#i was in a group chat with some uni friends a while back and group chatę always inevitably make me feel like im weird and boring and unfunny

[szczylpierdolony]

so many things about me could be explained by the fact that i didnt know people hung out with their school friends during summer/school breaks until i was 17

[captain-joongz]

Tits out

Pairing: best friend!Wooyoung x f!reader

Genre: bffs to ??, college au, pure smut, barely any plot, fluff, humour

Summary: When talking to your best friend about your nipple piercing during movie night backfires in the most spectacular way possible and Seonghwa's new couch gets caught in the crossfire

Word count: cca 7k

Warnings: reader is chubby, there's no discussion, they just jump into it, titty sucking, nipple and nipple piercing fixation, unprotected sex (this is pure fantasy, be careful in the real world), a little bit of body insecurity about body hair, fingering, doggy, squirting (let me know if i missed anything)

I had met Wooyoung back in the first year in uni and now four years later we were still going strong. The man that walked in confidently into a lecture hall, bee-lined straight for the empty space next to me and was sitting down before I even comprehended his question of “is this seat taken?”, who then proceeded to talk my ear off and invite himself for lunch with me, was quite easy to befriend, believe it or not. After sitting next to him a few times and going for lunch later, I’d managed to get out of my shell a little too and soon we were two merry extroverts steamrolling through university hip to hip. He’d become one of my best friends, one of my closest friends and a person that understood me almost perfectly. We knew we could count on each other completely and trusted each other blindly.

I was introduced into his friend group, and he was into mine and we often hung out together in huge groups of rowdy younglings, going dancing and spending weekends eating too much junk food and watching bad movies someone had put on, but no one really paid attention to besides the occasional joke about its stupidity. I couldn’t count how many times I’ve done something extremely stupid while hanging out with them and was heavily encouraged by both Wooyoung and San. It was the most fun I’ve had though, and that’s what really mattered.

Now I was already out of school, but Wooyoung and most of his friends were continuing with their studies. Due to this, we tried to hang out every Friday, but a lot of the time it ended up being just me and him or even just me sitting in their living room watching Netflix waiting who makes it home first. It was like my second home at this point, and no one was phased when I showed up out of the blue and sat on the couch like I owned it. Especially since Seonghwa bought the new one, that one was extremely comfortable.

Usually, Friday night was a hang out and movie night for me and Wooyoung anyway, but today I was a woman on a mission. A few months ago, I had gotten a nipple piercing. It wasn’t my first one (though it was definitely the most painful one) so I wasn’t extremely worried about it, but lately it has been acting up a little. It usually didn’t hurt but sometimes there would be this slight discomfort around it and I’ve even noticed some slight scabbing even months later. I knew realistically that it was most likely okay, but my anxious nervous little brain had managed to convince me that I’m going to lose my tit or something. That’s why I needed a second opinion. And that’s where Wooyoung came in.

Tonight, I was making my way towards their flat knowing I’m about to ask Wooyoung for the weirdest favour one ever could, but it should be okay, right? We were such close friends, it definitely wasn’t a big deal, right? You normally asked your friends to take a look at your tits and tell you whether there’s something weird about one of them, that was just a usual Friday, no?

I checked the group chat again and confirmed that it would be just me and Woo tonight and then made my way to their building’s door. They lived on the fourth floor without an elevator, which would normally be a minus, but since it was an old warehouse made into an apartment building, their flat was actually massive and housed all of them without a problem, so I graciously sacrificed myself and stomped up the stairs a few times a week to see their faces (and eat their food).

Upon arriving to the flat, I found Woo busy making something in the kitchen, humming lightly while whipping cream like a 50s housewife.

“What you up to?” I asked casually strolling into the room, making Wooyoung jump with shock. “Jesus fucking Christ, you sneak in all the time and yet I still get scared by you,” he said and put his hand over his heart. I slapped his shoulder and peeked at what he was making.

“You literally gave me the keys, Wooyoung, I’m hardly sneaking in,” I said and rolled my eyes at him. He just laughed and pushed me out of the kitchen. “Shut up and start choosing the movie or I know we’ll just end up scrolling through Netflix for hours like always,” he shouted over his shoulder and went back to whatever snack he was making.

As I sat on the couch, I was steeling myself for what I was about to ask him, trying to figure out how to bring it up. No time like the present, right. I mindlessly scrolled through the movies, but really I was waiting for Woo to join me in the living room. Then finally he came in through the door, a plate of little cheesy snacks in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. I was just about to open my mouth, but he cheekily winked at me and made his way back to the kitchen. When he returned, he was holding a little tray with two cups of hot chocolate, the coke and two glasses.

He finally joined me on the couch and for a while we both just sat there, arguing about whether we want to watch a comedy or a thriller, while I was thinking how to broach the subject. But in the end, I didn’t even need to do that. In the middle of my sentence about how I’m not watching another stupid horror movie about nothing, Wooyoung suddenly turned to me and just gave me this look. And I knew I was done playing around. I stopped in the middle of talking and stared at him. He grinned.

“Okay, just spill it,” he said when I stayed silent for too long.

“What do you mean?” I attempted to stray away from the topic until I was ready, but he’d already saw through me. “Really?” he asked incredulously, “I’ve known you for years, you think I don’t recognise when you want to talk about something? Just spill the beans already.” I heaved a deep sigh and then turned on the couch to face him. He was still grinning.

“Okay, this might be really weird, but just bear with me for a while, okay?” I started. While I was slightly worried about the piercing, I also couldn’t help but fear Woo’s reaction, after all this wasn’t exactly a normal thing to ask your friend. I knew worst case scenario he’ll just say no and laugh it off, but still. He looked a little more serious for a moment, but then I continued talking. “I need you to look at my tits, okay?”

Wooyoung looked at me shocked for a moment and then bursted out laughing. I just glared at him annoyed. “Hear me out-“ I started but he cut me off. “Is this about like being insecure about them? You want me to look at them and say they’re okay? Y/N, you know your tits are amazing-“ he was going on and on, but this time it was me who cut him off.

“God, no, nothing like that,” I shut him up embarrassed. While it was true that I was slightly insecure about my plump figure, I loved my boobs, I knew they looked great. They were simply just right, it was one of the things I loved about my body. Wooyoung sensed that it must be something more serious and gestured for me to continue.

“You know I got the piercing, but lately it started to act up a little and I’m getting nervous and I just need you to look and tell me it looks fine,” I got out in one breath and he just stared at me. “Okay…? Why don’t you look into the mirror?” he asked, genuinely curious. “I have, but since I’m getting so nervous about it, I need a second opinion,” I explained, “Come on Woo, I know it’s a super weird and gross request, but help me out here.” Wooyoung laughed again and smirked at me.

“Gross and weird?” he repeated, “Not only I’ll see a nipple and a piercing, but I’ll also see a boob and a nipple with a piercing, that’s like some of the best things in this world combined together.” I slapped his shoulder again, but we both laughed this time.

“You’re the worst, god,” I said laughing, “I’m surprised you haven’t died over being such a fucking horndog all the time yet.” He laughed too and then gestured to my top.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just shut up and pull your tits out,” he joked and made himself comfortable on one end of the couch. I wasn’t particularly shy about showing my body, so it wasn’t that hard to bare myself like this. Hell, me and Woo have probably seen each other naked a few times but just didn’t care enough.

I pulled the two straps of my top off my shoulders and bunched the fabric around my waist, then reached around to my back to take off my bra. When it hit the floor Wooyoung’s full attention was suddenly on my chest, and it flustered me a little. I fought the instinct to cover myself with my arms and instead just sat there, topless with my best friend intensely staring at my boobs.

“So?” I asked anxiously, “What do you think?” He suddenly straightened up and it brought us quite close to each other. “That you have really great tits,” he said absent-mindedly, his hands raising on instinct as if going to squish them. I flushed and swatted at them. “Yeah, I know,” I said annoyed, “that’s not what I asked though.” That seemed to break him out of it a little bit and he hunched down so his face was on level with my chest. I face-palmed and hoped no one would come home unannounced, cause this would be damn hard to explain.

“No, yeah I think it’s okay,” Woo said after a while, “I mean, the pierced one looks a little different, but that’s to be expected. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.” I relaxed at hearing him say so and felt the tension leave me at once. But I just needed a little more to feel completely at ease.

“Can you like… touch it to see if it’s weirdly warm or if there’s some weird texture or something?” I asked embarrassed and quickly looked to the side when Woo’s head whipped up to look at me. “You want me to what now?” he questioned me flabbergasted.

“I don’t know, dude! You’re the one that gets into contact with tits, you’ll know if there’s something wrong with it!” I started hurriedly explaining myself, growing more flustered by the minute. Wooyoung stayed quiet for a moment and then sighed. I thought this was finally the line that was too far for him, but then his hand suddenly flew up and stopped just millimetres from my nipple. We both just sat there, holding our breath, not knowing where to look, when he slowly brought his fingers in contact with my skin. I gasped quietly, but in the silence it was still audible. I flushed in embarrassment and refused to look anywhere else except for the wall by the TV.

Wooyoung’s fingers messed around a little, pressing down on the nipple and gently squeezing it, also lightly touching onto the piercing. Surprisingly enough, what I felt wasn’t pain like I feared. With every soft brush of his fingers over the sensitive skin, a little bolt of pleasure shot through me and I had to fight to keep myself from gasping more or arching into his touch. I felt the blush spreading over my face and completely mortified I noticed beginnings of a scorching wet heat between my legs.

Then suddenly his hand was gone and he was clearing his throat. The silence that set between us was broken and we both started shifting around, not knowing what to do with the situation we found ourselves in.

“I think it’s totally fine,” he said, his voice somewhat hoarse, but I was so embarrassed I barely even registered it.

“Oh thank god, I was really getting nervous,” I said and laughed a little awkwardly. Wooyoung wasn’t saying anything and just sat in front of me tensely, so I assumed it was good and he just needed a moment to shake off the sudden awkward atmosphere, and turned around to find my bra. That was a rookie mistake though. The moment my eyes left Wooyoung, he striked. As I was searching the floor with my eyes, suddenly what felt like a lightning strike went through my whole body. My back arched on instinct, and I toppled backwards onto the couch with a loud moan.

Wooyoung’s mouth has attached itself onto my pierced nipple and he sucked again, another shock pulsing through me and pleasure suddenly flooding my senses. My hands flew to his shoulders, but instead of pushing him away I just pulled him closer. I myself wasn’t sure of what was happening or what we were doing, but it felt too good to dwell on it and I definitely didn’t hate it.

Wooyoung moved closer and made himself comfortable between my spread thighs, his mouth busy sucking and licking around my piercing. I was letting out tiny breathy moans, my legs instinctively pulling him closer to my core, hoping for a little friction.

“What… what are you doing?” I finally gathered my wits and asked breathlessly. I looked down to see the top of his head moving around. He peaked up to look at me and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I’ve never been with a girl that has a nipple piercing, I couldn’t help myself,” he explained, and I rolled my eyes at him.

“You damn horndog,” I muttered, but didn’t push him away or stop him. That gave him confidence to continue, and he smirked at me, as one of his hands brushed down my front until he was slightly pushing on my clit through my clothes and I arched again. He moved to the other nipple and played with it a little, while his unoccupied hand moved to my other breast, touching it teasingly, squeezing it slightly and thumbing the piercing.

“It’s so sensitive,” he murmured and watched his hand completely fascinated. I was about to retort something, but he chose that moment to bite at my breast and move up to leave wet hot kisses on my neck and a loud moan came out instead. It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone, and I was starting to worry I might utterly embarrass myself. One of my hands sneaked down between our bodies, trying to encourage him to touch me properly instead of just gently pressing, but he caught it and pulled it up to my shoulder. Suddenly he was towering over me, smirking at me and just generally being a menace. I arched again, this time trying to push our lower halves together, but he avoided me with a laugh.

“God, please, Wooyoung just touch me,” I begged him as the desperation from the scorching heat cursing through my veins was taking over, throwing everything into the wind and fully committing to getting fucked by my best friend. He kept smirking and propped himself up over me on his elbow.

“Touch you, huh?” he said and suddenly his hand was back to teasing my clit, this time with more force. I keened and pushed up into him, suddenly embarrassedly realising just how wet I’d gotten from such small ministrations. He chuckled watching me, head diving to take my pierced nipple into his mouth again, gently playing with it with his tongue and scraping his teeth over it. I jerked and my hands flew into his hair, holding him in place so that he’d never stop, my mouth falling open on a silent moan, too overwhelmed by the sensation to properly function. He slowly moved up to my neck, peppering kisses and small bites along the way, while his fingers moved in little circles over my clothed clit.

I was so turned on I could die, I needed him to touch me properly – like stuff me full of his long beautiful fingers. And I told him as such. And he laughed at me.

“Aw, such a little desperate angel, aren’t you?” Wooyoung whispered into my skin. I whined his name, hoping it would speed him up. He scoffed at me playfully but moved away to pull my shorts off, grabbing them with one hand and pulling them down in one swoop; leaving me a little breathless and only in a bunched up top around my middle, while Wooyoung was still fully clothed. I started pulling his shirt off and he obliged, flinging it to the other side of the room eagerly.

Woo sat back on his heels between my spread thighs to take me in and I started to feel shy again, hands moving to grab onto him and pull him back onto me, but he pushed my arms back into the couch and held them there for a moment, before sitting back again.

“No, no, angel, I’m looking at your pretty pussy,” he teased me, hands grabbing at my full thighs to keep them spread wide. I looked down and suddenly an insecurity reared its head again. About two years ago I had stopped shaving in my intimate area, only trimming it a little, cause it irritated my skin too much and the last time I was about to get some, the guy called me disgusting. Wooyoung was currently watching me like a starved man in front of a feast, but still I nervously covered myself with my hands. His eyes flicked up to me, questioning, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Sorry,” was all I said, mad at myself that I couldn’t even properly get out why I was suddenly so uncomfortable, and he looked at me all confused. “What are you sorry for?” he asked, but then realisation lit up his eyes and he moved to stand up from the couch, “Did you change your mind? You know it’s okay to tell me.” I looped my legs around his waist to pull him back to me and he fell forward with an “oof”. This pressed his erect cock to my core as he held himself up with his hands right by my head and we both moaned at the contact. My legs kept encouraging him to grind into me and for a moment we both just breathlessly moved against each other, Woo releasing little moans and sighs into the heated air between us, and I watched his half-lidded eyes slowly become hazy with pleasure, utterly fascinated.

“So I guess no changing of minds,” he chuckled on a small groan as his hips started thrusting a little harsher against me, losing all rationality and just chasing pleasure. “No, nothing like that,” I whispered back and pulled him for a kiss for the first. As soon as our lips touched, we started hungrily devouring each other, moaning into each other’s mouths and our hands grabbing onto each other desperately. I ended up helplessly grabbing onto his back and most probably leaving red scratches in my wake.

After a moment Woo pulled away, sat back on his heels again and I whined and tried to pull him back, leading him to laugh at me once more; but his fingers went straight for my pussy, spreading it open and sliding through the wetness there. As if placated, I immediately stopped whining and arched my back more, begging for his touch.

“What was that about before?” he asked slightly breathless and I could see he was being serious, even though his finger started slowly circling my clit and playing around. I could barely concentrate on explaining as I was too busy drowning in the liquid pleasure spreading through my entire body.

“Just a little… hng- a little insecure about- about my hair,” I answered while writhing around, simultaneously wanting more and hoping he’d stop so that I could explain properly. His eyes immediately flicked down between my legs just as his finger slid down and slowly slipped into me. I moaned loudly, hands grabbing and squeezing the couch. His gaze was trained on my hole as he pumped his finger in a few times and then quickly slid in a second one.

“Fuck, you’re so wet..” he whispered, still watching his fingers slowly fucking into me, his other hand going to squeeze his erection still tenting his sweats. My mouth was hanging open, eyes unfocused, noises just pouring out as I was finally feeling full for the first time. But then suddenly he pulled his fingers out and focused on me again. I actually sobbed out, trying to close my legs to keep his hand from leaving, but they were still kept spread by his hips.

“Why would you be insecure about it?” Wooyoung whispered and it took me a moment to remember what we were talking about before. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at him, sitting between my spread legs with an obvious erection in sweats stained by my wetness from our grinding before. I flushed again and tore my eyes away from his cock, only to catch his smug smirk. I schooled my expression and said: “The last guy I was with called it disgusting. Said he’s not Columbus to be exploring the rainforest.” Wooyoung scoffed.

“What a fucking asshole, who even comes up with shit like that?” he asked incredulously, “Well, clearly he’s a fucking coward, but thankfully… I’ve always liked a little bit of adventure.” He said the last bit all flirty, winking like an absolute sleaze and I just knew something awful was coming. “Besides,” he said while pressing himself into me again, “the rainforest is the perfect place for my anaconda.” I groaned, but this time from pure embarrassment at his jokes while he cackled like a madman. I pushed him away and started to turn around so that I could stand up.

“God, I changed my mind, get off of me,” I said morosely, but he just grabbed my hips and used the momentum to turn me around and get me on all fours, then pressed us together. A bolt of arousal shot through me, and my arms buckled under my weight, my face pressing into the couch while my ass stayed propped up by Wooyoung, pressed into his hips.

“Actually, this is quite a good idea,” he said grinding into me, “I always knew you’d love to be fucked like this.” He bent over me, his chest pressing into my back as he whispered straight into my ear. “Pressed down like this, taken from behind quick, rough and dirty,” he murmured, “Put nicely in your place…” I moaned unabashed, hips pushing back onto his cock on their own and lust making itself painfully known again; in response I could feel Wooyoung’s hands tightening on my skin and suddenly he pulled back to hurriedly tug his sweats down. His hands made their home on my hips, squeezing and pulling, keeping me pressed into him, his cock slotting between my thighs and sliding along my wet pussy. I keened and attempted to grind back, but he held me as his hips pulled back.

“God, please,” I begged, “Please, Wooyoung, give it to me…” He held himself with one hand and I heard him chuckle. “You want it?” he teased. I felt the head of his cock gently teasing around my hole, slightly pushing in and pulling out again. I sobbed exasperated and nodded, face mushed into the couch and hands grabbing onto the throw pillows, my whole body just fucking screaming for his cock to spear me through and through, cunt spasming and tightening around nothing.

“Yes! Yes, please!” I cried and he finally slid inside in one slow thrust. I moaned with relief and sagged into the couch a little, finally getting what I’ve been wanting this whole time. Wooyoung groaned behind me and his hands dug into the skin of my hips, pushing us impossibly together. The feeling of fullness satisfied something wild and primal in me and I found myself struggling to close my mouth, too blissed out to do anything.

He stilled for a moment to get us both accustomed to the feeling, but clearly both of us were too horny to wait even a little longer, because the second I pushed my hips back into him, he started slowly grinding in small circles and it wasn’t long before it shifted into shallow thrusts punching out little gasps out of me.

I only had to whine out “please!” once to get Wooyoung to speed up and pound into me in a much faster pace, to both of our reliefs. Woo’s cool had quickly melted away into a desperate quick pace that had tiny whiny moans spilling out of him. I wasn’t fairing much better, the slide of his cock along my walls from this angle was absolutely heavenly and within few moments had me absolutely losing my already frayed mind. With my head turned away from the cushions I found myself unable to close my mouth, moans freely slipping out and bouncing off of the walls of the living room. Embarrassingly enough I could feel a string of drool coming out of the corner of my mouth onto the couch, but I couldn’t force myself to care when Wooyoung was fucking me so good.

It quickly became obvious we were both too horny and turned on to keep any kind of decorum, so we descended into a messy filthy fucking, Woo eventually bending over me and plastering his chest to my back, mouthing and biting at my neck in between grunts and groans. Just thinking about how deliciously I was filled with his cock had me moaning loudly, Wooyoung chuckling as if he wasn’t the same, losing his mind over the tight wet heat enveloping him in a torturous hug.

I found myself quickly spiralling, the molten pleasure pumping through my body at an alarming speed. I reached back and pulled at Wooyoung’s hips, forcing him to shift his leg a little closer and putting his hips a little higher over mine, giving him perfect access to that one spot deep inside of me with every thrust. I lost all control over my body then, taken over by the all-consuming pleasure, the moans coming out higher and louder with every thrust.

“God- ah aah-“ I panted out, hands digging into the pillows looking for any kind of purchase to withstand the onslaught of sensations, “I- I’m cumming so-soon.” Wooyoung giggled breathlessly into my shoulder and his hips suddenly gained back a little more direction, aiming to hit the spot with every slam into me, slowly speeding up until he was railing me like a madman, the wet squelch of my cunt and slapping of skin on skin accompanying the cacophony of our joined pleasure. I wailed, unable to keep up with the mounting climax, almost screaming on every thrust inlaid with little gasps, groans and cut off gibberish pouring out of my mouth. It felt as if my entire body lit up, the bliss becoming a little too much for me to properly register beyond “Oh god! Oh yes!” ringing through every inch of my very being.

Then Wooyoung’s hand moved to my tit again and squeezed and pinched the pierced nipple few times, even giving it some light slaps. My whole body seized up on a lightning strike of pleasure and the orgasm hit me like an actual truck, getting thrown over the edge so unexpectedly and with such force that I gave one last wheezing cry, mind blanking out and all I could register was the white ecstasy pouring through me, out of me, as if my entire body was made out of it, every nerve screaming with it.

Distantly I registered Wooyoung’s startled cries and moans, his hips jerking against mine quickly and erratically, his hands back on my hips tightening until I could feel his nails biting into my skin and was sure I’d have a nice set of imprints for at least the rest of the day. Then he stilled over me, cock pushed as deep inside as it could go, pulsing and throbbing as the cum poured out in thick spurts. His deep groan of satisfaction reverberated through my whole body since he was still pressed into my back tightly, letting me enjoy the moment with him.

As if invisible strings were cut, we both collapsed into the couch and hazily I realised I only stayed upright because Wooyoung was holding me so he could fuck me harder. After few minutes my mind slowly started coming back, body tiredly catching up, registering the pleasurable ordeal it just went through. I could feel my pussy throbbing, hot and wet from being thoroughly fucked and filled with Woo’s release, my hips hurting from the pounding. I was almost expecting to see bruises all over me.

For a few moments only laboured breathing was heard through the room as we both recovered, the haze gradually lifting, allowing us to come to terms with what had just happened between us. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel awkward at all. It may have been because I was still lying boneless, unable to speak from the force of the orgasm with Wooyoung’s softening cock still wedged deep inside of my pussy, but I found myself quite comfortable squished into the couch, feeling his shallow breaths in the crook of my neck and his thumping heart against my back. I wondered if he could feel mine, as it was beating just as wildly.

But the comfy silence was broken by the man himself, when he whistled and said: “Wow, I had no idea you could do that.” There was a little teasing undertone to his statement, but mostly I could detect only giddy wonder and pride.

“Do what?” my words still a little slurred, because I was still recovering the functions of my brain and fighting sleep, so deeply sated I could barely hold a full thought.

“Squirt,” Woo stated matter-of-factly, his hands beginning to gently caress my sides to help me come down. “Huh?” I said eloquently and turned to look at him. He just gave me a soft grin, eyes squinting in joy as he took in my state. “I did what?” the question was more rhetorical and I wasn’t even really talking to Wooyoung, rather I started to squirm trying to look down as if my pussy held the answer. And in some way it did. When I managed to lift up my hips a little, my whole body protesting and Wooyoung behind me grunting at the jostling of his soft cock, hands digging into my hips to try and hold me still, I saw that the couch beneath us was absolutely soaked. Slight panic seized me, I didn’t even know why, it was just a natural reaction of my tired brain to the information that apparently Wooyoung, my best friend, had made me squirt for the first time in my life, all over Seonghwa’s lovely sofa. Well, at least it did explain why the orgasm had been so fucking intense, feeling as if the soul left my body and astral projected into a parallel universe.

The squirming dislodged Wooyoung from me and a splat of his cum joined the already huge stain on the furnishing. Now I winced, realising that there was no way either of us was surviving this. Unceremoniously I plopped back down into the mess and turned to Wooyoung, who was sweaty and rosy-cheeked, watching me with amusement.

“Seonghwa is going to fucking murder us,” I muttered tiredly, already back to fighting sleep off now that I was lying again. I let my eyes fall shut and only heard Wooyoung’s answering laugh, only felt him get up from the couch and gently roll me over on my back. There was shuffling, rustling of clothes and footsteps around the living room, but I couldn’t find the strength to look at what was Woo doing, letting myself drift on the high and the aftershocks that were still coursing through me.

Wooyoung was humming somewhere in the apartment and then there was a gentle touch on my hip. I whined but let him do what he needed. A warm wet towel was pressed onto my stomach lightly in lieu of warning and I slowly opened my legs again, feeling the strain and the burn that just hurt so good. Woo tenderly cleaned me up with soft unhurried strokes, then helped me sit up against the pillows to try and put some clothes back on me.

I blearily opened my eyes and blinked at him. Wooyoung was kneeling on the floor in front of me wearing only his sweats and holding his black tee. When he saw I was back in the land of living, he slowly pulled it over my head and helped my arms into the sleeves. I was feeling all warm and fuzzy from his sudden softness, thoroughly enjoying this after-care, suddenly found myself overtaken by the violent need to cuddle and sleep it off, so I was just about to suggest that, when he suddenly sprung to his feet and pulled me up with him. I let myself be man-handled with only a slight surprised yelp, but suddenly standing I realised my legs still weren’t in working order, if my shaking buckling knees were anything to go by, so I just grabbed onto his shoulders and hoped he wouldn’t let me fall.

He didn’t. Another nicely warm towel was now wiping my butt of anything I had been sitting in, his hand gently patting it before putting me back onto the couch in the area that was dry.

I wanted to sleep, but I was too amused by the picture of Wooyoung standing in front of the huge wet stain with a deep thinking expression on his face, wracking his brain for anything to do about it. When a giggle escaped me, suddenly his eyes were on me with a mischievous glint.

“You made the mess and now you laugh at me when I’m trying to save our lives?” he asked jokingly, amusement lacing his tone. I giggled again and curled around one of the pillows, fully committed to watching the comedy unfold. Wooyoung just sighed and looked at the couch as if it murdered his first-born.

“I gotta come up with something before-“ his voice was cut off by the door suddenly opening and a commotion coming in. There were three voices happily chattering something and I could recognise the guys from that. With terror I met Wooyoung’s eyes the moment we registered Seonghwa as one of the voices. Before any of us could even move a muscle, the three men walked into the room and promptly froze in their tracks.

“Holy shit!” It was San who shouted that, but we were focused on the cacophony of emotion going through Seonghwa’s face seconds before he cried out “MY COUCH!!” on the top of his lungs. There was genuine anguish and betrayal in his voice before his eyes redirected from the stain to us with pure fury.

“Okay! Time to take a shower!” Wooyoung shouted and pulled me up, but ended up supporting my entire body when my knees buckled and I was balancing on shaking legs like a new-born fawn. From this angle I could see the pure amusement and approval on San’s face right next to the disgusted traumatised Yeosang. I blushed furiously and let Wooyoung drag me off to a bathroom, where he sat me gently on the toilet.

“I’m going back out,” he whispered with determination as if he was about to walk into a battlefield, leaving his wounded comrade in the safety, knowing there was only death outside. I snickered at him and he theatrically waved at me from the door, before walking out and shutting it behind him.

I could still fairly clearly hear everything go down though, especially when only moments later Yeosang popped in to give me my clothes and stuff I left on the table and didn’t close the door fully after him. My phone was vibrating like crazy, which could only mean San was already blessing the group chat with all the piping hot tea. I unlocked it and clicked on the notifs.

Mountain man: lolol woo and y/n fucked on the couch and completely ruined it

Princess: ew fuck you wooyoung

Muscle baby: i’ll never fucking use the living room again

Brat: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

The situation unfolding in chat was interrupted by the scene that was going on in the living room in the real time.

“Calm down, I’ll think of something,” Wooyoung’s voice carried through, trying to console Hwa only to be followed by another shriek of “BUT MY COUCH!!”.

“Wow Wooyoung, I really thought better of you,” Sannie teased, adding oil to fire and I could clearly hear his laughs. No signs of Yeosang, but he was probably just standing there watching it all go down.

“I spent months picking it out!” the level of hysteria was steadily rising in Hwa’s voice and I really slowly started fearing for Woo’s life. “I’m gonna have it dry cleaned or something,” the said man offered only to be met with more shrieking.

“You better fucking throw that thing out, there’s no way I’m sitting on it after this,” San added very unhelpfully to the conversation, “especially since I saw the state of it.” There was a beat of silence during which I imagined Wooyoung was throwing daggers at San with his gaze for stirring more shit into it.

“I’ll buy a new one,” was his final plea and while it was met with some more grumbling and fake-crying, I could hear the situation calming down.

Captain: what the fuck is happening there when i’m not home

Mountain man: fornication

Demon angel: disgusting

M o t h e r: MY COUCH

M o t h e r: my amazing couch in the perfect shade of blue that i was looking for

M o t h e r: DEAD AND DEFILED

Puppy: i’ll help you look for a new one, hyung

Mountain man: wooyoung already agreed to buy a new one since he was the cause of the *suspiciously* large stain

Captain: no details

Captain: never any details

Captain: first rule of fight club

xoxo from hell: 🤔🤔

xoxo from hell: i think

Princess: oooh she breaks her silence

xoxo from hell: that a certain man here in this chat should rather shut up considering last week i walked in on him fucking a girl on the kitchen table

Brat: oop-

Mountain man: Y/N

Mountain man: NO

Demon angel: 🤮

Muscle baby: RIGHT WHERE WE EAT???!!!

Puppy: eat pussy apparently

Princess: nice

Captain: don’t encourage him

“MY KITCHEN TABLE?!” Seonghwa’s scream sounded through the flat just as Wooyoung slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him with a wide grin. Distantly I could hear San’s pleading and general chaos as Hwa no doubt started raining fury upon him.

“Nice save,” Wooyoung smirked at me and started ridding us of clothes so we could finally take the shower we both desperately needed. The feeling of the hot water hitting my spent and pleasantly aching body relaxed me and I sighed with content. I was basically ready to melt into a puddle right there, sleep slowly rearing its head back up, so I just went with the motion and let Woo soap us both up and rinse us, I let him dry me and put a fresh tee on me that I didn’t even notice he brought with him. I was just watching him with eyes half closed and a doped out smile on my face.

“You’re so cute like this,” Woo muttered as he led me through the hall to his room, amusement and fondness filling his voice with uncharacteristic gentle sweetness. Upon entering his room I immediately beelined for the bed and burrowed myself between the blankets and pillows. Woo rummaged around in his closet for a moment, but it was the only sound I could hear as the apartment suddenly fell almost eerily quiet.

“If I’m so cute now,” I finally mumbled out from underneath the cozy pile, “maybe you should fuck me more often then.” That had Wooyoung turning around to face me with a mischievous grin. “I fully intend to do that,” he said devilishly and jumped in with me. It took a bit of shuffling to get into a comfortable spooning position, but we were no strangers to cuddling each other, so it went rather smoothly.

Just as the sleep was claiming me and I felt myself getting pulled under, Woo suddenly perked up and said: “You don’t think the silence means hyung murdered San and now Yeosang’s helping him get rid of the body, right?” I snickered gently, but just swatted at him to lay back down.

“Well, he probably deserved it,” Woo muttered and snuggled in closer to me, letting the exhaustion finally lull us to sleep. And it was the most comfortable sleep I’ve had in a while, even if San potentially paid for it with his life.

Divider from the amazing @saradika-graphics 💜

A/N: hope you enjoyed yourself, don't be shy I'm always open to comments and asks!!

[wileys-russo]

going the distance II unc!a.russo x reader

as always unc!era remains god tier, based on this request

going the distance II unc!a.russo x reader

"-and you're sure she doesn't know?" you asked lotte for the tenth time who rolled her eyes. "yes i'm sure! have i ever lied to you?" the brunette chuckled, keeping a careful eye out as she ushered you through the campus.

you'd met your girlfriend when you were sixteen at a house party, she'd gone along with a few of her under nineteen national team after a big win and the cheers the small group had gained as the entered captured your attention.

you'd known lotte for years having grown up a few houses down from her your families had become quite close, though once things with football became more serious you'd seen less of her still at school yourself.

so quickly making your way over for a hug and hello was when she'd introduced you to a few of her friends, alessia a little tongue tied around you much to her friends amusement as she seemed to follow you around all night not unlike a lost puppy.

you'd exchanged numbers and hung out a few times. her crush on you was anything but subtle as you finally grew inpatient of waiting for her to make a move after weeks of pining and made one of your own, catching her off guard.

from then on her confidence grew as did your feelings for one another and the rest was a story she loved to tell people at any chance she was given, especially now that you both lived in separate countries and were doing long distance.

which lead to right now as lotte let herself into her dorm room, ushering you inside with a worried look around, knowing alessia was due over anytime now. it was the final game of the season, the championship, and you'd lead alessia to believe you'd not be able to be there for it.

your own university had broken up last week despite you lying to your girlfriend of almost two and a half years now that you had another fortnight of exams and wouldn't be able to come and support her, which she was gutted by but made sure not to show this to you knowing your own education wasn't any less important than hers.

you'd come and seen her in north carolina a few times now though rarely while she was mid season given your university semester dates seldom allowed you to, and you relished in the few weeks every term break where she was back home and the two of you fell into your old routine together.

distance does make the heart grow fonder but the small lapses in it where you were back together again just meant leaving one another and going back to having that distance was so much harder, and it hurt a lot for the first few days adjusting back into it.

the blonde was by nature incredibly hard to surprise, always working out your plans before you had a chance to even try much to your growing frustrations and her insistence that it was an 'accident'.

so spurred on by her family you'd concocted this plan and roped lotte in to help, alessia's own family were due to touch down in a few days time and you'd stay with them for the most part but lotte had pulled some strings with the coaches that would mean you could stay with alessia at the uni for a few days beforehand.

but first, came the seemingly simple task of surprising her with your presence. however you knew nothing was that easy with the stubborn striker and the lack of contact from you for a couple of days as you'd flown over was sure to have raised her suspicions.

you'd even gone as far as to memorise the time differences, making sure you weren't texting her as you normally would once you touched down, since you were supposed to be sleeping.

you'd excused your lack of contact and drawn it down to your need to study for the exams which didn't really exist, alessia being understanding as usual though you knew from chatting with lotte on the way back from the airport that your girlfriend had been miserable.

"get in the closet."

"what?" you gave the taller brunette a bewildered look as she opened the door, dropped your bags down and gestured inside. "lotte!" you huffed, this not a part of the original plan.

"you want to surprise her right? you can jump out and scare the living daylights of her, very romantic." lotte grinned gesturing again for you to get inside.

"i came out of the closet three years ago wubben-moy, this feels slightly homophobic." you huffed as she shoved you playfully and you stepped inside, hurriedly closing the door as knocks sounded on the other one.

your heart rate accelerated hearing your girlfriends voice as she entered the room, knowing she was only a few metres away after not seeing her in person for months now.

"lotte why do i have to help you catch up? you're normally so on top of your assignments this is very unlike you." you heard alessia groan and the squeak of a mattress meaning she'd likely collapsed onto the bed, and you could very near imagine the bored look which would be etched in her features.

"oh its not me who needs help with their studies." lotte stated and you heard her knock twice on the cupboard door signally you were good to go. "what the hell do you mean its not-"

"surprise!" you shouted as you barelled out of the closet, both you and lotte grinning as alessia jolted up and very near went flying off the edge of the bed as she just caught herself.

"can you help me study for my exams please babe?" you smiled, a flash of blonde flying toward you and you laughed as her hands hooked under your thighs hoisting you up into a bone crushing hug, your legs wrapping around the taller girls waist.

"surprise, finally got ya russo." you chirped with a grin, softening as you wiped a few stray tears from the corner of her eyes. "baby don't cry." you laughed, hugging her tightly and running a hand through her hair, winking at lotte who was filming a few feet away.

"but you were-and then you said-but you had to-don't you have-" the striker rambled out among her sniffles, hopelessly lost and most definitely shocked as she struggled to even get out a sentence.

"i know, might have told a few white lies love but in my defence you are incredibly hard to surprise. so nosy!" you teased, your girlfriend placing you back down on your feet and pulling you in for another hug, your face pressed into her shoulder as she clung onto you as if worried it was all some sort of dream.

"are you really here right now?" "i'm really here right now, and you've got me all to yourself till we fly home for spring break."

"seriously!" alessia's eyes widened even further as her lips finally curled into a shit eating grin. "if thats okay?" you clarified, not entirely sure of her schedule as her head nodded about a million miles per hour, grin somehow widening even further.

"alright lovebirds it was a pleasure to help meddle in this little plan but i don't fancy a live show of you 'catching up' so please, exit stage left!" lotte smiled, opening her door and waving for the two of you to leave.

you tried to grab your bags but your girlfriend had them all in her hands before you could even try. "shut up." the blonde smiled shutting down your protests, sweetly kissing your cheek a few times as lotte jokingly gagged and your stomach fluttered at even just the brief sensation of her lips against your skin.

"less let me just take one!" you laughed as she struggled, shifting your duffle on her shoulder so she could free up a hand to grab yours, the two of you mostly you, hugging lotte goodbye as you departed for alessia's own room which was only luckily just down the hall.

you'd been here before so there wasn't any need for a tour, just time to make up for as your girlfriend jutted out her hip and nodded for you to grab her room keys from her pocket. unlocking the door the two of you hurried inside, alessia dropping your bags the moment it clicked closed again.

"god i missed you." she exhaled shakily and within seconds her hands were on your hips and your body was being pulled flush into hers, her head dipping to connect her mouth to yours as your knees nearly buckled from the breathless passionate kiss you were rewarded with.

"missed you more." you mumbled against her lips, hands resting on her cheeks as she pulled the two of you to sit down on the edge of her bed, never breaking the kiss for even a second.

"hi." you finally pulled away, pressing your forehead against hers. "hello gorgeous." the blonde beamed, unable to keep the smile off her face as you wrapped your arms around her neck and the two of you collapsed with a laugh back into the mattress.

"you really had no idea at all?" you questioned, slotting your legs between hers as she firmly shook her head. "not a single bit. i was moping alot because we weren't talking much, lotte told me i was becoming insufferable to be around." the striker pouted which you made quick work of kissing away, grinning at the slight blush which coated her cheeks afterwards.

"now thats hardly a championship winning attitude baby." you smiled in amusement as again she perked up, pushing herself up to rest on one elbow. "you'll be here for the game!" alessia realized excitedly, flopping down on top of you and peppering your face with kisses as you laughed and pushed her off.

"you can wear one of my jerseys, i'll braid your hair, you can sit with my family and- wait do they know you're here too?" your girlfriend rambled on as you nodded. "sure do. honestly shocked neither one of your brothers let it slip, they're just as bad as you are with surprises." you teased with a grin.

"its a russo family curse i'm afraid my love." "what to be hopelessly nosy?" "hey!"

~

"less!" you laughed, trying to take a seat as your girlfriend slid her body left and right, blocking you at every opportunity as she patted her thighs expectantly.

"only one seat left i'm afraid, sorry babe." the striker grinned, wrapping her arms around your torso and pulling you down to sit on her lap as you rolled your eyes. "are they always like this?" one of her teammates katie asked lotte who hummed as alessia smacked her shoulder.

"don't be jealous now girls." the blonde winked as you sighed dramatically causing her to playfully pinch your side. "hey we're hardly jealous, its your little love bubble which caused you to be late which means you're running the beep test solo this afternoon at training." katie smirked as your girlfriend groaned loudly, forehead thumping into your back.

"i would like the jury to know that it was not my fault and i tried for a half an hour to encourage her to get up and out of bed but she refused." you spoke loudly as lotte smacked her fist on her textbook like a judges gavel proclaiming your innocence.

"i'm not a morning person and i don't understand why we have to go for a team run at 6am in summer!" alessia huffed as you twisted around and played with the rings on her fingers absentmindedly.

"that doesn't sound very team orientated of you captain russo." you smirked, katie cheering and giving you a high five as you felt your girlfriends glare burn into the back of your head, stretching around to smile and peck at her lips.

"you should come watch, see your girlfriend all sweaty and hot." madeline another one of her teammates grinned from beside lotte. "more like puffing, panting and on the ground half dead. its boiling out there and again need i remind less; beep test." katie added on as alessia groaned even louder, squeezing you tightly.

"i'll be sure to bring a video camera." you nodded eagerly, her teammates roaring with laughter as your girlfriend continued her whining, disappointed when no one took her side or agreed to her plan to try and get out of the beep test, all of them having been up and ready in the morning and lacking in sympathy.

luckily for alessia given that it was so close to the championship training was a closed afair so she'd left you to occupy yourself in her dorm room, almost making herself late again as she'd insisted on about a hundred kisses goodbye.

"alessia you'll be done in a few hours and i'll be right here, you're not off to fight a war love get out!" you laughed pushing at her chest as she puckered her lips for another kiss, sighing dramatically and blowing you one final kiss as she raced out the door.

arriving luckily with just a few seconds to spare she saved herself any further punishment, the solo beep test enough of a grueling humiliation as the rest of her team sat with ice vests and water bottles on the sideline cheering her on.

finally making it to the last level alessia could run no more, collapsing onto her back and covering her eyes with her arm, nodding along to her coaches words and heeding the warning if she blew off a single training she'd be benched and stripped of the captains armband.

though it seemed harsh she knew it was fair and that as captain she needed to step up and set a good example, her team mates helping her up and strapping an ice vest on, helping her to sit down and chug a powerade as everyone stretched and chattered about the weekends match.

finally dismissed the girls dragged themselves off the pitch, alessia practically peeling herself off the bench, grabbing their bags and all reminded firmly that there was to be another 6am run tomorrow and everyone was expected to show at 5:45am sharp.

now she could breath and somewhat walk again the teasing began, alessia taking it all on the chin as slowly the girls branched off in small groups heading for their respective dorm buildings and agreeing to meet up later to do dinner together and some team bonding, a subtle request from the coaching staff.

hearing alessia's key turn in the door she'd opened it before you could even stand, sat with your feet propped up on her desk reading a book. "hey baby." you greeted her happily, a grin curling onto your lips at the disheveled sight of her.

"how was the beep test?" you teased as she dropped her bag and kicked her slides off by the door, collapsing to lay down on the floor with a deep sigh. "that fun huh?" you laughed spinning around in her chair, still adjusting from the english cold you were certainly feeling the heat yourself. so you couldn't even begin to imagine running around in it for a few hours like alessia had been.

"go shower lessi, you'll feel much better." you encouraged, poking her limp form with your foot as she whined and pushed it away. "too hot to move." alessia mumbled, patting the floor beside her clearly expecting you to lay down with her.

"not till you shower, i can smell you from here." you smirked, an u impressed glare sent your way as your girlfriend slowly got up to her feet with a groan of pain. "thanks for your sympathy babe." she grumbled as she did.

"alessia!" it was now your turn to groan as she wrapped herself around you, her skin sticking uncomfortably to your own. "get off you're disgustingly sweaty." you moaned trying to wrench her hands off to no avail.

"didn't you miss me baby? honestly you're so rude." she mumbled into your neck making you roll your eyes. "are you studying?" she frowned at the book in your hands. "no! some of us like to just read...for fun." you smacked her forehead with the book.

"mmm my smart pretty girl, soon to be a lawyer!" alessia grinned wolfishly, pecking your lips and gratefully peeling herself off of you. "more like in three more years baby but thank you for your support." you chuckled.

"i still tell everyone my girlfriends studying law, very very very proudly." alessia beamed, hovering over you as she held herself up, hands gripping the arms of the desk chair you were sat in.

"as i tell everyone my girlfriend is going to win gold for england in the next olympics, very very very proudly." you smiled up at her, both your eyes shining with adoration. "that medal will be going right around your neck baby, my good luck charm." alessia mumbled as she pressed her lips to yours, you pushing her away before she could go any further.

"go shower! then we can makeout." "or we could shower together and makeout." "well women are supposed to be good at multi tasking right?" "mm exactly love. so lets go prove their point then."

~

"that was pathetic! you can do so much better than that." alessia laughed, effortlessly stopping the ball with her foot and shaking her head. "you're supposed to be coaching me here not insulting me!" you huffed crossing your arms with a pointed stare.

"i have told you over and over how to kick it, i can't kick it for you baby." alessia grinned, rolling the ball back to you as you sighed, smiling sarcastically as she commended your trapping it.

the two of you were messing around kicking a ball on a spare pitch she'd been given access to as captain, having accompanied your girlfriend for her afternoon workout, even joining in much to her utter delight.

though you knew really alessia only encouraged it so that she could have her hands all over you in nothing but a pair of bike shorts and a sports bra as she 'helped you' use all the equipment as if you'd never stepped foot in a gym before, but hardly disliking her hands all over you you played into it.

for a cool down she'd suggested the two of you kick a ball around, the sun setting the perfect backdrop for you to agree as you'd spent more time taking photos than playing any form of football as your girlfriend has confiscated your phone.

"football is your thing not mine!" you huffed as again your shots were all easily blocked by your girlfriend in goal. "okay now i'm going to defend and you have to get past me and shoot, no one to stop you scoring once you do. easy!" alessia stepped forward as you grabbed the ball and placed it by your feet.

"give me your worst babe."

of course, even your very worst was no match for the footballer between you, alessia taking the ball off you with ease every single time.

"ref! where's the ref! contact!" you yelled as your girlfriends arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you off the ground, carrying you easily in one arm as she expertly flicked the ball into the back of the net.

"referee! obstruction!" you laughed, alessia throwing you over her shoulder as she pumped her arms up in victory, spinning the two of you around before collapsing to the ground and taking you with her.

"dirty cheat, you've been in america too long!" you laughed, moving so your head was resting on her bare stomach, both of you just in shorts and sports bra's as the thick summer heat was pelting down even as the evening ascended.

"russo! clear off please the juniors have to train!"

~

"-and then my mum said they're already headed over with some of the other families so to meet them at the field." your girlfriend informed as you hummed, her head laid in your lap as you sat against the headboard of her bed.

"we should really get going love, you're starting to cut it fine." you reminded with a smile, chuckling as she sighed and buried her face in your stomach. "i'm nervous."

"what?" you frowned, not quite hearing her with her face smushed into your top. "i'm nervous." she sighed, sitting up and moving so she was beside you, your hand quickly grabbing hers.

"thats to be expected baby this is a big game. but you've played big games and all you can do is give it your best and no one can ask anything more of you!" you stated firmly, moving so you were straddling her lap and grabbing her face in your hands.

"you are a phenomenal brilliant passionate talented footballer lessi, you've already played for your senior national team three times and you're only twenty. thats huge!" you traced her jaw with your thumbs as she nodded.

"you're the captain of this team for a reason and i have not a shadow of doubt one day you're gonna be captain of england. this is that first step you have to take toward it, next up is the euros and the olympics and the world cup, onwards and upwards. but for now you need to go out give 100% and inspire your girls to do the same! you're going to win this and lift that championship trophy, i know you are." you promised.

"can you repeat that? i'm going to need to write it down and give it as my captains speech." the blonde joked though you were relieved to see the tension in her shoulders ease a little at your words. "i love you. i am so fucking happy you're here and you have no idea how much it means to me." alessias hands caressed your thighs with a gentle squeeze.

"i love you more, my star girl."

~

"i have to say the pink tape wrap headband she's rocking is something new, is that an american thing?" gio tutted as you rolled your eyes and pushed him, luca mumbling to focus on the game as the match ticked down to its final minutes, unc ahead by just a singular goal they'd well and truly parked the bus.

"this is it, this is the last play." you exhaled shakily as the injury time ran out and the opposition gained a corner. "i can't watch." you shook your head, covering your face with your hands as alessias mum carol rubbed your back with a chuckle on your other side.

you peeked through a crack in your fingers as there was a thump and the baill sailed through the air, a sea of players decked out in both baby blue and red pushed and shoved one another desperate to make first contact.

it was the opposition who got the first touch, smacking the ball at goal as it just grazed the keepers fingers and there was a sharp inhale from the home support, no one uttering a word.

but as the body of players parted it revealed the unc goalkeeper did make the save, curled up around the ball as the whistle blew for full time and there was a thunderous roar as everyone around you all leapt to their feet with whistles, screams, claps and cheers.

you jumped about and hugged alessia's family and friends, watching on with a heart swelled up with pride as your girlfriend raced around the field with her team.

"thats your cue!" gio nudged you as she appeared at the barrier grinning up at you, ignoring her brothers making kissy faces as mario told them off and you made your way down toward her.

"told you you could do it." you beamed as you hung over the barrier, your girlfriend pulling you into a hug as you whispered her praises into her ear, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"proper one for the winner?" the blonde grabbed your jersey in her fists with a grin, tugging your lips to meet her own as you kissed her, cheeks flushing red at the wolf whistles from her team mates who alessia flipped off without even needing to break the kiss.

"my winner."

[megs-1800]

Breaking Your Own Heart

Notes: This is based on a request from anonymous this took me a while to write so I do apologise for the delay and hope its what you wanted it to be like. Requests are still open.

Summary: Mason breaks up with you due to the stress of moving to Manchester, breaking apart your family and leaving you a single mum to your daughter together. But when Declan gets married and you both are invited, you haven't seen eachother since the break up, will you be able to remain civil? Will there be hope for you both yet?

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 8.1K

Warnings: Fluff, Angst and mentions of drug use

It was 4 years ago when Mason and I met, I have travelled down to London to meet my friends at Uni. They decided they wanted to go to a new club that had opened up so we all ended up going. I wasn’t really one for clubbing but I enjoyed spending time with my friends. I was at the bar getting all us a drink when this man started coming up to me making advances I generally wasn’t interested and I was really started to get uncomfortable which I was shocked that he couldn’t see it on my face as my body language was saying it all. Next thing I knew I had an arm around my waist “Hey baby thanks for holding the spot at the bar” I looked at him to say who the hell are you, which he gave me a look back to say just go with it. I quickly replied “No worries baby what am I ordering?”. Which with this the guy who was bothering me at the bar quickly walked away. “Thanks for that, he just wouldn’t get the hint”. I smirked. “No worries I could never turn down a women in need”. You winked. I knew who you were I was a massive football fan but I still wanted to play it cool. “What do you want?” Mason gestured to the bar. “I was just ordering a couple of vodka lemonades for the group”. Which I pointed in the direction my friends were sitting in and realised they have now since gone and another group of people are now sitting in the space. My face dropped “Great they left me again, I am getting so sick of them leaving me to go hook up with some guys for fuck sake”. I go to walk away when suddenly feel a hand on my wrist “So just the one vodka lemonade then is it?”. You give me such a cheeky smile which makes my heart melt, I cannot believe I am stood here talking to Mason Mount. “its fine honestly, I am just going to go. My friends are gone so I will probably just go get a taxi but to my hotel”. Mason’s face falls as if he was disappointed. “You are more than welcome to join my table, I am sure they won’t mind one more” I now suddenly feel massively insecure “Honestly its fine, I know who you are Mason I am sure the last thing you want is to be stuck with me all night when you can have any girl you want in this bar”. You start to walk closer to me which closes the gab between us “and I want to spend the rest of my night with the beautiful girl in front of me, and I want to buy her a drink if she allows it. But honestly you can walk away now and I will wallow in my pity then I will never get to have my chance with you”. Bloody hell I am not sure if it is the amount of alcohol I have already consumed or was that smooth as fuck. I smiled and nodded.

The rest of the night was amazing we were all chatting and laughing away and I hit it off with the boys and their partners, especially Lauren (Declan’s girlfriend) we have been really getting to know eachother. When it was time to go, Mason claimed he didn’t really get much of a time to talk to me and asked for my number. He said “well I did kind of save your life tonight from creepy dude”. I laughed how overdramatic but no offence Mason Mount wanted my number I was defiantly happy to obliged.

We spent time getting to know eachother over text and facetime and before I knew it we were dating. He was the sweetest guy I have ever been with, he was constantly buying me presents and taking me out and we just had the best time together. I knew I wanted to be his after the first date. After about 6 months of officially dating the long distance was getting to us both, you didn’t live far from London but with your work and Mason’s schedule you literally only saw eachother a couple of times a week if that. Mason asked you to move to London which you were really nervous about at first but after some persuading by Mason you agreed.

Living together was a bliss at first, it was amazing living with Mason. It started to get lonely when he was away with training or games but he brought you a chocolate Labrador called Rocco which was great having a puppy in the house to give you some company. Mason always kept you out of the press as well, he always posted you as he wanted to make a point to say he was now taken but never posted your whole face which meant more of a peaceful life for you.

Everything was going well, that was until 2 years ago. Mason was away on an away game, I usually go to support him but I was working on Sunday so it made sense for me to stay home. It was Saturday night and I was checking the score and saw that Chelsea had won, I bet Mason is happy. I sent him a quick praise text “Well done baby! So proud!”. I curled back onto the sofa with Rocco and I looked on TV, it was an advert about pregnancy test and periods being late. It was a weird feeling I couldn’t explain it, I am on the pill so I do not have a period but then I suddenly think back to 3 weeks ago when I had an awful stomach bug and couldn’t keep anything down so the pill must not of been taken and that means I am now not protected for 7 days since then and I can definitely remember me and Mason had sex at least twice during this stage and OMG one of them it was like multiple times in a night due to a drunken haze. My toes curl again just thinking about it. Surely not I thought Surely I cannot be pregnant. I quickly run to the local shop and I pick up a clear blue digital, I need to be 100% sure I don’t want to be worrying about if there is a line or not. I quickly run to the bathroom and its the longest 3 minutes of my life. That’s when it flashes up Pregnant 2-3 weeks. SHIT! What are we going to do?

Mason was amazing as soon as I told him he was the happiest I have ever seen it, there was not even an inch of panic inside him, it was all excitement. He was amazing all throughout the pregnancy always made sure me and the baby were all okay he was my rock. The day we brought Esme home Mason’s family were all waiting to greet you. You were in a complete bubble you have never been happier.

It was hard being a mum, Esme struggled with sleeping and eating when she was first born so I was completely sleep deprived as she was constantly screaming and Mason was constantly out the house with training, or games, or shoots/promotions. It was tough and put a massive strain on you both. You were over an hour away from your family so it was hard not having that support, you leaned on Lauren as Jude was born around the same time so you were both going through the same thing. However you wanted and needed Mason but he was never around.

Things started to get worse when they were discussions of Mason moving from Chelsea, you didn’t want to believe it and you both had massive arguments about this. “WELL ITS MY CAREER WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO! JUST SIT AT HOME WITH YOU ALL DAY Y/N!” You were more emotional than usual since having Esme and you hated screaming with Mason but now you got so much fire in you the fights got so much more confrontational. “WELL JUST LEAVE ME AND ESME THEN MASON! IF YOUR FUCKING CAREER IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN YOUR DAUGHTER”. Mason was so shocked at this which made him more angry “HOW DARE YOU Y/N! YOU KNOW ESME IS MY WORLD WHY DO YOU THINK I AM DOING ALL THIS TO MAKE A GOOD FUTURE FOR HER, FOR US Y/N! FOR OUR FUCKING FAMILY!!”. I can feel the tiredness overwhelming me now, I hate arguing with Mason but sometimes he never sees it from my point of view. “Well Mason just think you are trying to build a future for us by pushing away how does that makes senses baby?”. At that I walk into the other room pick up Esme who is chilling in her play area and walk upstairs. I can feel my tears running down Esme’s check as I am holding her so close. I can here Mason shouting stuff at himself and slamming cupboards downstairs but right now all I want to do is curl up with my baby and forget about all of this bullshit.

About 6 months later, there are now rumours about Mason moving to Manchester United. I didn’t want to believe it. Manchester is miles away and I really do not want to pack up my life again and move further away. Everytime I ask Mason about it he curves away from the questions and has become very distant due to the injuries and all this gossip going around so it feels like we are strangers again. I go to bed alone and wake up and he is already gone it feels like we are not even together anymore.

Mason explained that his parents were coming over this evening which I was fine about, I love Debbie and Tony and they love me like their own and they absolutely love Esme. Me and Mason prepped dinner together before they came over and we even had a quickie in the shower, it was the closest we had been in months, something felt off. We had dinner and was chatting away with Esme in the highchair munching on some pasta, getting more on herself then in her mouth. After we finished dinner Tony turned to Mason “Are we all going to talk about this now?” I looked at Mason confused “talk about what?” Mason nodded and turned to me “Manchester United have approached me, I need to leave Chelsea and they are offering me a deal I cannot really say no to, I just don’t know what to do because I know you are not on board with moving that far away”. I am so shocked, I don’t know what to say how can he seriously be ambushing me with his parents here is he serious. “Well Mason, I gave up my life to move down to London to be with you and now you want me to pack up my life again to move all the way to Manchester? That’s not fair Mase”. I am directly looking at Mason and his head is down. Tony buts into the conversation “Its part of being with a footballer darling, you need to be able to cope with the moving around constantly ask any WAG”. I feel a bit offended that Tony has but in, this is supposed to be a conversation between me and Mason and our daughters future. I am not winning this argument. “This move is massive for me y/n please it would be good for my career, I could really do with your support. Please think about me in this situation and not just yourself”. Fuck you Mount I am thinking my blood is now boiling at this last bit “I am not thinking about myself Mason, I don’t care, I am thinking about our daughters support system which you should too. We have no one in Manchester, you think both sets of parents are miles away. Dec and Lauren is in London with Jude who she spends all her time with, all our friends everything is here Mason. Think about your fucking daughter”  I can feel myself welling up at this point I am defeated “You know what Mase, it looks like you have already made your decision anyway. So you do what you want as usual. Thank you both for coming, please leave your plates in the sink I will sort the washing up out later”. At that I stand up, walk over to Esme and pick her up out of her highchair and walk myself back in our bedroom. Once inside I feel myself break as I sob into my daughter, I cannot believe he has done this to our family.

Months passed and Mason and I didn’t really didn’t speak about that night further, it was really cold between us and Mason signed for Manchester United. I was excited for him but I hated the fact at moving all the way to Manchester. I went with Mason obviously as I wanted my child to have a stable family however it turned out to be even more toxic. Mason became very distant and with the injuries and the hate he was getting from moving it was really getting to him, I was trying to be there for him and to hold our family together but it was just not working. He kept pushing me away and everytime I tried to push it would cause an argument. He hardly spent time with Esme which hurt me more seeing my little girl getting upset because she cannot see her daddy and everytime I speak to Mason about that again you guessed it, it caused an argument.

I have put Esme to sleep and she is all curled up, I have come downstairs and Mason is curled up on the sofa. I sat on the sofa and the tension could be cut with a knife its dead silent with both of us just starting at the TV. “You got something to say?” Mason said in a harsh tone. I looked at him with tired eyes, all we have done is fight since we came to Manchester, its so toxic which we both know. “What do you want me to say Mason, everytime I try and talk to you it has caused an argument and I am getting real tired of arguing”. He turns to look at me and I cannot tell if its anger or sadness in his eyes. “I don’t know y/n, I know I have been distant recently its just so hard with everything at the moment I am struggling to cope and right now I am trying to focus on my career but you keep pushing me to focus on us. You and Esme are my world and always will be but right now maybe we just need time”. I cannot believe I am here this right now. “Are you serious right now Mount?! You dragged me and your daughter all the way up to Manchester to just break up with us? How do you think I feel, I am here all alone all day with Esme, no friends, no family here, then when you get in you never walk talk or spend time with us. You are not the only one getting hate, since Esme is born I am getting it too, and all the cheating rumours going around that you are seen with this and that girl its fucking hard Mason! But I am still here making sure you are okay. And now you just want to throw it all away, like all I have done means nothing to you? All I have done is be supportive of the move even though you know I didn’t want to do this but I never said anything and now what? You just want to leave me really”. At this last part I break I am now in full on tears. “Please don’t cry baby” You wipe my cheek and rest my cheek in your hands “I love you and Esme more then anything in the world just please everything is getting too much for me at the moment, and it will be easier if I can just focus on my career instead of having to focus on my career and us. I will still be here for you and Esme I just need some time please Y/N, please give me that”. At this point I can feel the tears pouring down my face which I cannot hold in anymore. “I cannot believe you Mase, after everything we have been through really you just want to give up. You are saying we are your world, you just don’t love us enough to fight for us I suppose.” I start to stand up and make my way over to the living room exit and turn towards Mason. “Don’t worry Mase, I will start packing now I will make sure we are gone as soon as possible”. As I make my way up to our now used to be shared bedroom I can feel my heart shatter into a hundred pieces.

I moved out after a couple of days and moved myself and Esme back to (your hometown). You stayed with your parents for a couple of days and put some of your stuff in storage. That’s when Mason messaged you and explained that he brought you a flat for you and Esme as he didn’t want his daughter on the streets. I appreciated he did this because I would struggle to rent somewhere on my own and couldn’t live with my parents forever. It will still bitter though, I was once the love of his life but I guess I didn’t mean what I thought I meant to him.

Mason and I broke up 10 months ago now, I read on the news that his injury spell has continued which I bet has killed him. He only has seen Esme a couple of times when Debbie and Tony have had her, he has popped over to see her. He always posts gifts and clothes to the house which I appreciate and will send me money every month which he said is to support her and for the bills which again I always respond explaining that I appreciate. Which he replies saying “Just because I am not in Esme’s life as much as I want, I still want to make sure she has the world. I want to make sure you do not stress trying to provide for her as well as I know you will give her everything you have and you deserve to treat yourself as well ;)”That text made me smile. Me and Mason haven’t seen eachother since the breakup, and we only communicate over text message, we usually keep the chat aimed at Esme which I send him pictures and updates, as soon as the text goes off topic the other person usually doesn’t reply which we are both guilty for. I just wish I knew what he was thinking.

Mason POV

Its been 10 months since y/n and I broke up. I cannot believe I did it, it was the worst mistake of my life. I miss her more then anything else and I miss my baby girl, I miss Esme more than words can say. My injury spell has continued and I have become a shell of myself. I cannot believe I broke up with y/n, she was my rock my everything I hate myself for ending it, she was the only thing that was keeping me positive and now she is gone. I would give anything to be a family again. That’s why I send her money and things for Esme, I don’t want her panicking about providing for her because I know she will always put Esme first, I want you to happy, that’s all I ever wanted.

I received a text message : “Yo Mase I know its been a tough time lately but Lauren wanted to know if you wanted to come round for dinner tonight, we having a couple of other people over too. To celebrate the engagement and all that. I would really appreciate if you came”. I looked at the message and felt my heart sank, I know this would be something you jumped at the opportunity to go to, I know how excited you would be about Dec and Lauren getting married, but now I do not get to enjoy these moments with you anymore. I quickly replied back explaining I would be there and to send me the details about times and all that. I didn’t want to go but I know I had be there for my friend.

When I arrived there was a couple of the other guys are their girlfriends there and a couple of Lauren friends, part of me really wished you were there so I could see you again. Actually no all of me wished you were there, to see those beautiful eyes and that contagious smile would be all I need right now to get me out of the head space I am in. We sit down to eat and I look across the table hoping to see you but you are not there, I can feel my heart ache again. I can hear all the constant chatter across the table but my mind is zoned out all I can think about is you. One of the boys pulls me out of daydream and asks “Hows Esme doing Mason?” I wish I knew I thought but I thought better of it and faked a smile “Yeah she is doing well thanks, you know what its like growing up way to quickly” and made a little giggle which made the whole table copy. The rest of the table continue in conversation as I help Dec and Lauren clear the plates from dinner, we take them into the kitchen. “Congratulations bro” I saw wrapping my arm around Dec shoulders “I cannot believe you two are getting married its going to be one hell of a party” I say winking at Dec. Lauren then buts in “I am marrying the love of my life Mase, its not a party” which she said in a jokish tone which we all laughed at. “How is she doing Lauren?” I instantly regret asking that as soon as I say it but I need to know. Lauren gives me a small smile trying to console me I think. “She is doing well Mase. Esme is incredible she is a really intelligent girl she is walking and talking and her personality is amazing and so confident. She is amazing Mase honestly”. I smiled its so good how hearing my baby girl is striving in life, but that’s not who I meant. “Thank you Lauren but I didn’t mean Esme, hows Y/N/N doing?” Lauren gives me a sympathetic look “I know what you meant Mase. She is doing well now. She really struggled when you broke up, she was struggling to look after herself, don’t get me wrong she always made sure Esme was cared for, but she struggled Mase. She always said loosing you was the hardest thing. Especially with you making her move to Manchester to just break up with her, that was out of order Mase!” Lauren shouts which makes me wince, I was a dick for doing that I still cannot believe I did that to her. “I know Lauren, I thought if we all moved to Manchester it would help. I hate it Lauren I hate what I did and I wish I never ended it and worked harder to keep my family. Believe me if there was anything I could do to get them back I would. I even started messaging her the past couple of days but she is ignoring me. I love her more then anything Lauren honestly, I just want to make sure she is okay and happy. She deserves the world”. Lauren looks down as if she is scared to tell me the next bit What doesn’t she want to tell me? I look her with pleading eyes I need to make sure she is okay. “She is good Mase, actually she is really good. She started seeing this guy a couple of months ago and they started hitting it off. Esme absolutely loves him and it’s the happiest I have seen Y/N in months. She is allowed to be happy Mase, so please just let her have this. You have hurt her enough”. I look down at the floor trying to hold it all together, I can feel a lump in my throat I cannot believe I lost my chance and you have moved on. At that I said my goodbyes and quickly escorting myself out of Declan’s I can feel the lump in my throat as I leave trying to stop myself from breaking. I cannot believe y/n moved on, I don’t blame her. She is an amazing girl I cannot believe I let her go.

I have been a mess since finding out y/n had moved on, and the fact that my daughter loves him too. They are being a family without me, the thought of this breaks me. I know I was the one who ended it but I didn’t want to break up I just needed some time to get my head around everything. I would get on my hands and knees and beg for her back if needed. I needed her back, I am nothing without them both. I need y/n and I need my baby.

More time passes and you become less talkative with me, you even stop sending me updates about Esme. I have to ask for them which you always send me when requested but you used to message me everyday before and now you are keeping the conversation very blunt I am so broken. It comes to week of Declan and Laurens wedding and all I can think about is seeing you. I know that Esme is the flower girl and you are a bridesmaid. I am the best man, this is my chance to apologise. This is my chance to win you back.

Mason POV

I look at myself in the mirror and straighten my tie. “I cannot believe you are getting married mate. Lauren is amazing you are so lucky” I put my arm around him and I can feel my heart ache at the thought of you. “I will go see the girls quickly so I can grab Jude”. Declan nods and I start walking to the other side of the hotel where I know the girls were getting ready. I knock on the door and let out the breath that I didn’t even realise I was holding. As one of the bridesmaids open the door and let me in I smile at Jude and Lauren as I come in. “You look amazing Lauren! Congratulations!!” I hug Lauren being careful not to ruin her dress. “I am here to pick up Jude” I explain which Lauren nods and points over to Jude. Jude is playing with Esme in the corner and that’s when my eyes meet yours. You look absolutely breathtaking. You have a mint green dress which matches my tie and your hair is all curled and up in a bun with a few strands of hair curled around your face. You’re absolutely breathtaking. I can feel my heart beating through my chest. You smile at me and I can feel my whole body heating up. “Hey” I say that’s all I can get out I can feel my palms sweating I do not know why I am so nervous. “You look incredible”  which I can see the small smile on your face as you look down. This is the first time we are seeing eachother in person since the breakup. You give me a small giggle then respond “Right back at you Mount”. My heart melts at hearing her voice again and seeing that small giggle I forgotten how much I miss you. I am suddenly brought out of my trance “daddddddyyyyyyy!!!” I hear as Esme comes running over to me. She has a long puffier dress which is white and has a ribbon round it which is mint green which matches us. I quickly pick her up and gave her the biggest hug, I didn’t realise how tight I was holding her until she asked me to put her down. I slowly lower her and give her the biggest smile which she returns. I quickly see the time and see I need to get back to Declan. I don’t want to leave you though. “I will catch you later? I need to get Jude to Declan” I ask which you do not respond and just give me a small smile and nod.

The wedding was beautiful but I just keep looking at you, it makes me think of what could have been between us if I didn’t fuck it up this could have been our wedding. She looked incredible, you always have been the prettiest women in the room in my eyes. I cannot believe I let you go.

After the wedding the reception went amazing, everyone was in good spirits. Everyone was chatting away over me but I wasn’t listening all I was doing is watching you. I can see the way your lips touch the champagne glass wishing those lips were on mine.

You go to walk outside on the decking and I know this is my chance, so I follow you out. As I come outside I see you speaking to a guy. You are all giddy which I relive the memory of knowing this is what you are like when you are drunk. You walk round the back which I follow but ensure I keep my distance at the same time. You walk over to a guy, he is tall and has a warm cheeky smile and I watch you wrap your drunk arms around him and hold him tight and engage in a deep kiss. The sight of it makes me feel sick. I watch you two interact with eachother, it breaks my heart that’s how we used to be. I suddenly get a hint of a weed then I realise what that guy is smoking is a joint. I watch you two talk for another 10 minutes then watch him finish his smoke and kiss you goodbye and go back inside this is my chance I thought.

I slowly begin walking over to you carefully and quietly as you are on your own I grab your wrist a little so you turn to look at me “he best not be smoking that round my daughter” I know that sounded more harsh then I wanted and I didn’t want to cause an argument but I was shocked at the sight. I see you roll your eyes and let out a little scoff “He doesn’t smoke around Esme and he never really smokes anyway he only did because someone at the wedding offered it to him and they were sharing it. But you know what I do not need to justify anything to you, he is a grown man he can do what he wants but the thought that you would think of me letting drugs be around my daughter fucking really! And yeah Mason hear that she isn’t YOUR daughter she is MY daughter” which you made the empathies on the Your and My. That made my heart break hearing that.

“Is this what you came here for Mason, to just start shit. I really don’t need to hear it Mason. I have spent too much of my life arguing with you and letting you upset me and today isn’t going to be one of them”. I look down as I can see the tears starting to form in your eyes. All I want to do is grab and kiss you to take the pain away but I know I cannot do it.

“I am sorry y/n I never meant to hurt you, I was selfish I never should of moved you all the way to Manchester to just push you away. I just didn’t know how to cope with it. I didn’t want to drag you down with me you deserved all the happiness in the world and I couldn’t offer you that in that moment of time”. At this point I have closed the gap between us and I am holding your hands in mine. I can see the tears running down your face I am not sure if those are tears of sadness or anger right now. Your eyes are totally blank. “Here”  I say passing you a bottle of water “I can see all you have drunken all day is champagne. You hate champagne and you probably going to be on the floor soon so lets make sure you make it home in one piece so please hydrate”. I wink at you, in which you return this with a small smile and mutter a quiet thank you whilst you can a couple of sips. “What are you doing here Mase” In which I laugh at that and make a cocky comment “Well its kind of my best friends wedding” In which you roll your eyes at that comment and I think I here  a small laugh in return but I really couldn’t tell. “I mean what are you doing here Mase, outside with me. Like why have you decided now of all times to come speak to me like do you really need to do this now”. You sound so scared in your voice I know I need to tread carefully.

“I came to say sorry y/n, I am sorry for breaking your heart. You are my world. You both are, you and Esme. My life has been incomplete since you have been gone. I would give anything to go back in time and change what happened and fight harder for us.” At this point my hands are now holding your waist and I have brought you into me. We are eye to eye and I can see the hurt in your eyes as you are trying not to break. You push me away gently, “No Mase, you don’t get to have a couple of drinks and now suddenly you are sorry. What you did Mason, I would of stayed by your side through everything. You gave up, you pushed us away.” I look at her with so much regret. “I know I did, I never wanted to walk away it just all got so much it was so much pressure from me from everywhere. Everyone needed me to be the best footballer, and you needed me to be a family man. I just needed the world to stop spinning for 5 mins for me to get my head around everything. I am sorry, if I could go back in time I would choose you, our family. All I want is you and Esme. I have been a mess without you”. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest this is the moment I have been waiting for.  “The problem is Mase, I can forgive you for breaking my heart, but I can never forgive you for breaking here’s” At this I can see your entire body break, all the hurt you were building up is now coming flooding at your eyes. The memory of breaking both your hearts hurts me, I never wanted any of this.

“We are a happy Mase, both of us. We are a family me, Esme and Daniel. Please just let us be. Getting over you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I finally found a guy who makes me feel the way you used to make me feel. Please Mase, don’t do this not now please.” I hear you started to control your breathing to stop you from hyperventilating throughout the sentence as you continue to let the tears fall. The way you said the way I used to make you feel shattered my heart, and knowing you now feel this for someone else breaks me also.

“You deserve so much better y/n, much more then what this Daniel can offer you.” I say pleading. “Oh what Mase, do I deserve someone like you! Someone who drags me and his daughter all the way up to Manchester to just break up with them! Do I deserve that Mase?!” You are now shouting and throwing your arms about, it probably wasn’t the best time to have this conversation. “You know what I mean y/n people like him are not good for people like you”. At this point you are now shooting daggers at me across the decking. “People like him, what the hell does that even mean?” You spit out. “He had one joint Mason, he is an adult he is allowed. He doesn’t do it around Esme. He is not a drug addict. What the fuck are you even talking about Mase. Go fuck off!” I can see you are starting to get defensive. “He is not who you think he is Y/n/n. I know I am not your favourite person right now but please just hear me out. He does a lot more drugs then you think and his last relationship ended because he robbed his ex for everything she had, I am assuming for drug debt, and left her in so much debt. I don’t want that to be you please y/n, be smart about this.” Her eyes start to soften I can tell she is in disbelief right now not knowing to believe me or not. “Your lying! How do you even know all of this? Did you like stalk me or something?!” I try to walk forward to comfort you but as I take a step forward you take a step back. “Of course I was looking out for you y/n. As soon as I heard you were dating this Daniel I had to check him out I had to look out for you and Esme. So I asked about him but what I heard wasn’t great, but I knew if I did it over text you wouldn’t listen to me. She is my daughter y/n I deserve to know who you are bringing into in her life”.

“Don’t act like you care about her Mason. You know ‘father of the year!’ tell me what her favourite colour is? Or the last time she cried? Or what her favourite bedtime story is?” At that I look down as we both knew I couldn’t answer these questions. “Exactly Mason you cannot tell me! You know nothing about her, but you know what Daniel can answer every single one of those questions. He is more of a father to Esme then you ever will be so I beg you stop acting like you care about us, because all your care about is yourself Mase. I can’t…. I can’t… I’m…I’m gonna be sick”. I watch as you quickly look around and dart for the bin on the edge of the decking and start throwing up. I knew you shouldn’t of drunk that much champagne you cannot handle it. I quickly run over to you and pull back the few stands of hair that have fallen out of your bun to make sure you do not get sick in your hair and start rubbing your back, giving you reassurance works like ‘its alright’ and ‘that’s it get it all out’.

Once you are done being sick you stand up and drink some more of the water that I gave you earlier. “I cannot do this now Mason. You made your decision, you didn’t want us. Please let us carry on with our lives. Let us be happy please Mason. If you don’t want to do it for me. Do it for that innocent little girl. She loved you and you broke her heart. You weren’t there whilst she cried for you every night. She is finally happy Mase, she deserves that so please let her be happy”. At that I let you walk away as I can feel a tear slip down my cheek. That’s not the way I thought tonight would go but I guess I will just have to let you both be happy, at the end of the day you both deserve that.

The rest of the night was bittersweet, I watched as you danced the night away with that Daniel. You were grinding on him and making out with him on the dance floor. I know you were more drunk then you were earlier, you were always like that once you were drunk you loved making me jealous. I know you were doing it to just wind me up because as you had your back to him as he hold your waist tightly grinding you into him, your eyes were on me the whole time. It hurt so much, but I knew I deserved that. The part that hurt worse is when Esme came to dance with you both, he held her in his arms as he had his arms wrapped around you as you all were dancing. I can tell this time you were not trying to make me jealous you were living in the moment. You looked so happy, like one big happy family. I could feel my heart shatter. I had to walk away from the dance floor. I couldn’t watch it anymore. I have lost you both.

A couple of weeks later, I got home from training. It was a cold wet winter day. I had a hot shower the feeling of the water hitting my skin instantly warming me up felt like ecstasy. It was a later training day today so by the time I have made dinner, I now find myself wrapped up on the sofa trying to stay warm watching shit on TV, and can feel myself yawning as its now getting late. I can feel myself starting to drift off when suddenly the door bell rings which wakes me up. I quickly open the app on my phone to see who is at the door, when I see you slightly wet from the rain, I can see your face is puffy and soaked not sure if that’s from the rain or if you have been crying. You have got Esme wrapped in your arms and I can tell she is completely knock out asleep.

I feel myself running to the door, when I open the door the sight of you melts my heart. I can now tell the reason why your face is so puffy is from crying you look a mess. But a beautiful mess. “I am s..s..s..sorry for coming down, I didn’t know where else to go. My parents are on holiday and I started driving and then I realised I just drove here. I am s..s..s..sorry for disturbing you”. I quickly pull you inside to the warm. “You can put her upstairs. I always kept her room the same you know in case she ever stayed”. You quickly nod and run Esme upstairs, you being here is all I ever wanted. You come downstairs and you look defeated. I offered you a drink which you decline and I direct you to come and sit in the living room.

You plop yourself onto the sofa which I come and sit next to you, placing a hand on your thigh trying to give you some reassurance. “I am sorry for just turning up I just didn’t know where else to go”. I continue to rub your thigh “Don’t apologise I told you I am always here. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Has something happened to Esme?” I say concerned, you now take my hand of your thigh and hold my hands in yours. “You were right, you were right Mase?” I know look at you confused I have no idea what you are talking about. “Daniel turned out to be the guy you said he was. He was in massive drug debts. He took loans out in my names to clear them. I had a drug dealer turn up at my door threatening me and Esme if he didn’t pay this money. I cannot believe he would do this to me”. You start to break, I wrap you in my arms and put you onto my lap as you cry into my chest, I can feel you soaking my t-shirt as you cry.

“So what happened with him, how did you leave it?” I say hopeful, hoping that you would say you have ended it. “The guy turned up at lunchtime, I explained I had no idea what happened and about this money. The guy left but explained the money has to be paid one way or the other. When Daniel got home I confronted him about it and he confessed everything. He owes like £10k worth of debt and he even explained that he was only getting close to me because he knew Esme’s was yours and you would give us child maintenance and support. He just used me to get your money. I just feel so stupid. I kicked him out and explained no one is turning up at my door. I just feel so awful I didn’t know where to go, I just didn’t feel safe in the flat right now.”.

I look at you with so much pity, I always wanted you back but I didn’t want to be right. I didn’t want you hurting this much. “You and Esme can stay here the night if that helps you to be safe. You know I will always keep both of you safe” I can see you smile, I look down at you as you are wrapped in my arms. You look at my lips and before I know you have crashed your lips to me. You turn to straddle me and deepen the kiss. I have waited so long for this kiss. You stop the kiss and look into my eyes still straddling me. “I am sorry, we shouldn’t be doing this. My head is just all over the place at the moment”. I put a strand of hair behind your eyes and cup your face, you are the most beautiful women I have ever met. “I am not complaining. All I have wanted for months is to feel your kiss”. You giggle at that comment. “If me and Esme could stay tonight that would be great but do not want to impose if you have plans”. I can feel my heart begin to beat fast, I have waited so long to have you this close again. “You do not even have to ask, I am so happy to have you both here again”. You start to move off my lap, I begin to look down as I can feel a lump in my throat coming. “Does Esme hate me? The way you spoke about me knowing nothing about her life, does she think I am a rubbish dad, does she hate me?”

This time you close the gap between us and cup my face in your hands, “she loves you more then words can say Mase. I just said what I said to hurt you because I was shocked and hurt at the time. I always speak to you about her, I show her pictures of you and your family always speak about you. She understands you are busy. Don’t get me wrong she misses you, and always asks why her daddy isn’t around but she loves you Mase I promise. She is going to be so happy when she finds out she is going to wake up in her daddy’s house”. That speech makes my heart melt. I stand up which follow my steps and I wrap you up in my arms. “I love you so much y/n, you and Esme are my everything. I love you”. You smile back into my chest and I feel you tightening the grip on my waist. Maybe there is a chance for us. Maybe we can be a family again.

[groovebunker]

i’m gonna be obnoxious about this and people are just going to have to be cool about that. yes? good.

happy birthday to what would you do (if they ever found us out) (affectionately known as wwyd)!!! a year ago today, i posted chapter one and (i’m not being dramatic here) i think it changed my life?

little backstory: i’m a dyke with eyes and a type, so when i watched fran drescher making impassioned speeches about labour rights, i was both smitten and reminded that i’d been meaning to watch the nanny. i was also (mostly unbeknownst to me) about as mentally ill as i’ve ever been in my life. i was halfway through a phd which i loved but it was making me so, so unwell. anyway, i started watching the nanny as some kind of escapism and one night, i was like…has anyone thought of fran and cc kissing on the mouth? and they had (obviously) and so i started thinking about that and how whine cellar is a deeply disappointing episode in so many ways and then i was like ‘i can fix that! with a one shot!’.

fast fwd to april 2024. i’m in my favourite city in the world. i’m posting the 11th chapter of that one shot far too late at night (sorry sara). it’s ended up about 85k words long. i’m no longer a phd candidate. i’m significantly less mentally ill. and i’ve spent the last 8 or so months being held by a group of people i would never have met if i had never started writing again.

i didn't quit my phd to write fan fiction, obviously. but writing fic helped me realise how unhappy i was because it was something that gave me joy in a time that was so fucking bleak. i don't really like thinking about it too much but it wasn't great. and then i had this lifeline. these two idiots (affectionate) falling in love with one another, not only in wwyd but all the other fics i was writing. and talking about with people who were commenting and finding me on tumblr. and then, eventually, we weren't just talking about fran and cc, we were talking about our lives! because we were friends!

people will tell you before you start a phd that it's a lonely experience. i was the only history student in my cohort. i only met one of my supervisors in person at his leaving drinks. i have two friends i met at my uni, one of whom was the first person i told that i had to quit. i had other friends and an incredible, loving, patient partner, and they were amazing. but still, it was lonely.

and then i just fucking wasn't.

january ‘24, the squad evolved from being my stupid tumblr tag to being the most chaotic group chat i have ever been part of (until nic got us nicely organised). a week or so later, i quit the phd. and i told a bunch of people i’d never met that i was dropping out of grad school and they were so fucking kind. i will never forget that. the squad, in all its iterations, will have my heart for my whole life. i will not rest until i have annoyed you all in person. my dream is winning the lottery and flying you all to a villa in spain for a week so i can cook you dinner (and cass can make bread) every night and drink wine and splash about in the sun (or in sara’s case, hide in the shade and probably yell at us to put sun screen on). when i say i love you, i mean it so wholly and truly.

anyway, back to wwyd. it’s not my first fic. i’ve been writing on and off for 15 long, long years. but i hadn't written a ton for a while (other than my aloto fic bc gretson my beloved) and i really kind of expected to get a couple of comments and a few kudos. i just had a story that wanted to get out so i published the first few chapters in really rather quick succession (i’m sorry to anyone who reads my stuff, my adhd is too bad for a posting schedule) and people…loved it? like, really loved it. which was so nice because i’m gonna be honest, there was not an adoring audience for my academic work (perils of being a genocide scholar). and i know it's become quite a few people’s comfort fic. i know people have reread it, more than once in some cases, which feels wild. people have left the most wonderful comments, said the kindest things, drawn gorgeous art, made a fanmix (which is fucking amazing), followed along on this journey which i did not expect them to do.

i don't have favourite children (b&w fans, i promise you, the next chapter is in the works) but if i did, wwyd might be one. sure, she's my difficult eldest child. but she got me into a fandom for the first time in years, she’s given me friends i know I will hold onto for the rest of my life, she reminded me how much fun writing can be. and she’s spawned so much more because she made me so much more confident as a writer.

so i don't think i’m being overdramatic when i say it changed my life. if you’d told me all of this when i hit publish on chapter one last year, i would have told you to fuck off. relatively vehemently. but i’m better now. and i’m so fucking grateful for this fic for being part of what gave me that.

anyway, thanks for letting me be a bit self indulgent - promise you don't have to sit through this ever again (maybe for won't you when i finally get it done. i’m sorry. i’m verbose). and once again, to everyone who has read wwyd, given it kudos, commented, reblogged a chapter on tumblr, all of it, my eternal thanks. i couldn't have done it without you.

finally, because i cannot say it enough, to the squad, you have my whole heart. it’s actually mad to me that this time last year, i had no idea who any of you were. your stamp on the last few chapters of wwyd is indelible. your stamp on my life is somehow more permanent than that. thank you. ilsym 🫶🏻

[moni-logues]

Hi there, pretty Moni!

If it isn’t too much to ask, may I please request a professor Yoongi x female college student reader piece?

For the genre, hmmm. Surprise us, maybe? 🤭🥹

Thank you very much, eonni. ☺️

okkkkkkkkkkk

SO, I am not super comfortable with a professor/student dynamic so I have done a peer tutor type situation; hope that is ok! I really don't know if this is anything, tbh, but I'm really just trying to leave the tap on to get the rust out!! So thank you for this request; I hope it at least in some way satisfies!

Pairing: Yoongi x reader (gender neutral)

Genre: acquaintances-to-?? dating? maybe?? tbc lol; college/uni AU

Summary: Your university forces you to be tutored to bring up your grades; your tutor is the quiet loner from class whom you begin to realise you should have noticed long before now.

Word count: 1.2k

Content: none to warn for, unless you have traumatic memories of philosophy essays lmao

Kant or Won't?

You pushed through the heavy library door with a sigh. It was a beautiful day – one of the first of the year. The blossom was budding on the trees; the grass was dry enough to sit on; the sun was bright and warm overhead. You were heading into the dim, crowded world of studying on a Saturday.  

You only had yourself to blame. You knew that. One too many parties and too few essays written. You knew you had to try harder. What you didn’t know was why your school was mandating tutoring. It wasn’t that you didn’t know things! You didn’t struggle with the material; it was the sitting down and focusing on it that was the problem. How a tutor was supposed to help with that, you didn’t know. You did, however, want to stay at university so you accepted your fate.  

The peer tutor service had told you which private study room was booked for your session, but when you peered in through the door window, you assumed there must have been some sort of mistake.  

“Uh, it’s Yoongi, right?” you asked, tentatively as you entered the room.  

He looked up and nodded. 

You knew Yoongi. Well, you knew of him. He was in your philosophy group. He contributed only when forced to and you had never seen him chatting to anyone either before or after seminars. You assumed he was just some kind of loner loser guy and that was really the first and last you ever thought of him. You didn’t notice him and no one else seemed to either.  

It surprised you that he would volunteer to do this: meet with lazy, unfocused students to bring their grades up. It wasn’t exactly socialising, but it was social. It would involve talking to people. Strangers. Maybe even people he actively disliked. 

You sat around the corner of the table from him and pulled out your notebook, full of half-finished sentences and scribbled notes from lectures. The edges were black with doodles and your first clean page was the one right next to where you had snapped and written ‘FUUUUUUUUCK’ in huge capital letters. You tucked that page to the back and readied your pen. 

“Just so you know,” you started as Yoongi opened his textbook, “I’m not actually like, dumb. I’m fine with the material; I just hate doing the essays, y’know? I’m just too lazy to get around to it, so then, when it’s the night before deadline, I just have to write any old shit to get it done. You know how it is, right? Procrastination nation.” 

Yoongi looked at you, thoughtfully, and it was the first time you’d ever really seen his face. It was nice. He was kind of good-looking actually. You wondered what sort of life he had off-campus. Maybe he just didn’t like the people at school. Maybe he had other friends. A partner? Not that you cared, but you thought, now that you were really looking at him, maybe he could have one. Not bad at all. 

“Lazy?” he asked. 

You nodded, expecting him to say something more. He didn’t.  

“Ok, well...” You spoke for him. “I guess we’re supposed to get my essay on Kant done?” 

You flicked through your notes to see if you’d taken any while Yoongi still just looked at you.  

“What are you views on Kant?” you asked.  

“What are your views on Kant?” he countered.  

You wondered if it was a test. You’d told him you knew the material; it was only reasonable for him to ask for proof.  

The directness of his gaze made you feel a little flustered; the focus of his attention unwavering in a way you found unsettling.  

“Um, well, ok...” 

* * * 

“Guess what I’ve just done,” you demanded as you walked into the private study room two weeks later. 

“What?” 

“I’ve just submitted my Kant thing!” 

Yoongi didn’t look surprised, but he did look pleased. You felt a genuine sense of pride, swiftly followed by an embarrassed guilt that you should feel so proud of something that thousands of other people did with ease every day.  

“Wow,” he said. “And the deadline isn’t for three whole days.” 

“I know!” 

“How do you feel?”  

You didn’t want to tell him how pleased with yourself you were. You knew he had submitted his last week. You didn’t want to let him know that you were pathetic enough to feel a genuine sense of achievement over what you’d done. It was minor. Embarrassingly minor.  

“Good, I guess. Nice to have it out of the way.” 

Yoongi nodded.  

“That’s really great.” 

He smiled at you and you smiled back. If you got a good grade for this essay, you wouldn’t have to come back for tutoring. That alone had almost made you not complete the essay. Yoongi’s presence was soothing and something about being here in this room with him made it easier to focus. You liked studying with him. He mostly kept to himself and let you ask questions when you needed to. It didn’t really feel like tutoring at all, to be honest. He was a study buddy, not a teacher.  

You were surprised how much you enjoyed it, actually, when it really got down to it. Without the screaming panic of a deadline just hours away, you had more time to focus on the content, think about the topic, read about it, dig in. You remembered why you had chosen philosophy in the first place. And, when prompted, Yoongi would talk to you about it, too; your views were often the same, but not always. He was smarter than you, but not by much. 

You met frequently, first in short bursts, then in longer and longer sessions that you often found yourself wishing would last longer. Yoongi was good at sticking to the topic, pulling you back around when your conversation veered into general chat or something irrelevant, which you did more and more each time, because he was nice to talk to, he was interesting; you wanted to know what he thought and what he had to say.  

You also still didn’t know if he had a partner. 

*  

“Aha!”  

You cornered Yoongi in the classroom before he could escape, thrusting your essay into his face. He took it from you and eyed the grade in the corner with a smirk. 

“Well done, you.”  

“Nailed it, mate!” 

“You did.” 

“This means you don’t have to tutor me anymore.” 

He laughed softly. 

“It’s not like I really ever did anything. You said so yourself: you know the material. You never really needed me.” 

Something about that made you feel sad. You had needed him. You would not have been able to do it without him, if all your past experiences were to be relied upon.  

“Well, actually...”  

You had been working up to this. It was the perfect opportunity so you had just been waiting, waiting for your grade, waiting for this open target. 

“I was kind of hoping you might have some time to talk over the next one with me... Not formally, as a tutor, but just... y’know... Like, as a classmate. Or friend.” 

Yoongi blinked rapidly, his mouth slightly open.  

“Uh, yeah. Yeah ok.” 

“Cool. I’ll, um, text you or something and we can set up a time?” 

He nodded. There was a tiny stretch of tension between you, held for just a moment, before he stood from his seat and you straightened up, readying to walk away.  

“I’ll see you... soon, I guess.” 

��Yeah, soon.” 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not buying something for a friend on card when they only have cash? (profanity warning up ahead lol) 🦈🦈🦈

A few months ago myself and some of my friends (fake names: Lucy F, Mark M, Kai NB, Jenny F, Charlie NB) decided to go see a movie at the local cinema (we chose it because it's the cheapest in the area). For a very long time, this place only accepted cash unless you booked tickets in advance but after COVID now operates exclusively on contactless payments — no exceptions. Whenever we got there everybody had already booked tickets so we went right into the theatre to get good seats (tickets don't have specific seats at this cinema; it's first come, first served). Once we got our seats of choice, we decided to go to the cinema shop for food in pairs so that nobody would take out spot and after Mark and Kai went, Lucy and I went.

I went first and paid for a medium popcorn and a small box of Maltesers but when it was Lucy's turn she only had cash, therefore could not pay, which made her get snappy at the worker there who obviously couldn't do anything about it. Lucy then asked me if I could pay on card and she could repay me with cash (which is a reasonable request but shit goes sideways after this) so I checked my balance to see if I could. Turns out I only had twenty cents left on my card.

Side note: we're all teenagers and Lucy, Mark, Charlie and I don't have jobs because at the time we were still considered to young to be hired in my area unless we wanted to get paid severely below the minimum wage (McDonald's, I see you). My money consists solely of birthday money that I can spend on buying gifts for myself and others, and going out with my friends. I budget myself strictly because I don't have a steady source of income and keep my unspent money in my savings dedicated towards university. My parents won't start a uni fund for me until I get my first job (which I personally think is fairly reasonable so that I can work for my education) Also I've been saving money in my budget to see this movie for a while since I was excited about it's release (FNAF lol).

Anyway, I tell Lucy I only have 20c and I'm sorry, but she snatches my phone without asking to look at my bank details to see $400 in savings (I know it's not enough for uni but please bare with me /lh). I naturally freaked out in my head and take it back from her, worried that she was going to try buy food anyway, read my bank account details or take money out of my literal uni fund. When I quickly explained it was my only fund for university and I didn't feel comfortable whittling it down (we're in public and there's a line of three people behind Lucy) she gets mad and properly yells that I'm being a "selfish bitch" and only thinking about myself, and that I should just pay for her anyway so she can give me the cash (I would have nowhere safe to keep it in my house as my sister takes any physical money and lies about it, which she has done to me before). I offer to go back to the group and take someone else down like Jenny or Kai who can make the trade or that she can share my food (she likes popcorn and Maltesers) but she again called me a "bitch" at the top of her lungs in a public space with people behind her and families with young children nearby, and stormed back to the theatre, leaving me to apologise to the workers and members of the public.

We go back to the theatre and I again offer for her to share my food and ask if any of my friends could do the trade but she once more announced I was a "selfish, stupid bitch" quote unquote and that it didn't matter anymore anyways. She proceeded to sulk the rest of the movie and later when we walked around the area just for fun.

Later when we all went home, it turned out Lucy, immediately after I got on my bus, made a group chat with everybody but me to talk shit about me. I found out about this because I was on the bus home with Mark (we're practically neighbours) and he showed me the messages right away. She had completely changed the story to make her a hapless victim that I, the unfeeling antagonist, publicly shamed even though after the movie I apologised to her again (I genuinely felt like shit after all of it) and explained the situation to my curious friends (Lucy agreed with what I said then — except I kept out the "bitch" stuff — but rewrote the whole story in their group chat).

At school she started avoiding myself, Mark, Charlie, and other friends who didn't go see the FNAF movie with us because apparently they were all on "my side" (I didn't realise that this whole thing was a big deal or that there were definitive sides people had to choose). Kai and Jenny (who were sticking with Lucy but still talking to the rest of us) came up to me separately and told me that Lucy was "hurt by my actions" and just because I didn't like her, didn't give me the right to "take that experience away". I asked why they thought I didn't like her and that's how I found out she had been talking shit about me for months behind my back (and others like Mark and people who didn't go see the movie), which did upset me because I still considered Lucy a friend despite all this.

Kai and Jenny told me to apologise. Mark and Charlie told me not to. I haven't yet and it's been over a month now. Lucy, Kai and Jenny still hang out with us but Lucy still shit-talks myself and others and will consistently bring up that I didn't pay for her despite the fact that it was ages ago now and I really didn't think it was that deep.

Do you guys think I'm the asshole for not draining my uni funds to get my friend a popcorn and Maltesers, and then not apologising when she tried to turn our friends against me over it?

What are these acronyms?

[wontwowon]

WHAT - 13 : What do I do?

wc. (769)

Waking up to a bunch of notifications can be either a blessing or a curse. When I saw all the notifications I thought maybe my post went viral.

The group chat was full of notifications, maybe they were congratulating me?? Or maybe Belle and Ricky were arguing about something stupid.

Niki also texted me. Maybe he wanted more robux, or was asking for a shoutout since I told people to unfollow him as a joke. 

I went on twitter- my biggest mistake.

My dm’s were full of death threats. 

Full.

Even as I refreshed the page, more and more kept coming.

Yujin’s post

Was it some sick kind of joke? She was playing the victim??

I couldn't get too much into it. I had a test I had to go to. I didn't even want to think about everyone. Do I reply? Do I skip?

“Yn!! Time for school, your math test is today!” 

That's right, I have to get good grades for her, my mom. I push myself up.

I don't want to go, but I will.

Yunjin didn’t bother to walk with me. I see her walking, but the dirty glare she gives me tells me already not to talk to her.

I don't blame her…

As I walk into the building I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Not only strangers, but also the people I call friends.

Yunjin and Karina glare at me. Taesan looks at me without any emotion- somehow scarier than the girls. Sohee looks betrayed- hurt- confused. And Hanbin, he looks… sorry?

I think what hurts the most is Sunghoon, he’s with Yujin.

She cries in his arms, and he consoles her. 

I want to be her. I want to cry in his arms. Why, why am I suffering. 

I try not to think about it as I head to math. I see Heeseung. 

Do I sit next to him?? Will he glare at me too?

I just sit where I normally do, Heeseung moves.

Do they seriously believe the post? Do I really seem fake?

I can hear my classmates whisper, it doesn't sound good. I put my head down, desperately trying to focus on math. 

Luckily the math teacher comes, and silences everyone. He passed the math tests.

He stops at me, maybe it’s because I'm wearing a shitty outfit, or maybe because I have no makeup? 

“Kids these days..” he whispers at me, while shaking his head. So.. he’s seen it too.

Has everyone seen it? Does everyone hate me? 

I can't even see the paper, my eyes full with tears, blurring the questions. I can’t help but zone out. Am I really the bad guy?? 

What do I do?

Do I leave again? Run away again?

That's all I know.  

I always run, running is easy.

So I do.

I get up and leave, I can hear the teacher call my name out. I can see Heeseung staring at me, slightly concerned. 

I speed walk in the hall, I left my bag in the class but I don't care.

I hear people whisper about me, but I don't care.

I just want my mom. 

“Yn?”

I see Sunghoon. He called me. But next to him isn’t what I want to see. Yujin is still there. 

I stand in the middle of the hallway, I see my old friends, Sunghoon’s friends, and a bunch of random people. 

“Yn, you gonna finally own up?” Yujin asks with a small smirk on her face. That smirk. It makes me annoyed. 

Why should I let her win? But… would anyone believe me?

I look around again, but then I see Niki.

He gives me a look… almost telling me to do something. 

Yujin now stands in front of me. I guess she tries to intimidate me. 

I know what I'm about to do is wrong, but I don't care anymore. Even if I try, nothing will help me get everyone's trust back. It happened back at SM uni, it’ll happen again here.

So I do it, I defend myself for the first time. 

I can only imagine the look on Belle's face, she’ll buy me some food in congratulating me. Jaehyun will lecture me, but still be proud. Ricky, he’ll definitely hype me up.

I can already see Niki’s face, he’s smiling. My mom will be slightly proud, but definitely mad. But that's ok. 

I finally see Sunghoon’s face, he's shocked. 

But I don't care. I don’t care anymore.

That’s why I continuously punch Yujin until someone pulls me off. And the rest of the next couple of hours were a blur.

previous | master list | next

SIDE NOTE please lmk if there’s any warnings I missed out in my master list, i don’t want to miss any 😅 also for some reason I can’t reply to comments?? But thank you to everyone who comments, reblogs, likes or even just reads, I really appreciate it ☺️

[lixiepixiedust]

College Dirtbags

pairing — collegeau!jeongin x f!reader

word count — 1.3k

warnings — she/her reader, friends 2 lovers, suggestive themes, FLUFFFF, mentions of alcohol, mentions of vomit, lemme know if I missed anything

summary — Y/n and Jeongin have always liked each other since their first year at uni. It's so obvious it hurts to watch. After a crazy party together, embarrassing videos get revealed the next morning that finally breaks that barrier of friends.

11:30 pm

"Stop, what the fuck is that?" Your mouth hung open. "This has gotta be fake."

"It's very real to me," your friend blurted out, laughing. "You were crazy last night."

You grabbed her phone and replayed the video. The party lights were all over the place, making it tough to see, but there you were—Jeongin and you, eating each other's face. You vaguely remembered some flirty moments with him, but seeing it on video was a whole different story.

Since your freshman year at university, Jeongin had been your crush. You ended up in the same friend group and got pretty tight over the years. You wouldn't call it tension between you, but your connection was different from the rest of your friends. In big groups, you'd exchange glances and have these one-on-one conversations in the group chat which would often annoy your friends. It was kind of hard to explain.

Your friend group, about six of you, usually went to frat parties and nightclubs. And here's the thing—Jeongin and you were always the DDs. Not because you were pussies who didn't drink, but because you didn't trust anyone else to handle it. You learned the hard way that leaving the keys with someone else could turn into a disaster. One time, during your first year, someone else assured you that he was gonna be your sober driver, and things went into shit. He convinced you that he had his license when you would probably drive better than him while being drunk. In the end, you got stopped by the cops, and they quickly found out you had been underage drinking.

However, last night was different. One of your friends had some health thing going on, and he was on some prescribed medication for the next couple of weeks. You forgot the whole story, but the deal was, he couldn't touch alcohol or caffeine, or it would mess with the effect of the pills or something. This guy was older, always reliable, and he'd driven you around plenty of times. So, without a second thought, you put him in charge, trusting him to be the driver for the night, giving Jeongin and you the chance to finally kick back and have some fun.

The party got you completely wasted, and Jeongin was no different. So here you are, with a steaming bowl of hangover soup, leaning against your best friend's shoulder, and subjecting yourself to the videos from last night.

"Wait, look at this one," she snorted.

"Oh no, what is it?" You braced yourself.

You glanced at the screen and cringed as you witnessed Jeongin and you going at it in the back seat of a moving car. He pushed you away, scrambled to the front, rolled down the window to throw up, then nonchalantly rolled it back up and resumed making out with you. Your hand instinctively flew to your mouth as you fake gagged.

"My gosh. He shoved that tongue down my throat right after he puked? This is not funny anymore," you stood up, took your empty bowl to the sink, and returned to your friend on the couch.

"Oh, come on, Y/n. You're missing the point here." She said with a chuckle when you raised your eyebrow. "He sees you the same way. You two basically exposed your feelings to each other."

You rolled your eyes, not fully grasping the gravity of the situation. "Exposed? More like embarrassed ourselves. And plus, he was drunk!"

"Well he wasn't drunk enough to be clueless of who he was kissing." Your friend chuckled, shaking her head. "Look, maybe it's not the most romantic way to figure things out, but it's out in the open now. You both let your guards down last night, and honestly, it's kinda cute."

"Cute?" You scoffed, still cringing at the mental image of Jeongin and you in the back seat of a moving car.

"Yeah, cute. I mean, I think about it, he didn't stop after puking, did he? If anything, he came back for more," she teased.

You sighed, realizing there might be a silver lining in all the chaos. "I guess, but what if things get weird between us now?"

"Hey, if anything, it's a sign that there's something there. Maybe just talk to Jeongin about it, you know? Not under the influence of alcohol. And definitely not in our group chat where everyone can see it."

You scoffed and nodded, considering her words. "I guess."

"Text him now," she suggested, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"I don't know," you whined, your voice muffled as you stuffed your face into a pillow and flopped onto her lap.

She chuckled, patting your head. "Come on, Y/n. The longer you wait, the more awkward it'll get. Just shoot him a casual text, talk about last night."

You sighed, lifting your face from the pillow. "What if he doesn't remember everything, and I end up making it even more awkward?"

"Then at least you'll find out where he stands," she said, giving you a reassuring smile. "Trust me, it's better to know than to be stuck wondering."

With a reluctant nod, you reached for your phone, fingers hovering over the keyboard. After a contemplative moment, you began crafting a message: "Hey, Jeongin. There's some stuff we should talk about. How about grabbing coffee later?"

You glanced up at your friend for approval, hoping this struck the right balance between casual and intriguing. However, she shook her head, a playful smirk on her face. "Don't be so dry with him. It's like you're warning him of rejection!" You sighed, taking her advice to heart. "Just be you."

You looked at her, a bit confused, before slowly nodding and diving back into your phone. "Jeongin! Did Felix show you the videos from last night? I can't believe that happened. What are you up to today? Wanna meet up?"

You showed it to her again, and she took your phone, making a sly adjustment before sending it off without warning you.

"Hey!" You grabbed your phone back and looked at the screen.

She had changed "Wanna meet up?" to "I want to see you."

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help but grin. "Subtle, very subtle."

She winked. "Sometimes you've got to be a little direct. Let's see how he responds to that."

Minutes later, your phone buzzed with a new message from him.

"Hey, Y/n! Felix blew up my phone this morning. I'm free for lunch, want to go to the market?"

You couldn't help but laugh at his response. It seemed like your friend's subtle change hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Sure, that sounds good!" You quickly replied, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves about your impending conversation.

As you made plans to meet up, you couldn't shake the thought that maybe being a bit more direct wasn't such a bad thing.

Later that day, you found yourself strolling through a vibrant food market with Jeongin, the tantalizing aroma of various street foods filling the air. The atmosphere was relaxed, and the lively chatter of other market-goers provided a comforting backdrop to your conversation. It was a surreal moment, acknowledging the unspoken feelings that had lingered between you for so long. The chaotic events of the night seemed to have paved the way for a conversation you both needed.

Jeongin looked at you with a thoughtful expression. "You know I've always liked being with you."

You nodded, "Yea, there's been this thing going on between us for years."

He chuckled. "Maybe it just took a wild night and some embarrassing videos to finally bring it to the surface."

You turned your head towards him. "I'm glad it did. It feels right, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't change a thing." He gently bumped his shoulder against yours. "So, what now?"

You smiled, feeling a sense of newfound clarity. "I think we should see where this takes us."

He nodded in agreement and threw his arm over your shoulders, planting a kiss on your head.

"I can't believe you made me taste your vomit," you teased.

"You're lucky I didn't throw up in your mouth," he countered, a playful glint in his eyes.

You both burst into laughter, the shared humor easing any lingering awkwardness. As you meandered through the market, the playful banter continued, weaving a comfortable atmosphere between you. The crowded stalls, colorful displays, and enticing aromas provided the perfect backdrop for a moment of connection.

[pensat-i-fet]

An unexpected guest (Pablo Gavi x Reader)

**Little request made by a friend (love you, V ❤️). I hope you all enjoy it ☺️**

Word count: 2225

Masterlist

Wattpad

The Christmas season was over but not really. At least not for your family. You always travelled to the Alps for a couple of days of skiing, where you reunited with the side of your family that didn't live in Spain. It was always one of the highlights of your year.

One of your favourite things about this time was getting to cook with your auntie Abby. She was a chef and had been asking you to help her since you were a curious kid who just wanted to know how the weird looking ingredients on the table could turn into a dish that looked nothing like them.

So there you both were, in the kitchen ready to cook for a lot of people. More than usual, since there were three guests invited to tonight's dinner.

"Who's coming tonight, then?", you asked your aunt while you kept on kneading the pizza base to make sure it was perfect.

"I don't know. Some people your brother met".

But there was something about her tone that made you feel she did know. What would be the point of hiding it, though?

"This is done. Should I start mixing the ingredients for the cake?"

"Yes, darling. Please do that. Go to the pantry for more sugar if there isn't enough. I used a lot of it yesterday".

So you busied yourself with that while sharing more anecdotes with your aunt about your uni classmates. They were a funny bunch. 

Then your aunt took over to build the cake on the oven mould and told you to put the pizzas and the fish pies in the ovens.

"A cloth isn't enough. You'll burn your fingers again. Get that oven glove".

You hated using the oven glove because of how big and stiff it was but she was right. You had burnt yourself too many times.

"Done".

"Perfect. Go grab some more butter for me, please".

The pantry was almost on the other side of the house. How that made sense, you didn't know.

You needed to walk past the living room and there you noticed your brother was chatting with three guys. You could only see one of them, since the others had their back to you but you didn't know him. So you probably didn't know the others. Were they the guests?

Your brother was your twin and you shared some classes in uni but not all. And always tried to have different friend groups so it only made sense to guess those other boys belonged to his group. You just hoped they wouldn't be as douchey as some other friends he had introduced you to.

Dinner was almost ready and you had nothing else to do anymore. This was usually when you left and your aunt gave the finishing touches to all the dishes.

"Your uncle will help me serve this. Go enjoy the evening and…go meet our guests".

"Ok?"

It wasn't odd for uncle Mark to help but your auntie's tone when mentioning the guests was a bit odd…again.

"Hi. Dinner will be served soon. Time to work, Marky".

"On it!"

You smiled looking at your goofy uncle's reaction but then your smile turned into a shocked face when you saw who the guests were.

The boy you saw before was still there and next to him was another guy you didn't know either. But the third one…was that Gavi? The Barça footballer? It couldn't be. Why would he be there?

But then it made sense. Of course, your aunt knew he was there and that you were going to freak out because he was your favourite player.

"Hey, sis! Come here. I'll introduce you to my friends".

He was friends with Gavi and never told you? Time to murder a brother.

Your brother introduced you to Roger and Miguel first. And you swore those were the names of the two guys he mentioned a lot when talking about his uni friends.

"And this is Gavi, but you knew that already".

"Yeah", you said looking down, already embarrassed by your sibling.

"I feel honoured that she knows me", said Gavi and kept getting closer to you. "Do I not get two kisses?"

What? Oh right, two kisses on the cheek like you did with the others. 

But he didn't move and let you be the one who motioned as if to kiss his left cheek first and then the right. His not moving meant you had to move back when going from left to right, so your noses wouldn't collide. That would be even more embarrassing.

"Nice to meet you", you said.

"Nice to meet you".

After the introductions, everyone went back to watching TV. You sat next to your dad, who was a huge Barça fan and gave you the perfect excuse to just stare at Gavi. If dad did the same, it didn't look so bad. 

Everyone was trying to make conversation with the football star they didn't expect to show up at their dinner. And whenever Gavi turned to look at whoever was speaking to him and his eyes locked with yours, you tried to signal to him that the seat next to yours on the sofa was empty. But either he didn't get it or didn't care. 

"Dinner is almost here", said your uncle while going into the big dining room, carrying plates and glasses.

"I'll be right back", you said to no one in particular.

"Where are you going?", asked your dad.

"It's too hot. I'll change into something more comfortable".

When you got to the room, you took off the thick jumper you had had on all day and put on a long-sleeved blouse. Looking in the mirror, you noticed your hair was a bit of a mess from being in a messy bun while cooking. So you brushed it quickly and let it down. 

The moment you closed the door to your room, the door to the bathroom that was next to it opened. 

"Hey", said Gavi.

"Hi. We should go eat before it gets cold".

"Wait".

"Do you need anything?"

"No. I just wanted to let you know your hair looks really good like that".

"Oh", you said, touching the ends of it without realising. "Thanks".

"So…you like football?"

"I don't know if like is the right word. People call it an obsession".

That made him laugh. "It’s the same for me. And do you get to go to the matches?"

"Yes, the entire family has season tickets".

"Huh. Well that's annoying".

You going to the matches was annoying? "Why?"

"I was planning on giving you some tickets to impress you but now I'll have to think of something else".

"Why would you want to impress…".

Your question was interrupted by him getting close, too close, to you. "Sit next to me at dinner. Please".

You could only nod. And then you both went back to join everyone for dinner.

                                      **

Dinner was as great as always. And even with some new people there you were all still getting used to, the mood didn't suffer at all. 

"So, should we call you Gavi or Pablo? It's a bit confusing", asked your mum, who had been staring at all your interactions with Gavi ever since you sat next to each other.

"I'll answer to both, so whichever is your favourite".

Did that apply to you too? But you didn't have to wonder for too long, since he leaned slightly towards you to whisper. "Call me Pablo, please".

You nodded, lifting your head to look at him. Then you went back to finish the last bites of food on your plate and put your hands on your legs, so you could lean back a bit and rest. It had been a long day.

Gavi finished his dinner just a couple of minutes after you did and while he kept his left arm on the table, he moved the right so he could find one of your hands and hold it.

You didn't really know how to react but also knew your body already had on your behalf. How red was your face exactly? The tomatoes on the table probably looked pale next to you.

"I'll go grab the cakes!!", sang auntie Abby, rising from her seat now that everyone was done eating.

"Tell them you don't want dessert, please", told you Gavi, whispering again so no one would hear him.

"Why?"

"So I can take you somewhere else to have some".

Between his offer and the way his thumb was caressing your wrist, you didn't even know how to form words. So you just nodded. And his answer was also nonverbal. He just smiled and squeezed your hand.

You two really thought whispers and hands under the tablecloth were fooling everyone around you. But they could all see what was happening and were highly entertained by it.

                                          **

Before you left to go find a place to eat, you went back to your room to change again. It was freezing cold outside, so you changed the blouse for a hoodie and put some boots on and a little beanie to warm up your head.

"Where are you going?", asked your cousin when she got inside the room.

"Out for a little walk".

"Now? It's really dark outside. I'm not sure it's safe".

She was so cute worrying about you. "I won't be going out alone. See you later!"

You loved your cousin but she was bound to ask too many questions and you were too nervous already.

When you got out, you found Gavi waiting for you. He was also wearing a beanie and he looked adorable. 

"Ready?"

"Ready".

You took the hand he offered and started to walk towards the area where all the restaurants were.

"Anything you fancy eating?"

"Something warm", you laughed, pretending to shiver.

"Are you cold?"

"No, it's fine. I'm well protected by all these clothes. But my face is half frozen, probably".

Gavi stopped and made you turn to look at him. He let go of your hand but only to lift both hands to your face.

"I can't tell if it's cold because of the gloves".

Funny, you didn't feel cold at all anymore.

"But there are ways to check".

After saying that, he kept leaning down until his lips brushed yours. He looked up to see your reaction. To see if you were going to run away or not.

"Cold?", you asked, not knowing what else to say.

"A bit. Do you want me to fix it?"

And when you nodded, he continued what he had started, also encouraged by how your hands went beneath his coat so you could hold onto his waist. 

After a couple of minutes, you finally separated and stared at each other with silly grins on your faces.

"Let's go find some food".

Warm waffles sounded like the best plan for both of you, so that's where you went. You didn't know how you could still be so hungry after the feast you had had for dinner, but as always, you devoured your waffle quickly.

"Sorry. I really like waffles".

"Don't be", he said, laughing. 

"Where are the napkins? I probably have chocolate syrup all over my face. I swear I'm not always this messy".

"You got a bit over here", he said, pointing at the side of his mouth.

"I might have some tissues in my bag…".

"No need for them", he said, stopping you from grabbing the bag and moving you closer to him.

He kissed one side of your mouth softly, before moving to the other. And it was you who grabbed the back of his head this time to kiss him properly. He could save his teasing for another time.

A cough from a man sitting on the table next to yours made you stop. And while you tried to hide your blush, Gavi just laughed.

"Just so you know, there was no need for napkins but I couldn't waste that opportunity to steal another kiss".

You shook your head, smiling. He could steal as many as he wanted.

                                    **

The way back to the house was slow. Very slow. Because you two couldn't stop talking and stopping to kiss again. It really was the best way to fight the minus degrees temperature.

But sadly, you eventually made it to your family's house.

"They invited us to stay the night here".

"That's nice. Do you want to be a gentleman and walk me to my room?"

"Lead the way".

You reached your room and turned to see if anyone was around. But it was quite late so they were all probably sleeping.

"Do I have to go to the guest room? You're better company than my friends".

That made you laugh. "I'm sharing the room with my cousin so yes, you do".

"A shame".

Still, you didn't separate because even though you were incredibly tired, kissing him was a lot better than sleeping.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Tell me I can see you again when you're back in Barcelona".

"You aren't getting rid of me so easily, Pablito".

"Good. Maybe we can have breakfast together tomorrow before I leave too?"

"It's a date".

A couple of kisses later, you finally got inside your room with a huge grin on your face.

"Tell me everything, little cousin".

[thatfreshi]

Radio Silent (Uni AU P. 10)

tw - mentions of abuse, themes of anxiety, general insecurity

The night fizzles out the way you expect it to, disappearing without a word to your friends in the diner, letting your new, yet reluctant friend, drive you home. You'd simply deal with Shadowheart when she got back to the dorm.

Just as Astarion said, he's gone the next morning, but the two of you text quite often. He finds it easier to talk to you through pixels on a screen, where he can pretend like you're not this very real person who knows far too much about him. On the plane ride to LA, he doesn't sleep, which isn't odd for him. Instead, he thinks about the past couple of days and how you've wriggled your way into his life, into his head. Instead of trying to put his feelings into tangible sentences, he makes a playlist while waiting the hours away and catches up on some much-needed reading.

Thursday comes around, and the group is pissed at him, as you expected them to be.

"Damnit, he's the reason we picked my lunch break to do this during anyways! You think he'd at least stick to plans like a reasonable individual."

"Gale, it's not like he chose to go on a spur-of-the-moment trip to California. It's a work thing, not in his control."

You almost sound a little angry when the words come out, knowing that he's probably going through some hell that all your friends don't know about. Gale picks up on this sentiment, and leaves the conversation at that, mumbling something about how they'll all just update him on the project details later. Indeed, you all talk in the group chat with him about plans for the upcoming assignment, which he sporadically responds to. Although, he always responds to your texts, even if he ignores the group chat. Astarion argues with himself about it in his head, trying to reason with himself, saying things like 'it's just because the group chat is overwhelming.' For how good of a liar he is, he's not good at lying to himself.

Friday morning, he goes radio silent, which you're not concerned by at first. He's busy, probably busier than you've ever been in your life. Yet, he had made time to text you since Monday night. It starts to worry you when Saturday and Sunday both pass with nothing new. You hold yourself back from asking if everything's alright, knowing if something is stressing him out it's probably better to just let him deal with it and get back to you. And yet, you don't talk to him until he's back, and you're not even the first one to hear that he's back on campus.

"Oh yeah, I saw him in the elevator earlier. Tried being nice like you said, I even waved! You should be proud. Doesn't seem like he appreciated it though."

Shadow rolls her eyes, almost covered by her bangs that she desperately needs to trim. You're not sure exactly why, but you rush to his dorm room, knocking frantically. It's Monday night, which is surprising. You could've sworn he said he'd be back Tuesday morning, but maybe you misremembered. The door creaks open.

"Oh, hello Tav."

Astarion's eyes are weary, which you chalk up to not being able to sleep on the plane.

"Hello? You haven't texted me since Thursday, what the hell? I thought you like died or something."

"Nope, not dead, very much alive. Got wrapped up in some work affairs over the weekend, fashion people can be quite dramatic. Either way, I apologize. I'm still quite new to the 'having a genuine friend' thing."

"Well, how's your arm?"

He scoffs.

"It's... it's fine. Weird to have someone ask."

At this point, he's opened the door and let you in. You're welcomed to a sight of half un-packed luggage and a stack of leather binded books on the coffee table.

"Holy shit Astarion, did you rob a bookstore while you were in California?"

"Nope, all from the library. Missing out on a week of school when you're a senior here comes with its disadvantages. For example, I have had no time to work on my thesis essay, and I've barely even unpacked from the trip itself. Although, I did snag this."

He takes out a garment bag that has been carefully finessed to fit in his suitcase without wrinkling whatever is hidden inside. His fingers nimbly move to unzip the bag, revealing a white faux fur coat.

"Now, do I wear too much white? Absolutely, but passing up on this? I could never."

You almost feel bad, not knowing anything about clothes or what makes them cool, but to your credit, you know it's a nice coat. He slips it on, happy with his latest thievery.

"Well, what do you think? Is it stunning, or is it stunning?"

In that moment, while you're about to make some quip like 'go look for yourself, you realize he has no mirrors in the dorm, not even in the bathroom that you've only ever caught a glance of.

"I would say look for yourself, but you don't have any mirrors. That's shocking."

"Well, I had the one in the bathroom removed. Guess I'm just not particularly a fan of reflections."

"How come?"

He stares at a detail on the sleeve of the coat.

"You get tired of seeing your face after a while."

"Well, I think it looks fabulous, and so do you."

"Wish I felt just as fabulous."

He lets out a small laugh, shrugging his way out of the blinding fabric. There's something left unsaid in the air, you can feel it as he goes to hang up his new treasure.

"What really happened this weekend?"

Astarion tenses, almost dropping the hanger he so delicately placed the jacket on.

"I... I'd rather not say. I know I told you a lot the other night, but there are truly some things best left as skeletons in the closet. Maybe in time, but not today. I can't today."

"That's okay. I was just worried, that's all."

"Funny, I'm so used to people prying all the time. It's pleasant, getting to have secrets when I talk to you."

He comes back out into the living room.

"Would you like to stay for a while? You don't have to help unpack or anything, just be here."

"Sure, as long as you don't mind. And I would gladly help you unpack. Besides, you have a master thesis to get back to."

"I suppose I do. Thanks, I won't forget this."

"What, like you need to trade some favor back or something? Because that's not necessary."

"You're too nice for your own good."

The pale man puts some soft R&B on, and the two of you go ahead and start putting all his things away. Although, he doesn't let you handle any of his nice clothes. You learn that the hard way when he bats your hand away from a pair of very expensive jeans.

"They're just jeans, I promise I won't taint them!"

"Yes, they are just jeans, but they're also 800-dollar jeans, and I am not risking it."

You continue to ask him about various articles of clothing, what shoots he took them from. He remembers every single one. Although, he does skip out on some details, brushing past parts of his tales without a second thought. You don't mind though, knowing it's probably just things he isn't ready to talk about. At some point you become distracted by the stack of books on the nearby table, and start looking at all the titles. They're all related to ethics, morality, or philosophy in some way, but particularly focused on the psychology of abusers and the abused.

"I thought you weren't a philosophy person?"

Astarion's voice almost makes you jump, taking you out of reading the back of one of the books.

"Is this what you're doing your thesis on?"

"I mean I'd like to, but I'm still not sure. Feel as though the head of the department will be surprised when I present it to him."

"How come?"

"Because I've always made my projects, lifeless, I guess. I've always written and studied by the book, never touched on emotional topics. Just don't want people asking questions."

"So, what specifically are you going to look into?"

"The philosophy of abusers, how power imbalances change our moral codes, that kind of thing."

You lightly place the book back in the stack.

"I think you should do it. If anyone asks, just say you were curious about it."

"That's true, I am known to be quite curious. Now, are you going to help me with the rest of this, or have you given up?"

The night passes by too fast for his liking, as the two of you talk while he prepares for the week ahead. It's past midnight when you finally check your phone, seeing that you've received a couple of cheeky messages about your absence from Shadow.

"Is it late already?"

Astarion checks him phone as well.

"Perhaps it's time for you to go get some sleep darling. After all, not everyone is as extreme of an insomniac as I am."

"Yeah, I guess I should probably get back. Happy you're back though, and that you're okay."

Without really thinking about it, you go for a side hug, and make your way to the door.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Sure. See you tomorrow Tav."

And his smile is warmer than normal, knowing there's something to look forward to after a torturous night of barely any sleep. Maybe opening up to a single soul isn't so bad after all.

[youremyheaven]

I don't know if you remember but a while ago I sent an ask talking about how as a ketuvian I've always felt rejected and that's why I close myself off to people ? Anyway that's was a whileee ago.

But now that I'm in university, I just feel so alone, I've always had friends right but I never ever had a close friend, a confident you know ? And now I just feel like seeing everybody spend time with their group of friends I feel like I missing out.

When I try to make friends at my uni they are never what I expect and it never goes far, ( I fear that I appear as clingy) I just never meet anybody that fits me also I am in my rahu/Venus antardasha so I just feel so obsessed with establishing socials connections which feels very weird for me as a ketuvian and I just feel lost like I want to get this idea out of my head however I can't and everytime I get a friend they just start at one point expressing animosity towards me like 😐 why you're jealous I tought we were twinning?? I just feel so lost and exploited like I try to give out love but it is never matched so I was wondering if you would like to give a piece of advice or some insight on how should I stop the FOMO ? 👉👈��

I'm so glad you're back 💓

sorry babe i havent checked my asks in a few months so i must have missed it 💀💀

honestly babe, not everybody has genuine, healthy, meaningful friendships. i say this as someone who knows a lot of people and hangs out with a lot of people. all the people with these vast friend groups and besties they hang out with every day lowkey have all kinds of issues with them and THATS OKAY. we seldom get a realistic perspective on it.

most friendships are complicated if not superficial. the secret to healthy friendships are keeping boundaries.

OBVIOUSLY now there are genuinely good people in this world and good friendships can be formed with them but its all about timing. ive gone yearrrs of my life without having close friends :(((

now i want you to write down what exactly you're looking for in a friend:

is it someone to confide in? someone to have deep chats with? someone who will give you emotional support??

is it someone to hang out and do fun stuff with??

is it a combination of the two??

ideally, it should be possible to have a combo of the two but FRANKLY speaking, in this economy, you can have chill friends you hangout with occasionally (you dont talk to them everyday, you dont really have personal convos etc etc) or you can have a few friends who you can get super personal with

now considering how you've just started uni, your emotional needs are going to be very different from that of a woman in her mid 20s (aka me) for me, i dont really need to share much ?? with anyone?? but i do have people in my life that i can talk to if i need to?? but mostly we all just do our job and then chill and thats just adulthood

university is a whole different ballgame and i understand how isolating it can be without friends :(( 🥺🥺

but honestly its better to be alone than it is to be surrounded by fake asf friends 💀💀so dont worry about that

my university years were horrible because of toxic friendships. i felt alone through most of it and im sooo glad its over. i wish i had a fun uni experience to speak of but :// it is what it is and since it was covid era, not many people my age have a fun uni exp to speak of either so i didnt feel like im missing out on much

ANYWAAYYYS thats enough about me

about FOMO,

its just a part of life. we're all going to feel left out/excluded/left behind etc etc but tbh its not really fun if you aren't there experiencing it yourself. idk if that makes sense??? but like suppose you went to that party that you see all over your friends IG stories, once you're there you'll realise its nothing much, its just some drinks, disco lights, awkward people, pretentious wannabes and ppl with zero personality trying to impress each other. nothing is ever as fun as you see on instagram. so you're not really missing out on much. also company matters a great deal, if you go to fun places with lame asf/ boring/rude/ vibe unmatched people then youll ruin a good thing for yourself!!!

ive been asked to go to goa (its like the ibiza of india for the non desis) with like 3 different friend groups and ive declined them all bc while it sounds fun in theory (dropping acid at a rave) i dont think ill enjoy myself as much bc idrc about those ppl

life is only fun if we MAKE it fun. whenever you feel left out, just remind yourself "i probably wouldnt have enjoyed it any way" ORRRR "i wasnt there so it couldnt have been that much fun" (if youre delulu like me)

another major factor behind fomo is self comparison

i dont open IG, i dont see those stories. idgaf what other ppl are upto. if youre going to see coldplay, good for you. if you're going to iceland. good for you. IDC. i stay in my lane. i focus on myself. i get my shit done and try to check off my boxes.

let them have fun now. your turn WILL COME. and it will be amazinggg <333

just think of this as an era where you're sowing the seeds. learn to enjoy your own company. do things alone. get new hobbies. go on dates.

and there will come a different era which i call HARVEST SZN 😎😎😎where you can harvest the seeds you have sown now and have a blast

nothing is forever in life. spring follows winter. thats the rule of nature. so honestly just keep going.

dont be afraid of missing out because youre not missing out on anything that you would actually enjoy. bc the things that are actually for you, you can never miss out on??? if that makes sense???

idk if this helps 😭😭😭

but youre so smol and so precious. pls take care!!! dont fall into bad habits and dont waste these years by holding yourself back. do everything u want to do!!! and honestly try to get some kind of job. that will also keep u engaged and not leave u with any time to think <333 (welcome to capitalism, u cant have fomo if youre too tired to think 😍)

love,

heaven

[rosie-rosem]

Hey, hope you’re doing well! can i request a Jake fic where reader gets a call from Jake while she’s at uni telling her to pick him up because he’s feeling sick (maybe he has food poisoning or something) and she drops everything to be there for him and take care of him for the rest of the day? 🥲🥰

here for you

❥ pairing: boyfriend!jake x girlfriend!fem!reader

❥ genre: sick partner, fluff, comfort

❥ summary: you've been super busy with your university finals, but when jake calls you and tells you he needs your help, you don't hesitate to drop everything for him.

❥ warnings: mention of food poisoning, sickness, grammar mistakes, let me know if i've missed something.

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WC: 900

A/N: hii, yeah, I'm doing good, thanks! I love getting requests, and I really hope this is what you wanted! I would love feedback :)

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You were engrossed in your university lecture, scribbling down notes as your professor passionately talked about the book the class was reading. Your phone, tucked away in your bag, vibrated softly, but you paid it no mind. It was just another notification, probably from a group chat or a social media update. Little did you know that simple vibration would change the course of your day.

As the lecture came to an end and students shuffled out of the classroom, you finally glanced at your phone. You saw several missed calls and messages from Jake, your boyfriend. Frowning in concern, you dialed his number immediately.

"Hey, what's going on?" you asked, your heart skipping a beat at the tone of his voice.

"Hey, love," Jake's voice sounded weak and strained. "I'm not feeling well. I think I might have food poisoning or something. Could you come pick me up? I don't think I can make it back home alone."

Your worry escalated. You had seen Jake through thick and thin, and this was no different. "Of course, I'll be there right away. Where are you?"

Jake provided you with the address, and you didn't waste any time. You packed up your belongings in a hurry, briefly explaining the situation to your friends before dashing out of the lecture hall. Your heart raced as you hailed a taxi and directed the driver to Jake's location.

When you arrived, you found Jake sitting on a bench outside a convenience store, looking pale and miserable. His normally vibrant aura looked everything but it, and his skin was slightly clammy. Your heart ached at the sight.

"Hey there," you whispered softly, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle hug.

"Hey," Jake managed a weak smile. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course, silly, I'm always here for you," you replied, concern lacing your voice. "Let's get you home."

With your arm around his waist, you guided Jake to the waiting taxi and settled him inside. You gave the driver your address and then focused your attention on Jake.

As the taxi pulled away from the convenience store, you took Jake's hand in yours, your thumb rubbing soothing circles over his knuckles. "How are you feeling?"

Jake sighed, leaning his head back against the seat. "Honestly, not great. My stomach's in knots, and I feel nauseous. I think it's food poisoning or something, but it feels like a flu."

Your heart went out to him. You couldn't stand seeing him in pain. "We'll get you home, and I'll take care of you, okay?"

Jake managed a small nod, his eyes closing momentarily. You continued to hold his hand, your mind racing with concern and thoughts of what you could do to help him feel better.

When you arrived at your shared apartment, you paid the driver and helped Jake out of the taxi. You guided him up the stairs, supporting his weight as you reached your room. You eased him onto the bed, tucking him under the covers.

"Stay here, babe. I'll be right back with some water and a few essentials," you said, your voice soothing.

You quickly gathered a glass of water, a damp washcloth, and some crackers before returning to Jake's side. You placed the items on his nightstand and sat down beside him, concern etched across your features.

"Here, drink some water," you said, holding the glass to Jake's lips. He sipped slowly; his grateful gaze fixed on you.

"Thank you," he whispered.

You dipped the washcloth in cool water and gently pressed it to his forehead. "How about I get you some crackers to snack on? It might help settle your stomach."

Jake nodded weakly, and you carefully tore open a pack of crackers. You handed him a few, watching as he took hesitant bites.

Over the next few hours, you remained by Jake's side, tending to his needs and offering comfort. As he leaned over the toilet, you gently rubbed his back as he threw up. You whispered soothing words, promising that everything would be alright.

As the day wore on, your care and attention began to take effect. Jake's color returned, and he started to regain some of his energy. You had managed to make some plain rice for him, and you shared a quiet meal together.

"Thank you, love," Jake said, his voice still weak but filled with gratitude. "I don't know what I would have done without you today."

You smiled softly, reaching out to take his hand. "That's what partners are for, Jake. I'm here to take care of you, no matter what."

As evening approached, Jake's condition had improved enough for him to sit up and engage in a bit of light conversation. You shared stories of your day at university, trying to distract him from his discomfort.

Eventually, fatigue began to set in, and his eyelids grew heavy. You helped him settle back into bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders.

"Rest up, Jake. I'll be right here if you need anything," you said, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead.

His hand found yours, his grip gentle yet reassuring. "I love you, Y/N."

Your heart swelled with warmth. "I love you too, Jake. Now get some rest, and we'll tackle whatever comes our way together."

With a final smile, you stayed by Jake's side, your presence comforting, as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. In that moment, your love and devotion were stronger than ever, proving that even in the midst of challenges, you would always be there for each other.

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© rosie-rosem

[gluion]

[part two] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

you and changmin have been best friends since high school, having seen each other at their best and worst. now in your second year of university, you are given the opportunity to work with the unattainable 5th-year you have had a crush on since—jacob bae. with your best friend on the receiving end of your rambles, you could only hope for something to come out of your time working with jacob. that is until changmin decides he wants something more out of his relationship with you.

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), mentions of suggestive dreams, a lot of publication talk (sorry i am a writer), sunwoo is a STILL a shithead, a lot of sentimental talks between changmin and reader, so much platonic love in general!!, feelings are so weird, a lot of flashbacks, going back home for the winter break </3, too domestic (not for the faint of heart), if denial is a river in egypt then reader is SWIMMING in it, i'm afraid to say that reader is stupid (and can changmin just not hear?)

word count ➵ 27.7k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @sungbeam @miusgirl @jenoscafe

a/n ➵ expect some crazy realizations to happen! anyway, it took me three weeks to deliver this?? crazy!! i expected to only post two parts but i don't think tumblr can handle 45k words in one post </3 along with that, i wanted to get this out before i officially enter my 3rd year in uni!!! please expect for the third part to be delivered a little later since i need to prioritize my academics and newspaper work (and possibly another oneshot involving a kim sunwoo... oops?) hope you enjoy the CRAZY slow burn my lovelies. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this post and the other parts!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

Since Changmin had dreamt about you, he found himself unable to talk to you. Everything reminded him of you; the songs he would listen to on the way to school which you introduced him to; the cafe he would spend his free time in where you two usually studied; even phrases he would hear people say that you tend to frequent when speaking. It did not help that you were somewhat blowing up the group chat more than usual.

With all these reminders of you, Changmin always found his mind drifting back to the view of you in his dream. He has never seen you as a potential crush—let alone found you attractive. After all, he knew you when you first wore boxy glasses and cringe graphic tees (to which you donated).

You were never someone he desired. And yet, when you straddled him and said his name as if it were laced with nectar, you never left his mind. The imaginary tension between you two made him weak to the knees. And just from the fictional distance of your face from his, he could feel his breath hitch at the scenario constantly playing out in his head. That dream only pushed him to face thoughts he was not willing to entertain.

Over the days, you two have not been able to hang out. While he was trying to find ways to avoid you, you understood it as him being busy with his other obligations. That is until you spot him on campus.

Done with his last class for the day, Changmin exits the building with his eyes locked on the bus stop—his one ticket back home. He only cared to be snuggled into his sheets that were newly washed and fall into the shackles of a nap. That is until he hears someone call out his name.

As he looks for the source, his eyes land on you who is seated on one of the picnic tables with your laptop out. The moment you shoot him a smile, flashes of his dream play out; the way his name rolls off your tongue; the sensation of your breath that hovers over his lips; the legs that caged him in place. And suddenly, all he could do was point his thumb in the direction of the athletics center before he bolted. He could only hope that you do not cross paths with anyone from the dance team.

Clearly bummed out about not being able to spend some time with your best friend before your night class, you let out a sigh. You understood that he had a dance practice to worry about. With the way he seemed frazzled, it made sense that he was rushing to meet his team on time. That is until you are surprised by Sunwoo’s appearance at your table an hour later.

“Yo!” He greets you before taking a seat across from you, a bottle of green juice in his hands. “What are you up to?”

With a frown on your face, you ask, “Don’t you guys have practice?”

You are greeted by your best friend’s confused face before he brings out his phone. “I do?” He asks himself as he scrolls through it.

“Yeah, I saw Changmin like an hour ago and he seemed like he was rushing to the athletics center,” you sigh as you fix the document’s format that had your notes for the next class. “Unless I understood him wrong. I don’t even know, he kind of pointed somewhere and disappeared.”

Sunwoo hums as he types away on his phone. As he scratches the back of his head, you notice his expression shift into an all-knowing one. “Oh, it’s just for him and some other members. I think they’re just practicing a certain segment,” he shares before stowing his phone away.

“Anyway, I just remembered I have some work to catch up on so I’ll see you tomorrow or whenever!” And the next thing you know, your best friend left as quickly as he came. You stare at Sunwoo’s figure which continued to get smaller before he was out of sight. Before you could think much of his odd behavior, you were hit with the reality that you needed to attend class.

“Okay, you need to fess up on why you’re avoiding Y/N,” Sunwoo says as he enters Changmin’s room with a small yawn following.

Currently, Changmin is rolled up in his sheets as he scrolls through YouTube shorts on his phone. The sudden appearance of his best friend only made him frown. He did not expect to have Sunwoo pester him today, but he remembers the conversation he had with him through text not too long ago. 

zzoguri 🦝: are u at the dance studio? zzoguri 🦝: did coach change the plans? i thought today was our break qramzi 🐿️: yea there’s no practice zzoguri 🦝: okay so why did y/n just say you went to practice? qramzi 🐿️: i don’t want to talk about it zzoguri 🦝: spill or i tell them qramzi 🐿️: yah! can’t i have my own secrets? zzoguri 🦝: you can have secrets but i don’t know why you’re lying to y/n qramzi 🐿️: ugh fine qramzi 🐿️: i’ll tell you when i see you

“Sunwoo, couldn’t this wait until tomorrow?” Changmin groans before shooting his friend a glare. Sunwoo plops on his bed while he still wears his outside clothes, making him even more furious. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! I just washed these sheets.”

He only shrugs and says, “Okay, that doesn’t matter. Now, tell me!” Changmin sighs over his best friend’s persistence.

Fully aware that Sunwoo was not planning to leave any time soon, he found himself pausing the shorts. He sat up and bit the inside of the cheek.

Out of all the people he had to talk to about this dilemma with you, he did not feel comfortable revealing it to Sunwoo—the one person who knew you inside and out. Who could blame him? Having to talk about his dream about you to your best friend since grade school put him in a spot where he was seriously debating on which situation is better: this or being eaten whole by a shark?

That is until Chanhee walks into the room with his eyes on his phone. “Changmin-ah, there’s this–oh, Sunwoo! You’re here.” His eyebrows shoot up at the sight. “Did I interrupt something?”

His appearance is only to be taken as a gift from the universe. With a victorious smile playing on Changmin’s lips, he shrugs before saying, “No, I was just telling Sunwoo that I’d see him tomorrow.”

But the man was not going to make this easy for him. “He’s avoiding Y/N.” As soon as those words leave his best friend’s (read: traitor for life’s) mouth, Chanhee gasps as he stares Changmin down.

“What?! Why?!” He says as he takes a seat on the bed. Sunwoo shrugs and points at the guy who was constantly dodging their questions.

Now under the scrutiny of his two best friends, Changmin had no choice but to answer. His hands seemed bound even if no visible ropes were holding them down. He scratches the back of his neck and says, “Just, don’t judge me. And don’t tell Y/N.” The two only give him a look as if he stated the obvious.

Changmin knew he could trust these two with any secret and trouble he faced. In the times he desperately needed to talk about stuff that should never concern you, he always found himself talking to them. However, them seeing his reluctance had them worried about what might have gone down between you and him.

“It’s just… this dream; it felt so real for a second,” he starts as he plays with the loose ends of his blanket.

And not even a second passes when Chanhee exclaims the words, “Oh my god, did you have a sex dream about Y/N?!” He eyes him up and down.

“W-what? No!”

“Oh, I see why you’ve been avoiding them,” Sunwoo chuckles, ignoring his best friend’s protests.

He grows frustrated as the two continue to jump into assumptions. “No, that’s not it! Won’t you let me finish?!” As soon as the two pipe down, he lets out a sigh.

“Nothing happened like that. We just… almost kissed,” he whispers those last words. This icky feeling he can only think of as shame starts to take over his limbs. But when hears a laugh leave Chanhee’s mouth, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Almost?” Chanhee smacks Changmin’s arm. “Then why are you so tense? If nothing happened, then it shouldn’t be something to worry about.”

Sunwoo shakes his head before sharing his two cents. Clearly, he wanted to play the shithead in a situation like this (like he always does).“No way, I’m starting to think Changmin is developing a crush on Y/N.” He gives the stressed-out boy a teasing smile. “Aren’t you?”

“W-what?! No! I’m not, what the fuck?”

From his panicked answer, Chanhee shakes his head with a small smile on his face. “See, then it means nothing,” He attempts to calm the situation down as he stands up from the bed. “It’s normal to just have dreams like that. It won’t mean much unless you put meaning into it.”

His best friend is right; it is normal to have nonsensical dreams. Changmin has had dreams about outrageous events such as Gana (his pet poodle) learning how to talk, his sisters deciding to move back into the family home, and even coming face-to-face with his celebrity crush. These dreams are not always manifestations of what he desires—which is why he does not understand why he is still riled up about some dream where you two almost kissed.

“You know, Chanhee is right. I like to tease and all but it is normal,” Sunwoo starts off. “But you shouldn’t be avoiding Y/N because of it. It’s not fair to them, you know?”

All Changmin could do was hum as he looked down at his hands. Once again, his best friend is right; there should be no reason for him to avoid you when you did nothing wrong.

“I know. It all just felt weird, and I think I needed to find some time to get over it.” As he admits that to his friends, he is only met with their smiles.

“You’ll be fine,” Chanhee reassures him before ruffling his hair. “Just remember that it’s just Y/N. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

It is easier said than done for Changmin to go back to his usual antics with you. No matter how many times Chanhee tried to reassure him, it felt like something was holding him back—the idea of you reading right through him. It is not like you know all his thoughts. But if he stood before you, he felt like he would be at your mercy—letting you know all of his desires without any chance to rethink his actions. That is why when you approach him and Sunwoo during lunch, he is thrown off guard.

It is not like he was not expecting you to see him. After all, the spot they were staying in is in a corner on campus where the friend group would spend breaks together. It is an old picnic table whose wood was covered in old graffiti and smudges. Changmin was sure that this table was the last old one on campus for its wood is discolored as sand. Placed in a secluded area on campus behind the athletics center but still close to the publication room, it became the perfect spot for your friend group.

Sunwoo looks up at you in the middle of slurping his ramyeon noodles as you set your hands down on the table. Unlike your usual collected look and happy-go-lucky nature, the two noticed your disheveled appearance; eyebags are unseemly heavier than usual; shoulders slouched from how fatigued you have been.

“Are you okay?” Sunwoo decides to ask as soon as you take a seat in front of the two. You only let out a groan before your head rests on crossed arms. Without having to hear a verbal answer from you, your two best friends shared a look of worry.

Changmin has to swallow his shame; he needs to know what is going on with you. He could not let a dream hold him back from checking up on you, especially at a time when you needed him the most.

So his hand reached out for your arm, rubbing it ever so slowly. “Hey, what’s up?”

As you let yourself look up at your two friends whose faces were full of concern, you let out a sigh. “I’m just stressed out. You know, it’s November already so I’ve got some heavier projects to accomplish.”

“And I’m assuming the pub work is added stress,” Sunwoo chimes in before taking another slurp of noodles.

You nod and say, “Yeah. Right now, Jacob’s schedule is entirely different from mine so we’ve been working separately for the most part.” As soon as your chin rests back on your crossed arms, you let out another sigh and stare off into nowhere. “I miss him,” you shyly admit to the two.

It was to be expected for you to miss Jacob. During your first coverage together, he helped in alleviating the stress that came with it. From his smiles and encouragement to his exquisite way with words, he made every minute feel like a breeze in summer. But surprisingly enough, you felt like you could breathe without him around.

Sunwoo rolls his eyes at your reveal. “Aish! Of course, you do.” With your eyes preoccupied with whatever caught your attention, he looks at Changmin and gives him a subtle smirk. All your best friend could do is stop comforting you to smack the other.

Interrupted by Sunwoo’s whine, you look back at the two and frown at the sight of him grabbing onto his arm while Changmin continues to eat his bibimbap. Before you could ask, Sunwoo looked at his phone.

“Ah, that’s the time already?!” He quickly gets out of his seat and shoves his phone into his pocket before grabbing his empty bowl of ramyeon. “I’m going to be late for my class!”

“What class?”

“3D Character Animation,” he answers Changmin with a groan following. As soon as he notices his best friend who only has a look of desperation plastered on his face, he could only hold back his giggle. “I’ll see you two!”

And with that, Changmin is left alone with you—the one who has occupied his mind since that night. The realization of him spending time with you for the first time since that dream came to him was starting to sink in. With no moment to swallow his shame, he let his eyes trail down to his bowl of beef, rice, and stir-fried vegetables.

“So, how about you?” Once you ask the question, all he does is shrug before taking a big bite of his food.

It is not unusual for your best friend to not be in the mood to talk, but you noticed something was off about his behavior. Since that one day he rushed to the athletics center, you could not shake off this odd gut feeling—it felt like something was eating you up inside. Yet, you could not pinpoint the reason behind it.

You have always felt confident in your friendship with Changmin. There has not been a grave instance where he seemingly threatened it. No matter how many times you quarreled over small details throughout your friendship, you two knew to trust each other wholeheartedly. But as soon as you bumped into Juyeon that same day, your anxieties turned into something real.

As soon as your night class was dismissed, you quickly made your way out of the classroom. The talk about inverted pyramids and ledes in your journalism class only made your head hurt. All you could think about is your sweet home that had the soft bed you wish to pass out on. The headphones you wore blasted the sweet melodies of “1 to 10” by DAY6—your pick-me-up song on days like these. Clearly drained from the day, you were hoping no one would bother you on your way to the parking lot.

That is until your eyes land on a boy who you have grown familiar with from short interactions on campus and at parties. “Oh, Juyeon!” You call out as you move your headphones to hang around your neck.

The boy who you were going to cross paths with looks in your direction. As soon as his cat-like eyes recognize you, he gives you a smile and jogs towards you. “Hi, Y/N. I didn’t expect to see you around here.”

“I usually park by the athletics center.”

Juyeon nods as he lets out a hum. “Did you just come from class?” After you nod, you decide to ask him the same question. “I just came from the dance studio. You know, practicing for the competition coming up.”

“Oh, were you with Changmin?”

That is when you are met with an answer you were not expecting. “Actually, there was no practice today. Coach let us have a bit of time to rest but I wanted to practice.”

When Juyeon reveals that, you cannot help but feel the anxiety start to pool in your stomach. To be fair, you might have misunderstood him when he rushed out. Changmin did not owe you anything, but you still cannot stop the ill feeling brewing inside you.

“Oh, I see,” you force a grin as you say those words. “Good luck, by the way! Rooting for you and the rest of the team.”

Juyeon gives you a smile with eyes squinted. “Thank you! I hope to see you in the crowd.” With that, you parted ways. You do not allow yourself to cry.

Ever since that day, you have not seen Changmin. In those weeks, you allowed your mind to come into every possible assumption—what if he is getting annoyed with you? What if he is struggling with his own problems? What if he just wants to be alone?

You wanted to respect him and his space, but the more this behavior kept on going, the more you allowed yourself to be ripped up by the speculations your anxiety-ridden mind has crafted. It did not help that you figured out that Sunwoo was covering for him on that day—the one guy you so desperately wanted to seek comfort in. And who is to say that Chanhee would not cover for his best friend as well?

Now with no one to go to, you allowed yourself to dwell on ideas surrounding Changmin’s avoidance. But you knew you had to swallow your pride.

“Ji Changmin.” As you call out his name in a tone he rarely hears, he looks up at you. It is rare for him to hear you say his full name like that—almost as if his mother is about to scold him. But he knew that this is not a case of standing guilty before his mother; it is a case of you calling attention to the elephant in the room.

“Let’s talk,” you say those words easily despite the crushing weight on your heart. For a moment, you let your words hit him. So when you see him finally drop his spoon down on the bowl, you realize he was ready to talk.

“Changmin, I need you to be honest with me.” You swallow down the lump in your throat—almost as if you were trying to get rid of the anxiety. “Are you avoiding me?”

As soon as you ask that question, Changmin shakes his head quickly with eyes full of worry. “Oh god, Y/N. I’m not. I-I didn’t mean to come off that way.”

“So you aren’t?”

Changmin sighs before he lets his hands reach toward yours. As he grabs hold of your hands, he says, “I mean, I just needed some time away from you.” Before you say any more, he interjects, “But not in the way you may think of it to be. It’s completely all on me—you did nothing wrong.”

“Then what’s wrong?” As soon as you ask him that question, you are met with silence. His eyes trail down to your linked hands. “Changmin,” you call out so that he looks right back into your eyes. He does not.

You shake your head and free one of your hands from his grasp. Your hand reaches out for the underside of his chin so that you could lift his face. And with that action, Changmin feels his breath hitch. 

With his eyes locked with yours and your hand holding his chin delicately like a freshly sprouted flower, he feels like he is transported back to his dream. Every action you seemingly do only reminds him of his fantasy of you. It does not help that your worried eyes looked like your nervous ones in his dream.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Once the question leaves your mouth, Changmin snaps out of his trance. He leans a little backward so that his chin slips out of your grasp. “Yes, sorry. It’s not because you did anything wrong.”

“Okay, but why avoid me then? You know you can talk to me, right?” And he knew that more than anyone. You have always offered him a place for him to talk no matter what it may be about. He did not owe you to share his thoughts, but he is forever in debt to you for opening such a space.

He sighs as he finally lets go of your hands. “It’s… embarrassing,” he whispers the last word with shame overtaking his body once more.

“It can’t be that bad,” you attempt to reassure him only to be met with him avoiding your gaze. “I mean, what’s there to be embarrassed about with me? You’ve known me my whole high school life—it can’t be worse than that.”

For a moment, Changmin contemplates. You had every right to think that way, but you had no idea of his intimate dream with you. He knew he could get out of this. And yet, he found himself defenseless against you.

“God, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he whispers to himself. As he notices a frown appear on your face, he shakes his head. “Just, please do not judge when I say this.” Your frown stays, curious to hear what he has to say. “Before anything, I respect you, okay?”

When he says those words, you cannot help but let a chuckle slip out. “I know that, don’t worry.”

“Yes, but… ugh, I don’t know how to say this,” he mutters as he thinks about the best way to share what has been bothering him.

You reach out once more for his hand and hold onto it. “Changmin, it’s fine. Rip the bandaid out—for the both of us.”

He hesitates for a second. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes filled with guilt, you can tell he was struggling to get the secret out. Before you could say any more, he spoke.

“I had this dream,” he waits for you to say something. When you do not interrupt, he takes it as a signal to continue. “It had you in it.”

It takes you a moment to process his words. Yet, before he could say more, you found yourself saying, “Oh.”

“Wait! It’s not what you think!” He blurts out before you could assume anymore. “I swear, I did not have that type of dream about you.”

When you decide to not interject, he takes it as an opportunity to continue. “God, it’s just that we almost… you know… kissed,” he whispers that last word as if it were a sin with downcast eyes.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” You finally ask him, earning a nod.

Silence then settles between you two. For a moment, he does not know if he should say something or if he should let it sit with you. There were so many thoughts traveling through his mind—he only expects you to be disgusted by him. And yet, your hand still held his.

For some reason, you cannot help but laugh at the revelation. Changmin finds himself looking up at you only to be met with your shaking head which is accompanied by a small smile. “God, you’re that worked up over an almost kiss?”

As soon as you ask that question, he is thrown off by your casual nature. It is as if you did not understand the gravity of this. “W-what? You wouldn’t be?” He is only met with you shaking your head once more.

“No, dumbass,” you chuckle as you retract your hand from his and ruffle his hair. “There’s no reason for you to get so embarrassed over a dream. It’s not like you can control it… unless?”

“Why would I want to kiss you?!”

The way Changmin physically reels as he says those words make you laugh. “See! Then your dream means nothing.” You smile as you let your chin rest on your arm that is propped up on the table. “If it helps, I’ve dreamt about you too.”

Your best friend cannot hide his shocked expression. The idea of you dreaming about him is something he has never entertained until your reveal. “You have? About what?”

“Secret.”

“Hey, I told you mine!”

You can only laugh at your best friend’s behavior. “I’m assuming you told Sunwoo, right?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “He cornered me into telling him and Chanhee when he heard from you that I was “practicing.” It felt so weird to tell him.”

“Well, that’s Sunwoo for you. If it helps, he was also the first person I told about my dream of you.”

Changmin pouts at you while your grin remains the same. “I thought we were best friends.”

“Yeah,” you look at him up and down. “Until you decided to avoid me over a dream!”

“Okay, fair point,” he admits with a sheepish smile. “But I ended up telling you! Why won’t you tell me yours?”

You roll your eyes over his childish behavior and say, “Because mine is far more embarrassing than an “almost kiss” that you seemed to have with me.” With those words, he cannot help but be curious.

A frown now plastered on his face, his mind runs through every possible dream that could be more embarrassing than his. Nothing could possibly beat his dream of you—until his mind lands on a particular idea. With a small chuckle leaving his mouth, he asks, “Did you have a sex dream about me?”

“No.” The way you blurt out the word ruins the cover you built. And there is no way to save yourself from this mess.

“Oh my god, you did!” He exclaims with eyebrows raised over the revelation. “When did you have it?” When all he receives is an eye roll from you, he decides to push further. “C’mon! Like you said, my dream does not mean anything as much as yours doesn’t.”

You sigh out in frustration before you frown at the boy across from you. “First year of college—it was after I saw your recital where you performed “BOSS” by NCT,” you shyly admit as you avoid his gaze. Although you refuse to look at him, you can feel how his eyes bore into you.

“Really? You liked that fit on me?” He asks smugly to which you groan. “I’m kidding!” You roll your eyes once more as you let him finally take some spoonfuls of his bibimbap.

The silence that settles on you two is surprisingly comfortable. Despite the awkward revelations that came on both ends (most especially on yours), the stillness of it all does not make you sit in embarrassment.

“Thank you, though.” You finally look back at him. “I mean, thank you for telling me,” he says with a shy smile on his face.

Changmin has always been the type to keep his feelings to himself—the one to hide his shame away. You have always known that since you first knew him as Sunwoo’s friend. But you also knew that leaving a space for him to talk gave him opportunities to be vulnerable with you—all he needs is a little reminder.

You let out a sigh. “Just don’t avoid me like that again.”

“I won’t.” Changmin nods as he finishes his bibimbap. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

As you shrug, you are met with his frown. Before you could say anymore, you felt your phone buzz. While he observes the way your face shifts from exhaustion to pure euphoria, an ill feeling starts to poll in his stomach. “Nevermind, I’m going to grab lunch with Jacob.”

When those words slip out of your mouth, a weight is dropped right on top of his heart. The last time he felt like this was when Hwang Hyunjin was offered the center position for one of the routines that he was aiming for. He hates this feeling—why did he feel this way over how you mentioned Jacob’s name?

“You are? I thought your schedules were completely different,” he murmurs before his eyes drift back down to his bowl.

“Yeah, but he just texted asking if I wanted to grab lunch with him. Hopefully, we can work on the article after so that my life is easier.” You smile while you text away. Changmin only allows himself to hum.

“Are you okay if I go? Or do you want me to wait for you?”

When you ask that question, every part of him wants to tell you to stay. In the time he has avoided you, it is only now that he is starting to realize how much he missed hanging out with you. Every part of him only wanted to hold you close to him—to forever link arms with you every second of the day. But this is Changmin we’re talking about—he would never hold you back from what you want to do.

He shakes his head with a small smile as a cover-up. “No, you should go. I know you miss him.” As he sees your grin, he cannot help but feel his heart being tugged harshly. 

“Thank you!” You exclaim as you get off your seat. “I’ll update you!” And with that, you left your best friend. Now, he is left with thoughts and feelings he wishes to not entertain.

Before you met up with Jacob, you made sure to cover up your fatigue (thank god you brought some makeup) by hiding your dark circles. In contrast with the exhausted look that Changmin and Sunwoo previously saw, you presented yourself as you normally would when going to campus.

Now, you stand in front of a restaurant whose specialty lies in Korean fried chicken. Once you entered, you noticed that there were only a handful of students from your university. Other customers were those dressed in button-ups and slacks while some came in casual clothing.

As you look around, you spot the 5th-year who types away on his phone. The sight of him never fails to warm your heart. You walk towards him and greet him with a smile, “Hi, Jacob.”

When his eyes land on you, he flashes you that all-knowing smile (god, you will always be defenseless against him). “Oh, hi! Please take a seat.” He stashes his phone in his pocket. As soon as you take a seat, he says, “I already ordered the fried chicken and kimchi-jjigae just a few minutes ago, so it will probably be here soon.”

“Ah, thank you so much! I haven’t eaten the whole day,” you admit as you scratch the back of your neck. While you take a gulp of water, Jacob speaks up.

“You haven’t? Well, we’re gonna make sure you eat lots now,” he smiles at you which has you almost choking on your water—just almost. When you place the cup back down, you show him a shy smile.

Your relationship with Jacob has been complicated. Ever since that fateful night when he asked about your relationship with Changmin, something in the air shifted—it felt as if the aura he emits is different. Although his innocent praises stayed, he started to tell you things that made you melt from the inside out. From “Good job with the draft!” to “I like what you did with your hair today,” you did not know what to make of this new dynamic with him.

Still, a part of you wanted to hold back from pursuing anything. Despite getting to know him during the weeks you two worked together, you found yourself still valuing all his thoughts about you. In your mind, he is still the 4th-year who you idolized when you first entered the publication. 

“So, how are you?” You try to shift the conversation. “Have your professors been assigning you some heavy projects?”

Jacob nods and hums in affirmation. “I expected to have more free time since I’m in my 5th year. But surprisingly, my academics still take up a huge chunk of my time.” He sighs as he looks down at the table. “With my internship and the publication work, my schedule has been cramped.”

“I can only imagine.” And you only really could. You have always anticipated your senior year to be hectic as when Changmin and Chanhee were juggling their priorities the summer before their 4th year. The two never really got to enjoy that summer; they dreaded every day until the start of their senior year.

“What about you? How’s the final leg of the semester treating you?” As Jacob asks the question, you could only sigh. He could only chuckle. “I’m assuming it’s not going well for you also.”

You let out a groan before complaining, “Professors have this tendency to assign due dates for heavy projects before the actual finals season. I mean, I get it—they’re trying to do us a favor so that we can focus on actual finals but literally every prof is doing that.” As you were going on a tangent, you noticed Jacob starting to smile. “I just think that professors could have easily spaced out the workload.”

Before you could ask about what he is smiling about, an old woman comes to your table with a bowl of kimchi-jjigae and a basket of Korean fried chicken. Your stomach grumbles at the sight. As soon as she sets the two dishes down, she smiles and coos at the boy in front of you, pinching his cheeks. “My Jacob, I didn’t know you were having a date!”

Once those words leave her mouth, your eyes widen in shock. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks all while Jacob smiles at the server. “Ah halmeoni, thank you for preparing such a good meal.” He does not make an effort to deny your lunch being a date—the butterflies start to swarm in your stomach.

“Of course, my sweet sweet boy.” She finally stops pinching his cheeks and smiles at you. “Please enjoy your date.” Before you could protest, she left the two of you to serve the other customers calling her.

You cannot find your voice. Somehow, you were scared to let a sound out in fear that your voice would crack from how the woman described this lunch. It did not help that Jacob went along with it. And what made you melt even more is when he poured you a bowl of kimchi-jjigae and placed a piece of chicken on your plate.

When you stare at Jacob who pours himself some stew, he only shoots you that godforsaken smile. You may not know what you want with Jacob at the end of all of this. But one thing is for sure though—you wanted this feeling to remain. 

It is 10:34 PM. You are seated in your living room watching an episode of Bluey while your laptop remains abandoned. During times of stress, you always found yourself watching this show for comfort. Its digestible plot and heartwarming nature found in each episode worked for your weak heart. That is until you hear your doorbell ring.

You were not expecting a delivery—let alone anyone at this time. As you got off the couch and walked towards the door, you peeked through the peephole only to see your best friend dressed up in a white shirt and grey jogging pants.

As soon as you open the door, you ask, “Changmin? Why the hell are you here?”

The last time you saw him was two weeks ago—the day you confronted him about his avoidance. Your friend group was preoccupied with hell season (read as “professors assigning heavy projects”) and extracurriculars, preventing you four from hanging out. 

It was a miracle that you and Jacob managed to wrap up your article on drinking culture amongst students just a few weeks after Halloween. Now, you two were rushed into finishing the joint article on hustle culture in student organizations so that it would be published in time before finals season comes.

In Chanhee’s case, he was assigned more coverages aside from the ones he had to work on with you two. He always swooped in on time to film and capture the moments and left as quickly as he could to handle his other duties. It is crazy how you two are in the same publication but barely see each other.

While you and Chanhee have been preoccupied with publication work, Changmin and Sunwoo have been practicing non-stop for their competition happening tomorrow. They have spent almost every night in the dance studio going over the same routine countless times; sweating through every shirt they had; exerting every muscle in them; enduring every bruise that came from dancing. That is why you do not understand why Changmin stood before you when his competition was happening tomorrow.

“I’m here to check up on you,” he says as he takes his shoes off and sets them aside before taking a step into your place. You close the door and frown at the boy who was making his way to your couch. “You’re watching Bluey? Now you need to tell me what’s going on.”

You sigh as you make your way beside him and plop down on the couch. “I’m just taking a break from work.”

“Is it the same one from last time? The drinking culture one?”

“Nope.” You pop the ‘p’ sound as you grab your laptop. “It’s about hustle culture in orgs,” as you say those words, your best friend could only chuckle. “Why? What’s so funny?”

He raises his eyebrows at you. “Don’t you think it’s funny how you’re writing about that when you have been working like crazy for the newspaper?” As he points it out, you only roll your eyes. “I know you’ve been writing non-stop, so why don’t you just take a break?”

You firmly shake your head and say, “I can’t; my break was watching Bluey.” While you type away, you could feel your best friend start to rest his head on your shoulder as he watches the show without you. Oddly enough, you felt all the knots in your body untie themselves—it was as if Changmin helped alleviate the stress by simply being present.

The episodes play out while you work; searching up synonyms for basic words like “say” or “work”; typing out phrases that sound right; deleting every unnecessary word to save you on characters. After two episodes ended, you could feel your best friend tug on your arm. You look to your right to see his concerned eyes. “C’mon, you can work on that tomorrow. I don’t want you to overwork yourself tonight.”

You only show him a small smile. He is right. Over the past weeks, you have found yourself staying up countless nights to balance your academics and publication work. Your friend group is well aware of this (since you have messaged them during the late hours), and they would always remind you to take breaks. Yet, you never did allow yourself to listen. A part of you felt like you needed to work every minute.

When you decide to not say anything, Changmin takes it as a sign to get off the couch. “C’mon, let’s go to the mart downstairs. You really need to take a break.”

“But–”

“No.” He grabs hold of your laptop and pries it away from your hands. As you whine, he only shakes his head. “Y/N, I know you. If you keep this up, you’re going to get sick. So for once, just listen to me.” Your best friend’s persistence is something that you could not battle against. And after you let out a sigh, you find yourself getting off the couch.

Now, you two were sitting inside the convenience store located on the ground floor of your apartment complex. While you ate away on your cup of ice cream, Changmin was munching on some bread with red beans in it.

“Aren’t you not allowed to be snacking late at night before your competition?” He only hums as he watches you chew on the wooden spoon. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

He shakes his head and says, “This isn’t about me—I’m here to ask about you.” You can only sigh over his behavior. Being put under the spotlight is something you always dread, especially when it comes to your own problems. Changmin, of all people, knew this—but he only corners you when it is necessary for you would only bottle it all up.

“What about we talk about everything?” When you are met with a frown, you whine, “Changmin, you know I hate it when I talk about this shit alone. Let me at least hear you out.”

For a moment, he remains frowning at you. But just like him, you are persistent. He sighs before giving in to your request. “Fine, shoot.”

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

He gives himself a moment to think over the question before answering with, “Oddly enough, I feel a bit more confident about the competition tomorrow.”

“Hey, that’s good!”

He chuckles as he looks down on his bread. “I know. I mean, a part of me is still nervous but I feel like it would be good to end this on a good note.” He finds himself smiling as he looks out the window. “I’m just hoping we secure that win, you know? Considering that I have several center parts–”

“Are you really trying to flex that right now?” You scoff as you twirl the wooden spoon. 

“I’m just saying.”

“Whatever, you’re not all that.”

“Do you see me commenting shit like that every time you talk about getting clean closes on your articles?”

As soon as your best friend looks at you, he is greeted with a frown on your face. “You always do. Be so for real right now.”

“Just because you always talk about it! Let me have my moment,” he says which only has you rolling your eyes. “But continuing before you interrupted me, I still want to do well. I want to win for my team—let the mark I leave be a good one.”

You understood where Changmin was coming from. Even if he talked about being a bit more relaxed, you knew that this competition still mattered to him as a graduating senior. His passion for dance is something you do not usually see from anyone. At the end of everything, he wanted to prove that his love for this activity is something to be acknowledged—all the time he has spent dancing is something worthy to commemorate.

“Hey, and you will,” you say as you bump shoulders with him. “I know you will do good.”

He lets a chuckle out. “I know I will do good when you’re there.”

“Calling me your lucky charm then?” You smirk as you chew on your wooden spoon. When you do not hear him say anything, you turn your head to look at him only to be met with his small smile.

“Yeah, I do.” Just like a bonfire on a cold night, his words warm your heart. You never expect him to go with it. And yet, the way he says the words so easily almost makes you smile.

In an attempt to not feed his ego, you roll your eyes and face away from him to hide your expression. Before you could say any more, he spoke. “Now that we talked about me, let’s talk about whatever you have going on.”

You sigh as you look out the window. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s just the stress of everything, you know?”

“Okay, so tell me about it—go through what’s bothering you one by one.” When he says those words, you cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug. It is during these times that you remember Changmin’s constant aid when you found yourself struggling in silence.

Despite being the talkative one in your friend group, you never liked to dive into your troubles. If anything, you liked to be the person who people went to for comfort versus the person who vents their struggles. Even in your early years of being friends with Sunwoo, he has known you to be the type of person who would discredit their problems. That is why it is not rare for you to sweep your difficulties under the rug. And every day, you always appreciate Sunwoo for being present in the moments you need him the most.

Funnily enough, the same goes for your best friend. Changmin was fine with talking about anything and everything unless it concerned his problems. He was the type of person to lock himself away in his low times—hide away so that he burdens no one. And yet, his walls would always break when you came into the picture. Because at the end of everything, you want to be the shoulder he can lean on. And just like you, he does the same for you.

Somehow, the universe gifted you someone who knew you from the inside and out—one who pushed you to the necessary limits that you needed to reach in order to grow. You could only hope he felt the same towards you.

Under his gaze, you finally found it within yourself to speak. “I don’t know what to feel.” You find yourself looking back at Changmin only to be greeted by his nod. “I mean, I don’t know what to feel about Jacob.”

You do not miss the way he frowns as you say the 5th-year’s name. “Go on,” he urges you to continue.

“I feel like–god, I don’t know how to say it.” You let your eyes trail back down to your cup of ice cream. “Ever since that Halloween party, I feel like something changed, you know? Like he’s still sweet but I feel so hyperaware that he might actually reciprocate whatever I’m feeling about him.”

Changmin only hums before he takes a bite of his bread. As soon as he swallows it down, he says, “You’re not happy about your crush showing some interest in you?”

You shake your head before admitting, “Crazily enough, I feel more scared.” You do not allow your eyes to meet with his. “Like, I love the feeling of spending time with him. But when I remember what he said at the party and all the other times he has said something almost flirtatious in nature, I feel myself freeze up.”

“Okay, why do you think that?”

You find yourself shrugging. “I feel like I still think of him as the 4th-year that I first found myself crushing on when I entered the publication. A part of me still puts him on this pedestal who I idolize versus a friend who I’ve gotten to know during my weeks working with him.”

You hate that it turned out this way. Every part of you wants to jump head-first into whatever you and Jacob have going on. And yet, you can never push him off the pedestal—almost as if he is forever rooted in that place. You are about to say more until you are met with a question that you do not expect.

“Do you, I don’t know, ever see yourself with him?” Once your best friend asks that, you cannot help but stare at him. “I know it’s a lot to consider.”

“No, you’re good,” you mumble as you let yourself look back out the window. “I… don’t know. Oddly enough, I don’t think I can see myself with anyone.” As soon as those words leave your mouth, you allow your eyes to meet Changmin’s which are only filled with worry.

“You don’t?”

It has only occurred to you that you have never mentioned this thought to him. Despite the many times you rambled to him about all your short-lived crushes, you never really had anything progress past that stage—let alone saw yourself pursuing them.

“Yeah, it’s weird,” you found yourself saying after finishing your last spoonful of ice cream. “To me, I’ve grown so accustomed to the idea that all my crushes will stay as crushes, you know? That’s what I’m familiar with.”

Silence engulfs you two for a moment. You let Changmin process what you just shared with him. But when you realize that he was not going to say anything, you chose to continue. “I have gone my whole life just doing work that I find it hard to even imagine a future where I’m not working.” You find yourself sighing. “Is it odd to think that I feel like I am put in this world for the sole reason to work?”

It is supposed to be a hypothetical question—until your best friend answers. “Y/N,” he calls your name out before his hand finds its way to yours. “You are more than your accomplishments, you know that right?” You look at him with eyes full of shock. There was not enough time for you to think of an answer as he continued to speak. “You are deserving of love—you always have been.”

You feel his hand grip yours a tad tighter. His fingers held your hand as if you could easily slip away. You knew it was his way of wanting you to hear him out—to believe his words.

It has been something you noticed since your second year in high school. You can remember the first time you finally started to pick up his small habits—from the way he likes to link arms with you to the way he tends to hit whoever is beside him whenever he is excited.

It is rare for him to firmly grip your hand. In the same way you would reserve these types of talks to be mainly with him, you could only hope that it was an action he reserved for you.

“I know that you may have gone your life under the impression that no one wants you in the way you hope, but there are people who love to have you in their lives. I know you value your work because I do too, but you aren’t just some commodification of labor—you are a burst of energy for Chanhee; a familiar presence for Sunwoo; a place of solace for me.” The more he continues with his tangent, the harder it gets for you to find the right words to say.

Somehow, he reads your thoughts and says, “I’m not saying you should dive in with whatever you have going on with Jacob hyung without understanding what you want from him. But I think you should at least entertain the idea that you can possibly have something with him.” He takes a moment to sigh as he draws circles on the back of your hand. “I just don’t want you to hold yourself back from getting something that you have deserved for so long just because it’s unfamiliar.”

And deep inside, you knew Changmin was right. He has always been the type to remind you that you do deserve happiness—whether it may be in whatever career path you decide to set on or hobbies you wish to pursue. And yet, you still hold yourself back from attaining something that stands right before you. Are you really part of the list of people who deserve happiness?

But you know that if you say anymore, the conversation would spiral down further. “I just,” you take a deep breath as you bring your linked hands closer to you. “I–I don’t know anymore. Maybe I just need time to just figure out whatever the fuck I’m feeling,” you chuckle as you look down at your hand that intertwines with his.

“And take all the time you need,” he whispers. Once you look at him, his gaze never falters. In those eyes you have grown accustomed to, you allow yourself to be exposed to him in ways that no one will ever have the privilege of seeing.

Your best friend smiles at you and says, “Come on, it’s getting late. I’ll bring you back to your place.” Once he stands up, he grabs your empty cup and wooden spoon with his plastic wrapper from the bread and throws them into the trash bin.

The walk back was silent—nothing needed to be said for you two were content with being in each other’s presence. When Changmin drops you off by your door, you smile at him. “Thank you for tonight. It kind of felt nice to have it finally out.”

He gives you a small shrug and says, “I’m always here to help you carry your burdens.” You cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug.

Before he could say more, you wrap your arms around him and pull him into a hug. He feels himself stiffen at the sudden action. And when he realizes that it is you who initiates the hug, he melts into it.

It is not rare for you two to hug—for you to initiate them, however, is a once-in-a-blue-moon experience. Although your best friend loves physical touch, it was never something you sought out. The most you ever did was link arms or hold hands—for you to bring him into a hug was unexpected.

As you feel his arms wrap around your waist, you allow yourself to release a shaky breath. Even if you were not a big fan of physical touch, a hug like this one will always bring you immense comfort. “Thank you,” you whisper into his shoulder. All he does is continue to embrace you.

Once you let go of him, he does the same. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my shining star.” As you say those words, Changmin cannot hide the smile that shows on his lips.

“I’ll wait for you, lucky charm.” You smile before entering your apartment. The moment the door shuts close, he starts walking away while fishing his phone out of his pocket. He dials one of his best friends and brings the phone close to his ear.

After three rings, he hears a groan from the other end of the line. “Changmin, it’s late. What do you want?” Sunwoo complains in his groggy voice.

“I think I’m fucked.”

“Ok–”

“I think I like Y/N.”

Changmin is met with silence. For a moment, he thinks Sunwoo hung up on him. That is until he says, “Expect me at your place in ten minutes.”

When you wake up, you expect to feel sluggish. But as soon as you start to feel your body ache, you realize that today was not going to go as planned.

“I don’t think I can make it,” you groaned out to your best friend who was on the other line as you waited for the thermometer to finalize its results regarding your temperature. “God, I’m so annoyed.”

“Aish, this is what you get for staying up so many nights!” Chanhee scolds you as you set your phone on speaker mode.

While you roll your eyes at his reprimanding, you hear a beep emit from the thermometer placed under your arm. Once you took it out, you could see that your temperature is at 39°C. You scratch the top of your head and say, “Fuck, I am sick.”

Unbeknownst to you, Chanhee was in the dance team’s dressing room seated near Changmin as he was getting his makeup done. Changmin furrowed his eyebrows at his best friend who was on call with you. “What’s wrong?” He whispers only to earn no response from Chanhee.

“God, don’t tell Changmin I’m not there,” you say as you store the thermometer away on your bedside table. You grab onto your phone to double-check if Chanhee was still on the line.

He attempts to joke and says, “Oh, so I can tell Sunwoo?”

You roll your eyes even if he cannot see your reaction. “Obviously not. I just–right now, they should not be worrying about me. It’s a big deal for them, especially Changmin.” As you whisper your best friend’s name, you could feel the guilt eating you apart. After last night’s conversation, you knew he would not be able to rest easy knowing you are sick. “Can you think of an excuse? Like maybe just say I’m running late?”

“I don’t know if I can,” He admits as he stares at the topic of the conversation who only has a look of concern. Before Changmin could say anything, he waved his hand at him. “Do you need me to book a delivery for you? Do you have some meds?”

As you peer over to your bedside table to look through the drawers, you notice some acetaminophen pills sealed up. “Yeah, I have enough to last me around three days.”

“I’ll bring some more when I visit you. What about soup?”

You sigh. “It’s okay; I can handle it. Just make sure to cheer them on for me.”

Chanhee bites on his lip as he stares back at Changmin who was starting to connect the dots. Based on the one-sided conversation, it was starting to make sense in his head what was going on—not only could you not make it to the competition but you were sick.

“Okay, I’ll see you later?” Chanhee finally asks. As soon as you hum, you decide to end the call. While you were under the impression that Changmin had no clue of your absence, the reality is that he was well aware of what was happening.

“They’re sick,” Changmin mutters to himself as he looks at himself through the mirror while Park Seonghwa, one of the makeup artists that work closely with the dance troupe, continues to pamper him.

His best friend sighs as he types away on his phone. “They don’t want you to worry about them. Just focus on the competition and we can visit them after.” As he said those words, Changmin could feel the anxiety start to brew within him; his heart started to feel heavy; his palms were getting sweaty; it almost felt like the walls were going to collapse on him.

Chanhee starts to notice that Changmin was drifting into a headspace that they wanted to absolutely avoid. “Seonghwa, can you excuse us?” Once the makeup artist nods and walks away to work on someone else, Chanhee quickly stands up from his seat and walks behind his panicked friend before holding onto his shoulders.

“Hey,” he calls out as he catches Changmin’s attention through the mirror. “I know that you’re worried about Y/N, but they’ll be fine. All they have is a fever. You though, you need to focus on your competition.”

“Okay but Y/N has never missed any of my competitions.”

Chanhee chuckles. “And you’ll be fine. You can always tell them about your win after, and I can record it just to show them.” But the thing is his best friend does not get why Changmin is worried about your absence.

He has been nervous about the competition since the morning came. But the idea of you being there provided him with immense comfort that he could tackle this. Without his lucky charm, he almost felt defenseless.

“I know you like them and all–”

“Huh?! That’s not the point!” Changmin quickly exclaims to cover up what Chanhee just babbled out. He whispers, “That’s not something you should be saying out loud.”

His best friend attempts to apologize. “Sorry! I just never see you act like this, so I thought all of this was coming from the fact that you like them now.”

Changmin only sighs as he looks back down to his hands that play with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t usually act like this because Y/N has always been present for every competition. And never once did the teams I joined place anything lower than silver.”

Chanhee cannot help but pout at him. “They’re almost like your lucky charm, is that it?” When he does not say anything, the best friend only sighs. “I don’t know if this will help, but why don’t you at least try to win without them? Instead of worrying about your missing lucky charm, take this opportunity to win this for them—for you, especially.”

Unbeknownst to the two, Sunwoo overheard a part of the conversation before he walked up to them. The two were briefly surprised by his sudden appearance. “Hey, you two,” he starts off before holding onto his best friend’s forearm who was seated on the chair.

“Changmin, I know you’re worried. If anything, I am too. I used to treat Y/N as my lucky charm since. They’ve been present for not only the dance competitions but my soccer tournaments in grade school.” He looks at Changmin with worried eyes. “There was this one time where Y/N didn’t show up because they got sick as well. On that day, I had a foul shot that caused the team’s chance to win.”

He sighs at the memory, remembering how much he cried to you on the landline. “In their comfort, they told me this: “You don’t need me to achieve the heights you’ve dreamed of.” And I think a part of me realized then that I put so much faith in someone who was only supporting me on the sidelines. At the end of everything, they want you to believe in yourself.”

As Sunwoo shares his memory with you, Changmin cannot help but think over the words you told Sunwoo. It is true that despite the skills he had, he always found himself second-guessing his capabilities as a dancer. And during the times he found himself doubting his abilities, you were always there to remind him of his worth. Not only did you do that for dance but even when you two still worked together for your high school’s publication. 

“Yeah, what matters most is that you win this, especially for yourself—this is your dream. No matter what happens, we will always be proud of you. We know how much time and effort you put into dance, and we’ll always marvel at what you do,” Chanhee speaks up. Since the conversation happened, Changmin finally found himself showing a small smile.

“Ah, there’s that smile,” Sunwoo points out, which only has Chanhee giggle. “C’mon, let’s just focus on making sure we get through this without any injuries. Win or lose, we still did well, okay?” Sunwoo raises his fist for his best friend to fist bump. Once he does so, Sunwoo smiles.

Chanhee smiles at the sight of him and his two best friends huddled together through the mirror. In the time he has gotten to know your friend group, he realized that all the bantering is just a coverup for how much love is shared between you three. Despite the quarrels and internal struggles, your friend group always remained firm in the idea that to love is to reestablish each person’s independence.

No matter how many times you three believe you cannot survive without one another, the reality is that the achievements achieved are all due to each person’s capability—it is just nice to know that there will always be people to support you from the sidelines. As Chanhee was dragged into your friend group, he found himself cared for and supported in every aspect.

He leans his head on Sunwoo’s shoulder as he continues to hold onto Changmin’s shoulder. Although Sunwoo was startled by the sudden movement, he noticed the smile on his best friend’s face. “You guys will be okay.” And with those words leaving Chanhee’s mouth, the two could not help but feel a heavy weight on their hearts be lifted.

Sitting on the couch in your living room, you were all wrapped up in a blanket as you tried to type away on your laptop. Not only were you disappointed about missing Changmin and Sunwoo’s performance, you were stressed about your article’s due date which was two days from now.

Despite how sick you felt, you still needed to work on the task at hand. It almost felt as if the upcoming deadline was breathing down on your neck. You would hate to cause an inconvenience for both your editor and co-writer. 

Your phone vibrates. Expecting to get a call from the delivery person who was bringing some samgyetang from your favorite restaurant, you see Chanhee is calling you. As soon as you answer, you say, “How did it go?” When you are met with a sigh on the other end of the line, you could feel your heart get heavy.

“Y/N, I don’t know where Changmin is.” You feel yourself sit up straight as your best friend reveals that information. “The competition didn’t turn out well—they ended up placing last out of the five groups who participated.” Your eyes close in sorrow.

For a moment, you hear some muffled sounds until another voice speaks up. “As soon as they revealed the results, he left,” Sunwoo let out a sigh. “We’ve been trying to contact him but it keeps going straight to voicemail.”

“We’re planning to check the athletics center first and the picnic where we usually hang out before deciding to check back at my place.” Once Chanhee says that, you let out a hum. “Do you have any other places in mind that you think he’d be at?”

“Uh, I think the park near your apartment complex would be good to check out,” you start off. As you tried to think of more places, you felt yourself hitting a mental wall—you were too worried about your best friend. “I-I don’t know where else he could be.” As you whisper those words, the unbearable weight on your heart is accompanied by claws that make it ache.

You could hear someone sigh for a moment. “Okay, if you ever think of more places, just message us. Tell us also if you get a message from him,” Sunwoo tells you.

“And don’t go looking out for him. I mean it.” Every part of you wanted to argue with Chanhee. But with his harsh tone, you realized there was nothing you can do in this state. He is right, you are sick—now is not the best time to go out.

While you tried to process the news, you were starting to blame yourself for getting sick. Especially after last night’s conversation with Changmin (and how he thought of you as his lucky charm), you could do nothing but feel guilt swallow you whole.

“Okay,” you finally whisper back. And somehow, your best friends started to notice how worried you were with how you said that one word.

With a sigh, Sunwoo says, “He’ll be okay. It was just a bad day.” Before you could say more, he cuts you off. “And it’s not your fault.” You feel your bottom lip quiver. “The other teams just presented a better performance in comparison to us—we would have never expected it. So don’t carry the blame, lucky charm.” As he calls you that term, your heart aches.

When you were first called that by him, you could remember the joy you felt. You loved to support your best friend in any way you can, even if it meant being treated as the one reassuring presence that made him feel like he was guaranteed success. But what came with being a lucky charm was also the burden of the title—having someone put all their faith in you when you had no control almost felt anxiety-inducing.

So when Changmin coined that term on you, you could not help but experience that feeling once more. That is until you learned that your absence was as coincidental as their team losing in the said competition. 

“Take care, alright?” As soon as Chanhee says that, you let out a hum. The call ends and you are left to stare off into the open space in your living room. Yet, not even a minute after, you hear the doorbell ring.

You stood up from the couch with your blanket still wrapped around you as you sluggishly walked towards the front door. When you swing it open, you expect to see a plastic bag filled with containers of the food you ordered. But when you see Changmin with a sorrowful expression holding onto the said plastic bag, your breath hitches at the sight.

Just at the sight of him, you decide against saying anything. With his shoes off, you only take a step to the side so that he could enter your place. You shut the door right after he enters and walk slowly to the boy who was placing your food on the kitchen counter. He was dressed up in an all-black outfit you could only presume to be the same outfit he performed in a few hours ago.

The silence is deafening; you are too afraid to let out a sound. As you watch your best friend keep his composure while he tries to prepare your food, dark limbs consume you and push you into a hole of guilt and sorrow. While he was still struggling to come to terms with placing last, he still was going out of his way to take care of you.

You took some steps forward so that you could be closer to him. While he opened containers containing samgyetang, kimchi, and more, you stood right behind him. And before he knows it, he feels your arms wrap around his waist and hug him from behind.

With that one simple action, he stopped whatever he was doing. You let your chin rest on his shoulder as you look down at his hands that were starting to tremble. As soon as you notice his head start to dip down, you knew he was going to cry. All while his body started to shake, you could only hug him.

“It’s okay,” you finally whisper to him.

It is rare to see Changmin cry. During your time growing up with him, you can only remember a few times when he shed a few tears; due to stress from school and his internship; when Gana went missing for a few days; times when he was frustrated with a choreography he could not get the hang of. But with the way he was shaking, you were not expecting just a few tears.

As soon as you spin the boy to face you, you could see tears streaming down his face. In an attempt to stop the waterfall and any wails, he bites on his bottom lip. And you realize that Changmin desperately needed to be cared for. You pulled him into another hug so that his face was snuggled into the crook of your neck.

With your best friend sobbing, you held him close. In these times, you started to understand what he meant last night—you are a place of solace for him just as he is for you.

Over the days you were sick, your best friends have been taking care of you—Chanhee mainly handles your medications, Changmin cooks or orders food for you, and Sunwoo takes your temperature and helps you out when it comes to using the bathroom.

Due to your physical state, Sunwoo had to tell Kevin that you were sick and unable to fully deliver in time for your deadline. As soon as he revealed that your editor would help Jacob in taking over for your assigned parts, guilt consumed you since you burdened them. But they were insistent on making sure that you got enough rest.

Stuck in bed, you were watching another episode of Knowing Brothers on your iPad while Sunwoo was scrolling on his phone. Your two other best friends were out of your place busy doing some groceries for you and themselves. As you watch the crew continue to joke around, your phone vibrates. Upon grabbing it, you notice a notification from Jacob.

Now sitting up, your eyes widen at the sight of his name. “What’s wrong?” You hear Sunwoo ask. While you ignore him, you decide to open up the conversation.

cobcob 🐰: hi y/n! i hope you’re okay :] please don’t stress about the article. you did a lot and i’m glad i got to work with you this semester!! cobcob 🐰: hopefully we can work together again for the second sem 💗 cobcob 🐰: or even hang out outside of student journalist duties :] y/n: thank u jacob </3 im very sorry about this T__T y/n: i will make it up to you by treating you to lunch! cobcob 🐰: don’t treat me to lunch!! it’s fine 💗 cobcob 🐰: instead, let me take you out

The moment you gasp causes Sunwoo to get closer to you and peer over your shoulder. Before you could scold him, he gasps as well. “DID HE JUST ASK YOU OUT?!”

“YAH!” You shove your best friend away. “I didn’t even allow you to read my conversation!”

“Oh my god, Y/N! Who cares! How much has progressed between you two?!” He exclaims as he starts shaking your arm. “Have you been keeping secrets from me?!”

You roll your eyes. “I haven’t! There’s just not much worth mentioning,” you admitted shyly.

“Liar,” your best friend says with a frown. “I bet Changmin knows everything.”

“He does.”

Sunwoo gasps and shoves you. “I was joking! But now that I’m finding out that it’s true, I’m hurt. I thought we were besties.”

You let out a sigh. “Then I’ll tell you. But I swear, it’s not much to begin with.” As he raises his eyebrows at you, you take it as a sign to continue. “I told you about what happened at the Halloween party, right?”

“Something happened?!”

You give him a shy smile. “Oops?” Your best friend gasps once more and smacks your arm. “I thought I told you!”

“Well, you didn’t! Does Chanhee know?” When you do not answer, your best friend frowns. “I cannot believe you are keeping secrets from me!”

You laugh and say, “I’m sorry! I’ll give you a full recap—no details will be left out.”

With that, you decided to tell him about the events that happened during Eric’s Halloween party to your supposed informal “date” over fried chicken and kimchi-jjigae. As you told the story, your best friend would gasp and smack your arm every time you revealed a new detail. Sunwoo cannot help but be impressed by how much had gone on.

“I still can’t believe you decided to not tell me.”

You pout in an attempt to earn his forgiveness. “To be fair, we weren’t hanging out much because of different schedules. And I don’t know, I wouldn’t think too much about it until… now.”

It is true—you were trying to find ways to believe that this is just Jacob being friendly. It felt impossible to believe that your crush was trying to pursue you. But with his most recent message, you started to realize that you were blind to his advances after all.

“Well, did you reply?” As soon as your best friend asks that question, your eyes widen. You quickly take a look back down on your phone to see some unread messages from Jacob. 

cobcob 🐰: if you don’t want to though, it’s fine! cobcob 🐰: just let me know 💗

“Oh god, what do I say?” You ask out loud as you point your phone towards Sunwoo.

Your best friend groans and says, “You are hopeless!” You frown as you face your phone back toward you. “Do you want to go on a date with him?”

“Yeah,” you shyly admit.

“Then you know your answer!”

You raise your hand to stop him from saying any more. “Okay, but I was telling Changmin this the other day that I don’t know what to feel towards him.”

“Okay, what’s the problem?”

You sigh as you look over the same message. “Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like I still idolize him, and I don’t know if I really connected with him during our time working together.” You look up to your best friend. “Like he’s nice and I really enjoy talking to him, but I really do think I put him on this pedestal. I would like to think of him as a friend, but a part of me still sees him as the senior I had a stupid crush on.”

Sunwoo only hums as he thinks over your words. “What did Changmin say?”

“He was saying I can take my time figuring it out really.” Your best friend hums once more.

“I don’t think a date will do any harm,” he starts off. “I mean, it might help you figure out what you want after all. And it’s not like you need to figure it out then and there.”

Your best friend had a point; you could go on a date without any expectation to understand your feelings after. You let out a sigh before looking down once more at your phone. Once you type out your message, you send it without looking back.

“Done!” You exclaim as you let yourself fall back down on the bed. “Can’t believe I’m going on a date with him.”

Sunwoo only smiles at you before he goes back to his phone. Unbeknownst to you, he messages Changmin about what just occurred between you and Jacob.

It is 3:34 PM. It has been a few hours since you replied to Jacob’s message. Now, you and your three best friends were watching 2 Days & 1 Night in the living room while waiting for the food to come.

You were wrapped in your blanket as you rested your head on Changmin’s lap while he rested his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it in a circular motion. With your eyes still trained on the television screen, you remain unaware of all the glances and smirks your two other best friends were shooting at Changmin.

“What do you guys have planned for winter break?” You decide to ask as you continue to watch the variety show.

“I’m going to Pyeongchang with my family,” Sunwoo shares as he looks at you and Changmin.

“My family hates snow, so we’re going to Malaysia.”

You hum at Chanhee’s answer before turning your body so that you could face Changmin. “What about you?”

“I think I’m just staying at Cheongju. My noonas are coming back home for the winter.”

You gasp as you sit up and say, “Yuna and Hanhee are coming home?! Oh my god, I miss them!”

During your high school years growing close with Changmin, his sisters have grown fond of your presence. Despite the age difference, Yuna and Hanhee have taken care of you as much as they do with their brother. You ended up being part of the Ji family with how much they cared for you during your years in high school.

“Yeah,” he says with a smile. “I haven’t seen them since 2nd-year winter break.”

Before you could say anything, Sunwoo decides to ask you a question. “Oh yeah, aren’t you supposed to be going to Japan for the break?” You shake your head before resting your back on the couch.

“It didn’t push through because my parents are going to be out of the country for a business trip,” you sigh. “I’m just going to be here rotting.”

“Really? You don’t have other relatives to spend the break with?” Chanhee asks you.

You shake your head with a sigh following. For most of your life, your parents have been attentive to you. However, when you started going to university, they grew busier due to more demand and obligations. You do not hold it against them for having to cancel the winter break plans—it had to be done and you knew there would be another time to go to Japan.

“Why don’t you try spending it with Changmin’s family?” Sunwoo suggests which makes you snap out of your thoughts. Before you could say anything, he says, “I mean, the Ji family does love you. What do you think, Changmin?”

You turn your head towards Changmin whose eyes were trained on Sunwoo and eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want to intrude, really. I’ll be fine–”

“No, it’s okay,” your best friend cuts off. As he looks back at you, he shoots you a smile. “I’m sure my family would not mind having you for the winter break.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying here.”

Changmin rolls his eyes and says, “It’s okay, we love having you in the house.” You allow yourself to smile. “I’m sure they would love to see you after 2 years.”

With that, he wraps his arm around your waist and brings you closer to him. You rest your head on his shoulder and continue to watch the variety show playing on the screen, unaware of the smirks your two other friends had.

“Oh god, am I mixing this right?”

Jacob peers over your shoulder and looks at what you are doing. As soon as he sees the mess, he cannot hold back his laugh.

You exclaim as you look back at the boy behind you. “Are you laughing?!”

“You’re fine! It’s just that I thought you overmixed but it’s very undermixed.”

Before you continue with the task at hand, you roll your eyes. “I barely bake, okay?” You shoot a playful glare at the boy who stood beside you who was mixing up the frosting.

“And I don’t bake, too!” He attempts to defend himself and then nudges your shoulder. “But you have to admit, this is fun.” You cannot help but smile.

It has been a week since Jacob asked you out on a date. You were able to recover from your fever thanks to your friends (which was honestly just an excuse for them to have a slumber party at your place). It was fun though—you kind of miss having them in your place.

Now, you were in a bakery that Jacob would frequent. He grew closer to the couple that runs it due to his visits. And somehow, he managed to reserve the kitchen for only you two to use (under the supervision of the owners, of course).

You could not lie—the date is cute. It is not the usual “dine-and-talk” that you have heard some of your friends go on. When Sunwoo went on his first date back in high school, you could remember how you and Changmin helped him plan it out.

“I don’t know what to do!” Sunwoo exclaims as he looks through his clothes. He moved every hanger, unsatisfied with every piece of clothing he had.

You and Changmin were lounging on Sunwoo’s twin bed with homework out while your best friend was having a dilemma. “I still can’t believe you managed to ask out Soojin,” you voice out as you were scribbling down the scientific names of common flowers. You nudge Changmin and ask, “Is this right?”

He takes a peek at your homework and lets out a chuckle. “You misspelled it. It’s Leucadendron—not Lucadeldron.” You roll your eyes as you erase your mistake.

“Science is not for me,” you say as you write the correct spelling.

“Yeah, well we all knew that,” Sunwoo mumbles under his breath as he still looks at his closet.

“Yah!” You grab a pillow and throw it at the guy. “Don’t you want us to help you?”

He turns around and frowns at you and Changmin. “I do, but you two aren’t even trying!” He points at the papers scattered on his bed. “How are you helping me if you’re studying?!”

Changmin sighs before dropping his pencil and getting off the bed. “Okay, what do you have in mind for tomorrow? Do you know where you’re going to take her?” As soon as Sunwoo shakes his head, you could only laugh in disbelief.

“You don’t have an idea?” Once you ask that, his eyes throw daggers in your direction. “I’m just shocked! To be fair, you have liked this girl since, so I thought you had something in mind.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t,” he sighs as he takes a seat on his bed. “This is terrible! I don’t want my first date to go bad.”

You and Changmin share a look as Sunwoo continues to wallow in anxiety. The two of you knew how much this means to your best friend. Who would not panic over going on a date with their long-time crush—let alone a first date? While Sunwoo was lost in his thoughts, Changmin pointed at his closet, giving you a silent signal that he would take care of his outfit.

“Okay, we’ll help you!” You scoot closer to Sunwoo and rest your hand on his shoulder. “Does she like to play board games? You can take her to the board game restaurant we always go to.”

“She doesn’t like playing board games.” He scratches the back of his neck. “She’s very competitive, and you know me.”

You sigh as you watch Changmin pull out a nice button-up shirt. “Well, does she like the aquarium?”

“She’s scared of fish.” As he says that, you tilt your head in confusion. “I don’t know. She once mentioned that she’s scared of the glass breaking.”

“Okay, can’t judge her entirely for that,” you chuckled under your breath as you thought about it more. You look over at Changmin who now holds three different hangers of clothing and decide to joke. “Changmin, do you have any ideas? Perhaps you’ve gone on a date?”

Your best friend looks over at you two as he still holds up some hangers of clothing. “Uh, yeah.” As he says that, your eyes widen in shock.

“You have?!” Sunwoo exclaims which has Changmin rolling his eyes.

“I was a sophomore when I went on a date with someone from the math honors society,” he answers as he raises a pair of jeans to envision the look he has in mind.

You gaped at him, in shock over what he revealed. “Goddamn, I thought you were bitchless.” Sunwoo cannot help but laugh beside you.

“Hey, that’s a good one.” As the two of you high-five, Changmin frowns.

“Yah! I’m not gonna give date ideas. You two figure it out,” he says as he continues to flip through whatever is in Sunwoo’s closet.

“No! C’mon, please! We won’t bully you anymore,” Sunwoo begs, only to be met with a sighing Changmin.

He looks over at the two of you once more who sat on the bed. “What does she like?”

Sunwoo hummed as he thought it over. “Well, she likes books, music, scrapbooking, and food.”

“Hm, you could bring her to the antique bookstore that Y/N and I always go to,” Changmin suggests only to earn a frown from Sunwoo. “Oh, I forgot that you hate reading.”

You tongue the inside of your cheek. “Well, you could also opt for a picnic date with some scrapbooking?” Your best friends look at you with eyebrows raised. “I mean, I should have some extra materials to spare since I stopped journaling.” When they continue to stare at you, you frown. “Jeez, don’t take my suggestion!”

“No, it’s good!” Changmin quickly says as he hangs the clothing pieces on the door for them to see. “I think this fit would be good for a picnic—fresh look!” The look is a navy blue collar shirt and a white tank top paired with beige jeans.

Sunwoo hums at the sight. “Damn, you guys are good with this, especially you,” he says as he looks at you.

Your eyebrows shoot up in confusion. “Me?”

“Yeah.” Changmin walks to the bed and goes back to answering his homework. “I wish I thought of doing that with someone,” he mutters under his breath.

You shrug and roll over. “To be fair, it’s something I would like. I don’t know if it is up Soojin’s alley, but it's worth a shot!”

Before you and Changmin could go back to work, Sunwoo jumps on you two which has you groaning. “Thanks, by the way. Once you guys go on future dates, I’ll help you out.”

You could only laugh as you continue to write some nonsensical names. “The day I go on a date is the day we know that nothing is real. Ain’t no way I’m finding love.”

And a few years later, you still could not believe you are on your first official date. Sunwoo did pull through; picking out some clothes; telling you what to do; easing your anxiety for the most part. You would have looped in Changmin for this but he was busy with schoolwork as finals season is approaching.

Since your best friends took care of you, you have not heard from him in a while. All you would get were short responses and excuses about why he could not talk or see you. You do not hold it against him though—he needed this time to focus on his thesis anyway.

“There we go!” Jacob exclaims as he looks over at your mixing bowl. “That looks good. We can pour it into the baking pan.” Once you nod, he moves the tray closer for you to pour into. Ever so slowly, the mixture created beautiful folds. The sight alone made you hungry.

“I’m so tempted to eat this cake batter up.” He laughs and takes the tray.

“We can’t have that happening! You need to wait,” he says as he walks closer to the oven that was preheated before you two started. You walk towards him to help in opening the oven so that he could place it in.

As soon as you shut it close, Jacob raises his hand for a high-five. “We did good,” you say as you high-five him back. “Hopefully, it turns out good.”

Jacob shrugs and says, “And if it doesn’t, I’d still be glad that we did this.” You only show him a small smile.

Everything in you wanted to agree with him. And yet, you hate that you could not agree with him wholeheartedly. You knew that your two best friends told you that you did not need to figure out your feelings for Jacob right after the first date. But oddly enough, you felt like pushing forward with him is almost like pushing mountains—unable to budge.

But it is not fair to completely shut him out without giving him another chance. At the end of everything, you want your first boyfriend to be him—you just needed time to rethink what you wanted. With that, you whisper, “Yeah, me too,” in hopes that all would be figured out.

At long last, you were done with the first semester. Oddly enough, you found yourself concluding finals season on a good note; saying goodbye to good groupmates and professors; acing projects you worked hard on; leaving classes with so much learned. The journey was not easy (and you would never want to experience it again), but you knew the next semester would be just as difficult.

Winter break came a week ago. Although Chanhee and Sunwoo already packed their bags and left as soon as it started, Changmin said that you two would leave as soon as the second week came in at the request of his parents. You did not mind waiting around, really. If anything, you were glad that you would be able to join them for the holidays.

It is 4:34 PM when you and Changmin arrive at Cheongju. As you take a deep breath of the air, you smile. It has been 2 years since you last stepped foot in this place. You notice that when you exhale, you see the air due to the cold temperature.

“Oh, I missed being here,” you mutter to yourself as you hold onto a hand-carry that carries your clothes for your seven-day stay in the Ji household. As you hear Changmin hum, you whip your head in his direction. For a moment, you swear he had his eyes on you briefly, but he was only looking off into the distance.

“Yeah,” he says with a small smile on his face. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and looks through his notifications. “I think Yuna noona should already be here. Let’s go to the pickup area.”

With that, you two drag your small luggage and make your way out of the train station to the curbside pickup point. Dozens of cars were lined up; some from those who resided in Cheongju while most were taxis. While Changmin was busy trying to get ahold of his sister, you stood close to him.

You have not told Changmin about what went down on your date with Jacob. The last time you talked about him was when you told your friends about him asking you on a date.

“So, I have some news to share with you all.”

You and your friends were sitting by the kitchen island with platters of gopchang and gimbap along with a bowl of ox bone soup. Since you were well from your fever, this would be the last night your friends were going to spend at your place. Everyone decided that today’s dinner should be good.

“What news?” Sunwoo asks with food in his mouth.

You say with furrowed eyebrows, “About my thing with Jacob.” Unbeknownst to you, your friends were already aware of what you were referring to.

“Your date with Jacob?”

As he says those words, you squeal before grabbing your phone. Once you open up your conversation with your crush, you hand off your phone to Changmin who is seated beside you. “I can’t believe he asked me out!”

Chanhee sighs and says, “I hate to break it to you, but Sunwoo already told us a few days ago.” With that revelation, you gasp.

“Are you serious, Kim Sunwoo?! I wanted to tell them!” You whine with your arms crossed.

The boy gives you a sheepish smile. “I just wanted to share the good news.” You roll your eyes at his response.

“I’m not going to tell you anything at this rate.”

With a pout on his face, he whines, “No! Don’t keep stuff from me, please.”

Before you could say anything, Changmin hands you your phone. “I’m happy for you,” he whispers with a small smile. You do not think much of his response, but when you notice your other best friends’ eyes on him, you cannot help but overthink.

When he continues to eat his food, the table falls into silence. For once, it was not comfortable at all.

Although you found yourself thinking about his reaction, you told yourself to not get too lost in your thoughts. There is no reason for you to rethink his words when all he has done is be honest with you. And if he was not ready to share something with you, you would be respectful of his boundaries.

Before you could get lost in your thoughts, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N-ah!” As you look in the direction of where that sound came from, you see Yuna in a padded jacket. She stood by her car with a big smile on her face.

Without a thought, you grab onto Changmin’s hand with your free hand and jog to her. “Yuna! I’ve missed you!” You exclaim as you let go of your best friend’s hand and pull her into a hug.

“And I’ve missed you,” she responds as she holds you close to her. “I can’t believe it has been more than three years since I last saw you.”

Once you two let go of each other, she smiles at her brother and grabs onto his arm. “C’mon, give me a hug as well.” Although he rolls his eyes the moment she wraps her arms around him, he allows himself to melt in the hug. You knew how much he missed his sisters even if he would never admit it to them.

As soon as the two stop hugging each other, Yuna claps her hands. “C’mon, let’s get in the car. Eomma has been waiting for you two since the break started.”

As she gets in the driver’s seat, you and Changmin go to the trunk to stow away your luggage. Once you open it, Changmin grabs onto your luggage. “Let me,” he says. Before you could protest, he pulls it away from you and places your luggage neatly before he sets his down beside yours.

You smile at him the moment he closes the trunk. “Thanks.” All he does is smile and nudge your shoulder.

“You can pay me back by doing all my chores.”

“Yah!” As you scowl, all he does is laugh.

“Eomma! Y/N and Changmin are here!” Yuna calls out while she tries to remove her shoes. “You can put your shoes here,” she tells you as she points at the shoe rack. As you and Changmin set your shoes aside, she opens the door for you three. Before she goes off, she says, “I’ll just find eomma.”

When you first step into the Ji household, you notice that everything is almost the same as when you last visited; the walls were still off-white and littered with picture frames of the family throughout the years; the soban is the same one you remember stubbing your toe against during the dinners you were invited to; the aura that emits from being in this household is still as homey as ever.

A rush of nostalgia fills you—your heart aches nicely as you remember your memories in this home. But before you can reminisce, something snarls. Your eyes set on a poodle who runs in your direction, barking non-stop at you.

“Gana!” Your best friend exclaims as he crouches in front of his dog. Although the poodle continues to snarl at you, he only smiles as he holds his dog close to his chest. “I’ve missed you so much.”

You sigh with a frown on your face. “I think Gana forgot about me. He was never this aggressive back when I would visit.”

He only laughs as he continues to shower Gana with love. “I don’t think he ever liked you.” When he says those words, you gasp.

“Well, I don’t like him either!”

“That is a lie and we all know it. You want him to love you as much as he loves me,” he says as pets Gana.

Before you could say anything, you were interrupted by someone’s squeal. “Y/N-ah!” Your eyes rip away from the two and land on Changmin’s mom who is already rushing to you.

“Eomeoni!” You manage to say before she pulls you into a hug.

“What did I tell you about calling me that? Just call me eomma,” she says before letting you go. She pinches your cheeks with a big smile on her face. “Ah, you’ve grown so much since I last saw you.”

It is true. The last time you saw her was when you and Sunwoo graduated from high school. Changmin found time to go back home just in time to celebrate his best friends’ graduation. On that night, your families gathered for dinner to celebrate everything—whether small or big. You could remember that a few weeks later, you and Sunwoo had to pack your bags so that you could move to your apartments situated close to the university.

You smile at her and say, “Eomma, you’re still as young as when I last saw you.” With such flattery, she cannot help but grin at you.

As she lets go of your cheek, she shoots a smile at her son. “Changmin-ah,” she says while walking closer to him. Your best friend lets go of his dog and smiles at her. The moment he hugs her, you cannot help but feel your heart warm at the sight.

“Ah, you’re still as handsome as ever,” she coos, which has him blushing in embarrassment.

With a shy smile on his face, he says, “Eomma, you don’t need to say that in front of Y/N.” All you can do is giggle at your embarrassed friend while his mother ignores his request.

“Y/N-ah,” she says as she lets go of him. “You’ll be sleeping in Changmin’s room while he’ll sleep in the living room.”

Your eyes widen in shock as you attempt to protest. “Eomma, it’s okay! I’ll be fine sleeping in the living room.” She shakes her head as she grabs onto your hand.

“No, I already talked about this with Changmin on the phone. He said it’s fine.” As she reveals that information, you look at your best friend who only smiled at you. With a pout on your face, Changmin’s mom drags you to his room while you hold onto your luggage.

As she opens the door to Changmin’s room, you are met with the same room you stayed after every dismissal time. “I cleaned up a bit, but I didn’t want to mess with Changmin’s things,” his mom admits as you take a step into his room.

Similar to the rest of the household, nothing changed; the single bed that you, Changmin, and Sunwoo would work on was still pressed up against the wall; the black oak bookshelf that held his old books still had the carvings you three would leave every once in a while; the corkboard that hung on the wall still had pictures and tokens throughout his grade school and high school years; the wall mounted shelf that held his trophies and medals. In this room, you could see Changmin in every corner—the one you got to know back in high school and the one who you cared for even until now.

“Changmin might come in every once in a while to get some clothes, but I’ll make sure he respects your privacy.”

You let out a laugh at what she says. “Eomma, it’s okay. I don’t mind him bothering me. If anything, I need to thank him and you for allowing me to stay for the break.”

She gives you another smile and says, “Anytime.” She pinches your cheek once more (to which you smile) and walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.

You leave your hand-carry by the door as you look around the room once more. As you walk to the corkboard littered with photographs, you can spot ones with you and Sunwoo in them. Ranging from competitions to the first days of school, you smile at how much you three have grown through the years—from old uniforms and shabby haircuts to stylish clothing and redefined faces.

As your eyes scan through the other tokens such as ticket stubs and receipts, you spot cutouts of your articles along with his pictures that accompanied yours. Just from the sight, you cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug. You always knew he did this with your past collaborations, but seeing it after a while never fails to make you smile.

Although you try to rest your hand on the desk, your hand ends up hitting the handle of the drawer. You raise your head in pain and hiss at the sudden impact. “Shit,” you mutter to yourself.

Your eyes settle down on the drawer that is now slightly open. You were going to close it—you are not the type to snoop. But when you notice a paper that has the name of your university’s publication at the bottom corner, your hand reaches out to open the drawer further.

You could not believe what you were seeing—it is a cutup of your article on hustle culture in organizations. As your hand grabs onto it, you notice that there are more pieces of paper. While you sift through the cutouts, you realize it is all your articles during your time in the university’s publication.

Throughout your university life, you were always under the impression that Changmin would read your pieces—never keep them like how he did back in high school. And yet to see the stack of cutouts that had your byline had you like ice cream on a hot day. There were no right words to describe what you are feeling now for you did not even understand it. 

Still in shock, you stack them neatly in the drawer before shutting it close. Before you could recollect your thoughts, you hear the door swing open.

“Y/N?” Changmin calls out as his head peeks out. As he notices your shocked expression, he frowns. “Are you okay?”

You quickly show him a smile. “Yeah, I was just looking at the photos,” you lie as you point at the corkboard. “I can’t believe we were so young.”

He chuckles as he steps in, taking in his childhood room. Once he stands beside you, he takes a good look at his corkboard full of memories. “Do you remember when we took this?” With his finger pointing at a certain photograph, you cannot help but smile.

The picture was of you, Changmin, and Sunwoo having a picnic during the winter season—red noses and snowflakes on everyone’s hair. All dressed in padded jackets, you can remember how your fingers were about to fall off from the cold while you three attempted to do some scrapbooking.

“God, why did we even do that?”

Changmin nudges your shoulder. “Because you talked about wanting to go on a picnic before, remember?”

Once you look at him, you notice that he was already smiling at you. “For a date! And it didn’t have to be in the fucking cold,” you say as you roll your eyes.

“Hey, you still enjoyed it!” He exclaims to which you only sigh in defeat. It is true—you can remember how you almost cried over your friends preparing that picnic for you.

You used to be bothered by your uneventful love life (even if you did complain every once in a while). But when you remember what your friends did to remind you of their love for you, you realize that it is not bad to have nothing going on—you always have them to keep you company when you need it.

Before you could say anything, Changmin let out a sigh. “C’mon, we’re about to have dinner.” He grabs your hand before shooting you another smile. “I’m sure everyone wants to know everything about you.” You wish you could pinpoint the reason behind your heartstrings tugging. 

Everyone was gathered around the soban which carried a hearty spread of kimchi, bulgogi, jjajangmyeon, and yukgaejang. The sight of these deliciously prepared dishes had your mouth watering, but the smell of it all is to die for. Aside from the times Changmin has cooked you food when you were sick, you cannot remember the last time you had a homemade meal.

“Please, go eat!” Changmin’s dad says as he hands Changmin the bowl of spicy beef broth.

As you grin at his parents, you do not notice your best friend grabbing your bowl to pour some yukgaejang for you. You cannot help but stare at him as he pours the perfect amount of soup for you to eat.

“Thanks,” you whisper as he hands you back your bowl.

He shoots you a small smile before proceeding to do the same with everyone else. “Yah, that’s too much!” Yuna exclaims, which causes her brother to stop putting any more soup into her bowl. “You know how much Y/N wants but not how much I want?”

“Yuna noona, I don’t see you all the time,” he attempts to defend himself as he pours himself some soup while she berates him.

You wish you could comment—a bowl of soup should not mean that much. And yet, you cannot help but stare down at the bowl that holds the perfect amount for you.

“Hey, let’s not have this happen in front of our guest.” Changmin’s dad tries to break the quarrel. “Come on,” he says as he grabs the bowl of yukgaejang from his son. “I’ll take care of me and your eomma.”

Once Yuna was done grabbing some jjajangmyeon for herself, she passed the bowl to her brother. “What time is unnie and Byungho oppa coming home?” She asks while she places some bulgogi on her plate.

When Changmin grabs the right amount of black bean noodles for you, you give him a shy smile. “You know, you can get yourself some food first. I can handle getting my own.” All he does is shake his head, ignoring your request.

“Both of them should be arriving early in the morning,” Changmin’s dad says before taking a sip of the soup. “Ah, another good meal prepared by eomma.” As he says those words, your best friend’s mom cannot help but smile. You cannot help but smile at the sight of them in love.

After Changmin grabs his serving of jjajangmyeon, he takes the platter of bulgogi and places a few pieces on your plate before his. “Let me know if you ever want more,” he says before handing it off to his parents.

You shoot him a small smile before grabbing onto your bowl. Once you take a sip of the yukgaejang, you cannot help but moan—the spicy beef broth coats your tongue that has you hissing out of joy. “Eomma, it’s so good,” you say before taking another sip of the soup.

Changmin’s mom grins at you and says, “Thank you! Please eat well.”

As you all ate to your hearts’ and bellies’ contents, the Ji family would interview you and Changmin about all that has happened over the years. In the same way you expect to be bombarded with questions every time you visit your parents, you do not get overwhelmed by the interrogation. That is until the spotlight is put on your best friend.

“Changmin-ah, you’re already in your senior year—are you not dating anyone?” His mom asks which has him choking on his soup.

After you pat his back while he coughs, he says, “Eomma, I’ve been busy with school and dance.” As he says those words, his mother frowns.

“But what will happen after you graduate? College is the time to find that perfect someone!”

“Or maybe he’s still hung up on Suyeon,” Yuna snickers before taking a bite of her bulgogi.

Ji Suyeon—the girl from the math honors society that Changmin went on a date with. After he revealed to you and Sunwoo about his first date, you two did not stop interrogating him. What came as a big shock to Sunwoo is that he has gone on multiple dates with her—from dine-and-talks to board game ones.

But the biggest shocker for you is that they were together for a few weeks. When your best friend spoke of his past relationship, he did not hold any ill feelings toward her. The two ended their relationship on mutual terms—their priorities did not line up.

“Hey, I’m not!” Your best friend attempts to defend himself with a frown on his face. “I haven’t even thought about her in years.” Yuna only shrugs before going back to eating.

“Y/N-ah,” Changmin’s mom calls out, which has you looking at her. “You’re always with him. Does no one find him attractive there?”

You scratch the back of your head and manage to say a few words, “Uh, I’m sure people do find him handsome. But I wouldn’t know too much since he hasn’t mentioned anything.” With a sheepish smile on your face, you cannot help but feel your face burn at calling your best friend good-looking right in front of him and his family.

“Eomma,” he whines after taking a sip of his soup. “I’m not interested in anyone right now. If anything, aren’t you happy that I’m focused on my studies?”

She sighs, “But I don’t want you to be lonely. Did you know that your dad and I met in college?”

“Eomma, we know.” Yuna shakes her head as she grabs some more bulgogi. “You always talk about it.”

As soon as Changmin’s mom shoots a look at her husband, he sighs. “Your mom is only looking out for you, okay? She just doesn’t want you to miss out on finding the love of your life.”

Their son sighs at their words. For a moment, you do not know if you should step in and back him up. With your eyes on his side profile, you notice that he is deep in thought. But when he turns his head to face you, you feel yourself crumble under his stare.

“I’m happy with Y/N.” You cannot help but feel your eyes widen. Staring right back at him, you do not know what to make of his words. But he does not allow you to think about it as he chokes out the words, “And with the other friends I have.” He looks back at his family. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out, so no need to worry.”

With a smile on his face, his parents eventually let go of the topic. Although they continue to talk about the other things happening in their lives, you still find your mind pondering on the first half of his words.

It is 10:15 AM. You were in the kitchen helping Changmin’s mom prepare some kimchi for the next month. Although she kept denying your help, you kept insisting by saying that it is only right to help out with anything at home since they allowed you to stay over for the holidays.

“Like this, eomma?” You ask as you show her the cabbage coated in kimchi paste.

She looks at your work and nods. “You’re doing it right! Cover it in more paste and it will be good.” You follow her instructions and continue to coat the other cabbage leaves with the same amount of paste. “How are your parents?”

You look up at her with a small smile on your face. “They’re okay. I called them last night, and they wanted to thank you again for having me over.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” she says as she shakes her head. “I consider you family—whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you.”

You cannot help but smile at her words. It is true—Changmin’s mom has always been there for you and Sunwoo whenever you needed her. Even after Changmin graduated from high school, you two always found themselves in the Ji household. There were cases where your parents could not have dinner with you which meant eating with Changmin’s parents. You are thankful for them—they are your second family.

The sounds of her favorite radio station accompanied you two as you work. While you were focused on preparing the kimchi, you do not notice when someone enters the kitchen. “I thought you’d be more happy to see me.” When you look up, you cannot help but gasp at the person’s presence.

“Hanhee!” You exclaim as you quickly stand up from your seat. As she wraps her arms around you, you try to hug her back while making sure that no kimchi paste gets on her. “I’ve missed you so much.”

As she lets go of you, you see a big smile on her face. “My bestie, I’ve missed you.” You step aside so that her mom could hug her as well.

“My Hanhee,” she says as she gives her daughter a big hug. “Have you settled in already?”

Once Hanhee nods, the three of you take a seat. “So, how are you, Y/N? Is my brother still causing you trouble?” You can only laugh as you coat a cabbage leaf with kimchi paste.

“Well… he’s definitely something,” you speak as you work. “But I’m doing very well. He’s been a big help.” Hanhee hums as she watches you and her mom make some more kimchi. “What about you? How are you?”

She gives you two a smile before saying, “Surprisingly, I’m very happy where I am. Work can be stressful but… at least my fiancé is there to support me.”

“Fiancé?! You and Byungho are engaged?!” As you gasp, Changmin’s mom cannot help but laugh.

“Hanhee and Byungho recently got engaged,” she says as she removes her plastic gloves. “I’ll go get the container while you two talk.” As soon as she leaves the kitchen, Hanhee shoots you a smile.

“I’m so happy for you.”

She lets out a happy sigh. “I know, I can’t believe he proposed. Who would’ve expected that I would marry my best friend?”

As she says those words, your mind cannot help but drift to Changmin. The idea of him all dressed up in a suit as he stands by the—wait, why were you thinking about this? You briefly frown and shake your head at the thought.

“Honestly, you and Byungho are soulmates,” you say with a smile in an attempt to cover up for whatever had you in your thoughts.

She chuckles before asking, “Do you think my brother is your soulmate?” You cannot help but physically reel at her question which has her laughing. “Like, platonic soulmate, you know?”

You bite the inside of your cheek as you ponder her words. Changmin has always been your best friend—the reason why you are able to keep on going. In the same way Byungho and Hanhee support each other, you two always look out for each other. But would it be right to call him your soulmate?

Before you could answer, Yuna and Changmin came into the kitchen. “Hanhee noona,” your best friend says as he hugs his sister. “Where’s Byungho hyung?”

“Already looking for him? Why don’t you spend time with your noona?” Hanhee teases as she keeps her arms wrapped around him.

Yuna takes a seat beside you as she looks at the kimchi. “Wow, Y/N is helping eomma out while Changmin is lounging around.” She clicks her tongue which causes Changmin to frown at her.

“Hey, I didn’t know!” He attempts to defend himself. “Eomma usually doesn’t let me help out when it comes to kimchi.”

Hanhee shakes her head as she finally lets go of her brother. “Look at Y/N doing all that they can to help out while your lazy ass is just spending time with Gana.”

“To be fair, Gana misses me.”

“Gana misses everyone,” Yuna says as she rolls her eyes. “Why don’t you go help out appa and Byungho oppa outside?”

Changmin frowns at you three before saying, “I hate you three.” As soon as he leaves the kitchen, you and his sisters cannot help but laugh.

“It’s always so fun to rile him up,” Hanhee laughs.

“Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things to do every time we come back here.” Yuna smiles at you two. “Anyway, unnie, tell me what has been going on with you!” As the three of you talk about anything and everything, you do not forget about Hanhee’s question. For now, you will shove it to the back of your mind.

The next day comes. You and Changmin were on your way to pick up some food from a restaurant you two used to frequent back in high school. Since his mom had stuff to attend to, everyone agreed that it would be fine to have some takeout for today’s lunch. Although your best friend was supposed to go alone, you thought it would be good to join along (mainly because you wanted to explore the city with him as well).

“God, it still looks the same,” you say as you two were walking with linked arms. As you pass by the old mart you, Sunwoo, and Changmin would go to after school, you cannot help but gasp. “Even the mart is the same!”

Your best friend rolls his eyes over your excited behavior but cannot hide the smile that shows on his lips. “You’ve been gone for two years; I don’t think too much can change.”

“You never know!” You nudge your best friend’s shoulder. “Two years ago, I was still under the impression that Hanhee and Byungho were still girlfriend and boyfriend—not engaged.”

He shakes his head and lets out a sigh. “To be fair, I think we all expected that they would end up marrying each other.��

Before you could say anymore, you two finally arrived in front of the restaurant. The exterior of it still looked the same but old; the paint has chipped off of the letters; the wood’s color resembles sand; the fairy lights did not shine as brightly as they used to. And yet, you cannot help but smile at the place that sheltered your friend group.

As soon as Changmin swings the door open, you attempt to unlink your arm with his so that you could enter first. And yet, he makes sure that his hand still holds onto your arm. You cannot help but feel your heart warm at the action. Your best friend has always been the clingy type, so why are you feeling all of these now?

The moment you two enter, he links his arm once more with yours. The restaurant is small, only having six tables with each one having two chairs of their own. It seemed that there were only five customers in as they ate away on their tteokbokki and ramyeon. The cashier is manned by the one and only person who your friend group has grown close to over the high school years. Once his eyes trail up towards you two, the shock on his face is one for the books.

“Y/N-ah!” Minho, the owner of the restaurant, exclaims as he makes his way towards you. As soon as he reaches you, he wraps his arms around you two. You cannot help but melt in the hug. As soon as he lets go of you two, he looks at the boy who went back to linking arms with you and says, “Of course, Changmin! Oh, you grow even more handsome every time I see you.” Your best friend cannot help but give him a small smile.

“I’ve missed you, harabeoji.” As you pout, Minho cannot help but pinch your cheek.

“We’re here to pick up the food my dad ordered,” Your best friend says as he holds you close to his side.

Minho nods with a smile on his face. “Of course.” He makes his way back to the counter which you two follow. “It’s so nice to see you after so long,” he says as he grabs onto a plastic bag. “I see that time still treats you two well.” As he points at your linked arms, you cannot help but tilt your head in confusion. “I mean, I’m happy to see that you guys are together! I never knew you two liked each other that way.”

As soon as he says those words, your eyes widen. This cannot be happening again—what changed between you and Changmin to come off as a couple to almost everyone? You look at your best friend who stood beside you with a flustered expression.

“Ah no, it’s not like that,” he coughs out before grabbing onto the plastic bag that held containers of tteokbokki.

Once you look at Minho, you notice a disappointed expression on his face. “Oh, I see. But I’m still happy to see you two are still friends!”

Despite his attempt to clear up the awkward air, you cannot deny the unsettling feeling in your stomach. With people questioning the nature of your relationship with Changmin (along with the news of Minhee’s and Byungho’s engagement), you were not sure if what you have with him is platonic as you make it out to be.

It should not matter though. Whatever you have with Changmin is your business—not anyone else’s. What if your best friend always found himself linking arms with you? What if your best friend always takes care of you whenever you are drunk? What if your best friend still keeps newspaper clippings of what you write?

And what if you crave his presence? What if you care so much about what he feels? What if you cherish all of his competitions and wins? What if you did think of Changmin as your soulmate? But none of these should matter—what you two have is perfectly platonic. 

“Well, how long are you two staying here?” Minho snaps you out of your thoughts

With a bitter smile, your best friend says, “We’re only here until the end of this week.”

Minho cannot help but pout at his revelation. “I see,” he sighs. “But it’s still nice to see you, Y/N, especially after all these years.”

You shoot him a smile before saying, “Harabeoji, this might not be the last time I see you.” You take a quick glance at your best friend who seemed to have his eyes on you. “I’m sure Changmin and I can go here once more before we leave.”

“Ah, that’s my Y/N—still as caring as ever.” Your smile gets bigger as he says those words. “Tell your parents I say hi,” he tells your best friend to which he nods.

As soon as you two bid farewell to Minho, you make your way out of the restaurant, arms still linked with each other. Although the silence should have been comfortable, you cannot deny that Minho’s comment had you wondering about your relationship.

When the night comes, you are seated beside Changmin on his futon while Yuna, Hanhee, and Byungho stay on the couch. Changmin’s parents decided to call the day early and went to sleep early. It has been a while since you five last hung out together like this (while still missing Sunwoo).

“Sunwoo is pulling bitches?!” With the way Yuna exclaims, you cannot help but burst into laughter and lean on your best friend while Hanhee smacks her arm.

“Yah! Don’t be too loud when you curse!” The sister scowls before leaning back into the arms of her fiancé. Yuna frowns at her sister as she rubs on the spot where she was smacked. “But I can’t believe our little Sunwoo has grown up.”

You roll your eyes as you rest your chin on your best friend’s shoulder. “Barely,” you mutter, which only has Changmin chuckling. “He is unfortunately still as immature as he was in high school. I don’t know what people see in him.”

“I can only imagine,” Hanhee sighs. “But enough about Sunwoo, what about you? Has anyone stolen your little heart?”

When she raises that question, you cannot help but feel your cheeks get warm. As soon as the two sisters notice your flustered expression, they gasp. “Y/N! What have you been keeping from us?!” Hanhee exclaims, which makes Yuna scowl at her.

“I thought we agreed to not be too loud!”

Hanhee rolls her eyes and says, “Yeah, but that was before I found out that Y/N has a boyfriend!”

You lift your chin from Changmin’s shoulder and shake your head. “It’s not a boyfriend.”

“But it’s still someone, right?” Yuna shows you a teasing smile.

You feel your breath hitch in your throat. Jacob Bae is that supposed someone to you, right? So why could you not find it within yourself to answer the question?

“He’s a 5th-year student who works in the university’s newspaper,” your best friend takes over as he grabs hold of your hand that rests on the space between you two. Your heart warms at the action. “They’ve only gotten closer this year.”

The two sisters hum at the information their brother shares. “A senior, huh? I’m impressed,” Yuna says before looking at Hanhee. “Wasn’t Byungho oppa a senior when you first met him?”

The sister nods as she looks at her fiancé. “Yeah,” she mutters as the two smile at each other.

In that shared moment, your mind wanders off to how nice it would be to be secured in the idea of having an “each other.” Although you have accepted a possible reality where you will be forced to work to the bone, a part of you longed to still have someone who you could go back home to—you wish for a future where there will always be a place of solace curated just for you.

“For your information, your sister and I are only a year apart,” Byungho says as he finally rips his gaze away from Hanhee to look at Yuna. “But yes, I was a senior in high school. Imagine if Hanhee joined the chess club earlier—maybe we could’ve been together for longer.”

“Not even! I used to hate your guts when I first joined,” Hanhee argues despite Byungho’s arms still wrapped around her figure.

The fiancé chuckles before he snuggles his face into the side of her neck. “But we’re here after nine years—isn’t that funny to think about?” And truth be told, it is comical for you all in this room. Who would have imagined that the cocky (but loser) senior wooed the cold-hearted junior?

“God, get a room!” Yuna frowns as she throws a pillow at the two. “Ruined the mood for all of us single people here—aka me and Changmin.”

You pout at her before saying, “I’m also single.”

“Okay, but you have your senior!” She rolls her eyes as she stands up from the couch. “You all suck, I’m going to dip.” Despite everyone’s attempts to keep her from leaving, she retreated to her room as if she was never there.

Hanhee yawns before she looks down at her phone. “It’s only 10:45 PM? God, I am getting old.” Byungho chuckles the moment she sits up straight. As soon as she stands up from the couch, she grabs onto her fiancé’s arm and pulls him up.

“You kids,” she points at you and Changmin. “Do not stay up too late.”

Byungho rolls his eyes before wrapping his arms around her once more. “Don’t tell them what to do—let them enjoy their break to the fullest.” Despite the frown that stays on Hanhee’s face, she melts into his embrace as he drags them out of the room.

And there remained you two—his hand still intertwined with yours as if you were the last thing he could latch onto. The silence that wraps around you two is deafening, but you are scared to even let out a croak. You spend all the minutes second-guessing what should be done only for your best friend to beat you to it.

“I’m sorry, by the way.” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you cannot help but frown at him. “It wasn’t my place to reveal whatever you have going on with Jacob.”

You cannot help but pout before shaking your head in reassurance. “It’s okay. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t know what to say so I’m glad you took over.”

“You want to talk about it?” Once your best friend asks you that question with a bitter smile, every part of you unwraps itself from its shell—defenseless as a cub during the winter time. You would have bottled it up like always, but the late hours of the day held power unlike no other. In these times, you let every sentiment be shared with him.

“I–I don’t know,” you whisper with your eyes staring into the picture frame that rested on the wall—a picture of Changmin who you can only assume to be around five years old as he stood in a park with his baby blue shirt and orange backpack. You move your intertwined hands to your lap. “I thought it would be unfair to still be confused about how I feel towards Jacob, but the first date solidified my previous thoughts.”

You take a brief glance at the boy who sits beside you only to see that his eyes still remain on you. With no reaction from him, you take this as an opportunity to continue. “Is it weird to want him to be my first boyfriend? Even if I don’t know what to feel towards him?” You let your eyes zero in on your best friend whose shoulders seemingly tensed.

A voice within you was begging for him to know the right words to say, but when he whispers “I–I don’t know,” you find yourself lost in the end. Your best friend did not have the answers to every question you could possibly hold, so why did it matter that he had nothing to offer you now?

“I mean, what happened?” He chokes out the question as he moves his hand away from yours to wrap around your shoulder. “Did the date not go well?”

You shake your head as you watch his free hand reach out for your hand once more. In the way he cradles you, you felt all the walls you built collapse. “It went so well—that’s why I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” You look back up at your best friend. “I thought that the date would reaffirm my crush on him. But now, I’m kind of left with more things I don’t understand.”

It is not like you went into this world with everything made crystal clear to you. If anything, life always brought uncertainties. But at this exact moment, you only wish for what is certain—what could that possibly be?

“Hey,” he whispers before bringing your head close to his lips. As he brings your temple to his lips, you cannot help but feel your eyes close at the sensation—his lips on your skin as if it were the only thing that could bring you warmth during a snowstorm.

This should not be happening; you knew that this crossed the boundary of what you two drew during your years of friendship. And yet, you wish it could stay like this—you beg for the universe to let it remain this way.

But just as things should be, his lips leave your temple. The absence has you flutter your eyes open. As he draws circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, he says, “I–I get it, there’s a lot of things you don’t understand right now, but don’t pressure yourself into anything.” He takes a deep breath. “Feelings are weird, so just take your time.”

He repeats the first advice he shared with you the night before his competition. And you have no issue with him saying it again, and again, and again because a part of you needed to come to terms with something you kept avoiding—what were you avoiding?

You cannot help but let out a chuckle as your eyes shut close. What would it take for you to be sure of something? Why could you not find yourself jumping head-first with the boy you have fantasized about for years? All these questions and no one could answer but you and the universe.

With eyes still closed, you sigh, “These feelings are going to end up being the reason why I don’t end up getting into a relationship.” Your best friend cannot help but chuckle as he continues his ministrations. “I just,” your eyes open and look down to his hand that wraps around yours. “I look at Minhee and Byungho and your parents, and I beg that I am lucky to have that.”

“And you will have that—it just takes time,” your best friend whispers into your hair. “It took them time.”

You let out a chuckle, and you do not think of the next words that leave your mouth. “God, if we’re still single when we’re thirty, let’s just get married.”

As soon as Changmin stops drawing circles on the back of your hand, that is when you are hit with the reality of what your words meant. What do you mean by getting married at the age of thirty? Why would you even think of getting married to your best friend in the first place?

And you almost blurt out an excuse, until he lets out a chuckle. “When I’m thirty or when you’re thirty?” Warmth occupies every space in your body—it is as if the sun has taken over the snowstorm.

“Maybe when I’m thirty.” You giggle before taking a look at your best friend who seemed to always have his eyes on you. “I might be able to find someone before I turn that age, so I can’t just marry you when I’m twenty-eight.”

He hums before he lets his eyes drift down to your linked hands. “Says the person who doesn’t even know how to feel about their crush liking them back.” As soon as the words drift out of his mouth, you cannot help but gasp.

“Hey!” You exclaim as you use your free hand to smack his arm. While he erupts into laughter, you roll your eyes. “Can’t believe you’re using that against me right now.”

His arm is still wrapped around your shoulders while his free hand still holds yours. You let yourself melt into his embrace before letting out a sigh. Once your head found its spot in the space between his head and shoulder, his chin ever so slightly rests on top of yours.

Nothing needs to be said—the silence that settles is just as comforting as the usual ones you two share. The snow falls; crystals form on the window panes; the night has grown chiller than ever. But you are glad that in the cold, you will always find warmth.

It is 2:26 PM when you and Changmin’s sisters come back home. The three of you decided to spend the day at the mall by yourselves, away from everyone else. In Yuna’s defense, she said that you three needed to have your own hangout without any interference. You had no complaints though—you love the sisters and their company (even more than you like spending time with Changmin).

You shook the snow off your hair as you three stepped into the warm Ji household. While you attempt to remove your shoes, Hanhee sniffles. “God, that was fun! It brings me back to old times.”

“I know, right?” Yuna sighs happily as she sets her shoes aside. She grabs everyone a pair of slippers and hands her sister her pair.

Before she can hand you one, she notices you still struggling to remove your shoes. “Come on,” she says as she reaches her hand out. “You can hand me the gift. I won’t do anything to ruin it.” You roll your eyes as you hand off the plastic bag.

A giggle leaves Hanhee’s mouth as you crouch down to undo the laces. “I’m just saying, I didn’t know you think about him that much—let alone at all.”

“I just thought he would like it,” you shyly admit as you finally get one shoe off. While you work on the other shoe, you say, “I knew he would get upset if I didn’t buy it for him.”

During your time at the mall, your mind was always on a singular thought—a person. In your time shopping with Hanhee and Yuna, you were always looking at items that a particular someone would like; chestnut keychains; small figurines from horror movies; plushies that resembled his pet poodle. You never realized it though, until the sisters had pointed it out for you.

“Since when did you like horror movies?” Your shoulders shoot up at the sudden question. You turn in panic to see Yuna frowning in confusion.

“H-huh? Oh, I don’t,” you say before pointing at the red-faced demon from Insidious. “I just know that Changmin likes the franchise, so I was figuring out whether or not to get it for him. But he doesn’t even collect to begin with.”

“Is that why you were also looking at the stuffed toy a while ago? The one that looks like our dog?” As she asks that question, you raise your eyebrows in shock. You did not know that they noticed you looking through the section that held a variety of animal plushies. Before you could ask, she squints her eyes in suspicion. “You know, I didn’t know you thought about my brother so much.”

“Huh? No, I don’t.” You reel back at her words. “I just know that he would be upset if I didn’t bring him back anything.”

Yuna hums as she continues to stare you down. “I mean, we’re bringing back hotteok for the whole family.”

Before she could say more, Hanhee comes in with a basket full of chocolates hanging off her arms. “Okay, I got what I needed! What about you guys?” Although you nod, there was a battle happening within you—you could not decide what to bring back home for your best friend.

“Just buy the plushie that looks like Gana,” Yuna suggests, which has you snapping out of your thoughts. “I’m sure Changmin would appreciate it since he always misses Gana whenever he leaves Cheongju.”

While Hanhee shoots a confused look at her sister, you let out a sigh before smiling. “Thank you.” While you were making your way back to where the plushies were, Yuna shared her observations with her older sister who could only gasp at the newfound information.

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” Hanhee hums as soon as you finally get your other shoe out. As soon as you set your shoes aside, you grab the slippers and plastic bag from Yuna with a small pout on your face.

You know that if you do not clear it up now, they will go on with their assumptions. With that, you let out a sigh. “It’s not like that,” you start. “I was just thinking that he would appreciate the gift. Also, he let me stay with you guys for the break.” A small smile takes over your face as you look down at the plastic bag.

Once you look back up at the two, you notice their smug expressions. “Whatever, let’s go in. The hotteok will get cold,” Yuna says before opening the door.

As soon as you three step in with slippers on your feet, you are greeted by Byungho whose hair is wet. “Oh, you three are back!” He gives Hanhee a peck on the lips which only has her smile.

“How was helping out appa in the garden?”

Byungho shrugs at Yuna as he wraps his arm around Hanhee’s waist. “Not bad.” But when Yuna raises her eyebrow in confusion, he finds himself fessing up. “Fine, it was hard. I didn’t know shoveling out snow took so much energy and time.”

Hanhee cannot help but shake her head. “Here,” she hands him the box of hotteok. “We thought of bringing back the family something.”

He smiles before unwrapping his arm around her. As he holds the box in his two hands, he says, “Eomma and appa are out to visit the neighbors, so I’ll make sure to save them some.”

“What about Changmin?”

The three look at you the moment you ask that question, only to see you fiddling with the plastic bag. “He’s napping,” Byungho says with a small smile.

You give him a nod before making your way to the living room. On the futon, you spot your best friend whose eyes were closed as he held his dog close to him. The two snore softly—almost as if they had nothing to worry about.

With a small smile on your face, you unzip your padded jacket and remove it before taking a seat on the wooden floor. Right where you sat, your face hovers over him. At this moment, you only realize now that Changmin has grown up since you first got to know him.

His features are the same yet different; his chestnut hair that is sprawled against the pillow is groomed better than his tacky haircut back in high school; the baby fat he used to have in his cheeks has almost vanished; his jaw is more defined than you first remember it to be.

But past all these changes, he is still the boy you worked with in your high school’s publication team; the one who manages to rile you up on the days you do not want your patience to be tested; the guy who has taken care of you after every party; the best friend who has permanently carved his place in your life.

As you continue to look at his sleeping figure while his sisters and Byungho continue to chatter away in the kitchen, you cannot help but feel your heart warm at the sight. The smile that shows on your lips is undeniable—anyone who could see you right now would misunderstand.

But the voice in the back of your head almost begs that everyone would misinterpret it all—god, what were you even thinking? How could you even think of such nonsense? And yet, you only push those questions further back in your mind. All you care about at that moment is him—not you.

When your hand reaches out to swoop away the hair that rests near his eyes, you notice how he frowns at the sudden sensation. You hold back a giggle and retract your hand. When you set the plastic bag down on the floor, it rustles. And before you know it, Gana’s eyes start to open.

The moment he sees you, he snarls and jumps out of your best friend’s grasp. The sudden action causes Changmin to slowly wake up from his nap. Upon hearing the barking, he quickly sits up only to see you in cahoots—your face is all scrunched up as you try to hold his dog back from chewing you up.

“Oh my god, Gana!” He exclaims as he quickly grabs his dog from your hands. Although his pet continues to snarl at you, he pets him in hopes that he will calm down.

“Gana hates me.” His eyes trail up only to see you shaking your head. “He’s so defensive when it comes to you.”

Your best friend cannot help but chuckle as he tries to distract his dog from your presence. With just a few more pats, Gana started to slowly calm down. “When did you guys get back?”

With how groggy he sounds, you cannot help but giggle. “Just a few minutes ago,” you start as you fold your padded jacket. “We have hotteok in the kitchen if you want.”

All he does is hum before kissing Gana’s head. “Go to Yuna noona, okay?” He talks in a baby-like voice and nuzzles his face once more into Gana’s head. Somehow, his pet poodle understood and ran off to the kitchen, leaving you two alone.

Your best friend’s eyes zero in on the plastic bag that settles on the floor. “What’s that?” With a small smile, you grab onto it.

“Well, when we were going shopping, I stumbled upon something that you might like,” you start as you twirl the bag around. “It was either this or some small figurine from Insidious.” Once you hand it to Changmin, he cannot help but frown in confusion.

As his hand reaches into the bag, his fingers graze against something soft. His frown gets deeper and you can only laugh. Once he pulls out the item, his eyes land on a brown stuffed toy—one that resembles Gana in almost every way possible. His mouth parts open as he spins the toy around to admire it.

“I know that whenever you leave Cheongju, you always find yourself missing Gana. So when I spotted this, I thought of buying it for you—just so that this can at least make up for his absence.” With his eyes still on the toy, you do not know if you should anymore. You take a deep breath before saying, “I also thought that it would be a good way to thank you. I mean, you let me crash your winter break.”

As soon as his eyes drift away from the plushie and then towards you, you let out a shy chuckle. “You know I just–”

And before you know it, he wraps his arms around your shoulders and brings you into that all-knowing warm embrace. You feel your breath hitch in your throat as he holds you close, but you remember that it is just him who has the privilege of holding you this close.

It is only a few seconds later that he realizes he has hugged you without you initiating it. Out of all people, he knew fully well that you were often uncomfortable during these situations. But before he can unwrap his arms around you, your arms wrap around his waist and hold him as close as you could.

The moment he feels you ease into the embrace makes him smile. “Thank you,” he whispers into your shoulder before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. As you feel his slow and steady breath on the right side of your neck, you cannot help but close your eyes.

You and Changmin knew each other in every way possible—in every aspect you two willingly shared. Every left shoe had to come with a right one; rain is followed with sunshine; linked arms always came with bruised hearts—there is no other way to capture you two.

It is 7:42 PM. Tomorrow, you and Changmin have to go back to your apartments since the second semester will commence three days from now. The time you spent in the Ji household is unlike no other—you hope you can visit again during the upcoming breaks. You did not want to say goodbye to it all; the home-cooked meals Changmin’s mom provided; the spicy tteokbokki Minho always prepared for you only; the town that you grew up in.

“I don’t want to go back tomorrow,” you whine as you stand in the kitchen while holding a cup of jujube tea that Hanhee prepared for you. “I just want to stay in Cheongju with you guys.”

The weather is still cold as ever; the crystals on the window panes have grown frustrating to look at; the snow that piles on the lawn is immovable; the idea of walking out of the house is unimaginable.

Yuna laughs while leaning on the kitchen counter before taking a sip of her tea. “You know we won’t be here either, right? You’ll be staying with our parents.”

“I don’t mind.”

The sisters shake their heads with smiles on their faces. “I’m sure our parents wouldn’t mind either, but you have to continue with your studies,” says Hanhee.

With a frown on your face, you retort, “Well, I could still drop out.”

She crosses her arms as she raises her eyebrows at you. “Okay, and you’ll do what?”

“Well,” you pause as you take a moment to think. You scrambled for ideas, only to blubber them out without a second thought.

“I could work with your dad with gardening stuff!”

Yuna scoffs, “You can’t even take care of plants.”

“Well, Minho would most definitely offer me a job at his restaurant.”

“Minho is not looking to hire someone,” Hanhee counters.

You scratch the back of your neck. “I’m sure someone will need me here.”

“And your parents will scold you for not continuing your education. Do you want that?” The moment Yuna asks you that has you pouting.

“I was just kidding,” you whisper before taking another sip of your tea.

The sister lets out a sigh before saying, “We know that. You know, just enjoy your college years! You’re only in your second year anyway.” While she shoots you a smile, you cannot help but frown. “I know, university is hard. I’ve gone through it all, but I would much prefer undergoing those years, again and again, rather than facing what adulthood has forced upon me.”

As soon as Yuna looks at her sister, Hanhee takes it as a sign to continue the thought. “Yeah, it’s not fun working an 8-5 hour desk job while having to worry about taxes or groceries.” When she thinks of more things to complain about, you notice the way she almost physically reels at the thought. “Jesus, I hate being a working adult. I realized I need to pay my statement to the bank every month and work ungodly hours to provide barely for me and Byungho.”

The moment your expression shifts from its frown to a terrified one, Yuna decides to cut her sister off. “Okay, let’s not scare Y/N too much,” she chuckles as she sets her cup on the counter. “Adulthood is scary, but you’ll get through it. Yeah, fuck having to pay bills or balancing chores all while working how many hours. But trust me, you will manage.”

Although Yuna attempts to ease your anxieties, you feel the floor swallow you whole. All the times you said you felt secure in your future—lies. It is always about deluding yourself into being okay with everything, but the reality is that you are dreading every second that passes.

“Oh my god, Y/N!” Hanhee snaps her fingers to get you out of your thoughts. When your eyes settle on her, you notice the small reassuring smile that rests on her lips. “I promise, you’ll be okay.” She walks to you and wraps her arm around you. “Most especially if you have someone to lean on throughout the journey.”

As she says those words, you frown. “What are you trying to insinuate?”

“Me?” She laughs as she drops her arm from your shoulders. “I’m not insinuating anything… unless you are?”

Everyone in the kitchen knew what her words entailed, and you did not want to acknowledge whatever they speculated about your feelings. You have full control over what you feel—you are not going to allow others’ opinions to influence you.

You roll your eyes before finishing the remnants of your tea. “Whatever,” you mutter as you wash the cup. “There’s nothing going on.” Once you set it aside to dry, you spin around to see the two raise their eyebrows at you.

“Whatever, we’ll leave you to your loverboy.” The moment Yuna says that makes you gasp, making your eyes face towards the living room where Changmin is busy playing with Gana.

“You can’t say that out loud!” You scold her as quietly as possible.

The sisters burst into giggles before taking their cups of tea in their hands. “We’re going to our rooms. You two have fun.” They do not attempt to listen to your protests as they make their way out of the kitchen. Now, you are left on your own while your friends think whatever they want to think.

As you let out a sigh, you allow your feet to take you to the living room. Upon entering, your eyes land on your best friend who sat in front of his dog while holding up the plushie you got him. His eyes hold every possible star in the universe as he plays with his one and only.

“Gana! Look at this, it’s you!” Changmin coos at his dog who only stares up at him in confusion. Although he shakes the toy at him, Gana stays stuck in place as he tilts his head.

Before you know it, you let out a chuckle at the sight. As your best friend turns his head towards you, he shoots you a grin—one that has been permanently stamped into your memories only for you to remember.

Once he diverts his attention from his pet, the dog cannot help but bark at him. He lets out a sigh before dropping the plushie and wrapping his arms around Gana. “You are so needy, you know that? Just like Y/N over there.” The moment he points at you makes you gasp.

“I am not needy.” Despite your attempt to defend yourself, your best friend only rolls his eyes.

“I’ve known you for five years. You are needy, even needier than Sunwoo,” he says, which only has you frowning. As he sees your expression shift, he cannot help but laugh. “C’mon, sit with me.”

When he says those words, the poodle in his arms starts to growl. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you say as you look back at the dog who has his eyes on you.

Despite Gana’s behavior, Changmin shakes his head before saying, “Trust me, just sit down.” With his pleading eyes staring right at you, you felt helpless to his requests. Even if a dog were to bite your hand off, you wanted to follow his requests. And somehow, you found yourself taking a seat on the floor right beside him.

Gana starts to bark which only makes you put some distance between you and Changmin. However, as your best friend starts to stroke the dog’s fur, you notice the way Gana starts to calm down.

“What we’re going to do today is get Gana used to you.” As the words leave his mouth, you look at him with wide eyes. Upon seeing your reaction, he cannot help but chuckle. “It is possible. You see the bag of treats on the coffee table?” You turn your head to spot what he was talking about. “Just get some—he’s usually weak to treats.”

You shoot him an unsure look, almost betting every poker chip that this would not go well. But when he shows you his reassuring smile, you feel all resolve crumble just like that. As your hand reaches out into the bag, you grab a small handful of dog treats.

“Okay, keep your hand closed first,” he says as soon as you bring your hand out. “Place it near Gana’s snout and he’ll smell the treats.” You follow his instructions, allowing the defensive dog to place his nose near your hand.

As soon as Gana gets a whiff of the dog treats, he continues to smell your hand. “Okay, you can open it now.” And as you follow his instructions, the poodle starts to eat the treats out of your hand. You cannot hide the shocked expression on your face. “See, he’ll start warming up to you.” Your eyes snap back up at Changmin who was smiling at his dog getting along with his best friend.

Since you first arrived at the Ji household, Gana has always remained hostile against you. And just after following your best friend’s instructions, the poodle was slowly getting used to you. You knew that Gana’s assertive nature only came from a place of wanting to protect his owner—who would not want to protect a boy like him?

This continued for a few more rounds until Changmin felt like that was enough treats for Gana to trust you. “Okay, let him sniff your hand once more.” As you follow his orders, his dog sniffs your skin. “Now, you can pet him.”

“Are you sure?” You ask as your eyes snap back up to him.

When you are only met with a nod, your eyes fall back on Gana who continues to sniff you. Once your hand raises from its position, you notice how his eyes follow it. The moment you find your hand stroking on the fur that rested on his back is almost as magical for everyone—the way Gana finds himself enjoying your touch is something you do not expect.

“Oh my god, he’s back to liking me again,” you whisper which has your best friend giggling.

Nothing needed to be said at that moment—the silence that falls on you three is comfortable. Your eyes always found themselves flickering between your best friend and his dog who only seemed to care about each other’s comfort. You do not miss the way Changmin smiles over how Gana closes his eyes at the sensation.

Seeing him like this—all soft and playful with someone he adores—tugs on your heartstrings. In your years of knowing him, you always knew of his soft spot for his dog. But something about this particular moment made it different. As your eyes zero in on the guy who sits next to you, you start to see every memory play out.

The first time you see him in your high school’s club room is almost an experience you will never forget. With the ways your hands clammed up at the sight of the intimidating boy, you can remember every thought running through your mind—the most memorable one being “resign from the newspaper team.” Can you believe it took you two being forced to work together that started your friendship?

You do not forget about all the times he came to you with a grin plastered on his face while he held the latest broadsheet that held your bylines together. With every article published, he never fails to mention how proud he is of you.

And with every dance competition you watch, you always see Changmin and Sunwoo achieve even higher than what their dreams set them up for. For every medal and trophy won, you never forget to tell the two how happy you are to have them as your best friends.

When Changmin’s graduation came, you will never forget the tears that streamed down yours and Sunwoo’s faces. Even on his special day, his two best friends could not help but be crybabies. You do not forget about the way he wiped the tears away with a smile that only provided you more comfort than words ever could.

On the day you and Sunwoo graduated, you can never forget how you two leaped at the sight of Changmin back in Cheongju. His arms wrapped around you two as if you were the last things on earth he could hold onto. That day only ended on a high note—one that you can hope to chase.

And when you first entered university and got accepted into the publication team, you will never forget how his expression shifted into genuine joy. The words he told you on that day are some you will never forget: “Every day, you are destined for greatness.”

With every lunch, you never forget how you find your heart leaping at the sight of him waiting outside of your classroom. In the same way you wait for him after class, you notice how his expression shifts from exhaustion to happiness. He never forgets to link arms with you every time you make your way to the picnic table you two consider your hideout.

The moment you share about your crush on the unattainable senior in your staff only had him laughing. And yet, he still indulged in your love-drunk rambles (even if nothing happened between you two). He never rained on your love train for all he seemed to care about is that you tell him everything.

When you bring Chanhee into your friend group, you do not forget how he connected with your two childhood best friends in an instant. The addition of Chanhee into your group of three made sense—you would not be the people you are today if someone were to be removed.

And at every party, Changmin always took care of you in your intoxicated state. Every time you needed to puke your guts out or desperately needed to drink water, he was always there to keep you company—to hold back your hair or bring you enough water that would help in sobering you up.

With every sentimental talk you two share, you never fail to see his attentive eyes on you—the way he holds onto your hand whenever you find yourself being vulnerable with him has become an ingrained action of his. And with every time you like to downplay every issue you face, he is always there to remind you of what you seemingly deserve.

Everywhere he goes, he brings warmth—one that you never feel from anyone else. Just from his existence, you always find yourself thanking the universe for bringing him to you. Because even if he loved to make fun of you in every way possible, you knew that it all came from a place of care—a place of love.

And just like that, you feel the crushing weight on your heart lifted. The moment of clarity finally pushed you to open your arms to what you had been tiptoeing around.

Oh.

Oh.

It is not as scary as you made it out to be. “I think I like you.” You do not realize the words you whisper under your breath without any second thought. It is soft just like how water slowly trickles down a faucet. But even the droplet sounds are ones you never want to hear on a quiet night.

You clear your throat loudly in hopes that it would cover up what you slipped out. “God, are you okay?” Your best friend asks as soon as your hand retreats from petting Gana.

With you shaking your head, you say, “Yeah! I think it’s just the cold weather getting to me.” You push yourself off the floor so that you can stand up. “I think I’ll just stay in my room and pack up for tomorrow.” Although his eyebrows furrow at your odd behavior, you do not allow him to say anything as you quickly make your way out of the living room.

On your way back to the room, you could only mentally scold yourself for coming to such a revelation—for even whispering such words without any second thought. You can only hope that your words were not heard by him. And while you found yourself panicking over the moment that occurred only minutes ago, your best friend was having an internal debate on whether he heard you say the words he has been dreaming of.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this and part one!

[scentofpines]

tomorrow uni starts again and surprise! i'm terrified. i start archaeology this semester and tomorrow i only have one welcome event so it won't take very long but i'm scared that i will be alone again while, through some sort of magic, everyone else becomes friends instantly. or like it happened a bunch of times in my previous courses, i come into the room that is supposed to be filled with ppl that dont know each other and still everyone is basically part of a group already, happily chatting, except for me. and then i feel like the little girl again that no one played with lmao. i literally cry when i think about it too much, i have to hold back tears a lot when i'm on the train on my way to uni, because my inner child is apparently not very healed lol. at least i dont cry in the situation itself, because i'm so stressed and tense that i cant show emotions like that. i tried to make myself really approachable the last year and be very friendly (while still trying to be myself) and still ppl seem to clock from a mile away that there's something wrong with me. and also i feel like ppl (esp. my age) just refuse to put any kind of effort into conversations both on whatsapp and irl. like i was looked at as if i had grown a second head just for saying hello to someone, girl just say hi back wtf. and then the rest of this week (and the rest of the semester will be the same) will be hard af too for me. i'm so tired of feeling like this and i do just try to be myself but i can't bc i have to mask so hard, otherwise i would just stare at the ground with a blank expression and look like a psycho bc once i get there i'm already completely overstimulated and zoned out i fucking hate that these things are so hard for me

[sopiloveshobi]

Picture

What happens when you cover for your best friend in front of her family? Eventually smut, +18 please proceed with caution. Can be found on my AO3 as well. 10k words. Hope you enjoy. 48 days till sunshine is back!

Min Jee and you. Two best friends since the both of you remember. You started hanging out probably around primary school, went to the same secondary school. For the past two years you were both attending the same Uni, doing different courses. Most of the days your classes started and ended around the same time so it wasn’t a problem for you to continue being inseparable. You didn’t have any other close friends, it was always just the two of you.

Your families were on somewhat friendly terms. Each side knew that their child will be fed and safe and taken care of and that kind of trust continued over the years between the two families. You were really friendly with Min Jee’s parents, especially with her mum. They were both so similar, you found it really easy to discuss things with her or ask for advice. You were also quite friendly with Min Jee’s older brother, Hoseok. He was few years older than you and was always on your side. Both of your sides. He was the best older brother you could ever ask for, even though you were an only child. He would always cover for the two of you, he would pick you up from places, parties, dates when they didn’t go as planned. He would drive you to places and even take you shopping at times. He was kind. Very kind and very warm. You were always jealous that Min Jee could count on him so much. So could you actually. There were numerous occasions  were you were picked up by Hoseok in his car from a shitty date or a party on which Min Jee didn’t wasn’t allowed to go. He would drive you home if you needed to go back after staying up late In his sister room. It wasn’t unusual for him to help you and take care of you like that.

Hoseok had a friend group, and together they made seven. You met them on some occasions but they rarely hung out at Min Jees house anyway. Although it must have been often enough because now that the two of you were at university and attended a lot of different parties one of her brothers friends started being interested in Min Jee. Kim Seokjin, the oldest of the group. If he ever was on the party that the two of you went, he would always mingle around came to say hi and sometimes you would catch them on a balcony, completely on their own, chatting the night away. There was absolutely no way that Hoseok could find out. He was extremely overprotective over his sister, especially in the dating department. None of his friends met his stupid standards and weren’t good enough to date his little sister. Well at least that’s what he thought because it seemed like both Min Jee and Seokjin were slowly falling for each other. They never went on an official date because of that reason but they did meet quite frequently and at the start you believed that they were coincidences but after a while you realised it was pre planned to look like a coincidence.

‘Please, please! Do this for me. All you have to do is come here and hang out for a bit and then I will text you, or won’t doesn’t matter and you will say you’re joining me at this party. But in reality you will just go back home’ Min Jees had genius plan on how to stay the night at Seokjins, without raising any suspicions.

‘And what if your brother will want to give me a ride? Where will he drive me, to mine?!’ you chuckled at the entire idea. ‘You know he will sniff my lie right away, he’s not your parents’ you added.

‘What if I will have Seokjin call him and you will be able to just leave?’ she wouldn’t give up. This girl was evil.

‘Okay okay, I will try! Will the key by under the frog as usually?’ you asked and she nodded.

‘Does that mean you’re saying yes?’ Min Jee got up from your bed and started running across the room to you.

‘Yes, I’m saying yes. Who else will do this for you? Just use condoms I beg you, I am too young to be an aunt’ you rolled your eyes and opened your arms to hug her.

‘Yes mum!’ she pretended to salute you, smiling brightly.

‘Right, when is the d-day?’ you asked and pulled her away from yourself.

‘Tomorrow night! Speaking of I need to go and pick up few things from the shop on the way home, I better get going..’ she picked up her backpack from your rooms floor and shoved books that you were using only few minutes ago back inside.

‘What time do you need me to come around to yours to make it believable then?’ you wanted to make sure all the details of you evil plan were discussed ahead of time.

‘I want to say about 5? You can say that I still have classes and promised to meet you at mine to get ready for a party. That should do it’ she nodded, waved at you and disappeared behind your door. ‘I will text you’ she shouted from the distance and was gone.

***

You finished your classes and as promised you have started going towards the Jungs house. You weren’t in the hurry, at the end of the day you were literally about to sit in their kitchen for few hours to then be stood up by their daughter and leave to meet her at a party. So you decided to walk, at least from the station to their home. Sometimes you would get ride from Hoseok, but today was definitely not the time to ask him for a lift to HIS house.

It took you about thirty minutes to get there, however about half way there it started raining. Very lightly at first but the rain got heavier as you kept walking. By the time you reached your best friends house, you were half soaked. Only half though, only the top layer of your clothes were actually wet. You gotten to the house and climbed the three steps to their porch. Roofless porch. You grabbed the statue of the frog, lifted it up and there was no key. Fuck. Now what? You thought to yourself. The whole plan goes to shit with this stupid frog. You couldn’t let her down and because you were already wet, it was way past 5 someone should be home soon. You sat on the top stair and just accepted your fate and the rain. You hair was now completely wet and you started feeling water going inside your shoes. Luckily not that long after you hear the sound of an engine and Hoseoks car shows up on the driveway. He looked out of the window and saw you sitting there soaked through so he rushed out and went to the door.

‘What are you doing here? Why aren’t you inside?’ he asked like it was a natural course of the day, that you would use the key from under the frog and let yourself in.

‘Because the fucking frog didn’t have my key’ you pointed at the poor statue like it was it’s fault that some took the key.

‘Ah, I completely forgot. Mum took the key to cut a new one and actually give you your own one’ he said looking at that frog and slapped his forehead when he remember where the key went. ‘Anyway, lets get you inside. You are all soaked!’ he was so warm, so caring. He let you go ahead. You walked inside and left your backpack at the door and your soaked shoes. Your socks had some water inside as well so you were hoping you won’t make too much of a mess. And then you sneezed. Hoseok was on his way to the kitchen but as you made noise he froze and turned around with a drilling look on his face.

‘Excuse me’ you added looking at him with an apologetic expression.

‘Oh you’re totally going to be ill aren’t you? Let’s get you a hot bath’ he turned around and run upstairs right away. How thoughtful. He closed the drain in the tub and started running hot water. You slowly made your way upstairs and poked your head at the bathrooms door.

‘Come in, towel is on this hanger here for you’ he pointed with his finger ‘And em, when you get undressed please leave the clothes by the door so I can run them in a tumble dryer for you okay?’ you could tell he was maturing so fast. He was so thoughtful and welcoming.

‘Sure, thanks a lot’ you answered with a really apologetic look on your face. You really didn’t want to bother him that much but all of this didn’t have him ask you about his sister so at least he plan was going well.

‘I will make some ramyeon, it will be waiting downstairs’ he added and closed the door behind him. It wasn’t unusual. None of this. Maybe apart from the part that you were actually have a warm bath in their house but you stayed over night multiple times before, you had hundreds of dinners and breakfasts downstairs.

You slowly lowered yourself into the bath and left your soaked clothes at the door just as he instructed. The water was so warm and welcoming and you already started feeling better. Not long after you finally got yourself fully immersed into the water, a quiet knock on the door.

‘I will just grab the clothes okay? I won’t look’ he added and literally only reached with his arm through the tiniest gap in the door and shut it behind him again. You chuckled as it wasn’t that big of a deal for you but he was so polite and respectful. And warm. Hold on, since when did you not care that he might see you naked?

You sat in the bath for a while and when the water started getting colder, you got out and wrapped yourself in the towel that Hoseok kindly left for you. Now, your clothes were gone and you were definitely not going out in just the towel, it was way too short. Then on the hook right next to the one you just took your towel off was a pair of jogging bottoms and a stretched white t-shirt. You thought it might be Min Jees but when you put it on you realised it was Hobis. Well better than the towel. You have cleaned the bathroom after yourself and opened the door to let the steam out. Holding the towel in one of you hands you made your way downstairs, trying to dry your hair.

Hoseok was done making ramyeon and left it with his mums made sides on the table and was about to go upstairs to his room. He looked up to the staircase and then he saw you. In his clothes. Puffy red cheeks, wet hair falling down on his white t-shirt, his jogging bottoms slightly sliding down from your hips and the look in your eyes. He stopped breathing for a second. What the hell is this shit show? Why is his little sisters best friend turned hot in the span of few minutes? He felt a tingle in his trousers and he felt like his ears started turning red. He realised he was staring for a second so he coughed loudly and you realised how close he was.

‘Thanks for that. Oh, this. I’m sorry, you didn’t really bring my clothes back and the towel was really short so I just grabbed what was at hand. I hope you don’t mind? I will take it home and clean it’ you quickly explained yourself wearing his clothes but he seemed absent. ‘Hoseok?’ you waved at his face and then he started blinking again, like his brain needed a restart.

‘Ah yeah that, don’t worry about it. Your food is on the table’ he pointed back at the dining room, which you knew where it was anyway. He moved swiftly next to you and went upstairs and loudly shut door to his room. That was odd. He would always sit with you and ask you about yours classes and parties planned for the weekend. But now? Nothing?

He walked into his room, shut the door and held his head. Walking there and back for a while he couldn’t control himself all of a sudden. You drove him mad with this one picture of yourself. With this very one sight and him laying his eyes on you he couldn’t think of anything else. He took his phone out and furiously texted his best friend ‘Joon I lost my mind, please help me come back to my senses’ he sent the text and his phone chimed very soon after he sent the message ‘What do you mean?’ was the response he received. ‘Min Jees best friend is in my house’ he sent it back. So? Nothing new right? It wasn’t anything out of ordinary and that’s why Namjoon was really confused. ‘What do you mean, she stays like 5 times a week anyway’ he answered. ‘She’s hot’ Hoseok responded without playing around the bush anymore. He typed another messaged before Namjoon was able to respond ‘And we are all alone here’. He popped his phone on his bed and sat at his desk.

In the meantime you were slurping on the ramyeon made by Hobi good few minutes before. Your hair started drying and you realised your phone is still in your backpack. You stopped eating and went to the door to grab your phone. Pulled it out and walked back to the table, grabbed the plastic bowl and sat yourself on the sofa.

‘Since when do you think she’s hot?’ Namjoon answered the text and then decided to just call Hoseok instead of playing chase.

‘What the fuck man?’ Hoseok picked up and that was the first question that Joon had on top of his tongue.

‘She is wearing my clothes, wet hair, all pink cheeks. I don’t know what to do!’ he was going crazy, he couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t take that picture from infront of his eyes.

‘You better do nothing. You treated the girl like your sister for years, you can’t just change and use her trust like this’ it was a good advice. He couldn’t. he shouldn’t. You felt comfortable enough to come around on your own and stay because of your relationship with him and his sister. He couldn’t betray that. ‘Now go downstairs and act civil’ and he hung up on him. He threw his phone his bed and shut the door behind him. Took the stairs down and found you on the sofa. Slight less wet but still messy hair, still rosy cheeks and his clothes on you as you were slurping noodles from the bowl on the sofa. He sat next to you and just observed and every time you would look at him, he would smile wider and wider. You were beautiful. He never noticed, but you were just so pretty. Maybe because he knew you for so long since you were kids and you never looked at you this way but today. Today you were perfect in his eyes. Gorgeous eyes, pretty nose and the cute smile he would kill for. But he couldn’t do anything about it so the first thing that came to mind was the very thing that was connecting the two of you. Min Jee.

‘Where is my sister?’ he finally asked you after the staring contest the two of you had.

‘She had few more classes than I did today and wanted me to come hang before we leave for the evening’ you were trying to sound super casual, like there wasn’t any hidden agenda or lie behind all of this. After you said that it didn’t really sit with you right though. You didn’t like lying to him. He was the only guy who you always told the full truth and he could handle it and take care of the consequences of your actions.

‘Were are you guys going?’ he continued with the questions to distract himself from the fact that his t-shirt on you started slowly falling down one of your shoulders. He wasn’t looking, he was really trying his best no to look at what appeared to be very soft patch of your skin, exposed right in front of him.

‘There is this party, Min Jee really wanted to go to. She promised to meet me here and get ready before we go’ you added. It sounded very convincing.

‘Ah I see, need a ride?’ of course he did. You knew this is going to happen. He always offered and you never declined. Neither you or Min Jee every declined a lift from him, this will be so unnatural for you to say no to.

‘No I think we will be fine today you know?’ you rolled your eyes and continued picking the noodles from the bowl. That sentence is what fucked it.

‘Right, so where is she really?’ he repeated his initial question. You couldn’t fool him. You lied and he knew you too well to not find out. Besides you were just looking at him with your big doe like eyes, looking all spooked and emotional.

‘She em, I told you’ you tried to fight it but you knew you were busted. Now how were you planning on save the situation was the question.

‘Spare me the lies. What happened? You never lie to me. Neither of you’ he looked worried. He turned his head to the side and his face changed. He looked disappointed. Why did he look disappointed? And why did you feel horrible for lying to him. Not a big deal, just a your best friends older brother.

‘She’s been seeing someone and they are uhm have a date’ you smiled with your teeth covered in sauce from the food. He shook his head and got up from the sofa. You could tell his pressure raised a slightly as he started pacing around the room.

‘Is she planning on spending the night?’ he turned dramatically to you and you couldn’t lie to that face. You nodded and you knew the second you did he will explode. ‘Fuck, you better tell me where and we will go and get her’ he sat back next to you.

‘Cmon Hoseok…’ you used your softest voice you could imitate ‘We aren’t kids anymore and I think she really likes the guy. Just let her be. I know shes safe and he won’t hurt her’ you reassured him but he wouldn’t buy it.

‘Nobody will lay hands on my sister’ he started getting red on his face and was ready to jump out and go to the car.

‘How about we watch a film together?’ you changed the subject. Just finished your food and it seemed like a good idea to just try and distract him for as long as you could, before you could text Min Jee and let her know she is busted. At least in front of her brother she was.

Hoseoks head turned back at you. This whole story with his sister distracted him enough to not think about you this way for a second but now you wanted to hang out? Just the two of you? Oh lord, there is no way he will be able to control himself.

‘What film?’ he asked and looked at your face.

‘I don’t know, just fancy a film. It’s really cosy here and it’s raining outside and it feels like a perfect time for a film, don’t you think?’ of course you had an agenda. He just thought it was completely different than what it actually was. You were stalling. I mean nothing you have said was a lie, you did feel cosy and a film felt like a good idea. You had no other plans for that day and uni work could always wait for another day. He looked outside the window and the rain got even heavier.

‘Tea?’ he asked and passed the remote controller towards you.

‘Sure, make it nice and steamy please’ you added. Again, not intention behind your words. You weren’t really thinking anything but every word you said felt like an ache to him. Steamy? Was she out of her mind? He thought to himself but decided to play along whatever silly game you had in mind. He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. His phone was still upstairs so he decided to run quickly upstairs and see if anyone wanted anything from him. He run back with his phone in his pocket.

‘Aren’t your parents coming home soon? Maybe we should go to Min Jees room or yours in case they want to rest after work?’ you were so thoughtful. He looked at you with the biggest adoration in his eyes. You cared for his parents so much and he really appreciated it. As much as he was currently struggling with his own feelings, you loved how considered you were to his family, which he always put first.

‘Not a bad shout, they should be home soon’ he smiled at you. Anytime he did smile at you this way you felt so warm inside. Like the rain outside didn’t really exist at all. He finished making the tea and handed you your cup and the both of you headed upstairs. You looked at each other for a second as you automatically headed to the right, where Min Jees room was and he went to the left where his room was.

‘Lets go to mine, I don’t feel like snooping around her room when she’s not here’ he pointed at the door of his room and you nodded with agreement. Only fair. Even thought you have spent hours in that room on your room previously, waiting for your best friend to come home from school, part time job or a date.

His room was spotless as always. You have been there before a few times but never for longer than few minutes at the time. His bed neatly made, curtains open widely, books stacked on the shelf and no sight of clothes, dirty underwear or anything else you were used to seeing Min Jees room. You thought of her then and you smiled to yourself, hoping she was having good time with Seokjin and she wasn’t crossing any of the lines she didn’t want to. You liked Seokjin and you didn’t think he wasn’t going to cause any trouble but of course you were worried. She was your best friend, on her own with an older man.

‘You okay?’ Hoseok put his tea down on a coaster of his desk and walked up to you. Touched your shoulder seeing you smiling and staring into the abyss. His fingers were so soft and the second he touched you, you looked up and saw his stare.

‘Sorry, I was just hoping Min Jee is having a good time’ you didn’t want to lie to him anymore. You were two (three with Min Jee) adults and there was no reason to be silly.

‘I hope I won’t have to call my friends and go and find this guy’ he said slightly worrying and smiled. Fuck. I hope he really won’t hurt her because if Hoseok will find out HIS best friend is currently doing his sister and you knew about it, he won’t forgive you.

‘Right, what are we going to watch?’ you looked at the tv mounted on the wall and grabbed a sip from the steaming hot tea that you were still holding.

‘I don’t know, just put whatever. I really don’t mind’ he grabbed his tea from the desk and saw you slowly making your way to his bed. You sat on top of it and slowly shimmied yourself to the wall making room for him. Messy hair, his clothes that were so oversized on you, rosy cheeks, hot tea in your hand in his bed. He turned around for a second and held his own forehead. What the fuck is he suppose to do, when he can’t really help it anymore how his body was reacting to this sight. He took a deep breath and smiled widely as he always did to mask any emotions that were currently running around the inside of his body. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he put his cup on the bed side table and opened the phone before sitting. Based on his last text, he really couldn’t have you reading any messages right now.

‘If I were you, I would make my move’ he was expected the text from Joon but it was Jimin. How did he already know? This fuck already told him, didn’t he? He bet he already posted it in their group chat. He swooped to the group chat conversation and there it was, his screenshot of the text that he sent to Joon ‘She’s hot’ and all his friends reacting and commenting. Ah he thought he will kill him but for now he couldn’t do anything. He just locked his phone when it buzzed again. He only read the message on the screen ‘Ask her out, but be respectful’ this text came from Yoongi. What was he supposed to do now? Half of his friends were now plotting behind his back. He locked the phone back and left it on his desk. He got himself onto the bed next to you. The bed wasn’t very big, so he scooched next to you, slightly touching your shoulder. His fresh scent started lingering around you. He smelled so nice. You never really noticed before. You looked up on his face and saw his gorgeous features from the profile, sharp jawline and pointy small nose. He was looking for a film to watch and you were looking at him. You felt really safe and cosy and you already started feeling tired, expecting to actually fall asleep when the film will start. He felt that you were watching him so he turned his face to you and smiled widely. His eyes turned into half moons, beautiful straight white set of teeth filled his smile.

‘Ready?’ he asked and you nodded, smiling back at him. You tried to give him a softer smile, not one of your silly goof ones. It’s like you all of a sudden started caring what he thought of you. He put the film on. You never seen it before, neither you remember the title but it was supposed to be funny. Great, not the film you pictured on this really nice cosy day when it’s pouring outside but you didn’t mind. You were on a mission.

***

In the meantime Min Jee was hanging out with Seokjin in his flat. They started cooking together, playfully make a mess and overall enjoyed the quality time they finally planned together. Seokjins phone buzzed few times and he checked the messages.

‘Min Jee, didn’t you say your best friend is currently trying to occupy your brother whilst you’re here?’ he gulped staring at the messages. She was a little bit confused because that was exactly what was planned but why was he asking this again all of a sudden?

‘Yeah, we had the entire plan…’ she looked over his shoulder and saw the screenshot in the group chat, where Hoseok said ‘she’s hot’ and then the rest cheering him on, mentioning your name few times.

‘Holy fuck, Min Jee. Your brother…’ Seokjin started giggling reading all of those messages and couldn’t believe this.

‘She was supposed to sit there for a bit and go home, not sleep with him?!’ this was the very first time Min Jee lost the trust in your friendship. She appreciated the gesture but she thought you betrayed her. You used the situation to get to her brother. Which was absolutely not the case.

‘Well, not sure what she is doing but just so you know your brother never talks about anyone this way. He does talk about her a lot though, overall. But I just thought it was because the two of you hung out a lot’ Jin wasn’t helping. He was adding to the spiral Min Jee was currently going into.

‘She used me to get to him?’ she didn’t really believe the words she was saying. Because you were friends for years. If you liked her brother surely you would of told her that, even after years. It didn’t really make sense but Min Jee always acted on her emotions. She sent you a text ‘I can’t believe you have done this to me’ but decided to stay the night with the man she was seeing. She didn’t really want to go home now.

***

The film was funny but you really started feeling how heavy your head felt. You finished your tea and let Hobi took the cup away from you. Eventually you slowly slid down, from sitting to more laying like position. You put your head more towards his shoulder and he didn’t even think twice and put his arm up and you wrapped it around yourself. He didn’t even blink, he didn’t think. It was so cosy and warm and he loved cuddling. You closed your eyes and fell asleep. He looked at you when a funny moment in the film came up and saw you dozed off. He smiled to himself and moved pieces of hair from your face. He heard a quiet knock on the door and saw his mum poking her head through the door. When she saw you were asleep and Hoseok was showing that you fell asleep she smiled at you and nodded, almost like allowing you to keep sleeping and close the door behind her. None of this seemed out of ordinary with the relationship you had with the family but it was. You never slept in his room, you never been around him. You never hugged him. Yet somehow on this rainy day, you were wrapped with his arm around you, in his bed sound asleep. He thought it was the sweetest thing and decided to take a picture. Not of you, not in a weird way. He framed the picture that it was showing a little bit of your hair and your hand holding his wrapped arm. It was very artistic but also very cute. And that was the moment he promised himself to actually ask you out. He didn’t know why all of those emotions took over him but it definitely made sense. You both knew each other for years, you were close, he thought you were really good looking but never had occasion to look at you looking like that. Adorable and sweet and so hot at the same time. He sent the picture to the group chat. He was too excited.

Namjoon: Ah I told you to be respectful

Yoongi: I swear you were supposed to ask her out first

Jimin: LET’S GO BRO

Taehyung: LET’S GO BRO2

Seokijn *seen*

Jungkookie: Hyung, this looks so cute.

***

You opened your eyes and realised it was really late. It turned dark outside and Hoseok was no where to found. You sat up and wiped your face. You took your phone out of the pocket and saw the text from Min Jee ‘I can’t belive you’ve done this to me’. You were so confused and your first thought was that when you fell asleep Hoseok went to find her and found out about her and Seokjin. You got up from the bed really fast and started walking towards the door. That’s when the door opened and you heard his soft voice again.

‘You’re up! I brought you dinner…’ he looked down at the tray he was carrying in his hand.

‘I thought you left..’ you said and started panting. You were now really worried and stressed and didn’t really know what to do. You started being worried about Min Jee but you didn’t know if breaking the promise and spoiling her date was the best idea because of one text. And the text didn’t say help or anything like that.

You smiled apologetically for just standing there for a second staring into nothing.

‘Thank you. I will eat fast and then I will go home. I’m so sorry I was waiting for Min Jee and the time went by so fast..’ you were trying to explain yourself but he just smiled. His face changed. Something about the way he was looking at you was different. His smile was still warm but he looked with just so much patience and love. Love? You must be crazy, he is your best friends older brother.

‘I will drop you off. Let’s be honest, she isn’t coming home and you aren’t going to a party’ he answered and walked inside and closed the door behind him. You didn’t say anything else but ate the dinner his mum prepared for you and started grabbing your things.

‘My clothes, did you manage to get them dry? I will change…’you started looking around like your clothes were to be in his room.

‘I did but you can keep this for now, I will just get a bag for you so you can take your things with’ he answered. He was always polite and nice and helpful but this felt different. Almost domestic like? He wanted you to keep those clothes, his clothes. You didn’t protest because you were really comfortable the past few hours wearing them so you nodded and went downstairs to grab your shoes and backpack. You saw Mr and Mrs Jung on the sofa, drinking tea and bowed to them.

‘Thank you so much for the dinner and letting me stay, again…’ you were a little bit ashamed but they waived at you and nodded. His mum did double take looked at you seeing his sons clothes on you but she didn’t question anything. She got up from the sofa and came to give you a hug before you leave.

‘I would love for you to see my son more than my daughter’ she whispered into your ear and your expression changed. From warm and smiling to just completely frozen. Did she just? What does she mean? You didn’t really know what to say so you hugged her back and you went outside. Nervously panting there and back waiting for Hobi to come out. He finally did with a bag filled with your now dry clothes and his car keys in his hand.

‘Why did your mum just offered me to date you?’ you asked him, staring him deep into his eyes. His ears turned red and he looked away for a second.

‘Ah, you know she just wants to get me married fast’ he laughed and tried brushing it off. What the fuck was she thinking? Why would she say something like that? He didn’t tell her anything, of course yes she saw you sleeping in his bed on his shoulder but there was just no need for this.

‘Right, I don’t think I would be the right fit for that’ you chuckled and moved towards the car. You lied. Because it did now cross your mind. He was always around but you never though of him not being there. He was always in your memories and any big events of your life. He was always there, right next to Min Jee.

‘Let’s get you home’ he handed you the bag with your clothes and you put it with your backpack at the back seat and got yourself at the front. The entire way to your house neither of you said anything. And this was probably one of the only times this happened. Even when you were drunk out of your mind he always managed to have a conversation with you. Even then but today. You smiled politely when he pulled up to your house and just left. Grabbed your things from the back seat and went towards the door of your house. He sat there for a second banging his fingers on the steering wheel and watched you walk to the door. ‘Ahh I need to do something don’t i?’ he thought to himself and got out of the car. The engine still going, the door shut loudly and you turned around.

You saw him walking towards you, slightly wobbly and shy not really looking at your face at all.

‘Please go out with me’ is the only thing that came out of his mouth. He nervously looked up from his shoes to your face and finally found your eyes and locked them with his.

Holy fucking shit. Jung Hoseok, the older brother of my best friend that I know for years asked you out? You didn’t know what to think, but you instantly blushed and millions of butterflies just hatched in your stomach.

‘I..’ your voice shaky, eyes still locked with his. He was getting more and more nervous. ‘Why?’ was the only thing that you could say. And just like that he lost the control he had over himself, the anxiety took over him and he looked away from you.

‘Never mind’ he mumbled under his breath and started walking to the car. Rejected. Already upset. Already playing scenarios in his head how you will now avoid his sister and their house because of his awakening.

‘Hoseok’ you shouted after him and he stopped and turned around.

‘Yes?’ there was no hope in his eyes, just sad puppy face pouting at you.

‘I didn’t say no. I just got scared’ you added and he smiled and nodded.

‘I will pick you up tomorrow’ he answered and went back to his car and didn’t even wait for you to get in, got into his car and left. You couldn’t believe this actually happened. You span around yourself few times before you walked inside. Then it hit you, that you still didn’t know what Min Jee’s text meant. You pulled your phone out and dialled her number but she didn’t pick up. You tired again but still nothing. You decided to leave it for the next day.

***

The next day there was still no word from Min Jee, at least you didn’t hear anything because she did sneak into the house early in the morning. You woke up and checked your phone, still nothing. What is going on? You were sure that she would call you, text you or something. She spend the first night at Seokjins and there was nothing to share with you? That was not like her at all. You send her a text ‘All fine?’ because you really started to get worried and the response you received was shocking. The message she texted you back was something you have never heard your best friend calling anyone. ‘WHORE’. You? Whore? What? What part did you miss? What happened. You send her question marks back but nothing came back. You tried calling but you couldn’t get through, it was like she blocked you. What the hell Min Jee?

You couldn’t just leave it like this, she was your only and your best friend. You were inseparable. What possible could have happened for her to act like this. You did sleep in Hoseoks clothes from the day before, because you were so excited about the prospect of maybe going on a date with him. But you couldn’t show up to their house like that. You showered and put your favourite dungarees on with a thick jumper underneath. You knew you might bump into Hobi so you made sure to look cute, little bit of make up but nothing crazy. You walked all the way to Jungs house and knocked on the main door. No response so you knocked again and then before you managed to put your arm down Min Jee sprung out of the door right at you.

‘How could you do this to me!? I trusted you?!’ she shouted and started flying her arms at you.

‘What have I done? I have covered for you like you asked! I don’t know whats going on!’ you answered trying to defend yourself. You looked up and saw Hoseok looking through his window what is going on outside and when he saw Min Jee furious he started running downstairs.

‘You slept with my brother you bitch!’ Min Jee screamed and tears started rolling down her eyes.

‘Are you insane?! DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?’ you couldn’t believe what she was saying and more importantly where did she take this from.

‘I SAW THE TEXT, I SAW THE PICTURE’ Min Jee answered slowly stopping her arms and sobbing.

‘WHAT PICTURE AND WHAT TEXT? I have done nothing but protected you Min Jee’ you were out of breath from trying to run away from her and shouting at her at the same time.

‘I don’t ever want to see you again…’ she said and just like that you had enough. She wouldn’t listen to you, she wouldn’t explain and she was just ending things like this, fine. You had no intentions of ever going back, if she didn’t trust you. You run out of the gate and on the street towards your house.

Hobi just managed to get downstairs and looked at Min Jee sobbing on her knees.

‘What the fuck? Where did she go? What happened?’ he was really confused but slowly picked up Min Jee from the ground and wrapped his arms around her.

‘I can’t believe you slept with my best friend’ she whispered crying into his shoulder.

‘What? We didn’t? What are you saying?’ Hoseok was as confused as you.

‘I saw the picture you have sent to the group chat’ she admitted not realising that this will blow her cover up completely.

‘We were just watching a film and she fell asleep… nothin. Hold on? How did you send a message I have sent to the group chat with MY friends?’ he stopped himself for a second and got instantly really angry. ‘Who's the guy who you stayed at yesterday?’ fuck Min Jee, you just blew up the entire cover.

‘Nobody you know’ she thought she can somehow lie herself out of this situation, but at this stage you were already back home, sobbing into your pillow.

‘Well clearly someone I know, since you had access to the group chat’ Hoseok let go of her and got really annoyed.

‘I’ve been seeing…please don’t be mad. I really like him, it’s been months now and I was really afraid to tell you’ but he wasn’t letting her just avoid telling the truth. ‘It’s Seokjin’ she finally admitted and Hobi swore out loud.

‘And why did you think me and Y/N slept together? She came here and worked her ass off to cover for you all day and majority of the evening, she spent time with me to make sure I won’t go and get you, and you just assumed?’ he was really upset with his sister so he left her outside and went upstairs.

***

You were sobbing into your pillow. You were so angry with Min Jee because she didn’t believe you after all of the work you put and effort making sure she will have a nice time with Seokjin. And a photo? He took a photo of you? All of a sudden both of the Jungs weren’t trustworthy to you anymore. It’s like in few seconds all of those years got erased. You felt really alone so you crawled into your bed and put your headphones on. Listening to music slowly calmed you down and you managed to fall asleep.

You woke up to your phone buzzing few times. You looked and saw SEVERAL messages from people.

***

14:34 Min Jee: We need to talk. I’m really sorry.

14:35 Min Jee: Please don’t ignore me, I really fucked up. Hobi know about me and Seokjin.

14:50 Min Jee: I’m sorry that was selfish, please answer we need to talk.

15:45 Min Jee: I don’t want to force myself onto you, please let me know when you are ready

16:13 Min Jee: I swear, I have never fucked up like that in my life. Please let’s talk

16:53 Min Jee: I will come by in the evening, hope we can talk

10 missed calls from Min Jee

***

14:14 Hoseok: I hope we can talk

15:23 Hoseok: I have taken a picture but it’s literally just a piece of your hair and our arms

16:20 Hoseok: I was really excited to see you today

1 missed call from Hoseok

***

15:30 Namjoon: Hey, I know I probably am the last person you might want to talk to but let me know if you want to chat.

***

16:21 Jungkookie: It’s Jungkookie, call me when you get this

Holy fucking shit. You were asleep for one few hours but it looked like shit hit the fan. You didn’t really know what to do or who to speak to so you rang Jungkook.

‘Hey, are you okay?’ you heard his sweet voice on the other side of the phone.

‘I just woke up, I would assume you know what happened. Can you please tell me what did he send to that fucking group chat?’ your voice was quite cold, even though you were always fond of the guy, you weren’t close enough and right know you needed someone further away from this shit to tell you what actually happened.

‘Hoseok hyung was really surprised you to see you in his clothes and he was texting Namjoon hyung about it when you were staying at his. But Namjoon hyung told him to be respectful and not betray your trust since you knew each other for so long. But then Namjoon hyung posted the text from Hoseok hyung to the group chat. Because Min Jee was with Seokjin at the time, which I only found out about few hours ago – she saw the text Hoseok hyung sent to Namjoon hyung. She saw him saying you are hot and probably assumed that you two you know. But then Yoongi hyung told Hoseok hyung to be good and ask you out first at least. So that’s kind of what happened. Oh and yeah we all know now that Min Jee was seeing Seokjin hyung and she was with him that night and Hoseok hyung lost his mind over it but then he said something about ‘we aren’t kids anymore’. When Jungkook said the last words you knew it was something you told Hoseok earlier that day. You told him to pipe down a little bit and let Min Jee breathe.

‘Right. So where does the picture come from?’ you tried to gather all of the information given to you.

‘I assume the picture Hoseok hyung posted in the group chat was when you were just hanging out? It was just a little piece of your hair and you leaning on his shoulder, you could mainly just see how you hold hands. Cute if you ask me’ so Hoseok wasn’t lying. The picture was really innocent. There wasn’t anything incriminating there, you didn’t forget half of the evening.

‘Is Hoseok really mad at Min Jee?’ you asked Jungkook.

‘I don’t think so, he was for a bit but then he called Seokjin hyung and they talked for like an hour or so and it all got somehow sorted out. You were the only one not answering and everyone got really worried’ Jungkook finished the story.

‘Thanks. Is it okay if I hang up now? I need to put this all back together in my head’ you asked politely, grateful that he offered to talk when you didn’t really know what to do.

‘Please take care’ you’ve heard and you finished the call.

You decided to call Min Jee first. Then you hung up and realised she said she will come and see you. You didn’t really know whether you should or shouldn’t answer to Hobis texts so you just left him on read just like Min Jee. You went to the kitchen and grabbed something to eat in the meantime. What should you do? You were waiting for the water to boil in the kettle the door bell went off. You didn’t think twice and went to the door to open it. And there she was. Min Jee standing there with a pout on her face, looking all sad and sorry for herself.

‘What do you want?’ you answered and let the door open as you walked towards your boiling now kettle.

‘Apologise…’ she said still pouting walking behind you. She closed the door and followed you to the kitchen where she observed you making yourself ramyeon.

‘For what exactly? The fact that I always defended you and you just believed what your stupid head was telling you not my words? Or for the fact your brother took a picture of me without me know? Or maybe for not thanking me when I defended you and tried so hard to keep your secret protected?’ You laid it all out on the table in front of her.

‘All I guess. I am really sorry. I really am! I got really jealous all of a sudden, you know my brother didn’t really date a lot and I don’t really know what possessed me. Because at the end of the day you were there for me and… I am really sorry.’ She explained herself and you accepted her apology because it was honest. That was always the only requirement whenever shit hit the fan between the two of you. Honesty.

‘It’s fine Min Jee. I don’t know what is like to have a sibling so I understand you can be overprotective over each other. I will remember though how quickly you lost your faith in me though’ you teased her and pour water into another bowl to give to your best friend.

‘About Hoseok…’ she started shyly. Here we go. You didn’t know if you had enough strength to discuss this part of the drama.

‘Here we go…’ you moaned and turned around from her to face the other way.

‘I suspected he liked you for a while. I saw the way he was treating you and how sometimes he looked at you. I know he didn’t mean any harm with the picture. You know him. You know he just likes collecting memories. Not that is it an excuse but I would be really happy for the two of you if you will decide to see him’ she admitted and poked your arm that was resting at the kitchen table.

‘I never really thought of him like that, until yesterday. Being around him and just with him just changed everything I knew. I’m sorry I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or anything like that. You know I would of come to you first if I did fancy someone, especially your own brother’ you answered and turned your head back at her and smiled at her.

‘Does that mean you don’t want to see him?’ Min Jee nervously looked you in the eye.

‘I’m afraid I do’ you chuckled and mixed your food with the spoon that was nearby.

‘Great! Because he is here! Okay see you, love you’ she pecked you on the cheek and literally run out of the house shutting the door behind her. You went towards the window and saw Hoseoks car in front of your house and Min Jee happily jumping towards it shouting for him to go and see you.

You heard a knock on the door and said ‘Come in’ loud enough for him to hear it. You were still in the kitchen, leaning on the kitchen counter.

‘I wanted to give you space but Min Jee begged me to come along with her just in case..’ he started with his soft voice, slowly making his way through the room to the kitchen.

‘I’m glad you decided to come along’ you answered and smiled softly at him. You could tell he was acting really slow, almost like he was trying to not scare the doe away.

‘Listen I am really sorry about the picture, I know you were asleep and it was so wrong of me. You just.. not to justify if but you looked so cute and I just wanted to remember the first time we held hands. You see. That day I decided, I made the pack with myself that after all these years I will finally tell you how I feel. I liked you on and off for so long and you were there wearing my t-shirt looking so homey. I promised myself that evening that I will do everything in my power everyday to make your days better, to spoil you until maybe you will notice that all I can see is you, I just wanted it to be subtle and sweet. But it came so so wrong. I’m really sorry’ he finally finished, standing in front of you propped on the kitchen island. You couldn’t believe all the words he just said. He liked you on and off for a while. You just melted into the counter that you were standing at. He was just the sweetest, kindest loving boy you ever met and you couldn’t believe all he wanted was you.

‘I mean, based on our long term relationship because of your sister it wasn’t crazy of you to take that picture…’ you gave him a warm smile, trying to say that you accept his apology but he kept sulking to himself ‘Hoseok!’ it’s almost like you had to take him out of his trans but when he heard you calling him by his name, his eyes turned from sorry to big dark filled with completely different feeling.

‘You never call me by my name. You always call me Hobi’ he was really threw off but also he couldn’t get his eyes off you.

You pointed your finger at him and made a ‘come here’ sign and he followed. You put your bowl down after you had few bites and you wiped your mouth with a kitchen towel. He took another step, now getting really close to you.

‘Kiss me Hoseok, please’ you said out loud, not fully believing the audacity that you had in you to say something like that. He turned around almost like checking if there was anyone behind him and then he leaned in, grabbed your waist with one of his arms and cupped his face with the other. Closed his eyes, slowly lingered around your face and finally softly kissed your lips. You smiled as he kissed you, and pulled you closer and closer to himself. But the more he kissed your lips, the more aggressive your and his moves were. You broke the kiss and everything felt like it slowed down. You locked your eyes with his and saw the crazy lust growing in his eyes. You just nodded and he picked you up and sat you up on that counter, leaned forward and positioned himself between your legs. You wrapped them around his hips and pulled him closer. His kisses became inpatient, like was waiting for this for years and so was your breath. Short and shallow, trying to keep up with him.

‘Are you sure?’ he muttered under his breath when he gasped for air. But you didn’t answer, just pulled him closer and unzipped the hoodie he was currently wearing. You threw it behind him and he unbuckled your dungarees. Took your jumper off and followed up with taking your t-shirt too. Your oversized dungarees fell down lower onto the kitchen counter around your hips and he slowly lifted you so they would fall down to your ankles and as let go of him with your legs they fell down on the floor. You took his t-shirt off, whilst staring at his abs. God he was divine. He was gorgeous and he was right in front of you. You almost wanted to stop and just stare at admire him but the lust has already taken over the two of you. He continuously attacked your lips, dancing with his tongue inside your mouth and around your neck. He stopped himself for a second and took a step back. You were sitting on the kitchen counter with just your underwear, red cheeks and out of breath. And he needed to see this. Take a picture with his mind, to always treasure and remember the moment. He admired you for a few seconds, looking at you from afar. So beautiful, so pretty, so hot and sexy and so gorgeous and so his. He wanted to savour every moment with you but he currently couldn’t stop fighting with the huge bulge in his jeans that was poking at you, whilst he admired your almost naked body.

‘Please Hoseok, fuck me’ you pouted at him, not really knowing where those words came from but he was too far away from you for too long. His face from cute and dreamy turned into a huge question mark and then into a really naughty smirk. You didn’t have to ask him twice. He walked back to the counter and moved your underwear to the side, lowered himself slightly bending his back down and nuzzled your slit with his nose. You shook. You shook from his touch, from the fact that it was so open. You thought in your head ‘if my parent will decide to come home now, we will be screwed forever’ but you pushed that thought out of your mind. He felt you shake and smirked even more, slowly sticked his tongue out and started playing around with your clit, delicately and with love running in circles around it. You purred feeling his tongue on your skin. You wrapped one of your legs around him, the other you laid on his shoulder. You could hear him slurping the juice out of you, whist staring deep into your eyes with the most evil stare, telling you he will devour every piece of you. You moved on your legs back and slowly put it on top of his crotch and started rubbing it with your foot as he kept licking you out. That pushed him over some kind of edge because he stopped and slipped two of his slender fingers inside you and came back to your lips. You could tase yourself at the same time you couldn’t ignore how amazing it felt to have some part of him inside you. You were however growing impatient and as nice as this felt,  you really needed him. The full of him. The entirety of him. He kept picking up the pace as you moaned into his mouth.

‘Please’ you whined when he kept playing with you and you couldn’t wait to be filled up with him. He chuckled when he heard you beg and nodded taking his fingers out of you. He licked his fingers and that drove you to insanity. You unzipped his jeans and unbuckled his belt, the trousers fell down onto his knees and ankles. You put your hand inside his underwear and without needing to look for it you popped his nearly twitching, hard dick out. He couldn’t get enough of the sight of you taking the initiative and smirked to himself observing. But inside he couldn’t wait anymore either. He bend over for a second and looked for something in his jeans. Took out his wallet and managed to open the packet of a condom with just his teeth and two fingers and handed it to you. Your hands were shaking, because you were so excited and horny, you managed to slip the condom onto him and give it a few strokes up and down. He moaned and threw his head back feeling your hand on him. He started kissing you again, but now all of his kisses felt like he filled them with pure love. And as he was kissing you he lined himself up, slowly went inside you letting you adjust to him. But you couldn’t maintain the kiss, feeling him inside you, you moaned into his mouth and he smirked proud of himself that it was him you were feeling this way about. After a minute you nodded at him and he started thrusting into you. Very slow and almost lovingly at first and then he picked up the pace. And he wouldn’t stop, he kept going faster and faster and your head started spinning. It wasn’t your first time, but it was definitely your first time with Jung Hoseok who was currently ramming his dick inside and out of you with an insane pace, crazy hair and the angry almost stare. You kept moaning and whining at him as he kept going like crazy, kissing your neck and chin whilst holding your hips with his hands. His hands were so beautiful. Especially around your hips. And as he kept the pace up, he noticed you started to slowly flow away so he put his finger back at your clit and started circulating around it. You couldn’t handle any of this, and as he added the finger you moaned into his mouth seeing stars that he pained in front of your eyes and you clenched around him, and he kept going trying to prolong your high. Not long after, hearing you moan so sweetly and clenching around him, he got really close to his edge. And when he did you bit his ear and that has sent him to his high, from pumping in and out of you now buried deep inside you, paining the inside of the condom white. And he stayed there for a second, he picked your head up holding you by your chin and he looked into your eyes, almost checking you are okay. And you were more than okay. You were in heaven. Heaven called Jung Hoseok. Both panting trying to catch your breath, finally starting to realised where you are. He kissed you softly and put your legs down, slipped from inside you and helped you off the counter. He tied the condom and buried it in the bin among other rubbish. You started collecting your and his clothes but then you saw him a little bit worried and in desperate need for after care.

‘Lets go and get a bath?’ you murmured into his ear and kissed his cheek. He immediately picked up his clothes and smiled widely at you. He run upstairs laughing like a maniac and prepared the bath for the two of you. You grabbed your clothes from the floor and as you were walking by the dining table you saw a message on your phone.

17:45 Min Jee: You whore ;)

You walked upstairs and left your clothes in your room. You entered the bathroom and there he was in the bath, covered with bubbles with an inviting smile.

‘Come here’ he stretched his arms to you in a hug like gesture and you closed the door behind you and stepped into the warm water. He slowly poured water over you, kissing your back and your neck until you sat between his legs and melted into him. You didn’t really need to label what this was but you knew he would love that. You knew him well over the years and you knew exactly what he liked and how he was.

‘Babe?’ you whispered looking up, searching for his eyes.

‘Me?’ he instantly brightened up and smiled back at you, locking his eyes with yours.

‘Are we official then or do you still have to take me out on that date?’ you giggled and you saw his smile widen. He couldn’t ask for more. He grabbed your arm from under the water and he intertwined the two hands together.

‘I will still take you out officially, but lets mark today in the calendars’ cheesy cute Hobi, was already making plans and marking your official date in the calendar.