#i was screaming during this whole episode
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You said you think pre-infarction house was an addict-can you expand on that? What drugs were he hooked on and why did he fully switch to vicodin and never used others again? Did he ever reach a go-to-rehab level addiction? How did wilson handle that? And what was Stacy's attitude towards his addiction? I think she would have been a lot more forgiving than cuddy because 1. She herself is a smoker who goes back to cigarettes during hard time and 2. Unlike cuddy, she didn't have a small child to worry about.
Ahhh thank you sm, I love this question!!! Let's get into it ✨
So my theory is that house was abusing morphine prior to the infarction. here are my reasons for thinking so:
1. Three Stories- the entire reason house's infarction was as bad as it was is bc everyone except house was convinced he was just drug seeking at first. it makes absolutely zero sense for them to think that unless he already had a history of drug seeking. unless I misremember (anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) he already worked at PPTH for a while before the infarction happened. so it was the same doctors he knew and interacted with every single day that saw him screaming in agony and chose to believe he was just trying to seek drugs and not actually in pain. he had to have a history, it just doesn't make sense otherwise for them to assume he was drug seeking.
2. one very specific line in No Reason (the episode where house is shot and the whole episode is a hallucination). when house, wilson, and cuddy are in her office and house is realizing they did something to his brain (the ketamine treatment) cuddy says this specific line: "You were out of control, you were shooting morphine!" This line has always stuck out to me and no one ever seems to mention it. It's very out of place bc the conversation they're having is about him being shot and them doing something to him while he was under. I think this was his brain connecting this event to the last time someone did something to him while he was unconscious, trying to rationalize these traumatic events.
3. In early s3 when the pain comes back, he begs cuddy to give him a shot of morphine in his spine (the scene where he drops his pants in her office and asks her in tears if the scar is all in his head too since she thinks the pain is all in his head.) cuddy gives him the shot and he comes back looking for another one later on, after the pain comes back again. she informs him that she never gave him morphine, it was saline. the fact that the pretend morphine worked suggests he had a mental dependency on it. I'm pretty sure this is the point where he goes back to vicodin (it's been a few months since I did my last rewatch so I could be wrong). I think had she actually given him morphine, he likely would've become addicted to it again. Just the thought of the morphine was enough to have him looking for more.
4. Wilson's tendency to jump straight to heroin use when he thinks house is on something other than vicodin. it happens more than once in the series when house starts acting just the slightest bit off, wilson leaps to the conclusion that he's on heroin. which is an insane leap to make unless it's something he's had to worry about in the past. I think the reason wilson would jump to heroin over morphine is if he knows what it looks like when house is high on morphine. If house used to abuse morphine, wilson would be able to recognize it and if he can't, it must be something much worse. this again plays into why I think he was an addict prior to the infarction even if it wasn't morphine, because who in their right mind would jump to their best friend using heroin if that person didn't have a long history of abusing similar drugs?
Now to answer your other questions:
Why did he switch to vicodin and not go back to others he may have been addicted to? I can tell you from personal experience that while morphine feels great, it makes you hazy and tired and out of it. I think once he was prescribed vicodin after his surgery and learned that he could function on it and not feel hazy, it was a match made in heaven for him (he says a few times in the show that vicodin doesn't make him hazy, so he immediately knows if he's on something else bc he feels hazy.) He didn't need to switch to anything else as long as he had access to vicodin bc he got the high, the pain relief, and no haziness. but when he got cut off of his vicodin during the tritter ordeal, he stole oxycodone (I think?) from wilson's dead patient. so if he didn't have vicodin, it's safe to assume he would go back to whatever he had access to.
Did he ever reach rehab level addiction? / What was Stacy's attitude towards his addiction? I think if we go based off his colleagues thinking he was drug seeking + cuddy saying he was out of control and shooting up morphine, I would say yes, it was rehab level addiction. But— I feel like if it had been that bad, stacy would've mentioned it in some sort of capacity during her arc when they were discussing their relationship. she never hints at him being an addict as far as I can remember. she loved and cared about house so much that she was willing to accept him hating her if it meant he was alive and healthy. I feel like if his addiction had been dangerous, she would've done anything to get him help the same way she did during his infarction. even if it meant going against his wishes and him hating her, she would've insisted he got help. so I'm conflicted on that question, honestly. I think maybe it depends on the perspective of those around him. maybe those at the hospital saw something stacy didn't, I'm not sure. but I agree with what you said about her being more forgiving and understanding of it than cuddy was. I think if he had been an addict while they were together, she would've given him an endless amount of chances until it became dangerous, that's when she would put her foot down and try to force him into rehab and their relationship probably would've crumbled for a whole different reason.
How did Wilson handle his addiction? I think house being an addict prior to the infarction plays perfectly into the theme of wilson emotionally neglecting his wives for house. we obviously don't have an exact timeline of his marriages aside from his first one ending just before house and wilson met, but it's pretty safe to assume that he was married to and even possibly divorced from bonnie before the infarction ever happened since he seems to have been married to julie for a little while in the beginning of the show.
[sidenote: here is my personal timeline HC for wilson's marriages.
Sam: 1991-1992 (canon)
Bonnie: 1993-1998
Julie: 1999 (before infarction) - 2005]
In the episode where house uses bonnie to get dating info about wilson, she says the iconic line, "You always needed him and he was always there for you. He had a wife waiting for him at home and you didn't care." And it just makes sense if the reason house always needed him was because of his struggles with addiction. house in general is a needy person who always wanted wilson's affection to himself, that much is clear, but wilson had to of had a good excuse to always run off for whatever it is house needed from him prior to him being disabled.
Getting into more specifics about how wilson would've handled his addiction back then— I think he would've handled it similarly to the way he did with the vicodin. he's an enabler unfortunately, he would've let house make excuses and made excuses for him because he tries to give house the benefit of the doubt that he can control himself. I think back then even more so, because house wasn't in pain and disabled, wilson had no reason to think house couldn't control himself. I think it's even possible that wilson was in denial about it too, he didn't want to believe his best friend was an addict and maybe he felt like he needed to protect house when others started accusing him of such. I think that may be why wilson asked cuddy to make that bet with house to find out if he was addicted to vicodin. he ignored it and denied it last time and he's enabled him for years since the infarction, he wanted to know if he was treating house's pain or still enabling an addict. the answer was both, which makes it no less complicated. but like with all of house's issues, wilson continues to stand by him and be there for him bc he loves him and wants him in his life, addict or no addict.
#chyanne speaks#asks#house md#thank you for sending these wonderful asks and letting me ramble and deep dive into these characters!!
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Hiiii misfits and magic enjoyers who happen to see my posts, I’ve finally gotten around to finishing the Christmas special!! I’ve also finished the first two episodes of the next season and I wanna yap so spoilers under the cut !!
The Christmas special was so good, when they came into the castle covered in blood and then accidentally intimidated the shit out of that one guy who wasn’t even trying to be in their business, it was unfortunately very funny. At the end when Evan just started fucking softly singing I deadass almost start crying bc I’m normal about him!!!
The first two episodes of the season are just so great I like having these characters back again in an older capacity and seeing how they’ve changed. Like, it makes total sense to me that Jammer spends a lot of time around kids helping out with the community and stuff and I feel like you can tell that’s where he always wants to be outside of doing basketball. I also love that we started out with his very normal situation in life and then just got weirder and weirder LOL.
Evan’s whole thing of enjoying beating the shit out of the fire salamander was certainly something!!! I’m not concerned for how this will turn out at all =)
But then we got that nice moment of him trying and absolutely failing to fix K’s shirt and god that whole scene was actually? Hilarious I loved Brennans roleplay of how badly his character was failing
Also. God the whole thing of K trying to fix his arm and then fucking EXPLODING it was the biggest surprise ever oh my god 😭 and the detail of their motivation and Erika’s explanation of it and the way that K’s action caused for them to move away from that. I will always enjoy the way they do story telling in d20 man it’s just so cool. But also also Brennan going “avada kadavra” was unfortunately the funniest part of the episode and made me scream laugh so
OH and I almost forgot the like emotional moment between Sam and Evan like!!! Where will this go I don’t know I’m excited!!!
Anyways that’s all for thoughts I like updating how I’m feeling during this watch bc I don’t really have anyone like, irl to talk to about it. Unfortunately any other d20 enjoyers I know have only mostly seen fantasy high and I have yet to go past season one of that campaign (and bc of the renewal of dungeons and drag queens the pause on that one will probs continue for a while) so all I’ve got is tumblr yay!! Onto episode three wish me luck
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I almost cried during this
#wild life#life series smp#life series#traffic series#traffic life#traffic life series#traffic life smp#traffic light smp#traffic smp#traffic spoilers#wild life spoilers#trafficblr#trafficsmp#i made a vote if i should post this#the response was yes#so here#i was screaming during this whole episode#almost cried#wild life episode 3#snails#GRIAN STOP PLAYING RING AROUND THE ROSEY WITH THE SNAIL
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400% sure he would love steven universe
#trigun#trigun 98#doodles#art#comic#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#steven universe#anime#my first contribution is an illustration that took me like a whole week to get through#my second contribution is a silly i was up till 6 am for#as god intended o7#hes so pathetic and sad i wanna shake him#^ every character i can say that about is my favorite character in the whole media hands down#we all cried during the bismuth episode dont say you didn't#EDIT IF YOU SEE THIS POST GO LOOK AT MY OTHER TRIGUN FANART FROM A WEEK AG O TOO PLS PLS PLS PLS P#edit 2 - EDITED WW's SKINTONE!!! the color reference i used made him look a lot paler than he's supposed to be. apologies!#i am so glad someone pointed that out before i put my trigun charms into production. i edited the charm too to be more tan#if i put whitewashed wolfwood keychains into production i would have SCREAMED
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Baby Clark and Kara ❤️
#this scene was so cool!!!#literally screamed when i saw this during the episode#baby clark and kara have my whole heart#my adventures with superman#maws#maws spoilers#maws season 2#baby clark#baby kara
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Something I really love about the Silt Verses is how, in a world of gods and monsters, how grounded Faulkner's trauma [and relationship with his father] is. Especially as the season moves on, and the stakes amp up [and up] its so unexpectedly piercing to be presented with this exploration of childhood abandonment/negligence, inter-generational trauma, the indignities and stress that comes with unexpected elder care/early onset Alzheimer's. You're so locked in to these grander, more abstract concepts that your defenses are down! Mine were, anyway. TSV is so good at cutting its grand, complex plotlines with simpler [but not shallower] gutpunches, and it just grounds the whole thing.
#the silt verses#other moments on the list#[the list being small but emotionally devistating grounded moments]#include: the lights coming back on in the aftermath of the strike during hayward and carpenters conversation#and you just. intuit the devistation#after all that. after all the fighting and protest. the lights come back on. you can HEAR the screaming in the silence#Faulkner's whole elder care thing with his dad#where he has to reckon with him as a person who made mistakes#and put his own resolution aside to take care of a man he had complex feelings for#also the Faulkner's dad/trawlerman connection is crazy to me its crazy#oh you want to worship the god with the garden do you faulkner#you want to be this gods enterpriter and favorite#what did your father do again?#oh also the god rocket scene#where we are put in the place of a sacrifice#the claustrophobia! the fear! the tinned patriotic speech! the narrowing down to a needle point of the overall themes of the story#the fucking microcosm of it all!#all the sandwhich shop scenes#the whole hotel episode#charity in the pub running for her life because CARPENTER reappears#also love how interconnected everything is#both carpenter and page knowing von#running back into charity#fantastic writing all round it's all so fucking TIGHT my god#the prose is killer the pacing is killer the acting is killer the STRUCTURE is killer#its just a fucking masterclass of storytelling like its just. GREAT#top to bottom.#like the sheer skill involved in making something like TSV#on all levels#is incredible I really do admire it
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第四十回 「君を置きて」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x40#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#I have so many things I wanna say but#my mind is fully occupied by yukinari x michinaga in this episode#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#tasuku-san did such an amazing job#balancing 'michinaga' and the saburo in him#I'm scared of what is coming next but at the same time still find him endearing#I screamed multiple times during the watch#for the loving interactions with Yukinari (poor bb)#also for the vileness he displayed in front of his fucking daughter#I feel sorry for mahiro tho#the disillusionment must hit her hard#it's the beauty of womanhood tho#you started the whole thing as a token of your love for the man#and then it shifted to your love and loyalty for the girl#it always ends up being 'the girl'#but as a writer she equally absorbed them all and turned them into words#I believe she still loves michinaga#she just needs to exile him in her monogatari as the punishment he deserves#yukinari on the other hand#he's such an upright man I can't imagine how hard it is for him#to harass a dying mikado who he loves very much#with all the bs michinaga asked him to say
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oh wow i didnt realize how much i missed zac
#crunchyposts#HES BACK!!!!! HELL YEAH!!!#i didnt realize until everyone started screaming and he was speaking#barely 2 episodes without him and the moment hes back im like :DDD#this happened with ally and emily and murph during the singular episodes they left during fhsy too lol#i need the whole gang :(#d20#acoc
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#rewatching Arcane nad yeah no one there sparks interest and im so happy for that#my days wanting to write jinx are when she first launched where they should be#but man THIS SERIES IS SO WELL DONE I LOVE IT#also notme screaming at Powder the whole time during episode 3#the mun speaks#ah and slowly working on replies in the between
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finally finished the expanse 8 years after starting it. :’)
#the expanse#a show made with so much love#i did start to tear up during the finale#the music throughout that whole episode? epic. beautiful.#one of the best shows of all time#and it had a good ending!#enough closure w enough open endedness. happiness for the main characters#godspeed screaming firehawks. and good hunting rocinante 🫡
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bcs s6 thread pt 3
#omaha beach then okay..#sept 20 2023#if u play your cards right to its a date THE STOPPER OH?#oh god this is the most of this show i've ever watched in one sitting thsi is kind of a lot😭#KIM??? oh my god no because every seasonnnnnnnn she gets so much more interesting and unpredictable it's so crazy#stopping to kiss each other even during their scheme is soooo#WAITTT they're working with the pi omggg#lol#THIS IS LITERALLY SOOOOOOO INSANE OHHHHH MY OEOPLE FOR REALLLL#oh i forgot schweikart represents sandpiper lmao#THQA WAS SOO FRAZY THEYRE SOOO INSANE#this episode this whole season has been sooooooo good omg#AND NEXT EP IS THE ONE BOB HAD HOS JEART ATTACK N😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖#but it was jimmy !!!!! SCREAMING THIS SHOW IS SAURRRR#OHHHH THIS IS IT#THIS IS THE GIF LMAOFJFJSNDNJDJDFJDJJDJJJDHDHSHDHDHHDHDHDHDHHHHHHHHDHDHXHDHFHHDHDHDHDHHJDJDJJJDJJDJDJDGODIDJFNDNDNFJKD#they're such weirdos OHHHH COUCH TV TIME CHDDLING :$;$&;&; 😖#i lovvvvv them#this is soo insane and crazy like i have no words they will always be standing next to each other#her little pink sweatshirttttt stoppppppp#no bc the opening kim flashback like she's really truly unknowable#yeah yuppppp they are perfect for each other#and they did it for fun PLS they do get off on it IM CRINEEEE#MY HEART LITERALLY DROPPED WHEN HE GRABBED HER SHOULDERS NO MY STOMACH LITERALLY DROPPEDO HM T GIDNDBDJDN OOONOOOOOOOOOOODNJSISJDJDNSNDHEJLP#SHHSJWLSKJSRHHDBFJDJSJFJDJJENDNSNSNMENDNDNNENDNENDJSKJDNCNRBDNNCJSNFJSNDKFNCJBDNDNSJFJFJCHSNNDJDNSNDNDNFJKDNRNRJDNNRNJRJEJRJ HIS HANDS ON HE#IM SHAKING I MSO SCARED JOIEKJDJDJFJ I HAVE TO WATCH THE NEXT ONE#OH MY GOD#OH T GOD#IH NT GOD#IH NTVID
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now that I got he appreciation post out of the way I’ll yap about what I loved the most about this whole scene because was a fucking masterpiece.
1. He looks fucked out and I’m going insane. His heavy breathing was blasting through my headphones and, although that is something that usually annoys me during these scenes, it was done carefully and tastefully. It felt natural and real, not overplayed, not overkilled, but raw and perfectly genuine.
2. Anyone else devastated by the absolute adorableness of this moment? Just me? This was such a cute short thing that casts light into their relationship. They’re both actually very carefree people, always have been, even if Jack had a hard time coming back to his true self. This moment felt so intimate and relaxed. From trying to make the other submit, playfully and sensually, they both pause here and quickly take a breather to gauge each other and decide how is this going to happen before Jack takes the lead again. These are truly Jack and Joke.
3. Wall slamming. It’s one of the cliches I absolutely devour. Ever since episode 1 I knew they would be the kind to do this. I knew their NC would be like this. They want each other too much, they’re gonna take and take and take.
4. No awkward stripping. Just desperate. The moment characters strip have always felt so unnatural for me. This was done hastily and they stumble and it doesn’t look pretty because it shouldn’t. They have wanted each other for too long for them to wait another second in getting themselves naked. Joke is so desperate he struggles with taking Jack’s shirt off and he doesn’t care nor slows down. It adds on the realness of it all.
5. More wall slamming. Dear god I’m unwell. No further words.
6. He was stupid hot for this. They are possessed. As they should be. There’s tenderness and roughness at the same time in their movements and touches, casting light on the fact they love each other but are desperately hungry for each other’s body. They never let you forget that, not once.
7. Did you hear my screams? I was not expecting that. What I’ve seen happen many times on BL NC scenes, is that there is a high contrast done in between the couple when it comes to portraying desire. Usually it’s only one of them that is more vocal or physical about it, while the other takes it and follows. Yin and War have mentioned they don’t want their characters to stick to one dynamic, and it shows a lot in this whole scene. They both are perfectly capable of taking the lead, they both want to take the lead, they both want to submit. They are equals. And that’s always gonna be that way.
The power play, the switching, the rolling in the sheets, the CONSENT, the loving looks, the gentle touches, the rough touches, the pauses, the desperation, the desire.
they did it all. not one single thing missing.
they deserve nothing less than a standing ovation.
yinwar, you did it again
#god I hope they get all the profit they deserve and then some#holy shit#jack and joker the series#jack and joker u steal my heart#jack and joker series#jack and joker#jack & joker#jackjoke#jackjoker#yinwar#yin anan wong#yin anan#war wanarat#thai bl#thailand#bl series#bl drama#thai bl drama#thai drama
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no but i'm literally just thinking SOOO much about how Vox is obviously living a hollow and unfulfilling life, and how the only thing he shows genuine interest in is power and Alastor
even with the other Vees, he's distant and muted- he doesn't really seem to engage with them, not deeply, or particularly happily- he does care about them, i think, considering he's willing to 'let his guard down', (which is a whole 'nother post, and only vaguely something i mentioned here) but i'd wager he finds the whole thing dull
Vox is stuck in a rut. he's bored, he straight up says fuck my life, and then follows that up with putting on a fake ass smile for the masses. up until Alastor is thrown back into the mix, Vox's whole demeanour screams fake
and then Alastor is back and Vox is emotive. he's excited, he's interested, he's energetic. yeah, the whole thing is based on some bitter ex drama, and it's probably not, like, healthy- but he's actually consistently acting alive
compare his whole music sequence with the way he's acting before Alastor's whole ass came back, and there is such a stark difference. he's all over the fucking place, he's borderline manic, whereas before he just- he was very obviously bored
you can even see some of this when you compare the brief glance of Vox and Val during Angel's song, and then with the episode 8 song
i think Alastor is the only thing in Vox's life he actively cares about, at this point. it's the only thing that interests him, that captivates him, and oh boy, i cannot wait to see more of them in season 2
#hazbin hotel#vox hazbin#staticradio#<- yeah i'll tag that#they are SOOOOOO *shakes them shakes them shakes them*#i need vox to go to therapy. like fr <3
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anyway thinking back to riley though. she was done incredibly dirty by the writers in a lot of ways. like i know we discussed at length the 'maya became riley' storyline (which.... another day) but we don't discuss how they belittled riley so, so much and never offered her a chance to grow in the eyes of those around her. her parents weren't even good parents to her lmao and a lot of their dismissive nature is brushed off for gags and giggles which is crazy. peak riley moments that come to mind were her in girl meets stem. in stem she's the brilliant riley who's top of the class right next to farkle and we can see why. she's brave, loud, proud, and refuses to be belittled and i needed more of that. anyway fuck you michael jacobs
#see everyone coddled riley so much that when she finally went out into the world and didn't immediately shed the persona she crafted during#that time she was insufferable and as lucas would say 'too much'#the world was sunshine and rainbows and no one allowed her to think otherwise because they had a whole thing to stunt her growth!!!!#you're telling me a caring and intelligent person would be like that? she wasn't even topanga weird at times it was just like get a grip!#a lot of the lessons she kept learning were things she'd already learned and it was o#nvm season 3 lowkey being a mess with storylines left and right cause they made up so much and allowed that damned triangle to consume the#show#realistically with their friendship maya and riley would've ditched the triangle AGES ago and focused on something else#it'd be a long time before they'd address it again and by that point their feelings for him would've either grown or faded which would've#been a great indicator because maya and riley would not have let themselves do that!!1#topanga should not have allowed her daughter (and riley bc it's a joke to even call riley topanga's daughter at this point) to be in that#situation for as long as she was! feelings are complicated but hello your daughter's pride and feelings shouldn't be messed with like that#and it clearly negatively influenced everyone involved or not so what did we end up with!! they were to cocky and thought they would get s4#which would've helped them continue to flatten the triangle discourse as they had attempted those last few episodes#and instead we're left with an ambiguous and unsatisfying ending#and riley not growing much at all!!!!!!!!!!#i'm screaming!!!!#realistically we would've seen riley try to rise and stay on top right with smackle and farkle but we didn't and ugh#tag: i speakth
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Phineas And Ferb New York Comic-Con Panel Gets The Band Back Together To Discuss The Upcoming Revival
Today at New York Comic Con, Disney Branded Television officially revealed the voice cast for the highly anticipated new season of “Phineas and Ferb.” For the first time in over a decade, co-creators and executive producers Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh reunited with the rest of the beloved cast at their NYCC panel today, which also included an exclusive sneak peek of the new season.
Photos by 📷Galileo908
Phineas And Ferb panel was packed with the whole cast and crew on stage as the panel showcases interviews when the show debuted all the way back in 2008.
Vincent Martella calls the show “the most important thing” he’s ever worked on.
Ashley Tisdale mentions that she's very joyful to be here with the fans after giving birth just 6 weeks ago.
Caroline Rhea mentions that the series is one of her favorites to ever be a part of. Rhea jokes "Don't tell Sabrina"
Dee Bradley Baker says that the show has been “perfect” since the start. "there's timelessness to it, i feel it will make it go on forever"
Alyson Stoner recalls that multiple people go up to her and quote Isabella in different languages all the time
Dave Errigo Jr gets emotional on the opportunity of joining the Phineas & Ferb family all way back in 2018 with "The Phineas and Ferb Effect" from "Milo Murphy's Law"
Vincent Martella jokingly says that he has been spiraling since the show ended even he had no idea if the show would come back.
Candace is Ashley Tisdale's favorite character beacuse it allows her to be "crazy"
As previously reported, Dan & Swampy confirm that the revival takes place one year later during the duo’s next summer vacation.
Povenmire & Swampy mention that “Things are elevated”. They tease the incorporation of new stories, dynamics and ideas that they couldn’t quite figure out how to do them on the original run.
Dan Povenmire & Jeff Swampy Marsh tease that the music for Season 5 has been their favorite so far.
Dan Povenmire & Jeff Swampy Marsh show a clip of the first episode of the revival. The clip starts with Phineas, Ferb and the gang on their last day of school.
Doof spent the last year being good, now he’s evil again
“We’re Getting The Band Back Together.” is one of Dan and Swampy's favorite episodes because "it’s so thematically rich."
When asked about why there are 104 days of summer vacation within the show. "Nobody checked. It just sounded right" - The whole cast and crew confess
During the final question Dan and Swampy acknowledge Candace’s flip phone. They agree that it’s obsolete but say that at the time the show was created everyone had one.
Swampy says that the work he and Dan Povenmire have done on the show have made him feel incredibly lucky. Swampy mentions that he would love to continue working on the show forever.
Ashley Tisdale closes the panel screaming “Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making another season!” in Candace's voice.
“Phineas and Ferb” Season 5 is scheduled to debut next year on Disney Channel and Disney+.
#Phineas And Ferb#Phineas & Ferb#Dan Povenmire#Jeff Swampy Marsh#Disney Channel#Disney+ Original Animated Hybrid Series#Disney Plus Original Animated Hybrid Series#New York Comic Con#New York Comic-Con#New York Comic Con 2024#New York Comic-Con 2024#NYCC#NYCC 2024
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I think I'm finally worn
Pairing: Aegon Targaryen x wife!reader
Summary: Aegon managed to keep up appearances for a long time, a mask behind which he hid everything he felt... until finally, he could no longer do so.
Themes: angst, comfort
Warnings: Delulu fanon Aegon, toxic relationship, addictions, depression, mental break down
Author's note: In anticipation of the fifth episode I come with a short angst with Aegon. The scene where he cried and Alicent came out destroyed me, so here we are with comforting our broken boy
Aegon felt awful.
He had no idea if it was due to the excess of alcohol he was pouring into himself every day, or perhaps because of how he was slowly spiralling down. In truth, he felt that his whole life was one big failure heading towards a final doom.
He had always shown by his behaviour that he was not afraid of this moment or perhaps even looking forward to it. The reality, however, was different.
He was afraid. He was so damn scared.
Every moment when he wasn't drinking himself till passing out was a nightmare. He can't even remember how much time has passed since the last time he was sober.
It was easier that way. The days passed quickly and without unnecessary thoughts. Between the drinking and the whores during his days, there was no room for reflection.
Today, however, was worse, but Aegon couldn't tell why.
No one particularly bothered him. His mother didn't pop up with another argument about what a failure he was, and his father...his father ignored him as usual.
And yet, this strange feeling had been with him since the morning. Hopelessness and overwhelm. This state was already familiar to him, and yet today, it seemed several times worse.
It stifled him and left him unable to breathe. His eyes would close with tears when he least expected it, and his clenched throat made it impossible to drink.
Until he couldn't hold it in any longer.
He didn't even notice when his wife entered his chamber, immersed in an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Aegon was slumped in his seat, weeping without even knowing why. He was completely defenceless like a small child.
He needed something to soothe the tangle of emotions that, like ties, wrapped around his body, restraining it painfully. His skin seemed to burn, to ache. He felt like scratching it until it bled until it finally stopped.
Make it finally stop.
Aegon looked up at woman in his chamber and realized he couldn't do it. He just didn't have the strength. His wife's worried gaze only made him more upset. He hated the feeling that she could see him now, so vulnerable and broken, crying like a baby. Aegon didn't want this.
And yet, on the other hand, his heart was screaming and begging for at least a little comfort.
"I don't...I don't know..." He tried to speak, but his voice broke. He tried again, but it was clear that he was unable to explain.
Aegon took a deep breath, but after a moment it turned into a sob. He cursed inside, but it was too late to fight already. He felt pathetic, ashamed. But at the same time, he couldn't stand to be alone now. Aegon didn't want to be left alone with all these thoughts tormenting him.
"Please," he said finally, not looking at her. "Don't leave."
He was terrified by the mere thought that she could leave now.
As if waiting for this small sign of comfort, Aegon immediately leaned into her embrace when she walked closer to him in silence and pulled him closer to her body. He rested his forehead against her stomach, his arms snaking around her hips as tightly as possible. He clutched at her dress, his fingers digging into the fabric like a drowning man grasping for anything solid to keep him afloat.
The tears were streaming down his face as he wept like a little boy.
All the years of disappointment, all the suppressed anger, all the pain and despair that he had stubbornly hidden behind a mask of a heartless rake.
But at this moment, the only reality that mattered was her. Her warm and gentle caress on his hair, soft kisses on top of his head.
He just needed her to be there with him.
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