#i wanted to buy a good one but i'm already gonna have to buy dragon's dogma 2 on like 3 installments 😭😭😭😭😭

[kulvefaggoth]

I've been having the worst luck with game controllers these last few years e.e

It's true neither the one i bought or the one i got from my friend were brand name ones but damn it sucks to feel twice now the damn things just stop working little by little😭😭😭

[stealingpotatoes]

POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!

ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags

warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):

SESSION 1

whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan

ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass

only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit

my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs

hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????

omg a jedi and an evil jediii

omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately

i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight

WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO

i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful

I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown

i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve

everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???

my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen

huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine

ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK

ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits

googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip

SESSION 2

i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point

all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….

why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword

maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE

was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted

why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia

why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???

carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not

a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project

mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school

SESH 3

tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games

ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won

REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!

why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????

lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident

"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER

BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??

CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber

if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho

whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate

SESH IV: A NEW HOPE

'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo

LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU

thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary

UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE

someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes

all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch

YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but

cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council

why can everyone smell my force juju so strong

THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA

why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor

bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow

malak is like evil aang

revan is so much shorter than malak omg

are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan

poor mission ):

WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???

im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me

kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong

IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!

does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's

damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident

A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started

master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil

even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN

'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??

omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3

HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??

i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever

they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin

he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila

OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!

omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi

maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia

seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA

also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me

im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now

FSESH FIVE:

big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line

oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues

well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening

yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians

oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho

wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them

i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc

ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????

cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????

I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS

if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid

anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to

"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord

bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart

THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???

omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year

OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA

ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia

also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was

master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda

LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL

omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!

I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO

omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have

im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin

omg hyperspace from star wars

THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???

am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout

maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow

[kiwi accent] six

carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me

also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out

i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out

THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????

lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes

there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now

bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades

this isnt a combat system this is a missing system

I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL

nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties

why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission

this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl

i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon

MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????

but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE

so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie

great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills

bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY

ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever

omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem

[mychlapci]

Broody Carriers!! There's this fic on Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/58022971#main (I'm on mobile so I'm not sure it'll work, it's called Brooding Brain and is a Jazz/Prowl fic.) and it scratches my brain so good. Just what I needed to add to my personal headcanons regarding carriers.

Personally, I prefer mechs laying eggs over live birth. Makes more sense in my brain and some species, like chickens, get broody when it's time to lay some eggs. Prefect to add to my egg-laying carriers. And because my favorite pairing is TFA Megop (as you might have noticed from some other asks you've gotten lately, I'm just going to refer to myself as Rozie Anon from now on) most of the word vomit I'm throwing at you is based on them.

So, Optimus is usually the one to get sparked, so I'm gonna focus on his brooding state. (Imagine this is some vague peacetime au and Megop is already established as conjunxes.)

At the beginning when he first gets sparked - once he's gotten over the shock and subsequent urge to murder his conjux - things are going pretty smoothly for the first trimester. His body is reconfiguring itself to better support the bitties and is putting on weight due to the cravings of various material. From hard metals like iron and titanium to soft, precious, metals like gold and silver. Energon prepared in different ways like extravagant, well-crafted and nutritious, 5-course meals or just the raw crystal to munch on. (I like to imagine he has a small hoard of various, common to hard-to-find, non-perishables. Gold and silver nuggets, coins, and chains, crystals either energon or otherwise, even shed armor pieces that would have normally been smelt down. It's like a little dragon hoard :3c)

His hips have widened with his growing belly and his thighs are thicker to accommodate for the shift in weight. He has the same pregnant thought process of "Oh Primus, I'm getting fat, I'm fat! My conjux is never going to want to touch me again!" Megatron has to reassure him that he's just a beautiful as before and honestly to him, he looks even more so, if that was even possible.

Second trimester comes around and Optimus is starting to get achy. He's starting to get more and more moody and, well, broody, as time goes on. He's crafted a wonderful little nest which Megatron pitched in for finding the right size frame, mattress, and buying a shit-ton of material for it. (He's a warlord, it's fine, he's got the funds to spare, anything for his wifey.) Optimus starts complaining his back and feet ache, his protoform has gotten more sensitive, and his titties are finally swelling. Megatron pulls out all the stops for him, back rubs and foot baths, massages (that often turn into back-blowing sex), milking his swollen titties, and just generally spoiling his wife rotten.

Optimus finds that it's getting harder and harder to concentrate, he's reluctant to leave the nest, and he starts getting more snippy and aggressive with anyone other than Megatron. He once snapped at Strika for something minor and then began apologizing profusely, only for her to laugh and say that she knew he didn't mean it, he's brooding and can't control himself. In fact she says Lugnut's brooding state was worse when they had their bitties. He's really more of a hissing kitten compared to Lugnut.

By the time he's in his third trimester and his due date is coming up, all his higher brain functions are shutting down quickly and his core temperature has risen. He rarely ever leaves the nest anymore and can really only get out one word answers for things like "fuel", "energon", "cuddles?", and "spark". The only time where Optimus is more or less cognizant at this point is when they're spark-merging. Spark-merging for a Carrier, especially with the sire of the sparklings, is one of the main ways to properly stabilize the sparks. It takes a lot of strain on the Carrier's spark to support the clutch (for Optimus, a clutch of five), and sharing sparks with the sire or another mech with a close relationship helps lift that stress. It's also a good bonding experience for the bitties even before they hatch.

Optimus is still getting railed and milked even while broody though. With his higher brain functions shut down, all there is left is instinct, and he's become Horny As Fuck. Being horny and broody at the same time makes him insatiable. Megatron is the only one who can properly satisfy him because he's the only one who can get close enough to him without the threat of getting mauled. He was basically getting fucked 24/7 before, but now Megatron has to tie Optimus up and set a sex machine on him so he can take a break.

Finally, his bitties are ready to be laid. The eggs are bigger than expected so it's a tight squeeze and long labor. Megatron is by his side the whole time, coxxing Optimus through the whole process with Ratchet as the mid-wife (the only other person that was able to get close to him). And once the eggs are out, Optimus immediately sets upon laying on them, all his vents open to dump as much heat as possible on them. Eggs need to be kept at a very specific temperature, which is why incubators were created, but it would take a few months before Optimus would be coherent enough to allow them to be moved to an incubator.

After those months are up and Optimus has started coming back to his senses, Megatron is able to convince him to move the eggs to the incubator. And once they're safe and secure, it doesn't take long for Optimus to regain his composure. He's still a little moody and occasionally takes an egg or two out of the incubator to place in his pouch (I like to think they also have a marsupial-esque pouch to carry the bitties while their either still in their eggs or still small enough to fit, the pouch can get up to forging temperatures for eggs), but is otherwise back to normal.

Until Megatron knock him up again.

ohhh inch resting... broody carriers are certainly fun, and i draw extreme satisfaction from imagining a tuckered out Optimus all splayed out over his precious eggs... He's all hazy and hyper-protective of his clutch, not even Megatron could tear him away from them. It's best to leave the happy little carrier alone...

[888-fr]

WHY I DON'T RETIRE MY SKINS: an essay

Disclaimer that I'm speaking from a point of being established here, because not everybody can afford to run their skin shop like I do. I don't judge less established artists for needing to limit their skins because they can't afford to print a run with only 2 people on it. I'm also not judging anybody who does retire their skins after a set number of prints - whole different matter! I'm giving an opinion piece based on my own personal thoughts about running my own skin shop.

Okay, now that's out of the way. I really dislike the idea of time-limiting my skins. There's just no actual justification for me, as an established skin artist, to limit skins I know will sell... aside from prestige, and putting buying pressure on my customers. So there's a couple of reasons I don't like that:

1) Erodes trust in the artist.

Yes, I could probably make more money if I kept my skins limited so people HAD to pick up my skin on release. Maybe even all 4 colors of the skin, including the one they don't really keep in their hoard. Just in case they want it down the line but it won't be available anymore.

Is this good business practice though? Do I want people to start feeling panicked every time I ping for a release, because they just picked up a new project and really really CAN'T afford to be buying skins right now but there's 5 colorways of my skin available and they'll probably be resold for 2kg as soon as they retire?

Personally, no! I want people excited when I ping, not feeling dread in their hearts and budgets. I want people to be thinking: 'Awesome, a new skin! I can't afford that right now but I know he always keeps a few on the AH at print price even after preorders end. Even if I can't buy a skin just this moment, I'll be sure to keep an eye on his thread for when I have gems again.' Or: "Awesome, a new skin! This one doesn't appeal to my lair aesthetic, so I will just nod and smile. I don't feel the need to buy it in case it gets popular for resale, because it will always be on the AH for print price."

People tell me about unsubscribing from GASP because they get anxiety being pinged for skins they want but can't have. So I want people to stay on my pinglist because there's no pressure on them whatsoever to purchase anything. It'll always be here, okay? In the meantime, just enjoy the art, maybe preview it on a scry or two. I'll be here if you're back in three weeks, or three months.

2) Passive income!

I lied. I probably would've made less money time limiting all my skins than by keeping my skins restocked. A couple of reasons for this:

- My earlier skins sold worse. This isn't psychology, it's just numbers. Some of my most popular stock were made early on in 2021/2022. I didn't have that many sales then, so could you imagine if I had retired them immediately after that? There's 230something copies of SAILOR'S WARNING out in the world right now. If that skin was time limited after preorders died down, I would've sold "only" 50 forever.

- People see my shop stock whenever you ping for a new releases. I get 3-4 sales off auction house whenever I release something new and people check my front page. It's not a lot but it's consistent.

- It's a win-win situation, okay? If a skin is popular, there's no reason to time limit it to drive up sales. If it IS popular, then people are going to see it on other people's dragons, go "damn that's a nice skin," and maybe do an AH search for it. And if there's a cheap print price copy available, they're gonna buy it.

2) Reprints are easy!

It was a lot more annoying to keep track of queue numbers and inventory back when reprints had to go through regular queue for a week. Did I put in 10 copies of SUNHEAVEN already? Wait, are my kitsune aethers back yet? How many of MOLOCH are still listed?

Now I can put in a blueprint and get my reprint instantly. No fuss at all.

3) I don't want to buy into the 'this is a retired skin' hype...

This is just personal preference. It makes me feel a little bad when a public skin I made is popular and people can't afford to have it. I'm not judging anybody who does like it when their skins are rare, special, and sought after.

It's just... I get that part of my brain scratched from my customs. They're gorgeous, they're 5 prints, they're on the AH for 30kg if you really want one. Most importantly they're niche and high coverage enough that even if someone hadn't paid me to draw an exclusive skin specifically for their dragon, they'd never do well as a public skin anyway.

Here are some tips for people looking into keeping their skins unlimited:

- You don't need to do it like I do.

Blueprints are expensive. Even I don't have my entire catalogue stocked, only the ones I noticed always have reprint requests. For example, only SAILOR'S WARNING out of 4 total colors for my impm skins is kept stocked because the others don't sell enough to justify it.

If you can't afford to stock them 10 at a time, have the customer provide the blueprints. Shelving your skins but having them be reprintable with a BP and a fee (350g is good for 850g print prices; remember, 500g of that went to you purchasing blueprints in the public run, so it doesn't make sense to charge customers a whole 850g when they're already providing the blueprint) is a good alternative to permanently retiring your skins. You don't get a ton of people who can afford that, but the option is there for people who want it.

- Notice which skins sell!

If you already have a good amount of skins in catalogue and have trouble figuring out which ones to begin stocking, you can start by checking in with your pinglist. Poll them and see which ones you'd want to rerun.

- Don't have so many recolors.

It's a law of the universe that they more recolors you have, the worse they sell collectively. I usually do 2, no more than 3. If you have to time limit your skins to get 6 recolors to hit print, then it's time to cut those recolors down.

There's reasons for this: it's choice paralysis, people may want 'complete sets' and will skip out if you're making that complete set cost 4kg total, and it just plain doesn't make sense for very similar color schemes to cover 4 different skins. Feel free to print personal recolors or have custom recolors open.

[lemonhemlock]

what are they doiiiing, man

The more I believed I wasn't a book puritist, the more this show is trying to make me one because what are they doing?

Everything is inconsistent from episode to episodo and from season to season, like they're not even trying to make it believable

The only good thing is fr Daemon plot and this does shock me because I wouldn't have believed it before lol

And they're kind of making me feel angry about the green (alicent the most, because what are you doiiing? Not even on a book!alicent point, but from the same shows, she is always something different and it's humiliating really)

Idk, i try to take all with a light heart but... it's still able to make me quite mad

And sorry for all the typos and errors, I'm in a rush dhsjal

i mean it's a really disappointing season

i've said it before in my critiques, we can argue all day about characterisation (maybe some actually see aemond as an emotionless psycho, maybe some actually buy that alicent would sell out her own sons for rhaenyra), but there is little to no buildup for these HUGE changes and they don't even make sense in the context of the story. the greens are so, so emotionally flat and one-note melancholy with stunted dynamics. if they don't give a shit about each other, why and even HOW could the audience? where is the tragedy? ok, you want to make those changes from the books and create completely different versions of these characters: you have to make me believe it, man. you have to put in the work.

but these writers don't even understand the politics of the world they are inhabiting. they're not fixing any plot holes from the books, they're creating more. how the heck is house hightower JUST fine with having TWO members of their family dismissed in quick succession from the small council? who is financing this war? uncle hobert should be writing angry letters to aemond demanding appropriate reparations or else the hightower armies go back to oldtown. if they are not going to advance their own interests further as a house, why are they fighting this pointless war? tyland lannister should have given aemond some lip back for his attitude since house lannister has resources (i.e. armies, ships and gold) that aemond needs. these people have power! we've already seen the riverlords take no shit from daemon and he has a dragon too!

i've said this already to our dear @stannisfactions, so i'm gonna repeat myself here, but if alicent somehow became convinced that aemond was so off the rails he was going to get helaena killed................ there are ways around that that DON'T involve selling out your entire family to rhaenyra (certainly your male relatives, even the ones who didn't do a damn thing to you, like your brother, your uncle, your cousins, YOUR OTHER SON (THE NICE ONE), who are only following YOUR lead at the end of the day, because YOU put aegon on the throne and told them to mobilize forces and declare for him and now rhaenyra will see them all as traitors.

has everyone forgotten how to stage a castle coup? i know vhagar is big and scary, but she's parked way outside KL and aemond is just one man who was NOT shown to hustle for his own connections and personal network of friends. smack him in the damn head and throw his ass in jail!! tell everyone else the now-conscious KING aegon told you to! alicent was ruling queen for many years, it makes no sense for her not to have her own resources and courtiers who could help her do this.

can you imagine joffrey baratheon, surrounded by lannister guards loyal to and paid by tywin lannister, whose war is financed by the lannisters, dismissing tywin or cersei (or even tyrion) from his small council? are you laughing yet? why doesn't alicent have her own private army of hightower guards loyal to HER? unless you want (and need) her to be the stupidest person alive so that you can write your rhaenicent fanfic 🤌

they want to humiliate alicent so much to „punish” her for ~choosing the patriarchy~ instead of her bff rhaenyra and girl power. it's such an overdone storyline. other shows, books, media have done it to death, why is it in my dragon show, too? she can't have been a competent regent for viserys and not know how to do these things or not have acquired the resources to do them if necessary. how can she be both competent and incompetent when the plot requires it? it's giving wanting to still have the cake after eating it and throwing it into outer space

[itsravenbitch]

I'm done. I'm done with the struggle, I'm done being afraid of my own power. I'm getting in the void today and living the life of my dreams.

I scripted it already. I just want to slide right into my new life with ease. Investments have paid off. I have millions. My financial paperwork will be tucked in the safe in my closet along with some 10k stacks of USD, EUR, GBP, and CNY...30 gold bars and stacks of nicely stored Silver Coins. Throw in some Copper Couns and Titanium Bars for diversity. Self storage cause I'm a Dragon.

In this safe the paperwork will be for my equity portfolios in Blackrock and Fidelity as well as my automatic Treasury Bill portfolios which churn about $10million of liquid USD in interest generated income (currently 600k a year). I'll also have the check books for my 10 liquid cash bank accounts/money market accounts, which always have 250k in them each...my independent financial advisor in NYC makes sure of it...also my tax guy. I visit with them once a month and take a long weekend to enjoy NYC and New England.

I haven't bought any houses yet. Still shopping. Still wondering where I want my routines to be set. But I will be in the process of buying my Mother and Sister properties...also setting up some cash transfers for my friends...anonymously ofc. They'll know I'm good, but I'm keeping all my shit private.

I'm gonna be a dragon. One unified by light and dark. A witch. A curator. An explorer of the multiverse. I will spoil TF outta my family and friends. Live by example and inspire others. Explore all studies of this reality concept and make my life a masterful piece of art. I'm not a gaudy rich person, I'm intentional and tasteful. Luxury that is feng shui.

I've been here all along. And I'm now getting in the vehicle that will ground me into this reality.

ain’t gon lie you kinda lost me.. but i love to see ppl finally be done w the bullshit of the same cycle

[britt-kageryuu]

Donnie is working on some little bipedal turtle 3D models. He explained it was for a new game idea he had. The audience was kinda confused, because Donnie was already still working on his other games project. So they asked.

"Hmm? I see a good portion of the chat today are not part of that Discord. In short, the game is basically done. We're just going through a rigorous bug hunt, and one other issue before release." Donnie switches the screen to show a menu screen.

On the menu screen is three 3D anime style girls in typical poses, but then it glitches slightly so the girls eyes are now purple with some symbols in them, before going back. Also on the screen is a little dragon like stuffed animal that moves between the girls. The game title is 'Stream Restore!' in changing font so that it matches each girls aesthetic.

"For those you don't know this is Stream Restore, the game in question. I won't go into detail because I might spoil something. The main reason, other than bugs, that we haven't released it yet is mainly distribution. And maybe some localization issues. But most how do we distribute the game to others."

Donnie switches to a screen with a spreadsheet of pros and cons of different places that indie developers can sell their games from.

"Clears Throat. As you can see, we're going over the different, would the word be publishers?, sites that you buy the game from, you can see we even have a note of just distributing it ourselves from our store, but it's still a bit of a holdup." Donnie stops to take a drink from a cup that reads 'Spare Battery Juice'.

"Anywho, that is for a different day. What I want to focus on is seeing how well I can put together this new game. It's going to just be a little 'Cozy Game' thing. Though it's going to be based on our backstory. Let me bring up the-" Donnie pauses and turns to look slightly down at something.

"Hello. How may I help you, little lost one?" Donnie quickly mutes his mic before anything else can be heard.

The audience can see that Donnie is talking to someone, and even grabbing his phone to call someone. But they're going a bit nuts with wondering what is going on.

Then Donnie, without un muting, switches the screen to show a game environment that resembles a defunct underground train station with fairt lights strung all over. He then starts to add and move around little pieces of furniture. Then adding one of the little turtle models and had it walking around the environment.

For the next few minutes Donnie is moving things around and changing colors, and switch out the turtle with a salamander, and then started to dress up the model.

He pauses again, and looks up towards someone likely Raph and talks with them shortly before they left, and Donnie un mutes his mic.

"Sorry about that. Red is watching Stars sibling again, and they keep wandering off during games. And apparently they like the studio because of the random stuff we leave sitting around here." Donnie pauses to look behind himself at the studio, "We should clean up a bit in here, some of this stuff is a potential tripping hazard... but that is for later. Now let me actually explain what I was just doing while entertaining my potential younger brother-in-law."

The next bit of the stream is just that. Going over various ideas for this little game, and possible plans. All while purposefully ignoring those who want to know more about the 'brother-in-law' comment.

---------------

Masterpost

I feel like I'm just gonna start having Donnie talk about game ideas I have, but no idea how to make them, or if they're possible.

[alexissara]

Alexis Sara's Top 10 Most Anticipated Games Of 2024

We're about to enter 2024 and with that we have all the lists, lists I am not immune to making because I slowly build them up all year. Last year I played a fuck load of games and so this year I wanted to talk about 10 games I think look really fucking cool that are coming out in the next year or two. Some of these games are likely to release in 2025 instead but it'll be fun to see if they remain on the list next year then. I mostly just wanted to spotlight some art that looks cool to me outside of the context of a Sapphic Games Guide or a Review and maybe get others on the hype train with me. This list is not in order and just 10 games I think look like they could have an impact on me, I may not even buy every game on this list but there the 10 that look like I am most likely to check out.

Gales Of Nayeli

So this is one of two games on the list I've already purchased. I backed the kickstarter of the game a while back and I thought "it looks alright and when I asked if there was gonna be any sapphic content the creator told me in depth what content he had already made so sure I'll back it. What was more if a thank you for being so kind and responsive so fast has turned into my most hype game of the year. Blindcoco and me have become friends over time so I am biased but I was actually sold on the game before me and him became buddy buddy when I played the demo and saw the amazing work that went into it. Then the extremally positive response from him and the community towards my desire to focus in on women and sapphic women only added to my excitement for the game.

The game genuinely seems to be raising the bar for SRPGs and really feels like it is a step above Fire Emblem and not an emulation of Fire Emblem. I loved the demo and the concepts in the game so much it inspired me to start working on my own SRPG studios game knowing what is possible at the high end of investment in the system can really be something special and really cool. I love that there is a focus on trying to cast voice actors who match ethnicity to the diverse cast, I love that there is a wide range of diversity in the revealed cast, I love the amount of queer women I am aware of in the game, I love the animations and sprite work, I love the gameplay, I am really really excited about this game and I think this game has a high shot at being one of my favorite games.

Fields Of Mistria 

I make fun of farming sims a little on my lists and stuff but only because I actually love farming sims especially in concept. This game probably has my favorite art style of the whole lot of games today. It's lovely 90s anime style sprite work is just AHHHHHHHHHH so good. I do in fact want to kiss the women in this game very badly and I would enjoy playing the game for the sake of dating them alone.

Rune Factory: Dragon

Let's bang out the second farming sim while we're at it. We don't know a bunch about this game but it really just has to do two things for me to be into it. One, let you be gay like the newest RF and Story of Season games already let you do and Two, keep up the art direction and bam, I'm in. My biggest problem with the last Rune Factory game was that the art style made every woman look like a 12 year old and not in the like chibi story of seasons way like they just looked like they were kids. This however, has a much better set of art direction and it makes me think there might actually be women I'd want to gay marry.

Mahou Senshi Cosplay Club

I really love Behold's previous game Chroma Squad but when I got this demo I had no idea they were the Chroma Squad people. The mix of dress up and RPG gameplay is a dream come true kind of game and the outfit customization is leagues beyond a game like Fashion Dreamer despite likely being made on a much smaller budget. The PSX style graphics actually work here with them evoking nostalgic graphics while also not actually being restrained by a Playstation One's issues. I just really loved the process of making the outfit and character in this game and honestly that alone is a potential game seller. The gameplay element was solid and I really want to play more of this.

Beastieball 

BeastieBall seems to be a really fun take on the Monster Taming genre. Having the monster friends play a sport and naturally be inclined to play the sport makes for a very cute and wholesome premise to which you become more a coach than an owner to these little cuties. It's a pretty simple concept in the demo but it's promising and cute and I do like that the monsters you collect build relationships with each other, I think that is something really special and neat and something I'd like to see more monster tamers do.

Love In A Bottle

 There is a lot of nice looking visual novels coming out but Love In A Bottle is dating sim that is really capturing my eye. You play as a demon girl, bam okay I am sold. You date other monster girls okay I'm sold. And it's got more then the basic one outfit you expect from a standard visual novel dating sim type deal for characters that is yet another sold factor. It seems really cute, seems fun and I hope I can smooch all the women at once.

Fantasy Life I

While I said we were done with farming sims, I didn't say we were done with sims as we have Level-5's Life Sim, Fantasy Life. I won't be buying the game if I can't be gay in it but I really loved the first Fantasy Life on the 3DS and I think if it can keep up the charm and fun of the original game and add a homosexual seasoning on top it'll be a perfect cute and fun time. I love the wide array of jobs and how these all build into each other, it's a very one of a kind experience and really fun.

Princess Peach Showtime 

This is the true triple A game of the list and the only one that has captivated me in all the shows of all the consoles and developers I've seen of late. Peach is barbie now and I am here for it, let her have a million jobs and have a game based around her doing these different roles and being an icon in each of them, sounds good, I'm in, it's a really cute and fun concept. It looks really fun and the art style looks great.

Our Life Now and Forever 

There is no other games like the Our Life games and getting to be sapphic in this one means I finally get to go ahead and experience the series I have been curious about for a while now. This game will let you be polyamarous which is the only game on this list I can say for sure will allow you to do that and that alone is something that would keep me engaged. However, getting to grow up with characters, change your pronouns, your name, anything about yourself as you do and having the characters change with you is amazing. I love the concept of this game and the wild reactivity the games demo has always provided just to a simple thing like me choosing to be trans in the childhood phase is amazing, it is truly such a considered and thoughtful game with such masterful crafting that the act one demo alone is probably worth money. So I did back this one on kickstarter as well so this is my other pick up.

Unlike other games on this list I am fairly confident this is a 2025 game and not a 2024 game but I want to talk about it now because people on the Patreon will be getting to play updated versions of the game over the course of the year akin to early access. I think the game is for sure worth a look.

Izrand Allure

After playing the previous game in the series I am totally sold on wanting to experience Izrand Allure. Luxaren Allure was a really special experience I had this year finally checking out the game after I think years of putting it off and beating it I really want to play this follow up. This game seems far more in depth and far more artistically masterful then Luxaren as well so I really want to see everything this game has to offer. I love a good job system and this game boasts one. I really want to see this lesbian RPG and I hope I get a chance to play it very soon but obviously Unity the dev should take her time to make it. Regardless, I am just gushing every time I see the game and I think this has potential to be a massive game of the year type hit for me.

If you enjoyed this post, I got a lot more end of the year lists coming up when it's actually next year so I can tell people what I enjoyed in December. You can also support me in making cool queer art by checking out my Patreon and Ko-fi.

[cainluvr69]

Surely, We Can Make Miracles Chapter 22

Previous Chapter

Arthur: Shylock…!

Shylock: Very well done, Murr, Prince Arthur.

Arthur: I'm glad you're not hurt…! Now we just need to remove these restraints…

Murr: Wait!

Shylock: …ugh…!

Arthur: …! I'm so sorry!

Murr: Looks like the restraints are designed to damage their captive if anything is done to them. Balthazar is pretty infatuated with you, so I don't think it'll hurt you enough to kill you. Plus, we're low on time. Good thing you're great at putting up with this kind of stuff, right?

Shylock: Could you have a few more reservations about this, perhaps?

Arthur: I can't let your dear friend Murr do this to you. I'll do it.

Shylock: Prince Arthur…

Murr: Aww, you're such a good kid.

Arthur: I apologize in advance, Shylock. <Pernoctant…>

???: Stop…!

Arthur: …?!

Shylock: …It's you…

✦✧☾✧✦

Borda Island Youth: Everything's going great, Miss Natalie! There's a mob on the castle's doorstep, and it's too big to be ignored. There's no way they'll keep on letting the wizards have their market now. Thank goodness those weird incidents kept happening, with a dragon showing up, too. The seafood crackers we got that wizard from the Town of Foam to make did great work, too…

Natalie: You're being too loud. Just leave it at that. Kick up too much of a fuss, and the powers that be are going to start cracking down on things. We won't be able to buy the land we'd be able to otherwise.

Borda Island Youth: S-sorry.

Natalie: For crying out loud… We already have arrangements with several nobles to use that land for their island villas. But that meddling little lord just had to butt in… If the wizards' market is allowed to become permanent, all the land and residencies we've worked so hard to acquire will be rendered pointless. I want another order of this.

Borda Island Youth: Miss Natalie, aren't you eating a little too much?

Natalie: It's fine. It's not like I can drink right now.

Borda Island Youth: Not even a single glass? I know this little bar with a great view.

Natalie: Don't be stupid. No one will trust the flattery of a woman who smells of alcohol.

Borda Island Youth: I mean, I would. You're a real beauty, Miss Natalie.

Natalie: Fufu.

Borda Island Youth: If our plan works out, we're gonna get hitched and buy a house somewhere, right?

Natalie: Yeah, sure.

Borda Island Youth: Hehe! Then I'll work hard! Since I'm thinking about it, though, I wonder why that dragon showed up.

Natalie: No clue. If we could make sure it wouldn't actually come close to the island, it'd make for a good tourist attraction. Well, I'm stuffed. Time to get back to work.

Borda Island Youth: You sure are a hard worker.

Natalie: This is nothing more than me valuing the prep work. It's all so that when dawn breaks tomorrow, no one on the island will ever want to see another wizard's face ever again.

Borda Island Youth: Should I go with you?

Natalie: No, no need. You drank some alcohol, didn't you?

Borda Island Youth: Haha… You caught me.

Natalie: I'll be off, then.

✦✧☾✧✦

Borda Island Resident: What is it? What's going on?

Natalie: Oh, things are terrible. What can we do?

Borda Island Resident: Do you know what's going on, lady?

Natalie: There's a group of adults outside the castle, demanding the lord think of the island's children and put a stop to the wickedness of the wizards around here.

Borda Island Resident: That's pretty big… Did something happen?

Natalie: Wizards in the market distributed poisoned snacks and summoned a dragon to the outskirts of the island.

Borda Island Resident: A dragon?! Damn, I wish I could've seen that… Could you see it from here?

Natalie: Yes. It seems like they were planning on kidnapping children in the uproar.

Borda Island Resident: Holy shit!

Natalie: Right? And yet our wizard-loving lord isn't doing a thing about it…

Borda Island Resident: She's not doing anything but screwing us all over!

Natalie: Things just can't stay the way they are right now. Someone needs to do something. Maybe even someone as reliable as you…?

Borda Island Resident: Y…you're right! I'm gonna try to get the guys to hear me out about this one.

Natalie: Good luck. … Hehe…

Owen: Wow.

Natalie: …!

Owen: Looks like a pretty fun game.

Natalie: A game? Whose children are you talking about, playing this late?

Owen: I'm talking about you.

Natalie: …

Owen: I think it's fun, too. Let's talk. I'm sure we can get along.

Natalie: It's quite nice hearing that from someone as lovely as you…

Owen: I know, right.

Natalie: Do you want something from me?

Owen: Sure. What do you think it is? I could feel your intentions all over town. You know that everyone's just pretending to go along with you while laughing at you behind your back, right? So I'm here to watch you make a fool of yourself.

Natalie: … …What are you talking about?

Owen: I said, I'm talking about you. You're the one telling them the right way to jump into Hell. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Natalie: …If you want to talk with me, we should do it over drinks. Everyone's in such a tizzy this evening, the bars should be nice and empty. My boyfriend just broke up with me, so maybe you can help me feel a little less lonely…? (Heh… It should be easy enough to win over a young man like this…) (You just can't get enough of how vulnerable I look, can you?) (And his two-colored eyes are so beautiful, too…) (I think I met another young man with the same color eyes earlier this afternoon, didn't I…?) (I need to look up and make sure he's not the same man. I think I've got him wrapped around my finger enough by now…) …?!

Natalie?: …

Natalie: …Huh?! What?! You're…me?! There's another me…?!

Natalie?: Hey, don't you want to talk to me?

Natalie: What are you talking about…?! Who are you?!

Natalie?: If you don't want to talk to me, I guess I'll just have to find someone else to have fun with instead.

Natalie: …?! You're floating?! Are you a wizard…?!

Natalie?: Heeeey, listen! I was the one who was handing out the magic snacks in the market today. It was so much fun watching you all run around like idiots!

Borda Island Resident: What's going on?! There's a woman floating in the air…!

Borda Island Resident: Wait, I've seen that lady before. I thought she was human, but she was really a witch?

Borda Island Resident: Even if she is a witch, she's not one from our island! I've never seen her before!

Natalie: Wait…! Stop it…! I'm not going to be able to keep working like this!

Natalie?: Ahaha! Come on, panic more! I want to see more and more chaos!

Natalie: I said knock it off…!

Borda Island Youth: Miss Natalie, what's going on?!

Natalie: Tch…! We need to go! We can't do any more business here!

Borda Island Youth: Huh?!

Borda Island Resident: Hey now. Just what did you mean by that?!

Natalie: Shut up! Get out of my way…!

✦✧☾✧✦

Mitile: Look over there! There's a bunch of people!

Riquet: Ah…! The person in the middle of them all is the woman I talked to earlier!

Mitile: The one who was making everyone panic more, right?

Riquet: Yes! …But something seems a bit odd here… There seems to be…two of her…?

Mitile: Huh… The crowd of people looks like it's starting to break up…? The whole fuss looks like it's starting to calm down…

Riquet: You're right…

Mitile: Thank goodness! I'm glad no one will have to call the guards about it. If things aren't going to get any more worked up than this here in the market, then… That means the crowd at the castle gate won't get bigger, either.

Riquet: You're right… Let's go back and tell Nero and Dr. Figaro.

Mitile: Yeah!

Riquet: (Something really does feel different about her from earlier, though…)

Mithra: <Arthim>

Mitile & Riquet: Wah…!

Mithra: Oh, good. I can collect you both at the same time. Where's Rutile?

Mitile: He went down to the bottom of the sea to save Leno…

Mithra: The bottom of the sea?!

Mitile: Yeah, so that they could defeat the Northern wizard Balthazar…

Mithra: Defeat a Northern wizard?! I think I feel faint…

Riquet: Are you alright? I can rub your head for you.

Mithra: I need to bring him back… Oh, but first, I need to make sure Mitile is tucked away somewhere safe…

Mitile: Wa--wait a second! The Sage gave me a favor to ask you!

Mithra: A favor for the Sage…?

Mitile: Yes! After we finish baking torta di cocco, you need to bring it with you!

Mithra: I do…? Do I…need to bake it, too? Because let me tell you, no one's ever asked me to do that before. I mean, I'll do it, but.

Riquet: The first time you bake something, it might not rise properly. That happened to me when I tried.

Mithra: Huh? I can rise just fine.

Mitile: Ah, wait, sorry! No, you don't have to bake anything! You just need to wait for it to finish baking.

Mithra: What? But that's so easy. Anyway, let us return to the castle. <Arthim>

✦✧☾✧✦

Akira: Figaro…!

Figaro: Master Sage, Oz…!

Akira: We have the cintamani stone! You can save Snow and White with this, right?!

Figaro: Yes…! Thank you so much, Master Sage, Oz.

Oz: Will you succeed?

Figaro: Just who do you think you're asking? They'll be fine. I'll save them.

Oz: …

Akira: Oz?

Oz: … …I cannot feel White's presence…

Figaro: …Remember, that's Lord Snow's job. Just believe in him.

Oz: Yes. Figaro. Take some of my blood.

Figaro: …You sure?

Oz: Yes.

Figaro: Thanks, that's a real help.

Oz: I am trusting the twins will be safe in your care.

Figaro: And I'm trusting the Sage will be safe in yours. Master Sage, are you planning on meeting with the sea dragon?

Akira: …That's the plan, yeah.

Figaro: Alright. If that dragon finds out that I'm planning on saving the twins and comes here to do something about it, I'm going to kill it. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me for that. But… I did want to apologize in advance, Master Sage. I'm sorry I couldn't only do kind things for you.

Akira: … No… I'm sorry too, Figaro…I'm putting everyone through so much trouble…

Figaro: …Master Sage…

Oz: …

Figaro: …What's that face for? I'm not trying to make them cry or anything. I'm always doing my best to keep from hurting them, but things end up like this anyways.

Oz: I know you are. Do your best.

Figaro: "Do your best"?

Oz: We are leaving, Sage.

Akira: …Okay…

Oz: <Vox Nox>

Figaro: … Thank goodness, Lord Snow… I will be able to save you… I can make an antidote with the stone…

Mithra: <Arthim> Where's the torta di cocco?

Mitile: Dr. Figaro! We found Mithra!

Riquet: Things seem to be okay in town, too!

Figaro: Welcome back. You just missed the Sage, sadly.

Mithra & Mitile & Riquet: Huh?

Figaro: Look. They brought me the cintamani stone.

✦✧☾✧✦

Natalie?: I thought the people of this island would lose their cool and kick up a fuss, and what do you know? They did. You all look so stupid.

Borda Island Resident: Shut up!

Natalie?: You shut up.

Borda Island Resident: Excuse me?! …Damn, you're a cruel bitch! You think we'll let you mess with us?!

Natalie?: Hmph… …It's a good thing I gathered up the rest of those seafood crackers in the market and found their real source. What a pain. It would've been easier to just tear everything here down instead. It was pretty great forcing Bradley to eat a ton of them, though. Hehe… That was fun. … Cain's eye… …What's he doing right now? …I can sense other wizards, and… …And a sea dragon…? Tch… For crying out loud…

Borda Island Resident: Woah… The woman who was just standing here suddenly disappeared! Was she a wizard…?

✦✧☾✧✦

Nero: It's gonna be fine, Dianne. Y'just gotta show your face and talk to 'em, and the mob outside the castle gates will start settlin' down.

Castle Servant: Your Highness, ah, err, your Lordship, we will all protect you with our lives…

Dianne: I fear neither blade nor arrow!

Castle Servant: O-of course, my apologies.

Nero: Hey, simmer down a little. Can y'tell me what you are scared of?

Dianne: E… Everything…

Nero: Well, I feel ya there. Tellin' lies like that is a good way to support yourself, though. How about I say I'm actin' as your substitute, and…

Dianne: Absolutely not! As the lord of this castle, I must be the one who carries out my duties…

Nero: Then sorry, but I gotta make you go out 'n do 'em.

Dianne: …But I'm scared…

Nero: Man, there's no end to this.

Dianne: …sniff…

Nero: Ah, sorry… I went too far…

Dianne: …wahhhh…!

Castle Servant: Your Highness…! Your Highness…!!

Nero: See, it's gonna be fine, like I keep sayin'! You've got amazing charisma!

Castle Guard: Your Lordship, we have a problem! The castle gates are on the verge of breaking…!

Nero: What?! Didn't you guys tell us the crowd was gettin' smaller?

Castle Guard: W-well, all of a sudden, they've started acting like a well-trained army… It seems like someone capable of directing them has appeared. They seem to have outstanding leadership capabilities…

Nero: (Did a higher up from the merchants' guild show up?) Gotcha. I'll go check things out.

Dianne: Nero…

Nero: Don't worry. I'll be back in just a sec.

✦✧☾✧✦

Bradley: Hell yeah, brothers! Keep it up! You're all doin' great!

Borda Island Residents: Yeahhhh…!

Borda Island Resident: Mister Bradley! We've got more logs!

Bradley: Sick. Let's get 'em passed to the head of the crowd and break those gates down. Y'guys hear that?! We're gonna count down and all work together now! We're just gonna go one, two, three, got it? Let's go!

Borda Island Residents: Yeahhhh…!

Bradley: One, two, three…!

Borda Island Residents: Uwoooghhh…!

Bradley: Hell yeah! One more time! One, two, three…!

Borda Island Residents: Uwoooghhh…!

Bradley: Damn, you guys rock! One, two, three…!

Nero: …

Bradley: Yo, Nero! I was feelin' pissed off and wanderin' around the island when I heard people were attackin' the castle! Figured I'd give 'em a hand. By the time the sun rises, that castle's gonna be mine, baby! Hey, once it's mine, you should make me somethin' tasty to eat. How's that sound? Wanna help out?

Nero: Boss, can I have a sec?

Bradley: Huh?! Uh, yeah, sure…

Nero: Sorry, comin' through.

Borda Island Resident: Mister Bradley?!

Bradley: Keep goin'! We got a good thing going here!

Borda Island Residents: Yessir…!

✦✧☾✧✦

Nero: 'Kay, just need you to stand here…

Bradley: Like this?

Nero: I want you to do some work on this side, too.

Bradley: This side? You tellin' me I should be protectin' the castle instead?

Nero: Yep.

Bradley: C'mon, man. You really think I'm gonna help the establishment instead of tearin' it down?

Nero: Man, shut up. Things are already complicated enough as it is without you shovin' your face in them. The local lord's already plannin' on comin' out and givin' a public apology to everyone so we can wrap things up lickety-split.

Bradley: So why ain't she standin' here and doin' that, then? This is the best place for lookin' over the castle gate and below, ain't it? So where is she?

Nero: She's terrified, that's why. She's brand new to the whole role, so of course she is.

Bradley: Hell, of course a newbie's gonna get scared. Ain't she got anyone to kick her ass into gear?

Nero: Well…

Bradley: If there's no one, I can do it.

Nero: Hey…

Bradley: Just leave it to me, partner.

Nero: Hey, wait! Brad! You're gonna come on way too strong for her! Dammit, listen to me, Brad…!

✦✧☾✧✦

Nero: Uh, lemme introduce you… This is my…friend, Brad…ley…

Dianne: …

Bradley: Yo.

Dianne: Who is he…?

Nero: He's another of the Sage's wizards…

Bradley: I'm a Northern wizard and convict.

Dianne: …A convict…

Bradley: Thanks for the food this afternoon. Can't say it was any good, though. Sayin' that made Nero really throw a fit, though.

Dianne: Ah… I… Please let me apologize for that… I was the reason that happened. I was the one who threw the castle staff into chaos, and they were simply trying to move according to my whims.

Nero: Dianne…

Bradley: Heh. You've got a better look on your face than you did this afternoon. C'mon. Walk with me.

Dianne: Wh-where to…?

Nero: Hey, Brad…

Bradley: We're just gonna be throwin' some shit out.

Dianne: Such as? What are we throwing out? I-I… All I can do is keep asking you things. Do I seem stupid to you?

Bradley: Why would you? The ones who actually ask people about what they don't know are the smart ones. Brave, too.

Dianne: …

Bradley: We're gonna go toss that fear of yours in the trash. I'll teach you how.

Dianne: …O…okay…

Nero: Brad!

Bradley: Yo.

Nero: I'm countin' on you. Don't let me down.

Bradley: Yeah.

Nero: Hey, Dianne, if he tries to pull anything, just use some pepper…

Dianne: Pepper?

Bradley: Man, don't listen to him.

Nero: …Jeez… But, well… He's always been reliable at times like this.

Riquet: Nero! The torta di cocco is almost done!

Nero: Gotcha! Mithra's here too, right? I'll come to the kitchen right now.

Riquet: Where's Dianne?

Nero: She'll be okay. I had to go through a pretty similar rite of passage m'self.

Riquet: Huh?

Nero: Oh, uh… What about you, are you okay? Are you scared?

Riquet: No. I'm feeling just fine!

Nero: Good t' hear. Why's that?

Riquet: Because I have you and so many others watching over me.

Nero: …

Riquet: Let's go, Nero!

Nero: Yeah!

✦✧☾✧✦

Figaro: Now, to make the antidote… <Possideo> … Lord Snow… Lord White… … The antidote's been properly refined… I only need to collect as much as Lord Snow needs to drink… And then I'll save him. So please, just hold on until then, Lord Snow…

✦✧☾✧✦

Lennox?: …

Faust: What's wrong…? He stopped moving all of a sudden…

Lennox?: …!

Faust: …?!

Heathcliff: How is he doing…?! He looks just like the mermaids under Balthazar's control right now.

Shino: Heath! Focus on the circle!

Heathcliff: S-sorry!

Lennox?: …!

Faust: (What's going on?! His eyes are hollow, and he's attacking in a pattern.) (And he's not saying anything…) (Has Balthazar's control over Leno weakened?) …Leno…! Leno, it's me…!

Lennox?: …

Faust: (He stopped!) Le…

Lennox?: …!

Faust: …ghh…!

Heathcliff: …Mr. Faust…!

Shino: He stabbed Leno's key into Faust's shoulder…!

Faust: …gh, I'm fine…! Focus on the circle…

Heathcliff: Understood!

Faust: …gh… (Lennox…)

Lennox?: …

✦✧☾✧✦

Shylock: It's you…

Balthazar: …

Arthur: …A wizard that's only a head…?

Murr: No… Not just a head… His skull's wrapped up in crystal. He's connected to a huge piece of abyssal jade. It's pretty rare. I've never seen this much in one place. It can only do so much, but abyssal jade can give eternal life. It's amazing seeing it get used like this…

Balthazar: Don't touch me!

Murr: Hey, did you make this?

Balthazar: …Haha… You really think I'd make something in such poor taste as this? You think I'd tie myself to these rocks, forced to live in such a wretched state…

Murr: Hey, those "rocks" are precious gemstones! Abyssal jade is super valuable. Someone's lovingly keeping you alive. It's probably that dragon, huh?

Balthazar: …You're right.

Murr: He must like you a whoooole lot!

Shylock: Balthazar… …So you did turn to stone when you sank Adams Island. Or rather, you should have.

Arthur: You mean, that dragon saved him…?

Balthazar: …That's correct… I was kept alive without my knowledge after the island sank. According to Hwylryn, I slept for a very, very long time. But… I felt <the Great Calamity's> power, and my eyes opened again on a night illuminated by moonlight.

Shylock: …So you awoke because <the Great Calamity> drew close…

Balthazar: And yet, I was still only half awake… What finally woke me up was the sensation of Oz and another Northern wizard and the intense anger I felt from them. I swore an oath. I would acquire a body that would let me move freely, and I would have my revenge on Oz.

Arthur: So that's why you've been capturing people and beheading them…

Balthazar: Correct. But though I could join my head to their bodies with magic, it was never long before they…stopped working. But this latest one was so excellent…

Murr: Hey, Balthazar. This is just a suggestion, but. I can make a body for you. So can you let Shylock and Lennox go?

Balthazar: …You will make my body?

Murr: Sure. And then you can get up to all the vengeance you want.

Arthur: …

Balthazar: Can you really do such a thing? Shylock. Who is this person?

Shylock: …

Balthazar: Shylock.

Murr: I'm Murr!

Balthazar: …Murr… Murr…?!

Arthur: Wh-why are you getting angry?!

Murr: Shyyyylock! What did you tell him about me?!

Shylock: I spoke nothing but the truth.

Balthazar: I'll turn all of you to stone here and now! <Mare Praeda>!

Arthur: Murr, back me up! <Pernoctant Nixzo>!

Murr: <Eanul Lambru>!

Balthazar: … Get out of my sight, you worms!

Arthur: …That didn't work at all!

Murr: That's a Northern wizard for you.

Arthur: We need to hurry, or else Cain and the others will…

Balthazar: <Mare Praeda>!

Arthur & Murr: …!

Shylock: Watch out…!

Murr: …We're not going to be able to get close to Shylock like this!

Arthur: I'll draw his attention! You take care of Shylock!

Murr: Arthur?!

Arthur: Balthazar! I am Arthur Granvelle! Disciple of the Great Wizard Oz!

Balthazar: … Oz's disciple, you say…? Fascinating! I'll eat your stone and tell Oz how it tastes!

Arthur: Oh, but can you? Lord Oz's lightning is much faster than you are. Just try and catch me!

Balthazar: Hold still…!

Shylock & Murr: …

Murr: Let's hurry.

Shylock: Yes, let's. Should anything happen to Prince Arthur, Oz will turn us both to stone. Please pay no mind to my agony while you break these restraints.

Murr: Gotcha! Count down from three!

Shylock: Three…

Murr: <Eanul Lambru>!

Shylock: …gh!

Murr: Aaaand they're off! How was it? Did you pass out?

Shylock: …Why… Why didn't you wait until I'd finished counting down?

Murr: There's a theory that catching someone off guard with something icky causes less mental strain than letting them anticipate something.

Shylock: And who came up with this theory?

Murr: Me.

Shylock: Please record in your paper that I solemnly disagree. Let us be off.

Murr: Okay!

Next Chapter

[archersxartxblog]

Ok so recently I read the entirety of Warden Twins in the span of 4 hours (with a break in between cause it was 2:30 AM) and I just had a funny shower thought I'm gonna put here.

Basically, Arceus feels bad about the whole situation, so he gives Drayden and F!Emmet Arc Tablets or something that show the both of them Ingo, Lil' Ingo and Emmet and their misadventures. They essentially react to everything that happens in the fic as it happens.

Drayden is initially very sceptical of the whole situation, rightfully so. His nephews were kidnapped like 3 days ago (he basically got like a prologue vid showing what happened before showing him everything else), and then some stranger gives him an iPad that shows him his missing nephews being adopted by some guy who looks hauntingly similar to Lil' Ingo, with amnesia and who knows where. But he eventually warms up to F!Ingo cause hes actually not that bad at being a dad, is increasingly growing more protective over his now sons everyday (as he should be), and is looking out for them when he cant.

He invites Clay over cause his boys just became friends with Liam who ALSO looks hauntingly similar to Clay. And then the both of them bust out conspiracy boards when Akari reveals that all 4 of them are from the future. Lil Ingo and Emmet make sense, but Ingo??? If hes from the future as well, then is he some cousin they never heard about? What is this???

But they dont really care about that. Drayden swears that Ingo is now gonna be (officially) part of the family if- no WHEN they all return back to the future. Oh and so will Akari, she's a cool cousin to the boys.

This eventually just devolves into Drayden watching all of this like it's a soccer game or something : very passionately. Like "oh my dragons I'm gonna kill the Miss Fortune sisters for kidnapping my nephews", and then cheering like his team won the world cup or something when Gyarados shows up. Oh and Drayden will be so angry he might rip a tear in spacetime in order to kill Volo when all THAT happens with him and Lil' Ingo.

With F!Emmet its gonna be a bit more complicated, since he either remembers the past or not. But if he doesnt remember, then he will be panicking. His brother went missing like 5 years ago, and when he finally sees him he's with baby versions of them??? Why is Ingo a father to two kids who are named after them and look EXACTLY like him when he was also 10?!? 'AM I AN UNCLE??? DO I NEED TO BUY A BIGGER APARTMENT NOW?!??' Elesa is surprisingly taking this much better.

And then when Akari is revealed, F!Emmet is both verrrrrry happy to be an uncle and that his brother is not alone and happy, but at the same time mourning his bank account, cause hes gonna need to buy a bigger apartment if he is to house 3 new kids and like 24 new pokemon.

And then its revealed that both Ingos are one of the same. Emmet is internally having a blue screen of death moment, cause that means that Ingo literally raised him. Elesa is just treating thos like it's a certified Watchmojo top 10 anime plot twists.

But if he does remember, then he is basically just refreshing his childhood memories.

I wanted to add that maybe Emmets and Draydens tablets are connected to one another, but I've already typed WAYY too much. Can you tell that I love the Warden Twins AU?

Anyways enough from me, thank u for listening to my Ted talk. What are your thoughts about this? Really hope the fic gets updated soon and have a good whatever-your-timezone-is

Oh wow

Not gonna lie this was really fun to read. I love reading stuff like this. This is a really fun idea, i just imagine Arceus making like a YouTube channel like Gamingharry or Ladyoflore or something and just sending it to Drayden and future Emmet with a message that says "this explains everything"

I do need to get back to writing Warden’s Twins, I'm a little stuck with Lil Ingo's face off with Kamado, so I've taken a small step back for a bit to try and figure out how to go about it.

But I'm so glad you're enjoying Warden’s Twins :)

[emerald-cloud23]

Trying to figure out how much time passes in canon between seasons – according to the show itself (and then making rough guesses)

This is so long– also, doesn't include Dragons Rising

Pre-Pilots & Pilots: I don't remember them saying anything about that, though I imagine that it has been less than a year as they (Cole, Jay, Zane) obviously aren't as close as they'll become later in the show, maybe not even 6 months. I'll settle on 4 months for now

Pilots & Season 1: Once again, I don't remember them stating anything in particular so, once again, it's been less than a year. Maybe even just two or three months. The core four ninja have become closer but we can immediately see how distant they still are with that first mailman scene where it's apparently the first time ever the other three find out that Zane is practically an orphan as well as Cole hiding his true relationship with his father from them. Between the Pilots & S1 I imagine the ninja have encountered Lloyd before (according to their reactions they know him but the viewer doesn't), even telling Wu about him and he decided "No, I'm not gonna look after my brother's son"– sorry, going off-track. I'll go with like 3 months

Season 1 & Season 2: Looking at the end of S1 it has probably only been a few hours or like a day as everyone is fixing Ninjago City from the damage that the finale caused

Season 2 & Season 3: Canon mentions that it has only been a few months since the finale of S2. With Lloyd traveling around the island and accepting awards and stuff as well as Wu & the ninja taking over a school (most likely Darkley's), I'd say it's less than 6 months but I can't exactly decide on anything

Season 3 & Season 4: I don't think anything had been said in the show but with the statue from the finale becoming so dirty, the ninja no longer staying together and Jay apparently recording a 70+ episode tv show with a holiday special??? Another few months– only because I don't know how else Jay would've been able to make his own tv show and much less one with so many episodes and even a contestand that had previously participated. Oh, also it needs time for his fans to, well, start being his fans and viewers. I don't know how much time something like this would take but seeing as even Wu being unaware of why the other three aren't training with Lloyd I'd say they gradually left the team in the span of, probably, 4-6 months. If I didn't take Jay's show into consideration I'd say 1-2 months because that seems more logical with the 'skipping training'-bit

Season 4 & Season 5: Canon doesn't say anything. Buuut I feel like Morro wouldn't have waited much longer than necessary to start his search for the realm crystal. He'd find out what happened to Wu, find out about Lloyd & the others as well as that no one knows where the FSM's tomb is. He seems pretty smart so that would probably take barely any time at all, less than a week probably. However,, Wu has to buy a piece of land (most likely already with the buildings on it because construction can take monthssss), register his store, buy his shop's inventory and new uniforms (both the deepstone suits and the advertisement shirts & hats), also he needs to get the flyers designed, printed and delivered to him. This, unfortunately, takes time, and probably a lot more than just a few days. Despite hating the thought that Morro waited so long since escaping the cursed realm, I'll say that it's probably been a month

Season 5 & Season 6: There's a few things that I need to take into consideration as canon, once again, says nothing. The S5 finale takes place on new years so this is a good starting point. I only know new years as the last day of the year so that's where I'm going with this. S5 ends at the end of december. S6 needs to happen months later for a multitude of reasons: the people of Stiix being pissed at the ninja and rebuilding their city over water with Strangleweed (which S5 mentions not really anyone wanting to do), the ninja becoming famous for the destruction of the cursed realm, the ninja recording a tv show for kids and going on tv shows, being interviewed, getting fans & Nya training her elemental powers and Spinjitzu. So, if I view S5 at the end of the year then S6 feels like it takes place (or would take place if it hadn't been undone) in spring, so like march or april

Season 6 & Day Of The Departed: I remember that DOTD canonically is on like october 30th or 31st (I can't remember this for the life of me) so there's a good time period for the ninja to get their fame under control. Otherwise I don't have much to say

Day Of The Departed & Season 7: I believe canon said it's been a week since Cole became human again, so there you have it. That'd be early november

Season 7 & Season 8: Canon says it's been exactly a year since Wu disappeared in the time stream. There you go, a crystal clear answer to how much time passed since the previous season's finale. Thank you canon

Season 8 & Season 9: It is said that Garmadon ruled over Ninjago City for a week now, that means for 7 days Lloyd, Nya, Pixal, Dareth and Misako thought that Wu and the core four were dead (god, I always forget just how depressing this was for them)

Season 9 & Season 10: And we're back to nothing being said in canon, great. Well, there's the monastery that needs to be rebuild (as well as all of Ninjago City) and the murals being designed and needing to be painted, also there's some shorts on Lego's YouTube channel that still have the murals being painted, so they happen before S10. But all this takes time. But because I don't want Garmadon's warning about the Oni to appear so weak, I'd say a minimum of 6 months needed to pass. Most likely a lot more but, again, I want to keep his warning as something rather fresh and recent to Lloyd so he'd remember it when visiting his father in Kryptarium

Season 10 & Season 11: Canon (or rather Wu) says that it's been some months since their last big victory. In order for Cole going from super ripped in S2 to giving me almost an entire breakdown over being the exact opposite (no, genuinely. My first time seeing him without his super muscular body made me so, so frustrated and I don't even know how to put it into words but mAN–)… Uh, another 6 months? They all became incredibly lazy to the point where Wu eventually had enough, so half a year is the maximum time period I'd give them. Also, as we saw (and as they said) they haven't been in tune with each other as a team when fighting/fleeing. So, if you've spent years with people doing nothing but that I can't imagine you'd become so uncoordinated in a short period of time (but that's just me, a loner)

Aaand now we're entering the time period where it is difficult to make guesses–

Season 11 & Season 12: I would've assumed it's been a few days but because of S13's comment on it having been weeks since the ninja were at the monastery... I'd still like to say S12 happens just days after S11–

Season 12 & Season 13: I just mentioned the comment, sOO– Maybe Prime Empire took weeks in the actual world. I don't know. I can't make sense of this sentence. Like, ily Lloyd, but man. You're not making the time periods of this show easy. Especially because Wu and Pixal were both still at the monastery in S11 and S12 and I can't imagine the two not having taken care of it in that time when the others were gone. I just can't. So, somehow between the start of S11 and the start of S13 it has been weeks in which no one took care of the monastery. Even if they had been on an unmentioned vacation between S12 and S13, I feel like they would've taken care of the trash around the monastery. Though, something like this would explain the amount of leaves in the courtyard and Lloyd trying to urge Cole to stop relaxing on his free day to help with laundry and stuff (their gaming session is adorable btw, they need to interact more in canon pls)

Season 13 & Season 14 (The Island): I don't think anything is mentioned about S13, though they say that last month a bunch of criminals broke out of Kryptarium. So, unless that happened while the ninja were in Shintaro, it's been at least a month. Also, Misako, Wu and Clutch Powers went missing on an expedition they went on. When Cecil from the Explorers Club comes to visit them he mentions that when a member is 'presumed dead or lost at sea' they remove their belongings from the club. Soo, for them to be presumed lost at sea I'd say it would take like 1 week but "just to be safe" the club waits a total of 2 weeks after members set out on expeditions before deciding that it's been too long without hearing from them so they must be dead. But, seeing as Wu was also in Shintaro and he went on this expedition the ninja must've been back a few days before they went on this expedition, which I just assumed they started 2 weeks ago, so it's been maybe like 2.5 weeks to a month between these seasons

Season 14 (The Island) & Season 15 (Seabound): Canon doesn't say anything but I see S14 as setup for S15 so it would probably be like a few days between them

Season 15 (Seabound) & Season 16 (Crystalized): Canon says it's been a year since Nya's sacrifice. Another crystal clear (no pun intended) answer by the show

oKAY, GREAT. THAT'S ALL. If anyone wants to chime in for my rough time period estimations and calculate this whole thing, feel free because I'm not doing it! Like Cole says in Crystalized: "I'm not much of a math guy".

[roserysttrpggarden]

A review of the 2025 Forgotten realm UA Subclasses

Hi there~! It's been a while, sorry about that, i'm. Never the less, I wanted to give a quick review of the latest subclasses coming to 5e, curtosy of the new Forgotten Realms Subclass UA that was released just today. In this write-up, I plan on giving my thoughts on each of the subclasses, what I like, dislike, all of that jazz. With that out of the way, let's start with the first of the new subclasses.

College of The Moon Bard

The first new subclass in this document is the College of The Moon Bard, which can best be described as what would happen if a druid and bard had a baby, you sing of primal tales and use them to bolster your allies, thematically it's nothing groundbreaking, but it's fine enough.

Both 3rd-level features are already, getting druidic (The useless little shit) a druid cantrip and a skill proficiency is neat, Moonshae tales is decent, I like both Tale of life and Tale of gloam, not so much with tale of mirth cause I swear at least 3 bard subclasses have a "Subtract a roll equal to your bardic inspiration die" feature now. I don't know why it takes a whole action to activate since the creation bard got a similarish feature at the same level just by using bardic inspiration without needing to use an action first, but the feature overall is okay. Blessing of the Moonwells seems decent enough, being able to grant 2d4 temp hit points when someone fails its save against moonbeam is a good enough upgrade (At least the Moon bard gets moonbeam, unlike a certain sorcerer subclass). And Bolstered folktales is alright, it acts similar to the swords bard capstone letting you roll a d6 for tale of life and gloam rather than spending a inspiration die, and it lets you teleport up to 30 feet with tale of mirth, decent effects all around, not a bad final feature.

Overall thoughts on the subclass. It's meh

Knowledge Domain Cleric

Our next subclass isn't new in the context of 5e, but rather a revised version of the knowledge domain subclass from the 2014 PHB (Though this version is basically a new subclass). I hate that people are gonna have to buy the subclass all over again, but there's not much I can do bout that. Let's get onto reviewing the subclass.

For starters, the subclass gets way more domain spells than any other getting a total of 15 spells (Essentially 3 per level), granted, a lot of the spells gained are more out-of combat utility spells but still, I guess it fits the knowledge aspect but damn. As if that weren't enough, their mind magic feature allows them to expend a use of channel divinity to cast one of their domain spells without components, which means you can get free castings of command, dispel magic, arcane eye, banishment, confusion, and synaptic static, which is really good. To round off 3rd-level you also gain proficiency in one artisan tool and expertise in your choice of Arcana, History, Nature, or Religion, those checks might not come up super often but I am not gonna complain about getting two skills to expertise on a cleric. Moving on from the roller coaster of 3rd-level features, unfettered mind is a pretty good, telepathically communicating to a Wisdom mod number of creatures is nice, and being able to use your Wisdom score as the result of an Intelligence check is pretty situational but still appreciated. Divine foreknowledge is also really good, advantage on all d20 tests for 1 hour as a bonus action, that can also be used again by expending a level 6+ spell slot is nice, thematically the abilities kind of weak and miss some of the cool thematic elements of the previous version, but I will concede that the new version is way stronger combat wise.

Overall thoughts, yeah this subclass got a glow-up compared to its 2014 counterpart, and it largely keeps a lot of the thematic elements present on the old version. It might border on being a bit too strong? But for what it is, it's a good revision, Next subclass.

Purple Dragon Knight Fighter

Similar to our previous subclass, the purple dragon knight isn't new in the context of 5e, this one originating from the ever-infamous Sword Coast Adventurers Guide (Scag for short). The subclass was intented to turn your fighter into a commander type, rallying your allies as they fought alongside you. But the subclass was hampered because all of its features relied on your existing fighter features. Like the Knowledge domain before, this subclass is basically something entirely new, it's now the fighter version of Drakewarden for lack of better words, you get a dragon companion that fights alongside you and you can later mount, it's interesting enough, hopefully it'll be better than the original (Spoilers, it is).

Knightly envoy is fine, a free language and ritual spell is neat, the purple dragon companion itself is pretty decent, interestingly enough it acts during your turn, rather than after like the beast masters pet or the summon spells (which makes it work better as a mount) the dragon also has a gravity breath weapon that can push people, which is not bad Dragon rider is nice cause it not only lets you actually ride your dragon companion, but also improves its breath attack, and causes it to regain hit points and a use of gravity whenever you use second wind. Rallying surge is really cool, allowing three allies to either move without provoking opportunity attacks or make an attack as part of action surge is phenomenal, amethyst pinnacle is largely decent, but I wish the tandem attacks were part of the base feature or came at much earlier levels, cause forgoing your own attacks to have your dragon attack is so cool! I just wish it didn't come online near the end of your characters career. Unfortunately this subclass ends out not with a bang, but with a wet fart, while you and your dragon gaining resistance to force and psychic damage is cool, it sucks that the capstone is so, nothing.

Final thoughts on the subclass, it's definitely a marked improvement over the original. But I kind of miss the battlefield commander idea it had going on, which is only present in two of the subclass features. Besides that nitpick I think this version of PDK is good, a dragon rider fighter is always cool. Funnily enough this subclass arguably does a better job at being a dragon rider than than the drakewarden did, but maybe that's discussion to have later. Next subclass.

Oath of The Noble Genies Paladin

We now take a break from the revised subclasses and move on to an entirely new one for the paladin, this subclass is based around revering the elemental planes and wielding the power of the D&D genies. The thematic is rather unique, but it does feel funny to have a genie paladin in 2024 before reprinting the genie warlock. But enough dilly-dallying, lets get to reviewing it.

The oath spells all around are pretty good, with the obvious highlight of you getting the ever broken Conjure Minor Elementals, it's also neat you get the Elementalism cantrip as a bonus. Elemental smite is rather expensive, requiring both a use of divine smite and a channel divinity, but the effects are pretty good (Especially Marids Surge). Aura of Elemental protection is really good, resistance for yourself and all allies within your Aura of Protection is already nice, but being able to swap the resistance at the start of each turn is what really sells me on this feature. Elemental Rebuke is strong but boring, halving damage taken and possibly dealing 4d10 + charisma modifier to an attacker is good, it's unironically better than some of ranger capstones that do a similar effect. The capstone is really fucking good-potentially bordering on overpowered, being able to use your reaction to turn any failed d20 test into a success is massive, even more-so cause you can keep doing this for up to 10 minutes, and like the other 2024 paladin capstones, you can use this ability again if you spend a 5th-level slot, I don't think I can underestimate how strong this feature is.

Final thoughts for the genie paladin. This subclass is really good, the genie theming is really interesting and its features are consistently strong, the biggest gripe I have with the subclass might be noble scion just due to how strong it is, but otherwise, I love it. Next subclass.

Winter Walker Ranger

Moving from one half caster to another, we arrive at the Winter Walker ranger, which is a subclass about braving frigid tundras and taking on those that'd dwell within such regions. I love what this subclass is doing right off the bat, more elemental subclasses are always nice, and a tundra explorer ranger is a sick as hell idea, now how does it translate?

The spell list is alright, a lot of ice spells for obvious reasons, Pass without Trace is really good, I don't really get why is has Remove Curse besides curses being mentioned once at the very end of the subclass description, but I guess I'm not complaining, Frigid Follower is also nice, resistance to a fairly common damage type, on top of additional cold damage on weapon attacks (which ignores resistance) is always welcome. Hunters Rime hurts me, gives me psychic damage as one might say, the effects are nice, 1d10 + ranger level temp hit points is nice and an enemy being unable to disengage is nice, but it's tied to the infamous hunter mark spell, I might go more in depth about it later down the line but for a TLDR. Hunters mark requiring concentration in my opinion leads to either the ranger always using hunters mark, but missing out on the more powerful high-level ranger spells, or the ranger not using hunters mark, but then missing out on class features (Including you 20th-level capstone). Moving on from that, fortifying soul is kind of neat, being able to help your allies regain hit points between rests + granting them advantage against being frightened is cool, Chilling Retribution sounds nice, but (this might have changed with the new monster manual) at 11th-level more and more things are getting immunity to the frightened condition, so while the fail effect is strong, you might not get it off that often. Frozen Haunt pains me, being able to move through walls, gain immunity to cold damage and deal 2d4 cold damage at the start of each turns is good, and the flavor idea of turning into this ghost of winter but man, why is it tied to hunters mark??? Even flavor wise, how does you casting hunters mark transform you into a ghost.

Final thoughts on the subclass, As a whole, I love what the subclass wants to do. I love the theme, a lot of what it wants to present is cool, and hell, I think this subclass handles hunters mark usage better than the Beast master or hunter did, but it just sucks that two of the abilities rely on the use of that spell since you never have a way to cast it without concentration, I think if the capstone wasn't tied to hunters mark i'd be fine but man, it just sucks. With that rather bitter end to the subclass, maybe the next one can boost our spirits, which is.

Scion of The Three Rogue

The next subclass is the "Scion of The Three Rogue" which-as the name suggests, is for rogues that pledge alligence itself to the Dead Three: Bane, the god of tyranny. Bhaal, the god of murder and violence. And Myrkul, a god of death. As if the rogue couldn't get any edgier, but will this edge translate into dead enemies?

Bloodthirst is situational, but rather thematic, dealing additional damage to bloodied creatures is neat, good fight closer, the second part of the ability is also cool-being able to teleport and make a melee attack when someone dies, but I almost wish it was unlimited use, realistically, how often are you gonna get the effect to occur? The ability also becomes useless if you're fighting a solo boss, it's not even a bad effect, I just don't imagine it coming up enough to warrant a limited number of uses per day. You also align yourself with one of the dead three, which get you a cantrip + a damage resistance, it's nothing too big, but still neat to have. Strike Fear kind of sucks for it's level. All it does is give you a new cunning strike option to spend one die to attempt to frighten someone, at base I don't mind this but the fact that- due to the rouge subclass structure, it means you have to wait 6 levels to this feature, and that sucks. if it had another option in addition to the frighten it'd be nice but as it stand, yeah this isn't great. Thankfully Aura of Malevolence is better, dealing int modifier damage to creatures within 10 feet of you at the start of each turn is pretty good all things considered, it also ignores resistance too, so being aligned to Bhaal won't cripple your character (The aura deals poison damage if you're aligned with him, since the damage type is the same one you gain resistance too from Dread Allegiance). Dread Incarnate is a mixed bag all things considered, the advantage on attacks against frighted creatures probably won't come up that much at 17th-level, but treating any 1's or 2's as 3's when you roll damage for sneak attack is really nice, it basically means that, at minimum, your sneak attack will deal 27 damage (assuming you roll really low) at the level you gain this ability, and combine it with the Bloodthirst damage boost means you'll be really good at ending fights quickly, decent stuff all around.

Overall thoughts on the subclass. This is weakest subclass in this document (in my eyes). There's some good abilities here, but most of what this subclass offers feels rather niche. Also, while I haven't brought it up until now since all of these subclasses are very explicitly meant to be tied to the forgotten realms setting, I feel like this subclass is gonna be the toughest to translate to other campaign settings cause the subclass doesn't really have a strong theme beyond being tied to the dead 3, the only other theme I can think of is "Agent of evil god or "Make things deader" which, is already done by the Assassin and Phantom. While the scion of the dead three might have been dead on arrival, maybe the next subclass will do better.

Spellfire Sorcery Sorcerer

The next subclass is the Spellfire sorcery sorcerer (Try saying that three times fast) It's basically a more magicy sorcerer, with you gaining your powers directly from the weave (The forgotten realms source of magic) and using it to blow shit up and heal people. Thematically it sort of reminds me of the old phoenix sorcery subclass from the Unearthed Arcana, but how does it fair?

The spells provided are decent, it's an nice mix of blasting and restorative spells, Cure wounds, Lesser and Greater Restoration, Dispel Magic and Aura of Vitality are nice, the only real stinker on the spell list is Flame Strike, but I guess it fits? (For the record no, you don't get Fireball with this spell list), Spellfire burst is nothing too special, but still neat, an extra 1d6 damage or some temp hit points whenever you spend sorcery points is always welcome. Absorb Spells is really cool, having counterspell auto prepared and being able to regain sorcery points when someone fails its save against counterspell is cool, though I wonder why they didn't make it work with dispel magic since it's also on the spell list? Honed Spellfire is a decent enough increase to Spellfire burst, and lastly, Crown of Spellfire is a pretty good transformation capstone, getting evasion to magical effects is always nice and hey! Wotc finally remembered hit dice were a thing! Overall, not a bad capstone.

Final thoughts on the subclass. I like it, the mix of blasting and healing is interesting, I like how the subclass interacts with sorcery points, I love the thematic of absorb spell, and features overall are pretty decent. Not much more to say about it, it's just a really good subclass. Now we shall move onto our final subclass of today, which is.

Bladesinger Wizard

And the last of the subclasses within this document is a reprint of the Bladesinger wizard from Scag-and later reprinted within Tashas cauldron of everything, for those unaware, the Bladesinger is the Gish subclass of wizard (meaning a spell and sword type of character).

Compared to its Tashas counterpart (And the other revised subclasses in this document) nothing big changed about the Bladesinger, you lost the ability to use light armor, but can now use Intelligence when making attacks with melee weapons, and you can use them as a spellcasting focus. And Song of victory was changed to function like the 2014 Eldritch Knight version of war magic (You can make a weapon attack as a bonus action if you used an action to cast a spell) If my thoughts are correct and you could attack action, make an attack with your weapon -> cast a cantrip- > make a weapon attack as a bonus action then I'd gladly call this a buff, but if that isn't the case then this feature is okay.

Final Thoughts on the subclass, it's still the same old Bladesinger basically, some things got changed, I dunno if not being able to use light armor is that big of a deal due to Bladesongs existing boost to AC + spells like shield being a thing, the buffs are nice but I doubt they'll make anyone go "Omg the Bladesinger is OP now!" I'm scared to see how the new Bladesinger preforms with 2024 conjure minor elementals.

Final Thoughts

To close out this write up, I like most of the subclasses offered here. Granted, none of them make me want to jump out of my seat and beg my DM to let me try them, but they're all baseline decent, I generally like these subclasses more than the ones added with the 2024 PHB. Is there room for improvement? Absolutely! But for a rought 1st-draft of these subclasses, the team did an alright job with them. But what are your thoughts on these new subclasses? Let me know in the

With that, that's all I have to say in this post.Take care, and go make some D&D content.

[neixins]

mid-year reading wrap-up

most of what i’ve read so far this year’s been…aggressively fine, which is just not that fun or interesting to talk about tbh. however, there have been some delightfully high highs and atrociously low lows that i do wanna talk about!

but first, some stats for any mathematically-minded curious imps in the audience

average rating: 3.15 (i know i'm stingy with my ratings but yikes!)

number of books read: 27 -> 11 novellas, 10 novels, 5 short stories, and 1 nonfiction

i’ve also picked up 26 different manga series and oneshots. some i’ve read start to finish, some i’ve only read a few volumes of (and i plan to continue most).

highlights

mammoths at the gates by nghi vo: it’s no secret that i adore the singing hills cycle and this installment was a poignant tale of grief and memory and change, and it was just as brilliant as the rest of the series.

from far away, vol. 1-14 by hikawa kyoko: a wonderful, gentle story about the power of love, compassion, and community, featuring well-written protagonists who are full of love for each other and the world around them.

on the fox roads by nghi vo: this novelette is free to read on reactor mag (aka tor) so i’m not gonna say anything else except that nghi vo never, ever misses. go read it now!!

seven little sons of the dragon by kui ryoko: i don’t need to tell any of u how talented of a writer and artist kui is but this collection was truly one hit after another

two rogues make a right by cat sebastian: i’ve read only two cat sebastian books so far but she’s quickly become my go-to romance author. she just Delivers romances that will make u giggle and kick your feet! this one is about a guy who whisks his best friend away to the countryside after his chronic illness gets worse and they slowly realize that they’re in love <3

a little light mischief by cat sebastian: an absolutely delightful little novella about a lady’s companion who’s been disowned by her family and the pretty ex-thief maid who’s being very distracting!!

i decided not to include any manga series i’m still reading on the list but frequent visitors to neixins dot tumblr dot edu know how much i adore yona of the dawn, even when it’s trying its hardest to murder me. but u’ve probably heard me ramble about it enough already (and if u haven’t: my tag). and since i’m doing honorable mentions, i’d be remiss not to mention dungeon meshi (read vol 1-5 so far) and natsume’s book of friends (read vol 2).

and another honorable mention goes to the empress of salt and fortune by nghi vo which i’ve reread multiple times in the past few years and it never fails to dazzle me. this time around i listened to the audiobook (narrated by cindy kay, one of my favorite narrators).

boo tomato tomato

nothing but blackened teeth by cassandra khaw: this was more of a disappointment than a book i hated so i feel bad lumping it in with the rest of these but i did buy a physical copy at full price so it gets a mention. this novella’s biggest flaw was that it kept saying that the characters were part of a toxic codependent friend group but they just felt like strangers who didn’t like each other, which made it seem like they were staying in the creepy haunted house just because the plot needed them to, rather than for the reasons they claimed. khaw’s prose is quite unique though so i’m excited to check out the salt grows heavy despite not liking this one.

the woods all black by lee mandelo: i wanted to love this so badly because the themes were so up my alley and i love slowburn horror with an explosive final act. but unfortunately, it was so so bad

love on the other side by nagabe: literally half of this collection included relationships between adults and children (which definitely weren’t platonic/familial like the blurb led me to believe….) and the vileness of those stories was enough to drown out anything good in the rest of the collection. i actually also read two other nagabe works (before this one; if i’d read this first i wouldn’t have bothered). monotone blue would’ve been fine if there hadn’t been an assault scene that got brushed off way too quickly…and the wize wize beasts of the wizarding wizdoms was a mixed bag; some of the stories were just as terrible as love on the other side but “marley & collette” was very sweet, not gonna lie…..

i’ve also had many, many dnf’s which i don’t log, but i simply must give a shoutout (derogatory) to romancing the duke by tessa dare which i had high hopes for and which instead made me read this godawful sequence of words with my own two gay eyes (during pride month no less!): "He was just so near. And so tall. And so commanding. So male. Everything female in her was rallying to the challenge." thanks i hate it……

in conclusion, my hopes for the second half of the year can be boiled down to: save me nghi vo and cat sebastian save meee

[burgersnacksformax]

Koito/reader platonic modern au hcs

(can also be read as romantic if you want :])

Gender neutral reader, Koito's like your best friend here

And this is kind of long. Again

He keeps pulling you out of your comfort zone, whether it's by bringing you to a place you've never been or taking you sightseeing far from home. You always hate him for it at first until you actually start to enjoy the thing he's introducing you to. And by the end he's always so proud of himself for helping you find something new that you like.

One time you went to a clothing store just to buy a new pair of pants or something, meanwhile Koito was off finding outfits for him and yourself. He absolutely insisted to try on the outfits with you and yes you model and take photos in the fitting rooms.

He takes the best selfies and photos like dude its insane. Either he's secretly really good at photography (wouldn't be super surprising) or he just has the best phone camera (also wouldn't be surprising).

His room is always tidy always how the fuck does he do it. And if he sees your room is messy, whether its when he comes over to visit or if he's just being nosy during a video call, he becomes the mom friend and motivates you to tidy up at least a little.

He's sweet in that he invites you out to eat at fancy places but he fucking. He just calls it lunch. Like "oh im gonna go get lunch with them :)". As if he's not shelling out ridiculous sums of money just to eat there.

Dw abt going broke though he'll sponsor you.

Honestly you're a little worried that he'll get his generosity taken advantage of. If you're ever out shopping with him and you refuse to buy something that you want because you've already exceeded your budget, he'll offer to buy it for you and won't ask for anything in return. Something something "your company is a gift enough already".

He likes to invite you over to his house to watch movies or binge shows. He prefers it to the cinemas cause he can't make commentary in public without disturbing people - and he makes so much commentary dude. Sometimes you have to pause what you're watching so he can give his input, and sometimes you end up having a full on discussion about some really trivial aspect of it.

He loves and hates watching cheesy horror films. Love because he finds them so fun to take the piss out of (ignore the fact that he screams at the top of his lungs at jumpscares - not even screams of terror, he makes full-on war cries), and hate because of how dumb the characters can be sometimes.

And when there are two characters who get along really well in the show/ movie, he'll point and go "that's us". Or if the characters are bickering over something trivial he will also say that.

Definitely wears some kind of perfume or cologne. You really can't place your finger on the smell but it is somewhat flowery. When you go back home after spending time at his house you smell like it.

Can and will whoop your ass in smash bros. And he'll do it with the prettiest characters on the roster. And also Ridley because who wouldn't want to be a space dragon for a little while?

You made the mistake of having a sleepover with him and you ended up being part of his 20 step skincare routine (it was actually relaxing, but you're hesitant to admit because you complained about it at first, and Koito would definitely say "I told you so")

It's hard to buy him gifts cause if this man wanted something he'd just buy it. So you write him cards and appreciative messages and he loves it so much. You wouldn't be surprised if his love language is words of affirmation honestly.

If you ever have to call him for company in the middle of the night for whatever reason, he'll be a little cranky. And you'll be worried that you're bothering him but he'll be like "shut up I'm not gonna hang up till I know you're fine"

If youre ever sick he busts the damn door down to make you food and stuff. But he's a little noisy which doesnt help but he's just aggressively supportive so you can't be mad.

Sometimes you and him send each other random screenshots or pictures you have saved that reminded you of each other. He always has the gall to caption each thing he sends with some kind of lighthearted insult or something.

Wine aunt energy, need i say more ?

Absolutely adores internet slang and uses it in verbal conversation, hes so fucking annoying in that he says lol and lmao out loud while he laughs. Like. JUST LAUGH.

Sends you links to youtube videos with timestamps of his favourite moments.

Tends to show up at your house uninvited, he'll just text you that hes otw. But even then the only reason he gives you a text in advance is bcs of the time he came over and you were in the shower. He made a mental note to always give you a heads up because he did not appreciate having to wait outside your front door for however long you took to shower while he frantically spam called your phone which you oh so conveniently didn't bring with you.

He has the cutest mom apron in his kitchen.

He helps you with self care but in the jackass way where if he knows you skipped brushing your teeth, hes gonna bother you until you do it. If you skipped a meal for no good reason hes gonna be on your ass for that too.

He's a little clingy in that if you skip replying to him for just a day without saying why, he's gonna be concerned, so just let him know that youre doing alright.

When he vents to you, it's a whole long winded spiel. Usually he can figure his feelings out by himself but he just needs an ear. And you'll be there listening for so damn long as he rambles and doesnt give you a chance to interject unless you raise your hand or something.

Also his room is so cozy, so so cozy. Complete with a beanbag and soft cushions and his own TV.

Has offered to do your makeup before. And if you dont wear makeup, he will still offer. And if you know how to do makeup then he'll give his advice here and there and ask for you to try your usual look on him.

Whenever he drives he doesnt listen to the gps. He thinks he knows what hes doing and usually he does, but sometimes the gps goes "in 200 meters, turn left" and he'll be like "no i know a shortcut." And then the gps will recalculate the route and the journey will take an extra 15 minutes.

[dragongodryss]

Fairy Tail Tumblr

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 (Sting) Follow

Its Pride month, you know what that means!

🗿DeathMetalBruh (Gajeel) Follow

No?

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

Do we slay gay dragons?

🌅SkyWatcher777 (Wendy) Follow

Please don't kill me

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

@DeathMetalBruh I prefer to slay dragons gayly. Your thing is stupid

Btw, are you a dragonslayer? So am I do we know each other irl?

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69 Sting are you braindead?

🔥NinNinIconic (Natsu) Follow

So, you guys know how the earth is flat, right? Like, is the sun also flat? Do we even know? It'll burn your eyes if you look at it for too long, so there's no way to know

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

This had better be a shitpost

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

why would it be a shitpost

🌅SkyWatcher777 Follow

I thought the earth was round?

🐸Catlover (Rogue) Follow

Fun Fact: It's actually vaguely squished! But round is pretty close

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

@Catlover Nerd.

🐸Catlover Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69 I'm in your walls darling

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

Flattered but I have a boyfriend

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

@DeathMetalBruh Answer the question coward

🐸Catlover Follow

@NinNinIconic Because the earth is roundish Hope this helps

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

I need to kick someone's ass.

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

Update: I kicked her ass.

🌅SkyWatcher777 Follow

Romance side of Tumblr, I need help. I have a date in 30 minutes what do I do?

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

Assert dominance. Eat more than them. Drink more than them. Talk more than them. Dress up better. Hold doors open. Push their chair in. Ask more questions than them. Carry them if they let you. If someone else tries to talk to them, put them in their place. Take them home after (Good way of figuring out where they live)

🐸Catlover Follow

Don't do this.

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

Idk @Bumblr-Bee69 's advice sounds solid. I notice @Catlover failed to suggest an alternative. I know who I'm gonna trust.

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

This is how misinformation spreads. I hate tis goddam hellsite.

🐸Catlover Follow

@NinNinIconic @SkyWatcher777 If you're going out on a date with them, they're already interested. Do whatever it is you're doing and talk to them. Try actually listening too. Might help.

Other things that may help: Taking a shower first @Bumblr-Bee69 do it now. Clean clothes too

Not picking a fight with the waitstaff (always applicable when out)

Being a decent human being

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

@Catlover yo wft

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

@Catlover What If i did all those things while asserting dominance?

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

Yeah, that would work

🌅SkyWatcher777 Follow

Asserting dominance didn't work. My date's friend just called me and told me she doesn't want to see me if this is how I'm going to act.

🌅SkyWatcher777 Follow

Romance side of Tumblr, how do I get my friend to talk to me? I acted like a jerk during our date and she'd mad and I miss her.

🐸Catlover Follow

The one where you took the romance side of tumblr's advice?

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

No need to roast them, chill

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

Buy her chocolate, Show her the thread, and Apologize. Works for me.

🐸Catlover Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69 Not for long if you keep giving bad love advice like it's gospel.

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

Well, I have a boyfriend, and he's a total catch, so I'd say I'm doing something right.

🗿DeathMetalBruh Follow

I'll show him your shitty dating advice and this post and we'll see if you stll have a boyfriend.

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

Fuck you! he wouldn't be with me if my advice wasn't solid. @SkyWatcher777 probably fucked it up somehow

🐸Catlover Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69 Go do your dishes instead of trolling.

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

What kind of comeback is that, nerd? I bet there aren't even any dishes, my boyfriend probably did them already.

🌅SkyWatcher777 Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69's advice worked this time.

🔥NinNinIconic Follow

@Bumblr-Bee69 It's been 20 minutes, were there any dishes?

🐝Bumblr-Bee69 Follow

yea

Learned how to do this from this post

[possumkingluca]

dnd story time so.. the party I'm in was camping out on this island to avoid a giant fucking sea serpent swimming around while we figure out what we're gonna do about it, and while on final watch our druid saw a sahuagin peeking around the corner at us.. so they woke us up because gross fish person alert and also what the fuck are they supposed to about it. They might speak every language in the phb but the very specific ones??? They don't speak fish person. Also they only have a +1 in charisma and also are the bluntest mf alive they are NOT allowed to speak. now we are awake and very clearly see it trying to hide behind a rock and we start plotting how the hell we're gonna deal with it. I play an eloquence bard. I have universal speech. I wont be able to understand it because universal speech is a dumb feature BUT idk we can play charades or some shit. Draw in the sand maybe ???

fun little fact: i fucked up a conversation with someone really bad the prior session (i was eepy and couldn't think very well :((( ) and ended up buying a dried fish from them to escape. fighter: you could offer them that fish me: i could..... .....does that count as cannibalism??? DM: ...probably not So i walk up close enough to it so i can use universal speech and held out the dried fish me: would you like fish?

sahuagin: *very carefully walks up* and

ok. so the sahuagin goes back into the water for a minute and.. out comes, a lot of them. ten fish people. ten. me: ... *turns back to our druid* WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE FISH. druid: *starts frantically catching fish* so we start a like fish conveyor belt with our druid catching the fish, throwing it to our fighter, and our fighter tossing it to me to offer. eventually the fighter joins in fishing and luckily they both have a good survival skill so it goes pretty quickly. then out comes one that is a.. woman? maybe? i don't know fish person anatomy, why would i know fish person anatomy this is like the third/fourth time i've ever seen an ocean. and while she's fucking staring me down another one comes out who is much. much. bigger. we just mugged a young dragon (yeah this session started out with us mugging a dragon, happens all the time don't worry about it) and this fucker is the like same height as it. and he has four arms. (kackles is that you ???? (no it's not he's much shorter. and also a bug.)) me: ..do i need like two fish for each of his pair of arms????? priestess sahuagin: touches her finger to my head me: oh shit she gon blow my head off she did not. instead she cast tounges on me. great. because I WANT to have a conversation with these people. so they complement our fishing ability and big fuck asks us if we take commissions.

me: what the fuck do they mean commissions druid's player: say yes. me: ...yes. they want us to catch 50 pounds of fish.

They are offering payment though! Got a pearl necklace worth about 1000 gold.. some earrings worth i think about 500 gold idk i forgor and a big ass gold ship steering wheel worth who fucking knows what the hell ??? They claim they got these from 'the beast' which we assumed meant a ship Now back to the 50 pounds of fish issue. We do have a solution to this problem. Kill the sea serpent and take 50 pounds of meat from it. Solving two problems at once. We give these guys their fish, and we deal with the serpent. But because we are sometimes smart I ask about their opinion on the serpent so we don't like accidentally kill their friend or some shit cause that'd be certified not good

"We care not for the monster who protects the beast" ...sea serpents eat ships.... W A I T. TANAZIR?????

so. this campaign started as a Strixhaven campaign that we continued on after graduation. currently one of our many tasks on our quest to save the world (why are we here what are we doing none of us should be here besides the fighter) is to find where all the founder dragons are hiding. We've already found Shadrix Silverquill and we guessed that Tanazir Quandrix (women in S.T.E.M!!!!) was around here and during mine and the fighter's watches we saw her come out of this whirpool thing and talk to the sea serpent. these fuckers stole from one of the fucking founder dragons. how? how the hell do you accomplish that??

and also now we know that the serpent is friends with Tanazir so we can't kill it because that'd probably piss her off and uh let's not do that. (also we should probably return the treasure to her :((( our money :(((( don't you know robbing two young dragons of their entire hoard is simply not nearly enough money ??? (we are greedy and also lunatics)) anyway okay so not killing the serpent. and we are 100% gonna have to backstab our new fish friends :((( we end up deciding to send our fighter (who has a cloak of the manta ray) and our druid (can just.. become a fish) to go into deeper water to hopefully find some tuna, while me and our wizard (he's here too, just has been comatose cause his player wasn't here. gonna be a fun surprise for him next session.) stay here to make sure the sahuagin don't think we're scamming them or something. Also i can compensate for our wizard's zero in charisma, and while our fighter has a -1 in charisma he was a quandrix student so he'll probably be ok if they encounter the serpent maybe. the sahuagin asked how long it would take for us to get the fish (it would take maybe a week maybe longer) so with a not technically a lie (the DM let me use persuasion thank god because i can't get lower than a 21 in persuasion (silver tounge rizz)) i convinced them that'd it take about two weeks BUT if they provided us a harpoon (the fighter wanted one) it'd only take a week-ish Before our druid and fighter could escape the sahuagin start circling around them.. singing? some ritual's going on, mayhaps blessing their trip. maybe. and the fuckin priestess one comes up to me and starts having a conversation. Priestess Sahuagin: Are you of faith? Me: /i don't follow any gods i'm just an english major. welp the founder dragons are like almost gods so Shadrix can count sure why not/ ..yes Priestess Sahuagin: *asking me if i like the spell guiding bolt* (I forgot exactly what she said) Me: *considers the like 10 times i've ended a fight with a well timed crit using guiding bolt* yes. Priestess Sahuagin: *something about their shark god i don't remember i'm tired* druid's player: he's pretty neat Me: ...he's pretty neat. Priestess Sahuagin: He is pretty neat :) (help) anyway so I planned for our wizard and i to kinda hang out on the beach while we wait for the other two to return. the sahuagin had other plans. They ask if we have gills (no) They ask what we are

me: do they want an actual answer ??? DM: yeah me: ...im a lizardfolk ...*points at fighter* he's a dragonborn *points at druid* they're a tiefling (the sahuagin have no fucking clue what the hell (heh) a tiefling is and maybe that's for the best) and *points at wizard* he's a human. Sahuagin: *death staring our wizard* that explains why he's elf like. ??why does everyone have beef with elves?? let's just leave out the fact our druid has an elven husband. and be glad we didn't bring him with us on this trip. i mean he's not a sea elf but y'know anyway so the session ends with our wizard and i about to be kidnapped and dragged to the ocean where the sahuagin live (im pretty sure we were given potions of water breathing which is good cause i would prefer not drowning.) and the druid and fighter setting out to go get a shit ton of fish pray for our souls

@datfatnerd are you proud us