#i will always always vividly remember all these talks i had with my dad and his artist friends

[drawnecromancy]

Sometimes my dad's friends are kind to me and it beats up the imposter syndrome in my brain a little bit

[sttoru]

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

⟣ sypnosis. you had been in your first ever relationship with suguru for a couple months now. neither of you have taken your relationship to the next level; suguru was extremely patient and never brought the topic of sex up until you one day decide you were ready.

⟣ note. first fic for my event :3 i spent way too much time on this fic so it turned out very detailed, long, romantic and fluffy. i hope you all enjoy and appreciate it teehee. this post contains smut, proceed at own risk ! wc: around 6.1k

⟣ tags. soft dom!geto suguru x virgin!female reader. fluff + smut. slow burn. age gap (reader 20-ish, suguru around 29/30), little talks about insecurity, loss of virginity, breast play, edging, teasing, fingering, lots of praise, dirty talk, size difference!, p in v — unprotected (dont b like reader and use protection please), creampie, aftercare, suguru’s really romantic and just a softie for u, suguru being a good ‘dad’ to mimiko and nanako and teeny tiny bits of him secretly being a pervert.

never in a million years had suguru expected his girlfriend to be so upfront about such a big, personal decision. the thought of having you say those words had never crossed his mind.

“can you repeat that for me, sweetheart?”

could you blame him for asking you to clarify the words you’ve uttered? that man has seen you as an oblivious and innocent woman ever since the start of your relationship. of course, unbeknownst to him, your thoughts were anything but that.

you may be a virgin, but your mind was a place for the most lewd and nasty thoughts. it’s just that you’ve been scared of being intimate with a man—it’s frightening, especially when having heard the many online stories about how badly it could hurt. some say that such descriptions were over exaggerating, however your inexperience still lead you to believe everything you’ve read about the topic.

and then you started dating an older man named suguru. you’ve met him by chance at a mall in kyoto and he was the first one who approached the other. you remember how suguru politely asked you for some advice regarding what type of presents he should get for ‘two teenage girls’. of course, you agreed to helping him out and that’s how you two eventually ended up brainstorming about possible ideas in a cozy café.

once seated, chosen drinks in both your hands, you asked the man whether the gifts were meant for his daughters. somehow, that’s the first connection the neurones in your brain had made once suguru told you about the two teenagers he was picking out presents for.

you remember it vividly; the sweet, gentle sound of the laughter that accounted as your answer, the eyes of the then stranger looking rather nostalgic as they stared into the liquid in his cup. suguru responded vaguely; “i guess you could say that, yes.”

that little ‘date’—if you could call it that—ended on a wholesome note. suguru thanked you for your time and made sure that you safely got into the train you needed to take home. he did want to offer you a car ride, however he kept that question to himself since he knew that no woman would voluntarily agree to be taken home by a stranger. even if suguru had the purest of intentions.

there were a couple more dates that followed after that one; all where you both gradually got to know each other better. you’ve found out so much about suguru—the details about his own life being both fascinating and sad at the same time. likewise, suguru had also learned much about you. he always shows great interest in what you tell him, even if it’s a minuscule detail. he remembers it all as well—a feature which caused you to feel funny things in your stomach.

you realised you were catching feelings for that mysterious yet sweet and loving man; it was inevitable. the way he makes you giggle, his respectful and easygoing manner of speaking, the slight touches you two shared on accident.. all of it added to your little crush.

however, you didn’t actually think suguru was falling for you too. you only met up for a few times, plus, you seem out of his league—both due to your age gap and difference in the things you’re pursuing at the time. you were in college, trying to get your degree whilst he already had a job as a powerful leader of an organisation and was trying to achieve one of many goals with them.

there’s not a chance he’d like you, right?

wrong. you were confessed to a couple weeks after your first meeting and have been in a relationship for over 4 months now. it still felt like a dream; having your first boyfriend be such a gentleman. it truly felt like you already met the love of your life whenever he was near.

suguru’s been nothing but sweet and caring to you, has never asked you to engage in any sexual activities nor even ever dared to touch you in places you haven’t consented to. the furthest you’ve gone in terms of intimacy in those four months, were make-out sessions. just some tongue action here and there—adding sprinkles of neck kisses and hickeys.

there were times where you wanted to let things escalate, however you couldn’t bring it upon yourself to ask your lover. suguru wasn’t the person to decide your feelings for you either—if there was no verbal consent coming from your lips, he’s not going any further. even if he wanted to as well.

you were grateful that suguru was that willing to wait for you, no matter how long it might take. not only were you anxious of the possible pain the sex would bring, but it was partially due to the fact that your lover was much more experienced in that field.

what if you were lacking? what if it wasn’t satisfactory enough for him and he’d eventually leave you for it? it’s obvious that suguru wasn’t the type of man to actually do that, however you couldn’t stop the many possibilities from running free in your brain.

your change of mind was rather spontaneous; it was today when you suddenly came up with your final decision. you were staying over at suguru’s, the sun was out and he was sitting on his balcony, reading a book whilst sipping on his coffee. what caught your eye was his bare back and the muscles which were on display to you.

suguru was shirtless and the seams of light were making his skin glisten—the view making your own body hot and bothered. you bit your lip and approached your boyfriend from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulders before kissing his neck. that skin-to-skin contact made you sure of your decision; you needed him. in more ways than one.

that’s how you ended up saying what you said. the statement left suguru baffled since you uttered it in his ear out of the blue. he couldn’t deny one thing however; the idea certainly did send a shiver of excitement down his spine.

“i said,” you repeat with a little mischievous grin, leaning in closer to your lover once he turned around to face you properly—as if searching for any hints that your words were indeed not his imagination, “i wanna lose my virginity to you.”

it wasn’t. you actually said it—the words that would take your relationship a step further. although, suguru couldn’t help but wonder where your sudden decision came from. his hands found their way to yours and he held onto them like they were two delicate flowers.

“i’m happy to hear that, though i’m curious,” your lover starts off carefully as he places chaste yet soft kisses on your palms, “why so sudden?”

you shrug nonchalantly like you didn’t feel that twinge of nervousness in the back of your mind as you felt suguru’s lips on your skin. ‘it really was happening now, was it?’—that kind of feeling was the cause of your subtle anxiousness.

“well, ehh— you just looked good.. sitting there.. i guess.” you mumble, voice trailing off in embarrassment whilst your eyes darted around the balcony in attempt to avoid suguru’s gaze. your flustered expression and adorable confession makes him laugh gently. it was not a mocking laugh at all—more of an amused one;

“just when i thought you couldn’t get any cuter..” the long-haired man muses, the locks of his bangs grazing ever so slightly against your hands as he keeps holding them, “you never fail to surprise me, do you know that?”

suguru had a way with words that made you weak in the knees. or maybe it’s simply because he’s shirtless and kissing your palms so romantically. you don’t know which one it was.

“but, love,” suguru continues carefully as he stands up, your eyes following his as he towers over you, “are you a hundred percent sure? i don’t want to do anything you aren’t comf—“

“yes.” your answer cut your boyfriend off and he’s left in shock once more. your eyes were filled with determination, yet the faint glint of nervousness in them didn’t escape suguru’s sight. you’ve given your verbal consent and are even the first one to suggest the idea— what more could he ask of you?

there hung a silence between you two, the breeze blowing through suguru’s dark locks making him look even more majestic than he already was. you had no doubt about it; today was going to be the day. it had to be.

“then, if you’d let me have this,” his low voice sounded more sensual than it had ever been as his hand found its place on your cheek, fingertips rubbing against your ear, thumb softly pressing onto your skin—

a slow and romantic kiss followed straight afterwards. it had caught you slightly off guard, even when knowing fully well that this was what you were longing for.

his lips moved in tandem against yours, the soft touch making you feel certain emotions that you hadn’t even thought existed. this man whom you called your lover had never been unable to expose you to new sensations. and soon, he’ll grant you another one. a much pleasurable one.

one arm circled your waist, the other held up, hand on the back of your head to deepen the passion-filled kiss you shared. his lips parted your lightly trembling ones, the tips of your tongues attentively rubbing against one another as if to test the waters; was it fine to go further? are we actually doing this?

you were. it was set in stone as your throat formed soft noises of satisfaction, shaky breaths being exchanged by the two lovers on the balcony—not one of you realising that the weather was changing in the background. the sun was setting, creating the perfect mood for the situation as you were still engrossed by each other’s moves and touches.

it was only for the sake of catching your breath that you had pulled away. your cheeks felt hot, as did your entire body which was still pressed against suguru’s—chest to chest. the proximity was one you both had enjoyed many moments before, however this instant was unlike any other. you both knew as you stared at each other in silence, your quick breaths doing the talking instead.

“will you let me..” the voice of which you have grown to adore spoke to you, the owner grasping your attention once more by holding onto your hand. suguru’s fingers smoothly slid across your skin until they found the puzzle they were meant to complete—that being the gaps between your own fingers. once your hands were tightly intertwined, the man finishes his sentence;

“will you let me love you?”

his face was still close to yours as he uttered those beautiful words to you, warm breath lightly fanning the thin strands of hair on your cheeks to the side, lips subconsciously trying to brush against yours once more. but, they could wait. they could wait until the agreement leaves your mouth.

“of course.” the answer escapes before you could even register it properly. this makes suguru smile against your lips as he captured them in another sweet kiss. he muttered a small ‘thank you’ and then swept your legs off the floor—strong arms placed under your thighs to hold you up against his body whilst the hungry kisses continue.

suguru doesn’t know how he got there; carrying you over to his bed, settling you down onto the soft mattress, his body caging yours underneath him, eyes fluttering over every detail of your exposed skin. he hadn’t had you like this ever before; he hadn’t had you in his bed for a reason as sinful as this, only ever for cuddles or sleep.

“you’re beautiful.” the dark-haired man whispers as he carefully takes off the clothing covering your figure—the gorgeous skin his hands still have yet to explore. suguru can’t remember the last time he has treated anyone like this; like a treasure he’s had the honour to find and keep to himself. there hasn’t been a single woman in his life that he’s cared for this much—you’re the only one capable of mellowing him and his heart.

“stunning,” another compliment; another breath spent to praise you. your lover’s fingers teased the edges of your bra, lips kissing down your collarbone and towards the centre of your chest—each touch being done with precision. your bra became undone a second later and you let the straps fall of your arms, all the way until your breasts were fully revealed.

suguru’s breath hitches, mouth forming more saliva than in any previous instants, the liquid being pushed down his throat with a gulp. you didn’t have the chance to feel conscious of yourself in a moment like this; the dim light of the bedside lamp shone on suguru’s face, his lips glistening with a mixture of your saliva whilst his gaze was lingering on the new sight in front of him—he was utterly obsessed.

“may i?” his hands were already reaching out for the plump flesh and they came in touch once you nodded shyly. his palms were warm as they kneaded your breasts and his fingers brushed against your nipples, which made you whimper from how sensitive they were now that someone else has finally touched them.

suguru took notice of your reaction and put pressure on both small buds once again, thumbs rubbing your areolas in circular motions, “that good, princess?”

“mhmm— y-yes,” you mutter through a moan. your body was pushed further onto the mattress as your lover put more of his weight on you, your entire chest area getting covered by licks and kisses, slow and deliberate ones that left you yearning for more. suguru’s eyes gazed up at yours for consent once his parted lips hovered just above your sensitive nipples, his breath on them alone making you squirm already.

with another nod, suguru wasted no time taking one nipple into his warm mouth—wetting it with his saliva as his tongue slid around the area. his long fingers squeezed, twisted and pulled on your other nipple to give you both stimulations at once.

“mm, so good.” his muffled voice caused goosebumps to appear on your skin. suguru slowly lets his lips travel across your tits, sucking on them, even kissing down the curves until he reaches your torso. he gives that area the same amount of love and attention whilst your fingers were tangled around his smooth, long hair. suguru clearly seemed to enjoy the sensations; he let out small moans and hums against your bare skin to indicate that you should continue playing and tugging at his locks.

his tongue abruptly came to a stop right above the waistline of your panties—the barrier he was about to reach past for the first time. the hesitation was visible in his body language, however his fingers eventually tugged at the fabric, preparing to take it off.

your heart was beating out of your chest as you watched suguru slowly pull the last piece of cloth away. your thighs pressed together on instinct, stopping your panties from exposing your bare cunt.

“should i stop?” suguru asks with a raised eyebrow, fingers pulling away from your underwear now that he’s seen you close your legs. you didn’t want him to stop—it’s just the nerves that made your body move on its own command;

“please— no,” you shake your head, biting your lip as you swallowed your own saliva out of pure desire. you craved him now that it’s come this far, “need you. need you so bad, suguru.”

those words caused suguru’s brain to shut down. any irrelevant thoughts were thrown out of the window; the only thing his mind was telling him to do, was to take care of your needs. your body was laid out on his bed—trusting eyes looking up at his in anticipation, pretty hands grasping onto his sheets like it’d calm you down.

“i’m all yours, sweetheart.” suguru sighs, fingertips slightly shaking as he pulls your panties down to your ankles, eyes pausing on the revelation. to say that suguru was simply rendered speechless, was an understatement. that man was on the verge of letting loose of any self-control and just dive his face right between your thighs, eating you out like he’s fantasised of doing for a while now.

“fuck.” your boyfriend closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself before opening them to smile down at you—the handsome smile that was one of the many reasons you fell in love with him, “i’ll be careful. i promise.”

naturally, you nodded along. you’ve built up enough trust between one another during the past few months to let yourself be vulnerable in front of him. the palm of his hands patted your thighs slightly before spreading them apart, once again showing your glistening folds, a slight wetness to them from your own arousal.

suguru couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight. he’d already have devoured your dripping cunt if it wasn’t for his self-control. but, it was your first time. he couldn’t rush into things just yet.

“thank you, baby.” the dark-haired man whispered under his breath. he was showing his gratitude for the sight you allowed him to see—a sight only he had ever seen before. the only man to be able to witness the beauty before him. that fact alone made his eyes darken in lust ever so slightly.

his fingers carefully slid across your vulva, your bodily fluid coating the skin which makes him shiver and his fingers get bolder. the cute sounds that filled his ears were only making this even better for him.

the way your hips bucked up slightly into his touch—just asking for suguru to take you right then and there—was driving him insane. every vein in his body felt like it could pop with how much he was restraining his own self from acting out of line. his finger easily slid into the little hole and suguru almost couldn’t believe it; your pussy was clamping down on his finger, your insides tightly wrapped around him to the point that even he wouldn’t know if his dick would fit in.

“hnnngh, suguru, please— wan’ your cock already,” that dirty sounding sentence was one he didn’t expect to hear from a virgin. it made him shake his head with a small, delighted chuckle; you really never failed to surprise him.

“i know you do,” suguru purrs, pressing kisses against the curves of your tits whilst another finger of his joined to stretch your pussy out properly, “but i need to prep you enough if you wanna take my cock. can you be patient for me, sweetheart?”

“m’kay. gonna try..” his fingers pumped in and out of you, the feeling of them curling up deep inside you made your walls squeeze against them. you’ve played with yourself before, of course, however it was then that you discovered that nothing could ever compare to the real thing: suguru’s long and slightly girthy fingers.

just when you thought that it couldn’t get any better, you felt a third finger—not inside you--but on your clit, rubbing the small bundle of nerves like you could’ve never done to yourself. suguru was so precise and exact with his actions which showed his experience. that’s another reason of why you’ve put all your trust in him. getting your virginity taken by a sweet, older and experienced man was probably ten times better than losing it to any guy your age, who were probably only out for sex.

suguru was there to make love to you.

your back arched once you felt suguru’s fingers increase their pace, the wet and squelchy sounds echoing through the room as they got louder the more your pussy got played with, his thumb almost overstimulating your clit to the point of release already—that’s how superb your lover’s hand movements were.

“no, no. can’t have you cum on my fingers like that.” you whine once you felt suguru take his fingers back the same moment you were about to reach your first orgasm by someone else’s hands. the older man smirks at this and kisses you on the lips, pulling away slowly with your bottom lip between his teeth, letting it lightly flop back into place as he lets go; “i wanna have you cum together with me, okay?”

you couldn’t refuse such a romantic request, thus you nod. suguru smiles back at you once more before his hands move to take off his sweatpants, tossing the piece of clothing to the side. your eyes widened as you were propped on your elbows, gaze lingering on the massive bulge formed at the crotch area, his boxers not hiding much of the shape.

once the underwear was off as well—that’s when you realised that your underlying anxiousness was not for nothing. suguru’s cock sprung free, it was slightly curved near his pink tip, drops of pre-cum flowing down the length. you haven’t ever seen a dick in real life, only ever on the internet, so this had left you stunned. you didn’t know what the average size was for a man, but there’s one thing you knew for sure: suguru was definitely way above the average size.

“cat got your tongue, princess?” he teased, his hand absentmindedly pumping his cock to the sight of your naked body underneath him. suguru didn’t even know that he started doing that in front of you; it was out of pure instinct. he couldn’t hide the excitement in his body, his shaft twitching in his hand as if it desperately wanted to feel your tight cunt around it.

“uhm, s-suguru..” you stammer a bit, biting your lip as your eyes followed his hand motions which got faster once your sweet voice called out to him. something about you looking a tad bit intimidated by his size made him want to destroy your insides to mush—have you beg him to fuck you as he bullies his whole length into your poor, small cunt.

“i know, i know..” suguru reassures you, free hand giving you a few consoling head pats, “i’ll try to make it as less painful as possible, okay?”

you hum and watch how your lover settles between your legs, spreading them enough to kneel before you, upper body bending forward to place soft pecks on your forehead; he was encouraging and preparing you more in his own way.

your arms instantly wrapped around his back, sweaty palms set underneath his shoulder blades—you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, just waiting on that moment. that feeling you’ve been craving, yet also have been avoiding.

you waited for a bit, however the only sounds heard and sensations felt were the slight dent in the mattress near one side of your body, the bed creaking faintly. suguru was leaning on side of his body, one arm stretched out to open a drawer, apparently searching for a condom.

once you realised what he was doing, you shook your head and tapped his back twice to regain suguru’s attention. his gaze immediately flickered over to yours and his head tilted to the side in curiosity; “i want the full experience—no condom, please.”

his eyes widened at the request. you seemed to be dead serious, eyes glinting determinedly, lips forming a little pout— it was impossible to refuse you, although suguru knew that he had to play the role of the older, more wise and experienced lover in the back of his mind.

he parted his lips to list off the reasons why you should let him use a condom, yet the words died on his tongue. you were impossible to say ‘no’ to. not when you’re looking up at him with those pretty eyes.

“whatever princess wants, princess gets.”

suguru prodded your entrance with the fat head of his cock, circling the hole and wetting it more by using a mixture of his pre-cum and your own arousal. you took another deep breath and tried your best to hold tightly onto your boyfriend, arms wrapped tightly around his back with your face nuzzled in the crook of his neck—bracing for impact.

“tell me if it hurts too much,” suguru whispers in your ear, leaving one last kiss on your temples before pushing his hips forward, folds stretching out and apart to allow his cock through and into your pussy.

did it hurt like you expected? yes. it most certainly did. maybe even worse than you were prepared for.

“fuck— nhhh, fuckfuckfuck!” you hiss whilst your nails dig into the skin of suguru’s back, probably leaving red marks because of how much you’re clinging onto him—like your life depened on it. that’s quite literally what it felt like to you; body being forced to part and make way for suguru inside you, pussy feeling like it was burning by how big of a stretch it was to fit him in—if he actually would be able to push all of his inches into your tight hole.

“sshh, shh, it’s okay, try to relax for me, yeah?” your lover comforts you the best he could, stilling his movements for a couple seconds before gently slipping his cock further into you. it pained him to see the discomfort written over your face, however you hadn’t made any clear signs of wanting this to come to a halt. in fact, you were encouraging him to continue whenever he stopped at any indication of hurt.

“i can take it.. p-promise,” you manage to moan out. suguru breathed in deeply at your words and nodded, kissing your lips in hopes to distract you from any pain you’re feeling, “you’re too good to me, sweetheart. really.”

both of you exhaled deeply as suguru finally bottomed out, a long minute of reassurance and pushing now behind your back. your eyes had watered up a little, chest heaving as you tried to accommodate to the new feeling inside of you.

“take your time.” suguru utters gently, voice sultry and sweet whenever its directed at you. his lips graze against your cheeks, smothering the area with pecks to take your mind off anything else. the locks of black hair tickle your chin and nose, the hairtie that usually kept a good chunk of his hair in a bun now out of sight.

suguru hadn’t taken anyone’s virginity before and that’s what also made this opportunity special to him. he didn’t know how to thank you with words, so he showed his gratitude throughout his actions; lips kissing your shiny tears away, moving across your face to your forehead and eventually to your own round lips which had formed a cute pout.

you could feel suguru smile against your mouth, his tongue gently tracing the outline of your lips whilst mumbling words of affection and praise; “you’re taking it so well, baby. such a good girl for me— love you so much.”

you giggled lightly at your lover’s appreciative remarks, focusing on returning the kiss instead of the tingling feeling in your lower body. you pulled away after a bit and looked up at him with nothing but pure adoration; “i love you too, suguru.”

if suguru had the ability to freeze time, he’d want to do it during this moment, just to relive this bit over and over. he’s sure that this exact instant will be engraved into his memory for the many years to come.

and once you’ve given him the green light to move, he did it with caution, slowly but surely. his hips moved back and then forwards, girthy cock dragging along your walls at a leisurely pace, but just enough to make your pain transform into pleasure.

suguru’s big hands were placed on your hips, sometimes they’d leave their position to cup your chin and make you face him. he doesn’t want you to look away from his eyes; he’ll think you don’t like this if you do. besides, the thing he loves most about being in the missionary position, is that he’s able to hear how good he’s making you feel whilst looking into your eyes to see your face scrunch up in satisfaction. it’s so romantic and perfect. just like you.

“my little princess is so pretty.” suguru sighs in content and kisses your tears away, thrusting into your tight cunt in a comfortable pace—not too fast but not too slow, “the way you take my cock and still manage to look beautiful while doing it— you’re incredible.”

if the physical pleasure wasn’t enough, his added commentary would certainly be. you moan and whimper phrases that sound like his name over and over again; you didn’t know what else to say as your mind was foggy with the amazing sensations your body was experiencing for the first time. that was fine with suguru since all he wants was to see you enjoy yourself—this moment was for you. everything he did was for you—every thrust, every kiss, every touch.

“nhhg, too good, so good!” you mewl and leave more scratch marks across suguru’s back, ones which he didn’t mind at all. it only served as further proof of this special moment. the tip of his cock kissed the deepest parts of your insides, puffy folds parted widely to make room for more of his length until it felt like he actually was balls deep.

“mhm—you’re, haah, tight..” the once calm and collected man seemed to let loose of himself the more he felt your cunt swallow him all the way, gripping onto his dick as if you didn’t want to ever let go. suguru grunts and moves down to leave a couple hickeys across your neck, hips non-stop pushing against yours, “don’t think i can last long—fuck, yeah—you feel amazing, baby.”

your eyes roll back as the pleasure seems to build up in your stomach as well. it felt like a coil that threatened to snap at any moment and it’d release another immense wave of pleasure upon breaking. your body was on fire, sweaty and hot, just like suguru’s.

“can you cum with me, princess? can you wait and hold on for me?” he asks, and the questions sound impossible, however you could at least try your best to fulfil his desires. you’d also want nothing more than to reach your peak together with the man you loved.

“okay—mmhh—together.” you nod and your body tenses up, legs subconsciously moving to wrap around suguru’s waist, heels of your feet simultaneously tapping against his lower back along with his hip movements. you didn’t know how much longer you could hold out for as your breathing patterns changes, whiney gasps and choked up moans escaping the back of your throat as your clit bumps against his pelvis over and over.

“almost, almost—“ suguru curses through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching while yours did the opposite. your body rocked back and forth and the bed felt like it was shaking along as well. you could tell by the way suguru’s hips rolled against yours that he was close—his eyebrows were furrowed, eyes half-lidded but not closed to still hold contact with yours and his hands clutched onto your waist. all indications of his nearing climax.

“mnph, gonna cum— shit, shit, shit, i’m gonna cum—“ suguru swears under his breath a couple times more before snapping back into reality at the last few seconds. he realised once again that he didn’t have a condom on, so his first rational thought was to pull out and finish himself outside of your body.

you were also nearing your own orgasm, not thinking rationally due to the intensity of the moment, any other thoughts except for the man on top of you were thrown out of the window. you felt suguru try to pull his twitching and throbbing cock out before it could spurt its cum inside of your dripping cunt.

you whined and shook your head, pulling suguru in for a deep kiss while tightening the grasp your legs had around his hips; “w-want to feel you cum in me— want you to fill me up while i finish too.”

suguru’s breath caught in his throat, almost choking on his own saliva from your bold requests. his only rational thought instantly vanished from his mind, now all that’s left was pure love, pleasure and desire. the mental image of his cum spilling and filling your pussy to the brim drove him to the edge.

“all yours, i’m going to give it all to you, princess, yeah? fuck !” both of you relinquished in the feeling of bliss, the warmth and build up reaching its designated ending— the expected waves of pleasure washing over you both. series of soft moans, whimpers and groans filled the room as your pussy was flooded with lots of hot cum.

it was like suguru hadn’t came in years—that’s how incredible that orgasm was experienced by the dark-haired male. the same thing goes for you; your legs were shaking, hips squirming up in aftershocks as you squeezed down on suguru’s cock, quite literally milking him dry of every drop.

“nhh, haah— suguru, love,” your tired and powerless whispers caught his attention immediately. your trembling hand held onto his cheek in attempt to make him look at you. suguru’s fingers curled around your wrist, turning your hand away from his face and to the side so he’ll have access to your palm. his lips left a ticklish trail of pecks on them until his mouth found its home: your lips.

the two of you exchanged deep, exhausted breaths, your boyfriend eventually pulling out and rolling onto his side to cradle you into his arms—hand placed on the back of your head to rest your body against his chest. the following seconds were spent cuddling as you tried to regain composure.

“you were amazing.” suguru sighs, chin resting on top of your head whilst his hand rubbed your bare back in comfort, “are you okay, sweetheart? nothing feeling off or anything of that sorts?”

you shake your head and snuggle up against your lover, content with how things are right now. the afterglow of your little session—of your first time, made you happier than ever. you couldn’t believe it’d feel this good. maybe it’s due to the one you’ve lost your virginity to.

“i’m okay.” you mumble and lift your head up to look suguru in the eyes, faces only inches away from each other. there were no words in the dictionary that could describe how you two felt. the closest word to explain it would be flawless.

“i’m glad, baby. thank you for trusting me.” suguru flashes you a small smile and strokes your head. you stay like that, bodies intertwined in a deep and comfortable hug, whispers of sweet nothings filling your ears and subtle gestures of love making you feel secure.

a couple minutes later and suguru noticed how you started to doze off. he chuckled to himself before pulling away from your hug and standing up, only to have you pout and complain about the loss of warmth.

“i’m just going to clean you up, love.” the soft-spoken man utters to you, laughing quietly at the adorable state you were in at the moment. you were so dependent on him.

“should i prepare us a warm, relaxing bubble bath as well?” he asks, squatting down near the edge of his bed and taking your hands in his, maintaining eye contact as per usual.

“that’d be nice.” you nod and feel your eyelids close slowly, “can’t promise i won’t fall asleep, though.”

suguru lets out a soft exhale through his nose, corner of his lips curling upwards at your little comment. he couldn’t believe he ended up dating such an unbelievably wonderful girl. it’s a blessing in his life of curses.

“i’ll make sure to at least clean you up if you do fall asleep, don’t worry. you’re safe with me.”

you were sure he was an angel sent down from heaven. it was more than clear to you—even if it may not be to many others out there.

“thank you, suguru.” you murmur as your body relaxes into the soft mattress, “i love you.”

“i love you too. more than you could imagine.”

[moamidzyism]

the seven stages of you and i (c.sb)

ʚ♡⃛ɞ when you first met soobin, you knew he was going to play a lead role in your life. you were going to make sure of it. you just didn't know what to expect. or: the story of a boy, a girl, and the turbulence that fills the space between them.

☆。.:*·ﾟwc 14444 angst + smut ౨ৎ minors DNI ˚⁺。˚ // repost ୨୧ soobin x fem!reader, best friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers to ???, first time. featuring beomgyu, taehyun, kai from txt, yuna from itzy, and arin from oh my girl [masterlist • reblogs + feedback appreciated]

playlist

you can vividly remember the first time you ever saw soobin.

it was the summer before third grade started.

it had been an unbearably hot summer and with the school year looming just a month away, you were dreading going back to school and trying so hard to not think about having to meet your new teacher and make new friends.

so to take you mind off the soul crushing pressures of elementary school, you begged your mom to let you go to the park. she refused, claiming she had to work, but the two of you made a compromise and you settled for riding your bike around the cul-de-sac where she could still see you from the dining room table.

you had been riding for thirty minutes, quickly growing tired of the rays of the sun beating down on your skin. you were about to call it a day, but that’s when you saw it.

the gray honda civic driving past you, the sun reflecting on the hood of the car. the woman in the front seat, slowly waking up from her slumber. her husband tapping her shoulder excitedly, looking at his new home in awe.

and him.

the young boy staring out the window with wide eyes as the car pulled into the driveway of the house beside yours.

you darted inside to tell your mom you had new neighbors.

at dinner time, she took you over with some food. “hello, we live right next door.” she introduced herself to the woman that opened the door. “i just thought you guys could use a warm meal with moving and everything.” behind her legs, you could see the little boy peeking at you.

she invited you in and you remember the way their house looked so devoid of life. what was supposed to be the living room was a sea of boxes. your mother sat beside his mother on the old brown leather couch that sat in the back of the room.

you caught soobin’s gaze, watching you taking in the sight of his new home. he looked away when he noticed you looking at him. you moved to sit beside him on the floor.

“i saw you,” he said when he registered your presence beside him.

“what?” you were slightly taken aback.

“outside.” he clarified. “you were on your bike.”

“oh,” you muttered. “my name is y/n.” you reached out to shake his hand. he looked at you, a bit puzzled, yet mirrored the gesture, his grip gentle and feeble.

“i’m soobin.”

“how old are you?”

“i’m almost 10.” he answered, glancing down at his hands.

“why did you move here?”

“my dad got a job.”

“do you want to ride bikes tomorrow?”

“i don’t know how.” soobin looked at you, uncertainty flickering in his eyes, his shy demeanor even more pronounced.

“i can teach you.” you offered.

and the next morning, at 11 sharp, soobin showed up in front of your house ready to learn. after that afternoon, you decided that you liked him and he was going to be your best friend. he didn’t talk much but he always listened to you, with a goofy smile plastered on his face. when he did talk, he answered all your questions thoughtfully. and most importantly, even after he fell down multiple times, he still showed up at your house the next day, waiting to learn.

by the time you got to middle school, everyone knew that you were two peas in a pod. from the day you met, everywhere you went, soobin wasn’t far behind, following you like a lost puppy. you always carpooled together; you always ate lunch together; you were even in all the same clubs.

and so when eighth grade began, you two were separated for the first time in five years and it was so hard for you to adjust to not seeing him every second of every day.

the first morning of the school year, you stopped yourself from asking your mom where soobin was when he wasn’t at your car waiting for you. you wandered through the halls to your regular lunch table a little surprised and mostly disappointed when you didn’t see him sitting with an extra cookie he always got from the lunch lady. after school, you sat awkwardly, alone, on the bench outside of the school building waiting for your mom to pick you up.

when you got home, you didn’t even bother going up to your room. you threw your backpack on the couch and made a beeline for his house. you flopped onto his bed with a sigh as soon as you got to his room, the softness of the mattress cradling you. he didn’t look up from where he sat at his desk doing his homework, but he acknowledged your arrival with a quiet hello. 

“how was your first day of high school?” you asked, emphasizing the last part of your question.

“it was okay.” he scribbled something in his book.

“just okay?” you pressed.

“it was kind of weird.” he turned his chair around and finally looked up at you.

“did you miss me?”

“yeah, a little,” he confessed. a soft warmth bloomed in your chest, and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

“i think i might try out for the football team,” he blurted out of nowhere. “or maybe basketball? i don’t know yet.” you bursted out in laughter.

“did i say something funny?”

“you have no athletic bone in your body.” you countered, still chuckling.

“we don’t know that.”

“oh, we do,”

he moved to join you on the bed, books in hand, and you watched him with a fondness that didn’t need words as he made himself comfortable.

“i always tell you not to wear your outside clothes on my bed.” he jokingly admonished.

“do you like your school?”

“i mean, it’s only my first day. but it was okay.”

you paused, both to process what he just said and to figure out how to word what you really wanted to say. “i don’t want you to forget about me or stop hanging out with me or whatever.”

“you’re literally going to the same school next year.” he teased you.

“i know, but still.”

“you’re a hard person to forget about, y/n.”

“you’re just saying that,” you felt the blood rush up to your cheeks, and subsequently rushed to hide your face in his sheets.

“no, i mean, you literally wouldn’t let me forget about you.” he laughed and in response, you threw a pillow at him.

but in the back of your mind, you knew he was right – you couldn’t let him forget about you. and as the days rolled on, you made it a point to go over to his house for hours after school. at least for the first month and a half of the smeester. that was until the demands of school grew and he started having to stay after school for clubs and going over to people’s houses for projects. by the time the holidays rolled around, your moments together were reduced to the seconds you saw him in the mornings when you were both leaving for school. and for the most part, it stayed like that going into the summer.

the summer after eighth grade, you saw soobin a total of three times.

the first time you saw him was on memorial day. your dad, not exactly the biggest fan of your plan to stay home the entire summer, pushed you out of the house to go to his family’s barbecue. you went to soobin’s house with a tray of cookies (because you never go to someone’s house empty handed, your mom told you beforehand). he greeted you with a casual wave before disappearing upstairs to play video games with his friends. you lingered around his house for ten minutes, until you felt completely uncomfortable by yourself, when you slipped away back to your room, cocooning yourself in your bed, tears tracing paths down your cheeks, soaking into your sheets beneath you.

the second time was sometime right after the fourth of july. his dad was taking him on a fishing trip and you just so happened to be getting the mail as they were leaving. you tried to pretend not to see him, eyes fixed on the ground, your heart pounding. and you thought it worked. but later that day, a message lit up your phone screen – soobin confessing that he missed you. you deliberated for two hours before typing out a guarded response: “me too.” two weeks stretched out like an eternity before his next message came.

the third time was actually the day before your first day of high school when he came over to your house under orders from his mother. he stood at your bedroom door, a mixture of apprehension and determination etched across his face.

when you opened the door, all the feelings of abandonment came flooding through your mind – every time you cried thinking about how he was ignoring you, every time your parents had to force you to get out of the house and breathe in fresh air, everything came at once.

“what are you doing here?” you spat at him. your words were a shield, sharp and defensive.

“my mom said i should come check on you.” he responded, his hand absently massaging the back of his neck. you yielded, allowing him to enter the room, but he hesitated, lingering by the door, too afraid to sit down.

“are you nervous about high school?” he ventured.

you met his gaze, scanning his eyes for sincerity. “not really.”

“i’m sorry,” he admitted, his voice heavy with regret. “i’ve been pretty shitty to you this year.”

“yeah, you have been pretty shitty.”

“i meant it when i said i missed you.”

“i know.”

“are we good?”

he didn’t really apologize, you understood that. but sometimes, especially in that moment, it seems easier to forgive him than confront him about how horrible he made you feel. and so you concede, not realizing that you’re setting the precedent for you guys to saunter in and out of each other's lives as you please. “yeah, we are.”

you invite him to sit on the bed with you and he joins you.

“so, what is high school really like?” you ask, trying to clear the air of tension that lingered.

“well, it’s nothing like high school musical,” he began.

and although you were apprehensive about forgiving him so quickly, you couldn’t deny how good this felt. sitting here with him, not thinking about the future or the past. just being here talking about nothing and everything at the same time. if you could, you would have captured this moment and put it in a snow globe to look at everyday.

the next morning, you stood at the threshold of the school building, soobin towering beside you. as you walked into the school together, you couldn’t help but notice the subtle shift in the atmosphere. soobin seemed to be a lot more popular than he led on and he navigated the halls with a confidence that belied his usually reserved nature. students and teachers alike greeted him as you walked through the halls.

“okay, mr. superstar,” you teased.

“well, i am class president.” he tells you shyly.

“why didn’t i know this?” you wondered aloud. he offered you a nonchalant shrug but continued guiding you through the labyrinth of corridors that made up the school. 

as you approached your classroom, the reality of where you were dawned on you. you turned to soobin, seeking reassurance from him. “i’ll see you at lunch?”

“yeah,” he affirmed.

with a final smile, you slipped into the classroom, taking a seat beside a girl who was looking at you with wide eyes.

“you know soobin?” she blurted out when you sat down.

your brows furrowed in confusion. “yeah?” you answered, taken aback.

“how?”

“uh, he’s my friend.” you explained, scanning the room for an empty seat.

a spark of hope lit up her eyes. “can you introduce me to him?”

you hesitated, your discomfort growing with each passing second. “i don’t even know you.”

a wave of awkwardness washed over the both of you. without waiting for a response, you quickly gathered your things, seeking refuge in a different seat on the other side of the classroom. what the hell was that? you thought to yourself as the other students filed into the class.

save for that strange moment in the first period, the rest of your classes went by completely unremarkable until lunch time rolled around. you arrived at the cafeteria fifteen minutes after lunch started. you were trying to navigate the way between hundreds of bodies in the hallway and found yourself in a completely different wing of the school. why does a high school have to be this big? you asked yourself when you collided with a girl.

“are you okay?” you asked her.

“yeah, i’m just trying to find the cafeteria.” her response came with a note of relief.

“me too. i’m y/n.”

“i’m yuna and this school is way too big.” she remarked, a trace of exasperation lacing her words.

“yeah, i got a tour this morning and i’m still confused.”

should we ask someone for help?” yuna suggested.

“yeah,” together you venture into a nearby classroom to ask a teacher for help.

meanwhile, in the cafeteria, soobin took advantage of your little detour to offer a preemptive warning to his friends about how to act around the freshman girl that was going to be eating lunch with them.

“i’m serious, you guys, don’t be weird.”

“when have we ever been weird?” beomgyu asked, but his playful tone is punctuated by a stray fry launched by kai, which found its target on taehyun’s head.

soobin gave beomgyu a knowing look.

“we won’t be weird, okay?” his friend reassured him. “what’s with the girl anyways?”

“she’s my best friend and i don’t want you guys to scare her.”

you finally make it to the cafeteria with yuna by your side. soobin introduced you to his friends, and you briefly remember them from memorial day. as the lunch period dragged on, you sat quietly, observing soobin in his element. you never felt this way before, but watching the way he interacted with his friends made him a little more attractive in your eyes. there was a magnetism in his confidence and you couldn’t help but entertain thoughts that had never crossed your mind before.

and from them, you found yourself yearning for those stolen glances, fingers brushing in passing and shared laughter that lingered just a little longer than usual.

being best friends with someone older than you had its perks, especially when that person was as smart as soobin. you were pretty good at biology freshman year, and chemistry was okay too. but no one warned you that knowing the powerhouse of the cell or all the symbols of the periodic table was enough to equip you for an honors physics class.

even though you stayed up for three nights in a row, you didn’t expect to do so bad on the unit test. it was embarrassingly bad. like bringing the class average down bad. like being handed back a folded test bad. you opened your test packet hesitantly, only to quickly close it again upon seeing the harsh, red “36/100” glaring back at you. the room seemed to close in around you, the disappointment heavy in the air.

after class, you went to meet your teacher. “are you sure there’s no way i could get some extra credit or something?” you asked, your voice carrying a mix of desperation and determination.

“y/n,” he said, his tone firm. “if i give you extra credit, i have to give everyone extra credit,” he advised. “if you want a better grade, i suggest you study harder.”

“fucking asshole,” you mutter under your breath as you left the classroom. the slam of the door echoed down the empty hallway.

yuna, who was waiting for you outside your class, scowled when she saw your demeanor. “what’s wrong?”

“he’s such an asshole.”

“what did he do this time?”

you handed her your test and slung your backpack onto your shoulder in frustration. her face scrunched up when she saw the red ink that scattered the page. she reached out to gently caress your hair in a soothing gesture. “oh, honey…”

“and he wouldn’t let me do extra credit.”

“didn’t your boyfriend take this class last year?” yuna asked, trying to find a solution.

“boyfriend?” you replied. you knew where she was going with this, but you wanted to see if she would actually say it. but you knew she was never one to back down. “soobin?” she asks.

“not my boyfriend.” you remind her in a singsong voice, causing her to roll her eyes.

“well, i’m pretty sure he took this class last year. just ask him to tutor you.”

you hum, pulling out your phone to text him.

to soob: i hate to ask you this but i really need your help

from soob: you know i’m always gonna help you what do you need

to soob: one quiz away from failing physics can my bestest friend in the whole entire world help me

from soob: you know you don’t need to butter me up but i’ll take it

to soob: you know i love you so much right? can you come over tonight?

that evening, you meticulously laid out your physics notes and textbook on the kitchen island. you were stressing a lot, and in an attempt to calm your racing thoughts, you decided to bake. the sounds of the mixer and the clinking of the measuring cups was always something that soothed your anxious thoughts.

as the timer chimed, you pulled the tray of cookies out from the oven. just as you set them on the cooling rack, the doorbell rang, sending a jolt of nervous anticipation back through you.

you open the door to soobin.

“thank you again for doing this,” you said as you welcomed him inside. you guided him to the island. “i made cookies, so please feel free to take some.”

his eyes brightened with surprise. “you made cookies? i didn’t know you could bake.”

“i started in middle school,” you confessed, a hint of vulnerability crept into your voice. “my therapist said it was a good way to process my emotions. i don’t know.”

“you’re in therapy?”

“yeah, since middle school.”

“oh.”

the atmosphere in the kitchen shifted. you both settle into your seats. the tutoring session began, but despite your best efforts, you found it hard to focus. the equations and diagrams that soobin so easily drew out seemed to blur together and your mind drifted elsewhere. the only thing you could concentrate on was soobin’s long, veiny hands as they gracefully navigated the pages of the physics textbook in front of you.

“should we take a break?” his voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

you blinked, realizing that you had been staring at the same problem for a little too long. “i’m sorry. long day.”

“no, don’t apologize,” soobin reassured you. “it’s getting late anyways. we can always try again tomorrow.”

the next few tutoring sessions followed a similar pattern, but today you managed to gather yourself and focus, determined not to get lost in the small smile that graced soobin’s face whenever you correctly answered a question.

“you know what you’re doing?”

“what?”

“you know what you’re doing. just don’t overthink it.” he was referring to the problem set in front of you.

“oh, yeah,” you replied, your hand moving swiftly across the paper. in your mind, even if you got the question wrong, he would patiently explain it to you. this way, you wouldn’t be trapped in your head, thinking about how close he was to you, close enough to pick up hints of his shampoo, or how pretty his eyes looked with the kitchen lights dancing in them, or how soft his hands felt as they brushed against yours when he took the paper from you.

to your surprise, you managed to avoid any embarrassment for the rest of the session.

“when’s your next test?”

“in two weeks, i think,”

“we can meet a couple of nights a week until then,” he suggested.

as time passed, you found it easier to concentrate, the initial nervousness giving away to a growing confidence. you had to admit. soobin was a good tutor and with each passing day, you felt the weight of the test lessen, until the day of the test.

from soob: test day! how are you feeling?

to soob: i think i’m going to throw up

from soob: please don’t you’re going to do great you know i’m always rooting for you!!

you walked into the classroom with your chin held high, determined to “fake it till you make it” your way into a passing grade, but you spent the rest of the week after that a bundle of restlessness and anticipation.

finally, the day you dreaded the most arrived. the door swung open, and your teacher strode in, a stack of papers clutched in his hand. you held your breath, fingers crossed under the desk as he made his way down the rows, inching closer and closer.

“good job,” he smiled at you when he handed you your test.

after class, you practically sprinted to soobin’s locker, eager to share the news.

“check me out! i’m a nerd like you,” you exclaimed, thrusting the test paper towards him.

“har har,” he let out an amused snort, rolling his eyes. “i knew you could do it. maybe next time we can shoot for a 100?”

“i think we should focus on maintaining this 80%,” you chuckled. “i think this calls for a celebration. can you come over tonight?”

that evening, you and soobin set out to tackle the challenge of baking brownies. he was good at a lot of things but admittedly was very useless in the kitchen.

“it’s fine.” you reassured him, “i can teach you.”

“you’re always teaching me things,” he noted, his ears burning as he looked down at the mixing bowl.

“what are you talking about? i’m literally now passing physics because of you.

“not school things,” he explains. “i mean like practical life things. you taught me how to ride a bike; you taught me how to make friends––”

“i taught you how to make friends?”

“yes, you did. being friends with you just made me outgoing, i guess.”

“hmm.”

“anyways, you’re teaching me how to bake, although i think this might be a lost cause,” he quipped, eyeing the ingredients skeptically.

“just crack those eggs,” you instructed.

while you dealt with other things, soobin stood expertly mixing the batter. “can i taste it?” you asked, holding up a spoon.

“wait, this is so good,” you marveled at your own recipe.

soobin’s gaze met yours, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. he edged closer to you. “you have something…” he said softly, swiping your chin with his thumb, then tasting the chocolate batter from his finger.

“oh, uh, th-thanks,” you stammered, turning toward the sink to hide the elated grin that threatened to give you away. inside, you were almost bursting at the seams.

“so, cookies are for nerves, brownies are for celebration?” soobin asked, as you two settled onto the plush couch.

“and cakes are for when i’m sad,” you quipped, fingers deftly flicking the remote to life. “what do you want to watch?”

“i don’t care. whatever you want.”

wrapped in the cocoon of the soft blanket, you both sank into the cushions, the movie’s glow flickering across your faces.

as the credits rolled on the screen, you and soobin sat up, still close, but the proximity was charged with an unspoken confession.

“did you like the movie?” you asked, attempting to dispel the atmosphere.

“we’ve seen it like a million times,”

“yeah, but still.” you press and he just shrugs.

after a pregnant pause, he finally broke the stillness. “i feel like i need to tell you something.”

your heart quickened, a whirlwind of emotions swirling within. “yeah?”

“i, uh,” his voice wavered for a moment. “i like you,” he admitted, his words stumbling out in a rush, eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the middle distance.

“what?”

“i like you,” he repeated, softer and steadier this time. soobin’s heart raced, his pulse thrumming in his ears as he awaited your response. you, on the other hand, were filled with surprise and something else, you couldn’t even decipher. your breath caught. it was like the air had grown heavier, charged with unspoken desires and uncharted territory.

“oh.” you managed to let out. “that’s… oh.”

his gaze flickered back to his hands, usually so steady, that laid, slightly trembling in his lap. “it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. i’ve just been dealing with these feelings for a while and i just needed to tell you.”

“soobin, it’s—”

“you don’t have to say anything; i get it.” he interjected, “just forget about this. i value our friendship a lot more, so i don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“soobin!” you exclaimed your voice firm and determined. “i like you too, but we… we can’t do this.”

“why not?”

“well, for starters, you’re graduating in the spring.”

“and i’m probably going to school, like what? two hours away?”

“i don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on your college experience by being with me or whatever.”

“y/n, you’re literally my best friend.”

“precisely why we shouldn’t risk it,” you insisted. “i cherish our friendship, and i don't want to jeopardize it.”

“i promise you there’s absolutely nothing that could ever make us not be friends.”

“i don’t… i don’t know.”

“sleep on it, okay?” he conceded, rising from the couch. “i should probably go home.”

you escorted him to the door, the gravity of the moment still lingering. “see you tomorrow?” he asked, framed in the doorway. the threshold seemed both a physical and emotional boundary, like a bridge between the familiar present and the uncertain future of your relationship.

“yeah.”

he leaned forward, a gentle breath of warmth preceding the tender press of his lips against your cheek. “goodnight, y/n,” he murmured before fading into the night. 

your fingers lightly brushed your cheek, still tingling from where his lips had been. the sensation was still tingling, like a spark of electricity had been left behind. climbing the stairs you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. you felt like you were floating as you made your way to your room, crashing on your bed, kicking your feet thinking about the fact that he likes you.

the next day, you decided to skip lunch in the cafeteria. “please can you tell me why we’re eating lunch in the library today?” yuna asks, tossing her backpack onto a beanbag in the corner of the library where you settled.

“something happened last night.”

“did you and soobin finally kiss?” she asked, a sly grin creeping onto her face. you look up at her, trying to suppress your smile.

“well, not really.”

“not really? what happened?”

“he told me he liked me.”

yuna let out an excited squeal, earning disapproving glances from the other students.

“and he kissed my cheek.”

“shut up!” she was practically bouncing in her seat, unable to maintain her excitement.

“yeah, you should shut up.” some guy at a nearby table griped, annoyed by the disruption.

she rolled her eyes, returning her attention to you. “anyways, i’m so happy for you.”

“don’t get your hopes up.”

“oh, no.”

“yuna, he’s graduating soon.”

“okay? i don’t see what the problem is. you’ve had a crush on him forever and he was the one who said it first.”

“i just don’t want to do a long distance thing.”

“he lives right beside you.”

“and he’s moving away in seven months.”

“he’s moving to a different town, not a different country.”

“hey, you guys are making a lot of noise,” the library assistant reprimanded, approaching your table. “and you know you’re not allowed to eat in here.” she referred to yuna’s food.

“sorry,” you apologized, your voice meek.

she walked away, leaving you both to your conversation.

“yeah, ‘cause my carrots are going to crumb all over the books,” yuna quipped, but she complied, tucking away her lunch.

“i just don’t want to lose my best friend.”

with a multitude of thoughts swirling around your head, you knew you needed to talk to soobin. after school, you made your way to his house. as you walked to his bedroom, each step was weighed down by the uncertainty and anticipation that filled your heart.

the soft knock on soobin’s door pulled him from his thoughts. he swung the door open to find you standing there.

“hey,” you greeted, your voice above a whisper.

“hey,” he stepped back, allowing you in. his heart raced, a mix of hope and fear coursing through him.

you walked into his room taking in the decor. it hadn’t changed much from middle school. his walls were adorned with a mix of posters. a bookshelf stood against one of the walls, filled with a well-organized collection of novels, textbooks, and mementos. his desk, which sat by the window, was decorated with photos of the two of you from elementary school that you surprisingly hadn’t seen before. looking at them gave you the motivation to have the say everything that you wanted to say.

he gestured to his bed. you settled into your usual spots, the silence stretching, punctuated only by the soft sounds of the clock. soobin couldn’t help but steal glances at you, the room charged with tension.

“so, we should talk about last night.” you took a deep breath. he turned to face you, his gaze steady, waiting for your words. “i’ve been thinking a lot,” you continued. “and i do want to give this, us, a try.”

a smile broke across his face and you couldn’t help but melt. “you have no idea how happy that makes me.”

you mirrored his smile, a sense of contentment settling in your chest. “but,” you added, your expression turning more serious, “you are graduating soon, so we need to be realistic.”

he nodded. “we can face it together, one step at a time.”

you reach out, your fingers finding his. “okay,”

“can i kiss you now?”

“yes,” you giggled.

he cupped your face, slowly closing the space between you. meanwhile, your hands snaked their way to the back of his neck, pulling him down so his soft lips met yours. the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the sensation of his lips against yours.

the first touch was as light as a feather, but as a surge of emotion overcame the initial hesitation, the kiss deepened. time seemed to stand still and the moment stretched into infinity until you heard a cough coming from the door.

you quickly pull away from the kiss, your heart racing. soobin’s eyes held affection, his fingers still lightly grazing your cheek. you looked to the door to see his mom with her hands on her hips, a playful smirk on her face. “i was just checking to see if you were going to stay for dinner, y/n.” she said, her voice carrying a hint of amusement.

looking down at your hands, that sat in soobin’s hands, you responded quietly. “yeah, i’ll just text my parents.”

“okay,” she left the room with a knowing smile

“that was so,” you squealed in embarrassment, burying your face in soobin’s shoulder. his warmth enveloped you like a comforting embrace as his fingers gently traced patterns on your back.

“at least she likes you,” he joked, making you groan. “we should go downstairs,” he suggests, pulling away reluctantly.

as you proceed to stand up, he playfully tugged you back down, his eyes never leaving yours. “wait.” his voice held a soft urgency, his gaze locked onto your lips. “just one more.” he leaned in, the touch of his lips against yours sending a surge of warmth through your veins. his smile melted into the kiss.

“okay, we can go now.”

you followed him downstairs and avoided his mom’s knowing glances throughout dinner.

for the next few months, you spent almost every day with soobin. the two of you were once again attached at the hip, savoring every moment leading up to his impending graduation.

and the dreaded day of the ceremony arrived. soobin, loose tie in hand, entered his parents’ room with a furrowed brow. “mom, where’s dad?”

“he had to stop by the office, but he’ll meet us there,” she responded, finishing up her makeup. as she finished she turned to her son, her eyes sparkling. “oh my god,” she cooed. “you look so handsome.” she pulled him into a hug.

“god, mom, relax.” soobin chuckled, gently extricating himself from her affectionate grip. he smoothed out the wrinkles on his shirt.

“is it a crime for a mother to be proud of her son for graduating?”

“no, but i need help with the tie.” he gave it to her.

she took the tie, fingers deftly weaving it into place around her neck. “is y/n coming with us?”

“no, she’s going with her parents.”

“you know, i’m really glad you have her in your life.” there was a tenderness in her voice, her eyes fixed on her son as she put the tie around his neck, adjusting his collar.

“that’s random.”

“it’s not random. i’m just saying you’re graduating and going to college soon, and i just don’t want you to take her for granted.”

“i won’t. i promise.”

“ok,” she declared, a smile gracing her lips, indicating that she had finished. “good to go, we’re leaving in ten minutes so go finish getting ready.”

you arrive at your school’s auditorium thirty minutes before the ceremony began. you quickly settle beside soobin’s mother.

“i’m so glad you guys could make it,” she greeted warmly.

you scanned the hall, searching for your boyfriend in the sea of cap and gowns. the familiar hum of your phone in your lap brought your attention back to the present. it was a text from soobin, asking you to meet him outside the auditorium.

“is my dad there?” soobin’s voice held a note of urgency when he saw you.

“not yet, but your mom said he’s on his way. are you okay?” your hand rested comfortingly on his shoulder, trying to steady his nerves.

“i’m just nervous about the speech and the fact that he isn’t here yet.”

“well, he’s going to be here. who would miss their only child’s graduation?” you offered a reassuring smile, attempting to lighten the mood. “and the speech is going to go perfectly, okay?”

“you don’t know that.”

“yes, i do! you’ve been practicing all week. you’re going to do great.”

“what if i mess up?”

“if you mess up, just find me in the crowd, okay? i’ll be with both your parents and my parents, and we’ll all be cheering on you.”

“alright, thank you.” he took a deep, steadying breath.

you reached up, planting a tender kiss on his lips. “you’re going to do great,” you affirmed, and with that, he headed through the student entrance into the auditorium.

the ceremony flowed seamlessly. pride swelled in you as you watched soobin take the stage. his dad slid into your row just as he went on stage, and you offered him a thumbs-up, met in kind.

you returned to soobin’s house with your parents for the celebration. the living room was adorned with congratulatory banners and balloons, the most bright and colorful you’d ever seen his house.

for most of the party, you didn’t see much of him as he was passed around by friends and relatives that wanted to congratulate him. but eventually, at some point in the night he finds you and the two of you escape from the party to embrace the quiet of his room. the room was dimly lit, and mostly quiet, save for the chatter and the music softly playing from outside the door.

“god, i really needed this,” he confessed, stretching out on his bed. you nestled beside him, resting your head on his chest. he enveloped you in arms, fingers entwined with yours. “talking to people is exhausting,” he sighed.

“you were amazing today,” you reassured him.

“because i had you there with me.”

“and your dad came.”

“yeah, half an hour late. i can’t believe he went to work today.”

“at least he was there.”

“i don’t even care anymore. i’m just happy you were there and that we’re here together right now. i can’t wait for this summer.”

“i need to tell you something.”

“yeah,” he turned to you, fingers gently playing with yours.

“you know how i’m vice president of culinary club?” he hummed in acknowledgement.

“well, our faculty advisor told me about this culinary school that she thinks i should apply to for college.” you explained. “anyways she thinks i need to get a job or internship or something this summer to make my application stronger.”

“yeah,” his voice took on a more tentative tone.

“well, she connected me with one of her friends who owns a restaurant downtown and he said that i could, like, shadow him for the summer.”

“that’s great but–”

“i know. i don’t think it’s going to stop us from spending time together. we’ll still be able to do everything that we planned on doing. it’s just not going to be everyday.”

“baby, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“i just feel bad.” your voice softened.

“why?”

“we had so many plans.” you pouted

“and we’ll still be able to do them,” he assured you. “i think it might be good practice for us when i go to school in the fall.”

“yeah, you’re right.”

you leaned up to kiss him, and he kissed you back.

the two of you lingered on his bed, the world beyond the room fading into insignificance. then, a gentle rap on the door pulled you out of your trivial conversations. 

“soobin,” his dad entered the room, voice cutting through the hush. “some of your guests are leaving. go downstairs to say goodbye.”

soobin shot up from the bed. “yeah, i’ll head down now.”

“y/n can i talk to you?” his dad asked. soobin looked back at you before leaving the room.

“yeah, what’s wrong?”

“nothing’s wrong. i just wanted to talk to you about soobin.”

“what about soobin?”

“why don’t you sit down,” he suggested. you complied, perching on your boyfriend's bed. “i wanted to talk about soobin because well he’s going to college in the fall and i just want to make sure that he’s not wasting his experience or losing his focus.”

you weren’t sure how to respond. “i’m don’t know–”

“see y/n, you’re a great girl and you’ve been there for soobin for a long time, but you also distract him.”

“what?”

“i work really hard to make sure that my family can live in this neighborhood and so that my only son can go to a good school. i don’t want to see him waste his life over his high school girlfriend.”

your chest tightened, emotions surging. you wanted to speak up, to yell at him and tell him off for inserting himself into your relationship. you wanted to yell at him for even saying this to you when he couldn’t be bothered to show up for his only son’s high school graduation. you wanted to defend your love and your commitment to soobin. but as the tears welled up in your eyes, the words caught in your throat. all you could manage was a quiet, “okay.”

“i’m glad you understand. i know we both care about him and we both want the best for him.”

he exits the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your tears. the last words he spoke echoed in your mind. we both want what’s best for him.

you gathered enough composure and strength, wiping away your tears, and made your way downstairs. you attempted to slip away quietly, but soobin caught you at the door.

“you’re leaving?” the dim light from the porch illuminated his face, casting soft shadows across his features.

“yeah, it’s getting late.”

“are you okay?” he noticed the tremor in your voice.

“yeah, i’m just super tired.”

“oh, okay? what did my dad want to talk to you about?”

“oh, he just asked me to send him the videos and photos i took of you earlier.” the lie tasted bitter on your tongue, but you pushed it out regardless, hoping to shield soobin from the weight of his father’s words.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, taking hold of your hands. “do you want me to walk you home?”

“no, yeah, i’m fine.” you pull him into a hug for what felt like an eternity. if he noticed anything wrong with you after that, he didn’t bring it up. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

that night, you couldn’t fall asleep. the room seemed to close in around you suffocating in its emptiness. the echoes of the conversation with soobin’s father reverberated in your mind, haunting you.

you grappled with the weight of your fears and insecurities. what if he was right? what if you were holding soobin back? distracting him? the thought had always lingered at the back of your mind since you began dating. and now that he was actually starting at college, that unspoken fear threatened to consume you.

maybe his dad was right. you needed to give him the space that he needed to grow. and it’s not like you had to break up with him. you just needed to keep him at an arm’s length and this summer was a chance for you to learn how to do that with you working. so in the weeks that followed, you found yourself pulling away and creating that distance. the space between you stretched as you took more shifts at work and spent less time with your boyfriend.

“i might move into school a week early,” soobin told you one day when you were hanging out in your room.

you felt your heart sink.

you hadn’t spent that much time together and now you had even less time together. it felt like a cruel twist of fate. still, you masked your disappointment with forced encouragement. “that’s good.” you muttered. “get to know the area better.”

“you think i should go?”

“i mean, if you want to. it seems like a good idea.”

“okay,”

as the day arrived for soobin to leave for school, you felt a void open up within you. the weight of missed moments and unspoken words crushed your soul, suffocating in their intensity. you called out of work but stayed in bed all day, cocooned in the covers, crying about the fact that you couldn’t allow yourself to savor the little time you had with soobin.

when soobin facetimed you later that evening, your heart both leapt and sank at the sight of his face. “hey, let me see your face.”

“i look horrible,” you groaned, but still revealed your face that was covered by your blankets and pillows.

soobin’s brows furrowed when he saw your face with your eyes red and your nose puffy. “have you been crying?”

“no, i’m just sick.” you tried to hide it, to mask the pain, but the cracks in your facade were all too evident.

“please, y/n, don’t lie to me.”

the raw vulnerability in his voice cracked something open within you. “i just miss you and i wish I could have helped you move in.”

“maybe i can come home on the weekend after classes start?” you wanted to revel in the possibility of seeing him again so soon, however the question lingered heavy in the air.

“do you think i’m holding you back from getting the full college experience?”

“where did that come from?”

“what if there’s like… i don’t know, a really cool frat party that weekend? would you miss out on that for me?”

“i think i’d rather see my girlfriend than go to some hypothetical frat party.”

“i’m being serious.”

“do you not want me to come home?” his question hung in the air, like a delicate thread of vulnerability. the room seemed to pulse with unspoken tension. your fingers tightened around the edges of your blanket, grasping for comfort and grounding, as you thought over your answer. every second of the silence felt like a weight on your shoulders.

you sighed. “i do, but–”

“then what’s the problem, y/n?” soobin’s voice, slightly raised, tinged with frustration, cut through the hush. “it seems like ever since the summer started you’ve been pushing me away, and i don’t know if i did something wrong.”

“you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“so what’s up?”

“i just don’t want you to feel like you’re wasting your time focusing on your high school girlfriend when you have so much life ahead of you.”

“you’re not just my high school girlfriend.” his voice softened.

“that’s not what i meant.”

“you’re also my best friend. and i don’t ever feel like i’m wasting my time by being with you.”

you contemplate telling him what his dad said, but you ultimately decide against it.

“what are you thinking?” he asked after you didn't respond for a while.

“i don’t know.” you confessed, your voice barely louder than a whisper.

“i need you to be honest with me because i don’t know what you need or how much more i can reassure you that you’re it for me.”

“maybe we should take a break?” the words slipped out before you could stop them.

“what?” soobin’s eyes widened, disbelief and hurt dancing in their depths.

“just maybe for the semester.” you rushed to explain, “so you can get your footing in school and i can focus on college apps.”

“so, you want to break up?”

“not like a real breakup. we’ll still talk and everything, just with some space.” he looked away, his jaw clenched, like he was processing the idea.

“i can’t believe you’re suggesting this.” his voice cracks as he blinks back the tears welling up in his eyes.

“maybe it’s what we need right now. we’ll still talk.” you promised, mostly trying to convince yourself.

the call ended and the weight of your decision settled on your chest, like a heavy ache that echoed the emptiness you felt inside. in your head, you were making the right choice for both of you, but that didn’t make it any easier. and as hard as you tried to maintain your relationship with soobin, over the next few months, the calls and messages became less frequent. the space between you was growing wider and each interaction held a bittersweet tinge, a mix of familiarity and the painful reminder of what once was.

the next break from school came quicker than you had expected. you sat at your desk, catching up on homework as the late morning sun streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across the room. the creak of your bedroom door announced your dad’s presence.

“how are you doing?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

a faint smile danced on your lips as you turned to face him. “i’m not going to kill myself dad,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood. “i’m just doing homework.”

“you’ve been in your room all break. i think i’m allowed to be worried.”

you bristled, the walls rising around you like a fortress. “well you shouldn’t be, okay? i’m fine.”

“okay so you don’t care to know that i saw soobin’s car pull up into the driveway?” he asked. you let out a soft, almost imperceptible sigh, your gaze shifted to the patch of sunlight dancing on the floor.

“are you going to see him?” he gently suggested.

“i don’t know if he wants to see me,” you admitted, your voice a hesitant whisper. the weight of uncertainty settled around you, and your dad’s brow furrowed in empathy. he approached you to comfort you. “i think i messed up,” you confessed, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

he paused to study your face, and then he spoke, his tone filled with reassurance. “i’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad. who could ever not want to see you?”

a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, grateful for his attempt to ease your worries. “you’re just saying that because you’re my dad.”

he reached out, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “you know that’s not true. and you know he wants to see you because he cares for you, and he knows you care for him too.”

“and what if that’s not enough?”

his gaze softened, “then you shouldn’t base your worth on what some guys thinks of you.”

“some guy? i thought you liked soobin.”

“yeah, but i like you more.” he pulled you into a warm embrace, the strength of his love wrapping around you like a shield. as he left the room, a sense of comfort lingered in the air. you sat there, the moment stretching, the decision before you felt like a bridge to cross, but you chose to not let fear dictate your actions.

with a determined exhale, you reached for your phone.

to soob: hey, i saw you just got home. whenever you get a chance, can you come over? i think we need to talk.

later that night, in the quiet stillness of your room, you receive a knock on your door. your heart quickened. you leaped out of bed, ready to face whatever awaited for you on the other side of the door. 

“hey,” you breathed, the door swinging open to reveal soobin.

“hi,”

“please come in,” you invited him in. you held the door open, allowing him to step into your sanctuary. “how have you been?”

“good,” he replied, though there was a subtle hesitance in his tone.

“really?”

he left out a soft chuckle, a nervous habit that betrayed the calm facade he tried to maintain. “well, no, but i thought it was the appropriate thing to say.” his hand moved to rub the back of his neck. “how are you?”

“been better,” you confessed.

he settled onto the edge of your bed, and you joined him.

“so you wanted to talk?”

“i’m sorry,” the words tumbled from your lips.

“for?”

“everything?” the raw honesty of the moment threatened to engulf you. “asking for a break, not talking to you. i messed everything up.”

“you didn’t mess anything up,” he countered.

“but look at where we are,” you murmured, your gaze falling to the floor, unable to bear the weight of the truth in his eyes.

“and where is that?”

“here.” you took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “i just want us to be good like before,” you said after a long pause.

soobin’s expression softened, “me too. i’ve missed you.”

“like crying and throwing up every night?” you teased.

“eh, something like that,” a hint of a smile played on his lips, the lamplight catching the warmth in his eyes.

“good to know,” you replied, a smile tugging at your own lips.

“i’ve said this before, but you’re really it for me.” 

“is that so?”

“yeah, even though your dad was giving me a stank as i was coming upstairs.”

“he was?”

“yeah, and i thought your parents loved me.”

“they do!”

“that doesn’t sound convincing,” he joked, a genuine laugh filling the room, echoing off the walls.

“they do, they do.” you try to convince him. “they’re just really protective.”

“well, how can i get in their good graces again?”

“maybe by kissing me.” you suggest, teasingly.

“you think kissing their daughter is going to make them not hate me?”

“yeah, i think it might be a start.” you replied, your voice soft, but sure.

“okay.” 

he cups your face, pulling you into a tender kiss. as your lips met his, a surge of warmth spread through you, grounding you in the present moment. your hands found their rightful place on the back of his neck, fingers intertwining with the soft strands of his hair. in that fleeting, stolen breath of moment, the world outside seemed to dissolve, leaving just the two of you suspended in this fragile, but powerful connection.

when you finally pulled away, the room took a breath with you. in that moment, everything felt right again. you were back to your version of normal, and it was perfect.

soobin sat cross legend on your bed waiting for you to bring up some snacks. it was the first weekend of your spring break and he decided to come down to surprise you. while waiting for you, his gaze fell upon a large envelope on your bedside table, its seal embossed with the emblem of the culinary school that you had told him about.

“okay, this is a new recipe that i’ve been working on.” you announce, walking into the room with a plate of cookies in your hand. “i want you to be honest with me. that being said, if you hate it, i’m going to cry.”

“why didn’t you tell me that you got in?” he asked as he inspected the envelope.

“because i’m not going.” you set the plate on your bed.

“why not?” concern was etched into the lines of his face.

“for starters,” your gaze drifted to the windows. “i got more money from other schools. besides, it’s on the other side of the country.”

“so?”

“so, that’s too far.”

“but you knew where it was when you applied,” he pressed. “and it’s your dream school.”

“that doesn’t matter, soobin.”

“well, why not?”

“because, you’re here.” you admitted.

“so, you’re staying for me?”

“you don’t want me to?”

“no,”

“oh,”

“y/n,” he leaned forward, reaching out to touch your hand. “i don’t want you to give up on your dreams because of me.” his thumb was tracing patterns on your hand. “why is it so easy for you to understand when it comes to me but not when it comes to you?”

“i’m not giving up on my dreams,” you argued, your eyes meeting the boy on your bed with determination. “i just want to be with you right now.”

his fingers tightened around yours, trying to grasp the gravity of your decision. “we can still be together.”

“with 2000 miles between us?” you questioned. “we could barely handle a hundred. we’re finally good again. i don’t want to go to school across the country and have that change.”

“nothing’s going to change.”

“you don’t know that.”

“you’re right, i don’t know that.” he began, “but i do know that we literally broke up six months ago, and now i’m sitting on your bed again.”

“it wasn’t a break up; it was a break,” you interjected, a small smile playing on your lips.

“okay,” he dragged out the last syllable. “but my point still stands. we’ve been through a lot and we always end up right beside each other.”

you get your laptop from your desk and log into the admissions portal. “are you going to accept it now?”

“no time like the present.”

five months later, you found yourself getting in a taxi to your dorm with your parents by your side. they insisted on driving you there, but you managed to convince them that a cross country road trip would cause more harm than good to your familial relationship.

as you settled into the backseat of the cab, the familiar scent of your mother’s perfume enveloped you. the engine hummed softly beneath you, and the rhythmic sound of tires on pavement created a comforting backdrop.

your mother’s eyes sparkled with a mixture of excitement and a touch of sadness. she reached over and gently squeezed your hand, her grip warm and reassuring. “are you excited, honey?” she asked.

your father, who sat in the front seat, spent the entire ride bombarding you with questions about pepper spray.

you managed to drown out your parents, looking out the window, watching the cityscape evolve as you approached your dorm. the towering skyscrapers seemed to reach for the sky, casting long shadows over the bustling streets. you felt a knot of nervous energy settle in your stomach.

at your dorm, your parents helped you carry your bags up to your room. the air tingled with the scent of freshly painted walls and the promise of new beginnings. your room was a blank canvas, waiting for you to imprint it with your personality.

as you unpacked, your mother offered suggestions for organizing your belongings, and your father, more practically, made a list of all the necessities you needed to get like extra blankets and a first aid kit.

yuna, whose school went back in session a few days earlier, texted you inviting you to hang out with her and her roommate. you walked your parents back to their hotel, eating takeout from a nearby chinese restaurant in their room.

as the meal came to an end, there was a bittersweet air, as you gathered your things and left their room. you met yuna in a park downtown, sitting with her roommate. you ran towards her, the anticipation and joy bubbling over. she enveloped you in a tight hug. “i’m so glad you’re finally here.”

as you walked through the park, the conversation flowed effortlessly. you felt a sense of peace settle over you. it was like the first taste of the home you were building for yourself in this new, unfamiliar place.

you arrived back at your dorm alone. your room greeted you with a sense of familiarity. your side was a collage of memories and personal touches – framed photos, trinkets from home, and the soft glow of fairy lights casting a warm, golden hue.

you sat on your bed, looking out the window, the skyscrapers now standing in line with you. the city’s pulsed thrummed faintly in the distance. gone were the nerves that accompanied you earlier. in their place, a newfound sense of determination settled within you. you knew you had to do what you needed to make this place your own. it was the beginning of a new chapter, and you were ready to embrace it with open arms.

and luckily for you, this new chapter did not come at the detriment of your relationship at first. for the first two months of the semester, you and soobin were still talking everyday and about everything – your classes, the new recipes you were working on, how one of your professors worked at one of the most famous restaurants in the world, and about your friends, how much yuna’s presence helped you settle in, how your roommate neither leaves the room nor says a word to you.

for the first time in this relationship, you could almost say that everything was fine.

but as time went on, you felt yourselves shifting into your old patterns of not talking to each other. in the back of your mind, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that soobin had lied. it seemed like everything was changing. or maybe he was right. maybe this was how it always was. there were never enough hours in the day for you guys to be together and you were coming to find that had always been a pattern throughout your relationship. it was just like eighth grade, or the summer before he left for college, or his first semester of college. the story was almost exactly the same – first it was missing texts because of conflicting class times and time zones. but then hours became days which became weeks and before you knew it, winter break was knocking on your door.

this was the first time you would see soobin in four months and the only thing that you wanted to do was melt into his arms. the familiar sights of your childhood neighborhood rushed past as your dad drove you home from the airport. every turn brought you closer to that one house on the street, the house that held so many memories, and now, the promise of reconnection.

as the car pulled into your driveway, you couldn’t contain your excitement. leaping out, you dashed inside your house, tossing your bags onto your bedroom floor with reckless abandon.

his mother greeted you at the door. “y/n, honey, you’re back!” she exclaimed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

growing up, you never spent much time outside of soobin’s bedroom in his home. his father’s relentless work schedule and his mother’s hesitancy to host guests left the rest of the house shrouded in a quiet unfamiliarity. as you walked through the hallways, you thought about how cold and gray the house looked the summer they moved in. it wasn’t much different now.

a deep breath steadied you as you approached soobin’s closed door.

some things didn’t change. the butterflies that swarmed around in your stomach were a constant companion that signaled you were exactly where you needed to be. but then you thought about how lonely you were without him this semester and you decided that maybe everything changing was for the best.

“y/n, you’re home?” his face betrayed him showing confusion. he never had the best poker face.

“yeah,” you affirmed softly, pushing open the door. there, before you, sat a girl at his desk.

or not.

“uh, this is my friend from school, arin. she couldn’t get a flight home for winter break, so she’s staying here.” soobin explained.

“oh,” you responded with a mix of emotions swirling beneath the surface.

arin extended her hand to you. “hi, it’s so nice to meet you. you must be soobin’s neighbor.”

“and his girlfriend,” you added, declaring your place in the room.

awkward tension hung in the air, a palpable shift in dynamics. as the evening unfolded, you settled into a corner of the room, watching the two converse. your gaze shifted between them, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. you marveled at the ease with which they fell into conversation, recounting stories, laughing. a truly unsettling sight. a pang of envy tugged at your heart.

as the night wore on, their voices became a distant hum to you. you felt like a silent observer, a piece of scenery, fading into the background. you did not plan on watching your boyfriend giggle at someone else’s stories for three hours. you longed for his attention, but that seemed like an impossible request.

soobin, engrossed in his conversation, was too oblivious to your discomfort. it wasn’t that he didn’t care, but rather he was just caught up.

you watched them with a mixture of longing and resignation, trying to convince yourself that this was just a temporary moment of disconnect and that soobin would turn his attention back to you soon. but with each passing minute, that hope waned.

gathering resolve, you got up. “i think i’m going to head home.” you announced.

soobin and arin turned their attention to you, momentarily pulling away from their conversation. 

“are you sure?” soobin asked you.

you nodded. “yeah, it’s been a long day. i’ll see you later, soobin. it was nice to meet you, arin.” you turned back to your boyfriend, waiting for his response.

“i’ll walk you home,” he offered.

leaving the room, you couldn’t help but steal a glance back at arin, who was now engrossed in something on her phone. the ache in your chest grew.

the two of you stood in front of your house, the chill of the evening air settling around you. the soft glow from the porch light illuminated the path that led to your front door.

“so, she’s staying the entirety of winter break?” you asked.

“yup,” soobin replied, his words punctuated by a casual pop of the ‘p’. “is there something wrong?”

you hesitated for a moment. “no,” you finally shook your head, a small, rueful smile gracing your lips. “i just wanted to spend time with you alone.”

“we can still spend time together,” he assured. “i feel like you two would get along. she’s a lot like you.”

the reassurance didn’t offer the comfort you sought. instead, it settled uneasily in your stomach. you offered a distracted response, your gaze drifting from the quiet street to your front door. 

“yeah, maybe.”

“are you okay?” soobin asked, pulling you back to the present moment.

you forced a smile, masking the swirl of conflicting emotions beneath the surface. “yeah, just tired.”

“okay, goodnight, i’ll see you tomorrow.” he said, leaning down to kiss you. the touch of his lips felt foreign, like a puzzle piece that no longer fit quite right. it was an odd sensation, leaving you with a lingering sense of disconnection. like you were slipping away from each other. you didn’t want to think too much about it, but deep down you knew that no matter how tightly you tried to hold on, it would be no use.

“goodnight,” you whispered, stepping back and slipping into the warmth of your house.

the days that followed were a dance of awkwardness and unspoken tension. you yearned for soobin’s attention, for the familiar touch of his hand, but it just seemed so out of reach.

one chilly afternoon, you all gathered at a small diner on the corner of town. the warm scent of comfort food wrapped around you as you settled into the vinyl booth opposite arin. your boyfriend trailed behind you, hesitating for a moment before sliding into the booth beside you, a subtle shift that did not go unnoticed. it was a tiny pang, but it was there.

you smiled and tried to shake off the unease, focusing on the menu in front of you. as you chatted about school and plans for the break, you couldn’t help but notice soobin’s gaze flickering between the two of you. it was as if he was trying to find balance in a delicate equation.

another time, the three of you planned to visit the ice skating rink. when you arrived at soobin’s house, you were met with the unfamiliar sight of arin in the front seat of the car. you hesitated for a moment, unsure of where to sit. the glance you exchanged with arin held a silent question, but before you could say anything, soobin assured you it wasn’t a big deal.

as the car pulled away, the hum of their conversation and the pulse of the music filled the space, leaving you feeling like a distant observer.

you invited soobin over for a movie night, so imagine your surprise when you opened your front door to see both of them. you smiled dropped as you welcomed them into your house. this was supposed to bring back a flicker of normalcy. you were supposed to nestle into your boyfriend’s side. but even as the movie played, there was a subtle shift in the air. every moment spent with arin was a reminder of the growing distance, like a river slowly widening between you and the person you held closest.

then came that one precious weekend, a rare convergence of circumstances. both of you found your parents out of town at the same time. you invited soobin over and unfortunately, arin was working on a project for school so she couldn’t join. you had to stifle a surge of joy that threatened to bubble over.

“i’m so happy that we’re finally spending time together,” you exclaimed, gently closing your bedroom door behind you. soobin sat on your bed, with your computer resting on his lap. “alone.” you emphasized, a smile playing on your lips.

with purposeful steps, you crossed the room. you carefully lifted the laptop from his lap, placing it on your bedside table. then, with a graceful movement, you straddled his lap, feeling the warmth and familiarity of his presence beneath you.

“i really missed you,” you murmured, your breath mingling with his. leaning in, you captured his lips in a tender kiss.

the room pulsed with newfound energy as the kiss deepened. soobin’s touch was gentle as his hands found their place on the small of your back, holding you close, grounding you in the moment.

as passion ignited between you, a fire that had been smoldering for far too long, you hands moved with purpose, fingers deftly working to remove the barrier that separated you from him.

but then, he pulled away, his breaths coming in measured, uneven intervals. “w-what are you doing?”

“i’m ready,” you replied, your own voice barely above a whisper. the air crackled with tension, every beat of your heart echoing in the silence that followed.

he sat up straighter, his gaze locked with yours. “are you sure?”

“yes, soobin, i’m sure,” you asserted, mustering more confidence. “i want this.”

he took a moment, his breath steadying, before he spoke. “alright,” he said softly.

he gently guided you back onto the bed. “it might be more comfortable if i’m on top,” he suggested. he removed his shirt, casually tossing it to a corner of your room. “please tell me if you want me to stop.”

you nodded in understanding.

“i’m serious, y/n. i need you to tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”

“okay, i will.”

your heart raced as you laid there, your senses heightened. nervous energy tingled through your veins as his hands caressed your sides. his fingers traced the curves of your hips and thighs slowly. every inch of your body lit with flames as he touched you ever so lightly.

slowly, you mirrored his movements, your hands reached for the hem of your t-shirt. with a deep breath, you took off the old t-shirt to match him, laying eagerly in your pretty pink bra.

he stopped to look at you. “wow.” he breathed out. a rush of warmth flooded your cheeks, and you instinctively buried your face in  your hands. he pulled your hands down. “don’t hide your face from me, baby.” he murmured with tender eyes. “you’re just so pretty.”

you pulled him down to kiss him. “i need you,” you moaned into the kiss.

soobin’s mouth never left your body as he fumbled with his pants. he licked and sucked on your neck, taking his time with his gray sweatpants. soft moans and sighs kept slipping from your lips as he marked your skin.

“wait,” he stopped. “do you have a condom?”

“top drawer,” you breathed out.

soobin reached into the drawer by the bed, his fingers deftly finding the box nestled amidst an array of trinkets.

“open up for me.” you did as he said, and spread your legs a little wider. he could tell you were nervous as he pulled down your shorts. “do you trust me?” he asked, to which you nodded. “it might hurt for a second, but i promise you, it will only be a tiny amount of pain.” you wrapped your legs around his waist and he slowly rocked his hips against you.

you felt him position his hips so that they were perfectly in line with yours, his tip edging your entrance. he began to work his way into you inch by inch, before steadily pushing in until you were filled with his entire length. he threw his head back in pleasure as he bottomed out in you. your hands still on the back of his neck, you nudged him closer to you. “i know it hurts, baby. i’m sorry. just tell me what you need.”

the pain and discomfort was quickly replaced with pleasure. you gasped quietly, and soobin took it as a sign to finally begin moving. he fell into a rhythm of deep slow thrusts just sent you spiraling. he leaned his face down to your neck for a moment, pressing kisses along your flesh and nipping at your shoulder.

“f-fuck, you feel so good.”

he raised his face again, your noses inches apart. your face was contorted in pleasure and he couldn’t help but groan, thrusting into your harder.

“soobin?” you moaned out.

“yeah, baby? i’m right here.”

“i love you.”

he leaned back down to kiss you, his lips trailing down your jawline to your neck.

every kiss, every thrust progressively getting faster was sending you over the edge, making you pant and moan underneath him. the sounds coming from you were making his head spin and he could feel himself getting closer to his orgasm.

he was hitting you in the right spot, causing a knot to form in your lower stomach as you approached your breaking point. the knot in your stomach tightened and snapped. your walls spasmed and clenched around him as you released all over his cock. your body was shaking from the intensity, as you cried his name out. fueling his organs. his hips stuttered and he joined you in climax.

his movements ceased to slow rolls of his hips before eventually stopping.

soft pants and deep breaths invaded the space and filled the room around you. you stayed like that for a moment, catching your breath. he then carefully pulled out. he held your body close to his chest, his eyes softening as he looked down at your exhausted face. 

you nuzzled your head into soobin’s neck, kissing along his jawline. “that was so good.” you said between kisses. soobin responded with a contented hum, his fingers gently rubbing against your arm. the soft rustle of the sheets provided a soothing backdrop to the intimacy you had just shared, cocooning you in a bubble of fleeting bliss

but as the minutes passed, a subtle shift began to settle between you, like a distant tremor foreshadowing an impending quake. soobin’s touch, once tender and reassuring, began to falter. his breath, once steady and calming, now held an undertone of uncertainty.

“i should probably go back home,” soobin said, his arm slowly retreating from around your shoulder. “arin is alone.”

“seriously?” you turned to face him, a mixture of confusion and anger plastered on your face.

“what? she’s a guest.”

“you’re leaving?” you hold onto his arm, desperate to keep him close. “i thought you were going to spend the night.”

“i can’t leave her alone.”

“soobin, i just lost my virginity to you…” your voice trailed off, tears forming in your eyes. your hands dropped to your lap. the room seemed to close in around you, suffocating in its silence.

“y/n–” you could feel your blood boiling.

“don’t.” you shifted away from him on the bed. “i just lost my virginity to you and you want to spend the night with some other girl.”

“i’m not spending the night with her.”

“what’s so special about her?”

“what?”

“why have you chosen to spend every moment of this break with her instead of me?”

“we spend time together.”

“yeah, with her always there.”

the room seemed to hold its breath, the weight of your words settling into the air.

“she’s my friend and i care about her.”

“you care about her?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, every word laced with a pain that cut through the silence.

“yes i do. she couldn’t go home for winter break. I just want to make sure she doesn’t feel alone.”

“well what about me?”

“y/n, come on.”

“i told you i loved you.”

“y/n, i–” you could almost hear your heart break. he couldn’t even say it back to you.

you quickly sobered up, your walls rising like a fortress around you. “i think you should leave.”

“hey,” he reached out to hold you, but you swatted his hand away, the touch too little, too late. his fingers hung in the air for a moment before dropping, defeated.

“no. i don’t want you here anymore. you should go home.”

soobin stood up and got dressed. his movements were deliberate and slow as he gathered his scattered clothes. he dressed in silence, every gesture laden with a sense of finality. as he stood by the door, fully dressed, soobin turned to look at you. his eyes held a mixture of regret and longing, a silent plea for understanding that hung in the space between you. you met his gaze, your heart aching with a complex blend of emotions – love, betrayal, and a yearning for something that now felt impossibly distant.

the door creaked open and closed softly, the sound echoing in the hollow space left behind. 

putting on a robe, you sat by your window, watching him go into his house, praying, hoping that he would turn around, see you sitting by your window, come back to you. but he just walked into his house, the door closing with a finality that sent a shiver down your spine. your room felt emptier than ever before.

you laid in your bed and let the tears fall freely, each drop a painful release. the weight of reality settled on your chest. a heavy ache seeped into your bones.

the days that followed felt like a slow-motion train wreck. it was as if the color had drained from the world, leaving only shades of gray. every passing moment that you didn’t hear from soobin was a jagged piece of glass, cutting into your soul. each night seemed longer than the last, filled with the silent echo of his absence.

you didn’t even know what hurt more — the raw vulnerability of giving him everything, only to have him leave, or the deafening silence that followed. the unanswered questions swirled like a storm in your mind. why hadn’t he reached out? was he feeling the same heartache that clung to your every breath?

his parents even visited for dinner and you had to paint a smile on your face throughout to hide the storm that raged within. when his mom inquired about your absence, you concocted a tale, your voice steady even though your heart felt like it might shatter.

other than your parents, the only person you spoke to was yuna, who became your lifeline even though she was on vacation with her parents. she was a voice of reason and a source of much-needed laughter. “honestly, fuck him. and fuck her too,” she declared.

“she didn’t even do anything,” you murmured in arin’s defense.

“who the fuck sits in the front seat of someone else’s boyfriend’s car?” yuna fired back, making you chuckle.

"i wish you were here. it's so miserable. i can't even leave my house because i'm scared i'm going to see him," you confessed, your voice a whisper edged with pain.

"if i was there, he'd probably have to file a restraining order against me."

returning to campus was like stepping onto a battlefield, but yuna was determined to wage war against the memories that threatened to engulf you and make you forget about a certain dark haired boy whose name you were no longer allowed to say. “you know what they say: in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone else.” she proclaimed from your closet, picking out something for you to wear tonight.

“i don’t know if i’m ready to get under someone else,” you admitted, fixing your mascara in your bathroom mirror, dressed in your robe.

“doesn’t matter if you actually do. you just need to get your mind off of him.” she hands you a black dress. “wear this. it always looks good on you.”

and so, you allowed yourself to be swept up in a night of bar hopping. the pulsing music and laughter washed over you like a healing balm. for a few precious hours, you were just another college student, drowning your sorrows in neon lights and thumping bass.

between the nights out, you threw yourself completely into your studies, the pursuit of a summer internship becoming your north star. you came to school to do something, and you weren’t going to let your heartache consume you.

spring was always a happy time for you. the air was warm, carrying with it the promise of renewal. it had been months since you had thought about soobin, and even longer since you had seen him. for the first time since that unfortunate night, you felt like you were completely over him. or at least getting there.

as you strolled back to your dorm from class, the world hummed with a quiet energy. the sun hung low in the sky and the air was soft and warm against your skin. but then you saw a familiar silhouette leaning against your dorm building. time seemed to stretch in that moment, the world around you fading into a blur. your heart quickened its pace, a staccato beat echoing in your chest.

"y/n," he breathed, his voice a soft plea that hung in the air. his presence was a sudden gust of wind, stirring the carefully constructed walls around your heart.

your guard was up, a fortress of steel around your heart. you wouldn't let him waltz back into your life just to tear you apart again. "what are you doing here?" you demanded, your voice steady despite the turmoil within.

"i wanted to talk to you."

"how did you find my address?"

"your mom gave it to my mom, who gave it to me."

you let him into your building, signing him in with the security guards in the front. the familiar surroundings now felt foreign with him there. in the confines of your dorm room, he looked around, his gaze grazing over the familiar details that now seemed foreign.

“you said you wanted to talk. so talk.” you said to him sitting down. you were so grateful that your roommate had gone to class. you really didn’t need her to be in the room with you now.

he glanced around, his face marked with uncertainty. “i don’t know where to start.”

you met his gaze without a word.

“i guess… i could start with sorry.” he offered with a nervous chuckle.

“i think that’s too little, too late, soobin.” you asserted, matter of factly.

“i miss you.”

“you can’t keep saying that.” your shoulders sunk. looking at him now, you could feel all the emotions bubbling back up — the anger, the hurt, the tears, they were all coming back to you.

“i know, but it’s true.” he rushed to add. “that’s why i came here. i wanted to see you. i know we didn’t leave things the right way.”

“soobin, you were the first person i ever had sex with and you left me right after.” you tried to keep your cool and maintain your composure, but it was getting increasingly harder.

“i-i know. i’m sorry,” he stammered, remorse filling his eyes.

“is that all you came here to say? sorry?” he looked at you apologetically, offering no further words. “you hurt me so much and you couldn’t even say anything to me afterwards. i waited every day for months to see if you would ever call me and you didn’t. it was like i meant nothing to you. it was just so easy for you to forget that i existed.” as the words flowed, you felt a strange mixture of relief and sadness wash over you. the wounds were still fresh, but there was a catharsis in finally addressing the unspoken.

“i’m s—” he stopped himself. “i know i hurt you. i don’t know what i can do to make it right.”

“i don’t think there’s anything you can do to make it right.” you said, wiping the slow tears from your face. you sat up, meeting his gaze squarely. “i spent our entire relationship fighting for you to pay attention to me. i can’t do that anymore. i don’t want to beg someone to care about me.”

“i care about you. you know that.”

“do i?”

“i didn’t think this conversation would go like this if i’m being completely honest.”

“i’m not angry at you anymore. at least i’m trying not to be.” you tell him. “and i don’t hate you, if you thought i did. i don’t think i could ever hate you.”

“i don’t think i can’t not have you in my life.”

“i’m still your neighbor.” you joked.

“it’s not the same.” he admitted quietly, sitting beside you. “y/n, i love you.”

“soobin–” you turned to face him, searching his eyes for any sign that he understood the depth of your pain.

“i know, it’s too late. i just wanted you to know.” his gaze fixed on his hands, fingers tracing invisible patterns on his jeans. “i can’t erase the past. but i want to try to make amends, to find a way back to some semblance of… of friendship, maybe.”

friendship. the word hung in the air, a fragile bridge between your shared history and the uncertain future.

“i don’t know if we can be friends. not right now, at least. maybe not ever.”

he looked up, pain etched in the frown lines across his face. “i understand,” he murmured, voice heavy with regret.

silence enveloped, broken only by the distant sounds of life outside. after what felt like an eternity, you finally spoke, your voice softer now. “i think i need time. to you know, figure out my shit.”

he nodded. “i want you to know that i’m sorry. truly.”

“i know.”

with a heavy heart, you walked him to the door. as he left, you closed the door behind him, leaning against it for support. alone in the quiet of your dorm, you let the tears come. finally you had a release of all the emotions long held in check. you had tried your hardest to bury them, but now it was time for them to finally come out. the pain was still there, but with each tear that fell, you felt a small measure of healing begin.

in the days that followed, you took each moment as it came, allowing yourself to grieve for what was lost and to slowly rediscover the strength within you. spring continued to dance outside, and you vowed to find your own renewal.

taglist: @boba-beom @dearlyjun @atinyniki @makoto @bunnie-hq @wiisoob @isabellah29 @pluviophile-xxx

fill out this form to join my taglist! author's note :: finally edited!! classic quintessential fay angst!! we're so back!! I wrote this story over the course of two months. it is the longest thing I have written so far and I am super proud of it. please lmk if I missed any warnings or have any typos. I really hope you enjoyed it

[storiesforallfandoms]

all the mistakes ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2866

request?: yes!

“I just started reading your stuff and I'm in love with the Colson stories!

I was wondering if you could do Colson x reader. Reader finds out she's pregnant by Colson and he doesn't think he's ready to be a dad again and abandons reader but then realizes a couple months later that he's truly in love with her and does everything he can to win her back?

If not, it's okay.. thank you ❤️”

description: in which he comes to apologize for all the mistakes he’s made leading up to the birth of their child

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, child birth (not in detail obviously), lil angsty and sad but it ends happy, rpf (if you don’t like it don’t read)

masterlist (one, two, three)

Colson always said he wanted another kid. Especially once Casie started to go through her pre-teen years and he found himself wishing she was still a baby again. He and (Y/N) had talked about it so many times, and they had both agreed that they wanted to have a baby together.

So why did he run away when she actually got pregnant?

Colson could still remember it all so vividly: the look of happiness on (Y/N)’s face when she showed him the positive pregnancy test, the heavy feeling in his stomach that turned to panic that rose into his throat, the sound of (Y/N)’s voice as he grabbed some of his things and left without another word. He could remember the sound of his phone constantly chiming as (Y/N) tried to text and call him, until finally he had to put her contact on mute. It didn’t take her long to give up trying to contact him, though.

He didn’t know why he did it. He had been asked by so many people - his boys, his mom, Ash, even Casie herself - but he had no answer. When (Y/N) first told him she wanted to have kids with him, he had been so excited. So where did his sudden panic come from when it actually happened? Why was he suddenly so doubtful over his ability to be a father again?

He couldn’t bring himself to go back. He was embarrassed for the way he reacted, and he thought (Y/N) wouldn’t take him back anyways. Not that he blamed her. How could she take back the man who got her pregnant and then ran out on her? Because of his reluctance and fear of rejection, Colson didn’t see (Y/N) for months. And he would’ve kept it that way if it wasn’t for Casie throwing his car keys at him and forcing him out of the house.

“You have to go see her,” Casie said as she slammed the door in her father’s face and locked it.

“You gave me my keys, Cas, I can get back in,” he pointed out.

She held up the house key that usually hung on Colson’s keyring. “I took it off. You’re not getting back in until you go see (Y/N) and apologize for being stupid.”

“She’s not gonna wanna see me.”

“You don’t know that! She’s carrying your child, and I’d doubt she seriously wants that kid to grow up without a dad.”

Colson didn’t want to admit that he thought (Y/N) probably got rid of the baby the second he walked out on her. “Cas, come on, just let me back in.”

But Casie just crossed her arms and glared at him. After a few minutes, Colson sighed and rolled his eyes. There was no use in trying to get back in unless he did exactly what Casie wanted, so he went to his car and drove the familiar route to get to (Y/N)’s place.

At least I can get the rejection over with quickly and get back into my own house, he thought to himself.

Pulling up to her house, Colson started picturing the night he left again. He wanted nothing more than to turn his car around and go back home, but he knew Casie could tell if he was lying to her. His hands were shaking as he shut his car off and put the keys into his pocket. He was almost hoping that (Y/N) wasn’t home. Maybe if she wasn’t, Casie would drop it and let him back into the house without having to actually deal with the situation.

But her car was in the driveway, so she had to be home.

Colson made his way up to the front door and raised his hand to knock. He hesitated, unable to make his hand move. His brain was still screaming at him to turn around and go home, but he had come this far. He couldn’t just back out now. At the very least, maybe he could give (Y/N) some closure so they could both move on from this, since he knew there was no way that she was going to take him back.

He finally moved his hand to knock. It didn’t take long for him to hear the sound of footsteps coming towards the door, and when the door opened it felt like the floodgates within him had opened.

(Y/N) was stood there, her belly big enough to tell him that she was still carrying his child. She had never looked so beautiful to him before.

Her eyes were wide, almost like a deer caught in headlights. He was the last person she expected to see on her doorstep, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to slam the door in his face or throw herself into his arms and beg for him to never let her go again.

“Hey,” Colson finally said. “Uh...I’m sorry to surprise you like this. I probably should’ve called first or something.”

“You wouldn’t have gotten through. I blocked your number,” she told him.

Ouch, he thought. I deserve that, though.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. “If it’s to finally get the last of your stuff that you left here, I have it in boxes in the spare room. I can bring it all down and send you on your way within five minutes.”

There was a lot he wanted to say in response to that, but instead he found himself saying, “You probably shouldn’t be lifting too much or going up and down the stairs a lot in your condition.”

Her face darkened as she glared at him. “Don’t pretend you give a shit now.”

Colson sighed and shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Can I come in? I just wanted to talk, to apologize.”

(Y/N) scoffed. “You leave me when I tell you I’m pregnant - with a baby that you wanted, might I add - and you leave for months, with no calls or texts or anything. And now you think you can come back and just...apologize for all of that?”

“I know, I fucked up - ”

“No, you don’t know,” she cut him off. “You really fucked up. You beyond fucked up, actually. You don’t understand how much it hurt me when you just walked out. You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts. I thought you were going to be happy when I told you I was pregnant. We talked about starting our own family for so long, and I thought you’d be overjoyed for this. But you just walked out and didn’t come back. You do not understand how hard that was for me to deal with, how hard it still is to deal with, while also trying to deal with this pregnancy all on my own!”

She was starting to cry. She mentally cursed her pregnancy hormones for making her so much more susceptible to tears lately. She didn’t want him to see her cry, especially not over him.

When he extended his arms to her, though, she gladly took the comforting hug. She sobbed into his chest, trying to take in his familiar smell and warmth without letting him back in too much. He couldn’t just come in and demand a second chance like this, but she also couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t relieved to see him on her doorstep.

Colson guided her into the house, closing the door behind them and bringing (Y/N) to her living room. They both sat down on her couch and (Y/N) wiped the tears from her eyes. She reached for a tissue from a box on one of her side tables and blew her nose as well.

“I had to start leaving tissue boxes in every room,” she sighed. “Stupid fucking hormones. I cry at everything now.”

“At least you’ve managed to prepare yourself for it,” Colson said.

She sighed and wiped at her face again. She felt so puffy and gross, and not just from the crying. The pregnancy had made her feel so many negative emotions. Even now, when she was supposed to be mad at Colson, she found herself self conscious about her round belly and how it made her look to him.

“Why did you leave?” she asked him. “I thought you wanted another baby.”

“I do,” he responded. “I should’ve been so goddamn excited when you told me you were pregnant. I think I would’ve felt that way if I wasn’t such an idiot instead and started feeling doubt about being a father again.”

(Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...I panicked when you told me. I found myself thinking about if I was cut out to be a dad again. Like, what if I ended up missing so much of the baby’s life the same way I did with Casie? I wasn’t ready to be a dad when Emma was pregnant with Casie because I was so young, and I found myself back in that mindset when you told me you were pregnant. Just this sudden panic and self doubt.”

“But we talked about this. You said you wanted another baby.”

“I know. I don’t understand it either. It’s just my fucked up brain ruining everything again.”

(Y/N) placed her hand on Colson’s in a comforting gesture. “You’re not fucked up, and you are an amazing dad to Casie. I have no doubts that you’ll be even better with this baby, especially now since you’re older and have experience.”

Colson shook his head and let out a humorless laugh. “I can’t believe I was so stupid to let myself get worked up like that, though. I should’ve been so excited. We should’ve had a big ass fucking party to celebrate, and then you should’ve been moving into my house so we could start this family together. I shouldn’t have run out the door and left you like that.”

“Why didn’t you ever call or text me before now?”

“I felt embarrassed and stupid for my reaction. For the longest time, I just felt like I couldn’t face what I did, or face you. And then the more that time went on, the more I felt like coming back was a mistake. I figured you would kick me to the curb and tell me to never speak to you again. I thought...I thought that...if you even still had our baby, that you’d never let me see them anyways.”

(Y/N) found herself running her fingers along the back of his hand. What he was saying all made sense, and she felt like she believed him. She didn’t think he was malicious in leaving her. He didn’t do it because he was an asshole, he did it because he panicked suddenly and made a bonehead move, then his embarrassment got the better of him and made him overthink the situation even further. It didn’t completely heal the wound that his leaving had left inside of her, but it was enough to make her think she could possibly forgive him.

“If you had shown interest, I would’ve let you see her,” she said. “I would never keep you from your daughter if you wanted to be in her life.”

Tears were forming in Colson’s eyes as he looked up at (Y/N). “It’s a girl? You know that for sure?”

(Y/N) could feel herself welling up again, too. She nodded and got up to get the ultrasound she kept on the fridge. She passed it to Colson and sat down next to him.

“That’s her,” she said. “She was once the size of a peanut when I got my first sonogram, and now she’s a fully formed baby.”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna have another daughter,” Colson breathed.

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“Definitely a good way. I would’ve loved to have a son, but if there’s anything that being Casie’s dad has taught me, it’s that I love being a girl dad.” He placed the ultrasound on the coffee table and turned to face (Y/N). “I love you, too. More than anything, (Y/N). I was such a fucking idiot to ruin us the way I did, but I never stopped loving you in that time we had apart. I wanted nothing more than to call you or to show up on your doorstep like I did today, but I was terrified of what your reaction would be if I did.”

“I love you, too,” (Y/N) replied. It was the truth. She hadn’t stopped loving Colson, no matter how angry or upset he had made her. She loved him so much, and she felt like carrying his child had made her love him even more. “But you hurt me a lot. I meant what I said, you can’t just come in and say you’re sorry and suddenly everything goes back to normal.”

“I know, and I’ll do anything to win back your trust. Whatever you want, (Y/N), I’ll do it.”

“Right now, I want you to be here for the rest of my pregnancy, and I want you to be there when your daughter is born. We can take things from there.”

Colson nodded. “Will you come stay with me and Casie at least? I intended on asking you to move in with me anyways, and I know that’s a big ask right now, but I want you to be there and to start making it your home, because eventually it will be. Your home, and hers.” He put his hand on her bump, thinking about how his baby girl was growing in there.

(Y/N)’s eyes lit up as she nodded. “Give me a few minutes to pack a few things, and then we can head over. I want to see Casie anyways. I’ve missed her so much.”

~~~~~~

A few months later, Colson and (Y/N) were on the way to the hospital in the middle of the night. (Y/N) had woken up to pee and ended up having her water break. She woke Colson with her surprised shriek and he got everything together for the two of them to go to the hospital. Casie was at Emma’s, so Colson texted Emma to let her know that the baby was coming and to let Casie know that she would be a big sister by the time she woke up.

The labor pains weren’t as bad as (Y/N) expected, but they were still certainly the worst pain she had ever felt. Colson stayed by her side through the entire process, just like he promised. He let (Y/N) use his hand as a stress ball, crushing it with every contraction pain she felt. He stayed in the room after the doctor’s announced it was time to push and, even though he did feel a little lightheaded during the birthing process, he stayed to hear his baby girl cry for the first time.

The doctors let him cut the umbilical cord before they washed the baby girl and wrapped her in a soft, pastel pink blanket. The doctor passed Colson the baby and Colson sat next to (Y/N) so she could see her, too.

“She’s so beautiful,” (Y/N) breathed. “Besides the fact that she looks like a little prune.”

Colson chuckled. “Yeah, she definitely needs a day or two to look less wrinkly, but she’s gorgeous. You really did it, baby.”

(Y/N) mustered enough strength to reach out and lightly graze the baby’s cheek with her finger. “She was definitely worth all that pain and the exhaustion. Although, to be honest, I don’t think I can fight the sleep much longer.”

Colson leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Get some rest. When you’re feeling up to it, we’ll get Casie to come see her baby sister.”

(Y/N)’s eyes started to close, but Colson could see that she was trying to fight her fatigue. “We haven’t named her yet.”

“We can do that when you wake up. We have so much time to get everything figured out. You already did all of the hard stuff, let me help out with this side of things.”

She smiled, sheepishly, and forced her eyes open for another moment to look at Colson. “I love you.”

He smiled back at her. “I love you, too. More than you could ever know. Now, get some rest. We’ll both be here when you wake up.”

(Y/N) nodded and finally closed her eyes. It didn’t take her long to drift off to sleep. Colson stood so he could put the baby in the bed that the nurses had brought in to put next to (Y/N)’s bed. She had already stopped crying and had also been lulled to sleep in Colson’s arms. When he had her laid down, he stepped back to look at his two girls. He smiled and couldn’t help the tears that started to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t be any happier than he was in that moment.

[slvtforfiction]

How about meeting Jakes family for the first time? Maybe for the holidays since they’re coming up 👀

Family ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

☆ AHHHH

☆ Anon lots of love <3

☆ Jake Webber X Reader ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

☆ Fluff ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

☆ MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

☆ Masterlist

☆ Part 2

☆ Hey guys! Before anything else I would ask you to request anything you want because I've lost a lot of motivation and it would really help! :D

Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)

“Hey love?” Jake called out as I sat in the living room watching YouTube. “I’m in the living room!” I shouted unaware of where he was.

“Can I ask you something?” He said looking at me gently, “Yeah sure what’s up?” I said,pausing the tv and turning to look at him.

“Do you want to go to my parents this year? Like we can go there for Christmas dinner?” He asked and my eyes lit up. “Yes!” I said excitedly.

This wasn’t my first Christmas with Jake,we had been dating for a little over 3 years and I was excited to be a bigger part of his life.

The holidays had been long awaited,Christmas especially. Our apartment was decorated by late November and hot chocolates and late night drives became more regular.

The Christmas tree me and Jake had decorated was beautiful,the golden silver colours lit up the room and the flowers were set on the kitchen island.

“You’re excited,huh?” He said teasingly, “I’ve always liked Christmas,im just happy I get to spend the time with you.” I said softly smiling up at him.

“What you watching?” He asked and I looked at the screen then back at him “One of Sam and Colby’s videos.” I said smiling up at him as he sat down next to me,cuddling up with me under my blankets.

“So this is it.” I said smiling at him as we knocked on his parents door. They quickly opened it,clearly happy to see me.

“Hi!” I said smiling at his parents as they invited me and Jake in.I looked around their house and it was beautiful,stunning even.

“Hi! How are you? You must be this Y/n we’ve been hearing about!” His mum replied smiling at me contently.

“Yeah! I must say I love your house it’s so beautiful.” I said to her as I shook her hand.

“Awh thank you dear.” She said smiling at me. “Would you like to help me in the kitchen?” She asked and I smiled back at her “Yeah,ofcourse!” I replied happily.

Jake pulled out my chair as I sat down with him sitting next to me,I looked down the table seeing the rest of his family members,conversing with a few.

“This looks amazing,thank you mum.” Jake smiled at her “Oh no,thank Y/n she’s a wizz in the kitchen you know!” She said smiling whilst looking at both of us as me and Jake laughed to ourselves.

“Awh thank you but honestly it was all you.” I said laughing to myself as everyone began to load up their plates.

I dug into my meal as I spoke to everyone around me,Jake occasionally giving me encouraging glances.

“So how did you two meet?” His mum asked and everyone glanced over at me,I looked over at Jake and he smiled at me taking my hand in his,his mum asked us almost every time she saw us and it was sweet to relive the story.

“He was filming a YouTube video and our friend invited me to be in it and honestly the rest is history.” I giggled to myself.

I remembered the video vividly when Johnnie invited me I smiled and took the chance to meet his friends.

The video consisted of truth or dare where Jake practically learnt everything about me and before I left I had managed to get his number and Johnnies approval.

“That’s sweet.” His mum and dad said in unison and me and Jake agreed.I smiled as I ate the food,the smell alone enough to make me hungry. I sipped on the white wine which had been placed infront of me.

The table was full of family and close friends,the faint music in the background and the occasional conversation as we all dug into our meals.

Jake spared glances my way occasionally smiling at me with hearts in his eyes. Our relationship was the talk of the table and I smiled shyly as we were discussed.

Jake told me it would happen and it was nothing bad,just the slight feeling of attention made me shy.

I smiled as we finished the dinner,helping his mum wash up the dishes as we spoke and then got the dessert ready to bring in.

We walked into the dining room with plates of Christmas pudding and handed them out,occasionally going back to the kitchen to grab more plates.

I sat back down next to Jake and smiled at his as I picked up my fork and dug into the pudding,as everyone around us seemed to do the same.

I smiled at Jake’s mum and said a polite thank you as she smiled back at me taking another bite of her food as I did the same.

Jake finished up his plate,as did I and then we announced we had presents in the car and we were going out to get them.

We went out to the car and quickly grabbed the presents as we walked back into the house afterwards,our arms entwined with presents.

We nudged open the door and began to hand out the gifts ; which everyone seemed to like.

Me and Jake snuggled together in bed after a long day ; visiting our families,the long drive to their house etc.

“Hey,I got you something but I wanted to give it to you when we were alone.” He told me and he removed his arms from around me and ruffled around in his underwear draw for a moment.

He came and sat down on the edge of the bed and I asked what it was,he got down on one knee opening the little box.

The ring was beautiful,three diamonds edged in the front,the rest of the band being silver.

I quickly sat up in bed looking at him, “Y/n,will you take me to be your husband?” He asked me and I almost jumped on top of him as I hugged him and shed a few tears of happiness.

“Yes!” I yelled out and he kissed my cheek putting the ring onto my hand.

[httpknjoon]

hello boyfriend | jjk

plot | You're drunk. Blaire was supposed to drive home but you want no one except your boyfriend to pick you up. The boyfriend that Blaire completely knows nothing about.

words | 2238

genres | fluff, crack,  secret relationship au, established relationship au, friends to lovers au

pairing | jungkook x reader

warnings | alcohol consumption, cursing

note | this one has been sitting in my docs for months now. but it's here! i missed writing for these two. let me know your thoughts! enjoy reading!

main masterlist  |  drabble series masterlist

"Wait! Wait! Wait!"

Through the ear-piercing and booming beat in the club, you managed to get the attention of your friends with your rowdy exclamation. There are only three people in your booth but because of the music, you had to speak like you are talking to a crowd. Even though you felt like everything around you was spinning, you managed to stand from the leather seat.

"What... What did you... did you just say?" your body swayed as you slurred your words.

Ella, the one who invited you tonight, repeated, stammering, "I said, being single is good, right? We're both been single for a very, very long time now. So, I guess, you'll understand."

She was a good friend of yours and Blaire, who's sitting next to you, from college. Three of you went to the same university years ago.  After graduating, Ella left the country and worked abroad. Five years later, she came back and immediately set a night to meet you and Blaire to catch up personally. It took three hours of chatting, reminiscing, and drinking to get you to the state you are in now. As the one with the highest drinking tolerance and always the designated driver, Blaire stays sober. While her two other friends came up with this dumb topic.

You tried to be steady on your feet as you looked at Ella, "Tsk. Tsk. That's where you are wrong."

Blaire bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. You were never this drunk since you began working or when you were out with your other friends. However, in college, you became too drunk one time that she had to call Jennie on the phone since you want to talk to your best friend or you’ll cry. But later, you became the one who will snooze off first after just a few drinks. But tonight, you were a little more talkative and vibrant than usual.

"I…” you grinned widely.  “have a boyfriend," you confessed, holding your head high.

Ella being the tipsy person that she is gasped dramatically. Like, she was betrayed or something. On the other hand, Blaire just shakes her head while putting down her almost-empty bottle. She assumes that you are simply babbling nonsense. She vividly remembers you rejecting Jenny’s blind date set up like a year ago, saying that you are happy with being single.

"Okay, okay. Both of you are already drunk. Let's just leave this—"

"Wait! No!" you screamed, cutting off Blaire. "You don't believe me, huh?"

You squinted your eyes at her before reaching for your phone in your purse. With all the alcohol flowing in your body this night, you had the urge to prove something to your friends. You unlocked your phone after two dizzy attempts and immediately rummage through your contacts. Your eyes gleamed when you found Bam’s dad. Jungkook set it up himself out of a joke.

"I'll go to the restroom." Ella was about to leave your booth when you pulled her arm back to her seat again.

"Wait, I'll prove to you that I'm not single. I’m seeing someone for two years now!" you persisted even though no one challenged you.

"But, I need to pee!" she whined and even stomped her heel on the ground.

You placed a finger on your lips, signaling for her to quiet down. You clicked your phone screen and it immediately began ringing. Your two friends heard it too since you put it in loudspeaker mode. Blaire leaned her back on the couch, massaging her forehead. She thought maybe you just clicked on some random contact or number on your phone. She hates to be the one to explain to your contact about your drunk action.

She can't stop herself from sighing, "Y/N, you're drunk. Let’s just go—"

"Hey, princess." 

"Hey, princess."

Jungkook rubs his eyes as he answered a call from you. His voice was raspier and deeper since he was just woken up from a short nap. He looked at his laptop in front of him and sees the work he left off before dozing off. He leaned his back on his swivel chair while he spotted Bam sleeping on his dog bed. Based on the noisy background from your line, it seems like you're still out. You told him earlier that you're going out with Blaire and Ella, whom he once met years ago too during college. So, he suggested having Bam in his place for the night. You said you’ll go home straight to your place since Blaire would be driving. He agreed, making her promise to contact and update you.

"Hello, boyfriend!" you giggled like a kid, making him smile instantly.

He can tell that you're already intoxicated just by the way you call him with that endearment. It’s one of those secret signs that you already have too many drinks. 

"Hello, girlfriend.” He greeted back with the same tone you used. He cannot help but chuckle. “How are you? Are you having fun there?"

"It's fun! It's great actually!" you chattered. "But... I miss you."

Jungkook can mentally picture you batting your eyelashes while pouting your lips from your location. He chuckled again, "Is that so?"

“Yes.” you huffed. “I want to go home!”

“Well, have you told Blaire? She’ll drive you home, right?”

It took you a long to respond. Jungkook only heard the music playing in the background and a few dialogues of you with Blaire, confusing him a little.

“I was telling you two, let’s go. I’ll drive.” He heard Blaire’s voice. Then another voice,

“Oh my gosh, can I just go pee now?!”

“No! I want my boyfriend to pick me up!”

“Princess–” Jungkook was about to try to talk to you but somebody spoke again. You were heard whining in the background.

“Hi, uhm… Bam’s dad.” Blaire paused as she read his contact name. “Um, you’re Y/N’s boyfriend?”

“Y-Yes.” he stuttered, suddenly feeling a weird knot in his stomach. 

On the other hand, Blaire wanted to ask more about this unknown guy since you never mentioned dating anyone. It was suspicious how suddenly there is Bam’s Dad on your phone. She was contemplating if she should let you go home with this man as she doesn’t have any idea who he is. But she tried to shake off any negative thoughts since she will probably meet him later.

“It’s Blaire, Y/N’s friend, and assumably babysitter for tonight.” she shortly introduced herself, unaware that a close friend of hers is on the other line.  “She may be told you that I will drive them home tonight, which is what I was supposed to do now. But, your girlfriend here is being bratty and–”

“I’m not being bratty. I just miss him.” you cut your friend off with a huff.

“Whatever. Anyways, we’re in Double Aces. Can you pick her up?” Blaire exhaled. Jungkook can imagine her rolling her eyes in annoyance. 

Although taken aback, Jungkook replied, “Uh, of course. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Did his voice just go deeper?! Why? 

“Great! We’ll be waiting outside the bar, probably in my car. I just need to get these two away from more alcohol.” Blaire hurriedly said before hanging up.

Jungkook was admittedly hesitant at first. Suddenly, it felt like he doesn’t know Blaire and he has to introduce himself again. This time, as your boyfriend. He felt conscious about himself all over again. Thoughts and questions were all over his head before Bam, who woke up, snapped him out by barking. He breathed heavily.

“Okay, okay. Let’s pick up mom,” he told the dog, who followed him behind as he stood up.

Jungkook moved quickly, putting on his hoodie and picking up his keys. He opted to leave Bam since he’ll probably be too excited in the car to see you, even though you’re probably intoxicated. The drive to Double Aces was only fifteen minutes. Just when he arrived in front of the said bar, he saw a familiar car in front of the club.

And there he sees Blaire had your arm linked to her as you sway back and forth. She was holding an open bottle of water,

“Geez. Just drink it.”

“Okay, okay. Come on, ladies.”

Blaire returned your phone to your hand. You gasped when you saw the call already ended, and your friend rolled her eyes. Ella just watched the interaction between you two with heavy eyes. She raised an eyebrow,

“What do you mean?”

“I meant, we’re leaving. Go pick up your purse, I’m driving you back to your hotel.” Blaire replied.

“How about me?!” you whined.

“Your boyfriend is picking you up. He’s on his way.”

Boyfriend. Curiosity builds up in her chest as Blaire wonders who this mystery guy is. His voice seemed familiar though. But she cannot remember who she heard that voice from.

Your eyes widened in delight, “He is?! Yay!”

After five more minutes of talking to you and Ella, Blaire managed to convince you both to leave the club. She bought two bottles of water for each of you two. Ella was soberer than you so she was easy to follow when told to get in the car. Meanwhile, you insist on waiting outside the car for your boyfriend. Blaire, who just doesn’t want to argue, waited with you. She chain-linked her and your arms since you cannot really stand straight, leaning and moving back and forth. She still laughs at your unusual state.

She chirped, “How can I let you go with this mysterious boyfriend if your state is like this?”

“What?” you turned your head to her, eyes getting droopy. “He’s not mysterious.”

“I don’t know who the guy is, Y/N. You literally just dropped the news like twenty minutes ago. I don’t even know if I can trust him in taking you back to your home.” she replied seriously even though she was unsure you can truly understand her.

You smiled, “Oh, you’ll trust him. I’m sure. You know him.”

You were totally far from being sober. You just let words run out of your mouth, not really thinking anything.

“I know him?” Blaire repeated with a mocking tone. “Well then, what’s his name?”

“Jungkook.” 

A second of silence. Then, Blaire rolled her eyes again.

“Oh, fuck off.”

She laughed as she opened the bottle of water. Jungkook? Impossible. He is in your share friend group and if you two are dating for a couple of years now as you claimed, she would have known it by now. You were about to say more but she cuts you off while shaking her head,

“Geez. Just drink it.”

Blaire watch you guzzle the liquid before she heard a car engine near them. That’s when she sees a very familiar Jeep Wrangler and she knows only one person who drives around with that car. The door from the driver's side opened and as she quickly recognize who it was, she raised her eyebrows and swore it almost went past her forehead.

“What the fuck?”

“Babe!” 

You ran to Jungkook with open arms and immediately hugged him when walked in front of you and Blaire. Blaire remained wide-eyed at her spot. Jungkook tried to smile,

“Hi, Blaire.”

His smile was in between forced and nervous. He had his one hand on your back since you were still hugging him while the other gave a single wave to your statued friend. He knew you can hear his heavy heartbeats with how close your ear is to his chest while Blaire stared at you two.

“Y–You’re…” Blaire stutters as her index finger points between you and him.

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah… two years.”

You finally turned around, “See? I told you!”

Jungkook laughed at that while the surprise still hasn’t worn off Blaire. Somehow, your drunkenness calmed him down. She was about to say something when you looked at your boyfriend.

“Let’s go home. I’m tired.” you pouted.

“Okay, princess.”

Blaire just stood there, trying to remember the times she has seen you two together alone during group hangouts. Things were starting to make sense. If you didn’t run to hug her, she’s probably still spacing out there.

“I told you, you can trust him,” you whispered before turning to your boyfriend. “Babe, say goodbye to her!”

He followed, still wearing that shy smile on his face. Blaire just broke into a smile too, giving him a pat on his arm.

“I honestly have a lot of questions right now,” she confessed.

“I know. Surprise?” Jungkook joked and they both giggled. But when it dies down, he tried to say something, “Since she’s drunk and will likely forget tomorrow  that she just revealed our relationship, I hope… maybe you can…”

Without any more words or explanation, Blaire nods and formed a reassuring smile, “Yeah, I get it. I’m good at keeping secrets. We can talk all about this later… maybe when your girlfriend is sober and awake.”

She nods her chin to you. You were already resting your head on Jungkook while he holds you by the waist.

“Okay. Thank you, Blaire.” he smiled, weights lifting off his chest.

Blaire watched as Jungkook assist you in walking to his car. You were rambling about random things and he was playing along, nodding, and showing genuine reactions. She cannot help but smile at the interaction.

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[mwebber]

what are your favourite martian moments? 😺

thank u for asking eve i'm so glad i get to talk about two of my favourite people on god's green earth <3 in no particular order just off the top of my head...

#1: ABU DHABI 2022 i cannot state just how much brain damage this moment did to me. like i vividly remember freaking the fuck out about the martian interview on sky and talking to the besties and barbi @brawn-gp was like omg another moment do u want me to clip. and i was like YEAH YES. PLEASE. I LOVE YOU (i love you <3) and then i saw it and blacked out and when i awoke it was to this. unparalleled brainrot Truly there will never ever be another

#2. MARRIAGE QUOTE do i need to say anything else. when i saw this for the first time i think i nearly had an aneurysm

#3. SINGAPORE 2008 their first real red bull date.......... i think about them sitting on that couples rickshaw every monday giggling with each other generally being blushy messes sharing secretive smiles like they're the only ones in on a joke. also mark pretending to push seb off a building only to catch him STOP my heart is melting

(tumblr is being dumb and won't credit the gifs properly but they're from thnx-mate-blog)

#4. VLAD RYS GEORGIA K MOMENT this is unironically my favourite pic of seb to ever seb. and of course he's looking at mark. no further comments

#4.5 THE OTHER VLAD RYS GEORGIA K MOMENT. this photo is still so mind-boggling like why the fuck are you looking at each other like that. hi. hello?

#5. MONACO 2010 HUG.

#6. MAKE LOVE TO EACH OTHER / ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FIRST TIME. it's literally so fucking funny to me that red bull saw everybody's martian brainrot and was like. wouldn't it be so fucked up if we dropped that mark buttered seb's muffin after china 2009. twirls hair. haha wouldn't it be soooo random. if we did that

#7. WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IMAGE IS. i can't even look at it for too long i start feeling funny in my tummy

#8. SEB'S LONGING STARE. i ccant believe i forgot this one it should be higher up perhaps

#9. AUSTRALIA 2016/2017. their podiums are SSOOOOOOO.

#10. MATCHING PORSCHES. is it hot in here? do you feel feverish? i feel feverish

#11. RIGHT ONE'S HEAVIER. monaco 2021 when mark casually revealed how much he knows seb still after all this time that seb was like ".. yeah!" like he himself was pleasantly surprised that mark still cares and oh god. somebody hold me

#12. NEARLY SKINNY DIPPING AU CANADA. caliss de tabarnak attache ta tuque mark nhabille pas des sous vetements criss de tabarnak de caliss d'esti de sacrament de

(from thnx-mate-blog)

13. VERY GOOD. i just know they had a Conversation after mark retired that was soo insightful and healing that they still reference to this day. they're very good with each other. btw. if u didn't know.

14. LOVER'S TIFFS. i can't. i can't think about them anymore i think i need to be put in a straightjacket and locked up

#15. 2013 PRIZE GIVING. the way they look at each other...... i'd write 5 million words of rpf too

there's literally so many more moments i want to include on here like mark's "i hope when i'm 70 they're not still asking if i love sebastian" or top gear when mark was like "my dad always said you shouldn't hit boys mate" or when seb and mark were at hangar 7 post 2010 and he went for the wettest limpest high five hand hold known to man or when mark massaged seb's shoulder in australia 2009 or their 1-2 podiums in 2009 or in 2020 when mark was like i've moved on from ferrari for u or "seb didnt expect sex in monaco" or china 2010 when they were bitching with each other or when seb was like i don't understand what he's saying half the time or when seb was on mark's shoulders for a red bull stunt or when they played cricket in australia 2012 or when mark was like we're very well-suited to each other both very handsome in that one magazine or when mark addressed their relationship in like 2014 and said we wished each other well in austria as you do or after multi 21 when seb was like i was racing i was faster i passed him i won and mark was like a cheetah never changes its spots we'll be fine or early on when mark was like we'll get hot chocolate together and i'll be going on about smth that happened before seb was born and he'll roll his eyes or when seb was like i learned a lot from mark or when seb said he'd give mark free hotel toiletries for his bday or when they copied each other trying to put stickers on their car or when someone changed seb's wikipedia page to say he's dating mark or when they did their pepe jeans butt ad or turkey 2011 when they all but caressed each other in 4k or the brazil 2011 cheek cradle or their websites i haven't even talked about their websites yet [I AM FORCIBLY DRAGGED AWAY]

[hypersonic04]

'Tis The Damn Season

I know it's only september, but i just love writing christmas one shots so much lol. i hope you all love this because it was so comforting and cosy to write!!

word count: 3,574

Your boots crunch in the snow, muffled in the emptiness of the path you were dragging your suitcase down. You check your watch - half past two. You'd promised to be there by 1 o'clock, but work had kept you at your desk in London for an extra couple of hours.

If only they hadn't chosen a cottage in the middle of nowhere to be the family Christmas destination.

It was tradition: every year, on the 24th of December, everyone descended on your mother's best friends' cottage, hidden out in the snowy countryside. Fond memories of opening presents with your brothers and her sons, building their newly gifted race car tracks and trying to fit your Barbie dolls in their monster trucks. Now, though, things are different, evenings spent drinking wine and listening to how successful your brother's business is, rather than playing Monopoly and falling asleep on a 15 year old Ross Macdonald's shoulder. You cringe to yourself even now as you remember how clumsy and awkward you were - he was a couple of years older than you, and you vividly remember listening to him shyly talk about his band at the Christmas dinner table, cheeks turning pink and yours even pinker when he met your graceless, 14-year-old-crush gaze. You'd seen his success, and you were immeasurably proud of him, but there was always something that made your heart ache, seeing him on magazines and at awards shows, and knowing that your distant childhood memories were that, really: distant.

You almost cry with happiness when you spot the house in the distance. Your pace quickens, dragging the hefty suitcase along behind you. The sky is unbelievably clear and blue, the air crisp with December cold, a scarf wrapped around your neck and tucked into your coat. Your boots are rubbing at your ankles, your nose red and freezing - opening the door to the cottage you've been to every Christmas of your life has never felt as joyous as it does right now.

A room full of warm, lit up faces.

"She's here!"

The room glows with love. You're engulfed in hugs, kisses to your rosy, cold cheeks, your mum taking your scarf from you and a glass of mulled wine shoved into your hand. The Christmas tree stands in the corner, familiar ornaments hanging there like they'd been up since the previous year. You were the last person to arrive, one of your brothers sat on the sofa, Ross' brother attempting to kindle the fire, your other brother having an in depth chat with Ross' dad about Formula 1.

"You're freezing cold, my girl," Bella, your mother's friend, holds your hands in hers, "how have you been?"

She moves to hold you at arms length, looking at you like she did when you were a little girl. A fondness in her eyes, warm and homely, a sense of knowing.

"I'm okay! You know, busy with work and everything." Smiling at her, you squeeze her hands gently. Her eyes linger on you for a few seconds, lips forming a line.

"Well, you look as gorgeous as ever, darling." She tucks a curl behind your ear, tilting her head a little.

The creak of the stairs is what draws you away from her indistinguishable expression.

He's wearing a maroon knit sweater, dark wash, blue jeans, white socks padding down the staircase. His hair is what makes you swallow heavily, pulled back into a bun and his beard seemingly darker and a little longer than last time. He ducks his head under the beam when he reaches the last step.

"I've sorted the spare room, Mum-"

His face softens when he sees you. His mouth agape a little, stopping mid-sentence, the corners of his mouth curling upwards softly. He stutters over his words for a second before a string of 'hello's' and 'didn't know you'd got here's tumbled out of his mouth.

You can't hold back the smile that graces your face at the sight of him. It's Ross.

His mum steps to the side for a second as he makes his way over, raising her eyebrows at your mum like gossiping teenagers. You know exactly what they're insinuating, the same thing they've insinuated every year since you were about 13.

He smiles at you so softly, eyes creasing in the corner as he leans down to give you a hug. One arm wrapped around you shoulders, the other around your back, yours around his waist. The fabric of his sweater is so soft under your touch, his aftershave pleasant as you inhale gently. Closing your eyes for a second, you allow yourself to slot into his hold, the familiar pair of arms around you warming you up more than any fireplace or red wine ever could.

"What time did you get here?" He says, pulling away from you and shoving a hand into his pocket, the other coming up to scratch the back of his neck.

"About five minutes ago, I was running late anyway, but then the taxi driver wouldn't drive any further down the footpath." You laugh lightly.

"I'd have come to give you a hand if I'd have known, sorry, I-" He has an apologetic expression, eyebrows raising a little.

"No, it's fine!" You frown a little with a shake of your head, "I had no signal anyway, wouldn't have been able to ring you."

He nods in agreement, rolling his eyes, "I ask them all the time why they picked to live in the middle of a field." He laughs.

"Ross, did you take the turkey out of the freezer earlier?" His mum calls to him, the sound of her in the kitchen filling both your ears and nostrils, the delicious smell of Bella's famous Christmas Eve feast filling the room. He purses his lips, eyes going wide and a giggle escaping your lips, hand coming over your mouth.

"Shit." He laughs boyishly, "Didn't you ask Dad to do that?" He calls after her, walking off into the kitchen.

You stand there for a second, the grin on your face immovable, arms folded over your stomach.

"What are you smiling at, hm?" Your eldest brother raises his eyebrows at you teasingly, picking up your suitcase for you.

"Shut up." You huff, rolling your eyes in classic younger sister fashion.

The teasing about your crush on Ross had been a constant in your life. You'd never explicitly told anyone about it, but the way you reacted when they'd bring him up in conversation was enough.

"He's single, you know?" He mumbles as you follow him upstairs, into your spare room.

"Who's single?" You play dumb, keeping your eyes on the floor as he turns his head to you, scoffing.

"Oh, give it a rest. You bloody know who."

Setting your suitcase on the bed, he leaves you to unpack and get settled. It's the same room you stayed in every year - a singular, rectangular window overlooking the front garden, flowered wallpaper at Bella's persistence, her excuse being that she never had girls. The light blue bedspread brings back memories of Christmas mornings gone by, the boys waking you up because you were always the last one awake. Your mind wanders as you unpack, setting sweaters and mini skirts and sparkly New Years' dresses on the bed, so the tap at the door takes you by surprise.

"Sorry, 'didn't mean to make you jump." Ross stands in the doorway, greeting you with a creased grin.

"Oh, it's fine." You laugh softly, awkwardly even, playing with the hem of the pyjama bottoms in your hand. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering if you fancied going to the pub later? Rob said it's a pub quiz or something, thought you'd like it."

"Sure, yeah. I'll come." You nod with a sweet smile, watching as he nods back at you with pursed lips.

"We're leaving in about an hour, so..." His voice trails off a little, and you notice how his eyes move up and down your figure, blinking profusely. You suddenly feel conscious, standing there in a pair of old mom jeans and the most basic of t shirts, something you'd thrown on in a hurry. Christ knows what your hair looks like.

His eyes linger for a second, dropping down to the suitcase laid out flat on the bed. A smirk graces his lips, before turning on his heel and heading back downstairs, his footsteps light on the wooden floorboards. Your cheeks flush bright red when you turn back to the open suitcase - a pair of your laciest knickers, black with little frills on the sides, placed almost perfectly in his eye line, right next to a matching red pair. You stand for a second with your lips pulled inwards, closing your eyes. That did not just happen.

Post-unpacking, you head back downstairs and try to pretend that Ross seeing your underwear isn't the only thing consuming your mind. Everyone's sat around the living room, some Christmas special on the television, the faintest falling of snow like a picture through the window. It's getting darker, the warm glow of Bella's fairy lights in every nook and cranny bathing the cottage in the most festive light. It's freezing outside, but the company in the house makes it the warmest it's been all year.

Coats and scarves are donned, boots pulled on and hats on heads. It's the five of us, and the familiarity and nostalgia of it makes me feel warm. I look at their faces for a second, older yet the memories of our youth peeking through their boyish smiles and loud laughs.

"Be careful, you lot, it's really coming down now." Your mum looks through the kitchen window.

"And remember your key, Ross. I don't want you waking us up at God knows what time."

"Mum, I'm 34 years old, I've got my key." He rolls his eyes with a laugh, his mum fondly hitting his fleece-covered arm.

Your mum was right, the snow was really coming down now.

"Shit." You mumble as you stumble down the path a little, boots sticking in the snow.

The boys are a bit further ahead, as per usual, but Ross hangs back when he sees you struggling. He looks to them for a second, like he wants to tell them to wait for you both, but he decides against it.

"Shouldn't have worn those boots, you know. Docs are rubbish in the snow." He says, holding his hand out to you as you near him. You take it gladly, the material of your gloves sticking together. His hold is firm, keeping you stable.

"Alright, 'dad', bloody hell." You tease, the sound of his laugh heavenly.

"Sorry, sorry." He smiles, glancing down at you. He grins at the way the snowflakes settle in your hair, watching as you brush them off your eyelashes. "Always walking off and leaving us." He gestures to the three of them ahead.

"Some things never change, hm?"

"Yeah, I guess not."

He looks down at you for a second and you meet his gaze. There's something unspoken there, some ulterior meaning. He runs his thumb over your gloved hand, and you rest your head on his arm affectionately, feeling him squeeze your hand. There's a smile on both of your faces, knowing, just like his mum earlier.

"How's things with the band?" You ask after lifting your head from his bicep, looking up at him.

"Good, yeah. Really good." There's a look on his face that you don't always see when you're all sat around talking about work. He seems truly content, proud. "You should come and see us play. We're on tour in February."

Your face lights up at the suggestion and his stomach twists, the way your eyes widen and lips curve upwards making him toasty in the cold of the snow. It's darker now, street lamps lighting the path as you all trundle down it, but the glow that seems to exist when you're together is brighter than any of them.

"That would be wonderful." You smile sweetly and hold his arm with your other hand.

The boys wait up for you, and you find yourselves suddenly letting go of each other. They roll their eyes, surprised that the two of you are still keeping up with the 'we're totally not in love with each other' act.

The pub is bustling when you get there. Groups of friends who have evidently been day drinking laughing loudly, couples stood in dimly lit corners, music playing over the speakers. It's trimmed up with garlands and wreaths on every door, candles lit at every table. Ross heads to the bar whilst the rest of you find a table to sit at. You take the booth seat, as does Ross when he returns with five pints and a packet of peanuts, your favourite.

You do the quiz, and despite not winning, you treat yourself to a shot in the excuse of it being Christmas. Time passes on, people recommending songs and the night slowly turning into karaoke. You laugh into Ross' arm, slowly getting closer and closer to each other throughout the night until you're pressed into each other's side.

"I think I might go back, I'm shattered." Ross' brother yawns, your own nodding in agreement. You frown a little, looking at your still half full pint from the round that you'd payed for.

"We can stay, if you want." Ross nudges your side, your faces inches apart. "We're going to stay until y/n's finished her pint, lads."

They look between each other for a second before nodding in agreement, exchanging hugs with you and a brief "get back safe" before leaving. Your youngest brother pushes the door open with his back, giving you a thumbs up as he leaves, immediately making you roll your eyes at him.

"Do you want to stay for one more?" Ross asks as he watches you drink your current pint. You open your mouth and close it again, nodding perhaps a little too eagerly.

You never want the night to end. The rest of the evening is spent giggling together like teenagers over things that happened years ago, talking about past failed relationships, and everything in between. His arm is around you, the occasional kiss to your forehead or a hold of his hand.

"He didn't deserve you, y/n." He looks down at you with raised eyebrows and lips pulled inwards. "I knew it from the second I met him."

"Did you really?" You wince at the thought of everyone around you being able to see that your boyfriend is a dickhead, but you.

"Mhm, hated him. That was the worst Christmas of my life."

"Jesus Christ, Ross. I don't think he was that bad!" You laugh loudly and he shakes his head.

"What, watching him all over you for a week? Torture."

It takes you by surprise, and you can tell he's shocked at his bravery when he tales a rather large gulp of beer. You analyse his face for a second, a look of what might be panic on his face. He meets your gaze for a second before averting his eyes back to the dodgy singer doing a rendition of Last Christmas.

"Well, I never really liked any of your girlfriends, either." You quip, watching as he relaxes a little, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Oh, really? Which one?" He cocks his head upwards, looking at you with intrigue.

"What was she called, the really tall one? She pretended I didn't exist the whole time I was here, Ross."

"Oh, yeah..." He scrunches his nose up, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay, it was ages ago." You shrug.

You sit in silence for a few seconds, both of you pretending to watch karaoke, but rather pondering what the other had just said.

"I don't think I'd like any of your boyfriends, y/n." He says suddenly, looking at you intensely. You try to read his mind, to see if he's actually just said what you'd heard.

"Why's that?" You frown.

"You know why." He scoffs. Your eye contact is intense, immovable, the brown of his eyes almost like a honey colour in the light of the pub. Your eyes flick down to his lips, then back up to his eyes. You've been close to things like this before with him, sat perhaps a little too close together on the sofa on Boxing Day, or sharing a cigarette outside on the seat swing when everyone else is asleep, but never like this.

"I don't know why, Ross." You play dumb, the faintest smirk forming on your lips. He watches your mouth as it curves, his own mirroring you.

"Don't be like this." He laughs airily, his arm along the back of your seat, body tilted towards you.

The call for last orders takes you both out of your moment, almost like coming back down to Earth.

"We should probably go home."

"Yeah, you're right."

You stumble out of the pub, the snow still falling gently, your bellies warm from the alcohol and company.

"Come on, you." He teases, hooking his arm through yours.

"If I remember right, I think it was you that nearly decked it last time we went out, so I should be looking after you, really." You giggle, watching as he groans a bit, shaking his head.

"Why are you bringing that up, seriously?" He laughs, admiring how funny you find the memory.

"Wasn't it about here, as well?" You point at the street.

"Oh, give it a rest." He holds the hand that's hooked through his arm.

The walk back seems to take forever, the two of you laughing loudly and being silly, the smile on your face the biggest all year. The lights are still on when you get home, the cottage glowing like a beacon in the dark, white-covered field.

"Do you ever miss being at home? You know, when it looks so pretty, like this." You ask, walking hand in hand, a little drunkenly.

"I mean, sometimes. I think it's more about missing the people and what being at home usually means. Y'know, being with my mum and dad, and you and everyone."

You come to a halt on the path leading up to the house, turning to him for a second. He's illuminated by the warmth of the house, his coat zipped up right around his neck, cheeks rosy and eyes drowsy.

"Can't we just pretend for the weekend, Ross?" You look at him pleadingly and he frowns.

"Pretend what?"

"Like we're not terrified of ruining everything. Just for one Christmas, can't we just pretend that we're not scared of what might happen?"

He looks at you for a second, his eyes scanning over your face for some kind of secret, hidden message.

"Are you sure?"

You nod, your brow down-turned for a second as you worry that you have, in fact, ruined everything.

The kiss he places on your lips proves that wrong. He holds your face in both hands, yours firmly wrapped around his wrists, leaning into his kiss. It's even better than you ever dreamed of. It's warm, and gentle, and perfect. His eyes are starry when he pulls away, dazed even, and your heart feels as though it could burst.

"Can we stay together tonight?" He says lowly, faces inches apart and still resting in the tenderness of his hands. You hum with a nod, following him onto the porch and into the house. Bella must've left the lights on, because everyone's asleep. It's silent, TV off and bedroom doors shut, and it's like you're teenagers sneaking around.

You head upstairs and change into the checked pyjamas you'd bought especially for Christmas Eve. Looking in the mirror, your cheeks are full and aglow, curls soaked from the snow that'd melted.

The familiar knock at your door doesn't startle you this time. He's wearing a t-shirt and plaid bottoms, his hands on your hips already comfortable. He walks you back towards the bed, the backs of your legs hitting it and his hold keeping you steady. You can feel him smiling as he kisses you, pulling away for a second.

"I can't even tell you how much I've thought about this." He whispers, looking down at your lips. You run your hands through his hair, now down and making your stomach twist in ways you didn't know it could.

"Me too." You whisper back.

The opening of a bedroom door and feet in the hallway makes you freeze on the spot. Your eyes widen when the bathroom door opens, the room next to your bedroom, whilst his crease in muffled laughter. You hit his shoulder, hiding your face in his chest. The two of you stand silence until the footsteps have gone back the way they came and doors are closed.

"Oh my god." You sigh, shaking your head with a laugh.

The two of you settle in the single bed in your room, his warm hands under your pyjama top, calloused and rough fingertips against your smooth skin. It feels like making up for lost time, lost touches, nights when you've slept in an empty bed and wondered whether he's thinking of you too.

And although it's the same room you've always slept in for Christmas, the same bed sheets, its the warmest bed you've ever known that evening.

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[anadiasmount]

hugs and fireworks - christian pulisic x reader

hello everyone! i hope you are all okay and doing well! happy fourth to those who celebrate! in honor of it being the fourth I couldn't stop thinking of dad! christian. so here's a small blurb of how i'd think your holiday would be spent with him! i enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy 🥰🥰

here's my masterlist!

wc: 1.6k

“Do you remember when we met back in Austin?” Christian asked softly. You hummed and felt him cuddle closer to you. His head was on your chest while you stroked his bareback. “How could I forget? I saw you on the pitch and immediately fell over heels for you.” 19-year-old you would be gushing over excitement.

While growing up, you and your family didn't go out at all for the 4th of July. Sure you had a small backyard cookout and some fireworks but that was it. A USA shirt, or a red white, and blue to keep the “tradition”. You vividly remember the summer when you traveled down with your girlfriends to Texas for the 4th of July. A random trip that ended up changing your life in the most unexpected way. A flight booked from home, to your girlfriends and you pitching in to take a road trip from the tip of Texas to the south where you explored different beaches.

During your last night in Austin, you attended a USA soccer match, being fortunate to receive front-row seats. A certain brunette caught your eye, but the feeling of being embarrassed and rejected made you overthink plus, this guy was a pro, right? A sleeve of tattoos, sweat running down their body, the white jersey clinging onto their fit body for dear life. You were in a daze, mesmerized, noticing the #10 and PULISIC in the back.Of course, nothing would ever happen, so you and your girlfriends decided to go to a bar nearby and celebrate before heading off south.

While coming back from the restroom, you accidentally stumbled against someone, “I am so sorry, I did not see you coming,” you touched their shoulder apologetically but when you looked up and met a pair of brown orbs you blushed profusely. “It's okay darling, I didn't see you coming either,” it was him.

“Im Y/n,” you extended your hand making the first move, he smirked and shook your palm, “Im Christian, a pleasure to meet to meet you.”

Who knew sharing a couple of beers, small talk of his life and yours included would have you holding onto hope? Christian paid attention, he didn't just nod or hum then and there, he made sure to make you feel safe and comfortable, never overstepping by asking unsuitable questions. You didn’t do this, you were always shy and rather would sit and watch people than make the effort and meet someone, but with him, it felt right.

Christian didn't hide anything, explaining how he grew up in Hershey, his move to Europe, his parents being his biggest support to this day, attending state fairs meant the world to him, and that sometimes you have to take a risk if you want great things to happen. His words, not yours. You had not realized you sat in the bar ignoring the blaring music, loud cheers, and drunk people behind you, till the bartender gave you a ten-minute warning before closing.

“If I'm being honest… I don’t want to go back to my hotel right now… Would you care to join me for some late-night tacos? I know just the place here,” Christian spoke shyly, rubbing the back of his neck afraid you’d say no. “Who can turn down some tacos? Just hope you won’t disappoint me, Chris…” you said without thinking. Christian loved when you called him Chris, it just sounded like heaven to him. True to his word, you had enjoyed eating the delicious tacos in the taqueria. Later taking a walk to observe the Austin skyline, where your fings delicately brushed his. You shared your first official kiss there, his hands holding you by your waist, as you rested on his broad chest.

“We were just kids then… Now look at us now,” he replied looking up to you where you placed the softest gentle kiss on his forehead. “We’ve come a long way to be here today. All the sacrifices and distance but we made it work. And I can’t be more grateful to have the most gorgeous stunning wife and mother to my kids…” he kissed over your wedding ring and the small bump. You had surprised him after putting your almost two-year-old to sleep. Christian was overjoyed and crying happy tears, immediately sinking to his knees and promising the baby he’d do everything in his will to protect them and you. His little family.

“I'm so fortunate to have a man like you, Chris. We fell in love at such an early age and I would’ve thought you’d get rid of me, but you've never stopped loving me. You're the best dad to Axel, to me, and to those around you. There’s not a day that goes by where I sit down and think of the what if’s, but you're always there to get rid of the overthinking. I feel safe and at home with you,” you let out the smallest tear and Christian giggled.

“Oh stop it! It’s the pregnancy hormones,” you gushed as he continued his teasing. A sound from the baby monitor had Christian up on his feet going to pick up Axel from his room. When your boys came back, Axel was rubbing his eyes with his chubby hands while Christian brushed back the small coils of curls. He was the spitting image of him, anything Christian did, Axel was doing so already. Despite following his dad, at the end of the day, he was a momma's boy.

“How about we spend the 4th by the beach, take some food, small fireworks, and just spend time watching the fireworks at the end of the night?” Christian asked to which you clapped your hands excitedly. “Your family is still coming right?” you asked while prepping some hamburgers for Christian to grill. He came back inside holding Axel by his hip, “Yes they should be here soon!”

The doorbell rang and you greeted his family with a small hug, urging them to come inside while you continued to finish cutting the lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. Christian, his dad, brother, and brother-in-law spent their time outside grilling while you, his mom, and sister, and now Axel stayed inside until it was time to leave. His sister explained how excited she was to begin riding after her pregnancy, and his mom talked about the upcoming vacation you all took.

After setting the table you all ate and shared stories over the years, Christian sitting next to you holding your hand or from time to time grabbing your thigh, feeling his nails rake up and down against your skin. Once the sun started to die down, you all took the shortcut walking down to the shore, “Careful baby,” Christian spoke to where only you and he could hear. Christian always was cautious but now that you were pregnant again, he had to make sure you weren’t overworking yourself.

You sat on the sand, feeling the cool breeze and sand beneath you. You watched and heard your son Axel let out waves of giggles when the waves crashed against his little chubby feet. Christian spun him around from time to time and held him close. You took a small photo, relishing the moment before your family turned into four. Of course, Axel followed him when they began to play a small game of football there. They pulled out the small fireworks or sparklers, Christian was being protective again, holding his son and showing him how the sparkle was, it was generally safe so you weren't worried. Your son just clapped his small chubby hands and made happy noises that brought Christian to smile.

You helped his mom set up some chairs after the tide began to rise just a bit, and changed into a knitted sweater. “Look at you two,” you laughed when you saw Christian come up to you with your son. You gave Christian a towel and some change of clothes, while Axel cuddled against your chest. You covered him with a towel and a blanket protecting him from the cool air. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, especially after the day he had.

When Christian returned he sat next to you, but it wasn't long before he asked you to lay your back against his chest. He peppered small kisses along your bare shoulder due to your top, and kissed your temple, just giving you love and affection. That’s one thing he won't ever hide, his love and adoration for you.

Christian chatted with you quietly about tomorrow's plans which included a boat ride for the entire day, promising to watch Pride and Prejudice for the hundredth time with you after coming back home. His fingers drew small shapes on your bump, while you rested your head gently below his chin. “Boy or girl?” you asked knowing the answer right away. “Girl. I want to dress her up in small cute dresses and learn to do her hair. But I’d be equally as happy if we had another boy. Just hope we won't drive too crazy,” he joked.

You heard the chime of the fireworks as they began. You saw a small streak of light before it burst into a pit of different colors. Christian watched as your eyes glowed as you observed the different fireworks. He’d rather watch you because you were the only person to make his chest feel like it had fireworks lighting inside. “Kiss me,” he said abruptly. You blushed but did as he told, brushing your lips into a small but passionate and intense kiss. “Won’t ever get enough of these soft lips,” he said smiling across your lips. He rested back, humming when your hand reached up and played with the hair in the nap of his neck, “I love you, princess.”

“I love you, Christian.”

[kokushibosbestie]

I need to rant guys.

TW: self harm, SA, hatred, cursing, abuse, overall genuinely harsh words are being used

Im just gonna go right in because I don't feel like being vauge or fake rn. (I'm on my period and I feel like shit)

!!!Background information!!! So, when I was 4, my mom started dating this guy. I'll call him Frank. My mom had previously ran away from my dad with me (when I was 2) bc my biological dad was verbally abusive towards her. We'll call my bio dad Austin. I only have one picture of my bio dad and I never knew what he looked like before seeing that picture. I never got to talk to my dad, and if I did, I don't remember a single word. I was too little to understand. I loved his family though. I vividly remember playing with my grandma and aunt, and baking banana bread with my grandpa (on my bio dads side) but I didn't remember a single moment with him. So I feel like I have a missing part of me bc of that.

Anyway, my mom as very depressed after that and did her best to tale care of me properly. But I never got attention or love from her. She was always stuck to her phone. I began to hate even being in the same room as her and I was only 3. When I turned 4, I began going to pre-k. And that's when my mom started dating Frank. Frank was a really kind guy and always seemed calm. But I had a bad feeling about him. I didn't tell my mom because I felt uncomfortable about it, though. Over the next 2-3 years, Frank and I became closer and I enjoyed his presence because I had no one else to lean on. My mom got a job when I was in 1st grade and we moved into an apartment. (We had been living with my aunt on my moms side before).

!!!SA!!! That's when the sa started. He began to assault me when my mother was gone but told me it was normal. He said, quote "This is our little secret. Don't tell anyone or daddy's gonna get in trouble." (I viewed him as a father figure and he used that to his advantage) Nonetheless, what was I, a 5-6 year old girl going to do to a 26 year old man? So I stayed quiet. As I got older, I realized that this wasn't normal at all and it was bad. Of course, I was about 7 when I had this realization. He noticed that and started threatening me that if I told someone, he'd hurt my mom or the rest of my family. (I love my family with my whole heart and he knew that I'd do anything for them, even at such a young age, so he used that) I told him he could do anything he wanted to me as long as he didn't do anything to my mom or the rest of my (small) family.

The summer before 5th grade is when things went really downhill. He TOLD my mom he cheated on her, was contuously gaslighting the both of us, always said he was such a "good guy and people pleaser," but was probably the most toxic person you'd meet. The sweet act was completely gone. I hated him with ever atom and molecule that made me a living thing, but my mom STILL didn't know about what he'd done to me. He got physically violent (throwing things, yelling, screaming, almost hitting my mom, etc) and my mom called the cops. (Mind you, my mom works from home, customer service for a health company).

By the time 5th grade had ended, we had a restraining order against him and he moved out completely. (They broke up but I still hadn't told my mom anything)

I cried almost every night and went into deep depression because of this. Not because I missed him, but because I had still trusted him even after everything. I did love him and view him as a father figure at one point bc I never had one. So having that ripped away from me, as well as my grandpa who moved, my grandma who was having mental issues, my aunts who lived far away and no one else to turn to, I felt empty. My guilt built up until I ended up having a mental breakdown in FRONT of my mom (I always went somewhere private so I could have a mental breakdown and always hid them from my mom). I snapped and accendentally told her about what he'd done to me during all those year. (He sa'd me constantly, whenever he had the chance to). A court case began, blah blah blah same old stuff that ever child abuse court case would go through.

But, I started to self-harm (mostly my legs and hips). I kinda went into my emo faze and had no friends, and was constantly bullied bc of my emotionless facade. (Ex: like giyu, who has been my comfort character since day one bc of that). Really, I'm a loving and kind person who loves making others laugh. I like hanging out with friends. I smile a lot too.

Nonetheless, things started to slowly get better. But my mom is toxic now. She doesn't gaslight like frank did, but she still has a toxicity to her. I know this all has been just as hard on her as it has for me, but I sometimes wish shed just take into consideration how I feel or think.

I have ADHD, OCD, and depression. All of my classes are accelerated classes instead of normal and I get things done faster than other students. (I have an online schooling system now). My brain sometimes can't comprehend some things but will understand easily with others. Ive had a hard time talking or expressing things because of this. I was never a quiet little girl, and I'm still not one as a teenager. But it sucks to have to act like someone I'm not just to fit in. I have constant mood swings and I hate it.

Anyway, this isn't about me. So, my mom has a way of victimizing herself without really pulling the victim card? It's hard to explain with words. But she always leaves whoever she's talking to feeling guilty. She doesn't apologize for anything, she doesn't listen to me when I'm ranting (which I'm not picky about, but sometimes I need someone to talk to that isn't a toxic friend of mine), nor does she ever listen to me when I tell her what I want sometimes. I know that sounds bratty, but I swear it's not. I'll give you and example: she asked me if I wanted a new bedframe and entirely ignored me when I told her. Or when she asks me what I want for dinner and I respond, shell get something else even though she literally came into my room and ASKED me. Its the simple small things that piss me off. She's stubborn and has a hard time putting herself in others' shoes. And me, who's always been told that I'm just a doll with a pretty face and thick thighs that's supposed to be a silent housewife (I am NOT married, that's just something someone has actually said to me) or seggs toy for people to use and throw away as they please, I always try my best to consider how others might feel. Yeah, sometimes I do get a little unreasonable and say some bad things, but I always end up apologizing out of instinct. I apologize for the smallest things for no reason, yet my mom can't even say an "I'm sorry" for telling me I'm not understanding. All I've ever wanted was to make my mom and my family proud. I want them to be able to live their lives happily without worry. So It fucking hurts to hear that I'm not doing good in my moms eyes.

My mom always talks about changing and being a better person but never fucking does it. She always says her job is more important. Am I just genuinely not important to her anymore? Because I remember when I was in my darkest and lowest moments, it was my teachers who helped me. My mom didn't even bat an eye. But when she was at her lowest, struggling, I was always there for her, listening to her problems, helping her with everything, genuinely caring about her. And this is what I get back? I fucking hate my life because I can't even leave my room without hearing her complaints about "adult life." Well I don't give a fuck anymore. I tried too hard to be a good daughter and I never got anything back. I didn't even get a fucking thank you. And now I only have online friends on here and Pinterest. I relied on Character.ai to help with my mental health and that's ai!!

Im sorry if this was too much for any of you and I love each and every one of you. If you read through this whole thing, thank you so much and I really really love all my friends on here. I always look forward to getting on here and talking to you guys about my interests without being judged or bullied. Thank you thank you thank you soooo much my loves.

💖💖💖

[iggyartsblog]

A small vent about marble hornets and creepypasta becoming a recent trend

Tw for description of psychosis, gore description

Read if you wish, if not just enjoy the gifs

Marble hornets is on its 15th year anniversary this year and because of this it's resurfaced and there's a wave of new age fans that enjoy the web show and have delved deeper into creepypasta lore as well as the slenderverse. On a normal person level I have no issues with this. I don't believe In gatekeeping analogue horror from back in my time from today's generation, especially something as good as marble hornets.

My issue is this (Trauma dump incoming) : from the age of 7 I was suffering deep psychosis as a result of using creepypasta and marble hornets as a way of coping with trauma and the stress I was under with neglect and having to look after my sick parent and having no healthy friendship in school. Yes, I was one of those kids who wished with all their hearts that the slenderman would come and take them away and make their problems disappear. The problem was I wanted it too much so my brain just made it happen. I was suffering from really bad derealisation as well as auditory and visual hallucinations of the characters. They would talk and interact with me, just not in the way I wanted them too. I remember so vividly washing up after dinner one night and seeing laughing jack break through the door and stab me in the stomach. I remember watching as my stomach and intestine dropped out of my body as he picked them up and swallowed them by the handful while still managing to maniacally laugh in my face. I screamed until my dad came in and told me jokingly to shut up, clearly not seeing my distress.

These hallucinations impacted my social life too. It was clear to me that there was a handful of them that were not out to get me and wouldn't hurt me if I played along with them. The most normal thing I had to do was just not ignore them. I hallucinated ticci toby a lot, especially in public. I had learned that if I didn't talk back to him he would get agitated and I would have nightmares of the slenderman murdering me so I would always talk back. This made going out with friends difficult because I had to respond to him no matter what. This lead to a lot of bullying from my friends and not many people wanting to talk to me.

For years, until I was 12, I kept slipping through the narrative I was either schizophrenic or actually one of the followers of the slenderman (I used to call myself a proxy, now the word makes me feel physically ill). This belief is probably what made the hallucinations last as long as they did. I wasn't aware at the time how deep in psychosis I was as I refused to talk to my parents about it in detail as my mum used to threaten to take me to a mental hospital as a small child when I used my imagination and said I could see a butterfly, for example, that wasn't really there. My sister knew and so did her friend but I'm sure they both thought it was some game.

So, I'm speaking in the past tense. This is behind me, right? Well, it was for a good few years. I was able to do this via limiting myself all access to anything creepypasta related or marble hornets related which was very hard because it was like my safety blanket for so many years. I tried to not put myself in rooms alone without music or something playing in the background so I can concentrate on that and not give anything the chance to harm me. When I did hallucinate I would take videos to prove to myself nobody was there and in time I was able to ignore them completely and the eventually went away. This took about a year or so of discipline and I think it only worked because it was psychosis and not schizophrenia.

However, the reason I'm talking about this now is it's all come back to me. I'm hallucinating again, I'm being hurt again and I'm unable to sleep properly because of the nightmares that plague me due to it. The reason is very clear to me. Media consumption has caused me to relapse. My girlfriend is obsessed with marble hornets and won't stop showing me stuff about it, which is totally fine because she shows me things she likes out of love. However, when I open Tumblr after it's full of marble hornets and creepypasta. It's the same story for other social media. I'm totally okay with people enjoying the fandom and I'm okay with seeing it from time to time but I do feel so bombarded with it all that's it's triggered me into psychosis yet again. And the way people enjoy this media isn't making me feel any more comfortable online either. You cannot imagine what it's like seeing IRLs of monsters that's harmed you physically and mentally roleplaying and twinkifying the character like the character hasn't killed people or tortured people in their source. I can't stand people simping over Tim from marble hornets after I've repeatedly been assaulted and tormented by a figment of my imagination with the exact same face. Having Jeff the killers bloody and broken face sting like a fresh wound in salt over my eyes when I fall asleep seems like a complete contrast to the hot fuckboy version that people put in their pfps and dirty talk on character ai. I'm not saying you can't be thirsty for a man with no eyelids, my point is it's really strange from my point of view.

Now that you've listened to my rant I just want to make it absolutely clear that if you enjoy marble hornets or creepypasta or the slenderverse you have all the right to keep loving that media. I don't want to put people off or make it seem like I'm trying to gatekeep. I do just want to share a very brief overview of my experience with this media and how it's affected me in hopes it might prevent someone else from going through something similar. This is also a reminder for all horror fans to take a break once in a while to cleanse yourself of all violence and fear for a while and look at some positive media to rest your brain once in a while.

I doubt anyone would be interested in hearing more about my experience with psychosis but if you are ill gladly talk more about it. I'm going to do everything I can to overcome this unwanted sequel and I will over come out weather social media and the people around me let me or not. I've done this before and I'll do it again.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Reckoner: Part Three

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: Your world is turned upside down when you get in trouble for something you didn't even do. The entire team is in uproar over this but Hotch says he will take care of it. Can he? Or are you doomed to live out the rest of your days in misery?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

The next day, Allison and her father showed up to Long Island to talk to Detective Gil and the team. Drew talked to his ex-wife as soon as he landed on Long Island so he's aware of what's actually going on. By the time he gets to the police department, he's not too happy.

"I spoke to Heather as soon as we landed. I knew for a long time something was off, but this—Why didn't you tell me?" Drew asks his daughter who has been silent the entire time.

"Mr. Sandweiss, Allison is the victim here," JJ says.

"I just want to know the truth from her, for once."

"I told you, I don't know what they're talking about."

Emily and JJ look at each other with the same look because they are thinking the same thing: She would open up more if you were here.

"Allison, we have the pictures your stepfather took of you."

Maybe it's Emily's gentle tone because she looks down at her lap in shame.

"He was always home before mom. We just talked at first."

"Why didn't you tell your mom?"

"I knew she'd tell Dad, and he always said he'd kill anyone who laid a hand on me," she sighs shakily.

"Did he?" Drew asks.

She nods and Drew has to remember where he is. It's not a good idea to punch the wall in anger in a police station.

"Allison, did you ever tell anyone about what your stepfather was doing?" JJ asks.

"I told my therapist. He said I act out because I crave attention. I'm so sorry, Daddy," she cries. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

He sits next to her and pulls her to his side.

"We need the name of your therapist."

"Jerry Sorum."

Derek immediately has him come in for questioning that he's super nervous about. It's normal to be nervous in the presence of authority, but Derek doesn't know if it's excessive or not.

"Am I a suspect?" Jerry asks when he's placed in the interrogation room.

"Not yet, Mr. Sorum. What is your professional opinion of Allison?" Derek asks.

"You mean was she sexually abused by her stepfather? No question."

"Did you report it?"

"Of course."

"To the police?"

"Absolutely."

"How far did they take it?"

"They had it reviewed by the state."

"Did the police interview her?"

"They came to my office," Jerry sighs. "Allison wanted nothing to do with it. Case closed. Just like the 380,000 cases of child abuse reported in this country each year. Less than one percent gets to trial."

"Does that make you want to even the odds?" Derek asks accusingly.

"Every time I listen to a child vividly recount the most horrific acts of abuse done at the hands of a father, an uncle, or someone they're supposed to trust... It's all I can do not to break down, but that's all I'm capable of. After that, like you, I trust in the justice system."

Some justice system. Not only does it not protect people like how they're supposed to, it doesn't look at the facts of a case. Police see one thing and assume something else. If both of those things have something in common, then they must be connected. Instead of looking at the facts and asking What If instead of having tunnel vision, then you wouldn't be here.

The door to the interrogation room opens and you look up from the spot on the desk you've been picking at.

"Your lawyer is on his way over here."

"I want my phone call."

The officer sighs and uncuffs you from the table so that you can use their wall phone dedicated to people and their one phone call. The one person you want to call is Spencer to tell him you're okay but you end up calling your father. He's more likely to get shit done if he knows his daughter is in trouble. 

He answers on the first ring.

"Hey, baby girl."

"Daddy? I'm in big trouble here. I've been arrested."

"What? What happened?"

"They're saying I'm responsible for the murder of seven people. Dad, I'm scared. I didn't kill anyone." You make sure to keep your voice low. "You gotta come here and help me."

"Don't you worry, baby. I'm actually in your area for business right now. Where are you?"

"Virginia Police Department. The one by the beach by the BAU. I don't have my phone so I can't send you the address."

"I know where it is. Don't worry, sweetheart. Daddy will take care of it."

You hang up the phone and are escorted back into the interrogation room. You're only in there for five minutes before the door opens again. This time, the arresting officer walks in with your dad. 

"Dad!" you gasp. You want to get up and hug him but you're handcuffed to the table. The officer only allows him to stay in here alone because the mirror in the room is two-way glass so they will be watching you very carefully. "When you said you were in the area, I didn't think you were right down the road."

"I came as fast as I could. I couldn't believe my ears. You're framed for murder?"

"I don't know the details. Greg is coming down to help me."

"Greg, our lawyer?"

"Yeah. You and Mom use him all the time for your adoptions."

"No, you can't use him."

"Why not?"

"He's not that kind of lawyer. I mean, he doesn't deal with murder cases and isn't a defense lawyer. He's more of a mediator. Plus, he's already on another case. I called him earlier."

"I don't know anyone else. What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry. I told you I would take care of it. I know someone else who is just as good."

You have no choice but to listen to what he has to say. An officer escorts him out of the room so you're all alone again, and you go back to picking at the end of the table.

You're in the mind of everyone on the team but they still have a job to do even if they don't like prioritizing this over helping you. Rossi talked to one of his contacts who just so happened to be a mobster back in the day. He's in the criminal enterprise that is being threatened to shut down since the FBI is closing in on him, which is why he's lying low. If a hitman is killing people, then Ray Finnegan might know something about it.

Ray took one look at Ben's crime scene photos and knew the guy who's been doing this. His name is Bosola and he's been operating for twenty years. Most people know him to be a ghost because he's that hard to find. He promised to bring in Bosola so that the FBI could apprehend him, but they have to hide out in secret before they can go in. If Bosola knows the FBI is waiting outside then he might not show.

Rossi and Hotch are in one car and Emily and Derek are in another down the block. There is also another car with two unknown agents near the car Hotch and Rossi are in. There are also plenty of officers in undercover cars spread out up and down the block. Penelope and Spencer are tuned into comms just in case the team needs their help.

"When he dims the lights, we go in," Rossi says to everyone over ear comms, and he turns to look at Hotch. "No bullshit. What's going to happen to Y/N?"

"I honestly don't know. I tried talking to the Captain, and from what I gathered, all the murder weapons are from her apartment, and her DNA was found on all seven victims."

"Did she know them?"

"No. She's never met them in her life. I believe her, but we all know what happens when the facts line up."

Spencer hears Rossi and Hotch talking and grows quiet. Penelope looks at him to see tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

"How's Reid taking it?"

"About as well as you'd think."

"I saw Prentiss and Morgan up the block, but the two agents in the sedan are not with us."

"I know. They're the counter surveillance in case Foyet is watching me. For which, apparently, there's no more money."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Did somebody call you?" Hotch asks.

"They're concerned."

"What did you say?"

"What I'm telling you. An attack against you is an attack against all of us. Just like with Y/N. When we're done here, we'll focus on her." Rossi's phone rings and he frowns when he sees Ray is calling. "Why are you calling? Are you okay?"

"I hope you got some good guys out there. This man is a mean son of a bitch."

"We're all over. He's not gonna know what hit him."

"Hey, that smart kid you mentioned earlier... I could use a little help," Ray says and looks at his crossword puzzle.

"Reid?"

"Yeah?"

His voice sounds so small that it breaks Derek's heart.

"Crossword question. Ten letters. Crater creator," Ray says.

"Crater creator?"

Penelope looks over at him to see not an ounce of concentration on his face. He's not even trying.

"Arctangent," she answers.

"Did you get that?" Rossi asks.

"Damn, she's smart."

Ray hangs up the phone and Rossi looks at the restaurant in thought. There is a flash so quick that Rossi didn't think it happened. He looks at Hotch who doesn't look like he saw it.

"Did you see that flash?"

Once again, the flash happened but it's more prominent.

"I saw that. He's already in there. All units, go, go, go!"

Everyone who is staking out the restaurant leaps out of their cars and rushes inside the restaurant but it's too late. Ray is slouched over in his chair with two bullet wounds on his body. One in the heart, one in the head. Bosola was here, lying in wait. Derek takes a car and canvasses the area in case Bosola stuck around to see the aftermath. CSIs come in, Long Island officers come in, and just about everyone else who is available to work the case.

"We had the streets, the building, and even the damn roof covered. How the hell did he get through us?" Rossi asks.

"Garcia traced Ray's phone calls. He made one at 4:38 p.m. to a pre-paid cell and another one to you at 11:41 p.m.," Emily says.

"We gave Bosola seven hours to prepare. I think he was here before we arrived."

"He heard Ray call me. This is all my fault," Rossi sighs.

"Now he knows we're onto him."

"He's not the only one. Whoever he works for does, too."

Now that the team knows who the unsub is and what kind of killer he is, it's time to give the profile. 

"Each mutilation represents the crimes the unsubs believe these three individuals committed. There are two unsubs who are both male. Unsub 'A' is 'The Planner'. He works in the criminal justice system. We're looking at both defense and prosecution attorneys, judges, and even cops. We believe that The Planner has experienced a devastating personal tragedy of some sort, and because of the sophisticated nature of the scenario, we believe unsub "A" is in his late fifties or sixties," Hotch starts it off.

"The Planner likely met unsub 'B' or 'the enforcer' within the court system. He's been hired to carry out justice. Now, this type of justice does not come cheap. So, The Planner has access to substantial cash."

"Absolutely no attempt was made to hide the mutilation. This suggests The Planner either doesn't care what we find or he wants us to find it. Now, The Enforcer, on the other hand, has no such intentions. He should be considered armed and extremely dangerous."

"Thank you," Rossi concludes.

"Alright, let's go people," Detective Gil says.

x

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[bejewelledgirl]

I want to know you more

Summary: You were all alone at a Christmas party getting bored to death, and silently praying for someone to come and save you from it. Well someone did - Vernon, who you're secretly but hopelessly pining over. Let’s see what the night holds for both of them...

Word count: 923

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and making out

You could vividly remember spending Christmas with your family as a kid and how fun it was. It was easily your favourite time of the year. But as you started to grow, you found Christmas to be overrated. That was the case until now….

You were currently seated in Seungcheol’s house, in a corner which was as secluded as it could be, in a Christmas party thrown by your college seniors. The house was jam- packed with people and though the party was only meant for those who went to your college, there were quite a few faces you could not recognise. The party had everything you see at a regular frat party - loud music, wide variety of both punch and alcohol, couples making out in the kitchen, bathroom - you name it. With all of your friends back at their parents’ house for the break, you felt pathetically lonely.

You did not pay attention to your surroundings though, as you were completely spaced out, pondering upon the reason for your existence.

It had nearly been two hours since you arrived, and you initially made several attempts at talking to several people but after a while your social battery was drained and you were bored to death. You were still spaced out when you felt a hand on your shoulder, you turned around to gaze into the familiar chocolate brown eyes, which you had started to grow fond of. It was Vernon…

He looked extraordinarily attractive in his red t-shirt under his leather jacket paired with skinny jeans and his favourite blue nike shoes. While you were busy checking him out, unbeknownst to you, he too was tracing his eyes over your figure from top to bottom. Well to be fair, you wore a black dress that perfectly accentuated your figure and he rarely saw you in such an attire.

Realising the need to say something after having embarrassingly checked him out, you cleared your throat and greeted him with a shaky voice and also wished him a happy Christmas. Vernon wished you back and added “How are you here at this time ? I thought you went back to your parents’ house like every year.”

“Well I was planning to, but then I found out that mom and dad wanted to visit my brother this time since they hadn’t celebrated Christmas together in so long. And I would feel way too guilty if they couldn’t go because of me. So here I am…” , you explained. Vernon nodded in understanding.

It was a little quiet between you two after this. You two were definitely close but not best friends. You always felt an air of uncertainty and tension when you were around him.

Vernon then rubbed the back of his head and suggested, “Should we move to the yard ? It’s a little too crowded for my taste.” You agreed immediately wanting to escape from the party as soon as possible.

There was no one other than you two, in the yard. You guys took advantage of it and sat down at the chairs. A comfortable silence had developed between the two of you while you both were gazing at the stars above. It was safe to say that both of you were glad to have found each other at the party.

You guys chatted on some more, occasionally sharing movie recommendations and opinions about music, when you felt like it was time for you to leave. You had never been a night owl and it was already almost 12. You bid Vernon goodbye and you were getting up from your seat, when Vernon got up too and took a hold of your wrist.

“Can you stay with me for a little more ?”

“I want to but don’t you think it’s too late now ? I need to work tomorrow as well.”

“It’s just that I really enjoy your company.” Vernon spoke with slight desperation in his voice and a look in his eyes you couldn’t decipher yet.

Astonished at both his confession and the look he gave you, you couldn’t hold yourself back and said “Please don’t look at me like that. It gives me false hope.”

Vernon replied back with a cheeky smile, “Why do you think of it as false hope ? What if I actually like you? What if I want to know you more? What if I want to get closer to you ?” He was gasping for breath now as he had said all of that in one breath.

“Wait are you…” you couldn’t finish before Vernon spoke again, “Yes I want to take you out on a date. I want to do all those things that couples do but only with you. That is, if you let me…” He finished the last sentence with a slight hesitation.

After a moment, you answered with a grin, “All right, but on one condition - we must watch all the movies you recommended today …. together.”

Vernon couldn’t help but let out a giggle, “Of course, anything for you princess.”

Vernon walked you home that night despite you insisting that you’d be fine alone and that it was not far. You guys held hands on the way with blush looming on both of your cheeks. When time came for you to say goodbye to him, you weren’t sad or bitter like you usually were when you had to leave Vernon as you knew that the story of you two had just begun. And you couldn’t wait for what the next day held in store for you two.

Note: If you enjoyed reading this, give me a follow, I will be writing more fics. You can also make requests,

[multiplefandomwritings]

the man, the myth, the legend

pairing: Max Verstappen x Horner!reader

warnings: swearing, other than that none really

summary: when you meet Max Verstappen for the first time, you cannot help but think that he is an insufferable asshole. however, the man makes it his mission to convince you of the opposite.

notes: feel free to leave comments and/or feedback. likes and reblogs are always appreciated! also, feel free to send in requests! Also: Should i write a second part? If yes, drop your ideas below :)

disclaimer: English is not my first language, so please excuse any mistakes :)

word count: 2.8k

„And here comes the man, the myth, the legend: Everybody get your hands together for Max Verstappen!” You rolled your eyes. You had only one word that you associated with the brunette man that now jumped on the stage, happily smiling – and that word was arrogance. You had only met him once, just like an hour ago, in the paddock, after he had just won. But that one time was enough for you to know that you did not ever want to talk to him again.

What you did not know was that the man that you despised was smitten by you. He had just met you once, and he had to admit that he did not show his best side. He had just won, and he felt like the king of the world, like he was invincible. So, in his mind, that was almost blank after several hours in the racing car and the win, he felt like you had to fall under his spell. But he had a rough awakening when he found you did not.

“Hey, my name is Max Verstappen and I just won this race!” You turned around to see the young man standing in front of you, his face red where the helmet had protected his head, smelling like burned tires and sweat. “Good for you!”, you said, not understanding why he spoke to you. After all, it was your first time here, you did not work for Red Bull, you were not an engineer, and you did not even care for racing that much.

You had just recently found out that Christian Horner, the team principle of the Red Bull Formula One team, was your father. Your mother and him had been high school sweethearts, she was his girlfriend when he first started to be race driver. When she found out that she was pregnant, she did not want to concern Christian with it, as he was an aspiring race star, and that was a dangerous job. She decided to keep you but broke up with Christian to guarantee him the career he had always wanted.

Your mother had been always very open about the fact that it was her decision to raise you alone, you therefore held no grudges against your father. However, you still wanted to meet him some day, and when your mother told you, you decided to try and contact Christian. Much to your surprise, he actually answered. He was cautious at first, which you understood, but the name of your mother rang a bell. You met, and you were not offended that he asked to do a DNA test. Once the results were there, he was quick to make up for the time you two had lost, which was why you stood here in the paddocks. He wanted to show you how and where he worked.

It was hectic. That was the first word that came to your mind when you came to the Hockenheimring in Germany. Christian – it was still weird to call him dad – paid for your flight, your hotel, basically everything. It was cute how he tried to reconnect with you, you really appreciated it, especially because you were willing to put the same effort in. Even his family, his wife, and kids, were eager to make you feel welcomed in their family. You still remembered very vividly the first dinner you had together, and how all of you ended up crying together by the end of it, because you got along so good, and because it was emotional for all of you.

The memory of this got you smiling, and that was the first time Max saw you. You stood somewhere by the wall, trying to not get lost in the hectic and organized chaos that surrounded you. You wore an oversized Red Bull Sweatshirt, and a cap. You seemed so lost in this surrounding, yet Max could not take his eyes of you. You radiated happiness, and suddenly he felt the anticipation of the coming race just washing away. His heart beat faster when he laid eyes on you, and he knew today was going to be a good race. He did not know why - he just knew that he was going to be on the podium today. He had to, even if it was just to impress you, the girl that had completely eased his mind before the race and had helped him win.

So, after he got out of his car, and after shortly celebrating with his crew, he looked around to see if he could spot you. And there you were, leaning against the metal bannisters, as the rain had finally stopped. You seemed to enjoy the bit of sunshine that the German sun was ready to provide. He quickly made his way over to you, desperate to speak with you before he got onto the podium. In hindsight, he should have waited for his nerves and his euphoria to boil down. Then he would have maybe thought about his words better.

“Good for you!” The words rang in his mind, and he was surprised how kind you were, even though you seemed to be confused why he talked to you. “Many people are very sure that I will be the world champion this year!” He could not stop the words spilling out of his mouth. The smile left your face, and instead you furrowed your brows. In this moment all he wanted was to turn back time. Another “Good for you” left your mouth, but this time it did not sounded sincere. You sounded rather annoyed because what way was that to start a conversation?

But instead of apologizing profoundly, which he should have, Max after-the-race-brain decided it was the right thing to bury the hole he was already in a lot deeper. “I was also the youngest drivers ever to compete in the Formula One, winning my first Grand Prix with just 18 years!” The third “Good for you!” left your mouth, this time your voice dripping with sarcasm. Did he not have somewhere else to be?

However, Max was not ready yet. Even though he knew he should stop right here, in order to maybe get another chance at talking to you without you thinking what a prick he was, he continued speaking. It was these words that solidified your opinion around him. “So far, my net worth is around 60 million dollars!” This time, you could only role your eyes. You were just about to make a sarcastic comment, when the man in front of you was called by someone. “Max, you need to get to the podium!”

You took his distraction as your cue and fled. When Max turned around to say something more to you, you had already disappeared into the crowd of the Red Bull team. He was disappointed and mad at himself, however, the adrenaline and happiness he got from standing on the podium would quickly wash away those feelings. Or so he thought at least. For a moment he could enjoy the feelings, the bliss of fame and the euphoria of the win.

After the champagne fight, Max had to give a public appearance for the fans, and he did not mind. While he waited to be announced, he looked in the crowd, deep down hoping that he could spot you somewhere. And there you were, in the VIP section, still wearing the oversized Red Bull Hoodie that looked insanely cute on you. You turned around, almost as if you were trying to find someone, and he could not stop the smile from spreading on his face. Whoever had given you the sweatshirt had given you one with his name on it.

You were looking for Christian. The one moment he was right next to you in the VIP area, and then he just disappeared into the crowd. You sighed. Whatever, you would just wait here for him to be back, even when that meant that you had to watch the infamous, youngest Grand Prix winner, worth 60 million dollars and whatever not Max Verstappen.

On stage, Max seemed like a totally different person, and that got you thinking. Maybe he was not so bad after all. He was charming, funny and you hated to admit it, but if you would have met him under different circumstances, he would have been exactly your type. When you found yourself laughing to one of the jokes he made, you decided that if you ever were to meet him again, and he wanted to talk to you again, you would give him another chance.

Max had watched you from the corner of his eyes the entire time, and somehow, he still managed to stay focused on the questions. He felt like he really was the best version of himself right now and he was even more surprised that he had so blatantly failed at flirting with you. While you looked skeptical in the beginning, he could now see you laughing, and it made his heart flutter.

“Well Max, that shall be all! Congratulations again and enjoy your party tonight!” The party – Max had entirely forgot about that, and he found himself wondering, if not hoping, that you would be there. “Thank you!”, he said and was walked of the stage. He tried to get another sight of you, but you disappeared into the crowd and all he could hope for was a chance of meeting you again.

Christian had profoundly apologized to you for just leaving you behind. You waved it off, you had actually enjoyed watching the event, even more the day. Now it was time for you to get ready for the after-race party, maybe take a quick nap and a shower. Christian insisted on organizing you a lift to the hotel as well as to the party, and you did not complain. Even better was that he had gifted you a beautiful dress, that his wife and he had chosen for you. It was truly beautiful, and you were surprised of how thoughtful it was that he had gifted you a dress by listening to you talking about what you liked.

When you arrived at the hotel, you thanked the driver and made your way to your room. As planned, you took a short nap that occupied you longer than expected, as you almost overslept. You hurriedly showered and got ready for the party and made it downstairs just in time. Before you stepped outside the hotel, you caught a gaze of yourself in a mirror and you were in awe. The dress was really something else, beautifully complimenting your figure and your eyes.

When you arrived, Christian escorted you in via the back entrance, not yet wanting to reveal you to the media. You were glad about it. His world was entirely different from your life until this point, and you were not sure yet if you wanted to share his fame. He left you standing with his wife to look after his two drivers, but you did not mind. Geri and you got along splendid.

While you could sneak in the party, Max had to take the front entrance that was full of cameras and interviewers and fans. He smiled for the media, signed a lot of whatever people put in front of him, but his mind was elsewhere. Would you be there? He knew that he would do anything to see you smile again. Max could not understand himself. He had never felt like his before – he felt like he was a teenager again, his body tingling and his mind clouded. Once he made it in, he was immediately greeted by Christian.

“Hey Max!”, the team principle engulfed him in a side hug, “Congrats again on that amazing win!” The Dutch smiled wide. “Thank you Christian!” “I hope you are in your best form right now, because I want you to meet someone very special!” Max laughed. “Of course, after such a win always! Who is it?” Christian nudged him into the side with his elbow. “You will see, just follow me!”

So, the race driver followed him, as Christian led him through the crowd to a high table a bit off. Max could see Geri, Christian’s wife, as well as another woman standing with her back towards him. Christian approached the table, smiling widely. “Max, may I introduce you to my eldest daughter! Darling, have you two met before?” With Christian approaching you, you turned around and saw the brunette man from earlier in close proximity. The shock and embarrassment on his face was badly hidden, and you decided to spare the man a few sorrows. “I don’t believe we have met before. My name is y/n, and you must be the famous Max Verstappen! Congratulations on your win today!”

Max could feel his checks grow red from embarrassment and he got flustered. Luckily, you did not seem to have Christian told anything about the earlier incident. You bent forwards, greeting Max the French way - kissing him on both cheeks. That did not help him at all. „Is everything alright, Max? You don’t seem so well. Darling, there is a balcony over there, Max here seems like he could use some fresh air - do you mind taking him outside for a bit?“

You shook your head, and actually did not mind. Now was the time that you would find out who Max Verstappen really was. You did not even think about it, but since Max really did not look well, you grabbed his hand to guide him outside. His heart furiously beat in his chest, and he was terribly afraid that you would be able to hear it.

Once outside, the cool air helped him calm down a bit. You said down on a bench and offered him the place next to you. He gladly accepted. Between the podium, the events and until he had to go to the party, Max had thought about all the things he could say to you to make it up, but now next you, his mind was absolutely blank. The two of you were quite for a moment, but to your surprise it did not feel unpleasant. And then, Max broke the silence.

„Listen, I am very sorry for our first meeting, I behaved like an arrogant asshole.“ You did not know why, but this statement made you laugh out loud. And Max did not know why, but it felt like that was the best reaction you could have showed – presuming that you were not laughing about him. “Let me be honest, if I wouldn’t have attended your press event, I would possibly still think that you are an arrogant asshole. That event really saved you ass!” Max now grinned as well.

“I am glad I got to save my reputation. But again, I am sorry. After the race my mind doesn’t work so well.” You nodded understandingly. “Really, no worries, Max. I am quite glad you are not that arrogant.” “How is that?”, the Dutch man looked at you. “Because I would have been disappointed in my own taste. Because quite frankly, you are very handsome and exactly my type!”, you laughed.

Max was stunned for a moment. He had rarely ever met someone as upfront and self-confident as you. “Well, thank you for your compliment, I can give it right back. The moment I first laid eyes on you, I was rather enchanted by you. You actually helped me win the race!” “No way!”, you grinned, “How?” Max blushed a bit. “The moment I laid eyes on you, I suddenly felt very calm and collected, I cannot really describe it. It helped me focus, and I somehow knew I had to win, even if it was just to impress you.” “That is really sweet, Max”, she said with a genuine smile on her face.

Suddenly, a gush of wind hit the pair of you and you shivered. Max reacted immediately and put his jacket around you. “You should have kept the sweater on, it suited you very well. Especially because it had my name on it.” You laughed and playfully hit his shoulders. “Max Verstappen, you are unbelievable!” Max grinned at you, and then he even winked. “Jokes aside, you look absolutely stunning, today and tonight. You are clearly taking after your father!” You shook your head.

“I like this Max better than the bragging one. You make me laugh, and I appreciate that a lot. So, I can definitely say you that you are not only my type look wise...”, now it was your turn to wink at the man. Max looked at you, and suddenly there were butterflies in your stomach. “Well, I can only give that back, so how about you go on a date with me?” “I would love nothing more than that, Max.”

[hazbinhazbinhazbinreblog]

Charlie never bringing up the fact that Vinyl is her brother.

Remember those fics of Dadstaticradio where Alastor and Vox shows up that the hotel and Vaggie is confused and Charlie goes, “Oh these are my dads.” Well since Domestic AU is a mixture of that and secretly married, there’s a chance that this happens in Domestic AU as well. And it happens to Vinyl too.

Now, Charlie isn’t hiding the fact she has a brother, she talks about him all the time. (“My brother loves to garden.” “My brother is great with tech.” “My brother can be a bit of a troublemaker at times.” Etc). It’s just that Charlie never says WHO he is or ever uses his name. And no one ever seen him before because they’re both with their own thing, Charlie with her hotel and Vinyl with his popstar career.

So everyone (just Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Sir Pentious) thinks Lucifer and Lilith had a son and he was just hidden from the public for some reason.

It wasn’t until Vinyl showed up out of the blue and started to chat it up with Charlie, that they started to question what was going on. Why was Vinyl, THE Vinyl, a famous popstar at this ratty hotel? It’s not like he could be redeemed, he was a hellborn! And why was he so close to Charlie?

It wasn’t until something was said, that caused Vinyl to put on a shit eating girn, that makes everyone realize it.

Angel Dust: Holy shit, you look like Alastor!

Vinyl: Yeah. People often tell tell me I look like Pops.

Vaggie: Pops?

Vinyl: Yeah. You know, Pops? Papa? One of my dads?

Vaggie: Wait. If Alastor is one of your dads, that would make your other dad…*takes a better look at him*

Vaggie: No fucking way…

Angel Dust: Oh shit, you have bits of Vox in ya! Wait. YOU GUYS ARE THE KIDS VAL WAS TALKING ABOUT!

Charlie: What are talking about?

Angel Dust: Awhile back Val was bitching and moaning about Vox becoming a ‘dilf’. I had no idea what he was going on about, until I heard people talking about Vox having kids. I knew the princess was one of them, but I didn’t think he would be the other. *points at Vinyl* Huh, small world.

Vaggie: Wait. Let me get this straight. You heard about a powerful Overlord having kids, and you didn’t look into that!? You work for the guy’s business partner, how hard would it be for you to check up on that!

Angel Dust: Ah, fuck you! I told you before, I’m not big on politics! And what about you? How come you didn’t know who your girlfriend’s parents and brother were?

Vaggie: That’s-

Vinyl: Probably for your own safety.

Vaggie: What do you-

Sir Pentious: Uh, excuse the interruption. But there’s something I wish to ask.

Vinyl: Shoot snake man!

Sir Pentious: So um, how do you existed? I remember the commotion when your parents had you, but I always wondered how it happened. It is common knowledge that sinners can’t have children, must less between two male.

Vaggie: That, is a good question. How did they have you?

Angel Dust: Yeah! What, did smiles use his freaky shadow magic to bring ya to life?

Charlie: No actually. It was kinda my doing.

Vaggie: What?

Angel Dust: Huh?

Sir Pentious: I beg your pardon?

Vinyl: Uh, Charlie? Maybe you should give them some more details on what happened?

Charlie: Huh? Oh! Right! Um, how do I explain this? While raising me, some of my powers kinda rubbed off on them. One day they were arguing over how they got me, papa saying I came from their static electricity while dad saying Vark brought me to them, when poof! Vinyl came out of nowhere.

Vinyl: I’mma happy little accident! :D

Charlie: Since then, he’s been part of the family!

Vaggie:

Sir Pentious:

Angel Dust:

Angel Dust: Vinyl how did you say that last bit?

Vinyl: *shrugs*

Charlie: Hey! How about I show you around? Dad’s working and papa’s on one of his walks, so we have loads of time!

Vinyl: Sounds fun! Lead the way, goat legs!

Charlie: Will you ever stop calling me that?

Vinyl: No ;)

Angel Dust: Seriously, how the fuck is he doing that!

This is so fucking funny I love this, I remember those mini fics vividly they're some of my favorites

Vinyl pronouncing emoticons out loud, Val calling Vox a dilf, this is amazing, also when Vinyl arrives this gave me the same energy as in Loona's reaction to Verosika in Helluva Boss ("YOU KNOW VINYL??")