#i was young when i said i'd never work for the government

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[ek-ranjhaan]

She has not just been raped and murdered, she was very much tortured and brutalized like Nirbhaya. It is all over the Bengali news. I don't understand why no one is talking about this.

A 2nd year Respiratory Medicine in a well known government medical college in Kolkata, West Bengal, India is found in a semi-naked state and the college/ hospital called it a suicide.

I'm a MBBS student in second year. After reading about her, what crossed my mind is the amount of times she would have felt this fear, before this worst fear of hers eventually materialized.

"A young resident doctor was found dead in the seminar room of her medical college in Kolkata. Initial autopsy report suggests possible rape and murder."

As all are saying,

She wasn't walking the street at odd hours. She wasn't wearing clothes that were provocative. She wasn't loitering in dangerous neighbourhoods.

She was a resident doctor, looking for a place to rest in her own hospital.

She had been on duty and had gone to rest in the early hours of Friday.

The one place which was supposed to guarantee her safety failed her, miserably.

Someone comes, rapes a female pg who is merely resting in a seminar hall because there is no proper place for her to rest, brutalized her and kills her. How did NO one know? The college and police initially call it a suicide. Excuse me? It is also being said that under pressure from local politicians, the Principal and Dean attempted to alter the post-mortem report. Autopsy confirms sexual assault.

What are the actions taken? One man arrested because his behavior seemed "shady". This is clearly not an act of one man. And this was a very well aware of and a well executed criminal act.

Also, all this happening in WB right when the situation of bangladesh is in turmoil and news of Bangladeshi Hindus being killed and tortured, seems wrong, VERY WRONG. Happening right before NEET-PG, as 24 lakh doctors prepare to write an exam on Sunday to be resident doctors, this news has wrapped us all in agony and rage,

What are they working so hard for? Why should they aspire to be in a system that ignores their basic needs? The minimum requirement of a workplace is safety. That should be non-negotiable.

This profession demands extereme hardwork, a lot of mental strength and Physical Assaults, harassment, low paying jobs with odd working hours with intense humiliation. Now its the worst of all seeing a bright mind losing her life in the most disrespectful state of all. This should never happen to any woman.

I'd also like to question why isn't any big media house covering this news, where are all the international news channels all this time.

What are the students in other medical colleges doing? This talks about their own safety and lives. What are the medical students across the world doing? It's time for us to stand for the most basic Human right, safety.

Yesterday when my roommate, an MBBS final year intern was heading for her night posting, I feared and prayed for her to come back safely. Thinking about it, in a few years I will also have night posting, I'll also return from my hospital duties late at night. I'll also have to go through the same fear, and I'll also have to keep praying that my worst fears don't turn into reality. So many female doctors, nursing staffs, other Healthcare workers, other working women, non-working women go through the same fear, probably multiple times a day.

It is a shame to be born in such a disgusting world and society, it is shame to witness such a brutal crime, and it is a shame to live in this fear daily.

Those RAPISTS need to be hunged infront of the whole natio...if needed burned alive. People should fear the idea of raping, more than getting raped.

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

humans are space orcs

imagine someone with chronic joint pain, whose dream their whole lives has been to go to space and meet the aliens and be a scientist and learn

so they look up the requirements as a kid and go "fuck."

they wouldn't make the cut.

their dreams are dashed. hopes ruined. lifelong dre destroyed.

except....

they've never really said a whole lot about their pain. they don't particularly like doctors, and they think that they've been managing just fine, so they never saw the point.

so maybe... maybe if they just don't say anything, they can make it to space.

they spend all of their time training. doing physical therapy exercises so that their joints aren't so loose, soaking up as much scientific and mathematical knowledge as they can, teaching themselves to push through the worst of it in pursuit of their dream.

and they make it.

they make it to space! it was gruelling, tortuous work, but they made it!

their first mission is an exploratory one, with a diverse crew which only has one other human.

they're thrilled.

they have dozens of alien friends and acquaintances. they spend hours learning and researching alien planets and cultures. it's everything they've ever wanted!

but

it's exhausting.

they're in more pain than they've ever been, more frequently than they ever have.

they keep up their exercises as best they can, but even those are often too much.

they smile when asked if they're alright, tell everyone that "i'm fine! just tired."

but they need a break. they can't imagine going or being sent back to earth, this is their home now, with these people, on this ship. but they don't know how much longer they can take this.

one day, on their day off, a fellow researcher comes and knocks on their door.

"are you here?"

"not today islith."

"but we've been called! there are some exciting new discoveries that need further cataloging and investigation, and carlmoth thought you would enjoy the task!"

"i can't today, islith."

"are you ill?"

"...kind of? but i'll be right as rain tomorrow. it's my day off anyhow."

"nonsense! you should go down to medbay!"

"i'm alright, i promise."

"you get out here right this minute or i'll report you to medbay myself!"

"no!" there's a series of crashes and thumps, and then they open the door.

"oh, you look awful. come on, you really must need medbay, what if you're contagious." islith tries to grab them but they shy away.

"i'm not contagious, i promise."

"how can you possibly know that? what if you picked it up from a sample, or, or, garfon has been sick recently! humans can't survive cerian sicknesses-"

"i didn't catch something from garfon, islith," they sigh and open the door wider. "come in and let me explain."

"alright, but if i think you should go to medbay afterwards then i'm taking you there."

"sure, islith."

islith enters, notices the piles of clothes, rumpled bedsheets, the lights are off and the port window shut.

"what's wrong?"

they sigh again, "my body doesn't work like it's meant to, islith."

islith is wildly alarmed, "and you said there was no need for medbay?!? come with me right now and-"

"no! i can't, islith, you don't understand."

"then explain it to me."

"i've... always been this way, although it's gotten worse as i've gotten older. my body, it just isn't built quite right, there's something wrong with it that makes it not work properly and hurt often."

"you're right, i don't understand. why can't you go to medbay?"

"i'd... be thrown off the ship."

"what?!?"

and so they tell islith a story about a young child whose dream was to touch the stars.

"and now, it's too late. i'd get in huge trouble for lying to the government, especially for so long."

"well- but- but humans are so resilient! you hear all the stories!"

"not every human is the same, islith. some of us are born disabled, and some of us get hurt in accidents, just like any other species."

"well, then, well there must be something we can do?"

they look up in shock, "we?"

"of course we, you ridiculous creature," islith said with a fond sigh. "you didn't think i'd leave you to suffer, would you?"

"but, you could get in so much trouble!"

"that's alright, i don't mind. what else are friends for? and, anyway, we don't have to tell your government, we can tell mine."

"but i'll-"

"we don't have any rules like that. any of us who are disabled can still manage in space just fine with the right support, and i bet you could too."

"i- islith- i don't-"

"don't worry, we'll all back you when it comes down to it. you're out teammate, our family. no one on this ship wants to watch you leave because of something you can't control. now come on, let's talk to glidlep in medical, she'll understand."

and for years, things continued on that way, until eventually it was an open secret that the human with the exosuit was disabled and not technically allowed onboard.

and down the line, when nasa found out and was furious, the entire ship and more stood by their side.

[coraniaid]

The scene where Willow confronts Faith is Choices is kind of fascinating to me, because ... well.

I like Choices quite a lot, and I think Willow's dislike of Faith is perfectly understandable and in character (and her speech has some fun but probably not intentional foreshadowing for later seasons), but it's hard not to notice that the narrative expects you to be rather more unambiguously on Willow's side than I think is really warranted.

I mean, Willow might not have been the most popular girl in high school, but she has multiple close friends, a nice boyfriend, a stable [and fairly comfortably middle-class] home life, she "represents the pinnacle of achievement in Sunnydale High" in the words of her school's principal, she's trusted enough to teach at the school, in a year she'll be able to go to any college she wants (and, unlike some people, she can afford to go anywhere she wants), she used to hack into government computer databases (before she ever met Buffy!) and now she's teaching herself dark magic "for fun" and she hasn't [yet] ever suffered any real repercussions for either of those things.

On the other hand, from what little we hear about Faith's past we know she grew up poor and that her mother used to get drunk and beat her, that she didn't have any friends and dropped out of high school young, she is very strongly implied on multiple occasions to have been the victim of some pretty horrific abuse before being called as a Slayer, and after being called as a Slayer she got to watch the one adult who ever told her she mattered get killed horribly in front of her before fleeing across the country to a town where she doesn't know anybody, still has no friends, doesn't have a job or go to school and lives alone in a motel in the bad part of town. And when she accidentally killed a man, while trying to do the whole slaying vampires thing she's supposed to be doing, the Watcher's Council -- who never actually bothered to send her a new Watcher of her own -- decided to have her abducted and dragged away to England [a fate which surely nobody deserves].

Yet a part of Willow clearly thinks (and almost outright says) "oh, well, yeah, but she hangs out with Buffy sometimes when I don't get to and she slept with the guy -- not my nice boyfriend! -- who I used to have a crush on (and who I was briefly cheating on said boyfriend with), so it's clearly impossible to say which of us really had things worse and I don't need to feel sorry for her". And -- again, while this is great characterisation for Willow -- it's kind of hard not to notice that the writers think she has a compelling point.

Yes, sure, Faith has defected to working for the Mayor and has a knife drawn on Willow this scene (she's not anything like a blameless victim at this point of the story) and it takes a certain level of physical bravery for Willow to stand up for herself despite that. But ... I mean, come on. "You had friends like Buffy" is only true if you accept it to mean "you had exactly one friend, who was Buffy". "It's way too late" for Faith to seek forgiveness ... how many people has Faith killed at this point? One, by mistake? Giles has killed more people than that. "Some people think you had a lot of bad breaks?" Yeah, actually in Faith's shoes I'd want to hit Willow after she said that too.

I realize that part of the show's central thesis -- something that explicitly came up as recently as Earshot -- is the idea that everybody, regardless of how comfortable their life might seem from the outside, has their own sorrow and pain and (only occasionally metaphorical) demons to fight. But while that's not entirely wrong, it's also ... not entirely complete? Everyone has it bad sometimes, but some people really do have it worse than others. Pretending otherwise is ... not a serious position to take.

Willow's life could be better, but she's not gone through anything like Faith has. I'd argue she literally can't imagine how bad Faith's life has been. She really doesn't have as much moral authority as the show's writers think she has at this point.

[Compare this part of Season 3 with the first half of Season 6, when the show is overflowing with sympathy for Willow's abrupt descent into magic addiction but has no sympathy at all for Amy Madison, whose own magic addiction is just implied to be because she's inherently a Bad Person who Willow needs to avoid and whose own horrific past and abusive mother and complete lack of support system is just entirely forgotten about. Or, indeed, to the weird take of Dead Man's Party, which has Buffy apologize to Willow for ... what? Having problems of her own that don't revolve around Willow? Being too busy mourning the loss of everything she ever cared about to tell Willow how uniquely special and amazing she was for learning rudimentary magic? Not being grateful enough for Willow restoring Angel's soul without bothering to ask Buffy if that was something she still wanted her to try?]

So, the overall effect is ... yeah, it's a good scene. But it's almost a good scene despite the writer's intentions, not because of them. It's much less of an ambiguously triumphant moment for WIllow than I believe we're meant to read it as.

[yanderes-galore]

57.) "You're stuck with me, like it or not." For Yandere Zoro who has a hobby taking his childhood friend on his adventures weather their like it or not 🩴 ( I was thinking platonic but romantic works as well ) please 

Sure! Just to let people know, this prompt was from my own list so it's not linked. I also made the pairing vague as Zoro's actions can go either way in this. I'll admit, the plot differed from the request but I wasn't sure where to go with it? Hope you like it either way :(

Yandere! Roronoa Zoro Prompt 57

"You're stuck with me, like it or not."

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Controlling behavior, Isolation, Violence, Swearing, Threats, Forced companionship/relationship.

Zoro has never let you out of his sight since you were young. Even when he left your village to be the world's greatest swordsman, he vowed to take you with him. Being friends and a fellow orphan like him... you agreed at first as you also wanted to see the world.

Back then you craved adventure, something different than home.

You haven't returned to your village for years. In fact, Zoro got lost. Which meant you had to stay beside your childhood friend.

Zoro has often dragged you on adventures since your youth. Be it exploring your own island or the seas beyond it... Zoro insisted you be there.

He always wanted you to support him through his goals.

Even when separated from Zoro, the swordsman always somehow found you again. You two could be considered inseparable. Hell, even when he joined Luffy's crew, you were dragged to come along.

Why?

Well it's not like he can abandon you now.

You're Zoro's closest companion. Part of you wonders if he took you with him due to the death of Kuina. You wondered if he was doing this because he didn't want you alone... or if he feared being alone.

Your life was never all that stable with Zoro. The swordsman insisted on never leaving you alone. Whenever he left to explore a new island, you came with.

You knew it was Zoro's hobby to take you on adventures. Originally it was fun. You cared for Zoro, you followed him everywhere...!

Yet even you were getting tired of all the dangers pirate life and life beside Zoro subjected you to.

It was to be expected that you and Zoro parted ways eventually. In reality, you should've parted years ago in your village. Pirate life was fun and full of adventure...

But you only ever did it for Zoro.

"I think I've had my fill of... this, Zoro."

His reaction was expected. The normally stoic Zoro's face shifted into surprise when you confessed your worries. He appeared speechless while you two sat on the boat in private, an uneasy look in your gaze as you glanced out at the sea.

"I mean... I adored our adventures when we were younger. Being a pirate with you didn't sound like something we'd do... but I did it because you wanted to. Unfortunately... I don't think I can accompany you much longer."

"What's that supposed to mean...?" Zoro finally managed to say, staring at his childhood friend in bewilderment.

You take a deep breath, looking back at him.

"I want to start a new life. I want to find an island to start anew. I'm not a fighter, Zoro. I help you all out, yes, but I'd be better off living a life somewhere else."

"You know you can't do that..." Zoro sighs, refusing to leave your side and scolding you like a disobedient child. "You've... never been away from me."

"I can't stay with you forever..." You push, but Zoro shuts you down.

"Where do you plan on going? You have a bounty like the rest of us. You said it yourself, you can't fight... You'll die." Zoro responds coldly, eyes narrowing at your idea.

"Zoro, I'll hold you back—"

"You never have before! If you leave, you'll die. The government, pirates, something will get you. You need me, dumbass." Zoro scoffs, making you glare.

"Zoro, just support me on this..." You plead.

"And let you die? Never. I can protect you and this crew just fine. You and I stay together. Our adventures? Together." Zoro scolds again, making you more irritated.

"... I don't care what you say. Someday, we'll part ways." You grumble defiantly, only for Zoro to harshly grab you and pull you closer.

"You know how much blood I've spilt to protect you?" Zoro growls lowly. "Enough to show I'm completely devoted to you... yet you want to leave me?"

You squirm in the grasp of your childhood friend, mumbling uneasy apologies. His grasp only seems to tighten. His gaze is dark, staring you down in an intimidating gesture.

"You think I'm even going to let you off this boat after this?" Zoro hisses. "You aren't leaving this boat until you snap out of this doubt of yours. Even if it means I have to lock you in your quarters due to being a danger to yourself!"

You freeze when Zoro barks at you, the swordsman huffing at your silent state.

"You're stuck with me, like it or not." Zoro sternly states as though it's a fact. "Even if I leave the crew, you're coming with me. My adventures are yours too... always have been."

Zoro soon lets you go, causing you to stumble back with some fear in your eyes. Zoro's never... been like this before. He really is desperate to keep you....

"Nothing's going to change how I feel." Zoro grumbles, turning around, "Snap out of it... I'm never abandoning you..."

Zoro then turns to look over his shoulder, you're trembling. His gaze only softens momentarily, as he's clearly still pissed that you would attempt to leave him.

"I'm expecting you to never abandon me either... Even if I have to remind you."

With that, Zoro walks off to no doubt nap or train...

Leaving you to fear your childhood friend and what he's capable of.

[h0rnyauth0r]

könig saves you during your first mission working with his team, and you develop a huge crush on him! he likes you too, so you decide to fuck <3 (also i included the name of one character from the game, she's really pretty so i wanted to include her on the side lol)

I NEVER REALIZED THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM UNTIL NOW AND IT'S BAD.

dni if young pls! <3

word count: 4.3k (i literally want to fuck him so bad. if he and ghost would tag team me i would literally die happy. i'd sell my soul and crawl to the ends of the earth for them to just demolish me. thank you.)

tws: reader with vagina, unprotected sex, pussy eating, fingering, rough sex, choking, cumming inside, idk what else honestly.

you can feel the anxiety coursing through your veins as you step onto the platform, fully dressed and prepared for the plane ride to your mission. you’re new to the kortac team, having worked with calisto a few times but having no other experience with the group.

you know nothing other than everyone’s names, but they seem welcoming enough. that’s the least of your worries, you just don’t want to fuck up and ruin the mission for everyone else.

it’s not long before you’re seated on the plane, strapped in as you prepare for the ride. your orders are to eliminate a terrorist group that has stationed themselves in a rural town. they murdered most of the townsfolk and are planning an attack on the united states.

you’ve been ordered to remain stealthy with these targets, as there are more of them than there are of your group. it would be far too easy to end up dead if not careful, so you’re going to be as slow and quiet as possible.

the base you were stationed at wasn’t too far from the area you’ll be landing at, just an hour long flight. you will be walking and infiltrating from there, hopefully not raising any attention when the plane drops you off.

you’ve tried ignoring your only distraction among these plans, which just so happens to be one of your team members. the large man never spoke to you, but calisto said he suffers from social anxiety so he’s likely going to remain silent around you.

as much as it sucks, you can’t help but find him so intriguing. he’s attractive, even with his face hidden. seeing nothing but his dark eyes staring at you when you first showed up caused a heat to rise in your pants that you’d rather not admit exists.

and so you decided to avoid him, not wanting to do anything that may make him uncomfortable. feeling attracted to him makes you feel guilty, so the mission will be your top priority now.

you decide to occupy yourself by sorting through your pouches, noting that every item you need is there. you nearly forgot your throwing knives back at the base, but luckily you managed to grab them as you were heading out.

everything seems satisfactory as you close up your final pouch resting on your thigh. you can feel someone staring at you, so you look up and notice könig’s eyes on your body.

your eyes meet with his and he looks away, turning his head to the right. your face feels hot as you look down and decide to fiddle around with the straps on your pants.

you feel like a teenager again, taking deep breaths to calm down as you notice the feeling of the plane descending to the ground. as it does so, you finally unstrap your body from the seating and meet up at the front of the plane.

the group is there, listening to the captain remind everyone of the task at hand and what should be done for now. after you’re done here, the government will do cleanup for you. 

your head is finally clear as you grab onto one of the guns at the base of the plane and quickly exit, separating from the large group and breaking off into smaller sections.

the set of buildings is about a 10 minute walk, and you jog forward towards the terrorist area. it’s night, but the place is well-lit. it will be difficult to maintain stealth, but taking out the guards will make it easier.

you opt to do that once you approach, noticing your team take the furthest ones out as you sneak further in and use your knives on the majority of them.

the mission continues rather smoothly as you approach the building you have been assigned to, climbing through one of the windows and stabbing one of the people hidden inside.

you notice there’s a lot of different forms of terroristic propaganda in the room, flags and flyers amongst others. you decide to look around for anything of value to mention to your captain but find nothing, heading out and into one of the many halls.

as you walk down the hall, you can hear talking. panic rises in your chest as you notice several men racing towards you, freezing in place as you try to find anywhere to go.

it’s difficult to see, but a hand grasps onto your wrist and slams you into a gap in the walls. you look up with a panic, calming down once you notice könig looking down at you with a finger pressed against where his mouth likely is.

“quiet.” he whispers, body pressing against you and causing your face to heat up with embarrassment. your head is against his chest as the people walk by, somehow not noticing your bodies pressed together in the small space.

when they pass by, the two of you both throw knives at the same time. two of the men drop, but the others notice and turn towards you. that’s when you decide to go for it and quickly shoot them with your pistol, running down the hallway as other gunshots begin raining out.

the others have begun shooting, meaning that now is the time to quickly take these people out before they call more to the area. you pick up a radio from one of the many bodies left out, listening in for information but not understanding the language being spoken.

you decide to carry on with könig for now, sweeping different rooms and eventually making your way to a different floor. after a lot of work and almost running out of ammo a few times, your radio sounds.

“all clear. head out of the buildings and we can have a meeting once we get back to base.” your captain says, and you send an acknowledgement forward.

you notice that könig hasn’t spoken to you as you both walk out of the building with the others, but you decide to speak up. “thank you. i probably would’ve died if you weren’t there.” your voice is shaky as you talk, feeling a little worried about making him uncomfortable.

he nods his head. “you are welcome.”

your interactions are very rare for a while after that, but he eventually warms up to you more. sometimes you will sit together for meals, and sometimes partner up during missions.

in the back of your mind, that lust for him never quite goes away. it hits you hard when you have a wet dream while staying on a foreign base, hours before an important mission.

your panties soaked through, thighs trembling, and clit unbearably hard. your dream consisted of him fucking you hard on a table in front of everyone, which felt so humiliating but so exhilarating at the same time.

you felt too embarrassed to look at him for a few days, trying so hard to avoid another dream like that. thankfully you don’t, and after a month you manage to move on and continue like before.

the feelings for him never fade, though. you notice it one day during a mission when he gently puts a hand on your back to lead you through a building, butterflies building up in your stomach just from his touch.

it happens a few times here and there, often during missions you notice. he’ll just barely touch you for a moment, and let go seconds later. it flusters you every single time, and makes it very difficult to focus at times.

today is no different, the two of you working together to stop a group of russians from going through with an attack. after the mission has ended, you’re both scaling the building to make sure that there aren’t any escapees or survivors.

after it’s been settled, he gently pulls on your arm while you head out. your eyes look down at where his large hand is and you find your face heating up again. you almost feel like a teenager again with how flustered you become, but you just continue about.

you’ll be staying in a small house with the others, designed to be a place to reconvene and discuss the details of what had gone on. thankfully, you don’t have to share a room tonight.

part of you wants to though, specifically with the austrian man who constantly takes over your thoughts. you shake that thought out of your head as you continue walking into the house, finding the room you were assigned to and deciding to finally change into regular clothing.

after changing, you finally go into the living room area and see others gathered together. you notice how könig has decided to keep his face cover on, which disappoints you mildly but you understand that he probably has his reasons.

you take a seat on a small couch by yourself, noticing the way he decides to take a look at you before slyly meandering his way over to you and sitting beside you. you try your best to not get flustered and listen in on what the others are saying about your assignment.

it’s not long before you zone out, bored of this already. your eyes just barely glance over to könig and you notice the way his large legs are spread out, an elbow placed against his knee as he boredly leans forward with his eyes lidded shut.

he looks so fucking hot right now and you don’t understand why. he’s doing something so simple, but yet it sends shivers down your spine and you can’t find the courage to take your eyes off of him.

you do, though, once his eyes flutter over to yours. you become flustered instantly, deciding to quickly lean away and focus on the window beside you. you nearly jump out of your skin when one of his hands just barely touches your thigh.

you swallow hard, glancing down and seeing the way his hand squeezes on your tight pants. it’s such a small act, but you want to take him into your room and make him fuck you until there’s nothing left in your head other than the thought of his cock.

now you’re trying especially hard to pay attention, wanting nothing more than to make your intentions obvious. just his hand touching your thigh makes you this stupid, you need to pay attention more before something bad may happen.

after a few more minutes of talking, you notice that everyone decides that you can continue discussing in the morning as it’s gotten rather late. calisto mentions that relaxation would be better than working right now, and you can’t help but agree with her words.

however, relaxing is the least of what you want right now. the only thing you want is sitting beside you, watching your every breath and movement. you’re trying your best to play it cool, but you can tell that you’re bad at it.

his hand suddenly leaves you and you’re looking to your left where he’s sat, noticing the way he stands up and stretches the slightest amount. you’re biting down harshly on your bottom lip as your eyes land between his legs. how did you not notice the absolutely massive bulge in his pants before?

you inhale sharply, trying so hard to just push the thoughts of him away. but he makes it rather difficult when he reaches a hand out, and you take it.

“would you like to come with me?” he asks you.

yes, you’re thinking, in more ways than one.

you nod your head thoughtlessly, feeling the small tug as he begins walking you away from your team and down the hallway. your legs already feel like jelly, anticipation bubbling up and causing your breathing to pick up slightly.

you don’t know what’s going to happen, maybe it’s nothing. but you feel your skin become hotter as he leads you to your room, almost sweating as you notice the way he closes and even locks the door.

the way you’re standing there blankly is embarrassing for you, not knowing what to do. your thighs are pressed together tightly, your eyes on his body as he walks up to you. one of his hands reaches out and touches your face, and you can barely breathe as his fingers brush over your lips.

you look into his eyes in that moment, noticing the want that shows in his too. you find yourself reaching out and touching the hood covering his face, beginning to pull it up slowly. his body goes stiff for a moment, before he relaxes and nods at you to continue.

you almost hesitate, but pull it off. you gulp when you notice his features, and just how good looking he really is. his lips look so kissable, a nice jawline, and you can’t help but fall further into the depths of wanting him.

you can feel your body shaking as you look into his eyes, feeling one of his hands reach out and touch your waist. you’re not sure what to do or even say as you look at one another, before he looks away and speaks up softly.

“can i kiss you?”

you use your hand to turn his face toward yours as you nod, leaning closer to his body as your lips finally meet. his lips are so very soft and for a small kiss, it has you dizzy with pleasure and you can feel your clit throbbing in your pants.

when your lips pull away, he’s grabbing onto you and leading you to the bed that’s next to you, pushing your body down onto the bed as he leans over you. his hands are on either side of your head, strong thigh pressed in between your legs and pushing into your core.

he leans down to you and your lips are connected again, this time in a much more heated manner. you groan out against his lips, tongues intertwining as he moves feverishly against you. when his thigh pushes against you again, you squeak into his mouth and your toes curl in the slightest.

you end up unconsciously grinding your hips into his thigh as you kiss, breathing heavily into his mouth before his lips move down to your neck and he bites down hard. the action has you gasping out loudly, quickly covering your mouth with a hand as he looks to you.

“no, don’t do that. i want to hear every little noise you make for me.”

his voice is much deeper than normal, sending shivers down your spine as you move your hand away from your mouth. he begins sucking on your neck, certainly leaving marks that you’ll have to worry about in the morning but you couldn’t care less in the moment.

the way he moves along your throat sends your head back into the pillow, hands fisting the sheets as your eyes shut tightly. you feel his hands touch your tits, squeezing and feeling you up. the feeling sends shocks to your core, biting down on your lip harshly.

he pulls back and begins tugging on your shirt, and you open your eyes and lift your back up so he can take your shirt off. he looks down to your bra and back up to you, quickly unclasping it and tossing it to the side along with your shirt.

as he looks at your body, a hand reaches out and plays with your nipples. you moan quietly, biting down on your lip as you look at him. “schön.” he mutters under his breath, fingers pinching gently before he eventually starts fiddling with the waistband of your pants.

you gaze up at him, “can you take that off?” your voice is quiet as you point to his shirt, and he nods the smallest amount as he does so. your eyes immediately look over his chest, almost bulging out of your head as you admire him.

you knew he’d be muscular, but he’s so much hotter than you ever thought he’d be. with his broad shoulders and all, the sight of his abs and just how toned he is makes you almost drool.

you’re certain that you’re in love with him now.

“you’re hot.” you say, eyes looking back up at his to see him sheepishly smile for a moment. seeing him after so long makes you want him so much more, and you’re not sure how you’ve held back for as long as you have.

he grasps onto your hips for a moment, squeezing harshly as he looks over your naked top half. he decides to tug your pants down and off of your body, leaning you in nothing but your panties now. you feel embarrassed when you look down and see that there’s a very prominent wet patch.

but when his eyes look down and see it, he just brings a finger down and brushes it against you. “you’re so wet for me.” his finger reaches into your panties and pulls them aside, gently rubbing against your clit and making you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

he moves his body down towards your crotch, finally pulling your panties off of your body as his head dips down and he begins kissing your thighs. you can feel yourself becoming more wet, dripping even, as his lips make their way to your folds.

the way his tongue teases you for a moment makes you anticipate him devouring your pussy more, and when his tongue swipes against your clit you’re crying out desperately.

his lips and tongue move against your clit as a finger pushes against your hole and quickly thrusts into you. as his fingers pick up momentum, his tongue does too, and soon enough your hands are tangled in his hair.

you tug against him, hips grinding against his face for more than he can give. he adds a second finger, thrusting harder and making you moan more and more. you’re ashamed to admit how close you are already, but you whimper out the word ‘close’ and he acknowledges it by moving faster.

the sounds echoing in the room are your moans and the lewd squelching of your pussy, and you’re hoping that nobody can hear the noises through the door or the walls. his fingers amplify the noise as they thrust harder and begin curling up into you.

the feeling of his tongue circling your clit sends you closer to the edge, moans becoming more breathy and toes curling hard- before he pulls back completely.

your eyebrows furrow as you look at him, whining in frustration. “w-why?” your clit almost hurts now, pussy feeling empty and abandoned as your whole orgasm is ruined and taken from you in such a cruel manner. but he just stares down at you smugly, climbing off of the bed to remove his pants and eventually his underwear too.

“i think i’d rather you cum on my cock.” his words make your whole body heat up, noticing the way his cock springs up when he pulls his underwear down. even his cock is hot to you, long and thick and leaking a small amount at the tip.

you bite down on your lip as you stare, wanting so badly to shove his entire cock down your throat until you’re crying and filled with his cum. but you look away, back up to him and notice the way he’s eyeballing your body as well.

he approaches you again, pushing your body down harshly and pulling your thighs to the edge of the bed. he tugs your legs open and his hand reaches for his cock and starts rubbing it against your clit and your soaking folds, sliding up and down before finally pushing the tip in.

your eyes roll back from the feeling, fingernails digging into his wrist that’s been placed beside your body on the bed. he’s barely pushed into you, but you’re already so full and so overwhelmed.

he pushes in slowly, the stretch making you arch your back against him and cry out. as each inch enters you further, you can eventually feel him begin pushing up against your cervix and you notice the way that tears begin to blur your vision.

it hurts how much he’s stretching you, but at the same time your cunt has turned into a complete waterfall with the way his cock hits every single sweet spot inside of you. you feel so full, but somehow even fuller when he bottoms out.

“so tight…” he says quietly, hands grabbing onto your hips as he slowly pulls out and pushes in. you’re crying now, moaning out his name from just the smallest of thrusts. his cock is massive, almost making you cum just from how big he is.

your eyes are clenched shut as he moves slowly, but hard. “please.” you say lowly. you want so much more, you want him to hurt you. all you want is for him to fuck you until you pass out right now, and he’s being far too gentle for you.

“please what?”

you swallow down the embarrassment now. “fuck me. please. hard, fast, i don’t care anymore.” you moan out, tears still streaming down your face as you feel his hips pull back and start moving more harsh against you.

as his hips pick up a more rough, fast pace, your moans are loud. they almost overtake the sound of his hips slamming into you, wet slapping sounds bouncing off of the walls and now absolutely likely to be heard from anyone who walks by.

even the bed starts creaking, his fingernails breaking the flesh of your hips as he thrusts into you. you’re looking at his face, noticing the way his jaw is clenched and sweat is gathering at his forehead. his chest is rising and falling quickly, fucking into you harder and harder.

it feels so good and you can just barely breathe, wanting him to completely ruin you. one of his hands moves up to your tits, squeezing hard as he leans down and sucks on them. he’s leaving dark purple marks on your skin, hips picking up a harder pace as your nails begin scratching against his back.

he leans up more, lips against yours now as he thrusts into you. he’s letting out small groans here and there, and the way he sounds makes you feel like you’re going to explode.

his teeth pull against your bottom lip, sucking in your lip roughly and drawing blood. the feeling makes you cry out against him, nails digging into his skin deeper as he thrusts into you harder.

as your tongues brush together, you feel his hand grasp onto your throat and push down the slightest amount. you feel yourself become dizzy with pleasure, your orgasm approaching at a fast pace with the feeling of his cock fucking into you harder.

“go on, cum on my cock.” his words are what take you off the edge.

your back arches once it finally hits, crying out against his mouth as your cunt clenches against his cock and gushes out more of your juices than before. your fingers cling onto his back as you come down from your high, his thrusts elongating the feeling of your orgasm.

you’re saying his name in a whimper as his grip on your throat tightens, your whole body shaking as tears flow from the overstimulation. his thrusts begin to get more frantic now, his own orgasm finally approaching after so long.

“gonna cum in you.” he says, voice rough with pleasure as you nod your head along with his words. you can barely see or even think straight, but his cum filling you up is something you crave now.

“please, fill me up.” you moan, gasping out in pleasure as his cock twitches and finally fills your cunt up to the rim. his cum is warm as he keeps thrusting, cum starting to leak out of you and make squelching noises from the force of his moving.

he lets out the prettiest moan afterwards, eyes clenched shut as he slowly comes to a stop with his dick sitting inside of you. you try to catch your breath once his hand is removed from your throat, eyes looking up at him with so much adoration.

you wipe away your tears, feeling his cock finally slide out of you and the sound of some of your combined juices dripping onto the floor beneath you. you look at his cock and see that it’s still large even when not erect, and you fall back onto the bed from how tired you are.

“you have no idea how long i’ve wanted that.” you say to him, eyes closing as you move your body so you’re laying down on the bed with your head on the pillow. 

“i’ve seen how you look at me. you’re very obvious with your feelings.” he says, and you hear him shuffling around before feeling something press against your pussy, noticing that he’s helping clean his cum up that’s leaking out.

you look down at him and grin. “really? i had no idea.”

he shakes his head, throwing the item he used to help clean you up into a nearby bin. he notices that you’ve kept yourself naked, shrugging and deciding to join you in the bed. as he lays down beside you, he pulls your body close to his and you rest your head against his chest.

you look up at him, “i quite like you. this isn’t something i only wanted as a one time thing. i’d like to be with you again, in so many different ways.”

he presses a finger to your lips, eyes shutting. “while i feel the same, i would prefer it if we both got some rest. i can guarantee that we will hear an earful in the morning.”

you feel your face turn hot in embarrassment as you nod, eyes shutting as you lean against him and decide to calm down. you feel like a puddle, and you’re really hoping that when morning comes there won’t be too much trouble.

--

taglist: @kovieky

(feel free to dm or send an ask to be on the taglist! i'll add anyone who wants to be added :))

[avelera]

I've been talking with a few people irl about the TikTok ban and I was wondering if I could get your take on it? (iirc you work in election security). Mainly I'd like to know why TikTok/China is *uniquely* bad wrt dating mining/potential election interference when we've seen other companies/governments do the same thing (thinking of the Russian psyops here on Tumblr in 2016). It feels like the scope is so narrow that it doesn't come close to targeting the root problem (user privacy and data mining as a whole), leading me to think it's only point is "ooh China Scary". Thoughts? (No worries if you'd rather not get into it, I just thought of you as someone who might have more insight/informed opinions on the matter).

So I'm not really familiar with all the details of the case and certainly not all the details of the bill. But I will give my perspective:

TikTok as a particular threat to users' data and privacy has been known for some time in the cybersecurity world. US government employees and contractors have been straight-up forbidden to have it on their phones for some time now. I, for example, have never had it on my phone because of these security concerns. (Worth noting, I'm not a government employee or contractor, it was just a known-to-be dangerous app in the cybersecurity world so I avoided it.)

This is because the parent company, as I understand, has known connections to the Chinese government that have been exploited in the past. For example, to target journalists.

Worth noting, another app that would potentially be on the chopping block is WeChat, which also has close ties to (or is outright owned by?) the Chinese government. This is just speculation on my part but it's based on the fact that all the concerns around TikTok are there for WeChat too and it has also been banned on government devices in some states, so I imagine it would be next if the bill passes.

I think this is important to note because I've seen some hot takes here on Tumblr have said that the entire case against TikTok is made up and there is no security threat. That is simply not true. The concerns have been there for a while.

However, the question of what to do about it is a thorny one.

The determination seems to be that so long as TikTok is still owned by its parent company with its direct ties to the Chinese government, there really is no way to guarantee that it's safe to use. From that angle, demanding that the company sever ties and set up some form of local ownership makes sense.

I am not a lawyer, but, that being said, forcing them to sell their local operations to a locally-based buyer is a pretty invasive and unusual step for legislators to take against a private company, even in a clear case of spying. I'm sure TikTok's widespread popularity is a big part of the threat it poses, which lends to the argument used to justify such an extreme step. (Because it is on so many phones, it really could be a danger to national security.)

That said, at one point young activists on TikTok embarrassed Trump (lots of good context in this article) while he was campaigning in 2020, and there was some talk then about shutting it down which seemed pretty clearly linked to how it was used as a platform to organize against him. I'm sure there's at least some right wing antipathy towards the app that has a political basis going back to this event. Trump signed an executive order banning it, the ban going into effect got bogged down in the courts, and then Biden rescinded that executive order when he got into office, pending an investigation into the threat it posed.

Those investigations seem to have further confirmed that the Chinese government is getting access to US user data through the app, and further confirmed it as a security threat.

Now, to muddy the waters further, there's several dodgy investment funds including one owned by former Secretary of the Treasury to Trump Steven Mnuchin that are circling with an interest to buy TikTok if it does sell. That's very concerning.

Funds like Mnuchin's interest in purchasing TikTok (even though they do invest in other technologies too, so it is in their portfolio) definitely makes the motivations behind the sale look pretty damning as momentum builds, that it could be some sort of money grab here in the US.

China has also pointed out that forcing the sale of a company because of spying concerns like this opens a whole can of worms. If China thinks that, say, Microsoft is spying on their citizens, could they force the US company to sell its operations in China to a Chinese investor? Could they force Google? Could they even further polarize the internet in general between "free" and "not free" (as in, behind the great Chinese or Russian firewall, as examples) if this precedent is set, so that no Western companies can operate in authoritarian states without selling their local operations there to a government-controlled organization, and thus be unable protect their users there? Or, if you don't have so rosy a view of Western companies, could it effectively deal a blow to international trade in general by saying you have to have to sell any overseas arms of a company to someone who is from there? Again, I'm not a lawyer, but this is a hell of a can of worms to open.

But again, this is muddy because China absolutely is spying on TikTok users. The security reason for all of this is real. What to do about it is the really muddled part that has a ton of consequences, and from that angle I agree with people who are against this bill. Tons of bad faith consequences could come out of it. But the concerns kicking off the bill are real.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Just read your eridan essay. I left a lot of words in the tags (sorry about that btw. I'm @kitkat-not-karkat, those were my tags) and I just. Holy fucking shit man.

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS. Like. Genuinely. Thank you.

That said, do you have any ideas on why Eridan might specifically flirt as a sort of default response sometimes? (I really hope I'm not misremembering that, the fandom bastardizes the poor guy to be Cronus 2.0-)

I have my own personal speculation here, but I'd love to see your take on it!

I think it's a few things all working in tandem, and I think you definitely nailed at least most of it! I do agree that a huge part of his fixation on romance is the fact that a romantic partner is "supposed" to stick around, and Eridan is simply desperate for attention and friendship.

There are a lot of people who idealize relationships and believe that they're the "fix" or "solution" to their emotional problems, and Eridan's obsession with blackrom in particular (where the caligulas part of his trolltag comes from) definitely has shades of that. A kismesistude is an outlet for violent urges, as well as a romantic interest who ideally doesn't ghost you or leave you alone (cough Vriska cough), and one of the two concupiscent quadrants that needs to be filled so you don't get culled.

An interesting thing is constantly being implied within the comic, which is that moirallegiance is actually kind of the most important quadrant for trolls, but their culture has de-emphasized it in favor of the two breeding-related quads. After all, since adult trolls don't have to raise their own young, what Karkat calls "mating fondness" is biologically much less imperative to their species compared to the quadrant that keeps volatile trolls from going berserk and killing people.

Moirallegiance is always treated with a sort of mysticism - it's called "magical" by the narration in relation to Kanaya and Vriska's moirallegiance while that's still extant, it's the only quadrant described as "soul mates," and in contrast to "mating fondness," Karkat mentions the "mystical forces governing moirallegiance." Moirails - Equius and Nepeta being confirmed, but I genuinely believe that that's what Feferi and Sollux would have resolved to in that hypothetical golden ending - are also the quad that spends the most time together, rather than the two concupiscents. The initial description of the pale quadrant even outright says that the attraction is "instinctive." There's something magical and destiny-laden in a moirallegiance that just isn't there to the same extent in the other three quads.

But in Alternian society, kindness, guilt, and the other kinds of things you'd share with a moirail are considered weakness, especially for highbloods. When Feferi is breaking up with him, Eridan flips out the hardest at the implication that she felt the need to take care of him, insisting that he was perfectly fine. I think this is the reason, in addition to the painful breakup, that Eridan never pursues pale relationships, even though a moirail is what he desperately needs. Instead, he pursues the much more societally acceptible pitch quadrant, which can serve a similar purpose of discharging some of his pent-up aggression.

Moreover, his flirting isn't nearly as relentless as people think it is, although he IS both really stubborn AND really socially inept, which makes it difficult both to get a "no" through his brain, AND to make it stick. Another part of it is that he's operating at very little self-awareness, which means he'll often be doing something without consciously realizing it. Also, he's desperate as hell, and has basically no ability to differentiate good and bad attention. This leads to a pretty messy cocktail that basically means:

He'll hit on anyone at least once (desperation), with the exception of people it would be really weird to hit on, for example, their dancestors, who are way older than them.

If a rejection is not made excruciatingly clear, he probably won't register it as a rejection (dumbassery).

Nearly any attention he gets might be misinterpreted as flirting, even after a rejection is made (desperation, also, can't differentiate between good and bad attention).

Even after a rejection is made and he logically understands it and outright says he respects it, he might still act in a flirtatious way unconsciously (zero self awareness).

Because he will hit on anyone at least once, and is constantly making things weird and leaping to "romance?" even when there's no flirtatious intent, people kind of assume he's always hitting on them, even when he isn't.

His emotions always running at a fever pitch, and the lack of self-awareness he cultivates in order to help deal with his horrible cognitive dissonance, mean that even HE'S not sure about his real feelings. He's always feeling SOMETHING very, very intensely (it's the trauma and anxiety), which he mistakes for true caliginous hatred, or fevered flushed intent. Unlike Cronus, who's basically just trying to get some action, Eridan genuinely feels something for people, and his extreme lack of emotional intelligence means he has no idea how to parse his own tempestuous emotions. He always leaps to feverish concupiscent attraction because that's just how intense his emotions run at any given moment.

#4 is happening to Feferi and Sollux, IMO, while Rose never properly rejected him, so he still thinks they have a chance, and the same happened with Vriska when she started ghosting him post-kismesistude. #5 can be seen in his last memo with Karkat, where Karkat starts to wonder if past!Eridan was redflirting with him by inviting him to LOWAA, even as Eridan himself has no idea what the fuck Karkat is talking about.

Thing is, he DOES actually accept rejections once he gets them through his thick skull, which sets him apart from Cronus, who gets rejected, knows it, and keeps going. It's just... Eridan's messy. His emotions are all over the place, and too big for his stupid body, so he's always making things weird and intense.

I blame his lusus, personally. In a previous post, I talk about how a huge factor in his inability to identify negative attention is because he's basically being emotionally neglected. This has also led to his desperation for attention in general. When combined with the trauma from all the murdering and the pressure society puts on him to fit into a certain mold, it leads to some pretty explosive emotional ourbursts, of which his intense, insistent, and downright uncomfortable flirting is a major facet, but also, only a facet.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to my friends due to a psychological disorder?

Ever since I (21F, american) was quite young (I would say around my 9 or 10 years) my mother noticed I had a tendency for lying, sometimes even for no reason at all. Some years after that I started going through therapy and psychiatric sessions and was diagnosed as bipolar and, more specifically, mythomania (compulsive/pathological lying, the diagnostic changed depending on which psychiatrist I went through). My manic episodes usually last longer than the depressive ones and, when those happen, I usually just lock myself from everyone in my bedroom (I rarely leave home even during manic episodes due to my own fear of anything bad that could happen outside)

And I'd say it's during those manic episodes that the bad things start to happen. Ever since my early 17s I started fabricating my own life to online friends since I have extreme difficulty making friends on real life. This ranged from stuff such as me saying that I'm disabled and that's why I don't leave my house (not true, I can do it when necessary but otherwise I am able bodied) and other simple, white lies to stuff like my relationship with my family and living condition.

It was in 2021 I think it started to go downhill. I still don't think I was in the wrong for it since, again, it is a mental disorder but I decided to come ask others too since the one friend I have that knows about it thinks I might be an asshole about this in specific.

Around 2021 I started playing a specific game with gacha mechanics. To this point, the image I had painted to most online friends (with the exception of that one friend) was of a girl on her 20s with a good relationship with her mother but a bad one with both her dad and brother (a lie, as our dad left us when we were children and I have a pretty good relationship with my brother), disabled and in bad living conditions. Because of that, it had been some time (since the beginning of the lockdown) since some of these friends started sending me money whenever I said I needed it for one reason or another (usually to buy food or necessities like hygiene products) and, since I didn't need it at all, I would just end up using it on stuff I enjoy like art supplies or makeup.

The moment I started playing that game though (which none of my friends knew about since they still thought I didn't have my own computer), I started spending all of that money on the game to pull for characters. It wasn't a constant thing but it got specifically bad on 2022, when a character I really enjoy was released.

I still think it's not that bad since none of them gave me a lot of money anyways, but after what I already had was spent on the game and I didn't have any money to buy the currency, I went to the discord servers venting channel and started writing by impulse stuff like how my dad had evicted me and me alone from the house after I stood up to him and now I was living in my cramped old car on the streets with no food, clothes etc. Some of those friends got extremely worried or something like that and ended up sending me more money than usual so I could 'pay for a hotel' until I had time to get government support etc (I don't really know how that works anyways, but I said I'd try and thanked them a lot for it and said that as soon as I was safe I'd draw something for them as payback but I never did because it wasn't really like it was a commission anyways) and I spent it on the game to get the character and I did!

I had to keep the lie about being homeless and then getting government support ever since and last month me and my "real life partner" (not real but i made it up a few months before this so i just used it as a excuse that he was working to get us both a place to stay) were finally in a safe apartment. However, one of those online friends knew about my condition and started to suspect about it all and got angry at me for no reason, saying that I was stealing from my friends and being unfair on even denying that to her. After that she blocked me but I was able to lie to the server that she had threatened me and implied I was lying about it all which wasn't true because that was my real living situation.

I still don't think I am in the wrong, they all did offer it to me on their own after all and I already spent it so there's nothing I can do. Am I the asshole for lying due to a mental health condition?

What are these acronyms?

[the-phantoms-kiss]

Pillow talk

Leon S Kennedy x Fem!Reader

Angst - Fluff - Smut - 5k

It was a wonderful night, the breeze was cool as it entered through the window, the moonlight shone happily into the room, and most importantly; I was wrapped up in the arms of the man I loved.

This should’ve been the perfect end sequence in a romance movie after the two protagonists have sex, or “make love”, however in my case, it did little to quell the questions that were raging inside my mind.

“Leon…” I whisper softly, propping myself up on my forearms. “What is it?” His voice was deep and tired. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to ask, perhaps I should wait until he isn’t half asleep. He opens his eyes after a while, noticing my lack of a response, and pulls me closer to him with the arm around my waist. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” He sits up, waiting for anything. “I- nothing… it’s okay. I’m sorry for waking you, go back to sleep.” I kiss him on the forehead and let him lie back down properly, resuming his peaceful slumber.

Before I know it the clock says it’s 2:41 and I’m in the same position I was all those hours ago. The same thought has been repeated over and over again. It’s stupid. I know the answer, yet I can’t bring myself to accept it. I should, otherwise I’ll just be wasting time. I get up as carefully as I can, trying not to wake Leon up, which is easier said than done, and I carefully make my way to a small office room in the apartment.

At his old typewriter, I begin to write a letter, it goes as follows;

Dear Leon,

I apologize for not giving you a proper goodbye, but I couldn't bear to look you in the eyes knowing I'd have to leave. It may not matter to you why it is that I'm leaving, hell I don't doubt you won't notice my absence until much later on, yet I still feel as if I owe you an explanation even if it’s a shitty one.

We've been close since that night in Raccoon City, we stuck through thick and thin on various missions afterward and I've seen you grow and change from the young, sweet, and artless rookie that you were. Don't worry, I've had my own changes, and it wasn't until recently that I discovered just how much I changed from the person I was to the person I am today, I've also noted the change from the person I am today to the person I wanted to be back then. I'm leaving in pursuit of becoming that woman I always wanted to be, that woman that I am deep down. A hopeless romantic who wants nothing more than to start a family in a small town with a meaningless job. This rotten city, and whichever other city you get assigned to has no future for me, at least not one that is negotiable. I will always remember you and hold you dear to my heart, but I’m just not sure I can be here any longer without losing myself. I’ve already lost so many, I can’t lose myself. Please don’t be sad, I’m sure you’ll meet others far funnier than I, others who you’ll be able to bear your whole soul to. Please don't track me.

Maybe someday our paths will cross, till then;

Yours truly,

💋

Leaving my lipstick was my signature, the easiest way for him to recognize me. I neatly folded it, put it inside an empty envelope, and set it on his nightstand along with a cup of coffee, just how he liked it. I drove back home and quickly packed up my belongings, stuffing them into the trunk of my car.

I drove up north, only stopping for coffee and gas every once in a while, never settling in a motel for the night, instead, I opted to sleep in the backseat of my car, dreaming of the day I’d finally be free of these plagues. Faking my death was the easiest part of it all, after all, working for the government means anything is accessible and anything is possible if you talk to the right people.

I wonder if he even saw the letter, he probably thought it was some lame excuse to leave without making him breakfast, a habit we had gotten used to over the years of casual sex and crashing over at each other’s place when we were too drunk to drive home. Maybe it was exactly what he was hoping for, a break from me. I guess only time will tell.

Leon’s POV

The smell of coffee lingers in the air, the bed is colder than usual, and she isn’t singing in the kitchen like she usually is when she spends the night, she didn’t even wake me up at 6. Did I somehow dream last night? I was pretty drunk… but that’s not right, the coffee on the nightstand is-. I sit up and grab the mug, it’s cold like it’s just been there for hours, but it’s the same as when she always makes it. This must be some kind of game, ah, and here’s a letter most likely explaining the rules, a bit unusual that she didn’t tell me earlier, usually when she plays these games she at least gives me a heads up. Jesus, why’d I have to be into a detective?

Let’s see, “ ’Dear Leon’, blah blah blah blah, jeez she really got into character this time, let’s just skip to the good part, ‘don’t track me’ What am I supposed to do then? Hope I run into her? Maybe the clues are hidden in the text.” As I reread the entire letter I quickly realize, that this isn’t another one of her games, this is a goodbye. But… no. She must be kidding right? Some sick prank she thought would be funny? She knows how many people have left me… she knows that… she’s… I don’t have anyone… why would she leave if she knew that? “FUCK” I grab the mug and toss it at the wall in a fit of rage, shattering to pieces.

 *RING RING RING* Great who is it now?! Claire Redfield? “My condolences Leon, she was a great teammate and an even better friend.” “What condolences? Do you know how long she was planning this?!” “I don’t know! I would’ve helped her if I had known… she didn’t deserve to go like that.” “Helped her?! Deserve to go out like that?! So what? You’re just going to help her play the victim now?” “Jesus, Leon! Have some respect for the dead, despite whatever religion you may believe in we can both agree that we shouldn’t blame her for killing herself, the blame should be on us who didn’t even notice something was up.” “Killed herself? What do you mean…?” “Stop acting dumb! It’s all over the news! Those damn bastards couldn’t let her rest even after her death.”

That can’t be right… she would have told me if she was even feeling remotely suicidal… she- THE LETTER! SHE TOLD ME! HOURS OR EVEN SECONDS BEFORE DOING IT! WHY WOULD SHE DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC! I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO HER! I COULD’VE SAVED HER AND EVEN AT THAT, I FAILED! MERE INCHES AWAY AND STILL I- I failed her- if I had gotten up instead of pretending to sleep if I had opened my eyes when she left the coffee on the nightstand… I could’ve prevented all of this…

2 Years later (2005) 7 years after the incident

MAIN POV

The night was quiet, even inside the bar, the bar was quieter than usual as it was late and most patrons would have work the next day. I loved these kinds of nights, the kind where the sound of people talking and low jazz music were nothing but ambiance noise compared to the rain that was pounding on the windows. The doorbell jingled, and a man came in. I must be dreaming, he looks an awful lot like Leon, sure the blonde hair is throwing me off but the resemblance is there, it can’t be, what’s an old town like this got to do with his operations? Maybe I’m drunk, I doubt it since this is my second glass of wine, but stranger things have happened. As I look back away and out the window a heavy set of footsteps walk up to my table. “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” Holy shit. It’s him. Maybe he won’t notice if I keep quiet and look out the window, maybe the changed hair color will throw him off? Right like his threw me right off track. I shake my head side to side, careful to not show my face. “Thanks.” He pulls out the chair, faces it towards the front of the bar, with his back to the window and sits on it. Umm hello? Can you leave? “It’s a nice night ain’t it.” I guess you aren’t going to leave. I just nod. “Cut the shit, I know it’s you.” He slams his beer on the table and turns his body towards me. I feel the hairs on my body stand at the sudden loudness of his voice. The place goes quiet for a second, and I remain quiet as well. “Fine then, don’t speak to me, I’ll talk whether you talk or not.” I stand up and quickly walk outside, speaking as I do. “I don’t want to talk Leon.” He reaches up to me just as fast, and grabs my wrist before I can get into my car, the rain slowly drenching us both.

 “No! You are not walking away from me. Not again. You may have said everything you wanted to that night but just remember that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. You left me with what may have been a reason to move states, but to me it was a letter with a reason to end your life, and that wasn’t fair. You knew that I would find out about your death so why make it seem like a suicide note knowing damn well that you had no intention to do so. You left me when you knew! YOU KNEW THAT I HAD NO ONE ELSE. DO YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH IT KILLED ME THINKING IT WAS MY FAULT YOU HAD ENDED IT? I CRIED FOR MONTHS NONSTOP AND WHEN I WOULDN’T BE CRYING I WOULD BE DRINKING, BLAMING MYSELF FOR NOT HAVE ASKED YOU WHAT WAS WRONG THAT NIGHT WHEN THERE WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG. IT KILLED ME. YOU KILLED ME. YOU HURT ME MORE THAN ANY OF THOSE STUPID MISSIONS EVER DID. AND FOR WHAT? WHAT WAS THE REASON? TO END UP WORKING AT SOME MORGUE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE? YOU WALKED OUT ON ME. WHY? WHY?! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO COME BACK JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHY!

“BECAUSE I LOVED YOU LEON! I STILL DO! AND I KNEW YOU WEREN’T READY TO SETTLE SO I LEFT. I LEFT THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AND I KNEW YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME. IT HURT TOO MUCH NEVER BEING ABLE TO TELL YOU OR SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH I DID. AND NO, I DIDN’T GET TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY IN THAT LETTER BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU KNEW I LOVED YOU. I AM SORRY I HURT YOU SO MUCH. I JUST COULDN’T LIVE THAT WAY AND I NEEDED TO ESCAPE. I WAS SO BLINDED BY MY OWN PAIN I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE WHAT I DID UNTIL I WAS SEVERAL TOWNS OVER AND I KNEW IT WAS TOO LATE BY THEN. I LOST IT. I LOST IT LEON. I LOST IT ALL. I- I WAS GOING MAD. IT WAS DRIVING ME MAD THE WAY YOU INTERACTED WITH ADA! YOU WERE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER AND I WAS SIMPLY THE SECOND CHOICE! EVEN WHEN WE MET YOU WERE HUNG UP ON SOMEONE! I NEVER HAD A CHANCE.”

“YOU’RE WRONG! I NEVER LIKED ADA! ALL SHE HAS DONE IS LIE AND BETRAY MY TRUST!  IT’S BEEN YOU SINCE THAT NIGHT WE MET! AND YOU’RE RIGHT I WASN’T READY TO HAVE A FAMILY, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I NEVER WANTED TO START ONE! ESPECIALLY WITH YOU! GOD I WOULD KILL TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO CALL YOU MINE IN ANY FORM!” His facial expression suddenly changes from anger to sadness, and one can practically see the gears in his brain as he thinks of what to say next. He steps closer his eyes now looking down at his own shoes, and when he speaks it’s much quieter than the previous shouting he was doing, his voice is slightly deeper and he talks slower, as if he’s realizing the meaning of his own words as he says them.

“You don’t know how many nights I spent dreaming about the day I could finally quit my job and just ask you to be mine already. So many nights wishing that all of these viruses would just go away so I could finally take you out to dinner and treat you the way you always deserved. I just wish you would have let me tell you that instead of making choice for me. I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts. Surely you must know that… right?” I pull him in by his jacket, and I kiss him. I kiss him like there’s no tomorrow and he kisses back just as passionately, his arms wrapped rightly around my waist pulling me and closely as possible and it still wasn’t enough. For what feels like an eternity we stand there, drenched and yet it doesn’t bother us, and it isn’t until our lungs beg for air that we finally pull apart. He picks me up bridal style and runs to the passenger side of his car putting me inside, takes off his wool jacket and lays it on me gently before running back to the driver seat and driving to my house. “How- that’s a stupid question it'd be stranger if you didn’t know my address.” He chuckles, but that doesn’t answer my second question, “If you have something to say then say it, I don’t want you keeping any questions from me ever again.” He looks at me, frowning. “How many times did you have to look at my address to memorize the path from the bar to it?” “Too many, honey.” That’s all I wanted, a sweet nickname that I know only I’ll hear. While he drives he puts his hand on my thigh, and it feels so unbelievable right.

When we arrive he runs back over to my door to open it and extends his hand for me to hold, I run to the door and unlock it running inside for shelter as the rain falls in bigger drops, “I’m going to go shower really quickly, make yourself at home.” “Can I join you?” his hand still on mine “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, I’ll be out in a second I promise.” I kiss his forehead, and run to the restroom to shower before I catch a cold. When I get out of the shower I shiver, only wearing a towel, he’s in my room, standing by the fireplace that is now ablaze while he looks at the pictures and trinkets I have on it. “I left some hot water for you, better run and shower before I go back in.” He doesn’t answer, he just motions for me to come closer and when I do he holds my waist with one hand, the other holds out a framed picture of the both us selfie, it was taken on my 21st birthday, we were in a booth in a bar, jeez why are we always at bars? “I have this exact same picture framed on my nightstand. We’ll make it. I promise.” He kisses my forehead, his hair still damp and cold from the rain, after a few seconds he pulls away and goes to shower. Should I bring some wine? What about lingerie? Too much? Yeah, too much. I just want to make it up to him. Candles! Music! Is Jeff buckley too much heartbreak? Chris Isaak? Nine Inch Nails? Too kinky for our first romantic time. Alannah Myles? Yes. Black velvet comes on first too?! Perfect.

As if on cue Leon comes out of the bathroom with a towel covering his lower half, I just can’t help it and I run into his arms pulling him in to a kiss once again, he must’ve been feeling the same way because his hands immediately land on my hips and he pulls me flush against his chest, my hands on his hair. He picks me up bridal style and carefully throws me onto the bed, climbing on top of me, his hands roaming any bare skin I have, his kisses growing sloppy and eventually moving down my neck occasionally nipping and leaving his mark, kissing back up my jaw and nibbling right below my ear, the sound of his heavy breathing makes me rub my thighs and he instantly notices, pulling them apart and throwing the towels which hung loosely around us onto the floor. It was like he was analyzing which part he should go after first. His kisses go between the valley of my breasts, and he carefully pinches both nipples at the same time, his tongue leaving a trail as it goes lower and lower, “Leon, please,” My voice barely above a whisper, “I wanna be yours… I’m going to make you mine.” His lips right above my clit the vibration still going through. And he kisses it, slowly at first, his fingers never leaving my nipples, then he speeds up, instead of kissing it he’s just flicking it with his tongue, running circles on it, sucking, and blowing on it afterwards. My moans grow louder, it’s too much, his touch is too much, and it’s about to be more. “So many nights I dreamt about this.” And without a warning one of his fingers goes into me, as he curls and moves it in and out, adding a second one and doing scissor motions, his lips now repeating the same actions from before but now on your nipples constantly switching between them. “Leon it’s too much- I-“ “Cum on my fingers.” I don’t need to be told twice and he just speeds up his ministrations as my legs shake.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good tonight baby, you’re never going to be the same.” I moan and twist his hair between my fingers. After I’m done he pulls out his fingers and licks them clean, “God how I’ve missed your taste.” And before I know it he’s between my thighs again like a starved man, curling his tongue inside and his hands massage my hips keeping them from bucking, his nose rubbing against my clit every once a while and his tongue runs over my walls like he can’t get enough, “Leon don’t stop please- you- you- feel so-“ My legs shaking again, thighs crushing his head and he groans, the vibrations going through my entire body. And as I come down from my high he’s licking every last drop, “So pretty when you cum” without warning he’s shoving his dick in me, one of his hands holding my legs on his shoulders and the other holding my hips, angling them up getting in even deeper, setting a sharp and quick pace. I pull him in with my legs, his hands now pressing my thighs to my chest and his lips meet mine for a messy kiss, both moaning into each other’s mouth the new angle has both of us seeing stars and I involuntary clench around him every once in a while making his knees buck, “Fuck, keep doing that and I won’t last.” “I don’t want you to last.” I scratch my nails on his back and his scalp, and he moans in my ear. “You sound so pretty when you moan.” And he blushes hiding his face in my neck, groaning and moaning. “I- I’m close- Leon-“ “Cum for me.” And I snap, my walls gripping him tighter than he could imagine, and he cums as well, his knees bucking and his body shivers on mine. His hands bruising my hips but I couldn’t care any less. After a few more seconds of him pistoning in and out he finally falters, and he lies on top of me for a while, now it’s just our heavy breathing and the long-forgotten CD still playing in the background. As he pulls out he lays his head on my chest and covers us both, I softly run my fingers along his hair, his own fingers drawing shapes on my skin. “I love you.” We both spoke simultaneously, “Jinx” “That’s not fair.” He jokingly frowns, “Nuh uh, can’t speak, I said jinx.” After some silence I speak up again. “Do you remember when we first met?” He just remains silent, “I know you’re awake.” “You said I couldn’t speak.” “Fine.” “Leon,” Saying his name slowly, a kiss on his forehead, “Leon,” repeating it even slower, a kiss on his nose, “Leon.” Barely above a whisper, a kiss on his lips, “I think about that night every day.” He replies. “Do you remember?” “Crystal clear.” The memories flooding back to me.

We met in a bar a day before the incident, a town outside of Raccoon City, I walked in “Can I get whiskey on rocks?” I ordered, and a voice came from next to me “Are you even old enough to drink?” The man was unbelievably good looking, but obviously out of it. “Excuse me? I fail to see how that’s any of your business.” “I’m a cop. It is my business.” He flashes his badge, “A drunk one. You’re no better than I am.” He chuckles “You didn’t answer my initial question.” “I did you just didn’t like my response.” “I could take you to jail right now.” “In that condition? You’d probably crash before we even got in the city.” “I can drive just fine.” “You sure? Because by the look of your dilated pupils, you’re either drunk or in love.” “Or?” he smirks, “As if.” The bartender is way too tired to pay attention to either and simply passes you the drink, you hand him cash, “You’re not even going to ID her? And they say we’re the corrupted ones.” “Listen here, if you’re just going to come in and talk shit with our customers then feel free to make your way out.” The bartender responds, of course, he’d have your back, you’ve been a regular for months. “Fine. I guess I will.” He stands up immediately feeling dizzy as he slightly stumbles out of the bar, I follow behind him I can’t afford such a handsome guy getting himself killed on the road. “Let me drive. You’ve obviously had too many and I’m sober.” “After that whiskey?” “Believe it or not some of us actually have a tolerance to alcohol. I didn’t finish it anyway.” He sighs outside his car, taking a moment to think, he puts his hand on his head and hands me the keys walking over to the passenger side.

“Where to?” “Any hotel nearby.” “Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your house?” “Don’t have one.” It’s dark out and the road is empty other than the occasional gas station, “So… what brings you out here anyhow?” “To the bar or to the city?” “Both” “Mainly work, I’m starting my first day as a cop tomorrow in Raccoon City.” “Wow, I could’ve been your first arrest, lucky you.” “So you admit you’re underage” “I’m 20 alright lay off it, say you don’t look old enough to drink either.” “That’s because I’m 21.” “Aha! You’re no better than I am.” “At least I waited.” “First of all I call bullshit, and second of all getting wasted isn’t exactly waiting. You drank tonight more than I’ve drank in these past months. What about the bar? A celebration for your new job?” “My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, needed a drink to forget. What about you? Do you go there often?” “I’m sorry to hear about your ex. Well, college is hard and family doesn’t make it easier so we all cope in some way or another.” “Ah family, I can relate to that.” “They didn’t want you to be a cop?” “They’re dead now but I’m sure they wouldn’t be proud. They were wrapped up in crime more often than not, a cop helped me out that night though, and helped me get into an orphanage.” “That’s sweet” he smiles, god he’s cute. “What are you studying in college?” “Mortuary science.” “Isn’t that just lovely.” I laugh and he looks at me with these huge puppy eyes. “Don’t think I’ve seen you smile this whole time, you’re pretty cute when you smile.” “Only when I smile? Good golly.” He laughs again, “Didn’t even deny it.” I whisper under my breath as I shake my head, “You’re always cute, you’re just too sassy for me to see it.” I just blush and keep quiet for the rest of the ride, turning on the radio to play some jazz quietly in the background as the rain starts pattering down the windshield. At one point he simply passes out, man is he adorable when he sleeps, his eyelashes are so thick, and his faint freckles are scattered around his cheeks and neck, man his ex must’ve been blind and deaf, don’t know how she could just give up on this cutie. As I see a nearby motel I notice the gas tank is close to empty and I park at the motel. “Excuse me how close is the nearest gas station?” “About 4 miles up north, but I wouldn’t recommend walking out there this late, with the heavy rain and the recent murders in the city it is too dangerous to be out.” “I’ll book two rooms then,” As I finish up paying I walk back out to the car to get the stranger, recent murders huh? What if he’s the killer? Nah he’s too sweet for that. He could be acting… I’m sure it’s fine. “Are you awake? I got you a room, seems we’ll have to be neighbors for the night since this car isn’t going anywhere.” No answer. Guess I’ll have to carry him, man he feels like a steel wall, god, I’m going to be sore tomorrow. After carrying him to his room and push him onto his bed his hand grabs onto mine, and he pull me onto the bed with him wrapping his arms around me, whispering a name, still very much asleep. After a while I manage to get his arm off of me and to my room as quietly as possible knocking out on my bed.

In the morning I wake up to the sound of the sound of knocking on the door, as I peek out I see the lady from last night, her husband is offering to drive me to the gas station and I quickly agree and get in his truck. The drive to was quiet filled with occasional small talk, on the ride back however, he stared asking more personal questions, putting his hand on my shoulder every once in a while. When he parked he kept the doors locked looking over at me as if he’d seen his first meal, “If you’d like, I can help you fill up” his tone lower and he leaned towards me, “No thank you, I’m running a bit late could you-“ “Listen princess, my wife is probably taking a nap right now and I think it’d be in both of our interest if we had a little fun.” I quickly move my hand and unlock the doors, but he grabs my wrist tightly before I can open it. “Let me go! My friend is a cop and he will arrest you!” He chuckles and my god it is the most disgusting sound I’ve ever heard. Oh yeah? Where’s this friend of yours at?” “Right here.” A familiar voice responds from behind the man as his door swings open and he gets pulled out of his seat, and before the man could even fully raise his fist he gets punched in the nose, falling back unconscious. Seriously badass. He quickly runs around to my side and opens the door, holding his hand out for me to take and I gladly do so. “Thank you.” I pull him into a hug and he reciprocates the action, after pulling away he holds his hand out “I’m Leon Kennedy, sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier.” I introduce myself and shake his hand. After filling up the tank we drove back to the bar, the same place I’d left my car the night before.

We stop at a diner to eat lunch, his treat of course since he turned out to be a gentleman, lending me his jacket when it got cold outside and walking me to my car as we said our goodbyes, both knowing we didn’t want to go our separate ways. I give him my phone number and he does the same, and with that I’m in my car alone, and he’s in his equally alone. It wasn’t until I got half way back home that I realized he’d forgotten his jacket, and I would’ve kept it if it didn’t contain his badge along with other belongings. Thankfully I knew he’d most likely be heading to the police station over at Raccoon City so that’s where I’d be going for the rest of the day, I didn’t have anything planned anyways so it’d be a fun roadtrip. By the time I was only half an hour out of the city it was already dark and I needed fuel stopping at a gas station which coincidentally had Leon’s car parked right outside it. I got out ready to surprise him when out of no where a bloodied woman came to my window banging her head against it, not knowing whether to help her or seek Leon inside the dark gas station I climb over the passenger seat and run towards the building turning back to see a swarm of them hurling towards me. As I turn an isle I walk into Leons back, he quickly turns pointing the gun right at my forehead, “DON’T SHOOT! IT’S ME!” He doesn’t even respond he just grabs my hand and leads me out to the nearby police cruiser which was luckily on. I get into the passenger seat and he gets into the drivers, quickly stepping on the gas pedal. After we were seemingly in the clear he speaks up “What were you doing there?” Not angry but obviously shaken by the experience, “You forgot your jacket, I was going to drive to RPD and leave it there but I spotted your car at the gas station.” He looks down at me, noticing the jacket still on me, “Oh, thank you.” I take it off and hold onto it for the rest of the ride, we were both quiet, trying to process what we’d just seen. Eventually stopping outside of another diner within the city. From then on it’s all just history. 

3 Years later (2008)

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer I do."

“I do.”

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer I do."

“I do”

“You may now kiss the bride” 

And with a searing kiss, we begin a new chapter in our lives.

AN: I pulled an all-nighter so please like and reblog 👏🏻😭

[guillotinna]

Intelligence analyst! Reader

No romance sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Baddie! Reader too bc these men r too comfortable 💅🏻

Imagine intelligence analyst! Reader who worked with Laswell in the past getting called in to look over some Intel. You owe Kate a favor so you couldn't really say no, she wasn't asking. You show up on base with your stupid government clearance, crisp work shirt and bad attitude. Hours turn into days which turn into 2 weeks. 14 days you've been stuck on the stifling base surrounded by brutes. You missed the basic luxuries you took for granted. The dull government building you once dreaded walking into each day looked like Eden compared to wherever the hell you were. And the task force....they were nice enough. Capable, helpful, a little odd but you've been around weirder in your line of work. What annoyed you was how they talked down to you, so clearly underestimating you. Sure you were fairly young compared to your counterparts, maybe your government-issued phone was covered in stickers and maybe there wasn't an ounce of muscle on you but Kate called you here for a reason, that should be proof enough. But no. Your days are filled with "are you sure?", "how do you know?", "who told you that?". Some of it was the team double checking your info, nothing inherently annoying, but the rest of it was rooted in their lack of faith in your skills. What would you have to do to get them to trust you?

Cut to 5 AM on a random weekend. You find yourself awake and unable to fall back asleep, so you head to the gym to stretch out your stiff bones. Being on a military base means constantly being surrounded by a lot of people which is why you've never been to the gym before but you figured the one time it might be empty is ass-crack o'clock on a Saturday. You were right! Plenty of quiet, serene minutes pass as you loosen your tension with yoga enjoying the peace. Until, 3 of the 4 men acting as the biggest pains in your ass clamor into the room, breaking the silence. They notice you quickly being the only people in the facility and of course they make their way right to you. As you get into downward dog, you hear in a thick scottish accent. "Wow, can't say the gym sees a lot of yoga. When was the last time you had a proper workout? " Tired of being spoken down to and slightly delirious from lack of sleep, you blurt out "probably when I fucked your dad".....oops. instead of hearing the shouts of anger you expected, you hear Gaz bark out a laugh and look up to see Soap's mouth agape in indignation. "She got you good mate, my god". Happy to not be screamed at this early in the morning, you glance and the scary lieutenant only to see a small wrinkle where his mouth sits under the mask indicating a smile. "Jesus christ Lass, you've got quite the mouth on you". Oh, he made it so easy. "That's funny, your dad said that too". In return, you get more laughter from Gaz and loud groan of disgust from Soap and he finally walks away. After a clap on the shoulder from the remaining Sargent and a brief "see you later", all parties continued with their respective activities.

Later in the afternoon, when the 141, Laswell and yourself all reconvened, a large part of you was expecting to get torn a new one for disrespecting an officer but instead, as you walked into the room you heard Gaz recounting the conversation to Capt. Price. "-and she was quick with it too captain. A proper shock if I do say so myself. " The chuckle you heard in response told you it was safe to enter the room. Sort of. "I heard you were bullying my Sargent earlier." Uh oh. No sir, just some banter, that's all you swear. "I wouldn't call it bullying. That doesn't sound quite like me." You mustered just as Kate walked in. "Dont lie y/n, I'd be surprised if I didn't hear about your attitude. Now leave these children alone and start working. You're onto something here. " You send a glance to the pouting scottsman only to watch his stick his nose up at you. Children was right. "Yes Ma'am". The conversation in the gym created a positive shift between you and the team. Maybe it humanized you, or maybe they just needed a laugh. Whatever it was, the doubt they shared over your skills eased significantly, allowing you to make more progress than you had before. It wasn't long before you got the hit you've all been searching for.

[wishluc]

hello! i love your writings so <3 the way you beautifully set up each prose is something worth applauding for!! since requests are open, i’ll bite ^^:

how about yan!heizou and blackmail?everyone knows he’s one of the best detectives inazuma has to offer, a bringer of justice. but what no one knows aside from you and heizou is that you’ve witnessed him murder a man you’ve taken a liking to. you try to expose him, but he threatens. one thing for sure is, how far he’s willing to go for you. if you were to ever expose him, he promises to pin the blame on you and frame you as the murderer. he’s willing to do anything to keep you hush hush and to keep you by his side.

waaahhh thank you :((

✧ CW: yandere character, manipulation, murder, blackmail

It was painfully easy to trust Shikanoin Heizou.

But if only you had heard more about him beforehand, you'd have known that he always acted in his own interest before anything else. There was no obstacle, no riveting case, or fear of consequence that would stop him from pursuing his own goals.

This was exactly why you shouldn't have believed a word that he said when he assured you that your correspondence with him was only for professional reasons. Information, he told you then, that will help in solving cases. In retrospect, the way his lips wavered while trying to keep his expression stern, at the very least, should have it gave it all way. That, and the fact that the detective had never pretended to look serious. (Even if you had pointed it out then, you supposed the only reaction you'd have gotten would be him crowing in delight, "So you noticed all these things about me? I'm flattered, partner—really!'")

You had ignored the glaringly obvious truth in favor of blindly trusting the fascinating figure, much too captivated by his self-assured air and his ardent desire to observe everything about you and your humble abode. You were charmed by him, by the idea that such an important individual would have made the long journey down here to see your modest town when no other government official bothered to even glance this way. And when he spins an elaborate, irresistible web of lies to you and everyone else in a courteous manner, his voice far too composed for the way his eyes brightened with newfound interest, that the Commission was trying to help smaller towns and villages now, that he was here to stay and solve all the cases that had gone unnoticed before his arrival, the smug smirk that appeared at the end was a subtle warning that you all had fallen head first into his trap.

It didn't strike you as odd when he approached you either, asking if you could help him out while he was staying.

"If you'd do me the honor of working as my temporary assistant during my stay," he had said, voice earnest and tinged with anticipation, "I'd really appreciate it."

There were more lies that followed, of course, that silvery voice promising you that you only needed to provide him with information and that you'd hardly be needed for more than a few hours, at most, but you paid them no attention. It was unnecessary since your reply had practically jumped out of your mouth, much to his amusement. Shikanoin Heizou had already won you over with that ever-affable smile and outgoing nature.

Once he actually started working, only high praises were sung about the young detective from the city. Files and files containing cold cases about missing children and stolen goods diminish at an extraordinary rate as Heizou scours through them all with a charming smile. You had no complaints either. Heizou treated you well; he was never curt with you, even if his words lingered on the edge of being condescending at times when he explained how obvious a criminal was being, he didn't throw all his workload onto your inexperienced hands, though he did insist you stay with him all throughout the night when he was working—not to do work, but to keep him company. You were a little confused about why he was staying when he had already solved his cases for the day, simply scribbling down into a book in between indecipherable looks thrown at you.

There were times you felt uneasy, like when the ghost of his touches felt more solid, and the usual brush against your back turned into a firm arm around your shoulder or a hand pressing into the small of your back, and his usual polite words turned more playful, more familiar than you'd have liked. Or when he insisted there was enough time for you to take a break and ushered you to a bustling restaurant, taking bites from your meal and offering you some of his, all while ignoring your questions about the cases he was supposed to be working on that day. Over time, you chalked it up to his personality, much like the times when he'd see you dressed up in a new outfit and point it out with a teasing grin ("Oh my, getting all dolled up for me?") or when he'd randomly make inferences about your relationships with others, by observing how long your conversation continued and listening to the tone of your voice, later confirming all his suspicions with you. It was a little off-putting, but perhaps all geniuses were eccentric in that way.

But there was no excusing the sight in front of you now.

Realization dawns upon you as any words you had turned to sludge at the back of your throat. You tried to find a reason, but as your eyes scanned the brutal scene it was clear to you that your fears had been confirmed. There was no other explanation for why Heizou was crouched over a still, unmoving body, or for the bruises littering his victim's skin. The ebbing glow of the vision at his side, the beads of sweat on his skin, and the final breeze that fluttered past...you didn't want to believe that he was capable of such sheer malice, but how could you deny the obvious?

"What brings you here?" a cold wave of fear envelopes you at his casual tone, accompanied by the impish smile that follows when he says your name, "Oh, was I missing for too long? Were you worried about me?"

"Detective, this is..."

"Now, how long have we known each other already? You can just call me Heizou," his eyes flit over to where yours are glued to, "Hm, this? Oh, it's such a pity, I know! But he was starting to get on my nerves a little, with all the cozying up he was trying to do with you."

It clicks after his words, why there was something familiar about the lifeless figure collapsed on the ground. Someone who had, just a few days ago, been trying to start a conversation with you while you were following Heizou around; but you remembered Heizou tugging you away while you were trying to think of a reply, with a callous reply in your stead, and you remember the startling fierceness gleaming in his eyes. You'd have never imagined that his anger went this far.

"So you killed him?"

Heizou blinks at you slowly, before chuckling as he stands up from his crouched position, "Well, what else was I to do? Hmm, something's telling me that you're about to go running...I wouldn't recommend that, partner."

Before you can even take a step, a strong gust of wind knocks you over onto your back. Heizou looms over you, a dark storm stirring in his previously bright eyes.

"You'll tell everyone that I killed someone, and drag them over to see the body. But nobody will believe that, will they? The Tenryou Commission's most prized detective coming to this little place to murder a random passerby? Come on, partner, I was hoping you learned a thing or two about a convincing case from me by now."

You gasp out, the shock from the impact yet to wear out, and Heizou laughs sharply at your helpless state.

"It's alright. There'll be plenty of time for you to learn after. I'll even tell you how I'll go about refuting your claims," Heizou leaned even closer to you, "Let's see, it would be terribly suspicious if there were someone messing with my files, you know? Only someone that works closely with me would be able to do that, and they'd know how much progress I was making here. It must have upset them, I'd say, they must have wanted to scare me off. Oh, and if I happened to find evidence of a murder weapon lying around...well, it would be a closed case, don't you think?"

You exhale sharply, feeling as though the world was closing in—or maybe, it was just Heizou's presence that was starting to feel heavy, "you wouldn't—"

Heizou smiles, but it's devoid of any previous warmth, "I could—isn't that all that matters? I've never asked for an assistant, I've never needed one—the Commission can tell you this—but you came and begged and pleaded with me, so I agreed to take you under my wing. You paid back my kindness by betraying me—really, how cruel. And when you've been named a murderer, there'll be no place to run either. You'll just have to sit nice and still in my house, hmm?"

It was just like him to have it all figured out. He had been stringing you along all this while, with his honey-coated lies and well-mannered facade, and you had followed him without a single doubt.

"I'm looking forward to many more days of being together, partner."

When it's your word against the prodigy detective of the Tenryou Commission, whoever will believe you?

all works © wishluc. do not copy, steal or repost my works on other platforms. (including translations)

[uh-velkommen]

Scandinavian Things to Watch

Somebody asked me for some recommendations in regards to Swedish and/or Norwegian T.V. shows so I figured I'd scour the internet for every show and movie I've ever seen and compile a list.

Now I will note that half of these I wouldn't really recommend. A thing about Norwegian shows, you'll always end up in one of these genres: Crime-Drama, A show about an awkward person or immigrant family navigating Norwegian culture, or an uneventful slice of life adult/family show and somehow, more often than not, some environmentalism plot line is threaded throughout each genre. I'm very used to fast paced dramas featuring teens so Norwegian series are quite the opposite. This is me admitting that I think most Norwegian shows and movies are so slow and boring. Also I hate Crime-Dramas. With that being said, I do try to get through the first couple of episodes/minutes and can recognize when a show is potentially good but if it requires my full attention to keep up, I'm not finishing it. I can't say if this crosses over into Swedish shows and I'm only just starting to get into Danish shows. Some of these are still on my To Be Seen and I definitely forgot to list others but it's been years since I've seen them so...🤷🏽‍♀️

Where To Watch: Most of these are on Netflix. Some were and are now gone, others have been added once I moved to Sweden. Some are on NRK which I used mostly when I was in Norway. You could get by with a VPN but NRK knows when you're using one and you'll have to restart it every two episodes. Viaplay is a Nordic streaming service that's only like 5 bucks a month, accessible anywhere but again, the selection varies depending on location.

Norwegian Movies:

Blasted (Netflix) TBS - Comedy, Two dudes fight aliens

Royalteen (Netflix) Drama, An average girl gets a prince to fall in love with her. In Royalteen 2, we follow the prince's sister who's working through personal issues.

Thelma (Netflix, Viaplay) TBS GAY - Horror, Something about romance and magic powers?

The Man Who Loved Yngve (Idk) TBS GAY - Drama, Romance

Norwegian Dream (Idk) TBS GAY - Coming of Age, Drama

The Trip (Netflix) TBS - Comedy, An old couple fights to see who can kill each other first instead of just getting a divorce

Troll (Netflix) - Drama, Action? A government team and Archeologist(?) try to stop an old troll from destroying the town

Troll Hunter (Netflix) - "Found Footage" People chase a troll idk

The Wave (Netflix) - Action Drama, People run from a massive wave

Battle (Netflix) - Drama, Featuring Lisa Teige who played Eva in Skam as a ballet dancer battling for the top spot I think, I never finished it.

Disco (NRK) - Drama, Which features Noora's(Skam) actress Josephine Frida Pettersen as a dancer juggling religion and passion.

Det Norske Hus (Netflix) - Comedy, A man crosses the boarder to attend a school that will teach him how to be Norwegian

The Lion Woman (Used to be on Netflix) - Whimsical Drama, A man protects a young hairy girl from being the town freak

The Affair (Viaplay) - Dark Drama, featuring Tarjei Sandvik Moe or Isak from Skam, A student gets dirty with a teacher and then stalks the teacher

Kitchen Stories (Idk) - Comedy? I had to watch this for school. I found it boring but Norwegian people like it. An Anthropologist(?) watches over a Norwegian man to study how Norwegians use kitchens

Norwegian Shows:

SKAM GAY for a season- Come on, you can't be on Tumblr and NOT know this show. This listing includes EVERY remake. Especially the American one (it's on NRK you nords) Every non-American only hates it because our culture is so different from Europe's, its giving xenophobia. Find the shows yourself, it's a rite of passage.

Ligga (Discovery+) TBS GAY- Comedy, featuring Ulrikke Falch, Vilde from Skam, A girl gets dumped and discovers casual sex. To be seen because I think it's only on Discovery Plus in Norway.

Ragnorok (Netflix) GAY for like 2 minutes - Mythology, featuring sexy babes from Skam Magnus, P. Cris, and my gf Sonja. The story of Thor versus the Giants. Fun Fact I actually don't care about this show, mainly this genre of show, but I challenged myself to watch it entirely in Norwegian without subtitles since season one and it's done so I win.

Post Mortem: No One Dies in Skarnes (Netflix) TBS - Dark Comedy, Funeral directors get up to some morally corrupt shenanigans. I got half way through the first episode and gave up.

Øyevitne TBS (Eyewitness U.S. version on the USA Network) GAY- Crime Thriller, I haven't seen the original yet bc I can't find it anywhere. Also I said I didn't like this genre but the Scandis do know how to make 'em. Two boys witness a murder that could solve a massive crime ring but are too scared to come forward bc they don't wanna be outed as ~lovers~ The acting in the American version is a little rough but don't let that stop you! This is the only English speaking show on this list.

Ida Tar Ansvar (Viaplay) - Ironic Comedy? A girl who is just terrified of the real world befriends an Incel in hopes of changing him/saving women. The main actress is also in Royalteen and the main actor is actually Kasper from Skam!

Lillyhammer (Used to be on Netflix) - Crime Comedy, An old American gangster moves to a small part of Lillehammer, Norway to hide and life ensues. This was actually the first Norwegian series I watched post-Skam. There's speaking parts in both Norwegian and English but it's an American show. I still recommend it.

Norsemen (Netflix) - Mockumentary, It kind of feels like a Viking Version of The Office. I've seen a few episodes but the humor is very Norwegian and it didn't stick for me.

Beforeigners (Amazon Prime Video) - Drama, Time travelers from the Viking/Stone Age era end up in Modern day Norway. We follow a Detective Traveler Woman solve crimes. I never finished it bc I forgot it existed lol.

Exit (Viaplay, NRK) - Drama, We follow as a bunch of rich people be absolutely terrible human beings. Tbh, I only got to like episode 3, they're just too long.

The Architect (Viaplay) TBS - Drama, I couldn't tell you shit about this show. I got through the first episode and had no idea what was going on but it's filmed very stylistically and I can see it being enjoyable for someone out there.

Delete Me (Viaplay) TBS - Dark Drama, A sex tape gets out and causes problems for many students at this school. I haven't seen it yet bc the plot doesn't interest me but someone else highly recommended it.

Lik Meg (NRK) - Teen Drama, Two girls' friendship gets tested when they enter the 7th grade. I tried watching this when I was in Norway to fill the Skam void but it's definitely geared towards younger audiences so I didn't get far.

19 (NRK) - Same as above, Each season follows a character of a different age so the title of the show changes too I think. I don't know, here's the Wiki. This show focuses on third culture kids.

Skitten Snø (NRK) TBS - Dark Drama, again featuring our child Tarjei Sandvik Moe as he struggles with friendship but in a creepy way? It's hard to find a good description of this one.

Peppa Gris (NRK) - I literally just watched Peppa Pig in Norwegian for language learning purposes. That, Shrek(DVD), Frozen(Illegally) and also Vivo(Netflix).

Klassen (NRK) - Teen Drama, again really geared towards younger audiences. It's a very Disney-like show. I never finished it.

Pørni [or Pernille] (NRK, Netflix, Viaplay) GAY for like 2 minutes - Family Drama/Comedy following a social worker and mother navigating life after her sisters death, her father coming out, and her kids getting older. The characters are all genuinely funny in an endearing way to watch, and it shows genuine/sweet love between older people.

Swedish Movies: (I haven't seen these but they look good)

Black Crab (Netflix) TBS - Dark Drama, A solider has to cross a frozen sea with precious cargo to stop an apocalyptic war.

Låt Den Rätte Komma In (It's online free somewhere & on Swedish Netflix) TBS (Let Me In U.S. version) - Thriller, Something about a vampiric killer kid. I really like the American version so I wanna give the OG a shot.

A Man Called Ove (Netflix, Viaplay) TBS - Drama Comedy, A grumpy old man is mean to his neighbors after the death of his wife, he learns how to enjoy life again, I think.

JJ+E (Netflix) TBS - Teen Drama/Romance, A third culture boy and a Swedish girl fall in love. Will they make it?

Kyss Mig (Viaplay, Used to be on Netflix) TBS GAY - Drama, A young woman who is engaged begins an affair with her future stepmother's lesbian daughter (Can we consider that incest?).

Swedish Shows:

Sjukt (NRK) - Drama Comedy, Loosely based on the life of Young Royals Creator, Lisa Ambjörn. A young women finds a new lease on life after beating Ovarian Cancer. I enjoyed half of it but would rather finish it on a site that isn't NRK.

Young Royals (Netflix) - Teen Drama, beautiful amazing talented show stopping never been done before... A young prince gets sent to a boarding school to tighten up his act when jealousy causes things to fall apart all around him. Obviously recommend.

Gåsmamman (Amazon Prime Video) - Crime Drama, Featuring Young Royals star, Edvin Ryding, as one of the sons to a widowed mother caught up in a crime ring left by her husband. Turns out it goes deeper than what she was expecting. Brace yourself for this intense 6 season, 46 episode long show.

Kontoret (Swedish version of The Office) TBS - Exactly what it sounds like. I haven't bothered to look into it further but it could be fun to see the cultural differences and Swedish nuances.

Quicksand (Netflix) - Dark Drama, also a good one, After a school shooting we follow a girl who was somehow involved. As the plot unravels we find out exactly how. Features Felix Sandman if you're a fan of him.

One More Time (Netflix) TBS - Comedy, I literally just added this to my list. It's "17 Again" mixed with Disney's "16 Wishes."

Thunder in my Heart (Viaplay) TBS - Coming of Age/Family Drama. A lot of these Swedish shows on Viaplay don't have English subtitles so, dead end.

Älska mig (Viaplay) TBS - Drama/Romance, Familiar faces: Edvin Ryding of Young Royals/Gåsmamman! Little stories about people finding and navigating romance.

Ej Kjem (NRK) - Scandalous Drama, A show about a girl navigating life and SEXuality. I couldn't get far with it because it's only in Swedish with NYNORSK subtitles??

Clark (Netflix) TBS - Biography/Comedy? Bill Skarsgård! The unbelievable story of Clark Olofsson, the man who inspired the phrase "Stockholm Syndrome."

Danish Movies:

The Bombardment (Netflix) TBS - Wartime Drama, Based on true events, a WWII bomb hits a school in Copenhagen. (Also if you didn't know, there was A LOT happening with Sweden, Norway, and Denmark during WWII and so there are TONS of good Scandinavian movies set during then. I didn't list them because I'm just not that big a fan of the genre but the history's crazy.)

Danish Shows:

Seaside Hotel (Viaplay) GAY for like 2 seconds but idk if more happens I'm still watching - Drama, set some time in the 1920s. Various kooky guests check into this hotel every summer and life happens, drama unfolds. I was just starting to really get into it but for some reason Viaplay in Sweden doesn't have it 😡.

The Rain (Netflix) - Survival Drama, Toxic rain falls from the sky wiping out almost all humanity. One boy is the cure. Does he save and restore all humankind? I don't know I never finished it. This was when the survival genre was at an all time high. It's a good show but I just couldn't take it anymore.

Rita (Netflix) - Drama Comedy, Rita is an independent girl boss mother who has funny relationships with everyone around her. It's been years since I've seen it but it was pretty popular to the Danes.

Elves (Netflix) TBS - Horror Drama, It's evil elves at Christmas time. I haven't seen it yet but it doesn't look like it's gotten good reviews.

The Chestnut Man (Netflix) TBS - Crime Drama, A creepy chestnut toy links together murders and might be the answer to a politician's missing child.

One of the Boys (Viaplay) GAY - Coming of Age, short drama series. A boy gets sent on this "How to be a man" retreat and flips between changing himself to fit in and accepting his oddball self with this other outsider who is "totally not gay" but I literally don't believe that and it's total queer baiting but there's a kiss scene and it's such a short and easy watch that why not give a chance.

And finally: @notachair asked for this so here you go :)

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"Young mortal! I have accepted your offering for my dominion. Be wary, for much danger lies in this realm. All-oh, Mr. Darktide! It's you again."

Adam nodded, pointing his glowing ring towards the deity of dreams, Luna, formerly of Crystal Cove.

"Theo dragged me here once, so I thought that I'd return the favour," he explained. "This crystal ties us together. With your permission, I'd like to summon him to this realm and speak with him."

"An interesting request," Luna replied, looking amused. "I'm not usually in the service of star-crossed teens who need a place to meet. My purpose is to govern the realm I've been given, not guide young love."

"Please," Adam begged, trying to look as sad as he possibly could. "I've tried everything to find him, but the only safe thing connecting us seems to be your realm. Even with all the wards and protections of wherever he is, everyone has to sleep. It's biology, not magic. I've risked so much to be here and I gave an offering like the book said. I need to see Theo Bellamy, and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Such a Darktide," Luna mused. "Always barging in, demanding to be accommodated. I can see your ancestors in your eyes, like entitled phantoms raging in your blood. My father lost his heart to a Darktide, did you know that?"

Adam shook his head quickly. Luna was rambling on about people he'd never met, and he only had a limited amount of time in this realm. Life and Death seemed to know everyone's true names, so he was willing to bet that the deity of dreams did too and might respond better if he invoked them.

"No, I had no idea. I'm not my ancestors, though. I'm not my parents or my deranged uncle. My name is Adam Sebastian Casper Maricourt Darktide and I demand to see Theodosius Ulysses G Bellamy. Please."

"Alright," Luna teased. "Don't work yourself up about it. I was just sharing some of my vast experiences with you. It's lonely in a realm where everyone sleeps sometimes. Everything isn't always about you, you know."

Adam flushed with embarrassment. This was getting him nowhere and the last thing he wanted was to anger a deity. He didn't need that danger added to his already crazy life.

"Sorry, I didn't realize. It's just that...I haven't seen Theo in months now and this might be my only chance. Please, continue to tell me about your father and the Darktides. I will listen if you'll just let me see Theo."

Luna smiled softly.

"You have a good heart, Mr. Darktide," she said. "You're a bit inconsiderate, considering that you're asking me to help you, but your heart is good. I will open the gate to allow your crystal to call for your love, but be sure to tell him that he must also make an offering upon waking. The Old Ways must still be observed."

"The gate is now open," Luna announced. "I hope that your crystal is strong enough to summon him. Truly. The Ocean is often unfairly rough with your family. Until the next time you cross my path."

Adam's ring began to glow with a blinding light as the deity faded from his vision. It took enormous effort for it to search for the matching crystal in the vast realm of dreams, but Adam wasn't giving up. Not when he'd already come this far.

Pain radiated up his arm, which Adam found intriguing considering that he was asleep at the moment in another realm, likely perfectly fine. It was well within his control to deal with, though, after all he'd practiced.

Demonic magic swirled around Adam and he closed his eyes, trying to follow it back to its source. Following it back to Theo.

"What the hell is happening? Alys, if this is another one of your tough love lessons, I swear to god I'll-"

"Theo?"

The crystal on Theo's hand grew even brighter now that it was near its match. It was this reaction that convinced Adam that this was really Theo, that Luna hadn't tricked him.

"Adam, is that you?" Theo blinked and rubbed his eyes, sincerely hoping that this wasn't just an illusion his teachers were tricking him with.

"It's me," Adam confirmed, staring in awe at the culmination of his plans. Everyone had written off talking to Theo while he was gone, but Adam's plan had actually worked! "I've been trying to find you for months now."

"You have? I saw your spell with my ring. I haven't taken it off since."

"It was the only way to access wherever you are," Adam explained. "We're dreaming now. It was the only realm that wouldn't kill us to walk through."

His gaze dropped to the floor. It was overwhelming to see Theo again. So many emotions rushed to his mind, making it difficult to think straight.

His plan had worked. Theo was beside him. Doing magic still sometimes physically hurt. Theo was dangerous. He might always be dangerous in some way, but that smile still made Adam weak in the knees. It was all so much to process.

"Adam, I'm sorry," Theo began. "I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea how out of control I'd gotten. I'm doing better now, much better. I promise."

Even though seeing Theo again was everything Adam had been working towards for so long, part of him still held back, afraid to get hurt even more. He didn't want to feel like this. He should have processed all these feelings already and moved on and been fine.

"I know it was an accident," Adam replied quietly. "You would never mean to hurt me as badly as you did. And we should have listened to Evren about being careful about...well, you know."

"We don't have to do that again," Theo said quickly, equally embarrassed to be talking about how badly their experiments with sex had gone. "We can wait until we're older. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean...oh, I've gotten ahead of myself."

He paused and gave Adam a tearful look.

"I'm assuming that you want to keep dating me, I'm sorry. 'Being mindful of other people's feelings' is something that I apparently need to work on, according to most of my teachers. I don't blame you if you never want to see me again. I can see the way you're looking at me. As usual, I've completely misread this and you only came here to break up with me. I'm so stupid."

"Theo, I've had a lot of time to think about what happened and my feelings on it. I don't regret what we did. I could never regret it. I just...it's been really difficult without you. I didn't know how I felt about us or if I wanted us to be together or if I'd changed too much for us to be together at all." He paused, trying to put his feelings into words. "Something bad happened to me, Theo. Something I don't know how to fix."

"You're pregnant!" Theo gasped, making Adam roll his eyes.

"God, Theo, your parents really have made you paranoid. No one's pregnant. I...I just...I'm different."

Theo nodded sympathetically, still unsure if Adam truly wanted him to respond to that statement with facts or to just keep apologizing.

"It's called Toyonaga's Trap," he replied, hoping that he was making the correct choice. "What happened between us. It was a textbook presentation of it. A blood connection that ends in the destruction of the person while the demon funnels their power into themselves. It was named for the Lost Queens of Strangetown, two teens who made a blood deal for power and ended up erased from the universe when the deal collected them. I was so worried that you died because of me and they wouldn't let me even talk to you. I did everything I could to shield you from danger, but I still saw you when the paramedics took you away. I couldn't live with myself if i had caused your death. It would destroy me."

"Theo, I-"

Before Theo could even register what was happening, Adam wrapped his arms around the hybrid tightly, leaning in to brush his face near Theo's. It wasn't the same feeling as holding Theo in a physical realm, but it was better than nothing. He hugged Theo as tight as he could to reassure his boyfriend.

"I didn't die; you protected me. You've always protected me no matter what. It took me a while, but I've made my peace with what happened. I'm not right anymore, but I'm alive."

"There are a handful of people who survived Toyonaga's Trap and they all have different symptoms," Theo stated, like he was remembering the writing in his textbook. "Migraines, joint pain, and some other side effects."

"Well, file this under other," Adam said. "I'd say that I fit there."

"I can see that," Theo murmured, stroking the scar on Adam's face gently. "You don't know how sorry I am that this happened. This is on your actual body or just your projection here?"

"The scarring is permanent. My mom and dad tried everything they could to heal it, but they couldn't."

"Oh. So every morning you wake up to see the grisly reminder of my lack of control in the mirror. Shit, Adam, I'm so sorry. You must hate me."

"I could never hate you, Theo," Adam assured his boyfriend. "There were some dark times where I questioned if we were really right for each other, but I could never hate you."

He caught Theo's hand when it was lowered from caressing his face and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I don't blame you," Theo replied earnestly. "I've been thoroughly yelled at by just about every teacher here for triggering a major demonic incident with a partner. Believe me, they've all shouted at me at some point." His face brightened, remembering something important. "But, they do have some comprehensive sex ed classes here that I was strongly recommended. If we ever wanted to be together like that again, once I graduate out of this hell, I should be able to channel our connection properly. But only if you want to. Which you don't have to. I'd understand."

"I'm not sure I want to...be...intimate," Adam confessed, still squeezing Theo's hand reassuringly. "I...I almost died, Theo. I can't just pick up from where we used to be. You've been gone for months and I've tried to put everything behind me. I need to know that you won't let this happen again, and I'm sorry, but I can't trust that you can right now. I need time, probably a lot of time."

Theo tried his best not to look crushed, but he probably failed.

"So, you want to go back to being friends?" Theo asked quietly, avoiding looking at Adam directly. "You keep avoiding the topic. Are you still interested in being my boyfriend? Do you just not hate me, or do you love me?"

Adam smiled coyly.

"I like like you, Theo. According to your Aunt, that's all I should admit to a guy if his parents are broke."

"And even then," Theo agreed, a huge weight lifting from his chest at these words. "I like like you too. A lot."

"We'll figure this out," Adam promised. "Together. I just need to work through my feelings first." His voice began to waver despite the incredible efforts he was making to hide his discomfort. "It's-it's been really hard without you here. Without getting to talk this through with you. I almost died, Theo, and for what? Because my sister keeps flaunting her sex life, and it made us curious? I don't want to die for something as stupid as that."

"Hey. Come here."

Theo pulled his boyfriend to the ground and wrapped his arms around him, just as they did back home. Adam couldn't deny how much he'd missed laying in Theo's arms, watching the clouds move above them and hearing the beating of Theo's heart. This moment was perfect and exactly why he'd fought so hard to see Theo again. There were no expectations between them in this realm. Theo couldn't accidentally hurt him here, and that knowledge made Adam bolder than he would be in the waking realm. He held Theo tightly, trying to commit every detail to memory. It could be several more months of waiting for Theo to come home and even when he did, Adam still couldn't see himself being fully able to relax at Theo's touch.

"What are you learning?" Adam asked curiously. "Tell me about your school. What's life like in demon military school?"

What's your life like without me?

"Boring. I mostly talk to teachers and tutors, there's not really a huge class size here. I get bi-weekly passes out to this weird country that has a strong culty vibe. I met a guy at the movies and we talked a bit before my parole officers dragged me back to school."

Adam bristled at the mention of another guy with Theo at a movie theater, a timeless place for teen hookups. Theo seemed to just be rambling about the boringness of his life, which calmed Adam slightly. Theo was usually pretty easy to read when he wanted something or had a crush and Adam could see none of the telltale signs on Theo's face.

Adam beamed at his boyfriend as Theo continued rambling about the quality of the food at school. Adam felt jealous of this random boy. After feeling nothing for the last few months, he finally had a Theo related emotion, even if it was jealousy. He wanted Theo to himself, he could feel that feeling spread across his body, waking it up from its long depression. After months of being unsure of his feelings for Theo, the threat of another person being interested in him ignited Adam's heart.

"You've told people that you have a boyfriend, right?"

Theo shrugged.

"I'm supposed to say you're a girl," he scoffed. "This place is weird and homophobic and I can't even mention my dads. There's something wrong with this place. Everything here is so weird."

"Oh, should I be thinking up a girl version of Adam?" the warlock teased. "Adama? Admina?"

"I just said that I was dating Remy Darktide. It's close enough and they can check and see that I'm not making her up."

Adam scowled at the thought of people thinking Theo was dating Remy. If she ever found out, she would never let that go.

"Don't tell Remy that," he pleaded.

"I've met Remy before, Adam, I know how she is. I think I can keep a secret from her."

Adam squeezed Theo tightly, hoping that this moment would last forever. It wouldn't. There were limitations on how long mortals could travel in other realms and Adam could already feel the pull back to the waking world begin.

"I don't think I'm allowed to repeat this visit to see you," Adam sighed. "It was hard enough getting here this time."

"I miss you. I don't want to leave," Theo insisted. "I don't know when I'll see you again." The demon hybrid pouted, wrapping himself around Adam tighter. "Stay with me."

"I can't. I physically can't. It's not how the world works. People would start entering people's dreams whenever they wanted to, and the balance of the realms would warp. Have you figured out where you're living? Maybe I could send you a postcard."

"No, but it's somewhere strange. I don't know if it is part of the universe or just tacked on or whatever in the grand scheme of things. Only women are able to get pregnant here and they treat demons like they did back in the Demon Wars. No wonder it's so hard for people to get into this school. It's a nightmare." He paused for a moment. "Well, the stuff I'm working on is even more advanced than our class work at the academy. When I do get to go back there, I'll pass every magical exam they throw at me."

"Do they ever say how you're doing?" Adam asked hopefully. "You're leaving soon, right?"

Theo shook his head sadly.

"They keep talking about what to do with the curse I was born with. I can't cast much magic as long as it's there, festering inside me, but it's still a part of me. There's some ritual I have to prepare for and a ceremony before I can leave here. They've forced me to have several incidents back to back, and I'm getting better at controlling them. I just need the curse to either disappear entirely or re-absorb into a more controllable part of my magical essence. But they think that eliminating the curse entirely will have 'dangerous repercussions' for me, so I'm hoping that the re-absorb option is the one that works."

"Will there be any impact on me? We're connected loosely, so it's possible that I could have something impact my magic too." Adam paused. "The scar isn't the only new thing to happen to me, Theo. I can sense the Void now and open portals to it. Maybe even a little more; I've been afraid to experiment with it."

"What?!"

Theo listened with concern as Adam detailed his new abilities. A non-demonic warlock able to display mild demonic abilities? His teachers would have a fit when he asked whether Adam's new abilities impacted his studies. But still...this development gave Theo an idea.

"So neither of us can be in the Void for long periods of time, right? There's no harm that can happen just by opening a rift. You and I can both open rifts and portals now, so we can pass messages through it if we want. Think about it! We could write a message and leave it in a portal in one of the top layers of the Void where there's not much danger. The Void is connected to both of our locations, even wherever the hell I am. My teachers can open a portal to home, so it's possible."

"We could use a crystal to help pierce through the Void, so our portals have more strength," Adam agreed, thinking about what he knew of magical theory. "If you and I use the crystal in our rings at the same time to access the same area in the Void, we might have enough combined strength to pull it off. It wouldn't be powerful enough to let a person through, but a note? I could see that working."

"We could be penpals! Just...don't write anything dirty just in case another demon comes across it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Clearly after months of isolation, Theo's mind had remained in the gutter. Adam was a teenage boy with raging hormones, sure, but every time he thought of those stolen moments wrapped up in Theo's bedsheets, fear washed over him, drowning his desires completely. Theo wasn't safe outside of a dream. Adam had nearly died. He could die any time at any moment if Theo slipped and lost control. The mere memory of the pain of demonic magic tearing him slowly apart still made him bolt awake at night. His brush with death had been devastating, and Theo's magic cult school had a clean, clinical name for what had happened. It was even textbook apparently.

It was nice to be held by Theo and it was nice to pretend that nothing between them had changed. It was nice, but it wasn't true.

"Okay, here's what we'll need. Probably at least one locked box, preferably silver if we can get our hands on it. Definitely write in pen, just in case pencil is too weak to read. Oh! Do you think we'd need notebooks or would a single piece of paper be more effective? No, definitely go with the notebooks. You'll have to get all of this though, sorry. I can't exactly run to the store here."

Adam held Theo as he rambled on about how they'd pull off the Great Penpal Trick, trying to nod when appropriate.

"Theo? I think we're out of time," he announced, watching his hand and arm begin to fade on Theo's chest. "I'm waking up."

"Don't forget about the holy water. That will keep demons out of our letters."

"Theo, you're a demon and I'm a mess of demonic magic, we would probably only hurt ourselves with that. Besides, what demon wants to read about your boring school or my insane family? They have better things to do."

Theo pouted at this dose of reality. He'd spent so long thinking of what he'd say to Adam and longing to hold Adam and staring at the occasionally glowing ring he'd gotten from Adam, that he'd forgotten that he and Adam had spent so much time apart, and they were no longer in sync with each other.

"I'll wait for you to put the box in the agreed upon spot then. It won’t be too much longer that I'm here...I hope so anyway. Keep away from Simon down the hall. He has a massive crush on you and might try to hit on you while I'm gone."

Adam rolled his eyes at the very idea of running off with the guy Remy chose for him after he'd spent all of this time trying to reach his boyfriend.

"Yeah, well, you make sure that movie theater boy keeps his hands off you," he countered.

"Brion? I'm sure his weird ass homophobic country would be okay with that. Absolutely."

Adam's entire right arm vanished as the dream realm began ejecting him from it.

"Theo, I-"

"Oh thank god! I was starting to worry about you. Did it work? Did you see Theo?"

Adam groaned, holding his throbbing head while he regained control of his senses. He was back just where he'd started this endeavor: at school, looking over the vast landscape of Lower Pleasantview.

"Yeah, it worked," he confirmed. "He was right there. I could even touch him. We weren't just apparitions without form."

"Oh, so it was that kind of dream? With touching?" Travis teased, earning a scowl from his friend.

"No, somehow we contained ourselves. We had other things to discuss."

"And? Are you still dating? Remy might back off her scheming if she knew that you were happily in a relationship with your boyfriend. The school gossip mill might die down too."

"Like Remy isn't involved with the gossip mill too? She's my twin sister, she needs to calm down. Tell her whatever you think will keep her from trying to spring more blind dates on me, but yeah, Theo and I are still dating."

He looked over his shoulder to see his two lookouts too consumed by hormones to see that Adam had woken up. A quick stab of jealousy shot through him as he saw how easily they moved together. They trusted each other. Neither boy knew enough about magic to be a threat to the other. It must be nice.

"We did it!" Travis exclaimed, high fiving Adam happily. "Plus, you're alive and in one piece! Tell me all about it! I'm dying to know everything that happened. Was he in his pajamas or was he projecting his own self-image? What did the deity look like? Did they threaten you?"

Adam picked up the borrowed staff he'd used earlier, inspecting it for damage.

"I'll tell you all about it, but we'd better get this back to the storage room before my dad finds us and wants to know why we needed it."

[hungrydolphin91]

ok I had to go make my own post about Eugene Cassette Beasts, it's not fair for me to fill up everyone else's tags w how much I love this guy. I wanted to speculate a little about his backstory here cause it honestly fascinates me and I feel like I havent seen this happen much in other media, much less turn based monster collecting RPGs.

So Eugene is from a future world (seemingly the only party member who is except maybe Barkley but he's a dog so.) It sounds like he's from the turn of the century, maybe 2100 or so, and mentions in his rank 3 friendship that in his world, there was a massive reformation when society as a while realized they couldn't keep fucking each other over and destroying the planet, so everyone worked hard to abolish the kinds of structures that unilaterally hurt people (for instance, capitalism). Sounds like a utopia right?

Eugene only says good things about his world really, how much people value acts of goodness and kindness. But he says it all with such a sad tone, like something he's missing out on, because he thinks he is, he didn't fit in. He says that he wasn't great at being helpful all the time, which is why he wants to do better in New Wirral, a world removed from his own where he can be a better person than he was in his own world.

But the thing is, he IS a nice person. Maybe that's by design, everything he does in New Wirral is about him playing the hero, but it's also oh so clear that he brought his own expectations of goodness from his own timeline and they're just as much of a burden here. Even when hes succeeding, he won't cut himself slack, he says he needs to have a cause to rally behind, or what that archangel said to him would be proven true: he IS empty. Or at least, useless, which is probably the same thing to him.

What really grabs me about all of this though (besides the usual love of angst and guilt complexes and hero complexes and whatnot) is this future of moral reformation. Those are a pretty common historical phenomenon, often involving moral panics and an emphasis on presentation--- what matters is that you LOOK pure compared to others. And poor Eugene just felt like he couldn't keep up just because he has some small selfish impulses, or something in that nature I'd imagine--- I think he'd rather throw himself off a bridge than admit whatever the reason was that he didn't fit in in his own world.

It's easy to see his world being our future, in a way. I'd be delighted if terrible oppressive governments and economic systems were torn down in favor of ones that promote equality and universal well being, but currently moral purity is just as much of a trend as ever--- look at any discussion of book banning, not to mention transphobic legislature, fandom antis and so much more. So this hypothetical future is one where even though the 'right' thing has been done, there's still a subtle form of policing going on to enforce it. Maybe that is successful at keeping cruel practices from coming back. Or maybe it's just traumatizing people like Eugene who feel judged by their every action and pressured to be a saint every single moment of their lives.

One last thing I thought was interesting--- as part of his level 4 friendship rank, Eugene mentions how his parents' generation still seem scarred by the cruelties they endured before this reformation. But Eugene is too young to have lived through it himself so you know what that means?? Generational trauma babyyyyy. He's inherited guilt about a time he wasn't even alive for, along with a pressure to make sure it never ever happens again, so no unkindness is tolerated. It's no wonder this boy has so many issues.

So that's my late night rambles about this guy, probably like 50% of this is just me projecting but it's also fun to dissect what's happening here. Like I said before, it's unusual to see a unique concept like character like Eugene and his world in what appears to be a fun little indie game about turning into monsters with cassettes.

[brookstolemybrand]

The thing about the writing problems with Sabo's character is that almost all of them could be so easily fixed by just mentioning him a bit earlier, or even just hinting about him (I don't count Ace's tattoo as a hint because it's only clear that it even was a hint in retrospect)

The way I'd do it would be to just have Ace and/or Luffy refer to him in some indirect way in Alabasta. Just enough for the audience to understand that the two of them have someone they both used to know who was important to them but who isn't around anymore

One idea I had was that maybe Ace stays for just a little bit longer with the crew and to celebrate the reunion he asks if they have any booze, and either him or Luffy ask for an extra cup. The others might be surprised since Luffy usually doesn't like alcohol. They drink and then pour the extra cup into the ocean

Nothing else had to be said, the implication is very much that someone is missing from the table (with bonus implication that they were lost at sea) and the audience gets to make their speculations

Also it'd be an early hint about how Luffy and Ace became brothers

And then when the flashback comes along later and Sabo is introduced, everyone would immediately know that this is who the extra cup was for, even before they see the scene itself

Obviously this is only possible in retrospect (because I'm pretty sure Oda hadn't come up with Sabo yet at that point) but I hope the live action version does something like this (even if it's not literally this, and even if it never actually gets far enough to introduce Sabo)

My point is, that's really all you need to make Sabo fully integrated into the narrative IMO. That way he's subtly introduced with Ace so it doesn't come out of nowhere when there's a third brother, but at the same it preserves the element of mystery and surprise, because we don't know anything about him

It also removes the problem of people seeing him as Ace's replacement because we would have been expecting someone like this ever since Ace's introduction

And I think that demonstrates that there really isn't anything wrong with this character, it's only that his introduction is a bit too abrupt. It's all about properly managing audience expectations. Unfortunately you can't always do that in a serialised format when you come up with something just a little bit too late and can't go back to add the foreshadowing

I'm glad Oda still chose to include Sabo because I genuinely think he was a much needed addition, someone (preferably someone young) for the audience AND Luffy to personally connect to within the Revolutionary Army and a sort of secondary protagonist for that side of the plot which Luffy can't yet be involved in because he's busy chasing his goals

Somebody needs to be fighting the World Government directly, otherwise the audience might feel too torn about the fact that Luffy is just over here having a fun adventure and looking for treasure while this totalitarian government is oppressing people and keeping slaves. Luffy has challenged them, yes, but only for his own reasons. Because Luffy isn't and doesn't want to be a hero. So to balance that out and to leave Luffy free to do his thing, you need heroes like the Revolutionary Army to respond to the glaring problem that the setting introduces so Luffy ignoring it (for now) doesn't feel jarring; somebody else is working on it

Sure it's probably ultimately going to be Luffy who takes care of the WG, obviously, because he's still the actual protagonist. But you get what I mean, right? If someone else wasn't focusing on that issue, the audience might feel like it's something Luffy should be doing before going after the One Piece, because it feels more pressing and urgent

That's why a character like Sabo is important; this is in fact his main role in the story, not just being Luffy's big brother but being Luffy's counterpart in the RA, similarly to the way Koby is Luffy's counterpart in the Navy