#i was like 15 and at the time it was the wildest thing i’d done because my dad and i drove down to stockholm after he finished work

[nebulaedaniel]

it’s been s e v e n years since tatinof ended hello???? excuse me???

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

219 of 2023

This seems to be TMI  again XD

#1 Tell me about the most embarrassing or awkward experience you’ve had around me *even if it’s silly* that you’ve never told me about yet?

I don’t even know you.

#2 If you were to lose your power of speech tonight, what’s the one thing you would want to tell me?

Kiss my fkn ass, not literally.

#3 Which is the first region your eyes would wander to if you were to ever see me naked?

The nearest wall.

#4 What style & color underwear do you currently have on?

Normal one, black.

#5 If I’m feeling horny when you’re around, do you think you’d realize it? And how do you think you’d recognize the signs?

Probably if I’d notice something or feel it. And I would want neither.

#6 If I caught you masturbating in bed, would you blush awkwardly and accept that I caught you, or would you pretend like you were doing something that you obviously weren’t doing?

Oh my God. I don’t even want to think about it. I’d be so embarrassed.

#7 What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever done to someone to get back at them?

Can’t think of anything right now.

#8 When was the first time you had a wet dream?

I don’t know, maybe I was 15.

#9 Have you ever played doctor as a child? With whom did you play and how old were you?

I don’t think so.

#10 What is your wildest sexual secret that you want to indulge in at least once in your lifetime?

Maybe I’m curious about one certain guy, but I don’t think I’d ever act on it.

#11 Have you ever been caught naked by someone?

Thankfully not.

#12 Have you ever found something valuable on the street and kept it for yourself even though you knew you could return it to the owner?

No, nothing really valuable.

#13 What is the most embarrassing moment you’ve experienced in your lifetime?

Getting hard in front of the guy I liked. I still hope he hasn’t noticed.

#14 Can you tell me your funniest childhood memory that you can remember?

Do inside jokes with my friends and sister count? Still, you need to speak Dutch in order to understand them.

#15 What are the things about yourself that you particularly like and what is the one thing you don’t particularly like? *Physical and psychological asset*

I’m not the biggest fan of my body in general. What I like? I’m non-judgemental.

#16 Which is the one word in your vocabulary that you use excessively?

Mo godverdomme toch.

#17 Do you think you could punch someone and knock them off their senses?

Probably, but not with my left hand anymore. µNot gonna try anyway.

#18 If you had to make out with a friend of the same sex to save the world from aliens, whom would you pick?

My husband lol. He’s my best friend and we’re in same sex marriage, so problem solved.

#19 Which sex toys have you experimented with so far, and which ones would you want to stay away from?

I’ve tried one, didn’t really like it, and anything else is not interesting to me.

#20 Strangest place you have had sex or “fooled around’ at:

Does our car count?

#21 Have you ever had a secret crush on any of your teachers or friends, and have they ever got to know about it?

Yes, twice on my friends, I was in relationships with them, and one of them is my husband now.

#22 If we had kids together someday in the future, what features/characteristics from you would you hope they would inherit?

No kids, thanks. Especially not with a stranger.

#23 When was the last time you felt possessive?

Probably never.

#24 Have you ever eavesdropped/or peeked at someone without the noticing?

I’m not interested in private details of people’s lives.

#25 Personally, do you think size matters in reality?

Yea. The smaller, the less painful. For real.

#26 If you had no choice, how many days do you think you could abstain from sex or masturbation at a stretch?

Several months. I’m not a teenager anymore.

#27 What gets you wet faster, phone sex or sexting?

Jesus, no. Such things completely turn me off.

#28 While having sex, would you prefer getting on top or staying down in bed?

Staying down so I can peacefully zone out.

#29 Have you ever stripped for someone?

Nope. nless undressing in front of my husband to take a shower counts.

#30 If you had to explain about the birds and the bees to a child, let me hear how you’d go about explaining it to them?

I wouldn’t. Thankfully we don’t have kids and my husband’s son is almost 17, so I guess he knows this and that.

#31 Who is the biggest jerk/bitch you’ve ever come across in your life and why?

That Romanian dude at our work nobody really likes. Which is weird because we have other Romanian workers here and they’re a bunch of awesome guys.

#32 Have you ever accidentally and yet intentionally kissed someone or tried kissing someone?

No. Someone did that to me, though, and I hated it.

#33 Have you ever had sex in a dressing room?

No, I haven’t.

#34 If the world froze for an afternoon and only you could move and no one could see you or remember what you did, what would you do?

If you expect answers like “jerk off in public”, then I’m gonna disappoint you.

#35 What’s your routine every night just before you go to sleep?

Putting the TV on.

[mxdarling]

[Dialogue list]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

1. "We’re meant to be together, I don’t care what obstacles I need to crush."

2. "You’re weak. You need me."

3. "Put that down! You'll hurt yourself with that."

4. "It’s okay, I know you’re just not used to being cared for so much."

5. "I’m not going to live in this world if I can’t have you! There’s no point!"

6. "I didn’t quite hear that, care to repeat yourself?"

7. "I really can’t take it when you cry like that… smile for me, alright? You’re so pretty when you smile."

8. "Do I need to remind you what happened last time you acted out? Because I will if you keep pushing me."

9. "Don’t think of it as a ‘punishment’… it’s more of a lesson."

10. "Think of it like this. You’re my favorite pet, and I have to make sure you can never run away!"

11. "Well would you look at that. You can listen."

12. "Why live such a mundane life when I can give you one beyond your wildest imagination."

13. "You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t so goddamn reckless."

14. "You should really learn not to speak so rudely to a being more powerful than yourself."

15. "I made us a scrapbook! It’s mostly pictures of you, but we’ll take more!"

16. "I didn’t quite hear that, care to repeat yourself?"

17. "Stay still, you look so ethereal like this."

18. "Just forget about them, alright? I know it’s going to be hard, but you can’t think about them anymore."

19. "Hurting you is the last thing I’d do, you know that."

20. "Taking you away from the human world was the only way to save you."

21. "I was always told humans were made from temptations, I never thought I’d fall for such a pathetic thing but I guess I have."

22. "No! I’m not going anywhere and neither are you! We’re stuck together now, I’ll make sure of it."

23. "Look, this is for the best. You don’t understand now, but you will."

24. "Cruel, terrible people live out there, people who want to hurt you. Is it so bad to be away from them?"

25. "Well would you look at that. You can listen."

26. "You don’t have to love me back."

27. "It’s for the greater good. You’re too dangerous to be left alone."

28. "Good pets get rewarded, so behave."

29. "Why live such a mundane life when I can give you one beyond your wildest imagination."

30. "Did you miss me? Because I really missed you."

31. "It’s pretty, right? I hope you think so, too. You’ll be seeing it a lot more than I will."

32. "I thought we agreed you weren’t going to do that anymore."

33. "Don’t you fucking dare. You know you can’t outrun me."

34. "Damn it why can’t you just love me back?"

35. "Some people just aren’t meant to take care of themselves."

36. "I’m doing this for us."

37. "See? It’s not as uncomfortable as it could be, right?"

38. "You weren’t afraid of me when you thought I was human, so why are you so afraid of me now?"

39. "Please don’t leave. I promise I’ll fix this just―don’t leave me here alone."

40. "How could you say that to me? I’ve done everything for you!"

41. "What do you mean why did I kill them? They were a pain in the ass anyways. All they ever did was try taking you away."

42. "Now, don’t be like that… this is your fault, after all."

43. "Stop struggling, you’re only hurting yourself."

44. "I can't live without you. I would lose it!"

45. "You shouldn’t be afraid of big ol’ me."

46. "You can’t do anything to save them, it is ultimately my decision whether they live or die."

47. "Be good for me this time. I don’t want to see you cry again."

48. "No matter how hard you fight, you’ll always be mine."

49. "Why should anyone else get to look at you? You’re above them."

50. "Well… maybe if you were better behaved I wouldn’t have to stoop to such levels…"

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

[ohhipstaplease]

idk if you're still doing prompts but nh + fluff 15? I'm sorry about all the fluff pieces but I live for fluff 😅

I’m sorry if it isn’t as fluffy as usual but I HAD to write something Team 8 centric to soothe my soul today. I can see this turning into a full fanfic though...at some point (I promise)

Fluff #15: “She’s/he’s not my boyfriend!”

After Hinata confesses to Naruto—and her “I love you” goes right over his head—Kiba takes matters into his hands to (finally) get the two idiots together.

Post Pain-Arc | Canon Divergence | Jealous (!) Naruto | Ao3

“You look cute today,” Kiba said nonchalantly to his teammate as she walked towards him. 

The Hyuga beauty had uncharacteristically pulled her hair up onto the top of her head in a high ponytail, her delicate features now on display for the world to see.

Hinata, already used to Kiba’s compliments, didn’t bat an eye when he said it, she simply responded, “Thank you! I just wanted to try something a little different,” She patted Akamaru’s head in greeting, the gentle giant licking her palm as she giggled.

Kiba took the opportunity to sneak up behind her and pull on her ponytail slightly, wanting to fix the slight hairs that were sticking out. He adjusted the simple lavender tie she had placed upon the top of it for good measure as well. 

Had anyone happened upon the pair, they probably would have thought there was more between them than a simple friendship, but they were used to it. Hinata didn’t even try to push him off, she simply let him fix her hair and looked up at him with a thankful smile when he was finished.

They were meeting up to have lunch, a much needed distraction after all the chaos that had ensued in the village during Pain’s attack. Unfortunately Shino was unable to join the pair for a well-deserved day off, leaving them to their own devices.

Kiba nodded as he stepped back and appreciated his work, “I like it. I’m sure Naruto will too,” He smirked.

She exhaled, her cheeks red and splotchy, “We’re not going to let it go, are we?”

“Hinata, you confessed to him.”

“It was in the middle of battle...spur of the moment,” She tried, suddenly regretting admitting to Kiba and Shino that she had, in fact, told the love of her life, Naruto Uzumaki, her true feelings for him. She knew they’d never let it go, not until Naruto gave her an answer either way. 

She just wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. Even if he was ready to face what she had said to him head-on, “Besides,” she mumbled, “he didn’t even acknowledge it...”

“You told him you loved him...you literally died for him. How could the idiot not see it?”

She shrugged pathetically, “It is what it is, don’t worry, Kiba.”

He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets when suddenly it hit him. An idea so genius, even Shino had to approve. Akamaru, sensing that Kiba was about to say something Shino would in fact not approve of, whined and hit his master gently on his leg with his paw. 

Kiba ignored him, knowing that what he had in mind was just too perfect not to share, “Hinata?”

“Yes?”

“What if...what if we made Naruto jealous? Just to make him see what he’s missing.”

“W-what?”

“It’s the oldest trick in the book, Hyuga,” He took her hand into his as if he had done it millions of times before, “We go on a fake date, act all cute and shit, and when he sees us together he’ll magically realize his feelings for you. You know, because someone else has what he thought was his and all that bullshit?”

“You’re insane.”

“I know what boys are like, Hinata.”

She looked down at their interlaced fingers and sighed, “You’re sure this will work?”

“If it doesn’t, I’ll pay for lunch.”

“And dessert?”

“As many cinnamon rolls as your heart desires.”

Hinata exhaled and nodded, “Alright. I mean, there’s nothing left to lose, right?”

“That’s the spirit!” 

Kiba led Hinata forward, Akamaru following close behind. He was sure his plan was going to work, after all, he barely had enough to cover his portion of lunch. That alone should have proved how confident Kiba was that he’d get Naruto and Hinata to finally acknowledge their feelings for each other. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Okay, just follow my lead,” Kiba said as he spotted Naruto at his usual stool at Ichiraku. 

“Naruto! How are you? Healing up okay?” Kiba asked as he sat down next to the blonde, his hand still in Hinata’s.

Naruto squinted at them, tilting his head, “I-I’m fine. Thanks for asking...”

“That’s good to hear, we all deserve some time off after that mess, right Hinata?”

Hinata didn’t dare meet Naruto’s gaze, simply nodded and pretended as if he wasn’t even there. 

“Two bowls of pork miso ramen, please!” Akamaru barked and Kiba smiled down at him, “Oh right, it’s a special occasion. Make that three bowls!”

“Special occasion?” Naruto asked.

“Nothing you have to worry about, just celebrating a certain someone saying yes to a question I asked,” He said, looking at Hinata.

Naruto’s cheeks grew redder by the second as he studied them, “W-what?”

“I asked Hinata to be my girlfriend,” Kiba said, holding up her hand in his, “And she said yes.” He roughly pulled her into his embrace and pressed his cheek to hers, “Isn’t it great?”

Akamaru groaned behind the three, trying to ignore what was happening before him. It was getting a little too painful to watch. Kiba had never been known for his tact after all.

“So you two...are...dating?”

Hinata tried to interject, feeling sick over everything that was unfolding, “N-no we-” 

Kiba quickly slapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth and laughed, “Yeah! I confessed to her right after we got back to the village. I mean, it just seemed to be the right time and all, considering everything that happened.”

Naruto let out a breath and instead of continuing the conversation further, he flagged down Teuchi, “Old man, how much do I owe you?”

Teuchi quickly put up a hand and waved Naruto off, “Oh, no, we could never charge the village hero. Not after everything. Consider it on the house.”

Naruto nodded solemnly, gave a glance Kiba and Hinata’s way, and quickly turned to leave.

“Kiba!” Hinata said in a panic, “That definitely couldn’t have been a part of your plan!”

Kiba huffed, “Yeah...I didn’t think he’d just walk away like that. Maybe we need to try a different-”

Hinata ignored Kiba and decided to take matters into her own hands, what she should have done in the first place, really.

She got up from her seat, a flustered mess, and chased after Naruto. She screamed out without thinking, “Naruto-Kun!”

His head turned immediately towards her, his brow furrowed in confusion, “Hinata?”

“Naruto-” She panted, attempting to catch her breath as she caught up to him. 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you on...” He took a breath as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, a pout playing upon his lips, “Aren’t you on a date with your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She yelled out, a little too passionately.

Naruto stifled a laugh at how ridiculously cute she looked. Her ponytail was slightly askew, her cheeks flushed and her lips ridiculously red from her biting her bottom lip. He had been biding his time since he had returned from the village, waiting to approach Hinata and talk about everything that had happened. About what she had said to him.

“Then why did he...”

Hinata sighed, so clearly embarrassed for going along with it. But...she quickly realized that Naruto was...jealous? She could see it in his eyes, the way he acted back at Ichiraku. He was clearly bothered by what had happened. Kiba was actually...right.

So she gathered her courage and firmly asked, “Why do you care?”

“Huh?”

“Whether or not Kiba and I are dating....why do you care?”

Naruto furrowed his brow, “I don’t, I-I just,” He groaned, “Hinata, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter!”

“Why!?”

“I told you I loved you!”

Naruto looked at her wide-eyed, clearly in shock. Of course he knew she had confessed her feelings, but...they were also in the middle of a battle. He thought that...that maybe it wasn’t true. It was an adrenaline-fueled confession that she would walk back the moment they got back. That maybe...maybe she meant she loved him like she loved her teammates. That he was her precious friend, just as Sakura and Sasuke were his. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that the girl he���d always taken notice of always wanted to protect had been watching him too. That he’d grow to want to take care of her, to ensure she was okay. He didn’t know what that meant then, but he did now.

He didn’t understand his feelings until that day, in the midst of battle, and it killed him to think it took them nearly dying for him to comprehend that what he felt for her was far greater than friendship. 

“I-I know...” He managed to mutter, “It was just such a crazy day, Hinata. I thought that maybe I misheard you, or that you didn’t mean it in the way you did. I didn’t want to embarrass you by bringing it up again. I mean...we haven’t even talked since we got back.”

“Then let’s talk,” She said, looking down and shyly placing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I-I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

Naruto grabbed the same hand Kiba had intertwined in his earlier, and claimed it as his, protectively interlacing his fingers in hers and squeezing her hand for good measure. 

It wasn’t like with Kiba at all, Hinata realized. Her heartbeat was out of time, her knees felt weak. Feeling Naruto under her touch was nearly too much for her to handle.

“Oh..um...” Naruto blushed as he met her gaze, “I really like your hair up, you know?”

“O-oh,” She smiled as she looked away, unable to look at him head on.

“It’s really cute.”

“T-thank you.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, of course. Um, why don’t we go get something sweet, yeah? We can talk at the tea shop?”

“Okay.”

The pair, hands still intertwined, walked toward the tea shop, a blush upon each of their faces.

Kiba, watching from outside Ichiraku, smiled to himself as he said to Akamaru, “See boy, it all went exactly as I said it would. Didn’t it? Next thing you know, we’ll be helping Hinata pick out a wedding dress.”

Akamaru rolled his eyes and continued eating from the offered bowl of ramen. It was better to let Kiba think he had won this round.

“Ah, first love,” Kiba sighed dreamily as he sat back down on his stool, “I can’t wait to see it all play out.”

[rp-meme-central]

Charlotte’s Web - sentence starters

1. “______, don’t! Don’t kill it! It’s unfair!” 

2. “Control myself?! This is a matter of life and death, and you talk about controlling myself?!” 

3. “I don’t know how to say the things I’m thinking of, but the something more I’m feeling must be love.” 

4. “I can talk! I can talk! I can actually, factually talk!”

5. “I don’t want food, I want a friend.” 

6. “I prefer to spend my time spying, and hiding, and eating.” 

7. “I don’t wanna die! I don’t wanna die!” 

8. “Yes, I want a friend, but I want to live, too.” 

9. “I’ll be your friend, and I’ll try to save your life. I’ve been watching you, and I like you.” 

10. “Salutations are greetings. It’s my fancy way of saying ‘hello’.” 

11. “Well, I am pretty. Almost all ______ are nice looking. I’m not as flashy as some, but I’ll do.” 

12. “I’m glad you’re here, ______. Will you stay for a long, long time?” 

13. “A _____’s life is an uncertain thing, but I promise you I’ll stay as long as I can.” 

14. “If it bothers you so, ______, I’ll eat it after you’re asleep.” 

15. “Be careful! A rotten egg can be a regular stink-bomb!” 

16. “Oh! It’s big out here!” 

17. “It it big, and it is frightening at times, but on the whole, the world is a wonderful place.” 

18. “I’ve never seen a _______ that tiny. There must be something wrong with him/her/them.” 

19. “We’ve got lots in common where it really counts. Where it really counts, we’ve got large amounts.” 

20. “What we look like doesn’t count an ounce, ‘cause we’ve got lots in common where it really counts.” 

21. “I’d love to go swimming with you, but I don’t swim.” 

22. “I plan to save your life by playing a trick on ______.” 

23. “Sometimes when somebody loves you, miracles somehow appear.” 

24. “If people start doubting the miracle, do you think my life will still be saved?” 

25. “You are no bother to me, ______. You are my one true friend.” 

26. “I forbid you to faint.” 

27. “Don’t worry, _____. It’s character that counts, and you have a very good character.” 

28. “I think you should come too, ______. I might need someone to run errands and do general work.” 

29. “I like high living. What you say tempts me.” 

30. “Go to the fair, ______. You will find that it will surpass your wildest dreams.” 

31. “Kindly remember that I’m hiding down here, and I don’t want to be stepped on, or kicked in the face, or crushed, or bruised, or lacerated, or scarred, or biffed.” 

32. “I hope you’re satisfied. I came to this fair to enjoy myself, not to deliver papers.” 

33. “What makes you sound so downhearted? I should think you’d be terribly happy.” 

34. “I don’t want you to worry about me. This is your big day.” 

35. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself. It would serve you right if you had an acute attack of indigestion.” 

36. “It’s a beautiful medal, ______. And you deserve it.” 

37. “I’m done for, ______. In a while, I’ll be dead.” 

38. “This thtuff thticks in my mouth. It’s worth than caramel candy.” 

39. “I’m going away. I can’t stand it here! This place is too full of memories, and all of _______’s children are gone.” 

40. “Chin up. This is a nice place. Stay here with me.” 

[specificocean33]

Ｔｈｅ Ｓｐｏｒｅｓ

Ｋｉｒｉｓｈｉｍａ ｘ Ｒｅａｄｅｒ

2: ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ; ʜɪꜱ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ

A Zombie Apocalypse AU. Just a little idea I had. I’ll be writing a total of 3 parts (subject to change,) but anyways here’s the second :) I hope you enjoy it.

The next few hours over to the West District were certainly much livelier than before. Indeed, Kirishima was like the physical embodiment of a golden retriever. His optimism and charisma was contagious, but damn you if you weren’t looking for a cure.

At least Mateo seemed to have cheered up. You were trying your best to allow the anger and sadness eat you alive, but Kirishima was unknowingly beating away your negative emotions with his stupid jokes and his ability to get along with others.

Damn him.

When you finally arrived at the West District after 2 hours, you paid the entrance fee and made your way inside. You decided to trust Kirishima and have him take 25$ and look for a hotel for you all to stay at. You took Mateo to the nearby pawn shop to look for something interesting for him for his birthday.

The West District is a shopping district of sorts; weaponry, food, armor, car parts, gun parts, and other sorts of odds and ends can be found here. That’s why it was one of the most crowded and most populated Districts. That’s also what made it incredibly easy to be stolen. You had Mateo hold your hand the entire time, lest he or you be stolen.

Before you all separated, you swallowed your feelings and opened the car trunk. Your mother’s shotgun was entirely normal. As a matter of fact, the only identifying factor was a Sakura flower keychain hanging from it. You frowned before handing it over to Kirishima, along with some crumpled up currency.

“If you lose this, you’ll be getting the shit beat out of you twice today,” you growled before firmly placing the gun in Kirishima’s hands.

He gulped and nodded, “Of course. It wouldn’t be very manly of me to lose someone else’s property. I’ll be sure to return it to you, safe and sound.”

“Look…when you’re done, we’ll be at one of the pawn shops. I don’t have a phone, and I assume yours got stolen, if you had one at all-”

Strangely, Kirishima didn’t clarify if he had a phone at all to begin with.

“-So just look around. All the pawn shops are clumped together anyway.”

“Okay!” He said with a bright smile. “See you soon!”

You weren’t sure why you were trusting him so much. There was just something so….likable about him. You weren’t sure what though.

Keeping a firm grip on Mateo, you both managed to safely make your way to the pawn shop section of the District. You settled on the first one that you saw, a shabby little shop called Lucky’s Pawn Shop, and followed Mateo around as he looked for another sticker or color of spray paint. (Mateo loved to vandalize buildings, and seeing as how they were all one boring color, you allowed it. No one really cared anyway.)

The entire pawn shop was filled with odd things. All four walls had shelves full of gears, books, broken and whole toys, candle sticks, and other things. The floorspace was taken up by tables and desks of equally odd things. Mangas, comics, novels, old action figures and other such things filled the store.

After about 30 minutes of “I like this color, (Y/N)!” “No, that color’s ugly. Pick another one.” And “Check out this cool sticker, isn’t it from that show you used to watch?” “Yes, but today’s for you. Pick something you want,” Kirishima came bounding into the shop, and seemed genuinely insulted that you were surprised to see him again.

“What? Did you think I was gonna steal from the people who did me a favor? What kind of unmanly scum do you take me for?” He crossed his arms and was very huffy about the whole thing. You found it endearing.

You laughed, “Sorry, sorry. At least you’re back now. Why don’t you help Mateo pick out a color? He’s been struggling and frankly all the colors he picks are lowkey ugly,” you said, pointing at the shelf of half used and cap less spray paint cans.

There were quite a few shades at this shop, which was sort of uncommon.

“Hmm…how about this super cool red, little bro?” Kirishima grinned, pointing at a fiery shade of crimson.

You sighed. You should have known he’d go for some shade of red.

“Oh! I like it. I only have orange and yellow, so I needed a red anyway. Can I get it, (Y/N)?”

“Fine. At least it wasn’t that throw up shade of green,” you mumbled before taking the can in one hand and Mateo’s in the other.

“It’s called ARMY GREEN!” He exclaimed in and exasperated tone.

You winked at Kirishima, he smiled and his cheeks flushed slightly pink.

“Yeah yeah whatever. Army green, throw up green, same difference. It’s all green. Ugly colors regardless.”

Mateo shot you a look before you set the can on the front counter. An old woman was bent over so she didn’t see you right away. When you cleared your throat to get her attention, she bumped her head under the desk and let out a series of curses before lifting her head up, one robotic arm rubbing the spot where she had hurt herself, and the other gripping the counter for support.

This woman had the wildest white hair you had ever seen. She wore a pair of googles on her head, which had a wire coming out of it and trailing in the floor. She blinked a few times, before smiling kindly.

“Oh hello there. Is this all you wanted,” she asked examining the can before looking back at you.

“Yes, that’s all. How much were you wanting for it?”

“Hmm…this particular shade was actually made by me, so it’s a full unused can. 5$ and 3 pieces of copper wire.”

You almost choked. Currency AND wire? Was she insane?

Mateo looked slightly saddened, and Kirishima a little confused.

“Umm…copper wire?” Kirishima whispered into your ear;You jumped, startled. His voice caught you off guard, and you nodded, your cheeks flushed.

“Might I offer 6$ and 1 piece of copper wire?” You asked, turning away from Kirishima, trying not to look at Mateo.

“Hmm…” the old woman crossed her arms and pondered for a moment, “How about 3$ and 3 wires?”

You sighed. You really wanted to give the woman less copper wire, but it seemed there was no help for it.

“Alright. Deal,” you mumbled, reaching into your back pocket and extracting the payment she wanted.

15 minutes later, Mateo was grinning and staring at his new paint can on his bed. The hotel Kirishima managed to find was rather nice. You had half a mind to ask how he managed to get a room with a working bathroom, kitchen, and 3 twin beds to boot, all for 25$, but you decided to ask him a little later.

You shooed Mateo off to shower and promised to find something nice to eat for dinner, before sitting Kirishima down at the kitchen table.

He seemed nervous.

“Alright. So I need to know for how long we’re gonna be traveling together for.” You said bluntly.

“W-wow. Straight to the point, huh?” He laughed nervously.

“I have nothing to hide, and as you can see, we’re sort of broke. I can’t afford to have another person around, no offense. Mateo is my priority and I need to know how long we’re gonna have you around.”

“W-well…okay look,” he sighed rubbing his face with his hands, “I…I’m a runaway.”

You leaned forward on the table.

“A runaway? From who? Are you dangerous? Elaborate.”

“Umm…well…my parents are Buyers. I…I ran away 3 days ago.”

Buyers. The worst kinds of people on this godforsaken planet.

Buyers are the people who buy from Kidnappers. It would make sense why Kirishima would want to leave that life, but that would only mean one thing.

Kirishima was originally from a White Zone.

“You’re…from a White Zone?” You asked.

“Yes. My parents bought freshly Contaminated and…did terrible things to them. I don’t want to talk about what they did, it was just awful, but I think you can see why I wanted nothing to do with that life.”

You felt sort of bad for him, he looked distraught.

“Then…you have nowhere to go?” You asked.

“Well, not necessarily. Whenever things got sort of bad, I’d leave for a bit and I’ve found some friends. They live in the East District, but the thing is, I’d always come back. This time…I haven’t, obviously. They sent someone to come get me, but they robbed me instead, probably to extort more money from my parents.”

“How come you don’t have a bounty on you then?” You were beginning to get somewhat concerned. Harboring a White Zone resident could mean terrible trouble that you really couldn’t handle. Not to mention a lot of running away from bounty hunters and other scum.

“My parents didn’t like me all that much to begin with. They were mainly mad I didn’t agree with their actions, and they didn’t like that I spoke up about it. They want me back because they won’t have to put up a front, but at the same time, not having me home makes it easier on them. They want an obedient child, and that’s not me,” he said, not meeting your eyes.

“So…no one is looking for you, then?” You asked nervously.

“No, no I don’t think so. This is…super unmanly of me to ask, but…can I stay with you two? Just for a little bit? I’ve got some contacts around here who still think I’m living with my parents, and I can get some money for you guys, I’ll make sure to pay you back for helping me, I swear! Just…please, let me stay?” He was pleading with you, looking you deep in your eyes.

His crimson eyes bore into yours, and for the life of you, you couldn’t find it within your heart to deny him.

How entirely unfair. He was dangerous and you knew it. Mateo needed to be kept safe but….

He needed help. You enjoyed his company.

You decided to trust him.

“I-…o-okay. Just…please, don’t put Mateo in any danger. He’s the only family I have left, please,” you said quietly, clasping your hands together.

Kirishima smiled the brightest smile you’d ever seen him muster, before standing up. Before you knew what was happening, he had you crushed in a hug.

“I promise!”

Ｅｎｄ ｏｆ Ｐａｒｔ ２

[shark-myths]

Fic Writer Review

thanks for the tag, @setting-in-a-honeymoon !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60! which is a lot, and also doesn’t include the fics i orphaned from an old fandom (a controversial decision to me, by me)

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

867,941

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

so many throughout history, and some i’m sure i’ve forgotten. and yes, i’ve been writing RPF since age 13 and am developmentally stunted as a result. smallville, x-men, lotr, afi, fall out boy, battlestar galactica, mcu, iron man, marina del rey, mcr, star trek, supernatural, p!atd, and now the latest blessed sinkhole, cobra kai.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Stranger Danger

From Russia With Love

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV

Boys Next Door/Assholes

Jet Black Crow

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh, I really mean to, i swear. but I have 340 in my inbox that I haven’t responded to. I appreciate my kind and supportive reviewers so much! I just don’t have a lot of time or energy, and I usually choose reading or writing with my time instead of responding to messages. your comments are a gift and I love receiving them so much!!!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

lol in the olden days, I once ended a fic with a surprise suicide, because i was a cruel and mercurial child. all my fob fics have happy endings though! the fic I have online right now that gets the most ‘wtf is this ending’ feedback is the unreliable narrator ghost story, the ending of which is either happy or REAL SAD, depending on how you interpret is, is Baby You’re A Haunted House

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t write crossovers per se but I love a good universe smash. the wildest one I’ve done is my beauty and the beast/coyote ugly peterick remix.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

god yes, i started writing fic in 2003 and i cannot stress enough how different fandom was back then

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

absolutely I do, lots of emotional intensity but also good old fashioned fucking

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a million years ago on deviantart

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! it is the biggest compliment ever, you guys are too good to me

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

hahahahaha @carbonbased000

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

hard question! rpf is my favorite thing to write because I love making transformations within set biographical constraints, it is by far my favorite way to be creative, but there are so many ships with interesting dynamics. i’m true blue for peterick but i also love fic with older characters who are all gritty and wounded navigating overt and internalized homophobia, and girl ships are the stuff of life. some of my favorite ships I never write for (for example, kirk/spock or various lotr pairings) because like. I have absolutely nothing to add, it’s already perfect. lawrusso is my favorite of the moment because cobra kai is an absolutely WILD show, it’s a blast

14. What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

UGH my ageswap peterick about Patrick letting everyone down again and again and again. literally I’ve been working on this fic for 5 years and only have like one scene left to write but it’s become a goddamn albatross around my neck

15. What are your writing strengths?

I’m funny and I use pretty words, and the fact that I want good things for all my characters shines through

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

will you laugh if I say plot? I am terrible at plots. almost all of my fics are just situations and how people react to them emotionally. the other thing is spatial descriptions, I can’t picture things in my head so i am wildly inconsistent and often just forget to add these in. oh, and I also get so lost in the dreamy emotional bits of people’s inner experiences that I lose my own narrative thread over and over and over again.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love it if you’re a student of the language, bilingual, or get someone who is fluent to beta that shit for you. if you don’t have the skillset or resources to do it right, there’s a real risk of cultural appropriation and fetishizing someone’s foreignness, so I’d steer clear. there’s the question of what it adds to the experience of the fic, as a reader or a writer, that has to be considered

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

afi rpf, and I dead-ass thought I’d invented it. you shoulda seen my brain explode when i discovered an entire archive just for that.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’ve reached a level of pride in my skill that I love most of the fics I finish—if I don’t, I tend not to finish or post! so I’m usually enamored with my most recent stories and have a deep appreciation for most of my gallery. but I do literally have a girl out boy tattoo and that universe (and how my amazing readers participated in building it with me) will always be the most personally important to me, regardless of whether its technical merit is outstripped by newer works

i tag--who wants to do this tag? @leyley09 @sir-transcelot @alienfuckeronmain @carbonbased000 @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @rhea-imagined @all my other lovelies who feel like doing writing reflection as a means of procrastinating actual writing

[hella1975]

Hella I feel the need to ask you this as a fellow brit teenager, did you do dofe? It’s not like it would help you any more than google maps did, but literally everyone I’ve met who’s done it had some amazing horror story and ended it with ‘yeah I’d absolutely do it again.’

oh my fucking god anon you just walked into my head and cracked open my memories with a sledgehammer DUKE OF FUCKING EDINBURGH YES I DID you guys are in the presence of a bronze medal DofE award holder crazy i know. this was the wildest experience ever and the entire time we were all like ‘i’m miserable and would pay actual money to go home’ but you’re so right there’s Just Something About It that makes you want to do it all over again afterwards. 

to anyone who doesn’t know what DofE is (or the Duke of Edinburgh award if you can be arsed), it’s a thing you can partake in here in britain where you spend a few days and nights (no one fact check me bc it was three years ago and felt like a fever dream) out in the wild or whatever, and it’s about teamwork and camping and navigation etc. basically a big scheme to get kids outdoors. a lot of people do the bronze award, and then some go on to do silver and gold but i am not fit enough for that bollocks no sir. so yeah. basic premise is you’re put in a group of say 5/6 or whatever people, and you most likely do not know them well at all, and then you’re ditched in the middle of fuckarse nowhere completely unsupervised and told to walk a good 15-20 miles total carrying a 14kg bag full of all your things. it’s... interesting.

here are some of the first memories that came to mind but i cannot express enough how chaotic it was. literally every five minutes something that would usually warrant its own storytime would happen and we’d all just be like ‘safe.....anyways’

- so to start with, i didn’t really know anyone who was doing DofE. i was gonna do it with my group of mates but they all pussied out last minute, but i really wanted to go so i just went ‘fuck it i’ll do this shit alone’ (to spite them) and low and behold i was put in a group of 6 other girls. now these girls were already friends because they were from the same half of my year group, so i was kinda stood there like 🙂✌️. the reason i’m putting this here is because there was this one girl who up until that moment i had thought was a right cunt, but after DofE we started hanging out more and she wound up being one of my closest friends for a very long time.

- there’s a whole planning period before they dump us in the middle of nowhere for, you know, safety reasons, so we all came to school on the weekend to learn Survival Tings. one of these was a competition between the three groups surrounding making a meal using camping tools. so the thing that wound up being great about my group is that the two (?) other groups were REALLY trying hard. like they wanted to win all the competitions and they wanted to do the hike the quickest and all that jazz, and they were all also mixed boys and girls groups, whereas by chance, mine was all girls. so we have about a dozen proper camper types and then just us in the corner, a group of solely teenage girls who kept bullying the instructors (more on that later) and generally wreaking havoc. yeah, we were probably very annoying, but fuck if we weren’t fun. so back to the food competition, me and this other girl - who i will nickname Paris - decided to try cheat just to piss the other groups off. in order to cheat, we tried to heat the spaghetti up quicker which sounds so fucking stupid in hindsight but anyway, and my mate from another group saw us doing this and he got so fuming SO HE TRIED TO STEAL OUR FOOD. i managed to grab it and it turned into a full out chase around the car park and yeah. he grabbed me and i spilled spaghetti everywhere like literally all over him. I was banned from cooking after that which was fine by me

- now if you’re wondering why i pointed out the gender ratios above, it’s because DofE usually winds up being very male dominated. there was about thirty of us doing it, and only 10 were girls (7 were my group). So it was very very obvious that it was turning into a boys vs girls, except very unfairly. this is when my earlier comment about the instructors comes in, because my group went through all of them. There were four total, and none of them lasted longer than a day with my group. the first one was very blatantly sexist and kept mansplaining all the tools and even tried to say we wouldn’t be able to finish first because we were girls. like he didn’t even gloss around it. The other two just had a real chip on their shoulder. and the funniest part of it is that for the life of me i cannot remember what we did to get rid of them so quickly, we were just that fucking annoying that none of them could ever do longer than a day. we got a rep and everything. local teenage girls crush the patriarchy one tent-wielding wanker at a time.

- OKAY so at this point, the actual hike which is the whole point of all this hasn’t even happened yet and it’s already chaos, so off we go and we start our hike. off the bat, i want to punch Paris in the face. turns out, she was the whingiest bitch i’d ever met. see the thing about DofE, is that the actual hike is not enjoyable at all. you are carrying incredibly heavy bags, you’re walking miles and miles and miles of random welsh hills, there was a HEATWAVE for ours, and all the while that you’re tired and fed up and usually lost, you’re with people that you’re not necessarily close with. arguments are going to happen. and happen they did. because by god i actually reached the point where i threatened to push Paris off a cliff. we were all miserable but she was insistent that it was 10 times worse for her. i made it very clear that i could make it worse for her if she really wanted it so bad. anyway, we all sorted everything out sooner or later, because there’s a really strange comradery in it?? i can’t explain it

- i’m gonna jump straight to the campsite cause this got stupid long and i have hundreds of stories from the hike so i need to pace myself lmfaooo. so yeah we’re all finally back at the campsite and after a full day of walking, we were absolutely knackered. so naturally, the instructors thought we’d all conk out and be done for the night, but then we all just got really energetic??? and suddenly about 30 kids who don’t really know each other and wouldn’t usually hang out at school decided to play a Massive Fuck Off Game Of Tag In The Dark. one girl accidentally set her pyjamas on fire

- powdered milk

- hella shut up challenge. anyway to summarise, my group finished first and it absolutely annihilated the sexist instructor. i still talk to those girls to this day about DofE. it was one of the best experiences of my life and simultaneously i was the only person in my whole group who didn’t cry at anytime during it. and yeah, all i can really say is that if you’re british and considering it you should 2000% go for it

[bisluthq]

Kaylor Rises?

We’ll never know the mechanics or reasons for Joshlie going on a break (or even if they just decided to be more casual for a bit). Maybe it was Taylor related, maybe it was all the stuff with his family, maybe it was the spectre of differing religions, maybe it was the age gap, maybe he started to agree that a ‘lingerie model’ was unsuitable in the long run… But one fact we do know, from investigative journalism done on the Kushners and also from looking at contemporaneous gossip blogs is: Joshlie have taken breaks. We don’t know exactly exactly how many, or why. But we know that they did. Again, this is one of the biggest pieces of ‘evidence’ that they’re real because why bother faking problems and breaks? Why not present yourselves as head-over-heels? It doesn’t make sense, but it’s what happened. And it also opens the door to some romantic!Kaylor. And in March 2014, Josh disappears from the picture and Taylor is suddenly a massive presence - way beyond the fun, highkey promotion we saw up till now. 

1 March 2014 - We see Kaylor both attend a Pre-Oscar Party. I think a Joshlie break was what led Karlie to go to LA and stay with Taylor. At this stage, they’d known each other publicly for about five months but, if we factor in possible negotiations, they might have known each other for much longer. I really do think they were good friends by this stage, because Taylor is a terrible actress and they clearly really enjoyed each other’s company. It was as good a place as any for Karlie to go and lick wounds. 

2 March 2014 - Kaylor attend the Vanity Fair Oscar Party and the Vogue profile talks about this being where they connected and decided to do the road trip: “A few months later they saw each other again at an Oscars after-party, and Kloss suggested they do something spontaneous. “I’d been to Big Sur once before, and I was like, ‘We should just do it,’ ” says Swift.” I suspect this story is a bit of a lie - but I do think it is true that they hooked up around this time, and decided to take a road trip to Big Sur. Taylor had been there once before, with Jake Gyllenhaal. Karlie had never been. It’s interesting that for Taylor it was already a “romantic” place, at the very least publicly, and it’s where she decided to go with Karlie at this point. 

Also, in terms of the “lie” factor - they’re saying this is where they reconnected but they were partying together the literal night before. So they’re obviously blurring reality a bit in the interview. Which is okay, maybe they misremembered or misspoke. But when factored into a pattern, it seems an odd thing to get confused about. 

The road trip itself is ICONIC. Taylor allegedly plays Karlie the whole of 1989. They take a million gorgeous photos. The daisy thing happens. 

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts the ‘Karlie loves Taylor’ sand pic. Taylor likes.

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts the ‘best road trip ever’ daisy pic.

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts the ‘adventure of a lifetime with my girl’ cheek kiss selfie.

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts a pic of her and Taylor with the caption, ‘woah, what a view huh?’

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts the pic of her hugging Taylor from behind.

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts a picture of herself apparently taken by Taylor.

5 March 2014 - Karlie posts a picture of her and Taylor jumping with the caption ‘❤️’

5 March 2014 - Taylor posts a picture of them and captions it ‘On the Way Home’ - possibly a reference to YAIL. 

When they return, things still seem very, very good in Kaylor Land.

12 March 2014 - Karlie attends the Art Production Fund’s White Glove Gala without Josh.

24 March 2014 - Taylor diaries that she’s moved into her Tribeca apartment in the “last few weeks” which means they are in the same city and that, when Karlie was in LA, Tay was still permanently based there. 

1 April 2014 - Karlie attends The New Museum annual Spring Gala without Josh.

1 April 2014 - Josh attends a New York Observer event without Karlie. His family is out in full force - again, this is their family business. It’s actually really odd that he is there on his own. Oh, and by the way - Mikey Hess isn’t there either lmao. 

3 April 2014 - Kaylor go to the gym and then out for lunch at the Butcher’s Daughter (which, for the record, is very close to Josh’s apartment but since he and Karlie have not interacted publicly in well over a month that seems irrelevant). They are papped continuously on both halves of the date. 

14 April 2014 - Kaylor are papped in NYC.

21 April 2014 - Taylor is papped with Cara and the articles that follow are all about “gal pals”. I do not think Cara and Taylor were together at this point but it’s vital to see the rollout of the “Girl Squad” PR strategy. It was not just about Karlie. Karlie was meant to be the ‘main’ Squad girl, but there were others.

26 April 2014 - Kaylor are papped in NYC

2 May 2014 - Karlie brings Derek as her +1 to the memorial service for L’Wren Scott.

4 May 2014 - Karlie posts a photo of herself with Taylor and Kate Bosworth at The Jane Hotel for Harry Josh’s party.

5 May 2014 - Kaylor get ready together and then attend the Met together. Josh is also there with his brother and Ivanka. Kaylor interact with the Kushners because this photo gets taken. We also get this pic (peep Tay’s dress in the background). Karlie sits at a table with Josh, and Taylor sits very, very far away. (Here is a pic of them seated). Now, it’s possible the tickets were booked and the seating arrangements made well before Joshlie went on a break. Or it’s possible going there was just a stunt and Karlie and Josh were very much together.

If Josh was a beard contract, this would’ve been reversed. Karlie would have showed up and walked the red carpet with Josh and sat with Taylor once inside. Instead, Karlie was papped with Taylor on the outside, and sat in the cheap seats with Josh, on the other side of the room from Taylor, once inside. If Josh and Karlie both needed a beard, why would they allow Karlie to show up and walk the red carpet with her girlfriend when they both attended the event?

And here’s what’s interesting: Taylor references this evening extensively at the end of the Wildest Dreams MV. She closely replicates the outfits - Karlie’s, Josh’s and her own - and casts herself as the “other woman”. It’s a telling video because that twist in the end is not necessary for the song to make sense (at all), Tay’s character is hurt and surprised by the MV love interest having a partner, and in the end the love interest’s feelings seem genuine as he runs after her - but she’s already gone. It’s a pretty loud scene in all and I’m not sure how else to interpret it, really. It’s also interesting that Tay’s character in the video falls in love with her ‘onscreen’ partner - kind of how Kaylor probably started as somewhat scripted ‘Famous Friends’ but possibly grew feelings.

Taylor also references this evening in LWYMMD when a 2014 Met Taylor appears several times. A zombie Taylor wearing the dress she wore in the OOTW MV buries a Taylor wearing this 2014 Met Gala dress and later she appears again. Considering all the other “Taylors” are extremely iconic (for example Kanye interrupting dress), I’m not sure why 2014 Met Gala Tay is here. It’s not the best example of one of her princess dresses… It’s not indicative of an ‘era’...

Unless the evening was important to Taylor herself, and the most logical reason for that would be Joshlie. It seems that this was the night that Tay, like her character in the MV, found herself cast in the unfortunate role of “other woman” - a part she would have struggled with ever since. So, with that in mind, here are some photos of Kaylor from that night where Taylor looks miserable: x x x

12 May 2014 - Karlie attends the American Ballet Theatre Opening Night Spring Gala alone.

15 May 2014 - An article with People comes out where Taylor makes getting ready with Karlie sound like a fun pre-prom time, proving the earlier point that them showing up together was part of their PR relationship.

Early May 2014 - Kaylor go for dinner at Toni Garrn’s, further debunking Korlie rumors.

22 May 2014 - Karlie attends amfAR’s 21st Cinema Against AIDS Gala alone.

CONCLUSION: From late February/early March it seemed as though Kaylor were together and possibly exclusive or at least getting somewhat serious. However, in early May Josh and Karlie reconnected around the time of the Met Gala - that’s what the Wildest Dreams MV seems to suggest at least. The fact that they interacted and sat together despite not apparently going ‘together’ is very loud. 

However, Joshlie were not fully back together at this Met Gala stage. I believe they reunited proper only at the end of May, at which point the Kaylor dynamic shifted gears.

However… the contract for the publicity deal was still in place and they had to carry on carrying on. It’s telling that their respective close friends didn’t exactly warm up to one another - their personal friend groups never really meshed. This contradicts the het narrative of them being just extremely great friends. If they really were, why wouldn’t they be hanging out with each other’s main people (in very simple terms, people like Derek and Abigail)? And before you @me, a few likes are not great evidence of hangouts - Josh also liked a bunch of Tay’s posts, and it’s pretty clear they were never friends.

More likely, Karlie and Taylor hooked up… And, of course, Karlie was an important part of this era’s publicity rollout. And that’s where things got messy.

[prosopopeya]

Fic Writer Questions

from @clarrisani !!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

on ao3 i have 28. tbf though i never transferred over a bunch of my stuff from lj back in the day.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

176,571

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

11 listed on ao3. shout out though to house, which i wrote a bunch for but it never made it to ao3, and likely never will, and also to sherlock holmes which i wrote some fic for but more significantly, spend 2 years roleplaying. also if we want to get real nostalgic, the hits from my ffn days included such fandoms as lizzie mcguire, buffy, star trek voyager, monk, and of course, labyrinth.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes: my dean is a hispanist, grad school au. written bc at the time i was reading so many college aus and going you know what. you know what this fandom needs. and also i need therapy and instead i will write this fic.

i’m so glad it was and still is well received, and until this year’s dcbb, i thought i’d never write something as personally significant as this ever again. i’m happy to be adding something else to that list shortly (and hope it’s as well liked!).

as a sidenote, this fic was requested by and heavily cheerleaded by a friend of mine who has since passed away, and i will always think of jaymee when i think of this fic.

Like Real People Do: my impulse-written, kneejerk reaction to cas’s confession in 15x18. i wanted cas to have a chance to process his feelings separate from dean and also i wanted to push back on the notion that he was happy just saying it bc maybe after all he wants dean to love him back. it’s fitting that it comes after the grad school au in this list bc it was my return to fandom. also a rare example of me writing cas pov. (soon to not be so rare.)

Flying in Circles Inside a Jar: a s5 era fic where dean and cas get together in a roundabout way. god this was written so long ago and there are parts of it i want to change, but overall i’m still proud of a lot of moments in this fic. some good dialogue in here.

Command Me to Be Well: my angstier entry into my s15 fix-its. dean decides that he will let him and cas have sex but they can’t have feelings about it. this got way more popular than i thought it would, and it took me forever to write it, but it was definitely proof to me that i could come back to writing bc i had to edit this fic a bunch, and i was always horrible at editing. but i have better meds now yay!

fourth place is technically the codas to the grad school au, which also have some good moments but also the last coda i wrote makes me cry when i think about it still. but bc it’s part of the same universe i’m going to add:

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone: another early days fic ft. dean coming to terms with his sexuality and how it was affected by his father among other things throughout his life. this has essentially become the backbone to my conception of dean’s sexuality in canon. it ends sad! plot twist for me these days.

what i love about this list, looking at it now, is that it’s a healthy mix of my old stuff and my new stuff, and overall represents well my themes of dean’s bisexual journey and several examples of cas standing up for himself, though s4/s5 cas was just like that.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i didn’t back in the day so much bc, you know, grad school, i was busy. i’ve been trying to since i got back into writing but have been staring at my inbox of things i need to reply to for like three months. i will do it at some point!

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

god i don’t know. i wrote so much angstier stuff back in the day. i don’t really want to re-peruse all the random stuff on my ao3 but here’s one that sticks out to me even still: the au that has quinn fabray from glee in a sham marriage with jason mcconnell from bare: a pop opera and no one is happy. no one asked for this fic but i had many feelings about it.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

these days most of my fics end happy, but the one that still has me tear up at the end is the fluff entry i wrote for dean’s birthday: through autumn’s advancing. it’s jody that always gets me. jody hugging and murmuring a goodbye to dean, and then dean watching as she hugs and whispers something to cas. i don’t know what she’s saying but her embracing cas just gets me every time.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

oh boy. back in the day, i would write just about anything anyone asked of me, and i prided myself on selling the wildest concepts imaginable. my lj contains a multitude of shames, but on ao3 probably the wildest is supernatural/my little pony: friendship is magic. here’s another example of me writing cas as he bonds with fluttershy.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i don’t... think so?

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

boy do i! uh the naked kind?? idk my approach to sex scenes is to try to capture realism but in the emotional sense. usually there’s a fun amount of dialogue. some amount of significance beyond just the act itself. i think my big thing is still representing the characters as themselves, in character.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don’t think so?!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

this dcbb is essentially being like executive produced by @marbleflan. but there may be a more explicitly co-written fic coming up. :) :) :)

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

dean/cas, hands down. nothing will ever compare to the absolute insanity of the way they happened in this television show.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i started a dean/benny/cas purgatory fic that i want to get back to one day... also my fic with ghost!kevin teaming up with human blood!crowley and human!cas.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i’d like to think it’s capturing the feel of the character and staying ic. that’s my #1 goal always and the best comment i could ever receive. i like my dialogue too.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

plot. i can’t plot to save my life. also editing. also inventing any original character is an absolute blindspot of mine.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

well i mean. i have. done that. my bilingual experience involves some weaving in and out of a language in conversation, usually mid-sentence or once you hit a word you either can’t think of in one language or feels better in another. or filler words/phrases like well, or let’s go.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

gosh. probably lizzie mcguire.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

the grad school au will always hold a special place in my heart. but i also really love this one i wrote that was a love letter to the virginia state fair, which i went to like every year when i was a kid and still hold a lot of nostalgia and love for in my heart. i really want to retool that one. there are some things i want to change about it, you know, almost ten years later.

@ anyone who wants to do this thing!!!!!!!

[bobasheebaby]

Grey’s Anatomy Prompts

I’m going a tad stir crazy, so I decided to make a prompt list of 80 Grey’s quotes I love. This may have been done before but I don’t care. It’s mostly angsty prompts and it’s long as hell. (Break at 15)

1 “When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” —Meredith Grey

2 “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun—you are.” —Cristina Yang

3 “Your choice, it’s simple: her or me? And I’m sure she’s really great. But I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” —Meredith Grey

4 “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.” —Mark Sloan

5 “It always feels like there is just one person in this world to love. And then you find somebody else, and it just seems crazy that you were ever worried in the first place.” —Lexie Grey

6 “Don’t let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice, so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence.” —Meredith Grey

7 “Not everyone has to be happy all the time. That isn’t metal health. That’s crap.” —Meredith Grey

8 “Breakthroughs don’t happen because of the medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying.” —Derek Shepherd

9 “We don’t get unlimited chances to have the things that we want, and this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.” —Addison Montgomery

10 “And if you can't do it, if you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed.” —Amelia Shepard

11 “Oh screw beautiful! I’m brilliant! If you want to appease me, compliment my brain.” — Christina Yang

12 “You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me.” — Derek Shepard

13 “The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me. You see me. This is me.” — Owen Hunt

14 “It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.” — Richard Webber

15 “You are my person. You will always be my person.” — Christina Yang

16 “It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.” — Alex Karev

17 “Please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me.” — Callie Torres

18 “Change … we don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is … everything.” — Meredith Grey

19 “Intimacy is a four letter syllable for- here’s my heart and soul, please grind them into a hamburger and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with, impossible to live without” -Meredith Grey

20 “You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive.” -Alex Karev

21 Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You Lost. Walk tall.” -Mark Sloan

22 "Just because people do horrible things, it doesn't always mean they're horrible people."-Izzie Stevens

23 "I am woman. Hear me roar." - Miranda Bailey

24 "I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?" -Jackson Avery

25 “If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, stop accepting crap and demand something more.” -Cristina Yang

26 “You didn't love her! You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!” - Callie Torres

27 I am not an ugly duckling. I'm a swan."-April Kepner

28 “Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” - Meredith Grey

29 “I’ve had to give up things but what I’ve learned is that I don’t need much. I don’t need much to be happy.” -Arizona Robbins

30 “I need the day off. For drinking.” -Addison Montgomery

31 "It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who we really are." -Denny Duquette

32 “In the beginning everyone is there, but then they forget.” - Amelia Shepherd

33 "Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey

34 “You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end.” -Teddy Altman

35 “Yeah we’re friends…I mean right now I’d probably say you’re one of my best friends.”-George O’Malley

36 “I’m just gonna feel bad that I made it so you can never love again” -Jo Wilson

37 "The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes." -Owen Hunt

38 “There’s a land called passive agressiva, and you’re their queen” -Derek Shepherd

39 “Let’s play a game of whose life sucks the most. I’ll win. I always win.” -Meredith Grey

40 “I take things personally. I get emotional.” -Lexie Grey

41 “Stop looking at my like that. Like you’ve seen me naked” -Meredith Grey

42 “Pretty good is not good enough, I want to be great.” -Cristina Yang

43 "Don't let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence." - Meredith Grey

44 “Let’s just make-out on the couch.” -Nathan Riggs

45 "Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." -Meredith Grey

46 “Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Don’t put your crap on me.” -Stephanie Edwards

47 "I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past - I know, but I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.." -George O’Malley

48 “Sometimes you have to be a shark.” -Lucy Fields

49 “Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m damaged goods. I’m still me. I’m still here.” -Adele Webber

50 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

51 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

52 "For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." -Alex Karev

53 "You can't be an ass to me all day and then expect me to give you respect." - Lexie Grey

54 “Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, when you least expect it, the world gets right again.” -Meredith Grey

55 “Shut up. Dance it out.” -Cristina Yang

56 “We may only be together five minutes every two months, but when we do we will savor every second. We know how valuable those five minutes are.” -Ben Warren

57 “There comes a point when you have to suck it up and stop whining and start living” -Callie Torres

58 “Please don’t give up on me. Promise. Promise me you won’t.” -Arizona Robbins

59 “Bad things happen, but you have to move past it. Leave it behind. The sooner, the better. Or it’ll eat away at you and stop you from moving forward.” -Miranda Bailey

60 “This is the way the world changes. Good people, raising babies right” -Catherine Avery

61 “The problem is we are human. We want more than to just survive. We want to love.” -Lexie Grey

62 "There's a club. The Dead Dads/Moms/Parents Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad/mom/parent’s died when I was AGE. NAME, I'm really sorry you had to join the club." -Cristina Yang

63 “I’m going to die because these people aren’t properly trained” -Derek Shepherd

64 “I believe if you were dead, the world would be a better place” -George O’Malley

65 “You think you broke me, NAME? You’re the one who put me back together.” -Mark Sloan

66 “I want so much for you. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free.” -Callie Torres

67 “Every kiss before the right kiss doesn’t count anyway” -Derek Shepherd

68 “The expected is what keeps us steady. It’s the unexpected that changes our lives forever.” -Meredith Grey

69 “Promise that you’ll love me, even when you hate me.” -Meredith Grey

70 "The problem is, fairytales don't come true. It's the nightmares that always seem to become the reality." -Meredith Grey

71 “How are you fine? How are you just completely fine? I am ruined, okay? I am dead, I am wrecked." -Cristina Yang

72 “I didn’t like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl.” -Cristina Yang

73 “So you fight. Until you can’t fight anymore.” -Amelia Shepherd

74 “Don’t analyze everything. Just do it.” -Alex Karev

75 “Some lies aren’t lies. They’re love.” -Meredith Grey

76 “That’s where love exists, in delusional fantasies.” -Meredith Grey

77 "Friends are the family we choose." -Meredith Grey

78 "Don't ever date a man who can't handle your power." - Meredith Grey

79 "It’s not hard. It’s painful but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be in this much pain." —Miranda Bailey

80 “You’re my heaven. But maybe ... maybe I’m your hell.” — Denny Dequette

[wolffyluna]

Fic Writer Meme

 I was tagged by @thou-breath-of-autumns-being and @eldritch-elrics. Answers under the cut.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

135

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

387198

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

There’s 22 of them, using a sensible-ish count. There’s Age of Sigmar, MCU, Dragon Age, Dragonshield (yes, the card sleeves), Dungeons and Dragons, Fire Emblem Awakening, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Guild Wars 2, Warhammer 40k, Heaven Will Be Mine, We Know The Devil, Keychain of Creation, Overwatch, Revolutionary Girl Utena, The Adventure Zone, The Magnus Archives, Silmarillion, Undertale, Voltron, TGCF, MDZS, Nirvana in Fire

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

‘The Heat Talking’ - Overwatch omegaverse. It’s popularity is very explicable :P.

‘A Stained Glass Variation of The Truth’ - Xianle Trio sickfic, featuring Mu Qing have a lot of feelings about looking after Xie Lian. This is one of the ones where I look at it’s popularity and go “[nods] my audience has Good Taste.”

‘Let Bastion Say ‘Fuck’‘ - Overwatch crackfic. I wrote for Overwatch a while ago. Those fics are very much not my best work. And Yet.

‘though shadows fall’ - TGCF HuaLian post nightmare hurt/comfort. (which reminds me, I should really write some HuaLian post nightmare hurt/comfort where Hua Cheng is the one who has a nightmare.)

‘All That Can Be Done’ - Overwatch Genyatta angst featuring Zenyatta dying of a God AI virus.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, I really do, but... if I reply, the comment no longer shows up on the ao3 homepage. I do intend to reply, but the lure of having comments on my homepage wins out most times.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably either ‘All That Can Be Done’, the aforementioned fic where Zenyatta dies of a God AI virus and gets killed by Genji, or ‘Always Neater In Morality Plays’ where Sazed successfully poisons and kills Taako.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t really write much crossover fanfiction?

...Though I am right now doing an rp featuring a character from a historical tv show set in the Tang dynasty accidentally time travelling into an AU version of the Handmaid’s Tale, so, uh, that’s probably the wildest crossover I’ve been involved in.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I’ve received a few “you’re characterisation is bad and you should feel bad” and “how dare you write something to your tastes and not my tastes!”

‘Always Neater In Morality Plays’ got a... bad reaction. Including a popular blogger vague posting about in a way that made it obvious exactly what fic it is and how grody they found it. They may not have linked the fic directly, but, uh, everyone knew. (And I may have also sent an ill-advised ask along the lines of ‘you have the right to vagueblog whatever fic you like, but for the love of peace could you at least check who is following you, so you don’t put ‘oh god, isn’t this fic the creepiest thing ever?’ straight onto the dash of the author?”  And also a chunk of the TAZ fandom blocked me*.

And then several years later I found out ‘snuff’ meant something different than what I thought it meant (I thought it just meant ‘focus on major character death!) which added an embarassing glace cherry on top of that sundae of bad.

*This became sort of funny when some of these people got into the Magnus Archives. “Oh, so you draw the line at graphic depictions of poisoning, but someone exploding into a shower of worms is fine???”

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do, yes. As for what kind-- well, my ao3 exists and is a relatively comprehensive survey.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nooooot to my knowledge?

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone wants to-- [makes ‘call me’ gesture].

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not yet. I’d be potentially interested in doing one, maybe one of those ones where one person writes one chapter and then another person writes the next. At the moment I have a friend who is also interested in maybe doing that, we just don’t currently align on fandoms.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

[whine] Don’t make me choose between my babies!

14. What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

‘A Shattered Angel And A Broken Fist’. It was one of the earlier fics I wrote, back before I learned that if I wanted to write something long, I needed to have an idea of how it was going to end. I lost momentum and now... I honestly have no clue what should happen next? I have re-read and gone “yep, some stuff should happen. Not sure what stuff.” So while a lot of people like it and it would be nice to finish, its probably not happening.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I think I’m reasonably good at dialogue? I’m honestly not sure what my strengths are. I don’t mean this in a low self confidence way, more that I know I don’t have an outside perspective on my writing, and like a fish, I’m not super aware of the water I’m swimming in.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a bad habit of people have conversation in Blank Windowless Voids of No Description.

I also have a less bad habit of trying to fill those voids with a) geology and b) Australian fauna and flora. This causes problems when the pov character has no reason to know geology, and the story is not set in Australia.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I am one of those people who pretty much only speaks English, except for the a bit of “Je m’appelle Wolffy. Le chat est petit.” So I don’t write dialogue in other languages. Too much risk of embarrassing error, for not much gain, when you can just use italics or something.

I do have a lot of thoughts about translation conventions in fic where the characters would not be speaking English, and things like whether to live honoriffics. The thoughts are a bit unformed, but mostly revolve around being consistent at least within a fic (no characters being “Your Highness” in one paragraph and “dianxia” the next), trying to avoid the affect you sometimes find in anime fics were every third word is in Japanese, and also trying to maintain character voice. (I occaisionally have moments of “yes, there is an English translation for what this character calls this other character, but it’s not what they canonically say and it’s going to bother me deeply if I only use English.”)

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Depending on how you define ‘fandom’ and how you draw the line between historical fiction and historical rpf, my first fandom was the Bagoas fandom. Not the Bagoas what followed Alexander the Great around, no, the vizier who was around before him.

...I was like twelve at the time, just to make this weirder.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[whines harder] don’t make me pick between my babies!

[zalrb]

Take Two - 1x02  Review

1. “I mean she’s from New York where things tend to move faster.” What’s funny is how hilariously accurate this is. When I moved from Toronto to a suburb and my neighours’ kids found out that I went to school in the city, their mentality was like this and it was literally a suburb that was like an hour and a half away from the city and Toronto isn’t even like a CITY city.

2. Also I remember going to high school in my first year and meeting girls who would ask girls right away “Are you a virgin?” and then said they only hung out with girls who were virgins. So I know that anons are freaking out about these conversations and the way they’re presented but there is an accuracy there.

3. “Drew Barrymore in Scream” “Ooh a ripoff of a ripoff” this dialogue is funny meta because KW wrote Scream.

4. “Yes, that is an obvious interpretation of the story”. LOL. Great teaching.

5. I never had to read Wuthering Heights for high school and it seems like every American high school in fiction has students read that book. You know, to make obvious references to the plot.

6. OH MY GOD SCOTT FOLEY WAS IN THIS FOR ONE SECOND.

7. “I told you, Dawson, they move fast in New York.” LMFAO, Joey, she said ‘hi’. Lmao. It’s like when Xander says Cordelia is dressed like a hooker and she’s wearing a sweater. 

8. Dawson’s parents are entirely inappropriate.

9. Dawson pretend kissing a mannequin head is like when in American Pie, Jim asked his friend what sex felt like and he said “warm American pie” so he went home and fucked a pie. Yes, I said what I said.

10. It is very high school and sweet that Joey pretends that it’s her upstairs, though.

11. OK I’m sorry but Dawson describing what he imagines is happening between Jen and Cliff at the dance is basically, like, teenage Mr. Brightside

12. No seriously:

At this very moment they're slow dancing. Her arms are wrapped around his waist and they're moving to some stupid cheesy 80's song, and he's whispering things into her ear to kinda make her giggle and toss her hair off to the side.  Every once in a while their eyes meet and they shift awkwardly because they know it's all coming down to that one moment at the end of the night where he leans over and tells her what a great time he's had. He asks her if they can do it again, and she just smiles in that sexy, teasing way that she has, it's not really teasing, but just sexy and says "I'd like that." And then their lips meet. Their mouths come together. Their tongues find each other, I...aauugghh!  I can't take it.

How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss Now I'm falling asleep And she's calling a cab While he's having a smoke And she's taking a drag Now they're going to bed And my stomach is sick And it's all in my head But she's touching his chest now He takes off her dress now Let me go And I just can't look, it's killing me And taking control

13. Joey:

LOL, Joey is OVER it.

14. TONIGHT I’M GOING TO DO IT, I AM GOING TO KISS THE GIRL *puts on a vest*

15. This school dance is KILLING ME because that’s ACTUALLY a high school dance. In all of its awkwardness.

16. This is. the dorkiest dance. ever. I love it.

17. I’m just sitting here like ... I couldn’t in my WILDEST imagination be like this teenager is seducing me. Tamara, get your life together.

18. “Because in some moral sectors, what they’re doing is known as foreplay”. They’re basically doing this

19. Every time I see Dawson in that vest I think of Superbad

20. Honestly, the way Katie plays Joey’s nervousness and disbelief and also excitement at slow-dancing with Dawson is done really well.

21. Also the moment the slow-dancing gets kinda serious and they’re looking in each other’s eyes, well done. I believe it.

22. “I feel that connection” THEN YOU SHOULD’VE DANCED WITH HER, YOU IDIOT.

23. “She could be you ... except ... she’s Jen” OK that’s terrible for Joey to hear and it’s also just an idiotic thing to say but Dawson legitimately does not know that Joey has feelings for him and they previously established that they can still tell each other everything so I get why he said it.

24. I like how they called Dawson self-aware when he’s actually just self-absorbed.

25. That was not a flattering pose for Jen.

26. Dawson is just Ted Mosby before Ted Mosby.

27. I like how Dawson doesn’t even follow up with Jen’s New York “stumble” speech, like do you want to talk about it?

28. They have a cute dance but his dance with Joey was better.

29. They really were going for the Audrey/Marilyn thing with Katie and Jen.

[yelpfic]

2020 Writing (Year in Review)

In 2019, I posted 3K words on AO3.

In 2020, I posted 214K words on AO3.

I have probably written more fic this year than I have in my entire life... and I didn't even start until April.

Since I feel like I'm new to writing all over again (the last time I wrote regularly was probably about a decade ago), this has been a year of experimentation. One obvious change is that I'm writing from this "alt" account, where I've been posting whatever the hell iddy, gratuitous, self-indulgent stories happened to fall out of my brain. (Perhaps as a consequence, I noticed that the ratio of public bookmarks across all my fics clocked in at around 50%. In other words, half the people who bookmarked my works chose to do so privately!)

I also experimented with:

participating in fic exchanges and prompt memes

writing for a variety of fandoms: big and small, new and dead

varying up my writing style: using present and past tenses, ranging from super florid descriptions to conversational prose

self-promotion on Tumblr, which meant attempting to learn how to use it. I'm sure I still don't have all the etiquette down, but no one's complained yet I guess.

My main project this year has been Once a Runner, the fic that got me started writing again, so I owe quite a lot to it. It's also sucked me deep into Eyeshield 21, a fandom that was active 10-15 years ago but still somehow has a few loyal fans. I am deeply grateful to these folks for... well... existing! In addition to OAR, I've written four other ES21 fics this year, each with a different pairing. In all but one fic, I managed to use a different obscure character tag that has never been used before!

This year, I've done a decent job (mostly) working on one big project at a time. I'm starting to get used to the feeling of always having an active writing project again, letting it churn away in my brain in a background process. Sometimes I'm rewarded with a scene or a plot idea that comes out of nowhere, like a plant that produces mysterious fruit - both delightful and worrying at the same time.

I wrap up this year embarking on a new project, Solid as Stone, which, as currently planned, is going to take me even further out of my comfort zone.

AO3 stats and meme responses below the cut.

My AO3 stats at the end of the year:

Meme questions:

Best title: Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl

Worst title: Lightbringer Mine

Longest title: Their offers should not charm us (their evil gifts would harm us) (65 characters)

Shortest title: Talisman (8 characters)

Best first line: "Don't," the witcher's arm shot out, barring his companion mid-step, "touch."

Worst first line: Yeah, in hindsight, Sena shouldn't have answered that doorbell.

Best last line: "It will be done," he agrees, and presses the lilies into her hands. "My promise is solid as stone."

Worst last line: "I can't win or lose until you bring your strain to market. All I ask is that you hurry up and regrow, so we can really compete."

Conclusion: I need to work on endings.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted? I wrote more than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? Everything. I wasn't into any of these fandoms last year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. OAR, for sure. It got me back into writing, and I devoted an enormous amount of mental energy to it. Runners up (pun intended) were any ES21 rarepair fics where I lamented the lack of content for a pairing I loved, tried to explain everything I loved about them in fic form, and basically turned into my ship manifesto/soapbox. In fic form.

Okay, NOW your most popular story. Solid as Stone. OAR comes close by sole virtue of being a long, multichaptered work posted over 8 months, but with a single chapter of under 3K words, and having been up for under two weeks, SAS is already beating OAR in some statistics. I never realized Genshin Impact was such a hot fandom, even for a rarepair like this.

Story most underappreciated by the universe? All my stories got quite a bit more attention than I expected (thank you, everyone, sincerely), but I'd say Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl. It's original, it was written in an exchange, and it has a decent plot (if I do say so myself) and even a bit of smut. Perhaps F/F work is not so popular?

Story that could have been better? I could probably list multiple things I'd want to improve about each story, but let me just limit myself to one. Lightbringer Mine had more story in it that I didn't get around to telling, and the ending felt a little abrupt. I feel a little awkward extending it now, though, as it was a gift fic.

Saddest story? Hmm, I think just about every story I wrote had a happy-ish ending. I suppose I'll go with C&D,C&C.

Most fun? TBH, the same? There are several lighthearted moments and a heist scene. 

Most fucked-up story? Stars and Stripes Forever (lack of link intentional)

Hardest story to write? Once a Runner

Easiest/most fun story to write? Always Knew I'd Fall. I went skeet shooting once, and as soon as I had the idea that Kid and Hiruma might be good at it, the story basically wrote itself. I also thought the song from the title was too perfect of a Kid song to pass up.

Top five scenes you would like to see illustrated: I would die happy to see any scene from OAR illustrated. Off the top of my head, the Hiruma and Sena bathtub scene, haircutting scene, or Hiruma taunting Monta in the car when we first meet Monta. From other fics, Kid walking around the course with Hiruma and making him carrying his gun properly in "Always Thought I'd Fall", and Sara Spectacular blocking the shadow bolts in "Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl".

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I experimented with posting explicit works, and as it turns out, sex sells. I also really put my kinks out there (sexual and otherwise) and was surprised and gratified to find others who appreciated it. Conclusion: it's okay to write the fic that you've always wanted to write. Even if it's embarrassing, or if some will judge you for it, writing for likeminded souls makes more sense than writing to avoid critics.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? I have a lot more ideas for SAS, so I'd like to make that my next big project. I'm also signed up for Five Figure Fic Exchange, so that means I have a 10k fic due by the end of the month that I need to... start... Beyond that, I'd like to write more original works, perhaps something that I can even publish under my real name?? Is that crazy, brain??

Some specific things I've struggled with this year that I'd like to improve: titles and character names, physical descriptions, making my endings less abrupt