#i was trying to sleep but this was important lol

[myonexox]

NIGHT SHIFT: DAD EDITION

pairing : husband!jay x female!reader

synopsis : jay wakes up in the middle of the night to your crying baby. he doesn’t want to wake his tired wife so he tries to calm the baby himself.

word count : 1.4k

a/n : hey guys! sooo i randomly got this idea in the middle of the night when i couldn’t sleep and i used to do this for my younger brother when he was a baby. yeah so i thought why not turn it into a cute little story? lol. hope you enjoy it!

the quiet of the night was interrupted by a soft, wailing cry. you were sleeping soundly, your breathing slow and even, exhaustion evident in the way your body remained still despite the noise. beside you, jay stirred, his brows furrowing slightly as he heard the cries of your son.

still half-asleep, he blinked his eyes open, the dim light barely helping him adjust to the darkness of the room. he turned his head toward the crib and saw the tiny, wriggling form of your baby, his little face scrunched up in distress as he cried. a tired sigh escaped jay’s lips as he rubbed his eyes, pushing himself up on one elbow. he glanced at you, still deep in sleep and a wave of guilt washed over him.

he knew how much you had gone through today. your son had been fussy the whole afternoon, the fever making him uncomfortable and you had spent every waking moment tending to him. when jay came home from work, you barely had time to eat dinner before exhaustion finally overtook you. he knew waking you up would be the easiest solution but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

he sat up fully and reached for the baby, lifting him gently into his arms. he rocked him slightly, whispering soft shushing sounds in an attempt to soothe him. “hey little guy… what’s wrong?” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss against the baby’s forehead. he was still warm but not as hot as before. that was a relief at least.

the cries didn’t subside though. the baby’s tiny fists flailed, his face scrunching up further as his cries turned more insistent. jay felt a twinge of panic. was he still feeling sick? was he in pain? and then it hit him. maybe he was just hungry.

his gaze flickered to you again, still deeply asleep. he knew you preferred breastfeeding over formula milk because of the benefits it provided. stronger immunity, better digestion and the emotional bond it created between you and your son. you had mentioned how important it was to you and he respected that. but now, faced with a hungry, crying baby and a completely exhausted wife, he felt torn.

he swallowed, conflicted. should he wake you up? he knew you wouldn’t be mad. but seeing you sleep so peacefully after such a long, draining day made him hesitate. he sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. “okay buddy, let’s try something else first” he whispered, bouncing the baby gently in his arms.

that was when he smelled it.

he stiffened, his nose wrinkling as the distinct, unpleasant odor filled the air. he hesitated for a moment, hoping he was wrong but one quick peek into the baby’s diaper confirmed his suspicions.

“great” he muttered under his breath, rubbing his temple. “of course it’s poop”

he glanced at you again, debating for a second but ultimately decided against waking you. he had never changed a diaper before, not completely on his own at least. but how hard could it be? he had watched you do it plenty of times. he could figure it out. probably.

with another sigh, he stood up carefully, making sure to support the baby’s head as he carried him toward the bathroom. the baby continued to fuss in his arms, his little legs kicking against jay’s chest.

“alright alright i get it. you hate this. but we gotta do it, bud”

he flicked on the bathroom light, squinting at the sudden brightness. he laid the baby down on the changing mat and hesitated for a second, staring at the tiny, soiled diaper. “okay i can do this”

he unfastened the diaper and the smell immediately hit him like a brick wall. he gagged slightly, turning his head away. “oh my god. what have you been eating, huh?” he muttered, half to himself, half to the baby. of course the baby didn’t answer. he just kept crying.

taking a deep breath, jay grabbed the wipes and carefully cleaned the baby’s bottom, grimacing slightly at the mess. he worked as quickly as he could, murmuring soft reassurances the entire time. “i know, buddy. i know. almost done”

the moment the cool water touched his skin, the baby let out an ear-piercing wail. jay winced but continued, trying his best to be gentle. he rinsed the baby’s bottom, making sure he was thoroughly clean before wrapping him up in a soft towel.

“okay all clean now” jay cooed, pressing a kiss to the baby’s forehead. “see? that wasn’t so bad”

the baby didn’t seem convinced. he was still whimpering, his tiny fingers clutching at jay’s shirt.

jay carried him back to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed, pulling out a fresh diaper and baby oil. he squeezed a small amount onto his palm, rubbing it between his hands to warm it up before gently massaging it onto the baby’s legs and stomach.

“there we go” he whispered, his voice soft and soothing. “all fresh and clean now”

he carefully fastened the new diaper, making sure it wasn’t too tight and then reached for the tiny trousers, sliding them up the baby’s legs. once everything was in place, he lifted the baby into his arms again, rocking him gently.

but the baby was still fussy. his tiny hands grabbed at jay’s shirt, his mouth making small sucking motions.

“you’re still hungry, huh?” jay sighed, looking down at the baby’s pleading eyes. he turned his head just in time to see you stir awake, your eyes fluttering open.

“jay?” your voice was thick with sleep, your brows furrowed in confusion. “what’s going on?”

he glanced at you sheepishly. “uh… i was trying to let you sleep but i think he’s hungry”

you pushed yourself up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you looked at your son. he was still fussing, his little face pressed against his daddy's chest. you smiled softly, reaching for him.

“come here baby” you murmured, taking him into your arms.

jay watched as you settled against the pillows, cradling your son close as he latched onto you. the moment he started feeding, the cries quieted, replaced by soft, contented suckling sounds.

jay let out a breath of relief, running a hand through his hair. “wow. that was a lot”

still drowsy, you inhaled deeply. there was a faint but familiar scent lingering in the air, one you knew all too well. you yawned, rubbing your eyes as you turned to your husband.

"did he poop?" you asked, your voice laced with sleep.

he blinked at you, his expression shifting from exhaustion to surprise. "wait- how do you know?"

you smiled. "i smelled the oil"

he stared at you for a moment as if processing your words before letting out a short laugh. "wow, you have a mom superpower or something"

you chuckled, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. “you changed his diaper?”

he nodded. “yep. all by myself. it was… an experience”

you laughed softly, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “thank you jay”

he shrugged, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “you’ve done a lot more than this. it’s the least i can do”

you smiled, warmth spreading in your chest as you looked at him. you really were lucky to have a husband like jay.

as you gazed at him, watching the way he rubbed his eyes in exhaustion yet still managed to smile at you, your heart swelled with love and gratitude. it wasn’t just about the late night diaper changes or the way he rocked your baby in his arms, whispering sweet reassurances even when he was just as sleep deprived as you. it was the way he cared, not just in words but in actions, in the little sacrifices he made without hesitation.

he was the kind of man who paid attention to the smallest details. he noticed when you were too tired to speak, when you needed a moment to yourself, when your shoulders ached from carrying your son all day. he would massage them without being asked, kiss the top of your head and tell you he appreciated everything you did even when you felt like you weren’t doing enough.

jay was the kind of man who despite coming home from work exhausted, would still take over baby duties just to give you a break.

and it wasn’t just about being a great father, he was an incredible husband. he didn’t realize that what he did, choosing to love and to care, meant the world to you.

no, you weren’t just lucky to have him, you were blessed.

[wisterialwhymsy]

the moments in between

series masterlist

part 4 !!!!! bang chan x gn! reader wc: 3574 warnings: panic attack, in depth (ish) description of a trauma related panic attack, anxiety, physical touch, chris is a sweetheart as usual, lovely and fluffy, reader gets a miagrane, sleep issues, platonic (...?) affection, slight angst, complex emotions, they have abath together (with bathers on), adorable soft fluff :) a/n: sorry this took so long, lifes been hectic and i'm starting uni soon ive been busy lol

“Ooh that feels nice.” Chris mumbles as you gently stroke your fingers through his freshly washed hair.

“You like it?” You chuckle as you look down at where he’s situated on the floor in front of you.

“We need to do this more often.” Chris murmurs as he leans into your hands.

“Hold your horses. We haven’t even started.” You say, giggling as he whines when you move your hands.

“Okay so, once you're out, gently dry your hair with a towel.” You start, opening the tub next to you. “Microfibre, or anything generally soft is preferred.”

“Then, once it’s somewhat dry, you put in a leave-in conditioner.” You continue as you spread some leave-in-conditioner on your hands.

“You then apply it to your hair, you have to like, comb it through.” You murmur as you gently comb the product through his hair.

“Then…” You mumble as you pick up the bottle of gel, squeezing some onto your hands. “You put the gel on. And then you have to scrunch it.”

“Like this.” You say as you gently scrunch his hair, careful not to accidentally pull it. “Until your curls are more defined.”

“Then you scrunch it again with a t-shirt, or soft towel.” You hum, repeating the process with an old t-shirt.

“You can then let it air dry, or if you want more defined curls you can use a diffuser.” You finish, patting his shoulder to signal that you’re done.

He turns around, still on the floor but now facing you.

“As much as I appreciate you showing me, I will absolutely never be doing that.” He says sincerely and you groan.

“Chrissss! You have to take care of your hair!” You whine as he giggles.

“Can’t you just do it for me?” He gently rests his chin on your knee and you inhale sharply. 

“I won’t be here everyday.” You sigh, trying to ignore how your stomach somersaulted at the touch.

“Then move in with me or something!” He playfully whines, his words carrying a sense of unspoken sincerity as he presses his chin into your knee slightly.

“And give Mia more to gossip about?” You laugh as he groans.

“Let them gossip! We know we’re just friends! That's what's important.” He says as he looks up at you with pleading eyes and you try your best to ignore the sting of his words, choosing to unpack that later.

“I-” You start, looking down at his puppy-dog eyes. “I’ll think about it.”

He giggles cheerfully, sitting up on his knees to hug you and gently nuzzle his face into your stomach, making you giggle.

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

The next few weeks flew by in a blur of persuasions and packing, and before you even processed that you agreed, you were sitting on the floor of your new room trying to construct a bookcase.

“I’m so glad you agreed to move in!” Chris chirped, his excitement infectious as he carried the final box inside.

“Still not sure how you convinced me.” You tease before scowling at the still-disassembled bookcase before you.

“Do you need help?” He asked, giggling at your growing frustration.

You turn to give him a petty glare, huffing as you turn back to the nonsensical instructions.

“Yes.” You concede, making him burst into laughter at your exasperation.

You roll your eyes at him and throw the instruction sheet in his general direction as he sits behind you.

He quickly looks over the sheet, immediately looking confused.

“Okay yeah, this doesn’t make sense.” He murmurs, looking between the sheet and the shelf.

“I KNOW RIGHT!” You exclaim as he tries to hold back a laugh.

“I vote, we use common sense and guess.” You say, on the verge of giving up.

He looks at you, humour and mirth evident in his eyes. “Okay, sure. You lead the way. But if it breaks, it’s not my fault.” 

You huff again as you stand up. “Let’s do this.”

“I can’t believe that worked.” Chris said an hour later.

“I know right!” You respond, proud of your handiwork.

“Do you want my help putting stuff away?” He asks, admiring the bookcase.

“Uhh… Can you help me put books away?” You ask, looking towards the 4 stacked boxes full of books.

“Yeah! Any particular order?” He asks, already turning to the boxes.

“Just by series or author.” You reply, turning to start to put away your clothes. 

“Let me know if you need help reaching the top.” You giggle as he gasps.

“Hey! I’m helping you here.” He scolds lightheartedly.

“Right, right, sorry.” You pause. 

“I’ll just get you a stepstool.” You say before erupting in a fit of giggles at his exasperated expression.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you move in…” He grumbles as he puts the books away.

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

It had been a few months since you’d moved in with Chris and all was going well.

You sat on the couch reading a book when you heard the front door unlock. 

“Hey.” You murmur, looking up at Chris from your spot cuddled up on the couch.

“Hi.” He whispers tiredly as he puts his bag down and takes his shoes off.

“Long day?” You ask quietly as you put your book to the side.

“Yeah.” He mutters as he rubs his face.

“Anything I can do to help?” You ask softly as he walks over to you.

“Yeah, but I’m worried it’s weird.” He whispers as he sits on the other end of the couch.

“Hey, I won’t judge you. I promise.” You murmur as you offer him a soft smile.

“Can you just like…” He hesitates. 

“Hold me?” He whispers as he looks away.

��Of course.” You reply, holding your arms out for him to fall into.

You feel your heart flutter at the look of relief on his face as he snuggles against you, his face pressed against your stomach as you gently run your fingers through his hair.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You murmur after holding him for sometime.

“I don’t think so.” He whispers in reply.

“If you ever want to, I’m here.” You mumble, continuing your gentle ministrations on his fluffy hair.

“Even if I cry?” He murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.

“Especially if you cry.” You respond and you swear you feel him breathe a sigh of relief.

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

A few weeks later

You felt absolutely shattered, your eyes burned from the lack of sleep and your limbs were heavy with an ever-present ache. Once again, you struggled to sleep last night, the insomnia and nightmares winning out despite your many attempts to avoid them. Choosing to do something productive rather than wallow in your complicated emotions, you decided to make pancakes for you and Chris.

You were onto the final few pancakes when you heard someone softly padding into the kitchen.

“What’cha cooking?” Chris asks, his voice heavy with sleep as he came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, careful to avoid the hot pan.

“Pancakes.” You hum simply in response, focusing on the task at hand.

He nuzzles his nose into your shoulder as he slowly wakes up.

“This okay?” He mumbles against your shoulder.

You hum affirmatively, trying to maintain your focus.

“How’d you sleep?” He asks as he holds you close.

“Yeah, okay.” You murmur, the lie feeling thick in your throat. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, I actually fell asleep early for once.” He mutters as you flip the pancake.

“So like… what. 11:30?” You tease, allowing your attention to shift from the pancakes slightly.

“Heyy! You should be happy for me, you’re the one always telling me to sleep earlier.” He whines, trying to hide his giggles.

“Fine, fine. I’m glad you slept well.” You hum, moving one hand to squeeze his hand where it wrapped around your waist.

He nestles his face in the crook of your neck and you freeze, your stomach turning uncomfortably and nausea rising in your throat.

He pulls back immediately upon noticing your discomfort.

“Not okay?” He gently asks, removing his hands from around your waist and despite the chaos in your mind you mourn the loss of his body against yours.

You can hear your heart race as you lean to turn the stove off, each echoing beat spiking your anxiety as your thoughts spiral.

“Uh. No sorry.” You mutter, trying to ignore the familiar sensation of your breath catching in your throat.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, don’t apologise.” Chris whispers as he notices the tears in your eyes. “Can I touch you?”

You nod hesitantly and as soon as he pulls you close, tears begin spilling down your face as you see memories of them flickering in your mind.

“You don’t need to apologise, it's okay.” He murmurs, gently tracing invisible circles along your back.

“You’re allowed to have boundaries, and I’m sorry for crossing them.” He affirms as the invisible circles he’s tracing turn into little stars and hearts.

“Thank you for telling me, I’m really proud of you.” He affirms, gently pulling you back to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“You are so strong. And incredible. You deserve the world.” He pulls you back into his chest, holding you close as you bawl into his shoulder.

“Do you want to go sit on the couch?” He gently asks after some time, when your sobs had eventually turned into hiccups.

You shake your head, sniffling as you pull back and wipe your eyes.

“Thank you.” You murmur before turning towards the stove where the half-finished pancake lays. “But there’s still one more pancake.”

He pulls you back into his chest, resting his face in your hair as he holds you close.

“We have enough pancakes. Do you want to go set the table? I’ll clean this for you.” Chris murmurs softly before gently guiding you away by the waist.

You simply hum in response, too emotionally exhausted to say more, before going to set the table.

Chris appears at the table minutes later, bearing two plates of pancakes, one lovingly decorated with your favourite toppings.

“You okay?” He asks softly as he places the plate down in front of you.

You nod, scared that speaking will release the floodgates of your emotional turmoil.

“I’m really sorry. I should’ve remembered that you don’t like neck stuff.” He mumbles as he sits beside you.

“No, it’s not your fault.” You start, hoping that your voice sounded stable. “I overreacted. I'm sorry.”

“You didn’t overreact. You’re allowed to have emotions.” Chris states as you busy yourself with your pancakes in an effort to distract yourself from your overwhelming emotions.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks softly a few minutes later, and the concern in his voice sends a pang to your stomach.

“Yeah, just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.” You mutter, trying to ignore the nausea in your stomach.

“Oh, I get that. Do you want to talk about it?” He gently enquires as he starts to eat his pancakes.

“Um. I don’t know.” You reply, unsure.

“No pressure. But I’m here if you want to talk.” He murmurs, gently nudging his knee against yours, making you giggle.

“Uh.” You start after the two of you sit in silence for a while. “I just keep getting nightmares, and it takes me ages to get to sleep.”

“Wanna cuddle?” He asks, somewhat jokingly and you almost choke on your pancakes.

“Oh my god. Please don’t die.” He says, patting your back as you recover.

“We don’t have to. But if you think it might help, it could be worth a shot.” He murmurs as you consider his proposition.

“Okay.” You reply, desperate to try anything.

“Really?” Chris exclaims excitedly and you laugh before collecting your plate and putting it at the sink.

“Now?” He asks, immediately standing behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Sure.” You hum, and you're caught off guard when he picks you up, carrying you to his bedroom.

“Chris!” You scream before the two of you erupt into giggles.

“Cuddle time!” He exclaims before dropping you on the bed, immediately shuffling in behind you.

He immediately pulls you to his chest, wrapping his around your stomach and pressing his face into your hair.

“This okay?” He asks gently as he holds you close.

“Uh, yes but-” You begin as you turn around, shifting so that you’re facing him.

“Hi.” You whisper, caught off guard by how close your faces are.

“Hi.” He whispers in response, and you swear you see his eyes flick to your lips for a second.

“Can I uh- lay on your chest? Heartbeats make me uh, calmer.” You mumble, struggling to avoid making eye contact with how close your faces are.

“Of course.” He murmurs back, smiling as he shuffles to lay on his back, allowing you to shift yourself into a more comfortable position.

“Thank you.” You mumble, immediately feeling sleepy once you rested your head on his chest.

“Always.” He murmurs, softly brushing the hair off your face before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “This okay?”

You hum and nod, trying to ignore the swirl of emotions in your stomach as your heart rate quickens- grateful that you were listening to his heart and not the reverse.

The two of you lie there for a while, you listening to the gentle thump of his heartbeat as he softly runs his fingers through your hair.

“I still can’t sleep.” You mumble sometime later. “Like I’m sleepy, but I can’t sleep.”

“Do you want me to sing to you?” He whispers. “Didn’t you say that gentle touches on your arm makes you sleepy? I can do that.”

You hum in consideration, too exhausted to be flustered by his sweetness. “Yeah, like gently tracing on my arm.”

“Like this?” He mumbles before gently running the tips of his fingers down your arm.

You nod, already feeling sleepier.

“Want me to sing too?” He asks gently and you hum in response.

He starts softly singing one of your favourite songs as he continues his gentle tracing on your arm. You feel yourself slowly drift to sleep, encased in a soft blanket of his affection, as well as the comfort and safety he brings you.

Later, a while after your breathing evens out and he hears your soft snores, Chris stops his soft singing and gentle tracing, instead pressing a soft kiss to your hair and looking down at your sleeping face.

“Love you bug.” He murmurs before closing his eyes as your soft snores lull him to sleep.

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

You could vaguely hear Chris’s soft footsteps as he tiptoed into the room.

“Hey love. You okay?” He asked softly, sitting down next to where you laid on the bed.

“Yeah.” You mumble out, voice hoarse from your medicine-induced nap. “My head hurts less.”

“I’m glad.” He hums, brushing your hair out of your face and looking down at you sweetly.

“I need to shower.” You murmur, trying to sit up before you're interrupted by a sharp pain in your head.

“Woah, woah. Take it easy.” Chris mumbles as he helps you sit up. “Is that a good idea?”

“Probably not. But I didn’t yesterday, and I need to wash my hair.” You whisper, blinking to try and wake up fully..

“Do you want me to help?” He gently asks and you hum noncommittally. 

“Whilst I appreciate the thought, I don’t think I feel comfortable with you seeing me naked, let alone touching me naked.” You whisper, the mixture of pain and exhaustion making you too honest for your own good.

“We can wear bathers.” He murmurs and you look up to see that beautiful, genuine smile on his face.

“I- yeah. That would work.” You mumble, glad that the room was still dark and that he therefore couldn’t see you blushing.

“Shower or bath?” He asks, gently rubbing a soft circle on your hand with his thumb.

“Bath… Please.” You murmur as he smiles at you, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Do you want me to leave you to get changed whilst I run the bath?” You nod in response, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and standing as he runs off.

10 minutes later, you walk into the bathroom, immediately surprised by the ambiance in the room.

“I put candles up so that the lighting wasn’t too bright.” Chris whispers from behind you, startling you.

You turn around, shocked to find him shirtless in swim trunks.

“Do you want me to wear a top?” He asks, stepping back.

“No, it’s fine. I just forget how buff you are.” You murmur, admiring his physique as he blushes.

“Oh hush, get in the bath.” He shushes as you giggle at his fluster.

You sit down in the bath, sighing at the warmth.

“Is the temperature good?” Chris asks from beside you.

You nod, humming contently as you feel your headache relax again.

“Okay, how are we going to do this?” He asks gently, as you sit there with your eyes closed.

“Can you just help me wash my hair?” You murmur, squinting your eyes open slightly.

“Yeah, of course. Where are your products?” He asks, looking around.

“Just there, would it be easier if you got in with me?” You ask gently, grateful for his decision with the lighting as you open your eyes.

He freezes, inwardly glad he chose warm lighting so his blush was less obvious.

“Are you okay with that?” He asks, distracting himself with gathering the products.

“Yeah.” You hum, trying to remain nonchalant about the intimacy of the situation.

“Okay.” He says as he places the items on the shelf next to the bath.

He then gently slides in behind you, and you situate yourself so you're sitting in between his legs.

“This okay?” He asks once the two of you are comfortable.

You nod, untrusting of your voice's ability to mask your fluster.

“Okay, so what do I have to do?” He asks, picking up the bottles from the floor.

You slowly guide him through each of the steps, explaining each part of the process.

“Then I do stuff after but I can do that myself.” You finish as he hums.

“You sure?” He asks, whispering so as to not aggravate your aching head. “I’m happy to help.”

“Uh, sure. If it’s not too much trouble.” You murmur, trying to ignore the odd fluttering of your heart.

“You’re never too much trouble.” He hums as he starts to lather the shampoo on your hair.

“Thank you.” You mutter, glad he was behind you and unable to see your flushed face.

“That better?” He murmurs after he washed the conditioner out of your hair.

You hum sleepily, the ambiance of the soft light of the candles and the gentle trickling of water combining with Chris’ gentle washing of your hair lulling you into a blissful state. 

“Don’t fall asleep just yet.” He whispers gently as he cradles you against his chest. “Almost done, then you can go to sleep.”

The gentleness in his tone makes your heart ache ever-so-slightly and the shift in positions rouses you from your trance.

“Okay.” You hum before moving to get out of the water.

“Wait, let me get out first.” Chris says, steadying you before he stands.

He wraps his towel around his waist before he carefully helps you exit the bath.

He gently wraps your towel around you before sitting you down on the stool next to the vanity.

“Now, how do I do this?” He asks once you're situated.

“Just a leave-in-conditioner. It’s in the bottom drawer.” You say, trying to ignore the chill biting at your legs as he leans down and grabs the container.

“This is how you always smell so nice!” He murmurs upon opening it, making you giggle.

“Do you remember how to do this?” You ask, looking up at him.

“Yep.” He responds before gently brushing the product through your hair.

“Okay done! Did I do it right?” He asks as he puts it away.

“Yes, you did.” You reply, giggling slightly.

“Great! Okay let’s get you back to your room.” He murmurs as helps you stand up.

Later, once the two of you have changed out of your pyjamas and you’re snuggled up in your bed, Chris comes to check on you.

“Need anything?” He asks, standing beside your bed.

“Uhh… I think I’m good, thanks.” You murmur as you slowly feel yourself getting sleepier.

“Okay, feel free to call me if you need anything.” He whispers as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. As his lips gently brushed your forehead you feel your face warm with a deep flush, grateful to the shadows of the room for concealing it.

He began to walk towards the door, careful not to make too much noise.

“Wait.” You whisper as you hesitate, your heart pounding at the thought of asking for more from him.

He turns, looking concerned.

“You okay?” He asks warmly.

“Yeah, just uh…” You mumble, flustered.

“Can you hold me?” You ask in a whisper.

He simply smiles, moving towards the bed and slipping under the covers, gently wrapping his muscular arm around your waist, holding you tight.

“Always.” He whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your hair.

This is a work of fiction, based entirely on my personal perception of him, and does not reflect his actual character or actions.

ʚ✩ɞ taglist ʚ✩ɞ

@jennibahng @jchasseblog @itzkingbo @velvetmoonlght

[dahyunbff]

my favorite methods / others i've had successes with.

just wanted to share some of the methods i've had the most successes with. i'll update this post when I try new methods or if I think of another one that i've used in the past because i've honestly forgot some of them LOL. for reference i've been "successfully" shifting on and off since 2021.

IMPORTANT: remember that literally all you need at the end of the day is to decide you're shifting. sometimes if i'm feeling lazy I literally just meditate and then shift.

personally, i'm not a fan of sleep methods and i've only ever shifted while awake, but it really doesn't matter. also.. don't be discouraged! despite having success, I will be honest and say that I don't shift every time I try, and that's ok!! as I saw someone else on here say earlier: don't stress about things that are inevitable, you're going to do it eventually. I think it's important to focus on your life HERE and realizing that your "drs" are just your other lives!

now onto the methods

my all time favorite: julia method

shes really that girl.. idk who julia is but they ate with this method.

how I do it:

first, I meditate. nothing too crazy, it depends how I feel but sometimes I listen to a meditation specifically for shifting, or just a regular one to get relaxed.

then, I just start repeating the affirmation "I am." while i'm repeating this, I let my mind wander into thinking about my life in my dr. I might think about where i'm going to be when I shift, or just simply what i'm going to do with my day once I get there lol.

finally, rather than counting to 100 as you usually would with this method, I just keep repeating affirmations until I feel my surroundings change. which I will say, for me, is always a scary feeling I will never get used too lol. so, I just try to keep myself grounded to my dr and remember that it's natural and that I am exactly where I want to be!

3. the ADHD method.

I loveeee using music to shift, especially since i'm an "awake" shifter. I just put on a playlist full of music that reminds me of my dr, repeat "i am" and other affirmations like the julia method, and then shift!

this method I also find is very easy to "visualize" with because I just think of myself listening to my music in my room or wherever i'm shifting too!

3. train method

this method was how I shifted to my marauders dr for the first time! I don't use it anymore or at least not very often because I have a hard time feeling that it "matches up" with my life there unless its the beginning of a school year when i'm shifting back.

how I use this method though is actually just by listening to this guided meditation. the train noises are perfect and I think I shifted with it the first time because it really helped me ground my senses to my dr and being on the hogwarts express!

others i've shifted with: 5 senses method, heartbeat method.....

updated: 2/5/2025

[chappellrroan]

hey babe okay so I saw the first episode and let me tell u u thirsting about helly r (or helen? im guessing that's her outside name) is soo valid and justified she's very pretty and she's banging on doors screaming to get out and throwing things so I obviously admire her lol also this scout guy omg I cannot take him seriously he was a joke character in the good place it was so funny I keep thinking of him but except for that hmmm it's kinda interesting but I fell asleep like 5 times😭 why is it so slow vio why do they show stupid things like him walking through a white hallway and tying his shoelaces i guess am just used to sitcoms i cannot watch these slowpokes I hope i didn't miss anything important my favourite scene yet from just ep1 was scout sobbing in his car before going to work (haha been there done that) and also helly's video she's so animated corporates will truly kill us all this concept is wild tho but like. it's. i thought that wow i can't keep you're giving away one third of your life to a corporation and you're not even going to remember it like how can you waste it lifeis sooo precious. but then I think about all the precious hours i spent in my office formatting idiotic word documents because my seniors said the font looks bad the spacing is incorrect and how tired I was that I just came home and fell asleep and I'm like oh. i loved that line the boss lady said that humans imagined hell but it doesn't exist but the scary part is that what humans can imagine, they can create. so we all gonna die. but anyway yes that's my review of the first episode.i think i definitely missed some important things like i remember seeing some very old guy talking and suddenly he's like I'm petey and I'm like wait YOU'RE petey? where did u come from? but I'll figure it out lol maybe I didn't sleep enough last night

you'll only fall more and more in love with helly lol (also try not to get spoiled by my posts here because i need to see you react to everything a hundred percent authentic). okay in show's defence it's trying to show and not tell, that's why the first episode might seem a bit boring and slow but trust me it'll speed up by end of 2nd episode. the walking thing is show you the shift in his mannersims how outside he seemed depressed and crying while when his innie (aka the severed self) had absolutely no idea at all (the puzzled look at the wet tissue paper and throwing it) the changing of shoes because he isn't allowed to wear outside ones inside it'd have probably make his innie wonder why they're wet (i am realising this as we speak tbh, because his innie has no idea about sky sun snow weather etc) and give him a chance okay forget his previous characters RIGHTTTT it seems like a fucked up concept but if it was possible i am sure soo many companies would take advantage of it to prey on depressed/naive people. like it sounds nice as a concept but (you'll realise this as you watch) in fact is inhuman to that the other part of yourself that is consistently working. lmao that's miss cobel for you, tell me more about how you feel about her as you go on. also get some sleep and try not to be too worried about catching all the symbolism you'll get them as you go plus we have tumblr to discuss anyways mwah

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I recently went into the x-men and I found my own dead with Charles and Erik AND I NEED READ MORE OF THEM BUT I SO LOST AFTER POWERS AND HOUSE OF X SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE CONTINUE, can u help me?

(alsoIlikeyoursdrawingsiwishbeingsoconstantwithmycontentlikeu)

i'll be very candid with you my friend: i'm totally lost too !!!!!!! your comic-reading journey is about as green as mine and so i cant personally give you a super great guide- but beautiful people on the internet exist who've done most of the dirty work for us when sorting through the stories you 'should' read so i'm borrowing them to help us both

you can read this article to read about one person's advice with exploring krakoa and- in their opinion- its most 'significant' stories, though to summarize the issues they recommend looking into:

House of X/Powers of X (which you should have already done)

X of Swords event

Hellfire Gala

Inferno

X Lives and X Deaths of Wolverine

Second Hellfire Gala

Third Hellfire Gala

Fall of the House of X/Rise of the Powers of X (also should have already done, however...) +Single issue: X-Men (2021 series) #35 aka Uncanny X-Men #700 is featured at the end of the FoX omnibus, though the omnibus excludes an extra bit at the end involving a cliffhanger for Charles's fate after he's arrested

if you want to dig a little deeper though, you can check out this article from another individual which includes another wave of 'relevant' (word used loosely as some can be considered more poignant than others) krakoa stories and stories related to it or set during the period.

it's a lot longer and more in depth than the last article, so again i only really rec peaking at this one depending on how deep you wanna go, or if you decide you want to explore more after reading the more 'key' stories. def wouldn't hurt to give it a glance just in case you read some summaries that pique your interest!

all in all, don't take these as concrete rules or guides to follow: comics are meant to be fun, these are just good starting points if you're feeling lost or overwhelmed. at the end of the day, you decide ultimately what you want to read and which stories interest you the most

happy reading !

[napping-sapphic]

idk if i’m just THAT tired of feeling awful and dealing with so much life stuff lately but i’ve decided that actually i’m going to like myself and allow myself to have a nice day this time thanks

[sysig]

He was a human pirate, which you wouldn’t think you’d have to specify and yet (Patreon)

[hana-bobo-finch]

a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces

[burningcomputerpersona]

you ever have one of those cases where you know your childhood wasn't exactly normal but then you take a look at one aspect of your life that you thought was just a quirky lil detail and realize maybe that was a bit more not-normal than you previously thought

[s2pdoktopus]

Judgemental kids

And Petrushka

[potionwine]

Oooh, you’ve also seen Nirvana in Fire?!? That was SO good. And as inspiration for PF?? That, explains some things, dang! It works

My friend. My dear. My lovely Cimi—

WHAT in the world—

Have I seen the drama that bloody changed my life; my favourite comfort c-drama; the series that I rewatch yearly the way I rewatch lotr every Christmastime; that exquisite story with the most incredible breadth and variety of characters with impeccable character work and amazing themes and an ending that respects its viewers which however tragic is thoroughly earned and identity porn and politics and pride and grief, god, so much grief—and an Emperor who is shakespearean in his tragedy and—

Okay. Okay, no, you could not have known, tis a failure of my part if I have not spoken enough about it—I probably mostly reply to other people's posts as they liveblog their watching but. BUT. God when I saw your ask it felt like you came up to me to remark "hey wow so you also ship PF?" that's how gobsmacked I was lol!!!

I have dragged everyone in my life into watching this show! I have mutuals on here who can testify to my introducing them to it omg. I just checked and the earliest NIF post I reblogged was in 2016 so I have been watching it every year since 2016 hahaha!!! Although it's pretty complex chinese, and since so much of the show is made up of characters sitting around talking the intricate plot into existence, it's not really a beginner-friendly c-drama either!!!

NOW I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'VE WATCHED IT TOO???!!!

I. have. been. going. UTTERLY MENTAL. at the lack of anyone with whom I could talk about it? OR SO I THOUGHT. So many times I thought of going into our discord to be like "has anyone ever heard of NIF because hhhhhhh the phoenixflare resonance" or like "so is anyone into TGCF perhaps perchance mayhap???"——because heh. hehehehe. heheheh??? My fic is practically a NIF/TGCF mashup, it's a Lin Shu+Xie Lian!Joshua Rosfield & Jingyan+Hua Cheng!Dion Lesage——and I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I wanted to ask god please does anyone else see my vision please god does anyone?? but no one would even understand the references, and I couldn't even ask in areas (asian fandom) where there would be a higher chance of people knowing what crack I'm on because asian fandom is all about that...you know...that I loathe—and I have been in pain and I thought right well fine I'm writing the fic anyway it's fine if I have no one to scream about it with because I'm writing it and then I'll find fellow competence porn+politics enjoyers if they find my fic and—and.

God. What an earth-shattering message to receive in my askbox! You are some sort of miracle <3

Do you see it??? Do you see it? A boy who burned to death in an inferno as an innocent betrayed youth in a catastrophic event caused by his own family, his father slain, his entire clan (and all the troops under his banner) wiped out or scattered. A boy reborn after extensive and horrific injuries after an agonisingly long period of recovery: a ghost who crawled his way out of the gates of hell, the last of his broken once-noble house.

That boy's transformation into his new identity of Mei Changsu/Margrace. His off-screen discovery of the truth that led to Meiling/Phoenix Gate and his continued on-screen quest to learn more. His determination to hold the true culprits accountable at immense personal cost and suffering. His dogged persistence despite incredible odds and visibly failing health. Being surrounded by people who love him and want to protect him, and himself constantly undermining their efforts because his goals are more important than his health. (Because in truth he knows perfectly well that he won't survive, but he can make a difference while he is alive.)

Something that amuses me hugely is how Lin Shu and Joshua literally both come back as 宗主? I love it so much! They come back with the same title! Both of them come back as clan leaders of an organisation that obeys their every command! Margrace is the 不死鳥教団の宗主(=leader of the cult of the undying bird) and Mei Changsu is 江左盟的宗主(=leader of the Jiangzuo alliance).

AND. Hooooo yea this PF fic is just JingSu at this point because oh, a handsome, principled, prideful, and stubborn prince who is a decorated warrior famed for his numerous military accomplishments and the man who is essential to the success of Lin Shu's/Joshua's plans? The resurrected boy barging into his prince's life: no matter how insane it is to choose your side, still "I choose you, Your Highness Prince Jing"??? The fact that the undervalued prince has a history with our secretive ghost protagonist? And (arguably) frequently thought about and missed the bright boy he knew once upon a time in happier days—"I know you," says Dion Lesage without a shadow of a doubt, extremely normal of him to instantly recognise a dead boy he met 20 years ago?

Mutual admiration of each other's integrity and capabilities? Reciprocal faith and remembrance? The foundation of deep respect and enduring friendship, their shared goals and shared family??? I froth at the mouth. JingSu are cousins, PF are stepsiblings by their parents' marriage. Each pair is bound by destiny and by choice—other people have made choices that permanently entangled each pair's lives together forevermore (Joshua+Dion and Jingyan+Xiaoshu), and the choice they themselves personally made to choose each other—

DO YOU SEE THE VISION.

How difficult it is to pursue justice when everyone involved is family and how impossible it is for Lin Shu the nigh-extinguished Chiyan fire for Joshua, the guttering flame, to indict Jingyan's father the Emperor of Liang Dion's father the Emperor of Sanbreque of his crimes against Joshua's family without opening old wounds and hurting many loved ones in the process including Dion himself. The people directly responsible for the tragedies are related to the protagonists in one way or another! If Lin Shu Joshua ever wants resolution for his grief unending, he has to strike at his beloved's father, and plot meticulously to avoid all of the dangers of attacking such a powerful enemy.

(Of course, I acknowledge the critical difference in Jingyan's versus Dion's feelings about their respective fathers.)

Now if only Joshua had done the famous blizzard scene with Dion instead of letting him go off to carry out his ill-advised coup—"Xiao Jingyan! You stand where you are! If I don't stop you today, what are you going to do? What do you think you can possibly accomplish if you charge in to challenge imperial power like this? Do you think you can simply force the Emperor [to do what you want/change his mind about Anabella Wei Zheng]? You have honour and valour but why do you just not have brains! How many more people must be hurt, you tell me!"

Anyway Joshy doesn't have the insufferable smugness of Xiaoshu but he does absolutely have Xiaoshu's pride, the sort of pride that is not just personal pride but familial pride too (after all Joshua comes from extremely prestigious lineage)—just look at how he speaks to Ultima in every scene, his lordly manner. Joshua I think has more Consort Jing to him, and Consort Jing is only my favourite character in all of NIF, in a drama where I love every character to bits—steel in softness, ever gentle ever polite yet not to be bullied and not to be underestimated and also extremely perceptive and learned and patient. Extra sweet bonus that Consort Jing is also a healer. Elegant, restrained, and very repressed. Who knows the depths of Joshua's Consort Jing's grief and loss?

But you know, Jingyan, near the end he is completely in charge—the prince who was always a great and respected general on the battlefield is now more than that, he's directly taking responsibility for all of his people as their future ruler—that means thinking on multiple fronts and exerting control over all of the key governing officials, not merely his military officers. He's leading with confidence, and there's that little scene where he apologises to Xiaoshu for taking action on several plans without consulting him, and Xiaoshu says no, this is the way it should be, this is the correct state of affairs: you are the crown prince, and this is rightfully your arena. You lead, you decide, you command.

Jingyan now sees clearly, he's found out and accepted the truths of his father's role in the atrocity at Meiling and everything that happened back then. He rightly perceives the failings of his family and seeks to redress past wrongs and avoid repetition of past mistakes, he weeds his court of the corrupt and the cowardly, he's become the best possible version of himself: stronger than ever, not just a powerful wartime commander-in-chief but an inspiring leader in the imperial court, careful, thoughtful and politically up-to-speed, finally stable in his sense of self instead of being permanently stuck as that angry and lost and hurting child. He has renewed purpose, he possesses hope for the future, he is able to dedicate himself fully to what he truly believes to be right and act in furtherance of righteous causes—

Critically, this is the man he becomes only because Xiaoshu came back into his life to shake it up. Without Xiaoshu he wouldn't even have the opportunity or means or knowledge. The radiant and fiery boy who Jingyan missed all his life came back to save him. From the outsider prince without contacts or support within the imperial court->to the crown prince who has the court subdued within the palm of his hand. From his pitiful existence as a neglected, unfavoured prince, his lowkey constant simmering resentment, his half-dutiful half-forced obedience of paternal orders that chafe at his conscience->into the steadfast and self-assured prince who is capable of fighting for the betterment of his country and the rallying point for virtuous officials who share those aspirations. The drama shows the audience that Jingyan is unquestionably ready to assume rulership, and together with the person he loves most, they achieve their goals, they save each other and their country (by arresting its downward slide due to the rotten state of its governance).

It's just a strong headcanon of mine (albeit one that I can absolutely present extensive arguments for) but to me Joshua Rosfield is the one and only character able to perform that same abovementioned function for Dion Lesage. Catalyst, turning point, spark that ignites the fire—whatever you call it, this is salvation. It is beautifully poetic that both Lin Shu and Joshua are characterised by fire. They are the fires of change that burn away the old life: before their arrival, the two war princes exist in a state of wearying routine, long-suffering and almost hopeless. Both Jingyan and Dion are shackled by their stations and duties, both are unloved sons with virtually no chance of their circumstances improving without drastic action, and both are trapped in precarious situations where they are subject to the whims of their father (if their imperial fathers turn on them, it will result in irrevocable loss of their status).

Dion's position is weak in the Oriflamme imperial court—pretty sure this point isn't up for debate, since no one ever speaks up in support of him despite the obvious injustice of his ill-treatment. His degree of influence in the court is much, much, so much less than any reasonable person might expect someone who is literally Bahamut and crown prince to have. The Council of Elders and other officials stand by haplessly while he is progressively stripped of power in favour of Olivier. Nobody defends him, nobody objects. (Or maybe some did, and were eliminated.) Even Dion himself submits to the abuse despite inherently superior abilities. Career politicians know which direction the winds blow—they don't defy their Empress, meaning they are either her cronies or too fearful of her to make themselves a target by any raising any opposition. Added to that is the implication that Dion was often away for long periods—and as Xiaoshu explicitly tells Jingyan in the drama, the crown prince cannot leave the imperial capital untended because that is the surest way to lose power. Dion may be Sanbreque's mightiest weapon and revered by the populace, but in practice his political sway is almost negligible. He is not able to leverage himself effectively.

Don't get me wrong, for these reasons I extra extra love the canon portrayal of J*** obeying Joshua against her wishes and T****** obeying Dion against his wishes—I absolutely think their obedience is, to them, the truest and highest and final demonstration of their love and understanding of their respective masters. And both Joshua and Dion expected no less from them. [I've not typed the names out just in case the search function ends up capturing the post and putting it in their tags, not because I hate those characters; I just don't want to be uncivil within fandom.]

But the very point here is that, you know, sometimes you aren't supposed to leave someone just because they say so. Sometimes it is the worst possible course of action to obey someone just because they command it. Sometimes it is undesirable at best and disastrous at worst to support someone's every decision out of unchanging (if uncharitable, one might even say unthinking) loyalty. That is a fundamentally unequal relationship, and while beautiful in its own way, is also uniquely doomed. The truth is, Joshua was always going to pull that trigger, and Dion was always going to pull that trigger: the master was always going to sever the relationship. Those pairs were doomed as soon as they began, because one party can only ever say yes, and yes means the end, you see? That is The End, that is the final break. By their very subordinate nature and by their established personalities within the game, "yes" is the one and only answer J*** and T****** can ever or will ever give. Their master will say, "Leave me", meaning it is over, and they will reply, "Yes, I obey". Because this is the only answer that proves their devotion, leaving them totally incapable of changing the script. Both J*** and T****** knew it and played their parts to perfection, and my heart hurts for them.

In NIF terms, I reckon J*** is Gong Yu, and T****** is Lie Zhanying. Zhanying will follow Jingyan to the end, whatever it may be—in fact in one episode he explicitly says so, and his loyalty is never in doubt. He will go to his death if Jingyan orders it. He will always support Jingyan's decisions. He and the rest of Jingyan's men have been following Jingyan even when the prince was out of favour and cold-shouldered and constantly dispatched to safeguard the country's frontiers—inconvenient places where comfort is low and the environment harsh. Jingyan's favoured brothers live in the lap of luxury within their palaces (like Olivier), while Jingyan himself (like Dion) has always been at war. And as with Zhanying, T****** will never be able to change this status quo on behalf of Jingyan (Dion). For all his boundless dedication to his lord, Zhanying will never be able to improve his prince's standing in the court, never be able to secure more political power for his prince (unless his prince decides to revolt/coup), never be able to make his prince's father love or prize his prince.

It is not a problem of character or willpower or desire. It is, simply put, a problem of power. It is a problem of class. The servant rises as their master rises, and falls as their master falls. In other words, the servant's status is determined by their master's status. Zhanying is Jingyan's deputy. When Jingyan's status was elevated, Zhanying naturally also assumed commandership over more troop divisions because those were allocated to the prince by the Liang Emperor. (There is no doubt in my mind that T******'s status as second-in-command is because of Prince Dion. He's too young to have earned that position by gradual promotion through meritorious accomplishment. Unless you're telling me that the knights dragoon don't have a single officer above age 30.) Zhanying is invaluable to Prince Jing in security, in warcraft, and in a variety of generic daily tasks. However, he is part of the rigid imperial system and lower in the hierarchy. He may persuade his lord, but he cannot order him. He may disagree, but he cannot defy. He may privately despise the Emperor/Empress, but he cannot show it and cannot act on it (literally treason). His role is to follow and obey. If he does not perform that role for whatever reason, he fundamentally negates his utility to his lord.

Ergo, endgame Jingyan is only possible because his true equal and soulmate, his real zhiji, came back to challenge the status quo. In fact, came back to challenge him. It is not merely the fact that this person understands him above all, it is also the fact that this person has the ability to act on that understanding. Jingyan is technically also Xiaoshu's prince, master, and eventual Emperor—so where is the difference?

The difference is, Lin Shu is comparable in nobility. Lin Shu is the cousin of princes and the incumbent Emperor's nephew, Lin Shu was raised amongst the imperial household, and played and studied and fought and hung out with them as peers of roughly equal rank. In this respect Joshua actually outstrips Lin Shu: Joshua is a prince by blood, and had Rosaria not fallen (especially if Sylvestre had not risen to the throne), would have been higher status than Dion. It's a massive pet peeve of mine that so many fans in XVI fandom don't seem to realise that Joshua was crown prince? Everybody knows Dion is crown prince, but do they realise Joshua is the original? In the English version prologue, the knights do call him "prince" and "your highness". The Rosarian throne is Joshua's by right of birth. At the time of their meeting as children, Joshua outranked Dion. They were equals as Dominants of their nation, but Dion back then was the child of a Cardinal and not the child of Sanbreque's ruler at that time; i.e. he was not a prince and not in line for the Sanbrequois throne.

The other wonderful similarity is Lin Shu's and Joshua's statuses as outsiders to the system when they reintroduce themselves to Jingyan/Dion. As Jingyan's strategist, Lin Shu has more leeway with regards to making his prince listen to him and take his advice. But importantly, he is now Mei Changsu, and that means he is able to play outside of the system. The imperial system effectively cast him out when it killed him. The strict codes of imperial conduct no longer chain him as they chain those confined within its structure. As a free agent unlike Zhanying, he has the right and privilege of choosing his own master. That includes the right to leave or to change his mind. And although the prince's strategist is supposed to be subordinate too, Xiaoshu would never truly be subordinate in the same fashion no matter how many times he bows his head, because at his core he is still high nobility and it still shines through despite everything. His manners are still perfect. He still navigates life with the easy expectation that people will serve him. He grabs the Duchess' hand and yells at Prince Jing and gloats at Marquis Ning. It's all the little ways that remind the audience, over and over, that this man was raised as a posh lordling. You can remove the boy from the upper class but you can't remove the upper class from the boy. It's the same with Joshua. His manners are still court-perfect. He still moves through life accepting that he will be served. He may bow his head to Dion and call him "your highness" but he also takes the liberty of throwing himself at Dion for a hug. Because to him, the prince is not some lofty and untouchable figure to be addressed with unfailing deference, he's just a friend.

(I know T****** is minor nobility, to be honest Zhanying definitely is too. The deputies of high level royals aren't going to be commoners. But I don't think I have to explain the gulf between ruling class/a close blood relative of the monarch versus lower nobility.)

Joshua too is an outsider that isn't beholden to Sanbreque's Emperor in the way that all of Dion and his knights owe their fealty. Again in this respect Joshua has it better than Xiaoshu—Joshua is his own sovereign master, and that should impact his perspective, his sense of self, and therefore his behaviour with others and how he navigates the world.

Gong Yu... I think anyone who's watched NIF will know exactly why I say that J***'s counterpart is Gong Yu lol. I think the s/h/u/a/t/e/s want her counterpart to be Princess (Duchess) Nihuang and they certainly produce fanwork in that vein, and I respect them for it because fans be doing what they love and hooray for that. But..... she's Gong Yu.

For all these reasons I am utterly obsessed with a Joshua that pushes back at Dion. The person able to challenge the status quo and challenge Dion. An equal who listens to Dion's absurd speech in the palace at Twinside and calls utter bullshit, who says, "A matter for the imperial family? are you joking? that's my mother, that's my younger brother. an imperial matter for you to resolve? say rather, our family, OUR problem to resolve. You don't get to go off half-cooked to arrest or kill my mother without actual political strategies, notwithstanding your military capability to launch a coup. And also, what about your dad? However much I love you, my darling Dion, we have to talk about the way that you insist on poor little meow meowing your awful father because my dear old mum didn't do Phoenix Gate alone and she for sure didn't immaculately conceive Olivier."

Endgame Dion isn't satisfactory in several glaring ways and it annoys me hugely that even unto the end he never grapples with and confronts the truth of his father instead of the idealised version that lives in his head. It's a little bizarre how Dion's arc is often praised by fans, since it feels very incomplete to me. Or, well, fine, perhaps just unsatisfying (since XVI simply isn't his story). His deep-seated need to be loved by his father prevents him from seeing anything clearly, which is so ironic for the only character to possess a third eye in canon? His honour and his might have been squandered in service to a selfish, uncaring, and objectively bad monarch, yet despite how earnestly Dion wants to be a good prince to his people he seems wholly incapable of recognising this fact? His mind repeatedly shies away from his father's shortcomings. In one scene he calls his father out for words befitting a tyrant, yet ultimately he persists in the belief that his father simply needs to be saved from Anabella's evil influence as if Sylvestre Lesage isn't a 50-year-old adult man who schemed his way to the throne and killed a woman's whole family and happily married that woman to beget legitimate offspring with her.

Soooo....... I've just spoiled the whole plot of my fic but it's really just NIF nonsense as usual and that is actually extremely predictable of me. But honestly the spoiling is not a big deal, because as with NIF, fundamentally my story is not meant to be plot-twisty and suspenseful—the real storytelling skill of the NIF drama is that the audience should be able to quickly grasp the overarching plot with no difficulty because the pleasure of this particular type of story is to watch the protagonist achieve their heart's desire, step by delicious step. The objective of this type of story is to properly pay off what it promises. NIF=the wronged protagonist seeks justice. We already know Lin Shu will obtain justice by the end of the tale, what we are here to enjoy is the journey! Same really for IEM I reckon; by the end of chapter 1 Joshua's goals should be really obvious, and since my little fic will have the happy ending tag because I only ever write happy endings, the audience basically knows he'll succeed—it's very much a journey not destination kind of story.

Ooof the post is crazy long and took me 3 nights to compose an answer and I haven't even managed to go into any TGCF elements but that work mainly contributes to characterisation instead of plot. One of the craziest XVI scenes was the Hideaway's sickbay after Twinside, the genuine regret Joshua expressed and how he blamed himself for not reaching out to Dion sooner; now the Empire and her prince lie in ruins etc. Surely he remembers this is the country that destroyed his own? Surely??? What kind of person, robbed of home and throne, can find it in himself to respond with so much empathy and kindness? Sanbreque has now experienced pretty much the same tragedy they inflicted on Rosaria two decades ago, and isn't that just the funniest parody of divine retribution? Instead of viewing this as Sanbreque's just deserts, Joshua Rosfield pities them and wishes he could have helped them avert this disaster.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderfully Xie Lian-coded. Something something someone who has been through the worst and nevertheless chooses goodness and kindness. Someone who intimately understands the ugliest and lowest depths that people sink to, yet refuse to lose themselves in that temptation even when vengeance would seem perfectly justified.

You've known for a long time now that I love a Joshua who is very similar to his mother. This is why lol. It's about that delicious, delicious contrasting foil. It is the difference between Jun Wu & Xie Lian, as it is the difference between Anabella & Joshua. That the indestructible integrity we see from Xie Lian or Joshua didn't come easy, they weren't born perfect, their ethics were tested and forged and earned through suffering the likes of which most people will never know. The person that they have each become is the sum of their choices actively made. In the canon of TGCF and XVI, both of these ex-crown-princes live on in disgrace, in circumstances best described as reduced and humiliating, their respective kingdoms fallen, their wealth and glory spent—but they are better and braver human beings than everyone around them, they are beautiful and noble souls, quiet and unacknowledged, and only Hua Cheng and Dion truly see and fully understand that (and therefore cannot help but love them utterly).

I've a few more thoughts regarding Joshua swirling around as captured in other Xie Lian posts: here, here, here, and here. Not sure if you know TGCF or are into it as well, but just leaving links to those posts here for my own benefit too. I've been gravitating towards phoenixflare comparisons in various hualian meta posts since early 2024 so clearly these concepts have been stewing in my head for some duration, but I haven't fully teased out what it is about these two ships that gives me that niggling sense of connecting similarities.

^ Whereas I clearly know exactly what it is about JingSu that makes me point and holler "THEM!"

[a-concert-just-for-me]

no yeah I’m getting def getting reassessed for adhd because this ain’t it, chief

[loumauve]

I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.

(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)

[skrunksthatwunk]

peak dash tonight but i gtg do like. something productive

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Thank you for the tag Elv!! (@onlyseokmins) This was very fun lol.

Tagging without pressure: @majestyjun @seo--changbin @shuadotcom @cheolhub @jmin-s @miraclewoozi (and anyone else who'd like to tbh. I'm very sleepy so, my bad if I missed anyone off the top of my head.)

I'll attach an unedited version below the cut.

[eeunwoo]

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