#i was happier today than ive been in a while tbh
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sandpipercentral · 7 years ago
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hmmmmmnnng want to play pokemon but also barely awake
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yakocchi · 3 years ago
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A Special Anniversary with the Prince // Voiced Mini Stories
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time for the one bmp1-themed event for the next couple of months yea i grumble abt bmp2 all the time but i still play and check schedules. dont get it twisted, i know whos the real clown in this relationship
i think this is supposed to be a small event to celebrate the former bmp1 social (GREE) anniversary, which was aug 29. bmp2’s anni is in sept, so this is a small period of time they can recognize it i suppose
these events are so faccin short holy crud i cannot stress that enough. im used to bs, but it feels rude considering how bmp1 is only like a side... thing. yes, theyve been gradually rereleasing season 2 on bmp2 platforms over the course of this year, but thats just a port man. also not a very good port given that even when u shell out all ur cruz for the sweet story it doesnt get saved to the album + i dun even want to hear of it until they materialize a zain season 2 out of thin air. i know hes prob supposed to be a one-shot route (like jin) but he’s a good guy yea good guy by sf9 pls stream
quicc translations behind the cut
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Glenn (CV. Ishikawa Kaito)
[G]: “Pretty... No; while the fireworks are pretty too, of course, I was talking about you.” [G]: “...Ugh, what are you saying, me?” [G]: “But if I don’t properly express how I feel, then I won’t have my feelings expressed period.” [G]: “Today, you’re... crazy pretty.”
⋆ sorry idk the proper prince-like equivalent of essentially “hella” ;;
Zain (CV. Hirakawa Daisuke)
[Z]: “Even in a place like Nobel Castle, one gets to see fireworks on several occasions, but…” [Z]: “There is nothing that could surpass seeing the fireworks with you like this.” [Z]: “Could you not hear me over the fireworks?” [Z]: “Then… (kiss)” [Z]: “With that, my feelings have been expressed (to you), no? [Z]: “…Your red face— Is that due to the fireworks?” [Z]: “I jest. It seems… that my feelings have been properly conveyed.”
Joshua (CV. Namikawa Daisuke)
[J]: “Bring out your hand. I mustn’t lose sight of you in this crowd, after all.” [J]: “This is also… pest repellent.” [J]: “As there isn’t a man who wouldn’t think about looking at you with that yukata on…”
Edward (CV. Okitsu Kazuyuki)
[E]: “There is quite the variety of fireworks, hm.” [E]: “Ah- the one over there is a rose, is it?” [E]: “Haha, I’m elated by simply watching lovely fireworks like this, but,” [E]: “As for me— Coupled with these grand fireworks," [E]: “Being able to see a smile appear to blossom on your face, makes me feel happier than anything else.”
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Keith (CV. Kondo Takashi)
[K]: “These fireworks are huge.” [K]: “Well, I mean, Oriens’ fireworks are a bit different from Liberty’s…” [K]: “They stand out as more of a modest beauty than a flashy one— they resemble you…” [K]: “—No, ‘was nothing. Forget it.”
Roberto (CV. Kimura Ryohei)
[R]: “Hey, hey, in Oriens,” [R]: “They say, ‘Tamaya!’ when viewing fireworks—” [R]: “Right?” [R]: “Let’s shout it together!” [R]: “Ready, set— Tamaya!!”
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Wilfred (CV. Sakurai Takahiro)
[W]: “When the fireworks end, can the two of us sneak out for a bit?” [W]: “Hm- Can’t hear me over the fireworks?” [W]: “After this, can we sneak out-…?” [W]: “Still can’t hear me?” [W]: “…Haah… One thing left to do…” [W]: “…(kiss)” [W]: “Get it now?”
Yakov (CV. Yasumoto Hiroki)
[Y]: “Your eyes are more brilliant than the fireworks here.” [Y]: “I find it more entertaining to watch you over that of the fireworks as well.” [Y]: “I never tire of seeing your expression change rapidly from this to that in such a way.”
FIN
i have nothing left to say tbh. uh well ive been playing ed’s sequel for no real reason (guess i want the campaign stuff. i guess). RYAN........ if he was given a budget of 50 extra dollars hed be a cutie tbh like bmp1 leonardo. which is why leonhart makes the big bux
on another note, ive seen the anni page and it seems like an event that involves the bmp1 cast appearing (as side charas to the bmp2 guy obv) may be in order ........ill be waiting
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specialagentrin · 5 years ago
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Day 12 – On the twelfth day of Christmas, Wincestmas gave to me: four times sam and dean were almost caught and one time they were
Warnings: Bottom!Dean, Top!Sam, tbh everyone knows exactly what they are doing not gonna lie, a little dash of angst, but a Happy Ending, also pls ignore that I’m terrible at remembering the years so just go with it
i.  1998
They had just started this thing between the two of them. Dean had taken a long time to come around and accept his feelings, but Sam was anything but determined, not giving up on this thing they could have. Sam had long given up on feeling guilty about his feelings, and couldn’t care less about the fact they were brothers. He did believe in God, but he couldn’t believe that what they were up to was actually a sin that would damn them to Hell.
Dean, on the other hand, didn’t believe in God, Heaven or Hell, but he couldn’t help but feel responsible for corrupting his brother in some way. He had raised Sam, after all, and he felt like he had, somehow, done something that made Sam fall for him.
Now, a few months in, Dean was a little less anxious about their situation. He had set some rules, such as not being out in public – after all, not only were they brothers, they were both men and Sam was only fifteen.
But in their locked room? Then, they would give themselves in to the pleasure and love they had for each other.
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, a bit chilly from the beginning of Fall, and they had spent the day in bed. They had woken up, eaten something and then gotten back to bed, kissing and messing around slowly, tenderly. With John gone in hunts, they were free to actually take advantage of their time and they would fuck thoroughly. Today was no different.
They had a break for lunch – both had had two orgasms already – and then they went back to bed, kissing and touching each other once more.
Sam was slowly fucking into Dean, his brother making soft gasps, eyes tightly shut, when they heard someone trying to open the door. They froze for a brief second before Sam pulled out and they started putting their clothes on. Dean locked himself in the bathroom before the door was open and John walked in.
He paused by the door, frowning, and looked at Sam, who was sitting on the bed, a book in his hands while the TV was on – sound off.
“Hey, dad.” Sam said, as naturally as he could. “Welcome back. How was the hunt?” John looked around before closing the door behind him and fully entering the room.
“Successful. It was indeed a nest of vampires, they’re all dead now.” Sam nodded, returning his attention to his book. “Where’s Dean?”
“In the shower.” Sam said, and as if on cue, the shower started. John nodded and mumbled something about grabbing something to eat. Sam was still tense on the bed, but he didn’t dare move, his cock still painfully hard – but Dean had to take care of his cum-filled ass before Sam could take his own shower and jerk off.
  ii. 2000
Sam had already decided to go to College, but he didn’t know how to tell Dean that. They were still together, and although they had had their share of fights, they were happier than ever. However, John and Sam would butt heads whenever they were in the same space, which was why John spent more and more time hunting, something not returning in months, but at least he kept in touch with Dean, so they knew he was okay.
Leaving Dean had been the hardest choice he had made, but he wanted to bring Dean with him. He knew Dean wouldn’t want to go to College as well, but they could try to settle down, and Sam would become a lawyer and maybe change their names so no one would know they were actually brothers, and, thus, they’d be able to live together as a couple.
But whenever he saw Dean smile at him when they were together, or whenever Dean closed his eyes tightly as he came, or even when Dean pouted at some of Sam’s antics, Sam knew it would break both their hearts to tell the truth. Maybe it would be better to just tell him if I get accepted somewhere, Sam would think to himself, but inside he was hurting.
That was one of the reasons why Sam always made sure to thoroughly fuck his brother, mark every inch of his body, bite and kiss and suck, leaving Dean a wrecked mess by the end of it.
And that day wasn’t too different. Sam was in his winter break, heavy snow falling outside, making everything dark, and they were alone in the privacy of their motel room.
Dean was moaning loudly and Sam pounded into him rapidly, hands holding Dean’s hips in place, leaving finger marks on his skin. It was too good, and Sam knew it wouldn’t take long for both of them to come.
However, he heard some sound coming from outside the door. He stopped what he was doing and instantly Dean started paying attention as well. Once they realised there was someone outside their room, possibly ready to enter, Sam and Dean put on some clothes as quickly as possible and then grabbed their pistols, ready to shoot.
Once the door was opened, they lowered their hands. Sam groaning loudly at the sight of his father.
John’s face was unreadable, but he seemed annoyed. Without saying a word, Sam went to the bathroom, while Dean sighed, already sensing a fight.
“I thought I’d be welcome for Christmas.” John said mockingly, tilting his head in Sam’s direction. Dean felt his heart hurt – he always missed his father, and John had spent many Christmases somewhere else, but apparently, he had tried to come for this one.
“Christmas was yesterday.” Dean said softly, but he smiled at John anyway. “But it’s always good to have you here.” John ignored him and Dean deflated at that. Some things never changed.
  iii. 2006
Dean was still upset about his father’s death, but Sam understood. They were at Bobby’s for a while – Dean trying to fix his car and Sam, although he wouldn’t admit it, trying to fix Dean.
Dean had been broken for longer than Sam can remember, but now, it seemed he had reached a point of no return.
With Sam going to College, then Jessica dying the same way as their mother, then dad dying because of him, Dean was a wreck. He tried to pretend he was okay, fixing his car and telling stupid jokes, laughing loudly when he watched something funny at the TV. Sam could see right through him, though.
Once, when Dean was bent over the hood of his Baby, mumbling to himself – Sam heard some “son of a bitch” and “shit” repeatedly – Sam went to talk to him. However, his brother in that position, his t-shirt ridding up and his underwear visible under his pants, his musk feeling the hot air, Sam couldn’t help but to drape himself over Dean, kissing his neck in the process.
Dean would have hit his head on the hood if Sam hadn’t been on top of him, but he let go of the tool he had been tinkering with, turning his head to look at Sam. It was telling that Dean hadn’t noticed him approaching, which further showed Sam that he was right in being worried.
“What the fuck, Sam!” Dean half-whispered, half-yelled, clearly not wishing to draw any attention to them. Bobby was inside, but they never knew when the man could come out.
“You look nice.” Sam said. They had had sex a couple of times after they hit the road together again – once after they fought the Wendigo and once after they left Cassie, Sam being unable to hold his jealousy back.
However, after each time, they hadn’t talked about it. It was a little awkward, and Sam yearned for his brother, but Jess had recently died, and he was still mourning. But then again, Dean had almost died twice already, so Sam made up his mind – he wanted to go back to what they used to be. It was the two of them against the world now, and Sam wanted everything.
“Sam.” Dean’s voice was stern, and he tried pushing Sam away, but he wouldn’t bulge. Instead, Sam started mouthing at Dean’s neck, where he knew Dean liked the most. Dean gasped and Sam could feel his brother’s legs going heavy. “Sam, we’re outside.” Dean mumbled, but this time he didn’t try to push Sam away.
Sam only hummed in acknowledgment, his hands going under Dean’s shirt, feeling his brother’s abs, mouth still busy with his neck. Dean sighed, and Sam knew he had won this round. Sam’s hand was going down, ready to open Dean’s pants when there was a crash coming from somewhere inside.
They quickly let go of each other, eyes wide, and then they ran inside, worried that something might have happened to Bobby. The man, however, was cursing at a bottle of beer that had fallen when he opened the fridge. Sam and Dean sighed in relief and went to help Bobby pick up the pieces and clean the kitchen floor.
  iv. 2009
There was an actual convention for Chuck’s books and Dean couldn’t believe it. It was crazy that so many people enjoyed the books about their lives – because honestly? It sucked.
But he guessed he could understand the appeal.
Sam and Dean were heroes in these people’s eyes, so of course it was appealing.
But seeing people dressing as them and pretending to be them was annoying as shit, mainly with an actual case to solve.
Not to mention that it was difficult as it was to find a place for them to talk – and do other, unbrotherly things – but with so many people going around, it was almost impossible.
Every time they started to make out – well, every time Dean squeezed Sam’s ass or pressed his ass against Sam’s dick, which then resulted in a heavy make out session – people tried to enter the rooms.
Locking themselves in the bathroom was a good idea, at least. They could always pretend they were throwing up or something, and they wouldn’t need to leave the bathroom so soon.
Sam was trying to convince Dean to just let it go, to do it later when they were by themselves, but Dean would have none of it.
Once in the bathroom, he fell to his knees and sucked Sam like his life depended on it, his brother holding his head tenderly – Sam always afraid of pulling Dean or hurting him. It was amazing and Dean needed that, even if Sam was the only one to come.
When Dean was satisfied – having swallowed most of Sam’s come and received a thankful, hungry kiss in return – they left the bathroom.
Chuck was with his hand raised, ready to knock, and Sam and Dean blushed at the sight of him, completely forgetting that Chuck could see everything.
“Oh! I was looking for you guys.” Chuck said, pointing over his shoulder. “I need your help back there.” The man didn’t seem flustered – or even weirded out that Sam and Dean had been in a bathroom together – or awkward, so Dean decided that maybe Chuck didn’t know every single second of their lives.
At least, he hoped so.
  v. 2011
Sam had gotten his soul back. It was still a fragile situation and Dean didn’t want to overwhelm Sam, but sex between them was always better with their love and affection. Not that sex with a soulless Sam hadn’t been good – it had been awesome, one of the best sex of his life – but it was so obvious that Sam’s heart wasn’t in it, that Dean was just another piece of ass that, more often than not, it annoyed Dean.
So now that he had his brother back, they could actually make love – and yeah, Dean had to admit that sex was good, but making love was even better. Dean had missed this, had missed being touched as if Sam was worshipping his whole body, had missed being kissed with such intensity, had missed being told he was loved as he was thoroughly fucked.
It was a day not much after Sam’s soul was back and Dean was riding Sam slowly, moving his hips, his hole fluttering around him. Their eyes were locked on each other’s, unable to look away. Dean couldn’t help but feel happy in that moment, and he could tell Sam was just as blissful.
Dean had just started picking up the pace when there was a hoarse “Hello” coming from behind them. Dean almost fell from the bed, but Sam was mindful to holding him in place.
“What the fuck, Cas!” Dean basically yelled, pulling a sheet to cover them, but Castiel looked unfazed.
“I seem to have arrived at an inappropriate time.” Castiel said, still looking at them and there was a moment of silence before Dean spoke again.
“Cas! Leave!”
“We’ll call you when we’re finished.” Sam promised and Cas nodded, disappearing from sight. Dean groaned and lied on top of Sam, hiding his face on Sam’s neck, who, in turn, chuckled. “After so many years, who’d’ve guessed Cas would be the one to catch us.” Dean groaned again and Sam laughed.
He flipped them, so he was on top and restarted their fucking. Dean pouted at him for a moment, but instants later he was already moaning.
“His timing has always been awful. It was only time it happened.” Dean managed to say between thrusts, moaning every once and again at a particularly nice thrust. Sam chuckled again and continued fucking Dean into the mattress, picking up pace. Dean moaned louder, unable to look away from his brother, Cas appearance already forgotten now that he could only think of his pleasure.
One of Sam’s hand made its way to Dean’s cock and he started pumping it as fast as he could, knowing fully well that Dean was almost coming. Changing his hips positions minimally, Sam knew he started hitting right into Dean’s prostrate because his brother’s moans disappeared and he came instants later.
Sam, after a few more pumps, let go of Dean’s cock and focused on fucking Dean, his orgasm quickly approaching. When he came, Dean pulled him down and crashed their mouths in a passionate kiss.
They kissed for a long time, until they were both soft and Sam slipped out of Dean. They continued caressing and kissing each other though, and this time, both of them almost fell to the floor when Castiel appeared again.
“Hello.”
“What the fuck, Cas!” Dean said, pulling the sheets once more, face growing red.
“We said we’d call you.” Sam said, pulling the sheets on him as well, but not really all that bothered that Castiel caught them.
“You were taking too long.” Castiel said simply, frowning, and Dean groaned again. How had his life turned to this?
(Although, if he was honest, it was good to know that an actual Angel gave his blessing.)
---
Wincestmas ANON!!!!! HIIIIII!!!! THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND YOU UNDERSTAND ME AND I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT, YOU WERE W O R R I E D ABOUT ME AND THAT HONESTLY MADE ME CRY, HALF OF YOUR GIFTS MADE ME CRY AND MADE MY DAY.
AND I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE STORIES WHERE THE PEOPLE HAVE TO HIDE THEIR RELATIONSHIP FROM EVERYBODY ELSE! AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE CASTIEL PART, ITS LIKE YOU KNOW ME SO WELL, I LOVE STORIES WHERE TFW IS MORE LIKE A FAMILY, REGARDLESS OF A RELATIONSHIP IN THE SMALL FAMILY THEY HAVE. THANK YOU!!!!!
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jewpacabruhs · 5 years ago
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bruv im still jus. wow. theres so much to say but. do u kno how good it feels... to be jewish, to accidentally fixate on one eric cartman & love him more than any other fictional character for almost seven years now, and then to see him in a little yarmulke, standing at kyle's side while he recites from the torah? do you know how validating that is?
i gotta get personal for a second here. idk how, but in the last few yrs my relationship with my own jewishness has been deeply influenced and intertwined with south park, as ironic and ridiculous as that sounds. i grew up secular, completely nonpracticing; as a child, i was only ethnically jewish, and saw jews as strictly an ethnicity, and a popularly hated one to boot. and it scared me. ive talked about it before, but as a child hearing about the shoah and about antisemitism, i couldn't understand. i thought it was looks for a while, which confused me, because ive got blonde hair and blue eyes and all my family that got caught up in nazi europe did/do too. i remember thinking as a second grader that i would've been spared for that reason; why didn't a good chunk of my family? but i grew up in a mormon neighborhood, with plenty of other blonde kids, and they stayed away from me like i had a disease. this was before puberty, before my hair got a little frizzier and my nose got a little bigger, when i looked just like any of them. but already, at age 8, i was an outsider. i wasn't one of them and i never would be, and they wanted me to know that.
and then i started to get it. it clicked even more once i got to high school and got called a kike every other day - but prior to high school, you know what i found, and you know what really pushed me towards understanding what being a secular jew in america meant? south park. and as a dumb little sixth grader with no critical thinking skills, you know what shaped my opinions on my own people? south park.
and that's good and bad. good because i do sincerely think kyle broflovski is excellent fictional representation for jewish people, maybe one of the top few ever shown on television. he gets on my nerves at times, but he's good through and through, he's well written and multi-dimensional, he's not a walking stereotype but he still has prominent jewish features that jewish viewers can look at and see in themselves, his morals and viewpoints and beliefs are obviously deeply influenced by judaism, hes deeply proud of his heritage and culture... and that all means a lot to me. and by the amount of jewish sp fans that adore kyle, it means a lot to them too.
the bad thing is, yeah, i can't deny it, during older seasons, cartman's treatment of kyle probably taught a lot of young and dumb viewers how to view jews in real life. have i, as a kyman shipper and cartman stan, justified that within a fictional and narrative context? yes. but it doesn't change the real-world effect; south park, but specifically cartman, since he's the mouthpiece, likely did cause some easily-influenced people to pick up antisemitic beliefs. did this contribute to the rise of the alt-right? debatable, but to some extent, possibly. was that m&t's intention and should south park be canceled and denounced? fuck no, i'll always love it lol, and fuck censorship. but it is something that should be taken into account.
matt and trey clearly regret that, and understand that it's no longer acceptable or fitting or needed in today's sociopolitical climate - or, okay, maybe they don't even regret it; they just understand that when fiction becomes reality, the fictional jackass isn't necessary when there's one right there in real life, sitting in the oval office, yeah? old cartman doesn't deserve or need a voice, not when real, awful people actually have one right now. and m&t are actively trying to change cartman for the better and really, really backpedal on his bigotry, while still doing it in a way that makes sense from a story-telling perspective. it's not a complete uncharacteristic change of character; it's shifting with the times and writing it into the character's arc so that it's a logical and plausible development in cartman's story.
cartman's behavior in the last few seasons is consistent character development. m&t themselves are pushing it, and clearly it's sincere; cartman's not faking. unless they're building up a surprise twist over the last, what, three to four seasons, that he was faking the whole time! woah! if so it better be a damn good pay off, because that's a lot of time invested. though that seems more forward-thinking than sp tends to be. they're intentionally stuck in the short-term, aren't they? plot-wise. but their character development is pretty long-term, and right now, cartman is consistently decent, and if it comes across as faking, it's because cartman's over-dramatic in how he speaks, and trey does that intentionally.
that's a tonal thing, and it's hard to say in a fictional character, but as someone who struggles with empathy myself, empathy and sincerity don't go hand in hand. you can lack empathy while still caring enough to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize for something and mean that apology. not feeling remorse doesn't mean you can't apologize genuinely; the two don't go hand in hand. you can be mentally ill in any capacity, even a psychopath, and still deeply care about things or people, just not in the way someone else might. so you can headcanon that cartman's still a psycho/sociopath, though right now that's actually kinda going against canon, but don't rain on other's parades if they're happy he's exhibiting healthy growth. besides, and i repeat: what could cartman exploit out of faking sincerity for several seasons? nothing, so why bother? he wouldn't, unless it's literal in-show subconscious growth.
does that mean he's magically developed empathy? no. is it becoming less probable he's a legitimate sociopath/psychopath (while still possibly having better-disguised antisocial tendencies)? yes. does he seem to have better coping or anger management skills? somehow, yes! he seems to be legitimately healthier. does this mean he's no longer accountable for his past misdeeds, and even his present, less-severe ones? of course not! and you can still hate him all you want, but modern cartman is not the same as older cartman, and shouldn't be treated as such. because is this growth? absolutely.
he's clearly healthier, even happier. he's less angry, he's still a little shit but he no longer relies on bigotry or cruelty or anger to get the negative attention he thrives off, rather he gravitates towards being simply annoying. you know why he called ice? pettiness, immaturity, a little bit of spite, and a need for silly revenge. he's being intentionally petty, but going about it in a sly but no longer psychopathic way. less hannibal lector and more, idk, regina george, lol. extremely different on the antagonist scale. and cartman's been both.
and maybe it's personal bias on what type of human is worse within fiction, someone unstable and bizarre with violent tendencies (which is how he's come to be viewed in pop culture & some of the fandom, as a result of eps like scott tenorman must die), versus someone inclined towards pettiness and more silent and, i dunno, social-status-and-pride-driven types of revenge (cartman in general when he's not being particularly awful, tbh)... but i think it'd be pretty universally agreed that the latter is at the very least more tolerable, manageable, and even likeable - and certainly more redeemable. let's put it this way; if cartman continued on the path he was on, he'd be one of those tiki holding fucks, wearing a confederate flag hat, and he'd treat kyle soooo much worse. instead, m&t have turned him into a hypocritical false-woke ignorant dumbass - but that's strongly less problematique than it's counterpart, and it works.
because cartman simply serves a different narrative purpose now. and that's not sloppy writing; it's well-timed evolution of a character that stepped into a pre-9/11, pre-trump, pre-social media world! so much has changed, and south park is reflecting that in its characters, most notably in a character who was stuck in the, what, 1960s with his beliefs? that was fine way back when, but matt&trey are smart dudes - they understand that sometimes things have to change. besides, they love cartman, too. he's their favorite. but they understand that when real people act like him, it's not so comedic or satirical or funny, & they don't want to look at cartman, at their creation who they've invested twenty-two years in, and see the all-too-real hate of modern radical white america.
i think we know enough about matt&trey's social stances these days, and the empathy they've seemed to develop after having kids, to understand that they're no longer in their "apathy is best, everyone is stupid" phase. current south park is left-leaning and admittedly preachy at times, but i wouldn't want it any other way. g-d knows it's better this way than if they'd embraced and decided to appeal to their right-libertarian following instead. cartman's evolved in a progressive and positive way, and it's fucking dope, especially to us cartman stans who so badly want him to be good. and he is good right! he's doing so good!
and i know im up my own ass rn but yall know how much i myself have campaigned for jewish kyman/cartman and how much i just deeply and truly adore it, and to see it actualized in a canon episode to some extent? that meant the world to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was tellin lai - that's the most genuine, pure, almost violent happiness ive felt in my soul in years. that was like a straight shot of serotonin to the heart. that simple little scene made me so fucken happy yall dont even know. & theres a lot to be said about the political commentary and plenty of other people are analyzing that, but im a simple jewish kyman & cartman stan and boy ive been fed good fjskfkdkdkfk!!!
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nightglider124 · 5 years ago
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U doin okay night? Saw ur posts from yesterday and u seemed rly low? Hope ur feelin happier today? :/
Ha... you know... not really tbh. Ive been feeling really shit for a while and honestly... i just feel really alone. I dont feel i have anyone around me and i feel like... most of my friends, both in real life and on here merely tolerate me nowadays rather than wanting to speak to me.
Not that anyone does really try to speak to me much anymore. I feel like most people ignore me or just dont actually like me anymore, even people who i consider friends. Nobody seems interested in things i say or do much anymore and its okay, i’d get sick of me too after a while ha.
But ya know thats the thing about depression. It cant be helped and tbh, its been getting steadily worse for me. Its gone downhill and im finding it harder to be happy go lucky and positive nowadays.
Despite what some people might think, i hate me too bc I know all i do is complain and be unhappy lately and im no fun so im not surprised people have stopped bothering with me. I know i whine and i moan and I just am not really joyful to interact with. I get it and i dont blame people for wanting to leave me to it.
Im a hassle and im a burden and i feel that already. I know it so its fine.
Just like i know there are probably people who i consider friends reading this and shrugging or rolling their eyes bc yet again, im posting about being upset. Like i said, i get it and i know im a bother.
But at the same time... it really hurts when my feelings dont even get acknowledged meanwhile someone else has an upset episode and people rush to make them feel better immediately. Idk i guess im just tired of feeling like i dont matter to anyone.
Im... just really not in happy spirits most days as of late and... idk if its gonna go away. Tomorrow i might be happy and positive and “back to normal” but then it might all go to shit again the next day.
I didnt mean for this answer to turn into a vent and im sorry for being a depressing little shit.
I truly see it and understand why people dont like me much nowadays. Its why im trying to stay off here some more and why ive stayed logged out of discord the last couple days too.
Just feels better if i stay in my little corner and keep to myself where i dont annoy others haha.
But thanks for checking in. It really is appreciated. 💜
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madisonrooney · 8 years ago
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STORIES FROM TONIGHT
most celeb intereactions were pretty quick but ill mention the highlights
ronni hawk remembered having lunch with me last year she was like “yah that was with gus!”
zachary gibson we were just waving at from the bleachers and figured he wasn’t allowed to come see is but he CAME ALL THE WAY UP FOR PICS AND EVERYTHING HE WAS SO NICE
WE WERE SITTING LITERALLY RIGHT ACROSS FROM LAUREN DONZIS, THE BEST FRIENDS WHENEVER CAST, THE GAMERS GUIDE CAST, AND LIKE A TON MORE
when they mentioned liv and maddie and we cheered we exchanged like thumbs up with lauren it was awesome
MEKAI WAS SO FLATTERED WHEN I BROUGHT UP MILO. he wrote you rock in my autograph omg
dove we’ll uh....save for the end
I MET COLTON TRAN FOR THE FIRST TIME YAY
AND I MET BOOBOO AND KENNY AGAIN. and i got to thank kenny for posting that pic of me and how much its impacted my life and he said god bless you D: we also saw him from the bleachers and first he signaled D2 at us and then he blew us kisses. this man is so great.
china was super talkative omg she called me like the #1 descendants fan and was super flattered that i told her i loved ant farm
dylan playfair was super talkative too!!
I MET THE WHOLE ANDI MACK CAST AND THEYRE ALL THE NICEST PEOPLE EVER??? I HAD LIKE CONVERSATIONS WITH LILAN AND SOFIA AND THEY WERE SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THE SHOW AND SO HUMBLED AND THEYRE JUST SO AWESOME. i bet this was their first big event as a cast so im sure it was really special for them :’D
jet and nikki are amazing. idk if ive mentioned before that i met jet at sabrinas iheartradio concert??? i didnt have my phone so i couldnt take a pic. BUT HES AN ANGEL HE RAN UP TO US TODAY AND HUGGED US AND WAS JUST SO HAPPY AND ADORABLE AND SO WAS NIKKI
i said zuka zama to joshua when i saw him during the show and a few hours later he said it again to say goodbye omg
CAMERONNNNNNNN the second i showed him the pic of me in the maddie costume he said :O HEYYYYYY!!!!! and gave me the biggest hug and he was like YOU CALLED IN!!!! (referring to radio disney a few weeks ago) and like GOD DAMN THIS KID HAS THE BEST MEMORY
and he and booboo and i readressed that theyre expecting me to dress up as all four of them for d23 lmao
IM SO HAPPY I MET AULI’I CRAVALHO OMG. ONE OF THE PEOPLE I WAS MOST EXCITED ABOUT ALL NIGHT. i told her how amazing i think she is in moana and just as a person and she gave me a hug without me even asking for one i jsut omg
we got to talk to brenna for a while and i got to show her some of my descendants swag i had on me :D
and the performances were awesome omg like a lot more i was interested in than last year tbh!! the moana medley, sabrinas thumbs performance RECREATING THE MUSIC VIDEO, AND SOFIA PERFORMING BABY ONE MORE TIME IN LIKE THE CUTEST OUTFIT EVER?????
and for the first time i got to see my sister in law ms noah cyrus bless up
i covered everything right? thats it?
OHHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i did not expect to see her tonight. really the chances were slim. but we managed to get over to her.
i pulled out my phone to remind her who i was, and much like at one of the first tapings she says, “you don’t need to show me that, i know who you are”
i just couldnt say a god damn word. i just fell into her arms. i held onto her as long as i could so i could re-memorize what that feels like so i can recreate it whenever i need it. i wasnt crying quite yet but i was close and she asked if i was ok omg
i say, to justify why im so emotional, “ITS BEEN SO. LONG.” without me having to say anything else, she looks me in the eye, and says “i love you”
that is all i needed and more. you guys have no idea WELL I MEAN YOU PROBABLY DO CONSIDERING HOW MUCH I POST ABOUT THIS SHIT
i flashed my descendants bracelet real quick and just went back to my seat. buried my face in my hands and started sobbing.
i never thought id cry meeting her more than once, but honestly the numerous cancelled tapings took such a toll on me. i just wanted to see her at least one more time after the last taping. i know d23 is coming but how far that was away was killing me. the fact that i got this even sooner is just.....im on top of the world. guys.
i cried again like 20 min later when i called my mom to tell her about this. GUYS IM NOT USUALLY LIKE THIS. IM NOT USUALLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT HAPPY THINGS. THATS JUST HOW MUCH IM IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL.
i finally got the thing ive been wanting for months and i am finally content. i couldnt be happier.
oh and on a final note THE VIP GIFT BAGS CAME WITH EXCLUSIVE RDMAS TSUM TSUMS!?!??!?!?!? I DIED A BIT WHEN I OPENED MY BAG
ok thanks for reading see you next year
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surveymeupmate · 8 years ago
Text
Survey w/ ella
Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? e- no. not yet. no, dont put that 
k- defo not 
Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? e- idk
k- in some ways 
Do you like someone? e- yes 
k- sadly
Is a best friend pissing you off right now? e- no, i luv em
k- no
Are you happier now or three months ago? e- probably now but only a tiny bit more 
k- defo three months ago lmao 
What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? e- saw jack, it was good, it was nice 
k- ...
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? e- never
k- dead
Are you waiting for something? e- probably yeh
k- exams to be finished 
If you could change your eye color would you? e- nah i dont suit any others 
k- the ones that are like two colours or a brighter green 
What was the weather like today? e- shit
k- the usual 
Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? e- fuck knows 
k- hopefully not
Does your ex still love/like you? e- no
k- hahahahahahahahahah
Are you stubborn? e- yes 
k- depends
Do you tend to hold a grudge? e- depends, i can do 
k- depends 
Where were you at 9am this morning? e- in bed, not my bed but a bed 
k- same but my bed 
How has the week been? e- good? yeh, good.  a bad start but finished off great 
k- a rollercoaster 
Did you go out or stay in last night? e- went out, well i stayed in but not in mine
k- both
Something you do a lot? e- complain 
k- overthink
How many states have you lived in? e- 0
k- none
Can you commit to one person? e- yeh
k- not at the moment 
Who was the last person to hold your hand? e- jack 
k- tom :////
How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? e- depends, like i dont have a specific 3 strikes and ur out 
k- same
Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? e- i hope so
k- same 
What do you miss most about your ex? e- nothing cos we’re besties 
k- im not getting into this rn 
Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? e- yeh
k- nope 
What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? e- he loves oasis n he’s cute 
k- hes a dick
Something you really want right now? e-  *sexual thoughts* 
k- emotional stability 
e- yeah that would be nice as well
How long have you liked the person you like? e- a month but ive mega liked him for the past few weeks 
k- proper liked him since the 6th of may
Does any part of your body hurt right now? e- my side a tiny bit but not rly... actually i have a headache now i think about it
k- my throat 
Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? e- yeh i think everyone saw me 
k- no 
Can you recall the last time you liked someone? e- yeh now 
k- same 
Are you happy with the way things are going? e- some of them 
k- not at all i want to die™
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? e- maybe 
k- hopefully not 
What plans do you have for tomorrow? e- dying and also being dead
k- same 
Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? e- *shakes head*
k- idk man 
Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? e- urm no
k- not my all but a bit
Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? e- yeh only a few times, many times
k- yeah 
Do you and your last ex hate each other? e- no
k- no but we should 
When was the last time you were sick? e- like a week ago
k- maybe soon 
Are you one of those people who are always cold? e- no
k- yes 
Do you tend to waste a lot of money?
e-  probably
k- yes
Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
e- nooooo? 
k- yes 
When was the last time you got a haircut? e- a month or two ago
k- a while ago
Did you sing at all today? e- yeh 
k- yeh 
Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? e- the weather cos i dont drive 
k- same 
Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? e- noo?
k- i think i might ?
Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? e- typing, but it has to be a laptop
k- texting
If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? e- give it away 
k- depends
In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? e- fuck knows 
k- emotions are not real, simply chemicals to help us survive 
Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? e- neither, im not arsed 
k- idk man 
When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? e- skinny
k- same 
Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? e- i want to say break dancer because they are cooler but being a ballerina is peng so in conclusion neither 
k- break dancer 
When it comes to Baseball would you rather be on the field or in the stands? e- in the stands
k- i rly dont give a shit about baseball tbh
I’ve got to know, who do you prefer: Mario or Luigi? e- Luigi, no mario, actually neither *goes on the name all the characters in the franchise*
k- idk man 
Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? e- probaly, yeh like on the beach 
k- yeh 
How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? e- 4 and 1 
k- 4 
Yes or no: Techno music?
e- neither can it depends 
k- idk 
Yes or no: pigtails?
e- sometimes 
k- sure
They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? e- do they?
k- a lot of things 
Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? e- well yeh
k- yeh
Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? e- no 
k- i dont think so 
If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? e- i could but id get sick of the paparazzi 
k- maybe idk 
Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? e- no
k- i dont think so 
Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? e- yeh loads 
k- shes legit in front of me rn 
Do you get on better with funny or serious people? e- funny
k- depends how im feeling but funny most of the time 
Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? e- yeh but i have them all the time 
k- maybe idk 
Have your friends met the last person you kissed? e- yeh
k- yeh 
How old is your oldest cousin? e- i am the oldest cousin so 17 
k- idk late 20s 
What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? e- id be like katie why are you holding ur own hand lol 
k- i dont think she would tbh
Your last relationship, who dumped who? e- katie dumped me what a dickhead, wait we never actually broke up, katie im breaking up with u 
k- it was mutual, kind of 
How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? e- 16
k- 14 i think.
Is your home town nice? e- no, not the town center anyways, its a mess
k- its better than some places i guess 
What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? e- it would be fun ;)
k- idk man, it would be chill 
When/where did your last hug take place? e- in toms brothers bed this morning, more of a cuddle than a hug 
k- in toms doorway last night 
Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? e- yeh
k-obvs 
Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? e- yeh, i know my mums entire life 
k- a little bit
You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? e- dunno katie but obvs not rn 
k- ella probs 
Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? e- yeh
k- yeh 
Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? e- yes and yes 
k- yes and no
What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? e- idk what this phrase means 
k- i would b like ella what about jack 
Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. e- no
k- no
Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? e- no
k- asleep  cos i love sleep but im happy chilling atm 
When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? e- can do 
k- a lil bit
Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? e- no
k- i think it was something to do w/ shit that is stressing me out but i cant remember that well
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wearethejerkoffs · 8 years ago
Note
1-100 ;;;-)
1. How long have you had a Tumblr?2011 i think? 2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?his name is justin. he had a gf at the time and kissed me (shitty af) in a library. it was nothing special. i really liked him though. 3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?dating emilio for as long as i did. 4 Favorite Songs at the moment?i cant pick its too hard 5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?i am not wild6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?i erase this shit from my mind7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?they come from myself hahahh 8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?just successful and happy. 9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?theyre fine just dont make them your top priority 10. What are your views on religion?believe what you want. dont bash me for not believing in anything though. 11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?of course. i get sad, hoe. 12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.i am very open. there is very little people dont know about me. 13. last really important text you got?ky cam saying shes down to shop w me and maddie :)14. Can you let go?not easily 15. Discuss your first love.have i even had one?16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.i dont have an ipod but fuck i wish i DID17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.visit? probably canada. id move there too. or wisconsin. 19. What are your views on mainstream music?no beef, i dont often find stuff i vibe with on the radio but i have18. Are you currently missing someone?more than anything 19. At what age do you think people should have sex?prolly high school, but really whenever you are comfortable. 20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?highs: leaving my abuser! getting a job i love! leaving people who are shitty and toxic! meeting rachel! meeting jessie! seeing amity!lows: spending the first half with my abuser! self harming again! crashed my car! 21. What are your strongest beliefs?i believe in aliens and ghosts (who doesn't?) i believe in an after life. 22. Who are you closest to in your family?my brother hes my best friend damn near 23. How important do you think education is?pretty important. i dont think college is necessary. 24. What’s one of your favorite shows?how i met your mother25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?i am stronger and happier. i have better friends and just a happier life. 26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.ryan ross, detective nick amaro, the rock, young matthew lillard, and ellen page27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.nick and norahs infinite playlist. its about a girl falling for a dude thru the mix cds he made his ex (her friend) and meets him at the club and soends the whole night with him looking for her drunk friend and a secret show. 28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?aalyssa. shes so interesting to me and i could listen to her talk for hours. 29. What kind of person attracts you?lanky emo boys. douchebags. pretty girls. 30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?i want to find another job 31. Name something that you miss.dhanes laugh. 32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.get in the shape i want to. thats it. 33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? anytime i see michael and rachel its a highlight. low point: my FUCKING CAR GETTING HIT. 34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?molly damn near. 35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?tummy. its too big. 36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?eeeek i cant remember.37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?no i dont but i wish i did. 38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? yep. i love you dhane! i love you christian! 39. What is your purpose in life?do i really have one? 40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?today at a sad facebook video 41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? we would have sex i love you ryan ross 42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?nevershoutnever. you fuckin know why. 43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.goods: im very empathetic. i look out for people. im fucking funnybads: im too nice. i get angry very fast. im petty. 44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? yes!! i love to just make pasta with chicken and homemade pizza. 45. What was the last decision you regretted making?probably fucking sy hahahaha 46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?nope47. Do you ever wish you were famous?not really 48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?emilio said some of the most disgusting shit to me for months. dude told me he was gonna kill me hella times and how i should just end my life already! fucks wrong with that dude? 50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?just want people to remember the good about me and my laugh 51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?not really52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?hell no whats the point 53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?yes54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?drive around with me and not make fun of me while i sob my eyes out. thanks becca! thanks jessie!55. What is one of your favorite memories?amity performing youngbloods. thanks for making me cry! 58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?becca bought me an amity ticket, i love that bitch. emilio got me a stuffed animal that is sully so that was pretty nice of him to do (rare) my fav is when people give me flowers. 59. Have you ever had your heart broken?yeah im a sensitive bitch. not his fault tho!60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?yeah like mostly where i live. i would just like to leave here. 61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? problem solving62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?open letter. deaths hand. i hate hartley. youngbloods. chasing ghosts. 65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?becca had my back throughout my past relationship. she really did everything for me. s/o to her for being legit the best person i have ever met. 66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?watch more tv68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?get trump out of office. thats all i got. i dont know much about the government. 69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?id say halloween. i like the spooks. 70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.the nice anons i get. thanks guys. 71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?honestly? probably scooby. 72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?scooby doo theme song. i love that shit. 74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?idk i never think about my wedding plans tbh. something alternative ideally. maybe something by flatsound or across the universe. 75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?nope 76. What’s one thing you can not live without?becca! 77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?idk i will really do anything for anyone. mostly just helping out with driving. 78. Are you a girly girl?i dont think so 79. What color is your bed?black80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?dark. ideally brunette. 81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?hell yes but not his fault 82. Do you have a best friend?yes. s/o to becca. s/o to maddie. s/o to tony. 82. What song makes you cry the most?i cant even pick. probably something by flatsound 83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?eeeeeekkkk...... i have no idea...... honestly for some reason all that comes to mind is 21 jump street and thats weird 84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?im just tryna kiss a gurl85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?yes for sure. i will never forgive my abusers. 86. Ever been really drunk?sadly87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?not really. these people were saying i do bars and thats pretty fucked up considering ive never taken prescription pills for "fun"89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? yeah i'm not gonna talk about it 90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?i did, i should start again. 
91. Do you like somebody?yep :-)92. Craziest shit ever done?im not crazy 93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?the kid that hung himself because people spread rumors that his girlfriend killed herself. 94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?i have no idea because im never having kids. 95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?marie96. Are you in a relationship?no 97. Do you enjoy drama?not really98. Are you a virgin?nope99. Are you short or tall?short100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? amber is 31, erin is 29, and tony is 16
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the-kipsabian · 8 years ago
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so hey lemme tell you about my main man daniel avidaniel since today is his birthday and im not sure if ive shared this story with the world yet/in a long ass time
year 2013. i am a depressed student trying to get a degree on a dead job field for a title that today actually means absolutely fucking nothing. i find this magical land called youtube and by some twists and turns end up watching game grumps
jon leaves. im sad. it takes a while, but dan happens. im like, ‘alright cool we’ll see what happens with him’. i gave him a chance, i liked him. he was funny, adorable, and fit pretty much picture perfectly in my aesthetic of a tall lanky ass musical nerd boy
summer 2013. i listen way too much ninja sex party. my life is pretty much saved cause i felt happier than i did in a long while before that, thanks to this ridiculous music i found that makes me smile and deal with stuff with more happiness. they actually acknowledged and liked my tweet regarding this fact as well (..that i thought i had screencapped but apparently not but trust me this moment does exist)
comes november 2013. now this. this is where our story takes place. everything else so far has been the relevant backstory to this, its been building up to this very moment. you know what happened in november 2013? i started writing my novel. you know what else happened in november 2013? that fateful episode of wind waker where dan talks about his past with depression and what its like to be an artist
you see, i never trusted myself prior to that point. tbh before that episode aired and i watched it way too many times to count, i was 99% ready to give up writing what i had worked on so far. i was ready to call it quits, i wasnt good, nothing fucking mattered. then the episode hit, it hit me hard, and its like.. he went through this shit. im going through this shit. he survived. i can survive. he believes in me. im fucking crying excuse me
anyways. that episode, the real talk with dan? it encouraged me to continue writing, i eventually actually finished that draft of the novel, sure it was and still is shit but at least i have it. i did it. and from that day forward as well, ive been more open about calling myself a writer and believing in those words myself as well. because of dan. cause if nobody else, he believes in me
he made me believe im a writer. sure his words werent directly aimed at me and im aware of that, but you dont even understand the impact that stuff had on me. it made me finish a novel draft. A. NOVEL. me. a binch who hasnt done shit in years prior to that and who has always dreamed about writing a novel. i did it. he helped me. and all that real talk anyways helped me through so much rough shit at that moment its just. i have no words for it. he basically saved me at that point if im being honest with you here
(bonus part to this story; did u kno? my previous screen name was ‘mistressharper’. you know why despite how it sounded? again cause of that november story, but it also stuck around cause it was basically what i like to call ‘dan approved’. now of course he didnt say that he approved of it, and i dont have a link to prove this following statement either cause that video is gone cause fuck you polaris, but along came a really good episode of friendzone live (i believe it was the ps4 release episode? either that or the xbox one one) where they had dan and brian there too. i did my usual thing and tweeted dumb shit that they sometimes show on air, and one of my horrible tweets went through, it was read out loud on air and 1. dan laughed at it cause this pun was terrible and 2. as they flashed it on the screen, he read my screen name (i still remember his voice ‘ooh, mistress harper’) and he did this
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long story short i freaked out, im still freaking out, and that name was dan approved so there. i have been acknowledged by my main man daniel avidaniel in at least some universe that i can claim to be mine cause theres a goddamn motherfucking ocean between him and my broke tiny ass so i will never meet him in person to tell him how much he actually means to me. rip me)
i fucking love dan avidan y’all hes my everything i dont tag him as sweet prince for nothing you know
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wdfa · 8 years ago
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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME
warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.
im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.
last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 
i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 
in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES
first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 
and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!
i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.
it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.
all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!
what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!
ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.
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katysthoughts · 8 years ago
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today has been shit. like, actually shit. first of all, getting out of bed was physically painful because of how exhausted i am (i always am tbh) and i just... it was a mess. i was too tired to have a panic attack this morning and got into school only on the basis that i had given up trying not to. i then had counselling and (kinda) opened up to her about feeling like shit for over a month (the bad periods) and she said i need to see a doctor. i then explained about hypothyroidism and she requested i move the blood test forward so that i can get a diagnosis and put on medication if it IS that before GCSE's so fingers crossed. i kind of hope it is just so i can have a diagnosis and get better. and also have an answer to why i have been feeling the way i do. ive been insanely tired today, to the point where i nearly passed out in english from exhaustion, its not even like i dont sleep!!! my friendship group situation seems to be on the right tracks. 🐋 talked to 👨‍👦today and im hoping it means 👨‍👦 has a better understanding of everything im going through and we can get better. ☀️ seems to be happy lately (or happier) and her emotions effect me A LOT. when shes giggling and ranting and stuff it boosts my mood slightly because im... admiring her almost. its strange but i know what i mean. she makes me laugh. but when shes mad it makes me really anxious. so sometimes its good, other times, not so much. to add to the fun mix, my german teacher is trying to make me redo my speaking presentation exam. aka, the exam that made me have a panic attack daily for two weeks over. she can fuck off if she thinks im doing it again. ☀️yelled at my teacher and stood up for me when she mentioned it and miss completely ignored her while i was trying not to cry in class. the, when i got out of school (straight after) i was crying silently on the way to the car, and as soon as i got in i just started sobbing and my mum held my hand while i explained about my shit day. she said she would book me an appointment though thankfully. im just such a depressing mess lately and im honestly 100% done with it. i will literally do anything to be better at this point. anything. i will confess my love to my arch enemy if it means i can be normal. im pissed at people for no reason (not you 🐋 you're being the BEST person in this situation i love you so much) and i just... idk... i want to feel something other than depression, fear or anxiety for once...
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we-are-the-sickness · 8 years ago
Note
1-117
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?bc i have a dissassociation issue2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?oui!3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?if it started to impare their ability to function and feel then yeah id care4: Do you find it easy to trust others?not usually5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?i think i was trying to sleep but cramps 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?tbh probably samm bc she doesnt have a sense of direction and would be lost too7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?be crushed lmao8: Are you close with your dad?to a point9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?i wish10: What are you listening to?the fkn theme song for agents of shield is in my head11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?....water12: Do you like hickeys?i aint kno yet13: What time do you go to bed?whenever i can fall asleep lmao14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?my parents15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?mmm close16: Do you always answer your texts?i try,,,17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?nup18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?moments ago19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?oui!!20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?i was probably thinkin abt what color curtains id want21: Is anyone else in the room with you?nope 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?yeah i think so23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?NOP24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?mmmm actually right now im happy where im at with all my relationships 25: In the past week, have you cried?yep26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?gray27: Do people ever call you by your last name?oui its kinda a thing you do with my family name28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?i have no clue29: Do you have a best friend?oui!30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?uh yeah id die31: Who was your last call/text message from?i think ali sent me baby pics even tho idk the baby32: Are you mad at anyone?plenty!33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?lol ye34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?20 35: How many more days until your birthday?like 7 months36: Do you have any summer plans yet?my summer plans r over now i gotta move lmao37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?a few!38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?i dont think so lmao 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?things in my childhood that ive repressed40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?in the far past41: Do you think age matters in relationships?depends42: Are you available?nope 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?no idea44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?ive thought abt nips and tongue but im definitely gonna get my nose pierced 45: Do you believe exes can be friends?sure!46: Do you regret anything?part of me says yes but ya know i wouldnt be where i am or who i am if i took back those experiences so47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?how tf am i gonna pack the entire house48: Did you ever lose a best friend?yes49: Was your last kiss a mistake?definitely not50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?bich i did the fuck 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?I KISSED HER WHILE I WAS CRYING THE FUCK52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Evry day53: What was the last thing you ate?a tortilla 54: Did you get any compliments today?i got called cute55: Where are you going on your next vacation?no idea56: Do you own anything from other countries?siiii!57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?atm girls58: Where have you lived most of your life?northern illinois 59: When was the last time you took a long drive?last week60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?i dont think so61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?nope62: Who do you text the most?probably either samm & gemi or ali63: What was the last movie you saw?WONDER WOMAN64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?GOOD QUESTION 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?166: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?Nope67: Do you curse around your parents?i have but not often68: Are you happy with where you live?hell no69: Picture of yourself?knotyginger add me on sc for pix70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?monogamous 71: Have you ever been dumped?ye72: What do you most like about making out?i like touch like,,a lot73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?nope74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?not usually me75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?all but i love my girls smile76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?sammi77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?noooo omg78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?definitely not79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?samm recalling things abt me make me all 💗80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?i dont see anything wrong w it81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?*stares into the distance* i think?82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?depends83: Do you miss your last sweetie?current* yes84: Last time you slow danced with someone?the 4th of july85: Have you ever ��dated’ someone you’ve never met?ye86: How can I win your heart?is ur name Samantha and r u a breathing meme87: What is your astrological sign?aquarius 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?cant remember 89: Do you cook?yep!90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?wild yeah91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?taken 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?i dont date lmao93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?uhhhhhh they smile gotta make me 💗94: Name four things that you wish you had!a dogesamm w mea carglasses95: Are you a player?god no96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?noop97: Are you a tease?INSIDE I AM BUT OUTSIDE I AM NOT 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?si!!99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?yea100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?yeees101: Hugs or Kisses?both102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?nah103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?facial structure 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?im usually the one that says babe but ye!105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?nah106: Do you flirt a lot?ud have to ask samm lmao107: Your last kiss?last week108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?god no109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?yes110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?i think tHATS OBVS 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?yeees112: Does someone like you currently?im pretty suuure yes ong113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?mmmmmhmmmmm114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?serious 115: Ever made out with just a friend?nope116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?right now im happy mostly because im with the person ive deeply been wanting to be with for yrs so im okay with being alone but im happy right now117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.mmmmmmmmmmthank u!!! i did not realize how relationship centered these asks were omg
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theunlovedbabe · 7 years ago
Note
1 - 117 ( :] )
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? 
im confused about how the fuck im going to do this mini series of paintings that my stepmum came up with and i said id do 
2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? 
sometimes i get them from ash but usually its just me seeing ones she sent after i fell asleep the next morning 
3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? 
not really 
4: Do you find it easy to trust others? 
sometimes 
5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? 
tumblr? i think? 
6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? 
@yngandmnce 
7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? 
leave them 
8: Are you close with your dad?
kinda? 
9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? 
nope but i sure do wish i had 
10: What are you listening to? 
bonkers by dizzee rascal  
11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? 
water 
12: Do you like hickeys? 
honestly ive never had one but fuck do i want one 
13: What time do you go to bed? 
somewhere between 11pm and 2am 
14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? 
myself 
15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? 
nope
16: Do you always answer your texts? 
i try to 
17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? 
havent fallen for anybody? 
18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? 
couple minutes ago 
19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? 
not really? 
20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 
cant say (: 
21: Is anyone else in the room with you? 
i sure hope not 
22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? 
yup 
23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? 
n o p e 
24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? 
everybody? ive messed up so much lol 
25: In the past week, have you cried? 
no 
26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? 
navy 
27: Do people ever call you by your last name? 
my history teacher did for a while but it was odd since he couldnt pronounce it 
28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? 
not that i know of 
29: Do you have a best friend? 
@yngandmnce is my one and only best friend 
30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? 
havent kissed anybody? im good 
31: Who was your last call/text message from? 
ash 
32: Are you mad at anyone?
nope 
33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? 
no 
34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 
still havent kissed anybody 
35: How many more days until your birthday? 
280 
36: Do you have any summer plans yet? 
well im currently staying with my dad and stepmum in england but we go back to michigan next monday /: 
37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? 
yeah 
38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? 
nope 
39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? 
kinda? 
40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? 
still never kissed anybody 
41: Do you think age matters in relationships? 
in matters of the law and shit yes 
42: Are you available? 
yup (; 
43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
im still in high school so zero? 
44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? 
my lip 
45: Do you believe exes can be friends? 
yeah 
46: Do you regret anything?
everything 
47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? 
(: still cant say (: 
48: Did you ever lose a best friend? 
define lose 
49: Was your last kiss a mistake? 
waiting on that first kiss still mate 
50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? 
because i currently dont like anybody lol 
51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? 
somebody kiss me so i can answer these 
52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? 
any takers? still looking for a first kiss here 
53: What was the last thing you ate? 
a cookie 
54: Did you get any compliments today? 
nope 
55: Where are you going on your next vacation? 
hell 
56: Do you own anything from other countries? 
yup 
57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? 
girls tbh 
58: Where have you lived most of your life? 
michigan 
59: When was the last time you took a long drive? 
couple days ago 
60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? 
nope 
61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? 
no 
62: Who do you text the most? 
ash 
63: What was the last movie you saw? 
in theatre it was spiderman homecoming but in general it was deadpool 
64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
currently single 
65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? 
none??? i was 9??? 
66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? 
yup no first kiss yet 
67: Do you curse around your parents? 
sometimes 
68: Are you happy with where you live? 
no 
69: Picture of yourself? 
h a 
70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? 
im not to big on open ended relationships but im all for polyamory 
71: Have you ever been dumped?
nope 
72: What do you most like about making out? 
idk somebody want to make out with me so i can find out? 
73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? 
read answer to 72 
74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?
read answer to 72
75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? 
all?? all of their body??? 
76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? 
ash 
77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? 
im 15
78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? 
i m 1 5 
79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?
jokes that make no sense 
80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? 
depends on where im at in life 
81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? 
nope so somebody better fess up soon lol 
82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? 
mainly ash 
83: Do you miss your last sweetie? 
what 
84: Last time you slow danced with someone? 
never
85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? 
nope 
86: How can I win your heart? 
literally show interest in me 
87: What is your astrological sign? 
taurus 
88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 
(: 
89: Do you cook?
i bake? close enough? 
90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? 
no 
91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
yes 
92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? 
not to sure honestly 
93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? 
exists? 
94: Name four things that you wish you had! 
a life, the will to live, cake, more skinny jeans 
95: Are you a player? 
nope 
96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? 
nope 
97: Are you a tease? 
i can be but not all the time. usually i am if i know something will come from it 
98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? 
not yet 
99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? 
nope
100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? 
not currently 
101: Hugs or Kisses? 
hugs i guess? 
102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? 
very 
103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? 
personality 
104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? 
very cute 
105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? 
nope 
106: Do you flirt a lot? 
i dont think so? 
107: Your last kiss? 
never 
108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? 
nope 
109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? 
nope 
110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? 
literally any guy that shows interest. thats where im at 
111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? 
no 
112: Does someone like you currently? 
probably not 
113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? 
not really 
114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? 
relationships 
115: Ever made out with just a friend? 
no
116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? 
no clue 
117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. 
w h y ? 
0 notes
pninaharchive · 8 years ago
Note
Just one number? What if you answered them all? It will take a while, but time is just an illusion.
LMAO luv a challenge thank u 💐 read more bc it got long obviously
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?
ahh okay well i think about who i am as a person and whether im good or bad and recently in my reflections i realized that i have control issues?? and how to work with that is confusing to me but
2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
no lol
3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?
no unless it was interfering with our relationship somehow?
4: Do you find it easy to trust others?
yes and no?? i dont really trust a lot of people but im very optimistic and idealistic and so i never assume the worst of people. like if someone lied to me i prob wouldnt assume so unless it was glaringly obvious
5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?
sleeping lmao
6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?
this would never happen in my life oh my god i plan too much to not have a dd and a charged phone w access to a gps 
7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
break up w the person and prob not talk to them again
8: Are you close with your dad?
no i dont talk to him
9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
i havent kissed anyone since 8th grade 
10: What are you listening to?
currently im watching ink master in the background but in terms of music ive been playing big thief’s masterpiece and diiv’s is the is are
11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?
water lmao
12: Do you like hickeys?
ive never had one so idk for sure but the idea of it isnt super appealing to me
13: What time do you go to bed?
anywhere between like 11 pm to????? 3 am but usually closer to 11 bc i cant sleep in 
14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
every man in my life
15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?
no not at all im so bad at 1 handed texting
16: Do you always answer your texts?
no LMAO unless its my mom or abby
17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
i dont know that ive ever fallen before
18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
an hour ago
19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
abby and angel and my bunny
20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
i dont remember i think i was thinking about tattoos
21: Is anyone else in the room with you?
my brother
22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?
no there are plenty of shitty people who are doing just fine
23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
noooooo way 
24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
no im kinda fine with the people i choose not to speak to 
25: In the past week, have you cried?
no
26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?
black
27: Do people ever call you by your last name?
my last name is 9 letters long absolutely not
28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?
no
29: Do you have a best friend?
ya abby lmao love that bitch
30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
no. see #9
31: Who was your last call/text message from?
angel
32: Are you mad at anyone?
always
33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
see #30
34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
see #33. probably 19 or 20 idk
35: How many more days until your birthday?
345
36: Do you have any summer plans yet?
yes!!! im going to maine with my mom and her gf and abby soon and me and abby are gonna tear it up the rest of the summer.
37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
i have no male friends currently
38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?
never
39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
i dont think so
40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
yes lmao see #34
41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
absolutely especially when either of the people is below 20 or so
42: Are you available?
emotionally, romantically, and sexually yes
43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
i feel like i feel strongly for most people i meet im not really a casual person
44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?
i kind of want to get my other nostril pierced??? other than that i think medusa piercings are really pretty
45: Do you believe exes can be friends?
if both of the people are emotionally mature enough definitely
46: Do you regret anything?
most things
47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
um ive been thinking abt my chronic illness lol bc i dont think im actively bleeding internally anymore but wondering how much blood ive lost bc ive been really exhausted and i think it might be anemia
48: Did you ever lose a best friend?
every one except the ones i currently have
49: Was your last kiss a mistake?
yes like see #40
50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
i dont like anyone currently i wish i did
51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
no
52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?
no oh my god see #49
53: What was the last thing you ate?
i just had some pasta
54: Did you get any compliments today?
i think someone said they liked my shoes
55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
maine!!!
56: Do you own anything from other countries?
probably but i couldnt tell u for sure my dude
57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?
girls
58: Where have you lived most of your life?
rhode island
59: When was the last time you took a long drive?
sunday
60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
no has anybody
61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
no has anybody
62: Who do you text the most?
abby i guess?? i dont really text that much
63: What was the last movie you saw?
i watched young frankenstein but ive seen that before
64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
dont have a gf
65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?
none lmao i was in like 7th grade
66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?
idfk see #52
67: Do you curse around your parents?
yeah
68: Are you happy with where you live?
not really i wish i was on my own in like europe or some shit
69: Picture of yourself?
check out my insta boiii
70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
i think it depends on the other person?? i could be open to either i think
71: Have you ever been dumped?
no
72: What do you most like about making out?
passion
73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?
lets play a game called how many ways can i say im a virgin
74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 
i feel like this set of questions has something against me
75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?
i like!! tummies and legs
76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
my mom probably
77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?
gOD
78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?
aoidsfkfkl
79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?
ummmmmmmm honest compliments and affection 
80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?
probably not right now bc im not ready or interested in kids but maybe someday 
81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?
a couple people 
82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?
not usually but i havent had a crush in a long time
83: Do you miss your last sweetie?
what the fuck
84: Last time you slow danced with someone?
prom last year
85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?
olive is my boo
86: How can I win your heart?
ugghgh idk openness and honesty, passion, similar interests, buying me flowers
87: What is your astrological sign?
gemini!!
88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
sleeping
89: Do you cook?
yes i love cooking!!
90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?
no 
91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
yes im such a fucking romantic
92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?
i think im a monogamous person but im?? also really flexible depending on the other person
93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?
idk im not picky ugh just 
cute
94: Name four things that you wish you had!
a new laptop and purse, money, cute gf 
95: Are you a player?
no im a pussy and also i love women
96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?
no god 
97: Are you a tease?
no
98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?
yes
99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?
no
100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?
yes omg definitely
101: Hugs or Kisses?
kisses!!!!
102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?
absolutely
103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
gross
104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?
only if im interested in them tbh
105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?
no this hypothetical person sounds like a dick
106: Do you flirt a lot?
no
107: Your last kiss?
see #66
108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?
no its like every question is about kissing
109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?
asdfghj
110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
barbie ferreira :(((((((((( 
111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?
no that would be too convenient
112: Does someone like you currently?
not that i know of
113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?
nope
114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
serious relationships
115: Ever made out with just a friend?
no
116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?
who could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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