#i want to change my personal tag bc i don’t like telling myself to shut up :/ but i have also had it forever so alas | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

amyisherenowitsokay · 2 years ago

Note

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

#ravenfollower13 #zagr #zim #invader zim #iz #fanfiction #amyisherenowansweringyou #gaz #from your memory

5 notes · View notes

jackrrabbit · 4 years ago

Text

Spoiled Rotten /// Overhaul x f!Reader (18+)

Request: What if Overhaul fucks spoiled rich reader because her dad owes the yakuza money and in exchange Kai takes the daughter as a form of payment using her as his personal stress doll whenever and wherever he wants making her into his perfect little doll

A/N: While I was writing this my roommate asked if I was okay bc cause I kept stopping to fan myself and blush lmaooooo god I’m such a brat. I did change the concept up a bit, hope that’s fine!

This is dedicated not only to the OG requester but also to everyone who read the excerpt I posted a while back and told me they couldn’t wait to see the finished product!! Love you guys ❤️

Tags/warnings: threats, dubcon/coercion, dom/sub, brat taming, degradation, exhibitionism, restraints, mentions of forced prostitution, verbal & physical harassment, kidnapping, kinda breath play?, long

The first thing you notice when you come to are voices. Multiple people talking to each other, speech overlapping in patterns you can’t make out. They’re quiet—not whispering for your sake, but quiet because you’re still half knocked-out and you can barely hear.

The second thing you notice is the pounding in your head and the lingering smell of something sweet spread over your nose and mouth.

The third thing you notice is the fact that when you try to blink your eyes open, your lashes brush against something soft and dark. You’re blindfolded…and gagged, and your hands feel like they’re cuffed behind your back. From what you can sense around you, it seems like you’re hunched in a kneeling position with your cheek flattened against the floor and your bare feet tucked under your backside.

At least you’re still in your nightgown. You can feel the frilly silk of it, a useless barrier between your skin and the cool air, and it reminds you of how you got here in the first place.

A loud noise in the night. Your father’s voice pleading. A heavy thump. The door to your bedroom banging open and a strange man holding you down to your bed…lifting a sweet-smelling rag to your mouth…telling you to “take a deeeeep breath, princess.”

“Hey, I think she’s waking up.”

An invisible hand fists itself in your hair and you whine in pain as your upper body is lifted off the floor. Once you’re properly upright, you hear squeaking, shoes against concrete, and the heat and breath and presence of someone behind you. Something rustles at the back of your head—you’re too scared to move so you stay still—and then the blindfold is being lifted off your face.

Once it’s gone, you have to blink for a moment even despite the low light of the dingy room where you’ve…apparently…been kidnapped. By the freaking yakuza. And for some reason, they’re all wearing bird-beak masks.

You close your eyes, almost wishing they hadn’t taken the blindfold off. You’d prefer to live in blissful ignorance of how decidedly unclean the floor is. How dare they let your face touch it? What happened to honor among thieves?

“Do you know why you’re here?”

Against your will, your eyes flick up to the speaker. He’s the only one sitting, and somehow that gives him a position of power among the others. The leader?

Unsettling golden eyes rest on yours, and you realize he’s waiting for your answer, so you slowly move your head from side to side.

“Didn’t know about daddy’s bad habits, huh?” This time the person speaking is behind you, the one who untied your blindfold, a thin man with lank, greasy blond hair. He’s the one who drugged me, you remember in a surge of panic, and you try to stand up away from him only for him to step on the chain that connects your handcuffs, jerking you back and pinning you—painfully—to the floor.

“Careful, Setsuno. I told you not to leave marks. Let her talk.”

“Got it, boss.” The blond—Setsuno—fumbles at the back of your head and then he’s pulling the gag out of your mouth.

You open and close your mouth a few times to stretch out the stiff muscles. “Oh. My. God. Was that polyester you just took out of my mouth? Do you have any idea how bad synthetics are for sensitive skin? I’m totally going to break out.”

A hush falls over the little room. You could hear a pin drop.

“…Are you complaining about the quality of the fabric we gagged you with?” the leader asks after a second.

“You may be yakuza, but you don’t have to act like savages,” you reply primly, aligning your knees together and sending a proud look off to the side.

“Ohh…little princess deserves better, does she?” Setsuno coos. He edges closer to rub his cheek against yours and laughs when you cringe away from him. “Boss, you shoulda seen her bedroom. All pink and frilly, looked like royalty lived there. Bet they treat you like a real princess at home, huh? No wonder your daddy’s in debt.”

“Daddy isn’t—“

“Your father…took out loans from my gang. My men came last night to collect,” the leader says, drumming his fingers over the armrest of his chair impatiently.

He’s wearing plastic gloves. Why is he wearing plastic gloves? Immediately your mind is spinning, imagining all the different gruesome possibilities of what they’re going to do to you. “That’s ridiculous. My daddy doesn’t need to borrow money—“

“Clearly he does, because it looks like he pissed it all away on his daughter.” The leader’s eyes are cold enough to make you shiver—although maybe that’s just the icy temperature of the floor soaking through your nightgown.

“He had a couple payments overdue, so we stopped by to ask nicely for him to pay up,” Setsuno says, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Didn’t find too many valuables in your house, but then we got our hands on a real treasure.”

“Don’t touch me—“

“You don’t seem to understand the position you’re in,” the leader says. “When I made my contract with your father, he understood that obligations like these are inherited. Since he can’t pay his debt, you’re going to be working it off in his place.”

Working it off? You swallow. Somehow you don’t think he’s talking about your little part-time job as a receptionist at your daddy’s company. “You can’t make me do that.”

“I’m not sure you’re getting the gist, princess,” Setsuno hums. “What we’re gonna do is we’re gonna put you in a room, and then men are gonna give us money, and then we’ll let those men fuck you. All that money’s gonna go toward paying what your daddy borrowed. Sound good?”

For the first time since you can remember, you’re shocked speechless. They’re going to…what? But you’re a quick thinker, and instead of letting these filthy, awful gangters boss you around, you raise your chin haughtily to look directly into the leader’s eyes. “I don’t think so. If Daddy’s the one who got himself in debt, you can make him whore himself out to pay it back. You can’t hold me responsible for something he’s done.”

Another brief silence, and then you hear a whistle echo out from the corner of the room (and you try not to look toward it, reminding yourself that this can only get worse if they know how scared you are). “She’s got a mouth on her, Overhaul,” someone says.

Overhaul. So the leader’s name is Overhaul. How ridiculous; it sounds like a villain’s name.

“Aww, princess,” Setsuno says, and once again his voice is too close for your comfort. “Little spoiled princess doesn’t know how to shut her mouth and suck it up when things don’t go her way? Well…you’ll learn.”

You don’t want to know what he’s talking about, although if you thought about it for more than a second it’d be obvious. You suck in a harsh breath and the cool, damp air stings against your dry throat. “You can’t just make me—“

“Ohh, I think we can. See, if your daddy’s been spending all of the Shie Hassaikai’s money on his precious daughter, don’t you think you owe a little too? Like, this dress—“ you jump as Setsuno’s hand tugs on the thin, floaty silk— “was bought with Overhaul’s money, so it belongs to him, right?”

You keep quiet, not wanting to prompt him to go further, but when his hands stroke up over your waist to grope your breasts in full view of everyone else in the room, you don’t really have to guess.

“And, y’know, your daddy’s been keeping you nice and healthy with Overhaul’s cash, making sure you grow up into such a pretty girl…” Setsuno’s voice is a purr in your ear as his hands squeeze your tits almost lovingly, then pinch your nipples through the fabric. “So hey—if you think about it, this tight little body…belongs to Overhaul too. Isn’t that right, sir?”

You squirm in place as best you can but with the metal cuffs digging into your wrists, there’s nothing you can do to get away from his touch. You’re desperate enough to shoot a terrified glance up at the leader—surely there are rules about treating an innocent girl like this, even for the yakuza—but he looks as unmoved as before. “Get her out of my sight. We’ll give her a rest for the next few days, and then…”

“No!” you yelp, too panicked to keep up the pretense of confidence. “I won’t, I can’t do that, please don’t make me—“

“Shhh. You’ll get used to it, princess. And if you don’t…” Setsuno’s hand combs though your hair and then trails down your neck, tracing the path of your spine between your shoulder blades. “…well, you won’t really have much of a choice, will you?”

And then he’s tugging on your cuffed hands, pulling you to a standing position, but you wriggle away from him and do everything you can to stay planted on the ground so they can’t take you away from here, away from the only man who is capable of stopping this. Overhaul. “Please! I’m— I can work it off another way! I’ll be useful— I’ll—“

Overhaul leans forward a fraction in his chair, and you wonder if you’ve caught his interest. “What, exactly? How do you think you can be useful to me?”

You bite your lip and wrack your brains, not knowing whether the question is rhetorical. What skills do you have that would be valuable to them? Suddenly all the knowledge you’ve gained in your short life seems so meaningless. You’re a decent receptionist (well, decent is a stretch), but if Overhaul wanted someone to answer calls for him you’re pretty sure he would’ve asked.

Why did you spend your life learning such impractical skills? The four-year weekend course you took on horseback riding jumps to mind and you want to hit your head against the wall. Why didn’t you ask your father to sponsor a class in something that would actually matter in the long run? And what would even be useful to these people? Accounting? Bookkeeping? Extortion?

There’s nothing valuable you can offer. You’ve wasted your life, and now you’re going to pay for it. Seriously, the only thing you’re actually good at is keeping your boyfriends (or, rather, the men you cycle through once a month) happy until the novelty wears off and you get bored and move on to the next lovesick target—

—wait. Keeping your boyfriends happy. That’s a skill, isn’t it?

Once, a little bit after you turned eighteen, you’d had a rather illicit conversation with one of your more sexually adventurous friends about being a sugar baby. Your friend had just secured a very generous benefactor, and you’d been so intrigued by all the designer purses and vacations to Cabo that you’d almost considered trying it for yourself. She’d even helped you set up a profile on Seeking Arrangements that listed your physical features and interests, but you’d blanched when it came time to post photos.

“But why do men even like this?” you'd asked your friend after your picture-less profile received its dozenth unsolicited offer. “Rich, successful guys shouldn’t have so much trouble finding girlfriends that they have to resort to paying for sex.”

“It’s a power trip,” she’d replied. “Most men never get the chance to have a woman who’s willing to do and be whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. You’re his ideal girlfriend, his therapist, his wife, and his stress relief all in one.”

At the time, you’d decided against it, deleting your profile and telling your friend you’d rather just keep taking advantage of your real father doting on you than have to fake orgasms for rich men in their 50’s. But back then, you’d had a choice; now that you’ve been kidnapped by a gang who wants you to get fucked by a bevy of strangers to pay off a debt you’ve never even heard of, you no longer have the privilege of a way out. Or, at least, the options are a lot less appealing than before.

You tilt your head back to Overhaul, eyeing him for the first time with real scrutiny instead of prideful disgust. Judging from what you can see of his face under the ornate bird mask (and again, what is with the freaking bird masks?), he’s fairly young, mid-twenties at the oldest. Short, sort of wavy dark hair (you’ve always had a thing for dark hair), a trim suit and tie, and those eyes. Like he can read your mind just looking at you.

He’s…handsome enough, you have to admit to yourself. But it’s not just that. There’s something pristine about him, something untouchable that commands discipline. He’s clean. You and him are probably the only clean things in this hovel of a room.

“Well? I’m waiting,” Overhaul says.

And now that you’ve got the idea in your head, it’s almost too embarrassing to meet his gaze. But you can do this; you have to do this. At least it’ll be your choice, and—you’re hoping—it’ll be better than the alternative.

“I could be yours,” you tell him, taking pride in the fact that your voice isn’t breaking.

His eyes narrow and you think god, his eyelashes are long. It’s not fair. Men never appreciate having long eyelashes. What is he thinking? Is he going to kill you for even suggesting it? But it’s too late now…you have to dig yourself a little deeper if you don’t want to go through with their original plan for debt fulfillment.

You force your muscles to relax, knowing this’ll be impossible to pull off if you’re tense and biting down on the words like they’re going to choke you. If you’re going to make him believe it, you have to make yourself believe it too. “You… This job must be hard. Even for a—a powerful man like you, it has to be stressful, right? Always looking out for the interests of the gang instead of your own…needs.”

Overhaul doesn’t move, but you’re so focused on him it would be impossible for you to miss the way a single muscle in his neck flexes. You’ve hit a nerve.

You take a cautious step toward him, trying to channel the sexually-liberated vixen you consider yourself when you’re not in your nightgown surrounded by men who could murder you with their bare hands and not miss a minute of sleep. “You’re always giving, aren’t you? Looking toward the future of the gang? Doesn’t it get frustrating when—when a pretty thing is in front of you and you don’t even get…a little taste of her?”

Oh god, you can feel the humiliated heat rushing to your cheeks. How can you be saying this? You’ve played the role of seductress plenty of times before, but never in such a risky situation. You just have to keep moving toward him and hope it feels authentic enough to convince him.

“You’ve worked hard. And…like he said, my—my body belongs to you.” Now you’re close enough to Overhaul and he hasn’t stopped you, so you lower yourself onto the floor, knees bumping softly into the cold surface. Kneeling between his legs.

Overhaul stares down at you, gaze as sharp and cold as before—and you’re sick with anxiety, so scared you can feel your hairs raising up on end—but if he wanted you to stop, he would have said something, right? So you shuffle a little closer and nuzzle your cheek over the inside of his clothed thigh like a kitten, then raise your head up to him to give him your best bedroom look, the one that says, I want you. I need you. No one but you. The look no man has ever been able to resist.

“…You deserve something to yourself, sir,” you murmur.

There’s a collective intake of breath as every person in the room simultaneously realizes what you’re offering. Overhaul’s expression doesn’t change, but once again, a tendon jumps out white under the skin of his throat and there’s a creak of latex on leather as his grip on the arm of the chair tightens.

“Damn,” Setsuno says under his breath from behind you. Someone whistles. You’re pretty sure you hear the word ‘slut’ being tossed around, but there’s reverence behind it.

“And what makes you think you’re so valuable?” Overhaul asks.

You close your eyes to ground yourself for a second. He’s interested, you know that much. You’ve never really had to convince someone to want you, but there’s a first time for everything. Besides, you only have to look at him for a second to know he does want you, which isn’t a surprise. Who wouldn’t?

“I’ll do anything you want, be anything you want,” you tell him, echoing your conversation with your friend back then. “Take out your anger on me if that’s what you’re into. When you’re tired of me, you can consider my debt paid and let me go.”

“And?” he prompts.

‘And’? And what? You’re offering yourself to him, your body and your mind—what more can he possibly ask from you? You cast your thoughts around, wondering what else you have to give him. “And…and I’ll do it willingly. You, um—you look like a man who appreciates obedience.”

And that’s it. Your last shred of pride is gone. Not only are you offering yourself up to a man to use as his personal stress doll, you’re saying you’ll be compliant every step of the way. Knowing yourself, you’re pretty sure that’s impossible, but you just need to make him believe it long enough for you to find a way out of here. You can pretend to enjoy getting fucked by a gangster a few times. You’ll live.

But you’re naive. And with the stream of thoughts pushing through your head, you never really consider one thing, one essential thing: how you look pleading up at him in that pale pink nightdress—soft, pure, immaculate against the filth of the underworld, the only clean body that Overhaul’s seen in a long time.

And you’re right. He is a man who appreciates obedience.

“Willingly…so you’d be willing to prove it.”

Your head jerks up and down in response. Yes! He’s taking the bait, now I just have to get him alone and—

“Then demonstrate.”

When a moment passes and you don’t move, Overhaul tips his head to the side, gaze still locked on you, and gestures vaguely at his lap. You blink and then shy back, shrinking under the hungry gazes of the onlookers. “You can’t mean—in front of them?”

“And here I thought you were going to be obedient.” There’s no mercy, no amusement in his voice. No hint of humanity.

So he’s serious. He wants you to give him a blowjob in front of—how many? one, two three, four—four other men!? Your first instinct is to jump back away from him and your next is to slap him for even suggesting it; you can actually hear the jingle of your cuffs as you attempt to raise your hand. You’ve gotten a little kinky before—blindfolds, vibrators, maybe a hand tied to the bedpost with a Hermès scarf once or twice, but this is a whole different level. And the way they’re all looking at you…like they’re itching to see you brought down. How absolutely disgusting.

But Overhaul’s waiting for your answer, and you know full well that you’re not going to deny him.

“O-Of course.” You lean forward over the seat of the chair so your face is just inches from his lap. “Um. My hands...?”

They’re still cuffed behind you, but it seems like they’re going to stay that way when Overhaul gives a curt shake of his head. “Use your mouth.”

Once again, you’re stunned into silence. How are you supposed to—? Without your hands? It doesn’t even seem like he’s going to undo his pants for you. It’s like he wants to humiliate you…oh, wait. As soon as the thought crosses your mind, it’s clear that’s exactly what he’s trying to do.

You give him another doe-eyed glance, bidding him to at least undo his belt, but he remains unmoved. Bastard.

After aiming another glare at him (because as obedient as you’re attempting to be, you’ve never been good at concealing your emotions) you lean deeper in and take the stiff leather of his belt between your teeth, gently easing it out of the buckle and trying to ignore the mixture of earthy and metallic tastes it leaves on your tongue. It takes a few tries, but eventually you’ve got the tail of the belt out of the buckle and you pull your head back to guide the metal down until the belt is hanging open from its loops.

A rush of accomplishment surges through you when you get it open, and then you want to slap yourself. Accomplishment? From doing this with your mouth like an animal—like a dog? You can hear laughter and mocking encouragement from the men watching, but you steel yourself and dip back in to get Overhaul’s pants undone. The button is tricky, especially with your face nudging into the hard muscle of his abdomen through his shirt, but somehow you manage to tug the fabric slit over the button and then—delicately, delicately—clamp the zipper between your teeth and peel it downward.

“Oh, she’s good,” someone says from the background. Setsuno. You look up warily, but Overhaul’s eyes haven’t moved from you.

Now that you’ve got his pants open, you’re face to face (literally) with what you’re going to have to deal with. The outline of his cock is bulging the fabric of his boxers outward, and he’s not even half erect. You snatch a look back up at him—and damn it, you have to stop doing that, because every time you look into those golden eyes and that stupid bird mask you feel like a lamb looking at a bird of prey right before it snatches you from your safe little lamb-house in the meadow and—fuck, you just have to get on with it.

So you dip down and mouth over him through the fabric, spreading the flat of your tongue over the length of his thick cock. Your mouth feels like you’ve been eating cotton (probably because they drugged you earlier) but you force yourself to salivate, letting drool spill over your tongue and dampen his boxers. When you duck and spread your lips down on the place you can feel the tip stretching out, you know the friction must feel good, because despite the lack of even so much of a deep breath from the man above you, his cock is getting harder.

You nudge your mouth over the tent between Overhaul’s legs again, letting the heat of your breath wash over him—but when he doesn’t do anything, you pull back and blink up at his face. Does he expect you to get him off through his underwear? You could, but most of your moves depend on skin-to-skin contact. There’s no way you can get his cock out with your mouth like you undid his pants, so…what? “Are—are you going to take it out?”

Overhaul brings a gloved hand to his face to rub absently at one of the straps on his mask. “…Beg,” he tells you.

Your mouth drops open and you reel back from his lap like he asked you to lick the dirt off the floor. What!? He can’t seriously expect you to—to beg him to put his dick in your mouth when you’re clearly disgusted at the whole situation. When he doesn’t give any indication of retracting the statement, you can’t help the mocking sneer that forms over your face. “Please, sir,” you spit, and a deaf man could hear the spite in your voice.

Now, that gets a reaction. Overhaul’s eyes flash and you take a certain degree of pride back at the anger you’ve clearly inspired in him. But it’s extinguished as soon as you see it, and then he’s reaching down to cup your chin, tilting your head back and rubbing his thumb over your lower lip.

“I think you can do better than that, princess,” he says, and you can hear your own mocking tone reflected back in his voice. “Unless you’d like me to give my men a turn?”

This, more than anything, scares you. He must be able to feel the way your spine goes stiff, adrenaline rushing, your fight-or-flight instinct kicking in at the prospect of what he’s threatening.

“Each of them, one by one. Between the four of them, I think they could cure that smart mouth…although they might just break you in the process,” he continues, and then his thumb is pressing into your lip, into your mouth, and you loosen your jaw to let him in. You can taste the rubbery latex of his gloves and the other men mutter agreement, encouraging their leader to turn you over to them, and you want to cry.

But you hold the tears back. “Please, sir! Please, please may I s-suck your cock sir? Please!” Your voice is more terrified than obedient, but that’s probably what he’s into anyway. When he doesn’t say anything, you babble on, unwilling to let yourself get gangbanged by a group of men who could probably wreck your pussy in a single round. “Please, please, Mr.—Mr. Overhaul, um, boss? M-Master?”

“Sir will do just fine,” Overhaul says, apparently satisfied, and he pulls his hand away from your face to free his cock from his boxers.

You let out a hot sigh of relief and angle yourself back toward his lap so you can zero in on his cock (and, hopefully, do a little to block out how sickeningly degrading all of this is: how easy it is for him to threaten you; how he has all the power and you have none; how the men around you are goading you, taunting you and calling you things that should get their mouths washed out with soap). You can focus on this, and this, at least, you’re good at. You’ve always been good with your mouth.

It’s a nice dick, too, you have to admit to yourself as you stare at it. Perfect length, girth, and a thick, cut head that you know just by looking that you’re going to have to stretch your jaw to get around. All his hair is neatly trimmed and groomed, and he even smells good, clean and fresh like soap. You’ve never been in front of a dick that didn’t smell like day-old ball sweat, so this is a first. It’s got a nice upward curve, too, and there’s a bead of pearly precum oozing out of the tip. The kind of cock that’s made for penetrative orgasms—

No. Fuck. You cannot be thinking this. You cannot allow yourself to lust after a gang leader who thinks of you as little more than an interactive sex doll. A tingle of blood rushes to your cheeks as you feel wetness pool in your panties and you adjust your stance, shuffling your thighs apart under the pretense of getting closer and hoping Overhaul doesn’t notice.

If he notices, he does the merciful thing and keeps quiet (which makes you think he has no idea you’re feeling the way you’re feeling, because he’s probably never chosen to do the merciful thing in his life). He does, however, shift one of his knees farther apart to accommodate you as you crawl close enough to him to get your head all the way between his legs.

So now you’re staring up at that unfairly pretty cock and wondering how the fuck this is supposed to start, but—best just get on with it. Pretend it’s not him, pretend it’s…no, wait, pretend it is him, it is Overhaul, the same bastard who’s looking down at you like you’re trash, except pretend you’re in control. Because no matter how many orders he gives, once you’ve got his cock in his mouth he’ll have to be the weak one. Right?

Lightly, slowly, you trace the tip of your tongue in a wet path up the underside of his cock, sliding up from the hilt to caress every bulging vein with all the delicacy and accuracy of a surgeon. When you reach the tip, you flatten your tongue to curve it around that bulbous head and then slip it off, the suction providing a wet smacking sound as your skin leaves his.

The breath of his barely-heavier exhale ruffles your hair and you relish the knowledge that he’s getting impatient. Yes. The bastard can wait.

You kiss the tip of his cock, barely moving your lips around the slit, only enough to let your tongue flick out against the precum and gather the bitter liquid up in your mouth. And then—right when he’s getting annoyed, when you can tell by the tension in his body that he’s five seconds away from shoving your head down to fuck your face—you duck closer, relax your throat, and swallow.

Like a fucking python. Or so you’ve been told.

The exhale that escapes him isn’t light this time. You can almost hear the barest hint of a groan under his breath, but you’re more focused on holding down your gag reflex as you let that heavy cock hit the back of your throat. Once he’s all the way down (or at least as far as you can get him), you rock yourself back an inch and then take him deeper, forcing yourself to hold still so he can feel the walls of your throat convulse around him, sucking him in, dry-gagging on the mass that’s filling you up.

“Fuuuuck,” you hear someone whine, and it’s not even Overhaul. It’s one of the men watching, and you feel a perverse mixture of hatred and arrogance rise up in you.

Overhaul’s cock is too big for you to properly moan around it, but you give it a go anyway so he can feel the vibration of your voice through his skin. You’re rewarded with a tangible twitch with it sitting on your tongue, and—oh—your mouth is watering out of where you’re clenching down on him at the back of your throat.

Spittle slips out over your lower lip and onto your chin, but you ignore it in favor of jerking your head up and down in fractional strokes, trying your absolute best to get yourself down to his base but knowing that he probably doesn’t give a shit anyway, not with how good your throat feels around what you’re capable of stuffing in.

What were you saying about ‘valuable’, sir? you think, and then you pull your head off his cock, so slow it’s almost cruel, sucking your cheeks in and hollowing out so those wet walls are rubbing up on every millimeter of his skin. When you reach the tip, you savor it, letting your tongue do the dirty work and looking up at him through your lash extensions before you release him with a nasty wet pop.

“Holy fuck, can I have her next?” one of the other men says, but you and Overhaul are too focused on each other to even look and see who’s talking.

His gaze is trained firmly down at you, and—no way, damn it—he looks bored, like he could be waiting in line at the DMV instead of getting sucked off by you, a girl who’s been complimented by every man she’s ever been with (including her first) on her bj technique. You know he’s feeling it—he can fake calm, but he can’t fake the way his cock’s throbbing under your tongue as you lick up the shaft. Still, now that you’ve got it in your head that Overhaul’s not going to make a sound, all you can think about is forcing him to moan. Let him look weak in front of all his little lackeys.

With renewed vigor, you lap up the length of Overhaul’s cock in sloppy dabs, leaving strings of saliva dripping off your mouth and his cock only to slurp them up, audibly, wiggling your tongue over the tip when you reach it. And that, that gets him, because you feel more than see the buck of his hips into your face as he hisses out a curse.

And—oh dear, maybe you shouldn’t have done that—because the next thing you feel is Overhaul looming forward over you, hand gripping the back of your head, and is he going to force you down? You hate that—so you take the initiative, tilting forward to take him into your mouth again, head bobbing up and down so quickly that your hair is falling all over your face, but it’s okay, because he’s got you, he’s got you, got his hands combed through your hair holding it out of your face, pulling so lightly it barely even hurts, but it does hurt, and he’s guiding you up and down on his cock and it’s hitting the back of your throat every time, and—and it hurts.

You really shouldn’t have done that.

“Take it deeper,” Overhaul instructs, almost encouraging, although you’re not given the option to pull off because he’s holding you down, pushing you firmly toward the base of his cock. You sputter around it, gagging, and you’re almost fucking choking, and he won’t let you up.

God, you’re not—not breathing, you can feel your throat choking down on him—“breathe through your nose,” he says, and this man, this villain has no idea what he’s fucking talking about, because you’re trying, eyes stinging and then you can feel tears down your cheeks. You try to squirm back on your knees, but somehow the combined force of every muscle in your body is outmatched by his single hand on the back of your head—and—and—you squeeze your eyes shut, relax, open your throat as much as you can and—

Overhaul forces your mouth down to the hilt.

Fuck, is he going to keep you there? You can’t, you can’t—if you could move, you’d be shaking your head and begging him to let you stop and as it is you’re whimpering around his cock. Your throat is making gagging noises and you’re crying, actually crying, actually fucking crying on a man’s dick. So this is what it feels like to be used?

“Good.” There’s something lower and darker in Overhaul’s voice, a husky undertone from the growl he’s trying to suppress. “Hold still…remember, you asked for this.”

You did. You asked for it. Begged for it. Pleaded.

“Want me to forgive your father’s debt…? You’re going to have to earn it.” He pulls out an inch just to ram himself back in. You make a weak attempt to move your tongue around his shaft and you can feel the shudder all the way through him, his cock twitching where it’s locked in your throat. “Mm…good girl. Just a little—little longer—“

His fingers are tightening in your hair, curling around the strands and tugging instead of just applying pressure to your head. He’s close, you think, and then you struggle back, not wanting him to cum down your throat, what if you choke on it? Like, really choke? You don’t want it, don’t want his cum in your stomach, but then he sighs and tells you again that you’re a good girl, and ohfuckohfuck you must be so scared you’re desperate for praise because you feel heat rush into your cheeks and your cunt when he says it and you try to move your tongue like you did earlier and his hips jerk forward and—he cums. In your mouth.

It’s salty, you think. The next thing you think is that you want to gag, because you’ve never had cum in your mouth before. For all your sexual experimentation, you’ve never let a man cum down your throat like this, always telling them it shoot it on your tits or whatever because you are not a person who should have semen in her mouth, much less ingest it.

But right now, with Overhaul lazily dragging your head up and down for a last couple pumps on his softening dick, your choice isn’t spit or swallow. It’s swallow or choke.

Hot. Thick. The texture is slimy, so viscous you can feel it going down your throat in strings. Part of you wants to throw up. It’s repulsive. Filthy. You hate this.

Part of you has to shift your position again so you don’t have to feel your own wetness slicking up the insides of your thighs.

How. Is. This. Possible. You may have just had to swallow your pride (and not just that), but what about your dignity? You’re a good person…okay, well, even if you’re not a ‘good person’ per se, you don’t hurt anyone with your selfishness. You don’t deserve to be kept as a pet by a sadistic bastard who gets off on watching you almost pass out on his cock, and you certainly don’t deserve the humiliation of finding that you’re turned on by it.

And yet. Here you are. Still held securely in place until Overhaul slides you off him. As soon as your mouth is free you suck in a dizzyingly deep breath, but even that is too much for your battered throat and the breath turns into a cough; you instinctively fold down away from Overhaul so the mixed saliva and cum you’re hacking out spatters in cloudy white flecks across the floor instead of on his clothing.

“Stop that,” Overhaul scolds, hauling you back up by your hair and forcing your mouth closed with a hand on your jaw. “If you make a mess, you’ll be cleaning it up.”

Considering what he just made you do to him, there’s no doubt in your mind that he’s implying you’ll have to lick it off the floor. You clench your jaw, holding back the convulsions of your throat as best you can, and hope he doesn’t press the issue.

Now that you’ve got your coughing under control, you can start to sense things that you had been tuning out before: the men hooting and wolf-whistling and applauding your performance, the traitorously persistent throb of your clit pulsing under your panties, and Overhaul’s hand releasing your chin to pet down your neck. “Now. What do you say when someone gives you a meal?”

Just you wait, bastard. I’m going to tie you to your bed and set fire to it. But you’ve got the sense that that answer won’t go over well, so you take a deep breath and look up at him again, meeting those piercing gold eyes with your own. “Thank you, sir,” you say in a soft whisper because it’s all your abused throat can manage.

“That’s right.” His hands feel colder than the concrete under your legs as he spreads his hand down your neck, only to toy with one of the lacy pink straps of your nightdress. “Stand up.”

You stand shakily, too cowed to even consider stepping back from him. Without warning (much less permission), Overhaul lifts the hem of your stupidly short dress up past your thighs, exposing your panties and lower belly to view.

“Hold this in your mouth,” he says, and after only a few seconds of hesitation you open up and bite down on the fabric so you’re effectively holding up the skirt for him. Overhaul skims gloved hands down the sides of your hips and comes to a rest when he reaches your panties—and why did you have to wear these today? Shiny red satin in the front; the back is just flowers worked in crimson lace. You know exactly how good you look in these panties, and judging by the things Overhaul’s men are saying, they’re more than appreciative of the view.

But Overhaul ignores them in favor of hooking his fingers under the elastic and pulling the panties down until they’re resting stretched between your upper thighs. You don’t have to see them to know there’s a string of slick connecting the lips of your cunt to the fabric, betraying in full technicolor detail how turned on you’ve gotten just from sucking him off. He gazes down at your pussy and then up to you as if waiting for you to admit it, but you stay silent.

“Well, well. What a nicely-trained slut I’ve found myself.” He gracelessly pulls the panties the rest of the way down your legs and lets them fall to the ground. “Do you always get this wet when you let your boyfriends fuck that smart mouth?”

It takes you a second to comprehend that he’s expecting an answer. “N-No, sir,” you reply, voice muffled by the fabric you’re still holding between your teeth.

“I suppose I can’t leave you like this, not after you took me so nicely.”

Does he mean he’s going to get you off? No freaking way. You drop the hem of your dress, let it flutter down over your thighs, try to scramble back, but his hand on your waist keeps you from moving. “I— It’s okay, I don’t need—“

“No, I think you do. I think I’m going to reward my pet for a job well done.” He leans back, eyeing you without sympathy. “I’d have you touch yourself, but—“

The mere possibility that he might remove the handcuffs has you straining against them again, and the sound of metal against metal rings out from behind you.

“—but, I think it’s best to keep the cuffs on for a few days…until you’ve settled down.”

Days? He can’t leave you in chains for days, helpless and powerless, so easy to take advantage of. “You can’t,” you whimper, and even though you mean for it to be a decisive statement, with your throat ravaged and hoarse it’s downright pathetic. Overhaul doesn’t even bother reprimanding you for talking back.

“My men have been patient,” he muses, and an enthusiastic wave of agreement wells up from the others. “Any of them would be happy to do it.”

You may have been through a lot in the past hour alone, but there is no way you’re going to let those rowdy criminals have their way with you. You send a nervous glance around the room and as predicted, not a single one of them looks like they have the slightest shred of control over themselves.

None of them…except Overhaul.

Still eased back in his chair, he looks just as relaxed and unaffected as he did when he was explaining your father’s debts to you. But there’s something flickering in his eyes, something he isn’t going to say to you, isn’t going to say out loud. A challenge.

Maybe, once again, he’s waiting for you to ask for it yourself. And if it’s a choice between him and one of the grimy ruffians who’ve been looking at you like dogs look at meat, you know what you’d prefer. Well—really, you’d prefer option C: none of the above (your current state might be uncomfortable, but you’re not so wanton that you’d rather cum in front of strangers than keep your legs together). Unfortunately, you’re starting to come to terms with the fact that ‘no’ is no longer an option.

Overhaul’s stare flicks from you to an unseen figure behind you, and you can tell he’s about to summon one of them over so you force yourself to move, lurching forward and climbing into his lap to straddle one of his thighs with all the grace you’re capable of. You feel the stir in the air when he inhales sharply, surprised, and his masked face is so close to your neck that you wonder if he can smell the lotion you put on before you went to bed last night.

It’s one of your favorite scents: vanilla, lilac, orange blossoms. You bought it because it smelled pure.

“Please, sir, I don’t want them,” you breathe next to his ear, injecting every ounce of sexual frustration you’re feeling into the needy tones of your voice. “I’m yours. I belong to you, just you. No one else—please, sir…Overhaul.”

He’s quiet for a long, tense moment, and you think he’s going to hit you, or maybe even kill you for your disobedience. Push you off his lap at least. But just when you’re teetering on the edge of jumping back from him and begging for forgiveness for talking out of turn, you feel it—a low rumble of laughter from deep in his chest.

Big, cold hands wrap around the sides of your ribcage under your breasts and his fingernails dig into you through the layers of latex and fabric. He tilts forward, forcing you to arch away and all you can think about is how horribly weak you are compared to him. Are you trembling? Will he be angry if you feels how afraid you are?

“You know, I guess I’ll keep you after all,” he hums, stroking his fingers through your hair and down your neck. “How does that sound, princess? I think you’d like that very much, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.” The response comes all too easily, even if the words taste bitter in your mouth. You’ve never said the word ‘sir’ so much in your life…but as he repositions you on his lap and slides a single hand up the inside of your thigh under your dress, you bite your lip and decide to hold back your protest.

If you’re going to have to learn manners, you’d better do it sooner rather than later. Something tells you Overhaul’s not going to accept any less than your best behavior if you want to pay off your debt.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #overhaul #chisaki kai #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia imagines #mha x reader #mha imagines #boku no hero x reader #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero fanfic #smut #tw dubcon

6K notes · View notes

emmies-archives · 4 years ago

Text

-Public | Hinata Shoyo-

fem!reader x sub-timeskip!hinata shoyo

Warnings: Nsfw, degradation, public sex, masturbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, punishment, dacryphilia, edging, getting caught, shower sex, implied threesome,

Summary: Your supposed to pick Hinata up from practice, except he’s made you wait over an hour, and he’s ignored your texts.

WC: 1.7k

A/N: ig im just fuckin thirsty as hell today... also this is unedited bc im lazy, once again, pls ignore typos.

-Hinata Shoyo-

Light shone into the car with each person that drove by as they left the parking lot you had been sitting in for nearly an hour now. Practice had ended over an hour ago, yet Hinata hadn’t come out of the gym yet.

It was normal for him to run late, but this was getting out of hand. He hadn’t even sent a single text to let you know what was going on.

Reading the last one you sent asking when he was coming out, a sigh left your lips when you noticed. He’d left you on read.

A part of you wanted to leave him at the gym, for him to find his own way back to your shared apartment; but you couldn’t. As badly as he deserved it, you had other plans for him.

This wasn’t the first time Hinata had done this either, sometimes he’d get so caught up in whatever he was doing he’d forget to even check his phone, let alone look at the time. You wanted to cut him some slack, but you had warned him once before.

Glancing at the doors once more, you took a slow breath in. Waiting for him to come out for one more minute. When there was no sign of him still, you turned the car off, heading towards the gym.

Hunting down your boyfriend was the last thing that you wanted to do, you were exhausted already. Your entire day had been draining, and you only wanted to go home and relax. But there you were, pushing the doors open, only to find the gym empty.

“Hello?”

Your voice bounced off the walls, echoing back to you loudly. Looking around, there was nothing showing anyone was still there, except for Hinata’s bag sitting alone across the room.

Just as you were crossing the gym toward the bag he slipped through a door, eyes wide when he noticed you. It took you a second to process that he was in front of you now, you weren’t exactly sure what to say, but you weren’t happy, and he could tell.

“Shoyo.” You narrowed your eyes slightly, crossing your arms over your chest. The simple movement made him drop his eyes as if he were trying to hide from your intense glare.

“Hi, y/n.” His voice was quiet, much quieter than his normal self. Shifting his weight as he spoke, eyes fixed on his bag.

You didn’t say anything else for a moment, not sure if you should even talk. You couldn’t tell if you were more upset at the fact he knew what he did or not. It was one thing to simply forget to send a message, but him purposefully ignoring your texts pissed you off.

“Are you, um.. are you okay?” He asked, slowly looking you in the eyes, a small look of concern sitting on features.

“I think I should be asking you that, Sho.” Tilting your head slightly, you stared at him waiting for him to explain why he took so long.

“I’m okay. I was just about to come meet you.”

That answer made your blood hot, you could barely hold back what you wanted to say in response. Closing your eyes for a moment, you tried calming yourself, even if was only a little.

“Oh, so you did know I was here.” You spoke lowly, holding him in your stare once more. He stiffened when you started walking toward him, eyes wide as your gripped the collar of his shirt, pulling him to look up at you.

“Are you mad-“

“Don’t pretend to be innocent, Sho. I know you read my text I sent nearly an hour ago.” Your lips pulled back into a sneer when he dropped his eyes from yours once more. Letting go of his shirt you took a step back, reading the label on the door from where he came, it was the showers.

Stepping around him he didn’t take his eyes off the floor as you walked to the door and pulled it open.

“Remember what I said last time you did this?” You didn’t even have to say anything else as you stepped into the hallway, he followed behind you quietly. You knew he remembered, but he probably wouldn’t answer on his own.

Hinata usually got quiet when you were upset, not wanting to make anything worse. He really did try to be good; it was just sometimes he got a little distracted.

“I hope none of your teammates are here, Sho, or they’re going to hear you whining like a little bitch soon.” Your voice dripped with the anger you felt, but it was steady, scarily calm.

Once you were in the showers, you spun on your heels slowly. In an instant his back was pressed against the cold tile, a small shiver running down his back as your hot breath fanned over his lips.

He didn’t want to look at you, but for some reason he couldn’t tear his eyes from yours. Even as you swiftly pushed down his gym shorts, a venom-soaked saccharine smile pulling at your lips.

He wasn’t sure what to do, or where to put his hands. Was he allowed to touch you? He probably didn’t deserve it, but he wanted to. Especially as your fingers wrapped around his slowly hardening length.

If the look in your eyes wasn’t on the forefront of his thoughts, he would’ve felt the burn of his cheeks at your touch, and gaze.

“You’re already pretty hard, Sho. What were you thinking about that got you so worked up?” You asked sweetly, the tone of your voice harshly contrasting your actions as you gripped his jaw, pulling him closer to your face. “Answer me.”

“Um, I don’t know, you’re just so… I can’t explain it.”

You nearly laughed at his answer, it was almost pathetic how he couldn’t resist you when he disobeyed you. It was like he did it on purpose, just so he could have you like this.

“You don’t know.. well if that’s the case, why don’t you get yourself off, hm? A little slut like you doesn’t even deserve me to touch them. Not after you made me wait as long as I did.” You leaned closer to him, your hand tightening on his neck as you did. Letting your grip on his cock go, raising an eyebrow as you waited for him to listen to you.

Slowly, after shutting his eyes for a moment, he gripped himself. Stroking his cock loosely, the blush deepening on his cheeks as he did. He hated this, he knew he didn’t deserve it but he wanted it to be your hand, desperately wanted to feel your touch again. He listened though, saying anything back to you would only make it worse.

“Awe, look how cute you are. Is it embarrassing touching yourself in front of me?” He whined softly when you pushed closer to him, barely brushing against his length as he sped up his hand. Trying to mimic your expert movements, how you seemed to always make him melt as you touched him.

It was nothing like how you did it though, nothing close to the pleasure he felt when your pretty fingers were wrapped around his aching cock, pumping him just right. His eyes fluttered shut, not being able to look into yours anymore.

“No, no shutting your eyes. I want you to see me watch you pathetically touch yourself, I thought you could do it better, or am I the only one who can make you feel good like that, hm?” You pulled away from him when he opened his eyes again, watching as he changed his pace slowing down once more. Trying to find something that felt similar to what he was searching for.

Tears of frustration were starting to prick his eyes mixing with the embarrassment pooling in his chest. You weren’t surprised when they spilled over, slipping down his cheeks. The satisfied grin on your face only pushing his embarrassed crying further, needy whines slipping from his throat, but he kept stroking himself. Eyes screwing shut once more as he tried to stop the tears from coming.

You were about to say something else, maybe let him stop when you were interrupted. The loud creaking of the door opening sounded once more, followed by loud heavy footsteps.

Hinata’s eyes flew open, and he looked to you with wide eyes, you only smiled and moved closer to him, enough to shield him if needed.

“Hinata! You in here?” A loud voice called out, and you recognized it almost immediately. Not even giving him a chance to respond, Bokuto stepped around the corner. You moved away from Hinata again, giving Bokuto a clear view of him.

“Hey, Bo.” You smiled at the larger man as if there was nothing going on, his wide eyes flicked between you and Hinata several times, trying hard to not look at the redhead’s hand.

“Y/n, what are you doing in here?” Bokuto’s voice was quiet, nearly a whisper when he asked it.

“Teaching Hinata a lesson. You wouldn’t happen to know why he was here so late, would you?” You asked slowly, raising an eyebrow when Bokuto shook his head rapidly, you definitely didn’t believe him. Especially with the blush that spread across his cheeks. “Hm, well you’re free to stay if you want. I’m sure Hinata wouldn’t mind, would you baby?”

Hinata let out a shaky breath, like he had been holding it in since Bokuto arrived. Forcing himself to look at the tall man, barely meeting his eyes. Shaking his head, he didn’t quite trust his voice yet, not with the obvious tent growing in Bokuto’s shorts.

Seeing Hinata with his head tilted against the tile, tears spilling down his cheeks as he gripped his cock, it was something he thought he’d never see. Bokuto could hardly look at you now, there was an edge in the tone of your voice he’d never heard before, it scared him slightly.

Raking your eyes down Hinata’s form, you shook your head slightly, catching his attention once more.

“I didn’t tell you to stop, Shoyo. Show Bokuto just how much of a slut you are, and maybe I’ll think about touching you myself, okay?”

tags: @bummie @beelziee @bunny-xoxo @ultimate-astridwriting

#haikyuu smut #haikyuu!!#shoyo hinata #hinata smut #haikyuu thirsts #hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shoyo imagine #Kotaro bokuto #bokuto smut #haikyuu bokuto #Ems-thirsting #haikyuu #[ 🎞 ] — anihaven

261 notes · View notes

tomspancakes · 5 years ago

Text

This Way: Part 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: none

Summary: Yours and Tom’s past come in bringing a bit of tension.

Part 1

A/N: AHH I’m so glad people liked part 1! I don’t have a set schedule for posting bc I still have school atm, but I’m gonna try to stay consistent, cause writing this is so fun :))) If you have any suggestions of improvement for my writing or if you’re enjoying this please lmk! If you want to be added to the tag list don’t hesitate to ask! Enjoy Part 2 <3

“Harry, oh my god that was so awkward. I hated that, it will replay in my head for the next week.” You groaned flopping on his bed. “I am a bad bitch I’m fine, I’m fine” you reminded yourself.

He laughed at you and sat next to you, “You are a bad bitch. And yes that was painfully awkward, I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks for pulling me away though. Not gonna lie, I felt like Allana was plotting something in her head when she saw me. Did you get any vibe that she didn’t seem happy?” You asked, nervous.

“Eh wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t happy, she bosses Tom around. She tried to use me as her photographer once, but I was busy and couldn’t, but she somehow made Tom clear my schedule so that I could take pictures of her. I do not trust her in all honesty, so her plotting something wouldn’t be new..” You gasped at the story.

“Dang I will not get in her way then…” Harry laughed and asked, “What do you feel like eating tonight, love?”

“Uhmmm, oh I haven’t had nandos since the last time I was here.” You said and he nodded.

After the Nandos was dropped off at the house you all gathered around the table.

“I think I can make food like Nandos.” Harrison said and everyone started laughing, “Hey I seriously think I can. Just watch.”

“I think you can too, Harrison, I’ll be your sous chef if you want.” He smiled at your encouragement and stuck his tongue out at everyone else and Allana rolled her eyes. Oof. “Tommy, do you have spinach? I have a photoshoot tomorrow because one of the models cancelled. I can’t eat the side dishes. I’ll make myself a salad or something.” Allana said.

Harry scoffed and joked, “We don’t have rabbit food here, love.” Tuwaine and Harrison laughed, but you felt bad they were ganging up on her.

“Hey don’t make fun of her. It’s harder for us girls to stay fit whereas you boys can eat like shit and still be fit.” You said to the boys and Allana looked at you a bit surprised and pleased, “Allana, I think I saw some lettuce in the fridge. I can go grab it for you and a bowl. Gotta start getting used to the things around here anyway.” You smiled at her.

Her expression went back to being unimpressed, “Uhm no thanks. I’ll just go eat at home, I have to leave in a bit anyway.” She said and pushed the utensils away.

“Darling, you need to eat a little something, you haven’t eaten one thing since you’ve gotten here.” Tom said. Your heart clenched a bit when he called her darling.

“Tommy, god, I said I’d eat later. Don’t you ever listen?” She said everyone stared in silence until Harrison broke it, “Someone’s a little hangry…”

“Harrison shut up!” Tom said snapping his head toward Haz.

Allana was turning red, “That’s it! I’m tired of your friends treating me like this. I’m leaving, Tommy, will you come with me?” Tom got up and glared at Harrison as he helped Allana out.

“As if she doesn’t treat us badly.” Tuwaine said, rolling his eyes, Harry and Harrison nodding in response.

“Ok, but I still felt bad for her. That was a little uncalled for guys.” You said continuing to eat.

“Y/n, she literally shot you down when you were trying to be helpful.” Harrison stated.

“Ok true, but I didn’t mind, she seemed to mind when you all ganged up on her.” The boys nodded.

“Not even 3 hours here and you’re already being our mother.” Harry said laughing.

“Oh shut up, you boys love me. I’m just using the bad bitch energy Harry gave me earlier.” You all laughed.

After dinner you and the boys watched funny videos on Harry’s laptop and then headed your separate ways to go to sleep. You did your night routine and pulled on pj shorts and tank top since the boys put the heater on.

You stirred in bed trying to sleep, but the jet lag got the best of you and you decided to put your clothes in the drawers and closet. Before starting to clean you decided to grab a snack and water.

While waiting for the popcorn to finish popping in the microwave you heard the front door unlock and a tired looking Tom walked in.

“Tom? Oh my god why’re you getting home now it’s 2 am, you should’ve stayed with Allana. It’s so late!”

“Oh, y/n? And we were talking then she kicked me out, something about being alone in bed is better for her aura the night before a photoshoot. Why’re you up?” Tom stammered and you scoffed at the story.

“Jet lag. I decided to organize my room, but also wanted a snack.” He nodded sitting in front of you at the counter, “Why don’t you go to sleep now you look like shit.” You joked. He put his hand over his heart pretending to be hurt.

“Tsss ouch, y/n, but I kinda wanted to talk to you. You know, catch up.” He said looking at you with his head resting on his hand now. Your heart sped up and sighed trying to stay calm.

“Alright, what do you wanna know?” You pulled the popcorn out of the microwave and set it between you and Tom. He started eating with you.

“How’re you and Mr. Gavin Leatherwood?” His question surprised you because one; that was a very straightforward question and two; you never confirmed anything/ went public with Gavin except for paps photos of you two holding hands and only Zendaya, your family, and Harry knew and swore not to tell Tom.

“Uhm we mutually broke up two weeks ago...” You said looking up at Tom fiddling with your fingers. Tom’s eyes widened a bit and he tried to hide his joy,

“Oh I’m sorry about that y/n.” he said genuinely, “I always thought there was something off about him.” You rolled your eyes getting annoyed thinking back to the past,

“Tom nothing was wrong with him. Like I said it was a mutual break up. He’s a sweet guy, you just never gave him a chance.” You rolled your eyes. He put his arms up in defense,

“Sorry, love, chill. I was trying to make you feel better by implying you deserved better.” You scoffed knowing he was only being half truthful.

“Mhm sure, we both know that you just hated him.” Tom looked at the bowl of popcorn in defeat.

“Thanks for sticking up for Allana by the way. I know she doesn’t seem like the nicest person at first, but when you get to know her she’s a sweetheart.”

“Oh ya I bet.” You joked.

“What? ‘Not gonna give her a chance’, love?” He mocked your American accent and put air quotes in when he said that. You gave him a displeased look,

“Really, Tom? Really? Are seriously going to say that to me when you never stood up for Gavin and was actually the meanest to him?”

“Oh my god,” he groaned, “it was a joke, love. I see you still get butt hurt easily.” He said putting his head in his hands. That was it,

“Ok good catching up with you Tom. Good night, asshole.” You took the popcorn and water to your room.

Tom sat there with his eyes never leaving your beautiful figure. He groaned, beating himself up mentally for fucking things up and for checking you out.

You woke up around 7 a.m. groaning because jet lag got to you really bad. You changed into leggings and a crop top ready to go on a light jog knowing you wouldn’t go back to sleep.

When you walked down you saw that Tom fell asleep on the couch. Your heart melted at the sight, but you tried to ignore how cute and cuddly he looked. You were about to walk out, but gave in and decided to put a blanket over Tom.

“Oh mornin’ y/n, you’re up early,” You heard Harrison as he walked down in shorts and a tshit-shirt, “Going on a run too?”

“Yup, light one though. I’ve got a lot of work to do today.” You said putting your hair up in a ponytail.

“Sick, I’ll run with you for a bit then.” You smiled and waited outside for him.

When you started running it was a little silent until he spoke, “So did you put that blanket over Tom?”

“Maybe” you chuckled a bit, it was quiet again.

“Fuck it I’m just gonna say it,” you raised your eyebrow at him, “I shouldn’t be saying thihs, but he hasn’t gotten over you. I think Allana is here just to keep him on his toes. And plus he-”

“Sorry, Harrison, can we not talk about this now? I’m still trying to forget about my past with him since I’m living in his house and all.” You said breathing hard.

“You know you don’t have to do that. As his best friend I know he’d hate for you to pretend like nothing ever happened between you two.”

“Alright then, but if something bad happens because of past events I’m blaming you.” You said jokingly and Harrison laughed, “So what are all the things you need to catch me up on, I’ll let you talk now, I already can’t breathe.” Harrison laughed and started updating you on everything.

“Wait are you serious? That sounds terrible.” You said, Harrison was telling you how he face planted when he was trying to impress a girl.

“Oh my god it was so embarrassing, she was so quiet when she helped me up and took her number out of my phone!” You started dying of laughter.

“I’m so sorry that’s so sad. I can’t help, but to laugh though. She’s missing out though you’re a good looking guy.” He turned red with embarrassment.

“Aw thanks y/n. Also I can’t believe you ended up running the whole time with me.” You shrugged like it was nothing, but your legs were actually aching. You two stepped into the house to the smell of bacon.

“Oh hell yeah... wait is that Tom cooking?” Harrison asked, very surprised.

“Yes, I can cook you div.” Tom said.

You noticed he changed into sweats and he was shirtless.

“Bro the last time you cooked was when-”

Tom turned surprised to see you up, you stared at him a bit too long. He cut Haz off before he can spill anymore beans,

“Morning, love, like what you see?” You scoffed,

“Actually no, just waiting for you to burn your nipples or something since your frying bacon without a shirt.” You went to pour a glass of water and as if on cue Tom yelped in pain.

“Fuck, I burned myself.” Tom hissed and you were gonna laugh at him until you saw his side.

“Oh my god Tom! What the hell how’d you manage to burn your side?” You rushed to his side with an ice pack in a dish towel.

“Haha Tom I thought you said you could cook!” Harrison said dying of laughter.

“Harrison can you go get toothpaste?”

“What the fuck toothpaste?” Harrison and Tom asked at the same time.

“Yes, trust me.” With that Harrison scurried off to get toothpaste.

“Told you being shirtless was a bad idea.” You scolded him.

“You liked it though, don’t deny it,” you pressed the ice pack to his side and he winced, “ouch, love, I was joking.” You giggled a bit at his reaction,

“How hard is it to find toothpaste? Harrison where are you?” You yelled. You looked back at Tom, seemed like something was on his mind.

“You uh look good, y/n.” He stammered, your face heating up more and your heartbeat quickening,

“Tom don’t.”

“What I can’t say my friend looks good? You told Harrison he’s good looking.” You raised your brow. Was he jealous? How the hell did he hear that from inside?

“You’re something else, Holland. Plus you have a girlfriend, don’t think she’d like to hear you say that. Especially when I’m your ex.” For some reason it pained both of you when you said that.

You sat across from him still waiting for Harrison. Tom nudged your foot with his and said, “Y/n, I wanted to say I was sorry about last night. I was tired and being a complete div.”

You looked up at him, “It’s alright, sorry for overreacting and walking out.”

“No no you had every right to.” He sighed and was about to continue, but Haz ran in,

“I got the toothpaste!” Harrison said breathless.

“Why the hell did you take so long?” You asked as Harrison handed you the tube and winked at Tom, he rolled his eyes then face palmed.

“Oh my god, Harrison.” Tom groaned. You caught on real quick, Harrison was giving you two alone time.

“You’re not slick at all Osterfield, you literally suck.” You said as he laughed.

You removed the ice pack from Tom’s side, “Alright, Tom, this is gonna sting a bit.” You warned and spread the paste on his burn he groaned in pain.

“Whoa, Harry cover your innocent eyes!” Tuwaine exclaimed covering his face when he and Harry walked in.

“Really guys having sex in the kitchen?” Harry said.

“Oh shut up you dickheads. I burnt myself and y/n is helping me out.” Tom said, still moaning.

“Tom you’re such a baby. Harry we’re no longer best friends anymore.” You stated. Harry laughed as you rolled your eyes.

“Harrison here to save the day with better bacon than Tom’s bacon!” Harrison sang. Tom slapped Harrison’s leg. You laughed excited for how the next few months would turn out because of how eventful this morning already was.

After a very crazy morning and a facetime meeting with your manager you had to go to the table read for the movie you were shooting. Your phone began to ring, it was Harry.

“Hello?”

“Hey, y/n, I’m really sorry Sam and I are still filming right now. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pick you up in time to drop you off at your table read. Can you have one of the boys at home take you?” You began to stress a bit, but you knew that Harry was working on something really important to him.

“Yes of course. Let me know how filming goes later!”

“Thanks so much for understanding. I’ll tell you everything when I pick you up for dinner with my family! Bye, love.” You said goodbye and hung up, also completely forgetting about dinner with the Hollands tonight.

You walked to Harrison’s room and asked, “Hey are you gonna be busy in like the next hour or so?”

“Sorry, y/n, I’m about to meet up with some friends for lunch. What’d you need?” He asked frantically pacing looking for something.

“Oh, Harry can’t take me to my tableread anymore, I need a ride.”

“Hmm, oh found it!” Harrison pulled out a watch from his drawer, “Well Tuwaine is leaving with me, so I’m afraid your only options are Tom or the tube.”

“Really Harrison?” you groaned and he put his hands up in defense, “Ok have fun at lunch.”

You walked over to Tom’s room to see it empty, “He’s outside!” Tuwaine yelled from across Tom’s room. You thanked him and rushed outside to see Tom still shirtless. He was doing push-ups and the toothpaste looked glittery on his right side in the sunlight. His triceps and biceps enlarged every time he pushed his body up.

“You just can’t keep your eyes off me can you, y/n?” He said grunting while finishing his last few reps. You were at a loss for words because he did look really hot at the moment. You blushed and fumbled with your words,

“Oh uh sorry,” He turned and smirked at you, “I need another favor, Harry can’t take me to the tableread and Harrison and Tuwaine are going out for lunch.” He began walking closer to you making your heart skip a beat. What the hell was he doing? “I uh would take myself, but I’ve never driven here before and-” He was inches away from you he reached out and grabbed your shoulder chuckling,

“Alright alright, shut up I’ll take you.” You stared into each other's eyes not breaking eye contact and he reached over to slide the door open wider and he walked past you. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and rolled your eyes, you can’t let him get to you, he has a girlfriend! “We need to go in 45 minutes, thanks, Tom!” you yelled and he held a thumbs up.

“Z, I swear I cannot live in this house. Tom is acting like he’s some fuck boy and I swear he really is trying to pull something and he has a girlfriend! Did you know that?” You were rambling

“Uhmmm maybe…” She said awkwardly.

“Z! What the hell? Both you and Harry didn’t tell me.”

“What? Didn't think you’d care, cause you’re a ‘badddd bitchhh’.” You laughed at her mocking you.

“Fine, you and Harry said the exact same thing, weird… anyways what the hell do I do?” You said with your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you looked through your closet for something decent to wear at the Holland house.

“Well, I think you should just focus on what you're doing right now and focus on your growth. Sis, you just broke up with someone, be free for now. It’s time to focus on you and your work.” Zendaya was right, you needed some time to self evaluate and grow, “But also maybe look super hot tonight at the dinner, you know, take his breath away.” She started laughing.

“Z, no! You just said not to worry about boys and he has a girlfriend…”

“But…” she said, waiting for you to carry on.

“But… ok I’ll dress cute, it’s always fun doing that.” You both laughed and she told you what to wear.

“Ok I’m gonna get ready for the tableread, I’ll text you. Love ya!” You said and she said it back and you guys hung up.

“Y/n can we actually leave in 5 minutes? I want to grab lunch, my treat!” Tom said from down the hall.

“Yeah sure.” You grabbed your purse and a bag with extra clothes. You walked out and ran into Tom with a thump he held your shoulders keeping you steady.

“Oops sorry, love. Was just going to tell you to not forget there’s dinner with my family tonight.”

“Yep, got the extra clothes in here.” You said holding up the bag to show him, he smiled and took his hands off your shoulders to take the bag from you and put it over his shoulder, “I could’ve carried it but thanks, bud.” You patted his shoulder and walked off. Tom’s heart dropped when you called him, “bud.”

Tom pulled up to a small cafe that seemed oddly familiar. As soon as he opened the door for you you remembered.

Tom brought back a tray with two burgers, fries, and waters.

“This place has the best burgers in town. Closest thing we have to in-n-out burgers.” he said handing you the second tray. You told Tom you were starting to feel homesick and said he might know how to cheer you up. You smiled taking a huge bite into the burger, Tom looked at you waiting for your reaction,

“Oh my god. Absolutely amazing!” Your eyes lit up and Tom’s heart jolted at the joy on your face. He continued to watch you eat the burger that was somewhat making you less homesick, “Hey, Holland, it’s rude to stare. Eat your burger before I eat it.” You joked and he laughed while taking a bite. His heart began to race as he debated whether or not he should tell you how he feels, then he thought ‘fuck it’.

“Y/n, darling?” You hummed in response.

Here goes nothing, “I like you, y/n. I have for a while now.”

Your thoughts went back to what Zendaya was saying, “don’t worry about boys right now.” You took a deep breath and moved up in the line with Tom. “Tom is that you?” Someone asked from behind the counter.

“Oh, Ms. Sheila! It’s lovely seeing you again.” He said warmly and she came over to give him a hug.

“It’s been so long, and I see you’ve brought this lovely girl back. Is she your girlfriend now?” You widen your eyes and blush.

“Oh my uh no no. We’re just friends, Ms. Sheila.”

“Isn’t this the girl you confessed your feelings to, dear? Then you never came back after that, well only once and that was still ages ago.”

“Oh, that was a while ago Ms. Sheila. Tom and I are just friends now.” You said before Tom.

“Oh well that’s a shame you two would make a lovely couple. Anywho what can I get for you two today?” She asked as you followed her to her side of the counter.

“Two of the usuals please.” Tom asked. She nodded and brought the order out within 5 minutes.

“Now, Tom, I hope you come back more often. Your brothers still come in every now and then.” Tom smiled and promised Ms. Sheila that he’d come back more.

“How’d she know what your usual is if you haven’t been here in so long?” You asked as you both walked to a booth.

“I’d come here to get breakfast with my family on Saturdays and would usually hang out here with my mates after school. This place is really special to me, I’ve made a lot of memories here.” He said picking at his fries, only making it more obvious what memory he was thinking about. You two ate in silence for a while not knowing what to say because of what went down the last time you were both here.

“Alright, ready to go to set, love?” He asked, you nodded as you finished your last bit of the burger and he ate the last of your fries. You and Tom said goodbye to Ms. Sheila and said you’d come back again soon.

“Thanks, Tom, I owe you big time.” You said looking at him with a smile.

“No problem, but what for?” He asked, glancing at you then back at the road.

“For the meal, taking me to set, and letting me stay at your lovely house.”

“Oh it’s no big deal. You helped me heal my burn,” he paused and cleared his throat, “Uhm b-besides, Harry literally begged me to let you stay, and I’ll be gone next week to film Uncharted. So I’ll uh be out of your hair” He joked and your heart dropped. Harry told you Tom is the one that suggested you stay at their house. Now you sat there confused about who to believe. Regardless you were definitely going to have a chat with Harry about all of this.

Tag list: @averyfosterthoughts @thollandx @mrsjeffwittek @panicattheeverywherekid @racewife2004 @greatpizzascissorstaco @witchything @wheelertozier @runway-to-my-aid

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland series #tom holland x famous! reader #tom holland x actress! reader #tom holland x actor! reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fandom

221 notes · View notes

snarkwriteswrasslin · 4 years ago

Text

summer sizzle | darlin, adam page [m]

[ prompts used ]

** again, one day I’m going to sit down and locate every single list I used to write all these one shots. Credit to the amazing prompt makers on the internet, I love you guys. The plot / the unnamed OC belong to me.**

Kisses Where One Person Is Sitting In The Other’s Lap + heavy making out/dry humping + after an injury - of the emotional sort + chair sex - almost happened but did not + calming the other’s anger with sex + locker room - technically, it’s the bar room set from backstage, but.. We’re making it work darn it. - ( bonus points, kayfabe is real… for the angst.)

[ warnings ]

18+ only. All children, hit the bricks. Go play outside. Something. You know the drill. Swearing, sex - of the unprotected variety, semi public setting, angsty / hurt comfort -if you squint and I did my job right (probably not lmao), biting, body fluids, slight body image issues ( Oc is curvy bc OC here is basically my ass with changes ) and hangman’s anxiety, ftw. Oh yeah, and alcohol is involved here.

[ authors notes ]

Look, I really did like writing this, it was like a self-soothing thing for me. I’m lowkey proud of how this came. Things are gonna end on a bit of a cliffhanger, but... perhaps if people actually like it, I’ll find a way to continue it at some point. I wanted to give it an actual end, but honestly, this worked out better in my opinion... Anyway, yeah. if enough people shout at me to go somewhere with this, i just miiiight?!?

[ pairing ]

Adam Hangman Page x curvy!unnamed ofc, - it’s hinted at throughout.

[ tag squad ]

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@unabashedwrestlefics

@wardl0w

@missjenniferb

@wrestlingthot��

[ tag list doc - if you’re not on there/ haven’t said you wanna be tagged, you’re not tagged, so.. | masterlist | about page ]

D A R L I N’ - ADAM HANGMAN PAGE,

“Did you see where Hangman took off to?” my question was met with a scowl from his former friends. I glared right back at the group of them, arms folded over my chest, my foot tapping against the tiled floor, the soft click of my heels almost matched to the way my heart was about to beat right out of my chest at the moment.

“Does it look like we care?” Kenny started to ask the question but Matt nudged him, a warning look and the shake of his head. The two shared a look and then they both fixed their gaze on me. “Don’t know what good it’ll do, but he’s still down at the bar area. Typical.” Matt muttered the answer to my question quietly and I asked hesitantly,“Is he alone?”

“Yeah. As soon as the interviewer got what she needed and we spoke our piece, we bailed. Are you sure you wanna go down there right now?” Matt questioned and I didn’t bother with a reply, instead I wasted no time in taking off, glad to be out of their way.

“I cannot fucking believe he just stood there and let it happen.” I mutter mostly to myself as I shove open the door to the bar and peek into the room. The shattered mirror caught in the dim lighting above and Adam was sitting there, a bottle of Jack in front of him.

“Adam?” I called out to him, barely raising my voice above a whisper.

“Better if y’ go.” Adam didn’t even bother looking up from the half empty glass in front of him, choosing instead to raise the glass to his lips and finish it off, shaking his head a little as soon as he had.

I stepped into the room, shutting the door behind me and locking it softly. He tensed but he didn’t turn around. His fingers dug against the wooden bartop and he sighed quietly. The sound seemed to hang in the air.

Our eyes finally met in the mirror and when I saw the pain and frustration in his, I bit my lip, a hand raising from my hip to drag through my tall teased hair.

My mouth opened and closed and he gave this bitter and quiet laugh. “If you’re gon’ lecture me right now, don’t.”

“I didn’t come to lecture you. For the record, what you did out there was pretty damn stupid, but honestly… I get it.” I found myself fidgeting under his intent gaze as it roamed my body. I tugged down the clingy black spaghetti strapped dress because of it. The air was getting thicker between us by the second. Rather than stand there and gawk at just how truly beautiful the man is, especially in a semi-darkened room with that angry gleam in his eyes, I fixed my eyes on the bottle of Jack and nodded to it. “Think you can spare some of your drink, cowboy?”

He eyed me, a brow raised. To prove that I was being serious and I had no intention to leave anytime soon, I settled down on the stool beside the one he’d been sitting on. I let the stiletto heeled boots on my feet settle to the floor with a quiet clank and I eyed him, finally reaching for the bottle on my own. As I twisted the cap off and poured the liquid within into both our glasses, I stared at him almost defiantly. Daring him to do anything to try and make me leave.

Rather than argue, he gave a tired flop onto the stool he’d been sitting on before I came in. After a few seconds of both of us drinking in silence, he spoke up.

“Didn’t you have some hot date tonight with a biker?” Adam asked the question through a tightly clenched jaw. He made it quite clear that he’d rather be alone right now, but I chose to ignore that.

The guy needed a friend right now.

,, sure. And this has absolutely nothing to do with your thing for him..” my brain scolded and yes, I chose to ignore that too.

I threw my head back and laughed. “Me? Right.”

“You said so earlier when I was in your chair gettin my hair tended to.” he spoke up again, a brow raised as his eyes met mine. Almost as if he were questioning not only why I was here, but whether he wanted me to stay or not.

“Oh, yeah. I did.” I trailed off, muttering a soft “Fuck.” under my breath. Honestly, when I said it, I hadn’t actually thought he was paying me any kind of attention… Pretty much as usual.

My brow raised as soon as it sank in that he’d heard me and he hadn’t been sitting there with earbuds in. He hadn’t been as absorbed in his phone as I tended to think he always was. Before I had the courage required to ask him about anything else he might have heard me tell Stella Kay, I shoved it out of my head.

So he heard me tonight. Didn’t mean anything other than that. I reminded myself of that too. I shotgunned about half of the drink poured into my own glass and reached for the bottle again, but his hand shot out and he stared me down.

“I say you could come in and help yourself to my Jack?” Adam was still angry, I could hear it seething through in his tone when he spoke. It hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with Adam like this… Hurt and angry and confused, broken like the mirror in front of him.

,, to be fair, he did bring a little of this on himself.” my brain scolded again and again, I ignored it. He may have been going off the rails for the past few weeks, but this chain of events, at least in my eyes, that was all started by friends who teased and ignored him.. Made him feel like less when honestly, he was so much more than the lot of them combined. They may have started to try and change at the end, but by then, it was clearly too late. Adam was lost by that point, drowning in his own misery. And Adam lashed out. Or he started trying to.

“No, but… I’m thirsty, I’m obviously not going out with a biker tonight and I need it. You’re not the only one with problems, you know.” I pouted at him, shaking my wrist free so quickly and easily that it had him blinking a little, and I uncapped the bottle again, pouring myself a little more to top off.

“So I’m selfish on top of everythin’ else. Good to know.” the tone in his voice and the fact that he didn’t even bother meeting my gaze had me sighing and swearing, even rolling my eyes a little in frustration. Every part of me wanted to scream at the guy “No, but obviously you’re fucking blind and a little dense, because I’ve been trying to start conversations and stuff with you for weeks now.. I’ve tried to build you up when they were tearing you down, but you ignored it because it’s not what you wanted to hear.” - but I managed to keep that internal.

I didn’t want to kick him while he was already down. I care far too much about him to do that.

,, and maybe you want to be the one who makes him forget about tonight, even if it’s only a few hours. Says a lot about you.. Mainly how pathetic you are.” my brain was at it again, scolding me for what I wanted. And again, I ignored the noisy scolding thoughts.

Instead, I focused on the glass filled with amber liquid sitting in front of me. Circling my black tipped fingers around it’s edge as I just let my mind sort of wander and hoped to God that it’s wandering came back with some form of game plan beyond the one I’d had coming in here to find him. Because literally all that had been was getting to him. Because it hurts me to see him hurt. He’s a sweet guy. A good guy. ,, A guy you could love if only you weren’t so scared to reveal your feelings.” this time my brain was taunting me. If I never actually do anything about my feelings, I’ll never have the chance to know.

And maybe that internalized taunting was enough to make the remaining shred of any pride I had left snap in two.

“Adam.” I spoke up quietly, snapping my fingers lightly at him to get his attention.

“What?” Adam answered, eyes locked on me and in a daze. I bit my lip and leaned in a little, smoothing a blond curl out of his eyes, letting my hand catch on the side of his face. Catching sight of the two of us in the shattered mirror out of the corner of my eye had me giving a soft smiling laugh and shaking my head.

Just the contrast there, me with my dark crimson lipstick and the little black dress and the dark hair… The curves and yet still somehow inherently plain to look at according to most. The grumpy demeanor most of the time, the dry wit and sarcasm that’s more than once left many an other man eviscerated in public..

Him with the sunny blondish brown hair and the dancing baby blue eyes, the gentle words and rough hands.. The holes in his jeans and the boots on his feet..That big heart and all those good intentions.

My laughter had him raising a brow, of course. I shrugged and raised the bottle to my lips, keeping my eyes locked on him the entire time I did it. I still somehow managed to miss the way he was leaning into me, teeth tugging at his lower lip, eyes darting from mine to the bottle raised to my lips. Until he was reaching out and trying to drunkenly pull me from my stool to his lap. I nearly choked mid-swallow and laughed out, “What the hell are you doing right now? This stool is not gonna hold my thick ass and you, sir.”

“Figured since you keep takin my damn bottle, woman..” Adam managed a weak smile that still somehow managed to completely light up the space we were in. He finally got me settled on his lap and I bit my lip, finding myself hyper-focused on his mouth.. The way his upper lip forms this little almost perfect little v. I must have been too obvious with my staring, because he cleared his throat and nodded to where I’d tossed my red covered cell phone.

Which was now playing Fiona Apple’s Criminal.. Which obviously meant it was ringing, shit, fuck, shit, fuck…

What Adam said next absolutely surprised me. And it proved just how little I knew about how much he might know about me. He chuckled and nodded to the now silent phone and after a second, he took the bottle from my hand and raised it to his own lips again. We were sitting so close by now that we nearly pressed together, despite all earlier voiced objections about my size and the stool being able to hold both of us up.

“Didn’t you sing that song when you were out with Allie one night?”

“I..” I wrinkled my forehead and thought about it, giving a sheepish laugh when I remembered. “Yeah, I did. It sounded like cats dying.”

“Didn’t.” Adam muttered, taking another sip from the bottle, staring me down intently. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, guiding the bottle away from his mouth and towards my own and I took a sip as he tilted the bottle a little to allow me to do so. After I swallowed the bitter liquid, I laughed softly. “I most certainly did, sir.”

“You like t’ argue.” Adam chuckled softly, cocking his head to the side slightly, still staring at me intently. His gaze moved from my eyes down to my mouth and I swallowed hard, licking my lips on instinct.

“I’ve heard that now and again, yeah.” I wiggled around on his lap a little, trying to get a more sturdy seat because I was trying to keep a conservative and safe distance between us, but that was making me nearly fall off his lap.

He sat the bottle down and scooted the stool closer to the bar, putting my back into it. He was inching closer, little by little. “Why?” he asked quietly, his breath warm against my lips, almost brushing against them when he mumbled his question.

“Why what?” I answered his question with one of my own, barely restraining a whimper at the fact that suddenly, I wasn’t sitting on his knees anymore, suddenly I was… So much closer.

Had I moved closer or had he moved me closer? Because I remembered his hands kind of resting at my hip but I’d honestly been so caught up in our back and forth -and the fact that it was actually, ya know, happening, that I didn’t remember him moving me. I pulled away from his face just slightly because our faces were so close that our lips nearly brushed every time one of us said something to the other.

“Why’d you come in here? I know it wasn’t just to drink up all my whiskey. Or maybe it was.” Adam’s usually thick accent was… Much thicker. A slow and easy drawl that had me getting wetter with each word he spoke. When he reached for the bottle again and nearly fell into me, my breath caught in my throat but I held the bottle up and put it behind me, where I thought it would be out of his reach.

And after lightly grabbing at his stubbled jawline and guiding him to look at me, not down or around the empty room, I bit my lip and took several shaky breaths. I swear, I meant to go with an attempt at humor, but the look in his eyes, the raw pain there, I just… Couldn’t.

When my mouth opened, the truth just started to pour out.

“You’re right. I d-didn’t come down h-here to drink all your booze. I don’t even l-like this shit, honestly. I p-prefer Tito’s tequila.” I stopped to breathe because my words were tumbling out and I just needed to figure out a way to put what I knew was going to come pouring out at any second.

But nothing came.

Actions seemed easier. Actions, I was infinitely better at.

Obviously, right?

I was leaning in a little closer, his jaw still in my hands. The kicker here was that he wasn’t backing away like I half thought he would. No… He was leaning in too. His fingertips squeezing into my hips gently were what kind of bought me out of my own head and into the moment again

“If you’re gonna do somethin, do it already, darlin.” Adam’s mouth brushed right.against.mine. Literally right against the corner. And it lingered there just long enough for me to whimper quietly as I slowly exhaled, my breath shaky. My eyes popped open wide and he bit his lip, eyeing my lips and then the bottle with this look in his eyes that made me think he couldn’t decide which he’d rather taste more right now.

And that crazy random thought took hold in my tipsy brain. As he started to back away, afraid he’d crossed a line, I gently grabbed hold of his face, resting a hand against each side, my mouth colliding against his, tongue darting out and tracing the shape of his mouth lazily. His lips fell apart easily and one of his hands left my hips to tangle in my hair, making me pout against his mouth and whine playfully, “Seriously? I just spent thirty minutes on teasing that up..”

“Ya didn’t have to, either.” his tongue was now clashing against mine, colliding and battling for control of the kiss as he continued to drag his fingers through my hair and tug at it a little here and there. I suspect that he may have been doing it just to get a response from me, but I was too caught up in kissing him to give a damn. I wiggled in his lap a little, my legs wrapping around his hips and he sucked in a sharp breath, bucking into me from below.

If I thought his fingers were wound up in my hair before, now he was tugging a little more urgently, his hand on the back of my neck, pulling my mouth into his all over again so deep that I almost didn’t know if I was breathing on my own or he was doing it for me.

It was desperate, needy and yet, somehow it was still gentle and careful. Cautious. Like he wanted to do it for a while now, but he’d finally been presented the chance to do it.

The actions of a man who felt he had absolutely nothing left to lose.

I rubbed myself against him, whimpering into his mouth when I felt the way he strained hard at the blue jeans he wore. His mouth broke from mine to trail down my neck, muttering softly against my skin, teeth hooking in spots and patches and gingerly leaving clumsy little marks.

His other hand wandered down, slipping up the short hem of my little black dress and I nipped at his lip, rubbing myself against his lap even more. His hand crept higher, cupping my core, squeezing and rubbing the flat of his hand against it and sending shivers rushing through me. “Mmm.” his tongue rolled around the edge of my ear, his lips catching on my earlobe as he muttered a quiet, “Stop me if..”

“Now why would I want to do that, hm?” I managed to breathe out the words, rocking myself against the hefty bulge in his jeans and the way he continued to squeeze and rub my aching cunt. I knew he had to feel the way I was dripping, literally flooded already.

The stool gave a foreboding creak and I tensed a little against him. He chuckled and nodded to the half circle bench and the table nearby. “Okay, alright.” he stood up, my body wrapped around him with me clinging to him and my nails lightly digging into his shoulders because me, with the trust issues, has never really… let anyone carry me before… For any reason.

“I’m not gonna drop ya.” Adam stated quietly.

“I know, just… never really let anyone carry me.” I muttered against his neck, my lips latching on a little, daring to leave just a hint of a mark behind. He sucked in a sharp breath and sat me down on the tabletop, stepping between my legs, his hands all over me.

The Jack Daniels sat on the bar across the room, getting warm. Neither of us were worried about it anymore.

He leaned into me a little more -or maybe I was clinging to him still, either way, and his hand was back up the hem of my dress. My head fell back and my eyes fluttered open and closed as I rocked myself against his hand. I gripped hold of his shirt and pulled him into me more, muttering against his mouth, “If you’re going to do something, Adam, do it… Please?”

“You’re sure?” Adam questioned breathlessly, fingertips brushing past my soaked panties, grazing right up and down my center as his mouth dove down, fixing on the front of my throat, leaving a tender little line of marks in the path his lips took down.

“Please?” I begged, my voice raising to a quiet moan that died to a laugh when our foreheads bumped together. He bit his lip and pulled back a little, staring at me for a few seconds that felt like they stretched out into forever. I eyed him right back, my heart kicking up a storm against my ribs, on the verge of nervous fidgeting and suddenly self conscious about every single little thing about me to the extreme.

I was a breath away from slipping off the table he’d sat me on and walking out but just as I got to that point, he seemed to sense it and step forward, looking down at me and then back at the door. “If you’re changin your mind, darlin. There’s the door.”

He was appealing to me one last time. Giving me one last chance to back out. Considering that neither of us have anything to lose, I wasn’t about to take him up on it. I eyed him, a brow raised, clearly confused as to why he kept giving me opportunity after opportunity to leave and then, oh.. Then it hit me.

And I ached for him.

Not just in the physical sense like his touches had driven me to. In the mental sense because I knew exactly where his mind was going right now… I knew it because it was a state my own seemed to stay in when it came to other people and the habit I have of judging myself against them. Often unfairly.

“Oh, Adam.” the words punctured the sliver of space between us softly, his name lingering just a second or two. I raised my hand to his cheek, letting my fingertips move over the sharp outline of his face, making my last stop his lips. As I dragged my index finger over the outline of those very kiss swollen lips, I made an effort to move myself as close to him as I could get, letting my legs circle his waist all over again. My head fell to the right slightly, exposing the left side of my neck.

I wasn’t an idiot, I saw the exact second those baby blue eyes settled hungrily on exposed and unmarked skin. Lowering my fingertip, I finally spoke again.

“If I were going to walk out, I never would’ve bothered coming in here, Hangman.” I took a deep breath that tried to hang in my throat a little at what I was doing and I rose up a little straighter, the hand resting against the side of his neck moving to the back of his head. Fingertips tangling gingerly in soft blondish-brown locks, tugging his mouth closer to mine. Adam leaned down a little, his lips clumsily ghosting along my neck, catching sporadically here and there. “This is really okay.. You.. Want this.” he asked the question quietly, the warmth of his breath and the drawl in his tone sending shivers through me.

I locked eyes with him as he pulled back slightly. “I’m not smashing my knee into your nuts, am I?” I gave a soft laugh at the end so he’d be able to differentiate between my usual grumpy demeanor and gentle teasing. A lot of people can’t where I’m concerned and the way Adam is hurting right now, I want the way I feel to be perfectly crystal clear.

I don’t want him to have a single reason to second-guess or keep stalling. I guess maybe in some ways, I was trying to force him to have to be the one to politely say this had gone too far and he wasn’t interested. Because like he needed to hear me say such a thing, I needed to hear him say it.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone had. I braced myself for him to find some polite excuse to put all this to a grinding halt, but instead, I got a quiet chuckle and Adam leaning in all over again, nearly putting my back flush with the table. When he bucked himself against me, I shivered and my teeth caught on my bottom lip as I stared up at him. His hands roamed up and down my thighs softly, a ginger attempt to push my little black dress upwards to my hips was made. My strap was slipping up top and Adam’s eyes caught on to that face. When his teeth grazed against my skin as they tugged the pesky falling strap completely down, I whimpered, squirming against him, desperate for more friction.

His hands dug into my hips, grinding me against him even more and at feeling the hefty bulge formed and straining against his jeans, I found myself whimpering even more, breathless, desperately arching my body and rubbing against him harder and faster. His grip on my body tightened and he bucked right back against me, his mouth moving over each of my collarbones and then right back up the front of my throat again. One of his hands slipped down to the exposed thin waistband of my underwear and with a careful tug, those were being torn away, tossed out onto the floor.

As soon as it hit me that he wasn’t backing down or bowing out either, I reached up, pulling the front of his shirt apart, tugging it down his arms. It hit the floor beside my panties and as my lips latched onto his neck all over again, my hands dropped between us, going for the belt buckle at his waist. The soft clink of the metal buckle as I pulled it open echoed when it hit against the button below it. With slightly shaking fingers, I worked the button free and then the zipper. Adam’s mouth dug deeper against the breast he’d managed to expose a few minutes before and my head fell back, a sharp and prolonged whimper filling the air as soon as his jeans settled around his ankles and he was scooting me towards him on the table, his cock grazing right between both my dripping folds and sending a shiver of pleasure racing through my entire body.

“Wish we didn’t have t’ hurry, darlin.” he drawled as his tongue circled my nipple, teeth scraping at it, tugging until it stood at a point. I was clinging to him by now, my arms around his neck, fingers buried in his hair. I met his gaze and swallowed hard, nodding.

Every part of me wanted to make some clever remark about a next time, but at the same time, every part of me didn’t dare because I knew this might just be happening due to the alcohol and Adam’s current emotional state and my own feelings about him.

I desperately wanted to believe there would be a next time. God did I want to. But I was realistic enough to know that there most likely wouldn’t be. And in that moment, I decided to just find some way to be okay with that.

“Darlin?” he’d pulled away, he was studying me with a concerned look. I distracted myself with running my fingers over the outline of his muscular chest because I was mostly afraid if I looked up at him right now, I would wind up making this deeper and more emotional than it had to be.

But then he was raising a hand, tilting up my chin and making me look at him. He repeated himself a third time. “You’re sure…” his voice trailed off and he tensed a little, I could feel it because he was still holding me close to him as he could get me. I smiled and nodded, my fingers digging into his hair again, pulling his mouth back down to mine. “I’m absolutely sure. I want you. So much.”

And I meant every single word when I said it.

My answer seemed to satisfy him and I rubbed myself against him a little more impatiently, urgently. “Please, Adam?”

“Fuck.” he gasped against my skin as he started to buck against me, the tip of his cock sinking into my cunt, making a moan bubble up from the depths of my throat as I dug in my fingertips just a little, adjusting to the size of him. He captured my mouth in a desperate and deep kiss and sank his cock in a little more, his fingertips digging into my hips as he pumped himself in and out, quietly groaning, growling my name, nipping at the side of my neck.

“Feels so good, darlin. Hope,” his voice was drowned out by my needy whines and whimpering as he started to fuck into me deeper and a little faster, his cock strking against my spot and making me curl my toes against his ass just to get any kind of actual grip on anything and maybe alleviate the ache and desperate need for more friction. “You hope what?’ I asked the question softly, my words ripped from me in breathy gasps as his hips snapped against mine, burying himself even deeper inside with each thrust of his cock.

“Hope I’m makin you feel good too.” he took a few seconds to say it. I took his face in my hands, our mouths colliding as I used my heels to drive him in even deeper, my back arching as I focused on kissing him until neither of us could breathe. As the kiss broke and we pulled our mouths apart to catch our breath, I muttered against his ear, “So amazing, Adam.” to answer his question. “Don’t fucking stop baby, please.” I urged him to keep going, harder and faster, and he obliged, picking up the pace with each time my heels dug into his ass. “Ugh, Adam, fuck.. You’re so fuckin big.” I moaned out at one point, a little louder than I meant to. Adam was quick to lean in, his mouth meeting mine again, swallowing up my loud moans and swearing in ecstasy as he chuckled against it, his own grunts and quiet needy groans being swallowed by me when I deepened the kiss and rubbed my body against his over and over again just because I love the way it felt… Softness against hardened muscles.

“Darlin, fuck.” he moaned out at one point and I whimpered in response, “Adam, don’t… Fuck, don’t stop. Right there.” as my head fell back and my fingers toyed with his hair and dug into his shoulders even more. He was really slamming into me at this point, the booth top I sat on creaking quietly, making me tense a little when I first noticed it.

Adam slowed slightly when he noticed me tense up at a particularly loud creak from the table, a quiet chuckle against the shell of my ear. “Stop doin that.”

“I can’t help that this table sounds like it’s on it’s last legs, Adam.” I answered, nipping at his bottom lip.

“Trust me, darlin. I’m not gonna let you hit the ground.” Adam muttered as his lips locked on my upper lip, sucking. He started to slam into me all over again, erratically, faster and so much harder. When he scooted me even closer to the table’s edge, I caught myself making a surprisingly minimal effort not to tense up.

To do as he asked and trust him not to drop me. It surprised me that trusting him was a lot easier than I thought. He chuckled as he held me up, a leg over each arm, continuing to plow into me with erratic hip snaps met by my own erratic thrusts in response. My breath kept catching in my throat and every single time I thought I’d be able to breathe again, he’d manage to bottom out, his cock striking against my spot a time or two and sending me even closer to an orgasm so intense that I ached to let go.

“I’m so close.” he growled against my ear while staring into my eyes. I clung to him desperately, rocking my hips greedily against the deep drives in and out that his cock made, my stomach tensing a little more with each second closer I got to my orgasm finally shattering me. “Fuck this feels so good.. Ahh.” I moaned out as my head fell back and Adam sat me halfway onto the table’s edge again, tilting my hips and letting my wrap my legs back around his waist, his hands pumping my body up and down on his cock, his fingertips leaving red marks against my skin as they dug in harder. His cock bottomed out and I felt myself starting to shake, my body tensing as I fought to keep from getting off.

“Let go. C’mon, darlin.” Adam grunted lazily against my mouth as he went in for another kiss, his breathy groan swallowed by my mouth when I returned the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers going to his hair, tugging at it lightly. He didn’t need to repeat himself, with another deep drive into my dripping cunt, my orgasm was shattering through, leaving me breathless and clinging to him, my teeth grazing against his collarbone as I rested my head against his shoulder and continued to fuck through my orgasm while pulling myself together….

#adam page #adam hangman page #adam hangman page fanficiton #adam hangman page oneshot #adam hangman page one shot #adam hangman page fanfic #adam hangman page fic #adam hangman page imagine #// no one under 18+#// mentions of alcohol #// unprotected s*x #// another one I'm lowkey proud of but afraid it's going to flop hard.

52 notes · View notes

dispatched-a · 4 years ago

Text

——— BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME! ♡ lou

PRONOUNS! ♡ he / they

ZODIAC SIGN! ♡ virgo moon, taurus moon, leo rising.

TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡ single 😼

——— THREE FACTS! ♡

1! ♡ i am SUPER into making lists. i don’t know if it’s because i’m autistic, have ADHD, or because i’m a virgo – probably all three? – but i literally love making lists and spreadsheets. i also love organizing and sorting stuff. i will find a reason to make a list for literally just about anything. right now, i’m working on tackling this list of the shows i want to watch.

2! ♡ i can make my tongue form into a clover (three-sided) which is probably gross and i won’t embed a picture here, but showing it off has gotten me past at least 2 different forms of hazing so i feel like it’s worth mentioning at the very least.

3! ♡ most of you likely know that one of my special interests is history, specifically working class interpretations/tellings of history. i’m always looking to learn and educate myself more, but i can spew off a bunch of obscure facts about most points of american history which is... a lot. i spent 3 years in uni for history and almost got my certificate in queer studies before i dropped out and i might change my course of study now that i’m back in uni, but i now consequently own an obscene amount of books on imperial america. i may not shut up if asked about post/911 history or anything having to do with the bush presidency, or the war in vietnam/cambodia/laos. i’m sorry to anyone whose dm’s ive unleashed in before, lmfao. because of all of this, i feel like i enjoy writing essays and am better at academic writing than prose, which gives me a complex about my prose being too dry and not poetic enough so, fun times.

——— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡ at the moment, i use tumblr and discord, and i sparsely use dreamwidth. before, i’ve used facebook and livejournal, and occasionally youtube, which is how i got into roleplay about 10 years ago.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER! ♡ i’ve always gravitated toward writing men and i was not self-aware enough to know my discomfort in writing women has always had to do with projecting my personal Butch Gender Envy and my own discomfort with societal notions of womanhood – however, now i can write any gender. at this point, i tend to be drawn toward nb/trans muses.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S)! ♡ i don’t HATE any faces i guess, but i dislike fc’s that are super popular or obviously the very problematic ones. the rpc tends to cycle through a favorite face 1-2 times a year. like semi-related, i guess, but: never forget the 2016-2017 e/iza g/onzales fixation, and the amber heard fixation that i feel like only recently ended but began circa 2012. and yes, ive been on this website for WAY too long.

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡ i’m fine with interacting with either! for myself, i have frank and a multi-muse, which is how i tend to operate. i cannot operate more than 1-2 blogs at once, especially single muse blogs.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡

FLUFF: i love fluff! but it’s not all i enjoy. a big issue i’ve had is constantly perpetuating slice-of-life content with little plot. i love slice-of-life and fluff a whole lot but i need plot and dynamic building to back it up (more so dynamics, as i care more about character relationships than plot, usually, but point stil applies). i feel like a lot of people misconceive frank to be an overly soft, fluffy person – which frank definitely can be, but i’m kind of uncomfortable with the way he’s constantly written in fanfic to be a mindlessly loyal himbo (namely to karen bc k.astle fans are Like That) and the way his old-fashioned (and subsequently hypermasculine and condescending lmfao) nature is constantly lauded instead of questioned. he's not a great person lmao. also, i feel like this plays into people writing and portraying frank as straight in so much of the fic i read, which i dislike.

ANGST: i LOVE angst, but i don’t like trauma/torture porn. i like angst when it also props up plot and dynamics, but trauma porn? hate it. i feel like an issue that i have with angsty plots is that it tends to occasionally turn into a dynamic revolving my muse taking care of another person’s, or vice-versa (which ive ... tried to work, but still, i can be guilty of it!). i also specifically fucking hate (usually very graphic) immediate post-sexual assault/rape plots that have no basis in canon, which is such a specific thing to rip on but i’ve seen it more than once lmao and it makes me so uncomfortable. please stop torturing your muses for no reason. i feel like i’ve worked on doing that myself, and yes i am aware that the punisher is the hugest example of an edgelord, but uh.... please, i’m begging.

SMUT: ii feel like i enjoy writing smut but not just for smut’s sake. not too into pwp, but sometimes i can be. like what i’ve said about fluff and angst, it just depends!

PLOT / MEMES! ♡ i LOVE both. i feel like memes at this point work better than starters for me. i also enjoy plotting a lot, which for me includes going back and forth about our muses, sending quotes/pictures/etc as inspo, etc. i enjoy that a lot about writing and it’s a huge reason why i love roleplaying - i just love collaborative storytelling. i have a very bad habit of dropping dm’s because my executive dysfunction is Bad and also i can get easily overwhelmed if too many people talk to me but just know i love both.

tagged by : @vylingas thank you ♡ tagging : @transforms, @bulletballet, @hammurabicomplex, @streetknown, @errorware, anyone who wants to do it!

#OUT.#this fun little post really did just turn into a long rambly post full of complaining huh #... anyways

6 notes · View notes

hufflautia · 4 years ago

Note

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them. my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help.

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

13 notes · View notes

visforvengeance · 5 years ago

Text

Exit music (for a film)

ＢｉｌｌｙＨａｒｇｒｏｖｅ

Requested by: no one ;)

Notes: hello. here is something i’ve been working on since s3. it was originally called we hope that you choke. but i changed it literally 3 minutes ago. it’s going to be in chapters bc i couldn’t figure out how to write everything without making it an 8,000 word fic😬. the upside down doesn’t exist in this. el doesn’t have powers. ahem hopper and billie don’t die. i thought this song would fit perfectly with billy considering his dad is pretty shit. i’m procrastinating on wdywmts. i’m so sorry. i have a justin foley fic. do y’all want that shit?

Warnings: none in this chapter. i mean cursing? and vulgar language. steve being a dick. billy is maybe out of character. slight mentions of death and daddy issues.

word count: 2,072

Y/n’s POV

“Have you seen the new kid? He’s so hot! Ugh! Look at that hair!” My friend, Genesis, gushed as he walked by. He was hot, but he looked like trouble. And it was annoying how every girl swooned over him. Looks like Steve Harrington has some competition this year. “Gen, don’t you have a boyfriend?” I questioned. She rolled her green eyes and scoffed. “Alex and I are on a break, thank you very much.” I laughed at her faux annoyance.

I closed my locker door and leaned against it. “He isn’t even that hot. He’s already flirting with girls and it’s literally his first day.” Genesis hit my arm. “Can you blame him? Look at him. God, his chest is so mint! I’d give anything to get a piece of that.” I shook my head at how much my friend was thirsting over him. “Jesus, Gen. Can you keep it in your pants? You don’t even know his name.” She smirked and looked at me. “Billy Hargrove.” God, even his name sounded like he’d be a womanizer.

“I’m not even going to ask how you know that. And keep your dirty comments to yourself, Genesis.” The red-haired girl slammed her locker shut. And we began walking to first period. “Oh, don’t be such a prude, Y/N! Ever since you broke up with Steve, you’ve been a complete betty!” I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “No, I haven’t! I just don’t care for boys anymore. They’re stupid and gross.”

“Yeah, since you got your heart broken. Come on! It’s time to show him what he’s missing. Have you seen your body recently? Boys have been tripping over their feet staring at you. You just won’t give them the time of day.” Blah blah blah. She just had to bring up repressed memories of a certain tragedy.

Steve had called me over to attend the end of the year party he was having. His parents weren’t home, so he had a shit ton of alcohol for everyone. When I entered the door, I was greeted by loud music and drunken teens. I wove my way through the crowd and stood by Steve. He’d noticed me and pecked my cheek, “Hey, babe. You made it.” He sounded surprised. “I mean, yeah? Why do you sound so surprised?” He was a little drunk, so he tripped over his words a bit.

“U-usually you never come. Too busy doing your homework or whatever excuse you tell me.” Tommy H. appeared and forced his way into the conversation. “Nah, she’s too busy being a prude. Are you a virgin, Y/N? Steve usually tells me about all the girls he’s fucked, but you? He’s never even mentioned.” Before I had a chance to defend myself, Carol butted in.

“No way she’s a virgin. I heard she had a thing going on with that creep, Johnathan Byers. How’d you take it, Y/N? In the ass? Or did he pop your sweet cherry?” Steve laughed as Tommy and Carol taunted me. I scoffed. “None of your business, dipshits. And seriously, Steve? I’ve been to every one of your stupid parties. You just choose to ignore me. Like you do in school, you cast me aside. Am I not popular enough for you? Is that it? Or are you too busy ogling Nancy Wheeler?” His face scrunched in confusion. “Woah, woah, woah. Are you okay? You’re going a bit psycho. It’s not my fault no one likes you.” I scoffed at Steve’s drunken words. Of course, he’d say something like this.

The next day, Steve found out about what he had said. He tried to explain why he said what he said, but never said he was sorry and that it wasn’t true. I broke it off with him.

I shook my head, pushing the thoughts out of my mind. “I’d rather not. And what makes you think he’d go for me anyway? I don’t seem like his type.” Genesis filled the halls with laughter. “He’s been staring at you since he walked into the classroom. And not to mention, he’s coming over to you now!” What? I turned to his direction and followed until he was standing next to the desk beside me.

“Is this seat taken?” I think I underestimated his attractiveness. He was insanely hot. “U-uh no.” I stuttered out an answer. He nodded and smirked. It was science class and my partner had moved to another state. You know what that means? He’ll most likely be my partner. I don’t think I'm stable enough to handle this.

The next 60 minutes were filled with uninterested and forced conversations about physics and whether I was single or not. Thank god for the bell. Before Billy could say another thing, I rushed out of the classroom and stood by my locker, waiting for Genesis. She looked annoyed as she approached me. “Why the hell did you run off? He was obviously into you.”

I rolled my eyes as she lectured me about the blue-eyed boy’s interest in me. “I don’t want to be the first of girls who he has fucked over. I’ve had enough of that with Steve.” She frowned at my tragic outburst. “You never know! He might be different. Looks CAN be deceiving, Y/N. You have to give him a chance. It’s my dying wish!” Genesis dramatically placed her hands on her heart and head. When I deadpanned, she straightened her posture. “Come on. You don’t even have to go all the way. Just be nice to him.”

I sighed an exasperated sigh. “Fine. Fine! I’ll be nice to him. But as soon as he shows signs that he’s up to no good, I am dropping it.” Genesis excitedly jumped up and down, trapping me in a hug. “Yes! That’s all I’m asking. I just know you won’t regret it.” She declared as she wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

Billy had shown up in my next class, and also decided to take a seat next to me. Causing a student to angrily walk to the back of the class, while she shot daggers at me as we talked. He looked at me and smiled. While the teacher taught, he started talking to me. “Hey.” Remembering what Genesis said, I turned and smiled at him. “Hi.” His eyes displayed shock, but his body remained cool. “So, you’re talking to me now?” I laughed and nodded. “I’m glad I didn’t give up on you, then.” “Hm, I’m glad too.”

We talked for majority of second period. He was quite interesting and he had a gorgeous smile. I learned that he came from California and had a sister. He made it his job to walk me to my locker and carry on the conversation we had for three periods now. As we were walking, Genesis’ ginger curls came into view as did my locker. She saw us and her eyes went wide with surprise.

I introduced the two people as I opened my locker. “Billy, this is my best friend, Genesis. Genesis, this is my new friend, Billy.” He turned to Gen and greeted her by taking her hand and placing a chaste kiss on the back of it. “Pleasure to meet you, Genesis.” My friend was astonished, as she bowed. “The pleasure is all mine.” I rolled my eyes in annoyment as Genesis continued to be dramatic.

It was now time for lunch and Billy joined us at our table. While we walked, I felt Steve’s eyes on us. Jealousy painted the features that I once adored. I returned my attention back to the two people who were happily chatting about god knows what. “So, Billy. Are you dating anyone?’ Genesis stated as she nudged my knee with her own. I nearly choked at the question as I looked at her. Thank god he didn’t notice my slight panic and carried on with his answer.

“No, not at the moment.” He chuckled at the question. “Interesting. Neither is Y/N.” I felt hot all over as Genesis exposed my relationship status to a person I barely knew. Now, Billy was full-on laughing while I sat in complete embarrassment. “Yes, and it’ll stay that way until further notice,” I said while I kicked the girl’s knee. She winced in pain and decided to back down, for now. Billy’s face faltered in disappointment. But he quickly replaced it with amusement.

“What a bummer, then.” He smiles almost sadly. “Yes. A complete bummer. I’ve been trying to get her to come out of her shell, but Steve really fucked it up for her.” Genesis said, angrily. He pulled a confused look. “Steve Harrington?” He asked. Genesis and I exchanged a look. “Yeah, you know him?” He nodded while taking a sip of his chocolate milk.

“He’s in my gym class. Real asshat, that guy. What happened between you two?” He asked, curiously. Genesis looked at me, expectantly. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “He was just a dick. He always placed his popularity and shithead friends above me.” Billy shook his head in disbelief and slight anger. “He didn’t deserve you.” Genesis perked up at that. “I’ve been saying that for centuries.” I zoned out as they both shared a common ground on how I deserved better.

Lunch was over and we had to go to fourth period. Genesis and I had gym, so Billy didn’t tag along with us. “So, he seems like absolute boyfriend material.” I shook my head. “You’re really pushing for us to date, huh?” Genesis turned to me after stretching her legs. “Uh, yes? You guys would make the perfect couple. He gives me bad boy/protective boyfriend vibes. Potential daddy issues with unconditional love for his girlfriend? Ah-mazing!”

He seemed really sweet and he was definitely the cutest. His hair seems so soft, and don’t even get me started on his smile. It makes hearts generate above my head! And his body, dear god. It seems so perfect. I’d give anything to feel his abs against my-

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Genesis nearly screamed at me. “What? No, I’m not.” She squinted at me, not believing a word I said. ‘Date. Him.’ She mouthed at me. I shook my head and turned to pay attention to my teacher’s directions.

The school day was over and I was so relieved. Gen’s dad picked her up early, so I was alone for the rest of class. I was putting my things in my locker when Billy approached me. “Did you miss me?” He asked, jokingly. I laughed and closed my locker. “I just about died without you.” I said as I placed my hand on my chest, dramatically. A slight blush creeped up on his cheeks.

He cleared his throat and regained his composure. “Are you doing anything after school?” He asked. I thought about it for a second and shook my head. “Nope. I planned I’m going straight home. Why?” He held the door open for me as we walked outside. “I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hangout?”

I giggled at his uncertainty. “Yeah, i'd like that. We could probably go to the park? And just sit in your car and talk.” He seemed so happy that I agreed. “Ok. Sounds like a plan.”

We arrived at the park and he turned his car off. I turned so I was facing him. “So. Tell me about yourself. How old is your sister?” “She’s actually my stepsister. But she’s 14. My mom died when I was 8.” I grabbed his hand and apologized. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry. That must’ve been hard to deal with.” He looked at our hands and then up at me. I released his hand and placed mine back in my lap. “It was. My dad...he’s really shitty.” Daddy issues? Wow, is my best friend God?

“Sounds fucked up. I’m sorry, again. Do you miss California?” He nodded. “A lot. But I think I’ll like it better here.” He smirked. My eyes went wide for a second and then back to normal. This boy is going to kill me.

“You know. You’re actually not so bad. I think I might take a chance on you.” He leaned back in his seat. “God, I sure hope so. You seem like a doll.” I laughed at his confidence. “Thanks, I guess.”

260 notes · View notes

xianglingslesbian · 4 years ago

Note

way of kings, Satsuki’s moving castle (👀), Daiki’s basketball (👀👀), oh no he’s hot, and unstoppable force/immovable object pls

ah hihi! ty for the ask!! <3 this got very long so i am putting it under a cut

the way of kings

this is basically just a knb stormlight au lmaooo. i actually dont have much yet its just a vague outline and the main character placements. i also have to work out a LOT of stuff bc. heralds. i’ll list the placements i have for now!!

kaladin - hyuuga OR aomine i really cannot decide smh. EDIT HOLY SHIT MIDORIMA IS THE PERFECT KALADIN

adolin - kise bc you cant tell me that ‘“fight me!” adolin said’ isn’t PEAK kise energy

shallan - .......izuki. puns? puns. also yay for shared insecurity complexes and refusal to address their own mental health

dalinar - kasamatsucchi <3 he has the eyebrows and the blue uniform don’t @ me

jasnah - uhh araki, solely because i didn’t wanna change au!jasnah’s gender. otherwise 100% would have been midorima

sadeas - imayoshit :) everyone flip off the manipulative bastard

renarin - kurokooooo!! okay but the idea of a person construed as weak finding their own way in the world is really similar b/w these two

sylphrena - momoi <333 syl rlly do have momoi energy tbh

i do have a couple more placements BUT idk where ur at in the series and it could be a potential spoiler so i’m gonna shut up now. tagging @serenesavagery bc i think she’d like this ily saori

satsuki’s moving castle

ok here’s an AU i actually have shit planned out for (and some chapters written) lmaooo it’s a momoi/riko howl AU!! riko = sophie + momoi = howl is rlly fun to write lol. also aomine is calcifer bc let’s be real that tiny fire demon was basically just demon!aomine. the chapter titles in this one are gold tbh i’m really proud of them -- examples are, “Do YOU Want A Charming Stranger To Sweep You Off Your Feet? [Not Clickbait]” and “Riko Aida Presents - Being Old Sucks, Part 1/? (Also, There's A Demon But That’s Not Important)”.

tiny snippet:

Riko could feel the stirrings of heat in her cheeks as Satsuki pressed against her, arm laying on her hand.

“Let me,” she said sweetly. Dazed, Riko did so, moving aside so Satsuki had better access to the food.

“Hand me a couple of eggs and some more bacon, please,” Satsuki instructed. Riko complied, doing her best to keep her composure. This was the wicked wizard Satsuki, not just any pretty girl - she had to be on her guard.

Satsuki cooked much the same way Riko did, planting a few doubts in the now-aged girl’s mind. Eggshells in the eggs, blackened bacon… perhaps her cooking really was bad.

Then again, from what she’d seen of Junpei, he did have a tendency to exaggerate.

“no its totally not gay for a girl to cook over your shoulder what do you mean” - aida riko, circa 1920 (approx. when this is set bc it follows the ghibli movie)

daiki’s basketball

yes its an aomine-kuroko roleswap yes i like torturing myself because it comes w/the bonus of inflicting this upon my readers. it’s my first multichapter, and like ewbts it’s also half posted and then i realised how shittily i’d written it so i started rewriting smh. the only redeemable bit about v1 is the summary bc it’s good for my summary standards:

tetsu had changed. tetsu was no longer his partner. but daiki saw that same spark in kagami, and even if he wasn’t one for sappy romantic stuff like tetsu, maybe this time… maybe this time the light he picked would stay with him.

im not crying you are

a small snippet:

“Well, you like painting. Maybe paint a basketball on the school wall or something?” Satsuki suggested absently, still looking at the giant chocolate fountain. It couldn’t hurt to go in and try it, right?

“Thanks, Satsuki.” Daiki’s voice had a sudden spark to it, and Satsuki’s eyes shot wide as she realised what she’d said.

“No - Dai, wait! You can’t-” But he’d already cut the call.

Oh, God save Satsuki Momoi.

(yes. he did actually. paint the fucking school wall. god save momoi indeed)

oh no he’s hot

this is an older idea but one i still love tbh! i have to work around the setting bc i wanna set it in not-america 😂 i have a summary written up which describes it well so i will plug it:

Everything was in place. Zuko would have adopted Izumi by this time tomorrow; would have met the demands of his company; would be a father, the best one that he could. He had to admit he was a little more than excited - it’s not every day that you get to be a father, and especially not to a firecracker like Izumi. Now, if only Izumi’s social worker weren’t this attractive… and if only he weren’t the same man that Zuko had been absolutely, abominably horrible to the previous week.

its a zukka modern AU in which zuko is running his dad’s company after ousting ozai, and the board pressures him to get an heir. ace gay bean zuko decides he’ll adopt instead. also azula/katara subplot with katara being an intern at azula’s hospital (NOT in charge of azula tho bc that can lead to some weird power dynamics). highkey slowburn romance tbh. zukka hate each other for only a bit, but the friendzoning is unreal lmao

immovable object meets unstoppable force

this is a set of legend of korra rewrite oneshots! basically im trying to fix all the colorism, sexism and other issues + give a better rep to korrasami bc lbr we deserved more development. also side character rights <3

i actually have posted one fic of it here so i suppose this counts as a snippet? its pema/lin hahaha yay for lesbians

thank you so much for this ask i just really ran away with it i get excited talking about my projects and wow now i have fuel for daiki’s basketball again so that might just be the one i finish soonest <3

#knb #atla #lok #ceru writes #answered #wips #edit: why the fuck did it paste the body twice fuck you tumblr #shin #food tw

7 notes · View notes

bookbingingproblem · 4 years ago

Text

There is a tragic lack of information and blogs on Agender and identities, specifically null gender, that fall under the Agender umbrella so I've decided to compile all the stuff I've found that helped me out

Agender is considered the same as/synonymous to terms like genderblank, genderfree, genderless, gendervoid, non-gendered, ungendered, and null gender

Neutrois, genderless, null gender and neutral gender are used interchangeably, but are sometimes differentiated by the emphasis of lacking or having neutral gender.

E.g. Null gender / Genderless are similar, but are unlike Neutrois/Neutral gender because the definitions strongly lean towards lacking gender completely

E.g. Neutrois / Neutral gender are considered interchangable, but are different from Null/genderless because their definitions strong implications of having a neutral gender (usually somewhere between, or off the spectrum of boy and girl) Neutrois gender wiki link

!! important !! These labels are used casually by those under the agender label!!! So if you feel neutral but like a term emphasizing the lack of gender go for it! it's up to you!! Try it out!!! Pick what's comfortable!! Trust your gut!!

Null gender

(Coined by dieselwolfe) (?)

All have links to the 3 wiki's/websites I was able find information in..

"... feels their gender does not include aspects of being a male or aspects of being a female. There is sometimes a strong emphasis on the rejection of gender stereotypes concerning behavior and traits. Null-Gendered people sometimes like to just describe their gender as being just me implying an emphasis on the fact that specific gender categorizations are unneccesary considering the complexity of people and their behaviors."

"It may also be associated with genderlessness, and shares many similarities with agender - people who consider themselves neutrally gendered or genderless, but some may identify as both..." (Definition also applied to Neutrois)

"An I don’t want a label because labels don’t fit but they help shut people up sometimes, so here have a label' gender label." (under tab 'Lists of kinds of Agender identities")

Agender/Null gender Experience

Here is a link to a Reddit of people talking about their experiences and getting philosophical about gender.

(mentions gender presentation vs. gender identity, misogyny, and the pointlessness of boy/girl classification)

Quotes from the reddit that are possibly relevant about being Agender and the Gender journey:

"Basically, it's a preference. If someone feels the need to identify themselves as agender, then they're agender." - reddit user

"He says that having no strong perception of one's gender is just a 'symptom' of being cisgender, i.e., only people who are born into the wrong gender develop a strong perception of their gender

My wife is cis and feels strongly feminine. Tada: counterexample, disproven.

Honestly, I think there's a semi-easy answer to the overall question. Imagine that you wake up tomorrow and your body has changed gender. What's your first thought?" - reddit user

"I'm more of a masculine person, but I feel uncomfortable when I'm implicated as a man, or when I have to choose between "male" or "female" (I know that I am certainly not female, as well), or when I'm cornered into calling myself a man.

To me, it all just seems arbitrary. I don't really have a stake in being male, or being female, or being any gender, really, so I decided that perhaps I could best describe myself as agender and leave it at that." - reddit user

!! Reminder !! Just because you may not resonate with these folk's perspective 100% does not mean you do not got fit with the label!!! This is just to give perspective, don't stress over comparing your experience to theirs!!! Trust yourself!!!

A quick Thank you to @raavenb2619, and every other gender questioning blog, for their questioning-agender tag! The tag helped me find these resources which helped me grow comfortable with this label!!

Idk if I'm completely comfortable with this one yet, but thank you for giving me the chance to find out.

Please tell me if anything needs to be fixed or corrected!! If you need to talk DM me bc I'm also trying to figure myself out and would love to talk!

#long post #gnc #gender neutrality #null gender #nonbinary #nondysphoric #agender #lgbtq+#questioning lgbt #Neutrois #genderless #gender null #trans info #trans resources #nonbinary resouces #nonbinary info

7 notes · View notes

nonbinaryresource · 5 years ago

Note

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

28 notes · View notes