#i was so sad when it got scrapped
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gigantic getting canceled was undoubtedly the biggest letdown my g/t self has ever experienced
#g/t#giant tiny#giant/tiny#like come on#a new mainstream take on a classic just scrapped#i was so sad when it got scrapped#gone but never forgotten
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My friend said this in a vc and I had to make it real.
#Htf#happy tree friends#so context: I’m working on a silli lil HTF au and Im insane so I wanna do some designs for some of the scrapped characters#and I said like the only exception would be the sad banjo centaur man and then this was born#Ya know I expected the next thing I would post would be all the designs for the main htf cast#but turns out this is all the hellsite gets for now <33#dw I’ll still post em when I finish#I only got three more guys to do!! Yay!!
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harlan guthrie can you please promise john doe that one day he'll be audible without it being used against him. please
#PLEASE I AM DISTRAUGHT#literally every time john doe malevolent has a voice it is actively used against him in what i can only imagine is the most terrifying way#or he's speaking through arthur. but every time he's given his own voice#that's all he has. he has a voice a hand and a foot. please he's clinging to the scraps of his autonomy all the time you can't DO this#and he's actively not trying to use the hand and foot too much for arthur's sake and his voice is all he has are you hearing me. that's IT#honestly he SHOULD be frustrated anyone would be#yes the grand vizier really got to me in part 40 can you tell. just wanting your own body and wanting a voice#and when you meet someone who is willing to give you a voice he is doing it solely to stand against you. to actively take choice from you.#please i am so sad#malevolent#john doe malevolent#malevolent spoilers#sorry for all the tags i am not articulate. but i hope i got it across
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#do you ever think about the way thinks die? i dont mean bodies. i mean the idea of things.#when a building was a place where people went and worked. somwtimes thousands of them. and then the people stop coming and the idea of the#the place gradually dies. and people start to forget. the writing on graves wear away until theyre just empty pillars#marking the location of someone that no one remembers. someone whose name will never be spoken again because all of their#impact has been washed away. how an object you poured your whole life into can suddenly become a scrap of technological trash.#how the bodies of a million plants and animals hundreds and millions of years old. compressed into soft smearing#sedimentary rock can be burned away to ash. obstructing the sky over point pleasant where 46 people died in a bridge collapse 10 days before#Christmas and people only remember the mothman. dying towns and dying building and dying ideas. i do this dumb thing all the time where i#declare the death of ideas. sometimes to myself. sometimes out loud. i dont thibk anyone knows im doing it. i just give them a 'so it goes'#bc i read slaughterhouse 5 in high school and couldnt shake the repeated decorations of death. i was going to read a book today. so it goes.#my mom was going to fly out and take care of me when i got my wisdome teeth out. so it goes. that place used to be a glass factory but the#y abandoned it 20 years ago. so it goes. life is a sequence of dying ideas. living by falling through a corpse. and its not that im in#dispair about it. its terrifying and sad that nothing lasts and change is the only constant. and i grieve for the dead things that will#never be known. the things that were born in the dark. were never seen and then died there. but there's something about the process of#living and dying that i find deeply compelling. to watching something spin into life and then sputter out to nothing. and that every other#thing to ever exist is on the same trajectory just at a different timescale. i dunno. theres something beautiful in that. and theres#something beautiful in thinking about all the dead and dying things. at least. i think there is...#unrelated
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Anyway. I still think a lot about the fact that the scrapped DLCs would have had us meet Aranea’s adopted daughter: literal heir to the empire and woman of the people and rising light in a dying world and very much her mother’s daughter. Because yes Aranea is the best. We were right: 10/10 character. And now she’s a mom. And that only makes her cooler. Also look at her cool daughter.
And the final party would have likely been Luna, Noctis, Aranea, and Ardyn. You know. Healer/Princess, Dark Knight/Prince, Dragoon, Stranger (screaming in classic FF).
I picture SE throwing up a peace sign and then dabbing out of the room after commissioning the novellas.
#final fantasy xv#ffxv#am I shocked the lady dlcs got scrapped#no#but when SE really invests in its heroines we get Terra and Aerith and Yuna#so I’ll always be a bit sad we#never got their perspectives explored in-game
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FINALLY started titanfall 2, the movement will take a little getting used to but i'm pleased to find it's way easier to pull off than i thought it would be, the ghost runner is so helpful and i like the game's clever ways of giving you Cool Badass Moments very organically.
#ignore me#i'm very early in - sewage treatment plant section pre-cain fight#i got swarmed by the ticks and megaexploded for the first time and went 'ooo this is gonna be annoying. im gonna stop for a bit'#i'm having a bit of trouble orienting myself and keeping track of my surroundings but that's how i am in Every Game i get lost super easy#and the very minimal hud/quest tracker is nice and unobtrusive but also aids me in getting lost a bit#not too much though! i get turned around a little and then i figure it out#they're good at signposting your path pretty clearly with lighting & such so i can get back on track easy#a lot of the weapons feel VERY good to use too#probably my favorite moment so far is coming back from grabbing the first battery to find the imc guys around bt#and theyre talking about scrapping and selling him and i was sneaking up stealthy#and one of them says something like 'you'll say something different when the pilot has a gun to your head'#and i was like aha! my cue! and promptly landed a headshot on All Of Them in sequence which felt SO GOOD#so my review is 10000/10 good fucking game i'm bad at it but it's great#for context i have always been hesitant about platformers/games that require you to Be Creative about Movement#bc i was traumatized in my early years by fancy pants adventure 2 NO IM NOT KIDDING#I NEVER FIGURED OUT WALL JUMPS AND I FELT BAD ABOUT IT FOR AGES AND I DO STILL THINK ABOUT IT AND GET SAD
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Happy birthday to my first created cos character
#cos is the name of my wip btw#HAPPY BDAY JAIDEN!!#fun facts about her and her creation#- I made her in the 8th grade. she was very typical of a 13 year olds oc but as i got older and became a better writer/character creator#rather than just scrap her I held onto her and changed and improved hef#*her#very happy with her progress!#and I’m not ashamed of her early stages#yes I consider her early stages to have been a not well made character BUT young me loved her so much (and I still do!)#- she was actually created as response to the end of gravity falls cuz that was my hyperfixation for a long time and I was sad when it ende#but if I remember right after the finale Alex hirsch tweeted something like ‘find your own gravity falls’ cuz ppl were sad the show ended#which lead to young me sitting down and wondering what that could have been#and tada! I created an oc I’ve been obsessed with since I was in middle school!#(cos has become new hyperfixation I ain’t gonna lie)#- she is so old (creation timeline wise) that she existed years before I called my wip cos#cos stands for ‘child of stars’ which I decided on in mid-late high school?#but anyways ‘Jaiden’ (her name wasn’t Jaiden for a long time bc I kept changing it) existed a few years before any of my other cos characte#Akira I believe was the second one I made?#I just wrote an entire essay in the tags here dang#congrats on reading it tho!!
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sometimes i miss how i engaged with my interests before i started being more online, there was a purity and authenticity to it
#it got destroyed unfortunately so I can't post pictures but when i was obsessed with the Jonas Brothers from age 11-14#i had a scrap book in a composition book of pictures of them I'd cut out from magazines and I'd write stupid things#at no point was i influenced by people other than some irl friends who shared in and fueled my obsession#i didn't give a fuck about other people opinions or discourse#i just vibed by myself and did t care if people thought I was weird or a freak#which. a lot of people teased and picked on me for my weirdness.. and unfortunately it's tainted how i interact with interests now#I don't let people see or know what i like or am into. bc I remember the teasing and mocking#and part of me is like 'no kill that part that learned to cringe#bc even tho I literally do not gaf about the Jonas brothers nowadays#I can't deny how pure and authentic my passion was#I'm really sad that journal got ruined and i had to throw it away bc it was so cool actually#i wish I could tell my 13 y/o self how cool their 28 y/o self thinks they are#fuckin hurricanes.. ruin everything
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me: this chapter is going to be super fun and lighthearted! no sad thoughts today, no sir!
some demon inside me: this character is going to become so guilt ridden that they dissociate due to being reminded of their past
me: but... why.... you don't have to do this....
some demon inside me: vibes
#when authors say that they have no control WE MEAN IT OKAY#i did not PLAN for over a thousand words of angst it just happened okay?!#we'll see if it survives my beta reader but for now this is what is happening guess#I have noticed that for whatever reason when i don't know how to continue a scene i default to pov character dissociates/has a panic attack#i uh....i don't know what that says about me#probably nothing good#so far ive scrapped like four unplanned panic attack/dissociation scenes in the making of this fic#and theres still SEVERAL left that got published#so yeah i think this is a sign of a problem#dunno what to do about it tho#my beta reader is constantly commenting just Tired#“kat you're projecting your anger over mishima's treatment onto akira again”#“kat akira would not threaten mishima's parents with a knife where did he get the knife”#“kat why is akechi crying panicking over akira being sad hes known him for two days”#“kat. akechi is far too repressed to do that.”#“kat why is akechi admitting to caring about people this early on”#“kat mishima would not stand up for himself like this”#“kat akira would not become a stalker to protect mishima”#“kat the only person you've shown with stalker tendencies so far is akechi and he does not care enough about mishima to do that”#“kat. no.”#she's right tho#grass i know you read my posts and i love you for this <3#still laugh about that time i messaged you like “hey i think im projecting too much of my mishima feelings onto akira in this scene”#and you were like “if even YOU are noticing it then YEAH YOU PROBABLY ARE”#randum thots#some fic i wrote
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Love when media lets their main characters fail. And not the pathetic makes you want to wrap them in a blanket failure. But a failure borne through pain and suffering as they watch everything they were trying to protect crumble. A failure that hurts. A failure that feels hopeless. A failure that has them grit their teeth and push back tears as they desperately cling to hope that maybe, just maybe, if they try hard enough they can win
#man this season finale got me fucked bro#it's a literal children's show rated TV-Y7#but they do such a good job of showing things like self doubt and imposter syndrome. and even things like anxiety as a result of fear#one of the side characters straight up has ptsd and you don't really know until he has a flashback#and while he lost it against a bad guy. they show the pain and sadness he feels at succumbing the flashback so violently#idk. maybe this stuff caught me so off guard I'm thinking too deep#but like man. just man#shoulda known the finale would be insane when they had the reoccurring villain tear up and show fear when mc destroyed her big weapon#or when they straight implied that reoccurring villain's lackeys were fucking killed#like it's still a young kid's show so they bounce back p fast and lean into the exaggeration comedy#but they still had mc knowing he was fighting a losing battle and struggle through the terror of it#i think it's BECAUSE it's usually so light hearted and jokey that the seriousness hit so hard#kake scraps
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OH right i was gonna babble my thoughts after the poll ended. altho firstly thank yall for ur votes n thoughts!! again it wasn't for any particular reason other than curiosity but its been nice to see nonetheless. ill put my thoughts under a readmore <:]
as a fair heads up though my vote was Nuance and i talk about some frustration so uh. please know im not trying to be a dick and my biggest opinion is just People should do what they Like and have Fun Regardless of what I or Anyone Else may think because that's more important than some randos thoughts on the internet.
ok? ok!
i guess the best way to sum up my feelings personally is that. i consider my special interest in pokepastas completely seperate than my smaller interests in fnf stuff?
i have. OPINIONS abt lullaby and its interpretations of some stories (good and bad but that's a tangent for another day or perhaps Never lol), but regardless i still respect it and i LIKE its music and its original concepts!
honestly i feel pretty neutral abt fnf mods in general, though its not a. I Don't Care neutrality but more a "the positives and negatives i feel are equal in my mind" neutrality. they're a fun thing to watch, mess around with, and play (i fucking love playing rhythm games) and i tend to enjoy a LOT of the music, mainly- sometimes we dick around and do covers even just for songs we like and can think abt ^^ its just fun to mess with sometimes!!
but then there's stuff that bog it down for me a bit, though its mostly fandomside... just how. some people seem to take the most Popular Mod's Interpretations as gospel, to the point that lullaby is 90% of what i see in the pokepasta tag now. i don't have anything against lullaby or its takes, and im not gonna get on someones ass for liking them, but it just gets a little frustrating sometimes- how most ppls accepted takes have all been melted down to a Single interpretation from a Single Friday Night Funkin Mod. ive been using vaguer terms bc its not just a pokepasta thing- a LOT of creepypastas i grew up with that got popular mods, ie sonic.exe, ANY mario horror stuff, suicide mouse, etc, seemed to end up like this... though more notably and what i wish more than anything was for ppl to give other pastas a chance- one person mentioned it, but there very much seemed to be a thing of "The same Five Characters showing up in the popular fandom space while other good and creative stories that weren't in the mod don't get much of anything" - though recently its been less prominent i will say!!
IN THE END THOUGH i don't wanna sound fucking pretentious about it- its POKEMON CREEPYPASTAS at the end of the day 😭 and i am NOT about to harass and gatekeep people over this shit, the more the merrier yknow? the lullaby versions are perfectly ffffine interpretations and the only thing i really care about is just like... as long as everyone is having fun and not being a dick, do what you wanna do!
sometimes though.. i truly do just want to grab ppl by the shoulders and ask "did we read the same source material, or did you just get your understanding of this creepypasta exclusively from a 3-5 minute song without lyrics, the funkpedia wiki, and the fandom tags"
[ok this is a little offa our usual posts, but we mods have been chatting and got curious. so this goes out to our audience and any other pokepasta enjoyers who see this]
[we've noticed a lot of the currently active pokepasta fanbase, including some of our followers, are largely into Lullaby and we got curious abt that specifically. THERE IS NO WRONG ANSWER and certainly no judgement from us, this is a curiosity thing! id love to hear specific thoughts n opinions if yallre willing and maybe after the polls over ill share my own thoughts on my sideblog.]
#idk how to tag this auughhgg. oh well.#funny tangent. way back yonder before lullaby v2 dropped i remember finding isotope v1#and we were a BIG glitchy fan so i was soooo sad like aw... my mans song got scrapped :(#i wish he couldve gotten his spot in there... n some attention...... oh well..#And Thus The Monkey's Paw Curled. and now he's a big booby bara sexyman#anyways GOD PLEASE AGAIN IM NOT A HATER IM NOT A HATER#if this comes off as mean or out of pocket im so fucking sorry that's not how its meant to be ;;#its hard to find a way to phrase or parse the thoughts i have without sounding like i just Hate Lullaby and all of its fans#when that is simply Not True. ig its more frustration with fandom culture not the media and fans themselves!!!!#god i hope this doesn't sound shitty or pretentious or gatekeepy. there's no wrong way to enjoy what u enjoy#and end the end That is That. i can think what i think and say what i say but that's more important to me than anything#is people doing what they want and having fun
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Disappointed in the Vander backstory
I fully expected that it was coming, but I'm disappointed in the timeline all the same.
The "Vander got upset because a fight against Piltover Silco instigated killed the woman he loved" was literally my first draft for my longfic Fathers and Daughters, and I ended up scrapping it because I felt it was too cheap and wouldn't justify the violence of his actions against Silco.
"When she died I lost my head" he says in the letter.
But when she died you actually dropped your gauntlets and picked up the girls and everyone has been assuming this was the moment you swore off violence...
The fact she goes on to let Vander name her kid, and seems to be thick as thieves with them, and ALSO tells them of the pregnancy before she builds up the courage to tell her partner... Tells me that surely... SURELY by the time Vi is 10-11, whatever she is on the bridge in season 1, she would KNOW SILCO as her mom's bestie, no??? Not just Vander.
It feels like this entire angle is pulled under the rug to simplify the conflict in act 1.
I do appreciate being right on the money with Silco knowing and being friends with the mom, and having known Vi as a baby. I think it makes sense, especially if he was an important community leader.
I just hate her death being the catalyst of Vander's actions against Silco. It means that the timeline actually like this:
Mom-Silco-Vander are best friends. Silco is "Bozo 1" and has been leading the transformation of the Lanes with Vander's help. He's already planning his nation of Zaun. His notebook is literally saying "NZ" for Nation of Zaun.
At an ONGOING confrontation with enforcers, Silco throws a molotov cocktails that doesn't seem to even kill an enforcer (Powder and her innefectual bombs parallel? The entire scene is intercut with the monkey bomb clapping so... The scene leading to a friend's death also parallels the events of Jinx's birth.)
As the smoke clears/the POV looks down, we have the reveal that the girls' Mom is dead.
Vander admits the blood was on his hands as well, meaning he either started this confrontation with Silco, or fought just as badly/increased the violence (and we see him murder enforcers later on). Anyway he admits to carrying the blame, and apologized in person to Silco for the dubbed "betrayal".
Then he went home, shaved, dragged Silco into the Pilt, and tried to drown him *because their common friend died at the failed uprising*.
He's then haunted, seemingly, by visions of Silco being dead:
To me it's sort of weaker and sadder, as it establishes Vander as someone more flawed and less ruthless. It's not that he wanted the Lanes, it's not that Silco was getting in the way of what he wanted.
Vander was out there happy with everything they were dishing out, right until their actions cost the life of a friend, and he broke, emotionally, and BLAMED it on Silco, going so far as to kill him (or try).
He surrendered his gauntlets, picked the children up, tucked them in at home, shaved (I cannot stress this enough), then took Silco into the fucking river and brutally attempted to murder him.
Then he massively regretted it and left little breadcrumbs of apologies in case Silco found them and returned to him.
So, canon couple, first off lol
Fellas, is it gay to hang your jackets inside each other's in your secret hideout? Is it gay that all your core hidden memories begin with your mate smiling at you?
Yes, yes it is. Zaundad is canon and I'm not taking commentary.
Secondly, that means Vander was an emotional ticking time bomb who wasn't ready for the price to sacrifice in order to gain their freedom. I really wonder what the alternative reality would have been like, were Silco the one dying on that bridge.
Anyway, it brings some twisted sadness to the situation, because the mom wanted Zaun "no matter what" for Vi's sake, her child's future. But Vander decided that lives weren't worth spilling over that dream and tried to kill Silco over it, before teaming up with Grayson to continue enforcing a status quo.
So that means that Silco, even as he raises Jinx, is continuing her mother's dream, of building Zaun, a country that's safe for her children, "no matter what".
But very sadly the show also acts like Silco doesn't know the kids, and like the kids don't know him. Powder, sure, but Vi not knowing Silco is just downright stupid. Not even knowing him by name? When her mom was out fighting alongside him??? The mom is ALSO a miner, very clearly working with Silco and Vander, alongside the nameless poor husband.
I feel like this doesn't really solve the issues that were already raised when we speculated about act 1. It just clarifies that Vander was truly, willfully a force of oppression inside the fissures, working against the revolution necessary for Zaun becoming possible.
But it implies Silco didn't recognise Powder and Vi, and that Vi didn't recognise him or understand how he knew Vander. It's a disservice to the story, because that tie, that old bond, could really have worked to dramatize the sacrifices Silco is ready to make, as well as the depth of Vi's hatred for him.
But the show acts like they're strangers and that Vander's death is the core beef between them until Jinx enters the picture.
And then there's the Benzo scene, when Vander holds his wound from Silco's knife, and says "we both know there's worse than enforcers out there" WHO ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT??? Yourself? You seem to be the worst thing around here! It seems clear he knew Silco was alive but had nothing to blame him for by then.
I'm left with holes that take the shape of "shock value" and "plot twist".
"Ooooh Silco knew the mom, twiiiist, but please don't think about the implications, because we wrote season 1 without taking this in consideration."
Feels like another job for fic writers, but IDK if I have the strength for it. I just like my own version better.
At least now we know that Silco did not IN FACT DO anything to "deserve" what he got. I'm sorry, but throwing a molotov at enforcers when fighting for your freedom is based and Vander was dishing death right there next to him.
The base violence necessary for change, eh? Vander just delayed the price being paid for Zaun's creation.
#arcane#arcane meta#arcane 2#arcane 2 meta#zaundads#vanco#silco#vander#arcane silco#arcane vander#arcane spoilers#arcane 2 spoilers
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I reckon the whole HalimedeMF thing was a funny enough bit by itself, but it's a really grim sign that so many people completely missed the point. Like you've got this comical exaggeration of a Chaser "ally", someone whose "support" for trans women is clearly nothing but the product of dehumanising sexual desire, and yet Trans Women are such a viciously marginalised demographic that so many girls will latch onto every illusory shred of support and "acceptance" they see. It's especially miserable when you think about how that's more or less the way real chasers operate too; exploiting our vulnerability for their own gratification and half the time getting thanked for it
Your average HalimedeMF post was something like "It's so sad that Trans suffers when she should be giving me dick. Dick specifically. Did I mention the dick?" and so many people responded like "Wow she actually thinks it's sad when Trans suffers? I need her so bad". Like girl this isn't someone you're meant to want around this is the caricature of someone to be laughed at and blocked.
And I know a lot of girls were just playing along with the bit but there was consistently a scary amount of sincerity to that sort of thing. Like seeing girls so desperate to feel wanted in any way that they develop positive feelings towards the shadow of an exploitative creep really reminds you of just how dire things are. Living under societal transmisogyny really does make you feel like a lower form of life; even scraps of decency seem like a privilege
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[Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint] 5 years of waiting for Han Myungoh to reappear in the manhwa only for him to be changed into a completely new person. Disappointment.
[NOTE: I don't have anything against people who like Han Myungoh's Demon Earl design.] This will be me ranting/venting about Han Myungoh's new design. Don't get me wrong, I still like Han Myungoh. I love him a lot, I'm just letting out my frustration.
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"There were many small wrinkles on Han Myungoh’s face. Moreover, his whole skin was blackened. Putting aside the wrinkles, the skin discoloration was a sign of a species variation. The longer I looked, the more I could see the old face. Still, many human traces were missing and it was hard to know without looking closely." - chapter 204, Unidentified Wall
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Getting this out of the way before I start: I know that the manhwa design is accurate to the novel description, I know that there are many technical reasons why his design in the manhwa differs from merch/official art/etc., and I'M NOT HATING ON HAN MYUNGOH'S NEW DESIGN.
Okay.
I'm sad at the manhwa version of Han Myungoh's demon form.
Particularly, I'm upset since I doubt they'd make such a drastic change with any of the other KDJ Co. members. [There's Kim Dokja's demon form, but even then I could still tell that it's Kim Dokja, unlike with Han Myungoh.]
I knew he was gonna look different but something this drastic makes me feel distressed. Han Myungoh was the first, and currently still the only comfort character I have in my life, which is surprising since I never expected to even have a comfort character. Loved him in the novel, loved him even more when he was finally drawn by artists, then the manhwa adaptation trailer dropped and I was PUMPED.
I think what really pisses me off even more is that there's barely anything about him in the first place. I live off of scraps. I really only read the manhwa for him if I'm being honest, I prefer the novel ORV. I've waited for so long for him to finally appear in future chapters again, and when he does come back, he's completely unrecognizable!
It's not even the fact that HMO got redesigned, it's the fact that he looks like a completely different character! What happened?! That's not him, who is that?!
Like, just put yourself in my shoes for a second. Imagine Yoo Joonhyuk disappearing for the entirety of the manhwa adaptation and then when his long awaited comeback is here, he suddenly has long white hair, blue eyes, a chiseled jawline and a completely different outfit, like- you see where I'm coming from, right?!
I'm genuinely so distraught over this lmao, like /gen /extremely neg.
With that out of the way, I've processed this loss for a long time now and I've accepted the fact that I'll never see "Han Myungoh" in the manhwa ever again. I will love both designs even if I favor one more than the other, because it's Han Myungoh and I love Han Myungoh. I'll love him even if he was a worm.
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#orv han myungoh#han myungoh orv#MY WIIIFFEEEE IT'S MY WIIFFEEEE#gosh#I love making Han Myungoh purple#it's so ⊹ .𝔸𝔼𝕊𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕋𝕀ℂ⊹ .#my beloved purple man#and not the one from fnaf
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Do You Love?
Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x wife!reader
Summary: Feyd is soft for his wife and only wants to know if she loves him. His wife just wants him to come home.
Notes/Warnings: fluff and a little angst and very light smut (still 18+), softy-soft Feyd, probably could do with a wedding prequel if people were interested, im sure there are typos. I think that's it.
Words: 1400
Feyd-Rautha Masterlist
He hates being away from you. Can't bear it. It takes less than two days for withdrawal from your lack of presence to settle in, and when it hits, it hits hard. The luminescence of your smile that threatens the darkness within him on his worst days; the delicate suppleness of your skin that introduced him to the softness and warmth of a human body; the specific quality and tone of your voice when you whisper and whimper and moan in his ear—he needs it. He needs you. He craves you until the second you’re in his arms again. He just wishes he could understand if you feel the same. He wishes he could know if you love him as much as he does you.
When you came into his life, you were a pawn for peace. A gift from one Great House to another. A reluctant bride who couldn’t choke back her tears on her wedding day. He’ll never forget the saltiness that lingered on his lips after the kiss that bound you to him forever. He can still feel the pang in his heart from seeing you finch when he guided the strap of your nightgown off your shoulder.
It took ages for you to shed your fear; to allow him to hold you and kiss you and be inside of you, but those many months of ‘two steps forward, one step back’ have left him in a paralyzing state of identity crisis and uncertainty. You’ve turned him into a man who begs for scraps of reassurance that you care for him rather than a man who shows no mercy for love; a man so preoccupied with thoughts of his wife’s affection that not even his enemies are granted his full attention as he watches the light drain from their eyes.
From the moment he leaves, he anticipates his return so you can quell his agitation, at least to some degree. The same words echo in his head each time he steps off a Harkonnen ship to search for you—hug me, hold me, kiss me, let my body inside of yours, tell me you love me—and in recent months you haven’t failed to do those things, with the exception of the last request. The day you tell him you love him will be the day he stops fearing you'll eventually grow bored with him. On that day, he’ll be happy, at peace. He’ll be unafraid of what his future with you will bring.
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Reader POV
He often goes to Arrakis for a week or two, that’s not new. He must monitor things and fight Fremen when necessary. However, this time was different. There was something foreign in his eyes after he kissed your palm and boarded his ship to depart. Sadness? Pain? Worry? All three? You didn’t know, but it terrified you from how little he tried to disguise it. With each departure, it’s seemed his mood has worsened and you can't decipher its cause.
Now, ten days later, your fingernails are worn to nubs and dark circles have found home under your eyes from nightmares interrupting your sleep. They’re different every night but they always end with Feyd not coming home to you, and you don’t know how to cope. You tell yourself you’re crazy, that there’s no possibility of him being taken down with a Fremen knife or gobbled up by a sandworm or blown to bits from his ship getting shot out of the sky. He’s too smart, too quick, too trained for such things to claim his life. At the same time, however, the last person whose death you dreamt of was your mother’s, and while it’s rare your dreams are prophetic, that one came to fruition not five days later. Who is to say your dreams of your husband are not the same?
But you can’t lose Feyd, not when it feels like you just got him. When you married, your dread of navigating a new husband and life on Giedi Prime—both of which have a reputation for being cold and desolate and harsh—crippled your ability to see him for who he is. It’s only been the last few months that you’ve let yourself love and understand him, and you can’t imagine a reality in which you wake one morning knowing you will never have him again. You wouldn’t survive it.
But you won't have to, because he's fine, perfectly safe—that's what you tell yourself. He told you he wouldn’t be away long and he wouldn’t say that unless he believed it, right?
Then again, believing he would be home soon doesn’t mean fate agrees. What if he's already gone? Wait, no. No, he wouldn't do that to you. He'll be home because he always makes it home. He’s fine. He’s safe. He would never leave you. You nod to yourself, swallowing hard. He’s fine. He’s safe. He would never leave. He’s fine. He’s safe. He would never leave.
--
Your body curls into the first touch of warmth you’ve had in a week and a half as a heavy weight rests in the dip of your waist and tugs you against a solid form. Plush lips ghost your temple. A heartbeat thrums in your ear and you feel the rise and fall of a chest.
Oh, you like this dream. He’s so real in this dream. It’s the first dream where death is not at his heels.
“You don’t know how I miss you,��� he mutters into your ear. Stands of your loose hair brush back from your face. “How unbearable it is.”
His voice is so clear, so beautiful and vivid that it’s almost like he’s really with you. Humming contently, you huddle further into him. “Then stop leaving me,” you mumble.
Breath catches in his chest, no longer moving at a steady rhythm. “You're awake?”
Your brows knit—that's not a very ‘dream-like’ question; it threatens your lovely illusion—and then your eyes snap open.
“Feyd?” His nose is an inch from yours. Your hand raises to cup his cheek, just to see if he is real, and you gasp at how warm his skin is under your palm. “You're here,” you cry, quickly pushing him onto his back and crawling on top of him.
You press your lips to his, hard. A whimper is pulled from your throat when he parts his mouth so you can get a taste of his tongue. Yes, he’s definitely real.
Hands trail down your back to your ass, squeezing two handfuls of flesh and pushing your pelvis down onto his. He’s already hard and thick and pressing into you, the matching thin material of your nightgown and his sleep pants doing a pathetic job of maintaining any sort of barrier.
Feyd slowly drags the ink-toned silk up the curves and dimples of your body until it pools at your waist. Fingers graze your skin as they move lower to slide through your slick bare folds, and at his touch, your brain goes absolutely fuzzy. You’re unashamedly desperate, refusing to take any longer to get what you need, but when you finally free him from his pants and he thrusts up into you, you both find yourselves stopping. The kiss breaks and you simply breathe in each other’s breaths as he stays nestled deep inside you.
Your forehead falls to his. A fresh tear that you hadn’t noticed in your eye lands on his cheek. “You're ok,” you gently whimper, reassuring yourself of his safety. His nose nudges yours.
“When am I not?” he whispers as he catches the next tear with his thumb before it drops from your lower lashes.
“In my nightmares.”
His brow pinches in curiosity, cock twitching within your walls. “You dream about me?”
You lightly nod. “I thought this was a dream.”
“Why?”
“Because I had a sickening feeling you weren’t going to make it back this time. I know it was a routine trip, but I just couldn’t shake it,” you say. “And that would’ve killed me, Feyd. I love you.”
Feyd sucks in a short stream of air as his hips slightly buck up against yours. “You love me?” he repeats.
“Yes,” you exhale, riding the little high of pleasure that came from the sharp involuntary shift of his hips. “I was so scared to be right.”
Feyd's arms tighten around you and he tilts his chin up to connect your lips. Kisses travel along the line of your jaw and down the length of your neck. His tongue dips into the hollow of your throat.
“I love you,” he tells you.
Your stuffy chuckle settles into a grin. “I know you do.”
---
tag: @avidreader73
#feyd rautha x reader#feyd rautha x you#feyd rautha#dune part 2#austin butler#feyd rautha harkonnen#dune
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all you need is more radaway
save a horse. ride a cowboy. ;)
anyways i really loved the tv show and i love the game. and ghouls are just chef's kiss. or maybe that's because i love monsters. sad that i finished it so quickly. :(
perhaps i can put what i learned in my western class to good use lol
character: cooper howard aka. the ghoul
it's never easy surviving the wasteland. you don't know how you managed to survive for this long. perhaps because you seemed to have been blessed with incredible luck.
and building up endurance, of course.
you felt little to no side effects from the radiation of the food you were eating. which just meant you had a lot of radaway and rad-x stocked up.
to make ends meet, though, you had to start hunting. scavenging and scrapping by wasn't enough. you needed the extra caps.
thus your rivalry with another bounty hunter was born.
"well, well. aren't you far from home, sweetheart?"
you were used to comments about your outfit. a vault suit. yes, you came from one. you had been exiled after your father was revealed to be managing the experiment behind it. the child pays for the sins of the father always.
"you're not the first and you won't be the last." you pull the head off the body as clean as possible.
"now i don't know if you should do that."
"and why not?"
a bullet flies past you and burrows itself into the ground. you finally look up. a cowboy hat. the face of a ghoul. his gun pointing right at you.
but you weren't afraid.
"because he's my target." he pulls out a piece of paper. "and he's mine."
"seems unfair if i did all the work. and you just collect his head and the prize." you pull out the same piece of paper. yours is a little more worn out though. and covered in dried blood.
"that's the way of the wasteland sweetheart."
"if you believe so."
your hands were fast. two bullets lodged into his right left and when he looks up, you're gone.
of course, you learned from the best: western holotapes. you really liked them when you were growing up. claimed to want to be a lone hero.
in some ways, you were. the wasteland was just a new version of the wild west, wasn't it?
"spaghetti? like...the pasta?"
more like spaghetti western. he knew that, of course. but no one in the wasteland knew what a spaghetti western was. they were remnants of a past long gone and one only accessible by holotapes in the vaults.
"that's their name." the person says. "why? you have business with them?"
"perhaps." the ghoul was looking to return a favor.
"don't even try. they're far more formidable than you think."
"we'll see about that."
your rivalry was an exchange of bullets, more often than not. thankfully, you always stocked up on bloodbags and could make a stimpack from your heavy (but useful) travel chemistry kit. you were smart like that.
surprisingly, it became something to look forward. mostly because the ghoul preferred if he tried killing you, so he managed to get you out of a tough situation by killing the other people trying to kill you.
and you returned the favor. there was something satisfying about lodging a bullet into him again.
unfortunately, this left you two stuck on a job once. captured by raiders. you had been knocked out with a drug. and he had collapsed from...something.
"fuck." you mutter, pulling at the ropes binding you. your luck had run out for the day it seems, because your arms were tied to the ghoul's around this godforsaken pole. the metal was also uncomfortably rubbing up against your skin.
"you got a knife or anything sharp?" he looks over at you. it's rare to see him without his cowboy hat. his head was rather smooth.
you chuckle a little.
"something funny?" the ghoul asks.
"nothing. you're just...shaped like an egg."
"very funny."
"let me guess. your answer is no?"
"i don't have a knife up my sleeve, sadly. think they took it."
"shame." the ghoul shimmies something out of his own sleeve. he flicks the blade out and begins sawing at the rope. "watch your fingers."
you keep your fingers tucked in. eventually, the rope on your wrists comes undone and one arm soon after. the rest comes off and you rub your skin. "fuck these guys. always hated raiders."
"well, we both got sold out. we need to find that thing now. or else we'll be dead by sunrise." he tugs on the door of the jail cell and clicks his tongue.
"i don't have sharp objects. but i do have these." you pull out the bobby pin taped on the inside of your sleeve, alongside a mini screwdriver.
the lock wasn't very complicated, so you picked it with ease.
as you both are grabbing your equipment, you hear footsteps up above. light ones and heavier ones. and the sound of a muffled, altered, robotic voice.
the brotherhood of steel was worse than raiders, honestly.
"you go left, i go right. how does that sound?"
"i don't usually like taking orders from my rivals." he reloads his gun. "but for you? sure."
the event left the both of you soaked in the blood of your enemies. on the other hand, you guys left with plenty of loot and an idea of where your target was: dead. at the bottom of a lake.
it was a journey to get there, wherein you learned the details of each other's lives. you didn't think he was paying much attention to your sentences. after all, you came from a vault.
and yet, you saw a hint of sympathy in his eyes.
he seemed less keen on sharing details about his life, aside from his former name. cooper howard.
undeniably, as a fan of westerns, you recognized his names. from the holotapes.
"they had those?" cooper shakes his head, taking sips of water. "no way."
"yes way! it's where i learned to shoot."
"from watching my movies?"
"yes!"
"that is...a pleasant surprise." cooper leans back.
"that also makes you over 200 years old."
"that it does. something wrong with that?"
"no. the wasteland changes people." you maintain your attention to your suit, sewing a tear up. "just...you're looking for something, aren't you? everyone's always looking for something up here."
"are you looking for something?" his voice hardens and he sits up straight.
"i was. and then i found it. and i stopped." you tie the thread to seal the stitch and then tear the thread with your teeth. "i hope you find what you're looking for though."
"well, that's awfully kind of you, sweetheart."
"i have a name, you know."
"what is it?"
"(y/n)."
getting personal in the wasteland was something cooper wasn't adamant about. but the circumstances seems to call for it.
"guess we're even now."
the body of water was daunting. it was murky and dark. you pursed your lips and dumped your bag. "well. guess we have no choice."
cooper looks over at you then quickly turns around when he sees what you're doing: taking off your suit and going down to your underwear. "what are you doing?"
"i'm going to go get that head. that's how we get paid, right? easy three thousand caps. 15 hundred split evenly." you stretch.
"i think you might die."
"i'll be fine. i've done it before." Aquaperson perk.
"i can also swim, you know."
"i'll be fine cooper." you pop a rad-x pill just in case. "be back in a bit."
you dive like a swan, making minimal splash into the water. your form disappears beneath the darkness.
you're gone beneath the water for over an hour. cooper's heart was beating against his rib cage. you should be out by now. it should not be that hard. did something get you? things lurked beneath the murky waters always.
"fuck!"
he drops his equipment and begins stripping down, until he is just in his pants. he would need to dive after you. if you were dead, then so be it. it was fun while it lasted.
suddenly, you emerge. you take in the oxygen of the surface and hold the head up high. "got 'em." you swim over to the shore and walk out of the water.
there was something about how...wet you were that got him feeling hot and bothered.
"something happen down there?"
"couple of mirelurks. no big deal. which reminds me." you set the head on the ground and go back into the water. within minutes, you're pulling out the bodies of the mirelurks you had killed. "dinner."
while cutting the mirelurks open, you observe the way he walks around you. his muscles bulging a little as he cuts a mirelurk open and takes the meat. he was kind of...attractive?
"were you going to come after me?" he stops cutting hearing your question. "in the water, i mean."
"so what if i did?" cooper averts his eyes.
"that's sweet of you. i didn't know you had a soft spot for me."
"i don't."
"sure." you can tell he was lying through his teeth.
dinner was a nice, cozy meal. it was delicious. a nice surprise considering the nature of the wasteland.
cooper notices the way you're looking at him. and he looks at you the same way.
though how does this work exactly?
"do you want to..." you try to find a decent way to say this. fuck is a good term. but it felt a little vulgar in the moment.
cooper already knows what you're asking. "absolutely. if you can handle it." he smirks.
it's so cute when he smirks.
you glance over at your bag, looking at your stash of radaway. you had plenty. plus your stash of rad-x too.
"i absolutely can."
#def not my best work#fallout#fallout tv series#fallout prime#the ghoul#cooper howard#the ghoul x reader#cooper howard x reader#x reader#male reader#female reader#gender neutral reader
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