#i was probably doing something wrong then but also i dont feel like it. i like to live on the edge
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Hii, I guess this is a question not only for you but also your followers. Why wouldn't it be ok to like aftg? Like I've seen people say is problematic? But the only thing I've seen criticized is how unrealistic it is and like is a book so... idk maybe I lack critical thinking on some topics so if anyone could point me where to look I'd love to keep liking these books while being aware of it's failings :3
this is an interesting question! i guess the biggest part of whether it wouldn't be "okay" for someone to read aftg would be somewhat down to personal tastes.
re: the unrealistic part, i think if you go into a lot of books expecting them to be "realistic" you'll probably find there's a lot out there that just... isn't. i myself think that 90% of the biggest arguments i've seen about it's realism are from people who 1) refuse to suspend disbelief for the sake of enjoyment or 2) go into it with a certain expectation as to how realistic it's going to be before reading.
you can pick apart a million different books and movies and tv shows out there and find "unrealistic" parts in them all. and what do people say is even unrealistic about it? the different languages that are spoken in it? the trauma all the characters have? i understand it, to some degree, but i think people who think that fiction that is unrealistic = fiction that is bad, are probably just reading the wrong things. and that's fine. it's personal taste. but not everything has to be realistic for someone to enjoy it. that's just me.
as for the problematic aspects of it, i guess my gut instinct is to say that's once again down to personal perspective and opinion. i personally don't like or agree with some things in it, but i don't know if i can definitively say, oh it's problematic for this reason or that reason. are there triggering topics in aftg? are there uncomfortable scenes and problematic things that the characters do and say? are there bad people who do bad things? yes. that's just the truth. does that make the books themselves inherently problematic? i don't think so. but maybe i'm wrong with that. i don't know.
if you try to justify and explain and dissect everything that happens or is said in a book like aftg, i think you can probably find yourself in a real rabbit hole of is this appropriate? is this okay? is this problematic? i just feel that, it's a book, that has shitty things said and done in it, and it's up to you yourself whether you think those shitty things cross the line of being problematic or not. there's limits to everything, and while i dont think aftg crosses those limits, it doesn't mean i think it's perfect or an exception to criticism.
i guess what i mean is that if you try to find things wrong with aftg, you'll probably find something. it's not perfect. you could pick it apart if you really wanted to. but i suppose i'm just happy enough to enjoy it without doing that because it is what it is. it's a book about people who have had shitty things happen in their lives, about people who say and do shitty things, but i don't think it glamorises or makes those shitty things okay. me liking the series also doesn't mean i'm 100% a-okay super cool with everything that happens in it either. i am not the media i consume or enjoy.
but it's also really important to listen to people who talk about things that do personally hurt them or make them feel like they're not seen for who they are or what they've been through. i can say that i personally am not offended or hurt by 99% of what happens, but that doesn't invalidate someone who was. that doesn't invalidate other people who aren't me who say "it's problematic for x reason". i'm happy to share any insights into this if anyone wants to send them my way!
maybe this isn't a good answer to your question and i'm still not sure if i've gotten my point across properly. there's a million things problematic about aftg, i guess, but it's just about where you draw the line between the problematic content inside the series, and it maybe being a problematic series from the outside. i don't know exactly where to point you towards to have a balanced understanding of why it might be okay vs not okay. i'd just say to keep an open mind and listen to what people say when they raise their concerns about it.
#i don't know#problematic as a whole is a hard one#i reaaaaalllyy hope this doesn't come across absolutely terribly#ask
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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i just. hit s+ rank in splatoon and i never honestly thought this would happen?? am i cool now.. do i get to be a part of the s4? do i get to be watered down to my running joke all the time?
#the last part is a joke but i do not see a whole lot of recognition of the s4 being. the s4#like yeah they were cool formidable foes in the s1 era and skull even beat goggles despite his plot armor#but now theyre just#there??#dont get me wrong i love their existence but#it feels like theyve been watered down at least a bit#skull is always just getting lost and army is almost always either the manual guy or the curry guy#thats. thats it thats their bits#skull also has the sweets thing#rider is sometimes a considerable foe too but at the same time the s4 doesnt usually consist of him so im not sure how much to count him#that being said it is a kids manga so i dont really expect it to lean too far into the formidable foes thing#even the xblood werent that scary in the long run and ended up goofy despite being who they were#i also get it in terms of fandom#i understand the appeal of something like aloha being cutesy dumb pink guy (who maaaaaaybe commited some crimes and it shows)#i also definitely understand the appeal of army having a thing for curry as well as the manuals#the manuals can be an endearing thing to write about trust me#but i also wouldnt mind seeing more things that center around the likes of the s4 and the xblood and even the best8 being the absolute best#of the best during their prime#reminder that s+ was the highest rank around when the s4 were introduced. same with the xblood#they were the strongest players and id like to see things that center around that#id like to imagine that moving on to the square and splatsville that the s4 would have had a chance to move uo and get into xbattles#i think of all of them skull and army would have the highest chances of actually making it to xrank and being successful#but honestly if mask and aloha could probably make it pretty well too if they got off their asses#and i think rider would excel as well being rider#he has his own kind of near plot armour i think#so do most of the big teams in my opinion#theyre the sort of doomed by the plot that forces them to battle goggles at some point lmao#maybe i could use this in a fic or au one day#maybe someone already has...#(please send to me if you know of any creators who have played around with these vague ideas of strength i wanna see em)
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so umm why can't you just use pokemon home 😂
oh i use pokemon HOME, lol. the thing is that i use it so often that ive identified a bunch of problems with it that drive me nuts!!!
ive listed a bunch of my issues on here before, but a big one is: im currently trying to put ribbons on a bunch of my old favorite pokemon, but you can only see what ribbons a pokemon has from the mobile app version of HOME.
so to know who still needs what ribbons, i’d have to boot up the mobile version, check which pokemon have which ribbons, and write their names and what ribbons they’re missing down- so that when i close the mobile app and open the switch app (you cant have both open simultaneously), i can remember which guys i need to move where. now with the spreadsheet, i can filter by ‘Sentimental’ (my category for my favorite individual pokemon) and ‘Pokemon that dont have the Paldea Champion Ribbon’ and be presented with a list of who is missing that ribbon
but also, im collecting info about pokemon i still have in earlier games, because i kept having moments where i’d go ‘what happened to DODE, the Dodrio that my best friend caught when she was 8 years old and then traded to me when we were in middle school?’ and have to start booting up all of my different carts across multiple generations. so why not make a comprehensive directory that spans across all of my games, that i can update to show which game a pokemon currently resides in?
also i just love making elaborate spreadsheets and being able to sort and filter data- its fun for me to be able to see all of the different species i have in Moon balls, or tag pokemon that i received from friends with notes about what i remember, and not have to worry about those tags being lost if i ever move one of those pokemon from HOME to a game (this is how the tagging system included with HOME works lol. i tried to use it! i made a bunch of tags and dutifully tagged almost all the pokemon stored in my HOME, only to find out later that if i moved one to a game and then put it back later, all the tags would be Gone and id have to reapply them all. super irritating!!)
oh another reason i just remembered- i will never remember the hidden ability for every pokemon species, and HOME doesnt have any special indicator if a pokemons ability is its hidden one. on my spreadsheet, i added a column where i can check off a box if a pokemon has its HA, in addition to the column that lists the name of the ability.
#pokemon#there are problems with the spreadsheet dont get me wrong. also im definitely not doing this the best or most efficient way#but im having fun#i need a text post tag#asks#the worst thing about it is that i have to update it manually. so if i decide to trade away or release a pokemon i made an entry for#i have to remember to delete its entry#also it is taking me a long time to add all of the pokemon. i have one more gen 5 game to add pokemon from before i move on to gen 6…#but its slow going and its time that i could be spending doing something useful or enriching or creative#its like. adhd catnip. it FEELS like im accomplishing something#id probably love a job doing data entry
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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— COULD IT BE????
U-UNCLE NIIINA!!!
IS. THAT.../YOU/? </3
tw for mild body horror, semi-graphic medical talk
*reaches my kenny girl hand up thru the dirt by my grave
& shoots the wink, finger gun, peace sign, wave combo*
HELLOOOO, MY LOVES! />o</ <333
( i'll make a bigger post later; swearsies. )
but where’s uncle nina?...Long Story Short?
i am seriously dreading having to go to the hospital for...the THIRD FUCKING TIME, so my diaHAGnosis hasn't been officially proven,
but trust me...juuuust trust me...
*is somewhere between a laugh, sigh, scream and cry*
i am about 95% sure....
tHAT A CHILD W/ NASTY DISGUSTIN GERM COVERED HANDS GAVE ME
A FUCKING PARASITE!???
wheeeew!~ yayayay! sAuR AwESomE!
i am...having So Much Fun! <3 xx
anyways, in case i croak, just wanted to pop in from the trenches to say a real quick, but quantifiably large and overtly resounding
THANK YOU to...
my rant park girls, ofc, for enduring my britney spears mentie bs in the chat, my psychosis and v obnoxious 'needs to be carried thru life' complaining/suffering on the reg ( i cried every single day for the past...almost week? because of how scared and sad i’ve been. ;-; )
anyone who sent me an in character/headcannon/plot question the past couple of days bc, other than the girlies, it was the only source of real joy and enrichment i have felt while being scared...for my life. thank...you. Seriously. like y'all still care abt my fic? wowza!! o/u/o
( regarding memes, soz, they might not super exciting, i’m only doing lil spef HC ones rn & got a lil hyperfixated on rae, so i am doing that one abt his height / fave fruit.
<333 my lovely emo fruit salad celebpretty boy. c: )
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, i just wanted to say thank you to ANYONE WHO EXPRESSED CONCERN ABOUT MY WELL BEING OR SAID THEY MISSED ME OR WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME!!!!
'cause haha!!! you were NOT wrong, concern was not misplaced at all! I HATE THIS SCARY NIGHTMARE FUEL CHILDREN CONTAGION! :(
istg, my face has swollen up shrunken down, been every color, the pressure in my ears and nose and face is so bad that i feel like i am i an airplane rn....in my bedroom, every er dr. told me i had a sunburn and was an idiot, like actually king, i am green not red! get a real job!
siiiiiiiiigh...i just...:c i’ve never felt weaker, more miserable, more afraid, more UGLY and more lost in my entire life...
but i am grateful to have been found by readers and human beings as lovely as yourselves. i miss you. i love you. i'll try to be in touch as much as i can, but it will be touch and go, my body is a body bag rn :/
thank you for fighting the good fight, my darlings. whatever you are going through, KEEP FUCKING GOING. this is not the end. you are so much stronger than things that want to make you weak.
( i'm not very good at practicing what i preach, but ngl, kinda sick, literally, but i have basically been my own emergency makeshift whumpshot this past week and it has been gNARLY. like i have been...very scared. lmao. i am...still scared, but i'm gonna be okay. )
ANYWAYS ALL THIS TO SAY:
from what hurts or harms you,
past, present and future....
I HOPE YOU HEAL.
-sickfic body horror whumple nina <3
#nina speaks#i will write something better later put out some more profesisonal writing and do some nice asks#but like cut me some slack please you guys#i am fucking dying like i am actually not doing very well at all like v sick of me to finally have time to rest long enough#to realize that i am fucking sick and its way more advanced than a reg case plus there are other things also wrong...hnnnnGDGKS#yes i am losing my mind i literally THE THINGS THAT I HAD TO DO TO MYSELF IN THIS ROOM...horrifying#final girl nina shit brother say what u will abt barbie nina#i am not going out ugly as FUCK like this hell no bitch#but yeah i am....very bummed i want to do my asks and chill and vibe but i am fighting this off i probably have to see#a speciality dr to make sure i dont miss anything and not fix it and d word myself...slay i got chores i got...shit mt everest#and all of you <3 thank you for being here and feel free to send any asks you want the responses might just be slow#please pray that my head doesnt explode in my sleep
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Idk if im aroallo but i agree with their beliefs
#sexuality is a fucking enigma. im probably acespec? i do think men are hot and i do fuck them but idk if im actually sexually attracted to#them i just think its fun#casual sex and fwbs are great. having sex is just something some friends do sometimes. the wider aspec community is really weird abt sex w/o#romance. hell society as a whole is but idk its so easy for people to default to aro = aroace. which rubs me the wrong way#even if im not necessarily aroallo i am Just Aro and people automatically assuming that im ace is. not great#i also just. really like hearing the perspectives of other aro people. theres that layer of nuisance when you know what amatonormativity is#yknow?#like even if i dont id as aroallo or lovequeer or loveless or aplatonic i like hearing abt it. other perspectives on aromanticism help me#to recognize facets of aroness i hadnt considered before and better understand myself#and it makes me feel more like im in a community :]#anyway its aroposting time im gonna go read some aro posts now#sev rambles
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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You’re welcome to explain your answer in the tags!
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#jatppolls#dont ask me why the number categories are like this!!! there is no rhyme or reason to them!!!#been thinking bout this for awhile now. cause it didnt occur to me that I havent watched it since i netflix party’d it with Rosie in Sept#2021… which has been… a very long time. considering in 2020 after it came out i probably watched it over 100 times in full.#there’s just something that stops me from clicking play on the show and i cant put it into words. its just this feeling i get every time my#mouse or finger hovers over the show. i also got rid of netflix this past year too but that was quite recent and i do have a copy of it on#my ipad sksjsj idk#guess im just curious if anyon else is in this weird limbo. dont get me wrong. i am still enamoured by this show but rewatching it is just#smthg i havent done in a hot minute. maybe i should make Rosie do another netflix party with me 👀#i feel like if i was more active in a discord or on tumblr i wouldve tried to watch it with mutuals but alas i am incapable of having free#time outside of work and life.#once again i am shocked that the answers are centred in the bubbles before u click on them and it bothers me?!?#alt option: i have rewatched the show aolely through gifsets 😌#sunset queue#<- queuing this for some reason. idk what the reason is.
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its really so absurd to me that even among people that believe climate change is real the popular belief seems to be "and anyone that tries to do anything to mitigate it is annoying and an idiot" like what are you talking about
#tag for when im talking#look i know the problem is corporations and legislation i get this i get that theres not a lot to be done individually#but also even if everyone in every government woke up tomorrow and decided they gave a shit and they were going hard in on this one thing#there would still be like. individual lifestyle changes that need to be made. there would still be a several year period that it would#still be more convenient to do the easier and more climate harming thing. cause even in this fantasy world were everyones on board#it takes time to change production lines and built environments. yknow. but we dont live in this fantasy world.#and realistically theres probably not a lot that most people can do. but a lot of people can do Something. which is better than Nothing.#like i dont think “the problem is corporations” is wrong but i feel like its held up as a way to say “so i dont need to do anything”#and as a way to paint people who try to do something as like. naive and ignorant.#its very uh. doomerism i guess.
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Maybe im not a true media liker but i could never truly be really into something unless i make something for it. Not fanart, But a whole reimagining or explorative extension of that media.... Truly it cannot get better than this. Its a great mind workout
#i talk#ive been putting off saying this bc i feel people would misinterpret it as me admitting i only participate in something to get attention for#-my ocs ← unbelievably delusional sounding on paper but ive heard people say this but i know that is not true#FOR ME ATLEAST..... once again.#in all honesty. its more of i like it so much that i wouldnt want to touch or tarnish it lest im wrong in my interpretation#so thats why i focus on expanding on whats there but never eleborated on. its just something i like to do always#despite all that though. i dont actually enjoy au content i was always on the fence trying to figure if what im doing IS categorized as such#bc well. none of the original guys are BARELY in it. i think its closer to a fan creation set in the same universe#but what do i know im just a guy. im not that particularly in on the works of what people do... smh#also something something if somebodys already doing it why should i interject. probably the reason why i gravitate to this way of creation
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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trailer talk
#compendiumnotebook#i probably articulated a lot of my trailer thoughts better to my mutuals and friends i was dming the other day#but the tldr of it is that im kind of disappointed they only seem to be adapting mostly movie and portable stuff#not that i hate hate portable or hate hate the movies#but saying that this is going to be a faithful remake of base 3 and having only portable events and options available + adding movie stuff#feels like a big slap in the face to fes and manga enjoyers. and dont get me started on the hammy lovers.#and also is just straight up incorrect. wish they would say what they're adapting rather than saying its a faithful remake#damn im so sorry yall. especially because if they wanted to do a portable adaptation she should be here.#even if im not her number 1 fan i get how dirty it feels#but tbh i am leaning more towards femc as dlc rather than the answer as dlc now#bc atp it just seems like they take fes for granted and brush it off#bc its not as popular#just feels kind of mean a bit#“manga and fes are there. but portable and movies seem to be popular so we can do more of that!”#minato being able to work a job is something i dont like. he's constantly overworked in every other department of his life.#now hes gotta work too?#it seems like this hero is less chronically ill tired angry and like theyre trying to give him more energy and “wipe away his wrongs”.#iddkkkkkk#im sure I'll warm up to it in game#and find a way to work this into my reading#but for now those are my thoughts#oh! i like his mp3 player saying hi to him. thats precious.
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this makes me feel like everyone is going to look at everything i do and judge me for it. this just makes me feel more pressured to do everything "right" and extremely worried of making mistakes and taking the wrong decisions sometimes. im not perfect. you're certainly not perfect. i don't know why anyone would expect any person to be perfect either
#not gonna talk about what exactly#but this#this makes me feel like i wouldnget judged for everything i do in my life#top this fear with the fear of being disliked by people#im a people pleaser and sometimes i make wrong decisions#it doesnt mean i dont feel guilty about them#and im scared it makes me a bad person#and honestly i probably was never a good person to begin with#because ive always tried to please everyone around me?#the dilemma is real nevertheless#i want to cling onto something that provides me comfort#while also not get hated on for doing something that seems right#although no matter what i do it's gonna get looked at with judgement and criticism
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how it feels to randomly get rly overwhelmed and frustrated and bitchy and feel like youre going insane
#like its so dumb i shouldnt be this upset its not just rhe stupid drawing everything is literally wrong . i need everythinf 2 stop 4ever#i want to eat something savory but i cant bc rly what i want is a spambowl but i cant fucking make spambowl bc everybody in the house will#lose their shit that i didnt offer to make any for them <- uncharitable. at most lamp would make a joke abt it. but i also just dont want to#cook. but nobody else can make spam bowls#well lamp can but they prefer when i make them. but we have 4 pieces of leftover spam i need to use up bc theyre jusr in a ziploc#and thats enough for A spambowl. but iii dont feel like it#it wouldnt even be that like. actually no incouldnt thered be too much rice#we only have boil in a bag rn. and 1 bag is for 2#so if i want spambowl id Have to share w lamp which i dont mind its easy 2 like. yk. 2 spambowl is what i usually make so i can do it pretty#easy. but im like om the verge of tears for no reason so i cant be in the kitchen#'for no reason' well my periods coming up inliterally got rhe notif for it. thats the reason#i need to get back on t i need to get a job i need to graduate. slamming my head into the wall#i feel like now its been too long since i worked and nobody will hire me . man#but i also like. idk i. id probably be better if i had a job bc id have to be but i feel like i cant keeo anything stable#i cant even keep my fucking sleep schedule steady i get it fixed for a week and then i fuck it up#im so tired i wish things were easy. whateber man . i think maybe i just need to sleep
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