#i was looking for more examples of manifestations of the Dark but like. even though we got a whole dark sun arc theres NOTHING HERE

[danidoesathing]

for the latest fic asks: 11, 47, 58

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

For Self Fufilling Prophecy i had to do a ton of research into flower symbolism. each section of the palace had it's own unique flower to go along with the cognition, and i was pretty picky on which ones because it reflected not only the character but their relationship with Akira ie Tulips (depending on the color) means love (romantic or platonic), affection and innocence which fit Ann and her relationship with him far more than the obvious choice of roses, even if those are a part of her whole deal.

and the answer the second part of the question. as you can see. a lot.

47. what story are you most proud of?

ive said it once and ill say it again; It's Long Way Back From the Edge of the Cosmos is my best fic. idk what happened with that one but it just came out great. i wrote that thing in a WEEK and yet like. still my best work. i love it

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

"tma the dark". dont worry about it <3

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Harry Potter and PTSD

I think no one would argue Harry Potter isn't traumatized, but I actually wanted to go through PTSD symptoms and find evidence of them in book quotes. It's mostly as a fun, little exercise (the word fun is debatable here, it made me quite sad, actually) as I'm not a licensed therapist, and I have no qualifications to diagnose anyone with anything. But I wanted to take a look at some of how Harry's trauma manifests especially in the final 3 books as the signs of PTSD are most obvious and glaring after Voldemort's resurrection and get worse after Sirius' death.

(As the title and first paragraphs suggest, this post isn't a happy one, so beware. I will be discussing symptoms of trauma as shown in the HP books)

I will be using adult PTSD symptoms since:

Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They also may develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilt over not preventing injury or death, or have thoughts of revenge.

(Source)

All further quotes regarding PTSD and its symptoms and how they might show were taken from the same website linked above.

To be diagnosed with PTSD, an adult must have all of the following for at least 1 month: * At least one re-experiencing symptom * At least one avoidance symptom * At least two arousal and reactivity symptoms * At least two cognition and mood symptoms

So, let's get straight into it and go into the diagnosis categories:

Re-experiencing symptoms

* Flashbacks—reliving the traumatic event, including physical symptoms, such as a racing heart or sweating * Recurring memories or dreams related to the event * Distressing thoughts * Physical signs of stress Thoughts and feelings can trigger these symptoms, as can words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event.

Harry definitely suffers from nightmares post-Voldemort's-resurrection, and memories coming back about it:

Had they all forgotten what he had done? Hadn’t it been he who had entered that graveyard and watched Cedric being murdered and been tied to that tombstone and nearly killed ... ? Don’t think about that, Harry told himself sternly for the hundredth time that summer. It was bad enough that he kept revisiting the graveyard in his nightmares, without dwelling on it in his waking moments too.

(OotP)

In the meantime, he had nothing to look forward to but another restless, disturbed night, because even when he escaped nightmares about Cedric he had unsettling dreams about long dark corridors, all finishing in dead ends and locked doors, which he supposed had something to do with the trapped feeling he had when he was awake.

(OotP)

And it continues even months later, he's still dreaming about the graveyard:

He was not going to share his dreams with anyone. He knew perfectly well what his regular nightmare about a graveyard meant, he did not need Ron or Professor Trelawney or the stupid Dream Oracle to tell him that...

(OotP)

Distressing thoughts are par for the course for Harry, but I'll bring up some examples:

And Harry saw very clearly as he sat there under the hot sun how people who cared about him had stood in front of him one by one, his mother, his father, his godfather, and finally Dumbledore, all determined to protect him; but now that was over. He could not let anybody else stand between him and Voldemort; he must abandon forever the illusion he ought to have lost at the age of one, that the shelter of a parent’s arms meant that nothing could hurt him.

(HBP)

He feels responsible for all of their deaths even though they are all adults who chose to be there and protect him. Harry still feels guilt and responsibility over them, even when it isn't his fault, and he shouldn't feel responsible for those who stood between him and Voldemort.

While Harry shows physical signs of stress (such as a racing heart or sweating), They are shown in actual moments of stress where any human would be stressed, so I don't count them here since they are not an immediate result of trauma.

Regardless, I'd say he does have relieving symptoms. Recurring dreams, thoughts, and a sense of guilt are all present.

Avoidance symptoms

* Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience * Avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event Avoidance symptoms may cause people to change their routines. For example, some people may avoid driving or riding in a car after a serious car accident.

Harry doesn't actually have the luxury to really avoid anything (poor boy) but he does avoid talking about his dreams of the graveyard, as mentioned in the quote in the Re-experiencing section. He doesn't tell anyone, not even Ron or Hermione about his nightmares. Neither does he want to talk about Cedric. He doesn't even want to think about the graveyard and Cedric as mentioned in one of the above quotes:

Had they all forgotten what he had done? Hadn’t it been he who had entered that graveyard and watched Cedric being murdered and been tied to that tombstone and nearly killed ... ? Don’t think about that, Harry told himself sternly for the hundredth time that summer.

(OotP)

Even though Cho keeps bringing Cedric up to process her own experience, Harry does not want to talk or think about him and what happened at the graveyard.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m — sorry,” she said thickly. “I suppose ... it’s just ... learning all this stuff... It just makes me ... wonder whether ... if he’d known it all ... he’d still be alive...” Harry’s heart sank right back past its usual spot and settled somewhere around his navel. He ought to have known. She wanted to talk about Cedric.

(OotP)

“I came in here with Cedric last year,” said Cho. In the second or so it took for him to take in what she had said, Harry’s insides had become glacial. He could not believe she wanted to talk about Cedric now, while kissing couples surrounded them and a cherub floated over their heads.

(OotP)

Zacharias said dismissively, “All Dumbledore told us last year was that Cedric Diggory got killed by You- Know-Who and that you brought Diggory’s body back to Hogwarts. He didn’t give us details, he didn’t tell us exactly how Diggory got murdered, I think we’d all like to know — ” “If you’ve come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders someone I can’t help you,” Harry said. His temper, always so close to the surface these days, was rising again. He did not take his eyes from Zacharias Smith’s aggressive face, determined not to look at Cho. “I don’t want to talk about Cedric Diggory, all right? So if that’s what you’re here for, you might as well clear out.”

(OotP)

And when he mentions some of it, he's emotionally overwhelmed and stumbling over his words. He didn't really process everything that happened in the graveyard and he doesn't know how to talk about it:

Ron and Hermione were still smirking and Harry felt his temper rise; he wasn’t even sure why he was feeling so angry. “Don’t sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn’t I?” he said heatedly. “I know what went on, all right? And I didn’t get through any of that because I was brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I got through it all because — because help came at the right time, or because I guessed right — but I just blundered through it all, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing — STOP LAUGHING!” The bowl of murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed. He became aware that he was on his feet, though he couldn’t remember standing up. Crookshanks streaked away under a sofa; Ron and Hermione’s smiles had vanished. “You don’t know what it’s like You — neither of you — you’ve never had to face him, have you? You think it’s just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you’re in class or something? The whole time you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own — your own brain or guts or whatever — like you can think straight when you know you’re about a second from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die — they’ve never taught us that in their classes, what it’s like to deal with things like that — and you two sit there acting like I’m a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up — you just don’t get it, that could just as easily have been me, it would have been if Voldemort hadn’t needed me — ”

(OotP)

He mentions how it isn't easy for him to talk about it when he does his interview for the Quibbler:

Harry had not found it an easy experience to talk about the night when Voldemort had returned. Rita had pressed him for every little detail, and he had given her everything he could remember, knowing that this was his one big opportunity to tell the world the truth. He wondered how people would react to the story. He guessed that it would confirm a lot of people in the view that he was completely insane, not least because his story would be appearing alongside utter rubbish about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. But the breakout of Bellatrix Lestrange and her fellow Death Eaters had given Harry a burning desire to do something, whether it worked or not...

(OotP)

So, I'd say Harry shows avoidance symptoms in abundance as well.

Arousal and reactivity symptoms

* Being easily startled * Feeling tense, on guard, or on edge * Having difficulty concentrating * Having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep * Feeling irritable and having angry or aggressive outbursts * Engaging in risky, reckless, or destructive behavior Arousal symptoms are often constant. They can lead to feelings of stress and anger and may interfere with parts of daily life, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

"CONSTANT VIGILENCE!" anyone?

But more seriously, Harry is extra vigilant and alert in the final 3 books especially. As mentioned in the above quote with Smith, Harry is more angry in the final 3 books:

“If you’ve come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldemort murders someone I can’t help you,” Harry said. His temper, always so close to the surface these days, was rising again.

(OotP)

His temper, which was always present, got worse after the graveyard. In book 4, Harry holds Ron back from hitting Draco when Draco throws his usual insults:

“You know your mother, Malfoy?” said Harry — both he and Hermione had grabbed the back of Ron’s robes to stop him from launching himself at Malfoy

(GoF)

In book 5, Harry punches Draco himself over similar insults because he's angrier and has less of a handle on his emotions and reactions. He is barely aware of what he's doing:

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach —

(OotP)

And in general, Harry is much more on guard:

He raised the cup to his lips and then, just as suddenly, lowered it. One of the horrible painted kittens behind Umbridge had great round blue eyes just like Mad-Eye Moody’s magical one, and it had just occurred to Harry what Mad-Eye would say if he ever heard that Harry had drunk anything offered by a known enemy.

(OotP)

He startles easily and is ready for an attack at all moments:

Dudley lay curled up on the ground, whimpering and shaking. Harry bent down to see whether he was in a fit state to stand up, but then heard loud, running footsteps behind him; instinctively raising his wand again, he spun on his heel to face the newcomer.

(OotP - after the dementor attack)

Malfoy wheeled around, drawing his wand. Instinctively, Harry pulled out his own. Malfoy’s hex missed Harry by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him; Harry threw himself sideways, thought Levicorpus, and flicked his wand, but Malfoy blocked the jinx and raised his wand for another — 

(HBP)

“Pathetic, Weasley,” said Snape, after a while. “Here — let me show you — ” He turned his wand on Harry so fast that Harry reacted instinctively; all thought of nonverbal spells forgotten, he yelled, “Protego!” His Shield Charm was so strong Snape was knocked off-balance and hit a desk. The whole class had looked around and now watched as Snape righted himself, scowling.

(HBP)

By HBP and OotP, Harry is always ready for an attack and he defends himself on instinct. It doesn't matter where he is or what he's doing, fight or flight instincts take over and he's acting. It's always there, under the surface, ready to spring.

After Sirius dies, we also see a change in what Harry keeps to himself and what he says out loud. All his sassiest quotes towards Snape come from after Sirius dies. Harry becomes more reckless with his words (and actions in general). The pain makes him care less about his own life and future:

“What are you doing, Potter?” said Snape coldly as ever, as he strode over to the four of them. “I’m trying to decide what curse to use on Malfoy, sir,” said Harry fiercely. Snape stared at him.

(OotP - after Sirius' death)

“Yes, sir.” “There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.” The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying. Several people gasped, including Hermione. Behind Snape, however, Ron, Dean, and Seamus grinned appreciatively.

(HBP - yes, this famous scene is because Harry is depressed)

This is Harry just speaking his mind with complete and utter disregard for the consequences of what comes out of his mouth. This is something we see with him only after Sirius died, as before that, he made an attempt to not anger his professors, even Snape. In the earlier books, Harry is all for de-escalating situations with Snape:

“What on earth were you thinking of?” said Professor McGonagall, with cold fury in her voice. Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing with his wand in the air. “You’re lucky you weren’t killed. Why aren’t you in your dormitory?” Snape gave Harry a swift, piercing look. Harry looked at the floor. He wished Ron would put his wand down.

(PS)

“Let’s see,” he said, in his silkiest voice. “Fifty points from Gryffindor and a detention each for Potter and Weasley. Now get inside, or it’ll be a week’s worth of detentions.” Harry’s ears were ringing. The injustice of it made him want to curse Snape into a thousand slimy pieces. He passed Snape, walked with Ron to the back of the dungeon, and slammed his bag down onto the table. Ron was shaking with anger too — for a moment, it felt as though everything was back to normal between them, but then Ron turned and sat down with Dean and Seamus instead, leaving Harry alone at his table. On the other side of the dungeon, Malfoy turned his back on Snape and pressed his badge, smirking. POTTER STINKS flashed once more across the room.

(GoF)

Harry may be thinking of wanting to say/do something, but he doesn't, because he has some self-preservation. This self-preservation disappears as the books go along. Harry in the early books is much more concerned for his own well-being than in the later books, and I don't think it's due to bravery or childhood trauma, at least, that isn't all there is. I think it's a reaction to some of his more recent trauma as well. A combination of feeling responsible for everything and thinking it's fine he goes through pain and danger because that's what he should do. In HBP and DH, he repeatedly says how willing he is to endanger himself, but not others. It's why he breaks up with Ginny, it's why he initially doesn't want Ron and Hermione to come with him on the Horcrux hunt. He thinks his own life is worth less. That it isn't so bad if he dies.

So he shows 3 arousal and reactivity symptoms at least.

Cognition and mood symptoms

* Trouble remembering key features of the traumatic event * Negative thoughts about oneself or the world * Exaggerated feelings of blame directed toward oneself or others * Ongoing negative emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame * Loss of interest in previous activities * Feelings of social isolation * Difficulty feeling positive emotions, such as happiness or satisfaction Cognition and mood symptoms can begin or worsen after the traumatic event. They can lead people to feel detached from friends or family members.

I already mentioned Harry's guilt regarding people "who stood between him and Voldemort". And it's true for this section as well. And I mentioned above how Harry considers his own life as worth less than others, which leads him to be incredibly reckless.

Besides the above two points, Harry also shows clear signs of depressive states:

On the fourth night after Hedwig’s departure Harry was lying in one of his apathetic phases, staring at the ceiling, his exhausted mind quite blank, when his uncle entered his bedroom. Harry looked slowly around at him. Uncle Vernon was wearing his best suit and an expression of enormous smugness.

(OotP)

Harry mentions that after the graveyard in the summer between 4th and 5th year, he starts having what he calls "apathetic phases", in which he just feels too tired to even think, just staring blankly at the ceiling. Him calling it "phases" as in, plural, suggests this is a common occurrence at the Dursleys.

Even later in Deathly Hallows, we see this is something Harry still does. After Ron leaves Harry and Hermione are at their most depressed:

She [Hermione] threw herself into a chair, curled up, and started to cry. Harry felt dazed. He stooped, picked up the Horcrux, and placed it around his own neck. He dragged blankets off Ron’s bunk and threw them over Hermione. Then he climbed onto his own bed and stared up at the dark canvas roof, listening to the pounding of the rain.

(DH)

Hermione reacts to her emotions by crying and letting them out, she's processing her emotions in some capacity, as hard as it is. Harry, on the other hand, just gets tired. His mind goes blank and he just stares blankly at the ceiling. Another one of these "apathetic phases". Instead of feeling, he goes numb.

We also see in book 6 how he loses some of his interest in Quidditch. The one pastime that reliably brought him joy, wasn't as important to Harry post Sirius' death. Sure, he was still playing, still interested, but there was none of the joy described previously. He doesn't have the same passion and interest even though he's the captain:

Harry smiled back vaguely, but as he pulled on his scarlet robes his mind was far from Quidditch. 

(HBP)

“Don’t be stupid,” said Ron sharply. “You couldn’t have missed a Quidditch match just to follow Malfoy, you’re the Captain!”

(HBP)

Some of it is to follow Draco who Harry thinks is a Death Eater, sure, but Harry in 4th year would not have acted the same. He wouldn't have let it make him miss a game, he wouldn't have even considered it.

In Deathly Hallows we also see Harry struggling with happiness in many ways. Yes, the situation is bad, but he is so incredibly affected by it, and I do want to mention that:

But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing. And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.

(DH)

This above quote makes me so sad whenever I read it, and I do want to mention it here. Like, Harry isn't actively suicidal, but he's in a lot of pain that he wants to stop. These negative thoughts are practically a constant in DH even when he isn't wearing the Horcrux.

A hundred dementors were advancing, gliding toward them, sucking their way closer to Harry’s despair, which was like a promise of a feast. ... He saw Ron’s silver terrier burst into the air, flicker feebly, and expire; he saw Hermione’s otter twist in midair and fade; and his own wand trembled in his hand, and he almost welcomed the oncoming oblivion, the promise of nothing, of no feeling. . . .

(DH)

Harry is the character with the most reliable Patronus, but even for him at some point, it's too much and he struggles with it. Struggles to bring up the happiness he needs for a Patronus. The happiness part is what he always struggled with most when it came to this spell, after all:

“No!” said Harry. He got up again. “I’ll have one more go! I’m not thinking of happy enough things, that’s what it is. ... Hang on. ...” He racked his brains. A really, really happy memory . . . one that he could turn into a good, strong Patronus ...

(PoA)

So, I'd say he shows at least 4 cognitive and mood symptoms.

Conclusions

Someone get this boy a hug and therapy, I really don't have much more to say.

I started writing this post to see if I could find evidence of PTSD symptoms in the books, and I searched and found so many that it just made me sad. So, yes, Harry obviously deals with untreated PTSD he has no idea how to regulate in the final 3 books and I think his readiness to walk towards his own demise is influenced by it.

[myun-saidthoughts]

12th House Synastry: The Darker Themes That May Manifest

I made a post about Neptune and 12th house synastry awhile ago (here is the link to that: Understanding 12th house synastry)

In that post, I explained how this synastry can manifest between partners, but I didn't discuss the darker side of it or discuss why those darker themes are present in the first place.

To start off, some of the more common dark themes associated with this synastry include deception, lies, addiction, and hidden agendas. This synastry also can indicate being the other woman in a relationship or one party may have a commitment to another person that the other party isn't aware of (such as one partner is married, engaged, or involved with someone else). If there is 8th house synastry involved (like Pluto aspecting inner planets or 8th house overlays), power dynamics may emerge, with one person holding an authoritative position. Age gaps or factors such as work hierarchies, status, reputation, social circles, or cultural influences may also prevent the two parties from publicly showcasing their relationship.

The reason these dark themes manifest is influenced by many factors, the primary one being the person's core nature. If they are spiritually awakened, aware, compassionate, or empathetic, the themes mentioned above are less likely to arise within the connection. Ultimately, who a person is at their core will dictate how these connections manifest.

I have read many 12th house/Neptune synastry stories, and one major red flag that stands out is what is often 'hidden' within the relationship. While this synastry can evoke profound, otherworldly feelings, there’s a risk that the person you’re pouring your love into may only be a projection of your perception of them. This is tied to how you view yourself, your understanding of love, and your willingness to be vulnerable.

This synastry naturally clouds and confuses the relationship dynamic, if you have natal 12th house placements, Pisces placements or Neptune aspecting your own inner planets then the influence of falling into the web of what you think is, instead of what actually is; is more likely.

For example, the reason you may be drawn to, influenced by, or dealing with these dark themes has to do with the level of commitment or love you're ready to process. You may consciously state that you desire a deep love, but if you look at your past patterns, you might notice that you often fall for the people you claim you want to stay away from. You may say, 'I deserve better,' or recognize that the type of love you're offering is not being reciprocated. While you may be consciously aware of this, you still find yourself in connections that reinforce the image of love you say you want to change.

This has to do with the fact that there are still subconscious self beliefs that are operating within you; these beliefs may be so deeply rooted in your subconscious to the point where you are not even aware of it, and the reason why these dark themes are able to manifest within your life is because the people you are choosing are reiterating the self belief you're "comfortable" with. I say comfortable because it's what feels known within you, this person creates a feeling within you and though they may logically be wrong for you in so many objective manners, the fact that you can feel drawn towards them is what is causing you to want them, especially if you struggle with emotional vulnerability, or if you find it hard to actually form feelings towards another. This person is (in essence) allowing you to form feelings because their presence/actions reaffirm the same self beliefs you've been dealing with throughout your life.

This type of synastry even becomes more nuanced when the 8th house is involved, oftentimes if you are not aware of your own self inner wounds this type or interplay can cause such chaos. This is especially true if you are choosing someone who wants to use you, or if they have their own inner battles that they ignore. In essence to stay aware of the connection at hand:

Look at them at face value instead at the value that you give them.

Stay aware and acknowledge the fact that their own actions and choices act as a true unit that showcases their true feelings towards you.

Understand that even though you're able to understand or empathize with their struggles doesn't mean you should justify their actions.

The feeling you feel with them is already sitting within you; if that wasn't the case you wouldn't be drawn to them in the first place. Therefore that scarce mindset where you may feel like you need them to allow romance in is only a facade that keeps you at a distance of receiving reciprocal love.

This again is an extreme case but I wanted to make a note.

Another thing I want to note is that with this synastry, you might feel an intense draw toward the other person, as if you’ve known them in a past life (because how could someone create such deep longing within you if that wasn't the case?) This might create the connection to be very thought-provoking, and the longing you experience can manifest instantly in moments when you're not with them; this might lead you to believe that you share a deep, once-in-a-lifetime connection. However, the person you are drawn to may actually be a projection of your own desires for emotional fulfillment, especially if they are an objectively lost soul struggling with personal battles such as addiction or ongoing affairs.

The reason why individuals often state that 12th house and Neptune synastry can indicate past life connections is that this type of synastry evokes similar feelings of longing, wishes, and desires. In my experience with both, I understand why people associate Neptune/12th house synastry with past life connections. However, this synastry often creates a sense of longing while leaving more questions than answers.

With past life connections, you may instantly feel a deep longing for someone you’ve just met—their eyes seem familiar, and their touch feels sacred. In contrast, when Neptune and the 12th house are involved, there’s a crucial difference. Instead of a sense of certainty, there’s more wondering, thinking, analyzing, and fixating. You might convince yourself that you know them by creating intense, otherworldly feelings within you.

In genuine past life connections, there’s an unexplainable, intuitive sense that you’ve met before, without needing proof or logical understanding. You feel deeply connected without questioning it. This is a key difference that more people should recognize. If there are more questions than an immediate intuitive knowing, the likelihood of it being a past life connection is much less.

In summary, the main difference with Neptune/12th house synastry vs past life connections is there's a "without a doubt" mentality that you've known them before. The main reason why theres an association with 12th house synastry and past life connections is because this synastry genuinely mimics the same deep rooted feeling of longing or what if scenario's. This synastry causes you to create feelings within where it'll feel like you two have been together before but that doesn't mean these feelings are rooted in the deep seated knowing of "I've met you before" like true past life connections are like.

(which is why it's very difficult to differentiate and I can understand why but within, you will have moments with them and if out of no where you say "this has happened before" or "it's so easy with you" or if 5 hours feel like 10 minutes, then the chances of them being a part of your past life is more likely; and you can feel this way without even having any intense 12th house synastry with them, you don't have to have 12th house synastry with someone to showcase a past life connection).

That said, there can be times when you may be dealing with 12th house or Neptune synastry and you may consider yourself an open or healthy lover, yet still encounter these themes. You might fall for someone who isn't who they appear to be. Stories like 'We have been dating for two years, and he is an addict' or 'I am engaged, but he has another wife' illustrate this. These examples are extreme, but I believe can occur because this synastry can cloud judgment. That's why it's important to evaluate the relationship at its core rather than relying solely on your perceptions.

If you find yourself dealing with these themes or have dealt with them in the past, it's important to recognize that the other partner may not have any real love for you. This is why the 12th house is often associated with 'hidden enemies.' These individuals may not be hiding their true selves, but in your perception, the person they actually are is someone you haven't been able to see. Or in another sense this individual just held and hid parts of them from you, and because of how clouded this synastry can be, falling victim towards these connections is more likely (but like I always say entire natal charts and who the person is at their core dictates the severity of what can occur within these connections).

Another intriguing pattern in this synastry is the tendency to be drawn to darker themes, often finding yourself attracted to someone who seems in need of saving or fixing. The spiritual connection you feel may arise from a deep longing to help them, as their internal struggles compel you to give endlessly. Their internal struggles causes you to give and give which ultimately keeps you at arms distance within the connection. Especially since they can't formally give you the same love you are giving them, and this stems from the fact a part of you doesn't believe you deserve the type of love you fantasize or long for. That being said, the dreams you have about them or with them, and the coincidences that keep occurring could very well be reflections of the emotional fulfillment you desire, and doesn't paint the fact that you two are "meant to be"

This pattern can also be linked to unrequited love. When this occurs, it mirrors what I’ve mentioned before: you find yourself falling for someone you can't truly have. You become infatuated with the person you imagine them to be, rather than who they actually are. You create scenarios in your mind where you’re together, longing for a connection that has never existed. All of these patterns stem from a fear of embracing reciprocal love.

It feels easier to desire someone rather than have them; it's more comfortable to long for the idea of a partner than to actively choose someone who can choose you in return. Such dynamics are more prevalent when you struggle with emotional closeness and vulnerability. Selecting someone whom you subconsciously know won’t or can’t choose you can feel like a safer option.

I explore this concept further in my original 12th house synastry post, so feel free to check that out for more insights.

The main point of this post is to remain aware of your own wounds, self-undoing patterns, and emotional fears regarding romance. The self-giving nature you choose to engage in can create a block to receiving the kind of love you’re capable of giving to others, often stemming from a fear of being in a reciprocal loving relationship. If you stay aware and offer yourself inner healing then the chances of falling in relationships where these dark themes can occur is less likely.

Note: I believe that if you have strong Pisces placements, 12th house natal placements, or Neptune aspecting your inner planets, as well as a broken attachment style or a tumultuous relationship with your mother, you may be more susceptible to experiencing these dark themes in your reality. If you fear love yet simultaneously long for it, these factors can be significant indicators. Conversely, if you do not have these characteristics, the intensity of such themes is less likely.

[threebooksoneplot]

what draws you both to jalice/makes you so feral about them as a ship?

you should know we had an entire meeting in order to answer this ask. no this could NOT have been an email (unlike new moon) 🤭

Secretary G took notes. they are as follows (read the bolded parts for a tl;dr)

we kind of see it as though jalice got the traits that edbella weren’t allowed to have, either due to their status as protagonists or because smeyer's mormon background causes her to view these qualities as too sinful/negative for her wholesome Waiting Until Marriage main couple. (examples: alice's materialistic, "shallow," hyperfeminine qualities, her character flaws (especially her manipulativeness), and jasper's aura and history of fucked up violence closer to what you'd find in traditional vampire stories/horror/adult gothics/books not written by a mormon author)

in terms of how much screentime the non-main-love-triangle canon couples get, their relationship is kiiiinda given the next-most weight to edbella’s (examples: jasper's extreme overprotectiveness, the New Moon chapter 19 moment where alice prioritizes jasper and bella is like “yeah I get it, I would do the same.”) basically smeyer gives jalice's relationship a lot of the qualities she finds romantic/ideal, (and which are either similarly romantic to us or entertainingly toxic/a good source of drama), presumably because alice is like her 4th-favorite character after the main love triangle and she wants nice things for her

we both really love how, superficially, as presented in the books, jasper and alice seem to have this almost “courtly love” that smeyer has described as "spiritual." yet when you look closer, their relationship has so many darker undertones—the deep codependency bordering on obsessiveness (mutual, but especially the way it manifests on jasper's end—"I will kill this random teen girl who witnessed edward's jean valjean moment™ because any means are justifiable when the ends are Protecting Alice"), the dark sides of both of their powers, the idea that jasper is only a cullen and/or only a vegetarian for alice's sake, etc. hell, even the fact that they're the only Cullen couple who we know had (gasp) premarital sex 😏 (I mean we assume rosemmett did too, but alas, they don't have that hilarious "carlisle convinced jasper and alice to get married" quote from smeyer)

partially summarized: "jasper’s general desperate willingness to sell everyone to satan for one corn chip if it keeps alice safe (carlisle: I know this and I love you)"

we're forever smug that the movies gave us even more jalice screentime (especially remarkable in such a protagonist-centric universe), including jasper being in the same grade as alice/bella/edward, and the extra jalice kisses in Eclipse and BD 🥺

what we wrote down as the “who’s protecting whom" phenomenon, as coined by G in this old ask. (shannon: "jasper is the toddler you've given the PS2 controller that's not plugged in")

we also like the characters individually. jasper is for the girlies with competency kinks—a stoic caretaker who speaks little and mostly expresses himself via acts of service. we also both love the way in which he needs protection from his own uncontrolled violence (slipping up and killing humans, suffering the pain and fear he inflicts, etc.) he is, in the words of our beloved @liceparade, the "line cook trauma boyfriend"

“It’s hot when there’s a fictional violent man who wet babygirl 😌” —shannon

and alice, unlike bella, genuinely loves being spoiled and bossing people around. she's brat-coded, she's confident and secure in who she is, her god complex ("I'm close enough [to omniscient]") causes fascinating conflict, bella eats drywall from sheer horniness at her merest movement, she dresses like a slut in the Mormon YA Novels and yet somehow escapes authorial condemnation, she has a sickass gothic heroine backstory, she's "annoying," aro started a whole war over her (eat shit helen of troy 🖕), she spaces out in public and has to be led around by jasper, she's one of the most powerful vampires in the world, she's in high school getting a C+ on her precalc test 💅🏻

it's appealing that smeyer frequently puts alice in the center of the series' various conflicts (james' singer and "one that got away," the accidental cause of all the drama at the end of new moon, one of aro's secret True motives for starting the conflict in BD.) this is mostly as a consequence of smeyer using alice as a plot device and/or deus ex machina, but it is in fact interesting

is alice jasper's morality chain? we love pondering this question via fic, meta, etc (especially because...alice ain't exactly a model of ethical behavior herself)

together, the two of them exhibit lots of classic tropes. they're grumpy x sunshine, chatty x silent, opposites attract, etc. to say nothing of that height difference 🥵

we love the yin/yang symbolism of a character with a horrific past paired with a character with NO memory of her past, who is focused on the future and all about potential. not to invoke an ancient phrase but POETIC CINEMA

the next note just says “POTENTIAL in general.” I assume we meant how all of the above stuff creates potential for interesting stories, conflicts, metas, art, fic, etc

G has brought this up in the past, but we love the irony of jasper, a character whose chief desire is to be left in peace, being soul-alteringly in love with the one character who will always be a giant glaring target through no fault of her own. hilarious

[broomsick]

Self-care & connecting with nature deities during the wintertime

Is it still possible to connect with harvest and nature deities such as Freyr during the cold season?

Long answer short, yes. Obviously, absolutely. But you all saw that answer coming, right? So I’m here to give you some ideas, as the person who’s favorite season is winter and who made it their mission to help everybody like winter just a little more. And since I feel especially close to Yngvi-Freyr when it comes to the Gods, I will use him as an example throughout this post, though a lot of the following could apply to most nature deities.

Let us first examine a common misconception before we get to the bottom of this topic: the fields don’t die when the sun sets on the 31st of October. The earth still lives under thick layers of snow. The process of dormancy is absolutely crucial to the cycles of nature. And if, like me, you find Freyr to be a sort of guardian of these cycles, then you’ll know he manifests himself in so many ways, even where you might not think to look.

Have you heard about the holly and ivy tradition? It was common during the European Medieval times to decorate houses and halls using holly and ivy, because they were the two plants with leaves that stayed green, even in the dark and cold of winter. This type of practice is often referred to as "bringing the outside in", and it's something I'm quite fond of. I've no doubt it could be a great help if you're the type to feel depressed during the winter time. It's a way to remind oneself of how everpresent nature actually is. Lots of greenery remains despite the snow! And to ackowledge this fact and to work with it is such a great way to connect with nature Gods in general! It goes to show that you appreciate their blessings all year round, not just during spring and summer. While it's true that in many cases, the presence of deities such as Freyr may feel somehow "dimmed" during the winter time, I assure you, they don't disappear once the first snow falls! On the contrary, they are every bit as present and active as when spring comes! They simply manifest themselves in a different manner.

When winter comes, I love to work with evergreen spirits. I incorporate spruce, fir and cedar into my practice and in my offerings. I won't go into too much detail for this topic however, because I've written posts that pertained to it in the past (namely, this post on tree work and this one on land spirits). Since I don't have easy access to holly or ivy, I make due with evergreen! Not with any actual branches, except when I'm lucky enough to find some that were torn away by the wind. But rather, using representations of it. In the same manner, and in the spirit of "bringing the outside in", it's also possible to decorate using representations of the sun! Harvest deities such as Freyr are often associated with it due to its crucial role in the cycles of plant growth. Candles also make for great solar symbols, and to place them around the home is like lighting a handful of little suns to bring much needed light and warmth inside. What's more, lighting candles on the winter solstice night is a widespread practice among pagans today! It serves to symbolize the return of the sun, as the days start to grow longer again. Until then however, it can be soothing for one to light a candle every morning before school or work, and to call upon any harvest, nature or solar deity of their choice to ask for strength and motivation throught the day. Even when it's difficult for us to feel their presence, they always hear us.

Now, how to actually feel more connected to nature? Oftentimes, connecting with nature and connecting with Yngvi-Freyr are one and the same. And on a more personal note, a lot of the advice I received from him pertained exactly to that: I believe he's often urged me to go spend more time in nature when I am going through rough patches. I know the cold and the cloudy weather can make it depressing for a lot of people to go out. My advice on this is to take it step by step: no need to go on long, four-hour long hikes right away! After all, there is already much beauty to be seen close to home. And I can't put enough emphasis on that: dress warmly! Also, as a tool for motivation, prepare a treat for yourself to enjoy after you've gone out. Part of what makes me enjoy winter so much is the thought of the warmth and light which await inside after I’ve gone out into the cold. The home is as sacred as the outside world! So why not buy, or prepare a batch of cookies, a cup of hot chocolate or a spicy dinner! It's something I love to do as a way to motivate myself to go out more often. And I like to offer part of these to local land spirits and to the Vanir, to show my appreciation for the beauty of this season. Just as an aside, I find snow water to be a great such offering as well!

I know that I’m not revolutionizing the pagan scene with this post, as there’s only so many ways to connect with nature during winter. I think it’s important to keep in mind that the snow, rain and cold that this season brings is just as much part of nature as the greens and lively colors of spring and summer. For this reason, they are just as much a part of nature deities and what they represent. Deities have so many facets and depth, and it can be so fulfilling to explore these different aspects, and the way we perceive them. While it’s true that spiritually speaking, it often feels to us heathens as if Skaði is somehow “taking” Freyr’s place in the order of things for the time being— much like the Holly King takes the Oak King’s place in Celtic folklore. This doesn’t make it so he disappears! In my experience, he presides over the cycle of seasons as a whole, and he is every bit as present for his followers as he is during the winter. I can connect with Skaði during the summer in a similar manner. And I’m sure that the same can be said for so many other harvest deities.

[horse-girl-anthy]

this passage from the Kotani interview has long fascinated me:

Kotani: In the middle part of the tv series is the story of the Black Rose Society (Nemuro Memorial Hall). It's stylized, weird and creepy. Personally, I really liked that part. Ikuhara: That's something women like. That part was difficult for me though. Kotani: I thought the stylization was really excellent. There's the arrow symbols, and the confession in the elevator. When the elevator stops, there is a morgue-like place, with jumbled rows of coffins. It feels dark and mysterious. You know, I like bondage stuff (laugh). Basically, I like deviation, I want to escape away, but if you are not oppressed there is no way to escape. In order to deviate, you have to first be tied up. The Black Rose Society particularly emphasizes that, doesn't it? You have some worries, so first of all, someone will slowly look them over. Places of surveillance as places of bondage—e.g. a military unit, a monastery, or a dorm becomes an excellent stage setting, right? Ikuhara: I like it too. But by deviance, do you mean sexual deviance? Kotani: Deviance from the system. A community with rules, where there is someone like a dorm supervisor who runs a tight ship, and you escape from it.

"escape" has been one of the central fantasies of my life. Kotani and Ikuhara go on to talk about sexuality and the relationship of bondage to it, as well as to gender. all of that resonates with me; this kind of dynamic certainly has sexual manifestations. but it doesn't have to be expressed sexually. for as long as I can remember, I've been interested in stories of captivity, coercion, and control--with escape often as the climax of such fantasies.

before reading this interview, I didn't make the connection between my "kink" for domination/submission and RGU. it didn't make me feel the things I'm looking for in those kind of stories. I'm drawn to visceral examples of domination, like imprisonment, forced relationships, controlling communities, etc.

Kotani and Ikuhara also discuss RGU's similarities to dynamics in yaoi, specifically the Akio/Anthy/Utena triangle. that's where the "bondage" element of RGU can be felt most strongly. however, it was somehow missing the passion I found in other stories.

speaking of Anne Rice's Beauty series, Kotani says:

In the story, [forced submission] keeps happening; ordinarily, since everyone is put in a position like Anthy's, you would expect them to hate it, but in fact they don't (laugh).

I connect to this to what she said above about having first to be tied up in order to deviate. my desire for escape is so strong that my subconscious will literally create dreams in which I am first held captive and then break free. would I be this way if I hadn't been raised in a repressive community? maybe not. but the fact remains that I am now drawn to domination and to submission.

but in real life, domination is horrible. it gets under your skin and makes you feel dirty. and the more subtle its means, the more difficult it is to extricate yourself. perhaps one of the reasons I found RGU so hard to watch the first time I sat through it is that it robbed me of my enjoyment in domination/submission. the ways in which Akio exercised power were underhanded and manipulative--they were designed to go unnoticed, making them far more dangerous psychologically than, say, being physically tied up. he was even able to deny his own power in the situation, setting things up so well that he could turn things back on those he harmed.

RGU is erotic. it is erotic even in its most disturbing scenes--Akio's "nights alone" with Utena and Anthy. but there was none of the thrill in it for me that I got out of yaoi. there weren't any of the enjoyable power struggles that I found in more conventional narratives. hanging over the final 10 episodes was a sense of sickness, perversion, that didn't arise from the subject matter per se, but rather from how it was presented. there was a light touch to it, a reserve. it was unflinching but subtle.

most disturbingly, I think, the story weaved into the domination/submission narrative the question of dependency. as in, Utena and Anthy are not only in the situation they find themselves in due to coercion, but also due to their psychological need for Akio. in submission, I wanted to find a loss of responsibility--I wanted to be rendered helpless "against my own will." by being controlled, I would no longer have to be an agent, freeing me from the burden of selfhood. there was an appeal in it beyond just the desire to escape that I didn't want to admit. to face my complicity in my own subjugation was frightening--to admit it would be like saying I wanted, deserved, mistreatment.

of course, Akio does try to create and maintain said dependency, and there is a serious age/power differential between the characters. but I think the seductiveness of domination and the ease with which one can choose to submit are a major themes of RGU. I like stories of overt violence and captivity because they blow up, dramatize the far more common forms of control we experience in social systems. in RGU, the bonds are in the mind, not on the body. their slipperiness makes them nauseating, not titilating.

thus, RGU didn't give me my usual enjoyment in the sense of "being under someone's thumb." but it did give me one of the most satisfying escapes that I've ever experienced in my life.

episode 39 pulls back the curtains to reveal what submission means. I don't think there's anything wrong with bondage/escape fantasies, but there's something to be said for acknowledging reality. Anthy is the representation of the part of every woman (every person) who's ever had to take a blow, or swallow an objection, or resign themselves to cruelty. if Utena gave in to Akio, she would be not only turning away from a friend in need, but also denying herself--locking away her internal "Rose Bride."

Utena ultimately defies Akio and Anthy is freed entirely--freed even from dependency. then the show makes clear what had previously been obscured, that Akio was just as dependent on Anthy as she was on him, if not more so. this turns the established power dynamics upside down, completing the revolution. what makes this ending so powerful is that it has finality to it: the cycle of domination and submission will no longer perpetuate itself, as it is no longer needed. by dramatizing the ugliness of domination, RGU is able to paint a realistic picture of the road to liberation.

[probablyaseamonster]

I’ve been thinking, and the more I think about it, the more suspicious this whole “witching event of the century” thing becomes to me.

I mean, okay. 5 out of 8 of the witches selected for the competition had no grand motivation for becoming the next Supreme Witch (as far as we know). Eloise specifically seems to see this whole thing as an excuse to have fun, make friends and get more powerful on top of that.

But then you get into the people who actually have backstories revealed, and, well.

Scott was living alone in the woods, desperately trying to learn advanced necromancy with no teacher and stolen books he only half-understood.

Shubble was traveling alone in a caravan, thinking that nobody likes her for her powers and she just makes everyone miserable by just being around them.

Prismarina was on the run from “them”, and only became a Water Witch because she literally dived into the ocean to escape them.

Joey was disowned because he manifested a dangerous power that was opposite to his family’s, and he pushes himself to learn an incompatible type of magic that doesn’t naturally come to him in order to return to them.

And Lauren. Poor Lauren was living alone in the desert to escape bullies who picked on her for not having any magic, and she attached herself to the first person she met since then, even though he literally burned her first.

Actually, when you think about it, ALL of the witches were living alone, presumably. They were isolated.

And Joey, Scott, and Lauren especially weren’t just alone. They were desperate too.

Let’s analyze Joey for a good example. He’d just lost the people who loved him, his home, and his security. Thrown out into the cold because of who he was. Then, not long after he came to terms with the gravity of his situation, an invitation is sent to him in a beam of pure white light. An Invitation to a contest that will (hopefully) grant him the powers to return to his family and be accepted.

It’s a miracle. It’s just what he needed.

But that begs the question... Why?

I mean, of course we know why the witches want to compete. We know that the SW needs a successor.

But... why them?

Lauren and Shubble were literal nobodies before this. Scott was a common theif stealing important tomes from traders and librarians. Joey was a member of a powerful, prestigious bloodline, sure, but the “was” there is the critical word. Pris was a literal fugitive. And Cupquake didn’t even WANT to be the next SW, but Mother Nature sent her on the path to that destiny in order to become a sort of hero. And we all know heroes are most often forced to follow the plot of their stories.

Why, out of all the witches in the world, would the Supreme Witch choose them?

I mean, I guess you could say she was feeling charitable. Even the contestants who didn’t win would grow in power, reaching almost their full potential. The SW is of failing health anyway, and who knows? Maybe she was a former nobody who won her own contest. Maybe she wanted to give the new generation’s contestants a chance. Maybe she was a good witch.

But... what if she wasn’t?

Hear me out. The Supreme Witch is being secretive and vague for a reason. A dark reason.

Maybe... she’s a liar. And maybe all the NPCs are in on it.

Take Ogien for example. She’s a rather rude witch, saying in Pris’s second episode that she “doesn’t have feelings”. She seems to not like Pris right out of the gate, and yet she’s the only one who tells her assigned contestant the full story. I mean,, not to base characters off of appearances, but she does look like a dark and regal villainess to me.

Ogien. What if she was completely and utterly talking out of her ass? What if nothing she said was the truth?

And if Ogien was lying, then, what if Mother Earth herself was also?

“But she’s Mother Nature!” I hear you say, “What reason would a good spirit like her have to lie to one of her followers?”

Let me remind you of something from the Book of Origins. The section on Nature Witches.

“Maker of vines, teller of lies.“

Now, why would that be at the very top of the description? Why are lies so heavily associated with nature witches? Why would the author of the book put so much emphasis on deceit?

Maybe some liars among the Nature Witches gave the others a bad name. Maybe there’s a stereotype among witchkind.

Or maybe this is foreshadowing. Maybe everyone associated with Mother Earth is destined to become caught in a web of lies. Because Mother Earth herself, as a deceitful spider with vine webbing.

And poor Cupquake has no idea.

Here’s my theory. The great challenge that everyone’s been invited to, the race to become the next Supreme Witch... is a total scam.

The SW doesn’t want these people to succeed her. Maybe she doesn’t want anyone to succeed her. Maybe no one will end up getting what they were promised.

But what could the SW want with these inexperienced outcasts? To drain their power, perhaps? To sacrifice them to the mentioned demon, if they even exist?

I guess we’ll find out.

And if this ends up being true, then obviously Cleo will figure this out. I mean, she’s Cleo!

But I don’t think she’ll be the one to realize first.

I think the first one to Know Too Much will be Eloise. Because she is an Illusion Witch. She knows what it’s like to be blinded. She knows how to tell when witches are being misleaded.

But the question is: will the witches be able to save themselves from this trap?

And if things go south, if they’re found out in turn... who will die?

[allureasdiary]

Currently ppl I've been using as muses & inspos:

• Rihanna

• Aaliyah

• Nicki Minaj

• Beyonce (in 2000s)

• Kendrick lamar

• Sharpay Evans

• Marilyn Monroe

◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□◇□

The main take away from all these ppl listed above is that they embody a certain self concept that I've felt called to embrace this year. Key themes such as standing up for myself, following my intuition & calling more, tapping into my dark feminine, enter my heiress/queen era, embracing leadership qualities, reflecting on my influence/how my character may impact others, not going back on my word aka standing on business, use negative energy as motivation.

Recently I had an encounter with an anon telling me something negative, I didn't give it much energy only a little however that alone made me feel something inside. A form of power when I did that. It felt good to stand up for myself and not just take the disrespect. Ive found myself feeling more positive when i did things i wanted to do rather than settle on what others wanted me to do. For example, me cleaning my room I share my room with my little sister which I despise honestly ����🏾‍♀️(currently manifesting new family btw), i had held off cleaning it because i felt as though since the mess is from her she should be the one tk clean it which only made me more irritated because i knew she wouldn't. Well i finally took things ibto my own hands and cleaned it all myself, I found myself not only feeling more vibrant but happier when I cleaned it the way I wanted it really reduced my stress. It's the same with my self care routine, when I did it the way I wanted a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's only when I feel like my decision of how I may feel best is overshadowed and trampled over by outside opinions is when things tend to go south. I've felt the need more and more to break from boundaries and social norms and do my own thing without everyone else in my ear telling me what I should and shouldn't do.

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Rihanna:

○ When it comes to rihanna, recently I've found her rawness really drawing to me. Especially when she was younger. She isn't afraid to say what she wants. Recently she did a photosgoot and i was super drawn to it. She continues to embrace her rebel "bad gyal" image and I've found myself relating to it. As someone who has always been label the "good girl" the dark theme has been truly drawing to me. Even if it isn't just dark colors, but the regal sex appeal, the rawness, the unfiltered chaotic energy, it's very magnetic to me. She also falls in the vixen archetype, which is one of the archetypes I have from the feminine archetype quiz.

Aaliyah:

○Now...I'm gonna be 100% honest, Aaliyah definitely wasn't someone I'd think I'd relate to at all. I didn't know her 100% well celebrity wise since I grew up with ppl like nicki, Rihanna and beyonce. However after doing research on her here and there and taking notes on how she was as an artist and person I've found I've related to her more than anything this year. She carries a mystic air about her that in today's artists you can see many tried copying and replicating. She was quite literally the world's it girl and even now ppl still talk about how amazing and sweet she is. I love how she didn't tell everything but told alot about her. She respected her own privacy majority of the time. Also I connect alot with her aesthetic of having like a tomboy look but it still looks really feminine in a way. She was a trendsetter at its finest and was soft spoken as well which makes me like her even more.

Nicki Minaj:

○ Ms. Nicki minaj, nicki Lewinsky, nicki da harajuku barbie!! She has been my #1 inspiration and muse when it comes to a high self concept. Despite the things that's happen in her personal life and seeing how her career has transformed over the years one of the main takeaways I can see is that since day 1 she never stopped affirming that she in fact was the #1 queen and that there would never and will never be another one like her, after her, can't even replicate her. Even in her old songs she quite literally prophesied and solidified her position as the queen of rap for years to come. Regardless if you love her or hate her u quite literally can't deny it since no one in this world has done what she's done even the ones that's tried to, failed. She is the definition of having true passion in what she loves, having unwavering ambition and drive to keep going despite all odds going against her. She also had this motherly energy towards her fans that I appreciate especially in her early days. She's always loved the barbs and continues to show gratitude. Learning from that I could take away to always be humble but don't ever let anyone step all over u either. Also she's probably the best I've seen when it comes to self branding yourself. Literally the situation with ice spice is a perfect example with the wigs and flow she did. Nicki has curated her aesthetic and brand so well that literally even the littlest change on someone such as pink or bangs or ankle inched black bussdown hair is associated with her and her brand. Now nicki herself may not have created these things and yes there were ppl before her who have worn pink and long hair but none of them actually made it there BRAND their STAPLE PIECE it may have been a moment but it wasn't a LOOK and that's what nicki did. After learning from that currently I've felt to go in the direction of making my own "princess self concept", a smaller version of her "queen" like nature. (Since rn I don't feel like much of a queen at all and see myself as a baby queen, a princess. Its not time yet)

Beyonce:

As a fellow virgo she too has perfectionism and I myself am a perfectionist. I 100% respect her work ethic especially when it comes to her performances. She continues to wanna top herself and not settle no matter the heights. Another thing is her gold aesthetic that I've felt more and more drawn to. It just screams royalty, that's something I've felt more and more called towards as well. She literally turned herself into a star amd made sure she shined the brightest. I love older vids of her where she always wanted remain as honest as possible and u could even see on some of her facial expressions when she knew some stuff was bs or just wasn't up to par. For that I have to respect that and her heavy keen eye to detail. She tolerated zero room for disrespect and this could be seen in her bow down record and though she said no name all the hit dogs hollered.

Kendrick lamar:

○Now I'm ngl, after the drake and kendrick beef its made me have a ton for respect for him as an artist but it also made me do some digging back in his old music. After doing proper thorough listens, I noticed his humble character and down to earth nature. After the battle, I was really drawn to his straightforwardness. He didn't play any internet games and didn't sugar coat either. That leads me to my self concept. More and more I find myself feeling good when I just start telling ppl like it is, where my boundaries are, where I am with this and that person. Not only does it makes things less confusing for the both of us but it shows that there is just some things that I'm not ok with tolerating and I will say it as many times as needed until u realize that. I also took note of how in his music he tended to talk about actual issues especially within the black community. As someone who expresses myself through art, that is something we have in common. Using our forms of art to heal ourselves and those around us by connecting through our problems and fixing them. For example, his song father time was him talking about his daddy issues ans his wife telling him he needs therapy. Though the song was technically about the men, as a growing young woman with daddy issues I related to the song heavily. This is the same with his unreleased song prayer where he continually used examples of separating the art from the artists and how we as ppl shouldn't be idolizing the celebrity and then stop when we see them doing something bad, the main point is that they are no better than us regular folks and still do bad things and make mistakes also, however those mistakes shouldn't be a reason u should stop loving there art entirely because if that was the case then no celebrities should exist because they've all done something bad in there lives just like we have. For that, I can takeaways the power of not just being aware of others faults but our own as well. He even admitted himself he still has healing to do and that's something I can relate to. The value of not staying the same and growing into your highest self definitely adds to me working on a growth mindset rather than a egotistical narrow minded one.

Sharpay Evans:

○ I'm ngl when i was younger i hated her. I thought she was egotistical, arrogant and messy. Now that im older i can see that she wasnt 100% that way at all, she was confident in herself and knew who she was and was literally oblivious to anyone who didnt like it. She had her own signature to everything as well thats how u knew it was sharpay whether u saw cute kitten heels, glitter ink pens or fur. Even on graduation she stood out with her signature SE hat. And her fashion was always top tier and iconic regardless of how stressed out she was from gabriella she didnt allow herself to go a day without looking good.

(Honerable mentions to Regina George, Elle woods, Cher Horowitz. My fav blondie girl bosses)

Marilyn Monroe:

○ Last but certainly not least is Marilyn Monroe. I think I've connected to her on a deeper level not just because of her manifestation story but also because I have the best connection to her when it comes to the way I feel about beauty. Beauty and being in the spotlight is something I highly struggle with, simply because it's something I daydream about so much whether it's imagining me getting plastic surgery or just me waking up one day with my dream life. Knowing that even someone who's considered the most beautiful woman in the world felt insecure in herself as well made me feel almost more human with myself and how I look and act. I did research on her years ago and found old vids of how she would talk about how much she'd study herself from her mannerisms to the way her hands moves to how she sounds to her facial expressions and so much more to give off illusions of things, even in her iconic walk I think she trimmed one of her heels to give the illusion of her hips swaying. She literally studied and curated her entire persona until she became who she is known as today. Even then I saw a few later vids of her and how sad she seemed in the eyes. This not only taught me more on self branding but also the importance of self love as well. I have a feeling had she lived a bit longer she may would've grown deeper into that. However something I could take away was the importance of enhancing your qualities of yourself the best way you can and that's exactly what she did

■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■

Anyway that's all for now darlings I have so many things in store for the future and I can't wait to share them all with u guys!! Xoxo, Allurèa

[raayllum]

I’m not great at speculations or theories, this is just something I noticed— do you think there’s foreshadowing with Viren telling Claudia in ep 3 that the wave will “swallow you up”, and Aaravos’s “I swallowed her”? Idk man it’s the same word

I think there's a lot to be said for Claudia and Callum's dynamics with the ocean/water in S5 tbh.

I think the phrase of "it'll swallow you up" and "I swallowed her" is intentional repeat (why not have Viren say "you'll drown" for example? It'd even foreshadow her nearly drowning at the end of the season). Dark magic is inherently transactional and consumptive, taking the essence of not only the beings in the world around it but also of the caster (hence the corruption and fatigue). I don't think it's an accident we see both Kim'Dael and Claudia drink blood in this season, nor that Claudia drinks her own

If we look at how the Ocean is framed in S5, we see that Callum largely learns the lesson that both Claudia and Viren embody: you'll go to great lengths (or depths) to save the people you love, with Viren saving Soren (past) and wanting to save Claudia (present) diving into his dreams / water, and Claudia literally saving Viren throughout the season. In a lot of ways it's a literal manifestation of Callum's more metaphorical assessment; he'll go to those dark, deep places for his loved ones ("to love is simply know this"), even if that means resorting to dark magic.

However, Callum and Claudia do have different arcs, with Claudia being 'eaten' and 'spat out' (washing up on shore) by the Ocean in 5x09, whereas Callum is able to wield ocean magic. I think there's something to be said for the little inclinations though, too, like with Callum saving Rayla from being literally swallowed/eaten by a creature from the sea, him being the last one to get out of the boat in 5x09 (ensuring that Rayla and Ez go first bc he Loves them), and Viren turning his back on the water to go die in the forest > Claudia being carried through on the surf

[zarvasace]

Hello! This is the first time I have ever interacted with you and if it’s ok I would like to ask a question about your space au:) I’m just curious as to how some of the game mechanics would work in your fics. Stuff like mipha’s grace or the wind waker, basically the abilities that the links have

Hello!! Nice to meet you! Of course it's okay to ask questions, I love talking about stories. XD

And this is an excellent question. It isn't something I've considered TOO heavily before, especially for the examples you provided, but it's really fascinating to think about! Nothing is "canon" until I write it in a story but here are some thoughts...

Hyrule's abilities have been discussed a bit—they're not too unusual for his people and planet, though it is unusual to have multiple like he does.

Twilight's have been mentioned. He has used darkness to travel, essentially turning into a shadowy wolf to do it, which is a product of his half-Twili heritage.

Four is an android, and thus anything out of the ordinary that he does can be explained that way.

Sky is mostly Hylian, which is unusual, but he is also from many generations ago. He doesn't have many traits or internal abilities that people wouldn't be familiar with. Wars is the same, though his Hylian genes are sort of more "distilled" and thus a bit more uncanny. Neither of them have odd magical abilities that come as a result of anything other than items or friends (so they think.)

Legend is Sheikah, which in this AU have malleable appearances, and he's trained to take that to the limit, which explains his transformations. Other magic he does, i.e. the LBW painting thing, the LttP medallions, and whatever else, are mostly explained through clever use of technology, sometimes combined with his natural talents.

Wind is half-Zora and partially aquatic. I haven't quite decided how his wind waker abilities translate in this AU, but I think the chances of it being technology are pretty high. The "Great Sea" is a grouping of small planets (or asteroids? I don't remember off the top of my head) so I think it would make sense for his Wind Waker baton to either somehow control the weather on a few of them, or perhaps atmosphere between them, or even just his ship itself. Or maybe it is a kind of magic he was granted! That would be cool too! They're all fun options.

As for Wild and Time's abilities and magic... Well, Deities sure are mysterious, aren't they? ;)

Okay just kidding. Those elemental/combat abilities absolutely have to do with their heritage of Deity. Remember how Deities change to look like the people they grow up around? Their inherent abilities do something similar. Wild trained early on in a lot of high-risk, him-against-a-lot combat, so his blessings manifested as what the champion abilities are in BotW. He associates them with the champions because they resemble real abilities the champions had (coincidence?) Time didn't have examples quite as strong, and he didn't grow up as militant, so his blessings manifest with more blunt power on the elemental side. They're still refining and shifting, but they'll always be rather devastating.

...👀

And Sun's Deity blessings manifest very much out of a desire to keep herself and the people she loves safe. She is quite powerful, and can actually handle some time manipulation. How else do you think Skyloft station escaped the Calamity so cleanly? (Her Deity heritage remains a secret.)

[itsbebebrainrotting]

Analysis of qtubbo and qphils separate parenting flaws which might get me chased with pitchforks so im not tagging it:

(Long so under a cut)

Phils issue, when it comes to the other eggs, really boils down to his isolation. He only prioritises Chayanne and Tallulah (and he prioritises them by a lot) and only really knows Chayanne and Tallulah. And thats because he doesnt hang out with the other eggs often (and gets panicky when taking care of 3 eggs at once so never really gets to know them).

To him, dapper has cool shit, richas is just mischievous and sunny just likes money. This, as a start, just messes up his interactions with some eggs because he acts more familiar with them than he is and doesnt take a chance to know them better. This is worsened by how non serious and out of rp phil often is because when phil isnt rping the eggs still are. They will take his jokes srs. (And its especially bad with sunny cuz sunny is so defensive of tubbo, who qphil makes fun of a lot, and he also places that same relationship onto sunny, even if he doesnt know her well enough to have that relationship).

He also always prioritises his kids to the point of almost putting other kids down. It was RICHAS at fault in that argument over that painting he had with tallulah (cuz phil doesnt know richas enough to know he had an actual issue there). Phil didnt look for dapper when he was kidnapped and at risk of dying. Sunny and Leo fighting was none of his business. When sunny was sad their pa was gone phil compared it to his daughters loss and accidentally minimised their upset.

And the thing is, qphil isnt even perfect with chayanne and tallulah (enderking aside). He sees chayannes feeling of duty to everyone and encourages it rather than noticing how worrying it is. He also is seemingly unaware how deep it runs, considering how long it took him to notice chayannes hurt after tubbos death (and, may i add, chayannes egg bit with tubbo was way more heavily played into by phil than by tubbo). Hes seemingly a bit more attentive with tallulah (though notably i feel less knowledgeable on tallulahs woes nowadays than i used to - oh how the tides change). I know she struggles with loneliness and abandonment issues, and afaik hes very aware of that. But his own isolation therefore backfired a lot on her and he really doesnt notice. (Note: post reset i would also say qphil is probably less isolated but i cant really since i dont watch him and also most of the post reset phil has been enderking affected)

However, I wouldn't say qphil is a bad father to chayanne and tallulah. He just has one big flaw: He doesnt see the negative effects of some of his own actions and they suffer because of it.

Anyway, now to qtubbo, cuz im a tubbling and this analysis should be fair to both crows and tubblings.

Firstly, lets address post revival tubbo. Hes a lot more direct about his hurt and feelings, which manifests into him being mean and short tempered at times because qtubbo puts up with a lot of shit. This backfires at times onto his relationship with the eggs as he directs a lot of unnecessary anger onto them. He guilted both richas and chayanne for his death, for example.

That, however, isnt the only reasons he is a flawed egg caretaker.

See, qtubbo doesnt (always) have the same issues as phil. He babysits often and knows the eggs he regularly takes care of them really well, caring for them almost as much as he cares for sunny. The only egg id say he really didnt try to get to know at first was dapper (but he went out of his way to resolve the beef there). But, he also went to the end of the world and back for dapper so...

Tubbos issues with the eggs are more about his difficulty providing emotional comfort, than anything else.

For a start, both q and cc tubbo use humour as a coping mechanism. He will make poorly times jokes in dark situations because its his way of coping and dealing in those moments. That leaves eggs feeling hurt cuz he seems a lot less serious than they are.

Then theres the fact that while he lets the kids be kids, he also can struggle with telling the emotional age of the kids (he said sunny was 11 💀). This means he can sometimes act like the kids can handle a lot worse than they can.

Plus, his need for petty drama means he will accidentally upset the kids and not care that them fighting will upset them.

Not only that but he struggles at times to help sunny when she has issues (such as leo and tallulah disliking her at first) in part becayse he himself struggled with those issues irl. Of course he doesn't take the smart course of action there because he doesnt know how to fix it irl, let alone in rp.

Oh and all that also ignores the fact that tubbos suicidal tendencies are pushed onto sunny to the point where they literally have a suicide pact together

So, no, in short, qtubbo isnt perfect either. But that comes from struggling at times to be emotional support as well as his own poor mental health, which is entirely different to phils issues, which stem from his tendency to isolate (and a bit of a lack of self awareness).

[paragonrobits]

I was rewatching the 2nd episode of Hunter the Parenting and I was thinking about how Pyotr isn’t that weird looking for a Nosferatu and it hit me that all of the Sabbat group here are deliberately contrary to how their Clans normally function, both in the sense of stereotypes about them but also in the way the outlooks fostered by those Clans don’t apply to them in a way that doesn’t quite feel like the way Antitrubu (Vampires who go against the grain of their Clan’s normal political leanings by joining the Sabbat if they are normally Camarilla aligned) tend to do

Pyotr is the obvious one and the one who sparked this whole avenue of thought. The first and most obvious case is that he’s weird looking but not as much as expected for a Nosferatu. He looks odd, yes, but huge eyes, a somewhat skeletal face and exposed teeth is incredibly mild by the standards of the Nosferatu. The fact that he’s something of a sexyman here also adds to it, since the Nosferatu curse (whether in this setting or in Requiem) manifests as instinctive revulsion so its not the sort of thing that gets found attractive except through sheer charisma, and he’s so determined to be a monster that he doesn’t even bother to try that.

The second bit though is that he is the most loose-lipped of the vampires, barring Ape’s attempts to be a Sabbat speaker so much that he annoys the others. He doesn’t just drop terminology like Ape, he actively explains things to them and tries to win them over to the cause by just telling them all about the vampire condition, albieit from the Sabbat’s warped perspective. This is notable because the Nosferatu are widely known as the Clan of information brokers. They do NOT just tell stuff like this. They know everything. A Nossie just telling info like this is deeply subversive.

Additionally, he is the most overwhelming evil of the Sabbat and while that is expected for the Sabbat, especially someone as fanatical as he seems to be, the Nosferatu have a reputation for being more moral. Not that much in this setting, true; they ARE still vampires. But the rejection and being forced to live in the shadows tends to make the Nosferatu more inclined to notice the plights of others and feel compassion in a way other vampires often refuse to, and they can’t pretend they’re something better. They’re monsters, and acknowledging this makes it easier to be something more than just the beast that haunts the blood. Pyotr on the other hand is remarkably cruel and unpleasant to the point that of all the TTS characters, he bears the most resemblence to the DARK ELDAR of all things!

Ape is a stand out example. Firstly, while he’s odd looking its a bit weird that he LOOKS so human; its honestly hard to tell he’s animalistic and not just a weird looking guy if you don’t notice his teeth and claws. The Gangrel in this edition developed permanent animal features whenever they frenzied, and even a young would-be Sabbat should look absolutely inhuman, and yet he doesn’t ,which indicates he’s probably not quite as genuine about it as he tries to act. The second bit is that he’s kind of a dumbass; the Gangrel are genuinely a Clan of cagey, cunning survivors and they tend to be smart, since you have to be smart to survive as a Gangrel; Requiem goes a lot further with this. but a meathead Gangrel is a pretty big difference given that the signature Gangrel character was Beckett, who is a professional scholar.

On a more tragic level is Shitbeard; its been noted he was most likely a highly moral man who felt passionate enough about learning that he went to college later in life, only to have that mortal life taken from him when he took part in a blood drive. And this ties into his biggest grief, the feeling of losing his mortal mundanity and the pleasures of being truly human, when as a Brujah he should have the easiest time holding onto those feelings. The vampires of this setting are often depicted as creatively sterile and burned out, with difficulty maintaining genuine passion for anything other than bloodlust or darker pursuits, but the Brujah are deeply passionate to a degree that it can imbalance them into destructive rages. Not for nothing are they the ones that keep the Anarch Movement going; they can muster a raw passion most humans can’t match, let alone a vampire. (Werewolves probably have them beat, though.)

So for Shitbeard to so intensely feel and mourn everything he’s lost is deeply tragic, because he should have the easiest time keeping in touch with what once kept him human.

This brings us to Kevin, who is the most different from the usual expectations to such a degree I honestly think it’s likely Alfabusa and the rest sat down, worked out the Tremere’s normal stereotypes, and wrote a character that flaunts them at every measure. The Tremere are proud, arrogant and widely disliked assholes that are so broadly evil that the very concept of a likable Tremere is, itself, kind of shocking, given that they tend to be arrogant and disdainful to everyone and everything. Kevin, on the other hand, is a very likable guy.

Tremere are also tightly linked to heirarchy and the dictates of their sires; while Kevin has worked his way free of it, the Pyramid is such an integral part of the Tremere mindset that this is even more shocking on a huge level.

He’s compassionate and attached to animals, when casual cruelty is very common to the Tremere. He’s as human as a vampire can be while being in modest standing among the Sabbat, he tends to use his Dominate powers in surprisingly nonviolent ways (i meant he did try to stab Big D but in the world of darkness, a delaying tactic at all is pretty humane), and perhaps most noteworthy, it’s not clear if he can use thaumaturgy, the blood magic of the Tremere. He clearly knows ABOUT it and he’s very defensive, but he has very clearly not used it at all, which is odd for a Tremere, they’re very stuck up about it. This is possible given that since he has a clear low ranking among his fellows, its possible he was only given the most basic training in thaumaturgy before he cut his own way loose and finds it better to exploit Dominate rather than more bloody skills.

[elbiotipo]

could you have an equator going on a weird shape like a spiral or the infinity symbol?

In a literal way, no, since by definition the equator is the line that divides a sphere or spheroid in half. But you could get some strange shapes, even in real life.

I'll have to get back to you later on the spiral one, since it's a real interesting one to ponder, as I'm trying to picture how would a "spiral" world would look like. If you read my Flat Worlds or Disc Worlds post, in a (completely fantastical or ultratech setting of course) situation where the source of light are actually orbiting luminaries as in "spotlights", you could make the "sun" travel in a spiral or meandering path, where the most illuminated zones would be tropical and the less illuminated ones be cold, you could have a strange spiral pattern to your climate, though I have NO idea how would that work in a wider plane. Given that a flat world would be made of magic (or ultratech) material to begin with, there is also no real reason why it couldn't be shaped like say, a spiral, an asterisk or a flower instead of a disk, but I don't know how the gravity would work. In a world with so many strange edges, in real life, if it somehow manifested, gravity would try to push it into a disk and later a sphere. If it maintained itself stable, you would find many, many "edges of the world", for more info, see my flat worlds post.

HOWEVER, you might be surprised that toroidal, that is, donught shaped planets are enterily possible under the natural laws of physics:

Both scientists and science fiction authors have studied the possibility, and they have proven that with natural materials like iron and silicon, such a shape could be stable and it could have an stable orbit on itself. You would have an inner and outer "equator" (not sure of the right terminology) and there have been some speculations on how climate and such would work. I'm too busy to look for them right now, but I will try to make a mini-post on them.

The thing, of course, is that it's highly unlikely if not impossible that such worlds would form naturally (though an artificial one would behave exactly like a natural spherical planet). There are some possible toroid systems of planet formations but it's all speculative. However, the universe is so absurdly large that I'm very willing to bet that at least one exists naturally somewhere.

Now, I know what you're thinking, could you fuse two of these toroid worlds to make an infinite (or 8) shaped world? How would that work? I'm not a physicist but I'm willing to bet it "wouldn't", at least in a realistic way, and I'm having a hard time to picture how would day and night work there. I have this stupid idea of a sun going up and down in both holes, but that would mean the outer part would be in perpetual darkness, wouldn't it? Still, it's interesting for the noveltly if nothing else.

There is an example of such fused "worlds", Arrokoth, but this one is more of a pack of comets mushed together than an actual planet, it's about 35 km long. I doubt it could happen with larger worlds. Still, interesting.

There could also be some fusiform worlds or egg-shaped worlds, and indeed we HAVE found some like Haumea, as well as twin worlds (Pluto and Charon practically are one, as well as the Earth-Moon system) that could result in odd shapes. I might make a post about these and more strange world shapes in the future; for now, enjoy the flat worlds one!

[warrior-cats-rewritten]

You punish Bramblestar just enough. Enough to make up for all the times canon and its authors kissed his ass, putting an abusive tyrant on a pedestal over all other characters. It’s both satisfying, compelling, and kinda funny; a fitting end for someone so blatantly yet subtly abusive and corrupt, but somehow also petty and childish in a way no other character is. My favourite staple of Warriors rewrites to show how far their stance is from canon is giving Bramble actual, at times genuinely REALISTIC consequences for his actions. It’s a deserved spit in the face to the idea of hyping up some toxic fragile asshole as a noble hero, like the cognitive dissonance that persists in the books and the authors seem to genuinely believe. Did I mention the lightning is SO funny, it’s like a fire scene in terms of iconicness to me. Deserved. Bramble stans stay loosing, y’all can’t even form an argument.

In terms of the Holy Firestar Lightning Attack, I wanted something quick, "divine looking", and just strange enough that it crossed the border of possible magic. Something I feel fits into Warriors.

I'll never "over punish" a character. Thistleclaw gets a fitting end, ripped open like a bag of doritos by Snowfur, realizing his ideals have actually pushed her away, and that after all this time, Snowfur changed. He dies in complete shock and betrayal.

Tom The Wifebeater gets eaten by One Eye, mind you it was in front of poor Sparrow Fur, but afterwards One Eye uses his dark Sun God magic and consumes Tom's soul as well.

Clear Sky is pancaked on the side of the road by two Twolegs, his body left in the small ditch (respectfully, as they are humans who felt terrible for hitting a kitty and had no way of burying him) before they look out over what is going to be Skyclan's land, realizing how nice it would be to expand Chelford into that area.... Thus setting in motion the events of Skyfall. His spirit is used by Bright Storm to BECOME the Dark Forest barrier.

Gray Wing dies alone and bitter when he pushes away all forms of help, becoming a hateful spirit that perpetuates a curse that's timer has finally hit 0 on, resulting in the death/displacement of all 5 Clan leaders, starting with Riverclan. He also manifests himself through the unlucky offspring of 2 cursed bloodlines (Tigerkin and Applekin) Curlfeather. I'm not giving away his defeat yet though!

For Brambleclaw, I wanted that classic Warrior cats feel, and I think getting smote by holy lightning similar to Mudclaw fits that.

A lightning bolt during plain daylight is already considered a freak event like that has only ever happened once before in Clan history, to the magic user Ṣ̶̫̅n̴̹̯̾̒o̸̜͛ẁ̷͍t̵̰̎ủ̴̲͝f̷̙̳̆t̸̼͐ who got magic BANNED because he used it to ruin Sunningrocks and put generations of bloody wars and pointless fighting in place.

The only cat I've ever gone "too far" with is in an in-universe example of a cat who was punished for her mother's crimes, as her mother had murdered an apprentice. When her apprentice went missing later, she was blamed, and exiled. She also didn't go to Starclan, or the Dark Forest, but rather, somewhere much, much more dangerous.

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Hmmm.... chewing on the parallels between Miquella and Ralsei.

They're both childlike princes who are in part associated with dreams - Miquella through St. Trina, and Ralsei through the dreamlike Dark Worlds - and both are beloved figures, though in the latter's case it's more out-of-universe than in-universe. But what's causing my brain to go brrrr about it is the concept of eternal childhood and how their eternally-nascent natures might serve to "compel" affection.

This is long, so it's going under a read more!

As social creatures, we humans are predisposed to fawn over infants, not just of our own species but those of many animals. We associate early childhood with innocence, naivety and purity, Hearing a crying baby is particularly distressing to us, and in many people instills a compulsion to attempt to soothe, look after and protect these helpless creatures.

In Miquella's case, it could be that his eternally youthful state preys upon this instinct in people, and they are drawn to serve and protect him despite his standing as an Empyrean. Indeed, it's possible that he has learned to weaponise it, placing himself beyond reproach as a platonic ideal of purity and innocence, which he could potentially use as a veil to commit some questionable actions. And I think there's something to be said for applying this view to Ralsei, as well.

While the Prince from the Dark is assumed to be a teenager, and around the same age as Kris and Susie, a lot of Ralsei's characteristics are more typically childlike - his very large eyes in proportion to his head (accentuated by the huge lenses of his glasses); his general naivety of the greater world, the people in it, and even himself to a degree; his relentless optimism that no-one needs to be hurt or killed, not even the most monstrous of foes; and above all, his overwhelming need and desire for companionship, manifesting in an almost-religious devotion to people he considers his friends. It's clear that these traits are designed to play on those instincts to nurture and protect, in us players if not necessarily the characters in-universe. This isn't even going into the potential nostalgia of his associations with and connections to Undertale's version of Asriel.

I have often considered Ralsei to be a prime example of a "supernormal" stimulus - an extreme over-exaggeration of certain traits that provoke an equally extreme instinctual response in creatures susceptible to it. Think of herring-gull chicks who will prefer to peck at a bright red spot on the bill of a dummy adult, rather than an actual live adult with a less-bright red spot. Whether because he was designed that way, or because he's deliberately cultivating that impression, Ralsei's playing-at-childhood-innocence has a similar effect, serving to "compel" affection from players in a like fashion to how Miquella is able to "compel" the affection of characters in Elden Ring.

Where this gets REALLY interesting is when we take Undertale and Deltarune's incorporation of meta elements in their game universes into consideration. There is a compelling case to be made that Ralsei's main target for his affection, Kris, is actually just a proxy to his real goal - us. Considering all of the above regarding his childlike traits, it's hard not to think that at the very least, Toby and his team are trying to engender this strange pseudo-reciprocity of affection between us and Ralsei, even if the character himself is not actively trying to achieve that in-game. And it is when we look at Miquella, who serves as a template for how such affection can be compelled, that we can see just how Ralsei has managed to achieve such a vast and devoted following, despite his seeming lack of depth as a character and his being a literal expy of Asriel from another game.

Of course, since we don't currently have all the information to hand, we don't know to what end this potential angle could take us. But I find it extremely fascinating to consider that there is actually quite a strong case that we are being groomed by Ralsei - or his creator - in some way. Especially when you consider what Miquella actually ends up doing with his abilities, it raises some pretty interesting possibilities that just might make us consider our favourite fluffy little cinnamon roll in a more nuanced light, as opposed to the false binary of "uwu baby" and "diabolical villain".

Thanks for reading! This wound up being much longer than I'd initially planned for, and it's just a jumbled assortment of thoughts I had upon learning about Miquella in Elden Ring, and how the nature of his being might transpose onto Ralsei. Hopefully this made you think a little bit about that too!

[ladyhindsight]

So recently I fell back down the rabbit hole that is the Shadowhunters series about five years after I finished all the available books with City of Heavenly Fire. While The Mortal Instruments and The Infernal Devices haven’t really stuck significantly in my mind until I stumbled across your critiques of City of Lost Souls, it is a different story with The Dark Artifices. In a very bad way. Trite writing, a weird focus on features considered “exotic” (Emma’s blonde hair, Julian’s blue-green eyes, etc), generally poor character writing, the standard faire of issues that come from CC’s writing. But in particular I remember having issues with Ty Blackthorn and how his autism was portrayed, as someone who was professionally diagnosed. From what I recall from his arcs (specifically in QoAaD) a lot of his actions felt steeped in vainglory, him being confused about Kit leaving with Tessa without saying goodbye after heavily hurting Kit emotionally during the attempt to resurrect Livvy is the foremost example I can think of. It honestly really fucked with me when I first read it and made my internalized ableism a lot worse, something I am still trying to get over even now, as it made me afraid that is how other people saw me due to being on the spectrum. All that aside though, I wanted to ask you, since you generally are more familiar than CC’s work than I due to reading it at a more recent time, if people do consider Ty to be good autistic representation, and why or why not that may be. I want to know if my malice for Ty and what felt like an extremely offensive and, dare I say, borderline stereotypical portrayal of autism is just me being a bitch or if it is a common complaint amongst those willing to criticize Clare’s work.

Sorry if that was a massive fucking word salad I’ve been meaning to ask someone this question for almost half a decade after reading QoAaD😭😭

THE BLACKTHORN EYES. You shan’t forget. It’s been five years since I read Queen of Air and Darkness and I haven’t.

I find it difficult to assess to some degree how good a specific representation is. As to Ty, I’ve seen readers being incredibly happy with him and then vice versa like you. The difficulty lies in the way I think it’s misleading to look for general assertions in characters like Ty. How could you possibly represent a whole group of people that exists on a spectrum with varying degrees of symptoms that manifest in wide variety of ways with just one character? Another facet to the difficulty in assessing the quality of representation (Ty’s or in general) is that I hardly, if at all, identify with or like characters based on some traits they possess rather than how the character is in general, how the character works within the story, and what their dynamic is like with the other characters. The impression of a character is created in interaction with all the other elements of the book.

Ty is just one individual, and I’ve never looked at him as anything other than him being a representation of who he is, not what other people with autism generally are. Ty was based on a son of Clare’s friend, so I’d feel weird completely denouncing Ty's character, especially as someone not on the spectrum. Then again we all know how badly Clare translates real life stuff into her works and her writing, so… That being said, there are certain characteristics—I mean there has to be for a diagnosis even to exist or to be made—that need to be present. And those present with Ty, as you said, seem borderline if not exactly stereotypical.

What I am trying to say is that in and of itself and completely separate from the other elements, I don’t think Ty is the worst written character. My issue with Ty’s representation lies in its utilization in the story. For years now, Clare’s inclusion of different issues (social, societal, psychological, medical, neuropsychiatric etc.) has seemed more performative than genuine, which is relayed by the fact that the stories do not really focus on these issues, but mostly sidesteps them in favor of some boring aspect to the main romantic relationship. What truly then infuriates me, is treating what is supposed to be that representation almost as the sole aspect to that character, completely over-saturating their existence with this one (in this case) disorder, and then use it as a tool to elevate other characters.

The problem is glaring when Ty doesn’t live outside of that fact that he has autism but rather becomes the embodiment of it (especially considering there are no other characters with autism included in the series). People are more than their disorders, and though they are massive parts of everyday lives and sources of serious struggles to some people, reducing someone’s existence to just that is not it. Ty was there for the purpose of elevating Julian’s devotion and care for his family, to emphasize the love he has and the lengths he would go to in order to protect them. Clare wrote in one of her answers that she was glad people picked up on Ty’s autism, but how could they not? It was pushed into almost every scene he was in just so the readers would take notice. Clare does not know subtlety or subtext or have any sense of proportionality for which the writing was excessive.

You’re not a bitch lol, and what you said here is a common criticism from what I’ve ever seen. I don’t think you really need my take on whether to hold onto your malice (just offering my winding perspective here, bon appétit), since here you have justified and reasoned your opinion and feelings about Ty completely appropriately. Though it’s been years since I’ve interacted with anything to do with Clare’s fans or their opinions other than book reviews, I’ve found that the readers who tend to praise her writing rarely have such distinguished reasons for why so.  

Word salads are always welcome. I feel like I’m offering you one in return. :’)