#i was really excited to start working on things as soon as i finished uni but

[starry-nocturne]

★ announcements

SOOO! Guess who is back as full blown graduated adult with a bachelor's degree under her belt ✌ And a serious lack of sleep. And pretty darn sick. Oops.

Not to get nostalgic here but this blog has been around since 2017, back when I was in highschool, so being able to say I've survived uni is... kind of a great feat on its own? I recently realized that Ryo has been around for more than 8 years and wow. Isn't that a big number.

Anyways! Now that I have more time I'll slowly go back to doing stuff in here. Hopefully. I really don't want to say anything like "this time I'm definitely doing this thing" because people who have known me for a bit know my motivation is prone to fluctuate a lot </3

So, if I manage to find the motivation and the missing energy, I'd like to:

Work on sprites. Pretty sure I'll fix the last ones I showed here since they're only missing expressions. Not a quality I'm that convinced with but I want to use some art that's my own >< I'm already working on new ones tho,, I also want to work on more art that's not only 5 minute doodles but that will probably take a bit longer...

Writing of some kind. I mean yeah. I've been beating around the bush for years now but even if it's just drabbles and short fics I want to start putting out all my ideas and concepts. Especially lore decisions I've taken that are very relevant to the story and I,, haven't mentioned. Also a route. Two routes, one per blog (at least). I would also like to work on a couple of AUs that been eating my mind for years now <3

More original characters stuff. Who close friends and/or old followers might know about because I literally cannot shut up about all the OCs I have for this series but at least making some sort of profiles so people don't go ??? when I mention a million new names. I think that'd be great

More Mizuki. Yes this is an actual point in here because she needs more attention and I love her dearly. No one told me handling two blogs would be so complicated oof

Update rules, organization etc. Make the blog(s) a bit more user friendly, cohesive and fix the masterlists ^^

But most of all I want to interact with people here ;; I need to think about how to go about it because I have severe social anxiety and reaching out to people is. Awfully hard TT I'll probably make a post in the future so mutuals who are interested feel free to keep an eye out? 🙏 My DMs are always open too!

Anyways, thank you for supporting this messy blog for so long >< <3

[lyak12]

Just friends

Lucy Bronze x Reader

Summary: Lucy has been your girlfriend for three years already, but lately, she's spending more time with Ona than with you. Is she falling out of love with you?

Word count: almost 4.2k

A/N: I'm back with another Lucy fic:) Thanks to @helen-with-an-a for the inspiration:) I still have a few requests that I want to finish soon, but I'm currently swamped with uni stuff... so be patient with me. Also, there is a happy end cause my heart can't take pure Angst hahaha. I hope you enjoyy

Warnings: Anxiety, struggling with self-worth, concussion, vomiting, angsty in general, if I missed something lmk:)

Living in sunny Barcelona, playing for one of the best clubs in the world and all of that with the love of your life. A pretty perfect life one would say. Well, currently, you are feeling none of that.

You are insecure. You always have been, but normally, Lucy is quick to pull you out of that mindset. You’ve struggled with self-worth your whole life. Always thinking everyone is better than you. It has gotten better since you started dating Lucy over three years ago, but one of your biggest insecurities is still that she’ll get sick of you and leave you for someone better.

You know Ona is just a friend. She’s Spanish and they’re really close, so of course there will be lots of physical contact. You don’t mind that. You’re not jealous. You’re just scared Lucy will fall out of love with you and in love with Ona.

All the edits on Tiktok and insta were not helping. It got so bad that Lucy tried to block the hashtags on your accounts. It worked for a while but not long.

As Lucy spends the third afternoon in a row with Ona, you start to get even more insecure and a bit pissed to be honest. “Again? I thought we wanted to go to the beach today”, You ask a bit annoyed. “Am I not allowed to spend time with my friends anymore?”, Lucy asks defensive, not liking your tone. You just sigh and say, “Never mind, have fun”, you say and go into the bedroom.

Lucy doesn’t bother to come after you. You have been having the same discussion for days already. Lucy completely oblivious to the fact that your anxiety is bad at the moment, instead thinking you’re jealous. You change into some shorts and a crop top before going back into the living room, ready to take Narla to the beach instead. However, Narla is gone, too. Lucy must’ve taken her with her to Ona.

Great, you don’t even have your cuddle buddy now. Sighing again, you dry the tears that have escaped your eyes. You grab a hat and sunglasses and go to the beach on your own. Needing to spend your time somehow and the beach and ocean help clear your head.

You get home late, just needing the time to think. “Where have you been?”, is the first thing you hear when you get in before you come face to face with an angry Lucy and an excited Narla. “The beach”, you just say as you squat down to greet the dog. “Until now? You couldn’t look at your phone? I was worried out of my mind!”, Lucy asks loudly.

“I haven’t looked at my phone since I left the house”, you just say without looking at the brunette. “Y/N I’m talking to you! I was worried”, She says angrily. You flinch slightly at her tone. The tears you worked so hard to fight back threatening to escape. You look up and say “I’m sorry. I needed to think. I didn’t realize how late it was getting “, you say quietly, trying to stay busy with scratching Narla’s little belly.

“Next time, look at your phone”, Lucy just says and turns around before getting back to the couch. You cuddle Narla a bit longer, the Westie noticing the inner turmoil in you.

Eventually, you stand up and head into the living room as well. “How was your time with Ona?”, you ask quietly. “You gonna get jealous again if I say good?”, Lucy grumbles. “Lucy, I’m not jealous!”, you say defensively.

“Oh really? Then why are we having this same fight over and over again?”, she asks, looking at you. “Because you’re spending every free minute with her. It’s like you’re attached at the hip. I’m sorry I want to spend time with you too”, you argue.

“Yeah sure, that’s the reason. I’m sorry I’m spending time with my friends. Damnit, Y/N! It’s obvious you’re jealous, at least own up to it!”, Lucy yells, and that cuts deep. That sentence just lets something snap in you. “You want me to own up to it? Fine! I’m NOT fucking jealous Lucy! I’m scared. I’m scared you’re falling in love with Ona! I’m scared you’ll drop me as soon as she says yes”, you yell with tears streaming down your cheeks, letting yourself be vulnerable in front of Lucy.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous! Ona and I are friends, and that’s it! You should hear yourself. It’s absurd. Stop making a big deal out of nothing”, Lucy dismisses your fear. She has never done that before. She knows how your mind works and what she just said will make you spiral. Apparently, though, she doesn’t care.

You just look at her and dry your tears roughly. Giving her a nod before you head away from her. “Where are you going?”, Lucy asks, confused. She can see you’re still angry. “Why do you care? I thought I’m just being dramatic”, you snarl as she notices that her choice of words maybe were not the smartest.

“Y/N”, Lucy tries half-heartedly. “No. Not once have you treated me like this. You act like I’m not even here! You don’t pay attention unless I’m saying something about Ona. You know how much that hurts?”, you yell tearfully. “Now you’re exaggerating…”, Lucy says with an eye roll. You just look at her in disbelief and give her a nod. You swallow hard and say “I’m going to bed.”

With that, you leave her alone in the living room and head to the bedroom. Normally, you never go to bed angry. That is one rule that’s important to both of you. Well, tonight, the rule will be broken. By the time she comes to bed, you act like you’re asleep already. She still kisses your head, but you just pull away from her slightly.

You hear her sigh softly, but she doesn’t say anything. Eventually, you fall into a restless sleep.

As the alarm goes off the next morning, Lucy turns it off, and you just sigh. “Good morning”, Lucy says gently. “Morning”, you just grumble before you sit up with your back to her. “Seriously? You’re still pissed? Come on, it’s getting ridiculous”, Lucy says with an eye roll. You turn to her and say “Even if I wouldn’t be pissed anymore, I would be again after this comment. But yeah, of course I’m the ridiculous one. Because God forbid your stubborn brain could acknowledge that maybe you’re not as innocent as you tell yourself you are.”

You just get up and get into the bathroom. Lucy doesn’t say anything and just sighs. She really does not understand what your problem is. You get ready separately, but you’re not hungry, so you just grab a protein bar and gel to eat before practice.

The drive to the training grounds is quiet. You don’t say a word. Once in the locker room, you quickly change, but your teammates notice the tension between the two of you.

Mapi comes in just as you’re almost done changing. “Oh trouble in paradise?”, she asks with a slight tease. As an answer, you just grab your boots and drinks before walking out of the locker room.

Mapi just looks concerned at Lucy, the teasing smile wiped from her face. You normally enjoy Mapi’s teasing or at least chuckle slightly. “She’s been like that since we fought last night”, Lucy says with a soft sigh. “Last night?”, Alexia asks. Most of your team knew your rule to never go to bed angry. So as Lucy nods, most of them look concerned at each other. This has to be a bad fight.

Everyone can tell you’re not in the mood during practice. You play a lot more aggressively than usual. But not the type of aggressive that would hurt another.

You’re pushing yourself hard today, just needing to get out the frustration somehow. As you do a quick round of scrimmage halfway through practice, you run into the box to be on the end of a nice cross from Frido. However you’re a bit late, so you jump in at full speed, trying to find the ball and head it in. One of those flying headers Lucy is known for. Ona, however, is there to defend you, and since she’s running backwards, she doesn’t see you throwing yourself in for the ball.

You crash together, and the collision makes you hit the ball with your temple, unable to get it into the goal. You both land on the ground roughly, you a few feet away from Ona because of the speed you had come with.

You both groan for a moment, stars appearing in front of your eyes momentarily, your head throbbing. You close your eyes for a second, but as you hear Lucy’s voice, you open your eyes. However, her question, if you’re okay, is not directed at you. She is squatting next to Ona. That was it. Yes, Ona was lying closer to Lucy, but still.

“You okay?”, Frido asks you softly, and you just mumble “I’m fine.” You get up as Lucy walks up to you, resting a hand on your shoulder, but you immediately shrug it off and say “Don’t touch me. Don’t act like you care now.” The team has never seen you so angry. You just walk away from the brunette and make your way back to your position.

You high five Ona, not angry at her for the tackle. You squeeze the bridge of your nose slightly as you walk back. God, your head is throbbing. Your world is spinning, and you’re not feeling good at all. You try to shake it off, but Alexia can tell, so she rests a hand on your shoulder and asks “You okay, y/n/n?”

You don’t answer her trying to gather yourself. However, you only drop to all fours a few steps later as the dizziness becomes too overwhelming. “Y/N!”, Alexia yells and quickly waves the physios over.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”, the Physio asks, and you can only mumble “Dizzy, head throbbing.” Your ears were ringing slightly as you struggle to keep your composure. They look into your eyes and can see that they are unfocused. “Where did you hit the ball?”, he asks softly, having an idea what might be going on.

Your hand moves to your temple and the spot right next to your ear as you almost lose balance and face plant the grass. The physios steady you, and he says, “Yeah, that might be a concussion, let’s get you off the field and checked out.”

“Let me help”, Lucy says, wanting to help you up. “No, please just leave me alone”, you shrug off her hands with tears in your eyes. Alexia steps in and pulls you to your feet before guiding you to the physio room.

“What happened between you? Talk to me”, Alexia asks on the way, knowing the tears are from the emotional pain, not the physical. “We fought badly. She’s been spending a lot of time with Ona lately and ditches our plans for her. You know I’m not jealous. I know they’re just friends, but I’m scared Lucy is starting to fall in love with her and just waits to drop me. However, she completely dismisses my concern, telling me I’m ridiculous and dramatic. I don’t want her here. It’s like I’m not even there anymore. It's always just Ona”, you tell her tearfully, she wraps you in her arms for a second while you sob.

After a minute, you get it together, and Alexia presses a kiss to your head. “I know me saying this won’t help, but Lucy only has eyes for you, but I understand. I tell her not to come in here, but you gotta promise me you’ll talk to each other, okay?”, She says seriously. You just nod before you lie back on the physio bed.

Alexia leaves, and the physio checks you for a concussion. “So you said you’re head hurts and you’re dizzy, any other symptoms?”, he asks softly, shining a light into your eyes. “Nausea, sensitivity to light. I feel a bit out of it”, you answer, and he just nods. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is a mild concussion. The ball really hit you on an unfortunate spot. You should feel better after a few days, but for now let’s get you home and get some rest. No straining activities, keep yourself hydrated, and get some sleep, alright?”, he asks, and you nod.

He helps you get changed before driving you home. The motion of the car makes the nausea so much worse that you throw up as soon as you're home. You try to rest and sleep, but your head won’t let you. The thoughts just crashing on each other making you restless, so you pull on your sunglasses and a hat, grab your headphones to dampen the sounds and make your way to one of your favorite spots at the beach. It’s not a long walk, so you’re fine. The area is usually not filled with many people, so you just lean against the railing and look out on the sea as you sink into your thoughts.

Meanwhile, Alexia walks back out to see everyone have a small water break. Lucy is standing with Keira and Ona, nibbling on the bottle nervously. “How is she?”, she asks Alexia, concerned. “She’s hurt, not just physically. Lucy, what the hell is going on with you? You know how Y/N is, you can’t tell her she’s dramatic and ridiculous, thinking she won’t spiral”, Alexia says a bit angry. Everyone on the team knows that you need reassurance, especially when those thoughts in your head get too loud. And they all could see that was the case lately. “What?”, Keira and Ona ask at the same time as they look at Lucy disappointed. “She was going on and on about how I keep spending time with you and never with her. I just figured she was jealous, and it isn’t a big deal. And as she told me she’s scared I will fall in love with you just something in me snapped, I couldn’t stop it”, Lucy tries to argue quietly as she looks at Ona, but she knows she’s in the wrong here.

Alexia just smacks her hard in the back of the head and grumbles “Estúpida!” “Lucy, her logical brain knows that there is just friendship between us. But you know how insecure she can get, and it’s been getting worse again lately. You should’ve been more attentive”, Ona says, disappointed. “Yeah you better fix this before it's too late”, Keira says seriously, and Lucy just sighs, realizing that she really messed up. “Right now she doesn’t want to see you, I think she has a mild concussion so give her some space, but you guys gotta talk tonight”, Alexia says and gives the brunette a little shove back onto the field.

At the end of practice, Lucy immediately runs to the physio room, but you’re gone. „Where is she?“, Lucy asks the physio as he comes in. „I drove her home. She needs rest“, he says, and she just looks worried at him. „Lucy, relax. It’s just a mild concussion. The ball just hit her at the wrong spot. She’ll be okay in a few days“, he says reassuringly, but it does little to calm her worries. She pushes her hair out of her face and takes a deep breath. „I know, I just really messed up. Thank you for driving her home. I gotta go“, Lucy says and jogs into the locker room. Changing with the speed of light before grabbing her bag and running out again. She doesn’t have time for a shower. She needs to get to you.

Speeding home, she runs in and looks around for you, but the apartment is empty. Grabbing her phone, she calls Alexia. „She’s not here“, Lucy says as soon as Alexia picks up. „Lucy, calm down. What?“, Alexia says, still in the locker room with most of the girls. Ona and Keira look up as Lucy‘s name falls, coming a bit closer so they can hear too. „She’s not here. Y/N is not here. She was told to rest, where is she? What if something happened?“, Lucy asks, worried. Rechecking all the rooms. „Hey Luce, calm down. Come on, take a deep breath“, Ona says, and Lucy rubs a hand over her face before taking a deep breath. „Think. Is there any place Y/N could be? Any place she likes to go to think?“, Keira asks gently but worried about you as well.

The line is silent for a moment as Lucy tries to think. „Isn’t there a spot at the beach close to your apartment that she likes?“, Alexia asks as she remembers you telling her about something like that. „Yeah, I think I know where she is. I‘ll keep you updated, thank you“, Lucy says and hangs up before she grabs her keys and phone and is out the door again. Leaving a completely confused Narla behind.

She sends a quick text to Ona and asks her if she could take Narla out while she was looking for you, which she, of course, does. She runs almost the whole way to the beach. As she gets to the part where it is quiet and especially during this time empty, she sees you leaning at the railing. She sends a quick „I found her“, message to the three girls and packs her phone away. Catching her breath, she slowly approaches you.

„What are you doing here?“, you just ask without looking at the brunette. You know exactly who it is without having to take a look. „I wanted to make sure you’re okay“, Lucy says softly, taking your headphones from your ears carefully. You look at her, your eyes hiding behind your sunglasses. „As you can see I’m fine“, you just say.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. Can we please talk?”, Lucy asks softly. “What? You just wanna tell me I’m ridiculous again? I can deal without, thank you”, You just say and turn to look out to the sea again. “Hey, no”, Lucy says and guides your chin back to look at her. She pushes your sunglasses up to look into your eyes and says honestly “I messed up badly, and I’ve been an ass. I didn’t pay attention and did not treat you like you deserve. I’m sorry. I know a simple I’m sorry won’t do it, but I need you to know that.”

“You know how disgusting it feels to be treated like you make a big deal out of nothing, when it’s all you can think about? When your insecurities and anxiety get dismissed with a simple, you’re being ridiculous? You know how I am Lucy. My logical brain knows that Ona and you are just friends. A simple reassurance and afternoon spend together would’ve fixed everything, but instead, you had to treat me like a piece of shit. Like I’m just this jealous clingy girlfriend. Do you know how much that hurt? To feel like you’re throwing three years away just like that? I’m not asking you to stop spending time with her or not checking on her when she goes down during practice, but, for fucks sake, don’t take me for granted. I don’t need much, but if you want this relationship, you gotta treat me with the respect and love I deserve. Because I can’t take whatever this is much longer. Love me or leave me, that simple”, you tell her as tears start to fall from your eyes. The more words leave your mouth the more tears fall.

She knows how fast you can spiral, but she hasn’t expected it to be this bad. She gently dries your tears as she starts to tear up a bit herself. “Y/N I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I acted like that. I should’ve seen how much my behavior hurt you. Instead, I just kept going and didn’t pay attention. I was wrong, and you didn’t deserve that. I never wanted you to even think about doubting that my love for you is still there. I messed up, and yes, I took you for granted without noticing, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Y/N, I love you. I love you so much, and I don’t know how my head got so messed up that I stopped trying to show that to you. I’m truly sorry, I promise to make it up to you if you let me. I promise, I love you like you deserve because you deserve the world, my love”, Lucy says honestly, and you just hiccup slightly, trying not to sob. This is all you needed to hear, but you spiraled so deep you’re not sure if you can trust her words.

“Are you just saying this, or is this the truth?”, you ask tearfully. “It’s the truth, please let me make it up to you and love you like you deserve”, Lucy says softly, scared that she really messed up so bad that she’s past the point of a second chance. “Okay”, you mumble quietly, praying you won’t regret trusting her. You’re just in a bad place mentally, and it’s hard to even trust Lucy.

As she hears the okay, she’s quick to pull you into her arms and kisses your forehead. She holds you close, and you cling to her, crying into her chest. Tears are falling down her cheeks as well, but her focus is on you. She needs to take care of you now, treating you like you deserve.

It takes you a few minutes to calm down, Lucy’s heartbeat being able to pull you out of those dark clouds in your head and into a more relaxed state. But that also makes you feel the symptoms of the concussion again. It’s a blessing and a curse. You squeeze your eyes shut as your world spins.

Lucy can tell how unsteady you’re getting, so she just tightens her grip on you and says “Shh, I got you, my love. Let me take care of you.” You just clutch her shirt tightly, leaning on her heavily. Your head pounding. “Let’s get you home. You want me to call a cab to get us home?”, Lucy asks softly as she kisses your head. “No, the motion makes me throw up. I’ll be okay, just give me a minute”, you mumble and try to breathe through the pain and dizziness.

“Take your time, I’ll carry you if you need me too”, Lucy says, and you know she will, but it’s a 15-minute walk to your shared apartment. “Yeah and then you won’t be able to walk for the next three days because of your knee”, You tease weakly. Lucy can’t help but smile at this slight return of banter. “It’s worth it for you”, Lucy just says with a soft shrug and smiles before she kisses your forehead.

You just smile softly and rest against her for a moment longer, taking a few deep breaths. “Okay, I’m ready”, you mumble, and Lucy wraps an arm around your waist to steady you while you make your way home slowly. “When you need a break, tell me”, Lucy says and kisses your temple gently, and you nod.

To be fair, by the time you’re almost home, she is half carrying you. You’re exhausted and definitely pushed yourself too hard today after your concussion. The nausea gets worse the more you walk, so barely five minutes away you stop Lucy and start to throw up again into the grass without much of a warning. “Okay, I got you, love. Deep breaths”, Lucy says, gathering your hair and rubbing your back while keeping you steady. There is not much for you to throw up, so you calm down quickly, but your legs are threatening to give out.

“Do you want me to carry you on my back or bridal style? What do you think will make you less dizzy?”, Lucy asks, it’s not a question of if. It’s how you want to be carried. “Bridal”, you just mumble quietly. Being able to hide your face in Lucy’s neck sounds amazing. She picks you up immediately and carries you the rest of the way home. Did her knee protest a bit? Yes, but she’d do it all over again without a thought.

Once home, she carries you to bed, and you’re greeted by Narla, who jumps on the bed and showers you in kisses. Lucy sets up a bucket and enough water before tucking you in. “Get some sleep. Rest that pretty head of yours. I’ll be here when you wake up”, Lucy says, running her fingers through your hair. “Promise?”, “Promise. I love you”, Lucy says softly.

“I love you too, I missed you”, you just mumble before you doze off. The last thing you feel is a kiss on your forehead.

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 3

Eminem x Reader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : Marshall and Y/N decide to celebrate a sobriety milestone but bad news get in the way.

Tag : -

A few weeks went by and you slowly started to adapt to what you could call your new normal. You were getting used to living with your friends and started working on your doctoral dissertation again, while going to meetings and making it to therapy. Every so often, you’d be invited to hang out in the studio with Talia and the boys and spend a couple of hours with them. However, most of your time was devoted to uni work so you didn’t hang out with them too much. In fact, today would be the first day you’d see them in a couple of weeks. If you were honest, you were particularly excited to see Marshall. The two of you had crossed path a number of times since you went on that drive and you always had a good time when you were with him. At that point, it was safe to say you had developed a harmless crush on him. Nothing major, but you did particularly enjoy looking at him and you were always happy to hug him hello and goodbye. You knew he would never be interested in you, so you simply decided to enjoy the sensation of feeling good in his presence.

The night after the two of you went on a drive, Talia had been grilling you with questions, but there was not much to say. The two of you had not talked about it but you were pretty sure she knew about your crush. She knew you too well anyway. Whatever, it was harmless, although she did make sure to always have you sit next to Marshall whenever she had the chance.

That day, you were happy for three reasons : first, it was Friday, which meant you would enjoy the weekend and some much needed rest from uni. Secondly, you were celebrating two months being sober. It hadn’t been without its trials, but you had made it so far and were extremely proud. Finally, you got to see Marshall. You were all smiles when you pushed the door to the studio and greeted everyone.

- Y/N, we have been waiting for you like you have no idea ! Jamal said.

- Oh really ? You asked in disbelief. Is that because you produce your best work whenever I’m around ? You asked with a smirk.

- Kind of, he answered jokingly. But it’s mostly because Marshall has been in a bad mood all day, which usually doesn’t happen when you’re around. So whatever it is, please work your magic and make our life bearable again, I beg of you, he added as he fell to his knees for good measure, in a very dramatic and theatrical way.

- Speaking of the devil, where is he ?

No one had time to answer your question, as Marshall came in the room, looking unnerved and slamming the door behind him. You looked at Talia, whose look confirmed that he was indeed in a bad mood. Everyone was silent.

- Now can we please give it a couple more tries and get that right ? Marshall asked exasperated.

- We’ve been working on that song for hours and nothing good came out, someone pointed out. How about we circle back to that later ?

- No, Marshall said coldly. We can get that thing to sound right and we will.

- Stubborn much ? Jamal asked jokingly before Marshall shot him a death glare.

You didn’t know if Marshall had seen you there or not but you weren’t sure as to whether or not greeting him was a good idea. You just sat next to Talia and stared at your phone as you were trying to finish reading a paper. You didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings before you heard Marshall slamming his head against the mixing desk.

- Fuck. He said. We’re already behind on schedule. This album is going to be my last, I swear. If it ever even gets done.

- You already said that for the last one, Paul pointed out jokingly.

- Yeah well you know what ? I’m soon to turn fifty-two. I’m too old for that shit anyways, Marshall replied.

- Come on, dude. We have our good luck charm here today, Jamal said pointing at you.

You smiled shyly at Marshall, who seemed to ease a little.

- Hey there, he said before getting up to properly greet you. Sorry I didn’t say hi before. That was rude.

- It’s ok, you said as you hugged him. So… last album before you become an accountant ? You know, you could ask my dad for pointers, you said jokingly.

Marshall laughed and kissed your cheek.

- Ok, maybe I was being a bit dramatic and maybe it won’t be the last one, he said with a laugh.

Jamal looked at the two of you in disbelief, yet smiling.

- So he’s been an ass all day, and now that Y/N has been here for ten minutes, he’s laughing ?

Everyone laughed and Marshall raised his middle finger.

- Now that you’re in a better mood, can we PLEASE take a cigarette break ? Someone asked.

- Fine, Marshall said rolling his eyes, as most people left the room and he went back to his seat, scribbling in this notebook.

After a moment of silence, you decided to talk.

- I have News, you said.

- Good or bad ? He asked without looking up.

- Well, you tell me, you said with a smile, proudly showing your newly-earned sobriety chip.

He greeted you with a smile and pulled you in for a hug.

- I’m proud of you, he said before kissing you on the forehead, making you blush. We should celebrate.

- Really ? How so ?

- Dinner ? He offered.

- That sounds good, you said. How about you come tomorrow night ? I’ll cook !

- I’m intrigued, he said. So you’re beautiful, smart AND you can cook ?

- I would also showcase my dancing abilities, but you’d be too jealous, you joked, trying to distract yourself from the fact that he called you beautiful.

The two of you shared a laugh but were interrupted by people coming back from their break. They resumed the work and, thankfully for everyone, Marshall ended up being pleased by one of the versions they recorded.

The next day, you decided to go shopping for your celebration dinner. You decided to cook some French recipe. « Whatever you want, unless it’s frogs or snails » Talia had told you. A while ago, you may or may not have tried to get your friends to taste snails, which ended up in a complete disaster. You were excited to cook and were in a good mood when you arrived to the store. You quickly grabbed the items you needed but the joy left your body when you reached the register and saw Simon - your Simon - kissing a beautiful woman as they were grabbing a few items. He seemed happy as ever. You could not help but stare at them and wonder for how long they’d been together. Something about their demeanour made it feel like they’d been a couple for ages. As you lowered your gaze, in hope they wouldn’t notice you, Simon called your name.

- Y/N ?

- Simon. Hi, you said.

- You look… well, he pointed out.

- I am, thank you, you replied. How are you ?

- Good. Kind of busy.

- I figured, you couldn’t help but say, quickly staring at the beautiful lady he was with.

- I meant with work.

- Oh. Right. Well I’d love to chat but I have to go. Have a good one.

You paid and quickly left the store. For some reason, you felt humiliated, even though Simon had every right to date whoever he liked. After all, you hadn’t been together for nearly three months. Plus, Simon was the very définition of perfection : handsome, polite, successful. Looking back, it was kind of obvious he wouldn’t have trouble finding someone else. And it wasn’t exactly like he made a promise to wait for you either.

Even though you tried your best not to cry on the way home, you sniffled as you walked through the door.

- Baby, are you alright ? Talia asked.

- I saw Simon, today. Kissing someone.

As soon as the words left your lips, tears started to stream down your cheeks.

- Oh, Y/N, I’m so sorry ! She said before giving you a much needed hug.

- I know it’s silly but some part of me thought that… I’d get better and we’d get back together and… and…

- I know. I thought you guys were endgame too, she said sheepishly.

She held you for a while as you sobbed.

- Let’s focus on the positive, honey ! Let’s celebrate those two months of you getting better. I’ll help you cook, she offered.

- Do you mind if we reschedule ? You asked. I don’t feel like celebrating. Or cooking. Or eating, for that matter.

- Are you sure, baby ? Marshall should be here soon. I promise we’ll have a good night, just the four of us, she tried.

- Yeah… can you call him and tell him I’m sorry ? I think I should go to my room and rest for a bit.

You apologised once again and left the items on the kitchen counter before going to your room. You changed into some sweatpants and a tank top and laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It dawned on you that Simon and you were truly over. Even though you tried thinking of something else, you couldn’t help but seeing him with that girl. She was truly beautiful. Probably more deserving of him, too. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing from your eyes. It felt like a fountain. Deep down, you knew it was your fault. You were the one who screwed up. He was the perfect match for you, you screwed up and now, you’d probably end up alone.

You heard a knock on the door.

- I’m fine, Talia, you said while wiping away your tears.

- It’s not Talia, you heard Marshall’s voice say. Can I come in ?

Marshall ? What was he doing here ? You quickly got up and opened the door.

- Hey, you said. I’m sorry, I told Talia to cancel for tonight. I’m feeling a bit under the weather…

- She told me about your ex, he said. But she thought we should do something to get your mind off things. Come here.

He pulled you in for a hug. He grabbed your face in his hands and wiped your tears with his thumbs.

- I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone’s face so swollen after crying, he said with a smile.

- I know, I’m an ugly cryer, you replied.

- Everyone’s ugly when they cry, he pointed out.

- No, that’s not true. Some people manage to stay hot even when they cry.

- Well I’ve never seen that, he said as he shook his head.

- I’m sure Ms. Perfection over there is still beautiful when she cries, you mumbled.

- Who ? Marshall asked, looking confused.

- The girl Simon was kissing. You should have seen her, Marshall. So beautiful. Tall. And blonde. And skinny. And perfect for him in every way. The opposite of me.

You rolled your eyes at the thought of her.

- As beautiful as she may be, I’m sure she can’t compete with you, Marshall said.

- You haven’t seen her, you pointed out.

- I don’t need to, he shrugged.

He was just being nice and you knew it full well. Still, the compliments made you feel a bit better.

- Why don’t you join Talia and Jamal ? Let me just put on something other than sweats and I’ll start cooking.

- I thought you wanted to cancel dinner ? He asked, looking confused.

- Yeah, but Talia still made you come all this way, so I might as well feed you.

- That’s awfully nice of you, he said with a grin.

- Nice of you to come, you said with a shy smile.

- Anything for you, Y/N, he replied with a serious tone. You can call me and I’ll be there.

- Good thing I don’t have your number, you said with a smile. You’d never live in peace otherwise.

- Let’s correct that, shall we ?

He grabbed your phone and entered his number in it.

- Now you can call me, he said. Anytime.

- Thanks, Marshall.

You gave him a shy smile and immediately rang him so he’d have your number too.

- I can help you cooking if you want, he offered. But I should warn you : I’m not too good at it.

- You’re a grown man and you can’t cook ? You asked in disbelief.

- Well I guess I can prepare food. I even worked as a short-order cook, a long time ago. I wouldn’t call that cooking though. Neither would my kids, he said with a grin.

- I’ll teach you a thing or two, then. Let me just get dressed.

- Why ? He asked. We’re staying in. You don’t have to make an effort for me.

You shrugged and headed to the kitchen with him. Truth was, you didn’t want Marshall to think of you as sloppy. Even though he did not really seem to care.

When you entered the kitchen, you found Jamal and Talia hugging and kissing like teenagers.

- You guys are too cute. I can’t handle that right now, you said.

- Yeah, please don’t rub your happiness in our single faces, Marshall pleaded.

- Sorry guys, I’m too in love with this gorgeous lady, Jamal said.

Both you and Marshall pretended to puke. The four of you laughed and started cooking together while listening to music. You tried teaching them how to prepare some traditional French chicken dish. It was a simple one but you hadn’t exactly been given the most attentive students. Marshall was desperately trying to cut the vegetables correctly (nearly destroying them in the process), while Talia and Jamal kept on making out like teenagers. You ended up preparing the dish by yourself. It wasn’t perfect but the group deemed it to be good enough.

- Don’t worry Y/N. If you keep cooking like that, we’ll find you a husband soon enough, Jamal complimented.

- JAMAL ! Talia shouted.

- Sorry. Wrong timing, he apologised. You know what I mean.

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Jamal was really sweet and you knew he meant well.

- it’s good to hear you laugh, Talia said as she grabbed your hand.

- Thanks for being here, guys, you replied. My day sucked but you make it better.

- Anytime, Marshall said.

The four of you kept the conversation going but were soon disturbed by the door buzzing. Talia went to answer.

- Hey Talia. Is Y/N here ? I’d like to speak to her, you heard an all too familiar voice say.

- Simon ? You asked as your heart started racing. What are you doing here ?

[anamoon63]

RL and Sims update post + a thank you note

(Warning: long post ahead, read at your own risk).

I wrote this post to thank you guys for all the likes and comments you keep leaving on my posts, even though, as you may have noticed, I can't be here as often as I used to. Real life has taken over almost completely, as I think it should. There are too many things going on, with me, my family, my country, even my sims and other games, lol.

I'm not going to bore you with daily life problems, much less with sad and depressive stuff, or with previews of a story I don't know when/if I'll ever finish, the only thing I can tell you is that I'm still busy with a lot of work, (fortunately) and family stuff; plus, I (finally) started going to therapy (yes, at my age). So right now, I'm juggling even more things than I already was.

And so I wanted to thank you for sticking with me, for continuing to read the chaotic stories of my wacky characters without judging them; thank you as well for each and every message you have sent to my inbox, be it questions, or flowers and love; and to all of you who continue to tag me both on sims stuff and cute games, knowing that I most likely won't be able to answer you, really, thank you for continuing to think of me. Your messages soothe my heart in difficult moments, and I wish to answer them all, I just don't know when I will be able to do that, hopefully someday.

Now, my sims story. For those of you who might remotely still be interested, I'm currently revising the next few episodes of Time Traveler which I wrote earlier this year. To be honest, I don't know when they will be ready, I just know the story goes on and as soon as I have reviewed these episodes, I'll start taking the pictures. When will they be published? Frankly, I don't know. It could be early 2025, but no promises, as I don't have much free time on my hands now. I manage to write in the evenings, but in-game photo shoots are quite time consuming and have to be done in peace and privacy, of which I don't have much at the moment. So, if I do decide to publish these episodes, it will likely be early next year, and at a rather slow pace.

About my gameplay, in Sims 4 we will continue with the Wilsons until the end of the season (coming soon), and then we will take a small break. As for The Sims 3, we just finished Patrick's story in Bridgeport, so now we'll go back with The Cho Brothers. First, we'll take a brief trip to Lucky Palms with Terence and Cynthia Cho; then we'll spend a rather long time in Hidden Springs and Starlight Shores, to see what has happened with Tyron, the eldest of the Cho brothers. And last but not least, we'll go back to Uni with Dale and Kelly, who I hope will FINALLY graduate this year, hahaha.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am not gone (yet), that if one day I decide to retire I will make a special post about it, I won't leave without saying goodbye, but that day seems far away at least for the moment. 

Now, regarding Inzoi…

I admit Inzoi has captured my interest. As usual, I'm late to the comment party, but I still want to put my two cents about this amazing game. Seeing the trailers and all those beautiful Inzois created by other simmers got me so excited, and at the same time, terribly frustrated to see that the demo didn't contain any gameplay. I need to actually play the game to give an opinion on it! So far it looks beautiful, though I must say that the character creator disappointed me because the sliders are Sims 4 style, which I've always found a bit complicated, I'll forever prefer the Sims 3 sliders, but hey, I had a lot of fun creating my own Inzois.

Hopefully the graphics and gameplay are as good as seen in the previews and its developers won't “break” it into multiple or turn the into a malfunctioning cash cow like EA did with The Sims 4, and to a certain extent, also with the Sims 3 in its time. I hope with Inzoi they'll go for a complete game, no matter if it's expensive, if I consider it is worth it, I'll give them my money as soon as it comes out.

That being said, it is important for me to clarify that I will not abandon The Sims 3 (or even Sims 4 though I don't play it much) for Inzoi. Ever. Neither do I plan to recreate my sims OCs/games in it, because my sims are exactly that, sims. If I ever get to play Inzoi it will be with entirely new characters, although I confess, I did try to reproduce two of my most beloved sims (a boy from the future and a college girl who is a model *wink*) and they turned out pretty well, but nowhere near as adorable as they look in The Sims 3. Plus, the environments in which those two OCs currently move could not be reproduced in Inzoi, at least as far as I know.

Okay, enough of Inzoi. In short: I'm not gone, I'm still here, I'm still reading all your stories, only at a much slower pace, two or 3 simblrs per day at the most. I'm going to read them all, just bear with me, and forgive me again if I don't always comment. Sometimes I don't even have the time or the energy for that. Believe me, 2024 has been an intense year in every possible way, sometimes I really need a break, but I try to be around and will always find a way to keep in touch, even if at times it seems like I'm nowhere to be found, I'll get back to you at some point.

That's all, thanks for reading this far! Have a nice and beautiful start of the week. 💗

P.S. I wrote this post three days ago, wish I had published it earlier, that way I probably wouldn't have gotten a notification that some Simblrs Community 'removed my membership'. When I clicked in said Simblrs Community icon, it said the community was 'private'. I don't know if that's some kind of automatic Tumblr thing, if there's a committee that decides about this, or if it was just a glitch in the matrix; whatever it was, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be here to keep said membership. I didn't even know Simblr was a private membership. For what it's worth, it wasn't neglect or lack of interest for my part, just lack of time. I hope one day to be able to qualify again and be worthy of this membership. At any rate, I thank you for thinking of me and admitting me in your community in the first place.

[enhastolemyheart]

BEAUTIFUL — PARK SUNGHOON

pairing. non-idol!sunghoon x gn!reader

genre. est. relationship, college au, summer au

synopsis. with finals being over, all you wanted was your comfy boyfriend.

warning(s). profanity, reader and hoon are uni students , lowercase intended, use of petnames,

word count. 0.5k

a/n. I was watching some enha 'so so fun' clips on yt shorts and jus randomly thought of this idea saurr here it is!! it's been a while since I've posted, hasn't it? I've been saur busy with school like we have exams like almost every week but im still trying to keep up with my writing. I really hope this came out good, pls lmk!! taglist us open and so are requests! enjoy readingg

finally.

school's over, and summer has started. finally.

you were walking home from the subway to your apartment, your comfy bed and pretty boyfriend waiting for you at your humble abode. sunhhoon wanted to stay over at your place after finals were done because now you have the time of your lives.

you head bobs to the music resonating in your over-the-head headphones, jazzy tunes playing. hands wrapped around your backpack strap. you and so many plans for the summer. first thing was to visit your family back in your hometown with sunghoon, and luckily enough, his parents only live a few streets away so you both planned to meet his parents as well, maybe even have a mini get together.

as you get into the elavator, excitement buzzed in your veins. the thought of finally having to spend some time with your boyfriend is something you wanted for a while now. studying in different universities was hard. he was majoring in science while you in buisness. due to having finals around the same time. you couldn't meet each other for more than two weeks. yeah of course, messaging and facetiming was a thing but being in your third year really put your head in the books for the last two months of the final semester. and now, you say that it payed off in the end, because here you are with a smile on your face, content with how the exam went.

you walk into your place with open arms, wanting to hug hoon as soon as you saw him, but to your knowledge he wasn't there. not in the living room, or the kitchen, or the bedroom. with a slight pout you turn to the bathroom to see if he was there and bingo, he was. looks like he just finished showering.

after he comes out, for some reason, he doesn't see you when he walks past you, into your shared bedroom, humming a random tune. you let out a small pout and follow in his footsteps.

"Hoon, I'm home. did you not see me?"

he gets lightly startled upon seeing you, "i thought you were coming late 'cause of your exam..."

"well, they let us out early," you reason as you watch him retrieve the hair dryer from the dresser, taking a seat on the floor in front of your full length mirror.

"how did the exam go, love?" he pulls you towards him, causing you to loose your footing, making you fall on top of him, your turned into a giggling mess and sunghoon couldnt help but also laugh, dimples making a display.

"it went really well. I'm happy."

"that's good to hear."

you hum as you take the electronic device in your hands, plugging it in and and getting comfortable on his lap. you dry his for him, brushing your fingers through his locks gently. he sighs in contentment before wrapping his arms around your waist more tightly pressing his chin to your chest before looking at you in the eyes.

"you're beautiful."

he always knew how to make your face go red. he loved see you in that shade.

"shut up hoon."

"thank you beautiful." he says after you finish blow drying his hair.

and you both spent the rest of the night, having some take out, maybe even a little it of making out, ending the chill night with some much needed cuddles.

a/n - tysm for reading guys! i honestly dk what the point of this drabble is, I smth in my mind but it did not work out. I've been sick to the point where i couldn't walk properly, heh- anyways tyvm for reading and again, requests are open!

networks. @hyfenet

perm taglist: @jak-ey , @snoowhore , @hsgwrld , @seungiesluv , @1-800shutthefuckup

[thatfreshi]

"If You Simply Must Know" (Uni AU P. 7)

no tw!!

Your class at noon comes quickly enough as you try to focus on anything other than the anomaly of a man you've been presented with. Between scrolling through Instagram and staring off into space, you successfully manage to pass the time. However, you're a little too successful, because that said class starts in five minutes, which means you're going to have to sprint to get there.

When you do finally make it, the class is almost entirely full, leaving you one spot at a long table in the back. And much to your surprise, the six particularly interesting people you'd met over the past couple of days. From left to right, you see Wyll, Astarion, an empty seat between him and Lae'zel, Gale, Shadowheart, and Karlach. So, you take that empty seat, and playfully whisper to the man next to you.

"So much for that meeting."

He almost ignores you. Almost. There's a slight smirk, that you probably wouldn't have picked up on if you weren't looking for it. Remembering your schedule, you realize something quite odd. This is a mandatory public speaking class, which means all seven of you put it off for far too long, especially considering at least two of you are seniors. It almost makes you laugh, thinking about all of you avoiding a class like this until now. The introduction lecture passes by slowly, but soon enough the professor is introducing your first project.

"Now, since there are 21 of you in here, and you've already grouped yourselves accordingly, say hello to your groups for the quarter."

And everyone sitting at your table lets out some noise of dissaproval, and you can hear Gale and Shadow whispering to one another. After the professor finishes telling you where you can find the project details in the syllabus, you get up out of your chair, and sit on the table.

"Okay, listen up."

They almost don't listen to you, but you clear your voice until they all look at you.

"Now, I know we all have our differences here, and if we have to work together, we're all going to be nice about it. Gale, Shadow, Lae'zel, you have to be nice to Astarion, or else."

You then look at Karlach and Wyll on the ends of the table.

"And you two? I don't know what your problem is, but please, please get along. I do not want to baby all of you on how to be peaceful with one another, and I will not hesitate to put any of you in timeout."

"Timeout? What are we, children?"

Shadowheart asks.

"Well, you certainly act like it."

You glare at Astarion for the comment.

"Hey, I'm repping you right now, watch it. And yes, you all are acting like children, and I'm sick of it! Why can't we just try to get along, please? No more petty drama, at least while we have to be in class together?"

"But-"

"Gale, I swear to god, if you bring up the RA thing one more time, I'm going to drop out."

And that seems to do it, at least for the time being. They all reluctantly agree to deal with one another, and Astarion stays oddly silent after your comment about repping him to the group.

"Alright! I mean I only really have issues with Wyll, but it seems like the rest of you got something goin' on."

Karlach smiles, excited to get involved with the rest of you. Wyll goes to make a retort, but pushes it down when the two of you make eye contact.

"So, when do you all want to meet up to work on this?"

The seven of you begin discussing schedules, and Astarion says no to almost every proposed plan.

"God, can you just move some things around?"

Lae'zel is already getting frustrated.

"Funny that you think I can do that. Darling, I promise all my plans are far more important than some silly school project."

He does the thing again with his sleeve, hiding the grit of his teeth well.

"Tell me again why we can't just do Thursday? That's the only day I have free this week."

"Because I TA for Professor Mystra on Thursdays. It's an all-day endeavor."

You try your best to not get onto them again, instead dealing with the issues as they arise.

"Okay Gale, do you have like a lunch break on those days? Because if so, we could just do that."

"I suppose we could meet up for an hour at noon..."

He's clearly not happy to concede to Astarion's horribly busy life, but finally there's a plan.

"Perfect, Thursday at noon! Oh, and we should make a group chat."

Karlach collects everyone's Instagram handles as she passes her phone around the table.

"Nice to meet you guys, see ya! Oh, and bye Wyll."

She flips the bird before laughing and walking away, Shadow staring at her all the while. The group dissolves quickly, and you just so happen to walk Astarion's way when you all leave. You address him first.

"You not a walk and talk kind of guy?"

"Not many people want to walk and talk with me, and if they do it's usually just to tell me something, not to actually converse."

"Well, are you particularly against conversing?"

"No, I just don't have much to talk about I guess. A lot of things in my life have to stay private, whether I want them to or not."

"Okay, well we don't have to talk about modeling and stuff."

"You're quite funny Tav. That's the interesting part, that's what people always want to talk about."

He takes a sip of his coffee.

"Well, I don't care about all of that. I like knowing cool stuff about people, like their favorite color."

Astarion almost spits out his coffee with laughter.

"You're kidding? Like an elementary schooler? You're actually going to ask me what my favorite color is?"

You just nod, awaiting an answer.

"Fine. It's red, if you simply must know."

"Cool! See, was that so hard?"

He thinks to himself that yes, it was actually hard to believe someone wanted to know something so innocent and pointless about him, but he simply sighs.

"No, I suppose it wasn't."

The two of you walk and talk for a while, and you constantly wait for him to say he has somewhere else to be, but he stays. You wander aimlessly around campus for about an hour, wasting time away on silly questions about favorites, and eventually get on the topic of favorite book.

"That's too difficult for me. I read far too much for there to be only one answer to that question."

"Really? When do you ever have time to read?"

"Well, I have to read a lot for philosophy, and I often have issues sleeping. If I don't have time to actually sit down with a book I settle for audio books, but it's not the same."

He goes on talking for a while about his thesis project, something about morality stuff you don't fully understand, but you have this pang in your chest, a feeling that you could walk and talk to him for the entire day and feel as if you lost nothing. Astarion on the other hand, he's nervously waiting for you to tell him to stop talking, but he simply continues on, asking you about ethics dilemmas, the two of you laughing with each other for a very long time. In a split second, the smallest moment in time, he realizes someone is actually interested in him, as a person, and it takes every fiber of his being to push the feeling down so he doesn't tear up in front of you.

[subbe93]

It Has Always Been You, Chapter 1

A/N: Finally, here we are! Here is the start for @starmia ‘s request! I tried to reread and publish this around Easter, but I couldn’t make it, so I decided that as soon as I’m free from school and start my summer holiday, I’m going to do it. And here we are!

Though this time I’m working differently with this fic. Usually, I have drafted the whole story before I have started to reread and publish chapters. I like to do that because this way I make sure that any of my long fics wouldn’t be left unfinished, and I also can promise when the next chapter comes out. But to be honest, I started to feel like I have promised to work on this fic so long and still hadn’t had a chance to start publishing. So I promised myself that as soon as I start my summer holiday, I finished this first chapter and publish it. But the thing is when I’m writing this (it’s Friday, 16.6.), I have nothing written for chapter two. Yeah, you read right: I have nothing for chapter 2, not even a word ^^’ But I start to work on it, and I promise to publish the next chapters as soon as I got them ready! And I’m really sorry about that because I can’t even guess when I got the next chapter ready ^^’

But back to the fic! The request was that Shinichi and Ran tried to date in uni but it didn’t work so they decided to be friends, Shinichi went away and years later after he comes back he is engaged but he realizes that he is still in love with Ran.

So here is a start, I hope you like it ^^

Chapter 1: Back in Tokyo

Shinichi didn’t remember how beautiful Tokyo was. Or maybe he hadn’t appreciated it back then when it was part of his everyday life scenario. But now, after five years in America…

Probably it would have been many years more before he would have even planned to make a visit to Japan if he wouldn’t have got a call from Nakamichi. After catching up, he told him that they were planning a class reunion with their group from high school. So, of course, Kudo Shinichi needs to be there too!

To be honest, part of him wasn’t a big fan of an idea, but people around him started to be excited about it. His mother started almost immediately planning the flight to Tokyo. And when Shinichi tried to get help from his fiancee to find any good excuse not to go, she had just looked as excited as his mother and told him that they really, really need to make that trip!

Well, he could understand why Julia was so eager to make a visit to Japan. That light-haired woman had lived all her life in America and hadn’t traveled anywhere. She had dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing so many different places, but because of school and everything, her dreams hadn’t come true - at least not yet. So it was only understandable that when Shinichi’s parents promised to pay for her tickets to Tokyo and back and also a hotel room - even though Shinichi had said they don’t have to! - she was so eager to go. Well, Shinichi was pretty sure that Julia would have come even though his mother wouldn’t have promised to pay anything.

But yeah. After that, he hadn’t had any chance to say no anymore.

But maybe deep done, he was happy that others were eager to make this trip. Because after stepping on Japan’s land, he felt at home. It was weird, because he had a home in America, but Japan had still a special place in his heart. He had grown up in here, learned much from here… And truthfully, he really missed his old friends. After high school, they went their different ways and didn’t see each other as often as before. He can admit that he hadn’t been very good at keeping in touch with them, but then again, they haven’t with him.

So walking those streets and seeing those familiar places - though some of them had gotten little different looks during the years - brought back so many good memories. All those adventures he had as a child, his first day at kindergarten, his first day at school, all those soccer games he played with his friends, he remembered all cases…

With all those fond memories, he realized how much he had missed it all. Though some things had changed, including his childhood home, which made him feel a little bit sad. But his parents had sold it after Shinichi was sure that he would like to stay in America, so it was only understandable that there were new owners who wanted to make that house look like theirs.

And here he was, being emotional.

“It’s so beautiful”, he heard Julia say as they walked to the park. She looked around dreamily, but that’s how she had walked after yesterday when they had landed. Everything she saw was awesome and beautiful. She had even forgotten her urge to learn Japanese as soon as she had gotten off the plane. Some of the greetings she knew and she knew how to thank, but since she had been too busy to look around while his parents had taken care of everything else, she had lost all possibilities to learn more. But Shinichi hadn’t mind, and to be honest, he was sure that it would be more exciting for her to concentrate to see everything around her instead of trying to learn a new language. At least she could do it when they would be back in America, but views? Well, of course, she could always check pictures from the internet, but to be honest, it wouldn’t be the same as experiencing them now, right here.

“Right?” Yukiko answered excitedly. “So much different than New York.”

“So much”, Julia laughed happily, and from the corner of his eyes, he noticed how she turned to look at him. “You’re so lucky that you got to live both of them.”

That’s what his classmates had said when his parents moved to America. First, they had thought that Shinichi had been a fool because he hadn’t moved with them, and later they had claimed how lucky Shinichi was, to have an easy way to make a visit to America. But he hadn’t seen anything interesting in it. Besides, it just meant packing and all if he had wanted to visit his parents, which he had considered just troublesome.

“I don’t think it’s really anything special”, he said finally and looked at Julia, but those amber-colored eyes were looking around, trying to see everything. “If you want to live or visit somewhere, you just have to do it, right?”

Yet she turned to look at him, giving him that certain smile while rolling her eyes. “It’s not that easy for everyone, you know?”

“But you can always work for it”, he answered.

She shook her head. “You don’t understand, do you?”

He shrugged. “It seems I don’t” he admitted.

Julia laughed and nudged him with her weight. “Don’t ever chance, okay?”

He grinned in answer.

“Alright, lovebirds”, he heard Yukiko say, making Shinichi look at his mother. “Should we grab something to eat? I’m starting to feel hungry.”

“Oh, yes!” Julia answered, as energetic as always. She took a few run steps to walk beside Yukiko, looking at her excitedly, wrapping her arms around Yukiko’s arm. “What do you recommend? I want something new! Actually, Shinichi mentioned…”

Shinichi shook his head mostly himself before following those two and his father. Yet, those cute, pink Sakura flowers stole his attention and his eyes went back to them. He had to admit that he hadn’t remembered how beautiful they were. And they brought back memories that he had kind of forgotten. Well, not necessarily forgotten, but dealt with them and moved forward, leaving them behind when there hasn’t been anything to remind him of them.

And those memories, they were still dear to him. Painful, but dear. But he still pushed them a little further, because now wasn’t a time for them. Right now, he needed to…

“Shinichi?”

And he stopped right there.

That voice…

His name, with that voice, was enough to make him forget everything else around him. For a moment he thought that his mind is doing tricks, because what were the odds to hear that voice just when those memories were coming back to him, but when he turned around, he saw her. That long, dark-haired woman standing there, those orchid-colored eyes looking like there were tears and lips… Those lips turned slowly into that smile. Into that certain smile that had always made his heart race in his chest.

The same smile he had fallen in love with in the first place.

She looked almost the same as five years ago, yet maybe… more like a woman.

“Ran.” It was the only word that came out of his mouth, and for him, it sounded more like a whisper, but seeing how her smile widened even more, he knew it had been much more. Or maybe she had just read it from his lips?

She let out a laugh and ran towards him. Shinichi smiled while opening his arms, taking only a few steps toward her before she jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He laughed with her, closing her into his embrace as he had done so many times years ago. He felt how she pressed against him, and he smelled that same, familiar scent that had always made him a little bit nervous, and yet, when he closed his eyes, he wanted to drown in it. That scent and warmth were so comfortable and caring, making him feel like… home.

And all those memories that he had pushed away, came back to him. He remembered that little girl, tears in her eyes when she had made him a Sakura badge. He remembered all the adventures they had had as a child and how afterward Ran’s mother had scolded them about it. He remembered years in elementary school, he remembered all events from the teen years, all the things they have laughed at, many places where they have visited, many crime scenes that he had wanted to keep her away, many tears she had shed… He remembered every time when she had grabbed his arm, he remembered every time they had held each other’s hands, remembered every kiss…

He remembered the night when he had decided to follow those men in black. He remembered how they had made him take the name Edogawa Conan, and he remembered all the lies he had to tell Ran to keep her safe. He remembered her disappointed and betrayed look when he had finally taken down the Organisation and became back to Kudo Shinichi without fearing to lose her or anyone else close to him. He remembered how after some time they had decided to date again and… and…

“I can’t trust you, Shinichi. Not like… before.”

Without realizing it, he tightened his grip around her.

“It’s been years”, he said finally and opened his eyes, ripping himself out of those memories. Even though he still held them as important and dear memories, everything was connected to everything he had done wrong. He hadn’t lost only the love of his life for that stupid mistake, but he had also lost his closest and dearest friend too. And even though he had made peace with it, learned to live with it, he had to admit that it hurt. Knowing that he had hurt the one he cared about the most…

The fact that she never could trust him as before. The fact that there were always hints of doubt.

Scars that he made, but what he couldn’t heal.

But that all was in the past. He couldn’t chance it. And even though getting over her was painful, seeing her now, looking healthy and fine, he was happy. That had been all he had wished for, that she would be safe and sound, and happy.

“It really had”, he heard her say and sniff while her grip tightened. “Where have you been, Shinichi? I have been so worried…”

It made him let out a soft laugh.

You have still been worried?

“God, Ran, how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to worry about me”, he said, feeling somehow nostalgic. Finally, he made her move a little farther so that he could see her face, examined them, and…

She was still beautiful. She looked exactly the same woman that he had loved, the same woman that he had left behind.

The same woman that moved on, while he couldn’t.

He observed how Ran opened her mouth, like planning to say something, but then she shut her mouth, looking down with a sad smile. And even though Shinichi couldn’t know for sure, he got some kind of feeling that he knew what she would have wanted to say.

“You haven’t called.”

The same phrase he had heard so many times during his being Conan. And now that he thought about it, he could have called her more often back then. But at this point, it didn’t matter. 

But while living in America? How in the world he should have known that Ran still wanted to be in touch with him? In the ens…

“You left without saying anything”, Ran said finally, getting him out of his thoughts. She raised her head, orchid-colored eyes meeting his. “I thought…. I thought something terrible happened to you.”

Like in Tropical Land, many years ago…

It surprised him a little bit. After their break-up, Ran was the one who was okay with it. While Shinichi himself tried to patch his broken heart, Ran had been the one who continued her life without a problem and started to go on dates with others.

She had been the one who moved on.

Shinichi had just been stuck in his sorrow, feeling jealous, angry, and sad when he had seen how Ran dated others. Of course, they had greeted each other, talked if being the same group, or met somewhere and had time, but to be honest, for Shinichi, it had looked like they couldn’t even patch their relationship back to the same level as it had been before their dating. And it hadn’t been a surprise, because she had lost her trust in him. She didn’t talk to him as before, they weren’t in touch as often…

For him, it had looked like she didn’t need him in her life anymore. That she hadn’t been interested anymore to know what he was doing, how he was doing. And maybe it was only understandable. 

It had been the reason why he went to America. Well, honestly he hadn’t planned to stay there long, only enough to get his thoughts in order without seeing Ran or getting depressed to see her with others. It had been a trip that was meant to give him enough space to heal his wound. But then he got a chance to continue his studies in New York. And after some thinking, he had stayed.

So he hadn’t even thought that Ran would be interested to know what he was doing and whatnot, which had been the biggest reason why he hadn’t been in touch. And if she really had been that interested, she could have just asked. Even though he had changed his number, there were still ways to make contact. God, if Nakamichi had found his number, why Ran hadn’t had?

But he didn’t blame her. Almost six years ago, he had known that woman better than anyone else. And if she hadn’t changed, he was pretty sure that the only reason why Ran hadn’t been in touch with him, is because she hadn’t had enough courage to do so.

That’s Ran. Always overthinking even the simplest things. Or at least she had used to.

“To be fair, I didn’t know either that I would stay in America”, he answered finally. “I just planned a visit to my parents like a few weeks or something, but…” He chuckled. “Well, I got a chance to transfer my studies and continue in New York, so I stayed.”

In the end, you were the reason why I stayed in Japan in the first place…

“Oh”, Ran said and frowned. “You should have… I would… I…” Then she shut her mouth and looked away.

She genuinely looked melancholic, and it made Shinichi think that maybe…

“Shinichi? Who is she?”

Shinichi snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look beside him. Julia stood there, looking curiously at him, then Ran…

Oh, he had totally forgotten Julia and his parents!

“Oh”, Shinichi let out, dropping his arms around Ran and taking a step away from her. He wondered how bad it had looked in Julia’s eyes! He hadn’t thought, not at all… “Oh, she…” He stopped and reminded himself to use English again, so Julia could understand him. “She is Mouri Ran, my childhood friend, and… my ex-girlfriend.”

Julia's expression brightened. “Oh, so this is that Ran you had told me so much?” she asked and sounded excited - a little too excited if someone would ask Shinichi. He followed how she went closer to Ran and offered her hand. “My name is Julia Williams, Shinichi’s fiancee.”

Nothing happened. Shinichi turned to look at Ran, who just stared at Julia. Her smile had faded a little bit like there was something wrong. Shinichi frowned. But Ran had been good at English back then, why she…

“Julia, darling, not like that”, Shinichi heard his mother's voice, but he still couldn’t get his eyes away from Ran, who still stared at Julia with some weird expression. He tried to read it so he could do something to help, but… “In Japan, when we met a new person, we introduce ourselves, and after that, we bow a little”, he heard his mother explain, and finally Shinichi turned to look at them when Yukiko put her hand on Julia’s arm, making her lower it. “And it would be more polite to call her Mouri-san or Ran-san.”

“Oh!” Julia shouted out and turned to look at Yukiko confused. “But you always talk about Ran…”

“Because she is our dear family friend”, she explained gently before turning to Ran. Then Yukiko went to her and grab her into a tight hug, continuing in Japanese. “It has been years, Ran-chan! How have you been? You look as beautiful as always!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine”, Ran laughed and hugged Yukiko back, but Shinichi still could see that something was bothering her, even though she tried to hide it.

“Oh, come on, Ran-chan!”, Yukiko laughed and get away from her enough to face her. “You have to tell me more! What you have done during these years? Do you still live in Beika? Do you have a job? Fiancee? Children?”

“Mom!”

Well, it wasn’t like this should have been a surprise: His mother had always been curious, and when she opened her mouth, there could come out anything! But Shinichi couldn’t help but feel so embarrassed. Why did she need to bluntly ask everything that came to her mind? Wasn’t she the one who just a moment ago told Julia to be more polite?

If he would still be on good terms with Ran, this wouldn’t be so awkward, but now?

So when Yukiko turned to look at her, like she had done nothing wrong, Shinichi continued: “Don’t harass her like that! It’s not your concern…”

“Mou, Shin-chan!” Yukiko said. “But I want to know…”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. This wasn’t fine! “Maybe Ran tells you if she feels like it”, he answered.

“It’s okay, Shinichi”, Ran interrupted, taking his attention. He met her eyes and he knew that she meant it. She had always been kind, it seemed that she still was.

And she had been used to his mother’s curiosity, so that was probably the reason that she didn’t mind.

But honestly, the difference from the past was that he wasn’t as close to Ran as he used to be. And he didn’t want her to bother Ran too much.

But Ran smiled gently when turned back to look at Yukiko. “Yes, I still live in Beika and I’m working the closest kindergarten, and… I… I live alone.”

“Oh, but that sounds good”, Yukiko said, yet not as energetic as usual. “Though I’m sad that you are still single…”

“Mom, no”, Shinichi interrupted before she would have time start to pry anything more. Again Yukiko turned to look at him and opened her mouth.

“What about we continue our way to eat something?” Yusaku interrupted smoothly, making only then Shinichi remember that his father was also there. He glanced at him and saw how looked at Ran, smiling gently. “You can join us, if you want, Ran-chan. We offer.”

“Oh, that would be amazing!” Yukiko shouted out happily, hitting her hands together. “We offer and meanwhile you can tell us everything…”

“Mom…” Shinichi sighed. Why did his mother need to be like that?

“I’m grateful for the offer, but sadly, I need to be somewhere else soon”, Ran answered and raised her hand to glance at her wristwatch. And even though it made him happy that his mother wouldn’t have a chance to pry anything else, he still felt a little bit disappointed. It would have been nice to catch up with her, after all these years.

Well, maybe he would get that chance at the class reunion.

“Oh, that’s a shame”, Yukiko muttered. “But it can’t be helped…” Then she started to smile again. “Is it a date?”

Shinichi rolled his eyes.

“Ah, no”, Ran laughed. “I’m just seeing Sonoko.”

“Ah”, Shinichi let out, remembering that annoyed woman… “She’s still here?”

Ran laughed again. “Yes, she still lives here too”, she answered, looking at him with that big smile. “She would be so happy to hear that you’re ba-... in Tokyo. Do I tell your regards to her?”

“Please, don’t”, Shinichi answered and grinned. “Somehow my sanity has been so much better when she isn’t around.”

God, and now he missed Sonoko too. He had never guessed that there would be a day when he would have been ready to drop everything else just to see Suzuki Sonoko and hear her irritating voice. God, he would have liked to… But she probably didn’t want to see him. They haven’t been in touch either, not after his and Ran’s breakup. Shinichi was pretty sure that Sonoko was on Ran’s side and hated him for breaking Ran’s heart.

Well, he wanted to say that he was the one who got that broken heart, but it wouldn’t probably matter. He was the one who had done wrong. But maybe he would get a chance to see her at the class reunion and see how much she would hate him.

But he would never admit to anyone that he missed her. Not even for Ran.

Ran giggled. “Well, that would make her sad, just saying”, she said.

Shinichi shrugged. “I doubt that.”

Then there was a silence. Shinichi looked at Ran’s eyes before she dropped them on the ground, looking nervous. And even after years, even though he had been over her, and moved on, seeing that gesture made him feel a little sad. Somehow this moment only proved to him how much he had lost. It had never been this hard for them to say goodbyes.

“Well”, he started and moved his eyes to Julia, who was observing him. “I think we planned to go to eat?”

“Oh”, Ran let out, making Shinichi look back at her. “Oh, yeah, sorry for keeping you! And I believe Sonoko is waiting too…”

Shinichi nodded. He hated how awkward this was between them.

“It was so good to see you again, Ran-chan”, Yukiko said and gave a fast hug to Ran before moving away. “Maybe we should meet before we got back to New York?”

“It… sounds like a good idea”, Ran answered with that sweet smile.

“It was nice to meet you, Ran-san”, Julia interrupted in English. “And I’m sorry about earlier…”

“No, don’t worry about it, it’s okay”, Ran answered now, smiling apologetically. “I just… I just was surprised… Sorry about that!”

It seemed just to make Julia happy. “Don’t worry!” she answered. “And… I would also love to see you again! Shinichi’s friends are mine too!”

“Yeah”, Ran answered, but somehow it wasn’t as bright as the answer for Yukiko. “I would like that.”

Julia’s smile just widened.

“Okay, maybe we should continue”, Shinichi said because even though he hadn’t seen Ran in years, he still got some kind of feeling that she was a little bit uneasy. “I’m starting to be so hungry.” Then he looked at Ran and smiled. “See you at the class reunion, right?”

Ran smiled at him, but somehow it seemed sad. “Yeah, see you.”

Shinichi nodded before turning. He put his hand on Julia’s back to push her to move with him.

But even though meeting with Ran had gone well - much better than had thought, and honestly, he hadn’t even thought of chatting with Ran even in the class reunion -, something still bothered him. Why Ran had looked a little bit sad? If she hadn’t wanted to chat with him, she probably wouldn’t have stopped him. But he hadn’t blamed her for anything either, right? Or maybe she was just uneasy because it was their first meeting after five years and there were also others…

“You have to continue teaching me more Japanese, Shinichi”, Julia said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at her and saw how those amber-colored eyes looked at him. “I have forgotten the whole thing when we arrived yesterday, and I’m kind of sad that I couldn’t greet your childhood friend correctly!”

“I don’t think Ran minds about that”, he comforted her. “Besides, I thought you would like to concentrate more on views,” he said and nudged her a little bit. “In the end, you don’t see these every day, but making me teach Japanese to you can happen whenever you want to.”

She pouted. “I know, but…”

“Shinichi!”

Shinichi stopped and turned around. Ran was still standing where they had left her, still looking at him. But now she looked a little bit shy. There was a hint of insecurity in her.

“I… I wonder… Would you like to meet before the class reunion?” she asked before letting out a nervous laugh and looking away. “If you have time at some point? I…” Then she met his eyes again. “There are things I would… like to clear up between us. If… if you want give me a chance, of course.”

And even when she smiled, there was glimmering in her eyes. Like…

Like he could say no to her. Has he ever? Besides, that is what he would like to do. If it would mean that they could get back even part of the relationship that they had before the Tropical Land, he would do it. Even though they wouldn’t love each other as they had, she was still dear to him, and he would give pretty much if she would still be part of his life.

“Fine by me”, he answered finally. “If you have the same number as before, we can settle where and when, okay?”

Her smile widened a little bit. “Okay.”

Chapter 2

[seiwas]

HALLOOOO SEL!!!! HRU?! What have u been up to?! I remember reading ur response to my previous ask about my uni crush and some updates lolz! I’ve never been this down bad for a man this is lowkey embarrassing but we move😭

He was speaking to a friend of his on the phone n he was so SO excited to talk about some book lolz. like literally moving the hands, the excitement in his voice ahhhksjskdjs. When i asked him about it, He even recommended one to me and i ended up reading a 500 something page book in like……2 days (pls im pathetic) BUT in my defence, the book was actually super interesting 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ I enjoyed it too + i got to talk to him about his favs! He’s so sweet about this as well, he asked me who my fav characters are n if i have some theories 🤧

He’s asked me to read the second part of it soon cuz he’s super excited to talk more about it n doesn’t want to spoil it for me🥲

in conclusion, idk what to say except that i really REALLY like him😔😔

but enough about me!! Hows it going for u n mr sel😋 I hope y’all are doing super good ♥️

zuro anon

zuro anon hello omg 🥺 im so on and off ive been terrible at responding to you, i'm so sorry!! 😭😭

i've been okay!! the past week has been a whirlwind shjdbfjs started it out reaallly sick (as in coughing with no voice and everything) and i had an important presentation at work 😭 i took some antibiotics and got well really fast fbsajh and just yesterday, i attended a concert of one of my absolute faves 🥺 (it was a last minute one too!! i wasnt supposed to go but a friend gave me a ticket for free 🥺)

but omg crushes are always equally sweet and equally embarrassing sgdbfsjd it's soul crushing i think but also the most floaty experience ever 🥺 truly i adore you for finishing that book in 2 days omg the dedication 🥺 and i'm glad you found it interesting at least!! (shows that you have similar tastes too 🙂‍↕️ i love how it's a lil bonding thing for you two 🥺🥺🥺 SO CUTE! i as well can't wait for you to read the 2nd part so you can talk to him more about it HIHIHIHIHI

(since it's been some time since you sent this... pls let me know if there have been any more developments... JHDSBFASD WAHHAH)

it's so sweet of you to ask about me and mr. sel too!! 🥺 we're doing super well!! it was his birthday a week ago and i felt all mushy abt it bc he's my favourite person 🥺 and the best person in this world ever (to me) 🥺 we're still ldr now but he's coming to visit at the end of the year! he wanted it to be a surprise but couldn't keep it a secret anymore LOL 😭😭😭

[futbolfanficpunk]

The Barcelona call

 Player: Eric García Word count: 1970+ Summary: Eric gets a call while at an away game with Man City from his agent, if he says yes to his agent, it will change everything for his future and yours. Warnings: Angst, fluff, slight smut. Author's note: This took me various drafts and rewrites because it's the first one I write with a bit of smut in it, hope you like it. -----------------------------------------------------------

It was late in the spring and it was starting to get a bit warmer. Eric and y/n have been dating for a few months now. He was away in London playing against West Ham. You talk every day, even if you only see each other an average of two days a week right now. Man City is playing in the Champions League, Caribou, and the Premier, so, that means, you could barely see each other in person but you video call constantly. You even came up with a fun idea of watching movies or series at the same time wherever you are and texting each other while you both watch it, just so you could feel like you’re spending time together.   

      That night, after the 1-2 victory over the London side, Eric called you when he got to the hotel. You were already in bed, getting some reading done for one of the classes at uni. You click the green facetime button. 

“Bona nit, Eric” you said when you saw him on your screen wearing black thick frames, trying to impress him with one of the three Catalan phrases you know

“Bona nit, Y/N” Eric said while smiling “Did I wake you up?”

“No, I’m in bed reading something for tomorrow’s class but I saw a bit of the game, though, you guys did well” you responded

“Yea, we did. No minutes today but hopefully some soon” Eric said while fixing his glasses

“Oh, I’m sure!” you said trying your best to be supportive “you’re the youngest defender, it’s normal, right?”

“Yea, exactly” he replied “but, anyway, I wanted to ask you if we can get together tomorrow night, if you’re not busy with school.”

“I have some things to do for a class, but I can take care of it and we can meet up, not a problem. I want to see you, I miss your face, so much!” you said raising your voice in excitement. You really were craving to hold him and have his scent nearby when you’re close. You had fallen hard for Eric. Every time you met in person, you felt like fireworks were going off around you, you talked and laughed, and couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You were always looking forward to seeing him, hearing his cute Spanish sounding Catalan accent in person and taking off his thick nerdy glasses to make out with him. You made out everywhere there wasn’t a lot of people, and made love constantly. The chemistry was undeniable. 

“Great! And I miss you too, baby! We’ll fly first thing in the morning, go in for a recovery training, and then I will go home. I want you to come over to my flat, I have some big news that I want to share” he finished saying as he was grinning.

“Big news? Can’t you tell me now, please?” you pleaded

“I could, but I want to tell you in person, it’s important” 

 “Oh, is it something bad or…?” 

“No, it’s good.I think you will think it’s great.”

“Hope so!”

“I’m going to let you finish your work. I’m going to sleep, ok? Long day”

“Okay, sleep well, love”

“Good night, baby” he said as he blew a kiss for the camera, you blew one back.

“Night” you said as you waved to him through the video camera and he hung up.

What could it be? It made you anxious to know. Hopefully it was the news of a renewal, or a new contract with better salary or that his parents are moving to the UK. You had no idea.

You arrived at Eric’s apartment all dolled up in a dress, smelling of a soft perfume and subtle makeup. You let your hair down because you knew Eric loved to touch it and run his fingers through it when you were near each other. You rang the doorbell, and Eric immediately opened the door, you both said hello, he gave you a quick kiss, and let you in. Once in, he took your jacket off, and hung it for you, like a perfect gentleman, he turned around to face you and gave you a soft and small kiss that lingered on for a few moments as you felt your body melt with tenderness. When you opened your eyes as he pulled back, you smiled, he squeezed your arm and said  “I’ve missed you”. 

“And I’ve missed you” you replied. 

He had wine and tapas on his small dinner table waiting for you both, he took your hand and guided you to it, signaling for you to sit as he tells you to do ahead, to eat and drink because he made it for you. He pulls your chair closer to his before you sit down, and pats it so you'll sit.

“So, how’s uni?” he asked while sitting down and reaching to grab some of the tapas “It’s fine, but, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” you asked, while sipping a bit of wine, you were desperate to know and couldn’t do any more small talk. “The big news?”

“Yes, Eric, the big news, Can you just tell me? It’s driving me crazy” you said, truly feeling anxious. “Ok, so,” replied Eric“ my agent called me last night and told me Barcelona wants to sign me!”

“Oh! WOW! Fc Barcelona? That’s huge! Congrats” you said as you clapped with excitement

“Yes, I’m so happy! Of course, I told him to make the move happen. I’m going back home this summer, playing for the best club in the world!”

“Oh!” 

Your heart sank. Barcelona, this summer? You thought. How is that supposed to work out? You were so excited for Eric you hadn’t thought about the fact that he would not be around anymore. Your relationship was going well and you had fallen for each other but it wasn’t a super serious one yet, certainly not a moving in together in another country serious. You felt flustered and hot, your heart was racing and your chest was burning. You drank the rest of your wine. Eric was staring at you, noticing how your body language changed and how fast you were drinking while you were lacking a vocal response. He had some wine too. 

“Hey,” Eric said as he traced your jaw line with his finger “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking…I’m thinking…that I’m going to miss you a lot. And that I’m happy for you. I know it was your dream growing up, playing in the Barça academy, to play for the first team,” you said as you refilled your wine glass and then raised it “so, cheers, darling!’ and you drank half your glass in one gulp. You wanted to cry.

“Miss me?” asked Eric as he pulled you in and gave you a kiss on the cheek “Why would you miss me if you’re in Barcelona too?”

“What are you talking about? I’m working in the summer, I can’t go on vacation to Barcelona with you, I can’t afford it, plus what is the point of it? We’re going to be so far away from each other afterward, it’s not going to work, is it?” you felt like you might burst into tears

“Y/N. I’ve been thinking about this since I hung up with my agent. I’m going to Barcelona and I want you to come too. I love you and I need you to come. And not just the summer, I mean, permanently. I really thought about it, kept me up last night, and it’s fine if we both agree that moving in together right now is a little much but I’ll get you your own place, your own apartment. No pressure.  I’ll get my family to help us with the whole university situation, to get you transferred. You can get a part-time job, or focus on studying, you don’t have to worry about money. Whatever you want. I’ll help you. I just want you to know that I’m not leaving you here, in Manchester. There’s no chance of that happening. I don’t want us to be apart more than we already have to. I’m not letting you go” said Eric in a rant, he sighed and asked, “ Is that okay?”

“Are you serious?” you asked back, in shock

“Totalment, amor meu” said Eric “ Playing for Barcelona, I will be able to afford it and I’m not taking no for an answer”  

“This is a lot to process” 

“I know, I’ve been thinking about this all day, but, Do you love me?”

“You know I do, Eric” 

“Then, that’s all we need. We’ll make it work. Please, say yes” he begged as put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You felt so overwhelmed by everything that had been said but you couldn’t deny that you were head over heels for Eric, you wanted to be with him, plus he just said one of the most romantic things you’ve ever heard. Although you were skeptical about how everything was going to work you couldn’t find a reason to say no, you were in love, it made you hopeful and you felt you could trust him. “Okay,” you said as you shrugged “Let’s try it!” as a small giggle came out.

He kissed you right away, and said “Good! I was scared you might said no” as he put his lips on yours again “I’m so relieved” “I was afraid we were breaking up there for a second, I’m glad that didn’t happen ” you said putting your hands on your cheeks, blushing.

“That’s never happening. Come here!” he said and he pulled your body towards his, making you sit on top of him as you were facing him. You embraced each other in a kiss, he slowly deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue in your mouth with palpable desire. You responded with as much passion to kiss him back, then paused to kiss his face and neck, you let your lower lip feel his neck all the way up to his chin where you gave him a lick. He chuckled. You took off his glasses and went back to kiss him some more. You wanted him, you put your hands around his neck while he hung onto your waist. He had been thinking, fantasizing about being with you all week and he let it be known. “I couldn’t wait to get back,” he said as he put his hands underneath your dress to touch your ass, “I want you,Y/N, you have no idea”. He pulled you closer to him, making your legs spread wider. You grind on top of him while you kissed him, as you felt your hips crave for him, you could feel him growing under his pants. You softly moaned in his mouth while your tongue danced around with his, you pulled away to respond “Me too, all the time” catching your breath. Your heart now was quite agitated, you were quite turned on. “Let’s take this to the bedroom, yea?” he asked while kissing the cleavage your dress offered. “Si us plau” you responded while looking at that beautiful dark hair man kiss your tits, you remembered how to say please in Catalan. He looked up “Speaking Catalan already, beu? Maybe this move won’t be so hard”

You stood up, took off your dress, smiled, and walked towards the bedroom in your underwear saying a flirty “Maybe”

He smiled and followed you saying “ I can’t wait to fuck you when we’re there too” 

[the---hermit]

11|03|2023

Today was a good day. I was very productive without draining myself of all energies, I managed to practice self care in many various ways, I went out for lunch with my mom and we went to the bookstore together, which is something we really enjoy. I got a couple of new graphic novels to add to my collection. I was actually having an hard time picking which books I wanted. I opted for graphic novels since lately I am more in the mood for those compared to novels (that's probably because of all the reading I am doing for uni atm). There's a few books that are very high on my wishlist, but I'll wait to be done with the novel I am reading at the moment and with these new graphic novels (although I think they will be part of the read pile pretty soon, as I have already read a book and a half of those I bought on Wednesday).

Productivity:

posted this new book review

continued reading and annotating La Lettura by Maurizio Vivarelli (I did two whole chapters, and started working on the fourth, which means that I have very high chances of finishing the book by the end of next week. I might even manage to finish the whole material for this class, which would be amazing)

read and highlighted the fifth set of protohistory notes provided by the professor

updated my reading journal

did some general planning for the rest of the month

wrote for the creative project I am working with Sasha from @oneanxiousstudybuddy (and I can say I have no idea where our story is going but I am really excited to find that out)

practiced Irish on duolingo

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

took my meds

wore a nice outfit (yes, it counts as self care)

went out for lunch with my mom

went to the bookstore (again, but I said it I would go again, and I am very happy with my finds)

stretching exercises for my back

tonight I will cook myself something nice

[katyspersonal]

I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:

But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd

But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?

Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.

But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..

[ham-kat]

Losing interest in my hobbies

I was a part of an art club in my uni to encourage myself to draw more since I felt burned out if drawing and even though I barely have time I tried to go there in the hope that I would do more art and find more artist friends but sadly I didn't have a click with anyone there and felt really lonely there, which didn't help me escape burn out and art block, but this has been for so long I feel that this is just me losing interest in drawing and becoming an artist, only time will tell.

Uni is a big part of me losing hope to stay an artist but it wasn't the first reason, the toxicity of Twitter and other art communities didn't help either, sadly I was projected to political Twitter instead of more artists, which made me care about meaningless political arguments instead of doing art, I do regret using Twitter to be honest, the other platforms of social media didn't really show my art which was discouraging to me even though it shouldn't matter but i can't lie and that it didn't bother when I was younger. When I was young I thought to myself that if people online like my art then it would encourage me to do more and be better which is the most destructive thought process you can have as an artist. I also believe that taking off a full year to study for tawjihi (senior year if highschool in Jordan) didn't help my art because after I finished the year it felt like I lost all of my artistic skills like I'm in square one. I do hope that i don't lose my interest to my hobby because I love art and I like to draw but I feel that life has been stressing me for so long that I barely have any time for my hobbies and idk when does this stressing ends. I will try to show my art in here but I'm not promising that y'all will like it lol. Of course not everything in my life is doom and gloom, I met new people and I discovered new things that interest me, Im also doing the impossible ( watching one piece) and hopefully I'll watch more anime, I also go to a lot of places that I have never been in because I was a cave goblin who doesn't go out of his house (mainly because the street of my neighborhood is not the best for a kid to grow up in so I just didn't go out in general). I'm also really excited to start gaming again, hopefully I'll do it as soon as I get money, which I'll be getting while working in the summer semester and to test if I can't balance studying and working at the same time, working will be a pain but also financial freedom is the best thing that will happen to me to be honest lmao. I will post more blogs about work and my experience so if you wanna see that you better follow me ;).

[potato-jem]

hello my beloved soulmate nero!!

i’m having the worst week. black friday sales have started like two weeks before the actual black friday and the mall where i work is constantly full. why don’t people go outside every once in a while?? 😭 honestly it’s so full every single day. and the place where i work is soooo tiny. ugh i can’t wait for this black friday weeks to be over so we can go back to normalcy without people constantly pushing you around and being rude :/

anyway i was so stressed i couldn’t even get on tumblr once 😭 i can’t wait for this period to be over so i can get back to our daily chats <3

how are you doing love??

and as for our previous letter, i literally just saw a picture of a heartstopper tattoo that included like six different scenes. it was so cute and perfect but i could never even narrow it down to just six scenes lol we really need some options to just choose from

and i’m so glad you’re relaxing more because you have no uni!! it’s so great!! you definitely deserve some time off now

omg that is so tumblr of you and i love it!!! honestly i feel like a 1975 concert is gonna be so perfect!!!! i can’t wait to hear about that next year

i’m sending you the tightest hug and a kiss on the forehead <3

hello cece my beloved soulmate!!!

that sounds awful! i'm so sorry you're having such a rough time 😭😭 no worker deserves to be treated like that, especially when there is such a massive sale going on. i'm praying that it only gets better for you as this sale ends, and you can breathe a little before the christmas sales start 😭😭😭 (i honestly do not understand how people are so motivated by sales that they go at the busiest of times?? i do all my christmas shopping at the start of the month just to avoid people 😭😭😭)

you poor thing :( i'm sure you were more stressed because you had no time to relax. hopefully, it will all calm down soon, so yes, we can have our daily chats again <3

and as for me, i am slowly getting there myself. i had three 1am finishes in a row 😭😭😭 but one day, we had a fundraiser, so i could dress up. (and i know you might be thinking, "nero, did you wear your spidey costume?" i did not because i did not want it to get ruined. HOWEVER. i did have some old wizard robes and a slytherin tie hanging around, and so i took it in my power to dress as draco malfoy) (obviously i was best dressed) i did have the chance to housesit and that gave me a little moment of pure peace (when i wasn't working) but i am going to housesit for a different place next week with the cutest dog and i am so excited :')

that tattoo sounds so cute, but yes, i really would struggle to just choose six. BUT I MUST SHOW YOU WHAT I AM PLANNING ON GETTING!! I FOUND EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED ON PINTEREST!! (pinterest my beloved)

LOOK HOW CUTE!! i only have a month or two until i can actually start getting my tattoos!! it was the one thing that sucked about being on acne mediation, but my skin is clear now, so that's a good thing.

i'm trying to make more time for movies because i haven't watched movies all year. i'm not even kidding. and i'm also trying to get back into reading stuff that isn't leftover uni material too.

i'm going with one of my best friends and i am so excited!! i will probably cry and make a complete fool of myself at the concert if i'm completely honest, but who cares? and of course i will tell you all about it <3

giving you some tea and a tight hug <3 know that i miss you, but don't feel pressured to come back when you're too stressed to <333

[yassalghul]

ok so life rant under the cut

ok so ok sO

life in shanghai is fine

i mean i get paid very well and the cost of living is very low

school holidays are mad long so i get huge breaks through the year

but i work long hours in term time and it's very overwhelming sometimes, especially when i'm a week away from it starting up again after the summer holidays, and i know i shouldn't complain bc i got a promotion that i basically begged my boss for but i'm terrified of the new year starting and me having the new responsibility

but also life in shanghai is so annoying because the city is so big that it takes FOREVER to get anywhere and we live far away from the metro so if you don't get a taxi (traffic) then you have to walk 15 minutes, grab a hire bike, cycle 15 minutes, THEN get to the metro where it's at least 40 minutes into town

and when you're in town there are SOME museums and nice things to do but most of the stuff that's accessible to foreigners (slash popular) is clubs, bars, live music (but not the good stuff unless you're into dance music or whatever) or eating out. and like those things are fine but not the things i like to do. and the climbing gyms here suck and the board game cafes are forever away and there's other fun stuff but it's just hard to even get started with it

and then this summer was supposed to be great but we had a month in england with husband's family and it was nice but SO STRESSFUL oh my god and we were both just kinda counting down the days til we got some holiday time to ourselves and it feels like this whole summer has been wasted and i'm going back to work and he is studying uni but from a distance so again we're going back to him being home alone and me working long hours and i know we're here for the money and to save for a house and sometimes it's great but other times i just worry that it's not sustainable for another two years

and when we were home i only got to see my friends twice?!?! and i was so excited about the whole holiday, we both were, and it ended up just sucking and it all just feels like such a waste

and i want to move back home like england home and i can't bc like what will we do where will we live

and if i finish the job i'm doing right now, what other jobs are there? where will we live? like what WHAT jobs can i do that arenm't the one i already do, i have made myself into a niche job person and screwed myself over because now i can't really do any other jobs and i have NO experience of jobs outside of working in education anyway

and i kNOW the grass is greener on the other side and i know things will probably be better soon but it's not better now and that just SUCKS

and like all of this is such first world problems and i know this

like oh boohoo my next holiday is to nz and my work pays for our flights

but like we're going to nz so we can have christmas with family and actually i'd rather just have christmas with husband somewhere nice just us bc we couldn't do this summer together but i'm always stressed that i'll disappoint my family and this is an example of it and i hate this i hate it

[cescalr]

fwiw ch4 👀

👀 Ok! So;

A week goes by.  Ron saw less of Hermione. She was helping the Order with their efforts on figuring out the Dark Marks, to see if there happened to be a way to exploit them. Since she got the inspiration for the DA coins from them, it all made sense to Ron, at least. And she was doing other stuff - still going over the texts in the library, and she had been reading about horcruxes, looking a little green but determined. Ron knew why he'd do it, and he wondered if she'd figured it out yet, like she figured out the Basilisk, like she figured out Rita Skeeter.  If Hermione knew about Harry. Ron hadn't told her. Hadn't told anyone - hadn't said a word, outside that halted not-really-a-revelation with Ginny. It was just sat there, loud and unavoidable, in his head.  The boy must die.  Harry knew something - knew that Ron was keeping something from him. And, well, technically he did tell Ginny. So, there were only three people that knew, other than Ron. And Ron didn't know what to make of what he'd seen - what to make of Snape, the traitor, or was he one, really? What was he? Some kind of quadruple agent? Ron thought he couldn't really have been a spy at all. Snape worked for no side but his own, it just so happened that Dumbledore's side was Snape's side, tangentially, which put him mostly in-line with the Order.  Until Dumbledore asked Snape to kill him, that was.  The Daily Prophet was in shambles about it. Ministry had a chokehold on the whole thing, of course, but even then the articles were all confused. Prophet was never an independent paper, not like the Quibbler, and that truth showed itself now more than ever. Amelia Bones was doing the best she could, but it just wasn't being considered good enough. If she got replaced as Minister... Ron sighed. He leant back from the table, put down his knife and fork. Dobby had been showing up at random intervals wringing his hands and offering his services, but nobody was really sure what he could do. Spying, even though he was a house elf, would have been considered too risky.  So, just after whenever he popped in, there they found new food in the pantry. Everyone was always so busy they didn't have time or spare brain-power to question it, but Ron gave him a mis-matched pair of socks, all the same. 

I've been working on this off and on for a year, but Uni's been a real drag when it comes to giving me free time in which to do so. But rest assured, FWIW is getting finished... just, uh, not any time soon.

Oof.

Still! Obviously, FWIW - For What It's Worth - was always planned to be, and is shaping up to actually achieve, a rewrite of HP from GOF onwards with Ronarry as the main pairing, and Ron as the POV. It's my fav little funky fanfic, and I'm super excited to get it finished. I mean, for one, wow! me finishing something!! what a novelty! but also, er, yikes. I started this in 2018 - I was 17! I'm 21 now! I'll be 22 in, oh, six days. Yeah. That's a lot of years to have still not finished this fic. Almost six of them!

This is my biggest Ronarry project, and it'll be sad to be done with it - but the end's a long time coming, and I'm really hopeful it'll meet (or exceed?) my goals for it. You know. by being good. :)

[murdering-time]

An Overdue Explanation and Update

// Hey Folx

I know for the majority of the past few months I have been very inactive and I'll give you the short of it all before the cut. Mental Health and Dropping out of Uni.

Of course I'll be back, I've been in contact with Spider and Doorrat ((who are both incredibly sweet people out of asks for the record)) and I have a few things planned out for the blog which is VERY exciting!

I do plan to go through the Hatters Acrs in BTAS without the use of cameos ((Trial I will maim you)) and Im not too focussed on this blog being cannon compliant !

If you wish to read more, just to know what's up, it's all under the cut, and TW for me being open about my mental health but that's about it

Best to all of you!

Hare

Aha, a curious fellow, eh? (Gender neutral)

Alright, the meat of it all

The past few years Ive been struggling mentally anyway - I flip flop from incredible highs to just inexplicable lows - it's incredible exhausting, leaves me restless and sleep deprived, and worst of all I've been trying to complete university on top of it.

My studies have suffered. I have suffered. And now it has all unfortunately caught up to me.

These past few months I have been doing what I like to call "hermitting" Its where I isolate myself, store and conserve my energy for the small things I enjoy doing, and those I want to talk to.

I have dropped out of University after failing a second attempt and this academic year I am working.I have a new job, I am talking to new people, and I am recouperating myself.

I have a therapist again, too and having been in and out of counselling for just over half a decade it feels like I'm getting somewhere with help.

I should be seeing a psychiatrist soon, and I sincerely hope they can give me some answers for being incredible low emotionally at the worst of times.

So, what does this mean for my blog?

Well! Essentially, I have more free time! Lost more free time!

I can feel the lack of stress of study, I feel lighter, and up until now I was incredibly drained at a constant.

I started this blog in the Summer holiday (nearly just over half a year ago now) and I never thought it would pick up so quickly as it did!

I am having such fun, and I still have Doorrat's ask in my inbox to continue the lore and story of Mad as a Hatter

I have a few tags to make, tag lists, organisation, just for each sort of episode that's explored I can go through the tags and make a tag list

Really, just now, I'm hoping to keep myself a float, Im still working on my stupid little fanfic that this blog was inspired by, and I'm just trying to get myself into the flow of having most the week to myself and not sleeping in

It's fun! Real fun, and from talking to such lovely people who drop by my inbox (Phone Im looking at you too) and all the peope who send and tag me in things

It makes me feel very welcomed and it makes the breaks I need feel valued and understood

Really, just, being a sap on main, I am so touched by the inherent support that there is for me, for Hatter, for this blog, and for the arcs that are being spurred on by all the wonderful asks in my inbox

I love you all very dearly, the spam likers, the lurkers, the askers, the RPers, the people who have messaged me, tagged me, thought about this stupid little blog --

It's an honour to be here and to be supported like this especially with the stress that I've gone through offline UvU

Expect some more lore soon, right now Im just finishing up a scarebest fic for a mate of mine and hopefully going to update the little long term fic Im working on and check exactly where im supposed to be with that on the outline

I'll be sure to draw a little thank you for the wait, and while It would have been appropriate the put Jervis in Arkham BEFORE going AWOL unfortunately I cant choose when my brain decides "hello. Time to hibernate."

Needless to say, this fucker WILL end up in Arkham, which means NEW EMOTES, and you guys will be more than able to ask about the inmates, Jervis' allies, and who he's connecting with within the asylum

Sympathies and regards to all of you!

Hare