#i was reading stuff for it for HOURS yesterday
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heyyy can i request angst with drew, maybe they had a fight (totally a misunderstanding bc yk how we get when we’re on our period 😔) and he was just really mean to her, she feels real bad abt and later he apologizes plss 🙏
love your writing!!!
apologies in the after math ⎯ DREW STARKEY
authors note hi, thank you for your kind words. i hope you enjoy reading lovies. so close to 2k of you all, oh my gosh, i'm so grateful!!
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summary its the time of month and you get overstimulated easily. drew and you have a little argument that leads you two for not talking for a bit till he comes into your shared room.
warning(s) being on your period, crying, arguing, cussing.
You started your period yesterday and have not been in the best. Your mood swings vary every single time during your period⎯don’t know what mood you’ll be. You've been lying on the heating pad since four in the morning⎯You're going through it now.
The cloudy weather makes you feel peaceful, and you're snuggled up on the couch, watching movies to distract yourself from the cramps. This is your typical routine on your period because you don’t have a lot of energy to do anything in the very beginning.
Drew left the gym around seven in the morning and was heading home. He went with Chase, one of his Outer Banks castmates. He texted you that he was only around the corner from the house.
Drew came to the house, put his stuff down, stepped into the living room, kissed you on the cheek, and asked if you wanted to join him in the shower to ease your cramps.
"Come with me, baby; it will feel good," Drew encourages, kneeling in front of you and leaning forward, reaching, softly caressing your lower back.
Drew does everything he can to ensure your well-being during your period. He despised seeing you in pain and discomfort. He secretly brought you coffee, donuts, and your favorite flowers the last time you were on your period. He also respects your boundaries.
"I don't see why not," you shrugged, removing the blanket from your body and folding it before following Drew down the hall to your shared bathroom.
A few hours go by, you are in one of your negative mood swings. You woke up from an hour nap. Drew and you had a fight⎯the fight began over something pointless. Of course it did. Drew had left his shoes in the middle of the hallway yet again, and as you stumbled over them, something inside you cracked.
Drew casually dismissed your aggravation with a lazy, "Relax, it's just shoes," lightly chuckling, and you let out a rush of pent-up frustration.
"You're always doing this, Drew! You have no regard for anyone else's space or time. It's like, "Geez, are you even trying?"
His jaw tensed as he put down the drink he was holding. "Are you serious right now?" His tone was cut as a warning. "You're overreacting."
"Don't you dare tell me I'm overreacting," you said, your face flushing. "Maybe if you actually paid attention for once—"
"Fine!" he said abruptly, cutting you off. His voice rose, intense. "Do you want me to pay attention? Fine. But maybe you should quit looking for reasons to start a fight. Not everything is a major issue, you know."
The words felt like a slap. Tears welled up in your eyes before you could stop them, and you fought to let them fall. You stood paralyzed, unable to speak due to the lump in your throat. Drew inhaled sharply, raking a hand through his hair and muttering something under his breath.
As time passed you didn’t say a word to Drew—both of you were quiet. You stayed in your shared bedroom scrolling through tiktok. Drew was somewhere in the house doing something.
There was a soft knock at the door, "Hey," Drew said, hesitantly and quietly.
You didn’t answer. Part of you wanted to stay stubborn, but the crack in his tone made your resolve falter.
The door creaked open, and you could hear his cautious feet. "I'm sorry," he added, bringing his voice closer. "I should not have spoken to you like that. "I didn't mean it."
You peered out from beneath the cover, seeing his sorrowful gaze. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and his hair was ruffled, as if he had raked his fingers through it in irritation.
"I was out of line," he added, crouching near the bed. "I just lashed out." That is on me."
Drew continues to explain he was even more out of line knowing you are on your period and you have these little moments where you aren’t in the best of moods. He was validating your feelings, putting the blame on himself. However, you shouldn’t react that way to begin with.
The honesty in his tone made your throat clench.
"I'm sorry, too," you said quietly. "I didn't intend to provoke a fight. "I just..." I've been feeling lousy all day and took it out on you. "I should not have done that."
Drew shook his head softly. "No, do not do it. You are free to express how you feel. "I just want to be better for you."
He grabbed your hand and lovingly squeezed it. "Will you come out with me? "I have something to show you."
Curiosity got the best of you. The wonders of what he has for you. Was he doing something to make up for the altercation? So many things running through your mind.
When you entered the dining room, your breath hitched. The table was set with your favorite dinner, and candles flickered softly in the dark lighting. An arrangement of your favorite flowers was placed in the center, their beautiful fragrance filling the air.
"I know it doesn't erase what I said," Drew replied softly, caressing the back of his neck. But I wanted to make it up to you. You mean everything to me, and I detest the thought of you thinking I don't care,” wrapping his arms around your waist, kissing your cheek a few times.
Your eyes welled up again, but this time with glad tears. You hugged him firmly and buried your face in his chest.
"Thank you," you replied softly. "This means everything to me."
He kisses the top of your head and wrapped his arms around you. "You mean everything to me," he said quietly back.
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my english essay is due today at 11:59 and i haven’t even finished an outline
#i was reading stuff for it for HOURS yesterday#trying to fond evidence of psychology in The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall#*find#im so tired#fackum says
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This art is doing things to me
#Are they... You know......... 👉👈#atsushi nakajima#osamu dazai#dazatsu#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s1#mine#Yesterday I spent one hour cleaning this but I'm really nowhere near to done#The canvas is just too large (834px of width) and the image way too grainy.#I can't redraw stuff if it's this grainy and even cloning wasn't getting me anywhere#Not even noise correction works...#After sleeping over it‚ I resolved that it's probably for the best to reduce the image size.#Hopefully then the lineart will be compact enough for me to draw over it#It's just. WHO HAD THE INSANE IDEA of putting illustrations under text.#Not only it's a huge shame it covers the art‚ but also... When reading the novel‚ I was seriously struggling to read the text–#that overlapped with black areas#That's such an incredibly poor editing choice I have no idea how it could get through publishing.#Publishing houses are truly insane the only way something like this could have happened is by overworking and understaffing. It's crazy#THERE'S NOT EVEN A WHITE OUTLINE. C'mon peoples.#Alright sorry rant over. Dazatsu is SO real tho ♡♡♡
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There are tears in James' eyes when they look back. They found themself a tragedy. Regulus isn’t the best at saving people. He’s never done it before, but he’ll succeed for them. They might be the only person worth succeeding for. The moment settles over them, and their lips turn upward. Not very much, it’s hardly noticeable even in the light, but it’s something. The ocean is still climbing in their eyes, and the tides go in and out with their breath, but they’re smiling now. They’re safe. Regulus will save them again if need be, any time no matter where. He’ll do whatever they want. Whatever they want. I Might Like You Less Now That You Know Me So Well
Leonard Cohen - Boygenius/unknown/unknown/More Than This - Patrick Ness/Cowboy Take Me Away - The Chicks/We're in Love - Boygenius/Cowboy Take Me Away - The Chicks/Alex Hirsch/Unknown/Unknown/Leonard Cohen - Boygenius
#supposed to be studying for an exam i have in two hours#i did this instead#i'm thinking about it#someone commented on it yesterday and they had Just figured out James' plan#and I was thinking about it again#like I could go on and on about this fic but I'm in the tags so I won't#I'll just leave this#I'm trying to not make my web weaves so long now#i'm trying to keep them as small little things#also like i might do this with more of my fics it's fun#or any fic i've read really i've done those too or characters i might do web weaves of characters or ships or stuff#i might make an ask game with that later... now that i think about it hold on#jegulus#jegulus fic#fic: i might like you less now that you know me so well#web weave#web weaving
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Fixed the door that Johnathan had slipped through, not letting that happen again!
#dracula daily#dracula#re: dracula#may 18th#it's going to be all ooc after this tag on this post so feel free to ignore as i babble on about graduation and breathy mention mental heal#i graduated high school yesterday#which feels completely wild because their was a point in my life where i thought i wouldn't ever see it due to some mental health stuff#it just feels so serial to be here and be getting ready for college come fall#dracula daily has been with me for most of highschool#i first entered the fandom just after my sophomore year when i made my first tumblr account#i read it every day during lunch junior year when i had no friends with the same lunch hour#it's meant a lot to me and will always be connected to a certain time in my life#highschool wasn't great but i had some amazing teachers and made friends i hope to keep for the rest of my life#thank you too all of you lovely dracula people for making me smile all these years#i'm excited to keep reading and making silly jokes as i head into the world
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Whoever decided it was a good idea to bake a pie on a fucking wednesday afternoon is a goddamn clown and should be dropkicked into the sun
#🤡#it's me#god it was SO much more complicated than i thought!#i baked pie just a few weeks ago and there was no problem so i figured today would be the same but nooOoO#i can't function in a dirty kitchen so I had to do the dishes first and let my ingredients thaw as most are stuff i buy or gather on sale#and then use when i have energy or want to#but yeah i did the dishes for like an hour and a half yesterday so in my brain baking a pie would just be as easy as me going to the kitchen#and getting started! meanwhile i forgot mom cooked dinner yesterday and somehow that woman uses every goddamn pot and pan in the house when#she cooks#so i had to clean that up plus glasses and utensils and stuff we used since yesterday afternoon#anyway then i started on the actual fucking pie and i semi followed a recipe this time and it called for one and a half TEAspoons of#cinnamon but last time i baked a pie i was just going off my own brain and i used half a TABLESPOON so like. same fucking thing basically#but my brain read the recipe and was like oh that's kind of a lot. double checked yep that says tablespoons okay i mean sally hasnt led me#astray before in it goes THEN MY BRAIN READS IT RIGHT and I'm like fuck#that said 1.5 teaspoons not 1.5 tablespoons#and i had dumped it in on top of other unmixed spices so i couldnt just scoop it out#anyway i think i managed to save it maybe? drained a lot of liquid and reduced it instead and i tasted an apple and it was good though i#havent tried the reduction yet and i only added a little to the pie#AND THEN FOR SOME REASON I DECIDED TO DO A LATTICE CRUST. EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE BEFORE#and did i look at a guide? nope. it took forever#anyway girlie is finally in the oven and if it turns out bad I'm throwing out my oven#my post#baking#this took so much more energy than i was expecting it to#it better be fucking good!
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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shoutout to walmart for doing more for my community than the government officials are
#the situation here is being handled so poorly 👍#there was a news article i read that listed everything city officials said they were doing#but have given no evidence or proof of ACTUALLY doing and the article said they would continue reaching out#bc the officials were not responding to them#it took fucking KEMP for us to finally request federal aid#we weren't under a state of emergency until 2 hours AFTER the hurricane hit#i just#its fucking ridiculous#but there are some walmarts providing water hot meals wifi spots charging stations#abd i saw shower and layndry services listed as well ???#while the city gave out water twice in a location that was out of the way for much of the city#during a time when getting gas is a 4+ hour trip#while we're under a curfew#AND they cut our water for 2 days while none of us had power and it was 80-90F outside daily#now we're on a boil advisory#which again so much of the city can't do without POWER#but at least i could shower so long as i was careful jfjsjcj#anyway#yeah. YEAH.#fuck this city fuck our government fuck our mayor#hopefully biden approves our request for assistance and then maybe we can actually get something happening down here#sorry i just#i read about the walmart stuff and remembered all of the nothing happening from our government#and got angry#also i went to one of the water things they did yesterday and ended up just driving home bc the line was SO LONG#and like i get it i do but maybe idk have more than one set up in different areas??#or have it last longer than an hour or two????#idk. idk. im annoyed.#shh ac
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finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.
had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.
feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!
#it's been. a tough few weeks. i couldn't focus at all last week. only got work done on the weekend. yesterday was........ tough.#monday wasn't as rough but was equally exhausting#so! proud of myself that i got. stuff done. big stuff even!#started keeping a task/reward journal to help out too :)#so every night i'll write out some tasks that need to get done the next day#and as i finish them i check them off and give myself silly little stickers to track what i managed!#so i get like. 1 sticker per 10 pages read (bc i usually need a break every 10 or so pages rn) 1 sticker in a diff color for chores.#1 for teaching stuff (laying out a lecture plan/finishing the lecture/doing a dry run/doing the lecture) 1 for meetings etc etc#it's helping bc i have a dumbass brain that doesn't give me dopamine for completing tasks anymore#it all gets lumped into 'yeah i did the bare minimum bc that's what i need to do. that's not special-#-no reward for you! you didn't really *do* anything. just scraped bare minimum!'#turns out that's bad for you lmao to get No Rewards#so i have a journal now! so i have hard proof that shows that i've Done Shit.#and i think the last two weeks i've been 1. underfed 2. overtired and 3. on the verge of burnout#so i haven't been able to do much. but a major stressor is gone now! (the bmv trip...)#and it like. immediately lifted a veil from my brain. 0-60 in like 40 minutes flat.#i hadn't realized how stressed about that i'd even been. it was taking up so much of my brain's metaphorical CPU.#so i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to do what i was doing two weeks ago. just plugging along at my usual pace#instead of just barely dragging my carcass forward#so! anyway. update that was unasked for but you sure are getting#i fuckin did stuff today! fuck yeah!#it is now an hour past my bedtime i'm gonna crash tf out. bedtime. sleepytime. good night
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Today is a... "I'm going to read as much as I can" day
#for the past few days I've been getting 300-1000ish words a day#Just to get back in the swing of things#Except yesterday in which case I ended up studying French for two hours (... Accident.) and then through sleep deprivation had a Massive#migraine#I get the feeling sleep deprivation Will be a thing today too HOWEVER. However.#I'm going to be just... Reading through a bunch of stuff I like.#Specifically my husband's book+rereading a little bit of bsd+rereading a little bit of Pandora Hearts#does it count as rereading if I haven't touched it since like. 2008. does it really.#at this point I might as well consider PH Fresh Eyes#I did remember a lot more than I expected to though#ANYWAYS that's aside the point#I would like to reread part of SBG and Lumine too but those are lower on the list rn @_@#Ainsley.txt
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sorry for not posting much on tumblr lately I've been trying this thing called "having a life" have any of u guys heard of it idk it's kind of niche....
#went out to a boardgame bar w the climbing gays after work yayyy#and yesterday i was at the gym..... after just getting back from visiting another friend this whole weekend. my social slay#it was lush hes sooo sweet + such a good host + lives in such a gorgeous place.. spent our time between the beach n playing dark souls <333#nothing planned tmr tho i need to go to lidl after work n play elden ring for a few hours.. but the rest of my week is booked#work training stuff has been soooo boring but at least its a 15 min walk from my flat so i dont have to wake up at 6:30 <3#have had some wobbles but tbh im tired of oversharing on here every time i have a breakdown. i only do it cuz im imagining someone ik-#reading it so i dont have to directly communicate w them. but i need to either start communicating w ppl directly or just drop it tbh#or journal i guess... many options. i say this but if i have decent internet connection next time ill prolly forget n ventpost anyway sdjdf#but i wanna at least try n break bad habits yknow....... ahhh#anyway hope everyones doing gooood.. i gotta go shower n check my personal email n maybe ill play a little elden ring before bed#byebyebye#.diaries
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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I love how terms from college are still stored in my brain even if I don't use them regularly.
I'll just be going about my day and then randomly remember that the Laramide orogeny during the Cretaceous was what resulted in the formation of the Rocky Mountains.
#geologically speaking the Rockies are babies#practically popped up yesterday!#anyways it's Geology Hours rn#....shit dude if anyone reading this wants to ask me a geology question#even if it's just like ''what is the best rock''#I'm down for some asks#it's been a while since I exercised those parts of my brain#don't want to lose all the stuff I learned lmao#speecher speaks
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I love wasting time on the clock
#I think I’ve literally done fuck all for a total of at least 3 hours#including the like two hours I spent just sitting around and reading at my desk before my shift was over#that was yesterday#and also yesterday my boss was like ‘there’s always stuff to do!!!’#that may be so#but I am only on this earth for a fraction of a fraction of time#and I will not be spending it optimizing my time to be a slave at my desk#so I’m gonna read my book and enjoy my life thank you very much#thoughts#I’ve also applied to like 4 jobs lol……
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...................i still want the garrus ducky
#i have spent. five and a half hours reviewing employee training forms and handbooks and aoda accomodations and staff regulations#and yesterday. also five. i deserve something for all this. HOWEVER there in lies my issue in my reading is prep for getting paid#i have NOT been paid yet. and i will not for two weeks. but. duckarian......... and the darkhorse statue.... ugghhhh.#it was just my birthday and people got me stuff and im still strapped for money while im not paid yet+fam is helping with my bills#god. i cannot justify it i canttt. please wait for me mr vakarian ducky.... im still sad i missed elias and chise popup parades#what if i miss my birdman too. aaaaahgg!!! shit!!!#armour clanking
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I have such a stomach ache
#my mum is scaring me#not in a bad way she's just not acting like herself at all and i don't like it#but i can't blame her it's not her fault she accidentally took her antidepressants twice today of course that would affect her mood#but it's just not fun it feels unpleasant#and tomorrow i am going fish shopping with my uncle even though the tank still isn't ready?#but my mum just kinda yelled at me so I'm not even sure why#hrrrgh time to google search a bit to refresh my memory on the fish keeping stuff#on a positive note i cleaned my room yesterday after procrastinating it for several hours by reading#it took 20 minutes total to tidy up the room lol
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