#i was sad bc i dont have spare money like that
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I dreamed that FR started selling aether plushies as merch. They were triple basic and you could choose the primary/secondary colours and they cost 50 euros
#chatter tag#i was sad bc i dont have spare money like that#but also if i could i wanted to get one in niltans colours for some reason???#niltan is a tundra. what#honestly i blame the wf volt plushie i saw on my dash before going to sleep
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This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading
#im just so completely miserable and exhausted and just angry with everything#gic has gone silent. im getting so stressed about the ethics of my top surgery fund because i dont know if its something i should be still#doing how long until they talk to me again if they do will the waitlists even be livable is it ethical is it worth it does anyone even have#the money to spare anyway to help before the endless nhs waitlist#why am i being left in the dark#im terrified that i dont know when my pap smear will be and that i have to go under anesthetic for it because i fucked up my own body by#being a pathetic cowardly idiot who is to stupid to exist like im supposed to so now im worth nothing and i cant navigate dating bc of it#bc it just makes me shut down immediately when i realise its something i do have to disclose because im shitty and broken and worthless#and i dont know whats happening and i dont want the smear anymore and the nhs sent me a terrifying letter saying im not a real person and i#predictabley got to scared to reply to so now i may have fucked up literally everything which is my fault but also why does the ngs not just#have a system that works and isnt briken just because im trans#and i jsut want to die i cant die but im jsut scared and i want to hide forver#i dont know whats happening with my job am i still getting paid will i get the November cost of living backpay will i get my pension refund#i jjst feel lost and pathetic and desperately clawing out for any vague threads of interest for sex and dating even though im as previously#mentioned in these tags not fit for that and should just die forever in box alone and aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj#I just want a hug for the next millennia#instead im kust fighting off thoughts about starving myself as punishment because i dont deserve to eat jm not worth the expense of my own#paycheck to buy food for not that it matters because im sick and getting sicker amyway and of course one of my moles is looking insanely#dodgey and ive had to book a doctor's appointment for it but its so tempting to kust ignofe it surely itd be better if it was cancer and#then j could just die amd people wouldnt blame me for being pathetic or whatever removing myself but sad and tragic for dying from something#scary or whatever the fuck im fully aware thats a fucked up thibg to be thinking im just a bit at amessy ends atm and j dont even have a#hot chubby dude or not dude to pretend is ever going yo be interested in me or whatever and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#dw to anyone reading this in the event someone is i wont remove myself im a huge coward and too lazy to do that#crouch speaks#and its only November! we still got winter to come!!!!! my favourite (sarcastic) time of the year that doesnt absolutely fuck with my head
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it does make me sad i gave up on writing and doing art even just for funsies bc im so drained from working and trying to make ends meet, its really fucked me in the head that im not creating anymore it just feels painful to even try now. i know my adolescent self would be so upset 1) we didnt become a creative professional or 2) even just fully finish 1 (one) project or pursue an outlet for creativity. it made me so sad growing up that my parents were both artists/writers and just never did anything with it, even in their spare time, bc they were always working and raising kids. now im getting to that age and im like shit when did that happen, i dont even have kids i dont even have a career man what the fuck
how do i get over the feeling of "this is bad and wasting my time when i could be doing something productive like making money or doing chores" whenever i try to do art or write now. this fucking sucks
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What’s your favorite Lana song? And what’s your favorite Lana song in the ultraviolence album?
all of them
…but if i was held at gunpoint and forced to choose good god um um um um um i love all of them idk idk i cant choose this is so stressful i feel like im betraying my oldest friend is this how judas felt
ok….. um… living legend i think maybe idk IDK WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THIS IM GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN😭😭😭😭😭
ok fav from uv god i don’t know i don’t know i really don’t know i love florida kilos but pwyc but BLACK BEAUTY but title track but cruel world but SHADES OF COOL NOOOOOO SAD GIRL i love all of them so much please god okay okay um FINE pretty when you cry but also fucked my way up to the top is so special to me…. but also good god old money….. I DONT KNOW OKAY I DONT KNOW I DONT PLEASE SPARE ME
is this how that girl who screamed and cried when taylor played exile felt like bc like i think it is like i see her rn i see her
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random thoughts on the first two eps of cruel summer s2 dont spoilers open inside
so im watching with my sister of course and we also rewatched s1 together and wow. we were going back over summaries of the show that were like "two sides to the story, who will you believe?" as if we were ever supposed to be on jeanette's side. the thought is sooo laughable its sad
anyway in that same vein we're also both automatically for isabella and against megan (bc you have to choose sides you cant like two characters at once duh) like isabella has been in town for 6.3 seconds and megan already hates her and is also snooping thru her stuff like ??? get a grip get a life and get over it
and then my sister asked me which character i thought would have the unnecessary gay subplot this season and now we're scared its gonna be megan lmao. that one shot with the fireworks and the song playing and megan staring at isabella had us like uh oh
bc my god that gay relationship was the least necessary subplot of the first season it was so bad. not that it needs to be relevant but they treated it like it was lmao. and the mallory/kate thing was fine but so rushed so idk these writers dont do justice to queer. id rather be spared
the "twist" of the first ep was something we saw coming a mile away lmao. youre supposed to think isabella is dead and i was like "if she is dead then no she's not it's her twin sister" and then it showed that missing persons poster with the person torn off and my sister was like "i bet its the guy friend" and i was like ooh yeah you're right it's the guy friend
and then they unzip the body bag and are like "it's guy friend" and we were immediately like no tf it's not let me see the body!! so idk why the dad would lie or misidentify the body maybe they wanted to save money on special effects so they didnt show it but we still think something is fishy idk
and since me and my sister share one brain cell we both got the idea that isabella is like brenda song's character in stuck in the suburbs. if you dont understand then idk what to tell you </3 basically she's just hyping up her life but its mostly a lie idk
and omg the bullshit about that video was so gross. again one brain cell after the first ep we were like "you couldnt even see the person in the video i bet it wasnt even her!" well surprise
and isabella taking the blame anyway bc megan could lose her scholarship and get suspended from school like ??? why should this involve the school ewww and of COURSE misogyny and misogynoir and of course no one can say or do shit to the boy in the video bc his daddy owns half the town bleh
even a year later when she's in college like the whole town still believes this lie that could ruin isabella like ??? yall just tell omg. i think they at least mentioned the fact that she was underage and that constitutes as cp but goddamn no one in shows ever cares
like literally the guy's dad who owns half the town couldve spoken up like "i know my son isnt going to get in trouble for any of this so i dont think the girl in the video should either" but no lets get the whole town to hate her
i think the dad killed his son idk thats my guess
the show isnt great but at least its fun lol what do YOU guys think is gonna happen this season??? hmu
#cruel summer#cruel summer season 2#isabella larue#megan landry#luke chambers#angel watches stuff#angel watches cruel summer#my thoughts
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re-watching yuri on ice again to feel some joy, stay tuned to see if this monumentally gay sports anime can squeeze a stray drop of serotonin from my brain
#it most likely wont work but i still wanna watch again anyway#feeling....very not good this week#i miss my cat so much and its impossible to make enough money to live and really everything sucks#not to vent in the tags but WOW do i feel alone#i havent felt this depressed and anxious in so long but i also can barely remember a time when i didnt feel like this anymore#the really sad thing is that a couple thousand dollars would Literally solve all my problems rn#and i fucking Hate asking my parents for money bc a) they also dont have any to spare and b) it makes me feel so fucking pathetic#hopefully this gayest of sports anime will cure me of my depression like its 2016 all over again#anyway
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please post the great gatsby rant <33 ive only read the book and recently started watching the movie (i watch movies in parts bc brain scrambled) i need to know what makes the movie fucked <3
Alright here it is, directly copy pasted from the google doc it was birthed from (i cant put a read under cut on my phone I’m so sorry)
Alright so fuck the movie version of the great gatsby so much it’s so not great there is like one thing it does correctly and that’s Tom and Nick being friends because come on!!!! THEY WENT TO COLLEGE TOGETHER I WOULDVE LOVED A CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEM LIKE A HEART TO HEART WHILE NICK KNOWS ALL THE GATSBY DAISY BULLSHIT AND HE HAS TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT HE WANTS TO TELL TOM but also they just don’t interact like they know each other in the book and that’s kinda sad because they went to Yale together I’m pretty sure!! Gimme some black out years content where they talk about shit like is nick the one that introduces Tom and daisy??
THERES POTENTIAL,,, like in the movie Tom literally sack of potatoe carries Nick into a room and I was like okay that’s good that’s dude bro behavior making your bookish friend get drunk and do drugs wajsjjdndj but everythielse was atrocious like Nick??? I don’t know if this was just how tobey acts or like a conscious decision of his to act like this but I did not like how they made Nick some nerdy little dude like he’s not nerdy!!! He’s not “gets shoved into a locker” type he’s like green heather!! Okay maybe not like green heather but he’s the right hand man to the main bitch who like smugly records a dude getting bullied by Tom and has the ability to anime shine his glasses HES LIKE SIMON YHE CHIPMUNK I DONT FUUCKING KNOW HE IS NOT SOME SHY NERD!!
Also the movie correctly showed like none of Nick and Jordan’s relationship because it was literally so mediocre and not needed like I don’t understand what it contributes to the story?? It 100% could’ve been better if it was just developed/talked about more. But I remember in the movie Jordan was taller then Nick so that’s a girl boss point. AND FUCKING GATSBY GOD DO I HAVE SHIT ON GATSBY OKAY in the book he isn’t that bad of a dude!! He personally reads like a bit of a clueless romantic! He’s doing all of this for a girl he likes what a loverboy! BUT IN TJE MOVIE THEY MAKE EVERYTHING HE SAYS SO MALICIOUS??? Like okay there’s one scene where gatsby takes Nick out ot lunch with some other business dude and business dude first mistakes Nick for someone gatsby is like hiring? Something like that but the mistake seems like the business dudes fault in the book like “oh lol gatsby has a shady friend!” But in the movie they put it like it’s directly gatsbys doing?? Like gatsby is seething through his teeth saying that that isn’t who Nick is. Also in that scene gatsby leaves because he’s getting called and the movie makes it so obvious that gatsby is telling the business dude like “put a good word in for me or I’ll kill you” BUT HES BEEN CALLED BEFORE IN OTHER SCENES IN THE BOOK??? LIKE THE PARTY SCENE HE GETS CALLED AWAY SO ITS NOT WEIRD HES EXCUSING HIMSELF TO GET CALLS!! HES A BUSINESSMAN!!! A POPULAR DUDE!! It’s not shady at all for him to get called away and why would he lie about that!!
They took all gatsbys anxious lines of “god I hope Nick likes me and I hope he works with me to get daisy :)” and made it all “I’m lying to Nick to manipulate him into luring daisy here” LIKE HE JUST SEEMS LIKE AN AWKWARD DUDE?? I do not see the bad behaviour like i get it he’s not necessarily a good person, he hides his past self but it’s not like he murdered someone and he’s running from it he literally just wants to be rich!! Daisy wants to be rich too but she wasn’t portrayed like she was only with gatsby for his money!! ALSO HE TELLS NICK!! He gets close enough to Nick to tell him he’s not wanting to hide it!! Nick like had no previous leads that gatsby wasn’t who he said he was besides those spare rumors if I remember correctly but gatsby tells him because he trusts Nick!! He like has not been close enough to anyone else besides Nick to tell!!! THEY LITERALLY MAKE ALL OF HIM SO UNCOMFORTABLE?? Like when gatsby is nervous about Nick hosting Daisy for him in the book he like mows nicks lawn the day before and it’s kinda funny like “oh he’s so nervous! He’s so in love and anxious about seeing daisy :)” BUT IN THE MOVIE ITS LIKE GATSBY JUST TAKES COMPLETE CONTROL
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Crim pls do a J/N fic rec post at some point in the future I trust you more than I trust myself looking rouge through AO3
im kinda eh abt the concept of fic recs myself just bc the whole 'Different Strokes For Different Folks' thing (idk how many times someone i liked in a fandom made a fic rec list and i ended up not liking anything they posted). plus i have weirdly specific tastes and i.. .. honestly havent read a ton of joenicky fic! (i have a FAT to-read list) but ive been asked this a couple times now so i will slap together a couple joenicky fics i like (not comprehensive, i only spent like 15 minutes making this. also not in any particular order.)
Kiss Each Other Clean by moodlighting
i like this whole fic, but the last 6 or so paragraphs in particular SEND ME TO SPACE, i love cuddling. also [joe voice] nickel neekee
what you seek is seeking you by bankrobbery
i actually recced this one once before. idk its cute i just Like It. (also nicky pretending not to know english bc a customer is pissing him off is Very Funny and i love it)
with every inch of my heart by smilebackwards
i like this one a lot, i think nickys pov should Always be this tender. i dont like miscommunication trope much, (esp with joenicky) but i do like this fic-- the miscommunication in question is far-fetched but its joenicky so of course it is. just enjoy the Angst™
i love michelangelo seeing nicky all dirty and bloody after a fight and being like 'DAMN this bitch is fine' (same). (AND the fact that nicky only agrees to travel with him in the name of wasting the pope's money lmao). the fact that joe and nicky broke up But They Still Snuggle. nile knowing like 2 things about joe and nicky's breakup & pretty much immediately taking nicky's side. joe looking at the creation of adam and bein like 'EH'.
nicky carrying around his little joe drawing? nicky carrying around a spare toothbrush for booker? nicky telling little children stories about a princess locked in a coffin under the sea? ('perhaps someday, if an iron coffin is caught in a net or washed up onto the shore, they’ll remember the princess, a victim and not a monster' EXCUSE ME)
(also 'I have drawn you a thousand times since we parted. I sculpted your likeness, just so that I could pretend to cup your cheek. You are so much warmer than marble, hayati.' R O M A N C E)
Pas Un Ange by inlovewithnight
there are a lot of fics i love in a way thats like 'this fic is fun but it doesnt feel like something that would happen in the Actual Canon' (which is fine!) but this one Does feel like it could happen in The Actual Canon which is cool
this fic also has probably my favorite depiction of nicky's relationship with god/religion in any fic ive read ('[nicky's] peace had come only after walking away from faith as a competition of intensity in favor of faith as a steady compass that he followed like the beat of his heart in his chest.'). i love the whole Drama played out by the background characters and how they all have their own ideas and motivations & nicky is just kind of resigned to being caught in the middle of it.
(also love how near the beginning joe's like 'the Right thing to do in the situation would be stay at this river and help these people.... ... ....... ... .... ... anyways see ya guys later gotta go find nicky'.)
also joe chatting up a pig and the five minutes later chatting up some goats was so cute. & nicky trying to tell the baby's mother how to save it!!!! </3 AND THEY ARGUE ABOUT CHARITY on the way home (not before joe injects a comment abt nickys ass into regular conversation bc Romance™) its a bit of a sad fic tho, that poor baby 🥺
Intercession by PrincessDesire
can i interest you in some Swamp Man Nicky in this trying time?
someone recced this fic to me and i dont remember who. but note that the major character death tag is not, in fact, for a major character but for a background one. neither joe or nicky perma!die in this. also normally i dont like fics where joe or nicky are bi bc Thats Not Canon Babey but i do like this one, i love joe's relationship with Grace and how nicky's perception of that relationship gets flipped on its head halfway thru the fic. i also love joe's Weariness Of Immortality, like when joe talks about how 'youthful' nicky makes him feel. his pov just kind of Feels like an old man and i like it
theres a smut scene in this fic which im personally not big on smut scenes but theres this bit where joe tries to figure out condoms and its very cute. also 'You have many kinds of magic, Nicky. All your spells have worked.' ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
also i just like how WHIPPED joe is from like the first 3 seconds he sees nicky. theres one bit where nicky's like 'ill come visit you!' and joe's like 'when🥺' and nicky's like 'as soon as you like!' and joes like 'now?????🥺🥺🥺 literally come home with me???' incredible.
also the Magic System was cool. i also love how nicky just Accidentally made himself immortal. what a man. also i like this line 'it would never occur to [nicky] to attend any service that wasn’t going to have a direct outcome. Grace takes comfort from it, so maybe that’s the only outcome needed.' idk its so sweet
edit: also i cant believe i forgot the iconic line 'Yusuf is a man of two minds, one large and underutilized, the other small and underutilized.' absolutely iconic & relatable
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Roommate!Jeno
a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one
okay
letsgetit!
first of all,
story time!
your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds
so you being the wise human,
you went to get an apartment near the campus
it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff
you were both living respectively until he had to leave
the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you
one morning you just woke up and found his note
‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’
the whole day yesterday, you were working
bc,,, yknow
broke college life
and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep
so you didnt really see or notice
but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?
ofc you were freaking out
not only was your roommate gone,
how were you going to find a new one?!
jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming
‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’
‘oR tWO?!’
‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’
ugh, jaemin is such a family boy
‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’
jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy
but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you
however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was
‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’
knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed
ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak
but he’s not that mean, is he?
you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin
so there you are,,
sitting on your couch alone
without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty
its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable
jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate
just as you were about to call him,,
your doorbell rang
you froze and you looked at the time
it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery
see,,
if jaemin was here,
he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it
but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole
the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants
ngl, you were terrified and trembling
he rang it again and you jumped
typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’
you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door
thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung
a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position
you both just froze for like a phat minute
snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you
‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’
you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much
the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid
okay, so you were sHOokETh
damn! this boy is fine!
he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand
‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’
now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side
the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up
nodding, you motioned him to come in
jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent
‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’
you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face
‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’
you begged and jeno thought you were weird
but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way
so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!
now onto the good stuff!
so, jeno is a vv clean guy
like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage
so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible
but you being a mess you are,
you usually leave a lot of things everywhere
lets just say you have a short memory
‘oh? how did that get there?’
eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it
ofc you understand and you actually try to be better
since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate
maybe even better than jaemin
(but don’t tell him that)
jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream
since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7
he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first
even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee
babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe
you on the other hand,,
you’re very surprised
when you got to bed after showing jeno around,
you messaged jaemin
ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone
‘WHAT?!’
‘bitch answer the damn phone!’
‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’
‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’
‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’
smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him
‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’
but jeno is F A R from C H I L L
oh my goodness,,
hes a crackhead
theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is
you and him basically communicate with memes
sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme
you cant help but snort
also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate
‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’
hes a science major while you were a computer major
he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks
but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside
whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing
‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’
its so cute
oof also!
jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare
he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’
for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands
at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth
which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop
but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face
it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water
but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut
you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair
thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions
‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’
but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip
‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’
cue confused y/n
‘wUT?’
‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’
ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you
‘how is this making money?!’
‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’
more confusion
‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’
you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened
but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside
‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’
jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn
with your wide eyes and mouth open
‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’
‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’
he looked at you skeptically
‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’
lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day
What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night
‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’
you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt
he nodded and slipped it off
he explained why he came late when he first moved
‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'
as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself
‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’
you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body
there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted
‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’
‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’
your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma
jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face
‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’
his confidence made you chuckle
‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’
‘i know you do and i will. always.”
ever since then,
youve become his little caretaker
youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately
smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people
but jeno tries to help you keep up
he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile
his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more
chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt
so,, what better to be the manager of his friend
‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’
jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent
his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked
‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’
at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head
‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’
chenle being chenle,,
he continues to prod
‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’
smh, chenle youre so annoying
but hes so right
ever since you caught him,
hes been making sure he gets home at the same time
he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him
during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you
but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you
he just thought of it as making you not worry for him
but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits
the way you make this face whenever you dont understand
or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with
he noticed it all and he loves them
‘hOLy ShIT!’
that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money
bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes
‘what’s wrong?’
you came running but he scooped you up to a hug
ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright
jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you
you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you
(his thoughts, not mine)
‘i-i’
he stuttered and you motioned him to continue
‘i won!’
he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time
guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts
(dab that bitch)
‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’
he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’
‘nah, im just good’
you eyed him and smiled
he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face
heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night
he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him
‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’
you halt and look at him seriously
‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’
even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago
but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more
‘thank you’
his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help
a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight
sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore
but this was so un-jeno
just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street
‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’
you question while he looked sheepish
‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’
he laughed but you didnt react
‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’
he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks
‘i-well-if you put it that way’
‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'
‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’
he argued and a soft smile crept up your face
‘yah, lee jeno'
your voice became a whisper
‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’
he looked at you in shock after hearing your response
he also turned red at the mention of him being yours
‘so-but-i dont think-'
he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop
‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'
by now, yall were blushing
even though it might not sound like it,
but yall just indirectly confessed to each other
yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip
‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’
your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes
‘like-like a date?’
it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself
but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely
‘it'll be one of many'
lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno
#lee jeno#jeno#jeno imagines#lee jeno imagines#boxer!jeno#nct dream jeno#nct dream jeno imagines#lee jeno scenarios#jeno scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#boxer!jeno imagines#roommate!nct dream#roommate!jeno#lee jeno fluff#jeno fluff#nct dream fluff
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im super conflicted abt hawks atm but i was thinking abt his parallels with shigaraki and i was wondering kinda why there's a difference between wanting 'redemption' (i dont think this is the right word but i cant think of a better one 'want better' maybe?) for shigaraki but not for hawks? is it bc he made a permanent decision to kill twice as essentially an agent of the state?
Just to preface, I don’t think I’m objectively right for just wanting Hawks to eat shit immediately in the next chapter. I’m just complaining because a lot of people who “love both Hawks and Twice” and “think Hawks was wrong, but…” are hard to get away from without going in the other direction toward a group of people who have shitty fandom behavior, whose opinions about the Hawks/Twice situation are (unfortunately) much closer to my own. I don’t think there’s necessarily a “correct” way to feel about Hawks, but I feel differently than a lot of people I see around (who, ironically, are the ones insisting that there’s a “correct” way to feel about Hawks), and that’s frustrating. I want to be done with Hawks. I don’t want him to get any more focus in canon, I don’t want to see more posts about how Hawks committing murder is an indication of inner turmoil instead of him choosing a side, I don’t want to keep running into posts that tack on “but Hawks is also sad/a victim” in discussing what’s pretty clearly a tragedy for Jin and the LOV that Hawks was completely and 100% solely responsible for.
But, yeah, sure. I’ll also explain what I think is the difference between Tomura and Hawks:
1. Part of it is emotional and not logical for sure. I love Jin a lot. He embodies the person who has faced incredible adversity, and still comes out on the other side ready to love and open his heart to others, moreover to protect others. I’m not like that at all, but I think it’s very admirable. So in that sense, it hurts on a personal level to lose him over anyone else, and I can’t not associate that with Hawks, since he’s the killer.
2. Jin is a significant death. The nameless minions that Tomura has killed (many of whom were active “Quirk supremacists”) don’t mean anything to me compared to Jin, and?? Through the lens of narrative, I think that makes Tomura more forgivable, because I genuinely have no interest in there being any plot “resolution” with, like, the dead anti-mutant cultists, because I just do not care about them.
3. Tomura, especially early Tomura, has threatened to go places that are unforgivable, like leaving All Might’s students dead and forcibly bringing Bakugou over to their side (whatever terrible procedure that may have entailed). The difference is that the narrative never actually allowed him to cross that line by actually killing the kids, who we do care about as characters, so while the intent in itself is pretty awful, he was never allowed to complete the action that would take him over to the point of no return. Hawks, however, did cross the line by killing someone who we care about and who is narratively established as a “good person,” who even Hawks concedes is a good person.
3. a. I don’t like the MLA ideologically and I don’t like the decision to have the LOV team up with them. But, again, their takeover plan has been stopped in its tracks, which I’m actually fine with to prevent the LOV from crossing the moral event horizon, but that’s, like… completely irrelevant to me thinking Hawks shouldn’t have killed Jin.
3. b. Though there’s still a chance for Tomura to cross the moral event horizon, and I’m not going to convince myself that it won’t happen. If it’s going to happen, I think it’s highly possible that it might happen in this arc, because now Jin is dead and we know how Tomura and the LOV have historically responded to their friends getting hurt. I, and many others, have called Jin the “heart” of the LOV (his name is also literally written with the kanji for “benevolence”), and now without him, there is no remaining heart nor goodwill.
4. Although both Tomura and Hawks are, on one level, fighting on behalf of the ideals that they were “raised into,” their fights happen in very different ways. The MLA arc in particular made clear that the villains are, in part, fighting for their very survival in ways heroes just aren’t. The threat that the LOV were living under was constant—when it wasn’t heroes or other villain groups, it was trying to find money and shelter and essential upkeep. Hawks may not be “free” from the HPSC or the occasional villain attack, but he’s free from those constant material struggles. He’s not an “underdog.”
4. a. Tomura is also, in part, fighting to protect his marginalized friends. It’s for sure not on behalf of every marginalized person, but it’s certainly more than we’ve seen any pro hero fight for. The people Tomura is surrounded with are people who have never been protected nor cared for before, because they were not deemed “innocent” enough to deserve that care and protection, and Tomura continued to care for them even when it was troublesome for him to do so, when they disagreed with him, when they threatened him, and when they fucked up very, very badly.
4. a. i. Eri is an example of a victim who the heroes fought for, but she’s an easy case to want to love and protect: Overhaul was inarguably an abuser who wanted to elevate the yakuza, she was being used in extended torture-experiment sessions, she killed her father on accident, she’s a child, she’s innocent, she’s selfless, she’s well-behaved. It’s basically not even a question whether or not she “deserves” help.
4. b. It’s people who are difficult who get overlooked. Hawks and hero society are completely unprepared to protect and care for people who don’t behave as they’re supposed to. Hawks did not care for the LOV who didn’t personally befriend him. For the one he did, when Jin didn’t cooperate the way Hawks wanted, he went for the kill. It’s either being easy and “manageable,” or die.
4. b. i. Tomura has specifically spared two people who tried to kill him or actually succeeded in killing his ally, people who he explicitly hated or did not care for. So make of that what you will, I guess.
5. From a leftist perspective, it’s just impossible not to account for the fact that Hawks helps maintain a social structure that creates so much suffering. The question isn’t really whether AFO’s teachings to Tomura are better (they’re not, and I want Tomura to break away from them), but it can’t really be ignored that Hawks is enforcing an ideal that’s wildly popular. Why this matters is that Tomura doing the wrong things will be roundly condemned, and he’ll probably be “punished” for them; but heroes are very unlikely to be punished or held accountable for committing murder, especially if it’s “justified.”
5. a. This is problematic because it allows heroes, and the state, to define what a justified “emergency situation” is, and who can die in those emergencies. The people who are deemed killable “in an emergency” are usually those who are already marginalized; hence heroes can wait until those marginalized people get desperate enough to commit villainous acts, and then they can swoop in to arrest or kill them to widespread public acclaim.
5. b. Heroes (and law enforcement IRL) don’t address the roots of crime that lie in overarching oppressive structures like misogyny and capitalism. They don’t prevent theft by bringing people financial stability; they arrest people who were desperate enough to steal, and use those people to send a message to poor people everywhere. They make these conditions of desperation more permanent by punishing the most vulnerable people when they slip up, while doing absolutely nothing until the slip-up happens.
5. c. Heroes are punching down, and villains are punching up. That may not be the case with AFO, but I believe it with the LOV specifically, and I believe this matters because it’s exemplified between Hawks and Twice. Hawks targets someone who reached out to him, despite being hurt over and over again by types like him, who has dealt with poverty and fantasy mentally illness completely on his own, and kills him in defense of the very society that allowed all those things to happen to Jin. Hawks was given a choice: sympathize and relate to Jin, and acknowledge his well-founded grievances toward a dysfunctional society, or prioritize the safety and security of that dysfunctional society by permanently removing Jin from the equation. The choice he believes in is the choice he made.
5. d. In order for Tomura to make the same choice with the same implications, they’d have to be living in an alternate universe, in the Kingdom of AFO, where Tomura is a respected noble who infiltrates a rebel group who were going to “commit atrocities,” kills the one person who offered him a way out of AFO’s control, and possibly screws the rebels altogether, but everyone is happy that the rebels are gone. Even if you think Tomura is capable of that, it’s irrelevant because canon!BNHA has completely different power dynamics. Because Tomura’s violence will always be unpopular and persecuted, rather than justified and glorified by the state, he physically cannot replicate a choice like Hawks’. Tomura can approximate it, but even if he does, he’ll be hunted down by heroes for doing so. The circumstances and consequences for making such a choice are totally different.
So. That’s why I don’t think Tomura and Hawks can be equated. Suggesting that this is a level playing field is essentially believing that criminals and law enforcement exist on level playing fields, and they absolutely do not at all. Hawks is particularly abhorrent because he’s already followed through with his choice. He holds power by being part of the policing class, and regardless of how he came into it, he behaves exactly the same as everyone else who “freely” joined, and in his position of power he made the choice to eliminate someone who was socially powerless.
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@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed
adampage asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw
OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)
first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.
let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!
okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.
I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?
okay. songs.
so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???
rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.
okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.
then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.
A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.
OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.
the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.
another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.
okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.
FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.
sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.
long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.
now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.
okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.
the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???
okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song
and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.
cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.
ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.
alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.
summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.
we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.
and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.
love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.
overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight
#hangman page#ashley answers#ashleys talking again#tw: weed#tw: alcohol#ANYWAYS what i'd said before is#if you read this whole thing i think im obligated to marry you#also. i forget to mention the title of some of the songs i talk about but it follows the list the whole way down#sorry how non-coherent it is i just. lose it.
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Talk about yesterdays episode.. tell me everything you enjoyed in detail lol.
first of all lemme just say i’m SO SORRY this took me so long to get to i know i said i’d answer this like last sunday but sometimes shit happens!!! but you asked for me to go into detail so i very much went into detail so!!! buckle in!!!
i’m doing this in bulletpoints for clarity otherwise it will just be an incoherent mess lmao
(also for reference this is abt the 8th nov ep aka the ‘you’re my boyfriend’ ep!)
ok so let me preface by saying i fuckin adored this ep it’s like god tier for me rn i love ben and pam’s relationship so mf much i hope she comes back soon
like the fact that she just knew!! she knew smth was going on w callum and ben more or less straight away and ok granted those two were not exactly being subtle what with the domestic they were having in the middle of the albert but u know... for all she knew callum was straight and had just broken up w whitney so the fact that she knows ben well enough to just be able to Know smth was goin on despite all of that?? i love that it says so much abt their relationship!!
and then her being the nan that she is and taking it upon herself to fish for information with jay like ‘callum seems nice.... shame abt whitney 👀’ and then jay covering for their asses by not saying anything but pam is Not Stupid and jay was also tellingly vague so she was instantly like i see 👀👀
and then ben entering the parlour shouting about ‘bring out your dead’ or w/e it is he says like the little shit he is and pam rolling her eyes and just the easy affection of that whole interaction like her gently slapping his face and calling him a little devil like ur damn right he is!! almost literally!! but there’s sm overt affection and love there and it’s so nice to see bc ben doesn’t really get that from anyone else (he does from callum now, and jay in certain situations, but it’s just different u know?? like u dont even see that energy from his own mum v often so it’s just... nice to see idk)
like i just love her she has such nan energy and it’s so comforting and warm and she needs to be around forever not just for ben but for jay and lola and also callum like ? pls come back forever pam
ben innocently trying to help callum out by getting him promoted to manager when he hears jay is gonna take a step back like!! he was really just tryna help bc he knew callum was struggling w money... and alright, he probably shouldn’t have meddled and i get why callum wasn’t happy abt it (i’ll get to that) but i also truly believe that that wasn’t him tryna control the situation or interfere or whatever but him genuinely trying to help out his bf and jay was gonna take a step back anyway so it wasn’t even like he was the one to suggest it or anything idk i just thought as misguided as it might have been it was very sweet and thoughtful
also the fact that ben’s reaction to jay being like ‘i suppose callum could be ready to be a manager’ was basically ‘yeah man have you seen him in that suit!!! he makes my dick hard!!!’ like !!!!!!! he was so sincere and enthusiastic as well like he’s fucking diabolical i love him sm ..... pair that with jay’s reaction basically just being like ‘........................ anyways’ sdkfjsdkfsl iconic scene
and then later!!!! you’ve got ben practically chasing callum into the parlour when he sees him go in there!! he’s so excited to see callum and tell him the good news abt the promotion!! bc he’s done good!!! he’s helping!!! bc he knows damn well he’s in the doghouse bc of what had happened with pam and like the energy he radiated when he walked into that parlour was very much ‘i am coming to u w my tail between my legs bc i know i fucked up but instead of saying sorry i’m going to give u the sad eyes and hope u relent’ and like u can see he was practically buzzing out of his skin as he waited for jay to tell him abt the promotion and he’s looking at callum like ‘look! look at what i did!! i’m fixing it! i’m making up for my mistake!’ bc this is obviously how he thinks he can fix things instead of idk having a conversation and talking abt things but!!! i love it ben’s so cute
but ofc it backfires bc callum doesn’t want ben to fix things!! he doesn’t need ben fixing things!! he can look after himself! and we the audience know it wasn’t like ben went to jay and was like ‘you need to promote callum bc he’s struggling with money’, it was more of a two birds one stone situation. but ofc callum doesn’t know that, and it comes across very much as ben meddling and also - as callum says - very hot and cold. like ben can’t tell pam abt their relationship and will ignore him for hours but will (seemingly) wade in like some kind of knight in shining armour bc callum said he’s having money troubles? nah. i said it at the time but i completely agree w callum’s reaction, i would have reacted the same way if i were him. and maybe on any other day callum wouldn’t have reacted so strongly, but after what had happened that morning w pam it’s completely understandable why he goes off on one.
and like poor ben is so confused like he obviously really thought this would be good news and put him back in callum’s good graces but ofc it doesn’t bc what callum needed was an explanation and apology. and you can see how confused and crestfallen he is bc he doesn’t want to fight w callum and he really didn’t want to make things worse but he evidently has and not only that but jay is there witnessing his massive fuck up in action. and u can just tell from the body language that he straight up doesn’t know what to do or say so he’s just kinda floundering bc he really thought he could fix what had happened with pam bc what? he half talked jay into giving callum a promotion? bless him lmao
then he goes full grovel mode - even if he is still very ben about it - and is leaving him voicemails (meaning he’s tried to call him multiple times, he probably tried texting too lmao) and moping abt in the cafe looking all sad and stressed and it’s just so good bc he knows he fucked up and he’s trying not to let it fester which is a v good and v adult thing to do. plus the juxtaposition of ben being like ‘u know ur gonna forgive me so stop being a diva and call me back’ and then that soft little ‘please 🥺’ tacked on the end??? delicious
and then pam walking up to him and standing there and just sighing. like not a word, she just stands there and sighs like dkjfkjsdkfjlsdkf mood !!
no but ok that whole scene of ben and pam in the cafe really had me welling up like just. everything about it. the layers to it all. and i won’t sit here and dissect every little thing even tho i probably could bc we’d be here all day but like just. all of it.
like pam’s exasperation at ben not telling her about him and callum (bc obviously she’s found out from someone - probably honey, who wouldn’t think to lie abt it if pam asked outright), ben not even being marginally surprised that she knows bc even he must know how obvious he’s been, and she was bound to find out from someone. the fact that he jumped when she raised her voice and pointed at him - i could make a whole separate post about that honestly that just. says so much about ben. but yh.... the fact that she knew without him even having to open his mouth that ben was gonna say it was to spare her feelings (like that’s essentially what he says to callum later in the ep). the fact that he didn’t really have a good excuse to offer her and he knew that. his sad little face and the fact that he made himself smaller and ducked his head like just his body language in general (max bowden is SO good at playing on that shit, he has a way of making ben seem physically smaller in certain situations and i love it sm). ben being like ‘idk i thought it’d be easier’ and pam immediately being like ‘yeah for u not callum!!!’ like the ‘u silly boy!!’ was so heavily implied throughout this whole scene u can practically taste it.
and pam! pam manages to effectively have a go at ben and call him out on his shit without belittling him or being cruel or nasty (and no naming names but like. certain mothers could learn a thing or two 👀) and actually have ben listen to her. because she listens to him and hears him and respects and loves him and he respects and loves her so she can have a go at him and his back won’t go up and he won’t lash out because he knows she’s not going to try and hurt him or be unnecessarily harsh. and that’s why their relationship is so special. also i’m still v bitter abt the way kathy handled calling out ben’s shit as opposed to how pam handled it but 🤷🏻♀️
like it’s such a little thing but it’s the way she waited for ben to speak. ben said ‘i didn’t-’ and then cut himself off, obviously either struggling to find the right words or struggling to say them out loud, and she just waited for him. waited for him to find the words, to figure out how to say it. she didn’t rush him or try and put words in his mouth or anything, she just sat there quietly, patiently waiting for ben to explain himself in his own time. that is the difference between her and everyone else, and that’s why ben listens to her. because she listens to him - and i mean really, actually listens rather than just hearing the sound of his voice ygm
and then they get too the root of it all: paul. he says he didn’t want pam thinking he’d forgotten paul - which is only half true, imo. i think he was (and maybe still is) just as scared that he’s going to forget paul. i think he has a lot of unaddressed issues when it comes to paul and what happened in general. and i think he definitely needed permission specifically from les and/or pam that it was ok for him to move on now - bc other ppl have tried to tell him that but u can tell from how he’s reacted in the past that he doesn’t like ppl who didn’t really know paul talking abt what he would or wouldn’t want. but pam did know paul, probably better than anyone. and she’s telling him that it’s ok. that she wants him to be happy, and that’s exactly what paul would want too. and she would know - she’s his nan. so ben can allow himself to listen to her. he trusts her, trusts that she would know what paul would want, how he would feel. and now he has permission to let go of the past a little bit and finally start moving on.
and that’s hard!! like as much as he might like callum, that’s still a hard thing to do for him!! you can see on his face that it’s hard for him to digest and accept what pam’s telling him - that maybe it’s finally time to let go. it’s just as hard for him to confess that yeah, he does care about callum - he gives her the tiniest nod of the head because he can hardly even bring himself to say it, but he can’t deny it either. and it’s hard for pam too, is the thing. you can from the way her voice shakes as she tells him it’s time to start showing callum that he cares how hard she’s trying not to cry. not because she’s not being sincere, not bc she doesn’t mean it or she doesn’t want ben to move on and be happy, but it’s still a hard thing. the world has moved on without paul, and now ben - the last link to him in a lot of ways - is too, and as necessary and as good as that is for him, it doesn’t make it any easier for them. grief is a weird and difficult thing and i think they both did a good job of portraying the struggle of it in this scene.
and then them having this moment right at the end at the end where they’re just smiling at each other w their heads rested together and it’s not an easy thing and they’re both obviously a bit upset and broken but it’s so sincere and warm and she just pulls him in and kisses his head and he just lets himself be comforted by her and by this point i had a big lump in my chest bc it was a very real and important and sweet moment and i was a lil overwhelmed
the tiny mick and callum scene!! i want more of them!!! we haven’t had a proper mick and callum scene since before the wedding i think and i know realistically it’s bc danny dyer has been doin other stuff and hasn’t been filming much and then when he has been filming obv the focus has been on the ollie/linda stuff but!! i miss them and it was so good to see them acknowledge that they haven’t seen each other much and for mick to acknowledge callum’s relationship w ben (calling it ‘matters of the heart’ 🥺️) it was just Good i love their relationship sm and i miss them and i need more!!
mick being so happy to see pam was just !!!!!!!!!! like everyone loves pam!!!!!!! please can she come back and stay forever pls
ben’s face when he tried to approach callum only for callum to turn his back on him like that boy was CRUSHED and he didn’t know what to do like he just stood there for a moment unsure what to do w himself and it was Gud
the shot of callum drinking his beer looking all mopey and dejected with ben staring at the back of his head obviously pining even if he wasn’t in focus and then pam telling ben to basically get his shit together and fix this and practically shoving him towards callum while ben’s lookin like he’s trying to psych himself up and mick’s just there looking between all of them trying to figure the whole thing out??? high art
ben approaching callum looking visibly nervous and out of his depth... and then callum seeming genuinely surprised that ben had come over... bye
the fact that the first thing ben said was ‘i’m sorry’!!! ben saying he understands why callum flipped out the way he did!!! callum saying he understands that ben was just trying to help!!!! ben acknowledging that callum is hurt and upset and then explaining why he did what he did and how he felt but still acknowledging that he hurt callum!!! the fucking communication!!!!!!!! like honestly it hasn’t been smooth sailing for these two so far but they always seem to be surprisingly good at communicating and talking when smth is going wrong, at least after the fact (esp ben) and i LOVE that it’s so healthy!!
callum doing the very callum thing and being like ‘it’s fine, i get it’ even tho he’s clearly still upset bc he doesn’t wanna rock the boat but then ben being like ‘no, it’s not fine! what i did is not fine! you don’t have the pretend that it is!’ and callum seeming lowkey taken aback by that :-(
(pam and mick just watching on in the background of all of this like the pseudo parents they are like honestly??? maybe the best part of the scene LMAO)
that little bit of nervousness before ben says ‘you’re my boyfriend’ like he said it in a very sure way but you could tell he was nervous bless him... and then the way callum’s face lit up but he tried to hide it and not smile and play it cool with his ‘you’ve never called me that before’ but then it cuts back to ben who has the biggest smile on his face but u can tell he’s tryna suppress it a lil too but failing miserably AND THEN shy ben makes an appearance w his little ‘well you are, aren’t ya?’ like he just wants to be sure!! he wants to ask so callum has the opportunity to say no (though judging by both of their faces he knew callum wasn’t gonna say no lmao) but he’s still ben so he’s gotta ask in this roundabout way... man it’s so cute
combine that with callum’s little pout and squint like he was pretending he really had to think abt it and the tone of his little ‘yeah’ like he was like ‘i suppose so’.... the subtle banter of it all i love it.... but he can’t keep it up for long bc then he’s the one with a massive smile on his face like bro... the sun doesn’t even shine that bright
and then ben’s little disbelieving ‘yeah?’ like he had to make sure :-(
AND JUST PAM AND MICK BEING LIKE AWWW WHEN THEY KISSED AND MICK BEING LIKE ‘HOW LOVELY’ AND JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT THEM IT TOOK ME OUT FR
ben asking callum if he’s happy and callum tapping ben’s chin and telling him he is...................... the two of them looking at each other Like That....... talented brilliant incredible amazing etc
pam being like ‘my work here is done’ i love HER
ben making a point of being like ‘pam i want you to meet my boyfriend’ he’s so fuckin cute i love him
the whole pam and callum exchange from the hug to her holding his hand and telling him how lucky he is to have ben and then telling callum that ben has the biggest heart of anyone she knows but saying it to ben bc she knows he needs to hear that too bc like... when has anyone EVER said that about ben?? when has anyone ever thought that about ben?? but she sees through all the bullshit and sees him for the kind, soft-hearted, loving but equally damaged boy he really is and she wants callum to know and understand that but also for ben to know that too and i’m crying just thinking about it bc you can see ben’s face change and how emotional he starts to get not only bc it’s pam and everything that must be going through his head abt paul, but also just?? someone being kind to him?? saying smth nice?? god i’m broken
like pam really almost had me in tears in this scene genuinely esp when she was clearly getting emotional (as was ben) and she took both of their hands and told them to look after each other, given everything that happened with paul, and them both saying ‘we will’.... like that really fucked me up.... it felt like a Moment.... and then follow that up w pam and ben resting their heads against each other and whispering ‘i love you’ and it was so warm and full of love and adoration .... the ‘i hate goodbyes’.... the palm kiss.... the fact that ben looked like he was abt to cry as pam left... i was a broken woman truly
and then they just went on as if nothing happened and they didn’t just have a very significant relationship moment with the ‘i am lucky’ ‘i’m glad you realize it’ banter lmao
ben being like ‘u have the support of ur boyfriend 🥰️’ when callum was explaining he wanted to leave the parlour like he really couldn’t keep that word out of his mouth huh 🥺️
and the way he grabbed callum’s hand but only managed to get 3 fingers and then callum putting his hand on top of ben’s like for some reason that really fucked me up......... like gays and hands am i right
the journey ben’s face went on when callum told him he wanted to join the police.... the way it went from ‘haha good joke’ to ‘..................... wait he’s being serious’ to ‘oh god what the fuck’ was amazing lmao
and then him interrupting jay and lola w his massive dramatic freak out was so fucking funny like the way jay just shoved lola off his lap when ben come in KILLED me honestly and like ben’s on the verge of a breakdown and his brother and the mother of his child are just taking the piss and laughing at his expense.......... i love family
yeah so perhaps i went a bit overboard w this one but i did make you wait like a week and a half so perhaps this will make up for it lmao ??? but rlly tho i loved this ep sm there was so much good abt it and i want to keep pam forever thank u for ur time 💖💖
#ballum#eastenders#i fully went overboard with this looking at it now but i have a lot of pam feelings allow me#anon#question
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Poppy paige when you got your tickets the day of the show where did you get them? Stubhub or did you buy them at the venue ticket booth?
I GOT THEM AT THE VENUE AT THE TICKET BOOTH YEAH
Anonymous said: I have £24, 000 saved up so I’m ready go for hs2 tour.
SPARE TICKETS MA’AM
Anonymous said: i bought floor tickets for harry at the forum like 2 weeks before the show for $100 last tour but i’m stressed about trying to get them earlier bc i don’t wanna pay more
WELL MA’AM I THINK U JUST LUCKED OUT ON THOSE JFNBHFJK
Anonymous said: It’s because America is a cesspool of corruption and greed and Americans worship corporations and billionaires and allow themselves to be fucked and live miserable lives all for the sake of someone else’s profit even when it does nothing to benefit themselves! And I am American! It’s so sad it’s so expensive to travel here it fucking blows
its the worst
Anonymous said: 5000 euros seems a bit extreme like I love Harry but I can't think about spending that much money on tour, hotels and travel. I feel like I can do so much more with this money for my future and instead invest in 1-3 shows tops you get what I mean?
YES TRU
Anonymous said: Anon sometimes we just like to have fun and chat about ideas. Like is fun to think he could do something in London too, since he lives there, that’s all.
FOR REAL
Anonymous said: There could be more this week besides just these tickets going on sale that we don’t even know about 😭
I KNOW I HATE HIM
Anonymous said: Luckily, anon, Harry will be super busy when he’s in Ny and working so stalkers won’t be able to bug him lol
GOOD
Anonymous said: Me chilling, sipping on lemon water, watching you guys have a breakdown over the tickets knowing that I dont have to worry about them since no one except techno DJs tour were I live and I'm too broke to afford a flight to the shows in Italy - hooty anon
OH NOOJENHJRIFK
Anonymous said: Try living in Scotland where artist only know Glasgow and i live nowhere near Glasgow lol.
GODDDDDD
Anonymous said: ok so i could potentially go to the forum show bc i live in socal but like i’m poor and all my friends would rather wait until he tours and like i agree but i’m going to italy this summer and if harry tours in la while i’m in italy i’m straight up gonna fling myself off the colosseum
BUT OMG TICKETS ARE SO CHEEEEEAP IF U WANNA GO ID SAY GO FOR IT IF U LIVE CLOSE
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reasons why detroit become human makes no goddamn fucking sense beyond just the shitty allegory (aka i nitpick the fuck out of this game)
captain allen refuses to give connor any information about daniel despite this being a hostage situation and connor is there to diffuse it
also allen says that if connor doesnt take care of it he will and if he could why didnt he??
connor can reconstruct crime scenes with so little information that theres no way he could come to his deduction. for example in the first chapter he figures out that the father was holding something when daniel shot him despite there being NO WAY he could know this
theres segregation despite the fact that androids are servants to humans??? how are androids supposed to work for humans if they’re barred from entering certain places??
TEMPORARY PARKING????????????
unemployment is at 35% yet the economy is booming????
unemployed people blame androids for stealing their jobs despite the fact that androids did not get a choice and were made to do certain jobs. their anger should be directed toward cyberlife
markus shows emotion and has a distinct personality before becoming deviant like why does he even need to become deviant when he clearly already is??
carl’s on the nose monologuing.
carl says lets see where we left off and when markus takes down the tarp theres a finished painting. carl makes like five strokes lol.
he also makes the same “oh my god” no matter what markus paints
PRESS X TO SADNESS
how does todd afford kara and alice when he doesnt have a job
and why does he live on ethan mars’ street
and the biggest issue - ALICE IS AN ANDROID??????????
seriously how do android children work? whats the point???? if people hate androids why would they pay money to take care of one????????????????????
honestly how do they work? because alice can sleep but she doesnt eat????? and shes not gonna age so what happens to child androids? do they just have their memories wiped and get bought by another parent????
and if alice is an android, why does todd say kara needs to help with alice’s homework? she doesnt go to school! its addressed in the same fucking chapter!
and why doesnt alice saying anything to kara like hey stop trying to ask me if i want food i dont eat because im a fucking android
also kara figures out that alice is an android at the very beginning yet just ignores it?? i guess??????
and alice has a picture in her keepsake box of todd, his wife, and his biological daughter?? why???????? kill me
todd leaves his drugs in the laundry detergent, makes kara do the laundry, and then gets mad when she finds the drugs
HE MAKES HIS ROBOT TURN ON HIS ROOMBA LSAKDJFLKSJDFLKJSDF
no one does anything when connor enters a bar that doesnt allow androids
also its never explained in game (i think) why connor does the coin trick. i suppose it can be up to the player (i see it as a nervous habit/fidget device but you could also argue its for recalibration)
no one checks the attic of carlos’ house??? and his android hid up there for THREE WEEKS????????????
connor is designed to work “harmoniously with humans” but they gave him a forensics lab on his tongue so he literally just puts blood in his mouth in a crime scene alsdjflsjflajsdlfjdlj
kara serves alice dinner and alice actually sits there but she wont eat BECAUSE SHES AN ANDROID
the guy that comes on the bus doesnt bat an eye when he sees an android in the human section of the bus (i almost threw up typing that)
leo can survive that????????
carl doesnt try to reason with the cops before they shoot markus
why do deviants self destruct in stressful situations? we dont know. we dont fucking know.
connor can show genuine compassion to carlos’ android but doesnt seem bothered by it????
why is there such an extensive android scrapyard? first of all theres android resale shops (yuck) and parts are probably expensive, plus androids have existed for what? ten years at the most? theres no way cyberlife would just allow perfectly good android parts to be thrown away this makes no fucking sense
MARKUS CAN JUST PULL OFF HIS LED LIKE ITS A STICKER
A STICKER
seriously if its that easy whats the point? they already dress androids a certain way, why have the led except to know what androids are thinking? and if theyre thinking dont they have some level of free will?? (for example kara’s turns red when todd threatens her)
no one recognizes kara despite being a relatively common model like yeah she eventually changes her hair and clothes but she’s still got the same face lkadjfalsjdfljsdlfj
connor is unfazed when he’s shot but looks like he’s in pain when gavin punches him???
connor is able to get a confession from carlos’ android but can’t make small talk asdjflskjdfljdf
the whole chapter where markus finds jericho doesnt like have a lot wrong its just REALLY tedious
though the jump scares are stupid
ra9 is constantly referenced (particuarly in connor’s story) but doesnt go anywhere. at all. unless i missed something. but as far as i know its never explained who ra9 is.
(i think its markus)
the deviant in the pigeon filled apartment is just chilling in the attic? why do androids always stay in the same place instead of escaping????
the androids in jericho are really just hanging out in an abandoned, rusting ship doing nothing. like theyre shutting down bc they dont have blue blood and incompetents but no one thinks to go get any until markus rallies them.
also what is up with lucy? why does she talk like she can see the future
THE ENTIRE ZLATKO CHAPTER HAPPENS AT ALL
no seriously!!!!! you expect me to believe kara would just go to the address given to her by some random garbage collector android in the middle of the night which leads to a creepy house with a creepy guy with BLUE BLOOD ON HIS FINGERS who wants to take kara into the basement alone to remove a tracker she clearly doesnt have??????????????????????? she would’ve just booked it
KARA ACTUALLY GETS IN THE MACHINE AND IS SURPRISED ZLATKO IS GOING TO ERASE HER MEMORY
that android that says “whos the real monster” PLEASE MR CAGE MY NOSE IS SORE
connor just fucking breaks the window and jumps in alflskdjflskjfljsdljfkdsfljldsafskdf
putting hank under cold water sobers him up somehow
the game thinks it needs to spell out for me in actual letters on the screen that hank is suicidal despite the fact that you find him unconscious on the floor with alcohol and a gun AND he says he was playing russian roulette.
connor petting sumo is cute but sumo looks like he’s from a ps2 game
markus magically develops the ability to “convert” androids so to speak.
im telling you, he’s ra9
the whole eden club thing is very...icky
like the androids are literally put in tubes like wtf
the tracis have a relationship despite club policy of wiping memories every two hours
also im pretty sure they have the same face...?? why is this not addressed more
hank hates androids but likes it when connor spares them?
kara, luther, and alice dont just stay in the car for the night
luther brings up that theres something off about alice but gets interrupted. this is not the first time it happens. it happens THREE TIMES in total before the reveal she’s an android
the jerrys break the windows like zombies and then are like “dont shoot we come in peace”
the carousel scene is cute but where did the power come from???
connor starts showing signs of deviancy but doesnt notice it??? and amandas just like “stop it” and does nothing about it saljdflsjdflsjkdf
markus does the fake phone call right in front of the person he’s calling
who brought the box up to the bathroom? was it the deviant that connor can interrogate???? explain pls
pick up the bag. carry the bag. put down the bag. open the bag. kill me.
THEY GET OUT ONTO A WINDOW WASHING LIFT BUT THEN RAPPEL UP?????????????????
a giant screen that says rise as markus and north are going up the building
markus removes his skin for the broadcast (ew) to conceal his identity BUT IT REVEALS HIS SERIAL NUMBER THAT CONNOR LATER SCANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
north straight up wants to murder other androids for android freedom
no one finds simon on the roof unless connor goes up there
no one hears connor and the deviant fighting in the kitchen and no one hears connor calling out for help
rose is literally just 2038 harriet tubman
she compares what is happening to androids to what happened to black people in the past yet david cage expects me to believe this game isn’t about racism
kara believes that they will find refuge in canada because there are no android laws there, however the reason they dont have android laws is because CANADA HATES ANDROIDS JUST AS MUCH AS THE US
she has literally no reason to believe they’ll be able to survive in canada. theyd have to act like the cullens and move around all the time.
ntm if androids and their parts aren’t being manufactured, if anything happens to kara, alice, or luther theyre fucked!
markus had to choose between two very black and white options: violence or pacifism. i have a HUGE problem with how this is done bc being peaceful results in the “good” ending while being violent results in the bad “ending
(and for the record, going with a violent revolution can still result in freedom for androids. its just a LOT harder to keep everyone alive)
basically it completely misunderstands how real life oppression works and assumes that if a marginalized group is peaceful, public opinion will go up
thats not how it fucking works dipshit cage
kamski is literally just a weird combination of oscar isaac in ex machina and jared leto in blade runner 2049
like he’s left so ambiguous that you can’t even come to your own conclusion
connor can remark that chloe is pretty and seems sincere but doesnt question himself????
if you choose not to shoot chloe, you get nothing. you either have to replay the chapter and shoot her or look it up yourself. and im not fucking shooting her.
markus and north become “lovers” during a normal conversation
seriously. when it happened my mom and i were like ???????????????
yet markus can’t romance simon despite having more chemistry
and on that topic why can’t kara romance luther???? they have a lot of chemistry too.
the freedom march. just. ugh.
like markus really leads a bunch of androids down a street shouting “EQUAL RIGHTS” lkjasldfjlakjfjldf
markus evolves to the point where he can just look at androids and convert them like what
north and josh clearly both have a death wish
if i have to hear “we were going to crack the case” one more time i will kill david cage myself. do cops even talk like that?
gavin just straight up tries to murder connor????
THEY START PUTTING ANDROIDS IN CAMPS?????????????????? AS IF THE REST OF THE GAME WASN’T BAD ENOUGH????????????????????????
kara finds out alice is an android and luther has to spell out all her feelings for her??? like why would she stop loving alice skalfsjdlfkjdlfj theyre both androids
the fact that connor even has a machine story line
carl just straight up dies while markus is venting about his oppression asdjfsjflskjflkejiofjeijfoejflkjsflsj
we dont get any kind of resolution to connor going deviant. he just suddenly is. how does he feel about it? who cares!
“ask us something only the real connor would know”
why is that human couple with the baby so upset about not getting out of detroit? theyre human. they’ll be fine. i feel no guilt in taking their tickets.
alice can arguably forgive todd as he explains he just wanted to prove he’s a good dad. boo hoo. he’s still a dick.
connor can suddenly wake up androids too????
markus can really save the androids by kissing north or singing.
like
that actually
happens
KILL ME
the president looks like hillary clinton but has a “was a celebrity with no political experience” trump like background
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also in case anyone was wondering why i've been so depressed on main lately:
-i failed to get a summer job bc i was sick until like june and then they were all taken. literally all of them. redneck suburbia is small. and the volunteer thing i signed up for hasn't scheduled me a single day yet and it is julyyyyyy... im doing odd jobs here and there but i really wanted some money (for transitioning!!!) and work experience (for fucking life assuming i dont kill myself within the next 3 years!!!) this summer and i didn't get it. now i have to work during the school year and im probably going to end up in a hospital from mental breakdowns
-as a result i am incredibly bored and basically confined to my house. in the past i confined myself to the house but now id just kill to do like anything. im stuck in the basement with my sister who is cool 99% of the time (the only thing she really does that bothers me is she insists on singing way fucking lower than her range which is still lower than i can sing and it makes me really dysphoric, she's been doing this a lot the past few days) but i want the fuck out i want to be anywhere but my fucking house
-i have like 2 or 3 friends from high school i still talk to regularly even tho its been a year since graduation and they all are super busy with their jobs and being actual people and having lives and partners and things that i just? can't have for whatever fucking reason
-i went to college out of state so as a result all of my friends live in virginia and we voice chat on discord a lot but i really want to see them in person again... i also rly want them to hug me because i'm getting touch starved again
-my new cats aren't helping with my touch starvation a whole lot because they're skittish little kittens and won't let me pet them for very long if at all
-im really anxious about transitioning for some reason? like i dont want to be seen as a girl ever again in my sad life but im afraid of taking t because im afraid i won't like what it does to my body and then i'm afraid it makes me invalid too. everything makes me dysphoric and whenever I'm only having minimal or no dysphoria it makes me anxious bc what if I'm not reallllly tagged and other stupid shit i know isn't true but messes with my head anyways
- not that im seriously putting effort into finding a partner rn bc i don't wanna date as kieran in this town but recently most of my close non-cis then-single friends suddenly got into relationships and now i'm done with "guess nobody wants to date a trans guy" and back to trying to figure out why i'm so attractive and cool to everyone who loves me platonically but haven't attracted a sliver of romantic attention in over two years. seriously as i am typing this my skin hurts from lack of physical touch please someone take one for the team and hold my hand
anyways sorry i'll shut up now but my life just sucks a fucking lot im accepting any virtual hugs you can spare for a poor trans guy just trying to make it till August 24 when his life gets to start again
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it's been a rlly long time but welcome cold anon and ❄ anon!!! i haven't been on tumblr for like 2 months so i hope i didn't miss anyone.
anyways, 2.1 is coming in like 11 hours!!! i'm still fluctuating on whether to pull for baal bc i'm 77 pity in and i have abt 110 spare wishes. i would have risked 50/50 for her considering she's probs gonna be another op support so i wouldn't care abt losing or winning 50/50 but—
i think 2.2 will have 2 reruns and if we're going in chronological order, albedo and ganyu are gonna be next rerun banners but that's if and only if thoma is a 4 star, which he is datamined as. i don't think they'll release yae in 2.2 but who knows rlly.
maybe i'll just single pull until i (hopefully) get sara before i lose/win 50/50. i was extremely lucky and got sayu on my first pull on yoimiya's banner so let's see if that luck lasts. i would legit prefer losing 50/50 if ganyu and albedo are the next banners but if all else fails, well, i have money for a reason.
baal is pretty, but i can save for her rerun. god knows how long albedo/ganyu are gonna take before having another rerun. decisions, decisions...
also, i listened to some of vocaloid's 'of evil' series (daughter of evil, servant of evil and regret message and daughter of white) and oof, that rlly hits hard, especially regret message. i also rewatched ayano's theory of happiness by jubyphonic and once again i realised how easily i can cry for fictional characters. i watched it like 2 years before and i still cry even now.
�� r. anon
r anon!!!!!!! omg i feel so giddy when i saw this ask!! i missed chuu so much!!! how have you been?? tbh so many kind people have been accompanying me in this mess of a blog that im not sure if im keeping track of everyone. i love you all tho <33
by now, 2.1 has come but… but… it’s been five hours and the app still hasn’t finished updating. i pre-installed and all but what use is that if my app store and my internet sucks ass? 😭😭 please lord, i just want to play and meet my mamas… i even finished my papers yesterday so i can play all day but god freaking—
anw, did u decide to pull for baal now that im assuming you tried her out? im pulling for her but im not too sure if i’ll continue to do so if in the very unlikely scenario i lose 50/50. might just save it for bedo since his rerun is not just a dream anymore. it’s like… a lucid dream now…
i heard 2.2 will be ganyu and hu tao? i think so too bc if u think abt it, if ganyu goes first, hu tao’s banner would be around halloween which is her vibe yknow? well idk much actually bc im not really looking at leaks but also bc… head empty just thoma my soon to be malewife #2
man,, i wish i could be as lenient w money as you are (i say as i damn near pull out my wallet for yet another gambling spree). i also dont mind losing 50/50 as long as its w a character i dont have yet. if all else fails, at least i have a guaranteed albedo. i am hoping that they give me at least one sara bc i THINK i value her more than i value baal on like.. a wife scale.
baal is gonna earn a LOT which means her rerun will definitely come… albedo and the others tho?? hmmm with new characters and the focus of the story switching… yea not so sure abt that…
MAN I LOVED THAT SERIES— remember when i told you i had a vocaloid phase? it’s bc of that! the plot, the pain, the no fucking comfort? yes… i love it. i just love to drown in my tears… and ayano’s theory of happiness?? Man. just… Man.
i will now proceed to just lay here with my crippling sadness.
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