lunarmochi

[lunarmochi]

[lunarmochi]

Abnegating Cecity - Submitted by fastman27

#2F404F #18222E #0D0E1B #251F2C #493C4D

[lunarmochi]

[lunarmochi]

Hello there lovely, I was wondering if you possibly could do a pastel MDIR 18+ divider? Ive been searching everywhere for a soft blue 😭

hello! I can do that for sure - I made a couple different ones in solf blue for you! 💙🩵

[Free] Masterlist Headers & Dividers!

Please consider liking or reblogging if you use 💕

[lunarmochi]

[lunarmochi]

do you think mocking catholicism is funny

yes. next question

[lunarmochi]

cheers to another year of being alive. life has been hard lately, but i'm doing my best. i can proudly say that i'm doing just fine. not perfect or truly happy, but more than i would've ever thought i would be.

happy birthday to me 🍰💕

[lunarmochi]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't think anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

[lunarmochi]

lil venty ramble thingy

trying to make the decision whether i'm ready to come back or not.

i'm still a little weary, but much better than i was feeling a few days ago. the loneliness and suicidal ideation is much more bearable.

but.. part of me feels selfish for not wanting to. that means catching up on everything i've missed and facing the fact that nothing has changed, that my presence doesn't make a difference and that i need to accept it.

deep down, i've felt bitter the past few days. why do people suddenly care when they're gone? why when they're gone, and not through the weeks of symptoms and visible signs? why do people only check in and give someone the care they need once they've hit their breaking point?

i'm rambling again, sorry.

i feel floaty. like i'm just aimlessly floating through life, not sure what purpose i have for existing, not sure what i'm living for, not sure what i'm going to do today or tomorrow.

[lunarmochi]

"Imagine still posting fanart a whole year after the game came out" brother what are you talking about

[lunarmochi]

writing is the most insane hobby it's like,

is it easy? no

is it fast? also no

but is it fun? well,

[lunarmochi]

watched a funny oshi stream, and life feels a little more like living again. i can't remember the last time i laughed like that m

still anticipating the inevitable stress and mood drop tomorrow, but right now feels okay.

right now feels bearable, if only for a moment.

[lunarmochi]

hibiscus flower ৎ˚ 🌺. ᭢˚｡

[lunarmochi]

[lunarmochi]

feels fine for ten minutes: wow i can't believe i was faking my depression that entire time

feels bad for ten seconds: i have never felt joy in my entire life and existence is prison

[lunarmochi]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[lunarmochi]

i've gotten past the point of feeling so painfully sad, and now i just feel sorry for myself, more than anything. the soft piano music has been helping.

i don't deserve to feel like this. i don't deserve to feel so alone and like i have absolutely no one i can seek comfort in. i don't deserve to feel like i'm completely unimportant and a waste of time to all my safe persons, who are all busy.

i don't deserve any of this, but it's my reality.

maybe i can last this isolation until after my birthday.