#i was gonna make them stripey for the classic look | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

my-whumpy-little-heart · 4 years ago

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Tumblr was fighting me on the reblog, so I just made a new post. Thank you so much to @spookyboywhump for tagging me in that picrew chain; I went a little overboard and had a lot of fun!

In order, these are Percival, Floyd, Llyr, Hugh, Ray, and Mabel all from my pirate universe. I’m going to go into a bit more detail under a cut because of course I am, you guys know me, so open that up if you want some excited appearance rambles!

Oh hello, welcome to the forbidden Keep Reading land! Glad to have you here. Just gonna do this list style before I start going wild with transitions or something dumb like that.

Percival - Ah, it’s been ages since we’ve seen this man, hasn’t it? If you’ve been around for a good long while, you might remember me doing a drawing of him and Floyd a while back, and details on both of their appearances have definitely shifted since then. This picrew is more accurate, especially in the hairstyle. The color should be warmer and have streaks of blond in it, but otherwise it definitely looks like him to me.

Some more details to note is that no picrew will ever get his eyes right. They should be lighter and lean a little more towards orange with yellow highlights that are especially prominent when he’s using magic. I’m not sure if he has his nose pierced in canon, but he does have his ears pierced and oh yeah those snake earrings were definitely used because of his reputation as The Serpent. And I love snakes a completely normal amount but that’s totally irrelevant definitely not a driving force what?

(fun side note: i was gonna give him the lemon background because he is a sucker for anything acidic and strong, hence his really weird obsession with vinegar that is the only thing he wants to tell me about himself most days, but then this one looked really pretty so I kept it)

Floyd - We just saw him again if you’ve been keeping up with the Llyr and the Pirates storyline, though this picrew is based more off of his starring role and captivity in Persistence. He doesn’t have piercings in anything we’ve seen so far, but he will canonically get them at some point :D

Other than that, everything’s pretty straightforward. He’s got his collar from Percival, which is technically a more brownish leather and just a little thicker than that, and his eye color should be a little lighter, leaning towards blue-green. Oh, and I gave him a pass on my attempts at kinda realistic clothing because I thought that Floyd would absolutely love this shirt. A shame he isn’t in our time really... I think he would love a lot of funky patterns and stuff in modern fashion. aNYWAYS-

Llyr - My sealy son! I’ve really gotta see if there’s a seal picrew I could use to design his other form lol. But here’s what he’s meant to look like! I think this hairstyle was meant to be used as braids or dreadlocks, but it was the only messy looking one I could find. Because ever since Llyr turned human, his hair has been awfully maintained, and by that I mean Not At All it’s so tangled you couldn’t even pull a brush through it without a good amount of effort. But all the colors are correct here!

If I could very quickly point you in the direction of his cloak, that’s the closest I could get to the way he wears his seal skin when it’s not being taken away from him (*glares at the Offending Individual(s)*). He isn’t wearing a shirt under it because clothes are still super weird feeling to him, and he’d rather go with the bare minimum than feel fabric moving around and clinging to him all day. And he’s being assertive and indignant, because Of Course He Is.

Hugh - Aha, a design! A design for the largely descriptionless bastard man! The hair is pretty accurate for how he wears it currently, though he definitely prefers it shorter than that so it isn’t curling into his face all the time. The color should be darker, closer to a traditional brunette tone, and this picrew is so invalid only because I couldn’t give him the beard that was the only thing I pictured for so long. Hugh has a full chin beard that he also keeps fairly short, but he isn’t able to grow too much of a mustache so that stays as stubble on his upper lip.

As for physique, he’s definitely a lot more muscley than this picrew allowed him to be. The outfit he has on is definitely close to something he got his first night on Gawain’s ship, though a little more tight fitting than it is in reality. Otherwise, I don’t have too much to say on him! Smarmy grin and half lidded eyes is his signature expression for harassing people, but those eyes open up to look a little more friendly most other times.

Ray - Ahhh my sunshine child, always trying his best! *stares at both of my story wips with him* He’s completely fine, both physically and emotionally! But I digress. Here’s Ray on a classic, happy day! This picrew did such a good job with his hair. Wavy, ending just above his shoulders, and sometimes tied up in a ponytail or bun. This honestly looks so accurate to him and I love it.

A note on his coat that also extends to Percival, this choice isn’t super accurate to his coat? Percival’s should be dark red/magenta and Ray’s should be more of a navy blue/green, and both of them should be more tailored, but these were the closest I could get them. My captains really like their fun coats (except Gawain. He likes to stick to protocol uniforms, which in the Law Abiding Business does not include a fun coat)

Mabel - Last, but certainly not least! Mabel is fantastic and this picrew fits her very very well. That shirt is definitely made of some softer flannel-ish material and she wears it on windier or brisker days. Those stripey shirts are some of her favorite patterns aside from No Pattern.

Oh and her hair I really had a blast making here. It wasn’t working out at first because there aren’t a whole lot of options, but I thought to have her put it up and then include that little braid bit and with some curly bangs and little loose bits on the side it really came together! Yellow looked cute with her and I didn’t want the beautiful fruit backgrounds to go to waste, so I gave her some lemons because why not.

Ah and one last note. The only reason y’all aren’t getting a Gawain picrew as well is because 1) even numbers,,,, good,,,,, and actually because 2) he looked absolutely cursed in this picrew and it didn’t represent him quite as well as I’d like. Maybe I’ll doodle him out sometime so you guys can see what he looks like....

Sooo.... yeah.... that was certainly. A Ramble. If you’re still here, I’m so very sorry. I’m going to go get something to eat now. Ah, and everyone I would have tagged has already taken care of this since I took all day, so anyone can go ahead if they’d like.

#literally everyone: i'm gonna make one or two picrews then say a few words before passing this on #me: ahaha yeah i can do that #me just seconds later: oh wait. i'm an idiot.#buuuut anyways I decided on appearances! hugh didn't have one before this!#neither did gawain but he didn't work well at all in this picrew haha #i don't even know who's appearances i've shared with the world before now #did y'all know what mabel looked like? am i a fool? did i forget to say what she looked like?#no matter. you know now and that's all that matters ig #i need to hECKING POST THIS DAMMIT BOA THIS DOESN'T NEED MORE TAGS BUT FIRST #boa speaks #boa is very dumb #picrew #ohhhhhhhhhh do i tag characters #i'm gonna tag the fucking characters fuck this #Percival #Benedict Floyd #Llyr the Selkie #Hugh Williams #Raymond Bates #Mabel Forbes #tHERE #THAT'S IT #I'M DONE MAKING WORDS AAAAAAGH NONE OF THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPENNNNNN

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fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry · 4 years ago

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Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 12

Warning: swearing, several mentions of murder, scaring people out of their pants, Beej being a creep, shotgun use, abusive ex.

The ground was shaking, the house was somehow glitching and green smoke filled the living room. The girls heard a loud, croaky, devilish laugh right before the room turned completely dark. Even the lightning stopped. Sofía held Rei close in fear, while Ari was looking around with lustruous eyes. All of a sudden, a gravelly voice filled the air.

- Welcome, welcome, welcome, lovely ladies! - a weirdly handsome, husky man with fluffy hair, which went from black roots to glowing, bright green tops and stubble colored the same way stood on the dining table. He wore a dirty striped suit with a stripey shirt; a green tie, which had several spots of moss on it; black suspenders; and dirty black leather shoes with stacked heels. He was grinning, showing his sharp double canines; his golden, kind of catlike eyes were shining in excitement. Some random spots of dirt and maybe rotting patterned his face. He put a spotlight on himself, and as he threw his hands above his head, a couple of red neon lights lighted up around him. Some of them were arrows, pointing at him, some of them were captions saying "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice". - Can all of you see me now?

- SHIT HE'S REAL. - screamed Rei.

- Wow. - gasped Ari right before the man jumped down from the table. He landed right in front of her. He locked his gaze in hers and offered her a hand. - You look WAY better than I imagined, based on the voice. - she put her palm in his. - Not so dead... - Beetlejuice lifted Ari up from the ground and as he did, he locked her in his arms, swooped her off her feet and planted a kiss on her lips. Which was followed by a bitchslap from the wide-eyed breather girl. Beetlejuice let Ari go, still smiling like an idiot.

- Sorry, sorry, I got overjoyed, I just had to, I couldn't help myself. Am I overstepping my bounds? - Ari nodded and smiled while she wiped her lips. This man can't be real. Crazy motherfucker is worse than I imagined. - It's just that this whole thing is so beautiful! - his voice got emotional and he put his hands on his chest, where Ari imagined his heart would've been. - You called me! You didn't have to, but you called me!

- The fuck you mean she didn't had to? - asked Rei who let go of Sofía to inspect the demon more closely. Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow, pulled a grimace, snapped his fingers and a couple pieces of furniture appeared before the winter garden's door, making a barricade.

- Solves all ya problems. - he turned back to Ari. - NOW! I'm gonna go, kill those suckers, have some fun, earn some screams, and leave chaos in my wake!

- Yes, good, get on it! - stated Ari, held Beetlejuice's wide shoulders, and turned him around to face the backdoor. - Get'em, tiger. - Sofía jumped in front of them, making Beetlejuice almost fall over.

- Wait, you really want him to do that?!? - Ari gestured with her hand and raised her eyebrows.

- Duuuh, I didn't summon him to play fucking yahtzee! - BJ chuckled and put his elbow on Ari's shoulder.

- I like your jokes but I like hu-mor. - he cooed with a tilted head and a cheesy smile. Ari flashed a kind of annoyed look at him and blinked fast.

- Later, Beetlejuice, later, please, we have so much shit to do and haunt and kill now.

- You can't do that! - said Sofía, still standing before Ari and BJ. - It's not just morally wrong, but don't ya think, Ariadné dearest, that if a bunch of guys get brutally murdered here, we'll have to bury them and having a shitton of mounds in our backyard would raise suspicion? AND since we have such a bad luck, I'm pretty sure the police would find the bodies somehow. - Beetlejuice layed back to the wall, inspecting his dirty black nails, sighing. There's so much trouble with living folks, they always find somethin' to ruin the fun. It's easier with dead guys, you have some problems with them, you just throw 'em to a sandworm and your problems are solved! WAIT...

- Hey, guys, sorry to barge in, but I just wanna state that if you push someone, that’s bullying, if you kill someone, that’s murder, sure, but if there is no evidence and nobody sees it... - he shrugged. - ...it’s a simple accident. - he showed a toothy grin, lightning flashing on his sharp double canines. - And those goddamn sandworms could swallow anyone alive.

- What's a sandworm? - asked Ari excitedly. BJ shrugged.

- Oh ya know, nothing much, just 10-meters-tall two-headed snakes with a killer appetite. If they eat someone, they automatically get deported to the Netherworld, or I dunno how ya folks call it, Purgatory. No problem with the body, or the ghost. - Ari smiled widely and launched herself at Beetlejuice. She hugged his neck tightly.

- YOU ARE A GENIUS! - Beetlejuice just stood still, not knowing what to do with the sudden hug.

- Well, being dead has its perks. - he said with a small, weird laugh. Ari made a disgusted face and quickly let go.

- Ew, you smell like rotten meat. Gross.

- Aww thanks babe! - ha cooed and put his weight from one leg to another like a little kid.

Rei cleared her throat.

- Isn't that swallowing thing still murder though? - Beetlejuice appeared right behind her out of thin air.

- Jesus Christ, Rei, you sexy son of a bitch, grow up! - he said and pinched her booty, then quickly reappeared on the dining table. - Please, sweethearts, shut up already! - he said in a nagging manner. - I'm ready for some people to die! Let me have my fun, you guys are like a snorefest! - the knocking started again, since the bad guys on the other side of the door realized they can't break it.

- Who's there with ya honey? - asked Matt, after hearing BJ talk. - Did... DID YOU HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE?! I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED! ARIADNÉ, DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!!! - BJ pointed at the door.

- See, the stupid motherfucker's even asking for it!

The girls looked at each other. Rei was the first to talk.

- Well, I have a very little patience for stupidity. I say let's get rid of these jerks. - Sofía rolled her eyes and tried to say something but Beetlejuice quickly pointed at her and a metal plate appeared on her lips, making her unable to talk. She flashed an angry look at the demon. But he just shrugged with a wicked smile.

- Silence gives consent.

- There's only one more thing! - stated Rei, which made Beetlejuice do a huge eyeroll.

- WHATTTT.

- Kill only Matt. His henchmen don't deserve death, I mean at least I think so. - she said while looking at Ari. She nodded with pouted lips. - Only scare them. If you can do that. - Beetlejuice held his chest and dramatically made the expression of fainting.

- If I can do that?! What do ya think, what am I, a newbie? - he jumped off the table, booping Rei's nose. - Babes, I've been scaring for like a millennia. I'm the bio-exorcist of the Netherworld, giving houses enemas and shit. - he turned away. - Don't underestimate my power cause I'll be offended! - Ari laughed, jumped next to Beetlejuice who hold his arm out, so she locked arms with him. He stared deeply into her widely opened, emerald green eyes. - So tell me, little wolf, do you want to punish those who have wronged you? - he said in an arousing tone. His gravelly voice made Ari slightly shiver and gulp.

- Y-yes...

- Alright ladies, then let's turn up the juice and see what shakes loose!

With a snap of the fingers, all 4 of them teleported to the kitchen. The metal plate from Sofía's mouth disappeared, which made her kind of relieved, but still left her grouching.

- You snake-ass bitches don't respect the Sister Code... - she grumbled.

- Hey, d'ya want me to put the plate back on your slutty mouth, woman?! - asked Beetlejuice in a sharp tone. Sofía crossed her arms before her chest.

- ...I hate you. - Beetlejuice nodded then turned back to Ari with a devilish smile. His eyes were literally glowing at this point, and maybe he had sharper and a bit more teeth than an average human would have.

- Okay, so first thing first, I'm invoking the "No Judgement” clause of our friendship.

- What? Why? - asked Ari. Beetlejuice layed back to the middle kitchen counter and fixed his jacket. He flashed his glowing, hungry eyes at Ari and winked.

- Cause Imma get a little nasty... - Beetlejuice was interrupted by an angry scream. Matthias was banging on the door so loud at this point that Rei was sure he already broke some of his fingers.

- OPEN UP OR I'LL SHOOT THIS FUCKIN DOOR OPEN! - Ari's lower lip juddered at the sudden shouting. She cupped Beetlejuice's chubby face in her palms, took a deep breath and with heated determination in her eyes she said:

- Make him piss his pants.

- Your wish is my command, babes.

- I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE! - Beetlejuice looked at the door and snapped his fingers. - ONE! - the furniture floated back to their original places. - TWO! - BJ let out a voiceless laugh as he wiggled his fingers and made the whole house pitch black. - FUCK IT! - and with that, right after the sound of barrel-loading a shotgun, the door of the winter garden opened with a creek.

One of the most sobering things in the world must be to experience a classical horror cliché in a house that is rumored to be haunted. There were 5 men standing behind Matt; he met them all earlier that night at a shitty pub, and they were all horny and drunk enough for Matthias to convince them easily to follow him and break into the house of his ex-girlfriend. Stupid boys thought that they'll get some easy pussy that night. Then they saw the house and all of them started to get second thoughts... But they quickly brushed them off, those rumors were just to scare the little townsfolk.

As soon as the door opened, Matt's henchmen looked at each other. Matthias hastily stepped into the house and looked back at the guys. They were stalling and shared concerned looks. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and appeared with the girls hidden behind one of the huge cupboards of the winter garden. He leaned closer to Ari and whispered:

- Watch. This. - he pointed at one of Ari's big oleanders and started to wiggle his fingers. The plant started to grow, and as it got bigger and bigger, it became an anthropomorphic cross between a Venus flytrap and an avocado. It had a huge, nasty-looking pod which had shark-like teeth. Ari gasped and smiled widely. She always wanted to see this plant in real life. The men didn't notice the plant first, but then one of them started to sniff the air, which was filled with the smell of blood now, and turned around. As soon as he spotted the plant, he screamed like a girl. Beetlejuice opened his mouth in awe and circled his nipples.

- Oh how I missed that sound... - he purred. Ari laughed.

- Do the Voice, do the Voice, do the Voice! - she said excitedly and jokingly smacked BJ's upper arm a couple times. The demon showed his teeth, held out his hand like a sock puppet and immitated talking with it. As he did, the plant started to talk.

- FEED ME SEYMOOUUR! - the plant growled at the men before it. All 5 of them screamed and launched themselves into the pitch black room. They shoved Matt before themselves, who fell on his stomach, dropped his weapon and headbanged the hardwood floor. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers again, which made him and the girls reappear behind the sofa. He peeked out, threw his hand up and made a pulling movement. The burglars all got dragged deeper into the room. It felt like something grabbed their ankles and pulled them...

In the blink of a moment, the door slammed shut behind them, and maniacal laughter filled the air, like it came from every direction. Beetlejuice winked at the girls and got back to his normal, gravelly tone.

- Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!

- Now THAT is cool! I wanna do that too! - said Rei in an excited tone. Sofía rolled her eyes; she was still very pissed at her sisters so she decided to not give a damn, doesn't matter what awesome things Ari's demon buddy could do. Ari peeked over the edge of the sofa and giggled at the expressions of the men. They looked so afraid. Beetlejuice quickly pulled her back and shushed her with a small laugh. He gestured towards the fireplace which instantly lit up. One of the guys let out a tiny scream, which made BJ rub his palms in ecstasy. He bit his lower lip.

- Mi mamá was right. - said one of the burglars, a shorter latino guy with wobbly voice. - This place... is cursed.

- No it's not. - stated the one next to him. He sounded clearly afraid as well, he just tried to cover it with confidence. - Anyway, what is it with you and curses? You're never happy without a good curse. Superstitious idiot. - he changed into a more sarcastical tone. - "This is cursed, that is cursed!"

- Give it a rest, will ya!!! - shouted Matt, who was looking for the shotgun. - Don't be pussies! It's just the wind, and my baby always had weird plants. You know what we came for. Let's head upstairs, 2 people per girl, and have some fun! - he flashed an evil smile at his "friends". And that made Beetlejuice's blood boil.

- Not on my watch, Mattyboy! - he hissed. He closed his eyes for a moment. Welp, hope I'm not rusty. - Let's see, what are you jerks the most afraid of?

He disappeared from behind the sofa. The girls peeked out, and clearly saw a shadow figure circling the men. It was audible that something was moving behind them. The burglars turned around but didn't see a thing. Beetlejuice's shadow form took a quick look into every men's eyes. Several scriptures from the Middle Ages tell us that if a demon looks into your eyes, they can see your biggest fears. Who would've thought that it's true?

- Got it. - said Beej as he reappeared behind the sofa with a snap. He took a quick look on Ari's excited faced, and flashed a toothy grin. - This is gonna be so. Much. Fun. Let's give those guys the fright of their lives! - Beetlejuice disappeared again, just to reappear next to the windows. His figure was vaguely illuminated by the random thunderbolts. He tilted his head sideways and dropped his left hand next to himself. His painted black nails grew into huge claws, his catlike eyes were glowing, just like his dark burgundy hair. It always looked like this when he was in a destructive, devilish mood. He flashed a wicked, Cheshire-like smile and started to scratch the windows. It made the girls' get goosebumps but the burglars' look was a good enough compensation for the unpleasantness. Ari was pretty sure that the guys saw BJ for a moment before he disappeared with a laugh again. He sounded so evil. Beetlejuice appeared next to Ari again, digging into his fluffy hair, eyes closed, wide smile on his face. Shit, that's hot, thought Ari. - I'm still the Ghost with the Most.

- What if they go upstairs? - asked Sof with a raised eyebrow, pointing at the burglars approaching the stairs. - Hmm? Did ya plan out something for that as well, Mr. Ghosty-ghost?

- Well I have ideas... - said Ari and leaned close to Beej. She whispered something into his ear which made him bite his lower lip. At this point his teeth were more shark-like than human-like.

- Shit babes, you're a natural... - he moaned and flung his hand towards the stairs. Matthias just stepped on the first step, but was stopped by the sight of 2 little girls standing on the top of the stairs, holding hands. Their eyes were all black.

- Come play with us, Matty. Forever... and ever... and ever... - they said in the same rhythm, with the creepiest child-voice you can ever imagine. The burglars stepped back. Ari couldn't hold back any longer and shouted:

- NOW!

The children started screaming histerically and in the same moment, blood started to wave down the stairs, soaring on the walls, splashing at the men. They all screamed bloody murder and tried to ran away, scattering in every possible direction. Beetlejuice's eyes were glowing with pleasure.

- Do you hear that sound, Ari? That BEAUTIFUL sound? - he said with a moan and bit his fist. - That is the sound, of clean, white, shorts turning brown.. - he looked at Ari. - Ain't it the sweetest noise around? - he laughed maniacally which made Ari and Rei giggle as well. - You guys stay here so you won't stay in the way, but you... - he grabbed Ari's hand and pulled her up to her feet. - ...you deserve to enjoy the show from first row, babes.

With a snap, they appeared in the corner, next to good old Long John Silver's skeleton. Beetlejuice wiggled his fingers and the pirate slowly came to life. One of the burglars, with terror in his eyes, tried to run away as far as possible from the reanimated corpse, but clumsily, he lost his foothold because of the dripping blood from his clothes and fell on his back. It made a huge thud. Ari burst out laughing, like the child she was in heart, but tried to cover her mouth with her hand. Beetlejuice was laughing too, but decided to top his performance and wiggled his fingers again. The pirate started rattling as he lifted his sword up, let out a warcry, and started to run in the lying man's direction. He let out an agonizingly high-pitched scream as he got up. BJ and Ari laughed more histerically.

- Did you hear that?! - wheezed the girl and slapped BJ's shoulder. - Oh my god let's make some more people scream!

BJ held Ari's hand, and pulled her over to the TV. The demon tapped the screen which instantly lit up in blue. Weird streaks appeared on it, then a hand from the inside, tapping the glass. Then another one. Then one more. Two guys, who now held each other, screamed out. BJ put his arm around Ari's shoulders.

- Panic and stress, oh ain't it the best? - he said an laughed with his head thrown backwards.

- You are such a weirdo! - she laughed and elbowed him in the side. He let her go, tilted his head sideways, hunched down and bit his lips in a weird, kinda creepy manner. Ari wheezed and scruffed his fluffy hair. Beetlejuice hunched down more.

- Now behind my ear... - he said with a moan. Ari pulled her hand back with a laugh. She looked around, admiring the sight of bloody men running around, but then her eyes found a specific person standing before the steps, staring at her with a shotgun in his hand. The smile from her face disappeared. She took a step back, and Beetlejuice instantly stepped before her, covering her with his body. He formed a little cup with one of his hands, held out the other dramatically and blew into his palm. A huge blob of fire appeared right before them, blowing up in Matthias's face. He screamed and BJ laughed. - No worries babes, I got ya. NOW WHERE WERE WE. - he turned around and after some looking, he pointed at a guy. He was trying to open up the front door, but it was shut. Beetlejuice made huge gestures and summoned a crazy eyed, killer looking dog. Ari awwed and crouched down. The dog acted all surprised when the girl scruffed his head, but in half a second he got really happy and wagged his tail. Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow and made an unimpressed face. - You are a hellhound, you are SO not supposed to do that. - Ari laughed, hugged the dog one more time, then pointed at the guy Beetlejuice was eyeing.

- Go, catch! - she said in an angelic voice. The hellhound started barking and running towards his target. Poor guy jumped up on the hall cabinet.

Beetlejuice snapped again. They now appeared in the downstairs bathroom. A burglar was leaning against the bathroom door, huffing, and as they appeared, he pointed at BJ in fear.

- YOU! - he shouted. - My dad told me about you! The stripey demon with the stupid hair who haunts the creepy house at the edge of the town! Nobody believed a young weedhead pizza guy but you ARE real! - Beetlejuice shrugged and flashed an evil smile.

- Well, why didn't you listen to him? I bet he told ya to stay away from this... - he rubbed his palms together. - ...creepy house... - he opened his palms, water pouring out of them. Ari climbed up on the washing machine, which was a good idea, noticing that something huge started to move in the water. A crab-like figure. The guy screamed bloody murder. BJ laughed and snapped. Him and Ari reappeared in the living room, right behind the sofa. Rei was clapping like an idiot. Shit, even Sofía looked a bit more enthusiastic now. What can I say, the guy IS good.

- Are you lovely ladies having fun? - Ari and Rei nodded exaggeratedly, Sofía huffed and rolled her eyes. - Well the real show is just about to begin! Take your seats! - Beetlejuice teleported the girls onto the sofa while himself appeared on the coffee-table. He started tapping a rhythm with his feet and out of nowhere, the sound of a guitar could be heard. Then came drums. BJ was kinda dancing around on the table, feeling himself. One of the burglars ran towards him with a glass thing he found on one of the shelves. BJ fixed his jacket and with a movement of a hand, he summoned fire towards him. Then laughed at the guy falling over. Now full on music was blasting. Theatrical weirdo, thought Ari. Rei clapped, BJ bowed. Then he raised his hands slowly, making big spiders emerge from the ground. Sof whined a little and closed her eyes.

- EWEWEWEWEW.

One of the burglars, who was sitting in the corner, legs pulled up to his chest, cried out.

- THIS IS JUST A LUCID DREAM! I'M DREAMING! - BJ turned his head backwards, then floated before him with a normal facing, tilted head, and grabbed the guy's chin.

- Really? - the girls didn't see what's happening really, but what they saw, was that BJ's head was getting bigger and that he opened his lower jaw like a snake. - Then tell me, buddyboy, why do I hear you screaming? - the burglar screamed out and turned white as a wall. Beetlejuice appeared next to Ari on the sofa. He wiped his teary eyes and laughed again. Ari grabbed his thigh with an excited smile.

- You are fantastic! Unbelievable! That was a sound that says I will never sleep well again! - she breathed in. BJ's eyes were glowing at her. Literally glowing. - I can't believe you are such a talented scarer. Hollywood should learn from you. - the demon looked down at his shoes and crumpled his jacket. A slight streak of pink appeared in his hair. Ari jumped back. - OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR CHANGES COLOR! - he pulled the differently colored streak and sighed.

- Yeah, it's like a moodring... Stupid thing always tells on me...

- THAT IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN! - said Ari with excitement in her voice. - What does light pink mean?

- NOTHING. - stated Beej. With a little bit too much voice. He cleared his throat. - Imma tell ya later, but as you said, we still have so much shit to do, to haunt, to kill... - he winked at Ari who rolled her eyes and crossed her arms before her chest. Beetlejuice booped her nose, than pulled her up onto the table. He whirled her around in ecstasy, both laughing, BJ howling sometimes. - Nice moves, little hellion! - he laughed. The music in the background got louder and louder with each moment. BJ let Ari go for a moment. The guys were losing it at this point, most of them crying and running around. Beetlejuice looked at his pal. - Hey Ari, check this out! - he raised his hands, pointing at one guy after another, twitching with each move. All 6 of them stood up straight. BJ looked at Ari with a wicked smile. - Dance break!

To the rhythm of the music, the burglars all started to dance. They did the same moves BJ did, with a weird green fog in their eyes. Beetlejuice occasionally looked at the girls, who were laughing their asses off. BJ did The Thing™, which made them all snort. Beetlejuice didn't notice that it also made Ari check out his pelvic moves.

The music ended, Rei and Sof was holding each other, both of them teared up by laughter. Ari slapped her thighs. Beetlejuice bowed several times.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you! That was an old Scandinavian folk song. - the girls teared up again. Beetlejuice smiled like an idiot. Now his hair was more green then burgundy. He was having a great time. - I mean, yeah, I put my own spin on it, but... Hey, ya liked it!

And that's when their laughter was stopped by the sound of barrel-loading a shotgun.

#alex brightman #beetlegeuse #beetlejuice #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice oc #beetlejuice the musical #fanfic #fanfiction #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #musical!beetlejuice #beetlejuice broadway

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nanonaturalist · 7 years ago

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When I were a lad I had the unfortunate luck to sit on on a yellow jacket nest, step on another a week later and then a hornet nest a week later. I developed a phobia and now my heart races even if a fly buzzes past my ear. I have done some emersion therapy by walking in a lavender field while honey bees were working.. but I still fear bee-ish creatures. I love them and I plant them flowers, but I want to be less afraid. What can I do?

Hello, @keepcalmandcarrieunderwood, I’ve been thinking about your question a lot, and this is a really hard one to answer. The obvious first step in getting over a fear of anything is wanting to get over that fear. When you have so many traumatic experiences so close together, especially when you’re young, it will take a lot of work to train your mind to be more comfortable around black and yellow striped things. So first off, congratulations on wanting to be more comfortable about our stripey friends! The good news is, you can do it!

Warning: wall of text precedes bug photos! Also this got Looooooong sorry (not sorry)

Fun fact about me: I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology (from way back in 2005). And one of my favorite things about studying psychology was learning about classical and operant conditioning. You are probably already familiar with both of these.

In classical conditioning, two stimuli are paired (they may or may not be at all related), and your reflexive, unconscious response to one gets associated to the other. This phenomenon was popularized with Pavlov and his digestive experiments with dogs (dogs salivate when a bell rings in the absence of food, because the bell has been paired with food many times previously). In your case, the two stimuli are actually very closely related (seeing/hearing things that might be stinging insects, and being stung by stinging insects). Because many organisms rely on learning quickly about danger for survival, it can only take one such pairing to develop a very long-lasting response to something.

In operant conditioning, behaviors are punished or rewarded, which can result in an individual’s behavior changing given the right circumstances. The behavior change is not necessarily conscious. A lot of interesting stuff in our brains happens outside of view from us. Say you look into a cactus flower once and you see a really cool beetle. Neat! You’re going to start looking into cactus flowers a lot more often. And if you keep seeing neat beetles, oh boy those cactus flowers better look out. Even if those flowers start turning up empty, you’ll still keep peeking in them for a while, even if you are in a situation where it’s really not appropriate to keep peeking into cactus flowers (apologies to people on my last guided hike…). I’ll get back to operant conditioning in a minute.

You may have heard about a common treatment for anxiety disorders called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I’m a big fan of this method, because it asks you to re-evaluate your thoughts, as you are having them, to restructure your gut reaction to a situation into a less emotionally-charged one. In other words, you have a fear resulting from classical conditioning–it’s totally reflexive and unconscious, and you had no control over the creation of your phobia. The problem is, phobias can become self-sustaining with the help of operant conditioning. Basically: Bee > PANIC! > flee > relief! The act of removing yourself from bee-like insects will give you relief from the fear, and makes you more likely to avoid bee-like insects in the future. But, you don’t want to be afraid anymore!

The trick is: turn your reflexive, unconscious responses into thoughts. This can be really hard–I have a lot of generalized anxiety issues, and I don’t always know what (if any) actual thoughts are making me uneasy. But I think it is easier to translate reflexes into thoughts for phobias, even if they aren’t always logical.

In the case of a fear of stings from bees/wasps, there are several angles you can take:

Learn more about stinging insects and their behaviors, and understand why they sting. Take fear and reshape it into curiosity, use what you learn to avoid getting stung.

Not all that buzzes is a bee. Similarly for yellow/black striped insects. There are lots of mimics out there, who look like a dangerous stinging insect to protect themselves, when they are totally harmless. Learn how to tell them apart, so know which ones couldn’t hurt you even if they wanted to.

Not all bees/wasps can sting! Males cannot sting, and some species are completely stingless.

Desensitization through Education

First off, you need to know a little about stingers. What are they, exactly? Well, they weren’t originally stingers. Before there were stingers, there were ovipositors.

Ovipositors in katydids. Left two: common conehead katydids; Right: lesser meadow katydid

Ovipositors are tubes that some insects use to lay their eggs inside something. Insects who lay their eggs in the ground (but who aren’t burrowing insects, like katydids) will use the ovipositor to make sure the eggs are safely tucked away from predators. Some insects go a step further, and lay their eggs inside another organism (these are called parasites or parasitoids depending on whether or not they kill the host). These insects will lay their eggs either in plant tissues (gall wasps and midges do this, and I wrote a post about galls a little while back [link]), or in animal tissues.

Various parasitic wasps, Superfamily Ichneumonoidea. I have no idea who these are at the moment. iNat links: [Photo 1 Link] [Photo 2 Link] [Photo 3 Link]

These parasitoid insects tend to be wasps, and they tend to have some pretty fancy ovipositors. The larger ones tend to parasitize caterpillars, and before you gasp and lament the plight of the poor helpless babies, remember that every living creature in nature serves a very important purpose. Caterpillars can absolutely destroy a vegetable garden. These wasps make sure there’s still something left for us.

These wasps do not sting. The painful sting is a result of venom, and these wasps with long ovipositors do not have a venom gland.

But, as insects are wont to do, if there is a niche, they will fill it. The inside of the caterpillar is claimed? Well, you can just lay your egg on the caterpillar instead. This is a lot harder to do. With a long ovipositor, you can just hold on, stick it in, and go. But if you need to lovingly affix your eggs to the outside of a wiggling caterpillar, you’re gonna have a hard time. If only there was a way to temporarily paralyze it!

Meet Netelia. This is a genus of Ichneumon wasp. Notice her ovipositor? Kinda short, huh? That’s because it’s a stinger [link]. She stings the caterpillar, which is paralyzed long enough for her to beadazzle it with eggs, and off she goes. I don’t know much about the evolutionary history of ovipositors and stingers, but somehow, some species started living in large colonies full of sterile female workers and a stingless queen who laid all the eggs (think ants and bees). If you didn’t reproduce, you could make some pretty scary and painful stingers to protect your colony! Also: this means that only females can sting.

And this brings us to the issue: some of them DO sting humans and it is not pleasant!

Bees and wasps are similar in that the notorious species tend to live in large colonies, but they sting for very different reasons. Bees are defensive (their stingers are embedded into flesh and detach from their bodies–a nice way of saying they rip their guts out and die), while wasps are offensive (they can sting many, many times, and will do it when they feel threatened even if they are not under attack).

Left: Western Honey Bee; Right: Apache Wasp

Why are they so different? Bees are vegetarians, so they have no need to kill for food. Their stingers are the last line of defense for their colonies, because every bee who stings will die. A colony can’t survive if all the workers die, but it also needs to protect the young and the queen. But these bees tend to make fairly elaborate hives which serve as a good line of defense in addition to the army of stinging workers. Bees will sting if you are actively harming them or the hive, even if you don’t realize it. Remember those ridiculous wide leg raver pants (hey, I said I graduated from college in 2005, stop looking at me like that)? I knew a guy who wore those all the time, and one day his pant leg managed to fall over a single lady bee, and she… uh… Well, she felt threatened. Let’s just say I laughed. Yes, as it happened. I regret nothing. Bees do not want to sting you.

Wasps are also vegetarians (wait, WHAT??)–at least, they are in adulthood. Wasp larvae? Carnivores. Those evil wasps killing other bugs and carrying them off are taking them to their nest. They will lay an egg alongside their prey, which is paralyzed to keep it alive until the egg hatches (terrifying, huh?). What a good mother! Some wasp species are solitary, and their nests can be safe underground. But paper wasps, which you are likely more familiar with, have their babies literally hanging out in the open. Their delicious, nutritious babies. They are so vulnerable! They must be protected!

Paper wasps. Left: Apache wasp nest; Right: Common paper wasp nest

The only thing between a hungry predator and the life of those babies are the valiant wasps sworn to protect the nest. If they sense something which triggers the “hungry predator” switch in their brain, they will attack. Is their nest pretty low to the ground? Are you TOO CLOSE? Look out! Is their nest HIDDEN IN YOUR BALCONY WALL and you bump the side while enjoying a beautiful spring day? Are you throwing rocks at the nest? Do you smell like a bear? I don’t know what triggers wasps, but the only time I’ve been stung was when they secretly lived in my balcony wall. Thing with wasps is, when they’ve had enough, they will come after you. They can sting you to teach you to STAY AWAY and fly back to their nest.

But, if you don’t set off “hungry predator” alarms, and instead exist in their world as “irrelevant scavenger,” you can actually get pretty close to them. I was lucky to find this Common Paper Wasp lady making her nest on the underside of a pokeweed leaf in my backyard two years ago. I took these photos with my phone. I was inches away from her. Sometimes I had a headlamp shining in her face. She never once came after me. I started to recognize her foraging around my yard for paper fiber (ever see a wasp hanging out on your wooden fence, or landing on grass or dried dead plants? they are collecting building materials!), so I could get a really close look at her nest and the eggs inside. Look in the cells in the nest in the top left and bottom right photos. Those little white things are her eggs!

So there’s a bit of a Catch-22 here. If you’re not afraid of wasps, come up to them curiously, SHOVE A CELL PHONE IN THEIR FACE WHILE BLINDING THEM WITH A HEADLAMP, eh, they don’t care. But if you are afraid of getting stung… what are you going to do? Calmly walk away? NO! You’re going to swat at it, flail around, run, scream, etc. All things a predator would do. Same thing with bees. Sometimes, they will land on you for whatever reason. Maybe you’re wearing a fluorescent yellow shirt and you look delicious.

All this baby wanted was some nectar, and from her perspective, I was *clearly* advertising that I had bountiful nectar reserves. If I was not aware that they see UV light, and that this is how they find flowers so quickly, and if I instead thought that bees hate the color yellow and will sting you if you’re wearing it (this is what I was taught growing up… *sigh*), I would have thought I was getting attacked, and would have started with the flailing. This lady, who thought she was coming for lunch, instead now has to start fighting? She’s gonna be mad.

There is a lot to know about bees and wasps. I do not know that much about them, but I think they are very interesting and I love learning more about them.

Mimics Can’t Fool You!

Wow that first section was long. How about some pictures of things that aren’t bees or wasps?

Hover flies! Top: Left - Eupeodes sp.; Right - Copestylum sp. Bottom: Left - Palpada agrorum; Right - Yellow-shouldered Drone Fly

Longhorn beetles! Top: Neoclytus mucronatus (both photos) Bottom: Left - Zebra Longhorn Beetle; Right - Painted Hickory Borer

Robber flies! Left: MacQuart’s Bee-mimic Robber Fly; Right: Beelzebub Bee-Killer

Moths! Left: Sphinx moths; Right: Clear-wing mothsI know, I’m cheating a little here. These are specimens in the Texas A&M University Entomology Collections. They have an open house every January and it’s AMAZING!

Bee flies! (really!) Left: Poecilanthrax sp.; Middle: Exoprosopa fascipennis; Right: Villa sp.

Some clear take-aways here: (1) Flies are very into bees(2) Looking like a bee/wasp is a very successful survival strategy!(3) If it looks like a bee… it’s probably a fly (unless it’s actually a bee)

Stingless Fakers

There are two major groups of bees that don’t sting–Tribe Meliponini (Stingless Bees) and Family Andrenidae (Mining Bees).

Admittedly, I have not seen many of these. The two Meliponini species I saw were in Malawi (Africa), and those are the two photos on the left. Far left is a group going to their hive (they can make honey, too!), and center is a different species in their nest (a wax tube on the side of my cottage). These bees are so tiny you’d think they were fruit flies! Right photo is from West Texas, Mining Bees in the Macrotera genus (I love them! Little Valentine butts!)

BUT! There is another fairly common group of stingless bees: MALES. No male insect can sting (they can bite if equipped, but remember, stingers are modified ovipositors!). You may never see a male honey bee, but here’s what they look like:

Not the best photo, but you can see he’s shaped… kinda weird? His eyes are HUGE, which is probably the easiest way to tell him apart from the females.

You are more likely to meet a male Carpenter bee, however. How will you know a male carpenter bee?

Male Eastern Carpenter Bee above. I read the males have a white patch on their face (look! his nose!), and there were some other features, but really, WHITE! NOSE!

Another Carpenter Bee I see at home (and NOTICE because … well you’ll see in a minute):

Xylocopa tabaniformis Carpenter Bee. Many apologies for the TERRIBLE PHOTOS. These were from my phone before I had a Real Camera and they only *just came back* this year and I am way behind on photos sorrryyyyyyyy

Anyway, I don’t know how to tell the females/males apart visually (or if you even can). And this photo may very well be of a female, who knows. But the way you know the males: They will get in your business. That’s why I call this section “Stingless Fakers.” It’s because of these. I love them. This pink bush is right outside my front door. I walk around it to get to my car in the morning. And in the summers, there are always a few of these buzzing around. And the males are interested in protecting their (small underground) colonies, so they will COME UP TO YOU to see if you’re a threat. Or maybe to intimidate you because THEY ARE A BEE THEY COULD STING LOOK OUT!

Carpenter bees are distinguished from bumble bees by not being as furry. Carpenter bees will have shiny abdomens. Bumble Bees should be bumbly furry.

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION Bees/Wasps are interesting, not everything is a bee/wasp even if it looks like one, and they don’t all sting. I wish you the best of luck in facing your fears and buzzing back at bees and hornets in triumph.

Posted (finally–sorry!) May 31, 2018As always, all photos are mine and most were taken in Texas. Exceptions are Netelia and Meliponini from Malawi.

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denisehq · 5 years ago

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HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?

WHO: Tobias Berry / Noah Puckerman ( @puckmanhq ) / Aliyah Puckerman ( @alipucks ) LOCATION: Toby and Aliyah’s place DATE & TIME: June 28, 2019, 1 AM - June 28, 2019, 8:30 AM SUMMARY: Puck visits Aliyah at her apartment to clear his head and get away from IHQ, but ends up spending the night with Toby instead. WARNINGS: Excessive drinking and non-descriptive nudity

1 AM

Well, shit. Puck thought as his sister walked off to her room, her middle fingers the last thing he saw before she completely disappeared. “Fucking charming.” Ha, I got the last word. Less than a second later the sound of an opening door before, “Fucking dumbass.” One final door close and now it was painfully quiet. Puck started bouncing his knee, looking around like he’d never seen the inside of an apartment before. See, now he was just chillin’ in the room with Tobias and honestly, he’d never really hung out with him, even though he was technically family, as Joey’s uncle. Guess they just didn’t have that much in common. Probably should have got the fuck up and taken his tipsy ass home but he really couldn’t be bothered. So instead he looked over at Toby. “Beer or tequila?” He asked as he poured himself a shot, ready to pour another.

“Fuckin’ traitor,” Tobias mumbled. How could Aliyah leave him right now? They weren’t even halfway through their movie. It’s not like it was-- Tobias checked his phone. “Shit,” he exhaled gently. “It’s later than I thought it was.” Which, if that was the case, why the hell did Aliyah let Puck inside in the first place? Tobias rubbed his eyes, still red from the makeshift hotbox in the bathroom earlier, and dismissed his own question with a shrug. Nope. Practical thought just didn’t exist when it was past midnight and you were still high as fuck. Tobias slowly turned his head towards Puck, interest finally piqued by his presence and the classical conditioning of the promise of alcohol. “Well, shit. If you’re pouring, then whatever cost the most.”

"Tequila it fucking is then." Pouring a second shot he handed it to his unlikely drunking buddy and riased his own glass. "To whatever the fuck this night's gonna be." Clinking his glass against Toby's, Puck did the classic frat boy table touch before throwing it back. Feeling the familiar burn, he chased it with a swig of beer before pouring himself another one. Already feeling the temperature rising which caused him to pull at the collar of his tank before leaning forward to place his beer on the coffee table. Looking at the screen he couldn't even remember what they were watching. "Dude, you look high enough to hear colors right now." He said as he took off his hat, because really was it 78 degrees in here? "And what the fuck is this movie?" He asked handing the younger man another shot.

With an exaggerated wince, teeth bared and all, Tobias placed the glass down. His technique was amateur, greedy even. But thankfully he didn’t have to smell and savor the damn thing. He just had to throw it back and accept that clear liquor was a foul ass invention. He drew a line with his eyes from the bottle to his empty drink, and gave Puck his best DJ Khaled impression. “Another one.” Condensation was already pooling around the base of their shot glasses, and the coasters they should have been using were sitting in a neat pile off to the side. Tobias exhaled warmly, shrugging off his signature denim jacket, before running a hand through his hair. Toby and Aliyah’s AC had been fucked for about a week now. The superintendent was taking his sweet ass time (as usual) in fixing it. Tobias hit at his sternum with a weak fist to break up the burn. “Oh, that?” He pointed at the screen. “It’s that one movie where that dude’s chest gets caved in and bites this other guy’s hands off?” Tobias started giggling. “It’s real great when you’re high,” he sang. “A classic.” Tobias’ cat, Mercutio weaved around Puck’s legs, purring happily. “He likes dudes,” Tobias spoke earnestly, before snatching up the bottle of tequila from the coffee table. “I’m pretty sure he’s gay.” He took a gulp. Or two. Or three. “It’s so fucking hot. Are you hot?” Toby handed the bottle back over to Puck. “I’m hot as hell.” He wiped at his forehead with his arm. “You can stay and roast but--” he pulled his shirt over his head “--I’m not trying to die in my own apartment.”

Raising an eyebrow at the description of the movie they'd been watching, Puck shouldn't have been surprised. Aliyah was definitely into some weird shit and somehow she was pulling that off in a cool way and honestly Puck had never been more proud of a sibling. Looking at Toby, he assessed him, trying to decide if he was cool or not. On the one hand he quoted DJ Khaled and couldn't take a shot of tequila with looking like someone was feeding him fire. On the other hand, he quoted DJ Khaled and took a shot like he was eating fire. So, unclear where he was on the Noah Puckerman dope-o-meter. "You and my sister really found each other." Standing up for no apparent reason just to immediately sit back down, it was definitely approaching 'fuck it' levels of intoxicated, which is where any potential impulse control peace-ed the absolute fuck out. Looking down at the cat, Puck smirked, "Don't blame 'im, I'm fucking hot. Good taste, bro." And then he tried to bro fist the cat and Puck could swear he could hear the thank god you're pretty coming from the little dude. Hearing that it wasn't just him burning the fuck up made him want to facetime his brothers just to flip them off, because fuck you guys clothes are dumb when you're drunk. Standing up, and this time with purpose, Puck pulled out his phone because obviously his magic mike ass needed music for this moment. Turning up his phone after picking Hot In Here by Nelly, he removed his tank in a very aesthetically pleasing and manly way. Alright, so what really happened was, his drunk ass picked Metro Station's Shake It and as he went to take off his tank with one hand it got stuck and ripped and he just kind of through it to the ground and then he winked like a jackass. "Gotta give 'em a show." But who the fuck was he talking to? Oh, right, the gay cat, naturally.

Tobias’ laughter slipped past his teeth and fingers. “Dude, I can totally see why you get so much play. You’re amazing,” he slurred. Tobias’ giggles died down, but the ache in his cheeks remained as the room tilted. “I can almost see why Lucky slept with you.” Toby squinted. “Where are my glasses?” He patted over his face. Sheer force of will would definitely make his vision clearer. “Do you ever think that, like, your eyes are so blue because you’re sad?” Toby cradled his head in his hands,hoping his over-saturated sponge of a brain wouldn’t leak out of his ears. Every blink was heavy, every movement slowed-down to an unbearable rate. “Fuuuuuuuuck. That weed was too strong.” Sweat slid down his back. “I have no idea how--” Tobias undid his belt ”--Aliyah is sleeping through this. I’m about to off myself.”

"Almost?” Puck said momentarily alert. “I’m the most fuckable.” As if to prove himself, he removed his pants, swearing feet weren’t usually this fucking difficult to get through a damn pant hole. Now, he was just standing there in his stripey boxer briefs vaguely gesturing at himself to accentuate his point. Honestly, at this point sounds were muffled and everything sounded kind of far away, maybe that’s why he was hyper focused on the younger man’s mouth. Not that he was secretly a master at lip reading, but when you’re drunk you’re pretty convinced you’re the master of everything. Picking up his phone again he pulled up his camera and started recording before standing stupidly close to Toby and making the camera lens face them, because there was no fucking way he was capable of remembering the invention of the fucking front facing function. Throwing his free arm around the taller man’s shoulders, he pulled him in close before tuning his face toward him. “You ever seen what happens when Ali gets serenaded?” He asked pausing for a moment letting a drunken smile creep on his face and he handed Toby his phone. “I think we oughta find out.” Honestly everything that happened next was..... something that never needs to see the light of day.

What the fuck is going on? Something that sounded a bit like Post Malone’s Sunflower was sounding through her room . As Aliyah hazily rose from her almost slumber, her feet dragged along her floor as she moved, feeling around, refusing to give in and turn on a light. As she was becoming more aware she noticed the song was becoming louder, yet not clearer as she moved closer to her door. Noticing the light shining underneath, she got ready to tell the neighbors to shut up as she opened her door. Unfortunately, the sight she was met with almost alerted her into a fucking heart attack.

Stood before her was her dumbass clearly drunk brother in the worst striped underwear she’d ever seen. When he saw her he began singing Wind Beneath My Wings. Peaking her head out more she wondered, how the fuck is Toby sleeping through this? Why the fuck is my loudest brother still here? and last but certainly not least, since when could he legit sing?

“Sing another word and I’ll make sure you’re left with a face only good enough for radio.” Suddenly she noticed more movement. “Fucking move.” She said and to his credit he did move, even if he hadn’t stopped singing.

Immediately upon seeing her actual favorite person, in a state of undress she fucking knew, he was drunk too. “Oh Toto, no, not you too. Fucking betrayed, dude, not cool.” Honestly, how was she supposed to control Puck in this state he was literally bouncing around like a 90′s rubber ball and apparently had been a hype man for Toby who was shamelessly smiling at him like this shit was normal and they weren’t drunk.

“Just havin’ a blasty blast, Al, and the AC doesn’t exsit and–” Then he just started moving. Was he holding a phone? Was it recording.

Walking over to her best friend she plucked it out of his hand and was kind of pleased it was, A) Puck’s phone and B) recording. Quickly she stopped the video so she could send it to herself before hitting record and handing it back to Toby. “Good Boy.”

Suddenly there was a woosh of fabric flying by her face, landing on Toby’s foot which he just laughed at and Aliyah without taking a proper look at what had been thrown turned around and was met with a fully nude Puck singling Sweet Child Of Mine while living his best nude air guitar life. With the quickest turn around ever, she ran to Toby and used him to balance herself as she pulled one of her socks off and throwing it at Puck. “I’m gonna kill you both and I’m keeping this.” She said snatching Puck’s phone out of Toby’s hand.

“You’re a fucking buzzkill anyone ever tell you that?” Puck said way too damn loud, at least he wasn’t singing anymore. Turning to look at Toby as she heard him snort she saw he was pointing at Puck, smiling, “He’s got a sock on his thingy.” Thank fuck it’s covered, was all Aliyah could think. Somehow they ended up on the same side of the room as she was poking around on Puck’s phone and before she knew it she looked over and it looked like they’d tripped over each other and just… fallen asleep. Taking a picture of their already drooling selves with her own phone, she sent it to Toby with the message; this is why I rebuke heathens from our lives. Then to Puck with a slightly more serious message; stop drinking, you’re someone’s father.

After sending out a few way too forward texts and taking over his twitter and insta, she threw the phone at him and watched as it hit his leg. Exhaling she went over to the fridge and took out their half gone bottle of Orange Juice and drank the rest, because she knew that shit was like the base of Puck’s cure to a hangover. Leaving a charming note saying, ‘FUCK YOU.’ on it. Looking at the time she was ten kinds of pissed and ended up leaving the room the same way she had two hours ago. Middle fingers up as she disappeared back into her bedroom. “Assholes”

8:30 AM

Pulling a mess of curls back into a messy bun, Aliyah had been staring at the rather amusing sight of a blanket covered, naked, hardcore cuddling Puck and Toby. "Oh that's totally on what the fuck, bingo." She said to herself as she got her phone out to take about 15 different pictures. Seriously contemplating posting a couple on insta. Making a mental note to create the WTF?! bingo card for real, Aliyah watched as her best friend stirred to life.

Tobias whined, refusing to open his eyes. “Why are there such things as hangovers,” he spoke groggily. His cheek was stuck to warm skin, a slow heartbeat making a tender home inside his ear. He was too comfortable to move, but Mercutio’s timid cries were annoying as fuck. “And why does my mouth taste like literal ass?” Finally lifting up, Puck’s heavy arm slid from around his form. Toby’s eyes widened. “Oh no.” Suddenly launching himself into space seemed like the best out, but then he spotted Aliyah, standing smugly in front of the couch. “I… this isn’t what it looks like.” His voice was thick with sleep (and hopefully nothing else). “Pretty sure there’s a valid explanation for...” Tobias examined the crime scene. His and Puck’s clothes were strewn about the floor and the entire bottle of Tequila from last night was empty. He wiped the drool he left on Puck’s chest, nausea bubbling in the pit of his stomach. No matter what Toby said, he didn’t know what happened, and that meant there was a lingering possibility that Puck’s dick had been in or around his mouth. Or worse. “Please don’t tell anyone, Al.”

As he looked at her, Aliyah raised an eyebrow, listening to his pleas and getting way too much of a power trip out of it. “You know I don’t talk to people.” Grabbing her thermos of espresso she bent down to flick Puck’s nose until he opened his eyes. “I’m going to work.” Then she was gone.

Smacking the hand away from his face, Puck slowly opened his eyes, and all he could really see was a combat boots moving further away. Shit, the IHQ pride games or whatever is today. He thought to himself, not even noticing the second body lying with him, he sat up ready to get up before he finally realized there was a whole ass person on him and out of instinct he caught them around the waist. Just like that he could feel them breathing, his sight was clearing up and soon the dark head of hair and skinny frame were starting to form a face in his mind. “Fuck.” Moving Toby off of him, he stood up, some discomfort in the Puckzilla region. Looking down he noticed all the clothes strewn everywhere and the cause of his dickcomfort (if you will). “Why’s there a sock on my dick?” Adjusting it he looked for his underwear. “Why the fuck is it so scratchy?”

#i just kinda squished everything together in as chronological order as i could #discord.#alipucks #puckmanhq #toby discord.#toby / puck.#toby / aliyah.

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puckmanhq · 5 years ago

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HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?: part one of two

WHO: Noah Puckerman & @berrytobias ( feat. @alipucks )

WHAT: surprise hangout

WHERE: Toby and Aliyah's place

WHEN: June 28, 2019 @ 1:00 am-ish - June 28, 2019 @ 8:30 am

WHY: Puck needed to not be at home or on ihq property so he opts to surprise visit his sister at her place.

WARNINGS: excessive drinking and non descriptive nudity

ABOUT 1:00 AM ON JUNE 28, 2019

Well, shit. Puck thought as his sister walked off to her room, her middle fingers the last thing he saw before she completely disappeared. "Fucking charming." Ha, I got the last word. Less than a second later the sound of an opening door before, "Fucking dumbass." One final door close and now it was painfully quiet. Puck started bouncing his knee, looking around like he'd never seen the inside of an apartment before. See, now he was just chillin' in the room with Tobias and honestly, he'd never really hung out with him, even though he was technically family, as Joey's uncle. Guess they just didn't have the much in common. Probably should have got the fuck up and taken his tipsy ass home but he really couldn't be bothered. So instead he looked over at Toby, "Beer or tequila?" He asked as he poured himself a shot, ready to pour another.

"Tequila it fucking is then." Pouring a second shot he handed it to his unlikely drunking buddy and riased his own glass. "To whatever the fuck this night's gonna be." Clinking his glass against Toby's, Puck did the classic frat boy table touch before throwing it back. Feeling the familiar burn, he chased it with a swig of beer before pouring himself another one. Already feeling the temperature rising which caused him to pull at the collar of his tank before leaning forward to place his beer on the coffee table. Looking at the screen he couldn't even remeber what they were watching. "Dude, you look high enough to hear colors right now." He said as he took off his hat, because really was it 78 degress in here? "And what the fuck is this movie?" He asked handing the younger man another shot.

Raising an eyebrow at the description of the movie they'd been watching, Puck shouldn't have been surprised. Aliyah was definitely into some weird shit and somehow she was pulling that off in a cool way and honestly Puck had never been more proud of a sibling. Looking at Toby, he assessed him, trying to decide if he was cool or not. On the one hand he quoted DJ Khaled and couldn't take a shot of tequila with looking like someone was feeding him fire. On the other hand, he quoted DJ Khaled and took a shot like he was eating fire. So, unclear where he was on the Noah Puckerman dopeometer. "You and my sister really found each other." Standing up for no apparent reason just to immediately sit back down, it was definitely approaching 'fuck it' levels of intoxicated, which is where any potential impulse control peace-ed the absolute fuck out. Looking down at the cat, Puck smirked, "Don't blame 'im, I'm fucking hot. Good taste, bro." And then he tried to bro fist the cat and Puck could swear he could hear the thank god you're pretty coming from the little dude. Hearing that it wasn't just him burning the fuck up made him want to facetime his brothers just to flip them off, because fuck you guys clothes are dumb when you're drunk. Standing up, and this time with purpose, Puck pulled out his phone because obviously his magic mike ass needed music for this moment. Turning up his phone after picking Hot In Here by Nelly, he removed his tank in a very aesthetically pleasing and manly way. Alright, so what really happened was, his drunk ass picked Metro Station's Shake It and as he went to take off his tank with one hand it got stuck and ripped and he just kind of through it to the ground and then he winked like a jackass. "Gotta give 'em a show." But who the fuck was he talking to? Oh, right, the gay cat, naturally.

"Almost?” Puck said momentarily alert. “I’m the most fuckable.” As if to prove himself, he removed his pants, swearing feet weren’t usually this fucking difficult to get through a damn pant hole.Now, he was just standing there in his stripey boxer briefs vaguely gesturing at himself to accentuate his point. Honestly, at this point sounds were muffled and everything sounded kind of far away, maybe that’s why he was hyper focused on the younger man’s mouth. Not that he was secretly a master at lip reading, but when you’res drunk you’re pretty convinced you’re the master of everything. Picking up his phone again he pulled up his camera and started recording before standing stupidly close to Toby and making the camera lens face them, because there was no fucking way he was capable of remembering the invention of the fucking front facing function. Throwing his free arm around the taller man’s shoulders, he pulled him in close before tuning his face toward him. “You ever seen what happens when Ali gets serenaded?” He asked pausing for a moment letting a drunken smile creep on his face and he handed Toby his phone. “I think we oughta find out.” Honestly everything that happened next was..... something that never needs to see the light of day.

8:30 AM ON JUNE 28, 2019

ALIYAH: Pulling a mess of curls back into a messy bun, Aliyah had been staring at the rather amusing sight of a blanket covered, naked, hardcore cuddling Puck and Toby. "Oh that's totally on what the fuck, bingo." She said to herself as she got her phone out to take about 15 different pictures. Seriously contemplating posting a couple on insta. Making a mental note to create the WTF?! bingo card for real, Aliyah watched as her best friend stirred to life. As he looked at her, she raised an eyebrow, listening to his pleas and getting way too much of a power trip out of it. "You know I don't talk to people." Grabbing her thermos of espresso she bent down to flick Puck's nose until he opened his eyes. "I'm going to work." Then she was gone.

PUCK: Smacking the hand away from his face, he slowly opened his eyes, and all he could really see was a combat boots moving further away. Shit, the IHQ pride games or whatever is today. He thought to himself, not even noticing the second body lying with him, he sat up ready to get up before he finally realized there was a whole ass person on him and out of instinct he caught them around the waist. Just like that he could feel them breathing, his sight was clearing up and soon the dark head of hair and skinny frame were starting to form a face in his mind. "Fuck." Moving Toby off of him, he stood up, some discomfort in the Puckzilla region. Looking down he noticed all the clothes strewn everywhere and the cause of his dickcomfort (if you will). "Why's there a sock on my dick?" Adjusting it he looked for his underwear. "Why the fuck is it so scratchy?"

#ihq:discord #a. discord #discord. tobias berry #p. tobias berry

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floggingink · 7 years ago

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Riverdale, “Chapter Nineteen: Death Proof”

Death Proof is a great movie. there’s one man in it and he gets Pussycatted at the end. Vanessa Ferlito gives a lap dance. Zoё Bell’s abs have a starring role

Jughead is a Serpent now, so it must follow that he’s taking care of Hotdog voluntarily

did he take the couch? Jug took the couch. he’s writing again, so he’s got his groove back via an emotional plateau/Toni

Betty hung up and was like, Shit. SHIT!

Nick has a knife for...protection? cocktail garnishes?

Mrs. St. Clair seems thrilled to meet Betty and then not at all surprised that Nick has charges brought against him, the ennui of the ruling class

Betty gets a free pass for her suspicious appearance at the apartment for just having been that much of a pain to Sheriff Keller by now

I liked Betty’s tone of disappointed confusion when she says “You didn’t kill him.”

I don’t like BH talking about “nakedness” in any context, no matter who he turns out to be

I want to say those are Veronica’s shimmery blue pajamas?

Penelope’s icy disregard reverts Cheryl back to calling her “mommy,” which I think is like Cheryl’s PR thing? Cheryl continues to be fascinating. she’s called Penelope “mother,” hasn’t she? it’s all about context. it’s all about context with Cheryl

Jughead eats: at breakfast with Jug, Toni daintily eats fruit out of a parfait cup, like Veronica

Toni’s uncle locks her out of his house, so there’s that. the Serpents don’t have somewhere for her to sleep?

Jughead was honestly about to be like “Last night was…[fun/amazing, similar],” because that’s what people do in Bridget Jones and he’s flying without a net here

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: in a remarkable turn, Toni puts an end to the whole affair, because she has better things to do (girls), which is a stress off everyone’s shoulders

Jughead’s “not over Betty” because it was like six hours ago?

also props for the classic bad girl-bisexuality revelation. it doesn’t get badder (it’s GOOD). this is PRECISELY what I want but now I want optical proof

Betty is done with the BH’s “Simon Says”

The Blossom spawn: “the people” at “the Farm” (CAPITALIZED in the closed captioning!) will help Polly “disappear” for while? I’m gonna need a Farm episode pronto. what the HELL is THE FARM

Archie checks up on Betty in the morning and takes care of her of best he can, because this is a Good Archie episode. Good Archie wants to know why Betty hasn’t fixed it with Veronica yet. Good Archie never lets you walk alone. Good Archie stops you from walking into your ex’s brunch

Certified pedigree: the sheer SPREAD of personalities at Alice’s living room shaming. the mayor and the sheriff and their felon children. BOTH Lodges showed up. can Fred handle any more disappointment? Reggie has a parent?? what’s next!!!

Nick’s party was “bacchanalian,” so it’s probably best Alice only saw Jughead’s birthday party from across the yard

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “Except for my Betty”

I’VE HAD SOME WINE LET’S GET THIS BITCH DONE

SUCCUBUS VERONICA IS GREAT VERONICA. ARCHIE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT A SUCCUBUS IS

I relate to Kevin because “HASHTAG BUGHEAD IS NO MORE?” is coincidentally what I woke up screaming two Thursdays ago

Hiram says “ACID QUEEN ALICE” because there’s something in Riverdale’s water that just gives you that kind of inspiration!!!! apparently he knows some shit about her too!!! everybody’s parents seem to “know” about Alice. she’s got a lot of attitude for someone whose secrets EVERYONE KNOWS

—just like Betty!

“The Southside is the source of all our problems.” HOW’S THAT, HIRAM? because your northside succubus children were the ones who tossed it back like green apple sugar powder in a Baby Bottle Pop

Archie’s 180 with “Not all Serpents are dealers” is the kind of whiplash Archie is capable of. he knows he fucking broke up with his boy. fucking fix it with Jughead you twit before he gets a bigger tattoo

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie was SO HOPING she would get out of there with plausible deniability!

Jughead is like NODDING ALONG with every word Mr. Phillips reads, waiting to be abandoned

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: JUG LEAVES THE INSTANT HE GETS A CAPSLOCK TEXT FROM THE BOY HE LOVES

he interrupts a totally warranted scolding from his beloved English teacher to PROBABLY get reamed again by Archie, but he CAN’T RESIST WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN

Archie coming to get Jughead is probably Archie’s “WHAT’S UP IS I SAW YOU, ARCHIE” moment. it’s not equivalent but rather proportional in that you know this is the best I could hope for from Archie, but also—I don’t want to shortchange him! he went to the scary school where everyone hates him, through the metal detectors (OR NOT!!!!!!), and stood dithering in the hallway until he saw his Jughead!!!!!!! HE CAME TO RESCUE JUGHEAD

this is a great example of Archie’s hands-on “justice,” which is sometimes more in quotes than other times, but he didn’t CALL Jughead, you know, he ran over there! fuck! FUCK! WHEN ARCHIE IS GOOD HE IS VERY VERY GOOD

Archie is like hauling him out by the fleece collar too, like Jug wants to get Toni, and Archie, his arms locked around Jughead’s waist, teenage boys scrambling

What damn high school in America: Sweet Pea punches the locker when he gets arrested, because of injustice

I think Veronica would have listened to Betty if Kevin had not interrupted!

“She’s not worth it” is way harsh, Tai, but Betty did seemingly attack her out of nowhere

anyway of course Betty answers the phone, because she’s stressed, down two friends, and doesn’t want to have done all that for no reason

the “Sugar Man”? the “Sugar Man”? SUGAR MAN

if one more person tells Jughead that the Serpents deal jingle-jangle, he’s going to absolutely blow a gasket

“Tall Boy wants to parley” is going to be a code sentence of mine for something. if we’re on the phone and it suddenly sounds like I’ve dropped it and you just hear “TALL BOY WANTS TO PARLEY!!!!,” the Winter Solider is there

Fifth period is AP English: Cheryl is sunbathing, in the shade, outside Thistle House reading Baudelaire because...it helps her feel calm…

Cheryl’s sheaths: I want to say those sick black sunglasses are Miu Mius

“Is there no memory, however traumatic, you won’t defile?” is an Alice-level read

oh, Fred would like to know how Jughead’s doing? ISN’T THAT NICE, YOU PRAWN

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Malachi’s House of the Dead is exactly what I wish I’d had the guts to make my dorm room look like, like all the cool lesbians’ rooms in the art majors’ dorm building, like the cellars of the Opéra Populaire but in the Strand

Gay?!: quick question: if Tall Boy weren’t here, would Malachi be fucking Jughead?

Cheryl had so seamlessly incorporated the Sugar Man into her emotional life as a first grader that she drew a family picture with him in it, like in Children of the Corn (her parents are two TINY stick figures in the background, it’s incredible)

is Sheriff Keller letting Betty have “one question” a red herring? asking for Jughead

the zoom in on Betty looking at Veronica and the cut to her audibly sipping on a milkshake is classic art

Veronica is right that Betty needs to “break up” with BH, but Betty’s Bettiness instead makes her want to “turn the tables on him”

HOW EASY WAS THIS CONVERSATION, BETTY. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TALKED TO THEM TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AGO

OH MY GOD! Jughead and Archie, together again, it’s been like THIRTY YEARS!!!!!

Archie knows why Jughead joined the Serpents, has learned some lessons maybe? (no)

the second god-blessed cut to Archie (in his letterman jacket) and Jughead (fleeced, his man-about-town look) with the prison phones to their ears

“SP-24601”: FP Jones played by Hugh Jackman would be a sight to behold

poor FP has lost everything except his honor and now he’s lost his SON. his hair is such a mess. he’s gotta SLAM THE PHONE

“Ghoulies dress like fops” is great

they drive hearses, like Claire Fisher

“RIVERDALE DRIFT”? Jughead did NOT watch that franchise? (Archie’s expression is fantastic)

FP’s like, I hate that you joined my gang, but now you’re going to break some laws for me

Penelope eats hard boiled eggs with toast soldiers

the Caravaggio reproduction I liked from the wake escaped the fire!

did Penelope know about the drugs? I thought she didn’t know but I guess just knew the Sugar Man was sketchy and avoided him for Legal Reasons

“I wouldn’t even go cruising here.”

Reggie DOES look good in the county’s blue vest

I hope the reason Betty’s avoiding talking to Jughead, LIKE ARCHIE KEEPS TELLING HER TO DO, is because it’s too important and she’s scared to see him

Veronica’s purple pumps

God bless jingle-jangle: Verne the JJ dealer is a cutie!

you know he’s a Ghoulie because he hand-stitched a leopard-print patch onto his studded sleeveless vest

Veronica was rich: $150 for two stix of the JJ??? this is how you know it’s the northside kids with the drug problems!

“Drugstore Cowboy”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: these angels hot glue the ends of the stripey jingle-jangle sticks, because it’s a family-owned business. I kind of love the Ghoulies? like I’d rather hang out at Malachi’s than the Whyte Wyrm from what I’ve seen so far, as long as I get my next tetanus shot first

Jughead calls Archie his “boy” to impress Malachi, Archie is wearing his Riverdale jacket probably without thinking about the political symbolism

I couldn’t believe Maggie Kiley had the audacity to stage the “Veronica/Betty?” “Archie/Jughead?” face-to-face, but she’s this season’s Lee Toland Krieger, she is an artist

Y’ALL REALLY GONNA TAKE JUGHEAD’S FIFTH HOME AWAY FROM HIM?

“SHARON”?????????

Cheryl’s red crop top and paisley trousers

“an unrepentant spore”

Penelope is Cheryl’s “cobra-like mother”

I swear Graham Phillips was darling on The Good Wife

Archie approached Reggie for the car and Betty approached Jughead about fixing it, and that’s that

Jughead consented to sulk next to her while she tuned it up, because he loves her but he’s mad

and it’s okay that he’s mad, for the record, because he’s been broken up with three times in two days

his voice cracks, preciously, when he’s like YEAH AND YOU BROKE UP WITH ME

I love how pissy and curt Jughead gets when he’s peeved. “You just called it a date.”

I’m curious about “You did the one thing that could hurt me.” EVERYTHING hurts Jughead

Betty’s in denim overalls and Jughead’s in a mechanic shirt for no reason except they’re next to cars

Cheryl is getting some grade-A maple syrup this episode! leveraging the St. Clairs’ check for dirt on the Sugar Man? GIRL

The female gaze: Veronica slept with Archie one last time because he literally might die today

aw, he’s proud of Veronica for her Ghoulie stunt

Hiram and Hermione are LITERALLY playing chess

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHEN VERONICA SAID “HE TRIED TO DO IT TO ME,” EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WATCHING WITH ME WHEN HIRAM LOOKED UP WAS LIKE OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!! I’M TELLING YOU!!!!!

Hiram is about to rip someone’s face off with his teeth and Hermione steps into frame and it rack focuses on her, GENIUS

These students are legally children: I want to say Tall Boy is the only adult at the race. the FP at Jughead’s party, if you will

Best costume bit: everyone of course looks fucking incredible at the race. the Ghoulies? slick and absurd dandies. Kevin’s powder blue bomber jacket? he’s not at Needle Park, and he’s cruising. Betty’s high-waisted post-WWII skinny Express trousers? she knows Jughead’s looking. Cheryl’s $1,000 leather jacket and Quentin Tarantino foot-fetish slingback? she knows I’m looking. and Jughead in all black? Jughead looks GREAT in leather. Betty, write this down

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Betty’s bandana and ponytail

Please protect Betty: Veronica and Archie get to make out, while Betty and Jughead have to make do with Betty telling him she can never stop loving him and to drive good

Jughead doubts it: Jughead’s “You’re an enigma, Cooper” is the second-greatest thing he has ever said to her, after “That was haunting, Betty.”

so Jughead can drive? Jughead can drive STICK?

Toni and Sweet Pea got out on 1) lack of evidence or 2) Penny Peabody threatening someone

Gay.: Toni got a face full of Cheryl and she’ll be back. Toni, save Cheryl from the evils of this world

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl was ABSOLUTELY “born for this moment”

Sixth period is Intro to Film: I know this is Grease, and I can appreciate Jughead being the Danny Zuko of this moment, but I don’t want to forget the chicken run from Rebel Without a Cause, where Natalie Wood starts the race with only her elated sky-high jump and tiny 50’s waist

Jughead gives Cheryl a thumbs-up and Malachi makes the rock-and-roll index-and-pinky signal

Cheryl’s hair: God, the see-through scarf? her immaculate cutout shirt? her Jesus Christ Superstar heavenward arms? CHERYL WAS BORN FOR THIS MOMENT

I don’t think Jughead is shifting gears

BUT HE IS HAVING A GREAT TIME!

oh NOW you say “abort”

Archie > Dawson: TURNS OUT ARCHIE HAD A GREAT PLAN! WOWZERS

Jughead can drive very well, has very strong arms, and can run very fast. these things I didn’t know!

okay but the race is forfeit, right? buys them some time, maybe

Betty and Veronica watching Jughead go lite-ballistic from stress and Archie being like, Dude, dude, calm down, like something was not right with the world (Archie did a great job)

although Jughead is right that the power politics are complicated and everyone is in danger, although it was frankly that way before

I liked Archie using a chessboard analogue. Veronica is rubbing off on him

is Betty getting a ride home with Reggie? classic

“Careful you don’t get burned again.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Penelope’s left hand makes her so uncomfortable that she wears ONE leather glove

when one Sugar Man retires, another seamlessly takes his place, like the Dread Pirate Roberts

“Damn good coffee”: fucking correct me if I’m fucking wrong, but is that the nightmare painting hanging over the fucking fireplace?

Cheryl hands the check back over, because as you will remember Cheryl honors business deals, but Penelope decides to be “a mother”

Pop’s trademark blue purgatorial lighting bathes the girls in their plotting booth

The Blue & Gold is basically just Betty’s awesome blog at this point

her “Care to comment?” is WICKED though

Betty has resolved to find BH, which means he has about three episodes left. the Serpents should really start involving Betty in their maneuverings, as she is just as much a hereditary Serpent as Jughead and much more effectual

50 Shades of Betty: SHE’S BREATHING DOWN HIS NECK AND SHE LOVES IT. this is her driving fast! they love danger!!!!!!

was Mr. Phillips protecting Jughead by telling him to stay away from the drug world??? (I mean obviously he was, but because Phillips was an insider and liked Jughead and didn’t want to have to kill him) or did he just not want Mini Woodward and Bernstein on the case?

he and Jughead make the exact same sort of grimly resolved/horrified eye contact, respectively, as FP and Jughead when FP got arrested last season

Toni TOTALLY knows this shattered something of Jughead’s Southside foundation. look at her little smile

Archie thinks his plan with the race backfired and he’s worried he’s losing Jughead, PUNKIN

Fred’s popping Chekhov’s Valiums, so he’s about to be addicted to drugs

I can’t even do it out here with the fucking Lodges sitting around their cream salon with Andre being like, the St. Clairs are dead or whatever, ma’am, and Hermione’s like, Thank you Andre, go get yourself something nice

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s like, I HAVE HAD A STRESSFUL DAY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL

“CHECKMATE,” HIRAM? HIRAM, HAVE YOU MURDERED? DID YOU JUST MURDER?

Betty and Jughead I want to say are back together, but they did not kiss this episode, which means I have to start over with the tally marks on my wall

Betty’s reading The Silence of the Lambs, to better figure out what her game is going to be (Jughead had a copy)

Jughead looks over at her like, Damn. My girlfriend is fucking scary. I fucking love my girlfriend

SUGAR GETS GOT!!!!!!!! BODY COUNT OFFICIALLY TWO! he’s almost caught up to Hiram Lodge

NEXT WEEK: Sheriff Keller does me a solid and takes his shirt off

#riverdale #i say #commentary #tropes

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athleisure-aesthetic · 8 years ago

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Ugh I did the thing again where I was busy all week and forgot to post on here. So here’s a lightning fast recap of my workouts from the past week, if you care at all. I actually think I worked out (ish, except Friday kinda) every day which is a first in a while. Bless.

Tues Mar 21 Abs and shopping. I went home after work to get my car so that I could drive to trainings the next two days, but went out to Target as soon as I got home, cause duh. Stupid idea to try on like real clothes tho, my self-conscious ass was like ohhhhh no way you need to tighten up those saddle bags and that back fat before you get any of this. So. I got a crop sweatshirt and athletic leggings, felt bad about myself but hadn’t had dinner, so I went to Wawa. Woof.

3x each 15 reps straight leg raises 15 reps roll ups leaning camel x 45s bird dogs x 45s 60 reps heal touches plank 35s, 40s, 45s 10 reps assisted push up 40 reps russian twists 8# alternating superman 1 min 15 reps single leg pulses

Wed Mar 22 Run on the trail after this horrific training class in which I was literally the only student for an all day session. And I had to go back the next day 😩 went to Marshall’s before my run to see if I could find any cold weather gear bc I only had my sweatshirt, gloves, wool earwarmers, and thin leggings. Didn’t find any of that, but got those AMAZING NEON PINK LEGGINGS IN THAT ONE PICTURE and some other ones too. You know me, can’t stay away from that athleisure ish.

It was hella freezing and took me so long to warm up once I started on the trail. Fortunately it was so picturesque and my music was bangin so. I survived.

2.78 mi 9'55" min / mi

Thurs Mar 23 6 x 200m sprints on the trail. Bless up, convinced my instructor to finish early bc tbh he was not really all that helpful once I started following the book that was included, so I went to the mall and got some more athleisure (deh), cheap sunglasses, athletic ear warmers for $.50 each, a VERY cute lightweight rain jacket, and (!!!!!) these black leather slip-on sneakers I’ve been looking for for like 6 months. I just caved and got the name brand ones but stILl omg I’m so excited about them I finally found them.

Started the sprints in the cotton leggins I was wearing, then after like maybe 9 or 10 strides I was like oh FUCk no they suddenly lost all their elasticity and I was having to pull them up for my life. So after completely embarrassing myself hoisting those mothereffers up for my first sprint, I jumped in the car and changed into spandex pants, then zoomed back to the trail start and actually did my workout. Good thing my house is only 8 minutes away from that part of the trail.

I think I may have mis-read what my Nike app was telling me to do, but I’m pretty sure it said to do 6 x 200m sprints with 4:45 min in between. So that’s essentially what I did, I sprinted for the 200m and ran / jogged in between. Although the app only recorded the distance for the sprints, I wanna say I did a little more than the day before, since I went further on the trail. I hate that you can’t go back and check what it told you to do; you only see how you actually ran according to the app. Lame af. Though I was proud, I increased my sprint speed at almost every length except the 3rd.

0.77mi 6'59" min / mi (lol can’t believe I actually ran a mile faster than that at one point in my life holy shit)

Fri Mar 24 No real workout here, since I had to leave work early to take the train back to le Nova for Palooza. I scarfed down a Snap pizza (the classic spot) right before the show, and somehow stayed away from the dangers of late night college food. Though I did get all my steps in my showing one of our friends’ home friend around campus, and apparently that little tour counted for a nice brisk walk. Obvi the Snovas killed it, as a great opener for what my friends and I dubbed AcaWeekend. Saturday they’d be competing at ICCA regional semifinals #pitchperfect for the first time ever, which was so exciting. Palooza the day before was just their warmup, but fortunately we got to see two new songs from them. It kinda sucked for them though bc they went first out of the seven groups and the sound guys always need a few groups to warm up before they actually refine the balance, and they just sounded muddled. Womp. Oh well. Everyone knows they’re/we’re the best anyway. Proud alum.

Sat Mar 25 Run in the morning before the day’s festivities. This was a quick workout before most of the humans who stayed in my apartment became humans, a brief mile ish to the waterfront and back. I realized I’d been wearing a blueish shirt and black leggings in literally all of my pics lately so I spiced it up with these fun stripey ones. Lol.

We adventured to brunch, where I had a yummy spinach and goat cheese salad with fig dressing, and wandered around the city for the afternoon before we had to head to semis. I splurged on Hunger Burger at RTM because I told myself that this was my indulgence for the weekend, and I wasn’t going to be drinking anymore for the next few months (it’s not like I do it that often anyway, I just want to try it to see how it helps my training/weight loss, if at all), so I got a specialty thin mint shake. Woops. Honestly, it was so worth it though, and I didn’t even end up eating most of the fries anyway, so it wasn’t the worst I could’ve done.

At semis, there were literally so many good groups and we were all like oh shit how are they going to stack up?? But Snovas SLAYED even better than they did last time and ENDED UP IN THIRD PLACE WHICH IS THE CRAZIEST BEST HONOR WE’VE EVER GOTTEN AND IT’S JUST SO COOL!!!!! A cappella is the shit, guys, I swear. I’m so proud of those kiddos, and they get to submit a wildcard video for a chance at Finals in NYC which is like legitimately insane. They’re somewhere in the top 18-27 groups in the country right now, and coming from a school where we legit don’t have music majors and a joke of a music activities staff / support, this coulD NOT be cooler. They murdered it. And so did all the other groups at semis, like damn. We weren’t even sure anything was gonna happen for them, but they clearly did some things right. Ugh so obvi we celebrated when we got back to Philly, going to a few bars and ending up at Frankford, where we got some amazing soft pretzels and other snacks. Best day ever.

1.26 mi 9'21" min / mi

1.32 mi 10'03" min / mi

Sun Mar 26 Long ish run and relaxing. Got up and was worried about the weather forecast for Monday because I was supposed to be doing my long run for next week then, and it was going to be torrentially downpouring all day, so I was hoping to switch my days because the weather was decent enough that I could’ve done it on Sunday. But then I updated my app and A, it changed my schedule for this week anyway, and B, I remember I could’ve moved it anyway if I wanted to. So instead I went and did that 5K Sunday challenge thing that it introduced. And I ran back from there, so it actually was closer to the 5 miles I had wanted to do anyway. So ya.

I felt a little subconscious in these leggings because, though they are a spectacularly bright and amazing color, they also show my cellulite on the back of my legs… but I thought, fuck it, people will see me, and if they give me a look, I’ll just push harder and show them that cellulite means nothing if you’re fast and capable and strong. So. I used it to empower me, I guess.

Spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching ICCA videos, still hyped up on the Snovas victory. Legit it’s still coming to me in waves, it’s actually incredible.

3.11 mi 9'41" min / mi

1.53 mi 9'44" min /mi

Mon Mar 27 Full body circuit and a benchmark run. Work is starting to bore me so much lol on Monday I think I may have done approximately 2 work related things all day, otherwise I was just distracted. I decided to do a NTC workout and then my benchmark, so I chose Body Flexor 2.0, which worked a lot of different areas and was pretty fun. Then I ran on the treadmill for my benchmark for the first time, which was weird knowing my exact speed at certain times and being able to force myself to a certain pace. If I have to do it that way again, next time I’ll just cover the numbers and just focus on how it feels to push hard. The picture up there is me literally dying because of how sweaty I was. Plus fun leggings from Marshall’s.

1.54 mi 9'49" min / mi

Tues Mar 28 Abs / some arms, plus 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was an idiot today, and not only forgot a hair tie after my shower, but I left my phone at home, which I realized too late in the elevator on the way to work. Nice. So I had to go without both all day, though Kelly let me borrow a hair tie so I could work out thank GoD cause I was looking at using a legit rubber band, which would’ve been awful. The moves I chose for abs today ended up also working my arms a lot, which was nice to combo them. Because I didn’t have my phone, I just kind of had to make up my elliptical workout, which was meh but whatever. Next time I’ll be prepared. That’s definitely not my favorite type of cardio anyway.

Tonight I made these AMAZING baked zucchini fries, I probably could’ve eaten like 90 million in one sitting they were so crunchy and good. My sweet potato fries didn’t turn out so good (I actually burned the shit out of them, but I’m going to attempt to eat them tomorrow for lunch anyway 🙃) but I’m happy I’m trying new things in the kitchen, even if it’s taking me like 3 hours each time lolol.

I’m down a few pounds from last week, though, which is kind of nice! A little affirmation after working hard every day.

3x each 15 reps dumbbell side bends alt. sides 8# 15 reps twisting core stabilizers alt. sides 8# 15 reps bow extensions alt. sides 8# 15 reps woodchops 8# 10 reps windmills 5# 40 reps russian twists 8# 30 s plank 7 reps full extension inch worms 15 reps in-&-outs

Wooooof I’m going to try to post more often now that I’m all caught up. Lol it may last for a day but you know. #Goals.

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