#i was listening to fearless hero on repeat while making this

[calculatorguitar]

I have meow meow brainrot just like everyone else on this hellsite. Take this screenshot redraw!

[anim-ttrpgs]

How to Choose Music for a TTRPG Session & Eureka Song Selections

When our own group plays any TTRPG, we always like to have some amount of background music to help with the mood and tone, and if you do too, then here's a post about how best to choose it, because it is a learnable skill!

I am one of the creators of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy

and the idea for this post grew out of making a curated list of songs for Eureka sessions, each sorted into different categories for easy access. The Narrator in a Eureka campaign exercises very little control over the story and pacing of the game, so it isn't very helpful to plan for a specific reveal of specific scene set to a certain song. To that end, I have sorted these songs into various types of scenes, tones, etc. for you to grab as the story is emerging.

You can find these lists here:

Session Intro Music (in case you wanna open each session with a musical theme like an episode of a tv show)

Investigation Scene Music (low-stakes) or Meal Scene

Investigation Scene Music (tense/creepy) Part 1

Investigation Scene Music (tense/creepy) Part 2

Foot Chase Music

Vehicle Chase Music

Scooby-doo-ass Chase Music

Investigators Fleeing/Hiding from Monster Music

Unarmed Combat Music

Deadly/Armed Melee Combat Music

Deadly/Firearm Combat Music

Monster Rampage Music

Monster Hunting Music (as in the monster is a PC who is hunting prey)

How to Choose Music for a TTRPG Session

There’s a few things that make a good TTRPG session song that aren’t immediately obvious.

Avoid Lyrics

Lyrics are a no-go 90% of the time. You gotta assume that the players will be trying to read rules and/or do math during the session and lyrics can make that harder.

Avoid Loud, Dissonate, or Disorienting Music

For the very same reasons—and this is especially useful to keep in mind for a horror-themed game like Eureka—it can't be too dissident or grating. A lot of horror video game music is really dissident screechy and offensive to the ears because this induces a tiny sense of panic, but again, like with lyrics, this means it’s hard to actually play a TTRPG while listening to this.

Don't Outpace the Combat

For combat music, a fast-paced “action” song can work, but if it’s too fast-paced it really quickly outpaces the combat itself because TTRPG combat is necessarily kind of slow. I do have plenty of fast-paced actiony songs in those lists, but those are best grouped into a playlist in sequence rather than looped, because then you at least have the rather frequent serendipity of the song changing on a per-turn basis.

The usual better option is something “tense” and “cool” but a bit more understated, usually with a mid-intensity repeating beat. Complex action songs work in other mediums like movies because their notes can be tailored to sync up to the actual actions on-screen, but that won’t happen in a TTRPG 90% of the time, even if just because describing a character throwing a punch takes way longer than a character throwing a punch in a movie.

For Eureka I also had to like make sure there was a good selection of action music in there that wasn’t too “cool” or “heroic.” Eureka characters are not fearless action heroes nor usually trained soldiers. If they are in a fight, it usually isnt cool, it’s scary. If anything, the combat music should be the bad guy’s theme, not the protagonists’, because they’re the ones with the advantage. When a Eureka PC does have the advantage and can be super “cool” in a fight, they’re probably a monster, in which case it’s the other way around, they’re the terrifying bad guy in the NPC’s story, and I tried to pick music to reflect that with “darker,” more “sinister” tracks.

Choose Songs without Shifts in Tempo or Intensity

You want something that is very easy to loop. Lots of cool songs go through pretty dramatic changes in their intensity over the course of their runtime. This is cool like I said when they can be synced up to action in a movie, but they’ll never (or rarely) sync up with anything in a TTRPG session. They’re going to be playing over and over on like a 3-minute loop as you roll dice and occasionally look up rules, and if this loop is really noticeable because of how the song starts out slow and then swells in intensity, that is going to be annoying fast. You want a song that has a relatively consistent level of intensity throughout its whole runtime.

Elegantly designed and thoroughly playtested, Eureka represents the culmination of three years of near-daily work from our team, as well as a lot of our own money. If you’re just now reading this and learning about Eureka for the first time, you missed the crowdfunding window unfortunately, but you can still check out the public beta on itch.io to learn more about what Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy actually is, as that is where we have all the fancy art assets, the animated trailer, links to video reviews by podcasts and youtubers, etc.!

You can also follow updates on our Kickstarter page where we post regular updates on the status of our progress finishing the game and getting it ready for final release.

Beta Copies through the Patreon

If you want more, you can download regularly updated playable beta versions of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy earlier, plus extra content such as adventure modules by subscribing to our Patreon at the $5 tier or higher. Subscribing to our patreon also grants you access to our patreon discord server where you can talk to us directly and offer valuable feedback on our progress and projects.

The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club

If you would like to meet the A.N.I.M. team and even have a chance to play Eureka with us, you can join the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club discord server. It’s also just a great place to talk and discuss TTRPGs, so there is no schedule obligation, but the main purpose of it is to nominate, vote on, then read, discuss, and play different indie TTRPGs. We put playgroups together based on scheduling compatibility, so it’s all extremely flexible. This is a free discord server, separate from our patreon exclusive one. https://discord.gg/7jdP8FBPes

Other Stuff

We also have a ko-fi and merchandise if you just wanna give us more money for any reason.

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

[trrickytickle]

Therapy Dog

(great art by @//akkasute on Instagram)

Fandom: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish ☠️

A/N: I remember when I said I’d do some tickle art for this movie- I wanted to, couldn’t find the time, but I got an idea for a fic after seeing lots of pics of Perrito and Death’s friendship in the film! Speaking of 2022 blockbusters, I wanna do something with the new Avatar movie lol, so anyways- onto fic :D

Pairing: Perrito + Death, friendship, lee!Perrito, ler!Death

Death itself was the only force that could make fearless hero Puss in Boots’ whiskers fray, its eerie whistle howling whenever the red eyes met his. This force had a non-metaphorical or rhetorical, honest to goodness face, and while it wasn’t ugly, it was unsightly to behold. 

But right now, two beady eyes dared to look directly in the face of death, straight-up asking to be at the mercy of its claws. 

“...Que?” 

“Rub my belly! Come on! Pleaaase? Pretty-pretty please?”

Perrito, the tiny dog wormed his gut out of the sock-sweater he wore, staring beckoningly. Rolling around to give an extra-cute effect, the scar and gurgling noises coming from it weren’t helping at all. 

“I’ve asked Puss- and-and Kitty, but they all refused- and like, I said to them that it’s PRACTICE for being a therapy dog-” 

Death scoffed. “..La Muerte doesn’t need therapy.” 

“But isn’t death.. sad?” Perrito beckoned. 

“Do I look like I’m crying right now, perro?” 

“No, no, let me explain!” the dog got back on his hind legs, pacing around Death almost like he orbited him, “Don’t you see people’s families grieve...”

“All the time. Listen, nino, it means they’ve lived a good life-” 

“People being murdered..” 

“Now, now, perro..” 

“One day, you could just take one of us- Team Friendship-” -Perrito gestured, pawing at the air and jumping around- “when we haven’t lived to the fullest and just- SNATCH!- the life out of-” At that, Death interfered, using his paw to signal him to sit down. 

“Okay.” He growled. 

“Wh- what?” Perrito lit up. His pupils enlarged, tounge out- almost panting.

“Okay.” Death repeated. “I’ll rub your belly.” 

“I know! I just wanted to hear you say it again! I’m so EXCITED!” Perrito barked, flipping himself over as if to get ready. Death flinched. Did he have worms or something? Alright, let’s get this over with. he thought, reaching his claw over to prod at Perrito’s gut as lightly as possible. No panting. No leg-kicking. No nothing that would indicate a dog in a state of pure ecstacy. Not that he would know, of course. There were, instead, tittering and slight giggles. Not the usual. Death stilled its spindle-like fingers, afraid to take someone he didn’t intend to away. Instead, Perrito whined in impatience. 

“Keep going, keep going!” he beckoned. Death, resigned, did just that. In all his humiliation, he couldn’t admit he felt a warmth in his cold embrace. Speeding it up, he gently placed two more claws onto Perrito’s belly, scritch-scratching it in a circular motion. With that the giggling grew louder and louder, erupting into full-scale belly laughter. 

“Kk-HA-hahaha-HA! Dehehe- DEATH! DEATH! Thaha- that tickles! Hahaha-HA!” Now there was that leg kicking. The puppy writhed around, shaking as if spilling the mirth he had inside out all over the place. Death scowled in response, as per the usual. Despite saying nothing, he kept on going while Perrito was attempting to keep still to no avail. He kept rolling around and kicking his leg like he was scratching invisible fleas. 

“Keep still, perro.” Death broke his silence, leaving Perrito in that play-bow position he first laid in.The gentle scratches were practically about as effective as a sickle scar to the chest, and secretly he was relishing in it. Stifling a Cheshire cat grin, he moved his claws up and down, slyly yet slightly experimenting with different techniques. 

“Ha-hahahaha-haha- HA! Yehe- YEAH, Deahath! Let ahall those emohohotions out!” The encouragement made Death feel like Perrito was almost egging him on. But the concept itself shrugged that inferior concept off, going in straight for the kill out of pure cuteness-aggression. 

“Oh, yeah, I’ve got LOTS to work on.. And we’re just getting started, perro..” Death whispered in a strangely teasing and cooing tone, one he had never used in the past.

“Let’s sta-haha-hart with your- AHAHAHA-HAHA-AHAHANGER ISSUES!” With his long snout, he nuzzled Perrito’s stomach feverously, tickling him with the coldness of his nose and fluff of his muzzle. Even when he was close to the sharp teeth of death itself, Perrito laughed. He was laughing in the face of death, sparkling with life. 

“Yes..?” Death smirked, halting his attack. 

“Well- well, aha, you tend to let it all out on the people you take, and that includes Puss, and...” Perrito prattled, gesturing with his forelegs. 

“And...” Death continued. “I’ll huff- and I’ll puff- and I’ll blow the house down!” He blew a raspberry- the best one he could do with his pointed snout. 

“GK-HAHAHA-HAHA-HA!!” Perrito cackled, kicking both his hind legs frantically. Death halted, leaving the little dog a breather. “*pant* *pant* *pant* Ya know, Death, that was a workout! We should have another session sometime! Really work on telling me those feelings rather than whatever magic you were working over there with your nose- Hey, thanks for rubbing my belly, by the way! You look happier already!” he rambled at a breakneck pace, following Death’s trailing charcoal cloak. And he smiled. Smiled back. Not a “let’s never speak of this”, not a frown, not nothing. As a reverberating whistle whisked by, there was an echo of a sentence. 

“You’re gonna be one hell of a therapy dog.” 

[mystic-headcanons]

mystic characters + what taylor swift album i'd think they'd like

what's up gamers it's been like two or three years since i've touched this blog but i'm hyperfixated on mystic again and taylor swift, so. heeeeere we go. under the cut because this became a lot longer than i actually wanted it to T_T

i think zen's favorite album would be 1989. i literally don't have any reason other than style has the cuntiest opening out of any of her songs and i think zen would obsess over it for weeks. you could find him humming it in between rehearsals and throwing it on repeat while he works out. along with style, he'd love clean, this love, and bad blood the most.

yoosung's favorite album is fearless, hands down. he has a very fairytale-esque view on love, and songs like love story and today was a fairytale and untouchable fit that view. while they're not on any of his main playlists, they are on all of the playlists he's made for you. if he's missing you especially hard, then he likes to listen to those specific songs and just. lay there and think about you. he rly is just a teenage girl in a twenty-something year old body.

saeyoung's favorite album would absolutely be speak now. it's whimsical and fantastical and just a little melancholy and sad, and i think it fits his vibe perfectly. he'll put on innocent when he needs to be reminded that he can change, that he can be better than he has been; he'll play castles crumbling when he's in a particularly self-loathing mood. and enchanted gets played on a loop the first time he meets you-- it got so bad that vanderwood threatened to tase him unless he shut it off.

jumin's taste in music is sophisticated and, often times, just straight up classical music. he wouldn't have sought out her music on his own-- maybe he became interested because you listened to paris, or perhaps he heard anti-hero on the radio in one of the rare times that driver kim has the radio on. whatever the reason, it was enough to pique his interest in her. midnights would be his favorite album- and the only one he'd listen to in its entirety. you're on your own kid would be his go-to song, but midnight rain, would've could've should've, and dear reader are all tied for second.

jaehee would love folklore. she'd be a casual taylor fan- not really fond of the singles or the hits, but would enjoy her deeper cuts. folklore would be the first album where she loved every song. this is me trying would play on a loop if jaehee was stressed or had a particularly hard day. the lakes would be her all-time favorite song, but mad woman and cardigan would be close. invisible string is near and dear to her heart because every time she hears it, she can't help but think of you.

saeran's favorite album is reputation, but not for the obvious reasons. while he does enjoy it for its darker sound, reputation is his favorite because it's about finding love in the middle of all the darkness and anger. new year's day would be his absolute favorite song- and the one that he associates with you the most. the 'i'm there through it all, through the good and the bad, and i'll help clean up any metaphorical mess you make' message is what had set it aside from any other song, and saeran listens to it on repeat on all of his bad days. he also really enjoys ready for it, don't blame me, and dancing with our hands tied.

jihyun's favorite album is lover. while he'd really enjoy her other albums, lover spoke to him in ways that the others didn't. the archer and afterglow would be tied for all time favorite song- the archer because it speaks to his generalized anxiety, and afterglow because he especially has anxiety within romantic relationships- always had, but it became intense after rika. he craves a love that is soft and delicate, so daylight would absolutely be up there with the archer and afterglow. daylight gets played often once you and him start dating, and he can and will listen to it for hours while thinking of you or cuddling with you. (you've listened to it so much that you could probably play the entire thing by ear.)

[luxnebula]

It's funny how something can become a really big part of your life in a relatively short amount of time. I heard about the band Voyager in May, when I listened to their song Promise a few days before Eurovision semifinals. It was love at first listen and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. There's so many aspects of that song that really appeal to me, from the synths and the guitars (not to mention that it has a guitar solo AND a synth solo both!), the downright tenderness and sentimentality in the lyrics and the repeated phrase "promise me it's gonna be alright" really struck a chord with me. The phrase especially resonated with me the same way Måns Zelmerlöw's Heroes did, with the line "we're dancing with the demons in our minds".

After Eurovision ended (with Voyager placing ninth! (although they deserved at least top 3 in my opinion)), I went to listen to Voyager's previous discography. And let me tell you, I was mindblown. JRR Tolkien said that when he discovered the Finnish language, he felt like he had discovered a hidden wine cellar full of good wine. Before May, I didn't really understand that metaphor, but when I dove into Voyager's discography, I finally understood what he meant. With 20 years of Voyager to listen to, I had found my hidden wine cellar.

I started with Colours in the Sun, which was their latest album at the time (they've since released Fearless in Love in July 2023, but I'll get to it in a bit) and I was hooked from the first song. Colours opens the album with high energy, bright, fresh and breezy sound that blew me away. I'm really picky about what kind of heavy metal I listen to, but Voyager combines heavy metal guitars and growling with Daniel's clear vocals, bright synths and sweeping prog metal melodies that sweep you away in, hm, voyages, if you will. I have mild synesthesia, that mostly manifests in seeing music as shapes and colours, and Voyager's music makes me see more colours and more vivid colours than I've ever experienced before. I was in love and by June, I started calling Voyager my new favourite band.

It also helped that the band members seem to be incredibly funny, charming and chill. I also didn't get K-pop fans getting so invested in their bands, but with Voyager, I think I understand it a little. While I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a "stan" or a "simp" and while I keep reminding myself of parasocial relationships, I couldn't help but grow even fonder of Voyager because of their funny social media presence like playing kazoo while singing Käärijä's Cha Cha Cha, joking around in interviews and this bit in Eurovision:

They did that in front of all of Europe!

Usually when I listen to a band's discography, I start with their first album and work my way to the latest album chronologically. But with Voyager, I did it in reverse for reasons I still can't name. But I'm happy that I did, because that was the best way to get to know their sound, even if I lost the experience of hearing their sound evolve over the years. This got me listening to Colours in the Sun and Ghost Mile first, which are easily one of their best albums.

Ghost Mile is, in comparison to Colours in the Sun, much heavier and less synth-y, but it's still very atmospheric and bright. A lot of heavy metal has a tendency to be all doom and gloom and very dark, but Voyager breaks the mold with contrasting the guitars with shining synths and Daniel Estrin's clear vocals.

My browser is starting to lag because of how long this post is. Oops. I'll have to gush about Fearless in Love some another time lol!

[yandere-sins]

Hiii, it's my first time here !! I wonder if you could ask my question, if possible of course of Yandere Geralt of Rivia...

Imagine a scenario where the reader is from our world and went to Geralt's world, then the reader find him at him and tells his story and asks for help to return to his home... Of course, as time goes by, Geralt becomes "sick with love " for the reader to the point of becoming Yandere.

Note: the reader sees Geralt as best friend or older brother.

Thanks for your request ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««     

You were simply relieved you weren’t alone. 

There were a lot of terrible things that could happen to you, reaching from being mauled by a monster to cut down by a sword, and so, so many gruesome things more. Whatever Geralt saw in you, you were glad it didn’t make him leave you alone to your misery, no matter how strange you were.

Truthfully, you weren’t even a good choice as a squire, but aside from grumbling about your unhelpfulness when it came to battle, Geralt hadn’t driven you away. Despite being rough around the edges, he truly was the hero you needed in your predicament, and for that, you were thankful. 

Whatever you could do, you did, may it be fetching water or helping set up a tent. While the life of a traveling witcher was nothing you wished to pursue forever, you put up with everything you could so that you wouldn’t end up on your own again. The first week spent stumbling through the wild and running from monsters had been enough bad experience in this world for you. Now, your mind was only on one thing: Getting home.

It probably was a luxury to have Geralt’s help in not dying and achieving your goal, but all the more, you were relieved that whatever power made you fall into this strange world had enough mercy to send you this angel of a man. No matter how many dirty, uncomfortable looks you got for being with him whenever you two came into a town, you would endure them, knowing Geralt was the key to make this situation just a memory and send you back home to your family.

Home. It sounded heavenly. 

You sighed deeply, slowly awaking from your slumber. It couldn’t have been long that you fell asleep, the campfire still burning lively next to you. You still felt tired, but something was different than usual. Heavy even.

Pulling down the blanket you had wrapped yourself with, you saw the big arm laying around you, making you realized the heat of a second body in your back. Geralt never slept closer than necessary to you, but without the need to guess, he was definitely sleeping right beside you, spooning you from behind. 

With a flushing heat rising to your face, you were too embarrassed to say anything, even though his arm alone was too heavy to fall asleep with again. He might have accidentally fallen asleep next to you after having some drinks before bed and mistaken you for someone to cuddle up to. But waking him wasn’t an option. Geralt struggled with his sleep enough as it is; you wouldn’t dare to interrupt him and cause a scene. But the reality was very different from what you assumed. 

You heard him take a deep breath as he buried his face into the nape of your neck, not shy to pull away the fabric covering you and pushing his face into your skin. As you listened to him mutter your name, you felt a cold shudder run down your spine, but you tried not to make him notice you were awake. “[Name], [Name], [Name]...” he mumbled, and you bit your lip. The way he said your name always made it sound reproachful, despite you not remembering what you did wrong that day. 

“Look at you, letting your guard down. Don’t you know that I...”

His voice trailed off as you felt him shift suddenly. You reacted quickly, pretending to be fast asleep with your eyes closed and lips slightly parted innocently. Geralt let out a small chuckle before you felt him reach over you, dragging his thumb over your lip. “What are you dreaming about? Your heart is racing.”

Realizing you forgot the first thing about Witcher - their heightened senses - you didn’t know how to help yourself other than stirring a little in your sleep, putting on a frown. Sure enough, that made him halt in his tracks and back away a little, as if he feared you waking up. Only when you settled down again did Geralt relax as well, returning to his spooning position. 

“Seriously...” he kept muttering. “How am I supposed to go on like this? Every time we meet a Sorceress, I am afraid she will have a way to send you home.”

Something about his words gave you a sad impression. Almost as if parting would hurt him, but you weren’t sure if this was just your impression or if the tiny bit of his past that he told you about actually gave him this fear. In your eyes, Geralt was fearless and kept his composure no matter what, but what if you had misjudged him?

“I’d like to keep you all to myself. Lock you up and never let you go. Maybe when we get to Kaer Morhen, I could--”

This time, his voice halted suddenly, and he rose again from behind you. “Are you awake?” he asked, quiet still as if he was hoping you were asleep after all. You simply remained in your pretend sleep, taking an audible breather and hoping it would fool him. He remained in this careful stiffness for a while before he finally drew back. Immediately, you were surrounded by the chilly air of the night as his body disappeared, but before you dared to attempt to move around, you heard more of his mumbles.

“No, I can’t. I shouldn’t... It’s not right...”

What couldn’t he do?

You were ready to blame all the gibberish you had just heard on the mead you two had before bed, but the questions didn’t seem to stop circling your mind. Geralt seemed to fall asleep somewhere a bit further away, while you felt wide awake now. You couldn’t believe that Geralt - of all people! - could have developed any kind of feelings for you. But why else would he be worried about your return? Why would he say those things about locking you up?

Way too freaked out, you tried to make sense of what you had witnessed. Certainly, he didn’t want you to be awake as it went down, but now that you knew, you were left conflicted. Part of you kept getting goosebumps as you remembered the feeling of his face pressed into your shoulder and his words echoing in your ear. The other part tried to justify it with any and all reasons like the alcohol, loneliness maybe. There was no sleep for you after all, and Geralt kept stealing irritated glances at you the following day until he finally asked, “Are you okay?” 

You flinched after being suddenly addressed, not even your exhaustion able to tear you out of your thoughts that still pondered about the last night. “Oh, yeah! I’m fine,” you tried to assure him, and he contemplated your response for a bit before replying, “There’s this place we should go to next. Maybe we can find some books on portals there.”

“Sounds good,” you chuckled. Nervosity spread inside of you as you hoped he didn’t mean the place that he was talking about last night. 

“I grew up there. You might even be able to sleep in a bed for a change. Kaer Morhen is also safe and...”

After that part, your mind simply shut off as the word kept repeating over and over in your head. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen.

Kaer Morhen, lock up, never let go.

“...and it isn’t far from here,” he finished his explanation, looking at you as he waited for an answer while you could feel the horror showing in your expression. The red flags were so abundantly clear by now, but you absolutely refused to think this way about him. He wasn’t a bad man, he would never... or?

There were a lot of terrible things that could have happened to you on this journey, but you had put all your trust into Geralt to keep you safe. To help you. To be a companion so you wouldn’t be lonely. And until the end, you hoped Geralt wouldn’t turn out to be the monster or the sword you feared so much.

But who could tell what he’d do when he finally had a taste of living out the things he desired?

[bipercabeth]

“Something’s wrong, I can tell” for percabeth 💖🔪

(in which we ignore the fact that hoo exists)

Annabeth’s alarm clock blinks 5:00 PM on her bedside table, the bright red casting a glow over her dark dorm room. Her blinds are drawn back, but uselessly so. The sun hides behind rain clouds that drown the city in their gloom. And so the turn of spring is more limp than victory march, or maybe it just walks to a cadence Annabeth can’t hear. The moment her feet hit the floor this morning, it felt like she was stepping out of time. 

The darkness presses in heavily on Annabeth, like maybe it’s her fault the sun rose wrong today. The girl with a plan for everything can’t even rouse herself out of bed. Afternoon collapses into early evening, and the weight of the lost day pins Annabeth below her comforter. Alone in a twin bed, the way it way built to be. Even after nearly a decade of sleeping in a cabin with all her siblings, that’s all Annabeth has ever really been: alone, the way she was built to be. 

Sneakers scuff the carpeted hallway, stopping when they reach Annabeth’s door. A key scrapes the lock without a knock, which is how she knows it’s Percy on the other side. 

Light from the hallway follows him in, and both of them blink as their eyes adjust. Annabeth is blind for a moment, able only to focus on Percy’s silhouette. Even in the lowlight, she can see the way concern softens his brow and stiffens his hands. 

“Baby...” he says, a nickname that has become a common occurrence in their seven months of dating. This is the first time it has failed to warm Annabeth’s chest. “What’s wrong?” 

Annabeth tries—she really does—to sit up and wipe the tear tracks from her cheeks, but her nose is snotty and half her hair falls out of its scrunchie from being upright for the first time all day. Her voice cracks when she says, “M’fine.” 

Percy just crosses the room and turns on her desk lamp, giving the place a soft yellow glow. He looks like the sun sweeping away the shadows of a dim day. With gentle hands, he undoes Annabeth’s scrunchie and coaxes her curls into a bun that will hold in the wake of her wallowing. Annabeth leans her head back into his stomach to look at him upside down, at which point he holds her cheeks and breaks her with a gentle, “Something’s wrong, I can tell.” 

She just gapes at him uselessly, because isn’t the lack of words the very core of this pain? All the power of Athena’s wisdom, Daedalus’s laptop, and Annabeth’s own mind, and she cannot string together a sentence about Luke Castellan that rings true. 

He was a hero. Naive. 

He was a monster. Calloused. 

He loved me. 

Well, aside from that, which is the only thing she knows to be true. 

Percy senses the tectonic shift within Annabeth and holds her tight, laying her back on the mattress and tucking himself in behind her. His arms wrap around her like he can prevent the earthquake, but all that tension can only do one thing: snap. 

Luke loved her. It’s the one thing she knows. None of it makes sense if he never loved her. She has to make it make sense. 

Most days her brain buries the ache. Annabeth is a runner; she is good at lacing up her shoes and hitting the road, but her feet cannot carry her far enough. She is the house she’s running away from. Luke’s influence is a painful design that fuels self-hatred and frustration, but the bones were good. At its core, the house was built with love, the kind you want to share with family. Before her fearlessness and fire were her own, they were his. Luke was the first person to put a weapon in her hand, and Annabeth is nothing if not a warrior. He made her to be the exact thing she needed to be to survive him.

Seven months after his death, and sometimes a day goes by where Annabeth doesn’t think about it. Some days are too full of Percy’s sunshine smile for the sky to dream of dimming. Other days—ones she keeps to herself—the thought of Luke shines in the rose-tinted lens of nostalgia. And then there are days like today where she is rendered immobile by the mere memory of him.

Closure is a sick and twisted joke. Luke’s love for Annabeth saved his soul and the world, just the way she wanted. All the pain and suffering of the past four years was worth it. She was right to believe in him. So why does the burden still burn into her shoulders? 

Percy presses his lips to the back of Annabeth’s neck, drawing her back to the present. His arm rests underneath her neck and wraps around her shoulders while the other falls over and around her torso, linking their fingers over her heart. He’s grown considerably since the summer, a fact that bothers Annabeth until moments like this where the width of his shoulders eclipses her own. It almost fools her into thinking he can protect her from this. 

“Easy.” His voice is low, whispered into her neck. “You’re okay. Just breathe with me, alright? I’ve got you.” 

Each swell of Percy’s chest coaches Annabeth through her own. Inhale. Hold. Feel his hands squeeze each second. Exhale. Listen to him whisper affirmations like prayers into her skin. Repeat. 

It takes a while, but Annabeth’s heart slows.

Percy’s voice resonates again her back. “What happened?”

This, she thinks, is the hardest part. Annabeth doesn’t have an empathy link like Percy and Grover, nor does she have someone with shared experience to speak to. In her struggle with Luke, she is truly alone.

“It’s not fair,” she manages, breath hitching.

“What isn’t?”

“That he—“ A stray tear leaks onto her pillow. Percy’s lips linger on her shoulder, patient and steady and everything Luke couldn’t be. Annabeth sobs, a mortifying sound, and she’s glad Percy can’t see her face as she presses it into her cold pillowcase. The stain of fallen tears waits for her, inviting her back into old pain. “That he loved me. It’s not fair that he loved me.”

Though he tries to hide it, Percy’s body goes rigid. They have fought about this on Annabeth’s rose-tinted days or whenever someone brings up Luke’s legacy, be it as hero, pawn, or monster. Part of Percy will always be the twelve year old boy who was betrayed by Luke, and part of Annabeth will always be the seven year old girl who found a family with him.

“Love isn’t always enough,” Percy says, and she can hear the tension in his jaw. Bless him though, he tries for her. “It’s not your fault he couldn’t do a single damn thing about it.”

He pulls her into his chest and lays his head on her shoulder, keeping her from falling off the bed while her body shakes. She withers at the realization that she can’t offer him anything in return, not even a promise that she’ll take his words to heart.

Luke did something about it: he died. He became the hero Annabeth saw in him after years of struggling, and then he left her again.

But he kept his promise. 

Annabeth’s chest aches as it always does when she thinks about Luke, it just runs a bit deeper today. It was in his nature to cut to the bone. 

“I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.” She sounds every bit the small, bitter runaway. 

The cold of the pillow is replaced by Percy wiping away her tears and dabbing at her nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “What can I do? Tell me how to help.” 

“Just stay with me.” She leans into his palm, kisses his wrist. “Hold me a little longer.” 

“As long as you need,” Percy promises, dropping kisses along the line of her neck, her jaw, her cheek. “But I need you to look at me.” 

They untangle their limbs for Annabeth to flop onto Percy’s chest. His arms wrap back around her, this time firm around her waist while his free hand slides to her neck, his thumb under her jaw to hold her gaze. His eyes blaze with the fierce love she is still learning to accept, the one that burns to protect. 

“I love you so much,” he says, his voice aching as though it almost hurts. “And if I could take this away, I would. You don’t deserve it. I know we don’t... That he...” Percy frowns, then tightens his grip on her. “I know I don’t get it. I know. But I’m still here, you know? I don’t want you to be alone. Ever.” 

The gears in Annabeth’s brain take a moment process, and her response comes out in a breathless, “I love you.” The phrase is warm, as it always is, like the sun shining through the rain on her window. Loving Percy turns the light on in every room she enters. The rest of her words fall short, though they’re honest. “I don’t know what to say.” 

Percy’s thumb swipes across her cheek. “Me neither. We’ll figure it out together, yeah?” 

She throws herself into the crook of his neck, knocking the air from his lungs. He just softens and holds the back of her head while tracing circles on her hoodie—steady, sweet, supporting. He holds her tight and kisses her temple with the same tenderness she presses into his collarbone: a small attempt at reciprocity, but a meaningful one nonetheless. They’re trying, which is all they can do. 

[piet-ra]

Taylor Swift x Catradora Masterlist

So, this is a masterlist no one asked for but I'm doing anyway. It's basically every Taylor Swift song that think fits the dynamic perfectly or that I'm completely projecting a Catradora storyline into (it's canon universe, no AU). I’m basically SPOPfying TS’s discography. It can be just one line or the whole song. I will highlight the lyrics and it is sorted by album. I hope you enjoy it and if it helps my fanfic writers out there, all the best. (just an fyi, I’m listening to all of this through a very romantic filter, before anyone comes at me saying that “actually catra wanted more than Adora and their issues were deeper than just unrequited love and bla bla. I know. just let us enjoy this gay animated couple)

I might develop my reasoning more in some than in others, so if you want to know more about why I chose such song and all that, just send me asks, I love them! 

Let’s get on with the list now!

From “Taylor Swift”(Yee haw taylor at her finest)

Picture to burn

okay, so bear with me. Catra’s pov after Adora left her.

“there’s no time for tears/I’m just sitting here plotting my revenge”

“And if you’re missing me you’d better keep it to yourself/ cause coming back around here would be bad for your health”

“so watch me strike a match on all my wasted time/ as far as i’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn” -> I can just imagine catra scratching their doodles when i listen to this through a catradora lens.

Teardrops on my guitar

Teenage Catra’s pov pining over Adora.

“Drew looks at me/I fake a smile so he won’t see/That I want and I’m needing/ everything that we should be”

 “I laugh 'cause it is just so funny/ That I can't even see anyone when he's with me”

“[he’s] the only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart”

A Place in this World

Adora trying to deal with the new responsibilities and pressure She-ra brought her.

“I don’t know what I want/ so don’t ask me/ ‘cause I’m still trying to figure it out/ don’t know what’s down this road/ I'm just walking/Trying to see through the rain coming down”

“I’m alone, on my own/ and that’s all I know/ I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong/ oh but life goes on/ oh I’m just a girl/ trying to find a place in this world”

The outside

Catra’s pov(on her way to redemption)

“So, how can I ever try to be better?/ Nobody ever lets me in/ And I can still see you, this ain’t the best view/ On the outside looking in”

“You saw me there, but never knew/ That I would give it all up to be/ A part of this, a part of you/ And now it's all too late, so you see/ You could have helped if you had wanted to/ But no one notices until it's too late to do anything/ How could I ever try to be better?”

Tied Together With a Smile

Catra to Adora and her self sacrificial complex.

“hold on, baby, you’re losing it/ the water’s high/ you’re jumping into it/ And letting go and no one knows/ That you cry but you don’t tell anyone/ That you might not be the golden one/ and you’re tied together with a smile/ but you’re coming undone

Should’ve said no

Catra to Adora(season 1)

“you should’ve said no, you should’ve gone home/ you should’ve thought twice ‘fore you let it all go/You should've known that word like what you did with her/ Would get back to me/ and I should’ve been there, in the back of your mind/ I shouldn’t be asking myself why/You shouldn't be beggin' for forgiveness at my feet/ you should’ve said no, baby, and you might still have me”

“I can’t resist, before you go, tell me this/ was it worth it?”

I’m only me when I’m with you

just general catradora because this is effing cute

“I'm only up when you're not down/Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground/ It's like no matter what I do/ Well you drive me crazy half the time/ The other half I'm only tryna let you know that what I feel is true/ And I'm only me when I'm with you”

A Perfectly good heart

Catra’s pov(season 1)

“Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart now/ Why would you wanna make the very first scar/ Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart”

“Maybe I should've seen the signs/ Should've read the writing on the wall/ And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall/ No matter what you say, I still can't believe/ That you would walk away/ It don't make sense to me”

From “Fearless”(platinum edition)

Forever and always

ohhh the promises.... catra’s pov.

“And then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all/ And you flashback to when we said forever and always/ And it rains in your bedroom/ Everything is wrong/ It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone/ 'Cause I was there when you said forever and always/ You didn't mean it baby”

Come in with the rain

this one i think it fits both Adora and Catra singing the same thing to each other(while they were still stranged) and if you want the whole reasoning behind, ask haha cause otherwise this is going to be even bigger. 

“I've watched you so long, screamed your name/ I don't know what else I can say/ But I'll leave my window open/ 'Cause I'm too tired at night for all these games/ Just know I'm right here hoping/ That you'll come in with the rain/ I could go back to every laugh/ But I don't wanna go there anymore”

The other side of the door

this is pure catra. just pure catra. seasons 1- 4 Catra and what she did vs her real feelings. (very fitting for ”promises” too)

“In the heat of the fight I walked away/ Ignoring words that you were saying/ Trying to make me stay/ I said, "This time I've had enough"/ And you've called a hundred times/ But I'm not picking up/ 'Cause I'm so mad I might tell you that it's over/ But if you look a little closer/ I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you/ To stand outside my window throwing pebbles/ Screaming, "I'm in love with you"”

“Me and my stupid pride are sitting here alone/ Going through the photographs, staring at the phone”

“So babe if you know everything/ Tell me why you couldn't see/ When I left, I wanted you to chase after me”

“And I'll scream out the window/ I can't even look at you/ I don't need you but I do, I do, I do/ I say, "There's nothing you can say/ To make this right again, I mean it, I mean it”/ What I mean is/ I said, "Leave," but baby, all I want is you”

White Horse

okay, that’s just a joke. but I wanted to share the mental image my brain created. I just can’t stop imagining Catra on princess prom, looking longingly at Adora dancing with some nameless girl and singing “I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale/ I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet/ lead her up the stairwell” and then catching a glimpse of swifty “Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around”

i’m so sorry for this, but I’m actually not.

oh and the more serious interpretation is Catra refusing Adora and her fucking hero complex, saying it’s too late for her to try to go and fix things.

You belong with me

Just to mention this song fits every childhood friends to lovers ever. so that’s it.

Tell me why

Adora’s pov(season 3-4). I feel this is Adora getting more and more frustrated with Catra and especially after she “gave up” on catra after the portal.  and this connection made me sad.(and I’m not by any means calling Catra abusive with this, because I know how the song depicts a somewhat abusive relatioship and I’m not by saying Catradora is that(it isn’t, at all), but their relationship throughout the seasons is fucking messy.)

“I took a chance, I took a shot/ And you might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not/ You took a swing, I took it hard/ And down here from the ground I see who you are/ I'm sick and tired of your attitude/ I'm feeling like I don't know you”

“And I need you like a heartbeat/ But you know you got a mean streak.”

“And I know you see what you’re doing to me/ Tell me why”

and the one that hurts:

“I take a step back, let you go/ I told you I’m not bulletproof/ Now you know”

You’re Not Sorry

Adora’s pov, post portal

“All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around/ I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down/ And it's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out/ And you're thinking we'll be fine again, but not this time around”

“You don't have to call anymore/ I won't pick up the phone/ This is the last straw/ Don't wanna hurt anymore/ And you can tell me that you're sorry/ But I don't believe you baby like I did before/ You're not sorry”

Change

so everything here might be a lot of a stretch, but I can’t really control what my head comes up with. The song progresses and so does Catradora’s story in this. like, I feel the song starts when they are kids in the Horde and then teenagers promising each other they will rise in the ranks and rule the place and then after defeating Horde Prime and getting their new beginning.(And maybe both of them singing, but I feel Adora would fit better, dunno)

“And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you/Somebody else gets what you wanted again and/ You know it's all the same, another time and place/ Repeating history and you're getting sick of it/ But I believe in whatever you do/ And I'll do anything to see it through/ Because these things will change/ Can you feel it now?” -> Adora singing to catra imo, but you see it however you want to honestly.

“These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down/ This revolution, the time will come/ For us to finally win/ And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah” -> Here it’s the promise they made when they were younger, that they would be running the place together and even the “nothing rly bad can happen as long as we have each other” one.

“So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered/ It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair/ We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/ They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared” -> maybe their teenage years strengthening their resolution. 

“Tonight we stand, get off our knees/ Fight for what we've worked for all these years/ And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives/ But we'll stand up champions tonight/ It was the night things changed/ Can you see it now?” -> this could be so so so many things, but I chose to see as a time skip and it is the night they defeated horde prime just to make it interesting. (this whole thing was such a stretch, but I’m having fun with it, so fuck it i guess)

From “Speak Now”

 Sparks Fly

Adora’s pov

“The way you move is like a full on rainstorm/ And I'm a house of cards/ You're the kind of reckless/ That should send me running/ But I kinda know that I won't get far”

“Take away the pain/ 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile/ Get me with those green eyes, baby/ As the lights go down/ Gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around/ 'Cause I see, sparks fly, when you smile”

“My mind forgets to remind me, your a bad idea”

Back to December

Catra’s pov(call from Horde Prime’s ship and interactions on Darla)

“Your guard is up and I know why/ Because the last time you saw me/ Is still burned in the back of your mind”

“So this is me swallowing my pride/ Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night”

“It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you”

“These days, I haven't been sleeping/ Staying up, playing back myself leaving”

“I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't/ So if the chain is on your door, I understand”

Mean

That’s just Catra singing to Shadow Weaver, I’m sorry. the whole song fits here, so just my top picks.

“You, with your words like knives/ And swords and weapons that you use against me/ You have knocked me off my feet again/ Got me feeling like I'm nothing/ You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard/ Calling me out when I'm wounded/ You, picking on the weaker man”

“You, with your switching sides/ And your wildfire lies and your humiliation/ You have pointed out my flaws again/ As if I don't already see them”

“All you are is mean/ And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life/ And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean”

The story of us

both Adora and Catras(basically the whole song lol)

“I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us/ How we met, and the sparks flew instantly”

“I used to know my place was a spot next to you/ Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat/ 'Cause lately, I don't even know what page you're on”

“Oh, a simple complication/ Miscommunications lead to fallout/ So many things that I wish you knew/ So many walls up, I can't break through”

“Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room/ And we're not speaking/ And I'm dying to know/ Is it killing you like it's killing me?/ Yeah, I don't know what to say/ Since the twist of fate when it all broke down/ And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now”

“How I was losing my mind when I saw you here/ But you held your pride like you should've held me”

“Why are we pretending this is nothing?/ I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how/ I've never heard silence quite this loud”

“This is looking like a contest/ Of who can act like they care less/ But I liked it better when you were on my side”

“But I would lay my armor down/ If you say you'd rather love than fight”

(let’s ignore that the song actually ends in tragedy lol)

Haunted

Why did you leave, Adora, for fuck’s sake. Catra’s pov.

“Come on, come on, don't leave me like this/ I thought I had you figured out/ Something's gone terribly wrong/ You're all I wanted/ Come on, come on, don't leave me like this/ I thought I had you figured out/ Can't breathe whenever you're gone/ Can't turn back now, I'm haunted”

“Stood there and watched you walk away/ From everything we had”

oh and a sad bonus. Catra’s pov from when she was Chipped:

“He will try to take away my pain/ And he just might make me smile/ But the whole time, I'm wishing it was you instead/ Oh, holding my breath/ Won't see you again/ Something keeps me holding onto nothing”

Last Kiss

I’m realizing with this list that Taylor is a Catra Kinnie(and she condones murder now, so great!). Catra’s pov.

“I still remember the look on your face/ Lit through the darkness at 1:58/ The words that you whispered/ For just us to know/ You told me you loved me/ So why did you go away?/ Away”

“All that I know is I don't know/ How to be something you miss/ I never thought we'd have a last kiss/ Never imagined we'd end like this”

Long Live

The very fortunate aftermath of the Heart of Etheria and the defeat of Horde Prime. anyone can be the narrator in this, but for me is Catra and Adora, together(but some Catra solos)(I’m such an Adora kinnie, but fuck if this isn’t dominated by my fav catgirl)

“I said: Remember this moment/ In the back of my mind/ The time we stood with our shaking hands/.../ The night you danced like you knew our lives/ Would never be the same/ You held your head like a hero/ On a history book page/ It was the end of a decade/ But the start of an age”

“Long live the walls we crashed through/ All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you/ I was screaming, long live all the magic we made/ And bring on all the pretenders/ One day, we will be remembered”

“And the cynics were outraged/ Screaming, "This is absurd"/ 'Cause for a moment, a band of thieves/ In ripped up jeans got to rule the world” (fourth wall breaking, catra is actually singing this to her haters)

“I'm not afraid/ Long live all the mountains we moved/ I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you/ I was screaming, long live that look on your face”

“Will you take a moment?/ Promise me this/ That you'll stand by me forever”

Ours

just a cute song, go listen to it and insert literally anyone in it.

From “Red”

Treacherous

i feel like it fits the vibe of the dynamic, but I don’t feel like expanding on it lol

All Too Well(because ofc)

I honestly don’t know who narrates this one. either Catra or Adora fit well, but I’m more inclined to say Adora but idk why. it’s just the vibe I’m getting.

“And I know it's long gone and/ There was nothing else I could do/ And I forget about you long enough/ To forget why I needed to” -> in this one i was like, Adora for sure

“Maybe we got lost in translation/ Maybe I asked for too much/ But maybe this thing was a masterpiece/ 'Til you tore it all up/ Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well” -> But then this one came and I was like, well, depending on the pov, it fits both.

“And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/ So casually cruel in the name of being honest”(best lyrics c���mon) -> and the whole break me like a promise thingy made me think Catra’s pov, but then I guess you could also put it in Adora’s pov if you wanted to, so up to y’all.

I Almost Do

C’mon, Catra once again.

“And I just want to tell you/ It takes everything in me not to call you/ And I wish I could run to you/ And I hope you know that/ Every time I don’t/ I almost do, I almost do”

“I bet you think I either moved on or hate you/ ‘Cause each time you reach out, there’s no reply/ I bet it never, ever occurred to you/ That I can’t say hello to you/ And risk another goodbye”(kill me now, there’s still a lot of heartbreak for me to go through)

The Last Time

Catra’s pov, before she leaves Adora and has the little breakdown with Melog.

“This is the last time I'm asking you this/ Put my name at the top of your list/ This is the last time I'm asking you why/ You break my heart in the blink of an eye”

“Just like all those times before/ You wear your best apology/ But I was there to watch you leave/ And all the times I let you in/ Just for you to go again”

Everything has changed

baby Catra and baby Adora meeting and immediately clicking.(Tay is Adora and Ed is Catra for me, but as always, you do you.)

“I just wanna know you better/ Know you better, know you better now”

“'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello"/ And your eyes look like coming home/ All I know is a simple name/ Everything has changed/ All I know is you held the door/ You'll be mine and I'll be yours/ All I know since yesterday/ Is everything has changed”

“ And all my walls stood tall, painted blue/ And I'll take 'em down, take 'em down/ And open up the door for you”

Come back… be here

it talks about leaving and all, and the obvious choice is Catra, but Imma put it down as an Adora pov.  for as much as I talk about Adora leaving Catra, Catra also left Adora. justified or not, their reasons, their motives or wtv is not what i’m here to talk about. I’m just stating that Adora asked catra to stay many times and catra didn’t. So the feelings of abandonment also fit Adora very well depending on the way it is weaved. Some are rly just plain Catra, tho. back to the song.

“And this is when the feeling sinks in/ I don't wanna miss you like this/ Come back, be here, come back, be here”

“And now that I can put this down/ If I had known what I know now/ I never would've played so nonchalant”

“This is falling in love in the cruelest way/ This is falling for you when you are worlds away”

“But you're in London, and I break down/ 'Cause it's not fair that you're not around”

From “1989”

Style

general catradora

“And when we go crashing down, we come back every time/ 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style”

Out of the woods

general catradora

“We were built to fall apart/ Then fall back together”

All you had to do was stay 

Catra’s pov. the line “picking up the pieces of the mess you made” just hits me where it stings, because I remember Catra trying to cover for Adora and then Adora not coming back and then having to deal with the wrath of Shadow weaver alone.

“Now, you say you want it back/ Now that it's just too late/ Well, could've been easy/ All you had to do was (Stay!)”

“Here you are now, calling me up/ But I don't know what to say/ I've been picking up the pieces/ Of the mess you made”

“Let me remind you/ This was what you wanted/ You ended it/ You were all I wanted “

I wish you would

Catra’s pov.

“Windows down, you pass my street, the memories start/ You say it's in the past, you drive straight ahead/ You're thinking that I hate you now/ 'Cause you still don't know what I never said/ I wish you would come back/ Wish I never hung up the phone like I did, I/ Wish you knew that/ I'd never forget you as long as I live, and I/ Wish you were right here, right now,/.../ I wish you would”

“We're a crooked love in a straight line down/ Makes you want to run and hide/ But it makes you turn right back around”

“You always knew how to push my buttons/ You give me everything and nothing”

Bad Blood(original version, not the remix)

Originally I thought, “oh this is Adora” but then I decided it was both of them together.

“’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood/ You know it used to be mad love/ So take a look what you've done/ ’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!/ Now we've got problems/ And I don't think we can solve 'em/ You made a really deep cut/ And baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!”

“Did you have to do this?/ I was thinking that you could be trusted/ Did you have to ruin what was shiny?/ Now it's all rusted/ Did you have to hit me where I'm weak?/ Baby, I couldn't breathe/ And rub it in so deep/ Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me”

“Did you think we'd be fine?/ Still got scars in my back from your knives”(i really thought Adora here just cause of the literal scars in her back)

Wildest Dreams

if you want to headcanon a pre she-ra Catradora relationship, this song is really good. Since I’m trying( and def failing in many instances) to be as canon compliant as I can, I’ll skip it.

This Love

Catradora in the heart of etheria. could be both povs: either Catra holding Adora’s dying body and like “this love came back to me” or Adora prepared to die, dreaming about Catra, letting her love go, but in the end came back to her. for me, this is Adora’s, the whole song feels like her to me

“Currents swept you out again/ And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone” -> she’s fading, she’s being fully consumed now and the currents swept catra out from her. 

“In silent screams and wildest dreams/ I never dreamed of this” -> she never allowed herself to dream that Catra would love her or that she wanted a future with Catra, but now she’s being faced with the loss of exactly that.

“This love is good, this love is bad/ This love is alive back from the dead/ These hands had to let it go free, and/ This love came back to me” -> their love is a very complicated thing, is not easy. they have a history of being enemies that tarnish it a bit and when it was too bad, they had to let it go. but the love came back to them in full force. alive back from the dead, literally and figuratively.

“Lantern, burning/ Flickered in my mind, only you/ But you were still gone, gone, gone”

“Been losing grip, on sinking ships/ You showed up just in time” -> adora dying, being saved in the most dramatic way possible.

“This love left a permanent mark/ This love is glowing in the dark” -> just the imagery, wow. and the antithesis of the mark of  scars left by love and now the mark of it is the glowing.

“Your kiss, my cheek/ I watched you leave/ Your smile, my ghost/ I fell to my knees/ When you're young, you just run/ But you come back to what you need” -> finally reunited yay

I know places

Catradora in the Horde being super cute and hiding everywhere, just because.

“Something happens when everybody finds out/ See the vultures circling, dark clouds/ Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out/ It could burn out”

“'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns/ They are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run”

“Baby, I know places we won't be found/ And they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down/ 'Cause I, I know places we can hide/ They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run”

“Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it, my love”

From “Reputation” (Not expecting much from this one)

 Delicate

Catradora being all cute and insecure after the end of the war and learning how to navigate their relationship, the old and the new. Catra’s pov, probably.

“This ain't for the best/ My reputation's never been worse, so/ You must like me for me/ We can't make/ Any promises now, can we, babe?/ Is it cool that I said all that?/ Is it chill that you're in my head?/ 'Cause I know that it's delicate (Delicate)/ Is it cool that I said all that?/ Is it too soon to do this yet?”

Gorgeous

so, i think this song is extremely cute and would fit very well in many various au’s, even some of mine, so I’m just leaving it out here, check it out if you haven’t, but won’t expand on it. 

Dress(I was pleasantly surprised bout this one)

Catra’s pov.

“All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation/ My hands are shaking from holding back from you/ All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting/ My hands are shaking from all this”

“Say my name and everything just stops/ I don't want you like a best friend/ Only bought this dress so you could take it off/ Take it/ Carve your name into my bedpost/ ’Cause I don't want you like a best friend/ Only bought this dress so you could take it off/ Even in my worst times, you could see the best in me/ Flashback to my mistakes/ My rebounds, my earthquakes/ Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me/ And I woke up just in time/ Now I wake up by your side”

 New Year’s Day

Another super sweet song that doesn’t exactly fit in the canon compliant list, but that I definitely use in my future Catradora headcanon, so I’ll just put in a few lyrics. 

“There's glitter on the floor after the party/.../You and me from the night before, but/ Don’t read the last page/ But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you’re turning away/ I want your midnights/ But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day”

“But I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we're making mistakes”

“You and me forevermore”

From “Lover”(this album is so sweet fuuuuck)

 Lover

the whole song. just, future catradora. Adora’s pov tho because this is such a dorkish in love song and that bit about “You’ll save all of your dirtiest jokes for me”, Adora saying this to Catra. that’s it

 Paper Rings

future again. this whole album might be just me fantasizing about their future, who knows.

“Cat and mouse for a month or two or three/ Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe/ Darling, you're the one I want, and/ I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this/ Uh huh, that's right/ Darling, you're the one I want/ In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams/ Oh, you're the one I want”

 Death By A Thousand Cuts

I forgot this song and I’m adding it now at the last minute. extremely tired. not gonna paste the song here. but go listen, it’s really fitting for catradora.

“saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts”

Afterglow

this is one I didn’t want to put in here, just because of a few lines specifically, but it made me think of Catra’s apology, so here it goes. (the parts “it’s all in my head” and “It’s all me” that bug me so, but we’ll pretend they don’t exist)

“I pinned your hands behind your back, oh/ Thought I had reason to attack, but no”

“Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves/ Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us/ Why'd I have to break what I love so much?/ Sorry that I hurt you/ I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you “

From “Folklore”

OKay, so now that we got here, we’re gonna get a bit creative and take everything with a grain of salt(more than we’ve already been doing) cause I doubt we’re gonna manage to be canon compliant in every one(this includes evermore too, I’m about to go off in these two albums), but everything just oozes catradora, so bear with me. and if you made it this far, damn you’re hot.

The 1

Adora’s pov. before they actually got together.  

“I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit/ Been saying "yes" instead of "no" -> her new life in Brightmoon and all her new good experiences.

“And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow” -> such an Adora thing to say.

“But we were something, don't you think so?/ Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool/ And if my wishes came true/ It would've been you/ In my defense, I have none/ For never leaving well enough alone/ But it would've been fun/ If you would've been the one” -> the longing, the yearning

“And it's another day waking up alone“ -> :( 

“I persist and resist the temptation to ask you/ If one thing had been different/ Would everything be different today?”

Cardigan

Catra’s pov. 

“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan/ Under someone's bed/ You put me on and said I was your favorite”

“A friend to all is a friend to none/ Chase two girls, lose the one/ You drew stars around my scars/ But now I'm bleedin'”

“But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss/ I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs/ The smell of smoke would hang around this long/ 'Cause I knew everything when I was young/ I knew I'd curse you for the longest time/ Chasin' shadows in the grocery line/ I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired/ And you'd be standin' in my front porch light/ And I knew you'd come back to me”

Exile

now rlyyy bear with me. It gets confusing. And big. It's the whole song too.

Bon iver's verse + Swift's chorus is Catra seeing adora move on so quickly and leaving Adora behind. 

Swift's verse + Bon Iver's chorus is Adora's pov. And then they merge in the bridge to air their grievances. I'll demonstrate below.

“I can see you standing, honey/ With his arms around your body/ Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all/ And it took you five whole minutes/ To pack us up and leave me with it/ Holdin' all this love out here in the hall”  +  “I think I've seen this film before/ And I didn't like the ending/ I'm not your problem anymore/ So who am I offending now?/ You were my crown, now I'm in exile, seein' you out/ I think I've seen this film before/ So I'm leaving out the side door = Catra’s pov

“I can see you starin', honey/ Like he's just your understudy/ Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me/ Second, third, and hundredth chances/ Balancin' on breaking branches/ Those eyes add insult to injury”  +  “I think I've seen this film before/ And I didn't like the ending/ You're not my homeland anymore/ So what am I defending now?/ You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out/ I think I've seen this film before = Adora’s pov

and then the bridge with both.(it’s one hell of a giant bridge, not gonna paste it here lol)

My tears ricochet

This one i see as a conversation, one that I'll again exemplify lol.

“And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too/ Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe/ All the hell you gave me?/ 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you/ 'Til my dying day” -> both of them 

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/ And you're the hero flying around, saving face” ->Catra

“And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?/ Cursing my name, wishing I stayed” -> Adora

“Look at how my tears ricochet” -> both

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/ 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave” -> Adora

“And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?/ Cursing my name, wishing I stayed” -> Catra

“Look at how my tears ricochet” -> both

“And I can go anywhere I want/ Anywhere I want, just not home/ And you can aim for my heart, go for blood/ But you would still miss me in your bones/ And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky)/ And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)” -> both

“You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same/ Cursing my name, wishing I stayed” -> both

“You turned into your worst fears/ And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain” - > Adora

“Crossing out the good years” ->both.

I could honestly make a whole post about this song and Catradora, dissecting lyric by lyric, I even have an animatic for this song thumbnailed, so I’ll jump to the next one before it gets too out of hand. again y’all can ask me anytime if you want to know more.

Mirrorball

Adora and her self sacrificial bs and not being rly her so she can be what everyone expects *from* her. Make me cry more, why don’t you!

“I'm a mirrorball/ I'll show you every version of yourself tonight/ I'll get you out on the floor/ Shimmering beautiful/ And when I break, it's in a million pieces”

“Hush, when no one is around, my dear/ You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes/ Spinning in my highest heels, love/ Shining just for you”

“Hush, I know they said the end is near/ I can change everything about me to fit in/ I'm still on that tightrope/ I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me/ And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why/ I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try/ I'm still on that trapeze/ I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me”

Seven

Baby Adora to baby Catra. 

“And I've been meaning to tell you/ I think your house is haunted/ Your dad is always mad and that must be why/ And I think you should come live with me/ And we can be pirates/ Then you won't have to cry/ Or hide in the closet/ And just like a folk song/ Our love will be passed on”

August

older teen/adult Catra reminiscing about younger teen Catra dealing with her love for Adora. Probably the last August before Adora joined the rebellion. (ignoring the love triangle ofc)

“But I can see us lost in the memory/ August slipped away into a moment in time/ 'Cause it was never mine/ And I can see us twisted in bedsheets/ August sipped away like a bottle of wine/ 'Cause you were never mine”

“I remember thinkin' I had you/ Back when we were still changin' for the better/ Wanting was enough/ For me, it was enough/ To live for the hope of it all/ Cancel plans just in case you'd call/ And say, "Meet me behind the mall"/ So much for summer love and saying "us"/ 'Cause you weren't mine to lose”

This is me trying

Catra's pov/redemption

“I've been having a hard time adjusting/ I didn't know if you'd care if I came back/ I have a lot of regrets about that/ Pulled the car off the road to the lookout/ Could've followed my fears all the way down/ And maybe I don't quite know what to say/ But I'm here in your doorway/ I just wanted you to know that this is me trying/ And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound/ It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you/ You're a flashback in a film reel”

Illicit affairs

Just leaving it out here cause it is so gayyy. And I'll prob write an au for this once I'm through with my five thousand WIPs.

Invisible string

Just the feeling of the song, not exactly catradora specific. More generic.

“Time, curious time/ Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs/ Were there clues I didn't see?/ And isn't it just so pretty to think/ All along there was some/ Invisible string/ Tying you to me?/  Time, mystical time/ Cutting me open, then healing me fine”

Mad woman

Catra's pov S1

“Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy/ What about that?/ And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry/ And there's nothing like a mad woman/ What a shame she went mad/ No one likes a mad woman/ You made her like that/ And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out”

Epiphany 

Adora dying in catra's arms and dreaming about her future with catra. 

“"Sir, I think he's bleeding out"/ And some things you just can't speak about/ With you I serve, with you I fall down, down/ Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out, out/ Only twenty minutes to sleep/ But you dream of some epiphany/ Just one single glimpse of relief/ To make some sense of what you've seen”

Betty

Another case of a song with STRONG catradora vibe, but too au- ish. The imagery of the song is too clear. Still, these parts here… 

“The worst thing that I ever did/ Was what I did to you/ I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything/ But I know I miss you/ Yeah, I showed up at your party/ Will you have me? Will you love me?/ Will you kiss me on the porch/ In front of all your stupid friends”

Peace

adora's pov. I think is Adora kinda warning Catra that she can’t promise to stop saving the world, she can’t stop being she-ra, it is who she is and danger is going to follow her, so, is it enough if she can never give Catra peace?

“I never had the courage of my convictions/ As long as danger is near/ And it's just around the corner, darlin'/ 'Cause it lives in me/ No, I could never give you peace”

“All these people think love's for show/ But I would die for you in secret”

“The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me/ Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?”

From "evermore"(FUCKING FINALLY and everything is going to be au-ish I guess)

Champagne problems

Adora's pov, but i resent this cause THEIR PROBLEMS ARE NOT CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS OKAY? but nevertheless, It’s adora leaving Catra behind and breaking my heart in the fucking process.

“You booked the night train for a reason/ So you could sit there in this hurt”

“Because I dropped your hand while dancing/ Left you out there standing/ Crestfallen on the landing/.../ Your heart was glass, I dropped it”

“You had a speech, you're speechless/ Love slipped beyond your reaches/ And I couldn't give a reason”

How evergreen, our group of friends/ Don't think we'll say that word again/.../ I never was ready so I watch you go/ Sometimes you just don't know the answer/ 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you”

Gold rush

Catra's pov pining over Adora before and after she became She-ra, but especially after with the bit “I don’t like that everyone would die to feel your touch”. After all the pining and imagining what a perfect relationship they could have she wakes up to reality and sees that “it could never be”, “It will never be”. 

“Gleaming, twinkling/ Eyes like sinking ships on waters/ So inviting, I almost jump in”

“I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush/ I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch/ Everybody wants you/ Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you”

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/ With your hair falling into place like dominoes”

“At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit/ And the coastal town we wandered 'round had nеver seen a love as pure as it” 

“My mind turns your life into folklore/ I can't dare to dream about you anymore”

“'Cause it will never be”

‘Tis the damn season

Adora’s pov. Adora being the one who left because she has to, but she misses Catra and their old times together. However, she knows she won’t be able to stay so she’s asking for this weekend and breaking her own heart in the process.

“There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me/ But if it's all the same to you/ It's the same to me”

“So we could call it even/ You could call me "babe" for the weekend/ ​'Tis the damn season, write this down/ And the road not taken looks real good now/ And it always leads to you and my hometown”

“You can run, but only so far/ I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave/ But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me/ Sleep in half the day just for old times' sake/ I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay/ So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends/ And wonder about the only soul/ Who can tell which smiles I'm fakin'”

“And the heart I know I'm breakin' is my own/ To leave the warmest bed I've ever known/ We could call it even/ Even though I'm leaving/ And I'll be yours for the weekend”

Tolerate it

Catra’s pov and how she thinks Adora feels towards her. How she only tolerated Catra until something bigger, better and shinier came along and she abandoned her.(what to expect from a track five, huh?)

“While you were out building other worlds, where was I?/ Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?/ I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life/ Drawing hearts in the byline/ Always taking up too much space or time”

“You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I/ Break free and leave us in ruins/ Took this dagger in me and removed it/ Gain the weight of you then lose it/ Believe me, I could do it”

“If it's all in my head tell me now/ Tell me I've got it wrong somehow/ I know my love should be celebrated/ But you tolerate it”

Happiness

adora’s pov. I feel this is Adora letting Catra go after season 3. just, she loves Catra and there were many great moments because of her, but that doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t there now. also doesn’t mean she’ll be forever miserable, proved by her new life in Brightmoon. It’s her realizing that Catra is actually hurting her, and being angry and then letting go.(god this reminds me of a fanfic where catra stated that she was happy without Adora, could be happy without Adora. But with her, she could be happier)

“There'll be happiness after you/ But there was happiness because of you/ Both of these things can be true/ Past the blood and bruise/ Past the curses and cries/ Beyond the terror in the nightfall/ Haunted by the look in my eyes/ That would've loved you for a lifetime/ Leave it all behind/ And there is happiness”

“Tell me, when did your winning smile/ Begin to look like a smirk?/ When did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ Pointed at my deepest hurt?”

“I can't make it go away by making you a villain/ I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven/ And I pulled your body into mine/ Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties/ No one teaches you what to do/ When a good man hurts you/ And you know you hurt him, too” -> this whole bridge, man. THIS RIGHT HERE. They both hurt each other, there’s no simple clean cut way to look at things, to make Catra the big bad villain. but that also doesn’t erase the pain felt, so argh, this kills me.

“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness/ You haven't met the new me yet/ And I think she'll give you that” -> and this little hint of hope.

Dorothea(i swear, i will write a Dorothea/tis the damn season au)

Adora is dorothea and this is Catra’s pov

“Hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me?/ When we were younger down in the park/ Honey, making a lark of the misery”

“You got shiny friends since you left town/ A tiny screen's the only place I see you now”

“It's never too late to come back to my side/ The stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo/ And if you're ever tired of bеing known for who you know/ You know that you'll always know me, Dorothea (Uh-uh)/Dorothea”

coney island

again, both povs. one to each other, illustrated below.

“Did I close my fist around something delicate?/ Did I shatter you?/ And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island/ Wondering where did my baby go?/ The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go/ Sorry for not making you my centerfold” -> adora

“Over and over/ Lost again with no surprises/ Disappointments, close your eyes/ And it gets colder and colder/ When the sun goes down” -> both

“The question pounds my head/ What's a lifetime of achievement/ If I pushed you to the edge?” -> catra

“Were you waiting at our old spot/ In the tree line/ By the gold clock/ Did I leave you hanging every single day?” -> adora

“Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey?” -> Catra

“And when I got into the accident/ The sight that flashed before me was your face” -> Adora

“Sorry for not making you my centerfold” -both

Ivy (hold on tight, this is big)

this is a good one.

“How's one to know?/ I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones/ In a faith forgotten land/ In from the snow/ Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow/ Tarnished but so grand”

“And the old widow goes to the stone every day/ But I don't, I just sit here and wait/ Grieving for the living”

“Oh, goddamn/ My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ Taking mine, but it's been promised to another/ Oh, I can't/ Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ My house of stone, your ivy grows/ And now I'm covered in you so” ->  for me, this is Adora in the moments preceding the failsafe and the Heart of Etheria, and the person she’s committed to is She-ra(and dying as she-ra). And she’s trying to fight and be strong to make the sacrifice she knows she’ll be asked to, but she simply can’t stop Catra from “putting roots in her dreamland”. Catra’s touch enlightened her, even though tarnished by their years of being enemies, it felt grand and it could chase the pain away; just for a moment, all her pain fit in Catra’s hand. But, she grieves for this touch for she knows it’s only a dream. Even though she’s now “covered” in Catra, she’ll never be able to fully have her, not when she’s so committed to She-ra.

“I wish to know/ The fatal flaw that makes you long to be/ Magnificently cursed/ He's in the room/ Your opal eyes are all I wish to see/ He wants what's only yours” -> now here she’s in the heart of etheria and wondering why would Catra want her so much when she knows she can’t have her, when she knows she’s doomed. the He in this is Horde Prime. As we see in the “future hallucination”, all she wants is Catra and he wants(to destroy ofc) what’s Catra’s only - herself.

“How's one to know?/ I'd live and die for moments that we stole/On begged and borrowed time/ So tell me to run/ Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become -> Adora know it’s only borrowed time, it will end and she feels like there’s nothing she can do about that.

“So yeah, it's a fire/ It's a goddamn blaze in the dark/ And you started it/ You started it/ So yeah, it's a war/ It's the goddamn fight of my life/ And you started it/ You started it” -> here Adora is finally fighting back against Destiny, Prime, The Heart… and it’s all because Catra started it just by loving Adora, covering her in her ivy and making Adora so unable to not love her back.

(can you tell this is one of my favorite songs in the album?)

long story short

honestly, post-war catradora. Adora’s pov.

“Fatefully/ I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me/ Misery/ Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep/ And you passed right by/ I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides/ The knife cuts both ways/ If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break”

“When I dropped my sword/ I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door/ And we live in peace/ But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready/ No more keepin' score/ Now I just keep you warm (Keep you warm)/ No more tug of war Now I just know there's more”

“And I fell from the pedestal/ Right down the rabbit hole/ Long story short, it was a bad time/ Pushed from the precipice/ Climbed right back up the cliff/ Long story short, I survived”

closure

catra to adora pre season 5

“it's been a long time/ And seeing the shape of your name/ Still spells out pain/ It wasn't right/ The way it all went down/ Looks like you know that now”

“Yes, I got your letter/ Yes, I'm doing better/ It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone/ I know that it's over, I don't need your/ Closure, your closure”

“Don't treat me like/ Some situation that needs to be handled/ I'm fine with my spite/ I know I'm just a wrinkle in your new life/ Staying friends would iron it out so nice/ Guilty, guilty, reaching out across the sea/ That you put between you and me/ But it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary”

Evermore

just the message in general i think fits season 5 catradora very well. how, yeah, the pain sucks and it’s terrible but it won’t be for evermore. Justin’s bridge exemplify very well just the desperation of being in the middle of this whirlwind of pain, begging for a pause just to see if there’s any way to be recovered from that. it just so happens, there is. 

no exemples in this one, the vibe of speaks for itself and I’m rly tired right now.

...

oof, so there was it. Hope you liked it! show me some love cause this took a while lol(but a got my TS marathon done without feeling guilty, because at least… content? so there’s that). if you made it this far, THANK YOU!! stream evermore and good night y’all(or morning or afternoon, wtv works for your timezone lol) 

[iamdorka]

The making of the new album

I wanted to post this hours ago but the wifi at the train station decided to be a bitch so I try to post it now. If it gets posted two times please love this one more, okay? 🙈

So as the release of his new album is closer and closer I decided to write something about it. Hope you will like it.

The making of the new album (headcanon)

- He was really excited about this one, because after opening about the demons in his head in Hotel Diablo on this one he really could show his true passion, every piece of it, without any restriction. He just kept pushing himself towards his truest self and you had to admire that, because his work was his life. Also he worked with some of the finest artist (including literally your heroes from your childhood and that got you even more excited if it was even possible).

- He loved when you were around in the studio even if you had nothing to do with music, your presence calmed him down even in his darkest moments. He needed that firm point in his life, he needed you.

- And you loved being there with him because even if listening to music, pretending you are sometimes Beyonce or other time the fearless frontgirl of a rockband like Hayley Williams was your only way engaging with music, seeing him creating his vision with his mates gave you a whole new understanding of literally everything. He was able to show you new things even after 2 years being in a relationship with him and you loved him for it, lived for it.

- You saw him at his lowest but also the highest point while creating this masterpiece and you were with him all along. You supported him and it meant the world to him, you knew it. He showed you that with words, with cute little actions.

- Yeah, you have to admit that sometimes it was a bit too much and it was hard for you to accept everything not that you should’ve accept everything. Even if you knew that he was working on a precious piece of his soul you weren’t blind. You saw that he was suffering inside. He needed to do this but the ache in your heart still was there it was really frightening sometimes.

- This creative process was a roller coaster for everybody. For him and for you too.

- He was overworking himself and sometimes he didn’t even notice it, which hurt you even more because half of your soul was him and seeing him like that was terrible. After creating and living in Hotel Diablo you knew it would come to this but really living it was different.

- You spent a lot of time alone too because he was on his feet 24/7 and slowing down never was an option for him. Yeah you knew that he was in love with music (beside you) but it still hurt like hell when you just couldn’t find him next to you when you needed him, when you were expecting him to be there.

- Even if you were with him in the last 2 years you still couldn't humanly imagine how he could manage being up and awake ALL THE TIME. Oh yeah... you knew how he could do that but you preferred not to think about it. He knew that his health wasn't at its peak and that you were mad at him because of it. He didn't accept worries from nobody... but you were different. Cliche or not.

- Sometimes but nowadays most of the time you just wanted to slap his beautiful face to beat some sense into him even if you knew it was a mission impossible. But not just he was who needed his other half... you needed him too and didn't want to lose him, not in a million years.

- The day when he finally showed the finished album to his label he wanted you to be there with him but your boss thought otherwise because he sent you to San Francisco the day before for a 2 day job. Your heart ache because you really wanted to be there with him and even if he didn't admit it he was a little but disappointed too.

- So you did everything humanly possible to get the work done in the shortest imaginable time, that's how you ended up on a train at 4am without getting any sleep just to get back in time to Los Angeles to be with him. He didn't know anything about it.

- You didn't even get home, you just cought an uber and with your suitcase and everything you were headed to Interscope.

- The only person who knew about your surprise appearance was Slim and he knew if he told anything to Colson you would gladly kill him with your bare hands without even thinking or blinking.

- You never got out of a car this fast because you got there exactly 5 minutes before them. (It was 10am and having Colson up at this time was a miracle to begin with but you did your own miracle too to be there on time.)

- 'I thought I will have to show them myself the album. You are late' when he entered the floor where the conference room was, you waited him there casually sitting on the couch not showing that it was hard even to breathe for you because you had to be that fast and you just fell to the couch a minute before. You tried to play it cool so you did.

- Not even saying a word as you stood up he brought you in his arms and hugged you like he hadn't seen you in ages. He had his girl with him.

- 'Am I dreaming?' he kissed your cheek as he let himself see your smiling face. For a brief moment he forgot why he was in that building.

- 'I know I'm your dream girl... but no, you are not.' you answered him smiling, biting your lip as you laced your fingers together not engaging in any pda because first: you two hated that, second: you had company and he had work to do, important work. 'But maybe I'm... because I haven't slept in the last 48 hours and I'm running on like 4 coffees' you murmured and when Slim gave you your new coffee you corrected yourself taking a sip from it. 'five and counting... '

- 'Good luck. I'M PROUD OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU' you told this to his lips as you sat down on the couch and he took his seat at the end of the big conference table. Everyone was ready, more than ready.

- He was living his best life and your heart was full of love watching him because he was enjoying every moment of this. He could not stop moving, you could see that he was already feeling himself at the live shows and he proved that too because he even got on the table dancing, rocking his soul to his new goodies.

- It really got your heart beat faster and even if you realised that some of the people didn't really appreciate your boyfriend that much, you couldn't care less because you could see how proud he was of his work. Sweat and blood. It was his, the best one yet.

- You even recorded him dancing on the table because it was the funniest shit ever and you knew his fans would appreciate it later. And you loved feeding them with quality content.

- When the presentation was over he could not hold himself back because when you stood up, wanting to congratulate him again (after all the other people) he picked you up and he was spinning with you not letting you to touch the ground. He was in an euphoric state and he didn't hide him.

- 'You are my world. Thanks for being here' he murmured to your neck and finally he put you down.

- 'I really am proud of you' you repeated yourself and you were glad Slim got closer to you as the people in the room started chatting about everything what was coming.

- 'You got it?' you asked him and he nodded without a word.

- 'Got what?' Colson asked cluelessly looking at you both.

- 'Nothing.' you replied as you asked him for his phone. 'But you just held yours a minute ago' he stated the truth. 'But I want... yours.' You asked politely again and he did finally what you asked him and without even thinking you gave immediately Slim the phone.

- 'Okay... I don't understand you. What are you up to?' he asked smirking at you.

- 'You... and me are up to catching a flight. You can't say no because I will handcuff you to me if you start to rebel. We are going on a little vacation right now.'

- 'You need this bro' Slim stated too watching as you didn't let Colson's hand from yours. 'I already fought with her because of this... and I didn't even have the slightest chance either... nor have you, so... just accept it'

- 'You really have a handcuff with you?' he asked the right question.

- 'Just bought a new pair in San Francisco, to make sure everything would be fine' he threatened him but you were sure that he would even enjoy if you used it right there and then.

- 'Ohh... it will be more than fine' he looked at you with the hungriest smirk on his lips.

- 'Please... get a room or whatever, but catch your flight because I think I'm gonna throw up in my mouth if I have to be with you two two more seconds' Slim said and you already were stealing the star of the moment leaving the place as fast as you arrived there.

- Maybe he had other plans, maybe the others did too but with the help of your very good friends you made sure everything would be okay. They agreed that he deserved this getaway before everything was coming and A LOT was coming. He needed that recharge and so did you.

- You managed to rent a beach house probably in the middle of nowhere and that place was exactly what you two needed. No internet, no people just the two of you and the calming sound of the ocean.

- Yeah, both of you were and still are the people who can't really sit in a place for more than a minute, because you had to do something but once in a while it was good just to... be. Because you just bought 'tickets to my downfall' and before all the craziness you had to remind him that he is a human being and if he loses his power he could not spread the energy to anybody else... not even himself.

Tag list (write me if you wanna be on it❤)

@no-shxt-sherl @kiss-yall @bakerkells @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @mgk-rooklover1997 @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @southernmgkpunk @thegunnerkelly @findingmyth @painkillerash @rosesinmars @rosegoldrichie @pinksocktingz @itjustkindahappenedreally @cclynn88 @bluehairedtracii

[annoyed-galaxy]

Hero, Doggo, Brother and Sparrow for HOBW!!

I already answered Brother and Sparrow, so I’ll just copy pasta them after the cut so you don’t have to go hunting for the OG post.

Hero

Aelyn is much like her mother in regards to fighting. Magic is extremely fascinating to Aelyn and she absolutely loves the gauntlets. Although, as she grew older and began looking into the history of Heroes, she was extremely sad to find out that she didn’t have a true connection to Will like her mother so her power was limited to that of the gauntlets. Although part of her was glad considering the possibility of Will being able to kill her. Her favorite gauntlets to use were the ice and blades gauntlets. She mixed all sorts of fighting styles into her gauntlets. She was fast, agile, and deadly. She could cover the ground in ice, skate by a bandit and kill him without him even having a chance to react. She would have magical blades swirl around her and get enemies from long range. Her sword was also a favorite to use. It wasn’t the sword her mother used back in her adventuring days (that was given to Logan) but rather a sword that Walter had given her. She learned to fight close with the sword and far away with her magic, but much like her mother, Will was always her go to. Aelyn wasn’t as good with a pistol, but she had the nimbleness and dexterity of a person with Skill.

Aelyn does wish she could experience what it’s like to actually use Will rather than being limited to the gauntlets, but she knows there is a possibility she could perish because of her body’s weaknesses. Even still, the tattoos she has glow similarly to the way her mother’s Will lines used to.

Doggo

Her dog was actually a gift by her mother (who I named in game Rocko in honor of my dog that passed away). Rocko was given to Logan and Aelyn as a present and Sparrow had told them that no servants would be taking care of him. They would have to feed and water him, play with him, groom him, and take care of him themselves. She wanted them to have the opportunity that she never had as a child to have a dog and take care of it. Logan and Aelyn loved this dog with all their hearts and made sure to do their best. However, Aelyn was left to the care when Logan was forced to become king and had little time. Rocko was also another factor into trying to fill the hole that Logan left. To this day, Logan and Aelyn have gone back to caring for Rocko together and has become basically an emotional support animal for these two knuckle heads.

End

Beneath the cut is the repeat answers for Brother and Sparrow. As I said in the other post, I am an extremely family orientated person, I love my family and family means everything to me, so of course I project this onto Aelyn, Logan, and Sparrow. Their bonds are strong as hell.

Brother

Aelyn and Logan were inseparable when they were young. Whenever their mom was busy with her duties, Logan and Aelyn were always spending time together. Logan would even sneak away from his lessons just to be with his sister. Whenever she had nightmares or was sick, she would crawl into Logan’s bed and cuddle with him. She always looked up to him as the one person who could make her instantly feel better. She loved him with her whole heart and he loved her with all of his. Sparrow had enforced this belief to her kids that they should never leave each others’ sides. She especially taught Logan how to protect his sister and keep her safe. She did not want them to suffer as she had.

Logan and Aelyn learned how to make music together, Aelyn taking up Sparrow’s love for the lute and signing, and Logan learning how to play the piano and sing.They made beautiful music and it was Aelyn’s favorite thing to do.

However, everything changed when their mother died. Logan, who had spent a lot of time with Sparrow was absolutely distraught. Aelyn was sad, but she hadn’t known Sparrow as much as her big brother did. She tried to comfort Logan, but he was already forced into the role of king. Logan worked tirelessly as king and still trying to deal with his grief. He tried to make time for Aelyn but it was always less and less as his time as king grew longer. Then it was time for him to go to Aurora. Aelyn had cried on the docks, hating to say goodbye. Logan gave her the crown and told her “Keep this safe until I return.” Then he was gone.

When he returned, Aelyn was kept away from him for a while by Walter. When Walter tried to explain what happened, Aelyn couldn’t understand. What did he mean that Logan lost everyone he went with? Logan threw himself into his work, now no longer having any time for his little sister and it broke Aelyn’s heart. She became friends with Elliot as sort of a replacement for the time, but nothing could fill the gaping hole that Logan left. When it came to the throne room, Aelyn could not believe what was happening. Why was Logan doing this? Aelyn begged and pleaded Logan to just stop what he was doing and talk to her. He didn’t listen. Aelyn was unable to make a decision. How could she? So everyone was killed, even Elliot (yes I am changing the decision I made in game because this fits Aelyn more. I can do that okay).

That night Aelyn spent many hours crying, confused and scared until Walter took her away from the castle. During the entire time she was building a revolution, she wanted nothing more than an answer from her brother. She knew people would want him dead, but she would never kill him. No matter what. When she went to Aurora, she had saw images of her brother being killed by the Darkness. And she knew this was no imaginary threat because of Walter’s close encounter. Upon escaping Aurora, Aelyn started to have an idea of what happened to Logan. When she usurped the throne and had to judge Logan, everyone called out for his death.

Aelyn had approached him and asked about Aurora. She wanted to know if what he did was for the good of the people. She finally understood: Her brother was afraid. Big, strong, and fearless brother Logan...was scared. Aelyn had always looked up to him and never thought he could be scared of anything so when he admitted this, Aelyn asked him to stay by her side and face the Darkness together.

After the Darkness was defeated, Logan tried leaving Albion, suggesting it would be for the best, but Aelyn yelled at him, screaming “You are all I have left now. Don’t you DARE leave me.” So he stayed and became her new royal advisor and helped rule alongside her. (There is more I could go on about, but this is already long enough SOOOOO moving on. If you want to hear more about Logan and Aelyn I will be HAPPY to shout about them)

Sparrow

Between all of her queenly duties, Sparrow had tried to spend enough equal time with her children. Of course, she had more time to spend with Logan since he was the eldest. When Aelyn was born, she was very weak and extremely sick. Sparrow had named her Aelyn Rose, in honor of her sister, and it broke her heart when physicians had claimed Aelyn would not survive. But by some miracle, Aelyn survived and her beautiful raven black hair had turned white by some odd reasons. Sparrow made sure that even if she couldn’t spend enough time with Aelyn, she always had Logan to take care of his little sister.

Aelyn loved mom unconditionally but never got the same experience Logan did. Her mom used to sing her lullabys and tell her stories about her adventures, but she never got the lessons in fighting and knowledge about Heroes like Logan did. This was mainly due to Sparrow’s fear of Logan losing his sister and wanting him to protect her. So when Sparrow died, Aelyn was sad, but not as sad as Logan. She did wish she could have more time with her mother. Part of her always lit up when Walter or Logan commented how much like her mother she was. She was definitely most surprised when Reaver commented on her and her mother’s likeness.

All in all, Aelyn did love her mother, but didn’t have the close connection she did with Logan. Part of Sparrow lived on through Logan and Aelyn could count that as enough.

[thebowerypresents]

POSITIVE SPINS: NEW ARTISTS, NEW ALBUMS, AND NEW LIVE STREAMS THAT PUT OUR 2020 ON A BETTER TRACK

2020 proved to be one of the hardest years we have collectively gone through.  While we didn’t have live music to lean on when times got tough, these are the albums, artists and livestreams that got us through the rough patches and will carry us into a brighter 2021.

Listen to our playlist of Positive Spins!

BEST NEW ARTISTS OF 2020 (in no particular order)

THICK

“Brooklyn-based pop-punk three-piece, THICK, are not afraid to say (or sing) what’s on everyone’s mind - with a fierceness and confidence I can only aspire to assume. Sticking it to the establishment is the name of their game - take “Mainsplain,” for instance - and they manage to do so with catchy chord progressions and an uplifting vigor. I can’t wait to see what’s next for the trio, and who else they’ll put in check.” - S. D.

Ela Minus

“Brooklyn-based techno-pop artist Ela Minus broke onto the scene this year with her debut album “ acts of rebellion.” The Colombian-born musician has a background in emo bands, is a trained jazz drummer, and she wrote, produced, engineered, and recorded the album on her own. “acts of rebellion” is moody and sultry, while still making you want to grab your friends and dance.” - K. C.

Arlo Parks

“Without even having released her debut album yet, Arlo Parks has made a name for herself this year. Singles released throughout the year, paired with 2019’s EP ‘Sophie’ and her slot as support on Hayley Williams’ (cancelled) tour have boosted Arlo to a new level this year, that we can only assume will continue to rise in 2021 when her debut album drops.” - K. C.

Beabadoobee

“Beabadoobee’s interesting name is only matched by her sound - bedroom-pop fused with nineties indie-rock, tinged with a tender, DIY aesthetic. Her track “If You Want To” will have you singing along, while her single “She Plays Bass” will take you back to your hormonal, vulnerable, teenage years met with sublime nostalgia. She’s without a doubt a silver lining in 2020.” - S. D.

BENEE

“I first saw Auckland’s BENEE at Rough Trade in October of last year - her sincere, to-the-point lyrics and quirky hooks instantly hooked me. You may know her track, “Supalonely,” which found popularity on TikTok during the height of lockdown, but BENEE’s sound isn’t limited to the confines of one social media trend. In her debut album released this year, BENEE displays an uncanny ability to tackle alt-rock, hip-hop and electro-pop all at the same time, in an unbothered, endearing way - making her a “one to watch” in 2020 and beyond.” - S. D.

Christian Lee Hutson

There isn’t a lack of acoustic singer-songwriters out there, but Christian Lee Hutson is an important new voice. Hutson first full length album, “Beginners,” released this year, has a warm and honest quality to it. The production is subtle (thanks to producer Phoebe Bridgers), and so perfectly complements a simple, acoustic narrative. The result is a soulful, beautiful, and special work of music. - S. D.

Do Nothing

“2020 newcomers out of Nottingham, UK, Do Nothing have already made a big splash in the post-punk world. Releasing their first EP, Zero Dollar Bill, earlier this year, the band have been compared to Idles and are setting out on a similar path of success. Upon first hearing their earlier single Lebron James, countless fans are sure to be sucked into the world of Do Nothing.” - K. C.

Kate Bollinger

“I first listened to Kate Bollinger when she released I Don’t Wanna Lose in 2019. I played the track Candy on repeat all year long. It has been so lovely to watch her grow into the artist she is today. This year she released an EP called A word becomes a sound, which quickly became one of my favorite releases of 2020. Her voice is so comforting. Whenever I listen, I feel like I am being coddled in a fluffy blanket with a cup of herbal tea and nothing could go wrong at that moment. I can’t wait to see what Kate has planned for 2021 and beyond!” - L. S.

SAULT

“After a year of intense racial unrest in the United States, SAULT’s importance is more significant now than ever.  With themes focusing around the Black Lives matter movement, this mystery soul-funk group has become more than buzzy in the music scene, and has earned a spot on tons of year end lists.” - K. C.

Sorry

“London-based genre-defying band Sorry released their debut album ‘925’ this year, produced by James Dring (Gorillaz, Jamie T) which is already reason enough to pique the interest of most. The album certainly does not disappoint, with each song giving you a different taste of the many interesting sides of this up-and-coming group.” - K. C.

Honorable Mentions:

Gracie Abrams Remi Wolf Hailey Whitters KennyHoopla Jade Hairpins Jockstrap Model/Actriz Mild Orange Your Smith Neal Francis

BEST NEW ALBUMS OF 2020 (in no particular order)

Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

“Fiona Apple is fearless in this album. The song structures and sounds take you on a listening experience I can only describe as emotional in the best way. Eight years of waiting was totally worth it.“ - S. D.

Fleet Foxes – Shore

“This album had been bright spot in a difficult year. St. Ann’s Church was the perfect location for their Colbert performance of Can I Believe You and the live stream will be the perfect holiday present. Ready to feel all the feels!” - K. A.

Khruangbin - Mordechai

“Khruangbin is one of my go-to bands, and “Mordechai” has been heavy in my rotation in 2020. It’s really a great album – I play it cover-to-cover and pairs well with a cocktail and cooking at home, infusing some needed spice and energy in what could otherwise be ‘just another night’ during a long, monotonous several months.” - C.M.

Moses Sumney - Græ

“The highly anticipated second album from Moses Sumney, shows us more of the highly personal, raw and emotionally moving music we have some to expect from him. The cluster of emotions that Moses works through with his beautifully unique voice in this 20 song album give us a look into the complicated mind of one of the most interesting artists of the last 5 years.” - K. C.

Perfume Genius – Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

“*Bill Hader’s Stefan voice* this album has everything! From the heavy and distorted bass on “Describe” to the melodic harp stringing of “Leave,” to the dance ballad (is that a thing?) “On The Floor,” Perfume Genius’ album Set My Heart on Fire Immediately really does have it all. Each song feels vastly different from the next in tone, instrumentation, and influence – yet they all come together so perfectly to make this stunning album, all while showcasing his vocal depth and range. There’s a reason he’s called Perfume *Genius*, and that is because Mike Hadreas can take familiar feelings and turn them into unconventional pop ballads that feel both relatable, but new and exciting at the same time.” - R. E.

Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher  

“How does Phoebe do it? (a question I ask myself daily). I remember waking up on June 18 as if it was my birthday. Punisher is everything I hoped for and then some more. The last song on the album, “I know The End” concludes with a scream which is the perfect cherry on top to this masterpiece. This album is a rollercoaster of Phoebe’s emotions and I feel blessed to be along for the ride. It is relatable, heartfelt and honest. Thank you to Phoebe for this gift. The world will never be the same after this.” - L. S.

Rina Sawayama - SAWAYAMA

“SAWAYAMA is the early 2000s pop resurgence we didn’t know we needed, mixed with all the best parts of nu-metal. Rina Sawayama uses catchy pop hooks reminiscent of early Britney Spears, and pairs them with heavy guitar riffs to give us arguably the most fun album of 2020 that we cannot wait to experience live.” - K. C.

Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

Thundercat - It Is What It Is

“I love how this album embraces the darkness while managing to find the light in despair - it seems to acutely reflect the times we are in yet is simultaneously so personal to Bruner. The lyrics are set against a backdrop of funk, electronica, jazz, and soul, so there’s a little something for everybody.” - S. D.

Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud

“This album was released early in quarantine, and was the perfect musical escape during some of the toughest days. The imagery and reflection of the lyrics are why Saint Cloud tops my list of albums of 2020.” - J. F.

Honorable Mentions: The Beths – Jump Rope Gazers Fontaines DC - A Heros Dream Kevin Morby – Sundowner Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit – Reunions My Morning Jacket - The Waterfall II CHIKA - Industry Games Megan Thee Stallion - Suga Christian Lee Hutson- Beginners Idles- Ultra Mono Sturgill Simpson - Cuttin Grass Pup - This Place Sucks Ass Futurebirds- Teamwork Adrianne Lenker – Songs / Instrumentals Tom Misch, Yussef Dayes - What Kinda Music + the bonus tracks EP Some Kind Of Peace – Olafur Arnalds Tyler Bryant and the Shakedown - Pressure Josh Ritter - See Here, I Have Built You a Mansion Sahara Moon - Worthy Local H - Lifers Deep Purple - Whoosh! Indigo Girls Look Long Taylor Swift - folklore Against All Logic – 2017-2019

TOP TEN LIVESTREAMS 2020 (in no particular order)

Christine & The Queens (Live on KEXP at Home)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bavZe47um4

“Live on KEXP at Home” was home to some of my favorite quarantine livestreams, and this one did anything but disappoint. Not only does Chris, aka Christine & The Queens, perform, but interviews are woven throughout the livestream. The drama of her performances, juxtaposed with her witty and humorous banter with the interviewer was such a breath of fresh air. If you’re a fan of Chris, this is a must watch.“ - S. D.

Courtney Barnett and Lucius & Friends: Live From Our Lounge Rooms with Sheryl Crow, 3/25/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbfRbw3o1jU

“This was a gift that kept on giving. The stream started off with Courtney Barnett and Lucius in matching pajamas. I truly thought it could not get any better but I was in for a treat! The stream included performances by Nathaniel Rateliff, Sheryl Crow, Sharon Van Etten, Waxahatchee, Kevin Morby and more. I can safely say this was my favorite live stream I watched in 2020.” - L. S.

Julien Baker, Themfest Instagram Livestream, 4/16/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tINSbY4wRjs

“Recorded for Themfest during the early days of quarantine, Julien Baker’s in-home livestream was a welcome respite from the Cuomo briefings and general despair of mid April. Just kidding, Julien Baker is the queen of Sad Shit and I certainly didn’t tune into this livestream expecting a mood boost. But if you subscribe to the “sad songs make me feel better” aesthetic purveyed by our sweet little siren, this moody, intimate shot-on-iphone set will scratch that itch. But let’s not fool ourselves, nothing will ever replace the feeling of holding your breath along with 1,799 others at Brooklyn Steel while JB rips your heart out, in a nice way.” - E. M.

Kurt Vile, Love From Philly Livestream, 5/3/20 (covers John Prine’s “Sam Stone” near the end)  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjKG-7d5loY&feature=emb_logo - Jared

“Back in May, Kurt Vile took to his basement for a solo acoustic stream to benefit 30 Amp Circuit, a non-profit dedicated to support the health, wellness, and professional needs of Philadelphia-based musicians and artists. The intimate 3-song set rounded out with a special tribute to the late John Prine, as Kurt did his own rendition of “Sam Stone.”” - J. D.

Radiohead, In Rainbows - From The Basement, 6/4/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWqDIZxO-nU

“This is the one die hard Radiohead fans have been waiting for. This session originally from 2008 existed in some pretty esoteric places and has been almost impossible to find – until now.” - G. A.

Sturgill Simpson, Live at The Ryman Auditorium, 6/5/20  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO73im4J2sU

“2020 was supposed to be a banner year for Sturgill, until he got COVID-19 in April. He’s ok now, but something about this performance in the sacred church of country music The Ryman, hits different.” - G. A.

Haim - Women in Music PT. III Live Show, 6/25/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_eJU6X3_jQ

“I love pretty much everything the Haim sisters do - so much so that I aspire to be a sister myself. When I was feeling those very familiar mid-pandemic blues, their “Women in Music PT III” livestream, which celebrated their new album of the same name, was the exact pick me up that I needed. For the first time since March, the 30 minute set made me feel as if I was at an intimate gathering - rather than behind a computer watching a YouTube video along with thousands of others. The stream will have you grooving, laughing, and you may even want to be a Haim sister yourself.” - S. D.

Nilufer Yanya, Boiler Room: Streaming From Isolation with Night Dreamer & Worldwide FM, 6/28/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAaAicIJE7s

“Hauntingly beautiful and yet also somehow grounded, Nilufer Yanya’s June livestream was a special one to watch. It makes the case for how intimate an artist’s performance can be, even virtually.” - G. A.

Brittany Howard, Live From Ryman Auditorium, 10/17/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLH59WLQbZo

“Watching Brittany Howard and her incredible band rip through a set on the Ryman stage like no one and everyone was watching all at once was cathartic. The combination of such a singular artist and historic venue hit a similar nerve to seeing an artist you’re excited about play a show in the flesh with people you love – not an easy feat!” - M. L.

Tkay Maidza - Live on KEXP at Home, 11/3/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPJgrDvyRbw

“13 minutes and 11 seconds of pure energy. This livestream is the moment we’ve all been waiting for, and, in my opinion, showcases Maidza as the star that she is. A must-watch if you’re looking for a refreshing and colorful approach to hip-hop.“ - S. D.

[yelena-bellova]

She Won’t Be Forgotten - Avengers Endgame Fix-It

Summary: The team holds a small funeral/memorial for Natasha and they share their memories with her.

Requested by anon: Can i have one where the avengers hold a funeral for Natasha? We were deprived of that scene in the film Warnings: endgame spoilers (and some direct quotes), heartbreak, just general sadness and pain Word Count: 2,806 Note: WOW. This took a while to write because I wanted to take my time with it. Natasha deserved a funeral scene SO BAD and I’m still bitter she didn’t get one…So here’s what I think it would look like. I originally started writing it taking place at the compound and then I went “crap, the compound is gone” I listened to this really great playlist I found while writing it, it’s called Goodbye Natasha Romanoff and it really put me in the right head space to write it. ENJOY! *passes tissues around Tumblr*

“It’s okay…”



Natasha’s final words had been playing back in Clint’s head on repeat for the past few days. They had won the battle, Thanos was gone and he was reunited with his family, yet it still felt like a hollow victory. His best friend was gone. He was currently sitting in the guest room of Tony and Pepper’s house, trying to collect himself before going to out to be with the team. Tony’s funeral had happened just hours before, but everyone had been adamant about giving Natasha one as well. He was dreading leaving the room because once he did, it became real. He’d have to say goodbye to her, he’d have to speak about her in past tense…He’d have to come to terms with the fact that Natasha was gone and he wasn’t sure if he could do that. There was a quiet knock at the door, breaking Clint from his frantic thoughts. He mumbled a “come in” and Steve entered the room. 

 “Hey, we’re ready when you are.” he stated solemnly, putting his hands in his pockets. Clint hesitantly pushed himself out of his chair, walking towards Steve but stopping them both before they exited the room. They hadn’t had time to speak about Natasha’s passing between the battle and dealing with the loss of Tony. Clint didn’t know where to start, feeling like he had failed Steve by being unable to bring Natasha home.

“I really tried to stop her…But it didn’t matter what I did, she…” Clint began to choke up, unable to finish his sentence. 

“We both know nobody could have stopped her.” Steve said quietly, staring down at his feet. They stood there for a moment, Clint replaying the moments on Vormir back in his head and Steve trying not to picture what Natasha’s final moments looked like. Steve put his hand on Clint’s shoulder and squeezed it,

“You did everything you could, Clint. Nobody blames you. And I think if Nat could see you right now, she’d kick you for feeling guilty about any part of this.” 

Clint chuckled, knowing that Steve was right. They walked out of the house, a comforting arm around each other’s shoulders. Once outside, they saw the team sitting together in the grassy area near the lake. The sun was setting into shades of orange and red that reminded Clint of the color of Natasha’s hair, it was a picturesque scene. They didn’t have chairs, they didn’t have anything of Natasha’s to send in the lake as they had with Tony’s arc reactor, they didn’t even have a picture of her. But that wasn’t going to stop them from taking the time to mourn their friend. In the circle, Steve took a seat in between Sam and Bucky while Clint sat between Wanda and Thor. Clint’s wife and kids hadn’t joined, the Barton’s had decided to have a private funeral once they returned home where the kids could mourn their Auntie Nat in the way they needed. Pepper had wished to join but was in no shape to be around anybody other than her daughter and Happy at the moment. Everyone understood, of course, the loss of Tony obviously still weighing heavily on everyone.

 Silence had fallen over the group, Nobody really knew who should start first, but they were all expecting Clint to direct them. Under normal circumstances, he would have been the one to arrange a proper funeral for Natasha. He drew a deep breath and began, 

“I, uh, don’t really know where to start. I guess whoever wants to get the ball rolling can go first…”

There was more silence, everyone had something to say but they collectively felt the same as Clint…Once they grieved her, it would become much more real. Everyone’s heads went up once they heard Sam clear his throat and begin speaking,

 “I didn’t used to know Natasha all that well, I never really spent that much time with her when I first joined the team. Then when we went on the run, we were together pretty much 24/7 and I got to know her really well. And man, she was an amazing woman. We had so many great conversations, she always made sure she had my back, and she really was one of the most loyal friends you could ever ask for.” he began to tear up and tried to swallow the ball forming in his throat.

 “She really became family to me…And I’m gonna miss getting to talk to her.” 

Steve patted him on the back, trying his best to comfort his friend. The three of them had formed such a strong bond when they were on the run after the Accords. Bucky began speaking next, 

“Natasha and I didn’t have a great first meeting…” he flashbacked to the first time he interacted with the redhead, trying to shoot her down on a Washington highway while he was the Winter Soldier. “But once I came out of the cryo-freeze, Steve and them would come to visit every once in a while, and I really got to spend time with her. She and I would sit by the lake on Wakanda sometimes and we’d talk about what we’d been through. Her in the Red Room, me in Siberia. It was just really nice to talk to somebody who understood…She really tried to help me move on, best I could, and for that, I will always be thankful. I really wish that we could have spent more time together.” Bucky looked down at the grass and began fidgeting with a piece in his metal hand. 

“I remember whenever you and she would walk into a room, you’d start speaking Russian and pointing at me and Steve to freak us out.” Sam replied, causing Bucky to chuckle and Steve to form a sad smile. 

“Yeah, she had a good sense of humor…” Bucky said wistfully.

 “Yeah, she was funny. When we’d be away from the compound,” Rocket said, gesturing towards Nebula who was seated next to him, “I’d email her updates on anything we found. Sometimes I’d try to say something in ‘em that would maybe make her smile…She didn’t smile a lot, but when she did, it would kind of make the rest of us want to...I’m gonna miss that.”

Nebula put a hand on Rocket’s shoulder, she had grown to respect Natasha over the past five years of working alongside her. 

“She was an exceptional woman.” was all that Nebula felt like saying. She was still trying to process all of her emotions from the past few days. And knowing that Natasha had to die the same way her sister had was a little too hard for her to deal with at the moment…

“I didn’t get to spend that much time with her but the little I did, wow…” Scott spoke up, “I was blown away by her dedication to the team. I mean, she really loved you guys.”

There was a collective nod around the circle, Natasha had been the one over the past five years to keep the team going best she could. She was the one who stayed up late every night while planning the Time Heist, pouring over new information and thinking up new strategies. If Tony had been considered the heart of the team, Natasha was most definitely the soul… 

“I’ve lived over a thousand years, I’ve traveled across the nine realms, and never have I met a fiercer woman.” Thor remarked. “She truly was the embodiment of the word “hero”. It was an honor to fight alongside her…” 

There were nods of agreement as everyone thought back to their shared memories with Natasha on the battlefield. No one could deny how much of a badass she was…



Rhodey was struggling to find the words to explain what Natasha meant to him. They had always had a tight bond and aside from Tony, she was his closest friend. He’d lost the two people that meant the most to him, leaving him to a degree of speechlessness. 



“She was…Nat.” was all he could get out. Everyone smiled, no explanation was needed. Wanda reached over and squeezed his hand warmly before starting to recount her memories…

“I remember when I joined the team, I was so scared and intimidated by everyone, but especially her. She was so fearless, I was afraid to even speak around her. Then she and I started training together, being paired up on missions and before I knew it, we became friends. I’ll always be thankful for the time I got with her, and…” she began to tear up, quickly trying to pull herself together. Clint put his arm around Wanda and pulled her into his side and she began to quietly weep, letting her sentence trail off. Silence fell over the group, the ones who knew Natasha the best were starting to say their goodbyes and there weren’t many dry eyes left.

Bruce adjusted his arm in its sling and cleared his throat,

“Natasha was…She was the person who showed me that I wasn’t the monster I thought I was. She was warm, like the sun…” he fought to continue, but when he talked about the sun, it only reminded him of the special trick she had to calm Bruce down when he went into Hulk mode. It hit him in that moment that he’d never get to hear her speak those words to him again. He’d never get to hold her in his arms again. He’d never get to see her smile again. He’d never get the life he imagined having with her…He would have to walk through life with only the memories of their time together. He carried on, “I just wish I could have gotten a little more time with her. Just to see her one more time…I’d give anything just to have one more minute with her. I miss her more than anything…”

Nobody could stop themselves from shedding tears after Bruce had bared his soul. They knew how he and Natasha had felt about each other and they all wanted to see them get their happy ending. Knowing Bruce had to carry on without her broke each of their hearts.

Steve sat there, tears silently streaming down his face. He didn’t know how he was going to be able to share how he felt about losing her…The pain of losing both Natasha and Tony had almost been too much for him to bear. Bucky put an arm on his friend’s shoulder, Steve took a deep breath and began to collect himself…

 “I don’t know what to say about her because honestly, I don’t know if there’s enough words to describe how much I’m gonna miss her…She was my partner but more importantly, she was my friend. Even when she didn’t think she was worthy of trust, I knew I could trust her with my life. I owe so much to her…To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do without her here.” Steve wiped his wet cheeks and sniffled, “I wish she was here.” 

The sunset was nearing its end and the solar-powered lights Tony had installed around the house were kicking on, giving the area a warm glow. Clint was the only one who hadn’t spoken and after hearing everyone else talk about his friend, he was even more emotional. He didn’t know how he was going to get through this…Wanda squeezed his hand and removed herself from his embrace, giving him the space to say what he needed to say how he needed to say it. He took in a deep breath and, to everyone’s surprise, let out a small laugh. 



“You know, if she were here she’d be yelling at us for wasting time sitting around mourning her. She’d be telling us to get off our asses, go mourn Tony, do something…Then again if she were here, none of us would be…She didn’t just save half the population, she saved us all too. I know she saved me, so many times…” Clint swallowed the ball in his throat and picked at a blade of grass, “And the one time I try to save her, she goes and saves the whole damn planet.” He thought back to his attempts to outrun her on Vormir, picturing a world where he was gone but Natasha got to live. He smiled thinking of the life she would have lived. He liked to think that she would have ended up with Bruce, maybe he could have convinced her to move out near him and his family. Maybe she would have settled down and gotten the life she never thought she was deserving of. Maybe she’d retire totally from hero work and finally get to rest. Maybe she and Bruce would find a way to become parents, fulfilling both of their hopes to have a child. Maybe she’d take back the life that was stolen from her at such a young age. Maybe she’d find happiness finally.

It was then that Clint broke down. 

“It was supposed to be me…I tried so hard. I didn’t let go when she told me to, how could I? How could I let her go? I wanted to save her so badly, but I couldn’t…” he wept into his hands, he hadn’t let himself fall apart over her until now. It finally began to feel real that she was gone. Wanda placed a hand on his arm, wishing she could take away his pain. After a moment, he sniffled and tried to continue speaking, 

“It’s not like it would have worked anyway, she would have brought me back to life only to kill me again if I had been the one to make the sacrifice play.”

That time the whole group let out a small laugh, imagining Natasha doing that wasn’t difficult to do.

Clint smiled, “She was a pain in my ass, but I loved her…She meant the world to me. And I’m so happy my kids got to know her, that they have memories with her. And knowing how many lives she touched here makes me real happy because I know she’s never going to be forgotten.” He looked off towards the lake, watching the remnants of the sun begin to disappear. “I wish there was a way to tell her that we won.” he said wistfully. 

“She knows.” Wanda replied.

 “She would have whipped Thanos’ butt, wouldn’t have needed any help from us.” Sam remarked, causing everyone to laugh. Even Clint was able to crack a toothy smile at the thought of her singlehandedly taking down the titan and his entire army.

“We’re all going to miss her…But we sure as hell aren’t going to let her legacy die.” Steve said, everyone mumbling their agreement.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Wanda exclaimed, standing up and rushing over towards the porch. She lifted a medium-sized object off of a chair and walked back towards the group. It was revealed to be a paper lantern and a lighter, “Pepper found this in the garage and thought we might like to use it.” 

Everyone stood up from the ground and collectively walked towards the edge of the lake. Wanda handed the lantern to Clint as she tried to get the lighter to flicker on. She handed it to Steve eventually who struggled with it as well, finally getting it to give off a flame after several tries. Rhodey pulled out his phone quietly and found a soft song to play. Steve lit the lantern and it began it’s controlled blaze. Clint held it in his hands for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. To him, it felt that once he let the lantern go, he’d be letting the last piece of Natasha go. He put his face as close as he could to it without burning himself,

 “I love you, Nat.” he whispered.

And then he let go. 

They watched as the lantern floated into the sky, emitting a much needed light into the darkness. Tears were shed, hugs were shared, but there was a comforting warmth to the moment that everyone reveled in. They felt Natasha with them as if she was wrapping her arms around all of them. Clint smiled as he watched the lantern go higher and higher, knowing that she was smiling down at them.

The Barton’s held a private memorial and the kids never let go of their memories with Auntie Nat. Pepper financed a memorial statue for her alongside the one she’d commissioned for Tony. Bruce decided he was going to live every day for her, every one of his scientific breakthroughs was dedicated to her. Steve told his and Peggy’s daughter, Natasha, bedtime stories of the heroic Black Widow.

Natasha could never be forgotten. Her family made sure of it.

[timetoboldlygo]

got very inspired so here’s a bit of my kiribaku promare au!! also listen to THIS while reading:

---

Eijirou buried his face in his hands. “It’s Crimson Riot,” he said. The words crawled out of his throat, quiet and horrible, like fat bugs creeping over his bottom lip. Tears pulled at the corner of his eyes. “The speech. It changed my life.”

Katsuki blinked at him, eyelashes sweeping shadows across the pink glow on his cheeks. “And All for One killed him,” he realized, more gently than Eijirou would have been able to imagine he was capable of. But then, this was a boy who had been crying with rage and fury and brokenheartedness, ready to level a city for his family. Katsuki felt things deep in his soul, scars and bruises must cover the whole thing and only his flame could heal it. Eijirou could understand that a little bit. “Hey, come on. Get up.” His free hand, the one with no flames, reached out, burning fingers trailing along his shoulder, down his arm, until it reached his elbow.

Eijirou shook his head as Katsuki bodily lifted him up the ground. “He stole that speech,” he choked out, pressing a hand against his traitorous heart. He wished he could be cool about this, manly, but his heart was breaking into pieces. “He said it at - at some ceremony, he was being awarded a medal. He said that when he saved my life he’d been scared. Scared! That speech was everything to me, I - I  - it made me not a coward!” He’d had the speech on his phone, playing it over and over on his commute to work some days, All For One’s smooth voice over and over in his ear, like he was saying it just to Eijirou, the words chosen for him. To not live without regrets. To be a hero. To save people. He’d never have joined Burning Rescue without that, he have been too scared.

“Hey,” Katsuki said, but it sounded far away, distant, like Eijirou was hearing the words through water, drowning. 

Stupidly, he thought the speech had sounded a lot better in Crimson Riot’s rumble, like the words were worn and scraped over dirt and gravel, like they were said in a moment of passion, no pretense. He hadn’t cleaned up that speech at all, he’d wanted to say it the way he truly was. Strong, chivalrous, representing hope. All For One had always been too slick for his own good, oily. Eijirou should have noticed that. “He stole it,” Eijirou said, voice very quiet. “He fucking stole it from Crimson Riot. He was never a hero! He lied and I bought into it, like a fucking idiot and like a fucking coward!” His voice rang out shrilly, sputtering the flame in Katsuki’s hand a little bit.

“Hey,” Katsuki said into the silence, pushing his flame stronger. “Look, I don’t - it’s whatever, about All For One. Just because he stole it, it doesn’t mean Crimson didn’t read it.” He slammed a hand on one of the buttons on the console. Above them, Crimson Riot’s gravelly speech repeated.

Of course I get scared, he said. Deep voice. The voice of a hero. Ain’t no one out there who faces death without fear. All For One had cleaned the speech up. Removed the slang, tweaked it so that it was overly pretentious, no slang or heart to it at all.

“Turn it off.”

“No!” Katsuki grabbed him by his collar, pulling him so close that all Eijirou could see was pink flame and its reflection in Katsuki’s red eyes, hypnotizing. Something close to godly, maybe, and it stole Eijirou’s breath to have all that attention on him. “No, you fucking listen to it! Let that be your new meaning. Who cares if All For One stole it? You’re the one who heard it and wanted to do better! You aren’t a fucking coward, he didn’t make you stronger! You did that!”

Eijirou gaped at him. Katsuki had that same look on his face as he had the first time Eijirou had ever laid eyes on him, calculating, burning red eyes, so intently focused on nothing but Eijirou himself. Crimson Riot’s voice raised to a shout, echoing around the room. A strong spirit! It ain’t about confidence, or being fearless! None of that! I’m a hero, so I protect people! It’s about living without regret!

“You fucking hear that,” Katsuki yelled, so angry flames were crawling up his throat, Eijirou could see them smoldering behind his teeth when he opened his mouth. “You’re a hero so you protect people! Give it your fucking all!” He dropped Eijirou, who rocked back and collapsed on the floor, palms stinging as they hit the floor. The video and audio cut off with a bzzt, leaving Katsuki’s alien light as the only flame, leaving Katsuki bathed in blue the only thing Eijirou could see. “Don’t fucking live with regret. Don’t let All For One make you.”

Eijirou brushed at his eyes. Crying, of course. “Thanks,” he said quietly, then louder. “Thanks!” Louder, until he was screaming, needing to get it all out. he wasn’t quiet or a coward, he was Kirishima Eijirou, Burning Rescue member, hero. A fucking hero. So he drew breath and yelled so loudly his own ears rang. “Thank you, Bakugou Katsuki!”

“Shuddup,” Katsuki mumbled, and suddenly he wasn’t the leader of the Mad Burnish, he was just a boy holding up a torch in a dark room. “It isn’t a big deal.”

“It is to me,” Eijirou said, grabbing his hand. “Katsuki. Really, thank you.”

[ravenandwritingdesks]

In The Cards - Chapter 4: Knight of Wands

Click here to read chapter 1 

Knight of Wands

Opposition of this card indicates frustrations, delays, and the need to compensate for something that you lack control over.

Up: action, adventure, fearlessness

Reversed: Anger, Impulsivity, recklessness

____________________

“First day of class!” An enthusiastic voice calls as hands forcefully shake the snoozing body that’s happily cocooned in a pile of blankets.

Rather than dignifying the rude awakening with a response, Sakura flips over and pulls the duvet over her head. Magic school or no, early mornings are not her thing, especially after the late-night private session with her partner.

“Come on, Sakura,” an exasperated Ino whines as she settles for ripping the entire set of bedding off her very annoyed roommate. “What type of friend would I be if I let you sleep through your first class.”

Realizing that it’s time to admit defeat, Sakura begrudgingly rises from the mattress and begins shuffling around the room to get ready. “Fine…” she lets a sigh escape her, “do you have a spell that can magically cause caffeine to enter my body?”

“Tough out of luck, sweetie,” Ino responds as she begins brushing out her golden strands of hair. “That sounds like the job for your Match.”

Sakura’s stomach begins to turn in knots at the mention of her partner. Last night was an obvious disaster and just further provoked her unease of their whole situation. The thought of how quickly July approaches gnaws at her, causing her fingers to tremble and making it extremely difficult to apply any make up.

Once both girls are ready, they set out to their first class. “How was last night by the way?” Ino asks, a sense of wariness in her voice. The more experienced witch is obviously still hesitant when it comes to the Uchiha boy, though she tries to hide it.

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Sakura states, thinking of all their interactions to date. Though their attitudes towards each other dance the line of hot and cold, it’s obvious there is a wall between them. She would be lying if she claimed to not have contributed to that, especially after her conversation with the Hokage, which did little to quell her fears of the situation. Dark magic or no, her Match’s last partner is still dead.

“Sasuke doesn’t like anybody,” Ino responds with a snort, “he never really has.”

Sakura lets out a humorless chuckle at her roommate’s words. Though, she’s not sure if they are meant to comfort her or if the other girl is simply stating a fact.

“Isn’t the whole Match thing supposed to mean he has to like me?” she questions, everything about their situation is still so confusing.

“Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way,” Ino responds as she ushers Sakura into the classroom. It’s less than magnificent with ordinary black tables for the students to sit at and a dirty, freestanding chalkboard at the front of the room.

“Like any type of relationship you still have to build up trust and grow with each other,” she continues, taking a seat next to Sai who is already prepared for class with a notebook and pen sitting in front of him. “It can just be easier with the bond since you guys have a deeper understanding of each other. Being able pick up on the other’s thoughts and feelings does have that advantage.”

“Well a whole lot of good this bond is doing,” Sakura mutters to herself as she thinks back to the lack of connection last night. Apparently, Sasuke is trying to keep her out of his head. Maybe he’s just not ready for a new Match yet.

“Good morning.”

Sakura turns to see Hinata settling into the seat on her opposite side, pushing a travel mug in her direction.

“Witches brew?” Sakura questions jokingly as she accepts the offering.

Hinata gives a small smile in response. “Coffee,” she corrects, “You wouldn’t want to fall asleep on your first day, you could miss something important.” A lavender-eyed wink causes Sakura to smile, she’s discovering that she really likes the clairvoyant witch regardless of her cryptic words and apparent ability to read her mind.

She takes a big gulp from the warm tumbler, whose contents has been perfectly sweetened to her liking, as the classroom begins to fill with students. Though it’s a small area, more people than she’s seen in her entire time here occupy it. Magicians of all shapes and sizes joke and laugh, more than one of the pairs holding hands or snuggling close to one another. She almost wants to laugh at the mundanity of it all, despite the few floating objects and periodic puffs of smoke it feels like any other classroom.

The commotion begins to settle down when the professor saunters in lazily, throwing his lesson plan down on the desk with a unceremonious flop. Sakura recognizes the silver hair and masked face of Kakashi Hatake, the man that greeted her when she had been teleported from the train station.

“DILF” Ino whispers to her as the last of the whispers around them quiet.

Sakura ignores her and prepares to listen to the lecture but a shadow in the corner of her eye causes her attention to turn back to the doorway.

Silently, Sasuke slips into the room and settles into a chair in the very back. He catches Sakura’s gaze so she gives him an awkward wave. Of course, he turns away without any acknowledgement of her presence.

This is hopeless, Sakura thinks, resting her chin in her hand. She takes comfort in the fact that Ino’s not wrong about the attractiveness of Professor Hatake, well what little you can actually see of him. As he begins to write on the board, Sakura notices the slender yet well-toned muscles flexing beneath his tight sleeves.

While Ino barely pays attention to the lesson, settling for absentmindedly poofing small flowers of various size and color in and out of existence, Sakura finds herself very intrigued. Today’s lesson is about the fourth Hokage and how he and his Match had to sacrifice themselves in order to slay a great beast created from magic. Hinata lets out a slight shudder at the mention of its name, Kyuubi.  It’s hard for Sakura to grasp that this is truly is the history of her kind as it sounds much more like the plot to a movie.

“But how did the Kyuubi even come to be in the first place?” Asks a female student sitting directly behind Sakura, “You said that it’s a manifestation of extremely powerful dark magic.”

The instructor pauses at the question, before answering in a very deliberate tone. “A man who was blinded by the lust for more power forced his partner to embody the darkness and in the end it consumed her completely.”

A shiver wracks itself up Sakura’s spine. She turns to ask Hinata what it means to be consumed by magic only to see wide, opalescent eyes staring at her, unfocused. “Hinata?” she questions the dazed girl, her gaze causing unease to gnaw at Sakura’s stomach. After just a moment longer, her eyelids flutter with a couple blinks and she turns back to the front of the room as if nothing had happened.

“Sorry, Sakura,” Hinata whispers without looking at her pink-haired friend. “Just a vision.”

With that, Sakura returns her attention to the lecture, trying to pay attention to the logistics of how the third Hokage made laws to reform the use of dark magic after the death of his successor, but her mind keeps wandering to the story of the Kyuubi. How could a Match turn his partner into something so animalistic? But then again, how could one cause the death of their Match, accidentally or not?

Sakura shakes her head, she shouldn’t dwell on these thoughts. Everybody said what happened was an accident, it’s not like Sasuke directly murdered Karin, right? Nobody has actually revealed the full details of the event, it could have been anything that caused the girl to die. Getting lost in her thoughts of worst-case scenarios, she doesn’t notice the pair of dark eyes fixated on the back of her head.

______________________

Sasuke stares at his pink-haired partner in the front of the room, he can tell she’s not paying attention to the lesson, probably lost in her head about the complicated history she’s never heard before. As for himself, he could practically recite the story in his sleep, having grown up learning the more detailed version of it. The Kyuubi has always been the “boogieman” of the magical world, a warning to misbehaving children and the Fourth Hokage is their version of Superman, the hero among them willing to sacrifice himself to save them all.

Soon enough, class is dismissed, and he smoothly slips out the door heading towards a meeting with Orochimaru. However, as he is about to turn the corner a gentle hand clasps over his arm. He takes great care to keep his skin covered, but the simple brush of the stranger’s bare pinky against the exposed sliver of flesh between his glove and sleeve is all it takes.

He feels a chilling sensation wash through his veins as if he’s being viewed from the inside out. Gooseflesh breaks out over his body and he quickly jerks away from the offending limb. Turning to confront whoever dare touch him, assuming it’s his nuisance of a Match, he’s shocked to find the Hyuga girl staring at him instead.

“If you don’t change your course of action, history will repeat itself,” she tells him, her usually gentle voice sharp and severe.

Anger washes his face in red, but instead of dignifying this with a response he turns to leave. He intends to ignore the clairvoyant’s prophecy, but the last of the girl’s words leave him feeling rattled.

“In more ways than one.”

Not wanting to be near the young psychic anymore he quickens his walk to Orochimaru’s office, silently cursing the whole way. How dare she read him, how dare she try and tell him what to do. It doesn’t matter if she’s gifted with the Sight, she doesn’t know anything about him.

Thankfully, the distance between his destination and the classroom is minimal, giving him less time to dwell on the haunting prophecy and his anger that’s threatening to boil over. Without bothering to knock, he opens the door to the professor’s office.

It’s dark, the natural light from the windows blocked out by thick, black curtains. Furnishings in the office are sparse, consisting only of the necessities: a black desk with various chalked runes scribbled over the surface, a small wooden cabinet containing ancient scrolls and dusty jars. A single orb emitting an eerie white light slightly bobs from its position above the desk, the slow bouncing causing the dark shadows of the room to dance with slow, purposeful movements.

“Ah, young Sasuke,” a voice purrs from behind, despite the space being empty beforehand. “Thank you for stopping by.”

“You wanted a meeting,” the boy states, wanting to quickly finish this so he can be alone after what had just occurred with the young psychic.

“Yes,” he pauses, pacing around the room until he eventually settles at the desk. “It’s concerning our last private session with Miss Haruno.”  When Sasuke only continues to stare at the professor with a bored expression, he continues. “You’ve completely blocked the connection between you,” Orochimaru fiddles with a blunted piece of chalk, adding small corrections to the sketched-out designs on the surface of the furniture. “This is not acceptable.”

“She doesn’t need to know anything about me,” Sasuke snaps, impatient with everybody trying to tell him what to do with his Match.

“Now, Sasuke,” Orochimaru tuts, an exacerbating belittlement lacing his tone. “You know it doesn’t work that way. How can you expect either of your powers to flourish under those circumstances?”

“I can call upon her magic when I need it,” he responds, wishing this conversation would come to an end.

“While you may want to simply tap into her reservoir, it will just diminish if there’s no compatibility prompting it to thrive,” he flourishes his hands in the air, emphasizing each of his words. “You can’t just continuously harvest a crop and expect it to always be ripe. You must nurture it.”

Sasuke’s thoughts go to the outcasts of the magic community, people who never find Matches. Their magic wastes away, the source of balance to sustain it never discovered. In some severe cases, the loss of that piece of their life drives them to insanity, leaving them as less than the normal humans.

“How do you expect to complete the Soul Baring?” The professor continues, his yellow eyes raising to lock with Sasuke’s.

The student remains silent, not fully sure how to phrase his turbulent thoughts. He can’t imagine going through a Soul Baring with Sakura. Her naivety of the magical world and cloudy understanding of how Matches work make her so complicated. How would she react if she really saw what was in his soul, his past? There are things in it she would never witness, even in her worst nightmares. She wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Just keep the end goal in mind,” Orochimaru rouses him from the dark path his thoughts are swirling. “Determination alone is not enough to achieve what you need to.”

________________

Sakura runs down the hallway, an impromptu nap causing her to be late for an evening session with the Hokage. Stray hairs fly behind her, the quick messy bun she pulled back jostling free with the commotion. After making a couple wrong turns and having to backtrack, she finally bursts into the practice room.

“I made it!” she puffs out, trying to catch her breath. Surprisingly, she notices that she’s not the only one running late as there’s no sign of the instructor meant to guide their session. The lone occupant of the room seems to stop mid-step when she enters.

Expecting her partner to simply ignore her presence until necessity warrants it, Sakura quietly moves to the center of the room. She can’t stop the automatic jump of surprise her body does when a firm hand spins her around.

Green eyes widen at both the rough action and the proximity of his face.

“Sasuke what are-“

“You should stay away from the Hyuga girl,” he states, close enough that Sakura can feel the warmth of his breath as it hits her cheek.

A dark expression cloaks his face, the severity taking her off guard. It takes her a moment to process his words, but quickly, her surprise is overtaken by anger.

“Who do you think you are?” she practically yells as she shakes his grip off her. Never being one to control her temper, she knows her eyes must be burning with a viridian fire. “You don’t get to just ignore me all day then try to bark orders at me.”

He doesn’t attempt to respond, settling for staring at her blankly, either not taking her outburst seriously or too stunned to know what to do next. Reasoning that the former is far more likely than the latter, the wave of Sakura’s fury comes to a crest. Her hands shake and she briefly notices a tingling sensation around her fingertips.

Ever since they met Sasuke dismisses her attempts to be friendly, avoids her questions, refrains from any unnecessary interactions, and now he’s trying to tell her to leave one of the few people that have been sympathetic to her situation. How dare he think he has any say over who she gets to associate with. She opens her mouth to yell at him again but is cut off by the entry of the Hokage.

Timing as impeccable as ever, Tsunade takes in the aura of the room with the raise of an incredulous eyebrow. “Good to see you too getting along better,” she mutters sarcastically, half-debating summoning a bottle of sake to get her through what’s bound to be an interesting lesson.

Neither of the students try to answer nor attempt to move from their stare-down, as if the first to break eye contact is admitting defeat.

“Well,” the Hokage begins, “strong emotions can lead to some intense chakra merging, however, I do need the both of you to starting listening, now.” At the last word, a gripping force washes over the two, pushing their bodies downward so that they are made to sit across from each other. This compulsion causes the tension to break and each looks away from the other. “Now, take a deep breath and grasp each other’s hands.”

Sakura begrudgingly takes off her gloves. The voice of the Hokage seems to have a calming effect on her, however, she still feels the electric sensation dancing in her fingertips. She makes no move to actually reach for her asshole of a partner’s hands.

Sasuke seems to have a similar mindset taking his sweet time pulling the dark gloves leisurely off each finger.

”I said, now.”

At Tsunade’s voice, the stubborn will of both students evaporates, as magic prompts each to grasp the others’ palm firmly.

Upon making contact, Sasuke quickly jolts his hands away, for a brief moment a look of distraught flickering on his face.

“Come now, Sasuke,” Tsunade tuts impatiently, “do not make me compel you for the entire lesson.”

The boy doesn’t respond, but scowls at his hand for a moment before extending it once again. Hesitantly, he wraps his fingers around Sakura’s wrist.

“Very good,” Tsunade mutters, annoyance and sarcasm interwoven in her tone. “Now we can actually begin.” With a wave of her fingers, a hazy figure forms in the air before plopping into her open palm.

“A lightbulb?” Sakura questions as she stares at the object.

“Make it glow,” Tsunade instructs as she suspends the bulb in the air. “This exercise focuses on both drawing upon each other’s power and controlling it at the same time. If you try to simply overpower one another, the glass will shatter. If you are unable to summon enough power, it won’t light.”

Finding this a lot more interesting than just attempting to push thoughts into Sasuke’s head, Sakura excitedly looks to her partner. Unsurprisingly, she’s met only with bored exasperation.

Glad we’re on the same page, you arrogant asshole.

“Focus guys,” Tsunade prompts, indicating back to the bulb.

Trying to stamp down her annoyance, Sakura stares at the frosted glass above them. She imagines the coils within burning with her power, her energy, her anger…

Pop!

The glass shatters, raining down around them.

“Okay, that’s a start at least,” Tsunade says before producing another lightbulb. “Instead of each of you trying to do it on your own, try cooperate. You won’t need to summon nearly as much individual energy.”

Sakura turns to face the new lightbulb but Tsunade gently press her hand to her face, forcing her to look at Sasuke instead.

“Look at each other, not the light. Focus on each other and your common goal, the rest will follow. ”

Looking at his face, she sees only the superiority of somebody that doesn’t believe she fits in this world. His deep eyes stare down at her, his sharp nose lifted in arrogance. The crackling energy in her fingers returns but instead of Sasuke pulling away she notices the metallic tinge in the air as his own power errupts.

“Careful,” Tsunade orders calmly as she observes the opposing electric sparks of energy exploding around the teenagers. Green and black flashes of light begin to war with each other, the shiny new bulb left forgotten above as the power struggle takes place on the ground. While it would take no effort on her part to stop the teenagers, she simply stands back to observed, interested in where this will go. Perhaps some conflict is exactly what their relationship needs to grow.

Sakura feels her hair standing on end with the friction in the air, senses her power climbing as she challenges Sasuke. He can look down on her all he wants, but he needs to learn that she will not roll over so easily. Tightening her grip on his wrist, she pushes harder against the resistance between them. He needs to know that she will fight him tooth and nail before she yields to his every whim.

“When everybody thought all was lost, the hero stepped in and saved the villagers from the Kyuubi, sealing the foul beast away forever.”

Sakura shakes her head as the strange voice drifts through the room. A woman?

“Someday I’m going to be the hero that saves everybody!” an enthusiastic voice of a young boy responds.

Sakura sees onyx eyes widen slightly as Sasuke’s stubborn façade begins to crack. He hears it too and he doesn’t like it.

“I’m sure you will.” The woman’s voice returns, a happy chuckle lacing her words. “Goodnight. I love you very much, Sasuke.”

Sasuke begins to try and pull his hands from Sakura’s trying to make his memory go away, but she clings tighter as she realizes that she’s finally broken through his defenses; she’s in his thoughts, listening to a memory from long ago.

“I love you too, mommy.”

The energy in the room mounts, reaching its peak as each of the young magician’s emotions rise Sakura’s anger and determination mixing with Sasuke’s pain and stubbornness. With a jolt, the pink-haired girl finds herself being tossed across the room, her back hitting the marble wall with a painful crack before she crumbles to the ground. It takes her a minute to muster up the energy to push herself up, her head rushing in protest after it’s forceful impact.

“Your mother,” she chokes out, feeling as if she just got beat up. Her partner lays sprawled on the floor on the opposite side of the room, slowly rising to his own shaky legs. “I heard her reading to you.”

With enough malice to curdle blood, dark eyes pin her in place, daring her to move another inch. “You heard nothing.”

He stumbles past the Hokage, who has been quietly observing this interaction, before practically falling out of the room.

“What just happened?” Sakura asks the blonde woman who appears to be in deep contemplation.

“You two were fighting against each other, but since your magic knows it’s meant to be compatible it forced you to merge. You were in his head, but that’s not what caused you to break out of it so violently.”

“I forced him to let me see more,” Sakura mutters slightly, realizing that it was the catalyst to their pushback. She was so determined to learn the rest of the memory, to complete her glimpse into his childhood.

“Sasuke is… difficult,” the Hokage continues, her tone firm. “But you can’t pry into his mind. Your Match has to be willing to let you in.”

“So is what just happened bad?” She questions wondering what this means for the progress in their relationship.

“No, but I don’t necessarily think it’s positive either.” Tsunade’s gaze lifts to above where the teenagers had been sitting. “Your merged power is something very curious. Go get some rest, we still have a lot of work to do.”

Sakura exits the training room, not even noticing the bright emerald illumination now being cast from the forgotten lightbulb still suspended in the air.

[jennygirl2014]

GSTC2~The Return of a Hero~Chapter 14

  (A/N: I’m so proud of myself. Not just for updating again lol but because this chapter came so organically.  No real warnings, except that this is a tear jerker.)

Warnings: None, just some fluff and teary eyed moments. Mentions of loss of a child.

            Desirae had finally pulled herself together and managed to dress her own wounds.  Steve’s words still buzzed around in her head like an angry swarm of bees, and it made her jaw clench.  He was right, she hated it, but he was right.  She had given herself no value, and refused to look past the consequences of her accident.  Could the mind be that powerful, to keep the body from healing?  How much of her pain was all in her head?  Of course, not all of it.  But maybe some of it.  She never wanted pity, but was that what she was looking for now?  What had changed in her?  Maybe the accident reminded her of something she almost forgotten after years of working for SHIELD…she was still human.  

              The sound of her communicator going off interrupted her thoughts, causing her to whip her head around and focus on the nightstand.  It sat there lighting up, waiting to be answered.  At first she reached for it, then hesitated.  Could she handle the possible bad news?  Did she want to hear from Mike? Or perhaps it was Fury, checking in. She figured after a second, she didn’t have a choice.  Once her fingers grasped the device she answered it, her voice still low and shaky from her long train of thought.

“Hello?”

“Des…” it was Tina, and she sounded upset, “Are you okay?”

“Tina?” she almost didn’t recognize her friend’s voice, and she grew worried, “What’s wrong?” She heard Tina sob, “What is it?” her heart started pounding.

“Todd and Morgan are dead.” Tina cried.  Desirae didn’t have to think long to remember who Todd and Morgan were.  They were two other agents in her unit, they had actually gotten married shortly before the accident.  They were such a funny couple, always making everyone laugh, they were like family to her.  Flashes of their faces ran through her brain, two young, vibrant, strong people, now gone.

“How?” she was struck by the news.

“They were found in their home just this morning…someone shot them in their sleep.” Tina cried more, sniffling and sobbing.  Des’s blood ran cold, and her hand started trembling.  She wasn’t there.  Her team was dying off and their fearless leader was nowhere around.  

She wasn’t even sure if she could be their fearless leader anymore.  The guilt started to break her, and she caught her eyes welling with tears.

“And we still don’t know where Liz is.” Tina cried more.  “Des…our team is dying.  They’re picking us off a little at a time.  Please tell me you’re safe.”

“I’m safe.” Her voice cracked, and she spoke again with more strength, “I’m fine.  I’m at a safehouse.”

“Are you alone?”

“No,” she thought for a moment, she didn’t want to give away Clint and his family, “I’m with Steve again. We’re both here, but we should be leaving soon.”

“Oh, thank God.” Tina sounded relieved, and she sniffled again. “Please…you have to get here safely.” She opened her mouth to tell Tina about the car accident, about getting shot and Steve pulling her lifeless body from the lake, but she quickly decided against it.  Tina was already upset; she didn’t need to know about the close call.  

“I will.  I promise I will.” And her voice cracked again as a tear streamed down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away. “And then we’re going to rain hell fire down on these sons of bitches.” She clenched her jaw at the thought of avenging her fallen comrades.  

“Can we?” Tina’s voice sounded so small, “Can you…still do it?” she was questioning her.  How did Tina seem to know that she was questioning herself at that very moment?  It was the million-dollar question.  Could she go back to being who she was before?  Did she still have what it takes to be a commander?

“I have to try.” She didn’t want to lie.  She swallowed the lump in her throat and drew in a deep, steadying breath.  She would try.  

“I know.” Tina sounded more at ease.  “I’m waiting for you, boss.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Des nodded to herself, wanting to believe the very words coming from her lips, “I will.”

“Goodbye Des.” Tina suddenly excused herself, maybe not wanting to doubt Desirae, but Des had a feeling that’s what she was doing.  

“Bye.” She didn’t question her friend, and hung up.  

              Des sprang up from where she was sitting, riled up, ready for a fight, pushing aside her feelings of guilt and sadness, now she was enraged.  There was a war going on, and she was missing out.  She didn’t want to take the time to heal, she didn’t want to take the time to find the courage, if she went out in a maddening fury of bullets, blood and vengeance then so be it.  She couldn’t wait any longer, duty was calling.  Ignoring her pain and limping, she marched out the door and down the stairs, making her way past any details of that house she was staying in, everything a blur, until she reached the ground floor and stopped to look around. There was a screen door to her right, across the room, and she jogged over to it and swung it open while her blood was still boiling hot, but who she was looking for was still not in sight. She cleared the wooden porch in three strides and made her way down the few steps where she was greeted with warmth and sunshine, but nothing lifted her mood.

              The sound of children laughing tickled in her ear, and she turned and looked to her right to see Steve playing outside with two children.  Before, nothing was stopping her from marching out of that house, finding that man and insisting that they be on their way, but seeing him with those two kids took the purpose from her being.  She watched on as he gripped a football in his arms and playfully pushed through the two children, minding his strength and making sure not to harm them as they pushed against him, trying to keep him from advancing.  While laughing he scooped up the young girl in one arm and held her close, the boy now behind him and gripping onto his jeans, yelling boisterously in good fun as Steve dragged him forward.  Once Steve had pushed past an old tree stump, he set the girl down and the boy released his grip, all three of them laughing.  The boy tackled Steve, and Steve theatrically fell down onto the ground.  The kids jumped on top of him, squealing and cheering in their own victory. He could have easily pummeled those children, but he was so gentle.  He looked just like a big kid himself.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, but she shook it away.  Now was not the time to have her heart fluttering.  

“Oh no, you’ve got me!” she heard Steve call a fake cry for mercy, and then he went limp on the ground, playing dead.  He was enjoying himself.  

“Get up!  You’re not hurt!” the boy jeered, but Steve still didn’t move.  “Steve?” the boy sounded worried after a second and stopped attacking the grown man.

“Steve?” the little girl now tried to revive him as she sat on his chest, “Steve, are you dead?” her tone was very skeptical.  Steve suddenly sprung to life and grabbed the two kids, making them squeal, and he gave a hearty laugh.  

It was like something out of one of her dreams.  

“Steve!” she called out to him, having to end the little scene that was pulling at her heartstrings, making her think about what could have been.  He looked up from the ground and saw her standing there.  He got up and excused himself from his smaller playmates and jogged over to her, sensing her distress.

“You’re outside.” He stated the obvious, perhaps surprised to see her.

“We have to go.” She stated, sternly.

“Now?  Why?” he questioned her.

“Two more members of my unit are dead, and still no word from Liz.” She lowered her tone, “We need to go, now.”

“And just what are you going to do?” he questioned her further, and her eyes went wide with disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? My team is dying!  I’m needed! I have to fight!”

“Not yet.” He cut her off, casually.

“What do you mean, not yet?”

“You’re not ready, yet.” He moved the football from his left hand into his right.

“It doesn’t matter! Someone has to go get these sons of bitches before my whole unit dies!”

“Shh!” he shushed her roughly and nodded in the direction of the two children, “Not so loud! You’re going to scare them.  And watch your language.” He reminded her.

“I. Have. To. Go. Now!” she repeated, more hushed this time.

“Steve, toss the ball!” the boy interrupted from where he was standing.  Steve pivoted and tossed the football, showing off his athletic physique.  It flew perfectly to the boy, who caught it with ease.  

“Are you listening?”

“Des, you’re not ready.” He turned back to her.  “You just almost got yourself killed and you’re still healing, are you sure you want to throw yourself back into it?”

“Yes I’m sure!” she snapped.

“Okay, you’re sure?” he leaned in and spoke with a challenging tone, “Come here.” He gripped her arm and pulled her towards the car, which she had not seen since arriving. It was parked on the grass by an old barn, just a few yards away.  She didn’t pull her arm back from his grip and she followed him angrily until he reached the driver door and swung it open, releasing her arm and leaning in to grab something from the console.  She stood there and waited, looking around for the first time, seeing that they were in the middle of nowhere.  It looked so peaceful, like something out of a painting, and yet she still had no idea where she was.  Steve stood back up to face her and showed her what was in his hand, her handgun. “Don’t let the kids see.” He warned her. She stared down at it, seeing how he gripped the barrel and offered the handle for her to grip.  “Take it.”

              She took it from him slowly, feeling the weight of it as he let it go.  It felt foreign, and heavy.  The coolness of it made goosebumps rise on her arm, and her stomach felt like it was in knots. Her lips parted and she drew in a shaky breath.  What was wrong with her?  “Is it loaded?” he asked her.  Why was he asking her that?  Her hand started to tremble, the sound of the gun rattling in her grip hit her ears. She furrowed her brow, not knowing why she was trembling so much.  “Is it loaded?  The weight. Can you tell if it’s loaded?” he asked her more, and she had no answer.  The truth slapped her in the face.  She didn’t know.  She had no clue.  Her hand began to tremble more and she let out a puff of air involuntarily.  Was she panicking?  

“You’re not ready.” Steve snatched the gun back from her and put it back in the car.  She stood there in shock, and in disappointment.  What had happened to her?  Where was her nerve?  He stood back up to face her and stepped closer to her, into her space, making her hold her breath.  “You’re angry.  I get that. You want to help.  You want to return to duty.  But getting yourself killed isn’t going to help anyone.” He paused, “I’m not going to let you do that.  I want to end this just as badly as you do.  But not today.  Not yet.” He took a step back from her.  “You need to relax.”

“Steve?” the young boy called for him again.  He turned and began to walk back towards the children.

“Was it loaded?” she asked him, spitting out the question without thinking, just wanting an answer.

“Do you really think I’d hand you a loaded gun in the state that you’re in?” he turned back to her.  

Shit, he was right to be cautious.

“Come on,” he nodded in the other direction, “Toss the ball with us, it’ll help clear your mind.” She faltered, staying in her spot, eyeing him.  “I know you Des, even though you like to pretend like I don’t.” he let a smirk creep across his lips, “And I know you’re not a fan of children but…you should at least meet them.”

“I just found out members of my unit were murdered, and you want me to go play?  With children?” she was appalled by the idea.

“Why not?” he made it sound so simple.  She finally thought to start walking away from the car, and once they got closer to the children, Des took a sudden turn to the right to walk back up onto the porch, in an attempt to avoid meeting them.  Steve must have expected this, because he gripped her elbow before she could even take a step in the other direction, and proceeded to pull her forward, until she was standing before the young boy and girl.  She looked down at them, showing only mild contempt in her mind, and they stared back up at her, perplexed.  “Guys, this is Desirae.” He introduced them to her, “Desirae, this is Cooper and Lila.” He introduced her to them.  Something about them staring at her made her feel uneasy.  Like they could see right through her.

“Uh…hi.” She realized she had to say something.

“Hello.” The boy, Cooper, replied, not showing much excitement.

“Are you the lady who is staying in our attic?” the little girl, Lila, asked innocently.

“Yes, I am.” Desirae gave a quick answer.

“Dad says you don’t need the air conditioner up there because you’re already so cold.” Cooper spoke, most likely not even sure of the meaning of what he was saying.

“Your dad thinks he’s funny.” Des gave a grim response to the snarky comment.

“Alright, let’s play a game.” Steve quickly changed the subject.  

“Are you a superhero?” Lila asked another question.  Des was struck by her inquiry and furrowed her brow.  She didn’t know how to reply.

“I…uh…”

“She’s a commander,” Steve spoke in a very light tone to Lila as he explained it to her, “So she led a lot of brave people to protect everyone against the bad guys.” She was somewhat flattered by his answer.

“That sounds like a hero to me.” Lila suddenly sported a big smile, showing off the tiny gaps between her teeth.  Des pegged her to be no older than eight years old.  Suddenly, her heart softened, and a warm sensation crept up on her.  

This little girl was sweet. Young, and innocent.  Maybe she wasn’t so bad.  Maybe if she hadn’t lost her baby in the accident, and if it were a girl, she would have been similar to Lila.  Maybe she would have seen her as a hero too.  Her thoughts descended into sadness quickly, wishing she could have changed the past.  But before she could make herself any more depressed, Steve shoved the football into her ribs, knocking her out of her thoughts and back into reality.  She gripped the ball and looked down at it, feeling rather empty inside.  Not in any mood to be playing with these children.  

“I want Desirae on my team!” Lila chirped as she grabbed Des’s elbow, and Des’s eyes shot right down onto the girl’s happy face.  And then she felt a small smile of her own growing across her lips.  Something about Lila was working magic on her gruff and cold façade.

“Steve’s on my team! Boys against girls!” Cooper jogged backwards, preparing for another game.  Des looked up at Steve who was smiling at her. Did he plan this?  

“Okay, let’s play fair, no shoving this time.” Steve told the children as he stepped backwards, lining up with Cooper.  Of course, good old Steve, laying down the rules and making sure everyone played nice.  

              They played with the football for about an hour, Des and Lila trying to get the football past one tree stump and Steve and Cooper trying to run past the other.  It was a simple game, but the children enjoyed it so much that it made the task seem less tedious and more enjoyable.  Once they grew tired of that game, they moved onto hide and seek.  And when Lila found a snake where she was trying to hide, she ran to Des in such a fright that she had practically tried to climb up her like a tree.  The accidental jostling a bumping hurt her a bit, but she didn’t get upset, instead she went over and found the snake, picked it up and tossed it elsewhere.  Lila, who was baffled by Des’s bravery, clung to her like glue for the rest of their time outside.  It initially made Des feel uneasy, but before it could wear her down too much, they were all called inside for dinner.  

              It wasn’t until everyone was sitting at the dinner table that Des actually met Clint’s youngest son, a toddler name Nathan.  The baby was a happy, chubby, practically bald-headed little sprout with rosy cheeks.  Des and Steve sat at one end of the table and watched Clint and Laura orchestrate the event that was eating dinner at the table with three children. Spaghetti noodles were hanging off of plates, tomato sauce smeared on faces and dropped on shirts, Lila spilled her glass of milk which sparked a brief spat between her and Cooper, Clint cleaned up the mess and got her a new glass, Laura fed Nathan and ignored the gobs of baby food that he flung around while bouncing and slapping his hands at his high chair.  Laura eventually gave up on the mushy baby food, explaining how he didn’t like peas and wiped his messy face before taking him out of his high chair and balancing him in one arm while bottle feeding him and managing to put some food in her own mouth.

              It was exhausting just watching the scene unfold. But still, Des started to admire something about Laura and how kind and gentle she was, especially with her children. She wondered if she could have been the same way, which seemed so unreal for her.  Nothing about her was mothering or nurturing, and it was Laura’s second nature. Once the children finished their food, they were excused to go read and settle down for the night, while the adults stayed at the table, along with Nathan who was still enjoying his bottle.

“You sure have your hands full.” Steve mentioned with a smile

“You have no idea,” Clint offered as he sat back in his chair, “Sokovia was a vacation compared to dealing with these little monsters.” Laura playfully slapped her husband’s arm.

“Sokovia?  What happened in Sokovia?” Des asked.

“Oh, you didn’t hear about all of that?  Really?” Clint sounded surprised.

“It’s a long story.” Steve offered, “I’ll fill you in on it later.”

“Tony almost got us all killed with this big murder bot he built name Megatron.”

“Ultron.” Steve corrected him.

“Whatever he was.” Clint laughed.  

“I don’t miss Tony all that much if I’m being honest.” Des spoke up again.  “He gets to make a mess and then look like a hero when he cleans it up. Not to mention he’s a jack…” she caught herself as she saw the children out of the corner of her eye, “A butthead.” She corrected herself.  She heard Steve chuckle from next to her and she turned to see him smiling at her, a bright, shining smile.  It made her heart flutter a bit.  

Wasn’t that how it all got started?  Her hating him, him breaking down her icy walls, making her heart flutter with his charm and his smile.  The memory made her tingle and her jaw tighten.  Was she doomed to repeat history with this man?  She hated to admit it to herself, but seeing him play and have fun with those kids made her melt a bit.  Damn that man for knowing how to coax that softness out of her.  

“Let me help you with the dishes, Laura.” Steve said as he stood up, “And thank you again, it was delicious.” He gave her a compliment as he collected the dirty dishes from the table. Laura smiled wide and her eyes sparkled.  Steve was the ultimate gentleman, as usual.  No woman was safe from his charm, whether they wanted to admit it or not.

“Thank you, Steve!” she turned to Clint, “When’s the last time you helped with the dishes?”

“I get it,” he groaned as he stood up too, “I’m on it.”

“Thank you, honey.” Laura played nice.

“Yeah, yeah…” he bent down and gave her a quick peck on the lips.  

              After everyone retreated to bed, Des laid there and looked at the ceiling, listening to the soft sound of the ceiling fan running and the crickets outside.  Her hand was resting under her shirt, her fingers on one of her scars, feeling the bumps and rough skin under her fingertips.  Under those scars where her hand was resting was once an unborn child, a soul that never got a chance.  Something about seeing these children and Clint and Laura all together as a happy family brought her peace, but at the same time it was ripping her heart to shreds. She could never have that domestic bliss, although she swore she never wanted it before.  She felt like a failure, like a scarred husk of soullessness and shame.  If only she could sleep through the guilt, maybe she would feel better in the morning.

              Her sleep could have been restful if her dreams were not so sweet and sickeningly haunting.  She dreamt she was at a playground on a warm summer day, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, there was a light breeze, it was a fairytale kind of day.  She was pushing a young girl on a swing, being careful not to push too high, watching her pigtails flutter back and forth as she did on that swing.  She couldn’t see her face, but she could feel her body under her hands when she pushed her. She could hear her sweet little voice as she giggled and squealed in joy, calling back to her, “Higher Mommy! Push me higher!” she didn’t know that voice, but she did.  That was the sweet sound of her daughter.  There was joy in her heart and peace in her entire body, and so much love radiating from her for that little human whose face she could not see.  And then she called out again, “Daddy!” she instinctively stopped the swing so the little girl could jump off.  She hurried off of the swing and ran with her tiny frame reaching for someone.  It all played out so slowly.  There was Steve, kneeling with his arms stretched out and a huge grin on his face. He took the little girl in his arms as she wrapped her tiny limbs around him.  He stood up slowly as he placed a kiss on the girl’s cheek.  That was his daughter. That was their child.  He carried the girl as he approached her, smiling, beaming with joy.  They were a family.  She reached for the tiny girl, to turn her, to see her face.  She so desperately needed to see her face.

A loud bang awoke her with a jolt.  Her eyes flew open, seeing nothing but darkness and blurry lines.  Then a bright flash, and another bang.  It was storming.  She had to get a grip on her surroundings.  She sat up, out of breath, sweating, remembering where she was.  The attic.  Clint’s farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  It was just a dream.  A vivid, tormenting dream.  Was this a sign?  Was that soul she lost destined to be a beautiful daughter?  She never got to see her face.  Her brain was spinning, trying to recall the memories of that faceless little girl.  Memories of Steve, his happiness, their happiness.  Memories of something that never happened, and never would happen.  

Thank goodness for the storm.  The rain and thunder played a song on the outside of the house, loud enough to drown out the sound of her pitiful sobbing.

Next chapter here.

@fay-1994  @ellebelle2016

[thatfanficstuff]

The Flirt - Steve Rogers

Pairing: Steve x Gender Neutral!Reader

Warning: it’s so fluffy

You raked a hand through your hair and yawned as you made your way to the kitchen in the tower. You'd been an Avenger for six months and had fallen into your own routine. Part of that routine was that you rose early and went to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee before the hooligans got up. By that you meant specifically Tony and Clint. And Pietro, man could that guy be annoying. No, at this hour you could savor your morning coffee and your breakfast. If anyone joined you it was usually Steve, Bucky or Natasha. All of whom were content to just enjoy the peace of the morning. Sometimes if you were feeling generous you made food for everyone. Usually you weren't that nice.

Your steps stuttered briefly as the kitchen came into view and your mouth curled up in a smile. Steve Rogers was at the stove making breakfast. You took a moment to run your eyes over him while no one was here to catch you. Even before you'd joined the Avengers, you'd had a soft spot for Captain America. But now that you lived with him and interacted with him on a daily basis, you had a whole new appreciation for the star spangled man with a plan.

Truth be told, you had more than a slight crush on your fearless leader. You might even go so far as to say you were in love with him. Not to him of course. You'd never admit that to him. No, instead you flirted and grinned when you made him blush. He was so cute when he did that. You bit back a sigh. And just to make sure that he didn't realize you were flirting with him because you liked him, you teased and taunted and kept it as light as possible. You could take on Hydra without blinking but couldn't tell your crush you loved him. You had issues.

Shaking your head to bring yourself out of your wanton admiration of your favorite super hero, you cleared your throat to get his attention. You grinned at Steve when he glanced up and he smiled back. "Need some help with that, Captain?" The last word left you in a throaty purr out of habit. You weren't certain you could even say it in a normal tone anymore. 

Steve's cheeks flared red and he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "Sure, if you want."

You hummed and moved over to stand behind him. You didn't touch him but you leaned close enough you could feel the heat that radiated from him body. You peeked at the stove to see he was making pancakes. Your gaze darted up to see his face was even more red than it had been. A smirk covered your face as you turned to the fridge. You dug around before glancing over your shoulder taking the opportunity for a quick look at his ass before speaking. 

"Kisses?" you asked. 

He spun, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. "I'm sorry?"

"Kisses," you repeated innocently as you showed him the bag of mini chocolate kisses someone had left in the fridge. 

His eyes darted between your face and the bag in your hand. Finally, he nodded even as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. "Yeah. That sounds good."

Before you could make another flirty response, Bucky walked into view. "Good morning," he muttered as he shuffled to the coffee pot. 

Your eyes stayed locked with Steve's for a moment longer before you turned your attention to his best friend. "Hey, Buck. How'd you sleep?"

After breakfast, you always headed to the gym. You liked to spend thirty to forty minutes working by yourself before your actual training started. Today you wrapped your hands and set to work on one of the punching bags. When the door opened half an hour later you turned to see Steve. You smiled at him as you stepped away from the bag and grabbed your water. 

Today was your day to train with the Captain. "How are we working up a sweat today, Steve?" you asked innocently, though your tone was anything but. 

He blushed again before he set his jaw and cleared his throat. "We're sparring today, Y/N. Remember?"

You bit back a groan. Sparring with Steve was always exhausting. Physically because he was a super soldier and emotionally because you spent the whole session in close proximity with him. The two of you squared up to one another, exchanging jabs and blocking punches. You couldn't help but feel a little proud that Steve had to try harder to keep up with you. When you'd first started training, he barely broke a sweat.

Steve took advantage of your mind being elsewhere to pin you to the mat. "Damn it," you said and smacked the mat with your palm. You hated when your partner got the better of you. Steve tilted his head and grinned. "Keep your head in the fight, Y/L/N. If I was the enemy, you'd be dead."

He hopped to his feet and grabbed your hand to pull you to yours. As he was prone to do, he forgot his own strength and pulled you too far, causing you to stumble into his chest. You sucked in a breath and looked up at him before grinning. "Well, now that you have me here, soldier, whatever are you going to do with me?"

Steve grunted and moved away as his face flared that familiar shade of red once more. He raked an angry hand through his hair. "Why do you do that, Y/N? You're always flirting, making innuendos. Don't you think--"

You grabbed his face in your hands and surged forward to press your lips to his. Steve froze beneath your onslaught. It took you longer than you liked to realize he wasn't kissing you back. He wasn't reaching for you. He was just standing there as if waiting for you to finish.

You pulled back slowly to find him staring at you, his mouth gaped open. You swore you could almost hear your heart shatter. What had you done? You sucked in a breath to keep from sobbing and ran from the room, ignoring Steve when he called your name. 

You'd asked Jarvis to keep your location a secret as you moved around the building. He'd done one better and warned you when someone appeared to be approaching your location. You didn't stay anyplace very long, not wanting to be found. Not today. You knew you would have to face Steve eventually but today you just wanted to wallow in your self pity. Maybe tomorrow you would be able to put on a smile and pretend that kiss had all been part of the game. Right now, you just wanted to be left alone.

You pulled your knees up to your chest and stared out at the city. You had always loved the view from the roof.  It was peaceful to see the life around you but not be able to hear most of it. You leaned your head against the wall behind you and glanced over when you heard the door open, quickly shifting your gaze back to the view. The only problem with being out here is there was no way for Jarvis to warn you of an impending visitor.

"Jarvis finally gave me up, huh?" you asked as Steve sat beside you, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"Clint saw you on the way to his nest," he answered, a hint of humor in his voice.

"Barton," you grunted. "Should have guessed."

The two of you sat in silence for a long time. Occasionally you felt Steve's eyes on you but every time you glanced over, he was looking at the view again.

"You did a good job of hiding," he said when he finally spoke. "I had everyone looking for you."

Your lips twisted into a smile. "Jarvis might have helped," you confessed.

Steve laughed, the rich sound rolling through you. "That's what had Tony so out of sorts, I guess."

You stretched your legs out next to Steve's and tangled your fingers together in your lap. You kept your eyes on your hands. "Listen, Steve. About that kiss. I'm really sorry. I know it--"

This time it was the Captain that cut you off. He grasped your chin and turned your face toward his before pressing his lips against yours. You sucked in a breath of surprise then kissed him back. 

When the two of you finally separated to get some much needed air, he pressed his forehead against yours. "That kiss was well overdue," he said. He grasped one of your hands in his own. "Listen, Y/N. I'm an idiot."

You pulled back to look at him only for him to hook a hand around the back of your neck and tug you forward into another kiss. "I went from a skinny kid that would probably faint if a someone sincerely gave him the time of day to fighting in a war to being frozen in the ice. I woke up and started saving the world. What I'm saying is you've been driving me nuts with all your flirting and I didn't know how to react. So I got uncomfortable and angry. Mainly because I fell in love with you sometime around our second mission together and didn't know what to do about it."

You sucked in a breath and your heart sped. "Did you just say you love me, Captain?"

He looked down before meeting your gaze again with a smile. "I believe I did, Y/L/N."

You laid a hand along the side of his face as you closed the distance between you. When only a breath separated your lips you paused. "Well, that's a hell of a coincidence because I love you too, soldier."

Your lips met in another heated kiss and the two of you stayed where you were until the sun went down and long past. You kissed, and talked, and cuddled. The only interruption being when Clint came by with pizza and beer just as you two started getting hungry. 

From that day on, you were still a flirt with your Captain. As it turned out, however, you were usually the one left blushing after one of his heated kisses. And you didn't mind in the least.

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