#i want to move forward i want to reach out to the future but.. goddamn i'm stuck in such a dilemma n i'm just so stressed abt so much rn

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 17

part 1 | part 16 | ao3

Heat rolls through Steve’s gut; low and quick, a vicious flare, and then he coughs and looks away. “Jesus, man," he splutters, "learn to take a joke.”

“Mmm-hm.” Eddie's smug smirk spreads wide, grows teeth; gotcha bitch, and Steve’s about to tell him to fuck off when he claps his hands to his thighs and abruptly stands up. Does a big stretch, swinging his arms out side to side, reaching overhead until his back makes a noise like a twisted sheet of bubble wrap.

“Holy shit!” Steve frowns. “You’re gonna break your spine.”

Eddie gives him a flippant smile. “That's the idea. Anyway...” He pretzels himself up again, groaning as his neck and shoulders pop. “Seeing as we’re trapped in here for the foreseeable future, you wanna do what the little psychos asked? Play twenty questions or have a heart-to-heart or whatever?”

“Seriously? And just give them what they want?”

Eddie shrugs. “Seems like the fastest way out of here, so yeah.”

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

“Please. You negotiate with them all the time." He folds forward at the hips, looking at Steve upside down between his legs, and twists a curl around his pinky. "Those kids have you wrapped around their grubby little fingers."

"They do not!"

"They totally do. Besides," he swings back upright, "I’ll negotiate with anyone if it gets me back home to my girl.”

"Oh." Steve stumbles at that. "Didn't know you had a girlfriend.”

Eddie laughs big and bright, shaking his hair all over the place. “Yeah, Harrington, I have a girlfriend. You're funny. Y'know, Henderson could have saved us a lot of time here if he'd just told me you were fun—”

“Okay, then who’s your girl?” Steve interrupts with a huff, because Eddie’s just hopping around in circles while he laughs like Steve's a fucking moron for making a totally reasonable assumption, and he doesn't understand what's so goddamn funny about it.

“My girl, Harrington,” he all but coos when he collects himself, “is my guitar.” He bites his lip and mimes playing a riff; Steve doesn’t know shit about guitar, but he knows that Eddie’s fingers are quick, nimble and impressive as they jitter through the air. “We’ve got a show this weekend. Like, a real one this time, not just playing to three drunks at the Hideout.”

“Cool,” Steve says, looking away from his rings. “Congrats, man. You any good?”

“You could say that.” Eddie’s mouth goes smug and pleased, genuine pride shining in his big eyes when he rocks back on his heels. “The frat that booked us seems to think so, anyway.”

“Oh, shit!" Now Steve's impressed, because it's the weekend before Halloween, and that means, "College costume party.”

“Of course you’d be excited about that.”

“Hey, great place to get laid,” Steve shrugs.

Eddie chokes on his own spit. “You’re kind of a slut, you know that?”

“Rude,” Steve says mildly. He's not a slut; he's an opportunist.

The ground's starting to hurt his ass, so he stands up to join Eddie's impromptu yoga session. Eddie leans a hip against the workbench, folding his arms over his chest and giving Steve room to move.

His eyes flit to his hemline when it rides up on a stretch. "Would you..." he clears his throat. "Would you want to come?"

"Huh?" Steve twists around.

"To the show," Eddie adds, ducking his head to hide his face behind his hair. "You'd have to cram into the back with Frankie and the drum kit, but uh..."

Steve lets himself picture it for a moment, some alternate dimension where he's allowed to say yes: the winding highway to Indy, a van full of dudes cracking jokes and fighting over who gets to pick the music next, losing himself in the thrum of a crowd while he drinks and dances and watches Eddie on stage.

His throat feels tight, suddenly. He reaches for the flask and takes another sip of whiskey. "Don't all your bandmates hate me?"

"I mean... not any more than I do." Eddie's answer is quiet, his eyes swimming with candlelight; Steve doesn't know when they moved closer, when a hush settled over the room, but it feels like...

"Yeah?" he hedges, his voice barely above a whisper. Then he steps out onto the ledge; icy cliffside, slippery holds. The mountains are so much scarier than the deep sea. "And how... How much is that?"

His pulse kicks in his chest. Echoes down to his wrist, a nervous current beneath his skin. Eddie's eyes are so soft. Big and brown and dark. Dark like the deep woods; endless; sort of mesmerizing.

"Steve, I—"

The cellar doors shriek on their hinges.

—

part 18

part of the tag list below the cut comment if you want to be added (comment twice if you wanna be my tag manager lol i’m dyin)

@heartsong18 @hellion-child @hiimlevi @hotluncheddie @jackiemonroe5512 @jaytriesstuff @littlebluejane @lololol-1234 @marklee-blackmore @melonmochi @messrs-weasley @mrsjellymunson @mugloversonly @nburkhardt @nerdyglassescheeseychick @noodle-shenaniganery @notsopersonalcharlie @novelnovella @nuggies4life @pending-dope-username @perseus-notjackson @ppunkpuppyy @questionablequeeries @remosdeerica @runninriot @sadcanadianwinter @shamelesspatrolshepherdcowboy @silver-snaffles @singmeyoursimpsong @slowandsteddie @slutforcoffein @solalasoforth @spookednsaucy @steddieas-shegoes @steddie-island @stevesbipanic @steves-strapcollection @taleah-bonnick @teatimeeverybody @th30ra3k3n @thealwithnoname @thespaceantwhowrites @thestarslittleking @thesuninyaface @trensu @violetsteve @wormdebut @yourmom-isgay @zoeweee @zombiecreatures

[see-arcane]

With a total of 1,176 votes tallied, the preferred plushie poll winner with 28.8% of votes is…

What a close one! Jonathan came in with 27.7%, the mysterious Mr. Morse with 24.9% and, delicious irony of ironies, London Dracula with 18.9%. Rest in pieces. Now, what does all this mean going forward?

First, just to reconfirm: I will absolutely be looking into the costs for having more than one plushie character produced at a time. For all that Mina has the top spot if it comes down to a solo run, Nobody Wants to Separate the Gothic Horror Soulmates, even as wee little plushies. It hurts my heart to think of. Mina and Jonathan deserve to sit side by side on everyone’s pillow. Just as Quinn Morse deserves to haunt the pillow next to theirs while casually throttling and carving London Dracula into pieces. For enrichment.

But beyond that, some other key things:

How is this getting done?

Sadly, I was not a cool enough kid for Makeship to greenlight a collaboration with me. Tragique. But while I was sitting around waiting for them to get back to me, I had time to browse around for other options. During that sniffing around I dug up a couple of promising manufacturers—one of which has some really neat options for not only plush toys, but all sorts of bric-a-brac like stationery, shirts, bags, cups, et cetera—and I plan to reach out to them for quotes to start with. Nothing really gets to move forward until I can nail down prices and the amount of X plushies to be made.

I am more than a little hesitant to tell anyone MAKE ME 1000+ PLUSHIES, PLEASE, THE TUMBLR POLL SAID THEY’RE GOOD FOR IT. These aren’t as simple as print/make-on-demand products, so I need to be careful estimating the amount of folks ready and willing to drop money on the little guys. But I will keep everyone updated on the numbers regardless!

Sooo is this a crowdfunding thing or an investment or what?

Don’t know yet. I am still between jobs at the moment—reminder to check out my Ko-Fi if you want to drop me a buck or commission some art!—but if this is something I can safely drop some of my own money in with the guarantee that it will let me do better than break even, I’ll do what I can out of pocket. However, if the cost of making something of good quality turns out too steep, I’ll start looking into stuff like Kickstarter and Backerkit and so on. I want to be sure I’m not gutting anybody’s wallet to pull this off and I want to be double-sure that what we’re paying for isn’t some flimsy throwaway junk. We are all here on the same Dracula book club starving artist site, so It Has to Be Worth It and not a money-sink for anyone.

Got it. Any other info to spare?

For the plushies specifically, this is when I’ll start:

Polishing up the current four designs into cleaner illustrations with different angles to provide for mockup samples with whoever I pick to manufacture with. If I get stuck on something—(which is likely)—I may throw up another poll to bug everyone about palettes and fashion choices. I have a few more designs I haven’t dropped yet for Epilogue Harkers, a non-Bloofer Lucy, and keychains that I’d love to share too!

Eyeballing materials. I’m already picturing a very close-cut cloth for the build and clothes, but I need to decide on filling too. Stiff overstuffing to hold a pose versus softer/lighter plush for floppy cuddleability. 

Poking at other character roughs, ala the Suitor Squad, the Weird Sisters, Van Helsing, Renfield, and Baby Quincey. And if all of those go well…

…maybe some designs for other favorites in the public domain playground. (Looks meaningfully at Clarimonde, Carmilla, Victor Frankenstein and the Creature, the King in Yellow, too many others.) ((But that’s all far-future stuff at the moment.))

Cool! But you also mentioned something about other merch?

I did.

Because goddamn do I want some Dracula-themed stationery. Journals! Memo pads! Pens! Every day we don’t have these things with the Harkers’ mark upon them is a victory for the forces of Count Dracula’s document-destroying evil. Likewise for shirts, totes, mugs, keychains, face masks and other things that could use some novel-flavored goodies. Hell, I’ll probably even get on with making stuff for The Vampyres to link on my website too. Because I am. Maybe behind on that. By several months.

Anyway.

I’ve got to start working on some designs for those too while the plushie process is progressing. Pray that my carpals don’t get tunneled.

Nice! Sounds like your plate is pretty full. So that’s it, right?

:)

Arcane?

:3c

Arcane. I need you to tell me this is all you’re working on.

>:}

Arcane.

Please stand by.

I have a little treat brewing for the Dracula Dailiers and @re-dracula folks in honor of a very special day for our good friend Jonathan Harker.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Ahhhhh Lester Billings fic was so gooodddd I loved ittttttt pls make a part two 🙏🙏🙏

45 Days of Waiting - Lester Billings/Reader

Warnings: Gender neutral reader, no use of Y/N, friends to roommates, accusations of cheating and abuse (both false of course), reader is still pining, Lester is still sad, happy ending.

Wordcount: 25210

Summary: You called in every favour you could to find someone to take his case so he could get his family back, but inviting him to stay with you was surely bound to have more consequences than even you could've expected as your friendship with him blossoms even more.

Notes: Ask and you shall receive hehe the idea of writing out the custody hearing was always in my mind when thinking of the sequel to this, but godDAMN did I not expect it to be so long. The hearing itself takes up a good chunk of this, but there's also a ton of other scenes as your friendship (and relationship? 😏) grows, so while this is the longest reader of mine to date somehow I promise it'll be a worthy read that'll lead into even more with him as I go through the final two requests for him in my queue 😊 And while there are OCs of mine in here as secondary characters again, I may've gone a bit overboard with my usual Matty cameo hehehe

I also looked up how long the original story was, and it was only 4808. I've written over 6x the amount of plot for this man than Stephen King himself, so I think it's now safe to say I now own him and this is now how his life turns out 👍 Hope everyone who might've looked forward to this enjoys it 💗💗💗

It was Thursday night again, your car pulling into the grocery store in town as it always did at around 5:15PM. It was the soonest you could get there after work, and you'd been working like crazy lately, your office phone ringing off the hook and calling just as much as you attempted to trade in every single favour you had stocked up. You were dead tired as you yanked a cart free and started on the list in your hand, the usual favourites now followed by a bunch of healthy foods as well as the odd treat. It was a long list, but money hadn't been an issue ever since you'd started your job at the firm, and now that Lester was working again he always made sure to pay you back since he was now spending his Thursdays, along with every other night, at the office for as long as he could get away with.

It'd been a couple weeks since you'd found him at Walkers, since he’d confessed to you that his wife was leaving him and taking his kids on the suspicion of cheating, and the thought of it still made your blood boil as you stared at the pasta sauces and grabbed your favourite, not hers. You placed two jars into your cart and moved on, each item crossed off your list until you reached the dessert counter at the end, the worker seeing you coming and already preparing two slices of Caramel Pecan for you and him to take home.

It was still a little strange to think about how he was coming home to you, just temporarily until he could finish securing a new place of his own that'd be suitable for his kids, something he hadn't dared to think about when he'd started his hunt, but to you all the same. He took up your entire couch to the point where you'd had to take pity on him after that first night, your bed offered to him when he'd woken up with his back irritated from being all bunched up. He didn't want it, he was already imposing on you during all of this, but one offered massage later had him feeling better and a little more ready to get a good night's sleep. 

You'd checked on him that second night, his suitcases decorating your floor and the single picture he'd managed to grab decorating your nightstand where he could see it before he fell asleep, and you vowed again that this wouldn't stay his future as you'd spent the rest of the night looking up every big name in your work contact list.

You packed the groceries into your car and headed home, his receipt separate from yours so he could keep track of what he owed you as usual, and you planned on what to make for him by the time he got home later that night all the way back to your house. It was a long drive, so you had plenty of time to create a meal based on what you'd just bought, your fingers tapping the wheel as you wondered if he'd prefer the kale salad tonight or if he'd want to go with the stir fry instead. 

It was almost unbelievable how fast your crush kept trying to come back now that you saw him every day, little reminders of why you'd properly fallen in the first place cropping up and trying to distract you from your cause, but each time you just swallowed them down; he needed a friend right now, the poor guy was about to lose his marriage for goodness sake, so any interference from you and your own needs would only make him feel worse.

You'd seen cases like this before, one wrong move and Rita would be able to use everything out of context and prove that he was unfaithful to the judge while she made her claim for full custody, and if you were the cause of her winning you'd never be able to forgive yourself.

You forced yourself to breathe as you pulled into the driveway, everything needing to be carried up the small steps to your front door as soon as it was opened, and just as you propped it open and got ready to bring everything in you ended up pausing at the smell of food. You stepped inside, sniffing curiously as you wondered if maybe one of you had forgotten to turn something off or throw something away that morning, and when you reached the kitchen you froze with a pounding heart when you saw Lester standing at the sink, currently peeling and slicing potatoes while a big pan of beef was browning on the stove. 

‘You're h- back early,’ you pointed out as he transferred the potatoes to another pan, and he jumped only a little before chuckling and wiping off his hands.

‘Yeah, I'm going in again after dinner, I just wanted to thank you for all you've been doing for me lately,’ he explained almost nervously, like you wouldn't appreciate the gesture, and you forgot all about the food in your car and all the wide open doors you'd left behind as you rushed forward to give him a hug. You caught yourself before he could hug you back, your hands coming up to straighten your work casual clothes as you cleared your throat. You were very aware of how inappropriate that just was despite you being friends, but before you could apologize he pulled you right back into it. ‘What kind of thanks comes without a hug?’ he asked into your shoulder, and you held him tightly until a mix of the beef spitting grease everywhere and your front door slamming shut made you part.

‘Oh yeah, the groceries, I'll help you cook after I bring them all in,’ you offered as you headed back for the car, Lester shaking his head and mixing around the beef now that more of it was browned.

‘This is my thanks to you, I do know how to make a thing or two without needing a menu,’ he joked lively, his familiar smile back again, and you just smiled right back before rushing out to bring everything in.

You were at work that week when someone finally called you back, a woman from a neighbouring firm who you'd worked with a few times and was interested in his case. She was aware of his financial situation, how Rita had kept all the cards and how he was stuck to his brand new debit account that was only loaded with a few paychecks for the moment, and together you'd worked out that this would be pro bono for now; when he was given access back to his personal savings - which she was hoarding in order to pay the bills - then he would be able to pay her. 

What he wouldn't know was that you'd also called in one of your favours so the bill for this would be lessened, just another kindness to him while he went through all of this. She was on the phone with you as you wrote all of this down into a personal report to give to her to help with the case, the receiver cradled between your jaw and shoulder before you remembered that speakerphone had been invented even on landlines. 

‘He's staying with me for the time being, he has a few places we're gunna check out next week to see if they'd be a good fit for his kids to visit until he can start hunting for a house again,’ you told her as you set the phone down, your hands moving fast over the keyboard of your laptop in time with your voice. ‘They're all in town, so they won't have to be too far from their school and friends, that was something he forgot about when he first started looking, but it's all sorted and we just need to settle on a location and price.’

‘You keep saying, “we,” be sure not to do that during any meetings, not when his wife is already accusing him of being unfaithful,’ Gwen reminded you warily, and you mentally slapped your hand to your forehead as you kept on typing.

‘Shit, yeah, sorry, it's been harder not to lately since he keeps asking for my opinion,’ you groaned, all of your thoughts on all the things you'd been doing together overwriting the fact that he should be doing this on his own even without you acting as his lawyer, just his friend. 

‘It's fine with us, I know you'd never put him in that position, but you never know who she might be hiring to falsify evidence in her favour when she's this convinced that it's true.’ She paused to take a drink of something so you paused in return to stretch your hands, your cell lighting up with a text from him asking if you want him to pick up anything on the way home since he knew you would also be late; home, he'd started calling it that even though you’d tried your damndest not to, and your crush whispered in your ear about how right it sounded as you quickly tapped out a reply and set the device back down again.

‘We don't spend any time together outside of the house, and we leave at different times so unless she has someone actually following us, which I will report, there's nothing going on here other than me helping out a friend,’ you told her as you got back to your report, and you heard her click her tongue a couple times before adjusting how she held her own phone.

‘Still, be careful during this, you may not be representing him due to your closeness to this case, but you became a liability to him the moment you opened your door to him under this suspicion. Keep it platonic, keep it distant, don't add fuel to the fire, and we can meet sometime next week to go over the rest of the details, okay? Just text me your address and I'll be there, the less he's seen in public with anyone the better so long as we don't know who she thinks the cheating is with.’ You nodded guiltily even though she couldn't see, your hands stopping their typing as you touched your cheek again even though the sting was long gone. 

You didn't know if it'd really be brought up during the hearing, but you didn't want to have to tell him that the accused was actually you, your appearance in his life only making everything go to hell in such a short time. You knew deep down that it wasn't actually your fault, you'd never made a single move on him and she was only lashing out in jealousy over something that didn't exist, but you knew that custody tended to favour the mothers and if there was a single shred of doubt that she could twist into him looking like a bad father then you would play the part of friend until even you believed it.

The call ended and you texted her your address along with a good time when the neighbours were usually out, it'd be easy to leave work for this at least on your part, Lester's boss giving him a little more leniency than usual while this was sorted so far so hopefully it wouldn't be an issue for him either. You saved your report and shut your laptop for the night, you had no more energy to do this and you needed to eat, your earlier denial of takeout being redacted as you texted him your favourites from the place he had to now pass by to get to you.

The meeting couldn't come sooner, Lester on constant edge as he paced around your room the night before. You could hear exactly where he was as you tried to sleep on the couch in the next room, each creak in the wood giving away his position until finally it stopped. You sighed, it'd been hours and it had honestly been keeping you awake, but not because of the noise; you were just as nervous as he was, the two of you up late before this deep cleaning your entire one-story house just to be sure you were ready to start this battle, and you were until you'd heard him get out of bed and start pacing.

Now your room was quiet again, and you waited for the sound of snoring when you heard your door creak open next instead. ‘Hey, I can't sleep,’ came his small voice from the doorway, and you couldn't even pretend to be asleep when he could clearly see your face looking his way from there.

‘Me either,’ you admitted as you pushed yourself onto your elbows, Lester brushing his messy bangs out of his eyes, and you could see how tired they were even from there. ‘Want me to put on some coffee? We can watch something until we fall asleep.’

‘No, but… it's silly, nevermind.’ He went to shut the door, your body sitting up even more as you pushed aside your blanket.

‘Wait, you can tell me, I'm worried about tomorrow, too,’ you confided in him before the door could shut, and he let out his own sigh as he opened it back up again.

‘I've been lying next to someone for over 20 years, and lately I've been too… too sad or too tired to notice but… I can't ignore it tonight, not now that I know this is happening starting tomorrow.’ Your mouth went dry as you understood his pacing, and you moved on instinct before you could stop yourself. ‘You don't have to, I just- don't want to be alone, tonight,’ he mumbled, this new and sad version of him cropping up again as the thoughts of sleeping without his longtime girlfriend and then wife and mother of his children clearly plagued him.

‘What're friends for?’ you could only say as you joined him in your room, an unspoken tension filling the air as he still tried to backtrack.

‘I'm not asking for… uh, sexual favours, or anything,’ he mumbled nervously, and you quickly raised your hands and took a step back as you prayed the darkness of the night was hiding your blush.

‘I didn't come in here expecting you to!’ you clarified just as nervously in way too loud a voice for that late at night, and he smiled in relief as his shoulders relaxed.

‘Okay, thank you, it's just that the thought of sleeping alone- for the longest time I'd forgotten how that felt, and like I said I've been too distracted to think about it until now, but if you'd rather not I can try,’ he insisted as to not pressure you, and you had to silence your crush with something louder as you took his hand and led him towards the bed.

‘You don't need to explain yourself to me, you're going through something I can't even imagine, if this'll help you then I want to help,’ you told him honestly, and he pushed aside his fear as he got back into bed. You made sure the blinds were all closed just in case, your talk with Gwen making you a bit paranoid as the room got even darker, and when you were done you made sure your pajamas were a little less loose before climbing in after him. 

You laid arm to arm with a generous amount of space between you, your entire body stiff as you felt him tense as well; neither of you were going to be able to fall asleep at this rate, so you quickly let out a breath and rolled onto your side. You faced him, both physically and metaphorically, in order to let him turn his back to you, maybe your arm around him would be more appreciated than him thinking he could hold you and pretend, but to your surprise he faced you as well, maybe stuck in the same train of thought of what he wanted. 

‘What do we do now?’ he asked you softly, your hands gripping the sheets as your eyes quickly looked away from his lips.

‘I dunno, how did you usually sleep?’ you asked back, and he gave a slight shrug as he also looked away from you.

‘She didn't like it much towards the end, but… I usually held Rita until I was able to fall asleep, something about the dark has always made it harder for me, I think I might’ve passed that on to Annie…’ He fell silent again upon thinking of his daughter, still at home and waiting for her dad to come tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, and when you both sniffed at the same time you couldn't stop yourself; you leaned forward in the dim light, your hand finding his cheek and leading the way towards him, and even though his breath hitched and he didn't close his eyes, he also didn't pull away as you pressed a kiss to his lips. 

You pulled back almost immediately, reality catching up to you the moment he angled his head just enough to kiss you back, and you sat right up and started apologizing before his gentle hand found yours.

‘I still love my wife, even though she's doing this,’ was all he told you, the kindness and understanding you'd come to love showing up when you wanted it the least, and you tore your hand free to wipe at your cheek.

‘I know, I don't know why I did that, that's not why I came in here,’ you said as fast as you could, your mind racing as you felt the embarrassment and shame from the kiss beat you down until you were starting to panic; you knew he didn't need this right now, any feelings you still had for him very unappreciated when he still loved his wife and was trying his hardest to get his family back. Your feelings for him coming out now would only ruin everything, you didn't belong in that part of his life, and if you'd just walked away that day at the party then maybe this never would've even happened. ‘I'm sorry, I'm ruining everything, I never meant to-’

‘Come here, it's okay,’ he shushed you, his voice too soft and too kind as he pulled you back down to the bed. He turned you until your back was to his chest, and you tried to still your sobs even more now that he could feel this with his entire body as he wrapped his arm around your waist. ‘I know I'm being selfish here, I never should've asked this much from you, but I can't return your kindness like this, not when I don't feel the same,’ he murmured into your shoulder, and you tried to hide the way your body instinctively curled up at his words.

‘I never wanted you to,’ you replied into your pillow, and you felt him hold you a little tighter until the sound of gentle snoring reached your ear; just laying like this had put him to sleep, the comfort of being able to hold someone again lulling away the stress of it all until he was able to rest. You held him just a moment before letting go, your hands clenched into your pillow as you stared at the faint moonlight coming through your blinds. ‘I'm sorry, I should've just walked away, I never meant to do this to you,’ you told him properly, but he didn't hear any of it, and you knew it as you kept apologizing until you also fell asleep in his arms.

Despite being up late, the two of you were awake as soon as the sunlight filled the room, the few hours you were able to get seemingly enough for him as he looked a little less tired. You slept a little longer than him, just enough to slip free and grab some clothes so you could shower fast and make sure everything was ready for Gwen's arrival a good 8 hours later. You were in the middle of rinsing your hair when you heard him moving around outside the door, the sound of him rummaging through his suitcases making you frown as the water ran over your face. 

This was temporary, he was here to save himself some much needed money from hotels while he looked for a new home, you didn't belong in that part of his life. You repeated that to yourself as you finished up, the bathroom free for him as you opened the door with your brush still in hand. He froze as he went to pass, your hand stilling as you tamed your drying hair, an awkwardness settling over you that made you wish he'd find his own place even sooner.

‘I'm sorry, about last night,’ he mumbled as he held his clothes for the day, this surprising you as you set your brush down. ‘I shouldn't have asked that of you, I didn't know you had…’

‘I don't,’ you were quick to lie, needing to console him more than let your feelings be known right now, ‘I don't know why I… did what I did last night, that wasn't fair to you.’

He looked away but not in his own embarrassment, even though he'd kissed you back despite saying he didn't feel the same. ‘It was a vulnerable moment, we can act irrationally in times like that,’ he began, his hands worrying around his clothes as he fussed with them, ‘I know this, because when Rita told me she wanted the divorce, I found myself getting angry at her, for the first time since we got together.’ You turned to face him entirely, your focus only on him as he all but collapsed against the doorframe. ‘We've had arguments before, it's not like I've never been mad at her in all our years of knowing each other, all couples fight, but when she said those words to me- I don't know, at the time I could only feel anger, betrayal, confusion, and-’

He stopped, you'd talked about how he'd felt after he moved in since he couldn't afford to see a therapist, but this was new as you waited patiently for him to trust you with the rest.

‘I lashed out, then. I didn't hit her, I never could, but I made her feel unsafe around me when I tried to get her to tell me why she was doing this. That's why she's claiming full custody, not because she thinks I was cheating.’ You didn't realize you were holding your breath until your chest started to ache for a different reason, and when you approached him he allowed you to lead him back to the bed so he could sit down. 

His eyes were sad again, sadder than you'd ever seen them, and you knew that he'd been carrying this secret the entire time you'd been trying to help him. 

‘I needed to tell you before it came out any other way, you deserve to know that much after everything you're doing for me, and that's why I don't blame you or hate you for that kiss, it wasn't like I didn't enjoy just a bit of positive affection, after everything that's been going on…’

‘Lester, I… thank you, for telling me this. You need to tell Gwen when she comes over, Rita is sure to use this and we need to prove to them that this was a one time thing, that you would never hurt your family,’ you told him seriously, your hands grasping his arm as he stared at the floor in shame of his actions no matter how they'd turned out. He nodded but didn't look hopeful, and you knew you shouldn't but still you wrapped your arms around him, let him know you were there and on his side; he eased into you, a long sigh of relief leaving him as you pulled him even closer to you, your hands locking over his arm when you felt him tremble.

‘It's my own fault, I caused this…’ You held him tighter, your face burying into his shoulder as he covered his own with his hand. ‘Maybe if I'd paid better attention to her, listened to her concerns, been a better husband-’

‘You did everything you could, I've never known you to be anything but that,’ you insisted as he shook his head, not wanting to hear it.

‘It wasn't good enough.’

You fell back onto the mattress, dragging him with you until he lost his balance, and as soon as he was laying down you let go of his arms to instead sit up and cup his cheeks so he'd look at you. ‘Stop it. I've been doing this a long time, Lester. I've seen truly bad people do even worse things, and I've seen colleagues I trusted represent these people in order to make them look like saints. I've seen bad, I've seen terrible, neglect, abuse, evil. And you're none of these things,’ you insisted, and when he was unable to look away he just laid there and listened as the tears rolled down his cheeks. ‘You're a wonderful father, and even if you made a mistake in a moment of great distress, that doesn't make you a monster. 

‘The monsters are out there, waiting to strike when you're most vulnerable, and they'll take and devour until good people like you are gone. And I won't let that happen to you or your kids, do you hear me?’ He met your eye when your hands started to shake, not with sadness but determination at your words, you were going to help him, he was going to get his kids back, and you'd fight off any monster it took to get to that point.

‘Why're you doing this for me?’ he suddenly asked as he fell completely still, and your hands left him as you sat back and just stared at him. ‘I know I've been staying here, but we still barely know each other, not enough for you to do this much.’

Because I love you.

‘Because I'm your friend, or, I thought I was, if you think that we're not close enough for this.’ You couldn't pretend it didn't hurt, your face betraying how hard you were trying to keep it together, and when he took your hands and brought you down you fell just as easily as he did.

‘You are, and you've been there for me when none of the others have,’ he whispered into your hair, your chest aching as you remembered just how many people had been at his parties. ‘Once it got out that I punched that wall they all sided with her, if it wasn't for you I'd be alone.’

‘It's not fair.’

‘...I'm sorry to put all this on you.’

‘No, it's not fair that she's taking everything from you. I wish I had contacted Gwen first, I wish I could be the one to do this for you, you don't know- fuck, I don't understand it,’ you moaned as you rested your cheek on his chest, the two of you just holding each other as the sun rose even higher in the sky and officially started the day. ‘We'll tell her everything, she's good, I've seen her help so many good people who didn't stand a chance otherwise, and I know you do despite how this all looks; we’ll convince them all it's not true, I won't stop until we do.’

‘You're a good friend, I wish I'd met you sooner,’ he said softly, and you could hear his smile as your hands clung to his shirt this time. 

‘Yeah, I do too.’

You both laid there until you fell asleep again, he really needed the comfort of another person there in order to really relax, and you both felt better as you woke up a second time a few hours later. Your entire home felt less tense, and there was no running around as you made some brunch and went over what you were going to say. Thanks to your report she already knew a lot of what'd happened from your perspective, but getting to meet with him would be what he needed now that he was ready to talk about everything and not just what you thought you knew.

When she finally arrived it felt like there was some real hope for him, everything coming out about that night as you all sat down in your living room and spread out the pages on your coffee table. He told you how she'd approached him before bed just after he'd tucked in Annie and Shaun, how she demanded he tell her the truth about who he was seeing, and when he couldn't answer how she'd then accused him of cheating in plain sight. Your heart ached and your hands gripped your couch so hard that they cramped as you listened, Lester going into full detail about how she'd then refused to say who she thought he was seeing, which you knew, but also slapped him when he tried to tell her the truth.

You saw red at that, Gwen stopping the conversation like she'd just realized you'd been there the whole time. ‘Maybe it'd be better if you went for a drive while I talk to him, without representing him there isn't much you can do here,’ she suggested carefully, Lester already starting to shut down as he touched the same cheek as your own slap.

‘No, I want to be here for him, everyone else left and I refuse to do the same, I have no one to break confidentiality with,’ you insisted as you sat up straighter, and when Lester gave a small nod to confirm that he'd prefer your presence there Gwen could only agree and let him finish.

‘Well, after she hit me we ended up arguing loud enough to wake Deni, whose room is closest to ours. She made sure to keep Shaun away when we got louder, she's too responsible for her age, it's because of her that I was able to snap out of it,’ he continued as he fiddled with the pencil he'd used to fill out the forms she'd brought. ‘But first, when Rita was yelling at me, tried to make me believe that I was lying to her and that I was just trying to keep seeing this lover she was convinced I had, when I was starting to get frustrated and couldn't get a word in, that's when she asked for the divorce, or demanded it, really, there was no asking. 

‘She was sick of me bringing this lover around to flaunt in front of her, started listing off all these times where I’d invited friends over for stuff like parties and movie nights, but it was always with people she knew, I still don’t- anyway, I think I might’ve blacked out after that, because the next thing I knew I was yelling at her, and when I looked down my knuckles were scratched up and there was an indent in our wall.’ He swallowed heavily, Gwen writing everything down as she stared up at him with a level expression.

‘Did you hit her at any point?’ she asked not to accuse or insinuate, but still you frowned at her as he shut his eyes and tried to concentrate.

‘No, I hit the wall but that was it, I didn’t even grab her when she backed away,’ he confessed, and you hated the woman even more as the tears started to fall again. ‘She told me she wanted full custody right before Deni rushed in to make sure everything was okay, and I didn’t argue with her again about it for the rest of the night.’

‘You slept on the couch?’

‘Deni’s room, she has one of those bunkbeds with the folding couch as the bottom bunk, since her friends are always staying the night; I slept on that since she didn’t want me to be alone, I swear she’s too mature…’ He smiled fondly but sadly as he cleaned himself up, he really missed her and her siblings, and you exchanged a look with Gwen as she finished writing. ‘The next morning she had a bag already packed for me, we were supposed to go on vacation so it was at the end of the bed, said she wanted me out because she was done listening to my lies, and I’ve only been back once since then to properly pack when the kids were out of the house so they wouldn’t have to see us fight again.’

‘And did you fight, that second time?’

‘No, I just packed up a few suitcases and left while she kept watch, made sure I didn’t take anything, it’s only while she was heading for the door that I was able to grab a picture of our kids from the TV stand.’ He let out a breath, he felt better getting it all out to someone who was going to help him, like a sinner confessing to a priest, and you reached over and gave his hand a reassuring pat as Gwen hummed to herself and put her notebook down.

‘Do you think you’d be able to remember exactly who was at these events she listed? If we can make a comprehensible list of everyone there we might be able to guess who she thinks this lover is, get them to stand with us and tell the judge that this is all a big understanding, although I do think a divorce might be beneficial for everyone after the amount of distrust and toxicity that arose between you,’ she said honestly, and instantly he straightened up, his hands grasping the table as he nearly fell to his knees.

‘But my kids-’

‘We’ll still fight for custody, at best it’ll be shared, but that’ll be better than letting her get full, don’t you agree?’ He nodded, even though he didn’t like the sound of not being able to see them everyday he still nodded all the same, and you reached for him again when Gwen interrupted by handing him her notebook, a new page waiting for him. ‘Try and remember as many names as you can, from as many of her events as well, everything helps right now,’ she told him as he took it, and he nodded again before concentrating on all the friends he tended to invite to his many parties; you didn’t realize how much you missed them until that moment, missed how in his element he was as he helped grill, set up the projector, toweled off his kids until they were embarrassed and had to fix their hair in front of their laughing friends.

The man before you was so different than him, all hunched shoulders and sad eyes, and with each name that he added to the list you knew that it was your fault he looked like this, everything all because of you and the reason why he wasn't at home right now throwing another party and jumping into the pool with a full stomach and reckless abandon. You wanted to tell him sorry again, your hands clasped in your lap as he finished up the list and handed it back over, Gwen’s eyes trailing over it for any names that stood out repeatedly when her frown of concentration turned to one of concern instead.

‘This is very helpful, thank you, I’ll start contacting them this week if you can give me their numbers next, and would you be able to help me grab something from the car real quick?’ The second part was directed at you, and your own frown turned to one of matching concern as he began going through his phone to write down as many numbers as he could before your return. You followed her outside, her car parked behind yours since his was hidden in your garage, but she didn’t go to it as soon as she shut the door behind herself. ‘It’s you, isn’t it?’

‘What?’

‘Please don’t play dumb with me right now, your name was listed under every single event right down to the movie night with one other couple, you’re the one Rita thinks he’s cheating on her with, aren’t you?’ Her gaze was serious and almost angry as she spoke, no more neutral calmness as she stared you down, and you tried to say no before it all spilled out all at once.

‘Don’t tell him, please-’

‘Jesus!’

‘We never did anything, he only ever invited me over with everyone else, there really was nothing going on,’ you insisted desperately, Gwen rubbing her eyes as she backed away from you.

‘You’ve just made this so much harder to prove, he’s been staying at your fucking house for weeks,’ she groaned into her palm, her eyes on the door like she could see him still seated at the couch on the other side of the wood. ‘What did you do to give her the impression that he was seeing you, because clearly he has no idea it’s you.’

‘Nothing-! I really did nothing, I just showed up a few times, it wasn't even that many, I would never pursue a married man.’ You needed her to believe you, she was his only shot and even though you only just barely knew each other you knew that if she bailed then that was it, no one else would help him. ‘I swear to you, my intentions have only been innocent since the start, he doesn’t even know I-’

‘You have feelings for him, sonofabitch if that gets out her lawyer will use that to high heaven, everything you’ve done will be twisted into something selfish, you letting him stay here could end up being his downfall, how could you do something so stupid?’

You bit your lip as you rested against the wall of the entryway, the bricks cold against your back as you fought not to shake. ‘I know it was stupid, but he’d just lost everything, I didn’t want him to keep shelling out money for that hotel while he tried to save up for a house, I thought this was the only way to help him…’

‘We’re going to find him a place today, and he’s going to stay in a hotel until this hearing is over and he can move in.’

‘What, no, he can’t afford it!’

‘And you can’t afford to have Rita find out he’s been here. Fuel to the fire, you know how we work, you know whoever she’s hired will take one look at this situation and use it as proof that you wanted him to yourself, no wife, no kids, just a man who was more than willing to leave his family behind the moment you asked.’ She sighed deeply as you crumbled to the steps, your leg spreading over the small two leading to your sidewalk as you ran your hands through your hair. ‘I know you had good intentions, but this has gotten way out of hand, and if you really want to help him then you’ll keep your distance until this is over. Whether he really is just a friend or if you’re in love with him, you know there’s a good chance you might have to stand up there in front of everyone and explain all of this if her lawyer demands to call on you as proof, and the more deniability you both have to her claims the better, alright?’

‘Alright,’ you repeated, and she left you a moment to grab a box of something from her car to make it seem like you weren’t out there to talk. You stood as she returned, getting the door for her since her hands were now full, and he was none the wiser as you sat again and started going over all the listings he’d bookmarked since he’d been kicked out.

Gwen ended up staying for much longer than expected as you went on a tour of his listings, his insistence that you come along the only reason you weren’t secretly forced to stay home. He’d found both a mix of decently large apartments and smaller houses, nothing near as grand as his old one, but each was affordable, cozy, and in range of both his kids’ school and his work. In the end he was able to make a successful offer on a one-story house similar to yours, and the price was lower due to it needing a bit of work, but it had three bedrooms, two for Deni and Shaun while Annie would sleep in his, a yard big enough to house a pool that just needed to be cleaned and refilled, and a living room big enough for everyone to have more fun movie nights.

It was a dream home, but the work had daunted all the other potential buyers, and he was more than ready to take on the challenge and fix it up himself if need be to distract himself from the upcoming hearing. You wished you could help him with it, but between work and needing to stay as far away from that home as possible you could only cheer him on from afar as he signed the paperwork that day and worked out a payment plan now that Gwen was there to represent him.

‘This is amazing, Deni will want this room because I know Shaun will have claimed this one, the kitchen needs some work but a new stove and some fresh paint will open the space right up, and this living room! If we keep the couches against the wall then everyone will be able to spread out again, maybe I’ll be able to get that sectional I wanted this time, that way there’ll be room for everyone without the need of a loveseat, but of course I need to fix that wall first; good thing this place is so small, I might be able to knock it out in a weekend- hey, you alright?’ You were snapped out of your thoughts as he leaned down a bit to look you in the eye, his ramblings about his new place coming to a halt when he noticed your expression. ‘You’ve been staring at the closet for about five minutes, I’m pretty sure there’s no monsters in it.’

You weakly laughed, stuck between being happy to see this side of him again and knowing that you wouldn’t be able to help with a single thing, it would just be him here, alone. ‘I’m alright, just thinking, I guess,’ you admitted as Gwen talked to the realtor in the kitchen, a space cleared off for more papers to be signed as they discussed ownership and payment. ‘Things are gunna be busy for me, for a while. Once the power and water get turned back on and you can move in I don’t think we’ll be able to see each other for a while.’

‘That’s okay, we can always see each other on Thursdays,’ he joked, but that only made this sting all the more as the darkness in the closet grew. ‘I really am thankful for all your help so far, but I’ll be alright while I do this; if fixing up an entire house will prove to them that I’m serious about wanting to see my kids more than a few times a year then I’ll do it, I used to be a bit of a handyman before I got my big, important office job, y’know.’ You laughed again, you didn’t doubt it after his emergency help when he backed up your sink and then had to fix it before the water spread to the living room.

‘I just wish I could help you, chores are always better with company, remember?’ you reminded him as you met his eye, and when he smiled and pulled you into a hug you felt Gwen’s eyes on you as you held him back.

‘I know, but if you’ve gotta work it can’t be helped, I can man a broom and mop on my own, just need to get a radio in here and maybe it’ll feel a little more lively.’

‘You can get spotify on your phone, then you won’t need to get a radio,’ you suggested, and when he pulled away he looked confused.

‘What’s that? I’ve heard Deni mention it before but I never figured it out, R- her mother was always better with technology,’ he frowned in confusion, and you laughed again before pulling out your phone and getting him to do the same.

Gwen dropped you both off less than an hour later, someone coming to the house within the week to get the power back on after the last storm knocked it out, and with no one living there no one had bothered to get it fixed again. The water had also been turned off as well as the heat just to save money, and as soon as it all was in working order again he was free to sweep out the master bedroom and move right in, the rest was up to him. You hadn’t been able to resist his request to go shopping with him for a new bed, he was always bad with those kinds of things and ended up regretting his choice as soon as he got home, so a second opinion was very much needed despite Gwen silently warning you not to.

‘I’d love to, the sooner that’s sorted the sooner you don’t have to sleep on the floor,’ you agreed, and you silently apologized to her as she let out a sigh. ‘You’re on your own with everything else though, and you’re not stealing my broom to clean up that mess, I’d much rather throw it out than let it back into my house.’

‘I’ll get two, one to keep and one to throw,’ he decided from the backseat, his phone out again as he started adding things to his cart despite not even being moved yet; he was ready to have the place livable so his kids could visit even before the hearing, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him it’d still have to be a while if Rita denied him visitation. It'd been so long already since you'd seen him so energetic, and it made you smile even though he'd have to do this next part alone; it'd be hard but he'd lived through that first month on his own, so he'd be able to do it again in his own space if he had the hope that it'd be full again urging him on, you knew he could.

You both waved goodbye as she drove away, and you couldn't help but join in his celebration as he ran out to grab dinner from his favourite place as well as some alcohol, neither of you had drank since he moved in after he hit the bottle too hard in that lonely hotel room. You had your own personal movie night as you finally got to show him the one you brought but had never gotten to watch, and sure enough he wasn't a fan of horror as he cowered almost dramatically on his end of the couch while you laughed and told him to watch the part coming up, it would be good, you promised.

You didn't get to bed until late again, you couldn't exactly sleep when he was sitting where your feet should be, but you knew you wouldn't be getting comfortable once the TV turned off and he shot you another nervous glance. He didn't even have to say it, he needed someone there more than ever with his upcoming lonely nights waiting for him, and this time you didn't kiss him as you both got into bed and fell asleep easier than you ever had before. 

The house was ready for him sooner rather than later, the text that he was good to go actually arriving as you were out shopping for a bed. He was indecisive as hell, trying out every mattress to make sure it was good for his back, and even when he found one that was comfortable he tended to pass on it just in case something even better was on display. He was laying down on what felt like his millionth mattress when he got the text, his eyes opening wide as he sat up only to flinch as his back did indeed twinge.

‘The water’s on, why don't we go over now, start cleaning up?’ he suggested excitedly, and your smile fell as you thought about how you shouldn't even be doing this much.

‘I don't know, shouldn’t we stay and get a bed if you can move in asap?’ you tried to defer, and he gave the one he was on a little bounce before getting up.

‘I'll take this one, it can stay on the floor until I get a frame, let's hurry up and go!’ While you were glad to have this nightmare end, it only caused the second one to start as he flagged down an employee and got the price, a frame ending up catching his eye on the way now that his big dilemma was solved. He bought both and together with two employees you stuffed it all into his car, the mattress thankfully crammed into a box to his amazement and saving him a ton of space. 

He also bought all the things he'd need to clean, his new broom and mop laying across the seat with a bag full of supplies and towels. You pretended to not feel the entire weight of them on your shoulders all the way to his new home, the spare keys already picked up from under the rock by the door and in his pocket before you could exit the car.

He threw open the door and rushed back to get the broom, you in charge of the mop by default as he began to sweep with all the enthusiasm of a cartoon princess, and it only made you fall harder until his actions caught up with him and he needed to sweep himself a small circle so he could sit down. You shook your head and took over for him, all the windows thrown up and the patio door open wide to air the place out until he was ready to help again, Lester now confined to cleaning off the counters while you handled the floor. The playlist you’d made on your phone followed you around as you did each room, his own playing even more favourites in the kitchen and then bathroom as he worked, his fight with spotify now rectified and used in his favour, music already filling the home as you tossed out bag after bag of garbage until it was time to mop.

He had the bucket already full for you when you went for it, the counters all cleaned and the bath/shower combo getting the attention it very much deserved next. It was a lot faster to wash the floors, and even though you knew they'd only get dirty again as the walls were patched up and painted eventually, it was still nice to stand in the living room and take everything in when you both were done. You dumped the dirty water down the drain and carried the bags to the road to be collected, Lester's single one joining yours when he was done scrubbing, and together you sat on the floor and decided if it'd be cheaper to patch everything up yourselves or hire someone to do it before he started moving his stuff in. 

In the end he called someone out on the patio while  you looked up weed wackers on your phone, the yard needing just as much attention; the pool would come last, it was already heading into fall after all so it'd just be covered up again before long, but it could at least be inspected and cleaned for next year once everything else was done. You ordered one for him so you could both fight over it versus the lawnmower when you found a way to bring it over, that was another expense that could wait til later, and you didn't realize you were smiling again until he walked back in and collapsed much too hard next to you. 

‘He can come tomorrow, someone canceled on him today so we lucked out,’ he informed you as he rubbed his sore butt from the fall, and you almost didn't catch it until your brain replayed what he'd said.

‘You lucked out, you mean,’ you corrected, and he winced at you as he stretched his long legs out in front of him

‘What?’

‘You said we lucked out, but you did, I'm not the one who lives here,’ you repeated, and he laughed a little as he brushed his bangs out of his eyes, his forehead shining from the sweat he'd been working up the past few hours. 

‘Oh yeah, I think I forgot that part,’ he chuckled softly, and the air changed a little as your forced humour turned to something just as soft. ‘You've been doing so much, I think I forgot… that you're not coming with me, when this is over, it just feels like you've always been here already.’ You couldn't speak, your heart pounding as he interpreted your expression as something negative. ‘Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot like that again-!’

‘No, you didn't, it’s just that… I just realized that I think I started moving in my stuff in my mind as I was cleaning,’ you admitted nervously, and he laughed a little more easily again as the summer breeze drifted in and filled the house with the smells of barbecues and fresh cut grass. ‘I mean, I don't need two couches all that much, you know I'm too busy to host movie nights, so if you wanted one you could have it…’

‘You sure? I really was looking forward to that sectional,’ he joked with a soft jab to your arm, which you returned with a blush.

‘I can always take it back when you find your dream couch, it'd give me an excuse to see how the place turned out.’

‘You won't visit before then?’ 

You found yourself lost for words, of course you'd visit when this was over and cleared up, but it was the way he'd said it, like he was worried it'd take a couch in order to get you back there. ‘Of course, you think I'm gunna miss out on your first movie night in your new place?’ you said as your voice clearly shook, but he didn't mention it as he laid back and stretched out his back over the hardwood. 

‘Good, I'll make extra dip that night so you can bring some home, as thanks,’ he already planned ahead, his eyes closed and unable to see the way you let your face crumble at the thought of having to leave again after all of this.

‘Well if that doesn't give me more incentive to lend it to you.’ You stood up, brushing off your pants and cracking your back before offering your hand to him. ‘Alright, that's enough sitting around, might as well get that frame built before it gets too late.’

‘Empty house with just a bed, someone might think I'm squatting,’ he snickered as you helped him stand, and when his torso hit your chest you didn't back away immediately.

‘Nonsense, there's some towels in the bathroom too,’ you said with a wink as you headed for the car, the two of you managing to haul the frame in yourself thanks to some determination and spare cardboard underneath the end dragging on the ground so his floors wouldn't get scratched.

You didn't get home until late, even more takeout bought just because you were too tired and achy to stand around and cook, absolutely not. He wasn't that happy about all the unhealthy eating he'd been doing lately so he ended up ordering a small vegetarian pizza while you secretly planned ahead and ordered a large deluxe with some chicken wings, his favourite sauce also picked out when he wasn't looking. The smell filled the car all the way home, and sure enough he didn't last long with the vegetarian when he caught sight of the deluxe taking up half the coffee table.

‘You're terrible, you know I'm trying to eat better,’ he grumbled as he reached for a slice, and you swatted at his hand before grabbing a second for yourself.

‘This is my dinner for the next three days, if you wanted this you should've asked for one,’ you said nonchalantly as you took a big, dramatic bite, Lester eyeing it before you could only take pity on him and move the box a little closer. He split his pizza with you as he picked off the toppings he didn't like to create the perfect combo of both, and you pretended you absolutely didn't grab his favorite sauce on purpose when he also gave in and stole some wings. 

You could get used to this, you really could as he moved to your couch to be closer to the pizza; he was closer to you than usual, even more than normal couch sharing standards, and you tried to keep your eyes on the screen as you reached for another slice. Your hand hit his as he grabbed another wing, both foods dropped as you apologized and looked at each other, but when his gaze lingered longer than usual, just like the closing space between you, you found yourself doing anything but looking away from his mouth. He was smiling at you, that kind, gentle smile you'd fallen in love with at Walkers all those months ago, and even though you knew he didn't need this, knew that this would only make things worse, you couldn't stop yourself when he closed his eyes and waited.

You jumped when your phone suddenly buzzed, Lester sitting back and putting some space between you again when you saw that it was Gwen on the caller ID. ‘I'm sorry, I gotta take this,’ you mumbled as he cleared his throat and went back to eating, your face hot and your frown deep as you locked yourself in your bedroom. ‘Hey, sorry, we're watching a movie,’ you said the moment she picked up, but she didn't seem to catch your tone when the sound of shuffling came through the speaker. 

‘That's fine, how's the house coming?’

‘It's all ready for him, w- he got it cleaned up today.’

‘...Were you there with him?’ She asked like she already knew, and you couldn't lie to her when the stakes were so high.

‘We were already in town to shop for a bed, we decided to go after he found one, get started on the cleanup right away,’ you explained, and her sigh was all the answer you needed. ‘I know, but you saw the place, it would've taken him forever to-’

‘That's not your concern, not right now. When is he moving in?’ she interrupted, and you looked at the closed door as the movie continued on the other side.

‘Soon, the fridge is busted and he needs a dresser along with food, we can d-’

‘He can do that, no more shopping together, no getting groceries together, tell him no the next time he asks. Now that we know it's you who's to say someone won't be able to stand up there and say they saw you arrive and leave together, while acting like a couple the entire time upon further reflection? You're smart, please don't make another stupid mistake like this again, for his sake.’ She fell silent as she let the words sink in, and you looked at his suitcases, left open while his clothes were stacked on your dresser to be a little neater, how he'd need to pack them up again within the week at this rate.

‘I won't, I'll tell him I have a case coming up so I'll be scarce, he'll be able to do the rest over the weekend,’ you decided solemnly, and she agreed with that before changing the subject.

‘I've been told that the hearing has been scheduled for two weeks from now, when the children are back in school, Rita apparently requested that they not be present, and yes, before you say anything, it'll probably be because they'll not only vouch for him, but also because they don't need to see their parents arguing to that degree,’ she sighed heavily, and you quickly entered the date into your phone before you realized that you would only be there as a witness, you had two weeks to tell him the truth before he found it out from her unless you preferred to lie to his face some more about your feelings.

‘I'll let him know, and he'll be moved by next week, he'll want to be at the thought of them visiting.’ She liked the sound of that and hung up, and you banged your forehead dully off the door before opening it up and finding him on the other side.

‘Sorry, you were taking so long, I wanted to make sure everything was okay,’ he said, and he either didn't hear the bump or was choosing to ignore it even though your forehead slightly throbbed.

‘That was Gwen, actually, the hearing is in two weeks, while Deni and Shaun should be in school,’ you informed him, and his smile grew so wide it made your heart break.

‘So we'll be able to get custody then?’ he asked excitedly, and you shook your head and took in a deep breath.

‘It all depends on how things turn out, if the judge is split then another one might be needed now that we know she might use your anger in her favour even though she was the one to hit you,��� you continued, and just the thought of this not working out was enough to bring him down again. ‘I know it seems bleak, but Les, I know that-’

‘What did you call me?’

‘Did I c-?’

‘Les, you said Les, don't call me that,’ he suddenly said as he stood to his full height, and you flubbed your apology enough times to make him sink down again. ‘Sorry, that's what Rita used to call me, I don't want to hear that name from you,’ he muttered, and before you could say anything else he headed back for the door. ‘I've got work tomorrow, I'll take the couch tonight, I'm too tired to drive all the way home.’

‘You'd leave just for that?’ you blurted out, your body moving on its own to block the doorway before you even knew what you were doing; he didn’t push you aside or get angry, but he did walk past until you had no choice but to let him through, your dinner forgotten on the table as you shut the door again the moment he sat down without saying anything more.

You kept your distance from each other the next day, him by leaving for work early, and then you by staying at work late. You left him a text saying you had your own big case coming up just as planned, but for once he didn’t reply other than to say he would be shopping so it’d be best if you found your own dinner. You ate at your desk as the sun set outside, nothing but old work you needed to sort through and properly file away on your docket as you nibbled away at cold pizza.

Once it hit the AMs you figured it was safe to go home, no matter where he slept you’d be able to avoid him if need be now that there was something off between you, and if you didn’t lay down somewhere and fast you were bound to either sleep at your desk or in your car. The drive home felt like an eternity but finally you made it, the house quiet and telling you that he was indeed asleep. You opened the door as quietly as you could, all the lights off as you traversed the long trek to your couch when you didn’t see him on it; you were about to lay down when you saw the paper on the coffee table, the words completely unintelligible in the dim light. You held it up to your face until it came into focus, your eyes taking it in several times before you dropped it and rushed to your bedroom.

You threw open the door to find the room empty, his suitcases packed and your bed made, no Lester in sight. You went back to the note and read it again with the lights on, your face contorting in misery as you sank into the cushions. It said that he’d grabbed the last of his needed furniture that trip, so there was no need for him to steal your bed or couch for another night. He thanked you for your help, and he’d pay you back for everything else at the end of the month, and there was no goodbye, just his name at the bottom. You woke up your phone to see if he’d left you any texts or voicemails but there was nothing, he’d gone shopping and then that was it.

This was for the best, you were never meant to go with him and he was never meant to stay, now he could focus on his family again without you there to distract him. You’d helped as much as he could and now he could take care of the rest by himself, he was a grown man, he needed you as a friend, not a roommate, not a partner, definitely not as a lover, everything could move forward again now. 

‘At least I can come home tomorrow,’ you figured aloud as you turned the light back off, your shoes and coat left in the middle of the living room as you shed each. ‘I can make my own dinners again, sleep in my own bed, everything is back to normal.’ You shut your bedroom door and locked it, no need to keep it open when there was no one to walk in, your bed looking a little too made as you yanked the comforter free and sent the pillows flying. ‘No more suitcases on my floor that’ll make me trip in the middle of the night, and no more ties getting stuck in my dryer because he doesn’t know how to do fucking laundry.’

You picked up your pillows and threw them back into place, your face betraying you as you attempted to force a smile and only ended up accelerating the misery. You angrily wiped at your eyes before climbing into bed, your position changing from your left side as you faced the empty space beside you, to your right where you wouldn’t eventually feel his arm wrap around your waist, to your back as you stared up at the ceiling. You blinked and more tears fell but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he did this to you after everything you’d done for him, your hands wet as you repeatedly tried to dry your eyes.

‘Couldn’t even say goodbye to me before you left, you bastard,’ you swore to the ceiling, the space beside you feeling bigger and bigger until you felt encompassed by it. ‘You said I was the only one who didn’t leave you, why’d you throw me away, wh- no. He’s the one who left, and he didn’t even leave, he went home. That was never here, I knew this was coming, I knew…’ Your words echoed off the walls above you, reminding you even more that you were alone, and that across town he was feeling the same, and would feel the same until he was able to have his custody confirmed.

This wasn't about you, or what you’d done for him, or your feelings. This was about him, his marriage ending, and his upcoming battle for his children. That’s what it’d always been about, you’d just forgotten between him admitting that he’d almost wanted you to move in with him and you nearly kissing him again on the couch.

You rolled onto your stomach and shut your eyes tight as you tried not to remember it, that had to have been why he’d left, you’d told him you had no feelings for him and yet you’d still leaned in of your own volition that second time. He’d seen right through you, and then you’d proceeded to call him by the nickname his wife used, how many more ways could you have fucked this up? You didn’t scream into your pillow, you were too old for that now, but you might’ve raised your voice into it a little as you curled up and felt just how cold the bed was without him.

You changed your grocery day to Monday so there was no chance of running into him again, you needed to give him space after such a big mistake, but you knew you couldn’t keep it up as soon as you stepped foot into the store and knew that he wouldn’t be waiting for you both inside and at home. You promptly walked back out and found another, their stock not as good and their prices a bit higher, but this would have to become your new regular. It was at least a bit closer to home, and still very far from his house, so even if he had the same idea there’d still be no risk of him finding you here on a Monday.

You missed your Caramel Pecan as you unpacked your food, this place not having its own dessert counter since it focused mainly on brands, nothing fresh made in-store, and you definitely felt the dent in your wallet as you found yourself with barely enough to restock after the missed week of not wanting to see him again and just not getting yourself any new food. You wondered if maybe you might need to cut back to two or less trips a month with this new place, honestly you’d only started going every week in order to see him in the first place, he’d always gone through food faster since he was buying for four, maybe this would be less painful on your finances going forward.

This really would be for the best to get back to normal you decided as you made yourself something for dinner, and when you sat down in front of the TV to enjoy it you ignored all the commercials about back to school sales.

You were at work when you got the reminder for the hearing, it going off in the middle of a meeting and forcing you to remember that you’d completely forgotten to silence your phone before entering the room. Your expression went from embarrassment to concerned sadness at the popup, your boss asking if you were done as you just stared at your screen.

‘Uh, yeah, sorry about that,’ you apologized as you turned it off and got back to listening, your hand on your pocket for the entire rest of the meeting.

As soon as it was done you headed for the privacy of your office and shut the door, Gwen already dialed the moment it clicked into place. She didn’t pick up right away, she was probably busy, but the moment she did she was quick to tell you it wasn't a good time.

‘I don’t care, I need to be there tomorrow,’ you said as fast as you could, your knees giving out at the realization that you’d actually planned on saying you wouldn’t come, that you couldn’t, that you’d just be a liability. The words had fallen from you faster than you could think, and you put her on speaker and collapsed into your chair when you nearly dropped your phone. ‘I tried, I really did, but I need to know how this ends.’

‘I really can’t talk about this right now-’

‘But I need to! I’ve been trying not to think about it, just get back to normal, but every time I imagine him out there in front of everyone I just- he said everyone else left, I don’t want him to be alone tomorrow, I can’t do that to him, Gwen, I just can’t.’ Your face fell into your hand, your shoulders hunched as you gripped your chair and tried not to let everyone see outside your door how much this one person and his troubles were affecting you, and she sighed before speaking again.

‘And if tomorrow ends up like we discussed?’

‘Then I’ll deal with that too, with or without him.’ You heard another sigh, but even if she were to have you banned from the building somehow you knew you’d find your way into this, no matter if Rita had you called up there as her main proof or not.

‘Fine, I’m not your mother, but be prepared for anything,’ she warned before hanging up, she really didn’t have time for more, and you didn’t call back again as you gave yourself a minute to just breathe. She was right, you really needed to be prepared, and you were; as a lawyer you always went to the worst possible solution and planned ahead to avoid that, and that had treated you well in both your career and life until you’d met him. Before then, you never would’ve stayed the moment Rita gave you that look. You wouldn’t have gone back for movie night, and you certainly wouldn’t have invited him over.

But there was something about him that kept disarming you, that brought your guard down and made you believe that nothing bad would happen if you just went with his flow, and now look where you’d made him end up. You wouldn’t do that tomorrow, in fact you’d be the most You you’d been in months for him in order to make sure this went as smoothly as possible. You wouldn’t react with or to him at all, or anything concerning him as you sat on his side of the court. You wouldn’t speak out of turn no matter what she said, and you definitely wouldn’t speak to him.

And if they did indeed find it necessary to call in witnesses to prove their statements, then you would swallow down your feelings as deep as they would go and prove to everyone that you really were just his friend and that she was wrong, because that was the truth.

You couldn’t concentrate after that, needing to call in early to head home and prepare, and you spent the entire rest of the day picking out your outfit for tomorrow, setting way too many alarms, and preparing a king’s feast of food to bring to his house no matter the outcome; you knew it wouldn’t help, but if it went in her favour then you knew he’d spiral again, lose all hope for the future, and you would not let him do that alone. You packed it all into a bunch of tupperware you rarely used outside of work lunches and stuffed it into the fridge, and by the time that, a change of outfit just in case, and a shower were finally over you ended up tired and ready for bed.

You set one more alarm and placed your phone on your nightstand before attempting to sleep, your eyelids heavy but refusing to stay closed as you went over everything a hundred more times. Your mind was fully racing in the dark and quiet when your phone buzzed and lit you up, and you considered ignoring it before accepting that maybe a little eye strain might work in your favour. You grabbed it and tapped the screen to check the notification, all the tired leaving your body when you saw what was waiting for you.

Lester Billings says: I miss you

You swallowed as you rolled onto your stomach, your phone taking up your pillow as you propped yourself up on your elbows. ‘It’s been lonely here, I won’t lie,’ you said aloud as you typed, and you almost deleted it before pressing send. Three dots bounced at the bottom of the message as he typed back, your back aching from the angle but you refused to move as the next words popped up.

I haven’t been able to sleep since I got here This mattress isn’t very comfortable

You let out a small laugh, your eyes already starting to cloud as you rested your chin on the end of the pillow before your hands. ‘I knew you picked too soon, you should’ve tried out more.’

I should’ve gotten your opinion Your bed is comfier

You shut your eyes tight and buried your face in the pillow a moment, another ping making you look up again when the pillow started to wetten.

Will you be there tomorrow

‘Yes,’ you answered immediately, your back still aching as you readjusted and typed as fast as you could, ‘if you want me to be, I wasn't sure after you left so suddenly.’ You sent it before you could even think to type something else, your eyes widening in fear at this confession, and when more dots bounced you closed your eyes so you wouldn’t see his answer. Your phone buzzed but you waited for as long as you could before opening them again, a small noise leaving you as you read.

I thought you wanted me to go

‘What? No,’ you told your phone, and you sat up to call him only for him to decline it. ‘I never wanted you to go, I’m sorry if I rushed you,’ you hurriedly sent, and there was a bit of a pause before his next reply.

You told Gwen you’d lie to me Said I’d be out by the end of the week I thought you didn’t want me there

You tried again to call him but he again declined, and you were in the middle of typing out the explanation when he messaged you again first.

I can’t sleep I want to see you Can you come over Yes.

You didn’t even change out of your pajamas as you kicked off the blankets and hurried for the door, your car started by the time you slipped into the one pair of sandals that you owned but never wore. You almost forgot to lock up you were in such a hurry, the streets thankfully almost empty as you fought not to speed to him. The lights were all off and his car was in the driveway, the yard now cleaned up while he was there since you guessed he also needed the distraction. Your hand was raised to knock when the door opened, and there he stood, in pajama pants and an undershirt, his hair a mess and bags under his eyes as he looked down at you.

‘Lester, I-’ you began before he pulled you into a tight hug, and you had no one to hide from as you nuzzled into his shoulder and held him just as tightly back. He led you inside, the door locked behind you, you weren’t going home, and you tossed your keys onto the kitchen counter just out of reach before following him to the bedroom. He’d bought himself a dresser in your absence, all of his clothes tucked neatly inside so his suitcases could finally be retired, and his bed looked big and lonely and not as comfortable as it did when you’d helped him set it up.

‘It’s not as comfortable as yours,’ he repeated quietly, his first words to you since he’d slept on your couch that final time, and you grabbed his hand and gently pulled him towards it.

‘Let me get that second opinion, then,’ you whispered, and when you kneeled onto the mattress you sank right down. You laid to his right, the two of you on your backs with space between as you stared at the ceiling, the comforter trapper underneath you but also unneeded in the summer heat, his AC must also not be working that well. You noticed he had his window open to let in the breeze, and you breathed deep when the wind blew the curtains open a little more. ‘It’s not that bad,’ you finally decided, and he turned to look at you before rolling onto his side.

‘Why did you want me to go?’ he asked without wasting another second, and you shut your eyes before rolling to face him.

‘I never did, it was Gwen, she was worried someone might think that I- that we…’

‘That you were the one Rita was worried about, I get it,’ he realized, but he didn’t look very relieved. ‘I had a feeling, but I wish you’d have told me, I really thought that you were… leaving me too.’

‘I was supposed to keep my distance from you, that was her legal advice, for me to not be seen with you and make anyone think we were together,’ you admitted now that you could, and again he looked like he understood but that that didn’t help it hurt any less. ‘But hanging out with you, going shopping and then cleaning this place up, I didn’t know how to stay away, and I knew if I couldn’t pull this off then it’d only hurt you in the end.’

‘To tell you the truth, I’d have rather been kicked out for that than spend the past two weeks thinking no one wanted me in their life anymore.’ His voice was low, and he was mostly in shadow, but you could still see him crying as he closed his eyes, and when you touched his cheek to wipe the tears away he held your hand in place. ‘I haven’t been alone since Rita and I moved in together, and even before then I always had my family or my roommates; I don’t know how to do this on my own…’

‘You’re not, I’m here, I’ll always be here, because that’s what friends are for,’ you murmured as you brushed your thumb over his cheek to collect the next tear before it hit his nose, and he choked out a small laugh before holding you hand to his chest.

‘I love you,’ he told you then, and you were just about to say it back when he continued. ‘You might be the best friend I’ve ever had, maybe even better than Rita was to me, I’m so glad I met you.’

‘Y-yeah, I’m glad too.’ You were never supposed to be in this part of his life. You were the reason this was happening. He would never feel the same. ‘Do you think you’re ready to get some sleep, now? Big day tomorrow, after all.’

‘I can try, now that you’re here,’ he smiled before getting up to pull the comforter free, and you masked your pain with a smile of your own as you laid back against his chest, his arm around your waist and his soft snores telling you it’d worked again not too long after. You wiped away your tears before placing your hand over his, the cicadas crying outside for you as you also drifted off with the breeze.

Your many alarms came in handy, the first failing to wake either of you in your exhaustion. It was the third that worked since they were so close together, this one making you crack open an eye to check the time instead of just to find the device and shut it up. Your heart raced as the adrenaline woke you fully, and his arm was still around you as you tried to sit and get him up. Seeing him there, still sleeping so peacefully gave you pause however, you’d really missed this sight, but it wasn't yours to keep, he’d sleep better when his kids were able to visit, this was the last time.

You swallowed it down and gave him a shake, Lester startling awake and blinking around in confusion, but when he saw you there, looking down at him with the sunlight streaming in and the wind pushing aside the curtains to cool the room a little more, he actually looked like he… 

He didn’t, he couldn’t, he’d said so already, and you held up your phone so he could see the time. ‘I’ve gotta head back and get ready, today’s the day,’ you whispered as his loving smile faded, and it was replaced with a serious expression as he nodded and sprung into action. He also had his outfit prepared, one of his nicer suits for work, the one he’d been wearing when you first met him you realized as he held it up and transferred it from his closet to the end of his bed while he picked out a tie.

‘You should’ve brought your clothes, we could’ve gone in together,’ he said as he looked between the red and the blue patterned ties he was torn between, and you froze as you straightened your shirt before another smile was forced.

‘I’m supposed to not add any fuel to the fire, that would’ve set everything ablaze,’ you chuckled a bit sadly, and he gave you a small look before holding the red up to his chest to look at in his dresser mirror.

‘I don’t care anymore, she can think what she wants, I don’t see her standing here with me. Which one do you like better? I can’t decide and I’ll end up without one if you leave.’ He held both up for you to see, and you decided on the blue after imagining it along with his suit. ‘Thank you, I was thinking the same but I wasn't sure.’

He set it down with his suit and moved onto some socks and other things to pull on after his shower, so you took that as your cue to leave as you slipped past him and headed for the door. Now that it was bright out you could see that he’d really only gotten the dresser and a new fridge, the old stove still in place and everything else unnecessary and just cutting into his finances for now, and you couldn’t help but think that your second couch would fit perfectly in the space against the wall leading to the bedrooms. You located your keys and stepped back into your sandals before opening the door to leave, and you were just about to walk through the threshold when his hands found you again.

They both slipped around your waist, holding you in place and keeping you there with him for just a moment longer, and you spun in his arms in order to hug him back when he surprised you with a kiss to your forehead. It was the first kiss he’d initiated, a show of thanks for coming over and clearing the air, and while it was still platonic as needed it made you wish you could have more all the same, your hands finding his chest, then his shoulders before you pulled him into his hug.

‘I’ll see you there, I wouldn’t miss this for the world,’ you whispered against his chest, and his right hand found the back of your neck before he let you go.

‘See you there,’ he repeated back to you, and then you were leaving, the shape of him on the other side of the glass blurry as he watched you go until your car was pulling out of his driveway.

You hurried home, no time to waste this morning, and you left your car idle and unlocked as you ran inside and had the quickest shower known to man. You got dressed even faster, you didn’t need to be there for hours but you couldn’t stay in your home knowing this was coming, the plan to have some breakfast and coffee at the shop just down the street from the courthouse. You went to check your phone to see if Gwen had said anything when you remembered you’d left it in your car, and you were thankful you lived where you did as it hit you that you almost handed your entire car to potential thieves.

It wouldn’t have mattered, you’d have found a way over regardless, and you hopped back into the seat and headed over for that breakfast before your body decided that you were much too nervous to eat. Parking was thankfully available despite the location thanks to the early hour, and you tossed a bunch of change into the meter before walking in and finding yourself a seat by the window. It was a quaint little place, you knew of it but had never been in before, and it was decently busy with what had to be its regulars as they all chatted and filled the room with light conversation.

‘Can I start you off with a coffee this morning?’ a young man in his what had to be his late 20s asked not too long after you sat down, and you stared at the menu he offered before taking it and ordering your usual blend. ‘We’re doing a special today, couples get their second breakfast half off if there’s anyone else joining you today?’

‘No, I’m not waiting for anyone, thank you,’ you murmured even as you glanced out the window like you were, just to watch for when he’d arrive, and your server nodded and didn’t even miss a beat.

‘Guess I don’t need to tell you that groups get their own discount, then,’ he attempted to joke, and you glanced up at him and his sweet grin that relaxed you enough to smile genuinely back.

‘No, I guess you don’t,’ you answered before finally going to the menu, and you ordered yourself a light breakfast to ease your hungry but also very worried stomach while you waited. He wrote it down, took the menu back, and headed for the kitchen to drop it off, your eyes catching sight of his haircut pulled back into a small ponytail before he disappeared from sight. You went back to your window as you waited for your coffee, and it’d just been placed in front of you when the bell above the door jingled and alerted him to the new person he’d have to talk to.

To your surprise they sat down across from you, and you looked up to see that it was Rita. Your entire body tensed as you failed not to glare, and he looked between the two of you before asking if you knew each other.

‘Not particularly,’ you said through gritted teeth, but she wasn't fazed by your new anger as she just ordered a mint tea and black coffee to go along with two bagels, one raisin with butter and one everything with cream cheese, obvious breakfast for her and whoever she hired to take Lester’s kids from him. You wished you could secretly tell your server to spit in her tea before you calmed and collected yourself, you were an adult, not a child as he walked away to grab everything for her, and she remained across from you as she folded her hands over the table.

‘I assume I don’t need to ask why you’re so close to the courthouse this morning,’ she remarked as she also looked out the window, and you shook your head slowly as you continued your fight to not add more fuel to the fire. ‘Is he meeting you here?’

‘No, I came in to have breakfast alone,’ you replied levelly, you wouldn’t give in to her provoking now that you both knew what she thought of you.

‘No time to do it at home?’ She was probing you to make you slip, probably to bring this back to her lawyer as just a little extra last minute kindling, and you shook your head and sipped at your coffee. ‘I heard he was able to find a place already, does he really think that I’ll let him see our children after this?’ Stay calm, you still had yet to confirm anything about her theories, just ignore her. ‘Because I won’t, not after what he did. I brought a picture of our wall to show the judge today, if such a sweet man can do that to the wall then how long will it be before he’s hurting my children?’

‘Tha-’ You cut yourself off so fast you nearly spilt your coffee, your hands grasped so hard around the cup that it was burning your palms, and you didn’t miss her expression as she smugly got out her buzzing phone.

‘Right on time,’ she said as she stood, your server waiting for her at the counter as he popped the lids onto her drinks. ‘I’ll see you inside, I’m sure the judge will be thrilled that you didn’t hide from this.’

‘I’m not hiding from anything,’ you snapped before you could stop, your eyes only on her as she stopped and looked back at you.

‘Good, that’ll make things so much easier.’

You didn’t look at her as she picked up her food and walked out, your burning hands pressed to the cold wood to cool them down as you glared at your cup, your shoulders so tense that the pain traveling up your neck was about to give you a headache. You didn’t move apart from finding new cold places on the table until your breakfast arrived, but you felt even less hungry than before despite your server’s wishes to enjoy. It took you until your eggs had stopped steaming before you attempted to eat, but every thought went back to her and how she was probably telling her lawyer all about your eventual appearance before them all. 

As such you ate slow, the time ticking away as the roads filled out and the sun rose higher; people flooded the streets and avoided your gaze as you searched for a familiar navy car, and the only thing that made you snap out of your search was your phone reminding you that your meter was about to run out. ‘Shit, I’ll be right back, need to put more money in,’ you told your server as he went to pass, and you left your phone on the table as collateral after pointing out your car through the window. You raced out, barely avoiding two old ladies currently walking by, and fished for more change when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

‘Looks like we’re early,’ Lester said behind you, and when you turned you saw Gwen beside him, her face very stern at the fact that he was already standing too close to you. ‘You just finish?’

‘I’ve still got half a plate, just needed to refill this,’ you let him know as you loaded up the meter as high as it would go, and he smiled warmly at you as you led him inside. Your server looked between you all and you asked for two more menus after thanking him for his patience, and just as you made room for him to sit beside you you found Gwen sliding into the space instead. He sat across from you, right where Rita had been not an hour earlier, and he looked nervous but also calm as he opened the menu and started choosing. ‘Looks like you can give us that breakfast talk now,’ you joked at your server, and he readied his notepad as he recalled the deal.

‘Since you haven’t paid yet I’ll count this as a group, but since families and friends have been stopping in together leading up to the start of school we have a deal going on, groups of three and up get a 20% discount off their total, and a 30% discount if you order the Back to School Special,’ he explained, Gwen clearly not listening but Lester paying attention fully as he set the menu down.

‘What’s that?’

‘It used to just be for kids, but everyone started ordering it, so- excuse me, it includes three meats, three eggs, home fries, toast, and a free glass of juice or milk, everything a growing kid needs before a busy day at school,’ he told him, and Lester smiled wide and asked for just that, his drink of choice orange juice since lactose tended to upset him in large amounts and he was feeling sick enough already. It was too much information and it made you smile fondly as your server let out a laugh he then quickly stifled as he took his menu back.

‘I’ll just have the coffee and brown sugar oatmeal, thanks,’ Gwen said as she handed her own menu back, the folder she’d been holding now open and taking up the available space the moment he left you. ‘I figured out who her lawyer is when we parked, I’d know that car anywhere, belongs to a scrappy kid who’s been known to hire people to help him get dirt on his opposition,’ she told you as she flipped to a page he needed to fill out while they had time, one final thing to prove that he had a suitable house and a steady income now that both things were true. 

‘Should we be worried about him then?’ you asked as he signed, and she bit her thumbnail as she frowned at the table, the most emotion she’d shown over this case other than the realization that you were the assumed lover.

‘I’m not sure, you haven’t spent any more time together lately, have you?’ she hissed under her breath, and you pictured yourself going to his house but recalling that no one had been around thankfully.

‘No, not since he moved,’ you lied, and she nodded to herself as he finished up and slid the folder back over.

‘All she has is speculation, so focusing on proving that you deserve joint custody is all that matters today,’ she decided, and Lester breathed a little unsteadily before his breakfast arrived. He thanked your server and dug right in, his nerves making him eat faster than he should’ve as you’d come to expect, and you went to reach for his hand to make him aware that he should slow down when you felt Gwen nudge your foot. She did so instead, and he drank half his orange juice to wash it all down, the glass thankfully not kid-sized as he went back to eating. ‘It’ll be okay, let’s just focus on saving this marriage and getting your kids back right now.’

‘Oh, I don’t want to save this marriage,’ he suddenly said around a mouthful of overly jammed toast, and your head shot up so fast in hope that your already stiff neck ached in protest. ‘No, I thought I did at first, but she can have her divorce, I just want my kids back, that’s all that matters to me now.’

You ignored the nudge this time as you held his hand, proud of him for being able to let go of such a long relationship now that it’d turned to this, he was aware that what they had was gone and that it would be different if they tried to reconnect. You gave him a reassuring smile that it’d be okay going forward now, he didn’t have to try and mend what she’d broken, and he returned it before the actual kick to your leg made you let go. He went back to eating, his pace normal and not bound to make him sick now, and you knew you couldn’t let him hear what you needed to tell the woman beside you. 

You got out your phone and quickly typed out a message to her, her phone pinging and making her grab it from her purse until she saw it was from you. She frowned but opened it all the same just to see that you’d said Rita talked to you, and you both knew you couldn’t ditch him to talk this time, not this close to the courthouse. She tapped back a quick reply which you answered just as fast, the two of you secretly typing under the table as he ate and watched the people go by, completely unaware of the reason why Gwen then sighed into her oatmeal.

She put away her phone, she wasn't too worried since his kids were his main priority, and quickly finished up her meager breakfast as a clock nearby chimed loudly. ‘We need to head over soon, it’s almost time,’ she reminded you both as you cleared your plates, and as soon as the bill was settled between the three of you you all headed out for the courthouse.

‘Oh wait, lemme fill the meter more, just in case,’ you said when you realized you didn’t know how long this would take since there was a lot to go over, and you let them go on ahead to Gwen’s preference as you fished for more coins to replace the time you’d spent inside.

‘Got some change to spare?’ someone asked as you found a quarter, and you frowned when you turned to see an unfamiliar face to this area approach you with an outstretched hand.

‘Yeah, uh, just let me do this first,’ you answered warily before filling the meter back up, a $5 bill added to your hand of remaining change so the man could get something to eat.

‘Thanks, you’re the first person all morning who’s given me the time of day,’ he told you almost sleazily as he counted the change, his eye on the seat you’d just vacated through the window as your server cleared your plates. ‘Heard this place is good, you just come from breakfast?’

‘Yeah, the coffee is cheap, so that should be good for a cup and something to eat,’ you replied, ready to walk away when he carefully sidestepped into your path.

‘That’s what I heard, yeah, anything you can suggest?’

‘I have somewhere I need to be, if you’ll excuse me,’ you tried to say without provoking him, everyone else giving you a wide berth as he stood in front of you again, and your eyes narrowed as you looked him over and realized he was dressed a little too well to be homeless.

‘Oh, of course, I was just wondering if you knew that guy you were with was a cheater, doesn’t make for a very good breakfast date.’

You froze as he grinned at you, your phone coming out to quickly text Gwen as he pocketed your change and crossed his arms. ‘I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?’ you asked as you typed, and he glanced at it before smiling for the camera in case you were taking a picture or video of him, he’d done this before.

‘You can call me Harley, you checking with that hot lawyer friend of yours to make sure I won’t be trouble?’ he asked as he tried to see your phone, and you held it to your chest seconds before her voice rang out. He heard her and spun to see her running back over, Lester waiting on the steps of the courthouse for you, and Harley grinned at you again before finally getting out of your way and heading down the street into a large crowd. He was gone instantly, Gwen out of breath as she arrived and made sure everything was okay.

‘I’m fine, but I think that might’ve been her lawyer,’ you figured as you turned back to see only strangers.

‘No, that wasn't him, but he might’ve been the guy he hired this time to follow Lester, have you seen him before?’

‘No, never, this was the first,’ you thought as you desperately searched your mind for any sign of him, but there was nothing, even though something about him felt so strangely familiar that you couldn’t place no matter how hard you tried.

‘C’mon, it’s starting in ten, we need to get in there,’ she said as she placed a hand on your back, and you crossed the street to where he was waiting nervously.

‘What happened?’ he asked as soon as you reached him, and you made sure to keep some space between you as you fixed yourself up a little.

‘Some creep asked me for change, nothing to worry about,’ you lied, and you let them go in first several minutes before you entered the building. You’d been in there many times before for your own cases, you knew the exact way to go as you headed for the main court where this would be held, and sure enough there was no one on his side while a few of their friends as well as Rita’s parents sat on her side with her, baby Annie currently sleeping in her grandmother’s lap. You tried to avoid the front row but you couldn’t, not when all of them stared you down in disgust, they all believed her claims since you were new, and you ignored them as you broke your first rule and sat directly behind him and Gwen as she prepared her opening statement.

In order to not glare very unprofessional daggers at the people who’d once claimed to be his friends, you instead finally got a look at her lawyer, and you outwardly groaned so loud that he heard it; he turned to find the source, his grin very wide and blue eyes very wild as he whispered something to Rita that you couldn’t hear. She didn’t turn, but she did smile as she looked over the papers in front of her, and you leaned forward with a quick and quiet whistle to get Gwen’s attention.

‘Why didn’t you tell me she hired Matt?’ you hissed between your teeth, and she looked at you in surprise.

‘You know him?’

‘Yeah, the prick’s been vying for a promotion for years and stole so many cases from me and many others to try and get it, the guy’s an asshole,’ you sneered a little too loud, and you heard him snicker from his table across the way.

‘All the more reason you stay as uninvolved as possible going forward, don’t bring work into this,’ she warned very seriously, and you nodded as you sat back against the unforgiving bench. It wasn't too long after when the judge walked in, and you, Gwen, and Matt all rose before everyone else on instinct. You liked this judge, she was around your age and very beautiful, but she had a temper like fire when unfairness was found, and you knew if Matt tried anything she’d be fast to shut it down. You smirked at him as everyone sat again, she’d see through all of this and clearly favour Lester after all, you had nothing to worry about as you sat back and relaxed for the first time in weeks.

‘Good morning, Judge Burkhardt,’ Gwen said as she stood again after a moment, the hearing officially started as she addressed the woman sitting above you all. ‘I’m here today on behalf of my client, Lester Billings, who wishes to contend his ex-wife’s claim of full custody.’

‘I was under the impression we’d also be discussing his previous concerns about the separation, as well,’ the Judge wondered as she went over her own notes, Gwen shaking her head and presenting her with a copy of everything she’d been collecting the past few weeks.

‘That’s no longer a concern, what he does care about is the very real possibility of losing the ability to see his children,’ she clarified as she went back to her seat, Rita whispering something to Matt before frowning at Lester.

‘I’ve got it, I’ll handle it,’ you heard him whisper back to her, and you felt your moment of relaxation start to fade at the tone of his voice.

‘If that’s what he wishes, please proceed.’

‘Thank you, now, before Ms. Rothschild can tell you her reasons for this, let me explain to you the situation from my client’s end, before bias and misunderstandings come into play; what brought this about was a horrible lack of trust between two people who’ve been together for a very long time, and who knew each other for even longer. Where there should’ve been love, jealousy arose. When there should’ve been understanding, stubbornness had taken its place. And when it was time to listen, to believe what my client was saying, there was only refusal, leading to an argument that could’ve been very much avoided.’ Gwen looked to Lester for this final part, and he covered his eyes with his hands as the guilt resurfaced once more.

You wanted so badly to go to him again but you couldn’t, the partition separating you from him feeling more like a sprawling chasm in order to stop the Judge from believing what Matt was bound to say next. So you remained seated, your hands clasped tightly in your lap as the Judge listened and read over everything Gwen had collected about that night.

‘Mistakes were made on both ends, but he doesn’t deserve to be punished with such severity, not when he loves his children this much. This is a man who can’t live without the love of his family, and if that’s taken away from him, then I fear that it’ll affect not only them as they grow up without their father, even if Ms. Rothschild does decide to remarry in the future, but also Mr. Billings as well. Thank you.’ She went back to her seat, Lester’s eyes sad but his smile thankful for what she was doing for him, and she stopped him from looking back at you as Matt loudly cleared his throat and took his turn.

‘What my client is here today to achieve is not just the separation of two people whose relationship has fallen by the wayside, but to terminate an agreement that was so blatantly broken. To allow someone who would disregard the feelings of others to that degree, and then proceed to take his anger out on her when called out on it, would be a serious risk to the children as the younger ones grow and develop.’ You grabbed onto the bench and dug your nails into the wood until it hurt as Matt strolled casually in front of the Judge while he spoke, his eyes occasionally drifting to you as he fought not to smile just because he knew you were the cause of it all.

‘I see here Mr. Billings became violent?’ the Judge confirmed, and Matt nodded in fake solemness as he went back to his table.

‘Punched a wall, their bedroom wall right next to her to be precise, so who’s to say he wasn't aiming for her and simply missed?’

‘I didn’t!’ Lester spoke up, the Judge giving him a warning look for speaking out of turn but ultimately not calling him out while also letting Matt continue.

‘In this picture my client has provided, you can see the actual indent where he made contact, note the sunken area from his knuckles, I know I wouldn’t want my kid to be anywhere near someone like that,’ he said a bit too casually as he shared the photo with her, only to receive his own visual warning for not taking this seriously. ‘Anyway, my point is that Mr. Billings is a liar, a cheat, and now, as of that night, prone to violent tendencies as well, which, if everyone may agree with me, is not a very suitable lifestyle when raising children.’

A chorus of agreements came from her side of the room, and you actually opened your mouth that time before shutting it tight and biting your lip. Matt collected his photo and went to sit back down, but not before shooting you a glance, and you were glad he worked on another floor than you because you were about to plan ahead and trash his office come Monday. He relished in your expression and sat back down again, the Judge going over the papers in front of her before looking forward again.

‘It says here that the main cause of separation was cheating, but according to his report he claims that to be the misunderstand that’s been mentioned; I know it doesn’t matter in the end since this seems to be mutual at this stage, but I feel like it would be better going forward to have this addressed so as to not give the children a skewed opinion of their father, if you don’t mind,’ the Judge said with a frown as she looked between both parties, and you quietly let out a calm breath while you mentally prepared yourself for what was to come.

‘It’s fine by us, Ms. Rothschild was looking forward to this getting cleared up,’ Matt loudly proclaimed so there’d be no chance you didn’t hear it, Gwen not as loudly agreeing as the Judge nodded and motioned for them to proceed. ‘Ms. Rothschild, if you would kindly take the stand so everyone can hear your side of things.’

‘This isn’t a trial, she can stay where she is,’ the Judge was quick to correct, but Matt’s smile was still wide as he looked back at his audience.

‘Yes, but we’ve also brought in some… ex-mutual friends of theirs who’d like to back up her claims, if you don’t mind,’ he informed her, and she considered it before deciding it might help to get their outsiders opinions even though you knew they were bound to side entirely with her until the truth became skewed even more, this wasn't fair. ‘Thank you, Your Honour; Rita, if you’d please?’

She stood and walked over to the stand, the bailiff overseeing everything shrugging before bringing over the court’s bible and having her say her oath of truth before returning to his spot. ‘Well, I’d say it started a few months back, when he returned from getting groceries. We decided that that would be his thing since I’d be at home watching Annie after preschool, and it was just easier for him to do it on his way home,’ she began, your eyes switching between her and Lester as he listened intently. ‘It was subtle at first, he’d get home a little later, something new would be in his cart that I hadn’t asked for, but it wasn't until he started talking about them that I knew something was wrong.’

You saw him open his mouth to object but Gwen silenced him, this was her time to talk, he would get his soon enough.

‘It was so little I barely noticed, just some dinner conversation as everyone talked about their day, but when they kept getting brought up, not just on Thursday but throughout the week, and then when my daughter asked for some friends to sleep over now that summer had started, he ended up turning it into this big party. We’ve thrown them before, we’re very social people, but there was something about this one that felt off, like it was just an excuse to get as many people there as possible.’ 

She paused, looking troubled as she thought back to it, and you hadn’t known that the party you’d been invited to was actually just supposed to be for her, that explained why so many of them had stayed when they went in for the night. 

‘But I knew something was wrong when he brought home that cheesecake, neither of us even like Caramel Pecan, and I tried to excuse it like maybe he’d gotten it for the girls, or maybe he was trying something new, but the moment I saw him give them a piece I knew it. I knew that there was something going on behind my back.’

The Judge frowned but didn’t say anything, murmurs drifting over from your right, and you looked at Lester as he and Gwen said something so quiet you couldn’t hear a single word even from that close. ‘A gift for the secret lover, was it?’ Matt asked like he didn’t already know the answer, and Rita nodded as she shot you a cold look.

‘And it wasn't just that, he also had them sit next to him while we watched movies, and I watched as he grabbed them around the waist and threw them into the pool so they could flirt not just in front of me but in front of all our friends, like he was flaunting the fact that he’d found someone else at me,’ she continued angrily, her voice rising as she turned her attention to him, and he tried again to speak only to be silenced. ‘He kept inviting them to our house after that, kept throwing parties of various sizes and always inviting them even though they barely knew each other, and they didn’t come often but whenever they did his eyes were always on them, I saw him do it.’

Your mouth fell open as you let out a soft gasp, and Lester stared straight ahead at her, completely ignoring you as you tried to think of him watching you while you were around, but you’d always tried so hard to keep it platonic, to not overstep any boundaries and stay out of that part of his life, had he really been looking at you the entire time?

‘That was when you decided to ask him about it, right before your vacation, correct?’ Matt asked like this was the best drama he’d ever gotten to witness because she was talking about you, someone he personally knew and contended against.

‘Correct, I didn’t want to go anywhere with him if he’d be thinking about someone else, and I certainly didn’t want to risk him inviting them along on our family vacation.’

‘Was there ever an actual concern about that?’ the Judge interrupted, and Rita shrugged before nodding.

‘Yes, at one point he asked if maybe we should let the kids bring one friend each so they could have more fun, teased about asking the Himuras since Deni is friends with their daughters, but it was the way he said it, like he wanted to ask someone but not them, that this was just another excuse, and that’s when I asked him to be honest with me about the cheating.’ Lester was shaking his head as she spoke, but whether it was because she was wrong or if he regretted what he said because it was true made you unsure of everything you believed before you walked through those doors.

‘And we know how that turned out; he denied your claims, refused to name the lover himself, and when you refused to say it he became violent-’

‘Objection, Mr. Billings told me explicitly that he never answered her questions in her favour because he wasn't aware of what she was even talking about, because this is all just assumptions and slander,’ Gwen interrupted heatedly, she also knew what he’d said and this was making her lose control of her emotions in your stead. 

‘He didn’t answer because he’d been caught and didn’t want to admit it and you know it,’ Matt said dismissively with a sneer, the Judge banging her gavel just once to quiet him when she remembered there was a sleeping baby present. 

‘Sustained until proven otherwise, leave the judgment up to me, if you’ll please,’ she warned him, and he sat back and crossed his arms as Rita was encouraged to finish.

‘He did become angry when I wouldn’t tell him what he already knew, and when he hit the wall I felt unsafe for the first time around him,’ she concluded seriously, her parents glaring at him as Annie kept sleeping in blissful ignorance of the situation. ‘That was when I asked for custody, and kicked him out of our room. After that he began to stay elsewhere, I never looked him up.’

Matt chuckled to himself but didn’t say anything, and when you felt your skin crawl you noticed that he was staring at you again. ‘Thank you, and if it would please you, Your Honour, I would like to call some friends of theirs to the stand, to share what they saw as well and to prove that this isn’t just a bad take formed out of jealousy.’

‘I’ll allow it.’

You watched as the couple from movie night entered together, their own oaths spoken before they agreed that he’d been oddly close to you during the party, how he favoured you during movie night by making you extra dip even though he never once did that for any of them, and some of them he’d known since highschool. They hadn’t wanted to believe it, but something changed in him since you’d appeared in his life, a change you’d never noticed because you only saw this new him, apparently. You could almost cry, the way they were saying it could almost make you believe he’d fallen in love with you, to the point where you were genuinely unsure if Matt had coached them to say all this for Rita’s sake or if this was the truth.

‘Sounds pretty cut and dry to me, no further questions,’ Matt said as they sat down, and the Judge looked equally as convinced as she turned her attention back to Lester.

‘Indeed, but we still need to hear from Mr. Billings,’ she reminded everyone, and he was about to stand when Matt held up a hand to interrupt.

‘Actually, I’d also like to call a colleague of mine to the stand before we get to him,’ he told everyone, and you saw Gwen twitch just a little just as you yourself did. 

‘Is this colleague here?’ the Judge asked, and he nodded before whistling; the man from the street, Harley, then appeared from somewhere behind you, he’d been hiding out of sight and was holding a coffee and a manilla envelope as he walked up to Matt and handed it over. He opened it up, peeked inside, and grinned so excitedly that it almost made you sick as he then turned to you and motioned for you to come forward.

You stood and did as he asked, it was finally your turn, and Lester watched you go along with everyone else as you sat in the worn seat and tried to keep your breathing level. ‘Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?’ the bailiff asked you as your hand shook over the cover, and you looked to Lester before steeling your gaze in Matt’s direction, his expression telling you that he thought this would be not only his win but your loss, that maybe this would finally be enough to up his credit enough to join the big leagues, this imaginary promotion that’ll finally tell him he was a success.

‘I do,’ you replied honestly, and he shook his head in amused pity before removing the papers along with a phone from the envelope to lay out on the table. He stood again, he couldn’t remain seated with this, and he cracked his neck for show before jumping right into it.

‘Thursday, May 9th, that’s when you first met him, wasn't it?’ he asked smugly as he checked over his notes, the Judge the last to know that it was all leading up to this as she sat up a little straighter.

‘Yes, that was the day I first spoke to Le- Mr. Billings at Walkers,’ you confirmed professionally, determined to not make this any worse than it could be, you could do this.

‘But it wasn't until a few weeks later that you were invited to his home, correct?’

‘That’s right, you know a bunch of us were collaborating on the Krill case around that time, I wasn't able to get much shopping done with the late hours,’ you replied, and he hummed and flipped the page.

‘I remember, you guys stole that one from me,’ he muttered because he couldn’t help but let it out, and you tried not to smirk amidst your attempts to keep everything calm and collected. ‘So that means you only met twice before you became friends?’

‘I guess- I mean, yes, technically, but that second time we spent around 40 to 45 minutes getting to know each other, the first time he had to run home shortly after I met him.’

‘And you were unaware that he’d been bringing you up around his family and friends the whole time you were kept away by work?’

Your eye twitched as you glanced at the man in question, and you found a lovely section of wall to stare out down the aisle instead. ‘I was not, no.’

‘And you still accepted his invitation, despite meeting once pretty much?’ He was baiting you, and you very much knew it as you acquainted yourself with the wall in the distance.

‘He seemed pleasant enough, and I don’t meet many people outside of work, I thought it might be fun to give it a try,’ you rationalized in front of everyone, the other reason that you simply liked him and wanted to see him again obviously left out.

‘And the cheesecake…?’

‘We’d stopped by the dessert counter and they only sold it in full cakes, not slices, he bought it as incentive for me to join so I could have some, a friendly encouragement for me to accept,’ you explained, and Rita scoffed as the Judge raised her eyebrow at Lester. ‘At least, that’s what I assumed, he never said it in words.’ It was a lie, an actual lie, and you watched his expression change as he became unsure if he’d said that to you or not.

‘Which you did accept, in the end, did you not? Directly from him according to Rita,’ Matt confirmed, and you nodded as you recalled that night.

‘He was handing it out to not just me, but a few others as well, I wasn't a special case,’ you clarified as you remembered him grabbing several slices from both cheesecakes to hand out to those still sitting and getting ready for the movie. ‘And before you mention the pool, yes, he did throw me in, but by pushing me, not by grabbing me around the waist, I don’t know where she got that from. He pushed me, jumped in, and then others did as well, it was a pool party after all and now that all the kids were inside or asleep it was the adults’ turn to swim.’

Matt frowned as he went back to his notes, another page flipped to as your shoulders relaxed just a little again. ‘And the movie gathering, with the dip?’

‘I arrived late so I’d missed out on it, he made more so I could enjoy some as well, and when I got my portion it was shared with everyone else, if I’d arrived on time he more than likely would’ve kept watching the movie.’ You felt satisfied when you saw the couple nod like they’d forgotten that point, you were winning them over, and they looked at you a little less dirtily as you fought the urge not to smile. ‘He only kept inviting me to things because we only had time to socialize while we grocery shopped, which isn’t very good for a new friendship, this was his way of keeping us familiar and not just shopping strangers since he knew my weekdays were full, I’m sure you’d be more familiar with that if you had more clients.’

A faint snicker filled the room at your comment, Matt’s face going red before he got serious; he flipped ahead so fast he nearly tore the pages, and when he found what he was looking for he looked like he was the cat and you were the canary. ‘Keep it up while you can,’ he whispered before smiling at the Judge, Rita looking worried until she saw his expression. ‘Thursday, July 18th, almost an entire month after the divorce was called, you went back to his home to find him, did you not?’

The smile you didn’t realize you were wearing then started to fall, and you concentrated on your patch of wall again as you nodded. ‘I did, yes. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks and I was worried.’

‘Oh, just two? Wouldn’t he have been missing for a month?’ he quickly asked, looking like he’d caught you, and you nibbled your lip a moment in frustration.

‘I’d assumed he was on vacation, he’d told me about it and since I knew the kids were on holiday I just figured he was in California,’ you clarified even quicker, but he didn’t look convinced as he flipped to the next page.

‘Uh huh, according to Rita it says here that you asked for him specifically while in a panic, and when she informed you of his move you began banging on the door and asking about their children, you sound pretty invested for just a weekend friend,’ he pointed out as he turned on his heel to face everyone, and when you looked at Lester he looked just as surprised to hear this news as you were to hear about him watching you. 

‘It’d been two weeks and something felt wrong, I needed to make sure everything was okay,’ you told him, your eyes no longer finding the wall as he spun to face you, his low ponytail creating a flash of gold across his crisp black blazer. ‘And she hadn’t told me about the move until after she assaulted me via a slap to the face, as well as insinuated that I’d come there to steal him away. I would never, that had never been my intention.’

‘At first.’ Matt skipped almost giddily over to you before handing the Judge a bunch of papers and slamming one on the stand in front of you, and you frowned in confusion as you saw yourself in the photo; it was the night you’d met up with him again, the two of you hugging in his car, and you desperately tried to find the words as the Judge frowned disapprovingly. ‘You met up with him again at Walkers a week later, where you proceeded to not only pay for his groceries according to my sources, but also invite him back to your home to stay while he searched for a new residence, instead of his current hotel room, where does all that fit in with your intentions?’

He was positively smug as the Judge motioned for Gwen to approach as well, everyone else whispering to each other until Annie started to stir and forced them to be silent. ‘Did you know about this?’ she asked while Lester sat there uneasily, and Gwen reluctantly nodded while Matt failed to suppress another chuckle.

‘If they may explain, it was a rooming of convince, nothing more,’ Gwen said on your behalf, and the Judge looked to you before letting her go again so you could finish. 

‘I was simply extending some kindness to someone who’d gotten me out of the house more times than anything else in those couple months; I saw a friend in need, so I offered him my couch until he could find his own place, I’d figured it would’ve been too hard to place a downpayment on anything when all of his funds were tied up into that room,  that’s all.’ You were starting to speak firmly, and he knew he was getting to you as he scrunched up his face in humorous disbelief.

‘Did you, though? Because from what I heard, he was actually sleeping in your bed the entire two weeks he was with you,’ he told everyone, and the only reason you didn’t get angry was because you were starting to get very confused.

‘Where did you hear that?’ you demanded to know, but he wasn't done talking.

‘Along with that, apparently you were also there when he signed the deed to his house, as well as went shopping for a new bed, where the two of you not only came but also left together to head to said house as soon as it was in working order,’ he listed loudly just so no one would miss it, a photo to prove each point landing in front of you as cruel reminders, and you made a grab for the notebook on pure instinct as he laughed and jumped back, holding it out of your reach.

‘Would you two please control yourselves? Is everything he said true? Remember that you’re under oath,’ the Judge asked you very seriously, and you looked around in a growing panic before your eyes landed on Harley; all at once you recognized him, he’d been one of the workers who’d helped you load up his car that day, your focus purely on the frame to the point where he’d been practically invisible to you at the time.

‘Yeah, yeah it’s true,’ you admitted, and Rita looked furious in her belief that she was being proven right. ‘He slept in my bed because the couch hurt his back too much, so I took it instead in the meantime, and we went shopping together because he’s incredibly indecisive and needed a second opinion. I helped him with his house because it was disgustingly dirty from being empty for so long, and it would’ve taken him ages to clean it up alone despite the size. 

‘Every single thing you’ve said has just reaffirmed that I’ve been helping my friend where everyone else had left him high and dry, there’s absolutely nothing you can take away from that and the fact that I have never once made any sort of move on him, not in my own home and certainly not in either of his. Lester is my friend, I’m here today to support him while he tries to get his kids back in his life, and I don’t see how any of this is going to reach that if we keep messing around on this false accusation!’ You quickly lowered your voice when Annie stirred again, a few hushes and leg bounces lulling her back to sleep as she held her grandmother tight, but Matt didn’t look dissuaded by your speech, in fact, he looked like he’d finally gotten you as he held up the final photo but didn’t show you.

‘Could you please read out your last conversation with Mr. Billings to the court, please?’ he asked calmly, and your anger turned to panic as Gwen silently asked what he meant to Lester out of the corner of your eye.

‘What?’

‘Could you please read-’

‘I know what you said, but why?’ you asked uneasily, and he sighed before turning to the Judge. 

‘Please follow the request,’ she ordered, and you sucked in an unsteady breath as you unlocked your phone and went to his chat.

‘You know he brought me screenshots, don’t make me use them instead,’ Matt muttered under his breath, and you didn’t even have to ask to know that it was because you’d left you car unlocked, giving your tail the perfect opportunity to take pictures of your messages after seeing Lester send them only for you to arrive shortly after the night before.

‘I can’t,’ you told him as you stared at the words, it would all be taken the wrong way, and he took your phone from you without a fight before handing it to the Judge.

‘“I miss you,”’ she read aloud, and Gwen put her head in her hand as Lester stood, the Judge reading the rest while Rita’s side of the room started whispering again. ‘“I can’t sleep, can you come over?” These speak for themselves, what do you have to say about them?’ 

You couldn’t get a single word out as your phone was handed back to you, but you needed to try before everything you’d just said was thrown out the window. ‘He was stressed, he couldn’t sleep, nothing happened,’ you explained weakly, Matt already on top of it as he held his page a little tighter.

‘The second the door opened you were in his arms,’ he let everyone know, and you shook your head when that wasn't the photo he wanted to share.

‘We’d had a fight before he left, a misunderstanding, he just missed me,’ you tried to say, and that’s when he struck, the image of the two of you lying in bed together fully selling the lie. ‘These were taken without our consent,’ you mumbled, but it was too late, Harley had been there, he’d seen everything from the start, this was just the icing on the cake of the lie to everyone.

‘Caught in bed, that doesn’t look very platonic to me, see he’s even got his arm around your waist for real this time.’ Matt was on Cloud 9 as he spoke, the Judge agreeing and completely convinced that there was something going on after all.

‘He couldn’t sleep,’ you repeated softly, and as if to add insult to injury, he finally brought out the phone from the envelope over from the table.

‘Last chance to tell the truth,’ he offered, and something in you snapped as your entire body went stiff.

‘Oh fuck off Matt,’ you snarled, a slap to the desk your warning since the gavel was too loud, and he gave you another fake sigh before pulling up the phone’s gallery. He turned up the volume and turned the screen to the Judge, and it was dark and a little shaky but the sound still filled the large and empty room with ease.

‘I love you.’

Lester’s voice from last night bounced off every corner until it was impossible to ignore, and Matt played the clip again just to be sure.

‘I love you.’

‘So much for platonic,’ he figured as he played it again for good measure, and the Judge took the phone to make sure that yes, that was the two of you in the video as well as his voice through the speaker behind the cicadas and crickets that conveniently blocked out the next part where he called you his friend. ‘And are those tears when you roll over at the end? Guess the guilt of destroying a family can do that to you, yikes… Your Honour, if you could now swipe to the right you’ll find them the next morning as well,’ he told her, and you just barely saw footage of you two hugging in the doorway, the camera perfectly catching his kiss to your forehead before you wrapped your arms around him; it cut off just in time to make your hug look like a real kiss despite your face never leaving his chest in reality, and your frustration and helplessness at what you’d done to him bubbled up and overflowed until you felt a hot streak fall down your cheek.

‘I knew it, how dare you stand up there and lie to everyone, you ruined my marriage!’ Rita yelled as you gripped the wood until your hands hurt, her outburst finally enough to wake up Annie as she started crying along with you. She was inconsolable, her grandparents unable to calm her as Rita rubbed her eyes, her own anger at this whole situation going in circles until she was ultimately proven right also overflowing as she banged her hand off the table. ‘Can you please just take her outside, mom?’

‘Please, let me,’ Lester suddenly said, his first words in what felt like ages, and he didn’t wait for permission as he crossed over to the other side of the courtroom to reach for his baby girl. ‘Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here,’ he whispered softly as he took her from her grandmother’s arms, and she blinked through her tears as she reached up to touch his face, ‘it’s just me, it’s your daddy, it’s me.’ Her crying calmed as she recognized him in her childish sorrow, her small voice confirming that it was indeed her father before she curled against him and held on tight.

The room went silent as he kept hushing her, his arm bouncing slightly until her crying ceased completely, and when she started to fall back asleep again he couldn’t stop his own tears from falling as he kissed her head and breathed in deep. ‘Alright, she’s going home, just gi-’

‘Let me hold her, please,’ he begged immediately, cutting Rita off and holding his daughter away when she reached out to take her. ‘It’s been two months, just please let me hold my daughter for a little while longer…’ Rita backed down, Matt scoffing at the wasted time as Lester gave Annie another kiss, and even though it physically pained him to let go he eventually did; her grandmother took her back before they both left, Lester not fully breaking until the doors had closed and there was no risk of waking her, an awkward but also sad air filling the room as his friends finally saw what they’d done to him.

‘Can we get back to this, if you don’t mind?’ Matt asked from the floor, but Lester was done, he’d just had to give away his little girl after watching his only friend be torn apart in front of him, and he was done.

‘No, because I do mind,’ he told him as he turned, his cheeks wet but his eyes deathly serious as he approached the stand. ‘I’m sick of everyone trying to tell me what I did, what happened when I was there, and I won’t let this go any further. I asked them to come over, and we did lay in bed together, but only because I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do this alone, not because I cheated on you, Rita. No matter how you interpreted my actions, I know what my intentions were, and they were never to be disloyal to you. 

‘I’ve loved you ever since we were teenagers, and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can see now that we married too soon, and that no matter how much I love you and my children, it will never be enough to fix what you’ve broken. I know I scared you, I was afraid myself, that night, and I don’t care if you can never forgive me for it, but don’t punish me for something I didn’t do by convincing yourself that I’m a monster.’ He stopped to take a breath, everyone silent as Matt leaned against his table and waited impatiently for this to end, and you couldn’t stay there any longer until he turned to speak to you and instantly froze you. ‘You’ve been nothing but good to me since we met, and I’m so sorry I dragged you into all of this.’

‘I’m the one who ruined your marriage,’ you murmured miserably, and he shook his head before turning back to Rita.

‘No, you ruined our marriage the moment you stopped trusting me and broke our vows,’ he told her, and for the first time she looked almost regretful of her actions. ‘You can have the divorce, spending these past two months without you has taught me that maybe this has been a long time coming, and I didn’t lie, I never cheated on you and never intended to, but… these two months have also told me that I don’t have to walk out of here with nothing even if they rule in your favour.’ He glanced back to you for just a moment, and you swore he might actually be in love before he focused on the Judge. ‘I know all of what you just heard and saw was taken horribly out of context, and… and maybe my intentions have changed over time, but I’m not a liar, and I would never harm my children, you have to believe that, Your Honour.’

‘Oh, I believe it,’ she agreed after watching him calm his crying baby with ease before baring his soul to everyone. ‘We might’ve gotten off track there for a while, I apologize for letting that go on for as long as I did, but it’s very clear to me that despite the multiple errors in judgment on pretty much everyone in this room’s part, it wouldn’t be a fair ruling to let you walk out of here without custody.’ She smacked the gavel now that Annie was away, and Lester’s legs nearly failed him as he smiled in pure relief. ‘Temporary full custody will remain with Ms. Rothschild while you finish your new residence, and when the house is furnished and ready to house the children, we’ll meet up again to go over things and discuss how often they’ll stay with the both of you.’

‘Thank you, thank you so much,’ Lester sobbed joyfully before he crashed into the partition gate, and you and Gwen rushed to him to help him remain standing long enough to get to a seat. Matt swore to himself as Rita kept her distance, their friends deciding to make amends as they walked over to him and apologized, they’d spread the word that Rita had been wrong, and he couldn’t seem to stop crying as he smiled until his cheeks surely hurt just as much as yours did.

Another month went by as summer finally gave way to fall, and Halloween decorations started to fill the streets as you drove through the neighbourhood. Four pumpkins were strapped into your seats and made the car smell nice as you drove, the familiar way to Lester’s home engraved in your mind until you were pulling into the driveway behind him. You left the car unlocked as you ran up to the door to knock, and it was clear he’d seen you through the kitchen window as the door swung open to reveal him standing there in the most dad-themed apron you’d ever seen; it was of another man with a very chiseled stomach, something of which you assumed he didn’t have based on the few glimpses you’d gotten when he’d stayed with you, and you raised an eyebrow at him as he went in for a hug.

‘It’s incentive to keep to my new diet, since you helped the last one fail so many times,’ he joked before pulling you to his chest, and you kept it to yourself that you didn’t mind how he looked as you hugged him back.

‘You’re a grown man, you could’ve always said no,’ you reminded him as you headed back for the car, Lester following after setting down the dish towel he was still holding. You grabbed a pumpkin each and brought them to the dining room, or the small section of room he considered a dining room since technically his kitchen and living room were openly connected. 

‘Shaun’s gunna love this one, I can already tell- where’s the fifth?’ he asked when you shut the door, and you looked around for it too in confusion.

‘Fifth?’

‘You’re spending Halloween with us, right? You’re not gunna make me hand out candy with just Annie, are you?’ he asked disappointedly, and you fought the oncoming blush as you looked at the four pumpkins on the table, the last one being baby-sized just for Annie to scribble on instead of carve. ‘There’s a new Stephen King movie coming out that Deni was really excited to share with us, please tell me you aren’t gunna skip out on that one?’

‘I just assumed you’d wanna spend time with your family, since Rita did agree to the whole week just for this,’ you muttered nervously, and the hand he placed on your arm was warm and comforting as he gave you another almost loving look.

‘I think we can consider you a part of the family, especially after everything you did for us,’ he told you honestly, but you still weren’t entirely convinced you could join this part of his life now that you knew you might have a chance at a more permanent friendship with him. ‘Here, I ordered a bunch of food for tonight from that pizza place we used to visit a bunch while I was staying with you, if you go grab it I’ll pay for your pumpkin if you can find one in the next… 27 minutes,’ he offered, and you realized his hand was still on you as it then moved to your hand to hold your palm up to accept his wallet.

‘It takes 13 to get to the pumpkin patch,’ you told him, and he just shrugged before letting you go.

‘Better hurry then, don’t wanna be left out when we’re all sitting here carving pumpkins and eating pizza,’ he tempted you, and when you looked down at the table and imagined it you realized you wanted nothing more than to be a part of that. ‘And, since Rita doesn’t get here til 7, I think it might be nice to just spend some time alone with you, just the two of us, like before… I don’t get to see you as often now that your Thursdays are all booked up,’ he admitted shyly, and your heart pounded when he rubbed at his neck and you finally noticed that he’d taken his wedding ring off now that the divorce was officially and mutually underway.

‘You could come with me, we could maybe check out the Halloween displays at Walkers for a little extra decoration ideas, your house is honestly lacking compared to your neighbours,’ you suggested calmly, and his smile was back to normal as he stripped off his apron and tossed it over the arm of your second couch that so perfectly fit against the living room wall across from his TV, the photo of his kids so far the only other decoration on the stand.

‘I think I could go for some Caramel Pecan cheesecake, if I’m honest, you made me like it a bit more than the Chocolate Fudge Supreme,’ he whispered scandalously as you both headed out the door, and this time you did lean into him a little when his hand found the small of your back on the way to the car.

[nohoperadio]

I'd probably sum up my current broad strokes "how I feel about my life" as something like: the essentials are pretty stable, but beyond that the prospects for flourishing seem pretty bleak. I can't get into the weeds of it without this becoming a different and higher-effort kind of post, but for most of the things (big and medium-sized) you'd put forward as metrics of a good life--and by that I don't mean "social expectations", I'm talking about metrics I would personally endorse--I don't really have anything to show for, and more importantly it's difficult to tell a plausible story of how the next few years might go where that changes any, unless that story involves substantial transformations of long-standing components of my character. The current phase of my life started in January of 2023 when I became single and moved out on my own for the first time (both events unambiguously very good things with almost no attendant downside), and for a while I had this excited feeling like I had a chance to start everything over and do life right, or at least start moving in that direction. And then the first year went by and I just mostly felt like I wasted it, and it's increasingly hard to see me ending this year not feeling like I wasted this one, and at some point this turns into the more general feeling that my whole life is just kind of a sad waste.

And I don't want to lose sight of the fact that this state of affairs is a goddamned miracle relatively speaking. "Nothing is on fire but happiness seems maybe permanently out of reach" is a massive improvement over ten years ago when everything was on fire for years in a row and I had no ability to cope with anything and the only realistic thoughts I could frame about the future were about when I would kill myself. That wasn't good! Right now looks pretty good next to that.

And the thing is, that's not a thing I'm just saying to myself to try to grasp some silver lining, I really do experience my current state of "not cripplingly depressed" as something miraculous and precious--at the exact same time as I experience it as a sad waste of life. It's like the emotional equivalent of that thing where you have one cold hand and one warm hand and you put them both in lukewarm water and it feels like two different temperatures. It's really weird.

[yeehawbvby]

In Too Deep (Arven x GN!Reader) | Ch. 1*

Rating: Mature/Explicit | Warning: Pokémon Scarlet/Violet spoilers!

Summary: "A rough yank whips my face past Arven’s. He lets go. I yelp, feeling my body drift away from the group for a brief few milliseconds. Then, two strong hands find my sides and pull, planting me down onto the Pokémon.

…Oh no, I’m horny. I could’ve died, but instead of being mad or fearful, I’m being horny."

Author’s Note: My headcanon age for Arven is that he’s a young adult, somewhere between 20-24 years old. If this proves to be wrong in the future, please consider him to be aged up to this range! Likewise, for the sake of the continuity (i.e. Little Buddy and whatnot), you have a similarly tiny stature to the main character in Pokémon SV. For the sake of all of us, your character here is not a teenager lol, but instead roughly the same age as Arven, give or take a few years.

Thank you for understanding!! ^^ Enjoy and take care x

Check it out on ao3!

Next

There’s no way I can do this. 

I’ve ridden on the back of Raidon plenty — mostly on land, but sometimes soaring from high cliffs, and other times skiing on water. I trust this Pokémon with my life. 

But this? This is way too high of a jump. There’s no way it’ll work. 

I hear the bustle of my friends a dozen or so feet from beside me, climbing onto the motolizard in preparation for our flight. But in a daze, I kneel at the edge of the steel chamber, dreading the next few minutes. Unable to bring myself to move.

The drop into Area Zero begins high above the clouds, and ends on uncertain ground. We don’t know what’s down there, nor do we know what types of strange Pokémon might be flying with us on our way. Pokémon we could potentially crash into. Arven is the only one who can tell us what to expect, but he’s kept it vague, not wanting to have to recount his horrible experiences down there as a kid. 

The sound of metal clunking against metal echoes through my ears. Looking up and to my right side, I see the group all ready to go, Raidon inching forward. My eyes widen with panic. 

Oh… oh god, it’s time. 

I begin to shuffle over, but the upturn of Raidon's front legs tells me I don’t have as much time as I think.

“GET ON!”

Reaching out towards Arven’s outstretched hand, I sprint to him. His smile says he’s amused, but the glint in his eye shows determination. Behind him, Nemona laughs delightfully, and behind Nemona, Penny smirks. Analyzing the situation. As if she’s calculating how high of a chance there is that if they don’t die here, I will.

Before Raidon can plummet, Arven’s and my fingertips touch. Before I can grab his hand, he bypasses my fingers and firmly grasps my wrist. My heart skips a beat at the contact.

In the next beat, I’m airborne.

My friends howl and cheer beside me. Treating the plunge like we’re dropping down a rollercoaster at fucking Super Nintendo World. I, on the other hand, am screaming bloody murder. Cursing out Arven for prompting Raidon down so early instead of waiting two goddamn seconds for me to climb on. Cursing out Arceus, too, for fabricating this situation for me in the first place.

It feels like my shoulder or my wrist — maybe both? — are about to fall out of their sockets. I want to cry and throw up and most importantly I want to grab Arven’s forearm with my other hand for feigned security, but the wind is too strong against me, and my nerves are too high to do much of anything. 

After what seems like far too long, I feel a tug at my arm. My body glides forward as my teary eyes squint through the changing air pressure. A rough yank whips my face past Arven’s. He lets go. I yelp, feeling my body drift away from the group for a brief few milliseconds. Then, two strong hands find my sides and pull, planting me down onto the Pokémon.

How did he—??!

My hands instinctively grip onto Raidon’s horns, but my chest is still anxiously heaving, while butterfrees roam freely through my stomach. 

The past few moments play on repeat in my head, mentally removing me from the present.

Arven’s calloused hand consuming my wrist. Arven demonstrating borderline superhuman strength, as he tugs all [redacted] pounds of me through the air. Arven’s large hands finding my hips and positioning me against his body; the back of my ass to the front of his groin, the outside of my short legs spread almost fully against the inside of his longer ones.

Oh no, I’m horny.

I could’ve died, but instead of being mad or fearful, I’m being horny.

I gasp as I feel a warm breath against my ear, followed by a whisper: “I’ve got you, bud.” 

Arven punctuates the end of his sentence with a quick squeeze on my hips. The softness of his voice and sensation of his lips brushing my earlobe while he holds me like this sends a shiver down my spine.

Oh good god, that did not help anything!

A chirp from Raidon breaks me from my impure thoughts and reminds me to help it steer. I take a deep breath, sit up a bit straighter, and guide us down to safety. 

We quickly determine upon landing that Area Zero is much prettier than any of us could’ve ever imagined. It’s abundant with waterfalls, creating rainbows in the distant mist. There’s an absurd amount of tera crystals, all in weird places; coating tree trunks, and seeming to sprout from the rocky edges of the crater more than from the land itself. Each beam of sunlight peeking through the thick clouds above bends to make even the smallest particles of pollen drifting through the breeze shine beautifully, as though the air itself is shimmering around us. 

And the Pokémon – oh, don’t even get me started on how cool these things are. Before we could even find our bearings, Nemona was already running off to inspect them. Scared the shit out of Arven, Penny and I, sneaking away like that, but now that we’re seeing them for ourselves, nobody can blame her.

Some are made of metal, seemingly robotic in every sense of the word, just like Raidon. Others are only rarely found up on the mainland, such as Glimmora. Nemona and I have only ever encountered one prior to today because La Primera has one on her team, while Penny and Arven didn’t know it existed. The only downside to all of the cool Pokémon here is that one of them must have spooked Raidon really badly in the past. It returned itself to its ball earlier, and now refuses to come out, so we don’t have it as a mode of transport.

By the time the four of us come across the first research facility, as per the Professor’s instructions, we decide that’s a good stopping point for the day. With the sun setting and a bed and bathroom right here for our use – albeit they’re a bit worse for wear – it seems like this is the perfect time to rejuvenate our strength for the rest of our adventure.

Once we scope out the contents of the old lab reports that are scattered around, as well as decide on which direction to head the following day, Arven makes us some sandwiches. We use the last bit of daylight to remain outdoors, so as to avoid the stuffiness of the building we’re camping inside of. 

The little bit of downtime while Arven works allows my thoughts to veer from the tasks at hand, and unfortunately, I’m right back where I was on Raidon. I’m totally spaced out. I have a stunning view of the depths of the crater right ahead of me, yet the only images in my mind consist of Arven.

Can’t stop myself from thinking of how his hands would feel on my bare sides. I’m unable to avoid fantasizing about how his lips would feel on mine, rather than merely brushing the cold tip of my ear; or of his hand easily gripping both of my wrists, holding them above me while he uses his lips elsewhere.

Saving me from myself, Nemona hops over to where I’m seated, recruiting me for dinner. Thank Arceus. 

_______________

A few hours of eating, bonding, and bantering have passed, and now everyone is winding down for bed. Penny and Nemona bickered for the cot, only to settle on sharing it. Nemona knocked out almost as soon as she hit the old, mildewy pillow (eugh), while Penny opted to pop her earbuds in and play something on her Switch until she can fall asleep. Why she’d risk bringing that thing down here is beyond me.

That just leaves Arven and I to figure out where and how to sleep.

Great.

This is fine.

Everything is fine.

He’s seated on a ready-to-break office chair, and I’m sitting near him, legs dangling off of the crescent-shaped desk…? Work station? Whatever this is. Arven and I look at each other, look at Arven’s empty sleeping bag on the ground, look at one another again, squint, and then simultaneously speak up:

“You can take my sleeping bag,” he says, while I proclaim, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“What? No!” we – again, simultaneously – respond to one another. I deadpan him, while his brows furrow and he cocks his head at me.

“I’m not stealing your sleeping bag,” I quietly argue, not wanting to wake up Nemona or disturb Penny.

Arven rolls his eyes, then matches my tone. “It’s not stealing if I’m offering it to you. And I’m sure as hell not letting you sleep on the floor.” 

“Oh, sorry, let me rephrase. I’m not accepting your offer.”

“Alright, so neither of us will use it. Does that sound better to you?”

“Why the fuck would that sound better?!” I whisper-yell. He shrugs. I close my eyes, tilt my head back, and sigh. “I’ll see if one of my Pokémon want to offer themselves up as my pillow.” 

Arven sternly says my name. I hum inquisitively, grabbing a Pokéball from my backpack and inspecting it in my hand. I hear him sigh before he speaks up again. “We’re sharing it.”

My eyes widen and meet his. “P-pardon?” 

“My sleeping bag.” He stands up and walks over to it, then lowers himself in. “We’ll share.” Arven holds up the edge, allowing space for me to crawl in with him.

“Isn’t it a bit… uh…”

“Little? Yeah, just like you,” he quips. “Works out perfectly, if you ask me.” 

Heart ready to thump right out of my chest, I square my shoulders and look him in the eye. “...Fine!” I squeak. I hesitate before pushing off the desk, then meekly pad on over to him.

He snorts. “You’ve got the strength of a Champion, and have taken down four – technically five, if you count the lil’ sushi guy – Titan Pokémon. Pokémon that could’ve easily killed us both. What makes you so nervous about this?” he jests.

I feel my face heat up as I kneel down beside Arven. I grumble, “Shut up…” before sliding in next to him. “Should I… like…?” I ask, more to myself than to him, shuffling around to figure out which way to lay so that we can both comfortably fit. 

Seeming to have thought I was talking to him – understandably so – Arven takes matters into his own hands. 

Literally.

Oh god.

His hands meet my hips again, except this time, the tee I brought down here to sleep in rides up a little. One of his fingers presses the skin of my side, sending Gooserene-bumps across my body. Then, he flips me around and pulls the back of my body flush against him. 

“C’mere, you little...” he trails off, pretending to be annoyed.

My brain takes a few seconds to process what’s happening. When I don’t zip up the sleeping bag right away, Arven reaches over me. There’s no way I’ll survive the night like this. The zipper makes it about an inch from its starting point before I put a hand on his arm to stop him. 

“Uh, actually, I’m gonna go get some air. Head kinda hurts.” 

I shimmy out from under Arven’s arm, and step out of the sleeping bag, promptly leaving the facility before he can say much of anything. There are enough lights planted on the building to ward off any pesky nocturnal Pokémon, so I know I’ll be safe as I wrap around to the side and sit down in the grass. I lean my back on the station, take a deep breath, and look out at the view I neglected earlier. 

I’ve gotta try to clear my head before I go back in there. I can’t spend the night in constant contact with the person who’s currently the star of all my perverted desires. What happens if I have a wet dream? What happens if I verbalize any of this hypothetical dream in my sleep? 

I’m so screwed.

My fingers fidget with the grass as a stupid thought crosses my mind. 

What if I just…? Y’know…?

I stand up to peek around the corner at the front of the building, knowing nobody is around, but wanting to play it safe before I do something reeeally fucking stupid. Then I look side to side. I look up and around for cameras, making sure the Professor can’t see what I’m about to do.

Sitting back down where I was, I think I’m in the clear. If I concentrate really hard, I can get off, and then I’ll go to the bathroom to clean up a bit, and then I’ll probably be alright to get back in that tiny little sleeping bag with Arven without combusting.

Giving myself a curt nod of encouragement, I reach a nervous hand into my sleep shorts. I’m embarrassingly prepared already… all this just from being so pent up all day. I feel like a monster. A horny, insatiable monster. 

Making quick use of my fingers, I’m forced to bite my lip to stop any sounds from escaping me. I’m never noisy while I masturbate, except maybe while I’m cumming sometimes. This is so embarrassing, even if there’s nobody around to see it. 

I shake the guilty thoughts from my head, wanting to simply get the job done and return inside. I can be as distracted as I want when I’m back in my dorm in Arceus knows how long. 

For now, I need to focus. 

Eyes shut and knuckles against my mouth, my imagination runs wild with some of the dirty thoughts I had earlier as I lose myself in pleasure. It honestly helps so much to have had those ideas ready to use, rather than having to conjure up new ones… and it immerses me enough that I haven’t noticed the soft footsteps on the grass just a few meters away from me.

The only reason I stop what I’m doing is because I hear my name being spoken cautiously, as if approaching a feral Pokémon, by none other than the man I was just fantasizing about.

[undertheorangetree]

So @sapphire-writes and I have taken the last few days to figure out what we wanted to do in terms of our plagiarism claims and decided writing a joint statement and providing evidence would be best. We want to start by saying we have absolutely no intention of starting a fight nor do we condone any hate anons/messages/etc. We are writing this purely to wash our hands of the situation and move on, not to bring about more drama. We believe that everyone should be held to the same standard regardless of who they are and that plagiarism is NEVER okay.

With that being said, here is the evidence we have.

In terms of my own plagiarised fic, both Caged Bird and Belong by valeskafics bare a suspicious resemblance to In The Woods Somewhere, with the former two being posted January 6th 2024 and January 1st 2024, respectively, and my own fic being posted December 24th 2023. Though there are numerous similarities throughout both fics to my own work, I’ve chosen to only include the most damning.

In the Woods Somewhere- She knows the moment he looks up at her, rifle clutched in his hands, that he will not be coming north with her. Not anymore, not now that he has the one thing tying him to this place well in hand. […] He is Capitol in blood and flesh and bone just as she is district.

Caged Bird- You knew it the moment he found that gun. That goddamned gun. He wasn’t going to follow you north. Coryo was born and bred in the Capitol. You don’t blame him for wanting to return. It’s all he’s ever known. But you can’t. You refuse. You hate everything the Capitol stands for - the opulence, the heartlessness, the sheer disregard for human life. It makes you sick. And the idea of him taking you there with him makes you nauseous. So, you do what any rational person would do in a situation like this.

In The Woods Somewhere

Belong

For Jo, the plagiarism took place for Pretty Little Thing, posted December 23rd 2023, and Insatiable, also by valeskafics and posted January 4th 2024. This can be seen in the screenshots below.

Pretty Little Thing

Insatiable

With all that being said, we have no intention of interacting with this person and have done everything to protect our work moving forward. All posted work will remain as is, but please do not anticipate anything new from Jo or myself in the near future. We posted our work in good faith believing that it would be received the same way and have no intention on adding fuel to this plagiarism fire. Thank you to everyone that supported or reached out to us during this time, as we’re very grateful for it, and thank you for respecting our individual hiatuses.

[noxtivagus]

i didn't mean to ramble sm in tags, i meant to just say a bit but oh well i'll just continue n delete when i'm less busy 🥹

oh my god it's 9 am

[vicvinegarandhughhoney]

the harder the rain, honey the sweeter the sun

Fandom: AP Bio

Pairing: Jack Griffin/Lynette Hofstadter

Prompt: Motion Sickness

Jack gets motion sick. That's it.

(TW for vomit)

Read here or below the cut

“Ralph, if you do not let me sit at the front of this goddamn bus I swear I’m going home right now.”

Jack’s late to the school trip, because of course he is, and Lynette watches him from her window seat at the back of the bus with a bemused smile on her face. He's stood outside directly facing Durbin, arms crossed like an army staff sergeant even as his entitled behaviour spills over into brat territory. He apparently wants to sit at the front. Bad. 

“I’m sorry, Jack, but you arrived nearly-” Durbin checks his watch. “Half an hour after you were supposed to get here- if you'd been here on time, I might have been able to get you a seat near the front, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do now.”

Jack huffs exasperatedly, turning to glare at his front-seated opponents. “Half the kids up there could easily swap seats to somewhere further up the bus. It's ridiculous.”

Durbin shrugs. “Maybe, but they're all settled now. You’ll cause commotion if you try to change them all around like that. You know how many rivalries there are in high school, Jack? Hundreds.”

“I don't care whether they declare world war three because of me, Ralph! Just move them around!”

But for once, Durbin is putting his foot down. He shakes his head, and gestures to the door of the bus. 

“Not possible. Now c’mon, man. Go sit down before you make things harder than they have to be.”

Lynette can tell Jack is pissed- he has that same vein popping in his neck which appears when someone criticises Henry David Thoreau. Still, he seems to consider admitting defeat on the bus front preferable to embarrassing himself by pushing it further, so with flaming cheeks he storms up the steps and down the aisle towards her. The moment he flops into the seat next to her, she arches a brow. 

“Is it so bad sitting next to me?”

He sighs. Shakes his head gently, even as tension remains in every limb. “It’s not that, Lyns. I would’ve got you to sit next to me wherever in the bus we ended up.”

She frowns. “So? What's the big deal with sitting back here then?”

There's a split second where Jack’s cheeks flush even redder, right before he composes himself and shrugs. 

“It’s… it’s nothing. Just- you get a better view from the front, s’all.”

A better view? She’s not about to press it, but God is he particularly bad at lying today.

The engine soon starts to rumble, and Durbin stands at the front of the bus to begin his spiel about seatbelts and behaviour. They’re going to the Toledo Museum of Art, not MOMA, but evidently the future reputation of Whitlock is at stake here. Durbin means business. 

Jack seems a little distanced during the speech, which is to be expected. Lynette catches him fiddling with his buckle for a while, shifting in his seat to get comfortable, rummaging around in his bag, etc etc. At one point, she reaches out a hand to catch his, hovering as it is over a bracelet on his other arm that he's been slingshotting against his skin for a minute straight. 

“Hey, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you're not careful.” She chides gently. 

Jack doesn't say anything, merely rouges a little further and pulls his sweater secretively over his wrist so the bracelet is no longer visible. Huh. Odd. 

“Alright,” Durbin finishes, clapping his hands together. “Let’s get this show on the road!”

He swings round to sit down, and almost immediately the bus lurches forward. Lynette doesn't miss the way Jack’s hands leap out to grab hold of the edges of his seat (even if he does pull them away again almost as soon as they find purchase). 

She raises an eyebrow in silent question, but he keeps his gaze forwards, Adam's apple bobbing. If she were a betting woman, she'd wager that something's bothering him. 

If only she knew what it was. 

The first ten minutes of the journey Jack spends with his eyes shut, hands fidgeting in his lap. He flinches at the occasional bump in the road but other than that? He's still as a statue. 

Things take a turn around the twenty minute mark, though. He opens his eyes, and there's a slight flash of panic in them- one that he conceals well except when they roll over yet another speed bump, at which point his pupils dilate with obvious fear and his hands reach down again to grip at his seat. His moments of stillness are over, too. Now, he’s shifting uncomfortably in his seat like no position is bearable for his old bones. Lynette grins. 

“These Toledo roads too juddery for you, old man? You look like you're worried you're gonna step off with bruises.”

Jack wears an unbelievably fake smile for a second, until another pothole wipes it clean off his face- as well as, apparently, every ounce of colour.

The flush on his cheeks has completely disappeared, replaced by an uncanny pallor that Lynette has only seen on him once, when he was so sick with the flu he couldn't even hold his own head up. She frowns.

“You alright?”

He nods, too quick to be sincere, then hurriedly leans down to rummage through the bag at his feet. From it he withdraws a little orange pill bottle, pours a few into his hand, and tips them back shakily. Follows it up with a meagre sip of water.

Lynette spies the label just before he shoves the bottle right back down into the bag.

Dramamine.

Oh. Oh.

He must notice her expression change, because he suddenly looks at her imploringly. Desperately. She expects him to tell her they need to pull over, but instead he swallows, appearing more nauseated by the second, and murmurs,

“Please- please don't tell anyone.”

Lynette's heart breaks a little.

“Oh, hon, you know that I’d never tell anybody something you didn't want them to know… still, do you want me to go see if Durbin can get a seat change?” Jack’s eyes widen, and she puts a reassuring hand on his arm. “Look, I know you don't want him to know, but I’m sure that if he understood the reasoning behind you wanting a seat near the front, he might… Jack?”

She realises far too late that his eyes widening was not in fact a response to her suggestion, but instead a far more dire warning.

Now, he closes them entirely, trembling a little as he breathes rhythmically. There's sweat beading on the back of his neck.

“M… think I’m gonna be sick…” he murmurs weakly.

It's hardly a surprise. He's so pale now that it's even clear to some kids across the aisle that Mr Griffin? He isn't feeling so hot.

Lynette swears under her breath. Unbuckles her belt.

“Alright, hold on, Jack, just hold on- I’m gonna go tell the driver to stop, okay?”

As she stands, he gropes shakily about the air for her arm, before finding and clutching it.

“W-wait, Lyns, don't go.” His eyes remain squeezed shut. His other hand keeps that vice-like grip on his seat.

Lynette feels truly sorry for him. God, she does. She can see kids from further away in the bus starting to gossip now- after all, she's stood, and her boyfriend is holding her arm like it's the only thing keeping him tethered to this realm while he swallows convulsively.

“I gotta get the driver, sweetheart, but I promise I'll be back.”

She reaches up to briefly swipe her thumb along the jut of his cheekbone; watches him melt, shuddering, into the touch before she reluctantly pulls away and hurries into the aisle. The bus continues thundering along the roads, sending her teetering this way and that while she tries to move forward in a way that makes even her queasy. She dreads to think how Jack’s holding up with the movement.

Eventually, she reaches the front. Durbin is sat talking to Helen, but he trails off when he sees Lynette approaching the driver.

“Ms Hofstadter? What are you doing?”

She ignores him. There isn't time for explanatory remarks.

“Excuse me, driver?”

The guy’s wearing shades and a little earpiece (way too high-end for goddamn Toledo) and at first he doesn't seem to hear her, so she clears her throat and tries again.

“Excuse me? Driver?”

He starts, eyes flitting from the road to her desperate expression.

“Uh, can I help you?”

“I need you to pull over.”

Durbin leans forward to tap her on the shoulder.

“Uh, Miss Hofstadter, I’m afraid we can't just-”

“Ralph, it's important.”

“-stop the bus for every whim, we'll be there soon and-”

“Ralph.” Lynette says brusquely, turning to look at him. “If we don't stop this bus right now, Jack is going to… Ralph… everywhere.”

Durbin frowns, mouthing the words as if to make sense of them. It takes a few seconds, but soon his own eyes are widening with realisation.

“He’s…?”

“Motion sick.” Lynette confirms with a nod. “And he's not looking good back there, Durbs. We have to pull over. Now.”

Thankfully, Durbin sighs. Nods to the driver, who's been listening in to the conversation and looks pretty damn eager to spare his bus from the havoc which could ensue if he doesn't follow Lynette's instructions.

The moment she knows the bus is starting to slow, she speedwalks back up the aisle towards Jack, who’s now hunched over, whole body trembling slightly. He has a fist held to his mouth, the other arm now slung protectively around his stomach.

“Hey, sweetheart?” She crouches down next to him in the aisle, uncaring that everybody’s eyes are now on them. “Jack?”

She rubs him gently on the arm and he rears his head, looking utterly miserable.

“We’re pulling over now.” She soothes, stroking the wispy hair at the back of his neck, damp with sweat. “Just a few more seconds and we can get off this bus, alright, hon?”

He closes his eyes again, groaning softly as at last the movement grinds to a halt.

“Alright, up we get, sweetheart. That’s it. Nice and slow.”

Clearly too sick to give a shit about how he's perceived, Jack lets Lynette half haul him up from his seat, her hand remaining on the small of his back as she walks him down the aisle of the bus towards the door. His steps are wobbly. Everything's still trembling.

By the time their shoes hit the asphalt, Jack’s footsteps grow more urgent, and Lynette follows him into the woods by the roadside. He’s clearly hoping to get far enough in that his unravelling isn't witnessed by the multitude of high schoolers only metres away, many now with their faces pressed against the glass to see what's happening. Unfortunately, though, his body isn't so kind as to let him get out of sight before he doubles over, retching painfully.

Lynette’s brow knits with concern. “Oh, Jack.”

Her hand moves to rub circles into his quivering back, all his muscles taut with anticipation. One of his fists is still held vaguely in front of his mouth, the other hand splayed out on his knee.

“It’s alright, hon. Just relax, okay? You’ll feel better afterwards, I promise.”

He shakes his head briefly, wordlessly, but immediately ducks back down again as his body makes another attempt at expelling everything in his stomach. This time it’s pretty successful, and Lynette turns her head away, eyes closing with sympathy at the sound of his breathless heaving.

“There we go. Good job, Jack. You’re doing so good, sweetheart.”

She continues to reassure him for another minute give or take, wincing every so often at how violent and painful everything appears to be, until at last it dissipates into panting and the gentler sound of Jack spitting into the dirt. 

Accompanied, at last, by a weak exhalation that sounds more like a sob. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re alright… Feel any better?”

Shakily, he pulls himself upright and swipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. Turns to her, tears of exertion and defeat running down his cheeks. 

Nods. 

“D-don’t feel so s-sick, just… just t-tired. And- and e-embarrassed.”

Lynette surreptitiously takes his hand. Squeezes it. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Jack. These things happen, right?”

“But the kids-”

“The kids have 15 second attention spans- they’ll see a sculpture that looks kinda like a penis at the museum and this’ll be a distant memory.”

Jack swallows, still shaky. “I- I guess.”

“You ready to head back to the bus, hon? Durbs is bound to let us sit near the front now, and you can take some more Dramamine as well. I’m pretty sure you puked up that other stuff.”

The tips of his ears redden slightly as he nods. He still looks mortified, but at least when Lynette gently tugs on his hand, he follows her back to the bus (even if he does avoid looking up at any of the windows). 

There's a lively buzz of chatter when they approach, but the moment they ascend the stairs, the whole vehicle sinks into silence. Jack’s grip on Lynette's hand tightens. 

“Hey, Jack.” Durbin says, voice soft. Lynette's sure this tone frustrates Jack more than anything. He isn't weak. He isn’t delicate. 

Well, maybe he is a little, but that's okay. It doesn't mean he needs to be spoken to like he's about to crumple at any moment. 

“I got a few of the kids to move.” Durbin continues. “Hopefully the seats up front’ll be, uh, better for you. Do you…” He looks up tentatively to Lynette now. “Does he need a bag or something? We carry a few for the travel sick kids but-”

Jack pulls away from Lynette and walks quickly to the new seats, ignoring Durbin’s small plea for him to hang on. Lynette watches him slink into the row of two seats that's now free and buckle himself into the one nearest the window, cheeks aflame and eyes fixed on the scenery outside. 

She turns back to Durbin. “I’ll take one of the bags just in case.” She says in a low voice, slipping the one she receives into her pocket. “But for the love of God don't compare Jack to a travel sick kid, and don’t speak about him like he isn't there.”

Durbin stammers. “I- I wasn’t trying to-”

Lynette sighs. “I know… I know. He’s just feeling a little sorry for himself, and the last thing he needs is more humiliation- even if it isn't intentional.”

She gives him a small smile to show she isn't really upset (her tone often slips into confrontational when Jack’s wellbeing is concerned) and quickly slips into the seat beside her boyfriend. He’s still looking blankly out the window, Adam's apple bobbing every so often to conceal the rising emotion. 

Carefully, she reaches down for his bag (already placed at his feet by a student- probably Heather) and retrieves the little bottle of Dramamine. She measures out a couple of pills and holds them in the palm of her outstretched hand for Jack.

“Hey. Sweetheart. Gonna take some more meds for me?”

He turns slowly towards her, cheeks still stained with tear tracks. Thankfully, he doesn't put up a fuss about the Dramamine- merely tips them back and settles into his seat. It's a clear sign that he's exhausted. 

“Here.” She offers him his bottle of water. “You know what I say about dry-swallowing shit. C’mon. Chase it down with something. I think you need the fluids anyway.”

His hands are still trembling when he takes the water bottle (it could be why he was reluctant to get it himself), and he swallows the sips extra cautiously like he's still afraid he’ll hurl at any moment. 

“Good job, Jack.” She whispers. 

At the front of the bus, Durbin stands up briefly, directing a questioning glance and a thumbs up towards Lynette.

We good to go?

She gives him a reciprocal thumbs up.

Good to go. 

In truth, she really isn't sure whether Jack is good to go. She doesn't know how travel sickness works, whether he's going to be fine now that he's got everything out of his system or whether the moment the engine starts back up again, she’ll need to reach for that bag in her pocket. What she does know, however, is that the longer they stay stopped here, the more Jack is going to feel the weight of everybody's eyes on his. The more the shame will grow. 

So she sits back as the bus rumbles to life, and reaches out to take his clammy hand in hers.

It doesn't take long for him to drift off- the medication, the stress, and pure physical exhaustion render sleep inevitable. He tries to fight it at first, perhaps still too self-conscious to submit to yet another display of ‘weakness’, but his blinks grow more languid by the second, and his breaths begin to slow of their own accord. The endless Ohio roads melt into one great snaking blob in the steadily misting window pane. 

His chin tips forward a few times, then jerks back up, before at last Lynette eases his head against her shoulder, squeezing his hand. 

“Go to sleep, sweetheart.” She murmurs into his ear as the kids chatter about nothing important around them. 

He sinks fully against her. Clearly, permission was all he needed. 

She snakes a hand around his back so she can wrap her arm around him and subtly stroke his hair. Pulls him even closer. Presses a kiss to his forehead. 

Half a mile down the road, they’ll arrive at their destination and the kids will file out of the bus. Some will pause in the aisle, curiosity piqued. 

“Is Mr Griffin alright?” They’ll whisper, touchingly conscious of keeping their voices down. 

Lynette will smile gently. “He hasn’t been feeling very well, that's all. He’ll be alright soon, I promise.”

They’ll nod their heads sympathetically, and soon will file off like the rest. Jack and Lynette will be left alone. Even the bus driver will abandon his post for the time being. 

Still, Jack will sleep. 

Still, Lynette will stay. 

[bleedingseeds]

Tbqh, there's a lot of propaganda on tumblr trying to dissuade young Americans from voting for a socialist third party, threatening "You'll get Trump if you vote for what you ACTUALLY WANT instead of playing the rich people game of "We only give you A or B, both of which serve OUR interests, not yours! And the more you comply, the more evil the "lesser evil" becomes and rich people, who rig the game, will convince you, "It's YOUR fault for not playing into the colonialist, classist game theory WE constructed to always win!"

White people, I KNOW Trump scares us. I know it is like "the encroaching fascism is finally reaching US," but the truth is that the fascism is already here, has already been here, and was embedded into the slavery that built this country.

If you cannot vote for the policies you ACTUALLY WANT and trust that they will be FOLLOWED THROUGH ON, then you are not free. Your vote is not free. Your vote for A or B, which you do not want, which you admit is evil, is Your Complicity. It is your CONSENT for the ruling class to control you.

I am not saying it it pointless to vote. I am saying there is ONLY power in voting if you vote for WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT and then continually, consistently DEMAND what you ACTUALLY WANT, regardless of the outcome of the election.

Yes, it may get a little worse before it gets better--

But I think deep down, if you think about it, you know that this whole "lesser of two evils" things is rigged and UNSUSTAINABLE. And our Earth is running out of TIME for us to comply, comply, comply, until the ruling classes strip it bare and drain it dry.

So I am ASKING you-- to IMAGINE other ways of moving forward that aren't just capitulating in fear, hoping that someone else will eventually fix it.

Voting third party may not immediately win (but since both Jill Stein and Claudia De La Cruz both have enough delegates to win the electoral college, it actually might). That is a hard truth we may have to grapple with. But if you tell the ruling class that lying about campaign promises, that leaving the American public in poverty, that investing in war instead of social programs, that strengthening cop control over protestors, that trying to outlaw boycotting, that LITERAL GENOCIDE is all ACCEPTABLE to you as long as you can grasp with your fingernails to any scrap of certainty and protection you think you have--

What do you fucking STAND FOR?

And even more than voting for a third party that you ACTUALLY WANT to have hope and the CHANCE of them winning (because with the larger social and global movements right now, it IS possible!) , and at the very fucking least to shatter the complicity and the illusion of safety, and to send a goddamned message for other Americans to WAKE THE FUCK UP and PUSH FOR FREEDOM AND HOPE no matter what--

Even more than all that-- I want you, regardless of who you vote for, I WANT YOU TO FUCKING FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN AND BELIVE IT IS POSSIBLE. Only then will it actually come to pass.

TAKE AN ACTIVE STANCE TO CREATING YOUR GODDAMNED FUTURE AND DO IT CONSISTENTLY.

[pattywagon2go]

Train Talk Tuesday

Hi, so it's been quite a while since the last post, hasn't it? It's been so long since the last post that a lot of stuff has happened since then in the world of rail-based transportation, stuff which I have a few thoughts on, but not enough to laser focus into a single post. So instead, I’m choosing to compile a ton of different news items into one post, as a lightning-round like thing. I’ve done this kind of thing before (see this post), but I don’t expect this to be a norm going forward, there’s just been quite a lot of news recently, and I figured it would be best to do it all in one post. With that out of the way, it's time to commence the news!

First up on the list, Brightline West has officially broken ground in Las Vegas. For the uninitiated, Brightline West is a high-speed rail link between Las Vegas, Nevada and Los Angeles*, California. It is being built by Brightline, the private company which runs trains in Florida, hence why it's called Brightline West.

I am personally really excited for this project. With the exception of the Acela in the Northeast (which you can argue day and night whether its actually high-speed or not), the United States doesn’t have any kind of high-speed rail right now, so seeing projects which aim to bring high-speed rail to a country which largely sticks with cars is a refreshing sight to see. It's not 100% perfect, as there will be some single tracking and there won’t be a direct link to LA Union Station at first, but there are plans to remedy this in the future. Just like with California High-Speed Rail, once completed, this line will have the potential to radically change how people in the area move, and it will be a major stepping stone toward a more sustainable future.

Speaking of California High-Speed Rail, the next news item is about a project very close to it! Caltrain has officially finished electrifying their main line between San Francisco and San Jose!

For the uninitiated, Caltrain is a commuter railroad that primarily serves San Francisco, California. As part of California High-Speed Rail, Caltrain has been electrifying their main line between San Francisco and San Jose, as CAHSR will be using the Caltrain main line as part of the route into San Francisco. Recently, though, the project has reached its end, and Caltrain will begin electric commuter service soon.

What makes me really happy about this project is it demonstrates that the United States is capable of these kinds of projects. Time and time again, there is cope about how the United States is incapable of electrification projects, and that we are meant to just stick to diesels. This project reaching its conclusion is hardline proof that it is possible, but only if we actually make a worthwhile attempt at making it happen. There is no “We’re not ready”, no “It's too expensive”, just build the goddamn wires and stop screaming about it.

Moving all the way from one coast to the next, we arrive at the City of Brotherly Love for our next news piece, which is that the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) has terminated its $185 million contract for bi-level commuter cars with CRRC, a state-owned Chinese rolling stock company. The reason for the termination seems to be the delay in getting the new cars and the shoddy craftsmanship of the ones CRRC did deliver.

I’m personally not going to get too into the whole shenanigans with CRRC, as there is a fantastic video on it here, but the main sparknotes of it are that CRRC was chosen by SEPTA as Pennsylvanian law mandates that the lowest bidder for a contract like this is guaranteed to be chosen, and CRRC happened to be the one who bid the lowest when SEPTA was looking for companies who wanted to build new bi-levels for them. This is something that is also in force in Massachusetts, which is why the MBTA picked CRRC as the company to build out the replacement cars for the Orange and Red Lines for Boston's subway. Said cars have not only been severely delayed, but have experienced numerous manufacturing issues which required them to be pulled from service to remedy. I think that CRRC has played a clever game here, where by exploiting a bad law, they were able to secure the contract from much more reliable manufacturers. This is just another case of how penny pinching transit agencies always leads to trouble, but I also would stress that this is another issue with not having domestic manufacturers anymore. With the exception of the Brookville Equipment Corporation, the United States has no rolling stock manufacturers anymore, let alone large ones on the scale of Siemens or Alstom. The United States used to have these, like Budd Co. and the St. Louis Car Co., but a lack of investment into railroads ultimately drove these companies into their graves, and the void they left in their wake continues to plague the United States to this very day. As of now CRRC has made it clear they will look toward re-negotiating the contract with SEPTA, but I doubt that SEPTA will be willing to talk.

The final news item takes us up north to New Jersey, at the Portal North Bridge, which has officially reached 50% completion status. This new bridge will be replacing the older Portal Bridge, which is a railroad bridge which carries the Northeast Corridor over the Hackensack River.

Originally constructed in 1910 by the Pennsylvania Railroad as part of the connection to New York City, the replacement of the Portal Bridge is a key part of the Gateway Program, a major infrastructure project meant to increase the capacity of the Northeast Corridor between Newark Penn Station and New York Penn Station. Right now the NEC between these two stations is only double tracked in some areas, including the Portal Bridge, which limits how many trains can be run on the line. In addition, the Portal Bridge also enforces a speed limit on the NEC, making trains run at a glacial 60mph maximum while on it.

As someone who has mentioned how much the connection from NYC to NJ sucks in the Penn Station rant (see here), seeing such a milestone is a refreshing sight. Just like Caltrain wrapping up electrification of its main line, this is proof that large public infrastructure projects being accomplished aren’t some kind of myth here in the United States, it can be done, we just need to actively try to do them. The Gateway Program in general will likely need its own post one day, but seeing such a large project reach a critical milestone is a refreshing sight, especially since it will rectify a major issue with the NEC. The NEC won’t be totally perfect even after the Gateway Program concludes, but this will be a major step forward for the NEC in general, be it Amtrak or NJ Transit.

And that’s all of the news I have! There was definitely a lot of stuff I missed that I couldn’t do in this post, which is unfortunate, but to be expected. I did my best to pick out the stuff that I thought could use the most spotlight on, so some stuff unfortunately didn’t make the cut, but that’s just how I roll. More posts like these may or may not happen, it will depend on whether more news stuff happens. I do expect the hiatus on posts to persist, as I still need to find some ideas for stuff worth talking about, but I will do my best to try to keep the hiatus as short as possible. Until then, I hope to see you all for the next post!

[deafeningbasementcolor]

To Give in Would be Kinder on the Heart- Yandere! Toji Fushigiro x Reader

Warnings: Yandere Toji, noncon/dubcon at the end, reader is developing Stockholm Syndrome, violence, noncon spanking, suicide attempt, threats of future physical injury to reader. 

Please do not interact with my work if you are under the age of eighteen, thank you. 

“You really are such a dumb little cunt, aren’t you?”

You startle, not having expected to be caught as you wobble on the chair you had been balancing on. The rope around your neck was tied clumsily from the quick desperation you had been working with the second he had left. He shouldn’t be back so soon. You want to cry. 

“Don’t fucking dare try and move.”

You’re half tempted to jump, just to spite him. The rope likely would not hold well enough to kill you, if anything you’ll just just in a more sorry state than before due to it damaging your neck. You hesitate too long on your decision though, and before you can make up your mind he has his large hands around your waist. You are yanked from the chair, smacking into his barrel of a chest so hard that you gasp in pain. 

“Fucking idiot.” 

You’re half-dragged, half-carried off to bedroom, where he shoves you face down onto the bed. His hand presses down on the back of your head, and you smother against the comforter for a panicked moment. When he pulls your face back up by your hair, you suck in greedy gulps of air and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them again. 

“See? You want to live. Look at you. Just fuckin’ look at you, sweetheart.” 

He sounds almost fond again, a shift from the anger in his tone from before. For a second, it makes you hopeful that you’ll be forgiven without any retribution for your attempt on your life. You should know better. Maybe you really are dumb, just like he says. He yanks at your hips, pulls them up so that your positioned on your knees. You instinctively try to reach behind you to cover your bottom, knowing what comes next. 

“Please, please, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I won’t ever do-” Your pleas are cut short with another gasp as he rips your hand away from your bottom.

“You try to cover up again, and I’ll break your goddamn wrist. You’re lucky that I’m even giving you the dignity of not baring your ass for this. Don’t push your luck, bitch.” 

The smack comes unceremoniously, no more preamble to warn you. You yelp, lurching forward as your ass flares with a burning sensation. His hands are so big, and they have such power behind them. You know from experience that even this one smack was probably enough to bruise. Not that he’ll stop at one. Tears already are pricking your eyes, and a sob slips free from your throat. 

“Such a tender thing, aren’t you? You’re lucky you have me to look after you.”

“Toji,” you whimper out, and he chuckles.

Smack.

Smack.

Smack.

You’re glad at least that he was going quickly. It was worse when it was all drawn out. Still, your throat is raw already from your noises of pain and your tears are hot as they pour from your eyes. You have snot dripping from your nose as if you were a tantruming toddler. 

"Toji, it hurts," you let the words slip out despite thinking they might make things worse for you. Much to your relief, they instead seem to soften him.

“Just one more, okay?” You force yourself to nod. The last slap to your ass is the hardest one, and you wail from the agony of it. Immediately he gathers you into his arms, seating you on his legs as he sits back with you, and you bury your messy face into his chest. It’s a childish reaction, and it feels humiliating just as much as comforting. 

“There we go. See? All is forgiven.” He gently grips your waist, pulls you back so you look up at him. 

“If you ever try to hurt yourself again, I’ll make sure you wish you succeeded in killing yourself. Do you understand?”

His words send you into a new round of tears, and he sighs and goes back to cuddling you to his chest. He rocks you gently, and despite the erection you feel pressing against your thigh you let him soothe your crying. He presses a kiss to your head, you shudder and he seems amused.

“Now say you love me and we can get to work making you feel better.”

“I love you, Toji.” 

The scary part is that you aren’t lying. As terrifying as all this is, as much as the death you had tried to cause yourself seems a reprieve still, you know that soon enough you’ll succumb fully to the love that grows within you unbidden. Toji strips you of your clothes easily, moving you around in his grip like you’re just a small doll to dress and undress at his whim. You suppose that isn’t far off from the truth. He’s careful not to cause the pain in your already bruising ass to flare more as he takes you, his passage into your cunt nearly agonizingly slow. 

Toji presses his lips against your ear, murmurs declarations of his adoration into it, and you hate that you believe them. You hate that you nearly whisper them back. 

[enhypia]

JS ; exes

exes answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: park jongseong x gn!reader

genre: angst, mild fluff

words: roughly 1.7k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jay speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jay speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing, neglect, breaking up

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello, i'm (y/n)

and i'm jay

we're (awkward eye contact)

uhh we're exes

[you guys were invited here today as exes for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

yup

*interviewer shuffles awkwardly

sorry it's just, our friends were the ones who signed up for us

yeah, we just found out about it three days ago

[but are you guys still okay with doing this?]

we're okay

just give us a few minutes to get used to environment

*(y/n) chuckles

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. are you guys ready? should we start?]

*jay nods

ready as i'll ever be

[how long were you guys together?]

we were together for almost 3 years

[how long have you guys been broken up?]

about a year and a half now

[who broke up with who?]

i did they did

[why did you break up with him?]

so this was all a year and a half ago okay? no coming for jay, he's grown, we've grown

thanks?

you're welcome

*jay laughs

uhh.. it just really reached a point where i felt neglected in a way? and it was just tiring? i kept thinking 'do i deserve this treatment?' and i hated that i was doubting everything, including his feelings. so i just said let's talk about it and then yeah we split up

*jay drinks and (y/n) laughs

sorry sorry

nah i just needed that

[okay, how about we officially start the q&a portion between the of you now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jay wins

*he picks up a card and facepalms after seeing the question

goddamn

should i be scared?

not sure, but you might opt to drink though

[do you blame me for what happened to us?]

oh my god *(y/n) laughs

i know right

so we're unpacking emotions today? okay noted

you can just drink if you're not comfortable with it

i'll drink but i'll still answer, might ease your mind no?

*jay couldn't stop his head from nodding

*(y/n) drinks

i admit that i blamed you at first, but then i got to thinking that it wasn't just you, i was also at fault too since i never really vocalized what i felt? i just let it build up until it reached the point where you couldn't do anything about it anymore, and i couldn't too.

yeah but it's more of my fault since i felt something was wrong but i just brushed it off, i brushed you off.

....

shot?

*jay smiles slightly and both raised their glasses to cheers before drinking

we were both at fault and i don't blame you, jay. i hope you stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) smiles softly then picks up a card to stop any reply they might get from jay

god why are these questions so heavy? it wasn't like this from other episodes

*jay and crew laugh

okay, hit me

[what's your biggest regret about our relationship?]

what the fuck

SEE ?!

*both laugh and jay drinks

okay, next question

no, i'm answering

[we won't stop you but just reminding you both that it's okay not to answer if you drink]

the alcohol releases the unhinged-ness

in other words, this is really just us using the alcohol to actually say what we feel

i think you already the answer, and it's that i didn't do anything about us even if i felt something was wrong. i just kept on focusing on my career that i reached a point where i brushed everything off as nothing. and in the end, while i got the success i wanted, somehow i also feel like i'm on the losing end really.

*(y/n) drinks making jay laugh

what? it's my first time hearing all this !

it was a rough break so

omg is this our closure ???

*jay's eyes widened

and it's filmed ?!?!

*everyone laughs

couple goals *(y/n) does a hashtag

oh wait *(y/n) looks at jay

exes goals *both do a hashtag pose

*they laugh, ignoring the sting in their hearts

okay, okay moving on

*jay laughs again

is it a heavy one again?

nope

[do your friends hate me?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

please 😭

we have the same friends

we share a lot of mutual friends

that's why there was like tension for a month in the friend group because no one knew what to do

i'm sorry you had to endure all that friends

remember when they literally made an organized schedule to hang out where we wouldn't see each since the break up was still fresh?

yeah like i got heeseung on tuesdays

and i got him on thursdays

😭😭😭

we love them though, they did their best to console us both

thanks guys <33

*(y/n) picks up a card

goddammit

[do you think we could've actually worked out our problems?]

i think it's unfair that i get a lot of heavy questions

i have the power of god and anime on my side today

i think we could've, if i just had taken the actual time to reflect and sit down and talk, we could've worked it out.

*(y/n) slaps jay's arm

i told you, stop blaming yourself

k

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

*jay picks up a card and

oh

what?

*he is stuttering guys, he is fidgeting

[do you wish we were still together?]

oh

yeah

.....

*both drink

i mean-

*jay has been paralyzed, he did not expect (y/n) to answer

i'm happy where i am right now, maybe there are moments of weakness that the thought crosses my mind but i don't dwell on it too much. i think we're both still learning and growing.

*jay doesn't want to think about the fact that (y/n) never said a clear yes or no

*(y/n) picks up a card and groans

please just drink to this

why?

[what do you think of me now?]

....

drink.

no?

why?

because-

why?

i'm answering

why?

i want to?

no.

right now i'm just really proud of you.

*WORLD PAUSE, (y/n) is malfunctioning

it's a little sad that i didn't get to witness a lot of it but i promise i watched from afar and i'm so proud of you. like it makes me feel lighter in a way? knowing that you're still going and pursuing your dreams. it just made me at ease that -

*(y/n) drinks, looking very much like snow white's apples

are you blushing?

jay i will kick you

*he laughs and pinches (y/n) cheeks making them redder, (y/n) slaps his hands away

i won't hesitate bitch

how about you huh?

[what do you think of me now?]

*jay you should know not to tease too much or else it'll bite you back

i think you're absolutely amazing.

*jay could only blame himself

i am in constant awe and there's this pride that i have in me whenever i see you thriving. it's weird because i thought i'd be bitter about it, but since i knew of your goals and how passionate you were, all i felt was pride. it did hurt a little that i couldn't go "that's my baby!" anymore.

*alert! jay's ears are red and it's spreading to his cheeks and neck

okay next question!

*he quickly picks up a card making (y/n) burst out laughing

everything i said was true though.

hajima. stop. pause. i'm not listening

*(y/n) laughs at flustered jay

this is the last one.

[question for both: if you could tell me anything, what would you say?]

sheesh

same

rock paper scissors? loser goes first

*jay wins

*(y/n) drinks

can you turn around for this one, like don't look at me.

*jay followed

i want to say that,,,, that it's not your fault for putting your future first. it kind of stung since you made me feel like i wasn't a part of it but i know that wasn't your intention. i understand your actions and i don't blame you. if i was in your position i probably would've been the same. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder, like you said we could've made it work but i just got so tired, i hope you can forgive me for that as well.

okay i'm turning around as well, your turn

*(y/n)'s eyes are glassy, but jay doesn't need to see that

i want to say that i'm sorry for neglecting you. i feel like you're tired of me saying sorry but that's really all i could do. i forgive you by the way even if i don't get why you're apologizing to me. i also want to say that, it wasn't you. it sounds cliche but you weren't the reason i became like that, it was me. it was never you. so please don't blame yourself for anything. please don't question your worth because you were more than enough.

yah i didn't want to unpack that

well i still know you and i was given the chance to say it now so

*(y/n) turns around wiping tears, jay is sniffling

i need a drink damn

*(y/n) pours a shot and jay as well, both drink after clinking their glasses

[you guys good?]

*both looks at each other and chuckles

we're good

i can't believe we have to thank our friends for setting this up

*jay groans

[care to answer one last question that is in everyone's minds' right now?]

oh god

is it what i think it is

[will we see you guys be featured again? maybe exes to couples again?]

let's drink!

*both take one last shot and waves to the camera

*(y/n) shrugs and jay winks

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: i was planning to post this sooner but my pharma prof suddenly dropped a 6-page activity lmao rip, im scheduling the timestamps i forgot to post last update sorry sorry. my angst skills are subpar forgive me but i tried my best. i hope you like this one too !! jake's will be uploaded next ! please look forward to it <33

[mypoisonedvine]

awestruck || lee bodecker x modern!reader

based on a request for how lee would react to today's women.

word count: 1.7k

warnings: smut (including oral, m and f receiving, and anal... lots of anal), degradation/praise, reader being a complete hoe for lee bodecker because I know y'all bitches and I know what you're up to, essentially pwp because I refuse to explain how/why lee is in the modern era

You were very, very different than the women Lee was used to.

With them it had been months of courting and flowers and seduction to get a few minutes of kissing, maybe even some over-the-clothes touching, but if he went too far he got slapped and dumped.

With you it was a swipe right and half an episode of something called "net flicks" and you were straddling him and grinding on him and kissing him like you had never wanted anything so much.

With them, sex was missionary only, every other week only, in bed only, and even when he made them feel good they didn't like to show too much enthusiasm because it was unladylike, apparently.

With you it was things he hadn't even realized were options-- like the very first time, when you were holding onto his knees for balance as you bounced your ass on him, moaning loudly, your pussy gripping him for dear life.

With women back then, sex was a thing women let men have as a begrudging favor, but you begged him for it, sobbed and shook and shivered beneath him, opened your legs for him constantly... he could barely keep up, honestly, but he was more than happy to try. When he couldn't come any more at least he could get you off with his fingers or devour your cunt, and you loved it.

Almost as much, you loved doing things women absolutely did not do in 1966. Only hookers gave blowjobs then, but you got on your knees and sucked him off gladly, getting wet just from his cock down your throat. You even swallowed his come; you even let him paint your face with it and it genuinely blew his mind.

He was totally in awe of you. You weren't just the woman of his dreams, you were beyond that: never in a million years could he have dreamed up a girl like you. Even further, he never would've thought he'd actually get to call you his girl.

"Yours, yours, all yours," you chanted as he pounded you into the mattress.

"Yeah you are," he agreed, "my fuckin whore, huh? My pretty fucktoy?"

"Yes," you sobbed, and he loved how much you loved being called rude things like that. "Whatever you want..."

"But it's not about what I want, is it?" he grinned. "It's about how you want to be used, all the filthy things you want me to do to you, ain't that right?"

You whined a little but nodded.

"So tell me what you want," he prompted.

"I want... I want you to take my ass," you admitted suddenly, biting your lip a bit as he stopped moving to stare down at you in shock.

"You— I— what?" he stammered.

"You... you don't have to, if you don't want—“

"Oh, I want," he cut you off to assure, "I wanna give you anything you ask for. I just... I didn't even know... How long have you been thinkin' about this?"

"Ever since the first time you fucked me," you admitted, making him choke on his gasp. "Remember, how I rode you and you kept staring at my ass? I kept hoping you'd hold me down and put your thumb in it while you fucked me..."

"Oh Christ," he groaned, "so that's how it is then? You're tryna kill me?"

You giggled, and he pulled out to roll you onto your back, kissing you suddenly.

"You're too fuckin good to be true," he sighed against your lips. You laughed and hugged him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I'm really nothing special," you denied with a smirk as he kissed his way to your neck, "a lot of girls will do that nowadays."

"It's not that you're willing to do it, honey, it's that you want it so bad," he explained in a whisper right against your ear. "I don't need half the stuff you do, I'd be happy with wholesome lovemaking three times a week. What's so amazing is that you want more... and for some goddamn reason you want it from me."

He kissed you again, a little slower but a lot harder, until he pulled back just enough to growl: "Turn over."

You happily flipped onto your stomach, arching your back to wiggle your butt out towards him.

"Quit actin' so desperate," he scolded with a hard spank that made you groan. "You're a hell of a woman but you sure as hell ain't no lady."

"You like it," you pointed out with a grin.

"Well, that's beside the point," he smirked back as he reached down to circle your tight rim with his finger. You reached up to your bedside drawer, from which a bottle of lube appeared in your hand that you passed back to him. "Now what's a sweet girl like you doing with this in her bedside drawer, huh?" he mocked, popping the cap to apply some to his fingers. "I see, you've got all sorts of guys coming over to fuck you in the ass, I'm just one of your hookups."

"No, just you," you sighed as he started to slide his lubed up finger over your hole. "I just want you, Lee, I swear."

"Hey, you're a modern woman, it would be too much to expect you to be a devil in the sheets and strictly monogamous..."

"Lee, baby, it's just you, haven't even thought about anybody else since I met you— fuck!" you gasped, interrupting yourself as he pushed one finger in.

"Just relax honey," he instructed, "if you can't take a finger I won't put my cock in you."

"No, please, need it," you whined. "I'll be good, please..."

He smiled and pushed the second finger in, slowly twisting within you and starting to stretch you out.

"More," you whispered, almost too quiet to hear but he heard you and quickly added a third finger which made you tense up at first before relaxing again.

He was entranced by watching your body open up for him, amazed at how well you were adjusting and how clearly your noises indicated enjoyment. He wouldn't have agreed to this if he didn't think you'd like it, and he had fully prepared himself for you to change your mind, but here you were... looking like you were having an even better time than he was.

"Please, I'm ready, I want it," you begged.

"No, baby, you need a little more," he assured, pushing his fingers deeper to be sure you'd be able to take him.

"Please please pleeeaaasse, I need your cock in me, I need you to fuck my ass—!"

He cut you off with another spank, pulling his fingers out of you to slather his cock with some lube and line it up with your hole. "You're sure?" he hissed.

You nodded eagerly and he barely moved his hips forward, just enough to start to slide his head into you, and you both let out a deep noise of pleasure together. But he didn't slow down until he met the end of you, one long smooth stroke into your waiting body until his hips met yours and he thought he might lose it right then and there.

"Oh my god," he sighed, "your ass is... so fuckin' tight..."

He started to move a little faster, pinning you down as you gasped and moaned so beautifully.

"Won't be by the time I'm done with it," he promised through his teeth, picking up his pace once again as you clutched at the sheets beneath you— yet your back arched to push your hips up towards him, so it was obvious you loved it. "That's whatcha want, sweetheart? For me to stretch out your ass?"

"Please," you whimpered.

"God, you're good, you're so good," he hissed, his hips slapping into your soft flesh loudly now, his rough hands pinning your shoulders down. “Too fuckin’ good…”

Your moans sounded different than usual— deeper, needier, desperate in a way he very much understood as he tried to hold himself back from fucking you too hard. It was difficult to pick where to look since every part of you looked so beautiful like this but he went ahead and settled his gaze on your face, the breathless moan you were perpetually caught in as your eyes fell shut and your mouth was open slack.

You chanted his name in a hoarse whisper as he fucked you harder, one more reminder to both of you that it was his body filling yours, his cock penetrating you in such a taboo way.

"I'm— I'm gonna come," you stammered, causing his brain to short circuit for a moment.

"You... you're gonna come, from this? Just this?" he realized.

You nodded, and he really had to hold back to not fill you instantly at the thought of you coming from anal alone. He understood now how he had suddenly appeared in this strange time, with no idea how or why; he must have died and gone to a very fucked up heaven.

“Go ahead and come then,” he instructed darkly. “Wanna see you come for me.”

He could all but see the shiver run up your spine, your upper teeth digging into your lip as you whimpered louder and louder— and it was a bit harder than normal to tell by the feel of you that you were coming, but the noises you made were incontrovertibly those of a woman thrown into pleasure. Your eyes rolled back, your moans exhausted and weak, and he couldn’t take it anymore: with a grunt of his own, he filled your insides with his spend, barely managing to hold his weight up so he wouldn’t crush you.

You hummed, wiggling a little under him as you caught your breath, and it was almost too much on his sensitive, softening cock.

“That was… you are…” he started over a few times, not even sure what to say.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” you announced as you sat up and gave him a quick kiss. “Join me later?”

“O-okay,” he mumbled, watching you dash to the bathroom as he fell back onto the bed and contemplated the wonderful insanity his life had become with you in it. Maybe the future really is bright after all...

[mhysa-leesi]

𝕄𝕣𝕤. 𝔸𝕝𝕝-𝔸𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕟

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers 𝒳 (femme) Reader ⭐.

Summary: “Steve Rogers deserves nothing less than an All-American Apple Pie Life, with his Miss America. And he’ll stop at nothing to have it.” 

Word Count: 3,472 

TW‼: Drugging, Kidnapping, Non-Con, Smut, Minor Stockholm Syndrome, Minor Misogynistic Themes, and 1940′s Housewife Themes. 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI‼

AN: This story contains adult and dark themes, please do not proceed if you are under the age of 18 or if ANY of these warnings upset you! I am not responsible for your media consumption–you and only you are. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 

AN Cont.:  If you or anyone you know has been a victim of sexual violence, please reach out for help. I do not condone ANY of the actions described in this story, this is merely a work of FICTION. 

Steve Rogers is a hero who’s sacrificed so much for the greater good of the world. He’s been fighting his entire life, a constant cycle of getting knocked down, just to get back up and do it all again the next day. A constant blur of black and blue, of broken bones, and bloodied knuckles. Steve didn’t complain too often, he enjoyed waking up every morning and saving the world. He was grateful for the life he led, a life of justice and liberty. So, why did he feel so unfulfilled? Unaccomplished? Incomplete?

Steve would catch himself daydreaming during briefings, dreaming of his childhood. He dreamt about Coney Island, about the smell of popcorn, and the sticky feel of melting popsicles on his fingers. He was stuck in the past and he knew it, maybe he truly was “The Man Out of Time”. He’d journal his thoughts, sketching his memories in charcoal and faded colors. Mostly he’d sketch faces of his past, but there has only been one face as of late that lived within the thick pages. (Y/N). The newest Avenger, his Miss America.

He found himself fantasizing about her with every gentle curve of his pencil, imagining it was his hands running over her hips and not his graphite. The front of his jeans tightened as he shaded her breasts, and he wondered if they were as soft and supple as he made them look on paper. He captured her eyes, adding that sparkle and depth that seemed to become her. Her hair, the unruly hairs, and the ones always perfectly in place. He colored her skin, his heart skipping as he imagined running his lips over the skin of her thighs. Her star-spangled leotard left little to the imagination, so Steve found other things to imagine. The sound of her moans and whimpers, how she’d look as he took her apart one lick and thrust at a time, and how she’d look with him dripping from in-between her legs.

Steve groaned as he threw down his pencil, running his graphite-stained hands over his face in frustration before closing his sketchbook with a soft thump. He needed a distraction--and a cold shower…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was Lila, Clint’s daughter’s birthday, and all of the Avengers were invited to the festivities. Steve sat next to Bucky, both of them donning bright pink party hats with the words “Happy Birthday” on them in glitter swirls. Bucky was telling Steve about a girl he had recently met at some café or something--truth be told Steve wasn’t listening to his best friend. His attention was elsewhere, across the room, to be exact.

You were in a green tonal dress that perfectly complemented your skin tone, with puff sleeves and floral print. Steve was entranced as he watched you bounce baby Nathaniel on your hip. And he watched as the baby babbled and yanked your hair, making you laugh and wince as you handed him back to his mother. He knew at that moment what he had been missing, what he had been deprived of--what he had deserved after all this time. A family, a white-picket fence… You.

It all suddenly made sense as if he had just completed a puzzle he’d been working on since he woke up from the ice. That was what he wanted--no… It was what he needed, what he deserved. All of his life he had made sacrifice after sacrifice, the world owed him this one thing, and he’d have it. No matter the cost.

You were perfect. A nice girl with a strong head on your shoulders and a good heart, who better to start a life with? There was no question, you’d be his wife, the mother of his children. You’d see it in time, but he couldn’t wait for you. He was a man out of time, after all…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been almost a month since his revelation, but it was all due in good time. He had made the arrangements, he had been meticulous in his planning. He made sure to get every single detail right, his and your future depended on his perfection. The trap had been set, now he just needed to go hunting for his prey.

You were just coming back from training with Natasha, your skin sheen with sweat and kissed with soft purple bruises from sparring with the Widow. You were laughing at something she had said, giving Steve a small wave before making your way to the communal fridge. He patiently watched as you grabbed your water bottle, your name written in sharpie with stickers on the front. He fidgeted as you took three big gulps, smacking your lips as water dribbled down your chin and onto your chest.

Steve watched as you made your way to your bedroom, he smiled as he noticed a slight stumble in your steps. The drug took faster than he had expected. He waited until he heard the click of the closing door, but it never came. Like a silent shadow, he crept down the hall to the threshold of your room. You were splayed out on the edge of your bed, legs dangling, and your hair a mess.

He couldn’t help himself. He nudged your arm for a response and nothing; you were out cold. A dangerous smirk crossed his face as he knelt down above you, his shadow consuming you in every delicious way possible. He touched your cheek, tracing down to your jaw, and up to your lips. They were so soft, so plump, and oh, so kissable. He tasted you then, molding his lips to yours in a one-sided dance. Steve shivered as he explored your unconscious body, he groped, squeezed, and tasted your salty skin.

He stopped himself. He only had three hours to move you, six tops if his hunch about you skipping breakfast that morning was right. So, he picked up your unconscious body and began the next steps to his plan…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you awoke your limbs were stiff and mind foggy. You stretched away the stiffness and rolled onto your side, blindly reaching for your bottle of water. When your hand failed to meet your nightstand, you froze. What the hell? Confused, you reached out again; telling yourself you just misjudged the distance. But when your hand once again met an empty space, you sat up with a start. You looked around the unfamiliar bedroom. The walls were striped, the floor a godawful floral carpet, and the bed had a wooden frame and a blue blanket tucked into the corners. You blinked, thinking that this room would magically melt into your bedroom at the Tower, and when it remained the same, you blinked again for good measure. You stood on shaky legs and looked around the room once more, disbelief clouding your better judgment. The bedroom looked straight out of a 1940’s catalog.

When the lock on the bedroom door jiggled, you whirled around with your fists raised to meet your captor. You were prepared to see a HYDRA Agent or some other villain with a vendetta against you. What you weren’t prepared for was Steve Rogers. He stood dressed in his old military uniform, his hair neatly combed, and his face clean-shaven.

“Steve? What’s going on?” you asked.

“What do you mean?”

What do I mean? “This,” you gesture wildly with your hands in disbelief, “Where are we?”

“Home,” he said calmly.

“Whose home?”

“Ours, honey,”

You narrowed your eyes at the man before you. This couldn’t be your Steve Rogers, this wasn’t your Captain or friend. This was… someone else. You took a tentative step forward, searching for an eerie glow to his blue eyes, for an explanation for his weird behavior. This had to be mind-control, some elaborate HYDRA plot to disarm the Avengers. This wasn’t Steve, right?

“Steve,” you said carefully, “this isn’t our home. We live at the Tower, remember? With Nat, Sam, and Bucky?”

Steve’s frown deepened as you continued to speak to him like an incompetent child, “No. This is our new home, (Y/N). I made it just for us.”

You nodded along as you slowly crept forward toward the door. He shyly stuffed his hands in his pockets as he continued speaking, confessing. When you were close enough, you bolted past him. But you weren’t faster than Steve Rogers. He caught you by the ponytail and threw you back into the bedroom on the floor, kicking the door shut behind him. You scrambled to your feet and into a defensive position as Steve made another grab for you. You twisted and threw a right hook to his jaw, the strength of your powered punch was enough to send him stumbling backward, but it wasn’t enough to win against him. The same serum that made him had made you, too. But you’d be a goddamn idiot to think that you were stronger than Steve Rogers.

You made another run for the exit, but you didn’t get very far as Steve caught you yet again by your ankle. You kicked, punched, scratched, and flailed as he overpowered you. The man straddled your wriggling form and placed his hands around your throat. Squeezing and squeezing until the oxygen caught in your throat and your limbs began to relax. Your arms and legs went lax as your vision began to dot and blacken. When you let out the last wisp of air from your lungs is when Steve released you. You wheezed and gasped like a fish out of the water as you struggled to breathe, to fill your lungs with oxygen once again. You massaged your throat and glared up at Steve who was straightening and dusting off his uniform.

“I’ll only tell you this once, (Y/N). If you disobey me, in any way shape, or form, you’ll be punished. Don’t make me repeat myself,” he warned, “Now, get cleaned up. Dinner is almost ready.”

He opened the closet and pulled out a baby blue dress with silver embroidered star details around the off-shoulder neckline, and set it on the bed before you. You sat on the floor, just silently glaring and snarling as he knelt down in front of you with a small velvet box and diamond ring in hand. He grabbed your left hand and went to place it on your ring finger, but before he could slide the diamond on your finger, you wrenched your hand away and cracked him across the cheek. The slap seemed to echo throughout the room as his jaw ticked in silent anger. Before you could react, Steve pulled his hand back and returned the slap. The impact sent your head whipping sharply to the side, and caused your eyes to water with prickling, unshed tears. Your cheek stung when you touched it.

“I told you, (Y/N),” he sighed, “You made me do that.”

“I didn’t make you do shit, Rogers,” you spit.

You flinched as he pointed an angry and threatening finger in your face, “Language.”

He left you then after reminding you of dinner. Alone in the bedroom, you scowled at the dress that seemed to mock you. You threw it onto the floor and stomped out of the room, fueled by anger and hatred.

You found him in the kitchen, knife in hand as he carved a glazed turkey. His smile dropped as he took in your dress-less form. You were still in your gym clothes from earlier. Steve’s nostrils flared as he set the knife down, he stared at the turkey before turning his gaze to you.

“You’re not wearing the dress,”

“No,” you said flatly.

“And why not?”

You scoffed at him, “Why do you think, Steve?”

He moved his head to the side as he grumbled something under his breath. His knuckles were white as he gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. You smirked triumphantly, you didn’t know why, but getting under his skin was satisfying. You weren’t going to make this easy for him, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be wearing that damn dress.

As if he had read your mind, he looked back at you with an ominous smile. He rounded the counter and stood in front of you, his large frame so much bigger than yours. In any other scenario, it would’ve been intimidating--having your Captain looming over you so threateningly. But right now, at this moment, you couldn’t care less. You wanted to piss him off, to knock him down off his pedestal. You’d be damned if you bent to his sick will.

Your eyes darted behind Steve to the counter where the knife waited for you. Before he could track your movements, you made a dive for it. Rolling over the island as you quickly readied the knife. You slashed and stabbed at Steve, growling in frustration as he effortlessly blocked and dodged all of your attacks. In one quick and fluid movement, Steve grabbed and twisted your wrist; forcing you to drop the knife. Your heart breaking with the loud clatter as it hits the floor.

Steve dragged you to the table by the back of your neck and slammed your cheek down onto the wood. Empty wine glasses and plates clattered with the impact. You grunted and kicked out your legs blindly, settling for a shin kick--anything. Steve slammed your head against the table once more as you continued to fight against him. He did it again, and again, and again until your vision blurred and your blood splattered against the polished wood. You weakly clawed at the plates and silverware around you, desperately trying to cling onto something. When your fingers wrapped around on a fork, you didn’t hesitate. You stabbed Steve’s thigh and summoned all of your remaining strength to throw him into the wall.

You fell back as you panted for breath, arming yourself with another piece of random cutlery. You threw a steak knife, missing him by just an inch. Steve growled as he dragged you by your kicking legs, hauling you up, just to slam you down onto the table once more. He held your face down as he growled in your ear.

“You have a lot of fight in you, (Y/N). Breaking you is going to be so much fun, honey,”

Slam.

“I’ll beat that spark out of you, if you make me, (Y/N). So why don’t you just be a good girl for me, hmm?”

Steve took hold of your neck once more as he guided you up the stairs and into the bedroom. He shoved you down onto the bed, and you landed on your stomach with a bounce. Your head was throbbing with an uncomfortable fog that settled over your thoughts. You murmured weakly in protest as Steve began to undress you. You felt the blood from your head drip down to your ear and down your neck.

Panic set your heart in motion as you felt him tug your leggings down your legs. Your brain and body kicked into a desperate overdrive as you writhed beneath him. You tried to shove him away, you summoned all of your super strength and thrashed, but you were simply no match for him--you were utterly powerless and at his mercy. His hands explored your thighs, dipping between them and squeezing that soft, supple inner skin. You scrambled to your knees, inadvertently pressing and grinding your ass to his front. He groaned as he moved his hands to your hips, angling them up as he ground down onto you with a silent promise of what was to come.

His hand dipped down and he held his prize within his hand. He groped and you grunted as you clawed blindly at his forearms, grabbing his wrists as he yanked down your cotton panties past your knees. You screamed as he shoved his fingers inside you, forcing his knuckles past your folds. You kicked and cursed him, hoping your struggle would be enough for him to let you go. You screamed louder than you had ever screamed before, so loud your head ached and lungs burned. With an annoyed grunt, Steve wrapped his thick arm around your neck in a chokehold to shut you up. You babbled breathlessly as you slapped at his arm.

“Steve,” you choked, “Please…”

He gave you one last strong warning squeeze before letting you fall flat on your back, coughing and gasping for breath.

“All you had to do was be good for me, (Y/N). I told you, bad girls get punished,”

He withdrew as he undid his fly. You swallowed thickly, wincing as your throat burned from his assault. You grabbed at his wrists, but he just batted your weak hands away as he held you down with one hand. The other gripping his thick, swollen length. You saw the muscles of his stomach tighten as he parted your legs. His grip on the back of your knees was bruising as he held them apart, lining himself up to your entrance. You tried once more to shimmy away, but he had you where he wanted you; vulnerable and open to him. He bent over you, his eyes black with lust, as he invited himself inside of you. He pushed himself inside, agonizingly slow, inch by inch, just relishing in the grip of you. You were too dry, too unwelcoming, but it didn’t matter to him. You were perfect, warm, and tight. He moaned then, as he forced himself deeper into you, pushing and pushing until his pelvis touched yours.

“Steve, please,” you sobbed, “please, stop…”

He shushed your pleas as his face scrunched in pleasure with every shallow thrust. You gritted your teeth to keep yourself silent, you wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. But he didn’t seem to notice as he tilted your hips up, finding his own slow, steady rhythm as he fucked into you. He cupped your face and forced his lips onto yours, his tongue swiping and exploring your mouth. You slapped at his head, but he never relented, never pulled back from his searing kiss. He moaned into your mouth as his hips skipped a beat. You took that opportunity, the falter of his hips, to bite down on his tongue. Then, did he finally relent.

He pulled away from you, his hips stilling inside of you. He carefully touched his tender tongue, scowling as he pulled away bloodied fingers. Steve drew back his hand and slapped you across the face. The smack of flesh striking flesh echoed throughout the room. You sneered at him and he frowned in disappointment before cracking you once more. You yelped as he held you down by your neck. Steve had found a new rhythm, and it was relentless. His tempo was fast, and he made sure to never miss a beat as he hammered into your abused cunt. He put pressure on your throat, but not enough to send you into a pool of cold unconsciousness. No… he wanted you awake for this, lucid, and remembering.

His groans and moans grew louder, duetting with the lewd notes of your squelching pussy and his skin slapping against yours. The repulsive symphony he had conducted finally reached its ungodly climax. You sobbed as you felt his warmth flood within you, as he shamelessly emptied himself deep inside of you. He sat back on his haunches, gently pulling himself from your wet grip. Your body instantly curled in on itself, shielding you from the man before you. The man you had once admired. You lay there, just shaking, whether it was from shock or anger, you didn’t know.

You felt as he dropped the baby blue dress with the silver embroidered stars next to you. You sniffled as you looked at the dress in defeat, silently dressing in the blue cotton. When you were dressed, Steve helped you to your feet, holding you against his chest as he gently swayed you. He caressed your head, embracing you gently as if he hadn’t just used your body, as if he was your sweet and loving husband, as if this was normal.

“Dinner is probably cold by now,” he sighed, “It’s okay, though. You can try again tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” your voice was smaller now, weaker, afraid.

He hummed, “It’s a wife’s duty to cook and care for her husband, (Y/N). I think I’d like meatloaf for dinner, and apple pie for dessert. What do you think, honey?”

You hesitated, you wanted to spit at him, to curse, to smack, punch, and kick, but your body was frozen against his. When you didn’t reply, his grip on you tightened threateningly, making you flinch.

“Yes, that sounds good, Steve,” you whispered. He kissed your head as he gently swayed you, his warm release slowly dripping down your shaking legs.

[quillquiver]

Destiel, kinda 15x18 coda, gratuitous fluff. Clowning hours are OPEN, people.

It feels like it happens in slow motion.

Cas has stumbled to his feet, touching his chest and trenchcoat like he’s confused by their tangibility. He turns just in time for Jack to tackle-hug him, and for Sam to lope over and wrap his freakishly long arms around them both. Dean thinks they’re laughing, but it’s hard to tell over the rushing in his ears. He feels like he’s walking through molasses.

There are so many things he wants to say, but the words get caught in his throat like an inconvenient, gay traffic jam and it’s all he can do to put one foot in front of the other. Sam and Jack drift away. Cas turns.

And then it’s just the two of them.

Cas looks—alive, which is really all that matters. Same blue eyes, same wild dark hair, same clothes. He’s wearing this beaming smile that’s fading in his mouth but staying in his eyes, despite the fact that his shoulders start to tense. He is deliberately, inhumanely still. He’s nervous, Dean realizes.  

Dean’s thought about this a lot. Years. He’s lost sleep over it; not only his own confession, but the idea of… them together; how that would work, what it’d look like. It’s been a source of anxiety and comfort and desire, and now that everything’s over, now that he gets to have his big friggin’ moment, everything he’s ever imagined flies out the goddamn window.

Dean moves before he understands what he’s doing, crushing Castiel to his chest, arms tight around his shoulders, squeezing squeezing if only to convince himself that this is real, he’s here, he’s alive, he’s here. It takes a breath for Cas to hug back, but he does, seemingly content to stay there forever which—sure, but no, because Dean reaches up with one stupid, shaking hand to cradle the back of Cas’s skull, and then he pulls away with just enough space to look into those dumb, gorgeous, blue eyes and—

It isn’t a single kiss.

Sure, there’s the first one; hard and dry and desperate. Clinging. But then there’s another, and another, and he’s calling Cas an asshole and an idiot and saying shit like don’t you ever do that again. And they keep kissing, because now that Dean’s started, he can’t stop; he wants to kiss this man until he gets fucking stubble burn and then kiss him some more. Wants to take him out on a date. Wants to take him to bed.

“How could you—after everything—”

Cas twists his fingers into Dean’s overshirt.

“I—Cas, I—”

Cas nods against his mouth.

And then Dean’s gay traffic jam becomes decidedly un-stuck.

He wrenches away, hands pressing to Cas’s chest when he tries to follow. He’s gorgeous like this; disheveled and flushed to hell, and Dean spares a moment to be embarrassed for them both when Cas drifts forward again like he just can’t help himself. Dean’s fingers press against his reddened lips. “You’re oblivious,” he breathes. His hand moves to trace the line of his brow, the apple of his cheek. Cas watches him raptly, caught somewhere between elation and awe. Dean thumbs the bolt of his jaw. “You need to pay better attention.”

Cas clutches at his wrist. “Dean—”

“How could you ever think I don’t love you?”

Cas flounders, mouthing moving like a fish out of water. “I-I’ll endeavor to do better in the future,” he says. Swallows thickly. Watches as Dean drifts close and brushes their mouths together in an impression of a kiss, something vulnerable and delicate and fucking terrifying.

“…Good,” Dean says. “I—I’ll do that, too.”

[wri0thesley]

I understand if you got too many requests or are not interested but... maybe you'd like to entertain the neko curse situation but reverse the situation? Meaning it's the jjk men who got hit by that curse and turned into nekos! Maybe they tried to protect their s/o and ended up changed themselves but somehow before disappearing the curse left a mark on the s/o and the effects won't be reversed until the mark disappears (so no easy idle transmutation to solve this problem, mahito~)

not sfw, minors dni!

♡ —-> below the cut: gojo, nanami, geto, toji, sukuna, mahito, naoya, choso <—-  ♡

♡ Gojo immediately asks you if you think he’s a cute cat; which of course, you do. He’s got fluffy white ears and a majestic fluffy white tail that you desperately want to pet. He immediately, too, knows how to fix the curse - but the way you’re looking at him is so interesting that he can’t pass up a chance to see if you’ll make a move on him like this.

You end up curled up against him, your fingers delicately petting the soft, thick white fur of his ears whilst his eyes go half-lidded and he murmurs something about how he could get used to this. He tells you that he doesn’t think that being a lap cat is such a bad profession, actually, so long as the lap that he gets to sleep in is yours. 

- ♡ -

♡ Nanami is not sure how to proceed. He’s rather like a cat already; a solitary, elegant creature who doesn’t trouble himself to exceed more effort than he has to unless the situation calls for it. But actually having the features of a cat is different. He doesn’t like how sensitive his new ears are (especially when he tries to call Gojo). He doesn’t like how his tail fits in his tailored slacks. He works out the mark almost immediately - and then wants to go back to his place so the two of you can discuss breaking the curse, in private, before anyone sees what has happened to him.

He will not want to be intimate whilst he’s the one with the cat ears and tail; he’s too nervous for that. But he will accept gentle strokes, scritches behind the ear, a delicate top-to-tail rub from the back of his neck and onwards until his back arches and he sighs, a rumbling purr emanating from his throat. 

- ♡ -

♡ Geto does not want this to have happened. He is a well-mannered, polite curse user who uses his honeyed tones and his way of persuasion to bring people over to his side - and the new ears and tail that he is having to get used to are making people not take him seriously. He’s a very smart man; from the minute it happens, he’s running through all of the curses he has on him that might be able to help him figure out how to help.

Unfortunately, Nanako and Mimiko think that their father figure with cat-like instinct is the cutest thing in the world, and he keeps getting accidentally distracted by toys they throw for him or the stick with a dangling feather they’ve somehow procured. Part of him wants to tell them off; part of him can’t help but smile to see them having fun. If you join in with Nanako and Mimiko, though, Geto’s eyes go very dark and his smirk turns very crooked - and you can bet that, cat ears or no cat ears, Geto will punish you for being so forward later on tonight. 

- ♡ -

♡ Toji is grunting and grumbling about the curse, reaching up to scratch at the dark-furred ears protruding from his head. You bite back your cry of how adorable he looks; there’s a scowl on his face that you know is bad news, as his eyes fly over the mark on your wrist and he heaves a world-weary sigh. “Guess we’ve gotta work this one out together, huh?” He asks you, wry smile tugging at scarred lips. “C’mere--”

He pulls you into his lap, his hands massive as he gets you comfortable. He’s like a cat padding into his blankets, making biscuits on the soft meat of his thighs as he presses his chin onto your shoulders and begins to muse aloud about all of the ways that he can think of that he can get the curse to lift.

You can’t help but squirm as he kneads your skin, your ass pressing directly against the bulge in his pants as his breathing gets more ragged - and eventually, you’re pinned down onto the sofa beneath him, his tail flicking, agitated, as he murmurs; “You’ve really got me goin’ now, sweetheart--”

- ♡ -

♡ Sukuna … yes, Sukuna isn’t happy about it. He doesn’t think the King of Curses should be cute. This curse can sense his energy, and there are clearly tiger ears or big cat ears perched on his head, his tail long and thick - but still. He’s mad that he’s been made fun of, he’s mad that the curse has happened, he’s mad that the curse had the nerve to lay its mark on you when you’re his beloved little pet and his property and only he should ever be allowed to. If he can’t break out of it straight away, he’s smart and powerful enough to have formulated a plan before the end of the night.

But Sukuna’s sex drive is as insatiable as the rest of him, and he cannot go one night without burying himself within the tight, warm confines of your body. You will be pinned beneath him by four claws, a gazelle pinned beneath a tiger as he grins down at you aware that he is very much ‘the predator catching his prey’. You will enjoy his method of catching. 

- ♡ -

♡ Mahito is very interested in this new development. Honestly, he’s not overtly attached to his ‘human’ form - he uses his idle transfiguration on himself with little thought - and he quite likes the ears and the tail, and he certainly likes the way you look at him and curiously reach out to give him scratches on the sensitive new additions. He’s a little embarrassed by the low vibration that comes from his throat, the purr at being touched - but he’s also a creature interested in new developments and new sensations, and this certainly falls into both of those ball parks. The real problem is when he realises he can no longer use the transmutation to get into his other forms. He needs to be able to do that, for all of his plans - it doesn’t matter if he can still transmute humans, he wants the freedom to do whatever he wants to his own form. Mahito is determined when he sets his mind to it, and the moment he realises the mark on you is somehow connected to his new state, he is not going to rest until the both of you have gotten to the bottom of things.

Yes, he’ll explore how it feels to be petted and have his tail tugged and be collared in bed before you do that, though. Mahito takes every opportunity as one for pleasure, and he finds that even though you’re his little human pet first and foremost, he doesn’t mind if the roles are reversed as long as it’s temporary. 

-  ♡ -

♡ Naoya absolutely hates this development. He is the goddamn future leader of the Zen’in clan, and nobody is going to take him seriously with a tail sticking out of the waistband of his hakama and a pair of ears that don’t match his hair tufting from his head. He tries very hard to hide them from absolutely everyone, jamming his tail in his clothes and a hat on his head and trying extremely hard not to get distracted by passing shiny lights dancing on the windowpanes. When he figures out it’s something to do with the mark on you, he might blame you for it a little bit - but he insists that if you help him sort out the predicament he’s in, he’ll be lenient on you during your punishment.

As a cat, he’s a hissing, spitting fussy little thing - when the question of intimacy does come up, he’s still willing and wanting to fuck you, but he’s even more animalistic than usual. Nails-come-claws digging into your bare skin, slightly elongated fangs scraping along your soft skin. 

- ♡ -

♡ Choso is perplexed by the tail and the ears, hesitantly reaching up to touch them and shooting you awkward looks. He even tries to hide them from you at first, worried you’ll be upset by it - but when you look at them with your lip bitten and gently pet the base of his tail so his back arches, he realises that you’re not disgusted, just . . . interested. They don’t exactly get in his way, but he’s definitely flustered by the way people look at him with new additions. He doesn’t want to draw more attention than necessary to himself. The thing that upsets him most is that the mark is on your body; he wants this to be his own burden to bear, and he hates himself for getting you dragged into it. 

He’ll let you touch his new additions hesitantly whilst the two of you are intimate, but he won’t initiate. He gets all awkward and flustered by the petting, surprised by how turned on he is when you coo that he’s such a good kitty for you--

- ♡ -