#i want to make even more but I'm so low on so many letters that I can't really make anything I want 😭 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vanteguccir · 9 months ago

Text

── ୨୧ !　𝗖𝗔𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗠𝗘?

　　　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍�� x reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N is a worldwide famous singer, but her favorite thing in the world is hearing Chris singing just for her.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: No.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

When you are a world-famous singer who performs at least once a month, tours every year, models, acts, does interviews, is looked at everywhere by papparazzi and scouts, has articles published about you - often with false information -, it was safe to say that Y/N needed a place to rest, and hers was next to Chris.

Her resting with him was many things: spending hours marathoning mindless movies on the couch wrapped in a fluffy blanket and her boyfriend's arms, or when she could lay on Chris's lap and sink into a new book; sometimes it was when her house shared with the triplets smelled like her favorite cake, or when she spent the day making a new DIY that she found on tiktok...

Y/N was a girl with simple tastes, she didn't need much to be impressed, just a few minutes next to Chris were enough for her to feel like the luckiest girl in the world and finally be able to relax her body completely, getting rid of the adrenaline of having a life as an artist.

Don't get me wrong, Y/N loved her profession, since she was little her biggest dream was to be able to perform in front of a crowd and show her talent, and her fans provided that for her; seeing a sea of people in front of her singing along to a song she composed made her see stars, the adrenaline that coursed through her veins when she picked up her pink microphone and could walk, dance, run and jump around the stage freely while singing the lyrics that referred to important moments in her life was incredible.

But nothing compared to waking up next to Chris in the morning and finding the sleepy face she loved so much along with his husky morning voice, or cooking homemade food for them and receiving a hug from behind that was always accompanied by "I love you so much". No moment in front of interviewers with overpriced magazines compared to when Chris won a round of one of his video games and got up from his chair with an excited scream, running over to where Y/N was and showering her with kisses.

Don't even remind me of the thousands of butterflies that flew together in Y/N's stomach when Chris wrote one of his love letters to her, delivering it along with several sweets and chocolates that she was addicted to - a weekly event in their lives.

Y/N's professional life was hectic and tiring, when she wasn't on a plane going from one country to another, she was in a studio recording a new song, or on a famous program answering very controversial questions.

So, when her busy day's were over and she could simply be Y/N, she would go straight into Chris's arms, where she knew she would receive comfort and security.

And that's exactly what she did today. After a turbulent day in the studio recording her new songs, making wrong high notes and having to redo them, crossing out written verses and rewriting them, the girl just wanted to get home and dive into her boyfriend's arms.

Y/N slowly closed the door to her shared room with Chris, her eyes wandering to the low lights and the almost imperceptible sound coming from the television, which was turned on in a random series.

Chris was already in bed dressed in his pajamas, the fluffy gray blanket covering his body up to his shoulders. He had his eyes almost closed from the intense tiredness, but he seemed to fight against it.

That was another thing that Y/N loved about Chris, regardless of what time she came home, he would always be waiting for her awake - more or less.

The girl walked with light steps to the nightstand on her side of the bed, taking the remote control and turning off the television, complete silence settling in the room.

"Hey, I didn't hear you coming." The brunette's sleepy voice caught Y/N's attention, who turned her face towards him, seeing him still lying in the same position, but with his blue eyes now very much open and looking at her. Probably having "woken up" due to the lack of the background sound.

"Hi my love, I just arrived. I'm just going to take a shower and come to bed with you." Y/N responded in a whisper.

"Okay." He said softly, looking at her from below with doe eyes.

Y/N leaned over the bed momentarily, sealing her lips over Chris' soft ones for a few seconds before getting up again and walking to the bathroom.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N opened the bathroom door, the steam from the hot shower escaping momentarily as she crossed to the bedroom, already in her pajamas, before closing it again.

She walked slowly to the bed, seeing Chris lying on his side and holding his phone with one of his hands, looking more awake than before - or trying to -, the screen brightness turned to a minimum as his thumb scrolled through his Instagram feed.

Chris lifted his head slightly when he heard her approaching, a lazy smile stretching across his face as he stretched slowly, locking the screen of his phone and briefly placing it on top of his bedside table. He opened his arms, waiting for his girlfriend to lay there.

Y/N returned the smile, lifting the gray blanket and laying down on her side of the bed, snuggling in before burying herself in Chris's arms. She ran her nose down his neck, breathing in the fresh scent of soap on his skin, caressing the sensitive spot with her lips.

His hands circled her shoulders, a sigh of pleasure escaping his lips at the comfort that the warmth post-bath of Y/N's body provided. The girl lifted her left hand, running it through Chris' hair, brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

"How was your day?" Chris asked softly a few seconds later, his blue eyes taking in his girl's tired features.

The deep sigh that escaped her mouth was answer enough for him: tiring.

"Did you eat anything? Are you hungry?" He continued, lifting his right hand - which was previously on Y/N's waist - and taking her left hand from his own hair, bringing it to his lips and sealing the soft skin for a few seconds, keeping his attention on her face.

"I had lunch, honey, I'm not hungry." She replied, a tired smile appearing on her lips at his affectionate gesture.

"Don't you want me to get you a snack? Lunch was many hours ago, kitten." Chris intertwined their fingers, only receiving a shake of her head.

"Can you sing f'me?" Y/N asked in a low, weak tone, her words barely noticeable.

A goofy smile grew on Chris's face, his eyes shining with excitement and love. He adored it when his singer girlfriend asked him to sing for her, it seemed too ironic to be true, but that was exactly what Y/N adored most.

"What do you want today? Rap, pop or rock?" He teased, a soft chuckle escaping Y/N's lips as she rolled her eyes, intertwining their legs together and scooting closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder, placing a little kiss on the region.

"Anything is fine, I just want to hear you sing." She asked, eager to listen her boy's soft voice against her ear.

"Y/N baby, I dedicate this one for you." He joked, a smile on his voice before he started to sing a song that he knew that was one of his girl's favorite. "Stay bugging out, days on end..." Chris began slowly, resting his chin on his girlfriend's head, his voice now sounding hoarse and low, intensifying Y/N's drowsiness. "Days on end."

Her eyes began to flutter closed, her heartbeat calming down as the weight of her shoulders seemed to drain down her body, her limbs relaxing completely.

"Play this often, don't take this shit too seriously." He continued gently, stroking Y/N's back in circles with his left hand, feeling the area lose its previous tension. "Know you get insecure, wish I had more wisdom for you..."

Y/N took a deep breath lightly, allowing her mind to drift off into the world of dreams, Chris's voice becoming muffled and almost null against her ears, but her brain seemed to still register it, using it as a personal tranquilizer.

"Sleep, babe." Chris whispered after singing some more lines, noticing her closed eyes and slightly open mouth.

He pressed his lips to the top of his girlfriend's head, before snuggling closer against her body, allowing himself to sleep, Y/N's slow breathing serving as his favorite lullaby.

583 notes · View notes

scenteddelusion5 · 9 months ago

Note

Hi, can I request a platonic Rosie(or several overlords if that’s okay) with a Female reader who’s a teenager overlord who accidentally became an overlord?

The Overlord of Disasters

Fem teenage reader x platonic Rosie (and other overlords)

This got way too long so I tried to shorten it, hope you still enjoy it.

Word count: 2886

Note: I actually am working on a young adult/teenager oc that has the powers to become an overlord, so the fact that this is my first request is very funny. When I've finished her design, I'll write about her. But for now, here is the story of Y/n the overlord of disasters.

Y\n had to admit that she wasn't the nicest person but she never expected to end up in hell. HELL, like yess she was a bit of a troubled teen... she was a petty thief, yess, but some of her peers were much worse. Besides, she was only fifteen when she died. She never had the chance to do better. That should've given her at least some leeway? Right?? RIGHT???

But no, she ended up in hell.

When Y/n first arrived, she roamed the dangerous streets looking for shelter. Her face and slim goat-like stature was hidden by a torn cloak. She tried to be inconspicuous, discreet, low-key but she overlooked one thing... Our Y/n was ridiculously clumsy. So when she tripped over her own foot, her arm bumped into the light pole causing it to fall over onto a postal van. That in turn caused all the letters to fly out on the street. Some of the papers got carried up by the wind, eventually getting stuck onto the cord of a power pylon. Then there was fire, which spread onto a building...

Everyone's eyes were focused on her, including a set of hollow eye socket. It didn't take long for the demons that lived in the now burning building to storm her.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!" One incredibly tall shark demon took the lead. "I'm going to rip fucking longs out of your chest and feed it to those CANIBAL FREAKS!!!"

At first Rosie didn't want to intervene. It really wasn't her style to get involved into random street fights, even though she found Y/n's disastrous display hilarious. But now that the loan shark insulted her people, she felt it was her duty to step in.

"Gentlemen, whatever might be the problem?" Rosie stepped in between you and the threatening hoard and flashed her sharp teeth to them. "You aren't bullying this poor newcomer, right?"

"Uhm, n-no miss, uhm Rosie. We're sorry." Before Rosie could open her mouth again, they ran back into the still burning building.

The overlord then turned to you. "Now darling, I take it you don't have a place to stay?"

Y/n shook her head.

"Then you can stay with me. I'm quite the powerful demon."

From that day on Y/n stayed with Rosie. During the years of living together, the two grew quite close. The overlord took over a motherly role for the teen. Everyone in cannibal town loved the unofficially adopted daughter of Rosie, they were even willing to put up with Y/n's clumsy nature.

Rosie truly loved her and when Y/n accidentally called her mom while helping out in the store, she was the happiest demoness in all of hell.

From that day on Rosie introduced Y/n as her daughter to anyone and everyone, even some of her fellow overlords.

Alastor and Y/n had met many times and often had tea together. The man often joked about how it's never boring with her. She had also met Zestial and Camilla a few times, but she wasn't as close with them as Alastor and Rosie.

One day Y/n had to make a trip to the Doomsday district. Rosie had, reluctingly, sent you to deliver a dress to a customer. She was all alone, her hand rested on the angelic steel knife on her belt. Rosie had given it to her so she could protect herself, just in case. Most people knew you were close to several overlords but you could never be more careful, especially Y/n.

Y/n was repeating her 'safety protocol' in her head.

Stay away from the walls

stay away from the poles

stay away from the demons

Stay away from the fire

Look where you step

Hold th-

She walked into something and fall back on her but. Looking up was a demon she recognized... An overlord, he was in charge of the Doomsday district.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!!" This situation seemed awfully familiar.

Y/n clenched her shirt. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to."

"I DON'T CARE!!!"

The demon was menacingly towering over her. She crawled back and pulled herself up. Seeing as this wasn't going to be resolved with a pleasant conversation over tea, Y/n pulled out her knife. Her arms were shaking and the knife felt heavy in her hands.

"What do you think that toothpick is going to do?" He stepped forward and you stepped back. On and on until she hit the wall... OH no... she hit the wall...

Her elbow hit the random waterpipe on the side of the building and broke it. Water spewed out right into the overlord's face. The demon fell back. The water had landed on the street, causing a car to slip and running over the overlord and crashing into the wall. This in turn caused the satellite aerial to fall down and slightly bumped your back. The knife shot out of your hand right into overlord. The aerial send out a weird frequency.

"Spare me... Please..." The overlord gasped out.

Y/n was still shaken up. "What?... Uhm I don't plan on killing you." her voice sounded unsure, which the overlord took way different than you meant.

"Please!" He wailed. "I'm begging you... You can have all my souls, just please."

"I don't uhm..."

"PLEASE!!! TAKE THEM!!!"

"... Sure...??" She said very confused. "I'll take them." The two shook hands and immediately, Y/n could feel the pure power flowing through her veins. "Alright... Bye now?" As she stepped away a shadow covered the overlord. Before Y/n could look up a piano hit the demon, pushing the knife deeper in effectively killing him.

What the fuck just happened?

Everything was quiet. All eyes were on her, again... As always, only this time, she doubted she would be saved this time. She was prepared to be killed again... Only nobody did anything, no demons threatening to kill her, no stray bullets that got way to close to her head, not even another butterfly effect disaster... The demons around just stared.

One small demon with black eyes walked up to you... "What are you going to do to us?"

"What...?"

"What are you going to do to us?" He repeated. "You are the new overlord of the Doomsday district, you own our souls."

"I... I don't." She awkwardly grabbed at her sleeves. "I'm not an overlord."

"Yes, you are. You defeated the previous overlord of doom, took over his souls and territory, you became an overlord." Y/n stayed silent at this. "How about we talk in private?" He took her into a smaller building nearby, away from all prying eyes. "Let's start over. I'm Piper. You own my soul." The small demon introduced himself.

"Uhm... Y/n, and I'm no overlord. Overlords are like scary, like WHA!" She made grabby gestures with her hands. "And BOE! I'm anything but that."

Piper looked at her like she had just grown another head. "How about this? I'll keep your territory in control while you think this over a bit? And in turn, you'll keep me in high up in the social latter here."

Her mouth was dry. "... Deal..?" She was so confused.

From that day on Piper took care of the Doomsday district for her. Y/n never went to Rosie about this. She always wanted to keep her daughter safe and would be so mad to find out she got into trouble again... At least that's what Y/n convinced herself.

Even though Piper took care of most of the problems in the Doomsday district, word got around of the new overlord of disasters; a terrifying force of nature that shouldn't be reckoned with. So of course there were demons that wanted to challenge her. Every other day y/n needed to sneak out of Cannibal town to 'fight' these challengers. See 'fight' as in accidentally defeating them.

Y/n was filing her bag with a cloak and a mask she picked up to hide her identity when a knock came from her door.

"Y/n darling! It's me and Alastor." Rosie opened the door and summoned a table. "Please sit down, we want to talk to you."

She sat down in the Victorian style chair, but not before stumbling a bit.

"Little lamb, your mother is worried about you." Alastor broke the silence.

"Deary, you've been sneaking out a lot and staying away for longer and longer and when you come home you're exhausted-" Rosie took a deep breath "- what I'm trying to say is that you can talk to me if something's wrong... You know that right?" Her cheeks were droopy, a frown plastered on her porcelain face, it made Y/n's stomach turn.

"I'm fine, mom. There is no need to worry about me." She lied.

Alastor's eyebrows down, almost like he wanted to frown, but he still had that giant smile on his face. "Are you sure? If somebody is bothering you, we don't mind serving them for tonight's dinner. Hahaha." He joked, underneath, however, he was nervous. The Radio demon had grown quite fond of her and, knowing how clumsy she could be, he couldn't help but worry.

"No, one is bothering me... Thank you for offering though." At this point, Y/n had grown used to the cannibalistic tendencies of the people around her and so shrugged Alastor's joke off.

Rosie had a bad feeling about this. "Can you at least tell us where you've been sneaking of to?"

Shit

Y/n didn't have excuse for this. "J-just some friends... I.. I didn't want them to be scared off, so I didn't tell them about you. I'm sorry mom." Tears filled her eyes, she didn't want to lie to her. Rosie had done so much for her... She was planning on giving this whole being an overlord up anyway, there was no reason for Y/n to tell the truth now. It'll be like it never happened and then she can go back to her normal life with her mom.

Rosie stared into her cup. "Alright deary, but please make sure to be careful. Genuine friends are rare in hell."

"Thanks mom." Y/n stood up again and left the imperium, through the front door this time.

Alastor squinted his eyes, following your silhouette. Something was wrong, you were lying. He could feel it... But this was Rosie's responsibility, so he should leave it up to her. "She is lying."

"I know but if she isn't ready to talk about it, then I'll wait."

"On a different note, did you hear that the Doomsday district has a new overlord." Alastor took a sip from his 'Oh, Deer' mug. "They've been defeating demon after demon. I've been meaning to meet them for my radio show, would you like to come with me?"

Y/n was walking down the street to the Doomsday district. I should've just told Rosie the truth. She thought. But she had panicked and lied, only making it harder for herself.

Stepping into the same, small building where Piper first dragged her off too, Y/n put on her overlord disguise.

"You didn't break anything, right?" Piper asked, dressed in a brand-new suit. "I don't want to fix the sewerage again."

"It went fine!" She put up her thumb, before knocking over a chair that landed on a vase, breaking it in two thousant pieces. "Sorry."

Y/n and Piper walked around the district for a while, more so to let the demons know that the overlord of disaster was still around and that they were close with Piper. She caused chain reactions all around her, letting people know she got her title for a reason... Not her fault the denizens of hell took it the wrong way.

The two were rounding the corner when a familiar set came into view... What were Rosie and Alastor doing here? Y/n's panic only grew once she realised Alastar was trying to get her attention. Did they recognize her? What was happening?

As the two overlords came closer and closer, Y/n ducked into an alleyway and seemingly disappeared~

The dumpster wasn't Y/n's first choice of hiding place but it was the only one she had.

Piper was left alone on the burning streets with two dangerous overlords heading straight for him.

"Where did she go?" The woman, who Piper recognized to be the cannibal overlord, asked. "I swore she was just here."

"And what relation do you have with this new overlord, my incredibly short fellow." The second man Piper knew all too well. The terrifying Radio demon. "I was hoping to speak to her."

"Ah, I- I'm incredibly sorry... B-but the disaster overlord doesn't like dealing with overlord stuff, so she makes me represent." Piper sputtered.

"I see, but you see I want to speak to the REAL overlord. Not some pathetic representative." Dials appeared in Alastor's eyes and strange symbols started floating around. "GOT THAT."

"YES!"

"Lovely, then you can set up an audience for me. How does Friday sound?"

"Perfect, Friday at 5 p.m."

"Great, I can't wait to meet her." The two overlords went on their merry way again through the streets of Doomsday district.

Friday came around and nothing. Alastor had waited for twenty minutes, yet there was no sight of the disaster demon or her little pet. This was rich, never before was the overlord stood up like this. Who would dare to waste his time?! Alastor's stature as well as his antlers grew. That day there was a very horrifying broadcast and Y/n was at home with Rosie. She had to admit she almost peed her pants when Alastor openly threatened her on the radio broadcast...

There was no way she could come clean now. From that day on, you didn't show your overlord self once. Always letting Piper deal with everything.

That was until he came running to you, a letter in hand. It was an invitation to an overlord meeting, one she wouldn't be allowed to send Piper to. At first she didn't want to go, but Piper thought that would be a surefire way to piss off even more overlords. She had to go.

That's how she ended up, dressed in her cloak and mask, in front of an office building in Carmilla's circle of the pentagram. Stepping into the building the place was quiet, no one was around... Was this a trap? Y/n continued on the conference room, although more cautious. Room 666.

Everyone was already there. Were you supposed to come early?

"Disaster demon, glad you could join us." Carmilla spoke first. "We weren't sure you would show up anymore."

Y/n kind of shrugged trying her best to hide her voice.

"How rude, this new generation of overlords ought to know their place. Don't you think so Zestial?" Alastor commented half-jokingly.

"Yes, I must agree." The oldest overlord answered.

You wobbly sat down in your seat, but in doing so breaking the seat. A metal leg shot out to Vox, who protected himself. It ricocheted to the chandelier, which luckily kept hanging. Unluckily though, one of the more heavy ornaments fell down onto the table. It broke in two.

With each sound and broken item, Y/n hugged herself more and more until she resembled more of an hedgehog than a goat. She felt incredibly awkward, tears came out of her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I'M SORRY!!!! YOU ALMOST BROKE MY SCREEN AND DESTROYED THE CONFERENCE ROOM AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS SORRY?!!!" Vox screamed, he was about to launch over the broken table but Alastor stopped him.

"Not a step closer my pal." Alastar's horns grew, showing that he was serious in protecting the newest overlord.

"There is only one demon in the entire universe who could create such a mess." Rosie spoke to herself. "Y/n is that you?" Rosie almost couldn't keep herself from smirking when she removed her mask.

"Yes... I-"

"Alright, everyone out this meeting is over!" Carmilla said. The demons left but only with some push. "Not you three."

They were all looking at you, Carmilla, Zestial, Alastor and Rosie, waiting for an explanation.

"Be- Before you get mad at me, this was an accident."

"I'm not mad about my conference room, now explain." Carmilla's eyes stayed focused on her, like lion waiting for its prey.

"I don't just mean the conference room, this was an accident." Y/n points to herself. "I didn't mean to become an overlord. It just kind of happened and I thought you would be mad at me and then I dug myself into a deeper hole, and now I'm here dressed like this embarrasing myself in front of everyone." The tears that had been slowly building up, started flowing.

"Oh deary." Rosie stood up and gave you a big hug. "I could never be mad at you. I just wish you would've told me. We can work this out together, besides this means you have the power to protect yourself. You don't know how worried I was if you would ever find yourself in a sticky situation alone."

"Thanks mom." Y/n hugged her back.

"If I may interrupted your lovely bonding time, but how exactly did you 'accidentally' defeat the previous overlord?" Alastor asked.

"Oh, I didn't defeat him." She explained. "He got runover by a car, then he decided to give me all his souls and a piano dropped on him."

"Excuse me?"

Masterlist/request guidlines

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel rosie #rosie x reader #Rosie x you #x reader #reader insert #child reader

482 notes · View notes

andy-wm · 4 months ago

Text

Back to WHO : the MV

This is a continuation of the earlier post that discusses the song WHO, by Jimin. That post was a first impression focused on the lyrics - while this one looks more closely at the MV.

(Remember this is my interpretation, not an official statement by Hybe)

The more times I watched the music video, the more I wanted to yell, because look...

IT'S REALLY STARING US IN THE FACE.

And again, kudos to Jimin's team because it's the most obvious thing in the world ever but only if you ALREADY KNOW what's going on.

Here's a summary:

The music video loosely represents Jimin's attraction/sexuality/love life as a timeline.

New colours - a new spectrum shall we say - filter into his life even though he's trying so hard to 'keep to the program'.

He searches high and low for a girl to love, but alas, nobody makes the fireworks happen for him. Then Billboard Boy crashes into his life, threatening to destroy everything. Jimin has to weather the storm and figure out where his place is because Billboard Boy is a major disruptor - a tornado in fact. In the end, the fireworks are popping and the chaos is happening, and Jimin has to just go with it and finds his place again. His colours have been getting brighter and louder as he goes along and in the end he's prepared to walk away from everything in order to be the spectrum he is.

<<I'm not saying it's literally a count of how many girls or boys or enbys he's kissed. I hope his kissed all of them and then some, frankly, but that's none of my business.>>

A few things to pay special attention to:

Burning cars > cars = masculinity. fire = hot. 1+1=2.

Dancers > people he's interacting with

Rough weather, as represented by the wind-whipped papers and eventually even cars being tossed about the set > His attraction to men (and dare I say it, culminating in a focus on one man in particular)

Colour flares, machine text, and marks on the tape (horizontal lines etc)

Are you ready? Let's go...

Jimin enters the scene looking like sex on legs (no surprises) and strolls casually onto the road. Immediately our view of hm is blocked by a pop-art style poster blowing across the screen. It's immediately followed by a car coming around the corner onto the road. The car is on fire. Jimin watches it pass by and follows it.

He follows the burning car.... and so it begins.

The narrative starts from before BTS even exists. Jimin encounters several female dancers who he has brief and sexy interludes with. In fact i don't think there's a single woman in this MV who he doesn't at least look at. He really does try everything (and everyone) in his efforts to find HER.

BUT WAIT.... rewind...

Let's go back to the poster... it depicts a street scene much like the one we see here, with the words:

WHO IS!! TORNADO OF LOVE

Note: those are exclamation points not question marks.

It's not a question. This is telling us UP FRONT IN BIG LETTERS that 'WHO' is tornado of love.

I could probably stop here and just say 'ok go watch it again' but it's too much fun to go through all the details.

So let's continue...

Jimin has a little more steamy choreo with the female dancers before the lyrics tell us he has so many people to see and places to go, and he leaves them and joins 6 other men in what looks like a work environment....

Hello we are BTS!

Yes you guessed it... like Yoongi did in Haegum, Jimin has his members represented here. (Fan chant going off in my head...) and more delicious choreography follows.

Notice that while Jimin was dancing with the girls, the only signs of rough weather were a few glittery specs floating through the air, barely noticable. Those bits of glitter multiply when he joins the 6 men, and instead of a sprinkling of glitter, it starts looking like a light snowfall.

That's all about to change....

The first moment of reckonning:

At the end of this section of choreo, as Jimin sings 'who is my heart waiting for' and moves into the next phase we have a barely visible flash of light across the screen and rainbow colours bleed into the footage (at 1.14).

This is also the moment the significant rough weather starts. I'd say this is where Jimin starts noticing how he feels, and the turmoil begins, because this is also where he makes eye contact with the camera (1.23).

He sees us watching.

Fuck. I had a moment here. There's a look on his face as he walks past the camera and stares right into it.

AUTO CALLIBRATION...

As another millisecond flash of light and rainbow colours seep into the footage, The machine text 'AUTO CALLIBRATION' appear on the screen and flash there for a couple of seconds.

CALLIBRATE: To standardise... by determinning the deviation from a standard so as to ascertain the proper correction factors (Meriam-Webster definition).

"Get a hold of yourself, Jimin. Reset (your behaviour and desires) to correspond with expectations"

Jimin makes a very determined bee-line for the nearest girl and dances with her, ignoring the burning car in the foreground.

This brings us to the next phase of the narrative, and the next location - the performance space in front of the OASIS cinema.

(Do you see the doors of the cinema - BTS referenced again).

As he dances with this girl, the camera zooms out and we see that a crowd has gathered outside the cinema, watching them, but the crowd does not seem friendly and the dance seems performative - the movements are exagerated and obvious. The girl has Jimin in a headlock at one point and then she pushes him away and leaves. All in all it's an unpleasant event.

At this point the BTS members return (Although now there's one missing) and they dance with and around a number of female dancers. flashes go off in the crowd as the choreo is performed.

As they dance the wind picks up quickly and papers and cans are blown about. Even when Jimin is obviously interacting with female dancers the weather continues to pick up. Dancing with the girls isn't helping.

The camera pulls back and we see the same car as before, still on fire.

This is the moment when the penny (or billboard) drops.

All the other dancers scatter, dissapearing in a matter of seconds as the billboard comes crashing down. The billboard blocks his path. Wherever he had been planning to go - or whatever course of action he had planned to take - this man on the billboard forces a new decision. Jimin has to rethink his plans.

Jimin turns and goes in the opposite direction to everyone else. (A similar scene occured in Like Crazy, Jimin going the other way, rejecting the norm, going against the tide).

The machine text flashes "REWIND ... REWIND" on the screen and we see Jimin heading back to where all this started... where the original car on fire was seen.

He's travelling his own path now, but as he walks, alone in what seems to be the wrong direction, we see the store lights brighter, reflecting off cars and filling the space around him.

He's going through the motions with the girls he passes but the interactions are brief and in one case he actually dodges the girl completetly.

He retraces his steps amidst the chaos, and the weather really goes nuts. Now there are cars being thrown through the air, streetlamps exploding. The storm is almost upon him.

As Jimin steps into that original street again, the one with the neon letters spelling BLISS, the machine text reads PLAY. It's almost ike he's having a redo, where he accepts who he is from the start and allows the chaos to happen. And the chaos DOES happen, because the tornado has arrived.

THE TORNADO OF LOVE.

There's a flash and the whole screen is flooded with colours, blanking out the footage.

Jimin can no longer dance in step with everyone else at this point. He's doubled over, belting those high notes at the climax of the song while the chaos rages in the background. Without the music to give his actions context, it almost looks like hes in agony.

Sparks fly, lights flash, even the film itself is affected...

He eventually gets it together and rejoins the choreography, picking up his life so to speak. But his callibration is forever changed. the colours that bled into his life are there for good now, and and as he walks away after the music stops, we see that those colours are not just for the performance, they exist outside of that.

A note about the light flares we see throughout the MV:

It was really hard to catch these, some of them were literal milliseconds. I had to slow the MV down to play at .25 original speed and even then they were fleeting - well hidden.

Only the one at the very end was really visible.

In this one, the word PAUSE appears, as the MV ends. I wonder if that relates to their military service?

The flares of light and colour, those rainbow flashes, aren't always easy to find. Youvhave to be prepared to seek them out.

We will find them if we look for them, but i think Jimin won't show his true colours until after the lights go down and the performance is over.

I respect his decision (if that's what that is) and i will continue to meet him here his stands. I'll support everything he does knowing what I know and I'll continue to search for and uncover the hidden messages he sends us.

#park jimin #jikook #국민 #bts jimin #park jimin who #jimin who #tornado of love #jimin muse

338 notes · View notes

juustokaku · 29 days ago

Text

Confidentiality - Chapter 6. - yandere!ATEEZ OT8 x f!reader

Introduction: Joining a peer support group for mentally ill was a good idea for the last two times you were there. Then it's only natural for the third time to go well too, right?

Pairings: yandere!Hongjoong x reader, yandere!Seonghwa x reader, yandere!Yunho x reader, yandere!Yeosang x reader, yandere!San x reader, yandere!Mingi x reader, yandere!Wooyoung x reader, yandere!Jongho x reader

T/W: This story will include talk about mental health struggles such as body dysmorphia, paranoid thoughts and more. Possessive and obsessive behavior, stalking, manipulation. Dark themes are to be expected.

A/N: Hongjoong is mean in this chapter but at least he's finally here! Although I'm not quite happy with this chapter either, I hope this is still enjoyable. This chapter is focused on Jongho, Hongjoong and Yeosang. Next chapter will shift focus on someone else than Jongho, since he's played an important part of the story so far. Big thank you to everyone who showed me support last chapter and read the story <3

Word count: 4 781 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was just a bird. Just a poor animal stuck inside the bedroom, trying to find its way out. Anyone else would have been relieved as the mystery of the rustling noise was uncovered.

But for you it meant only more mysteries.

The bird wasn’t just any species. You would have probably been less scared if it had been a big eagle instead of the one species you wanted to see the least. A sparrow was flying around in the room, chirping in panic, as it had been locked inside.

You had opened the window to let the bird out, but it hadn’t been open before. Why would have it been? It was winter, and you weren’t that stupid to let the cold air mess up your financial situation even more. The window had been locked up tightly, like always, curtains over so nobody could watch you sleep.

So, it was a mystery how the sparrow had gotten inside. You didn’t have a fireplace that it could have flown in through.

“You’re worrying too much,” Jongho said as you two were sitting on the couch, “It had most likely flown in through the air vents.”

You felt incredibly lucky that Jongho had come to your rescue, even though you had kicked him out just an hour ago. It took only one phone call and thousand apologies for being so supposedly rude to him, until he finally agreed to return to your house and check what the rustling noise was. Oh, how low you could stoop in moments of fear; you should have felt ashamed for apologizing to him.

“But how is it a sparrow out of all the bird species in the world?”

Jongho sighed at your insistence to believe there was something evil behind the bird’s appearance.

“In many cultures sparrows symbolize protection and good luck, think of it that way. Besides, sparrows are very common. It’s not a miracle that the bird has come to look for shelter from the cold here.”

It was very likely that Jongho was right, but you did not want to shrug this off.

“You’re being paranoid like usual,” Jongho spoke, trying to assure you that you were safe, but it only came out as invalidating your feelings.

How could it be considered as paranoia after all the threats? After the dead sparrow, letter, and drawing, it wasn’t any joke like Charlotte had said or any coincidence that there was a sparrow in your room.

But just after apologizing to Jongho, you didn’t want to upset him again. No matter how much you wanted to talk back, and get it through his thick head that this was something more, you had to bite your tongue. It almost bled from how many thoughts and feelings you were holding back.

“After some thinking alone, I’d like to say something.”

Jongho’s careful words snatched your immediate attention, making you forget about the bird for a second.

“I’m listening.”

“I want to apologize for being part of the reason of you falling on the ice and hurting yourself.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. They must have been lying, trying to make you fall for Jongho and his tricks. But still, you were unable to deny the way your heart fluttered.

This time, you were actually able to forgive him, although his reasons earlier for pretending to attack you had been poor, “It’s okay. Thank you for apologizing.”

The reason why you thanked him for apologizing was unclear. You had all the rights to be mad, to shut him out, but you wanted his company and protection, so, you just had to be the doormat like you always had been and would be.

“Are you still hurting?”

“Yeah. I think my back is bruising, and my head still hurts.”

“I’ll have a look,” Jongho murmured and reached for your shirt.

Your heart nearly stopped as he attempted to lift your shirt up, and you flinched away. He was truly shameless, not even asking for your permission.

“Uh, n-no need to do that. I’m sure it’s not that bad...”

Jongho frowned; he was definitely not stupid and knew that you were lying. But then, his expression softened, making him look irresistible once again.

“Will you let me? I just want to assess how bad it is,” he spoke tenderly.

You cursed him for being so talented at manipulating you. It wasn’t unclear at all, that he used those beautiful eyes of his to make you give in, but still, it was futile for you to fight back.

When you gave your permission, Jongho lifted your shirt up slowly so high, that your bra was almost revealed. Fortunately, he didn’t go any further, and he just asked you to hold the shirt up, so he could take a look at your bruises.

Your back had large spots, going to turn from red to a shade of dark purple in the near future. It was swollen, and ached so bad, that you almost cried out in pain, as Jongho let his fingers brush against it gently.

What happened next, made your body tense up, and a gasp fell past your lips.

Jongho had pressed a kiss on one of the bruised spots. It didn’t hurt you physically, but it hurt you mentally; what were you supposed to think of this? This was all supposed to be just a play for the stalker to give up on pursuing you, but even in the privacy of your apartment, he acted like he cared about you. It was cruel honestly.

“Jongho!.. What are you doing?” your question came out as more like a squeak.

“What do you think? I’m helping you heal faster with my kisses,” Jongho said like it was obvious.

“You don’t have to act romantic. The stalker isn’t going to see us here.”

“Are you sure? He could have set up cameras here.”

You felt anxiety bubble in your chest, as you thought about the possibility of being watched inside your own home. There were a lot of moments that weren’t meant for anyone’s eyes – actually, you didn’t want any of your moments being seen. You had always thought life would be easier if you were invisible, so no-one could watch you with gleaming judgement and mockery. Needing to be finally seen and heard, and wanting to be invisible, was an odd mix.

“That was just a joke. I’d know if there were cameras here.”

You were relieved, but you needed to know the reasons behind Jongho’s romantic gestures.

“Why are you being affectionate?”

“This is my way of showing you that I’m sorry.”

“I already forgave you,” you frowned.

“I want to apologize more.”

“There’s no need to do that.”

Jongho’s hand suddenly went up to your cheek, not to slap you, but hold it gently. You were astonished at everything at that moment; his touch and tenderness, but what touched your heart the most, was the vulnerability in his eyes. It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment, to see the deep sadness yet flickering hope, whose origins you couldn’t find.

He was always so closed off, like there were barriers not just between him and other people, but between him and his own heart as well. But in that moment, the most important thing to you was that he tried his best to show you something.

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?” you asked.

“I don’t want you to see me. I want you to feel me.”

It was a leap in the dark, but your eyes slowly fluttered shut. You were scared, but still somehow excited.

The moment you felt his warm breath on your face, you had suspicions of what was going to happen. It felt too surreal to think that Jongho was going to kiss you. That anyone could really want to feel your lips and closeness.

You waited but the kiss never came. Your lips felt cold after preparing themselves to meet another pair of lips, but being left alone, disappointed.

“Did you really think I want to kiss you?” Jongho whispered.

After you heard his cruel words, you didn’t even dare to open your eyes. Feeling way too humiliated, your eyelids were tightly closed, so you wouldn’t have to meet his mocking gaze.

“I-I just... I thought that you’d...” you murmured, but finally sighed in defeat, “Yes. I thought you wanted to kiss me.”

Still, you could feel his face close to yours. A sound of him taking in a breath, ready to talk again, you had to prepare to hear more words that’d hurt your fragile self-esteem.

“Then you were absolutely correct.”

There was no time for your mind to register the things he said, but even if there had been, you would have never believed his words.

It wasn’t a passionate kiss. Actually, it was quite clumsy, like Jongho had never kissed anyone before. But his lips were so soft, and although they moved slowly, it felt tender instead of lazy.

It was the kind of closeness you hadn’t experienced since ever, so it felt odd to have him so close. Although you’d think about all the possible dangers that kiss could have caused – like getting bacteria causing deadly illnesses – at that moment, your head was empty for many reasons. Shock was one of them surely, but why didn’t you pull away? As if you could have anyways; Jongho was holding onto you tightly, a contrast to his gentle lips.

You didn’t know if your heartbeat should have stopped or accelerated; both of those options felt more reasonable than what your heart was doing right now. It beat steadily, thumping in your chest like it always did. Safety, familiarity and stability were things you felt, almost like your lips knew Jongho’s, like you had kissed him before.

It was a slow moment, but when Jongho pulled away, you felt like it had been over in just a blink of an eye.

“Let’s start dating again, okay?”

“Do you mean fake dating?” you asked, not knowing what to hope for.

“What else would I mean? Of course, I meant that.”

A surprising pang of sadness hit your chest. This was a dangerous game to play. Were you both playing or was he the one playing you?

In a few days, you arrived to the therapy session, surprisingly late. All eyes were on you.

It was natural for people to look at a person who was coming in, but their eyes were completely different compared to past weeks.

San had a sad pout on his lips and he couldn’t tear his eyes off of you. It was the look of a man who was betrayed and hurt deeply. Mingi’s expression was like San’s but even more devastated.

You let your gaze wander on everyone, but regretted it when you saw Wooyoung staring at you with anger. His lips were pressed in a tight line, as he tried his best not to snap.

But Yunho was the one who looked the most like he was going crazy – well, all of them were crazy, but he seemed like he’d lose the last crumbs of his sanity right at that moment. He wouldn’t even regret the things he would do in his rage, that was about to burst onto the surface.

Quickly, you averted your gaze and rushed to a seat between Yeosang and Jongho, the latter man having saved it for you.

You felt like you almost sank, the chair swallowing you inside it to save you from the watchful eyes. They were everywhere, all around you. Even Charlotte was looking at you, but instead of anger or sadness, with confusion.

“Let’s start this session by discussing the tense atmosphere here.”

Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Jongho and San turned to look at Charlotte as she spoke, but the rest couldn’t tear their eyes off of your shivering skin.

“Y/N and Jongho started dating,” Hongjoong said with a sickening smile.

You stopped breathing and glanced at Jongho next to you. His face told everything you needed to know; he had had no idea that everyone knew. Now you knew the reason why everyone was eyeing you.

“And why does that make you all uncomfortable?”

No-one answered to Charlotte, the room silent and still heavy.

“Y/N and Jongho can date who they want. You have no business interfering in their relationship.”

Soon, the session had been properly started, when no-one complained about Charlotte’s words, but the eyes never left you for longer than a couple seconds when it was mandatory to look at someone or something else.

You should have felt lucky to be paired with someone else than Yunho, Mingi, San or Wooyoung, but the way your partner, Hongjoong, stared at you made you feel nervous.

“Uh, yeah... What’s your job like?”

Your awkward question broke the silence between the two of you. In this section, you sat next to each other and were supposed to talk about your dream careers and how your current jobs affected you, but the man next to you didn’t seem too interested in that topic.

“Tell me how you and Jongho started dating.”

Stunned by Hongjoong’s sudden demand, you were speechless for a moment.

“Well, he asked for my phone number, and we started talking...”

It was like he could see you were lying, seeing your dishonest soul right through your clothes and skin with an x-ray view. An amused smirk played on his lips, as he continued interrogating.

“Uh-huh. Why does he like you?”

“Because of my personality.”

“What about your personality? I don’t see much to like about it.”

You almost gasped. It was not like you thought of yourself highly – in fact, sometimes you despised yourself – but no-one had been so direct to point out the lack of everything admirable in you.

Hongjoong didn’t seem fazed by your reactions, “So, what do you do for job?”

The change of topic was sudden, but you felt glad for it.

“I’m a cashier.”

He started laughing at your answer. First, it was just an amused giggle, until it grew so loud that everyone turned to look at you two. Before you could say anything, he continued.

“That’s what I meant. You’re really that unambitious? What does Jongho see in you?”

His words stung already, but it didn’t end yet.

“You’re so addicted and desperate for attention from all these men, that you forgot to have any dreams.”

You wanted to kill him with any object nearby, be it suffocating him with a pillow or stabbing him with Charlotte’s pen. But as always, you were so powerless, that you couldn’t defend yourself properly even with words.

“I-I do have dreams. Even if they’re not as grand as yours, it doesn’t make them any less worthy,” you hated yourself for stuttering.

“You really think that? Then what are your dreams?”

It was like you shrunk at every word Hongjoong said, getting smaller and smaller until you would be just a tiny ant he could crush under his expensive shoes.

“I dream of getting better and finding someone who loves me...”

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You still haven’t achieved neither of those things.”

“How would you know that? You’re too focused on your job to notice other people. I bet you have a lot of friends,” Jongho chimed in, mocking Hongjoong’s workaholism and loneliness.

But Hongjoong didn’t even notice Jongho saying anything. He was deaf to every noise other than your quiet sniffling and blind to every sight other than your tears. The way you bit your lips, trying to hold back from breaking down, mesmerized him. You were crying, and he loved it more than he thought was possible.

“I guess you have one good quality.”

You didn’t turn to look at Hongjoong. It was definite you’d lose it, if you saw his eyes mocking you till you took your last breath.

“You’re pretty when you cry.”

You knew that wasn’t meant to make you feel better about yourself. It was meant to humiliate you even more and to make you feel like you were dependent on his praise. And he succeeded.

Despite the few shocked gasps, the room fell silent. Hongjoong was so cruel with that small smile, taking pleasure in your despair.

No-one in that room cared about you, at least that’s what your mind was screaming, but what hurt you the most was that even Jongho stayed silent. How stupid you had been to even consider the chance, that his heart may have held caring, positive feelings for you. Not even the woman, who called herself a therapist, defended you.

Seonghwa got up from his chair, his expression panicked at the sight of your tears, as he rushed to your side, “Y/N, let me take you-”

“Don’t touch her.”

Hongjoong’s command turned heads from your face to his. But his brown eyes, that looked pitch black to you, were still directed on the tears on your cheeks. All movement stopped in the room for a few seconds. Seonghwa’s hand, which he wanted to take yours with, was left in the air. Soon, he walked back to his seat sadly.

The tension hung thick in the air, making it even harder to breathe through your stuffy nose.

Against all expectations, the one person, who no-one thought of being brave enough, suddenly stood up from his seat and for you. He didn’t start arguing with Hongjoong; he defied him without any direct contact.

Just the way he took hold of your chin in a gentle manner wiped the smile off of Hongjoong’s lips.

As he raised your gaze from the floor, you were blessed by the sight of Yeosang right in front of you.

No-one would have ever thought Yeosang would be the one to comfort you, especially when Hongjoong had just forbidden it. But Hongjoong’s words nor others’ reactions were of no interest to Yeosang despite the shyness that held him back from doing many things.

“Why are you crying?”

You were stunned by Yeosang’s question. Was it not obvious? Glancing around quickly, everyone else seemed confused as well.

“I guess I’m crying because Hongjoong practically called me and my dreams pathetic...”

A nod was what Yeosang gave you to let you know that he acknowledged your feelings.

“Do you think your worth is based on how much money or glory you have achieved?”

“What else would it be based on?”

Your answer made a sad, tiny smile form on his lips.

“It’s the harsh truth that people measure your worth on how well you suit their needs. So, in my eyes, your worth comes from how you’ve treated me and how you meet my criteria of a good human.”

Everyone else in the room was silent, listening to Yeosang speak. Still, the conversation between you and him felt intimate and personal, despite all the attentive ears around you.

“You might be worthless and pathetic in Hongjoong’s eyes, because you wouldn’t be able to work in his company or help him reach his shallow aspirations. But you have given me things I’ve never received or even thought that I needed. I can’t speak on behalf of other people and this probably means nothing to you, but to me, you’re far more worth than Hongjoong could ever be.”

“Y-Yeosang...” you stuttered, feeling the desire to respond to him but losing all your words in front of the beauty of his looks and, most of all, soul. Even though you couldn’t understand what important you could have possibly given him, a small part of your heart healed as you heard him assure you of your worth.

Suddenly, he had lost all his confidence, and went back to his old, timid self. It happened all so fast.

“So, uh, don’t cry. P-Please?” he tried to smile but it was nervous, nearly a grimace.

You closed your eyes as his warm hands cupped your face, and his fingers wiped your tears away, leaving your cheeks feeling warm and moist. It felt good to be cared for. Seonghwa had done it before and now Yeosang was the one comforting you; you weren’t used to that kind of affection.

“So romantic. Now, leave my girlfriend alone,” Jongho said, sounding serious.

“You dare to call her your girlfriend but you couldn’t even comfort her?” San suddenly murmured to himself; nonetheless, Jongho heard it.

He gave San an icy look, “Not everyone is comfortable with physical affection.”

“Are you uncomfortable with kindness in general? The least you could have done is assure her with words,” San frowned, getting irritated.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes, finding it beyond belief that Jongho tried to defend his lack of care for you, “Is she even your girlfriend if you can’t take care of her when she needs you?”

Seeing everyone starting to doubt the believability of your relationship with Jongho stressed you out. If you told them the reason you and Jongho were supposedly dating, all of that would have been futile, because the stalker would know what was really going on.

“Everyone, let’s calm down. Jongho cares about Y/N although he doesn’t show it in the same way as others would,” Charlotte chimed in, trying her best to sound soothing.

No-one cared to listen to her, just continuing to pressure Jongho, belittle him and his capability of treating you right.

“Beware or I might steal her away from you.”

“Of course, you treat her like shit since your heart is on ice.”

“Jongho, you’re pathetic.”

They just kept throwing insults at him, talking over each other, each one wanting to rip a piece of his supposedly big ego.

Your head was starting to ache from all the noise, but it wasn’t any match to the ache in your heart. Despite Jongho’s cold behavior towards you, you had grown fond of him; the kiss hadn’t helped the situation at all. Desire to defend Jongho’s actions and preference to stay quiet without drawing any more attention to yourself were battling, and you were having a hard time deciding what to do.

Only ones who hadn’t said anything were Hongjoong, Yeosang and Yunho. A smile on the shortest man’s lips served a reminder of how cruel he was, not just to you but to Jongho as well; he was clearly loving all this chaos.

At least Hongjoong was honest with his emotions, but Yunho was smiling at you with no care in the world despite all the anger he had felt earlier. Seemed like he wasn’t even listening to the argument, just enjoying staring at you now that no-one was focused on you. Feeling uneasy under his eyes, you turned to look at Jongho again.

He had been cornered like a mouse, but that mouse bit, “She chose me over all of you. No matter what you think about me, she likes me. Right, Y/N?”

Stupid Jongho just had to drag you into the uncivilized conversation. Surely, he had to know it caused you distress to have all eyes on you now, waiting for you to say something.

“Y-Yeah... He’s nice.”

Wooyoung cackled triumphantly, “See? She’s so unenthusiastic, I wouldn’t be surprised, if you had scared her into being with you!”

You felt a lump form in your throat, as Jongho gave you a disapproving glare, clearly disappointed in your response.

“That’s enough! None of you have the right to judge Jongho and Y/N’s relationship.”

Everyone finally shut up at Charlotte’s frustrated demand. Finally, she had done something to stop the escalating situation. Her philosophy as a therapist had been always to let adults solve their own arguments; clearly that wasn’t very effective. Her borderline shout didn’t ease your headache, but you were grateful nonetheless.

Still, for the rest of the session, you could feel eyes on you, holding all kinds of different emotions. Anger, longing, devastation and mockery. It felt suffocating.

You had considered ending the peer support group for many times, but it would cause many complications. If you stopped, so would stop the social assistance provided by the government. The conditions to receiving monetary assistance, which you could buy your medication and doctor visits with, were to go regularly to some form of a group therapy.

It was impossible for you to leave. You would be stuck with all the madmen there. And the therapist, that used to care about your well-being, seemed to only belittle your fears.

You couldn’t concentrate on the session at all, on the things the other group members talked about. Their words were useless to you. But Yeosang’s earlier words had stuck with you.

To be honest, despite his sweet words, his actions were what got you hooked. From a timid, anxious person, he had morphed into a man who wanted to comfort, protect and reassure you. The feeling of his soft fingers on your cheeks lingered on your skin, making it tingle.

The day had been awful enough, but after the session ended, you had to wait for Jongho out in the cold, as he stayed behind. You tried to warm up by rubbing your arms up and down, but it was futile, as the air was cold especially at that time of the day, when the sun had set hours ago.

But apparently, Jongho had something important to discuss with Yunho. There was no other choice for you than to wait for your fake boyfriend, just because he wanted to protect you by walking you to the bus stop. To the bus stop that was under 50 meters away. It was more likely you’d freeze to death waiting for him rather than get killed on your way to the stop.

“Y/N, what are you still doing here?”

You shrieked as Yeosang had appeared like out of thin air behind you. Although you wanted to get angry and scold him for scaring you, his shy smile melted your heart, despite the low temperature. Your heart was still thumping loudly from being startled like that, but you couldn’t deny that Yeosang’s presence had a part in it as well.

“I’m waiting for Jongho. How about you?”

Yeosang looked nervous, “Uh, j-just waiting for my car to warm up.”

“I wish I had a car as well. I’m freezing my ass off out here, not to speak of how uncomfortable it is to ride the bus with all the drunkards at this hour.”

“I can drive you home.”

His offer almost startled you again. What was Yeosang planning? Surely, he was up to no good. No man suggested driving an acquaintance home with good intentions; you had heard too many real-life tragedies to have any faith in humanity anymore.

Yeosang would drive you to the beach and throw you into the icy sea, hold you underwater until your lungs would be burning and full of filthy, salty water.

“I-I’m not planning anything bad...” he looked defeated, noticing how skeptical you were.

It was painful to see his reaction, but you wouldn’t let yourself get most likely murdered just because someone looked like a kicked puppy. Still, you couldn’t shut him completely out.

“I suggest we hang out someday. We could learn more about each other first,” you said, biting your lip in nervousness.

Yeosang’s face would have lit up if Jongho hadn’t appeared suddenly, a reproving look on his face.

It made you shiver, wondering what you did wrong again. It was like he couldn’t decide whether he hated your guts or wanted to protect you.

He walked up to you and took his hand out of his pocket to hold yours, which was freezing despite wearing your new mittens, “Let’s go. You’re going to be late from the bus.”

Poor Yeosang was left behind as Jongho led you quickly away from him, his steps slowing down only when you got further away. The snow crunched under your shoes, which was the only noise in the quietude you had with Jongho. It didn’t feel that awkward anymore; you had gotten used to his reserved nature.

Still, you were curious and couldn’t help but break the silence.

“So, what did you and Yunho talk about?” you inquired.

“None of it concerns you. Stop meddling in my business.”

He didn’t even spare you a glance, but the way his grip tightened spoke more than his rude words. It was always hard to tell when Jongho was lying and playing a part, and when he was being truthful, but this time you couldn’t be mistaken; him and Yunho had been talking something about you. Something that he felt the need to keep hidden in a maze, you would never find your way out of, if you did the grave mistake of trying to uncover his secrets. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <- Chapter 5. Chapter 7. -> Masterlist ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Taglist: @devilzliaison @lover-with-dolar-sign-is-a-loser @passerbyforfun

130 notes · View notes

just-a-ghost00 · 5 months ago

Text

What your spirit guides have to say about this connection

Warning : there might be some cuss words in the words/signs/names section.

Group 1 - Drawings scattered on the floor

Tarot : 5 of pentacles, ace of pentacles, The Chariot, 8 of cups, Queen of swords, The Lovers | Oracle cards : Patience, Boundaries

When the opportunity arises, move on. Because if you stay, you're going to be disappointed. This connection won't bring you any satisfaction or happiness. It may even deepen your insecurities. No matter who this person is or how they treat you, on the long term nothing good will come of it for you. Now, the choice is yours to make. No one can force you to forget about this person and cut ties with them if you don't want to. Your spirit guides just want to warn you that it would be better for you not to dwell on this person, because there is someone better waiting for you around the corner. If this person is being disrespectful to you, it is high time you show them what you're made of. Because at the end of the day, your responsibility is to value and take care of yourself. I feel like some of you may feel lonely and long for a deep connection. So maybe this person has shown some interest in you which led you to belive that this could be your forever person, when they aren't. I'm sorry if this triggers you, because my intention isn't to hurt you but to provide useful and important information. I know how difficult it can be to cut ties with someone when we had so much hope and dreams with them. But I have no doubt you can make it through. Your guides want to reassure you on the fact that choosing yourself over this person is going to be beneficial to you. Extra information - Strength Queen of pentacles 3 of pentacles Your guides want to insist on your power and ability to overcome this situation. They know you have what it takes to resist this person and protect yourself. The spirit animal of the tiger is watching over you during this period of your life. You may call to it for advice and help. Your spirit guides also urge you to deepen your connection with them and have faith in the Universe and it's ability to provide you with exactly what you need and deserve. Letters : S O E U S W S E I C L E E G R Words/signs/names : wise, use, sue, sow, woes, sus, Susie, cues, Wess, sis, Cis, cusses, Seoul, soul, Glee, seer, Rogue, mess, Ciel, rouge (French for red), glow, cure, secure, Curie, glue, series, cries, less, lows, lower, roses, girls, Weiss, Solweig

Group 2 - Ticking clock

Tarot : 4 of cups, ace of swords, 8 of swords, 4 of wands, 8 of cups, 7 of swords Oracle cards : Get wild, Sacred sexuality rx

You and this person are currently in seperation. You feel like this person is hiding things from you or isn't comfortable speaking their mind. Many of you may be asking about a future spouse. Spirit wants to draw your attention on the fact that the more you think about this person and focus your energy on them, the more opportunities you are missing. It's like you're telling yourself "I can't be in a relationship right now, what if my future spouse comes into my life then?". You're refraining yourself from living your life, having fun, meeting new people. Your future spouse is not open to your connection currently, is what spirit is saying. Forcing the situation would only keep you apart. They are not ready. And so are you. You have other things to tend to, other experiences to live, other people to meet. Your guides advise you to draw back from this connection from a while and keep to yourself what you are doing. Your FS doesn't have to know. And it is none of their business anyway. If you keep pushing, you'll only be lying to yourself. It's important that you turn your gaze on other matters. Right now, this connection isn't beneficial to you. This isn't to say that this person is bad. This is just to say that they currently don't have anything to offer. Extra messages - 2 of pentacles, Black Numen, White Numen You are in a state of confusion regarding this connection. This is because you are currently in or about to be entering a dark night of the soul, a period of solitude and separation from this person. You won't be picking up on anything from their higher self or very little information. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Though you don't know where this path leads, you have to trust that the outcome is going to be positive, whether with or without this person. Right now, you should be focusing on your balance and navigating through the fog.

letters : L E U M T T S L T X M R L V T words/signs/names : Summer, sex, muse, exult, luxe, melt, ex, texts, test, sell, tell, mums, "trust me", serum, mute, Muller, mulet, rest, SUV, vet, "must let", lust

Group 3 - Adventurer's camera

Tarot : The emperor, 6 of cups, 7 of wands, 4 of swords, The Star, Knight of pentaclesOracle cards : The Creator, Withdraw

Spirit wants to confirm that this person is a soulmate of yours. You are destined to get closer to this person after a period of retreat. They are represented by The Emperor, The Star and The Creator. Chances are this person is an artist or a public figure like an influencer. If not, then the person you're asking about is destined to gain notoriety. They are extremely powerful. They are here to help you manifest your desired reality. But for now, a time of separation is needed. You may receive intuitive downloads from this person's higher self to guide you on your journey. Patience is the key word here. This person has a lot of passion for you. But spirit wants to remind you that their role is mainly to guide you, to light the way so that you can follow in their footsteps. They don't want you to get too caught up in what you feel for them. Because they're afraid you might forget your purpose. Extra information - Ace of swords, 7 of pentacles, The Sun By working on your inner truth, you could reach success with this person and also on a more personal level. This time of withdrawal is meant to help you with that. You may be afraid of failure regarding this connection. Know that there is no such thing as failing. You can only make the decision that is right for you. You might not see the full potential of what you have currently and may doubt this connection but your guides want to assure you that there is more to this than you can see. It'll make sense in due time.

Letters : D S U Q O E U M L M E T N C S Signs/names/words : cute, sun, son, lost, lust, muse, Noel, lune(French for moon), comet, comments, dust, moles, semen, men, quests, cloud, cold, muscle, monde (French for world), mounts, Clement, sounds, museums, ondes (French for waves), clones, cents, sold, old, soul, mess, cuss, lone, doms, demons, clues, cums, semen, told, SNS, meme, dots, "see us", SOS, cunt

#pick a card #pac reading #spiritual pac #spiritual guidance #oracle cards #tarot

216 notes · View notes

youremyheaven · 7 months ago

Text

Ketu: Detachment & Connection

I thought I would expand more on the nature of Ketu in this post. Although both Rahu and Ketu are shadow planets (they are the north and south node of the moon) they experience this darkness very differently. Rahu seeks intense immersion in their experiences and seeks to absorb as much of their material realm (Rahu is the head) but Ketu is disconnected from this completely (Ketu being the headless torso) and even if they want to, they cannot immerse themselves in the material realm, they find it disorienting or simply feel disconnected from it all. Its meaningless to them.

The Ketu nakshatras are Ashwini, Magha & Mula

Ketu is in the darkness and to be Ketuvian is to be in a tunnel perpetually seeking the light. It can be a very uneasy energy to inhabit if imbalanced but this is why spirituality is so important to Ketu natives, they have to cultivate spiritual discipline if they are to peacefully embody this energy and find clarity in its detachment. Most people struggle with overattachment, so having this Ketuvian energy is a great starting point since you're already detached but grounding is very important as there is such a thing as being too detached or uncaring.

The Ketuvian struggle for connection reminds me of certain 8h themes and I think 8housers and Ketuvians have a lot in common in that regard. You need to have an intense kind of connection to feel anything at all, everything else feels kind of mild to your senses. Only intensity can wake you up and make you feel "awake" or "aware" as Ketuvians are sort of in this passive detached state otherwise.

I noticed many of these themes in Jungkook's solo songs. He is a Magha Moon and Mula Rising (he has such a puppy energy, it must be Mula's dog yoni hehe)

I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that being heavily tatted (a full sleeve of tattoos or just being covered in tattoos) is a very Nodal thing to do because they're plunged in shadows and making a mark spiritually helps them feel more connected or because they have to indulge in the extremes of anything for it to feel impactful.

Jungkook has a song called "Still With You" released in 2020, widely considered a love letter to army. These are the English translation of some of its lyrics that I found correlating to his Ketuvian energy

"That faint voice of yours that grazed me Please call my name one more time I'm standing under the frozen light, but I'll walk step by step towards you Still with you

With no light in the darkroom I shouldn't get used to it But I'm used to it again The low-pitched sound of this air conditioner If I don't have this, I will fall apart We laugh together, we cry together I guess these simple feelings were everything to me"

Fame can be a very intoxicating and addictive experience for Nodal natives. Since they feel very disconnected otherwise, they experience connection when it is pouring in such a large or vast scale. But this sort of dependence on fame and fans can also be destabilising and unhealthy because you never know when it might all go away. Since fame is so fickle, its dangerous to rely on it to feel "connected". This is why soooo many Nodal natives who are celebrities are sooo often self-destructive. You keep chasing that high and you'll never feel satisfied, you can never fill the vacuum you have and the harder you try, the more empty you feel.

I don't say any of this to be discouraging, im only trying to point out the emotional expectations we place upon certain experiences and even relationships and how it turns toxic and unhealthy when we do that. If we were to use another person to feel connected or tethered to the world, whilst it may work for us, they must feel very drained by being our anchor.

Jungkook has another demo called Decalcomania and the lyrics go like this:

When I see you smile in the screen You're good at everything You're just perfect Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me? Do you know who I am? Or how do I look now? You don't like me like that

Come and tell me so much, you beautiful heart Oh, I'm gonna listen to you Please

All the numbers too big Can't get out of your game Oh, I want to paint it like you Please

I want to be your decalcomania I want you I want to be your decalcomania I want I want you

He is singing about himself and how he feels dissociated from himself. Fame can be a very dissociative experience for Ketu natives as their search for connection means they feel even more disconnected from the person they become to achieve this connection. Decalcomania refers to the process by which engravings are transferred to another surface (paper, pottery etc). It ties back to Ketu's need to be marked upon, they need something to make an impression on them, literally, because otherwise it does not feel real to them. Jungkook is asking himself to transfer the person he sees on screen to himself, so that he can embody the lightness and joy he sees on him.

Jungkook has another solo song called My Time in which he sings:

"24, feels like I became a grown-up faster than everyone else My life has been a movie, all the time I ran to where the sun rises every single night It's like I've been to someone's tomorrow The boy who found the world too big Keep on runnin' errday, pick the mic up Friends ridin' subway, I'll be in the aeroplane mode All over the world rock on, I made my own lotto But is it too fast? There are traces of losses Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?"

Nodal natives (both Rahu & Ketu) regardless of whether they're child stars or not, have to grow up faster than others. This again makes them feel very disconnected from kids their age, you feel vv lonely.

Oh, I think I was in yesterday 'Cause everybody walk too fast I'm a little kid grown up not knowing it (Like a child who got lost) This got me oh just trippin’ It feels I'm roaming over Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?

It feels confusing and disorienting to live a life that others cant relate to you. Immense wealth and fame can make you feel this way but Ketuvians feel this way in general. They look around them and they feel lost like everybody else is moving too fast.

"Sometimes when I'm gasping for air I wear my hat low and keep running Yeah, I don't gotta know where I go Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present Two time for the past Happy that we met each other Now 'til the very end"

He's expressing his gratitude for everything even though it feels so alienating and confusing.

There is another song called Stay Alive in which he sings:

"그림잔 커져가지만 Although my shadow grows larger,

괜찮아 너란 큰 빛 덕분이니 It’s okay because it’s thanks to the great light that is you"

This is such a sincere explanation of what its like to be a Ketuvian in the limelight, he's thankful for having such a vast fanbase, the source of his "light" (remember that Ketu is in darkness and is always seeking light) but chasing this light means having to morph into somebody else/feeling disconnected from yourself which he succinctly expresses through the line "my shadow grows larger". Since Ketu is in perpetual darkness and is a shadow planet, it does not confront its shadow on its own. Its the seeking, the constant chasing for the light which they need that brings them to see their shadow.

Perhaps you feel very void and disconnected in general but you have a friend or a partner who makes you feel very tethered, through them you absorb their light but this also means you learn to look at yourself more clearly (Ketuvians are blind to their own nature) and this can be a very disconcerting and difficult experience if you've seldom ever felt "seen".

Emma Watson, Ashwini Sun, Mula Moon

I remember reading this interview in like 2010 where she said that whilst doing red carpets for the last Harry Potter movies she would have these moments where she looked into the mirror and felt very disconnected from the person she saw.

She subsequently turned to yoga and meditation and is even a certified yoga instructor. She has also mentioned going on silent retreats.

Ketu natives truly find balance in their lives when they cultivate a spiritual practice and devote themselves to it. Emma has largely stayed out of the limelight in the last decade or so and will probably continue to do so, this is very Ketuvian again, these natives find social interactions, especially the kind of intensive press tour celebrity life to be very draining, they need to retreat and do things in a way that is "real" to them. Emma has spoken about taking a break from acting and working behind the scenes.

Jungkook deleted his IG despite having 40+ million followers and like most Ketu natives he is very private and has no social media. It does not feel natural or real to them.

In her British Vogue interview, Emma said,

"...Her characters have felt, at times, “much realer” than she was. “I’m just so glad that I did [step away from acting] because I have this feeling of having my own voice and creative space and sovereignty in some way that I don’t think I did before".

This time has allowed Watson to concentrate on her “inner scorecard” (how you feel about yourself on the inside), versus her “outer scorecard” (your outward success, as seen on social media, for example). “I get a front row seat [with] some of the most successful, beautiful, incredible people in the world,” she says of Hollywood’s inner sanctum. “And when you have that seat it becomes very, very clear that there is just absolutely no level of success that will make you in any way happy or content if you do not like who you are or enjoy what you’re doing when no one’s watching.”

All of this feels like evolved, balanced and mature Ketu energy.

Miranda Kerr, Ashwini Sun

She is another person who I've always thought embodies a very healthy and evolved Ketuvian energy

Here's an excerpt from her interview:

“First, I try to do a little meditation and yoga, depending on how I feel. I've been meditating since I was 18. I've learnt Transcendental Meditation and Kriya Yoga Meditation, but sometimes I'm just too much in my head and so I need to put on an app. I use Insight Timer, which has different guided meditations, from a five- or 10-minute meditation or deeper ones which help if I can't sleep.

“Gratitude puts everything into perspective. The way that we speak to ourselves is really important, and to be aware to pull yourself up if you’re being self-critical and try and look at things in a positive way. For example, we can look outside and say, ‘oh my goodness, I can't believe it's raining’, or we can look outside and go, ‘well, it's cosy when it rains, I'd love to be inside and I get to wear my favourite scarf’ – we can switch our whole perspective on so many things. For me, waking up in the morning and thinking of at least three things I’m grateful for is so important. Just simple things like, ‘I’m grateful that we have fresh running water’.”

Salma Hayek, Magha Rising

Salma has been practising meditation and yoga for decades and has said: “It’s actually feeling the energy,” she said. “It moves and it dances inside of you, different sensations and emotions. So I use a lot of the frequency machines.”

Hayek claimed that her meditation works wonders for her appearance. “Sometimes when I’m doing it, people tell me when I come out of the room, ‘Oh my god. You look 20 again,'" she said.

She also warned that if she stopped meditating, her face would suffer. “When I don’t do it for a while, guess what?” she said. “The face starts to drop and everything starts to drop.”

Spirituality comes easier for women than men imo and Ketuvian women are more likely to buy into all things spiritual like crystal cleansing, chakra reading and even other offbeat spiritual techniques.

Gigi Hadid, Ashwini Sun & Rising

Gigi is another person who embodies really healthy Ketuvian energy

In her interviews, she always sounds very grounded and tethered. She said:

"I got pregnant and I really started to think about what I wanted after, when the world opened back up. (she got pregnant during covid) It kept coming back to just a more stabilized schedule where I’m not in a different country every week. This is very stabilizing. I have an office that I come to. I know everyone here. I don’t have to look a certain way to show up. It’s a different experience for me, and it was the right time because I was ready for that,”

To realize what is causing you to feel unstable and deliberately manoeuvre your life to create that stability requires self-awareness and maturity.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mula Moon

He has talked about how bodybuilding and building his physique really helped him feel connected to himself in a different way. I think this is an interesting manifestation of Ketu's disconnection and need to go to extremes to feel anything. Arnold's workout routine from his Mr World days is pretty insane, he worked harder than anybody else and was single-mindedly focused on it. Pushing yourself to such extremes and committing to it is difficult but those Ketuvians who can do so will benefit from it immensely.

Ketu is detached from the material realm. For a Ketu native that isn't tuned into their spiritual side, this can mean feeling disconnected in general but the blessings of retreating to spirituality, slowness, stillness etc means shifting to a version of life where you feel anchored within yourself without depending on anybody or anything to feel that way.

All of the people I mentioned above turned away from the spotlight or made choices to make their lives more grounded and stable and as a result they feel content and satiated. They are detached from the material realm but firmly tethered to the things that matter to them.

I just wanted to make a brief post about how Ketuvians embrace their shadows and how spirituality anchors them.

I hope this was insightful.

#astrology notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #vedic astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology #astroblr #ketu #magha #mula #ashwini

201 notes · View notes

darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 6 months ago

Text

just a girl 1

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as possible cheating, low self-esteem, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you move in with your sister when your luck turns for the worst.

Characters: Walter Marshall, possible Andy Barber

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

It isn't your proudest moment. You don't have many of those. There is little remarkable about, nothing of note, nothing admirable. You might stand a bit taller than most but it's rarely given as a good thing.

You never expected much of life. You resigned yourself to living in the shadows. In particular, you knew you would always bet outshone by your sister's light. You can't hate her for it; it's your own shortcoming. Besides, no one can hate Riannon, she's just that nice.

You are dark smear on the family name. It's why you didn't even think to ask your parents for help. You didn't even ask your sister, she offered, insisted really. You could never deny her and in this instant, you couldn't afford any other option.

It’s just for a while, you keep telling yourself. You’ll find a new job and a place soon. For now, you’ll just stay out of the way. It isn’t very hard; you take up much more room than your few possessions.

You keep yourself holed in the guestroom as you settle into your second day. You have your laptop on your thighs as you scroll the job boards. You have the experience but you expect your reference would be any good. You didn’t exactly end on cordial terms. Starting from square one, though the industry isn’t exactly even ground for men and women alike.

You hunker down to search through the various postings within your purview. Every classification is ticked off, even the years, it’s just that little note about contacting your previous employers that makes you nervous. Well, you at least have to try.

A knock comes at the door as you edit your cover letter once again. You sit up and close the computer. You slide it aside and get up. You cross the room and crack the door open. You sister smiles from the other side.

“Am I making too much noise?” You ask as your music plays music from its tiny speaker.

“No, no, not at all. Um, so you know Andy is out of town for the day so it’s just us,” she rocks, “and there’s a barbecue down the street so... I thought you could get to know the neighbourhood.”

You look down at her, the offer catching you off guard. You were prepared to spend the whole day hidden away and poring over job listings. Even when you had your own place, you tended to spend most of your own time inside.

Still, she is doing you a huge favour and it would be rude to say no. You shrug, “okay.”

“Great, I have some potato salad I'm bringing,” she chirps.

“Uh,” you look at her blue checkered capris and pristine white blouse, “should I change?”

“It’s up to you. I'm just going to get packed up. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

Her excitement is palpable. She probably expected you to say no. You don’t want to let her down again. You’re tired of that feeling.

You close the door as she bounces away and you retreat to search through your still unpacked suitcase. Your clothes hang over the sides. You pick out a band shirt and a pair of dark grey jeans. You don’t have any shorts and you know your repertoire of dark colours only draws in the sun’s fury, and like of the vaunted HOA, but you don’t have many options.

You emerge with a pair of converse in hand and head into the kitchen. Rhiannon snaps the lid onto a big bowl as she beams up at you. You don’t understand how you share the same blood, she’s so different than you. Where you’re tall and gangly, she’s small and dainty; where your dour and reticent, she’s bright and bubbly. Your parents even kidded that you must’ve been switched at the hospital.

“Ready?” She asks.

You nod and look down at yourself.

“If you want to borrow a skirt or something, it’s pretty hot out.”

“It’s fine.”

You don’t take her offer as any comment on your choice, only genuine concern. If it was your mom, you would know it was more than that. To be fair, your mother is very direct with her critiques. Besides, even if her clothes would fit you, you don’t want to risk ruining any of her things.

“Alrighty, well, Marge will kill me if I’m late again,” she sings and sweeps around with the bowl. “It’ll be nice to get out, huh?”

“Mhmm,” you grumble and follow her down the hall to the front door.

She steps into her wedged sandals as you sit to pull on your converse and lace them up. You stand and get the door for her as she prances towards it. She thanks you and you trail her out. The sun hits you like fire. It’s so hot, though you think some of the heat comes from your own self-consciousness.

As you catch up to your sister at the bottom of the steps, you slow down to keep from outpacing her shorter legs. Even with her platformed soles, she’s still ahead shorter than you. You turn down the sidewalk as you shy away from the strange faces headed in the same direction.

“You want me to carry that?” You offer.

“Hey, I might be small but I can handle a salad,” she chirps.

“I know, I wasn’t--”

“I’m teasing. It’s fine, I got it,” she assures you as she hugs the bowl to her stomach, “I just want you to have a good day. Don’t think about everything else, okay?”

“Mm, okay,” you keep your head down as you slink next to her jouncing steps, “sorry, I'll try not to be too grim.”

“Whatever, you’re awesome,” she nudges you with her elbow, “you just be yourself and I know you’ll find some good friends around here.”

You try to smile but it hurts. She always sees the best in others, even when it’s not there. You keep pace with her and turn up another curated lawn. The walk is perfectly laid and the blossom tree sways overhead.

Rhiannon is welcomed through the open gate by one of those blonde women she has her book club with and you shuffle in with your hands in your pockets. You feel the woman’s harsh gaze and peek up. She looks at you the same way your mother does. Her name is Marge and her friend is Callie and there are dozens of the Stepford-like figures posted throughout the yard.

“Come, let’s put your salad out,” Marge insists.

Rhiannon looks at you and you chew your cheek, “go, I'll be fine.”

She looks reluctant but you’re already walking away. You ignore the smell of sausage and beef rising from the barbeque and the splash and laughter of children from the pool. You aren’t going to find any friends here. That much is clear. Housewives and little kids, you don’t really fit the bill.

You find your way to the far end of the lawn and stand by a tree you might just blend into. Or maybe you might bury yourself in the rose bushes. You pull your hands from your pockets and hook your fingers into your belt loops, swaying as you watch a bumble bee hover over the grass.

“Foo Fighters, huh?” A low drawl brings your head up as a man approaches with a beer bottle in hand.

“Um, yeah,” you look down at your shirt, tugging on the hem.

“You go to a show?” He asks as he stops near you, drinking from the bottle as he waits for your answer.

“Never been to one,” you cross your arms, “but I listen to them.”

“Ah, yeah, well, they put on a hell of a show,” he wiggles the bottle as he talks, “lot more fun than these things.”

You look up the yard towards the mingling of voices and sound. Despite your efforts to hide in a corner, you must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Shoot, maybe he thinks you’re trespassing.

“I came with my sister,” you point and shift towards the party, “sorry, um, Rhiannon. I didn’t... I was just looking at the roses.”

“Not my party,” he scoffs, “I don’t care.”

“Oh,” you blink and look at him. He's about your height, dark curly hair, and vibrant blue eyes. His dark beard is thick and stubble prickles along his neck. He wears a plain white shirt and jeans; the bare minimum. “Right, er, well...”

“Not a bad idea, hiding behind a tree,” he remarks, “but you're missing the key ingredient.”

He stops and stares, crooking a brow as if you should know what he means.

“Alcohol,” he raises his bottle, “they got a keg even. Probably the only good part about these bull—these things.”

“I don’t drink,” you mutter, “but thanks.”

You put your head down and stare at the grass around his shoes. You don’t know why he’s bothering you if it isn’t to make you leave. Obviously, you don’t belong.

“Never too late to start,” he snorts and stays as he is.

You don’t know how to make him leave you alone so you say nothing. The bee dips into a tulip’s mouth and you turn to watch it. Maybe he’ll take your silence as a hint.

#walter marshall #dark walter marshall #dark!walter marshall #walter marshall x reader #drabble #au #just a girl #series #night hunter #defending jacob #andy barber

155 notes · View notes

narcissistcookbook · 3 months ago

Text

about thirteen or fourteen years ago @inkylizard told me about this show Sleep No More (description beneath the cut) they'd seen in an early run in Boston, and i had such bittersweet feelings listening to them talk about it because 1) it was absolutely my kind of thing, and 2) it was basically impossible to see it because it was so far away (i'm Scotland-based)

and since then i probably thought about the show more than most people who have seen it. i ended up working some of what kit described to me into my own music and shows, in a very vague sense

anyway, fast forward over a decade and i'm in NYC for ten days prior to tour and kit tells me that Sleep No More is still on, and it's about to close forever so this is my first and last chance to see it

so anyway

i finally saw it and it was amazing. for once hype wasn't the joy killer. it was inspiring and empowering and it's made me want to explore some of the more outlandish ideas that have been tickling my brain in terms of music writing/performance

i almost went again today, but low energy mixed with a fear of not wanting to dilute the magic by returning to the source convinced me otherwise. i think it means more to me to wait over a decade to see it, and then never be able to see it again.

Brief description of Sleep No More if you haven't seen it and aren't aware of it, told from the perspective of someone who had it described to them once and then saw it once 13 years later and has done no reading or research beyond that. Apologies if I describe it in a way that makes you squirm and go "nooo you aren't explaining it right" 💜

Sleep No More is an adaptation of Macbeth told mostly through the medium of Dance and Vibes. It takes place across the breadth and depth of an entire five floor building called the McKittrick Hotel, which is a dreamlike network of TV/movie-quality sets (a ballroom, a hotel, a city apartment, hell, a street of open shops, a mental hospital, a forest, witches' dens, a huge room full clocks connected to a tiny prayer vestibule, there's too many to mention) and masked audience members are encouraged to wander freely and explore the entirety of the building in any way they like

all the sets are fully explorable and designed to be examined in close detail. if you dig around you'll find letters, medical records, diaries, a fully stocked and unguarded sweet shop, hidden dressing rooms, discarded props, again much more than I could list off here. rooms have backrooms which have other backrooms. secret passageways connect parts of the building/story to other parts.

and through all this the cast are whirling and screeching and sprinting from place to another with little regard for who is or isn't following their storyline. at one point I was one of only two people watching an actor sew up a disembowled teddybear in a child's bedroom - and in the mirror, the same bedroom was reflected covered in blood. at another I was the only person watching a nurse tuck a man made of rocks into a hospital bed. at another, I turned a corner and one of the witches (with about twenty people in tow struggling to keep up) barrelled into me on their way to a scene elsewhere (he stopped and gave me a boop on the nose). another time, i walked into what I thought was an empty interrogation room only to realise after *far too long* that one of the characters was hiding in there with me

and on top of all this, each character has a scene they will only perform to one other audience member chosen by them

the magic for me is that not only can you not see the whole show in a single visit, but that it's basically impossible for anyone to see the whole show period no matter how hard they try. someone i know has seen it seven times and i've seen parts of it that they didn't even know about. it creates a sense of longing for what you'll never see, a sense of loss for the parts you missed, and a deep sense of personal connection with what you were lucky enough to see

what a banger

#sleep no more

110 notes · View notes

signedeclipse · 2 years ago

Text

Signed with Love - Upper Moons

What is this? - A valentines gift to my lovely fem!readers! Its valentines/love letters cards from your favourites <3

Series Parts Kamaboko Squad - HERE The Hashira - HERE

Akaza

To the girl of my dreams, Happy valentines! I'm sure you thought i'd forget sorry about last year, but I've got plans and everything. Theres a light show in the city, if you want to come I'm sure we can stop for some snacks and i'll get you the best view of them. If that sounds like a plan, i'll be by your house the moment the sun goes down. Can't wait to see you dolled up, Akaza.

Daki

Dove, Free your schedule on the 14th, I won't let plans get in the way of us spending this year together after so many times of it falling through! Oiron duties always take precedent, but I'm sure I can pull some strings to spend the night with you, the "new" girl, to do some "training". Dress for the part, I know you can lie your way in. Good luck, even if I know you won't need it, 'Warabihime'

Douma

Hello, lovely! I am over the moon knowing i'll get to spend valentines with you again! I miss you more and more every day you are away... How about this year we sneak away from the cult and I show you someplace you might really enjoy, and we can pick up some treats you like to keep at the estate! Don't leave me waiting too long. You know who ♡

Gyokko

To my precious muse, This velentines marks a decade together, and I figure its about time I let you closer than ive let any other. I know I can be more conservative in sharing my art, but this year i'd like to take you into my studio and teach you some of my craft. You know where to find me. Wear something you don't mind having ruined. Gყσƙƙσ

Gyutaro

Angel, I promised i'd always ask, so I expect you to say yes when I ask you to be my valentine again. It's too risky to go out with being on the radar, so when you come back home keep low and we'll do something simple. I can't risk getting you in trouble. Don't stray too far, GT.

Hantengu

Dearest, If possible, I would really appreciate if maybe you might consider being my valentine Whatever you'd like is yours Please H/S/K/A/Uro/Z/Ura

Kaigaku

Princess, I know you'll say yes anyways, so instead ill congradulate you for keeping me intrigued for so long. Long enough to call you my valentine. I'll be home to see you the moment the sun drops, and we can spend all night hanging out. I like you better where no one else can chew on you like eye candy, so I'll bring some snacks you like if it keeps you inside, Don't get too flattered, Yours, Inadama

Kokushibo

To the most beautiful woman I know, I would be honoured if you would decide to be my valentine once again. If you are inclined to accept my invintation, know that not a drop of the night would be wasted on anything you wouldn't like. You know you can trust me. I anticipate your responce, 黒死牟

Muzan

To the only sunshine I require; With this letter is a box of clothing. It's all custom to your fit and yours now, pick whatever you like and wait outside the gates of tokyo by sundown tonight. We'll be visitng some places I know you've wanted to see, and I'll make sure it's not on an empty stomach. Don't leave me waiting, M. Kibutsuji

Nakime

My dearest lullaby I am not one to partake in holidays, however, I cannot help myself when it comes to you. I was hoping you would be my valentine; not just today, but in life as well. There is a concert hall I used to perform at, and I would like to bring you there to hear the music I was so very fond of. It is very formal, so if you need any help getting ready you have my assistance. I miss your sweet song, Nakime Otokawa

Authors Note - This took me so long ahhhh thank you for your patience darlings <3 The tags took me longer than writing this entire thing /j

Disclaimer - All characters within have been aged up to at least 18 or older, and have been altered to reflect such change as needed.

2K notes · View notes

irisintheafterglow · 1 year ago

Text

uhh uhh uhh uhh meeting enemy frat!suguru at a greek life halloween party

cw: swearing, drinking and alcohol, creepy dude at beginning

"look, i'm not interested in whatever weird shit you concocted. so, get lost," you spit at the ugly, intoxicated, ogre-looking airhead trying to give you a shot of heavens know what. he'd been trying to get into your pants since you crossed the threshold and you were having none of it. your sorority sisters, unfortunately, were nowhere to be found and you were left to glare at the stumbling goliath slowly backing you into a musty corner. "i don't want you, asshole, so stop trying to get with me."

"c'mon, lighten up a little. it's a fuckin' halloween party; why are you here if you're not getting shitfaced?" your nose wrinkles at his sheer audacity. you attempt to make a break for the door when his overworked biceps suddenly block your eyeline, trapping you against the wall. body odor and whiskey leak into your nostrils and you swallow down the bile that rises in your throat. "where the hell are you going? do you even know who i am?"

"you're gonna be six feet under if you don't leave them the fuck alone," comes a dangerously low voice somewhere behind your harasser. "get back to whatever shithole you crawled out of."

"don't be such a downer, geto," the guy drawls over his shoulder and his casual nature makes you physically recoil. "i'm just tryna get them to take a shot or two with me, that's all." before you can process it, the shot glass is snatched from the asshole's hand and downed in a blink. the man, who you assume is geto, glares even sharper daggers than you, and your heart does an unwanted little flutter. the gesture seemingly didn't get through the other bro's thick skull as he whirls around, offended. "hey, what the fuck was that?"

"lay off of 'em. don't be more trouble than you're worth." the guy hesitates for the briefest second and is just as quickly shoved to the side, landing on the floor with a satisfying thud. he groans and you inhale a deep breath of stale party atmosphere, pushing off the wall and beelining to the nearest source of fresh air. you vaguely sense someone following behind you and don't bother looking until you're shivering against the chilly october air. "you alright?"

"sure," you deadpan, "if i ignore the fact that i almost got roofied a minute ago." you cross your arms and plop into the nearest deck chair, uncomfortably eyeing a nearby couple getting a little too intimate for being in public. the guy who helped you stands next to you at a respectful distance, following your gaze to the people practically eating each other's faces.

"oi, get a fucking room," he barks and they flinch, scurrying into the house to find some empty room to bang in. "better?"

"yeah," you mutter, still uneasy about why he followed you out in the first place. "thanks for helping me, in there."

"don't mention it. it's a wonder how many frats still let him come to parties considering how easily he scares sorority girls away," he says blankly and you take a second to shamelessly analyze his appearance. long, dark hair was tied back into a loose bun and stray strands framed a mesmerizingly sharp jawline. unlike most of the guys inside, he actually was wearing a shirt, a simple sweatshirt with his frat's letters embroidered across the front. you couldn't see what the letters were, but you guessed he was probably part of a related frat by how willingly he stepped in to help you. to combat the autumn air, you figured, he also wore a flannel that had a dragon printed on the back panel. "you sure you're okay?"

"yeah, i'm good. a little cold, is all," you admit, grimacing at the goosebumps running over your arms. without another word leaving your mouth, he shrugs off the flannel and tosses it into your lap. you wrap it around your shoulders and catch him watching you, the tiniest smirk painting his pretty mouth when you pull it tighter against you. it's warm and smells like expensive cologne. "you're a real gentleman, you know that?"

"so i've been told," he replies and you huff an exasperated breath. "i swiped this for you on my way out, too. it's sealed, but i can grab you another one if you're still skeptical." he hands you a lukewarm bottle of water and, true to his word, requires a little bit of effort to break the seal around the cap. you take a few sips and your mind finally starts to process what happened. "feel a little better?"

"definitely. thank you, is it geto?"

"call me suguru." fuck, that's hot. he's hot.

"thank you, then, suguru. can i ask why you're being so nice when you don't even know me?"

"just making sure everyone's having fun and being safe so no one calls the cops." your response falls from your lips faster than you can stop it.

"nothing else?" his attention flicks to you and he chuckles in amusement at your boldness.

"and, i think you look nice in your costume," he murmurs and you'd be lying if you said it didn't make your heartrate increase. "that what you wanted to hear?"

"mhmm, thank you." the giddy excitement wears off and you check the time on your phone. "i should probably be getting back home."

"you got a ride?"

"i'll go find one of my pledge sisters that are also partied out," you shrug, praying that someone was sober enough to get you back safely.

"you mind if i call you a cab? i don't feel comfortable sending you off in some rando's car."

"technically, you're a rando," you point out, and he raises his hands in surrender. "but, sure, as long as you walk me out."

"i was already planning on it," he affirms and extends a hand, helping you out of the cold metal chair. his palm is warm, safe, and strong, nothing like the grabby ones that were begging for your body all night. suguru waits with you on the lawn until the cab arrives and opens the door for you as you slip into the second row. before you can close the door, he reaches over you and hands the driver a stack of bills that has the old man's eyes widening to the size of tennis balls. "get them home safely, please."

"what are you doing?"

"doing the next best thing besides driving you home myself. i didn't think you'd be comfortable doing that, given the progression of the evening." you're stunned into silence by his genuine chivalry and nearly forget to give him his flannel back. when you go to pull it off, however, he stops you with a gentle hand on your shoulder. "keep it, for now. i'll get it back at some point."

"alright," you concede, wrapping it around you like a safety blanket. "thank you for everything."

"of course. get home safe, yeah?"

"i will. thank you, suguru."

you wake up in the morning on the couch in the sorority house's living room, still in the same clothes from the night prior. your head pounded like it was getting repeatedly slammed with a mallet, but you were barely able to remember the events leading up to crashing at home. you look down and the flannel around your body reaffirms that suguru was, in fact, real and not just a drunk hallucination. you're in the middle of smiling giddily to yourself when one of your sisters screeches to a halt in the hallway behind you.

"good morni-"

"what the fuck are you wearing?" she asks with all the seriousness as if someone had died.

"yeah, i know i look like shit. is anyone in the shower-"

"no, stupid. that flannel, where did you get it?"

"some guy helped me get home last night and he let me borrow it; why are you being so weird?" you stumble to the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water. your sister watches you from over the counter like you'd grown four heads. "hello? why are you looking at me like that?"

"you do realize where that flannel is from, right?"

"no...?"

"your little buddy from last night is from those assholes at theta phi fuckhead, babe." you nearly drop your glass in shock. there's no way. he couldn't have been from those dipshits, could he? "there's a reason we're not supposed to talk with them, 'cause they're dangerous and unruly."

"but this one, he-"

"doesn't matter. don't let anyone else see you with that on, or they'll have a fit." she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers. "shower is free, so go get dressed and change your clothes."

as you strip off the flannel, a small piece of paper drops from one of the pockets. the message written on it has you gripping the edge of the counter for support.

you look cute in my clothes. (XXX) XXX-XXX if you wanna wear 'em more often

-s. geto

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

#geto x you #geto x reader #geto x y/n #suguru x you #suguru x reader #suguru x y/n #geto suguru x you #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader

255 notes · View notes

pinkthrone445 · 9 months ago

Note

hii hun, i was hoping to request a melissa x reader (mels wife) and i know you’ve written quite a few of these lately but they hit me in a way because i struggle with it.

anyways.. where the reader is dyslexic and is having trouble trying to get the lesson plan together for one of the modules for english. mel starts to notice her wife struggling and starts helping.

-Do you know your ABC's?-

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:pure fluff and soft Melissa

Warnings:talk about dyslexia

Summary:When work stresses you out, your wife is there to help.

Hello darling, I hope you like this, thanks for the request! I hope you are handling better now, rough days are normal and it's okay not to be okay sometimes, but you got this! You're capable and strong and there's nothing to be ashame of, never doubt that.

This was already the third time in the last hour that Mel had stopped by the dining room to check on you. Your back was hunched over looking at the computer, which had a low glow because your eyes were tired, your glasses were half crooked, three cups of coffee around you and a half-full water bottle in front of you, your legs were crossed over each other, a blanket over your shoulders that Mel had put there, your had a big frown, your hair a little disheveled from how many times that you had run your hands over your head in a nervous tic, your leg bounced several times when you changed positions, causing the wood to rattle and the plastic of the couch to squeak, on top of all that, your eyes were red from having been in front of the computer for so long.

Mel knew that when you were stressed you didn't want to be interrupted, that's why every time she went to check on you, she helped you without interrupting you. Mel would leave the water bottle in front of you without saying anything because she knew that if you saw it often you would drink more water. When she saw that your body was shivering, she put a blanket over your shoulders without uttering a single word, she also refilled your coffee cup and brought you something to eat.

Mel was very patient with you, especially when you had to make your study plans, but when you had already been in the same position for more than 4 hours, it was time to interfere.

-"Hon?"-Your wife spoke softly trying to get your attention but only earned a hum from you-"Let's go to bed, it's late..."-Mel sat next to you trying to close your computer but you wouldn't let her

-"I can't, I don't have many days left to do my study plan and Ava told me that she needs them..."-You spoke without taking your eyes off your computer

-"Love, you've been in front of that computer for hours, if you haven't made more progress, it will be hard for you to do it now with how tired you are. Let's go to bed and tomorrow, since we don't work, I'll help you put it together...please" - Your wife begged and you sighed nodding, if you continued in front of that computer, you would go blind. You carefully closed the computer and followed your wife into the room, who had held your hand to make sure you didn't run away.

When the two of you went to bed, the redhead hugged you carefully and gently scratched your head

-"I know it stresses you out putting together the class plan and nerves make your dyslexia worse and make you feel bad. But today you've been more stressed than usual. What's going on?" - she whispered and kissed your forehead

-"The thing is that I'm used to teaching second graders but now that I have to cover some classes in kindergarten and teach them the alphabet and things like that, it stresses me that they get confused when writing the letters and because of my dyslexia I don't always notice the mistakes... How am I supposed to teach them well if even when I write I get confused?"-You whispered stressed and your wife hugged you tighter to her body

-"Tomorrow we'll figure it out together, okey?"-She whispered and you nodded and then slept with her.

The next day, your wife was no longer in bed when you woke up and the house smelled of freshly baked cookies and coffee, plus soft music was playing from the kitchen. You carefully went downstairs and found your wife muttering a few things to the beat of a song, so concentrated that she didn't notice you were there

-"Good morning my love"-You smiled and kissed her shoulder

-"Hello sweetie, I didn't realize you had come down... Breakfast is ready and I think I have a great idea to help you with the kids... I was looking at your study plan and the things you need to teach them and I remembered how much the lyrics of some songs help you so you don't confuse the words so much... Do you want me to tell you my idea while you have breakfast?"-The redhead asked excitedly and you nodded sitting on the counter listening attentively as you ate breakfast.

For the next day, you and Mel had put together your study plan and several of your classes and that gave youI a lot of peace and confidence, not only you had classes ready, but also because your wife had controlled them and they didn't have mistakes.

When all the students arrived, you were very excited to show them what you two had prepared, when you opened your computer there was a little note from your wife, you would recognize her handwriting anywhere

"Today you will do great, I trust you and I know what an amazing teacher you are. I love seeing you worried to be a better teacher for them and that already makes you perfect. love you more every day"

You smiled as you read the note with a new wave of confidence in yourself. You carefully caught the children's attention, once they all looked at you you started to introduce your class

-"Well kids, today we're going to have a very special class, as we've all been having trouble differentiating some alphabet letters, we're going to sing a song. And we have a special guest to help us... The tree times in a row champion on the Reading Marathon, please give it up to the most beautiful woman, big welcome and applauses please, to one of the best third-grade teachers, and my beautiful wife, Melissa Schemmenti!"-You shouted introducing your wife as if it were a boxing match, your wife understood you perfectly and came in fist-pumping in the air like a boxer which made the children scream with more excitement. Your wife smiled as she stood next to you and greeted the children almost as excited as they were.

After finding the right catchy music and going over the lyrics you and Mel had done one more time, you started singing the alphabet paying special attention to some letters that could be more difficult than others. The song, although it had very few rhymes, was a good help for the children, while they were singing the lyrics, you were writing them on the board so that the children understood and it would stay more engraved on them

-"The letter B(b), to write the word bright, looks like it's a woman with a big belly with her tiny baby hidden inside. To write it we have to pay attention, it starts from the ceiling and falls to the floor, jumps to the front and goes back to the pole." - You and your wife sang while the kids payed attention, writing the letters on their papers

-"The letter d, to write the word drink, looks like a dinosaur with loooong neck and a big butt, that dumps everywhere with a lot of smell"-When you said that, the children laughed, anything that was disgusting was funny to them-"To write it, start from the ceiling, fall to the floor, jump backwards, and go back to the beginning"-Your wife continued to sing amidst the laughter of the children

-"The letter p, to write the word pony, looks like pasta rolling on her own. To write it pay attention, start from the floor and jump down one step, then go back to the beginning and make it a big head!"-You screamed making the dancing kids excited as they wrote their letters

-"One more tricky letter, before we forget about them, let's see how we can write the letter q, to write the word queen..."-Your wife pointed at you as she said the word queen and you laughed-"looks like the fluffy tip from a q-tip. Open big your eyes, and get your pencil ready, Start from the ground and work your way back down, then go back to the beginning and bend backwards until you find the start line again"-Once ypu finished singing the alphabet, the children asked you to sing it once more together which you did, you were surprised to see how quickly they had memorized it and how well they were differentiating the letters.

While the children were singing and laughing, you held your wife's hand smiling as you watched her sing, murmuring a silent thank you. Your wife could be harsh or closed off about some things, but when she showed love to you or the children, she certainly didn't hold back in the slightest.

#melissa schemmenti soft #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti #abbott elementary fanfic #melissa schemmenti abott elementary #abott elementary fanfic #abott elementary #abbott elementary #lisa ann walter fanfic #lissa ann walter #lisa ann walter

138 notes · View notes

bunniboiz · 1 month ago

Text

i got my order from hobonichi today and i've honestly never been so hyped up about fandom merch before... tl;dr i'm very happy porky minch is finally getting so much love lol so i thought i'd show some of it to the three or four eb fans still alive who might be reading this

below: detailed unboxing + some peeks inside the artbooks ✰

the Pollyanna books are official anthologies featuring the works of 75 eb-loving creators, while everything else is from the new pork parco city pop-up event in shibuya last year <:)

can you even believe this little thing. the packaging has his most moemoe line about being nervous he might be one of the chosen ones. my heart isn't broken or anything

speaking about heartbreak: i was so surprised official merch has been made with the specific purpose of being devastating for porky fans (me) the Friend Yoyo's box has porky's original magicant dialogue on the side, about his low self-esteem, how he envies ness for being a good person, and wanting to be friends forever. the english translation really toned down that one- while the japanese original is very genuine, and makes a big difference in tone... in my opinion

not to be cheesy but seeing so many different people drawing&writing over 400 pages about their love for the series really moved me. the crazy variety of art styles make it all the more impressive.

the comics go from lighthearted silly comedy to existential dread much like the series itself does. if you're interested in throwing yourself into the same emotional roller-coaster, hobonichi is right here and i truly think these are top tier anthologies. seeing so much love for such an old series is so heartwarming. i'm especially happy that it has nothing to do with the general sentiment the mother fandom had back when i first played the game in 2010, which was general massive disinterest in porky- while i really felt (and still do) like he's the most important & most interesting character in the series lol... seeing him be a central character in these projects is so cool. pollyanna2's intro is a little letter from itoi about him. anyway,

#i'd want to be told there is such merch out there so i'm making this post... hi #not art #just me going full tism mode sorry #mother series #earthbound #mother 1 #mother 2 #mother 3 #PORKY MINCH #long post

46 notes · View notes

sugarcult · 9 days ago

Text

Liam, I wrote up this big, long letter for you, and it seemed like nothing came out right or like it just didn't sound how I wanted it to. So I guess I'll just do my best.

Years ago, I remember other fans being obsessed with Diana when it came out, and how many fans said that One Direction had saved them. I didn't think I could relate because I wasn't actively suicidal or self-harming at that time, and I guess I thought all that was a little overdramatic. But in the last two weeks, I've been thinking it over, and I really think 1D not only changed my life but saved it too.

When I first started being a fan of the band, it was 2012, and I had no idea how hard my life was about to become. I guess you probably felt like that too, in retrospect - when you auditioned for X Factor, and you were put in a band by surprise, and you strapped in for this wild ride you couldn't have anticipated, with the highs and the lows that came with it. I remember feeling so much joy listening to 1D, watching silly videos, meeting new people, writing and reading fanfiction. I invested so much of my time into 1D during the active years of the band, at first because I wanted to and it was fun, but now that I'm older and I have some perspective, it wasn't really that simple.

I had a really hard home life in those years. I was in high school, and I didn't have supportive parents. I remember at many points feeling like nobody understood me - not my friends, not my family, or anyone at school - except, in some weird way, One Direction and their fans did. You guys created an atmosphere that was so uplifting and supportive, that prioritized things like mental health and social justice, having a laugh and still being kind. These are all things I really needed in my life.

I didn't make a friend in the fandom until about 2016, so for the entire duration of 1D being active, I was doing my solo thing. I had other people I kind of interacted with during that time, but not any real friends I stayed in touch with. My entire high school career was me being a 1D fan basically alone, and I think I forget that sometimes because I have a lot of 1D friends now. But at my most vulnerable, and in my most formative years, the only thing I really had was One Direction. And I have been thinking a lot about how much of that fun, welcoming, supportive environment was exactly those things because of you. I felt so much support just being in the proximity of the fanbase and the band. I had something to live for, even when my home life was terrible, when my friends abandoned me, when my grades started slipping. I didn't have much sense of identity or self-awareness at all at the time, so it didn't occur to me until recently how much harder and more emotionally volatile those years would have been for me without One Direction. And when I finally did start processing all the hard stuff I had gone through a couple years later, my friends in the fandom were there for me in a way most people couldn't be. I'll be forever grateful to them, and to all of you.

I always felt like you saw me, and like you got me, and like we had the same priorities and values about how people should be treated. I guess that's because you had been bullied yourself and knew what it felt like to be treated unkindly. It really hurts me to know just how much unkindness you continued to receive all the way to the end. I think people saw your joy at the success of your loved ones and your continued pride in the band as somehow disingenuous, but I know it wasn't, because I see so much of myself in you.

I hope you know how many people truly loved and admired you, and how much good you put out into the world, and that the bad that each of us has done does not negate that. Without you, I wouldn't have lived this long. It sounds dramatic, but now that I'm on the other side of the hardest years of my life, I know I couldn't have made it through without you and your influence. You have been and still are a light to people on every continent, people you've never met, who have never been in the same stadium as you. Actually, in ways you don't know and in ways that can't be quantified, you have changed the lives of so many people indirectly. You changed my brother's life, for one, by helping me become someone who could be resilient and strong for him when he needed it. You changed my dad's life by making me someone who can teach others compassion. You've made my son's life possible, by helping me be strong enough to be here so he could even be born. And for every fan you've had like me, you've touched the lives of countless other people indirectly in the same way. The good you have done may be hard to see sometimes through all the noise, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I hope you knew that in those final days, and I hope you know it now, wherever you are.

I've found it really striking, how many of the people who knew you feel the need to say they hope you're finally at peace now. I wish that didn't say so much about how hard things were for you the last several years. I wish I could have been more vocal and let you know how much change you had made in my life and how much I love you. I wish I could have been more supportive than just a person you might see through pixels on a screen, although I know you had many loved ones who supported you in life too. The grief we are all feeling for you feels some days like it has stopped the world.

It's been a while since I've truly lost someone, and I think the last few years have made the impact of loss hit a lot harder than it used to. I understand now why people turn to religion in times like these. It's for hope.

A lot of other people have said it, but I hope in my heart that it's true:

You will find me

In places that we've never been

For reasons we don't understand

Walking in the wind

You shined so bright, and you still do. But I would have loved you even if you hadn't.

#liam payne #remembering liam payne

21 notes · View notes