#i was totally supposed to work on another creative project tonight but i decided to make myself sad instead!

[unrealwasteland]

i'm trying to start working on another lil terror post, and i thought i'd rotated this idea in my mind long enough that the actual editing part would be relatively easy, but this one hurts so much 😭 this show went so incredibly hard with some scenes holy shit

[imissjoongsmullet]

Something Better (1/2)

Pairing: Bang Chan x reader

Genre: fluff/angst (will lead to smut eventually because hi hello it’s me writing about Chan)

Summary: You and Chan have been best friends since before you can remember but now that you’re in college, things start to feel strange, especially with the way he acts when it comes to your boyfriend.

Read part 2

Warnings: part 1 of 2 (probably), cutesy friendship stuff, lots of stupid banter, bit of suggestive conversations, a good dash of angst, Changbin as your boyfriend (do you need a warning for that lol), oh and though this one is pretty clean, there will be smut in later chapters.

Word Count: 2k

Author’s Note: Ok so I’m going to try to keep this to 2 chapters but I can’t promise anything. Anyone who follows me knows I tend to get carried away it’s a thing... Also, yes, this is such a cliché trope but BOY DO I LOVE IT! Thanks again for the request. I had a great time writing this!

► 

Five minutes to four. Almost there. The old man at the front of the auditorium had been droning on about the history of bleebidiblah wherever for the past two hours and you were very much ready for it all to end and for the weekend to begin. You heard a pencil drop beside you and turned to see your friend pick it back up and place it between his upper lip and nose.

“Looking great,” you whispered, fighting back a smile.

“I know,” he snickered, making the thing drop into his lap for the dozenth time that class.

Chan was kind of an idiot. But he was also kind of your best friend. You’d grown up in the same neighborhood and had been inseparable since kindergarten. He was the first person you’d went to when you’d found out Santa wasn’t real, the first person you’d ever sneaked out of the house to go to a party with and the first person you’d ever gotten blackout drunk with; not to mention he was the only one who knew about your irrational fear of oven toasters. He knew everything about you and you knew everything about him. You were a team, tied together so much so, that you’d even decided to follow each other to the same college.

“Hey,” he nudged your shoulder, “how about we go downtown tonight and celebrate the weekend? I heard it’s prolonged happy hour at GB’s.”

The twinkle in his eyes made you want to say yes; it was a very tempting offer. “Can’t,” you replied eventually, scrunching up your nose at him.

“Come on, why not?” said Chan, leaning in and shaking your thigh, “we can go to karaoke after and you can crash at my place. I bought so many Doritos and they’re not gonna eat themselves.”

You bit your lip. “I kind of promised Changbin I’d go over tonight.” You already knew what was coming.

“Again?” he exclaimed a bit too loudly, drawing the attention of some of the other students, “you stayed over like three times this week already.” He sagged in his chair, rolling his eyes at you.

“Don’t be a child,” you retorted shoving him lightly.

That put some of his smile back in place. “You know, I think this Changbin guy isn’t the one for you,” said Chan, pretending to look pensive, “he’s got shifty looking eyes… and his nose is too big.”

You couldn’t keep from chuckling. Dipping down in your chair out of sight of your teacher, you turned to your friend. “You’re so full of shit, what does that even mean?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe he’s having evil, shifty, big-nosed plans and you don’t even know it.”

“Your nose is big too, you know?” you said, pinching his nose.

He slapped your hand away and pinched you back, which made you cry out so loud the teacher went silent, eyes in your direction. Your cheeks flushed hot but just as you were about to apologize to the entire auditorium, the bell rang, pushing everyone around you into motion.

“Oops,” said Chan, eyes full of mischief as he rose from his chair along with everyone else.

You packed your things and followed him, kicking at his heels pettily.

“Seriously though, all the staying over,” Chan went on once you were out in the packed hallway, “sure he isn’t tiring you out?” The wicked grin on his face told you exactly what he meant.

“Chan, I swear if you don’t shut up,” you started but he interrupted fast.

“I just mean, you’re a studious girl,” he explained, grabbing your shoulders and rubbing them, “you can’t have a shifty-eyed boy like him distract you from your super important studies with sexy times.”

“And you taking me out to GB’s is helping me with my studies how exactly?”

“At least I’m not trying to put my dick in you every single night.”

“Chan!” you yelled out, looking around frantically at all the other students within earshot of your conversation.

“Aww,” Chan chuckled, hugging you closer, putting his lips near your ear, “you’re so cute when you’re all flustered.”

You were extremely happy he was behind you and couldn’t see the look on your face because you were even redder than before, staring eyes-wide into space. For as close and you and Chan were, you couldn’t help but feel shy whenever he mentioned sexual stuff around you. Not that you weren’t a sexual person; you just didn’t really know how to act around him when it came to those things. It didn’t help that you felt him all over you now, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand right up.

“Listen,” you said, shrugging out of his grip and trying to compose yourself, “how about we hang out tomorrow night? I’m sure the drinks will be just as toxic and delicious then.”

He came up next to you. “Fine, but you’re buying,” he said, “you’ve been leaving me lonely far too much. I demand compensation.”

You smiled and shook your head. “Fine.”

[I’ll be there in 10]

You hurriedly typed as you left Changbin’s place. You were meeting Chan for coffee. You were supposed to work on an assignment together that afternoon but you felt more than a little distracted after the previous night hadn’t ended up as fun as you’d hoped. You didn’t even really remember how it had started but you and Changbin had gotten into an argument that had lasted for most of the night. It wasn’t anything heartbreaking; it was just frustrating that your relationship wasn’t going the way you’d imagined it. And now you’d have to face Chan and pretend everything was okay because you were far too prideful to give him the satisfaction of saying ‘I told you so’.

He was waiting at your typical spot in the back of the café, his notebook ready on the table. You were happily surprised to find him jotting things down as you walked up. When you sat down, however, you realized he’d just been doodling obscenities in the margins of his book.

“Good afternoon,” you said, closing his book and grabbing the coffee he’d ordered for you.

You felt his eyes on you as you sipped the burning hot drink. You were just waiting for it at this point.

“So,” he started, amusement dripping down his face, “how was last night?”

“Shut up,” you countered, opening up your own book and looking anywhere but at him.

You and Chan were used to working together. Chan always had problems focusing and you were always there to give him the kick in the ass he needed to get the work done. On the other hand, Chan was the one coming up with the most creative ideas for your projects so, despite your differences, you worked quite well off of each other. 

For a while, things were fine: Chan was on his second coffee and the ideas flowed generously; you just had to write them down and turn them into usable content. Things were nice and light as they should be. You took a break and ordered waffles, enjoying them without any mention of Changbin; it was great. You talked about concerts you were excited to go to together in the coming months, showed each other movie trailers of stuff you really wanted to watch together and you laughed at the absolute dumbest things. You thought perhaps it was the caffeine that was making you both so silly.

Unfortunately, after that initial boost of energy, came the inevitable crash.

By the time Chan was picking at the ice at the bottom of his empty third coffee, things were started to shift. You were trying to finish up the assignment but it was clear Chan was starting to get burnt out. Gradually, conversation trickled away from the project at hand and into less productive territory.

“What is it you like about him?” he asked, staring zombie-like into his cup.

“Not now, Chan,” you sighed, eyes on your laptop screen. You felt his fingers at your side, poking lazily.

“No, come on,” he said, voice sleepy, “I wanna know.”

You stopped typing and took a deep breath.

“He’s—” you started, trying to think of something while your head replayed how you’d argued the night before.

Chan let out a chuckle. “Yeah, he sounds great.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you groaned, a little harsher than you’d meant it, “let’s just get this done.”

But Chan didn’t let up. Your inability to define your love for Changbin had apparently made him very eager to tease you and it was getting harder and harder to ignore him.

“I bet he sleeps with his socks on,” he said, sipping his empty drink loudly, “weirdo.”

“Chan please.”

“Tell me he doesn’t.”

“Chan.”

“He totally does, doesn’t he!”

“Chan I swear if you don’t shut up I’m gonna kick you where it really hurts!”

“Fine,” he said, still laughing, putting up his hands in defense, “jeez, I was just having fun.” Then he came closer and, entirely oblivious, wrapped his arms around you tight. “No more coffee for you, it makes you mean.” He gave your temple a quick kiss and, chuckling, got up from his seat.

“Gotta pee, this coffee is going right through me, be right back.” 

It occurred to you, as you watched him walk off, how odd your relationship with Chan was. Or maybe Chan was just an odd person? Or maybe he was simply acting oddly recently? You tried to shrug off the confusing thoughts and instead opened up your phone. The last text from Changbin was right at the top. You clicked it and smiled, rereading the sweet message he’d sent you the day before. You should probably make up with him soon, you decided.

After another half hour of half-assed adjustments, you and Chan finally called it a day.

“If you could input your slides right after mine, I’ll do the touch ups and bring it all to class,” you said, staring at your laptop screen, “we should probably go over it together the day before though.”

Chan’s face was in his arms on the table, looking drowsy. “Yeah, sounds good,” he mumbled, “I’ll type them out by Monday, we’ve got most of the stuff down already, it shouldn’t be hard.”

“Good,” you nodded, finally letting yourself sit back and relax. You closed your eyes in a long yawn as you stretched out your arms. When you opened them again Chan was looking at you.

“Tired huh?” he said, his lips curling up into a knowing smirk.

You stared back at your friend blankly. “You know what? Yes, I am actually. I stayed up most of the night.”

His eyebrows rose up in surprise but he didn’t speak.

“And that’s all I’m gonna say on the matter so can we please wrap this up now?” you added, “I think I should go see Changbin later tonight cause��� well, we just have some things to discuss.”

“Wait, hold up,” said Chan, straightening up beside you and, finally, all laughter was wiped from his face, “I thought we were going out tonight.”

The memory of your promise hit you, throwing a small dose of guilt over your head. “I’m sorry, Chan, really. I just got some things to do—”

“Some things to do?” he interrupted, now definitely irritated, “you’re gonna ditch your best friend for some mediocre sex?”

“Chan that’s not what this is,” you started but you knew you’d set him off and there was no going back.

“Whatever,” he snapped, “it’s fine I’ll call some people who actually wanna hang out—”

“Chan—” you tried, shocked at the rapidity with which his mood had switched.

“—instead of someone who’ll leave me for the first boy to give her the least bit of attention—”

“Hey!” you said, getting up from your seat, heating up from the sting of his words.

Chan got up as well, the look in his eyes pained. “I said it’s fine,” he repeated, placing some money on the table and walking out.

(part 2)

[faulty-writes]

Forgive me for what I'm about to type, but... A college AU where Mirio is volunteered in an art class to pose as a nude model, probably because of his quirk and that he has NO SHAME LEFT in his body. But then he finds out that his fem crush, is going to be the one drawing him. He's been given total artistic freedom, so his poses shift from being dramatic or silly to being more... sensual, the longer he's there. Not really NSFW, just... really suggestive. With some fluff, because it is MIRIO here

[ I fully believe Mirio has no shame when it comes to being nude, not that I’m complaining. Haha. ] 

“Hm?” his eyebrows raised in surprise. “An art class?” he questioned and you nodded, though you decided you weren’t going to tell him that you were one of the artists in the class. Believing that if you did, he would refuse what you were about to ask. “Yeah and I know that ...some of the students in the class are …” you tapped your chin, trying to think of the right word to use, “struggling with finding creative ways to project their art and some of them were talking about using a model.” his eyes lit up. “A model?!” there was clear excitement in his voice.

You chuckled, “Yes, a model. But there’s a catch …” you said and he tilted his head, “What’s the catch? Doesn’t matter to me, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help others!” he declared as he pointed at himself and you nodded, “Yes, I know.” you said before taking a deep breath. You were a little nervous to tell him, but you had promised you would get Mirio to be the nude model for your art class. “Um …” you felt your cheeks flush and you reached up to play with a piece of your hair, wrapping a strand around your finger. “Well ...um, given your quirk and ...the fact that you um, are more used to uh, feeling the breeze between your legs.” you used air quotations when you said the word “breeze” before continuing. 

“The art class thought you’d make the perfect nude model and I know that’s weird to ask,” you saw his confused expression. “But it would help the students so much, so please ...will you at least try?” you questioned, your hands folding together and a pout on your lips. Truthfully, the adorable way you looked made his heart race. He happened to like you a lot and he couldn’t really refuse your request, what kind of person would he be if he didn’t help you out? So, he smiled and pulled you close. “I’d love to! After all, it’ll help those art students right?” you chuckled, feeling your cheeks warm up.

“Oh yeah! I’ll owe you big time for this Mirio,” you said and he laughed before releasing you. “No need to owe me anything, I’m just happy to help. When is the first class?” he questioned and you thought for a moment, “It’s at 5 PM tonight. It lasts for about two hours. You still up for it?” you questioned and watched him smile, “You bet!” he said, giving a thumbs up which made you laugh. “Well thanks, this college wouldn’t be the same without you!” After all, it wasn’t every day a great hero like Mirio walked through the halls and to be so kind and amazing on top of that. It was a win-win.

You walked away, your heart racing as you thought about the art class and how Mirio would react when he saw you or how you’d react when you saw him. But you knew that was silly, this was Mirio here. There was no reason to be ashamed or even possibly aroused in the name of art, right? Guess you’d find out. When 5 PM came around, you gathered your art supplies and left your dorm. Your art class wasn’t required, it was more like a club activity after school and you were happy that you could unleash your creativity somehow. When you walked into the classroom, you could hear the chatter between the art students.

Most of them seemed to be flaunting over Mirio and you turned your head, your heart nearly stopping as you saw him in all his nude glory. But he didn’t seem ashamed, in fact, he had a smile on his face as he stood there. Deciding to strike a more heroic pose and your eyes couldn’t help but scan every inch of his body, without those clothes you could see every bit of muscle he had. The curves of his body and even the small bushel of hair that rested just above his V-line. It matched the exact color of his hair and you hadn’t realized your jaw was dropped until Mirio jumped, surprised to see you.

“Oh wow …” he said before dropping his pose, the class hadn’t started yet so he walked over to you. “I didn’t know you were an artist, y/n! That’s so cool!” although he was happy, he also felt a little nervous knowing that you’d be drawing him. But he would try his best to give you something to work with, even though he had butterflies in his stomach. You blushed, averting your gaze though you couldn’t help but take a few innocent looks. God, he was beautiful. “Uh ...y-yeah, it’s one of my ...creative outlets,” you explained before placing your sketchpad and drawing supplies onto the easel.

“Oh ...that's amazing! Well, I’ll try to be a good model. Any advice?” he asked and you shyly glanced at him as you took your seat. “Um, well just be yourself. As long as you’re posing, there’s nothing to worry about,” you said, noticing that class was about to start. Everyone had taken their positions in front of their easels and most of them had their drawing pencils ready. You turned to Mirio, trying to focus on his face. “You better get to posing.” you said and Mirio smiled, “Oh sure thing, sunshine!” he chuckled before walking to the center of the room. You swallowed as you began to sketch his outline.

Much like before he had chosen to do a heroic pose, his arms flexed up and his body was turned to the side. One leg was stretched over, making his thigh and backside very noticeable. You were almost thankful that he had chosen that position, given you couldn’t see his lower regions. You concentrated on breathing as you continued to draw him, after which you added the details. The muscle lines and small features of his skin and hair. The final thing you added was the shading and some of the background that surrounded him. All in all, it turned out pretty good but you almost felt bad when the session ended and Mirio got dressed again.

Complaining that while it was fun to pose, his body got stiff. You only chuckled in response, “Well better get used to it, you have another session tomorrow.” you said before packing up your pencils. You picked up your sketch pad only to have Mirio look over your shoulder. “Wow!” he said, “You’re pretty good, is that what I really look like?” he questioned, taking in the detail of your sketch. But you shrugged, “I suppose. Everyone had their own style of art though. So while mine may look similar to the others, there’s always that personal touch that adds something special to it.” you explained as Mirio smiled. “Well, is it too much to say I like your style the best?” he questioned and you chuckled softly.

“No, but you might want to look at the other drawings before you say that,” you said before turning away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I can’t wait to see what pose you choose.'' Of course, you knew that you’d eventually get distracted by Mirio’s body. Despite knowing that such a thing was technically wrong, you couldn’t help yourself. He was attractive, even as an art model. It was clear you weren’t the only one that looked at him as something beyond that, but perhaps finding some pleasure within your art wasn’t so bad. Either way, you were looking forward to the next day.

When 5 PM came, you had arrived for your art class a little late. Mirio was already posing and you nearly fainted at the sight of him. He was facing the doorway, the one you had just walked through and his stare was directed straight at you. You almost wanted to smack that smile off his face as he playfully winked at you. He was laying down on his side, his elbow bent to support his head, and while his legs were closed. You could clearly still make out his well ...as he liked to call it, willy in all its glory. You looked up at the ceiling, your shoulders hunched. “It’s just an art class ...just an art class,” you repeat to yourself before setting up your easel and getting to work.

Though sketching out his upper body was no problem, even with your flushed cheeks. It was the lower half that distracted you as you hadn’t really practiced much with drawing the human anatomy, but this was Mirio here. So with that thought in mind, you pushed past your feelings and finished your sketch. Almost grateful when the art class was over, though you refused to show Mirio your drawing and he, in turn, teased you about blushing. Damn him. “P-Pick a less ....suggestive position next time!” you stuttered before leaving the classroom, silently cursing yourself and Mirio out.

The following day it was worse, when you had told Mirio to pick out a less suggestive position, you hadn’t thought you’d be drawing him in stages. Someone suggested sketching the model in motion, which involved Mirio rolling over. Given it was good practice, drawing different positions in one essential sketch. You weren’t sure if you should curse or congratulate the person on their wonderful suggestion. Now instead of the front, you were drawing the back of Mirio and that luscious backside he happened to have. It was strange to be staring at it for as long as you did before actually drawing it. But, as you thought before. Sometimes there's a pleasure in art.

On the fourth day, you were somewhat dreading what position he’d make. Your face flushed just thinking about it and you had your head down as you entered the classroom. You immediately heard giggling and your head snapped up, your jaw dropped at the sight of Mirio. He was propped up on his knees but his thighs were spread. Leaving all his lower region ...hanging out, for a lack of better words. He was leaning back slightly with one hand pressed against his chest and the other was stretched out toward you. His fingers spread out and palm facing up as if he were waiting for you to grab his hand.

Damn ...he looked ...you shook your head, trying to keep only artistic thoughts in your mind. Though one thing was for sure, Mirio almost seemed to be teasing you with these positions, and in a way, it was beginning to bother you. Your face only darkened in color when you sat down and Mirio’s eyes followed you. You shyly looked at the blond who gave you a playful wink in return. You squeaked and decided to hide behind your sketchpad, slightly thankful it was a little bigger than the easel. Though you could still feel his stare and proceeded to curse him out under your breath.

When the end of the week came, you must have missed the memo that the art class had been canceled at the last moment because when you entered the room, it was empty. Apart from Mirio who was already out of his clothes, he reached up scratching the back of his head before he noticed you. “Oh, hey y/n!” he said as he ran over and you averted your eyes, trying to make sure they didn’t look down at Mirio’s glory. “No one else is here, pretty weird huh?” he said with a laugh and you shrugged, taking a deep breath. Your cheeks were beginning to feel warm, guess that was the power of nudity.

“Uh ...I-I’m not too sure, maybe we should ...j-just leave?” you questioned, nearly squeaking when Mirio’s arm came to rest around your shoulders. Though you tried to dig your feet into the ground and prevent him from moving you. It was of little use as he pulled you close anyway. “No way! That wouldn’t be right! I want you to practice your art! It’s super good and well, I did say I’d be your art model. So it’d be pretty rude of me to break my word.” he pointed out, though you wanted to mention you didn’t request him as your specific model. You didn’t see much of a point trying to argue with the man.

You swallowed, your mouth suddenly feeling dry as you glanced around the classroom. “Um …” Mirio gently rubbed your shoulder, waiting for your response as you cradled your sketchpad to your chest. “I uh, g-guess that’d be fine. Um, I c-can sketch you if you w-want,” you said, looking down in an effort to hide your blush. But Mirio didn’t seem to notice or care because he removed his arm with a bright grin on his face. “I was hoping you’d say that sunshine! Come on!” he insisted as he grabbed your hand and enthusiastically dragged you over to a large mirror. “Huh?” you blinked as Mirio then brought over a chair.

“What are you up?” you questioned, narrowing your eyes but Mirio only smiled and walked over to grab the nearest easel. You stepped out of the way as he placed it next to the chair. “Here, you can put your sketchpad here.” he insisted and though you protested, he took it and placed it on the easel anyway. You huffed and placed your hands on your hips. “Mirio …” you said, almost sounding as though you were scolding him and maybe in a sense you were. But he only smiled and grabbed your hand, “Come on.” he insisted as he took his seat and pulled your hand. “Uh …” your eyes widened as you got the hint of what he wanted.

“M-Mirio I don’t know about-” you could barely finish your sentence before letting out a cry as Mirio pulled you forward. You squeaked when you felt him grab your leg and lift it up, stretching it over his lap. Then he placed his hands on your hips, applying pressure to make you sit down. Your face immediately lit up as you found yourself somewhat in his lap. You were sitting on his thighs, just inches away from his willy. You partly wondered if he did that on purpose, though that smile on his face said it all. He meant to do this, damn him. “You know I’ve always liked you right?” he said and the confession made you jump.

“Uh w-what?” you questioned, wondering just how hot your face could get before passing out. But Mirio nodded, “Yeah, it’s kind of funny. I never thought I’d get an opportunity like this and I kind of don’t want to let you go, is that weird?” he questioned before his hearty laugh came. “Of course, I wouldn’t force anything on you. Believe me, I’m not that type of guy, I’m just happy being close to you. Hugging you and well, having you on my lap is a little bonus.” he said, sounding as chipper as ever. Though you thought it was a strange time for him to confess his feelings, your thoughts were shattered when he dragged the easel closer.

“Hm?” your head turned before Mirio handed you a charcoal stick. You blinked and slowly took it, piecing together what he wanted. “Wait ...you want ...me to draw us?” you questioned, here you were in an empty classroom. Sitting on Mirio’s lap while he sat on a chair naked. Nothing wrong with that right? Mirio smiled and reached up to run his fingers through your hair. “Yeah! After all, you probably have so many sketches of me. So why not one together?” you swallowed and looked at the mirror, your own flushed face staring back at you.

You let out a sigh, trying to will your cheeks to cool down. “I mean I …” you hadn’t actually practiced sketching yourself, but you couldn’t exactly avoid doing it now. You gasped when you felt his arm around your waist, his face resting just above your chest. Nuzzling into the small amount of exposed skin you had, damn low cut shirts. You hoped he wouldn’t hear the sound of your rapid heartbeat, “Yes?” Mirio questioned, smiling up at you before you swallowed, trying to moisten your dry mouth. “I ...I suppose I can give it a shot,” you said before looking at the mirror and beginning to draw the outline of both Mirio and yourself.

Maybe this is what you deserved for choosing Mirio Togata as your art model, maybe next time you’d be more careful. But by the end of the rather awkward art session, your sketch had turned out better than you expected and it was partly thanks to Mirio. “Wow! See? Don’t we look perfect together?” he questioned as he loomed over your shoulder. You couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah ...I guess we do.” you replied before turning to face him, thankful that he had decided to put his clothes back on. “Thank you Mirio, I owe you a lot,” After all, he had made your art class interesting.

“Well, I’m just happy to help,” he said before tapping his chin, his smile fading. “Though, if you really think you owe me. I can think of something I want as a favor, that is if you’re okay with it,” he said and you perked up a bit. “What is it?” you questioned, taking a step closer, and once more he smiled. “Well …” he began as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “I already said how I feel, so ...how about another art session, but make it a date?” you blinked, well that certainly wasn’t what you were expecting but somehow, you giggled.

“Okay, an art date it is.” he grinned, “Thank you, sunshine!” he said and you squealed as his arms wrapped around you, lifting you off the ground in a playful hug. Who would have thought a simple question would have led you here, but you couldn’t complain. You got both the guy and the art, each one seeming to complete your world in different ways.

[ellixthea]

Mutual - Henry Cavill

A/N: it wasn’t supposed to be that long but I couldn’t help myself haha. Hope you like it!

Taglist: @peeyewpeeyew​ @whatifismile​ @mylifefallingupthestairs @mary-ann84​ 

“Let me add a little bit of highlighter and you'll be good.” the make up artist and also now your friend told you before finishing your look for the night. You've been working in the cinema industry for a few years now as a screewriter. You were passionate about writing since high school and cinema since a young age thanks to your dad so naturally, becoming a screenwriter was a goal that you achieved proudly. The demands for your writing and your creativity becoming more and more important, your lastest projects were only big productions and you were happy about it.

The past year, you have been working on the lastest Mission Impossible. You were in charge of the screenplay along another screenwriter named Nate. When the script was accepted, the director wanted both of you on set to have your opinion about the scenes. As being on set during the whole shooting of the movie, you have met a huge part of the cast, including Henry Cavill. You had never worked with him before and when you saw him for the first time, you didn't expect him to be that big and impressive. You even felt shy when you were around him and it didn't happen for a while. As the months pasted, you got closer to most of the cast but especially with Henry. The two of you could talk for hours without getting bored. With time, you realised that you were starting to feel something more than just frienship for him which annoyed you. You also told yourself to never get feelings for someone you would work wih but cleary you couldn't control it. You could feel butterflies when he would come close to you and when he would touch you, you would totally lost it. Sometimes on set, you would catch him glance at you and immediately looked away. You decided to think that you were making up things.

You were getting ready for the premiere of the movie. You would not make an appearance on the red carpet but you would see the movie and then go to the after party with the rest of the cast.  As your make up was done, you did a sophisticated bun and put on a beautiful, long and close to the skin black dress with black high heels. By the look of your friend on her face, you were breathtaking.

Once you arrived at the premiere, since you didn't appear on the movie, you would directly be set at the end of the red carpet, away from the camera but still able to watch your friends walking on it. You were cheering them when you saw Henry and you immediately stopped. He was looking gorgeous. His hair, his suit, everything was on point. He was posing with his co-stars, walking along the red carpet, doing intervews when he finally reached where you were. “Y/N! I'm so happy to see you!” Henry said while opening his arms to give you a warm hug. “Me too!” you replied smiling to your cheeks. The both of you looked at each other for what felt like hours before Hnery spoke again. “You look incredibly beautiful tonight Y/N” he looked at your from head to toes, and you even caught him biting his bottom lip. “Thank you, you look great as well.” you replied smirking.It felt like there was nobody around you anymore but the two of you. An assistant brought you out of your world when she told you that the movie would start soon.

After the premiere came to an end, the whole crew was on the way to the after party. You arrived in a very fancy place. You didn't arrive at the same time as the cast so you tried to make yourself confortable and grabbed a glass of champagne and you started to chat with some people around you. The place was getting more and more crowed. You would look around to see if you would see Henry but he was nowhere to be found. A few moment later, you spotted him, talking with a group a people, including two beautiful women that you had never seen before. You felt a pain in your heart as you saw him laugh with one of them. You tried to ignore it and went to grab something to eat when the director of the movie came to you. “Y/N! I'm so happy with what the movie looks like! Your writing is amazing!” “Oh wow! Thank you but you directed it, you're the reason why the movie looks that good!” You replied, taking a sip of your drink. The two of you kept talking for a while. You kept looking at Henry and you would caught him also looking at you. You could see in his eyes that he was looking at you with desire, even with lust which was such a turn on. When you were done talking with the director, you were alone and that was when you felt a presence behind you. Henry. You turned around and his bright blue eyes immendiately locked with yours. “Do you mind if we go outside?” He asked you, in his british accent that you always loved. “Sure!” You replied and soon the both of you were standing in a sort of garden, with some white lights hanging up between trees. A few people where also there, getting some fresh air. “The movie is great! We all did a good job.” You started, trying to avoid any awkward situation. “I'm not here to talk about the movie.” Henry replied to you, which you didn't expect. “Oh well then, what did you want to talk about?” You asked innocently even though you hoped he would bring out what is happening between the two of you. “I don't know what you have done to me but since the first time I've met you, you're always on my mind.” You were speechless at his words even though you felt the same way. You just thought it was impossible for him to feel the same. “I'd be lying if I'd tell it's not happening to me as well.” You replied, feeling your cheeks getting red. Henry got closer to you and you felt your heart beating faster. “I just want to be by your side, take care of yourself, buy you flowers, make you laugh, wake up next to you, be with you.” By the end of his sentence, you could feel tears growing but did everything you could not to let them fall. “Wow Henry, nobody has even said that to me.” “Well, they couldn't see how amazing you are.” You stared at him in awe. “My feelings for you have been growing with time and I know that I want to share my life with you.” You said, carressing his cheeks. “I'd be happy to do it.” Henry replied and at the end of his sentence, he grabbed your face and kissed you passionnaly as if he has been waititng for this for a long time.

[writing-for-amusement]

How Long?

Summary: You were a weapons expert and creator for Kingsmen and you’d been working yourself to the bone since the Golden Circle was disbanded. Eggsy Unwin, your close friend and crush that you refused to acknowledge, notices that you’re exhausted. You dismiss his offer to help you relax, but after he tucks you into bed after you fell asleep in your workshop, some feelings come out that you weren’t expecting.

A/N: Alright, mthfckers, I finished it! With all the stuff in my brain, I finally managed to get it all out on the page! I hope you like it, and this is my first time posting smut, so PLEASE tell me what you think of it!

Warnings: some angst, insecurity, canon divergence from Kingsmen: The Golden Circle, some alcohol, Eggsy being a bit of a dick for awhile, SMUT (do NOT read if you’re under 18), oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it b4 you tap it), vaginal sex, lots of kissing and fluff, dirty talk, swearing

Word Count: 6730

Permanent Taglist: @pparkerwrites​, @jordyns-library​, @natblidaclexa​, @peterseuphoria​, @lesbian-x-blackwidow​, @beccaboo929​, @softrdj​, @icecoldban​

“What’s a gorgeous girl like you doing in a place like this?” a familiar voice rang in your ear. You rolled your eyes as you turned around to be met with hazel green eyes.

“Working, Eggsy,” you shot back with a raised brow.

“C’mon, love, no need to be so coarse,” he smirked at you.

“Yeah, there is, because I know you’re just here to bug me instead of letting me actually get some work done,” you scoffed with another eyeroll.

You designed and created weapons/armor for the Kingsmen, and ever since the merger with the Statesmen, your work was now even more worldwide than before. Designing and creating weapons ran in your family; your family had been doing this exact job for the Kingsmen since the organization was founded.

You loved creating something from nothing, and then figuring out how to incorporate it into the style and espionage of the Kingsmen. It stimulated your brain perfectly, combining both creative and technical techniques. Testing the weapons was quite entertaining as well.

It was true what they said about loving your job and never working a day in your life, or at least it was true for you.

Eggsy, though, was the one part of your job that made you dread going to work on occasion. He loved to bug you with annoying and needless questions.

It hadn’t always been like this, though. When Eggsy first became a Kingsman, you were still in your “apprenticeship” with your family and several master craftsmen. Your post was already guaranteed with the secret organization, but due to a minor accident from your youth, your actual apprenticeship started a year late.

Of course, you’d been creating things since before you could speak in full-fledged sentences, but the rules had to be followed.

So, Eggsy had been a Kingsman for six months when you finally arrived to begin your actual job. He’d already used a few of your weapons and had no idea what your job was supposed to be when Merlin introduced you.

“So, uh, who are you? Too lovely to be a Kingsman, ain’t ya?” he’d asked you.

Your ears burned but you kept your cool. You’d always been better with technology than people. “I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself. “I create the weapons.”

“Oh really?” he asked with a smirk. You nodded. “Well, quite a talented lovely thing, aren’t ya? I’m surprised, though, ‘cause I thought that our current guy, Greg, was too young to retire or whateva.”

“That’s my uncle,” you said. “He’s 68, Mr. Unwin. He doesn’t look it, but he is.”

“So, why’d you get the job?” he then asked with narrowed eyes.

“Their family has been designing and creating our weapons since the organization began, Eggsy,” Merlin stepped in. “They are incredibly talented with technology and creativity. Y/N is especially talented; probably the most talented yet.”

“Oh, Merlin, you exaggerate,” you laughed, bumping his shoulder slightly. “Always been one for dramatics, of course.”

“Well, I look forward to usin’ your creations, Y/N,” Eggsy said with a grin. “You goin’ to the bar for the agent party?”

“Yeah,” you said with a small sigh, “I have to.”

“Oh, it won’t be that bad, Y/N!” Merlin reassured you.

“Not a fan of parties, eh?” Eggsy asked rhetorically. “Stick with me, love, and you’ll be fine. I’ll see you at the party tomorrow,” he winked as he strode away.

At the party, you were surprised to see Eggsy flirting with you. You flirted back to the best of your abilities, though most of it was you looking away sheepishly and trying to keep your heartrate down.

It continued like that for several weeks and a handful of parties. You got close to Eggsy, at least as friends, and he continued to flirt with you. His winks would make your heart skip happily, and his pet names made your soul soar. You’d never been around anyone quite like Eggsy.

One day, though, it all went crashing down.

Eggsy invited you and Merlin out to a club to unwind after a particularly tense mission. You always worked backup for Merlin during missions that would be difficult. That one had everyone on the edge of their seats and hoping everything would work out smoothly.

At the club, Eggsy handed you your favorite drink with a wink, then went off to find the friends he’d invited. Merlin was off talking to a handsome man, but Eggsy promised that he’d be right back to “give you all his attention.” And you believed him, because he had never given you a reason to doubt him.

You waited patiently for Eggsy to return, sipping slowly on your drink as you blended into the crowd like you always did. As you waited, you’d typed a few ideas for more tech on your phone. When you heard Eggsy’s bright laugh, you turned with hope in your eyes.

The hope quickly died.

Eggsy was wrapped around an incredibly leggy, thin woman, mouthing at her neck as she ran her hands through his hair. The man straightened as they reached the bar, ordering a few drinks. It was then that you saw his friends had followed behind him. You decided to watch for a few more minutes before you’d make your exit.

After the woman shouted about going to the bathroom, Eggsy’s friend Jamal began to shout as well. You were glad you’d worn your “secret ears” that allowed you to listen to conversations that were far away. They also allowed you to filter out noises and hone in on the conversation you wanted; these were a new prototype and you had known tonight would be a good opportunity to test them more.

“Eggsy,” Jamal began, “what about that one girl you’ve been workin’ with? Thought you had a thing for her, with how you talk about her.”

“Ya mean Y/N?” Eggsy waved the man off as he downed a shot. “She’s not the type for some fun, ya know? Realized tha’ when I saw her earlier, covered in oil from a project.”

The men laughed as your eyes misted over with tears.

Eggsy had only been nice and had flirted with you because he wanted some “fun,” not because he saw you as a friend or potential girlfriend.

You’d left the club immediately after that, refusing to cry as you made your way home. To your happiness, you didn’t cry about the deception at all. You had been deceived before, so your recovery from this one was short.

Eggsy continued to be nice to you at work, but you stopped attempting to flirt back. Instead, you would do your best to keep all conversations professional, to a spine-straightening point. Eventually, he stopped attempting to flirt so much, and you allowed a few nonprofessional conversations until you both became genuine friends.

Still, sometimes you’d think about his deception and your heart would ache. And sometimes, well, you really were infatuated with him. As much as you hated it and tried to push it away, you had a crush on the handsome, sweet agent.

Even though you were friends now, with your crush always pushed away, sometimes you really couldn’t handle him in your space. It was certainly one of those days.

“Why, Y/N, I would never distract you from your work, certainly not on purpose!” Eggsy said dramatically.

With another roll of your eyes, you picked up your blowtorch. You lowered your goggles down over your eyes again and began to solder the metal carefully.

“Y/N,” Eggsy repeated your name. When you didn’t answer, he repeated your name until you couldn’t take it anymore.

You whirled around with your blowtorch still on, glaring at him through your tinted goggles. “What?” you growled menacingly.

Eggsy flinched in surprise, not used to seeing you look so threatening. “I, uh, I was wondering if you’d go over some things from the previous mission with me?”

You narrowed your eyes and he quickly waved his tablet at you. Ever since the majority of the organization had been lost due to the Golden Circle, you were taking on many more responsibilities. Merlin, now in a wheelchair, was focused on recruiting new agents with Harry, who had adopted the pseudonym Lancelot, allowing Eggsy to remain Galahad.

“Fine,” you sighed heavily, “just let me finish this prototype. Okay? And don’t bug me or I’ll melt those lips right off your face.”

“Right,” Eggsy seemed to believe your threat, turning away and allowing you to finish what you were doing.

You were trying to develop working legs for Merlin, but he didn’t want any like Gazelle’s, or the kind of prosthesis Charlie had for his arm. Merlin wanted legs that were sophisticated and functional as actual legs, not weapons. He refused to go back out into the field, no matter the circumstance, stating that he was much too old now. You knew that it was total garbage, but you couldn’t blame him. And, well, he really did love to be working behind the scenes; it was what he was best at.

“Okay,” you announced as you pushed your goggles onto your forehead and pulled off your gloves. You removed your apron and tossed it on the table before crossing over to Eggsy. The man gave you a small smile, noticing your overall tense posture.

“When was the last time you got laid, Y/N?” he asked you suddenly.

You looked at him sharply in shock. “Excuse me?”

“When did you last get some, Y/N?” he chuckled. “Like, when was the last time you orgasmed? Or had someone rock your world?”

You rolled your eyes again and calmed your heartrate as you snatched the tablet from his hands. As you scanned the electronic paperwork, you could feel Eggsy’s eyes burning into the side of your face.

“I’ll take your silence as you saying that it’s been awhile,” he smirked at you.

“It’s none of your business,” you snapped, shoving the tablet back at him. “Your paperwork looks fine; everything looks in order. I signed it. Now let me get back to these damn legs, alright?”

You put your goggles back on as you sat down, making them focus on the wiring you had in front of you, making sure to turn off the tint of the goggles. You grasped your tweezers in steady hands as you got back to work.

“You know, Y/N,” Eggsy’s smooth voice interrupted your journey to your working zone, “I could help out with that orgasm problem ya have.” He was leaning on your table and looking down at you with unreadable green eyes.

You scowled at him. “Nice offer, Eggsy,” you drawled, “but I’m fine. Now please leave, I really do need to focus on this work.”

Eggsy stared at you for a few more moments before nodding. “Alright, love, sorry for disrupting ya. Make sure ya get some rest tonight, okay? You need it.”

“I will, Eggsy,” you said as genuinely as you could.

The agent smiled at you tenderly and pressed a kiss to your forehead like he often did when you were stressed. As soon as he left, the door closing behind him, you let your head fall into your hands.

You really were tired. You’d been putting in way too many hours, but no one knew about it, and your skills were needed. No one knew that you were staying well into the night in your workshop, sometimes even sleeping on a cot in the corner. Not even Merlin or Harry knew, being much too busy with waves of recruits.

You yanked your goggles down around your neck and rubbed your tired eyes. After a mental debate about whether or not to think about Eggsy and his stupid offer, you heaved a deep sigh. He had been right, of course, but he didn’t need the ego boost of knowing that for sure. You’d never been a horny person, not really. Sure, sex was nice, but it wasn’t like you needed it or craved it, not the way Eggsy seemed to.

After a few moments of irritated thoughts running through your head, you pulled your goggles back up and got back to work.

 You were woken up by the feeling of being in the air. As you opened drowsy eyes, you saw Eggsy above you and looking forward stoically.

“Eggsy?” you mumbled while you rubbed the blurriness from your eyes. “What’s goin’ on? What time is it?”

“It’s two a.m., Y/N,” he sighed as he looked down at you. “I had a feeling that you weren’t going to go home tonight, so I came to check on ya. Lo and behold, I find you asleep on your desk, goggles still on and still holding those tweezers.” He chuckled at the memory. “So, I figured I’d take you to an actual bed so you could get some actual sleep.”

“How are we moving?” you asked as a yawn graced your face.

“Uh, I’m carryin’ you, love,” he raised a brow at you.

“Huh? How? I weigh so much more than you.”

“You’re not as heavy as you think,” he rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’m an agent, I work out all the time. But really, you’re not as heavy as you seem to think.”

You huffed but found yourself too sleepy to argue. The sleepiness was taking over as you nuzzled into Eggsy’s chest, drifting back into a light slumber.

When Eggsy gently lowered you onto your bed in the residential area of headquarters, you woke up again. Your sleepy mind registered the man taking off your shoes and socks, then tucking you in. He even went so far as to plug in your phone for you.

You reached out and tugged on his pinky as he looked around the room. His green eyes looked down at you and you smiled at him sleepily. “Thanks, Eggsy,” you mumbled, “you’re a good person. Even if,” you paused to yawn, “you annoy me on purpose.”

Eggsy chuckled and ruffled your hair. As you drifted off to sleep, your mind barely registered the man kissing your forehead and whispering, “I love you, Y/N.”

 You woke up with a start, not quite realizing where you were. As you looked around and saw familiar furnishings, you knew you were in your room at headquarters. You rarely used the room, though, even though you often slept at headquarters.

A light snore drew your eyes to the corner of the room, where Eggsy was sleeping on the recliner. His hat was over his eyes and his shoes were next to the chair.

You ran your hand over your face and over the top of your head, managing to smooth it down a bit. After checking the time and realizing you’d slept a full eight hours, you swung your legs over the side of the beg and crossed to Eggsy.

“Eggsy,” you gently shook his shoulder. “Eggsy,” you sang gently, a tender smile on your lips. “C’mon, Unwin, time to wake up.”

The man grumbled and you snatched the hat from its spot over his eyes. “Ugh, bright!” he complained, throwing his arm over his face. “Y/N,” he whined.

“C’mon, Eggsy, you gotta wake up,” you chuckled. “It’s like 10:30 in the morning.”

He was suddenly scrambling to sit up properly, his eyes wide. The panicked green looked at you and calmed ever so slightly, but then he demanded, “What day is it?”

“Um, Saturday?” you answered hesitantly. After a quick check of your phone, you nodded and repeated, “Saturday.”

Eggsy let out a deep sigh of relief and leaned back into the recliner. “Thank goodness,” he breathed. “You have no idea how happy I am to not be hungover on a Saturday… though I guess I have you to thank for that.”

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come check on me,” you muttered bitterly.

“I wanted to,” Eggsy informed you with a tone that said it should be obvious. “I was worried about you, Y/N. You really have been stressed lately. I should’ve noticed sooner. Hell, I didn’t even see that cot you’ve been sleeping on in the workshop until last night.”

“Oh, I have?” you asked innocently as you pulled a clean shirt out of the closet.

“You’ve been so incredibly tense, Y/N,” Eggsy stated.

“I guess you’re right,” you shrugged as you bent to look through your pile of old leggings at the bottom of your closet. You wanted to get out of the ones you were in.

Eggsy was right behind you as you straightened. His eyes were dark with an unreadable expression, and it made you shiver in a surprisingly delicious way.

“You know, I was serious when I said I could help you relax, Y/N,” he nearly purred in a low voice. “I could help you, if you let me.”

You felt arousal and indignation rise in your chest and you found yourself whirling around to poke him in the chest in anger. “You don’t know what I need,” you nearly hissed. “And I know you weren’t serious. Now please, step aside so I can shower.”

Eggsy looked hurt and didn’t move from his spot. “How would you know if I’m serious or not? I am, by the way, but why would you think I’m not?”

You sighed and felt the anger ebb towards the same accepting sadness that you’d felt ever since that night in the club. Still, you rustled up enough frustration to sneer, “Because I’m not the type for ‘some fun,’ Eggsy.” You pushed past his broad form and started towards the bathroom with your clothes.

Eggsy’s rough but warm and gentle hand grabbed your wrist to pull you to a stop. “Y/N, what are you talking about?” he asked with genuine confusion.

Your previously buried emotions burst out of their graves with a vengeance and your eyes began to mist with long-retired tears. “I heard you that night, Eggsy. After the Norway mission, at the club, I heard you say that you knew I wasn’t the type for ‘some fun.’ You almost literally said that I wasn’t worth spending time with because I’m not a thin, leggy, properly proportioned thing. So, that is how I know you’re not serious. I’m not your type, Eggsy. I get it. I just hate,” you angrily wiped at a steamy tear that escaped, “that you pretended to be nice to me because you wanted to see if I was worth the effort.”

You yanked your wrist from his grasp and let your clothes fall to the floor as you angrily wiped at the tears that were performing a prison break. Huffing incoherent curses at yourself, you whirled around from Eggsy and rubbed at your face.

“Stupid fucking emotions, fucking face, stupid fucking eyes and chemicals, stupid motherfucking Y/N,” you viciously spat to yourself under your breath.

“The Norway… but that was nearly two years ago, Y/N!”

“I am aware,” you hissed back.

“And… that’s why you became so distant after that.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and tried to shrink into yourself. “It’s whatever, Eggsy. I know the truth and I’ve accepted it.”

“But you didn’t hear the rest of that conversation,” Eggsy said gently, taking one of the hands that was scrubbing at your face angrily.

“It doesn’t matter, Eggsy,” you tried to tug your hand away, but he held fast.

Eggsy pulled you to the bed and sat you both down on the edge of it. He laced your hands together and you didn’t know what to do.

“That night,” he began quietly, “I decided that you weren’t made for fun, Y/N. You were made for the long haul, to be wooed and swept off your feet, to be loved for who you are. You aren’t made to be tossed aside or ignored after one night. And after you disappeared that night, well, I realized that I wanted to be the one to woo you.”

“What?” you stuttered.

He ran his thumb over your knuckles. “I like you, Y/N. In fact, I think I love you, I’m in love with you. I was hoping to start seriously flirting with you, wooing you, after that night at the club. But you were shut off. It was night and day; the sweet, shy, adorable Y/N was now barely acknowledging me. It broke my heart, but I decided that being friends would be enough for me. Of course, I just fell more and more in love with you every day, but there was nothing I could do. I want you to be happy.”

You swallowed nervously. “Eggsy, I’m not… I’m not that great. And, I mean, look at me, and then look at you…” You sighed. “You won’t like what’s underneath these clothes.”

Eggsy tilted your head towards him. You were surprised when he pressed your foreheads together and rubbed his thumb on your cheekbone. “Darling, I already love you. Why would you being naked make me love you less? Just the thought of it,” he inhaled sharply, “the thought of it gets me all sorts of bothered, love. But I need to know what you feel, too, sweetheart.”

“I,” you tried to calm the beating of your heart, “I think… I think that I feel the same.”

“Yeah?” he asked gently, the brightest smile on his face.

“Yeah,” you echoed. “I… I really, really like you, Eggsy. Maybe, maybe even love. I just don’t… I never thought… I never thought you could love me too, so I’ve never let… let myself admit the feelings. I actually don’t know if I’ll be able to really… accept that you are in love with… me.”

“Can I show you, love? Please, let me show you, how much I love you, and how much I want you, for you. It’ll be okay. Please, trust me.”

“I do trust you,” you stated.

“Good,” he smirked, and you saw a bit of that other side of him that you had always seen before. That softness, though, that gleam, was still there. You let yourself start to believe, or understand, that maybe, maybe, it was actual love in his eyes.

“May I?” Eggsy inquired with such gentleness. “Please, love.”

“Are you sure?” You fiddled with the edge of your shirt, “It’s really not… the best.”

“I’m positive, love. Please,” he pleaded softly.

“Okay,” you breathed, nodding for emphasis.

Eggsy beamed at you before kissing your forehead. He started to pepper kisses all over your face, finally stopping at your lips, where you really wanted him.

After hovering for what felt like too long, Eggsy pressed his soft lips to yours. At that moment, you felt your entire body relax against him. His large hand slid down from your face and rested on your waist. When your body tensed at that, he gently nipped your lip. He smiled against your lips as you hummed in response.

Your nerves were tingling and sparked as Eggsy’s tongue brushed the seam of your lips. Eggsy pulled you closer and nearly growled into your mouth when it opened for him.

You let out a small yelp of surprise as Eggsy pulled you into his lap so you could straddle him. His pupils were blown with lust and adoration as you pulled back, your hands on his shoulders and resting most of your weight on your knees. Large hands gripped your hips tightly and you did your best to relax.

Eggsy rubbed his nose against yours, tilting your head and pressing a sweeter kiss to your lips. He squeezed your hips gently and nipped your lip again.

“C’mon, love,” he murmured as he pulled your lip with his teeth, “you’re not gonna break me, darling. Just relax.”

You let out a shaky breath, still stiffer than you wanted to be. Suddenly, you were letting out another yelp as Eggsy pulled your hips towards him. Now, you were firmly seated on his lap, yours faces mere breaths away from each other, and your arms now around his neck. His eyes were sparkling, and his body felt absolutely delicious against you.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he cupped your cheek. “I’ve always wanted to feel you like this, darling. So bloody beautiful.”

Your blood heated and you looked down shyly. “Me too,” you admitted quietly.

“Do I get to make you feel good, love?” he asked you, brushing his lips against yours.

“Are you sure?” you whispered one last time.

Eggsy let out a growl and pulled your hips down against him. You could feel his hardness against you, and you let out a small squeak. He dragged your hips back and forth slowly, his breathing ragged, and you couldn’t help the moan that left your mouth as your eyes squeezed shut. You started to move on your own, delighting in his small whimpers.

Eggsy felt so good underneath you, his hard cock straining against his pants. When your head tilted back, he leaned forward and began to press wet kisses to your neck. He lightly grazed his teeth across your pulse point and your breath hitched.

Another growl left Eggsy and the next thing you knew, you were on your back. Eggsy smirked down at you as he straddled your waist, his eyes dark with hunger.

As he leaned down to nuzzle your neck, you heard him chuckle. “So sensitive, aren’t you darling?” he breathed against your throat as he began to roll his hips against you. “It’s been awhile since you’ve been touched like this, hasn’t it?” His hand traced up and down from under your breasts and to your waist. “Does it feel nice, love? Hm?”

You nodded, only to hear him huff in amusement.

“Mm, doesn’t work that way, love,” Eggsy whispered in your ear. “I need to hear you. I want to hear your voice, your whimpers and moans. I want to hear everything that I do to you. Do you think you can manage that, darling?”

“Yes,” you murmured.

“Good,” he kissed behind your ear.

Eggsy stopped straddling you and instead pushed your knees apart. He settled against you comfortably, a hum in his throat. Holding himself up on one arm, Eggsy breezed his hand back up your side. He palmed your breast and you couldn’t hold back the sigh that left your throat. Eggsy essentially purred as he felt your soft body.

The simple sensation of feeling his hands on your body, his body putting weight on yours, was making you feel incredibly comfortable. When he squeezed your breast again and you bit your lip, he let out a growl.

Both hands traced down your body, to the bottom of your shirt. Eggsy slowed down slightly as you tensed a bit; instead of pushing your shirt up, he slid his hands under it, gently petting your skin, and pressed kisses to your stomach.

Eggsy kissed a ticklish spot and you let out a giggle. You felt him smirk against you and his nimble fingers, still under your shirt, began to tickle you. Letting out a squeal of laughter, you squirmed under him to try and escape his fingers. Your hands pushed against him as you pleaded for him to stop tickling you.

Your hands were pinned to the bed and Eggsy’s eyes burned up at you from his spot between your thighs.

“What do you want, darling?” he whispered.

“You,” you sighed dreamily.

Your eyes locked on Eggsy’s as he took the bottom of your shirt with his teeth. He chuckled as you squirmed a bit, moving up your body and bringing your shirt with him. You giggled as his breath puffed against your skin. He stopped right at the bottom of your bra.

“You are terribly delectable,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to your sternum.

“You could do well to go faster, you know,” you murmured back, putting your hands on his shoulders. “I don’t mind.”

“I want to take my time with you, love,” Eggsy replied. “But if you’re getting impatient, well, all you have to do is ask. Unless you’re too proud.”

You huffed with amusement, only for it to be cut off as Eggsy pressed a kiss to your covered nipple. He chuckled against your skin and bit your nipple gently.

“C’mon, you just gotta say it,” he said into your skin before laving his tongue over your still-covered-but-now-peaked nipple. His other hand came up and pinched your other nipple between his fingers. Your breath hitched and Eggsy chuckled again.

“C’mon,” you nearly whined, “Eggsy, you don’t have to tease. Don’t you want me?”

His eyes flashed almost dangerously. “Of course, darling. But I also want to watch you squirm and beg. Though, I suppose,” he paused as he pulled your bra down and revealed your breasts, “we’ll have plenty of time for that.”

With that, Eggsy essentially attacked your nipple, sucking it into his mouth with a vigor you had never thought you’d get to experience. His eyes sparkled up at you, still blown with lust, as his other hand continued to pull and squeeze your other one.

When Eggsy bit your nipple, you gasped, clutching his shoulders tightly. You felt his smile as he removed his lips, tugging your bud with his teeth before letting go. He sucked a hickey into your soft skin before kissing up to your collarbone. Eggsy seemed to enjoy creating hickeys as much as you enjoyed receiving them, since he was littering you with dark red and purple marks.

He made his way to your other nipple, squeezing your breast in his hand and flicking his tongue across it. You whimpered and he growled into your skin. After another moment, you felt his hand dance down your side and grip your thigh.

At his gentle urging, you wrapped your leg around his waist. When he pulled your nipple slowly again, you scratched at his shoulders and pulled him up to your mouth. You caught his bottom lip in your teeth and sucked, delighting in his gasp of delight.

“Little minx,” he grinned into your lips.

“Shush,” you breathed back, crashing your lips back to his.

The hand that was on your thigh moved to pull down your leggings. He scrambled to get them off before ripping your legs apart again. His body slid down yours and his green eyes sparkled up at you from between your thighs.

You breathed in shakily as he ran gentle fingers over your clothed pussy. You nearly let out a yelp when he pressed his lips to the top of your labia. Eggsy seemed to breathe in deeply, another growl deep in his throat, and tongued up your panties.

“You smell divine, love,” he growled into you, “I wonder if your juices taste as amazing. Good thing I’m already here.”

Before you could say anything, Eggsy legitimately ripped your panties. He tossed the scraps to the side and pulled your labia apart. He hummed in happiness and arousal as you dripped for him, muttering something that you couldn’t hear.

Then, his tongue licked at your opening.

You wrapped your thighs around his head, delighting in his hum of approval, and ran your hands through his hair. Eggsy moved his tongue to your clit, flicking it gently then harder as you moaned in approval.

His wonderful fingers gently probed your opening as his delicious lips wrapped around your clit and sucked.

“Fuck, Eggsy,” you sighed.

“That’s right, baby, talk to me,” he paused his sucking to say to you.

You nodded, breathing out a curse word or two as he plunged two fingers inside of you. Eggsy pressed into the roof of your pussy, massaging your walls. He started to move his fingers faster and soon, with a come-hither motion, he found your g-spot.

“Shit, Eggsy, fuck, right there,” you whined, pulling on his hair.

Eggsy hummed around your clit as he finger-fucked your dripping pussy. You squeezed your thighs around his head, and he did something—you couldn’t tell what—but he did something with his fingers and his mouth, making you come around his fingers with a harsh cry of his name and a growl ripped from your throat.

“Fuck, darling,” he breathed as he stroked you down from your high.

“Eggsy,” you managed to get out.

“Look at that beautiful pussy, darling,” he said in a reverent and breathy voice. “That gorgeous pussy dripping wet all for me. I was right when I said you tasted amazing.”

Your breathing hitched as he wrapped his lips around his fingers and licked your juices from them. To top it off, he’d stared you down as he did.

“Eggsy, I need you,” you pleaded, holding your hands out for him.

“Oh, my needy girl,” he purred, taking your hands in his.

With a wicked grin, you pulled yourself up and quickly pinned him to the bed. Those beautiful and loving green eyes regarded you with surprise and an intense arousal as you slid down his body, keeping one hand threaded with his.

“My turn,” you smirked, slipping your hands under his shirt. Eggsy purred and folded his arms behind his head to stare down at you. It made you feel a bit nervous, but as you felt Eggsy’s hard cock under your body, you realized how much power you had under your fingertips. You were ready for some fun.

You pushed Eggsy’s shirt up and pressed chaste kisses to his abs. Moving down, you tugged a bit on his pants, revealing his hipbones. With a smirk up at him, you kissed his hipbone before nipping it. As his breath hitched, you sucked a deep hickey into his hip.

“You’re already going to be the death of me, Y/N,” Eggsy sighed.

With a light chuckle, you pulled his pants down more and continued to nip and kiss his skin. Eggsy lifted his legs a little, whining to just take the pants off already. You gave in to his pleas; as you slid the pants off, he threw his shirt over his head and laid back again.

His cock was straining against his boxer-briefs and you could see a small wet patch forming on the gray cloth. Your mouth nearly watered and you palmed him before giving him a squeeze. Eggsy hissed and you saw his jaw clench.

With another smirk sent his way, you mouthed the outline of his cock and rubbed your hands on his thighs. You felt the heat from his cock and decided to just go for it.

You were as full of surprises as Eggsy could be.

Pulling his boxers down, Eggsy’s rather lovely cock sprang up, the tip essentially weeping for attention. Weeping for your attention.

Licking your lips, you gripped the base and heard Eggsy’s inhalation. You stroked him gently, lightly, before you surprised him again by wrapping your lips around his tip.

“Shit,” he moaned, moving one hand to run it through your hair. “Fuck, baby,” he purred as you sucked his tip.

You hummed in the back of your throat as you swirled your tongue around his head, pressing right under it. With one hand, you cupped his balls and delighted in his moan. You hollowed your cheeks and tried to relax as you lowered your mouth farther down.

Eggsy gripped your hair in a tight hand and moaned, making you hum again. Bobbing your head up and down hollowing your cheeks, you glanced up at him and felt your body shiver at his heavy-lidded gaze.

You took all of him in your mouth and hummed, dragging your tongue along him. A moan tore from Eggsy’s throat and suddenly he was tugging you off his cock.

“Darling, that mouth is dangerous,” he growled as he pulled you to his chest.

“Didn’t you know?” you breathed against him.

Eggsy let out another growl and lightly smacked your ass before pulling your other leg across his waist. You held back a small moan and saw his eyes gleam at that reaction.

He was obviously ignoring that until later, though, as he crashed his lips into yours and squeezed your hips. You rubbed your dripping slit along his cock, both of you moaning in response. Your hips bucked slightly as his pressed against your clit.

Eggsy raised your hips and used one hand to guide his cock to your opening. You moaned with your head tilted back and grasped his shoulders.

“That’s right, baby, take me nice and slow. You feel so good, baby, so wet for me,” Eggsy leaned towards you, whispering in your ear sensually.

You lowered yourself onto his cock, the moan erupting from your mouth. Eggsy groaned out a curse and various praises as you seated yourself on him fully. Your breathing was uneven as you arched, and Eggsy ran his hands up and down your sides.

“Breathe, love, breathe,” he murmured to you. “That’s it, love, fuck, you feel so good squeezing my cock, baby. So good and you haven’t moved yet, fuck.”

You smiled a bit and gave an experimental swirl of your hips.

Eggsy nearly yelled your name.

With a devious grin, you began to move up and down on his cock, swirling your hips as you did. He was reaching places that hadn’t been touched in too long; one hand squeezed your hip while the other moved to squeeze and palm your breasts.

“Fuck,” you moaned as he took your nipple in his mouth. He nipped and tugged on it, making your hips buck on his cock violently.

“That’s it, baby, doing so good. What do you want, darling, hm? What do you need?”

You panted and sat fully on him again, moaning in the back of your throat. Squeezing your muscles, you circled your hips without moving up. Eggsy began to kiss your neck and whispered the same question in your ear.

“Fuck, Eggsy,” you whimpered in his ear as he arched into you, making you feel fuller than you thought possible, “fuck, you feel so good.”

“That’s right, baby, you’re making me feel bloody amazing. C’mon, baby, tell me what you need. I know you need more. Tell me,” he growled as he started to fuck into you.

“Fuck, Eggsy!” his thumb began to rub your clit and you leaned your head on his shoulder. “Eggsy, please, fuck, just, fuck me, make me come, please!”

His growl made you shiver as he flipped you over, pounding into you hard and fast. Eggsy rubbed your clit furiously, his moans mixing with yours. You dug your nails into his shoulders, and he leant to bite your neck. You were getting so, so close; he made you feel better than anyone ever had.

“Fuck, darling, you make me want to come so bad,” he mumbled into your neck.

“Please, Eggsy, please,” you babbled breathlessly. “Please, you feel so good, wanna feel you come, wanna come with you.”

“That’s right, baby,” he whispered as he moved to kiss you deeply. “Fuck, darling. So fucking close, Y/N, you feel so good.”

“Eggsy,” you whined into his mouth. “Please.”

“Come for me, Y/N, let’s come together, c’mon,” he pleaded into your mouth.

Eggsy bit your lip and sheathed his pulsing cock fully into you, sending you over that coveted edge with a pinch to your clit.

“Eggsy!” you called out as your vision went white, clutching him close to your body. He followed you while your muscles clenched around him like they would never relax. His groan of your name into your mouth made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, in a different way that the orgasm made you feel.

Eggsy pulled out as you both calmed your breathing, but he let his body lay on you with his face tucked into your neck. You chuckled breathlessly and ran your hands up and down his back, delighting in his purr of comfort. His skin was smooth and soft, his toned muscles relaxed from the orgasm.

“Fuck, I love you so much,” Eggsy murmured into your skin.

“I love you too,” you admitted gently.

On slightly shaky arms, Eggsy pushed up to look at you with adoration in his eyes. “I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long, Y/N.”

“How long?” you asked teasingly.

“Longer than you could imagine. But I’d wait again.”

“For how long?”

“However long it takes, darling,” he told you as he pressed a sweet, loving kiss to your lips. “However long it takes.”

[lovinmcu]

A New Life in Cali, ch. 4

Chapter 4

Pairings; Chris Evans x reader

Warnings; none really

A/N; I don’t know how Disney offices are run, but a girl can dream right! And I realize MCU and Frozen 2 timelines don’t match up, but it’s my story so hush it! Lol. making up for such a short ch.3!!!

The alarm goes off way too soon at 6:30 and you hit snooze a couple times and before you know it, you are running late. But at least you’re an artist so no one pays much about your appearance at work. No dress clothes, but no pajamas, plenty of leggings and mickey mouse shirts. That might be one of the best parts of your job. You decided on breakfast at work in order to make it out the door on time.

You arrive at work on time, not that anyone pays that close of attention, but you’re supposed to be there by 8:00 so you do your best. First, you drop your stuff off at the office, and start your computer and get everything turned on for the day. On your way to breakfast, you check with the department secretary to see if there is anything urgent you need to know about. 

“9:30 staff meeting,” she responds.

“Thanks, but first coffee!” You chuckle and head that direction. You were really thankful for the relationship Disney has with Starbucks, so that meant their coffee hut inside the main lobby. They know what you want before you open your mouth, but this morning is a little different, you add a couple shots of espresso and head back to your desk with your caramel macchiato and bagel, knowing full well there would be something to eat at the staff meeting. 

You set back down at your desk at 8:30 and check your email. 

  ·notes on frozen 2

·staff meeting, you already knew about

·note from your boss wanting to inform about adding another project to your plate with Frozen fixing to wrap up. ….wait what?! 

You quickly re-read that one. He’s trusting you to be a lead animator on a Disney short. He wanted ideas to start working a storyboard in 10 days, and there was a list of who you’d be working with. You couldn’t believe it, this was YOUR time to step up your game at Disney. You knew he had liked your style before he hired you. You had also worked as his intern one summer while he was still an animator and when this job came open, you were his first call. 

8:45, you pick up your phone to text your mom the news, you were bursting with excitement. And you realize you hadn’t seen the last message from Chris last night/this morning. 

You glance over it, it says, “GN sweetie.” You close it and open a text to your mom to tell her the good news, about halfway through the text you realize what Chris had called you. Like it finally processed its way through your head. SWEETIE! What?!?! You hurry and finish the text and hit send and reopen Chris’. “So, sweetie huh?”

You go back to emails. Mostly nothing, some quick responses to send back and then you were getting your act together for the staff meeting. Making notes on how far you are coming along on Frozen 2 edits. But you were on cloud nine after the email from your boss this morning. 

*bing*

“Yeah?!?” “So?!?!” “Can I not call you that?” Chris says.

“No, you’re fine, just picking on you. That’s why you keep me around, right?” You hit send and finish up some notes on frozen. 

“Oh, you’re worth keeping around for more than just that.” ;-) “Lunch today?” “You could meet me on set.” Chris quickly responds. You wonder how he responds so quickly. “I’m in makeup, getting all pretty for the day.” Like he read your mind. 

“Awww, that must mean a long day in the make up a chair then! ;-)” You put your phone away and start walking toward the room your staff meetings are. You’re a few minutes early but so is everyone else when there’s food. Everyone is talking about what can this be about at such short notice as they grab drinks and some breakfast and take their seats. You’re bursting with excitement but figured you’d wait for the boss to tell the news of your upcoming project. 

9:28 *bing* oh shit, you mumble because it wasn’t on silent. Nothing had started yet so you take a look at your phone. And your smile got even bigger if that was really possible at this moment. You had a message from mom saying “congrats, can’t wait to hear more”. And just then another came in from Chris.

“HAHAHA very funny!” “so, lunch? I’m on break about 12:30” 

“Sure, I shouldn’t have a problem making it over” “But you’re sooooo far away!” “But something may change with this staff meeting fixing to start” “Gotta go”

“Talk after so I can have your name put on the list so you can get in” Chris responds.

The staff meeting wasn’t much out of the norm. Everyone went around and reported their status on everyone’s projects. Most of them being for Frozen 2 because we were all trying our best to get it finished on time. Things were coming along great, and the boss was pleased. Next, he went through a bunch of announcements, along with, telling the team of your next project. Everyone gave you applause and cheered for you. They all knew how big of a deal it was for someone so new to the staff. Staff meeting ended with the announcement that he wanted all edits in by Wednesday. You’re working late last night paid off or you’d be coming in this weekend. You’d now be able to catch lunch with Chris. And enjoy the pool party tomorrow without stressing. 

10:20 You remember to send a quick message to Chris on the way back to your desk. And then you found something to stress about….a bathing suit for tomorrow. How in the world were you going to make that happen on such short notice? You set down at your desk and take the chance and message Britney. “Wanna go bathing suit shopping after work?”

“Sure thing! I was thinking the same thing!!” Brittney responded. Brittney was 34, the same as you. You were both in the creative field, she is a graphic designer. She moved here from Kentucky, a couple years ago to design concert merchandise for all sorts of huge bands. Turns out you all grew up just a couple hours apart. So she made it feel a lot more like home quickly. 

“Dinner too?” You respond. “I’m in the mood for some pizza.”

“Sure but after we find bathing suits…k?” 

“LOL sounds like an excellent idea.” You respond and try to focus on getting some actual work done today and it’s already 10:45. Where has my day gone?! So you set an alarm for 12:15 knowing that if you don’t you’ll miss lunch all together. You turn to your computer and as your suspected, get totally lost in your work. You always do, because you love what you do. Before you know it you're turning off your lunch alarm and saving your work, grabbing your purse. You decide to walk the 3 or so blocks it is. You message Chris on your way. “Walking on this nice day, be there in a couple of minutes”

“Sounds good, I’ll send my assistant to meet you at the gate”

Before you knew it you were showing your id to the security guard, who knew you already due to working your building a lot too. He always knows the faces of the ones that don’t keep 8-4 hours and always makes sure you make it safe to your car if he’s there after dark with you. Chris’s assistant walks up and introduces herself. She beautiful, and young, and….now you’re feeling jealous. You’re not sure why You and Chris are just friends. But of course, he’s always been on your celebrity crush list, so you do your best to put the thoughts away But she obviously didn’t think much of you because she wouldn’t even speak to you when you asked questions on the way to Chris’ trailer. She knocked. Chris opened the door while pulling his shirt down, obviously changing out of his costume. He stepped back to welcome you both in,  and gave you a hug and kissed your head to greet you. You weren’t really sure what that was about, but you did know his assistants didn’t like it! Her attitude changed to super bubbly and fake when Chris asked about lunch, but he caught you rolling your eyes at how fake. She handed you a menu of things they could make on set, you picked the first thing that looked good, Chris ordered his usual, whatever that was, and she left the trailer. 

“What was that about?” Chris asked as soon as he knew his assistant was out of earshot. 

“What?”

“The eye roll?!”

“Just how fake she was being” You responded. “She barely said two words to me from the gate to here, but as soon as you opened the door and she saw half your bare chest she turned into some bubbly cheerleader”

“Yeah, it’s been getting on my nerves but I thought she was like that with everyone, obviously not by the look you had on your face,” Chris laughed. “She must be jealous!” You rolled your eyes at Chris this time but shrugged as well because you knew he was right. 

You two sat on the couch talking (and flirting just a little) until your food arrived. You asked a ton of questions about filming, you’ve always been curious about it. Wondering what parallels there were too animated films. He graciously answered the ones he could and admitted when he didn’t know the right answer. Before you knew it, miss cheerleader assistant was entering to say our time was up and Chris was needed in wardrobe for his next scene and you needed to get back to get actual work done today. Chris walked you most of the way out until you all got to wardrobe and he wouldn’t let you leave without a giant hug and a peck on the cheek before you parted ways, but not without Anthony giving out a catcall. *yet another eye roll*

On the way back to your office, your head was spinning. To the point you were almost dizzy, overthinking, of course, trying your best to not make too much of the kiss, but you knew you’d have to keep it together for the rest of the day and maybe feel Brittney out on what she thinks over pizza tonight. 

@thejemersoninferno​ 

[imaginedisish]

Heroes (Stefan Butler x Reader) (Bandersnatch)

A/N: Alrighty...here it is...the long awaited Stefan x Reader fic...the last imagine of the weekend! I LOVE DAVID BOWIE SO AN ANON REQUESTED THIS AND I ACTUALLY SCREAMED NGL. Also, I just wanted to thank everyone for the love so far. I’ve written fanfics before, but never like this. I don’t feel forced to put out things…and I feel much better getting requests as opposed to having to think of everything on my own. Tumblr has a much different vibe than fanfic.net and wattpad, and I love it sooooo much. Stefan x Reader was heavily requested so I figured I needed to feed da people. While I’m super into writing for Bandersnatch, and love writing for Bandersnatch the most, my next two fics will most likely be two anon requests: one  about Donnie Darko, and another about Alex Turner. (DON’T WORRY MY FELLOW BANDERSNATCH LOVERS, I’LL WRITE HEAD CANONS TO KEEP YOU ALIVE…and i have an idea for my first multi-part Bandersnatch fic sooo…get ready for a “BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGE”….) For now…enjoy this Stefan x Reader imagine, guys…

Summary: Your an art student, and you have chosen to paint a portrait of Bowie for your final project. However, things go horribly wrong…that is until Stefan is there to help :)

Warnings: Panic attacks, minimal to medium angst, lots of language, fluff!

Word Count: 1,688 

Your brush dances ever so carefully across the bright, white canvas. David Bowie’s “Heroes” blasts throughout your flat. 

Outside your window, the rest of South London decided it was time to turn in for the night. You imagine small children crawling into bed, begging their mothers or fathers for one more story…just one more. 

But not you, you wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. Your eyes struggled to stay open as you began to add more shading to your portrait of David Bowie.

You fell in love with Bowie’s music and his entirely fantastical persona at a young age. Maybe it was his voice, or his lyrics, or perhaps his message of artistic integrity and being yourself regardless of what others say that made you so obsessed with the Starman. 

Regardless of what exactly made you love Bowie, he was the reason you had the confidence to make your move to the UK. He was the reason you decided to apply to art school in the first place. 

So, when your professor announced that your final project of the year would be a portrait of someone that has impacted your life greatly, Bowie instantly came to mind. 

Without Bowie, where the hell would you be? You most likely would be back in the States, going to a university you had no interest in, pursuing a major you hated, in a relationship with a boy you could never love as much as you love…him. 

Oh yes, him. Stefan Butler. Without Bowie, you couldn’t have ever met Stefan. He was your Moonage Daydream, your Modern Love, he was yours. He was so kind and soft and caring. 

When Stefan needs you, you’re there in an instant. He needs you quite often, to be completely honest, but you never mind. You understand that his past traumas plague him, and you want to help him more than anything else in the world. And, naturally, without Bowie, you would never be able to do so. You owed so much to that magnificently talented man. 

And yet this painting of him was slowly becoming a pain in the ass. 

I need to get this done, You remind yourself. Tomorrow is just hours away. 

Unfortunately, you feel as though your hours of painting have led to absolutely nothing. You step back from the painting in an attempt to see it better. However, the more you step back, the more wrong things seem to be. 

“This…this just isn’t right,” you mutter under you breath. A feeling of distress creeps under your skin and eventually pushes itself into every part of your body. You reach for the grey paint, and apply it forcefully to where you think you need it. 

You don’t realize it isn’t actually grey paint until you remove the brush from the canvas. 

“What the fuck?” Now you’re fuming with anger. “This can’t be happening…no no no no no!” You fall to the ground sobbing, your head smashing into your hands. 

A large, vibrant, pink slash of paint displays itself in the middle of your grey, “Heroes” album cover painting. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, and you know that. You simply sob on the floor of your flat, as the creativity you had earlier in the day leaves, and replaces itself with total and utter sadness and disappointment. 

Then, for some reason, you decide to look over to the alarm clock next to your brass, queen bed.

2:00 am

“Oh no, god no!” You shout, expecting your neighbors to be at your door any second now to complain about all the noise. 

Your throat quickly begins to close up, and your heart beats out of your chest. You haven’t had a panic attack since you left the States, but the feeling was familiar nonetheless. You try to scream, but you just can’t. 

A million thoughts race around your mind at once. Every bad experience, relationship, argument, and situation you’ve ever gone been in or gone through resurface in your mind. You simply don’t know how much you can endure before you fall apart, or worse…

“No, no I can’t think like that, I just can’t,” you whisper to yourself.

Before your old, depressive thoughts begin to come back to haunt you, you reach for your phone, and dial the number you know will fix everything.

“(Y/N)? It’s two in the morning, is everything all right?” Stefan’s voice is hurried and panicked. He knows something is wrong. 

“I fucked up, Stefan, so terribly terribly bad,” You’re voice is unsteady and hoarse. You struggle to get your words out as you sob to Stefan.

“(Y/N) tell me what happened.” Stefan was beyond worried now. 

“It-it’s my p-painting. I-,” you take a deep breath before continuing, “I n-need you, n-now.” You sniffle audibly. 

“H-hold tight, k-keep breathing. I’m on m-my way.” Stefan hangs up. You try to do as he says, but it’s no use. You feel your depressive, almost suicidal thoughts begin to push through the barriers you worked so hard to put up. 

No, stopping thinking like that! You think to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut in attempt to free yourself from your intrusive thoughts. You throw your head back into your hands. 

Less than five minutes pass by, when a soft knock echoes through your studio flat. 

“C-come i-in,” you croak. Stefan slowly pushes the door open. His fluffy brown hair is a mess, and his dark circles highlight the emerald-ness of his wide, puppy dog eyes. He’s wearing black shorts and a baggy black sweatshirt. His long, bright yellow socks pop out against his black converse. 

You obviously woke him up, and now you felt like you were being a bothersome girlfriend. You are the one who is supposed to help him. It isn’t supposed to be the other way around. Guilt begins to fill your stomach. 

“(Y/N), m-my god,” he paused, looking at your beet red face and puffy eyes, tears streaming down your cheeks. He rushes over to you, and holds you tightly in his arms. “I’m here now, let it out, it-it’s okay.” 

You sob violently into his chest. You don’t know what else to do. In fact, you realize there is literally nothing else you can do. 

You separate from him for a moment, and nod towards your now adulterated painting. 

“L-look at it. I’m going to fail, Stefan. It’s due tomorrow. It’s worth 70% of my final grade and I’m going to fail,” You say in a soft, factual whisper. He shakes his head. 

“I see nothing but amazing artwork, (Y/N),” Stefan replies. You grow angry again. 

He’s just lying to you, you think to yourself. It’s absolute shit! Anyone could see that. Yell at him, scream!

“Bullshit!” You cry out in a rage, scooting away from him and getting up. You want to punch something, a wall maybe. 

“(Y/N), s-stop,” Stefan pleads softly, getting up from the floor as well. You ignore him, and start to pace the floor. You can’t stand yourself now. Your hands begin to shake. You wish everything would just disappear. 

“Fucking hell I hate thi-,”

“I said STOP!” Stefan screams this time, cutting you off. Stefan was usually so soft, so timid. In this moment, he was the opposite. 

You stare at him with wide eyes. He nervously reaches up to pull on his ear lobe. His emerald eyes become glossy. 

“I-I’m sorry I-I didn’t m-mean t-to-,” Stefan starts to apologize, but you quickly cut him off. 

“No, n-no I am. You were just trying to help and I screamed at you. I’m just so sor-,” the second half of your “sorry” is muffled into Stefan’s chest as he rushes towards you and captures you in his arms.

He smells like peppermint and roses. His scent relaxes you and you practically fall limp in his embrace. He kisses your forehead lightly, and rubs your back gently. You stay that way for what feels like hours, even though it was most likely only a few minutes. 

“We can figure this out, things are going to be fine, I’m going to help you,” Stefan coos in your ear. You melt to the sound his voice. 

Feeling much more calm now, you and Stefan separate. Stefan makes his way over to the painting staring at it for a few seconds. 

“Aladdin Sane,” is all that comes out of Stefan’s mouth. 

“Hmm? What about it?” You weren’t sure what he meant. 

“The pink streak it reminds me of ‘Aladdin Sane' record cover,” Stefan states rather factually. 

Then, it hits you. 

“Stefan, you’re a genius! An absolute genius!” You scream, but happily this time. You run over to him, cupping his cheeks and pulling him into a kiss.

“I should be a genius more often then,” Stefan says smiling widely, blushing intensely. 

Stefan stays with you as you continue your painting, watching you, making sure you don’t overwork yourself. He checks in with you every now and again to see if everything is okay. Of course, now that he was with you, everything was completely fine. Your confidence and inspiration was back. 

Around four in the morning, the painting is finally complete. You step back and smile as Stefan joins you by your side. He wraps his arm around your shoulder. 

“Its absolutely, stunning, (Y/N),” Stefan says, his eyes twinkling even in the low, poor lighting of your flat. 

The painting was a fuse of the “Aladdin Sane” and “Heroes” album covers. You felt fulfilled and happy with your work, and it was all thanks to Stefan, your hero. 

“I love you so much,” Stefan says, pulling you closer to him. 

“I love you more,” You say in return. 

Stefan simply shakes his head.

“Impossible. It would be impossible even in an alternate timeline, in-, in an alternate universe, (Y/N). That is infinitely and eternally impossible.”

[lilcutieana]

Safe Haven ~ ( Hybrid baby bangtan)

Words: 3.4K Genre: Hybrid! BTS AU Rating: PG

Request:  Can I get a bts scenario where the reader adopts hybrid bts when they're little( like jin being 8 and jungkook being around  and if it's not too much to ask can you make jin a fox, namjoon a wolf, yoongi a black panther, J-hope a dog, taehyung a tiger, jimin a kitty, and jungkook a bunny thank you 

By @bluemooncnblue​

Safe Haven ~ || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

                ═══════ ⋆★⋆ ════════

My thumbs played around and fought with each other on my lap as I sat on the unmade bed, at 3 am no less, as Sumin stood there glaring at me for not being cooperative. Well, not my fault. None at all. It was three freaking am. And she expected me to take in seven snotty brats? Yeah, right. I couldn't even care for myself.

Somin sighed again as I refused to maintain eye contact and chose to stare at my twiddling thumbs instead. "Y/N please, they're too young to be sent to an orphanage. You know how they're run. Just foster those for a few months is all I'm asking. If they're too troublesome, I'd take them back in a heartbeat. Promise." she whispered kneeling on the floor, as if she was trying not to wake the neighbors.

I scoffed. As if.

I lived in a cottage of my own that I bought and renovated myself. Yes, I was an interior designer and worked from home. That was no good reason to dump seven kids on me, and not just humans--- hybrid kids--- of different breeds. I have nothing against hybrids, if anything, three out of my four friends were hybrids themselves. But each breed had their own quirks and living standards. Getting used to one was a lifetime investment in itself, but seven? God bless my soul, this girl might just sign it to the devil himself.

I was startled at the creak of my bedroom door and in tumbled four kids through it, tangled up tails and ears pulled back. Don't tell me she....

"You brought them here already? Just--- just how confident are you in your negotiating skills?" I looked at her horrified. All this time we were arguing about these innocent little kids, they were right there--- listening in on us. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I didn't need this, not right now. Not when I had so many projects piled up to be completed and creativity had all but vaporized through my thicker than coconut skull.

Sumin chuckled from beside my bed, a wide grin spread across her lips and eyes dancing in amusment, "Quite the merry bunch, aren't they?" 

"Don't get me started", I scowled at her Cheshire cat grin that seemed to grow at my expense. She will regret it. I was just holding back on the violence because there were four kids staring at me like a dinosaur fossil displayed at the museum. 

"Okay, okay, calm down. Look, I understand you being cranky right now, but just let them stay tonight-- or the rest of tonight-- and let's talk tomorrow morning, when you're more, um, awake, I guess?" She looked at me with rounded puppy eyes that spoke of absolute empathy but I knew her better. She only wanted to dump it all on me for the better good. God, I really hated her guts right now. 

The kids were all huddled up together, eyes blown wide, ears pulled and tails bristling. This was just the cherry on top I needed. A bunch of little devils who hated me as much as I hated  Sumin right about now. Taking a deep breath, I steeled my heart. I had volunteered at a hybrid disabled children school, I wonder what could possibly go wrong here? 

The tallest had absolute white, long ears with black tips along with white fluffy tail and in his arms was a tiny hybrid sucking on his thumb with long grey bunny ears. Next to them were two chubby orange eared hybrids- one was striped and the other wasn't. This was going to be hard. 

"Look Sumin, while I appreciate you seeking me for help. I don't appreciate you dumping your responsibility onto me. If you chose to rescue them, be their guardian, be the saint-- then do it, I'll even help, but, don't just decide to take responsibility and then dump it all on me. I might be kind but I'm no pushover." I glared at her, breathing heavily. My heart was hurting and eyes stinging from anger, even my stomach felt queazy. It was too early for this. 

"B-but I thought you'd be happy to have pets and in case you don't really do, I could always look for someone else and--" she was rambling while making circles around the room, scaring the kids further. Three other peeked around the door, ready to fight with sharpened pencils in hands. 

"Get out. This is the last straw Sumin. I'm done. Don't talk to me unless I call you myself. If you can't be responsible for the kids yourself, then I will. But this is the last favor, the very last. Don't ever--- and I really mean, ever--- talk to us again. I won't have these innocent kids go from one house to another just because you 'thought' you were being a saint saving them and dumping them on me." Marching forward, I opened the bedroom door wider earning a yelp from the closest hybrid with grey ears and gestured for her to leave. 

Sniffing, she glared back at me and picking up her handbag she had dumped on my bed, she left through the door with a backward flip of her hair that hit my face and got into my eyes. That hurt. But it was worth the pain. Ever since I knew her since high school she had been taking me for granted and kept using me to look good in society. I had just about enough of her. Good riddance. Smiling softly, I ushered the kids inside and. closed the door behind them, locking it for good measure. 

Oh shit! I had totally forgotten to get my keys from her. Knowing her, she'd pull another stunt just to spite me. I'll just have to change the lock tomorrow morning before she can. Just another thing to the million others I'm about to get into. Just why do I let my anger drive me to do things? 

"Okay kids, I don't understand what you're feeling, what you're going through or what you need from me." I started and saw as they held onto each other tighter and I decided, that looking down on them wouldn't really work in my favor. If I needed their trust and cooperation, I needed to be on their level and not intimidating.

Crouching down, I tried smiling, "I'm sorry for raising my voice like that. Just stay here until tomorrow and then I'll take you to the shelter, lab and orphanage. You get to choose what you want and where you want to stay. I won't decide things for you. I want you to have your choice in what happens in your lives." At their blank stare I sighed and tried again.

"I'm Y/N and I design homes for people from my own home, meaning, I'll be staying inside all day long. Do you need anything now before going to bed?" I asked in a hushed voice, knowing their hearing abilities were strong and they'd pick up even the tiniest of sounds. Privacy was going to be a huge issue in this house. They looked up at me confused while the tallest nodded in understanding and shook his head.

"No, we will be fine Ms. Y/N. Just some warm milk for Jungkookie." He gestured at the kid now dozing off in his arms. Nodding in silence, I stared at them a bit longer.

They wore clothes that looked old and torn at the edges. Faces dirty and body scrawny. I wonder what happened for these kids of a different breed to stick together and seek shelter in a completely different place. "And you are?" I asked curiously, I needed to know before letting them stay here. While they looked innocent and well behaved, I doubted they really were.

His eyes lit up like Christmas lights and he bounced on the balls of his feet, “I’m Seokjin, a marble Fox. This here is Jungkook --- a bunny." Nudging the striped kid from beside him, he jerked his head towards me.

The kid's hands shook until he clasped them together in front of him and spoke in soft voice, “I’m Taehyung, a tiger and that's Jimin, a ginger cat, we are both five". And he raised his hand in the air showing all five fingers and a brilliant smile that revealed missing teeth in the front. Cute. Jimin looked shy and abashed, hiding behind Taehyung the tiger. I would have to come up with ways to involve him in more things to regain his confidence again. As my gaze traveled to the three intimidating figures standing behind, I noticed they only looked big and strong. But their eyes spoke of a kind heart and scared, shattered soul. I would protect them with my life if I had to. They deserved better.

"And you are?" I asked, my head tilting to the side.

"Yoongi, seven, Black Jaguar"

"Namjoon, six, grey wolf"

"Hoseok, six, Akita puppy"

"Yah! Are we all telling ages too? I'm seven! I'll no longer be just a kid anymore." Soekjin declared proudly, holding Jungkook delicately in his arms as he napped on his little shoulders. My heart clenched at the sight and beat faster. Wherever they chose to stay, I'll always make sure they have everything they will ever need.

"Good! Now that I know your names, it will take some time for me to get used to those and learn them all." I mused thoughtfully. "So....who wants some hot cocoa before bed?" A chorus of 'me too' and 'me first' was heard with lots of giggling and smiles. They were warming up. Sighing softly, I padded to the kitchen area followed by six little ducklings waddling behind.

“Okay everyone where would you like to sleep in? I have three extra beds—in a room, you could use that. They should be big enough for now. Or would you like to stay in my room?”

They looked frozen as if I had given them a herculean task. Well, I suppose making choices isn’t quite the easy task with a stranger.

“Can we see the rooms first?” The kitten piped up from behind the panther. Guess being in same species made them closer than rest of the group.

“Okay, sure. Let’s bathe and change first, have some hot cocoa and then we can decide.” Declaring proudly, I nodded to myself. I wonder if they can bathe themselves. Well, if not, I can help them a bit.

"Good good. We can build a fort in here and all sleep together until late in the morning. Let's see if we have enough food first" Walking further into the kitchen, I opened the pantry and took out eight hot cocoa powder satchels along with a bag of marshmallows. Picking up the heavy cookie jar from behind, I opened the lid and inhaled the wonderful chocolate aroma wafting from it.

"Here, why don't you share these cookies among yourselves while I get the bath ready?" Keeping the jar on the counter opened, I let the kids handle them and went to get the bath water ready. My bathroom wasn’t large enough for all of them, but at least three of them could bathe at the same time. Filling the white bathtub with warm water, I added some bubble bath liquid to it to make it foam and set out all the towels I had.

Hmm… what else?

Oh!

Setting out body wash, lotion, brush and hair drier, I nodded to myself satisfied. There, that should do it.

Walking out of the bath I was surprised at how quiet the house was and jogged my way to the kitchen to see them nibbling on cookies silently while leaning on one another. I wonder if they were too tired to do anything. The hybrids I was used to were always energetic, no matter the time.

“Time for bath everyone! Come, let’s get going” at my voice they all jumped up, wiping their hands on their clothes and ran towards me.

“Me first! I want to bathe first!” The dog hybrid jumped around on the balls of his feet and I ruffled his hair which was unsurprisingly sticky to the touch. They could always shampoo it tomorrow, I didn’t want any of them to catch a cold. Padding our way across the room to the right, we entered the bathroom together.

“Here’s the towels. Two of you need to bathe together in this water with the body wash here. Is the scent mild enough? The water warm enough?” Seokjin, the fox hybrid, came closer and sniffed at the bottle, “Yeah! It’s perfect, smells like cinnamon rolls”

“Oh…That’s the vanilla scent. Well then, this should work for now.”

“The water’s fine. We haven’t had warm water in so long.” Namjoon muttered from beside me. Wherever they were, I hoped they didn’t end up someplace like that ever again.

“Call for me once you’re done. I’ll set some clothes out for you all and prepare some hot cocoa” A collective ‘Thank you Y/N’ echoed in the bathroom and I couldn’t feel any more proud and awake. All my sleepiness had vanished in thin air.

~*~

All bathed, dried and dressed up in my old clothes; the hybrids looked absolutely adorable and so ethereal. They had the softest of skin and shiniest of tails. Even their hair and ears looked so soft and fluffy.

The bathing was fine with everyone else but I had to help when it came to Jungkook. He was sleepy, hungry and cranky, so we did it as fast as was possible. The bubbles did help distract him while we scrubbed the soot off his skin and Jimin told me why they were in the state that I had found them in.

It was Namjoon whose owners had died in an accident and he had ran away to the woods and after about a few days he found an abandoned cabin at the edge of the woods and started living in it. The others had stories of their own, but nobody discussed them openly. Namjoon had saved everyone else and brought them to the shed. They all stole to get food and other things until one day when there was a fire in the store they went to and all of them were brought straight to the hospital after surviving the fire and Sumin was the nurse in the hospital who thought it a brilliant idea to bring them to her, which, it was, according to Jimin. He did say he liked me and that I was the nicest human he ever met, whatever that meant.

After the bath and drying up, we had all drank some hot cocoa while Jungkook had his warm milk and fell asleep instantly in my arms. And, now, we were all preparing a huge blanket fort in the middle of the living room.

This was going to be a huge laundry to clean up, but I bet it was worth the effort. These boys were worth so much more.

"Wow, this looks so amazing! Like a real fort. Does that make me snow white with you seven little dwarfs, or.... maybe seven princes?" I asked teasingly and they all giggled bashfully. 

"I'm the Prince of this kingdom and everyone else is a dwarf." Soekjin smiled proudly with his hands fisted on both sides of his waist. He truly looked like a Prince. 

"How about seven princes then and the servant. I would surely help you with all the tasks for tonight and every other day. Now, then, it's time for Princes to sleep so that they can get all the energy they need and be prepared for the next day-- all strong and fearless." Running around they all went into their separate pillows and I covered them up with soft blankets and bed sheets. I'll have to do a lot of shopping soon if they decided to stay. Turning off the lights, I turned around to get into bed at the middle but then two voices shrieked making me jump in fright too. 

"What happened?" 

"Oh, Jimin and Hoseok are scared of the dark, noona." A voice quipped from the side. Probably Taehyung or Namjoon as they slept on the edge. No wonder they screamed as soon as the lights were off. Turning the lights back on, I went in search of the fairy lights I had kept under my bed after Christmas party last year. Dusting it off, I was glad I hadn't tangled them up in a hurry and neatly packed them up instead. Opening the thread, I connected it to the extension cord and hung the lights around the 'ceiling' of our makeshift blanket fort. I was proud of the kids for making it so large and beautiful. Though clumsy, they were very dedicated and talented. 

"What are those?" Jungkook asked from his position on Yoongi's side, curled up into a ball. Despite being a bunny, he seemed to like being around the panther. So, the panther really was a softie unlike how he portrayed himself to be. 

"These are tiny lights that will keep the room from going completely dark." Nodding his head, he looked on in wonder as I adjusted the strong of lights to be hung properly around the room. Turning off the actual light, and turning on the fairy lights, I watched with bated breath as they cheered and looked like absolute angels under the soft glow of the pink and blue lights. As I crawled into the fort and squeezed in between Hoseok and Jimin, I felt their warmth seep into my skin and wished inside that this night lasted a bit longer than the rest. I haven't felt this needed, wanted or appreciated in a long while and slowly drifted off to sleep to the quiet purr from Jimin. 

~¤~ 

"Hyung, I really don't want to leave here. She might get angry easily and is scary when angry, but she was angry for us. She defended us, fed us, and sacrificed her own bed for us too. I want to stay here with her."

.”Yeah! She's the best option we have." 

"But what if she gets tired of us?" 

"We will leave if that day comes." 

Soft whispers filtered through my ears waking me up from my much needed sleep. Wait...who was in my house? 

"We should probably clean the house a little bit. She did a lot for us, we should return the favor somehow." 

Okay, I needed to be careful. They sounded like kids, probably came to steal food. But they were also talking about staying here.....What? 

"And help her with house chores. We can do little things, all of us." 

"Anyone who doesn't want to stay here? Wow, so we all agree she's the one?" 

Turning on to the side, I opened one eye to see seven kids, no seven hybrid kids sitting in a circle inside a blanket fort. Then everything came to me all at once. My fight with my friend, taking in the kids, bathing them, brushing their hair and drying them, drinking hot cocoa with melted marshmallow and cookies and finally setting up the fairy lights. 

"Good morning noona!" Two hybrids pounced on me from two sides, nuzzling into my neck softly nipping and licking with their rough tongues. Their hot breath with every exhale made me shiver and cuddle up close to them. Raising my hands, I ran my fingers through their soft hair and detangled them.

"Jimin, Yoongi, do you want to go later to look at other options to stay? Or would you prefer staying here?" 

"Here, noona, you're part of our family now!" Jungkook exclaimed from beside me. Raising my head, I saw them all smiling down at me. 

"Sure, we can be one big family!" Instead of loud cheers, I heard collective growls. And no, it wasn't them but their stomachs growling. Guess they were all hungry. Time to make breakfast and start the day. By the bright Sun outside, I could tell clearly, it was way past ten in the morning. I did sleep well cuddled up to the kids. 

"Let's cook first, I'm hungry too. Who wants to help?" 

"Me!" Taehyung jumped on my thighs and growled playfully at me earning glares from rest of the boys. Giggling softly, I ruffled up his hair and sat up, stretching my aching muscles. 

"Let's get food, shower and plan what things to buy. We are going shopping today!" 

This was my family now, and I couldn't ask for a better one.

Safe Haven ~ || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

[rainbowplaidvirgil]

Cinnamon Cookies - chapter Two

Read me on AO3

Warnings: Mentions of pas trauma and abuse, anxiety, being a dick to foster kids

Logan led Virgil to creative writing, and they ended sitting in the back of the class together, because that’s where the empty seats were, and because Logan was the only person that Virgil knew. Apparently, the class was working on poetry for their current unit. Virgil could deal with that. He… had dabbled in it before. Dr. Picani had told him to try it, because it “might be a good way to get your feeling down on paper without that journaling that you seem to be so vehemently against.”

The teacher in the front of the class, whom Logan informed him was a man named Mr. Remy, began the class.

“Now, y’all,” he took a sip of the starbucks that he had in his hand, “I want you to really put some effort into this first project. I know, I know, poetry can be painful but I think this will be good for you guys. Get some feeling down on that paper.”

Right. Because Virgil was totally going to “get some feeling” down on a paper that he was going to hand in to a teacher he didn't know. He’d take the F on this project, thanks.

“There is one thing, though. You aren’t writing about yourself. You will be writing an ode to an object. It can be anything. A book, a trash can, cup of coffee,” he paused to gaze longingly at his Starbucks cup, sending a ripple of laughter through the class, “but seriously, it could be anything. Before we get started on that, we’re going to be reading an example of this called ‘Ode to My Socks’ by Pablo Neruda.”

Mr. Remy handed out the poems, and they read. Virgil supposed he liked the poem. It was a little odd, he guessed. They spent the rest of the class brainstorming and writing. Virgil decided that would write about Cinnamon cookies.

The rest of his classes until lunch were uneventful and nerve wracking. He didn't have anyone he knew. He guessed Dee, Thomas, and Logan all had different classes. When lunch came, he walked to the cafeteria nervously, shoulders drawn in, head looking at his own scuffed combat boots. He didn’t get a lunch, he wasn’t hungry, really. He looked around the cafeteria for a face he recognized.

“Hello Virgil. I see we have the same lunch,” he turned around and- yup, it was Logan, “would you like to sit with me. You do not have to, but I figured I would offer.”

“Oh, uh,” Virgil glanced around one more time for Thomas and Dee, but when he failed to find them, he nodded, “sure, why not.”

The two wandered to a quieter corner of the cafeteria, pretty much away from anyone else, and sat.

“How come you did not get lunch?” Logan inquired.

“Wasn’t hungry,” he shrugged.

“It is still beneficial to eat during mealtimes, even when one is not currently hungry. It helps to maintain a more consistent eating, and also sleeping, schedule.”

“... Right, Whatever you say, dude.”

“I say this only because I have noticed that you seem fatigued. While this fatigue may be unusual for you, I have no way of knowing., it is still troublesome. A lack of sleep ca-” Logan then got cut off, much to his annoyance.

“Virgil! There you are!” It was Thomas, with Dee and… someone Virgil didn't recognize in tow.

He exchanged an uncomfortable grimace with Logan as the three others sat down. Too many people already. He was fine if Dee and maybe Thomas sat there, but not anyone else. It seemed Logan shared his discomfort with unknown people.

“Sup,” he mumbled, playing with the zippers of his hoodie anxiously. He kept glancing at the other person whom had joined their midst anxiously, being careful not to stare. Didn’t want to repeat of this morning.He felt Logan’s eyes on him, but he decided not to make a big deal out of it.

“Virgil, this is Joan, my bestest friend! Joan, this is Virgil, my other new foster brother, and Dee’s twin,” Thomas introduced.

Joan stuck out their hand to greet Virgil properly. He hesitated momentarily before doing the same, and they shook hands briefly, but not briefly enough for Virgil’s tastes.

“It’s nice to meet you Virgil!”

“Oh, uh, yeah, likewise,” Virgil shrugged.

The rest of lunch passed, with Virgil curling in on himself and occasionally contributing to the dreaded smalltalk that had settled over the group. He made it through the rest of classes without incident, mercifully. Finally, it was time to go home.

Once he was out of the school building, Virgil could breathe a little easier. The three foster siblings spent a few moments looking for Patton’s car, before Thomas spotted it and directed them through the bustling traffic that plagued the school at 3:15 PM each week day.

As they approached the car, Virgil felt another pang of panic. There was an adult he didn’t recognize. He was dressed rather formally, in white and red and gold. There was an air of authority about him that left a bitter taste on Virgil’s tongue. He immediately did not trust this man.

“Hey kids!” Patton leaned forward a bit so they could see eachother past “the bad man,” as Virgil decided to label him in his head until he had a more suitable one. Seeing Patton calmed Virgil’s nerves little bit, but only just.

“This is Roman, my boyfriend,” Patton introduced cheerfully.

Roman gave the kids a small wave, a polished smile spreading on his face, “Hello, I am to assume you are the new foster children that my darling Patton had told me so much about?”

Virgil was reminded eerily of the wicked stepmother from Cinderella. He hoped he was wrong, and he was just misjudging (as Dr. Picani so often insisted he did,) but, he knew from experience, a lot of the times, he wasn’t wrong.

His anxiety only increased as he stepped into the back seat of the Jeep with Thomas and Dee. He looked over at Thomas and muttered, “have you met this guy before? I’m suspicious.”

“Once, he seems pretty okay, though,” Thomas mumbled back.

“Your fear is completely rational and you’re totally not overreacting,” Dee hissed.

“Have I been wrong before?” He sent a glare Dee’s way.

“You were right about Patton,” Dee countered triumphantly

“That’s one time and besides, it’s still too early to tell-”

“What are you kids whispering about back there?” Patton raised an eyebrow at them from the rearview mirror.

“Nothing!” thomas squeaked a little too quickly. Virgil appreciated the effort to cover for them, but… Thomas was not good at lying.

Roman hummed suspiciously, “they’re probably plotting against us, dearest. You know how foster kids are.”

Virgil growled. What had this guy just said about them? He understood when people said that about him, he was most definitely probably plotting against people all the time, but about Dee and Thomas? Who did this guy think he was. He opened his mouth to go off on this absolute bastard, but surprisingly, Patton beat him too it.

“Excuse me Roman,” Patton’s grip on the steering wheel tightened infinitesimally, “but I would really appreciate it if you didn’t generalize an entire group of people. All three of these kids are very sweet, and would never, ever hurt us. And need I remind you that that group of people you just insulted includes myself as well.”

Virgil blinked. Patton had been in foster care? That made Virgil trust him a little more. He had been in their situation. He knew how they must feel.

“You know I didn’t mean you, my lo-”

“Roman, please apologize to my three absolute angels, or you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

The other man sighed. “Fine, I’m sorry, you three, I’m sure you’re great kids. It’s just that you give me the heebie-jeebies. Especially the two dressed in black.”

“Thanks,” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Well aren’t you sweet,” Dee grumbled.

“Roman, please, be nice,” Patton ground out through gritted teeth, before perking back up and changing the subject, “Anyway, we’re having fried chicken for dinner! WIth mac and cheese and corn!”

Patton’s demeanor change kind of concerned Virgil. There was no way he changed moods that quickly. But, he supposed, he would wait to say something. No use bringing it up when trapped in the care. Instead, he opted to pet Dee’s hair comfortingly, as his twin brother had laid his head on Virgil’s shoulder anyway.

[foreverbuzzing]

Dear Dan

Summary:  Phil Lester is a lonely boy who likes to write, Dan Howell is someone who understands the problems of others. When Phil starts leaving letters in Dans locker addressed to him as a friend, Dan decides to read these letters and occasionally respond. Will their two worlds collide, or fall apart like a snowman on a warm day? (Roughly Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Genre: Fluff

Chapters: 1/?

Tw: None thus far

Read on Ao3

"Dear Dan,

I'm writing to you because i know you listen, it's kind of like "Charlie" from The Perks of being a Wallflower. I'm writing to you because i'm lonely and you're one of the nicest people I've talked to.   I also have a tiny bit of a crush on you, please don't try to find out who i am because i'm spilling all my secrets to you because i have no one else to spill them to.  I understand if you find this weird or that you have never really thought of yourself as someone that another would trust, if you want me to stop, please write on the back of this note for me to; if it's okay then i'll keep writing these. Thanks for listening Dan.

Sincerely,

your friend."

I slid the note into his locker, i happened to stumble across his combo when i was an office assistant during my free period. Don't judge me, okay? After sliding the note in his locker i headed off to my next class. I put the note in his locker during my lunch because i have A lunch and he has B. If i'm going to keep my anonymity i have to be smart.

When i get to my next class, Dans lunch starts, and i have to work on my English project involving the book Night which is about a boy surviving the Holocaust.   English class is about as uneventful as you could imagine, get out your book, jog down some notes, origination, pack up and leave.

Dan's in his next class when English is over which gives me time to go see if he's okay with my notes. I get to his locker and see that he has written a note back to me.

"Dear friend,

I honestly would have never expected someone to trust me like this. I find your letters flattering and i actually want you to keep sending them. I can already tell that you're a beautiful and literate person. And don't worry- i won't try to find out who you are because that would break your trust in me. Take care of yourself x

Love always,

Dan."

I smile really happily as he's okay with it, when i get home tonight i'm going to write my next letter. The fact that he's okay with some random person finding his locker combination, writing him a letter at random and him being okay with it is mildly concerning, but it made me never the less pretty happy.

I have two more classes left and they go by pretty uneventfully, there's only two weeks of school left so i want to be able to slip my number to Dan before then. I have a summer job lined up where i'm going to be working at an ice cream shop downtown.

School finally ends and i can return to the safety of my home, my bedroom is basically my little hole that i never come out of.  My mom works a lot so she's never home and my dad, well, honestly i don't even know whats going on with my dad.

I decide to be lazy and order pizza because i don't want to make any food, i've got a letter to write, homework to do, and a Tumblr to aimlessly reblog shitposts to. I decide to tidy up my room while i wait for my pizza to get here. After my beautiful spinach  pizza arrives, i sit down with the box next to me and my notebook in front of me and i write back to Dan.

"Dear Dan,

I'm happy that you're okay with these letters. You're really cute and the fact that you're okay with letting some creepy classmate spill all their problems to you is really nice but also mildly concerning? I'll tell you a bit about myself, my name is Phil and i'm only telling you this because there's so many Phil's at our school and it's still impossible to find me. With that being said, some of my favorite music is alternative music, like Muse, System of a Down, We The Kings, and Paramore.  I spend a lot of my time online on Tumblr, and i have an interest in film making when i go to Uni. Schools getting out here in a couple weeks and i won't be able to send these through your locker anymore. Would it be cool for you to text me with  your number so i can keep this up? If not that's totally cool too.

Best regards,

Phil"

It would suck if he didn't want me to keep texting him after school got out, unfortunate actually. One day revealing myself would actually be a plausible option but definitely not now.  I actually have a crush on him too, i've had a crush on him for several months but i try not to include that in my letters because i'm about 98% sure that boy is straight. The fact that i'm doing this in the first place is pretty creepy.

After that i decide to stop procrastinating and do my school work so i'll actually graduate high school, it's honestly not even that hard, i'm just lazy. I spend about an hour on my homework and then get up and get a shower.

I walk into the bathroom and strip off my clothes, then i turn the knobs on the shower so that the water is at my preferred temperature  and step in. The water feels nice on my back, showering gives me a place to think and come up with creative ideas. I wet down my hair, grab my shampoo and begin washing it. Apparently i'm not supposed to wash it every day but i do anyways because my hair gets oily anyways.

After my shower, i brush my teeth and wash my face. then i head on to bed and pull the covers over my face as i slowly drift off to sleep.

-

I wake up the next day nicely, no stupid alarm to ruin my sweet dreams, until i look up at the time.

Shit. Shitshitshit i slept in an extra hour and i have five mins to get to school. I don't even try, i throw on a pair of sweatpants and a random t-shirt and head off. I get to school right after the bell rings, which is fantastic. I honestly should have not came tbh. Since school is already in session and Dans locker is on my way to my first period class, which i have Dan in, i slide it in and head on into my class.

School is honestly so uneventful, i can't wait to get the hell out of here, i feel my phone buzz and decide to see what peasant decided to bust their way into my life. It was from an unknown number saying.

"Now we're texting instead of writing, eh. Wow i'm flattered m8 are you gonna take me home to your parents now :')"

I snicker, Dan you sarcastic twat.

"Nah taking you home would require revealing myself, plus you seeing my room Howell ;)"

I reply with

I mean, he started the sarcasm war so he can't complain about my response

"What ever you say Phil :("

I decide not to reply because i generally forgot that i gave him my first name, which, to be honest, was probably a mistake. My night basically consists of the exact same pattern of every night, it's kind of depressing but i have no friends, i mean, no one has really taken the time to befriend me.

Weird, i know but there's not a lot of things really special about me. I don't think dying my hair to black from a mousey brown color is very interesting. I'm not like a lot of the other guys in my school. I'm not really into sports, but i'm not really into technology, or i'm not exactly emo either. I'm Phil Lester, the guy that doesn't fit into stereotypes. Maybe Dan will find me interesting, i'm going to start telling him things about me, little things that someone who has a singular class with me wouldn't recognize.

-

The next day i wake up on time and actually get ready with spare time left, i decide to write my letter to Dan over text early since i have the time.

"Dear Dan,

It's your creepy letter writer here because i actually have extra time in the morning, i usually shoot out of bed last minute and  go to school without even trying, how i don't have attendance probation is honestly a miracle. Anyways, since this is now done over text i can talk to you more casually and if you don't think i'm a total loser, you can reply.  If you want i've also decided to tell you some things personality wise about myself because without my personality i sound like a robot in these letters.  So as you know my name is Phil, i'm a pretty quiet person overall because i'm not very sociable and i'm really lazy, i will actually spend money on food and delivery fees just to avoid doing dishes whenever i'm done eating. whoops.

-Phil"

[63824peace]

Thursday, 13th of october 2005

China successfully launched its second manned spacecraft. Shenzhou-6 blasted off riding a Long March 2F rocket booster. The spacecraft entered orbit within ten minutes. This launch cements China's place as the third nation in spaceflight history able to launch its own citizens out of Earth's atmosphere. Like its predecessors Russia and the United States, China made history by performing the launch without assistance.

My boyhood dream was to fly into outer space, and the dream remains within me. I would trade everything to go into outer space... my job and even my life.

I heard that Shenzhou-6's pilots are astronauts in their early forties. God, I envy them.

Japan has given up the pursuit of a national space program capable of independently launching a Japanese vessel into space. My generation laments the situation. We dreamed about outer space. I definitely want my country to persevere. I want Japanese children to inherit my generation's dream of space travel.

I read in the newspaper that Horiemon (CEO of Livedoor Co., Ltd.) recently began investing in the space industry. Perhaps now we should pin our hopes on the efforts of private companies.

I had my endoscopic examination scheduled today, so I slept in a little. I would feel so much better physically if I could get up like this every day. It seems bad to leave the house after the children though.

Here's how things generally work: the head of the family leaves home in the morning. His family sees him off to work. Then the children leave home to go to either school or work. At night, the father returns last.

"The breadwinner leaves home first." There is a subtle luxury in leaving home before all others and returning last of all. The family head can feel a sense of dignity through these routines. We live in the wrong times for these habits though, since both parents work in more and more families.

I usually get up around 6am because I have a managerial job. I arrive in my office for the morning meeting at 7am. If no morning meeting is scheduled, then I at least arrive by 9am. Kojima Productions head creative staff normally arrives in the office at 10:30am, which means they probably leave their homes between 9am and 10am. If this is so . . . are they seeing their children off to school? I have a hard time imagining that.

I left home for the exam. Of course, I didn't see any students or businessmen on their ways to the train station. I didn't even see anyone walking their dog. I didn't hear a single bark.

"Okay, I get it," I realized. "So this is how it is."

Morning had already passed. I felt guilty for some reason. I walked through the fully awakened city like a student who had overslept. The weather is really nice, by the way. Since my endoscopic procedure has been scheduled for such a sunny day, surely it means that my insides are as sharp, crisp, and clean as a fine autumn day.

Right? I really hope so...

I had to take 1800ml of Magukoloolu-P when I arrived at the hospital. (It was the same medicine that I had to take last night.) I drank two 500ml bottles of a sports drink after that.

Drink, excrete, wait fifteen minutes... drink, excrete, wait fifteen minutes... I repeated the process for two full hours in order to clean my insides. It was the most painful part of the exam. I kept up the masochism until the nurse signaled for me to stop.

The annual procedure cleans out my esophagus, stomach, duodenum, small intestine, and large intestine. The whole affair seems surreal when it is finished. I can drink clear water, and it emerges as an equally clear fluid after running from my top to my bottom. It makes me remember that the human body connects directly from the mouth to the anus.

Life forms originally used the same orifice for consumption and excretion. The mouth and the anus were one. When our great evolutionary ancestors were living in pre-sentience, they only had their intestines to handle food and waste. The complex differentiation that resulted in a separate mouth and anus had not occurred. Maybe this is why human beings have gastrointestinal trouble when we suffer too much stress.

I started reading Eiichi Ikegami's book Shangri La since I had plenty of time to wait. It's interesting. I had started reading the book before, but I quit midway.

The purification procedure concluded and the afternoon examination finally began. Even though I undergo this procedure as an annual checkup, I still feel nervous right before it begins.

I hadn't seen my doctor in six months. He refreshed me as always. He is a warm and welcoming man. The look on his face alone relieves me. I feel eased by a relationship with my doctor based on mutual trust.

The examination concluded by evening. Nothing is wrong inside my body ; I seem to be a pretty healthy man. My doctor and I agreed that we should have dinner together sometime, although I don't know when we'll be able to. He's quite busy.

We can now see inside our own hidden organs thanks to technological developments. I am like another creature inside. Today I met the secret self inside. It's a weird thought, but internal organs carry their own idiosyncratic expressions. Despite what you'd expect, they are even good looking. They looked so nice that I asked my doctor for a copy of the pictures of my innards.

I will be charged with sexual harassment if I hang these pictures around my work booth. I think I'll just keep them inside my desk drawer.

I went into the office at 5pm. It's about time for the first flood of evening's homebound rush hour. I press through those who hurry home. I move toward the Hills. I feel a strange embarrassment as I walk against the crowd's current.

I think as I walk. Nothing remains inside my body. I have nothing to digest. I don't even have the need to digest. My emptied body has an unstrained, natural repose.

I relish the emptiness. I want this feeling to endure a while longer. Perhaps an insight exists that is exclusive to people who forsake digestion: a vision only for the emptied ones. I decided not to eat until nightfall.

What is this lightness inside my body... inside my heart and mind? The laxative must have flushed out all my clotted stress.

I took care of the day's mail at the office. I dealt with the documents that needed my signature. My schedule had filled to the brim while I wasn't looking.

I am supposed to write project plans for both MGS4 and a new PSP project. Once again, I find myself unable to make a single schedule; I don't think I can write them.

My field training outfit has been delivered. We are supposed to be on different teams, so each team's camouflage pattern differs. We have a variety of camo patterns, such as Woodland and Desert. For some reason my team got black camouflage.

I doubt it will help us during daylight. Can't you do something about this Toyopy?

After twenty-four hours, I finally put food in my stomach ; I went to the restaurant ROTI for supper with Kenichiro and Ryan. It was a bit chilly, but we decided to eat on the terrace anyway.

I ordered the Roti Burger, with mushrooms of course. I held back on drinking wine, due to having just had a physical exam.

I took care of miscellaneous mundane tasks at the office, a monotonous affair of ticking checkboxes. Creativity is impossible today.

I stood in front of a four-passenger seat as I rode the train home. This was in the portion of the train connecting the cars. I listened to Depeche Mode's new album on my iPod. Across from where I stood sat two women in their thirties, a middle aged grandpa, and a young girl dressed as though she were older than her age.

I glanced down at them. My eyes paused when I saw three white cords attached individually to both women and the older man. (The young girl didn't have one.) My mind wandered a bit. "All three of them have white cords. Is this a new fashion?"

Then I noticed that I had a white cord myself.

The reality was simpler than I had imagined. The three older passengers in front of me were listening to their iPods. As I gradually realized this, the woman on the left took out her iPod.

The other woman remarked: "Oh! It's just like my iPod-Mini! It's even the same blue color!"

While I thought about this, the old grandpa took out his iPod. "W-What?!" I thought. "This old man has an iPod-Mini too?!"

I was taken aback. I own the same device as this grandpa?! I admit that I'm something of a grandpa myself, but it's still depressing to know that I have the same thing as this guy whose hair is so thinned that it looks like a barcode when combed to the side.

Few things are as awkward or irritating as having a model identical to others. Still, we should be listening to different music even though we have the same type of device. I wonder if we could invent an iPod that changes color according to the music it is playing, kind of like a chameleon changes color according to its environment.

I pushed my iPod deeper into my pocket so that no one would notice the similarities. The train arrived at the station. Passengers who needed to switch trains exited. The woman who hadn't shown her iPod put hers into her bag.

"Thank God," I sighed. "She has an iPod Shuffle."

Maybe I ought to trade my iPod-Mini for the newly released iPod-Nano. It's less of an I-Pod and more of a We-Pod now that everyone owns one.

I swam at the gym just before midnight. I need to have physical stamina for next week's field training.

Well... technically that's true. I had another reason for swimming tonight though. I wanted to know how my internal purification had affected me.

I only had an undigested burger in my body. I suspected that I had lost a lot of weight…  no, I was sure of it. I slowly mounted the scales.

"What?! I only lost half a kilogram!"

Is that all I get for my pain and discomfort?

According to Sean Penn's character Paul Rivers, we all lose 21 grams of weight when we die. A person's soul therefore weighs 21 grams. So… what's the total weight of a person's stress?

I drank a chu-hai after I returned home, even though it's normally forbidden for someone in my position. Then I went to bed.

[becccaaawww1989]

*Long Post, But If You Like Reading Please Read*

So I've decided to take on a huge project that probably SHOULD have been done sooner, but I don't think COULD have possibly been done sooner. So here's the story and here's the project:

!STORY TIME!

I was a creative writing major in college... However, I have not written anything for a year, and the whole year prior to that, every time I sat down with a notebook or at the computer it was torture. I used to save my creative writing homework for last cause I knew I'd enjoy it, but my final year that wasn't the case. I was told in my creative writing classes that my writing - if it was good enough - would protect me. It would protect me from those embarrassing moments I was writing about, and from the anger of other people because when it breaks down to it, it's a story and we read for good stories. Well, that wasn't the case. My writing was good, and that wasn't the case. Rob was wrong. I was wrong.

Then enter two years of depression followed by anxiety. Pretty much convinced I had no support from anyone in my life and then at the same time my anxiety started making up conspiracy theories about myself... how convenient. I stopped going to church, I stopped really believing in God [like I KNEW, but like... do you even care? Clearly not, so why do I put my trust in you? Type thing]. Through a very emotional night I confessed what I had been holding in for months about my confusion, bitterness and anger to Evan and of course Evan suggested I start going back to church but I was so reluctant. I didn't want to, but any time I went with him I felt almost as if my body had been full of static (like TV static) before church, and after it was like living with a clear screen. I could breathe for a little bit.

So this one day, I am sitting at work, minding my own business and this little girl comes in and gets a french manicure. Conversations take off and she starts telling me how her Dad's a pastor and I started to open up a little bit about my story and my doubts and that I grew up in church yada yada yada. So she invited me to her church... and feeling like it was maybe God finally paying attention to me again, I went. And I continued to go for a couple of months. They were warm and welcoming and EVERYTHING I WANTED... but any time there were events, my schedule didn't match up and I started to think that even though Solid Rock was what brought me back into the habit of going to church, maybe that wasn't where I was supposed to be. Which sucked cause there were a lot of amazing people there.

So then this one day I was tapping through Instagram stories and my friend from freshman year of college had posted this quick story about the church she had started going to, 2|42. I sent her a quick message about what it was like, and she was happy to respond. I then texted Evan and said "we are checking out another church." I swear I could hear his eyes roll through the phone.

Showed up at 2|42 and it was kind of everything I wanted, but for the longest time couldn't find a way to connect so while I was still going to 2|42 I was looking around at other churches... being me and preparing for the future I was already thinking "okay, I want my kids to be able to be in JBQ and Missionettes..." but I felt God pull me back and kind of tap me on the shoulder and remind me that I don't know what the future holds or if I'm still gonna be around the area for that. I had so much else to worry about before I worried about JBQ for my currently nonexistent kids. So focusing on the now, I ended up staying.

In the meantime with all of this going on, (excuse the language, but I can't find a better way to describe it...) shit hit the fan in my own personal life. I was battling with my roommate pretty much almost on a daily basis, feeling left out - on purpose - belittled, ignored and I honestly don't know what I ever did to her. As well as the Gymnastics Club board was having issues and I cared way too much about them that their stubbornness and my will to fight for myself was causing issues. When it came to personal interactions between people I called friends, I knew that I was no longer this sweet innocent freshman, I had some dirt on my hands, blood on my face, and in a lot of ways I wasn't afraid to show it. Creative writing encouraged me to un-sensor my work, so you could say my vocabulary expanded. It taught me how to talk about things in my writing that I typically wouldn't talk about. Personal thoughts, experiences, family issues, fears, intimate conversations and connections with friends. But in most conversations it felt like I would have been more respected by the people that surrounded me in my everyday life, if I had just stayed sweet and innocent, and never stood up for myself... or had never even written at times. It was as if they respected me as a Christian when I was 100% all about Jesus all the time, but didn't respect me/my beliefs when I was struggling with my faith - which is a common thing to struggle with. It was as if loosing my innocence was what lost me respect which was strange because everyone else was allowed to lose their innocence and they were welcomed with open arms into the club of people that could earn the "Platinum Certificate of Depravity." So after a night at sidetracks, I said goodbye to Dave, told him I loved him and I remember closing the door that night and deciding I needed a break.

The weeks that followed were ones where I was realizing that if I wanted to keep my income (as a nail technician) I would have to retire from gymnastics. I could not pull out one final season. So the plan was to talk to the board and strike a deal to keep my position without doing gymnastics for one last year and see if anyone wanted to be "trained" to take it over from me. But if it hadn't been for a warning from a close friend, I would have been blindsided when told that the board had not only talked about it without including me or notifying me, but had also decided that in order to continue making the videos for the team for the 2018 - 2019 season and posting on the Instagram and promoting the club... not only would i be doing that for free, but I would also have to pay the FULL 210 club dues. Without doing any of the gymnastics that came along with it. Which was the reason we were all there to begin with. I wasn't going to pay to do a job I should be getting paid for, and I wasn't going to pay to record everyone doing things I wished i could still physically do... which by the way, sucks. So I quit right then and there, handed over passwords and walked away. I gave away most of my leotards a month ago. *Not belittling the club or the current board, I am just explaining my decisions and how it felt.*

But it really left me feeling alone. All I had was work, Evan and my roommates. However, 2|42 was promoting this thing called ROOTED. If you joined there was a chance you would become a small group afterwards, so after weeks of saying no, I finally said yes. The group was a total God thing, and tonight was the first night since quitting the gymnastics club and completely walking away from it that I felt like I was going to - in all aspects of my life - be okay.

So... with that being said, I have been thinking about it, and it is about to be a huge project. But I have gone through, removed all previous pieces of writing from my blog, it is currently "Under Construction". This will take MONTHS. But I have started writing again. It is darker, and heavier and not what one would expect. However, I want to show the transformation of my life through my writing. From the moments of lost friends, to realizing that I had lost them, to the issues that followed, with the loss of faith, to feeling - like I said - covered in dirt, scares, lies, pain, drama, ultimatums and the struggle between wanting to break away from it all and become someone or something else or becoming and embracing the person you are meant to be with all of your dirt all over you. Innocence gone, friends gone, yearly traditions gone, mock awards gone, potlucks gone, Halloween and Christmas parties gone, leaving group chats, exiting conversations... to this life that has gone from a bad reputation to someone who is reclaiming it. Surrounded to alone and from alone to surrounded. From unforgivable to forgiven. From supported to unsupported from writing stories to writing poetry, from innocent -> Guilty -> Forgiven and finally a story of life without God to a life with God.

I would really love the support from anyone who enjoys reading. You can follow the link and click on the follow button or (with that button) set up an email that will be linked when I first re-launch it. I will probably share this again, but I am really excited to "relaunch" something that has had such a negative impact on my life and turn it into something I am proud of.

[bombshellinfo]

Real life Tips for a Better Work-Life Balance

It's so secret—managing all the things you have to do as an adult is a challenge. From doing your best on the job to taking care of yourself (and, if you have them, your kids) to trying to see friends and stay sane, we know you've got a lot on your plate.And while it's up for debate whether you can "have it all," you certainly ought to be able to balance everything you've got and live a happy, fulfilling life. To help you out in that pursuit, we've gathered some of the best advice out there on maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Read the tips below, and start implementing some of them today.

Managing Your Time

1. The most game-changing advice I’ve gotten is this: If you’re truly going to act on your priorities, you need to dedicate time to them. So, I took a weekly calendar and some crayons, and mapped out my priorities to create a “typical” week, with time dedicated to each of my priorities: exercise, work, family time, and so forth. I started with the “big rocks:” the most important and least flexible responsibilities (I learned this trick from Stephen Covey). For me, these were work and my children’s sports schedules. Then, I decided when I get my best work done. For example, I knew that my job required time for “deep-thinking” work, so I dedicated one day per week to be meeting-free. Alix Hughes2. One of the biggest struggles is fitting it all in to 24 hours. Waking up at 4 AM gives me extra hours in the day, and this quiet time allows me to complete projects before the house wakes up. Hannah Morgan3. To make time for hobbies, passions, and relationships outside of work, I've made sure to have a short version of what I'd ideally love to do for busy weeks. I'd rather have a nice long dinner with a friend if I can, but during a busy week, catching a 45-minute coffee during the day is better than not seeing friends at all. I love biking, but it requires more time than I have most weeks, so I've picked up running (reluctantly), since I can do it when I just have 20 minutes. Alex Cavoulacos @dailymuse reduce or eliminate multi-tasking. Be where you are!— kylie sachs (@tismoi) November 24, 20135. Instead of multi-tasking, I look for ways to overlap things. Best example: When my kids were little, I had no time for hobbies, but I was dying to try birdwatching. So I introduced it to my seven-year old son, thinking he might like it, too. He was hooked, and so we started doing birdwatching together. It became the perfect overlap of time together with a hobby for me. Kate White6. We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the "I'll have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, I've got no mates or interests left." A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long. There's got to be a middle way. Nigel Marsh

Taking Time for You

7. It's important to remember that free time doesn't have to be available time. In other words, just because Wednesday night is empty on your calendar, doesn't mean you have to say "yes" when your co-worker asks you to go to an event with her. It’s important to remind yourself that you can turn invitations down for no other reason than you want that time to yourself, that your free time can be just that—free. Erin Greenawald8. When I have a good chunk of time to myself, I sometimes feel obligated to use it to get other things done, like errands or phone calls—but I’ve learned that the only way to use that time to truly reduce my stress level is to do something totally for me. A yoga class or quick burst of exercise is a good method to calm your spinning head, or enjoy some light-hearted TV or an ice cream or coffee date with a friend. You could also spend an hour playing with the puppies at the pet store, indulging in the total silence of a library, or browsing for random treasures at a thrift store. Jessica Taylor9. I block out "me time" in the early evening. Even if I know that I'm going to get back online later and work, I realized that I'm a lot more likely to go to the gym, see friends, or cook myself a real dinner if I give myself 7-9 PM "off" to do those things before getting back online. If I finish all my work first, or even "just do my high priority work"—it's 11 PM before I stop, and I am realistically not going to go to the gym or call anyone up or even cook, I'm just going to finish my work for the night and crash. Melissa McCreery@dailymuse I use my lunchtime to do some fun stuff - short market/store trips current fave #worklifebalancetips— Kitchenbutterfly (@Kitchnbutterfly) November 23, 201311. Even if I’m feeling busy, I remind myself that time away from work and the computer is energizing and important. Scheduling downtime requires a combination of time management (deciding when else to get the work done), working ahead when possible (so I have more time later), and keeping a to-do list. Miriam Salpeter 

Having a Social Life

12. While you usually reserve fun things for the weekends, plan at least one enjoyable activity during the week. You'll be able to head into your work week with something to look forward to and have a way to blow off some steam if the week starts off too strong. Katie Douthwaite@dailymuse I look for activities that incorporate work and play so I can kill two birds with one stone, such as mixers and networking events — Desirée M. (@ImDesi) November 23, 201314. Schedule recurring social activities, like a monthly book club or weekly dinner with your best friends. By having regular activities like this written into your calendar, you'll be able to plan around them (instead of planning your social life around work).@dailymuse Set times for yourself. If you reserve an evening for plans with friends/family, you'll focus more during the day.— Melanie Albert (@melealbert) November 24, 2013

Managing Work

16. You’ll be hard pressed to find a boss who will object too much to you working on your off hours (unless she’s required to by law), but that same boss will be just as impressed if you can do the work in the eight (OK, 10) hours each day you’re there already. Make the most of the time you have in the office, and leave the rest for tomorrow. Jennifer Winter17. If you start telling people you need to leave at a certain time, you’ll be much more likely to do so. Make the commitment to yourself, and then share it with others: As you discuss plans and assignments throughout the day, tell your colleagues, “I’ve got to be out of here on time tonight, so if you need something, let me know by 3 PM.” Try this method one day, then another, and then the next. Eventually, you’ll retrain your colleagues to expect you to leave on time every day. Lea McLeod18. Ever find yourself staying at work because you don't have a reason not to? Make reasons to leave. Join groups or sign up for exercises classes that meet after work so you have to sign out at a reasonable hour. Make plans with friends ahead of time so you can't back out and just stick around the office.@dailymuse Methods of #renewal(meditation) coupled with finding projects in the work environment that are #enjoyable help maintain balance— Paul A. Mabelis (@CognitiveLibert) November 23, 201320. You have to plan when you'll leave the office from the beginning of the day. That means understanding what needs to get done for the day and getting it done first so you aren't scrambling after hours to finish up. Also, block out the last 20 minutes before you plan to leave to wrap up loose ends, so you aren't trying to send "one more email" after you were already supposed to head out of the office.21. Sometimes when you feel surrounded by work, it’s because, well, you’re surrounding yourself with work. So, be deliberate about taking time before work, after work, or on your lunch break to step away from the office. Call your significant other, your mom, or your best friend, and ask what’s going on with them, avoiding the temptation to discuss anything even remotely work-related. Your job may be your focus for the rest of the day, but for a few minutes, move it to the back burner and focus on something (anything) else. Sara McCord22. Consider some highlights of your perfect day. What would you really enjoy doing? What’s absolutely necessary for you to get done? Identify what tools or extras would make the mandatory work easier to complete. Aromatherapy while you grade papers? A powerful run? Figure out what can help you, and build it into your day. Natalie Jesionka

Enjoying Weekends and Vacation

23. Instead of saving all of your life chores for Sunday, get them out of the way as soon as possible, either by doing them first thing Saturday morning or dispersing them throughout the week. That way, instead of spending your last few hours of free time on Sunday night scrubbing the bathtub, you'll be able to fill it with something fun and relaxing. Katie Douthwaite24. Carve out some time on the weekends—at least a few hours, but ideally a whole day—to stay away from screens. Put your computer and phone away and turn off the TV, then do something physical or creative that you really love. Go for a run. Draw. Write. Your mind will be a little more refreshed and a little sharper by the end of it.25. I always faced a double-edged sword on the weekends: I loved the feeling of being ahead on Monday morning if I worked during the weekend, but I hated the feeling of losing any of my precious weekend to work. Then, I started doing some of the more mindless work on my plate while I watched a movie on Sunday nights. I still felt like I got a full weekend, but felt ahead of the game come Monday morning. Erin Greenawald@dailymuse Using my vacation time! For me traveling is relaxing and mentally enriching. I come back to work happier and more focused.— Brandi Kolmer (@brandikolmer) November 23, 201327. The nature of many jobs is that there will never be an easy time to take time off, no matter how well you plan for it in advance. But that's no reason to not go at all. It's in your employer's best interests to have well-rested and recharged employees, and vacation time is a benefit that you've earned, just like salary, so you should use it. So instead of waiting for the perfect time—which may never come along—decide that you will use your vacation time this year, and make the question one of what accommodations should be made, rather than whether accommodations can be made. Alison Green28. Before you leave for vacation, ask your boss if she expects you to check emails or listen to voice messages while you’re gone. While it’s often necessary to stay at least a little connected, make sure you proactively set some boundaries. Feel free to let your boss know that you’ll only be able to check your phone and email occasionally—say, once a day, or a few times a week. Most bosses will be fine if you only respond to critical messages until after you return to the office. Lynze Wardle Lenio29. If you don't have enough PTO to take a full vacation, try taking a day off here and there for a stay-cation or long weekend. It may not seem like much, but taking just a day or two to break out of the 9-to-5 grind can do wonders.

Making Time for Family

30. There is a phrase used by Hillary Clinton that stems from an African proverb: “It takes a village.” And it does! Getting comfortable with others lending you a hand helps not only to give you comfort that your kids are in good hands, but it helps take the stress away. I chose to have live-in help because I had an unpredictable schedule, lots of travel, late hours, and evening entertaining, and I couldn’t have someone who had to look at the clock or bus schedule. But no matter what type of babysitter, nanny, or daycare choices you make, accepting that you just cannot do it all, single-handedly, is the key. Cathie Black31. When my baby was five months old, my husband and I decided to sleep train him (which basically meant letting him cry it out for three nights in a row). Those nights were extremely hard, but the upside has been nothing short of amazing. Not only do I know that each night from 7:30 PM to 6:30 AM I'll have time to do whatever I want—eat dinner with my husband, catch up on email, watch House of Cards—but our son is so much more rested and in all around better spirits. I know sleep training can be controversial, but as a working parent, I have no doubt it was one of the best things I've done for myself, my relationship, and my baby. Dorothy McGivney32. If you or your parenting partner is able to web-surf at work, use your downtime to set up auto-ship services for the essentials: diapers, toilet paper, paper towels, and so on. Services like Amazon Prime and Diapers.com sell these items on the cheap, and they’ll be delivered to your door with free shipping. Rikki Rogers33. Flexible hours enabled by technology can allow parents to perform well at their jobs and take care of young children at the same time. If you're an employee, talk with your boss about how working from home could boost your productivity, remembering to share some specific examples of how your work will improve. Richard Branson

Getting Chores Done

34. Make your grocery run as efficient as possible by making a list coordinated to aisles or store sections. Take advantage of coupon apps (many grocery stores have them). And if the whole family has to come along, get everyone involved: If you can walk, you can shop. Rikki Rogers35. By doing my least favorite chore at the beginning of each week, it feels entirely more manageable, not to mention frees me of the burden throughout the rest of my week. The feeling of work burnout tends to increase as the week moves forward, so by frontloading your work week evenings with your least favorite tasks, you can reserve the more enjoyable work night activities for the end of the week. Monday is for laundry, Tuesday is for vacuuming and bills, Wednesday is for dry cleaning, Thursday is for a DVR marathon. And so on. Rachell Buell36. When trying to fit more in, minimize the amount of time doing anything you have to do. Try setting a goal to have dinner ready in 30 minutes or less. You'd be surprised how many things can be cooked in 25-30 minutes, and it's a surefire way of getting time back several times a week. Bonus points for cooking several meals' worth on Sunday night and only having five minutes of reheat time.37. Get creative with what chores you can outsource (and therefore avoid!). There are plenty of services out there that will take care of your least favorite tasks for you, from cleaning and cooking to laundry and shopping. Check out our list of tasks to outsource now to get you started Read the full article

[lindafrancois]

Overwhelmed? Here Are the 8 Things I Do to Get Unstuck.

“Why is my eye twitching?!”

It’s 5:45AM, and I’m lying in bed with my eyes closed. I’m exhausted because I managed to have one of my recurring nightmares the previous night where I dreamed my bed was covered in spiders—this happens once every few months, especially when I’m overtired.

It’s real enough to me that about 50% of the time I actually jump out of bed and run into the other room.

And yet, despite being sleep deprived, there’s no WAY I can go back to bed either. Because I have far too much on my mind. It looks something like this:

“ACK! I was supposed to call the dermatologist yesterday to schedule an appointment—it’s been on my to-do list for 10 days weighing me down and yet I can’t get myself to pick up the phone. Why am I so averse to talking to a human on a telephone? Just do it, idiot! Call them today at 9AM.

“Why the hell did I dream about spiders again last night? I have to write thousands of words today. And I have that awkward meeting planned stressing me out. OH **** I forgot to send my mom a mother’s day card! I did send her flowers. Is that enough? She loves cards. Can I express ship one in time? AHHHHH!

“Is that networking event I agreed to tonight or tomorrow night? Why did Past Steve commit Future Steve to that? I hate that guy! Wait, is today Wednesday? Sonofa, today is a training day at the gym too. Good luck finding time for that. Oh GOOD, I’m out of clean underwear. And the fridge is empty. And how do I have a pimple inside my nose? I would like to curl up into the fetal position and opt-out of all responsibilities today.”

They say depression is worrying about the past, while anxiety is worrying about the future.

Like many who read this site, I’m quite good at both of those things!

Even though I’m generally a happy person with a very positive outlook on life, life can get overwhelming at times and my brain likes to take over and shut everything down.

What the inside of my brain looks like: take my crazy stream of conscious above and read it in the style of slam poetry, while a Tasmanian devil plays the bongos with no discernible rhythm in the background. He then eats the bongo and starts Irish step dancing. To salsa music. While setting off fireworks.

The days where this happens are shitty.

And many shitty days in a row only seem to compound the problem.

I can get so overwhelmed that I can’t seem to make any progress on anything, and yet I know making progress on stuff is the fastest path for me to escape this maniacal prison my brain has trapped me in!

I am a logical, rational, scientific person, which means thinking through this logically, rationally, and scientifically makes sense to me.

And yet in those moments, emotions sit in the command chair and start calling the shots.

At this point, you are either nodding your head going “Steve, WTF are you talking about?” orrrrrr ”OMG I totally know what that feels like.”

I’ve been running Nerd Fitness for close to 10 years now. I’ve seen and heard it all, and been through some shit.

In that time, I’ve come to a few universal truths:

“Busy” and “overwhelm” are serious problems that don’t go away without a plan to tackle them. Having a Strategy Guide to deal with these scenarios can be huge.

Knowing that, I’ve created a personal checklist (yes, a real checklist) for myself of things I can do when I can’t seem to get out of my own head.

These ideas help me break through overwhelm—and get back to a more natural state where I can start making progress on tackling what I need to for the day.

And today, I want to share that personal checklist with you!

#1) GET AN EARLY WIN

For me, the best early win? Making my bed.

When I’m stuck in a rut, lying in bed, and faced with a daunting day ahead of me, I try to give myself a quick momentum-building win to start the day.

I learned this philosophy from William H. McRaven, retired US Navy Admiral and author of the book Make Your Bed: how you do the little things will impact how you do the big things. And by starting with a simple little thing, it can help me build momentum and show myself that I do have control and can affect the outcome of things.

Sure, I don’t make my bed with military precision (sorry Admiral!)—I simply pull the covers up as neatly as I can, I put the pillows on the bed and make sure it looks presentable. This takes less than 2 minutes and gives me a quick win before I’ve even left the room.

WHY IT WORKS: “Look, you already did a thing today. Today can be different. What’s next?” It’s an instant, quick, gratifying win that is the first action meant to build momentum.

Note: Comically, this is often the suggestion I get the most vitriol or controversy for. I’m going to ignore the argument of “this makes it easier for bed bugs Steve” or “I read that creative geniuses have messy beds and I’m unique and blah blah blah” or “nobody else sees my bed; why should I waste valuable time making it?” or “I get up early and my spouse is still asleep and thus I cannot make my bed.”

Okay, that last one is totally valid. I hear ya!

If you are vehemently opposed to making your bed (or there is a person still asleep in it!), pick another thing like cleaning up your room, cleaning out the sink, cleaning off your kitchen table, etc. as soon as you wake up to give yourself an early win. OR, just make your bed, take the win, and move on!

#2) QUICK HYGIENE FIX

At this point, I’ve already started off my day with a win in the bedroom.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Next up: self-care! This term is hot these days, like “bitcoin” and “avocado toast.”

But I’ll be damned if it’s not an actually important thing that falls by the wayside when life gets busy. And I imagine if you’re a mom or a dad, you have plenty of other people to care for, and caring for yourself is often at the bottom of the list.

And yet, a little bit of work can go a long way.

Although I work from a home office and often type these articles without pants on (too much? cool), I still find it to be incredibly valuable if I treat myself like an actual adult:

So I take a shower. I shave my face. I put on moisturizer that makes me smell like I have my act together. I actually comb my hair.

Oh, and the big one:

I floss.

Yes, I know you’re supposed to floss every day. I do not floss every day. As the late comedian Mitch Hedberg once said, “It’s as hard [to quit smoking] as it is to START flossing.”

RIP Mitch.

But I’ll be damned if my teeth don’t feel great after a good floss. For whatever reason, flossing is something that I avoid, until I actually do it and realize “that wasn’t so bad, I’m glad I did that, I feel better.”

I like to think this primes my brain to tackle other undesirable tasks later on in the day. Flossing wasn’t bad, and I’m glad I did it. What about that other task I’ve been avoiding? I bet it’s not as bad as my dumb brain has built it up to be.

That first tooth is always the hardest, but once I do one, I know it’s all downhill from there to do the rest of them.

WHY IT WORKS: They say dress for the role you want, not the one you have. And I don’t currently have a spacesuit. So I’m stuck with dressing like a more grown-up, put-together version of me. When I’m showered, shaved, shampooed, conditioned, and flossed, I just feel like a better human being worthy of some compassion and also a guy that can get things done.

Plus, I know flossing will avoid my nightmare scenario laid out here.

#3) WATCH A MOTIVATING YOUTUBE VIDEO

I have a love-hate relationship with motivation.

Mostly hate.

Motivation is a consistently flaky friend that shows up when things are good and abandons me when I need it most.

So I don’t let myself be victim to the ebbs and flows of motivation. Instead, I make motivation work for me, and use it to strategically get me out of my own way and back on track.

It’s a video I can put on that takes 5 minutes or less that makes me want to run through a brick wall. In lieu of a brick wall being readily available, it inspires me to start actually getting things done and getting closer to my goals.

So before I do any of the next steps, I often put on this SINGLE VIDEO:

WHY IT WORKS: Motivation is a real thing. And when timed correctly, it can really help me get unstuck and get the ball rolling on a project or a good pump-up talk before hitting the gym. What I don’t do is force myself to watch 40 motivational videos and run out of time to exercise. This is neither productive nor helpful. And I know motivation wanes, so I use the motivation strategically to set myself up so that I don’t need motivation later.

Side note: please don’t get lost down a youtube rabbit hole—that’s how you end up watching 15 videos about baby goats. Not that this just happened to me. Have your go-to video that you watch and reminds you that you can get stuff done, and then go do it.

#4) DO THE 10-10-10 PROTOCOL

When life gets too busy, exercise is often the first thing to get thrown by the wayside. And I know that when I can’t get a workout in, I tend to eat like an idiot too, which makes things even worse.

Which means when I’m overwhelmed and need a reminder that I’m a work in progress trying to level up my life, I do the 10-10-Protocol.

Why is it a Protocol and not a Workout? Because I’m the one writing, and I decided “protocol” made it sound way cooler and possibly makes it connected to espionage or Batman.

So what is the 10-10-10 Protocol?

Think of it like a system reboot for your body and brain:

10 push-ups

10 lunges

10-minute walk

I’m a big fan of the mentality: “do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” (Thanks, Teddy Roosevelt). And this protocol will allow you to diffuse bombs and apprehend fugitives snap out of a funk with a clear head and remind all the muscles in your body: “We’re doing fitness things today!”

This is a workout that can be done no matter what you’re wearing. It can be done in your cubicle. It can be done in a house with a mouse. Or in a box with a fox.

WHY THIS WORKS: The 10-10-10 gets the blood circulating. It gets my muscle fibers firing. It gets my brain working. And that 10 minute walk can really clear my head. It allows me to get out of my head, stop worrying about the past and the future, and just focus on what I can do TODAY.

Unsurprisingly, I get my best ideas walking around, NOT sitting at my desk. And I know I’m not alone on that—this is borrowed from Steve Jobs, who held walking meetings instead of “sit in conference room” meetings.

If you want to stop reading right now and initiate the 10-10-10 Protocol yourself, go for it.

#5) DO THE VERY NEXT THING

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling so overwhelmed at all of the things that I’m trying to do and not being able to get anything done.

It makes me want to curl up into the fetal position on the ground and hide from my responsibilities. Or play victim and lament the fact that I have so much to do. Or complain that life is so busy.

I do all of those things for about 30 seconds. And then I realize:

Busy is a choice.

It might not be my fault, but it is my responsibility.

And then I do three things:

Get mad at Past Steve for saying yes to so many things.

Make a note to start saying no to way more stuff to protect Future Steve.

Write down on paper all of the crap I have to do.

Sometimes if I feel like I could use a win, I put “make my bed,” “floss,” and “10-10-10 Protocol” at the top of the list and then immediately cross them off.

Progress and momentum for the win!

Next, I try to number these things in order of importance if possible. I ask, “Which of these things can I do today that will actually make an impact on my life?”

Then, I ask: “Okay, I now have my most important priority. What’s the very next step I need to take on this particular item? Good. Now shut the hell up and do that thing.”

As you can tell, I have to have conversations with myself like I’m a 5-year-old.

WHY THIS WORKS: When we get overwhelmed, it’s because our brains like to make Misty Mountains out of molehills. The “stuff” we have to do is nebulous, opaque, and scary. Until it gets broken down into steps.

And then it’s not so daunting. And once you can start to cross a thing or two off the list, or make meaningful progress on a project or activity, you come to the realization I come to every single time: I do have the time to do things. I need to say no to more things, I need to manage my time better, and the sooner I can get out of my head the faster I can be DONE.

No joke: halfway through writing this article I finally called the dermatologist, and timed how long the process took.

It took 2 freakin’ minutes.

This is something that had been on my to-do list weighing on me for the past 10 days, and it took me 2 minutes to schedule the damn appointment!

#6) BREATHE, IDIOT!

The past: I can’t change it!

The future: It hasn’t happened yet!

Today is a pretty good day. And yet, I have NO problem spending all of my time worrying about tomorrow.

This is suboptimal.

So I force myself to “breathe, idiot!”

(Before you get offended at my self-talk here, I mean “idiot” in a joking, loving manner to remind myself that I’m probably overcomplicating things to the point of paralysis and I need to just slow way down. Feel free to use the term “nerf herder or “cotton-headed ninny muggins” instead.)

Cool? Cool.

5 minutes. I just sit there and focus on breathing. In, out. In, out. You get the point.

I’ve tried meditating for 20 minutes a day and kept it up for 60 days (I used Headspace, and I’m also a big fan of Calm). It was like herding cats, and it didn’t unlock the secrets of the cosmos. I did enjoy the Cosmos miniseries on Fox, but that doesn’t apply here.

But just taking 5 minutes to breathe can help me slowwwww way down and just get back to work.

WHY THIS WORKS: I find big time value in reminding myself to breathe and just focus on the day I’m living. 5 minutes is enough for me to settle down and then I can go back to #5 (work on the very next step) of a project without being overwhelmed.

#7) CONSUME LESS, PRODUCE MORE

Whenever I’m overwhelmed and feeling crappy, a look back at my previous week will always reveal one constant:

I consumed more than I created.

For starters, from a pure health perspective, when I consume more than I produce—meaning I eat more calories than I burn—it’s going to result in weight gain.

The whole reason we have survived as a species is due to us producing more than we consume! Saving for a rainy day, thinking beyond just TODAY, growing more crops to share with society, etc.

So let’s get back to this concept of too much consumption.

I look back at how much time I’ve been spending consuming:

Television

Video games

Social media

Outrage news stories

Takeout

Books

In each of these instances, I’m an innocent bystander. Sure, video games are an active activity, but they can take over one’s life and contribute to overwhelm (I see you Fortnite), so I’ll put gaming in the “consumption” category.

If I’m overwhelmed, to borrow from Nate Green (who calls it “Nuclear Mode”), I recognize the things that are contributing to my overwhelm, especially the stuff that I can’t control—I see you political outrage on Facebook—and GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE.

I already don’t have any social media apps on my phone. I then use Freedom.to to block certain websites for the ENTIRE day. No more mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram. No tinfoil hat theories on Zero Hedge.

JUST GET THE STUFF DONE I NEED TO GET DONE.

And that means less consumption, more production and creation!

Writing and creating content, like this article

Playing music (violin, piano, guitar)

Cooking my own meal at home

Creating art, doodling, drawing

Creating conversation with friends

WHY THIS WORKS: Creating makes me happy, and it makes most humans happy. And yet, our default behavior is to consume because consuming is so much easier. So I remove the temptation of consumption by blocking sites and deleting apps, and emphasize creation—even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Who cares if what you create isn’t worthy of being recorded or published or hung in a museum. It’s not the end result, it’s the activity itself!

#8) ASK FOR HELP, TALK IT OUT

When I get stuck in my own head, it’s easy to feel like Chris in Get Out: trapped alone, swimming in a bottomless pit of nothingness. Eeesh, that was dark, Steve.

It’s ALSO easy to tell myself: “Suck it up, Kamb! Other people would kill to be in your position! They have it WAY worse!”

And I have to remind myself that everybody is dealing with their own stuff, and just because others have problems doesn’t mean I can’t be allowed to deal with mine!

So I ask for help. Depending on what I’m struggling with, I’m not afraid to ask for help:

I might reach out to my dad or mentors for business advice.

I might call my mom just to tell her I miss her (moms love this).

I might text my online fitness coach to ask about how I can scale or change my workout schedule.

I might schedule a therapy session to help me manage all of this stuff!

I might reach out to a friend for relationship or friendship advice.

I avoided therapy for years until my friend Lindsay once told me: “Steve, fit people still go to the gym to exercise. There’s no shame in going to exercise your mind.”

We’ve written an ENTIRE article on a Beginner’s Guide to Mental Health, and if this is something you’re interested in please consider it!

Note: if you really struggle with depression/anxiety, speaking with a mental health professional could be a game-changing experience. Please do so as soon as you can!

WHY THIS WORKS: I used to be afraid to ask for help, assuming I had to know all the answers on my own. Or that people relied on me to be the happy-go-lucky person and I wasn’t allowed to be unhappy or stressed. And then I grew up.

Now I have no problem asking for help, saying “I don’t know” even if it makes me feel foolish, and I get to a solution MUCH faster!

I know with everything being online these days, it’s easy to spend a lot of time being friendly but not having actual deep conversations with people. This is something I have to work really hard on, as I’d much rather sit at home alone with a book all day and avoid people.

And yet, in most instances, when I’m with friends or loved ones, my day gets much better as a result. And thus, I prioritize saying YES. (Just not too much, so we don’t overload Future Steve.)

Overwhelmed? Do these 8 Things

Okay! This is my 8-step kickstart kickass strategy to dealing with overwhelm and anxiety.

Feel free to hijack these 8 things and the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take these steps to get unstuck and back on track:

Get an early win

Quick hygiene fix

Watch a 5-minute motivational video

Do the 10-10-10 Protocol

Do the Very Next Thing

Breathe, idiot!

Consume less, produce more

Ask for help

Break this list in case of emergency! Write these down, print it out, design your own checklist and share it with me so I can add it here to the post, whatever you want to do!

You can do this!

I’d love to hear from you: how do you manage overwhelm, and what are the steps you take to get out of that mental quicksand?!

Leave a comment below!

-Steve

PS: This week’s Rebel Hero: Nick T: rocking his new NF Battle Gear!

I can only assume he worked out so hard and flexed so perfectly that he blew the sleeves right off of it 🙂 Nick has been a super supportive member of our community for years and I’m damn glad he’s here.

Want to be the next Rebel Hero? Take a photo of you doing something epic in your NF battle gear, tag us on Instagram with #NerdFitness #battlegear, or email us at contact@nerdfitness.com!

PHOTO SOURCES: All amazing LEGO photos are from Black Zack, whose photos are here on Flickr.

Overwhelmed? Here Are the 8 Things I Do to Get Unstuck. published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[almajonesnjna]

Overwhelmed? Here Are the 8 Things I Do to Get Unstuck.

“Why is my eye twitching?!”

It’s 5:45AM, and I’m lying in bed with my eyes closed. I’m exhausted because I managed to have one of my recurring nightmares the previous night where I dreamed my bed was covered in spiders—this happens once every few months, especially when I’m overtired.

It’s real enough to me that about 50% of the time I actually jump out of bed and run into the other room.

And yet, despite being sleep deprived, there’s no WAY I can go back to bed either. Because I have far too much on my mind. It looks something like this:

“ACK! I was supposed to call the dermatologist yesterday to schedule an appointment—it’s been on my to-do list for 10 days weighing me down and yet I can’t get myself to pick up the phone. Why am I so averse to talking to a human on a telephone? Just do it, idiot! Call them today at 9AM.

“Why the hell did I dream about spiders again last night? I have to write thousands of words today. And I have that awkward meeting planned stressing me out. OH **** I forgot to send my mom a mother’s day card! I did send her flowers. Is that enough? She loves cards. Can I express ship one in time? AHHHHH!

“Is that networking event I agreed to tonight or tomorrow night? Why did Past Steve commit Future Steve to that? I hate that guy! Wait, is today Wednesday? Sonofa, today is a training day at the gym too. Good luck finding time for that. Oh GOOD, I’m out of clean underwear. And the fridge is empty. And how do I have a pimple inside my nose? I would like to curl up into the fetal position and opt-out of all responsibilities today.”

They say depression is worrying about the past, while anxiety is worrying about the future.

Like many who read this site, I’m quite good at both of those things!

Even though I’m generally a happy person with a very positive outlook on life, life can get overwhelming at times and my brain likes to take over and shut everything down.

What the inside of my brain looks like: take my crazy stream of conscious above and read it in the style of slam poetry, while a Tasmanian devil plays the bongos with no discernible rhythm in the background. He then eats the bongo and starts Irish step dancing. Out of rhythm. While setting off fireworks.

The days where this happens are shitty.

And many shitty days in a row only seem to compound the problem.

I can get so overwhelmed that I can’t seem to make any progress on anything, and yet I know making progress on stuff is the fastest path for me to escape this maniacal prison my brain has trapped me in!

I am a logical, rational, scientific person, which means thinking through this logically, rationally, and scientifically makes sense to me.

And yet in those moments, emotions sit in the command chair and start calling the shots.

At this point, you are either nodding your head going “Steve, WTF are you talking about?” orrrrrr ”OMG I totally know what that feels like.”

I’ve been running Nerd Fitness for close to 10 years now. I’ve seen and heard it all, and been through some shit.

In that time, I’ve come to a few universal truths:

“Busy” and “overwhelm” are serious problems that don’t go away without a plan to tackle them. Having a Strategy Guide to deal with these scenarios can be huge.

Knowing that, I’ve created a personal checklist (yes, a real checklist) for myself of things I can do when I can’t seem to get out of my own head.

These ideas help me break through overwhelm—and get back to a more natural state where I can start making progress on tackling what I need to for the day.

And today, I want to share that personal checklist with you!

#1) GET AN EARLY WIN

For me, the best early win? Making my bed.

When I’m stuck in a rut, lying in bed, and faced with a daunting day ahead of me, I try to give myself a quick momentum-building win to start the day.

I learned this philosophy from William H. McRaven, retired US Navy Admiral and author of the book Make Your Bed: how you do the little things will impact how you do the big things. And by starting with a simple little thing, it can help me build momentum and show myself that I do have control and can affect the outcome of things.

Sure, I don’t make my bed with military precision (sorry Admiral!)—I simply pull the covers up as neatly as I can, I put the pillows on the bed and make sure it looks presentable. This takes less than 2 minutes and gives me a quick win before I’ve even left the room.

WHY IT WORKS: “Look, you already did a thing today. Today can be different. What’s next?” It’s an instant, quick, gratifying win that is the first action meant to build momentum.

Note: Comically, this is often the suggestion I get the most vitriol or controversy for. I’m going to ignore the argument of “this makes it easier for bed bugs Steve” or “I read that creative geniuses have messy beds and I’m unique and blah blah blah” or “nobody else sees my bed; why should I waste valuable time making it?” or “I get up early and my spouse is still asleep and thus I cannot make my bed.”

Okay, that last one is totally valid. I hear ya!

If you are vehemently opposed to making your bed (or there is a person still asleep in it!), pick another thing like cleaning up your room, cleaning out the sink, cleaning off your kitchen table, etc. as soon as you wake up to give yourself an early win. OR, just make your bed, take the win, and move on!

#2) QUICK HYGIENE FIX

At this point, I’ve already started off my day with a win in the bedroom.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Next up: self-care! This term is hot these days, like “bitcoin” and “avocado toast.”

But I’ll be damned if it’s not an actually important thing that falls by the wayside when life gets busy. And I imagine if you’re a mom or a dad, you have plenty of other people to care for, and caring for yourself is often at the bottom of the list.

And yet, a little bit of work can go a long way.

Although I work from a home office and often type these articles without pants on (too much? cool), I still find it to be incredibly valuable if I treat myself like an actual adult:

So I take a shower. I shave my face. I put on moisturizer that makes me smell like I have my act together. I actually comb my hair.

Oh, and the big one:

I floss.

Yes, I know you’re supposed to floss every day. I do not floss every day. As the late comedian Mitch Hedberg once said, “It’s as hard [to quit smoking] as it is to START flossing.”

RIP Mitch.

But I’ll be damned if my teeth don’t feel great after a good floss. For whatever reason, flossing is something that I avoid, until I actually do it and realize “that wasn’t so bad, I’m glad I did that, I feel better.”

I like to think this primes my brain to tackle other undesirable tasks later on in the day. Flossing wasn’t bad, and I’m glad I did it. What about that other task I’ve been avoiding? I bet it’s not as bad as my dumb brain has built it up to be.

That first tooth is always the hardest, but once I do one, I know it’s all downhill from there to do the rest of them.

WHY IT WORKS: They say dress for the role you want, not the one you have. And I don’t currently have a spacesuit. So I’m stuck with dressing like a more grown-up, put-together version of me. When I’m showered, shaved, shampooed, conditioned, and flossed, I just feel like a better human being worthy of some compassion and also a guy that can get things done.

Plus, I know flossing will avoid my nightmare scenario laid out here.

#3) WATCH A MOTIVATING YOUTUBE VIDEO

I have a love-hate relationship with motivation.

Mostly hate.

Motivation is a consistently flaky friend that shows up when things are good and abandons me when I need it most.

So I don’t let myself be victim to the ebbs and flows of motivation. Instead, I make motivation work for me, and use it to strategically get me out of my own way and back on track.

It’s a video I can put on that takes 5 minutes or less that makes me want to run through a brick wall. In lieu of a brick wall being readily available, it inspires me to start actually getting things done and getting closer to my goals.

So before I do any of the next steps, I often put on this SINGLE VIDEO:

WHY IT WORKS: Motivation is a real thing. And when timed correctly, it can really help me get unstuck and get the ball rolling on a project or a good pump-up talk before hitting the gym. What I don’t do is force myself to watch 40 motivational videos and run out of time to exercise. This is neither productive nor helpful. And I know motivation wanes, so I use the motivation strategically to set myself up so that I don’t need motivation later.

Side note: please don’t get lost down a youtube rabbit hole—that’s how you end up watching 15 videos about baby goats. Not that this just happened to me. Have your go-to video that you watch and reminds you that you can get stuff done, and then go do it.

#4) DO THE 10-10-10 PROTOCOL

When life gets too busy, exercise is often the first thing to get thrown by the wayside. And I know that when I can’t get a workout in, I tend to eat like an idiot too, which makes things even worse.

Which means when I’m overwhelmed and need a reminder that I’m a work in progress trying to level up my life, I do the 10-10-Protocol.

Why is it a Protocol and not a Workout? Because I’m the one writing, and I decided “protocol” made it sound way cooler and possibly makes it connected to espionage or Batman.

So what is the 10-10-10 Protocol?

Think of it like a system reboot for your body and brain:

10 push-ups

10 lunges

10-minute walk

I’m a big fan of the mentality: “do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” (Thanks, Teddy Roosevelt). And this protocol will allow you to diffuse bombs and apprehend fugitives snap out of a funk with a clear head and remind all the muscles in your body: “We’re doing fitness things today!”

This is a workout that can be done no matter what you’re wearing. It can be done in your cubicle. It can be done in a house with a mouse. Or in a box with a fox.

WHY THIS WORKS: The 10-10-10 gets the blood circulating. It gets my muscle fibers firing. It gets my brain working. And that 10 minute walk can really clear my head. It allows me to get out of my head, stop worrying about the past and the future, and just focus on what I can do TODAY.

Unsurprisingly, I get my best ideas walking around, NOT sitting at my desk. And I know I’m not alone on that—this is borrowed from Steve Jobs, who held walking meetings instead of “sit in conference room” meetings.

If you want to stop reading right now and initiate the 10-10-10 Protocol yourself, go for it.

#5) DO THE VERY NEXT THING

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling so overwhelmed at all of the things that I’m trying to do and not being able to get anything done.

It makes me want to curl up into the fetal position on the ground and hide from my responsibilities. Or play victim and lament the fact that I have so much to do. Or complain that life is so busy.

I do all of those things for about 30 seconds. And then I realize:

Busy is a choice.

It might not be my fault, but it is my responsibility.

And then I do three things:

Get mad at Past Steve for saying yes to so many things.

Make a note to start saying no to way more stuff to protect Future Steve.

Write down on paper all of the crap I have to do.

Sometimes if I feel like I could use a win, I put “make my bed,” “floss,” and “10-10-10 Protocol” at the top of the list and then immediately cross them off.

Progress and momentum for the win!

Next, I try to number these things in order of importance if possible. I ask, “Which of these things can I do today that will actually make an impact on my life?”

Then, I ask: “Okay, I now have my most important priority. What’s the very next step I need to take on this particular item? Good. Now shut the hell up and do that thing.”

As you can tell, I have to have conversations with myself like I’m a 5-year-old.

WHY THIS WORKS: When we get overwhelmed, it’s because our brains like to make Misty Mountains out of molehills. The “stuff” we have to do is nebulous, opaque, and scary. Until it gets broken down into steps.

And then it’s not so daunting. And once you can start to cross a thing or two off the list, or make meaningful progress on a project or activity, you come to the realization I come to every single time: I do have the time to do things. I need to say no to more things, I need to manage my time better, and the sooner I can get out of my head the faster I can be DONE.

No joke: halfway through writing this article I finally called the dermatologist, and timed how long the process took.

It took 2 freakin’ minutes.

This is something that had been on my to-do list weighing on me for the past 10 days, and it took me 2 minutes to schedule the damn appointment!

#6) BREATHE, IDIOT!

The past: I can’t change it!

The future: It hasn’t happened yet!

Today is a pretty good day. And yet, I have NO problem spending all of my time worrying about tomorrow.

This is suboptimal.

So I force myself to “breathe, idiot!”

(Before you get offended at my self-talk here, I mean “idiot” in a joking, loving manner to remind myself that I’m probably overcomplicating things to the point of paralysis and I need to just slow way down. Feel free to use the term “nerf herder or “cotton-headed ninny muggins” instead.)

Cool? Cool.

5 minutes. I just sit there and focus on breathing. In, out. In, out. You get the point.

I’ve tried meditating for 20 minutes a day and kept it up for 60 days (I used Headspace, and I’m also a big fan of Calm). It was like herding cats, and it didn’t unlock the secrets of the cosmos. I did enjoy the Cosmos miniseries on Fox, but that doesn’t apply here.

But just taking 5 minutes to breathe can help me slowwwww way down and just get back to work.

WHY THIS WORKS: I find big time value in reminding myself to breathe and just focus on the day I’m living. 5 minutes is enough for me to settle down and then I can go back to #5 (work on the very next step) of a project without being overwhelmed.

#7) CONSUME LESS, PRODUCE MORE

Whenever I’m overwhelmed and feeling crappy, a look back at my previous week will always reveal one constant:

I consumed more than I created.

For starters, from a pure health perspective, when I consume more than I produce—meaning I eat more calories than I burn—it’s going to result in weight gain.

The whole reason we have survived as a species is due to us producing more than we consume! Saving for a rainy day, thinking beyond just TODAY, growing more crops to share with society, etc.

So let’s get back to this concept of too much consumption.

I look back at how much time I’ve been spending consuming:

Television

Video games

Social media

Outrage news stories

Takeout

Books

In each of these instances, I’m an innocent bystander. Sure, video games are an active activity, but they can take over one’s life and contribute to overwhelm (I see you Fortnite), so I’ll put gaming in the “consumption” category.

If I’m overwhelmed, to borrow from Nate Green (who calls it “Nuclear Mode”), I recognize the things that are contributing to my overwhelm, especially the stuff that I can’t control—I see you political outrage on Facebook—and GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE.

I already don’t have any social media apps on my phone. I then use Freedom.to to block certain websites for the ENTIRE day. No more mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram. No tinfoil hat theories on Zero Hedge.

JUST GET THE STUFF DONE I NEED TO GET DONE.

And that means less consumption, more production and creation!

Writing and creating content, like this article

Playing music (violin, piano, guitar)

Cooking my own meal at home

Creating art, doodling, drawing

Creating conversation with friends

WHY THIS WORKS: Creating makes me happy, and it makes most humans happy. And yet, our default behavior is to consume because consuming is so much easier. So I remove the temptation of consumption by blocking sites and deleting apps, and emphasize creation—even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Who cares if what you create isn’t worthy of being recorded or published or hung in a museum. It’s not the end result, it’s the activity itself!

#8) ASK FOR HELP, TALK IT OUT

When I get stuck in my own head, it’s easy to feel like Chris in Get Out: trapped alone, swimming in a bottomless pit of nothingness. Eeesh, that was dark, Steve.

It’s ALSO easy to tell myself: “Suck it up, Kamb! Other people would kill to be in your position! They have it WAY worse!”

And I have to remind myself that everybody is dealing with their own stuff, and just because others have problems doesn’t mean I can’t be allowed to deal with mine!

So I ask for help. Depending on what I’m struggling with, I’m not afraid to ask for help:

I might reach out to my dad or mentors for business advice.

I might call my mom just to tell her I miss her (moms love this).

I might text my online fitness coach to ask about how I can scale or change my workout schedule.

I might schedule a therapy session to help me manage all of this stuff!

I might reach out to a friend for relationship or friendship advice.

I avoided therapy for years until my friend Lindsay once told me: “Steve, fit people still go to the gym to exercise. There’s no shame in going to exercise your mind.”

We’ve written an ENTIRE article on a Beginner’s Guide..

https://ift.tt/2GBwV7u

[joshuabradleyn]

Overwhelmed? Here Are the 8 Things I Do to Get Unstuck.

“Why is my eye twitching?!”

It’s 5:45AM, and I’m lying in bed with my eyes closed. I’m exhausted because I managed to have one of my recurring nightmares the previous night where I dreamed my bed was covered in spiders—this happens once every few months, especially when I’m overtired.

It’s real enough to me that about 50% of the time I actually jump out of bed and run into the other room.

And yet, despite being sleep deprived, there’s no WAY I can go back to bed either. Because I have far too much on my mind. It looks something like this:

“ACK! I was supposed to call the dermatologist yesterday to schedule an appointment—it’s been on my to-do list for 10 days weighing me down and yet I can’t get myself to pick up the phone. Why am I so averse to talking to a human on a telephone? Just do it, idiot! Call them today at 9AM.

“Why the hell did I dream about spiders again last night? I have to write thousands of words today. And I have that awkward meeting planned stressing me out. OH **** I forgot to send my mom a mother’s day card! I did send her flowers. Is that enough? She loves cards. Can I express ship one in time? AHHHHH!

“Is that networking event I agreed to tonight or tomorrow night? Why did Past Steve commit Future Steve to that? I hate that guy! Wait, is today Wednesday? Sonofa, today is a training day at the gym too. Good luck finding time for that. Oh GOOD, I’m out of clean underwear. And the fridge is empty. And how do I have a pimple inside my nose? I would like to curl up into the fetal position and opt-out of all responsibilities today.”

They say depression is worrying about the past, while anxiety is worrying about the future.

Like many who read this site, I’m quite good at both of those things!

Even though I’m generally a happy person with a very positive outlook on life, life can get overwhelming at times and my brain likes to take over and shut everything down.

What the inside of my brain looks like: take my crazy stream of conscious above and read it in the style of slam poetry, while a Tasmanian devil plays the bongos with no discernible rhythm in the background. He then eats the bongo and starts Irish step dancing. Out of rhythm. While setting off fireworks.

The days where this happens are shitty.

And many shitty days in a row only seem to compound the problem.

I can get so overwhelmed that I can’t seem to make any progress on anything, and yet I know making progress on stuff is the fastest path for me to escape this maniacal prison my brain has trapped me in!

I am a logical, rational, scientific person, which means thinking through this logically, rationally, and scientifically makes sense to me.

And yet in those moments, emotions sit in the command chair and start calling the shots.

At this point, you are either nodding your head going “Steve, WTF are you talking about?” orrrrrr ”OMG I totally know what that feels like.”

I’ve been running Nerd Fitness for close to 10 years now. I’ve seen and heard it all, and been through some shit.

In that time, I’ve come to a few universal truths:

“Busy” and “overwhelm” are serious problems that don’t go away without a plan to tackle them. Having a Strategy Guide to deal with these scenarios can be huge.

Knowing that, I’ve created a personal checklist (yes, a real checklist) for myself of things I can do when I can’t seem to get out of my own head.

These ideas help me break through overwhelm—and get back to a more natural state where I can start making progress on tackling what I need to for the day.

And today, I want to share that personal checklist with you!

#1) GET AN EARLY WIN

For me, the best early win? Making my bed.

When I’m stuck in a rut, lying in bed, and faced with a daunting day ahead of me, I try to give myself a quick momentum-building win to start the day.

I learned this philosophy from William H. McRaven, retired US Navy Admiral and author of the book Make Your Bed: how you do the little things will impact how you do the big things. And by starting with a simple little thing, it can help me build momentum and show myself that I do have control and can affect the outcome of things.

Sure, I don’t make my bed with military precision (sorry Admiral!)—I simply pull the covers up as neatly as I can, I put the pillows on the bed and make sure it looks presentable. This takes less than 2 minutes and gives me a quick win before I’ve even left the room.

WHY IT WORKS: “Look, you already did a thing today. Today can be different. What’s next?” It’s an instant, quick, gratifying win that is the first action meant to build momentum.

Note: Comically, this is often the suggestion I get the most vitriol or controversy for. I’m going to ignore the argument of “this makes it easier for bed bugs Steve” or “I read that creative geniuses have messy beds and I’m unique and blah blah blah” or “nobody else sees my bed; why should I waste valuable time making it?” or “I get up early and my spouse is still asleep and thus I cannot make my bed.”

Okay, that last one is totally valid. I hear ya!

If you are vehemently opposed to making your bed (or there is a person still asleep in it!), pick another thing like cleaning up your room, cleaning out the sink, cleaning off your kitchen table, etc. as soon as you wake up to give yourself an early win. OR, just make your bed, take the win, and move on!

#2) QUICK HYGIENE FIX

At this point, I’ve already started off my day with a win in the bedroom.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Next up: self-care! This term is hot these days, like “bitcoin” and “avocado toast.”

But I’ll be damned if it’s not an actually important thing that falls by the wayside when life gets busy. And I imagine if you’re a mom or a dad, you have plenty of other people to care for, and caring for yourself is often at the bottom of the list.

And yet, a little bit of work can go a long way.

Although I work from a home office and often type these articles without pants on (too much? cool), I still find it to be incredibly valuable if I treat myself like an actual adult:

So I take a shower. I shave my face. I put on moisturizer that makes me smell like I have my act together. I actually comb my hair.

Oh, and the big one:

I floss.

Yes, I know you’re supposed to floss every day. I do not floss every day. As the late comedian Mitch Hedberg once said, “It’s as hard [to quit smoking] as it is to START flossing.”

RIP Mitch.

But I’ll be damned if my teeth don’t feel great after a good floss. For whatever reason, flossing is something that I avoid, until I actually do it and realize “that wasn’t so bad, I’m glad I did that, I feel better.”

I like to think this primes my brain to tackle other undesirable tasks later on in the day. Flossing wasn’t bad, and I’m glad I did it. What about that other task I’ve been avoiding? I bet it’s not as bad as my dumb brain has built it up to be.

That first tooth is always the hardest, but once I do one, I know it’s all downhill from there to do the rest of them.

WHY IT WORKS: They say dress for the role you want, not the one you have. And I don’t currently have a spacesuit. So I’m stuck with dressing like a more grown-up, put-together version of me. When I’m showered, shaved, shampooed, conditioned, and flossed, I just feel like a better human being worthy of some compassion and also a guy that can get things done.

Plus, I know flossing will avoid my nightmare scenario laid out here.

#3) WATCH A MOTIVATING YOUTUBE VIDEO

I have a love-hate relationship with motivation.

Mostly hate.

Motivation is a consistently flaky friend that shows up when things are good and abandons me when I need it most.

So I don’t let myself be victim to the ebbs and flows of motivation. Instead, I make motivation work for me, and use it to strategically get me out of my own way and back on track.

It’s a video I can put on that takes 5 minutes or less that makes me want to run through a brick wall. In lieu of a brick wall being readily available, it inspires me to start actually getting things done and getting closer to my goals.

So before I do any of the next steps, I often put on this SINGLE VIDEO:

WHY IT WORKS: Motivation is a real thing. And when timed correctly, it can really help me get unstuck and get the ball rolling on a project or a good pump-up talk before hitting the gym. What I don’t do is force myself to watch 40 motivational videos and run out of time to exercise. This is neither productive nor helpful. And I know motivation wanes, so I use the motivation strategically to set myself up so that I don’t need motivation later.

Side note: please don’t get lost down a youtube rabbit hole—that’s how you end up watching 15 videos about baby goats. Not that this just happened to me. Have your go-to video that you watch and reminds you that you can get stuff done, and then go do it.

#4) DO THE 10-10-10 PROTOCOL

When life gets too busy, exercise is often the first thing to get thrown by the wayside. And I know that when I can’t get a workout in, I tend to eat like an idiot too, which makes things even worse.

Which means when I’m overwhelmed and need a reminder that I’m a work in progress trying to level up my life, I do the 10-10-Protocol.

Why is it a Protocol and not a Workout? Because I’m the one writing, and I decided “protocol” made it sound way cooler and possibly makes it connected to espionage or Batman.

So what is the 10-10-10 Protocol?

Think of it like a system reboot for your body and brain:

10 push-ups

10 lunges

10-minute walk

I’m a big fan of the mentality: “do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” (Thanks, Teddy Roosevelt). And this protocol will allow you to diffuse bombs and apprehend fugitives snap out of a funk with a clear head and remind all the muscles in your body: “We’re doing fitness things today!”

This is a workout that can be done no matter what you’re wearing. It can be done in your cubicle. It can be done in a house with a mouse. Or in a box with a fox.

WHY THIS WORKS: The 10-10-10 gets the blood circulating. It gets my muscle fibers firing. It gets my brain working. And that 10 minute walk can really clear my head. It allows me to get out of my head, stop worrying about the past and the future, and just focus on what I can do TODAY.

Unsurprisingly, I get my best ideas walking around, NOT sitting at my desk. And I know I’m not alone on that—this is borrowed from Steve Jobs, who held walking meetings instead of “sit in conference room” meetings.

If you want to stop reading right now and initiate the 10-10-10 Protocol yourself, go for it.

#5) DO THE VERY NEXT THING

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling so overwhelmed at all of the things that I’m trying to do and not being able to get anything done.

It makes me want to curl up into the fetal position on the ground and hide from my responsibilities. Or play victim and lament the fact that I have so much to do. Or complain that life is so busy.

I do all of those things for about 30 seconds. And then I realize:

Busy is a choice.

It might not be my fault, but it is my responsibility.

And then I do three things:

Get mad at Past Steve for saying yes to so many things.

Make a note to start saying no to way more stuff to protect Future Steve.

Write down on paper all of the crap I have to do.

Sometimes if I feel like I could use a win, I put “make my bed,” “floss,” and “10-10-10 Protocol” at the top of the list and then immediately cross them off.

Progress and momentum for the win!

Next, I try to number these things in order of importance if possible. I ask, “Which of these things can I do today that will actually make an impact on my life?”

Then, I ask: “Okay, I now have my most important priority. What’s the very next step I need to take on this particular item? Good. Now shut the hell up and do that thing.”

As you can tell, I have to have conversations with myself like I’m a 5-year-old.

WHY THIS WORKS: When we get overwhelmed, it’s because our brains like to make Misty Mountains out of molehills. The “stuff” we have to do is nebulous, opaque, and scary. Until it gets broken down into steps.

And then it’s not so daunting. And once you can start to cross a thing or two off the list, or make meaningful progress on a project or activity, you come to the realization I come to every single time: I do have the time to do things. I need to say no to more things, I need to manage my time better, and the sooner I can get out of my head the faster I can be DONE.

No joke: halfway through writing this article I finally called the dermatologist, and timed how long the process took.

It took 2 freakin’ minutes.

This is something that had been on my to-do list weighing on me for the past 10 days, and it took me 2 minutes to schedule the damn appointment!

#6) BREATHE, IDIOT!

The past: I can’t change it!

The future: It hasn’t happened yet!

Today is a pretty good day. And yet, I have NO problem spending all of my time worrying about tomorrow.

This is suboptimal.

So I force myself to “breathe, idiot!”

(Before you get offended at my self-talk here, I mean “idiot” in a joking, loving manner to remind myself that I’m probably overcomplicating things to the point of paralysis and I need to just slow way down. Feel free to use the term “nerf herder or “cotton-headed ninny muggins” instead.)

Cool? Cool.

5 minutes. I just sit there and focus on breathing. In, out. In, out. You get the point.

I’ve tried meditating for 20 minutes a day and kept it up for 60 days (I used Headspace, and I’m also a big fan of Calm). It was like herding cats, and it didn’t unlock the secrets of the cosmos. I did enjoy the Cosmos miniseries on Fox, but that doesn’t apply here.

But just taking 5 minutes to breathe can help me slowwwww way down and just get back to work.

WHY THIS WORKS: I find big time value in reminding myself to breathe and just focus on the day I’m living. 5 minutes is enough for me to settle down and then I can go back to #5 (work on the very next step) of a project without being overwhelmed.

#7) CONSUME LESS, PRODUCE MORE

Whenever I’m overwhelmed and feeling crappy, a look back at my previous week will always reveal one constant:

I consumed more than I created.

For starters, from a pure health perspective, when I consume more than I produce—meaning I eat more calories than I burn—it’s going to result in weight gain.

The whole reason we have survived as a species is due to us producing more than we consume! Saving for a rainy day, thinking beyond just TODAY, growing more crops to share with society, etc.

So let’s get back to this concept of too much consumption.

I look back at how much time I’ve been spending consuming:

Television

Video games

Social media

Outrage news stories

Takeout

Books

In each of these instances, I’m an innocent bystander. Sure, video games are an active activity, but they can take over one’s life and contribute to overwhelm (I see you Fortnite), so I’ll put gaming in the “consumption” category.

If I’m overwhelmed, to borrow from Nate Green (who calls it “Nuclear Mode”), I recognize the things that are contributing to my overwhelm, especially the stuff that I can’t control—I see you political outrage on Facebook—and GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE.

I already don’t have any social media apps on my phone. I then use Freedom.to to block certain websites for the ENTIRE day. No more mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram. No tinfoil hat theories on Zero Hedge.

JUST GET THE STUFF DONE I NEED TO GET DONE.

And that means less consumption, more production and creation!

Writing and creating content, like this article

Playing music (violin, piano, guitar)

Cooking my own meal at home

Creating art, doodling, drawing

Creating conversation with friends

WHY THIS WORKS: Creating makes me happy, and it makes most humans happy. And yet, our default behavior is to consume because consuming is so much easier. So I remove the temptation of consumption by blocking sites and deleting apps, and emphasize creation—even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Who cares if what you create isn’t worthy of being recorded or published or hung in a museum. It’s not the end result, it’s the activity itself!

#8) ASK FOR HELP, TALK IT OUT

When I get stuck in my own head, it’s easy to feel like Chris in Get Out: trapped alone, swimming in a bottomless pit of nothingness. Eeesh, that was dark, Steve.

It’s ALSO easy to tell myself: “Suck it up, Kamb! Other people would kill to be in your position! They have it WAY worse!”

And I have to remind myself that everybody is dealing with their own stuff, and just because others have problems doesn’t mean I can’t be allowed to deal with mine!

So I ask for help. Depending on what I’m struggling with, I’m not afraid to ask for help:

I might reach out to my dad or mentors for business advice.

I might call my mom just to tell her I miss her (moms love this).

I might text my online fitness coach to ask about how I can scale or change my workout schedule.

I might schedule a therapy session to help me manage all of this stuff!

I might reach out to a friend for relationship or friendship advice.

I avoided therapy for years until my friend Lindsay once told me: “Steve, fit people still go to the gym to exercise. There’s no shame in going to exercise your mind.”

We’ve written an ENTIRE article on a Beginner’s Guide..

https://ift.tt/2GBwV7u