#i was in the uni i do internship at and after we were done i was hanging out with my friend &her sister& sisters friend anyway

[bfish]

.

[cutieln4]

Let’s Fall In Love For The Night | LN4

lando norris x reader

summary: you fell in love with him on vacation, he tells you he’s not looking for a relationship. he’s in denial.

written + smau

As a uni student with an internship, you had absolutely no time, and money was sparse. So it's been years since you've had a break. But, after saving money from your summer job, and a lot of convincing from your friends, you were finally going on vacation.  

On the second day, you were attempting to play volleyball on the beach. However, it wasn't going so well. 

"I got it!" you yelled, frantically running with your eyes on the ball in the air. 

You weren't expecting to run into someone, causing you to fall back, the volleyball landing a few meters away.

"Oh— I am so so sorry," a British voice apologized. 

And when you looked up at him, your breath got taken away. He towered over you, tan skin and dark curls falling onto his forehead. You tried not to focus too hard on his abs as you scanned your eyes over him.

Once you snapped out of your trance, you grabbed his outstretched hand and hoped he hadn't caught you staring at him. 

"Sorry, I should've been more careful," you brushed his apology off. 

"No, no, it was my fault. I'm Lando, by the way."

"Y/n," you replied.

"Well, Y/n, why don't you let me make it up to you?"

 "What did you have in mind?" you asked, a small smile gracing your lips.

"How about we grab some smoothies together after your game?" he suggested. 

You agreed, and he told you where he would be waiting.

"I'll find you when we're done."

"Perfect, it's a date," he winked, and then he was gone. 

Wide-eyed, you walked back to your friends, who squealed with glee when they heard about your plans. You hadn't been on a date in over two years, after all. 

yourusername

Liked by yourfriend and 139 others

yourusername sunkissed😚 (i’m completely burnt)

View all comments

friend1 girl we told you to put on sunscreen

friend2 BODY IS TEAAA💅💅

friend3 right yeah just skip over the SUPER ROMANTIC sunset beach picnic…right…

yourusername shh🤫

friend4 my baby is all grown up🥺

yourusername i talk to ONE guy

friend5 come back i miss youuuu

After that day, you started seeing Lando every day. You would go out into the town together, go to the club together, walk on the beach during sunset together, and your feelings were suddenly becoming very real. 

And then you kissed. When your lips connected, it felt like everything going on in the background dulled and it was just you and him, alone on the beach. It felt like nothing else in the world mattered as long as you were with him. His lips were addicting, and you couldn't get enough. 

You got to know Lando at such a personal level. You connected with him like you hadn't connected with anyone else before. You told him things you've never told anyone else. You squeezed a whole relationship into the 3 weeks that you were there. It felt perfect. 

~~~~~~~~~~

landonorris

Liked by maxfewtrell and others

landonorris rested and recharged😊

View all comments

user1 THE POSE

user2 bro did NOT set that picnic up himself

user3 THE PICNIC HELLO??? thats so cuteeee

user4 now who did he eat that with🤨

user5 we lost a good one y’all😔

user6 NOOOO THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!

user7 come home the kids miss you

~~~~~~~~~~

Lando had never met someone like Y/n before. She was funny, kind, smart, and had a smile that made his stomach flutter. The way he instantly connected with her, it was like they were made for each other. She didn't even know who he was, she just liked him for him. 

But it was too good to be true. You were in your last year of Uni, and the last thing you probably wanted was a serious relationship. He assumed you wanted to live your life after this, and wanted nothing to do with him. 

It was just a little fling, that's all. So he dreaded when he would have to leave. 

"Hey, we should talk," he told you as you lay next to each other on the beach. 

"Sure, what's up?"

"My flight to go home is tomorrow. And I'm sure you're not looking for a relationship right now, and neither am I to be honest. But, I had a really good time hanging out with you."

He didn't see the way that your face dropped. "Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. It was just a bit of fun, I guess."

It went silent after that and unbeknownst to each other, they both had knots in their stomachs.

Early the next morning, Lando was on a flight home, and Y/n went home the next day, completely heartbroken.

Lando sat on the jet with Max Fewtrell across from him, his head leaning against the window as he stared longingly at the ocean below.

"So, did you get Y/n's number? You seemed to really hit it off," Max commented

Lando sighed deeply, tearing his gaze from the window as he shook his head.

"No, I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship."

"And is that true?"

"No, I actually really liked her," he admitted, avoiding eye contact as he picked at his fingernails.

"Knobhead."

Lando stared at Max with his mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Did you get her Instagram at least?"

"No."

"How about her last name?"

Lando shook his head.

"Fucking idiot," Max sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll get over her."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Wait, wait, tell me again what he said?" Y/n's friend asked in the hotel room.

"He assumed I didn't want a relationship and then he said that he didn't want a relationship either. So that was it. It's done."

"What a dickhead," Y/n's other friend commented, sighing.

"Yep, well, that's what I get for talking to men."

"Maybe you can clear things up? I assume you have his number or Instagram or something?"

"No, I don't," Y/n replied.

"Maybe we can look him up, what's his last name?"

"Um, I don't know."

"You're kidding right?" Y/n's friend said, groaning loudly at her stupidness.

"It's fine. It was just a little fling," Y/n dismissed.

"You were literally gushing about him on Twitter and saying that you thought you loved him."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

When she got home, she spent two days just rotting in her bed, mascara stained on her cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~

The season continued for Lando, and he thought he would be able to forget about you quickly, but he was wrong.

All he could think about was your striking eyes, your infectious laugh, and your contagious smile. He closed his eyes all all he saw was your face.

He was sure that you were haunting him.

5 races later, his distracted behavior was getting noticeable.

"-Lando, Lando?"

He suddenly snapped out of his trance, realizing that his engineer was trying to get his attention during the debriefing.

"Sorry, what?"

"Are you feeling okay, Lando?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. What were you saying?"

Oscar gave him a look from across the room, but he just shook his head. Afterward, as he walked back to his driver's room, he opened his phone to look at a picture of you.

He had taken it while you weren't looking. Your head was tilted back in laughter, your eyes bright and cheerful. You looked like the most beautiful woman to ever exist.

"Who's that?" Oscar asked from beside him, and Lando jumped at his unexpected arrival.

"Jeez, warn a guy next time. It's no one."

"If it's no one then why are you always staring at her?"

Lando glared at him.

"Look, I met her during summer break, I blew it and told her I didn't want a relationship when it was a lie, but I don't have any of her contact info and I only know her first name."

"Surely you can find her somehow? Or she can find you? You are famous, after all."

Lando stopped walking suddenly, a smile forming on his face.

"You're a genius, thanks Oscar!" he yelled as he sprinted to his driver's room.

landonorris

Liked by maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri, and others

landonorris ATTENTION PLEASE!! HELP NEEDED!! I am in desperate need to find this girl! Whoever can find her will receive nothing but please help me!!!!!

View all comments

username1 wtf is happening...

username2 this gotta be the girl from the picnic during summer break

username3 no shit sherlock

username4 this is not very demure...

username5 not cutesy at all...

username6 OMG SHES SO CUTE AND PRETTY

username7 need me a man that will scour the internet to find me

username8 so is this considered a hard launch?

username9 well now i gotta know the story cause i'm a nosy bitch

username10 wait i recognize her! i think she's a friend of my friend hold on

username10 here's her instagram @.yourusername

Lando had her Instagram within 10 minutes. He thought of just messaging her, but he really needed to get his message across.

So, with a quick google search, he was able to find her address.

He went straight from the track to the airport.

~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your Instagram to find thousands of new followers, hundreds of messages, and a bunch of mentions in comments.

Furrowing your eyebrows in extreme confusion, you clicked on the notification and it brought you to a post...with your face on it.

Getting even more confused, you checked the username. Lando Norris.

No fucking way.

You clicked on her profile, and it was really him. And turns out he was a famous, millionaire, Formula 1 driver.

What the actual fuck. And why was he trying to find you? Last you heard he wasn't interested in a relationship...not that you were still bitter or anything.

Shit, you couldn't do anything now, you had Uni to get to. You quickly got ready, grabbing your back and walking toward your car.

"Wait! Y/n!"

A shout of your name immediately grabbed your attention, and you turned around.

There he was, just as beautiful as he was two months ago. The air left your lungs as you took in his appearance. He was actually here.

"Lando. You're here."

"Yeah. Have you been on your phone today."

You nodded.

"Sorry for posting you, I was just so desperate to find you. I know I said I wasn't looking for a relationship but I just said that because that's what I thought you wanted and I'm really really sorry about that but I've been so miserable without you and—"

You cut him off, wrapping your hand around his neck and pulling him into a kiss.

"You are such a fool," you told him.

"I know," he sighed in relief, a wide smile on his face.

"Anyway, how did you find my address?"

"Google."

"And you couldn't just message me when you found my Instagram?"

"I had to get my point across."

You chuckled, pulling him into another kiss.

"As much as I'd love to stay here and kiss you more, I have to get to class."

"Right, I'll uh... get a hotel or something."

"You can stay in my flat, loser," you laughed, tossing him the keys.

yourusername added to their story

View all replies

friend1 i'm so happy for you babe

landonorris i like the papaya hearts ;)

username1 NO WAY HE FLEW ALL THE WAY FROM AUSTIN TO SEE YOU

landonorris

Liked by yourusername, maxfewtrell and others

landonorris I found you, my love🧡

View all comments

maxfewtrell finally mate

username1 YAYY WE DID IT

username2 con😭grat😭ul😭ations😭

username3 they’re so cute wtf

username4 i’m sleeping on the highway tonight

yourusername you’re the best thing that’s happened to me🫶💕

username5 bro i need to know the whole story

username6 the pictures are so aesthetic omg

username7 now THIS is demure

username8 very cutesy

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Add yourself to my taglist!

all works taglist: @evasmlp @partnerincrime0

[6leggedhorse]

Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

I haven’t posted all week like I should’ve and I’m here to say why. I want to start this off by saying that Uni isn’t easy for some people, for me it’s easy usually. However with an internship twice a week sandwiched in between that makes it a little harder, and that’s okay, I can do it. Now that I’m taking a personal day on Fridays, this will improve my mental health and only working twice a week may not be what I wanted but it’s what I needed. However school has gotten harder, I am in a group for one of my classes and they’re involved in sports. That’s great, nothing wrong with that at all, but the issue is that they’re doing everything last minute and giving me very little time to do my part as well as very little information.

There’s no consistency in our communication; I wanted to get a head start and complete the first project early, all things considered, I considered everyone’s schedules and thought if we got this done early, it’s gonna be less stress for everyone. But unfortunately, they don’t think the same way, and putting me in a time crunch to get stuff done isn’t something I’m comfortable and okay with. For the first project, I got one set of notes for a bit and then the other two and I didn’t perspectives or any more details so my ability to write, which I know I’m good at, wasn’t put to good use and potential. So for this project they were doing the same thing, and quite frankly I was and still not happy about it. At this time a bit before I began to take Fridays off, I began to get stressed out even more. I put off studying a midterm and paper for a social work class.

I felt so overwhelmed and loaded, I got so stressed out and angry, I felt like I was being put into a position where I didn’t matter and neither did my mental health. So I found a last minute solution to our project, we needed to go to a specific event for our class project. And they waited until and I mean UNTIL the very last minute on last week, no one communicated. I didn’t say anything for this project because I wanted to be flexible and allow them to address it because last time on the first day of school, I sent the first text in our group chat asking when to get the first project started and shocker, no said anything until it was due the last possible second. So for this project I crowd sourced more events and information on social media, they wanted to play last minute bull crap again and I was not having it.

I feel as though my boundaries have been crossed soon after the post, I got comments on events AND I emailed my professor letting him know what was going on. He told me not to work with them this one time and submit it on my own which I will be doing in parts today (ADHD-I makes it difficult to focus.) hence why I NEED to get a head start on things to not get to this point. I don’t mind small assignments but this is big, and when I get overwhelmed I procrastinate because an amalgamation of unfinished projects is incredibly overwhelming and scary I just avoid it. So they began to complain over the group text and I unplugged from it to take time to think and care for myself. I have yet to open the texts, for now, my sanity matters, they don’t get to ruin how my day goes.

So, you may not hear from me for a hot second so please try to be patient, and on top of all this I have a shitty mentor in the place I intern at. She is just so rude and talks down to me and my fellow interns, and my mentor herself increases my anxiety, it’s getting to a point where I’m ✨depressed✨. Next seminar I will be talking to my Liaison and finding a new group to work with. This sucks because I love writing on here, I love writing in general, it’s so therapeutic to me but school comes first. I will let yall know when I come back. Which hopefully by next Monday I will be, things get worse before they get better I need to roll with the punches and chaos, if there is any I trust, it’s Loki that’s for damn sure.

[ajax-mew]

i have a question if smn can answer (idk where else to ask and no one rly helping)

is abt work/intership

a 2nd yr student (am 1st yr) told me sm other 2nd yr student is leaving the place they working soon coz did the minimum required hrs

and the boss person said will need to find another person soon to take their place

and i ask the student thats leaving and he said (they transmasc and not done any official paperwork except has started hormones/is related to the workplace)

the work there is not related to graphic design (am graphic design student and teacher wants us to find as close to it as possible)

intership there is to basically painting candles

now the workplace the person i ask to said is a dusty warehouse the bosses wife were respectful if his name and the boss had in the background radio of a sexist/homophobic person yelling

the work is abt 30 mins from my house (idk exactly location i js know the village that is located) abt 30 maybe a little more w having to take 2 buses and only 1 bus goes there

and then ill have to take another 3 to get to class

intership be 6 hrs painting candles

then abt 4-5 hrs depending on day uni (maybe more idk we start at abt 2-3 to 6-8)

and then after uni would have to take at least 1 bus to get home (normally is 2 but i walk a lot unsure if ill be able to walk if working and having to get in so many buses)

and will uni have to study assignments from uni when at home

intership pays abt 450-500€ a month

and i have till basically January to get internship or ill have to redo the yr or drop out coz wont have done the minimum required hrs of work to pass to 2nd yr

and all this is making me panic so i need smn to tell me if is worth it going to work/intership there

and is also another extra thing w my father (he sucks) and i have no money and no money making me panic even more and then intership making me panic and am js full of panic and having even more trouble breathing than i normally do

thats all if anyone actually reads all that please reply and sorry for been this long and panicking

[anglophiletraveler]

Chapter 24!!

Ross was beginning to feel antsy about the trip to Nampara.  It was a short work week because  New Year’s Day fell on Friday but Demelza had one last concert for the year with the BBC Orchestra on Wednesday, so they were planning on making an early start on Thursday morning so they could be there in plenty of time to go to Caroline’s New Year’s Eve party.  

“I could take the train down on Thursday if you want to go down a couple of days earlier?” Demelza suggested.

“Heavens no, you are not riding down on the train.  But how do you feel about driving halfway after the concert Wednesday evening?  We could stop at a hotel or a B and B and spend the night.”

“With Seamus?”

“Yeah, why not?  I can just look for a hotel that takes dogs.  I could drive 3 or 4 hours and then we wouldn’t have to get up so early the next day.  I just thought it would be nice not to be rushed during the rest of the day, what with Caroline’s party later that night.”

“Alright if you don’t mind driving at night.  It does sound a bit nicer to get to your parent’s house earlier in the day.”  Demelza was looking at Ross and got the feeling that he was anxious or worried about something. He had seemed distracted during their meal.  “Baby, are you nervous about the trip or the drive?”  

“Huh?  Oh.  Maybe a little.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve been down there and I guess the more I think about it, the more I just want to hurry up and get there.  Does that sound stupid?”  

She took his hand into hers, “No, not at all.  You and your mum are close and you haven’t been home in a while, so it’s understandable.  Plus the whole feeling that they’re holding something back from you about her health must be weighing on you.  Is there anything I can do?”

Ross smiled gratefully, “No, just be there for me.  I have a feeling that I’m going to need you.  And I apologise in advance for any yelling I may do while there.  It always seems inevitable that my dad and I get into it whenever I’m home.”  He kissed her hand that was holding his.

“You two don’t get physical do you?”  Demelza questioned.

“Oh no, nothing like that.  I would never hit my father.  I think deep down he’s always wished that I would’ve stayed in Cornwall, worked with him in the business, and eventually taken it over.”

“But you didn’t want to do that…”

“Well, that had been the plan for years when I was growing up.  We were both looking forward to me going to Uni and then coming back after graduation to help run the business.  But after Claude…. Well, that plan fell by the wayside.  More and more it seemed as though he didn’t want me around after Uni because of Claude’s death, so I accepted the internship at the company where I am now, and just…  stayed.  It seemed to be the answer.  Father didn’t have to look at me as a reminder of Claude Anthony, and I didn’t have to see that look on his face every time I turned around.”

Demelza pulled him into an embrace.  “I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that.  But didn’t things between the two of you at Christmas seem a little better?”

“Yes, yes they did.  But the question is why?  I’m not different.  I haven’t done anything different except fall in love with you.”  This made Demelza smile.  

“Well, maybe the best thing to do is not to dwell on the why and just accept it.  Can you do that?  For me?”  She was running her fingers over Ross’s hand.

Ross chuckled, “Oh Demelza, my love, that is a hard one.  But I shall try, for you.”  Ross leaned in for a kiss to seal the deal.

 Demelza smiled at him, “Now, are you done with your pudding?  I’ll be able to wash up the dishes before I go to work?”

“Don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll clean up after I take you to the hall.  You just take care of yourself.  I’ll let Seamus outside while you’re getting ready.”  

“Aw, thanks.  You’re a real gent.”  Demelza kissed him again before heading upstairs to get ready for the concert.  

Ross sat and pondered their conversation and the upcoming weekend.  Demelza was right.  He needed to stop asking ‘why’ where his father was concerned and maybe just accept things as they are.  He missed the days when he and his father had been close, when he and his father and Claude had all three been close.  All of the little trips that they had all gone on together.  Maybe the two of them could go out riding together over the weekend.  That might be something to help ease some of the tension. 

***********

Ross was parked in the backstage parking lot for musicians, with Seamus sitting in the back seat, waiting for Demelza’s concert to be over so that they could start the drive to Cornwall.  He had taken Demelza to work and then finished packing up everything at home, along with Seamus’s food and toys.  He double-checked everything on Demelza’s list so as not to forget anything of hers, and finally locked all of the doors.  The car was going to be a tight fit with all of the luggage, Seamus’s bag, Seamus, the cello, and the two of them!  Ross loved this car.  It had been the first major purchase he made when he joined Falmouth, Pascoe & Tonkin.  He loved everything about it - the speed, the way the dashboard looked, the colour, how it handled the curves.  Demelza teased him that he takes care of his car like it’s his baby.  But lately, it had seemed a bit small.  Demelza didn’t drive, so she didn’t have a car of her own, and sometimes it seemed as though her cello was bigger than the car!  And when Seamus was with them, he took up the whole back seat!   Ross looked at Seamus, “Hey buddy what should we do?  I don’t want to give up this car for something larger.  Do you think I could get Demelza to learn how to drive?  Hmmm, what do ya think?  She could get her own car then…  she could get something bigger.  I like that idea better, don’t you?  Hmmm, Seamus? Whadya think boy?”  He looked in the backseat at his canine friend to find him asleep with his paw covering his eyes. His red coat glowed in the moonlight.  “Well thanks!  A fine friend you are!  You’re supposed to be helping me make decisions!”   

It wasn’t long before the musicians started to trickle out of the backstage door.  Usually, the musicians with the smaller instruments came out first.  Flutes and clarinets were much easier to pack up and carry than cellos and bases were.  The noise of the people laughing and talking woke Seamus up and he started barking to see what the commotion was about.  Ross spotted Demelza come out of the door so he got out of the car to help her load the cello in the boot.  She tapped on the window to say hi to Seamus and get him riled up even more.  

Ross gave her a quick kiss, “Hello, my love.  I think we still have room in the boot for the cello.”

Demelza was all smiles like she usually is after a concert.  “Well, I would certainly hope so.  I don’t think Seamus would like to ride on top!”  She watched Ross get everything to just barely fit.  “Honestly Ross, I’m beginning to think we need a bigger car!”

Ross spun his head around quickly to Demelza.  “Never!  See, everything fits just fine.  We just needed to do some clever manoeuvring!  The car is just fine.”

Demelza shook her head and laughed at him while they got in the car.   “Boys and their cars!!”

Ross was rubbing his hand on the dashboard, “Hey you hush now!  This is a beautiful car!  And she doesn’t deserve to be made fun of by you!  Maybe you should switch to a flute or a fiddle!”  

Demelza smacked him across the arm, “Never!  I love my cello.   It’s gotten me through some rough times.”

Ross grabbed her hand and kissed it, “I know Melza.  So, I’ve got us some drinks and some snacks for the road, shall we get started?”

Demelza looked up at Ross with her doe eyes, “Do ya think we can pick up some takeaway?  I’m that starved!”

Ross laughed, “Of course, anything for you, love.”

So with Seamus eating a fortune cookie in the back seat, Demelza eating her beloved Chinese takeaway, and Ross nervously watching Demelza eat Chinese in his car, they began the drive to Cornwall.

***********

Ross had pulled up his road trip playlist on Spotify to pass the time away, and of course, it was 80’s music.  It didn’t take long for the couple to start singing along with the music.  ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go soon turned into Karma Chameleon, and they were currently on a version of Livin On A Prayer.  

“Oh bloody hell, I’ve gotten hot from all of that singing,” Demelza announced.  She lowered the window down for some air to cool herself down.  “I knew I should’ve changed my clothes before I left the hall, this outfit is uncomfortable for a long car ride.”  She raised the window after a bit.

“Well, I think it’s only another hour to the hotel I reserved for us.”  Ross got a grin on his face, “ Then I can help you take your clothes off and get comfortable.”  At first Demelza didn’t catch what Ross said, and then she got it. "Hey! I caught that!!” She laughed with him.

“Hey, we make a pretty good duet there, we should cut a record!” Ross said.

“Don’t you mean a CD?  I don’t think there is much vinyl in the world anymore, unfortunately.  Did I tell you that the orchestra is going to be recording a record, erm, a CD next year?”

“What? No, you never mentioned that.  That’s exciting isn’t it?” Ross asked.

“Yes, it is.  It will be my first recording.  But it brings extra pressure to be perfect in everything I do and play.  Word has it that there’s going to be an audition for the cellos to possibly move up a chair, so I’ve really got to up my game and my practising.”

“Well, when will that be?”

“That’s the thing.  Nobody will know.  They’re just going to spring it on us to see how prepared we are.  We’re all guessing that it might happen in a couple of months, so that gives me time to really, really get it together.  I’ve always gone to Henry for help with auditions, but I’m thinking of taking some private lessons.”

“Lessons?  You?  I didn’t know that a musician of your calibre would have to still take lessons.  Is that typical?”

“Ross, I’m not as good as you think I am.”  Demelza lowered her head.

Ross furrowed his brow, “Love, what are you talking about?  You have to be good to be in the BBC Orchestra.  I don’t know much about classical music, but that is something that I do know.”

“Oh you’re sweet Ross, but I haven’t been practising as much lately as I used to, and I don’t want the maestro to be able to pick up on that.  I have to work hard to keep my place there, harder than anyone else.”

“Why do you have to work harder than anyone else?  I don’t get it.  I’m trying to understand.” Ross was confused.

“Because I haven’t been playing nearly as long as everyone else.  I didn’t start playing until 9th grade.  Most musicians start when they are way younger.  I was lucky to get a scholarship to Uni since I’d only been playing for a couple of years before I auditioned.”

“Melza, doesn’t that just show how good you are?  You got that scholarship because of all the hard work you put in those years and beat out others who had been playing longer than you.  You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Demelza let out a sigh in frustration and didn’t answer Ross.  She knew deep down that she hadn’t been practising enough for a while now.  She knew in her head that it had started to become less and less when she and Ross became more serious and were seeing more of each other.  She didn’t blame Ross for it.  She was the one that had let herself become undisciplined with her instrument, and that bothered her, especially when she looked back and thought about how much work she had done and others had done to get her to this place.  She can’t just let it slip away because she has a boyfriend.  She’d had a couple of boyfriends before and this hadn’t happened, so why was it happening now?  Surely she can handle a love life and her career at the same time.  Couldn’t she?  She knew Ross was trying to make her feel better, but she didn’t think he understood.  She needs to speak with Caroline.  It had been too long for one of their heart to hearts chats.  “Maybe that can happen this weekend,” Demelza mumbled to herself.

“What?” Ross asked.

“Huh?” Demelza said.

“You said something but I wasn’t sure what you said.”

“I did?”

“Yes, you did.  Are you alright, love?  You seem out of it.”  Ross was becoming concerned.  Demelza hadn’t said much in a while after he talked about her not giving herself enough credit.  Did he upset her?  He had been trying to understand the classical music world.  They’d had long talks about it, and he’s read articles about it in the publications BBC Music Magazine and Gramophone that Demelza subscribed to.  He knew he wasn’t an expert by any means, but he was trying.  

“I’m sorry Ross, I’m just tired.  How far are we from the hotel?”

“It should only be another 10 minutes or so.  I did as you asked and packed a separate suitcase just for our stay tonight so that we don’t have to take out all of the luggage when we check in.”  Ross was wanting to help her in any way he could.  

“Oh good, thank you.  I just thought it would be easier since we have my cello with us.”  Her voice started to sound weary.

“Babe, why don’t you take a quick shower to relax before bed?  I’ll take care of Seamus and the cello, and you just go to the room.”  He picked up her hand and kissed it lovingly.

“I think that sounds lovely.  Thank you.” Demelza smiled.

*******************

After Ross and Dem checked in at the hotel desk, she went upstairs to unwind, and he went back out to the car to give Seamus a walk and then grabbed the cello from the boot.  Ross managed to get the cello and Seamus in the lift by himself and push the button for their floor.  Seamus wasn’t too sure of the lift and started to whine.  Ross smiled down at him, “Oh yeah I don’t think you’ve be in a lift before.  Don’t worry mate, we’ll be on the floor soon enough.”  When the doors opened to their floor Seamus gave a resounding bark.  “Shhhhhh you nutter, before you get us kicked out!”

Ross opened the hotel room door and Seamus didn’t waste time checking the room out. The room was just a typical hotel room, the most important part being a king sized bed, big enough for Ross, Demelza and Seamus.   Ross heard Demelza just getting done with her shower and he opened the bathroom door.  Demelza jumped and covered herself.  Ross gave her a strange look, “Sorry, it’s just me, love.   Um, I was just wondering if you were hungry.  I could go down to the restaurant and get you a sandwich or something.”  

“No, I think I just want some tea and some biscuits.  My stomach is a little unsettled.”

“Right.  I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.  Do you think you have a stomach bug or something?” Ross stepped back from the door to try to give her some privacy.  

“No, I don’t think so.  I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired.”  Demelza finished getting dressed and stepped out of the bathroom.

“Right.  Well, there’s a kettle in the room, and I’ll go get some biscuits out of the machine.  I put the cello in the corner away from the air vent.”

“Oh thank you for remembering that.  I appreciate it.”  Demelza replied. 

“Sure.  I’ll leave you be.”  Ross said.  Ross was unfeeling uneasy.  He thought she looked pale and almost frail.  Maybe it was too soon to take Demelza home to Nampara and Cornwall.  She seemed to get on with his parents, especially his mum, so he didn’t think it had been too soon.  Maybe she was just nervous about running into her da.  They had talked about that.  He should have warned his parents about that so they would be understanding if she seemed nervous to them as well.  He made a mental note to call them in the morning before they started off.

*************

When Ross returned to the room, Demelza had given Seamus some water in his travel bowl and was settled in bed drinking some tea.  “Here are some biscuits for your tea.  I bought some pretzels too.  Those might help your stomach.”  He bent over and kissed her.

“Ohhh thank you.  I have a cuppa for you on your bedside table.”  Demelza answered back.

“Thanks.  How’s your stomach?  Any better?”  Ross started getting undressed.

“Eh.  A little.  Ross, I’m so sorry.  I know I must seem off or something.  I’ve just got a lot on my mind with the upcoming audition, coming back to Cornwall, and such.  I just need to relax a bit and I’ll be better.  I promise.”

“Demelza, honey, you don’t have to promise me anything.  I’m just concerned about you, love.  If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.  Or if you want me to just shut up, just say ‘Shut up Ross’ and I’ll shut up!”  He got up to make sure the door was locked and the lights were all turned off except for the bathroom’s light.  He came back and slid under the covers in his boxers and got himself settled to drink his tea.  Ross took her hand and kissed it. “Demelza, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me.”

“You’re scaring me Ross.” Demelza said.

“No, no nothing to be scared of.”  He made sure to look her in the eyes.  “Do you feel that coming down here to my family home was too soon for you?  I didn’t really give you a choice about coming down when we talked about it.  I didn’t think about it actually.  I just assumed that you would want to make the trip with me.  And if that’s the case, that you feel like it’s too soon, then we can turn around and go back home to London.  I can make up some excuse to my parents as to why we had to turn around and go back, but I don’t want you to feel forced about going.”

Demelza was shaking her head in amazement at the man she loved.  “Oh Ross, I don’t deserve you.  Of course I want to be here with you.  It’s not too soon.  I’m looking forward to seeing the infamous Nampara!  I am worried about running into my father, but I can’t let that worry paralyse me anymore.  I’m more concerned about the audition, but we can talk about that later.  Don’t worry about me, okay!”  She moved closer to snuggle in with Ross and gave him a long, passionate kiss.  “I love you so much, Ross.”

Seamus jumped up on the bed and joined them.

 Ross started chuckling at Seamus.  “You should have seen Seamus in the lift!  He started whining as soon as it started moving, and then when it stopped he wobbled around like he was drunk!  It was pretty funny.”

Demelza looked at Seamus and rubbed his head, “Aw Seamus, didn't you like the lift?  I don’t blame you, they always make me a bit nervy as well.”  

Ross looked at Demelza, “Do they?  I don’t think I knew that.  Why is that?” 

“Oh, it’s silly really.  I had never been in one until I went to Uni.  The practise rooms in the music building are all on the upper floors, so if you’re carrying a cello, it was easier to use the lift.  Only one time the doors got stuck and wouldn’t open.  The lift would go up and down, but the doors wouldn’t open.  I finally figured out how to set the alarm off.  Before I knew it, there were firemen and policemen in the building trying to pry open the door.  I was trying not to panic because I didn’t want anyone making fun of me when the doors would finally open.  One of the firemen actually burned his hand in the electricals trying to get the bloody doors open.  Finally, the head of maintenance for Uni showed up with the key to the elevator and was able to unlock the doors.”

“Bloody hell, that must have been awful!”

Demelza sighed.  “It was, but you know, I still make myself use them.  It’s kind of hard not to with a cello.”  Demelza snuggled into Ross’s arms.  

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that nothing’s going to harm you.”  Ross kissed the top of her head.

“Oh Ross, you can’t promise that can you?  You can’t hold my hand 24/7, or wrap me in bubble wrap.  I learned a long time ago how to take care of myself.  I didn’t have a choice.  But I just never had to worry about a lift growing up.”  She laughed at herself.  

Ross pulled her in for a long kiss.  “Let’s get some rest, okay?  It’s been a long day, and I would really like to hold you while you fall asleep.”

“Mmmm I’d like that lover.”  Demelza wondered to herself if she wasn’t just one big ball of worries or issues for Ross.  To her, it seemed like every time she turned around they were discussing some issue of hers from her past.  Was it fair to burden Ross with all of that?  She would like to just blink and make them all go away and forget them.  Will Ross finally just tire of it all and break up with her?  She closed her eyes to try to fall asleep and felt a tear leave her eye.

*****************  

The morning found Ross spooning Demelza, Demelza spooning Seamus, and Seamus twitching in his sleep as he was dreaming of running with a beautiful female Irish Setter running next to him in a field of lavender.  Ross slowly woke up to Seamus’s movements and smiled to himself at the scene in front of him.  He quietly got up and made his way into the bathroom to take a shower.  They weren’t in any rush this morning so he let Demelza get some extra sleep.  They both seemed to have had a restless night of sleep.  

Demelza woke up to the sound of the shower.  Her mind drifted to her thoughts last night and their conversations in the car.  Maybe she was making more out of things than what they really were.  She looked at Seamus.  “What do you think Seamus?  Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?”

“What are you going on about?” Ross came into the room drying himself off.

Demelza jumped at the sound of his voice.  “Oh, nothing.  Just something between Seamus and I.”  She sat up against the headboard.

“Hmmmm, should I be jealous that you’re confiding in Seamus?”  He pushed Seamus over and sat down on the bed and bent over to give her a slow kiss.  “Morning my sweet Demelza.”

Demelza ran her hand to the back of Ross’s head through his wet curls.  “Maybe.  Mmmm morning.  How did you sleep?”

“Mmm, a little restless.  How about yourself?”

“Same.  Sorry if I kept you awake.”  She continued kissing his ear.

“Oh, you didn't.  I think we were both probably restless after the drive.  When I woke up I was spooning you, and you were spooning Seamus.  Speaking of which, I think I better get him outside and let him do his thing.”

“Oh must you?”  Seamus barked.  “Oh alright.  I was hoping for a little….”

Ross smiled at her, “A little what?”

“You know, a little….  fun?”  Demelza was trying to be a little bold in asking for what she wanted sexually, but it wasn’t easy for her.

Ross took heart in her trying to be forward and gave her another kiss.  “Ohhhh, well we could probably arrange something when I get back.”

***************

Ross was out walking Seamus when his phone rang. He noted that it was Joshua. 

“Dad, hi, what’s up?”

“Hello, Ross.  Look Prudie and your mum were wondering if you could stop off at the shop and pick up a few items.  I would do it myself but I’m helping Jud with a hole in the fence.”

“Sure, no problem, just text me the list and any specific instructions.”

“Alright, I’ll tell them.”

“Say, Dad. Um, you know that Demelza is from Illugan don’t you?” Ross asked his father

“Yes, I suspect she might want to visit with family while you’re both here.”

“No, no, that’s what I wanted to mention.  Demelza and Drake haven’t had contact with their da in years.  There was a lot of abuse in the family.  I thought Mum might have told you about this.  But anyway, she’s been nervous about coming down here because she’s worried that she might run into her da.  So if she seems a bit off, that’s probably the reason why.”

“Oh, yes, I remember your mother saying something.  Well, hopefully, nothing like that will happen.  What’s her father’s name?”  Joshua replied.

“Tom Carne.  Supposedly he doesn’t stray from home much, so hopefully, she won’t run into him.  I just wanted to make sure you were aware.”  

“Alright.  When do you think you’ll be on your way soon?” Joshua asked.

“Probably an hour or so.  I’m walking Seamus now, and we haven’t had brekkie yet.  Just text me the shopping list and we’ll stop and get it on our way.  I’ll text you when we head out.”  Ross answered back.

“Alright, sounds good son.  We’ll see you when you get here.  Cheers.”

“Cheers Dad.”

Jud looked at Joshua as he ended his call with Ross.  “So Mr. Joshua, are ye finally goin to tell yer boy the truth of what’s goin on down ‘ere?” Jud asked in a voice that all of his 60-some years of life has made it sound like he had swallowed a bunch of gravel.

Joshua squinted at him with the sun in his eyes, “That’s the plan, Jud.  That’s the plan.”

“Well, it’s ‘bout damn time if ye ask me.  He should’ve been told a long time ago.” Jud scolded his boss.

“Well Jud, the decision wasn’t mine to make, it was up to Mrs. Grace, so we all have had to abide by that decision.  But it’s not going to be easy, tell…”  Joshua stopped talking because of the knot in his throat that rose from his gut.  “Fuck Jud.  I can’t lose her.  I can’t…”

Jud rested a hand on Mr. Joshua’s shoulder.  The two men had gone through alot together over the years.  

****************

After the phone call, Ross and Seamus returned to the hotel room, to find Demelza dressed and packing up the overnight bag.  Ross was a little puzzled.  “Hey, you're dressed. Did I take too long?”

She turned to him and put her arms around him.  “Well lover, while you were gone, my visitor showed up.”

Ross furrowed his eyebrows, “What?  Who visited you here?”

Demelza tilted her head and gave Ross the side eye, “My monthly visitor.”

Ross just stared at her tilting his head like Seamus, and finally, it hit him what she was trying so delicately to say, “Oh, oh, ohhhhh, I get it.  You got yourrrr, oh um yeah I get it.”  Ross was hoping that his face wasn’t turning red by now.  He cleared his voice, “Well, that’s a bummer.  Is there anything I can do? To help you feel better?”

Demelza was getting a kick out of watching Ross stumble over the topic of discussion.  They had never really talked much about this aspect of her life since they officially started living together. Her cycle had never really been regular growing up, which her gynaecologist attributed to the malnourishment she endured while growing up.  When she moved in with Ross and went on the pill, her cycle became normal and she was having to deal with it more than ever before. 

“Not at the moment, although I might need a back rub at some point this weekend.  It’s probably why I wasn’t feeling well last night.  Oh, and I’ll need to stop off at a shop before we go to your parents so that I can pick up some supplies.  I have a few things with me in case of an emergency, but I will definitely need more.”

“Supplies?  Oh yes, supplies.  I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a stupid idiot.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman when she had her… visitor.”  Ross’s phone dinged.  Saved by the bell he thought to himself.  It was Prudie sending her shopping list.  “Oh, and we need to stop off at the shop anyway.  Prudie just sent me a shopping list.  So, you can get everything you need.”    

“She sent you a shopping list?  Is that normal?” Demelza was curious now.

Ross wrinkled his brow again, “Actually, no.  It isn’t.  Dad said he was helping Jud fix a hole in the fence so he couldn’t go.” Ross wasn't really sure why his dad would be going to the store instead of his mum anyway, but he went along with it.  He looked at his watch, “So I guess we should finish up packing, get something to eat and then head out.”

“Okay, although I’m not really hungry, I’ll just drink some tea while you eat.”  Demelza pulled Ross closer to her by his belt loops and nuzzled on his neck.  “And just for the record, I am disappointed that we won’t be able to make love this weekend, even though I was nervous about doing it in your parent's home.”

Ross wrapped his arms around Demelza and hugged her tight.  “No worries, I understand.”  Seamus barked at the couple.  “And Seamus understands too!”

**************

Ross was parked in the parking lot of the grocery store.  Demelza was looking at the list on his phone that Prudie had sent.  “Leeks, potatoes, mush peas, carrots, cream, flour, bacon, a beef roast.  Looks pretty standard.  Are you going to stay in the car with Seamus, or do you want me to stay in the car with Seamus?”  Demelza asked.

“I think we can both go in.  It won’t take us that long, and he’s usually pretty good in the car by himself.  Besides, you have to buy your supplies.  I might be a man of today’s world, but I have yet to buy feminine hygiene products.  Oh and let’s forget that she said mushy peas, and let’s get frozen peas.  I hate mushy peas.”  Ross said.

Demelza laughed at Ross.  “Oh, you poor male specimen who has never purchased tampons….”

“STOP!!!!  I hate that word!!”  Ross screamed.

Demelza looked puzzled, “What word?  Ohhhh tampon!  You seriously don’t like the word tampon?”

“Please stop saying it!!  Just say feminine hygiene products or something.” Ross begged.

Demelza laughed, “Oh this is going to be priceless for the next 40 years!  What about the words Maxi Pads!!  Do you hate those words too?”

“Demelzaaaaa please stop!”  Now Ross was whining.

“Do the words mushy peas have the same effect?”  Demelza was now playing with Ross’s ear and tickling him.

“Stoooop! No, I don't mind the words mushy peas, I just hate the way they taste and the texture of them makes me want to gag!!”

“Oh, you poor baby!  Alright, we’ll both go in to get all of the food including frozen peas, and TAMPONS!!!!!”   Demelza laughed at the gagging sound that Ross made.

***********

Ross and Demelza had made it through the shop quickly enough even with old friends of the family stopping Ross to say hello to him.  They had paid for all of their groceries and the TAMPONS and were making their way back to the car when they heard someone yell at Ross.

“Ross Poldark!!  Good to see ye back in town.”  Ross turned around at the familiar voice.

“Zacky Martin!  How the hell are ya, mate?!”  They both gave each other a huge, brotherly hug.  It’s great to see you Zacky.  Oh let me introduce to you my girlfriend Demelza, Demelza this is Zacky Martin my best mate in Cornwall.  I’ve told you about some of the trouble we used to get up to!  Zacky is Jenny’s uncle.”

“Oh yes, that Zacky!”  Demelza held out her hand to shake his hand.  “It’s nice to finally meet you and put a face to the crimes that have been committed!!”

“Well Ross you sure have yerself a looker here, and I can tell a brave smart one!  Much better than that Elizabeth.”

Ross cleared his throat, “Yeah well, it just took me a while to find the right someone to put up with all my bullshit.”

Zacky looked at Demelza, “Well Miss Demelza you sure have your work cut out for ye.”  Zacky looked at Ross seriously, “So, I suppose Ross, you bein’ here to come to see yer mum.”

Ross wrinkled his eyebrows in puzzlement at Zacky, “Yeah, she did ask us to come home over New Year’s weekend.  They came up for Christmas, so she was adamant about us coming down to Nampara for New Year’s…”  

Ross saw a strange look on Zacky’s face staring back at him.  “Right, right, she seemed very excited the other day that you were comin’ down.  Well, I better get going before Mrs. Zacky sends the coppers out for me.  Ah, it was good seeing you again Ross, nice to meet you, Miss Demelza.  Cheers.”  

“Zacky…” Ross yelled after his friend, but Zacky just waved at him.

Demelza and Ross watched how fast Zacky took off and looked at each other. 

“Well, love, I’ve only just met the bloke, but even I just got a weird vibe from him,” Demelza responded.

Ross looked at her, “You’re not wrong, love.  He acted like he couldn’t  get away from me fast enough,  like he …knew something.”  Ross pushed the grocery cart over to his car to unload it.

“What do you mean Ross?  What do you think he knows?”  Demelza helped load up the groceries and got back in the car while Ross took the cart back.  She was worried about Ross and the look on his face.  

Ross got back in the car and put his seatbelt on and didn’t say a word at first.  He was just staring ahead and was gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white.  “I’ve known Zacky all my life.  He’s gotten me through a lot of shitty times including Claude Anthony’s death.  I’ve never seen him skirt away from a conversation like that before.  He said something like the reason we were here was just to see me, mum, didn’t he?  Is that what you got out of what he said?”

Demelza was starting to feel really concerned for Ross, and any possible reasons as to why Grace had really asked them to come down for New Year’s.  “I thought that’s kinda what he was getting at.”  She put her hand on his shoulder hoping that he could feel her support.  

“Why would we be here just to see mum, Dem?  This just confirms my feeling that my mother is sick.  Really sick.”  His eyes started to tear up.  He pounded on the steering wheel a couple of times.  Demelza gently grabbed his arm and stopped him.  

“Ross, I’m so sorry.  What can I do?” Demelza was reaching to hold him in any way that she could.  

“I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I just want to scream and punch something!!  How could they keep something like this from me?  I bet this was all Dad, keeping me out of the loop on purpose.  It has to be!”

“Shhh, Ross darlin.  Oh my love, go ahead and cry.  It’s probably best to get it out now instead of at home.”  This was one of the few times that Demelza has ever wished that she could drive.  Ross wasn’t in a good place to drive right now, even if it was just a few miles down the road.  She could probably fudge it if it was an automatic, but the sports car was a stick shift and she knew that she would probably ruin the car if she attempted it.  She never understood that whole foot pedal thing and shifting.  “Ross, do you want to go sit down somewhere like a coffee shop to settle yourself down?  Maybe some tea would do you some good.  I’m not familiar with this area so I don’t know what’s around but I’m sure Google could help me find something.”  She started looking at her phone for a coffee shop or restaurant.

“No, I’ll be fine.” Ross was wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“Are you sure?  We’re really not in any hurry.  Oh look, there’s a place just down the street here.  Let’s go check it out.”  Ross looked at her phone and shook his head.  He started the car and headed for the local coffee shop.  He was just hoping that he didn’t run into anyone that he knew. 

They went in for a cuppa and some biscuits and sat near the window so that they could keep an eye on Seamus.  Ross took a big sigh and rubbed his hands over his face and then rubbed them on his thighs.  Demelza had learned a while ago that this was a habit of Ross’s when he was nervous or stressed.  He touched his face a lot.   Demelza grabbed one of his hands and didn’t let go.  They didn’t say much. Demelza felt it best not to talk about it and get Ross stirred up again.  She hated to see him like this, but she knew how close Ross was to his mum.  

Demelza looked at the time on her phone.  “Do you think we need to let Seamus out somewhere to do his thing?”

Ross shook his head no.  “We’re not that far away.  He’ll be fine.”  He pushed his chair away from the table and threw away the napkins and cups.  Demelza got up and grabbed his hand as they left the coffee shop and went back to the car.  She wrapped him in her arms before they got in the car and just held him tight.  Ross tucked his face into Demelza’s neck and breathed in her scent.  “Thank you, Demelza.”

“For what?”

“For encouraging me to stop and take a beat, calm myself down a little.  You knew what I needed before I did.”  He raised his head and gave Demelza a long kiss on the lips.  It wasn’t a kiss of fire and lust, but one of love and gratefulness.  He pulled away to look into those blue eyes.  “Every day Demelza, I thank God that you are in my life. I love you more and more every day of our life together.”

“Oh Ross, now you got me in tears!”

He bent his head to look at her.  “Struth, my love..”  He gave her another long kiss, while Seamus started barking at them to get going from inside the car.

**************

Side Note:  The story about the lift/elevator really happened to me when I was 12! Lol.  I was in the elevator by myself for 90 minutes.  It would go up and down but the door wouldn’t open, and a fireman did get his hand burned trying to get the electrics to work!

Song Cue!!  I didn’t give this chapter a Beetles or Billy Joel song title.  As I was writing the chapter and going over and over it, I realised that I put a song cue in it.  I couldn’t remember what the song was, but I could hear just the first line of it.  Did you spot it?  It’s from the musical “Sweeney Todd”!  Strange I know lol.  

[rist-ix]

Hi Rist!

How are you? Almost done with uni for this year? Any chance you can give a sneak peek into the next chapter of TBHTBH?

Uni’s done for the year, heck yeah. Sorry for answering so late I’ve been in the trenches of internship application

And there is a sneak peak I can give you!!!

Her escape attempts, despite Darcy’s best efforts, don’t stop. To be fair, it’s more out of routine than anything else, and everyone in the castle is aware of it. She’s not actually thinking any of her attempts will succeed.

But it’s the principle of the thing.

Sooner or later, during her explorations of the Palace, she’ll stray too far towards the portal room. Sometimes without even knowing it — she’s really not good at keeping her bearings. That’s when one of her three guard dogs will show up to shepherd her back onto the right path.

In the beginning, she’d thought she might be able to overpower them, and reach the portal anyway. Even half-drained she’d held her own against Icy, after all, and none of the Trix can do what Valtor can to disable her powers.

She is proven wrong.

“Ugh,” Darcy groans, doing the bare minimum and leaning to the side to avoid getting hit, “I literally cannot believe you are making me do this.”

Bloom doesn’t lower her guard, and is lucky for it. The sphere of darkness Darcy summons to blind her goes wide thanks to her quick reaction.

“My free time is limited enough as it is. I thought we were bonding!”

She doesn’t pause and answers with a blast of her own, staying in motion.

“You could just let me escape!” she gives back, breathless, trying to estimate how much further until she can make a run for it. “Think of how much free time you’d have then!”

The witch sighs and her hands flare purple, which is never a good sign. Zooming backwards on anxiously fluttering wings, she summons her shields while simultaneously trying to gauge how close she is to the portal. Darcy is tricky, but she can’t hope to match her in strength, and her chances will likely never be better—

Darcy picks that precise moment to reveal herself as an illusion — shit — dissolving into thin air and reappearing as the real thing right next to her. Before she can even think to raise her hand for an attack, the smuggest witch of them all has already pushed her back against the wall, rolled her eyes, and snapped something cold and metallic shut around her wrist.

She has time to blink, but nothing more. Then her wings and transformation vanish with an audible poof, and she drops the ground like a sack of flour.

She looks down on her arms.

“Darcy,” she asks, not sure why she bothers. “Are those handcuffs?”

“Sure are.”

“Oh come on!” she groans, staring at the plain, crude metal band around her wrist that had somehow turned her powerless once more. “How many more ways of blocking my magic does he need? This is getting ridiculous.”

Darcy, entirely unsympathetic, starts dragging her back towards the ballroom-turned-fighting-ring by the chain between the two cuffs. Only one of them is actually binding her, but that seems to be enough for whatever counter-spell these things have attached to them.

“Not as ridiculous as you insisting to do the thing I explicitly told you won’t help you,” she huffs. “You do know what they say about people who try the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, right?”

Bloom shrugs, unbothered.

“It’s not like I have much else to do. Care to explain how these” — she shakes her hand, making the handcuffs rattle — “nixed my transformation?

She sighs, deeper this time.

“Maybe you’re simply having ‘performance issues’.”

Oh. Oh, that petty son of a witch—

“Valtor told you to say that, didn’t he,” she growls.

“Yup,” Darcy chirps without a care in the world. “And that’s all you’re gonna get from me.”

By the time they’ve reached the ballroom and she has finally taken the manacles off of her again, Bloom has given up on needling her.

There is no use trying to get anything out of Darcy. It’s like she said: if she wants something to stay hidden, it stays hidden.

Luckily, she knows that Icy is off-planet for a while, and that Darcy would not miss her precious spa day for the world. So it only takes two more days until Stormy is the one on babysitting duty.

[natscbi]

01.09.23 - 1/100dop

moved out of my accommodation so the productivity has just been packing and unpacking (and some tidying to help around the house)! but that’s fine

no photo today since there’s nothing even mildly aesthetic to post about that lol

i’m glad i get to see my family and pets again after a long term+summer away 💛

bonus 2023 life update:

second term - uni continued to go okay after christmas vacation; mental wellbeing continued to be slightly questionable

easter vacation - saw friends, tried to revise (could have done more but didn’t go too badly)

third term - shorter than the others, less work since exams were coming up but the content was a bit spicy

exams - oh boy - a mixture honestly, shoutout to one subject for having both my best and worst papers. we got through it, thanks to my friends ngl

internship - 2 months summer lab internship! it was definitely an Experience but i enjoyed it, read/learned/figured out a Lot and had some really nice colleagues

results - another 2-1! a very high one as well so i am happy. but i do think a first is within reach for my final year (which counts for everything). materials was my lowest grade and kind of least favourite overall so girl bye, it’s chemistry for the foreseeable future

other:

languages - ngl really fell off since easter bc uni / working 9-5 was tiring. we’re so back though (we’re actually not, ttmik went paid-only so not sure what i’m going to do about that… in the meantime, duo italian my beloved…) i might just buy the ttmik level 4 (or 3, which i’m technically on) book

personal - taking steps with my mental state, actually a W at this point

new piercings and piercing plans. hehe

that is all.

🎵 HONEY (Are You Coming?) - Måneskin

[louisweek]

Hii OMG where do i began so much has happened since last time we’ve talked and at the same time it feels like nothing has changed at all not like about anything specific but just life in general. I have been in a funk for no reason at all for the last month, spend a month of summer vacations at home but a few weeks ago started going out with my family after my mother forced me loll and I’ve been hanging out with my friends so I’m much better now!

I’m so glad you’re okay. Don’t worry about the future i mean its easier said than done but as a wise man once said have faith in the future i’m sure it’ll all worked out in the end. Job market is shit rn and it sucks constantly being taunted I’m sooo sorry :(. I’m graduating next year and I’m already dreading not being able to find a job and no longer going to uni to escape from home. Currently I’m slaving at a law firm for free ugh i hate unpaid internships 😭should be illegal.

I miss 2010s life was so much easier when we were teens.

Anddd how could i forget youu i’d never babe!!

you know in a weird sense i can also really relate with that first line. i feel like a whole new person and also not.

can't gauge what context supplies the meaning of you being in a funk but anyway glad you got to feeling better. good friends are almost as good as a chai on a rainy day if not better :)) at least in my opinion

thank youu 🥺 that's really reassuring to hear (read) amidst the current chaos of my head and heart and yesss that break after uni with no job will be really hard to not get restless within :<( but it's still good that you've got an internship going even if it's unpaid {law usually is just slavery} as you'll find the transition smoother then and have something to build from on your resume. god knows i had taken my uni days to escape from the real™ world and not gain experience™ instead and it really came to bite me in the ass in its due course aaaah the real world really does suck monica was right but I don't love it at all

oh the 2010s 😮‍💨 shah rukh khan movies and school drama and the greatest pressure being that of whatever semester exams were going on. what a time what a time what a time

well i'm most relieved to know that thank you very very much i couldn't ever forget you either just to be sure again <3!!

[abistasiasims]

Generation 7 Expose

ok... i know i took a big break after gen 6, so that's why there wasn't one then... but there was so much weird stuff behind the scenes this time I need to tell someone besides my friends in 3+ min snapchat videos explaining the strangeness that is this save file

first off... daisy... this ugly dog. this dog was supposed to be a shar pei

those are NOT the same dog... this dog gave me nothing but grief... when it died, maeve and elián were in the middle of trying for the twins. not only that, the dog walked into their bedroom during the act JUST TO DIE!

winston was so cute and I honestly miss him, but good god daisy was a piece of work. i also cheated scout to live longer because I didn't want to deal with another horse that would outlive maeve and be left to lottie to care for.

regarding the twins, i had no name ideas for them so i let the sims name randomizer help me out (honestly I only knew spence's name prior to the birth) so when jo was born first I was like "oh little women, that's cute!" and named her that. with teddy, I got teddy first but since I already had charlotte being called lottie, I wanted the same with teddy so theodore it was. it wasn't until the twins were INFANTS and I was in cas that I realized he was also named after little women... not only that, named after the man who falls in love with jo originally. i swear I didn't mean to imply any incest with this generation, the sims name generator did it! (insert crying emoji I would use if I wasn't on a PC rn)

now to thimble... maeve officially has had the most thimble's die on her with 4 or 5. I'm unsure because I can't find screenshots of one of them so I'm at 16 in my game but only have enough screenshots for 15... I will be pretending the current 16 (who is actually the 2nd 16 since the first died in 3 real minutes) isn't real and we will have the real 16 when this one dies.

this is the family tree as of today (3/23)

ik i'm ahead with it because i queue posts in advance (I'm actually about a 1.5 weeks into gen 8 rn) but my god the distant relatives are strange.

i like to go into manage worlds and give distant relatives spouses and children for my own enjoyment to fill out the family tree, but they like to die right after I do that.

hunter sigworth (christian from gen 5's vampire spouse) died... of EMBARASSMENT! his grandson, beejay (the sims picked that name... i didn't), died of burning in the sun because I forgot to cheat him and his brother to be immune to it... still haven't done it but this keeps me entertained so I probably won't.

valentine from gen 5's daughter-in-law died from poison and his son remarried questionably young. that same son's son from the poison wife died from falling by heights when he had just had a daughter with his wife.

oliver's (gen 3) great-grandson died of electrocution days after him and his husband adopted a daughter, while that same great-grandson's mother (oliver's granddaughter-in-law) died by killer rabbit.

ANYWAY... thank you all for following along with this family! i have so much fun with them and their ridiculousness and I hope you do as well. I'll see you in the next generation. maybe 3 weeks maybe 3 months, who knows with me lol. my final spring semester (ik crazy I graduate uni this December) ends at the end of April and my only commitment this summer is an internship I still haven't found so I should have more time then! I'm on spring break (as of writing this) rn so that's why I've had so much time recently.

[dylanpadgetblogs101]

Internship E-Portfolio 4

Throughout my time over the proses of the internships I faced many challenges however the challenges were not major they were stepping stones to a journey of personal development.

From the beginning when I was preparing my applications for the interview a challenge I found was understanding what a professional application looked like and how I could make myself stand out.

LinkedIn, (2023) has stated that having challenges is good because it allows us to learn and grow. Without adversity we will never grow and make our organisation better.

However I used my networks at Uni to guild me through and came out with a pretty good understanding. Moving into the interview stage a challenge I had was being able to talk myself up professionally and understanding where to look when online and what clothes was bets to wear. Through practise a guidance I understood and learnt many tools that allowed me to build a professional profile in and out of interviews.

Achtenhagen et al, (2017) has explained that business development allows organisations to grow in many areas allowing their challenges to become their strengths.

During my internship I did come across some challenges some of those were understanding when to ask questions and when not to, understanding how to complete office tasks and how to get it done in the fastest time possible, and I had challenges of motivation and the continuation of being there for so long doing the boring tasks.

How I got over these was by understanding the little tasks make the big tasks easier, not asking questions the whole time but giving suggestions they think is best and during the last section of my time there I started to reflex on why I’m here and it helped me understand which led to it being easier to get through allowing me to take a lot of knowledge away with me as part of my personal development in an organisation.

Galea et al, (2014) has stated that organisations with flexible working hours will show more success within there employees as they won’t be as burnt out and will have more time to balance life and work. Providing them with the energy to perform at the highest level.

Walking into the internship at Basketball Victoria I was nervous, I was scared of stuffing up and I was scared that it wasn’t going to develop me for future employment. What I can say now is that after completing the internship of 231 hours, I have walked out being confident not only in myself but confident in being able to tackle admin and office jobs, understand why we do things, and why you need to trust the proses cause everything I completed has made me stronger in one way or another.

The Essential Trait for Overcoming Challenges

(Latumahina, c 2015)

[holmesgleninternship]

Entry 8 - Your overall reflections on the internship and your studies

My overall internship experience has been tiring, but something that I was encouraged. Internships identify what I can do and what I do not want to do. It shows the perspective of a real-life working environment. It could be the next step in getting a career that you will like (Forbes, 2022). The internship programs given to us were good but wish we had more internships in different sports. Internship programs are related to the courses that we are doing, which can help us develop and gain more outside of the classroom and use what we have learned for our internships (Anjum, 2020).

My Baseball Australia internship was one of the best experiences I had since moving to Melbourne. I have loved the game so much since I was young and felt so much excitement coming back to a baseball field. The role I did was really good since I was so interested in data analytics in sports. This gave me an opportunity to know and understand what is like working with the high-performance and data analytics department. The recent games I did were the best because I had a chance to sit beside the game production team. This can give me a chance and experience what it is like during gameday and the production crew. And I had a great supervisor guiding and discussing what was happening in the sports industry.

My Hockey Australia internship had some ups and downs. It started off very well with joining meetings, developing a live stream event, preparing for shipment to the events and assisting some of the departments with their spreadsheet. Then, it went downhill after not doing so much work and just joined the different events they had in their workplace.

But this internship experience is something I should be proud of doing. It really feels like going to normal full-time work, but we do not get paid. Hopefully, after I am done with Uni, this will lead me to get a full-time job in the sporting industry.

References:

Anjum, S. (2020). Impact of internship programs on professional and personal development of business students: a case study from Pakistan. Future Business Journal, 6(1), 2.

Forbes. (2022). The Importance Of Internships And The Invaluable Relationships They Bring. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2022/08/12/the-importance-of-internships-and-the-invaluable-relationships-they-bring/?sh=1fc3ae417fd1

[billyrussohaven]

Kinktober - Day 10

Day - 10 Praise kink

Rating: Explicit 18+

Warnings: Swearing, 

Buy me a coffee! - Masterlist

You have been an intern at Anvil for a little over ten months now. Mostly working with Laura, Mr. Russo's personal assistant, but taking over some facets of her job so you could learn and get a real taste of the job as you studied at the Uni.

"...I've also rescheduled tomorrow's 3PM meeting and finally, prepared the contract for Senator Ori's fundraising at the Royal Hospitality in two weeks." You finished handing him the file with said contract in taking a deep breath after talking non-stop for what felt like an hour. You were in Mr. Russo's office standing in front of his desk in your usual impeccable pencil skirt suit.

"Good girl," he murmured absentmindedly, reading the contract you had prepared. He was once again quite satisfied with the documentation you had prepared.

You inhaled sharply at the praise, feeling your face heat up. You almost moaned at the words Billy Russo used toward YOU. Yeah, he was your boss still for the next five minutes so you really had to keep it together. You had resisted his charm and advances for the past year. You couldn’t possibly let go now.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you one more time, Miss Y/LN. Are you sure you won't take up on my offer to stay and work full-time for Anvil when you're done with your education this spring? You did so good here. We really are going to miss you," he said, closing the file and giving you his best smile.

You became even more flustered at his words and he tilted his head to one side, barely, wondering what he did to make you react this way.

"I-I..I mean yeaNO! I really must decline your gracious offer once again, BillySIR I mean Sir," you floundered clumsily, looking down at your heels to hide your face.

Billy looked at the time on his Rolex watch and smirked seeing you were officially not on his payroll anymore, now being after 5PM. He stood up from behind his desk and walked around it to his small private bar to pour himself a drink.

"Care to join me for a drink now that you're done with your internship?" He asked, pouring a second one before you even answered. You bit your lower lip nervously and nodded, sitting down on one of the armchairs in front of his desk.

"Use your words, Y/N. I can't hear you nod." He smirked wryly, turning and walking toward you with two glasses.

You chuckled timidly, not meeting his gaze.

"Yes, sir. I'd like to join you for a drink," you responded, taking the glass from his hand. Your fingers brushed his and you squeezed your thighs together. The movement didn't go unnoticed by Billy's hawk eyes. He leaned back on his desk in front of where you were sitting, two feet from you. You sipped on your drink and your eyes trailed up his body, from his clean shoes to his tie. Your eyes met his and you looked away quickly, cursing yourself at being caught red-handed. 

"Do you like it when I tell you you’re a good girl, Y/N?" He asked, looking at you with a dark hungry look, like you were a juicy piece of meat. Your head snapped to his and you looked at him surprised, eyebrows flying off and your pretty lips parted. You couldn't ignore it anymore, Billy Russo was definitely flirting with you.

"I-I do like it," you admitted. You were breathing fast at all the possibilities....Possibilities you tried very hard to fight and ignore for the last months but now that you weren't his employee anymore...

Something shifted behind his eyes, he licked his top teeth and tilted his head to one side. He offered you his hand, waiting for you to stand up and join him closer. You stood, walking slowly to him as he reeled you in with his charm. You held your glass with two hands, as if you didn't trust them to wander freely so close to him. He brushed the side of your face with the back of his hand with a featherlight touch. 

"Tell me to stop and I will," he said, giving you an easy way out without pressuring you to stay.

"You may leave whenever, Y/N." He murmured, brushing your hair carefully. You shook your head, not wanting to go, putting your glass down somewhere on his desk.

"Good girls get rewards, you know" he said, his hand moving downward to brush your arm, down to your hand. He held it in his and brought it to his mouth to kiss it like a gentleman. His eyes were sparkling with wickedness and they made you gasp softly. He moved his hands to your hips, moving slowly not to pressure you but getting needy, impatient inside him. He pulled you closer to his body, opening his legs for you to stand between them.

"What kinda reward does this good girl want?" He whispered in your ear, his nose brushing the sensitive skin down your neck. It sent a jolt of goosebumps down your neck and you let out a small moaning sound. Your body pressed itself against his automatically, your hands disappearing under his jacket.

"Take me on your desk, Sir." You asked boldly, your brain giving up and desire taking over every inch of you. Giving away so easily what you've found yourself craving for the past year. 

He groaned at your words, gripping your jaw with one hand and smirking wickedly over your face. 

"Naughty girl," he said, leaning down to kiss you. You kissed him back, deepening the kiss and sliding in your tongue. His hands caressed the side of your waist and in one swoop motion, he was holding you, turning you around to sit on the edge of his desk. You made a small squeeze of surprise and chuckled over his lips. Your hands caressing his neck and chest. He moved your skirt higher up on your hips and hooked his fingers inside your damp panties, sliding them off your legs. He pocketed them with a sly grin, enjoying the shocked reaction on your face.

“I’m guessing I’m not gonna get these back, am I?” you asked, reaching down to undo his belt and free him of his boxer, hands shaky with adrenaline and impatience. You fisted him like the good girl you were, making him groan and thrust into your touch. He reached inside his pocket to pull a condom out and expertly roll it securely on his hard cock. He pulled you closer to the edge of his desk and brushed his cock over your folds making both of you moan.

"You're gonna take all of it like a good girl?" He asked, teasing your entrance with the head of his cock. His other hand closed around your neck, applying a slight pressure.

"Yes," you answered breathlessly, your hips moving forward instinctively, needing his dick deep inside you. He pushed it past your entrance and only stopped when he was fully sheathed inside of you. He groaned loudly over your mewling sounds, his head hanging back, lost in the feeling.

"So fuckin' tight, Y/N. Does anyone even reward this cunt, babygirl? Maybe I should make you my goodgirl," he thought out loud, pulling out and in again, stretching your walls.

"Oh god! Yes! Please! I'll be good I promise," you gasped with a needy little voice. You were already panting, your lips parted and a little permanent frown on your face from the intense pleasure he was giving you.

“Yeah? You gonna be good to me, baby? Huh? You gonna take whatever I give you without whining?” He asked between clenched teeth, thrusting hard inside you. He licked and left open-mouthed kisses down your neck to your breasts. You shrugged off your small jacket and unbuttonned your blouse, giving him better access to your breasts. His lips automatically went to them like a magnet. He sneaked a hand under the bra and took one breast out, palming and sucking on it as he fucked you faster.

“Oh Billy...Please, sir...Yes!” you said between moans and lewd noises. He hummed over one breast, loving how you moaned his name like a prayer. He let go of your breast with a loud sucking sound and looked down where his dick disappeared inside your cunt. He took a strong hold of you with both hands and fucked you at an obscene pace and force. You cried out in pleasure, unable to keep up with his thrusts, your hands gripping at the desk for support. You made little whimpering noises at the mindblowing orgasm about to wreck you apart.

“Oh, I know, baby. I know. It’s almost over. Come on, sweetheart. Be a good girl and come for me,” he grunted, feeling his balls about to burst fucking open. He carefully aimed and spilled a dollop of his saliva over your clit and moved a hand to frantically rub it to ease you in your own orgasm.

It hit you like a lightning bolt and you gasped loudly, shutting your eyes at the mindblowing orgasm spreading through every inch of you like liquid fire. You barely held yourself up as you came loudly holding on to him for support.

“That’s it, such a good girl, so good,” he murmured under his breath, watching you come apart over his desk. He fucked you through your high and then focused on his own right around the corner. It barely took him a minute more to come loudly, emptying his load in the condom.  He kissed your forehead, holding your head with one hand at the back of it. He kissed you slowly, breathing heavily through his nose as his heart rate calmed down. He held you close for a few minutes before sliding off you and getting rid of the condom. You stood up carefully on your wobbly legs and dressed yourself up, fixing your outfit. He came back from cleaning himself up a bit and couldn’t resist kissing you one more time before you had to go.

“May I call you at some point if I want a good girl to join me for an evening?” he asked, resting his hands over your hips. You chuckled and nodded sheepishly, biting your lower lip.

“Good girl,”

*****

@the-purity-pen​

TAGLIST

Comment to be added

@lady-kirigan​

@pensandthings

@marimorena06

@paracosmenthusiast

@sad-hoshi037

@sam-hollandsgirl

@stuckysavedmylive

@carlywhomever

@deviantsendbyreallife​

@the-cult-of-russo​

@my-day6​

@ilkaeliseb​

@bisexualbilly​

[mirclealignr]

I'm in a depressive state and it's only getting worse by the hour

I have a 12-15 page exam paper due to the 30th of September and haven't started yet. During the consultation with my professor we came to the conclusion that the text I want to work on is extremely difficult to do so bc there's literally no academic research on it and just some ratings and book critics on the author himself I need to have the paper done by the end of next week bc after that I'm going into a 3 week internship at a school for 2 other exams (portfolios for teacher stuff) and I don't know where to start and how and I'm just so overwhelmed by everything bc I'm already in my 7th semester and if I don't pass these exams I'll lose my financial support from the government and if I have to take on a job then I won't finish studying by the time I want to BC I'd have to postpone so many seminars and lectures BC I need to study 3 subjects to become a teacher and I'm on the verge of just quitting everything but I'm a working class child and I don't want all those years I already spent at uni to go to waste just because I'm such a lazy procrastinating person

Please if you or your followers have any advice on what to do I'm begging

okay first, you probably need to take a break and get yourself a glass of water and just take a step back. Because the more you try and do this and stress yourself out, the worse it’s gonna be. You have come so far and overcome so many essays exams and difficult deadlines—you can do this too. You absolutely have the ability to smash this essay and do everything else that you need to do. I believe in you.

but that sounds like a really difficult situation. Is the text that you’re doing the only text you can do your exam on or is there another one you can do without losing a significant amount of time? If that is the only one you can do, you might have to just go with the reviews on the author himself because that might have things like whether he’s an accurate writer, whether his views are adopted by a large audience or whether he’s quite controversial. It might not though, i don’t know. Your opinion counts too, though. But I mean it is a really difficult thing to write a paper without any reviews on what you’re writing.

are there any services that your university or library offers that help you with essay writing? Because I booked a slot last year when my exams were coming up to talk to a woman about where I was going wrong with my essays and what I could do to improve and she also looked at one of my essays that I had already written to critique. I was doing well but I wasn’t getting 100% on things so I knew there were places I could improve. it was only an hour or so but it did help and my marks did go up and they did offer advice on what I could do.

I know this sounds obvious and it does sound like you’ve already done this, but speak to your lecturer & your academic advisor. I don’t know what you call that in your school but we call it an academic advisor. you could also speak to the head of the course to get some advice. 

and when I don’t know how to start an essay, I literally just start. And I don’t mean that to sound ridiculous, but I just write something down no matter how bad it is, no matter how bad the english is, and no matter how stupid the answer is. but as long as I have a baseline and something to build on, I can go back and edit and improve and better the arguments. Plus when i’m writing this i usually get into the groove and things start coming to me. Maybe write down everything you know about the topic and could include, write what you know about the author and definitely read those reviews even if they are just about the author, they might have something useful in there.

When it comes to procrastinating, I have been there, I am there. I am one of the worst at procrastinating. Something that has really helped me, is scheduling my day from the tiny little things to the really big things. I even put in to take my pills, to read for 10 minutes a day, to make my bed, all the way to start my essay, apply for jobs, do my interview. everything, I put everything in there. i’ve even put in when my flights are, when my university lectures are and from what time to what time. I know that it’s all online, but it’s easier to see it in my planner with everything else that I have to do that day. 

wishing you the best and sending you luck !

[specsforwoo]

Son of Lachesis | Demigod!Jung Jaehyun

Parent Deity: Lachesis (Goddes of the String of Life; the Second Fate)

Allegiance: Hades

Dark Humor was a thing

He probably picked it up from his dad

His dad was this super successful thriller author

So they had this huge penthouse in New York but Jaehyun was your normal edgy emo teenager

He claimed to hate his life, hate his family, hate his friends

But like, his dad wasn’t bothered by it???

At first Jaehyun thought it was because his dad just didn’t care about him

But then he started to realize that his dad was the same way

He would rather disparage himself in the name of humor than anything else

It was more of a coping technique but oh well

And for some reason, Jaehyun’s senior year of highschool, he moved to Korea

Still doesn’t know why tbh

Something about his dad telling him that it was safer for their family to be closer together

But like his family only comprised of himself and his dad

And his beagle Chu-Chu but that’s it

As far as he knew, he didn’t have any family in Korea

But surprisingly, he fit in well

His last year of high school went by quickly

And soon he was accepted into the medical examiner’s program @ KAIST

What?

He felt more comfortable around cadavers than live humans

It wasn’t weird he just had hella social anxiety

He had a real gift for it too

He could just look at a body and be able to tell how they died

He was oddly able to tell how long ago they died too

He was actually starting to get creeped out by it

So he started talking to the only person he could ever confide in

His dad

It was a long weekend off of uni

And the Friday before he got into a huge argument with his toxicology professor about the substance that one man ingested that led to his death

His professor swore it was Croton tiglium

And he doesn’t know why but something in his gut was screaming that the diagnosis was wrong

So what did he do?

He stole the toxicology report to review it

And he barged into his professor’s office claiming it was actually Daphne mezereum

What scared him the most was that he could swear the man who was lying helplessly on the table was the one who told him what the poison was

So back to his dad’s apartment

Jaehyun was in tears explaining what had been going on to his dad

And sure his dad was the one to lighten up any room he could

But his dad just laughed

And for the first time he actually felt like he was going crazy

He thought that if anyone would be able to help him understand it would be his dad

I mean what was that Ph.D in psychology hanging on the wall for then

But his dad placed a hand on his shoulder and talked to him very calmly.

I think it’s time that you met your mother.

Sniffing, he looked up

I thought she had been dead since I was a baby.

Sorta…

How can someone be ‘sorta’ dead?

She’s more like… undead?

Suddenly a gray smoke started swarming around his feet.

And a young woman, dressed in black with a rose in her hair appeared behind his dad

Jaehyun almost screamed

Dear, Many people are in need to relief so why are you calling me up?

She spoke and her voice was as light of as the mist swirling around her feet

She looked up and made eye contact with Jaehyun

Dear, you know how dangerous it is for them to meet their other parents… why is he here?

She didn’t break eye contact with Jaehyun as she spoke to his father

It’s time he knew. Maybe Taeyong or Yuta could help him? They’ve been through this before.

The anxiety and stress was piling up on Jaehyun until he couldn’t stand it anymore

Knew what? Who is this? Why is our apartment filling with smoke? What have Taeyong and Yuta been through before?

You are a demigod Jaehyun. The woman spoke up, inching closer to his side.

My son, the son of Lacheses.

Lacheses…. The goddess of the string of fate.

I’m the son of a death goddess.

He burst out laughing

He couldn’t tell if it was from shock or denial

Everything made sense

His ominous ability to tell how people died

How long they would live for

So you are telling me Taeyong and Yuta are demigods too?

He looked between his mother and father

Yes, sons of Themis and Bia, respectively of course.

So that summer Jaehyun ended up going to camp with Taeyong

He didn’t feel that comfortable in the Hades cabin, and ended up rooming with Sicheng in the Achelios cabin instead

He also tended to help out with medical care when super dangerous competitions were taking place

If he remembered correctly, Sicheng asked him to because your weird ass ability to tell how long people have to live comes in handy so I can override it.

He said it with all smile on his face too, like people thought Jae was creepy

He is still actively attending uni, still the top student is his toxicology class, despite his prof throwing the hardest cases his way

HE EVEN GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT THE POLICE STATION YAY JAEHYUN

But camp is his life now

He never knew what he would have done if he didn’t have the support system that he did because of it

Yuta is his best friend

Partly because they are apparently first cousins

But also because they just mesh really well together

Whenever Yuta is fighting or practicing

He is there to makes sure to call game before anyone gets fatally injured

It actually got close one time

But other than that

His life is really normal

He eats out a lot

He studies a lot less than he should

He has made lasting friendships

And he has the hugest crush in the world that he refuses to reveal

hey , you

Just tell me! You know I can keep a secret from the hyungs!

Cue Jisung pestering him as they run the track at camp

How do I know that?

Taeyong still hasn’t found out that Chenle and I sneak out every Saturday to go to the arcade and that we were the ones who broke his cat mug.

Good Point.

Sooooo?

Still not telling.

Honestly though, not like it wasn’t obvious enough

Sometimes he wonders if everyone is oblivious to him staring at the back of your head while you run rounds for Sicheng

Or how his eyes follow your figure when he spots you in a crowd

Dude has it bad

And might be a little possessive too

He saw Taeil hug you once and he refused to talk to Taeil for a week

Until Kun saw what was going on and forced them to make up

But you

Girl you might have an even bigger crush

Who knew volunteering was so fun when you got to see Jaehyun every day

Highkey only Renjun knows that you both like each other

What? Renjun knows E V E R Y T H I N G

At least he is like ‘passively’ helping Jaehyun score a date with you

And by ‘passively’ I mean he straight up walked over to you and asked you if you would want to grab dinner with Jaehyun on Thursday, something about studying for toxicology finals

And by ‘passively’ I also mean him straight up telling Jaehyun that you were going to be a the hole in the wall diner on 53rd street a 7 o’clock and if he didn’t show up he was going to kick his ass

So you both showed up

You with study materials

And him with flowers

Johnny told him that flowers were always the way to go

And Jaehyun was beyond embarrassed and confused when you looked up and saw him standing there in a button down shirt that definitely wasn’t his holding a bouquet of flowers

And you were sitting there in sweatpants and your glasses falling down the bridge of your nose

So he did what he does best

Laugh it off

Oh, these are to thank you for helping me study.

Of course, you didn’t have to get me anything though.

In his head he is sitting there cussing Renjun out while also trying to create that empathy link with Yuta so he could tell Yuta to go beat his ass

But he brushed it off and starts studying with you

Only after ordering pecan pie and hot chocolate

Because everyone needs snacks for studying

Right

But you suddenly looked up and stared him straight in the eyes

Why do you even need my help? Aren’t you like top of this class, and IDK you can talk to dead people? Just ask them what happened.

Jaehyun is back to being embarrassed and this time he can’t laugh it off

Well– ummm— you see– Renjun— I—-

Oh for Zeus’ sake can’t you just say that little twerp set us up on a date?

Well… yeah, yeah he did.

YoU — umm— you can leave if you want, I understand if you don’t like me

Why would I leave. And you shouldn’t understand because you are a great guy, of course I like you.

You gave off a cheeky smile before stealing a bite of his pie

Y’all started off really casually

Like a group date here and there, nothing alone

Something in Jaehyun told him it wasn’t going to get serious unless he made the first move

Your father was probably to blame

Zeus was known for being a little aloof when it came to love

But Jaehyun

God Jaehyun had no guts whatsoever

Not until his best friend from New York came to town

Jameson had come to visit over his own spring break, claiming he wanted to see why Korea was so special and “Jeff” as he knew him, never returned to the US

And Jaehyun had taken you with him to the airport, better than dragging along Jeno or Jungwoo, who for some reason was terrified of planes themselves, and Yuta was out of town for a competition and Johnny was still passed out from last night’s party

And when Jameson stepped off the plane, he came barrelling towards Jaehyun, screaming JEFFFFFFERRRRRYYYYY as loud as he could and tackled him into a hug.

After that he began speaking in English a mile a minute

To say you were a deer caught in the headlights was an understatement

Jaehyun obviously wasn’t fazed, he was able to talk back to Jameson at the same speed, not even stuttering

So you felt kinda lost, shrinking away from the boistering boys, opting instead to starting rolling his friend’s luggage to the car

Jaehyun caught wind of your suddenly shy personality and cut off his friend to instead walk over to you

In a much calmer voice, and this time in a language you were actually able to understand, Jaehyun asked if you wanted to be introduced to his friend

You nodded and Jaehyun grabbed your wrist before shutting the trunk of the car.

Pulling you back over, Jaehyun spoke in English again

You could barely make out something along the lines of This is my friend, Y/N, daughter of Zeus.

You gave a small wave and bowed, hoping he wouldn’t speak to you directly, prompting you to speak in your broken tongue.

Just a friend, or something more? Jameson smirked at Jaehyun before looking back over at you

A friend that you can’t have. You couldn’t really understand what Jaehyun said but you could tell that whatever was said, he wasn’t happy about his friend’s comment.

After that you all got into the car where Jaehyun made you sit in the front seat, holding your wrist the entire time, in obvious view of Jameson

Things died down for a while and it went back to the usual

You were still on the track team (more like Pegasus Racing team but whatever)

And Jae came to cheer you on at every game

And Jae was still top of his classes @ KAIST

And you came to cheer him up when the workload got to much for him

But it STILL wasn’t serious

So one night

Specifically, Jameson’s last night in Korea

Everyone decided to head out to Hongdae to go club hopping (pls tell me you people know what club hopping is)

And you were all having fun, dancing, most were also drinking, especially Jameson

Jaehyun somehow ended up being DD after a brutal battle of scissors, paper, rock

So he was sitting there on the side lines, nursing straight tonic water watching everyone else get shit-faced drunk

You weren’t any better to be honest

Jameson started having a habit of trying to get you alone or get you to dance with him

So you thought that if you had to deal with that all night you had to have a couple shots in your system.

PSA TIME PEOPLE!!!!!! PSA!!!!! If someone in your group keeps trying to get you alone or get you to dance with them, both men and women, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT resort to drinking to deal with it. If they don’t get the hint by you avoiding them, tell them straight to their face that you don’t want to be with them. If they still don’t get the hint, seriously consider just leaving wherever you are. Under no circumstances is it okay for them do that. PSA OVER!!!!

Jaehyun had been watching you try to avoid Jameson from the bar all night and after Jameson came up behind you and grabbed your waist he was done

The vision of fully sober, properly pissed off, ready to throw punches Jaehyun was not a pretty sight

Thankfully, at the moment he had enough self-control in his system to not deck his friend straight in the throat

He instead opted to grab your wrist, much more forcefully than last time, and drag you out the back door of the club into the alley way

Then, much more gently, backed you into the wall of the club

He was so close that you could feel his breath on your forehead

Muttering to himself in English, you couldn’t understand what he was saying

Suddenly he looked down and his eyes kept snapping from yours to your lips

I’m probably going to do something I regret right now

Poor you couldn’t even understand him because of him still speaking in English

Next thing you know he was kissing you, pushing you up further against the wall, wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer

After he let go, worry flashed across his face, like he finally realized something

Oh my god, did that bastard hurt you?

He started checking your arms and wrists, even running his hands along your waist to make sure there wasn’t bruising there

For once, Jaehyun actually had the guts

He ended up calling everyone rides, and left early with you so he could take you out on an ‘official first date’

To an ice cream shoppe

Mind you average temps in Korea during, let’s say March is still around 28 degrees Fahrenheit @ night

He realized his mistake after seeing you sit there in the booth, shivering as you picked up your ice cream

So he quickly shrugged off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders and grabbing your hands in his to warm them up

First date was still a success in his mind

And all the dates there after

Renjun takes full credit for your relationship, but so does Sicheng, they actually fight about this

Jameson actually isn’t in Jaehyun’s life anymore

And Jaehyun is madly in love with you

Proposes after he graduates, in front of all of his friends, @ the stupid little hole-in-the-wall diner that he claims was his first real date with you

While they all scream JEFFFERRRRYYYY in the background.

really tho, Yuta has it on tape, along with Doyoung forced feeding Jaehyun wine, and him sleep talking about your first official date, all of which he plays at your guy’s wedding

Good luck having all of these idiots as brother in laws :::)))))

[pinkresin]

Writing about writing

So this is my first blog in what I hope will be one of many. Apparently you're not a real writer unless you have a blog and after a strange few months of soul searching I decided it's time to get serious. So here we are...

A little about me (I don't really know who reads these things but at least I'm writing, right). I'm 39, married to a lovely man called Gav. We have 3 children, 22, 18 and 14. Awful ages, teenagers are horrendous. Our oldest daughter has now left home and we now have a 2 year old granddaughter. Life for me has been done the opposite way around. We married and had children young and I am now in the position to be thinking about my career. I am about to start my 3rd year of a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing with the Open University. I have thoroughly enjoyed the creative writing side of the course not so much the literature, but I have learned a lot of valuable skills. I work 3 days a week in Asda as a home shopping picker. I hate it but it's paying the bills (almost!) until I finish my degree.

Last month we all got the dreaded Covid. We thought, after 2 years we had escaped it, but it caught up with us, big style. My husband and son (who also work at Asda) were told to go to work as normal. It is no longer necessary to isolate and they wouldn't be paid for doing so. They had to wear a mask and wash their hands regularly but were still required to work. We had mixed feelings about this, especially as my son has a medical condition, but there are four of us living at home and quite frankly, we couldn't afford to be without the income. I was really, really poorly and spent almost a fortnight in bed. At one point I googled funeral directors as I thought this was surely the end, I have never felt so ill! After 2 and a half weeks off work, I finally started to feel more human again thankfully; but found that the longer I was off work, the less I wanted to return. This was only ever supposed to be a temporary job for a couple of months anyway. The plan was to apply for writing jobs/ internships where I could gain some work experience and then leave. Nine months later and I am no further on- so it was time for a kick up the proverbial arse.

I signed up with a careers program and a lovely man called Roger is now my coach. We have gone back to basics and he suggested that a blog is the place to start while we look into options. I am leaning towards screenwriting and even considering this as a Masters when I have finished at uni. I have completed a short, 2 week course in screenwriting as part of the careers coaching and have compiled my years of scribbled notes, emails and texts to myself with writing prompts, into material I can write about. I have also been to the library and borrowed some books on this. I forgot how much I love the library. We live out in the sticks so it is only a small branch but still just as magical. One of my favourite childhood memories is when we used to live in Bradford and my siblings and I would visit their huge library over the summer holidays. Nothing is more satisfying than shelves upon shelves of books- and you can borrow them for free! Sadly, where we live now they are so under used. People look at me almost confused when I say I'm going, it no longer seems to be 'the norm' which is sad.

Reflecting on my childhood and considering my future made me realise that things became stagnant for a while. Life seemed to get in the way of what I wanted from life. I suppose this is common, but it made me sad to think about how many people don't follow their dreams. This is what I want to do, what I've always wanted to do. Only I can make it happen so here I am, step one in a very long journey of making things happen.

Am I a writer yet...?

[yellowocaballero]

The Crocodile's Dilemma: In Which Helen exploits Michael's Labor, Michael suffers an un-identity crisis, and unpaid internships should be illegal

It’s tough being a teenage embodiment of the Spiral. Your boss/wine aunt figure Helen’s a Tory, your inattentive cousin figure Mike Crew keeps attending philosophy classes and day drinking, and you’re pretty sure that this internship doesn’t have any dental. At least it’s good job experience for your future career in...being evil? But do you even want to be evil?

This small story is technically part of my Roleswap AU, but I specifically wrote it so that no knowledge is required. Still, if you’re wondering why Michael’s an eighteen(ish) year old, Mike Crew’s an Avatar of the Spiral, and everybody is obsessed with Melanie King, check it out. Still, no need. Rest under the cut.

Maybe Helen was right.

Not that Helen was ever strictly right, much as Helen was never wrong, but Michael just had to be doing this whole fear demon thing incorrectly. If someone had explained the whole fear demon thing to them two years ago (“Okay, so it’s like you’re the semi-sentient appendage of an extradimensional force of evil that has to consume trauma relentlessly in order to propagate its own debatable existence, also you’re nonbinary now, no those things are not strictly related, probably”), then they would have called them crazy. Which, of course, they were, but that wasn’t the point. So long as the point existed. So long as anything -

An essential theorem within quantum physics was the quantum Zeno effect. 

Simply put, it was the fact that a quantum state would decay if left alone, but does not decay under continuous observation. Even observing the results after the photon is produced leads to collapsing the wave function and loading a back-history as shown by delayed choice quantum eraser. If something was seen, it no longer existed; if something persisted unperceived, it would exist as long as it liked. 

So it was explained to Michael by the physics professor he was torturing that day. Michael had trapped the man in the physics building of his university, lured in by one too many late nights in his office and the persistent sense that his life was going nowhere meaningful. After a few classes spent sitting in on his Physics 101 class, maintaining constant and forever eye contact, Michael had eventually tricked the man into giving a persistent and ongoing physics lecture to an empty classroom, desperately trying to explain the inexplicable to a college freshman who did not care. Truly miserable, yet ultimately harmless - Michael’s favorite kind of trick. 

But, despite themself, Michael grew interested. They didn’t understand any of what the man was talking about, but that was all of the fun. Understanding ruined the magic of things; broke down the beauty of the universe into cogs and gears. No thanks. They could tell that it bothered the professor, that he said so much and yet knew nothing. That there was so much he would never know, and that he wasn’t so smart after all. How would any of his colleagues respect him?

“So photons degrade if they’re observed?” Michael asked one day, after...some period of time. They had raised their hand and everything, they were so proud of themself. Uni was just like secondary school after all. “Is that true of people too?”

The professor had sweated, deeply uncomfortable with Michael as a person and as a non-euclidean concept. “No - no, not at all. Humans are much more than photons -”

Michael grinned. It wasn’t quite right. “Are you sure?”

The professor sweated harder. “I - no, I’m not. But humans are constantly observed by - by the universe, or something.”

Michael grinned sharper. “Are you sure? Are you being observed right now? Are you sure?”

And the professor was not sure, not anymore, and the fragment of this man’s reality collapsed. 

Well, Michael thought to themself, slipping out of an improbable yellow door, that’s another Statement for the Magnus Institute. Not that they would read it. 

****

“Now, remember this - the first step to being a successful Avatar is presentation!”

Michael squinted at Helen dubiously. “I thought we were fear demons?”

Helen sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with two sharp knife fingers. It looked as if it hurt quite a bit, but Michael reasoned that they had probably gone through the fifth dimension. “This is the stupidest dimension - fine, fine! Fear demons, then. It is absolutely vital that we conduct our business with style, grace, and the slightest sprinkling of pizazz!” 

Just for the flourish, Helen twirled her fingers, and a faint shower of confetti came raining down from the ceiling. Michael sneezed. 

“I thought it was vital that we harvest fear and trauma from people to propagate our cursed existence,” Michael said. 

Helen’s eyebrow twitched. “More than two things can be vital, Michael. Please pay attention. Now, as a demonstration, I’d like you to take a gander at that man over there.”

Obediently, Michael looked across the bar. They were sitting on barstools in a high-class pub, because Helen knew her worth and never settled for anything less, with glass counters and lots of private booths. But all pubs had their sad men drinking alone, and this one was no exception. 

This man wasn’t sullen and slow like a lot of them. He was wearing a nice suit and thin tie, looking straight out of Canary Wharf. Michael silently agreed with Helen’s choice - they took eat the rich very seriously, and also literally. He also seemed a little jumped up on something, with shaking hands and erratic eyes. 

“He looks happy,” Michael observed. “Think it’s his birthday?”

“He’s on cocaine, Michael,” Helen said flatly. “Cocaine. We are at a posh bar, and he is currently doing a line off his watch.”

Oh! Michael suddenly felt very uncool. They had never been one of those people in secondary school who did cocaine. They hadn’t been cool. “I knew that,” Michael bluffed. “What are we going to do to him?”

“Take the teenager as your intern, they said,” Helen groused, “it’s investing in the future, they said, it’ll stop them from eating you when they grow up, they said.” She sighed, jabbing a finger at the now very obviously coked up man who was staring at the bottles behind the bartender as if they were whispering secrets of the universe into his ear. Helen liked that one. “Use your intuition. Find a good angle to squeeze. What are his weaknesses to exploit?”

Oh, Michael knew how to do this. They shifted vibrations just a bit, dropping out of what Michael liked to call the ‘mild’ spectrum into the ‘spicy’ spectrum. They were distantly aware of a patron’s glass shattering. 

They squinted at the man, picking out his little fears and insecurities like Dionysus picking grapes. Maybe. Michael had gotten a C in English, but they were somewhat cognizant of the Spiral munching heavily on Bacchanalia. Sometimes they felt like some of those children who spoke in tongues and claimed to be from a past life. That had also been the Spiral.

“He owns a Nintendo NES,” Michael said confidently, absolutely sure that this was important. Helen groaned. “His house is painted white, and his girlfriend does tax fraud.”

“Something relevant?” Helen hinted desperately.

Michael just squinted at her. “Relevant to what?”

“...good point. But something useful, please.”

Picky. Michael scowled, but gave the man another good gander. “He only remembers faint details of his father’s face, and he worries that his recollections aren’t accurate,” Michael proclaimed finally. 

Helen clapped, delighted, as Michael took a careful sip of their water, turning it into fizzy water. She took a sip of her own wine, turning it into champagne. Or maybe just sparkling unreality? “Wonderful. Now, how should we play this? Insert a false father into his life, completely separate from his recollections, or is that a bit too Stranger? I suppose we could do some good old-fashioned gaslighting, but sometimes that’s just a bit too Melanie, if you catch my drift -”

“Are you jealous that the Archive girls are better at gaslighting than you are?” 

“Shut it, kid,” Helen hissed, before taking a long drag of her champagne. “My vote is that we convince him to top off his coke bender with some LSD. Then he hallucinates - oh, he hallucinates that he’s in a mental institution, that’s a good one -”

“Why don’t we shift everything thirty cm to the right?” Michael asked brightly.

Helen squinted at them. They beamed back. 

“You are so bad at this,” Helen said. 

Michael would have felt crushed if Helen didn’t express this sentiment roughly once per lunar cycle, contrariwise. As it was, they bore the criticism with a stiff upper lip. Helen had her way of harvesting fear from unsuspecting humans, and Michael had theirs. “Look, Helen, you’re being uncreative! We don’t have to traumatize people every single time.”

Helen squinted further. “We’re personifications of deceit. We eat trauma.”

“No, we eat confusion,” Michael pointed out patiently. “Look at it this way. If you give someone one really terrible experience, then they repress it for the rest of their lives and consider it a brush with Hell. One and done, see? But if you minorly inconvenience them for a really long time, then they’ll never be able to break out of it. They’ll feel as if something’s wrong, but they’ll never know it. You can keep the game going for years that way!”

The idea was very good. Michael had been working on it for a while. Truth be told, Michael felt bad traumatizing people outright and making them scream and cry and everything. They always felt as if they were doing something wrong by making other people’s existences a living nightmare. Michael much preferred rigging a corn maze so you were stuck in it for days inside the maze but only an hour outside. It was funner, and much more confusing. 

But Helen just pursed her lips and stared Michael up and down, making them squirm awkwardly on their barstool. Finally, as if she was delivering a life sentence, she imperiously said, “Well, we all have our different styles, I suppose! It would be quite boring if we were both exactly the same.” Michael nodded vigorously at this, and Helen held up a scaly claw. “But! You’re my intern, which means that you’re learning from the master here. So shut up and let me teach you how to ruin lives.”

“Yes, boss,” Michael said miserably. 

Helen tsked, but she patted them on the head anyway. It tasted like batteries. “Honestly, kid. A literal bleeding heart’s fun for the whole family, but a metaphorical bleeding heart will get you nowhere in life. You can’t exist as you are and feel bad for them. It ruins the point. It’s a paradox.”

“I thought we liked paradoxes, though?”

Helen shrugged, downing the rest of her wine. “Rules for thee but not for me, honey. But I’m a good boss and drunken aunt figure, so I’ll appease you today. Now come on, let’s convince this bar to vote for Brexit.”

They did. It was quite fun after all, tricking a roomful of people into doing something actively against their own interests. But something about the whole thing left a strange taste in Michael’s mouth: not the good kind of strange, or the bad kind of strange that was also good. Just strange, and undeniable, and something that couldn’t be exploited at all. 

****

Maybe Helen was right. 

Not that Helen was ever strictly right, much as Helen was never wrong, but Michael just had to be doing this whole fear demon thing incorrectly. If someone had explained the whole fear demon thing to them two years ago (“Okay, so it’s like you’re the semi-sentient appendage of an extradimensional force of evil that has to consume trauma relentlessly in order to propagate its own debatable existence, also you’re nonbinary now, no those things are not strictly related, probably”), then they would have called them crazy. Which, of course, they were, but that wasn’t the point. So long as the point existed. So long as anything -

Michael was a bad fear demon of the Spiral and Infinite Twisting and That Is Not What It Is and The Twisted Door, etc, etc, All Fear Its Name, etc etc all Hail, because they didn’t always like how their internal monologue could no longer be described through common language. Words and images and understandings were nothing but approximations for Michael now, and sometimes it was frustrating existing outside the boundaries of understanding. Which, of course, was the point, so long as the point existed, so long as anything existed -

It wasn’t always easy. Still, nobody ever got what they wanted if they weren’t willing to put the effort in. The adult world and labouring under capitalism wasn’t easy for anybody. That was what Mum had always said. Who was Michael to complain about their 9-5? Or 24/24? Or infinite/infinite? Or nothing/nothing? Or -

Was it too much to ask to have a linear thought once in a while? 

Helen wouldn’t understand. There were only two other approximations of concepts that Michael knew, and Helen would hardly be any help. The other “person” would probably be a better sounding board, but there was the fact that he was kind of pretentious. Still, it was better than nothing. Well, it was nothing, but only in the sense that everything was - argh!

A yellow door appeared in a nondescript basement, and Michael appeared with it. They melted out of the “wood”, taking a second to check their outfit for this apparition - a nice vintage 50s dress with a painstaking stitch that reminded one of the oppressive nature of housewifery, nice. They elongated their curly blonde hair from a roguish mop into a nice little shag and melted into the crowd. 

It must have been a passing period, because Michael was buffeted to and fro by tall white men wearing backpacks and shorter white girls hoisting strangely identical water bottles. Somewhere Northern, Michael decided, likely private and small. Not that it strictly mattered, but it helped to solidify their grip in reality a bit if they had some idea. They already knew geography was purposeless and a distraction from the real issues, like shrimp, but occasionally it could be useful. Helen had been careful to impart the central tenet of existence as a non-euclidean concept in undefinable space in the twenty seventh dimension: location, location, location!

It was obviously the Philosophy Department, because all philosophy classes were held in old basements built in the ‘60s in identical hallways. For kicks, Michael turned all of the school hallways inwards and sent them in a mobius strip, and changed all of the door numbers into a headache. The key to enjoying your job was to take initiative in the workplace environment and to just have fun with it!

Michael found themselves in front of a door identical to all of the others, with fake laminated wood, and they decided to go in. The universe had guided them to this door for a reason, and who were they to reject its call? 

The small classroom was like most other small, private colleges in unpopular departments that nobody cared about. Lots of single person desks - Michael snapped their fingers and turned them all into left-handed desks - complete with a smartboard and a teacher’s podium. It was already half-full, so Michael carefully slid into a chair in the back and pretended that they had been there all along. A student wandered close, convinced that this was her seat, but Michael successfully convinced her that a different seat near the front was hers, prompting an impromptu game of musical chairs that sent ripples through the otherwise sedate classroom.

There was a blond student already sitting in the front, flipping through a spiral notebook and clicking a pen in no particular pattern. He was wearing a pea coat, jeans, and his hair was weirdly perfect. Michael wished they had a notebook. Was this what you did in university? They had never had the opportunity to go. 

Actually, they had never quite graduated secondary - three months away from graduation, actually. It probably wasn’t all that important. You didn’t really need a diploma to become a trauma eating fear demon. Was there a university of eating fear? That would be funny. What would the classes be in, ‘Enforcing the Powerlessness of Capitalism 101’? What was the difference between that and a Business major? 

Maybe Business majors were the real fear demons, Michael thought grandly. It was a good thought, they would have to remember to tell it to Melanie later. Melanie would approve. Hadn’t Tim been a business major? Yeah, in that case she would definitely approve. 

The student sitting in the front seemed to have finally noticed the game of musical chairs, and as the professor started clearing their throat and announcing something unimportant to the class, he turned around to find Michael sitting in the back of the class. They waved cheerfully. The student scowled. 

‘What are you doing here!’, the guy mouthed angrily. 

‘Hi Mike!’ Michael mouthed back. 

‘Go away!’ Mike mouthed back. 

‘But I’m going to eat your teacher :(‘ Michael mouthed back. They didn’t actually frown. 

‘ >:(!’, Mike Crew mouthed back, also without changing his facial expression. 

This was probably why Mike wasn’t Michael’s biggest fan. Which was a pity, because Michael thought Mike was really cool. He had the coolest name, for one. But shorter, and snappier. Mike was the kind of name girls would call you at clubs. Michael was what, like, your Mum would say as she yelled at you to clean up your room before her book club girls came over. Why were they girls? They were, like, fifty.

Mike Crew was an Avatar of the Spiral completely unwillingly. Chosen as a child and chased throughout his life by an improbably long lasting Lichtenberg scar, he had eventually succumbed to the inevitable and transformed into an even more improbable man. Personally, Michael found it strange that ‘inevitable’ and ‘Spiral’ was in the same sentence, but - well, it had to be everything at one point. Even a melting clock was right once an endless twilight. 

Strangest of all, Mike Crew was a philosophy major. The class, of course, was a high level philosophy course. Mike Crew had been in uni - well, a while - and he tended not to waste his time with the boring shit anymore. Michael listened with interest as the professor dived into the lecture. 

Two minutes in, Mike subtly gathered his things and slipped into the conveniently empty chair next to Michael. He was still glaring at them, as Michael tried their best to look innocent and cute. The effect was a little ruined by the inherent maliciousness of Michael’s pores, but they liked to think it was the thought that counted. 

“To continue our conversation on the topic of paradoxes,” the professor began, “I’d like to introduce a few thought experiments for your consideration as a class. I’ll mention the concept, and then allow you to break into pairs to discuss them.”

Mike leaned into Michael’s ear. “We were discussing Descartes!”

“But isn’t this more interesting?” Michael asked. 

“If you give my professor a mental breakdown we’re going to fall behind on the syllabus!”

“The first paradox I’d like to bring to your attention is the Crocodile’s Dilemma.” The professor flipped to a new slide, which helpfully had a big crocodile on it. Michael admired it. They had seen a crocodile at the zoo once. “Similar to the liar’s paradox, the premise states that a crocodile, who has stolen a child, promises the parent that his or her child will be returned if and only if he or she correctly predicts what the crocodile will do next. The outcome is fairly obvious if the parent states that the crocodile will return the child, but the crocodile faces a dilemma if the parent states that the crocodile will not return the child. No matter the outcome, the crocodile is made a liar: if  the crocodile decides to not give back the child then the statement proves to be true, and he ought to return the child, thereby making it false. Whatever the outcome, he still violates his terms.”

Michael raised their hand. Mike forcibly lowered their hand. 

“If I give your professor a mental breakdown then you’ll have extra time for the test,” Michael whispered back. Mike seriously considered this notion.

“The next paradox is slightly related,” the professor continued. “The Infinite Hotel Paradox.” Michael’s face stretched into a grin as Mike Crew groaned. “It is demonstrated that a fully occupied hotel with infinitely many rooms may still accommodate additional guests, even infinitely many of them, and this process may be repeated infinitely often. This is what we call a veridical paradox: it leads to a counter-intuitive result that is provably true. Therefore -”

“Okay, yeah,” Mike Crew said, slumping in his seat. “You can eat him, this guy is just begging for it.” 

“Yay!” Michael went in for the hug, before Mike pushed them away. Michael’s quest for a cool big brother failed yet again. “Do you want to call the -”

“They’re your hallways,” Mike said, persnickety as always. Maybe he was just jealous that he wasn’t a hallway? 

Michael raised their hand, patiently waiting for the professor to call on them. He stumbled in the middle of his lecture, adjusting his thick glasses. 

“Uh, yes, Miss -”

“You no longer understand gender,” Michael said pleasantly, as they always did whenever they were misgendered. It was an understandable mistake, so they didn’t do it maliciously. Frankly, they just thought it was healthy. Everyone should not understand false things. “Professor, I have a question about the Crocodile’s Dilemma.” They waited for the professor to nod, somewhat confused. “How do you know that didn’t really happen?”

The professor blinked lethargically at them. “It’s a thought experiment. It’s not real, it’s just an idea proposed by philosophers to represent -”

“What makes you so sure?” Michael asked cheerfully. “Crocodiles eat babies. Or dingoes. I think I read a story about this happening in Australia, didn’t you?”

“I - I suppose I did, yes -”

“We wouldn’t talk about it if it didn’t really happen.” Michael felt their voice fall into a rising lilt, like an attractive song that was played to a concert hall but heard only by you. They were distantly aware of Mike lulling the rest of the students into their own hazy daze: aware enough to be confused, but trapped in their seats and the fog of misunderstandings. “Fiction isn’t real. Reality is real. But a thought experiment is in between, isn’t it? Something that strains the boundaries of reality, that proves the fundamental concepts of life, told through a framework of an intrinsic lie. A paradox is a lie telling the truth. You are a truth speaker telling only lies. What you know isn’t so much as anything at all, is it? What do you really know, anyway?”

“One of us tells only the truth and the other tells only lies,” Mike Crew called out, bored. But his eyes were shining in endless refraction, infinite rooms holding infinite guests. “But is it really a lie if you had mistaken it for the truth? What lies are you living, Dr. Young?”

Dr. Young was stammering, eyes swimming, and Michael didn’t dare to break eye contact. It was a delicate spell they wove, but Michael wasn’t so bad at bringing this simmer to a boil. Cooking was about improvisation, and Michael had always been great at that. 

“If your life is a lie,” Michael breathed, “then are you really alive?”

It was clear, when it happened: the professor started inhaling deep, deeper breaths, chest wracking with heaves. His eyes rolled up in his head, he clutched at his chest, and he finally slumped down on the floor. He twitched, jerking slightly, and he would continue jerking. At which point the students would become aware, and they’d call an ambulance for him, and he would be perfectly alright in the end. If a little mentally scarred. 

“Damn,” Mike Crew said, almost impressed, as both he and Michael stood up. He shoved his pens in a backpack, glad to be free of his examination for another week. “What’d you do to him?”

“Made him think he was dead,” Michael said serenely. “He thought his heart had stopped beating so he had a panic attack. He’s going to have to make an appointment with a psychiatrist but he probably should anyway, work’s very stressful for him.”

“Guess I have the rest of the hour off,” Mike sighed, as he held the door open for Michael so they could slip out of the back of the classroom. It was yellow, and a little strange.  “Want to grab a pint with me at the campus pub?” He paused a beat. “Wait, are you even old enough to drink?”

“I’m as old as eternity and reborn every second.” Michael paused a beat. “But I was eighteen last time I checked, and I’ll probably be eighteen for a while, so yes?”

“Great, let’s roll. I need a drink.”

****

Mike’s uni’s pub (Michael had asked the name of the uni but the information had, unfortunately, been lost in next Tuesday, so they’ll know then) was the exact opposite of the high class pub Helen had taken them to. Instead of glassy, shiny, and chromey, Mike’s pub looked strongly as if very many people had puked in it and the staff had tackled the problem somewhat half-heartedly. Michael enjoyed the sight of the puke existing in all points in time simultaneously, giving it a sort of weird yellow-ish shine. Actually, maybe all puke had that yellowish sheen?

When they asked Mike about it as they hopped up on the bar, he just sighed. He flagged the bartender down for a pint, and when the bartender squinted dubiously at Michael they revelled into the micro-confusion of ambiguous ages. Micro-feeding? Like mini muffins?

“Helen made a mistake hiring you. She’s stuck us with a perpetual teenager.”

“I’m as much a teenager as you are a uni student,” Michael said pointedly. 

“I’m not an embodiment of the It Is What It Isn’t Is,” Mike said, oddly aggressively. “I’m just a normal Avatar.”

“Fear demon.”

“Melanie King isn’t always right and I don’t know why everyone thinks she is.” Big words from an honored Special Guest on her show. There were many in the fear demon community who would kill for the honor. It was a good thing she hated intruders in her Archives - otherwise they’d never leave. “But I’m no different from - that douche Peter Lukas or that stoner Elias Bouchard or that btich Annabelle, okay? I’m just a guy. Who eats trauma. Plenty of guys do that.”

“Very good denial of reality!” Michael approved. “Normally Helen tells me to go further into denying reality as a concept, though.”

“God, you hallway people are impossible to have a normal conversation with.” Mike huffed, clearly not as irritated as his words would imply. Michael also approved of the incongruity. “I’m assuming that you’re here for absolutely no reason and that you have no idea why or how you ended up at my uni.”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “Actually, I am here for a reason.” At Mike’s extreme surprise, they hurriedly clarified, “Not with any goal, meaning, or intention in mind! But I just wanted to talk about something to someone who wasn’t technically another facet of my meaningless whole. Helen and I are as index and ring fingers on the same hand, but we don’t really get each other sometimes, you know?”

“Does that make you the pinky finger?”

“I actually had a hypothetical for you.” At Mike’s nod, Michael snagged a napkin from the stack on the sticky bar and began creasing it, somewhat anxiously. “Let’s say, hypothetically, you were a teenagerish nongendered sentient hallway intern who happens to eat trauma.”

“This isn’t much of a hypothetical,” Mike said flatly. 

“I’m a hypothetical person. And I’m only a person hypothetically.” Michael started making little folds in the napkin, twisting it up into a strange origami. “So, let’s say, hypothetically, that this person - their name is Michael - enjoyed being them. It wasn’t always fun, and sometimes they kind of missed the world making sense, or at least not making sense in a familiar way. And sometimes Michael got tired of being a sentient hallway and wanted to finish secondary. And maybe even sometimes Michael grows sad that both their parents were eaten by their new boss, who is kind of a Tory! But that’s all fine. Michael’s probably happier like this than they ever were even when they did have parents.”

Mike Crew stared at them a little, slowly sipping his pint. 

Michael hunched their shoulders, and folded up the napkin further and further. They had read somewhere that any piece of paper can only be folded seven times. They folded the napkin seven times, then eight, then nine, then ten. That was something nice about the way things were now, they supposed: no rules, absolute freedom. Only rules, no freedom. That was what Dr. Yung would call a paradox. “But maybe the worst part about this new job is that Michael doesn’t really like hurting people. Sometimes it’s fun to randomly make people very upset, and you always kind of end up doing it anyway, but after a while Michael feels kind of bad about it. Michael likes doing other things better, like making terrible roundabouts and rearranging the pages of books. Maybe they even like reading books. They like reading comic books backwards, from the last page to the first, so every panel is a surprise.”

“There’s lots of ways to be a fear demon,” Mike pointed out, almost gently. Maybe only because he could relate. “Look at me. I’m not feeding off anyone. Just myself.”

“But I like the way I do it,” Michael said, frustrated. “Helen keeps trying to get me to do it the way she does it, but the point is that we aren’t the same. What’s the point in having two of us if both our viewpoints are the same? We’re different in every way, but we’re the same being. I just want to be the Spiral the way I want. Not the way Helen wants.” Their voice lowered, almost unwilling to say what they were about to say. “Not the way the Spiral wants.”

Mike stared at them for a long time, slowly sipping his beer, and Michael focused their efforts on forcing this improbable napkin into something that could be beautiful. A lotus flower? A mobius strip? Or should they just let it happen as it happens, and see what form it decided to take? 

Finally, Mike said, “You are the Spiral.”

“Then why am I always disagreeing with it?” Michael asked miserably. 

“Why are you, Helen, and the Spiral always disagreeing?” Mike pointed out. “Maybe that’s the point. So much as anything’s a point. Isn’t it the most perfect paradox of all, to split yourself into portions that are always disagreeing and bickering? Maybe everything you’re feeling is on purpose. I mean, it’s kind of improbable that you’re feeling at all, right?”

“I retained a lot of humanity,” Michael said. “Maybe a bit too much, actually?”

“Right.” Mike nodded decisively. “Then that’s the appeal. A human mind will always strain against its confines. It will always want different, want the same, want the old and the new and the perpetual and the fleeting and the eternity and the moment. What’s more nonsensical than a human? What’s more contradictory than human nature?” A dark shadow passed over his face, just for a second. “The Spiral kidnaps us and turns us into it. One part of our minds is entrenched in its eternity, and another part is always screaming in agony. But predominantly we are the unholy mixture of human and Entity, oil forced into water. It’s so intrinsically horrifying and wrong that we just get used to it. We are both demon and human, and so we’re neither, and so we’re both. Isn’t it weird, Michael, that unlike so many other Avatars, none of us want to be here?”

“You’re a very philosophical person,” Michael said diplomatically. 

“Thanks, I think too much about my lot in life.” Mike Crew sighed, slumping on his barstool and knocking back more of his pint. “I wish you and Helen would stop showing up in my life so often. When you aren’t around, I can almost pretend I’m a person.”

“That’s why we show up,” Michael felt obligated to point out. 

“Yeah, I know,” Mike said glumly. “I always know. I can’t stop knowing.”

There was nothing Michael could say or do that fixed this, or that could make Mike feel better. They understood, just a little - that nostalgia for a kinder time. But maybe it was more that Mike never had those halcyon, innocent days. He had lived life since childhood in aching knowledge that his days were numbered. Maybe that’s why Mike was allowed to live life as a human even now: his human life was just as confusing and isolated as his afterlife, and that when fear stained every second of his life there was no point in ceasing it. 

Maybe Michael couldn’t keep their human life because they had been happy. At the very least, they had been ignorant. That was one thing the Spiral could not abide: ignorance. 

These days, Michael knew everything. They knew everything so, so much.

So, in lieu of comforting falsehoods, Michael offered Mike Crew a slightest sliver of truth. They passed Mike the little piece of origami that they had made, and let Mike cradle it in his large and smooth hands. 

The origami had no shape. It wasn’t folded into anything. It was just a meaningless amalgamation of points, corners, and creased paper. It didn’t look like anything at all. 

“See?” Michael pointed out. “It’s a bear.”

Mike Crew smiled weakly. “Looks like a sea goat to me.”

There was something beautiful in ambiguity. When something was nothing, it could be everything at once. That was rather Michael’s favorite thing about it. 

“I think it’s a self-portrait,” Michael decided. 

And that, at least, was as true as anything else. 

***

Michael wandered their hallways. 

On some level, they were pretty much perpetually doing that. Even as one facet of them talked with Michael in a campus pub, even as another helped Helen convince a high class pub into voting Brexit, even as they traumatized a physics professor, they wandered these hallways.

Make no mistake: everything in this story has/will/is happened/happening simultaneously.

Of course, on another level Michael was literally their hallways, and thus they were not so much wandering as existing. Pulsating, one could say. Even twisting, if one would be so bold. 

There was a mirror, in the hallway. Not a funhouse mirror - although Michael did enjoy popping out from those and scaring Nikola - but just a mirror. Gilded around the edges, ornate with swirling curlicues. You could see yourself in it. You could see a lot of yourself in it. It wasn’t what you had always looked like, not really, but you just had the sense that this was what you really looked like. Maybe you had always looked like this, and everybody was just too polite to tell you. Were you really a brunette? This mirror had to be right. You had been a blonde all along. Nobody had told you. They were laughing at you. They were laughing -

But this was Michael, and Michael’s, and nothing in here could harm them. It was even comforting. They looked at themselves in the mirror, and saw themselves same as ever. Or not same as ever. They were still Michael, so far as Michael was Michael.

Shortish. Blondey. Raggedy hair. Curled as much as anything’s curled. Fun clothing that they really enjoyed. Tall shoes, because they liked feeling tall. Similar dimensions to the golden number. Non linear, but who’s counting? It was what they typically looked like. 

But, just for a second, Michael even fooled themselves. They saw someone in the mirror that they were not, someone who they had never been, someone who they never will be. Someone different.

Michael, just like everyone else, couldn’t stop themselves from reaching out. Come back. Come back! Let me touch you, let me be you! Michael’s fingers brushed the shiny glass, and the world tilted sideways, and Michael fell into where the sidewalk ended.

They emerged, or maybe they had always been, inside a bedroom. It was a nice little suburban bedroom. It had a peaked ceiling and a window seat. The walls were a soft, navy blue. There was a young person, lying on the shag carpet, leafing through a book. Big headphones were over their ears, and they were bopping along to music. Disco. 

Michael stood, an intruder into a familiar space, and watched the stranger. Their throat felt oddly tight, and their eyes felt strangely hot. The stranger was smiling faintly, flipping the pages of their book somewhat mindlessly. They were reading it for school. Flatland. It was just an assignment, but it was really fucking them up. It was making them think about all of these things that they didn’t normally, in new dimensions. It was really cool. All of their friends were just reading the Sparknotes, but they really wanted to talk about it with someone. 

 This, of course, had happened. It will happen in the future. It was happening now, as Michael watched the scene with an electric sadness. It would never happen, because the Spiral had never been here, and never would be, and always was. 

A knock echoed on the door, several sharp raps. Michael didn’t notice, legs swinging to the music. 

The knock on the door hit louder. “Michael!” A voice echoed from behind it. “Michael, are you ready to go?”

Michael reached up and slid off their headphones, without looking up from their book. “Coming!” They called back. “Be right there!”

The Spiral watched Michael, who hummed absentmindedly as the door knocked again. Dad was downstairs, making sure the gas was off and shutting off the lights. Mum was knocking, knocking, knocking, on a door that was and will always be wood. 

“Have you packed yet?” Mum called. 

“Sure I have!” Michael yelled back, glancing at the empty suitcase on the bed and the messy pile of clothes right next to it. They pushed themselves up, flipping the book shut and rising to their feet. “Be right out!”

“Hurry up,” Mum called, as the Spiral mouthed the words along with her. “We’re going to be late!”

The Bermudas aren’t going anywhere, Michael thought spitefully. They stuffed their clothes haphazardly in a suitcase, took far more care to pack their laptop and DS, and shoved Flatland in a side pocket of their backpack. 

When Michael slung on his backpack, unfolded the handle from their suitcase, they were not even looking at the door they left through. They were entirely focused on managing the unruly suitcase, and walked straight through the crazed yellow door.

Of course, Michael walked out. Slightly stranger, a little better, a lot worse. Exactly the same. They were back in their hallways again, fresh from their little suburban bedroom and the child exiting one world and entering one quite different. Maybe one part of that child would always be in that bedroom, another part in these hallways, and another part always caught in that doorway and the transition. 

Simultaneously, in all points in time, Mum knocked on that wood door, and Michael never let her inside. Simultaneously, at all points in time, Michael watched it all happen.

They hadn’t expected it to be so comforting. At all moments in time, in a little corner of their heart, Mum knocked on their door. If the Spiral lived in your soul and beat your heart, it was easy to find the beauty in it - the magnificence of eternity, and the joy in the moment. Mum was with them - literally, as he was pretty sure Helen was still digesting her. Maybe nothing was ever truly over - just over there.  

Michael stuck their hands in their pockets, whistling a jaunty tune that highly resembled the Shepherd’s Tone. Their hallways pulsated comfortingly, and Michael carefully toed off their platform shoes and eyed down the infinite hallways. No rugs for a while. 

Maybe Michael, Mike Crew, and Helen should get together more often. Just the three of them. They would drive each other batty. It would be a lot of fun. 

Michael set off running down the hallway, and skidded on their socks down the hardwood floor, whooping in joy as they skidded endlessly towards eternity.