#i was not making the hotwheels part up

[locusfandomtime]

I’d like to think Hotwheels Sisyphus is the adopted brother of Megalovania Longpenis. they are two of a kind

[alienssstufff]

If we’re going off of the “All genloss deaths were real and shot through a silly filter”:

-CHARLIE: Survives DAY1. The death as the Slime Demon was staged and he was taken away offscreen through special effects. His real death however happens on DAY2 when Ranboo performs surgery on him in the Second Puzzle Room (Surgeon Simulator) this is also the first time we see the red camera (the set without the silly) for the first time. The ‘Charlie’ Ranboo was talking to in the second room was his dead body with the SFX put in. I also think his voice was pre-recorded (like the cutaways on DAY1) before that -which makes everything even more fucked up knowing he was recording lines to replace himself in case he died. This ALSO also implies that Snowfall made Charlie eat ?? A bunch of micro plastics back when he was made the protagonist which I think is very funny cuz why??? He got a whole mouse trap and hotwheels car in him dude 😭

-SNEEG: Survives DAY1. Like Charlie we see him get taken away offscreen for DAY2. We see that red camera again as he tries to get away during the second room through a bathroom break but Snowfall brainwashes him. The original plan was supposed to be one person would survive the second room but by what happened. A second person (Sneeg) would be picked to survive and essentially act as an enforcer to make sure the other actors stay in line. He ultimately dies keeping himself and Austin at the other side of the wall, crushing them to death in Seventh Puzzle Room (Hole in the Wall).

-NIKI: Is shot twice offscreen by Jerma in the Fourth Puzzle Room (Candy Crush) DAY2. Theorise the game masters (Charlie DAY1, Jerma DAY2) like Sneeg were there to supervise the actors. Theorise the first shot at Niki was a deliberate mercy shot to keep her quiet but alive. It’s implied through watching Sneeg get brainwashed that Jerma was terrified that the same would happen to him if he failed - the second shot was reluctant but fatal.

-VINNY: Burnt by lasers and blunt head trauma in the Fifth Puzzle Room (Oceans 11 Heist) DAY2. Kinda a weird one I think they actually did try to throw Vinny over the lasers but it both wasn’t far enough and too high. He’s burnt by lasers but we also see him hit his head on the ceiling which might have been the final blow rather than a comically small anvil.

-ETHAN: murdered offscreen in the Sixth Puzzle Room (Top Model) DAY2. Similar case to Niki he went backstage where he wasn’t supposed to go (the blacklight signs just extra warning to the actors NOT to use that way in)

-AUSTIN: Crushed to death by a wall in the Seventh Puzzle Room (Hole in the Wall) while being held back by Sneeg on DAY2.

-JERMA: Murdered offscreen in the final room (Mall of America entrance) DAY2. Snowfall found out about the recording Jerma was going to use to help Ranboo find the truth after witnessing the deaths and they killed him.

-FRANK (bonus): Unknown if he was an actual person or a prop (hard to tell atp). If he was he’d be long dead before DAY1. He could have been Sneeg’s friend, he could have been a staff member at Snowfall who rebelled and tried to escape. Those ‘slime’ parts on Charlie’s set on DAY1 might have even been Frank’s body parts.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making my daughter morning baskets?

Okay so this has been going in circles for almost a month and I feel like I'm losing my mind, so getting external opinions.

I have 2 sisters, A and B. A is happily childfree, B has 2 kids, (6 and 2), I have 1 kid (1). We were all together at Christmas, and Sis A asked how daycare was going (we started doing part time daycare in September). I said it was good, I was getting the time to focus on work when I worked 3 10s the days my daughter goes to care, and then half days the 2 days she's home.

I also mentioned that I'd recently started doing morning baskets for her. My phrasing was something like 'I started doing this silly Pinterest morning basket thing, but it's actually working really well for us, so that's nice.' Sis B mentions that she's seen the idea, but didn't really think it would work for her. I said that makes sense, her mornings are different than mine (she is a SAHM and homeschools her 6 yo).

Conversation moved on to other things and I thought nothing of it, until after the holiday Sis A messages me that I was cruel to Sis B, bragging about making more money than her, and should apologize. I ask what she's talking about and she says the morning basket thing. I clarify that while some people do printables/coloring in their baskets, my kiddo is still eating crayons, so I'm literally taking a couple books and toys that she already has and putting them in the living room so that it's the first thing she sees in the morning. I've found that since there's only about an hour between waking and leaving for daycare, it's helpful to not have her drag every toy she has out for me to clean up later. When I said that my sister's mornings are different, I mean that she's staying home and also doing school/prek activities with her kids, so it's a very different flow of the day. I explained all of this to Sis A, who maintained that I was bragging about my income.

Concerned that I was the AH, I contacted Sis B, because I wanted to apologize even if it was just a misunderstanding. Sis B has no issue, says she's not discussed it with SIs A at all, and further that she assumed I meant her kids' school activities when I said her mornings are different (which is exactly right). Also, because Sis B's youngest is a year older than mine, a fair amount of my kid's toys are hand-me-downs from her, so she thinks the 'bragging about toys' comment it silly. Fair, honestly. I move on.

Until next time Sis A calls. 'Have you apologized to Sis B yet?' Telling her about our conversation and that she's the only one who wasn't on the same page has no effect, she maintains that Sis B is just 'feeling too shamed' to tell me how she really feels. She's now telling our extended family that I'm 'lording my wealth' over them both, and I've got aunts telling me I should apologize. But to whom? For what? AITA??

~~Example of a basket, in case info is helpful: stuffed dino, dino hotwheel car, a couple of books about dinosaurs, some blocks to round it out. This is all stuff that we have already, I'm just grabbing some things around a loose theme the night before.

What are these acronyms?

[missmarveledsblog]

Off that perch ( Natasha trace x Female!Reader)

Summery : After some advice from rooster and jake y/n mitchell ask nat out to lunch only she thinks it just a friendly outing meaning y/n need to make it more special and clear the air or will she back down and stay on the perch of friendship .

warning : miscommunications , goofy fun , rom com vibes .

They stood peaking in the door , like a bunch of children trying to catch adult conversation  , whispering to each other . That how rooster and phoenix found the famous dagger squad rolling their eye at the childish scene but peaked in nonetheless wanting to see what was so big , what was so interesting .  there she was at mav side as he was explaining something and pointing to the jets as the womans head nodded  or when cyclone said something and she began pointing at the other side of the room and the two men now nodding to whatever she said .  the three looking around only to spot the group standing there looking like deers caughting headlights .  

“ dagger squad come meet your new mechanic �� cyclone called as the walked more into the room still a little off being caught . 

“ your new engineer actually “ she smiled brightly . “ its nice to meet you all name’s y/n “ waving to the group as mav introduce them  only for one to stand forward , flirty grin on his face. 

“ hangman darling but you can call me jake” 

“ you don’t need an introduction to bradley  “ mav laughed . 

“ kids grown up huh , least you didn’t get your dad’s looks” rooster pulled her into a hug .

“ yeah having another mitchell  no need to remind me “ cyclone winced as seem to be a pain in his ass multiplied . 

“ the best of best comes with a price old man.. Don’t worry they got medication for it “ she patted his arm as the other hide their amusement . 

“ i’ll get her started “ mav snicker leading her over as cyclone walked out muttering something under his breathe and really questioning his life choice or why mitchell seemed to come into it . 

“So  yeah  tables over here and tools her it close to the parts and inventory and also not in the way of you guys “ she held up her hand in framing out the vision of her idea  as her father nodded .

“ good job kid   what do you need ?” he asked. 

“ erm i write a list “ she winced . 

Getting on with the day  while dagger squad was doing some basic flight maneuvers for the recruits, y/n was deep into making the makeshift engineering station, seemingly the last one was deployed and one before that retired so  civilian contract was better case .  of course anything that was fast and full of adrenaline seemed to be hereditary only for it was the working of them , she love seeing what made these machines do what they did . so while girl when she was younger were playing with barbies and dolls she wanted tool and hotwheels or when she was a teen they were doing cheerleading she was in shop class getting greasy and oil all over her .

Just like her dad minute she got on the road it was in the form of two wheels a bike she bought cheap and worked to make it the most beloved creation .   inching to get working she got the station ready  it was for big repairs  while she could be closer to make sure if she needed to get to a jet she would be right there  an idea she was surprised cyclone even agreed with the whole thing giving what her dad told her she thought it was going to be more of a push then an easy yes . although he did come in and out of the hanger to check the progress .  It was also surreal meeting the dagger squad, people her dad constantly gushed on about it was sort of intimidating to see them in person but instantly that dissolved at the friendly welcome .    Each one of them made it out their way to make her first day a welcoming time  and Bradley well was Bradley so that helped .   she was even able to get started on paybacks jet , he noticed a rattling sound  during the take off  turned out  one of the brackets on the wheels were loose.  

For first days it was pretty great and hell  easy on the eyes too . 

In the blink of an eye the first few months went by as she sat  in the hard deck friday night  on the stool just watching them play. She couldn’t help it over time it was harder and harder to stop fawning and melting in her seat . of course they were all attractive and hot in their own way but their was a reason Pete mitchell never had to worry about his daughter getting in trouble with boy .. simply she wasn’t attracted to the male species . she was lucky with her father  being who he was accepting as he was which was more could be said about her mother  almost 15 years since she first came out,they hadn’t spoken and when they did it was to ask if she got over the ridiculous notion .  it wasn’t a notion it was her sexuality  one he father accept straight away whether he thought it was a phase or not the same would go for her grandmother  which ironically was her mothers mother . giving her father a choice of career didn’t always mean they were together   so she was in her grandmother's care instead of moving her around all the time . even though her dad was away a lot, he made sure keep in contact , make up for loss time it was a pretty good relationship  and with her grandmother meant the stability and being able to finish her education and not starting a new school a hundred times a year .. ok maybe not that many time but with maverick mitchell it wasn’t far off .  coming to top gun and working with the dagger squad was great but shit she was head over heels for natasha trace.   The brunette female aviator was  a dream come true , from the no nonsense  to her strong willed attitude. The way she care so much for her friends and those around no one could stand an absolute chance to not fall for her.   She couldn’t help it not the first time when she saw how easily phoenix could take on the guys , her confidence not cocky or overbearing more humble and relax .  she often get lost in the woman's presence only for rooster to bring her back to earth . 

“ your drooling again” he chuckled as she turned her head with scoff hiding the way she had to make sure she actually wasn’t indeed drooling. 

“  i wasn’t drooling” she huffed out before her eyes looked back to the pool table glancing at phoenix talking to bob  when their eyes met she would smile and y/n had a goofy grin right back . 

“ jesus your worse that bradshaw” jake drawled making her glare at the man . 

“ HEY” the both yelled .  “ i’m way cooler than he is “ she scoffed. 

“ ok that maybe a little true , but hey you sit on a perch  “ he chuckled. 

“ am i suppose to know what that means “ she looked between the two men. 

“ look ask her out and just go from there  , hangman right as much as that pains me to say but jesus christ be an adult “ rooster chuckled  leading her over toward the two people .  before pushing her completely and heading to the bar. 

“ hey woah nice of you to drop by literally ��� nat snorted catching y/n 

as the woman glared at the man she considered to be like her big brother before she turned so close almost melting into the chocolate brown eyes that almost felt like home . “ y/n … hello” nat laughed waving her hand  . 

“ erm wanna go for lunch tomorrow … with me … just us “ she smiled weakly wondering what the hell was wrong with her. 

“ of course girls day right “ . 

“ yeah girls day totally what i meant man i cannot think… today cause i’m tired “ she wince already feeling the  shit hangman was going to give her for this she could already feel the blondes eyes on her burning into her skull and the smirk on his lips . “ cool yeah i’ll text you later” she smiled heading back over  toward where jake and bradley were. 

“ hey  this is good maybe you’ll finally tell y/n your in love” bob whispered as nat was willing her heart to stop beating so fast. 

“ shh she’ll hear you and plus it just friend thing it not a date .. sadly “ nat sighed looking over smiling when y/n hit jake in back of the head. 

Y/n was still excited when she woke up even though it wasn’t the date she’d imagine or fact that it wasn’t actually a date because the beautiful lady she was talking to made her brain short circuit  in the short time of her request to even ask properly but today she would be ready taking some of jake and bradley advice to make it the best date / non date ever even  taking her car a cherry red corvette that she inherited from her grandmother  it was a thing of beauty  . she  sang along to the radio before stopping , maybe she was a little like Bradshaw, only she wasn’t partial to wearing the Hawaiian print like he was even though he had gotten her some .  she wore nice blouse and black high waisted shorts  it wasn’t too casual or overly dressy nice in between , make up was the same a soft glam  pulling up outside phoenix as beeping .  she was grateful for the sun glasses she “ borrowed “ on bradley because in that moment she was no better than a man as she hungry let her eyes roam . it was completely different from the head to toe khaki and tight bun she was used to seeing nat wears . her hair down soft wave to it and the dress  that came to her top of her knees almost vintage feel to the outfit and shit it made y/n hand sweat and her heart beating wild in her chest and when she smiled at her fuck she felt her knees get all shaky .  

“ hey nice ride “  the door opened . 

“ yeahhh … thank you it was my grandmothers she gave it to me when she kicked the bucket “  she smiled internally wondering what the fuck was wrong with her and maybe ask if she was dropped on her head as a baby. “ you look beautiful by the way , stunning .. you always look beautiful though “ she babbled as nat chuckled. 

“ thanks you look beautiful like always too” almost shy smile as pulled her belt on only occurring to y/n she should of got the door for her being all sweet and chivalrous but she could make up for that . 

The drive wasn’t too bad, nerves subsiding slightly as y/n  was able to actually converse getting to know the female aviator more and more which only fed the feelings she was harbouring .   learning that nat had a older brother , her father was in the navy  , her mother a school teacher both were apprehensive when the baby of the family join the navy as a aviator but now both very proud .  she learned she also adopted a cat giving the more permanent station and fact that she when she was deployed it was someone to watch  it for her. Which in turn y/n new found love for felines were expressed . y/n told her about growing up with her grandmother and Mav leaving her mother out not even thinking of it to be honest it was like she always done and no one ever really commented . 

“ your mom not around ? .. sorry that was probably insensitive “ nat wince realising it was probably for  a reason . 

“  no it’s cool , we haven’t spoken in  15 years she can’t accept me so their no point trying to force her she got two new step kids and husband the last  i heard “ she shrugged it stopped being sore subject a long time ago only reason she never spoke of the woman was she was never really  cross her mind . 

“ accept you what  did she want you to become a doctor or something” nat asked confused just as the light all clicked on in y/n head. 

“ oh you didn’t know huh ?”  she chucked nervously. “ no my mom  is homophobic and well having a gay daughter although does it count since i’m dead to her til i stop this nonsense” she laughed. 

“ you’re gay ?”. 

“ uh huh ,  it was hard coming out but my grandma and dad made me know i was loved no matter what so it’s not too bad” y/n  smiled fondly . 

“ my dad didn’t accept it at first just like the navy  but came around even goes to the pride parades to show he’s an ally “ nat chuckled. 

“ my dad too although i swear that man is more involved than he says i seen him and my uncle ice it’s a running joke with me and my aunt sarah that their the married couple really  or they were “ she sighed. 

“ i’d say it surreal to have the hall of fame as a second family “ nat smiled sweetly like a shift in the mood  a more comfortable feeling washing over the two . 

“ oh it major boots to fill hence why i never joined the navy , knowing it was big, big shoes to fill but hey i didn’t stray far from it “ she snorted  thinking of the sheer irony.  “ plus i think the navy got all it need with aviators as good as you  “ she winked . 

“ well thank you and with you looking after the jets well we are unstoppable “ nat winked back  making y/n cheeks flush. “ interesting cute though” she muttered . 

“ we’re nearly here hope you like italian “  y/n mused trying to gain so control over herself . 

Pulling up to the restaurant y/n rushed out of the car making her way to the other side opening the door  and holding her hand making it a bit more extra effort in the action  and making up for no doing it when she first  arrived to collect the woman even holding her arm out  as nat took it . escorting her into the restaurant with almost proud smile with such a woman on her arm til the were led to the table she was one that pulled the chair out before taking her own seat. 

“ so hows it going settling here  , your dad said you lived in chicago before you came here?” nat asked . 

“ oh i love it here it feels more like home than home did , i don’t’ know if that even makes sense “  

“ it does i know that feeling i never thought i would settle somewhere used to temporary stays but here it never felt temporary so when we got asked i think we all jumped at the chance “  nat shook her head  thinking how mad it really was how they all agreed this was their home now . 

“ you met anyone ?” y/n blurted out. 

“  not yet” she smirked . 

“ oh you seeing someone ?” sort of said in the tone. 

“ i got my eye on someone , someone who’s very good with her hands , hot as fuck and not in the navy but not far from it “ she raised her glass  a knowing grin on her face as it took y/n minute . 

“ well maybe i do too , wanted to ask her on a date but she thought it was a friendly outing” she shot back . “ what flowers do you like… you know for the next date?” she smiled more confidently . 

“ hmm something wild but beautiful “ nat mused  the air definitely taking a more pleasant undertone . 

“ well lets order  cause i got more planned for rest of this date  that was secretly always a date not gonna lie “ she smiled more victoriously .  “ off that perch and swoop you up “ she winked picking her hand up and kissing her hand . 

let me know if anyone wants a part two ( it will be 18+)

[subaerial-dweller]

OK it's been 2 seconds since the last one I'm still going, writing isn't working drawing is unreliable so here are my thoughts/headcanons/ideas about Generation Loss Episode 2!

PART TWO: AD BREAKS

So it's not a character I want to talk about but it's related to a character we all know and love: Squiggles. You know through the episodes where he just pops up and gives little comments about what's going on? I was watching Episode 2 yesterday, and one of Squiggle's little things made me go "oh this is certainly an Idea".

"If you're on mobile, buy a computer! Ha ha."

So I was thinking, what if some of the other comments led into little sponsored ad breaks, or TSE merch? For The World watching, I understand it's not us (because we live in a world where Ranboo is aLive and well *sobs*), but the world of Genloss, what if they got ads? They're all sitting down together watching TV with their dinners on their laps, and then Squiggles comes dancing across the screen just before the puzzle is completed (for context, this was when the audience was solving a puzzle to get GL!Niki and GL!Sneeg through the pipe maze). And everyone's enthralled, they're like oh wow they've almost made it, and Squiggles comes and goes "If you're on mobile, buy a computer! *brand name* laptops available now for 10% off if you call today, at 1800-RANBOO, I repeat, 1800-RANBOO! Now right back to Generation Loss, the Social Experiments!"

(I tried to get the 1800 number to be GENLOSS but it has too many letters)

If I could animate, and I really would like to learn just so I can do this, I would make Squiggles do his little thing, and advertise his products. Like when GL!Ranboo is cutting open GL!Slime, he goes "so that's why he's called Slimecicle!" And then, what if he launches into a toy ad targeted at kids for the Operation set of Slimecicle, as pictured in Generation Loss, for only $49.99! Like they have all these little ads, and they're so annoying for the viewer except all of them are so enthralling, so you have houses of Genloss merchandise and sponsored materials, little figurines of all the characters (Slimecicle's comes in an operating bed, and you can get the merry-go-round for an additional 20 bucks). And all of the boxes have Squiggles there in the corner, smiling and saying something either directly related to the product, or a very generic Showfall Media merch tagline.

It's sick and twisted, because you can buy all these things that are so messed up. I'm only thinking about Episode 2 right now, so I won't even go into Episode 3. But like, you can get Frank, and the figurine of Sneeg has a removable hat, and for the clothes room set you get all these customisable options with wigs and shoes and everything. You can get the revolving door that killed GL!Ethan, and it comes with fake blood! Slime kits that turn red if you download a certain mobile app, for an additional cost.

Once again, this post has evolved from "sponsorship and merch" to "fucked up action figures", but there .you go. I just really like the idea of having brightly coloured lumps of plastic designed for kids and megafans with too much money, but it's about the most fucked up things aspects of the show. But it's all haha funny and haha children, and it's a plague. It's everywhere. Target, Toyworld, supermarkets. Like Barbie or Hotwheels, it's one of the big brands. You can get Lego sets where you get two versions of Ranboo's mask. Screaming face Charlie, and happy normal "duude" Slimecicle. It's all plastic, it's all fake as fuck, but the kids love it, the adults love it, it's so marketable and they have Christmas editions, Halloween editions, and maybe ONE edition for some other holiday that doesn't have strictly Christian roots, for the media's sake. "Showfall Media Displays Diversity In Popular New Doll". Just so no one can say they're not inclusive.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Dimples

Pairing: Sam x Reader Word count: 965

Read on AO3

Part 6 of When Did We Get a Kid?

Connor woke you up by jumping on your bed, giggling. He’d been there nearly a week already, and you liked having him around. Dean and Wendy had stayed a couple days, but said they would be back in about a month. They were thinking of moving a bit closer, which would be nice. “Okay, okay, I’m up!” You laughed. Grabbing his waist, you pulled him to the bed and started tickling him. He squealed as he squirmed.

Sam walked to your door and leaned on the door frame. Smiling, he shook his head. “You sure you won’t be the first one married with kids?” He teased, making you roll your eyes. “Come on, he’s only got a couple more days with us. Thought we’d take him to the fair.”

You let Connor off the bed and he ran over to Sam, catching his breath. You smiled and nodded. “Sure. I don’t have to work until two today.”

“I doubt we’ll stay past lunch.” Sam shrugged.

“Well, are you gonna get out so I can change?” You teased. Sam turned a light pink and walked out with Connor, shutting the door. Shaking your head, you slipped out of bed and stretched. Having Connor around had certainly been interesting, and you had a feeling you saw a glimpse into Sam’s future. He’d be an amazing father one day. Sighing, you pulled off your night shirt and moved to your closet.

Once you’d dressed in shorts and a shirt, you pulled on socks and sneakers. Moving through your apartment, you pulled your hair into a ponytail. Connor and Sam were sitting on the living room floor playing with Hotwheels. You grinned, wondering how long it would take them to notice you were there. “Y/N!” Connor grinned, getting up and running over to you. He put his arms up, letting you know he wanted you to carry him. Chuckling, you picked him up and put him on your hip.

When you looked up, you couldn’t read Sam’s face. “What?” You asked, blushing.

He grinned at you. “Nothing.” He chuckled. “Let’s get going.” Getting up, he grabbed his keys and wallet. You didn’t believe it was nothing, but you dropped it.

The ride to the fair was full of Connor ‘singing’ along to the radio. It was cute, and you couldn’t stop smiling. The fairgrounds weren’t too packed, which was nice. Connor insisted on sticking with you, and you honestly didn’t mind. Your attention was on him, and Sam’s was on you. He’d always cared about you, as more than a friend, but seeing how you acted with Connor fanned that.

Sam paid for wrist bands and the three of you walked towards the first kiddie ride. There was no way that Sam would ever fit, and since an adult had to be with anyone under five, it was up to you. There was no line, so you walked right up, smiling at the man in charge of that ride. “You and your mommy ready to go on the ride, son?” He chuckled.

You went to open your mouth and correct him, but Connor cut you off. “YES!” Your face turned bright red as you heard Sam laughing behind you.

Taking a deep breath, the two of you climbed into the ‘roller’ coaster and waited for the ride to start. It was just one of those simple tracks that barely had any change in the incline. However, it was a blast for Connor. When you passed Sam, you made a face at him, making him grin.

Stepping off, Connor pointed to the Ferris Wheel. Something the three of you could go on. Connor took one of your hands, and then one of Sam’s. Every few steps the two of you would swing him a bit off the ground, sending him into a fit of giggles. There was a short line, so Sam put Connor on his shoulders while the three of you waited.

“While we’re here we have to get a funnel cake.” You told him.

“I still don’t know how you can eat those things.” He chuckled.

You stuck your tongue out at him. “Connor will eat it with me, right, little buddy?”

It was your turn to climb on, so Sam let Connor down. The three of you got into the compartment and the door was shut behind you. Ferris Wheels had changed since you were a kid! Connor was on his knees, looking out the window in awe as you moved up slowly, stopping to let more people on. Finally, you were actually going around. You smiled as his nose was smashed up against the window. “Wow.” He gasped, making it fog slightly.

Your eyes shot from Connor to Sam for a moment to see a soft smile on his face as he watched you.  Your smile grew slightly before averting your eyes from his.

By the time the three of you left the fair, Connor was passed out on Sam’s shoulder, powered sugar all over his face. When you reached the car, you opened the door for Sam to put Connor in his car seat. You slipped into the passenger’s seat and sighed. It had been a good morning, and your feet were a bit sore. You know that come tonight you’d be wishing you had a personal foot massager.

For the first half of the drive, the car was silent. Neither of you wanted to risk waking up the sleeping toddler, so the radio was left off. You were staring out the window when you felt Sam’s hand reach for yours. His fingers laced with yours. Your eyes looked at your hands, then to his eyes. He smiled that smile, the one with the dimples. You smiled back, giving his hand a small squeeze.

[haunybooboo]

I haven’t posted in a while. I’m not too sure why.

This is their sperm donors part of the summer with them but I had them this weekend. Obviously I cannot compete with trips to Indiana beach but we had fun and it cost nothing.

We made an epic hotwheels track thru the apartment. We collected rocks and painted them. We went to the park and hiked thru the trails.

This was Chase when he got tired, and me with a real smile. Which is rare these days.

But these boys are my world. They are back with him currently and it hurts so bad. It feels empty and quiet. Another 12 days without them.

Keep myself occupied with work. But we cannot go over and I’m usually at 40. Also kept busy with the FedEx guy. Who knew he had a crush on me as I crushes on him. Who knew he felt that connection too. Who knew I’d end up sleeping with him and who the fuck knew he’d go back to his wife.

Cannot make this shit up. My life is legit a shameless episode.

Now I need to sleep because work and the awkward encounter when FedEx comes by. And court is early Tuesday. To modify support. He is not happy. And he may not show. And I kind of hope he doesn’t.

I just need to get to Wednesday.

[feely-touchy]

Carrie was whitetail deer jumpy

Wincing when even the good good happened

Watched her life spiral

Bouncing like a hotwheel in a laundromat

Too many times to count sober

She didn't even notice when she walked around in circles

Talked around in circles

Walked around in circles

Flinched at her own shadow

Smoked the ouroboros

Burned her days from both ends

Watching her dreams roll up like smog

You could hear them in her coughs

Still stuck in some part of her lungs

Her hope was blackened by depression and compression

Like diamonds and coal but not enough

Compartmentalized and cheated on

She held a long lost love

Died out at sea

A sinking memory

Tugging on it sometimes as if it were hooked by the gills

Feeling the blood as it spills

Cheapened by cheap swill

Always enough to make her sick

But not enough to quit

So the worst's somehow seemingly yet to come

She makes sure of that

Like a sword swallower stomaching a sabre set on fire

Her bellyaching is unimaginable

She makes confidants of liars

Anyone who could tell her it gets better than this

"Just don't change anything"

But she is dancing madly in her blood circle

Playing her music so loudly she can't hear

Seeking comfort in the shadows of bad men

Anything she can be eclipsed within

Still, I believe in her

One day she will be okay

Even if it's a long and fraught journey

[randomgurustuffs]

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul?

I've been told I'm both an old soul and also that I really don't act my age.  I tell people it and they're always shocked.

2. What makes someone a best friend?

This is actually a hard one.  I'd say it's the person you most want to hang around all the time, that you're always excited to see.  

3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?

Technically my drawing tablet was a Christmas present. Sure I picked it out and everything, but I've gotten a lot of miles out of it.  I do really remember the hotwheels firestation I got once, though.  And the pajamas, but those were every year, so do they count?

4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life.

The Bible.  I'm a Christian and I read it daily.  Need I say more?

5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.

I quite like my bushy eyebrows.  Not the biggest fan of the little wart thing on my left hand.

6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with?

I certainly wouldn't mind.  I enjoy catching up with folks.

7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?

Emotional connection.  Physical attraction is the cherry on top and certainly helps, though!

8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.

[Insert any horror movie sequel here]

9. What holiday do you most look forward to?

At present, Christmas.  I get to be together with my family for an extended period, especially specific family.

10. How is the relationship between you and your parents?

It's very good.  We think in very similar ways and have similar humor.

11. You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on?

I don't watch all that much TV these days, so this is actually hard.  Hallmark?

12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy.

"So Do I"  Kenny Ball...but there are SO MANY OTHERS

13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.

He's cool.  Likes board games.

14. Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to?

Nope. Nope. And Nope.

15. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?

Not Utah.

16. Can money buy happiness?

Nope.

17. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?

Nope to all 3.  Expensive habits that are bad for you in varying degrees, plus I HATE the feeling of being buzzed-I don't like brain fog at all.  

18. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names.

Do you mean geographically close?  I don't tend to let people emotionally close if I don't trust them.

19. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?

Grandma and Grandpa's farm-especially if kittens were present.

20. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?

I don't believe I have-maybe when I was born?

21. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?

Smaller groups are more fun.

22. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?

Yes to both for the most part.

23. Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?

In early grade school, yes.  I don't believe so on bullying others.

24. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

There are a few types of food that have near infinite variability-sandwiches and soups/stews come to mind.

25. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship?

Yes-plus we both do.  *points at being a Christian*

26. Do you believe in a god?

*points at being a Christian*

27. Of all the social networks in the world, why use Tumblr?

Because this is where the cool people are that enjoy my art for some reason.

28. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track?

I don't track tags.

29. Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”

Yes.

30. Name a TV series you didn’t enjoy until after it ended.

Legend of the Galactic Heroes plus most other shows I've watched.

31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?

Once-but that was because it was the only thing that actually met a need I had

32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?

Only if there was a good public transit system and high quality passenger rail network-so never in the US.

33. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?

Stay the course but don't be as lazy.

34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit?

Not wearing a coat most of the time, I suppose.

35. What is “normal?” Are you normal?

Normal is relative.  Depends on the overall composition of a given group.

36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?

Nope.

37. What is one thing you could never forgive?

I am unsure. I'd like to say there aren't things I couldn't, but there is a difference between forgiving someone for something and not being cautious around them.  Forgive is one thing, but forget is another, much harder one.  Example: someone steals money.  I can forgive them for it, but I'm not going to as readily trust them with money until I see signs they actually won't necessarily do it again.

38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?

I'm going to stick around.

39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends? Absolutely.  Why wouldn’t it be?

40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?

Wherever is convenient for all of us-a park or event.

41. Write the first paragraph of your obituary.

[paragraph redacted due to personal information]

42. What is the best TV theme song ever.

There are so many, how can I chose?  I suppose one of the catchiest would be the old 50's Mickey Mouse Club theme.  

43. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a fighter pilot for a while.

44. When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?

Generally no.

45. What gets you out of bed in the morning?

My alarm clock-plus I have things that need doin'.

46. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?

Certainly.

47. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?

March 21st on.

48. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?

Yup.  I go stir crazy if I don't have things to do-plus I have a number of clients that respect me.

49. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work?

Yes, in one.  Mutual trust and lots of communication.  Won't be long distance for too much longer, relatively speaking.

50. What’s the best route to your heart?

My arteries.

51. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?

Many times.

52. What is your favorite sport?

I quite like football/soccer.  Used to play in highschool.

53. What has been troubling you lately?

Things I need to get done...like this list!

54. Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not?

Didn't have one.  We just had a formal dinner, which is better because good food.

55. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?

I'd like to say Logical Reasoning.  I dressed up a Spock at one point as a kid.

56. Do you know what makes you happy?

Yes.  Someone else knows too why I grin so much these days.

57. Tell me about the last book you read.

If we're talking completed, it was the Bible-but excluding the Bible a book about it.

58. What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?

Someone told me recently they felt I'd be a good spiritual leader for a family.

59. Who was your first crush?

There was this gal in grade and highschool.  I'm glad I didn't end up with her in hindsight.

60. Do you believe that there is life on other planets?

I suppose it's possible-there definitely will be once we put someone on Mars.

61. Predict what your life will look like a year from now.

I predict I'll be happily married.

62. Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.

There wasn't a last one, so ha!

63. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?

Burgerville.

64. What is something you want to change about your current situation?

I'd like to be closer geographically to a certain someone.

65. Early bird or night owl?

A bit of an early bird, really.

66. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?

A good number of them.  I'm fairly sentimental.

67. Give me an unpopular opinion you have.

Drivers licenses should require retaking the test every renewal.

68. What was the last song that was stuck in your head?

The Mickey Mouse Club theme because I just looked it up.

69. Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want.

In a desert near a large body of salt water and locals that are bad drivers.

70. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation?

Depends on the context.  Something to say they were a part of something is fine-but it's easy to go overboard.

71. What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken?

I think the leg of the roadtrip in highschoool between Vicksburg and Charleston.  But that's riding, not driving.

72. Have you ever taken part in a protest?

I haven't, no.

73. Would you ever use an online dating service?

Nope.  

74. What is your ethnic heritage?

A mess of Northern Europe.

75. Describe a person that inspires you.

My late grandfather.  I want to be more like him.

76. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?

If it meets my financial needs yes-if otherwise, no.

77. Do you believe in luck?

Nope.  Only the Lord's Providence.

78. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.

Someone I know's 'family' decided to try and throw them out on the street for physical gain.  

79. Do you want to live until you’re 100?

If I'm still me and haven't lost my marbles.

80. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?

People can change, but a big part of being in a relationship is putting in effort to communicate and understand.  It should also have a center-it's not just about what makes you happy.  Too many relationships these days are 100% selfishness.

81. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?

I haven't, no.  I was blessed enough to have it happen to me though in a way that didn't ruin anything (it was a mutual attraction).

82. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?

I think the fellowship with my best friend outweighs the non-enjoyment of an activity.  That in itself can be enjoyable.

83. Do you practice what you preach?

I do my best to.

84. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?

If the precautions are there, how would it be reckless?

85. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?

Given I find intellegence attractive on top of physical attributes...but really I find my significant other being who they are to be the most valuable (even though she is both very attractive AND intelligent).

86. Are you hard-headed?

Very.  It's a family tradition.

87. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?

Possibly.

88. When have you felt most alive?

After I was confessed to-it was incredibly relieving and wonderful.

89. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?

Edge of a small town in the mountains by the sea.

90. Do you often skip breakfast?

Nope.  I require fuel.

91. How do you know what true love is?

I think it's when two people have set their hearts and life goals on a relationship which is more than just shallow-when they've decided to stay the course through thick and thin for the other person as much or more than for themselves.

92. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?

Might make planning easier.

93. Where is ��home” for you?

Home is where I feel comfortable and with the people I care about.

94. What song best describes your life right now?

Possibly Country Bumpkin by Cal Smith.

95. Do you want to be perfect?

As Christ is perfect, yes.  It is, after all, the end goal.

96. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?

Learning piano.  Time.

97. How do you express your creativity?

Art, singing.

98. Describe your neighborhood.

A complex with nice trees.

99. Name something you only liked because it was popular.

Y'know I don't remember-I've always been contrary.

100. Give me the story of your life in six words.

A long learning process paying off.

[hedgypipes]

Monday was a great time for me personally because it was my 19th birthday, one of the things during that day was go with my parents and family to John’s Incredible Pizza and eat some Brunch there for the most part.

Some of the things I ate there were chicken and pizza with potatoes. I also did check some of the things and while some of the things stayed the same like the design and rides, alot of it has changed after me not coming to there in a long time with some of the rides attractions like the mini golf, bumper cars, and laser Dodge games feeling empty with 1 or 2 people rarely being there at all. The birthday rooms looks more like a place to integrated at by cops for a crime rather than a place to celebrate your birthday with family and friends but that’s just my opinion. The Toon Time Theatre is a great place where I used to go and eat at all the time, watching cartoons, shows, and movies in there (when they had Old Boomerang on there) when I was little, but don’t go to there due to them changing it a bit, replacing some of the old pictures of cartoon characters like Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Yogi Bear, Woody Woodpecker, Scooby-Doo, Bugs Bunny and pics of the mascot bear with movie and tv posters that are alright for the most part but it’s something that you’ll usually see everywhere else, unlike the older pictures and posters which makes them more Special and unique in some way and also some of the colors changes and what they play on the big screen in “Toon Time Theatre” doesn’t interest me like it use to, so yeah, that’s why I don’t usually go there anymore, maybe someday I’ll revisit that, but for now, Nah, it ain’t for me anymore.

I honestly did have a even better fun time playing some of the arcade games there, including Pac-Man but with a giant screen and has multiplayer, Space Invaders Frenzy that also has a giant screen and has multiplayer as well, an arcade verison of Crossy Road, a game machine where u catch popcorn balls to earn points that I love playing as a kid, an Arcade ripoff of Flappy Bird, Hot Wheels: King of the road, a Minion whack a mole game, Super Alpine Racer, Cruis���n Blast, a game where you stack up shapes to make a big tower, and Big Bass Wheel. I also did competed with my nieces and nephew on the Hotwheels arcade game with me winning every single time with one of them either winning only a single round of the game or they didn’t, probably the former. I wouldn’t say the same thing for me and my dad playing the arcade version of connect four however. We completed on there a lot with him on there with him winning almost every single time, much to my dismay but I wasn’t TOO bitter and jealous about it, at least I have fun managing to get a full win in the last round and there so it counts! After that, me, my dad, and my mom went to the Photo Booth to get our picture taken and it came out great, so we and especially mom loved it! After that, I went to play one last game in the big arcade area there, The Twister Arcade Machine or as I like to call it, “Twister: Body Torture Arcade Edition”.

I had a bit of hard time to keep up with what spots it was trying to tell put my hand or feet on with some of the spots being really hard to reach and touch without making a mistake to the point that I lost to the game a few times until I won all of the rounds because I was both flexible and also being very a lot more careful to not make a mistake, thank god I’m still flexible and able stretch my arms and legs a bit longer after all these years! 😅😮‍💨

After that, Me and Mom went on the “Typhoon” Simulator Arcade Ride since that was one I could use the last of my points on my card and we have a blast on there, flying with a toy plane that goes around a big city on the screen, a good time overall with mom having fun on it too! 😁 After that, we decided we were done playing around here and leave, but before that, I took some of the pics of the arcade games that doesn’t work anymore so that I could look at it and show it to all of you who are reading this. Looking at them now, I feel sad 😞 about how they don’t work like they used to anymore with ones that u can’t scan your card on, have a hard time trying to get your points, not function at all, or just be entirely turned off. I wish the people at John’s incredible Pizza would give them away to people especially me or refurbish them so that many people could replay them again or play it for the first time ever but I doubt that’s ever going to happen since 1: they have been getting rid of some of their old stuff as of lately concerning that I remember there used a be an broken Ice Age Ice Hockey near by but when I come back to it on my birthday, it and the rest of the stuff on it was suddenly gone, 2: even if they did decide to sell it or give them away, there will be a big catch like a high price that neither me or my family could ever afford or something to add to their collection of games and equipment, 3: I wouldn’t even know how to fix, repair, or refurbish it and my parents would definitely be against that, especially if it means that I have to pay someone to do it for a very large amount of money, 4: it would be hard for me, my family, and staff members to carry it into our car, fit it inside or on top of it, and especially fit all of them or at least one in our home or the garage with the stuff that we already have in there, and 5: I don’t think they’ll care about all of it since and also because of the fact that there are less people working than before the pandemic, they’ll probably be stuck in ruin until someone gets rid of them, sigh 😔. Hopefully Namco and Konami and many other will bring back DDR, Time Crisis, and many other arcade series like these back into the spotlight with new console and arcade games, remake/remasters, ports, and collections in the near future! But I still have fun after that. After me and my family got home, some of them left to do some errands and I was just going to the good times I have in my room, finally watching Nimona on Netflix for the very first time on my own! Well I was before one of my nieces came while I started to watch it and she decided to butt in and watch it with and while i could’ve watched by myself and told her no thanks, after saying please 🥹, I changed my mind and decided to let her watch it with me while also trying ignore her and tell her to not say any spoilers m she might tell me unintentionally or not due to my other niece warning me that she likes to spoil things a lot all the time, jokes on them however since I read a lot of times during my years at high school!!😏😏

After getting a final birthday meal that my dad got me from my restaurant one of my old childhood friends work at, I enjoyed eating the meal I have while watching the movie with my niece which wasn’t gonna be as bad as I thought it would be even though she ask too many questions and sometimes annoy and bugged me more than she should have, I still love her at the end of the day tho. After all of that, we finish the movie and we both loved it (well mostly me since she didn’t 2/3 of the movie for some reason).

My mom did got me an ice cream cake during the time I and my little niece was in the middle of watching Nimona. Hopefully I will finish it one of these days tho. Overall I would give my my 19th birthday a 9/10 for even if a few things I wanted to do didn’t go the way I wanted to, I still have fun regardless of the outcome and heck, I even got a gifts as well to including some candy and letters from my nieces, air pods pro from my mom, and Kirby’s Return to Dreamland; Fire Emblem Engage, and SpongeBob: The Cosmic Shake as well, it was honestly it was just a great day to be me!

Happy Late Birthday to Me yay!

Also: NIMONA is 10/10 and BLUE SKY NEVER DIES!!!!

[tribow]

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

If I see another video like this I'm gonna lose it.

I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! I've watched these videos, I've scrolled through the comments and all I see is a severe lack of discussion about the good racing games that have released in modern years. Have these people not played Distance? Literally the best racing game of all time. There are more racing games than Forza, Need For Speed, and Gran Turismo!

But Tribow!!!! That's not the only games people complain about! What about other franchises like The Crew, Project Cars, DIRT, GRID, and more!?! They have had bland releases as well as the other franchises! This whole genre sucks now! The only games that are any fun are the racing sims like iRacing and Asetto Corsa! Modern racing games cannot capture the essence of the PS2 era of racing games! It's ruined by corporate greed!

.....

I'm not just making up a strawman, I see the idea that there are no good racing games (especially in the arcade sub-genre) all over the comments of these youtube videos. The videos themselves talk about how racing games just aren't good anymore.

SOMETIMES, they'll talk about the indie scene and how there has been some good racing games coming out of there, but they often get dismissed as games that are too small to scratch the racing game itch due to there smaller budgets and ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

On what Earth do the indie games offer less content than the AAA slop!?! What, just because the games don't have an open-world, licensed cars, and constant repetitive events that means they have less content? The indies have just as much content without all of that fluff! Besides, the PS2 era of racing games many of these videos talk about have the same or LESS content as the modern indies.

There have been a whole slew of good, great, to AMAZING racing games released within this decade that have completely blown me away several times over. The communities playing these games love them just as much the games from the PS2 era and yet "Modern racing games suck". "Arcade racing is dead". I've had enough! There's nothing wrong with this genre!

Don't believe me? Ok.

We got Trail Out. Released in 2022 as a spiritual successor of sorts to Flat Out. Do you miss those racing games with cool crash physics and are angry that car companies don't let developers go crazy with vehicle damage? Trail Out is right there, as well as Wreckfest which released in 2018. Wreckfest has even more impressive crash physics than Trail Out does. These games have reviewed pretty positively for the most part, but they're slept on.

Miss the old arcade racing scene? There's A BUNCH of indie racers to fill that void and it's not like higher budget games haven't been coming out either. Hotshot Racing (2020 release) is a small quality package of an arcade racer reminiscent of that era. You got Formula Retro Racing (2020 release) capturing the exact vibe an arcade machine would have centered around, you guessed it, Formula 1. Inertial Drift (2020 release) is a game jam-packed to the brim with drifting content. Its got the Initial D inspiration, its got bangin eurobeat, it still gets support from its developers, the visuals are stylized as fuck. New Star GP (2024 release) has a motorsport career mode that people have been eating up. Everyone I know who has touched that game has been saying it's fire. Hotwheels Unleashed 2 (2023 release) was quite a big improvement over the first game and has way less predatory micro-transactions compared to before. This game isn't mind-blowing or anything, but it genuinely deserved the 2023 Racing Game of the Year award way more than every other nominee because it was a solid release with very little bugs and plays amazingly well. Even though it may cost a little too much ($50 ignoring DLC) it's not like Need For Speed/Forza/Gran Turismo doing any better in that department and those games are WORSE!

Ubisoft sucks unwashed cocks, but they have been keeping Trackmania alive by continuing to publish it. Nadeo still keeps the game alive with updates coming out to this very day. A few months ago they added new cars from previous Trackmania games. The subscription service is a bit cringe, but considering the game is VERY centered around multiplayer I'd say it's tolerable. They have an amazing level editor and the gameplay is still Trackmania so it's still incredible.

I'm not done talking about the classic arcade style games form the modern era. There's a bunch of racing games that go for a top-down view, but still handle just as well if not better than the high budget modern racing games that suck. Circuit Superstars (2023 release). This game is a love-letter to many different kinds of motorsports. You got cars of all types here: Formula 1, Nascar, GT racing, Supertrucks, One-seaters, Eurotrucks, Rally-cross, Open wheel single seaters, Sprint Cars, and even more. You can race the different cars against each other if you want. The game takes tire wear and weather into account. You gotta do pit-stops. It's practically a sim, but presented in a very arcade way. The same devs even making a go-kart game to represent go-kart as a sport. It's in early access right now and people love it. Super Woden GP 2 (2023 release) has been highly praised for its fun career mode. There are people saying this game is better than Gran Turismo and it was developed by a single person. art of rally (2020 release) has been praised to hell and back by fans of Rally racing. It's like it was everything they wanted. The game felt was incredible to control. Turbo Sliders Unlimited (Early Access) is similar to Circuit Superstars, but without the realism. They got different kinds of cars to mess with and many fun tracks to try. There's a super good level editor and the community has been popping off with the multiplayer. Mini Motor Racing X (2020 release) is a solid arcade racing release that despite being a small package that is admittedly average in my opinion, it's STILL better than the AAA shlop.

What about the futuristic racing games!?!? Where's the crazy sci-fi, tron, neon, cyberpunk, anti-gravity stuff? Well there's tons of those too.

BallisticNG (2018 release) is an extremely good anti-gravity racer. Wipeout fans have been praising this game for a while now. Out of anything else I mention that is inspired by Wipeout this should be the one to play, but speaking of which. Redout (2016) and Redout 2 (2022) are super inspired by the Wipeout games. The mixed reviews may scare you a bit, but these games are still pretty good. The sequel didn't meet fan expectations and the game is notoriously very difficult, but it's still a damn good time if you don't mind the difficult. It's visually gorgeous too. Neodash (2022 release) is a crazy fast survival style racing game with high speed platforming. You'll be trying to keep your momentum along ultra fast levels drifting left and right to stay on track and avoid obstacles. It's a small package and pretty difficult, but cool experience. Rocket Assault (2023 release) controls nearly the exact same way Rocket League does, but this time you're not hitting a ball around and instead you'll be occasionally shooting down targets with literal rockets while trying to survive each track. It's a pretty difficult game, but Rocket League fans should enjoy this. Speaking of which... Rocket Racing (2023 release) FUCKING FORTNITE released a competent arcade racing video game. Personally, I do not think the game is good mechanically and it was a disappointment to see Rocket League's original mechanics dumbed down this hard. HOWEVER, it's better than a lot of the AAA competitors! Fortnite's community can do some wild stuff with it because of that level editor. I'm not gonna sit here and deny that the game is competent just because I don't like it. Super Pilot (2018 Early Access) is the game that ACTUALLY plays like F-Zero GX. Some of the other games I've mentioned have been called F-Zero clones even though they play more like Wipeout, but Super Pilot is meant to feel just like F-Zero X/GX and it succeeds at that. Not only does it nail the gameplay pretty well, its got a neat level editor to mess with. Super Pilot still receives updates to this day. I'm excited to see it completed. Grip: Combat Racing (2018 release) is a fantastic release that unfortunately hit its peak with multiplayer years ago. While that playerbase isn't quite there anymore, Grip remains as one of the coolest concepts a combat racing game has ever pulled off. Even if the online doesn't pop off anymore, you can still do local co-op if you want. FAST RMX (2017 release) goes hard. For you Nintendo Switch users out there, there's a racing game that y'all should have been clamoring over. It doesn't play like F-Zero and it's not quite like Wipeout either, but it stands on its own as an extremely cool anti-grav racing game. I wish FAST RMX wasn't locked to that one console because it's amazing.

Remember the game I mentioned at the beginning? Yeah. Distance? THE BEST RACING GAME OF ALL TIME. I'm not just memeing I quite literally have 5000+ hours in that game I love it that damn much. Distance is a survival arcade racing platformer game that feels fucking amazing to play. Probably the only racing game you'll ever see daring to have sci-fi horror vibes. It's aesthetically immaculate and the gameplay is such a unique experience. The car can jump, rotate, and fly around. It has insane freedom of movement. This may sound kinda like Rocket League, Hotwheels Unleashed, or Neodash, but Distance has a different feel to it compared to those games. Plus, Distance is more or less a sequel to Nitronic Rush, which released in 2011. Its mechanics predates the other games you can compare to it. Distance isn't just some small package of an indie game though. It's huge. The Arcade mode has over 100 levels to play. There's secrets to unlock. Cheats and modes to mess with. A level editor better than any other level editor I've seen. It's practically a game engine. People (including me) have made insane stuff in the editor. You can't experience this anywhere else.

And yet, despite all of these games. Modern racing games suck now. Is it because none of these are open world? Well guess what, there's a new open world racing game coming out soon called Resistor that looks pretty dang promising. Are racing game fans just gonna sleep on that one too because it doesn't have "Need For Speed" in the title? Resistor isn't the only racing game people are looking forward to either.

There's a game called NIGHT RUNNERS that fans of Need for Speed Underground and Wangan Midnight have been frothing at the mouth about since it recaptures the vibes of those older games. It's not done yet, but the game does have a demo and many people enjoyed that experience.

In terms of F-Zero-like games we got Aero GPX and XF Extreme Formula in development. Both games look amazing and the people who have had the chance to try to it themselves are giving the games high praises.

A rally game called Old School Rally aims to recapture the vibe of SEGA's Rally as well as the old WRC rally games from the PS2 era.

There's a godamn roguelike racing game coming out called REDLINE CROOKS that looks like a chaotic top-down good time.

AND YET I'm still seeing these videos talking about modern racing games being bad. "Ooohhh the racing genre is in shambles." For the love of all that is holy PLEASE pay attention to what's happening in the scene and stop buying the dogwater coming from these tired franchises. I implore you to try any of the racing games I mentioned here if you like racing games and ESPECIALLY try Distance. In fact, Distance is pretty close to releasing its PS4/PS5 update after many many years of being unable to deliver due to many real life complications.

I didn't even talk about so many other games! Horizon Chas Turbo/Horizon Chase 2, Pacific Drive (that counts right?), Heading Out (RELEASED A WEEK AGO), Turbo Golf Racing, and even a fucking sonic fan-game called Dr. Robotnik's Ring Racers thats better than most kart racers I've played in my entire life.

PLAY DISTANCE

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I've been going back and forth about whether or not I felt emotionally able to respond to any of these posts and if so which ones and I think this is the only one that I feel the balance of "the cost of contributing vs the value of contributing" weighs out for me.

I don't think anything about my life in this area was normal, for the good and for the bad. I talk a lot on this blog about growing up queer in a queer family and the ways that was amazing and affirming and uniquely painful. Sometimes I'll even talk specifically about the gendered aspects of it. But for the most part I have just never felt like my experiences were anything like most of my community peers because of being surrounded by my community and culture all my life.

Being intersex is different tho. It mattered even when it wasn't supposed to, even when under other circumstances the social construct of it all would've been challenged by the adults in my life. Even when the adults in my life took active steps prevent it from mattering.

My mom read about Baby X when she was in her 20s, and she had a lot of opinions about it. I won't get into all of it, but suffice to say that when she decided to have a kid, she made a pact with herself that she would raise me with as few gendered expectations as she could manage, and would let me express for myself what I valued or prioritized about my relationship with gender. If someone bought toddler me clothes for my AFAB, she would go to the thrift store and buy me clothes to balance out my wardrobe, and she put me in everything with only concern for color coordination if she picked it out and only concern for what I asked for if I did. I wore dresses and suits and skirts and whatever I felt like wearing. I got baby dolls, kitchenettes, hotwheels kits, tool sets, and everything in between when Mom picked up toys. It mattered more that she could pick it up with a couple dollars from a garage sale than what it actually was. It's not like she hid gender from me (although she's apologized in years since, saying she felt like she was more explicit about telling me things from the way she wished they were, rather than always directly acknowledging others wouldn't see it that way). But I was always pretty explicitly told that I could make of my own gender and sexuality whatever I wanted.

And then puberty started. Or. Went wrong maybe. My body started changing too much, too early, and then stopped changing long before it was "supposed" to be finished. My doctors kept getting more and more anxious as I got older and kept not following the sexual development timeline they expected, or "catching up" even as they had worried and scolded and induced slowed development when I was 8 and visibly undergoing puberty.

And when I was 15, they gave me a diagnosis. Said my body was wrong. Said the only way to fix it was hormone replacement therapy. I asked why and they told me "cancer, infertility, abnormal development" as if all these things should be equally fearful to a high school sophomore. I asked them how I'd know when I could stop. They told me "when your reproductive system can do it independently" as if there was no life to be lived outside of what they decided my body should look and feel like.

I took the HRT and I cried and locked myself away when my body changed. It did what they wanted now, so my doctors were happy. They said it made me healthy. My mom didn't understand why I wanted to kill myself now though. She couldn't understand why I cared so much about "growing up". No one gave me the language to say that she had let my doctors take away my right to grow up how I wanted.

When I was in my 20s, my wife and I started talking about kids. I went to my doctor to startexploring the medical side of conceiving or raising children given my overall medical complexity, and was told that my doctors had been right to warn me about infertility, because from the looks of my reproductive system, I didn't have the capacity to reproduce. Probably never would. My hormones were "fine" now, no sign of deviance, my secondary sex characteristics (the external ones at least) had all grown in "normally", but I didn't make my half of the conceptive material. Probably never would. My doctor said I could stop the HRT now if I wanted, see if letting my body "try to run on its own" would do the trick. Warned me to plan for adoption, as if loving a child I didn't make myself was a concilation prize. I couldn't help remembering sitting in my step-mother's car in a grocery store parking lot at age 17 and sobbing to her that I just wanted them to take my reproductive system out instead of making me keep taking my medicine, and being told by a woman who raised me without birthing me that I would regret not being able to have my own kids someday because "raising someone else's child is different." I never took the meds again, and my wife and I are looking forward to adopting when my health improves enough to coparent effectively. I sometimes still have nightmares of our child being taken from us because I'm too wrong, too unacceptable, for the state to allow me to adopt. But I continue to lack any real interest in having my own child, as well as lacking the physiological capacity even if I did.

It took me a really long time to accept that I had a right to access hormone therapy that actually affirmed my body again, because I didn't feel like I was properly trans. I'd never really "lived like" a trans person. Just. Me. I didn't experience myself as "not my AGAB" or as having experienced the wrong puberty (at least not without intentional intervention) or as any of the ways that I heard trans people discussing their relationship between body and gender.

I wasn't cis either though. Not just because I'd had naturally blended secondary sex characteristics for as long as I could remember, but because I was, and had been for years, so traumatically dysphoric in my embodied experience of gender and sex presentation that I could barely exist in my physical reality anymore. Certainly cis people had never seen me as one of them, and while in my family and primary community, that had never really been a bad thing, but neither had they protected me from outsiders to our family and community deciding that it should be.

The limbo and erasure of it all felt so alienating that it's only been in the last two years that I've been able to seek medical repair of what was done to my sexual and reproductive development. It feels weird and scary to do so from my origin point, and I have to be really careful how I describe myself to my providers so I don't get put through extra checks and barriers to access my new and affirming hrt. I do feel more myself than I have in so long.

I also feel so deeply unable to talk about that process of becoming with anyone. I feel like I get misunderstood or go unheard, and I feel like people take my expression of self personally towards their identity, cis or trans. It's hard to exist in spaces of deliberate and enforced silence. It's hard to relearn how to see myself when I've never seen anyone talk about something or someone who is just. Allowed to look like me.

I find gender as a concept deeply alienating and uncomfortable. It's hard to get to the point of thinking about gender when coming to it from the perspective of someone who's first real motivation to interact with it at all came from a violent rejection of a naturally occurring atypical sexual development path that had at no point itself caused any distress or discomfort.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from intersex people how the system of perisexism/interphobia uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all perisex people to not speak on this topic and let intersex people do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who are intersex are encouraged to participate. This is not agab-locked. No matter your official diagnosis status, or your specific variation, if you are intersex, this post is for you. Even if you have already posted on the transgender posts, you may still post here. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome here.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the trans masc and trans men version of this post.

Click this to access the nonbinary version of this post.

[shaddy-bee]

I have finished playing through Ghostrunner 2 in a matter of 2 days.

My thoughts: I think the voiceover audio works better than the stilted facial animation stuff they tried to do with the hub world. Frankly it feels like there doesn't even need to be a hub world at all, but it's pretty ignorable.

The levels feel like more of the same stuff from the first game, but they spiced things up with a couple new enemy types, more collectibles to grab, and a couple new mechanics here and there which add to the variety. You are switching between like many different buttons and actions all the time in a way that feels very fun to play. Good additions to the basic concept. The augment system is really well done for what it is. There's a lot of cool modifiers, rearranging the grid as you go feels nice, and having to puzzle around where best to put things to get all the bonuses you want is a good balance between being interesting without being constricting or frustrating. Also, there's a ton of augments which let you stack combo and gain movespeed and bonuses per combo meter, along with extending dash distance and rocket jumping, I am super excited to see what the speedrun for this game does with all of that tech. I ended up just getting 20 combo and then throwing myself off a ledge with +100% movespeed but im sure people more skilled than me with be able to do a lot with it. I think I like some of the boss fights from the first game a bit more, there's not a ton of boss fights overall to be fair, but the Humanoid boss fights just feel a tad less interesting in places. That said, the bossfight on motorcycle is dope as hell. Actually, the entire motorcycle section is awesome! Feels really good to control, the fact you can jump off it and grapple back to it feels sick as hell, it's implemented well to pace out this frankly enormous level which feels like half open world and hearkens my brain back to the days of the Hotwheels game on the gamecube. Legitimately an incredibly cool addition to the game, and every level section based around it they just went super off with making it as cool as possible. The story in the first game felt a bit more tightly wound than it did in this one. I think part of that is because the way the story is happening feels a bit like you're being sent on sidequests a lot of times instead of having the same sort of linear progression feeling that the first game did. Maybe some of that is just because I didnt know the world at first and so learning more about it felt in the shoes of the character more, idk. It uses the same general engine as the first game, so a lot of the things that existed in the first game (buggy out of bounds wall runs on jank geometry, occasional walls in places that are missing proper collision, dash->slide->jump cancelling to go super fast ((very fun, best part of the first game was mastering that "mechanic"))) which is both a plus and a con in some places. All in all, I had a ton of fun with it. The roguelike mode was also surprisingly fun, though I wont likely play it much more. A lot of the fun comes from the levels themselves for me, and there seems to be limited level variety in that mode. TLDR; Bladerunner 2 is everything I wanted from a game I never knew was even being made. Big fan.

[qu-film-history-to-1968]

Week 1 Post Resubmission

Cars, My Movie

By: Brody Feigin

The most impactful movie I remember watching as a kid was Cars. My favorite memories of the film were watching Lightning Mcqueen slowly get better and better at racing as Doc Hudson taught him his ways of racing. I remember watching the entire thing and loving it since I was a little kid into hotwheels and cars. Of course, I loved the Cars movie. I loved all the sequels and now assume they are done with making more of them. When rewatching the movie, I honestly didn’t forget many things; nothing is really different from what I remember. It just gives me this sense of nostalgia and gives me memories from my childhood. I think that all the Cars movies were so impactful that I can still remember almost every detail of the film. 

The only thing that changed was now I could understand the lessons the movie taught and pick them apart, whereas when I first watched it as a kid, they sort of flew over my head. What this shows me about history is that we as humans forget many things and just remember the main parts of most things. For example, I didn’t remember many side characters and insignificant events. However, the small events and unimportant characters can sometimes be the most important, as that’s where the lessons can sometimes be hidden in the movie. In Robert Ebert’s review, he states, “The message in "Cars” is simplicity itself: Life was better in the old days when it revolved around small towns where everybody knew each other, and around small highways like Route 66, where you made new friends, sometimes even between Flagstaff and Winona. This older America has long been much beloved by Hollywood. It survives in Radiator Springs as a time capsule". This resonated with me as it makes sense how it also appeals to parents since the parents who watch it with their children grew up in “the good old days.”

Additionally, a user review on Metacritic says, “Simply put. Pixar is at its best. Seeing a Pixar film once again directed by John Lasseter is a joy. And what better way to say goodbye to an old Pixar friend(Joe Ranft) than this? He will be greatly missed. It has that Bug’s Life feel to it. Everything you love about Pixar is here. The voices go well with the characters. And the music is just beautiful. It is nice to Hear Randy Newman’s score again grace a Pixar film. It is an Instant classic. Go see it”. Although I am biased with the Cars movies, as I love them all, they still hold up to this day.

Works Cited

Ebert, Roger. “Cars Movie Review & Film Summary (2006): Roger Ebert.” Cars Movie Review & Film Summary (2006) | Roger Ebert, 8 June 2006, www.rogerebert.com/reviews/cars-2006. 

Metacritic. “Cars.” Metacritic, 9 June 2006, www.metacritic.com/movie/cars. 

[taivansupremacy]

16 from promo list 3 with robin? (preferably robin pov if u do that) :)

12 Years

Summary: You and Robin had been friends since kindergarten and always dreamed of escaping Hawkins together. As senior year comes to an end, Robin decides that putting distance between would be best for the both of you.

Prompt: We’ve been friends since childhood, and I’ve accepted that we’re just not meant to be. I’ve moved on and encouraged you to follow your dreams. I didn’t know that your dream was me.

Word count: 4,161

A/N: this was so hard to write omg i kept scrapping things and rewriting. i like how it turned out though, so I hope you do too! as always, feedback, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated!

CW: Swearing, implied homophobia, pining

August 1975 

You and Robin scrambled off the bus on your first day of second grade and skipped back to your neighboring houses hand in hand. You had been best friends since you moved to Hawkins two years prior. The girl with sandy blonde hair showed up on your doorstep with a handful of Hotwheels cars and a smile, inviting you to go play in her backyard treehouse. From there, you were attached at the hip. You played at each other’s houses after school, had sleepovers just about every weekend, played at recess together, and ate lunch side by side in the school cafeteria. Robin Buckley was your best and only friend and you were her’s. Neither of you were very good at making friends outside of each other and this school year was no different. No one wanted to play with you at recess or sit with you at lunch. The other kids weren’t mean to you and Robin, per se, they just ignored you and declined your invitations to play. 

“Race ya?” Robin challenged with a competitive glint in her eye when you stopped in front of her house. 

“But you always win, Robin!” You groaned. 

“I’ll ease up this time, I swear!” She held out her pinky finger and you hooked your own around it, satisfied with her promise. 

“Ready, set, go!” You shouted, bolting out in front of Robin and making a beeline for the treehouse in the Buckley’s backyard; your special place. You quickly climbed the ladder and threw the door open, taking a seat on the wooden floor when you reached the top. 

“I win!” You announced proudly when Robin finally made it up the ladder. 

“For once,” the blonde quipped with a playful smile as she took a seat beside you and reached for one of her toy cars, passing you your favorite Barbie doll in the process. 

You started to carefully brush the doll's hair with a plastic comb as Robin rolled her car on the wood floor, making engine noises and occasional honking sounds as she played. 

“Hey, Rob?” You interrupted her playing with a gentle tap on her shoulder. 

“Yeah?” She turned to you, letting her toy car fall to the floor. 

“What do you think second grade will be like?” 

“Just like every other year,” She shrugged, “We’ll eat lunch and play at recess together every day and learn math and reading,” She scrunched her face up at the last part, already dreading the academics that lie ahead. 

“But we aren’t in the same class this year. You’ll still be my friend, right? Even if you meet new friends in your class?” 

She nodded, “I promise I’ll be your best friend forever,” She sealed her promise by holding her pinky finger out and linking it with yours, “no matter what.”

March 1986

Robin watched you from across the hall as you laughed with one of your friends at your locker. In the crowded hallway, it was too loud to hear your laughter, but she could hear it in her head, having made you laugh enough over the past 12  years that it was ingrained in her brain. She missed the sound of it, just as much as she missed being the one to draw it out of you. You two hadn’t spoken in weeks. It was her own fault, but it still hurt all the same. Over your years of friendship, Robin developed feelings for you that only got stronger year after year. At first, her feelings were easy to push down and ignore in order to convince herself that nothing’s changed. But over the years, her feelings grew until somewhere along the way, they blossomed into a love and adoration that she couldn’t ignore anymore. 

With the last few months of senior year coming up quickly, Robin decided that it would be best for both you and her if she kept her distance. Maybe then, you wouldn’t plan on attending Hawkins Community College instead of a big fancy university outside of Indiana like you always dreamed of so you could stay here with her. Just because she couldn’t afford to get out of Hawkins didn’t mean that she should hold you here. She also thought that putting some distance between you may also allow her crush on you to fizzle out so she could focus on girls that she actually had a chance with. Unfortunately, she still found herself staring at you when she saw you in the hallways or in classes that she shared with you and Steve teased her relentlessly for it.

“Robin, you need to either go over there or stop gawking at y/n.” Steve said as he leaned against the locker beside Robin’s, “You should just tell her, you know? This whole thing is so stupid.” 

Robin slammed her locker shut and frowned as she turned to glance at you just as you linked your arm with your friend’s and walked in the direction of your next class. 

“It’s not stupid, Steve. She needs to get out of Hawkins. I can’t be the one holding her here,” She sighed as the pair walked away from her locker, “And as for the crush that you insist I just come clean about, there is no good outcome. Either she rejects me and thinks I’m a creep, or she likes me back and ends up staying in Hawkins so we can be together… I’m doing it for her.” 

“Don’t give me that bullshit. You and I both know that not talking to you is hurting her more than it’s helping her.”

“Oh yeah, she looked real distraught just now,” Robin rolled her eyes as she and Steve found their seats in their next class. 

He leaned over to her as soon as they got settled, “That’s not fair Robin. You see her for 30 seconds a day, max. And you don’t even talk to her! You have no idea how she really feels.”

He was right, Robin had no idea how you felt and the thought of that broke her heart. It had only been a few weeks, but she wasn’t sure that she even knew you anymore. You always said that a person could change a lot in a matter of weeks and she wondered if that was true of you. 

**** 

When Steve dropped her off at her house after school, she lingered in the car for a minute as she eyed your house next door. Your car wasn’t in the driveway yet; she had beaten you home. She thanked Steve and waved at him as he backed out of her driveway before turning toward her backyard and running to the treehouse. 

She sat on the wooden floor that was once littered with plastic cars, crayons, coloring books, and dolls. As the years passed, the cluttered floors became cluttered walls as you and Robin tacked photos of the two of you and posters of your favorite artists and movies to the wooden walls of the treehouse. The keep out sign from your childhood remained on the window for 12 years as a reminder of the origins of your friendship. The warm feeling that looking at the haphazardly drawn sign used to give her was replaced with so much sadness that she almost considered taking it down, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually do it. 

The treehouse remained your special place throughout middle and high school and even though you weren’t speaking, Robin still considered it your place and went there when she was missing you. She often practiced her trumpet up there or did her homework as soft music played from her cassette player, things that you used to do together, but found they were much more lonely without you there to whisper the answers to a math problem, slip your own cassettes into the player to show her new music, or be her audience as she practiced a new song for band.

Today, she decided that she would do her English homework and pulled out her copy of The Great Gatsby as she put her favorite mixtape, the one you made her, in the player and started to read. Suddenly, she heard a thud that made her jump as the treehouse door was pushed open. Your head popped through the door in the floor and your eyes went wide as you noticed Robin sitting there. 

“I-I’m sorry,” You stuttered, “It seems that we both had the same idea… I’ll just-” She motioned back down the ladder and started climbing down. 

Robin should have let you go, she knew that, but that was the first thing that you had said to her in weeks and she craved more. 

“No!” She shouted, startling you once again, “This is our special place, which means that it belongs to you too, right?” You nodded in response, “Okay, then you have a right to be here too. We can share the space.” 

You looked at her with furrowed brows, almost as if you thought that Robin’s offer was a trap, “Are you sure you don’t mind? I was just going to do my homework, but I can just go do it in my room or at the library…”

“I don’t mind, really.”

You nodded as you pulled yourself up onto the wooden surface. You took a seat beside Robin in the spot you’ve been sitting in for as long as you can remember and pulled out your calculus textbook and a pencil, setting the book on the floor and starting on your assigned problems. 

The two of you sat in tense silence for about 20 minutes before you broke it, “I’m sorry. I know we’re supposed to be doing our homework in here like you haven’t been avoiding me for weeks, but I just can’t.” Your voice broke a bit and so did Robin’s heart, “I guess I’m just confused about why.  Why do you want to just ignore 12 years of friendship? Did I do something?” 

Robin closed her book on her index finger, using it to mark her page. She racked her brain for something, anything to say that would be at least adequate enough to convey her reasoning and make you understand without fully pouring her heart out. 

“If I did something, Rob, you have to tell me so I can fix it.” You reached out and rested your hand on her knee, a gesture that you did over and over again when Robin still wanted to talk to you and be close to you. The blonde jerked away from your touch as soon as your hand landed on her skin. She forgot how warm your hands were and how freely you showed your affection through touch. 

Tears prickled in your eyes as Robin pulled away from your hand, “Oh, I see,” You got up and started packing your things, “I guess this was a mistake, then.” 

“No, y/n, wait,” Robin reached out for you as you bent down to pull the door open to exit. 

“Why should I?” You spat, throwing your hands in the air, “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks with no explanation and when I finally ask you for one, you’re silent and you jump away from me like I’m some stranger and not your best friend of 12 years… Do you know how much that hurts, Robin?” 

“I’m sorry, y/n/n,” She stood up and walked to you, “I just think that it’s best that we go our separate ways.” 

“Best for who, Robin? Because I know it’s not best for me.” You scoffed, “You don’t even know the hell I’ve been through since you started avoiding me. So don’t give me that shit.”  A moment of silence passed as Robin thought about your words, “What about our pact? Best friends forever no matter what,” You whispered, “We pinky swore.” 

You knew how childish you sounded, but you meant it when you made that pact all those years ago, and you thought Robin did too. Now you weren’t so sure. 

“That was 11 years ago,” Robin mumbled as she stared down at her feet. 

“It was a promise.” 

“A promise that we made in second grade is not as important as your future, y/n!” Robin snapped and immediately regretted her tone when she looked up to find hurt written on your features. 

“What do you mean, my future?” 

“You can’t go to Hawkins Community College, y/n. Not when you’ve gotten accepted to universities outside of this shithole town and dreamed of getting out of here since middle school.” She examined your face, imploring you to understand, “I know that we dreamed of getting out together and you only want to go to the community college because that’s where I have to go, but I can’t let you do that.” 

“You don’t get to make that decision for me, Rob,”  You said softly, stepping toward her and taking her hands in yours, “You matter to me more than some stupid university or even getting out of Hawkins. We’ll get out together in a few years. I think the past few weeks have shown that I can’t live without you, anyway,” 

Robin was frustrated. She needed you to just understand and continue as you were for the past few weeks. In all honesty, she thinks she would rather you find out about her crush and think she was a creep rather than have you stay here in Hawkins for her. 

“I have to confess, I haven’t been quite honest with you either,” You said, looking down at your hands that were laced with Robin’s. You twisted one of her rings around her finger as you stared. 

Robin was taken aback. What could you possibly have to tell her? 

“Remember when I told you that I didn’t think I was going to have a date to prom because there was no one that I liked?” 

“Yeah,” Robin replied with furrowed brows. 

“Well, that was a lie. There is someone that I like, but I’m not entirely sure that they’d like me back.”

Robin wondered why you were acting like this was such a big deal. She didn’t exactly think that you having a crush was big news. You’ve had plenty of crushes before, even some that you’ve initially lied to her about until you were ready to tell her. She listened intently anyway, as she deemed anything that you had to say important. 

“See, I want to go to prom with you, but not as friends like we had planned to before…you know.” 

“What? You like me?” Robin asked bewildered. She was rendered speechless, which wasn’t a common occurrence for the blonde. 

You mistook her question for a judgemental one and recoiled a bit, refusing to look up at her. You knew she was a lesbian. She had told you when you were sophomores, so you knew that it wasn’t the concept of liking girls that she disapproved of, just your crush on her. Even so, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie to her, so you pressed on. 

“Yeah, I have for about a year now, actually.” You let out a nervous laugh, “After not talking to you for a few weeks, I guess I just wanted to tell you because I realized that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I lost you without telling you how I really felt about you…”

You were just about to gather your things and go, assuming that your confession had gone south, when Robin surprised you. 

“I like you too,” She whispered, finally feeling the weight lift off her shoulders at the confession, “That’s part of the reason why I was avoiding you.” 

Your head snapped up and your eyes settled on Robin, who wore a shy smile. 

“You dingus,” You giggled, pulling her into a tight hug. 

You buried your head in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent, her strawberry shampoo mixed with her musky perfume. It was your favorite smell in the world and hugging her was your favorite feeling. Robin was always your lifeline, your rock, especially through middle and high school when the struggles of pre-teenagehood and teenagehood started to set in. She was there for every fight with your parents, every breakup, and every bully that made you cry and being without her for weeks made you feel like a part of you was missing. Hugging her felt like she was putting you back together. She tried to pull away, butt you held on, basking in the feeling for another minute before letting her go. 

“What?” Robin laughed, her arms still wrapped around your waist, even after you pulled away from the hug. 

“You stopped talking to me for weeks because you like me? Sometimes, you’re a mystery to me, Buckley.” 

“And because I didn’t want to be the reason that you stayed in Hawkins!” She defended, “You’re definitely not going to consider leaving Hawkins after graduation now, are you?” 

You shook your head, “Nope, not until you do. You need to stop stressing about that and just be here with me. I’m happy with my decision.” You reassured her. 

“But you got accepted to that university in California that you’ve been excited about since middle school and I don’t want to be the reason that you lose that chance o-or the reason that you’re stuck in Hawkins for the rest of your life! You don’t deserve that. You deserve to get out of here and find a safe space for people like us, maybe even find someone that knows what its like to be able to freely kiss a girl and-” Robin’s rambling was cut off by your lips on her’s. 

Robin was addicted to your kiss the moment your lips collided with yours. Your lips tasted like your favorite chapstick, the one that she was always borrowing from you, but she decided that it tasted better on your lips than it did from the tube. Your arms were wound around her neck and pulled her closer to you as your lips moved in sync. She chased your lips when you pulled away and a pretty blush rose to her cheeks, hiding her freckles. 

“I don’t mind waiting a few years if it means I get to be with you. California is my dream, but so are you, Robin Buckley.” You pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose, “You’re my most important dream.” 

July 1988

“Is that everything?” Steve asked as he picked up a box labeled “kitchen.” 

You and Robin had gone to Hawkins Community college together for your freshman and sophomore years. You lived at home the first year and saved up enough to be able to split rent on a dingy little apartment near campus for your second year. Finally, after two years of dating, two years of college, and one year of living together, you and Robin could afford to move to New York and transfer to a small college there. While it wasn’t exactly California, it wasn’t Hawkins and it was a safe for you and Robin, and thats what mattered most. As excited as you were to finally be free of the shithole that is Hawkins, Indiana, you dreaded saying your goodbyes. 

“I think so,” Robin said as she scanned the apartment for anything that you may have forgotten. 

You emerged from your bedroom with a smile and a mischievous glint in your eye, “Robin, my love, why was your Like a Virgin cassette in the bathroom drawer?” You giggled, wiggling the cassette tape in your hand as your walked toward your girlfriend.

Steve stifled a laugh as he walked out the door with the moving box.

“I like to listen to it in the shower when you aren’t home…” She blushed as you wound your arms around her middle. 

“You almost left it here,” You pointed out, “I’m sure the next renters would have loved to get a copy of a Madonna cassette for free with the apartment.”

“You are insufferable!” She joked, lightly pushing you away, “Come on, lets get out there before Steve gets impatient.” 

“Alright, Madonna. Let’s go.” 

Robin turned around and gave you a playful glare as you walked out the door. 

As you reached the moving truck outside, Steve was loading the last box into the back of the truck.

“Well… if that was the last box, then I guess you guys are gonna get out of here soon, huh?” He asked as he hopped down from the bed of the truck. 

You nodded, “Yeah. We have to drop by our parents’ houses then we’ll be on the road.” 

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” He smiled sadly at the two of you, standing in front of him hand in hand, “But I’m happy for you, I really am.” 

You and Robin responded with a bone crushing hug that Steve immediately returned with just as much fervor. 

“Don’t forget to call when you get to your new apartment and at least once a week,” Steve said as he pulled away from the hug and wiped stray tears from his cheeks. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, you dingus,” Robin let out a watery laugh. 

“I guess this is uh… goodbye, then.” 

“Goodbye for now,” You reassured him with a steady hand on his shoulder before hopping in the driver’s seat of the moving truck. 

After giving Steve one more hug, she followed suit and tearily slid into the passenger’s seat. You planted a hand on her thigh and rubbed her thumb over her knee as you made your way to your old street. 

After another teary goodbye to each of your parents, Robin stopped you with a hand on your shoulder as you started back toward the moving truck. 

“Let’s see the treehouse, you know, just one more time.” She said as hot tears slid down her cheeks. 

You nodded as you wiped her tears with your thumb and took her hand, heading toward the Buckley’s backyard. As soon as you cleared the ladder, you walked around, inspecting the relics from your childhood and teenagehood. Polaroid pictures of you and Robin, posters, and childhood drawings and coloring pages were still tacked securely to the wall, but faded over time. A box of toy cars and barbie accessories rested on one of the shelves, tucked away. An old cassette player sat on the floor where you and Robin used to sit and and empty box that once housed your cassettes laid next to it. 

“I think this is the only place in Hawkins that I’m going to miss,” Robin said as she picked up your favorite Barbie doll from elementary school, “We made so many memories in here…” 

“We had our first playdate in here,” You chuckled as you thumbed through a photo album that contained pictures of you and Robin from elementary thoroughhigh school. 

“And our first kiss,” Robin whispered in your ear as she came up behind you wrapped her arms around you, looking at the photos over your shoulder. 

You set the photo album down and turned around in her arms to look at her. Your arms wrap around her neck as you stare up at her lovingly, “What are we going to do without our special place?” 

Robin smiled at you warmly, “We’ll be okay without it,” She assured you. “We’ll find a new special place in New York and we can always come back to this one when we visit our parents.” 

You nodded and pressed a light kiss on her cheek before pulling away from her grasp to pick up the photo album again. You eyed the treehouse window, where the keep out sign was still hung and smiled to yourself. This place was the physical embodiment of your relationship with Robin. It had relics from every stage of your friendship and your relationship up to this point. Logically, you knew that you and Robin had a special history without all of the things that the treehouse held, but not being able to come back and see it whenever you wanted broke your heart. 

“Come on, love,” Robin ghosted a hand over your back, “Let’s get on the road before it gets too dark.” 

You nodded and descended the ladder with one final glance at your special treehouse. Once you were back in the moving truck, you placed the photo album in Robin’s lap for her to hold as you drove. You realized that the dream that you and Robin came up with in that old treehouse was finally coming true years later, and although you couldn’t strap the treehouse to the top of your moving truck and bring it to your new home, having Robin by your side would be more than enough because the treehouse wasn’t your special place, she was and she would continue to be for years and years to come. 

[littlethingwithfeathers]

I will preface this by saying I'm a cis woman. But I did get there by a long road of thought. Back in the 90s and early 2000s, there wasn't a breadth of knowledge or verbiage surrounding gender, so a lot of concepts I'm familiar with now weren't things I had access to. So... bear that in mind, please. As a child, I didn't mind being a girl. My family wasn't overly pushy about gender. I got to do whatever activities and play with whatever toys and dress however I pleased. So that was ballet... but I also tried basketball. It was My Little Ponies (the 90s ones) and dollhouses, but also Hotwheels cars and a flame-patterned bike. It was flowy dresses and elegant gowns when the time came to be fancy, but usually overalls and plaid shirts for school. I liked pockets. But as I got older... there started to be rules about being a girl. (I was raised Southern Baptist in Alabama, for some context) Don't tell a boy you like him. It looks desperate at best and lewd at worst. Don't be loud. You should learn to cook. You should go into a field where it's okay if you take a year or two off for kids. Be ready to abdicate control of your life to your husband when you marry. Don't go out with all male company if you're a girl because it makes you look easy. Don't wear shorts that are too short but also why are you wearing pants? It's summer! The most confusing thing that people kept saying was "You're so much like your dad! You are just the spitting image of him" but then would turn around and say "Girls can't do that." If I'm so much like him, why can't I be treated like him? And as I got even older it was policing my physical upkeep. Don't cut your hair because boys don't like short hair. Don't wear those shoes or you'll look like a slut. Don't show off too much skin, but make sure your legs are shaved because otherwise you'll look like a *whispers* lesbian... Everything through the hetero gaze and everything about how my femininity appeared to men. Men who, as far as I could tell, didn't give a single shit. And these weren't even things from my parents... this was all of society around me. My female peers were also super controlling of my behavior on account of my being a woman/girl. Don't talk to my boyfriend without me there. You slept over at a guy's apartment? You traveled with a guy BY YOURSELF??? Ultimately it was exhausting. And I didn't resonate with any of it or what the endgame was... that I end up in a monogamous relationship with the only person I'd ever have sex with, with my life ultimately serving whatever he needed or wanted. No personal finances. No career or ambitions outside of curling my whole being around someone else. And kids and kids and kids and kids. If this was the only way to be a woman... I was out. Now back to the top... this was before I'd ever heard the term nonbinary or learned anything about being trans or more than two genders or anything. I think if I'd known, there's a good chance I might've spent a bit identifying as some flavor of nonbinary. But I didn't have that verbiage... And the truth was and still is... I'm not nonbinary. I identify as cis-female and always have, but that is SUCH a broader umbrella than I was ever led to believe. There are so many ways to be a woman in this world, and at the end of the day, you are one when you decide you want to be one and you get to decide how that goes. For me... I weirdly ended up MORE """"traditionally feminine""""" than before because now I get to choose it on my terms for my own reasons. I love to cook. I love to be a caretaker. But not because I'm in service to a husband, but because I'm part of a team of partners caring for our space and for each other. And I am absolutely not trying to talk you out of identifying as something other than cis. Not even a little bit. @saintjosie posed the best questions ever and you should take that advice to heart. I just really resonated with your question because I could see 20-year-old me asking the exact same thing if I was 20 now and not in the early 2000s. Cheers friend.

Hi!

I wanted to ask you how do you feel about your womanhood?

I am a cis woman and am currently questioning my gender. I don't hate to be referred to as a woman, but I don't really like it either? Idk "just" being a woman feels kinda stifling ig? But I don't know whether that's just normal or not, so I thought I'd ask someone who actively chose to be a woman.

This is not a troll or anything! I'm just genuinely curious and a little bit confused.

i believe you’re not a troll so i’ll answer in good faith!

first, i didn’t actively choose to be a woman, i just let myself stop acting like a man.

second, you’re asking the wrong question. whatever i say to you about my gender isn’t going to be the same thing another woman says to you about hers and won’t necessarily make sense to you about yours (whatever yours may be).

the questions you should be asking yourself instead are

what are the things about the way i see my gender right now that i love?

what are the things about the way i see my gender right now i hate?

what are some things that i want to do but feel like don’t fit within the current definition of my gender?

do i need to reframe my current understanding of my gender or do i need to find a new understanding of my gender?

when i asked myself these questions i realized that i love femininity. and i also realized that i love androgyny. but the one that took me the longest to understand and was the most confusing was that i also love masculinity but in the way a woman is masculine.

once you have a better understanding of what you would like to keep and then what you would like to change, then the next thing to do is try those things. try em out just for fun and see what you like and what you don’t.

it’s a process and it should be fun so have fun with it!