#i wanted to go for a liminal space kinda vibe...

[jungkoode]

𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 17

˗ˏˋ reconnecting ˎˊ˗

"Fridays are not always the best day of the week, you can vouch for this one at least. It's Emma's birthday party and you're not sure you two still vibe together or not after all this time. And coming home... you don't expect Jungkook to be awake, especially not with your cold war going on. But he is."

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⋆｡°✩ chapter details ✩°｡⋆

word count: 9,6k

content: begrudgingly gift-shopping, hidden treasures, old vs new friendships, reconnecting, pretty girls and the inability to discern whether it's flirting or polite talk, AM talks, actually listening (thank god, progress!), and vanilla kink striking again because jungkook in this fic has free will and i cannot control him

✧ author's note ✧

WASSSSSUPPPP my peoplessss!!

Okay so here’s Chapter 17—aka the chapter where all of you start collectively projecting your unresolved issues with your high school best friend, your fuckboy roommate, and your local pastel/goth lesbian duo. I say that with love.

Now LISTEN. I keep raising the bar for this story like but honestly?? That’s on YOU. You absolute feral gremlins with your “when’s the next update” comments like I’m a vending machine that dispenses emotional damage. (It’s fine. I thrive under fear and pressure. You’re welcome.)

About this chapter!! So my initial plan was for Nix to buy Jungkook an actual vinyl player… until I did the research and realized those bitches go for 150-300 bucks even secondhand. Be fr. They are NOT in a relationship. This man is her hot emotional disaster roommate who’s been beefing with her for three days and literally slammed a door at her. I would not spend a single euro on that man beyond what is legally required. Fifteen dollars for a John Mayer record? That’s the sweet spot. It says “I hate you but I know what music you like and I think about you when you’re not around and that makes me want to bite drywall.”

Also: if you know that Inside Wants Out is an early acoustic EP that’s kinda slept on but has a few gut-wrenching tracks about vulnerability and romantic ambivalence… well. Have fun.

Now shut up because I love writing female friendships and this chapter is my offering to the goddesses of sapphic chaos. Yeji and Irya being absolute queens??? We love. But also EMMA. Emma and that awkward tension of do we still fit? Did we ever really know each other or was it just proximity and hormones and being stuck in the same suburban hellscape? That shit is SO REAL. Reuniting with old friends is like a spiritual liminal space and I needed to capture that gnawing weirdness.

AND JIMIN. The eyeliner scene??? I almost CRIED writing it. I had to pause. That man is so soft it makes me want to shove him into a pillow fort and protect him from the world. He’s so good. He sees her, without wanting anything in return. You better analyze it or I’ll strangle every single one of you.

Now. Regarding the very tense bathroom cologne scene. I was actually going to drag the cold war out longer, truly. I had plans. But Jungkook opened his slutty little mouth and said, “No, actually, I’m feral and I’ve been suffering in silence and she smells like sex and nostalgia and I must act.” And what was I supposed to do? Argue? Please. I have 0 narrative agency here. That much is clear.

Also his birthday is coming. So like. I didn’t want to enter that subplot with them still fake-ignoring each other like divorced parents. You’re welcome.

ANYWAY. The next few chapters are slower paced but VERY important. It’s all those little moments where the characters start changing without realizing it. The kind of growth you only see in hindsight. The slow part of the slow burn. But I swear to god I’m obsessed with how it’s turning out and I just want to share it with you and roll around in the angst like a dog in grass.

Okay that’s all. I love you. Go scream in the comments or eat drywall. Or both! <3 Mwah.

⋆｡°✩ read on✩°｡⋆

ao3

wattpad

Fridays aren't supposed to sneak up on you like a debt collector with something to prove.

Usually, you spend the whole week crawling toward Friday like it's an oasis in the desert of your existence. Monday is hell. Tuesday is hell's waiting room. Wednesday offers a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the week won't actually kill you. Thursday is its own special brand of torture—so close to freedom you can taste it, but still trapped in the purgatory of obligation.

And then: Friday. 

Glorious, beautiful Friday.

Except this one. This one materialized out of nowhere, ambushing you with its presence and the sudden, horrifying realization that you have exactly zero hours to prepare for what's coming.

So here you are, somehow already standing in a flea market that smells like mothballs and questionable life choices, watching Yeji hold up a fishnet... something against her body while Irya coos over crystals that probably came from the dollar store.

"What do you think?" Yeji asks, draping the fishnet monstrosity over her shoulders. "Is it giving 'fashion-forward' or 'I found this in a dumpster'?"

"Definitely dumpster," you mutter, eyes scanning the crowded stalls without really seeing them. 

Because your mind? Your mind is elsewhere—specifically on the fact that you still need to find a birthday gift for your insufferable roommate.

Jungkook. 

Just thinking his name makes your jaw clench. 

It's been three days since your argument, and the apartment has been a cold war zone of pointed silences and aggressive door closing. 

He wants to be petty? Fine. You can be petty right back. Twice as petty, even. So you’re not talking to him either.

"Hello?” Yeji waves a hand in front of your face. "You've been staring at that old guy selling taxidermy squirrels for like, two minutes straight. Should I be concerned?"

You blink, refocusing. "What? No. I'm just... looking."

"For what exactly?" Irya appears at your side, a small purple crystal clutched in her palm. "You said you already got Emma's birthday present."

"Just browsing," you lie smoothly. "Flea markets are full of... treasures."

Yeji snorts. "Since when do you care about 'treasures'? Last time I dragged you to a vintage store, you said it smelled like 'dead people's closets.'"

“No I didn’t.”

"Right." Yeji doesn't look convinced, but she's already distracted by a display of chunky silver rings. "I'm gonna check these out. Meet you at the food trucks in twenty?"

You nod, grateful for the chance to browse alone. Not that you have any fucking clue what to get Jungkook. What do you buy for someone whose entire personality seems to be "brooding film student with inexplicably good taste in coffee"?

It is like an abandoned warehouse, this flea market—stalls crammed together in haphazard rows, hipsters and bargain hunters elbowing past each other, haggling over everything from antique doorknobs to hand-knitted beanies that look like they were made by someone's cat…

You wander aimlessly, passing stalls selling vintage cameras (too expensive), artisanal coffee beans (too obvious), and leather-bound journals (too pretentious, even for him). 

Nothing feels right. 

Not that it matters—it's just a stupid obligation gift. You shouldn't care this much.

But you do. And that's annoying as fuck.

Then, a rickety table stacked with milk crates catches your eye—or rather, the handwritten sign that reads "RECORDS $5-20" in faded Sharpie. 

The elderly man behind the table looks like he's been selling vinyl since before your parents were born, his weathered hands carefully flipping through a box as a customer asks about some obscure band.

You wait until they leave, then approach, trying to look like someone who actually knows something about records. The crates are dusty, disorganized, with no apparent system. Just hundreds of albums crammed together like sardines.

"Looking for anything specific?" the old man asks, voice gravelly from what you assume are decades of cigarettes.

"Just browsing," you say, already flipping through the nearest crate.

Most of the covers are faded, corners bent, some with water damage or mysterious stains you'd rather not identify. You recognize maybe one in ten artists—a lot of jazz, classic rock, some folk singers your dad probably listened to in college.

This is stupid. You don't know what you're looking for. Jungkook collects vinyl but doesn't even own a record player. What kind of pretentious bullshit is that? It's like buying books just to display them on a shelf without reading them.

You're about to give up when your fingers pause on a familiar name.

John Mayer.

The album cover is slightly worn at the edges, but otherwise in decent condition. 

"Inside Wants Out," it says in simple white letters against the picture of a dude (you guess it’s John) in the background. 

You don’t recognize it at all.

But Jungkook listens to him. His vynil collection is basically a shrine to him. 

So you ask "how much?", holding up the record.

The old man squints. "Fifteen."

Fifteen bucks. Okay, that’s... actually reasonable. Not so expensive that it seems like you care, but not so cheap that it looks like an afterthought. 

Just a casual, "hey, saw this and thought of your weird vinyl collection" kind of gift.

Perfect.

"I'll take it," you say, already digging in your bag for your wallet.

The man slides the record into a paper sleeve, takes your money, and hands you your change with a nod. 

Transaction complete. Gift acquired. Problem solved.

You tuck the record under your arm, feeling oddly satisfied despite yourself. It's just a record. Just a stupid birthday gift for your annoying roommate who thinks he knows everything about everyone, including your taste in men.

But as you weave through the crowd toward the food trucks, you can't help but wonder if he'll like it. If his face will do that thing—that brief, unguarded thing where his eyes light up before he remembers he's supposed to be all cool and detached.

Not that you care. You're just fulfilling a social obligation. That's all.

That's absolutely all.

"Did you actually buy something?" Yeji asks when you reach her, eyeing the record under your arm. "Since when are you into vinyl?"

"Just decoration. For the vinyl wall.”

Irya peers at it. "John Mayer? Isn't he like, your dad's music?"

"He's not that old," you find yourself saying, then immediately wonder why you're defending John fucking Mayer of all people. "And anyway, it was cheap."

"Whatever you say." Yeji shrugs, then holds up a small paper bag. "I got those earrings we saw last week. The ones that look like little daggers."

"Nice," you nod, grateful for the subject change. "I'm starving. Can we get food now?"

As you follow them toward the food trucks, you resist the urge to check the record again, to make sure it's not too scratched or damaged. It doesn't matter. It's just a record. Just a gift.

Just something to cross off your to-do list before Emma's birthday tonight and Jungkook's surprise dinner tomorrow.

Nearing the trucks, suddenly everything smells good. Too good. The kind of good that makes decision-making a fucking nightmare.

You slow your steps, scanning the options.

One truck’s got sizzling skewers of grilled meat, charred at the edges, dripping onto soft pita. Another is doing fresh arepas, the scent of melted cheese thick and indulgent in the air. A few feet away, some guy with tattooed knuckles and an unreasonably aggressive beanie is ladling out steaming bowls of Vietnamese pho.

And then there’s the birria taco stand—because of course there is—and the line is criminally long, people clutching Styrofoam trays of consommé like their lives depend on it.

Your stomach rumbles.

By the time you settle on something—one of those ridiculous but beautiful smash burgers, glossy brioche bun soaking up all that greasy, caramelized goodness—you barely get your wallet out before Yeji hip-checks you out of the way.

“I pay, I pay, I pay,” she announces, tapping her phone against the card reader with swift finality.

You blink. “Okay, what?”

Yeji grins, entirely too pleased with herself. “Well, I’m obviously paying for my beautiful girlfriend, and I kinda figured I’d put you in the package deal.”

You snort, giving her a shove. “Fine. But beers later on me.”

“Deal,” she says easily, tossing the receipt onto the counter like a Wall Street exec closing a million-dollar deal.

Irya latches onto your arm, steering you out of the way so Yeji can continue flirting with the guy behind the counter—some blue-haired, too-many-rings kind of guy who’s already leaning into it, smirking as Yeji compliments his “artistry” with the grill.

“She’s ridiculous,” you mutter.

Irya hums, but there’s amusement in her eyes as she grabs your food, balancing her own order on top of yours. “Just my type of ridiculous.”

You shake your head, leading the way toward a set of old picnic tables at the edge of the food truck lot. The wood is worn, graffiti-scratched and dented from years of use, but it’s clean enough. You drop into a seat, setting your tray down, and Irya follows, sliding in across from you.

She sets her elbow on the table, chin resting lightly in her palm, and smiles. A lock of blonde hair falls loose, catching the light, and she tucks it back behind her ear absently.

“So, Emma’s birthday tonight?”

You unwrap your burger, glancing up at her. “Yeah.”

She studies you for a second, eyes warm. “Excited?”

You hesitate. 

“Yeah,” you say again, but it comes out different this time. Not untrue, exactly, but not as sure as it should be.

Irya notices. Tilts her head slightly, patient, the corners of her mouth tugging into something knowing. 

“You don’t have to be.”

A breath of something close to laughter slips out of you.

 “I mean, I am excited,” you say, because you are. “It’s just—it’s been a while. We used to be really close in high school, but then, you know… life.”

Irya nods, thumb idly tracing the grain of the table. “She’s in Columbia, right?”

“Yeah. I stayed in-state for a bit before moving here. Different cities, different schools, different everything.” You shrug, picking at the edge of the wax paper lining your tray. “We tried to keep in touch, but it’s not the same when you’re not living through the same things anymore. And then you just… don’t talk as much. And then that becomes normal.”

“And now?”

“Now she’s in the city, and I guess we’re both trying to reconnect.”

“That’s good,” Irya says, and she means it. “It’s nice when people want to find their way back to each other.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, glancing down at your food, pushing a fry through the puddle of ketchup on your tray. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Irya watches you, quiet for a second. Then—

“She’s inviting a lot of people, right?”

You nod, grateful for the slight shift in direction. “Yeah. Told me to bring people, too, so I figured you and Yeji. Maybe Jimin.”

“Jimin would love that.” Irya grins. “He’s been in study-group hell all week. He deserves some fun.”

“You think?” You manage to say whilst chewing on the potato. “I thought I wouldn’t be doing him any favors. Like, he’s the type of person to say yes just out of obligation. And I didn’t want to pressure him into anything.”

Irya makes a soft sound of amusement, propping her chin in her palm. “Nah. If Jimin really didn’t want to go, he’d find a way to say no without actually saying no.”

You pause mid-chew. “What does that mean?”

“It means he’d do that thing where he apologizes like, three different ways in the same sentence, but somehow, you still walk away not totally sure if he said yes or no.”

You snort, swallowing. “Okay, yeah. That sounds about right.”

Irya grins, poking at her fries. “And anyway, he actually likes going out. He just overthinks it first.”

“You say that like you’re sure.”

“I am sure,” she says breezily. “I have classes with him. I watch it happen in real time.”

“Real time?”

“Oh, yeah. Like, someone invites him somewhere, and you can see him start to spiral. Like, ‘Okay, but what if I go and I regret it? But what if I don’t go and I regret that instead? But what if I go, but it’s not fun? But what if I don’t go, and it was fun, and now I’m missing out?’” She mimics his voice, exaggerated and tragic, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, but that is a valid crisis.”

“It is,” Irya agrees, laughing too. “But the point is, once he actually gets there, he has a good time.” She levels you with a look, half teasing, half expectant. “So invite him.”

You sigh, reaching for another fry. “Fine.”

And then—

“I got us free dumplings.”

Yeji appears out of nowhere, sliding into the seat next to Irya and dropping a white takeout box onto the table like she’s just secured a goddamn business deal.

You blink. “How?”

She shrugs, already reaching for a dumpling. “Wouldn’t take my money.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Irya hums, all faux-innocent. “Didn’t happen to have anything to do with that very long, very intimate conversation you were having with the guy behind the counter, did it?”

Yeji smirks around a bite of dumpling. “I dunno. Did it?”

You snort, shaking your head. “Men and their non-existent gaydars.”

“Right? Kinda sucks when she grabs all their attention,” Irya smiles, reaching for a dumpling of her own.

“Not my fault he was easy to entertain,” Yeji says, looking entirely unbothered. “Anyway, eat. They’re fresh.”

You don’t argue. The dumplings are good—warm, crisp at the edges, the filling rich with just the right balance of spice.

Yeji watches you for a second, chewing thoughtfully. “So what were we talking about?”

“Jimin,” Irya supplies.

Yeji groans. “Ugh. Tragic little academic. Is he still alive?”

Irya nods, popping a dumpling into her mouth. “Barely. But we’re dragging him to Emma’s party tonight, so he might actually remember what fun feels like.”

Yeji quirks an eyebrow, chewing slowly. “Emma?” She flicks a glance at you. “Your other friend? Birthday girl?”

You take a sip of your drink. “Mmhm.”

Yeji hums, tapping her chopsticks against the takeout box. “Bestie competition, then.”

You nearly choke. “Oh my god.”

Irya grins, delighted. “It is kind of serious. High school bestie versus new college besties.”

Yeji tilts her head, considering. “I don’t know, man. Legacy friends have an unfair advantage. History. Nostalgia.”

“Yeah,” Irya sighs, fake mournful. “How can we ever compete with the memories?”

You level them both with a flat look. “You’ve known me for a month.”

Yeji leans back. “It’s been a whole month already? Woah.”

“We’re joking. I’m sure we’ll get along.” Irya adds.

You snort, shaking your head.

Yeji watches you for a second, still smirking, but then the expression shifts—just a little. 

“Are you excited?”

The question catches you off guard. Not because it’s unexpected, but because it’s… genuine.

You pause, setting down your cup. 

“Yeah,” you say, slower this time. “I mean, I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be—nice. A little weird, maybe. But nice.”

Yeji nods. “You gonna introduce us?”

You blink. “Uh. Yeah?”

Irya arches her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

You groan. “Oh my god, what is that supposed to mean?”

Yeji shrugs, reaching for another dumpling. “I mean, if she’s bestie material, we gotta vet her.”

“Shouldn’t she be the one vetting you two? She’s known me since I had braces and a regrettable side bang phase. Feels like she’s got seniority here.”

Yeji gasps. “Wow. So you’re saying we have no authority in this situation?”

“We really don’t.” Irya muses, almost singsonging.

“I don’t know,” Yeji muses, tapping a finger against her chin. “I feel like we bring some very important qualifications to the table. For example, we met Y/N when she was already in her fully realized, evolved form. We didn’t just settle for her because we grew up in the same town.”

You roll your eyes. “Jesus.”

Yeji nods, completely serious. “Yeah, we got to make an informed choice. Handpicked, if you will.”

“Wow, lucky me.”

Irya grins. “So lucky.”

You shake your head, reaching for another fry. “Just… behave.”

“I always behave,” Yeji says, smirking. “You’re just afraid we’ll be better besties than Emma.”

You scoff. “That’s not even remotely the issue.”

“Then what is the issue?” Irya prompts, head tilting to the side.

You hesitate. Not because you don’t know, but because saying it out loud feels like giving it weight. Giving it power.

You exhale. “It’s just—there’s a difference between keeping in touch and actually knowing someone after years apart. And I guess I don’t know if we still… fit the way we used to.”

That quiets them for a beat.

Yeji tilts her head, watching you with something unreadable in her gaze. Irya rests her chin in her palm again, a small, knowing smile playing at her lips.

“That’s fair,” Irya says, voice softer this time. “It’s weird when people grow in different directions. Sometimes you come back together. Sometimes you don’t.”

You nod, not entirely trusting yourself to speak.

“But hey,” Yeji cuts in, voice as casual as ever, “if she sucks, at least you’ll have us.”

You huff a laugh. “So generous of you.”

She winks. “I know.”

And just like that, the weight on your chest feels a little lighter.

You stare at your reflection, one eye perfectly winged, the other a smudged disaster—like your life, really: half put together, half absolute chaos.

You lean closer to the mirror, squinting at your uneven eyeliner with the kind of intense focus that FBI agents would reserve for defusing bombs or something. You've been at this for twenty minutes now, and your right eye is starting to look like it's been drawn by a five-year-old with a crayon during an earthquake.

"Fuck," you mutter, reaching for a cotton swab. 

Third time's the charm, right? 

Or maybe fifth. 

You've lost count.

From the living room, Griffin's thunderous purr competes with Yeji's animated voice. She's been trying to convince Yoongi to produce some track for her for the past fifteen minutes, her persistence almost admirable if it weren't so clearly futile. Yoongi's monotone responses barely register over the distance, but you can picture his expression—bored, unbothered, probably wanting to kill himself before engaging.

"Orange cats are literally the basic bitches of the cat world," Yeji declares loudly enough for you to hear. "Black cats have personality. They have depth. They're mysterious."

"Tell that to Griffin," Irya responds, her voice warm and amused. "He seems pretty content being basic on your lap right now."

"That's cats for you," Yeji sighs dramatically. "The least person who wants them is the one who gets them."

You smile despite your eyeliner frustration. Because it’s ironic—Yeji, who swears black cats are superior, is now trapped under Griffin's substantial orange weight. 

That's karma, feline edition.

You’re wearing a dress to the gathering—the same one from that night in January. You've worn it exactly once since buying it, and now it's making its second appearance. 

It's not like you planned it this way. It just happened to be the perfect outfit for Emma's birthday dinner. 

(At least that's what you tell yourself as you deliberately avoid examining your motives too closely.)

Emma. Your high school friend. Your only real connection to your life before college. 

Before this apartment. 

Before Jungkook. 

You haven't seen her in months (since that night in January), and there's a strange anxiety bubbling in your stomach that has nothing to do with your makeup struggles. 

You did vibe back then. But… was it a ‘we vibe because we are going out’ situation; or was it because you two actually connected?

People change. You've changed. The question hanging in the air is whether you've changed in compatible ways.

At least you won't be alone tonight. Emma said you could bring friends, so naturally, you are bringing them along.

You dab at your eyeliner again, smudging it further. Great. Now you look like you've been punched. Or crying. Or both.

A soft knock on the door interrupts your silent self-criticism.

"Come in," you call, not bothering to hide your frustration. It's not like anyone in this apartment hasn't seen you in various states of disaster before.

The door creaks open, and Jimin's face appears in the gap, his expression shifting from curious to sympathetic as he takes in your makeup situation.

"Having trouble?" he asks, stepping into the small bathroom. 

The space immediately feels warmer with him in it. Jimin has that effect—like a human comfort blanket.

"What gave it away?" you deadpan, gesturing to your face. "The fact that I look like I let a toddler do my makeup, or the fact that I've been in here for half an hour?"

He laughs softly, the sound gentle and reassuring. "It's not that bad."

"Liar."

"Okay, it's a little uneven," he admits, moving closer to examine your handiwork. His eyes narrow slightly as he studies your face with unexpected intensity. "Let me."

Before you can respond, he's taking the eyeliner from your hand, his fingers brushing against yours in a brief moment of warmth.

"You know how to do this?" you ask, surprised.

"I have sisters," he says simply, which doesn't really answer your question, but you don't push it. "Close your eye," he instructs, his voice soft but confident.

You comply, feeling the gentle pressure of his hand steadying your face. His touch is light, precise—and you can’t help but feel this is some sort of significant moment. 

"Stay still," he murmurs, and you can sense the smile forming on his lips.

The eyeliner glides across your lid with surprising smoothness. One stroke, then another. No hesitation in his movement. You're impressed and a little confused by his skill, but mostly grateful.

"Where did you learn to—"

"Shh," he interrupts. "No talking or I'll mess up."

You fall silent, letting him work. There's something about Jimin that's always made you curious. He's like a book with half the pages glued together—what you can read is beautiful, but you sense there's more to the story.

"Done," he announces after a moment, stepping back to admire his work. "Take a look."

You turn to the mirror and blink in surprise. The wing is perfect—sharp enough to kill a man, as Yeji herself would say. It matches the other eye exactly, creating a symmetry you couldn't achieve on your own.

"Jimin, this is..." you trail off, turning to face him. "How are you so good at this?"

He shrugs, a small, almost shy grin playing at his lips. "I just have a steady hand, I guess."

There's more to it than that—you can tell by the way he avoids your eyes, the slight flush creeping up his neck. But something tells you not to press further. 

Everyone has their secrets.

Private pieces they're not ready to share. 

You, of all people, know that.

"Well, whatever the reason, thank you," you say sincerely. "You just saved me from looking like a hot mess at Emma's birthday."

"Happy to help," he replies, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "You look beautiful."

The compliment is simple, genuine, without the weight of expectation or desire that usually accompanies such words from men. 

It's refreshing. Because you feel like Jimin sees you—really sees you—without wanting anything in return.

"We should probably get going soon," he says, glancing at his watch. "Yeji's been threatening to leave without us for the past ten minutes."

"As if she would," you scoff, reaching for your lipstick. "She's too excited about meeting Emma and judging her worthiness."

Jimin laughs. "True. Though I think she's more excited about the free food."

"Priorities," you agree with a smile.

You apply your lipstick—a muted berry shade that complements your eyeshadow without being too dramatic. The final touch to your appearance. Not too casual, not too glamorous. Perfect for a birthday dinner.

You've always loved makeup, the ritual of it, the transformation. 

Not because you're trying to hide or become someone else, but because it's an extension of yourself—another form of expression. 

You're so tired of those cliché "not like other girls" characters in movies and books who supposedly wear nothing but mascara yet somehow have flawless skin and perfect brows. 

As if enjoying makeup somehow makes you shallow or less authentic.

The truth is, most girls you know love makeup to some degree. Some for the artistry, some for the confidence boost, some just because it's fun. And you're no different. 

That doesn't make you basic or vain—it makes you human. 

A human who happens to enjoy the satisfying swipe of a good lipstick.

"Ready?" Jimin asks, holding the door open for you.

You take one last look at your reflection. The girl staring back looks put together, confident. 

Whether she actually feels that way is another story entirely, but hey—fake it till you make it, right?

"Ready," you confirm.

You're halfway out the door when you pause. 

Something's missing. The final touch.

"Oh, wait. Cologne."

Jimin nods understandingly, already retreating toward the living room. "Don't take too long or Yeji might actually follow through on her threats this time."

You turn back to the bathroom counter, sliding open the narrow drawer where your collection lives. Four different bottles stare back at you, each with its own personality, its own statement. Your fingers hover over them, indecisive, until they land on one particular bottle.

Amber, its color.

The golden liquid catches the bathroom light, glowing like trapped sunlight inside the crystal bottle. 

You haven't used it since... well, since that night in January. You've been saving it for special occasions, though what constitutes "special" has remained conveniently undefined.

You lift the bottle, turning it in your hand. You apply it to your wrists, your neck, your ears. And before you can overthink it, you bring it to your nose, inhaling lightly.

Memories unfurl instantly, blooming in your mind like clouds puffing up in a winter sky. They tumble through your consciousness, overwhelming and vivid, making it hard to breathe—though you're not entirely sure you want to.

His hands on your hips, fingers pressing into your skin with just enough pressure to leave phantom marks that lingered for days afterward. 

His slicked chin when he smiled up at you from between your thighs, all smug and proud for making you cum with his tongue. 

His infuriating, satisfied smirk that somehow annoyed you, but also turned you on.

Rosy cheeks and disheveled hair, soft eyes in the aftermath. 

You distinctly remember that was the first time you had thought Jungkook looked cute. Not just hot or sexy, but genuinely cute in a way that had caught you off guard.

And you didn't even know his name then.

The door swings open without warning.

You nearly drop the bottle, fumbling to catch it before it shatters against the tile floor. Your heart leaps into your throat as you look up, startled.

Jungkook peers inside, and you both freeze, staring at each other like you don’t know which one of you should stay and which one of you should leave. His eyes flick from your face to the bottle in your hand, recognition dawning in his expression.

A long pause.

Your eyes drift down his torso, inevitably.

He's wearing a black t-shirt that hugs his frame in all the right places, hair rumpled and messy. His rainy-like scent envelops the cramped space, mingling with the lingering notes of vanilla on your wrist like they’ve always belonged together. 

His eyes drift too. Drop lower, taking in the dress hugging your curves, fingers tightening on the doorframe, knuckles whitening with the pressure. 

You watch the subtle movement, the physical manifestation of restraint, and feel an answering tightness in your chest.

You haven't spoken since Tuesday. Since the fight about Jason. Since he suddenly starting talking about vibes like he’s the type of guy to trust his gut.

And maybe he is. 

And maybe you aren’t.

"Sorry," he says finally, breaking the silence. "Didn't know you were in here."

He avoids your gaze.

You don’t know if that makes you angry or anxious. It’s hard to determine what’s crippling your chest.

"It's fine. I was just leaving."

Neither of you moves.

His eyes drift to the cologne bottle again. Recognition, desire, frustration. 

Then, he masks it. 

But you caught it. 

He remembers the fragrance.

And how could he not? When he constantly praised it that night, how it rested on your skin, how good it made you smell, how fucking good you tasted.

"Going somewhere?" he asks then, interrupting your conflicting thoughts.

"Emma's birthday dinner," you reply, voice tight.

He nods slowly, gaze returning to the dress. The dress from that night. The dress he peeled off you with those same hands now gripping the doorframe like it's the only thing keeping him anchored.

You should move. You should cap the cologne, put it away, walk past him and join your friends who are waiting. You should maintain the cold war you've established since your fight.

Instead, you find yourself asking, "Did you need something?"

He purses his lips. "Just needed to pee.”

"Right," you say. "I'll get out of your way."

You cap the cologne, and you just know his eyes are tracking your every motion. Because that’s Jungkook for you—when he’s focused on something, it’s obvious.

You move toward the door—toward him—and it’s like suddenly, the small bathroom feels impossibly smaller. Like there’s not enough space for both of you and all the unspoken words crowding the air.

You'll have to squeeze past him. There's no way to avoid it.

His grip on the doorframe tightens further, as if he's holding himself back. From what, you're not entirely sure. Touching you? Yelling at you? Both seem equally possible.

"Excuse me," you murmur.

He steps back marginally, not enough to clear the path completely. 

Like he’s hesitating. 

Like he doesn’t know whether he wants to move for real, or stay rooted in place.

“Jungkook,” you say, and his name feels strange on your tongue after days of not speaking it. “Move.”

“You smell like that night,” he settles for staying instead of moving, voice dropping lower, annoyed. “You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.”

Your breath catches. Heat blooms across your chest, up your neck.

“That’s not—” you start, but the lie dies on your lips. 

Because it is. Of course it is. You knew exactly what you were doing when you reached for that bottle.

You see his jaw work. His tongue peek against the inside of his cheek. His eyes lock into yours like he wants to say something else.

But he doesn’t. 

“Have fun at your dinner,” is all he comes up with, stepping aside. 

The movement feels like it costs him something.

You move past him. Take a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Jungkook aside. 

Tonight isn’t about him. It’s about Emma, about reconnecting with a part of your life that existed before this apartment, before him.

But as you step into the living room, you can still feel the weight of his gaze on your back, can still smell the amber scent on your skin, can still hear his voice in your ear.

You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.

And the worst part is, you don’t know why or how—but maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.

The restaurant is too loud, too crowded, too New York—but Emma’s hug is warm, and that makes up for it.

“Finally.” She squeezes you tight, like she’s trying to merge your atoms together. “You took forever.”

Yeji, behind you, snorts. “Blame her eyeliner existential crisis.”

Emma pulls back, eyebrows raised. “Oh? We still doing that?”

“We are always doing that,” you deadpan.

She laughs—her laugh. It’s the same as it was in high school, loud and full, like she actually enjoys things instead of just tolerating them. That hasn’t changed. Neither has the way she looks at you, eyes scanning your face, taking you in like she’s checking if you’re still the same person too.

The answer? You don’t know.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you guys,” she says, looping an arm through yours.

You let yourself be pulled in—into the restaurant, into her world, into the crowd of fifteen fucking people all squeezed around a too-small table in the back corner. She moves through the chaos easily, hand on your wrist, steering you like she used to when you were seventeen and invincible.

“This is Yeji, Irya, and Jimin,” you say as you go, pointing them out like exhibits in a museum.

Emma grins at them, all effortless charm. “Your uni friends. I’ve heard so much.”

Jimin, ever polite, smiles back. “All good things, I hope.”

Emma does not confirm or deny, which says enough.

There’s a blur of names you won’t remember—Emma’s friends, classmates, people who probably have their lives together in a way you do not. Someone pulls her into another conversation, and you hover awkwardly at the edge of the group, watching her slip back into a world that isn’t yours.

It’s strange.

You used to know everything about her. Every inside joke, every dream, every late-night insecurity whispered over FaceTime. 

But now—now you’re an observer. 

A guest.

Still, when she sits, she grabs your wrist again and tugs you down next to her.

“So,” she starts, picking up her glass—red wine, something deep and rich. “Are you finally admitting that I was right, or are we still in the denial phase?”

You blink, thrown. “About what?”

She gives you a look. “Do I have to spell it out?”

Your stomach knots.

Jungkook. She means Jungkook.

You exhale through your nose, reaching for your water instead. “We are so not doing this here.”

Emma grins, but she lets it go—for now.

Instead, she leans back. “God, I forgot how exhausting socializing is. I swear, law school is turning me into one of those people who can only function in coffee shops and libraries.”

You snort. “You were already that person in high school.”

“True,” she concedes, tilting her glass toward you. “But now it’s worse. Now I actually enjoy tax law. Like, genuinely. It’s fascinating.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I refuse to believe that.”

“Swear on my life,” she says, amused. “You should see me in my internship. I get excited about deductions. I have a favorite tax loophole.”

“That’s disgusting.”

Emma just grins. “Give it time. One day, you’ll come to me, desperate for tax advice, and I’ll be your only hope. And I will lord it over you.”

“You wish.”

“Oh, I know.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the way your lips twitch. It’s easy, falling into conversation with Emma. Easier than you thought it would be, considering how much has changed since high school.

“So, what’s the plan then?” you ask, nudging your knee against hers under the table. “You still set on Seattle after graduation?”

Emma hesitates. Not in a bad way—more like she’s holding onto something, waiting for the right moment.

“Actually,” she says, twirling the stem of her glass between her fingers. “I’ve been thinking about Europe.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Europe?”

“Yeah.” She leans forward slightly, eyes lighting up. “I did a summer program there—France, Italy, Greece, Spain. It was insane. I loved it. I don’t know, I just—” She exhales, shaking her head like she can’t quite put it into words. “Seattle was always the safe plan, you know? The practical one. But now? I keep thinking about the Mediterranean coast. The markets, the people. It feels like people there work to live, not live to work like they do here in America.”

You watch her carefully. Emma has always been a planner, a strategist. She doesn’t make decisions lightly.

And yet—she looks alive talking about this.

“So, what?” you ask. “You’re gonna become a tax attorney in Greece? Help rich expats avoid paying their fair share?”

Emma snorts. “God, no. If I go, I’d probably work with international firms, corporate law, maybe even consulting. It’s different over there, you know? Taxes, policies, loopholes—everything shifts depending on the country, the treaties in place.”

“You realize you sound even worse now, right?”

“Shut up,” she laughs. “At least I’m passionate about something.”

You hum, thoughtful. “So, Europe.”

“Maybe,” she says. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

But you can tell, just from the way she says it, that it’s more than a maybe.

It’s funny. The last time you saw her, she was talking about Seattle like it was inevitable. Now she’s talking about the Mediterranean coast with the kind of quiet certainty that makes you think she’s already half there.

People change.

You’ve changed.

And yet, it feels like nothing between you two has changed at all. 

Emma eyes you for a long moment, then smirks. 

“Your turn.”

You blink. “What?”

“You’ve barely told me anything about your life,” she says. “How’s English? Still planning on breaking the hearts of young, impressionable students as a professor?”

“First of all, no. That is not the plan. And second—”

“You can’t tell me you don’t look the part,” she teases. “The eyeliner? The whole vibe? You’d have students falling in love with you instantly.”

“I hate you.”

She grins. “I missed you too.”

You feel it, then—the warmth of familiarity, of friendship. It settles in your chest, light and unburdened, and for the first time in a while, you think:

This is nice.

Even with the changes, even with the time apart, even with the half-truths lingering at the back of your throat—this is still Emma.

“Come on,” Emma nudges your arm, eyes gleaming. “Let me introduce you to my favorite tax nerds.”

You groan, but let her pull you toward the other end of the table. “If I die of boredom, I’m haunting you.”

“They’re fun,” she insists, dodging between chairs and half-full wine glasses. “For tax people, anyway.”

The group is mid-conversation when you arrive—something about offshore accounts, corporate loopholes, and why the ultra-wealthy pay less in taxes than you probably spend on coffee each year. (Fascinating.) Chris and Max, two guys who both look like they were born wearing pressed button-ups, are deep in debate, hands gesturing, voices overlapping.

But the girl sitting across from you—Nina—just listens, quiet, observant.

She clocks you the moment you sit down. And you clock her right back.

Dark brown skin, black curls tucked behind one ear, a delicate gold necklace resting just above the collar of an oversized sweater. The sleeves are pushed up to reveal slender wrists, and she has the kind of presence that doesn’t need to fill space to be felt. 

There’s something measured about her. Something thoughtful. Like she only speaks when there’s something worth saying.

She’s pretty.

Really pretty.

But it’s more than that. She’s composed in a way that makes you hyperaware of yourself—your posture, the way you’re holding your drink, the way she looks at you with a quiet, unreadable expression.

“Hi,” she says, voice smooth, accent lilting ever so slightly.

It’s just that—simple. Friendly. Maybe.

You clear your throat. “Hey.”

Emma gestures between you. “Nina, this is my friend from high school—the one I told you about?”

Nina hums like she remembers, tilting her head. “The one who thinks tax law is boring?”

You blink. “Emma told you that?”

“She warned me in advance,” Nina says, lips twitching. “Said you might try to stage an intervention.”

You shoot Emma a look, but she’s already sipping her wine, unbothered. 

“Well,” you say, turning back to Nina, “I was going to be polite about it, but now I feel like I have a responsibility.”

That gets a small smile out of her. Just a slight curve of the lips, like she’s amused but won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing just how much.

You don’t know why that makes you want to push, just a little.

“So,” you continue, tilting your head, “what is it, then? The thing about tax law that actually doesn’t put you to sleep?”

Nina considers this. Takes a slow sip of her drink. And when she speaks, it’s not rushed—it’s careful.

“It’s not about the numbers,” she says, setting her glass down. “Not really. It’s about human nature. About how people behave when they think no one is watching. Governments set up incentives, and people react accordingly. It’s a game of strategy. A reflection of what a society actually values, not just what it claims to.”

You weren’t expecting that answer.

Your fingers tighten slightly around your glass. “So, what—you think taxes are, like, a moral compass?”

Nina shrugs. “Not a moral compass. But they show you what people are willing to bend the rules for. What they think is worth cheating for. And that’s… interesting, I think.”

You watch her, trying to get a read on her. She’s got this almost effortless kind of intrigue—the kind of person who could make anything sound poetic if she wanted to.

Emma groans. “Oh god, don’t encourage her. She’ll start talking about capital gains tax next.”

Nina lifts a brow. “It’s actually fascinating, if you—”

“Absolutely not,” Emma interrupts. “Nope. I refuse.”

You smirk. “I don’t know, Em. I kind of want to hear her out.”

Emma glares at you. “Do not encourage the tax philosophy.”

But Nina is looking at you again. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a way that screams I’m interested. But in a way that’s… present. Attentive. Like she actually finds this conversation worth having.

And maybe that means nothing.

Or maybe it does.

You’re not sure.

Which—God, why is this always harder with girls?

With guys, it’s obvious. But with girls—well. You think she’s enjoying this. But is she just enjoying it, or is there something else there? Is this just conversation, or is it something that, in hindsight, will feel like a moment?

You have no fucking idea.

The conversation shifts after that—Emma talks about her summer in Europe, Chris and Max start debating New York’s best pizza, someone brings up an upcoming bar crawl.

And then, at some point, Nina glances at her phone before looking at you again.

“You mind if I get your number?” she asks.

Casual. Easy. Nothing in her tone suggests it’s anything more than that.

“Emma talks about you a lot,” she adds, mouth twitching slightly. “I feel like I should probably fact-check at least half of it.”

Emma swats at her, but you barely register it, already pulling your phone out.

You’re not reading into it. You’re not.

But also—

You kind of are.

Still, you hand your phone over, watch as Nina types in her number, then passes it back. Just a name in your contacts now. Simple. Unassuming.

You have no idea if you just made a new friend or if this is something else.

And honestly?

You kind of like not knowing.

“Well, well, well,” Yeji drawls, sliding into the conversation without invitation. “Are we allowed to sit, or is this a tax-exclusive gathering?”

You exhale. “Jesus, Yeji.”

“What? We were getting bored.” She drops into the seat beside you, tossing an arm over Irya’s chair. “Jimin’s been overanalyzing the condensation on his glass for the past fifteen minutes, and Irya’s just been smiling at people like a lost pageant contestant.”

“I was being friendly,” Irya corrects, unfazed.

“You were being too friendly.”

“Networking,” Irya insists, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I love people.”

“You do,” Emma says, delighted. “It’s terrifying.”

Irya beams, pleased. Yeji just sighs like she’s accepted her fate.

Nina watches all of this unfold with quiet amusement, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. “You two are together?”

Yeji tilts her head. “That a problem?”

Nina meets her gaze evenly. “No. It’s nice.”

It’s a simple statement, but it rings genuine, like she’s not just saying it to be polite. Yeji studies her for a second longer before nodding, satisfied, and pulling Irya in to kiss her temple.

Emma turns to you, grinning. “Your friends are so much more fun than my law ones.”

You smirk. “That’s because they have souls.”

Chris, still lingering in the tax-law-heavy end of the table, lifts a hand in protest. “Hey.”

Yeji ignores him completely, waving to Nina instead. “So, you’re a tax philosopher?”

Nina looks faintly amused but nods. “That’s what they tell me.”

“Cool, cool,” Yeji muses, reaching for Irya’s wine and taking a sip before Irya can protest. “And do you also believe that money isn’t real?”

Nina tilts her head slightly, considering. “I think it’s real in the sense that it determines the way the world functions. But I also think it’s one of the biggest shared delusions humanity has ever committed to.”

Yeji brightens. “See? This is the tax conversation I want to be having.”

You roll your eyes, but Nina takes it in stride. She’s good at this, you notice—letting conversations unfold naturally, never forcing her presence but never fading into the background either.

Across from you, Jimin has settled into his usual quiet observation, sipping his drink slowly. He’s not uncomfortable, just taking it all in. He catches your eye at one point, a small look that says ‘you good?’

You nod, barely perceptible.

He doesn’t push. Just gives a small nod back and turns his attention back to the conversation. Just listening in.

Emma leans in slightly, nudging your arm. “I like them,” she murmurs.

You glance at her, raising a brow. “Yeah?”

She hums. “They make you lighter.”

It’s such an Emma thing to say—blunt in a way that doesn’t feel invasive, just observant. 

You don’t respond right away, but you don’t need to. 

She’s already grinning like she knows the answer.

The apartment is quiet when you finally get home, the only light coming from the TV screen where some game is paused. 

Jungkook is sprawled on the couch, controller resting loosely in his hands, looking like he's been there for hours. He glances up when the door closes behind you, expression neutral.

"It's late," he says, not quite a question.

You drop your keys in the bowl by the door. "Yeah."

"Had fun?" He unpauses the game, thumbs moving lazily over the controller buttons. His character on screen walks aimlessly into a wall.

"Yeah," you say, kicking off your heels with a sigh of relief. "Emma's friends are cool. We ended up at this bar in Brooklyn after dinner."

He makes a noncommittal sound, still not looking at you.

"Jason wasn't there, though, so don't worry," you add, unable to help yourself.

That gets his attention. His thumbs still, and he scoffs, a short, sharp sound in the quiet apartment. 

“You know I don't give a fuck about that guy, right?"

"Really?" You raise an eyebrow, heading to the kitchen for water. "Because you seemed to have very strong opinions about him on Tuesday."

The controller drops onto the couch as he turns to face you fully. 

“Look," he says, voice tight with frustration. "I don't give a fuck who you fuck or who you date. Seriously. Not my business."

"Yup. Three rules," you start, unscrewing the cap on your water bottle.

"One, no one knows," he recites, cutting you off.

"Two, if somebody asks, we're just roommates," you continue.

"And three," he interrupts again, more forcefully, "no feelings. I know the fucking rules, Phoenix. I helped make them."

You take a long drink of water, studying him over the bottle. His hair is messy in a stupid endearing way, and there are shadows under his eyes. 

"So what was Tuesday about, then?" you ask finally.

He exhales slowly, jaw working. "I told you. The guy gives me bad vibes."

"Bad vibes," you repeat flatly.

"Yeah. Bad fucking vibes." He rubs a hand over his face. "Look, I know how it sounded, okay? But it's not—" He stops, frustrated. "It's not about you. Or us. Or whatever the fuck we're doing."

You consider him for a moment, then set your water bottle down and cross to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. 

"Explain."

"What?"

"Explain these 'bad vibes.' Because from where I was sitting, it sounded irrational."

"It's not—" He stops again, shaking his head. "You know what? Forget it. Not my problem."

"Jungkook."

He looks at you, surprised by the use of his actual name.

"I'm trying to understand," you say, softer than you intended. "So explain it to me."

He studies you for a long moment, like he's trying to decide if you're serious. 

Finally, he sighs. "He's fake."

"Fake how?"

"The way he talks. The way he looks at you when you're not watching. The way he touched your arm in the car." His words come faster now. "The way he asked about your schedule, your classes. The way he positioned himself between us. It's all... calculated."

You frown. "That's a lot to read into a few interactions."

"I know what I saw," he insists. "Guys like that... they start small. Compliments. Attention. Making you feel special. Then it's suggestions about what you should wear. Who you should hang out with. What classes you should take."

His tone is raw, really raw, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve heard him talk like this. 

Like it’s personal.

“You're saying he's controlling."

"I'm saying he could be." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up further. "Look, I've seen it before, okay? People who seem perfect on the surface but underneath they're just... manipulative. They make you think everything's your idea when really they're pulling all the strings."

You're quiet for a moment, processing. 

"This isn't just about Jason, is it?"

His eyes flick to yours, then away. 

"I told you. It's not about you or us."

"But it is about someone."

He doesn't answer, but his silence is confirmation enough.

"Mia?" you ask softly.

"I don't want to talk about her."

"Okay," you say, respecting the boundary even as curiosity burns through you. "But that's why you're worried about Jason? Because he reminds you of her?"

"Not of her specifically," he says after a pause. "Just... the type. The signs."

You pull your legs up onto the couch, turning to face him fully. "What signs?"

He looks at you for a long moment, like he's deciding how much to share. 

"The perfect act," he says finally. "The way everything seems rehearsed. The charm that never quite reaches their eyes." His voice drops lower. "The way they make you feel like you're the only person in the room, but it's not because they care about you. It's because they want something from you."

"And you think that's Jason?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there. But my gut says something's off with him."

You consider this. "Your gut's been wrong before."

A bitter smile twists his lips. "Yeah. More than once."

Silence stretches between you, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. It’s like you’re both still processing the words exchanged.

"I'm still going on the date," you say finally.

He nods, looking away. "I know."

"But I'll... keep what you said in mind. Watch for the signs."

He glances back at you, surprise flickering across his face. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." You shrug, trying to keep it casual. "Contrary to what you might think, I don't actually enjoy being manipulated."

"Could've fooled me," he mutters, but there's no real heat behind it.

You kick his thigh lightly with your foot. "Asshole."

The corner of his mouth twitches upward. "Brat."

Silence again. His forearms are resting on his knees, hands crossed together as his gaze remains unfocused.

"So," he says eventually, "how was the birthday girl?"

You're surprised by the question, by his apparent interest in your life outside this apartment. 

"Good," you say. "Different, but good. She's in Economics. Has a serious boyfriend. Wears a lot of beige."

"Sounds thrilling."

You laugh despite yourself. "It was actually nice. Weird, but nice. Like visiting a place you used to live but don't anymore."

He nods, understanding in his eyes. "Did your new friends play nice with your old friend?"

"Yeji, Irya and Jimin?" You smile at the memory. "They were on their best behavior. Well, Yeji's version of best behavior, which means she only made three inappropriate jokes and only drank half the table's wine."

He snorts. "Sounds about right."

"Emma liked them, though. I think." You pause, considering. "It's strange, bringing different parts of your life together."

"I bet it is," he agrees quietly.

You look at him, really look at him, sitting there in the dim light of the TV. For once, there's no smirk on his face, no challenge in his eyes. Just Jungkook, tired and rumpled and unexpectedly honest.

"Why were you still up?" you ask suddenly.

The question catches him off guard. "What?"

"It's 3 AM. Why are you still awake?"

He shrugs, defensive again. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd play for a bit."

You glance at the TV screen where his character has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes. 

"Right."

"What?" he demands.

"Nothing," you say, but you can't help the small smile that forms. "Just... nothing."

He narrows his eyes at you, but doesn't press.

"I should get to bed," you say, standing up. "It's late."

He nods, picking up the controller again. "Yeah."

You're halfway to your room when his voice stops you.

"Phoenix?"

You turn back. "Yeah?"

He’s staring at you, but it’s not the usual smirk. No. 

His eyes flick downward. To the floor, like he’s seriously considering his next words—or rather, if he should vocalize them at all. 

But then he looks up at you again, seemingly decided.

"You..." he starts, licking his lips like he’s trying to pull himself together. But he’s failing. "You know you smell fucking delicious, right? Like, it’s so fucking unfair."

Your pulse stutters. "Excuse me?"

"The cologne," he says, standing up. "You’ve been driving me insane the whole night. The whole apartment smells like you.”

You blink at him, caught somewhere between disbelief and something hotter, heavier. "I didn’t wear it for you."

"No?” His lips twitch, almost a smile but not quite—like he knows exactly how full of shit you are. "The cologne from that night. The dress from that night. And I’m supposed to believe that’s just a coincidence?"

"It is," you snap back, defensive even as your pulse betrays you by speeding up.

He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing—or maybe just like he can’t believe you.

“Fuck, Phoenix," he mutters, voice dropping into something rougher, more dangerous. "Do you have any idea how good you smell? How much I’ve been thinking about getting my mouth on you again?"

Your breath catches somewhere in your throat—an audible hitch that makes his eyes darken further.

"We’re fighting," you remind him weakly.

"Are we?" He steps closer, until there’s barely a whisper of space between you. "Because right now all I can think about is how wet you were for me the first time I smelled that shit on your skin."

You retreat physically; even though mentally you’re honestly already naked for him.

"Four days," he muses, tone dripping with frustration, almost needy. "Four days of smelling your shampoo in the bathroom, that stupid body lotion, and now—now you pull this shit. That’s fucking cruel, Nix.”

"You could’ve apologized," you point out dryly.

"For what?" He scoffs like the idea itself is offensive. "For telling the truth? For saying Jason gives me bad vibes?"

"There it is again," you say, crossing your arms over your chest like it’ll protect you from whatever energy he’s radiating right now. 

It doesn’t.

He exhales softly, eyes flicking to your lips before moving back up. 

“I’m being for real, Phoenix. Your vanilla shit drives me nuts,” he confesses bluntly.

Then llicks his lips, considering what he’s about to say 

But says it anyways. 

“I jerked off after you left.”

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for air.

"Couldn’t help it," he continues. “The smell of your cologne... seeing you in that dress again... I couldn’t get the image out of my head."

"What image?"

"The first time," he says slowly, like he wants every word to sink into your skin and stay there forever. "In that room. The way you tasted... the sounds you made when I had my tongue inside you."

Your legs threaten mutiny.

"And now?" You force yourself to ask because silence feels dangerous—like it might give him permission to keep going without restraint.

"Now?" He repeats, almost hushed. "Now, I’m… really craving vanilla.”

You should walk away—should turn around and retreat into your room where things are safe and quiet and not vibrating with tension so thick it feels alive—but instead?

Instead, your feet betray you by staying planted firmly in place: "Eat some cookies.”

“I want to eat something else.”

“What if I don’t want you to?”

He purses his lips. Tongue drops to lick the lower one. Gaze flickers to your mouth again before they come back to your pupils.

“You don’t?”

And the way he exhales it, like the mere idea of you saying no pains him—it melts through you. 

Especially when his hand finally finds its way to your waist (warm and solid and grounding despite everything else about this moment feeling anything but grounded).

All thoughts of resistance evaporate faster than they came.

"I do," you hear yourself reply. 

And when his lips brush against the sensitive skin just below your jawline?

You realize two things simultaneously:

One: You were never going to walk away from this moment no matter how much logic tried to intervene earlier.

Two: Logic doesn’t stand a chance against lust when Jungkook looks at you like this.

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[kyhora]

FRAUD ANALYSIS

(SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO WISH TO REMAIN BLIND)

"TRUST NOT YOUR EYES, TRUST NOT YOUR EARS."

MY OPENING THOUGHTS

I have... SO MANY THOUGHTS. There was a lot going on here with Fraud and it has absolutely surprised me in its presentation. I'll be talking about specific things to make it easier for me and for you, dear reader, to better understand and process what in the Hell is happening here.

PROVIDENCE

I was stupid and thought it was initially a seraphim because they have similar designs, but yk what Virtues look like Serpahims too so I dunno what I'm on abt LMAO.

I knew from the start the eye in the cover for In Absentia ΛΟΓΟΣ was related to an enemy after following the logic of Hear! The Siren Song Call of Death's preview with the Gutterman's shield. Despite that, oh my goodness this is a really sick design, the transparent, glassy feathers, the eye and how it looks like a slab placed onto the wings, it looks so WEIRD and I love it so much, for our third ever angel enemy, they delivered hard on its design.

I have seen some theories/speculation that Providence looks way too detailed/refined compared to other enemies, inferring that V1 is incapable of processing Providence's appearence. While I'm not opposed to the idea, I don't necessarily subscribe to it, I think Providence is just a really big model which leaves a lot of room for details to be refined. If V1 can process a Virtue, it can process a Providence.

It looks obnoxious with that magenta beam, I don't even wanna know what it does on Brutal LMAO. Surprisingly brittle for an 8th layer enemy though or maybe it retains similar damage multipliers as a Virtues which is why the Electric Railcannon did so much damage to it, idk. I don't have much else to really say about Providence other than the fact it's a visually impressive pain in the asshole, can't wait to see it for the first time and want to kill it harder than every other enemy in a Cybergrind wave.

FRAUD'S AESTHETICS

Fun fact abt myself: I REALLY FUCKING LOVE LIMINAL SPACES. I love liminal spaces with all my heart, they're a really cool form of atmospheric horror (don't confuse this with the backrooms, I hate that shit). Fraud basing itself off of liminal spaces is really damn neat and honestly makes sense, since Hakita even mentioned how during development for 7-1: THE GARDEN OF FORKING PATHS, he tried out stuff like myhouse.wad and ofc read House of Leaves. Besides his own inspirations, it makes perfect sense to use liminal aesthetics here, vaguely familiar halls and rooms met with a reality that defies logic, very fraud if I do say so myself.

Gonna post some pictues of rooms I really like and add any commentary if need be.

Really sick opening room, I love the weird wallpaper, the lamps, just everything here and how its placed is perfect. It perfectly gives off that liminal vibe that this layer is wanting to play into. I adore liminal spaces that feel like it was something built by something that doesn't know how to be human, it gives off such an errie vibe.

A friend on Discord found a theory on Reddit about this and omg it's actually kinda neat

I was squealling when I saw this for the first time. My friend in the vc I was streaming this too said it was all they could hear throughout the trailer LMFAOOO. If there is one thing I'll mention, it's that I think it's funny how apparently Fraud has television but Lust doesn't. What a bunch of bums /j. i do think Lust is more advanced and prolly have TVs, but this is our first official TV in ULTRAKILL

What a banger fucking opening. I adore this shot so much, and honestly it's reminiscent of those liminal space images of hotel hallways like these:

The transition of the hallway shifting to the checkpoint is so fucking awesome too. fun thing I noticed was that there was a low buzzing sound, like when you press yourself up to the walls of Limbo. Not sure if it implies anything or is an audio indicator of shifting realities.

WHAT A COOL ASS ROOM. I LOVED THE TRANSITION HERE SO MUCH, MY JAW DROPPED WATCHING THE WALLS SHIFT TO MAKE IT BIGGER. I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE IF THIS IS GONNA DO ANYTHING MORE THAN JUST THIS AS THE LAYER GOES ON. After seeing this trailer at least 50 times already, I'm curious about how this room instigates the combat, since there's plenty of shots that have V1 walking back to the room or walking into other rooms from the doors. Fun to think about the frustration of getting lost in this place, finding yourself back, and then BOOM ! ENEMY ENCOUNTER ! ! !

Such a banger shot too, I love these kinda infinite mirror-esque rooms for non-euclidian stuff. An interesting detail are that the lion statues actually have a lion head unlike the one Limbo. I love how much this feels like a hotel, it has that eerie transitional vibe hotels can have but has this "first class" vibe to it all.

Really fun shot too. Love non-euclidian stuff playing with gravity and such.

I know I already said my jaw dropped but like... MY JAW. DROPPED. I mentioned it to my oomfies before but it looks a lot like the The Empyrean from Dante's Inferno:

Will mention this here because I don't wanna post images that are basically the same; but the other side of the skybox is noticably darker. Maybe it's this layer's day/night cycle? Not too sure but feels logical to me. I love how this layer is leaning into the heavenly imagery, I'm so curious about what kinda lore bits we're gonna get, and considering how we got a new angel enemy, we hopefully probably get some new angel lore. If Virtues and Gabriel were the only angels to have resided in Hell, makes me interested in if other angels are coming down from heaven, either to help Gabriel, or avenge the council by killing him.

I love that we're jumping from rooftops to others, nice change of scenery from the claustrophobic, eerie rooms inside the towers. I am happy the layer is still paying homage to the "tower of lies" idea by having us climb up them, jumping between them, and all that stuff.

Once again with the nonsensical prop placement. Why does this room have tables and chairs when there's nothing to eat or any other reason to lounge about here. Really interesting environmental storytelling, I'm confused and I LOVE IT.

Doth my eyes deceive ?

A NEW HOOK POINT ? ? ?

Sick transition but what's with the door on the right ? I wonder if it means anything or is just a visual indicator for where to go... hrmmmm...

"I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN??????"

Cool transition to the TV again, but I love the sharp contrast of aesthetics here. Again with the nonsensical placement of props but at least all the props share a theme ? ? ? Makes me curious if the next level or the next segment of 8-1: HURTBREAK WONDERLAND is gonna involve the poolrooms. I really hope it does. It's a really cool liminal space aesthetic that I think would be reallly interesting see and makes sense to mesh in with the liminal space inspirations of Fraud.

If curious abt the poolrooms:

with all that trailer analysis done, time to yap abt my thoughts of everything we've seen with some theories and speculation of my own :3

WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON ?

In Dante's Inferno, Fraud has 10 blogias (circles) that had specific punishments for different kinds of fraudulant behavior, but here in this Fraud ? Is the punishment here that the sinner is in a non-euclidian hotel being driven mad by the isolation and non-sensical rooms? It feels too much like Limbo if that is what's being done here, and besides, there's smaller buildings, there's rivers, there's all sorts of pleasant stuff here, what if maybe Fraud had its own renaissance like Lust ? Maybe the angels are doing something here with Fraud ? I'm honestly confused by what is happening here, I have no ideas for what happened to this layer, but for now I have my other thoughts about the explanations for the aesthetics, potential stuff going, on so forth. Just thought I'd bring up my confusion since I don't really have many ideas for the punishments here.

THE INFINITE HOTEL

With Fraud's aesthetics, I believe Fraud is going to be a hotel and each level is us descending into the kinds of rooms that would be in a hotel, like how in the first level we're in the hallways of what is presumably the place where all the rooms, while the second rooms takes us to a place that resembles the pools of hotels (hence why I believe in 8-2 poolrooms), and etc.

I also kinda see Hilbert's Hotel/The Infinite Hotel Paradox to be a form of inspiration for this place, an infinite hotel, houses infinite guests, and since mankind is dead...

explanation of the paradox:

If we look at Wrath, it feels like the logic of the infinite hotel checks here too, since the river styx began to become bigger following The Final War, and instantly became flooded after mankind's mysterious, biblical extinction. After so many new sinners entered the layer of Wrath, the river adapted to be the ocean, nothing changed, just more people in it now, and how the Ferrymen have grown acustomed to the new environment as well. Fraud after mankind's extinction made there have to be more rooms, and yet, all the "guests" have been accounted for.

A FALSE PARADISE

An idea I have is that Hell Itself rennovated Fraud to resemble the Lust Renaissance, to cruely trick the denizens of Fraud that they escaped the layer and found a comforting place in Hell, and in their delusion, unknowingly still roam around the endless halls of Fraud, finding a twisted pleasure in the false senses of hope the sinners are under.

Idk if I really agree with this idea, because why are there statues of Providence, why is there such heavenly imagery in this layer if this idea suggests it wants to be like Lust ? Maybe it instead wants to be a false Heaven ? But if that's the case, why are the towers and their architecture anything but ? I am lost over what this layer is wanting to be, it's obvious that every layer had their own punishments, either the punishments were directly shown to us in the layer (like Heresy's coffins, Wrath's ocean, and Violence's trees), or at least were mentioned, like with Lust's winds. But here in Fraud ? I have no idea what the punishment is here. Like. At all. It leaves me curious for what's in store and what is going to be explained, or maybe some theories are gonna be absolutely banger, who knows.

NEW ENEMIES & LORE

Soooo new enemies are coming, I believe we are either getting one or 2, potentially a new husk and 2 new angels. We already got Providence, a new husk feels right since it's been a while since we got one, and I am a firm believe that the angel statue from Limbo and the other layers is gonna be either our new arm OR new enemy. Plz. Give us more Angel lore. I'm on my hands and knees, Hakita, I need to know what they're like. I know we're in Hell so Heaven has far less involvement than if it was the other way around, but I still have to know. I GOTTA KNOW.

SOON™ (this year)

Also felt like talking about this because it's weirdly kinda confusing ? ? ? Looked into the general "soon" of New Blood and at times it's basically like. TOMORROW ? To which I think is not gonna happen if we read the description of In Absentia ΛΟΓΟΣ and how Hakita says they're still working on it (the first level I'd assume), so I dunno if in ONE MONTH they were able to just create the entirety of the Fraud layer that fast, hence why the (this year) addition makes me feel like they're releasing it maybe before the holiday season ? Who knows ! :P With the understanding that Fraud had troubles in development which led to the ULTRA_REVAMP update, maybe production got much easier after the enemy rework ? I've no idea honestly. But whatever happens, I'm gonna be there the MOMENT it releases.

Yeah erm that's kinda it for now hope you enjoyed reading the delusion of a mad person that squealed like a pathetic person during the trailer and the preview they did before the trailer. If anyone would like to talk by all means, talk to me in dms or message @cyhora on Discord ! ! !

[wylanzahn]

New-ish post, kinda posting this on different platforms and getting a general vibe check for some ideas I have. But basically this Halloween I want to actually do something for the TTRPG and Actualplay world (oh yeah I’m into those kinds of things). I want to try and get both players, GMs, and casual viewers alike something fun to look forward to this especially spooky season. I’ll probably talk a little more when we get closer to the actual season of scare-giving but just know that if you’re interested I’m still looking for people to join in!!

As my team and I’d first debut we’re going to try and do a two to four session actual play, which will probably be released in the weeks leading up to Halloween. We’ve had a couple good friend way in on the matter of “setting” but now I come to you fine folk. Mind you this is a horror campaign/arc so if…

Isn’t your thing, keep on a moving.

But without further ado here are a couple of the possible settings for our players, and myself, this coming espookee season…

1.) Somewhere off the coast of Florida, 1926 end of the first major housing boom in the state, a small island which calls back to the Spanish Empire, is Isla Boñyela, a small port made tourist location during the boom of disposable wealth in 1920s America. A small group of friends from the northeast tag along down for the perfect paradise vacation. Only to discover the island is much much older than anyone could have ever assumed. Whilst dealing with upstart gangsters, unnerving US soldiers, and the terrified locals they find something older than even undead conquistadors.

While I don’t have a working title, this is an old project in the running which I’ve had a few attempts at revamping over time. Its previous title was “perfect paradise vacation,” and runs on the Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition game. Anywho it’s a blast of fun with Caribbean lore, tone of anti-imperialism, and something dark lurking beneath the waves.

2.) 1950’s America, the nonexistent state of Mid-Atlantia (DMV coded) in a small suburban neighborhood where nothing goes wrong… it’s almost “All-Hallows-Eve” and little Johnny and Susie want nothing more than to trick or treat this year with all the big kids, Dad’s finally getting the big promotion at work, and Mom just got a new waffle iron! Sure everything is neat here in America. Heck you just got new neighbors! Newlyweds in fact from somewhere big and fancy, they sure aren’t like any of us in our simple town. But… and you can’t say exactly why but things are different. Or perhaps they’re all too the same? Everyday a repeat of ever other bland day that followed you over and over and over and over… and you could swear, while no one may listen to you there’s someone out there. Stalking you from outside your own home- or- perhaps, he’s just your friendly new neighbor welcoming you… to the end.

Ahhhhhh! I’ve also been working on this one for a sec and god writing it out does excite me. This is also a Call of Cthulhu game but modified/homebrewed to have a uniquely 1950s horror feel. This is definitely one of the more unique games I’ve written and am truly interested in seeing where it goes (even if we don’t choose it). This is for those who feel like isolation, fear of the unknown, fear from within, and liminal space horror comes best into play! So whadya say neighbor?

3.) The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend, or How I Learned to Love Strahd, okay so this one is a lot less horror-y and falls much more under the comedic spooky category, just so yall know. Deep in the middle of Barovia, the ancient kingdom of Vampires, meets a council of Count Strahd von Zarovich's greatest commanders and lieutenants to hunt down Strahd's greatest enemy Rudolph van Richten and his party of heroes known as "The Grape-Smashers." Strahd's lieutenants have been gifted powers greater than any mere mortals, but are these gifts enough to stop Van Richten, or even enough to stop the personal ambitions of each other? Come find out in "How I Learned to Love Strahd."

Okay, as much as this may seem like a joke suggestion it cracks me up and I feel like it would be ill-advised of me to not at least mention it. In an era where "The Curse of Strahd," is well-overdone at this point, it's worth a take from an all evil "revenge story." Obviously this will be in Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, which, in my opinion, is really hard to use for horror, but this is a nice go-around. Come for the evil PCs, maybe a PvP battle or two, and a game of intrigue in the shadows of Barovia! All that and a buff Van Richten.

4.) Before Annapolis was ever called such it was known as Providence, a settlement of exiled Puritans in the Province of Maryland, but these early days were no easy set-up for the far-flung protestants... in the mid 1600s the English Civil War spilled out into their holdings across the waves as brother turned on brother, clan erasing clan, and something from the shores of the Old World would arrive in the New. When around every corner could be someone you've known your whole life, what's stopping them from hunting you in the depths of winter. All matters made worse when rumors of a witch begins circulating your small home.

Think "The VVitch" (2015) meets "A Field in England" (2013) meets Atun Shei's recent film "The Sudsbury Devil" (2023). It is the unexplored wilderness of early colonial Maryland, but the hateful warmongering that slowly builds that makes the horror and tension so clear. Unsure of what system we'll be using, but maybe the new Regency Cthulhu system.

5.) The Great Baltimore Fire of 1904 destroyed some 140 Acres of Baltimore proper... and in it's rubble awakened something far worse. But you and your fellow survivors are just trying to get by in the aftermath of the fire... only for something to call out, whether some strange magicks or perhaps just a sickness... but sickness doesn't even linger like this... it doesn't call to you...

Some more local history, aspiring from the actual Fire of 1904 things quickly devolve from there as rumors of a cult begin to spread along the streets of Rosland Park... a mysterious illness leaving even more dead... and the death of an eclectic professor. Definitely using the Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition for this one.

Aaaaaaaand that's it! Let me know what y'all think!

[outshinedskeleton]

Probably Best 4 Days in my life… pt.1

This post will be long as hell but I want to share all my thoughts, experiences and photos.

Last Wednesday I went to Open’er Festival with my boyfriend and some friends. We stayed there until Sunday because we had our tents set at a campground. I never thought I will go on this festival because it always seemed like idk… Polish version of Coachella. Fashion, big brands etc. I never vibed with that but when I saw the Lineup for this year I had no other choice than getting my ass there to see bands I always dreamed to see live.

Wednesday

On the first day we putted up our tents and stuff. Drank some beers. Ate some food. (Jesus fucking Christ it was so expensive there like I get it this is big festival but beer for 19 zł?! [It's almost over 5 USD] Crazy. We kept smuggling beers on campground area) It was really nice the weather was also fine. It was sunny. My first impression about Open'er Festival was that I'm underdressed... I saw all those people in great outfits and compared them to myself dressed like some middle school Avril Lavigne listener (in a good way ofc) but felt that I'm not fitting to this whole vibe. I've also made a lot of mistakes packing my stuff because I was expecting conditions such as at Woodstock... Anyway...

First big concert we wanted to see - Massive Attack. I don’t listen to Massive Attack so much like I know two albums which I like the most but the show was… I think meaningful. Because artists decided to show a lot of “controversial” stuff on telebims during preforming. I don’t think personally this was controversial but for the people that try to ignore or want to avoid thinking about the topics like Palestine, Ukraine, Trump and his shit it was like punch right in the face. They showed numbers… informations… about how many people were killed in Palestine, how much money was spent on weapons, they showed real footages of people that were bombed. I heard after leaving the area in front of the stage a lot of silence, people were mostly just thinking about what they saw. I heard somebody said that it was too uncomfortable to enjoy the concert and they were thinking if it was right to dance during the show. And honestly I think it was right… like I know that these topics are sad, depressing and devastating but the band gave us the message and the space to throw all the frustration and sadness away. Maybe away is not the correct word but I hope you know what I mean. My partner said that It was so Rage Against the Machine.

This was the only concert we attended on Wednesday. I wasn't taking photos during Massive Attack becauce I didn't even thought abot that. Next we went to see what’s going on the rest of the festival grounds. It was kinda empty. No queues to anything or small ones so it was fast and pretty chill.

(sometimes kinda liminal vibes lol)

Thursday

Next day was a big Day for me. Concert I've waited so fucking long to see - NINE INCH NAILS! When I saw they will be there I almost shat my pants. I was so hyped. Our time before concerts looked mostly the same because we didn't wanted to go on every concert during the day. We wanted to eat, relax and enjoy our time also it was probably the first time that I was in Gdynia. So we went to some second-hands in the city etc.

After that we came back to our tents, changed our clothes and went to festival area to make sure we will be close to the stage. I really wanted to be close and see Trent Reznor on my own eyes. On the main stage there was another concert of - Tyla. She played two last songs so we entered the fenced area in the front of stage. Security guy checked If we don't have dangerous stuff ( the area in front of the stage was fenced and they were limiting the ammount of people that can be there so it was important to be faster to avoid queues and to have chance to be close to the stage ) and we stayed on the side to the end of her show so when her fans were leaving we could just storm right to the front of the stage.

We were in sixth row. Great view. I couldn't dream about better place during concert. The cost of that we were this close was the time because we needed to wait hour like this. We were watching the stage and how they were changing the whole scenery for NIN concert. I don't know when but time flew so fast during waiting. I was listening to people around me. They were talking all excited like me. The lights went on and the show began...

I gasped. I couldn't believe I see him live. First song began and I just started singing and jumping. The people around me were doing the same so I wondered If there is a chance for mosh pit. Second song started and I see people making circle and I said in my mind HELL FUCKING YEAH! The crowd in front of the stage was awesome. I saw some people that were on Tyla and stayed to see NIN evacuating from the concert. (They seemed to have no idea of what is going on and what kind of music NIN is, I hope they survived and are all allright). I wasn't checking setlist before but I hoped they will play The Wretched. And they played. I screamed and sang it so fucking loud that I hope nobody close to me turned deaf after that. What's amazing is that there was no break during this mosh pit. I felt that I will have a lot of bruises after and I almost broke my ankle because for the rest of this festival it hurt me so bad. Worth it. I don't regret anything. About hurting... They played Hurt as the last song. I was touched by the fact that the crowd just stoped jumping and everyone was singing politely. Honestly even after all those concerts later during days I think NIN was the best. I can even say the best concert in my life. Trent didn't even needed to lead the crowd and say anything. Cameraman did great job and sometimes I was watching whats going on screens. It was art. Everyone was in awe... just beautiful... performative. My words can't even express what I saw.

After that we went to eat something warm because it was getting colder and then we went back to tents to rest and enjoy what we just experienced.

Friday

We woke up early because of the sun and the fact that after 7 AM it was really hot in our tent. My friend Piotrek had tent that didn't get hot inside and I called him "bourgeois" because of that. Friday was a big day for Piotrek because - Muse was playing on main stage that day and he is a huge fan. I know Muse but idk I don't like them that much but as a good friend we promised him that we will go with him in front of the stage like he did with us on NIN. On that day also our other friend Dominik came to the festival, he is one of my favorite persons in this world. Like, he brings good vibes and he said that we should do something else than just chill on campground. So we went to festival area earlier than usually.

We were goofing around etc. It was good time. (don't mind my bitchface... I was happy... REALLY)

We went for a while to Mother Mother concert which was on different stage. I don't know them, maybe one or two songs and that's all but Dominik wanted to go. We also went to big tent where were stands and activities like "Femfund" where our friend Zuza (Nekrofobia) was making screen prints on bandanas after paying donation for "Femfund".

Time passed quickly with activities like this and we went to the main stage to wait for Muse concert. Tbh it wasn't the greatest show... The mics weren't working at all... and sometimes we couldn't hear what they were saying. Even the crowd started to shout "MICROPHONES" to give them a sign that something is off but they didn't fix that probably because they didn't know what was wrong and how long will it take to fix it. So the crowd sang. Piotrek was jumping and singing. He really enjoyed this show. They played "Supermassive black hole" and we all pretended that we are Alice from Twilight throwing baseball. Also I think they had too much effects like, confetti, firethrowers from the stage (Like it wasn't hot enough?).

After this concert we were a little bit disappointed (except Piotrek) and we went to merch shop to see what's there. I bought myself some stuff. It was the last day that the queues were small and then after that we waited for Justice concert because rest of our friends wanted to see that.

AND THAT ONE WAS FIRE! It fixed all the disappointment after Muse. My boyfriend didn't know Justice and he said sth like "close enough, welcome back Daft Punk" he enjoyed their concert me also. Unfortunatelly my back and ankle started to hurt so bad and we went out of the concert crowd and sat down under the fence and stayed there for the rest of the show. This day we came back to tents really late. Busy day... but I knew I need to rest before Saturday...

[tacoma-narrows]

Twenty (Three!) Years of Humanistic!

Abandoned Pools' first album, Humanistic was released 23 years ago today, on September 25th, 2001! For anyone who doesn't know, Abandoned Pools is my all time favorite band! I found them through Clone High in September of 2020 and immediately connected with a LOT of their songs, and in that time, Humanistic became my all time favorite album! A spot that it still retains to this day hehe.

So when I found out that the following year, almost a year to the day from when I started listening to Abandoned Pools, was Humanistic's 20th anniversary, I knew I wanted to make something big for that occasion! I ended up making a drawing based on each song in the album! This is similar to what I did for Owl City's album Cinematic later on, which I posted last year.

This is also sort of a look at proto Let's Get Back! in a way! I made this when LGB! was still just a duo act with PB and Shep, since Rye and Pumpernickel didn't join the lineup until I was about halfway through the project, and the band wasn't officially named Let's Get Back! until February of 2022 lol. The cover image here is based on the actual album cover for Humanistic, and I edited later to say "Covers by Let's Get Back!" to make it consistent with the rest of my LGB! art :3

Each piece in the series is below the cut along with the song they're connected to and some explanation about each one. Again, these pieces are three years old at this point, so some of the art is a bit wonky looking and some of these piece I'd do differently if I were to do them today, but most of them still hold up pretty well I think! :D

1: The Remedy

I based this one on the line “save your breath, your soul is hollow” and wanted to do something simplistic but still interesting! According to my friend who also likes the song, this is “exactly how that song feels” lol. It was fun working with silhouettes here, which is something I've done here and there in the time since.

2: Mercy Kiss

I decided to not actually draw them kissing bc the song says “I don’t need your mercy kiss” haha. Wanted to capture sort of a defiant attitude for this one. Posing is a little off here, and I've tweaked some minor things abt their design but overall one that I'm still pretty happy with :]

3: Start Over

I was SUPER happy with the posing on this one, I love the sense of motion it has. Basically, I wanted to express being stuck in a cycle and just wanting to go back to the way things were, which was something I was REALLY feeling at the time, but is still sort of applicable today.

4: Monster

Another one I REALLY like, with this one, I wanted to show that I can be a force to be reckoned with when standing up for myself. Or at least that’s how the song makes me feel. It’s a good rampage song too. This is another case where I really like how the pose came out. As you can also see, this is the only piece without PB since I wasn't sure how to incorporate him into this idea, but I’m sure he’s still involved somehow lol. Also this is the best song called Monster, I do not take criticism at this time.

5: Blood

Blood always feels like a sort of gloomy, spiral-y type song, so that’s what I went for. The line “we watch it burn, and we never learn, this can’t be what you’re waiting for” was really the focus for this one. A neat vibe with this one overall I think that I'm pretty happy with.

6: Suburban Muse

Suburban Muse makes me think of like, a fake sitcom town where things look normal, but things aren’t as great as they seem if you look a little closer. It even says “cue the canned applause” at one point. Also, those sort of, weird reality dreamscape neighborhood liminal space images like this where you can see where it's coming from but they just feel, off y'know

7: Sunny Day

This one is kinda weird because Sunny Day is kinda weird (though in like the best possible way, I love it). I couldn’t quite come up with a solid idea for both my OCs here, so I based them on two separate lines: “my head is inside a cloud” for PB, and “get off the bathroom floor” for Shep. In hindsight, I don't think the two separate lines approach really worked here since it feels more disjointed and not really representative of the full song, but I still like it well enough.

8: L.V.B.D.

This one was hard to come up with something for. I’ve never been super crazy abt L.V.B.D. since it feels, Very Hetero™ and I’m not about that. But it’s still sounds great and I’m definitely super glad it’s part of the album. Went for drawing Shep and PB here as little stuffed dolls, which is related to the acronym in the song’s title (which stands for Little Virgin Baby Doll) and I couldn’t think of anything better aha. I should draw plushies more often though

9: Ruin Your Life

Important: Shep and PB are only upset with upset with each other for the sake of this drawing, as I refuse to let anything bad happen between them for real. Anyways, the expressions were really fun in this one, and oh boy does this song feel very relatable over the last year or so.

10: Never

This one is very similar to Ruin Your Life for me, where it’s a sort of comforting during a dark time kind of way. Just crossing the days off hoping that things will get better soon, that’s what I went for here. The calendar is listed as 10/12 since this is the 10th song out of the 12 on the album, and the image is a reference to a previous drawing I had done of PB and Shep together :3

11: Seed

Personally, Seed is my least favorite song from the album as a whole, for similar reasons to L.V.B.D. but in a, more gross kinda way that conflicts with my ace side. The song still sounds great musically for sure. Even tho I’m not super crazy abt the song, I actually really like how this drawing came out, in fact it might be my favorite out of the whole batch, ironically enough lol. The boys are looking down into a hole from the line “there’s no more grace to fall from, there’s nowhere left to go but down” and I'm really happy with how the perspective turned out!

12: Fluorescein

Finally, Fluorescein is my favorite song of the entire album, and my favorite song in general! It’s so aggressive and loud, I love it. I decided to draw PB confronting a giant Shep bc the song makes me feel like I can take on a huge adversary and win >:] Although I do like what I chose to do here, I kinda wish I had come up with something better to represent my all time favorite song lol

So in conclusion, like I said, Humanistic is my all time favorite album and it means so much to me. Really all of AP’s work really means a lot to me, but Humanistic in particular. I found the band through watching Clone High and I am all the better for it. So thank you to Abandoned Pools for making something that I’ve gotten so much out of and I absolutely cannot wait for the sixth album coming at the end of next year!! :D

So I hope you guys liked this little trip down memory lane with me, and if you're also an enjoyer of Abandoned Pools, please let me know what you think of these and what your favorite AP songs are! I'd love to know! And if you don't listen to Abandoned Pools, I highly recommend their music if you can't tell lol. If you enjoy early 2000s alt rock sort of stuff, there's a solid chance you'll enjoy Abandoned Pools :3

[beatricebat]

There’s been a post nagging in the back of my head for literally a year. No one asked for this. No one wants it. It’s not even timely, since the 2025 Eurovision Song Contest is already over. I’m putting it up anyway, and I’m tagging @marleysfinest as the one person who might care about this nonsense.

This is Attack on Eurovision: 2024 edition.

You’re all so lucky I didn’t know you could just pay artists to draw stuff this time last year, otherwise I would have no money and my tumblr would be awash in Attack on Eurovision redraws. Anyway. Here’s all the songs I liked from last year’s Eurovision Song Contest as characters from Attack on Titan.

The Code - Nemo

All songs that mention Paradise or walls are AOT coded. I don’t make the rules. (I did make this rule.)

There’s some songs in this list where I need you all to hear me out, and some where I just need a couple of words. This is the latter. It’s very explicitly about being non-binary, so it’s gotta be Hange Zoe. Even if you don’t read Hange as NB, the joy and triumph on not fitting in but figuring it out anyway is completely Hange.

Rim Tim Tagi Dim - Baby Lasagna

I was torn between giving this song to Connie or to Sasha. I figured the theme of sadly leaving the pastoral home behind was more Sasha, and that it would be trite to give it to Connie just because it was performed by a man with silver hair. However, the song isn’t about wanting to go home, it’s about wanting to make something of yourself and sadly acknowledging that means leaving home, which is entirely Connie Springer.

Teresa & Maria - alyona alyona, Jerry Heil

This gave me Mikasa Ackerman vibes, but I cannot really explain why. I guess it’s kind of both a hymn and a battle cry, like grief and beauty and war all at the same time. When I hear it, an AMC plays in my head with Mikasa deciding to carry on fighting at Trost and under Eren’s ribs.

Mon Amour - Slimane

Oh man. The cleanest, strongest male vocals in the contest with a sad, seductive song about being in love in Paris? It’s Jean Kirstein and it’s not even close.

Doomsday Blue - Bambi Thug

Annie Leonhart. Nobody but Annie. Only Annie.

Even though Mikasa was the canon goth in School Castes, it’s still only Annie who was ever spiky enough to perform this…but it’s also a song about being kinda sad that the person you like doesn’t like you back, and that is Annie on the boat with Armin where she can’t quite figure out how he feels about her and is too vulnerable to get him to spell it out.

Unforgettable - Marcus & Martinus

OK, my first song on the list where you need to hear the vision.

Attack on Eurovision takes place on the boat from the TV series after party, where everyone is alive and kicking but also aware of everything that happened in the story. It’s a liminal space.

What happened here is that Marco approached Bertholdt with his gentle smile and asked if they could sing together. Marco admitted to Bertl that he’d written this song about Annie, and he played it for him as a slow piano ballad. It sounded nice, like it was admiring and also forgiving. It was Marco’s way of resolving things between he and Annie, and he hinted to Bertl that he could use it as a way to get in her good graces too. So Bert jumped at the chance.

And then they got to rehearsals, and it wasn’t a piano ballad anymore. It was a nineties techno number. There were strobe lights. There was choreography. There were shell suits.

Poor Bertl is just too shy to back out. He can’t find a way to tell Marco to fuck off. So he has to go through with it.

Bertholdt hates it. Annie hates it. Marco happily humiliates himself for the sake of peaceful revenge.

Hurricane - Eden Golan

This loud, mediocre, politically controversial song placed fifth in 2024. It’s tough to believe it placed fifth based on its own merits. Exactly like Eren Jaeger.

[gking10]

Liveblogging TMAGP 8: Running on Empty

I relistened to Fatigue from TMA a week ago. The title makes me think of that. Running empty of caffeine?

CAT2RBC3366-12072023-28022024Architecture (liminal) -/-hunger [coursework]

Huh. Liminal space definitely fits the Fatigue vibes. Why is 'coursework' a subcategory of hunger? What does it even mean? Someone sets out to do a project for multiple days for an architectural course and doesn't eat an entire thing the entire time? When I get really into a project, I don't eat. I don't even drink water. It's not that I don't notice I'm thirsty or hungry, I just keep telling myself "I'll do it later" because I really want to finish whatever is in front of me. I'm really prone to that type of thinking, of sometimes just bashing myself against the brick wall deliriously until it finally caves. Mostly because if I ever stop in the middle of something, I usually just kinda give up? I've been trying to be less all-or-nothing, but it's a whole thing. The incident elements involved perception of time and reality warping, which matched Spiral... and then there's also cannibalism. Now I'm thinking of Confession and Desecrated Host (which ARE Spiral statements by the way, you will not convince me otherwise.)

1:34 - "Coursework assessment report 13718B" Wow, okay, we're just going right into it! Also I just noticed... the video itself titles the episode as "Hostile Workplace". But this involves a school course, doesn't it? Where does a workplace come in? Or does it just mean "workplace" as in where the student does their work? The liminal architecture, maybe? It could be like the garden in Putting Down Roots, a space the lures people in.

2:13 - "Extenuating circumstances: Serious Medical Condition, Trauma, Miscellaneous" What did Terrance go through? And this is just the extenuating circumstance for why Terrance submitted work late... 2:28 - "Title: Forton’s Brutal Liminality, a case study of architecturally induced psychological stressors as a result of prolonged exposure to liminal spaces in the Brutalist mode as exhibited by Forton Service Station." Huh. So maybe this is the "workplace". I'm not quite sure how Brutalism intersects with the presence of liminal spaces. To my understanding, brutalist architecture involves minimalism and leaving structural features exposed rather than hidden. Designing for efficiency without adding anything superfluous. I'm not sure how this type of design leads to prolonged exposure to liminal spaces. Liminal spaces are points of transition, places you aren't expecting to spend much time in. That's why its weird when you have to focus on one. Like hallways. Or places that should be in use but just... aren't. Are defined by people using them but are seen completely empty. Perhaps the liminal space is a long tunnel within the service station. A place purely for walking through. And I guess the brutalism would be the fact it is merely a tunnel and not a lobby or anything else? I'm unsure.

3:43 - "This often results in exposed raw materials, stark forms, repetitive geometric shapes and monolithic structures." Repetitive. Monolithic. Like a hotel hallway lined with identical doors that stretches on and on forever. Like a dull grey staircase where every floor you stop at can only be differentiated by the number. Okay, I think I'm starting to see the vision, actually.

4:23 - "Specifically, it creates an effect of absence despite presence, an “architectural hunger" of a sort" What does this mean? A hunger for architectural variety, I guess? Terrance honestly seems like a Robert Smirke. He's researching architecture and its affects on the psyche. It's a shame Terrance is probably going to eat a man alive before he gets the chance to analyze what other anxieties different structures may instill. 4:38 - "Service stations such as Forton were originally conceived of as a location in and of themselves rather than merely a pause in a journey. However, with the widespread adoption of personal automobiles and the subsequent overdevelopment of UK road infrastructure, these spaces transitioned into liminal spaces." Fuck cars. Is the architectural hunger... the hunger of the architecture itself? A hunger to be filled, to be in use? In all the long car rides I've been on throughout my life, being driven out of state to visit family, I've never really thought about the gas stations. Earnestly, I spent a majority of my time on those trips asleep, mostly to avoid the tedium of simply sitting and waiting. I guess because of that, being awoken to a stop never really felt uncanny or unnerving to me. Although, now that I think about it... I think that's only really true with the small gas stations. The bigger ones? I would start to feel lost in those. And Buc ee's? I've only been the Buc ee's twice in my life, and each time, it has been overwhelming. The sheer size of the crowds, of people just walking by each other, it is. A lot. They have good burritos though, so worth it. I think the big places get to me because you say there longer. With a small gas station, you just use the bathroom, maybe buy some chips and candy bar, and then you're gone. Each stop and Buc ee's lasted 30 minutes. Or at least felt like it. Too big. Too long. A nice place to visit, but not somewhere I'd like to stay.

4:59 - "Not only this, there are perceived time distortions associated with such spaces exacerbated by the deliberate absence of clocks (to encourage longer stays)" I thought they just did that in casinos but... have I ever seen a clock in any gas station? Fuck. 5:28 - "they have thus become dislocated from humanity’s shared mindscape" "In essence, I believe the “architectural hunger” of a space that resents its own transitional nature can be dangerous" I looked at the wikipedia article for liminal spaces and found the idea of a non-place. This what is is. A nonplace. A place that isn't a place because no one intends to stay there and no one knows anywhere there nor wants to be known by anyone there. But not just that. Terrance is describing a place that's just been... cut out of the shared subconsciousness. A place people just refuse to think about. Psychological abandoned and resentful. It makes me think of a line from an SCP that's sat with me for years. "There's only so much that hate can build up in a place before it starts hating you back…" I'll be surprised if this doesn't begin to touch on hostile architecture. Not the fictional hostile architecture of "oh this building is going to eat me alive" but the spikes put the stop skateboarders and the useless fake benches with unnecessary dividers put up explicitly to keep homeless people from being able to sleep. Ever since I first learned of the concept of hostile architecture, it's made my stomach crawl. And it would be all in service to keeping a space liminal, wouldn't it? It's directly to prevent people from being able to stay, because god forbid people have a place to be that isn't their own home or work. I'm not sure if this report is going to go there though, there's no warning of homelessness in the incident elements. Still, I would appreciate it being tackled. 6:48 - "No-one has eaten there in decades." That's sad. The restaurant actually sounded pretty cool. But I guess, that's the thing. This isn't a place to stay. It's not a place to really visit. It's a place to stop and that's it. So why would you need a restaurant when some random fast food chain gets the job done without any extravagance? Why stop to enjoy something? The only stopping here is now done out of pure, utilitarian necessity. Although, doing a tiny bit a research, it seems like Pennine Tower was also closed because it wasn't fire safe. Which does match with a rise in brutalism, of needing buildings to be built explicitly to purpose, but also like... fire safety is important? I don't think that's a wild take. Still, I don't know. Abandoned places are sad. The fact it's a restaurant though? And there's going to be cannibalism? I think we are going to see someone eat there soon. It will not be pretty.

7:41 - "until finally, one night, I realized that I had not seen a single person." Yeah, fuck that. I said it during Personal Screening, I'll say it again, spaces that should be filled with people but are not are BAD and you do NOT WANT TO BE THERE. 8:39 - "I maintain that the phenomena was accompanied by a disquieting sense of absence. Of hunger." Terrance keeps insisting on this hunger thing, which doesn't make sense with what he has said so far in this essay, and it is unnerving. It's just uncanny language. A sign that something is wrong with the way he is processing things. The lights were red, white, and yellow. Bright colors. Associated with hunger.

9:22 - "That’s when I realized why this all felt so familiar. Timelapse." So he's just seeing... a timelapse of people and cars? Traces of directions, all the paths their move in, without any of the actual life to accompany it? Feels like Lost in the Crowd. A crowd without people. A night at a service station without cars. All of the lights and movement and yet no cars. This is surreal. I like this. 10:17 Helen? Surely not. But god, the way the colors are described as a cloud of mist, pure gaseous sensory overload chasing after him, it gives me chills.

12:26 - "I tried to listen to any one conversation it was just… noise. A muffled murmur that sounded like speech but held no information." God, it's this part of the Lonely. Something about this really affects me. The idea of normal idle life just being... imitated. Being fake, not real. The Lonely doesn't much scare me when it's just being alone, but when it emphasizes the idea of being surrounded by people and being completely unable to connect, relate, or even understand? Everything just becoming... background noise? God. I feel like every one of these starts with me declaring the incident one TMA entity, and then halfway through deciding its a different one. "This violin is Slaughter- no, actually Flesh." "These volunteers are Desolation, no, Stranger, no, EXTINCTION!" "This is clearly going to be Spiral, oops, it's Lonely." If the entities have become blended, they are doing a really good job at it. 12:54 - "there were even recurring features iterating on different faces: the same green eyes on two women, identical moustaches on three men." Hey, I hate that actually. Very glad this is a podcast and I do not have to visually see that. It's an uncanny valley thing with me, I cannot stand that.

13:44 - "They were gaping square holes and beyond them was nothing at all" And my stomach became a gaping hole upon hearing those words. There's nothing out there. There is no outside. There is no past. There is no future. There is just here. You are here. Stay awhile. And then they start eating Terrance... 16:41 - "though I am painfully aware that no missing person report was filed with the police since apparently none of my colleagues, tutors or fellow students noticed my absence." Shit, no wonder something related to loneliness targeted him. That's depressing.

17:16 I keep hearing mechanical sounds. Like a camera flicking back and forth and refocusing. I'm just taking notice of the scene notes on the transcripts. The incidents have always said "CYBERSPACE", which I haven't taken much notice of. But this scene? "CCTV". That's what this is being recording on. That's what's watching them. I really should have been paying attention to the diegetic reason why we, the viewers, have even been able to hear all this.

18:21 - "and did you hear Lena put Colin on “mental health leave”" Well, Colin's gone. Hopefully he was actually put on mental health leave and not... shot.

19:01 Sam's phone. The scene note is Sam's phone. Something escaped. Something got in.

19:07 - "Sorry for the mess, I wasn’t expecting anyone." GERRY! I was spoiled that Gerry appeared at some point, it was impossible to avoid, but GERRY KEAY? HERE? NOW? THIS EPISODE? And Sam just knows him????? 19:58 - GERTRUDE "That would be me." I was wrong last episode. This will be the death of me. I somehow did not hear about THIS and I am glad because WHAT THE FUCK I guess Sam and Celia and investigating the Magnus Institute? Gerry is so cheerful and nice here. Like, he's so happy he doesn't even sound the same. It makes his fate in TMA even sadder.

20:39 - "What exactly did you say was your business with my grandson?" Is this an act? I think I remember Gerry was often mistaken for being Gertrude's grandson in TMA, so is she just leaning into it? Or did Gertrude full-on adopt Gerry? Was Gerry raised by Gertrude instead of Mary Keay? It would explain why Gerry does not see to be miserable.

21:05 - "I see. Well I’m sorry, but I don’t think Gerry can help you-" It's subtle, but the static rises here. Is Gerry getting compelled? But by who or what? It wouldn't be Gertrude, she's trying to hide it. 23:03 - "I’m trying to look into… Weird physics stuff: time travel, other dimensions, teleportation, all that good stuff." DID CELIA CROSS OVER SOMEHOW???? 23:21 - "You’re not doing research for that podcast you were on, are you?" THE FUCKING WHAT 23:27 - "Then yeah. I’m doing a favor for Georgie." FOR WHO? Celia on What the Ghost? Hello?????? That's the episode. I wondered again why "coursework" was a subcategory of hunger... Then I realized that the brackets are different, that's the format of the statement, not a subcategory. So I'm an idiot. I am also realizing there is chicken in the oven I should have pulled out 30 minutes ago.

[alittlehumandisaster]

i had a dream back in eighth grade when i started going to [high school] for my advanced classes. (warning it’s kinda like . liminal space/weirdcore/traumacore/dreamcore/whatever after. it could freak you out.) i would look for an accessible elevator, but it would take me to an old, almost backrooms vibe area where you’d have to crawl because the hallway was so small. the elevator wouldn’t go back down, and you would want to look away but you couldn’t. there were bars around me, and you could try to find ways back to the classrooms but you were in almost a crawlspace. it felt so claustrophobic. the lights were so dim, and if you tried hard you could kind of see dms. you could find so many people talking, but you were separated from them. and if you looked away, out of the corner of your eye, you’d see them looking directly at you through the bars. but not with the eyes on their face, not usually. there would be these huge eyes, looking at you from the back of your head. you were trapped. you were stuck. and eventually, you got to the end of the tunnel. but you couldn’t go back. you realized it was shortening as you went. you were stuck in a tiny box, wired bars covering the only way out. and depending on the dream, you’d either start hearing people laugh at you, or they’d go to class and you’d be alone. and the lights would go off completely. you couldn’t see anything but the wires. and eyes. you could see eyes.

[fetusmeme]

What are your theories on TDAC?!?! it can be theory fodder or something. I just want to hear your thoughts!!!!

I don’t have much sooo far but I do have a theory that not even Caine knows what the hell is going on

I also wanna say since i’m super into liminal spaces and dreamcore I have this weird feeling it’s gonna have the same vibes as I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (which i’m pretty sure is what Gooseworx has said before)

but with more in style of the backrooms and stanley parable!!….. kinda lets say roblox dreamcore map (which i love im addicted to dreamcore maps on roblox)

so far it’s giving I have no mouth and i LOVE IT

also have a suspicion they all did something to end up there, there’s no way they all aren’t connected in some way ya know?

[eyeballtank]

Do most games look similar? Kinda

This image is clearly made to spark shit on /v/ but it does make me think a lot about videogame aesthetics and graphics.

Maybe one reason the games on the right look alike (Besides the cherrypicked screenshots because each has moments where they don't look alike) is because they chase "realism": Videogames may never be "truly realistic" and since the 8th gen, it feels like we hit a wall.

So if anything, these games are going for a rather "shared idea" of realism: That's how you think these games might as well have the same engine, same universe and same people behind.

Of course, you can still point out how stuff like lightning, fire, smoke etc isn't easy to do and even a cel-shaded game with 2D visuals may have some weird oddities in terms of visuals.

And then there's also the usual effects: Motion blur, chromatic aberration, bloom, lens flares, SSAO etc. Stuff tied to post-processing or something.

Is it inherit to games becoming 3D in general? Not sure.

But I believe it can't be because of "realism in general" because with 6th gen games, certain titles were always aiming for "realism" and still have a different "feel/vibe/whatever you call it" compared to 7th gen and beyond.

Maybe how Death Stranding or GTAV look and feel is something Kojima or Rockstar always wanted to achieve even during the PS1.

But it won't change the fact that how MGS2/3 or how GTA VC/SA "feel" may resonate more with people.

Remakes are another good example when you compare Resident Evil 4 to its remake.

Even Crysis, a game once praised for being graphically impressive, gets a remaster and I swear the differences barely mean shit.

I can see someone saying "is this why Zoomers think Half-Life 2 or GMod are creepy?" because of liminal space memes but it shows that even a "realistic enough" game can offer different moods not present in games with generic realism.

And people also associate boring realism with "boring colors" so you have 7th gen shooters being brown/gray and then you get a "counter trend" of Fortnite clones and "looter shooters" with overuse of purple vomit.

Another thing worth bringing up: Yellow paint, which is a result of "realism" where everything blends in visually, when good art direction of making stuff apart can work even in "realism".

Maybe why people disliked the "it knows it's a videogame" direction of Doom Eternal is because it was still a graphically advanced looking game but the yellow paint thing also gets worse because it's applied to remakes, as in, RE4 for example which never needed yellow paint before... but now it does?

It's a side effect of an issue with "realism" where stuff becomes harder to read, so developers come up with these goofy solutions that wouldn't be needed if they had a better art direction.

It also happens that "realistic" games are more likely to age compared to cel-shaded/stylized games like LOZ Wind Waker or Okami (And sometimes, some cel-shaded games get remasters that add bloom or weird color effects).

But one thing is realism, another is fiction or rather, influences/inspirations and certain trends in sci-fi and fantasy.

There's that one image of Everquest 3 I think, that shows a contrast between old and fantasy aesthetics.

One has an image that's essentially a fantasy painting with neat designs and a level of atmosphere/realism, the other shows that specific Warcraft adjacent art style you see more often.

That style people associate with Blizzard, League, Dota, Smite, DarkSiders and more.

Besides the style in itself being overused, I think people hate it because they associate it with being corporate and safe, which adds some irony to its history coming from Blizzard being into Warhammer: A series rather known for being "grim and epic" (But even WH itself would have stuff that's tame and boring).

The Demon Souls remake is a good example because you go from From Software being inspired by dark fantasy and Berserk to something with generic lightning/colors and an official reference for the Flame Lurker literally admitting using Diablo 3 as inspiration.

Even sci-fi in terms of aesthetics has its trends: Part of why Halo fans dislike the 343 art style.

(Mostly because of when tech is meant to be grounded and when it feels like "fantasy" to some degree).

(Oh and this also reminds me of that "magic tech" fantasy in stuff like Immortals Fenyx Rising which I wonder if it's inspired by the Disney Atlantis movie).

So if the fantasy side of things has WoW, Dota, LoL, etc then the sci-fi gets what: 343 Halo? Destiny? Anthem? Warframe? Gears of War?

Even then, these aesthetics could use some "studying" so one can why X feel this way and why Y doesn't etc.

The modern Doom games are at times criticized for having these trends (Specially because Doom is technically both sci-fi and fantasy).

One can at least say that even classic Doom wasn't the only thing in the 90's inspired by Aliens/HR Giger (See Metroid or Contra) and old DnD.

But I guess it also depends of why people like certain aesthetics and the mindsets behind them AND of course: Personal preferences.

A lot of iconic gaming franchises were born out of devs copying media from outside the medium, from Link being inspired by Peter Pan to MGS being a mix of movies, hence Kojima says "My body is 70% made of movies".

Gravity Rush is as unique as it is because Toyama and his team were influenced by Moebius, while the pointless movie will definitely be inspired by the MCU.

We can also bring up Signalis being inspired by Blame! but the aesthetic itself isn't trying to be an old Nihei manga.

Another id example: Hunter from Quake 3 being inspired by Simon Bisley's Full Cirkle.

I was wondering if it counts when certain artists or studios are involved in some games, like Ni No Kuni looking very Ghibli because Ghibli was sort of involved in the first game's cutscenes.

Maybe this is why some don't care that PalWorld may indeed copy Pokemon: Lot of games might as well copy each other already.

Whether it's in AAA or indie games (Even in indie, people will be aware of some trends but not others, like making fun of "quirky Earthbound clone about depression" label that probably applies to only one game but nobody mentions the amount of "boomer shooters" that exist... just saying).

And this isn't just videogames: Think of mediums like films where you see something with good setpieces and then you see something more recent with generic "ahh so pretty" special effects.

Like how people prefer older horror movies that make good use of practical effects or that one time a LOTR movie gave people headaches because of its visuals.

I just saw some images of a Wizard of Oz remake being made and how boring it looks compared to the 1930's one.

Like in general, ask yourself: At what point does this type of realism becomes part of someone's vision and not either a decision by the publisher/executive/etc or just guessing by what mass audiences supposedly like?

Pretty sure Hitchcock had a quote about realism and art: How art being too good at copying realism can make it boring because it's just reproducing nature.

Maybe a lot of amazing paintings from certain eras like the Renaissance are amazing, not because of how realistic they art, but because they're a rather "idealized" form of realism.

Edit: Might as well mention "Uncanny Valley" because of both realisitc games reaching it at times but also how a certain "idealized realism" is lik the opposite of Uncanny Valley.

And I guess how some people deslike stuff that is otherwise impressive to casual viewers like artists such as Sakimichan.

Edit 2: I could've also mentioned how some games do gore, scars, disfiguration etc and how some make it seem "plastic" looking. Look at Ghouls in like Fallout 3 and compared them to FO4, where they looked creepy in the former and look like someone in a rubber suit in the latter.

In general, I like to think there are ways to make a game more impressive nowadays.

Basically, make your game copy great illustrations instead of "realism" or live action movies.

Pay attention to how colors and brushes are used in some artworks.

Copy some designs if you have to, since you'd be less likely to end up with some designs you'd see in an ArtStation account (Even if you just mindlessly follow blogs that post old sci-fi art).

AI art may not work because you need to understand what makes some art good (And if anything, AI art is already used to mimick the more generic art styles out there).

You may not need that many polygons, maybe go for a 6th gen style at best.

Do a good job with colors, textures etc.

And while your game does a good enough job at copying Moebius, Druillet, Barlowe, Nihei etc, I guess you could also try neat tech shit like reflections or "portals", like the 2006 Prey game.

In general: Make your game look like a painting, not a movie.

And about my stuff?

My game looks ugly for a lot of reasons like its weird resolution, me focusing more on other stuff, the fact that it's my first game, etc.

But I do hope someday to not only get better art but also better at taking influences more seriously.

Lot of stuff in Nortubel already copies some things and I hope to be better at copying some things even if I can't do it alone.

Chances are that even in Nortubel itself, I'll end up with some trendy elements but I still wanna give an impression of some creativity and preferences.

In general, this blog post could've been an article or video done better by someone (So feel free to use this as a reference), because if I'm terrible at "critique" or "essays", I hope to be much better at making games and actual stuff.

This post should also be useful for anyone who wants to be a dev.

Edit 3: Could've mentioned Concord because I heard Metal Hurlant was an inspiration, but the game doesn't seem like it went far enough with that.

[atomic-thomas]

(Fake ASMR Commission) Exploring An Abandoned Mall With Your Meteorologist Wife [Part 10]

_______________________________________________

“Mmmmm~ Good Morning, Sweetie~”

…

“I feel so refreshed. The thunderstorm… The sound of your heartbeat… That might’ve been the best sleep I’ve ever had.”

…

“I did notice that it feels warmer than usual right now. I know it’s Summer, but… This feels above average. Especially given the fact that we have the AC on. I’ll check the weather for today.”

…

“Oh No… That does not look good.”

…

“It seems like today is the beginning of a heat wave. It’s 80 degrees right now & it’ll peak at 95 around mid-day. With high humidity at that.”

…

“Well… Think of it this way. Temps this hot with this much humidity will make for incredible thunderstorms. This would be tornado weather back home.”

…

“Oklahoma is gonna be one hell of a mess today. I sure hope my team has fun down there.”

“Speaking of which, we’ll be going home tonight. And if you remember… There’s one thing in particular that I wanted to do before leaving.”

“Explore the Diamond Run Mall in Rutland.”

…

“Like I said… I think it’s abandoned. I mentioned how this mall was in pretty bad shape the last time I went there. It was still functional, but largely empty. Most stores were closed. And now… Enough time has passed to the point where I think something has changed. It’s been many years since my last visit. I’m convinced that there’s a difference now. There has to be.”

“So whadya say? Wanna go on one last adventure in the Green Mountain State?”

…

“That’s the spirit! No heat wave is gonna stop us.”

*long pause for scene transition*

*car door opening & closing sound*

“Oh… Oh Wow…”

…

“Well… We have our answer. It’s official. The mall is completely dead. Not a shred of life left. Just an empty husk of a building.”

“The parking lot is vacant… There’s graffiti everywhere… Broken glass… Untrimmed foliage… There’s no doubt about it. The Diamond Run Mall is officially defunct.”

…

“As someone who visited this place during childhood, it gives me a heavy heart. It’s saddening… In a somber, nostalgic way.”

…

“Yeah, let’s go in. We’re getting cooked out here.”

*longer pause*

“Wow… It’s everything I remember, but… In ruins.”

…

“Talk about a real life Liminal Space. This place is textbook.”

…

“I love how big, open & spacious it is. Everything just towers over you. And the skylight is still so beautiful. The dilapidation gives it this ethereal sanctuary kinda vibe. I can’t help but smile.”

…

“It’s still pretty hot in here. Makes sense. It’s not like this place has functional air conditioning anymore.”

…

“Well, here’s the central area. I remember there was a play-place for kids here. Just a little indoor playground. And of course, these benches surrounded the area for parents to sit down & monitor their children. Good times…”

“And over here… There was both a Subway… And a pizza joint with one of the weirdest names I’ve ever heard of.”

“Sbarro”

…

“I have no idea if I pronounced that correctly. There’s an ‘S’ & a ‘B’ together. Is the ‘S’ just silent & you only say ‘Barro’? Like… ‘Hold on, I’m just gonna borrow this pizza real quick.’ Hehehe~”

…

“Oh, this room right here? This was… A place that had something to do with glasses.”

…

“I genuinely forgot what they did here. I can’t remember if they fixed glasses, replaced them… Or maybe it was a shop & you could just buy them… Maybe all of the above… I really don’t know. All I remember is… Glasses.”

…

“Ooooo, I remember what this room over here was. The ultimate candy store.”

…

“This place was shining with vibrant rainbow colors. These glass cases had every kind of sugary sweet thing you could imagine. I could practically feel the cavities forming just by being in here.”

…

“Oh… Um… And here… We have some vandalism.”

…

“Pretty standard activity for abandoned places. Whoever was here just crammed these chairs into the wall & left them stuck there.”

…

“*snicker* The original text on the wall just makes it even funnier. ‘Wall of Fame! These Local Students Have Demonstrated All-Around Excellence.' Hehehe~”

…

“I noticed that there’s random toilet paper everywhere. Some graffiti there… Just more of the same.”

“God, this place is a mess.”

…

“It was inevitable. It’s just crazy how I used to go here with my mother on shopping trips as a little kid… And here I am now. Exploring the ruins as a married woman with my spouse. Life can take you full circle sometimes.”

…

“This fountain is all dried up. Hella dusty to. And there’s… Ew, what is that?”

…

“It definitely looks like mold. Whatever it is, it’s gross. There’s a lot of broken stuff over here.”

…

“Ooooo, I remember what this ominous dark room used to be. A Bed Bath & Beyond.”

…

“When I was a kid, I was very simple minded. Bed Bath & Beyond was lit up with bright golden colors. So it made me think it was something I’d be interested in. Reminds me of another store that was somewhere in this mall. One that was lit up with Autumn colors. Can’t remember what it was. I do remember it being next to a jewelry store though. Surrounded by green marble walls & fancy cases.”

…

“Oh! Oh My God! We found the arcade!”

…

“I wish everything in here still worked, but just being here is good enough for me.”

…

“I remember trying my best to win tickets. There were all sorts of prizes I would trade them for.”

“This machine right here was the most consistent method of grinding tickets. I don’t remember what it's called, but I do remember what we did with it.”

“Basically… A light would travel around a ring of bulbs. And if you stopped the light on a bulb with brackets, you’d win the jackpot. A huge amount of tickets.”

…

“With enough practice, you could get the timing down. It was so satisfying to watch dozens & dozens of tickets pile onto the floor as the machine printed them out. It made you feel rich & skilled. It was the best!”

…

“Hmmm… Ya know… I have Mobile Data. I could look up when this mall became abandoned. I still have some questions that haven’t been answered.”

“Let’s see…”

…

“October 2019. Wow, so it’s already been abandoned for nearly six years. Really shows how long it’s been since my last visit. But I still wonder…”

…

“Oh… Apparently, this place is slated for demolition at some point. A Walmart Supercenter is planned to be built in it’s place.”

…

“Six Years is a long time to have demolition plans. I wonder what’s taking so long.”

…

“Well… Whatever the reason… I guess this is the last time I’ll ever be in this mall. I’m glad that I got to experience it one final time. And for you… Both the first AND last time. Hehe~”

…

“Let’s head back to the hotel & pack up. We need to be at the Burlington Airport soon. Our flight leaves tonight.”

*longer pause for scene transition*

*airport ambience plays for the rest of the audio. will provide in Tumblr DMs.*

“Sigh… Airports, am I right? Just a lot of waiting & background noise.”

…

“I'm probably just gonna sleep through the whole flight. It’s been a hot day full of walking & packing. I’m ready to pass out to be honest.”

…

“We might meet that chatty flight attendant again. But I’ll most likely be too sleepy to notice. I really just wanna be back in Oklahoma right now. A good ol’ fashioned storm chase would reinvigorate me.”

*phone buzzing sound*

“I feel like I already know who that is.”

…

“As expected.”

…

“Hey Sam.”

…

“I know I sound exhausted. I’m just really tired.”

“No, I’m not bothered that you called me. I’m just… So done right now. Heh…”

…

“Yes, we’re at the airport. We’re coming back home.”

…

“Hell yeah. Count us in for a storm chase the next time we get a Tornado Watch. Who knows? Maybe we’ll see Reed Timmer out there.”

…

“Yeah, probably not. That guy constantly drives all over the place. The odds of running into him are slim.”

“So… How’s the temperature in Oklahoma right now? I assume pretty hot, right?”

…

“High 80s… Yeah, that sounds about right.”

*announcement sound. Will provide in DMs*

“Will Rogers International Airport in Oklahoma City… That’s us! Sam, I gotta go. Our flight just got called. We have to board now. We’ll see you soon.”

…

“Alright honey. No time like the present. Let’s go!”

_______________________________________________

THE END

[romilly-jay]

Ooh yes, another *gem* of a book

*** some spoilers - maybe / probably - mostly in the linked review ***

I'm not naturally inclined towards buying hardbacks (and it occurs to me, for someone who REALLY LOVES BOOKS to wonder a little about what's going on there & why that is*) BUT I've bought a few this summer. Sometimes that's been because I wanted to rush into knowing about the book market in bits of the genre fiction world that appeals to me or thought might be useful as comps for my MFA project. That was the rationale for diving into the hardback version of // The Last Murder at the End of the World // The Ministry of Time // The Mars House - listed in the order of reading, though in terms of order of enjoyment, that would go: TMH, TLMATEOFW, TMOT.

This one was different - I was Gifted! A! Book! Token!

Method for choosing the book was the usual, though - word of mouth recommendation. Definitely picked up The Mars House because Stuart Turton recommended it (GREAT call). Picked up The Ministry on the advice of my supervisor - not a rec exactly, in that it hadn't been published and neither of us had read it, but we did know that it had been a Big Book that generated Widespread Interest and Sold At Auction for Lots of Money. And then Natasha Pulley, writer of The Mars House, recommended this one. IMO she was Not Wrong <3

So - what's it about? A steam-train journey across ?Mongolia? in a fantastical alt-19th century - a treacherous but also compelling Wasteland. Three viewpoint characters - i) a teenaged Chinese girl who has grown up on the train and is able to cross its liminal spaces, ii) a Russian woman in her ?late 30s? who is travelling under an assumed identity for Reasons, and iii) an English academic in his ?50s? who is, from one perspective and not fully surprisingly, sort of the Bad Guy, or at least having tendencies in that direction.

I read it in London in a gulp - so much of a gulp that I essentially skim read the middle in order to find out what happened. I'm an anxious reader and I tend to feel that I need to prepare myself. Felt that even more in this case when one of the bloggers I came across described it as "horror adjacent". (I've just re-read the Guardian review below in case it was in there - it wasn't, though they do make brief mention of elements that they consider "terrifying".) Will say, though, that I didn't really ever get that vibe. I'd clearly need to read it again to be sure but for me the fantastical and the tension-of-adventuring predominates. There's mystery and strong hints of nefarious deeds - but horror? Kinda, I guess. This is the spoilery bit, I suppose - in my view that's flirted with briefly and then resolved relievingly fast. Thank you, Sarah Brooks, for taking pity on this nervous fellow traveller.

Then, I brought it on holiday - initially because I was going to lend it back to my goddaughter and gifter of the book token (see end of post for a reflection on my baked-in belief that books are for sharing). But seems like we're not going to see each other after all. So - now it's with me Just For Me. And I look forward to re-reading. More slowly.

Here's the review - mostly a really nice one, but even more basic than that, these days, amazing and fabulous that it exists at all. I saw SB's comment about it on formerly-Twitter before I saw the review on the Guardian website and she seemed pretty happy with it.

Also - a pic of the French cover... (No mention of caution in their version of the title, but perhaps they don't have a similar tradition of guidebooks of the kind the English title riffs off and references?)

And - an interview with the author (in advance of the book being published). Bravo to her for winning that comp! I can see how that made a huge difference for her - in gaining access to an excellent agent and the profile her book subsequently achieved. But I'm also encouraged by her account of the length of time she took to write the book - I think from beginning to end it might have been as long as 10 years (she doesn't say so, precisely, here) - and I feel like I can see the benefit of time in the quality of the finished writing and narrative.

Also, her encouragement to quietly ignore the world and just - write.

[This seems more achievable than the part of the story where she enters and wins a competition - so far, that's not been something I've been able to achieve. Best I've managed is a finalist place for one poem and that wasn't really the kind of comp that would Advance a Career. Not a problem for the immediate future. Will worry later.]

Somewhere else - possibly in the book acknowledgements - SB talks about how her own travels on the Trans Siberian Express were a key inspiration for this book - and I love the way that both roots the book and also doesn't constrain it (versus, for example, a travelogue...)

*Actually, on reflection my current answer is that it's a blend of things. The most positive strand is that I became a reader as a library book borrower - from the village library initially, school library later. So, I formed the habit of seeing a book as something one possessed for a period of time and then returned so that someone else could read it. (Also, this reduced the investment threshold and made it easier to experiment with reading unknown authors. Didn't like it? Could just... GIVE IT BACK.) Second strand is maybe positive, maybe neutral - it's the "don't make a fuss" puritanism that seems surprisingly embedded considering that the dominant family line traces back a few generations into definitely RC Ireland. Pragmatic, anti-showy, "let's not waste our money". Guess it's also working class (I'm not but three of my four grandparents definitely were and concerns about having enough communicated themselves even though I'm not aware that in my immediate, nuclear family we ever actively struggled for money as I was growing up??). And in adult life that has intersected with the "let's not be wasteful" impulse that correctly arises with environmental concerns. Third strand is the shadow, the YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT strand. Painful to acknowledge.

[maguro13-2]

Demons Unleashed ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Gaiden Pt. 16 ~

"Somewhere in Frederick County Maryland..."

Tamaki : Oi, Sister. I just discovered something amazing in the woods after my 9th birthday. There was this mysterious heart-shaped object that was lying at the shrine for almost a week or two. Heart-shaped meaning it's a sign from Denmark. What does Denmark have to do with Hearts?

Jenny : Oh you know. It's just no special reason you weirdly grew up in the body of a 17-year old girl, you sure that your body can handle this age-progression form can you?

Tamaki : Don't sweat it! I can take care of this. This is the only body that I needed for after I was sent here to the Real World in order to escape from the Time Eater's clutches. Man, Shinra would be alive after his resurrection from his 1000 years of death. This wasn't the last time I've known him being reborn after the universe we lived in was destroyed after defeating the creation of Demon Vibe, the Astral Puppet Evangelist. Don't know when, don't know why, don't care. Geez, this hadn't been for the creation of Shinra's world since the annihilation that I survived.

Jenny : Well, promise that you wont' do it again on the meantime, Tamaki. So be a good person and keep this one up. I hope we can get back to the place while were not along at the fields near the Maryland Woods.

Tamaki : Well, if you say so. Alright, coordinates set. So, Jenny, about that age-progession thing again in the 06, what was that--

*PHONE BEEPING*

Voice : Sorry, the person you have reached is not in service. Please enter a voicemail to "Jenny".

Tamaki : Piece of Junk! Okay then! This is why T-Mobile sucks! Good thing I have unlimited Data with Verizon. Now then... Time to find out what to look into...for my investigation.

[Revolution to the Origin Pt. 1 - Hideaki Kobayashi]

Tamaki : Geez! This place kinda gives me the creeps. Was this underneath of the school in Maryland? nobody would noticed that the state has a some kind of labyrinth or a dungeon. It's probably liminal spaces like whatever that built this place underneath the school. Just a friendly reminder that this was no ordinary set up to have something underneath the Maryland Woods. Probably something like since we gathered all the wine from Loudoun County, Virginia. Oscar, I finally hit the jackpot.

Oscar : You sure Tamaki? This place is definitely not right for us. We could get in serious trouble if the principal finds out that were investigating a mysterious place that is located underneath the woods of Maryland.

Tamaki : Trust me, this would be the last time that I ever seen a Pure Heart like this in a dungeon. This has got to be the right way. Nothing's to be afraid of, it's only just a dungeon, there's nothing like it's supernatural forces coming along. Don't patronize it Oscar, I think I find something clearly, that of being the finder of these rare objects called the Pure hearts, is an absolute genius who wanted to collect.

Oscar : You think?

Tamaki : Relax, I'm in total control what's the worst thing that could happened? Oscar, wait there. I'm gonna go take a closer look. Okay, Oscar? You got the picture ready?

Oscar : Ready! (starts filming)

Tamaki : Here it is, look what I just discovered underneath the campus in my hometown of Emmitsburg. You won't believe that I found a mystical item that was discovered by yours truly, Tamaki Kotatsu. Kinda age-gaped into a 17-year old despite being 9 years old, I dedicated this factor that I will reclaim this Red Pure Heart object as my prize possession. So what to do with this object that I am currently acquiring it, is that I'm going to show this to my friends. Now watch carefully as I replace this object...(swipes the Red Pure Heart with a box of chocolates) With a box of Chocolates! That was too easy! Piece. of. cake. (a Boo is heard laughing) Very funny, Oscar, could you please not play your video game so loudly?

Oscar : Uhh, I'm not doing anything. That's not me playing a game. I just left my Nintendo DS as the dorm. (hears another boo laughing)

Tamaki : (looks around curious to hear the Boos laughing) Yeah...On second thought, you are right. That wasn't you playing a video game, but I can hear the noise of a Ghost with yellow eyes that is looking at me. (right next to her is a Bomb Boo) Huh? Relax, it's only a Boo from the Super Mario World, it has a black color scheme, what's up with that? It's look cute and harmless.

Oscar : When you say "cute and harmless", despite the Boo calling it "black" and "friendly" I don't think that's not an appropriate name for that.

Tamaki : Then what do you mean?

Oscar : I heard this type of boo that has a weird fusion with a Bob-Omb. Aren't you going to realize that this kind of Boo has the ability to explode?

Tamaki : Wait sec. Are you saying that this Black Boo's...A BOMB?!

(Bomb Boo laughs)

Tamaki & Oscar : (screams in horror) HUWAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Tamaki : It's a ticking time bomb!

Oscar : It's going to explode and might destroy the whole campus!

Tamaki : We gotta get out of here before we're toast! But let me grab this first! (grabs the box of chocolates)

[Denkou II - Hideaki Kobayashi]

Tamaki : Alright! time to bail! (the two starts running) *Panting* Come on, Oscar! We can do this! We need to find a way out of here! I can desperately know where the exit is! This way follow me!

Oscar : To where!?

Tamaki : To escape, that's what we are going! Now come along and keep up with the pace!

Oscar : It's "Pick up with the pace".

Tamaki : Good answer! This is just like Indiana Jones does! And it's What Indiana Jones does! Party on!

Oscar : Not gonna lie! But good job on swiping out the Indiana Jones scene. That was a good opportunity! Hey, you might wanna check your pocket mirror, Tamaki. We got a bad feeling about this!

Tamaki : Huh? (opens pocket mirror to show a horde of Bomb Boos) Oh, crud! You gotta be kidding me! There's too many of them! Better shake them off! This way, Oscar! This way!

Oscar : Hope you know what you're doing! Cause it'll might last these guys if we know how to shake them off!

Tamaki : Exactly! There it is! I see the exit! Now to pull off for my amazing trick on these Bombs. (opens up the box of chocolates)

Oscar : You sure that is good idea! I don't know what's for sure that how Chocolate can distract these fellas?

Tamaki : Trust me, I know how to deal with these guys. Save some for me next time. (closes the box) Hey, ghostly! You feeling hungry, here! Feed this! (throws box to the Black Bomb)

Bomb Boo : Ha! What a stupid move for a--(realizing) Oh poop. *DBZ SFX : Loud Explosion*

Tamaki & Oscar : (yelling) WOAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *THUD!*

Tamaki : Finally! Made it out alive! This heart here is rightfully mine. (this scenario ends with Tamaki holding the Red Pure Heart) And that's why the Red Pure Heart was a truly a discovery for Valentine's day. End of Story.

[everyone applauses]

Jenny : That's quite an amazing story, Tamaki, but when did you exactly finding out that you discovered a mysterious temple that is located underneath the campus?

Tamaki : I just don't wanna brag about it. Maybe it's just my tale of how did I discovered a mysterious object that is in my hand. So maybe I was the one who founded it in the first place when it comes to this Age-progressive form. Not to understand the details, but it's completely weird.

Jenny : Yeah, completely weird. So what if I did something cooler than before?

Tamaki : Well, I don't know. We could do this sometime in California, in St. Mary's County, southern tip of the State.

Jenny : Good for you. Well, Hey, Tammy. Now that you're story has quite a notch to the point of your early days of sunday services, I just got an important meeting with my boyfriend. He's sound sick when it comes to the younger-brother syndrome.

Tamaki : Tell him by that. He'll be lucky to be there. See ya around at campus.

Jenny : See ya. (walks off)

Tamaki : Haah. Another day to be a Nun to work this off, I mean I practiced sunday service every sunday after my parents abandoned me at the county at Age 4, so I literally spent my life at here being the only girl who I was literally nine years old. After eighth my birthday, I turned into this...A nine year old girl who transforms into the body of a 17-year old girl. This body should quite be capable of my learning skills if I'm willing to be in the terms to study science, history, geography, art, and everything else to bring knowledge to my head! That is simply the reason that I discovered this rare mysterious heart-shaped object called a Pure Heart that was located underneath the campus. But what's it doing here in a place like this? Sounds like a mystery to solve again. Ah, great. Here we go with the Saturday morning syndrome. (sighs in relief) I better get going before any trouble will be the death of my life.

Saber/Arthur : Shinra, I think we found our prey.

Shinra : (via radio) Excellent idea, Arthur Boyle. Everything is going according to plan. This will be the lifetime reunion for the greater goods. And I will have to prove them of what it means to be hero of the created world.

~ Stage 20 : The Rookie of the Past ~

[elodieunderglass]

Oh it’s even more than that! The cis straight guy is very often a ride home, dad or husband. Or a Bob which I will explain in this essay is a signifier of a healthy ecosystem, like frogs are.

This is a 3 am take so consider this a blanket apology and a readmore but if you hate this post you were warned.

If he’s someone’s ride home, then his presence enables queer people to show up. Note this importance in, say, rural America or where the person might use a wheelchair or need care or can’t drive. Or where the meeting place is generally awkward.

If he’s someone’s dad, his presence enables kids to show up. I know a 5 year old trans kid in real life. I know a nonbinary teen in real life who’s allowed to do a lot on their own, but their parents worry, and if they’re hanging out with adults the parents want to attend and meet the adults. Teenagers are so liminal with this.

If he’s someone’s husband, that’s a perfectly common accessory for a bisexual, nonbinary, or trans person. I think it adds a delightful dimension to queer spaces. I think it’s great that there’s a whole class of sexuality that’s “bi wife energy” or “straight except for loving this person” or “straight since I think nonbinary people are considered a different gender to my own - actually I’m completely lost about whether that’s true but we’ve been married ten years?” or “straight except for the fact that my partner transitioned, and we’re still married, and it’s none of your business.” At this point they’re so common that they’re their own subspecies. I think all spaces should have a slightly bewildered guy in his late forties who owns a set of good screwdrivers. I am bi and have one myself; it is a common pairing. “Why would your husband come to your social thing” idk this is a genuine thing people do sometimes in non-tar-pit spaces. They stop by. It’s almost like birds. You meet this incredible ornate, splendid older queer person and then they introduce their husband Professor Robert “Bob” Kevinsworth, who’s just this extremely straight old big fat Linux geologist in a 90s t-shirt with a trout on it, they’ve been married 45 years. Evolutionary pressures mean that the Bob must be relatively drab in order to camouflage themselves on the nest or something; if you want to attract the flashy half of the couple to your garden, then you have to provide habitat for Bob. idk it’s 3:46 am right now. But it’s like frogs; the presence of Bobs indicates a healthy and established ecosystem, like Grison and Derin indicate. Because frogs, who absorb environmental toxins readily through their skin, are an indicator species for pollution and biodiversity; a Bob means there is going to be less toxicity and more diversity.

[And also it’s none of our business but there are an awful lot of queer Bobs (Bob himself, again, possibly being queer) and it’s really none of our business. Sure, maybe that person looks like a straight grandpa. A lot of people do/did. I have always hated the idea that you can “spot” a queer person by their haircut, clothes or youth (largely because I don’t look very unusual or amazing myself.) the oldest nb person I know is a sort of Bob with a big white beard and grandchildren, and I’m sorry but at their age they are NOT going to be getting a different haircut! Let alone pink Shein dungarees and black circle sunglasses to signify their queerness to gatekeepers. A lot of people seeing them would assume they are cishet. Nope! Just old, fat and unfashionable.)

So a space that doesn’t have room for a cishet guy is a space that has made decisions about children, non-drivers, a large proportion of bi and nonbinary people, straight trans women, dads, and so on.

Which is fine in itself I suppose, but what they’re clearly kinda selecting for is a population of able twentysomethings who can all have sex with each other. and the thing is that there’s often a vibe they feel annoyed by seeing people they don’t want to fuck (children, middle-aged people, unfashionable queer people, people unironically wearing trout t shirts).

So in my admittedly highly limited personal experience, the exclusionary “queer spaces” just tend to be an elaborate drama-production exercise for twentysomethings to date each other, the rituals are intricate etc.

And all the rest of the weird queer people are just. at the seed swap.

I'm kind of at a point where the "queer spaces" i feel safest in are the ones that have a pet cishet dude or two hanging around

[myminimes]

I dont think I've ever actually posted here before hah, but I wanted to make a note of this for us and wasn't sure where best, but I almost remember a bit of teenagerhood when we used to be on here lots, so idk felt comfy to me.

So I really like scrolling the 90s nostalgia tag on tiktok and the like backrooms/dreamscape/liminal spaces kinda ones, usually with that "aquatic ambience" sound cause it just... it feels more like home than my own memories do sometimes...

So much is blocked out for me, and so much just doesn't feel like me. But the vibe is there. And I want to be able to go back home. Back to when I wasn't stuck in a grown adult body with adult problems and responsibilities.

Although something else that I've realized... I felt safest in my childhood when I was alone.

I see the images of kids playing with other kids or just sitting watching the old Disney logo opening with other kids or at a playground with parents. And like... that was all well a fun, but it was in a kind of exhilarating and exciting way. In an unpredictable adrenaline rush way. Because I never felt safe. I never knew when the person I'm with might turn on me and the fun time turn into a nightmare. Whether they would suddenly hate me or I do something to make them change their mind or anything could happen making the whole thing change in a snap. Even when I was happy, I was scared. I was waiting.

I only ever felt safe when I was alone. Thats why my happiest memories are quiet, peaceful moments where it was just me. I was the only one I could trust or rely on.

-M

[solidwater05]

I uh. forgot to make this a post but!! I dreamed that my school had a series of hard to access unused rooms, it was kind of a maze because of how it was structured and there was never anyone there, so I really liked those rooms because of how quiet it was and also because hell yeah, liminal spaces

I don't remember the layout but I know that it was divided into three sections which I'll be calling the front, the back, and the middle. The middle was bigger than the front and the back, and the entrance was harder to find. Inside of the middle, the rooms were bigger and darker, and in general the vibes were very different, so whenever I wanted to hang out here I'd go to the middle

The middle can only be accessed from two points, one in the front and one in the back. You could be in rooms over the middle, but those would still count as the front or the back (I don't think the back had any rooms over the middle tho). It was impossible not to recognize the middle with how different the vibes were

The front was the first section you'd get to if you decided to enter the maze. It has an entrance to the middle, I think it was a thin space between two misaligned rooms. Said misaligned rooms were the main challenge when trying to navigate the front

The back tho? There were ramps and vents, and in general the architecture felt a lot more hostile. The border between the back and the front was roughly where the first drop appears. The back reminds me a bit of some rooms in the mansion from Death's Door

The entrance to the middle here was a vent that could be accessed with a small ladder

Now, in the dream, I wanted to go to the middle. I did so from the front because why would I go through the entire maze?? But when I got to the middle there was very loud music playing, and the room was full of party decorations. I don't remember what any of these decorations were, and I don't think they exist in real life

The rooms were completely dark, and there was only faint colored lights illuminating the decors, but it was impossible to see the ceiling and the walls were barely visible. The walls were very dark grey and kinda fuzzy, like big speakers. If you looked up, you'd only see black, there was nothing there. Each room was probably around 100 x 100 meters, with an infinite or at least much larger height.

There was no one in any of the rooms, but the lights were still all on. Not like they illuminated anything

Each room had its own color and unique decorations. The purple one had light lavender glowing tiles, and it makes me think of those big glitter circles

I feel like there was an orange one, and something there blocked my view for a bit. I also feel like there was a different orange room, more yellow than the other, that had a stage. Nobody was playing, but the light show was on

There was a silver one. It had an object covered in thin silver glitter

There was a lime one, I think. I don't remember any details

Apparently, the middle was redesigned because it was hazardous, and the school management didn't want anyone getting hurt. So it was made into a party, to be better for teens

I was not happy about this, so I decided to enter the middle from the back instead, because in my dreams I'm usually aware of the fact that the same room can change drastically based on which door I used to enter. Unfortunately it was still the same from the back

There were more things before and after this, but I don't remember them well enough to write about them