#i was actually going to do the whole song but i got lazy tho-

[magicgirlboss]

john silver - i'm your man

[kisses4suna]

can you please give me some really soft suna bf headcannons !!!! i love ur works btw ur my fav suna writerr ahh

SUNA RINTAROU BF HEADCANNONS !

☆ featuring. suna rintarou

☆ a/n. OMFG. anon im so sorry this took me so fkn long to answer. im slowly starting to finish requests people have sent in months ago. i love this idea sm tho!! im so sorry again; i literally deleted tumblr and finally got it backk ill be finishing more requests soon and posting drafts, then during the summer ill post WAY MORE FREQUENTLY. (so be prepared for sm more suna content guys ;))

ps. i might make a p2 for post timeskip suna too so lmk if you’d want that !!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

PRE-TIMESKIP BF SUNA

- suna mfing rintarou will raise your standards to heaven bro. even if he’s only in highschool

- his face will be so deadpanned and neutral but the minute he sees you he grows that small smile that he hopes nobody sees

- he talks about you like crazy to his sister but doesn’t even realize it

- “did you see her new insta post? shes so pretty bro how tf did i pull her”

- “i miss my gf rn”

- “hey do you think y/n would want something like this?”

- his sister loves you, but is so tired of her brother constantly talking about you

- he would choose you over anybody, and anything. even over his airpods. which says a lot for suna

- will literally do anything to spend time with you. he will drop as much as he could on his schedule for you. he just genuinely wants you to be with him all the time. (he’s so clingy its cute but he hates admitting how attached he is to you hes like a lil koala bear hanging onto his branch)

- without you even knowing he signed you up to be a manager for his volleyball team just so you could spend time with him at his practice

- this mf so obsessed with you he got hit in the face with a volleyball because he was too busy looking at you instead of paying attention to the actual practice

- he will ‘go to the bathroom’ during practice just to sneak off underneath the bleachers to give you a quick kiss and talk to you.

- suna isn’t dumb he’s actually really smart just very lazy, so if you were in advanced classes he would literally get his grade up, request a transfer to your advanced classes, just so he could spend more time with you there

- plus he loves seeing you seem so smart and focused he thinks you look so cute like that ^^

- he unfollowed every girl on his socials besides you and his sister

- he has a whole instagram highlight dedicated for you and its filled with over 20 stories of you and him together or sometimes just pictures of how beautiful you are.

- his insta bio has your initial with a heart, and says “i love my gf” just for fan girls to back off

- his photo album is way worse. he organized his whole camera roll and has a full album of you which takes up half his storage, but who cares, he doesn’t mind having to delete games he downloaded cause he was bored ( especially if its for you )

- in his notes app he has every little detail about you written down, not in a creepy way, just to remember important stuff about you. like what you hate in people, your fav stuff, etc.

- he dedicates every long song to you.

- also hes like very touchy in private, i mean in public he is too, BUT IN PRIVATE. oh my. he is not afraid to cling onto you.. you will literally have to claw him off you if you have to use the bathroom while your cuddling

- he’s only like that because he loves you so much and he’s so attached to you, he just wants to stay with you forever because he cant imagine losing you

- he asks his mom if he can sleep over at your house as much as he could, the days he can’t, you either go to him, or he facetimes you and you both end up falling asleep on the phone.

- everytime he goes to the mall with his friends or something, he will ask them every 3 seconds “do you think y/n would want this ?” he really just wants to spoil you to show you how much he loves and appreciates you

- sometimes he sleeps late at night rewatching his volleyball games and analyzing his plays, so he bought you a sleeing mask and earplugs so you could fall asleep without the sound or light of the tv bothering your slumber

- he loves being in between your thighs, your fingers tangled in his hair while you both watch tv.

- but at night he loves burrying his face in the crook of your neck with one armed wrapped around your waist and the other placed diagonally on your back while his hand covers the back of your head, almost looking like hes protecting it.

- you’ve genuinely helped him become a better version of himself, when he’s with you he’s at his best, which is probably why he loves you so much. because when he’s with you it feels like he’s just at peace, he just falls in love with you even more everyday.

- he hates thinking your love is puppy love and it wouldn’t last, and some nights when he’s not with you, he’ll overthink like crazy, really just wondering why someone as perfect as you hasn’t left him yet, or why are you even with him in the first place ?

- little does he know, he means as much as you mean to him, and you don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon.

[forgotten-fossilised]

The h0td writing is so bad, how can they go on and on about the prophecy unless the writers plan to reveal that lol the Stark kids are actually Aemond's descendants via Alys so that hotd can connect to got's ending? I would love for the Starks to have no connections from the Targs at all (except Jon) so it can be a f u to whole house T4rg but seriously with how the writing goes, I feel like it has a 70% chance happening now... Also is it just me or Alys' actress kind of look like Arya?

But yeahhh, after the previous episodes, I've finally decided to drop the show...

hello, thank u for the ask🫶

shhh don't give condal & co. any more ideas!! now that you mention it the actresses do look kinda similar. honestly I'd never have thought of that explanation, but at this point anything is possible! everytime I think it can't get worse I get unpleasantly surprised. completely understand why you don't wanna watch anymore, I do just to see how bad it can get. i can't stop, it's so amusing 😭

this stupid prophecy pissed me off on so many levels. "he called it the song of ICE and FIRE" ok but why tho. did it change its meaning over the years or what. I wonder if it's gonna be explained at all or did they just throw it in bc its the lazy convenient way to justify Rhaenyra's actions. if they really wanted to include it the great way would be to tie it with Cregan and Jace somehow? (their alliance being literally called Pact of ice and fire...) but nah apparently they just cut out the whole northern storyline. maybeee we will be shown some flashbacks regarding that but idk

on a side note, as far as I remember the prince that was promised prophecy isn't inherently tied to the targaryens at all, and it definitely doesn't originate from Aegon, so I wonder if they changed that in the show canon (like Dany's dragon eggs coming from Syrax) or do the targs just believe that bc of course who else would be the chosen one if not them.

[itsnotmourn]

CONCEPTS AND RAMBLINGS | "animal" cult pmv extras

thank you everyone for liking my pmv (and on yt and twitter) !! i got more attention than i thought it would and that means the world to me! <33

here’s some of my concept art + rambles for it!

the first thing i made up, the character designs!

i didn’t think to refine them because they were good enough to use LMAO... so i scribbled colours down, threw a filter and called it a night

i wanted a sharp change from the verses and chorus (since the song goes from calm to... louder) so i made it greyscale (with a red filter) that changed to brighter colours!

also changed the text font/colour for ignacio hmm. the font was hard to read, in my opinion.

ignacio's design

ignacio loses his bandage colours because that was too many colours for my liking… i completely forgot his hair highlights tho

ah and he doesn’t get a mouth until the fire scene too…

it was only meant to be done for a few frames but i thought it be cooler if it was consistent.

the missing mouth represents his repressed feelings/silence, or something like that.

skidad's design

i got a few questions on whether skidad was a goat. despite looks, skidad’s design is actually based on the herbiadean/jacob sheep! four horns!

i have drawn skidad as a jacob sheep before as well!

look at them ominous friends.

the resemblance to goats is something i considered as well (links with cult/sacrifice) so i think of it as a fun bonus

i gave him wolf teeth because the whole “wolf in sheep’s clothing” but also because i like it when prey animals are given predator features

i left the body as "human" because i only wanted the face to be censored… i considered clawed/darkened hands too but nah

skidad was originally going to be lined like ignacio, but i liked the lineless look for him so voila! makes it feel like he’s “not bound by anything”... actually, this is the same reasoning for the match to be “out” of the border, even though it’s ignacio’s hand

storyboards

i rarely storyboard (most are locked in my mind) but i figured it'd be fun to try!

halfway, i got bored of drawing digitally so i moved onto my notebook. i think it was a good decision; since i drew with my ink pen, it forced me to move on with my mistakes instead of clicking "clear canvas" lol

i had a pretty solid idea of what i wanted after weeks of listening to the song over and over again. the only thing that really changed was the mirror, which was replaced with a shadowy ignacio

the coloured thumbnails i actually did first, just to figure out out what i’m doing for the chorus part… limited palette my beloved

i didn't know where to put the text so i was scribbling everywhere lol

ratio changes

in the chorus, the ratio of ignacio and skidad’s frames changes! it’s more obvious if i combined them together, like this

less for ignacio, more for skidad

did you notice that the fire in this shot look like the cult ?!!! why did i do that, you ask? well:

the fire is the same “red”as the robe

too lazy to draw fire without abusing motion blur

mmm symbolism idk. it's somewhere there

it wasn’t in my plans but i’m happy i made the choice in the last minute. this was the last thing i needed to finish before syncing it up with the music

also this… i just wanted to point it out… make sure everyone knows... did you notice this? did you? did you did you? well now you do!!!

that's it !!! that's your trip into my mind!! okay byeeeee !!

[pumpkinsy0]

Curly and Ponys first Christmas living together where both of them are confused when Christmas decorations don't magically appear because somebody else always does it

ohhhh these two,,,,luv em!!! thank u for the ask!!!

•ik they bought those decorations late as hell, they kept putting it off cause they were too lazy, and even uf they DID get it, theyd b too lazy to put ALL of them up, their gang/family usually helped w it but now its just the two of em, only 1/2 of those decorations r actually gonna b used

•if u think these two r arguing over what vibe of christmas they want and u feel like pony is into a christmas where its one solid color, ur on THIN ice bc they BOTH would rather a colorful christmas and cant understand y anyone would go for that boring outlook on christmas,,,im watching u,,,

•however we can compromise!!! pony argues just going for the regular red and green while curlys arguing for just different colors PLUS the red and green, they both r too stubborn and now their christmas looks like a paintball gun shot up the place

•their tree was so pathetic, its in an awkward spot in the living room, its so small and kept tipping over so they gave up on it and its just kinda leaning on the wall and stacked up by ponys college books😭😭

•they prolly coulda picked a better tree too, its not like that was the only one left, they were just in a sour mood cause it was cold as shit and wanted to go back home so they picked the first one they saw n dipped, say ts the next morning n just sighed😭

•curlys homesickness shows rarely, and this is one of those times bc angela would joke about putting herself on top of a christmas tree cause she was an “angel”, but they never ever got one, so he took a pic of angela he had and put it on top, hes never admitting he misses that demon tho🙄🙄

•SOMEONE (curly) put the mistletoe above the headboard of their bed thinking they were soooooo slick

•YESSS i will forver bring up haitian fanals i love them theyre so pretty, curly and pony tried making em but they looked so wonky, if u hc them living in an apartment, they couldnt hang them up bc they hand nowhere TO do it so its just chilling on a counter, but they still do light em up!!!

•the lights were so tangled up in the box somehow they genuinely just gave up and threw them up on the wall and said “we’ll get to it later” (they wouldnt)

•if u want them living in a shitty one bedroom, let it b known that they love going around the block seeing the other neighbors decorations and some of them light their houses UP, ik their light bill high as hell and when they didnt have their decorations up they could just feel those houses,,,teasing them,,,,

•ponys sent darry pics of the whole set up and darry could detect about 6 fire code violations, he sighed and showed tim and they accepted what theyve done letting those two move in together, to make the grieving process easier

•kinda unrelated but ikkkk they dont play about frank sinatra and maria careys christmas songs

[helenofjupiter]

assigning taylor swift songs to bridgerton couples (part 2)

with explanations that no one asked for (proceed with caution)

part 1 for a, b, c and d

eloise & phillip - i hadn’t even read the book and i knew paris was their song. i feel it captures their essence. “no, i didn't see the news 'cause we were somewhere else” while benophie are just as deep in the countryside, i think philoise truly don’t care about anything that goes on in the ton. “i want to brainwash you into loving me forever” i’m not sure why this line in particular stands out to me in context of their relationship. maybe because going into it they both had their agenda. also phillip constantly thinking he has to find a way to make eloise stay forever. “confess my truth in swooping, sloping, cursive letters” i think this one is self explanatory. secondly electric touch, i was hesitant about this one cause i’m just not a fan of this song sonically but the lyrics were too on point. “just breathe, just relax, it'll be okay // just the first time ever hanging out with you” - eloise sitting in her carriage on the way to meet a man who basically proposed to her without meeting once. from phillip’s “i've gotten used to no one callin' my phone” when eloise shows up and the servant’s “hey, we got a caller” and phillip going “wtf no one comes here, you sure about that”. also “i've grown accustomed to sleeping' alone” yeah eight years will do that. “i was thinking, just one time maybe the stars align, just one time and maybe I call you mine” 

francesca & michael - so i have a story regarding this one. as i got to the second half of the book and the spice started flooding in, i felt like the need for some equally sexy music in the background and i remembered (honestly don’t know how i ever forgot) the altarpiece of taylor’s music  false god. truly all the stars aligned, while i read the words “she felt cherished. worshipped. loved” miss taylor swift sang “we'd still worship this love”. other than that it does fall into the vibes category. tho if one day we are blessed enough to actually get their season i am expecting every social media feed to be drowning in edits of  franchel to this song. but also alternatively to don’t blame me. again, sexy. well the spice in this book was just on another level and i also couldn’t figure out if taylor has a song about being in love with your cousins spouse for six years. i think this is more from michael’s perspective. i mean “i've been breaking' hearts a long time” he even broke mine by being fictional. “if you walk away i'd beg you on my knees to stay” michael stirling would absolutely do this and frankly i can’t stop picturing it. if we do get to them in the show some glorious day, this is my official plea to include this song in the soundtrack. 

gregory & lucy - speak now is the somewhat lazy choice but have you read the prologue timed to this song. “i hear the preacher say, "speak now or forever hold your peace"” the church went silent “there's the silence, there's my last chance. i stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me” the priest stopped his drone, and every spine in every pew twisted until every face was turned to the back. to him. “horrified looks from everyone in the room but i'm only looking at you” she said nothing, but he saw her. // she looked so beautiful. i rest my case. it was really hard to pick a song for them because there’s so many twists and turns in the book so my honourable mentions are haunted (when gregory convinced everything is solved and then lucy goes and marries another man) and daylight. finally i settled with ivy. “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine but it's been promised to another” i mean lucy has been promised to another man from the start of the book. it just fits them, okay (can you tell i’ve been writing this for four hours at this point).

hyacinth & gareth - dear god, hyacinth is my favourite character in the whole books series. i adore her but for the love of god i could not figure out what songs to choose for hyareth. it was truly a headache and if anyone has any suggestions, please do not hesitate to tell me. because they are such a chaotic and energetic duo, i wanted something that would fit them musically but ended up picking cowboy like me and peace. both are truly in the vibes category, i don’t have much of an explanation. in cowboy like me “and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up” felt kinda reminiscent of the whole polt line with gareth and his father who wasn’t really his father. peace has a little more substance to it. in my head this is more from hyacinth, she is wild and you will never get bored with her but she can also be a lot and tiring. “you know that i'd swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches. give you my wild, give you a child” this is who hyacinth is, she is a ride or die, and i truly believe she would sit in the trenches with gareth.

[the-pale-chancellor]

I’m glad I get to talk about it with someone finally!

And while I do understand where you’re coming from for the most part, I do have a few rebuttals.

Also I must confess, I don’t speak Russian in any way shape or form. I’ve seen the subtitled earlier productions enough that I mostly know what’s going on, but I bet I’ve missed a couple things in this new show.

I’m gonna try to do it smart like you did and piece out my opinions.

First off

Characters: I know I’m in the minority but I actually LIKE most of what they did with Crysania. In my opinion from reading the books it felt like lazy writing for her to have no personality. As the female lead she needed to be fleshed out more. This Crysania gets to have emotions and a personality outside of feelings for Raistlin. It also feels like she is fully immersed in the more joyful and compassionate parts of her faith which make a lot more sense for her character instead of going from stoic and cold to insta love. Also the fact that it’s her singing at the end the poetic justice is just *chefs kiss!* GIRLY FINALLY GOT TO HAVE THE LAST WORD SHE DESERVES.

Raistlin honestly got more fleshed out as well. His one redeeming quality is that he shows compassion for those who are powerless and bullied by society. And he got to show off this quality quite a bit. As for what you said about the scene before the battle of Zhaman, I don’t see it quite as a Jesus thing so much as like him using his manipulative side to win himself a war, which is more or less what it’s always been in this show. Also they took out him assaulting Crysania which I appreciate. Also in the books Raistlin was pretty sick most of the time. So it’s accurate.

You’re right about the cabaret thing that’s weird. But does it bother me all that much? No not really. In the book if I remember correctly they were in a literal courtroom with Rasitlin on trial for his past so…..is it really and weirder?

Were the costumes bad? Yes. Was the set weird and sound quality bad? Yes. Did I find it weird the actress playing Crysania was blond? Yes . but none of those things really took away too much from it for me. I like seeing new actors get to play these parts. I don’t know if they’ll be other performances of this version, but if they can just iron out the technical issues and make some improvements costume wise I think it could get better!

Oh but Crysania still doesn't have emotions outside her love for Raistlin. All this cheerfullness may seem like her actually being fleshed out, helping and confronting the injustice (and yes, in the scenes with Istar she does just that, props to her, even tho if I remember correctly she kinda did the same in previous versions, might be wrong), bUT. When listening to what she's singing (and I am just conveying it because you don't know the language), she now doesn't go from cold to insta loving. She goes from seeing Raist for the first time and insta loving him, all her thoughts and songs are about how she could save him from like the very beginning of the musical and that's what bothers me. Yes, coldness seems lazy on her, but that happy babbling just feels wrong to me.

Of course you may like her new variation though! Everyone has different opinions and I believe yours is as valid here, just saying what I noticed :)

Also, about the Abyss part. Even though I didn't like cabaret, I, for some forsaken reason, adored the actual tango. The way Raist moved under control had something in it, but I remember similar thing with Egorov somewhere. Yet, God forbid me from talking any further because I will not stop internally laughing about 12th doc appearance of that man.

Overall: I'd say it wasn't all horrible, not at all. I'd put 6/10 for the whole thing, probably Saint-Petersburg's version is better as it was filmed 10 days after the YouTube one (and is actually on sale rn, but it costs 2000rub/~20$ so can't watch it). They need to polish things A LOT, but overall - fine enough.

Thank you for having a convo of opinions with me! Needed to share this with someone :)

[puppy-phum]

5 Songs Tag - QL Shows Edition

tagged by vi @feralmuskyscentedhoepran​​ ♥ thank you once more for thinking of me with these cool tag games ^^ 

When you get this, list 5 songs from the Asian QL media that you actually listen to.

🎶They do not have to be custom-made for the series. 🎶Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages! 🎶Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested in participating. 🎶Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!

all of these will be from thai shows as i mostly pick up songs from those. i've also been watching mainly thai shows lately so i don't have much else to choose from, sorry...

I. ข้างกัน (City) - Fourth Nattawat and Gemini Norawit (Cover) My School President OST / Original by Three Man Down

To be honest, I love both the original version and this cover from MSP. The cover just holds double the meaning. It is both part of TinnGun’s story – their first meeting, their beginning, the reason why Tinn fell for Gun and why they fit together now – and PuenTalay's story in their own universe. It connects these two universes too, and that is why I’m so fond of it. Also, Gemini and Fourth make this song sound even softer than it already is. (My other favorites from MSP ost are Healing, Let Me Tell You, and the cover of Just Being Friendly, tho the whole soundtrack is just phenomenal.)

II. ใครคลั่งรักกว่ากัน (Madly in Love) - Jimmy Jitaraphol and Sea Tawinan Our Skyy 2 x Vice Versa OST

This song is so very PuenTalay but also so JimmySea. It’s extremely soft, romantic, a little playful, cute, and just loving all the way around. It compliments both of their voices and styles, and just makes me super happy. The lyrics are nice too. My favorite part is the one where Jimmy changes the way he sounds in the chorus (Idk what to call it sorry). It’s towards the end of the song. It’s just super cool somehow and very addicting.

III. คลาด (Over the Moon) - Khaotung Thanawat The Eclipse OST

Absolutely obsessed with this song. One of the best theme songs a BL has ever had, hands down. Truly lived up to the hype I got from hearing this song in the mock up trailer. I love Khaotung’s voice, the visuals in the MV, the lyrics, the instrumental. Overall just a perfect song for me specifically. (To be fair, The Eclipse has had two of my favorite soundtracks with this and their Our Skyy 2 song. Instant hits, no question.)

IV. ก่อน - Pchy Dew The Movie OST

I don’t think any other piece of media has ever made me feel the way Dew The Movie does. It was, and still is, simply everything to me. And this song. This song. I cannot put into words how perfect, how wonderful, how special this song is. I cry every time I hear it because it’s just so fully packed with all these feelings I cannot describe. I love it. I love it so much. And for the love of god, if you haven’t watched this movie, go do it right now. 

V. ร้อยล้านวิว (Million views) - Stamp Last Twilight Pilot Trailer 

I don’t know how well this song fits the criteria for this game but I found this lovely thing bc of the Last Twilight trailer and now I cannot get rid of it. It’s been on my playlist ever since this trailer dropped in November and not a day goes by that I don’t listen to it. It’s just so good and always brings me back to these moments. I keep hoping they would keep this song in the show itself or that they will get an OST that sounds similar, instrumental and lyrical wise. Bc my god did this song hit again once I stopped being lazy and looked up a translation for the lyrics. Now I’m crying even more bc of it thanks.

Bonus: พระเอกจำลอง by Getsunova from the Theory of Love OST. One of my eternal favorites. This song just is the show.  Special mentions: These are western songs so I didn’t want to include them to the list itself but I have to mention that Blueming brought me back to sød ven’s music bc they used the song hollow for the show (the beach scenes to be specific). I am forever grateful. Also, I love the songs both Not Me and Never Let Me Go used in their soundtracks, specifically this one and this one (both are instrumental as these shows have made me appreciate instrumentals a lot more too).

Tagging: @dimpledpran​​ @snimeat​​ @wanderlust-in-my-soul​​ @dragonsareawesome123​​ @oswlld​​ @leonpob​​ @stormyoceans​​ @ayan-sukkhapisit​​ @nongnaos​​ ♥ 

[necromycologist]

rating 'fantasies' songs by their tlt vibes

recently i got really into this album and ive been listening to it nonstop and i got the urge to make this post so behold.

Help I'm Alive

we open with a BANGER. the whole heart motif beauty of existence thing is very tlt in general but "if we're still alive my regrets are few/if my life is mine what shouldnt i do" feels like it could be ntn cam+pal perhaps. 6/10 for general vibes not really going anywhere specific tho.

Sick Muse

i could see this as a convo between gideon and harrow. "pull your little arrows out an let me live my life" she WOULD say that about love... ily harrowhark necro'mancer nonagesimus lyctorway keep sticking your middle finger up at preps. but the main event is "all the blondes are fantasies/we looked at them eleven ways/you said look at me then looked away" like i dont even need to explain this one. YOU SAID LOOK AT ME THEN LOOKED AWAY the orpheus and eurydice the betrayal the hurt why wont you eat me please please consume me why are you saving me sorry one sec. ill shut up about greek myths now. 7.5/10 that one lyric saved it for me

Satellite Mind

this song is so strange and offputting it has to be about our favourite little bone nun <3 its givin htn harrow "i can feel you most when im alone" um the body the body the body "flashback of a feeling/sixth sense of a calling" its the love! that they couldnt take away!! 6/10 because i think that the dreamy freaky what the fuck is happening are suuuuper htn however the actual lyrics arent super close

Gold Guns Girls

i want this song to be about ianthe tridentarius soooooo bad... i want it to be about our favourite perpetually thirdweeling failgirl so much... like ive never wanted anything else ever oh my GOD... "i remember when you were gambling to win/everybody else said better luck next time" underestimated at canaan house anyone? anyone at all? no takers?? no??? 3/10 because despite my deepest wishes this is just a good song thats not about gay catholic homestuck 😔

Gimme Sympathy

slightly ironic gtn griddlehawk at its finest. "get hot/get too close to the flames" oops! now ur her cavalier "wild open space" gideon-gettin-shocked-by-days-on-earth-emotional.png "talk like an open book" not with that vow of silence. idiot. "sign me up!" shes not signed up haha "ill remember someday all the chances we took" not after the lobotomy u wont lol "we're so close to something better left unknown" cough cough LYCTORHOOD. 9/10 manifesting kiriona giving harrow sympathy after all of this is gone in alecto

Collect Call

hiii ntn fans i prommy i didn’t forget abt u! this one goes out to the psychosexual mess of role playing and bad meals enjoyers <3 "i know it's a lie i want it to be true/the rest of the rot is riding on you" oh boy like i said psychosexual mess... pyrra dve my beloved "wishing you could KEEP! ME! CLOSER! IM A LAZY! DANCER! WHEN YOU MOVE! I! MOVE WITH YOUOOOOOOOOO" oh lord nona placing her hand on cam's shoulder like palamedes would. oh lord being so close in one body and yet a second apart. 8/10 should be higher but i started Having Feelings about nona's death again and couldnt finish listening to the song

Front Row

this is a john song if I’ve ever heard one. “burnt out stars they shine so bright… all of us” is def. giving lyctor vibes. (just children playing with reflections thinking they were stars grauauauagh etc etc) plus plus “he’s not perfect/he’s a victim/of his occupation/social insulation/secret intervention” like fuck dude he really is!!! pilot that president around ordinary dude fuck the world up with your good intentions!!! 10/10 this song is the brainrot undying the kindly prince of my lyctor brainrot

Blindness

besties ngl i am INCREDIBLY torn on this one,,, on one hand “what it is and where it stops nobody knows/you gave me a life i never chose/i wanna leave but the world wont let me go” goes crazy hard. like harrowhark ‘cursed to keep living’ nonagesimus? hello is that u? on the other hand the whole opening sequence of this is very blood of eden coded… 5/10 this song has a very Character Energy about it but i think i must accept that that character is probably not a tlt one

Stadium Love

ohohohoo! here she comes!! this song IS about canaan house like the whole thing n nothing will convince me otherwise. "wanna make a deal/angel versus eel" hm im getting gideighth betrayal vibes from this "rabbit versus dove" WHAT DID I SAY colum get back here your government assigned fursona is in the song "owl versus dove" uuuuuh this can be about the sixth being cool basically whenever because sixth -> wisdom -> athena -> owl. idc that they live on mercury fuck off. the blorbos may be smart but i dont have to be. btw camilla hect if you read this im free on thursday night and would like to hang out plz respond and then hang out with me on thursday night when im free. u can bring your necromancer too if yw. "every living thing pushed into the ring" duel time every (necro)man(cer) for himself "guess you thought you could just watch" go on enforce that cohort order judith! it wont backfire at all haha! "NO. ONES. GETTING. OUT" well. uh. none of them are. plus cant you just see the Character Portrait Flashes AMV Moments to the wooowooos?? cant you??? "without STADIUM LOVE" the last time they say this w the beat drop it should be gidedeath cytherea duel epic timez and then the echoing "love love" at the end is harrow waking up and mouthing The Three Syllables TM. 11/10 somebody lend me their animation skills please i would be sooo epic and responsible with them i have a Vison...

in conclusion thx for listening to my deranged ramblings (if anyone actually does.) please go listen to fantasies its so so good... message me and we can brainrot thru it together xoxo

[dorakonia]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN!

What's your phone's wallpaper: A fanart piece of Pantalone from Genshin Impact skdjfhsdf it's been there for the past half a year, and it's funny because I used to change my background fairly often before but nowadays I'm just too lazy to change it. So I guess he'll be there until I find something new that I really really like.

Last song you listened to: Idk man, I'm listening to music daily so songs come and go every 4-5 minute skdjhfsf But I guess I could put down the song I'm listening to right now while typing this - "You Are My Sunshine" by Johnny Cash.

Currently reading: Kuroshitsuji. I'm really bad at sitting down and reading books so I usually listen to audio books instead but I love collecting books for some reason skdjfhsdf, but keeping up with the Kuroshitsuji manga is easy since one chapter is released every month, and ngl, I would do the same to other on-going manga series but that would require me to... y'know, sit down and read a lot just to catch up skdjfhsd but I do have Vanitas no Carte in the backburner that I'll eventually get to reading in full. Same goes for the Sailor Moon manga, which I actually own the entire collection of, and I have read at least 3 volumes of it + the volumes with the bonus stories. But in general the collection is just... sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust 😭

Last movie: Uhhhh.... I used to watch movies so much but nowadays I'm too addicted to youtube content to really sit down and watch movies, because it's always such a hassle because every time a movie is over I'm sitting there like 'ok now what to watch' and then I get stuck in limbo of what I feel like watching skdjfhsd And youtube is endless. But I think that the last movie I watched was "Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back - Evolution" with @jinanreona :3

Last show: ... Same thing here, I don't watch a lot of shows either. And if I do, I usually rewatch shows I'm already familiar with ksdjhfsdf I think the last show I watched in whole was The Walking Dead back in February. And a couple of weeks ago I watched a few Kuroshitsuji episodes with @dokitm! But I think that's about it skjdfhsdf

What are you wearing right now?: .... That is kind of a personal question, isn't it😏

Piercings/tattoos?: No tattoos, but I'd like to have one one day when I'm financially stable to get one skdjhfsd I've had plenty of piercings tho. I got my ears pierced when I was 7 and I still have those, and then when I was 15 I pierced them again so I had two beside each other on each ear. Then when I was 17 I got one for my nose but I let it grow away like 3 years later because I thought it always looked like I had a giant decorative zit on there skjfsd Then I got a navel one when I was 21, and I actually loved it a lot and had it for years. But then one day the jewelry came loose and I couldn't be bothered to get a new one and that one too eventually grew away. I've always wanted a tongue piercing, but it has just never really happened yet. Maybe some day~

Glasses? Contacts?: Reading glasses~

Last thing you ate: My lunch today - salmon in white sauce and boiled potatoes~

Favourite colour(s)?: For stand-alone colours my favorites are black and blue. For colour combos, my all-time favourite is black/white/red, and I also really like purple/pink/orange/yellow.

Current obsession: Uh... I'm very particular in the way I obsess about things skjdfhsdf I don't have a lot of things that I obsess over, but I have a couple that I keep switching between depending on what kind of content I'm exposed to and/or engage in at the moment. Like, for example, right now my current obsession is Breath of the Wild because I'm replaying it to get into the hype for Tears of the Kingdom that is coming out tomorrow (!!!!), and I've been obsessing about it for at least 2 months straight now just because of that. But like... even tho I've been playing a lot, I still don't play every day. And the days when I don't play, I'm obsessing over any of my other interests. And whenever I'm not obsessing over those, I'm obsessing over the one remainder thing. The other day I was obsessing over Warcraft lore because I was spending a whole day playing WoW, and before then I was obsessing over Genshin, and before then it was something else. I obsess over the same things but I do it in phases, and I rarely get new obsessions ksdjhfsdf And ofc, in-between all of these interests, I'm constantly (tho subconsciously) obsessing over Kuroshitsuji and Twisted Wonderland ( Sebastian and Malleus specifically ofc ) :'3 It's like when my mind isn't occupied with anything in particular, Sebastian and Malleus is always living rent free in my head, and I spend my time drawing fanart of them.~

Do you have a crush right now?: Nope. Thus is the life of a demi.~

Favourite fictional character: If I don't say Sebastian Michaelis here I cannot in good faith call myself the biggest Sebastian apologist to have walked this Earth.... but Malleus, Yuugi (ygo), Howl (howl's moving castle - mostly the book version because he's such a little shit there and i absolutely love it, but the movie version is what i was introduced to and it will forever hold a special place in my heart), Zhongli (genshin), Fiore (sailor moon), Mamoru (sailor moon - manga and smc have him much better fleshed out and i love it, but he 90s anime will obviously always have a special place in my heart because it is what i grew up watching ♥ ), Lady Mipha (loz: botw), and Harley Quinn (btas as well as the newer animated harley quinn series) are all ofc huge faves of mine as well ;w; There's absolutely more but.... we'd be here all day~

TAGGED BY: @gosutm , @jinanreona , @pomfiores (thank you guys!!) TAGGING: I think almost everyone has already done this one so I'm just gonna uhhhh tag some that I don't think have done it so uhhhh @casketdweller, @svmmoning, @niiveusx, @decayedhearts, @chxmpionofjustice, @universestreasures, && @ofcryptid!

[goldnrry]

FAV HARRY’S HOUSE SONG

I love mfsr and aiw but my most listened ones are satellite and little freak

FAV HARRY’S HOUSE LYRIC

Idkkkkk i cant

FAV HARRY’S HOUSE MUSIC VIDEO

Mmmmm im still wait for the circus to completely decide😤

But the mfsr was really fun and weird but i love the as it was one it was so artistic

FAV STAGE FIT

FAVE STREET FIT

I REFUSE TO PICK JUST ONE

CAVE RED CARPET FIT

All the other ones were so perfect too but he looked like he could snap me in a half with his dick with the faces he was making on this day🥹 and the waistline reminds me of the fine line era suits 🤧

FAV SHOW

Well obviously mine since i got to see him (even tho this mf sang fine line the day before and didn’t do the same for me🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪)

FAVE STAGE INTERACTION

I can’t remember anything anymore and in too lazy to go look for a good one in the middle of all the gender reveals, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend at my grandma’s funeral interactions

But i guess the daddy confirmations were pretty great, and him checking fans out with no shame at all

Also don’t know if this counts as interaction but he was fucking crying already and fidgeting with the mic my baby deserves all the love 🥹🤧

FAV STAGE FUMBLE

Oh it has to be is failed attempt to make us sing a carnaval song in the last show in sao paulo. He literally picked the only song no one remembers existing and then people started singing the wrong song lmao💀 if he had choosen any other song like eva, mila, evidencias literally any other one that stadium would have exploded and we would sing the whole thing

I need to know who suggested that flopped song, it must have been so humiliating to the singer of the song soxoaoakwdoso

FAVE STAGE DUET

Shania twain was great, the one with koffe at my show was really good too oh and lizzo was so fun too

FAVE INTERVIEW

Mmmmmm the bhg if we are talking published ones

If we are talking video ones im sure the zane one was great but I actually didn’t watch i lol so i choose the capitol one because i did watch and i love how he is always so goofy with uk radio interviews

FAV HARRY QUOTE

“I’ve never been in a public relationship”

“Was it an answer? It was words”

“My favourite thing about the movie is that it felt like a movie”

“Like it’s not normal… and you should get help”

“Avec eyepatch”

How can you choose just one from meme king

FAV PHOTOSHOOT

I love the rolling stones and the gucci ones but LOOK AT THIS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAV HARRY PHOTO

Jk, how can i chooooose? Every photo with harry is my favourite photonof harry

FAV FANDOM MEMORY

I have to day all the jokes, memes and posts and the obvious relief on the dash when the curse was broken 💀

I loved being tagged but this felt worse than trying to create a resume sodixiaidixixsiis i hate choosing favourite things

Mmmmm most my friends already got tagged but i want to see @hoesontour @moonchildstyles @theholetour @figinpleather @neattequila @atlafan @justpatches @sophism @guccifloralsuits @sunnypeachyy @starryizzy @tinytulip @cowboysexrobot @adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy if I didn’t tag any other friend you either got tagged already or i have peabrain and literally had to look through my dms to remember everyone’s urls 💀💀💀💀

[otakween]

1-Nensei Charenji - Mirai no Shougakkou Tanken (First Grader Challenge: Future Grade School Expedition)

In today's installment of "Otakween watches everything on MAL", I accidentally watched a 45 minute infomercial, yippee! So, for some backstory, this is on the "#" section of MAL that I'm currently going through but it isn't available anywhere on the internet. I actually ordered the DVD for like 100 yen on Mercari and just got it today. No subs, but it's for kindergarten/first graders so...no subs needed for me. Normally, I'd just skip over something I couldn't find for free, but I have a fascination with homeschooling and curriculum so I was excited to see what that was like in Japan. This is from a company that sends your young child a box in the mail with a bunch of educational materials (some of them remind me of Leapfrog/Leapster) as a regular subscription. Included in those boxes is DVDs like this one I guess. I thought this would just be like an ordinary kids show with some educational stuff baked in (like Dora or something) but nope! It was a full on commercial for the company -_- It kinda pissed me off cuz advertising to children like this is kinda gross. Anyway, full thoughts below! Happy I can check an obscure one of my list :D

Notes:

So the "plot" for this OVA was you have two "good" kids who use Benesse products to prep for first grade and three "lazy" kids who ain't doing squat to prepare. They all go to the future through some random magic artifact (very Doraemon-coded) and see their future selves in first grade. The good kids see how successful they are as first graders but the lazy kids see that they're going to turn into flops if they don't shape up. You see how insidious this is?? The whole plot of this special is "kids, if you don't use our products you'll be a failure in life!!" Gross. (Admittedly the toys look kinda fun tho lol).

Characters are bland and nothing to remark on. Again, the mascot character (Korasho?) is a total Doraemon knock off. He's supposed to be a living randoseru backpack, so that's kinda cute.

In addition to all of the ads I was bombarded with there are two songs on this disc that you can watch in either music video or karaoke mode. Not gonna lie, they're pretty good songs for little kids. One of them is about friendship and the other is about moving on from kindergarten to first grade (emotional)

The thing that made me laugh the most is that they have a (live action) music video of (I guess?) a real kindergarten graduation where they sing the second song mentioned above and it's like the most melodramatic thing I've ever seen. The parents are crying and the kids are crying while singing. They're just moving up one year get a grip!! (jk I'd probably cry if I was a parent). It wasn't really the crying that made me laugh but the fact that they kept zooming in on everyone that cried. Some kids/parents they didn't focus on just looked bored haha

The other (slightly) interesting thing on the disc was a brief message to the adult/parent viewer about first grade pedagogy. As you can imagine, this one was a little harder to understand, but I liked the part with the math teacher. He explained that it's not just important that students spit out answers, they have to tell you why that's the answer too. On a chalkboard he showed his students the different ways that people do mental math and that was neat.

Whelp! I got like 5 other DVDs this one (they came as a bundle) so hopefully they're on MAL. I give this a 4 outta 10 for being a sketchy ad aimed at children >:(

[tjsplace]

jun 21

11.05 am

the feeling in the pit of my stomach is back to haunt me once again. i'm feeling really fucking anxious this morning. i wanna sleep but my bed is uncomfortable and everything hurts when i wake up. fuck it, imma get high. only bearable thing to do right now.

11.28 am

i should wanna write a song. i want to but i'm too scared. scared of the physical pain involved. wrist, throat. i've been smoking too much. scared of not liking anything, it demotivates me so much. there's also the cathartic factor. i don't know if i can handle those feelings right now. i'm too upset. but maybe that'll help me work through it. which is all i wanna do. but i really don't want to get up from my desk, pick up the guitar, the notebook and pen, and sit on the floor. or on my uncomfortable unmade bed. i clearly have a lot to say. i don't wanna put the cigarette down. even though it annoys me. benny just started playing and i actually groaned. it scratches some part of my brain. the thing that annoys me the most about writing a song is that i have to stretch my whole body before doing it. otherwise i risk getting an injury on my wrist again. just because two years ago i got super high with my then band and started jamming and i guess i got too excited and strummed really hard? and also i didn't take care of my wrist properly. i immobilized it for two weeks before going to a doctor. i think i wore nothing for two weeks and then i got an immobilizer two weeks after and i didn't really look after it in, like, a month. i put on the boy ep hoping to get inspired. the songwriting is so good. sometimes i don't agree with a lot of the choices, but i get them. i can't unfreeze myself. i can't defrost my mind. my thoughts go to fast and i can't catch up to them. maybe i'm high but i think i always feel like this. high or not. i'm anxious when i'm lucid, i'm anxious when i'm high. what the fuck is this? i know stretching would make me feel so good right now. but i really want another cigarette. even tho my throat feels sore. i'm drinking water to ease the burn.

12.03 pm

i just wrote lyrics.

12.12 pm

i need so much validation it's insane. i didn't think i was like that anymore. but wow. i had to ask my friend mar if the lyrics i wrote were worthy of putting music to them. why can't i just think they're good? it's not my usual writing style. it's much too honest in a fictional way. mar knows what i mean.

11.13pm

i just watched a youtube video about overthinking. mostly because my roommate pointed out the obvious out loud. i do overthink a lot. sometimes i don't get to catch myself doing it. sometimes i can't stop it. i usually ask myself the whys. why am i unable to quit my vices? why have i never been in a relationship? why am i so fucking insecure? or fat, or ugly, or stupid. untalented, lazy, impatient piece of shit. but also i gotta know when these ruminating thoughts are interfering with the life i'm living. and i know it's a great life, then why am i miserable? no more why. what is it that i can do to feel better? write. i'm doing it. what's next? i'm drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and getting high by myself after doing it with my roommate. the very one who pointed out i'm good at overthinking. only thing i'm good at is the first thought in my mind. do i have to believe it? i don't want to. i know i'm good at a lot of things. i'm not a loser. i'm grateful for the life i have. but sometimes i get so fucking down and it pisses me off.

[zepskies]

@kaleldobrev Oh my God, so first of all, this is AMAZING. Thank you so so much for reviewing the whole series like this!!! 😭😭💓💓💓

Lmao it's absolutely a trip, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the ride!! I'm so excited to dive into your comments, so here we go:

Prologue:

AS SOMEONE WHO WORKS FOR COUNTY GOVERNMENT THIS HIT HOME

LOL yeah I could very much imagine that! 😂

Chapter 1:

^^ This whole fucking exchange was SOLID GOLD - the completely fabricated line was just PERFECT & poor M.M <3

"Solid Gold," you say? 😏

Her friendship with Annie is super cute. I love that Annie is genuinely interested in who she is as a person (as you pointed out)

I felt like Annie would be the first one to readily embrace another woman in the group!

Really excited to read more about her relationship with her sister. I love that reader is doing everything in her power to try and help out her sister get the best freaking education that she can <3

Yeah I modeled this reader as a kind of "female Dean" with certain personality traits and background, so even though you don't see Louisa too much, her "presence" is felt in how the reader makes her choices/motivations.

Chapter 2:

Love the fact that she decided to sing a song that her grandmother used to sing to her when she was kid <3

Sentimentality, family, nostalgia -- these are all themes I played with in this, and as you saw, it later plays in with Ben's background and hidden sentimentality.

^^"He couldn't even pick me up himself? Lazy." - This line made me freaking wheeze

😂 Ben really thinks he's a little king of his own castle, so to speak. Just hand-picking girls to come service him. Little does he know, he's gonna get more than he bargained for. (But really he knows exactly who she is, and is sending her to his room intentionally.)

^^RUH-OH *nervously chuckles*

Yeah Ben's an asshole, but he's not that much of an asshole, if you catch my drift.

Chapter 3:

Oh, Ben's definitely loving her sass. Her fiery personality is probably half the reason he keeps her alive, tbh.

And lmao Butcher was definitely outvoted. The rest of the team likes her too!

Chapter 4:

“Bad girls get punished. Is that what you want, sweetheart?” he asked.  ^^ Oh...no...please don't punish me Ben... ;) ^^ Please punish me though

🤣🤣 Girl same tho. And he was SO long-suffering about having to save her ("being inconvenienced" is exactly what I was going for). But he already likes her spirit.

Chapter 5:

I sense a friendship between her & Frank coming!

Oh yes! Creating the reader x Frank friendship was definitely one of my favorites in this series. 🥲 I actually really took my by surprise how much everyone loved his character (and Loco and Saul).

^^Just really loved this section. Like I said before, even though she got kidnapped by him and his men, Ben seems to be really interested in who she is as a person. "Whatever was keeping him awake, he seemed to crave the company as you rifled through the pantry." This line really spoke to me for some reason

Bottom line: Ben is lonely and suffering PTSD and doesn't want to admit it. She's interesting to him and he doesn't want to admit it. He wants to figure her out and doesn't want to admit it. 😂

The fact he wasn't even fazed when she walked in on him xD

Oh he has absolutely no shame. 😂 In Spanish we call that (and him), "sin vergüenza."

FINALLY SOME CLOTHES THAT FIT HER

IKR? Poor girl. 😂

Chapter 6:

Oof, this one's a doozy.

I'm living for the Frank & Loco dynamic!!! <3

I'm so glad, especially living for the "wishing these guys were on the show" compliment, because that warms me every time I hear it. 🥹🥹 I loved creating Ben's group of henchmen.

Lmfao the "hemorrhoid" line was probably my favorite to write for this chapter.

Ben being super sweet with her at she was almost SA'ed like broke me. This line specifically: You wouldn't know how that small gesture affected him as he carried you out of the kitchen

It's a turning point for her and Ben, for sure. It's a bridge of trust that forms between them, and what we call a "save the cat" moment, showing us that Ben's not as big of an asshole as we thought he was.

And it's a turning point for her and Frank as well, when he opens up to her so that she'll let him treat her wounds and check her out medically.

And then the "cooking together" scene -- I call it their Beauty and the Beast "Something there that wasn't there before" moment. 😂😂

Chapter 7:

^^No words. Just...no words...<3

Not gonna lie, I gave myself secondhand embarrassment several times writing this chapter, but thank you!!! 😂😂

I like the fact that even though he wants to fuck her, he's not pressuring her in any way. He may be "an asshole," but at least he doesn't push

And here's my reasoning on that. Ben grew up in the 30s/40s, a much more conservative time overall, societally. Arguably more "respectful," if rigid in societal roles between men and women.

But also, I think it would be a point of pride with Ben -- that he doesn't "need" to push, because why should he when he can have another woman in a heartbeat? (Or at least, that's how he might justify it to himself. Not because he respects her and genuinely likes her or anything. 😘)

^^Loved that he acknowledged this and tried to fix it right away, making sure that he wasn't hurting her (because that's the last thing he wants to do because deep down, he really does care about her even if he's not outwardly saying it)

Exactly. There's a lot of things he won't "outwardly say" before the end loll, but it starts here.

I loved their whole sex scene. It was a good mixture of sexy and humorous

Thank you!! I had fun with it, even though it was challenging for me, as every smut scene is for me. 😅 I like how this one came together though, so I'm glad you did too! 💕

Chapter 8:

^^Looks like they're starting to fall for each other <3

Ahh yes, though neither one would admit it if their lives depended on it. 😂

I really loved the dynamic between Ben and her in this one. I liked that there's some push and pull between them. Giving them little glimpses, but at the same time, still hiding certain things because of the vulnerability that it provides. I especially loved when he shared his favorite thing about his mother - her voice. I think that's why he's very intrigued by reader (at least that's the impression I'm getting)

There's a lot of give and take right? Thank you for mentioning "vulnerability," because that's what they're dipping into here, two steps forward, one step back. And I'm glad you like the connection with his mother and the reader, as that's probably one of the only people in Ben's life that he truly loved. So it's subliminally drawing ties for him from the reader to his mother -- especially through her voice.

Chapter 9:

Oh ALL the mixed feelings in this chapter, I get it. 😂 Who tf do you root for in this situation?

And yes, Ben is seriously catching feelings and his actions show it, even if the reader can't tell just yet.

Chapter 10:

^^This made me a lot sadder than I thought it would. Cause she made such a connection with him and here he is in a cooler DEAD. And Ben is just sitting here like, "oh yeah they're...busy...." cause Ben sure as fuck knows that she's gonna be so freaking upset if she finds out

You get it! Exactly. 😭😭

^^BECAUSE SHE'S FALLING FOR YOU, YOU IDIOT

Facts, girl. And Ben's a huge dummy in this chapter. 😂 But he's hurt and lashing out, as injured pride does.

Ben walking in on her sleeping and see her basically fighting for her life when she was dreaming just broke my heart

Ugh, it was hard to write that scene tbh. I debated whether I should have her wake up and find him in her room, but I liked the idea of him comforting her without knowing he was there.

I think it gives us as readers more heartbreak when she remains icy with him later on in the plane, and Ben seems to be his usual asshole self about it. Like "we know how you really feel motherfucker. Why are you being like this?!"

Meanwhile, Butcher had appeared on the tarmac. With a rocket launcher, naturally.  ^^laughed out loud at this one

Lmfao I loved writing Butcher in this, tbh. He's a gem of a character. (And by "gem" I mean deeply fucked in the head, just like SB.)

Chapter 11:

Jon is father of the year honestly (sarcasm obviously)

Ugh, Jon was the worst. I based him off John Winchester, though obviously a much worse one, with far more physical and psychological abuse up his sleeve.

They may be in prison but at least they have each other!

Right? 😂 They're totally fucked, but at least they're together.

I'm gonna miss Frank <3 he was one of my favs

Hehee. 😏

Their little fucking jokes to each other killed me xD

Hahaha I love that you loved it!! I had so much fun with that part, esp the "6 afraid of 7" joke.

When he asked her to sing *SWOON* he truly does love her voice. I love the fact that singing is something that seems to make him feel better cause that's what he remembers his mother doing <3

Thank you so much for shouting out this dynamic. 😭😭 This was one of my favorite things about their relationship and connection.

Chapter 12:

^^I couldn't agree more. Yes he may be an asshole at times but he's not a bad guy (maybe a little misguided sometimes but he's not an awful person). From what I learned through school and my job, people react to trauma differently

So this is just my take on Ben's character, but I think his trauma (tortured for 40 years) actually softened him. I think before 1984, he was probably a massive asshole. Literally the original of asshole supes, selfish, prideful, violent (i.e. Black Noir), male ego at its worst.

The entire Payback team was scared of him. They didn't want to get on his bad side (or "get in his way"). He strut around like the king of his own kingdom, the big swinging dick in the room at all times.

...And yet, he let himself be manipulated by Vought because he enjoyed the fame and the money and the false power it gave him. (Hence Stan Edgar's "true power" monologue with Annie.)

But I think those 40 years gave him a lot to think about. And I think the reader's sympathy and relating to him gave him a reason to soften for her.

“Suck on my balls, sweetheart,” he retorted. He cocked his head to the side.  “Oh wait, you did. Last Tuesday.”  You glared at him with a hot blush spreading across your face. That was not, in fact, last Tuesday. But you didn’t rise to his bait. ^^I almost spat my fucking drink out xD

LMFAO and then we have moments like this. 🤣🤣

I'M SORRY FRANK?! *hello plot twist!!!!*

Hahahaa yess, I love a plot twist! 😜

Frank: "I ain't dead yet!!"

Chapter 13:

“Young lady. I don’t like that,” she said, with all due side eye.  “You don’t like anything, Mother,” you quipped. ^^busted out laughing at this

Lmfao the classic "conservative mom."

Frank huffed. “I think the kids are calling it Frenemies with Benefits.”  ^^Gotta love Frank "trying" to help

Hahaaa oh Frank. He really gives no fucks. 🤣

Chapter 14:

“Alert the media,” you said. “We’ve got the ultimate weapon against Soldier Boy: a slow ride on his dick.” ^^ANOTHER GREAT FUCKING LINE

LOLL "Alert the media" was probably my favorite for this chapter. 🤣

Ben and her had such a lovely morning together getting it on in the kitchen and now they're arguing about the logistics of kid supes being a threat or not because they're supes (Ben you are a supe too my guy, people would consider you a threat - that's real "the pot calling the kettle black")

Oh majorly! But that's kind of his point. He's a supe and he knows he's dangerous. Supes are fair game to him, in a sense, which is part of the reason why he's taken pains to control his strength with her. It's a double standard she calls him out on.

^^I don't know why, but this section really spoke to me

I'm so glad it did! Even now, Ben's struggling to figure her out and how she sees him.

Chapter 15:

Cigars have such a special place in my heart. Even though I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, I like the smell of cigar smoke because my Pop Pop loved his cigars and the smell or mention of them always reminds me of him <3 so this little piece of Ben and her "sharing" the cigar got me all warm and fuzzy <3

Aww I love that so much! Cigars are nostalgic for sure. 🥹

Chapter 16:

This is the first time I've genuinely felt bed for Jon. I'll give him credit, he really did try and fix things in the end (but it was little too late sadly). Happy that he admitted that she was strong "in spite of him" <3

Yeesss I'm glad I was able to achieve that (for the drama of it all). but yeah it was very "day late dollar short." The "in spite of him" line was probably my second favorite line for this chapter, just for how it highlights what the reader as overcome in her life (her inner strength vs. Ben's).

The fact that she has a piece of rebar in her should and she's the one asking are you okay made me laugh so fucking hard like girl (to be fair, I'd the same way xD)

Lmao ever the "giver" mentality. 😂

^^"What would the love of my life do in this moment" is just icing on the cake for me <3

Haha oh Ben, he's trying at least! 😅

“You are strong. You can do anything you want, you know,” you said, smiling wryly. “Including, being a better man.”  ^^No...I'm not crying....(yes i'm tearing up)

And that one was my actual favorite line to write for this chapter. 🥹🥹🥹

PS. Yes, I did catch your Captain America reference <3

Hahaa yesss!! ❤️💙🤍

Chapter 17:

Love a little Hughie & Butcher moment <3

I had to include it! 🥹 I love their broship.

^^It started out as character development and then turned into, "I need to save the woman I love" and I don't know how to feel

You were meant to be conflicted there loll. 😂 On one hand, great that he's actually thinking of her wishes. But also he doesn't want to let her die. He's trying to make the best of a bad situation, before Frank hits him with the ultimate choice...

HE'S DONATING HIS BLOOD TO HER HOLYYYYYY

You are a hero Ben <3

Isn't he though? Holding up the Tower was just Part 1 of his hero test. this was the true ultimate test: what he's willing to sacrifice (letting a public hospital have his DNA so he can save her life).

^^MY HEART. I just *heart eyes* They really are going to be living that apple pie life together uh? <3

They really are! ...Well, after they get some emotional relationship hurdles jumped in the last chapter. 😅

The Epilogue:

^^BEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CALL HER YOUR GIRLFRIEND

IKR? What a dick. But he has his reasons as you saw (understandable ones, but not excuses that he can't overcome for her sake).

The fact that she asked if he even loved her cause he hasn't said in once in the entire time they've known each other really breaks my heart cause like he truly, really does love her. But what kills me is he thinks that buying her stuff is what love is (at least from what I'm reading) also breaks my heart cause like, that's what he's used to growing up in such a rich household. Love is more than buying things for someone and living with them

Absolutely! 😭 This is the crux of it. Ben's learning that love is more than just your actions, and it's not just material or where you live. It's your words as well.

“Nah, man,” he said ruefully. “That’s true motherfuckin’ love.” ^^See, MM gets it xD

And he just about sums up the whole series! 😂😂

^^There's a lot to unpack here before this statement: I can see his point because in his own weird way he did love Crimson Countess and she royally fucked him over. He thought that she loved him back and she didn't, out of fear/fame (like you had stated and the show clearly showed as well), and his father also told him how much of a disappointment he was so he really didn't know what actual love was until he met her. And I think that really scares him, that someone actually does love him despite everything that he has done and actually gave him a fucking chance. Someone that knows there's actual honest to God good in him

"He didn't really know what love was until he met her." <- That's exactly it. And it does scare him, that she genuinely sees him for himself, and wants to be with him anyway. He realizes now what a massive thing it is for someone to love him. And he's just as scared to lose her one day.

^^This fucking got me xD also, the idea of Ben wearing a condom makes me fucking laugh and I have no idea why

Because it's preposterous. 🤣🤣 Ben's got literally no shame, and don't give a fuck. But she knew what she was getting into with him. 😂😂

Final Thoughts:

This whole series was a fucking roller coaster and I enjoyed every single minute of it. The way you write Ben just seems so organic and really true to his character. The character development didn't seem out of nowhere. There was actual reasoning toward the way he feels and the actions that he did. You could see how slowly the two of them started to feel comfortable with each other and how they were both hesitant to do so.

Thank you, my love!! 💞💞 I started writing Ben with "Checkerboard." But I didn't truly feel like I had my interpretation of the character solidified until maybe chapter 4 or 5, to be honest. I revised these chapters so many times I lost count of the versions, all to try and make sure I had his voice, his characterization, his mannerisms as close as possible to what we saw on the show. And the pacing of their slow-burn relationship as believable as possible in the "enemies to lovers" dynamic.

One of my favorite character developments was him giving her a blood transfusion instead of the Temp V because he knew that was something she wouldn't have wanted. "He respected her wishes," I think was the line, and it made me happy to see that. They may not have the most perfect relationship but no relationship is perfect.

Yes that was the line! And that was what I thought his ultimate test of realizing what the reader was trying to tell him in Chapter 9, about collateral damage and taking responsibility for his strength. And if you care about her, prove it.

Their relationship is "perfectly imperfect." Perfect for them and what they are together as deeply flawed people.

You really made me wish that Frank & Loco were characters on the TV show because their vibes were just perfect. They really fit in <3

Aww thank you, lovely!! Like I said, I absolutely love this compliment, and it's high praise for side characters. One of my favorite writing tips I've ever gotten is "write minor characters like they are the protagonist of their own stories." So that's what I try to do. 🥰

And I'm also happy that not only Ben and her got a happy ending but Frank did too as he was finally able to go home to his daughter <3

Yes! Absolutely proper closer for Frank. Because let's be honest, he's the real hero of the story. 🤣🤣

Thank you again for reading and reviewing this massive beast of a story. It's one of my favorites that I've been able to create on here, and I'm so fucking glad you enjoyed it. 💓💓💓

Series Masterlist - Break Me Down

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female Reader

Summary: You’re a private investigator by trade, but now you happily sit at a desk — leading a surveillance team at Supe Affairs. After managing to end Homelander in New York, Soldier Boy escapes custody. You are recruited for the manhunt, joining Butcher’s team.

Truly, you joined the S.A. for the right reasons. But after you become his accidental hostage, Soldier Boy will break down every single one of them…

AN: For those of you who enjoyed “Checkerboard,” here’s the requested prequel series! It’s gonna be a long road to get to that version of Soldier Boy. Technically this is an AU set post-season 3.

Series Tags/Warnings: **Rated M. (18+ only.) Enemies to frenemies to lovers. Angsty, messy, moral quandaries galore. This is a romance, but it’s a dark world with morally gray and dark characters, including Soldier Boy, of course. **Smut, language, misogyny, violence, and other chapter-specific tags.

Chapters:

Prologue

Part 1 - The Game Begins

Part 2 - You Move Me, Baby

Part 3 - Somewhere Down Below

Part 4 - On the Inside Out

Part 5 - Morning, Night & Day

Part 6 - A Hot Meal

Part 7 - Until Midnight

Part 8 - Something in the Way

Part 9 - Breach

Part 10 - Caught in the Balance

Part 11 - The Lion's Den

Part 12 - All Your Wicked Ways

Part 13 - A Generous Deal

Part 14 - Safe House

Part 15 - The Tower

Part 16 - Soldier Boy

Part 17 - More Than Words Can Say

Epilogue - All My Living Time

Series Complete!

Read More In the BMD-Verse:

Not done reading this version of Soldier Boy x Reader? Well, there's more to their story.

(**Denotes 18+ only)

Love Actually** Ben gets in late on Christmas Eve with a Grinch-like attitude, but you’re determined to force some holiday cheer into his system.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 - Complete

Checkerboard** You’re not a supe. You’re breakable. Soldier Boy sometimes forgets that.

Strong As Blood** - (Soldier Boy x Reader) After you accidentally break through a solid wood table, you know there’s something wrong with you. You begin to have your suspicions, but can you keep it from Ben long enough to find out? 

(In other words: This is the story of how you and Ben discover that you’re pregnant.)

Part 1 || Part 2 - Complete

Moodboard below created by @chernayawidow:

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Tag List:

Comment below or send me an ask if you'd like to be tagged on future one-shots in this series! And want to be tagged on more stuff (like everything Soldier Boy)?

Here's my Tag List.

[practically-an-x-man]

Author asks!

1, 3, 5, 6, 14, 16 (tho I don't know what it's really asking), 24

thank you bestie!! you're amazing!!

answers under the cut as usual:

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

... A lot of them, actually. I have so many things planned that I just don't feasibly have the time to write at the moment - I already have 8 or 9 WIPs going and I need to close a few of them before I start on another story. But I've probably got a dozen different ideas planned out that I just don't have time to put on the page yet

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Usually front-to-back, but if I get stuck on a certain part I'll just bracket it for later and jump to the next section, then fill in the gaps when I come back

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

Honestly speaking, I think the project I'm working on now has surprised me a bit. it was supposed to be more OC-centric as an analysis of how nightmares become dreams, but the Corinthian's taken on a lot larger of a role than I expected (probably because he's my favorite character). But it surprised me in a good way, I'm actually really pleased with it!

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

I sometimes wish I could go back and rewrite some of the earlier chapters of A Love Once New, since my writing style has evolved a lot since then. But it would be a lot of chapters to rewrite, which is time I simply don't have, and I prefer to keep it as it is to remind myself of how much I've improved

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Not really (I'm too lazy to put playlists together lol), but the fics kinda end up as their own playlists because of how important music is in my life. I think just about every single one of my fics is related to music in some way. 2 of them feature characters that are musicians, 4 (plus the new WIP) have either chapters or full titles after song lyrics, and at least 2 of them have significant themes or developments regarding music. If you gathered all the songs I've mentioned in my fics, it would be a very interest playlist, to say the least.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

I'm not really sure what this is asking either. Not sure what to say.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

I already knew a fair bit about Egyptian mythology but it was definitely enhanced by writing Who Waits Forever Anyway?, same thing for the psychology and neuroscience mentioned in Smoke and Mirrors. As far as a whole "previously knew nothing about", I did a fair amount of research on engineering for Catch and Release, and I definitely didn't know much about it before.

The thing is, I'm very comfortable doing research, but writing is also the most fun for me when I already know at least a little about the topics at hand. So this one's a bit of both - I already knew a little, but I definitely learned a lot more for the sake of the story

[rocketdive]

mcr/bmth report (kinda)

wall of text under cut

also no, this wasn’t we were young fest 

queueing so i can think about it later

mcr finally happened after hanging on to those tickets for 2 years

Honestly was not expecting them to be so incredibly good live, idk what i was thinking

i also went to do something on the way to the concert and ran into someone i kinda know

ootd: (when you wanna be a nerd at 6pm, but have an mcr concert to attend at 7:30 pm)

too lazy embarrassed to do emo makeup in public

also fuck when i got to the venue i probably chose the longest line for the loo and the slowest merch line

really wanted to get that bag (and i did)

got a bag for me bag as well

talked myself out of getting a shirt tho

was it worth 1.5 hrs tho 

literally was in the merch line for both openers

also me yelling at one of the dudes to get the plastic merch bag XD ...because he was about to refuse it 

when i finally found my seat, at least the girl in front of me was totally rocking out / seemed pretty cool even tho we didn’t talk

we didn’t get gerard way’s fashion show (i think???) for my date, but dad hat came out

also i am not used to his speaking voice

Gerard way has some absolutely feral screams

^ an entire mood

He had some programming thing to add microphone effects, which was cool

Also the whole time i was just like…. I’m also in the same room as frank and mikey and ray!!!!!!

(lmao finally seeing thee mikey fucking way in the flesh)

Ray jumping around

Ray kneeling while doing his guitar thing at the end

There was that one song where gerard was trying to get ray to sing along as well

we also sang happy birthday

stoked that we got vampires for that date

Backdrop changed 3 times? There was 1st to curtain drop reveal of the backdrop, and then lights on for the backdrop

ALSO HOLY I DIDN’T REALIZE THE ENTIRE SET WAS 20 SONGS NO WONDER IT FELT SO LONG

didn’t run into my brother’s ex lmaooooo

honestly was kinda saving energy for bmth / made the wrong shoe choice and entered me back hurty time :c

          anyhoos

bmth was really good

like REALLY good

i think that might be an understatement

tb very h i enjoyed bmth more than mcr

their video was ON POINT

Like at points they instructed the crowd to form a pit or sit down

"Illegal substances are strictly prohibited, please consume them immediately" (something along those lines)

honestly really glad that my friend was being an enabler / & that i actually went

Was watching some recording of the NY show and they didn’t have confetti to open

Also the confetti was heart shaped (but i couldn’t tell from where i was)

And then red streamer confetti during throne

at some point, oli acquired a light up devil horn headband and he put it on

It also flashed

Oh apparently oli had bloody makeup or something but obvs couldn’t see it

the girl next to me was really cool! and peeps in front of me were totally vibing

Can you feel my heart into happy song is such a mood

Ngl, the newer songs / post that’s the spirit were kinda…weaker with the crowd

Except maybe teardrops? Dear diary? Maybe parasite eve?

Sandpit turtle shadow moses was so good live

Kingslayer was a rave / literally oli calling it a rave song

Also not me and temp concert buddy doing the babymetal parts of the chorus lmaooooooooooo

Accidentally butt recorded most of diamonds

Also wtf they played diamonds

(i cannot remember lyrics part 65431235768767)

Follow me was acoustic

Lgbtq flag ^

Forgot which song towards the end, oli was telling people to get on each other’s shoulders

Mosh pit for knocked loose was just as described/expected

Literally first song starts and their vocalist is calling for a pit

imo, GA went harder in the pit during KL than bmth

i’m going to put “saw kl live and was completely ok” on my resume

ok coz everyone talks about how ridiculously chaotic kl is, to make an analogy in terms of spice tolerance level, -> handling the spice level is not an issue for me, it’s just not a flavor i really like or dislike, but also a flavor that i would be ambivalent about/wouldn’t mind trying again IF it just happened to present itself to me (as in, i wouldn’t go seeking it out, but would be down if it was just readily there)

Honestly the pits during bmth looked weaker than the ones for KL

esp the one where oli was doing the whole “PUSH IT BACK YOU PUSSIES”

(also for the record i did not get a GA/pit ticket because i am a pansy / was recovering from mcr/ I’M GETTING OLD)

i didn’t realize Grandson was so openly political

I think some dude in a wheelchair crowdsurfed during his set?

Siiickbrain had some pretty sick vocals / screams

10/10 would do it again