#i was manually reblogging this for half of it

[dark-twist-fairytales]

To prev: 16 times. On purpose.

I love that loving someone can come naturally in so many forms, and you won't even know that you're the source of their smiles on bad days.

And I love my friends so much.

one of the greatest tragedies in life is that you will always be loved more than you will ever know. someone in class finds your presence inviting and warm, even if you’ve only ever exchanged a few words with them—maybe none at all. someone on the street loves your smile and it gets them down the next few streets. someone you used to be friends with still wishes to fondly call your name. someone you used to be friends with five years ago would give anything to be in the same room as you today. someone who regularly comes into work is disappointed when you aren’t there to brighten their day. someone missed you today. someone noticed you were gone. someone loves you when you’re there; someone loves you when you’re nowhere to be found at all. you think you have always disappeared when you’re no longer in the picture, but you’ve never left the frame.

[pepprs]

ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting

[emchante]

happy trails

masterlist | requesting rules

summary: late at night in your hotel room, you and daniel have a bit of fun; involving you sucking and jerking him off. you can’t help but pay attention to his happy trail after he finishes though, his release accentuating the dark hair perfectly.

WARNINGS: 18+ content, porn without plot, oral (m receiving), manual stimulation, cum play, focuses on daniel’s happy trail (putting just incase)

w.c: 900+

a/n: this is a very self indulgent blurb. daniel’s happy trail is SO attractive to me, so i wanted to write a little something that focused on it. hope you all enjoy, and don’t forget to tell me your thoughts via comment, reblog or ask. and remember requests are open!

your hand moved with a slow, deliberate rhythm, wrapped tightly around daniel’s length. you could feel every twitch and pulse under your touch.

the room was filled with the sounds of your praises, mixed with daniel’s pants and heaves, which where heavy and ragged. mingled with the slick, obsence sounds that was coming from your small hand sliding up and down his shaft, it felt like you were both caught in a scene straight out of a pornographic film.

daniel’s head was tipped back against the couch of your shared hotel room, eyes half-lidded as he gazed down at you between his legs. a low groan escaped his lips as your thumb teased his sensitive tip, spreading the precum that was starting to leak from it. his hips involuntary jerked, silently begging for more of your touch, and it only made you smirk with enjoyment.

surprising him, you leaned in closer and your hot breath fanned over his swollen tip. daniel’s eyes widened momentarily, body tensing before his eyes were screwed shut; letting out a long groan as you kitten licked the slit of his leaking cock.

tasting the saltiness of his precum on your tongue, you moaned around his tip and looked up at him through your lashes. daniel couldn’t help but let his hips jerk up against your lips once again, a whine escaping him as he became more desperate.

moving your hand to the base of his cock, gripping it and steadying him as you took him in your mouth. your eyes rolled back as you felt your tongue glide over the veins of the underside of him, moaning gently around him as daniel bucked his hips right up into your face, hands gripping the couch as he tried to control himself.

you began to work daniel deeper; hollowing your cheeks, alternating between a slow, languid pace and a faster, harsher one. daniel couldn’t keep his hands to himself for much longer, one of his large hands moving to your hair; tangling his fingers in it as he made a makeshift ponytail for you to keep taking him.

daniel gasped your name, hips rocking forward as he chased the heat of your mouth. gripping your hair tighter, he held your head in place as he started to thrust up into your face, making you take every inch of him down your throat as you choked around his cock.

it didn’t take long for you to get daniel to the edge, and it was made obvious with many signs; his erratic breathing, his hips bucking with a more desperate rhythm, his voice breaking into breathy moans— it was all signs of daniel reaching his limit.

with one last deep suck, you pulled off of him, looking up to him as you allowed your hand to keep working at his shaft, a fast pace in motion to push him over the edge.

the contrast of your cold hand compared to your hot mouth against his wet skin caught him off guard, his body arching beneath you as he let out broken moans, and whiny chants of your name. you squeezed his length once more, whispering a low “come for me”, and that was all it took for daniel to finish.

his whole body tensed, a low, guttural moan escaping his lips as his release spilled out, thick and hot, pooling across his toned stomach. you watched with a lazy smile as the spurts of his cum slowed to a drip, his body quivering from the aftershocks. daniel’s chest heaved with every breath, glistening with sweat in the dim light. the sheen of sweat clung to him, emphasising the curves of his muscles, and contrasting with the dark hair that decorated his body.

moving your eyes down, you watched the way his cum glistened against his stomach, trailing down over the dark line of hair that led down to his navel downward— a part of daniel that you had became obsessed with. his happy trail was something you found irresistible, a teasing invitation for your mouth to follow. you leaned down, your warm breath against his skin, and let your tongue trace over the dark, soft line, enjoying the way his muscles twitched beneath you.

starting just below the navel, you licked slowly up, feeling the coarse hair against your tongue, tasting the mix of his salty sweat and release. you took your time, allowing your tongue to explore every ridge and hollow, as if you were mapping him out. your tongue followed the faint line of hair, cleaning up every last drop of him. you savoured the way his happy trail felt against you, a deliciously rough contrast to the slickness of his warm skin.

after you had licked up the warm release from his stomach, you placed a soft kiss against his abs before you leaned back on your knees, looking up at daniel. his hooded eyes were staring down at you, and his hand lazily came out to cup your face; and he stroked the apple of your cheek softly. you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes momentarily before you heard daniel let out a lazy sigh.

“my good girl,” he muttered, sounding absolutely spent from the events that had just occurred. you smiled up at him, moving your face to press a kiss against the palm of his large hand before standing yourself up, moving to daniel’s side and cuddling into him, letting him recover as you peppered him with kisses and affection.

[drtanner]

You know, I think I'm starting to understand why the sharing culture on this site is such dogshit now.

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I spent several solid hours going through my art and writing tags as far back as 2012 and manually deleting everything I found, including all of my own reblogs, because I don't expect my opt out from having my blogs' data scraped to be honoured, and seeing the difference in the way people interacted with my work back then and the way they interact with it now (or the way they don't interact with it at all, more specifically) was deeply and tragically enlightening.

tl;dr, despite having had a fraction of the followers back then that I have now, as well as being an objectively better artist and writer than I used to be 10+ years ago, my work travelled further and people engaged with it more, and they also sent me asks with drabble prompts and questions about my OCs all the time, whereas none of that happens at all anymore. This place was a lot more communal back in that pre-2016 era and generally a lot more rewarding and fun.

There's been plenty of posts going around over the last few years begging people to reblog because that's how this site works, but every one of those posts always winds up lousy with people saying they just click "Like" on things because they like them but not enough to put them on their own blog, or because they don't want to clutter their blog, or because tagging things is too much effort or whatever, and I'm noticing a pattern. There's something that all of these common responses have in common:

All of these people are wholly concerned with themselves and the way their blog looks, or what their blog is supposed to be for, or some other similarly entirely self-centred point of focus.

Listen. Other people have already tried to explain to you that that's not what this place is about or what this place is for or that you can make as many sideblogs as you want if you're trying to curate something specific, and they've had little success in emparting understanding to you, so I'm going to try a different approach.

Here are ten (10) benefits of reblogging that will make this site more fun and engaging for you, personally! ( b ._.)b

You get to keep the thing for yourself, but you also get to pass it along for other people to play with, too! Best of all worlds. How often do you get to keep a thing and share it?

Look in your Activity after you reblog something you enjoy to find other people who like the same things that you do! This is a terrific way to find new people to follow.

Sometimes you'll make a comment when you reblog something and later find that an awful lot of strangers are reblogging it from you directly for some reason. This is usually because someone else later down the line made a much stupider and worse comment and those strangers are now all clicking on your reblog so that they can reblog the post without that other person's stupider and worse comment on it. I like it a lot when this happens. You can get a lot of new followers this way, too!

Even if you don't have the time or spoons to play with jpegs like dolls yourself, your reblog can put the post in front of those folks who do. Playing with jpegs like dolls is half of what makes this site function; give it a bit of time, and the jpegs will cross your dash again with new additions. As it is with anything you love, set it free, and the love will come back to you one hundredfold. 💜

Look in your Activity after reblogging some art or writing to see people going nuts in the tags. You can also go nuts in the tags if you want; everyone loves seeing this when it happens, especially the artist or writer themselves.

Commenting with your reblog is like raising your hand to share your opinion with the whole room, whereas reblogging with your comment in the tags is more like whispering to the person next to you and keeping it between yourselves. Contrary to what you might have been told by others, both are perfectly fine and good and they each have their place. You can do both on the same reblog, even! Take part in the conversation!

If you're too shy to talk, reblogging without commentary is a lot like parallel play. You're all enjoying the same thing quietly together!

When you reblog things a lot, you'll start to see the same people popping up in your Activity feed all the time. These people are your friends whether you actually talk to them or not.

Stuck for something to say? Point out something you liked about the post! It can be something small! Acknowledging things that make you happy out loud is good for your mental health and also your soul.

Reblogging also invites other people who are doing all of these things to find and follow you!

There's so much to do on here beyond checking your dash and occasionally looking at the For You tab. You can discover all kinds of people and things by making a bit of an effort and having a poke around in your Activity feed and on the blogs of people who interact with the posts you're seeing and passing along! I promise you don't need an algorithm to do this for you; the action of exploring the landscape around you on this website is fun in its own right!

Get out there and see who your neighbours are. 💜

[purezentomaiku]

idon't think spotify really does a "true shuffle" (unfortunately) but these are what it gave me:

as for tags... uhh @ramtiger @criminal-sen @katkitattack @cobaltboba @stagsprite @funeralopolis666 @ramenheim @cryptidanathema and/or anyone else who wants to do it

Challenging you all!

Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!

Then tag Tumblr friends to keep the game going!

[marzipanandminutiae]

Since you recently reblogged that post about women's clothing, here's what the OP said in her tags in a post about defending corsets/skirts/parasols - needless to to say your tags about them hating people who enjoy those kinda things were spot-on

-------------------------

Good fucking god.

Yeah, I read the whole post in your other ask with the link (I'm not adding it because frankly I don't need more of this horseshit in my life). It was basically them taking someone commenting on the OVERWHELMING trend in historical fiction of making all women who have anything of value to say absolutely despise Gross Icky Skirts and Corsets And (in at least one case I've seen) Parasols

(while also making them baseline Modern Feminine AttractiveTM, and that's definitely a facet of the conversation worth having, too. oh, your heroine eschews corsets because she's Liberated? funny because her tits look perfectly supported. forming cleavage, even. almost like she's. wearing a bra. and her hair, that is loose and not pinned up because Hair Up = Repression is perfectly iron-curled and magically never in her way. hmmmmm.)

and this person responded to that sarcastically like "YEP YOU'RE RIGHT IT WAS ALL FINE AND DANDY FOR 100% OF WOMEN FOREVER!!! THAT'S TOTALLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!! HEEHEE I PUT YOUR POST UNDERWATER BECAUSE IT'S DUMB!!!"

which like. for the love of. just stop; that is so clearly not what was being said

as for the tags, she probably thinks she's being even-handed by acknowledging that some poor backwards souls THOUGHT they liked these things, as they were misguidedly "fighting against progress," but of course they had no other options so they didn't REALLY like any of it. which is just so infantilizing to me

look, the fight for women to be allowed to wear trousers was huge and important. because some women wanted to wear trousers! and do manual labor jobs that require wearing trousers, from which women had historically been excluded! and women who want to wear trousers should be allowed to do that; gendering Lower Half Fabric Tubes is stupid, we're all going to die, and you should adorn your meat-suit in a way that makes you feel comfortable (mentally and physically) and happy and confident!

but. it was a fight for options. it was a fight for choice. it wasn't happening because one garment was good and the other was, to quote The History of the World I Guess, an Evil Virus of Satan. did some dress reformers frame it that way? yes! because humans are human and some humans deal in absolutes! but they didn't represent All Women, any more than the ones who thought wearing trousers was scandalous did

and moreover, this is still coming at things from a baseline assumption that corsets and long skirts- and again, weirdly parasols? women weren't like required to carry parasols at all times back then; do people know that? light skin as a beauty standard is a big conversation to have, but there was no Parasol Law or anything -are universally impractical and uncomfortable. and that any woman who doesn't feel that way must be either brainwashed or intentionally impeding progress

the fact that, in a time when not only are western women are fully allowed to wear trousers but skirts and dresses are seen as inherently formal for some reason, some women STILL feel their happiest and most comfortable in them (and some people of other genders, too!) is proof that you don't have to be a mindless slave of the patriarchy to like these things. if someone came to me and said "you have to give up your skirts and burn your corset; Progress is here!" I would punch them in the face. and I'm a left-wing, feminist lesbian

nobody forced me to dress like this- in fact, society would probably rather I didn't, because it's not making fast fashion companies any money and it's not #ontrend. I grew up primarily in jeans and t-shirts like most kids, teens, and young women nowadays. I chose this completely absent any societal pressures to do so, and indeed, in the face of pressures to NOT present the way I do

and if someone can choose it without that kind of pressure...don't you think there just might have been women who would have kept wearing what they wore even with broader options available? without being Horrible Deluded Serena Joys or whatever?

also I'm sorry but claiming that modern clothes- and implicitly by the rest of the text, modern trousers in specific -have the same breathability as a natural-fiber skirt over a hoop is just hilarious. they may work better for ~your specific lifestyle~ as OP condescendingly phrases it, but wrapping your legs in plastic (or even tight-fitting cotton twill!) is just not going to have the Breeze Capabilities of putting a lampshade around your waist

...not sure why I even wrote this, since in the comments on the original post OP freely admitted that they weren't reading any rebuttals anyone wrote because "women were jailed for wearing pants [which they were sometimes! but that's not the beginning and end of the conversation!] so I don't need your paragraphs." this attitude always comes back to having set ideas about history that you're not willing to have challenged. anyway.

[noxiatoxia]

So, when Danganronpa S was released (and V3's UTDP but I'll get to that later...) Hinata and Komaeda were given noticeably different versions of their pre-existing sprites for their swimsuit versions:

If you struggle to see a difference, note Hinata's wider mouth in the swimsuit ver., and Komaeda's narrower eyes and more outlined smirk in his swimsuit ver.

I, along with many people, always wondered, why? Why change these already perfectly fine sprites and, honestly, make them worse? What gives?

Then, I stumbled across something. Back in 2012, before the Japanese release of Super Danganronpa 2, you could play an online monomono machine to win little goodies like desktop backgrounds and profile pictures. Please note these pre-release desktop backgrounds for Hinata and Komaeda:

...So, wait a minute. The sprites used in Danganronpa S aren't new edits, but beta sprites? Older than the ones featured in the original SDR2? Turns out, this website features desktop backgrounds using beta sprites for nearly every character that otherwise never saw the light of day.*

I'm going to go through them one by one, gif comparisons included. This won't be the only post, either! UTDP also has some very interesting likely beta art used in it, too. As well, some of the other sprites featured in Danganronpa S may also be reused beta sprites!

As such, this log will be broken into three parts. This is part 1.

[Part 2 - UTDP (not made yet!)] [Part 3 - DRS (not made yet!)] [Part 4 - Dangan Island (not made yet!)]

*with the exception of UTDP in some cases, as well as some other things I will get to in Part 4.

As said, semi-flashing gifs will be included in this post. They are meant to swap between the beta and final sprites at a fast pace to illustrate the differences (2 frame, half a second each). Be cautious if you have epilepsy.

Also, because of Tumblr's stupid image limit, this post will have a reblog with the rest of the sprites! So please check this post's reblogs, it should be the first one!

Firstly, how do we know these are actually beta sprites? These images are sourced from the Danganronpa fandom wiki, and while I generally trust the wiki's credibility, it's always imperative to fact-check. So, I went ahead and searched Danganronpa's old website on the Wayback Machine and uncovered this:

A character intro page for Hinata, using this same beta sprite. Now, granted, the only capture of this page is from 2015. Still a year before V3 and a few more before S, but still, it's not the 2012 original. That said, a character intro page for Mioda circa early 2014 looks exactly the same, including the usage of her beta sprite.

And, when you click on the button that says スクリーンショット(Screenshot)...

You're offered a very obviously beta trial shot. As is common with Danganronpa trials, in development, the actual character portraits are not put in until later, and to substitute, their art reference photos are used, as seen on the left.

With that out of the way, I think it's safe to say these sprite we are about to look at are indeed betas.

It's only fair, then, we focus on Hinata first.

(Please note for all the comparison gifs I had to manually size the final sprites to get them as close as possible in aspect ratio. Very minor size difference between sprites is likely a result of this and not an actual detail change.)

A lot is revealed with a simple gif. Hinata's entire face shape was changed (including ears), not just his mouth. In fact, not just the shape of his face, but the face itself is drawn very differently in the end. The neck of his shirt was raised, as well as tie being redrawn (you can actually see where the new part begins somewhat sloppily). Less notable but still apparent are his bangs being redrawn and shaded differently.

Keeping with consistency, let's check out Komaeda next.

Yet again, the differences are striking when flipped back and forth. Komaeda's face shape and ear was redone much like Hinata, but not to nearly the same dramatic extent. As well, his entire face was redrawn, notably erasing the black shading under his chin and shortening his eyelashes. Less noticeable, the hair touching his neck is shortened a bit, and the crease line on his hood is more well-defined. They also slightly changed the line art for the first fold in his shirt, the neck at the back of his shirt, as well as his leftmost bang. Interestingly, they either forgot or didn't care to fix the shading to reflect the new placement of these lines. His jacket also has some changes in line art weight.

With Hinata and Komaeda out of the way, let's touch on Kuzuryuu.

This one honestly shocked me. Besides the added detail of him spitting, I didn't notice any difference right off the bat until I overlayed the images, but the differences are night and day. His eyes are made to be less mean and more skeptical. His mole was shrunk and his nose is more 3-dimensional. Extra detail is added to his ear while his hair is redrawn in whole, including it being slightly shorter. What's most interesting is the fact the body was sized up and moved down several pixels, I imagine to change the perspective. Some minor line changes are made to the white undershirt of his suit.

It would be improper not to do Pekoyama next.

Again, just like Kuzuryuu, I didn't notice half of these changes at first. Pekoyama's whole face is slimmed. The outer outline of her hair remains the same, but almost every outline inside of it, including her bangs, changes. (Although, her right twin-tail has a slightly longer end to it.) Her outfit receives minor touch-ups, including a clothes fold on her breast and darker shading by her collarbone. Speaking of, her neck muscles and such have been redrawn. Most interesting to me is the fact Pekoyama's outline is noticeably thicker with action lines in the original beta sprite, but lack them in the final sprite as if somebody used the magic wand tool to edit the background out, editing away some of the jagged black lines in the process. She is the only character where this happens.

Since she is a major character, let's do Nanami now.

I wasn't surprised to find Nanami has virtually no difference about her. Her design was pretty much set in stone early on. That said, it's not entirely the same. Though very minor, the thickness of her left eye was increased at the top. As well, shading across her pinky finger was removed. There is also a chance her body is slightly bigger, but that's more likely to be a result of me failing to perfectly match up the two images.

I want to focus on Souda now as he was the first one I did this test with.

You know, when I first played SDR2, I thought Souda looked kind of scary. His beta is even scarier looking! I can see why they changed it...Every detail on his face is redrawn including his chin, notably his pupil was enlarged and his eyebrows were quirked. Funnily, it seems the clip on his beanie was redrawn, but like Komaeda, they didn't edit the color layer to match the new outline. Some minor line art changes were made to his back hair. The lines for his neck and collarbone were lessened, and the jacket zipper is made more three dimensional. His thumb was fixed too, as well as the lines on his hand.

Also, here's a fun little thing I noticed while replaying SDR2 just a few days ago!

The sprite used for Souda in the Dangan Island opening is the exact same as the beta sprite! This would be the only time Westerners would catch a glimpse of some beta sprites until UTDP, as keep in mind, these wallpapers were exclusive to the Japanese Danganronpa website.

In fact, Souda isn't the only one with a beta sprite in the Dangan Island opening. I will also be covering that in part 4.

Moving on...

I guess it's only natural we look at Sonia's sprite next.

Changes like these ones are very interesting to me, because if you did not do a side-by-side like this, you may never see how many minor details were changed. A lot of Sonia's line art was redrawn to be more detailed, such as more lines in her hair, thinner outlines for her braid, and redrawn creases in her shoulders and bow (as well as a redrawn button). Her face is interesting as some very minor changes were made. Some detail is added to both ears (thicker outline on the right, changed line art on the left) and her left eyebrow is slightly edited. She was also given extra eyelashes on both sides. When it comes to such minor changes, it makes you wonder why they bothered at all. I wonder what the development looked like.

Anyways, please check the reblog for the second part! That's where the rest of the characters will be!

[arcanegifs]

On Gifmaking:

So season 2's coming soon, and I wanna reflect on making gifs ever since I came back to Tumblr. I can't believe it's been 2 years of making gifs for this show!!!!! Look at how large my folder is lmao

And those are JUST gifs lol

Anyways, over time, my style has changed, especially how I color edit Arcane gifs. I kind of strayed away from a stylized filter color into just something that looks a lot more "natural" and works with the original scene.

Initially, I thought I'd save time, but I ended up not using my old arcane preset PSDs and resulted to coloring almost every scene manually. So in the end, it takes even longer to make them HAHAHA. It takes around an hour and a half for me to make a 10 gif set, basically. It also helps that I have a photography background, so coloring/editing is a lot simpler for me.

Here's a lil before and after of a dark scene (hiiiii viiiiiii <3)

Arcane is a REALLY dark show, but it goes for most of TV shows. Many of them are darker and harder to bring up the lights to make stuff look nice as gifs. Some people don't like to color their gifs, and that's okay. I personally just like color edited gifs more.

I've started learning how to upscale scenes myself, so that I have a better resolution and leeway to make things look "HD" more.

If you're wondering why my stuff look so "crisp", it's a combination of the scene's lighting, my sharpening settings on Photoshop and knowing how to upscale everything into 4k resolution. Of course, doing this needs an extremely beefy pc, which I am very lucky to own one.

Here's another before and after of a nicely lit scene. These are much, MUCH easier to do than all the darkly lit scenes because of shadows and lighting (caitlyn kiramman truly the rizzler <3)

I've been very lucky to be able to essentially take a nice, long break for like a month doing nothing after being so damn busy for the last year and a half, so it's nice that I was able to make a ton of gifs and be chronically online for a short while LMAO.

It's been so fun! But it's time to go back to reality lmao. I closed reqs for a bit because I was just so swamped with them the last few days, and I wanted to gif scenes that I like this time. I've done like 2 weeks worth of gifs. And you will see Vi a lot bc she's on my mind a lot heehee 🥰what can I say, she's such a babe <3

Here's a lil sneak peek, just look at herrrrrrr 🥰🥰🥰 and yeah, 4k upscaled resolution really helps making these tight crops, it's why i never went back to 1080p lol. It's how I’m able to make zoomed in gifs look decent (like the kirammountains gifset lol)

Thank you so much for all the support, likes, reblogs, and the nice tags you guys give. Yes, I can see and read all of them (both the nice and nasty ones lmao). If you have nothing good to say about the characters or my editing style, or anything related to the edit, please I beg you, just write a separate text post about it <3 If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it in my edits.

Lastly, thank you to the people who share my stuff outside the site and credit the blog and link them back here. I see you and appreciate you <3 You guys don't know how much I appreciate shoutouts and link backs, because people stealing my gifs is something that I've dealt with after making them for like a decade.

Tumblr is sadly not what it used to be in the 2013-2015 era. There’s definitely less activity as time goes by, so I appreciate all the people who credit and link back to this sideblog. Unfortunately, there’s more people who just repost them and it gets wayyy much more traction in other soc med sites. Yeah, ofc I get a lil jealous, but eh what can you do 😞 can’t really stop em.

I also don’t like putting watermarks because it personally looks tacky to me, but I understand why other people do it.

Anyways, if you reached at the end of this lil rambling of mine, thank you! I sadly might be busy during November because that's usually busy season, but I'll try to make time for making gifs of Season 2! Thank you and enjoy your stay on this lil sideblog :)

[pinkrangerv]

Inevitably it's been investigated by the FBI like five times, because this conversation happens every two minutes:

Trent: "And if you're having trouble finding this show, there's a lot of pirate websites you can get it from."

Ethan: "Yeah! Now, you want to use Firefox, and there's a couple of options for search engines, but you don't really need a VPN unless you're planning on selling your own copies, that's more of a...I mean, what, like for looking up how to hide a corpse? Right, Trent?"

Trent: "Yeah, searches about killing people, gang structures, how to find hitmen, those need to stay in your VPN. If you need to get really into something, like if you've got to start blackmailing, I don't know, a Senator or something?"

Ethan: "Bro. Bro. Hold up. Do not tell them that."

Trent: "Dude. We only blackmailed him because he didn't show up to Dr. O's birthday party. We didn't even technically break any laws."

Ethan: "ANYWAY, and if you TOTALLY WANT TO DO NORMAL THINGS, but they might be slightly illegal, you want to put a Linux OS on a thumbdrive, make sure it's cycling the MAC address, go to some kind of coffeeshop--"

Trent: "That last one's really important. Remember: You don't want to look suspicious. You need to go at least two major cities away from where you started, and then you pick a random shop, go in, buy a coffee, and sit down like you're just answering an email. You're only using the email feature, so no one's gonna realize. The baristas aren't gonna remember you, no one's gonna care, unless you act nervous. Do that, and you're fucked."

Ethan: "Yeah, do all that. Trent knows that stuff better than me. He says I cackle too much. But anyway, when you've got all this, you should already have a fake email account. Which we mentioned how to do that in Episode 3, so basically you just boot up the laptop, stick in the hard drive, get into the email, and send it."

Trent: "You have to plan the blackmail out first, of course. I'd recommend finding something really embarrassing, not just illegal. Screwing a sex worker is great, but you want them to have pictures of wearing a chicken suit or something. And if you have the sex worker, you can make the rest up."

Ethan: "Sex worker?"

Trent: "I mean, that's their job, right? Just because I can get laid whenever I want doesn't mean everyone can. It's really nice of them to make sure people can have a nice, professional one-night stand if they want. But you can use all that prejudice against your target..."

Anyway. Everyone loves the show. The FBI can't prove they're apparently high-level foreign agents, and they want to murder both of them for it.

(Zack did not forget to go to Tommy's birthday party again. It wasn't a sex worker. It was far more embarrassing. Technically legal, but Zack was never letting it see the light of day if he could help it.)

They need a podcast together so I can just see them talking shit about the most random stuff 💙🤍💙🤍

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 3: Honey Trap

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: A Farmer’s Market and Pouring out your heart over a beer leads to Bucky learning more about his favorite mysterious farmer

Content/warnings: mentions of previous heartbreak and descriptions, a surprising amount of crying/near-crying, soft mobster Bucky, Heartless Jake, Creepy Cole, mentions of blood/period (not graphic and should be normalized because this happens to me all the time and I know I’m not alone in that), excessive drinking and lowkey alcoholism, cowboy hat rule, mutual pining and reluctance towards that, y/n used like three times

Word Count: 5,295

A/N: I didn’t mean for this chapter to be this long, but also, I definitely meant for it to be this long. Sorry for making dear, wonderful, Jake Jensen out to be a bad guy, and NOT sorry for making Cole Turner a creep. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are SUPER appreciated. Thank you for reading, I love you *gives forehead kiss*

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

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Bucky knew lots of languages. Country was not one of them. You would think it would be, with how many arms purchasers were from the south, but he kept his dealings with those folk as short and formal as possible. It was better for his sanity and everyone else that way.

He’d been running into a lot of country folk today, helping you run this farmer’s market out of one of your barns. Half of his conversations with people were full of twangy words and phrases he didn’t understand, so he just lightly laughed, hoping that was the right response. The other half were children, asking him what the bump was on the side of his head, the result of the bee incident earlier this week. Before, it was slightly swollen and red, but it was nearly back to normal. Darn kids have keen eyes, though, and no shame. He’d just about had enough. These people were too polite, besides their annoying children. Lucky for him, though, he’d sold off the last of the turnip greens, and his cash box was full, so he made his way over to you at the stand holding the freshly jarred honey you’d successfully, and he’d not-so-successfully harvested earlier in the week. It was just in time to catch the tail end of a conversation he saw you were having with a slightly older woman.

“You’re like our very own honeybee”

“Oh please, Mrs. Jensen, you know the bees do all the work. I just put it in a jar”

“You’re too modest, dear. My Jakey says no one makes sweeter honey than you. I always tell him to come back and help if he loves it that much, but it seems he’s too late now. Looks like you’ve got yourself a new farm hand who’s easy on the eyes”

Bucky glanced up at her through his eyelashes with his signature smirk, raising to a stand from setting the empty turnip green crate at your feet. “Well you know what they say, honeybees don’t work alone. And their hard work makes the world go round.”

For some reason unbeknownst to him, Bucky slung his hand over your shoulder. Was it jealousy he was feeling? Possessiveness? Why, he didn’t own you and he promised himself he wouldn’t fall, physically or metaphorically (although it was far too late physically, and he didn’t want to think about how close he truly was metaphorically). Plus, it’s not like he was having the best time right now. This whole week was a nightmare, and the only reason he was in a decent mood was from seeing your smile as you interacted with the town’s folk today. You were a person of the people, in juxtaposition to how Bucky was often only looking out for himself. So why did the mention of Jakey make this feel necessary and why did it feel so right? Either way, he was proud of you and your hard work and the way it made people beam as bright as Mrs. Jensen. But he’d never say that. Where he’s from, hard work is expected and definitely not praised, although not nearly as manual. But seeing all the effort for that couple jars of honey made him question if the work he was even doing was that hard. Maybe he’d been away from the city too long and was losing perspective. Yeah. That had to be it.

“Well, either way, bless y’all’s heart for putting in the work. I’ll tell Jake you say hello.”

You and Bucky both waved goodbye.

“Well how about it Honeybee, Jakey appreciates all your hard work” he smirked, but watched the smile slide off your face.

“Try telling me that with our awful breakup years ago” you shrugged off with a small chuckle, but Bucky could see the light drain out of your eyes a little. He had obviously struck a nerve, but didn’t want to push farther, at least not now when there were still a few customers aimlessly shopping around for the last bits of produce left. Maybe he’d catch you once the two of you were alone.

You turned away from him to hide your grimace. Thinking back to that whole situation with Jake, on top of serving others all morning had completely drained you and it was quickly catching up.

“Um, why don’t you finish cleaning up the rest of the empty crates after you ask those last few people how you can help them with anything” you waved off Bucky back towards the other end of the barn, head down, starting to look through the cash box he had handed you. You waited until you could hear his receding footsteps on the hay floor to sniffle and take a deep breath. Bucky had keen ears, though, and hesitated hearing your sigh, before he continued on, giving you your chance to regroup. He had never seen you like this before, you were normally chipper and full of energy, often a little too much for his liking, but luckily it was Friday, and after he closed these deals, you both were home free.

Bucky quickly helped the last few stragglers take their rather large haul back to their car. An older man and woman who owned the bar in town had come to get some fresh vegetables for their salads, and Bucky convinced them to take the lot with his charm. That, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t have to carry them all the way back to storage. That was a long way, and you made him walk it. He rolled his eyes when you had told him about the task, too, handing him the handle to a little red wagon with a beaming smile on your face, insisting “that’s how Pappy did it before his first tractor” and “what did you think, I like wasting diesel for food that’s supposed to have a low carbon footprint? That’s why I’ve got you, Bucket.” So Bucky grumbled under his breath at first light, angry, yet amused that the nickname stuck, but still too tired to react any differently when he started the first of his dozen trips to move the produce from storage into the farmer’s market barn. And there was no way he was gonna do that again, so he convinced the couple to take the lot, even offering to carry it out to the car for them, because that was better than the quarter mile walk both ways through the tall grass of your fallow fields to return them.

“Thank you so much for your help, Jamie. You’ve taken such good care of us, you should come by the bar later if you can get some free time from Miss Y/L/N over there. She’s quite the hard worker, maybe bring her along. Drinks on us.” The older lady looked at Bucky with a soft smile.

Jamie, no one had called him that since his mom. Country folk and their want for instant closeness. He hardly knew this lady and already she was trying to be endearing, but her forced charm was nothing compared yours even when you weren’t trying. She looked over Bucky’s shoulder at you carrying a stack of heavy wooden crates out of the barn, hardly struggling, but very determined before sliding them back into the truck. Bucky’s eyes followed hers, a small grin of admiration creeping onto his face at your independence and mastery at everything you do, no matter how simple.

“Yeah, hardest worker out there. I’ll see if I can convince her to take a break.” He turned back and walked the lady to her door, opening it for her to get in.

“Drive safely. Hope to see you later Mr. and Mrs. Carter.” He shut the door and made his way back over to your truck. You had already gotten in and started it with the windows down. Bucky slid into the bench seat to be met by you with your forehead resting on the wheel in between your hands. You took a sharp inhale and shot up, putting on a fake smile, albeit less forced than earlier.

“Ready to go meet Curtis? We’ve just gotta touch base with him and then we’re good to be done for the day.”

“Um, yeah. Sounds good.”

Bucky wasn’t sure how to continue with you in that mood. Should be keep talking? Did you prefer the silence to think? The radio was low on the dash, but not silent, so he decided to speak up.

“Did you see who I was helping? They said they own the bar in town. Maybe we can go for a drink tonight? Celebrate a long week done?”

You sighed. Again. “Um, yeah. I actually think that sounds really good. We both need the decompression. TGIF, ya know?” You forced out a small laugh which Bucky returned and he turned forward as you continued the drive back toward your house.

When the two of you entered the farmhouse, your were greeted by Curtis, your weekend farmhand, sitting at the dining room table. He had already helped himself to a glass of sweet tea you kept in the fridge, mainly for him, which was made from your Aunt’s recipe he loved so much.

“Oh, good, you’re back from chores already.” Curtis had been kind enough to come in today to work on some tasks since you and Bucky had your hands full with the market. He usually only worked Saturday and Sunday since this was his second job, but he’d sometimes come in to help extra, like today.

“Bucket, this is Curty b—oh sorry, Curtis. He’s the one that makes sure things run smoothly when I’m not. He’s a whiz at fixing the machinery, perks of him also being the best mechanic in town.”

Bucky warily stepped forward, eyes narrowed, barely noticeable, and shook Curtis’s hand. Who is this guy who let himself into your house? “Bucky is fine, really.”

Curtis let out a chuckle, “nice to meet you, Bucket. It’s ok, I talked to Y/N about making cheese curds once, and she’s called me ‘Curty boi’ ever since.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head, looking over his shoulder. You just shrugged with a small smile on your face, already more relaxed and relieved to be inside your home with someone you didn’t feel like you had to put up a front for, that was reassuring. Bucky went into the kitchen to get you both a glass of water as you sat next to Curtis at the table, joined by Bucky sitting across after he handed you your glass. The three of you briefly talked about the chores Curtis had done that day, how the farmer’s market went, and what all needed done that weekend.

Curtis seemed nice, not threatening. The visceral tinge of jealousy left Bucky’s body as the conversation went on. If Curtis was going to make a move, he would’ve done it by now, surely. But the two of you were clearly just close friends. Why did Bucky keep feeling like this?

As you wrapped up, Curtis slapped his knees with both his hands and went to stand. “Well, I better get going, sun’s starting to get pretty low.”

Curtis and Bucky had been getting along pretty well, so you spoke up. “Well actually, Bucky and I were gonna go to the bar in town tonight. Care to join?”

“Yeah, I’d love to. There are just a few things I’ve gotta check on in the shop first, but I can drop by after. Does that work?”

“For sure. We’ll see you then” You and Bucky shared a small smile before you closed the door behind Curtis and turned back to the mob boss standing in your foyer.

“Ok, Cowboy. Good job today. Go take a shower, we’re going out.” Bucky beamed, which you returned, and he felt a warmth bloom in his chest at your praise.

“Yes, ma’am, Miss Honeybee” you smiled and rolled your eyes as he ran up the steps, following behind to get ready, yourself. He was really glad your mood was starting to turn around.

As Bucky went to his room to gather his clothing, his mind started to drift towards why he cared how you felt. He was just here for business, right? So why did it bother him if you were sad? If anything, he should want you vulnerable to help him come out on top of your business, but something deep inside of him felt more satisfaction when you were winning. He shook the thoughts from his head. Maybe a cold shower could help him sort this out.

Bucky came down the stairs and sat on the couch just as he heard your hair dryer start up. He had gotten ready quickly, throwing on one of his henleys, his nicer jeans, and a pair of boots Sam had sent him this week when he had heard about the whole ‘borrowing clothes situation.’

He shot Steve a text, telling him that the two of you were going out to the bar with Curtis, to which he replied Have fun, Bucket😉.

Ugh, why did he have to tell Steve about that, it was never gonna go away now. Bucky had gotten a call from Steve each evening giving updates on the business, with Bucky doing the same on his end, keeping it short, only noting the highlights and trying to keep his emotions in check and out of the updates. His best friend knew better, though, even if Bucky wasn’t fully aware of the extent of his feelings yet.

Bucky got up and walked around, looking through the photos and knick knacks in your living room, before stopping by the mirror behind your front door and checking his appearance. This look wasn’t what he was used to. He was extremely dressed down compared to the designer suit he’d likely be sporting in one of his clubs if he were back in the city. He hadn’t even bothered to gel his hair because it seemed you didn’t care when he did, plus, he wanted to save that valuable product for a real occasion, no use in wasting it to go slum with a bunch of hillbillies. He looked to the coatrack next to the mirror to see a hat that matched his boots perfectly and plopped it on his head, swaying side to side to see how it looked.

Just then, you started to make your way down the stairs but stopped in your tracks seeing Bucky in that hat. His head snapped up to look at you.

“What? Does this hat make me look dumb?”

You smiled and shook your head.

“No, not at all” Bucky could see tears well up in your eyes, accompanied by sparkles of fondness and, sadness?

“That was my uncle’s hat. He taught me everything I know”

“Oh, I’m so sorry” Bucky went to take the hat off but you stopped him.

“No- it’s okay. It looks good on you. Go ahead and wear it out tonight.”

Bucky looked back at you with a somber nod as you continued back down the stairs, taking a deep breath to settle the emotions that had nearly breached the surface.

Even in this state, you looked gorgeous. Hair flouncing in the breeze that was created as you drifted down the steps, wearing makeup he hadn’t seen since the first time you two had met and a sundress that blew him away. You were gorgeous in all states because you were you. Bucky looked down, kicking his feet, to pull his magnetic glance from you. He’s really gotta switch up the power dynamic here, and if there was one place Bucky could feel at home after a week of embarrassing himself, it was a bar. He grabbed the keys and you followed with an eye roll, getting into the passenger seat of your own truck. He didn’t even know where he was going, but he looked at you with a sly grin. Like for the first time, he had the upper hand, and that would only come from being anywhere but on your farm.

Bucky was a good driver, despite his statements about some guy named ‘Gio’ and grumbles about Sam, who you had met once before. Besides that, the drive was filled with laughs reminiscing all the mishaps he went through that week, well, mostly you laughing, and Bucky doing his best to hold a smirk from showing too obviously, his eyes narrowed at you in contrast.

The two of you pulled into town as you pointed Bucky towards a decent-sized building which housed the bar, still nothing compared to what he was used to. The two of you hopped down from the truck and walked through the front door, which jingled, signaling your entrance.

Bucky was greeted by the smell of old wood and stale beer, the dim atmosphere lit with old neon beer signs and fluorescent lights which hung over the pool tables. You looked back at Bucky as you crossed the threshold where he held the door for you.

“Hey, all I’m saying is, I bet you wouldn’t last a week in my world the way I did in yours.”

You rolled your eyes as you sauntered up to the bar, taking a seat at the corner, Bucky next to you, and a few more empty seats to the other side of him that would hopefully stay that way until Curtis came. As the two of you had walked up to the bar, you had seen a bunch of girls groups whose heads turned, seeing the stranger that was Bucky make his way across the floor. Why couldn’t he be ugly? And why did you let him wear that hat? Bucky didn’t even notice. His eyes were only on you, besides his trained peripheral vision catching the eyes of men whose heads turned towards, doing the same.

“Oh please, Bucket, you hardly made it through this week. I’ve never seen anyone cut their finger on wheat before. How did you even do that? You were literally up on the tractor… wheat should not have been anywhere near your hands, yet you came to me with several paper cut-looking marks. And what do you even do all day? Your hands have calluses but a totally different kind. You can hardly toss a hay bale a story high into the barn loft. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard for me to just sit at a desk, bark orders, and sign paperwork all day.”

Bucky’s mouth gaped open as he feigned offense and put his hand on his chest.

You flashed a fleeting smile at him in satisfaction as you waved down the

bartender ordering two shots of whiskey and two beers.

“Now just because that’s all you’ve seen me do for work, doesn’t mean that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh really? Please, Bucket, then be my guest…indulge me.”

“Well, if I told you, I’d have to kill you, so take that as one of the common requisites.”

He smirked at you, obviously more comfortable in this bar environment before your phone dinged and it was a message from Curtis.

Hey Y/N. So sorry, something came up at the shop. Rain check?

Yeah, no problem. Hope all is good, see you tomorrow?

Yep! Ty

“Well, looks like Curty boi isn’t joining us, so it’s just you and me, Bucko”

At that moment, the bartender set down the drinks in front of you and you and Bucky took a shot together, ordering an appetizer sampler platter to go with your drinks.

As the two of you nursed your beers, you joked more about Bucky’s farm mishaps and talked about all the men you had turned down from Bucky’s organization to get him out here.

“I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t know how you turned down both Sam and Steve. I’m hardly immune to their charms some days”

You laughed and threw your head back. “It’s not easy. They’ve both got these puppy dog eyes they make when I say ‘no’ to them, but they seemed pretty satisfied with the fact I wanted to see you in person.”

“And why exactly was that? You never quite said”

“Well, at first, it started as a way to delay the deal, but then I realized, if I’m going to be making some major changes to somewhere I consider a sanctuary, I wanna make sure it’s with the right partner” you nudged him with your elbow playfully and Bucky gave you a small grin. “But honestly, if I’m going to do something these days, I wanna do it at the source. I hate hearing important news from third parties, I mean, you’ve seen how I do business. It’s all me at the end of the day. Sure, Curtis helps out, but otherwise, it’s better to deal with things on my own and a few trusted people” you finished that statement breathless from your heated ramble. This didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky at all. Where did that come from? At first, to him, you were just another bug to be squashed in order to get more control over his industry, but did he care now? Did he truly care about what was upsetting you? What caused that hurt you were obviously tampering down? Does this have to do with Jakey?

Bucky hadn’t realized he said that last part out loud until you responded.

“No! Well, maybe? Like, sort of?”

“Can I ask? Can I ask what happened there? Only if you want to share”

“Um… yeah, sure, I guess. You’ve embarrassed yourself enough this week so I think you’ve earned this a little bit.”

You took a deep breath and began. “Jake and I grew up together. We met in kindergarten in school and were instantly close. We were the only two gifted kids in class, so the teacher sent us to the side for extra lessons while the rest of the class learned with her. From that point on, we were inseparable. Two smart little twerps who took on the world together, but our lives were so different. In middle school, I started to take on more responsibility on the farm and he started getting into computers, but we’d still see each other. In high school we started officially dating, and I was so happy to be with someone who I felt like intellectually got me. I think it was the same way for him, too. He’d crack such nerdy jokes, and no one got them but me”

You smiled nostalgically at the memory. “When our senior year came along and my uncle wasn’t doing that well, I applied to more local schools, but he didn’t. We had always talked about going off to college and living together, but he wanted that life to be far away from here, and I had obligations. I got into the local college on a full ride for agriculture and civil engineering, and he decided he’d rather go to MIT for computer science. I asked if he’d be willing to stay since he got into college around here, too, but he said he wanted to be around people who were ‘more like-minded to him.’ As if we hadn’t been the only ones who had understood each other for over a decade.”

Bucky gave you a sullen look as your head fell and you looked down at your hands. He signaled to the bartender for a water and two more rounds of shots.

“I just, I just didn’t understand how he could act like that after so long. So I asked him when he was leaving so I could see him off. We were still friends, after all, but he left without a word. When I saw him again over Christmas break that winter, I felt like he had turned into some overweening, highfalutin, jerkwad. I didn’t really know him anymore, and I had enough to focus on already, so I just kinda stopped talking to him. As you could see today, his mom still comes around, but it’s not really the same. I don’t think she ever really truly saw the way he changed, she’s too caught up in having a son who lives in Silicon Valley now, but apparently he still asks for stuff from the farmers markets.” You shrugged and thanked the bartender for the shots, pounding all four before you excused yourself to the restroom, leaving Bucky to sit there shocked.

He had known where you went to college and how smart you are, but things like what happened with Jake don’t show up on paper. However he clocked you before, you were even stronger than that, because despite how you were hurt, you still wore your heart in your sleeve and showed compassion to everyone around.

You washed your face and looked in the mirror. Sure, that experience with Jake sucked, but it’s been years and you were over it now. Didn’t mean it was fun to relive it all. You decided to go into one of the stalls, the alcohol already kicking in and making you have to pee. You sat down and that’s when you saw it: blood. So that’s the reason for the waterworks all day today. That’s why you felt so tired and couldn’t help tearing up at the slightest things. Luckily the girl in the stall next to you had some products. You cleaned up and washed your hands, forcing a smile in the mirror until it became real, honestly relieved at having a reason for your out-of-character behavior. You headed back out to Bucky in a much more chipper mood and he looked up at you with a quirked brow. He figured you’d taken the time you needed. He was appreciative of you being so open with him, and wasn’t going to question the switch-up since he was just so happy to see you being yourself again after a long day.

“Up for a game of pool, cowboy?”

“Oh, you’re signing up to lose, Honeybee”

“Ok, ok, best four out of seven” Bucky whined as you giggled, whiskey shots catching up to you as you held another beer bottle in your hand. Bucky was hardly affected, he essentially rocked this much alcohol in his system by noon on a daily basis. Just then, his phone rang, and he motioned to show you it was Steve. You gave him a thumbs up and started to rack the balls to set up for the next game.

You watched Bucky walk out the door as you felt a presence looming behind you. You turned around and stood up, eyes tracing up a body dressed in brown hues until you reached a set of blue eyes shaded by a cowboy hat brim.

“Oh, howdy, can I help you?”

“I sure hope so. Can I get you a drink? Two whiskey sours” the stranger yelled over to the bar.

“Oh, uh, thanks.”

“My name’s Cole, Cole Turner. What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?”

He was handsome, there was no denying that, but something seemed off. You plastered your best fake smile on your face. You didn’t need a confrontation tonight, not in your favorite dress. You didn’t want to taint the memory of it because of some rando. Wait. Was he a rando? Where have you heard the name ‘Turner’ before? Before you could continue your train of thought, a waiter came over with your drinks. They were very sweet compared to what you’d had all night, just like his demeanor, which seemed like a thin veil over the surface. You tried to channel your drink’s energy into your words to sweetly reply until you could properly remember who he was through your alcohol-fogged mind.

“Oh, I’m not here alone. I’m here with a friend”

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but I don’t see anyone around. You up for a game?”

Before you could even open your mouth to respond, he grabbed a pool cue and made a move to break. After that, he was keeping a little too close to you constantly. You did your best to stay kind, but must’ve been sending the wrong signals as he asked you “You wanna get out of here? I’ve got a hotel room down the road.”

In an attempt to change the subject you asked “Oh, so you’re not from around here? What are you doing in town?” Looking towards the door hoping Bucky would be done with his update any minute now.

“Ah, I used to live around here. My family owns a string of dairy farms. I’m here to try and convince these small-town farmers to give up the land.”

Your eyes went wide. Luckily you were facing away from him. He was that Cole Turner. The one whose family ran a packaged beverage empire and prided themselves on squashing the little guy. You were lucky he didn’t seem to recognize you yet, as the last remaining competitor in town. The one he had probably come in to squash. Just then, lost in thought, you felt a hand snake around your waist and you flinched.

“Relax, Honeybee, it’s just me” Bucky whispered in your ear. Your shoulders visibly relaxed as you turned around and threw your arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. You pulled away, but not enough for Bucky’s hand to leave your waist, and looked between the two men, grabbing Bucky’s hat and placing it on your head immediately.

“Uh, James, this is Cole. He’s visiting town.”

Bucky reached out his hand Cole shook it. Cole took a large step back after, respecting the hat on your head, and, was he intimidated by Bucky’s stature? Sensing your discomfort, Bucky spoke up. “Nice to meet you. Shame we’re heading out now.”

You grabbed Bucky’s hand, not looking back, and headed straight to the door as quickly as your numb, wobbly legs would take you. Once you were met by the cool, crisp night air, you sighed in relief and rested your forehead on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Thank you for helping me get out of there”

He shuddered at your proximity and the comfort you felt in this type of contact. It felt natural and he never wanted it to stop. With a soft smile and a glance at the top of the hat, he said, “No problem, Honeybee. Let’s get home.”

He helped you get up into the cab of the truck, sliding you across the bench seat before he got in and started it up.

“So what was the deal with the hat? And that guy?”

You yawned and stretched, settling in against Bucky’s shoulder.

“Uh, when a girl takes a guy’s hat and puts it on her head, it means she’s going home with him. And don’t worry, I didn’t mean it like that, I just wanted that guy to get off my back. We can talk more about that later.”

You wiggled to get more comfortable, your hand still in Bucky’s as he used the other to steer the truck down the old country roads. Your eyes fluttered shut as you fell asleep on him. His eyes flickered between you and the road in the headlights ahead. He luckily had a good sense of direction and was able to remember how to get home from your instructions earlier.

When he pulled into your gravel driveway, your were sound asleep, softly snoring, drool having dripped onto his Henley, but he didn’t mind at all. He lifted you out of the truck and carried you up the steps, taking off your boots before tucking you into bed for the night.

Next >

Bonus A/N: so where I’m from, “Turner’s” really is a beverage empire and they make really good products. I just figured I can’t make a farm AU without putting Cole in it, no matter how inaccurate to character.

Series taglist:

@scuzmunkie

@openup-yourmind

[canon-in-too-deep]

Free Pride and Prejudice Typeset (Illustrated)

*Collapses.* It is done. I present to you, Pride and Prejudice! By Jane Austen, and Illustrated by Hugh Thomson! Use it for reading, bookbinding, or whathaveyou, the unimposed pdf is sized for half letter (letter folio). And oh god this one was tedious uh, fun to do! All the illustrations are included in this typeset, PLUS all the dropcaps! See below the break for more interior shots, and details about making it. Edit: I FORGOT THE LINK! Here it is: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1S2wl_PuxCupofnDpqGuk7VjMHYFMWC6g?usp=sharing Also, as always, please leave credit if you use this typeset! It is free for personal use, just consider leaving a like/reblog if you can, and follow this blog for more free typesets!

So I kept the title page simple for this typeset, since there's so many beautiful illustrations going on by Hugh Thomson. Just look at this! There's even an illustration for List of Illustrations!

...the list was it's own pain, and a lot of the illustrations had to be manually added in 😅 Twas a fun morning of cross referencing pictures and page numbers. I really loved the drop caps in this book, so I had to make sure to include them all! Each one was unique, and there's a ton of fun detail in these drawings, but the pic quality in the scans was a little rough. Here's hoping they translate okay in the pdf.

I just really love how this one turned out overall. I tried to have most of the illustrations at the largest size I could fit within my margins so that they could be properly admired. The original peacock version is so gorgeous, and of course Austen's writing is always an absolute joy to read. Anyway, here's hoping this typeset was helpful for folks!

Any errors, feel free to let me know! There was a lot of lines and files that needed to be manually placed and formatted, so some stuff might have gotten bumped around as I adjusted. If you've made it this far, thanks for stopping by!

[hey-august]

May Event - Winner (NSFW | Buggy X Marine!GN!Reader)

Y'all, I know this is so so late. We're more than halfway through July, but hopefully the wait is worth it.

Finally! This story concludes the May event! 💦

(In case you missed it, throughout May I posted polls for various masturbation scenarios. Each one got a short story and the final winner - oral - got a longer fic. And here we are!)

Thanks to everyone who voted, commented, reblogged, liked, and read! Sorry that this story took so long, but I hope you enjoyed the event overall!

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: NSFW, mdni, Buggy x GN!reader, marine!reader, established situationship / relationship, autofellatio - buggy, misuse of devil fruit powers of course, manual stimulation - gn!reader.

The first two knocks went unheard and unanswered. So did the following set of knocks. The sharp flurry that barraged the wooden door next had tossed aside politeness for annoyance that couldn’t go unnoticed. Inside the room, Buggy winced and choked out a rushed response.

“One sec…gimme one s-” His strangled reply was cut short by a muffled thud and expletives that skittered across the floor.

A moment later, the hotel room door was unlocked and pulled open for you. A lone hand waggled it’s fingers energetically and reached out, palm upwards. You accepted the gesture and placed your hand on his. The floating appendage guided you into a rented room that matched the dreamy opulence of moonlit conversations and alcohol-laden promises.

The pirate himself was in the middle of the room, standing on a plush ornate carpet and performatively dusting himself off with one hand and a stumped forearm. This was not standard habitat for dust bunnies or roaches. The room was nearly spotless, aside from a fold in the rug where he had tripped, the few pieces of costume and clothes that had already been shed, and wrinkles on the duvet cover.

Buggy tugged at his clothes and raked back his loose hair, before recalling his hand and spreading his arms wide.

“Right on time for the show,” he said with a grin far more vibrant than the painted smile smudged across his face.

Usually you arrived at the chosen location before Buggy, so it was uncommon for him to be the one welcoming you. It was rare. Actually, this was the first time. Years and years of Marine training built you into the punctual, prim-and-proper opposite that the lollygagging, law-breaking pirate adored.

When you first met, a few drinks, some sly comments, and his head between your legs was enough for you to find a loophole that you two could fuck and flirt within. You explained the legal grey areas and outlined an agreement to follow, but Buggy couldn’t follow a single word. He could only follow the movements of your hips as you rolled and grinded you both to climax.

Thankfully, the agreement was simple enough to be left in a message and read in the late morning with a skull-breaking hangover. Wait until he received another note - you’ll find a neutral location, somewhere safe for rules and broken protocols, and let the pirate know when to show up.

Buggy had lost count of how many notes he had received (nine - and he had them all shoved in a desk drawer). Still, every time he saw you, it felt like stepping into the afternoon sun. Warm, soothing, and wonderfully blinding.

You hardly had time to compliment Buggy’s unexpected timeliness without his lips pressed against yours. “I like this kind of welcome, Captain,” you slipped between kisses.

Fuck, that sounded so nice coming from your mouth. It tasted sweet, like honey. Buggy worked quickly to peel off your uniform. His movements were erratic, focused more on getting backstage access than lifting the entire curtain. Your half un-done top was pulled off your shoulder, exposing your neck and part of your chest for Buggy’s hungry attention.

“Thanks babe, n-no stains on the uniform,” you sighed while running fingers through his hair.

Yes, yes - he remembered this time and Buggy absolutely deserved your appreciation and praise. He wanted more. He loved listening to you talk.

Buggy felt you shift under him, giving assistance and picking up the fragments of his explosive desire. You unfastened the rest of your uniform, freeing yourself from all of the stark white clothing that constrained your body and kept you two apart. Buggy groaned against your skin. Soft and hot, perfect for those little bites that made you squeak and dig your fingers into any part of him that was in reach. He stiffened - twice - when your hands drifted lower, looking for more buttons, zippers, and buckles to fiddle with. The list of clothing barriers running through Buggy’s mind stopped abruptly when you paused after unbuttoning his pants.

Shit. He forgot something.

You reached into his pants, slipping below his underwear. Maybe you didn’t notice. As you wrapped a hand around his throbbing erection, Buggy melted against you. Resting his head on your shoulder, he huffed with each stroke and pressed pretty kisses against your skin.

“Tell me, Captain… What do you do when we’re not together?” Your composed voice flipped his stomach. It brought a calmness that managed created more chaos in his frenzied body. How did your voice always make him hornier than ever?

“I m-make do…”

“How?”

“The usual ways,” Buggy mumbled against your neck. He wouldn’t say it now, but that was a dumb fucking question.

You dragged a finger along his leaking tip, coaxing out precum and a full-body shudder from the pirate, before pulling your touch away and breaking out of his loose embrace.

“And what are ‘the usual ways’ for a Chop-Chop Man?” You broke into a teasing lilt. “I want to know what you were doing before I arrived.”

Oh fuck. You noticed.

You held up a hand, the afternoon sun catching on the collected drops. You knew.

“N-nothing! I was just waiting f-” Buggy’s indignant stammer was cut short by your finger pressed against his lips, forcing him to taste the familiar salty flavor.

You took your mostly cleaned finger and wiped the edge of his painted mouth.

“Don’t lie to me, you’re better than that. You’re normally not this…disheveled.”

Buggy frowned, ready to disagree, but your hand on his chin stopped the words.

“I like it, I just want to know what you were doing. I want you to show me.”

You were using that voice again. So fucking alluring and intoxicating, words that drift in one ear and out the other, saying things that Buggy would agree to without another thought. So he nodded, your hand following his bobbing head. The smile you gave was the perfect reward for his agreement.

When you let go of his chin, Buggy felt his confidence also depart. The horny feeling bubbling inside gave way to nerves that the pirate tried to push down. He glanced at you, half-hoping that he imagined the entire conversation and you were waiting to fuck not for him to…

The hunger in your eyes was beautifully intimidating. It was dangerous. Your expression shifted, your smile pulled tighter with expectation. Buggy’s eyes darted away to look at the bed before meeting your gaze and darting away again. A moment later, he gulped, nodded to himself, and tilted his head towards the bed.

“Take a seat in the spectator’s stand. VIP, the best seat…” Buggy chittered to distract himself while his hand detached and guided you to the plush bed.

You made yourself comfortable and leaned back against the wall of pillows. Decorative embroidered bolsters, tasseled throws, and plush down supported your nude frame. Buggy stood at the foot of the bed and shuffled his feet.

“Wow, this is a wonderful view.”

Poison. Your words were poison that quickly coursed through his body and Buggy was addicted. Aqua eyes locked with yours for a moment, and then the show started.

Buggy pulled his pants and underwear down, letting them catch on his thighs. His heavy cock bounced in the air, the tip red and slick. The slight curve upwards kept it from pointing directly at you. A wonderful view, indeed.

Rather than touching himself in one of the usual ways that might have been expected, Buggy reached up and placed his hands on either side of his head and removed it. Detached from himself, Buggy finally turned away from you. Getting his head into place was a practiced move. He knew exactly how to hold himself so that he could hear clearly. Where to level himself so precum smeared on his lips whenever his erection bobbed with anticipation. He also angled his body so you could see better.

With the feel of a kiss from his dick, Buggy paused. Is this what you expected? Is it what you wanted? He was full of desperate hope. Every beat in his chest echoed in one head and throbbed in the other.

“Keep going… You’re doing so well.”

His fingers twitched. Fuck, that’s what he needed. Opening his mouth, Buggy pulled his head down his hardness. His mouth was full and his mind was absolutely empty. Thinking was beyond impossible when his body had to process these feelings. There were so many. Too many.

The sensation of wet heat enveloping him. Warm breaths that tickled. A throat constricting around his cock. His balls pressing against a chin. A nose digging into his pelvis. His nose.

There was more. His mouth stretched wide open, aching with every pulse. The teasing taste of precum. Drool escaping. Tears pricking his eyes. Hands that grabbed, squeezed, and pet. The filthy sounds of grunts and groans, gagging and choking, obscene and wet noises.

The feeling of using and being used like this was indescribable.

“Fuck…”

The breathy word danced through his empty head like a butterfly.

“You take such good care of yourself.”

Buggy’s eyes rolled back and he sputtered on his cock, struggling to moan when there was no room in his mouth. He pulled his head back and took a moment to refill his lungs with fresh air.

“You like sucking yourself off, Captain? Looks like you’re really good at it,” you asked in a voice dripping with desire and moving in time with the hand between your own legs.

Buggy licked his lips and nodded against his hands.

“No, let me hear you say it.”

A sharp inhale preceded the next word. “Yeah, it’s real good. Tastes good. F-feels fucking amazing.”

“Of course it does, you know yourself so well. Can you show me what else makes you feel good?” you cooed, wanting as much as he’d give you.

Adjusting the hold on his head to one hand cradling the back, Buggy sucked and kissed his balls. His wet cock found a spot to rest on his face, next to his red nose. A freed hand joined the fun and wrapped itself around his erection. Buggy’s eyes fluttered. There was something about stroking his cock overhead while his mouth, chin, and balls were coated in spit that really got to him.

“Babe, look at you. You’re amazing, you know that?”

The endearment nearly tipped Buggy over the edge. The need in his body was too much and overflowing with the tears in his eyes. His stomach was clenched so tight, trying to hold back the orgasm that he wanted just as badly as he wanted this moment to last forever.

With shaking hands and weak knees, Buggy closed the gap between himself and the bed and placed his head right-side up on the edge of the mattress. He swiped a thumb across his lips, his mind split between the feeling of his soft swollen flesh and the firm touch from his calloused hand.

“You’re gonna explode, huh? Go ahead, honey, you deserve it.”

The eagerness in your voice was undeniable. Any restraint or composure was gone, there were no hints of your strict Marine background left clinging to your words. You were just as captivated by the degenerate pirate as he was with you.

“Fuck, I love it when you talk like that,” Buggy admitted breathlessly.

“I’ll keep talking if you keep sucking. C’mon Captain, I know you can do it.”

“D-don’t stop-” Out-of-sync movements stopped the rest of Buggy’s words and thrust them back into his mouth.

One hand gripped the hair on the top of his head, while his other arm stretched out to keep his frame propped up. The sharp pull of his hair and pressure from being pushed into the mattress was the right amount of uncomfortable. Once steadied, Buggy’s hips thrust back and forth, filling his mouth and throat.

Meanwhile, your voice continued to drift through the room. A sweet balance to his own rough treatment. Soft pet names, delicious encouragement, praise of how well he used himself, compliments for being so good and for taking himself so deep.

Buggy’s whole body was shaking. His face was wet. His jaw ached. His fist ached from holding his hair. He was close and all it took was the right words in the right order.

“You look so pretty crying on your cock.”

Everything went white. A second stretched into eternity as the switch was flipped and Buggy lost control. Cum hit the back of his throat and was pushed further with each stuttering thrust. It never made sense, but the hot liquid seamlessly transitioned from dripping down his throat to down into his stomach. A burning in his chest grew, feeding on tension and exhaustion, begging for air.

Buggy cried out around himself, choking and coughing through the tears that blurred his vision. As though moving on it’s own, Buggy’s body pulled his head away, shoving it towards the middle of the bed, before collapsing. His knees sunk to the floor, cushioned by the rug. The blanket grew taut as his body slide backwards with the movement.

Gentle hands picked up the discarded head and wiped his eyes. A few bleary blinks cleared away the cloudiness so Buggy could see your flushed face. You held him with such tenderness, taking care even when you adjusted your hold, not wanting to jostle him after all that exertion. Your thumb carefully pushed up a drop of cream that escaped the corner of his mouth and a tongue darted out to savor the taste.

“Good job, Buggs,” you said gently, before pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead. The feeling lingered, sticky and sweet. “You’re not full yet, are you? Do you want to have another treat?”

“Yes,” Buggy gasped.

His head twisted desperately in your hands, blue hair dancing with the movement. Despite a stomach full of cum, the pirate’s hunger was insatiable and he wanted to be full of you. Always you.

[skyburger]

like i dont think we will ever get better than this. the power of the sun in the palm of my hand

dude... discs are so fucking cool. i really truly believe humanity peaked with the optical disc

[my-naughty-writings-and-musings]

Gimme more Gunmax, I beg of you

Beg no more, I have chapter two of this!

Synopsis for those who missed the first: Gunmax invites reader to "spend the night" with obvious intent, not knowing reader is fully aware that he's a virgin. Shenanigans will ensue.

NSFW Gunmax x Reader

Chapter Two

(NSFW, Robot Human Relations, Reader uses gender neutral pronouns, Sauciness to Increase with Additional Chapters)

Please like and reblog, and let me know what you think!

"Excellent!" he replied in a much higher pitch than usual, which he corrected with a hurried cough. Trying to pretend he was accustomed to having someone between his thighs, he sat back and dipped a hand to his panel, sliding his digits along the edges of his codpiece to emphasize the size. It was a solid recovery, and you were impressed by how in control he sounded when he spoke next. "I'll give you a hand with this-"

"Isn't that my job?" you interrupted before he could unlatch himself, refusing to give the mech a chance to take the lead as you slid your hand further up his thighs. Gunmax gasped when you brushed his panel for the first time, a shudder passing up the length of his lanky frame as he grabbed hold of the sheets for support. It wasn't the reaction of a bot that had experienced such a thing "countless times" as he'd bragged in the past, and he knew that just as well as you did. Once more his efforts to recover and resume his facade were swift but thoroughly unconvincing.

"O-obviously, baby." he said without a trace of confidence, so flustered by your boldness he sat in a daze for several seconds before remembering the next step. Clearing his throat again and betraying his nerves with every hesitant movement, he stiffened as if bracing for a physical blow when he retracted his panel, half erect spike bobbing upwards as it was freed before settling right in front of you. Able to feel the heat of his nervous arousal, you let your approval be known with an appreciative grin to give him some reassurance. The gesture was fully genuine, as you were quite pleased with what you'd have to play with. Looking forward to all the fun you could have from the white base to the teal ridges and head, your hungry gaze helped the mech feel reassured enough to get back to making a spectacle of himself. Gunmax settled more comfortably into the bed and arched his hips in a very showy bid for attention. "Like what you see?"

"Very much, yes. How do you like to be pleased?" you asked, subtly giving him a chance to take the lead. It seemed fair to allow him one more opportunity to admit he hadn't actually done this before, even if you were confident he wouldn't take it. True to your prediction, he continued his charade, either too clueless to realize you'd figured it out or too smug to believe he could be caught.

"I'm not picky, just go to town." he purred, voice subdued thanks to his nerves. You were almost frustrated by his stubborn refusal to just admit he hadn't the slightest idea what he was doing, but were having too much fun to really care. Did he not know how easy it was to call his bluff? Or how much easier it was going to get once his lack of experience actually caught up with him?

"Come on, there has to be something you like more..." you said with expertly faked innocence, pretending you hadn't a clue he was struggling. It was actually adorable how easily you could see through his act; from the subtle nervous quiver along his frame to the hesitation in his every move, he couldn't have been a more obvious virgin. Your affection didn't prevent you from playing unfairly though, so for a merciless start you wrapped your hands around the base of his erection, fingers overlapping as you squeezed and dragged them over the smooth mesh to stimulate his sensory nodes on the way up to the tip. Optics widening behind his visor, he stiffened and gasped so loudly your voice was barely audible. "Are you more into manual, like this?"

Large hips arched obediently up into your grasp as you pumped him without a response, your smirk broadening as he entered a daze after only seconds of stimulation. Continuing your assault, you opened your mouth wide to drag your tongue showily up the head of his cock, savoring the smoothness and thinking idly of how nice it'd feel to ride as he let out the skakiest cry you'd ever heard. Pretending not to notice how he trembled, you pulled back to lick your lips as if you'd done nothing unchaste. "Or do you prefer tongue?"

It was a good thing Gunmax was lying down, as the wave of dizziness that crashed over him would have had the Biker collapsing to the ground. Catching his breath and releasing a subtle cloud of steam, he pulled himself back into a halfway upright position and sputtered into a comeback, grin wavering despite obvious enjoyment.

"Both are... very nice." he gasped, trying to pretend you hadn't rocked his entire world. Far from done, you secured one hand at the back of his cock and the other over the front, finding the sweet spots by observing how much his composure crumbled when you massaged particular portions of his length. A full body quiver guided your thumbs beneath the tip, where they rubbed firm circles into the heated mesh, which swelled into your grasp as if asking for more. You were fairly certain his optics were crossed behind his visor based on how his voice trembled. "Very, very nice... ahhh..."

As delightful as it would be to watch him paint his finish after a few simple minutes of attention, you were too stubborn to let him off that easily. Rolling your eyes, you chuckled and ceased the handjob, keeping him in your grasp but refusing to move. He managed to bite down a whimper of betrayal as he snapped his helm down to meet your gaze.

"You've never done this before, have you?" you asked pointedly, smile turning to more of a smug smirk. The panic in his expression was simply too adorable to be mad at, especially when he cleared his vents and continued his tireless efforts to play dumb.

"What do you mean?" he asked, voice cracking as he slipped back into his persona.

"I said you're a virgin."

"Hah! I'd be offended if that wasn't hilarious." he retorted, able to properly banter now that you'd paused your massage. Antenna flicking in amusement, he returned your smirk, pitting his willpower against your own despite having been putty in your hands mere moments before. "Don't flatter yourself too much, baby. I've had countless lovers before you."

If he was so determined to lie, you felt it only fair that you matched his commitment, and your expression shifted to sickeningly sweet. It was almost remarkable how much mouth he had, considering you were still holding his erection. Not that you'd ever do anything to make him regret that...

"Really? Is that why you're so sensitive when I do this?"

A hard lick in the sensitive spot you'd identified sent a shiver through his entire frame, and still you doubled down, circling your tongue over the heated ridges as your hands pumped along the sides. An enthusiastic throb into your mouth told you it was working, and a strangled keen he couldn't suppress urged you to continue, your lips leaving a trail of sloppy kisses that each drew a barely audible whimper past his lips. You knew he was having a good time and wanted to make it better, but you wanted honesty first.

"Ahhh... hah... been a bit too busy to take care of myself lately." he murmured, hand covering his face. Failure to muffle a moan into his palm, he also couldn't keep from blushing across his cheeks or emitting hot puffs of steam from his vents, making such a spectacle of himself there was no way he didn't notice.

"Obviously. That's why you can't keep your mouth shut. More than usually, anyway." you teased, getting close to giving him a true ultimatum. With every inch of him quivering and the cock under your tongue throbbing as if begging, you could tell he was getting close, and as evil as it may have been you weren't above stopping at the last second. Playfully sliding your tongue along the tip, you watched pre-fluid bead on the pulsing tip as you met his steamed visor. "Just level with me, biker boy."

"D-don't... don't know what you... mean..." he faded off, helm rolling back as his hips began bouncing into your touch. Digits digging in to the makeshift bed, he started to twitch at the overwhelming pleasure, ventilations growing haggard and helpless. As delightful as he looked on the edge, you were fully committed to your stance, and only allowed him to teeter until he was just shy of completion. Removing your mouth from the tip, you released your hold and left him thrusting into the air. The sudden absence of stimulation right before completion hit the mech almost like a wound. Crying out and looking down to your smirk with betrayal, he could only snap a single word. The stammer as he did so told you everything you needed to know. "H-Hey!"

Though he towered over you, the biker felt quite small as he met your smirk, optics betraying his awareness that he'd been caught.

"Be honest, and I'll keep going."

[versegm]

Coming out of my self-imposed tumblr ban cuz this is the third post I see along the lines of "man we gotta jump ship" so here are some other ways to be social/do fandom/ect. I'm not gonna call them "tumblr alternatives" because I won't lie to you these are gonna be very different experiences from tumblr. But if you use tumblr as a way to meet new people/post your thoughts/do fandom/keep up with folks, then maybe one of these is worth looking into.

COHOST

I don't use Cohost so idk if it's good or not, but all the people who use it tell me it's A Whole Lot Like Tumblr. Got pretty mixed reviews on this one, people seem to either love it or hate it, either way you could check it out it's free.

PILLOWFORT

My main bitch, so I can actually talk about it.

Pros:

Lots of cool privacy features

Porn is allowed

Website has been consistently getting updates and listening to the userbase

No ads because it's user-funded

Cons:

Being user-funded means the website is frequently struggling with money

NEOCITIES

This one isn't really a social media, it's a host for websites.

Pros:

You can do whatever the fuck you want here

Cons:

You have to code it all yourself

If you didn't immediately skip this rolling your eyes, here are some ressources to get a blog running with minimum efforts, and a cool zine to figure out what to put on your blog.

FANLISTING

Ye Old internet way to find new peeps in your fandom. It's a list of fans. I'm listing thefanlisting.org here because it's the biggest hub of fanlistings out there, but there are plenty that aren't listed so if you've got a topic dear to your heart it might be worth googling up "[fandom/ship/character] fanlisting" and see what turns up.

Pros:

It's literally just adding your name to a list of fans. Low spoon effort.

Cons:

If you want to talk to any of the people on the fanlisting you have to actually manually contact them via email or website or whatever they provided for contact. High social anxiety effort.

Anyways that's all I got chief. You probably already heard of half of those and the other half might have made you go "hey wtf that's not at all what I use tumblr for why would I need these" and the answer is it's not my problem. I discovered these when looking for ways for me personally to do social media so if you do social media differently sorry I can't help ya. But hey maybe you'll discover something new who knows.

Preemptive answers to things I am sure will clog my notifications for years to come:

None of these are like tumblr! Look bestie this is like the fifth time people consider abandoning tumblr at this point you have to make your peace with the fact that there is no other website like this one.

The websites you mentioned are nearly empty there's no one in my community here! Bro if you want a website with lots of people you don't need me listing off where you can go you already know where people are going (aka: Bluesky) If you're so scared to be alone then invite your buddies to move there together so you can chat together idk. Be the change you want to be in the world.

I'm not gonna use these. Then you've got my blessing to not use these. I assure you you don't need to reblog this post just to tell me you won't use these. I don't care.

Anyways. Peace. Dunno how many people this is gonna be useful to, but if you wanted to branch out of the usual reddit/bluesky/twitter, hopefully this will help.

Bunch of pillowfort invite codes under the cut since I got a bunch. Sorry I got no cohost as I said I don't use that one.

[resowrites]

Growing Pains - oneshot.

Summary: Henry does his best to reassure his pregnant wife about her changing body…

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Wife!OC

Warnings: fluff, banter/British humour, language, dialogue heavy, nondescript OC body type/appearance, some talk of body image issues, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 1320

A/N: My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

Growing Pains - oneshot.

"Are these scales broken?" Her voice echoed from the bathroom, causing Henry to look up from the book he was reading.

"No, why?"

"It says I've gained three pounds!"

"… So?"

"What do you mean 'so?'" He blinked, unsure of the correct response.

"Well… you're pregnant. Surely you expected to start gaining a bit of weight?" Her mouth dropped open.

"Three pounds is hardly a 'bit' of weight, I'm not even out of the first trimester!" She harrumphed and began stepping on and off the scale.

"Careful, you'll break them."

"Why, cos now I've gotten so fat?!" She snapped.

"Okay, this is obviously gunna be a long one," Henry muttered as he temporarily closed his book.

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Ollie, I don't know what you expect me to say, just try turning them on and off again." She began fiddling with the underside of the scales, though a much deeper frown appeared on her face.

"Now it says 'error,' oh God, am I so big I've busted them?"

"No, now come to bed."

"What happened to the manual scales you had?"

"I dunno, all we've got is the kitchen scales--"

"And how am I expected to use them?!"

"Well, I suppose you could always weigh yourself bit by bit and then add up the numbers?" He could see her nostrils flare. "Or I could fill the bath to the brim and measure the volume of water spilled--"

"Carry on matey and I will drown you in that bloody bathtub!"

"See? You don't want my ideas you just want to mean. Well, I'll bid you goodnight, madam." Henry then turned over to go to sleep.

"Oh no you don't!" She ripped back the bed covers.

"You know those scales probably are broken, you must have burned a good two hundred calories just this last half an hour having a go at me--"

"Oh shut up!"

"Why?! All I've done is try and help you!"

"No, you haven't, you've just been a little turd as per usual."

"Well then stop being ridiculous and come to bed, you look fine."

"Just fine?!" He sighed.

"Ravishing, exquisite, magnificent… now come to bed." She stepped off the scales a final time and turned to look at Henry pleadingly.

"Darling, I need you to be honest."

"Uh oh…"

"Is my arse the size of Japan?" He struggled not to laugh.

"… Which part?" She huffed and threw a toilet roll at Henry. "Oh come on, you were begging for that! If you're that concerned about your arse, come over here and let me get a good look at it…"

"I think not, pervert. God, I can't believe I've put on so much weight, at this rate I'll have a backside a hundred miles wide by the end of my pregnancy!"

"That's about the size of Osaka isn't it?"

"Henry, this is not a joke!"

"Well, are you sure you weren't three pounds heavier beforehand?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!"

"Calm down, I was only trying to help! You look beautiful Ollie, always have, always will." But she wasn't listening.

"Perhaps the weight's gone to my chest, do my boobs look bigger?"

"How would I know? You won't rest them on my face for me to be able to tell." That time she threw a towel at him. "Will you please stop chucking the contents of our bathroom at me?!"

"No, I will not. Now answer me, do my boobs look bigger?"

"I dunno, stand to the side--"

"HENRY I AM LOSING MY SODDING PATIENCE!"

"Well, what a bloody surprise! Anyway, you don't want reassurance you just want someone to be mad at. It's not my fault you're pregnant!"

"Oh no, then whose fault is it? Our Amazon driver?"

"Oh that reminds me, did my protein powder come today--"

"HENRY!"

"Alright, alright. And if you're looking for tampons to throw they're on the second shelf in the bathroom cabinet." She then got so mad she slammed the bathroom door, causing Henry to giggle. "Do you want me to bring in your pillow so you can be comfier?"

"Fuck off."

"Suit yourself. I wouldn't sleep in the bath though, it'll make your snoring echo." She unexpectedly opened the door.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. Come here…" She held out her arms for a hug and he darted out of bed, eager to oblige. But without warning, she shoved Henry into the bathroom and locked the door.

"What… what are you doing? Ollie?! Let me out!"

"No, I don't think I will. Goodnight Henry, if you get cold wrap yourself in the shower curtain--"

"Wait! I'm sorry okay?!"

"No, you're not, you were rude and unsupportive of your pregnant wife--"

"Yes, and I'm sorry--"

"Don't interrupt! You have to learn Henry, and if that means you spend the night in the bathroom, then so be it."

"Well at least let me say goodnight to the baby!"

"Nope, they're annoyed with you too."

"How can you tell?"

"Cos I've got heartburn--"

"Then let me out and I'll bring you up a cup of tea and Rennies--"

"Nope, not good enough." He wracked his brains.

"Alright then, how about a foot rub?" She considered it for a moment. Henry seized his chance. "And you don't look bigger to me, but even if you did it wouldn't matter. I'd love you if you weighed a thousand pounds--"

"Are you trying to tell me I look ginormous?!" He swallowed hard.

"No! Just that I don't care what happens either way. I love you, darling - big arse or small." Henry could practically feel her anger radiating toward him. She then became eerily quiet and he half expected an axe to crash through the bathroom door. "Ollie? Is everything okay? Can you open the door? I'm not sure I locked all the knives away in the kitchen…" But what Henry heard in response sounded like whimpering. She was crying. His heart lept into his throat. "Ollie, let me out, please. Ollie? Oh, darling… I'm sorry, okay? There's no need to get upset, I was just joking! You know I never know what to say, I'm a man, alright? Stupidity is second nature to us… Ollie? Just open the door so I can see you're alright." Reluctantly she agreed and the look on her face made Henry's stomach drop. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Now, you listen to me. You're growing a human life. It's messy, difficult, and yes, your body's going to change. But it's the last thing I want you to worry about--"

"But what if you won't find me attractive anymore!" She wailed.

"Don't be daft--"

"Henry, stop acting like we're a regular couple. You could have anyone--"

"Stop right there. I chose you to be my wife for a reason. And no, it wasn't just the sex," she rolled her eyes. "Now, you and your lovely arse are going to get into this bed so it can be appreciated in all its glory--" she quickly dashed to the wardrobe, removing something Henry could only get a glimpse of. When he saw what she put on, he burst out laughing. "I didn't know they were remaking Little House on the Prairie!" She threw an alarm clock at Henry though he managed to catch it one-handed.

"Stop it! You said I was attractive no matter what!"

"Yeah, but there's a limit! Did my mum loan you that?" He pointed up and down at the long, cotton nightie.

"No, she did not! And if you don't mind, I'm already feeling self-conscious!"

"Well, there's no need to wear a potato sack! Hang on, I think I've got some long johns I can put on…" She threw up her hands in defeat and swiftly removed the nightdress. Henry let out a low whistle. "Much better! Come here, you…" She giggled as he chased her into bed.

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