#i want to get back to putting as much time in my personal stuff as i used to
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anatomy of us (2) | alpha!ghost x f!omega!reader
type: limited series, part 2 (7.2k) in an attempt to tame an unruly alpha, you are given. he did not come with warning labels. but neither did you.
series cw: reader described as plus-sized/curvier, alpha/beta/omega dynamics + universe, dark!simon, mature language and content, suggestive language and content, graphic depictions of murder + violence, military criticism, protective!simon, dubcon (but reader does consent), possessiveness, dom/sub dynamics, size kink, praise kink, unprotected piv, cumplay, oral (fem!receiving) 18+
PART 1
Tradition is not something you are fond of.
It’s something forced on you. When you question it, it’s offensive–how dare you question these things, made sacred over time? Why would you want to betray thousands of years of history? Time makes it definitive. Your being makes it natural. You submit because that is the natural thing to do, so in that sense, you submit to it all.
That is your duty. That is your calling. When you are claimed, you belong to them. You are property. Autonomy be damned–your place is on your knees, keeping your mouth shut, and any behavior against that is nothing short of a punishable offense, proper. Disobedient omegas make for troublesome households.
To keep you in line, you must be held at a short length from your alpha. It is what is done. It is what is expected.
Tradition.
Simon keeps a hand on you, curled at the base of your spine as he leads you back to where the sleeping quarters are. You know it’s for your protection, but the better part of you wants to smack him off of you whenever you feel his palm press just slightly against you. When you make it back into your room, Simon pauses in the doorway after he opens it for you. He looks nervous almost, sheepish. You turn to face him, looking him up and down. “You can come in if you want. I’m not gonna carry all my stuff by myself, you could probably carry a fucking tank looking at you.”
Simon finally comes inside, ducking his head a little to make it in. You know this room wasn’t meant to house an alpha, but it’s still startling to see him do it, taking up way too much space to be anything but claustrophobic. He watches as you pack your things, stuffing your clothes into your bags and picking up small trinkets around the bedside table and desk. After the bag starts to get heavy, you shove it into his arms as you look towards the bed. It’s a standard issue twin-sized, with barely enough sheets to keep you warm and a lumpy pillow that you hate. You make a face at it before turning around and putting more things into Simon’s arms as you empty the closet.
“Tha’ it?” Simon mutters, still able to peek over the mountain of items that he holds, and you shrug.
“That’s it.”
Simon’s own room is like a hospital room. It’s too clean–there’s nothing personal anywhere, no pictures or barely any clothes other than military issue fatigues. The only civilian clothes he has wouldn’t even make you think twice if you saw him in a bar–Simon will always look like a soldier, through and through, and his room stinks like it. It smells clinical, and nothing about it is cozy or warm. You stand in the middle of the room as Simon puts your things down. You ring your hands together nervously, eyeing the bed with one single, thin sheet on it. It’s too small of a bed for the both of you. It’s too small of a bed just for Simon–you don’t want to think about the kind of sleeping arrangements you’ll need to fit with him on it.
“Wot’s wrong?” Simon asks lowly. You look over your shoulder at him. He’s putting your things into the closet. He’s divided it in half already, and some of your clothes are already hung up next to his. You look back at the bed, pursing your lips.
“There’s not enough blankets,” you say softly. “A-And…And the pillows, here, I don’t like them.”
Simon turns back to your bag, picking up another shirt to hang. You glare at the back of him. It doesn’t do anything; he doesn’t erupt in flames like you might have hoped, but it does give you a moment to notice how well those jeans fit him.
Fuck. Keep it together.
“I’ll get you more blankets,” he shrugs. “And a different pillow.”
The answer is immediate. No fuss. You want to complain, to bite back at him for it, but you don’t know how you would explain your displeasure. You’re looking for a reason to tell your omega that she’s a scheming, hopeless, naïve little shit.
“...I don’t have to win you when y’r already mine.” Isn’t that what he had said? Isn’t that what he had said when he gripped you by the throat and made you realize that everything you had thought about alphas was true? Hadn’t he already shown you that none of them are redeemable?
Not Kate. Not John. Certainly not Simon–they’re all scheming, terrible fucking people, and you cannot wait until you can sink your teeth into Simon’s jugular and rip it out.
Belonging to, being one’s own, fuck if you care. Simon can claim ownership all he wants, but he’ll never tame you. Your omega might be pulling the strings at the moment, but you’re going through withdrawals, you think. Your medication was your lifeline. It kept you from falling off the tightrope, and you just need to learn how to stay upright without it. You can. When you get it back, when it’s in your hands again, she’ll understand.
She has to understand that only you know what’s good for you.
Simon places the rest of your things on his desk. A couple personal things, like your jewelry and some knickknacks, and then your bag with the rest of your clothes to be folded and put away. You take a seat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath. At least before, you could pretend like things were still a little normal. You could pretend that in your own room, you were simply waiting for another assignment, that you were just waiting for Kate to give you a call and move you somewhere new, somewhere safer.
“Am I just supposed to stay here and wait for you?” You ask finally. Simon shuffles around the room. He doesn’t look at you; instead, he takes a seat at a desk way too small for him and spreads a few papers around, frowning when he reads something that he doesn’t like. “Is that…is that my job?”
“Dunno.” Simon takes his phone out of his pocket, and he starts typing. “Don’t really feel like babysittin’.”
“I can take care of myself, you know,” you tell him. “I…I have combat experience. I was in training before this.”
Simon snorts, still focused on his phone. He shakes his head a little.
“Cute,” he mutters. “Tha’s cute.”
Patronizing shit.
“I bet I can shoot a target ten times better than you,” you spit at him. His fingers hover over the screen for just a moment, irritated, before he goes back to typing. “And I can hold my own. I don’t need a babysitter.”
Simon puts his phone back into his pocket. He crosses his arms over his chest, letting out a deep breath before coming over to stand in front of you. You tip your head back, and he reaches down with a hand to cup under your jaw, holding you there. Just like that–your omega has you. You lean in, just that much. Simon sees it in your eyes, and he sniffs, looking you over.
Maybe he thinks you’re pathetic. In some sense, you agree with him, because what the fuck is wrong with me? You get one look into Simon’s eyes, and something chemical in you fires. You bend, and you relax, and you know if he asked you to open your mouth so he could spit in it, it would take a tremendous amount of effort to tell him no. It angers you and excites you all the same, and the conflicting flashes under your ribs bring tears to your eyes.
You hate yourself. You hate yourself for not being able to say no. You hate yourself for being everything they said you would be. You hate yourself for being nothing like you thought you were.
You’re soft. Sweet. All bark, no bite, a spiteful kitten that deep down, aims to please. The only thing that really baffles you, though, is why you only feel this way with Simon.
Is it because they told you that you were his mate? Is it because he’s done something, that he’s projecting some kind of scent? Has he already unknowingly changed your very makeup so your body knows that you are bound to him? When you look into John’s eyes, you see alpha. You see big, salivating dog, and if you could, you’d rip the hairs of his beard out just to see him in pain.
But Simon–it’s like you can’t move. Every time you look at him, and he looks at you, he holds you there. Just like now, he’s got you, and you feel like he can read everything you’re feeling. He’s being fed your secrets, and you hate him for it, but I can’t look away, please look away, please don’t make me–
“Need to get you somethin’ to eat,” Simon says finally. “And it’s time to meet the rest of the lot.”
Simon is starting to get used to keeping a hand on you. It annoys you a little, to feel his hand at your back, but the annoyance dissolves when you realize this base is filled with sneering alphas. They holler and yell, and they are very large and angry, but they still are small compared to Simon. They quiet whenever they walk past you, and even the whiff of omega doesn’t deter them with Simon behind you.
In the mess hall, you see Captain Price sitting at a table with two others. When you get closer to the table, you cough a little, stumbling back, and Simon catches you around the waist to hold you upright. The stench of alphas hits you like a truck, and Simon grunts as he tells you relax, fuckin’ hell.
You give him a hard stare–how the fuck would he know? There’s four alphas in your close vicinity, and they’re all puffing their chests and smiling, and it stings to smell them all at once. You turn your head a little to shield yourself, and when you filter everything else out but Simon, it frustrates you a little how much of him seems to calm you down.
Smells so good. Get closer. Press your nose to it, I-I want more–
“I see you two are getting along nicely,” John comments, leaning back in his chair. You roll your eyes a little, and when you lock eyes with him, you purse your lips and try to look anything but pleased. Simon guides you to sit down; he motions to the bench, just to the left of where someone else is already sitting–a big, burly soldier with crazy blue eyes. He has a terrible haircut, short along the sides with tufts of curls falling down the middle and over his forehead. He’s wiggling his eyebrows at his lieutenant behind you. Across from him, there’s another alpha with dark eyes and soft skin, and he’s smiling like an idiot around the rim of his plastic cup. You’re a little nervous–you had spent most of your time on your old base surrounded by betas who barely gave you a glance, and now you’re off your meds and being hit with a million different sensations everywhere you go. Simon’s touch on your back eases your shoulders a little.
“Tha’s Johnny,” Simon points to the one next to you. “Tha’s Gaz. ‘n I’m sure ya had the pleasure of our Captain.”
“Yeah, looks like your beard is still in tact, so glad to see it,” you say curtly, crossing your arms over your chest. The two sergeants laugh, ducking their heads, and John raises a brow before looking at Simon with a clenched jaw. Simon just shrugs, stretching his arm out on the back of your chair, and you get the feeling this happens often–John giving Simon that look, and Simon merely brushing it off. You smile to yourself a little, looking at Simon from over your shoulder. When you meet eyes, he stares back, looking over your face. He lingers on your lips for just a second too long before looking back up again.
I bet he tastes good under that mask. Let’s find out.
“Hungry?” He asks, and you blink. Your omega has never been inside of your head like this. You nearly opened your mouth and asked him for it, asked him please, please–let me taste, I won’t look, just let me taste you. You swallow her down a little, and you just nod to keep yourself moving. Simon stands up to make his way towards where the food is, and you watch curiously as instead of standing in line, he pushes open a door into the kitchen and disappears behind it.
“LT’s been gettin’ ye special meals,” Johnny says with a full mouth. You frown a little, and not just cause he’s chewing with his mouth a little too open.
“What do you mean?”
“He has the cooks make you somethin’ special,” Gaz says as he takes a sip of water. He leans back, smiling again, and it irks you a little. Alphas are brutes, disgusting big things with too many hormones, and you hate that this one gets to be pretty, too. Not that John or his sergeant aren’t attractive, but this one definitely enjoys a good mirror selfie, and it shows. “Something not on the menu. He didn’t like that you weren’t eating much, at the beginning. Made a fuss, and now he gets you better food.”
“He can do that?”
“Well, would ye say no to tha’ big man?” Johnny snorts, dipping his crusty bread in sauce. You look back towards the door, and Simon comes out holding a tray. He sets it down in front of you, and you bite your lip looking down at it. It smells so good, and you pick up your fork gently, sticking it into the pasta and twirling it. When you take a bite and sigh, Simon takes a seat next to you, and you can barely hear the sweet rumble in his chest of satisfaction.
Providing for you. Taking care of you. He’s so capable, isn’t he? Look at what he does for you.
If Simon notices you scoot closer to him, he doesn’t say anything. You don’t react either–it wasn’t a conscious choice.
Simon’s shower has hot water. Not that the showers you’d had were cold, but the communal showers were just that–communal. Shared, and although your escort always made sure you were the only one in there while you showered, it was still feeding off a water heater that always had barely any juice left. Lukewarm showers, so you tried to finish quick.
Simon’s shower turns the water scalding. You giggle with relief when you stand under it, letting it loosen your sore muscles and relieve your aching bones. It feels good, and you take a little longer in there, taking your time and enjoying the heat.
When it’s time to wash your body, you realize you’re missing your own soap. You look around for something else, noticing the unlabeled bottle that rests on a ledge. You squirt a pump of it into your palms, and when you raise it to your nose, your eyes flutter shut.
It’s the eucalyptus you smelled on Simon. A little plastic aftersmell, which you know is from whatever backwater dollar store the military buys it from, but on Simon, it smells so good. You lather it in your hands and hold it up to your nose, and you sigh deeply.
He’s just outside. Why don’t you call for him? I bet he’s listening. I bet he’s waiting for us.
You slide your hands down your arms. With the heat of the water, the whole bathroom starts to smell like it, and you let your hands slide down further, over your waist, between your thighs. When your fingers touch your puffy clit, you’re nearly jolted back into reality.
“Fuck–” You gasp, reaching for the level, shutting the water off. The last of the water curls down the drain, and you cough as you look around. You curl your toes, grounding yourself, and then you get out of the shower and reach for the towel. When you look into the mirror, your pupils are blown wide, and you feel like you don’t recognize yourself. You drop the towel and dress yourself, trying to keep your mind occupied with menial tasks.
Get your shit together.
When you open the bathroom door, Simon is back from his little errand he had run. He’s carrying a few blankets and a thick comforter, and there’s a few new pillows on the bed with it. You use the towel to keep drying the wet strands of your hair, and Simon turns around when he hears you walk in further.
You pass by him wordlessly as you reach the bed. You put your hands on the blankets that he put down, and you close your eyes when you feel how soft they are. Threaded cotton and fleece, lots of thick feathers in the comforter to make it nice and fluffy. When you turn to look over your shoulder, Simon does a terrible job of pretending like he wasn’t just staring at your ass in the little sleep shorts you’re wearing. You want to snap at him, but your omega pinches your tongue.
Take them off. Take them off. Take them off.
“So, what…” You clear your throat. “How are we supposed to sleep in that bed? T-Together?”
Simon tilts his head to the side. You start to despise the mask. You hate that you can’t tell what he’s thinking, not even a little, and after the rather joyous conversations you’ve had with Simon (barf), you can’t say you’re entirely excited to be in this close of a space with him.
“Don’t worry,” Simon murmurs. “I’ll be good.”
Oh, that totally makes you feel better.
Prick.
He makes you get into bed and turn facing the wall as he turns out the lights. He pulls at the edge of his mask uncomfortably, and you realize he doesn’t want you to see his fine. Fine, you think to yourself, throwing the sheets back with a huff, bet you’re fucking ugly mug would blind me anyways.
You cuddle under all the blankets, snuggling into the new pillow that sinks under your head. You hum gently, closing your eyes, and you aren’t able to see Simon rubbing his chest warmly as he watches you. He sucks on his teeth, not truly understanding what he feels, but knowing that it’s soothing the beast in him to take care of you.
It rattles him. Simon isn’t used to this. He’s not used to feeling like he doesn’t have control. He resisted this for so long. He tried so hard to fight, he said no to Kate over and over and over again.
Omegas to Simon were liabilities. To care was to have a target on your back. To be mated meant having something to lose.
Ask Price, is what he told her, ask the fuckin’ sergeants, anyone but me, but she wouldn’t hear it. It had to be him, it had to be, and then she locked him into a room with her, and she leveled with him.
She told him that you are special. That you are precious. That omegas like you don’t exist, that you are one in a single generation, and there isn’t anyone else in the world that will do except for him.
Price, married to the field. The sergeants, immature and might as well be titled barracks bunnies. But Simon–purebred, quiet, controlled. Terrified of himself and what he is. His unofficial pack that he defends with his entire being, that is the only alpha worth giving to you.
Kate had thought about it before. What it might be like to push the hair away from your neck and sink her teeth there. As easy as putting her signature to paper, she could have the CIA running laps to keep you protected, but she knew that wasn’t the life for her. It couldn’t be.
In every situation, Kate would have to choose that lesser evil, and in her world, it would mean her choice would unlikely be you.
Simon? Simon answered to no one. Unlike his sergeants, he cared little for authority; he wouldn’t blink twice saying no to his superior. Unlike his Captain, Simon didn’t mind choosing the bloody way out. He was the first with his finger on the trigger, and the last to sweep a room. Kate knew–if Simon had to choose between the greater good and the omega he claimed?
Fuck the greater good. That, she could count on.
If Kate only asked for one thing, it would be this. She did promise you. She promised she would keep you away from it all. She promised that she would make things right. She promised that she would protect you, but even Kate answers to others, and the reality of this kind of world is that the only way to really protect you was to give you away.
To put you into the same world that you had only begged to be kept away from.
Nobody likes playing matchmaker, but maybe putting together the most stubborn and angry people in the world might save you from yourselves. At least she hoped so.
You’re nearly asleep when you feel Simon come to bed. All the lights are off, and it’s pitch black in the room. There’s some shuffling around the room, and then you feel the blankets move. All of the sudden, a heat stronger than you’ve ever felt takes up the entire bed. Pressed against your back, a solid chest, and then a huge arm falls over your waist.
“We cuddling now?” You mumble sleepily, and Simon breathes out slowly, not responding. When you fall asleep, it’s unnervingly easy. Your omega purrs, digging her nails into you, and when you turn your head in the dark and feel the brush of his unmasked face against yours, she preens.
He’s right there–just a little taste. Just a little. Please, please, please–
Omegas cannot claim, but they can bite. It takes everything inside of you not to sink your teeth into him.
“You smell that? Smells like fuckin’ sweets, mates.”
You take off your headphones and safety glasses, looking over your shoulder. There’s a few recruits a few lanes down from you, wiggling their eyebrows and licking their lips. One of them crudely grabs his crotch, winking at you. You make a face.
Gross.
“Let me see you, baby. Smell so good.”
You holster the gun you’re holding, leaning against the counter with your hip. You raise a brow, tilting your head to the side.
“Are you done?” You ask, and they take that as their cue to start walking closer. An invitation.
They don’t get very far. You smell him before you see him. On instinct, your shoulders relax with that whiff of charcoal. You push off the counter just in time for him to come up behind you, and you feel the heat of his chest as it presses against your back. The recruits in front of you stop immediately, and you feel a disgusting sense of satisfaction when Simon bends over your shoulder to look at you.
“‘n wot’s this?” Simon growls. You shrug, crossing your arms over your chest.
“I don’t know. They wanna have a dick-measuring contest, but I think they’re afraid they’re gonna lose,” you say. You let out an annoyed sigh, turning again to put your safety glasses on. You put the headphones back over your ears and take the gun out of your holster, turning the safety off as you line it up with the paper targets near the back of the course. “You know. Cause my dick is way bigger.”
You unload the clip just for fun. You’re supposed to be practicing on accuracy, which for you meant slower, spaced-out shots to try and hit the same spot over and over, but the sound of the gun going off again and again helps distract you from the laughing, untrained dogs that are littered across the shooting range.
When you put the gun down after emptying the magazine, Simon is salivating. The paper target head is obliterated, each bullet almost next to its last. When you turn around, Simon tilts his head to the side. You holster the gun, starting to walk, and Simon lets his eyes drop to the sway of your hips as you pass by him. It’s not a conscious decision, the way his fingers curl into fists and squeeze hard.
“Told you,” you say to him. “Huge dick, right, baby?”
Something flares in Simon’s chest when he hears it. Like a switch, his legs start moving, following you, and when he passes by a recruit that is standing much too close to you, Simon shoves the recruit back so hard, they smack their nose against the wall and curses from the impact, blood dripping under their bruised nose.
The rest of the day, you don’t see another rookie walk even five feet into your vicinity. Even without a mark on your neck, you are claimed, and right before you leave your room for dinner, Simon is fitting a dark hoodie over your head. The smell overwhelms you. It’s soaked in his scent, and you turn to face him, looking at him suspiciously. Your omega keeps you from questioning him. She wants you to start walking, because she knows he’ll touch you when you do.
It’s that night that Simon asks John for you to join them. All Simon does is slide the shredded paper target across his desk. John picks it up, tacking it onto the wall. He chuckles, shaking his head. It’s an impressive piece of paper, but being a good shot isn’t the only reason someone is cleared to work with them. Even besides that, it’s forbidden.
“Omegas aren’t allowed in the field, Simon,” John reminds him. “You know that.”
“Think tha’s why we should take her,” Simon mutters. “She’s a distraction. A good one.”
“A weapon,” John frowns. He can already hear Kate screaming into his ear if she ever saw you geared up between them on an op.
“A tool.”
“And what does she think of that, eh?” John slips his hat off, tossing it onto his desk. He sighs, running a hand over his beard, and he shakes his head. “And Kate…Kate would hang my fuckin’ head.”
“Not Kate’s responsibility anymore, she’s mine,” Simon bites back. He knows it’s wrong. In all honesty, the sentiment tasted bad from the moment he said it to you, but it is easier to let you believe that he’s using you then try and make you understand him. You wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t get his reasons, and that’s fine, so if he has to be the bad guy, so be it.
The least he could do is make himself useful. Put your skills to work, poke your mind. See what you can really do.
“Don’t let your girl hear you talkin’ like that, Simon,” John says lowly. “Not her, and certainly not Kate.”
“But you agree,” Simon continues, chuckling lowly. “I speak for her. ‘n I think she’d be right in on it, Captain. Wot else is she to do, eh? Sit in my fuckin’ quarters and wait f’me? Wot kind of life is tha’? She needs this. She’s good. I can teach ‘er. She’ll learn. Well and good she will, I know it.”
John sniffs, running a big hand over his short hair before tapping a pen over the target paper on the wall.
“I need her OK,” John relents finally. “I need to hear it from her. I get that, I’m alright with it. But she has to know what she’s getting into, Simon. And no one but you is responsible for her. If she gets into something, I’m not gonna risk Soap or Gaz for it–”
“I know,” Simon mutters. “She’ll be my shadow. I’ll teach ‘er.”
She’ll be good. She’ll be good because she’s mine.
“Bravo-7, sitrep.”
“Eyes on target. Waiting on confirmation.” Simon looks over his shoulder for a moment, where you’re sitting as his cover. You look cute, he thinks. All geared up. He lets his eyes sweep over the cargo pants that are cinched around your waist. Your nice curves. Thick thighs. Fuck, you smell good, even with all the sand up his nose and the smoke clinging to his mask. You have your rifle tucked into your elbow, and you’ve got it aimed towards the door of the roof.
“Is it always so fucking hot?” You ask, running your wrist over your lip. You’re sweating; you can feel it dripping down the back of your neck and along your back. You’re wearing a lot of gear, but you’ve done this before, and you don’t remember it being so uncomfortable. It must be the climate–you’re not used to this kind of desert, and you need to get it together.
Despite the irritation you feel every time you look at Simon, your omega wants to please him. She wants to show him she can do this, that she’s capable, and you’re starting to not like that she’s behaving as if you and her are one and the same.
I’m in control. Shut the fuck up. Let me focus.
“Just watch the door,” Simon mutters, turning back to focus. He adjusts the scope of his rifle, taking a deep breath as he leans into the stock. He gets his target into his line of sight, and he narrows his eye a little more to watch the group more closely on the ground. It’s hard to ignore you. Normally, the person covering him goes almost unnoticed. Their scent never affects him, not enough to make him look away from his scope, but there’s something in the air way too close to him, and he scrunches his nose a little as he adjusts his position on the ground. “You stink, by the way.”
“Shut the fuck up,” you snap. “Not my fault.”
“Certainly is y’r fault.”
“You reek, too, you ass,” you mumble, wiping your forehead again. You adjust how you’re sitting, clearing your throat. It’s scratchy, and you’re starting to itch a little all over, too. “Like wet dog.”
Simon smiles under his mask. He keeps his index finger next to the trigger, and you keep yours on it.
“How much longer do we have to do this? I mean…I thought you were SAS. Don’t you guys…get your hands real dirty? I mean, don’t you go tearing doors down? Get a lot of action? I mean, we’re just sitting ducks on a roof here right now.”
“Wot, you wanna go kick some doors down now?” Simon asks. He shakes his head. “The real job is boring. We do things nice and clean, we only get dirty when we ‘ave to. If I can get a target from 1000 yards away, then tha’s wot I’ll do. Besides. This is wot I’m good at.”
“Yeah, you look real good there on your knees, honey.”
Simon blinks hard when something strong hits his nose. It stings, makes his eyes water. He coughs a little, dropping his head for a moment.
“Fuckin’ Christ,” Simon hisses. “Wot the fuck is wrong with ya?”
“I-I don’t know,” you whisper. You take your hand off your rifle for a moment to adjust the collar of your shirt, but it doesn’t help. You shift a little, loosening your tactical vest. You want to take it off, but you know that’s a bad idea out here. It’s hard to think clearly, though, when your brain is cloudy and you’re starting to see things in double every so often. “It’s…it’s too hot.”
Simon huffs, “‘n when was the last time you had a heat?”
“I’ve…I’ve never.” You clear your throat. “I’ve never had one.”
Can you smell him? I can smell him. He smells so good.
Simon nearly leaves his post. He grips his rifle tight, gloved hands squeezing the metal, and he turns to look at you incredulously.
“Fuckin’ repeat tha’?”
“I know you’re blind and dumb, but don’t tell me you’re fucking deaf, too,” you mumble. You swallow, wiping your face again, and Simon presses on the radio on his shoulder.
“Bravo-7 to Bravo-6, how long do we got?”
“Just observation on target for now. Why?”
“Need 10 minutes.”
Simon shuts off the radio. You blink, starting to see double pretty consistently now, and you take a shaky breath as you grip your rifle a little tighter. You hear shuffling behind you, and you look back to see Simon moving from his position.
“What are you doing? Simon–”
“Get over ‘ere.” Simon sets his rifle down. “Tha’ wasn’t a fuckin’ suggestion, tha’ was an order!”
There’s something different in his voice at the end. Something more animal that lilts his drawl, and it makes you coherent enough to start moving–like his voice made all the fog clear up for just a few moments, long enough for you to realize you need him.
Closer. Closer. Closer.
You put your rifle down, crawling over to him, and just as you stumble, Simon catches you. You put your hands on his shoulders, falling into his lap, and he hoists you up until you’re straddling him. You feel him starting to tug on your cargos, and even in your daze, you squeeze his shoulders.
“S-Simon? What are you…What are you doing?”
“Y’r gonna go into heat soon,” Simon mutters. Alarm bells go off in your head, and you dig your nails into his shoulders. He can see it clearly–the panic on your face.
“H-Heat? R-Right now?”
“Not right now,” Simon clicks his tongue. “More like a…pre-heat. Get y’r bloody pants off–”
When Simon tugs your cargos down enough, you gasp when you see the mess your panties are in. They’re soaked, drenched until the cotton is a darker color, sticking to your cunt, and you whimper as Simon tugs you back into his lap with your pants around your ankles. It’s awkward and messy, and you’re sweating bullets, hot and bothered, and your chest feels tight. There’s nothing romantic about it, nothing sweet about the way Simon turns you in his lap. It’s hurried, but you’re just as desperate, clawing to whatever piece of him you can touch and trying to sink into him. If you could, you’d pry him open and force yourself to tuck yourself inside of him. You want to live there forever. You want to be in his skin, soaking it all in–you want it. You want this, don’t you?
He’s touching us! He’s touching us! Let him in!
“W-What’s happening t-to me?”
“‘s olright,” Simon whispers in your ear. “I’ve got ya. There we are…” He cups your pussy, making you squirm. You jolt in his lap, throwing your head back against his shoulder, and he hums as you sink into his touch. Something inside you curls and lights on fire. Your vision blurs, and his scent surrounds you. “Oh…fuck…tha’ wot ya needed, swee’eart? Yeah…”
Yes! Yes! Yes!
“Simon–” Your back arches, and you push your hips into his hand. When he touches your clit, your omega seizes inside your head, and it’s a feeling like you’ve never felt before.
She takes the reigns; and God, does she fucking pull.
You palm at the zipper of his pants. There’s something there, something you want–and you need it. There’s something in your chest that blinds you, that familiar voice in your head that chants–take it out, take it out, take it out.
“‘m workin’ on it, love,” you hear from behind, and you realize you’re talking. You’re out of your body, you think. You’re not yourself. When you feel him in your daze, big and throbbing under your hand, you whine. It comes from deep within your chest, a bubble of nonsense, and Simon coos. He drags your hips closer, and his cock slips under you, between your folds, and you use your palm to keep him pressed to you. You can’t see him, but you felt him when you first met him, and you’re feeling him now.
If there was any doubt that he was anything but an alpha, that thought disappears when his fat tip kisses your clit. He’s hot and throbbing under your hand, and he is more than enough to appease the voice in your head that’s screaming for some kind of inherent relief that it knows he can give.
“Simon, I need it–I need it–”
“I know, love.”
Fuck, Simon would win any dick-measuring contest, you think. Barely the tip of him, and you’re baring your teeth, gripping his thighs and digging your nails into him as you try and breathe through the stretch. He’s not even fully hard yet; the blood is rushing to his cock, and you moan and cry as he sits you down further and further and further–
“What the fuck–what is it you have in your fucking pants, a-a fucking pipe–?!”
“Y’r so much prettier when y’r mouth ain’t runnin’,” Simon mutters. “Ahh–fuck–’s mine, oll mine–”
You put your hands on his knees and throw it back. You’re feral, brain foggy, and all you can think about is getting yourself off. Your body clings to Simon like a thick, curling vice, pussy clamping around him and taking him to the root. You’re dripping down your thighs, wetting his cargos, and you’re thankful that he’s wearing black, otherwise you can’t think about the mess you’d really be leaving on him. The sounds are lewd. Frantic smack, smack, smack against his thick thighs, and the sound is only making you drool for more. He’s so big. He’s hitting you deep, and you swear your insides have never been stretched this far, but it’s like your body is molding itself to fit him. Like you’re making room for him.
It’s so good. It feels right. Your omega growls like an animal, crying with relief. It’s the only thing she’s ever wanted, and she has it in her hands, and she licks at your scent gland until it practically vibrates. Simon’s face is pressed to it, like he can hear her calling. His mask is the only thing separating you, but you can feel his teeth straining against the fabric. They cut over the gland, wet like his tongue is poking against it, too, and your omega screams.
Bite me, bite me, bite me.
“Not yet,” Simon grunts. “Won’t take.”
“You’ll make it take.”
He laughs, and then he punches the air out of you with a nice thrust. Then he’s on you. Suddenly, you’re on your knees, your tummy against the sandy rooftop, with a stallion of a soldier on top of you, taking you like his last meal.
He sounds like more bear than man. Growling, spitting, both hands on either side of your head as he fucks you into the floor. There’s a smile on your face, soft relief that leaves you in your pretty moans and gurgled pleas. It feels so good. The tip of his cock curves and hits against the same place each time, sending pulses that rack your body over and over and over again. Your thighs are shaking, and then Simon slips one hand under you and cups your pussy, fitting it just right until you can grind down on his palm in perfect timing with the way the fat tip of him hits you just well enough. It should hurt. You’ve never taken anything so big–of course you’ve practiced, but nothing can prepare you for the real thing.
This is still practice. You’re not in your heat, not really, and Simon hasn’t lost his fucking mind yet.
Like a fiend, you chase it. The stars, the mountain to climb, the beautiful end. You get up a little more onto your knees and you wrap a hand around his neck, force him against your jaw. You goad him on with pretty words, soft moans–that’s it, right there, please.
It’s not his first time. It’s not his first time relieving an itch he can’t scratch, and it’s not his first time taking an omega by the neck and pounding into her until she can’t speak, but it’s the first time his resolve shatters.
He wants to bite. He’s never felt the urge to bite. If it wasn’t for the mask, his teeth would be an inch deep in your neck, and he’d be memorizing what your blood tasted like for the first time. Your scent is just that much off that he knows it isn’t the right time, but fuck–the need is there. It’s clear.
Special. One of a kind. No one like her. Soft. Sweet. Mine.
His knot swells a little, but it doesn’t lock. You’re not in a proper heat, so it’s not right just yet, but you can feel the edge of it, like the preface to a glorious poem. Thick and spongy, hot, and when he comes, your eyes roll back in your head. It feels like being thirsty for days on end and finally getting that sweet drink of crystal clear water. He pumps you full, creamy and thick and dribbling between your thighs as you squeeze them together. Subconsciously, you’re trying to keep it inside, and Simon groans when as he latches his mouth over your scent gland under the mask and sucks–so hard, it pinches you just right.
The stars align. The tide wanes. You mumble softly, dopey smile on your face, and when your own high hits you, and you’re squirting into his hand, you let his rumbling, low voice pull you back to earth.
“I ‘ave ya, swee’eart,” he says. “Shhh…easy, kitty…Shh…yeah, easy.”
You sigh with relief. Simon handles you with ease. He picks you up, gets you to sit back on your heels. You don’t see it, but Simon fits his wet fingers under the mask, and you keen when you hear him suck on his fingers and hum.
He likes us. Hear that? He likes us.
“Want you to eat me,” you giggle suddenly, and Simon wipes you down, picking your pants back up and zipping them. He pats your ass gently, smoothing a hand over the back of your neck. He knows you’re still in a different headspace. He knows there’s still something else drawing your breath, but he’s trying not to think about it too much. It sounds so much like you.
“Do plenty o’tha’ when we’re in the thick o’it, kitty.”
Back in the humvee, Johnny is smiling like an idiot. He’s sitting next to Kyle, hitting him with his elbow as he wiggles his eyebrows at you and Simon sitting across from them. You tilt your head to the side, glaring.
“What?” You snap, and Johnny cackles. His eyes are flashing, and he reeks like happiness.
“Smells like ye had fun.”
“My gun is loaded, shithead,” you warn him. “And I know how the fucking safety works.”
When Johnny moves to sit in the front near your captain, you try not to think about the sudden warmth over your knee, and the squeeze of Simon’s hand on you.
NEXT
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#dark!ghost#dark!simon
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Ivan could feel the constant squirming in his butt. He thought that Kysic was done trying to escape from his ass. It was punishment for always taking his stuff without permission.
48 hours ago.........
Ivan had found several things missing again from his room. He knew who had done it. His roommate Kysic had a nasty habit of borrowing his stuff without even asking. Sometimes, he would return them not the way he had taken them. It really pissed him off about that. He often told him not to take anything from his room unless he asked. Yet time and time again Kysic kept doing it over and over. He decided to put a stop to it and teach him a lesson in leaving his things alone.
As Kysic was in the living room watching tv, Ivan brought him an open soda can. "Here, you must be thirsty." He handed him the soda can.
"Thanks roomy, I thought you would be really upset over my nasty habit." Kysic spoke as he drunk the soda. It was so delicious that he guzzled down the whole thing in seconds. "That was tasty and refreshing." He added as he noticed Ivan smiling back at him. "What's with the smile?" He asked.
Ivan looked at him, "You will see. And I also am still upset over your nasty habit. But I decided to put you in a place to break that nasty habit of yours." He spoke as he waited.
Kysic didn't know what exactly he meant by that. Suddenly thought the whole room was spinning all around him. Everything grew in size, even the couch he was sitting on. He looked over at Ivan who was now like a giant to him. "What's happening?!" He exclaimed in a tiny voice as continued to shrink in size.
Ivan laughed this time. "Soon, you will be small enough to fit in my ass. It will be you prison for the next two days at least. This will teach you the value of personal space." He paused. "You will be my personal butt toy." He added.
Kysic soon found himself centimeters tall, and the world around him extremely huge. He saw Ivan lower his shorts and underwear. He realized that his roommate wasn't lying to him. He began to run, but was already too late. Ivan snatched him up and stuffed him in his butt crack towards his hole. He then stuff part of him into his hole for good measure. "Enjoy your new home for the next two days." He heard him say before closing his butt cheeks, leaving him in a total dark and sweaty prison.
The last 48 hours had been a place of torture for Kysic. There wasn't an ounce of light unless Ivan parted his butt cheeks. It was stuffy and sweaty. Him passing gas made his prison almost unbearable to be there. The worst of it was when Ivan workout. It made it extremely sweaty and slippery. He had to work hard not to get swallowed in his hole. At night, Ivan would fart in his sleep, causing him to pass out and wake up frequently in his hole. Ivan was careful to make sure he couldn't escape his ass when he showered. He would plug him in, keeping him from any means of escaping his prison.
Kysic felt like he learned his lesson. He would leave his roommate's things alone for now on. He hoped some squirming would help Ivan realize he wanted out and learned his lesson.
Ivan was enjoying how much Kysic was squirming in his hole. He really did make the perfect butt toy. He had initially planned just a 48 hour stay in his butt but decided to enjoy his tiny prisoner a little longer. He could tell him his plan, but it would be more fun for the little butt toy to found out on his own. That thought really amused him as he continued to work on his computer.
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tattoo artist azriel
Notes: possibly pervert azriel but y/n’s a pervert too. Dirty lines. This wasn’t gonna be smut but it is now. Sub Azriel but also, he’s a power sub. This derailed so fast. I promise we will go back to the tattoo stuff eventually. Plus size reader. Lots of run on sentences. I can't write smut so I tried my best.
funny enough this is probably one of the fics that’s nearest to my heart.
Word count bc this is the longest thing ive ever written at a whopping 4k
Pls listen to motivate by little mix for this.
-You met each other because your friend worked at a tattoo shop with him.
-When you walked in the door and saw this man that looked like a greek god standing there you almost bolted in the opposite direction and was going to text your best friend to just meet you outside.
-You knew about Azriel from your best friend. Kind but introverted. He didn’t talk much aside from jokey comments. But he was a man that your friend had deemed a safe one. You knew he was attractive based on photos, but the first moment you saw him in person, you didn’t expect him to still be so attractive.
-Little did you know, he also knew about you.
-He had seen a picture of you because on your friends desk there’s a collage of you and all of your guys’ friends. Anything that gives her motivation in such a touch and go industry.
-It was a photo where you were laughing at something your friend had said. Mouth fully open, nose scrunched and eyes squinting.
-He was enamoured with you. Something about you just put him into a trance. He didn’t want to sound like a stalker, because he sure felt like one. But he thought you were really pretty.
-He got to meet you because you had come to pick your best friend up for lunch. She was finishing up with a client as you sat at the front of the building.
“You can walk back there with her, you know.” Azriel leaned against the counter.
You shook your head, “nah, I’ll start yapping and oversharing with her client. She doesn’t need that.”
He chuckled, “I’m Azriel.”
“I’m Y/n.” You beamed and he felt his heart squeeze.
-Your best friend interrupted you two ten minutes later to drag you to lunch. He couldn’t help the blush that formed on his face when you waved and smiled with your big pearly whites.
-After a few months, he got the nerve to ask your best friend about you. He saw you about once a week now to pick your friend up for her lunch break. And every time he tried to work up the nerve to ask you out or ask your friend about you. You guys would chat every single time you saw each other, slowly getting to know each other more.
-”Hey.” Azriel started.
“Hey!” Your best friend chirped. “What’s up?”
“Is Y/N single?”
She had stopped sketching completely and looked up at him. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t be asking this as a joke.” He blinked in surprise.
“Azriel, she’s a serious type of girl. She’s not into hookups, and if you break her heart I have a slew of inappropriate things to tattoo on you.”
His stomach sank, this wasn’t going well. “I’m serious. I really like her, she's funny and cute.”
“She’s also queer. You need to be okay with that in order for me to let you date her.” She narrowed her eyes at Azriel, vetting him for you. “Oh, that doesn’t bug me. As long as she’s into men right?” He shrugged.
“In her words, she unfortunately is.” He knew she was testing him. For homophobia, or if he was okay with men-bashing.
Considering he knew he wasn’t the problem, he was totally fine with men-bashing.
“Lucky for me.” He said determinedly.
That’s when your friend smiled, and began forming a plan.
-Your friend through a summer solstice party. It was a bonfire in her backyard. You and Azriel had been briefly seeing each other all night. But at the end, you two were by the fire and began talking.
-He looked up to your friend's house and saw her give him a big thumbs up. He appreciated the encouragement but he was wigging out.
-He had brought you two s’mores and a blanket for the cool summer air.
You two happily munched on the snack, then he decided to get it over with before he threw up into the fire pit.
He looked over and saw you looked ethereal in the warm hues of orange and yellow as the fire crackled and popped. You had just licked a smudge of chocolate from your thumb.
He took a deep breath, “Y/N, I have a question.”
“Oh don’t say it like that. My stomach just fell into my ass.” You said exasperated. Fearing the worst.
“It’s nothing bad, at least I hope you don't think it is.” He sighed, “will you go on a date with me?”
“You don’t sound too happy to ask me out.” You laughed nervously. “No! No. I’m just so nervous. You’re really pretty and smart and funny. I've been interested for months.” He’s never been so candid towards someone he’s pursuing, but you are special and have the ability to strip him bare without even trying.
You smiled, “I want to say yes…”
“But?” He prompted. “It’s really scary for me to date.” You confessed, nervously biting your lip. “Tell me about it.” He shifted more towards you so he was facing you. “What can I do to make you more comfortable?”
Your heart turned gooey like the melted chocolate you had just eaten. “It’s really me that’s the problem.”
“I doubt that.” He said earnestly.
You huffed a laugh out your nose. “I’ve been on two dates. They both sucked and just made me feel shitty. I don’t like feeling like that. And there’s so much pressure to look good and be this person I don’t know if I am.” You shrugged. “Like putting the best parts of myself and not my whole self.”
“No offense, but only two? Honestly, you’re really attractive. I was expecting more competition.” He quickly realized how bad ‘only two’ sounded. He didn’t want to accidentally make it seem like he was calling you a ‘slut’. Even if you did sleep around, that didn’t stop him from being interested.
You shrugged. “Nobody wants to date a queer fat girl because they're insecure.”
That sentence pissed him off on your behalf, however he loved that you knew they were insecure and that you deserved better.
“I think you’re beautiful.” He said.
You blushed, “thank you. And I know you mean that.”
“I do.” He nodded, then he got an idea. “Do you feel shitty right now? Is this feeling like you’re performing?” “No?” You answered with your own question.
“How about this for our first date?”
You giggled, “we’ve barely seen each other tonight.”
“This. Right here by the fire. This can be our first date.” He declared. “No pressure. No performing.”
It was so cute and sweet, he’s so cute and sweet.
You couldn’t help your answer. “I’d love that. Let’s schedule a second one?”
He felt like his chest was about to collapse from happiness.
-Your second date, he drove his motorcycle to pick you up. He had advised against dresses or skirts and to make sure to bring a jacket.
You felt your heart race the second you saw this hot piece of ass on a motorcycle with a helmet for you.
-At stop lights he would reach an arm around to stroke your thigh. And while it was very forward, it gave you the courage to run your hands up and down his chest. Your nails lightly grazing his pecs.
-He was glad the light turned green so he could think about something weird to get his boner to go away.
-You two ended the night at a rooftop bar that your friend advised him on. You hadn’t been there but she knew you’d love it and you did.
-The warm summer breeze but there was still a slight chill. The fairy lights, the city lights. The appetizers and drinks. Alcohol for you, non-alcoholic for him.
-You felt peace with him. Like you aren’t being scrutinized or put on display. You felt more comfortable with him than you felt with most people.
-And you had only known him for a few months.
-You felt safe and protected.
-Once he dropped you back at your place. You didn’t want the night to end which was rare for you. Usually, you couldn’t leave a date fast enough.
“Can I kiss you?” He asked, he was blushing and nervous.
“Please do.” You whispered.
“Trust me, Y/N. You never have to beg when it comes to me.” He confessed before he pulled you to him.
It was a kiss that made your knees weak. It was intense, it was butterfly inducing. You felt flames in your stomach caress up to your chest. Your chest swooped with adrenaline. His hands moved from your waist to your cheeks, cupping them as he kissed you deeper. You had kissed others before, you had hookups, but they never made you wet from a simple kiss.
But this wasn’t a simple kiss. You always thought romance books were incorrect but it was nice to have fantasy. No, this was straight out of fiction.
You wanted to suck his soul out. You wanted to become so intertwined within each other you wouldn’t know where you ended and he began.
“Come inside.” You said, pulling away from him, he continued to kiss your neck as you fumbled the keys.
“This wasn’t my intention by kissing you.” He whispered in between kisses behind your ears.
Ah ha! You finally got the key into the lock. “Yeah well you got me wet so you’re gonna fix it.”
He was clearly caught off guard because he snorted a genuine laugh. “It would be my honor.” You finally opened the door.
The second that door was shut and locked you dropped to your knees. “Y/N.” He hissed. “I was planning on eating you out.”
“Okay and I’m going to suck your soul out.” You fumbled the zipper.
“Y/N-”
“Azriel I have never wanted to suck a man's dick the way I do yours. Please? Let me?” You made sure to throw on your big puppy eyes and you got him.
He threw his head back. “I’m not gonna last.”
“Good.” Your eyes darkened. “Now, unzip your pants for me like a good boy.”
He sighed, “you’re going to wreck me. But also I’m allowing this because I can’t wait to fuck you till you cry.”
Oh fuck. Was your only thought as his pants and underwear hit the ground. Causing his cock to spring up and smack his stomach.
Not only were his words scorchingly hot, but seeing his tattoos up and down his body was a wet dream incarnate.
He was thick and long. His tip was red and weeping. A fat drop of precum on the tip.
And he was pierced. He had a jacobs ladder piercing which made you salivate and wonder how it would feel inside you. There was a snake tattoo wrapped around his waist, with its head by his belly button and then the tail ending part way down his left thigh.
You could not wait to get your tongue on his skin.
You licked a stripe from his balls to tip. He hissed as your warm mouth enveloped his most sensitive skin.
You were glad you had blowjob practice before him, his dick hit the back of your throat and you were able to stop yourself from gagging. You could feel he was holding back so you came off of him with a pop. He groaned in annoyance but then somehow felt harder than before when you hoarsely whispered:
“Fuck my throat, Azriel.”
He swallowed, “tap my thigh if it gets too much.”
You nodded, smiling. Your swollen lips were a siren’s call. You were practically vibrating to get your mouth on him and be used.
He grabbed your hair gently, yet firmly and used your mouth like a fleshlight. It was so delightfully filthy it made you grow even wetter.
You’ve never been more happy for a guy to shoot his load down your throat. You swallowed every drop.
He had a good diet at least because his come didn’t taste like battery acid.
He shucked off the rest of his pants and pulled you from your knees quickly. He pulled you into a kiss. “Fuck, it should not be so hot to taste myself on your lips.” He murmured between your swollen lips.
He took off your tank top, showing your sports bra. “Where’s your room?” He said kissing your throat.
“Down the hallway, the only door on the right.” You whispered huskily.
“Good, because I’m about to do some multitasking.” He said, then lifted you up as if you weighed nothing.
“Shit!” You yelped.
He then dove into your cleavage, however you pulled his head away and ripped your bra off and threw it so he had easy access. He sucked a nipple into his mouth and you moaned. He really did multitask because he began walking to your bedroom.
“Left of the door against the back wall, is my bed.” You said between gasps. He switched tits.
You didn't even realize you had moved so fast until your back hit your bed. He ripped his shirt off and you couldn’t help but gaze at his ink. Whorls and delicate lines inked down his chest as if there were shadows caressing his skin. You had seen his arm tattoos constantly and they never failed to take your breath away, but these.
These were almost as sinful as the snake on his hips.
He began kissing down your stomach.
“This isn’t like me.” You whispered as he kissed your chubby stomach.
“What?”
“I don’t do quick…hookups.” “This isn’t a hookup to me, Y/N.” He nearly growled as he tore your leggings and panties down your legs. You looked down to see him sniff your panties greedily and felt more warmth gush from your cunt.
“You have no idea what I’ve thought about doing to you.” He said darkly. He grabbed your thighs. “I’m about to make you forget about anybody before me.”
“Well, no one’s gone down on me before so…” You trailed off weakly.
He shot his head up from kissing your thighs. “What.”
You shrugged, feeling slightly defensive. “No one’s really wanted to.”
“The day I say I don’t want to eat you out, shoot me. Cause that’s not me.”
“Well, let’s not go that far-oh!” You yelped as you felt his teeth graze the soft skin of your thigh.
“God, these thighs…” He muttered, biting your thigh gently, causing a sting of arousal to shoot straight to your clit. His warm tongue soothed the light bite marks.
You moaned. His mouth sucked your clit into his mouth with so much force your back bow3ed off the bed.
“Fuck.” You cried out.
He spelled his fucking name in your cunt with his tongue. His teeth ever so slightly grazed against the nub. How he knew you liked some pain you had no idea but you were grateful for such an intuitive partner.
It didn’t take long for you to get to the crescendo of this symphony. The slurping sounds, his moans as he tastes you, it was enough.
Your wildest fantasies didn’t live up to this. Your vibrator for once, did not beat the actual act of intimacy.
He licked you gently as you came down from the high. He crawled up to your face and gave you a sweet kiss where you got to taste yourself.
“Fuck, you were right. Tasting yourself on your partner's lips is hot.” You sighed.
He chuckled, “I don’t have condoms, if you even wanted to go that far.” He said sadly. But you knew it was cause he didn’t bring condoms. Not over the fact that you might not want to go that far.
“Top drawer of the left nightstand.” You whispered.
He smiled like he was given his favorite candy. He walked over and grabbed it, tearing it open gently with his teeth and rolling it onto his dick.
“Please tell me if it gets too much, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please fuck me Az.” You begged.
When he entered you, he thought he was going to bust right there. You were warm and inviting. Then you clenched around him and based on the gleam in your tear filled eyes, you took great pleasure in torturing him.
“You know, when you’re used to my size I’m going to make you regret that move.”
“Oh, so you have an ego?” You said and wrapped your legs around his waist. Your heels digging into the meat of his ass.
But you weren’t fairing well either when it came to self control. He felt so fucking good. His piercings pressed up against each muscle inside of you. Rubbing against your walls so deliciously that your toes were curling. Your eyes filled with tears because the pleasure was so incredibly intense but you wanted more. You were ready to dive headfirst and drown in all things Azriel.
He deeply, yet gently, thrust into you, hitting that sweet spongy spot inside of you (that nobody has ever hit before) causing you to gasp and arch into him, forcing him deeper.
Your senses were in overdrive. Skin slapping, moaning, gasping, bed squeaking. Feeling his abs pressed against your soft stomach as your tits we’re pressed against his pecs. His head pressed into your neck as he deeply thrusted in and out of you.
Neither of you lasted much longer.
-After intense aftercare and very sweet words. You two decided you were a couple because you were insane for each other even after only two dates.
-It was incredibly impulsive. But it felt good and felt like he was your forever. That’s when you believed in the saying “when you know, you know.”
-Once you and Azriel began officially dating and calling each other ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’. He put a picture up of you at his station. You were looking at the city lights from a rooftop bar you two had gone to. You were gazing out towards the lights with a sweet smile on your face. Your hair was a mess because you had just gotten off of work and needed drinks and appetizers with your man to decompress.
-You didn’t even know he had taken it. Which made it more meaningful for him because you weren’t posing or ‘making yourself look nice’. You were real, authentic and gazing at something you loved, the city lights.
-Your best friend saw it and her heart felt like it grew bigger because she knew you had someone who cared for you.
-His IPad was filled with drawings of you. Some were able to be shown but a lot were just for his eyes. He couldn’t help it. Your thighs and rolls looked like they were sculpted by Greeks themselves. So delightfully plush.
-He also dabbles in photography. Either with his phone, polaroid or film camera. He makes you put different lingerie on so he can keep the images of you forever.
-and jack off while you two are apart from each other.
-This man is loyal. Not only were you at his station, but there was a polaroid in his phone case of you. That one was a bit more risque and you only allowed it to be taken and put in his phone case because his phone case was black and no one couldn’t see through it. It was just in the back of his phone as a bit of motivation to keep working for his hot girlfriend. He’d pop his phone case off and secretly peek at it.
-it was you in a dark blue lace corset. You had posed with a hand heart against your chest and a beaming smile. It would be seen as innocent if it wasn’t for the clothes you were wearing and the fact that your nipples were seen through it. Your tits were deliciously pressed up tight against the lace cups.
-On his lock screen was a blurry photo Feyre had snapped of you two at a party. He was kissing your temple, you were half in his arms. Your arm that was wrapped around his waist and closest to the camera. Except it was flipping off Feyre (the live photo you can hear your laugh and Feyre’s and then the camera pans down because Feyre was caught). Your eye was winking from the force of Azriel’s kiss on your temple. Your smile was wide and you were clearly laughing.
-He stopped letting clients take their clothes off for placement tattoos. Even if in some cases it could be easier to tattoo a cleavage with the person's top off, he won’t do it. -He feels bad enough that his arms have to rest on their chest.
-The only tits he wants to see are yours.
-You find it hysterical that so many people fall for your man. It was a bit of masochism in your case, enjoying flaunting the fact that this God of a man was taken and happily invested in you.
-It helped that your man was totally fine with you being a weirdo.
-One time he bent over in front of you and you just, “I want to bite your ass.”
“I mean, you can.”
-You’ve tied bows around his biceps and taken a picture. You loved that photo because not only does this big buff tattooed man have a little pink bow wrapped around his biceps but there's also red kiss marks all over his arm.
-That photo alone could get you off.
-You’re a big fan of marking your territory. You keep red lipstick in your bag just to give him a kiss on his neck or anywhere where anybody could see it. Just to mark your territory.
-He eats it up. Like “yes that’s my lady, yes she’s hot. and she’s all mine and i’m all hers.”
-Usually leads to you two fucking in the bathroom.
-He is your good boy but can also choke you the fuck out.
“Come on, take it like a good girl.”
“Use your words, baby. I can’t decipher your babbling.” As he overstimulates you with his tongue and a vibrator.
-He’d happily be used as your personal toy.
-You sneak photos of him tattooing clients, it’s just so hot to see him so focused and into his job.
-He definitely offered to tattoo you but you kept declining, then he designed a beautiful sleeve design that incorporated all of your favorite books for your one year anniversary.
-So you got that sleeve done.
-It was one of the only parts of your body that had ink. You were a baby with pain but it was satisfying too. The only way you sat through for a sleeve is all the kisses Azriel gave you.
-He was never the type to like partner tattoos but he gets it with you. He has a heart with your first initial on his right ring finger as a promise to put a real ring on his left ring finger that also belongs to you.
-At tattoo conventions, tons of artists always want to meet him. You try to encourage them to go talk to him because let’s face it, Azriel is intimidating to just walk up to. His art style is very recognizable and people love him.
-You’re known as the Shop Sweetheart. Not only does your boyfriend work there but so does your best friend. It’s common that you drop coffee or food off if the team is working late.
-He treated you like a queen. Nobody had ever treated you so kindly yet also messed with you like a best friend would.
-Peace and love to your girl best friend. But this man was your partner in crime and in love.
#acotar#acomaf#acowar#acofas#acotar x reader#acofs#azriel x you#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel fluff#azriel x reader#azriel
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Tags: Loser stalker fem reader, cocky mean dom yandere, dubcon 18+, choking, lot of force, grinding
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"What the fuck are you doing?"
You jumped, flinching so hard that made your spine hurt. Cursing under your breath, you hesitantly turned back to look at the familiar face.
Jun was standing there with his arms crossed, glaring at you with scolding eyes. Every day, you hid behind the corner that faced the field. It was mostly empty except for the cute artsy kid that sat there. He would lean against the tree, sketching, and you would be there watching his profile.
"Um..." Your words died down in your throat. Jun could easily tell what you were doing. Stalking a poor boy who had no idea his classmate was obsessed with him. "Hi?"
"Hi?" He repeated unamused, stepping closer to corner you against the wall. "You've been avoiding me. You're not answering any of my texts. I said I wanted to have lunch with you today, but you ditched me to do this?"
You stood there. You would feel guilty, but your brain was too busy searching for excuses or ways to explain this situation. This looked back. Really bad.
A few moments passed with you looking at the floor, feeling the cold wall behind you. Jun clicked his tongue, shifting his gaze from you to the boy in the field.
You exhaled, trying to think of a way to preserve your dignity. "I know it's wrong... It's creepy and weird. But you have to understand-"
"Oh, I understand. I get it. You're trying to find love. Isn't that right?"
"Uh... I guess that's the end goal. But-"
He interrupted you again. "You're tired of being lonely and isolated. Which is why you're pushing the person who wanted to be your friend away."
"No, that's not..." You paused. "Sorry.."
"Instead of being with me, you're choosing that clumsy, pathetic piece of-"
You interrupted him this time. "Ethan. His name is Ethan. And he's perfect. He keeps to himself most of the time, just like me. We have a lot in common..."
He went quiet for a second, uncrossing his arms and putting them in his pocket. "You completely ruined my plans, y'know... I was trying so hard to take all of this slow. I was gonna have lunch with you, eventually ask you out on a date, and go from there. While you were here doing the same thing to another boy."
You blinked. Was he confessing to you? You were suspicious when the golden boy of the school wanted to be your friend, and now this?
"Excuse me?"
"Oh yeah. I was gonna bring you to your favorite café and treat you. But you clearly don't want all that normal healthy stuff, huh?"
"Uhh.." You just looked at him, looking from his gorgeous eyes to his flawless hair. Then, to the strong looking arms that came up to the wall behind you. "You're kidding."
"But I'm afraid that my intentions weren't all that pure. I was going to give you so much that you'll completely become dependent on me. And I could have you as mine forever."
"Were you stalking me? Is that how you found me here?" You slowly said, a bit unsure.
"Such a smart girl." Jun praised, bringing a hand to cup your cheek, caressing his thumb against your skin. "I'm just as sick as you."
You gripped his wrist, stopping him. "I need to think about this first."
"What is there to think about? Forget about that shy mutt. I'm so much better than him. What else could you possibly ask for?"
You shook your head, pushing his shoulders weakly. "No. Just move away..!"
"I get it. You need more convincing."
And just as he said that, his lips crashed into yours. He forced a kiss on you and grabbed the back of your head. He guided you to kiss him back, using your hair to manipulate you like a puppet. You stood there and let it happen, your hands moving down to press against his chest.
He licked your bottom lip, which you kept closed. You were unsure of what to make of this situation.
"Just open your mouth, okay? I want to kiss you deeper." He tilted his face to the right and forced you to tilt yours the other way. "I don't like repeating myself. Don't make me force you. I'm trying to prove a point here. You're mine, whether you like it or not. You wanted something unhealthy, well here it is."
You didn't want to oblige. There was something inside you that wanted to fight him. You gasped as Jun tugged your hair harshly, catching you by surprise. His tongue invaded your mouth. You tried to pull away, but your back was against the wall. There was nowhere to go. You started to like how he forced you to this. You wanted to be kissed since a long time ago. Just hadn't expected it to be from the overly confident and arrogant jerk.
His tongue moved around skillfully. You unintentionally moaned, feeling him smirk against your lips. The weird sensation felt good. You slowly closed your eyes and kissed back, shyly moving your tongue against his. His other hand went down to rest on your waist. He pulled you closer to him. Your bodies slightly rubbed against each other.
You were out of breath. Panting, still wanting to kiss him more. He tasted so so good. Like cherries. Maybe he ate some before this.
"You still there, sweetie? You look dazed. Was it that good?" Jun chuckled. He knew the effect he had on you. "I told you. I'm the greatest choice you'll ever make."
"I can't believe this..." That was all you could mumble. Your heart still throbbed for Ethan, but it wasn't really an option anymore. This was... something else. Something you could get used to. "I can't believe it..."
"I know, you're very lucky. Not everyone has an amazing, skillful boyfriend. Soon, you'll be addicted to me and my kisses."
He stroked the back of your hair, almost apologizing for pulling it before. Before you could protest against the term, he kissed you again, rubbing his tongue against yours lewdly. You obliged, not thinking much of it. It felt too good to pass up on.
"Want me to you some of these skills?" He whispered in your ear, blowing air on it. You squeaked, and he chuckled. "Your reactions are so cute, darling. I want to see more. I want more of you. Your taste, your smell, your everything. You're mine. I can just take whatever I want, right?"
Jun clicked his tongue in impatience. He started to kiss down your neck, his fingers intertwining with yours as he pinned them against the wall. "I wanted to take things slow. Even after all this. But I feel like you need a bit more convincing, hm?"
He licked a spot of your skin before biting down on it. You hissed in pain as he continued to angrily mark you. It seemed like he was jealous of what happened earlier. He sucked the spots he bit for a moment before pushing his thigh between your legs. "I swear if you lie eyes on that guy again, I'll cut his legs off."
You felt dizzy. All this was too much for you. Your head was spinning, and you felt really good. Small hushed moans spilled from your lips when his knee rubbed you up and down. His hands sneaked up your shirt, hands caressing whatever skin he could find. "There we go. I can tell you're enjoying it. I mean.. Naturally."
You could feel his eyes bore on you, but you barely looked at him. Drowning in ecstasy while he kissed you again and again. You felt yourself getting closer to the edge. You gripped his shirt, clenching it in your fist.
He passionately kissed you again as you came, moaning into his mouth. He slowed down before stopping. A grin on his face. He looked so hot like this.
"Good girl! Oh sweetie~ Look how hard you made me."
You look down to see the buldge forming in his jeans. He rubs it against your thigh, trying to provoke more reactions out of you.
"Aww, you're shaking... Could it be you actually want to touch it?" He teased, rubbing it higher to your still sensitive spot.
"W-what? Nngh.. No! I never even agreed to be your girlfriend." He grips one of your wrists, putting it on the front of his pants. You yelp, trying to stop him. "No! Stop. We're in public!"
You paused at the realization. You tried to think of how loud you were, but the image just sent pleasure back to your core.
"We're behind an isolated corner. No one will find us here. My darling certainly knows how to pick the right places."
You look back at the tree, the boy was gone, and the field was completely empty. You breathed a sigh of relief. As you were distracted, Jun began to unbutton his jeans, pulling it down. You turned back to see him pulling his cock out.
"What are you doing? Put it back in." You whisper-yelled. "Don't show it to me-"
He chuckled, letting go of your wrist to cup your hand. He wrapped your hand around his throbbing shaft. You gasped at the feeling. His size was impressive just like everything else about him.
"Shit..." You mumbled, watching him stroke himself with your hand.
"All you protests just died down. What, are you enjoying it?"
"Augh, I won't bother denying it." You began stroking him out of your own will, feeling the precum rolling down to your fingers. "You're gonna make a mess..."
"Why don't you clean it up for me, darling?"
"Fuck no. We shouldn't do something like this so early. It can ruin the relationship."
"So there is a relationship." He mused, his hands trailing up and down your thigh. You groaned again, stopping your movement.
"I changed my mind."
Jun hummed in amusment, he brought his face to your neck, licking at the spots he bit. "You're mine. You can't change that fact. It's taking everything in me to just not take you right here..."
He brought himself to your clothed sex, rubbing himself harshly against you. "I'll eventually have you. You can't escape from me. So unless you want to become my prisoner any time soon, you better help me calm down."
"I said no! You can't make me."
He groaned in frustration. In a quick motion, he pulled down your pants, roughly shoving everything down. You helplessly stood there, your attempts to push him away failing. You weren't trying that hard any way. Maybe because you were excited.
"Oh, I'm not putting it in."
You looked up at Jun, confused. "Huh?" Your question was answered when he began to rub his length along your slit. You bit your lip. "Seriously? Just this?"
"Yes. Seriously." Jun grunted when you squeezed your thighs around his shaft. He moved against you, picking up the speed. Your legs felt like jelly. "This is all you get for denying your boyfriend."
You whimpered, feeling your clit being stimulated. It was enough to make you come a second time when you felt him squeeze your throat. "Yeah, there you go. You're so much easier to please than I thought you'd be." He laughed, grinding a couple more times before releasing his load. You both panted, and he rubbed the spots on your neck gently.
"Mmh, let's clean up first, darling. And then we'll have some lunch." He patted your head, mumbling praises as he kissed your lips. "You're mine now. There's no room for arguments. Better behave if you don't wanna be tied up and locked away."
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Not as good as I was hoping. I was hesitant to go full sadistic so... I think I'll stick to sub yanderes. Oh, I have an idea for Ethan's POV...
#obsessive love#desperate yandere#yandere oc#yanblr#yancore#yandere#yan blog#dom yandere#yandere x y/n#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere x yandere#yandere x reader#male yandere#yandere boy#yandere bf
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finders keepers ⇢ teaser 2
⇢ teaser word count: 948 | full fic: 37.8k total (22.7k & 15.1k) ⇢ genre: sci-fi/science fantasy au, soulmate au, alien!jungwoo, human!reader, slow burn, fluff and angst ⇢ warnings: blood/injury mentions (but like, alien blood, if that makes a difference?), a couple needle/injection mentions, if u get secondhand embarrassment this one might hurt in places, a couple crude jokes about alien stuff iykwim (reader’s friends r kind of the worst), this fic is just a rlly sweet soulmate au i swear idk why these tags look horrendous 😭 ⇢ extra info: this will be released in two parts bc of tumblr’s 1000-block limit that was put in place to hurt me personally :)) BUT both parts will be released on the same day ⇢ estimated release: saturday, november 30, 2024, 3:00 p.m. eastern time (sign up for my taglist here)
The screen of your phone lit up from where it sat on the dashboard of Jungwoo’s spaceship, and you immediately grabbed it. It was Donghyuck, and at this point, you would’ve taken your bestie ‘SPAM LIKELY’ to get you out of here.
“Hey, it’s Hyuck, you got it here?” You asked Jungwoo, already on your feet.
“Yes, I’ll be okay,” Jungwoo confirmed, eyes momentarily leaving the screen to meet yours.
You clambered out of the hatch with haste, taking off into the trees. Hastily sending Donghyuck a text that you’d call him back in a minute, you practically bolted back up the cliffside to get to the road before doing just that.
Hyuck picked up before it could even ring once, not wasting any time, “Hey, how’s our pet alien?”
“He has a name,” you retorted, still out of breath.
“He doesn’t seem to mind when I call him that.”
“He probably doesn’t understand how derogatory it could be. His language might not have a direct equivalent for the concept.”
“Yeah, whatever, how is he?”
“Fine. All of his wounds have healed.”
Your friend’s tone immediately shifted. “You sound weird. What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” You insisted.
“Y/N.”
“Promise not to tell anyone?”
“Sure.”
And so after explaining your situation to Donghyuck to the best of your ability, you waited with bated breath for his response.
“Oh my God, he’s going to lay his eggs in you,” he gasped.
“Hyuck! Gross!” You hissed, half-ready to hang up right then.
“I’ve seen enough alien movies to know where this is going.”
“Or watched too much weird porn.”
“You didn’t laugh at my joke, clearly you’re in crisis, sorry.” His apology sounded sincere.
You sighed, staring down into the trees below you that you knew contained a spaceship and spaceman that weren’t from here, that didn’t belong here. “I mean, he’s still fixing his ship to leave…”
“What if he plans on abducting you and taking you with him?”
“Stop it!” You scolded him again. “Jungwoo wouldn’t do that.”
“You seriously think he’ll just leave his mate behind?”
“You are way too comfortable saying that word.”
“This is not about my nighttime proclivities.”
“If I told him to, yeah, I think he would. He’s been super respectful, all things considered.”
“Okay… whatever…”
You were worried. Jungwoo had continued fixing his ship, but with each passing day, you swore he was looking worse again. He said his wounds had completely healed inside and out, but the pallor of his skin didn’t look right, he was moving slower again, and he didn’t eat as much at meals. You took a risk and took him there during the day today, not wanting to risk drawing out his stay on Earth any longer than necessary.
Just getting him down to the ship today was perilous, as he tripped going down the last of the hillside. A rock had cut his arm, thankfully not very deep, but the sight of the deep blue blood did nothing to calm your anxious mind. He let you take a second to use a first aid kit in the ship on him, but then was right back to business as usual, fixing his ship.
“How’s it coming along?” You asked, hovering over him worriedly as he sat on the floor, working on a panel under the control console.
“It’s almost done,” he informed you quietly.
“Jungwoo, you don’t look okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Is it the hydrogen? Or something else that you can’t get on Earth?” You went to press the back of your hand to his forehead. It was sticky with sweat, but simultaneously cold and clammy. “Shit, dude, you feel awful.”
“I’m—I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I just need to get back to-to Galaria.”
“Okay, yeah,” you nodded. “Let’s get you back. You said it’s almost done. What else do you need?”
“One of your friends is a mechanic?”
“Yeah, Yuta. He fixes cars.” You were slightly alarmed that he apparently couldn’t remember which one.
Jungwoo held out a long, thin black tube to you. “Could you ask him if he has something like this? Twice as long?”
“Of course! I'll go right now!” You took the tube from him. “You stay right here. Rest, okay?”
He nodded, leaning against the panel and shutting his eyes.
You ran into Yuta’s auto shop, skidding to a stop and nearly crashing into a bench and toolbox, drawing the attention of everyone in the shop. Every head whipped over to look at you, and Yuta pushed himself out from under a truck on the far side of the shop.
“Yuta!” You dashed over to him, ignoring the attempts at conversation from his coworkers as you ran by them.
“Off-limits, assholes!” Yuta yelled back at them before focusing on you again, grabbing a rag to wipe his hands off. “Y/N, what are you doing here?”
“It’s Jungwoo, he needs something like this, but double the length.” You held the tube out to him. “Do you have anything like it? I’ll pay for it.”
Yuta inspected it with a furrowed brow, and you dropped your voice even lower as the sounds of the auto shop rose again.
“Please, he’s-he’s really not doing well. I don’t know how much longer he can be here, Yuta. Something about Earth, it’s not good for him. I’m really worried.”
“Yeah, I would be if I were you.” Yuta handed the tube back to you, then crossed his arms over his chest. “I gave him a part just like that two days ago. He said it was the last piece he needed.”
“What?!” Your heart fell to the pit of your stomach.
“I gave him a new brake hose two days ago. Unless he blew it up again, this isn’t it.”
“I’ve got to go.” You took off towards the door of the garage. “Bye, Yuta! Thanks!”
“See you around!”
TEASER TAGLIST
@bee-the-loser @ppddpjdr @tearinka @yoursyuno @yutasputa69 @winkeuu
#jungwoo x reader#nct x reader#jungwoo#jungwoo imagine#nct imagine#nct#kim jungwoo#jungwoo imagines#nct imagines#f: finders keepers#writing#text#mine#wooloved#bias tag
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Nope, you can't trespass online. When you post something, anyone can respond. And I only engaged with you because I was initially curious why you'd want Katara to punch "Azula/Mai" which does give the impression that you see them as two sides of the same coin. I wondered if you were referring to Mai before getting together with Zuko or after, so I asked. Would you say curiosity killed the cat?
This is really going out on a limb. Mai never actually helped Azula capture Zuko, she's a part of Azula's team as the princess would habe demanded regardless (as we saw with Ty Lee), but it's speculation to say if she had run into Zuko what would have happened. I also want to point out this is pre their relationship, at best when she had a crush on him, and before she does develop as a person (even though you don't like that development). And, even with that, we can guess different things on what would have happened if Mai and Zuko ran into each other in Book 2, who knows? And if you're by chance referring to Ba Sing Se, Zuko returned to the Fire Nation of his own volition at Ba Sing Se. Mai can't be blamed for that either, if that is what you're indirectly referring to also.
You accused me of "miscontruing" you, so pot, kettle. As for the other thing, you say that if she were male, what she says "would absolutely be considered abuse". You say she tries "bullying" Zuko back into a relationship. You keep talking about how she allegedly says "nasty" things and deserved to be punched in throat by Katara and put her on the same level of Azula in the original post:
You are calling Mai an abuser (and also downplaying her good points as a tactic to feather that nest).
And I was willing to agree to disagree, but I changed my mind after another one of your responses. I might change my mind again. Although calling me "nasty" seems rather unnecessary. I just said that "nasty" seems to summarise what Mai is to you, meanwhile you seem to throw it directly at me like a slingshot like a stan would.
You did though. Seems like a Motte and Bailey argument on your end. And I could say the same of you. It honestly feels like you're making stuff up, from what Mai says being "considered abuse" to how Mai "helped capture Zuko" to how Katara "would hate Mai" to saying Suki and Sokka "have never been in a relationship and only met once" when that's not true by the point Suki is captured.
This is rather semantic. I can't say the Dai Li "peeing" line is exactly hitting. Seems in line with Ty Lee also praising Azula in that scene for her speech. As for ordering servants around, that is to cheer Zuko up, who was enjoying it initially, and she visibly deflates when it later doesn't work because he's concerned about the war meeting. And as for your other point, Zuko is in an abusive environment with Azula and Ozai, yes. Mai is too, considering she even says that she does "fear" Azula. This is why she initially, early on, acquieces to Azula quite easily when Azula says that unconvincing "braid" lie, only able to send her a dirty look behind her back. Over time this escalates to yelling "You want me to express myself? Leave me alone!" after Azula mocks her childhood trauma in the Beach. There are a number of indications that Mai herself felt trapped. Her parents shut down her opinions in her formative years for her father's political career, she was dragged to Omashu clearly without wanting to be there, she at best can only disobey Azula behind her back. Azula even says in Azula Alone (if we have to keep talking about the comics) how much her 'friends' should be grateful a princess gave them the time of day, so there is an unequal power dynamic where Azula is controlling, mocking and abusive. Mai and Zuko's situations aren't that different in ways, and they both resent their situations, which is another part of why Mai really doesn't have much hang ups choosing Zuko. They actually have something in common.
You can compare Azula and Mai, talk about "dark humor", but it feels rather pointless when they are so different, not just not on the "same level", fundamentally different.
Fallacious argument with a seeming tinge of condescension. We never see a scene where Mai attempts to kill Zuko, because it doesn't exist. If you reread my post, you would also notice I refer to Mai's role as a villain earlier and so I don't need to "admit" something as if I'm keeping something under wraps. As for your conclusions on how we should treat characters that were villains and never villains, that's your opinion of course but not a hard and fast rule in any way.
The writing is ridiculous. We can't just give Zuko a free card for bad comic writing, yet rip Mai to shreds for bad comic writing. It would be a double-standard, almost opportunist. I think the intentions of the writers of the original show and the writers of the comics don't synchronise, which makes all characters' actions in the comics dubious. "He wasn't a real threat" is ridiculous, but it's the sort of ridiculous I would expect of Gene Yang's reasoning considering. She beats them up and leaves in Rebound. She is on Zuko's side in the argument with her father, telling Ukano he should have been "grateful" to Zuko, being derisive to Ozai loyalists and then beats them all up. I very much doubt they wrote that finale scene with the idea Mai's a Tanke or Hitler Youth and that's what she's thinking, same with the scenes in the show finale. Mai also later supports Zuko against Azula and Ozai loyalists. Ukano complains about how he essentially hadn't managed to indoctrinate her to the "duties of Fire Nation Citizenship early enough" because she is not acting imperialist or fascist. Post-War Mai is definitely not a fascist, or even imperialist at this point, she is not baying to extend her country's border through colonisation or military force. She didn't even seem to really bay before really. She is against the New Ozai Society that wants to do so and thinks they should shut up. She has also spoken out against Sozin and Ozai in the Ashes of the Academy comic, saying "The less we uphold from Ozai and Sozin's reign, the better the Fire Nation will be".
Do I think the writing could be better at points? Sure, the show had flaws, the comics have giant holes. But I really can't find your specific opinion of Mai that impelling. But you can continue to believe what you feel. I feel I'm done with this conversation, so I actually won't respond beyond this point.
"I think Katara would get along with Azula/Mai because female solidarity!"
Cool. I think Katara would punch fascists in the throat.
#avatar mai#atla maiko#fire lord zuko#there is no trespassing#we are online#avatar last airbender#atla mai
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It took me a while to stop crying and resolve to help people who will be targeted (starting 1/20/25). I am also trying to reconnect to even a scrap of joy, by tiptoeing back into writing. But...I keep analyzing my WIPs through the lens of how That Guy will be making half the country feel, wondering, "Is X funny enough? Is Y topic too serious?" Help?! Is it worth writing/querying anything that's not totally escapist? Are there genres that should just stay in a drawer right now?
No need to wait until January to help people! :-)
As to the writing piece: I think you are overthinking it. And hey, I get that! Half the country is still somewhat in "reeling mode", it hasn't even been a month, no need to make any huge decisions or change the course of your writing life or fret about queries that you aren't ready to send anyway right this second. Give yourself some grace. Do some deep breathing.
Nobody knows what the future will bring.
Hey, maybe people will want to read more than they ever have and publishing will thrive across all genres. Maybe there will be an unforeseen trend of books about cowboys in space or something that will make a genre flourish that we haven't ever even thought of before!
Or, maybe the tarriffs will eff publishing up so badly we won't need to worry about ANY genres anymore. Maybe he'll sell us all to Daddy Vladdy for a nickel or start Civil War II and we'll all have to become resistance fighters. (Or, maybe we'll get lucky and the meteor will come; that might be better, because I don't have much to offer in the way of actual resistance fighting unless the troops need children's books or cookies!)
But since none of those lines of thinking are particularly helpful or healthy, maybe let's not focus on speculating about all the random possible scenarios. It's too much! Your brain will break!
Here's what is within your purview: YOUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD. That includes your work, yes, but also your home, your family, your personal behavior and habits, your physical and mental health, and the well-being of your communities (both literal, like, the people who live near you, and figurative, the people near you or even across the country or the globe with whom you have shared values, etc)
I'm not an expert obvs, but I do feel like, when I stop "reeling" and thinking about whatever bizzaro outrage some politician is perpetrating and start thinking about what tangible things I can do to help support MY LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD, I feel a lot better. More useful.
(Like, how about instead of doomscrolling, I actually take that time and put my impotent rage to use pulling out the dying tomato plants and getting the yard ready for winter? How about instead of crying into my pillow, I gather a bunch of stuff to donate to a local charity? OH LOOK, I FORGOT ABOUT THE NEWS FOR A WHILE AND GOT THINGS DONE AND MADE MY CORNER OF THE WORLD BETTER! And now I'm tired and can take a nice shower and watch something silly on TV and go to sleep! Yay!)
What I'm saying is, AFTER you do the deep breathing and give yourself grace and all that stuff -- maybe DON'T think about your WIPS through the lens of "OMG what horror show is that freak in the white house doing" or "what will random terrible people think about what I'm doing" -- but rather, think, how do *I* feel about what I'm doing?
We have limited time on this earth -- do you WANT to spend your time on this? Will working on this bring you joy? Does the idea of writing it excite you? Will it reading it bring other people in your communities joy, or hope, or escapism, or important information, or inspiration, or *something else positive*? Those are the kinds of projects you should focus on, imo.
Obviously I have no clue what "Trends" will be coming up in the future, or what the publishing landscape or the world will look like at all -- but I DO SUSPECT that what we will need the most is books that bring something positive to the table. Whether that means a book full of pure delight/escapist entertainment, or reminders about what is beautiful in the world and special about humanity, or tools to help people enact change, or fuel for the next generation of rebels and resistance fighters, or whatever it is.
And, I think that "something positive" could come in the form of fiction, nonfiction, and pretty much ANY genre or category.
(Probably not a great time for extremely bleak / hopeless books, and certainly not a great time for books that you yourself are not passionate about. Writing and publishing is hard enough - don't do the projects that are a misery on top of all that!)
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Here we go with another match, this time for 🐻 Anon!
Another note, yes I’ve been gone for like two months.. Halloween season is a busy season for me every year since my dumbass decided to become a scare actor. Even better, I got sick right after! Yay! Now I’m back, I’m going to go on a marathon and get all the matches in my inbox out of the way.
TW - Toxic Replationships, Forced Affection, Torture, Guns, and Knives.
Your Boyfriend to Death matchup is… REN HANA !!
• This may have been an obvious one, but I think Ren is the best for you!
• Ren’s type is generally alt people. Anyone into nerd culture regarding media series definitely catch his attention first. Seeing an artsy, pinky person like you immediately makes him have heart eyes for you. I guess you could say he just wants an anime looking bf/gf/partner. Since you fit in that category, you got him pretty easily!
• Hazzah! You’re taller than him! Don’t think he’ll let you get away with bullying him about it. He’s a little bit self conscious, and will most likely punish you with the shock collar for it.
• As I mentioned before, Ren is a sucker for cute things. Seeing anything cute, especially something from you, can pull on his heartstrings. If you wear any anime related stuff, or even those Japanese lolita dresses, he’s going head of heels.
• He loves putting you and/or helping you pick in certain outfit. As you’d expect he loves seeing you in anime character cosplays, or just anything cute. Seeing you in lingerie is a special treat.
• Now uh.. about the bear thing. He might get mad jealous because as a beastkin fox, he’s nothing close to a bear. He might get a little lowkey offended, but it’s probably him just being bratty. He’ll get over it.. maybe.
• Unfortunately for you, Ren likes bringing up and doing the things you hate and fear, just to provoke you when you’re not feeling your best. Those little reminders showing you he’s in control are his favorite.
• While he’s mostly cheery, Ren seems to have the ability to go from 0 to 100 REALLY quickly. Some people might consider him the nicest out of all the candidates in BTD, but I like to think he’s equally as dangerous as the rest of them.
• Ren is calm when listening to you, which is good, although most of the time when you seek advice he recommends killing. Please don’t listen to him, or else he might invite his friend Lawrence over for a little fun.
• He thinks you’re super creative! All of your art makes him mesmerized. His form of art comes in the form of snuff films mostly, but I think he has a decent hand at art too.
• Ren most likely listens to anime intros, or alt electronic pop music. Think MSI or And One. I can see him vibing with your music though!
• He gives you all the sweets in the world to fulfill your sweet tooth, unless you’re bad for him. In that case he forbids you from sweets.
• He tends to talk about how much he loves you a lot. Uniquely for him, I feel like he’s the most loving out of all the guys. You tend to be high maintenance, and need reassurance, he’s your guy to remind you all the time of his love.
• He forces you to be close to him a lot. He’s always touching you, not always in hugs and kisses. Even having his claws a little ways into your flesh gives him the power boost he needs.
• Oh.. you like being abused? You already know loves fulfilling all of your naughty desires, exactly how you want them. Beg and cry all you want, once you make any sign at him for him to start, there’s no off switch until he’s says done.
• Ren is a little clinging and teasing. Like a fox, he’s sneaky and isn’t always truthful. He’s a king of manipulation, but.. this is what you wanted. I’m sure you’ve told him yourself, and now? He’s NEVER letting you go.
#self ship#horror#self ship community#matchups#boyfriend to death#matchup#boyfriend to death matchup#boyfriend to death x reader#ren hana x reader#ren hana
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BENRIUS HEAD CANNONS
HEAD CANNON TIIIMMMMEEEEEEE
CHAOS THEORY VERSION
Ngl i think put some CC stuff in here when this is only supposed to be CT.
Ben is really curious about darius's hair and always him different questions about how he takes care of it ,styles and washes it because he wants to do one date where he surprises him by doing his hair for him instead of Darius going to someone or doing his own hair
Ben can cook better than Darius
Darius bakes lots of stuff in his free time. Ben absolutely loves his baking
Darius wakes up in the middle of night because of nightmares and Ben will just be there for him hugging him the whole time. They'll go down stairs and watch movies till Darius sleepy. Once he is Ben carries him princesses style back to bed.
Ben would probably be the one to put Darius to sleep. Because of how stubborn Darius is and if he say he's not tired he will not go to bed but Ben will physically drag him into bed hug him and just hum songs until he falls asleep
They do arts and crafts as quality time
Ben's love language is physical touch
Darius is love language is giving gifts and talking also physical touch
Ben actually likes mint chocolate chip ice cream and Darius tried it once and he decided that he will never go near that flavor ever again
Darius's contact name in Ben's phone is not Dino nerd or Dino lover but angel from the baby dinosaurs in camp Cretaceous season 5 because Darius is personality reminded him a bit of angel so that's why his contact name is Angel
And Ben's contact number and darius's phone is rebel as an angel's brother because their personalities are so much because rebel was just very chaotic and energetic and so was Ben on the island and Darius is a sort of wanted to match too
When Ben got a new van he styled it the same way he did his old van but not as the exact same but there were similar qualities and there was stuff again in there like food in a boot and his pee bowl of licorice so Darius decided to put on gloves, a mask and get so much cleaning supplies that he cleaned out Ben's van throwed out anything disgusting and decided to give him silverware and dishes and tupperware for his van.( The van is dark blue btw)
Ben had a shark phase and would Yap about sharks like how Darius did dinosaurs and it made Darius fall in love with him even more.
Darius steals Ben shoes,clothes, and beanies
Ben has a ton of pictures of Darius in his phone / and the secret photo album
They would make out for hours ( their love for each other is like a flame that can't be put out.)
Darius visits his college and stays in his dorm for at least a week so Ben doesn't have to keep going to California
The longest they video called was for 5 days
Ben sometimes snores so Darius kicks him causing him to fall out of bed
Darius has a dog Ben has bumpy and a cat
They decided to move to a different house or apartment. Because even though the cabin is nice it was driving Ben insane being isolated for so long (and Darius even though he won't admit it) but they made the cabin their vacation home. To get away from people and a place for bumpy and her baby to live
Their home state/ city both starts with C ( California, Chicago)
Skin care routine
They decide to make out whenever their in danger for some reason
Bens van was their Hangout spot
Ben forgot what Darius was allergic to once and almost killed him.
Got engaged a few years after they saved Brooklyn
Fall wedding
Rock music x Pop music duo
One of them wears cherry flavored chapstick ( can you guess who)
After they got married Darius changed Ben's contract to 💗my idiot husband 💗
Ben changed Darius contract to Hot stuff😍 ( guys we all know he would do this he's silly)
Darius only wears his boxers and Ben's oversized T-shirts to bed ( why because Ben's a natural furnace/ heater)
Bens the opposite he doesn't wear a shirt to sleep because he knows he's an natural furnace/ heater.
When bumpy moved into Darius's backyard Darius and her got a closer bond and it made Ben jealous.
Darius - little spoon sometimes, big spoon always
Ben- always little spoon sometimes big spoon
Part 2?
#Majority of this was written while I was half awake#jwcc#jwcc darius#jwcc ben#chaos theory#darius bowman#jurassic world camp cretaceous#ben x darius#ben pincus#darius x ben#Benrius#Dinomite#jurassic world chaos theory#jwct
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tvw mentioned!!!!! would be really exciting to see those guys again, dog with a gun will forever have my heart🩷 no pressure tho, ive been following u since the tail end of acid soup, and idk what u put in ur characters but its like catnip to me, all ur original stories are so compelling. i hope u always feel free to pick up and put down whatever u want whenever u want forever!!!!!!
thank you so much, hearing that means a ton to me <3 you know what, i DO feel free in that way, which is something that hasn't always been easy for me. but it's made a lot easier by the fact that u guys tend to be, like, really cool and understanding and supportive about it, which i really really appreciate!!
#i want to get back to putting as much time in my personal stuff as i used to#it's hard due to like. mental stuff and having to put a LOT of fight in - esp the past year or so - just to get my work done#and then there's like. just not enough left over for my own stories#which is something that in past years i have been really distressed by and been really hard on myself abt#but slowly over time i think i am getting better and better at being gentler to myself abt it#and the thing is. before i used to cling rly hard to the idea of. 'yes bc if u REST REALLY GOOD u will ACTUALLY be REFRESHED and be able to#-DRAW MORE!!!!! the reward for self care is u actually trick urself into DRAWING MORE!!!! won't that be great!'#and i think what i have learned. is sometimes actually. the end result of taking better care of urself is no u actually produce less.#which is very scary at first when the idea of the secret Well-Rested EXP Bonus has been a significant carrot to u#but i am. coaxing myself into being cool w the reality of it. and i still believe at some point more will blossom from it#just in a different and less urgent and less transactional way than i was banking on before. u know
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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alright. know what? with Secrets of the Obscure right around the corner and plenty of new Mists-related sky island settings coming with it, I'll just bite the bullet and interest-check a little something I've been turning in my head for a long, long while.
would YOU be interested in a Mists-based GW2 roleplay guild that uses a lore compliant multiverse system to allow canon, canon-adjacent, lore-breaking, and otherwise 'contradictory' muses to coexist in the same setting?
simply put: every writer's cast would be set in their own self-contained universe. as such, everyone could bring whatever muses they want with their own personal headcanons, and no one could dictate what is or isn't canon for anyone else. so long as your muses are GW2-based, you're good to go! bring your Commanders, bring your canon-divergent OCs, bring your canon muses-- and yes, even the ones that are 'supposed' to be dead. who can say what might have happened in a strange world far across the Mists, after all?
neutral hubs and in-character safety guardrails would be in place to keep all muses on a relatively even playing field regardless of their power, history, and prestige, too. play hardball if you like, but it might not end quite the way you'd hope. the main rule would be to maintain good OOC etiquette at all times: no godmodding, no metagaming, no theft, don't blend IC and OOC, and so-on.
if that sounds like something you might have interest in, please interact with this post! and if you've got questions or concerns, I'd love to hear them; feel free to send an ask or a DM, or just reply to this post!
#GW2 roleplay#GW2 rp#GW2#my posts#so there's a LOT of reasons why I'm putting this forward#but the biggest is that I really want there to be a place that's actually inclusive for all the creativity that exists in this fandom#there was exactly one Mists multiverse event a while back and it was well-received from everything I saw!#i know i for one had a lot of fun AND felt a lot more welcome and comfortable than i have at any other event#and then... we proceeded to just never have another again.#like. we could have more of that. that niche could still use filling! we can do SO much more with this!!!#and especially with SotO coming out we could have some REALLY interesting locations to meet up too!#I'd be happy to kickstart this stuff but the thing is: it WILL need support. I just can't do it all alone and that's a fact#example: if we want a guild hall in-game we'd have to work together to get one; that'd be great for hosting public and private events#my personal goal is 5-10 participants so that we can have enough to run small events and mingle muses a bit#IF there's enough interest i'll roll out more information at that time. for now tho i'll just leave it at this to test the waters#reblogs are HIGHLY appreciate here: i'm a smallfry in a big sea and not many people check the tags. spread the word if you want to see this#on that note: thanks for reading and hopefully i'll hear from some of you soon. o/#(side detail: that sky pic is a screen i snapped at night in Istan. it's so pretty there ok)
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I am stressed, and I am on edge, and I feel like I'm actually, legitimately reaching my limit. It's kinda funny how my mom was the one to push me there
#she seems to think i have all the time in the world#but i don't think she realizes just how much of that time is spent mentally recovering from#or preparing for#something#i also don't think she realizes she is a huge part of the problem#on top of the general school and work stuff#she's been badgering me to do things for a while now#it's cleaning my room#or applying to jobs#or going to church#or reading the bible#it's always something#there's always something im not doing well enough#then she'll go behind my back and make plans involving me without telling me and then blame ME for not being considerate of those plans#she had the fucking gall to say “there's something going on that you aren't telling me”#like no shit it's almost as if any time i talk to you about something you either blow me off or turn it against me#apparently im getting pretty good at hiding when im having a shit time when im not actively trying to make sure the person knows#to the point when i had an actual panic attack before a surgery once it supposedly came out of nowhere for her#like im starting to realize just how disconnected from my life she actually is at this point and i don't think i care to fix it#i shouldn't fucking have to#i shouldn't have to deal with that on top of school. work. my social life. my finances. hygiene. self-care. etc#not when i don't think she's willing to put through any effort towards improvement#not when she's “the grown adult”#not when her reaction to me making a mistake or losing motivation for something is often along the lines of...#“do you want to end up like your father?”#im so unbelievably fucking done#im about ready to give someone more than just a piece of mind. they're about to get the whole fucking mess of a thing.#the best part? this week's all downhill from here#gobby rants
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sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki
#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk#like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions#while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized#but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama#and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction#i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me#anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa#and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan#ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places#and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls#i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show#they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation#theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets#back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame#plus over done#it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan#but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions#also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island#from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference#and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading#and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references#cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on#i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand#i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix#god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china”#my brother in christ red is also important in japan#red is important in like many many asian cultures#i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches#like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan#but a lot of those comes from china in some way
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I went to TIT tonight! Unfortunately I am so not in the place to be able to handle something like that, but they are cool and I am glad I at least tried something new by going.
(rambles in the tags, no tit spoilers though)
#basically the evening went quite terribly#but the show was entertaining#to begin i was exhausted today because i normally need the weekends to recalibrate but i had to do a group project yesterday so i didn't ge#my social isolation time and sleep hours that are required#and the past few weeks i have been hardly functioning except for things i have to by stress and peer pressure#i have been trying to make life a bit easier by dropping some classes but it's still all pretty much falling apart#so then today i was like i should go to this because i spent so much money and also this was the thing i had planned to look forward to for#months when people were all on my back about not having far away things to look forward to#so i went but utterly exhausted without doing the things i needed to do like mapping the route out and planning my approach#so i missed the bus and then took an uber instead#and then i left my phone (with my id and all) in the uber because my brain is not working#lovely security guards helped me get it back but it took nearly an hour bc i couldn't remember any of my passwords or the car plate or colo#so then i got into the show 20 minutes late#and then almost immediately the screaming (cheering and crowd interaction) got me freaking out#because it was SO LOUD and then even after intermission when i put in really strong foam earplugs the screaming still hurt#everything from the show was loud enough to hear clearly through the earplugs but the audience noise was hardly even reduced#(and these are like serious earplugs that have gotten me through loud events before)#and i wanted to show my appreciation and stuff like everyone else when they were clapping and wooping but i was like frozen#anyway then i had trouble getting back too#and now i am feeling like it was stupid to even try to go to an event and maybe i should never do this again#but the show was nice though and it was cool to see dan and phil in person bc it is kind of crazy they are real
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