#nothing i just have free time rn and i wanna spend time on it rambling and yes im tagging the public tag lol

[arcanegifs]

On Gifmaking:

So season 2's coming soon, and I wanna reflect on making gifs ever since I came back to Tumblr. I can't believe it's been 2 years of making gifs for this show!!!!! Look at how large my folder is lmao

And those are JUST gifs lol

Anyways, over time, my style has changed, especially how I color edit Arcane gifs. I kind of strayed away from a stylized filter color into just something that looks a lot more "natural" and works with the original scene.

Initially, I thought I'd save time, but I ended up not using my old arcane preset PSDs and resulted to coloring almost every scene manually. So in the end, it takes even longer to make them HAHAHA. It takes around an hour and a half for me to make a 10 gif set, basically. It also helps that I have a photography background, so coloring/editing is a lot simpler for me.

Here's a lil before and after of a dark scene (hiiiii viiiiiii <3)

Arcane is a REALLY dark show, but it goes for most of TV shows. Many of them are darker and harder to bring up the lights to make stuff look nice as gifs. Some people don't like to color their gifs, and that's okay. I personally just like color edited gifs more.

I've started learning how to upscale scenes myself, so that I have a better resolution and leeway to make things look "HD" more.

If you're wondering why my stuff look so "crisp", it's a combination of the scene's lighting, my sharpening settings on Photoshop and knowing how to upscale everything into 4k resolution. Of course, doing this needs an extremely beefy pc, which I am very lucky to own one.

Here's another before and after of a nicely lit scene. These are much, MUCH easier to do than all the darkly lit scenes because of shadows and lighting (caitlyn kiramman truly the rizzler <3)

I've been very lucky to be able to essentially take a nice, long break for like a month doing nothing after being so damn busy for the last year and a half, so it's nice that I was able to make a ton of gifs and be chronically online for a short while LMAO.

It's been so fun! But it's time to go back to reality lmao. I closed reqs for a bit because I was just so swamped with them the last few days, and I wanted to gif scenes that I like this time. I've done like 2 weeks worth of gifs. And you will see Vi a lot bc she's on my mind a lot heehee 🥰what can I say, she's such a babe <3

Here's a lil sneak peek, just look at herrrrrrr 🥰🥰🥰 and yeah, 4k upscaled resolution really helps making these tight crops, it's why i never went back to 1080p lol. It's how I’m able to make zoomed in gifs look decent (like the kirammountains gifset lol)

Thank you so much for all the support, likes, reblogs, and the nice tags you guys give. Yes, I can see and read all of them (both the nice and nasty ones lmao). If you have nothing good to say about the characters or my editing style, or anything related to the edit, please I beg you, just write a separate text post about it <3 If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it in my edits.

Lastly, thank you to the people who share my stuff outside the site and credit the blog and link them back here. I see you and appreciate you <3 You guys don't know how much I appreciate shoutouts and link backs, because people stealing my gifs is something that I've dealt with after making them for like a decade.

Tumblr is sadly not what it used to be in the 2013-2015 era. There’s definitely less activity as time goes by, so I appreciate all the people who credit and link back to this sideblog. Unfortunately, there’s more people who just repost them and it gets wayyy much more traction in other soc med sites. Yeah, ofc I get a lil jealous, but eh what can you do 😞 can’t really stop em.

I also don’t like putting watermarks because it personally looks tacky to me, but I understand why other people do it.

Anyways, if you reached at the end of this lil rambling of mine, thank you! I sadly might be busy during November because that's usually busy season, but I'll try to make time for making gifs of Season 2! Thank you and enjoy your stay on this lil sideblog :)

[silverselfshippingchaos]

the way she looks at him here... goodness...

[blue-eyed-korra]

Lauren and Kieran’s Relationship: Action not Words

*Mini rant before the actual post:

So apparently someone shared my post about Kieran to the Purple Hyacinth group on Band (shoutout to @lanxyuu​​ for showing me this) and a bunch of people there liked it including Sophism herself which is crazy because this comic has become my life??? And the work she and Eph do is amazing??? And she said she liked my brain!?!?!? AHHHHHHH- sorry I’m still shook but I honestly can’t believe that she actually liked my work just... AHHHHHHHH!

*Mini rant ended here*

Anyways, seeing as how I’m currently a broke, unemployed, soon-to-be-grad student under quarantine, I have no coins to fastpass the last episodes of PH. Believe me it is the greatest tragedy of my life. But I still wanna write more about PH so what should I do? Well I decided to write about how we can learn more about Lauren and Kieran’s relationship through their non-verbal interactions. By looking at how they act around each other rather than just what they say, we can get a better sense for what their relationship was like before episode 43, and where it may go from there. Now I’m not gonna talk about every single time they interact with each other because some are irrelevant, it would take way too long to write and this post would become even more of a mess than it already is. 

Now you might be thinking this is just an excuse to discuss one of my favourite ships because their relationship in the comic isn’t the greatest rn and I don’t want to/can’t accept that they may not get together (in the foreseeable future), and you’d be right. Let me have this. 

Ok so the first scene I wanna talk about is the very first physical interaction they have where they’re not actively attacking/trying to kill each other. I’m talking of course about when they make the deal to work together in episode 11.

What I like about this is that it’s both impersonal and intimate, because they’re both doing this for their own reasons and they both see the other as a means to an end, but it’s also a blood pact. Kieran cuts his hand and offers it to her, and Lauren accepts in kind. They’re becoming bound to each other, but all in the common interest to take down the Leader.

The same can also be said for when they go dancing; it’s just an act. A way to blend in and find Anslow. They tango and banter and get all close and we all lived for it (hell I’m still living for it), because it’s hot and the sexual tension is insane but to them it’s just apart of the operation and doesn’t really mean anything. Like when she later seduces Anslow to get him alone. It’s all a part of the plan

I’d say the moment we see the biggest shift is after the whole Blakelsey situation. They’re back at the cave and Lauren is pretty shook because not only did Kieran save her life, but he showed her that he really does try to avoid killing when given the choice. So when she sees he’s injured and struggling with his bandages, she goes to help him.

Sidenote: This is completely unrelated to anything in this post but I just wanted to say that I never realised how attractive a back could be until I saw Kieran’s so thank you Soph for giving this to us🙏🏻

You can see this is part of her way of thanking him for saving her before she actually tells him. You can see that she’s beginning to reevaluate the idea of him that she has in her head, because his actions that night contradict everything she assumed about him. This is the moment she begins to see his humanity. And he’s pretty shocked too because he’s accustomed to doing everything alone and her of all people offering her help and thanks is wild to him, but more about how Kieran feels later.

Things change the most for Lauren after the whole Grim Goblin incident. She’s jumped out of a hotel window, into a tree and fell several storeys to the ground. Kieran finds her injured and trying to play it off as nothing because 1) She’s a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man, and 2) Because she’d rather not get the help of this man in particular. But he calls bullshit and scoops her up bridal style. Again, she’s shook because the Purple Hyacinth is carrying her bridal style, but it wears off quickly and she begins struggling out of his grip. The piggyback is clearly a compromise where he can still carry her but it’s less intimate and, dare I say, ‘damsel-like’ than before. I also think Lauren was ok with the piggyback because it made her taller than Kieran and therefore more in control lol.

Then they get to his apartment and she one again tries to brush off her injuries but the the turn tables and Kieran is the one helping patch her up. He picks her up, puts her on the table and rips her sleeve off to get a better look at her cut.

One thing I wanna point out is her reaction to him being so close.

She’s clenching her fist on the edge of the table because he is way into her personal space. You can practically feel his breath on her neck. He’s being very clinical about everything and probably can’t feel her discomfort, but we as readers can feel just how uncomfortable and anxious she is. This man just carried her to his home and is checking her wounds and is gonna patch her up and it’s breaking every preconceived notion she had of him in her head. He’s not some murderous monster *wink wink* whose sole purpose is to spread misery and pain. He’s just a man who lives in an apartment and likes to read and draw and eats and breaths just like any other person. Logically, she knows that he’s a human, but actually seeing it is another thing entirely. And her realizing this now only makes everything that goes down in episode 43 hurt that much more.

I realize that most of this word vomit essay is about how Lauren feels, but what about Kieran? What can we lean about how he feels about Lauren? Well, that’s gonna be a bit trickier. For one thing, Lauren is the main character, therefore we spend way more time in head than his by a long shot. We know less about his motivations and personality than we do about hers. All of this contributes to the mystery that is Kieran White. But there are moments we can learn things about him, especially when his true feelings shine through.

One thing that demonstrates this a lot is when Lauren surprises him. There are times when Lauren says or does something and for just a second, it throws Kieran off and has him really think about the mystery that is Lauren Sinclair.

We see this happen a few times: First when they’re preparing to go get Anslow and he sees her disguise and the gun strapped to her thigh, Next when she’s thanking him for saving her life and finally when he sees her the morning after she sleeps over.

With the first one he’s more pleasantly surprised than anything, seeing officer goodie-twoshoes being this resourceful and sneaky. He expected her to be more of a straight-lace killjoy, but now he’s seeing more of her ‘bad girl’ side and it’s interesting.

He’s more shocked than surprised when she thanks him for saving her. Like I said before, he’s an assassin. When do you think the last time he was thanked for saving a life rather than taking one? Probably never honestly. And now this woman, who he knows doesn’t like him very much, is helping him with his bandages and offering him gratitude and he’s kind of in awe of it all. Of course we see him try to brush it off by being a jackass (and we love him for it) but still, I see you Kieran👀.

I think the final scene is the most interesting tho. Because he comes back from getting her stuff at the cave and just sees her standing there. She doesn’t do anything or say anything out of the ordinary. She’s just standing there... in one of his shirts and basically nothing else... in his apartment... the morning after sleeping in his bed. 

He was confused as to why he brought her there the night before and he’s never brought anyone to his home before, so I think seeing her like this, all casual in his space despite everything, is really driving home just how close they’ve become and how he hasn’t had anything remotely close to a friend or companion or whatever they are in years.

But once again, this was all before episode 43, which still hurts my soul. I know things are gonna be different after everything, but I hope that Lauren and Kieran are able to express themselves more with each other as the story continues.

So yeah, this is a mess. If you’ve made it this far, congrats! Now this post was more of a labour of love than I initially thought because it took literally a whole day to write and then got deleted the next day! So this is the rewrite. Lowkey happy it got deleted because this is far less rambling than before. Take a moment to let that sink in. As I’m writing this episode 48 is only a couple hours from being made free for everyone. Watch me come back on here and post another essay about it lol. Looking forward to doing more of these though! Thanks for all the feedback and remember to send the creators some love!

[souvercines]

took me ages to wrap this up between a low battery and trying not to ramble TOO much, but part two, here we go glfkdsj

✰ ––– ni ni. cis female. she/her // you don’t know ? that’s RENÉE WU ! they’re a THIRTY-FOUR year old real estate executive from LONDON, ENGLAND. as part of manhattan’s elite, the wayfarer is known to be DILIGENT & AUDACIOUS. most people recognize them by bold power suits, waking up refreshed beneath silk sheets, tipping generously, heels clacking against hardwood, three passport photos. ( kat, 22, nt, she/her )

born wu xiurong to a hong kong born, uk raised father and a chinese national mother, renée was similarly set for success as caro, but with way WAY less cracked antics and without caro’s ( self-perceived ) limitless privilege

( and for the record, renée herself went from being a dual citizen to a uk citizen bc china is funny like that.. though citizenship laws are weird so she might be considered dual since she’s been in america for a good bit ?? god help me DFLGJSK )

papa wu and his siblings are at the helm of a hong kong-based real estate development firm that has since flourished into a sotheby’s/christie’s-like group, but her geographical background is a tad more complex than that.. as if it wasn’t clear enough a second ago but let me explain sijfg

she and her older brother were born and raised in the uk; so while papa wu and his family were busy building up their company with many trips abroad, renée, her brother and her mom hung back in london for the most part — though some of her summers were spent in hong kong, with family in mainland china or along the beaches of the mediterranean when she wasn’t embracing the countryside of her home country during term breaks

however, at age 12, she and the family moved to edinburgh so she could attend a more prestigious private school — and so they could be a bit closer to her brother who was spending time at the renowned st. andrew’s university

speaking of her brother, they have quite the age gap, so while they do love each other and all that, they aren’t necessarily close. he was always primed to be something of an heir and he was more than cool with that, while renée was more keen on taking her time to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.... though the answer was laid out in front of her regardless and she would ultimately join her brother in her later years

she loved seeing the blueprints and little online models of projects the company was included in, the construction of a high-rise apartment building and the potential layout/design of it. it piqued her interest that her father’s start as a real estate agent brought him to this point, and it made her want to work hard as well, especially within the family business

as not to neglect mama wu, she was something of a socialite; having come from a somewhat wealthy family herself, her and her husband couldn’t be more different in terms of self-discipline and aspirations. however, she put her energy into more charitable and community-focused avenues as her children grew older, in which they were sometimes involved in upcoming events and activities

in renée’s eyes, they were a dream team in their own way when they would reunite, and the lessons that came with their individual and mutual grinds sort of paved the way for her

unlike her brother, she wound up attending london school of economics and majored in finance and staying on for her masters in real estate economics

she later began to work her way up the family business, first as an agent in the uk and at present, as an executive with plenty of investment in bigger projects and smaller listings with some of her past clients

her job has taken her to different cities for weeks or months at a time, but at the age of twenty-eight, she dubbed nyc home as the company expanded into east coast america, having lived in the city ever since !

personality and extras

she is.. quite a mess i guess ?? in terms of traits, i mean

she’s definitely independent and driven, the right amount of courteous in professional and kind of elite settings, not afraid to make tough decisions and take risks

like she’s lighthearted with coworkers and such, but she will sometimes reprimand someone a little bit harsher than necessary when stressed about x thing for instance

but aspects of this are a mask that slips off quick and are replaced by something of a jubilant free spirit, someone who enjoys herself with anything from a night in with a good book and some light piano arrangements playing in the background, to going to her fave restaurant with a few pals for a drink every couple of weeks and possibly going to a club or bar if she’s in the mood

passionate beyond her career, is the complete opposite of caro when it comes to her love life; she’s loyal and when she’s committed, she’ll put a great deal of effort into the relationship

she’s definitely sentimental, loves her family and will cherish the hell out of you as a friend once you’ve solidified yourself in her life

a world-class traveller, which kinda went without saying from her label lbr KFLSDJG

she just. loves to explore ! sometimes acts without thinking to make the most of a given journey, was totally the type to cliffdive with pals in greece or parasail in the caribbean

and she still is, but she’s toned it down a bit for the sake of ensuring she doesn’t look wrecked whenever she returns to work JDFKSLGJD

a major city dweller with an affinity for nature and rural destinations ! her apartment is probably riddled with fresh flowers or a diffuser that reminds her of the sea/rainfall, while most of her travels that aren't related to work or seeing family takes her to the countryside, the forest or a waterfront cottage

renée tends to be pretty active as well and those rather secluded, decongested places enable her to make the most of it versus going to a gym or out on the street with a hoard of tourists and citizens at every turn

besides, swimming in a lake or hiking a trail to sightsee is more of her speed than a ton of strength training and being on an elliptical sfgkdljfsdl

has a little tricoloured furbaby cat named lulu who she Adores, has a nice little bed and all for her too

i... drk what else but she’s a solid pal, a focused businesswoman and basically a lot of things that caro is not, which is a relief tbh GDSFLK

some wcs/plot ideas

i’m sure she’s living in some nice, modern apartment building.. at least on the inside, bc something tells me she’d go for a building made of brick with charm lkdsfjgkl, but nonetheless, having a couple of neighbours around would be great ! they could be good pals or just elevator buds/neighbours who communicate solely through the wall or something, idk

anyone from the uk that wants to be her longtime pal ?? or who went to school in the uk ? literally just give her a super close friend who she’d take on those nights out or have a nice little dinner at her/their place !

someone who looks after lulu while she’s abroad, not really a stand-alone connection but it’s uh.. a big deal for her so DSGKLJ

an ex-fiancé(e), likely one of those instances of being TOO similar but not in a couple of key areas, to be quite honest.. or something completely different SDFGJLKS i redacted a whole blurb that 1am!me came up with that was just too much, but they probably would’ve been together for 3 or 4 years before calling it off. i’d imagine she still loves them/cares deeply for them, but she probably wouldn’t rekindle the relationship anytime soon ( .. or at all, idk man dgsflkj )

someone she’s been sleeping with for a bit while she gets her mojo back ?? nothing serious, the girl just doesn’t wanna date right yet, but also doesn’t wanna fuck with a bunch of randoms kgfsdjklgd

give her any kind of pals, i’m blanking rn but someone she’s met on her travels is kind of an easy one i conjured up

she’s bound to not get along with some people, so consider this an opening for some frenemies/people she knows in passing but can’t get beyond small talk and such with each other

[friendshipismuses]

((hey guys! so this blog’s dead as fuck. you’ve probably noticed. I never really intended for it to be as active and loved as my Trixie or AJ, hence why they have their own blogs, BUT BUT BUT.... all this talk of the final season’s got me itching to do stuff with other characters. ones i’m very bad and rusty with, but i’m here for fun.

I feel like what I should do is make a wishlist! below the cut are ships I’d like to write / ideas in general that I’d like to write for each character. HEADS UP, it’s mainly ships and nothing too substantial ghjgfhjsjds i’m bad with coming up with thread ideas w/o knowing what muse it’ll be with. but there’s a few vague ideas in there.

if you’re interested in anything don’t be shy! reply to this post, IM me, inbox me, whatever. we can talk about it! I’m open to doing similar things with multiple people, too! we can change it up a bit. I don’t think I plot nearly as much as I should / would like to due to anxiety. lol.

anyways! yeah. that’s it. it’ll be under the cut. BUT IN CASE YOU DON’T CARE FOR SPECIFICS-

in GENERAL just in case you don’t know what to hit me with, i’m mostly itching to write starlight, fluttershy, pear butter, capper, autumn, and ember!!! I just feel those muses the most. those are in no order. so if you’ve hesitated before, try one of those guys!))

Starlight Glimmer

honestly, anything really. I don’t have any specific ideas for her. 

ships are always welcome. I don’t have any that I’m dying to write for her, so I’m just open to discussing anything.

but just some threads with her pals would be nice.

Twilight Sparkle

hoo boy after that trailer this is a lot to think about, mainly because I haven’t written her that much and I haven’t gotten much of a feel for my portrayal in particular.

bUT i’m way open to talking about it! I’ve noticed she’s the muse that’s probably gotten the most attention here. to my surprise. I kind of just added her bc I felt like I could probably pull her off. now I’m unsure. I feel pressure. there’s so many amazing Twis.

I really really really wanna write some TwiPie, funnily enough that’s probably my most wanted thing with her rn. That’s just one of my favorite ships, and I think it’d be cute and interesting to see how it goes. 

other favorite ships are Twixie and TwiLuna, not itching as much to write those for some reason, but I figured it’s worth mentioning. but Twilight ships in general are pretty damn good.

other than that, same goes for Starlight, I’m open to discussing anything.

i think I’ll need to see how season 9 goes before I have more specific ideas on where to take her, so as of rn I’d mainly prefer to just write before that until it happens and I know all the context. 

Rainbow Dash

up for anything, again.

she’s another one I added bc I felt like I’d be able to handle her, but I really love her as a character, so of course yes she’s here. 

would jump at the chance for some FlutterDash probably, bc I like it a lot, but I could write it with her or my Shy. doesn’t really matter.

other than that, any ship, really, she’s very shippable. my dash is of course a flaming lesbian tho i will say that. most of my muses are bi / pan but idk. dash just. girls.

I do want to just write more of her in general. She hasn’t gotten a lot of love here. Give the Wonderbolt some love. Not too much tho it might go to her head.

Fluttershy

okay so I love Fluttershy ships, they’re so cute, how could you not

mainly though I think I’d most like to write Rarishy. besides FlutterDash. and like. again. I can do either end of that. Rarishy’s a big want for some reason.

platonic Fluttercord is my shit! I love them! I don’t really ship it anymore for reasons mainly regarding the fandom, but anything can happen I guess. It really just depends if she clicks with a particular Discord enough. it’s just not something I’ll probably want to do right away if ever. I’m cool with Discords who have a crush on her tho, just know as of rn mine doesn’t see him in a romantic light. Just a best friend.

stuff with the animal sanctuary! they haven’t really mentioned that again I don’t think, but I really liked that idea.

Fluttershy is one of the characters that made me make this blog, bc I really wanted to write her but not enough to give her her own blog. so if you throw literally anything at Fluttershy I’ll probably never be mad. I like writing her.

Rarity

alright. so I love Rarity. but I added her later bc I always felt like I wouldn’t write her well. but the lack of Rarity here makes me depressed, so I decided I’d like to try my best!!!

would really enjoy to write Capperity, Rarijack, or again, Rarishy.

but other than that of course feel free to hit me up. those are just my favorites.

Pear Butter

Y’ALLLLLLL

anything

more specifically, I’d love to do threads with any Apples!!! naturally. past threads or AU threads. I have verses for either.

not really that open to shipping her with anyone other than Bright Mac, but I have a verse where they did split up in case someone hits me with something good. all you have to really do is ask.

I’d also like to do threads with just about any character, tbh! I love her and I’m itching to see her interact with everyone, be it past versions or current. Please please throw anyone at her. 

IF YOU INTERACT WITH MY APPLEJACK BLOG, I’ll definitely write with that in mind, if you’d like. Like, some AU threads, since I do like to mainly keep her parents being gone a thing over there. But it’d make my heart happy to see her interact with AJ’s friends, even more so my AJ’s friends.

Capper Dapperpaws

I love this boy so much. He’s one of my favorite characters. I had my own blog for him but lost the login like an idiot. I just think I’m shit at writing him.

BUT THAT WON’T STOP ME FROM DOING IT

threads with him spending time in Equestria. learning how things work. being accepted and loved like he deserves. having a good time. all that jazz.

honestly kind of would like to write him as eventually somehow earning up enough to come and stay in Ponyville. anyone have any morally correct jobs for him?

just get him out of Klugetown tbh it’s no good for the poor baby.

but like. i’m 100% down for threads in Klugetown despite that.

I can probably come up with more specific ideas if you just wanna plot! I really beat myself up over not remembering how to get into the account I had just for him, truly. if I ever figure it out I’ll move him back there, no questions asked.

ANYWAYS as mentioned above I’d love to write Capperity. but tbh I’d be interested in shipping him with a lot of characters. so don’t feel afraid to ask!! also I’d shamelessly write more Trixie/Capper from the other perspective. my favorite extremely rarepair.

Princess Skystar

SKYPIE! 

ok that’s it you can go

jk but goshhhh do I love that ship.

anyways, she’s another one I really haven’t written much. a shame. I want threads with the birb / fish. 

show her around Equestria or she can show you around her home! doesn’t matter!

Ember

another character that was a driving decision for this blog

I just wanna write about her learning how to be nicer, how to be the best ruler for her subjects

making friends, perhaps more than friends,

don’t really have any ships in particular for her, but i’m so down for suggestions, i think she’d be very interesting to ship with a lot of characters.

just dragon talk, man. i love dragons. i just wanted a dragon muse, now i’ve got one, and i’ve been neglecting her.

please send ember literally anything oh my god. 

Autumn Blaze

THIS CUTIE. i knew instantly that i’d make her a muse. i just don’t know if i’ll be any good with her yet. kinda added her right before being inactive. if she starts getting attention i’m definitely going to rewatch the episode for good measure.

just be her friend please. listen to her ramble on. she just wants somebody to listen.

would really like to write some Autumnjack tbh. I like that ship. you can hit my Applejack up with it too if you write Autumn, idc.

as usual other ships are fine, throw ideas at me.

really wanna see her just. interact with others. since she kinda didn’t for a while lmao. also the kirin are just so interesting. let her talk to you about them.

[lpfreakification]

Almost feel fully rested

I've been in bed, resting for the past two days. Not from sickness, but from burnout this time. I cant believe its already December. About a year soon that I started playing Kingdom Hearts. I should save the retrospective til xmas or towards the end of the month :P

I'm just rambling rn bcuz I'm bored + I got work in about an hour or so.

I think I have said something like this b4:

The hyperactive kid side of me: "I wanna do thing A, I wanna do thing B, I wanna do thing C! :D"

Me w/ my tired, overworked adult body: ugh...

I feel like I need to get in shape again so I can have more energy to do stuff I wanna do. Bonus for weight loss in the process but i dont really care about that too much. I need to be my own Power Ranger! Too bad they dont take breaks bcuz evil doings are constant. That says something about our society XP

...

I think I need a new job. I've been at my job for almost 6 years now + my needs/wants keep growing. It still wouldn't be a good time either bcuz I'm in school for my masters in animation (resuming in the spring). Or I could cut spending again. Ehhhhh... I just need to move on. I feel like I've been there long enough. I mean, which animation job (in the city) would pay good + have benefits that will be useful? I hate thinking too far ahead XP

Going back to now, the present. Been playing some Pokemon Y, then going back to sleep.

Oh yeah, I have Sundays off now. Not good >X( Just bcuz I'm off on Sundays doesn't mean I'm free to be dragged around by the fam. They always ask if I have Sundays off. Now that I do, im not looking forward to it.

Saturdays = more money

Saturdays off = more freedom (to do nothing)

(Yeah I gotta get out of here)

End scene.

[newgirlinthecorner]

Some quick letters

This is to my friends, personalized, in case they find this blog.

Also for my exes cause im salty

I really hope ya'll don't find it tho cause this is my diary sooooo

But if you do, this is for you, circa Feb 16,'19

So if you don't find yourself I'm either not close enough with you or i just don't know you yet♡

Btw this is in the order that yall come to mind (except the second to last one, ive been thinking about you nonstop for WEEKS)

Order:

Chloe, Ahlim, Seonmin, Chongwoo, Baron, Ella, Dale, Hannah L., Olivia S., Liv L., Marit, Maddy X., John, Abigail, Caitlyn, Terry, Harry, Ava, Adrian, Sanjana, Eliza, Juri, Lily M., Braeden, Dean, Ryan N., Chris P., Tyler, Ties

Chloe

Hey, what's up

Nothing here is new for you so I don't have much to tell you. Thank you for your friendship through all these years♡

Ahlim

I miss you.

Also, I've been congratulating you on your birthday every year till 2018. Yet you haven't congratulated me once.

But I hope you are well.

Remember how we said we'd meet up at Harvard?

I fully intend on holding up my side of the deal.

Seonmin

I'm sorry for being such a catastrophe whilst we were close. I hope I'm living up to what you think I am now.

Say hi to harabeoji for me♡

Chongwoo

Dude im sorry for how i tried to get with you but you didnt have to be so rude yknow like damn ok

another mothafuckin scorpio

Baron

I liked you for a longass time

Remember my letter you threw out in 4th grade? That shit still haunts me to this day.

I heard you really went downhill.

Sucks to be you ig

Ella

I love you so much

We need to talk more

I know you're seeing this rn, so hmu cause i miss you but im too awkward to say so properly

Also, feel free to show people that you're friends with their respective sections in this post.

Dale

S Q U I S H

You deserve many love you adorable being and i love you very much

I miss you if it isnt obvious

Hannah L.

I really hope you're doing well. Are you still swimming? I bet your English is amazing now♡ I hope you get into an Ivy League like you've wanted to.

Olivia S.

How've you been? We need to talk.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say, we didn't spend all that much time together.

But I haven't forgotten you.

Liv L.

I'm still not really certain what I did the winter of '17 that cast us apart. However, I do know that I hurt you, so I'm sorry. I really did cherish the bond we had and I hope to rekindle that because I miss you.

If you see this, please tell me♡

Marit

You always kind of confused me, but in a good way. What I remember is your mother's lentil soup, the moose tracks ice cream, and our trip to Daiso.

I got a samsung phone so I can't use the case but I still have it in my memories drawer.

It's amazing how you didn't get sick of all the rambling about oowooppa that I did.

I miss you too♡

Maddy X.

I do genuinely want to see you again, so I'm sorry I couldn't come to Moraga in the summer of '18.

However, you hurt me pretty badly when we were in 8th grade.

I would support you, even abandoning all my plans to take you to the hill to rant and yell and sob, but I would get nothing back.

I spent 50 hours on your birthday presents that year and got nothing back.

I wouldn't expect you to do the same, but at least a liiiitle bit of efforr would have been nice.

I'm still hurt. Sorry. I wish you success with your family, volleyball, and academics♡

John

You already know this but boy we needa fuck asap

Anyways your friendship is great and even though we float apart a little, you're president here.

I love how you're so happy to help me in my amoral schemes

♡love you boo

Abigail

How the hell did you get here?!

I'm impressed.

Caitlyn

I'm sorry I've been neglecting our friendship but we have too divergent interests and I have other things to focus on

You're a sweet girl though and a great person

Plus I'm allergic to eyeshadow now so

Terry

OKAY LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

i will fucking murder you you hear me

You thought i wasnt pissed after you cheated on me?

You thought you got away with it?

I know everything, aidan.

Everything.

Don't try to hide from me.

I will always win.

Why?

Because almost everyone hates you, knows you're a liar, and much less people are antagonistic towards me.

Harry

Here's the truth:

I only dated you to sour the friendship with Terry. Why? Because he's a shithead. You deserve better than him.

I'm sorry, but I never actually liked you.

Ava

Your overly energetic moods annoy the hell out of me im sorry

Please shut up once in a while

Please remember what i tell you at least sometimes

Please talk about something aside from yourself

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Adrian

Surprise surprise, i wanna fuck

Hmu youre hot

Also funny so like

👍👌

Sanjana

Please learn to keep your mouth shut goddammit

you didnt have to tell everyone about my plot involving dean!

Eliza

You're gonna date a druggie in the near future.

But you know what, you're great.

Sorry i hit you that one time it was a joke

Juri

I'm almost certain you won't see this

I understand youre evangelical but please stop preaching to me

You're a really nice girl but youre kind of hollow and a prude

Not too horribly fun to be around, sorry

Lily M.

I love you so much oh my god

You always light up my mornings and its amazing

Keep doin you boo

Braeden

That one time, i wasnt just asking to hang

I was asking you out

Is your skull really that thick?

I liked you, you know.

Dean

You shouldn't even be on this list cause you're too insignificant

But like lowkey i wanna fuck

Your girlfriend can do much better than you but i on the other hand cannot so like

🙃

Ryan N.

Again, like with a lot of other people, I wanna fuck.

That is all.

Chris P.

Please stop whining

Otherwise youre a great guy

Tyler

Oh, you're the hard hitter here

Mothafucka ive been writing about you to shit on this blog

Get in me right now

Just take me

In more ways than one

Also sorry im so awkward when we kiss or you pick me up im just taken aback by you yknow

♡

Ties

I still intend on fucking with you.

I will haunt you for a longass time bitch

You made a fuckin mistake crossing me

The end

[honeyrisuke]

ok no turns out what im mad about and posted about earlier wasnt a big deep "modern media bad bluh" thing, im just. not feeling so hot rn

very long boring ramble below

I've struggled with my art ever since I started to put it online

like, I'd always refresh and check if someone saw it and then get all exciting when someone did see it and like it and so on but not even once have I had some art I did actually,,, do anything for me. it was never _worth it_ if that makes sense.

I'd sit there for hours upon hours and then post it in hopes someone else enjoys it and seemingly nobody ever does. I can spend days on a drawing and it barely even reaches my friends, and in old media at least I still had one or the other random

even right now on Furaffinity, which also isnt algorythmically sorted, I occationally get people who just like all of my stuff in a quite sincere way, or comment on my art in a genuine way- and that's why I've recently enjoyed drawing furry fetish art a lot more than anything else, even when I didn't wanna draw furries that day.

but on shit like instagram or twitter or even on here I've. I rarely even get one interaction?? on my art?? I've never gotten a comment. I've never had someone share my art on twitter or instagram because they liked it

and when I did get faves or comments it was always either an IRL friend of mine who'd like a selfie of me taking a shit bc they don't care, as long as I posted it, or someone I don't know who just wants to promote their own account

I've blocked people in the past who left a nice comment on instagram, and when i replied to thank them they immediately went for "would you mind checking out my page"

bc yea i do mind shut tf up

its. fundamentally uncomfortable to be in those positions. I don't wanna go around using other people as stepping stones to get anywhere. I don't wanna go around and put up this big professional influencer facade just so I can draw my lame fucking characters and have maybe 10 people like it

and no, I'm not talking huge numbers and wanting fame or whatever, just. something. anything.

I've grown to really really hate art communities, and that means whenever I sit down and want to draw I have to first fight a big "but what for?"

and most of the time recently? I lose that fight. I can't think of a "what for", and then I sit there for several hours slowly thinking myself into a rage instead of doing anything productive, because actually I'm also very upset about not drawing, but I can't think of a good reason to do it

and to anyone who says "just do it for yourself"- you know you're lying. I've never met an artist who said that shit to my face and didn't have at least one person they could share their art with

I'd just be out here sending it to random ass people knowing damn well I'm annoying.

art is worthless if it can't be shared with anyone. I really picked the worst fucking hobby as a child. I hate everything I do and I hate doing it

I was hoping to rekindle my muse with artfight but as for right now, it looks like I'm not even gonna get a single attack, and each time I sit down to draw I'm building my hope up again that "this time they will respond and draw something back to" just to sit here on the 31st with maybe one really crappy doodle made by someone who just wanted to get free art from me. and if I'm as stupid as I've been all these years, I'll even have given them that free piece of art.

I'm just. I don't know where to go from here and. not to be even more of a downer at the end of this, in case anyone actually did read it, but

I've. not felt so hot about being around anymore recently, and fundamentally feeling like I should stop doing at alltogether is a big part of that. I've always done art one way or another, and so far nobody has ever given a shit about it. I have genuinly no idea why I've done it for so long. but i feel like if i stop then I am doing absolutely nothing anymore. i wouldnt be expressing myself anymore, i wouldnt put anything out there anymore. id just be here locked inside of my head unable to communicate the things im passionate about because i KNOW im annoying, i KNOW im unbearable and overly aggressive and genuinly unlikeable, and i know nobody gives a shit about the stuff i like or enjoy. i already stopped being excited about things bc of that years ago and am now only defaulting to be pissed and to complain and to make fun of things

and i feel that if i fully stop drawing and making art its. kinda over. idk i dont wanna write it out but that'd be it.

[chigbungo]

all the asks

(thank u friend)

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.Ten Fingers by WatskyTiptoe by Imagine DragonsGood Run by Andrew HuangRabbit Hole by Blink-182Still Alive(Feat. Sara Quinn) by Jonathan CoultonWork Away by Classified

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?whoever tf my soulmate is im tryna feel loved

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Focusing on a point 1/3 in puts everybody in focus” thanks bare bones camera course

4) What do you think about most?this is a good one im not actually entirely sure, probably how much i should be but do not want to be doing homework

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?i feel like there was one a while back but there’s one other i never got to hear the final product of

6) Do you have any strange phobias?idk i have really bad paranoia about shit being behind me

7) What's your religion?none of the above(nonreligious, not atheist)

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?walking to class lmao i need to get out more often

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?well if we’re talking strictly bands and not artists then probably either twenty one pilots or AJR

10) What was the last lie you told?idk probably something along the lines of “yeah I’m doing fine”

11) Do you believe in karma?sometimes? i dont really know tbh

12) What does your URL mean?im p much always sick, im dead inside, and at heart im a kid

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?greatest weakness: i fall for people way too easily, greatest strength: my sense of humor

14) Who is your celebrity crush?Ansel Elgort motherfucker

15) How do you vent your anger?i dont i just bottle it all up until i die

16) Do you have a collection of anything?yeah i have a small rock/crystal collection at home and i also collect some Funko Pop Vinyls. also i guess you could say i have a knife collection but i just like knives

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?absolutely fucking not im a lazy asshole

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?i guess it doesnt really count as a sound but i cannot stand silence, i get super paranoid and shit, i love the sound of laughter

19) What's your biggest "what if"?wow this is gonna be emo as hell but it’s “what if i never find someone to love me”

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts, yes, aliens, double yes

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm: bluetooth speaker, left arm: lamp

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?nothing really maybe some mac n cheese

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?i could be super deep w this but ill just say high school

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?ansel elgort, beyonce

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?To find someone i can be happy and spend the rest of my life with(if you haven’t noticed a lot of who i am revolves around being in a relationship)

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yeah i drive but i drive good so i dun did never crash

27) What was the last movie you saw?like the first 30 minutes of the player, but the last full movie i saw was probably something on netflix i dont remember

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?idk i get really bad stomachaches sometimes

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?star wars the old republic is the only thing keeping me going right now

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?yeah in high school there was a rumor that my friend group was one big polyamorous relationship and we all had orgies on the weekends

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?fuck yeah i do im a bitter motherfucker, but the only person i really have a grudge against rn is my little brother garrett. fuck that kid.

32) What is your astrological sign?aries, is it any surprise

33) What's the last thing you purchased?uhhhh not counting the two sodas i bought with hawk dollars last night? a 30 day subscription to swtor

34) Love or lust?LOVE

35) In a relationship?no i wish :(

36) How many relationships have you had?oh boy either 16 or17 im honestly not sure

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?jokes for days and cheesy flirting

38) Where is your best friend?like 30 minutes away i wanna see him

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?playing swtor

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?fuck yeah im my favorite kind of person(that sounds really conceited but hey who cares i like people like me)

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?save that mf dog my boss can choke if they’re gonna fire me for that

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?I would tell like. 4 people honestly. I’d drop out of school and overdraw my bank account to hell doing everything i’ve ever wanted to like paintball and traveling. and yeah id be fucking terrified and probably just sob constantly the last few days.

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Things Are Looking Up by Classified

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?being with someone that makes you incredibly happy and you can talk to for hours on end without getting tired of them. someone that likes you for who you are, and that loves hearing about your interests and you love hearing about theirs

45) How can I win your heart?compliment me and listen to me ramble about stupid shit like SCP or star wars for hours

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?i dont fuckin know sometimes?

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i havent made a whole lot of good decisions in my life, so probably coming out as nonbinary and finally being comfortable with who i am

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?“one of the few joys in life is the joy of others” -Griffin Delouise Hutchersworthington XLII(forty-secondteenth)

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."broken lmao

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?black n red im an emo bitch

51) What is your current desktop picture?a nice rainforest waterfall, my whole computer has a green foresty theme

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?can i say myself

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?emo answer: “are you happy?” funny answer: “did you wake up before 2pm today?”

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?FLIGHT MOTHERFUCKER I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FLY I ALWAYS HAD FLYING DREAMS AS A KID

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?the time i first got glasses. I could finally see the world clearly and I cried like a bitch

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?dating my abuser

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?i was about to say ansel elgort again but i feel like id wanna be best friends with him, so probably Nate Ruess(the singer for Fun.)

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?ooooooooh, probably either Canada or Los Angeles

59) Ever been on a plane?yeah i dont really have an opinion of flying though like i dont love but i dont hate it either

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.(in no particular order)Ansel ElgortRyan ReynoldsLupita Nyong’oRyan HaywoodRicky Montgomery