#i went into a procedure on my own??? and didnt cry???

[ritz-writes]

me: i know my anxiety is really bad but i have an okay handle on it :)

me after the hospital gave me some anxiety medication to help calm my nerves: oh wow

[hprse]

Just realized i think i might Rly need general anaesthetic for the wisdom teeth removal but like probably Wont b able to

[icarusbuck]

Tumblr threw a tantrum so Idk if this went threw the first time. 🙄🙄

Tell me More about the Here We Go by NSYNC being an inside joke among you and your friends. Please.

gndfndnsa okay, so i have this close friend who started out as a work friend. we used to manage a movie theater together, which meant frequently we'd be doing loads of math and paperwork around 1-2am. i usually liked to listen to podcasts during this time to keep me focused but when i was joined by someone else i'd switch to music.

well, one night we were waiting for theaters to drop and just hanging out. i don't remember exactly how it came up but i learned he didnt know who NSYNC was and started playing something. he HATED that song. like immediately. so, me being me, i started playing it every single time he would walk in the room. there was one night where i cried laughing from this stupid gag, because he would sometimes just turn around and leave. i even made a joke that i'd play it the last time we worked together, and he would miss it even though he hated it. if anyone ever said the words "here we go" i automatically responded "one more time" and looked at him.

it kinda died off after a while. we stopped closing together when i got promoted to gm in training, and then altogether when i applied for and got a theater of my own. my boss threw me a going away party, and it was really bittersweet, but i was fine! that is, until brian made one of our inside jokes. i swear it occured to us at the same fucking moment that i'd forgotten to play here we go by NSYNC when we closed together three days prior. procedures had changed and we weren't required to count money together at the end of the night, so we were busy doing other things.

of all the things said to and about me in that meeting, that realization was what made me cry. coworkers of 5+ years wrote incredibly sweet things in a card. someone made a cake. we hung out for an hour. but that stupid joke made me cry because somewhere along the way we became real friends and annoying people is one of my love languages. he cried too, so i think it was equally impactful...

anyway now we play d&d together and before covid when i'd pick him up to carpool to his brother's house, i would always make sure that song was queued during the drive!

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 5

"DIVIDE AND CONQUER"

Or my own personal title for it

"LIES"

Notes by me

- MARTOUF MY LOVE

- that guy has one of those clown hand buzzers

- oh nvm its a gun

- jack saving that tokra lady hes so heroic I'm swooning

- okay lets be real for a sec that guy was crying and asking Jack to save him and he blew up and I know the writers hate me I know it

- ON THE OTHER HAND Daniel and martouf being in the same room brought up some horny thots again

- love the two women in the back examining each other. Powerful homoerotisism

- martouf being so sure his besties had nothing to do with the assassination

- Sam looks pretty 😌

- "do we or do we not have a xanax detector"

- jack still not trusting the tokra I mean hes valid they be shady as fuck all the time

- I HATE freias outfit . her tits are helicopter platforms

- P6Y 325 is where graham(guy who blew up) and his team went last

- so it can tell when theyre a secret agent but not what theyre mission was?

- bird costumes!!! So whoever made her a secret agent had Ra jaffa?

- weird that while the host talks the tokra symbiote just hangs onto the brain stem waiting for its turn like this

- I imagine the goaulds hold onto the brain stem and keep control and look something more like this

- my point: tokra look mildy cute and goaulds are gremlins

- ok this episode sucks people keep shooting themselves!!!!

- sg1 is next hehe this should be good

- theyre mission on PX9 757

- hardly a mission when they did a mutiny and left by themselves lol

- oh?? Deleted scenes from that ep??? Used in flashbacks????? Super cool love it

- LIES DETECTED

- oh shit when Jack and sam were alone I thought it was cut weird but I assumed it was just bc it was a mistake on the editing but ???? It might be a scene they filmed and then deleted to use later???? Thats cool

- freia has nipples for days

- IM SORRY WHAT IS this shit

- la chem means fuck in her language

- the PARASITE ON HER BRAIN STEM WANTS TO FUCK DANIEL

- the second kiss is unnecessary pls stop it

- "is there someone else to whom you are loyal?" AIFHDIDN SAM AODJDK

- the guard outside the door when she leaves his room : 👀

- "I have grown quite fond of you as well sam" I mean id fuck him

- why are all the tokra so goddamn horny btw????

- sweater!Daniel

- "she made a pass at me"

"Sam?"

Daniels first thought was Sam omg

- "apparently the snake likes you"

This conversation is going on repeat to help me sleep tonight

- daniel is SO uncomfortable

- "what?"

"....what?"

- "hey ive done the drugged out strapped to a bed thing" UH UH UHHHHH MORE INFORMATION PLEASE

- jack offering to do the dangerous procedure to benefit Sam this is it I can feel it

- why is the leader tokra a high school gym teacher

- daniel so worried about Jack he doesnt even care about the important meeting going on

- Sam having a fever dream about Jack leaving her akdnskdndnd I'm having a good time

- wait she knows they were lying about??? What???? About WHAT

- IN THE NICK OF TIME

- oh

- oh hoohohohohohoho ho ho oohhh

- yessssssssssss

- "oh that"

theyre in LOVE!!!!!!!!

- jack and Sam staring at each other with heart eyes was the cut scene????

- I knew it tho they be havin that lovers vibe

- otp

- "I didnt leave because id have rather died myself than lose carter"

"Why?"

"Because I care about her. Alot more than im supposed to."

- I mean I might has well just die now my life is complete #THEY

- we didnt get to see sams recollection of what happened!! Unfair

- stupid tokra need to uprade thier machine to figure out WHAT people are lying about btw

- "none of this has to leave this room"

"We're ok with that?"

Jack wants more 😞

- now everyone knows they been eyeing each other for years how embarrassing (sarcastic, that is super funny)

- MARTOUF???? NO Nonp no no pls no

- not my boy!!!!

- ok but Daniel seeing the gun and trying to calmly get martouf outa there

- they pepper shot my husband!!!

- ok but lantash can fix him right

- "Samantha?"

- well thats it I'm calling the cops this is the worst

- Sam was the one that shot the death ray :( she'll have to live with that jfc

- "I promise you his death will ultimately be a noble sacrifice"

- ok but for real who knows the writers location I just want to FUCKING talk

- the shot of everyone around him and Sam

- stargate killed my husband this show is now cancelled

~

Daniel jackson whump: pushed roughly to floor by martouf

Sam carter whump: heavily sedated, words slurring, emotional

Martouf whump: mind control, shot multiple times, death

BONUS jack Oniell whump: mentions having gone through drug withdrawal, emotional about Sam

🎶listening to Caught by Florence And The Machine🎶 bc Jack and sam love each other and im so happy

🎶listening to Don't Forget About Me by Cloves🎶 bc martouf is dead and I'm so depressed

[everysongineverykey]

i really fucking hate dr bashir i presume. like not only is it basically saying that julian’s parents were in the right because they were just “looking out for him” and because “they did it for his own good” and that julian’s feelings didnt matter, not only do they let bitchard bashir get away with emotionally abusing his son for his entire life just because he agrees to go to prison for two years so his “gift to the world” can keep on giving, they’re basically telling every shitty parent of an autistic child that it’s completely okay to send your kid to shock therapy or aba therapy or other horrible methods of “curing” them because ~you love them~ and ~you know what’s best for them~ like fuck you ds9 writers. fuck you. every time i watch it it takes everything inside me not to cry, because i’m autistic too, and all i got from dr bashir i presume (or, as i like to call it, 45 minutes of julian’s life being ruined because of something he couldn’t control) was that in the 24th fucking century, i’m still not safe from eugenics and shitty “autism parents”. if i were born in that time, my life could still be ruined because of ableist prejudice. star trek is supposed to show a better future for humanity, not this.

anyway the reason why i’m saying all this again is because i just watched it with my dad, who hadn’t seen it before, and when i said that the procedure julian underwent was eugenics and illegal, he deadass went “i had no idea the star trek universe had banned eugenics!”

yeah.

and he’s seen space seed and wrath of khan, too. he knows full well about the eugenics wars, and he still tried to defend julian’s shitty excuses for parents with the usual “but his mom didn’t mean it” and “julian’s better off now with the gifts he’s been given, he should be grateful”

and he really thinks, like julian’s parents, that some remedial schooling and the caring of an autistic, academically behind child would’ve been infinitely worse than risking ruining their son’s life because they decided he was a failure at age six.

richard and amsha bashir are the anti-vaxxers of the 24th century.

and i’m scared.

[thatssonanii]

My Baby (AU)

Family Ties

Three days later, King still hadn't gotten out the hospital. They had a few guests here and there but it was mostly them and King. He would play a little but he slept a lot.

The door opened and their parents walked in. Roman and Rezar went to hug their kids and kiss their grandson. Kandice and Tasha went to kiss him as well, glancing at their children.

"Hey Mama. Hey Mrs. Bekim." Haleigh said politely.

Tasha nodded at her.

"Marie, how are you?" Kandice asked with a straight face.

Ardian looked at his girlfriend then their mothers. "Hey, Ma, Mrs. Reigns."

"Hey son. How are you?"

"I'm ... we're fine," Haleigh said softly.

Roman was tired of Kandice being the way she was. She always asked him if he checked on Haleigh and King, if she said anything and all. Yet, she didn't want to talk to their daughter.

"I'm not dealin' with this no more," Roman said softly, "Talk to your children, the both of you and stop acting like children."

Kandice stared at her husband and Tasha waited on hers to say something and when he didn't she sighed hard.

Haleigh couldnt take it, her feelings were bubbling.

"What are yall really mad at us about? What is it?"

"The two of you had no business doing what you did. Then to not even be careful enough not to have a baby." Kandice said folding her arms. "You two were good kids, I'm just disappointed. We talked about this, it's like you weren't even listening to me, Marie. I told you I would get you birth control"

"How many times do you want us to apologize? We're sorry, Ma. We are but it was a mistake. We're still good kids, having a baby doesn't make us bad kids."

Tasha looked at both kids. "It doesn't make you bad kids but it makes you kids that don't think. We take care of yall and now you expect us to take care of King too. And that's not how this works."

"We didnt expect yall to take care of him we know he's our responsibility," Ardian said softly, "But we expected you to help."

"We didn't help you make him," Kandice spat quickly.

Haleigh looked down at her son trying not to cry. This was so pointless, they're not going to come around. Not now at least.

"Okay, we get it, Ma. We made him. At some point yall have to stop beating us up about this, we do it to ourselves enough. I didnt wanna be sixteen and pregnant, I wanna be cheering and dancing and everything but I can't and I accepted it."

Tasha rolled her eyes.

"You accepted it? What choice did you have? What choice did you and Ardian give yourselves? None."

Ardian and Haleigh sat quietly listening to their mothers go back and forth fussing at them. It was driving them both crazy. They were glad Kandice and Tasha were getting out but the headache was coming.

As their mothers were talking, Haleigh noticed that King's chest was rising and falling slower than normal. She rubbed his face then noticed he was starting to lose his color.

"Ardian," she called frantically. "He's breathing funny."

Frowning, Ardian stood to look at his son. As soon as he got ready to touch King, the heart monitor started going off. Roman. Ran out the room to get help while Rezar tried to pull both kids back from the infant. Roman came back with Dr. Delgado and a few nurses.

"He's not breathing," Dr. Delgado said loudly to the nurses, checking King.

Haleigh screamed loudly trying to stay by her baby, Rezar caught Ardian in his arms and pulled him out of the room at the nurses direction with Tasha behind him. Roman pulled Haleigh out also, Kandice's hand at Haleigh's back. Once they were in the hallway the kids found each other and hugged one another. Haleigh screamed into his chest.

"King is gonna be alright, Hae. Don't cry, just calm down and breathe," Kandice assured her daughter rubbing her back.

Haleigh pulled away from Ardian and frowned at her mama, tears coming down her face. "My baby wasn't breathing! I asked you for help! I begged you to help me with him but you wouldn't! You hate me that much that you denied my baby help!"

Roman pulled Haleigh back towards him, "Come on, Princess. King doesn't need you to stress yourself out. He needs you to be calm."

"Daddy, no," she yelled, "I've said I was sorry, over and over! But it's not enough for either of you! Y'all want us to suffer so bad because we embarrassed you but why make my baby suffer too? He didn't do anything to either of you!"

Both mothers felt like crap, they couldn't see pass their own feelings to see their children and how they hurt them. Ardian huffed, counting slowly to himself.

"This should make yall happy. Yall didnt want him anyway, right?"

Tasha frowned, "We love King, Ardian. We wouldn't want anything to happen to him. Ever. This hurts us as much as it hurts you and Haleigh."

"Right, we wouldn't wish this pain on you two or him."

"We've been taking care of him on our own for two months. We try hard but we don't know everything," Haleigh cried softly, "So we begged you and Mrs. Bekim to help us. Y'all ignored us, y'all were rude yo us, y'all threw stuff in our face and we took it. We're not taking it anymore, we don't want or need help from either of you anymore."

Ardian put his arm around Haleigh and walked her towards King's doctor, who was coming out of the room.

"You wanna call your parents over?" She asked quickly.

Ardian looked back at them briefly and shook his head. "No. You can tell us. We're his parents."

"Okay well good news is that he's gonna be okay. He has some fluid in his lungs and between the lung and chest cavity. It was making it difficult for him to breathe."

Haleigh held on to her boyfriend crying softly.

"Bad news?" Ardian asked.

"We're going to try antibiotics first but if that doesn't work we're going to have to drain the fluid so it doesn't get infected."

"Drain it how?" Haleigh sniffed.

"A chest tube or a long needle. Either option, he'll be put to sleep and be very comfortable. It'll be a quick procedure."

Ardian nodded and wiped his face, "Okay um can we go back in with him?"

"You can. The nurses are finishing up with him. He'll sleep for most of the day so don't be alarmed, it's the antibiotics. And he'll have several bowel movements. But please, call for a nurse if you think something is wrong."

"Thank you, Dr. Delgado. Can you make sure no guests come in the room for the rest of the day? We just wanna be alone with our baby."

Dr. Delgado looked at their parents for a second, "Of course. I'll let it be known."

Ardian and Haleigh disappeared into their baby's room, prompting their parents to approach the room only to be stopped by the doctor.

"They asked that no one else be allowed into the room today. Check back tomorrow."

"We were just in there with them. We're family," Kandice said frowning slightly.

"I know but they don't want anyone on and I have to respect that." Tasha laughed to herself and tried to go around the doctor but was stopped again. "You cannot go in, you can check back tomorrow. If you try again, I'll call security and they'll escort you out."

Roman clenched his jaw. Kandice and Tasha not being able to handle their emotions were causing him to not be apart from his kids and grandkid.

"Call security? Those are our kids! We're their mothers!" Tasha yelled.

"Yeah but neither of you acted like it" Rezar added. "Let's go, Tasha. Give them their privacy."

"That's how King got here in the first place!"

"Tasha, stop! Let's go," Rezar growled walking in front of her.

Roman glanced at his wife and nodded towards the elevator before walking off.

[tumblunni]

I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.

It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something

ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(

Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme

Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!

I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!

So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.

And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(

Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(

And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(

Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!

So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.

BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...

Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.

I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*

So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one

[bullet-proofgirlscouts]

JiminXReader - In One Week, Part  - 9

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5; Part 6; Part 7; Part 8;

Disclaimer: Angst.

“Taehyung,” Jimin called out desperately, “Is she ok?”

“Of course, she’s not ok Jimin.” he replied, his voice soft and pained, “Her grandfather passed away.”

Time seemed to stop. Jimin’s eyes widened, a sharp pang going through his heart. His stomach lurched, making him nauseous. He felt dizzy.

“What?” he gasped out.

Taehyung opened his mouth, about to reply, before he was stopped.

“Tae.” Yoongi called out, now also getting out of the car. He shut the door harshly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Go get her wallet, i’ll keep him company.”

The younger nodded, patting Jimin’s shoulder, before walking towards the house. As soon as Taehyung was in, Yoongi took quick strides towards Jimin, a stone cold expression etched on his face. “What do you want Jimin?” he said, standing in front of him. “What-I-how-” “Obviously, she cant talk to you right now, so i’ll pass on your message if you’d like.”

Jimin looked up at him, trying to fight the lump in his throat at the news, “Ugh, no, it’s fine. It’s something I need to tell her myself- woah!” Suddenly, out of nowhere, Yoongi grabbed Jimin's collar with both hands, pulling him forwards, a dangerous look in his eyes. ““You listen to me, Park Jimin.” Yoongi said, voice deep, “She’s already going through alot of shit and the last thing she needs is you coming and making things even more difficult to handle. Why are you here?” Jimin gulped, a bit scared, “I really am not comfortable talking about this, i’ll just come back later.” “No you won’t.” Yoongi threatened, “Just wait for her to come back to University, then tell her whatever it is you’re here to say. Bet it’s not as important as you think it is.”

That made Jimin frown, getting a bit annoyed, “It is important. I’m going to see her, you can't stop me.” “I’ll be the judge of that.” Yoongi hissed, his grip on Jimin tightening, “I’m giving you one more shot, why are you here?” Jimin wasn't going to back down.

“Because i’m in love with her.”

Yoongi froze, eyes widened, “What did you say?” “I came here...to tell her I have feelings for her.” “Didnt you reject her last week?” Jimin frowned at that but brushed it off. Of course she would tell her best friend about what happened. “Yes, I did. And in that one week, I was miserable without her. I didn't realise it then, but i do now.”

“...I swear if you’re looking at her as a source of entertainment-”

“I’m not!” Jimin said, pushing Yoongi’s hands off of him, “Of course i’m not, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care. I was worried sick about her, it was killing me!”

Yoongi simply glared at him for a few seconds before nodding, “Ok, ok.” he said with a sigh, “but you deal with this in your own time, don't tell her now. She’s going through some stuff, so just...be with her, as her friend.”

Jimin nodded, “Ok.” he agreed.

“...You’re a good guy Jimin.” Yoongi said, “but you better be serious about this or i’m going to beat you so hard they won't be able to tell your face apart from your ass.”

“...Good to know.” Jimin said. Then, because he felt like it, Jimin leaned forward and hugged the older guy, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Yoongi stiffened, clearly shocked.

“I’m sorry.” Jimin said, “This must be taking a toll on you too. She told me how close you all were with him.”

Yoongi sighed, bringing his hand up to pat Jimin’s back, “Thanks kid.”

~~~

Your Grandfather died of a heart attack on Saturday morning.

You had gotten out of bed, gone to the bathroom, brushed your teeth, took a shower, changed into your clothes and gone out the room. You made your way to the living room when you saw him, lying down on the ground, his neck veins popping, face red. Not breathing.

You cried out, yelling and panicking as you ran towards his body, shaking his shoulders. You called out to him, over and over, your tears pouring down your face as you tried not to choke. You barely managed to type the number of the ambulance on your phone due to your trembling fingers. Crying out what was happening and giving them the address, the ambulance was on their way. They had told you to not panic, instructing you to keep your door open as you had to do CPR. But it was too late.

The ambulance had arrived ten minutes after you had called to find you still pumping his chest, tired and weak, choking on your tears. They had taken both of you to the hospital, even though there was nothing that could be done to help him. He suffered from a heart attack at five in the morning and died shortly after, the doctors said, more than an hour before you woke up. His body was in one of the rooms, covered head to toe in a white sheet as you sat outside, staring blankly at the closed doors in front of you. The doctors talked to you for a bit, informing you of the details and asked you a few questions as well. They were kind. And careful. And genuinely upset over the loss of a life. Or over the fact that you were there to witness it. Either way, they were kind yet straightforward, and you appreciated it. Not at that moment, but later.

Your parents were called and informed of the news. They were currently in Japan for a business meeting, but they cancelled all plans and booked the fastest plane ticket back home. Which would take another two days. Your father asked you not to worry about the procedures. “I have the doctor's number as well as the officials,” he said through his tears, “I’ll take care of the legal stuff and the funeral, you leave it to me.”

He told you to go over to a friend’s house and stay there for a while, not wanting you to be alone. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, my baby.” Your mother consoled over the phone, “We’ll get there as soon as possible. But until then I need you to be strong for me, ok?”

“Ok…”

“Good girl. This is going to be difficult baby, but we’ll get through this together.” You didn’t know how long you were at the hospital. The whole day went by in a blur with you having to sign documents and produce files of identity, answering various questions about your grandfather’s medical history, having to answer whether your family wanted him cremated or buried. By the end of it all, it was already nighttime.

You had to leave.

But go where? There’s no way you’re going home, so what were you going to do?

You could go to a friend’s house, but you didn’t want to. You wanted to be alone even though logic told you to surround yourself with people and not deal with this alone. But sometimes logic can go screw itself. So, you left the hospital with nothing but your phone, and walked. Just walked. You walked around the whole town, aimlessly, crossing by the park (you played on the swing for a good hour and a half, simply staring around you and up at the stars) the beach, (you walked across the whole stretch of sand, admiring how beautiful the water looked underneath the moonlight) the highway, (you never realized how different things looked when it was empty and peaceful) eventually, you didn’t know where you were.

You pulled out your phone and scanned through the number of missed calls. Your parents had called you multiple times, there were several calls from the boys as well, not knowing what had happened. How could they? Besides your parents, you hadn’t talked to anyone.

You had to call someone, tell them what happened, maybe tell them to come find you, but you couldn’t do it. You knew you were being selfish. If something like this had happened to your friends you would want them to call you, you thought, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

You just wanted to be alone.

So you turned around and started to walk back the several hours it took for you to reach the point where you were.

Time flew by until the sky slowly turned from an inky black to a soft blue.

The sun was rising. You had spent the whole night wandering around.

You cursed under your breath. None of this felt real.

You were still a bit lost, but there were certain buildings and landmarks that you recognized, so you weren’t totally hopeless.

You started walking again, along the footpath when your body gave up and your legs crumbled beneath you. You fell on your side with a thud, something cracking in your pocket. Groaning, you pulled out your phone that had taken the damage and started at the cracked screen. You tried turning it on, but it wouldn’t work. It was broken.

“Great,” you muttered, “Just great.” You threw it beside you in frustration. Grunting in pain, your attention was diverted back to why you fell in the first place. You pulled your shoes off, grimacing at how red and veined your feet were. Luckily, you had time before the streets started getting crowded so you could rest your aching feet. Not like you could walk even if you wanted to.

So, you sat, cross-legged, watching the sky turn completely bright blue. It was beautiful.

Minutes passed by until you heard a familiar sound. An engine. Of a bike.

Oh shit. You thought.

Pouting, you waited until the bike came to a halt besides you, not even needing to look up to confirm who it was. You already knew.

“Why did I have to hear this from your parents rather than from you?”

“Because I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone and isolated and…”

“And you think that’s a good idea?”

“Why not?” You yelled, “What’s so wrong in me having time to myself, away from nosy people like you!” You immediately regretted saying that, but you swallowed your apology. You wanted to be angry.

“The fact that you called me of all people, nosy…that proves you’re not ok.” Yoongi said, smirking.

You felt tears well up in your eyes. Groaning, you put your face in your hands, trying your best to not cry.

“...Just leave me alone,Yoongi.” You said, your voice slightly muffled.

“No, not yet.” he said, “I’m taking you home.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Not your home, my home. The others are worried sick, they’re waiting for you. Jin’s made breakfast cause we’re pretty sure you haven't eaten anything.”

You had a chocolate bar or two yesterday and that was pretty much it.

Groaning, you looked up and Suga, glaring at him through your red rimmed, watery eyes.

“Why?” You asked, staring right at him, “Why do you always do this? Why do you care so much when I say I don’t need you to?”

“Because I know it’s not true,” Suga stared right back at you, not blinking, “because you’d do the same for me,” He said, firmly, “and because I love you. Now come on, the others are waiting for you.”

~~~

Yoongi ended up driving you to his place, despite your objections.

“They’re worried to death,” he said as he rode his bike, “You’re not going anywhere until you talk to them.”

Frowning, you decided not to argue anymore, knowing it won't get you anywhere. It wasn't that you didn't want to see them...it’s just that you didn't want to have to explain yourself. You caused so much trouble, making them worry about you, you just didn't have the heart, nor the energy, to really face them. But, it was happening and you had no idea what to expect.

Finally, the two of you reached the house and were standing in front of the door. Yoongi unlocked it and briskly walked in, followed by you. Immediately, you noticed the pairs of shoes that were taken off, two extra ones that you recognized. Slowly you raised your eyes off the ground and were met with the stern face of Seokjin who was standing right in front of you. Taehyung and Namjoon were sitting on the couch and jumped to their feet when you entered the room, a tense looks on their face. Yoongi simply walked to the kitchen, not wanting to be involved.  

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” Namjoon asked. You simply shook your head in response.

“Your parents called me last night,” Jin said, his arms crossed, “they were worried because you weren't answering your phone. They asked me if you were with me and I told them you were, but that you were sleeping so that they wouldn't worry. Now, you owe us an explanation. Why did Yoongi have to pick you up in the middle of the street at four in the morning?”

“How did you find me anyways?” you said, the question directed towards the said man. He simply gave you a glare, warning you to take this seriously.

Grumbling, you looked away. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, “I didn't mean to make you guys worry…I just...wanted to be alone.”

“Have you talked about this? To anybody?” Jin asked, and once again, you simply shook your head.

Sighing, Jin quickly grabbed your arm and dragged you forwards, enveloping you in a tight, protective embrace. You didn't realize how badly you needed a hug until Jin did it. A warmth spread through your body, his strong arms pushing you further into his sturdy chest, his cheek pressed up against the top of your head.

“You can't run from this,” he said, his voice soft, “i’m sorry, but you need to deal with it.”

Suddenly, everything came crashing down on you.

Tears filled your eyes at the reality of it all. Your Grandfather was dead. The man who raised you, cared for you, cherished you, loved you more than he loved anyone else, he was gone...and there was nothing that could change that. No longer would he send you off to university, with a smile on his face, no longer would that same, bright smile greet you when you came back home. No more movie nights, no more Sunday mornings when you made breakfast together, no more consolations when you would wake him up in the middle of the night due to nightmares, no more walks along the park, no more late night stories where he would tell you about his youth, no more celebrations when it was your birthday, no more laughing over your embarrassing baby pictures, no longer will the boys come over and have hour long conversations with him, making you realize how much you love them all,

No more him.

And that broke you.

Tears poured out of your eyes, your shoulders shaking, heaving heavily as you cried into Jin’s shirt. Your arms reached around him, grasping onto his shirt like your life depended on it, your nails digging into it. Your cries turned louder as you sobbed and choked on your tears, eventually evolving into screams. Jin held you through the whole thing, not complaining about you ruining his shirt or your nails digging into his skin. He was soon joined by Taehyung who went behind you and hugged you as well. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into your ear, the only one of them all who knew exactly what you were going through, “but the pain will pass, I promise.”

~~~

Jimin sat on the sidewalk, hugging his knees, his head bent. People who walked by looked on in concern over the mop of orange hair, but left him alone anyway.

He couldn’t believe it. He had the pleasure of meeting the man once and he was genuinely the nicest person he’d ever met.

And the way she talked about her grandfather…

“Jimin?” a voice called out.

The said man looked up, eyes wide as he saw her. She seemed equally as startled by the situation, clearly never expecting Jimin to come to her house.

She was completely dressed in black with a bouquet of flowers in her hands. Just back from visiting her grandfather’s grave.

Jimin immediately jumped to his feet, pausing for a second before walking forward, taking long, fast strides.

She took a few steps back on instinct, her eyes never leaving his.

“Sorry I didn’t call.” She said, her voice soft “I ended up breaking my phone and I didn’t know your number by-heart and I didn’t want to go to the university and I know that isn’t fair but I-”

Jimin reached out and quickly pulled her into a hug, cutting her off. His arms wrapped around her shoulders tightly. Pushing her into him as he squeezed her with as much strength as he could muster (without hurting her of course). Nuzzling his face into the nape of her neck, he felt her freeze for a second, before an arm came to pat his back. Usually Jimin would stop hugging a person once he felt ‘the pat’, but he didn’t care now. He simply held her tighter.

Her face was nuzzled into his shoulder, her breath slightly tickling him. Slowly, her arms decided to wrap around him too, burying herself further into his warmth, and they held each other.

Finally, she brought her hands to his waist and pushed slightly. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, Jimin let go (regretfully).

A few seconds passed before he cupped her face in his hands softly, thumbs wiping the tears that had fallen, and quickly leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to her forehead.

“I’m so sorry…” he said, once he parted. He didn’t know what else to say.

He felt her choke a bit underneath him before she replied, “Thank you.”

And before he knew it, her arms wrapped around him again, wanting another hug.

~~~

[theswampghost]

I saw Les Mis!!!!

Here’s how it went:

First off, everyone was literally so fantastic!! There wasn’t a weak link in the entire cast

Shout out to the guy who played Grantaire he was lit and did not disappoint (although he could have stared longingly at E more)

Every single song was more intense and yet softer at the same time than the cast recording

K so

Javert and Valjean were both bomb and the Bishop was a rlly good portrayal he was very soft and kind

Fantine was vv soft

She also sang ALL of I Dreamed A Dream in her lower register like a boss

And the line “But the tigers come at night with their voices soft as thunder” she sang it so sweet and soft idk it was just a rlly nice effect

Whenever there was an intense solo song (I dreamed a Dream, what have I done) the stage was cleared of all sets. Idk if that’s common procedure but the whole stage was just bare bones and it made the song more... real? Emotional? Idk I cried

I didn’t cry the whole first act!!! Yay me

Madame Thénardier had a kind of nasally voice and I thought she would be irritating but nOPE she was phenomenal

Master of the House was hilarious

Cosette and Valjean being family makes my heart warm it was beautiful he was dancing around w her onstage

Gavroche

gAVROCHE

The pure lil boi he was so great

I def cried

All the ABC were fantastic!! Especially Ferre I didn’t recognize him at first bc he didn’t have glasses but he was greatttt

Grantaire was so so so so SO good! I was watching him the whole time he was v sarcastic but kind at the same time

They cut the end of Do You Hear the People Sing for some reason

It was bc that wasn’t the end of Act I they ended it w One Day More idk

Side note: I just kinda glanced at him but the Montparnasse was good

Ep and Cosette were rlly good and so was Marius

A Heart Full Of Love was actually rlly pure??? Usually I despise that song but they kinda played it up and made it funny and awkward and cute it was nice

Act 2 opened w On My Own and Ep (like fantine) belted everything??? What a queen

I dIDNT MENTION THIS EARLIER BUT R AND GAV WERE GLUED TO EACH OTHER’S SIDES THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS PURE

Little fall of rain was rlly good, I didn’t cry but one thing that hit me hard was that Gav was watching and about halfway through he turned around was just clutching R the whole time and lowkey crying it hurt me

Drink With Me hurt a lot

After R taunts E in Drink W Me he like went over to sulk on the side of the stage but then Gav came over and they were just hugging and they friggin fell asleep holding hands adjxndkjdsksjdkd

I burst into sobs when Gav died

Literally I was crying so hard to the point where it was disruptive to the people around me

And yknow how I think it’s Courf who’s supposed to scream when Gav dies? It was Grantaire. (At this point I was literally shaking I was crying so hard)

And then of course all of the ABC has to go and die so I just started crying harder

They didn’t go in slow-mo which almost made it worse

It was so fast and they were just being picked off left and right

Whenever one of them got shot they would shine a spotlight on them

I think E was the first to die? Idk but R was last and the last thing he did before he got shot was he held up his bottle (it almost looked like he was going to try to climb over to where E was) idk but he held his bottle and then collapsed

It hurt

I managed to get it back together by Javert’s suicide

Which was rlly good ugh all the effects were amazing

And then empty chairs at empty tables came along

I was good for the first half but then the ABC came out again and I started sobbing again (:

And I just sobbed all the way through to the end

Especially when everyone came out and R was holding Gav’s hand

OK BUT the first person to emerge when everyone came out during finale was Bishop Myriel and Valjean saw him and he started beaming and they hugged I cried

Unnghhh honestly it was just so amazing especially for a first time seeing it hdkdjdjdkfjdjdlasjdl

But yeah that’s my experience!! I also saw a bunch of my theatre friends there for no reason lmao

[amandahalligan]

For those who asked or care. I was admitted to the hospital , surgical floor. (@ryan.halligan.71 hasn't driven me crazy enough to be in psych ward...yet). This all started yesterday. I didnt feel well all day but pushed it off as ... ovaries being ass hats, bariatric surg, workout too hard, headache... something normal. Then at 3am this morning I woke in the most pain I've had in LONG time ... which had me sick to my stomach, very nauseated, runny {TMI} stools which were blk in color, pounding headache and sweating thru everything. No fever. Followed by spells of freezing. But what makes matters worse, I had the sleeve done. This keeps you from throwing up in some people. I haven't been sick since surgery so had forgotten that. I am one of those people. I dry heaved so much I think I worked my abs out enough for 6 months lol jk Needless to say, hubs was woke by my 2 hour painful suffering session. (I guess I like to torture myself.) I didn't wanna be that one person who went to ER (worked in ER and people come in for the most silly things.) and came out with Dx of constipation. Lol so I refused until ryan got "stern" and made me come in. Kudos to him... he saw me at one of my worst, rubbed my back here n there, got me anything we could think of to make matters better. He was a rock star. But no one tell him....he's cocky enough on his own. So... it ended there when I hurt so bad I was shaking, dry heaving, crying (this is a sign, in case u don't know we well I very rarely cry) and could not get comfy. Ryan then dressed me and gave me 2 options as I laid on the floor... (yes ,the floor. Its cold and felt great!) 1. Get in truck. 2. I'm calling 911. Needless to say ... he helped me to the truck. I have been thru many tests. And they did admit me. I am currently NPO for possible procedure tomorrow. All labs normal. Prayers are appreciated. TIA. https://www.instagram.com/p/CRpeMd8p_Kd/?utm_medium=tumblr

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So this is a good video with lots of details and it should help explain why and how these officers are arrested.

This goes back to George Floyd. Remember i said it didn't matter who and what George Floyd had done -- when those officers put on their uniforms and went to him as cops and purposely killed him in that manner it changed things

Every time I write about how we have specific requirements people have in their death for their criminal activity in lui of prison I write how we have specific people allowed to do it.

Now some demanded they be killed by cops. And i refused that in excepting where they "rat" out their cop friends or up to 4 regular friends or co-workers and we set and/or allow it to occur that way. And i stipulated that they must be off duty if they were going to do anything for the Earth. Off duty cops only. And to which a reluctant agreement and/or an immediate acceptance did occur. And they did rat out their friends already there. So that was in their favor so they accepted off duty out of uniform officers. I said that they could like be listening to the police scanner and then go on their own to a crime in place and then be unidentified in news articles. Just as their clothing did not identify them, the news media and other officers would not identify them either.

We had a whole rule sheet. Which we all 100% agreed to. African American. Caucasian. Hispanic. Latino. Zulululu. Tribeca. Original human. And more. It wasn't a just three or four people we had over 100 people with each and every minority race accept at least twice with 2 different individuals. I worked with the meanest. Moat stubborn and most dictatorial. Then others read over the document I typed as we talked and signed it on approval. 254 people. 10 non criminals signed off. 34% African American criminal.

Because we scheduled on the Black Lives Matter, we wanted a majority of African American of mixed alien and evil human to have their say. They will add the document onto this post. And likely blur the signatures for privacy.

This was a Middle man. He wasn't sure if he wanted to have his family suffer through jail time and all that for his sanity to know he's loved or cut and dry have it over for them immediately and them.

So they signed another form where it was not like the other which was just sign random like a year book. But in a list. At that time those who were undecided could be dismissed if they signed onto one or the other is fine whatever is Destiny is. Or if they were firm. Some like the one whom was hung stayed because he was one of the ones who fought for procedure for the criminals. Then we brought more People in to have their voices on other subjects.

So they were grouped as to how and why. Then at the end we emailed and said this is all we have. Your last time to vote is now. And so if they changed it, then they were taken single and asked why or did they want an option mix so it was a mystery zzz

George Floyd was there and he did rat out his police he was working with and we told him because they were police it was our choice. And we would not ever say he told.

George Floyd then brought over Rayshard and said he had death questions and that was all

And I said "well what are you doing George?! Don't mix him up! He was fine! Hes a strong good one"

"You know. You're so weird you give us love and support although you hate us" George Floyd replied. I didn't know what to say. I did. And it hurt my chest and it was exhausting and literally made me sick. But I still felt it was the right thing to do. But they broke my heart. I did give them all 100% of my love. And it nearly killed me. And I was grateful he noticed. I was killing myself for them and he knew. And he cared about that.

"You know I feel real When I've cared about you and well all the others, too. And you feel that? I've given you all my love as a friend as best i could. My tolerance and patience and I just want to say thank you that you noticed"

He blushed and he admitted that he wanted to get out of the life. And George Floyd, did.

In 2008. I told him, "George Floyd, talk to me. I have a feeling. I see you will die anyway because you're in a dangerous position. So if you are killed while trying to get clean, what do you want me to do for you?"

He was not thrilled and his head spun "by who?"

"Cops. Or someone you think is family. I see not a knife but a manual killing. Like its not an auto like gun But hand to hand but it's fast and you suffer..." I lowered my eyes from his beautiful face and looked down at my laptop key board... "Less" and I kept my head bowed to breathe. To not cry. To keep myself sane and we'll balanced. Then I took a deep breath. And tuned to my left where my officials were "hey I have a problem. He's going to be killed when he's innocent"

George Floyd asked for a riot. All i could tell him was it was a dark and suffocating but fast and nearly painless death. "Almost relaxing when you pass. There's something wrong with you isnt there? See now i actually thought you were a CIA agent sitting over there like under cover. But you die. I am feeling it now --- every thing is too wild inside of you, uncontrolled. Like you're...... Restless for lack of a better word. Here come sit next to me"

"But that's your daughter's chair"

"She will come to me. Sit in my lap if she doesnt like you"

"Is this a test?"

"No i want to talk to you and you're too tall and it's hurting my neck to look up at you"

"Oh it's too tall!"

They explained the bone structure in my neck and how then it had been broken 66 times and it was painful. He got nervous. I let him settle himself.

"So what is it you want to talk to me about"

"Well you meddle ... No... You progress.. What im talking to you. I see you lurking over the lists and talking to everyone that passes and I'm wondering how they're taking it"

"Oh its good. It's good. Can i go now? I feel like I'm in the principal's office"

My daughter and Declan came preventing his escape. And my daughter accepted him, gave him a hug and sat on his long thigh

"That's not Snoop, you know that?!" I asked her

"Oh mommy you're so silly. I know snoop and this isn't"

She talked to him and judged him as "nice"

"So is it money that you're doing your life like this?"

"Oh what? Yeah" tears came from his eyes. "What's more is I didn't know what to do with myself. I was angry at the world. And i just.. Just.. Made a mistake. But I'm ready to admit to it and own up to it and so is he. But he won't stop, he told me. But i will. I'm thinking and that's what i been telling all them folks, the bros, "im stopping. You with me?" And oh woah. I feel so much better i was so nervous like what is with me and now i feel just a release! Thank you for caring about me"

He reminded me of Jesse James.

"What is your least way you want to die?"

"Oh by cop.I signed up for hanging because I knew you didn't want to and you'd check my file and hopefully then see I was worth living"

I felt this emotional turbine inside of me. A mix of extreme joy and sadness because I knew the world wouldn't work out for him but he was so simply amazing and Gracious and just one beautiful soul. And I told him so. Crying then laughing.

So with him we worked out, the last and worst death to be written in yellow. Then a second option, for I don't mind mystery in purple or pink. And the main option in black or blue.

The worst deaths were to be kept secret. In a seperate locked file that no one has access to but tree Which could release it for revenge sake.

I've felt George Floyd around me a lot since his death.

Rayshand Brooks signed on the same line both yellow and purple. For death by cop.

George Floyd wasn't supposed to die at all.

Rayshand. Was. So those that die in manner they dont want but were scheduled to die, we burn one of my buildings. We water the areas and business around the building we will burn before lighting the fire.

The reason why they're looking for our arson in Atlanta for Wendy's is because she didn't water and it was next to a gas station. And it was on her list of things to do. So the news report stating the 10k award to find her means that she will not be paid for that nights activity because the area around must be watered especially at a gas station. She didn't when push the emergency stop button at the station which is recommended if watering cannot be done. All she did was set the fire and it was a great fire. But she didnt do any other protocol. Only after 5 hours did she admit to not following safety practices. Another girl went and checked the gas station after the fire started and asked the cashier what to do and they decided together to push the emergency stop button and then water the areas around the pumps and in the parking lot with a hose.

It doesn't matter before or after but "recommended steps" means you're gonna recommend I pay you to do shit. I can't order you to do shit that is somewhat illegal to my own mind I can't ask someone to break the law. So all my orders are "recommendations" if you do one thing on the list, you do them all.

It was a $12k payout for the "arson and all the recommendations" it's an a la carte list, all jobs are. Each job pays the # at the end.

#1. Arson

#2. Water 6

#3. press emergency stop 4

#4. stick around to not observe but keep people safe 2

That was the order for Wendy's.

Class how much do we pay for arson? Nothing. The public finds it offensive and illegal.

Watering pays $6,000 if there's 10 people it depends on how much they do. All ten may get the full $6,000 and some may not if they were just standing by to be second hand water for emergency. Then it's at least $2k I have it all rigid and perfected but they pay how they do. Like sometimes you'll water but then someone else will come and you gotta pee and you get adhd and go talk to bystanders and go talk to cops and go drive in the car and check the hood. So you began watering with 2 others and a 4th came up. So you get $2k for 10 minutes plus then other pay. ESPECIALLY since it wasn't your job. CIA only.

Pressing the emergency stop. You can do that on your own then you must notify the gas station attendant of the danger they are in so they may flee (which was written in details) it pays $4,000 also you have to block the driveway to stop cars from entering. Using wet floor signs or traffic cones or water buckets for windshield cleaning what ever is available. I secretly then give businesses a GIFT if we have to close them and i label it under some kind of just good business neighborhood gift. For loss of income during our insanity. Which in this case is $10k for the gas station

Now the Wendy's burned so well due to the fuel inside. And this girl didn't have anyone to clear the Wendy's of financial records or goods. Computers and other Shit. I assumed she did.

The furniture inside should been removed due to vivid and it being a potential burn site. Nothing should,remained but the kitchen. The food in this case could been taken out as well. All you have to do is your jobs.

But whatever. People aren't thinking.

I didn't understand so much why the Mayor was so PISSED because i have a different view and job. And so now I see. Which we haven't got to that point yet.

Im going to continue on fire danger.

Wendys is full of oil. Which the storage oil for future use should be removed. As well as bread and vegetables and so on. What the fuck is the point to burn a big ole building of a restaurant if you're not gonna serve vegetable and cheese sandwiches in the parking lot while watching it burn?

A BBQ without the meat! A roast without the marshmallows!

Oil can be given to other fast food restaurants. Idc what i don't want is containers of oil exploding. Usually they're in plastic so they melt so its not a major issue but it needs to be checked.

Our CIA are given a key and the alarm pass code so they have time and ability to be very cautious in what is left inside.

This one did a "stick up" no hostages and lit the fire with the workers still inside. Waving a gun around

Protocol is waving a badge "this restaurant is now closed due to the proximity of the crime scene"

So we have to pay those particular employees for trauma now.

Which is coming 100% out of whoever told her not to do that shit. That she's supposed to do, as well as whatever I decide to pay her due to apparently now I hear some Jack ass running scores and thinking they know more than me. And since she code red at the store were going to evaluate what she was thinking.

And so I will continue. The oil baskets must remain uncovered and open to prevent explosions.

They can be drained to the floor but as long as they're open they don't have to be drained.

And there's a lot done for safety because of the potential for explosions.

So the point is that its an honor. Its lighting a torch. Like the statue of liberty for a bad example.

I asked George because some people walking by twisted my heart. I asked him to help me clarify. Because he would get nervous like. Antsy. So those particular people wanted to be good but they had blockages to prevent them. Deep psychological issues that stopped them.

So I asked for them to be honest and use the yellow.

This is how Mr Brooks took all his deaths and wrote his name on the topic death lists in yellow next to his colors.

It was about more money. But they had such conflict within themselves.

We had my daughter to verify character, i get so busy i like a clear mind to verify.

So like Mr Brooks was confirmed nice. "I don't like what you do but I hope you get better" Declan said and gave him a hug around his neck.

My mouth dropped open.

So our burning of buildings symbolizes the mental hell these people suffered and we continue in hope and prayer for their souls to be set free by then making a community park with freedom, free fresh food and so on.

"Freedom Parks, Miss Rosa Parks" may they find a goal worth suffering for.

And not suffering for money.

Its an extremely spiritual thing.

Its a movement like non other that has ever existed.

We got permission from most governors. When that didn't allow, we went to mayors and city council. To get permits and permission.

For Atlanta they blocked the fire truck's traffic.

I prefer fire truck on sight for community development. The sight of a fireman watering down the area around the burn site -- were not firemen we dont know how to put out a fire.

So protocol. Is watering the infrastructure around,the fire. Talk to by standers and make a community effort in being available and around and there for the community

Every now and again a certain type of not normally used full force blast to show the fire if sprayed directly (in that manner) will make the fire jump and burn higher. To show they're not stupid.

Because me? I'd be all wtf? Put the fire out!!!!

So there's a traditional way since the Black Panthers movement that it's done.

And so fire men are supposed to say "we're letting it burn out" if people ask "because it's safer" from me -.- muhaha.

Then I REALLY like firemen to let people try on and check out their fire gear and explain what happens and how they save people from burning buildings and stuff like that.

Usually i have a low key know it all lurking so he can help explain.

Its like a little carnival full of carnage.

Free food behind the fire truck and the firemen talking to people and "showing off" and so on.

That is what is supposed to happen.

We did that with black Panthers in NYC and so on. But we were extremely careful. 2 or more streets away we had a full street of vendors with food trucks and free food and drinks and some selling things very cheap like me and the shirts and candy and cokes.

Water was always free on fire nights. I was out even id the fires were not burning. And usually it was an abandoned building that wasn't fixable and wasn't historic and we built city parks. Playground mostly. And cashew trees. Nut as oppose to fruit trees Bec they're less messy than rotting fruit on the playground floor.

Sometimes white supremacy burned the buildings and then I would buy them.

That is how it started. The white supremacy began burning a building I just bought for apartments. But it burned too fast to save. I was devastated

I knew the only way to beat them was join them. Besides physically beating them in the street

But if a fire was burning they were happy. Didn't matter who started it they took credit.

Our buildings are death specific. And not many. Mostly for black men that are killed and killed by police in uniform or some how on the yellow

BUT it is A Specific Type of Person we burn for. And we burn to release their Hell. "The building is in inferno to represent Hell. Keep it out of your mind and soul and it will stay out of your life if you let it"

Then we put a Freedom Park that's community based and community benefiting to show them what they could done with the Hell on thier mind as opposed to what they did do.

Now simply Mr. Baker requested incarceration as opposed to death. He thought he could change in prison. Unfortunately he ran out of time.

Now for the officers being charged with homicide. The officers were in uniform.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

A CIA Agent could been requested

We could had a sniper. We could had one getin the car with Mr Baker and kidnap him.

What I saw was the police intervene as showing they had set him up and the kidnapping wouldn't go through because he was a set up.

It could been done in secret.

What happened was IN UNIFORM after being shot, laying down he was kicked in the head then his shoulder stood on. That is what CIA is allowed to do, not regular police men in uniform

That's why they're being arrested

Simply.

As I've ranted on, CIA has extreme protocol.

Police do as well

I fire CIA, sometimes kill.

Police must be held accountable as well.

This particular girl who started the fire will not be paid. She got cash register and safe money which is supposed to be turned in.

So we will see how far she wants to take this not following rules business

Because we don't slap on the wrist this day and age.

I'll have her ass turned in myself and tell the agency to keep the 10k award.

[sherereadssthemanuscript]

The Past is Beyond Our Control

#ChoicesCreates Round 21, Prompt was - What if…

Book: Endless Summer

Rating: M (Death, Accidental self harm, PTSD, Sensitive themes)

Genre: Angst

Pairings: Jake x MC (Taylor), Grace x Aleister, Zahra x Craig, Diego x Varyyn, Sean x Michelle 

Words: ~2000

Summary: What if… two words people often think of when they know… their alternate decisions could affect the outcomes of certain situations… Alas, The Butterfly Effect is unstoppable just like time itself. We can only learn to cope and move on.

A/N: WOW. we have been doing this without fail for 21 weeks, I couldn’t be more impressed @hollyashton , this week’s host is @catsrtheboss !! If anyone noticed this title is a line from Until Dawn… don’t tell Sony I don’t want to be sued… anyway this fic is heavy stuff, very angsty, actually, nothing but angst and sadness but enjoy nonetheless haha. Also since ES is in itself incomplete some scenarios were made up by me, some idols prophecy happened, some didn’t , just a head up!

Grace

It’s been 2 months since they were rescued from La Huerta… not all of them survived and not all the bodies were recovered…

Grace’s mom was desperate to get her usually cheery and curious daughter back… 

“Grace Tamara Hall…” the middle aged woman read off of her patient’s medical report. Her thick glasses positioned comfortably on her nose.

“Not gonna lie, I was honored when Blaire Hall chose me to be your psychiatrist, she cares about your well being a lot, sweetie”

Grace snorted knowingly, never meeting the doctor’s eyes. The doctor sighed flipping through the pages of her patient’s report.

“Look… whether you want to face it or not, and I am assuming it’s the latter, you have PTSD, my dear. Post Tr–”

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not stupid and I am fully aware of my condition” Grace mumbled while rubbing her temples

“Oh… well… What if we try–”

“What if… I think about these two words often.” Tears welled up in her eyes as her bottom lip started trembling.

“I was… suggesting… maybe you could tell me the source of your regret and I will help you… I promise, Ms. Hall…” The doctor said, her voice sounding more sincere than before

Once again, Grace was in the lab located inside mount Atropo. She was on the ground , her entire frame shaking after seeing three of her friends being hailed by bullets… She and her friends failed to input the right password which would deactivate the protection protocols.

Aleister

She couldn’t believe it he was… no more… Their feelings… Their spark… it never had a chance to become a fire. She wanted to be with him, she wanted to hug him… to run her hands through his platinum hair… To gaze into his deep, thoughtful baby blues… instead she was staring into his lifeless eyes, and watched as the color drained from his already pale skin. 

Grace was paralyzed with fear, anger and despair, IRIS’s cold, heartless, mechanical voice rang in the room , breaking her panic attack.

“Directive 1908… Revival procedure available…”

These words gave a her a glimpse of hope… before…

“Password input required.”

“No…” Taylor mumbled “We can’t risk this input bullshit anymore! Look what happened to our friends!”

“Taylor… what if we can save them… save him!” Grace’s voice was cracking. She sounded miserable and… slightly selfish… and she knew it.

“Grace, it’s too risky!” Michelle shouted.

“We can’t just do nothing!”

Grace ran to the computer. She thought of all the things the password could be. Her first two attempts were failures, now was her last chance… she entered her last guess …

IRIS clicked for a second “…Input Invalid”

She felt dizzy… she failed … she failed her friends and she failed herself. She couldn’t hold back her tears.

IRIS’s cold expression softened and the robot looked at her direction.

“I am… so sorry… Grace…”

A spark of electricity glistened down the hologram’s cheek like a teardrop.

“Emergency s-self destruct initiated.”

Her orb started smoking as her image distorted, her face turning into a grimace of agony before disappearing, shutting down the lights in the room with her.

“And just like that… I lost four of my friends… in about ten minutes…”

“…Four..?”

“IRIS… it wasn’t her fault… she was our friend” tears were threatening to pour down her face once again.

She wiped her tears. “Dr. Williams I appreciate this… I do… I know my mom payed a lot for my appointments but I… I can’t do this…” she stood up from the comfortable cushion and headed for the door.

“Grace… after a traumatic experience… closure is essential… you can’t shut everyone off. It will worsen both your physical and mental…”

Grace didn’t buy any of it, she was determined to leave, she opened the door and threw a glance at Dr. Williams once again, her expression was calm and professional.

“Ms. Hall, the past… is beyond our control… you’ll have to accept it or you will never heal.”

After a moment of consideration… Grace was out the door.

Zahra

It’s been two months since they were rescued. Two months since they left that… God forsaken island… it’s been one months, twenty seven days, 6 hours and 23 minutes since the last time she was outside. She basically barricaded herself from the outside world, from her friends, from her family, from her guilt. It’s been two months, fifteen days, seven hours, and forty three minutes since the last time she saw him…

at this point moving in a group was becoming dangerous, Sean, Jake, Yvonne and Craig were preparing themselves to explore this fucked up place even further. Turns out there’s not just a couple of mythical creatures in this place, maybe tens or even hundreds of different species. Exploring the fauna wasn’t their mission though.

“Do you guys have a deathwish?!” Michelle protested. “Whatever we do we should always do as a group. No splitting up have you learned NOTHING from 90s horror flicks?!” Sean just stared at her , listening to her rant before wrapping one arm around her and pulling her into a hug.

  “Please… be safe… I almost lost you here once already…” Michelle cried.

 Zahra watched all that before moving her gaze towards Craig. His eyes were on her as well but noticing their eye contact he quickly looked away. Everyone knew what they were attempting was dangerous and… probably pointless… whatever they were attempting, she didn’t quite catch.

Do something… Zahra thought to herself…

“Craig…” she approached him and  caught his attention.

“Hey…” He said. They stared longingly into each other’s eyes.

  “Craig, I…” his hand brushed hers softly.

   And… of all the things she could have thought of… their past good times… their past laughter… their past intimacy… she thought of how he abandoned her… like an old toy he didn’t need anymore when he found a better hobby. She pulled her hand away from him

  “Try not to fuck everything up, imbecile.” She left his side but kept throwing occasional glances before they left… he was gritting his teeth… was it anger ? was it regret? She would never find out.

She was sitting in the middle of her room. She moved all her furniture away one day and just preferred sitting on the ground from then on. The silence was deafening. Sometimes she swore she could hear her own blood flowing in her veins.

She kept staring at her phone screen. Specifically at a picture of her and Craig, after his first game in the football team, her hands were around his neck hugging him close and his hand was around her waist.

Zahra blocked her phone and stood up. She Kept circling around the room , thinking of what she’s done. She could have kissed him… she could have told him that she cared about him and wanted to be a part if his life again once they were safe. She could have said…

I love you.

  But she didn’t. And the last thing she ever told him was an insult… one he … never deserved…

“Didn’t he now?” she whirled around. Staring back at her was her reflection in a mirror. But it wasn’t her it had a malicious face full of anger.

“Don’t you remember?!” The reflection shouted. “Did you forget how he forgot you. How he threw you away?!

Zahra turned her back to the mirror hoping the hallucination would stop

“Sh-Shut. Up.” “He didn’t need you. I bet he made fun of you with his new friends. The pretty little cheerleaders. Honestly, even though I knew he had no taste, didn’t think he’d replace you with those Barbie dolls

  “That’s not true… He didn’t –”

“Oh it is. He was a traitorous, irresponsible, idiot and deserved whatever he got. He was a waste of spa–”

  “SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" Zahra’s fist collided with the mirror shattering it in tens of pieces.

She was shaking and breathing heavily. She didn’t feel the pain kick in though, until she saw how blood flowed down her entire wrist, soaking her jacket with the warm liquid. Might have damaged a vein. She collapsed on the floor and reached for her phone.

She hasn’t called anyone in one month, fourteen days, six hours and nine minutes…

 "911… help, please… I’m b-bleeding…”

Sean

He has left the football team. Although both his coach and the team were trying to change his time but he was determined… he wasn’t playing without  his best friend.

Not like he would have anyone supporting his decision. He could contact the survivors but it wouldn’t be the same.

Michelle

 He couldn’t believe she committed suicide… she knew what she was doing, it was definitely suicide. He shouldn’t have blamed her for Craig’s death…

“Sean, quick! Michelle went outside!” Taylor alerted him. He rolled his eyes.

 “Why should I care?”

 “Wh-what are you talking about, she could get herself killed.”

 “Why. should. I help. her. Did she do anything to help Craig? She could have helped him, he was crying out for her…. But she just stared and did nothing” Sean hissed in anger.

 “Sean, that’s not fair, she was paralyzed with fear!”

 “Oh yeah? maybe she’ll get paralyzed again outside and you’ll drag her back?!” He stormed off.

For the most part, he blamed himself for her death. He didnt care enough. He never did. Maybe thats why their relationship kept failing. But he did have strong feelings for her and kept trying again.

He didnt want to admit it but he had weak rational thinking. He usually went with his gut or momentary emotions. He also didnt want to admit but if it hasnt been for his idleness… and inaction… his friends might have still been alive.

No more. 

He'd rejoin the team. He loved football… he would not develop more regrets… he's had enough.  

Varyyn

After his revival ritual performed by Uqshaal, Varyyn was told that the Catalysts fulfilled their destiny and saved their tribe.

He was also told that not all of the catalysts made it…

Diego

They died together but unfortunately the Vaanti revival ritual would never work on a human 

It was unfair… unfair that he’d get to continue his life and become a king but Diego would not and without him does it even matter?

He convinced his mother to bury Diego next to former kings and honored warriors He deserved to be honored like one of them.

The Vaanti had festivities dedicated to the bravery of the catalysts for weeks to come.

It was a bittersweet feeling but Varyyn was glad that time will now be their only enemy…

“I am very proud of you, Varyyn” Uqshaal said putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you”

“Are you ready for your speech in front of our tribe?”

“Yes… I am…”

Taylor

She wished she was stronger… She wished she could have saved them all… she was supposed to be a leader yet she failed the group. 

Her choices led to disastrous results, she tried to contact the survivors but they kept saying they were… busy… yeah, sure…

She couldn’t help a little offended but she didn’t blame them, the experience scarred all if them deeply at this point she didn’t think surviving was worth it. She missed her best friend, Diego.

They left him for six. Fucking. Months. And at the end still weren’t able to save him. She kept rewatching the stupid videos they would film out of boredom He always seemed so positive… so careless. She knew it wasn’t true but he was always a great friend.

She felt like a monster sometimes because even after the whole thing she could still laugh sometimes and have nice dreams. Was something wrong with her? Was that just her own special little way of going… insane?.. What if she died too? And this was just a figment of her dying mind… what if every…thing died because of her?

Jeez, if Jake was here… he’d give her a nickname, something like Courage the Cowardly dog or some other paranoid character

Jake…

God, she missed him. His one liners and snarky remarks. His little smirk that could make her either roll her eyes or feel butterflies having WWE fights in her stomach. His last moments still go in a continuous loop in her mind.

“Princess… don’t freak out but… I think I am dying…” he was coughing out drops of blood. Everything happened so damn fast she didn’t even realize what happened

“Jake please… no, don’t leave me I can’t do this without you” she cried against his jacket, cupping his face.

“Don’t say that– you’re– you’re so smart and incredible… you could pull this off all by yourself you– I am in so fucking in love with you, Taylor” he blurted out clutching his side. “

Jake… no, please…” She kissed him passionately, like it was the last time because… frankly it was. She felt the metallic taste of blood but it didn’t bother her at all. She knew that if she let go… he’d be gone…

He will never be gone, he’ll always be in her heart, in the back of her mind, grinning cockily, calling her princess for the first time. But she needed to let go. Outside of La Huerta… she had no power over time and she’d need to learn to let go and move on. Or she’ll always, subconsciously be… in one of those time loops… unable to get out.

An incoming call broke her from her gaze, it was Sean, she was ever so slightly euphoric to hear his voice.

“Sean! Hey!” She said in a maybe a little to excitedly.

“Hey, Taylor… it’s good to hear your voice.” She smiled at those words

“Yours too, Sean…”

“I– I don’t know how this happened but Zahra’s in a hospital… Grace went to check in her to see the door smashed in by the emergency… her veins were cut… could be self harm” She was silent. Now she felt even more like a monster, laughing and genuinely feeling great sometimes while her friend suffered from depression.

“Taylor..? You there..?”

“Yeah it’s just…”

“I am going to visit her, do you want me to pick you up?”

That’s it. That’s what they needed. Be there for each other. With each other. Together they’d heal much faster than by themselves.

“Yeah, sure!”

“Great, see you Taylor” she could feel him smile through the phone.

She quickly grabbed her apartment keys and headed for the door, throwing a glance back at her room. Next to her bed… folded neatly was a certain dark green jacket. She stared at it before grabbing and putting it on. Yeah… she’d move on… doesn’t mean she couldn’t cherish memories…

[woodsens]

12 Companies Leading the Way in fire inside music

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens songs that she wrote over a decade ago, the lady who arrived being known only since the piano Trainer made available what, in hindsight, looks as if an eerie glimpse of her own future.

Im going absent right now to an area so distant, exactly where no one is aware of my identify, she wrote while in the lyrics of the track known as Shifting.

When she wrote that track, she was youthful and vivacious, a piano Instructor and freelance new music author who liked Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Appears, very long walks and anything about Big apple.

On a kind of beloved walks, via Central Park in the brilliant Sunlight of the June day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and made an effort to rape her, leaving her clinging to existence. Once the attack, the phrases to her track came real. She moved absent, outside of Ny city, away from her outdated lifestyle, and all but her closest mates did not know her title. To the remainder of the entire world, she was — just like the additional well known jogger attacked in Central Park seven years earlier — an nameless image of the urban nightmare. She was the piano Instructor.

Now, on the tenth anniversary on the attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her total recovery from brain trauma. She is 42, married, with a small kid. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano teacher, and she wants to notify her story, her way.

Her doctor informed her it could consider 10 years to Recuperate, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I experience my existence has actually been redefined by Central Park, she said many days back, her voice delicate and hopeful. Prior to park; just after park. Will there ever certainly be a time when I dont Imagine, Oh, Here is the tenth anniversary, the 11th anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch house within a wooded subdivision inside of a Ny suburb. She sat in the dining place strewn with toys, surrounded by photos of her cherubic, darkish-haired two-12 months-old daughter. A Steinway grand stuffed half the room, and at one particular point she sat down and played. Her actively playing was forceful, but she appeared humiliated to Participate in more than a few bars, and shrugged, as an alternative to answering, when questioned the name of the piece. She asked that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June 4, 1996, the day After i was damage.

Hers was the main inside a string of assaults by the identical guy on four women around eight days. The last sufferer, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was overwhelmed to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in prison.

However the attack around the piano Instructor would be the a person men and women appear to be to recall the most. Portion of the fascination has to do with echoes from the 1989 attack around the Central Park jogger. But Additionally, it frightened people in a method the attack about the jogger didn't for the reason that its circumstances have been so mundane.

It didn't take place within a remote Component of the park late at nighttime, but near a popular playground at three while in the afternoon. It could have transpired to anyone. The stress was heightened via the mystery in the piano lecturers identity.

For three times, as police and Medical professionals tried to see who she was, she lay in a coma in her clinic mattress, nameless. Her moms and dads have been on trip and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. At last, considered one of her learners acknowledged a police sketch and was capable of detect her inside the healthcare facility by her fingers, since her encounter was swollen outside of recognition. The police did not release her title.

The last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio apartment on West 57th Avenue, then putting her very long hair inside a ponytail and heading out to get a stroll. She won't keep in mind the assault, Even though she has read the accounts of the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its similar to a reality I realized and memorized, she mentioned. Just as if I were a college student at school studying background.

She would not give thought to the man who did it. I may need been offended for the second, although not for much longer than that, she said. How could I be offended at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I guess by our criteria he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her health care provider at New York Healthcare facility-Cornell Healthcare Center, as it was known in 1996, informed reporters that she experienced a 10 % prospect of survival. Physicians experienced to remove her forehead bone, which was later changed, to help make home for her swelling brain. When her mother manufactured a public appeal to pray for my daughter, countless numbers did.

Soon after eight days, she came out of a coma, initial in a vegetative state, then in a very childlike condition. As she recovered, she slept very little and talked continuously, at times in gibberish. I used to be finding mad at individuals whenever they didnt respond to these words, she said.

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she had minor limited-phrase memory and would neglect people once they remaining the space.

Above quite a few months, she needed to relearn the best way to stroll, dress, read through and write. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented everyday to Perform guitar for her. He inspired her to Engage in the piano, towards the advice of her Actual physical therapists, who imagined she could be frustrated by her inability to Enjoy the way she as soon as had. Mr. Scherr performed Beatles duets with her, enjoying the remaining-hand section when she played the right.

That was my greatest therapy, she said.

In August, she moved again property to New Jersey, along with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She frequented outdated haunts and named mates, attempting to revive her shattered memory. I was pretty obsessed with remembering, she said. Any memory reduction was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists imagined her development was wonderful, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced dropped a chance to cry, as though a faucet within her Mind had been turned off. Just one evening, nine months right after she was hurt, she stayed up late to watch the John Grisham Motion picture A Time for you to Eliminate. Just after her father had absent to bed, she watched a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two Guys who experienced raped his young daughter.

The faucet opened, and the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought of my mothers and fathers, my father, and whatever they went as a result of, she stated. Minor by minor, my emotion returned, my depth of intellect returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went again to school and bought a masters degree in new music training.

Not everything went very well. She and Mr. Scherr split up 5 years once the attack, although they remain buddies. She dated other Guys, but she often informed them in regards to the attack without delay — she could not assist it, she reported — and so they under no circumstances termed for just a 2nd date.

Now we have to discover you a person, her Mate David Phelps, a guitar player, mentioned four many years in the past, in advance of introducing her to Liam McCann, a computer technician and novice drummer. For at the time, she didn't say everything with regards to the assault right until she acquired to learn Mr. McCann, and afterwards when she did, he admired her power.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had typically visited her at her bedside though she was during the healthcare facility, married them in his Moments Square Place of work. She wore a blue dress and pearls. While she was pregnant, in a very burst of creativeness, she and her mates recorded Although Were being Youthful, an album of childrens songs that she had published ahead of the attack, such as the song Shifting. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, made the CD. On it, her partner plays drums and she or he plays electric piano.

Is her lifestyle as it had been? Not specifically, while she's hesitant to attribute the variances to her injuries. Her very last two piano college students left her, without the need of calling to clarify why, she said. She has resumed playing classical new music, but easy parts, due to the fact her daughter doesn't give her time and energy to follow. As for jazz, I dont even attempt, she mentioned.

She wish to push far more, sensation stranded during the suburbs, but she is easily rattled. She tries to be articles with being house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a clinical professor of neurological surgery at what's now identified as Ny-Presbyterian Clinic/Weill Cornell Clinical Heart, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann after the assault, stated previous 7 days that her degree of recovery was scarce. Shes mainly normal, he reported.

Other industry experts, that are not personally acquainted with Ms. Kevorkian McCanns situation, are more careful.

Regaining a chance to Participate in the piano may well include an Just about mechanical procedure, a semiautomatic recall of what the fingers really need to do, said Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of medical rehabilitation medication at Ny University College of Medicine. As soon as Mind-injured, you're normally brain-injured, for the rest of your life, Dr. Ben-Yishay mentioned. There isn't a overcome, There is certainly only intense payment.

The greater telling Component of a Restoration, in his check out, is psychological, and on that rating he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and boy or girl as a big victory.

For her part, the piano teacher is aware of she has altered, but she has produced her peace with it. I was type of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a sort A, but I used to be bold, she suggests. Why was I so formidable? I was a piano Trainer. I dont know very well what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the individual Im imagined to be.

[redkiteradio]

7 Trends You May Have Missed About fireinsidemusic

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote greater than a decade in the past, the woman who came being regarded only because the piano Instructor available what, in hindsight, looks like an eerie glimpse of her own long run.

Im relocating away currently to a spot so distant, in which no person is aware my identify, she wrote while in the lyrics of a tune referred to as Relocating.

When she wrote that tune, she was youthful and vivacious, a piano Trainer and freelance audio writer who loved Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, extensive walks and every thing about New York.

On a type of beloved walks, by Central Park in the intense sun of a June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and attempted to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. After the attack, the terms to her music arrived real. She moved away, away from New York City, from her previous life, and all but her closest mates didn't know her title. To the rest of the globe, she was — much like the a lot more well-known jogger attacked in Central Park 7 many years previously — an nameless image of the city nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, to the 10th anniversary of the attack, she's celebrating what appears to be her complete Restoration from brain trauma. She's 42, married, with a small child. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano teacher, and he or she would like to tell her Tale, her way.

Her health care provider told her it could consider 10 years to Get better, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my lifetime has actually been redefined by Central Park, she reported many days back, her voice tender and hopeful. Prior to park; just after park. Will there ever be considered a time when I dont Feel, Oh, this is the 10th anniversary, the 11th anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch home within a wooded subdivision in the Ny suburb. She sat inside a dining room strewn with toys, surrounded by photographs of her cherubic, dark-haired two-year-outdated daughter. A Steinway grand crammed 50 % the home, and at one position she sat down and played. Her participating in was forceful, but she seemed embarrassed to Engage in quite a lot of bars, and shrugged, rather than answering, when asked the identify on the piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June four, 1996, the day After i was harm.

Hers was the 1st in the string of attacks by the same guy on 4 Gals above 8 times. The last target, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was beaten to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and in the end, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.

Still the assault within the piano teacher may be the just one individuals seem to recollect quite possibly the most. Section of the fascination needs to do with echoes of your 1989 attack around the Central Park jogger. But Furthermore, it frightened people in a means the assault to the jogger did not because its instances had been so mundane.

It didn't take place in a very distant Element of the park late during the night, but in close proximity to a well known playground at 3 inside the afternoon. It might have transpired to anyone. The tension was heightened with the thriller on the piano academics identity.

For 3 days, as law enforcement and Medical professionals experimented with to find out who she was, she lay in a very coma in her clinic bed, nameless. Her mothers and fathers had been on family vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. At last, one of her students recognized a police sketch and was capable of determine her in the clinic by her fingers, simply because her facial area was swollen over and above recognition. The law enforcement did not release her identify.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio apartment on West 57th Avenue, then putting her long hair in a ponytail and heading out to get a stroll. She does not remember the attack, While she has heard the accounts from the police and prosecutors.

To me its like a fact I learned and memorized, she stated. As though I were a college student in school learning record.

She would not think about The person who did it. I might need been angry for the minute, but not much longer than that, she claimed. How could I be offended at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I assume by our standards he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical professional at The big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Medical Center, as it was acknowledged in 1996, instructed reporters that she had a ten percent probability of survival. Health professionals experienced to eliminate her forehead bone, which was later changed, to help make place for her swelling brain. When her mother manufactured a community attract pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Right after 8 days, she came from a coma, very first inside a vegetative state, then inside of a childlike point out. As she recovered, she slept very little and talked continuously, often in gibberish. I was acquiring mad at individuals when they didnt reply to these phrases, she explained.

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she experienced minimal limited-time period memory and would ignore people as soon as they remaining the home.

Over a number of months, she needed to relearn how to stroll, gown, go through and produce. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented every day to play guitar for her. He encouraged her to Participate in the piano, versus the advice of her Actual physical therapists, who believed she could well be annoyed by her inability to play how she as soon as had. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets along with her, actively playing the remaining-hand component although she performed the right.

That was my best therapy, she explained.

In August, she moved back again house to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mom, a schoolteacher. She visited aged haunts and referred to as good friends, trying to revive her shattered memory. I used to be pretty obsessed with remembering, she mentioned. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists assumed her development was wonderful, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she had missing the ability to cry, just as if a faucet inside of her Mind had been turned off. One particular evening, 9 months just after she was damage, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham Motion picture A Time and energy to Get rid of. Just right after her father had gone to mattress, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two Adult men who experienced raped his youthful daughter.

The faucet opened, along with the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my mothers and fathers, my father, and whatever they went by, she said. Very little by small, my sensation returned, my depth of thoughts returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back again to school and obtained a masters degree in songs education.

Not everything went properly. She and Mr. Scherr break up up 5 years after the assault, while they remain good friends. She dated other Guys, but she generally advised them concerning the attack right away — she couldn't support it, she reported — and they by no means called for just a next day.

We have to discover you someone, her Pal David Phelps, a guitar player, explained 4 yrs back, ahead of introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and novice drummer. For as soon as, she didn't say nearly anything with regards to the assault until she bought to learn Mr. McCann, after which when she did, he admired her power.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had normally visited her at her bedside when she was from the medical center, married them in his Occasions Square Business. She wore a blue dress and pearls. Though she was Expecting, within a burst of creative imagination, she and her good friends recorded Although Had been Young, an album of childrens tracks that she had prepared prior to the assault, such as the track Transferring. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, created the CD. On it, her spouse performs drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her existence as it absolutely was? Not specifically, though she is reluctant to attribute the dissimilarities to her injuries. Her previous two piano learners remaining her, with no contacting to clarify why, she mentioned. She has resumed playing classical new music, but easy parts, mainly because her daughter isn't going to give her time for you to exercise. As for jazz, I dont even consider, she stated.

She would want to drive more, sensation stranded from the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She attempts to be content material with keeping house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological surgical procedure at what on earth is now referred to as New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Clinical Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann once the assault, said last week that her level of recovery was unusual. Shes fundamentally normal, he stated.

Other gurus, who are not personally aware of Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, are more cautious.

Regaining a chance to Enjoy the piano may well entail an Pretty much mechanical method, a semiautomatic remember of what the fingers should do, claimed Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of clinical rehabilitation drugs at Big apple College Faculty of Drugs. The moment Mind-injured, you will be always Mind-injured, for the rest of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay claimed. There is not any overcome, There's only intensive compensation.

The greater telling part of a Restoration, in his check out, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and youngster as an important victory.

For her portion, the piano teacher appreciates she has modified, but she has manufactured her peace with it. I was type of a hyper —— I dont know if I was a kind A, but I had been ambitious, she states. Why was I so ambitious? I used to be a piano Instructor. I dont know what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the individual Im designed to be.

[emilyl-b]

12 Reasons You Shouldn't Invest in best keyboard for beginners

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote greater than ten years in the past, the lady who arrived to become known only because the piano Instructor provided what, in hindsight, looks like an eerie glimpse of her very own upcoming.

Im moving away these days to a place so far-off, the place no person understands my title, she wrote while in the lyrics of the music named Shifting.

When she wrote that music, she was young and vivacious, a piano teacher and freelance audio writer who beloved Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, lengthy walks and every thing about New York.

On a kind of beloved walks, by Central Park in the bright Sunlight of the June day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and attempted to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. Following the assault, the terms to her tune came real. She moved away, out of Ny city, outside of her old lifetime, and all but her closest close friends did not know her identify. To the rest of the environment, she was — just like the additional renowned jogger attacked in Central Park 7 several years before — an anonymous image of an urban nightmare. She was the piano Instructor.

Now, about the tenth anniversary of your attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her complete recovery from brain trauma. She's forty two, married, with a little boy or girl. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and she wants to explain to her story, her way.

Her medical professional informed her it would acquire 10 years to Recuperate, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my lifetime has actually been redefined by Central Park, she said numerous days back, her voice comfortable and hopeful. Before park; right after park. Will there at any time be a time After i dont Assume, Oh, This is actually the tenth anniversary, the 11th anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch household in a wooded subdivision within a Big apple suburb. She sat within a dining place strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, dim-haired 2-yr-previous daughter. A Steinway grand loaded fifty percent the home, and at just one point she sat down and performed. Her taking part in was forceful, but she seemed embarrassed to play quite a lot of bars, and shrugged, instead of answering, when requested the identify of your piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She calls that working day, June four, 1996, the working day After i was harm.

Hers was the 1st in a very string of assaults by a similar guy on four Girls above 8 days. The last victim, Evelyn Alvarez, 65, was overwhelmed to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleansing store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in prison.

Still the attack around the piano Instructor could be the one particular people today look to keep in mind by far the most. Section of the fascination should do with echoes of the 1989 attack around the Central Park jogger. But In addition it frightened folks in a method the attack within the jogger didn't mainly because its situation ended up so mundane.

It did not happen inside of a distant Component of the park late in the evening, but in close proximity to a well-liked playground at 3 while in the afternoon. It might have occurred to any individual. The tension was heightened by the secret of the piano teachers id.

For three times, as police and doctors tried using to see who she was, she lay within a coma in her hospital bed, anonymous. Her parents have been on holiday vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Eventually, among her students recognized a law enforcement sketch and was ready to discover her from the healthcare facility by her fingers, for the reason that her confront was swollen over and above recognition. The police didn't release her name.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is providing a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Avenue, then putting her extensive hair inside of a ponytail and heading out for just a walk. She will not don't forget the assault, Despite the fact that she has heard the accounts of the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its just like a fact I learned and memorized, she said. As if I were a scholar in school studying record.

She would not think of The person who did it. I might need been angry for a second, although not a lot longer than that, she said. How could I be angry at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I suppose by our standards he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical doctor at The big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Healthcare Center, as it was recognized in 1996, told reporters that she had a ten per cent chance of survival. Doctors experienced to remove her forehead bone, which was later changed, for making space for her swelling Mind. When her mom built a community appeal to pray for my daughter, thousands did.

Soon after eight times, she arrived out of a coma, 1st in a vegetative condition, then in a childlike condition. As she recovered, she slept tiny and talked continually, at times in gibberish. I had been having mad at persons if they didnt respond to these text, she stated.

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she had minor limited-expression memory and would neglect site visitors as soon as they remaining the room.

Above a number of months, she had to relearn ways to stroll, costume, read through and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, visited every day to Engage in guitar for her. He inspired her to play the piano, towards the recommendation of her Actual physical therapists, who believed she might be annoyed by her inability to Perform how she after had. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets together with her, actively playing the left-hand section when she played the ideal.

Which was my most effective therapy, she said.

In August, she moved back dwelling to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She frequented old haunts and known as mates, hoping to revive her shattered memory. I was very obsessed with remembering, she claimed. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists imagined her development was wonderful, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she were.

What bothered her most was that she experienced misplaced the opportunity to cry, as if a faucet inside her brain were turned off. One particular night time, nine months just after she was hurt, she stayed up late to watch the John Grisham Motion picture A The perfect time to Get rid of. Just soon after her father had long gone to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two Males who experienced raped his younger daughter.

The faucet opened, as well as the tears trickled down her cheeks. I considered my mothers and fathers, my father, and what they went by, she said. Little by minimal, my sensation returned, my depth of brain returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went again to highschool and received a masters diploma in new music schooling.

Not every little thing went well. She and Mr. Scherr split up five years once the attack, though they continue to be mates. She dated other men, but she constantly instructed them with regard to the assault without delay — she couldn't enable it, she explained — they usually hardly ever referred to as for any second date.

We have now to locate you anyone, her Buddy David Phelps, a guitar player, said four a long time ago, just before introducing her to Liam McCann, a computer technician and newbie drummer. For at the time, she didn't say nearly anything concerning the attack till she got to be aware of Mr. McCann, then when she did, he admired her energy.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had frequently frequented her at her bedside though she was in the medical center, married them in his Times Square Workplace. She wore a blue costume and pearls. Though she was pregnant, in a very burst of creativeness, she and her buddies recorded Though Were being Youthful, an album of childrens tracks that she had prepared prior to the assault, such as the music Shifting. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, manufactured the CD. On it, her spouse plays drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her lifetime as it was? Not precisely, however she is reluctant to attribute the dissimilarities to her accidents. Her final two piano students left her, without having contacting to elucidate why, she claimed. She has resumed playing classical new music, but straightforward pieces, because her daughter would not give her time for you to practice. As for jazz, I dont even consider, she explained.

She would want to travel extra, experience stranded while in the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be articles with keeping residence and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological surgical procedure at what on earth is now referred to as Big apple-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Heart, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann following the attack, stated last week that her amount of Restoration was exceptional. Shes mainly ordinary, he stated.

Other professionals, who are not personally aware of Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, tend to be more cautious.

Regaining the ability to Participate in the piano may perhaps entail an Nearly mechanical system, a semiautomatic recall of exactly what the fingers must do, claimed Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of clinical rehabilitation medicine at Ny University Faculty of Drugs. After brain-injured, you happen to be generally brain-wounded, For the remainder of your lifetime, Dr. Ben-Yishay said. There isn't any remedy, there is only intensive payment.

The greater telling Component of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and boy or girl as a significant victory.

For her element, the piano Trainer is familiar with she has changed, but she has made her peace with it. I used to be form of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a Type A, but I used to be formidable, she claims. Why was I so formidable? I used to be a piano teacher. I dont really know what the ambition was about. I actually did come back to the individual Im speculated to be.