#i was crying on the phone to my mom bc i've gone in for this exact issue before when i lived in the midwest and they never did anything
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watermelinoe · 3 months ago
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private clinics in costa rica really treat you right, during the vacation portion after classes were over i caught a local stomach bug and i remember one of the nurses touching my arm going pobrecita :( and then they gave me amazing pain meds and sent me home with a giant jug of juice to drink, and anyway i just had my first er visit in appalachia and the vibe was honestly similar
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love-belle · 1 year ago
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we caught that holiday glee !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which it doesn't take a genius to know that they're actually the icons.
or
for when you want to spend all of your christmases with them. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // charles leclerc x fem!reader
prequel - you got me thinking nonsense ⋆·˚ ༘ *
warnings - language
author's note - hahahahaha hiiii!!!! im so SORRY for being absent i've been going insane over school 😭😭😭 it's all just a mess rn (IM IN LOVEEEEE I MET THIS GUY) and hopefully, i can post often but still, i can't promise anything!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOVES <3 i hope ur all doing okay!!!! i love u all so much :)
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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yourusername here's a lil carol i wrote it's abt u and me 🎀
11,628 comments
username SCREECHING TOO MUCH TO UNPACK
username no bc nonsense christmas is so
username everyone shut up im focusing on "i need that charles dickens"
username SANTA DOESN'T KNOW U LIKE I DO
username roman empire or roman empire??? yeah that's what i thought
username somebody sedate me im going feral over nonsense christmas lord
username i know l*ndo ascended to the nth circle of hell after hearing this
username I NEED THAT CHARLES DICKENS
-> username girly did NOT hold back
maxverstappen1 ears are bleeding
-> yourusername ur 26282837 messages crying about cindy lou who say something diff but maybe that's js me
-> maxverstappen1 SHUT
-> username nah cindy lou who is PAINFUL
username charles and y/n 🤝 "what if we hypothetically broke up"
-> username nah bc i KNOW those mfs giggle while writing songs together
username THE TSHIRT OH MY GOF
-> username need that for educational purposes
username "i've been there through the good and the bad" ur honour i am unwell
alex_albon THIS IS WHY HIS NAME IS "north pole💈" IN YOUR PHONE ??????????
-> yourusername says who
-> alex_albon don't gaslight me
-> yourusername gaslighting is not real ur js crazy ☺️
username the lore is revealing itself good lord
username i will never be as iconic as y/n y/l/n and i don't think i can be
username OPPOSITE OF SMALL?? BIG SNOWBALLS?? girl u used to sing for DISNEY
-> yourusername i js need to cut a few words off and then it's the perfect disney anthem wdym 🙄🙄🙄
-> username start "cutting a few words" and the whole song is GONE 😭
username i played this in front of my mom y'all what am i supposed to DO
username WHAT'S 12-4???? YEAH
lewishamilton certainly an experience listening to this for the first time, seb and i are proud of you xx
-> yourusername i love my unofficial parents thank u xx
username i am unwell.
charles_leclerc so proud of you mon ange ( my angel )
-> yourusername thank YOU for writing songs with me ☹️
charles_leclerc forever and ever in awe 🥰
-> yourusername i love you
username THE TSHIRT OMG
-> username it's a need fr
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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charles_leclerc we caught that holiday glee
tagged yourusername
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muff1nqwq · 9 months ago
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I literally hate myself rn TwT
Me and my friend had a looong chat ( texting ) and then I put my device away. Then I noticed that my mom take it. I freaked out cuz what if she was gonna look through my texts?? Me and my friend we talking abt insecurities and I don't want my mom to cry again because of me. So I went upstairs to check and saw that she was looking down at a screen, I'm not sure which one though. Probably mine. I freaked out and went to the washroom. I took my blade, and without thinking twice, pressed down for a few seconds.. Then.. *shing* my two day streak was gone. One cvt. Deepest I've ever gone ( while I was wiping it with a wet tissue I started opening it then closing it with my fingers, then made it talk. His name is Jeff btw ) like it was medium styro which YAYYAYYY imma not sh for weeks cuz I beat my depth record :D
But yeah...now I realize that insecurities r normal to have and that there would be no reason for her to get mad at me bc I think I'm fat, and that shing bc of a THOUGHT ( hey, there might be a chance she was looking at her OWN phone ) was PROBABLY not the beeeest idea ever? ( like I don't wanna offend Jeff cuz he's friendly and all but I should have waited at least five days to create him )
Anyway, its only one cvt and its kinda small so HOPEFULLY my mom won't notice it.
Why does it feel like I'm writing a diary entry.
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liu-anhuaming · 1 year ago
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so i ended up sending that letter detailing all of my grievances dating back to high school to my parents yesterday morning, and as of now (36 hours since sending the email) i've heard absolutely nothing in response
i'm putting the rest under the cut in case y'all don't wanna see me spilling my guts about my bad relationship with my mom and possible abuse?
after a lot of thinking this past week, i realized that the idea of never speaking to my mom every again makes me feel giddy. my therapist was saying i shouldn't rush into this, but i don't think i am? this week isn't even the first time i've thought of going no-contact with my mom, but it's the first time it's been this close to becoming a reality. the thought has gone through my mind multiple times over the past year or so, but i always brushed it off as something that wasn't likely to happen
after weighing all the pros and cons, it just feels like the right thing to do, but i don't know how i should tell her, and i'm afraid of how she'll react
i'm also suddenly full of self-doubt, and a feeling that as bad as my mom was to me, she and my dad were still good parents and provided for me while i was growing up, and after everything they've done wanting to go no-contact makes me selfish and ungrateful, and all sorts of other negative thoughts. a lot of the guild and doubt i'm feeling is definitely me hearing my mom's voice in my head, and i'm trying to push it away
i told my brother i was thinking of doing this, and he said that while it's sad it's come to this, he supports my decision and has my back no matter what i decide. that's definitely helped me pull away from my self-doubt
I was also talking about this all with my coworker (we've spent a lot of time bonding over our terrible mothers), and she used the word "abuse" to describe how my mom treated me. that gave me major pause, bc i've never thought of my mother as abusive. in my mind, she's a terrible person but not abusive. but then today i was doing some googling, and it turns out a lot of the stuff she did can be classed as emotional abuse, so. yeah. that's a lot to process
but no matter what, my relationship with my mom is fucked. the idea of talking to her on the phone is horrifying, and the thought of visiting home fills me with dread and anxiety. whenever i'm home, i feel like i'm walking on eggshells, bc any slip-up means starting a fight with my mom. i absolutely don't feel comfortable sharing anything with her about my mental health or my feelings (bc she's always trivializing them), so when we do talk once a week i'm basically just telling her how my work week was and what the weather's like where i live. that's barely even a relationship
and when i think about the possibility of her changing and becoming a better person, i just don't care? like it's great if she actually internalizes what i'm saying in my letter, but for me it's too little too late. i've already spent the past decade trying to get through to her, and she never listened, so now i just feel done with it all
idk, but if i still don't hear from my parents by tomorrow afternoon, i'll be breaking the silence myself and calling them. bc i am not trying to have a major fight with my mother on a weekday night, where i'll probably spend a bunch of time crying, and then i'll have to go to work the next morning feeling like ass. the advantage of doing it on a sunday morning is that i have the whole rest of the day to feel like shit
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withahappyrefrain · 1 month ago
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First off, this was beautiful. The relationship between Bradley and Smart Aleck is so amazing but also so realistic. Like their conversations are similar to ones I've had with my own husband. The chemistry is off the charts and I simply cannot get enough of them.
Also them being domestic?!?! Getting ready for a vacation?!?! My heart my heart!!
And now for my ramblings below:
But honestly it's so realistic that he fell asleep I don't blame him
Home - where he could finally wake up next to you and have you be right here - not an ocean apart. Bradley already dreaded the next time he’d have to leave you. 
IM ALREADY CRYING 😭
But later? He’d slap your pussy so hard you’d be begging for his cock in no time - in fact, maybe he should time you? See how long it took you to break, to babble, to beg. 
SIRRRRRR THE SWITCH??? from needing to cuddle her to THIS? Deceased.
“But I woke up beside you, so I can’t be too angry.” You leaned in to kiss him. “It’d be impossible to be angry now, actually.” 
I love them so much they're too cute your honor 😭😭😭
That tattoo gets me Everytime my heart breaks every time
He groaned. Fuck. He couldn’t believe he had a girlfriend who said stuff like that. It was like something out of a wet dream. “You seriously only took your fingers the entire time I was gone?” You nodded. “Good girl.”
😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
Him making her an audiobook I'm dead. Not just because that's hot as hell, but also the fact he wants to do research into the dynamic and make it right/good for her????? Like???! Bradley Bradshaw, the man that you are!!!
God, he would love missionary for how close it lets him be. A romantic at heart! I love him. Also love how he's obsessed with her tits like yes girl, get it!
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This fic is making me feel much better about gaining some weight, thank you for your service
She's dimming the light?! Baby girl he loves you, he loves your body!!! 😭😭 I feel for her, I feel her so hard. Also I really love that you gave her a struggle that so many of us have gone through. Like your insecurities don't just magically vanish when you're in a loving relationship, it takes time and work and I know Smart Aleck will get there!
Stop shaking the thought away Bradley! God, he's so close, so freaking close to figuring it out!!! And in a way I like that it takes him time because that's realistic but I still want to shake them both
Her not knowing what to wear 😭😭 God this is hitting me so hard. And Bradley is just trying to be supportive!! Honestly surprised I haven't cried yet because I feel her so much
You've also convinced me that yes, Maverick is Bradley's dad. I love that smart Aleck has a relationship with him as well!
Bradley's right, if I met a 30 year old man who went by Teddy, it would be an immediate red flag. Also the way he's so protective of her and Amelia?! My heart can't take much more Jordan 😭😭
THE PHONE SEX?!?!?! JORDAN ELIZABETH (idk your middle name, I'm just inserting one bc holy shit that was hot and entirely too short God, do they need a third??? Asking for a friend).
“Yeah?” Granted, if you kept rutting against each other like this, he’d probably cum in his shorts - there really wasn’t a lot of substance to the running shorts he was wearing - but god. He needed to sink inside you. 
THE WAY HE IS SO DESPERATE AND NEEDY FOR HER JORDAN I AM FERAL. FERAL!
Good. Then he wasn’t going to apologize for what he was about to do. Because Bradley had to fuck you, he had to be inside you right now. Something about you and being off and those tights and that dress and his run and the subsequent endorphin rush. 
OH MY GOD ITS THIS SCENE THE ONE YOU TALKED ABOUT
Idly, he recalled the jibe he had ignored from Hangman the other day regarding his leave: not all of us have rich girlfriends to take us on two week vacations.
Jake, that sounds like a personal problem my dude.
Hi, can I personally slap her mom?? Smart Aleck, Bradley loves your curves!! 😭😭I need the next part, I need Bradley to remind her she is more than her body, that he loves her no matter what size she is!!
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rocketman: part iii - Some things Cosmic
Summary: finally back home, bradley can focus on all the things he's missed while he's been gone. there's someone there to properly welcome him home, frantic reunion sex, prepping for an amazing vacation, family dinners, and the casual intimacy he's come to love between the two of you. but there's still something up with you and he can't quite figure it out. it'll be fine, right? catch up with [part 1] and [part 2]
OR sex, s'mores, and secrets
Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader 18.5k
Warnings: 18+, explicit language, body insecurity, suggestive dialogue, suggestive content, and sexual content (oral (f + m receiving), vaginal fingering, p in v, dom/sub influence, and praise, rank, and degradation kink). also on ao3!
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i want to be naked, i don’t mean my body, i don’t need my body i’m floating away
Bradley startled awake sometime later. It happened sometimes. He had these dreams were it felt like he was falling. Out of his plane, out of the sky, out of your arms. Falling and falling - with no end in sight. 
That wasn’t to say that they were necessarily nightmares or anything. (Because the distinction between the two was glaringly obvious.) 
They just unnerved him a bit. Left him unsettled, untethered. 
He rolled over and stretched his arm out across the bed, until his fingers brushed against something silky. Something warm and silky. He turned his head to find you sprawled out next to him.
You had changed between now and when Bradley had last seen you - he glanced at the clock on his nightstand - seven hours ago. 
Fuck. 
He had fallen asleep before you had even gotten upstairs. 
Goddammit, he felt like an asshole. He rubbed his hands over his face, sighing. This was the last thing he had wanted to happen, especially after what you two talked about earlier that evening. 
You’d give us your wild? Of course. Of course, of course, of course he would. 
Like you knew he was thinking about you, you shifted your hips, inching closer towards him. Your body was only half under the thick duvet cover and top sheet, so even in the early morning light he could still see the navy nightie you were wearing. 
Bradley liked to think that you had stowed it away someplace and changed downstairs in order to surprise him in bed. Except now he’d never know because he had fallen asleep on you. God, he was the worst boyfriend. 
Tonight, the night three months in the making, he had missed cuddling and kissing and all the best parts of getting cozy in bed with you because he had fallen asleep before you had even gotten upstairs. And sure, he had gotten a taste of what was to come on the couch while you laid underneath him and drew imaginary shapes across his chest with your finger and he held you tight and counted your heartbeats. 
But this was supposed to have been a big deal. It was the first time you both went to bed in the same room without the fear that you’d be leaving in the morning or later in the week to go back to your highrise. You were both home. Really, truly home. 
Home - where he could finally wake up next to you and have you be right here - not an ocean apart. Bradley already dreaded the next time he’d have to leave you. 
There was a future with you. There was that little boy - or little girl - from your dream. The perfect mix of you and Bradley. 
(Don’t ever be a Rocket Man. I mean it. 
When you’re out there you want to be here, and when you’re here you want to be out there. 
Promise me you won’t be like me.)
Suddenly, there was this overwhelming urge inside him that if he didn’t touch you and have you in his arms, that he’d slip away, back to space. Untethered. 
You kept him on the ground. You kept him safe. 
Bradley scooted over towards your side of the bed and wrapped his arms around you, unable to bear another moment untethered. There, that was better. You were soft and warm and felt so precious in his arms. And with your nightie rucked up around your hips and one leg extended out and the other hiked up, your body was on full display. 
Easy access.
Your thighs were so fucking soft and curvy and he desperately wanted to slot himself right between them. Have them bracket his head, while his tongue lapped at your pretty pussy. 
Would he start there? Eat you out until you were begging for his cock? Have you grind on his lap…until you were begging for his cock? Or…just generally begging for his cock? 
They all seemed appealing, but admittedly kissing you until you were breathless and then rocking his body above yours until you were both tumbling over the edge had plenty of merit, too. Bradley wanted to treat you like you were precious first. 
But later? He’d slap your pussy so hard you’d be begging for his cock in no time - in fact, maybe he should time you? See how long it took you to break, to babble, to beg. 
But that brought him back to the present. Could he wake you up, now? Bradley knew you’d been stressed and busy ever since your mom had come to town and because of all you’d confessed earlier; so, would it be fair to wake you? You hadn’t woken him up, afterall.
After an indeterminate amount of time of just holding you and watching you breathe, you rolled your bare ass against Bradley’s crotch and let out a pleased hum. He gave your hip a squeeze and you burrowed even deeper in his arms. Your skin was softer than the silk nightie you were wearing and he could feel the heat pouring off your body.
He slipped his hand down to knead your ass and you sighed. “Hmm, da-dley? Bubba?”
“Hey, kid.” He kissed your neck. 
Once you were a little more lucid and opened your eyes, you pulled your nightie down to cover your ass, though that didn’t stop Bradley from playing with the lace hem. 
You rolled over so you were now face to face and wrapped your right leg around his left. 
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”
You cupped his cheek. “Wanted you to sleep, you looked so tired. Pretty too.” 
It was dark in the room at five thirty-eight, but not completely pitch black, so Bradley could still make out your soft features. You had somehow gotten even more beautiful in the three months he had been gone. It wasn’t obvious, not at first, and not to anyone who wasn’t really paying attention. 
But it was obvious to Bradley because Bradley always paid attention.
“Well,” he kissed your forehead then your nose, “I’m still sorry, especially after what we talked about earlier, should’ve stayed up for you.” 
“But I woke up beside you, so I can’t be too angry.” You leaned in to kiss him. “It’d be impossible to be angry now, actually.” 
He hitched your right leg higher over his hip and groaned when he could feel your core through his joggers. You squirmed against him, cheeky little thing. But with his joggers and t-shirt still on, Bradley was definitely overheated and the sweat was building at the back of his neck, to say nothing about the heat your body was giving off. 
As if reading his mind, you grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and slowly dragged your fingers up his stomach, stopping at both his happy trail and then the patch of hair in the middle of his chest, before taking the t-shirt off completely. A soft thud rang out when you’d thrown it across the room and it presumably landed on the floor. 
“You gonna take these off, too?” He slipped a finger under the waistband of his joggers. 
“Been dying to all night - hips up, Bradshaw.” 
Bradley arched his back and helped you slide his joggers down his legs, taking his boxer briefs with them. Your gaze lingered on his body for a long moment, but you just gave him a coy little smile. 
“Fuck,” he sighed in relief, “How’d you let me sleep in those?” 
“How’d you fall asleep on me?”
“You got me drunk!” 
“Not my fault you’re suddenly a lightweight - Bradley!” 
He pinched your side and you wiggled away from him with a shriek. “Uh uh, not so fast.” 
Bradley pulled you close again, desperate to be nearer to you. You tangled your legs together and pointed your torso towards his, but remained perched on your elbow, while he was laying down flat.  
Suddenly somber, your eyes were drawn back to his body and he just let you look - drink him in and see what you had missed over the last few months. Every new freckle, scar, bruise, age line. 
Bradley couldn’t wait to do the same. What had he missed? What was different?
He could feel your eyes lingering on his abs. Normally, you remarked on his thighs and shoulders, but tonight it seemed you had a different focus. You appeared hesitant, biting your lip, as you dragged your finger across his stomach. 
Did you like how he looked - how he had changed in your time apart?
“You’re so handsome,” you whispered, almost to yourself. 
Bradley kissed you and returned the compliment. “And you’ve gotten even more beautiful since I’ve been gone.” 
You appeared bashful at the comment, which just let Bradley know he’d have to give you more of them over the next few weeks. “Come ‘ere.” Without waiting for a response, Bradley started pressing kisses all over your face, your cheeks, your neck, your lips. If it was possible at this point, he drew your body even closer.
“Bra-adley! We have an entire bed here, you know?” You giggled when he rubbed his nose into your neck.
“Mmmm, but it’s nice and warm here.”
You scooched down on the bed on your stomach so you were looking up at him. With a smile, you began to press languid kisses across his chest, starting just above his belly-button and creeping up to his pecs, heart, and shoulders. You loved his shoulders, you always managed to notch your head there during sex and press little kisses to the scars dotting them and his neck. Bites, too - marks to prove he was yours.
But tonight, it seemed you had a different path in mind and, while you still nipped at his shoulder, you didn’t stop there and instead went straight to the small tattoo on his bicep. You traced your fingers across the roman numerals:
x x x i x
Thirty-nine. 
As in thirty-nine years old. An age neither of his parents ever got to see. 
Bradley had gotten the tattoo when he was in flight school and a bit of a shit with self destructive tendencies. People never really asked what it meant and he never really wanted to tell anyone. 
He’d told Ezra, right around the time when they first started talking about moving in together, before that spectacularly failed. He also told Nat. However, the latter was only because he was drunk and pissed and he had just made lieutenant, once again surpassing his father in something.
Maverick had seen it about a year ago. He had never asked Bradley what it meant and probably never wanted to have it confirmed what it meant. But to anyone who really knew Bradley, it was easy to put together.
Bradley had told you about it on your fourth date. 
It was the second time you’d slept together. Because while your first time had been frantic and had taken you both by surprise (you, in particular, were freaked out that you’d slept with someone on the first date without a condom), the second time was much slower - softer. 
You had planned the date this time. Bradley had picked you up at your apartment - he even had come upstairs to get you - with flowers - and the two of you had dinner at Callie, followed by a performance at the San Diego Symphony. It was actually thanks to one of Bradley’s fun facts about playing the piano that you had gotten the idea. 
Both of you had gotten dressed up (a big departure from your third date hike in Torrey Pines), the food and drinks had been plentiful and delicious, and listening to Ravel’s Piano Concerto in G Major and Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 was made all the more romantic by the way Bradley held your hand for the entire first piece and had his hand on your thigh for the entire second.
So, after eating you out on your kitchen counter and going two rounds in bed, Bradley had told you what the tattoo meant and about his parents and Maverick and you had told him about your mom and your accident during your junior year of high school. 
And if you had asked Bradley, it was after that date that he knew he was going to fall in love with you. 
It hadn’t felt scary to tell you any of it. It felt right and natural. Like you wouldn’t judge him or get scared when things got hard. Like he wanted to protect you at all costs. 
And because he had told you what the tattoo meant, it made the moments since when you’d really focus and hone in on it all the more sweeter. During this last deployment, Bradley had often felt like the ink was burning into his skin under his flight-suit. It kept reminding him that he had once thought he had a timeline or a stopwatch on his bicep, slowly ticking down. But with you, it was something to strive towards, to reach beyond and be there for LIX, LXXXIX, and even XCIX. 
“What’s it like flying at night?” Your question snapped him out of his thoughts and you pressed another kiss to his tattoo to calm him. “I kept thinking about it on my flight to London. And how you must see this all the time, is it still a big deal? Can you even stop and think about it? Just endless night with thousands of stars to guide you? Being in the middle of the ocean, nothing around for hundreds of miles.”
(What’s it like, out in space?
It’s the best thing in a lifetime of best things - oh, it’s really nothing at all. 
But you always go back.)
“You’d never thought about it before?” his voice came out thick, hoarse. 
You shrugged a shoulder. “Not in that way, I guess? I couldn’t sleep on the way to London, so I pulled up the shade in the middle of the night. I’ve never really thought to do it before, don’t know why - but then I saw all those stars, endless stars, thousands of them. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Your finger stopped tracing patterns on his arm for a moment before it started again. “And I though to myself this is what Bradley sees. This is why he loves it and for that brief blip in time I got it. I understood. Makes me love you even more in some way.” 
Bradley felt like he was going to cry, the feeling swept over him so suddenly. “I uhh - fuck.” 
“You don’t have to say anything,” you sounded contrite, “I just wanted you to know.”
Could he tell you? Could he tell you that flying at night with all the stars in the sky simultaneously made him feel closer to and yet farther away from his parents? It was like they were right there, but also so far out of reach. But he didn’t say any of that. He couldn’t say any of that, not now. The words couldn’t come.
Instead, he pulled you closer, putting your face at level with his own. “I love you.”
You smiled and he could’ve sworn there were tears in your eyes, but it was hard to make out in the darkness. “I love you, too. Now please kiss me.”
Bradley let out a chuckle, but leaned in to kiss you without another word. The kiss was sweet, but still had an underlying desperation attached to it that came with being away for months. But unlike every other kiss you’d shared since Bradley had gotten home, there was no need to stop or to prevent it from going further. No, now you were his. He could have you however he wanted.
Not breaking the kiss, you shifted and bracketed your thighs on either side of his hips, allowing him to slide his hands up your body. He’d never get tired of thinking it, but god, you were so fucking soft. Your hips, your thighs, your breasts, your hands, your lips - actually…
His next words were grunted against your neck. “Your lips are really soft - softer than normal,” he finished when you went to interrupt him. 
“Must be my lip mask. I put it on after I saw that you fell asleep on me…”
“Hey, hey,” he tickled your sides and you collapsed on his chest amidst your giggles, “I said you should’ve woken me up!”
“Would you have woken me up?” You had him there. “See? This way I could stare at you uninterrupted and get all moony over you. Plus, now isn’t this better? No more sleepy bubs.”
No. He was definitely awake now. And from where your core was laid on his bare stomach, he could already feel how wet your were and couldn’t wait to slip inside you. 
“‘Could kiss you for hours,” you said against his lips. You kissed him - once, twice, ten times, smiling all the while. He never wanted you to stop. “Bradley,” you whined, “Need you inside me. Gotta get used to you again. ‘m so tight.” You nipped his earlobe. 
He groaned. Fuck. He couldn’t believe he had a girlfriend who said stuff like that. It was like something out of a wet dream. “You seriously only took your fingers the entire time I was gone?” You nodded. “Good girl.”
You preened under the praise. Because it surely had to have been a bit of a challenge. “Yours are so much bigger, though.” Bradley rolled his eyes at your cheeky tone. “What’re you gonna think up for me to do next time you’re gone? Like what you talked about earlier?” You didn’t linger too much on the next time part of your question, so he didn’t either.
“Hmmm. What about tasks?”
“Oh? Like what?”
“Well, I’d have to do more research, but like you have to wear xyz or send me a picture of you doing something? Whatever we want.”
You nuzzled his neck. “Mmmmm, I like that. Wish we could really talk when you’re gone, though. I’m not sure I could handle every comms officer hearing what I need from you again…”
An idea suddenly struck Bradley. It was amazing he hadn’t thought of it before. “Maybe I can make you an audiobook?”
Your jaw dropped and you contorted your body to look up at him. “You’d do that? Seriously?”
His cheeks colored. “I mean, not like an actual one, but like a voice memo or something?” The idea didn’t sound nearly as good out loud as it did in his head. “If you wanted…”
“Oh my god, yes! I very much do want.”
Without another word, Bradley rolled you both over so now he was on top, knees bracketing your hips so as to not put his full weight on you. Your nightie was still covering your stomach and breasts, but that didn’t stop him from snaking his hands underneath the navy silk to play with them. They felt fuller than normal - not that he was complaining, but he hadn’t noticed earlier and now -
His cock brushed against your stomach in a way that had you bucking up against him, so desperate, so keen, so fucking good. Good girl. Your lips were eager against his as you poured every thought, every email, every Facetime call into your kiss. 
God, it had been so long. Fooling around on the couch earlier in the evening paled in comparison to how plump your lips felt and how keenly your body reacted to his. Because you felt so good. Months, weeks, days had passed and Bradley had never felt anything as good as your body beneath his. 
You sighed and squirmed up the bed so your head was laid across the pillows, all the while Bradley made his way down the bed. 
“More, bubs, please.” 
How could he refuse, especially when you had asked so nicely? He bent forward to give you a sloppy kiss on the lips before working his way down your body, from your neck and collarbones, to your breasts through your nightie, and finally to right below your belly-button. From there, you readily allowed him to bend your knees so your feet were planted firmly on the bed and your core was completely exposed to him. 
Even in the early morning light it was exquisite. You had the prettiest pussy Bradley had ever seen - and it was his, all his.
“Fucking gorgeous.” 
You startled at the first touch of his lips on your thighs, but let out the prettiest little sigh when he sucked on the skin by your birthmark. There was another as he licked along one of your lightning lines. And another as he kissed the hood of your clit. 
God, you smelled so fucking good and were groomed just the way he liked it -  like the perfect, obedient, good girl that you were. And perfect, obedient, good girls got their pussy played with until they were babbling like dumb little sluts.
“- Would have thought this would be your first stop?”
Bradley chuckled, but didn’t stop dragging his fingers across your inner thighs and lower lips. “Yeah? What, d’you think I’d do? Just dive right in? Take you on the kitchen table?”
“I would’ve let you.”
Once the words had sunk in, he stopped teasing you. His elbows gave out beneath him and he groaned with his face pressed against the sheets. Fuck. That was a conversation for another time, but just the thought of you letting Bradley basically use you had him grinding his hips into the mattress.
You were so good. 
He popped his head back up and slapped you - lightly - across your pussy. “You keep saying shit like that and next time I just might.”
In response, you arched your back and tried to close your legs around his head, but Bradley just tutted and spread them further.
“Uh-uh, need to have a look at her, I've gone three months without her.” Your hips jumped off the mattress as his fingers started playing with you, tracing circles over and dipping in and out of your cunt. “‘pretty pussy. She took such good care of you while I was gone, didn’t she? Look at you dripping for me, huh?”
His fingers scissored inside of you, dragging against your walls, while his thumb needled your clit. Your wetness spread across his fingers and he, in turn, spread it across your folds and inner thighs. He liked when you were messy. He liked to feel you all over his face.
“Bradley,” you whined. “Stop teasing.”
Neither of you really wanted that, so it didn’t even merit a response from him. Instead, he kept sliding his fingers inside you in and out, in and out and crooked them ever so slightly before he added a third. Above him, you gasped and jolted. 
“‘Atta girl, arch your back, just like that.” You whimpered at his praise and kept rocking your hips in tandem with his fingers. Fucking glorious, such a good girl for da -
“- Bradley…” He peered up to see that you had one arm over your eyes, while the other was pawing at your breasts through your nightie.
“God, you’re sucking on my fingers so tight, I would believe you’ve taken anything up this pretty pussy in months.”
“‘Want your mouth, please, please…” 
“Where?” his voice was muffled. Bradley sucked his lips around your thigh, right by your labia, but refrained from kissing you were you wanted him most. He wanted to mark you up everywhere, have your thighs and breasts and neck covered in little bites and bruises. 
Mine. Mine. Mine. 
Good. Good. Good. 
You whined. It sounded pathetic and he had barely even started. “My pussy. Please, Bradley? Please?”
Who was he to deny you? Because, god, you tasted so fucking good. It was hard not to absolutely devour you, especially after going for so long without you. Bradley slid his hands down from your hips to grab your ass and rut your cunt deeper against his face. As a reward, he got a slew of pretty little whimpers out of you.
He continued at a steady pace, alternating between probing your clit and slipping his tongue inside you. Above him, you arched your back and he pressed a firm hand on your stomach to keep you down. 
“Bradley,” you cried as you rode his face. 
God, you sounded so pretty now, he couldn’t wait to get you on his cock later. 
Pretty girl. 
Smart girl. 
Good girl. 
His girl with a body like Aphrodite. 
“Ahhh - fuc - ahhh.” You made that sound and he knew, without even looking up, that your head was tipped back in pleasure and you were close. “Bubs,” your voice came out small, “want you - inside me, now.”
“Uh-uh.” Bradley pulled his head back, but continued fingering you. “You need to come first.” 
Come on his face. 
You shook your head frantically against the pillow. “No.” You gasped when he purposely plunged his fingers deeper. “‘wanna with you - ahh inside me.”
Somehow you grabbed the hand he had pressed on your stomach and you dragged it up your body. His knuckles brushed against the silk of your nightie until you eventually pressed sloppy, open mouthed kisses to your interlocked fingers. And all Bradley could do was say your name in censure, which ultimately came out heavy with need.
“Please? Want it to be together our first time back.” You whined pitifully. “Haven’t touched myself in days.”
All you had to do was pout and he was gone. 
“Fine,” he smacked your thigh, “but I’m gonna make you come again after I finish inside you.”
“Yes, yes, anything, Bradley.”
You would be spent and whiny by then, it wouldn’t be hard. 
After swirling his fingers once more around in your cum, Bradley held his fingers up to your mouth for you to clean them off. “That good?” You hummed around the digits before he retracted them and tapped your cheek twice. “Atta girl.”
Next, he shifted up on the bed so his knees were straddling your waist. He was achingly hard at this point and bit back a smile as you made grabby hands for his cock. It pulsed in your grasp and you swiped your thumb over the slit to rub his pre-cum over the head. Fuck, that felt divine. While you may have relished how much larger his fingers were than yours, Bradley loved how large his cock looked in your smaller hands. However, he’d already let your tender touches go on long enough - another minute and he’d come all over that silk nightie you hadn’t taken off yet.
“You gonna be a good girl for me?” Your eyes were wide and you nodded. 
Trusting, needy, desperate. Such a perfect girl for him. 
“Wanna be full.”
He brushed the head of his cock against your pussy lips, making sure it was nice and wet and, god, you were fucking soaked and practically sucked him in. You whimpered and muttered something indistinguishable, but wrapped your arms around his shoulders and canted your hips up for more. Then, once Bradley slipped just the tip of his cock inside you, you gasped, but brought him closer. Your nails dug into his shoulders, hopefully pressing little crescents into the skin. He pulled back and slid in again, inch by inch, earning a breathy gasp from you every time. 
Holyfuckingshit. You were so tight. So fucking tight, even after prepping you with his tongue and fingers. 
Yours are so much bigger, though your voice echoed through his head. 
You were so fucking soft and warm and wet and felt perfect around him. With each thrust he’d grunt out your name and you in turn would give a whiny Bradley and eventually wrapped your legs around his hips. And then you were also clenching down on him like you’d spent the entire three months doing kegel exercises. 
“Fuck, you made me so hard - thinking about how much of a good girl you were while I was away, keeping this nice and tight for me,” he barely got the words out. 
“‘do anything for - for you. ‘d let you do anything to - mmhmm - me,” you finished with a whimper. 
Fuck. Your unwavering trust in Bradley always took him aback. Because you meant it. You really would let him do anything to you. If you had the slightest inclination that it would please him, you would do it. He had never had someone who trusted him that much. And that wasn’t something he took lightly. 
With that thought in mind, he snapped his hips against yours in a particularly hard thrust that had you crying out. 
“Mmm harder.”
He bent down to suck on your neck. This - the closeness - was why he liked missionary so much. It was perfect for this exact moment. There was plenty of time to take you hard and fast later.
“Oh, god. Feel so full - Bradley, Bra - Bradley!” With every utterance of his name, he drove deeper inside you. Harder inside you. You’d ride him next time, he’d make sure of it. But for now, breathing each other’s air, gasping against each other’s mouth, and feeling the sweat on each other’s brow, being so impossibly close to each other, it was hard to say where Bradley’s soul ended and yours started. 
Yours and mine are the same. 
He groaned your name and you opened your eyes to gaze up at him with an almost dazed expression. Grabbing the back of your knee, Bradley went in at a different angle, trying to get deeper. “Feel how much your little hole’s dripping? Just needed me to stretch you out again.”
“Mmmmm yes, yes, da-dley - ahhhh,” you cried out, “can I come? Please, please?”
Oh, you were such a good girl for him. Asking so nicely, so prettily. So properly. Thank god he had prepped you, he wasn’t going to last much longer, himself. It was kind of pathetic. Both of you were, to be frank. Obviously, you more than him in this instance, but -
“‘Course. There you go, sweetheart, come on my cock like a good girl.”
When you finally came a few moments later, it was with a strangled cry of his name that Bradley swore was the most beautiful sound he’d heard in months. As the shudder of pleasure swept over you and you tightened your core around him, Bradley hastened to find his own release. The slew of cries and whimpers against his lips as you tried to settle down only spurred him on further. He drove into you again and again and again. 
He had to get there with you - had to. You clung to him and notched your head by his neck, only to graze your lips along the tender skin there and bite. 
“Fuck,” he grunted. “‘You ready for me to come inside you, sweetheart? Know how much you missed it.”
You nodded against his neck. “Yes,” you whispered, “Bradley, please…”
He groaned your name. It sounded so good like that, so perfect. He had to say it again and again and again. With each stroke, your overstimulated pussy fluttered around him, pulling him towards his own orgasm. His jaw clenched and his back muscles tightened and Bradley could barely support his own weight over you for another moment - 
“‘s good, bubs, feel so full.”
Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was it. That did it. 
With a final moan of your name, Bradley came inside you, painting your pussy with his cum. His cocked twitched one final time as the last streams of cum filled you up. He notched his head against your shoulder and he breathed in your sweet scent. 
Goddamn. 
Once he settled down and caught his breath sometime later, he moved to pull out, knowing that when he did so, both your cum would drip down your thighs. Your gorgeous, thick thighs. He already needed to get lost in them again. And wasn’t that just the thing? Bradley was obsessed with you. He could never get enough of you.
“No, no, not yet,” you whimpered. 
He stopped and pulled you closer, but slightly changed your position. There was some perverse part of him that wanted to make a comment about keeping you on his cock for the rest of the morning so you could get used to him again, but he refrained after thinking about the tone of your voice. You sounded so fucking good and docile and submissive. Such a good girl. 
“Pretty sure you owe me another one…” You burrowed your head against his neck and moaned when he shifted. “How ‘bout I stay inside you? ‘That okay?” You nodded and your pussy tightened against him. “Good girl.”
Keeping you close, Bradley slid one hand in between your bodies to play with your throbbing clit. You arched your back up towards him, trying in vain to get closer, though that was nigh impossible - the two of you were already as close as two people could be. 
Yours and mine are the same.
He needled your clit between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it back and forth, trying to get some moans and whines out of you. God, your body felt unreal. Still so warm around him, still so wet for him. All for him. 
Mine, mine, mine. 
As your body shifted, your pebbled nipples brushed against his bare chest and Bradley was remiss for not playing more attention to them earlier. But that could’ve been because you were still wearing that goddamn nightie. You were flustered and warm and your skin was glistening with the slightest sheen of sweat. 
He bent his head down and mouthed at your breasts through the midnight blue silk. They were already hardened to peaks, desperate to be suckled on, especially after noting their new size. There would be time for that later, he had to remind himself. 
For now, he nipped at the top of your cleavage and kept playing with your clit. You were so oversensitive, you were practically shaking in his arms. And in response, you raked your hands through Bradley’s hair, pulling on the strands. Fuck him. That felt divine, especially as he felt you tighten around him. 
“Brad-ley,” you whimpered, “’s too much.”
“Shhh, easy, easy, there’s no rush.” He tipped your chin up. “You want me to stop?” You shook your head. “Take a deep breath. That's it. Good girl.”
Little whimpers kept escaping your mouth, but you burrowed your face against his neck and trusted him to take care of you. You nipped at the skin there and he hoped it would leave a mark; let everyone know that he was yours and only yours for the next few weeks. 
Mine, mine, mine.
“I’ve got to take care of you, you were such a good girl while I was gone. My best girl, huh?”
“Mmmm.”
“So beautiful, so smart. Took such good care of things for me, huh?” He could feel as well as hear your breath hitching, letting him know that you were close. “‘gorgeous girl, so proud of you, sweet g -”
And that did it. 
So proud of you.
You came with a cry and your walls fluttered around his cock once again. A sudden gush of wetness coated both yours and Bradley’s thighs. God, it was beautiful. You were beautiful. Your name kept running through his mind and Bradley realized he was actually muttering it against your lips through kisses. There were tears in your eyes and he thumbed them away before they could slide down your beautiful face.
“Hey, too much?” He kissed your cheeks, which unfortunately only made more tears spring from your eyes. “I didn’t hurt you, right?” 
“No, no,” you shook your head, “I just missed you so much, think I’m overwhelmed,” you finished sheepishly. 
The tension in Bradley’s shoulders eased and he smiled down at you. “Now you’re gonna make me cry, kid.”
“I love you.” The words came out quietly, but it was like they’d only just come out of your mouth before Bradley was saying them back. 
“Love you, too.” The smile he got out of you warmed his heart and he pecked your lips before tucking your head under his chin.
The two of you laid there for some time with Bradley still inside you. In fact, he was pretty certain you may have dozed off at one point, but he didn’t want you to be too uncomfortable when you woke up later. With that in mind, he slowly pulled out and settled you on the bed beside him. You fussed a little, but Bradley kissed your forehead, heading it off. 
He started with your name, “I’ll be right back, okay? Going to the bathroom.” You nodded at him, your eyes wide and trusting. 
It was chilly out of bed, away from you, and Bradley only paused for a brief moment to slip on a pair of his sleep shorts from the dresser, before heading off to the bathroom to get a damp towel for you. He hastened back to the bedroom, now almost fully lit in the early morning light. You made such a pretty picture all tucked under the thick, white duvet. 
“Bradley?” You stretched out underneath the covers and let out a little whimper. “‘m sore.”
“Shit, sorry,” he said with your special nickname tacked on the end. “Come ‘ere.” Despite his words, he came to you and dutifully cleaned you up with the warm cloth. 
“‘s not your fault,” you slurred, “need to get used to it again. Missed you.”
The cloth passed over your thighs once, twice, three times, before Bradley brushed it against your core once, twice, three times. You sighed and gave him a lazy smile, which he easily returned. 
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the inside of your knee. “Be right back,” he whispered. 
You’d barely managed to get back under the covers by the time he came back from the bathroom. And then, with all the care and love you deserved at the moment, he bundled you up in his arms. You were so warm and smelled so pretty and your nightie felt so soft against his rough fingers. Everything about that moment was perfect. You were so precious. You pressed your cheek against his chest and he hoped you could tell how fast his heart was beating. 
“I missed being with you like this, missed holding you.”
You pressed lazy kisses to his chest for a moment before you eventually tipped your head up to meet his eyes. “Can we stay like this? Just for a while? Don’t wanna get up yet.”
“‘Course,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “go back to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
--------------
When Bradley woke hours later, he did so slowly. He was pleasantly warm, he was finally sleeping on a true mattress, and you were slotted between his legs sucking his cock. 
Surely, there were few better ways to wake up than to have your sweet lips wrapped around him. It wasn’t something you did often, at least in terms of waking Bradley up this way, but he loved whenever you took the initiative. It showed how eager you were - how desperate. Really, the only thing that could top it would be your pussy sunk deep on his cock as you rode him.
You had to have been at it for a while, for he was achingly hard by this point. His hips bucked up, thrusting his cock deeper into your mouth and you let out a surprised moan, no doubt having thought he was still sleeping, before taking him further. Your tight grip on his thighs left him relatively grounded, else he would have set off a round of those gagging noises from you that he liked so much. That wet mouth that he liked so much - fuck. 
Bradley groaned your name. You peered up at him with those wide, innocent eyes like you weren’t getting him off while he slept. Like your pussy wasn’t soaking. Like you hadn’t been grinding it against his bare thigh for the last however many minutes. 
And you kept at it with Bradley’s hand grabbing your hair and guiding you. You kept working him, forcing him deeper down your throat. He moaned and you responded back in kind. Such a good mouth, such a good girl, taking care of him like this. It took him a moment to realize he was doing it, but he was mumbling your name, almost nonsensically. 
But then he felt, rather than saw, you remove one of your hands from his thighs to presumably put it between your legs to play with your needy pussy. And that just wouldn’t do.
“Fuck. Get up here,” he said and then punctuated it with a growl of your name when you stayed down. The whimper you let out had him bucking his hips up off the mattress. “I’m serious.”
Almost begrudgingly, you eased him out of your mouth and the resulting, wet pop echoed throughout the bedroom. You looked far too pleased with yourself as you sucked on your finger - the one that had definitely been shoved up your pussy only moments ago - and hummed in response. 
“Get up here - now.”
You braced yourself on either side of Bradley’s hips and teasingly brushed your pussy against his aching cock a couple times, practically begging for him to sink inside you. It would be so easy for you to ride him right now, but that wasn’t what he wanted.
“Bossy, bossy,” you teased and crept up his body, pressing kisses to his happy trail and chest along the way. But just as you were about to kiss him on the lips, he stopped you.
“Uh uh.” He stuck his finger in the air and mimed a circle. “Turn around.” 
Your jaw dropped. “Are you…” Again, just Bradley twirled his finger around and smiled. “F-fine.” 
“But,” at this you relaxed your thighs to press more of your weight on his stomach, “you have to take this off,” he finished by thumbing the navy fabric of your nightie. 
It only took a moment for the smile to creep across your face, but you didn’t take your eyes off Bradley’s as you slid the dainty straps off your shoulders, one at a time. You didn’t take the nightie off, it still covered all of your stomach, but it let Bradley ogle your breasts unimpeded for a moment. 
“Will that be all, lieutenant commander?”
He just shook his head in disbelief. “Cheeky little slut.” 
And then you smiled, looking so proud of yourself for rattling him that he had no choice but to slap the top of your ass. Hard. You huffed.
“Now turn around.” 
You rolled your eyes, but managed to turn around with Bradley’s assistance. The brief awkwardness of limbs strewn about was easily forgotten as soon as you got into position and he was rewarded with the sight of your glistening pussy in front of his face.
Bradley didn’t bother holding back a moan and started kneading your ass and running his fingers along your lower spine. Meanwhile, you wiggled down his body, dragging your breasts against his bare skin for the first time all morning. They were so soft, but your nipples were pebbled as they brushed against his stomach. He hissed when you lingered there for a moment to tease him.
Not one to let you get the upper hand, Bradley grabbed your hips to draw you close to his face and inhaled your sweet scent. Fuck. You were so good. You let out a mewl and startled when he first made contact with his tongue and then attempted to nose at your clit. That always got you going. Same with his mustache against the tender skin at the apex of your thighs. Maybe he would abstain from shaving on vacation, if only you’d ask.
“Fucking gorgeous,” he groaned your name against your skin and then he feasted. 
Meanwhile, the way your hands were playing with his balls right now had him already teetering towards an orgasm. After only being able to fantasize about having your hands on him - your sweet, delicate hands on him - for the last three months, this felt divine. And then you put your mouth on him and he was well and truly done for.
“Fuck.” 
Neither of you lasted much longer after that.
--------------
After your depravity filled wake up call, the rest of the morning took on a decidedly more chaste tone. The room was filled with giggles and the sounds of kissing as Bradley told you some of the more entertaining stories from the carrier and Australia, while you revealed that you had watched his 60 Minutes segment at least nine times. When he asked you why you’d watched it nine times, you just ducked your head and bashfully said it was because you sounded really smart.
It was finally around noon when Bradley said you two needed a shower and to have breakfast before embarking on the rest of the day’s activities, which included a tour of the house, complete with all the little goodies you’d amassed for him over the last couple months that he had glossed over last night, and getting ready for drinks with Nat, Caroline, and Max at six-thirty. Granted, the latter was six hours away, but Bradley had a feeling you both would be pretty slow to the take that afternoon. Probably would get a little distracted, too.
“‘m gonna take a shower,” his lips brushed kisses up and down your arms and over your once again silk clad breasts and he was rewarded with giggles, “you wanna come with me?”
“Oh!? Uhh - yeah, we could take a shower.” You pecked him on the lips. “Can you warm it up first, please?”
The pout worked - it always did - but Bradley still groaned, totally hamming it up. “Mmmm, I suppose...”
With one final kiss, he dragged himself out of bed and made his way into the bathroom. He flicked the lights on with a snap, going for full brightness on the dimmer, and turned around to give you a cheeky wink, only to see you worrying your lip between your teeth and staring intently down at your clasped hands on top of the duvet. He called your name and your eyes snapped up to meet his gaze.
“You good?”
You nodded and put a smile on your face. “Yeah, be right in.”
Odd. But then again, Bradley could’ve been reading too much into it. He hadn’t seen you since before Christmas, afterall. You were probably just tired. Yesterday had been a long day. And he had run you pretty ragged this morning. 
The water had warmed up while he was going to the bathroom and was the perfect temperature by the time he finally got under the spray. Just as he was about to call out to you again, he heard you enter the bathroom - and promptly dim the lights. 
“Woah, woah - hey!”
“Sorry!” you called out from behind the shower curtain. “I uhh - I just have a headache, don’t want the lights too bright too early in the morning.”
It was twelve-fifteen. 
Bradley frowned and looked at your shadow moving on the other side of the curtain. You were standing up straight - he would almost call it stiff. It was an odd request, to say the least, but it wasn’t exactly pitch black in the bathroom now, just a little darker, especially from the waist down. 
“Okay, just be careful when you get in - here,” he pulled the curtain back and held his hand out for you to step over the lip of the tub. You startled, but nevertheless took his hand. “There you go.”
The two of you stood face to face for a moment, allowing you both to get your fill of the other. It was definitely darker in the shower now, but Bradley could still make out your ample curves. Streams of water dripped down your chest as you tipped your head under the faucet and it was impossible for him to not watch as the droplets cascaded over your breasts. 
They looked fucking glorious by the way - he was slightly put out that he hadn’t gotten a chance to really play with them in bed earlier - you had only given him a glimpse of them for a few moments - but there was always later. Or now? Now was also good.
“Did these get bigger?” The words were out before he could think twice and he cupped a breast in each hand. Your nipples pebbled as his thumbs passed over them, back and forth, back and forth.  
Your eyes flew up to his face before glancing right back down at your breasts. “What? No, I don’t think - no.”
Bradley leaned back to catch your eye. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. They look great, feel even better, they’re just…”
“Oh! I guess I hadn’t noticed.” You turned your back to him. “Here, do you want to do my hair? Or I can do yours? Why don’t I do yours?”
Before he could even process what was happening, you spun back around and grabbed the shampoo bottle from behind Bradley and squirted some Ouai into your hands. He leaned forward so you could lather his hair up with the suds and appreciated your care in keeping them out of his eyes. For someone normally so dominant and in control, Bradley really did love when you fussed over him. He knew it wasn’t something you were comfortable with in every aspect of your relationship - taking charge like that - but it was nice in settings like this. Once the shampoo had set, he crouched down for you to rinse and then repeat the process with the conditioner.  
“I think we need a bench in here.”
“Yeah?” 
You hummed. “Just a little bump out, enough for someone to sit. You’re getting older, I wouldn’t want you to fall or hurt yourself during any rigorous shower activity.”
“Rigorous shower activity?” Bradley chuckled and nudged you with his shoulder before wetting your hair under the faucet. “You know, if I took all my showers with you, I wouldn’t have to worry about that, kid. Here, turn around, ‘s your turn.”
Gently, Bradley lathered up your hair and made sure to massage your scalp the same way you had done for him. You let out a pleased hum and then he repeated the process with the conditioner, though he might’ve used a bit too much. 
Once you were both back under the spray, you rested your palms on his chest and peered up at him with wide eyes. You looked like you were about to cry and he pulled you closer in comfort.
“I haven’t stayed here at the house too much while you were gone, just a night or two - like that night…with the email,” you confessed, “it didn’t feel right. I kept thinking you’d come home any minute.” Bradley pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “But I’d drop stuff off slowly, a couple boxes a week and whatnot.”
You both stood in the silence of the falling water for a few moments before you spoke again. 
“It just doesn’t feel real - all of this. I keep worrying that you’re gonna disappear again tomorrow. Or that I’m going to wake up or something. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
And that was just the thing: Bradley didn’t know what he’d do without you either. He had never felt this way before; that there was someone else tied to him, someone else living for him, while he in turn lived for them. 
“Hey,” he tipped your chin up, “you’re not the only one worried about that. But I have you with me now and I’m always gonna do my damndest to come home to you, alright, kid?”
“Alright.” You wrapped your arms around his waist, keeping him close, and pressed a kiss to his chest. “Love you, bubs.”
Bradley instantly tightened his arms around you. “Love you, too.” 
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.
Before long, your kiss on his chest turned into a kiss on the mouth and your hands roved over each other’s bodies as you shared the loofah and soap. “So broad, so strong,” you said in wonder as you roved your hands over his chest and thighs and chased away the bubbles. 
And then, after multiple passes over your breasts at Bradley’s hands - it was unfair how good your breasts looked all sudsed up - it was time for a final rinse. He hopped out of the shower first and had a towel waiting for you when you got out, before you ultimately changed into your fluffy white robe. 
The two of you completed your morning routines side by side in comfortable silence until Bradley went back to the bedroom to put on some running shorts and a t-shirt. 
“You want breakfast?” He snuck up behind you at the bathroom counter and kissed your cheek. 
You smiled at him in the mirror. “Yes, please.”
“Anything in particular.” He kissed you again. “Pancakes? French toast? Ooooo maybe hash browns and bacon, too? The works?”
You had been giggling while he had been kissing your neck, but you suddenly turned sober as he rattled off your options. “Oh, uhh - maybe some eggs?”
Bradley frowned. “Like scrambled?” 
“Or poached? I’ve been eating a lot of egg whites lately…” With the way you were bundled up in your robe and with your hair still wet from the shower, you looked small - young. Egg whites?
“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure, I can do some egg whites for you.” 
Egg whites? Since when did you like egg whites? You had always liked your eggs scrambled and a little runny - with ketchup. Idly, Bradley remembered Max eating egg whites and low carb toast for the entire month of May to get in shape for yacht week in Croatia. He shook the thought away.
“Anything you want, kid.”
“Thank you.” You gave him a soft smile and a kiss on the check. “I’ll be down in a bit, okay?”
And with that smile and a promise, Bradley headed off downstairs to make breakfast. 
Egg whites, really?
-----------
Bradley’s homecoming weekend extravaganza - your words - could only be considered truly complete with a family dinner at Maverick and Penny’s on Sunday evening. Penny wouldn’t hear of you two bringing anything to dinner, so all that was needed to do upon returning from a morning hike in Torrey Pines was shower and change. 
You didn’t have to be there until six thirty, but it was already five forty-five and at least a 20 minute drive, so you were both a little more hurried than you were after yesterday’s shower. In fact, when Bradley got out of the shower, he was surprised to see that you were still in your bathrobe and staring at your half of the closet like it contained all of life’s mysteries. Granted, your hair and makeup were done, but you just stood there with your arms crossed over your chest, absentmindedly biting your thumb nail. 
How long had you been standing there?
“If it makes it any easier,” you startled at Bradley’s voice, “I’m sure Mav will just be wearing a t-shirt and jeans.” Barely looking at the shirt he grabbed to go with his chino shorts, Bradley fell into your line of sight. “You good?”
You relaxed your shoulders. “Yeah, just…not sure what to wear.” 
The two of you stood side by side to take in the full array of clothes in the closet. While not all of your clothes - some bulkier items and more formal dresses were in the guest bedroom - there were still dozens of options in front of the two of you. You took a hesitant step forward and eventually took a pair of boyfriend jeans off a shelf and held them to your chest. Just as you were about to grab a boxy oxford, Bradley snatched up a brightly patterned, tiered, sleeveless dress that would hit at the middle of your thighs. The empty hanger rattled against the rod, but it stopped you in your tracks, the oxford momentarily forgotten. 
“This would look nice.” 
Even to Bradley’s own ears, his voice sounded lame, almost a little desperate. But there was something about you choosing an oxford to wear after staring at your closet for ten minutes that gave him pause. You had such pretty clothes, it would be a shame for you not to wear them. 
“It’s not too much?” Bradley shook his head and held the dress up to your body. “I bought it to bring on our trip, but now I’m not sure…”
“It’s perfect, trust me, you’ll look gorgeous. And you better pack it for Mexico, too, okay?”
“Okay.” You appeared a little flustered, but had lost the sad look in your eyes from moments ago, so Bradley considered it a win. 
With a kiss to the side of your head, he told you to finish getting ready and that he would be downstairs when you were done. 
After getting his wallet and car keys together, Bradley made his way to the mudroom to put on his new sneakers. Though you wouldn’t admit it, you had definitely ordered them for Bradley during one of your many Ted Lasso rewatches while he was away. He reminds me of you sometimes, you would demure when pressed. It was cute. 
With one foot propped up on the bench to tie his shoes, Bradley noticed the row of jackets in front of him. He called your name. “You want a jacket?”
“Yes, please,” your voice carried from upstairs.
So, he grabbed your jean jacket, figuring it would look good with your dress, and got himself his oversized grey Navy crewneck sweatshirt. Maverick and Penny always liked to have drinks and dessert out on the back patio, and though it had been a relatively warm day for March, Bradley knew the breeze off the ocean would make it chilly later. Maybe they’d light the firepit and have s’mores? You loved s’mores even more than Bradley did, if you could believe it. 
Just as he had gotten the jackets and threw his sweatshirt on, you appeared beside him. And just like Bradley had thought, the dress looked perfect on you.
“See? You look gorgeous.” You ducked your head and muttered thanks. “Here.” Bradley held your jean jacket open and helped you slip it on while you put on your sandals. And then you set off for Coronado in the Bronco. 
-----------
After a lovely dinner filled with much chatter and laughter, Amelia and Penny dragged you upstairs to show you her dress for the sophomore semi-formal next week. This left Bradley and Maverick to clean up the dinner plates and get things situated outside on the patio.
It was completely beyond Bradley’s comprehension how to get Penny’s fancy fire pit started, but Maverick had a flame roaring in no time. The two sat across from each other - Maverick on one of the cushioned, wicker swivel chairs with Bradley on the matching loveseat - and sipped their beers in comfortable silence for a few moments. The sun had set about fifteen minutes ago, but the sky was still a kaleidoscope of pinks, purples, and oranges. 
“So, how’re you really doing?” Though the question has been asked at dinner already, Bradley had just given a vague answer. But now that it was just him and Maverick, he felt he could be honest.
“Fine, I guess.” Bradley made a face. “‘s always weird doing some stuff again. We went to the store earlier; always takes me back that first time.”
“It’s the cereal. Too many choices.” 
“Yes, thank you!” Bradley exclaimed, glad he had someone who could relate. Every time he brought it up with Nat or the guys, they just looked at him like he had seven heads. They went from having few choices on the carrier, to endless when on land. “And the chips. Too many options and sizes.” Maverick chuckled. “We went on the way back from Torrey Pines to get more Diet Coke and I wandered off like three times just to stare at the oversized boxes of Lucky Charms.”
Maverick smiled wryly and took a sip of his beer. “You don’t look as tired as you did Friday afternoon, that’s for certain.” Though the way he’d said it had been completely innocent, Bradley still blushed.
“Yeah, it’s been amazing. You should’ve seen her Friday night, she was so excited to make dinner and the house just -” he broke off, “it felt nice coming home to someone like that, I guess.”
Nice? I guess? Bradley sounded like an idiot. It had felt more than nice coming home to you. Coming home this time made him never want to leave again. But the real test would come tomorrow when you went to work. And Bradley would be alone for the first time in three months. Alone in your big, quiet, house. It hadn’t been quiet in three months. There was always something else going on around him. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow, he could do things on his own time and make his own food and pick his own clothes. He could have choices. Luckily, Maverick didn’t seem to notice his sudden unease.
“That was all she talked about last week.” 
It took a concerted effort on Bradley’s part not to be jealous that you’d talked to Maverick so much last week when all Bradley had gotten were emails. Beautiful, heartfelt, smutty emails, but emails nonetheless. Before Friday, Bradley hadn’t heard your voice in weeks.
“She did a really good job. The cake was unreal, I had a piece for breakfast this morning.” That got a chuckle out of them both. “It’s nice to see her comfortable doing something outside of her wheelhouse. She kept sending me pictures from her lessons and even cooked for me on Facetime once.”
Just as Maverick appeared to be gearing up for a follow up, probably about how he’d gotten the leftovers from those cooking lessons, Bradley rushed out: “But we really talked Friday night - about a lot of things. It was good, though.”
“What about?” 
“Kids,” the word slipped out before Bradley could think better of it, “family, that kind of stuff.”
Maverick pondered this and took a sip of his beer. “And you didn’t mind talking about that right when you got back? Seems like a lot.”
“No, it was good.” Not looking at Maverick while he was talking made it easier for Bradley. That way he couldn’t see his pity. He shifted in his seat. “I’d rather we talk about it now anyway, that way it isn’t hanging over our heads on vacation and whatnot.” 
The fact that Bradley thought you were keeping something else from him didn’t need to be brought up yet. He wouldn’t even be able to put it into words, it was just a gut feeling at this point. You just seemed a little off. The egg whites, the boxy oxfords, the chocolate cake.
There was hesitancy in Mav’s voice when he spoke next. “So, you looking to get engaged soon? It’s been what? A year?”
“Almost, yeah. But uhh no, no.” The denial was firm in his voice. “Probably still a year off at least. It’s gonna happen - we both want it to - but there’s no need to rush it. I’m excited for it to be just the two of us for a little while, you know in the house and everything.”
“Good, good,” he sounded pleased, “you two have a good thing going, I wouldn’t want -”
“- We’re not going to have kids until I’m out of the Navy.” Bradley said the words in a rush and he really hoped Maverick would ignore how thick his voice sounded. 
But of course he didn’t. Maverick snapped his eyes over to meet Bradley’s, but he was suddenly focused on a loose thread on the upholstery. Shit. Why had he said that?
“Oh.” It was a long time before either of them spoke again. Bradley finished half his beer. “Is that your idea or hers?”
“It’s both of ours.” Bradley winced realizing how defensive he sounded. “Well, I kind of brought it up first, but she was the one who said we’d wait.”
“And you’re okay with that?” Bradley nodded. “Jesus, Bradley, you’ll be at least forty by the time -”
“- Forty-two.” 
Maverick looked sad and Bradley hated it. Because he knew, without Bradley even having to spell it out why you were going to wait. Because Maverick had been there. Because Maverick had held Bradley’s mom as she cried on too many occasions to count. Because Maverick had taken Bradley to all the father/son events in the place of his own father. Because Bradley realized, as he had gotten older, that Maverick thought it was his fault that Bradley grew up without a father. 
“Listen, we both know that a million things can happen between now and then and maybe the timing will be all wrong, but we want to wait. If it gives either of us the slightest peace of mind, we’re going to try and wait.”
The silence was heavy this time around. 
“Well, I guess it’s good you’re talking about it now - even if I don’t entirely agree with it. You should be enjoying your life together, not waiting around…” Maverick seemed to think better of what he was saying and took a sip of his beer. A beat passed until he spoke again. “Also reminds me of some stuff I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
Maverick waved him off. “It can wait until after your trip. Just some estate planning and whatnot, I know the four of us are in a really good place, so figured it was a good time.”
Estate planning? The four of us? The whole family was involved? Bradley’s curiosity was most definitely piqued. 
“Oh, err yeah, sounds good -”
“It’s nothing bad - promise!” he quickly backpedaled, “More paperwork than anything -”
“What’re you ladies gossiping about?” Amelia breezed onto the patio and messed up Bradley’s hair before she plopped down on the other end of the sofa. Naturally, he in turn had to elbow her in the side. Not hard, mind you, but hard enough for her to kick him back. 
“We were actually just talking about the dance coming up next Friday,” Maverick replied smoothly and Bradley stifled a snort. Since when had he become such a good liar? Regardless, Amelia preened. “I was just about to tell Bradley about your date…”
“What?!” Bradley exclaimed.
Amelia pouted, clearly put off that it had been brought up in front of him. He liked Amelia, he was protective of her, fucking shoot him. “Mav likes him!”
Maverick slightly cowed under Bradley and Amelia’s stares. “He’s nice, they’re on the debate team together.”
“Debate team?!” Alright, now he was putting it on a little bit, but as someone who had also been on the debate team in high school, Bradley knew that those guys were also smart, which generally meant they were way more trouble than the typical jocks.
Clearly misconstruing his comment, Amelia frowned. “Listen, I know you were rocking the middle part and puka shell necklace when you were on the debate team, but it’s cool now…”
“Puka shell necklace?” your voice chimed in from the doorway. “Pete never mentioned that when he was telling me of your high school heroics.”
Bradley’s cheeks colored. “Yeah, well, it was the late 90s and I thought Pacey Witter was cool.”
“The 1990s!” Amelia feigned hysterics and got a chuckle out of you and Maverick. “Next you’re going to be talking about where you were on 9/11 -”
“I was in kindergarten, we couldn’t go outside for recess,” you teased.
You sat yourself between Bradley and Amelia on the sofa and he threw his arm over your shoulders, pulling you closer. He knew you’d get cold soon, but didn’t want you to run inside to get your jacket or a sweatshirt just yet - he just wanted you beside him. Plus, there was also the fear that you’d get one of Maverick’s sweatshirts from inside if you forwent your jean jacket and that just wouldn’t do.
Amelia groaned, but still turned her attention back on you. “Okay, but you were definitely Joey Potter, breaking hearts left and right. No debate captains for you.” She stuck her tongue out at Bradley for good measure.
“Ha, I wish. No, I was actually kind of lame in high school, very angsty.” Bradley knew why, but Maverick and the Benjamins were still in the dark.
“Really?” Amelia frowned. 
It was easy to understand her confusion since you were just about the coolest person she knew - her words. Amelia had told Bradley so the first night he’d brought you over for dinner. Can you ask her where she got her sneakers? A couple weeks later, you and Bradley had gotten Amelia the very same sneakers for her birthday. She always blushed when you wore them at the same time.
So, the next words out of your mouth clearly surprised her. “Oh, yeah, I was knee deep in Mazzy Star and Vampire Weekend. The dark preppy vibe, if that’s even a thing?”
“Jesus, I wasn’t even that bad.” Bradley squeezed your shoulder and got a smile out of you with his teasing.
Maverick and Penny were talking off on their own, so you turned your full attention towards Amelia. “I was in a car accident my junior year of high school. Kind of set me back with school and then - well, private school kids are kind of vicious so…” 
“What happened? Sorry - that was -”
“- It’s oka -,” you started to say, then seemed to think better of it. Because nothing about that night had been okay. “I was in a car with someone and we got t-boned. I got pretty banged up, broke my right arm and leg. It seemed like I had a perpetual concussion for the next six months. He just broke his arm,” you finished wryly. 
He. 
He just broke his arm.
Bradley pursed his lips at the mention of Teddy Cavanaugh. Fucking prick. To say you’d gotten pretty banged up was putting it way too mildly. Thinking about it again made him just as upset as it had that night all those months ago on your fourth date when you’d told him the entire story. 
And more recently, Bradley had had the unfortunate experience of meeting Teddy over Thanksgiving when Bradley had played golf with your dad one afternoon up in Berkeley. As a rule, Bradley tried not to hate people on sight - at least not anymore. 
But god, he really fucking hated Teddy Cavanaugh. He wanted to fucking deck him on the first tee at Claremont Country Club. He wanted to slam his nine-iron into the Porsche 911 he was driving. And Bradley was pretty sure your dad did too. 
It was such a cunty move to get the same car.
Plus, what self respecting twenty-nine year old still went by Teddy anyway?
But the truth of what happened that night wasn’t exactly appropriate for a post dinner conversation, nevermind the fact that Amelia was only a year younger than you had been that night. 
The realization made Bradley freeze. 
You had only been a year older than Amelia when it happened. Amelia, who still slept with the stuffed cow her grandparents had gotten her for her sixth birthday. Amelia, who still played with her American Girl Dolls when she didn’t get invited to a friend’s house on Friday nights. Amelia, who still made Bradley a new welcome home banner after every deployment. Amelia, who still huffed whenever Bradley ruffled her hair as a hello. Amelia, who Bradley promised he’d teach how to drive that spring.
You were Amelia. You had been that young, that sweet, that trusting and Teddy Cavanaugh had thrown it all back in your face.
Bradley could feel his chest tighten, even as he ignored the chatter around him. Maverick and Penny had joined in whatever conversation you were now having with Amelia, but all Bradley could do was sit there. 
Without a word, he pulled you closer, so you were bundled up in his arms. It was still proper enough in front of his family, but he needed to have you close. Your legs were plastered together alongside Bradley’s right side and you burrowed yourself under the arm he draped across your shoulders. 
Everything was right as it should be. Bradley was with his family, Bradley was with you, here. Not on a carrier in the middle of the Pacific or the passenger seat of Mr. Cavanaugh’s Porsche. 
Here. And nothing bad was going to happen here.  
Soon, the conversation changed to whichever HBO show Amelia and Maverick were excited to watch later that night, while Penny went inside to get the dessert: s’mores. 
“‘You need any help?”
Penny waved you off. “I’m all set, everything’s already measured out.”
Once she was gone, Bradley pressed a light kiss to your shoulder and you shivered. “‘You getting cold, kid?” You nodded. “‘You want my sweatshirt?” 
“Please?”
“I’ve got one in the mudroom if -” 
“No, it’s fine,” Bradley cut off Maverick, “she can have mine.”
Quickly taking off his own sweatshirt and putting it over your head, Bradley didn’t even have the time to linger on how pathetic he sounded. Who did Maverick think he was, offering to let Bradley’s girlfriend borrow a sweatshirt? Didn’t he realize Bradley was more than capable of taking care of you?
“Thanks.” You smiled at him, now cozy and wrapped up in the still warm sweatshirt and Bradley nearly forgot why he had gotten so huffy in the first place. Nearly. 
“So,” Penny popped back out onto the patio with a heaping tray of marshmallows, a bowl of chocolate squares, and stacks of graham crackers, “who wants s’mores?”
“Me, me!” Amelia called, pushing her way towards the tray and subsequently dishing out the marshmallow sticks. 
Little shit gave Bradley the worst one, even knowing Maverick wouldn’t have any and therefore didn’t need one. As payback, he kept putting his marshmallow wherever Amelia’s was. It meant that he didn’t roast a single good marshmallow, but the glare she kept sending him was too funny to make him stop. 
Eventually, after Bradley had to blow out yet another marshmallow - Oh, shit! Not again! - you took over s’more duties. Just as well, really; yours were the best. You turned marshmallow roasting into an art form - a perfectly golden, gooey art form. While you didn’t eat any with graham crackers, you did have one you roasted over the fire with the chocolate already stuffed in the marshmallow. You smiled at Bradley’s shocked expression and then wordlessly made him three exactly like it.
All the while, you answered Penny’s questions about how your dad and Mary were doing and when they were next coming down to San Diego and if they would want to get dinner with her and Pete, just the four of them? But when you started nodding off against Bradley’s shoulder, he knew it was time for you both to head home. 
-------------
Mon, March 22, 1:43pm
How was your meeting? 
it was fine, but ran over and i didn’t get to have lunch before my one o’clock ☹️
At least have a snack or something, don’t want you wasting away on me, kid. 
i won’t! what’re you up to?
Stopped by the base for a bit, saw the guys and then went to the gym.
I might get a haircut later. 
you can’t get a haircut without me! i don’t trust you not to get it too short! plus i like it a little longer 
Oh yeah? 
i like when it gets curly at the ends, it’s always really soft too. can you wait till after the trip?  please bradley please?
Fine, but only because you begged me…
i’ll make it up to you later, promise and i did not beg you…
Or you could make it up to me now?
Is the office busy today?
no  it’s pretty quiet
You wore that navy skirt, right?
yeah with my white silk blouse 
What’d you wear underneath it?
bradley! i don’t know, boring underwear? 
You wanna show me? Just to check?
you can see when i get home, i’ll even try and sneak out a little early 
Wanna see now
Show me
fine, just give me a sec. i’ll go to the bathroom 
No
At your desk
Now
bradley!
Sweetheart I’m aching
[image: Mr. 7.5 Gs]
fuck holy shit bubs what were you doing before you texted me?
Jerking off, I’m bored
charming
Wanna be inside you
fuck bradley wish i was home to take care of you god you’re so pretty hold on
Keep thinking about you in your office, acting all proper and then I’d barge in and fuck you on that fancy desk of yours
[image: miss ‘the one day i’m wearing plain underwear’]
God such a good girl for me
Are you wet
mmmm  getting there this is so hot unless i get fired
I’d bend you over
Take you from behind
You’re always tighter that way
[Sent with Siri]
bradley
Need your mouth on me
I’d make you get on your knees and suck me off in front of the window
Fuck your throat
[Sent with Siri] 
bradley you’re not playing fair
No you’re not
Need more pictures of you
[Sent with Siri]
What do you want me to do? [Sent with Siri]
Shove your fingers up your cunt
Knuckle deep
[Sent with Siri]
I’d have to use three to feel like yours [Sent with Siri]
Need a video need to hear you too
[Sent with Siri]
[for bradley’s eyes only.mov]
Fuck you’re fucking gorgeous like that 
Always do just what I ask 
Fuck I need you so bad 
[Sent with Siri]
Need you too fuck [Sent with Siri] i can’t believe you got me to do that at work
When are you coming home? 
-------------
There was something up with you. The thought kept running through Bradley’s head Tuesday evening while he was on his run.
Bradley would never have described you as skittish, but that’s how you had been acting over the last couple days. You were still affectionate and kind and you. And had told him countless times how much you loved him and how happy you were that he was home. 
So, it had to be a physical thing. You were guarded whenever he touched you - whether you were being sexually intimate or he had just grabbed your waist to cuddle you closer on the couch or in bed. It was always your waist or stomach area, really. That was the hot spot.
At first, Bradley thought he’d been too rough with you that first time back, but he knew you trusted him enough to tell him if that was the case, so that was out. Plus, later that morning when you were riding him, you’d asked him to grab your hips so hard he’d leave behind marks. You liked whenever he marked you - and he liked whenever you marked him. And you weren’t shying away from sex with him, not at all. In fact, you were pretty insatiable.
Then, he’d thought you might have hurt yourself while he had been gone and had a scar or something that you hadn’t wanted him to see? But your skin was free of new blemishes, baring the zit on your cheek you’d been complaining about since Saturday night. 
At one point, Bradley had even contemplated that you might be pregnant. He had been gone for three months, an entire first trimester. But something about the theory didn’t sit right with him. 
First, you would’ve fucking told him on Friday night, especially after you both talked about waiting to have kids and how you were on the same page. Because Bradley wasn’t dying in an F-18 with a family at home. 
Then, there was the fact that you had an IUD and the possibility of getting pregnant on an IUD was even less than on the pill (<1% a year - he’d looked it up). And finally, you’d be showing by now, even if only a little bump. But now that he thought about it, in all the days that he’d been home and all the times you’d had sex, Bradley had only seen you completely naked once. One or both of you were always partially clothed. And he would have noticed - right? Your boobs were definitely bigger, but it wasn’t - that wasn’t it, no, he was sure you weren’t pregnant.
It had to be something about your body, your stomach in particular. Because you were still affectionate, still wanted him, were still relatively yourself, your boobs looked great, and you loved him. So, why did you practically jump out of your skin whenever Bradley’s hand grazed your stomach? 
He would give you until Friday to tell him on your own before he asked. That would be a week from when he’d gotten home, more than enough time. Plus, maybe being on vacation would get you to open up a bit? 
Because this just wasn’t you. You didn’t really keep any secrets from Bradley. He wouldn’t be so naive to say that he knew everything about you, but in general you were honest with him. Was there a hint in one of your emails? Some little detail he had glossed over in his haste to read any scrap of news from you, in your voice? Bradley had read all of them at least three times, some even more, but maybe he had missed something?
The run he’d gone on to clear his head left the problem no more clear than when he’d set off forty-five minutes ago. He ran up the back steps to the mudroom and toed off his sneakers before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. You’d be home soon, he needed to start dinner.
Last night, you’d marinated some steak tips and made some rice pilaf, while Bradley roasted some vegetables. There was plenty of leftover steak for dinner tonight, he just had to decide what to make with it. Taking a peek in the fridge, he took a quick inventory of anything you’d need to finish before leaving Thursday morning. A couple peppers laid in the crisper along with an eggplant, which stumped him as neither of you liked eggplant. He could do steak fajitas with those? There were always fresh tortillas around. Content with his plan, Bradley grabbed a bottle of Pellegrino from the side door and poured himself a glass. 
As he put the bottle back, his eyes landed on the chocolate cake, perfectly ensconced in glass snapware, on the top shelf. How the hell was there still leftover chocolate cake? In addition to what you’d had Friday night, the two of you had had some for breakfast Sunday morning - well, Bradley had had some for breakfast Sunday morning and you’d let him feed you a couple bites. He shut the fridge door with a little more force than necessary and started prepping the peppers and onions. 
You loved chocolate cake. And you’d worked so hard on it. Why the fuck weren’t you eating it? Plus, now that he really thought about it, you’d barely had a s’more at Maverick and Penny’s and instead kept yourself occupied by lovingly making Bradley’s for him. And then there were the egg whites.
It would be a lie to say that none of it had seemed off at the time, but looking at all the incidents together just showed how truly off things were. And then coupled with how off you were with other things like your clothes and stomach - oh. 
No way. No fucking way. That could not be it. 
No, no. You couldn’t be worried about how - 
Just as he was finishing up the peppers to go along with the onions he’d already prepped, Bradley heard the back door open.
“Bubs?” you called out, “I’m home!”
“Hey!” 
“How was your run?”
Bradley quickly washed his hands and went over to meet you in the mudroom. And there you were, looking polished and professional in a black tweed, sleeveless dress that he hadn’t gotten a glimpse at before you’d left for work that morning, thanks to the blazer you’d thrown over it. The bodice of the dress was decorated with what he hoped were functional gold buttons that were just begging to be ripped open. And to top it off, you were wearing semi sheer black tights and those black slingbacks he liked so much. 
Actually, you were leaning against the wall trying to unbuckle those slingbacks he liked so much. But all Bradley could focus on as you asked him about his afternoon was the curve of your hip and the fact that your breasts looked unreal in that dress.
His pretty girlfriend. His pretty girlfriend who looked so smart and absolutely fuckable right now. His. His. His. His -
You stopped trying to take off your shoes and shot him a questioning look as you approached. “Bradley?”
“Sorry, I uhh - yeah, it was fine. Saw the Thompsons finished their patio - is that a new dress?” His fingers idly brushed against the fabric and you froze. 
“Oh, uh, no. I’ve had it for a while. Since the move, I’ve been going through my clothes trying to see what I actually wear and - I know it’s a little small now, it keeps riding up my hips a bit, but I still think it looks nice on top…” You ventured out of the mudroom. “Does it look bad?”
No, it very much did not look bad on you. It was definitely tighter than anything you normally wore to work, but it looked good. And weary from the work day with your hair a little mussed and the dress a bit askew from when you tried to take off your shoes, you looked absolutely divine and Bradley had to have you immediately. 
“No! I’m just,” he goaded you further into the kitchen, “surprised you wore it to work - in a good way!” 
The shy look on your face gradually slipped away and you crowded into Bradley’s space. “In a good way, huh?”
His hands found their way to your waist and he waited for a reaction from you. Getting nothing but a smile, his thumbs rubbed circles along your hips and he brought you chest to chest. 
“I gotta ask, though?” You hummed. “Do these really work?” He dragged his fingers up and down the front of your dress, spending the slightest bit more time along the square neckline and your breasts.
“And what if they did?”
Bradley groaned your name and rested his forehead against yours. “Then I’d have to unbutton every last one of them right now.”
You kissed his neck, paying no mind to the stubble he had been growing since Friday night. If you’d asked, he would shave it in a second, but you loved the roughness against your neck and inner thighs. As your lips kept up their targeted attack on his neck and jawline, your right hand slid between your bodies to palm his cock through his athletic shorts. 
“But if you did that, then you’d have to take me right here…”
Barely a beat passed before Bradley grabbed your hips and plopped you down on the kitchen table. It shook under your weight. Your chest was heaving at the sudden action, in turn drawing his attention to your breasts and those tempting buttons. They reminded him of the ones on his old Naval dress coat from Oceana. 
“Lemme help you out there.” 
His nimble fingers made quick work of the four brass buttons that revealed your black lace bra. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell you were pleased he didn’t tear off any of the buttons. Knowing you, his spoiled, prissy girlfriend, the dress was probably expensive. Good.
Next, Bradley pushed the wide straps over your shoulders, leaving your black lace bra as his final impediment. “So pretty,” he muttered into your chest. Your head tipped back and you pulled him closer, deeper.
“You didn’t send me any texts today,” you barely got the words out as Bradley made quick work popping one of your breasts, then the other, out of your bra. It was technically a lie; he had texted you, but it had been a do you know where my Theragun is text, not a show me your pussy right now text. “I even wore pretty underwear for you.”
Bradley tutted against your left breast. “Guess I have to make it up to you now.” 
His mouth latched onto your nipple and he needled the little nub with his tongue. You carded your fingers through his hair and gave the ends the slightest little tug. 
“Thought about you all day, bubs,” you whispered the words against Bradley’s ear before nipping at the lobe. 
“Yeah?” Granted, if you kept rutting against each other like this, he’d probably cum in his shorts - there really wasn’t a lot of substance to the running shorts he was wearing - but god. He needed to sink inside you. 
Today was the first time since he’d gotten home that you hadn’t fucked in the morning. You had had to hustle out of the house for an early meeting and even Bradley had an eight-thirty physical at the Naval Medical Center. There had barely been time for a heated makeout against the refrigerator - to say nothing of a good fuck - before you’d left with your lip gloss slightly mussed.
“Would’ve come home sooner if I knew you were wearing these fucking shorts.” You slipped your hand under the waistband of his compression shorts that were borderline painful at this point and grabbed his cock with an expert touch. 
“Fuck…” Bradley allowed your touches to go on for a few more moments before he pulled back, knowing he’d spend in your hand if you kept this up. “Hold on.” You pulled your hand back and he yanked his t-shirt off over his head and threw it on the breakfast bench. Your hands crept across his chest before they eventually rested on his shoulders. 
But now it was Bradley’s turn to touch you. Your tights felt particularly soft beneath his hands as he inched higher and higher up your thighs. He loved when you wore stuff like this, so prim and proper. Especially when you got all squirmy beneath him. Cheeky little thing. The heat was pouring off you where Bradley was touching you between your thighs, even though your underwear and tights. Your arms wound around his neck to pull him closer and press your lips to his in a bruising kiss. God, he could kiss you for hours; he never tired of it.
“Bradley…” you sighed through his ministrations. “More, bubs.” 
He smiled, of course, anything for you. Anything to be inside you. But first, he had to ask: “These the thick ones?” You froze under him. “The tights? The thick tights? Like from Thanksgiving?” 
They had a more formal name, but he was focused on other things at the moment, namely if he could rip a hole in them to get to you faster. Over Thanksgiving, he’d found out the hard way that your tights were often rip resistant. Which really put a damper on a portion of your wine cellar escapades. 
“Oh?” The furrow between your eyebrows disappeared. “Oh! The tights! No, no, they’re cheap ones from J Crew or something.”
Good. Then he wasn’t going to apologize for what he was about to do. Because Bradley had to fuck you, he had to be inside you right now. Something about you and being off and those tights and that dress and his run and the subsequent endorphin rush. 
He had to have you.
Before he could talk himself out of it, Bradley tugged at the seam of your tights and ripped a hole in them large enough for his hands - and his dick - to poke through. You sighed when he broke through the nylon and slid your panties to the side to circle your clit with his thumb.
“So good,” he muttered reverently. 
God, what a pretty picture you made. Dress rucked up around your stomach, chest bare, and pretty pussy on display just for him. 
“More, please, Bradley.” You whimpered while he teased you with one finger, then two. “Anything. Need it - you.”
“You get stressed out at work today?” You nodded and then burrowed your head against his neck, rubbing against him like a cat in heat. “Poor thing, da - I’ll take care of you, yeah. Make you forget.” 
Bradley thrusted his fingers deeper inside you, crooking them just slightly so you’d buck up against him. You bit his neck when he tweaked his fingers just right. There you go, just a little more and you’d be ready for him. God, he was aching. He couldn’t fathom teasing you anymore. He needed you, now. 
“Just need to slip inside you, sweetheart. You made it so perfect for me.” Wet. Hot. Tight. Perfect. His. “There we go, just like that, good girl.” Bradley took a moment to line his cock up and slid inside you in one motion. “Fuck,” he punctuated the word with your name, “good?”
“Yes, yes.” 
You got into a steady rhythm that kept increasing. The table creaked under your combined weight and had anything been on it, it surely would’ve toppled over by now. 
You tightened around his cock and met his hips thrust for thrust. A wave of heat swept over Bradley’s body and he could feel you slipping deeper into a lustful haze. Knowing he was also close and would be near useless in moments, he hiked your left leg higher up on his hip so your heel was digging into the back of his thigh, anchoring you to him. 
“That’s it, that’s it,” Bradley said mindlessly. 
Your faces were so close, you were breathing each other’s air, stealing the word’s off the other’s lips. Yours and mine are the same. You cried out suddenly and snapped your eyes up to meet Bradley’s brown ones. God, you were beautiful. You both were beautiful. This was beautiful. Being together like this was beautiful. It was wet and loud and messy, but it was beautiful. 
Everything about it.
“‘m so close,” he finished with your name on his lips like a plea. “Wanna wait for you.”
“Don’t, ‘ll be right there.”
His thrusts eventually got sloppier and slower, but he could still feel you clenching around him as he spent himself inside you. 
“Fuck,” he panted your name. “That’s it, that’s it.”
“‘s full, bubs.” Your nails dug into his shoulder, centering him so he could turn the focus back on you.
All he needed was a few more shallow thrusts and a punch of your clit to get you there alongside him. You came with a cry, utterly spent, but sated. 
Your legs relaxed their hold against his thighs, but you didn’t totally release him. Meanwhile, he pressed kisses across your cheeks and lips, before finding himself notched along your neck. 
“There you go, good girl. Did such a good job, huh. So beautiful.”
It was quiet between the two of you for a few moments, all Bradley could hear was your breaths panting against his cheek, while your index finger moved lazily across his shoulder blade. But then you started shaking. 
And at first he thought it was from being overstimulated until he realized you were shaking from silent giggles. Bradley picked his head up from where it was buried in your neck and leveled you with a look that had you properly bursting into laughter. He wanted to make some smart comment, something cheeky, but the gorgeous smile on your face had him losing his feigned stoicism and he started laughing right alongside you. 
“So,” you said after your laughter subsided, “what’s for dinner, bubs?”
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The following morning, Bradley poked his head into the dining room where you’d made up your office for the day. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why you weren’t using the office upstairs, but he held back. He liked that you were downstairs, he liked that you were close to him. 
Of course he’d seen you work from home before. But there was something about seeing you holding meetings and taking calls for the first time in your home that made him smile. 
And though you were taking a half day to prepare for leaving tomorrow, Bradley knew you’d be checking your email and Slack for the rest of the afternoon before officially logging off for the next 10 days. 
10 days in Punta Mita - just the two of you, no distractions, no emails, no training runs, nothing but the sun, sea, sustenance, sleep, and sex. 
Just you and me, kid.
Bradley inched further into the room and leaned against the doorframe. “I’m gonna go for a run, but should be back for lunch.”
You took out your Airpods before responding. “Sounds good, how much are you thinking?”
“Probably a quick 10k?” It had been ages since Bradley had run his usual route through Balboa Park, so these last few days had been a treat.
“‘A quick 10k,’ he says. I should be done by the time you get back?” He nodded. “We can have lunch and then I’ll head out on my errands.”
Errands? “Oh? I didn’t know you were going out?”
You sat up straighter and fully focused on him. “Yeah, I have to get my nails done and then have to pick up a couple things - like your special sunscreen...”
“Can I come?” he asked, completely ignoring the sunscreen comment. It wasn’t special per se, it was just high SPF since he burned easily. 
“Really?” You sounded surprised. “It’ll be pretty boring.”
“No, I wanna come with you.” I wanna spend time with you. 
A bashful smile appeared on your face. “Okay, I’m trying a new salon.”
“Ditching your old stomping grounds?” Bradley asked, referencing your old neighborhood near Gaslamp. 
You nodded your head. “Figured I’d try someplace around here, but the only one that looks promising is way up on 30th?”
“I think we can make due with that,” he pecked your cheek, “alright, I’ll see you in a bit, kid. Don’t work too hard.”
“Har, har, see you soon.”
Bradley shot you a wink and set off. Who knew, maybe he’d set a new PR in his haste to get back home to you?
And sure enough, after his quick 10k through Balboa Park and the surrounding neighborhood, Bradley bounded up the back steps and quickly disposed of his sneakers and his sweat stained grey t-shirt on the mudroom floor. It had been stupid to even wear one in the first place, he’d had to tuck it into his waistband before he hit the first half mile. 
“New personal record!” 
Your face lit up with a smile as Bradley came into the dining room. “See, now, how do I know you just didn’t milk a 3 mile run or something?”
He rolled his eyes and gestured down at his torso, which was gleaming with sweat, even in the soft mid-day lighting currently cloaking the dining room, and showed you his running app for good measure. “Does this look like I milked it?”
“Come ‘ere.” You held your arms out.
“I’m all sweaty, kid…”
“Nope, don’t care, please?”
Hey, if you weren’t going to complain that Bradley was too sweaty or smelled, then he wasn’t about to put you off. He wrapped his arms around you over the back of the chair and put his chin on the top of your head.
“You know, if you like the scent of someone’s sweat that means you’re soulmates…” 
“Is that right?” You sounded amused.
Bradley burrowed his face in your neck, forcing a giggle out of you even before he pressed butterfly kisses everywhere. “Mmmhhmm, yup. You always smell perfect.” 
“That’s just my perfume!” 
“Nope, just you kid.” 
Bradley could feel you relax and let out a sigh. The two of you sat there in silence for a moment, content to just be with each other, until your Mac dinged with an Outlook notification. You stretched your arms out in front of you to reply to the email, but Bradley didn’t let you go. As he watched you type out a response to your coworker about if ESG investments were just virtue signaling or not, his eyes caught a glint of gold on your wrist.
“You really wear that bracelet everyday, huh?”
You turned your head to look up at him and he was pleased to note you looked incredibly flustered. “Of course I do. You got it for me.”
The matter of fact way you responded had him blushing. “Guess I’ll have to get you the necklace for your birthday…”
“You better not!” He just kissed your cheek. “Bradley, I’m serious! That’s too much - especially for just a birthday.”
“Then I’ll get it for you for our anniversary.”
“Bubs…” You were pouting now and it only made him want to get you the necklace more. “It’s too expensive for something like that; I looked it up online.”
“You’re no fun.” 
And so he would continue to be denied the pleasure of seeing you in the matching jewelry - at least until he wore you down. You did have a point, though - the necklace was almost twice as much as the bracelet. But then again, you bought Bradley little (and not so little) things all the time?
Idly, he recalled the jibe he had ignored from Hangman the other day regarding his leave: not all of us have rich girlfriends to take us on two week vacations. Bradley’s reply that it was only for ten days, not two weeks hadn’t exactly done him any favors. 
But it was a points game! It was practically free. (He knew it wasn’t, but…) And you were going dutch for all the incidentals and room charges. It was going to be perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. 
Ten glorious days of no work, no distractions, just the two of you. 
You turned around in your chair so you were properly facing him. “Do you want to get lunch out? Make an afternoon of it? We don’t really have much in the fridge, so it’s either lunch or dinner out and I know you still have to pack.”
A smile crept across his face and he kissed your nose. “I’d love to go to lunch with you. You sure you won’t get sick of me? All this one on one time?”
You just shook your head. “Nope, not that easily. Well, unless you sit next to me at the salon, I’m not very chatty while I’m getting a pedicure.”
“Woah, woah.” Bradley held his hands up and you grabbed one to examine it. “Since when am I getting my nails done?”
“You’re getting a pedicure at the very least. I don’t want to have to look at your weird feet on the beach all week.” 
“Oh-ho, now you’ve done it.” 
He bundled you up in his arms and started tickling your sides. That was your sweet spot. And hopefully if he was tickling you, you’d forget to be jumpy when he touched you there. He hadn’t forgotten about that.
“Bradley! Bradley,” you giggled. “Okay, okay, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. No pedicure.”
But Bradley did end up getting a pedicure, even if it only entailed getting his feet buffed. If pressed, he would say it was because he wanted to sit in the massage chair and the nail tech told him he could only sit in the chair if he was getting his nails done. That was the only reason why. It wasn’t because of how pretty you looked while you were smiling at him out of the corner of his eye, like you couldn’t believe he was really there.  
Absolutely not.
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“Do you need any help packing?” 
Bradley nodded, he hoped he didn’t look too sheepish. At thirty-six years old, he absolutely could pack his own clothes, but he liked when you fussed over him and made sure your clothing was complementary to each other. It was sweet. Plus, you always packed stuff he hadn’t thought to bring or wear together.
The two of you were a well oiled machine. Bradley would roll his underwear, pajamas, and gym clothes into his packing cubes while you helped pick out his bathing suits and later his dinner and day clothes. To his great surprise, you managed to fit all his clothes - for ten days, mind you - into his Samsonite carryon. His toiletries and extra pair of shoes and other incidentals would go in his backpack.
Once his suitcase was zipped up and ready to go, Bradley nodded towards your Rimowa stashed by the bedroom door. “‘You need any help? You don’t normally check?”
You normally lived by the carry-on rule, so it seemed out of character for you to check a full-size bag. Which, of course, wasn’t the first thing that seemed out of character for you since Bradley had gotten home. But he promised himself he’d wait until you came to him with your problem. Or till Friday.
“Oh, uhh, yeah, I guess I just have more stuff this time.” You shook your head. “I packed earlier while you were taking a nap, but thanks.”
He clicked his tongue. “Guess it’ll be a surprise then.”
“Hmmm, I’ll let you see my shoes?”
Bradley sat on the edge of the bed and leaned back on his elbows. “You’d do that? For me?”
You giggled and then mimicked his pose on the bed, except you made sure to snuggle up next to him, all earlier awkwardness gone. “I’d do anything for you actually.”
“Sap.” He kissed you. 
“Nerd.” You kissed him. 
“See, now you’re killing the vibe,” he teased. You giggled and kissed his shoulder through his t-shirt. “You ready for tomorrow?” You nodded. “You’re not gonna get sick of me, right?”
You shook your head. “Never, even if you are a nerd who gets pedicures -”
“- I was coerced! The massage chair!” You giggled. “Alright, alright, walk me through tomorrow.”
At this point, Bradley was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, while you were tucked under his arm, peering up at him. 
“We should leave by six if our flight’s at eight forty-five, especially if we want to go to the lounge beforehand. It’s spring break-ish and I’m not sure if it’ll be crazy in the terminal, so the lounge might be a good idea.”
“Got it, United lounge for breakfast, good.” 
“Flight’s like three hours.”
“Mmmmm, perfect for a nap.”
You chuckled. “I think we get in around one o’clock with the time difference and everything. The hotel’s sending a car and then it’s like an hour drive to Punta Mita.”
“So, if we play our cards right, we could be on the beach by three-o-one?”
“Oh, for sure,” you feigned seriousness, “If anyone can, it’s the two of us.”
And ain’t that the truth? Bradley held his hand up for a high five, which you heartily returned. “Nice job, kid. It’s gonna be great.”
Ten days. You and Bradley at some tony resort in Mexico. No cares, no worries for ten whole days. Fucking perfect. 
Everything was going to be perfect.
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If at all possible, in the three months that he had been gone, Bradley had gotten even more handsome. 
Sure, you’d seen a grainy image of him every two or so weeks over Facetime and had noticed him mentioning going to the gym a lot on the carrier. You’d known he was going to look different. His hair was going to be longer and blonder and his skin darker. He was still your Bradley and you loved him all the same. 
But seeing him on the 16 inch screen of your Macbook compared to all six foot one inches of Bradley Bradshaw in person was an eye opener. 
Because you hadn’t been prepared for how it made you feel in comparison. Because he was so strong and fit and beautiful - and you didn’t think you were any of those things. Not anymore at least. Not after what happened.
Not after how often you’d been skipping pilates to spend some extra time in the office or all the meals you’d eaten on the go or out with clients. You should have taken your mother’s words to heart at lunch two weeks ago when she had told you to watch your figure, boys like Bradley are used to certain standards. 
That afternoon when you’d gotten back to your apartment, you’d gone straight to your walk-in closet and scrutinized every inch of your body in the full length mirror. 
Certain standards.
Why did you let her get in your head? Why did you let any of it get in your head? It wasn’t true, it wasn’t true. None of it was true. 
Certain standards. 
And then, when you finally picked Bradley up on that cloudy, late March day, you wore an oxford of his and a pair of baggy jeans. You still looked cute, you still looked like you put in an effort, but you didn’t look as dolled up as some of the other wives and girlfriends and partners and maybe you should have? Maybe you should have worn a cute little sundress and forgotten your underwear or some other ridiculous thing? Let him fuck you in the back of the car right in the middle of the parking lot? 
That wasn’t you, though. That wasn’t either of you.
But Bradley loved you. He had told you in about 159 different ways (re. emails) while he was gone. He loved you, he wanted you, he was going to live with you, build a life with you. You knew he loved you no matter what you looked like. 
Certain standards.
But when he fucked you softly and slowly that first morning back - only after originally falling asleep on you, which you tried not to be too upset about - and you told him how much you loved him and missed him, you did so with the lights completely off and with your chemise on before snuggling in his arms. 
It was stupid. The entire thing was stupid. You knew that. And you knew you’d feel this way until you confronted Bradley and he ultimately proved you wrong. But doing that wouldn’t fully stop those feelings from brewing inside you either. 
And yeah, for the first few days you’d been too caught up in the ecstasy of him finally being home - in the home that you two finally shared - to really give it much thought. But tomorrow you were going on a ten day long beach vacation to Mexico and you couldn’t help but toss and turn all night wondering if you were up to certain standards. 
-----------
a/n: oops! this was super long, sorry! but there's such an interesting story here and i'm so excited to show how it'll unfold in the next chapter when they're in mexico!
tagging a couple people: @sometimesanalice @withahappyrefrain @cherrycola27 @notroosterbradshaw @gigisimsonmars @pisupsala @dissonannce @laracrofted @heartsofminds @briseisgone
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thingthatoncewastruee · 1 year ago
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the fucking feeling when the 'ive had a shitty two days, almost the entirety of the gallery in my phone (5years worth of screenshots and photos) has disappeared and i have to add them back BY HAND FROM GOOGLE PHOTOS, im reading choices and it fucking hurts and then my mom comes to my room, blames me for not waking her up when she didn't even ask me but my sister and then tells me to wash the literal tower of dishes when my sister was gone for 5 days and I've been washing them the whole time and I told her that maybe she should fucking wash the dishes bc of that and she tells me that no and that I have to do that which just turns out to be my last straw' cry turns into the 'why am i unloveable' cry. also I have two tests tomorrow and i want to d!e!!!
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baekhvuns · 1 year ago
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YOU'RE RIGHT!! I TAKE ONE LEAVE AND THE EARTH MEETS THE SKY 😭
No ok let me explain, this is so embarassing, I have a small shelf where I keep my phone, and unfortunately it's near the bathtub, like it's on the wall where the bathtub is and I'm usually very careful and I usually decide on all my songs beforehand and keep it there BUT THT DAY IDK MAYBE IT WAS CUZ I WAS SICK? BUT I SAT IN THE BATHTUB WHILE SEARCHING THE SONG AND IT SLIPPED FRM MY HANDS (I like dangerous things ig?)
Yes, I found the song. "My everything" played as i held the half alive body of my phone in my hand but it survived. Credits to the song man! But my mom scolded me so much 😭 and everyone teamed up on me, talk about being the youngest! But my dad and i ate mid night snacks as i rambled on abt how it wasn't my fault (it was) 😁
OMG YES ANONS COME BACK WERE LONELY it's actually so cute how we've created a small family like saur happy!!! 🙌
And I just read secretary's escape. 26 episodes, done in one day. do i want you to write hwa like seungjo? Yes. Will I enjoy if he was written like tht? Yes, yes I will. I'll enjoy...every. bit. of. it.
Bcz I'm smitten, I'm in too deep, I'm gone, I'm not even here baby, I'm a hallucination. Such an impact....who's making this a drama? Oh and I had a whole reaction on it, like I wrote every little thing I felt and I will share it, mind you. So you better be prepared!!
I literally have it saved as "webtoon annotation" 😭😭
U were right, I've come back to my my roots. WAIT THT ONE SONG THT GOES "BABY IM YOURS, BABY IM YOURS" :0 NO WONDER! I LOVE EVERY E2L U WRITE! U told me abt ur formula 😭 I caught on it, how first we meet hwa, then we fight, loads of it but nothing serious just bickering, and among all tht we don't even realise we fall in love, then either yn or hwa fucks up, and we kinda go back to stage 2 but this time...very serious. And then someone b/w us has to apologize and we finally let the other person in (Bcz of Kai ofc, tht man never comes to play).
The whole transition to fall from summer rlly makes my throat act up fr fr. Wait u had a sore throat too? It's like tht for everyone, I was just sitting studying on my desk then i felt something stingy in my throat and i thought maybe it was cuz I was quite for too long...but then i realised it hurt to swallow and i, in fact had caught a cold 😔 so sad. I hope u take care of yourselves too.
I better sleep, it's like 1, here or mum will scold me again saying how I don't rest when I hv to. HOW DO I EXPLAIN IT TO HER THT MANHWA'S ARE IMP 😭. anyways I'll manage gn ❤️❤️
LMFAOOOO THIS IS SO FUNNY WHGRBKWHD
this all i have to say to the bathtub story
LMFAOOOO UR RIGHT WHY DOES EVERYONE GANG UP ON THE YOUNGEST STOP THATS SO CUTE 😭😭😭 PEAK MEMORY MOMENT im imaging you two, it’s late night, it’s dark and the only thing that’s lit up is both y’all’s body by the fridge’s light and you guys are just snacking up while you explain to your dad and he pretends to listen 😭😭
RIGHT PLS ANONS COME BACK LEMME SEE UR FACES right!! it’s like a small little town in baekhvunsland i hope y’all rmr u have to pay ur rent and that is by coming into my inbox 🔫 some of u are mad over due 🔫
OMFBBFKWJDKW U READ IT FBNWNFKD CRYING SCREAMING no bc. listen to me. i have a hwa ceo fic ok. he’s a very intimidating boss in it. and it kinda fits him and seungjo’s character
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crying this is from last year 😭😭
that is my exact reaction. u get me. im all ears anytime babes
YES THAT EXACT SONG FJQNDKW ITS SO I SAW A VIDEO ON IT SAYING “imagine this plays as the enemies pin each other” and my mind said mr and mrs park. LMFAOOOO NOT U EXPOSING LIKE THIS FJWKDJWK KAI WILL FORVER BE MENTIONED IN MY FICS I AINT LETTING THAT FUCKER LEAVE he’s the therapist for readers and the yn ngl he’s coming over and he’s rover
right!! there’s a weird thing in the air these days, yes i did!!! i have a runny nose atm, rainy seasons and thunderstorms are arriving in my city 😭😭 IT HURT TO SWALLO GIRL WHEJ U ACCIDENTALLY WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SWALLOW AND YOURE DYING BC IT SCRATCHES i also swallowed in my sleep and i felt the pain in my dream ,,, im much better now thank u!!! pls take care of yourself and your god damn phone plis
LMFAOOOO it’s one over here for me fbwmbfsm readings webtoons ☺️☺️☺️
omg you’ve read the remarried empress right? navier’s brother is so 🫠 HOW. HOW.
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tellthatbrokebitch · 2 years ago
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can i be real a second, for just a millisecond, let down my guard and tell the people how i feel a second
i'm gonna do a personal ramble under a cut bc i just need to
so i'm going to a pt facility tomorrow. for anyone reading this who doesn't know, a year ago i injured my foot and due to a series of mistakes, miscalculations, and just generally unfortunate events, i haven't been able to walk since, and haven't been able to see a doctor to examine the problem, so i don't even exactly know what the problem IS. only in the last five or so months have i been able to talk with a doctor via video call, and eventually it's all culminated in finally being able to seek help for my issue
it's been a really rough fucking year, and i've tried to stay positive but it's difficult. i've also been trying not to talk too much about it, or vent too often on here, bc that's not why people follow me and i don't like putting that negativity out there. it's why i mostly talk about my writing, or my silly text posts posts, and the only time i really speak about my mental health is when it's really bad
this is a good thing. it's a great thing, bc even if i go into this facility and for some reason or other i can't walk again, at least i'll know, you know? it's been an entire year of not knowing, and being cooped up in my room, and not even being able to see half of my family, even though we live in the same fucking house. either way, tomorrow i get to see and hug my mom for the first time in a year, so at least i have that to look forward to
but i'm also really scared that the original injury i sustained never actually healed, and that this entire year has been for naught, or that i fucked something up because i'm a fucking idiot, or any number of things that have gone wrong or might go wrong in the future. i'm scared that i'm never gonna walk again, and i'm going to be a burden on my family indefinitely, and that i screwed everything up. i'm worried about my financials, bc i spent two years building my credit up and diligently making my payments, only for the last year to completely fuck it all up bc i'm not making any money and fuck the us credit system anyway, bc i was perfectly content before but you have to have a decent credit score to do anything in this fucking country, so now i'm like 2k in debt with no way to pay it off bc i had to use them to buy fucking food so i don't fucking starve
i'm getting heated lol anyway i'm also just really stressed bc i haven't left my room in roughly a year except to go across the hall to the bathroom, and now tomorrow i get to humiliate myself in front of strangers, and i have to leave my family and my dog and my cat and go to a strange place and sleep in a strange bed and i'm bringing my notebooks so i can write and my phone so i can post but it's not the same and my anxiety is already through the roof and i just know i'm going to spend so much time fucking crying bc i'm doing it right now just typing all of this
idk i'm just... idk don't read all of this okay i'm a fucking mess. i just needed to vent
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reminderofapast · 2 years ago
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He and his family showed up at my work today, the One day I had to go and be on the floor, at first it was amusement seeing a cousin, which turned to nervousness seeing an Aunt and Uncle, turning to dread seeing Step mom, and shear fucking Panic seeing him. I literally couldn't breathe, I haven't felt heart stopping fear in years, and yet this fucker doesn't even have to do anything and I'm crumbling apart. I couldn't even bring myself to run to a backroom, I was fucking paralyzed. I caught both Step mom's and his eye briefly, and that's when I left. Flight finally kicked in and I ended up in a back hallway by the freight elevator curled into a corner for I couldn't even tell you how long, at least a half hour, cycling through panic attacks, dissociation, and denial. I got a notification and thought one of them was texting me, so I couldn't even use my phone to text for/find help bc I couldn't bring myself to see what they might say. (It was a school thing, but she did text me later today. I know I'll never respond).
It's not fucking fair he still has so much power over me. It's not FUCKING FAIR
I'M GONE NOW HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY LIFE I LEFT HE'S SUPPOSED TO STAY AWAY
I JUST STARTED FEELING SAFE IN MY LIFE AND KNOW I'M BACK TO SQUARE FUCKING ONE, LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AND UNABLE TO LEAVE WORK WITHOUT SOMEONE NEXT TO ME, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO TAKE MY LIFE AGAIN, IT'S MINE NOW.
Worst part is I've gotten so good at suppressing this shit that I can't even fully cry it out, I'm already automatically shoving it down. I'm trying to trigger myself enough for the catharsis, but it probably won't help.
Square one tastes bitter.
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katebihshop · 7 years ago
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not to be Overdramatic but do you think if i got hit by a car i’d be able to get an extension on this assignment? asking for a friend
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winchesterwitch07 · 3 years ago
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i have a physics exam tomorrow
the first physics exam of the year
I've been feeling sucky recently (i was sick and there was the usual family drama) and i fell into my old pattern of planning rigorously, getting overwhelmed, wasting my time, and hating myself for it
I'm trying really hard to stop letting bad things completely mess me up bc no matter how justified i might be in crying and feeling absolutely fucking terrible, i can't let it stop me from doing what i need to do, because i can't just wait till I get better or take time for self care because I'd have to be doing that constantly because literally every time i step out of my room the life is drained out of me and i go back on the verge of tears. Not to mention the fact that I've been stifling all of this and I'm constantly dehydrated. I'm snapping way faster bc all of my family's shit is just getting to me rn like it's never ending. I can't grab a bun without my mom yelling at me because she wants to know everything i eat and when so she can control me like I'm her prisoner. I'm tired of doing literally anything and having my brother call me useless. I'm so fucking tired of people acting like they care and being nice and fun but the second I'm not exactly what they want they tear me to pieces and they have been doing this for years but now it feels like my walls are crumbling...like okay it's like all this while I've been building a wall and they've been hacking at it from the other side, exhausting but balanced. Now it's like they got a bulldozer somehow and are sitting on the other side laughing and drinking and having fun and im frantically trying to protect myself but i keep getting bruises and having to hush hush and get back to work or I'd die and-
You get it
I need to stop letting them get to me
I don't know how
For now my strategy is to listen to the appropriate playlist and pretend like I'm in a movie bc in movies when you're almost dead you get an epic montage and/or fight scene so
*sigh*
Here's what imma do:
I'm gonna get some water. In a fancy mug so I'll drink it.
I'm gonna get some back up water so i don't have to leave.
I'm gonna get an apple so i don't have to leave my room when i get hungry in an hour
I'm gonna turn the ac on bc cold somehow means study!
I'm gonna get those cookies out of my room and clear my desk bc studying on my bed with the little tiny desk isn't helping cause i jsut push it away with my earth hands and the tables gone and I'm just in bed with a phone so
Clear top of my desk so i can sit there
Instruct family members to stay out (we'll see how thst goes, the ge...how do you spell that... hot water thing..is in my room)
And there's quite a few non exam things i need to do since I've missed a week of school being sick and that's very overwhelming but I've declared it all not my priority rn
I'm gonna do physics, make sure i can do well tomorrow
And hopefully
HOPEFULLY, I'll be able to do my english notes bc i was supposed to submit them like so long ago but i was sick but i like my english teacher and i don't want her to be mad you know
Okay folks
That's the plan
send me good vibes and some..some nice ice water...or strawberries
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leyyvi · 3 years ago
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Ley! Ley! I’m just so sgisiskandlsjekksnddm. The whole time I was reading the chapter I was smooshing my face against my phone! I kept going from holding back tears to trying not to giggle like a school girl! It was an emotional overload! This chapter killed me. I couldn’t handle how touching it was.
Levi opening up just a little more and kissing your hand! I just died at all the hand attention in this chap. Also 🥺 holding you while you ugly cry. And that meltdown the reader had hit so close to home, I felt so exposed reading that! and then Levi just encouraging reader to be happy. Like your cracking my fucking heart open like an egg. It’s just making a gooey mess here. 
How scared Levi was. Like how he keeps reminding himself that he has to TRY. He has to open up because what’s even worse then being rejected is losing whatever it is that you let him have bdkkshdkshejemksjensn
But I love how reader had no idea what the tattoo meant! Like low key if that was me id be like ??? I wasn’t teasing your tits this whole time cause what? of a tattoo? Sounds like wasted time to me. (I’m sorry I have to use humor to deflect how much this made me feel.) Also just getting to wash with Levi and molding yourself to him and him feeling skin on a place he hasn’t allowed almost like a form of punishment! But reader is so tender with him!
Laying with him in bed and just talking was so therapeutic. Like this whole chapter was! It was like taking the biggest breath of fresh air. Also my money is his first love being Furlan. But I just love how open he was in this chapter and just while being open with the reader is easier than other people it’s still a choice. One he’s not taking lightly. I’m just laying on the floor trying to keep it together while he opens up more and more. Also how reader checks if what he’s doing is normal for these arrangements and it’s not but they can’t let themselves hope or assume!
But then the domestic day! Ley! Ley! I’m turning to mush with all this fluff. I can’t tell you how many times I re-read breakfast with Levi. Making sure he doesn’t fall off the ladder like it’s nothing but it’s something. Its everything! It’s showing the reader cares! Without even thinking she’s takes care of him! And he’s not had that since his mom! Where someone cares about him and doesn’t make him feel like it’s a chore- HES A CHORE. or even something that can be compromised. It just is!
The nail! I’m just 🥺. THE NAIL MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE FIANL NAIL IN MY COFFIN. Babygirl him. He deserves it. He needs to be loved and wanted and treated so tenderly. Specking of tenderly the soft touches from playing with his sleeve to the creasing the hip. It’s so SO MUCH. It’s got so much MUCH-NESS! Like the way this chapter made my heart explode and even thinking back on it my chest is filling and I’m smiling. But you sent me to Nirvana when he asked the reader to stay! 😍
CHRIS!!!!!!!! I've grown obsessed with writing about hands and perhaps I've gone a bit overboard at times but AHDFJ
He appreciates her so much :( can't even handle losing the hold on her hand for a second. Can't even deal with the fact that she might be mad at him :(((( He is baby. Precious baby boy :(
YOUR BIT ABOUT THE TATTOO HAHA. I totally get you omg dfhjskdjfh WASTED TIME LMAO pleaaaseee. dfkjhsdf Idly chatting in bed is just gfjkddfhjgnj the cuddling..low voices and whispers :(( it makes me melt. It makes me so soft help. INTERESTINGGGG theory with Farlan hehe so I'm hearing a few for Erwin and then a couple for Farlan...very interesting...
FDGHDFJKGH I wanted to cry over the ladder part just bc.. :(( the first time reader was on the ladder and Levi helped her and now :(( SHE'S doing it for him AGH <333 THE CHORE OH MY GOD I'm on the verge of tears rn Chris, it's like you KNOW what I'm going for so well istg you're in my brain!!! ;;;;;;;;
THE NAILLLLLLLLLL IS MY FAAAVEEEEEEEEEEE <3 Just seeing a glimpse of a tiny lil shiny gem on his pinky when he's pulling out his phone or something SOBBINGGG. (I was dying to keep writing past the last line but I will save more for the upcoming chapters dhfjsjkghfkjg)
CHRIS. THANK YOU SO much for such thoughtful inputs and comments as always. THey always mean so much to me. I truly smiled so so much while reading it. Ilu ;; <33333 thank you for reading <3333
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sckyie · 4 years ago
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song: driver’s license by olivia rodrigo
word count: 2.5k
genre + warnings: angst; swearing, fear of driving, reminiscing in old memories
pronouns used: she/her
a/n: this was orignially supposed to just be an imagine inspired by the song, not apart of the song series but it fits too well to not change oikawa’s song. i also wrote this for @kybabi​​ bc i love her :D n e wayz enjoy :) (part 2)
"So here you're going to turn and he'll make you do a parallel park in the street. You remember how to do that right?" Oikawa asked as he guided you to the next turn. As you turn the steering wheel, you spot a crowded curbside.
"No, can you please please park for me? I hate parallel parking," You pleaded.
"Only because you asked so nicely," He teased.
Ever since you told your best friend that you wanted to learn how to drive, Oikawa never let it go whenever you wanted to hang out. Having you drive him around for practice and giving you tips as you went. He's helped you a ton while you drove around, the only issues you had were parallel parking and merging onto the highway.
"Maybe we should try the highway again," Oikawa said after you two switched seats.
"Are you asking for a death wish?" You joked. "I drive too slow and I'm scare to merge into lanes."
"We can practice on smaller freeways if you want," He asks.
"No," You growled.
It was always a terrifying thing to drive on the highway. You always saw those horrid accidents and feared being in one. Oikawa would always put his hand on your thigh as you merged to calm you down. Just having him be there was enough to get you to get onto the highway. All your fears just faded with him beside you.
Just having this intimate driving lesson with him was enough for you. You grew to fall in love in your best friend. A cliché thing, yet you couldn't say anything. Only you and your girl friends knew about your big crush. It was a funny thing, falling for your childhood best friend. Iwaizumi always joked about you doing so but you never admitted to liking Oikawa. What would that do to your friendship?
Today was the day, it was your test day. The scariest thing you anticipated was finally here. The thing you practiced days on end with Oikawa. The thing that could either make or break you. Today, you'd either come out with your license or you'll be walking home.
The nerves crept up your body like spiders leaving a trail of anxiety webs. You bounced you leg as you waited in the lobby looking out for your driving instructor. As your sweaty palms go to check the time, you notice a text message from Oikawa.
butthead: hey! good luck on your test today!
That's what cooled you down. A simple saying of good fortune will help, right? Sure enough, the test was a breeze, minus the parallel parking as it was the one mistake you got. You happily drove home to tell the news to your parents.
"Have you told Tooru yet?" Your mom asked.
"I'll wait until my actual driver license to prove to him I got it," You smiled.
"You like him don't you?" Your mom gestured to the joy on your face. "I can tell."
"No," You looked away from your mom as she raised her eyebrow. "Okay, maybe but you can't say anything. I'm going to my room now." She chuckled as you dragged you feet to your room.
Two weeks passes and you finally received your license in the mail. You smiled happily down at your new card as you walked outside the school building. You looked up to search for your best friend. Your eyes scanned the courtyard before landing on Iwaizumi. Assuming Oikawa was nearby, you headed towards him.
"Hey Iwa, where's Oiks?" You asked. Iwaizumi raised up his hand and pointed across to the gate. You looked over to find Oikawa talking to Kasumi, a classmate of yours.
"He's asking her to go on a date with him again," Iwaizumi says.
Again? He's done it before?
"Are they dating?" You ask.
"Not yet, Oikawa wants to ask her to be his girlfriend on the date," Iwa explains. "What's that?" He points to your hands as you fiddled with the corner of your driver's license.
"Oh," You said solemnly. "I got my license."
You waved goodbye to your childhood friend before going into he parking lot. Without thinking, you started the car and just began to drive. Out of the school and onto who knows where. Your mind grew blank as you drove.
How could he not mention Kasumi to you? He used to tell you everything but lately he'd been so distant. Maybe that's why he hasn't texted you all week, you thought. Who could blame him for liking Kasumi? She's so pretty and not to mention how smart she is. She's the class representative and she's one of the nicest girls around.
You fell for the one man you shouldn't have. It was too late to even confess how you felt. He was already falling for another while you were left behind. You felt a sharp pain in your chest as you drove by familiar buildings.
The laundromat where you and Oikawa would go to help with the laundry. You both would end up messing around and your parents would have to kick you two out. You and Oikawa would go across the street to the convenience store to buy steamed buns.
He doesn't like you.
The library where you would wait for Oikawa to finish practice so you two could study together. He'd bring you a bottle of tea and some sort of snack to keep you from burning out. Those study dates where you'd stay until the library was closed.
Give up, stop thinking of him.
The ramen restaurant where Oikawa would take you if he won a game. It was a great celebration and you two had made so many memories there. You two had gone there so often, he convinced the owner that you were his girlfriend.
Let him go.
All the feelings you had for him began to ache in your heart as you reminisced in the memories. You gripped tighter on the wheel as you saw an highway exit. "Fuck," You whispered as you merged into the fast lane. Suddenly all those fears you had of driving, just disappeared. You felt this peace as your eyes locked on the long highway. It was like, nothing hurt anymore. Your tensed shoulders relaxed, yet you felt tears roll down your cheeks. You took deep breaths as you drove attempting to stop your tears.
Soon enough, driving on the highway had shifted from a phobia to an escape. Everyday after school, rather than meeting up with Oikawa and Iwaizumi before practice, you'd drive on the highway and on backroads. It was the only thing that kept you sane when you see Kasumi with Oikawa together.
You became accustomed to the fast pace of the highways. Occasionally you'd speed if you felt some type of pain grow in your chest. You'd blast music to drown out any thoughts or feelings you had. You knew Oikawa could never be yours, so why bother crying over him, right? The thought of being around him began to make you uncomfortable. If you kept your distance, you wouldn't get hurt. You wouldn't be considered a distraction.
butthead: hey?
you: what's up?
butthead: it's been a while since i've seen you :( i miss my best friend
you: are you sure you mean to text me or iwa?
butthead: you, y/n i miss hanging with you
butthead: you didn't come to the restaurant after our game
you: i was busy, sorry
butthead: :(
you: i gotta go, ill talk to you later
Oikawa sighed at his phone and looked across the table to Iwaizumi. "Have you talked to Y/n lately?" He asked.
"Yeah, she borrowed gas money from me," Iwa says before slurping his noodles.
"Gas money? She got her license?" Oikawa tilts his head. "How long has it been?"
"A month? You got caught up with Kasumi," Iwaizumi says.
"Hmph," Oikawa huffed as he sipped his drink. He'd been spending so much time with Kasumi that he forgot about you. Or was it, you started to forget about him? He glances at the window behind Iwa and noticed a familiar car parking.
You parked your car across the street of the restaurant next to a convenience store. You quickly got out and went into the store looking for something to drink. As you began to scan the fridge, you heard the door open. "Y/n?" You turned to find Oikawa.
"What are you doing here?" You turned back to grab a soda.
"Iwa came to eat with me since you didn't make it," Oikawa says. "He's still there, did you want to join us?"
"No thanks, I'm kinda busy at the moment," You say dully. Oikawa goes to speak but you had already walked to go pay for your drink. "Later Oikawa."
"Oikawa?" He watched as you left the store and into your car. He follows suit and watched you speed off. Oikawa quickly makes his way back to the restaurant and seats himself disgruntled. "Y/n called me Oikawa..."
"That's your name isn't it?" Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow.
"She always calls me Oiks or Ru, never Oikawa," He says. "Did I do something wrong?"
Iwaizumi shrugged even though he knew the answer well enough. After Oikawa had asked Kasumi to be his girlfriend, your demeanor had changed. Iwa was the first to notice too. Typically, after school you'd see the duo before practice started, yet since you learnt Oikawa had eyes for another, you stopped.
One day, Iwaizumi decided to follow after you when school was over. He trailed behind as you walked to your car door. You pulled open the door handle only for Iwa to shut the door immediately after. You turned to find Iwaizumi with scrunched eyebrows. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "Why haven't you came by before practice?"
"No reason, I'm just busy," You lied.
"Liar, what's wrong?" He asks yet you remained silent. "I won't tell Shittykawa just tell me why you're being so distant...and also why your eyes are always puffy."
You paused before answering, "I'm just...upset with Oikawa...and Kasumi.."
"Do you..?" Iwaizumi implied. You nod and looked at the ground. "What have you been doing since you found out about them?"
"Driving," You sighed. "Just driving...It's keep me off my mind all week. I bear the fact that he looks so happy with her and not...me. God I'm so stupid."
"Don't say that-" Iwa started but you immediately lashed out.
"It's true! I was too late to confess! And I fell for the one boy I can't have!" You felt tears well up in your eyes. "I can't even drive by certain places without getting upset. I take backroads and I avoid them completely. I hate driving by his house but it's the only way to my own. He just treats me like another fucking fan girl! I'm just so stupid for falling for my best friend." Since that day, Iwaizumi kept to his promise. Not word about your feelings were said to Oikawa.
butthead: hey are you busy right now ?
you: no, what's up?
butthead: can you help me with something?
you: depends
butthead: meet me at the library so i can tell you more :)
You locked you phone and tossed it into your passenger's seat. You looked up to see the light change to green, allowing you to speed into the highway. Your hands rested at the bottom of the wheel as you drove. The slow, lo-fi music surrounded your car as you drove which let you get out of your trapped mind.
It was a crazy thought to think that you and Oikawa were so excited to drive together. Yet now all you want to do is drive alone. You turned up the volume of your music as you merged into your neighborhood. You leaned further back into your seat as you were driving around the suburbs. You glance at the white cars lining one street leading to the library. You scoffed at the sight as a repressed memory resurfaced.
"Why do you like white cars so much?" You chuckled.
"Because they look clean and nice? Sorry I don't like your basic silver car," Oikawa raised his hand to block your face.
"I'm basic? Says the one who wants an automatic," You pretend to throw up to mock him.
"For someone who can't drive yet, you talk big," Oikawa pats your head only to be smacked a few seconds late. Oikawa drapes his arm over you as you walked down the street to the library The entire walk was filled with mocking and talking about the future. "Let me teach you how to drive, that way we could go out together more."
You finally arrived at the library, spotting Oikawa before parking the car. He watches as you easily parallel park and is stunned by how casual you are as you drove. You set out and approach him. Oikawa holds out a snack to you but you politely refuse.
"Let's go inside?" He asks. You shrugged and followed him in. Rather than sitting beside him like usual, you sat across from him. You still had those feelings for him but you couldn't stand sitting next to him. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you anticipated his next words. "I was wondering if you could help me with Kasumi?"
Ouch.
"With what?" You ask.
"I want to give her a gift, right?" He starts. "A gift that goes along with me telling her I love her."
He loves her?
Your heart aches but you decide to move past that. "Isn't it a bit early to say I love you?"
"Well, we were long time friends before we started dating and I feel like it's the right time to, y'know?" Oikawa leans forward on the table. "Can you help me find a gift?"
This feels familiar. Helping him find a gift for a girl that isn't you. It seems like anytime he does have a crush he'd come to you for advice. This is the first time that you didn't want to give into his favors.
"No," You sighed.
"No? Wait why not?" He raised his eyebrows at you.
"Because," Say it. "Because I-"
"Because?" Oikawa tilts his head at your response.
"Because I can't keep doing things like this for you," You stood up and began heading for the entrance. Oikawa followed afterwards as he could see the pain in your voice.
"Y/n, talk to me, we haven't talked in forever. Tell me what's wrong," He says as you exit the library. You ignore his voice and reached for your car door. He grabs your arm but you shove him off.
"Would you just- leave me alone?" You snapped. "I don't want to help you, okay?"
"What did I do?" Oikawa was beyond confused at your response.
"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" Your voice cracked as the suppressed feelings began to rise again.
"Why not!" Oikawa grabbed your arm again, this time you weren't able to break free.
"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You yelled. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks as you stopped struggling in his hold. Oikawa paused and stared at you in wonder.
"You...loved me?" He asked.
"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You pulled off him. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again." You wiped your tears as you entered your car. Driving off into the neighborhood, crying at the red lights knowing you could've ruined your whole friendship.
Oikawa watched as you sped off. Those words lingered in his ear as he stared down at his hand where you let go. His mind was lost in thought, how could his best friend love him? Was he that blind that he couldn't see your admiration? "She...loves me?" He thought.
taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme​ @d0llpie​ @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs
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alwayscryingoverdannyb · 4 years ago
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hi
I'm Mary and I am exhausted.
this morning I got a call from my mom that my uncle died. him and our aunt were like second parents to us when we were kids.. I had no idea he was even sick and now he's gone and it's just so hard to believe it's forever..
when I picked up the phone and mom said it's "very important", I thought it was about dad. but this blindsided me completely. and when I heard what happened, I was just 'oh no that's WORSE'
I couldn't decide whether to go home or stay at work but my colleagues were amazing help and working kept my mind occupied with something, so I stayed.
it's thursday evening and this week has already felt like 8 days.. I've already clocked in 5 days' worth of hrs at my job, with another 10hrs on top of that doing my side hustle. and everybody keeps telling me to slow down but at least it fills up the pandemic-induced void that's been growing bigger and bigger. I guess it gives me some sense of agency in a time when I feel like I have no control over anything else in my life.
I've been crying on and off all day so I'm nursing an absolute bitch of a headache. my only solace is that he was in a medically induced coma and basically never woke up so he wasn't conscious and didn't know he was alone -.- also my aunt has two sons and 6 amazing grandchildren who are keeping her company and helping her through everything.
I have the next week off bc I just needed a break and I'm trying to think of things to do so that I don't go crazy. I'll be planting herbs and I'll try to go for long walks but we'll see how it goes -.-
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babybakuu · 5 years ago
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ok here goes the bakugo angst i've been thinking ab for weeks: you and your husband bakugo (both pro heroes) are celebrating your 5th anniv tonight but work called bc of an emergency so the both of u had to go to stop the villain,,, unfortunately for you, the villain's katana pierced through your stomach and you're bleeding a lot,, while bakugo is rushing you to the hospital you tell him "our baby... our baby is gone. i was supposed to tell you this tonight at dinner but i guess it's too late"
YO WHY YOU GOTTA HURT ME LIKE THIS (if u write it mfing tag me in it),, but lemme add on real quick: 
you and katsuki have been trying to have kids for y e a r s. five years to be exact but one day when you’re sitting in the bathroom for the 5 millionth time taking a yet again, another pregnancy test that you knew was going to be negative. you just sigh. it’s become a habit- a ritual to say the least, something that you did every single morning and night but when two lines pop up instead of your usual one- you’re in disbelief. it couldn’t be right? the test had to be faulty..right?
so you try another one and it comes out positive.
and another one. 
and another one. 
and another one. 
you even run down the street in your pajamas in the middle of the day, not caring what the hell you look like, and proceed to buy every single test in that store. so you go home, use every single test as precisely and accurately as you can, and when they all come up positive your body slumps on to the floor while your hands tremble. you’re in shock- no, in awe? you can’t explain it but that overwhelming feeling of “holy shit i’m finally going to be a mom” hits you, you break down. you two had been trying for so hard- for so long, and it was finally happening? and what greater way to break the news then telling him on your five year anniversary dinner! he’d be thrilled- would he cry? maybe.
so you’re both sitting at the table, you’re dressed up- not even wearing heels because what if you tripped and fell and lost the baby? you couldn’t have that happening so you play it safe. you order your appetizers, your entrees, and you’re about to tell him. he can see the excitement in your eyes and you’re clutching that small box in your hands so tightly he’s wondering what has you so worked up. what has his wife basically beaming and so happy you can’t sit still? 
but before you could even open your mouth, he gets a call from his emergency phone and puts you on hold. in a blink of an eye he’s grabbing your coat and tossing some money on the table before he ushers you out. 
“wait katsuki-” 
“we can’t wait (y/n)! people are dying!” 
so you bite your tongue and toss that box in your bag.
you’ll be okay..right? 
everything is finally over and the smoke clears from the sky- everything is okay, you’re okay, hes okay, and the baby? you were pretty sure, it was okay. you both saved the city, you didn’t overexert yourself too much, and you’re walking back to your husband ready to tell him the news but a kantana goes straight through your stomach and you instantly black out. 
your eyes flutter open and you were in the hospital? were you on a stretcher? why were the lights so bright? why were they flashing? 
“(Y/N)!” you can hear your husband yell. he’s by your side clutching your hand as they wheel you into surgery and then it hits you. there’s a pain in your stomach and your memories come flooding back-
“o-our baby.” you stutter, tears are welling up in your eyes as you place a hand over your stomach. “our baby!” you repeat. “oh my god i lost our baby!” the nurses and doctors that are around you instantly feel a sting in their heart but the blonde freezes in his tracks. 
“baby..?” 
he’s standing in the middle of the hallway when you’re screaming and crying as they wheel you to surgery about a baby you never even got to meet. his face goes white and his eyes are wide but realization hits him he instantly digs his hand into your bag that some how survived that whole villain fiasco. 
his fingers are rip away at the wrapping paper and when he opens it, he tries so hard to hold back his tears. it doesnt help that the only words he can hear you screaming are “my baby is dead!” 
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lunarmochi · 2 years ago
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dream talk
tw assault (?) scare, s*icide ideation
i just woke up, and it looks like i had a depth-y one, since i was drooling on my pillow and woke up late.
i... think i had a hurt/comfort dream.
i forget the context, but i was at a sort of party with a lot of people. at some sort of a large hotel with multiple floors.
the places in this dream feel... like i've seen them in other dreams, but they're upgraded.
i think i was playing around with some of the elevator buttons and ended up going to this one floor. it was a glass balcony with the elevator in the middle. bc of the shape of the elevator, there were two wide sections on the balcony, and two narrow sections.
there were a lot of shady people in the narrow section, which scared me, but i think i had no choice but to go through there. and as expected, someone grabbed my arm and tried pulling me away. i don't remember how i felt, but i must've been terrified.
luckily, some stranger pulled me away and wrote it off as him looking for me. i played along and thanked him, as we walked away. he gently pushed me in the elevator, and i quickly went to another floor.
comfort part
i don't remember what happened, but later on, i ended up in the elevator with two other people. we were all sitting on some sort of bench in the elevator and going to different floors so no one would walk in. it was silly.
one of the people in there, the one next to me, was a celebrity of sorts? but.. it wasn't even a romantic dream. it was just me having a breakdown, laying my head on their soldier and venting about my problems. talking about my problems with my mom and how i can't talk about any of my crippling mental health with her. and how i just want to die already, but i can't even tell her. i just say there a while, crying, as the two of them quietly listened to me. who the other person was is fading away.
then, he... the former person... he basically said "you've gone through so much shit. you've gone through a lot, and you don't know how to handle it. just let me help you, alright? i'll take care of everything else, i just want you to rest and relax." i kept crying and apologizing that he had to do so much work because of me, but he shushed me and said it was alright. that it's alright to ask for help and comfort.
the dream took a weird turn, but i remember turning into a small mouse and going around on someone's head. it was to hide from my mom during dinner, though i don't remember why i would even risk it in the first place. i think it was another celebrity. i tried just sleeping and not moving much, while they took care of me and fed me little bits of food. i remember it being scary to try and keep my mom from noticing it was me.
then, it's a blur and i remember having fun in a small room with a lot of people i'm not in mouse form anymore. we were singing karaoke, i think, and just being silly. until, my mom suddenly tries kicking down the door. she keeps trying, and we look at ourselves in fear. i eventually suck it up and open the door, as she screams and yells at me. i don't remember much of what she said.
then, it's another blur. suddenly i'm in a river/canal with this.. vtuber person? it's no one i watch, surprisingly. i was in another depressive state and just in the water. they come up to me with this boat and are like "come on, let me pull you around" and they joke that i'm heavy, but pull me around easily. it turns into another moment of me venting about my problems and crying, while they listen and let me lay on their lap. i forget if the lap part actually happened.
then... that's where the dream ends. or at least, what i remember of it.
i woke up feeling incredibly depressed and lethargic, and am still feeling that as i'm curled up in bed typing this on my phone. my only thought, reflecting on my dream, was "i hate it here." i hate my dreams for reflecting what i need most of. for reflecting my problems and providing actual help for them, whether it was useful or not.
i hate still being able to feel how safe and comforted and warm i felt while being listened to and doted on. the feeling of someone telling me "i don't want to see you in so much pain anymore, let me take care of you." i hate it. i hate it i hate it i hate it. just when i'd accepted that i might be alone with no friends for the rest of my life, my dream throws that at me.
starting off the day much more horribly than i thought.
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