#I did remember a lot more than I expected to though
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https://dailycollegian.com/2023/12/there-is-no-bad-person-disease/#:~:text=There's%20no%20health%20condition%20that,do%20with%20your%20overall%20morality (not sure the links I've given are functional but y'all can copy them into your search bar anyway)
People with NPD are capable of apologizing for past behavior, admitting to weakness, sacrificing themselves, showing others respect and decency, they can have morals and some of them (not all) are capable of empathy which btw is not required in order to do something heroic- also it's possible to act heroic for selfish reasons. they have fragile egos and often can have complexes (like ya know a guilt complex that makes them an overly self sacrificing martyrs) I'm sorry tony being a good person/attempting to be better doesn't negate him from having the 'evil' cluster B personality disorder. Tony's self importance doesn't manifest as being cruel or outwardly selfish it manifests in his guilt complex and playing hero. His belief that he is special fuels his guilt further. He's a perfectionist.
"I expect more of myself than everyone else. I have to be perfect or I'm useless." - a diagnosed narcissist
He is cold and dismissive and he can brag a lot. He's a functional narcissist so he's not gonna freak out when criticized. It's almost like narcissistic people are people and are complex and aren't so solely just a bunch of negative symptoms and traits of their disorder. He's also got several disorders that are comorbid with NPD such as substance abuse disorder and he has an avoidant attachment style- perhaps to protect his own ego and cope with childhood trauma. He used to exploit others heavily and is kind of a toxic boss. He was rejected, and neglected by his father and praised for intelligence so much as a child and had to deal with a lot trauma before getting kidnapped by terrorists. All of the traumas he faced are common in people with npd
tony displays: arrogance, haughty behaviors, and attitudes. a grandiose sense of self-importance. a lack of empathy or an unwillingness to identify with the needs of others and behavior that is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends. It doesn't manifest as outright cruelty like I said his grandiose sense of importance actually motivates him as a hero and makes his ego weaker though he's functioning so he can still take a blow
I am mainly going based off the comics and I'm aware that the MCU tones him down quite a bit but he still displays some of these traits.
I remember back then when autism was also just a lost of negative traits/symptoms a school counselor would point to 'an autistic person have no empathy and are completely rigid and black and white in their worldview, they will break down over dumb things are violent etc' being autistic when I was kid didn't mean you were a kid with a disability it meant you were a brat and a burnout. It meant you were unhygienic and aggressive and RIGID- which according to way too many people meant robot control freak rather than seeking comfort in things like routine and lacking the skills/intellectual capacity needed to function outside of them or they have panic attacks when taken out their routine and ya know aren't being manipulative and are having involuntary emotional responses- and I would hear autism parents complain about their kids and i would hear adults raised by autistic people talk about the scars they had been left with and they deserved to vent because yeah it can be traumatic and stressful and they are victims but it became something ugly toward me. People with cluster B personality disorders have it way worse than I ever did (dear god they get criminalized) but I relate for a reason. I like characters like Tony because they have traits associated with stigmatized disorders and shows those traits in action vs how we envision them when hear about the disorder- when you hear self important you automatically assume it means selfish and don't realize how complex and different that trait can look across the board and we get to see that they are complex and capable and even good people. I know not everyone has to agree with the headcanon and I understand why many of Tony's fans get mad at this headcanon but you don't have the best knowledge of NPD I'm guessing. People hear traits like entitled and interested in success and power and automatically think of the worst case scenario- megalomania and taking whatever they want no matter the cost and don't see how those traits can manifest in a variety of ways and not all them are destructive. Your statement apply to some not all narcissists. I don't know if you have trauma and if you do I'm sorry if this reads as cold or mean but I really hate when people talk about personality disorders like this. Npd can manifest in a variety of ways
"everyone is different" yeah including freaking narcissists that wasn't a gotcha. Your statement was legitimately ableist
everyone who says that tony is a narcissist has probably never met a narcissist but as someone who lived with one for Fifteen Fucking Years I can tell u that he isn't even close to one
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Today is a... "I'm going to read as much as I can" day
#for the past few days I've been getting 300-1000ish words a day#Just to get back in the swing of things#Except yesterday in which case I ended up studying French for two hours (... Accident.) and then through sleep deprivation had a Massive#migraine#I get the feeling sleep deprivation Will be a thing today too HOWEVER. However.#I'm going to be just... Reading through a bunch of stuff I like.#Specifically my husband's book+rereading a little bit of bsd+rereading a little bit of Pandora Hearts#does it count as rereading if I haven't touched it since like. 2008. does it really.#at this point I might as well consider PH Fresh Eyes#I did remember a lot more than I expected to though#ANYWAYS that's aside the point#I would like to reread part of SBG and Lumine too but those are lower on the list rn @_@#Ainsley.txt
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.
#static.soundz#crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad#bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons#when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad#and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college#bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection#bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular#but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood#so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna#drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds#that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year#when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music#i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm#im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.
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Now here are the graphs everyone's actually been waiting for.
Results for: 7 deadly sins rankings, Sexiest Flower and most Edible Rock.
(Perhaps there will also be a bonus chart at the end..?)
Here are the (current) results.
ROCK EDIBILITY
Rock #1 (Vanadite) was the most edible, followed by Rock #6 (Beryl) which was also the Least controversial rock (least stdev), which I would interpret as responders could generally agree on the edibility of Beryl? I saw someone mention it looked like rock salt or himalayan salt, this might be why?
The least edible rock was Rock #4 (amazonite), followed by Rock #5 (Fluorellestadite-Hemimorphite), which was also the most CONTROVERSIAL ROCK! Its edibility score had the highest stdev, people could apparently not agree on how edible it is. I personally think it looks like ice-cream, with the little specks of vanilla bean in it, I was quite surprised people didn't wanna eat this thing.
And in the middle are Rock #2 (Agate) and Rock #3 (Kämmererit). I was expecting Kämmerit to do also better in all honesty, it looks like rock candy to me!
The differences in these rock-edibility scores are not enormous though overall.
(What I also wanted to do was do some sort of scatter plot comparing the average percieved rock "edibility", and then where said rocks fall on the mohs hardness scale to see if there's any kind of connection, but that's a project for another time.)
What I DID do is create an additional variable called "Average rock edibility" (terrible name) which is the average of the all the scores a responder gave to ALL rocks, to see if there's a certain demographic more keen on eating rocks overall.
The answer is Tumblr seems more keen to eat rocks. Folks from SurveySwap and SurveyCircle seems the least keen on eating rocks.
Now onto actually interesting findings, if you do a scatterplot comparing this avg. rock edibility score, to a responders age you get this beautiful scatterplot, which is perhaps not the most impressive scatterplot the world has ever seen, but R-Sq is 20.5%! (=20% of variation in rock-edibility is explained by age, which is not a lot of course, but it's interesting) On average, for each additional year in age, you will rate your rocks 0.07 points less in terms of "Edibility". (Clarification for those not well-versed in statistics, this means nothing)
I'm sure there's more to say about rocks, but now let's move on to,
Flower Sexual Appeal.
The SEXIEST flower was Flower #4 (Gloriosa/Fire lily), followed by Flower #6 (Catherine-wheel pincushion). I don't have any good commentary on this, I just think some introspection for us all is in order.
The most UNSEXY flower was Flower #5 (Dandelion), which also happened to be the least controversial flower, everyone rated this flower as "Unsexy". (Sorry dandelions). The second least sexy flower was Flower #3 (Rose). Perhaps people don't find "classic" flowers exciting?
In the middle was Flower #1 (Daffodil) and Flower #2 (Wisteria), the latter being the MOST controversial flower, which is interesting as it's ended up the middle! This means it's likely many responded either gave Wisterias either a very high or very low score, and they ended up cancelling each other out? Did not expect Wisterias to be polarizing, I must admit.
Now, similarly to the rock-edibility score, I also made a variable for flower-sexualappeal, and these two scores are unsurprisingly slightly correlated with each other (R-sq 27% I think? I don't remember), if you're keen on eating rocks, you probably also want to fuck flowers.
Interestingly though, age has much less of an effect on flower-sexualappeal, (this line is clearly just skewed by that outlier at the end,) the R-Sq of this regression line is only 5% (Which is even more nothing than the relationship between age and rock-edibility) But then also, this question is at a later point in the form, so maybe I'm just missing the demographic that submitted the form early here. But more unsurprisingly, these scores look similar to the rock-scores when divided up by where responders found the form. I'm sure there's even more to find that I haven't found yet.
Next up,
SEVEN DEADLY SINS RANKING.
Here it is in table form, in order of highest rank to lowest. But as intuitive as it is, it's very boring, so here is an exciting sideways bar chart!!
(In retrospect I realize I should've made the horizontal axis start at 2.5 for easier legibility, but oh well. It's also from yesterday, so the information in the next chart might differ slightly.)
The bottom ("totalsumma") is the same information as table above, but I've also chosen to include the avg. rankings among responders who describe themselves as "cisgender", "transgender" and "neither" respectively, which is interesting because they rank the sins differently!
Cisgender respondents rank "Lust" the highest, and Transgender respondents rank "Sloth" the highest instead! Other than that, both these groups rank similarly to the overall average.
However, people who describe themselves as Neither have very different rankings compared to the overall average.
This is the same information as in the chart above, but just people who answered "Neither", sorted from highest rank to lowest. (For this chart I had the sense to make this chart a bit more legible too.)
I find it super interesting how people who answered neither on average ranked "Lust" the lowest? I suspect maybe people who describe themselves as neither trans nor cis, are also more likely to be ace-spec? But I cannot confirm this bc I haven't found a good method of parsing through the responses in the gender and orientation questions.
BONUS CHART!!!!: IS THIS A SANDWICH?
Here is a summary of the amount of people who responded that, yes, this is a sandwich, ranked from most sandwich to least sandwich.
I was a bit surprised that hamburger was so high, I don't personally see hamburger as a sandwich. I was also surprised toast was so low! So, naturally I asked, maybe this is a regional thing? LET'S INVESTIGATE!
Now. I am aware this chart is barely comprehensible and is painful to look at. But I'll point out some interesting things.
First and foremost, there are not that many respondents from Asia and Oceania who made it this far into the form, so take the results from those regions with a grain of salt.
Secondly, I was definitely right that on average, a larger %age American responders seem to think that Hamburgers are a sandwich than European responders (though 80% of Europeans still think hamburgers are sandwiches, so maybe I'm the outlier...). Also, the difference in %age of American vs. European responders who consider toast a sandwich seems quite dramatic! It does seem to indicate that what you consider a sandwich might be regional, no?
THIRDLY. I have created a new variable that I've chosen to call "Sandwich radicalism", which is pretty much how many of the options you consider to be sandwiches (the less conservative you are with what you consider to be a sandwich, the higher your "Sandwich radicalism"). Here is the average "Sandwich radicalism", based on location.
There's too few responders from Asia and Oceania to say anything about them, but comparing Europeans and Americans, it does seem that Europeans are a bit more sandwich-radical, doesn't it? Well I did a 2 sample t-test and the difference was not statistically significant , , , so I have yet to find a use for this new special variable. :(
That's all I had to say about this for now, next up perhaps I'll look into the stats on rock-paper-scissors?
Does anyone want to do my new google form
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Yeah alright real
#My favorite part about being a system is that I literally don’t remember ever listening to some of the songs in my top songs playlist#Like I do remember listening to suicideboys a lot and that part isn’t surprising in general but apparently my top listening month for them#was in January and like. I flat out do not remember January through April#I remember December and May through now but January through April is gone#At this point I was apparently also listening to a ton of the Prodigy which I would not have even vaguely guessed to be in my top 5 artists#this year ?#I expected my genres to land about how they did and I expected the Voidz in my top 5 and in particular the song Alien Crimelord#Most of my songs aren’t even songs I listened to on repeat because I liked them but songs that skewed my results because I got really#obsessed with a 30 second portion of them and wanted to hear The Sounds over and over for stimming purposes#I used to fix this with private session but I didn’t touch it once this year so now there’s a bunch of random semi unexpected shit in my#playlist. Ah the Spotify#The majority I definitely just listening to over and over though like I cannot deny my love of semi cringy tiktok phonk rap. You guys go#got me there. I am a phonk enjoyer. Moondeity IS in my top 5 artists#listened*#Like I honestly expected I Monster to be in my top 5 and I also expected more songs by Air to be in the wrapped playlist but they weren’t at#all#One of my top 5 genres is gothic rock because I listened to a ton of it this year but there are like no songs from that genre in the wrapped#playlist#I somehow listened to Vivien by Crosses more than Pillars by Sunny Day Real Estate but if memory serves (which it admittedly often does Not)#that sounds Wrong???
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Remember Me managed to stick the landing for me.
Was it perfect? Not at all.
But it still did what I expected it too and a little more. Each character felt real and raw, unpolished and alive.
What I expected when I came into this was a bl about a group of friends as they grow each other and how they methods and styles of communication changed as over time. This is what I got, but really it should be labeled a slice of life drama first, a family drama second and a bl third.
Overall I’ll give it a 7/10
The rest of what I have to say is going under the cut as I say a lot.
All five of our boys grew so much from episode one to episode fourteen and I’m glad I got to go along for the ride, even if the middle was a little shaky.
Nan went from being an immature brat to a mature man who is loves his wife and understands that life is going to be different due to her disability but he makes sure that she knows that he’s always going to be by her side if she needs him.
Gun learns to be more open with himself and his feelings, to reach out and go for what he wants and be happy with it. Not speaking up or hiding did him no favours and while he is still learning, he knows that Golf loves him and will always listen if Gun asks. Golf is the type to get so caught up in what he’s doing that he might forget other things and people around him. Both boys needed to grow and learn from their mistakes but in the end they make their relationship work in a way that feels honest to them.
Em learned to slow down, to be supportive and understanding. He matures a lot and while I think he undergoes the least amount of character growth, it doesn’t feel like it’s too his detriment. He was a good person, but was also a stupid kid who needed to learn to stop and look around occasionally. He needed to do a lot of maturing in order to be able to be the man he becomes. He steps up when he needs to and never backs down again.
Champ, my boy, my beloved. His grief is palpable throughout the latter half of the series, permeating everything, even the scenes he isn’t in. I found myself wondering why no one seem to check in with him before I realized that they likely were and he was just insisting that he was fine and that he just wanted to focus on work and not on dating or personal relationships. Him reconciling with his family was the highlight of the last episode for me. I cried when he cried and I laughed when he laughed and cheered for joy when Name’s narration said he is finally looking at the possibility of a romantic relationship because he means that he is has finally come far enough that he feels ready. His ending feels like one of the most earned out of everyones.
Name…how do I describe how I feel about Name. Happiness would probably be the closest thing. He is finally, finally in a good place after having not been in one most of his life. I do wish we had gotten more of an exploration of how his trauma manifested into his disability and how difficult it no doubt was to begin speaking again, especially to people he isn’t comfortable with. We know he is comfortable with Em from the get go, he is able to speak to him without any doubts that Em will judge him or make him feel afraid, even though their relationship was strained at the time. I always come back to one line that Champ says when Name speaks to him on screen for the first time, that it’s the first time Champ’s ever heard him speak. It’s such a throw away line but between that and the fact that this show takes places over such a long period time, shows that it still took a long time for Name to begin speaking to anyone who wasn’t Em, his mother and possibly Em’s mother as well. Even then, we are shown time and time again, just how difficult it is for him to speak to his mother out loud. He knows she loves him, but his trauma is partly caused by her and that’s something the two will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. If there had been more time, I wish we could have seen a backslide, where Name stops speaking as much, but the multiple scenes we get where his voice is shaky and he seems uncomfortable with even the idea of talking still tells an honest and real story. Name’s trauma and his disability didn’t go away overnight and while the show doesn’t go into it too much I also don’t think it ever went away completely. It wouldn’t surprise me if Name has stretches of time where he doesn’t speak out loud to anyone and uses sign language instead.
The romantic relationships in this show are all so different and yet one thing about them remains the same no matter what. It continues with the theme of the show, that communication, in any form, is the most important thing we can do with one another.
Nan has to go through a lot of growth in order to be ready to be with Champoo in a way that is good for them both, and he manages it. It’s not always linear and it’s not always in the way we expect, but it happens. He will have to continue to grow for the rest of his life but I have no doubt that he’ll do it.
Golf and Gun’s relationship is adorable and happens before either of them really has time to processes it and it shows with how difficult of a time they had as they grew older. They learned the all important lesson, to make time for each other and be there when the other needs them. They are each other’s first loves and a good example of how that love can continue for years if allowed to grow and change.
Em and Name’s relationship filled me with doubts that it would turn romantic, which I was okay with, as their relationship is still that of pure love and support for each other. Neither of them are perfect but together the two of them support each other. They are the definition of slow burn friends to lovers and it was worth the watch to see where they ended up.
Was the show perfect, absolutely not. However it still leaves me satisfied with the overall concept and it’s execution. There are definitely things I wish were included and things I wish weren’t (insert obligatory wtf at the wigs here). I came for jafirst, stayed for not only them but for everyone else (especially Champ and Name) as well.
Also as a side note, I kind of liked that the series finale felt like it was in three parts. Like they took the time to at least try and wrap things up with care and consideration. It doesn’t always work and some of it still feels rushed but overall, I liked the feel of it.
#remember me#remember me the series#golfgun#emname#jafirst#remember me spoilers#i have a lot of mixed emotions about this show#it didn’t always do what i wanted or execute everything the best#but it tried and I still enjoyed it#mean honestly surprised me the most#granted I came in after all of the drama with him#but having never watched the yearbook#i wasn’t sure what to expect#and i have to admit i like his style of directing#he clearly cares for what he’s doing and the story he’s trying to tell#and that more than anything is something i loved#though i did and still am going to laugh that he plays the only straight one in the group#hahaha#cap watches remember me#cap writes their thoughts on stuff#cap speaks
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hmpf maybe those tumblr people are really right about what characteristics make a type of person, considering how long it took tumblr to condition took me, a straight/cisgender guy, into being into shipping
#i joined this site/first heard about fandom and got exposed to the subcultures on here like four years or so ago i think#though its a bit hard to remember#but anyway thats bloody ages ffor someone my age#at first#as in for the first 3 years or so#i was like this is just for short term im literally just about to leave#i literally kept believing that for years#and i was and still am only on here cause of being depressed or whatever so it makes sense really#just now i dont really care about leaving even though its still really not my thing#its just like the easy entertainment not having to think its so much less concentration even than watching tv#but it also always felt wrong its really not my thing only now i dont care i supppose cause im old enough and secure enough in my#identity to be able to seperate that from this#wait i suppose if i put it like that after the actual post it sounds a bit weird obviously i dont hate the lgbtq community or snything#i mean if i did i definitely wouldve left#its just in general the subcultures on here arent me#that does include that one but like if youre not lgbtq your just not going to relate to it i suppose#not the stuff thats actually about that or the stuff that i dont see how its related at all#which is what loops back to my post#like is fandom and shipping really so much determined by that or is it personality i dunno#something about being on here ive noticed though is i have come to expect like lgbtq stuff cause of honestly spending more time interacting#with fandom than actual fiction so thats sortif what registers as normal now not that i have an opinion on that affect of fandom#but yeah anyway my post ive only actually genuinly been into any ships over the last like 6 months or so#well maybe a year but its defi itely been gradual#like i dont genuinly believe that its cause im a straight guy that i wasnt into it before#well actually i didnt when i started this post i was joking#but now that i think about it maybe that is it?#like different expectations make me think i should be into different stuff and its taken me this long being exposed to tumblrs norms#cause theyre not the actual norms for me theyre just on here#not that that accounts for whether its something i genuinly like or not though whoch is what i was making fun of in the post#i suppose what you genuinly like is a lot influenced by other people really
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Where relief had sat after the good news, FEAR slowly creped and crawled in, too, as the question was whispered somewhere in the back of his mind, by an unfamiliar voice, WHAT IF THIS WAS ALL JUST A DREAM? Fragments of his own imagination, pieced together as he lay on the hard stone floor somewhere deep underneath the Tower of London – bleeding out – dying. Had enough blood on his shirt, and trousers for it. Dark patched of the once fever-red liquid. The nurse had brought it up, too! He vaguely remembered, now, how she had asked him if he wanted her to see if they had anything they could offer him in replacement, so he could get changed. Had never answered her. Stared into the distance. Waiting. Endlessly hoping.
He looked more awake now; his eyes had focused the moment the nurse had mentioned the magic words. SHE IS AWAKE. Like a light being switched back on again. – Looked at the nurse briefly now too, as if he wanted to say something to her, but he didn’t find the right words and turned his attention back to Kate.
And if he was lying somewhere, bleeding out because he had failed – maybe this wasn’t the worst thing to imagine. Kate, with the colour returning to her face and not as white as the bedsheets. Kate, with a soft expression in her eyes as they met his own. Either way, it just meant he wouldn’t lose her, did it not? While he had given up years ago to imagine what would happen to him after death, at least dying didn’t seem this bad if it meant he didn’t have to live with the loss.
MANAGED ANOTHER SMILE AT HER; a choked chuckle accompanying it, as Kate asked him the question he had already expected. Felt as though they had been here before. They have been. About a year ago, when she had survived another impossible thing. And then she asked him a similar question, too. Boat One. The crew. The rest of the personnel. Only then his answer hadn’t been accompanied by a smile but a tortured expression – not wanting to answer because she deserved a break.
He wouldn’t say it was GOOD NEWS now, but it was easier to answer than the last time. A NOD. The smile still lingering for just a second. “ – the trainees all made it out. I’ll have to arrange with Rebecca and her team that they all get the right support, but we had no casualties on this side.” He didn’t have to mention, that there had been other victims to the attack as Kate had seen them. A few others, too. They would be honoured at the right moment. Wouldn’t be forgotten either.
Stood there for just a moment, until he could feel the nurse’s hand on his arm; giving him a little shove. Now go sit down, the kind eyes seemed to say. OH, he remembered her. The nurse who had given him a vase for the flowers he had brought to the hospital last time he had been here. The same one, who had told him about the aspirin in the water to keep the bouquet fresh for longer. – Odd. The things one could remember.
Still on his feet, he only took a step closer to the bed; not knowing what to do with himself, not to mention his hands, he rested one on the end of Kate’s bed, close to the clipboard with all her information on it. Eyes wandering towards it briefly, before he turned back to Kate and raised his voice again. “ – I spoke to Josh and Vikram… I remember them mentioning it was pure luck that a lot of our scientific staff wasn’t in today…” Not a lie. He remembered it. Not the exact words Josh or Vikram had used, but he remembered the look on their faces. Too many dead already. But they had managed to save so many, too. Even Kate.
Afterwards, it was nothing but a blur, little fleeting moments in time that the more she tried to keep a hold of, the more seemed to slip away. Briefly recalled the ambulance, the flashing lights, the sirens, the shouting and then afterwards, the bright lights of the hospital corridor and the operating theatre. Strange figures in green scrubs with gloves and masks and white caps, all gathered around her like some sort bizarre pantomime. It was the pain that kept rousing her, that searing, blinding hot pain tearing across her shoulder. Fought to keep a hold of that pain, even though she cursed it, hated it, wanted it to be over and done with.
Too stubborn to go quietly...even if there was a voice calling out to her from far away. Somewhere over there, where that bright light was coming from. A voice she hadn't heard for some time now. Katherine....what the devil are you doing here? Gone before she could even really process any of that. Felt like she was falling. No, not falling? Was she?
Woke to the sound of the monitor quietly beeping, squinting up at a pale green ceiling. Could feel soft sheets beneath her and a hard hospital mattress and not another soul in the room save for an older woman with kind eyes that she didn't recognise. Hit her then like a speeding train. UNIT, the tower. The invasion. The alien militia. Had they all made it out? Had they managed to reclaim HQ?
Panicked now, she tried to sit up... but her limbs felt heavy, sluggish to respond.... Felt groggy. At least the pain had dulled, the wound sutured and patched. She could feel the drip in her left arm. That probably had something to do with it. Briefly, Kate felt a strange sense of deja vu. Had she woken up before this? Remembered the surgeon talking to her.
The nurse was quick on the uptake. "No, no! don't even try it! I told them, I said it! I said, I've seen this one before. A real fighter. Never listens, thinks she knows better than the rest of us. There now. Let's get you sitting up before you hurt yourself..." Tried to protest, half offended, half mystified, gawping at the nurse like a goldfish in it's pond and trying to follow what she was saying, ❝ S-sorry, wha-? ❞
But the nurse did not answer, shuffling over to the bed to take the hand remote off it's holder, one hand gently supporting her to sit upright, the other adjusting the bed. The older woman beamed, evidently proud of her work. She dropped the remote back into it's cradle, waggling a finger at Kate, "Now you stay put, I'll just go tell him you're awake..." She paused at the door, tutting, "You gave him a fright love. Got to stop landing yourself in hospital I think, or we'll have to put him up in a bed next yours!" Kate stared after her, completely bewildered for a moment or two. Briefly, she wondered whether she had in fact woken at all.
It was only when the nurse reappeared, bringing with her a familiar face to soothe at least, some of the anxiety, that the words started to fall into place. God....That nurse. It was the same woman from a year ago, when she'd landed herself here after Boat One had gone down... which meant...
Oh. Those large brown eyes softened as she met his, realising just what the woman was talking about, ❝ Ed... ❞ Kate swallowed thickly, words quite failing her in the moment. A hundred and one things running through her mind, unable to pluck a single thread out of them and unravel it into a coherent thought. Could only focus on something she could make sense of right now. And that was work. ❝ ...the tower, are they.... did everyone make it out? ❞
#[edward; verse three] ᴏʜ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴀsᴋ ʜᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘ��ɪᴄᴇ ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɴᴏ ғᴏᴏʟ [re unit ed]#injury tw#unitlead#death mention tw
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Getting a call while Suguru’s balls deep inside you sounds so interesting, lowkey.
"Fuck, you feel so good," Your fiancé would coo into your ear, cock dipping in and out of your sopping cunt languidly as his hot breath hit the crown of your ear.
It would all be so intimate. The way Geto has you beneath him, holding your shaky legs open for himself as his heavy balls smacked against you every time he thrusted his fat cock into you. His hips were moving slow but his dick was splitting you open.
"Sugu," You'd gasp, nails scratching at his toned back as you panted out a heavy breath of air, "Fuck-, mmh..."
"Can't get enough of this pussy, mmgh. Listen t'her talk t'me," He whispers to you, the messy slick of your cunt wetting up his shaft as he drew his hips back hitting both of your ears, "Y’like that, baby? Like bein’ stuffed like this, hm?” Geto questions.
Though, his words weren’t directed to you.
He often did that during sex— talked to your cunt, referring to it as she and baby just like how he talks to you. And it gets even worse whenever he’s giving you head.
Currently though, as Geto talks you, and your pussy, through his steady strokes, you moan his name up until your phone begins to ring.
The sound of your loud ass ring tone makes your lover groan, leaning up away from you just to catch sight of who the hell was calling you. To his surprise, none other than his best friend’s contact name was beaming across your phone screen.
“Hahh,” Geto cracks a half smile, “The fuck is Satoru callin’ you for?” He asks, sounding annoyed despite the amusement etched onto his features.
The curve of his cock sinks deeper into you as he reaches for your cell phone and you scratch at his chest, too fucked out to render what the hell he was talking about. All you wanted was his body pressed up against yours again.
“S-Suguu, shit-, ignore it, please.” You huff out demandingly, earning nothing more than a mere glance from your fiancé as he peers down at you from the corner of his eye.
Swiping your phone up, “Why’s he calling?”
“I don’t know,” You pout, extending a hand to his neck and trying to pull him back down to you. Your attempt almost works as Geto is tugged a bit closer to you, his hips still and his eyes back on your phone buzzing in his palm.
Cocking his head to the side, he smirks, “Find out then,” Suguru says to you.
You’re confused for only a second before an explanation is given through him answering the call and pressing it to your ear. Your eyes go wide as you realize he wants you to talk to Satoru while he’s balls deep inside you.
Gulping, “Sugu-“
“Hello?” You get cut off by the connection of the phone call and the sound of Gojo’s voice in your ear.
Your fiancé smiles down at you and whispers, “Go on, talk to him, baby. Promise I won’t move,” He hums all too sweetly.
It was definitely suspicious coming from him. You’ve been down the road more times than you can count— Geto promising not to fuck you while you talk to someone but ultimately doing so anyway.
With pleading eyes, you nod, hoping he’ll keep his promise this time around. “Hi Satoru,” You say into the phone, watching your fiancé mock you through his facial expressions.
“Heyyy, how are youuu?” Gojo purrs over the phone, his tone letting you know he definitely called to ask you for something.
You take a deep breath, “M’fine, can I ask why you called?”
“Straight to the point I see,” Gojo says with that smug voice of his.
Rolling your eyes, you release a sigh, "Yeah, I guess so. I'm kinda busy right now so uh, make it quick." Your tone was a lot more put together than you expected of yourself, especially with Geto's thick inches stuffed into the hilt of your cunt.
And for a while he doesn't move, he just sit there, marinating in the warmth of your cunt and listening in on your conversation.
“Well, then," Gojo starts, his voice suddenly enthusiastic, "Remember when I came over last week?"
Geto starts to lean up again and you send him skeptical eyes, to which he flashes another innocent smile at you. Then you sigh, "Yes, why?"
"Did I uh, leave my jacket there?" The male over the phone asks.
You blink, "You could've texted me this question y'know," The end of your sentence comes off all too breathy as a thumb suddenly swats over your clit, your free hand moving down to Geto's finger and trying to swat him away.
He just smirks at you though and presses the pad of his thumb into you, watching the way your back arches a bit and your lips part.
"Yes, I could've texted you this questions buuuut, you always ignore me," Gojo argues.
You bite your lip for a moment as Geto draws small circles around your clit-- you knew he was going to do this and yet you still weren't prepared for it. "I do not," You breathe out.
On the other side of the phone, Gojo tilts his head and his borws furrow, "You alright over there? Y'sound out of breath."
"M'fine, Satoru. And n-no, I haven't seen your jacket," You stammer as Geto starts drawing his hips back his eyes locked down on your cunt and how lewdly it's spread open for his cock, smirking before he spits down on it.
"Right... Well can you ask Suguru then?" Gojo continues, "I really need it for-"
"Can I just call you back?" You say all in one breath, trying your best to keep your composure as Geto eases himself back into you, fucking you so very slowly that it's both tortuous and stimulating at the same time.
The full stretch of Geto's thick girth way driving you insane, the way he'd ease back and then push forward, thumbing your clit simultaneously as his salvia smeared and mixed with the mess you've already made of him from earlier.
"Please?" You suddenly whine, not sure if it was really directed toward Gojo or Geto as you said it.
That's when Gojo pauses, his hears practically perking up at the tone of your voice, "Hey... No need to beg me to get off the phone, y'know," He hums, his voice suddenly... lower? "I would've hung up without the please but I dunno, you sound busier than I expected."
Your brows furrow at his sudden resistance toward ending the call, "Meaning?" You question, eyes focused on your fiance's face which was twisted up and he groaned quietly due to the sudden squeeze of your cunt.
There's a slight scoff over the phone, "Oh nothing, just uh-, well, am I interrupting something?"
Your lashes bat in disbelief of Gojo and Geto's losing his mind at how much your pussy's throbbing around his cock. Was that his doing or his best friend's doing? What exactly was Satoru saying to you over the phone and why were you squirming so much?
Geto tears his eyes away from where the two of you are connected and he looks at your face, spotting that you're basically just as confused as he is. Tipping his head to the side, he locks eyes with you and decides that that's the perfect time to thrust every inch of himself back into you.
The way your jaw drops, a moan pouring out so clearly and obscenely-- it makes Geto smile, nearly forgetting that Gojo probably heard that...
Probably would be an understatement too because Gojo's on his end of the call with his face flushed and his eyes widened, "Did you just moan?" He questions.
And as he does so, Geto decides not to hold back anymore, working up that brutal pace of his thrust by thrust as you slap a hand over your mouth and moan into your palm.
Barely even able to utter a response to Gojo, "N-No," You gasp, "I just-, mmh. Fuck, can I please call you back?"
Gojo blinks. Then he swallows, thickly, "Where's Suguru?"
Your mouth opens to respond but the phone is suddenly taken from you. Geto places one hand to your lower abdomen and pushes down slightly on the imprint in your skin where his cock is, his hips smacking into you roughly as you body jerked and you spasm.
Then you hear Geto speaking and realize he's taken the phone, "Busy fuckin' her to tears, call you back later 'Toru," He hums out simply.
Gojo coughs and then he laughs, "Hey wait," He stalls without second thought.
Your fiance tilts his head into the phone and his hips grow a bit harsher with you, the pressure of his hand on your lower abdomen making his swollen cock hit deeper and deeper. Then there was that mean curve of his, beating into where you were sensitive and making you whimper.
"Hm?" Geto hums in response, sounding almost annoyed.
"Y'Mind if I stay on the phone and listen?"
(pt. 2)
#geto smut#geto suguru x reader#geto x reader#geto suguru#jjk geto#jujutsu geto#getou suguru x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#jjk suguru#sugusato#jujutsu kaisen suguru#suguru geto smut#suguru x you#jujutsu suguru#getou suguru x y/n#suguru#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#anime smut#jjk x reader smut#jjk x you smut
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thinking abt The Memory Issues again. sad!
#marin complains#thinkin abt how hard it is to explain that my brain just throws out basically all my good memories#thinkin abt how no apologies will ever be enough for how awful of a friend i am because of that#thinkin abt how people automatically assume they must not be important enough if i forgot something#but it's not that at all!! if i've forgotten a lot about you you're probably MORE important to me than the average person#but nobody gets it!! because that's a strange and awful thing to do#and i wish it wasn't like this. but it is.#anyways this post is brought to you by me Knowing I'm Forgetting Something. but i don't know what#im like 80% sure it pertains to a friend in some way but i don't even know which one#i am such a terrible friend UGHHHHH can't remember anything#it's not at all because my friends aren't important enough. my friends are sososo important to me. but my brain only remembers bad things#the most important person in my life is my sister who i've spent my whole life with and i remember very little about her#because i've spent my whole life watching and protecting and on edge#and when you're constantly in fight or flight mode you don't have time to save the good memories#you have to stay vigilant. you have to memorize everything about the person who poses a threat#and so i did but it came at a cost#anyways. yea. friends if you're reading this i am so so so so so sorry god i'm so sorry i wish i could remember i really do#i try my hardesy i write things down when i'm able even though the risk is immense because of my mother#but it's just not enough it's never enough#i'm sorry i'm so sorry i don't expect you to ever forgive me but i hope you can find it in you somewhere
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not to be a hater but i'm not excited
#yes this is about da4#thinking about it once again cause it's my whole entire dash now#i am glad for any of yall that are happy though#i'm just... exhausted#and really hoping the graphics are better than... that...#but it's cool if not; i do have a lot to do in bg3 and i am happy to just play that a mil times instead lol#it's just disappointing if that's the look they're going for imo#i'm also just... not looking forward to seeing more discourse about elves and templars and mages and fantasy racism etc#DA loves to go all in with that and now that i'm old(TM) it just makes me feel like ben affleck smoking#a big part of me is sitting here like... let it die!! let's just move on it'll never be the same or live up to our expectations#i don't even want to see any references to anyone we came to love in the 1st 3 games#unless i get to specify what I did in my saves or transfer saves which lol not gonna happen#also it's been so long i barely remember what half of the companions were like at this point#outside of a few that made a huge impression on me
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𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝
Spencer calls you drunk and in need of rescue. You confess a few secrets to him while he won’t remember them (or so you think). 3k, fem
cw drunk!spencer, mentioned past drug use, confident/bombshell!reader, flirting, spencer getting some well deserved comfort, a handful of his drunken compliments, insecurity, intense mutual pining
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
You’re blissfully sleeping in the arms of a REM cycle when your phone rings. It pulls you by the chest, a punch of shock and expectancy at once. It’ll be someone calling you into work, Hotch himself if you’re lucky.
You search blindly for your phone. If you’re even luckier, it’ll be a wrong number. Your fingers curl around the little body of your phone and you bring it to your ear without checking the number, frazzled. “Hello?” you ask hoarsely.
Total quiet.
“Hello?” You pull the screen away. The caller reads: SPENCER. You pull it back rather than hang up. “Hey, Spencer. Are you there?”
“Hello.” He laughs. “Hello, are you there?”
“I’m here, Spencer, where are you?”
“That’s an interesting question, actually, and I’m sure there’s a great answer, but…”
“But what?” You sit up quickly, your throat aching with sleep. Your room is black as coal pitch. “Spencer, what time is it, my love?”
“You shouldn’t call me stuff like that.”
“Stop being weird and tell me where you are.”
He laughs like a hyena. You can see it in your mind, his smile and all his pearly perfect teeth. You love it when he smiles like that and he rarely ever does. “I’m somewhere and I need your help getting home!” he says with another funny laugh.
“Are you alright? You sound…” He sounds inebriated.
Spencer struggled with his drug problem for so long before you found out. You just hadn’t been around enough, and when you were he’d gotten good at hiding it. You can still remember how furious you’d been with everyone, including him, because you could’ve helped, would’ve done anything to support him through it. If he’s hurting now and hasn’t told you, you love him, but you’ll be insanely angry.
“Spencer?” you ask quietly.
“I went for drinks with a girl but she didn’t like me and I may have drowned my sorrows too much,” he admits. “Um. Did you know gin is very strong?”
“Aw, baby. You’re cheating on me?”
“I’m afraid so,” he says, and hiccups.
“Where are you?”
After some hassle wherein you persuade Spencer to give the phone to someone else in the bar for a slightly less drunk interrogation, you dress and gather your bearings for the drive. You zip a hoodie up over your pyjamas, stuff your feet into some old converse, and set out into the dark to find him.
He calls you again as you’re parking. “Hello,” he says as soon as you answered. “I need you to come and get me.”
Spencer called you twice to save him. Even if he doesn’t remember, he’s called you to come and get him when he knows he needs help, and that realisation is hard to ignore. “Spencer, I’m two minutes away, I’m parking. You’re still where you were?”
“Where was I?”
“At the bar, sweetheart. Are you still there?” It’s scarily dark out and you didn’t grab any sort of defensive measure before you came, which you regret now, climbing out of your car to walk the dimly lit road. The bar glows like a beacon to be followed.
“Still where?”
“Did you hit your head?”
“Not to my knowledge. Though I’m not sure I have much right now. I feel like I’m forgetting everything I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot. You know I can read about eighty average length novels in one hour on an e-reader? The buttons make it faster.”
“You haven’t told me that before.” You shiver against the nighttime winds, footsteps heavy on the grey sidewalk.
“I’m trying to be more conversational. Emily says it’s not working.”
“You’re conversational. Isn’t the only condition of being conversational to prompt a conversation? We’re always talking.”
“…What?”
You laugh like crazy. “Spencer, you don’t need to change the way you talk.”
“I annoy people.”
“You don’t annoy me.”
You approach the door of the bar, a ramshackle sheet of plywood over what looks to be a glass door. The bar building seems in similar dessaray, with modern features wrecked by scratches and smashed panes. It’s a real dive. Spencer couldn’t have meant to come here.
You war with both hands to open the door and find yourself faced with a long and empty corridor leading to another door. Worried you’re going to get kidnapped, you bring the phone back to your ear, Spencer’s chatting an immediate greeting. “…telling me I’m doing something wrong without telling me what it is, it’s impossible.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, can you come to the door?”
“I don’t think I have control of my legs,” he says without inflection.
“It’s definitely the building with the smashed door?”
“Yesssss. Are you here?” he asks excitedly.
“I better not get murdered, Spencer Reid.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“How are you even keeping the phone to your ear right now?”
“I’m on speaker phone. Milly showed me how to do it. Say hi, Milly.”
“Hi Milly,” a new voice says.
You rub your eyes with one hand and square your shoulders, prepared to defend yourself if the creepy door leads to a creepier room.
Spencer is immediately visible from the get go. You open the door on to a rather cosy looking bar, which you’re thinking might be the whole point; wretched exterior, secret attraction. Warm orange light ebbs into the space from sconces and a faux fireplace, while a wrestling match playing from the small TV behind the bar casts brighter light down onto Spencer’s shoulders. He looks out of place, dressed in a white oxford shirt and a suit jacket, his tie loosened and hanging from either side of his neck, compared to the lingering patrons who sit dotted around the room in booths and on barstools. One such patron sits in a plaid shirt and a trucker hat, her hair to her back, thick and dark.
You hang up the call and put your phone in your pocket. Spencer gasps like he’s been smacked and picks his own phone up from the bar, clicking at buttons with clumsy fingers. “No,” he hums sadly.
“Spencer,” you say, not wanting to disturb the people spending their sorry-looking night here. “Spencer. Hey, Spence!”
His phone tips between his fingers. The woman you assume to be Milly catches it and offers it back without looking too far from her beer.
“Hey,” you say gently, crossing a wide empty space to meet him. The room itself is shaped like a horseshoe, the bar taking up a surprising amount in the centre, and booths and tables placed around it. Spencer’s off of his barstool as you approach, eyes like puppy dog’s, arms extended. “You okay?” you ask.
You can feel eyes on you both from every angle, but it doesn’t matter, not when Spencer’s falling into your arms (or on to them —he’s surprisingly tall when you aren’t wearing heels). “You alright?” you ask again.
“You don’t have to be worried, I’m fine.”
He’s less coordinated in real life than he’d sounded over the phone, his slurring unmissable, his hands like jumping fish as he tries to hug you. It’s weird and straining to take his weight but you do it without complaint. He smells the same, at least, only his cedary cologne is sharpened by the tang of gin on his breath.
“Thank god you’re here,” he whispers.
“Why?” you ask, pulling away to check for danger.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too, handsome,” you say, genuine but laying it on thick simultaneously as you ease his head back to cup his cheek. You can’t help yourself. He’s the prettiest man you’ve ever met, and it gets worse every year.
He frowns at you deeply. “I don’t like first dates.”
“Then don’t go on them,” you suggest, “you don’t need to until you’re ready.”
“I’m ready for love,” he says. You pull your lips into a flattened line, unsure of what to say, how to explain that it’s waiting for him, but his chin dips towards his neck and his eyes lock onto your face. “You’re not wearing makeup. God, you’re so pretty.”
You flinch away from him. “Fuck, Spencer.”
“I’m sorry! It’s not that you don’t look pretty with makeup, but I never see you without it!”
You’d forgotten you weren’t wearing any. Makeup isn’t a shield, exactly, but you like putting your best foot forward, so to speak. You’ve no clue what you look like tonight, hadn’t managed to look in the mirror, you’d been focused on getting to Spencer before he got lost. You can imagine the puffiness.
Spencer touches your cheek. You let him turn you mostly because he’s surprised you, his eyes roving up and down your face with a fawning curiosity.
“You’re beautiful. You know that already, but people don’t tell you enough,” he says, his hand falling from your cheek.
“Spencer,” you say softly, “let’s get you home.”
You thank Milly for her help and grab Spencer’s bag from the floor to hang on your shoulder. You’d make a joke about how heavy it was if you didn’t think he’d take it from you, and, considering how drunk he is, topple over from the imbalance it provides. His shirt is clammy where you push your hand through his arm to link them, his footsteps wobbly.
“I didn’t want to go on a date,” he says.
“Then why did you go?” you ask, helping him over the door jam into the long hallway.
“I don’t want to be alone forever.”
“Spencer, you won’t be.” It doesn’t feel like the best time to bring up how much you like him. You’re sure he thinks you’re kidding, doesn’t everybody? Don’t torture him, they say. Don’t toy with him. Every time you flirt with him the team acts like you can’t mean it, and for a while it worked for you; you weren’t in love with Spencer. You weren’t playing with his feelings, but you didn’t love him, and then you joined the team and got to know him, watched him fluster at every comment you made or under any soft looking and realised you could love him. It was easy to fall for him. You liked doing it. But now he’s determined to write your affection off as a joke and going on dates?
In the morning, when he’s sober, you’ll have to tell him how you feel. Or you could let him find someone more like him… ugh. It’s such a mess.
You grapple with the size of your feelings for him as he hums and laughs his way down the hall to the glass door. On the street, he squints and straightens his back, fighting to regain his arm from your hold to cover your shoulder instead. “It’s cold,” he says in surprise. “You okay?”
“I’m fine, I got my jacket. It’s a short walk, come on.”
His arm stops acting as protection and starts to use you for support. “I didn’t mean to drink so much.”
“Drowning your sorrows is always a terrible idea because it tends to work,” you lament, less scared of the dark with him at your hip, though what protection he might offer is negated by the alcohol.
“She kind of looked like you.”
You squeeze your eyes together quickly. “Oh.”
“I didn’t know she was going to. But she didn’t– she didn’t– it’s hard to talk. She didn’t listen like you do,” he says, lightly slurring, “she just stared at me like everyone used to in high school. Like she could tell there’s something wrong with me.”
“Spencer, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I know,” he says.
“Do you?”
“Yes.” He frowns. “No, I don’t know. I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with me,” —his voice turns to a nearly indistinguishable mumble— “but everyone else always does.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.”
“Is that why you make all your jokes?”
“What jokes, babe?”
“Like that! Like babe. It’s funny ‘cos you’d never date me.”
You’d slow if he weren’t already walking at a snail's pace. “That’s not true. Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?”
“I won’t remember to ask you in the morning.”
“Spencer, you remember everything.”
He drags his feet. “I wish I wasn’t so weird,” he whines. It’s playful at the forefront but desperate otherwise, and it gives you pause. “I wish I was normal, and you could like me normal.”
You look down at your hands, panicking, a flash of Is this a good idea? like an alarm in your head as you turn on the sidewalk to face him. He’s looking at you like he’s begging you to disagree with him.
You’re happy to.
“Spencer, I like you like this,” you insist loudly. His eyes and all his sweet lashes track the movement of your hand as you touch your chest, and your neck. “You’re not normal, I’m not normal. Do you know how many times I’ve been rejected? Just for being me? I’m too bossy, too outspoken, too– too high maintenance. I've had friends with good intentions tell me I need to lower my standards, need to relax, because otherwise I’m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I feel alone all the time.”
“But you’re perfect,” he says, puzzled.
“To you. And you’re perfect to me.” Your hand crawls to the base of your throat. “So don’t say you’re weird like it’s ugly, honey. And don’t think I don’t like you, ‘cos I do. You think I’d come and get anybody else in the middle of the night dressed like this?” you ask him, gesturing to your ratty pyjamas and your dingy converse.
“You look so cute,” he says mournfully.
You roll your eyes. He’s too wasted for this conversation. “Come on, sweetheart. You can think about this too much in the morning. Let’s just get home in one piece.” Physically and emotionally.
“Can I come home with you?” he asks.
That had always been the plan. “Ask me nicely and I’ll consider it on the way.”
— —
Spencer shuts his eyes, hands itching to clap over his ears as you scratch the head of a spatula across your frying pan. “Is three eggs too many? People usually have two but that’s never enough for me.”
“I think…” Oh my god the metal screeching is so loud. “You should have as many as you want. You know your body. There’s this study on intuitive eating…” I'm too hungover for this. “Three eggs is better than two.”
“So you want three?”
He cannot eat right now. “Yes. Please.”
Spencer’s half sick with dehydration and half grief. He stayed at your house last night and he was too drunk to be nosy. He slept in your bed. He slept in your bed. He woke up to you at your vanity doing your hair, the nutty smell of hair oil mixed with the heat of the hair tool on high and realised with a start that he’d missed something he thought about all the time.
You’d tipped your head back to smile at him. “There’s my boy. Sweet dreams?”
He didn’t dream, but if he had, it would’ve been another agonising wish where you were his girlfriend, or his wife, or just there looking at him with love. He wakes up feeling sick because it isn’t true. And now you’re making him breakfast, humming a tune under your breath, sourdough sizzling under the grill and a shoddily blended avocado sitting in the bowl in front of him.
You asked him for one thing. He picks up the fork and starts to mash the avocado again. He can’t fight the foreignness of sitting in your kitchen, a gap in his memory.
He knows he told you about his date, how she looked like you, how she didn’t seem to like him much, but he’s struggling to collect the finer details. Why had you picked him up? He must’ve called you, but you could’ve said no. He remembers thinking you looked beautiful, but he always thinks that.
The avocado is making him feel sick.
“Here,” you say, sliding a plate of toast in front of him. “Do you want butter?”
“I think I'm gonna throw up.”
“You’re okay.”
“I can’t believe how I acted,” he says, pressing his palms to the hollows of his eyes.
You turn off the hob. Fat bubbles and pops until it’s cooled. The clock on the wall by the refrigerator ticks incessantly. His slept-in shirt feels too tight despite the undone button.
“Hey…” You round the island but don’t touch him, your voice gentle. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He drags his hands down his face. “I can barely remember what I said.”
“You were really nice to me… told me I looked pretty without my makeup, n’ that I was perfect. You were really nice.”
Your tone is off. No flirtatiousness, no endless confidence, you sound wistful, like you’re glad he said it. You take the bowl of avocado he’s made a mess with and put it aside with the toast, resting your arm on the counter, and leaning into his space. “Spencer, last night? You didn’t do anything to be embarrassed of. You were nice, and kind. You tried to open the car door for me and you almost lost your eye, but you were fine. You don’t have anything to be worried about, really.”
“But it’s you.”
“Gonna touch your hair,” you say, giving him enough time to move away as you reach out and rake back his fringe. His heart leaps into his mouth. “You said something last night like that, you know? Do you remember that? You said if you were normal.” You grace the skin beside his eye with the tip of your thumb, your perfume floating his way as you move. “And I said–”
“I’m not normal,” he says, remembering now.
You’re not normal, I’m not normal, you’d said.
But you’re perfect, he’d said.
To you. And you’re perfect to me.
“Right. We’re not normal, Spencer Reid, so forget that girl. She didn’t deserve you anyways,” you say.
You draw a short, silken line down his cheek with the side of your pinky. To be touched so lightly has his stomach in knots —he’s not shocked by the swiftness with which your affection can make a bad situation good again.
You turn away. “Now we should eat before everything goes cold.”
He watches your shoulders move, and he remembers one last detail. So don’t say you’re weird like it’s ugly, honey. And don’t think I don’t like you, ‘cos I do.
The way you’d said it… you couldn’t really mean…
“How’s your appetite? Still feeling sick?” you ask.
Spencer smiles to himself, the ghost of your touch glowing warm on his cheek. “I’m feeling a lot better, actually.”
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
thank you for reading!!! please like/reblog or comment if you enjoyed, i appreciate anything and it always inspires me to write more<3!! my requests are pretty much always open for bombshell!reader (even though this one strays a bit from their usual story haha) so if you wanna see more let me know❤️
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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What would be Stan’s brothers reaction when after Y/n helped them with stuff and they said “Well, what are you waiting for? Kiss on the cheek?” Or “what else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?” And reader fastly respond ‘Yes please’ without hesitation 🤑
Ford:
‘What are you waiting for? A kiss on the cheek?’ Ford said when he noticed that you were lingering nearby.
‘Yes please.’ You replied almost instantaneously.
The poor man was now blushing to the tips of his ears as his eyes grew wide. This wasn’t a response he was expecting and therefore not properly prepared to answer accordingly.
He didn’t expect you to eagerly agree even in the slightest and now he was racked with nerves, while his mind overworked on whether or not you were joking with him. Ford has never been in the situation before where someone shown active interest in him, so needless to say this man was imploding on himself over shat could only be a theoretical.
He hated vagueness and ambiguity, they were his biggest personal pet peeves. he much preferred things to be upfront and direct for he tended to look for deeper meaning in things they didn’t need to be looked at so intently or up close.
‘I- well if it’s okay with you.’ Ford says, finding the collar of his turtleneck a little tight and finding it hard to swallow the lump in his throat.
‘It’s more than okay.’ You said with a smile.
Ford had to steel his nerves that were running rampant within him as though he was still that teenage boy, he mustered the strength he needed to press a sweet, almost featherlight kiss to your cheek that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach.
Stanley:
‘What are you waiting for? A kiss on the cheek?’ He asked.
‘Yes please.’ You said without hesitation.
Stanley, while taken aback but your straightforwardness, smirked in response as he leant closer to you.
‘Oh do you now?’ He says playfully with a raised brow, trying his hardest not to show just show affected he was by your words as he felt his heart in his throat.
‘I wouldn’t have said otherwise.’ You replied with a smile, taking a step towards him as he internally congratulated himself for not loosing his touch. (or so he liked to claim when in reality it’s you who holds the more power in this situation.)
Stan only said what he said because it was something his father said time and time again to him after he did something that he thought would finally make his father look at him. Only for that to not be the case as his father easily dismissed his efforts and managed to degrade him with a single sarcastic comment that felt like a dagger to the heart.
Here when he said it, you made it sound a lot sweeter when you gladly accepted the prospect of him kissing your cheek, almost as though it was the only thing that would make your entire day. You were far too sweet for Stan but you attract more with honey than vinegar or so they say and needless to say you had this man hook line and sinker with how sweet you were.
‘Okay honey just remembered you’re the one who asked for this.’ Stan said as he pressed a kiss to your cheek that made you want more in the future.
#gravity falls x you#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls imagine#gravity falls imagines#gravity falls#stanford pines x you#stanford pines imagines#stanford pines imagine#stanford pines x reader#ford pines x you#ford pines imagines#ford pines imagine#ford pines x reader#stanley pines imagines#stanley pines imagine#stan pines imagines#stan pines imagine#stanley pines x reader#stan pines x reader
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WIBTA for going to my high school reunion even though the two witches I stripped of magic are going?
(Read for free on Patreon (X))
I (28 witch) was in a coven during high school. Not really even a coven. We weren’t recognized and there wasn’t a clear division of responsibilities. We did have a high priestess but she hadn’t Declared or been Initiated or whatever she believed. Looking back, her learning was all over the place (and a little problematic, honestly. I remember her calling a poppet a Voodoo doll before being called out by another member). Let’s call her Sarah.
Sarah was a year older than the rest of us (still the same grade though) and her mom was a witch so that made her the high priestess. She was the one who would organize all of our rituals and held the power of veto over any proposed spells. While you think that’d mean she’d provide the ingredients, she never did. She did tell us what to buy and, let me tell you, some of those things were expensive for a high schooler. We met in the park behind her house, and she demanded that at least one of us be in every one of her classes. If we weren’t, we’d be “cycled” out of the coven until our parents convinced the school to transfer us in.
Any alt kid knows what I’m talking about because they had a Sarah in their life. If she was angry, we had to be angry (and a little afraid of her). If she was sad, we were expected to ask why. If she was happy, we had to be even more happy. You get the picture.
The problem came when Sarah added Jess (fake name) to the Coven during the start of our junior year. It was the first time Sarah allowed someone else from a witch family to join. Jess was a transfer student from England. She told us all that that made her magic deeper and more powerful because she was a “daughter of the witches you could not burn.” When I pointed out that that statement is historically inaccurate, Jess called me a “pilgrim.” She tried to convince Sarah to blind me (take away my decision-making power in the coven), but I was the only one with reliable access to dried herbs (my mom’s a botanist and didn’t count her stores like Sarah’s mom did), so Sarah said no.
Jess’ dislike of me got worse when I actually did dress like a pilgrim for Halloween that year. And, if I’m honest, I did take it a little far. I was a hot-headed kid. I followed her around the entire day and had kids sign one of two petitions – “Burn” or “Not Burn.” When the Burn Petition won, I could tell I went too far (there were a LOT of signatures). I tried to make it a joke and told her that now she really was a witch we couldn’t burn.
Jess and I got in our first physical fight. Sarah eventually broke it up, but not before Jess ripped out a good chunk of my hair, and I broke the tiger’s eye bracelet she wore.
I later heard from another coven member that Jess tried to lay a curse on me that night. Unfortunately for her, I was pretty interested in defensive work and had a fresh witch’s jar buried under my window. Her curse got caught in it and rebounded. Apparently, that’s how Jess got pink eye, not from her younger sister.
We fought like cats and dogs. Any time Jess would talk about England, I’d make fun of her accent. When I brought up what spell I’d like to do, Jess would call me a juvenile pilgrim. Eventually, Jess got smart. She’d text me insults rather than say them to my face so that she’d have a chance to tattle to Sarah before I got the chance to hit back.
Sarah pulled me aside at least three times to “address” the fights. She basically said that I needed to respect Jess more because she came from a witch family, like her. She told me I could learn a lot from Jess if I stopped acting like a human. When I pointed out that we are humans, just humans who have elected to use magic, she got really mad.
And when Sarah got mad, she could make life really difficult.
My spell for luck on midterms got passed over for Jess’ jinx on our English teacher. The jinx worked and Ms. Edel tripped, but guess who still came to class with a broken leg? MS. EDEL. Guess who failed their midterm?
ALL SEVEN OF US.
Damn, I can’t believe I’m still upset by this petty high school drama. Therapy did not work.
So safe to say that Jess and I never became friends. I love magic now and loved it then, but she took it so seriously. I’ve always believed magic should be fun. All the spells she brought to the coven required a spirit element—blood, hair, sacrifice. One of the members was a strict green witch and had to drop out because of it. We missed two full moons until Sarah approved Eileen to rejoin after she woke up from her coma.
(And before anyone freaks out about the coma – we all ended up in comas here and there. We were a bunch of uneducated and untrained baby witches who all had different belief systems. The fact that there wasn’t anything worse than a coma is a miracle. She wasn’t traumatized by it any more than I was by mine.)
Jess and I mostly avoided each other for the rest of the year. We always voted against the other’s spell and I’m fairly certain she tried to trip jinx me in the hall as often as I tried to trip jinx her. Sarah never tried to diffuse the tension between us. She confided in Eileen that she was grateful we kept each other in check.
Things could have continued on that way until we all moved away for college (or repeated the year after failing all those midterms) if it weren’t for the vernal equinox. Or, as we inaccurately called it, the Spring Solstice.
The way it worked was that we all got to propose a ritual during equinoxes. They’re powerful magical events on their own and when you bring intent to the party? They were always our biggest, most successful workings.
Sarah always chose what we did on those days. She pretended like we got to vote, but we all knew she would never choose one of our rituals. My freshman year, she made us all do one for beauty. Because it was a “make real what is in the eye of the beholder” type, some of our transformations were a little…traumatizing. I’m only telling you this so you understand the power an equinox has, okay? I do not think this way anymore. Other members were just as extreme. Eileen went from a Wendy from Wendy’s to a Jessica Rabbit. And I…
Well.
I grew rabbit ears and teeth. That doesn’t make me a furry! Who Framed Roger Rabbit? was super influential on BOTH Eileen and me. I was a kid and didn’t understand my own concept of beauty. It took almost three months before I got the ears to go away entirely.
Suffice it to say, we were all excited and nervous for what ritual Sarah would pick, which is why it was a blow to find out that she had picked a ritual - Jess’ ritual.
A ritual for power.
I didn’t want to do it from day one, okay? My belief is that whatever magic comes to you naturally is what’s okay to take. I think if you rip magic up from the earth or the abyss, it’ll change you. Maybe even corrupt you or change your personality.
But I was a kid and didn’t know how to explain that. Jess and Sarah were both from witch families and they seemed to think it was okay. Even though I didn’t like Jess, I did see her as a more “authentic” witch because of that. I know better now, but as a kid seeing all of her grimoires, I gave her false authority.
Jess explained the ritual to us over the next month. She talked about how we were going to be “tested.” The ritual would pull our spiritual selves from our bodies, and depending on how long we chanted, we’d return to them with more or less magic than when we started. She said that everyone in her family did it when they turned 18.
It wasn’t until three days before the equinox that she told us what would happen if one of us were to be judged unworthy.
“Mostly nothing,” she said. I remember her exact words, how her black hair spun as she soared through the air on the swings. We stood in a half circle before her and Sarah as they swung higher and higher. An audience to their aerial court. She said, “Sometimes people lose some of their magic. When the ritual decides they don’t deserve it.”
Eileen asked, “When the ritual decides? It’s sentient?”
“There’s an overseer we’ll call on,” Sarah said. She’d been the only one allowed to read Jess’ grimoire. Her lip curled and she leaned forward so she could look down over Eileen like an avenging angel as she swung overhead. “An impartial entity.”
“I am not a deity witch,” I said. I had long ago committed that I would never call on a higher being in any ritual. Most of our spells had to be modified for me so that I could swear to the cardinal directions rather than to the Morrigan or Hecate. “You know that.”
“You’re not swearing to anyone,” Sarah said and rolled her eyes.
“Which means no one is swearing to us,” Eileen muttered under her breath. But I could tell she had given up by the slump of her shoulders.
“It’s only the unworthy who lose their magic,” Jess reassured. Her eyes flashed at me. “Scared you’re unworthy?”
Yes. I was scared. I know better now than to think lineage has any place in witchcraft. It’s about the magic, always just the magic. But months of hearing their rhetoric had worn at my self-esteem. It really felt like if I didn’t do the ritual, I was as good as admitting I wasn’t a witch. If I did do the ritual…
Well. Obviously, I did the ritual.
I was a hot-headed teen, okay? I felt challenged. I decided that I would wear extra protections. Tiger’s eye and quartz charged with intention. I picked out a silver locket my mother gave me, filled with belladonna. She told me it symbolized beauty and choice.
Now, here’s where I may be the asshole.
I can’t give you a play-by-play of the ritual. It was ten years ago, and calling on that much magic has a funny way of warping memory. But what I do remember is this:
We gathered in the park before sunrise. Seven of us in new colors – spring green, white, soft yellow and pink. Jess made us get rid of anything with a working on it – crystals, cards, and ladders. She collected them all in a linen bag and threw them into the woods. I couldn’t get away with my tiger’s eye or quartz, but she missed the pendant my mother gave me. It was a warm comfort against my chest as we began.
We lit the fire together, each of us frantically thumbing our lighter to make sure the sparks caught at the same time.
Jess brought the chalice. We all cut our palms and let seven drops fall into it. (No, we didn’t use a clean blade. My cut got infected as hell and it itches like a witch. I know better now!) She bade us drink, and we did.
“Now the magic will see us as equal,” Sarah said while Jess prepared the next step. She licked her lips as if savoring the blood. “It will only be our wills determining the outcome.”
Jess doused us with oil and herbs. It smelled sharp and uneasy. I had provided the herbs and knew all of them were either fresh or dried to perfection. But it was rancid. There was rot in the air, but I couldn’t place it then. I wrinkled my nose and took up the chanting with the others to distract myself from the smell.
If you’ve ever chanted before, you know the stages. First, you’re just talking. You say the words and they mean something, but you don’t feel them. Then your mouth gets tired. You start messing up the timing of the words. You stutter. You stumble. The words lose meaning. Most people stop there. They fall silent and sink into a shallow meditation with heads full of fog.
You’re only a witch if you can reach the next step. You keep saying the words. They become comfortable. You wear the words like clothes and feel your cadence curl through you like a companion. Your body goes on autopilot and your mind relaxes. The chant turns smooth as silk. Depending on the chant, you lose yourself to the sweetness of your coven singing. Sometimes, you sink into the earth with them. Other times, you ride the flow of the magic like waves.
This time, the words pulled us away from our bodies. Jess slowly introduced new words to our chant. Words of summoning.
We called upon the Overseer.
Pressure fell around me like a vice. I couldn’t breathe even as the ritual fell from my lips without breaking. Magic had, at that point, always given me control. This? This was a complete loss of it.
I felt myself compressing. Smaller and smaller in the face of the being that was rising in the middle of the flames. It was not an observer. The moment I “saw” it, its endless form writhing in the space between the smoke, I knew that. It was a judge and jury.
It was a spider.
We chanted. It grew. It pulled us from our bodies like spiderweb and spooled our essences onto its forelimbs. It was not what Jess described and, simultaneously, it was. We were being tested. Our psyches were being tested.
So long as we chanted, the being would be contained. However, the longer it was contained, the more of us it could take. If we let it go, what would it do? Would it return any part of our magic to us? Any part of who we were?
Or would it eat?
This wasn’t a test of magic. It was a test of faith. Faith in each other and faith in the ritual.
For those practitioners out there, you can see the problem. I didn’t enter the ritual with faith. My intent was flawed from the beginning. We’d had spells fail because of lack of belief. I had never been the person who didn’t believe.
Until then
My words wavered. The Overseer turned its eyes to me. I could see my magic like thread before it, shimmering against the backdrop of its maw.
Then another tremor. Eileen dropped a word. The Overseer split and looked at both of us. Someone else faltered. One of the coven – I couldn’t see them – fell and went silent.
The sky yawned overhead, empty and cold. The embers from the fire spun up into it and were lost. The Overseer rippled and I felt our coven shrink in the face of it.
I gasped around the chant and looked across the fire. The light licked Jess’ gleeful face. Her eyes hungered for my failure. I could see it. Through the connection of the Overseer, I could feel it.
Jess and Sarah changed the chant. To this day, I don’t remember if they taught it to the rest of us. There are so many parts of the ritual that I’ve left out or forgotten. But I remember them chanting different words. The circle grew discordant.
“I offer my magic so I may be unspun and woven anew,” they said. The words have imprinted themselves like bitters under my tongue. “I offer my magic so I may—”
Some of the other members tried to pick up the new chant. Their voices grew weaker and the Overseer’s limbs began to extend out towards each one of us.
I wouldn’t offer my magic to that thing. I wouldn’t be unspun. Eileen was stuttering. I saw her fall to her knees. I was close behind.
I threw my necklace into the flames.
Belladonna. Beautiful and deadly. It has meant choice to many women and many of them have been from my own family. It's extreme and it’s final. An end that doesn’t always make room for a new beginning.
Pretty words that cover up what I meant when I threw it into the Overseer.
My intent was Death.
Entities never die. I’m sure the Overseer didn’t. It howled. The wind kicked up and brought the flames into a spiral ten feet tall. Its forelimbs shattered, and I reeled myself back together greedily.
Not all of us were safe from the Overseer’s desperate struggle against my death curse.
Sarah and Jess were alone in the third phase of the ritual. They had changed the chant. They had offered their magic and asked the entity to do with it what it will. They believed.
And because they believed, the Overseer took their magic with it.
I think it was the first coma Jess ever fell into. Her family certainly acted like it. They whisked her back to the East Coast before the end of the year. I heard from Eileen that she woke up shortly after I left for college.
Magicless.
Sarah too.
I fully own that I was responsible for the ritual failing. I panicked. I’ve gone through every excuse over the years. I didn’t know what the ritual really was. I was just a kid. I took magic too lightly. It was their fault for not letting us read the grimoire for ourselves. But, at the end of the day, the real reason the ritual failed was because I panicked and I let that panic break my belief.
I moved on to college and it felt like running away. I’ve never returned to my hometown. I’m happy with the life I’ve built. My magic summer camp gives me time to travel during the winter months, and I feel like I’m making a real difference in young witches’ lives.
Nowadays I teach young witches to never do a working without full intent. If they have doubts, they don’t do it. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way ten years ago. I tell them it can cost them more than their magic. It can cost them their lives.
Eileen is still back home and she says Sarah rarely comes out of her house. Sometimes she sees our former high priestess wandering the school grounds on nights of the full moon. I hear from other members of the coven that Jess’ family put out a bounty on me a few years ago. However, I never saw an assassin so I think that was just a rumor.
So, knowing that they’re still not over it, would I be the asshole for attending my high school reunion next month? I’ve been craving reconnection with my roots, but I’d be subjecting Sarah and Jess (though Jess marked Maybe on the RSVP) to my presence.
I know they must hold a grudge. If they were still witches, that would be a problem. I don’t think I’d be able to defend myself from one of their workings since I blame myself for what happened. But since they’re not, it’s not really a danger. That’s pretty asshole-ish, right? Ignoring their feelings because they don’t have the magic to back it up?
So WIBTA for attending my high school reunion even though the two girls I stripped of magic will be attending?
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Thanks for reading! It looks like I'll have quite a few updates for the anthology! I am still obsessed with this format and can't wait to share some of the updates over the next few weeks.
If you'd like to support me before the anthology, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)! I post new stories every week and many of my patrons saw the above story a week early.
The current AITA story takes place in the same universe as our former Cryptid (X). About a poor, poor boy who is just proud to be a regional Nightmare. Why is everyone so mad at him?
See y'all next week!
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Heyyy, it's me again, but this time we're talking situationship!Simon—aka the biggest fuckboy you'll ever meet. Honestly, girl, I have no idea why you're still putting up with him!
you can’t even define what you two have, but one thing’s for sure—he knows how to use his dick, and you're both free to mess around with whoever you want. but of course, you had to fall for him, for that stupid smile he swore only you were special enough to see, for the gentle touch that lingered on your skin during those rare nights when he stayed longer than usual. you fell for the way he made you feel like you were the exception, even though deep down, you knew better.
you fell for how he made you feel like you were everything, even though he’d always leave just as quickly. he knew exactly how to keep you hooked—giving just enough to make you believe in him, but never enough to make it real. you wanted more, but every time he left, you remembered that his promises were as short-lived as his visits. still, you couldn’t stop going back, hoping that maybe this time, he’d actually mean it.
but he never did. you’d have fun for a few hours, but then he’d leave, acting like you didn’t exist around everyone else. he’d flirt with other girls right in front of you, not even bothering to hide it when he left with them, almost like he wanted you to see.
and every time, it hurt a little more, but you couldn’t bring yourself to end it. you told yourself you didn’t care, that it was just fun, but deep down, you wanted to be the one he stayed with. yet, no matter how much it hurt to watch him with someone else, the moment he came back, all that anger faded, and you let him in again, caught in the hope that maybe someday he’d truly see you as more than just a temporary fix.
one night, you tried to have a serious conversation with him, hoping that if you laid out your feelings, he might finally understand. but he dismissed your emotions with a shrug, listing reasons why he didn’t want a relationship: he was too focused on his career, he wasn’t ready for commitment, and he just didn’t want to deal with the complications. simon insisted that keeping things as they were was the best option for both of you.
afterward, as you lay together, a clear realization hit you. even though you were physically close, you couldn’t ignore the emptiness you felt. that night you made a silent promise to yourself: this would be the last time you let him in, and the last time you let yourself be trapped in this cycle.
and, being the dumb man he was, simon only came to realize what he had lost after you were gone. a few weeks after your last conversation, he saw you a few times out with other guys, laughing and flirting as if you were moving on. it hit him hard—a painful mix of jealousy and regret. he realized that he missed you, but at the same time, he knew he had no right to these feelings. not after treating you the way he did.
he managed to keep his calm for a few more days, but the weight of his regret grew unbearable. finally, he snapped and called you into his office late one night, claiming he needed to discuss the upcoming mission with you.
as soon as you walked in, simon felt his heart tighten in his chest. seeing your face calm, confident, like you had already moved on, stirred something deeper than he expected. there was no trace of the vulnerability you used to show around him, no lingering affection. he realized, in that moment, just how much he had pushed you away. regret surged through him, sharper than he imagined, and he knew this conversation wouldn’t be easy.
after talking about unimportant stuff for a few minutes, simon took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. “i know i messed up, and i’m sorry for how i treated you. i’ve been thinking a lot about what happened, and i realize now how much i regret it. i was wrong to push you away.”
you looked at him, your expression guarded. “it’s a little too late for apologies, simon, don't you think? you had plenty of chances to get it right, and now you’re just trying to fix things because you see me with someone else.”
he tried to reach out, his voice softening. “i know it’s not enough, but i want to make things right. i can’t stop thinking about what we had.”
you shook your head, stepping back. “you had your chance, and you threw it away. i’m not going to be your second choice or your backup plan.”
"y/n-"
"no, simon!" you sighed, closing your eyes briefly to gather your thoughts. when you spoke again, your voice was steady, "you know, some people never fade from memory. they leave a mark that lingers just beneath the surface, no matter how hard you try to move on. but to be honest, i’m not in the mood for any more humiliation or heartbreak. so, this is my final goodbye to you."
you could sense that he wanted to say something, but you couldn’t let him speak before you had your say. “go ahead and fill your life with new faces, as if i were nothing but a distant memory. enjoy your freedom and let others wear you out as they please. i’m done being part of that. keep moving forward, and if you ever try to reach out, know that i’ll let your calls go unanswered. for now, i’m celebrating the end of our chapter.”
even as he heard you declare the end, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he still wanted you in his life. he was stuck between guilt and the lingering hope that maybe he could still fix things. despite your rejection, part of him struggled to accept that he had truly lost you, and he felt powerless to change the situation or let you go.
simon’s face twisted with a mix of desperation and anger. “you think you can just walk away and erase everything we had? you think you can move on and leave me behind like I’m nothing?” he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but his voice was filled with raw intensity. “don’t fool yourself, i still want you, and i won’t just let you go. you’re mine, whether you like it or not. i know i’ve made mistakes, but i’m not done fighting for what we had. if you think you can find someone better, go ahead. but know this: i’ll keep groveling and doing whatever it takes until you take me back. i’m not going anywhere, and i’ll make sure you remember what we had.” he took a step back, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
you just smirked, turning on your heel to leave. as you reached the door, you glanced back over your shoulder with a cold, confident look. “i can’t wait to see you on your knees,” you said, your voice sharp. then, you walked out, leaving him alone with his mess.
game on.
(I WANT HIM TO GROVEL FOR MONTHSSSS)
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@daydreamerwoah
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