#i was stacking my coins to stim

[fancylandbakerytaco]

Why did i punch the wall? boy am i glad you asked. my stack of dimes fell :)

[daisychainsandbowties]

do you think any of the ocs girlies (beatrice, lilith, camila, shannon) + ava & mary would be into star wars?

because i feel like lilith would definitely have Intense thoughts & opinions on it

short answer is yes! i do, but i think for various reasons.

oh beatrice, i have this headcanon about beatrice, which stems from i think a broader instinct among fic writers generally to say that beatrice is, frankly, a profound and profoundly odd little geek.

ofc i write about her love of physics and space and math and spiders (not projecting whatsoever) but i have this firm (nay, implacable) belief that when she ended up in Switzerland it was, essentially, with the clothes on her back. and her little library of sci-fi novels (obtained during after-school trips to the second-hand bookstore with one of her various babysitters) stayed at home, collecting up dust. 

so beatrice, being resourceful, took the first opportunity she could to visit the charity shop in the nearby village (honestly, coin toss as to whether she full-on snuck out of the school, climbed the railings, marched through the forest for six hours, or if she waited for an approved trip).

& in there, my stupid headcanon insists, she found a stack of books in french & german (mostly random Ludlum novels, a couple of copies of le petit nicolas) and only a handful of books in english. 

two of these were star wars: jedi apprentice novels. the first and the third, to be precise.

so she paid for these - two euros - & carted them back up to the school, where she read them approximately eleven times. after the third repetition of a nervous british teenager rolling up to the charity shop to ask after, of all things, star wars books, the proprietor put out a general call to a couple of friends as far away as Munich.

the next time Beatrice arrived down, having at this point resigned herself to reading The Bourne Identity in german, the proprietor handed her a stack of crumpled, possibly third-hand novels. 

the second jedi apprentice book, and the fifth. 

by the time she left, beatrice had a stack of these books on her chest-of-drawers, their pages yellow from sitting in a slant of sunlight. not quite the full eighteen, but around twelve, read almost to the point of annihilation.

beatrice loved them - loved obi-wan kenobi and qui-gon jinn. the lighsaber duels - which, naturally, she mimicked when left alone at kendo to do suburi. the jedi code itself! you can imagine the appeal. the found family of it all, the holding oneself aloft from anything as messy as love.

i wrote a scene about this in ligaments 5, but i like to think that beatrice, as a coping mechanism, as a kind of stimming, used to braid lilith’s hair in the back of the OCS van after missions.

which lilith tolerated not at all because she’s a touch-starved bitch (no, only because of the look Mary gave her in the rearview mirror). one time, beatrice gave her a padawan braid and Lilith, because she ‘couldn’t be bothered’, kept the damn thing in for almost a year. 

so, yes, beatrice is very fond of star wars. she has never seen the movies but (gestures vaguely in post-canon direction) when she does she of course adores obi-wan even more, and I think Luke Skywalker reminds her powerfully of Ava, and she does not think she’s very like Han Solo but Ava secretly believes that that Beatrice would absolutely make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, though she would disapprove of glitterstim. (Ava says that Lilith is Chewbacca-coded, but not in her company). 

Bea’s favourite star wars movie is probably either Rogue One or The Empire Strikes Back, but I think she has a soft spot (and a critical blindspot) for the prequel trilogy and especially Attack of the Clones (for mullet obi-wan, and just obi in general). 

plus (and she’s right about this) the prequel lighsaber fights are so much better (are obi & darth fighting in glue on the Death Star??) 

she cries possibly the whole way through the Kenobi series. 

Bea is a BIG star wars fan. she loves the message of it, particularly about the smallest people having the potential to turn the tide of violence. i think also the idea that history never resolves into a perfect version of itself; the fight goes on, forever, and is still worth fighting. 

for Ava, she probably saw a really inconsistent scattering of the movies on the beat-up TV in her room back at St. Michaels. aside from bitch-face’s annoying habit of switching the channel in the middle of movies just to be a dick; she also kept falling asleep in the middle of the movies because they ran sometimes late at night.

so, when she finds out that beatrice is a fan - which is let slip very much by accident, bea making an offhand comment with her typical, subtle humour about Adriel’s wardrobe tending towards Jedi Knight. 

so then Ava gets Camila to totally absolutely legally download ‘all the star wars’  - including the books which, yeah, beatrice has to go for a really long jog after being told this - & they watch it together. 

Ava obviously is a little familiar with the movies but now has full context. she loves the podracing scenes, thinks that young obi-wan is veeeery cute (beatrice blushes & does NOT understand why). she likes han solo - of course - and starts unironically calling people moof-milkers for jostling her at the grocery store. her favourite actually is A New Hope, chanting TRASH COMPACTOR SCENE over and over on their third re-watch. but she DOES cry over ‘i love you.’ ‘i know’ because ‘bea that basically happened to us.’ which, yeah, beatrice suddenly not living la vida loca for five seconds about that. 

Ava: only when i got frozen in carbonite you did not rescue me in a skimpy outfit. disappointing. 

Ava: lilith is soooo chewbacca-coded. that’s literally the sound she makes when she’s talking to me. plus she’d totally rip a guy’s arm off if you asked, or if she lost at chess. 

Ava: i’m gonna say that Cam is R2D2. she’s just a little guy. 

i think Ava likes video games so she totally plays Jedi: Fallen Order (& bea watches for the codex entries and because it is objectively funny to watch Ava play video games). MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A PERSON-SIZED SHIT. bea did you see that? i get on this rooftop and there’s like 8 guys, two of them have flamethrowers. plus that stupid gangly robot AND THEN THE TWO-LEG AT-AT SHOWS UP? bullshit. 

Ava: fuck i already have it on easy mode. 

so they both adore BD-1, and both are like… subtly down bad for Trilla Suduri but they do love Cal because he’s such a guy. 

‘just such a guy,’ Ava says, accidentally making him jump to his death for the fifth time in a row. 

Bea: ava you have to press L2. 

as for Lilith. they basically have to gaslight girlboss her into sitting down and watching it with them. she pouts, she lounges, she goes through two bowls of popcorn and an improbable number of Cadbury Dairy Milk bars (Cam measured her basal metabolic rate at roughly 3x what it was pre-frankenstein. though only Ava actually dares to call it ‘your frankenstein era,’ because she can survive lilith putting claws through her stomach. lilith doesn’t. say what you will about her but she’s well-versed in taking insults with a thin-lipped smile and the mere promise of violence). 

at first she is very determined not to enjoy herself, but by the time they get to the start of The Empire Strikes back (bea has Opinions about proper viewing order. originals, then prequels, the the one singular only sequel movie which is The Force Awakens) Lilith is watching Luke get body-snatched like Frodo on the very edge of her seat. she watches all of the movies with slightly embarrassing rapture, keeps touching the spot below her occipital bone where her padawan braid used to be.

bea notices, says nothing. 

she gets a little quiet during the Kenobi series because she relates a little too hard to certain characters. she rlly likes the Mandalorian (insists it has nothing to do with Grogu - though she does say that he reminds her of Ava back in the beginning)

Ava: aww u mean adorable & powerful?

Lilith: no, i mean tiny and annoying

she, i think, actually loves star wars in the end almost as much as beatrice. she relates very powerfully to characters like Reva, Trilla, even Revan when she eventually permits Camila to dump her in front of a gaming computer to play KOTOR (and yes, Lilith is scarily good at video games. when she hangs out with Ava - which she does; they get along when they’re not arguing and like to be loud and eat junk food which is not necessarily beatrice behaviour - Ava sneakily sets fallen order on the highest difficulty. Lilith dies a total of four times, most when sussing out the attack patterns of the major bosses).

she literally teleports away at the end of the game instead of dealing with her emotions. Ava’s left watching the credits like ????? did lilith just experience an emotion? 

mary & shannon both know star wars & mary has opinions (mainly about how blasters > lightsabers, and that she’d like to try podracing) but neither of them are as fond of it as the babies. Cam is like… this slaps i guess but she’s more of a ‘watch me play dark souls and weep’ type person. Ava definitely says: that looks easy let me try. and then dies ten times in a row to the lowest-tier enemy in the entire game. Ava baby you are not dark souls material. sorry. :((

anyway! i rlly do think that bea and ava and lilith love star wars. it has a lot to say about struggling against one’s own nature, against the cycle of abuse and oppression, and the importance of hope. a lot of the characters start out lonely, isolated, jaded & come to realise that you don’t have to belong to anything or anybody except the ones who love you. and you can fight for yourself but it’s better to fight for others, too, even when it opens you up to loss. 

[serene-victory-77]

Autistic Kaz Thoughts

TL;DR at the end because this is really long again

So, obviously Kaz is neurodivergent, that comes from the affects of his trauma, but it seems myself and many others have sen a strong basis for Autistic Kaz specifically, and I thought I’d like to explore that.

Some other people have talked about this but I wanted to put in my two cents

Disclaimer: A LOT of things about Kaz’s behavior line up with the effects of his trauma. My response to that is that Kaz can be autistic and traumatized at the same time. Things That Make Sense In Canon (It’s Basically Everything):

Hyperfixation:

- Magic tricks (sitting in front of a mirror for hours practicing and trying to figure them out)

- Staying awake for hours wondering how things work

- He hyperfixates on every single job to hell and back, and he enjoys figuring out every angle

Special Interests:

- Goes hand in hand with above, but magic tricks and sleight of hand are definitely his special interests

- Lock picking might also count, and card games? He seems to like all of it. Robbing...?

- Being a criminal is Kaz’s special interest. Sounds ridiculous but think about it. It helps that it keeps him alive, but he does actively enjoy it

Sensory Issues:

- A lot of this is related to his trauma but again, he can be both autistic and traumatized *shrug*

- Regardless of the Reaper’s Barge, touch aversion could be another trait. Having gloves and clothing that covers can be a good buffer from sensations he dislikes.

- He dislikes crowds/crowded because of the higher probability of touch/the Reaper’s Barge, but you can also tie that back to autism since many many don’t like being in crowds

- He likes silence (talks about sewing people’s mouths shut). He’s used to Barrel noises, but he might not like voices stacked on top of each other. Auditory sensibility is really varied, and sometimes noises are fine/sometimes they’re torture

Behavioral: 

- Again, so much of this is related to his trauma, but REGARDLESS!

- Dramatic af in the books, but both he and Inej say he’s quiet and reserved. Good with words and doesn’t seem to mind talking, but he really only talks about his hyperfixations:

- The exceptions make up almost all of the books, which is why he might come off as talkative, but he’s usually talking about a plan, having solved something/tricked someone (think conversations with Van Eck, Rollins), so of course he wants to talk. The other big exception is when he talks to Inej.

- Kaz is good at reading people, but there’s a lot to disprove that all autsitic people are bad at reading others. Many actually “over-read” and notice a lot/see things others don’t pick up on. Doesn’t make someone more socially competent (just because you know what’s happening doesn’t mean you know what to do about it). I don’t think it disqualifies him from being autistic

- Kaz is incredibly mentally organized, so over-reading people is actually helpful for him.

- With stimming, he’s amuses himself with cards, magic tricks, playing with coins and lock picks. It happens enough times to be a “thing” in the books. Sleight of hand can count as stimming.

Mental Capabilities:

- Autism doesn’t equal genius, but many autistic kids are also prodigies, and with Kaz I think it applies. 

- Autism and really good memory aren’t uncommon, and it tracks with this from Kaz:

- “Once he learned a game, it took him mere hours to master it, and then he simply couldn’t be beaten. He could remember every hand that had been played, each bet that was made. He could keep track of the deal for up to five decks.” 

- He can also do complex mental math, which can also apply to this if you want it to

Other Things That Don’t Technically Mean He’s Autistic But For Some Reason Feel Autistic To Me:

- Autistic people can wear whatever they want, but for whatever reason Kaz’s wardrobe, regardless of mocking Mercher’s, seems like it could be a product of Kaz’s specific brand of autism

- Birds of a feather flock together, all his friends are neurodivergent

- The crow motif. Neurodivergent people seems to really like corvids? Also many have animals that are just “their thing” so yeah, crows

There’s probably other stuff but I’m currently forgetting it all

Exploring This In Fics/Headcanons!:

- People can write Autistic Kaz however they want, but here are my personal thoughts: 

- I noticed I already write young Kaz as autistic-coded, as he usually only touches and talks to Jordie and is very attached to him, is quiet and likes puzzles more than ‘acting’ games, and doesn’t speak a lot but has an advanced vocab.

- Kaz can eat just about anything for survival, but it’s easy to headcanon him as actually only liking a few foods. Some autistic people are picky, and others love food, because people are different. That being said, I’m picky, so I headcanon that Kaz doesn’t really like eating with a few exceptions (things like chocolate, breakfast foods, ice cream, chips, pasta, coffee, because I love those things) and greatly dislikes many other things (I like writing that he doesn’t like carrots?? Idk)

- In Alternate Universe fics that make it hard to justify Kaz’s touch aversion with Jordie’s trauma/more modern AU’s: Autistic Kaz With Touch Sensitivity! It keeps him in character, gives him a reason to wear gloves, and adds neurodivergence without compromising his canon traits.

- His boundaries being ignored or sensory overload could also work to explain why he’s so pissed off all the damn time

- Not a lot changed between Kaz and Inej. Autistic Kaz and Trauma Kaz overlap a lot and can both work in canon, so he can still want to touch Inej like in the books. Many people have exceptions, and Inej (and Jesper, and the other Crows) would make sense as being Kaz’s exceptions. Plus, it adds to Inej’s feeling of safety because Kaz wouldn’t even think to touch her without reason/without asking until they’re a LOT more comfortable. You can still write him as being touch averse to Inej regardless of romantic feelings though.

- I think a reason Kaz isn’t talked about as an autistic possibility very often is because he’s such a badass? The portrayal of autistic people is often that they can’t be leaders, or that they’re soft and a cinnamon roll. People are more likely to make, say, Wylan autistic, and ignore the fact that Kaz has a lot going for this. So, to write Autistic Kaz realistically, what do you have to do? 

- Write him how he is in the books, with all his same habits and thoughts. In a modern AU, you can actively acknowledge it. Tag Autistic Kaz regardless of it being a focus. And in “canon universe” fics, you can still tag him as autistic, and mention how Kaz was like as a child or use introspection

- Autistic Kaz, using his canon character traits, probably won’t read as OOC

ALSO!

Jesper’s definitely ADHD and while I was writing a fic I realized Kaz and Jesper have an ADHD/Austic friendship. It’s true that Jes and Kaz don’t always understand each other, but: 

Kaz actively appreciates and likes Jesper (otherwise he wouldn’t be so hurt by Jesper’s loose tongue), and similarly to being unbothered by Wylan’s disability, I don’t think Kaz would mind Jesper’s quirks.

Since Jesper often fixates in fights, Kaz doesn’t have to worry about interference from Jesper’s brain during a job, and when it’s casual hanging out, I think Kaz just doesn’t care/actively understands where Jesper is coming from.

It’s not too supported by canon other than Kaz internally deciding that one of his best friends is going to be the hyperactive and social Jesper, despite them outwardly seeming so different

And why Jesper would pick reserved, quiet, and oddly prickly Kaz to be his best friend too. They don’t match up but if they just kinda vibe with each other/understand their brains work differently, then you have a very interesting basis for why they’re comfortable with each other.

TL;DR A lot of Kaz’s traits in the books (hyperfixations, special interests, sensory issues, behavior, mental capabilities) can be read as very autistic coded. This helps with rationalizing his behavior in AUs that lack his Jordie backstory while remaining completely in character and can also help characterize Younger Kaz. Additionally, it would not and should not compromise his badassery or competence. He and Jesper are Autsitic/ADHD friends.

[broken-clover]

AU-gust Day 7- Childhood Friends

Taking a bit of a break from Guilty Gear, so today have a Blazblue fic! I know this probably makes no sense in canon for multiple reasons but that’s what an AU is for! So have some tiny Bang and tiny Amane being tiny dorks.

Bang was a very easy person to read. More often than not, one didn’t even have to really try. If he didn’t outright state his opinions or feelings on something, his overexaggerated body language gave him away. The same applied to his interests. Whenever he found something new and exciting, it would be all he talked about.

Tenjo had caught him staring on their way back from training. A traveling caravan was passing through Wadatsumi. She had approved them days ago. As long as they didn’t cause trouble and weren’t too disruptive, she let them come through and take a few days to rest and restock. Her apprentice appeared utterly enraptured at the sight, like he’d never seen anything like it before.

“What are you looking at, Bang?” Was it anything in particular? “Do you like their horses?”

“Sparkly!”

“Sparkly?” A significant number of the travelers did seem to be wearing very eye-catching ensembles, flowy skirts and gem-studded accessories. Tenjo herself did wear some rather extravagant clothing, but she preferred keeping the colors simple. Meanwhile, they dressed in every color of the rainbow and then some. She watched Bang grab at the air towards the procession as it passed them. “Do you like all the colors?”

“Uh-huh! Sparkly!”

She supposed that they could watch for a minute or two. They weren’t in any rush. It was nice to see something happy in her beautiful Wadatsumi, with all the political strife that had been cropping up lately, it was starting to feel like everything was doom and gloom. They could all use something to take their minds off of things, even if it was temporary.

“Ten-jo-sa-ma!” Bang chirped, pointing at something else. “What’s that!”

A man in a beautiful, elaborate outfit was pinning something to the local notice board. A thick stack of papers were taking up his other arm, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see him rush off immediately to start chatting with a pair of passers-by and offer them another.

“Hmm? I don’t know. Let’s go take a look.” When the road was clear, the two of them crossed the street to get a better look. There were a few notices already put up, but the newest one stuck out like a sore thumb with its bright colors.

‘One Night Only!’ It announced, in elaborate writing. ‘Witness the beauty and grace of the Mikoto Dance Troupe! Be charmed by the stunning visual performance and melodies! Show begins at 8pm in Block 4. Free admission, donations encouraged!’

“A dancing show?” How odd. Those didn’t often come to Wadatsumi. She noticed her charge staring at the paper with bright eyes, bouncing up and down.

Had he ever seen something like this? He was a Wadatsumi native, it was unlikely a troupe had come through, and it didn’t seem probable his parents would take someone so young to another Hierarchical City for something like that. It had to be something new and interesting for him, no wonder he was so excited.

“Would you like to go to the show, Bang?” She asked. “You’ve already finished your training today, so we can go as a special treat, if you’d like.”

“We can??”

Tenjo chuckled. “Is that a yes, then?”

“YEAH!!”

++++++

“Woah…”

It seemed the festivities had attracted quite a lot of Wadatsumi’s inhabitants. She had already seen peasant farmers, politicians, and everything in between lined up to take a peek. A small crowd had already clustered around the entrance, and she could see people inside the performance area frantically carrying out more chairs to set up for their incoming audience.

“Are you alright, Bang?” She gave his hand a light squeeze. Tenjo knew he didn’t do well in crowds. In hindsight, she probably should have expected it, but all she could do now was give him as much patience as possible.

“Mmhm.” He nodded, with his face buried in his scarf to block out all the smells.

“Don’t worry, I promise it will be less crowded once we get inside.”

At least the man at the counter knew how to work fast. It didn’t take long for them to move up to the front. “Hello, ma’am! Two guests?”

“Yes.” Tenjo nodded. “Just a moment, Bang. Let me reach my pocket.” She let go of his hand, took a moment to be sure he wouldn’t immediately be swallowed up by the crowd, and dug into her robes in search of coin. Imperator or not, she could support small artists trying to make a living.

The man looked utterly dumbfounded at the pile of money she offered up. “Wow, th-thank you very much, ma’am! We appreciate your kindness!”

Had people not been donating? She hoped she hadn’t been the only person to do so. “Of course! Happy to help. May we head inside?”

“Absolutely!” He beckoned them to the gate. “Enjoy the show!”

“Thank you for being patient with me. Now we can- huh? Bang?”

When she looked down, he was nowhere to be seen. “Bang?!”

Her eyes tore around, trying to find the smallest hint of trailing red fabric. He may have been a burgeoning combatant and capable of fending for himself, she nonetheless felt anxiety pooling in her stomach.

“Ten-jo-sa-ma Ten-jo-sa-ma Ten-jo-”

Bang tried to peek out of the top of his scarf while still keeping it mushed over his nose. It had been too loud and smelly for him. Tenjo-sama had said that when he got overwhelmed, he should find a quiet place to sit until he felt better. There were a lot of tents over near the big wagons, and those seemed like a good place to hide. If he had a meltdown, then they would have to go home for the night, and he really wanted to see the pretty dancers!

One of the less-big tents across the lawn was already half-open, how lucky! He ducked inside and huddled in the corner.

“Ten-jo-sa-ma Ten-jo-sa-ma-” He mumbled to himself, rocking back and forth on his toes. It was way less crowded in the tent, and most of the bad smells had been replaced by a nice perfume. And thankfully, nobody interrupted his stimming until he started to feel a little bit more in control of himself.

“Hmm hmm, la da da~”

Bang’s ears perked up. Had someone been singing the whole time, and he had only just noticed it?

He stood back up and turned towards the sound. Part of the tent was closed off by another curtain, with light spilling out from behind. Curiously, he approached to peek out from behind.

“La-la-la-la, da-da-dum~”

A boy about his age was twirling around, clutching bright pink ribbons in his tiny fists. His dancing wasn’t as smooth or fancy as the other dancers, but it was probably the same reason he wasn’t as good at fighting as Tenjo-sama or Ka-gu-ra-nii. Kids weren’t usually the best at things, adults had lots more time to practice, so they were really good!

“La-la- oh!” On his next turn, Bang watched him trip and fall on the hem of his skirt. “Owie…”

It must have been a bad fall, because his eyes started pinching and tearing up. Or maybe he was sad he had messed up the dance? He did that sometimes when he messed up a parry or fell off the climbing wall, even when it didn’t hurt.

Well, Tenjo-sama said people got better at things when you encouraged them! Maybe that was just what this one needed to help cheer him up.

So he started to clap. “That was really good! Until the part where you tripped, but I do that all the time too!”

“-eek!” The boy shrieked, jumping back and dropping his ribbons. Why had he done that?

“That was really good!” He said again, in case he hadn’t heard. “You’re really good!”

That seemed to calm him down a little. “I thought you were Tsukiyomi-san.” He said, picking up his ribbons again. “She always yells at me for fooling around before the show.”

“Are you gonna dance up on the big stage?”

“Yeah-huh!” He replied, with a glint of eagerness in his eyes. “I just do small parts now, but when I get big they’re gonna let me do all the important dances!” The boy puffed out his chest, making the pale pink scarf he wore fluff around his head like a halo. “My name is Nishiki Amane. I’m gonna be super famous someday, so you’d better remember it!”

“A-ma-ne Nishi-ki-kun. A-ma-ne-kun.” He liked the way it rolled off his tongue. “A-ma-ne-kun.”

“Amane! That’s me! I’m gonna be so great, people will clap and cheer and throw flowers at me whenever I dance!”

“Mmm.” Bang tilted his head. “My scarf is cooler than yours.”

“What?!” Amane shouted back. “No it isn’t! Mine’s the cooler one! It’s pink! And it looks really pretty when I dance!”

“Nuh-uh!” Replied Bang, with a growing smirk. “Mine is red, and red is the best.”

“Oh yeah?” Just as quickly, Amane was grinning back. “Well if it’s so cool, then give it to me!”

The ninja took off to run around the room. “No way! It’s mine!”

“Not for long!” The other boy started chasing him in circles.

“It’s mine!”

“Gimme!”

“No!”

“Give- oof!”

The dizziness very quickly made them crash into one another and fall in a heap. The two boys sat back up, looked at one another, and burst into giggles.

“That was fun!” Bang crowed.

“I feel dizzy.” Amane began undoing the loops of his scarf. “Wanna try mine? Let’s swap!”

“Okay!”

Amane had to help him tie the knots right so the scarf went around his shoulders, and Bang helped him loop the thick red fabric around so it would fall down his back and flap behind him when he ran.

“Sparkly!” He did a little twirl, watching how the pink material practically hovered over him. “Amane-kun looks like a superhero!”

“You think so?” It looked weird with his fancy dress, but Amane looked perfectly pleased with his new accessory, twirling a little before pulling it back off and handing it over. “It’s a little too heavy to dance in, though.”

Bang hadn’t considered that. “Maybe that’s why I can’t dance good. You’re really good, can you show me how to dance?”

Amane untied the pink scarf off him and put it back on himself. “Tsukiyomi-san says 'dancers can’t be truly great unless they look their best.' So maybe if I do your makeup, you’ll be better at it!”

On the other side of the tent, there was a pretty wooden vanity with a mirror and bottles of all different things lined up on it. Amane climbed onto the chair and began rooting around. “I only get to wear lipstick during big shows, so that’s probably the best!”

He found a tube of something and popped it open. Bang watched in confused intrigue as Amane rubbed it on his own lips. Wherever he put it, they turned a bright shade of pink.

“This color’s my favorite!” Pursing his lips and turning his head back and forth let Amane look at his reflection in different ways.

“Ok ok!” Bang raised his arms toward him. “Do me now!”

“Hold on! Gotta test it and see if it’s dry first!”

“How do you do that?”

Instead of responding, Amane bent down to kiss him on the mouth. Bang felt something sticky rub off on his lips, making him reel back and swat at his face.

“Guess it wasn’t dry…” The dancer sighed unhappily. “What’s wrong?”

“Sticky! Your mouth is sticky! Boys aren’t supposed to kiss!”

“Why not?”

“Hmm…” Bang thought for a moment. He couldn’t think of a good answer. He kissed Amane back on the forehead. Then he didn’t have to worry about being sticky, though he did leave a little smear of pink on his face.

Amane beamed. “See? Boys can kiss other boys! Some of the bigger kids do it all the time.”

How interesting. Amane-kun seemed to know a lot of things. Bang liked learning from him!

“Amane?” Said a strange voice. “The show starts in fifteen minutes, are you-”

A woman bustled into the tent, tying her hair back. She seemed interested in Bang as soon as she saw him. “Ah! Are you little Bang?”

He tilted his head. “No.”

She paused, looking at him with confusion. “Oh. I’m looking for a boy your age, with a red scarf sort of like yours, have you seen him? His name is Bang.”

“Mmhm.” He nodded. “I’m Bang.”

That only confused her further. “But you just told me it wasn’t your name?”

“My name is just ‘Bang.’”

The woman smiled, though it really didn’t look like a smile. “Ah. Alright, smarty-pants, your chaperone is looking for you.”

He wasn’t sure what that meant. Amane was nice enough to explain. “Like, the person you came with. Did you come with your mom?”

“I came with Ten-jo-sa-ma.” He’d nearly forgotten about her! He had been so distracted by playing with Amane-kun. Hopefully she wouldn’t be mad.

At that very moment, Tenjo followed the woman into the tent. “Bang! I was so worried, are you alright?”

“Ten-jo-sa-ma!” He shouted, burying himself in her skirt. “It was too smelly, so I found a quiet place like you told me to!”

“That’s...yes, that’s very good of you, Bang.” She gave him a pat on the back. “But next time, please let me know before you do that, alright? I don’t want to lose track of you in such a crowded place.”

He nodded. “O-k! Look at my friend A-ma-ne-kun!”

“Oh?” Tenjo looked at the other boy. “I’m so happy to see you making friends, Bang! But the show is about to start soon, why don’t we let them get ready and find a place to sit?”

“She’s right!” The other woman started ushering Amane towards another tent. “You still have to change!”

“Bye-bye A-ma-ne-kun!” Bang waved as they departed.

Tenjo gave her apprentice a small smile as they headed towards. “Did you have fun playing?”

“Mmhm! A-ma-ne-kun is a real good dancer! He’s gonna dance up on the stage!”

“We’ll have to keep an eye out for him then, won’t we?” It was wonderful that he was making friends his own age. She noticed he didn’t have much interest in the concept. As much as she wanted him to explore and do as he pleased without being too smothered, it was a tad worrisome that he only seemed interested in talking to her or Kagura.

She felt Bang slipping from her grip. Oh no, this wasn’t going to happen again. “Bang, don’t run away!”

But he didn’t. Instead, she watched him calmly walk over to a bush of lilies and crouch. He carefully plucked a few flowers off their stems and bunched them together in his free hand.

“Bang? What are you doing? The show is about to start soon!”

After plucking a few more, he stood back up and followed. “Mmhm. O-k Ten-jo-sa-ma.”

“What are the flowers for?”

“They’re for A-ma-ne-kun! So I can throw em at him when he dances!”

Throwing them? That was a bit odd. Then again, Bang was a bit of an odd child. But as long as he was enjoying himself and wasn't causing any harm, she supposed it wasn’t a big deal.

[littenkaboodle]

I’ve slowly started to stop masking and have become more comfortable stimming in front of my family. Pace stimming is usually something I only do in private but today I walked around the coffee table in circles in front of everyone for a while. I also sat down and made a bunch of stacks of coins by size (i.e. quarter on the bottom, then nickel, then penny, and then dime) and for once nobody ridiculed me for my odd behavoir. It was great. 

I’m still not comfortable letting my echolalia out in front of other people and only do that in private or under my breath when I’m sure people can’t hear, but still, it’s nice to not have to be on guard of my stimming at any given moment for fear that I’ll be mocked. Before this, chewing (on pretty much anything that was possible to chew) was the only stim that I let others know about, and that’s really just because I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.

[moiraineswife]

Autistic!Kaz Headcanons

Just bc I can. You should all read @barrelrat‘s initial post about this that initially got me thinking this way/that inspired a few of the following. But basically I couldn’t sleep last night so here we are. 

-Kaz longing for the quiet, peaceful familiarity of the farm when he first comes to Ketterdam. The city is too big, too loud, too bright, too crowded, too much. Everything overwhelms him for the first few weeks, and he clings to Jordie as the only stable, familiar anchor that he has. 

-He picks up magic/sleight of hand quickly/easily because in addition to being a special interest, the constant, repetitive movements he practiced over and over again necessary to let him master the skills are stims. He does this a lot unconsciously. One of his favourites is manipulating small stacks of coins in his hands, or shuffling packs of cards. 

-One of the things that makes him so successful with magic, with conning, with life tbh is his Need to know why. (this is canon, and I love it, so it’s not really a hc but see if I care) His plans are so detailed, so meticulous, and generally go so well because of how thoroughly he understands each and every detail of them. It’s not enough to know that, for instance, Wylan’s timed bombs will go off when he says they will, Kaz needs to understand the mechanics behind them. This helps him spot weaknesses, flaws, and patterns, and is one of the things that makes him so successful. 

-Kaz being touch averse before Jordie’s death. Only now there are images and grief attached to the aversion. That makes it worse but also, in a twisted kind of way, better. Because at least now there’s a Reason behind it, and he can understand it. 

-Kaz plans everything. From breaking into the Ice Court, to basic, every day to-do lists. He can do it all mentally, and keep track of everything that way, but he likes writing it all down. IT’s a way of taking control and it’s grounding/calming. Probably has an old blackboard/some chalk in his office at The Slat. It’s stimmy and it means he can doodle elaborate lists and plans all over it. 

-Most of his stims are small things that he can hide. The streets worked out the notable ones from him a long time ago. He strokes the head of his cane, tracing all of the deep lines and groves in it, lingering on patches that are especially smooth. He flexes his hands - the feeling of the leather gloves curling around them is especially Good. Is also prone to leg dancing and finger tapping (especially to music. He picks out the beats of any nearby music and taps along to the them) But they’re all things that he can be discreet about. He used to hum, but when he was abandoned on the streets it was too much of a giveaway and he trained himself to stop. 

-Kaz saying he has a headache when he becomes overloaded because he doesn’t know how else to explain that he needs to leave this place now. 

-First signs of him heading towards a meltdown is always irritability. He becomes v easily frustrated, snaps sharply if interrupted, becomes frantic if he can’t easily find something, and is agitated and irritated by even small sounds in his vicinity. Will murder you for being too Loud when he’s like this because he just can’t deal with it. 

-Never has meltdowns in front of other people. He instinctively suppresses them in public/on a job. This typically causes a massive shutdown afterwards. he locks himself in his room, turns off all the light, and buries himself in his bed where it’s dark and quiet. He refuses to see anyone during that time, and everyone knows not to bother him/to let him recover in peace. 

-Has shutdowns more frequently than meltdowns. Becomes nonverbal during them, very withdrawn and unresponsive - typically the only communication anyone gets out of him then is nods/shakes of the head. 

-Bad trauma days make his sensory issues much, much worse. Some days he can’t leave his room because the very feel of the air on his skin is too much. He won’t even let Inej see him on those days, he needs to be alone to be able to meltdown/stim and process everything the way he needs to. 

-Occassionally becomes utterly Consumed by short but very very intense special interests. Once developed one in baking, it only lasted about a week but it was Intense. He was covered in flour for days and was constantly trying new things, and tweaking old recipes to make them completely perfect. Only Kaz could turn cake-making into a form of science. He experimented with different methods of mixing, different amounts of flour, the order he added the ingredients in etc etc etc. The Dregs were baffled but delighted. Nina swears she has never eaten better waffles in her entire life. 

-His cane becomes a comfort object, he gets really angsty if he doesn’t have it close at hand at all times. His gloves are comfort objects too, even if he manages to stop wearing them all the time, he always keeps them on him. Inej brings him back a small, smooth, polished stone she found on her travels - it becomes a comfort object, too. He always has it in his pocket. 

-Can recreate maps/building plans he’s studied incredibly accurately....But he has no sense of direction. Frequently gets lost in The Slat. Only manages to navigate the city bc he’s carefully memorised maps/routes/landmarks. 

-APD has him threatening to gag Jesper at least twice a week because ‘I can’t process two different speakers/conversations at once, Jesper shut up.’ 

-Loves listening to Wylan play flute. Will legit sit and listen to him quietly for hours. Wylan starts noticing when Kaz is getting overloaded and, if he’s able, will discreetly play for a little while to help ground him. 

-One time Inej changed her perfume an he became so irritated and bothered and  he couldn’t understand why which was almost more frustrating. Eventually she realised what was wrong. 

-Hates clothes with high/tight collars, they feel like they’re strangling him. 

-I’m not entirely sure if this is possible Heartrender wise, or rather, if it was possible pre-parem but, like, humour me okay? He asks Nina to use her abilities to lessen the quality of his hearing/eyesight/touch, just slightly, and only for short periods of time, but it really helps when he’s becoming overloaded. 

-Will cut you if you fuck with his routine/his plans in any way. (Always has v precise, detailed plans and no, we can’t go there first, because if we go there first then x, y, z will happen, and we won’t be able to do that, and the world will end no just everybody do as I say I have worked this shit out) 

-Absently stroking Inej’s hair = The Best Stim. 

-The pickiest of picky eaters. 

-Kaz ‘I don’t like new things’ Brekker. Nina despairs over him bc he orders exactly the same thing every single time they go out for anything to eat. 

-One time a restaurant took his item off their menu and Kaz Twitched uncomfortably until the owner told him they kept a few of the necessary ingredients on-hand for him so he could still have it. All of Ketterdam relaxed and a shrine was later built to this good woman’s sense. 

-Had to carefully teach himself to read each individual person’s tone/expressions/body language etc for each job. He constantly studies people and improves his understanding of them - it’s like watching for tells in a fight/card game, but with everything. Keeps very detailed, very extensive notes. Doesn’t realise that not everyone has to do this until Nina spots his notes on her and is just like ??? Kaz ??? is this necessary ????? 

-Dsypraxia!Kaz - performs incredible precise, delicate, deft lock-picking one minute. Bangs into the corner of a desk the next bc it was moved an inch to the right of its usual spot. 

-One day, Mathias decides to be ‘helpful’ and sets about fixing up The Slat. Kaz walks in and freezes. ‘No.’ ‘But the floorboards were creaking here so-’ ‘No.’ ‘The roof leaked a little, I thought-’ ‘No.’ ‘The carpets were-’ ‘No.’ ‘The paintwork could use a little freshening u-’ ‘No.’ Kaz threatens to drown him in the fresh tin of paint he has open and ready next to him and methodically undoes all of Mathias’ fixes until the Slat is creaking, whistling, leaking, and tripping people up as it should. 

-One time Nina got bored and decided to rearrange the furniture ‘for a change’. This did not go down well. 

-Gunshots are sensory hell tbh. 

-Views literally everything in terms of business arrangements bc it’s the only way he’s learned to really make sense of social interactions?? People are loyal to him bc he knows their secrets, and bc he’s the most beneficial to their interests than any other gang leader in Ketterdam. People will do favours for him bc he’s done things for them in the past/would do in the future. ‘I will make you waffles today, and you will promise to help me with my sensory shit at a later date when I need you to. The deal is the deal.’ ‘Uh...Kaz...We’re friends?????’ Kaz: *this does not compute* *Nina sighs and just nods and yes, yes, u strange boy, just prepare me my waffles* 

-He slowly starts to understand things on a more personal/intimate/informal level when he’s with Inej and they start getting closer. But he still, at the end of the day, rationalises/makes sense of everything via a structure that’s simple, and logical to him, and that’s by viewing it as a job. Inej is patient with him, and pretty understanding...As long as he never gets to the point of, like, ‘I have kissed you three times today, this equates to a ten minute leg massage, I would like to cash this in now, please.’ (He never does. (Except once when he was teasing her about it and she just like ffs, kaz, u had me for a minute there.)) 

-Has a ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ with a stray cat he insists he hasn’t adopted. He feeds it and gives it somewhere warm to sleep. In return it is an A++++ stim toy. V soft and it’s a great, warm presssure stim when it curls up in his lap which is obviously the only reason he lets it do this. But he has not adopted it, this is strictly a business arrangement- I can see you rolling your eyes at me, Nina. (Its name is ‘Demjin.’)