#i watched it live when i was like 9 - 11 and kind of knew vaguely that there was a fandom for it. but very much did not care until last yea

[cowes]

I'm curious... um... why are you saying sorry for being "so transparently het interested" in your tags for the mergana post?

to be real with u im wine drunk. allso just joking that the merlin fandom is very much about merthur somtimes to the point of confusion about the real tv show. but mostly it was just a little jokey joke :D

[anyroads]

I mean, I don't even know where to start. He was such a huge influence on me. His post-9/11 speech on TDS changed the literal course of my life. I can still recite Unleavened by heart. I got to work with him at one point and it was the most exciting experience of my life up until that point.

And I watched this interview this morning and all I could think was,

"Shut the fuck up, Jon Stewart."

More than what this excellent Kveller piece covers, he didn't just downplay antisemitism. He offered a non-solution while proposing that bigots continue to have a platform. He completely avoided the subject of Chappelle's transphobia and sexism. Really, he shouldn't have been asked to talk about it in the first place, if he's unable to separate Dave Chappelle the performer from Dave, his buddy. You can't give your objective thoughts on antisemitism in public discourse if your opinions on the offenders in question are unavoidably subjective.

I appreciate the empathy in bringing up the idea of "hurt people hurt people" but as the author of this piece points out, some bigots won't change their perspectives because they aren't capable of viewing their targets with empathy. More than this, the kind of hurt Stewart is talking about - Kanye West and Dave Chappelle - is rooted in trauma and mental illness. You can't talk it away, it requires therapy, possibly medication, and the willingness to engage with both and do the necessary work. Slapping an empathetic aphorysm on it avoids the problem and is ableist in its unwillingness to confront the needs of people with much more complex issues than feeling hurt.

As to the idea of censorship, I think it needs to be stated clearly that denying bigots a platform is not censorship. It has been proven time and time again that when public figures espouse bigotry it leads to physical harm of the targeted group. Statistics say that hate crimes will increase, and it makes sense. If I punch a guy on the street, I get arrested, or at the very least detained, and have certain rights and freedoms revoked. I have endangered someone else's safety and this has consequences. When Dave Chappelle goes on SNL and actively and deliberately makes antisemitic jokes (which was, according to rumor, a different set than he'd done during dress rehearsal, ie. he knew exactly what he was doing), experience shows that someone will get hurt because of it. This is the same effect people have spoken out about after his transphobic performances. He is emboldening the people in the comments sections Stewart refers to, to back up their internet rants with physical action. Taking away someone's platform is not about silencing them, but about protecting those they chose to pose a threat to.

"Let's talk it out" is a vague response with no real applicable plan of action. It is also not mutually exclusive with, "let's put down that microphone/twitter/instagram livestream/etc. until we understand what we're doing and re-evaluate whether you're safe enough for it."

And sidebar? I'm really fucking tired of people like Dave Chappelle being handed a platform and given a free pass for hate speech by people who are his friends or grew up idolizing him. While I absolutely think that his comedy is much more complex than "is he bigoted or not" and there's a lot to discuss around it (the history of his work and him as a public figure), he is also clearly undeserving of any stage as long as he uses it as a platform to fuel misogyny, transphobia, and antisemitism.

Anyway. I'm both disappointed in Stewart and not surprised. Very tired of Jews who live in large American cities with sturdy Jewish populations who forget that not every Jewish person lives in a place surrounded by their own culture. While someone like Jon Stewart goes to work with his mostly Jewish staff (secular or not), passing ten bagel places on the way, a lot of Jews live in cities where they get a single shelf in the supermarket for Passover (half of which is hanukah candles and bagels), and who have to use vacation days and tell their kids' schools they're sick just to observe holidays. Many Jews don't have the luxury of writing off antisemitism as no biggie, like Jon "ignore the Leibowitz, I decided to change my last name so it sounds less Jewy" Stewart.

[rinielelrandir]

I was in 4th grade and the principal of the elementary school I attended at the time made the decision not to tell us. The district let individual schools decide how to handle early dismissals, telling students, etc., so he (somewhat unusually for our area I would come to find out) decided that we were very young children who deserved to be protected for as long as possible and that our parents should be the ones to tell us. So a notice was sent out to all the parents, we would be having school As Normal, but if they wanted to come and pick their kids up early they were welcome to, and the school would be leaving it up to parents to tell us about what had happened and would be leaving TVs off that day.

It was Weird. Like without a doubt, that was the weirdest day of my entire elementary school career. The teachers said absolutely *nothing*, not that something bad had happened and our parents would tell us later, just *nothing*, even when we asked. Because at 9 years old, most of us could tell that they were behaving Oddly after the weird announcement from that morning for all teachers to contact the office. A lot of kids did go home early that day and I distinctly remember one of the boys in my class making a joke about it being "national dentist appointment day" about 10 minutes before his mom picked him up. We had recess outside like normal because we weren't in New York or DC and the district felt we were far enough from the city it would be fine, but I remember it feeling very strange outside and not knowing why. (As an adult, with knowledge of the day, I know it was the planes, or rather the lack of planes. We were close enough to Philly that there should have been planes coming and going from both the international airport and the regional one, not to mention flights from local military bases, but the skies were empty and silent.)

By far the strangest part of that day for me personally though was when my sister and I got home from school and my mom *and* stepdad were both there, in the living room, on the couch, just kind of sitting there. We were latch-key kids, they were *never* home unexpectedly, let alone both of them at once, and they were clearly waiting for us too. Even at 9 and 6, my little sister & I knew immediately that something was Wrong. (I vaguely remember thinking something must have happened to my grandparents, it was the worst thing I could think of at that age.) They sat us down and told us what had happened and it was the first time I ever saw my stepdad cry. He had friends who worked in the World Trade Center, they all died and as far as I know none of them were ever even found.

My parents tried to keep my sister and I from watching the news in the weeks that followed, tried to prevent us from seeing any of the footage, but I was a pretty determined kid when I wanted to be. I don't remember when I managed to see it, but at some point I did. So I didn't watch it live and I didn't spend the day at school watching it on the same TVs we used for movie days, but I did see some footage on the news at some point. And as a teen I for some reason decided to look up 9/11 news footage on YouTube and discovered that you could very easily find videos of all the things my parents had so desperately tried to hide from me just a few years prior.

Like this poll, but with some more options.

[writersrealmbts]

Clearwater Springs: Part 9

SDescription: ot7 x reader, reader’s choice, fairy/supernatural/soulmate au. The choices you make influence the story! In this world, war-torn and ragged, you’ve been offered a home and a job working as a librarian. Will you meet your soulmates? Will you ever find the shelves behind the piles of books? Who knows.

Warnings: idk

Posted: 08/18/2021

Tags: ot7 x reader, supernatural bts, soulmate au

3,463 words

A/N: Okay! Remember, two free-write and one survey chapter, which means the next survey chapter will be chapter 11 (technically they all are at this point), which means that the survey at the bottom of this post will be on part 10 as well. Sorry for the wait.

Previous ~ Next

You were in a warm cocoon, and you weren’t about to disturb it.

Yoongi was in cat form again, stretched out against your back, purring now and then in his sleep.

Namjoon was snoring, but you didn’t care because he was warm and his heartbeat was strong, and he was well-built. Strong enough to make you feel safe, soft enough to keep you comfortable. He was your haltija.

You lay in a comfortable doze for a while, smiling when Yoongi moved so you could pet him and he fell asleep again.

But then someone was sneaking in and over, fluttering above the ground and peering at you.

You yawned a bit, then turned to reach out both hands to him.

Jimin smiled and took your hands, gently pulling you from between the other two and into the air.

You grinned as he set you down on the floor by the bed, admiring his wings. His feathers looked shinier already, and the colors of his feathers seemed more vibrant. Happiness made such a difference in fairies.

Jimin tugged your hand gently, pulling you out of the room and down to Jin’s room.

The door swung open silently, revealing the most adorable sight of Jin and Jungkook cuddling. Jungkook’s arms wrapped around Jin, and head on Jin’s shoulder but still tucked close to Jin’s neck. Both of them looked so peaceful.

Jimin shared your smile, then tugged your hand again as he carefully closed the door.

Taehyung was being bearhugged from behind by Hoseok, drowsily watching some cartoon show that had the volume down as low as possible without muting it.

Hoseok murmured now and then, and pressed airy little kisses just barely into Taehyung’s hair--probably completely unfelt by the dryad. But he glanced over and smiled contentedly at you before whispering something that got a sleepy smile out of his companion.

You tugged on Jimin’s hand this time, drawing him into the kitchen. “Help me make them breakfast?”

He nodded.

You weren’t an exceptional cook, but you could make basic foods, and the boys didn’t seem to mind basic foods. “Did you sleep well, ma mignonne?”

He nodded emphatically. “Yesterday was tiring.”

Yoongi stalked in, scowling tiredly at you. “You left.”

“Sorry, mon chat minou,” You apologized, leaning over to peck his lips.

His eyes widened.

Jimin huffed, latching onto you again.

You leaned back into his arms and tilted your head back for a kiss.

He hesitated, but did kiss you—softly. As though you were a bubble that would pop at any moment. His lips soft against yours.

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips, keenly away of two more sets of eyes on the three of you.

Hoseok, probably already knowing the outcome, came over and claimed his kiss. “Morning, aluemdaun.”

You hummed happily at his casual compliment, curling your fingers around the neckline of his shirt. “Darling.”

Taehyung’s eyes were wide, and he slowly came forward.

You watched him with a soft smile. “Good morning, Taehyung. Did you sleep well?”

Taehyung nodded slowly.

You kissed his cheek, brushing over the spot where you kissed him with your thumb as you looked over his face. “Good.”

“So...does everyone know...about….” He gestured vaguely to your arm.

You nodded, smiling a little more. “Everyone knows. You can ask them anything about being soulmates that you want. You can touch them, hug them, kiss them, and they’ll have no room to complain because they’re stuck with all of us for the rest of our lives—provided all goes well.”

Taehyung started to get hints of excitement in his eyes. “Hugs?”

“As many as you like. Jimin gives especially good hugs.” You nodded toward the fairy, who was still cooking under your instructions.

Yoongi took Taehyung’s hand. “After we’re out of their way so they can make breakfast.”

Taehyung didn’t seem to accept that, turning and hugging onto Yoongi despite the werecat’s protests—loud as they were.

But Yoongi waddled himself and Taehyung out of the kitchen, and out of your way. And Taehyung forced his hugs on the werecat without avail.

You returned to your fairy, directing his actions with little gestures, happy when the food turned out well—just as Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook joined everyone downstairs.

Jimin greeted them with a chirpy ‘Good Morning!’ while ushering them to the table. “We just finished making breakfast!”

Jungkook looked like he was still half-asleep, movements languid as Jin helped him to a spot at the table.

Yoongi was still trapped by Taehyung. “Stop it. Stop it. Let’s not do this. Stop it.”

Taehyung ignored him, nuzzling the were-cat’s neck until suddenly the were-cat shifted and escaped. Then he pouted, looking hurt and sullen.

Jin chuckled sleepily. “Come here, Taehyungie, we’ll catch him later for you to cuddle. Sit next to hyungie to eat.”

Hoseok easily claimed the seat on the other side of Taehyung. “Yoongi-hyung was probably just hungry, Taehyung. He’s not very forthright, but—” he dropped his glass, eyes glazed and far away. He frowned, hands hovering shakily over his plate.

You glanced at Jin for a moment.

Jin got up and went around to Hoseok’s side.

Hoseok’s gaze cleared slightly, but he looked shaken. “I need my crystal ball. Need to get upstairs.”

“I’ll help you,” Jin whispered softly, helping him up. “Even breaths, Hoseokie. Keep calm.”

Hoseok nodded, leaning into Jin. “Need to look. Need to see.”

You watched them go with a little worry, but you knew Hoseok would be fine as long as Jin was with him.

Today, you had work to do.

After you had made sure that Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin had ingested an adequate amount of food—and helped Yoongi make plates for the two that were absent—you went to your room, silently asking your waters for some good working clothes.

Your waters ignored you and gave you a dress, but at least the dress wouldn’t expose your body every time you moved.

Jimin was waiting with Parsley by the front door. “You’re going to the library, right?”

You smiled and nodded. “I have work to do. Are you coming with me?”

“You can’t go alone,” He said nonchalantly. “Too dangerous. Especially with a dark mage about.”

“True. But I wouldn’t like it if you didn’t want to come with me.”

“I want to,” He answered quickly, looking a little sheepish. “I really like it there. High ceilings. I can fly even though it’s raining.”

You smiled. “Alright, then.”

You peeked into the living room, noticing that Taehyung had ‘captured’ Yoongi again and that both were watching a movie with Jungkook and Namjoon. “I’m off to the library with Jimin. Be back later. Someone check on Jin and Hoseok if they don’t come down in an hour?”

“Mm’kay,” Namjoon answered distractedly, but you saw Yoongi look over at you and nod.

Rain didn’t bother you that much, it was just water after all, but Jimin seemed a little averse to it, so you made sure he had the umbrella. Not that it was much of a rainstorm, the gentle pattering drops far more soothing than harsh. Pleasant and somewhat warm.

There was a truck sitting in front of the library, and Valina was under the overhang of the doors, glaring at another person.

Jimin gently touched your shoulder and took off to watch from a distance, a distance from which he could easily intervene if he needed.

You carried the closed umbrella up to those waiting, wondering what was going on. “Hello Valina, how may I assist you?”

She glanced at you, eyes widening slightly, panicked a little.

“Ah! You must be the librarian, I am Grendel,” The dark mage said, turning toward you and bowing.

You froze, but tried not to display your panic. “A pleasure, I’m sure.”

“Yes, well, you see, as well as conducting my own business, I was asked to convey this load of books to this…charming town’s library.” He eyed you. “I had not realized that this library was run by a xana.”

“I had not realized my species could be of any interest to any being other than my own kind,” You answered evenly. “There is a room around the side of the building for after-hours book deliveries and donations, and the sign is right there, as well. I believe that lettering is large enough for any to read.”

“Ah, but I have…certain donations that need special care, and I wished to convey the instructions in person—as I was telling this…fiery, young woman.”

“That’s witch to you! And I told you I could have given her the instructions.” Valina crossed her arms.

“And I told you, there are certain things that only a librarian can understand. This place has special vaults for…dangerous tomes, does it not?” He turned to you.

“We would have to ask the owner of the library,” You answered vaguely. “I have not been informed of any. If you would be so kind as to deliver the rest to the side room, I will call the owner and have him come and talk with you.”

“I was specifically instructed—”

“I understand,” You cut him off. “However, I have no answers as to security for dangerous tomes, and for that, the owner is required. Once he has answers in regards to the safety of such tomes, then we may further discuss the tomes staying here. Until then, please patiently wait in the delivery room around the side of the building. I shall not ask again.”

“But—”

“You have about five seconds before I start singing: can you bare it, mage?” You asked, eyes narrowing in a challenge.

His mouth clamped shut and he bowed stiffly. “As you have asked, so shall I do.”

You nodded firmly and moved to the front doors, waiting until he was pulling the truck to the side of the building before unlocking the front doors and ushering Valina inside.

“Are you crazy? He’s a dark mage!” She hissed the moment the door closed.

“I am…very…aware…of…that…,” You said in between trying not to hyperventilate in the ensuing panic.

Jimin landed and quickly wrapped his arms and wings around you, forcing Valina to back up. “You’re crazy. You’re absolutely crazy.”

You just hugged him back with all of your might. “Need to call Jin.”

“I’ll do that,” Valina said, regarding you and Jimin and just a tiny bit disconcerted.

“It’s a trick, right? He’s just trying to get to you, right?” Jimin asked, sounding panicked.

Parsley twined around your feet, mewling.

“Where’s his pheonix?” You whispered.

You saw Valina look up sharply.

Jimin let go of you and shrunk, darting off to look.

You went to the desk slowly, sitting down and beginning your work. “He stop at your shop first?”

“Not exactly. Had a feeling.” Valina leaned against the counter, frowning. “A faun pointed him out to me, and my brain worked from there. My coven will ward the town. We’ve already been setting up protection wards on people’s houses, so most people should be safe at night. Except your house. But you have a haltija.”

“And a were-cat, and a djinn, dryad, seer, incubus-fairy mix, and a human that I swear has magic in his blood.”

“Mr. Kim definitely has magic in his blood,” Valina said, eyes flashing pink. “Ancient magic, but it is there. His family tree is made of touched and clearsighted.”

“Touched and clearsighted?” You asked.

“Touched people have a sort of intuition, they get a sense for things quickly—especially in regards to the magical. They tend to become fighters, people who protect others from…less-savory magic. Clearsighted folk can see through all magical protection that would confuse other humans. Why do you think he didn’t become a slobbering fool upon seeing you? Yes, he sees you’re hot as hell, but, because he has clearsight, he is able to resist that pull and instead focus on you as a person. Me? I have special charms to resist folk like yourself and stay a decent witch.” She looked you over and quickly looked away. “Though, I think it’s about time I recharge them.”

“I appreciate the effort,” You murmured, thinking about Jin and grateful for the distraction that she had been trying to give you. “There’s still so much I don’t know about the world and about people. I only knew my people.”

“Might help if you came into town more often.”

You looked at her quietly until she met your gaze with a little regret.

“Nevermind, that would be mass chaos and not pleasant for you. Forget I mentioned town. Let me ward it for your protection first.”

“Don’t go to any extra trouble on my account.”

“I won’t. My coven planned on putting up warding to protect from…unwanted behaviors.”

“You’re the police of the town, aren’t you?”

Valina grinned. “Yup! But don’t worry, we have people we answer to as well. Now, if we could get real town status, then we’d probably elect Mr. Kim as mayor—”

“Never gonna happen,” Jin said firmly, walking quickly over to you. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, standing up. “I sent him around the side to the drop-off area and Jimin is looking for the Pheonix, but he’s been gone since Valina called you.”

Yoongi shifted and ran out to see if he could track down the fairy.

Hoseok was looking a little…out of breath.

Jungkook seemed to be visually assessing you.

Namjoon was talking to the doorway.

Taehyung was looking around, awestruck. “Hyung…this place is so beautiful….”

Jin kissed your forehead and then glanced at Valina. “Got any extra protection charms?”

She patted her pockets demonstratively. “I was in a bit of a rush, toots. Apologies. Take the Djinn with you, he can use magic to protect you and it’s stronger than even a dark mage’s. He can protect you if he wishes.”

Hoseok gripped Jungkook’s arm. “No.”

Jungkook looked both surprised and hurt. “I can do it, hyung.”

“No, it has to be…” Hoseok looked desperately at him, then at you. “It has to be you. I…can’t tell you why…but I know….”

You could tell it was killing him to say it, tearing him up inside. “Okay. If you say it must be so, then it must be. Jungkook could protect us from here, correct?”

Hoseok considered for a moment, then nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay, now please sit down. You look so pale,” You pleaded softly, gently, touching his arm.

He relaxed a bit and pliantly let you guide him to your chair.

“Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon; please look out for Hoseok, I have a feeling he’s going to be having a rough day,” You asked, picking up Parsley and setting her in Hoseok’s lap. “Pet the kitty.”

Hoseok let out a small breath of an amused laugh, then did as told.

Then you and Seokjin went outside to meet the dark mage.

Grendel was waiting, looking patient, casually unloading boxes from the truck, but he quickly set aside the box he was carrying as he noticed your approach.

“This is Mr. Kim, the owner of the library. Mr. Grendel had inquiries about secure vaults for…dangerous tomes.”

Jin nodded. “I am only allowed by the government to approve of certain types of tomes. What is the nature of the tomes?” He pulled out some paperwork.

“One is a necromancers guide made with dragon leather,” Grendel said, looking worried.

You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you.

Grendel nodded. “Dark magic that must be locked away and never let out again. And that one…that one should remain off-record if possible.”

Jin was quiet, partially frozen. “Where is that one?”

“Still on the truck. I didn’t want to unload it if it couldn’t stay here.”

Jin nodded slowly. “I know a place where it can go. I’m assuming you don’t want to know it’s final location either.”

“That would be correct.”

“Okay. And the other tomes?”

“A Demon Book, a Crimson portfolio, and the notebook of…Fausto Vilareyo,” Grendel finished, not meeting your gaze.

Your heart seemed to stop.

Jin was looking to you. “Fausto Vilareyo?”

“The first dark mage,” You answered, trembling.

Jin nodded slowly. “All of these fall within what I am able to take in. I will care for the notebook and the necromancer’s guide.”

You nodded. “I….”

“Can you go get me some notecards?” Jin asked, providing you with a brief escape. “And a pen?”

You nodded, turning and fleeing the presence of such an evil book.

The others startled when you hurried in.

“Everything okay?” Yoongi asked, pausing in his task of what appeared to be drying Jimin’s wings.

“Yes. Did you find the pheonix?”

“No,” Jimin said, drooping. “No sign of it.”

“That’s fine,” You said hastily, grabbing some things for yourself.

“Slow down,” Valina advised, “before you drop everything you’re trying to pick up.”

You just nodded and raced out again, pausing before the corner and composing yourself.

Grendel conveyed the instructions for the last two books, then bowed. “I thank you for guarding these relics. It has been a long journey to find a safe resting place for them.”

You dipped your head very slightly. “War makes many things difficult, though they be difficult to begin with.”

“Very true. I must be off. Many more false trails to lay,” Grendel said, bowing once more. He hesitated in leaving, though. “I know it may not mean much, but I apologize for the wrongs that have been committed toward your kind. I had never seen one of your kind in person before now and I regret not knowing. I do what I must, though, and for that I know I would never be able to listen to your songs. Thank you for your benevolence toward me, even knowing I am of the kind that is dangerous toward yourself.”

“If you continue to remove dangerous things from those who would abuse them, then I wish you luck,” You said, meaning it. Not just anyone would turn over what they had found to be locked away. And while his dark magic was fresh and potent, perhaps it was because he needed it to get those items. “May I ask, what were you doing in the forest?”

He blinked in surprise. “The forest? Oh…I…I’d actually heard that the forest was quite nice and I have this stupid pheonix that’s bound to me and he goes and gets into all sorts of trouble if I don’t properly exercise him.” He looked around. “Thinking of…you haven’t happened to see a pheonix?”

You shook your head rapidly.

Jin shook his head as well.

He sighed. “He probably went after the dragon magic, the stupid fledgling. Well. Either he gets eaten or he learns a lesson. Thank you for your time.” He bowed again and hopped into the truck.

“Dragon?” Jin asked, eyes wide.

“The river dragon, probably,” You offered.

Jin looked at you like you’d grown a second hand.

“Jungkook and I ran across him when we were passing the time before going to look for you. He’s my river-kin, apparently.”

Jin shook his head, showing you the vaults for the books you would care for, how to access them and such. “Of course he is.”

“Hoseok looked pale.”

“Yeah. He’s not as strong as he likes to convey.”

“Are any of us?”

Jin kissed your cheek. “Probably not.”

You ran your fingers along the mortar between the bricks. “Do you think he had an ulterior motive?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out. You want to stay at the library?”

You nodded. “I have work to do. Jimin will probably stay with me.”

He nodded. “I don’t think Taehyung will leave now, either. Is that okay?”

“He’s cute. Jimin and I can keep an eye on him.”

“Okay. I’m going to take the others home, then. Make sure Hoseok gets some water, food, and rest.” Jin kissed your cheek. “Don’t speak a word to the others about what books are hidden in the vaults. Or about the books I will be hiding. It’ll be safer.”

You nodded firmly. “Agreed. It’s for their own well-being. Hoseok knows.”

He nodded. “Probably.”

Yoongi stalked up in his black and grey form—his largest form—and then paused, getting ready to leap into Jin’s arms.

Jin stroked Yoongi’s head. “Hey. We’re okay. Thanks for worrying.”

Yoongi just snorted and rested, acting like he’d intended to fall asleep in Jin’s arms.

You reached over and scratched his head, then went into the library to finally do the work that you hadn’t been able to get done in the past three days.

–

Post-Chapter 9 Survey

Previous.  Next.

Masterlist.  Clearwater Springs Masterpost.

–

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[dreamkidddream]

Hi I love love LOVE your blog would you maybe do all the obey me brothers x reader yandere wise?

Hi anon! Thank you for the love I really appreciate it!! I know I sound like a broken record, but I was so nervous to start this blog and I’m so happy that people are enjoying my writings. So this request was kinda vague (and it’s my first yandere request!), so I’m assuming you mean general headcannons being in a relationship with the brothers (separately) being yandere. If I’m wrong, just send in the request again with some more details and I’ll be happy to redo it. Reader is gender neutral and I hope you enjoy!

Sidenote: Beel’s and Belphie’s part is a little bit short. Sorry!

TW: Unhealthy relationships, toxic behavior, yandere behavior but not too graphic is mentioned

Spoilers for Lesson 9-11 (mentioned in Satan’s) and Lesson 16 (mentioned in Mammon’s, Beel’s and Belphie’s)

Yandere HC’s with The Bros

So let me begin by saying this: I think that all demons are very territorial and even more so possessive. The brothers no doubt all love you, but you couldn’t help but realize that their way of love was starting to get just a tad bit worrying. I mean, you knew that they were demons and that they wouldn’t dream of hurting you (again), but it was starting to feel...intense. After all, they were just starting to express openly how they feel. You tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it was scary. They were determined that you were going to know just how much they love you...

And you were going to accept it, whether you wanted to or not.

Lucifer

Very controlling

You thought he was strict before, please, you haven’t seen anything yet

It went from telling you when to eat to downright constantly being in his presence. You were pretty much living in his room at this point, with the exception of leaving for school where he was your only escort

He was the embodiment of Pride, he took in pride in everything that he does, which included you. He was the reflection of perfection, and he were going to make sure that you and your relationship with him would reflect that too

He couldn’t help it. He was the oldest and the brother in charge, and that control transferred into your relationship. There was no room for backtalk or disobedience with him, it was his word, and his word was final

But, it was coming from a good place (in his eyes). He only wanted the best for you, because you deserved the best. And you’re a human, one of the weakest beings to ever exist that demons wouldn’t hesitate to rip limb from limb for fun. And he already lost you once due to his negligence. If he was there, if he knew what you were up to, if he knew your every move, then it wouldn’t have taken place. If he takes control, you would be safe. Sure, you would complain about wanting your “freedom” back (relax MC, he didn’t lock you up yet), but this was the best course of action. 

Being the Avatar of Pride and the oldest (and most powerful) of all the brothers, Lucifer was intimidating. He knew the power and the weight that his name holds in the Devildom, he wasn’t Diavolo’s right hand man for nothing. So with that being said, he didn’t have to worry about any lesser demon even thinking about trying to take you away. 

He didn’t see anyone as competition. Psh, do you see who he is? If anything, he sees these “competitors” as nuisances. Annoyances that didn’t know how to go away when they noticed that they weren’t welcomed. They weren’t going to take you away, they won’t even get the chance to be physically close to you, but...

He didn’t have a problem in making an example out of one or two people, as a matter of fact he relished it in. Have them on display for the whole Devildom to see. After looking at their disfigured and nearly destroyed bodies, the message is made clear: to make sure that it’s known that you are off limits completely

He loves you MC, and you may not understand that when he hovers over you, demanding that you never leave his sight, when he makes it to where none of your friends talk to you anymore (when they see you both walking, they immediately turn the other way like they haven’t seen you at all), and even when your time with the other brothers is limited to the point where you see him and only him, but he truly does love you

Lucifer loves you. He let his walls down and even swallowed his pride when he admitted this to you, and he doesn’t want to regret it. Which is why he had to be the dominant force in this relationship. He wasn’t going to lose you again, he refused to. No one was going to take you away from him, lest they incur the wrath of the firstborn

Mammon

This demon was already clingy, so just amp it up to an 1000

Mammon already gets picked on by demons, witches, and even his own family. So when you started to defend and comfort him, he was smitten. You, a mere human, making the Great Mammon feel butterflies in his stomach? Had you told Mammon this 100s of years ago that he would fall in love with a human, he would have laughed in your face and blew you off. But here he was, head over heels in love with you

He was already following you, since he was deemed your protector, and he took that title very seriously.

“Oi MC, stay close with me, that creep’s walking too close.” “Human, ‘ya need to let me walk with you every class, what if some no-good demon’s plannin’ something and I’m not there?!” “MC, stay away from that scumbag, I don’t like him being near you...”

Your safety wasn’t a game, it wasn’t a risk he would be taking like he’s playing a game of poker. No. He loves you, and he hasn’t felt this kind of warmth since his days in the Celestial Realm. If it means that he would never leave your side (and trust me, he’s not complaining), then he was happy about it. Ecstatic even. You were a pure soul and you made him smile everyday, he wasn’t willing to lose you by a longshot

He escalated from being a puppy to a growling rabid demon, baring his fangs at anyone he deemed a threat (which was starting to be an alarming rate of people, even people that you both personally knew). Mammon would always have some sort of grip on you, ready to pull you away under the guise that he was defending you. It got to a point where it just seemed like he was always on edge, just picking fights for no reason, and it got to the point where you confronted him about it. These people were your friends! They weren’t random demons trying to eat you alive, they weren’t trying to torture you for entertainment, and you are your own person! You’re not just some possession, and you’re not a child! You can take care of yourself-

He didn’t like that at all

You didn’t understand it, you’re a weakling compared to everyone here, and you wouldn’t make it by yourself (was Belphie not enough proof of that statement?!). You needed Mammon, and he was going to be there protecting you, whether you wanted it or not. He failed once, and got a second chance, and he wasn’t going to waste it. And if you didn’t want his protection, that’s okay. You’ll grow to live and love him soon enough

Many people forget that while Mammon does act childish and does rather stupid things at times, he is the second born. The second most powerful brother right after Lucifer himself. He won’t (or at least tries not to) do these acts in front of you, no. He knows how vulnerable you can be, you’re not used to seeing vicious acts like these in front of you, but he is. Your classmate that wanted to do a study date for a big test? He’s trying to curse you so he can hurt you Canceled last minute and unenrolled from the class next day. Beel’s teammate that asked you for your number? He obviously wants to get some inside info to harm you Bones broken beyond repair to the point where he couldn’t play Fangol anymore and left in despair (you were only trying to plan a surprise for Beel since he’s been working so hard). The demon that accidentally bumped into you on the street? He tried to attack you and Mammon stepped in before it got worse You personally saw what he was capable of before you begged him to stop. 

All in all, he’s the Avatar of Greed, it’s in his nature to be selfish. Before, he hated himself for how low his sin would make him feel, but damn did it feel good to indulge in it with it came to you

Leviathan

Out of all the bros to go yandere, he would be one of the worst to encounter. Good luck MC, cause you’re gonna need it dealing with his yandere side

Being that his sin is jealousy, it’s just a disaster waiting to happen. Why were you ALWAYS talking to his brothers and not him?! It’s not fair, it’s not fair!-

On top of that, he can be very manipulative, and he knows it. Whenever he talks down on himself, saying that he can understand why you would want to talk to other people instead of him. After all, he’s just a icky otaku who’s a worthless excuse for the third strongest brother-

Whenever he has this spouts, he knows that you’ll drop everything and come reassure him. You can always reschedule, he needs you now

With Levi, he knows what he’s doing is wrong, but he can’t help it, and he doesn’t care to. It took him so long to find real affection, and even then he still had his suspicions. You don’t really care for him if you keep trying to leave him, you don’t! Clearly, your love was just an act. If you really did love him, then wouldn’t you spend all of your time with him and no one else? 

He knew that you couldn’t physically be with him forever, you weren’t immortal after all. But that didn’t mean that you couldn’t spend your remaining time with him. You could switch to online classes like him, constant anime and TSL marathons, and you could even watch him stream live! That sounded like heaven (ironically) to him and it would make him beyond happy, so why aren’t you agreeing with him? You would do this if Mammon asked or even if your hex classmate begged you too, so why not do it for him?? Was he not enough for you?! He knew that someone would try to steal you, and there will be hell to pay

Another thing, Levi was smart. Granted, not as book smart as Satan, but he was smart and sly. Always being stuck in his room, it gave him the chance to be stealthy since no one ever expects him to leave (unless it was for a rare appearance at RAD for student council meetings or something he was actually excited for and wouldn’t shut up about it). This gives him time for what needs to be done: collecting some “personal souvenirs” for himself and getting rid of some scum

Levi is like Mammon, many people forget that not only is he the third strongest, but he is the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy. They just don’t see him in this position of power because of his image as the shut-in otaku who fanboys over Ruri-Chan. But when he breaks out of that mentality, people should worry...

He doesn’t like to be super messy, his route is silent but quick. Doesn’t mean that it would be painless though, just quick and without much of a mess. Being an reptile/aquatic demon does have its perks, especially when it comes to using his venom

Levi, while he struggles with openly expressing his feelings, won’t have that much of an issue showing you how he feels. He may not be able to say it with words confidently, but he can definitely show you how he truly feels by never letting you go

Satan

Another one to where if he went yandere, he would be the worst to deal with

Satan, while he had a better handle on his emotions, still struggled from time to time. He is the Avatar of Wrath, and yes, you all didn’t feel like you had to walk on eggshells when conversing with him, it didn’t mean that you could just say or do anything

He still reacted in his angry ways, but it wasn’t nearly as ruthless as how it was before. For example, if you spilled something on him by accident, he’ll be just a little irritated, but after looking at your guilty expression, it would slowly drift away. He knows that you aren’t idiotic like some of his brothers , and it was you, he couldn’t stay mad at you no matter how much he tried. It would eat at him, anger turning into sadness, then clarity and understanding. And you were to thank for that

After the whole body swap fiasco, he gotten better with understanding emotions other than the usual fury that flowed through his body. And the ones that you would make him feel got him addicted, to say the least

Like Levi, he starts to understand that what he is doing can’t be right, but he doesn’t understand why. Satan, one of (if not) the smartest of the brothers, could not figure out what you were making him feel, until it finally hit him when you said the three words he desperately didn’t know that he needed to hear:

“Thank you so much, Satan! Seriously, I love you.” 

This feeling became much clearer now. This...was how true love felt? Like the ones that he read so much about? This was like a dream come true then. He, a demon that born from literal wrath, was receiving genuine love. Someone loved him, and he refused to let that go. 

He would occupy your time and space more, always offering to help you study for some tests or completing assignments, and even inviting you to come read with him. This was fine, it wasn’t an issue. 

What was the issue was how territorial he was getting of you. Whenever someone else wanted to hang out or just be in your presence, Satan would lose his cool. It would start out slowly building with him making snarky comments out loud, saying that they were boring you and wasting your time when you could be with him. Then it would lead to him lingering around, sticking close to your side by either grasping your hand or, if he was feeling extra possessive, an arm wrapped tightly around your waist with him giving a threatening look at the offender. If none of these things were working however (Diavolo forbid if the person was ignoring him or even acting smug), he was ready to explode.

He didn’t want to scare you anymore than he already had. Satan knew that in the past that he used his reputation as the Avatar of Wrath to strike fear into people, including you when you first arrived here. But he was a new demon! He couldn’t make his anger or wrath go away, but he could control it and find new ways to release it instead of the usual rampages. And he wanted to prove to you that he wasn’t just the rage-filled demon, but a man that was more than capable of loving you

But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, let this person get off scot-free. You noticed how tense he was getting, and before you could even blink he already had them dangling by their neck. You could make out some of the things he was saying, “How dare you think you can take MC away from me?! I won’t hesitate to end your pathetic existence if you so much as glance at them-”. He could feel you tugging at him, pleading at him to please calm down and that you could both just leave-

Well, why didn’t you say so earlier MC? All of this could have been avoided if you were just with him this entire time instead of this filth. As long as you kept giving him this euphoric feeling and have him feeling like he’s on Cloud 9, then everything will be fine. A non-rampaging Satan is a happy Satan, and a happy Satan is good for you and everyone around. Just stay in his presence, just give him love, and everything will be peaceful.

Satan is not a merciful demon, and when he acts on his wrath it gets very gruesome. If you want people to keep their body parts attached and not scattered across the Devildom (and not find their bloody heart at your door since they wanted you to have it so much), then don’t stray away from him. When Satan is with you, he feels content with everything, and he doesn’t want that to change. He wants you to be happy with him like he is with you, and he won’t let anyone get in the way of that

You were the beauty to his beast, and he was going to get his happy ever after, even if he had to tear through and rip apart every single person in the way, one by one

Asmodeus

Getting the Avatar of Lust to fall in love with you is a feat that was rarely (if not ever) obtained. It was both a blessing and a curse

A blessing to where you got the treasured fifth born to show you just how much he appreciates you for you, and only wanted your eyes set on him. A curse to where he only wanted your attention, and was furious if your eyes wandered off him for a millisecond.

You knew how Asmo was, he lived for the attention, the spotlight on him and only him, with people announcing their undying love and affection just for him. But there was a glaring problem with this

Asmo wanted you announcing your undying love and affection just for him. He loved his fans, but he didn’t love them like he loved you, and that was a problem for him. You made him fall in love with you, so it’s only fair that you deal with it, right? It’s only fair to love him as much as he did you right? Really, you were the one that was suppose to be madly in love with him, not the other way around

It doesn’t matter what you answered, loving him was the only choice that you had. Your head should be filled with thoughts of Asmo, your attention only set on him, your pretty lips only speaking praises and “I love you” just for him, you should dedicated to Asmo and only Asmo

What did you do to make him fall so hard for you? He’s no stranger to having flings and the feeling of love in general. In the past, he’s convinced himself that he was in love with certain people, but it would never last, the “love” that he felt fleeting. So for you to make him feel this emotion, to feel this true love for so long and it not leave him yet frightened him so much. He wanted you to need him, to feel like he’s your very reason to breath, to live. 

And he hated it when other people took your attention away

Asmo definitely wasn’t the one to be messy (he still has to look his best and some pieces of trash was not about to change that), so he lets his charm do the job, literally. Who could deny his request when he tells them that they should just leave MC alone forever, and that maybe they should go pay Cerberus a visit if they’re so desperate for some attention.

All in all, Asmo is borderline delusional that loving him is by giving him your attention, always and forever. He loves you, and the bare minimum that you’ve been giving him (in his eyes) isn’t enough anymore. He deserves your love and affection at all times, even if it means that he would be the only person in your life, then that was even better. Your love was only fitted for perfection, and he was perfection, no one else

Beelzebub

Okay, so Beel is already the nicest brother out of the bunch, so I think he would be the least concerning yandere to worry about 

He’s already soft when it comes to you and his family, and he’s protective of you

He’s very, very protective of you

Beel, although he’s among the youngest, is one of the strongest physically. He’s muscular and the tallest out of the family. He doesn’t even need to open his mouth to threaten anyone, he can just stand there and stare menacingly in the background, and whoever was there would run for the hills 

He’s always around you, which isn’t a bad thing. All he does is eat (which he offered to share and even feed to you), make small talk, and walk with you to wherever you needed to go. Besides, to you Beel is a big cuddly teddy bear (just with really sharp teeth). He wouldn’t hurt anyone without reason. As long as no one was trying to take you away or hurt you, then everything was fine. 

He is willing to share you, but only with Belphie. He’s used to sharing with his twin, and he loved the both of you too much to be completely selfish with you. Plus, he knew that Belphie loved you too. This was the perfect reality for him: having you, his twin, and food. It makes him and Belphie happy, and they’ll make you happy along with keeping you safe

Now, if someone did have the courage to try anything with you, Beel would have no problems eliminating the issue. He’s a nice guy, but he won’t tolerate anything if it deals with his family. He’ll be conscious enough to where he won’t handle it in front of you, if anything he won’t even leave a trace. He’s the Avatar of Gluttony after all, he always has an appetite. 

Beel is a very understanding, but also very wary, guy. After the Fall and losing his baby sister Lilith and having Belphie taken too, he’s terrified that something can and is bound to happen to you again. He will be ready this time, he won’t take anything else as an answer. You’ll still have your freedom, and you can still hang around some of your friends (at least for now), but just know that Beel will always be around. He’ll be like your second shadow, and always on the go. He loves you, and he refuses to lose anyone else that he loves. 

Belphegor

This man was already yandere, let’s be real

After the whole situation happened and he was given a second chance to build a real relationship with you, he wasn’t going to screw it up. Believe it or not, despite his laziness, he was going to try his hardest to create a genuine bond with you. Actions speak louder than words after all, and he wanted to show you how much he’s changed. He was indebted to you, you gave him the chance to be with Beel again, and to get out of that cursed attic (even though he did kill you afterwards and was playing you like a fool)

Very possessive and very selfish. If he had to share, it would only be with his twin obviously. No one else was going to have you, and he would make sure that was a fact. After all, all he needed was you and Beel, no one else

Also like Levi, very manipulative. He doesn’t want to be that way, but if it keeps you by his side and no one else’s then oh well, he’ll get over it. If it has to be done, it has to be done

You don’t need to go to that party with Asmo, it’s time for your nightly cuddle sessions. Don’t go with that idiot Mammon, he wants his cuddles now. Why are you going with Diavolo and Lucifer? Are you forgetting what they did to him, what his dear older brother did to him to save face? See what you did, you made him sad, maybe if you take a nap with him and forget about everyone else he’ll start to feel a little bit better...

He’s lazy, but don’t take his laziness for weakness. If someone is really starting to become a bother, he’ll happily eradicate the threat. He’ll leave the body behind too, he wouldn’t feel like cleaning up. Plus, he would be proud of his work. Many people think that just because his sin is Sloth is that he’s a puny demon, but they also forget that he’s one of the most powerful demons to even grace Hell. And like Satan, he’s not very merciful. He won’t be as savage and bloodthirsty like him, but he’ll make sure that the problem goes in an agonizing way. 

MC, just know that Belphie loves you for you, and not because of the Lilith revelation. His words may not come across like he does, but what he doesn’t say with his words, he makes up for in action. I mean, you don’t have to worry about other demons being a pain because he’ll make sure that they’ll go away, and plus you can just stay in their room! Studies show that sleeping next to someone you love is super healthy and helps you sleep better in general, and who else is better for the job than him?

He’s going to prove to you that he really loves you, he’s not going to make any more mistakes, and he’s not going to have any more regrets when it comes to you, he’s going to make sure of that. No one is going to get in the way of the ideal dream: just you, him, and Beel. Not random demons, not the other exchange students, not even Diavolo. No one was getting in the way, no one. 

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 19 | S.R.)

Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Finale |

Summary: Reader and Spencer share the night together following her doctor’s appointment. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Fingering, penetrative sex, degradation, daddy kink, Adults w/ Age Gap (10yr), spitting kink, unprotected sex (creampie), vague mention of subdrop, aftercare included Word Count: 6.2k

MASTERLIST

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There was something about the BAU bullpen that felt like another world. The open layout and the way it could shift from frantic rushing to bored silence in seconds sometimes made me feel like I was the most normal person contained within its walls. It was a rare sight, to see me there, and for good reason. I didn’t like to be there, considering most of my time there had been spent being questioned about homicide.

But it wasn’t like that, not that morning. I’d finished my doctor’s appointment early enough that I could hopefully locate the elusive Dr. Reid before he took off for lunch. And sure enough, just as I excitedly bounced over to his desk, I heard the ever-excited, yet comforting squeak of my boyfriend as he returned with a freshly poured cup of coffee.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” he practically yelled through a smile, rushing over to drop the mug on his desk. He couldn’t do it fast enough and barely made it. Once the mug was barely safe on the desk, his arms raced to wrap around me.

I giggled at the enthusiasm, considering it’d only been a couple hours since I saw him. But I was ecstatic to be with him and share the news I’d tucked away to keep safe on the way over. It was too much to bear by myself for long, and I knew he would be happy to help carry the load.

“I finished my appointment early and since I was in the neighborhood, I wanted to come see my boyfriend and give him the good news in person.” I explained. Spencer eyed me cautiously, careful not to get too far ahead of himself. I looked back with what I’d hoped was a cheeky grin, but I had a feeling it just turned into a goofy, toothy grin. Just as Spencer figured it out and his eyebrows shot up, another voice joined us.

“Mia stellina!” Rossi boomed, the bass carrying through the room like it always seemed to. It was the kind of joyful exclamation that demanded your attention, no matter how dark the circumstances surrounding you were. I knew that from personal experience.

I laughed again as he enveloped both me and Spencer in a hug that the latter only kind-of-sort-of cringed away from.

“Reid didn’t tell us that you were coming in today! I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

I snorted at the implication, stepping back to buy back my breathing space. “You’re never a bother, Rossi.” And I meant it, even if he had just interrupted mine and Spencer’s very important conversation. I could table it for a moment, though. There hadn’t been many chances for me to talk to Rossi since the hospital. Although he'd visited less frequently than Derek or Hotch, he'd still come by often enough for me to miss him. He was, by far, the most unique member of the team. People always assumed it would be Penelope, but I stuck with my contention that it’s the quieter ones you have to keep an eye on. Not that Rossi didn’t love to talk, and especially when it granted him the ability to name-drop.

“This is why I like you,” he casually reminded, waving off a slightly offended Spencer on his side. “And I trust that Reid already told you about the plans for next weekend.”

As soon as I turned to look at Spencer, he immediately looked away.

Luckily, Rossi wasn’t obtuse and quickly recognized the display of guilt. “I stand corrected.”

“What plans?” I butted in before either of them could speak. Spencer grimaced at the monotone, as he was fully aware of the level of annoyed it signaled.

“I told him to extend you an invite to the next family dinner, but it seems like he’s selfishly planning on keeping you all to himself.” Rossi’s playful tone was his way of requesting I give Spencer a break, but I wasn’t in the mood for forgiveness just yet. After spending months trapped in my bed, I was always looking for an excuse to talk to anyone that wasn’t my roommate. And when it came to the team... I mean, they were like his family. It made sense I wanted their approval, right? Or was I really, honestly just seeking the approval of men like Hotch and Rossi because of my “daddy issues?” And oh, god, I didn’t want to delve into that psychology.

“How rude,” I deadpanned, instead, elbowing Spencer’s side just enough to elicit a pained exhale and an explanation.

“I was going to tell her. I was just waiting until we actually knew when it was going to happen.”

“He’s lying,” I told Rossi, earning a very adamant, denial from Spencer in the process that I brushed off. We both did. The pout that immediately followed was harder to ignore, but I could be strong.

Honestly, it was just funny to see him in this environment. When he was alone with me, he was usually the one in charge, but at work, Spencer was hardly that. It was the only chance I had to tease the ever living shit out of him with little chance of immediate consequences.

“Yeah, he’s lying,” Rossi easily deduced, waving a dismissive hand at Spencer before continuing, “But luckily, you were here. And whenever it happens, I hope that you’ll be there, too. It’s important for you to have a chance to socialize with us outside of the job.”

I smiled, finally looping my arm around Spencer’s to hopefully ease the pain caused by being ignored. Rossi, however, didn’t seem to be on the same wavelength, considering he gave another quick quip. “Hopefully you’ll bring the kid with you,” he teased as he turned away, pointing to the notably older and larger man at my side.

“How am I the kid in this scenario?” Spencer muttered under his breath, the pout still on his face, and still just as cute.

“Will do, Rossi,” I happily chirped.

“Thank you, stellina.” Rossi said with a wink, casually bringing both hands to his lips to blow each of us a kiss.

Once Rossi was fully out of earshot, Spencer sighed in resignation. He had complained before about the fact that the team had immediately felt comfortable with me, contrary to his own experience. But of course, it wasn’t fair to compare. I'd come into their lives piggybacking on their close relationship with him. Spencer didn’t see it that way, though.

“Why do you get a nickname?” he grumbled, dropping his head to the side to rest atop mine.

I didn’t let him rest there long, pushing him back away from me so that I could stand before him again. With my fingers under my chin, I flashed the brightest smile I could while dramatically emphasizing, “Because I’m a little star.”

Spencer looked down at me with a gentle adoration, his hand coming up to brush over my cheek. My face followed after him, desperate for any contact he could offer in the sterile environment. It didn’t really make much sense how touch starved I was; it wasn’t like he hadn’t touched me over the past couple months. Or even that he'd touched me any less-- if anything, it had been more.

But then again, how could I ever get enough? I was certain Spencer would call me spoiled, and in many ways, I was, but I didn’t care. If I could find a way to bottle up the way I felt when he held me, I would. Lord knows there were so many times when I'd needed it and he wasn’t there. I wouldn’t ever admit that to him, though. What would be the point?

He couldn’t always be there. Sometimes he would have to leave. 

Unaware of the dramatic monologue in my head, my boyfriend sighed. His lips pursed again while he watched my eyes soften the longer that he held my face. “You certainly are little,” he concluded. I knew he wanted to say more but feared doing so might lead the conversation down a path less suited for work. Although, what I had planned wasn’t exactly work appropriate, either.

“You know we’re definitely going, right?” I replied, peeking my tongue out from behind my lips.

With a loud groan, he took his hand back like the question had burned him. “Fine,” he conceded before quickly shifting the conversation, “but I’m more interested in what you came here to tell me. How did your appointment go?”

“It went very well. I got wonderful news,” I beamed. There were many idiosyncrasies of Dr. Spencer Reid that I absolutely adored, but one of my favorites happened to be the one where his eyebrows jumped halfway up his forehead, his eyes going wide with a curious glint. Just like they did then.

“Does this news mean you’ll be staying at my place tonight?”

“It can…” As I spoke, I wrapped both of my arms around his arm and pulled him down to whisper in his ear, “unless you want to take a long lunch break and get a head start.”

“Someone’s eager,” he replied with a snort that didn’t sound nearly as promising as I’d hoped.

“Can you blame me?”

Before I could sulk too hard, he poked me on the forehead and chuckled at the resistance I gave to the action. “Lunch, unfortunately, would not give me enough time for what I want to do to you,” he practically purred in a barely-there whisper against my ear. “When I get home, I want to find you on my bed with nothing on. Do you understand me, little girl?”

“Yes.” I had to stop myself from making too much noise, but a pathetic whimper slipped out before I could stop it.

“Good girl,” he whispered with his retreat, “I’ll see you then.”

Suddenly, I couldn’t wait for the hours to pass me by. I couldn’t stay at the BAU for long, recognizing a sudden shift of energy as JJ began rushing them into the office right before I left. At first, I thought it was a case, but Spencer assured me it wasn’t. He promised me that he would be home that night, and that I didn’t need to worry.

But the hours did not fly by; they took their sweet fucking time. I didn’t even bother waiting in the bed for most of them. I honestly spent nearly 8 of them rifling through the shelves in his living room, looking for a book that was both from this century and actually in English.

After I’d rifled through his cupboards and realized that he didn’t have any food, I went to the grocery store and bought food, returned, unloaded the bags, cooked and ate dinner before I came to one simple conclusion:

Spencer Reid was a filthy goddamn liar.

That was my admittedly grumpy thought when I finally crawled into his still empty bed in his even lonelier apartment. His pillow smelled enough like him that I could hug it and pretend that I wasn’t waiting for someone who was probably not going to come back anytime soon. I thought about going home, but I decided being lonely in his bed was better than being alone in my own.

My temper tantrum  kept my face sulkily buried in his pillow, so when my phone started to ring, I didn’t notice it. I didn’t notice much of anything, and before I knew it, I’d drifted off into a world where Spencer could keep his promises because his job didn’t suck.

Of course, even in my sadness my mind drifted to other memories spent there. I’d fallen back into the loop of memories of the last time we were together. I could almost feel his breath against my thighs and his hands raking over my hips. And like it always seemed to, reality and fantasy began to blur. Spencer’s hand on my thigh felt so hot, I was burning beneath it. My whole body tensed, my back arching in the hopes of finding him.

I wasn’t sure which woke me first, the low, gentle chuckle, or the whisper in my ear.

“Maybe I should change your nickname to Aurora.”

I sat up before I even registered the words. Reacting to his voice alone, my arms were already around him and dragging him back down before he could say anything else.

“You’re home!” I shouted, groggy but happy to not be alone. If I’d looked at the clock, I would have seen the hands pointing to the early hours of the next day, but it hardly mattered anymore. All that mattered to me was that he was there, in my arms.

“I guess it’s my fault for not specifying that you should be awake when I got home.”

Answering him with a sloppy, sleepy kiss on the lips, I relished the way he couldn’t stop himself from laughing through it. “I’m awake now,” I answered with a very poorly timed yawn. It luckily didn’t dissuade him, and his hands quickly worked up over my hips and beneath the sheer negligee I’d worn to bed hours earlier. 

“What’s this? I could have sworn my instructions were to not wear anything,” he chastised with a smile.

“I don’t follow instructions. You already knew that,” I mumbled back. It wasn’t until I ran my hands through his hair that I realized that he’d already stripped down to nothing before waking me up.

How considerate.

His curls seemed so much longer than before, and the movements seemed to distract him enough to grant me some mercy. We both knew why I didn’t want to be naked yet. And it really was a ‘yet.’ I truly believed that I’d eventually be able to own my body again, but that point just seemed so far in the future. Spencer didn’t want to push it. Not that night.

“I’ll let it slide this time.” He shared the words with kisses over my jaw and neck, his hands growing hungrier by the second. They skipped straight from my hips to my chest, grabbing hold of my breasts through the thin fabric. He was almost out of breath already when he murmured, “Before we do anything, you have to promise me you’ll stop me if it hurts.”

“I know, Spencer,” I droned, but he kept going.

“I mean it. Any sign of discomfort, you have to tell me.”

“I know!” I shouted with a laugh, struggling to push him away while he continued to cling to me. Finally having managed to do it, I promptly fell back onto the pillow. As I rolled my body over to lay flat, I managed to grab hold well enough that I could pull him over top of me. “Don’t ruin the mood!”

He stopped to admire the sight before him. All I could see, though, was the way he looked at me. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me like that. He looked at me like he loved me so much he wanted to break me. I wished he would.

“How could I ruin anything when you look so fucking perfect laid out in my bed for me?” He growled, his nails dragging over the sensitive skin of my chest.

I couldn’t tell if it was his intention or some kind of Freudian slip, but I was reminded of the day I marred his chest with a necklace-shaped mark in a very similar fashion. The memory made me giggle. “I’m not so innocent.” The understatement of the century.

“Maybe not, but there are still a lot of things I’ve yet to show you.”

I was waiting for the but. I knew it was coming.

“But for now, we’re going to go slow.”

And there it was. I thought to myself how ridiculously unfair it was that having a good boyfriend meant actually being able to rely on them to take care of you. Even armed with the knowledge of my masochistic tendencies, Spencer was too scared to seriously hurt me. Thankfully, though, he wasn’t scared enough to stop him from sliding his hand up my thigh and slipping his finger into my drenched heat.

“The question is how slow?” he teased, recognizing from the rocking of my hips that I was more than prepared to have him then. “How much should I torture you, little girl?”

“Please,” was the only word I could whine at first, but I still saw too much restraint in his eyes. I knew that if I didn’t convince him now, I might be there for hours before he gave me what I wanted. It wasn’t the worst idea, but judging by his already bloodshot eyes, I figured I might as well speed things along.

“Please, daddy,” I whimpered much louder, tilting my hips up to present myself to him. I could feel his erection pressed against me, his palm pressing down as he struggled to decide if he even wanted to keep me in place. I could see that desire to destroy me return to his eye with a vengeance. He knew that I was challenging him, but then again, when did I not?

“Take care of me,” I begged. That was the way I succeeded in breaking Spencer; in turn, he would break me.

He grabbed my legs so quickly and roughly that I was almost dizzy with it. Wrapping them around his own hips, he lined himself up and began dragging the head of his cock over my sex. Low and wildly shaking, Spencer’s words were only barely audible over the sound of the blood rushing in my veins.

“Are you ready?” he asked, like my answer would ever change.

“Yes!” I shouted, nodding like my words wouldn’t be enough.

Spencer had barely waited for the confirmation. Inch by inch, he slowly stretched me open like it was the very first time he touched me. His movements were so precise, so gentle and undoubtedly tender, that I thought I might actually cry.

I had almost forgotten what it felt like when he touched me like that. I would never admit it to him, but with every passing second, I could feel the love rushing back to me. That connection that had felt strained was reinforced and reasserted.

He just felt so fucking good. And apparently, Spencer had similar thoughts in mind.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, his head falling forward to knock our foreheads together. There was clearly so much effort going into not hurting me that I just found myself hoping he was still enjoying it. That train of thought made it more difficult when his next question came. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it feels so fucking good,” I sobbed, and it was the truth. My hips, though already growing tired thanks to the months of disuse, struggled to try and take more of him. And even when he was fully inside me, I still cried out to him. “Please, Spencer!”

“Be patient,” he said with a grunt, his hips pulling back just enough for him to slam into me with more force. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

The words made a swarm of butterflies burst through my lower half that already felt so full with him. The statement just sounded so perfectly selfish in a way I’d been dying to feel for months. I wanted him to reap the rewards he’d so obviously earned. I wanted to give them to him, really, but I just couldn’t make it too easy. It wasn’t our style.

“So it’s not about taking care of me anymore, is it?” I pouted, although my lips quickly parted again as Spencer increased his pace in response.

“Are you not satisfied, little girl?” he teased, reaching up with one hand to wrap around my hair, forcing my head back among the pillows while he started to drive into me at a reckless pace. “Do you need me to fuck you harder?”

“Yes!” I yelled, my hands reaching for him, digging into his skin and bringing him closer to me. “I want it. Give it to me.”

Whether he sensed the desperation in my voice or simply couldn’t hold it back any longer, Spencer showed an uncharacteristic level of mercy on me. He barely protested at all before giving into my demands. Holding my head back in that same craned position, he laid sloppy kisses over my throat before whispering, “My little girl gets whatever she wants.”

There were no more words on my mind besides his name, which I recited over and over like a prayer. Each time he filled me, my eyes could barely stay open and my lips were nearly bruised from my constant biting. It was easy to forget that the rest of the world existed— that it was past midnight on a weeknight and everyone in the surrounding apartments would probably fucking hate us.

But Spencer didn’t seem to care either. Well, that’s a misstatement. Spencer definitely cared about my volume, but he didn’t care about other people not being able to hear it. He made that quite clear when he gripped my lower jaw in one hand and pulled it down, forcing my mouth open for him.

He had that look in his eyes again. The one that told me there were entire worlds in his mind that I hadn’t seen. Deeply hidden desires lurking just under the rippling surface. I wondered how far they went and just how much Spencer would hurt me if I could convince him to.

��Tell me what you want,” he ordered through clenched teeth, his jaw tensed and eyes still burning. There was a hurricane happening behind those hazel rings, and I wanted him to let it out.

I didn’t know how to ask him to do that; to convince him to break me even while I lay before him already broken and barely keeping it together. I did the only thing I could think to do with his hand still holding my mouth open to him and presented my tongue to him.

Spencer tried to remain composed and stoic as ever, but his body betrayed in him the same way it always did. His eyes. From the second they flickered down to see what I was asking for, his pupils blew out and swallowed the comforting toffee color of his irises.

With an even darker tone, Spencer chuckled, “You’re a filthy, greedy bitch.”

It’s hard to explain how much the words filled every part of my body. The way goosebumps rippled over my skin and an undeniable, almost unbearable heat burned at my face. It only got worse when Spencer finally did as I asked, gathering the saliva in his mouth just to drop it into my own.

The second it hit my tongue, I felt so irrefutably his that I was high with it. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I swallowed between hungry gasps for air. And when it was over, I presented my tongue to him again.

I did so good, sir. Please tell me that I’m good, sir.

There were no words, but Spencer praised me in his actions. He lowered his mouth to mine, his tongue sliding against mine until our mouths were connected in the basest manner. For all the destructive power he held, he kissed me so softly. He still kissed me like he loved me.

Neither of us lasted much longer. Spencer’s hand slid from my jaw to rest on my neck, and a moan tore through my chest. Even though he applied no pressure, the casual reminder of what he could do to me was all that I needed. I lost myself in the bliss of him, my hands tangled in his hair and holding his mouth against mine even when I couldn’t kiss him anymore.

His eyes watched me, still covered in the blackness of his pupils and that animalistic desire to claim me however possible. I watched those eyes the entire time I came, wanting to both grant him the submission he deserved while also selfishly wanting to see the control I had over him, too.

Spencer kept his eyes open as he followed after me, unable to resist the calling of my body, begging him to mark, use, and fill it however he pleased. I watched his eyes roll back ever so slightly, his breath hitching as he pulsed inside me in tandem with my walls that held onto him for dear life.

I was his. I'd known that before, but how easily I’d forgotten. How quickly I’d let some stranger and some lead lay claim to me and make me believe that I could be anything but Spencer’s beautiful little girl.

When all semblance of fight left our bodies, Spencer still managed not to collapse on top of me. Apparently not even me letting him spit in my mouth was enough to convince him I was alright. I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him down on top of me, feeling the comfortable weight of him holding my chest down to more manageable breaths.

That was all there was for a while; our heavy breath breezing over sweat-covered skin as we lay tangled together under the sheets. I soaked in the feeling of slightly uncomfortable bliss, enjoying the way that we didn’t care if it wasn’t perfect because it felt close enough to us.

“I missed this,” Spencer said under his breath. It was a rare showing of selfish honesty— the first time he’d admitted to me that he had been having to hold part of himself back for months. He hadn’t been able to love me like he wanted, either. He might have been worried that I would take it the wrong way, but in reality, I had never felt so relieved to hear it.

“Me too.” I returned, trying to assuage his guilt as much as I could. I knew it wouldn’t do much, but I needed him to understand how grateful I was to share the moment with him.

Then again… They do say that laughter is the best medicine. So with a bit of a giggle, I mumbled, “Not so much the next part, but this one, yeah.”

With a small, sleepy chuckle, Spencer slurred against the pillow, “You’re such a romantic.”

“Says the asshole who doesn’t have to get up,” I reminded him. I struggled to move underneath him as he seemed to drop even more dead weight on top of me.

Like I said: Asshole.

“I wish you didn’t have to get up. I don’t want to let you go yet.”

I rolled my eyes, continuing to push at his stubborn shoulders while huffing back, “It’ll only be a few minutes, Spencer. The bathroom is right there.”

Nuzzling his face into my neck, he mumbled back, “Too long.”

“I can never tell if you’re more of an old man or a big baby.”

“I don’t know, let’s stay here and talk about it for a long time,” he answered with a laugh. I hated the fact that I laughed too, my attempts to shove him off finally ceasing. He pulled his head back, looking at me with all the love in the world.

I wasn’t ready for him to look at me like that. I couldn’t explain why, but the idea of him loving me still felt so terrifying. That fear was compounded by the realization that he might see it.

“Get up, idiot,” I replied to hide that emotion. It also helped to distract me from my own thoughts, and I ended up biting on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling. It didn’t work.

“You’re so mean to me,” Spencer whined as he slowly removed himself with a small grunt.

“Only when you deserve it.”

Normally I would have eagerly gotten up myself, but I realized then just how painful it was to move. Spencer watched me with a massive, overwhelming guilt that formed before I could even think of how to prevent it. I decided it wasn’t worth it to try. It wouldn’t work. I just let him guide my legs off the bed so that I could shakily stand and shuffle off to the bathroom.

The best part about the time alone was being able to pull myself together and massage the angry scar tissue.

It won’t always be like this, I reminded myself, we can be beautiful again without it hurting.

That was the pep talk, anyway. It was the thing that got me back into the room and under the covers. Curling up by his side was like nature’s medicine. All of my muscles relaxed against him... until he turned around and ruined the perfect comfortable position.

Groaning in the least attractive manner, I pouted the entire time we readjusted. But despite my protests, Spencer looked as happy and comfortable as ever. Plopping my head back down on the pillow, I narrowed my eyes at his contemplation.

“What?”

“L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle,” he answered, which really only led to my confused face shifting to confused and incredibly turned on again. But one word in particular sounded familiar, as reminded by Rossi earlier in the day. Or rather, the day before.

“I recognize that last word. What are you saying about me, Dr. Reid?”

“It’s the final line in Divina Commedia by Dante Alighieri.” He was doing that cryptic thing again, having apparently not learned his lesson that I would always beat the answer out of him eventually, one way or another

Through a yawn, I mumbled, “What is that, Dante’s Inferno?”

“Well, Inferno is the first section, but I’m quoting Paradiso, which is the third and final installment of the overall work.” And apparently, he was also doing that thing where he taught me really interesting new things when I definitely did not have the brain capacity to understand or retain the information. We both knew I would have to Google it later, so there was no point in lingering.

“Okay, so what does it mean?”

Spencer paused, his gaze sweeping back and forth across my face like he was searching for the proper translation. Like the real answer he sought was something that could only be seen by his eyes. Eventually, he settled on a simpler and equally romantic response.

“It’s the way he describes the piece of Heaven he saw.”

But that still wasn’t good enough for my constantly curious self. It might have been the brat in me, but it was almost like he was avoiding the direct translation. Like I wasn’t smart enough to come to my own conclusion about it. “I’m going to keep asking until you answer me,” I droned, more reminiscent of a nagging two year old rather than a twenty year old. 

“Spoiled,” he remarked, lightly tapping on my nose before he sighed. “It means ‘the love which moves the sun and the other stars.’”

I thought about the words for a minute. Or rather, I thought about trying to think about the words. Unfortunately, my exhaustion and blissed-out brain got the better of me, and the beautiful words whispered, in English this time, went in one ear and out the other. Spencer was giving me a smug little smile, like he could see my cluelessness written on my face.

“I like the Heaven explanation better,” I sneered, trying not to let him win this one just yet. But it was obvious from the way his smile grew that he’d already won. 

“Yeah, I knew you would. You just had to keep asking.”

Snaking my hand around his waist, I pulled myself flush against him. “I’m a very curious kitten, Dr. Reid,” I purred, gently rubbing our noses together in a very successful attempt to distract him from gloating. 

And in a brief flash of self-awareness, I realized how utterly normal I felt. It wasn’t just average; unlike the domestic moments we’d shared over the recovery, this one felt so... natural. There was nothing foreign about his hand on the small of my back, and the rhythm his fingertips tapped felt like a lullaby I’d heard a million times before.

“I wouldn’t want you any other way,” Spencer whispered, breaking me from the brief aside and back into the present. 

“I’m pretty sure you’d have me in any form.” I didn’t laugh yet, but once Spencer joined in, there was no hope left for me.

“Yeah, probably, but you don’t have to point it out!” he whined.

I watched as the color started to form on his face, first starting with his ears and nose before spreading out across his cheeks. That blush, still visible in the dim light, was still one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. I never tired of it. Paired with his embarrassed giggles mingled with my own, I felt the undeniable and overwhelming emotion that could only be described as ‘love.’

When the laughter finally ceased, it was just the two of us in silence again, although now we were so close together that we might as well have been one person. It felt that way sometimes. Not like one might think— it was not the supposedly romantic but strangely depressing idea that we aren’t whole without another. It was more like knowing that I would never be more myself than I was when I was in his arms.

Comfortable. Safe. At home.

“Spencer?” I spoke before he could fully close his eyes that he somehow kept open for me. 

“What’s up?”

“Thank you.”

That seemed to wake him up, which was not at all my intention. In fact, I'd hoped he wouldn’t respond at all and let the words stand. But he must have heard the hidden message behind it, the fear that all good things must come to an end.

“For what?” he asked. His hand on my back started to make soothing strokes under the negligee, reasserting his presence with me.

I considered answering. I thought about word vomiting all of my fears of inadequacy and broken promises and a future of settling for me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin the moment with such stupid things. The feelings would pass with enough time, right? I didn’t want to bother him with it. I didn’t even know if the problems were problems at all.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m happy and I love you,” I said, instead.

Spencer still saw that I was hiding something, but we were both too tired to push it. We could always talk about it in the morning if we remembered, which I was hoping we wouldn’t.

“I wish I could help you understand how much I love you,” he murmured, removing his hand from my back to trace my jaw. “I can tell you that I want to marry you and raise a family with you but… I don’t think it’s enough.

My stomach immediately dropped. It fell so hard that I actually flinched from his hand, my face twisting into an even more obvious grimace. If my hope was for Spencer to sleep, I’d made a grave error. He immediately shot up onto his arm, cupping my face and inspecting my eyes for any persisting sign of pain.

“What’s wrong?” he pressed, his eyes bouncing back and forth between my stomach and eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Nothing is wrong!” I squeaked, my hands flying to his shoulders to pull him back down. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

Our eyes locked in a challenge; a silent back and forth of wills and pleas. And eventually, Spencer started to lower back on the pillow. He’d let me win this one.

“It is past your bedtime,” he said with only a whisper of defeat in his voice.

“It’s past every normal human being’s bedtime, Spencer,” I said before turning away from him in the hope that it would make that concern in his eyes hurt less. It didn’t.

“And you think I’m the old man,” he joked back, snuggling up behind me and sighing into my neck as his hand rested on my hip. “Goodnight, little girl.”

So soon after he spoke, he was already asleep. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so simple for me. Even in his sleep, Spencer’s hands found their way to my stomach. His fingers spread over the expanse of skin like the scars didn’t exist at all. Like it was just as perfect a placement for him to hold onto me as it ever was before. Spencer had a tendency to hold me with so much love that I no longer felt capable of containing it.

It was... suffocating. It took my mind back to images of his blood soaked hands in much of the same position. His hands felt foreign again, and I felt even further away. Like Spencer wasn’t actually there, and neither was I. All that he was holding onto was memory instead of me.

He said he loved me, but he didn’t say why. The only answers my mind would consider were things that had already died months ago. Things that his hands and kisses couldn't fix.

I couldn’t ask him why. I was too afraid of the answer.

 —————————————————

| Part 20 |

[prettywordsyouleft]

Out Of The Shadows - Part 11

Summary: Singing was the only thing that kept you breathing. To Kihyun, you were too talented to step away from. And by a cruel twist of fate, because of him, you became a singer - except you only sang in the shadows.

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x female reader

Genre: idol au / angst / drama / romance

Warnings: Y/N has a serious injury, and ongoing implications from it that might trigger some people. In this part: the dark side of the entertainment industry, some cursing, more emotional angst, talk about Y/N’s injury and how it happened. 

Word count: 2418

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | Final

“I’m so sorry for letting you down.”

Kihyun’s eyes clamped shut as soon as he caught your words, trying not to break down at your admission. When Minhyuk had messaged him that he had crossed paths with you after finishing work, he had raced home with Changkyun, pacing the house back and forth that he was sure he had now made a permanent pathway in his wake.

Changkyun was too silent, his brooding gaze fixated on the wall. Kihyun didn’t know how to deal with his own emotions, let alone whatever Changkyun felt, and so he tried his best to focus on what to say when you were finally here.

All he wanted to know was why you had accepted this deal. He had questioned you recently about the vagueness around your debut, and you had deflected the topic then. Before this mess had finally come to fruition, he would have done anything to get you out of it.

He had told you he would put you up on a stage. Not singing behind it.

Holding you as you cried heartily, Kihyun knew then that he would do anything to make sure you never cried again.

“Do you want a drink or some food, Y/N?” Minhyuk asked after reappearing in comfortable clothing, and you lifted your head away from where you had buried it into Kihyun and nodded.

“I’ll help you get some things together,” Changkyun quietly offered, his deep tone surprising Kihyun after being quiet for so long.

Stepping back, Kihyun gently led you over to the couch in the living area, and you sat down, looking so small and tired. Blaming himself for the umpteenth time, Kihyun crouched down in front of you before smiling as best as he could. “I’m just going to get you some tissues. Wait here.”

He returned with the box and held it out before sitting down beside you. “Do you need to cry more?”

“No,” you replied hoarsely, your gaze drifting around the space you were in. “Your house is nice.”

“Where are you living now?”

“Still in my own home, thankfully. Nina lives—”

“I don’t want to hear about her right now,” he cut in, realising how he sounded a moment after. Sighing, he scrubbed a hand down his face. “I can’t deal with the girl who is pretending to be you just yet.”

“She’s not pretending to be me,” you corrected, and Kihyun snapped his gaze to yours. “I’m lending her my voice.”

“Was that the deal from the beginning?” Changkyun asked when both he and Minhyuk stepped in from the kitchen, bringing some snacks and various drinks over.

“No. Boah would have never let me sign that contract if it was worded that way. I stupidly thought I was going to be the one up on stage. Looking back, I was just fooling myself in thinking like that.”

“Hey, we all thought you were,” Minhyuk reminded.

“I’m kind of embarrassed that I fell for this.”

Kihyun’s temper flared. “If I hadn’t of shared that god damn song around like—”

“It’s been done,” Minhyuk cut in, shooting Kihyun a look before smiling gently at you. “Though I am sorry I was so tough on you before.”

“I’m glad you were. I was trying to delay all this, but really, I feel like only you all can understand.”

Changkyun glared at the wall. “I’m done with this fucking company ruining lives.”

“My life was ruined six years ago,” you replied and then shrugged. “I knew what Terry expected for this project early on, and still I’ve done it.”

“Why?” You looked at Kihyun then, and he watched as your emotions roiled again. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his own down. “Why did you go through with all of this? If you had come to me, I would have—”

“I wanted the world to hear my voice. At first, I was in denial. When I banged into you, I had suspicions that Nina was going to be the one who stood under the limelight, but I kept hoping there would be something more. She’s really sweet and worked really hard—”

Minhyuk groaned. “You’re both being taken advantage of. This isn’t going to last. One day, one of you will slip up, and then the company will let you take the downfall for all of this. You saw what they did to us, to our teamwork. What will you do then?”

“Be grateful that I still had my voice out there. Even if it wasn’t on my own merits.”

“Really?” Kihyun whispered, shaking his head. “But you’re worth more than this.”

“He’s right,” Changkyun stated, and you tore your gaze from Kihyun’s to look at the youngest.

Now was not the time for his jealousy to flare up, but it did, and Kihyun clasped his head in his hand at how messy all this was. It was stupid to wish for a time machine, but that felt like the only way this could be fixed without hurting you.

“I need to, uh… can I take my top off?” you asked when everyone fell silent, and you flushed when three sets of eyes looked at you questioningly. Looking at Kihyun, you cringed. “This hoodie is irritating my skin because I got emotional. Sounds weird, right? Sometimes the nerves start to play up, and I—this is so dumb to have to explain.”

“Will you be okay?” Kihyun questioned, looking at his friends, who were still somewhat confused. He knew what would be under there waiting, but they didn’t.

Not exactly, anyway.

Reaching for the hem of the hoodie, you eased it over your head, and Kihyun noticed how red some of your skin was compared to usual. He held your gaze for a moment, and you sighed, avoiding telling him why your already fragile skin looked so inflamed.

“Holy shit,” Minhyuk breathed, whilst Changkyun’s gaze widened, but he didn’t say anything. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to stare, but… how did you get those marks?”

“I was in a fire,” you mentioned slowly, your gaze unfocused. “So, you see why I won’t ever be up on stage now.”

Despite offering for you to stay longer, you left the dorm after a couple of hours. You didn’t explain your accident any further than you had, though Kihyun spent far too long staring at your arms. Was the stress causing your skin to react like that? Even in a normal setting, you had admitted that every day was a challenge. Knowing on top of that you were dealing with this whole nightmare only plagued his heart further.

There was so much to attempt to fix or improve for you. And he was at a complete loss of how to.

The burdens carried close to Kihyun’s heart as he went through the rest of his week, trying not to let his team down. The overall mood was similar to when Monsta X’s lineup had taken a hit, with everyone solemn and moody. Hyunwoo was doing his best not to allow them to dwell on things during work hours, and Minhyuk and Jooheon had taken on the mood maker roles a little too much for it to seem natural. They were all trying to do their best with the situation they were in, knowing that there wasn’t a whole lot of room to break you free just yet.

But nothing prepared Kihyun for the moment when he met Nina by chance.

“Oh my— it’s an honour to meet you!” she gushed in an energetic, starstruck manner.

Kihyun faced several reactions at once as he stared at the crimson-haired girl. Initially, it was disgust, his skin crawling, knowing that it should have been you that he crossed paths within the MBC building. He even looked to see if you had joined the girl with promotions today, but you were nowhere to be seen. Rage started to grumble up in his chest the more he looked her over, noticing how similar in build she was to the Sistar members that Starship had tried to replicate in trainees.

However, her smile was genuine, and he forced himself to remember Nina was just as much a victim in this scheme as you were. Pity surfaced, and Kihyun inhaled a deep breath, spreading a smile across his face as his hand rose to shake hers. “Starlet, right?”

“Th-that’s me!” she stuttered, her pretty-shaped eyes rounding further in awe. “I’m such a big fan!”

“Is that how you greet each other? Pretending to be professional when you’re both good friends?” a humoured tone interrupted, and Kihyun swivelled to see one of the hosts of a variety show standing behind him eying them both curiously.

Anyone could tell this was a first encounter if they paid attention.

Nina’s eyes flashed with panic, remembering that she was meant to be you. “Ha, well you see uh—”

Knowing that he couldn’t let you be implicated by this, Kihyun grinned brightly at the host. “We promised when we crossed paths that we’d act like senior and rookie artists in a professional setting. Right, Starlet?”

“Yep, that’s right.”

“I’ve always thought you Starship kids were all too close to ignore friendships publicly,” he continued, rubbing at his chin with intrigue.

Slinging an arm around Nina’s shoulders, Kihyun felt her tremble upon contact. “Come on, hyung, we’re trying to promote Starlet in a good light. It’d be no good for her image if we went around like friends do, right?”

“I see your point,” he agreed, easing off the furrow to his brow. “Well, I’m a fan of your beautiful voice, Starlet. My wife listens to your album in the car all the time!”

Nina’s mood wasn’t as bright as before, feeling uncomfortable under the weight of her lies. Kihyun could tell it hurt her to know the compliment wasn’t aimed at her, but your voice behind it all. She nodded softly. “Thank you. I’m honoured.”

With a wave, the host left, and Kihyun’s arm slipped back to his side. “Sorry. We had to sell that.”

“I’m grateful for your quick thinking, Kihyun.”

“Where’s Y/N?” he asked with the pang in his chest growing. He didn’t want to feel this bad for the girl when he still considered she was taking your spot onstage.

“She’s not feeling well.”

“What?”

Nina glanced at him shyly then, rubbing her arms. “Today, I don’t have to sing, so she doesn’t have to follow me around. She’s resting at home.”

“You say that like—”

Nina nodded. “We live together. The company thought it would be best if we assimilate with one another.”

His anger returned as he took in this new information. You couldn’t even escape in the comforts of your own home from this charade.

“Is your manager taking you back to Starship?” he asked, and Nina nodded again.

“I have to practice all night for this week’s performances. You know how it is.”

“Yeah. Well, uh, good luck with that.”

“Kihyun,” she called when he stepped off, and he stopped, glancing back at Nina. She looked down at her feet for a moment before looking up at him more determinedly. “I’m sorry I’ve stolen from your friend. Y/N deserves more.”

“Yes, she does,” he agreed, noticing the hurt embedded in her eyes. “So do you.”

“I can give you our address,” she offered boldly, and Kihyun’s eyes widened. “I can tell you want to check on her.”

He knew he shouldn’t be here. A thousand reasons for why Kihyun should have stuck to returning to work himself had raced through his mind as he pulled the car to a stop outside the apartment complex Nina had texted to him when they exchanged numbers. But it wasn’t enough to compel him to turn around and drive in the right direction. Instead, his legs moved swiftly out of the vehicle and carried him to the door number he required.

Knocking twice, Kihyun looked around before settling his gaze on the barrier in front of him. No one came to open it, and so he knocked more loudly this time, even pressing the buzzer on the door keypad.

It swung open a moment later, and all thoughts of leaving you dispersed. He needed to be here.

But you weren’t so sure. “How the hell… oh my god! Quick, come in before someone followed you here.”

He stepped inside and took off his shoes as you shut the door, stepping back up into the living area of the home with some discomfort.

The room was dimly lit, and in any other situation, Kihyun would have curiously taken in your home with interest. But he was stuck on you.

On how little you wore.

Only in a pair of sleep shorts and a singlet, this was the most skin he had ever seen exposed on your body. He couldn’t help but look you over, overwhelmed by what he saw. You were nervous of his silent examination but didn’t try to shield yourself either. Slowly, he walked around you, noticing the burn scars continued over the left shoulder and down your back. Lowering his gaze, he found more on your thighs, the damaged skin smoothing out just below your knee.

And even though it hurt him to now know the extent of your injuries, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

“Don’t make jokes,” you glowered, though your eyes then flashed with gratitude. “I’m a mess.”

“A beautiful mess.”

“Still charming me after all this time,” you whispered, shaking your head. “What are you doing here?”

“Nina told me you were not well. I needed to check on you.”

“Nina told you?” you echoed, blinking several times. “She gave you our address?”

Kihyun nodded. “She really cares about you.”

“It’s like I’ve gained a kid sister out of all of this, even if we’re only a few months apart in age. She’s really sweet.”

“I’m not completely sold on her, but she’s changed my initial thoughts enough,” he confessed, and you gave him an easy smile.

“Hungry? I was about to make some dinner.”

“How? It looks like it hurts you to breathe right now. I’ll cook.”

You ignored his observation, your weary expression breaking out in delight. “I’ll finally get to try your cooking, Kihyun? Wow, this is an opportunity I can’t turn down.”

“Show me to your refrigerator so I can figure what I should make.

Kihyun wanted to see you genuinely happy before anything else tonight.

_________________

Part 12

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[MONSTA X Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[i-love-hobbies]

The biggest criticism Lilith's redemption arc gets and Eda's biggest strength

(ft. me getting completely side tracked and wanting a Hooty redemption arc)

Ok, so firstly I wanna talk about real life and then say how it was done in the owl house.

I hate the words "Everyone should get what they deserve." Cause firstly this never happens, secondly, the words are very vague and it opens a window of miscommunication and thirdly, cause in Lilith's case they are focused at, she needs to be hurt in order to change.

There are even people that have said that they are looking forward to watching Lilith suffer (I don't know if I've said it on the internet but I was one of them.)

Revenge has been proven to not make people feel better. And a lot of therapists usually say you need to forgive people. That doesn't mean fix the relationship, it means try to stop wishing they get hurt. Cause the feeling is only hurting you.

Also it's a normal human feeling to be angry, so no I'm not calling people monsters for this. And forgiveness is a hard process that takes a lot of work, but it usually isn't helped by hurting others.

The words people usually use to defend this sentence are:

"Consequences change people's minds or at the very least make them scared of doing it again."

Ok so how about we use this sentence instead, it's short enough and the main mission now is keeping ourselves safe Instead of it being hurting someone, you're still wishing it but it's not the main goal, it's a secondary one.

Well, cause it immediately shows two issues both statements have.

Firstly a friendship with someone that wants to hurt you but is scared of doing so is not a healthy one, cause they'll just try to be sneaky. You can only do it with people that aren't close to you like how the authorities do it towards criminals.

Secondly punishments rarely change people's minds. They've never worked on me, especially when you attack my identity, cause this way you make it even worse. And expecting that you can change someone usually means you're about to fail.

"But we can't get rid of punishments, people will hurt us."

I'm not saying we should. I'm saying our main goal should be our safety and hurting them may happen but it shouldn't be important.

Or better yet:

"Building healthy boundaries to the point where you're not getting hurt anymore, but not going overboard."

Examples:

- You have a friend you see Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. But on Wednesdays, after work, they usually are very ignorant of your feelings and sometimes joke at your expense. So you stop going out at Wednesdays.

They might never ask why you did it and that's ok, cause you're not getting hurt anymore.

But usually they do ask why? You explain to them the issue with respect, don't call them names.

Some people will change after this and you can get rid of the boundary later on.

Other people may acknowledge this and say it's a good idea, cause they are overwhelmed, but never change.

Other other people may start hurting you even more. You build the boundaries even more, sometimes to the point you cut them out of your life, even if they weren't hurting you intentionally.

Which is completely ok if you can't maintain contact without being hurt.

- Eda's handling of Gwendolyn's cures is another good one. She never called her names or anything. She just made sure that Gwen can't hurt her anymore. Cause it wasn't only the cures. Eda's feelings were always getting ignored. She literally couldn't talk with her about anything other than the curse. Her emotions were getting neglected.

- Eda's handling of Tibbles is also an interesting example.

At first after the scamming she just left him. She couldn't see how he could hurt her.

And in episode 14 she killed him. Cause he showed that he would do anything to murder her dump kids and knew their address. Almost same story with Adegast.

Yes murder in this extreme cases can be a healthy boundary.

Lilith's relationships with the owl fam

King:

King didn't know Lilith was living with them and knows about her neglect.

Luz:

Luz would only stand up for others never for herself which is very unhealthy. I don't know if she forgave Lilith, but I can see her not mentioning it if she hasn't and playing along as a teacher.

"The real mystery is how she can be both so smart and yet so wrong at the same time. Academics, am I right?"

The closest one to her she has roasted like this, is her mentor, who firstly makes people feel safe.

"EDA, You're embarrassing me Infront of my crew." - Raine, after thirty years of not seeing her.

Secondly, she was being a jerk, she was teaching Luz about cards while she was begging for magic lessons and was not getting it for weeks.

"Cards, the paper rectangles that old people think are fun."

Heck, she might even be scared of Lilith. She almost got killed.

So far I don't have a reason to think she likes her. She hasn't really talked with her or about her much.

Eda:

Eda has already shown that she can handle conflicts in relationships. Like in episode 9, where she got Luz into Hexside and everything I already said.

I made an entire post about Eda being too emotional and I still stand by it, but serious situations that have to do with relationships, she usually is very rational and good at handling them. Probably because of the curse making her afraid of her anger and countless people attacking her.

At the beginning of the series Eda probably was expecting that the worst case scenario would be for Lilith to catch her and if Lilith isn't given the time to realise what she did, she'd be killed and best case scenario Lilith changes.

Episode 5, where Lilith burned down her wanted posters, episode 8 where Lilith was gonna get her straight in the coven instead of arresting her, episode 11, where Lilith said she wanted for Eda to join on her own and episode 17, where they played grudgby.

Proved to her even more that Lilith cares a lot for her and maybe she will change.

Then episode 18 happened and King wanting hugs and Luz's "Let me die!" Suddenly the worst case scenario became not her dieing but her dieing and the trauma the kids will experience. The fact that they won't have her in their lifes.

Lilith says "Then why were you so easy to curse?!?" This does not sound like "I accidentally did this and I'm sorry." No, Eda thought Lilith did this on purpose. And now her kids might get killed by her own sister cause she was too naive to trust her.

From now on I don't think she was trying to kill her cause Lilith isn't dangerous without raw power like Adegast and Tibbles, but to disable her is a possibility.

To add to this Eda wasn't rational almost throughout the entire finale. She probably didn't pick up on the line "If you would just let me explain." Just like she didn't question why Lilith was thrown in a cage.

Then she learns that Lilith commited treason together with her kids and started feeling like she doesn't know the full story, but Lilith is still a caring person. So she jumps Infront of the beam to save both Lilith and King.

Afterwards Lilith shares the curse and has nowhere to go if she gets kicked out so there is no reason to believe that she would hurt them physically.

I know in a post I said I don't think she fully processed the situation with Lilith. But now I think I was only half right.

She didn't fully process how much she was hurt but she understood Lilith's situation. Forgave her as soon as possible, not immediately. But that doesn't mean she rebuilded the relationship as soon as she forgave her.

First of, the forgiveness part happened after episode 1. The entire episode she was guilt tripping her, which I don't think was helping the situation. It makes Lilith more emotional which then makes it harder for her to face reality.

I'm not calling Eda a bad person for this but I do think it was a mistake.

What wasn't a mistake but a good thing is Eda wasn't the one to listen to her problems, it was Hooty. Cause her emotional health matters too and standing in one room with her sister is challenging.

And now I'm wondering does Eda know about how Lilith was treated by both the coven and their parents.

Eda calling Lilith a tool, seems to me more of them competing with each other rather than the recent events. Also Lilith forcing her rules without saying why they are there.

I'm glad the episode ended with them switching roles, where Lilith is now more powerful. Though I'm pretty sure the roles are getting switched again.

So what about the rebuilding of the relationship or should I say trust.

Well they didn't show us much, but I think the trust isn't fully back.

Cause she has only been proving that she can be physically trusted like when she saved King's life.

Eda never opens up, which is unhealthy. But in this case it's a healthy boundary, cause King did it and he got Lilith projecting onto him.

Lilith isn't good at being mentally supportive and still has bad habits.

Lulu and Hootsifer

Hooty helping Lilith was something, she really needed and didn't take for granted, cause the only one to ever even consider this is Eda.

They are buddies that look out for each other. I wouldn't say they talk a lot about feelings as they have no idea how to do that, but there are examples where they do.

Like "What kind of a witch am I?" and Hooty's letter.

Her letter for Hooty, was supportive, but ignored the issue of Hooty always being in people's personal space.

Which led to Hooty drugging Eda, kidnapping three children and almost killing said kids when his plans didn't work the way he wanted. He also ate the letter for King.

I want a Hooty redemption arc, now!

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Divaz confos #5

Mod: previously...

1 2 3 4 

1. lol watching Z3st try to bring Divaz down is just honestly so pathetic. each time he or one of his sad little friends posts some bullshit, a bunch of Divas supporters shows up to tell it like it is. if Z3st's goal is to help Divas' business, he's doing a great job

~Anonymous

2. All drama aside, BJDiv4z clearly rallying their fanbase to flood their feedback threads with positive reviews makes them look more suspicious than "proof" posted by Zezt.

~Anonymous

3. all of u siding with bjdivaz are a bunch of c------ing bootlickers. clearly ur all TERFS too cuz ur siding against a trans man. shame on all of u.

~Anonymous

4. Living for the Dealer Caution for BJD1v4s on DoA. Seeing them attacking negative reviews like they are is gross. Had I ordered from them I would have complained to their companies about their actions and I hope those who are targeted do. I don't want one bad dealer dragging down other companies by association.

~Anonymous

5. Ok, just a question, but for everyone who invalidates people's negative BJDiv@z experience. Why don't we hear shit about other sellers? And I don't want a "Well bc it's the trend right now." Maybe, but I'd still assume at least one or two confessions maybe hoping on the wagon to expose bad dealers. But nothing. We've had some confession about proxies sucking some months ago, and people accepted that, and even dropped their own shitty experiences with other proxies when that was a topic here.

~Anonymous

6. Honestly the situation with Divaz is really unfortunate. They are a good dealer offering good layaway. I know they are trying the best. Perhaps they should cut off social media side because they seem to be greatly affected by negative criticism. I find them to be a bit too sensitive to bad press. There are angry customers, we get that. It's normal in all businesses to have upset customers. Just roll with it. Let them rant. To send supporters to suppress bad reviews on DoA, that's just too much.

~Anonymous

7. why is everyone on divaz side calling sest al3x now lmao. weird flex to continually drop someones real name not otherwise used online when youre flocking to the defense of a company that doesnt give a shit about you. youre free to defend divaz all you want, i dont have a problem with that, but this shit gives you guys real bad vibes.

~Anonymous

8. Is this allowed? I've seen normal users get their DoA feedback wiped for this but I guess it's ok if you're a dealer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~Anonymous

9. BJDivas' flair on DoA placed by mods...yikes :x

~Anonymous

10. I knew alexc3ssive and pra3sagium from my local doll community. They're horrible people who act nice to your face but as soon as you turn your back they'll stab it. They regularly bully and harass anyone who won't go with their way and I've been scared to say anything about them for years because I was afraid they'd come after me. Now that someone's finally standing up to them I hope they'll focus their attention on them instead of coming after me.

~Anonymous

11. I’ve had nothing but good experiences with BJDiv4s, but I’m done buying from them. I don’t care if a customer is bad in your view, you don’t publicly air that shit, address things politely and never sink to such levels - successful small biz of other kinds know this. They are going after anyone who openly says they’re not comfortable, rather than trying to re-earn trust, and having their squad review bomb with vague positives.

~Anonymous

12. Need proof that bjdivas take more than a week to respond? OK.

But I'm sure everyone will go full DARVO on this too. They fucked up the orders of a bunch of us posting in the Lvts waiting room. When so much stuff is getting lost or broken, they do need to take control and use different couriers. And that is something they can control. My package was in limbo so long I was about to report it lost, because it took 20 days to get from their office to a post office. This is in their control! They can blame whoever picks up their parcels, but if they keep doing business with them, it's their fault.

This is the only doll I didn't take unboxing pics of, because I was worried that more might have gone wrong.

And before divas DARVO this, because I am identifiable... they offered to replace the antlers in September (just before blasting Z3st on fb). This was the first time they told me that Lvts would replace parts. But I already knew, because Lvts told me in June that they were sending replacements for those orders to divas. I mean, it would be a nice offer if Lvts hadn't already replaced my antlers back in June-July (I paid in June, they arrived before I asked divas for my doll), and if divas hadn't seen me post on DoA that I got replacements (the post they banned me from their VIP fb because I leaked their bitching mentions it). And also it would have been nice if divas had told us they sorted out replacements in June, and I didn't have to accidentally hear it from Luts. (idk if I have a shot of Lvts saying that, but if you look in the waiting room thread on DoA you can see me telling other posters at the time.)

Also I'm clearly not Z3st, so..? Yeah. I have ordered over 20 dolls since the start of 2020 and this was the only one with problems. I've been collecting dolls for over 20 years, so I'm not new at this. Me begging for my doll was the only time I remotely lost composure (and that's more desperation than rudeness tbh)

BTW this was shortly after divaz had someone delete a DoA review for complaining about communication times, which fair enough because they hadn't allowed the 3 days. But then this happens and oh irony!

(Please don't be shitty because I had a bad time with divaz. I am not entitled and I have been selling online since I was a teen. I don’t come at anyone who had a bad time with other dealers to 'well actually' them. Please respect people's experiences as valid. This would be far less of a drama bomb if people did that. That I have to write a life history to deflect criticism and excuses in advance does not sit well with me.)

Thank you for reading.

P.S. if divaz counters that one time I took a long time to respond, I have an explanation that's complicated and personal, but if muck gets dragged then I guess you get to hear that too.

~Anonymous

[cdt12345]

We've been friends many years but I've never thought to ask; Top 10 gay OTPs?

1.) Ian & Mickey (Gallavich) - Shameless us

What can I say about these two that we haven’t already said about them?! They are my absolute all-time favorite couple ever! Gay or straight. They perfectly complement each other, they love each other on a level I feel like I’ve never seen before (and I have watched a lot of tv/movies), they’re like a comedy duo, they support each other, understand each other better than anyone else ever will, they fell in love as kids, they bring out the best in each other, and they’re each other's best friend. I’m a sucker for opposites attract, who are also best friends. Gallavich really fits that bill. I wish they didn’t have to struggle so much to get their happiness, but I’m happy they finally got it. When they got married, it felt like the biggest victory ever! We went through those years of struggle with them, rooted for them, mourned for them when John Wells let Noel go after season 5. So much has tried to keep these two apart, even real-life circumstances tried to keep them apart. The chemistry between these two characters and between Cameron and Noel was so powerful, they were brought back to the show. That kind of thing doesn’t happen very often. When an actor leaves a show, they don’t usually come back as a series regular, let alone two actors who have already left the show. It felt like a miracle! I will never forget getting the news that Noel was coming back from you @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog I was crying with happiness bc we wanted this for so long and I never believed we would get to see both Cameron and Noel back on the show. Or that they would get their happy ending outside of a jail cell. Especially after Cameron left the show in season 9. With their return we got a wedding, an entire season of them as a married couple, we got to see them dance with each other twice, we got them singing together, we got to see them start a lucrative business together, we got to see them free and happier than we’ve ever seen them before, and we got to see Terry get what he deserved after putting them through hell. We are only halfway through season 11, but I already feel so fulfilled with this extra time with gallavich that we were never supposed to have. JW tried to take that away from us. I will never understand why, but he failed. I am not surprised this is the one I wrote the most about. I can go on and on about gallavich!

2.) David and Patrick - Schitt’s Creek

This was everything I ever wanted to see onscreen, where there was zero homophobia. The pansexual character didn’t need to have a big coming out or tell everyone in the town of his sexual orientation, except his best friend. The gay character had a coming out with parents who loved and accepted him for who he is and was only upset that he felt he couldn’t tell them sooner. I dreamt of a day where I could see this kind of representation onscreen. The casual treatment of their sexuality was so refreshing and something I’ve been waiting for. There is no darkness or huge struggle they had to overcome to be together or a sad ending for them. They were allowed to be together without the major conflicts most LGBTQ characters have to go through. Once David made the first move Patrick was comfortable allowing himself to fall for David and start a relationship with him. He was so sure of his feelings for David after that first kiss, he never looked back and I loved that. They had such an adorable love story. Truly one I have been waiting to see for so long between two LGBTQ characters. They made me smile every time they were on screen. They are another of my OTPs that are exact opposites who complement each other perfectly. Patrick was welcomed into David’s family and blended in with them so well, even when he and David had very different upbringings. Patrick serenading David with Tina Turner and then Mariah Carey at their wedding is one of the most romantic things I have ever seen!

3.) Holt and Kevin - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt and Kevin are strange men on their own but together they are the perfect pair. They get each other in a way no one else does. The best part is their adorable fur baby, Cheddar! They seriously make the cutest family! I was so nervous when they went through a rough patch for a while because I didn’t want them to split up. Thankfully, they made it through and are still going strong!

4.) Will and Vince - Will & Grace

On the show's first run, Will and Vince were in a serious relationship and Vince was Will’s longest relationship on the show. They broke up a few times but were together by the series finale. The two reunite during the funeral of Will's father. There was a time jump on the series finale. Though I didn’t love everything about the last episode, I did love the fact that Will and Vince had been together for 20 years and raised a son together, who was conceived through in vitro fertilization with a surrogate. After the time jump, nearly twenty years later, their son goes to college and meets Grace's daughter, whom he would eventually marry. Though I wasn’t happy with the fact that Will and Grace didn’t stay close over the years, it did allow for their kids to one day meet, fall in love, and get married. I did like that outcome out of the finale. My family and I used to watch the original show, but we refused to accept or watch the 2017 revival because they completely changed everything from the original series finale. The second I found out they were changing everything; I knew I couldn’t watch it. They even wiped the existence of their kids from the first series finale. The revival was an attempt to cash in on the reboot craze and I wasn’t happy about that already, but even more so when they were going to break up one of my OTPs for easy money. Bobby Cannavale, who played Vince, has become even more famous since starring in Will & Grace. So, I already figured he wouldn’t be back for the show as a regular, but I know he did guest star. I won’t accept the revival and to me, Will and Vince stayed together, and their son married Grace’s daughter. THE END!

5.) Albert and Armand - The Birdcage

Miss Albert and Armand were the earliest gay couple I remember ever watching onscreen when I was eight years old. I have watched this movie more than I can count over the years. It is a family favorite that we quote often. Their son is planning to marry a girl whose father is in politics and is very conservative. They have to hide the fact that he has two gay fathers for one night, but everything goes awry, and comedy ensues. Nathan Lane and Robin Williams give a wonderful performance without resorting to using the stereotypes that are often used on gay characters, especially back then. It’s a classic!

6.) Stefon and Seth - Saturday Night Live

Okay, hear me out on this one! They’re not the most conventional OTPs on my list, but I really do love them so much! Stefon started doing a correspondent segment on Weekend Update on SNL. The first time Stefon came on, he flirted with Seth Meyers. The second he did I was like ooh they would make a cute couple! Stefon the wild party guy and Seth the serious news anchor. It was a match made in heaven for me. Before Seth Meyers left SNL to do Late Night with Seth Meyers, Bill Hader came back to play Stefon for Seth’s last episode. I didn’t expect what happened next to happen at all! They gave Seth and Stefon the ending that I haven’t even gotten from some actual scripted shows. I never expected Stefon and Seth to have this big ending, but I could not be happier that they did. I’m posting the link to the six-minute skit/ending and I hope it works. It’s worth watching. Though the video says it’s Stefon’s farewell it was really Seth’s farewell episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-wYWMdWNk

7.) Mr. Simmons and Peter - Hey Arnold!

Anyone who grew up watching this show already knew that Mr. Simmons, Arnold’s teacher, was probably gay. It was hinted at in the Thanksgiving episode. Arnold and Helga visit Mr. Simmons on Thanksgiving at his house and his family and “friend” Peter are there. Mr. Simmons mother says she didn’t know Peter was coming to dinner and Peter responds with the infamous line “There’s a lot of things you don’t know.” When Mr. Simmons mom tries to get him to take a woman friend to the ballet, he says he loves the ballet and Peter gives him a disapproving look and Mr. Simmons immediately declines. Those were enough hints for us fans to decide Peter was his boyfriend. Years later, the show's creator Craig Bartlett finally confirmed Mr. Simmons is gay and had them together in the 2017 Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. It was so exciting to finally get the confirmation years later, even though I was already certain of it for many years. I was happy that the cartoon no longer had to settle with vague hints about it.

8.) Callie and Arizona - Grey’s Anatomy

I was very happy to see a lesbian couple on prime time tv and I really liked both characters. I was excited to root for them but sadly as most couples on this show, their relationship took a turn, and I wasn’t thrilled about it. I was disappointed that it came to an end. By then I was already getting tired of watching the show. It was starting to feel like a chore to watch it every week. I tried to stick it out because I don’t like to give up on shows in the middle of it, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m glad I did though because the shocking events with Derek Shepard, is something I’m glad I wasn’t around for. Anyway, I heard things between Callie and Arizona got even worse, so I was even happier I left when I did.

9.) Sherwin and Jonathan - In a Heartbeat

This was one of the cutest things I have ever seen! I wish this got the full-length movie treatment instead of a short film. But it was still a step in the right direction for the LGBTQ community. Gay characters in cartoons always bring me such joy and that was the focus of this short. A boy with a crush on another boy with a cute ending. What is not to love?!

10.) Mitch and Cam - Modern Family

Another show I had to give up on in the middle of the series. The show began to be less funny and more annoying to me. Another reason, that really has nothing to do with the show itself, that used to annoy me was that this show repeatedly beat out Parks and Recreation during award season. Parks and Recreation is a superior show when compared to Modern Family. This show won almost every year for years and it got really annoying especially when the quality of the show started slipping and they kept winning. After a few years, they finally stopped winning all the time. But before all that, I was a fan of Cam and Mitch. They were a great couple who I loved watching on the show. They were the best part of the show most of the time. But sadly, my annoyance of the show no longer being as funny as it used to be, was enough for me to stop watching.

[evakuality]

Mia, episode one

Okay, so as I have said numerous times and at length I haven’t seen Mia’s season before.  I can’t stand Noora’s season so I’ve never wanted to watch this one.  But I’m giving it a go because apparently it’s better than Noora’s.  I already really really dislike Alex, though.  He’s gross to the last moments of Hanna’s season so this may be an uphill battle getting me to like him.  Plus, this is likely more a live reaction thing since I really have no idea what’s coming (except that it’s based on Noora’s things)  We shall see.  Anyway, let's get to this:

1. The opening bits just reminds me how ridiculous kissing looks like up close and from the outside.  I don’t know what the point here is, but I’m vaguely uncomfortable rn, so if that’s the intention, then well done I guess!  These tongues are really bothering me for some reason.  Kiki really needs to have more self respect.  I mean, I know she gets there, but this is not it, child.  He’s really not great.

2.  Seeing a shot of the girls: wow I missed these people so much!!!! (It’s been a couple of days, self.  Chill out!!)  Again, this is super pretty.  The colours etc of this scene are lovely.  More cool and cold than Hanna’s (I guess because of the time of year????) but lovely anyway.  I do not like this swinging camera though; it’s making me queasy.  I am also seriously side-eyeing the ‘kissing’ thing between Hanna and Mia.  Like, I want to believe the creators were leaning into the gay vibes the two gave off last season, but... eh.  It feels off a bit.  Still.  Mia’s gaze when she says ‘why not?’ when asked if they should all be lesbians is... well, I think a case can be made that Mia is into Hanna at least.

3.  Oh.  Hans my love.  It seems this place is a mess and disgusting, but aww I do love him!! ‘I’m finished in a second’ - lol.  Poor Mia, but she knew he had a visitor and she pushed her way in anyway.  She deserved to cop what she saw.  But she’s right of course.  If they keep doing the gross clean ups for him, he really will never learn.  I love Hans, but ‘tomorrow’ is waaaaaaay too late in a situation like the one they have here.  He really needs to start thinking about other people!!

4.  Aww I do love Mia and Hanna, and I’m glad we still have their friendship here.  But is this sort of awkward not-quite-hug thing normal in Germany?  None of these people look like they want to hug each other and are just doing it out of some sort of obligation.  I get that between Hanna and the boys (there’s some history there after all), but Mia and them?  Still, it’s nice to see these storylines continuing from season one so fluidly.  Like there’s very little awkward ‘so let’s summarise the previous season in stilted dialogue for you’ and yet new viewers should be able to pick up on what’s going on through context and in the ways they have integrated and alluded to it all.

5.  Alex comes on screen and I’m all ‘ugh’ and then sadly he says some stupid stuff.  Mia is super pretty in this scene, though, and I’m a bit baffled about why they chose to film her in such a gorgeous way and then to put Alex in pale colours against a pale background.  He doesn’t stand out at all.  ‘He’s insecure, he just wants his parents’ attention’ - I kind of like that this is coming from Kiki because she sees him with rose-tinted glasses and so it can be seen as biased and excusing him for no reason.  But since I assume this is heading in the direction that Noora’s did, where William didn’t ever have to change but we were expected to excuse him because we found out bits about his background, I’m also assuming that this is going to be a case of ‘Kiki, while being obsessive and too naïve about him in some ways, was right all along about him’ but I guess we’ll see.  Also, he’s basically with Kiki and yet he’s still looking at Mia like that?  He’s clearly not changed at all since last season.  

6.  I just realised we haven’t had any moments with Mia alone yet and we’re already more than halfway through the episode.  I don’t know where I’m going with that but it’s just interesting.  Hanna was so in her head and by herself so often, and it was really nice to be so tight in with her.  It’s a bit odd to not have that anymore.  I know that the two characters are different but I miss that getting-to-know-you stuff of the main character.

7.  The stuff with Kiki is really good, though.  I like the way her issues are being highlighted but in a way where it’s clear that her thought processes aren’t immediately obvious as toxic.  It’s really good that what she says and does is logical and can be seen as ‘healthy’ and so dismantling that thought process is really important to teach.  Now, I only saw Noora’s season once so I don’t know how much is coming from the original but even if this is coming through from there, I like the way it’s going.

8.  Alex again.  I do not like him.  His attitude to girls is so shitty.  I mean I know this is William’s fault but I still really really do not enjoy this type of guy.  Again he’s shot in faded out and pale colours vs her darker and stronger ones.  I don’t know what the point is, but I assume there is one.  Maybe that she doesn’t really know him and so she’s only seeing a pale and washed out version of him.

9.  Hanna, darling, I’m with you.  I too hate volleyball and when I was at school our PE teachers were obsessed with it and we had to play it FAR too often for my liking.  Also these looks they are giving each other are super gay.  I don’t make the rules!

10.  This Christmas scene is so super cute!!  The colours etc are glorious.  Hans’s little festoon of lights is adorable.  This little hug with Carlos and Kiki; it’s nice to know where that’s going.  She definitely deserves someone like him (someone who is a bit messy and has some faults but who grows and is under it all a loving friend, and above all is someone who genuinely cares about her).  I know 50 billion people have pointed it out, but I love that Matteo is off to the side and away from the group and that although he’s sort of joining in, he’s not a full part of it.  It’s nice the little hints of how his season is going to go.

11.  Boo Alex.  Blackmail isn’t cool.  It wasn’t cool in Hanna’s season and it’s not cool now.  

And we’re at the end.  We still have very little time just with Mia, just this little moment right at the very very end.  I miss that tight PoV and I hope we see more of it soon.  I still really really dislike this type of love interest and this type of romance.  Alex may not be as bad as William (mostly because he’s better acted) but he’s still a few million miles away from any guy I’d want anything to do with romantically.  Let’s see if that changes as we go on.

[some-stars]

Fic writer questionnaire! Tagged by @deputychairman, thank you!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

65....just waiting for 69 so i can celebrate

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

288,609

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay, so, there's a lot so we're gonna collapse some. So, 16: The Witcher (games and show), Supernatural, Dark Angel, Glee, Stargate (both SG1 and SGA), MCU, Vampire Diaries, Teen Wolf, due South, DC (comics and movies), House of Leaves, Sense8, Harry Potter, Les Miserables (book), Doctor Who, and X-Men movies. Oh, and I wrote a lot of NSYNC RPF back in the day but you will never see it. (Unless you literally read it back then and remember one and want to reread it, I’m not ashamed of them if you were also in the pit with me. If that is the case feel free to ask.)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

all some children do is work: this one surprised me, i did NOT think there was this kind of appetite for almost-gen turned-into-a-kid fic, but i do really like the fic itself so i'm contented with its acclaim

method: i mean, it's fake dating, written back when there wasn't much non-modern-AU fake dating in witcher fandom (possibly there still isn't?) so, not surprised

Emergency Pants: this is the one that the Claw chose back in 2012 bc i had written very pornographic tony/bruce about a month after Avengers came out so there was a big appetite for it. i don't much care for it these days except i do still think the tony voice is good

warm you like the sunshine: deeply unsurprised this one is popular (and it's one of my own fics that i reread a lot), it's extremely tender BDSM with a juggernaut pairing, that gets the readers

As often as from thee I go: honestly kinda surprised about this one, which is just a 2500 word confection i wrote for my own satisfaction, but it does have explicit sex and jaskier crying about his feelings so maybe it makes sense

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I almost always do, but usually just with "Thanks!" unless it's a detailed or lengthy comment.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

"Long black night, morning frost" (Les Miserables) for absolute certain. One of the very few fics I've written with an outright unhappy and pessimistic ending (although I found it very cathartic to write). For Witcher fics, "Kind" and "go ask alice" are about as sad as I get.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them, honestly. There's a point in happiness of endings where you really can't distinguish degrees. Probably the most--not saccharine, but distinctly Happy Ending-ish is either "Water like a stone" or "Darling, if you only knew," which to my eternal shame are both Glee fics. In terms of Witcher fics...it's still hard to pick! I think the kidfic trilogy ended very, very happily; I think "If you live through this with me" ended TOO happily.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I do not, and I don't read them, at least not since the days of the late 90s/early 2000s when I once read a really good Highlander/X-Files crossover (oh, and Martha's cosmic horror fic where Stargate and Angel and I think something else all cross over but it feels quite natural and right). I don't like fusions, either, most of the time.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never! In 20 years! I've been extremely lucky.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

ahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

yes...yes you could say i write smut. on occasion. you know, when the urge comes on me. i write mostly kink or at least kink-adjacent fic, but i've done some vanilla scenes too, and i write m/m and m/f and (occasionally) f/f. fun fact, my only rimming scene to date was in a f/f/f threesome!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so? I can't remember, honestly, which sounds dreadful but like...I don't READ the translation, because I am sadly monolingual, but I get a burst of delight when someone asks to do it (or to make a podfic).

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have tried--me and a friend once got like 12k deep into a co-written Tiger and Bunny fic--but it doesn't really work out for me. I am a massive control freak when it comes to writing and absolutely miserable to work with. (Although I wasn't so bad back when we wrote the T&B fic, we just sort of never got around to finishing it. Which is sad, because it was GREAT.)

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

Max/Alec from Dark Angel. I shipped it when I only started watching DA for Jensen's episodes, I shipped it when I fell in love with Max, I shipped it when I frantically hand-wrote notes about the fic I wanted to write, I ship it right now as I'm typing, I will ship it in my grave. Also it's not a het ship bc neither of them are heterosexual, thank you very much.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I only post finished fics, but in terms of things I haven't posted, I still think my "For A Good Time Call" fem!jaskier/yennefer(/geralt) AU would have been truly incredible. If you haven't watched that movie go watch it immediately so you can share this beautiful idea with me.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Ohhh, this and the next one are hard, because I truly don't know. Well, besides "porn." I am genuinely good at porn, which is HILARIOUS considering how many more sex scenes I've written than participated in. But overall, I have so much angst and neurosis and tenuous self-worth tied up in writing, I'm a very bad judge of my own skills. Also, it depends on the fandom! In some fandoms I'm good at dialogue, in others not so much. In some fandoms I'm good at pastiching the tone of the source and in others...Not So Much.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

If I had to pick a weakness, though, I'd say concrete imagery/detail. Like, the things that characters are physically doing either out of emotional reaction or just, they're doing something in that scene. Dialogue is usually easier (not sure if it comes out better, but it's easier).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?  

I used to be mildly annoyed at it but! Now! On AO3! You can put a footnote by the French or whatever, so the reader can jump down to read a translation and then jump right back up. I now feel that if you choose to include dialogue (or any words) in another language from the rest of the story, this is the only acceptable method.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I remember vaguely in 1996 or so writing a couple pages of Kit whump for the Young Wizards books. I wrote some execrable nonsense in X-Files, but in my defense I had just turned 13. I don't THINK I wrote anything for Star Trek, which was my first fandom. Oh, and I attempted to write fic for Homicide, which I watched in 7th and 8th grade and lied about my age to get onto the good mailing lists (they were actually the bad, racist mailing lists, I would later realize, but again I was 13).

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

Sorry to disappoint anyone who follows me for Witcher content, but it's either "The absolute absurdity of end-series items" (House of Leaves) or "A quite unlosable game" (Dark Angel). They are both Big Idea fics, and I feel like in both of them I got the Idea across brilliantly, and I'm truly proud of them and think they're the best things I've ever made. (In terms of Witcher fic, it's the kidfic trilogy for sure.)

I am not going to tag anyone because that always makes me mildly anxious, but if you read this and you want to do it you can say you were tagged by me! :D? :D?

[theepisceswriter]

300 MILESTONE WRITING EVENT. (CLOSED, BUT REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN)

OMG HI BESTIES, I recently gained 300 besties and I can’t even begin to tell y’all how thankful I am for all the love and support all of you have given me in this short amount of time that I’ve owned my blog. I thought I was going to be a flop lowkey but you all proved me wrong LMAO. So to show my appreciation for you all, I decided to finally do a milestone event like I was supposed to do a long time ago but shhhhh, don’t be shy to send in a request bestie! I promise I don’t bite unless you know you’re into that kind of stuff 🙈 

MASTERLIST (tba once the first requests is complete or I get a couple of requests) 

 HOW THIS EVENT WILL WORK 

♡ listed below underneath the readmore cut are 90 prompts  for you to choose from that are broken into categories (fluff, smut, angst, & crack) 

♡ You can send in one prompt or mix and match them together along with a character of your choice, two characters for a ménage a trois situation if you want to be extra, or a character x character request 

♡ You can be as descriptive or as vague as you want with your request. 

♡ For example: “prompt number 13 (or the prompt by itself) + prompt 31 for Jean & scout!reader after he thinks you’ve died while in a battle but the two of you reunite later on” or just “Prompt 19 for Shigure Sohma” and even request who you want to say the prompt!

♡ In return I’ll write you a drabble based off the request that varies from 500-1k words. 

Requests specifically for this milestone event are open until 04/25/21 or until I say they close because I’m lowkey terrible at putting a time restriction on things. 

 WHAT FANDOMS THIS EVENT IS OPEN TO 

♡ ATTACK ON TITAN 

♡ JUJUTSU KAISEN 

♡ BLEACH 

♡  FRUITS BASKET 

♡  DEVILS LINE 

♡  FIRE FORCE 

♡  DEATH NOTE 

♡  JOJO’S BIZARRE ADVENTURE 

And any other animes/mangas mentioned in my rules post, even the ones in my currently reading/watching list, but the ones listed up above are the main ones.

PROMPTS LIST 

 FLUFF 

1. " hey, so... i know you haven't been feeling great, so i picked up a few of your favorite snacks, drinks... "

2.“ wait , did you just say you love me? “

3." it's okay. i promise you, i will be here when you wake up. "

4." wow... you look... you look amazing. "

5." you're shivering. here, take my jacket. "

6. “ i love you. “

7. “ what? ME have a crush on YOU? whaaaaaat?! haha! what? pfft … shut up! “

8.“ jealous?! i’m not jealous! “

9.“ wow … your smile is breathtaking. “

10.“I want to be more than friends. “

11.“ let me take you out on a date. “

12. “   it  seems  that  you  get  impossibly  more  beautiful  every  single  day .   ”

13.“ so … do i get a goodnight kiss? “

14. “   i  notice  that  you  keep  looking  at  my  lips .   you’re  criminally  unsubtle .   ”

15. “   i  think  the  kids  are  awake  …   ”

16. “   i  ran  you  a  bath .   get  in  it .   ”

17. “   there’s  no  greater  blessing  than  looking  at  my  child   &   seeing  your  eyes .   ”

18. “   let’s  just  get  in  the  car   &   drive  somewhere .   anywhere .   ”

19. “   i  just  can’t  believe  that  you’re  mine ,   now .   ”

20. “   no ,   you’re  not  going  anywhere .   you  have  a  fever .   ”

21. “   every  time  i  wake  up   &   you’re  there  next  to  me ,   i  wonder  if  i’m  still  dreaming .   ”

22. “  i think i might be in love with you.  ”

23. “ i love you, every part of you. even the parts you don’t like. ”

24. “  you know, if you moved in we wouldn’t keep having to say goodbye like this.  ”

25.“Come watch the sunset with me.”

 SMUT 

26. “i’ve been waiting all day…”

27. “can i come yet? Please let me cum.”

28. “you have to be quiet if you want to cum.”

29.“ wow … you’re hot when you’re angry. “

30. “i want you to touch yourself for me.”

31. “just shut up and fuck me.”

32. “i’m gonna fuck you until you beg me to stop.”

33. “i want you to forget everything and everyone else but me.”

34. “make me.”

35. “they’re gonna catch us—”

36. “You’re beautiful when you’re all flushed and wanting.”

37. “You can be rough with me, I won’t break.”

38. “Did you touch yourself, thinking of me?”

39. “Please, please, touch me.”

40. “I want to bury my face between your thighs.”

41. “You can beg better than that, I think.”

42. “Ride me. Slowly, that’s it.”

43. “Come taste yourself on my fingers.”

44. “are you gonna be good for me?”

45. “did you just yawn?”

46. “how much do you want to cum?”

47. “you sound so pretty when you moan”

48. “tell me you’re mine”

49. “I’m going to put a baby in you tonight.”

50. “Is this your first time doing anything?”

ANGST 

51.“ please just … leave me alone. “

52. “ i don’t love you. “

53.“  you don’t have to talk, we can just sit together.  ” 

54. “ stop trying to fix me.  ”

55. “  you’re right, you are a monster.  ”

56. “  loving you is killing me. ”

57.  “ you’re bleeding! ”

58. “  why can’t i be enough? ”

59. “  just stay still. let me hold you. ”

60. “  if you’re so intent on going down this path, then i’m coming with you. ”

61. “  i miss the way you used to smile at me. ”

62. “  i need to know that you’ll be okay. if something happens to me… ”

63. “  why won’t you just let me go? i’m not worth it. ”

64. “  please don’t go. ”

65. “There are more lives at stake here than the ones you care about! What gives you the right to decide that one person’s life weighs more than countless others?”

66. “I miss the old you.”

67.“I wish we knew each other sooner.”

68. “  even when you smile, your eyes are still sad.  ”

69. “Promise me you’ll find me in our next lifetime.”

70. “ don’t do that— don’t shut down on me. let me in.  ”

71. “ why aren’t you scared of me?  ”  

72. “ would you kill for me?  ”

73. “  i don’t like the way they look at you. perhaps i’ll cut their eyes out.  ”

74. “  yes. i killed them— but i did it for you.  ”

75. “I think I’m pregnant.”

 CRACK

76." what in the actual fuckily duckily. "

77." how do they know an animal is extinct like?? you looked everywhere?? "

78." why is it called creepypasta and not fettucine afraido? "

79." no offense to myself but what the fuck am i actually doing. "

80.“ … why does this card say ‘ happy 3rd birthday ‘? “

81." ted just be letting anyone talk. "

82." i wonder when the bermuda triangle stopped working. not a lot of drama there anymore. "

83." no wonder the ice caps are melting, i'm fucking HOT! "

84. “crying is very punk,  trust me,  i do it all the time  and i am a punk.  ”

85. “your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this friendship apart.  ”

86. “  what do you mean a thesaurus isn’t a dinosaur? ”

87. “  i’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.  ”

88.“It’s probably the Illuminati anyways.”

89. “ you’re lucky you’re cute. ”

90. “ Might just headbutt the wall and knock myself the fuck out.”

91. “You deserves the world but all i can give you is my anxiety and depression.”

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Gravity

He’s 6 years old and Dat is pushing him off the ledge, laughing in his ear as he swings over to Dya, and when he reaches the other edge, she picks him up and hugs him and says not even gravity can hold you down, my little robin.

He’s 8 years old and about to perform for the first time, the excitement and nervousness threading together in his blood, and Pop Haly pats him on the shoulder and gives him a smile, not the fake one he used for the crowd but the real one that he tries so hard to copy because it makes him feel warm and happy, and he says, you’ve got this kiddo, gravity’s got nothing on a Grayson.

He’s 9 years old and trying to brighten up the stifling silence of the Manor the only way he knows how, by swinging and jumping and being as lively as he can to make up for the deadness of the walls, and he’s hanging from the chandelier because who knew they could support so much weight?, and from underneath Alfred calls up I do wish you would pretend the laws of gravity existed, Master Richard.

He’s 10 years old and fighting crime, a proud ray of sunlight flitting around the darkness of the bat, and a thug’s got a gun pointed at Bruce’s head, not the flashy kind in the movies but the real kind from the military, so before Bruce can react, he flips up onto the man’s shoulders and swings around his arms, forcing the gun to the ground, before jumping back up on a fire escape so Batman can take him down, and Bruce looks up at him with a softened grimace that he knows is secretly a smile and says I guess ignoring gravity works in our favor, right Robin?

He’s 11 years old and in the Watchtower meeting the Justice League for the first time, perched on Bruce’s shoulders, and when Hal Jordan asks whether or not a kid can even survive as a vigilante, let alone win fights, he twirls up into the air, back-flipping off a wall before spring-boarding into Hal’s chest, then swiping his legs out from underneath him before Hal can even blink, and when he returns to Bruce’s shoulders, he beams with pride when he hears Barry ask, does gravity not affect the kid at all?

He’s 13 years old and laughing harder than he has in ages, showing off his skills on the silk for an awestruck Wally, because there’s a new kid superhero and he’s already decided he wants to be Wally’s best friend and he wants to impress him, so he makes his drops as dramatic as he can and he makes his knee holds look effortless and tries to be as graceful as Dya was on the silk, and he knows it’s worth it when Wally lets out a breathless Dude, it’s like you’re ignoring gravity on purpose that is SO COOL!!

He’s 17 years old and perched on a ledge up in Titans tower, thinking of last night when Kori had pressed him into the bed and wondering why a small part in the back of his mind wished he was watching movies and eating pizza with Wally instead, but he dismisses those thoughts and puts on a smile when Kori floats up to him and says it seems we both cannot be held back by gravity.

He’s 18 years old and on the mat, training with Jason, because yes he was beyond angry at Bruce and yes, he was bitter there was a new kid taking his name, but damn if that didn’t stop him from trying to teach the kid how to stay alive because he knows firsthand what this life does to people and what living with Bruce does to people, so he shows Jason how to kick someone while coming out of a backflip purely out of obligation and ignores the little twinge of fondness in his heart whenever Jason says you’re fuckin’ forgetting about gravity, dude.

He’s 20 years old and trying to look at Tim without seeing Jason and it’s hard, it’s so hard, but bit by bit, the kid worms his way into Dick’s heart, (and him saving Bruce from himself doesn’t hurt), until they’re at the point where they’re hanging out and Dick only feels vaguely guilty for enjoying his company, so he busts out some old tricks that he used to do with the Titans, and gives Tim a sun-lit smile when he says okay, technically I know how you did that but also it looks like gravity just doesn’t affect you how the in the world did you do that-

He’s 22 years old and quietly trying to coax Cass from her room, because she hasn’t left it in a week and a half and he doesn’t know how else to connect to her, how else to get her to open up, when he remembers the light in the audience’s eyes when he used to perform, mirrored in Wally’s eyes when he did a routine just for him, so he goes into the dimly lit bedroom and asks Cass if she wants to see a trick, and when she hesitantly nods, he does a triple backflip and laughs when her eyes widen and she signs I did not know you could defy gravity.

He’s 23 years old and crushed by the weight on his shoulders, constantly two seconds away from breaking down completely because Bruce is dead and Tim’s off on a wild goose chase that will get him killed and Jason’s back but he’s different, angrier than he ever was and on a murdering rampage and refusing to speak to anyone, and Cass is in Tokyo trying to venture out on her own, so he’s shouldering all of Bruce’s responsibilities to the city and to the Justice League and to the world and on top of all that, Bruce has a son, a rude, lonely, touch-starved assassin of a son that he can’t think of anything to do with but make him Robin, except Damian is rejecting his advances of kinship, too stubborn to learn anything he tries to teach him, so he stays on that brink of exhaustion about to fall over the cliff, but every time he flies and flips through the air, weightless, if only for a moment, Damain draws him back from the edge with a glimpse of wonder concealed behind his eyes and a somewhat envious not all of us flaunt the rules of physics in gravity’s face every other day, Grayson.

He’s 25 years old and happy, truly happy for the first time in a long while because Bruce is back and Jason’s formed a sort of tentative peace with the family and is living with Roy and Kori and he trusts them to look after him, and Tim’s back as Red Robin, the bags under his eyes and the slump of his shoulders getting a little lighter every week he spends with Kon, Bart, and Cassie, and Cass has befriended Steph, and Damian’s given up the League of Assassins for his family, and he’s becoming kinder and opening up more every day, and his family is all here together, so in the Batcave, he goes to the lyra and silk set Bruce had installed when he was a kid, and he just plays for a long time, the feeling of flying through the air a blessing again rather than a curse, and from his wineglass hang on the lyra he can see Tim at the computer with Bruce and Damian and Cass sparring, and he knows Jason dropped by for tea with Alfred yesterday, so when Bruce looks up at him and says gravity never did affect you all that much, did it, Dick? he lets loose the most warm, golden, sun-filled laugh that he can.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Godzilla vs. Kong

From the first rumble in the seats in the Dolby theater, I was so glad I chose to see this movie on the big screen. At times it felt like I was on one of those “4-D” roller coasters where the seats rumble and they spray water on your or pipe smells into the audience. That’s how close I was to the action! As at least a casual fan of the previous entries in the Monsterverse, I was looking forward to Godzilla vs Kong and my goodness, those medium expectations sure were met. How medium was it? Well...

I would like the science in this movie to win Best Comedy or Musical in next year’s Golden Globes. This is probably the hardest I’ve laughed in a theater in over a year (obviously there are other reasons for that, but the sentiment still stands). This movie was nonsensical, loud, shiny, dumb fun and I had a great fucking time watching it. Oh, you probably want a plot summary - I’m just gonna refer you to the title of the film. That about covers all you need to know.

Some thoughts:

“Somewhere on Skull Island” - whaaaaat is with this title card? It’s a tiny island. How many possible locations could there possibly be for a giant fuck-off ape to be taking his nap?

I know we’re not here for any semblance of plot but boy, they really sprained something trying to lift these clunky paragraphs of exposition into anything resembling what actual humans would say.

These opening credits are one of the funniest sequences I’ve seen in ages.

My main man Brian Tyree Henry! I had no idea he was in this (frankly I knew virtually nothing about this movie because what do you even need to know about a movie with the title Godzilla vs. Kong). He’s playing a completely different vibe than I’ve ever seen him play - the comedic relief and a mile-a-minute vaguely conspiracy theorist podcast host who is obsessed with Sir Zilla and the other Titans. I really enjoyed seeing this other side of him!

Absolutely terrible waste of Kyle Chandler, who was probably paid more than my yearly salary for 60 seconds of Protective and Frazzled Dad perfection.

One of the highlights of the film is the performance of young actress Kaylee Hottle as Jia. Jia is Deaf, and so is Kaylee in real life, and I’m always here for more Deaf representation onscreen! And her friendship with Kong is one of the few things in the movie that elicits any genuine emotion of any kind. When he booped her I literally said “Aw!” out loud.

The visuals of the hollow Earth are very cool and remind me of those space age desktop backgrounds that most of the guys I know who built their own PCs and spent a lot of time on Tor.com would have had.

Even the most ridiculous films like this one will sometimes include little bits of worldbuilding that are thoughtful and have fascinating implications. For example, the “Titan Shelters” in Hong Kong - who pays for those? The government? Do rich people have reinforced private Titan Shelters while poor folks have to rely on the public ones, which are likely overcrowded and possibly don’t have enough resources? (I think we all know the answer to that).

I am very much enjoying all the neon in the Hong Kong fight, and how much more visually interesting it makes two giant blobs slamming their blob bodies against each other while causing a staggering amount of property damage.

Finally a realistic “I can crack the password!” scene!

Did I Cry? Ok, a teeny tiny bit, about Kong and Jia’s friendship.

Times I laughed LOUDLY in the theater: when Mr. Zilla, who can literally shoot lightning out of his damn mouth just straight up punches Kong in the face. When Kong gets attacked by all those lizard things in the hollow Earth and just uses one motherfucker to slap another motherfucker. When they use an anti-gravity machine (whatever that actually means) as a defibrillator for an ape that is sometimes as big as a skyscraper and other times as big as a mountain.

And now a series of questions:

Why is this high school class just watching the news in the middle of the day? The G-Z has attacked cities at least 3 other times in this universe that we know of. Like, this isn’t their 9/11, this is a thing that just regularly happens.

You decided it was a good idea to transport Kong over the ocean...where Big Daddy G hangs out all the time? Like...that’s where he lives, you guys. You’re basically trying to sneak Kong over the roof of Godzilla’s house and hoping he doesn’t notice.

OH and you had a Kong-sized net and a team of Kong transport helicopters ready the WHOLE TIME? But you still chose “sneaking over Godzilla’s house” as your first plan of action????

How long can Kong hold his breath? He goes underwater for some long ass periods.

In fact, what are the details of Kong’s physiology in general? How tall is he? Because at one point in his fight with The GZA, he’s standing on the floor of the Tasman Sea, no big deal - except the Tasman Sea has a depth of roughly 18,000 feet. And Kong’s just chilling out in the water at waist level? But he’s also shorter than the skyscrapers in Hong Kong? I choose to believe he can grow and shrink at will because that makes more sense than the sloppy joe approach to his biology the screenwriters are using.

I like Millie Bobby Brown as much as the next guy, but does it bother anyone else that she always sounds congested? Is that a consequence of her doing her American accent? It’s incredibly distracting.

Oh, this entire scene is set in Antarctica but no one is wearing hats or gloves? Sure sure sure.

And no one is having any problems breathing the air in the middle of the fucking earth? No one thought to check that the atmosphere was breathable before everyone takes off their helmets? No noxious fumes to worry about in the center of a planet that produces magma and shit?

You’re taking your child to the literal center of the earth? Is this not the ONE TIME you think you might need a babysitter?

The ship that can *checks notes* withstand the forces present during an entire reversal of gravity is crushed by Kong’s fist like it’s a tube of toothpaste?

Even though the Earth is hollow, I’m assuming the distance to reach the core is still about the same, so Godzilla’s lighting can 1) act as a drill to - I cannot reiterate this strongly enough - the CENTER OF THE FUCKING EARTH and 2) Godzilla and Kong can yell at each other for 3,958 miles (give or take) and still hear each other? Do they have superhearing? Is this something we’re studying or are we content to just have them Hulk smash all of that incredibly important evolutionary biology to bits while everyone stands around?

Because this is a “vs” movie, of course there is no clear-cut “winner” at the end. Instead the two parties leave each other with a grudging respect formed, an uneasy truce in place. But I’m obsessed with the way this final scene plays out, as though Godzilla is a bitter ex walking away from Kong after their doomed relationship has run its course. The lighting, the soft music, the absolute melodrama of this giant lizard slinking slowly back into the sea. Godzilla is giving the gays everything they want in 2k21 and I am here for it. Here’s hoping the next entry in the franchise has Kong hooking up with Rodan to make G jealous and they all have a messy public fight over brunch, Real Housewives style.

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