#i want to be normal. i want to have relationships like anyone. i don't want this shit

[24hlevi]

not sure which characters u write about for arcane!! but if you do male characters, could be anyone of your choice where they don’t get the hint you like them or want to take their relationship further (depends if u wanna do sfw or nsfw!!) :) tyyy!

for male characters i write for jayce, viktor, ekko, and silco! thank you for requesting 🫶

— TAKE A HINT

viktor (arcane) x gn!reader

warnings/tags: oblivious!viktor, confessions, fluff, sfw

you thought you were going mildly insane, having a crush on your friend as his second partner to jayce

to be fair, you kinda were, judging how no matter what you did in attempt to give hints just led nowhere

you tried talking to jayce on a few occasions, trying to get some advice on what to do, but he wasn't much help with relationship stuff as he claimed

you tried over and over again to get viktor to notice you more than just a friend, and every time, he couldn't tell

"hey," you say softly, slowly approaching viktor from behind with a hot cup of tea in your hands.

viktor turns his head as soon as he hears your voice draw him out of his work, and a small smile grows on his face. "good evening, yn," he replies.

"i brought you some tea," you set the cup down carefully next to his papers that were scattered along the table. "have you ate anything yet?"

"thank you," viktor responds, his eyes following your hand as you set the cup down. "i have not," he then shakes his head. "jayce tried asking earlier, but i wasn't quite hungry."

"would you like me to try and make you something?" you ask, looking down at him as you fiddle with your hands anxiously.

"mm," he hums, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "i would prefer your presence here with me. if you don't mind, that is."

"i don't mind," you shake your head, trying to fight the smile forming on your face. "just tell me what you'd like me to do."

"nothing," viktor answers, having you look at him with confusion. "you don't have to do anything, precisely. just your presence is enough."

"oh...okay,"

you still couldn't figure out how to get viktor to realize you had feelings for him, you couldn't believe how oblivious he was

after years of liking the male, he didn't ever seem to appear like he reciprocated those feelings, making you slowly give up as time went by

it wasn't until one early morning, that it all finally fell into place

viktor slowly made his way to the lab. it was early morning, the sun hardly peeking out from over the horizon as he hobbled through the hallway. this morning, he was already thrown a bit off his rocker. for he hadn't seen you yet since he woke up. normally, you would be awake and moving before him and jayce, so it was odd to not see you around as he walked down the hall.

entering the lab, viktor turns on the lights, and then stops in his spot. there you were. your body slouched against the table with papers messily filled with calculations that viktor was doing the day prior, seemingly asleep. slowly, he approaches you and stands behind you, silently looking at you. the sun is shining against your face, and viktor comes to the realization that he never paid attention to how much he liked looking at you. you looked so peaceful like this, and he felt an odd sensation in his chest as he peered down at you.

suddenly, you start stirring around, slowly opening your eyes to see viktor standing above you. "mm? viktor?" you groggily mumble.

seeing you wake up, viktor, as fast as he can, takes a few steps back, his face turning red at possibly being caught. "s-sorry," he stutters.

your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. did he just stutter? you rub your eyes with your hands before blinking a few times to look at him clearer. was he...staring at you while you were asleep? while this would be extremely creepy if it were anyone else, you couldn't help but feel somewhat flattered by his reaction. you take a look around and realize you're in the lab. "oh gosh, i can't believe i fell asleep in here," you drag your hands across your face. "i'm sorry, viktor. i was trying to finish what you were doing yesterday."

"it is alright," viktor says after taking a moment to calm his heartbeat from jumping out of his chest. he then realizes what you said, and his face contorts into confusion, looking at the papers on the table. "you didn't have to. i would have figured it out by this week i'm sure."

"i just wanted to help more," you admit with a short sigh. "ever since you and jayce started this new development for hextech...i feel like i've fallen behind." you look down at all the papers in front of you in shame that you still couldn't figure it out.

viktor's expression changes again, no longer confused but a soft look as he notices the tone in your voice change. you sound almost defeated, clearly upset about this. hesitantly, he places a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up at him. "it is okay, yn," he starts, his tone soft like his expression on his face. "you being here is enough for me. you do not need to prove yourself, for i already know how smart you are. do not worry of hextech if you fear you are falling behind. i appreciate your presence more than anything else."

looking up at him, you slowly nod your head and stand from your seat. you don't know what to say, but thankfully for you, viktor continues speaking.

"i have noticed some...changes in my thoughts recently," he says slowly, as if he were choosing his words carefully. "while they are primarily filled with ideas of hextech and how we could evolve the future...they are also about you. i want to create something that will help our future, that will help your future. these past couple of weeks...i have thought of you more. i thought it was normal at first...but the more i thought about what i was thinking about i..came to a realization." he sees the way you look at him with subtle confusion on your face, and he hesitates before continuing. "i believe i may have some kind of feelings for you, yn."

your eyes widen in shock, looking at viktor as he explains his thoughts, and you're not sure what to do. "what?" you quietly let out.

"yes, it appears to be that way," viktor nods. "just now, i have confirmed it. i may not have noticed it fast enough, and i sincerely apologize if i am too late now, but i had to get this off my chest before it would ruin me."

"o-oh," you stutter, a fiery blush growing on your face. "you-you're not too late," you say finally. "i've uhm, had feelings for you for a while now," you admit.

hearing this, a smile makes its way onto viktor's face. "really?" he asks.

"yeah," you nod. "i thought you were never going to notice or were purposely ignoring my attempts."

"ah," he lets out. "i would never purposely ignore you, yn," he says, pushing some of your hair out of your face. "let's just say i am a bit slow when it comes to these things. i apologize if i ever gave you the wrong idea."

"it's okay," you reply.

"well then, shall we establish this whilst we finish these calculations?" he has a smile on his face as he speaks, dragging another chair to sit down beside you.

"yeah," you nod, smiling back at him.

"great."

[luminatricky]

Vampire? In Gotham! (part 1)

Summary: Danny's 19, a prince, a halfa, and tired of being these things. So he jumps on the idea of a vacation as soon he's given the hint of a chance. The only caveat is that he's going to go undercover as a vampire in a big city - Gotham - far from his home dimension. He finds it's easier than he thought it would be. He's already mostly there.

Relationships: Dead on Main (Jason Todd/Danny Fenton), John Constantine & Danny Fenton

Um? Inspired by several prompts and other fanfics. Lost Between Our Needs and Wants AU definitely, with a background Danny's summoned by Ra's as Damian as a sacrifice. Nothing bad happens (to Damian) don't worry. Also, the one in which Danny decided to fight ghosts as a human too.

And John is almost definitely ooc, he's a character I enjoy a lot even though I don't have a firm grasp of his canon.

Danny's afterlife has been way too interesting for way too long. It's gotten to the point that when things suddenly go quiet for months, he hardly hesitates to give his "human" life some over-due attention.

For obvious reasons he's not going to try his "vacation" in his own dimension. Anyone he once might have stayed for know how to get a hold of him, whenever and wherever.

The Amity Park portal is still open. But between the stricter laws on ghosts wanting to use permanent portals he managed to get passed, and the increasingly feral ways the townsfolk have begun defending each other with, Danny feels confident to finally...let go. In his heart, he had always thought of it as still his, despite not being there to maintain it in truth. But now it's not his Haunt anymore, fully and completely.

They don't need him anymore.

And Danny doesn't want to be needed like that again, to be honest. He sacrificed so much to play hero because he got it into his head that he had to do everything alone in the end. As if he was the only one who could kick ghost butt on the daily in town.

Thankfully, a nineteen year old Danny is smarter than a fourteen year old Danny. He's learned the art of delegation. Any tasks that he doesn't need to be present for, he has a whole team of ghostly assistants to handle things for him. The major multidimensional crises have for the most part been solved - his protection Obsession at the very least fed. And quite a few skeleton thralls he freed near the beginning of his reign were suddenly looking for direction. Among them, a decent amount found the talent and fulfillment in positions of bureaucratic power that Danny never will, filling up spots he's unwilling to give out like the candy the various ghosts of nobility treat the roles as. Or ghost nobility. Like the Ancients. Quite a few of the Ancients are assholes.

(At least all the murderous Ancients aren't problems anymore)

With all their help, he's able to occasionally pop in to do paperwork, meet with the High Court for various lawmaking and judicial decisions, and listening to official petitions to the Crown from his people. It's all good. No mountains of unseen paperwork, no audience with the Observants every waking moment, no one across the Realms screaming desperately for help. Even some of the cults have finally caught on that he's not Pariah!

So Danny starts the process of finding a new Haunt for his new, normal, alive alter ego. Staying as long as he has in the Realms couldn't have been sustainable long-term if he didn't want to become a full ghost. As complicated as his relationship with his humanity is these days, he still doesn't want to die again. And Frostbite definitely has been pushing him to finding new territory, in the Infinite Realms or otherwise. Because even for full ghosts going Hauntless for long periods is straining. To say the least.

Although, being just a human again...didn't sit right. Even after all this time. His human form is still one Danny Fenton, in his eyes.

He can never be Danny Fenton again. He accepted that his duties as Crown Prince would keep him away from the identity of the ghost hunter's ghost hunting son, who went to Casper high and had terrible grades in everything but science; the kid who was shoved into lockers and who was addicted to Nasty Burger and played DOOMED with his friends and who wanted to be an astronaut. He accepted that he had to leave that all behind, and be full ghost in all but form. His parents wouldn't want him if they knew everything he lied about, anyways. He didn't actually deserve the name Fenton.

His new Haunt would preferably be in a place where he could reasonably pass himself off as another species, then, and still be safe. Safer than being a ghost at least. Most universes had well-deserved folklore against the Realms. His people are not inherently malevolent...But he knows that they don't play nice and careful with the living.

He would need an ectoplasm rich environment, too. A big city with lots of crime would go a long way for providing the ambient death and fear vibes that would attract Blobs like a bee to nectar. It would also make it feel like the Infinite Realms - hopefully. He's gotten accustomed to that kind of environment. He thinks he may never sleep again in a place quiet and safe.

He'd like a place with a rich history too. Just for fun!

Danny mulls it over carefully, narrowing down universes he could reasonably start his search in. The only universe he can think of with extensive protections for the non-human written into law is one far-flung flavor of an Earth he's semi-familiar with. He's been there twice, both at 16, just starting out and stressed to hell and back with the sheer load of unattended problems Pariah left to rot.

Both times he'd been more than he'd have liked. One Ra's Al Ghul wasn't technically his problem. He was no one's problem now, and that was current Danny's whole issue with it.

John Constantine is an unlamented saint for putting up with a feral teenaged Danny's slap dash attempt at helping the both of them - John with his soul related doom, and Danny with his paperwork related misery.

But. Considering how he handled the contract with Al Ghul, Danny can't blame John for hesitating to renegotiate their terms already. Ra's Al Ghul was an idiot who gave him what he thought was the life of his grandson, in exchange for immortality.

Him. The Prince of the Dead. Immortality.

Thankfully, the wording was imprecise. What he actually traded was the kid's really cool sword - the kid kneeling, terrified eyes meeting his before darting away, offering his own sword to let Danny slit his throat and "collect his due sacrifice", Danny not being able to breathe through his own fear - for pure ectoplasm, with instruction to drink it everyday until he ran out.

This of course killed even him months later from over-exposure.

The man probably felt a mile high in the air, indestructible, right up until he crashed. Al Ghul promptly became a ghost. Which. Closest thing to true immortality the Prince of the Dead could offer him. He kept his end of the deal. It's not his fault that Al Ghul never specified that he didn't want to die to be immortal. It's also not his fault that Al Ghul had so many dead enemies and victims on the other side who were easy to find. It was ridiculously easy - they made a support group around being taken down by the LOA. And who was he to deny the dead their due vengeance?

Right. So John is understandably nervous about Danny owning all the pieces of his soul, no matter how much rapport they've built these past three years. Danny is mature enough to admit that it is his fault for that bit.

On the bright side for Danny, that means one grumpy occult detective in a sad trenchcoat is a guy who lives in his phone. Like an uncle-shaped tamagachi!

He scrolls though his contact list until he thumbs John's number. Surprisingly, instead of going to voicemail, he picks up on the first ring.

"Before you ask, yes I'm cashing in a favor, finally. No, it's nothing evil, I've just got the first actual free time I've had in five years and I'd like to get suggestions on a city to move to."

-------------------

John ended up giving a very detailed list in response. Suspiciously detailed, and hardly prompted. How long had John been thinking on this? And why?

Danny chalked it up to the man's reasonable paranoia when it came to him. John's aware he can pretend to be (fully) human with relative ease, afterall. And the older man knows where he'd need to be able to actually live long term. After-live. Whatever. Point is, John probably made it his business to know where any sneaky invasions would start if Danny ever became a little less morally ambiguous and a little more bloodthirsty.

Entirely fair! Pariah wasn't always a tyrant!

On the very top was Gotham, a city in this world's Jersey, and the crime capitol of the States. Plenty of ambient ectoplasm, and planty of charged emotions wafting from every street corner. He doesn't voice this, but Danny figures that there must be a whole community of ghosts already living there because of that double whammy.

Something about the city's name tickles his memory, but can't quite pin it down. If it was important he'd have remembered. Right?

John is thrown when he asks about his options of other non-humans Danny could reasonably get away with impersonating.

"And why," the occultist half-accuses, "would you of all spooks, want to live in Gotham, as a 'vacation', just to not even pretend to be normal?"

"First of all, ow. John you know just because someone is different doesn't mean they're not normal. I thought you were the cool uncle." He responds half-heartedly. Danny bites his bottom lip, rolling it between his sharp teeth as he tries to think of a part two to that answer that wouldn't get uncomfortably personal.

John doesn't rise to his bait. Danny hears him unscrew something metallic, then the sound of fluid swishing quietly from the other end. Ah.

The silence wears on. Danny should hang up. But winging things have always gotten him into bigger trouble. And John is the guy to call for this. Fuck. And he's bad at lying bold-faced.

Fine.

"I'm half human," Danny responds as if that would explain everything. It doesn't, so he manages to continue in a small voice that he doesn't even remember the last time he'd used. "Sometimes I still pretend to be one when I can't see any other way. But I had my chance at playing the part of both. And I royally screwed it up, literally! I became freaking royalty and I just couldn't anymore. As far as anyone but my doctor is concerned, I'm full ghost. I had a chance - I don't deserve another one. Screw ups don't get nice things."

John takes another swig from his flask, mutters something under his breath that sounds vaguely like 'of course he's a fecking halfa'. His voice is rough around the edges from whatever cheap booze he just drank a concerning amount of.

"Listen. Sounds like you've got trauma dripping from your ears, kid. But what's the point here, huh? Sounds like you want to be human without all the fuss of it." John drawls out.

Danny takes a deep breath in through his nose. He tries to fight down the feeling of being peeled open for the world to see - being afraid isn't helpful right now. He needs to be silly, nonchalant, like he's always been with John in tense situations. Why do they only talk when things are tense, anyways?

"Essentially. It's more like. I want to have all the human experiences I missed out on, but without having to hide being inhuman. That kinda thing."

"And you can't just be a ghost?"

"I really don't think anyone likes being ghosted."

"Don't you start on that. You know what I mean, Princeling."

"Fine. No, I can't be a ghost. That's boring and no one likes being haunted."

John gives a long sigh. After a beat, he acquiesces. "Alright. You could pull off vamps damn well. Got the hair for 'em. The teeth and claws are only slightly off. There's several clans with different looks the same way humans have ethnicities. Although, I don't think that's the same, now that I'm thinking about it. But subspecies doesn't fit either."

Danny hums, tilting his head in thought. "Like the difference between a banshee and a specter?"

"Yeah, like that. All vamps, just different enough, and no kind older than another to say they're the 'main' species." John clarifies. Another pause. "Unless you count Halfas. Which. Some people do but shouldn't. Bloody idiots."

Danny startles, nearly dropping his phone. "Excuse me?"

John snorts. "What? You didn't know?"

"Musta missed that part in the complimentary instruction manual they gave me for having my molecules redecorated." He snarks. "What do you mean I'm already a vampire?"

"I said people who don't know what they're talking about count Halfas as the original vampires. You lot have been around since the bloody dawn of time, it seems." John sounds exasperated.

"That's not what I - never have I ever wanted to take a chomp on anyone's pulse point, what the fuck?"

John gets that smug tone in his voice that Danny has a love-hate relationship with. "And exactly how many undead folks do you hang out with when you're feeling peckish?"

"...you can't be serious." Danny says instead of denying him. What can he even say to that? He's never met a Revenant or Ghoul.

"As the grave, I'm afraid."

When Danny doesn't outwardly respond for too many beats, John takes another chug. "Phantom?"

"John." He begins, pinching the bridge of his nose as more and more dots connect too cleanly for him. "You might be wrong."

"...What awful lore about your eldritch homeland is going to send me into my weekly crisis this time?" The detective groans out.

"Alright. So you know how part of my whole thing as the Prince makes it my job to stay aware of ectoplasmic diseases?"

John hums in acknowledgement, so Danny sucks in a deep breath. "Then you should know two things. One, that I've been to a few dimensions with vampires in them. And like you said, they're all different from each other. I didn't really pay much attention beyond helping the people survive these world-ending scenarios though.

Two, is that in each and every one of those realities, the vampirism was caused by a virus made by an Ancient - don't worry, they're gone. The disease itself is called False Halfa Syndrome. It was their attempt to weaponize Halfas back in Pariah's time."

"Oh shite." John says elegantly. "Bag o' shite!"

"Good luck on that crisis. Me too." Danny is hardly holding in hysterical laughter. "I can't believe Sam and Tucker were right about this. Holy shit."

"How in the world didn't you piece this together until now?!"

"I don't know! I just thought it was coincidence!"

"Bloody fucking hell, Phantom. Nevermind. You can play a vampire totally accurately because you are one. A ghost one." John growls. "Cause that just had to be a thing."

Danny carefully doesn't think about how Vlad might have legitimate claim to that vampiric aesthetic he's got going on. Instead, he's planning on stealing an aesthetic change for his own ruse.

"Nice. Should I know anything else while we're here?" He asks.

John gave a wry laugh, crackling over the phone's shitty old speakers. "About Gotham or your new undead existence?"

"Both." He says instantly. "Both is good."

"Gotham has vigilantes. The birds and bats are efficient, and they spook easy at unknowns. Batman's technically my coworker if we're gonna call the Justice League a job - we don't get paid for this. He and his family deal with the craziest lineup of human rogues I've ever had the displeasure. It's made him a healthy amount of paranoid. If you're doing anything nefarious, he'll find you. And then he'll call me."

Danny isn't exactly afraid of John. But Pariah wasn't afraid of Danny, either, so the halfa takes it seriously. Internally.

"Yeah yeah old man. You've got your eye on me and all that. Uh huh." He genuinely appreciates the warning, too, but messing with John is his bread and butter.

"Watch it, brat," John says with no real venom, unlike a moment ago. "Or I'll bring out the stakes."

"I take mine medium rare, thank you."

"Piss off."

"...About the vampirism?"

"Normal ghost bullshite applies. It's about the ecto, I think. You go absolutely nutters for the stuff in undead folk. Something about how ectoplasm interacts with the reanimated. Liminals are nutritious too, but I've been told it's the difference between cafeteria food and gourmet. One smells absolutely heavenly, the other is barely appetizing."

Oh Ancients is that why all his exes are Liminal? No, hold on, was part of the reason Vlad was so weird about him just ghost-vamp on ghost-vamp mutual hanger?

"What, I'm not the only Halfa in your life? John. I thought we had something special."

"Please don't make this weird. Do not flirt with me." John instantly scolds. "I know you're just being your little weird brand of playful, but I knew you when you were a kid shaped menace. C'mon."

Danny blinks. He didn't think he was flirting, but apparently he was. "Alright. Sorry, John."

There's a sudden crash on the other side of the phone. Followed by John's muffled cursing.

"Listen, I have to go. If you're serious about this I'll get you some good fakes. Text me with what you'd like your name to be." And then John hangs up. Danny smiles into the lingering silence.

------------

PhantomMenace: Dante Nightingale, pwetty please 0w0

God's Favorite Whore: That's the most main character name I've ever bloody seen.

God's Favorite Whore: You're from a dead family in Illinois, farm boy, meta. Had an accident at 14, with a near death experience for believability. You've also been missing since shortly after it. Anyone looking into you will think that's when you got "turned."

PhantomMenace: thats why your the cool uncle <3

God's Favorite Whore: This should count as another favor, don't you think?

PhantomMenace: Yup. I'll be nice

PhantomMenace: 💚 ~2/20 Favors until Soul Return~ 💚

[chaotic-mystery]

Code Red | Chapter Eleven: I Only See Daylight

Pairing: No outbreak AU dbf!Joel Miller x f!OC (told in 2nd POV)

Summary: You're back in Texas after going on vacation with Joel and needless to say, shit hits the fan.

Content Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI. Enemies to lovers, dads best friend Joel, age gap (readers in her twenties and Joel is in his forties), slow burn, written in 2nd POV, no use of y/n, broken father/daughter relationship, daddy issues, dd/lg relationship dynamic, serious conversations about kid(s), allusions to sex & taking photos during sex, swearing, mentions of drinking, reader smokes & sometimes Joel, A new song introduced to the universe!, hidden relationship, Joel wanting to fight your dad, the start of everything falling apart. Texts shared between reader & Joel.

Authors Note: Here we are. I know I haven't touched this story since May 14th and I'm not done with them quite yet. I plan to write ahead moving forward so I don't leave anyone on a cliffhanger. This is 100000% not beta'd (I didn't want to burden anybody) so the mistakes are all moi. There's little eggs hidden of when this was written and I hope you giggle when you catch them. Thank you if you're still reading their story, I don't plan on leaving again <3

|| wc: 4.8K || divider by @/anitalenia || previous chapter || series masterlist || main masterlist ||

It had been a few days since that night Sharon came by and woke you up at two in the morning, sticking her nose in your business about Joel. 

She was only worried about your dad finding out and how he would react, she said she didn’t tell your mom and nothing seemed different when you went over to her house to drive into town to shop, but it was eating away at you if she was actually putting on a show just like you had been. 

Sharon warned you to be safe and reminded you she was there if you needed anything but the way she was going about this worried you. She failed to mention how you should break it to  Sarah and you hadn’t even begun to think about how to have that conversation with her. Do you just…show up on the porch one day and tell her you’ve been seeing her dad for almost the past year?

 Scratch that, that’s a terrible idea. It was a conversation to be had with Joel and the last thing you wanted was to feel like you were replacing her as the number one woman in his life. All you ever dealt with as a kid was your dads girlfriends making it feel like a competition for who he loved the most and unfortunately you were never a first place winner. 

“Honey? Do you like this?” Your mom’s voice becomes clearer as you’re once again yanked from the seat inside your thoughts to the present time. 

The bright green hoodie she was holding up was so bright you damn near needed sunglasses just to lay eyes on it. Every muscle in your face fights to make a disgusted look but knowing your mom would be upset, you keep a straight face and quickly scan the metal racks surrounding you for a different option to counter it. Like a magnet, the pink hoodie with chunky writing on the back nearly jumps off the hanger and into your arms. 

“I think this one is a little more me, you think?” 

She nods her head and takes it from you, throwing it over her bent arm in front of her body. She told you to pick out something from the souvenir shop and she’d pay for it, also meaning to find something for Joel. What could he possibly want from here? He wasn’t really a hoodie kind of guy, especially not down in Texas when he was outside practically all the time. He had more than enough trucker hats to last him the rest of his life. 

“So tell me more about Joel, sweetheart, what’s his normal life like?” 

“Well, he’s my boss but that happened after we started dating. Umm, I mean he’s my neighbor which was also before we started dating, promise I didn’t move closer to him just because we’re together.”

Your mom nods with a small smile, her face relaxing as you soothe her mind in knowing she taught you well not to move so fast with someone you hardly know.

“He um, he’s got a kid..” you scratch your head and spin around to look at the clothes behind you, her eyes burning into the back of your skull. “..it’s really not that big of a deal, I don’t think. I haven’t really met her yet. I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to replace her mom or take her dad from her.” The quiver in your voice surprises you both and your mom spins you back around, rubbing your arm caringly. 

You were terrified, truthfully. Telling Sarah about your relationship scared the shit out of you. Even thinking about Joel asking you to be responsible with Sarah scared the life from you. 

“Mommy, I’m so scared. What if she doesn’t like me and he breaks up with me? I mean, I wouldn’t want him to stay with me if she’s unhappy about it. I just…I love him.” Your voice was just above a whisper and the words felt as if they were slicing your throat on the way out. 

She says nothing as her lips pursed together into a frown and pulls you into her arms, hugging you tightly. Once more you felt like a little girl needing the comfort of your mother when things got tough. 

“You’ll be okay, I know it. Listen to me-” her hands grip your face to keep eye contact with you before she continues. “-you know better than anyone what that feels like and you’d do anything to protect that little girl, even if that means not seeing him anymore. You don’t have it in you to be that cruel. Just be yourself and she’ll see how happy you make him.”

Hearing testaments about your character always made you feel weird inside. It was never easy hearing how other people see you, especially when it’s positive. You look at her and she smiles assuringly before kissing the top of your forehead.

“Come on, let’s find something for Sarah.”

_

Holding onto the little beaded keychain in your hand, your mom pulls up to the quaint cabin you unfortunately had to say goodbye to tomorrow and she rubs your arm softly. 

“You’ll be okay, sweetheart. Just be honest with him about your feelings with this. It’s all valid.” 

You breathe in deeply and release the air out of your mouth, nodding at her. 

“I’ll be fine, I just need to go see him. I love you, I’ll stop by on the way to the airport.” 

You hated goodbyes. So it wasn’t saying goodbye to her, it was just telling her you’d see her later. You kiss her cheek and grab your bag of goodies from between your legs on the floor before getting out, standing out of the way so she could pull off. Jiggling the plastic bag in your hand nervously, you dig around in your purse until you feel the smooth carton of cigarettes and lighter clanking around inside.

The gray flint rubs against the pad of your thumb as you ignite the cigarette held between your lips, walking up to the small wooden porch to sit in the white rocking chair under the window. Too many thoughts about Sarah and all the ways she could react flood your thoughts again as you take a big drag to erase it all. Joel pushes the screen door open just enough to slip through and he nudges your knee gently. 

“Hungry? Made BLT sandwiches if you want one.” Joel presses a kiss to your cheek before taking the cigarette from between your fingers and taking a drag. 

“Tempting, maybe. I got you something from town, though!” You try to make it seem like you weren’t bothered by anything but he could read you like a goddamn book.

You were his favorite one.

His eyes fell to the bright blue shirt you were pulling out of the plastic bag, chuckling to himself before he even got to see the design. You finally get it out and flip it towards him so Joel could see what you picked out for him. 

“You’ve gotta be shittin’ me. This is awesome.” 

Joel’s fingers trace over the goofy design of the state drawn as an old fashioned cartoon with feet holding it up and bright yellow letters across the top. He stares at the piece of clothing for longer than normal, continuously rubbing over the painted letters. The thought of you buying it for him, spending the time to find something he would wear, it meant a lot to him and it was written all over his face. 

“Thank you, baby. I love it.”

Joel sets it in the chair next to you and places both hands on either side of your chair, leaning down until he’s eye level with you. 

“My pretty girl, what’re you thinkin’ about in here?” As he finishes saying his sentence he bumps his forehead into yours, resting them together comfortably. 

Joel turns his face to the side for a moment to take another drag of the shared cigarette and he blows the smoke quickly to return back in position. Your eyes close as you relax against his touch, the slight breeze rustling against the trees and drowning out the sound of your mind screaming at you. The dooming thoughts of Sarah knowing about this could wait, you were here with the man of your dreams, having the time of your life and it was the last night before you had to unfortunately return to Texas and go back to hiding something you were so proud of. 

“I just wish we could run away somewhere where we don't have to hide our relationship. Where I can walk into the grocery store with you and not worry about still holding your hand, wondering if someone who knows my dad is gonna turn the corner and see it. I just- I want to love you loudly like you deserve. You aren’t meant to be a secret.”

Joel’s right hand rests on your crossed leg, rubbing your calf to ease you. 

“I’ll give you everything you could ever want and more, I swear it. How much time do I have to give it to you, though?” 

“I’ve got enough time for you, Miller. Not too long though, I’m not a patient person, ya know.” 

The thought of waiting an eternity for Joel Miller didn’t sound so bad, at least not to you. 

Every now and then you would get this feeling in your stomach thinking about Joel and how much you really did care for him and love him. It wasn’t a feeling you could quite pinpoint. The depth of sadness would overcome you just at the idea of losing him, knowing one day his footsteps wouldn’t grace this earth anymore. It was always sitting in the back of your mind, poking at you to love whatever time you got with him, because one day there wasn’t going to be this. 

“I love you, you know that?” Joel asks and kisses your lips before you can answer. 

The kiss quickly turns passionate and he backs up with your lips still glued to his, your body carrying you with every step he takes into the house. Joel leads you to the bedroom and tosses you on the bed lovingly, admiring the way your beautiful eyes glowed in the golden ray of sunlight seeping through the flowy curtains. 

“Let’s enjoy our last night here, yeah?” 

You grab your camera from the pocket of your sundress and grin at Joel, the gears turning inside his mind as he catches on. 

“To our last night.” 

_

Running on a few hours of sleep and the coffee not doing its job in your body, you yawn again as your Uber pulls up to your moms house. This was the part you were dreading the most, seeing your mom torn up that you’re leaving again. 

“Cmon, Mom, I gotta get going!” The fake happy tone was so apparent but it was easier to keep her up in good spirits if you pretended to be okay. 

Your mom comes around the corner from the kitchen, her hand towel tossed over her shoulder as she always did when she was doing dishes. She wipes her hands dry and hugs you so tight it feels like your eyes are going to pop out. 

“I love you so much, mommy. I’ll call you when I get back to Texas and I’m home safe, I swear it.” Fuck, and just like that, the quiver in your voice makes you start to break and before you can collect yourself, tears slipping from your eyes.

“I love you more, my baby. Have a safe flight, okay? Who knows, maybe I’ll come see you for the holidays in a few months.” She laughs to keep herself from crying but it only goes so far before you can feel her body jolt with every sob. 

The tight grip of her arms around your neck makes you giggle between your tears and she squeezes you once more before letting you go, standing up straight to get a good look at you before letting you leave her again and go spread your wings back to your home. 

“Come on, you’ve got a plane to catch!” 

You take her hand in yours and walk to your Uber, Joel getting out immediately to give her a hug goodbye. As you circle around the back of the car to get inside, you can’t help but notice Joel and your mom having some sort of quiet conversation you weren’t privy to. Swallowing dryly and wanting so bad to know what they were talking about, you climbed into the backseat of the car to give them privacy. Though it bothered you enough to dig your fingernail into the side of your thumb, you knew deep down it wasn’t anything bad they were sharing back and forth. 

Joel opens the door before finishing his goodbye to your mom. 

“Bye, we’ll see you soon!” He grins and gets inside the car, buckling up before waving to her as your driver starts to pull off. There was no shot in hell you could look at her as you drove away, not if you wanted to get to the airport with minimal tears.

Joel intertwined his fingers in yours and kisses the top of your hand to console you, take your mind off the fact you just left your mom again. 

It felt different this time, leaving her house. When you first left almost a year ago, you were beside yourself and so confused about what to do with your life, thinking you’d be making the right choice to chase your dad for one last shot at something with him, anything.

But, here you were now, hand in hand with the asshole you didn’t mean to fall for, crying over the two weeks you spent with him and your mom, watching him get to know her and love her the way you do. 

“Here, take this.” Joel holds out his wired headphone and you place it in your right ear, waiting to hear the music start.

All of the anxiety, love, fearfulness, joy, everything starts to mix together as the lyrics come over the stringed instrument.

Woah, my love, my darling

I've hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time

And time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Your tears well in your eyes until you can feel them about to fall, causing you to turn your head to look out the window, not wanting Joel to know you were crying. 

You had to give it to him though, playing the Righteous Brothers was such a Joel move and yet, you never saw it coming. 

Your heartbeat speeds up and it’s like you could feel the blood coursing your veins, the impending doom of not knowing how anything was going to be once you returned to Texas was going to send your body into overdrive. 

-

It was close to seven by the time you and Joel got back home, the streetlights glowing that familiar orange light at the beginning of your block as the sun started to go down behind the trees ahead of you. His hand rests comfortably on your thigh, rubbing slow circles into the fabric of your sweatpants as you two softly sing along to the radio playing a song from Queen, another fitting song for the moment. 

Under Pressure. 

As Joel’s pulling in front of your houses, the sheer panic of seeing your dads vehicle in Joel’s driveway sends your anxiety through the roof, your legs instantly unfolding from the passenger seat to sit straight up, trying to make it not look like what it was. 

“Did you know he was going to be here? What the fuck is he doing here?” 

“Uhhh, I don’t know why he’s here, baby. Just stay calm, okay? I got this.” Joel winks at you and turns the truck off, getting out to see what your dad wants. You sit there for a moment and contemplate sitting still until he leaves but who knows how long that would be. Swallowing harshly, you get out and stretch before you make your way to where your dad and Joel were standing at the end of the driveway. 

“Hi, sweetheart. Where’ve you been?” 

“Michigan, I went to go see mom” you say bluntly as you take your suitcases out of Joel’s truck in a bit of a rush, trying not to let Joel’s bags be seen. Your dad takes a puff of his cigarette and you can hear the snicker from him as a response to your business in Michigan. 

“And Joel came to get you? What did you bribe him with?” The dig at the both of you causes your brows to knit together in confusion at what he was trying to get at. 

“She didn’t bribe me with anything, asshat. She’s a good girl, she just couldn’t get a reliable friend to come get her, that’s all.” 

What your dad couldn’t see was Joel’s fist behind his back, opening and closing slowly to to calm himself down and not stick your dad right in his mouth for speaking about you that way. One day he would make him see you as a person and not some doormat he can walk all over, but it wasn’t going to happen today. Joel was too exhausted and worn out to be arrested.  

Your dad’s face changes when Joel sticks up for you and he clears his throat before flicking his cigarette butt into the street and tucking his beefy hands in his front pockets. 

“I know, I’m just messin’.”

“Well, um…thanks for coming to get me Joel. I appreciate it.” You hold out your hand for a handshake just to see if he takes the bait. The corner of his mouth turns up just enough for you to notice and falls back into place as he holds out his hand, shaking yours firmly. 

He takes one last glance at you before you take your bags and walk to your house, your face warm to the touch with the mixture of embarrassment and the need to walk right back up to him and kiss him the exact way you had been in public for the last two weeks. 

But you couldn’t. 

He wasn’t yours until he wanted to go public. 

Once you get inside and drop the bags off your shoulders to the floor, you tug your phone out of the pocket on your purse. 

8:11 PM [you]: I Miss you :( Come over when he’s gone?

8:24 PM [Joel]: I miss you too sweetheart. He just needs some tools, guess he’s setting up for a pool party tomorrow? Leave your bedroom lamp on if you want me to come by when he’s done. 

8:30 PM [you]: Oh? Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get an invite from him ;)

8:31 PM [you]: Aye aye, sir. 

You set your phone down on the counter before you drag the luggage bags upstairs to the dimly lit bedroom you’ve missed so dearly. The piles of clothes you left on the floor pad your footsteps as you try to find the lightswitch on the wall, lighting up the room to see just how disastrous you left it. 

It needed a good clean and it was on your agenda for tomorrow, for now you’re too tired to do anything besides rot on your couch and get caught up on Love Island, seeing how you missed the first couple of episodes while you were away. 

Rubbing the back of your neck while you scan the room, the sadness starts to settle in that you miss Joel. 

You were independent, sure, but being so close the past two weeks without having to hide with stolen glances and tender brushes of your hands behind the backs of everyone was really starting to get to you. 

Why did he have to be your dad’s best friend?

-

The TV drowned out your thoughts long enough to cause you to fall asleep on the living room sofa, attempting to wait for Joel to return. You reach down and grab your phone off the floor that had fallen a little while ago, opening it up to the text thread between you and Joel. 

8:30 PM [you]: Oh? Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get an invite ;)

9:02 PM [you]: Are you almost done? I wanna cuddle.

9:44 PM [you]: You’re missing a really good episode of Love Island. Remind me to get you a pair of overalls. 

The last message you sent was a half hour ago and still response. You get up and walk into your kitchen, peeking out the window that faced Joel’s house. The lights downstairs were on, that was the most you could see. No shadows, nothing. Wondering where they were, you put on your shoes and walk out to your car, clutching the throw blanket draped over your shoulders as if it were a cape.

You just came outside to grab something from your car, at least that was the story you were sticking with if you got busted by anyone. Opening the driver's side door and looking around, you see Joel’s garage door open and the two of them sitting in lawn chairs in the middle of the room, a few beer cans at Joel’s feet. So this is where he’s been the last two hours? 

You grab a tube of lip balm from the cup holder and close the door firmly, going back inside the house before you were spotted. With your back against the front door, you slide off your shoes and contemplate leaving the door unlocked for him. He didn’t have a key and you wanted him to spend the night, but he’d be more upset if you left it unlocked and fell asleep. 

Grabbing the deadbolt latch and locking the door, you sigh and walk back to the living room to pick up the mess you made. You fold the blanket back up and lay it across the back of the couch, grab your phone, and start making your way upstairs again. 

Sleep. You wanted to sleep. 

The glow from your lamp in the corner by the window illuminated just enough to let you see a clear path to your bed. Stopping to dig out your camera from your bag, you grab it and walk over to your bed. The wind blows in your window and causes the lace curtain to touch your leg, making you turn around to look outside once more before turning off the lamp and crawling into your bed. 

You turn on your camera and look through the last two weeks of your life and the creeping melancholia comes over you. Photos of Joel in the ice cream parlor, the two of you playing cards with your mom, little moments you’ll have forever. He hated being in photos when you first met him, now he couldn’t resist smiling as big as he could when your camera was out. 

It was a little past ten when you heard your phone buzz on the nightstand behind you. Too tired to answer it or to even move, you settle down into your bed further until you fall asleep.

10:21 PM [Joel]: I’m sorry sweetheart. Didn’t know he’d be over that long. Sweet dreams. Proud you locked the front door. Love you. 

The message was the second thing you woke up to this morning. The first thing was Joel on your front porch with a bag from the grocery store with breakfast ingredients inside. He kissed your cheek after making his way to the kitchen. Hours after he made you two breakfast, you got dressed for the day. 

“Forgot to tell you, I did get invited to your dads pool party. He said he’d text you about it.” 

Joel wraps his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you against him gently while you adjust your necklace. His chin rests in the crook of your neck and looks at you through the mirror in front of you. 

“He won’t. I could just show up and crash the party though.” 

“It would make it so much better, I’ll tell you that right now, baby. We should probably go separately though. Best we lay low for a while.”

Lay low for a while. Right. 

Joel turns you around and cups your face. “Don’t give me that look, that’s not fair.” 

You stop pouting and groan loudly before putting your forehead on his chest. Joel kisses your head and stands you straight up, kissing your cheeks until you smile. You kiss his lips passionately and stand still as he starts to make his exit. 

“No pouting today. It’s a pout free day. Let’s get rollin’ baby. I love you, I’ll see you there okay?” 

Joel taps the door frame as you nod and he grins, walking downstairs and you don’t move until you hear the front door close. 

-

The music booms out of the speakers in your dads backyard and it overpowers your car radio as you pull into the driveway, parked right next to Joel’s truck. 

You walk in the front door and head to the kitchen where you hear voices echoing off the walls. A few of your dad’s colleagues stand there chatting away with small plates of finger food in their hands, colorful solo cups scattered along the countertop with various types of drinks. 

The kitchen looked amazing. You hadn’t seen it completed since Joel finished working on it. He was damn good at his job and you felt so proud of him, even if I was unfortunately at your dads house. 

“Look what the cat dragged in!” The hair on your arms raises at the annoying tone of Janet. 

“Kitchen looks nice, sure hope you paid him well” you snark back, a little cattier than you anticipated. 

She smiles sarcastically and walks towards the room behind you. Joel strolls in with your dad in tow, tugging on Joel’s white t-shirt as they laugh and you can barely make out what they’re talking about. 

“What’s up, kiddo?” Joel asks as he leans his hip against the counter and pours a drink for himself. 

You try to avoid looking him in the eyes as best as you can but you only last a few seconds. Right on cue Joel has that grin on his face, the one you only see when he’s with you. The one that holds back so many things he wishes to say. 

Janet walks back to the side of your dad like the good pet she prides herself to be, Joel standing next to you, not nearly as close as you’d like. 

“So, your dad tells me you went to Michigan? How’d you get so much time off already when you just started working?” Janet smirks and hides it with her cup, narrowing her eyes onto you. 

You ready up a loaded answer when Joel starts speaking before you. 

“I gave her the time off, no questions asked. I knew she missed her mom and felt she’d be more energized at work if she got some time from here. She does good work for me.” Dad and Janet couldn’t register his tone like you could. They were far too out of touch to see he was talking to them as if they were children. A subtle tone change was enough for you to notice his feelings on the question Janet had no business asking. 

“I stopped by your office the other day to give you the final check and Tommy said you were out of town?” 

Joel doesn’t shift his body once.

“Yeah, went to go get some wood out northeast.” His fake smile was enough to shut her up for now. It’s dancing too close for comfort and only she seems to notice the damning timelines. Your dad wasn’t putting the pieces fast enough like Janet was. 

“Can someone show me where the coolers are? I need a drink” you ask awkwardly, trying to remove yourself from this clusterfuck. 

Joel steps backwards and motions for you to go ahead in front of him. You set your bag down in the barstool right by the counter and walk outside trying to shake every bit of that conversation off of you. 

The lights were getting brighter as the sun continued to set, people mingling with you and Joel, talking about whatever. It was nice to hear other people’s life stories and how shitty their day-to-day life was. 

Janet comes out and makes a b-line towards you, your pink camera in her grubby hand. 

“You wanna explain this?” She asks in that smartass tone she always uses when she knows something you don’t. As she tosses the device to you, it lands screen faced up and on a photo of you and Joel on the beach your mom took. 

So much for laying low.

[bainksan]

Monkey D. Luffy Relationship Headcannons ❦

Luffy is oblivious if that isn't obvious.

He doesn't know anything about relationships

He wasn't trying to start a relationship with anyone, his goal is to be king of the pirates.

But that doesn't stop you're relationship from starting

He didn't know he'd like you so much

When he first invited you to the crew he thought you were tough and strong enough to hold your own weight, unlike his other crewmates which he assumed would at times rely on his strength

It was only when on a certain night he noticed you by yourself

It was around two in the morning and the rest of the crew was asleep in there rooms, aside from Zoro who had agreed to keep watch

Like he did most nights, he planned on sneaking into the fridge and eating all the contents before Sanji would wake up.

However, he was distracted by a loud slam on the dock.

When he went to go check it out he noticed you, sweaty and tired, dressed in lounge gear.

Both of your hands were swollen and bloody and several different kinds of gym equipment were scattered next to you

"Heyyyy (n/n)...what're ya doing up?" His playful voice startled you and you looked to you're right to find your captain standing nearly inches away from you're face.

You dropped the hand grip that was previously in your hands and gave him your full attention

He was dressed in his same old red tank top but he wore pants that had resembled sweats instead of his usual jean shorts.

"Ahh..i was just working out. Nothing to worry about captain." Your sincere expression eased him and he wasn't as wary as he initially was.

"You don't need to always call me captaiiinnnn. Also its pretty early for training. Donch'a think?"

You gave him a soft smile and slowly sat yourself down, your back resting on the railings of the ship

You looked so at peace, so tranquil

Luffy may not have been the brightest but it didn't take a genius to know you were attractive

Especially when you had big soft eyes and it looked like all of your facial features lined up perfectly on your face

"I really want to help out the crew cap-..Luffy. Everyone is so strong, so determined. I really want to earn my place here. I need to be strong for you and the crew."

And at that moment you stopped being just another crewmate to him.

You understood him.

You understood how much pressure he had with being strong and you noticed it so you took it upon yourself to get stronger for him.

That moment helped your relationship bloom to what it was now.

You both silently agreed that you wouldn't make it known to the crew that you were dating, or even interested in each other. There were small signs though.

Robin seemed to be the only one who noticed the change.

She noticed it once at dinner.

Normally Luffy would scarf down whatever was in his field of vision, but he didn't. He left a small portion of his bread to the side of his plate.

And when everyone was absorbed in more conversation he grinned at you and placed it on your plate.

Robin decided to keep this small moment to herself and not mention it to the crew, even Nami.

Even when you both don't make it clear your in a relationship he still looks out for you.

He invites you to join in on the games that he and Ussop would play.

And on rare occasions he'll peck your lips quickly before anyone of the crew can notice.

You love when its colder out because Luffy will use his rubber abilities to wrap his arms around you tightly.

You wouldn't change it for the world.

[lostbookmark]

MDNI 🔞

MAIN MASTERLIST here

FINDING A HOME MASTERLIST here

Summary: After a failed engagement, you move back home and reconnect with your friends. Maybe, just maybe you can find love with someone you never expected.

Pairing: Yoongi x F. Reader

Warnings: Explicit Sex, Swearing, Cheating (Not Yoongi), Physical Fighting, Arguments, Protected/Unprotected Sex, Toxic Past Relationship,

Genre: Enemies(?) to Lovers, Neighbors to Lovers, Small Town Romance, They own a farm, Hurt-Comfort, Slight Angst, Romance, 

A/N: Here is chapter one. The rest of the story will have regular updates once Wispered Vows is over.

You’ve been staring at the small, hairline crack in Hobi's ceiling for hours now. This has been a routine thing for you to do since you showed up at his small apartment back in your hometown a little over three weeks ago, crying with your suitcases by your feet. You probably looked pathetic. It's been years since you actually saw him in person. You only knew his address from the Christmas cards he sent you that you hid away in your dresser. You never gave him your address, so he must have gotten it from your mom. You're kind of surprised he took you in. You're happy he did. You didn’t want to stay with your mom. If you stayed with her, you would have to hear all about your failed engagement and the last-minute cancellation of your wedding that you had to eat the cost of.  Your bank account is not happy with you at the moment. 

Fuck, Changkyun.  You think to yourself.  He ruined it all with one little sentence. “I don't love you anymore.” Five words  and just like that the two of you were done. The three years you were together seem like a lie. It seemed like it never actually happened. Now, you're wallowing in your bestfriends spare bedroom and staring at a crack in the ceiling. You wonder if he knows it's there.  

“Get up,” Hobi said, barging into the room and jumping on you. Your normally peppy best friend seemed serious without his signature smile. “I'm not letting you do this anymore. I can't watch you lay in here all day feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not healthy. You can help out at the farmers market today.” 

“Farmers market?” You question him with a ‘what the hell’ look on your face. “Are you a farmer? Since when did you become a farmer?” 

“No, silly, I'm not a farmer, but I do own part of one. Come on,” he insists and pulls the covers off of you. You fight with him for a minute, trying to grab onto the blankets to pull them back over you. You wanted to wallow, why won't he leave you be. “We are short-handed today and could use a pretty face. Kookie will be there, and I know he misses you. He hasn't stopped asking about you when I told everyone you were back home.”

You grumble something unintelligible under your breath. You finally let him win as you let go of the blanket and head for the shower. You take your time letting the hot water run over your tired body as it steams up the bathroom. Your eyes close, and  you think back to those five words. I don't love you anymore. How can someone just stop loving you? Was it that easy to break away from someone and act like they were never there in the first place? How was it so easy for him to disregard your feelings? How could he not feel guilty for using your shared bed with others? You silently let the tears fall, and they mingle in with the droplets of water from the shower. 

“Hurry up,” Hobis' muffled voice called out. “We leave in 20 minutes, and you're going no matter what you look like.”

You sighed and turned off the shower. Grabbing your towel, you quickly towel dried your hair the best you could and threw it on the top of your head in a hurry. You honestly don't care what it looked like. It's not like you have to impress anyone.

Leaving the bathroom, you see that  Hobi had gone through your clothes and laid out a sundress for you. It makes you want to cry some more. You've been a bad friend since even before you left town after graduation. Ignoring all of them for what you thought was a better life. A life in the city with a new fancy apartment, fancy friends, fancy food. Yet, when it all fell apart here, he was still willing to help you. Hobi was still there. His friendship was always unwavering. You guys bickered and argued, sure, but he always stuck by you.  You couldn't say the same about yourself after you dropped him and everyone else like a hot potato. Sighing, you grab the yellow dress with pretty red and pink flowers, off the bed, and put it on. It wouldn't hurt to do something for him. It was the least you could do. 

The late August heat made the early summer mornings warm and muggy. The sun was full and bright in the blue sky, its rays heating your skin already causing you to feel sticky with sweat on your bare shoulders. There wasn't a cloud in sight to offer any shade and there was no breeze to be found. Hobi gave you a crash course of what you missed while you were gone as you headed into the farmers market in the center of town. After college, Taehyung went into the corporate world, had an epiphany of sorts, quit his well paying job and bought a farm in your hometown after visiting Jin's cafe in a spur of the moment trip. 

Tannie Farms had started out as just your standard fruit farm but has since expanded with vegetables, and now he is figuring out how to grow nuts. Something that is very much experimental at the moment. He suckered everyone to get involved by investing money that they barely had and becoming part owners. Now it's pretty successful in the few years that they have been up and running, so you guess the risk was worth it in the end. You learned that they donate food to the local schools, the food pantry at the senior center, and they sell to the grocery stores in the surrounding area. It seemed impressive. It was impressive. You felt proud by how far they have come. 

“Everyone has other jobs, though, right? How do you guys find the time to help him?” You had asked him.

“Because, we all love him. You don't give up on people you love,” he told you quietly. “Yoongi is the only one there full time. He actually runs the business and marketing end. Everyone else is just manpower and ideas.”

Min Yoongi, oh how you two always hated each other. You ran in completely different groups in middle school and high school. Him with the jocks and popular kids and you….with Jin and Hobi. You don't even think he knew your name back then, and you definitely never talked. It wasn’t until sophomore year in college that he and Hobi became almost inseparable while rooming together in the dorms. He brought along Jimin, Kook, and Tae into your little group. They were sweethearts, and you took to them instantly. Joon rounded out the group when you met him during your child development class. Yoongi got along well with everyone except you and his girlfriend Chae absolutely despised you right from the start. You always tried to stay as far away from them as you could when you were forced into group activities. It only got worse when Changkyun came along.

You met Changkyun when you both worked on the school's newspaper. You had fallen for his flirty personality and sharp jawline fast. He, unfortunately, had written a horrible article about Yoongi losing the college basketball team's Final Four game and supposedly bringing “shame” to the school's name. You, being the editor on the team, let the article go through. To be honest, you didn't even read it, and  you didn't know that it was going to cause such an uproar. You just wanted to impress Changkyun in hopes that he would like you and officially make you his girlfriend. Yoongi started to act like you didn't exist more than he normally did, and Chae openly hated you after the article was published. She threw such a fit about you and started a smear campaign against the newspaper, which ended with you getting fired. You felt like you were the number one enemy in their eyes. After that, you slowly stopped hanging out with them. You tried to fit yourself into Changkyun’s group of friends instead. They were pretty nice, but it just wasn't the same. 

“Y/N!” You look up and see Jungkook waving at you excitedly from under a large Tannie Farms sign. “You're here!” Jungkook comes around to the front of several white tables that stand under a large tent from where the sign dangles and hugs you tightly. Your eyes widened in surprise at the act of affection. You bring your hands up and tentatively pat his back in return. “Are you back for good? Joon said that you're going to work at his school. Are you going to help us every weekend?”

“Kookie, let her talk,” Hobi scolded him.

“Sorry, I just really missed you,” he whispered to you. Guilt. You feel so fucking guilty.

“I missed you too, Kook. Don't worry, there is plenty of time to catch up. Okay, show me what you want me to do,” you tell him, a fake smile plastered to your face. You link your arms together as you make your way to their spot. 

Hobi and Jungkook showed you how to stack all the produce in wooden crates that they were going to sell and how to keep them looking presentable. The more uniformed they were, the more appealing they supposedly were. They chatted away telling you all of their ideas to expand their products at their spot here and in the local stores as you stacked and fixed the wooden crates like they showed you. They told you how they wanted to start selling baked goods using the fruits and eventual nuts that they grew, but none of them could bake that well. Jin was the closest to making something edible, but it just wasn't good enough. 

“You could help with that!” Kook said excitedly. “Your  breads were always so good when you made them in school. OH! Your birthday cakes were amazing. We always looked forward to everyone's birthday because of your cakes.”

“I never got one,” a deep voice soon joined the conversation. Yoongi walked by you carrying a crate of tomatoes.  

His dark hair that you always remembered him having was now a darker blonde. He looked the same, though. He looked good. He was still handsome with an arrogant aura around him that he always had. You were actually surprised that he was carrying something. You figured business and marketing meant a cushy office, not manual labor. Someone who would never give up his weekend to help work the crowd on a hot summer's day. You thought it was more suit and tie than flannel and ripped jeans. 

“We were never friends,” you shot back at him. 

Yoongi turned and pinned you down with a glare. You swear you can feel your cheeks heat up, and you don't know if it's from anger or attraction. Your small, very, very small, almost microscopic crush from high school might still linger….maybe. 

“Okay,” Hobi says, clapping his hands, drawing your attention back to him. “Our price list is here on the sheet for your reference. Just entice people to come with that pretty face, and Kook will ring them up.” Yoongi scoffs. You quickly pick up an ear of corn to chuck it at him, but Hobi takes it away from you just as fast. “Listen, I know you two have had your differences in the past, but we are actually adults now. Just be cordial, at least.” 

“Fine,” you say, feeling ashamed that you let Yoongi get to you. 

“Okay,” Yoongi agress and shrugs nonchalantly. “I have no issues on my end.” 

“Great,” Hobi says happily with a clap of his hands. “Let's get this party started.”

You and Yoongi pretty much just stayed away from each other, and that was fine with you. He mainly just stayed in the background sitting on an empty wooden crate and typed away on his phone, avoiding having to talk to the customers as much as possible.  Occasionally, he would leave only to come back with another crate of something. It was pretty much smooth sailing until it wasn't.

The farmers market got busy pretty fast. People poured in to get their produce and sweets and peruse the crafts at the various tables. The work was pretty easy. You made small talk with customers and talked them into buying more produce than they probably needed. You saw and talked with a lot of your old teachers, neighbors, and some classmates that you haven't seen since graduating high school. You also met a lot of new people who had moved to town after you left, taking over businesses that you haven't been to in years. It was sad how the town had changed. You're sad that you missed it and you didn't get change along with it like the rest of your friends had. You're sad that you've become bitter and angry. It wasn't the town's fault or your friend's fault. That was all on you.

“Y/N dear, oh, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Your mother told me everything,” Mrs. Kang said dramatically with her hands on her chest. She was your mothers neighbor and the number one gossiper in your little town. If something happens, she always knows about it. Did someone get divorced? Quit their job? Get arrested? She would be able to tell you everything. Your mother also has a big mouth, so you know that she does probably indeed know everything. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Kang,” you say stiffly. 

“Word of advice. If you didn't make yourself….easily….available before your wedding.  He probably wouldn't have gone looking for someone with more class,” she tells you rather loudly. She did it to embarrass you, and it worked. You could see some of the customers that were lingering by listening to the conversation as your face heated.  “He cheated, right? That's such a shame. I heard your wedding dress was absolutely stunning.”  You can feel the tears well in your eyes, and you try to quickly blink them away. You feel stupid that she was able to call you out so easily on it.  You felt stupid for reacting like this. 

“Are you going to buy anything, Mrs. Kang or just harass my employees?” Yoongi speaks up, coming to stand behind you. His arms were crossed against his chest, and a hard glare set on his face. “If you're not going to buy anything….have a good day.”  Mrs. Kang gives the two of you the sourest of looks and surries away. Great, she'll tell your mom all about this. You turn to look back at him, but he had already removed himself from the area and went back to his phone.  You hurriedly leave the front of the tables and hide around back to try and get yourself together. Too many unknown eyes were on you, and you couldn't stand it. 

“You okay,” Kook asks softly, and you nod your head. 

You sniffle and start shaking your head no instead. He hugs you, and the dam breaks. You start crying, and the tears that you keep trying to blink away won't stop. His hands are gentle as they rub your back, comforting you. You wrap your arms around him and let yourself sink into his hug.  

“She's right,” you tell him as you pull away. “He cheated on me…a lot.”  Jungkook wipes your tears with his thumbs. “I think that I always knew, and I just ignored it. It's pathetic, right? I was so desperate to try and make it work.” 

“Changkyun was always a dick,” he says. “He was always horrible to us when you weren't around. You were always too good for him, and you are better off without him. Come on, don't waste your tears on him. We need to head back out there.”

You take a deep breath and wipe at our face one final time before following him back out.  People like Mrs. Kang was always going to be miserable, and you can't let her affect you. That's what makes them thrive. You saw it in the city with your so-called fancy friends, most of whom you would find out, slept with your then fiancé and you see it in small town people like Mrs. Kang. Who has nothing better to do but make everyone as miserable as they are. You busy your hands and rearrange the bell peppers by color. Green, Red, and Yellow. Perfectly stacked and all uniformed. Hobi comes up to you and kisses your head.

“You're home now. Everything will get better,” he promises, and you smile sadly at him as he rubs your shoulders softly. As he walks away, you notice Yoongi staring at you before quickly looking away when you catch him. You can do this. You can start over and be fine….you are not alone. 

“Hey, what's the deal with Yoongi?” You ask Hobi as you two watched a movie huddled on your temporary bed.

“What do you mean?”he asks back, pausing the movie on the television. 

“Instead of enjoying Mrs. Kang calling me a whore he pretty much ran her off,” you tell him. “He hates me. I've known him since middle school, he's never said one word to me until college. He absolutely hated me there.”

“Yoongi is not the bad guy that you want him to be,” Hobi informs you. “I get what happened in school sucked but I don't think Yoongi was behind any of it.” 

“You're defending him because he's your friend, “ you accuse.

“Do you really think I would stay friends with Yoongi if he had some secret agenda against you? His girlfriend was awful to you. Changkyun was awful to him. They were the problem. Listen,I'm going to head to bed. Just think about what I said,” Hobi kisses your cheek quickly. 

Maybe Hobi was right. You honestly can't really remember Yoongi ever being the one to cause the problems between you two. Sure, he made snarky comments, but he did that to everyone. Chae was the absolute worst nightmare that you ever met. She was the one who got you fired from the paper and bragged about it to your face. It got worse after you and Changkyun officially got together. She was able to befriend your roommate  and got her to turn against you. They had locked you out of the dorm one night. You didn't have your keycard or your phone on you. You had to stay in the lounge until your R.A. made them let you back in. 

It had gone on for months and it got so daunting dealing with her that you had begged Changkyun to write a retraction. He had gotten so mad at you that you would take Yoongi’s side instead of your own boyfriend's.  He told you about how he was falling in love with you and how it hurt that you wouldn't stick by him. You were so blindsided by his confession that you let the issue go. You had made him your life after that. You slowly stopped seeing your friends to be with him. By the time you had graduated, they were almost strangers.  You had thrown away so many years over broken promises and lies. It felt like he had manipulated you.  You hated him for that. You hate him, you hate him, you hate him. 

You felt like a complete idiot because maybe Hobi was right, and Yoongi wasn't the cause of all the drama. You were going to have to come up with some way of apologizing to Yoongi. Not only to Yoongi but to everyone. You don’t expect them to forgive you either.  You just don't know how exactly you're going to do that. Like Hobi said earlier, you were home now, and everything was going to be okay.  

[silkenwinger]

i'm just a station on your way

simon "ghost" riley x reader - a cupid/psyche retelling of sorts

part one

He takes off his mask in his room.

Well, that’s to be expected. Even if he wore it as a security measure, or to hide scars– the comfort of his own private space is enough to make him take it off. It has to be uncomfortable and sweaty, too.

Although, at that point you’d expect to see his face.

“Ghost, I–”

“Don’t even try it, Sergeant. Lights off.”

You didn’t even finish, nor really articulate anything, but you shut up real quick at orders anyway. His mouth is on yours to cover any other protest as he presses you against the door, and your mental freakout ends definitely as his fingers come to brush against your core.

Later, as you catch your breath on the spacious lieutenant issued bed, your curiosity spikes again. You are resting your head on Ghost’s left arm, the one you know is painted with ink well over his elbow. His blond ish hair is surprisingly soft on your cheek. He starts stroking your side with his other arm. Your own hand raises, as if it has a mind of its own, and lands on Ghost’s cheek. He jerks almost imperceptibly, but you still feel it, as close as you are. 

His skin feels normal: a high cheekbone, the hint of a stubble. You don't know why you're surprised.

“Regretting it now?” He speaks, throaty voice and secluded tone, like he actually fears your answer. 

“Nah,” you answer, “checking you are real is all.”

Nothing much changes in your outward relationship after you two start sleeping together. You try not to show your undying loyalty to him to others, and he's just good at not letting anything out. Your trysts are mostly consumed in his room, and sometimes, exceptionally, in yours. You don't really know why he chose you over anyone he could have– and you know he's liked, since you have ears and eyes. At least in those hours spent in the darkness he’s all yours and not the country’s. 

It’s like you know two versions of the same man. The Ghost that looms around base, kills enemies quietly as they strangle out a choked gasp, and always has a way out of a building on fire. The Simon that cuddles you, lets you bury your nose in the juncture between neck and shoulder, and navigates his room in the dark, even though you told him you could close your eyes while he turned the lights on.

You reckon he really, really does not want you to see his face. But as he is in his right to be insecure, or really careful about his privacy, you’re in your right to let it affect you. Not a lot. Just a little bit. 

Who are you, even, to get offended by it? It’s not like you’re his girlfriend. By certain metrics you’re barely friends.

One day while you’re in training you start putting on your gear distractedly. It’s yet another trail course that will have the corporals coughing up a lung, since there’s a high chance of it being orchestrated by Ghost and/or Soap. There’s a couple of guys you’re especially worried about. Not to be the classic bleeding heart of a woman in the army, but… ugh. 

Suddenly you feel a pull behind you. Ghost stands at your back, his hands fiddling with the last clasp you had yet to hook. He latches it quickly and tests its resistance, brown eyes going over the rest of the gear. You look at him from your shoulder and smile at him. He has his ways of caring.

After the predictable hardship, you’re in the mess trying to enjoy some peace when a tray slides in front of your eyes. An abundant serving accompanies a satisfied Soap: a man whose greed (but also generosity) knows no bounds. He’s whistling now, rubbing his hands as if he’s some animal ready to dig in.

“Hi?” you start, unsure. You two are on pretty good terms, you may even reach the status of friends, but you thought you had made it clear enough you didn’t want to talk. Not clear enough, it seems.

“Hello. Mind if I sit here?”

“No.”

“Good. Anyways…” He then starts recounting the whole morning exercise, going over the most problematic parts. You nod at his remarks and add small comments, but it’s mostly a solo endeavor. He has no qualms over it and seems perfectly content with your input. You’re done eating while he’s still halfway through, and you’re thinking of ways to slip off, citing paperwork or the likes, when he stops talking about work and puts a hand on his jaw.

“Oh, lass, I was wondering… how’s Ghost’s mug, by the way? You see we’ve been working together for a while and I’ve never got to see it, got all curious about it.”

You try to muster an expression of pure neutrality as you deny it all.

“What are you talking about?”

“Come off it now… no sense pretending, no?”

“No, Soap, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What, are you ashamed? No need to be ya keen. I see the appeal.”

You’re now pretty sure blood has risen to all of your face. You’re being read so easily and quickly you’re asking yourself why the fuck did you even go through all those torture trainings if Soap can dismantle you this easily.

“Okay. How do you even know?”

He smirks, blue eyes glinting. “I didn’t but now I do. So? How’s it?”

You feel yourself dry up even more and immediately rush to damage control.

“You can’t tell anyone. Really, Soap. You know it’s not allowed.” He scoffs and even has the gall to shrug.

“No one gives a fuck, really. Price can’t talk cause he’s been sleeping with the head nurse anyway.”

“Yes but Ghost is my superior, you know that’s not-”

“Sooo? Is he ugly?”

“Soap!”

“Lass!”

You almost yell, but bite your own tongue. The last thing you need is the whole mess turning to see what two sergeants are arguing about. You bury your face in your hands. Might as well come clean.

“I haven’t… I haven’t actually seen it.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“But you’re sleeping together! I even saw you coming out of the barracks once, and today he was all over you.”

“Yeah, and I’m telling you we are doing it in the dark.”

“You’re kidding me…” he says, jaw-slacked and eyes wide. Then he recovers and crosses his arms, expression morphing into a serious one.

“Now, that’s just not proper.”

“Are you my mother telling me it’s bad to sleep with someone who’s not my boyfriend?”

“Not that… I’m talking about not showing your face to the girl you’re with. Pure shite behaviour in fact. I’m kind of disappointed in LT, gonna be honest.”

You feel an urge to defend Ghost at all costs. Yes, it hasn’t been easy. But you’ve been coping. Being with a restricted version of him is better than not being with him at all.

“It’s fine. You know how he is… I can’t force him anyway.”

“Nah, lass. He’s being a monster about it. And I know it bothers you as well, can see it in your eyes.”

“Soap…”

“I’ve said my piece. I can talk with him-”

“What?! Are you crazy? You’ll shut your gob, Soap, or help me God.” You breathe in once, twice.

“I get what you’re saying, okay? But as I said it’s fine. We’re nothing official. Whatever comes… it’s enough.”

He levels you with a look that makes you want to claw out of your skin. But he just sighs and gets up. He takes his tray in one hand and comes to touch your shoulder with the other.

“Just think about what I said, okay?”

You’ll think and think again.

[plusvanity]

Metalion was arguably one of Pelle's closest friends in Norway, and the very same person who saw Pelle trying to drown guinea pig in a jar, then putting it in the microwave. That story would have never been known if not for Metalion. He decided to share it, which points to him NOT being the "Pelle was an angel" type of person.

Yet he said that Pelle only pretended wanting to kill the farm cat and said he actually believes Pelle could have caught the cat if he wanted but pretended it was too fast for him. He also expressed belief that Pelle was actually fond of cats "in his own twisted way".

(Metalion was also the person who received the famous rant from Pelle about the inclusion of Garfield comic in the Slayer mag, with the accompanying "I HATE CATS" drawing where he put Garfield in the meat grinder).

What do you think about this? Do you agree with Metalion or you think he could have been wrong? I could have asked you this in dm but I feel like reading the discussion if anyone wants to add their two cents.

I definitely feel like Pelle was trying harder than his metalhead peers to seem brutal, tough, cold and 'evil' and his harsh antipathy towards cats is, in my opinion, the easiest way in which you can tell he's purposefully exaggerating his image.

Now, I wouldn't say he was an angel either. He was very complex as a character in the scene and I'm glad we have this story from Metalion to contour a wider view on Pelle's personality. I wouldn't consider him evil or an animal abuser for killing a rodent, but the way in which he carried out the act is quite interesting for a few reasons. If I recall it correctly, he was drunk when he did that. We all know that alcohol allows disinhibition and promotes reckless/ unthoughtful behavior. I see him as having fun and wanting to see 'cool and brutal' to his friends, so his sporadic decision to microwave the hamster must've been born from the wish to impress. And what wanting to impress really means? To belong.

I very much believe that a lot of Pelle's actions and declarations originate from his wish to belong, to be perfectly integrated into a small group of friends that he made. And this could be traced back to being bullied in school, having low self-esteem and being emotionally neglected. These are some of the conclusions that I tend to have when looking back at his history and relationship with others.

I don't have any way in which I can prove or disprove this, but my gut feeling tells me that Pelle wasn't sadist, cynic, or evil in the slightest. I believe he was, in fact, a sensitive person and sensitive does not equal 'angle' or innocent. I think he was forcing himself to be more intimidating than he was in reality because of a tough lesson that he's been taught since early in his life.

Another aspect of why he might be pressured to maintain this exaggerated act was because of the environment, after all the black metal scene was designed to capture 'the worst' in people as a backlash to conformity and normality. He couldn't be less aggressive, less brutal, less 'cool' than his peers, not when he finally had the chance to express himself in a way that could be appreciated by those who shared his feelings.

If Pelle was indeed prone to violence and aggression, it would've shown and there would've been stories about this, but there are none. The only person he ever hurt was himself, and this is not because he couldn't hurt anyone, because he could if he wanted to, but he took it on himself as a mindful decision.

Although self-destructive behavior is common for people with low self-esteem, it is not the rule. Many people lash out on others for their own feelings of self-hatred. (Vikernes for example)

I don't see the possibility of him secretly liking cats this far-fetched because exaggerating about just how much you hate something is sometimes a good indication of how you actually enjoy something that you're very ashamed of.

To sum this up, I think Metalion was observant enough or lucky enough to see beyond Pelle's shocking acts of impression. I see that instantly cooked rodent incident as something isolated, pushed by the circumstances in which Pelle was at that time rather than part of a continuum of cruel events.

I think Pelle had a limit when it came to seeming cool, and this would make a lot of sense if h indeed chose not to catch the cat at the farmhouse when he could just do that.

Some people take their frustration on smaller creatures because they need to punish a lesser being than them the way they've been punished by a bigger being. This is an antisocial mentality. Pelle could have done so, if he wanted to many times, but he didn't. Also, most antisocial acts are committed ALONE, not with friends, or at a party, or in any social circumstances and things like that don't stay hidden for long, so eventually people start noticing. This is clearly not Pelle's case.

[angy-grrr]

Just another queer ship

I know many of you just are here bc you wanted to see bkdk metas years ago -many have left since then, changed accounts, stopped getting my content, or just moved on to the work others do in the fandom-, but I also know some of you feel at least a little bit like me. You felt connected to this for many reasons, as many as the amount of followers I have, but I want to talk about me, hoping the ones that understand also get to have... something, I guess.

These ships were important to me partially bc of being my special interest, partially bc they are queer; I know some ppl believe its wrong of others to enjoy shipping "just bc they are gay", they just have been a huge part of my life and followed me thru different stages of accepting queerness on its own and on myself. Its kind of funny, how this started when I just tried so hard to be non queer and how it ended when I accept that im a genderqueer lesbian.

I remember back then I saw romance as that uncomfortable pressure of expectation and need of validation whenever an older guy (like young man I mean, I was like 13 so older guy looked like that) was in front of me -bc romance was always like that-, how picking a random guy means love, or how eye contact means im telling that guy Im interested in him. Because romance is always about a boy and girl just ending together as the ending of all stories -if I wanted to do things right, I needed that, I needed to show off a random guy to others, even metaphorically, as long as him and I were never completely alone (this "relationship" needed to be useful for something, for others to see how great I do this, how im a winner in life).

Its funny, isnt it? I really wanted this to be a subversion, to understand how complex these feelings can be and that a girl and boy can be friends and be so important to each other, that the feelings you have for someone "you arent supposed to like" can be real, and strong, and impact you forever.

I dont care about what we got.

To whoever is reading this, if anyone does at all, im guessing you could be another queer person who got their heart broke because the shonen that wasn't supposed to be like other shonen ended up like all the stories do. So to you let me tell you this:

Don't you dare give your heart for this. There are so many harmful many things in this world, and I dont want you wasting your spirit over a story that never cared about us. Im nobody to tell anyone anything but I dont want us to once again yearn for a queer story in the shows, books, comics and movies that clearly dont want us there.

Its normal to feel the overwhelming pressure in your life -there are tons of things to worry about, so many injustices- and wanting to find comfort in media, and how it hurts when the author takes that away from you. Im not telling you to stop shipping or consuming what you watch, im telling you to use that into something for all of us. There are queer shows, music, entertainment, communities, etc., and we can also use fandom spaces to create and see what makes us feel seen -thats the rule of fandom, if nobody has written it then do it yourself even if its ugly and imperfect.

The ending of THE manga that has been by my side for what could be half my life is everything I feared it would be, but Im the most queer I have ever been. The manga wasn't for us? Okay, I'll be part of whatever I create then.

[laugtherhyena]

I need to have ibis taken away from me so that i stop expanding Ayame's family tree-

Quite literally the most random thing ever, at one point earlier this week i remembered this throwaway from Asoot's puppetmaster arc at the scene where Akane goes to spend the night at Ayame's house;

This was, obviously, done because back then none of us had any ideas let alone designs and character traits for Ayame's family, hence the need for an excuse to why they're not present.

Cut to present year where i went and made characters for her parents and thought back to this line like "Hey i should make that", since i wrote Bashira as a single child that means this is an aunt from Ippei's side of the family; Mai Hatano!

And hey i was actually nice this time around so she's actually alive post-tragedy :] so here's some general info on her:

-She's 9 years younger than Ippei, the parents were going through a rocky part of their relationship and the mom thought maybe having another kid could save their marriage but it really only made everything worse and the husband left around the time Mai was turning 2 years old.

-The deal is that the father as some kind of businessman that was having an affair with a coworker and would excuse him coming up late or not even back home by saying he was piled up with work and blaming the wife or being “insensitive about his efforts”, but she knew he was bullshitting and could tell he had someone else. So again, she thought maybe if they had another kid that would fix things but it only led to somewhat constantly arguing for over an year until he left with his lover and cut contact with the rest of the family.

-This ties into why later in life Ippei choose financial stability over following his music career, the family struggled quite a bit over the years with just the mom and two kids, they had to move a few times and Ippei even got his job as a waiter during his mid to late teens to help out with money. I guess this also ties into why he and Bashira planned so much to have Ayame, i think his parents married pretty young and inexperienced so he wanted to avoid that and have a normal family.

-On Mai’s side she felt like she was at fault for “ruining her parent's marriage” for a good chunk of her childhood and early adolescence. She's over that as an adult, though it did lead to her avoiding serious relationships with anyone though most of her life. At most she's had some flings/one night stands, but never a proper boyfriend or anything official.

-On top of that Mai is generally pretty bad at dealing with emotions, both of other people and her own. She has no idea how to comfort anyone or help when they're in some emotional turmoil or need someone to vent to, so oftentimes she is kinda just changes the subject or gives a pretty standard response of like “Damn that sucks” before doing so and proceeds to ignore the issue as in sorta of a “forget about it” way. (As you can probably guess, she's not the one to show her hurt to others for a similar reason. When she received the news that her brother and his family had died she didn't express much of a reaction at all at the foundation and only cried when she was back home because she did genuinely care for them, though her odd reaction gave the impression to some coworkers that this wasn't the case.)

-She is a very stubborn person so she doesn't talk to people about this problem of hers, much less seek help when it comes to it because the fact that she can't truly help the people she cares for when they need emotional support really hurts her so she'd rather ignore and forget than deal with her lack of abilities in the area. 

-Stubbornness and ignorance are notably her most negative traits (“I was never taught and I will not learn” sorta thing). This extends to circumstances other than her loved ones emotional needs because a lot of the time she will be dismissive or ignorant about certain things solely because they don't affect her directly nor anyone she cares for.

-That being said, she is very outwardly nice and shows care to others. Very chatty and outgoing, pretty much the opposite of her brother and niece since she can talk to people very easily. She's on good terms with pretty much everyone from Tsurugi's division and talks quite frequently to other foundation workers as well. Though she is rather blunt and says whatever comes to her mind at any given moment.

-Before the tragedy she worked as a personal bodyguard in Towa city, this busy and sometimes dangerous lifestyle led to her distancing herself from her brother a lot as they grew older. It wasn't anything intentional, just life bringing them in separate ways so while she did love her brother and his family a lot they didn't see each other super often, it was mostly during holidays, funerals or events like some of Ayame’s competitions or similar situations. This became one of her biggest regrets late in life as she wishes she could have spent more time with them.

-She broke her arm pretty badly when a client was getting ambushed and was set to stay out of business until recovered. Once she was dispatched from the hospital Ippei and Bashira came to drive her home and help her settle back, alongside doing some catching-up. That was the last time they saw each other.

-When the tragedy broke out she became stranded in Towa city because of all the chaos and the Warriors of hope hunting down the adults. Her arm was still broken then, but Mai is a rather reckless person and went around fighting despairs and rescuing other citizens in spite of her injury, which led to her injured arm getting broken and slashed in many other places which then led her developing a nasty infection that she just kept fighting on her own for months until she and a group of adults managed to leave the city.

-She was brought to a hospital pretty much immediately after by the group's leader and by that point she pretty much couldn't feel or move her hand anymore and the whole area around her arm gave her immense pain. When she started getting treated the staff tried to contact any family member which led to them contacting the Kisaragi foundation and upon informing them that she was in their care Rei requested that Mai should be moved to the foundation’s hospital facility, which was where she stayed for the majority of her recovery.

-There wasn't much Hikaru or any of the medical scaff could do to save her injured arm so she had to have it amputated to avoid further spread of infection, but at this point Mai couldn't even think much about the fact and just told them to do whatever it takes to make the pain stop. On top of losing her arm, she also became prone to infections out of how bad hers was.

-It was when she was recovering from surgery that Tsurugi came to speak to her, he apologized for the foundation taking so long to rescue her, alongside informing her how the place functions and most importantly letting Mai know that her brother and his family had died. It was only after he left that the weight of this information and everything Mai had gone settled in and, for the first time ever since the tragedy started, she cried.

-The thing is that unlike her brother, an overthinker who thinks ahead and carefully plans everything in life, Mai tends to throw herself into things head on just hoping that it will all work out in the end and while she's going through things she doesn't stop to think much about the details until it's over. So it was only as she was recovering in the hospital that she thought about everything she had gone through, everything she had lost, and for once tried to think of what her next course of action should be while going through these feelings.

-That being said, she never fell into a depression or took the loss as hard as someone like Keisuke did because that's just not the kind of person Mai is. Somewhat similar to her ignorant demeanor, her way of dealing with grief is mainly by occupying her mind with other things, like going places she enjoys or focusing on training and work. The last one being the reason she joined Tsurugi's division pretty much immediately after being dispatched from the medbay.

-Mai’s an action woman! She has a lot of energy and loves getting into fights, especially if it is to protect others, so it's no surprise she joined his division and not Rei’s or Teruya's. But when it comes to Tsurugi's ideals Mai is by no means a follower, she thinks he's insane, way too radical, but so far his black and white mortality hasn't affected her or anyone she cares for directly so she turns a blind eye to it, this is the guy who pays her after all. (This does change post Sdra2, especially after Keisuke almost shoots Midori)

-She was assigned to be in charge of the new members basic physical combat and self defense training, especially for those like Ryutaro and Keisuke who had no experience in this line of work before. This is part of how she ended up becoming a close friend of theirs, though Mai tends to treat Ryutaro (and Midori by extension) more like younger siblings rather than coworkers.

-The foundation provides her a prosthetic for use only during missions (by Tsurugi's orders). Mai doesn't mind that since she doesn't actually like having the prosthetic on, it feels more like a trouble to put on and use than it's worth, she much prefers not having one at all.

-On a similar vein, Mai isn't a fan of the work uniform, she finds it way too stuffy and clunky so she only puts it on right before going on a mission, alongside the prosthetic arm. Tsurugi doesn't take that well, as he sees it as Mai not taking work as seriously as she should, but she is one of his best soldiers so he refrains from picking up on her.

-Onto some more miscellaneous information. Mai’s apartment is rather disorganized and messy, but for her it’s fine because she knows where everything is, even if it's not in the right place per say. Bashira used to jokingly pick up on her over it.

-She’s also a pretty bad cook, can only really pull off simple meals which is why she's a huge fan of takeout and fast food in general.

-Back in Ippei's late teens/early 20s she was the one to keep pushing him to take initiative and ask out Bashira, though that help absolutely came alongside teasing her brother for being so shy.

-They were really close then, Ippei would even pick her up from school everyday n all. This strong care stayed strong over the years even after they started seeing each other less and less after moving out of their childhood home, and even less after their mother passed away from old age sometime around the late 2000s.

-She never spent much time with Ayame but oftentimes when she would feel self conscious about her lack of femininity her parents would mention how she's just like her aunt on that aspect

-Mai has her brother's collection of music vinyls at her place, she's not the biggest fan of classical music, but listening to it reminds her of him.

[xtinyslip]

"OH, I WILL BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT. HOW COULD YOU? I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT PRIVY TO A LOT OF WHAT HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF HERE. ARE YOU? IF SHE'S NOT LIKE MY SIDE OF THAT FAMILY. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HOW SHE'S IN CAHOOTS WITH MY FATHER? HM?" the two of them and their secret family meetings. she was just like them. it was strange how when she said them, she wasn't talking about herself ; not that she was letting herself be fully aware of that yet. "you said it yourself, yes? no one lasts that long around me. what makes you so different. hm?" her head tilting. yes, she fully expected him to answer. cee was very prepared to snap over him, to tell him it wasn't possible. that she would never have trusted anyone with that information. that required a level of opening up to someone that she had never reached but… he knew. how could he possibly know any of that? no one knew. no one cared enough to know. "that's --" she wanted to tell him it was a good guess or -- ANYTHING, other than to face whatever this meant for her but… it couldn't have been a guess. for him to say that, to know exactly how her father made her feel. he knew about the room? "what is this? what i am not seeing? how -- is this a test?" was this her father's work? because as far as she was concerned, there was only one other person who knew what he had just said and that was her father. no, she told herself it couldn't be. "do you really think i'm that insecure? i would attempt to murder a CHILD? because you wished to spend time with them? you must be aware of how that sounds?" she wasn't going to claim she understood it, she didn't know what a normal parent/child relationship was like. "it doesn't look like i have a choice but to trust you." would she leave it all behind? the strange thing was it genuinely hadn't occurred to her once, until he had mentioned it. once he had, it was like that thought had already developed lasting roots inside of her. like it had always been there. "… i don't get to leave." would her father ever let her? and disgrace the family name by disowning it? him? it was like she knew how bad it could get, even though in her memories it had never happened. she sensed it. "YOU SAY YOU CAN HANDLE ME BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE ME LOOKING AT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT?" why couldn't she look away? it was simple. she talked herself through it in her head, and when it came to tearing her eyes away from him. it was like she was refused. "I EXPECT TO STILL HAVE THAT CAKE. i want the satisfaction of putting it in the bin when i get to my apartment." would she? well, she couldn't just admit now that she wanted to eat it. she shouldn't be smiling over it but right now she couldn't help but grin back against his mouth. it annoyed her that his grin was catching or at least, she wanted to be annoyed but all of that was fading away. the closer they got, the harder it got to deny that somehow… she knew him. she knew how he felt, she knew how he tasted, she knew… everything and at the same time, it was out of her reach still, like she didn't know anything at all BUT SHE DID. "you were not foolish enough to turn that into a competition. were you? you know i will win. i hate you THAT much." her one hand twisted tightly into his hair, suddenly she was starting to wonder how the hell she had been able to ever breath without him? her lips crashing back against his, pressing her back against the side of the elevator as she tried to pull him as tightly to her as she could. @fcdcdmcmories

"DON'T, OKAY? SHE'S... SHE'S NOTHING LIKE THAT. SHE'S NOT A PEDERSON IN ANYTHING BUT THE NAME. SHE WASN'T RAISED ONE. SHE'S DIFFERENT AND.. KINDER. she loves our kid. i've seen it. she's nothing like the other side of your family." shaking his head, as he found himself scoffing again. was she in this much denial because she was well aware that he was RIGHT? because she knew that he had seen right through her defences? or.. had he? "i did. i did last long enough to see all of it. or.. i think that i did. maybe it was all a lie too. MAYBE I ONLY SAW WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SEE." he stopped for a second, unable to.. well, fight her on that. no, it wasn't a subject that he would ever use against her. not when - no matter what had happened after that, no matter what she was and no matter what she had done - he knew how much it had taken for her to tell him that in the first place. "i know.. i know what he's capable of. YOU TOLD ME ALL OF IT. what he did to you.. after your mother died. the room. how he'd keep you there sometimes, for.. weeks at a time, without.. anything to eat. ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT.. YOU FELT LIKE YOU COULDN'T BREATH WHEN YOU WERE AROUND HIM. that you were suffocating. that the only time that you felt like you could breath was when you were with.. me." his words did something strange. for a second there, it was as if something flashed right before his eyes - the sight of a coffin and the sight of dirt where.. something - or someone - had been buried. AND DREAD. A WHOLE LOT OF DREAD, THERE AND THEN. fuck? what the hell was that? he shook his head, trying to shake the thought away. "i didn't.. i.. it... if not you, then.. no, it doesn't make sense. it had to be you. you didn't want my attention anywhere else. you already hurt gabriela once. i-- it makes sense." did it? because.. if he wasn't so caught up in the situation, maybe he would have seen that he was just repeating the words that elaine had told him back then. wasn't he? when she placed her hand over his mouth, he froze-- startled by.. the proximity. "i.. i wouldn't tell anyone. it's funny - you.. you never said that until here, but.. I KNEW IT EVEN BEFORE. I KNOW YOU'D LEAVE THAT NAME BEHIND IF YOU COULD. him." she hadn't needed to tell him anything - he had known. hadn't he? yes. it had all been there and as clear as day to him. perhaps it still was. he knew that. "well, then.. i.. i... look away! i don't know -- just.. STOP THAT! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU USED TO!" because it was making him feel like he used to and that was dangerous. with what she had done? yes, it was. it was. "oh, i'm sorry - i'm not the one that lost her shit over a damned cake, am i? WHICH - FOR THE RECORD - I KNOW IS YOUR FAVOURITE. NO NEED TO LIE. not when i've baked one for you a lot of other times before. i know. i know you." he hated it. hated the way that he found himself grinning against her mouth, hated the way that he pulled her closer on instinct and how it felt like he could finally breath. it wasn't mean to be like that - he was meant to HATE HER. "NO WAY. I HATE YOU WAY MORE. YOU'RE THE ACTUAL FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE." he meant the actual opposite and perhaps, the way that he moved forward again to crash his lips against hers desperately showed that much. / @xtinyslip

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

[if-we-are-free-tell-me-why]

every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal

[taegularities]

some men are textbook villains fr

[einsatzzz]

art time-lapse of this piece that i posted in IG b4 to try out doing reels. i really like how this turned out overall plus "yasashii suisei" (link for eng tl) really fit the vibes so im queueing this here too

[navree]

unfortunately the percy jackson show means percy jackson discourse which means i once more have to see dogshit takes about rachel elizabeth dare, who did literally nothing except have a relationship with a boy she liked for a couple months, but the freaks are at it again because there's no worse crime in the world than being a girl getting in the way of a ship for a nanosecond

[skrunksthatwunk]

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)