#i was FULLY convinced that part was actually true until i got to the last page of the book where the discussion questions were

[stevethehairington]

first book of 2024 = finished woooohoooo!!!!

[dumb-ster-fire]

Inner Circle Banter x fem! reader - Part 2

Azriel x mate!reader

a/n: I saw how people loved the first one so I made another.Here is more unhinged Y/N 🫶🏻

warnings: NSFW language

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Inner Circle was a mess. A hilarious, drunken mess.

Y/N lounged on the couch, her head thrown back in laughter as Cassian dramatically slurred his way through a story that had long since lost any coherent plot. Mor was draped over Amren—who, despite being the smallest among them, was somehow holding her liquor the best—while Rhys was slumped back in his chair, lazily swirling the wine in his glass as if he were still trying to uphold some dignity. Feyre was giggling into her own drink, her cheeks flushed, while Nesta sat beside her, eyes glassy but still managing to look unimpressed.

Azriel? Oh, Azriel was leaning against Y/N, his usually composed self utterly gone as he pressed his face into her shoulder, murmuring something unintelligible. His shadows were sluggish, barely responding to him, as if even they were drunk.

“I love you,” he mumbled against her skin, voice thick with alcohol.

Y/N grinned, poking his cheek. “I know, Az. You told me five times already. And then you tried to fight Cassian because he ‘breathed too close to me.’”

Cassian, still dramatically sprawled over the arm of the couch, scoffed. “I was breathing! What was I supposed to do? Stop??”

Azriel lifted his head slightly, his hazel eyes narrowing. “Maybe.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep from laughing, her fingers brushing through his hair as he huffed and nuzzled closer again, clearly deciding he was too drunk to keep arguing.

Rhys, ever the instigator, lazily gestured between them. “You two are disgustingly cute. It’s offensive.”

“Bold words from a man who practically worships the ground Feyre walks on,” Y/N shot back, smirking.

Feyre laughed, elbowing her mate. “She’s got you there.”

Meanwhile, Mor had somehow convinced Amren to take another shot, which resulted in Amren standing on the table, proclaiming in her small but fierce voice, “I was a GOD before any of you existed!” before promptly sitting back down like nothing happened.

Nesta, watching all of this unfold, slowly took another sip of her drink. “I hate all of you.”

Cassian slung an arm around her shoulders, grinning sloppily. “You love us.”

Y/N, still cuddling a very tipsy Azriel, raised her glass. “To being an absolute disaster!”

The Inner Circle cheered—or, in Azriel’s case, just hummed sleepily against her shoulder—as they all drank, fully embracing the chaos of the night.

Mor, absolutely hammered, slumped against the couch with a lazy smirk as she eyed Y/N and Azriel. “So, Y/N,” she slurred, twirling the last bit of wine in her glass, “is Azriel your type?”

Y/N, equally drunk but ever the menace, grinned wickedly, barely missing a beat. “Ah, yes,” she said dramatically, lifting her hands like she was painting a masterpiece. “Gentle and loving but also will choke and spit on me… chef’s kiss.”

Silence. Then absolute chaos.

Cassian howled with laughter, nearly falling off the couch, pounding his fist against the armrest. Rhysand actually choked on his drink, eyes wide in stunned amusement. Feyre’s face turned a deep shade of red, trying so hard not to spit out her wine. Even Nesta looked momentarily stunned before she smirked behind her glass.

Mor gasped, covering her mouth before dissolving into uncontrollable giggles. “Oh my gods, I love you,” she wheezed, slapping Y/N’s thigh.

Azriel? Poor, poor Azriel.

The male had been lazily leaning against Y/N, all content and warm in his drunken haze—until that. His entire body tensed, and his head snapped toward her, his hazel eyes wide as if she had just announced their sex life to the entire continent.

“Y/N,” he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, his ears tinged red.

“What?” she giggled, batting her lashes at him. “It’s true.”

Cassian, still cackling, wiped a tear from his eye. “Brother, you are so screwed.”

“Literally,” Mor added between snickers.

Rhys, who had finally recovered, grinned like a cat who had just been given the juiciest piece of gossip. “So, Az, anything you’d like to confirm or deny?”

Azriel glared daggers at him, but before he could even attempt to salvage his dignity, Y/N leaned in, her drunk mischief on full display, whispering against his ear, “Don’t worry, babe, I didn’t tell them about the rope this time.”

Azriel let out a long sigh, leaning fully back against the couch, clearly accepting his fate.

Meanwhile, Mor lifted her glass. “To Azriel being the perfect balance of soft and filthy!”

The Inner Circle cheered, and Y/N—still smug and delightfully tipsy—leaned back against her mate, smirking like the absolute menace she was.

Azriel was suffering.

Not in the way he had suffered on battlefields, or through centuries of pain and shadowy burdens. No, this was an entirely new kind of torture—one that involved his mate being an absolute menace, his so-called family reveling in his humiliation, and him being too drunk to properly shut any of it down.

Y/N, meanwhile, was thriving.

She was still perched in his lap, looking far too pleased with herself, while the Inner Circle continued their drunken revelry. Cassian, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, still wasn’t over it. “Choke and spit on me,” he wheezed, practically collapsing into Nesta, who rolled her eyes but was biting back a smirk. “That was legendary.”

“I mean, it’s good to know he meets expectations,” Mor teased, swirling her drink.

Rhys, ever the opportunist, lounged back with a smirk that screamed trouble. “You know, I always suspected Az had a secret wild side. But this?” He exhaled, shaking his head. “This is delightful confirmation.”

Azriel groaned, dropping his head against the back of the couch. He’d faced wars with more dignity than this.

Y/N, full of unholy glee, kissed his cheek again. “You love me,” she sing-songed, absolutely insufferable.

Azriel lifted his head, fixing her with a look that was equal parts fond and exasperated. “…I do.”

Cassian let out a dramatic gasp. “Oh shit, he admitted it. In front of witnesses. It’s over for him.”

Feyre, shaking with silent laughter, raised a brow at Az. “Honestly, I didn’t expect this side of you.”

“I hate this side of me,” Azriel muttered, reaching for his drink as if that would somehow erase the conversation.

Y/N, with the biggest shit-eating grin, leaned in again, whispering just for him, “Liar. You love that I’m saying this in front of them.”

Azriel, deadpan, took a very long sip of his drink.

Mor smirked at Y/N. “So, when are you teaching me how to get a mate to be the perfect mix of sweet and depraved?”

Y/N, without hesitation, threw an arm around Azriel’s shoulders, smirking. “Step one: Find a stoic, broody male with a secret filthy side. Step two: Break him.”

Cassian actually howled at that, nearly falling off the couch. Rhys was howling too, wiping at his eyes. “Oh fuck, she got you so good, brother.”

Azriel just sat there, silently suffering, as Y/N nuzzled into him, smug and victorious.

And, gods help him—he did love her for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night only spiraled further into chaos.

Cassian, still wheezing from laughter, slammed a hand down on the table. “Alright, alright—we have to make this official.”

Y/N perked up in Azriel’s lap. “Make what official?”

“The breaking of Azriel,” Cassian declared grandly, gesturing wildly with his half-empty glass of whiskey. “For centuries, he was the untouchable, brooding mystery. Silent, deadly, repressed.” He pointed at Y/N with the authority of a drunk philosopher. “And then you showed up and turned him into a man who admits his feelings, growls at people who look at you too long, and—” He paused dramatically. “—is apparently a choking enthusiast.”

Azriel groaned and buried his face in Y/N’s shoulder, while Mor cackled, Nesta snorted into her wine, and Rhysand grinned like the bastard he was.

“You make it sound like I did witchcraft on him,” Y/N teased, idly playing with Azriel’s hair.

Cassian pointed again. “I knew there was something supernatural about you.” He turned to Feyre, suddenly serious. “Feyre, paint a picture of Az’s descent into sin.”

“Please don’t,” Azriel muttered into Y/N’s shoulder.

Feyre, biting back a smirk, tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I could capture his internal struggle—the battle between his old, broody self and the broken man who now worships at the altar of his mate’s chaos.”

Rhys beamed. “That’s art.”

Azriel groaned louder.

Y/N, full of mischief and absolutely loving this, turned and whispered against his ear, “You do worship at my altar, don’t you?”

Azriel lifted his head just enough to give her a look—one that promised payback. But she only grinned wider, completely unrepentant.

“Alright, final proof that Az has been fully corrupted,” Mor said, raising her glass. “Y/N, what’s the filthiest thing he’s ever said to you?”

Azriel straightened immediately. “Nope.”

Y/N tapped a finger against her lips, pretending to think. “Hmm… Oh! There was that one time—”

“Y/N,” Az warned, voice low and dark.

Y/N, completely ignoring the danger, continued, “—where he told me exactly how he planned to—”

Azriel moved.

One second, Y/N was sitting in his lap, the next, he had her thrown over his shoulder like she weighed nothing. She let out a surprised yelp, then laughed, pounding a playful fist against his back. “Az! Put me down!”

“Nope,” he said simply, standing up. “Goodnight, everyone.”

“BOOOOOO,” Cassian and Mor jeered in unison.

“Coward!” Rhys added.

“At least let her finish the story!” Nesta called after them.

But Azriel was already carrying Y/N out of the room, ignoring every taunt, Y/N still giggling and squirming in his hold.

“Azriel, you love me!” she sing-songed again, clinging onto him as he walked.

He gave her a firm smack on the ass, making her yelp. “Oh, I know.”

And then, to the Inner Circle’s absolute delight, Y/N’s laughter echoed down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel had barely taken three steps down the hall, Y/N still slung over his shoulder, when she purred, "You know I love it when you spank me."

He froze.

The Inner Circle-who had definitely not left yet

-erupted.

Cassian nearly fell out of his chair. "OH MY GODS!"

Mor howled. "| KNEW IT!"

Rhysand, the absolute bastard, actually clapped.

"Confirmed!"

Nesta just rolled her eyes, sipping her wine. "Of course she does."

Azriel, who had thought he was saving himself from further embarrassment, had severely underestimated Y/N.

Y/N, still hanging over his shoulder, giggled and wiggled her hips just to tease him. "Mmm, and you do it so well, Shadowsinger."

Azriel gripped her thighs harder, his shadows curling around them in warning. "Y/N," he growled lowly.

But she just smirked. "Are you blushing, love?"

Cassian lost it. "OH MY GODS, HE TOTALLY IS!"

Azriel let out a slow breath, then, very calmly— very deliberately-adjusted his grip and smacked Y/N's ass again.

The sharp gasp she let out made the room go dead silent.

Then she let out a little pleased hum, wiggling again. "See? Told you I loved it."

Azriel vanished them in shadows before anyone could scream again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[appleflavoredkitkats]

do you have any headcanons on what russell went through during his time with the utopians?

HELLO ISSY!! im in the middle of plotting my version of ivywood so i have SOME things... but not everything is fully fleshed out! here r some of them (under the cut!)

since it's sort of implied that russell's been raised there since birth/childhood, i feel like his parents only joined because they were struggling financially, which the utopians would have aided

i do think russell would have HATED the strict regulations at a young age. like obviously, he would still grow to adapt to some things (ie. desperate need to prove himself worthy, because the utopians would have deprived that of their followers) but to me, russell is just too much of a curious child. he wouldn't have kept his curiosities at bay, especially since he loved learning about more mind-boggling things like cryptic codes, linguistics, the human brain, etc. at a young age

i think this guy! would have been a very lonely child! esp since he's austistic and trans! since he's afab, i feel like his autism diagnosis would have come in late (like maybe 10 years old?) and that's the same time he would have realized he was trans. so he basically became a disappointment amongst the utopians. like parents would tell their kids that russell would be the child NOT to imitate u get me

but i feel like as much as i think russell would come out of this with insecurities, i think his pride is one of the reasons that got him out of there in the first place? and i mean, call him egotistical all you want, but the last thing russell would want to do is doubt his capabilities because that's EXACTLY what the utopians would have wanted.

in my version of ivywood, i made "once upon a crime" happen AFTER "wild wild death" because i hc that trevor neuman was responsible for russell's interest in psychology. but don't get it twisted, he doesn't rlly like the kid- rather, the higher-ups in utopia saw potential in his intelligence and wanted to profit off of that. to me, russell might have possibly made the foundations for their brainwashing mechanism, but russell himself doesn't realize that it actually works

i do think russell was genuinely close to his parents, although they don't get along all the time because the two are depressed servants of the cult. i do think russell would have had a closer bond to his mother though. i'd like to think she actually helped russell escape at 16. the only reason she didn't go with him was because she wanted to convince jupiter to go with her, but he adamantly refused out of fear.

the higher-ups definitely knew that caroline (russell's mom) assisted his escape and so they would have murdered her and framed it as an accident. when this happened, they utilized jupiter's grief to make him stay in utopia even longer.

after hearing news about his mom's death, russell would have sneakily watched the funeral from afar. that's when he received the note that says he has nowhere to hide.

i need to flesh this out even more, but i definitely think russell reached out to the pbpd after he escaped. i think it would be funny if andrea assigned frank to look after him, at least up until russell finds a secure job to move out lol. there is a reason these two are at each other's throats all the time !

to return to the utopians though, i genuinely think that the fact russell was raised in a cult fucked up his sense of identity and vulnerability, in a sense that. this mfker HATES showing his true self to anyone in fear of it being used against him. his flirty, manipulative mask is definitely just. a mask. because it's a survival skill he developed after escaping !

moreover i do think he gets impostor syndrome sometimes because as much as he's a genuinely prideful person, sometimes he thinks he feels the need to grab everyone's attention because he was so deprived of it when he was young. so sometimes he does have to grapple with that, because he HATES thinking that a part of him is still disgustingly utopian

[gothcatgirlfriend]

undertale yellow spoilers!

spoilers for the end of undertale yellow's no mercy route, neutral route, and major parts of pacifist. please do not read if you do not wish to be spoiled. you have been warned.

i apologize for any possible inaccuracies. i tried to be as accurate as possible by rewatching cutscenes, but there's always a chance i got things wrong. it also might be a bit rambly because i wrote them as messages. still, i have a lot of thoughts on this decision undertale yellow made, which i'd like to believe i backed with solid evidence. and in the end, it is only my opinion. i'd just like to have my point of view seen.

so, in regards to martlet and undertale yellow's no mercy route:

i think martlet is the perfect choice as no mercy's last stand, actually.

in undertale, it's sans, and yeah, he shows that he's menacing no matter what route you're on, but for the most part he comes off as a goofy slacker with some mysteries.

it's the fact that the player drives him to the state where he has to do something, because they're on a killing spree with nobody spared, literally. and he reveals that he's actually been working hard on all the time anomaly shenanigans behind the scenes that make sans such a good character to be the last defense between the player and asgore (until flowey kills him, and then the player kills flowey, and then chara kills the player...)

with undertale yellow, martlet is a very optimistic and genuine person. she's a bit of an airhead, but she still tries her best as a member of the royal guard. all the other major bosses fight clover in pacifist for reasons such as mistaking clover for the blue soul believing to be tracked down by them and defending themselves (dalv), blaming clover for their ruined relationships and believing that bringing in their soul themselves will repair their reputation (starlo), and of course, requiring clover's soul in a last-ditch effort to save their daughter from being at death's door (ceroba).

martlet is literally going by protocol. she's following the rules to the letter, and gets confused when clover refuses to attack, not even doing so herself before she gets to the part where she's allowed to. and the part where clover insults her behavior as a royal guard is where she falters and decides to spare clover, because it's true. her best isn't enough for them. the royal guard is under asgore's rule to take human's souls for monsterkind, but that isn't enough for her to finish the job.

this is where you keep in mind martlet and chujin's conversation that clover sees in the no mercy route. her mentor, that she admired and was close to, is extremely cautious of humans due to the incident with the blue soul. but even after knowing the damage they can cause, she has hope that not all of them are bad, as she'll say in no mercy herself.

so that's why in no mercy, when clover is delivering their twisted sense of justice and killing every monster they can, she knows she has to stop them. in the first encounter, after she realizes clover is the culprit, she tosses the guide book and puts everything she's got into the fight. but that, just as well, isn't enough. she has to retreat because they're too powerful, even though clover could continue their rampage. but still, after almost dying to them, she tries to convince them to end the violence because she wants to believe that they have an ounce of sympathy for their victims.

if no mercy is aborted, when clover meets her on the roof, she throws away the determination serum she picked up from the lab just like in regular neutral. because she sees that, at least in one instance, they didn't choose murder. and that's good enough for her. that's all it takes, even if flowey goes in for the kill and martlet blames clover. she only goes so far to do so in her dying moments, and because flowey purposefully hid in the shadows, so how would she know it wasn't them?

when no mercy is fully initiated, she doesn't even instigate the combat; clover does. they're so trigger-happy that they waste no time. and at that point she has to use the last weapon monsterkind has to prevent clover from reaching asgore. she waited until the last moment, hoping clover would change their mind. but when there's no hope for them, she harnesses that determination to become the most powerful monster in the underground, the zenith of monsterkind. she'll wield the determination to deliver justice unto clover.

even if it kills her.

[blackjackkent]

Quick camp chats before heading out on the road again. (I'm thinking about making straight for the creche actually, since Rakha definitely thinks it's the most important thing to do right now, and then circling back for final nautiloid map stuff on the way to the Underdark.)

Rakha questioned Gale much more thoroughly about Karsus and the fall of Netheril; even though it happened a long time ago, she's still hungry for any new knowledge, more pieces in her picture of the world. I think this is probably not the last time that he ends up just discoursing to her on some random subject or another; if there's one thing Gale can't resist, it's an attentive student, even if it's one fully capable of ripping his throat out in the wrong moment. He also explained, much to her disappointment, that there's no way she would be strong enough on her own to channel the Weave as they did together - that it requires intense study even for someone with a natural magical gift like her. She's quietly bummed about this; she was taken with the idea of showing it to Wyll.

Having talked to Dammon, we have the option to ask Karlach directly about the engine in camp. She's not willing to give the full story until the Paladins are dead, but does explain that it prevents her from touching anyone and how upset that makes her, that she can't have a hug. Rakha spends a lot of time thinking about this afterwards. She has had sex with Lae'zel and she has had Astarion's weight on her as he sucked the blood at her neck, but beyond this, her experience with physical contact of any sort is... limited. But Karlach's longing for it is obvious. It must be comforting, she decides. Like the blanket of the Weave around her. Like Wyll's hand on her arm was, last night.

Astarion is indignant about Gale's orb: "To think, Gale's had this devastating orb within himself the entire time, and only just mentioned it? Who'd keep a secret like that from his friends? You can't trust anyone these days." It takes Rakha a little while to work out that he is being ironic. His response to the question "What do you think we'll find at Moonrise Towers?" amuses me, because his phrasing feels deliberately calibrated for Rakha specifically: "Who knows? Drow? Mind flayers? Death? Hopefully not ours. But maybe answers, if we can convince the right people to talk." Death and answers are Rakha's two favorite things in the whole world.

Wyll is super cute and kinda shy. "Since the party, I've had a spring in my step, and I've got you to thank." Sadly none of the (positive) dialogue options quite fall in Rakha's blunt conversational wheelhouse, but we'll go with, "It was a lovely evening. I hope we can share even more." Because it's true - talking to him was the best part of the party for her by far. She doesn't fully understand her own feelings, but she is realizing she feels better near him than otherwise. He smiles. "I'm sure we will. And when the time comes... I've got something in mind." He raises a hand to forestall her as she opens her mouth to ask questions. "Now, now - no prodding. You don't want to spoil the surprise. But I'll say this... it'll be worth the wait." The odd sense of pleasant anticipation with which Rakha receives this information is a rather new concept for her. She isn't sure what he means... but she is curious to find out.

He also tells her a little bit about growing up as a Duke's son in Baldur's Gate. Most of his descriptions of court and nobility are somewhat lost on her-- more interesting is his description of the transition into becoming Blade of Frontiers. She asks if it was much of a change. "Yes and no," he answers. "Father taught me the four pillars of power - courage, insight, strategy, justice. He reckoned I'd follow in his footsteps, first as a Fist Marshal, then as a Duke. Vanquish evil, maintain order, save the world. But a duke makes bedfellows with more monsters than he slays. Father called it 'diplomacy'. I called it 'hypocrisy.' In the frontiers, there is no posturing, no diplomacy. I slay monsters; I don't consort with them, even if I might look like one." As usual, Rakha tucks away these foundational tenets of his philosophy to consider for herself. Courage, insight, strategy, justice. None of them mean as much to her as violence, hunger, survival, death. And yet they are, perhaps, something to aspire to, if she should ever learn to control the beast... She wonders about that last statement, though. Wyll claims not to consort with monsters - but he travels with Astarion. He travels with her. He travels with Gale and that bomb in his chest. There are many in their group who could be called monsters. What does he see when he looks at them? Does he see his presence here as just another sort of hypocrisy, deep down?

[the-case-book-of-fanfiction]

my rewatch of broadchurch has reminded me of how much i love the idea of hopper taking on steve as an intern and showing him the ropes of policework. so, uh, here's a little thing i might make into an actual fic one of these days:

it's not steve's first choice of job. but it was offered to both him and robin, it pays well, it gets his dad off his back. or maybe worse. ("finally getting your life together, are you? finally got yourself an actual career.")

at first, it's simple, easy. reports, paperwork, sometimes some leg work. hopper oversees steve and robin's training personally. he says it's because they show potential; while that may be true, steve also suspects that hop's been told to keep an eye on the two of them by the shady government agents who have been lingering around hawkins—most of them pretending to be regular people, but the townspeople know better. everyone knows everyone in a small town like hawkins, and after the hellscape the town became, people have their own theories about what happened. most of them are pretty close, almost all of them including a government conspiracy.

for the few months, that's all they do. chase after the people who get too close to the truth, hush them up before the papers can snap up the story. they can't stop them all, but for the most part, people outside of hawkins write it off as lunacy. steve and hopper are thankful for that.

two years. two years of pure silence from any related to the upside down; no demodogs, no labs, no doctors, no psychic children. just eleven—jane, now—with the hopper-byers, and she hasn't used her powers for anything other than making max's life easier. the party's gone back to playing d&d together regularly, even though their parents tease them they're too old to be playing it in mike's basement.

and then, a couple months after the anniversary of will's disappearance, the world starts to crack again.

not really, not literally, not like it did when vecna split hawkins into four chunks of hell. but it's close, because steve can feel the world shift and begin to fall, just like it did then. it's worse this time, though, because he didn't really notice last time. he was too wrapped up in himself, in high school, in tommy and carol, in nancy. but this time? this time steve is fully aware of just how disastrous the world is.

it's a body. it's a young boy. all of hawkins stills because it's a little too similar.

when he's found, nobody knows who it is. the body's in the quarry, found by a group of young kids playing a little too close to the edge. (the town starts to get uneasy.)

the police retrieve the body. the family's contacted privately. the mother screams and wails that she was right, that she knew, that if they had just listened to her—

they realize, too late, that a missing persons report was filed about the boy two days ago. hopper hates how much the woman reminds him of joyce.

the autopsy is performed, and it confirms that the boy is really this woman's son. hopper insists on being present for the autopsy, just a little too worried it would be another fake.

for a while, steve is convinced it has to be related to what happened in the early 80s. hopper is, too, until that autopsy. after that, he tells steve it's a perfectly normal murder case.

it takes a while before steve believes him. only after that does he start to think that a regular murder case is even worse.

"i hate these small town murders," hopper says to him one day. "too many secrets about too many people get uncovered. things we never should know."

"but we're the police, shouldn't we know these things? if people are threatening and blackmailing and committing petty crimes, shouldn't we know?" steve asks, confused as to why hopper seems to be okay with these things—small compared to a murder, but big to a small town—happening all the time under their noses.

because that's what has been happening. backs are turning quickly. the town is becoming violent, accusing anyone and everyone who is slightly suspicious as the boy's killer.

"in a regular small town, it wouldn't be as big of a deal," hopper says. "even then, some things are just better left unsaid. but here? there's too many secrets we need to keep. secrets unrelated to this case. secrets that could get the soviets interested again."

and the idea of that makes steve shudder, his body remembering pain he had never really gotten rid of, always feeling it when it's too cold or raining.

robin shares similar ideas to hopper. "all these accusations," she says one night, when it's just them in the office because hop sent everybody else home and he's in the next room making coffee, "doesn't it scare you? like imagine if somebody turns on...i don't know, jonathan or...or nancy? i mean nancy owns guns and people know about it—"

"the boy wasn't shot, robs."

"—and jonathan, i mean, everybody who went to school with us heard about you breaking the camera and why you did it. they might..."

steve shakes his head. "i wish i hadn't, robs. especially now."

"i know that, that's not what i'm saying. my point is, we've all got dirt, every single one of us. eddie's been accused of murder before, who's to say they won't do it again? even if it doesn't make sense, neither do the people they target now. anyone who's done any wrong is in the risk of it being made public. and if that happened to us? if people find out about el, about vecna, about will? what happens then?"

she's worked herself up into a panic, steve can tell. but this time, he doesn't really know what to say. he doesn't know what will happen. the government agents who watched them for months before they disappeared all at once never made verbal threats, but the threat of their presence was enough to silence everyone.

the only thing he can think to say is "eddie's on tour with the guys right now, he's safe from all of this."

"until they get back, then everyone will become the next jason carver," robin says, and steve begs her not to bring him back up.

secrets get dug up as the case drags on, only getting further and further away from closure. affairs, bullying, threats, drugs, alcohol, robbery. whatever small, dirty secret the town could possibly have, it does have, and it gets dug up and aired out like dirty laundry.

steve watches the town pretend to be shocked at every new revelation. it doesn't hurt very much until he watches the entire town pretend that they—and he—didn't know his dad was cheating on his mom and has been for years; that still doesn't hurt as much as the pitying looks they give him when he shows up to ask questions or to take their statements; and that still doesn't compare to the looks everyone gives his mom.

he watches his mom lose her love of life. it was fine, or they could pretend it was fine, before everybody knew (officially) about his dad's infidelity. they could pretend it wasn't happening. they pretended it was some big business meeting or a dinner with a client or whatever it was, except what it actually was.

that's what hurts steve most about policework. watching people go under for things that have nothing to do with him. watching people lose family and livelihoods over mistakes made years ago. watching the life drain from a community, replaced by suspicion and anger and hatred.

because if he stops and thinks about it, steve doesn't really mind it otherwise. he likes the thrill, the facts fitting together, the possibility that they might actually be right.

and when they are right, even after countless wrong leads, steve feels the relief deep in his bones. he feels it in the town, too, feels people start to breathe again and start to go back to normal and live their lives again.

he knows it's not normal again, not really. how can it be? but he watches the case go to trial, he watches it go right, he watches the killer go to jail. he watches the family finally breathe again, hears the mother thank him and robin and hopper, sees them try to go back to their lives and do they best they can.

it's not normal, but it's better. it's better than it was, because the accusations are gone now, what's been dug up has either been forgotten or left alone or maybe it has changed lives, but people are moving on. sweeping it under the rug like it never even happened.

there are some divorces in the following weeks—the couples whose infidelity was discovered. the police chase a few domestic abuse reports. steve handles a few of them, because he's learned to handle the punches now. there'a crackdown on illicit substances. steve and robin are glad eddie's quit all of that now, that he had given it up years ago.

the world stops ending. steve knows it'll end again someday, more often if he ever ends up in a big city. but for now, it's over and he can go back to his boring old police routine.

steve likes "boring" these days. boring is a safety net, something to fall back into when things get exciting.

the other thing steve likes about policework—it is exciting. sometimes. sometimes, it makes him feel alive again.

[ralphlanyon]

For the TC ask game: 2, 6, 10, 15, 17, 22, and 24!

2. Scene that lives in your head rent free.

So many! But I'll go with "Come and say goodbye to me," which speaks for itself.

6. Wackiest (but hilarious) Laurie opinion™.

Laurie trying to convince himself that Ralph and Bunny are happily in love despite all evidence to the contrary and that he isn't incredibly jealous and resentful of Bunny!

10. Laurie/Andrew and Laurie/Ralph: discuss.

Obviously I'm a Ralph Lanyon and Ralph/Laurie girlie through and through! I think they are just extremely similar and compatible, in terms of their personalities, their idealism, their values, their sense of humor, their beliefs and attitudes towards queerness and towards the war, their past trauma, their need to be needed, their intense loneliness and desire for intimacy and affection (and of course Renault makes it clear that they are very sexually compatible). They also both understand what it's like to be abandoned by a parent, to become permanently and visibly disabled by war injury, and to not feel a sense of belonging or attachment to anywhere. So many themes and parallels with their relationship - it makes the literature nerd in me happy. 🤩

Laurie/Andrew doesn't have nearly the same emotional pull for me, although intellectually I get its place in the novel and Laurie's development. Part of it is that for most of the book Laurie seems to be unconsciously projecting his fantasy of school-age Ralph onto Andrew (as well as various moral ideals), so I never felt like I got to truly know Andrew as a person (or that Laurie did, for that matter), just what Laurie thinks he is, or ought to be. It's not an accident I think that Andrew is the same age as Ralph when we first meet him (and when Laurie last sees him at school) and that he often feels less a fully fleshed out character than an ideal Laurie carries in his head.

15. At which point did you know TC was going to be One Of Those Books for you?

Haha, I will have you know that the first time I read the book, I was being perfectly normal about it up until the party chapter, and then Ralph showed up again and ruined my life and now I'm here eight years later still totally obsessed! If it had ended unhappily with Ralph dying or Laurie and Ralph not getting back together (which would have been the conventional Queer Novel ending back then), I probably would have just moved on, but it had the temerity to actually end on a hopeful/happy note so I guess I'm just going to be invested forever.

17. Most ??? passage (ambiguous/unclear/etc)

"As Laurie got up he found he was levering himself on a pile of hymn books; some almost submerged tactile memory remarked, Ancient and Modern, not Songs of Praise." I was not Raised In A Christian Home and still do not get why that distinction is at all relevant, lol.

22. What was the soldier at the party about to reveal about Alec/Ralph?

Hmm, I actually didn't interpret it as being about Alec/Ralph specifically, just about Ralph! I thought he was going to drop some salacious gossip about Ralph's sex life or kinks - like "The man acts all uptight and strait-laced, disapproving of everything going on here, but I hear this is how he really behaves when he's in bed..." And then Laurie cuts him off with, "I've known him for years," which the soldier interprets as, "I've slept with him," prompting him to ask Laurie for confirmation if the sex gossip about Ralph is true.

24. Most surprisingly modern aspect of TC.

I guess actually acknowledging that bisexuality exists, even briefly? Ralph rattling off the historical figures he considers bisexuals and Ralph and Laurie talking about Shakespeare being "normal plus, not minus" amusingly remind me of how queer people nowadays discuss their favorite queer historical icons.

[redwineconversation]

Kadidiatou Diani Signing to Olympique Lyonnais

First of all I cannot wait to see how many fake football blogs get Diani's full first name wrong. (You're not her pal!! Don't use the nickname!)

Anyway, let's just grab a cup of tea and have a good and proper chat about things. Semi-annoyed at having to do this, but apparently there are a lot of so-called football experts who suddenly have deep insights about a team I'm not fully convinced they even knew existed prior to 2021.

Right, first thing I want to nip in the bud is the belief that Diani signing somehow telegraphs a Hegerberg exit. Again, shouldn't have to explain this, but critical thinking seems to be a bit too much to ask for some football fans, so alas. Here we are. Diani is a right winger. This means she plays on the right. Hegerberg is a center forward. This means she plays in the middle of the attack. If you are on the right, you are not in the middle; if you are in the middle, you are not on the right. Two separate positions. Right is different from middle. Cannot believe I have to spell it out in such simple terms.

"Diani played as a center forward this season!" you argue, not without cause. Yep, she sure did! Now, since you didn't realize that football actually existed prior to 2021 or 2022, you probably haven't heard of this player called Marie-Antoinette Katoto. She played center forward for PSG, got injured right before the Euros, had to sit out the entire season. That is why she found herself as center forward. It's not her natural position.

So if anything, it puts Cascarino's future at Lyon at play, not Hegerberg's. And even if then I think it's too early to try reading tea leaves - there has been zero movement on the bigger 2024 contracts (Hegerberg, M'Bock, Cascarino, Endler) and I don't think that it means that much. I don't expect a ton of movement on those ones until both the World Cup is over and Kang has officially taken over.

But going back to Cascarino. The plus side is that it was a partial ACL tear, so I don't think she will be sidelined as long as if it were a full tear. But this is still her second ACL injury, we don't know what her form will look like once she is back, she's talented enough that it's not worth rushing her back from injury. It's nice to have reliable cover until that happens.

The down side is realistically those players are too good to have one of them sitting on the bench, so that's why I think it telegraphs more a Cascarino possible departure than it does a Hegerberg one. That being said, the last time Cascarino tore her ACL, everyone and their mother wrote Cascarino off, and it was Aulas who gave her a second chance. TBD if Kang shows the same faith, and whether it is enough for Cascarino.

With that in mind, let's discuss how to get away with murder how to survive a scandal the Hamraoui affair, because obviously everyone else is going to be talking about it.

Hamraoui was the victim and it's shocking, absolutely shocking, at how badly PSG mismanaged the situation. Their casual disregard towards her is unethical bordering on criminal. I can't blame her for wanting to burn the world down. Scorch the earth, everyone finds a blow torch therapeutic on some level.

Now, you can argue that Diani wasn't directly involved, and that may be true, but it's also a hell of an argument to make in good faith. Diani's husband was directly involved, to the point that he was even questioned by police. Diallo's closest friends were/are Katoto and Diani. To pretend neither of them had any knowledge nor any involvement in the scandal requires a hell of a leap of faith.

So why did Lyon, who for all its faults usually does manage to keep the locker room under control, end up signing arguably one of the most controversial players?

Part of it, if we're honest, is simply Lyon flexing. Every time Lyon loses, the popular narrative becomes we are witnessing the team's downfall and they will never recover. This is Lyon simply reminding other teams that they don't have a statute of limitation on resurrections.

It's also Kang displaying a message of intent to the Lyon players, and I think that's actually something people are failing to grasp. Kang is showing the money is there, that they can attract top players and pay them accordingly. This is, realistically, something that will come into play for the bigger 2024 contracts whom I named earlier. Kang has to win them over. In a weird way, this is a financial gesture of good faith. I put the money down, your turn to deliver.

But money doesn't necessarily translate to control over the locker room. I said privately that I would be shocked if there weren't very, very tight clauses in that contract to ensure that what happened at PSG won't happen at Lyon. While it is true that PSG isn't run the same way Lyon is - both Kang and Aulas actually care about women's football, for example - the reality is that Kang is not Aulas, and so the ability to make the locker room fall in line has yet to be tested.

So what will happen with Diani at Lyon? From a footballing perspective, Lyon strengthened their right side, crippled their biggest rival, and sent a warning shot to UWCL contenders that they aren't quite yet willing to concede their throne.

But from a personnel perspective, a lot remains to be seen. Diani probably won't be able to pull the same shit with Lyon as she did with PSG, simply because the two clubs are run differently, and even with the paycheck, she won't be catapulted to the top of the hierarchy.

The question is will she try to change that, and how will Lyon react if she does. We don't know. And I'm not exactly thrilled that we may have to find out.

[ladyintree]

tai thoughts for ep 3 😵‍💫

my mind is kind of all over the place with this one, mostly because there's a lot i don't want to speculate on until we see how her adult plot moves on, but i'm really happy that we've seen so much progress with her already 3 episodes in, considering how much of her plot in season 2 was so transitional. i said last week that i feel confident this is the season of genuine answers from her (particularly with the man with no eyes, and seemingly other tai), and i feel that even more after episode 3.

starting with thoughts about her in the teen timeline since we didn't get much. her shortness with shauna is still really valid to me. she loves and understands shauna on such a specific level. she also hates shauna on some level too. that's true in present day too. she spent a lot of the last 2 seasons going out of her way to do whatever she could to both support her and keep her alive, but she also got to a point where she knew that shauna wasn't always going to be receptive of that and tai can't kill herself trying to keep taking care of someone who doesn't want it. i think she will be ready to be there for shauna if shauna still wants it, but right now, most of her support for shauna ie more indirect (like telling nat to find a way to calm the situation between shauna + mari because she doesn't want shauna to experience what happened to jackie again, etc).

shauna comes blazing in when mari returns, and tai takes a dramatic step back - and i think it's possible she's clocking what's happening between her and melissa. it's such a small moment but she looks to shauna, then to melissa. shauna asks what happened and tai's the one to answer. shauna suggests they go looking for ben and tai's the one to snap back at her to say it feels like a foolish idea. i'll be really interested to see how tai feels about coach next episode, because for the most part, she and coach have had a pretty decent relationship - even going back to most recently where she showed concern for him in 1x07. i don't know what to make of her face when she sees ben at the very end, considering all they just went through to actually get to him, but i think it's possible she may end up being on his side (i don't know though!!) her comment in episode 3x02 about "who else could it have been" feels more like defaulting to what seems to have to be the truth rather than fully believing it (and i'm not giving into the theory that other tai started the fire until there is genuine evidence to any motivation for it other than people jumping to 'well fire bad, evil tai bad' and for the 100th time i hate you if you call her 'evil tai' <3).

anyway. on to the adult scenes. yay <3

of course tai is fixating on the waiter that died because of them (not directly their fault but happening in a domino effect of things they did... a routine they are very much familiar with from the wilderness. so far we haven't really seen any direct kills so their perception of this is always fascinating to me, especially paired with a clip from the next episode about lottie reminding them they let It choose). she's fixated partly because she's curious and partly because she knows she has to tell van about this eventually. keeping secrets from van isn't new, big or small, and she could technically convince herself that this is literally nothing, that it wasn't their fault, but she doesn't want to. she wants it to mean something. relevant also to point out that she was specifically reading about this man supposedly being 'a helluva guy.'

i just really love the scene of van walking in, saying nothing, while tai stops what she's doing but doesn't turn around to greet her, saying nothing. they're both hiding things from each other and they both don't know how to address it yet (and maybe if they even should) and it's just very, very tai + van to me. some things haven't changed especially after so many years apart and still learning how to be with each other again. so of course, once they make eye contact, she has to blurt out that she has something to say to her before she can change her mind and fester on it any longer. she already knows something may be up with van's health, good or bad, and she insists on her talking first. because maybe the waiter's death really doesn't mean anything, maybe she's got no reason to be so stuck on it - maybe van's health is worse and tai has to stop trying to connect dots, but that's why she needs to hear from van first.

and her instant joy at van telling her about her remission is both because van might actually be okay / might get more time with tai, and... because it gives her an answer that's been running around her brain for days now, and she is so relieved that it may actually mean something. i still have feelings about the idea of cancer being cured this way, and i'm skeptical about how all this is going to go, but i've always been on the side that doesn't want the show to ever directly confirm the supernatural but will constantly keep toeing the line and making us question the coincidences. like this quote the creators said recently:

They’re like, “Oh my god, it’s happening again.” … “Oh my god, if this is happening, it must link to the wilderness.” When in fact, it could just be a coincidence or a serendipitous intersection of circumstances.

so i'm going to keep moving forward with the idea that tai wants to believe that there's a connection between their 'sacrifices' and van's remission - but never confirm that that's actually what's happening. tai is someone desperate for answers and for some kind of control, so right now, she actually feels like she has control over whether van lives or dies. she doesn't, not actually, but she's going to keep moving forward as if she does. which is likely to have horrible consequences and force tai to lose more of herself in the process.

i'm mostly surprised that she told van about the connection she's made. i kind of expected her to keep going forward with it behind van's back, constantly trying to do things to keep saving her without ever letting van know her motivations or what she was doing at all. but also... she needs to know if van is thinking about it too. she needs to not be alone in it. which is interesting compared to when they were teens - when van was desperate to believe in something and tai was desperate to never have to give into it, often offended that van would try to pull her in anyway, causing so much tension between her and van and never actually working through anything. she wants to know if that van is still there somewhere.

the mention if nat hurts me because of how i feel about tai and nat's dynamic, how she's felt like family to tai, how she has barely allowed herself to grieve her. she needs her death to mean something too, the same way she needed her friends' deaths to mean something in the wilderness, by clinging to the fact that they're alive because of them. if nat was a sacrifice, then she can believe that her death wasn't for nothing.

tai chanting to the wilderness isn’t even like. out of the blue. it feels that way but the fact that it’s not makes it so much better.  between her look as she won the election and the specific direction for her to look like she was praying to her altar in 2x01,  and what i at least interpreted as taissa being fully conscious while she left something at the altar in 3x02,  she’s been doing this.  it’s not new.  she’s just actually saying it out loud and being actively intentional with it.  much like we’ve seen in the teen timeline — she was already doing these things before she ever said the words out loud (taking the bone necklace in 1x07 being the big one — to her finally actively using it + chanting to the wilderness during shauna’s birth).  

which reminds me, still bothered by the “tai only ever did the wilderness stuff for van so why is she doing it now" thoughts — because she was never doing it for van! that was just an excuse, a way to make others (and mostly, herself) think that she didn’t actually believe in it.  she doesn’t want to be perceived that way— especially after spending so long being so vocally against it.  but that’s the thing.  some part of her always believed in it subconsciously, and anytime taissa felt that,  it scared her.  that’s why she was so harsh with van every time she wanted her to lean into it + explore it more,  why she tried to forbid her not only from making her talk to lottie but talking to lottie herself.  but some part of taissa was always believing in it, too — just as we see when she steals the bone necklace in her sleep after spending the day belittling van for it.  “i’m only doing it for van” was a ruse, for others and herself, so her chanting for the wilderness in present day really isn’t as big of a stretch it may seem.

she is doing this now to help van, that part is true, but she is not doing it because van convinced her all those years ago. she was giving in herself. and praying to the wilderness is not van exclusive, either - the first time she ever actively chanted to the wilderness, while trying to make it mean something, was to save shauna's life during her birth + by akilah's way of making her understand how she could do it in a way that made sense to her. i love tai + van, but they're still two separate characters who aren't entirely responsible for everything the other does. right now, her motivation is to save van. but her making sacrifices to the wilderness has never been exclusive to van, and that's important.

tawny's always intentional about her expressions with other tai so while i do think other tai may be driving this, i also think our tai + other tai are merging together more than they ever have before (again to say, i don't like leaning towards the supernatural with this show, i think it's far more interesting as a way to represent her repressed self). i think it's about to get harder to tell the difference and i think that's the point. she's not becoming a different person, she's not giving herself away to other tai entirely, she's just... as lottie suggested last season, isn't suppressing her. but again, i don't want to speculate too much on other tai right now because i'm not sure where this is headed.

the scene between tai and van in the living room is so much. on so many levels. seeing them so comfortable with each other is so sweet and almost makes me feel like everything is perfectly okay, which isn't true at all. tai is not only still married (to a wife i assume is leaving her, good for simone) but also... has a lot to make up for with van. and i hope the tension of them breaking up the way they did so long ago is something that keeps coming back up and will eventually be addressed (and it won't be by tai, because right now, tai thinks she's gotten away with that and that she can ease back into this relationship so smoothly. i hope she's wrong, respectfully, because van deserves to keep standing up for herself). tai is so comfortable here and so ... carefree. again, it's not going to last, but it's really refreshing to see tai like this, even if it's only temporary.

"i can't believe i get to have more of you" is really sweet on the surface, but this line makes me ache for van so badly. it's such a tai thing to say, to celebrate the victory of van being okay and van being back in her life and move forward like that's all that matters. tai dumped van, tai moved on with her life without van, tai got married, tai and her wife had a kid, tai lived this whole long life without van because she decided van didn't fit into her life. and the second she needed van again, she bulldozed into her life without warning and here they are. "i can't believe i get to have more of you" is so ironic when tai is the one who chose to spend all those years apart from van in the first place. and van has called her on it before and i hope she continues to hold her accountable for that. obsessed with this line, obsessed with how many layers there is to it.

and directly following that line, one of my favorite details of the episode, the tv commercial says, "there's one low price for all this and lots more at the land of make believe," hinting at what tai's about to do to really keep them together now.

now to the most important part of the episode to me. the man with no eyes reveal. this was so unexpected to me and yet so perfect. tai immediately spots the man from her visions, panics, and asks van if she's seeing him too - because she's so used to being the only one to see him, to being stuck with him, to never being able to ask anyone else about him, it wouldn't be surprising if he's not actually there and that she's still stuck all alone in it. the small detail that she's actually told van about the man with no eyes somewhere along the line is really important too - last we've seen of this in the teen timeline is van telling her that other tai said she was following 'the one with no eyes,' tai asking, 'i said that?' and telling her she didn't know who that was - which isn't a lie, she genuinely didn't know who he was, just that she saw him. she's having such a full body reaction to it (girl i did too. what the fuck) and it is so fun for me to watch because you can tell so much of her world just opened up.

"holy shit, i must've seen that ad when i was little. and the man and... no eyes, and then my grandmother died, and i..."

saving this quote from the creators:

"Just to take the present-day storyline for a second, a lot of neuroscientists say that when you remember something, you actually don’t remember it; you only remember the last time you remembered it. If that’s the case, then there’s an iterative attrition in your memory. So you can see that the present-day adult characters are looking back but, do they actually remember exactly what happened? Or, through the process of repression and possibly suppression, psychologically speaking, perhaps it’s all become kind of a hazy goulash? Taissa sees something from her childhood that she forgot, and now she has a motivation and justification for always fearing the no-eyed man. But now she is thrown into deeper confusion about what it all means. All of those dominoes of memory may start falling into place, and they may actually have this wave of memory that starts sweeping them toward what I call a false pattern recognition in their modern lives. They’re like, 'Oh my god, it’s happening again.' … 'Oh my god, if this is happening, it must link to the wilderness.' When in fact, it could just be a coincidence or a serendipitous intersection of circumstances. We’re going to play with the wet clay of that, and not just play with it.

the first time she ever sees the man with no eyes is when her grandmother dies, and she sees him in a reflection. we only see his upper body, which makes this context even more fascinating - she only sees his upper body in her first vision of him because that's all she has the context for. she's only seen him in a commercial on tv. a commercial that scared her. at that point, but her mind can only make up that much of him, which is why we only see his torso + head in the mirror in her first vision. but over the years, he starts to manifest in different ways and she no longer needs to see him through a reflection. he starts to feel more real and present to her. like a real human being who is following her (or who she is following).

i've always saw him as some kind of omen of death / a grim reaper - and i think tai does too, whether she's aware and has processed that at all. watching her grandmother die is traumatic for her, and that memory sticks with her and manifests in this fear of a man she can place with what her grandmother says at the end of her life - that she doesn't want the man with no eyes to take hers. i think we've kind of been left wondering if she and her grandmother shared the same vision back then, but now i don't think they did. i think tai envisioning the man with no eyes from an ice cream commercial that scared her is her way of trying to make sense of what her grandma was saying.

in 3x03 as she leads them all to the lake, she feels him watching her. the show intended to show him but they took it out to show her looking at the woods instead - a choice i'm happy with because i think it works best to reveal him first in her childhood memory, and to not see him while tai is looking is important, too, because it's a reminder that she is often seeing things that we don't get to see, that others won't see, that she doesn't even know to be real or not. but that happens just after they've had a funeral for the ones they lost in the crash. she sees him as an adult in 1x05 when she decides to keep running for senate, despite being there to announce she's dropped out - right after that is when she sacrifices biscuit.

in 2x02 when she sees him again, he's leading her to the trees with the symbols that eventually lead her to javi - who they later sacrifice (and not just that; he brings the cards back that ultimately decides their fates). as an adult, she sees him again in 3x01, indicating that someone - the waiter - has died (and it feels like the first time we really see her lean into that rather than get scared away).

very obsessed with tai insisting that they go to this ice cream parlor. it's late, the place is closed, there's no reason for them to have to do this now (or, ever) - but tai has to. she's been desperate to understand this for most of her life. she saw him as something she couldn't explain and it drove so much of how she approached things - like how angry she got when the others started believing that a ghost was controlling the cabin. man with no eyes wasn't tangible and she couldn't understand it and that meant she had no control over it. she has to go to the ice cream parlor because maybe she can finally win this. she's compelled to it and she's crashing out and there's literally no stopping her from going - or getting in.

"you realize this is a crime now." / "wouldn't be our first."

am chewing on this line. just thinking about natalie calling tai and shauna out for pretending that they're fine, shauna telling her to leave them out of her endless pile of guilt, taissa lightly redirecting the conversation after. the other survivors sometimes see taissa as success story that isn't real, like she's above all of what they've done, but she isn't. she's vividly aware of what they've all had to do to get to where they are today but she is leaning into that now, accepting that that is the kind of person she has had to be to keep surviving.

she doesn't know what she's looking for there but it doesn't even matter because she can't live with herself if she doesn't at least try to find something. and i don't think she would've left there until she did find a sign. when they see the coyote, tai asks "what do you want" in the same tone that she asks the other tai in the mirror at the hospital in season 2 which is sooo rich to me, the way she feels so compelled to listen to It in whatever form it's taking. again i'm really excited to see where this goes even if i also have my reservations - i'm hoping that it is never some conclusive fact that it cures van cancer but i am interested to see how tai approaches the thought of it anyway.

the ice cream parlor number is callable and i've taken a bunch of pieces that other people have found about it / from listening (because they can understand it better than me <3). there's a lot of static noise, a comment about it being closed for 34 years (closed when she was roughly 9) but cuts back to a cheerful voice saying to call during business hours. "we're sorry we weren't able to chat, we were probably cooping out eye-popping delights to our customers." the flavors are all '80s/'90s band references: fudge honey, smashed pumpkin, cranberry dreams. a mention of hotdog water, cigarette ash, death, regret, a dead grandma's house (would potentially have a bigger connection to why she associated this man with her grandmother's death). after more static, more flavors were my blood orange valentine, mighty mighty boston cream pie.

"you know time is weird, the way a moment can feel so permanent even while it's melting away - like it never existed at all. all we went through to get here. beyond the swirling of cream and sugar, churning and then frozen in the dark."

"memory is meandering like a web of cotton candy. that bell, above our front door, I can still hear it ringing now. ringing. ringing. ringing."

there's morse code that says, "the screams are not what they seem." (i know this is a twin peaks reference but no i haven't made it very far in watching that show yet sorry <3 fun detail given everything else i know about twin peaks references though).

it ends with "i hope you'll try again later" which is probably a hint that the message will change - just like lottie's compound number continuously updated the message through season 2.

also, if you open the voice mail recording on a spectogram, it reads the words "it's hungry" which scares the shit out of me and i'm very glad i did not find this myself <3

a lot about mari’s story in the cave feels relevant to what’s revealed about taissa this episode, how she connects that tv show with one of her childhood traumas and how taissa connects a commercial with hers, and how she suggests that there might be two realities, so relevant to so much of taissa's arc.

seeing the man with no eyes in akilah, van, and shauna's dream sequence as they say "there is only one dream" - to directly imply that this is not just affecting the three of them but everyone, really gagged me. more quotes from the creators about that:

"I think it’s really interesting to understand that when their conventions of how they’ve lived are starting to deconstruct and break down and they’re starting to build up new ones, this idea that their dreams would sync up so that together as a group, they can start reconstructing society in a way that we may not think is healthy but that they may need to survive. This syncing up of their dreams is based in those cultures, but also something they can either totally lean into as a way to move them forward, or see as something toxic and corrosive that they then have to untangle from. There’s a sort of pheromonal effect, a cortisol effect. And then some of them don’t sync up. So there is a level of psychological induction going on of people being convinced that they need to be part of the dream to survive. We also put the “no-eyed man” in the dream, which was part of Tai’s, as if to say that their subjective experience is starting to blur and the space between objective and subjective experience is also starting to blur."

okay i'm tired and i'm finally done with my rambling but much to chew on in this episode.

[ninjaturtlecosmo]

Okay..... I'm not fully sure if I'll add this in This Ugly Yet Amazing World Yet, it's just an idea I have at the moment for Harold's character, but...... i was thinking I might add a twist where it turns out Harold is actually a serial killer.

Think about it. Obviously nothing in canon points to him being such a person, he's just a simple douchebag in canon, but for the fanon I've added for him in This Ugly Yet Amazing World, he does possess a few traits a serial killer may possess. As a teenager he was incredibly aggressive, and between his stalking towards Stella and how he tried to SA her the one time he took her out on a date, and then what he did to her too the night of his bachelor party, plus the fact I do headcanon him as a misogynist, it seems like I have given him a few traits that serial killers would possess. One other trait would also be that they're really good at putting on an act and pretending to be someone they're not, plus pretending to feel affection for others around them in some cases, and i do imagine when he decided to settle for Jackie upon accepting that he'd never win Stella, he basically put on a really convincing act at pretending to be Jackie's dream man, and continues to do so to this day, while continuing to put on this same act around his two children, Tobias and Rachel, and around everyone else he knows too, but very few people know the monster that hides beneath this facade of his...... Only Stella and Steve know an extent of Harold's true character, but those that know the whole story about him never quite lived to tell the tale.

When did Harold become a serial killer you may be asking? Well, I say it probably happened somewhere between graduation and when he and Jackie got married, so somewhere in that 10 year time span. If I add this, I'd need to come up with a story for how his killing streak happened, but he definitely snapped at some point and took someone's life before he even realized what he did...... Course, most serial killers have a type when it comes to who they'll target, and Harold? He'd basically be like Ted Bundy in the sense that he went after mostly women because he wanted control over them, and it was his way of further lashing out because he never got the girl he truly pined for in his youth. It's likely that the night he saw Stella again at the bar, he did contemplate knocking her out and dragging her to his house to make her his latest victim that night, but unlike all his other victims who he just wanted to control and mutilate, he still loved Stella in a really fucked up way and chose to leave her passed out in the alleyway after he was done having his way with Stella...... To this day Stella still doesn't truly realize the fate she narrowly escaped that night, but it doesn't change that in the end, she was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

To this day Harold still continues his killings with no one knowing, especially not Jackie, Tobias or Rachel, as he now carries out his killings in a separate house he owns somewhere in a more abandoned part of Elmore where no one can investigate what he's doing....... He even keeps binders in that house where he keeps pictures of all his victims over the last decade or so, pictures of all his female victims drugged, tied up, gagged, the fear in their eyes as they're left with deep cuts all over their body knowing they're at the end of their life all because of the monster taking these pictures of them....... and of course Harold holds no remorse over any of his actions, because like the sick man he is, a part of him takes pleasure in seeing his victims like this.

Because of the steps he's taken to ensure no one finds out about the things he's done, Harold is so sure that he'll get away with this all the day until the day he dies....... What he didn't count on however is the return of Stella and a daughter he has no knowledge of, and the fact that Steve would find out what he did to Stella behind that bar 12 years ago, and then begin investigating that night and who all attended the bachelor party, which depending on Steve's choices could bring him close to finding out the truth of the monster Harold truly is.

Again, this is all just an idea I'm pending on, but if I do add this, the people of Elmore are in for a shock when they realize the identity of the serial killer that's been lurking among them...... And poor Jackie, Tobias and Rachel.... How will they take it when they learn the unforgivable sins Harold has committed all this time? How will Lita take it when she not only learns she's the daughter of a serial killer, but what he put her mother through? How will Steve take it when he realizes he easily could have lost his sister that night at the bar?

[seraphtrevs]

I feel as dense as Jesse because I just don't see it about Walt loving him even more than Skyler and going completely feral when other people hurt him? Like obviously he loves him because he can easily manipulate him but I just... don't get it? Is it that he wants to be the only one who hurts Jesse?

But Walt doesn't think he's hurting Jesse. He thinks he's protecting him. Every time Walt does something shitty to Jesse, he convinces himself it was for Jesse's own good.

Like when he let Jane die. Walt's true reason was that Jane tried to take Jesse away from him. But Walt thinks that the reason he did it was to protect Jesse. Jane got him hooked on heroin. If he stays with her, she'll kill him. In a way, Walt killed her for Jesse.

And I don't think Jesse was actually that easy for Walt to manipulate at first. Jesse kicked and screamed the whole way as Walt dragged him into their partnership. Things changed when their relationship became more intense - when they loved each other, Jesse became easier to manipulate. But Walt didn't fall in love with him because he was easy to manipulate since that didn't come until later.

A big part of the reason their relationship is so intense is that they've been through several life-and-death situations together now, starting from the beginning when Krazy-8 comes for them. Walt kills Emilio in defense of himself and Jesse. Later, he kills Domingo, sparing Jesse from having to do it.

When Walt killed Emilio, he wasn't doing it specifically to save Jesse (he was saving them both, so it was as much self-interest). But once the dust settled...I think Walt felt excited about the idea of killing someone in defense of someone else. A huge part of Walt's psychology is that he loves the idea of being a protector (and a provider). In mundane life, there's no opportunity for doing something that primal. He can't kill for Skylar and the kids...

...but he can kill for Jesse.

The other thing he can do for Jesse is provide. (Yes, they're partners, but Walt views himself as the leader.) The only person in the whole show who ever feels happy about getting money from Walt is Jesse (that doesn't last long, but he was very excited at first).

Heisenberg is Walt's ideal self - powerful, rich, dangerous, feared. But he has to hide his ideal self from Skyler and his son, even as he's in the process of fully realizing fantasies he's had for years. (btw Heisenberg is nowhere near as cool as Walt thinks he is, but that's how Walt feels when he's running his empire). A huge part of this fantasy is being a protector - he can't be Heisenberg unless he has someone to protect. So that person becomes Jesse

Jesse used to be his student, so he already had some residual protective feelings for him, which puts Jesse in the role of a child - a son. But at the same time, these fantasies are VERY sexy to Walt - he tries to bring it home to Skyler to mixed results. So with that energy frustrated and needing a place to go, Jesse also becomes like his wife. (What can I say, he's a sick person.) Their relationship plays out more like a romance than a father/son story, in my opinion, but there's definitely an element of both, which is what makes it so disturbing and fascinating

[k-s-morgan]

Why does Will have a dream about Hannibal where he calls him beloved? Will tried to kill Hannibal there so I'm confused why he''s violent but images romantic lines from him.

Oh, I actually have a mini-meta about The Dream!

Violence and love are closely interrelated in Will and Hannibal’s relationship. This Will’s dream is fascinating because it reveals a lot of things about his state of mind. 

Firstly, he’s angry at Hannibal. He’s been released from prison just a month ago after framing, and he’s still feeling betrayed and hurt. Most importantly, he thinks Hannibal killed Abigail and this is something Will doesn’t understand and can’t get over. So he’s dreaming of his retribution, of making Hannibal pay. 

At the same time, he has doubts. Will knows now that Hannibal wanted to help him Become. He knows Hannibal is the one who got him free and that he wants to be his friend - Will said that to Chilton two episode before. He thinks he understands now: Hannibal is not a psychopathic killer who’s doing things out of amusement and curiosity. He’s capable of deep feelings; he’s lonely and he loves Will. But then again, why did he kill Abigail? Why was he so cruel about it - she was killed sadistically, he cut off her ear and implanted it in Will? How can Will trust that such a person loves him when this is what he did to a girl he supposedly cared about? We see Will’s inner struggle in this conversation:

Will: I want an admission. Admit what you are.

When Hannibal doesn’t reply directly, Will amplifies violence. 

Dream Hannibal: Why not appeal to my better nature?

Will: I wasn’t aware you had one.

This is extremely illuminating. Will is in denial. He wants Hannibal to confirm to him that he’s a monster and thus not worthy of Will’s attention - Will is trying to literally torture the answer he wants out of Hannibal. Like he said to Peter in the previous episode, killing is much easier when you know how to feel. And Will doesn’t know how to feel about Hannibal, not until he finds a way to label him as a hollow monster. 

But the truth is, Hannibal isn’t a hollow monster. And a part of Will knows it. That’s why as Will tortures Hannibal, Hannibal replies with love, not violence. I’ll include the deleted last sentence:

Dream Hannibal: No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them. By that love, we see potential in our beloved. Through that love, we allow our beloved to see their potential. Expressing that love, our beloved’s potential comes true. I love you, Will.

Like Will suspects, Hannibal is doing everything out of love for him. He sees what Will is. He accepts it, admires it, and he wants Will to act on it. His motivations are complex and he refuses to give up his love even under torture.

A part of Will is probably overjoyed at getting this answer. But a bigger part is frustrated because it just complicates things. He would love to convince himself that Hannibal is soulless, kill him, and be done with it, but that’s not what he is and Will is lost in his conflicting feelings.

There is also this bit that comes after Will’s first question:

Dream Hannibal: Must I denounce myself as a monster while you still refuse to see the one growing inside you?

And in the script, the following line is: Not the answer Will wants.

So, in conclusion: Will’s dream is about his inner conflict about Hannibal. A part of him, the one that accepts his own darkness, thinks that Hannibal loves him. Another part is terrified of the implications of this, so it’s trying to force Hannibal to admit he has no depth because otherwise, Will could never kill him. 

[quindolyn]

subby Jamie fluffy (Smut?) where he wakes up in the middle of the night and sucks on the readers titties to drink from her tits because she's lactating after giving birth to their daughter. I don't know if this makes sense but I hope it does!

Lactation Kink || James Potter

A/N: I'm not even sure if I should include "kink" but I will admit that there are some very smutty overtones so read at your own discretion. I tweaked the request a little bit in terms of the circumstances but the bones are still there. I hope you enjoy.

Warnings: lactation kink, light sub!James and Dom!reader, not much I don't think, all acts are completely consensual and if they needed a safe word they'd have one

Word Count: 1851

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were life savers. They could only watch their two closest friends creep closer and closer to death for so long before doing something about it.

After giving birth to a beautiful baby boy seven months ago you and James had come to understand a new definition of the word exhaustion. You were absolutely enamoured with your baby boy, James the same way if not worse, always keeping him cradled in his arms, Harry’s little head nestled into the crook of James’ arm.

Regardless, there is no amount of parental love to counteract the complete lack of sleep the two of you have endured. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” they all say, it's excellent in theory if only the baby would actually sleep.

No, instead you and James were subject to months of newborn induced insomnia,

You’d barely understood what Remus and Sirius were saying when they offered to watch your son for a few days, give you and James some time alone. Even though every part of your being screamed for you to take them up on their offer there was that small, annoyingly persistent, voice in the back of your head. The voice of maternal guilt.

Your friends wouldn’t hear any of your arguments, listening as you insisted that Harry was still far too young for you to leave him, you could barely stand a few hours, how were you supposed to survive days?

Despite your insistence that it was far too early to leave Harry with his godfathers for an extended weekend when the following Thursday rolled around you and James were rather unceremoniously kicked out of your own house, told that reservations had been made for you at an expensive spa and resort and that you were not to return home until the following Monday.

They’d even packed your bags for you.

You and James had successfully made it through the first night away from your baby, your quality of your sleep however was not up to par as you tossed and turned, worrying about the little boy you’d left at home.

Even cuddled up to Jamie’s chest your sleep was more like a light sheet over your consciousness giving you a shallow, unsatisfactory, reprieve.

What you needed was for sleep to hit you over the head with a baseball bat, knock you unconscious for hours and give your body time to recover.

After a long, exhausting day of taking advantage of the resort's numerous spa treatments, your wish of deep, meaningful sleep seemed as though it might actually just come true.

Minutes after laying your head down on the pillow, James slipping into bed behind you, you were out cold. Pulling you closer so that he could bury his face in the crook of your neck James was close behind you.

Finally, sleep.

-----

Your tits hurt, they fucking hurt. You were finally getting some quality sleep but the discomfort in your chest became intolerable and you were lulled back into a dreaded state of consciousness.

You’d been so ready for sleep and the peace that it would bring that you’d forgotten to pump your milk before getting into bed. You find yourself regretting that decision now, you shift slightly in James’ hold, just as tight as it had been when you’d fallen asleep. The clock on the bedside table reads three in the morning.

Fuck me, you think, your thoughts still blurry from sleep, carrying a weight in your temples that lures your head back down to the pillow as you fall back into your spot in James’ arms. You’re going to have to get up eventually, that much you understand, but the prospect of getting up and finding the pump, hooking it up, then actually sitting there while you pump sounds nothing short of absolutely dreadful.

You can only lay there for so long, on your back so as not to apply any pressure to your breasts, staring up at the ceiling before your tits go from hurting to feeling like they’re about to explode.

Eventually you’re forced to begin to fuss in James’ arms, trying to find the seal that will let you get up hopefully without waking your husband.

Even asleep James’ grip is insistent, he’s like quick sand, the more you try to maneuver your way out of his arms the tighter his hold gets, the closer he pulls you to him.

“Jamie, you gotta let go,” You murmur, hoping to appeal to the half asleep man.

“Where you going, angel?” His voice is the crashing of a wave against the shore in your ears, low, rumbling, calming. That voice alone is enough to have you considering just climbing back into bed with him, exploding tits be damned.

“Forgot to pump Jamie, m’tits feel like they’re ready to explode.”

He flickers his eyes open, worry etched into his irises, already blanketed in sleep, “Hurting?” Raising his head his eyes drop to your tits, like maybe he’ll be able to see your affliction.

“A little bit,” You nod, your hands combing through his unruly curls before making another attempt to rise from the mattress, “Gonna pump and then I’ll feel all better. I’ll be quick.”

“No,” He whines, god you miss the sound of his whine. His arms are like steel as he pulls you firmly back onto the bed, “M’thirsty anyways.”

Confusion heightens in you before James turns you so you’re fully on your back before slipping under your arm, resting his head on your chest.

Nimble fingers find the neckline of the silk camisole you’d found in the luggage Remus and Sirius had packed for you, sons of bitches also packed every single pair of lacy panties you own.

With little difficulty he slips the thin strap down your shoulder allowing him to tuck the soft material of the top under your breast.

“Miss my girls,” He whispers as he bares your breasts, they’re swollen with milk but the way he’s looking at you you’d think they were something far more precious.

“I’ll be gentle,” His promise comes just as he latches onto your pert nipple, carefully guarding his teeth with his lips, the last thing he would wanna do is hurt you.

It bears little resemblance to the way he used to suck your tits, fervently like they were the only things keeping him grounded, sometimes they had been. Now he proceeds with a new sense of caution but that doesn’t mean it’s any less pleasurable.

“Jamesie, ‘s for Harry, you can’t drink the baby’s milk,” You regrettably push him off your tit, he looks anything but pleased.

“They were mine first,” He whines, throwing you a dirty glance that falls completely flat given the immense adoration that lies just behind it, “And I told you (Y/N), ‘m thirsty, want your milk. Wanna make you feel good.”

Giving you his most convincing puppy dog eyes he leans back in, he latches on efficiently and sucking with an increased vigor you feel a feeling of fullness swell in your breast as your nipple tingles. It’s a feeling you’ve gotten used to but so rarely has it ever turned you on as when James is the cause of it.

He hums in satisfaction as the warm milk seeps into his mouth, it encourages him in his efforts causing him to latch on tighter. A little too tight.

“Easy there baby,” You hiss, “M’tits are sensitive.”’

He complies immediately, loosening his lips around your nipple the sensation becomes pleasurable once more. The pleasure helps distract from the discomfort which, at least in the tit James it latched onto, seems to be dwindling. The other breast is left aching until you feel a similar sensation coming from your nipple.

“You’re leaking.”

Casting your eyes downward you see that he’s right, you’re leaking slightly out of your unattended nipple. It's not unusual for it to happen but usually you just brush it away with a warm washcloth, not wanting to have a sticky mess on your chest.

Carefully, he brushes the pad of his thumb over the over sensitive bud.

“Can’t let it go to waste,” He brings his thumb to his mouth to suck it clean, the visual is almost enough to make your head spin.

You can’t remember the last time you saw James subby, ever since you’ve had Harry it's been sleepy handjobs and once you fully recovered, him pushing you up anywhere he could and taking you right there. It’s like parenthood awoke something far more dominant inside of him but as he latches back onto your tit you’re reminded how beautiful he is when he submits to you.

You wrap your arms around his neck, letting your fingers dance along the nape of his neck as you feel yourself unwinding with every second he sucks at your tit, bringing you relief.

“You full yet?”

He gently lets your tit slide from his mouth before responding, “Does it still hurt?”

The genuine concern in his voice has butterflies erupting in your stomach, you learned a long time ago just how sweet and caring James is but sometimes it hits you harder than you were expecting and you’re left feeling just as giddy as you did in the beginning of your relationship.

James seems to have sucked you dry, or at least to a point where your tit no longer burns with the feeling of an impending explosion.

“No s’all better baby, did such a good job,” You guide his face up towards yours, “Got a little milk on your lips,” You lean in, kissing the milk off his swollen lips.

It’s sweeter than you expected but maybe everything was sweeter coming off his lips.

You take your time admiring his face, hazel eyes that look a little more brown than they did yesterday, lips an impossible pink. Thick, long lashes you remember envying for as long as you’ve known each other cast their shadows along his cheekbones. He’s perfect.

You run the pad of your thumb along his bottom lip before letting him suck it into his mouth, when he couldn’t get to your tits sucking on your fingers always used to help James calm down. For the life of you you can’t remember the last time he’d sucked on your fingers. If it’d been in the last seven months you’d probably just been too tired to remember.

Letting your digit slide from his mouth James hauls himself over you, careful not to brush against your breasts, to lay on your other side. He moves with a surprising grace considering just minutes ago he’d been in the throws of sleep, you’d forgotten how well he moved.

“Other one now,” He murmurs, eyes glued to your tit as his hands move to cup it, giving him better access to your nipple.

“You sure baby? I can just pump this one and you can go back to bed, s’okay.”

“No,” His brows furrow with his empathic response, if he wasn’t already on top of you you’re sure he’d pull you closer in fear that you might escape, “Mine.”

taglist: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @amourtentiaa @kittykylax @superbturtlemakerathlete @oliviashea05 @pinkandblueblurbs @thatvenusbabe @itsmentalillness @zzzfour @Greenlyblue @emmaev @temporaryissue @gubleryum @msmb @marauderswhore07 @st0nesnglitter  @miraclesoflove @shadesofvelma @drachoesimp @ashlovesthemarauders @artemis1orion @skaratjung @ava-brooke-blog1 @fairyprettygirly @Ohwowimlonley @padfootswife @roonilwazlibswhore @swearingsolemnly @Teenwolfbitches28 @lilypad-55449 @jamespotterslover @lilytheally @mo-jean @jeannelupinblack @wh0reforthemarauders @myalupinblack @ashesandstars @daisyyy2516 @siriusmydeer @remugoodgirl @itzstacie @planet-wolfstar @steveharringtonswhore @saintlike78 @thatdummymarie @cedricisnotdead @pretty-pop-princess-hs @saggyb1lls

[never-ending-fanfic]

I guessed it

Let me rant

Star Wars as of the entirety of it was my dear fixation once around junior high, then I got into atla and voltron for a while and forgot about it. My point is, the fixation happened before the premiere of Rebels and only carried on during it's early seasons, then it stopped and I found something else, so I missed out on the premieres of the rest of the seasons.

Then one summer a few years ago, I needed some background noise and rewatched 1st season of Rebels and then carried on with the rest that I never saw before (I watched the 1st season when it first aired in my country, if I recall correctly). I had NO knowledge of the rest of the seasons, because I haven't been interested in Star Wars for years at that point. By the time I watched the 2nd season I suspected this might turn into fixation again and I was totally okay with it.

Back to Kallus tho

It's safe to say I hated his guts early on and literally at the beginning of 'The Honourable Ones' I still couldn't stand him. I had no idea what would happen in that episode, I went in completely blind. Which was just perfect, because by the time I realised what was happening (if I recall correctly, my exact thoughts were: am I about to witness 'enemies have to work together' trope? Yes past me, that's exactly that and more) it stopped being simply background show to my other hobbies. I watched that episode and as I learned about Kallus, I was shocked to see that I had some sympathy growing in me for him. It started around the moment he decided not to shoot Zeb but instead the creature- that was the moment I went 'there's still something in him, then'. And it only got more intense. Especially at the end. I specifically remember recording a voice message to my Star Wars Clueless Bestie™ explaining everything in detail and how I hope that Kallus turns good and that the creators don't miss a chance to be fucking iconic with his redemption arc. By the time I reached the momemt he came back, I was fully convinced that it was happening.

Then he was not in a few episodes, so I forgot about it and lost a bit of that hope that stirred in me then. UNTIL that one Fulcrum transmission. No idea how exactly it sounds in English, but in Polish the voice was not very easily recognisable through the transmission, the only thing I had was the mannerisms of the one speaking and I remember having so. much. hope. SO MUCH HOPE that it was Kallus. I was not sure, I only knew I wanted it to happen. And I was so ready for that (ask my friend, she was so done with me).

I think you can easily guess that I squeaked and screamed and ran around my room at the reveal in 'The Inside Man'.

It wasn't an unexpected plot twist, by any means considering the earlier episodes, but as a person who watched the sequels before Rebels, you can imagine I had little faith in well done spy trope (no shade for my sequel enthusiasts tho, I didn't specifically enjoy Hux's 'I'm the spy' moment). A part of me was ready to see the creators forget the already started trope and throw it in garbage. It happened before, after all. I would have been heartbroken, but I wouldn't have been surprised.

But then they didn't. They specifically went and made it happen and gave Kallus actual growth and actual character arc. That felt like a personal victory to me.

This was something. This felt earned. Earned by Kallus, yes, but earned by me and my hope that started at 'The Honourable Ones' and only grew the longer it lasted. Until the hope came true and I went feral

Thank you, that's my story

I came very late to the SWR fandom (the first time. I’ve come and gone for a long time since) but I just. I can’t help wondering what it was like when ‘An Inside Man’ first aired and it went from ‘there are rebels in the assembly line’ to ‘Oh yeah Kallus is Fulcrum’

But at the same time he’s acting Sooooo shady when he happens to be in the season before hand so I wonder how many people guessed.

[memryse]

many thoughts about Scar in Last Life

We all know Scar is one of the standouts of Last Life; he’s always been one of the key players ever since 3rd Life, driving conflicts and shaping the course of the server. His chaotic nature lends itself perfectly to 3rd/Last Life, and he seems to have only refined it in the hiatus between seasons.

In 3rd Life, Scar was more of a subjective villain. From his own perspective and Grian’s perspective, he wasn’t scary at all! The two of them were just having fun and causing problems – sure, they threatened people, but their dumb antics together made them just feel like two friends messing around; their POV was lighthearted until the final session, really. From other perspectives, however (particularly Dogwarts’ POVs), that was not how the two of them came across. They felt malicious, scary in how casually they approached such a bloodthirsty game. They’d laugh as they took lives, showing no care for anybody but themselves – they’d betray their allies in a heartbeat without an ounce of remorse, and the rest of the players knew it. Scar wasn’t someone to fear from his own POV.

Since Last Life began, however, Scar has become very openly malicious. Even watching his own POV, it’s hard to see him as anything but a villain – his own comment section is full of people commenting on how scary he suddenly seems. I want to expand on some of these villainous moments, because holy fuck, Scar.

In session 1, Scar is certainly a prominent figure, but we mostly get to see his classic silly Scar antics. Sure, he plans on “selling souls”, but it feels like the equivalent of his reputation points in S1. We still don’t get the sense of him going full villain arc yet. He allies with Joel and commits a crime, and we all expect another lighthearted Scar scam which definitely does not go to plan.

And that is what happened… sort of. He’s immediately caught by Scott and Pearl, etc etc etc. The two of them cheerfully agree a scheme to try and kill Jimmy, but that casual discussion of murder is as bad as they get.

Session 2, Scar is chosen as one of the two boogeymen, alongside Joel.

Things go decidedly not to plan immediately. The two of them had agreed last session to try and kill Jimmy, and were supposed to be trusting enough to tell each other if they’re the boogeyman – and yet what does Scar do? Immediately try and push Joel into lava. He’d betray Joel without a second thought – already a contrast to 3rdLife, where upon turning red Scar threw flowers at Grian and asked if they could still be friends. He doesn’t succeed, of course, and Scar and Joel realise they’re both boogeymen, before parting ways.

Scar heads to the nether, where he immediately decides to deceive Etho and Bdubs into thinking he’s weak and has no food, so that he can get close to them nonthreateningly or something. I’ll talk about this more later, but here we get to see what a good liar Scar actually is. People want to assume that he’s all bark and no bite, that he’s a schemer who poses no real threat – when Scar plays into this, he can be reallyconvincing.

The next big moment I want to talk about is, of course, Joel’s trap. The first thing to comment on here is that Scar cries “Joel, are you trying to kill your best buddy?!”, and I can’t work out whether this is Scar acting to diffuse suspicion, or genuine surprise that he’d pull the trap when Scar was right there, but either way it definitely has the former effect. None of the Southlanders suspect Scar in the slightest. Until Scar murders Mumbo in a matter of seconds.

What’s really horrifying about this is that Scar had been begging Mumbo to ally with him just last session. And yet here… not only does he go for Mumbo without hesitation, his reaction afterwards is downright chilling. He just laughs, and tells the others “Welcome to Magical Mountain!” – it’s really quite like a movie villain in how little he seems to care. He doesn’t actually say a word about killing Mumbo; again, despite having desperately wanted to ally with him. To Scar, this was nothing more than an opportunity. Or maybe it’s all a show to him. Maybe it’s both. Scar doesn’t actually care about winning this game – to him, it’s more fun to put on as good a show as possible, and drag as many people down with him as possible (which is definitely a “cc!Scar being a good entertainer” thing, but it translates very well into being a LL!Scar character trait too).

He then hands Joel some supplies, and with the exact same level of nonchalance, tells him to go burn Scott and Pearl’s house down. I’m… getting the sense he enjoyed burning down Etho’s castle in 3rdLife.

Not much of note happens during his subsequent conversation with the Southlanders beyond him failing an initiation spectacularly – after this, he heads back to Joel. They chat from opposite ends of a broken bridge, which is quite a poetic scene honestly, representing the gap between their lives, the destruction of their alliance, etc. I’m just here to talk about Scar’s villainous moments, though, so let me point out one specific line from this conversation.

“I did avenge you, to be fair - Mumbo, I burned him to death, which was enjoyable. I heard him cry, so it was- yeah, that was a thing.”

Just… what the fuck, Scar? What? I know he tried to push the “red lives are psychopathic and feel nothing except a small sense of happiness when people die” in 3rd Life, but this was definitely a lie or at least an exaggeration, because 3l!Scar definitely had a much wider range of emotions than that. Either way, here he doesn’t even have the excuse of being a red life; this is just active malice, pure and simple. Bdubs had a similar level of pride in his boogeyman kill, but I never got the sense that he enjoyed it like Scar did.

Scar goes off to visit Scott and Pearl, and figure out whether they have the enchanting table or not. Note the emphasis on simply figuring it out, not actually getting the enchanting table. Here’s where I want to talk about Scar being a great liar: he fully convinces them into thinking that he was willing to trade lives for the enchanting table, and then he convinces them that he’s so desperate to get the table that he’ll lie about Joel burning their house down. The thing is, Scar had no intention of ever getting the table at that moment – he wasn’t going to trade lives for it to begin with. He’d try his luck at threatening them, but nothing more. He got exactly what he wanted out of that situation: proof. Meanwhile, Scott and Pearl were left believing they’d outwitted him, that they’d called his bluff and bullied him into leaving. They never saw his true intentions, never saw him as an actual threat. Scar is much smarter than people believe, which only makes him all the more threatening.

And finally, he goes on to prove this intelligence even further. He figures out that Scott and Pearl planned to trade for the enchanting table simply by seeing Scott ask Lizzie if she’s home in chat. He then goes to visit Lizzie, and she tells him she declined their offer. What’s notable about this scene is how much less belligerent Scar is than usual: he readily accepts what Lizzie says for once in his life and leaves without being too annoying about it. He later talks about lulling the others into a false sense of security, letting them think he’s not after the enchanting table anymore; that makes me think his visit to Lizzie was purely to confirm that the offer was even made, and he’s now certain that she accepted it. It’s not hard to work out, especially if he noticed her life count.

So, all in all, if you’re not scared of Scar in Last Life, you most definitely should be.

Did I forget to mention he’s currently tied for the highest life count on the server?

[salazarslytherin]

full (r.l x y/n)

requested: yes! [hi i got a request! can u write a smut where remus has a breeding kink and he’s scared that it’ll freak the reader out but she’s actually rlly into it n he just cums a lot into her (this is probably the spiciest thing i’ve ever typed in my life 💀💀)] send in your own request here!

🃛 masterlist!

cw/tw: tiny bit of angst at the beginning, insecurities?, breeding!kink, slight degradation, fem!reader, handjob, fingering etc. just SMUT.

word count: 2.3k

a/n: i hope you like it y'all! if you do, pls do reblog/follow!! x

☯︎ join tag list here tag list: @marvelslut16, @siriusbarnesslut, @marimorena06, @weasleysbitch2, @reg-arcturus-black

Remus had been avoiding you for the past three days. Three days since you’d spoken to your boyfriend, two and half since you’d even seen him. It sucked.

The reasoning behind it was somehow worse - you’d tried to tell him you wanted to sleep with him, and he had literally run away.

So you were set on finding the boy and talking it out , and if it came to it, breaking up with him.

You didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want you, especially to the extent of intentional avoidance.

You were in a relationship, not an extended game of hide and seek.

So you’d concocted a plan - Tuesdays were when the other boys had quidditch practice, and Remus would be in his dorm on his own for at least three hours, studying, doing homework, or whatever it was that he would do on his own.

Now, today was Tuesday, which meant that tomorrow morning you’d either be very satisfied, or very single.

You weren't even quite certain what you'd expected to come out of the confrontation – a screaming match where you found out all the reasons why he didn't want you? A startling confession where you found out that your boyfriend was a virgin?

Nevertheless, you stalked towards the Marauders' dorm room, intent on confronting him, only to falter as you reached the heavy doors, hearing sounds coming from the other side.

Registering what the noises were, you ground your teeth loudly, clenching your jaw as you gripped the doorknob.

"Oh fuck off."

⚔︎

You slammed the door open, Remus rolling off his bed in shock at the sound.

"Are you joking?!"

Remus looked at you in confusion and fear, kneeling beside the bed with his head peeking over the side, a sheepish blush coating his cheeks.

"Um, Y/N, do you mind? I was kind of in the middle of something..."

You let out a laugh of exasperation, throwing your schoolbag on the ground in frustration.

"Yeah, I know. I could hear you outside. Am I just so unattractive to you, that I basically tell you to fuck me and you had to run away from me? You'd rather fuck your own hand than me?!"

Bending over to pick up your bag, you could practically your heart breaking as Remus scrambled to put on his pants.

Your fears had been confirmed – he didn't find you as attractive as you found him, and it hurt. You just wanted to run far, far away from him, to hide yourself away and be able to release the tears that were threatening to escape.

But as you turned to run from the room, that familiar grasp landed on your wrist, stopping you from leaving the dreaded place.

"Y/N, wait–"

"No, I get it, okay? I don't need to hear you say it out loud."

Your voice cracked as you tried to wrench your hand out of the werewolf's grip, unable to hide your sadness and hurt as you were turned to face the boy.

"Y/N! Please, let me explain myself, please. If you want to leave afterwards, you can. I just, please?"

You didn't really want to hear his explanations, but some masochistic, yet hopeful, part of you wanted to know just why he didn't want you.

Maybe you could change for him?

You relaxed in his arms, still not quite looking into Remus' arms as you no longer made any attempts to run away.

"You're right, I did run away from you when you said you were ready to sleep with me."

Your eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to hear the rest of his words.

"But that's just because I was afraid you wouldn't want to be with me anymore if I told you what I wanted."

Your eyes opened slowly as you lifted your head to look at the boy, your brows furrowed in confusion as you peered at him.

"What d'you mean?"

It was Remus' turn to become flustered now, his hands moving from your side to cover his face in embarrassment.

"I–okay. You know how you thought I ran away from you because I didn't find you attractive?"

You nodded, still half-convinced that was the truth, the reason why he'd avoided you for so long.

"It, it was the opposite."

You raised a brow in disbelief, unable to stop a skeptical laugh from escaping your mouth, Remus' hands falling away from his face so he could look into your eyes.

"It's true! I, fuck this is embarrassing, and you're probably going to run away from me if I tell you the truth."

You crossed your arms with a huff.

"Well right now I'm not quite certain there is a 'truth' that you speak of! I'm quite certain you're just making it all up, trying to hide the fact that you think I'm unattractive."

Remus grit his teeth, his hands gripping your shoulders firmly as if to shake you awake.

"No! That's absurd. I, I find you so bloody attractive, and, fuck it I'm just going to say it and if you break up with me I won't even blame you. I've been having dreams of you and I, but in those dreams," Remus' hands relaxed from your shoulders, falling to his side in embarrassment, "I would, um, cum inside of you, and uh, fill you with my pups."

Your jaw fell open at the boy's admission, his right hand rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably before continuing to speak.

"And I've never even thought of that before! I think you're just so bloody hot that you've awoken some sort of primal instinct inside me, I just want to ruin you, and–and breed you. Fuck this sounds so creepy doesn't it."

You were incapable of shutting your jaw at this point. This was far from what you thought you'd hear from your boyfriend's mouth today.

"Y/N... I've scared you away, haven't I? I mean, of course you'd be freaked out..."

The boy continued to mumble to himself, terrified that he'd ruined your relationship, certain that you'd break up with him.

Contrary to what he thought though, you found his words incredibly hot.

And you'd be damned if you didn't make that a reality.

⚔︎

In the middle of Remus' ramblings, he was barely able to register that you'd moved towards him, placing your hands onto his cheeks until your soft voice rang in his ears.

"Remus?"

The brunette's eyes snapped to meet yours, gaze darting between each of your eyes as he awaited your words.

"Fucking ruin me, please."

Before the last word even left your mouth fully, Remus was already on top of you, his lips capturing yours hungrily, like you were his first meal in weeks and he was dying to have you.

As Remus devoured you, he backed the two of you onto his bed, his legs lodged between yours as you gripped onto his neck, eager to have him.

You arched your back as you were overcome with need, trying desperately to grind your clothed cunt onto his hard-on, but the boy only tutted at you, moving away from your lips to push your hips down on the bed.

"Such a desperate little slut, hmm?"

You only whined in return, trying to grind into his legs that were between you, Remus smirking down at you.

"Take your clothes off love."

Your hands moved to unbutton your school shirt without a second word, fingers moving in a flurry to throw it off before tossing your bra across the room, Remus moving at very much the same speed as he removed his clothes.

You both quickly found yourselves naked, admiring each other through lust-filled eyes as the boy lowered himself slowly towards you, his lips ghosting over yours as you laid yourself back down.

"So beautiful."

His lips quickly captured yours, both your hands exploring each other's bodies for the first time – tingles of excitement running through your bodies.

Your hands traced his scars as his ran down your curves, him stopping to suck in a breath as you cupped his cock, fully hardened under your fingers.

"Fuck, don't tease me Y/N."

You only licked the boy's lips in return, but was treated with a taste of your own medicine as his hand brushed your lower lips softly, tracing your slit teasingly slowly.

"Remus... Please."

Your cupped hand became a grip – encircling the werewolf's member as you began to pump up and down his shaft slowly, eliciting a low moan from Remus.

He responded by slipping a finger into you, the kiss broken as both your lips were preoccupied with a mixture of swears and moans, asking the other to hasten their pace as you two built up your orgasms.

"Wait, fuck stop. Stop Y/N."

Remus' other hand came to stop your hand as he kept himself up on his knees, pulling away from your close contact to look into your eyes.

"'m too fucking close, wanna cum inside you."

You swore you could feel your eyes darken at the boy's words, and so did his.

"Then fuck me."

⚔︎

Remus gripped your thighs tightly as he kissed down your body, spreading your legs and leaving a kiss on your soaking centre. You let out a shaky moan as he planted his tongue against it, licking a stripe up your lips.

"For next time."

The boy moved back up your body, his head hovering over yours as he looked down at his cock, pumping the already erect shaft before tracing his head along your lips.

"R-Remus, please. Want to feel you inside me."

The boy tutted at you mockingly, before sinking himself inside you slowly, moaning at the feeling of your walls stretching around him.

"Fuck, you're so tight baby."

You moaned around him in a mix of pain and pleasure – his fingers not at all preparing you for his cock, stretching you in a way that none of your exes could ever compete with.

"You're so big Re, please, fuck."

Remus pressed a wet kiss to your forehead, his face contorted in pleasure as he awaited your green light to start moving.

After a moment, you nodded as the feeling of being full sent tingles down your spine, letting out a loud moan as the boy began moving out of you slowly, shifting himself so he could grip your hips more firmly for support.

"F-faster."

You muttered out as you clenched your walls around Remus, your orgasm already building from when he prepared you.

"Yeah, my desperate little slut wants me to go faster?"

His hips hastened the speed as his words made you whine loudly, his head lowering to leave kisses on your neck, marking you for the world to see.

“I’m close Re, fuck.”

“Me too princess.”

The boy buried his face into your neck as he began twitching inside of you, his speed faltering for a second as he let out a moan that could border on animalistic, cumming inside you.

The feeling of being filled more than you knew possible pushed you over the edge as Remus continued thrusting his seed deeper into you, moaning as your walls fluttered around him, cumming at the feeling of your boyfriend inside you.

"You look so fucking gorgeous right now love, such a good little cumslut for me, hmm?"

You could only whine in response as Remus continued fucking into you, his cock hardening yet again at the thought of you full of him.

"Gonna look so pretty filled with m'pups, love. Going to fill you up over and over and over again, watch my cum leak out of you because of how full you are."

You moaned at Remus' filthy words, turning to kiss his neck, softly nibbling on his earlobe as you gripped onto his shoulders.

"Yes Re, fuck. Fill me up, feel so good with you inside me. Making me feel so full. Wanna have your pups, want you to cum inside me. Make me yours Re."

It didn't take long for a second orgasm to start building, and it definitely didn't help that Remus had moved one hand to start rubbing at your clit, making you moan at the overstimulation.

"Feel good, hmm, love?"

You nodded into the boy's neck, your eyes squeezed shut as pleasure coursed throughout your body, unable to process proper words. The only sounds that filled the room were the sinful slaps of skin against skin, and a faint noise that made you blush.

It was the sound of Remus' cock slipping in and out of you, slick with the combination of both of your cum.

"Re, I-, fuck, close, again."

Unable to string together a proper sentence, your walls began fluttering around Remus yet again.

"So am I love. You feel so good, making me lose control. Wait for me, we'll cum together."

Your eyes rolled backwards, waiting for Remus. The task seemed impossible as pleasure pulsed throughout your body, your toes curling and legs shaking at the feelings.

"Re, please, I need to cum so badly. You feel so good."

Your nails dug into Remus' back, the feeling burning into him and making him groan into your neck.

"Yes, fuck Y/N. Cum with me love."

Finally able to release, you let out a moan that bordered on pornographic, seeing stars as your eyes squeezed shut much harder than before. You felt ropes of Remus' cum hit your walls, another animalistic groan reaching your ears as he bit into your neck, making you moan softly in the midst of a post-orgasmic bliss.

Panting, your chests rose and fall in tandem as Remus fell on top of you, his cock limp inside you. After a moment, he spoke up.

"Y'know you squirted?"

Your eyes shot open, staring at the boy who craned his neck to look down at you.

"I-, what?"

The werewolf let out a boyish smile, tongue running over his teeth as he stared down at you.

"It was hot."