#i went to write 'nice' but that works too i guess?
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Dead Boy Detectives Fic Recs Part 7
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
So I hear there's been some fandom drama? Guess it's time for another fic rec list! This fandom is so lovely, so let's focus on the positive and give all the love to our writers and artists. You guys are so talented. ♥️
Work It Harder, Make it Better by dear_monday, two_ravens
Olympics AU! And kind of Sk8er Boi? Charles is an Olympic skateboarder at the end of his competitive career and Edwin is a rising star in the world of dressage. They fall in love at Paris 2024. Amazing writing, as always, and I also enjoyed Niko and Crystal as members of the skateboarding and equestrian teams having their own Olympics Romance and Jenny as Charles' world-weary coach.
Twin Flame by Leandra
Another "He was a punk, he did ballet" romance! This time, everyone is alive and the boys meet when Charles watches Edwin perform at his little sister's ballet recital. The romance and Charles as a big brother are very sweet, which is great as this fic also covers some heavy themes. It's set in the 90s so there's discussion of homophobia, the AIDs crisis and Charles' canon child abuse. Suffice to say, his bisexual awakening is quite fraught. Recommended!
Love for Hire by lucrow
Edwin hires Charles to freak out his parents with his obnoxious fake boyfriend. What could possible haaappeeen? And yes, it's a ballet/punk romance too. 😅 Anyway, it's giving fantastic banter, lots of emotions and great use of trope! I also enjoyed Edwin's relationship with his mum in this fic, excellent parental feels.
so I try to talk refined by shadowquill17
Charles finds out about the Cat King taking on his appearance and (somehow) arrives at the conclusion that Edwin isn't attracted to him. Charles having body image as well as chronic self-esteem issues was interesting but kind of heartbreaking. Read it for Edwin's agonised attempts to verbalise his sexual attraction to Charles without exploding. That's love right there.
A Royal Pain(e) (series) by handwrittenhello
Royalty AU! I love a bodyguard romance from time to time and this one is lovely. Lots of yearning.
Turnabout's Fair Play by Like MmmCookies
Edwin enlists Niko and Crystal to teach him how to flirt with Charles. It starts off cute and awkward and ends up Master Of All He Surveys, which is very Edwin.
I will love you (I really love you) by ghostinthelibrary
Charles has a feelings realization and tries to confess to Edwin. Repeatedly. From a cock-blocking enchanted statue to a Hellhound, it's farcical and fun. This fic has been living in my head rent free for months.
seasons of mists by laiqualaurelote
Edwin hires Charles to be the barista in his book shop's cafe. Two cosy AUs in one! And it even comes (appropriately) with its own reading list and fanart! Very cute, excellent autumnal vibes and a superb imaginary book shop. I'm genuinely so devastated it's not a real place. 😭
Ariadne's Thread by hobbitsdoitbetter
In which Edwin is demisexual and trying to make it work with Charles. Love to see some ace spectrum representation!
you know the problem with history (it keeps coming back like weeds) by aletterinthenameofsanity
Amnesia AU! And kind of Secret Relationship? Edwin has Not So Temporary Amnesia that made him forget a whole romantic relationship with Charles early in their partnership. And Charles never told him... Surely this will have no impact on the events of canon?? 😬 I loved this twist on the trope!
scraped to the marrow by Anonymous
Edwin learned black magic in Hell and kind of went to the Dark Side. I love the trope of "Everyone thinks Character avoids violence because they're scared/weak/nice/bad at it, but actually they're a bit too good at it" and this fic does it well. I love regular Edwin, but Lord Bone was also pretty cool.
To Walk Back Into Hell by Asidian
Charles goes to Hell in Edwin's place, so naturally Edwin needs to find a way to rescue him! Interesting Hell lore and I loved all the Charles love in this.
It does not stop by williamvapespeare
Now he's safe from Hell, Edwin finally works through his PTSD. Emotional, but peak Emotional Support Charles for the win!
signed, sealed, delivered by sulfuric
Outsider PoV of the boys and the agency through the years from the perspective of the Ghost Postman. He's kind of underrated as a side character, but there are so many Implications about the Dead Letter Office, so I enjoyed the worldbuilding. And the supernatural community of London gossiping about/shipping the boys (they're just like us, for real). Love that trope.
not so secret by lola_prongs
Social Media/Celebrity AU! In which they're both actors and Charles relentlessly thirsts after Edwin on Twitter. Great use of social media/epistolary storytelling.
Like a record, baby by singtome
Another celebrity/social media AU, but this time Charles and Crystal are budding rock stars and Edwin is their manager. Also Edwin goes viral as the mysterious #HotGuyatUnity after his picture's taken at an event and Charles *tries* to set the record straight. This one's funny, generous with the yearning and UST and is part of a series that also touches on the darker side of the music industry/celebrity, which I appreciated. And it also has this excellent visual representation of the online drama.
@ghostinthelibrarywrites @tumblerislovetumblerislife @shadowquill17 @neurodivergent-fangirling @whatthehorsedoicallthisblog @shazziez @many-gay-magpies @extremely-eager-reader @atariakana @guardianspirits13 @colourmornings @herebehunters @avoiceofnerat @littlepocketuniverse @overlord-of-chaos @fairandfatalasfair @handwrittenhello @every-moment-a-different-sound @williamvapespeare @laiqualaurelote @dear-monday @dear-lucrow @aletterinthenameofsanity @likemmmcookies @bibliomancer7 @c-rowland @nobledragonflying @hobbitsdoitbetter
I've tagged some people again. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list!
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yoyomomiko · 6 hours ago
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Hello so I have a Daisuke x reader request if you don't mind! I loved the make out story you did and so if you don't mind Daisuke and reader making out an Daisuke bitting HARD on reader skin like this 😨 hard so hard that the EVERYONE could notice it and how it go to that point like if you don't mind
You don't have to do! If you don't want! Have a nice day!
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Pairings: Daisuke x F!reader
Warnings: BITING; marking; hickeys, SUGGESTIVE (kinda nsfw, so mdni I guess??), cringe, not proofread, probably contains grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!!
(A/N): I had a little bit too much fun writing this😨 THIS IS SO GROSS AND CRINGE WHAT DO I DO😣 Btw I like, haven't posted a fic in so long lol, I'm really sorry and all, I'm a bit late🤠 -> m.list
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Daisuke's hands were both on opposite sides of your head, your legs wrapped around his waist and hands thrown loosely over his shoulders.
His lips were pressed to yours in a deep, heated kiss. He gently bit your bottom lip, as if asking for you to open your mouth. You let out a soft gasp and slowly parted your lips, his tongue immediately finding its way inside and twirling around with your own.
After a few moments, he pulled away, panting. You were breathing heavily, chest heaving up and down as you stared at him, watching him gaze back at you with love filling his eyes. You adored the way his hair fell down and over his face most of the time when he was looking down at you, when you were in the same exact position as you were in right now.
Daisuke smiled at you, his face burying into your neck as he started leaving soft kisses down to your shoulder. You chuckled at the ticklish sensation, with the way his lips barely hovered onto your skin, lightly pressing kisses. One of his hands went to hold onto your waist, the other supporting him.
His gentle kisses slowly turned to sucking, earning whines from you. He left a few faint red marks on your shoulders that would surely fade away in a few hours, luckily not too visible.
Daisuke trailed his kisses to your jaw, your hands tangling in his hair. All of the sudden, he bit down on your neck, digging his teeth into your skin and drawing out a yelp from you as you pulled on his hair. He gently licked the mark, sucking to soothe the pain.
Daisuke pulled back as he chuckled, staring down at you with nothing but joy in his eyes. He admired his work, eyes scanning over the faint red splotches, until he came upon the one he just gave you a few seconds prior. It slowly turned into a dark purple spot, right on your upper neck, on display to anybody passing by.
"Sorry." He smiled at you, to wich you raised a brow in confusion.
"You might need to cover that up." He added, nuzzling his face into your neck as you slowly came to the realization that yes, he did leave a noticeable mark.
"I thought we talked about where you place your kisses." You sighed out, fighting a smile at his stupidity.
"We did?"
You shook your head, knowing it was pointless. Just how would you walk around the ship now?
...
...
You thought you were slick enough.
You pulled your uniform collar a bit higher, covering over the mark perfectly.
What you didn't know, was that if you even tilted your head slightly, it would be completely evident.
...
...
CURLY
You were hurrying out of Daisuke's room, hoping not to be seen by others, scanning the area and making sure no one was there.
You fixed up your hair a bit, pulling the collar of your uniform higher.
Your shoes tapped on the floor, rushing through the hallways. You weren't even looking up ahead, eyes glued to your feet.
You raised your head just in time to prevent yourself from crashing into your captain, forcing your legs to stop abruptly.
You smiled nervously, looking at him and giving a short nod as a greeting, to wich he reciprocated.
Although his eyes seemed to linger on you for a while longer, his brows furrowing as he studied you.
"You okay?" He asked, his expression one of curiosity and hesitance.
"Yeah... Why wouldn't I be?" You replied, your brow arching in confusion.
"No reason... Carry on." He nodded, giving an unsure smile as he walked away, leaving you dumbstruck.
...
It HAD to have been a hickey. He knew it too well. He was aware of how one looked like... But that mark specifically looked more like teeth marks to him. As if someone bit down onto you.
Curly was a bit perplexed. He didn't remember there being a rule against relationships among the crew... But then again, who was it?
His suspicion was aimed at Daisuke, since you two are in close age range and always hang out together.
JIMMY
Your feet dragged on the floor lazily, humming to yourself on your way to meet Anya.
Just then, you saw Jimmy walking towards your direction. You didn't like Jimmy.
You almost rolled your eyes, but you gave a quick wave so he doesn't think you're an asshole.
He gave a nod back, before stopping briefly to look at you. He stared you down, eyes going wide and a frown forming on his lips.
"What the hell happened to you?" He asked in disgust, studying you.
You raised a brow as you tilted your head to the side in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
He sighed and shook his head, looking straight ahead again.
"Nevermind... slut." He mumbled the last part, chuckling as he walked away.
You swore you heard him insult you, but you just didn't hear him well enough, therefore there was no evidence.
...
He knew DAMN WELL.
Fingers pointed proudly at Daisuke.
Jimmy always had a feeling you two were a bit TOO close, not co-workers type of close, neither friends type of close.
He just didn't expect the dumbass to have a chance, let alone manage to get into your pants.
ANYA
After all of those uncomfortable encounters and awkward situations, you finally stopped in front of the medical room, where Anya was currently working.
Before you could enter, Anya herself came out of the room, a bit surprised to see you there as she flinched, before smiling quickly.
"Oh, you scared me..." She spoke, her eyes studying your face before they stopped at a specific spot.
Her brows furrowed a little, seeming concerned.
"Are you alright?" She asked, thinking it was maybe a rash, or possibly even allergies.
"Hm? Why wouldn't I be?" You questioned, squinting your eyes at her.
Everybody's been acting weird today...
Anya's eyes widened for a brief second as she took a closer look, her lips parting before they shut closed. She felt a weird burning feeling through her chest, and her mind just fogged up. Did something bad happen to you?
But you seemed happy... Maybe a little tense, but happy nonetheless. She thought back to all the times she's caught you and Daisuke in each other's rooms, brushing it off as just "friends talk", or all the times she's seen you two chatting a bit too smug in the hallways, also every single time she's heard you two flirt with each other. The corners of her mouth were fighting for life, trying to hold back a smile.
"No, nevermind, I think you should check up on that." She suggested, patting your shoulder and walking past you.
"Wait, I wanted to tell you something!"
"Check up on Daisuke while you're at it..." She whispered to herself, letting out a quiet giggle.
Your brows raised, lips forming a thin line. Just what the hell was going on?
...
It was hard to believe that YOU would actually do such a thing. She just couldn't think of her friend doing stuff like this.
She knew all too well it was Daisuke.
Another thing is that she was incredibly shocked at the fact that Daisuke managed to leave such a mark on you, she pondered for a while and came to the conclusion that it must've hurt like hell.
SWANSEA
You felt weird, getting scanned by your crew members' eyes and maybe even judged by some.
So why not try and find Daisuke, pretty much the only person who know how to comfort you best?
Of course, he'd be with Swansea.
You opened the door, but your boyfriend wasn't there, only the same grumpy man.
"What do you want?" Swansea asked, before turning to look at you.
"Just looking for Daisuke." You replied, taking a quick glance around the room.
"Are you okay?" He asked, squinting his eyes at you.
"Everyone's been asking me that, I don't get it!" You didn't bother responding, your brows furrowing as you started getting a bit irritated.
"Pull up your collar or something. Damn animals..." He muttered that last part, going back to his work as you stood there in utter shock.
So that's what was wrong.
...
Swansea already knew it. All too well.
Daisuke was just praising you so much, talking his ear off, mentioning every single detail you had.
Since the airhead can't keep secrets too well, he managed to accidentally spill it out one day.
But it wasn't like Swansea didn't know, he's caught you two together a couple of times, he just never talked about it.
...
You felt your cheeks heat up as you tugged harshly on your collar to pull it up, wanting the ship to crash right at this moment.
Screw you Daisuke. Screw your boyfriend for embarrassing you in front of everyone.
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★yoyomiko ★miko
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celestie0 · 6 hours ago
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hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)
i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now
although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.
i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense
as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.
anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.
sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.
anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt#me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this#me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭#fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a#super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol#and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno#and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off#but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work#so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now#fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person#or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee#god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like#the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time#and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise#god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times#thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the#place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters#fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like:#even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol#i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like??#like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good?#i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol#and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying#god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash#universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at#u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh#anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck#me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me#unrelated
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indigodawns · 2 years ago
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#had an okay writing day for my thesis yesterday and it was a rly nice day overall and then idk. rsd hit i guess and#i went to sleep way too late so ofc today i've been feeling foggy and i haven't written a word and it's 6pm like..............#makes me feel like i wasted the work i did yesterday and i should've gone to my grandpa's bday celebrations yday#even though that didn't feel viable. he sure made me feel like shit for missing it too!#it just feels like see i could've gone and done yday's work today or some shit which ?? but sure#i just know myself and im p unbearable to be around rn/when im stressed/on a deadline so yk. + travel time + adjusting plus socialising...#also had a long talk w/ my friends yday and it was nice and it was all about how you experience consciousness but also idk.#also i keep being so sharp and kinda mean to one of my friends and it's sooooooooo she says it's fine and it's not that bad but ughhhhhhh#im sure the core of this spiral is i just rly don't like myself and i think im right not to so like. what now#and none of this even matters like. get it toGETHER#also adhd meds aren't magically fixing my life so that's another scam (but ok they DO help at least i can actually write and think then)#anyways.#i think it's. feeling this & hating myself and my friend talking about how they're past that and life is still hard for them#and it's not about me but it does make me feel stupid like true all my problems are self-made not even circumstancial like.#also feel like i keep saying the wrong thing to people and i keep messing up my words lately and boooooooo idk#anyways im ok i just don't wanna moan abt this to anyone specifically but clearly im stuck so yk?#should i share more nice moments here too??? i just always feel like whatever emotion im feeling disappears when i share it so???#maybe bc i overthink it then or whatever#but i can!! maybe i should#for yday: had a rly rly fun convo with a friend who gave me the wildest updates ever + spent time with 2 of my best friends#+ smelled the flowers and that v v specific spring to summer air and felt the sun on my face#FINE maybe therapists have a point
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six-of-ravens · 1 year ago
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I would really like a single office day where I don't come home and play an evening-long game of Am I The Asshole?
#i probably am#coworker got mad at me today bc she used chatg/pt to write a list of revisions for me#and what it wrote was both incredibly condescending (chat/gpt feels the need to explain the basic rules of design like you're an infant)#and way longer than it should've been (we ask everyone to keep their posts short and sweet so that we don't have to read a whole paragraph#to figure out what the hell they want us to do)#so anyway i just told her 'pls just write out the tasks we don't need a whole chatg/pt essay for this'#and that made her mad bc she 'wrote everything up so nicely!' (no you didn't bitch)#so anyway we're caught in a loop of both thinking the other is a fucking asshole who's being a dick for no reason#also i sent her 2 screenshots just to explain that I'd thought 2 things were different sizes and she went ballistic#anyway... it's annoying bc i think she's our best designer but also. very much starting to not like her as a person#maybe i complimented her work too much. the other week she wrote out changes BY HAND that were perfectly clear and good#and i told her as much in the meeting#so....i guess this time she decided to use chatgpt? to be massively condescending bc CLEARLY i didn't just type thr wrong number somewhere#nooooooo CLEARLY i just don't understand web design at all!#also she got in a snit about 'of course X is Y pixels tall! we do all those meetings where we discuss the grid size!!'#which like....i am in those meetings and they are just the one dev trying to convince the designers to use the grid#and them coming up with a million reasons not to#sooooooo fuck me i guess for not expecting you to use the grid when all you do is piss yourselves about how were stifling your creativity#ANYWAY. so yeah maybe i am the asshole but in my defence don't use a fkn ai to write something that should take like 5 mins to write
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ranger-kellyn · 2 years ago
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in other news, I finally figured out the order for everything in my scarlet/violet fic! \ovo/
i've broken it out into, essentially, 8 "acts". For now, they're more or less lumped together arbitrarily. It's hard to explain without going into detail of the things I'm personally changing; like who is travling with Juliana at different points bc I want the friend crew to actually bond before the crater. so by the time i actually go to write this, it might change but this is the order I have for now:
Act One: Game Start, School Start, Gym 1: Katy, Open Sky Titan, and then Team Star: Dark Crew
Act Two: Team Star: Fire Crew, Gym 2: Brassius, Stony Cliff Titan, and then Lurking Steel Titan and Team Star: Poison Crew more or less together
Act Three: Gym 3: Iono, Gym 4: Tulip, and then Gym 5: Kofu and Quaking Earth Titan together
Act Four: Gym 6: Larry, False Dragon Titan, Team Star: Fairy Crew, and Team Star: Fighting Crew
Act Five: VS Director Clavell and then VS Team Star Leader
Act Six: Gym 7: Ryme and Gym 8: Grusha
Act Seven: The Pokemon League and VS Nemona
Act Eight: The Great Crater of Paldea
there is. a lot to this game lmao
but i'm excited for all the things I'm adding! I'm excited for the bonding of the whole friend group outside the crater. I'm excited to give a little more life to the towns and cities around the region. I like to think that the Academy's Treasure Hunt isn't just an academy event, but an event for the whole region. All the towns and cities go all out with festivals and whatnot in time with the treasure hunt. also all the cute juliana/nemona stuff i've been weaving into everything and AH!
idk. i'm excited to actually work on this one of these days
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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Lookin cute :) Photo credits to my girlfriend
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thehardkandy · 5 months ago
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having an absolute inability to find something interesting to do today. like ARGHGH!!! this is the most free weekend i could possibly have. and i am able to get into absolutely nothing
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aizenat · 8 months ago
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There is this girl I went to hs with and the nicest way I can say this is this girl was smart but not particularly so, and had a high sense of self despite being remarkably average. Again, that's the nicest way I can say that. She also got very triggered whenever I was better at her than something (in all fairness, she was like that with anyone better than her, but my friend caught her shit talking me once when I was the only person in my English class to get an A on my Catcher in the Rye essay--something I expected simply because I'm a writer, was then, and I never once got anything less than A on an essay my entire hs career--and that pissed me off particularly because my writing is the ONE thing in this world I can truly say I do better than most people).
Anyway, I learned a while ago that she moved to Boston, and she was associated with Harvard in some way. Without getting too into it, she works there in the weirdest and most random department (not as a professor or anything meaningful or prestigious, which will make sense in a second), doing basically admin shit it seems. I was curious because she's still listed on their site and it says she's been there for like eleven years. I was wondering if she ended up going there as a student in something, but without a linkden or something, I couldn't see. But every time I googled her name and the school, the only thing that came up was her staffing position. No information to indicate she was a student.
Which is funny. I looked up to see if you can go to Harvard for free if you work there, and the do have a reimbursement program, but you'd only get like 75% of fees back, so you'd still have to come out of pocket. And this is an IVY, so that's going to be pretty. And considering what she does, I can't imagine it paying that much where she could easily afford it. Maybe she does take classes and is slowly working her way to some kinda degree, but I doubt it. I feel like she'd at least be able to brag by now given how long she's been there (the site fucking says when she started lol).
Either way, the reason this is funny to me is because she was never even close or talented or impressive enough to anyone let alone college admissions to get into a school like Harvard (I know for a fact she didn't get in in hs lol), and transferring into schools is typically easier, she didn't get her degrees from there according to the site. So I just lowkey find it funny because the closest she'd ever get to Harvard is not as a student or even as someone brought in to teach, but by getting some admin job and sticking around long enough to get her picture on the school's site. She looks so proud in her Harvard shirt, thinking she finally "made it" but never in a way that would actually impress everyone.
It just all feels very fitting for her. In the right spaces to be around more impressive people while being overwhelmingly mediocre her own damn self lol.
#also her last name hasn't changed#meaning she isn't married#and that's also funny not because i value women being married#but like if you knew her in hs and the way she sought out male validation#which was made even more awkward by the fact that no one in our school wanted to date/fuck her#like i graduated a virgin because i was a closeted lesbian and also genuinely wasnt interested in dating in hs#but she graduated a virgin and let's just say it wasn't for lack of trying lol#I also know she never got married because I used to work with her aunt until last year#and the few times i'd ask about her niece to be nice she just said she's working hard up in Boston lol#anyway knowing she didn't have the after hs glow up i'm sure she imagined just is nice#this post is very meanspirited but y'all don't understand what a literal menace this girl was#i didn't even like her and tried my damndest not to be around her but i couldn't always help it#like the essay situation pisses me off because i remember it so vividly too#my teacher was walking around handing them back while we talked a bit and i was talking to my friend and she sat on my friend's other side#because she had no friends herself to sit with of course#and the teacher gave the essays back face down and i remember lifting the top to see the A#frowning because it was a 98 and not a 100% which I didn't accept on my essays back them#did I mention i was/am a perfectionist? lol#anyway i saw the grade and guess i frowned but kept talking to my friend but this bitch saw my face and interrupted me asking what i got#i really didn't want to show her because i was never competing against her despite her always thinking we were#but i showed her and then went on with what i was talking about and it wasn't until everyone else got their essays back#and i heard my classmates complain that i realized no one else got an A on the essay but me lol#i def wasn't telling anyone else i got an A because i didn't feel like dealing with their shit; the AP/honors kids werent my friends too lo#and they were already starting this narrative that the only way to get an A was to write an essay agreeing with everything our teacher said#about the book#and i didn't have the heart to tell them all that I wrote my essay literally shitting on every theme and deep moment our teacher pushed#my entire essay was 'holden is a spoiled brat who has too much money and doesn't respect girls' lol#and that essay got an A so idk what they were on about#i also made a point to argue that the story wasn't deep at all but a spoiled rich kid with depression making it everyone else's problem#and the red cap WASN'T DEEP AND DOESN'T SIGNIFY DEATH OR WHATEVER
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wonderjanga · 1 month ago
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Marvel and the YJ
So, Marvel in the YJ. He’s one of their den mothers and all that. So like, in this AU, and in fact in all of my posts so far, Billy’s kept it under wraps that he’s a kid. So, as a result, the YJ think he’s just this really cool big brother (dad (they just don’t know it)) type of dude. Like he’s so nice. And he’s so nice to them especially. Like, he treats all of them the same way he treats adults. He doesn’t doubt their abilities, and when they fail, he’s still there to encourage them to get back up and he doesn’t even make them feel bad about it.
Like, the one time he was asked to spar with the YJ cause they wanted to for funsies I guess, he positively whooped their asses and somehow, someway found a way to still compliment their abilities, even if they didn’t last that long because the battle was a little one-sided. To be fair though, they had asked him not to go easy, which he didn’t. In the end, he got promptly scolded by Canary heavily when she found out he quite literally used Kid Flash as a rag doll and threw him at Aqualad. She said that the entire tape of him having a “friendly spar” with those kids, was essentially just him bullying them. To which Billy tried to defend himself by saying those kids were plenty capable. The defense didn’t work.
Then, there was this time Kon mentioned he couldn’t fly and Marvel offered him a lift. This somehow ended up with Marvel sort of T posing mid air as Kon and Robin hung on one arm, Artemis and Aqualad hung on the other arm, then Kid Flash held onto one leg while M’gann held onto the other.
Flash: “Wow.” *looking up at the YJ and Marvel* “That’s… actually kinda majestic, not gonna lie.”
Superman: *also looking up at Marvel and the YJ* “Is it though? What if one of them falls?”
Flash: “Eh. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Kid Flash proceeds to almost slip off and fall, which almost gives both the speedster and Kryptonian a heart attack. Thankfully, he catches himself by moving his feet really fast to boost himself back up. Worst part in their opinion is that Marvel didn’t even seem to notice.
Then, there was the time M’gann with Robin about something. Batman was also working nearby on a computer.
M’gann: “Hmm… We need advice.”
Robin!Tim: “We need an adult.”
Batman: *keeping an ear out cause he’s always happy to help one of his kids*
M’gann and Robin!Tim: *thinking before they speak up at the same time* “Marvel.” *they then both walk out of the room to find the Captain*
Batman: *a little upset that Tim did didn’t come to him for help but also a lot more concerned as to why they thought Marvel was a suitable choice to ask for advice, especially considering the fact that just earlier that day, he had caught the man scribbling on one of the meeting tables like a 5th grader scribbling on their desk*
Contrary to what Bruce thought might happen (I.e. something going wrong) apparently Marvel’s advice wasn’t too bad, seeing nothing had gone wrong yet. (He later found out that the two had asked for the best advice on how to incapacitate your enemy quickly. He found this out when he saw Tim throat punch a man. Said man went down almost immediately. When prodded for information for as to why he did that, he proudly proclaimed “Cap taught me”)
Also a little tidbit from the Marvel Cursing post about the YJ thinking that Marvel called one of them a dumb cunt. Courtesy to @helps-the-writing-brain-go
Billy’s recently noticed that the kids are acting funny. Though, he supposes it’s not a bad funny. If anything, whatever’s got them acting weird has got them doing better on missions, but still. It’s weird. What’s weirder is that whenever he compliments them, they shine twice as brighter than they normally do. What’s even weirder than that is that whenever they’ve messed up recently they look twice as nervous. Speaking of which, this was one of the moments they’ve messed up.
Marvel: “So… Uh- that didn’t go so well.”
YJ: *obvious signs of anxiousness on some and subtle on others*
Marvel: “But that’s okay! But that’s okay.” *trying his best to make the anxiety in them disappear* “We just have to try to be better next time. Like, and I hate to say this, maybe try calling in an adult next time? Like me? I could’ve zoomed over and helped you guys.”
YJ: *look at each other*
Artemis: “Wally’s the one who said that we shouldn’t call you in a try to do this on our own.”
Kid Flash: *dramatic gasp* “You know why I said that! It would’ve helped us all if Kaldur had tried to put the fires near the gas tanks out with his water powers!”
Aqualad: “I was busy being attacked by nearly five different people.”
YJ: *dissolve into arguing*
Marvel: “Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wally what did you mean by it would’ve helped you all? Me not being there would’ve been good?” *confused*
YJ: *immediate silence*
Kon: “Wally found out that you think one of us is dumb cunt.”
Kid Flash: “Dude! You guys need to stop ratting me out!”
Marvel: “What.” *stares in befuddlement*
M’gann: “And then he told us. So we’ve been trying to think of ways to not be uh… dumb cunts.”
Marvel: *blinks rapidly* “Again, what? Wally, where did you get this information from?”
Kid Flash: “When you were making cookies! I heard you say blah blah blah, what a dumb cunt.”
Marvel: *still staring in confusion*
Kid Flash: “Then, when I asked what you were talking about, Mary said you were talking about our performance on missions.”
Marvel: “…Okay. I’m going to be completely honest with you. I don’t remember a thing of what you’re talking about.”
Marvel then goes on to make a speech about how they’re wonderful heroes who shouldn’t let one person’s words guide them, especially in risky situations like a mission. He then told them that he was now going to stress bake and make some Minnesota cool whip, jello, fruit, not really salad, salad. (Courtesy to @jedipirateking) On the bright side though, the speech did leave the teens feeling better.
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fuxuannie · 5 months ago
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Hey girl, I LOVED YOUR HEADCANONS. Specifically abt Ken x Reader. If you can write about headcanons abt maybe when he's jealous? You covered literally almost everything in your headcanons, so I have nothing to request except this 😭
❥﹒kenji sato x gender neutral reader
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✦. synopsis — part 2 of the kenji sato headcanons because i am totally normal <3
✦. love mail — i swear i promise ill post hsr guys 😞 just let me have my moment w sato i beg. i’ve decided to just do this req + add some more hehe. thank you sm requester for enabling my brain rot! (pls more ppl do so)
✦. tags — NO SPOILERS, fluff, dadgirl kenji, non-intimate/sexual kissing, kenji sato x reader, i wrote this w my brain off again ( ´͈ ᗨ `͈ ;; pls
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Jealousy was not fun for the Kenji Sato. Before Emi came along and changed him, I can see him being the type to get jealous easily. Why would you need to talk to other people anyway? You had him, he was the best. He’d make it real obvious too, suddenly wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close, or the following days he has you wear his iconic jacket while you’re out with him so everyone knows exactly who and what you two are. If it gets to the better of him, he’ll get all pouty about it. He wants all your attention, your eyes all over him and him only. Maybe even hands but that’s a different thing. But I think after Emi’s influence, it’s less possessive and he’s grown to trust you with others instead of letting his feelings get in the way. Of course he’s not immune to jealousy, but you notice it a lot less. It’s less suffocating for you and you’re grateful he’s grown. You did love the pouty face he’d make though, it was cute.
Now if you were jealous, which is really no surprise.. Kenji had thousands of admirers, he had gifts on his doorstep like every other day. He’ll do everything to prove and reassure you that you’re the only one who has his heart. He’ll post you on his social media, take you out on dates, all those things to wash your worries away. Lastly, he’ll hold you in his arms at night and whisper everything he loves about you. Everything you were silently insecure about, he loved. Every date you thought he forgot, he remembered. And to meet a guy like that? How lucky can you be? (He tells you he’s luckier of course. <3)
I think he’s a messy kisser for the most part 🧐. (Forgive me in advance for this part. I am not very good at these things.) When he can take his time, he’s slow and gentle. Genuinely just trying to show you that yeah, he loves you, so damn much. And he’s going to show that through his passion by taking things slow so you can really feel his devotion. Other times, because he’s always in a rush, he’ll do a messy but clearly desperate kiss. He doesn’t like leaving without one, and you can describe him kissing you like it’s his last, (because it’s really not a far-fetched guess considering his line of work) his hand behind your head and pressing your lips against his in an almost ravenous manner. He does give you a very quick kiss on the forehead and runs off after finishing, leaving you a little dazed.
He LOVES to take you out on night rides. If ever you get a little nervous/have a fear of motorcycles, he’ll talk you all the way through via the cardo he put into your helmet. He’ll take you to some nice cafes or restaurants around Tokyo, other time’s he’ll bring you to some favourite childhood spot of his. When you arrive, he’ll tell you about his mother and the memories he’s made in this very special spot. It warms your heart to see his expression be so fond when he talks about his childhood – he truly misses it.
Before you knew of Kenji’s identity, I think it would be funny if you hated Ultraman. You just LOATHED the guy, Kenji asked your thoughts on Ultraman on the first date and you went on a rant about how he threw your car at a Kaiju only to miss. (He felt so embarrassed). It would be funnier if afterwards, he began to actually do his job as Ultraman properly.. and avoided cars on your street and avenue. He wanted to make sure you didn’t utterly hate Ultraman before revealing that he was him.
It would be cute if you and him knew each other like, much earlier. And you called him Ken. And then he made that his alias while he was becoming an All-Star baseball player. :) He’ll brag about it all the time in interviews too, that you’re the reason he uses it. <3
He’s the typa guy to have a picture of you in his room, behind his phone case, in his wallet, in his car and literally anywhere he can get his hands on. He bought a polaroid camera just to take pictures of you, he could care less about the price of film or the camera itself.. he just wanted to have as many pictures of you as possible. He’ll brag about it to his baseball teammates too, considering he also keeps one in his pockets for good luck. :)
You're his goodluck charm. <3
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creativepromptsforwriting · 2 months ago
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Drabble List #11
75 prompts to write drabbles or longer stories.
"Oh no, that's heartbreaking."
"Finders keepers, losers weepers."
"I can't believe you've done this."
"You're a little to late for that."
"That's simply rock 'n' roll, baby."
"Give me ice cream. Now!"
"And this is how you do it."
"Such a sad thing to say."
"To be honest, I really don't care."
"It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"I went willingly."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"I want us to have a good relationship."
"I fear absolutely nothing."
"Want a massage?"
"It's a new law, look it up."
"Can you walk a bit faster maybe?"
"I don't know why yet."
"Don't say another word."
"That's something to celebrate!"
"Apologize and we're even."
"I hate that sound."
"This is too small."
"Get used to it."
"Oh, definitely not!"
"I am very disappointed right now."
"This is not practical at all."
"I will not take the blame for this."
"Well, tough luck, my friend."
"That's so tragic."
"No, don't say it, I want to guess!"
"I'm working on myself now."
"Can you please stop thinking so loud?"
"This is stressing me out so much."
"You can't let them get away with that."
"Are you finished, so you'll listen to me?"
"Wow, that's expensive!"
"No, not on my watch."
"That's a new low for you."
"I think, I have always been in love with you."
"You are actually scary."
"That cat hates me!"
"Please, stop looking like you want to kill me."
"Not surprised, but still disappointed."
"You're in for a big surprise."
"And I'm here to save you."
"What a failure."
"Explosive news."
"I need some assistance here."
"Aren't you happy to see me?"
"This is so embarrassing!"
"Does it start with the letter A?"
"Not the right place, not the right time."
"I'm a wonderful human being."
"That's not very nice."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I don't even wanna know what you're thinking."
"It's too quiet here..."
"Totally on-brand for me."
"I fail to see how that is my problem."
"Well, I will make it your problem."
"Did you hear a word I said?"
"It's very fashionable."
"What doesn't kill me still hurts."
"Fucked around, found out."
"That's illegal."
"I hope you have insurance."
"Seems like you have to sleep here tonight."
"Could be better, but could also be worse."
"Tell me one thing that's true."
"I'm sick of all the lies."
"No response, as always."
"Do you think that's funny?"
"The train already left."
"Sign your name here. Now."
Drabble Masterlist
Have fun creating and writing!
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰
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cvnt4him · 2 months ago
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izuku and (large tit⁉️) virgin reader 🙀
maybe he a virgin too, i’ve always guessed he was a dirty dog since junior high, he’s got to have watched porn or smth for a whirl at some point, you see the way he is around girlies
anyways, i love your writing style and energy, will be making many more requests if you would like them !
writing this bc I too suffer with big tiddie-itis. I completely agree with everything you have said and would love for you to come again, ty for the appreciation and i hope you [all] enjoy<3
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Izuku midoriya has always been kind of.... a perv. It wasn't exactly obvious that he was a pervert however, he made damn sure no one knew this little secret about him. However he couldn't keep it from his best friend, his best friend katsuki had always known izuku was a little freak.
Whenever he got yelled at by people he thought was attractive he'd unintentionally pop a boner, whenever someone complimented him, whenever he was too close to a pretty person, it doesn't matter. He was just a natural perv.
Now izuku wouldn't call himself a pervert, just an easily excited person. When izuku got into high school he never intended on befriending the local pervs. Denki kaminari and mineta minoru, they're literally known for being perverted in some way, in denkis case.
When he met you though, for the love of all things good and holy. He couldn't help the way his eyes mercilessly trailed up and down your body. He couldn't hold a conversation with you without his eyes accidentally trailing down to your voluptuous bossom. To him it seemed as if your breasts wanted to be looked at, that they'd wanted to escape your U.A uniform.
The way they bounced when you walked or when you laughed, and oh, when you'd just stand there they seemed as if they were practically bursting from the seams, the buttons were literally trying their hardest just to do their jobs.
Izuku loved being around you. Your company was extremely pleasant to him, you were nice and strong, a caring and giving person. You were just nice all around, he felt so dirty and guilty for looking at your body in such ways..
Imagining all the positions he would put you in just to watch your beautiful big and round boobies just bounce for him. He would stroke his fat leaky cock to the time his shoulder accidentally poked the side of your boob. You acted like it didn't happen but he was a flustered mess, his body, his skin came so close to your, albeit clothed, titties.
Izuku would shove his tie in his mouth while he helplessly squeezed his cock head and fiddled with his balls, pathetic little whimpers leaving his mouth. He was practically drooling from a simple poke to your boob. My goodness, he craves to put his face in them, suffocate beneath them.
You had a crush on izuku for a while now, of course it went unbeknownst to him because he's an oblivious idiot who only really pays attention to himself despite being a very observant and selfless person. When you invited him on a 1 on 1 study sesh in your dorm he was terrified. He didn't know how he could face you after he just milked his cock for all it was worth........
He went anyways.
Izuku could not keep his eyes off of you the entire time, hardly even focusing on the work or what you were saying. You were wearing this absolutely adorable frilly pajama set, he'd heard you when you said it matches the one mina has. He wouldn't mind seeing you both in them together side by side... Wait no! He has to stay focused on the work! That's what you invited him over for!
Not to fantasize about you and your best friend in little to no clothing.......fuck. izuku groaned lowly to himself as he stared at your chest, gulping at how huge they truly were. He wondered how warm they were.. how soft, did you want him to touch them? Did you like them to be touched? Have you ever had anyone touch them before? Have you ever had anyone's cock in betwe——
“ uhm.. izuku? are you uh, alright? you're like kind of red..”
“ huh!? o- oh! yes! haha! I'm fine! ahem..”
Izuku was flustered red and so embarrassed. You'd just caught him looking at your tits... Kind of. It was so embarrassing, devastatingly so he just wanted to be swallowed whole by mother earth herself and be reincarnated as fly. He deserved it.
“ i- I'm sorry... I should g-”
“ I.. didn't mind you looking.... y’know.”
Oh. Izuku turned to face you with a completely red face and those stupid huge puppy dog eyes of his, his breathing was stuttery and he was absolutely petrified. Had he heard right? Did you... Like him staring at your tits?!
Izuku gulped down hard, his eyes accidentally switching fastly between your tits and your face. You giggled which caught hsi attention back to your face completely.
“ I- I, uhm.......what?”
His voice was wavering. Shaky in some sort, he didn't know what to do with this information. You just smiled at him stupidly and that made his cock fill with even more blood. Goodness do you even know what you do to him?!
He's jacked off countless of nights thinking about you and those glorious godforsaken big titties of yours. Squeezing his cock until it cried milking white tears, he'd overstimulate himself thinking about you. You. Now because of you, he had no intentions on holding back.
Izukus lip was shaking, with no second thought he grabbed your hand and walked you to your bed with no words being spoken. He laid you down and gently crawled onto you, his thighs on either side of your body as he leaned down. His lips were right up close to your ear, shaking as much as his breath was. Quivering even.
Izuku noticed the little things. Like for example, how your thighs kept squeezing together each time he spoke to you, he didn't think much of it before. Until just now, you're squeezing your thighs together whilst he's on top of you. He scoffed lightly into your ear and kissed along the shell of it making you jolt lightly.
“ y- you have no idea... How many nights I've touched myself to you... The post nut clarity I had, worried you'd think I'm a disgusting pig when really.... You like it.. you've always liked it. You love when I look at your titties, huh?”
You truly were speechless. Where had that shy little guy gone? Why was he speaking like this? As if you're in the wrong.. he's the one that had been staring at your body in such a disgusting way.
“ I.. uhm...”
The way you couldn't answer him, that did something. It did something bad to him. He bit his lip to muffle the moan that threatened to come from his throat, he ground his growing hard on into your thigh and sucked in sharply at the friction, the stimulation of his clothed cock against your bare thigh.. thin fabric covering his cock from touching your sweet soft angelic skin.
Izuku moved back from your neck and got a good look at you, the way your boobs were splayed out and how huge they looked. They way they spilled it at the top, he couldn't contain the moan this time, his mouth fell open and his eyes slightly rolled at the sight. He groaned and just desperately began humping your thigh, he started speeding up out of no where.
His moans started getting even more whiney and his movements sloppy. He just shoved his face in your boobs while he came, the smell of your lotion and body wash flooding his senses it began to all be too much, he didn't stop rutting into your thigh as he finished, oh no. He kept going, overriding his high and overstimulating himself.
The whine that left him was so adorable and so pornographic, it seemed straight out of a porno. His breaths were quivering and he was mumbling random things whilst whimpering. He was trying his hardest to regain his composure but it was just so hard.. he just came in his pants whilst grinding on you. He's sure it was the most he's ever made...and izuku cums alot.
He lets out a rather long breath before lifting his head to look at you with glossed over eyes. You had a small smile on your lips as you rake your fingers through his hair. A shiver goes down izukus spine as he sighs eyes fluttering shut. This is exactly what he needed to get rid of the upcoming post nut clarity. The fact you held him with no judgement made him feel so...good?
There was no word to describe the way he felt in this given moment. But it was so perfect that he could only whimper in your arms.
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AN: guess who lied ab taking a break from writing? That's right!!!! So erm, this is ass and unfinished. It's a draft that I'm just getting out now instead of actually finishing so, yeah sorry for the disappoint
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webslingingslasher · 9 months ago
Text
Unknown Sender
happy valentine's day!
MONDAY: 13:52 
‘hi.’ Peter squints at the message, then the unsaved number. He's not sure how, but it’s a scam. 
‘i’d like to have your attention, please.’ Peter rolls his eyes, swiping left to not only delete but report the number as junk. No doubt it was a bot or someone with a flair for sextortion. 
A new number. ‘that was actually so rude of you, parker.’ 
‘unblock me right now.’ 
Peter shifts in his seat, he does a slow look around the room and finds nothing off putting or alarming. 
‘Who is this?’ 
Green bubbles pop up. ‘unblock me and i’ll tell you.’ Peter was right to guess about extortion. Another swipe, blocked and reported. Peter wasn’t participating in any games. 
A new number. ‘oh, now you’re just being cute.’ 
Peter feels his heart pick up a bit, it’s a tad threatening and now he’s overthinking it a little. What if someone has it out for him? Is there a mark on his back? ‘Please leave me alone.’ 
‘no.’ 
‘can we play 21 questions?’ 
Peter’s face scrunches up, he spins his head around one more time, someone is fucking with him. He has no clue who has time for something like that in university, but he’s not a willing participant anymore, not since high school. 
‘Leave me alone. Go torment a freshman.’ 
‘i don’t like freshmen. i like you.’ Peter chews at his bottom lip, there was a second of hesitancy but he knows the truth deep down. ‘I’m blocking you.’ 
‘sure. i’ll keep texting you, too.’ 
‘I’ll change my number.’ 
‘noooo please don’t do that. i had to work hard enough to get it the first time.’ Peter doesn’t respond. He blocks the number and moves on, and they don’t try to text him again.
Until the next day and Peter knows two things for certain. There is a note in his backpack, and it wasn’t there before his econ lecture. He remembers pulling that pocket open before he started notes, then when he went to zip it up, a note. 
This upsets him. What good was any sense when someone could get that unnoticeably close to him without him knowing? Second, it’s a little frustrating not to know who this person is and how it most likely is connected to the texts he had a few days ago, and that it’s an extremely long played joke that’s mostly boring. 
‘Peter Parker- 
You’ve been secretly admired. It might not be very secret, because I think you’ve caught me staring at you a thousand times. I like you a lot. 
Hopefully liked back, 
-X’ 
But a part of him believes it’s true. He’s trying to think of who’s in his lecture, if he’s caught them staring then they’re either to the side or behind him. There are too many faces, too many times he’s been looked at, he’s almost centered, it’s his fault for choosing a focal point. 
Instead of throwing it away, he refolds the pink handwriting and puts it back into place before hitching a strap over his shoulder and sliding behind chairs. One, two steps up he glances at your face, you have a weak smile, he returns the same kind, it’s more like a polite nod. Peter’s always thought you were pretty and he thinks you're nice. 
But really, he’s wondering who left the note. 
10:30
‘did you get my note?’ Peter does his normal scan across campus, again, his fault for being out in the open. This person could be anywhere, he’s on a picnic bench with a group of friends. If he’s smart, he’d start limiting himself to contained spaces and make you show yourself. 
‘Yeah. Who is this?’ Peter’s thumbs dance around the screen waiting for a reply, it comes quick. ‘i told you. x.’ He stops himself from rolling his eyes, he doesn’t know anyone with an ‘X’ anywhere in their name. 
‘Is that an initial?’ 
‘actually, i’m pretty sure it’s british for kiss.’ 
‘That’s a wild take. Are you saying the UK is responsible for XOXO’s?’ 
‘i’d like to make you responsible for my xoxo’s.’ Peter chews his bottom lip, he won’t play into anything in writing. He doesn’t believe this for a second, everything about this feels off. Someone’s fucking with him and they’re also in his class, or they have someone in on it in his class. 
But this is too advanced.
‘sorry. i don’t mean to like harass you or anything. you’re really hot but you scare me, i don’t think you would like me so idk, maybe if you talk to me you’d like me for me or something.’ 
‘i just think i’m punching wayyyy above my weight class here and i may be making this worse because there is no doubt you think im weird.’ 
‘i am weird. i should leave you alone now. i’m sorry.’ 
Peter reads his screen four times, it’s still not clicking. He’s nothing special and he doesn’t mean that in a way to dog on himself, he’s just nerdy and quiet. It seems a little too authentic to be fake, but he’s got to make sure. 
‘How’d you get my number?’ 
‘your friend. they have been sworn to secrecy but they know what i’m doing and they are in full support. take that as you will.’ 
‘Depends on the friend.’ 
‘i’ll tell you when you find out who i am.’ 
‘I’m going to find out? You’re not going to tell me?’ 
‘i don’t think i’ve been hiding it. you just haven’t been paying attention and now i want you to.’ 
‘Oh, but you’re shy?’ 
‘i’m about to pass out on the lawn behind this fucking screen, don’t play with me parker.’ A slip, you’re around him and you just admitted it. ‘Tell me, admirer, what are you wearing?’ The more detail the better, but he could work off of just a color. 
‘nice try. but you’re looking mighty handsome in the blue.’ A glance down, he suddenly feels watched. ‘Are you stalking me?’ 
‘oh no! no no no. i PROMISE you i’m not that fucking psychotic.’
‘i’m just a “sneak a note into your backpack” level of crazy. i’m here with my roommate and her boyfriend. i saw you and just wanted to know if you got it, i promise.’ 
‘You do understand that this situation makes you seem psychotic, right?’ 
‘yes. but i am not.’ 
‘That sounds like something a crazy person who got my number from a third party would say. Especially after I blocked you six times.’ 
‘it was three and you didn’t understand my intentions but okay. you have a fair point and i extend the olive branch of brett. he gave me your number and he knows me pretty well.’ 
Brett? Easy enough, he nods his head towards him and slides his phone across the table. “Explain.” His friend scrolls through the thread, a trustworthy smile spreads. “Yeah, I gave her your number.” Her. Okay, it’s something. “Who is she?” Brett shrugs, “you know her. She’s kind of a firecracker, you just make her nervous.” 
“That gives me nothing, Brett.” His friend blinks, “she’s not crazy. She likes you a lot for whatever fucking reason and has no idea how to approach you.” Peter’s letting his words soak in, “don’t believe me? Ask her about the grilled cheese, and make sure you tell her that I told you about how she went on for five fucking minutes about the grilled cheese.” 
“What grilled cheese?” Brett slides Peter’s phone back, he’s telling him to ask you. Something tells Peter it’s enough to embarrass, or it might be Brett being the ultimate wingman.
‘I’ve been told to ask you about the grilled cheese.’ 
‘oh god. there is no need to ask about the grilled cheese, did brett tell you about the grilled cheese?’ 
‘He told me to ask you. And to specify that you went on for five minutes about it.’ 
‘five is excessive, it was more like three. second, there is nothing to speak about.’ 
‘I would like to hear about it.’ 
‘i’d prefer if you didn’t.’ 
‘But you’ll do it for me?’ 
‘i’m weak for you and you know it. it’s sicking, parker.’ 
‘i heard you talking about making one in class and you said something about the crust and i really fucking love grilled cheese’s so i had a trip to fantasy land where you made me one and how it’s probably the best thing i’ll never get to taste.’ 
‘Wow. Five whole minutes on that?’ Peter won’t admit it made him feel a little warm on the inside, the most mundane of things to have someone so squirrely makes him feel unworthy. 
‘three.’ 
‘Tell me who you are and I’ll make you a grilled cheese.’ 
‘you have no idea how much that almost worked.’ 
‘What’s the plan then, master manipulator?’ 
‘i don’t know yet. i’m hoping you show me how smart you are and figure me out, then you can do all the hard questions.’ 
‘Hard questions?’ 
‘you know, do you wanna go on a date, do you wanna be my girlfriend, do you want to take my hand in marriage and have a summer home in the french alps? that kind of stuff.’ 
‘Totally not psychotic.’ Peter tucks his bottom lip between his teeth to hide the smile that wants to spread. 
‘mostly not.’ 
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WEDNESDAY: 13:57
Peter doesn’t know who X is, but they’re clever and have zero effect on his sixth sense. He doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Either way, he’s reading a note scribbled in blue pen and as he studies the words he knows it was rushed. It’s proof that he wasn’t being followed everywhere, instead you saw an empty table and an opportunity. 
‘Peter- 
You use mostly gender neutral pronouns. I think that’s very cool. Is it weird that I notice those things about you? Also- what is it that you’re always drinking from Nuthouse? Asking for a friend… 
Have a good day! 
-Your not so secret admirer, X. 
‘Not so secret,’ Peter isn’t sure about that. You’ve done a good enough job at not trying to be obviously known, he might have looked up your number last night to find dust. One was from an app, but the one you’ve been using is a burner phone. 
What he’s really not understanding is how you’re able to get so close to him without him noticing. You had to have been millimeters away when you rested the letter on his backpack, he was gone for less than two minutes and he had zero awareness. 
Peter folds up the note and sticks it in the same pocket as the other one, his back slung around one shoulder as he moves up the stairs for the library. At the same time, you come down the opposite side, Peter gives a friendly acknowledgement. 
You choke down the lump in your throat. “Hi, Peter.” He’s already past you, it’s echoed behind his shoulder. “Hey.” It’s something. You’re trying, you’re trying to be bold for him. But he’s not going to notice, he’s never going to notice you and if you tell him who you are you’ll never live past his disappointment. 
Your phone vibrates, the other phone. Your heart picks up, Peter texted first. 
 14:02 
‘Dirty chai.’ 
‘best of both worlds. how fitting. you’re such a nonconforming king.’ 
‘I don’t even know what that means.’ 
‘But thank you?’ 
‘you’re welcome!’ 
‘anything fun on the roster today?’ 
‘Roster? Who are you?’ 
‘idk you make me nervous. blame yourself.’ 
‘Well, coach. Nothing fun on the roster, just some math. Wanna swap places with me?’ 
‘gross. i hate math so if you like it that’s good with me. one of us has to be smart and it’s not me.’
‘Smart enough to use a burner phone.’ 
‘oooooh, someone tried to find meeee.’ 
‘Can’t blame a guy for being curious, can you?’ 
‘were you disappointed when you found nothing?’ 
‘A little bit. But, you know, it keeps the imagination alive. A little unfair advantage on your side though, you already know what I look like.’ 
‘if it helps, you already know what i look like too.’ 
‘I do?’ 
‘yeah. we’ve talked before.’ 
‘Wait, so I know who you are?’ Brett said he did but Peter thought he meant you’d be familiar, not that he actually knew you. This just opened the floodgates to a million more possibilities. 
‘not really but yeah i guess. you know i exist but we’re not friends or anything.’ 
‘I’d like to think we’re friends, but okay.’ 
‘not outside the texting.’ 
‘That’s your decision.’ 
‘HATER.’ 
‘Anymore hints?’ 
‘.... no.’ 
‘HATER.’ 
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FRIDAY: 12:15
You’re about to spill hot tea everywhere but it’ll be worth it to see his face. You ignore your pounding heart and stand in front of him. He’s got no clue you showed up, zoned out looking at the clock on the wall across from him. 
“Hi, Peter.” 
Full frontal attention, he’s looking at you. He’s perceiving you, he’s smiling at you. “Hi,” your eyes expand, he knows your name and it sounds so nice coming from his mouth. Sure, you’ve chatted with each other- even shared a few highlighters, but nothing serious. You’ve always been too scared to try anything else but maybe your fear has been mistaken for indifference. 
“I um, I lucked out today at Nuthouse so if you like dirty chai’s I got an extra one.” Your knees feel weak at his bright eyes, “my favorite. I’d love one, thank you.” You pass over the paper cup, your fingers brush and you think you’re about to collapse. 
“Yeah,” a weak laugh. “I had a feeling.” Peter tilts his head at you funny, you wonder if you pushed a little too far. “Okay, um, I’m gonna… have a good… lecture.” Peter nods and watches you go two rows up, he’s finally got a gut feeling. And it tells him to keep an eye out for you. 
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TUESDAY: 12:10
Not that Peter was reliant on your attention, he was used to it. So when the texts stopped for three days and he was unable to find any letters he assumed you had lost interest and moved on. That felt fair to him, no harm no foul, at least he never really got to know you. 
Nevermind, there’s a folded notebook page on his miniature desk and his heart speeds up. His next task, put eyes on you. Bottom level, book and pencil in hand. He makes sure to note it’s a pencil and not the green ink that’s spread across the page. 
Peter thinks it’s a mind game, you were smart enough to know he’d look. Unless he was totally wrong on his guess. 
‘Peter- 
I ran out of minutes on my phone and I’m having a broke college kid moment. However, a friend took pity and donated a twenty to the campaign. I hope you’ve been good- I’ve missed talking to you. 
- Your not so secret admirer, X’ 
ps. stop keeping your backpack so close to you.’
It wasn’t anything personal, you just ran out of minutes. Peter smiles so wide he has to drop it, he almost clutches the paper to his chest in a thank you. Eyeing his backpack, he nudges it a little further behind him, following instruction. He’s kept it close in hopes to catch you, but instead he’s pushing you away. 
Peter’s committing the writing to memory as if he’s going to find you by the handwriting alone. A quick glance at footsteps, you’re three steps away when you smile. “Hi, Peter.” He nods, “hey.” You pause for a moment, mind racing for words. 
“Did you, um- did you do anything fun this weekend?” You’re about to crawl into a hole and die, it takes a moment to click that you were speaking to him. He went as far to look behind himself, then he spewed the answer to try and make up for the lost time. 
“Oh, uh not really. My aunt got a new bed so I had to lug the old one down seven flights of stairs.” Your eyes widen, you feel your mouth go dry and your tongue go thick. “By yourself?” Peter crosses his arms over his chest, a boyish grin swept over and you feel heart eyes form. 
“I’m a good nephew.” You want to pat his head and tell him you’re sure he is, then maybe hold him at gunpoint and tell you more stories about how he’s a perfect humanitarian. But you act like a normal human and smile back, “you sound like it.” 
Peter thanks you and you return to your seat with wobbly knees and a weak stomach, it’s silent torture to tease yourself like this with him. But you can’t help it and it’s only in effort to go after what you want. Even if it blows up when he figures out who you are. 
12:13
‘you’re looking mighty handsome today, mr. parker.’ 
‘I’m wearing a hoodie, but thank you.’ 
‘i said what i said.’ 
Boldly, ‘i see someone had another dirty chai. can’t stay away from them, can you?’ 
Another tick in Peter's stomach, he almost looks behind his shoulder at you, but he doesn’t. ‘It was a generous donation from a classmate.’ 
‘oh? pray tell, peter. pray tell.’ 
‘What? You don’t have a clue about who gave it to me?’ 
You swallow thickly, before you could get something out he sent another message. ‘No chance you didn’t see it go down?’ 
‘how could i? I was still on my way.’ 
‘... or was i?’ 
‘Tell you what, X. It one of the best teas I’ve had in a while.’ 
And you’d be damned if that didn’t make your entire chest flutter. 
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FRIDAY: 15:29
“Here,” Peter’s hand clasped over the paper slapped into his chest. A hint of a syllable, Brett cuts himself off. “She asked me to give this to you.” Peter quickly read it and stared down before confiding in his friend for a second. 
‘Peter- 
Roses are red, violets are blue, all that I think about is you. 
It’s sweet in a cringy way, right? Boo on you for skipping class today, if you want, I could get you some notes. 
I hope I’ll see you Tuesday. 
-Your (really) not so secret admirer, X
ps. A pen exploded in my pocket. 10/10 chance my thigh will be stained.’
“I think I might know who it is.” 
“Uh, huh.” 
“But, she’s way out of my league.” 
“Correct.” 
Peter raised his eyebrows, “so it’s her?” He clarified with your name, Brett shrugged back. 
“I won’t be confirming or denying.” Peter knows what that means, “the lack of a no usually means yes.” 
“Bro,” Peter starts sputtering, “oh, c’mon! You know what I meant, I just meant that, I just- c’mon, Brett. Is it her?” 
“I have no idea who that is.” Peter wants to call bullshit, he has a gut feeling and he swears it’s you. You’re right, it’s not so secret. In fact, you’re painfully obvious. 
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FRIDAY: 23:14 
‘you are soooooooo cute’ 
‘like your hair is so cute’ 
‘i looooove curly hair on guys and you have that!!!!!!!!!’ 
‘and you’re really funny cause like it’s so quick and witty like you have such good one liners’ 
‘also you’re really fucking hot and i KNOW you’re hiding something under those fucking sweaters and the second i see skin i WILL go feral.’ 
‘Something tells me you’re at the Kappa party.’ Peter’s pretending he doesn’t have a searing blush. If he’s got an inkling this could be you… then he might have proof for the non-believers that god exists. 
‘yes!!! are you here?? i should come see you.’ 
‘I hate to disappoint you, but I’m currently at a friend's house playing a Mario Kart drinking game.’ 
“But it’s nice to know that you’d give me your identity that quick.’ 
‘oh i can tell you who i am.’ Peter frowns at the text, he’s been doing nothing but crave the answer to who’s behind the love letters but it feels wrong. It’s not satisfactory enough for him, it’s also not what you want, you’re just drunk- and Peter’s going out on a limb here- horny. 
‘Save it for later.’ 
‘And maybe drink some water.’ 
‘i’d do anything for you cause you have the world's prettiest brown eyes’
‘Thank you for the compliments.’ 
‘you’re super welcome i try to hold them back because i’m a good girl but you’re just so cute i had to let you know’ 
‘I think you’re going to super regret this in the morning.’ 
‘false. maybe fact idk’
‘i should trust you tho because you’re super smart and you’re a nerd.’ 
‘I fear this is taking a turn for the worse.’ 
‘and that is so fucking HOT’
‘Oh. Back to compliments. Thank you.’ 
‘if you were here i’d give you a kiss’
‘IGNORE THAT!!!!’
‘I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND THAT!!!! IGNORE IT’ 
‘Not ignored. How cute.’ 
‘screaming crying throwing up’ 
‘i really didn’t mean to send that it was a joke ha ha funny.’ 
‘Idk, sounded authentic to me.’ 
‘peter?’ 
‘Yeah?’ 
‘i’m a little drunk rn. and you should know how cute you are.’ 
‘Oh, I’m talking about record breaking levels of regret. This is amazing.’ 
‘i have to pee but i do not reget this!!!!!!’ 
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SATURDAY: 09:54
‘i stand by my claim and do not regret a thing.’ 
‘correction. i regret this hangover and the way my previous texts are not very cool girl of me.’ 
‘but i would like to know if you won mario last night.’
‘also, who’s ur fav character?’ 
11:12
1. Proud of you for owning it, that’s very cool girl of you. 
2. I did not win. 
3. Petey Piranha. 
‘who tf is petey piranha.’
‘Mario Kart Sunshine. Came out in 2002. (Originally on GameCube but recently released on switch.) (Hell yeah.)’ 
Your heart thumps, he’s such a nerd and you wanna kiss the air out of his lungs. ‘out of all the characters and u choose him. why petey piranha’ 
‘One guess.’ 
‘PETEY PIRANHA.’ 
‘OH MY GOD.’ 
‘you’re petey piranha <333’ 
Peter fights a grin, ‘I am.’ 
‘you’re so cute. i love that.’ 
‘Personally, in the past 24 hours I don’t think I’ve heard enough about how cute I am.’
‘you’re insufferable and it’s sexy.’ 
‘Oo, new one to the mix. You’re making me blush.’ You really are. He’s never been considered sexy before and it feels really nice. 
‘and i bet you look super cute.’ 
‘Super true.’ 
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TUESDAY: 12:34
‘white t shirt white t shirt white t shirt WHITE T SHIRT.’ 
‘You like?’ 
‘i’m about to cry i’m biting my fist so fucking hard.’ 
‘:)’ 
‘you’re so ubuibabeyia.’ 
‘Bless you.’ 
‘?’ 
‘Sorry, I assumed you sneezed.’ Peter never whipped his head around so fast at an audible laugh behind him. It was short, it had escaped without being thought about. He’s looking for you, but it doesn’t seem like it was you who laughed. You’re engrossed in chatting to your neighbor. 
On the other hand, you almost blew it by clasping your hands over your mouth. Instead you looked next to you and said, directly and with a burning gaze, “I need you to pretend we’ve been talking this whole time.” 
‘Someone’s losing their edge, you’re just begging to be caught.’ 
‘oh, i’m begging all right.’ 
‘can you hear me whimpering too?’ 
‘Easy, killer. Let’s not start sexting at noon on a Tuesday.’ 
‘are you saying there is a time for it?’ 
‘Give me a little wave and we’ll see.’ 
‘too late, i’m passed out on the floor. the only thing that can resuscitate me are those thick arms wrapped around me.’ 
‘Let these strong arms sweep you off your feet, all you gotta do is come talk to me after lecture…’ 
Peter says that, but he doesn’t mean it. He’ll definitely eat his words when he sees it’s you, then he’d be coming up with a thousand ways to back out of it. He’s so much more than you deserve, you feel so safe behind a keyboard but in person you can barely say a sentence. 
It’s stupid and a little humbling because you’ve never felt this way about a guy before. 
‘trust me, i’m better in your imagination.’ 
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WEDNESDAY: 14:22
‘Peter- 
You know a little about a lot and I think that is one of my favorite things about you. Or maybe it’s your voice. I could listen to you talk forever. 
-Your not so secret admirer, X’ 
A note under his textbook, if he follows his hunch then he’d be looking for… you. Conveniently three tables away and to the right of his own, you’re not looking for his reaction, you’ve got your focus on your own textbook but he swears you’re retaining none of it. It’s a distraction, or maybe it’s a diversion. 
Peter doesn’t mind. He’s going to wait. He has all the time in the world today and he’s going to sit here with his eyes on you until you look up at him because he knows you’re going to and once you do, he’s going to have his answer. 
If he’s right, and he swears he is, he’s going to absolutely lose is shit because what do you mean you like him and are intimidated? You boldly lied when you said you were punching above your weight class. Does it make him a jerk to say he wasn’t even thinking of you as a suitor and maybe a girl with a much more average look?
 Peter counted to sixty twice, you glance up, eyes shooting to the note you left on the table. The next stop, Peter’s face. And oh, you were not prepared to have him looking right back. Panic, you shoot a wave, a desperate attempt to pretend you’re seeing a familiar face. 
Peter waves back but he looks much more satisfied than you did, you wonder if the jig is up. Did he crack the code? Was he just trying to find a friendly way to let you down? Deny til death, he has no proof it’s you. You pack your things up, a hurried scramble before you could lose your cool. 
On the way out you almost stop breathing, your forearm caught in Peter’s hand. You’re staring down at it, he’s not removing it. It burns in the best way. “Hey,” you wait, you can’t stop looking at his hand, the muscle, the subtle flex, his fingertips paler to show his grip. “Hi, Peter.” 
It’s breathless, you think you’re about to die. If he asks, you don’t know how you’ll lie your way out. 
Guess who’s got a stained pocket? The corner edge darkened with black ink that would never be washed out. Peter has his answer. You’re her. You’re X. “Thanks again for the tea.” 
 Maybe you wanted more, you feel a bit deflated when it’s all you receive.
“You’re welcome.” Your arm feels cold when he drops his touch, you linger for a second too long, you’re not sure when you’ll be this brave again. It was too much of a close call. “I hope the rest of your day is good.” 
Peter’s got a charismatic grin, he feels settled now that he knows you’re the anonymous lover in his life. Even more so when you find yourself shy and reserved in person, it almost makes him giggle to think of the stark changes in confidence.
“You too.” Your body engulfs into flames when your arm is caught again, you’re struggling to keep calm at his boyish smile. “Quick question,” you nod slightly, trying to show zero paranoia for the following words. 
“Do you have a boyfriend?” 
Short circuiting. You see black spots, you think you’re about to pass out. There is only one thing that means, no guy asks that if they weren’t interested in changing that, right? 
“No.” It’s anything but graceful. It sounds like you’ve never had a boyfriend before. It makes you sound like you’re scared he asked it. 
But, Peter doesn’t take it like that. He smiles wider, like he already knew the answer before he asked it.
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THURSDAY: 16:37
A new letter, stuffed under the top handle of his backpack. Peter listened and stopped setting it next to him, in return he was rewarded. He can’t stop the small smile, you make it involuntary at this point. Peter’s never felt so special in his life, a little part of him wants this to never end. But he’d much rather look you in the eyes. 
‘Peter- 
I had a dream with you in it last night. Don’t worry, you had your clothes on. I’m not sure what we were doing but you were across from me at a diner and we were sitting in those super thick booths and our friends were there. 
I don’t know who these friends were, and I don’t think you do either. But I knew them as our friends. 
It felt really nice. I’m happy to know you, even if I just get this little piece. 
-Your not so secret admirer, X’
Peter’s been wrong a lot in his life but this time he really thinks he has it figured out. He’s much more bold now, this letter tells him it’s not infatuation, it’s love. 
You love him and he thinks he could love you too. 
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FRIDAY: 20:08
‘Hey.’ Peter could be making the worst decision of his life here, he could be reading everything wrong and ruining this for himself. 
‘hi peter!’ But he really thinks he’s got it right.  
‘I really, really liked talking to you for the past few weeks but I think I should tell you that I like someone else.’ 
Gut wrenching despair. You knew it was too good to last, you knew he’d find someone more in his league. Someone who’d be willing to show him their face. There was no reason to respond because what would you say to that? 
‘thank you for letting me know that opening up to you was all for nothing!’ 
‘thanks for making me doubt love!’ 
‘hope you and her are so fucking happy together!!!!!’ 
Fuck it all and fuck Peter. He just liked the attention until it came from somewhere else. You don’t think you like him all that much anymore. You think you’re lying, too. Before you can give into the desire of hurting him just as bad, you calmly turn the phone off and stuff it in the back of a desk drawer to never be uncovered again. 
You slowly sit in bed and tug the blankets over your head. And only then, do you allow yourself to sob. 
Peter chewed on his bottom lip and waited an hour with constant phone checks before he realized a response was never coming. It really set in during the weekend but even further when he got no note or letter on monday. Not even when he left his backpack unattended for five minutes. 
TUESDAY -he was able to see you and how you avoided his eyes. How you pretended you didn’t see him send a small wave. How you had pulled back from him. 
And if he hadn’t hurt your feelings, or X’s feelings, why would you do that? 
You look up at a two fingered knock at the corner of your desk. “Hi.” You blink and ignore the white noise buzzing in your ears at the sight of Peter standing in front of you. “Hi, Peter.” 
“How was your weekend?” Bitter. Terrible. Lonely.
“Fine. Nothing exciting.” Besides you breaking my heart. 
Watching his fingertips dance on the edge of the plastic, you feel everything in you brighten. “You look sad.” There’s a burn in your stomach, he’s the reason for both the sting and the sadness. 
“Do you need something? Or are you just doing a friendly check in?” Peter bites back the grin when you snap at him, he’s so, so, so right and it feels so, so, so good. “Neither. I’m just confirming my suspicions.” 
“Suspicions?” 
“Yeah. You passed.” Your eyebrows furrow, before you could try to question further Peter was giving half a wave, saying bye, and skipping a step to his aisle. 
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FRIDAY: 12:08
You stop breathing for a solid second before feeling your brain spark back to life. It could be anything, it could be from anyone, but you know there’s only one person who would’ve left a note on your desk. 
Your fingers slightly shake when you unfold the graph paper, little squares bled through with black sharpie. 
‘X-
Am I right?
Hopefully, 
-  Peter’ 
You can’t breathe, you can’t talk, you can’t move and you definitely can fucking not look at him. No, no, no. You can feel his eyes on you, you know he’s watching for your reaction. Peter figured you out and had his own fun along the way. 
You were the girl he liked. Oh, wow. Is this how special you’ve made him feel? Something just for your eyes, from him. A secret you both shared between lines. 
You spin and swear you can feel his gaze running over your back, he’s aching for the answer. You almost scream at a tap on your shoulder, a peek lets you know it’s the person you’re hiding from. 
Another note, folded up just like the other one. It’s pushed into your hand, Peter doesn’t say a word, he just offers and leaves. He’s not watching this time, he’s sitting and focused on the front, you feel air leak back into your lungs. 
Full on panic shaking, you’re so happy he’s not watching. 
Your name is addressed on the front, just like you do for him. 
‘I like you. 
I think you not so secretly like me too. 
We could talk more about it at dinner tonight. Will you let me take you out?
Circle yes or no. 
- Peter.
PS. XOXOXO now you’re responsible for mine, too.’ 
2K notes · View notes
adragonprinceswhore · 3 months ago
Text
Rumours
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Aemond Targaryen x (Ex)Wife
Chapter V: Silver Springs 🎼 Masterlist
Summary: You think back to the tumultuous end of your marriage.
Warnings: 18+, AFAB reader, she/her pronouns, angst, fighting, possessive Aemond, toxic relationship dynamic, dysfunctional family dynamic, physical violence, blood, anger issues
Word count: 5700
A/N: As always, I’d like to acknowledge my love, Justine @theoneeyedprince 🩵 She’s writing a new series called Careless Whisper and it is a gem! ILY!
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“You excited for the big show tonight?”
Jace’s cheery voice greets you as you enter the backstage area of Winterfell Arena. You look up from your phone and acknowledge your bandmate with a smile, 
“Excited and more nauseous than I’ve ever been”, you joke, sliding your phone in your pocket. 
It looks like most backstage rooms have looked so far on the tour; sparsely decorated with fold up tables and chairs. There’s an array of snacks and drinks offered, and you make your way to the refreshments next to Jace to grab some coffee. 
He appears to already be wearing his stage clothes; a tight, purple silk button-down shirt that  shows just enough skin to get his fans excited. Despite the curse of being the overlooked bassist, Jace has a small yet rowdy fanbase, who tend to go absolutely mental whenever he winks at them from stage. He loves the attention, and you guess today’s extra slutty outfit choice is his gift to them. 
He moves to lean against the table, plastic coffee cup in hand,
“So, will you treat us to a new song tonight? I hadn’t heard ‘Dreams’ all put together before we performed it but damn, it sounded great”
You meet his eyes as you pick up the plastic cup by the small ear on the side, 
“I think I’ll do ‘Dreams’, it’s the only one I feel is really finished”, you reply and take a sip. 
There is another song you’ve been working tirelessly on, but you’re not sure if you feel ready to perform it. 
It is one of the reasons why your album is delayed. The members have all recorded their instruments and finished the back-up, yet you haven’t submitted a final version of your vocals. 
As a musician, you’re used to pouring your heart out when writing lyrics, not afraid of getting personal. And still, for some reason, this one almost feels too revealing; too intimate to sing out loud. 
You have the lyrics written down, and you’ve sung them to yourself at home. But singing them on stage, with him there, feels too exposing.
Too vulnerable.  
You haven’t seen Aemond since your regrettable tryst in his hotel room. 
After reading through the divorce papers, you called Alysanne back up, needing help to wrap your head around the entire situation. 
After a few hours of talking, she convinced you that this was for the best. 
You’d gotten what you wanted. 
And the mishap in Aemond’s room was, according to your best friend, nothing more than a chance to “bang one out” one last time. 
“Got it”, Jace replies in his typical cheerful manner. He reaches for a small biscuit on the table and pops it into his mouth, “I’m sure your song will sound great. They always do” 
His warm, brown eyes shine as he assures you of your abilities. It feels nice; how uncomplicated his praise is, and you smile back at him again, thankful to have at least one easy-going person in your band. 
You continue to chat light-heartedly as you wait for the other band members to arrive.  
When Jace heads outside for a smoke, you spot a familiar notebook on one of the chairs nearby. 
It’s open.
Curious and foolish, you head over to see what’s written. 
You glance at the paper, lyrics written by hand in impeccable handwriting. You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t help yourself. 
‘I don’t wanna stand ‘tween you and love, honey’‘I just want you to feel fine’
Again with the self-pitying? Fucking hell, he’s relentless. 
Did he want you to “feel fine” when he forbade you from attending events without him? Or when he went through your email without your permission?  
‘Oh, you say you love me but you don’t know’
You put the paper back down, already feeling your mood souring. 
Prick.
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When you first started dating, you quickly learned that Aemond was the rock of his family. 
If his brother had been arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour, he was there. 
If his mum needed someone to help organise a charity event, he was there. 
If his grandfather needed him to go over a case at 3 am, he was there. 
Seeing the stress of such immense pressure weigh him down, you, in turn, tried to be his rock; supporting him in any way you could. 
You managed quite well. Like those times he came home late after spending 12 hours at the office, and you greeted him with a smile and a home-cooked meal, kissing his cheek. 
He’d sit down and grab you by the waist as you placed the plates on the table, keeping you on his lap while you ate and discussed your days together. 
When you finished eating, you’d stay like that. He’d lean into you, resting his face in the crook of your neck while he held you close, thanking you for the delicious meal. 
You knew that he was thankful for what you did for him; gratitude evident in his voice and how he complimented your cooking skills. Still, there was always this sadness inside of him, a pitiful tint to his tone. 
It was tough seeing how drained he got from being everything for everyone. 
Aemond’s older sibling never felt the crushing pressure of being Otto Hightower’s protégée. While he worked tirelessly at Oldtown Solicitors after finishing his degree, they chose to pursue the band full-time. A privileged career choice made optional by their generous trust funds. 
You took a part-time position after graduating so that you could stay in the band and write music. Aemond nearly convinced you to focus on the band full-time as well, arguing that he could provide for you if you ever needed anything. Despite the generous offer, you decided that he already had enough to deal with, and potentially adding further to his endless list of responsibilities didn’t sit right with you. 
You wanted to ease his troubles, not add to them. 
Consequently, when you recorded your first album, it was mostly at night, after Aemond had finished working with his grandfather. His natural talent and precision as a guitarist and singer meant that it usually only took him two or three attempts before he was satisfied with a piece. 
You, on the other hand, did not find the recording process as easy. 
You feel tears of frustration sting your eyes as you step out of the sound booth. Helaena, Aegon and Jace had already gone home, drained from a full day of recording. 
“Hey, what’s wrong?”, Aemond asks when he sees the way the corners of your lips pull downward. 
You let out a shaky breath to gather yourself, swallowing in an attempt to make the lump in your throat disappear, 
“I can’t do it, it just-, it sounds like shit no matter how many times I-”, you mumble, cutting yourself off as you try to take another deep breath, determined not to cry. 
You feel silly, getting so upset over something so nonsensical. Still, being unable to deliver in the way you’d like has left you feeling powerless over your own voice, like you can’t control it. 
Aemond stands up from his seat by the mixing table and slowly makes his way towards you. He moves one of his hands to cup your cheek and looks down to make eye contact with you, 
“Don’t say that”
His voice is soft as his thumb gently strokes your cheek, “It’s late and you’re tired, it’s okay to need a break. But never doubt yourself, love”. 
He leans down to place a kiss on your forehead and you crave his touch like nothing else, pushing yourself against his body as your arms hug his waist. He hugs you back, one hand stroking your hair, and you instantly feel the lump in your throat melt away. 
The tears that had threatened to spill, never do. 
He makes it all go away.
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The blood, sweat and tears you’d put into creating your first ever album as Dragon Dreamers proved to be worth it. Suddenly, your songs play on the radio and are featured on major playlists, where thousands of people can listen to them. 
The success instigated both you and Aemond quitting your jobs and focusing on the band full time together with Helaena, Aegon and Jace. You were certain that leaving Oldtown Solicitors and creating some distance with his grandfather would be good for Aemond, maybe even pushing him to open up to you more. 
He had a tendency of shutting you out, particularly when he was clearly distressed by something. He refused to even acknowledge some things, like he wanted to spare you from it. Yet all his secrecy did was make you feel lonely; like a stranger your beloved did not trust enough to let in. Every time he dismissed your concerns and refused to speak about what was upsetting him, another crack appeared on your weary heart. 
During the first year of your relationship you’d been under the impression that you and Aemond shared a connection so innate and deep, you didn’t need to discuss things like other couples did. 
You were able to understand each other wordlessly. 
And though there was truth in that assumption, time made you realise that Aemond’s inability to open up slowly tore a cavernous rift between the two of you. 
Music blasts out of the speakers in the crowded bar, making it hard for you to hear Tyland as he introduces you to one of his colleagues. 
It’s a man around 30, with a slightly crooked smile and long, dark hair pulled back in a bun. 
You move closer to hear what he’s saying, nodding along to his explanation of what next for your band. 
“We’d like to make a music video for one of your songs, maybe featuring a live performance?”, he asks and you feel yourself light up at the thought. A bright smile breaks out over your face, revealing your approval of his proposal. 
“That would be amazing!” 
You nearly have to shout for him to hear you over the ruckus in the bar, and you lean in a little closer. 
“Have you ever considered doing some solo stuff? On the side, of course”, he asks, grey eyes locked with yours. 
You open your mouth to answer, but before you have a chance you feel a warm hand on your shoulder, stopping you, 
“She wouldn’t have time for that”
Aemond’s firm voice answers right behind you. You didn’t see him come up, and you can hear the irritation in his voice. A quiet sigh leaves your lips, dreading what’s to come. 
The man Tyland had introduced you to appears a bit stunned by the sudden shift in atmosphere, and offers you both an awkward smile and stiff nod before heading to the bar counter. 
You turn to face Aemond, whose face is set in a frown,
“What was that about?”, he asks and you feel irate frustration bubble up inside your chest. 
This is not the first time he’s taken the liberty of answering for you, or scaring away anyone who dared approach you. 
“Nothing”, you reply before walking around Aemond, moving towards the door. 
You need air, your husband’s presence suffocating you. 
You step outside and spot Jace, leaning against the wall with a cigarette hanging from his lips. 
“You don’t happen to have one more?” 
He pulls out the pack together with his lighter and opens it for you in an invitation to steal one. 
You place the cigarette between your lips, mumble out “thanks”, and light it up. 
You take a drag, let the smoke fill your lungs, and you close your eyes. 
The nicotine gives you a slight high and your fingertips tingle pleasantly. 
“Give us a minute, Jace”
Aemond’s voice interrupts your serenity, and your companion leaves without a word of protest.  
You open your eyes to look at Aemond. You know he’s upset about what had just happened, but there is something else that he’s not telling you. 
Behind the angry facade, he seems sad. 
Or insecure? 
It is hard to decipher when he so persistently tries to push those feelings down. 
He doesn’t say anything. His hand seeks out yours to grab the cigarette and he takes a long drag before handing it back to you. You wish he’d just talk to you. Tell you what makes him act so hostile towards those around you. 
Towards you.
It makes you anxious; the uncertainty. Not knowing what’s going on inside. 
Aemond breaks the silence.,
“So, you really want to leave the band?”
You click your tongue in frustration and throw the cigarette on the ground, stomping on it until the bud stops glowing,
“When have I ever said that?”
“You sure seemed happy when that scumbag wanted to steal you away”, he says and moves to lean against the wall next to you. 
“Aemond”, you sigh, looking up to meet his eyes. He is so hard to read it infuriates you. 
You know there is no point in fighting. It’s like his mind is set on distrusting you; of thinking the worst of you. 
“Every time you act like this, you break my heart. It's like you don’t trust me in the slightest”, you say in a helplessly defeated voice,
“That hurts, you know”
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As Aemond got more and more possessive over you, he also kept you further and further away from himself. 
Sometimes you wondered if he actually hated you. 
Why else would you cause his ire to light up so fiercely? 
Whenever someone approached you, he was there, looming over you. 
Guarding you. 
Like you were his, and no one else was allowed near. 
No matter how many times you asked him to stop, he wouldn’t listen. 
Instead, after you found yourselves in a fight, something that had become a weekly occurrence, he’d head out without a word, leaving you alone in your shared home. 
He could be gone for hours, leaving his phone behind so you couldn’t contact him. It felt like torture, waiting for him to come back without any knowledge of what he was up to, or if he was okay. 
When he eventually came back and you confronted him about his behaviour, he dismissed your concerns, telling you that he just needed to “clear his head”. 
Everything about the situation felt unfair. 
Not just the fact that he opted for running away instead of talking to you, but also because you knew he’d be livid if you decided to suddenly leave in the middle of the night. 
After a year of meaningless fights, petty arguments and baseless accusations, you came to the realisation that you couldn’t be his rock anymore. And he’d stopped being yours long ago. 
Before the success of the band, you could provide him with reassurance and love. 
Now, it seemed like he’d made you the enemy, suspicious of everything you did, set on distrusting you. 
Staying with him, loving him, felt like too great of a challenge. 
And maybe it was. 
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Taking one last look in the mirror, you put on just a little more lipstick before tossing it in your handbag and walking out of the bathroom. You’d ordered a taxi for six o’clock, and it should arrive any minute now. 
“When were you going to tell me about this?”
Aemond’s harsh voice echoes in the quiet room. 
He’s leaning against the kitchen island in the middle of your open-plan flat. You feel the all too familiar pit of anxiety form in your stomach at his tone. 
He’s irritated again. 
He holds your phone up so that you can see the screen, an email from Tyland.
He’d contacted you earlier today about an opportunity for you to do a photoshoot and interview at Casterly Rock to promote the band's biggest hit yet, Landslide. 
Your eyes narrow as you look at Aemond, 
“Don’t go through my emails”
“Tyland wrote that he’s already booked you a ticket. You have to run that by me first”, he continues in a stern voice. 
As if he’s lecturing a child on bad behaviour. 
You stay silent, move to the sink to pick up a glass and fill it with water. You try to distract yourself enough to breathe, anger already making you feel hot all over. 
“It was a last minute decision, it’s only 2 nights next week”, you explain through clenched teeth. 
You really don’t want to get into a fight right before a show, and had already decided to tell Aemond after instead. Somewhere inside, you knew he wouldn’t be happy. 
“Were you not going to give me the courtesy of letting me know that you’re leaving?”
“I was going to tell you after the show”
Your body is still facing the sink so you won’t have to face him. 
You can’t decide if you’re more angry with him for trying to control you, or saddened by the fact that he doesn’t trust you. 
“You should’ve told me imm-”
“Aemond, you don’t own me. Stop acting like I’m your possession!”
Your irksome voice cuts him off. His still trying to keep his cool, tone refusing to match your intensity as he answers, 
“But I am your husband”
“It’s just two nights away. I’ll be with Tyland the entire time”, you say, softening your tone to not trigger him further. 
“Out of the question. You’re not going”, he replies stoicly and places your phone back on the kitchen island before standing up. 
“That’s not for you to decide!”
Your previous attempt to remain calm fails. You almost want to laugh at the absurdity of it all; being denied a business trip by your husband like he’s your guardian. 
“Yes, because we’re a team! I’d never fucking run away without you”, Aemond spits, clearly as incapable of keeping a level head as you are. 
“It’s two nights away to promote the band. I’m not “running away”, you clarify and turn to face him. 
You can see how exasperated he is by his stiff posture and the hard look in his seeing eye. He tries so hard to hide it, and yet you always manage to see through the facade. 
“It’s good publicity”, you say. 
“I said no”, is all he replies before he moves to the sideboard by the door, picking up the keys placed in a small dish resting on the polished surface. 
You feel your face heat up in anger at his dismissal of your words; of your agency. 
How dare he think he can dictate your life? 
“Well, I don’t need your fucking permission!”, you shout back at him, 
“If I want to fly to Casterly Rock, or any other fucking place, I will! You can’t stop me from doing anything, Aemond. I’ll fly to fucking Yi Ti if I so wish! You can’t-”
Your rant is cut off by a sudden loud crash by the wall next to you. 
The remnants of the dish where you kept your house keys lies in shambles on the floor next to you. Your wide eyes look down at the plate's remainders in disbelief before travelling towards Aemond. 
It’s like both of you are frozen in shock from his actions. His recovery seems to be quicker than yours, regret clear on his face and in his voice, 
“Shit. Fuck! Sorry, I’m so sorry”
He rambles apologies in panic, clearly stunned by his own action. He tries to shuffle closer to you, but you recoil as soon as he comes near.  
The shock of his action and the loud sound that accompanied it triggers something inside you, and you immediately feel tears well up in your eyes. 
You feel like a child; startled and scared. 
“Fuck. Sorry for scaring you, love”
His voice is much softer than mere seconds ago. Pleading. 
Aemond brings his hands up slightly, a sign of surrender, and moves closer to comfort you. 
You wince and back away from him, eyes still widened in disbelief. 
“I’d never hurt you”, he tries to assure you. 
You still can’t fully comprehend what had just happened, 
“How the fuck am I supposed to believe that?”
Aemond opens his mouth to answer just as the intercom rings, signalling that the taxi is waiting downstairs. 
You try to gather yourself somewhat and take a deep breath before moving to grab your bag and jacket from the hallway. 
Aemond’s pitiful expression observes you, and you tell him, “When we get back, we need to talk about this. About us. I can’t take this any more”
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The taxi ride to the venue is excruciating. 
Aemond hasn’t said a word, but his fingers are tapping restlessly against his thigh, something you’d learned to be one of his most prominent nervous habits. 
In the corner of your eye, you can see how his gaze repeatedly seeks out yours, but you refuse to look at him. 
He reaches out to lightly touch your fingers, but you move away from his touch,
“I-, I don’t know what came over me, love. I am so sorry for scaring you, I promise it will never happen again”
You’re too tired to respond, and stubbornly continue to watch the city pass by through the car window. 
When the cab pulls up to the live house, you can still feel the tears of shock drying on your cheeks. You thank the driver and step out of the car, before entering the backstage area. 
The small room you’d been assigned to prepare in smells musky and the lights are toned down. 
Helaena is nowhere to be found, but you immediately notice Jace’s brown locks in the corner of the room, seated in an armchair with his base in his lap. 
On the large, brown leather sofa placed in the middle of the room sits a slouching young man with ruffled, silvery hair and purple bags under his eyes. He lights up when he sees you enter, voice slightly slurred, 
“There she is! King’s Landing’s new little, uh-, fucking-, romantic, sexy sweetheart!”, Aegon drunkenly declares, smiling from ear to ear, 
“Charming everyone with her sad songs”
“Hi Aegon, are you okay?”, you ask gently.
You try as hard as you can to hide the fact that you’re disappointed in seeing him so clearly intoxicated. 
You know he has problems with alcohol, and despite a recent trip to rehab, he hasn’t gotten much better. 
“I am, now that you’re here”, he replies with a sloppy wink. 
You move towards the small fridge by the wall of the cramped room, pulling out a water bottle and handing it to him without saying a word. 
He brings the bottle up in a mock cheer before opening it and taking a large sip, possibly to show you, and Aemond, that he isn’t as drunk as you assume he is. 
“Always so fucking sweet to me”, he smiles at you, “Mondo, you’re a lucky guy, you know”, he addresses his brother, who’s leaning against the door, clearly displeased with the fact that Aegon hadn’t been capable of waiting until after the show before he got shit-faced. 
The hostility between the brothers is clearly one-sided as the older Targaryen continues,
“I just saw the most unhinged shit online man! Some fans were discussing what her favourite position is”, he laughs out as he addresses his brother. Aemond’s face is stoic, but you can see the tension in his jaw as he fixes his eye on Aegon. 
“Is it true, baby? Is it really doggy?”, he asks as his eyes shift from Aemond to you. 
You’d gotten more or less used to how lewd your brother-in-law could get when he’s drunk. But being asked something so crass after the day you’d had only leaves you feeling disgusted. 
“Knock it off”, Aemond’s stern voice cuts through the cramped space. 
You notice Jace shifting uncomfortably in his seat, picking up the pack of cigarettes in front of him on the coffee table before standing up and heading out of the door. 
You wish you could run away as well, but the tension radiating from Aemond tells you to stay put.
“Oh, come on, it’s all in good fun! I’d die to have a girlfriend with tits like that”
Whatever game Aegon thinks he’s playing with his brother is clearly one-sided. Aemond quickly jerks his head to the side to look at his brother, seeing eye darting at a speed that his blind eye’s incapable of. 
“Uh oh! Eyes going two different directions!”, Aegon says with a laugh, crossing his eyes to mock Aemond, 
“Can Lazy Eye look you in the face when he’s fucking you?”, he asks and he turns to you, eyes still meeting over the bridge of his nose. 
“Seriously, Aegon, knock it off”, you plea. 
He can turn so fucking mean when he’s drunk, hiding his own displeasure with life behind jabs at his brother. 
He continues to laugh when he adds,
“One eye on your face and one on your tits? A pity he can’t see through it”.
Before you have a chance to reply, Aemond lunges forward, fist held high as he smashes it against his brother's face. Aegon keeps laughing even as blood spills from his nose, staining Aemond’s hand going in for blow after blow. 
You’re frozen for a millisecond before you start to yell at him to stop, but it’s like he doesn’t hear you.  
Neither does he hear his older brother’s laughs turn to grunts of pain as he begins to sober up under Aemond’s assault. 
You see Aegon’s face turn slack, eyes fluttering shut like he’s going out of consciousness. Aemond continues to land punch after punch on his brother’s face and you feel panic rush inside of you. 
You throw yourself on Aemonds back in an attempt to pull him away. He’s inaccessible, not listening to your desperate pleas for him to stop.
Drops of blood are flying in front of you, landing on the worn leather sofa underneath Aegon. Your arms encircle Aemond’s shoulders as you try to pull him off of his brother with all your might. 
He tries to shrug you off, but as he goes in for the next hit, his elbow accidentally retracts against the side of your body, making harsh contact with your ribs. 
You wail out in pain and Aemond immediately stops his assault on his brother to turn around and look at you in panicked worry. 
Your body’s folded over the coffee table next to the sofa, hand placed over the spot that's hurting on the side of your stomach. 
He moves away from Aegon to make his way towards you, but you back away from him by reflex, suddenly too aware of how dangerous his temperament can be. 
You hurry up on your feet to quickly leave the backstage area, Aemond’s strained voice calling out your name behind you. 
He’s fucking lost it.
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Thinking back to everything that led up to your divorce leaves you feeling a mix of emotions, misery being the most prominent one. 
This is supposed to be the highlight of your career; the band’s biggest show yet. 
You don’t want to feel like this; a constant state of being filled with sorrow. 
You want to enjoy performing again. 
You can hear the crowd call for you to come out on stage, and you feel nerves ebbing through your veins in anxious waves. 
“Aemond wanted to perform ‘Never Going Back Again’ as the first part of the encore later on”, Helaena says and looks at you. You feel even more restless. 
“And I thought maybe you have another new song to sing? Maybe the one you sent me a recording of?”
Her hand comes up to rest reassuringly on your upper arm. You know which one she means, even if she doesn’t say anything else. The song. 
“I told the guys it’s called ‘Silver Springs’, they’ll know which one it is from recording. I know we haven’t practised it together but Dreams was such a hit with the fans, I’m sure they’ll love this one too”, she says and smiles gently in that way only she’s capable of. 
The thought of Aemond performing ‘Never Going Back Again’, on top of singing ‘The Chain’ and ‘Go Your Own Way’, lights a fuse inside of you. 
You look over at him, 
“Okay”
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This is it. 
The stage, vast and intimidating, seems to close in as the intro to ‘Silver Springs’ starts to play. 
You have no idea if Aemond had listened to the voice recordings for the song.
You asked Helaena to do backup vocals instead of him on the track, hoping that would make the song feel less of a testament to your heartbreak. 
‘You could be my silver spring’
‘Blue-green, colours flashing’
‘I would be your only dream’
‘Your shining autumn, ocean crashing’ 
What if he had read the lyrics? 
Had he pondered them weeks after, dreading to hear you sing them on stage? 
‘And don’t say that she’s pretty’
‘And did you say that she loved you?’
‘Baby I don’t wanna know’
Had he even cared?
Your longing gets the best of you, and you glance over at Aemond. 
‘So I begin not to love you’
‘Turn around, see me runnin’’
‘I say “I loved you years ago”’
‘Tell myself you’d never loved me’ 
His face is stoic; good eye already observing you.  
He might look calm to the audience, but you can see the tension in his jaw. You see how he’s breathing heavily out of his nose. 
His grip on the guitar seems bruising, fingers moving skillfully; never making a mistake. 
You quickly look away. 
Why do you suddenly find him so intimidating? 
‘And don’t say that she’s pretty’
‘And did you say that she loves you?’
‘Baby, I don’t wanna know’
‘And can you tell me, was it worth it?’
‘Baby, I don’t wanna know’ 
Your own lyrics prickle your heart. 
Do you tell yourself he never loved you because that’d be easier? 
What if it was true, that he never really loved you? 
He’d been possessive over you. And he’d been controlling. But that’s not love. 
Loving someone means you care for their well-being and happiness, over anything else. 
You know he loves Alicent and Helaena. He treats them differently from how he’s been with you; he was so much gentler with them. 
Picking fights with you over nothing, controlling your life and not letting you be happy, that's not love. 
Worst of all, he doesn’t act like that with Alys. 
Does he love her?
‘Time cast a spell on you, but you won’t forget me’
‘I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me’
You think back to how your relationship once was. 
When he was your biggest supporter, erasing any doubts you had about your own talent. Always reassuring you that you were worthy. 
That man is not the one sharing a stage with you now. 
The sorrow over losing your beloved husband turns to anger, and you need him to know. 
He needs to see how much he hurt you. 
‘Time cast a spell on you, but you won’t forget me’ 
You can’t look away, not even when tears start forming in the corners of your eyes. 
Aemond’s seeing eye looks so dead; completely void of emotion. His knuckles are white from the force in which he’s holding his guitar. 
‘I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me’
Every emotion you’ve tried to suppress comes crashing over you; 
Anger.
Hurt.
Betrayal.
Grief. 
But you won’t let him win. You can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you broken. 
You feel a tear escape down your cheek, but you refuse to look away from his face as you keep singing, 
‘I’ll follow you down ‘til the sound of my voice can haunt you’
‘Oh, give it just a chance’
‘You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you’
Despite standing in front of thousands of people, despite what happened in his hotel room, this feels like the most intimate exchange you’ve had in months. You want him to see how much he hurt you. 
You want him to feel bad. 
To hurt too.
‘Was I such a fool?’ 
‘I’ll follow you down ‘til the sound of my voice can haunt you’
Your voice almost breaks from the sheer force of the emotions pouring out of you, but you manage, singing with nothing but raw emotion and sorrow-fuelled rage. More tears slide down your cheeks. 
‘Oh, give it just a chance’
‘You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you’
‘Time cast a spell on you, but you won’t forget me’
‘I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me’ 
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You finish up the concert on auto-pilot, not really present anymore. As soon as you finish playing The Chain, you make your way back to the hotel. 
You throw the door to your room open, kick off your shoes, and dive into the back of the closet where you store your clothes. 
You pull out Aemond’s university hoodie from the black bin bag you’d tossed it in, anger consuming you just by the sight of it. 
Fuck him. 
You look around the hotel room for something sharp; a pair of scissors, a wine opener, a fork, anything. You spot the small pair of scissors you use to trim your nails with on the nightstand and grab them before stabbing one of the tiny blades into the soft material of the hoodie. 
Fuck him. 
Your vision turns blurry as tears well up in your eyes for the second time this evening, but the tiny bit of relief you feel from ruining something of Aemond’s is intoxicating. 
You put your fingers through the small holes you’d made in the fabric and pull with all your strength, ripping the shirt over and over until it’s nothing but a pile of scraps of fabric. 
Fuck him.
A/N: Thank you for readig! 🫶
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