#i want the people i like to be happy but it sucks to know that nobody can be happy w me ig

[muxshwriting]

history is written by the winners

Jake Seresin x reader

summary: sure, there's a lot of history between you two but that doesn't mean anything bad. it's only what you make it || word count: 1841 || masterlist

You’d grown up in a small rural town in Texas, surrounded by farms and cattle ranches. There was only ever one boy, the one for you. He was perfect in every way, caring and kind. It was perfect, but perfection never lasts. He joined the navy as a pilot and one day, he was just gone with a kiss to your cheek and a sweet smile.

You were lost on where your life was heading, wandering the great expanse of the future alone. Eventually, you find yourself in San Diego, enrolled in college and working at a small beachside bar, spending all your free time basking in the sunshine and soaking up the warmth. You’d finally found your rhythm when life decided to throw another player into the melody.

It had been a busy night, patrons filtering in and out, groups of naval officers inhabiting corners and ordering ring round after round. You were clearing a round of bottles near the pool table when a familiar Texan twang made you turn. And there he stood, smartly dressed in his naval uniform, laughing with his friends and telling them a story about some plane he flew.

"As I live and breathe, is that Jake Seresin?" Your voice seemed to cut through the buzz as he span to see you, face going slack in disbelief.

"Y/N?" He laughed in disbelief, rushing to hug you tightly, relishing in your touch. You almost didn't want him to let you go but he did, stepping away to look at you properly.

"Who’s this?" One of his fellow pilots asked.

"This is Y/N, we’re old-"

"We grew up together," you interrupt. "Back in Texas."

A low whistle echoed through the tension between the two of you as Jake simply laughed it off and held you closer to him. "What have you been up to? What are you doing here in San Diego?"

"I'm here for college." You answer slowly. "Life doesn't end after high school, doesn't end when people move away or leave you behind." You know it's cruel, throwing Jake's choices in his face but you'd never been able to release your hurt before. It finally made you feel free, but you couldn't stop the pangs in your heart as you saw Jake's face fall. "Tell you what," You offered a compromise. "Meet me after my shift and we can grab a couple drinks and catch up?"

Jake flashes his signature smile that makes you feel weak in the knees. "I'll be waiting for you."

True to his word, Jake is waiting at the entrance to the bar when you clock out, jacket in hand. Silently, you lead him over to your car, driving him back to your condo. When you turn the engine off, he lean over you to stop you from getting out, his face ending up inches away from yours.

"I'm sorry."

You can feel his breath on your cheek, warming your skin. Or maybe that's the blood rushing to the surface.

"I'm sorry."

He says it again, his lips brushing against the side of your face. He's intoxicating, an addiction you'll never be clean from.

"I'm sorry for leaving. Please say something."

It takes all you power not to give in and let yourself belong to Jake Seresin in that instance. "I forgive you, I always did." You whisper back. "I can't be mad at you Jakie, not when you're so happy here."

Jake pulls away and sucks all the air out of your lungs as he does. He says nothing and does nothing, which infuriates you. Part of you was expecting him to blow up at you, or do anything else.

"Do you want to come inside?"

"Share a couple drinks?"

"Like old times?"

Jake smirks. "Like old old times or…?"

Playfully, you push his slightly, opening your car door and getting out. "No Jake Seresin. We’re not there yet, get your mind out of the gutter."

A couple of beers later, your feet are tucked under you as you lean against Jake on the couch. Things were probably moving to quickly but you couldn’t find it in you to care.

"What if we tried again..." The suggestion was unexpected as he turned to face you.

"Tried again?" You ask him in disbelief.

"Yeah. I could take you out for a couple dates, see how things are."

"Us? Try dating again?" You wanted to make sure. Was he being serious?

"Yeah..." Jake trailed off, not sure if your reaction were positive or negative.

A small smile appeared on your lips as you shuffled closer. "Alright Jake Seresin, we can try this again but you better have some exquisite dates planned for us."

"Only the best for you ma'am."

You couldn't stop the smile growing on your face. "And you better keep up with the ma'am, yes Jakie?"

Jake swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yes ma'am."

The days dragged on and the pair of you were steady. It worked, like it always had. Perhaps fate had been waiting for the two of you to reunite. It seemed strange, that you could find your soulmate in the first boy you ever kissed, the boy you would always run back to. No one else was worth it, no one else made you feel that way, only him.

Jake finally convinced you to come to the bar with him and his friends on your day off, promising you wouldn’t be dragged in to work. It felt weird, walking through the door for pleasure and not to serve old folks and naval officers all night. What didn’t feel weird, was to walk through the doors hanging off Jake Seresin’s arm.

"You just had to break out the old cowboy hat, huh?"

He’s looking down at you, beneath the brim of his stupid cowboy hat and can’t hide his smile. "Only for you."

You smirk, reaching up to his head and plucking the hat from his. You waved it in the air for a moment before pushing it onto your own and silently challenging Jake with your stare. "Well?"

"You're treading dangerous waters Y/L/N."

"Fight me Seresin."

"Oh, I plan to."

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[sanarsi]

Flying days and nights

ex-boyfriend!Dieter Bravo x f!Reader

Summary: You and Dieter broke up because of his addiction. Despite that, he's going to do anything to have you in his arms again. Warnings: pure angst (but with happy ending), reading offensive comments, self-hatred, mention of drugs, addiction, drunk!Dieter, toxic relationship, mention of suicide, emotional instability!reader, mention of rehab, sub!soft!Dieter Wordcount: 5,4k An: This is pure angst because I've been feeling like shit lately and I wanted to lash out :) Enjoy reading now or later when you're in the mood for some sadness xx Music I worked with: Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex

Masterlist

Everyone already knew.

You and Dieter broke up.

It shouldn't have surprised you, because you knew who your ex-boyfriend was, and yet, you were shocked by how many things had appeared about you on the internet in such a short time. It had only been two weeks, how on earth had everyone found out about it?

Stupid question.

You knew the answer very well.

You were furious. At yourself, at him, at the whole fucking world that judged you even though it didn't understand. You had been through hell for the last few months of your relationship, and now you were going through another because you had become the villain in this whole story.

You didn't know why you were doing it.

Maybe to finish yourself off? Maybe so you could be even more furious at him.

But you were fully aware that you were sitting through another evening with wine, reading more nonsense about your relationship.

"I would never leave him."

Oh, you're sure they would not. His fans had an unhealthy obsession with him.

"Everyone knows that Dieter has been taking drugs for a long time, so she definitely knew what she was getting into."

Of course you knew, despite what the whole situation was about, that's how you two met. At one of the parties. He snorted coke off your stomach and then proposed to you to marry him. Romantic and that's what he was like from the start. Sweet, a little naive and so damn in love with you.

An unwanted smile spread across your lips at the memory.

"Stupid bitch. Instead of helping him, she chose to leave him. Have y’all seen recent pictures of him? He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks."

You saw it. How could you not?

He looked like a wreck.

Shame that people only saw it now and not a few months ago when it all started like you did. Everyone had a lot to say about how awful you were for not wanting to help him with his addiction. But how long can you beg someone to go to rehab only to get a contemptuous look and have them swallow a few more pills right in front of you?

Yeah, that's what you've been going through day in and day out for months.

But who would know that?

"Dieter, I would treat you better than her."

You snorted dryly and took another sip of wine.

"Of course you would," you said sarcastically under your breath and locked your phone before throwing it on the table. You felt so fucking empty, and your rage was the only thing that kept you from going crazy.

Life suddenly became too calm.

This whole toxic world had sucked you in too much for you to be able to snap out of it just like that. You felt downright uncomfortable, being in silence, alone with your thoughts. You were very aware of what you were going through in that relationship, and yet, you missed him.

It was stupid because you left on your own, you decided to leave him because you were sick of him, you were tired. No, tired is the wrong word, you were exhausted.

Constantly fighting with someone you love is the hardest fight and no one blamed you for having had enough of it. All your friends showed you support, understanding. Hell, even his mother said you were too good for him, that you deserved better.

So why, despite all the bad that was happening, there were only good moments in your memory? Moments that made you start to miss him.

His laughter, movie nights together, the next time you cried while playing ‘The Last of Us’.

That's why you felt like shit and deliberately beat yourself up by reading random comments. You wanted to be bad, you really did, but only because the old Dieter was still alive in your head. Your Dieter.

Your crazy Dieter, who could scream in the middle of the street how lucky he was to have you.

Your lovely Dieter, who took you to every gala and meeting, bragging that he had the most beautiful girl in the world.

Your sweet Dieter, who loved to cuddle you because ‘you are so soft’.

Your fucked up Dieter, who dressed up as Cupid for Halloween and shot you in the ass to spend the whole night in the hospital with you.

You hated him.

You hated him for what he had done to himself, for putting drugs above what you two had; and what you had was so fucking special. You hated him for loving him so fucking much. It hurt the most when you realized he didn't love you half as much as you loved him.

You cursed him and those damn drugs that had taken your sweet Dieter and replaced him with a vile son of a bitch who would call you the worst names while you flushed his stash of cocaine down the toilet.

You shivered at the bad memories and finished the rest of your wine. You didn't want to think about it anymore, your therapist told you to calm down for at least an hour before going to bed, and surprisingly, he was right.

You put down the glass the same moment your phone started ringing. You looked at the screen with a smiling photo of your ex and all your insides twisted painfully. Cold sweat poured over your body as you stared at the screen as if frozen. You didn't know what to expect.

Why would he call you?

He was probably stoned and barely conscious. It's possible that he even forgot that you broke up.

The flood of thoughts kept you from answering, which disappeared the moment when screen displayed a message about a missed call. You swallowed hard, finally noticing how fast your heart was pounding. Despite the alcohol in your blood, the feeling of panic only grew.

Even though your phone had long since gone black, you continued to stare at it. He hadn't spoken to you in two weeks, so why did he do it now?

Had he run out of drugs? Did he want to apologize? Did he want to call you names? Maybe he wanted to ask if you were back to your senses and wanted to come back to him? He would have welcomed you with open arms to his apartment, which was probably in ruins now. He was just doing drugs and you were cleaning. Since when were you gone? All that was left was him with his shit.

The screen lit up again with a new notification. You sharpened your gaze, reading the text of the message.

Dieter: Please, can we talk?

You stared at the jumble of words, unable to think about anything. He was sober, that much you could deduce from the fact that he didn't make a single mistake and used punctuation marks.

He wanted to talk and he was sober.

It sounded pretty impossible, so out of pure curiosity you decided to reply.

You: Still on drugs?

Three dots appeared in the corner so you patiently waited for his response.

Dieter: Baby…

Dieter: Just please, hear me out

An uncontrollable snort escaped your lips. Of course, what else could you expect?

You: Then we have nothing to talk about.

You angrily threw your phone on the table when it started ringing again and just went to take a shower.

When you went to bed, your phone already had a few missed calls and a dozen messages. You held back your curiosity and simply closed your eyes, wanting to fall asleep as quickly as possible. Forget about the fact that he wanted to contact you and wake up in the morning knowing that peace still reigns in your life.

Knowing your luck, you barely managed to drift off to dreamland and the persistent banging on the door, perfidiously brought you back to the real world.

With a loud growl, you looked at your watch and groaned agonizingly when you saw that it was well after midnight. Who in their right mind would decide to knock on your door at such an abnormal hour? You wanted to ignore it, telling yourself that it was probably a mistake, but the knocking did not stop and instead turned into an annoying tapping rhythm.

Barely able to see anything in the darkness, you headed towards the front door. You turned on the light in the hallway, wincing at the glaring brightness, and looked through the peephole in the door. The staircase was dark, yet the quiet knocking did not stop.

A feeling of anxiety went through your body, waking you up a bit from your sleep. You didn't want to spread unnecessary panic, but you immediately thought about calling one of your friends to come and check what was going on.

You would have done it if you hadn't been stopped by a quiet voice calling your name.

Without thinking too much, you opened the door and left the apartment. The first thing you did was look towards the floor, where you always found him. As usual, you were right, he was sitting against the wall with a misty gaze and a half-empty bottle of whiskey. You'd be lying if you said you were surprised at the state in which he came to you. Honestly, you were more surprised that he managed to come to you at all.

"Dieter, what the fuck?" you snapped, seeing the state he was in. Messy hair, dark circles under his eyes, slightly sunken cheeks and a wrinkled shirt with poorly buttoned buttons. Still, one of the better forms you'd seen him in recently.

His lost gaze fell on your angry face and for a moment he just looked at you as if he hadn't seen you in at least a few years. It was possible that two weeks on a constant high lasted that long for him.

“I called you,” he managed to choke out.

“Yeah, and I didn’t pick up.” Your sharp tone clearly upset him, so you sighed loudly, trying to control your nerves. “Dieter, what do you want?”

“I want to talk.”

“You’re drunk,” you announced, as if that would give him the answer to everything.

And it did.

“I know, but—”

“Come when you’re sober.”

You didn’t want to repeat this pointless dance again. There was no point in even trying to talk to him because he’d probably forget about everything within a few hours. You didn’t have the strength for that, especially in the middle of the night.

“Please, can I…” he began uncertainly, catching your attention. “Can I sleep here?” You immediately wanted to say no. You could have called a taxi, even waited for one of his friends to come pick him up, but then he added in a breaking voice, “I don’t want to be alone in that apartment again.”

You would be fooling yourself if you turned around then, closing the door in his face. You wouldn't be able to even sleep a wink, knowing that he was sitting by your door, drunk and with tears in eyes.

You were angry, you hated him and wanted to say many unpleasant things, but you were human, and he was important to you. And despite everything you went through, you felt sorry for him when you saw him in such a state, even though he brought it on himself.

You sighed loudly and rubbed your tired face, knowing that you were doing the wrong thing. "But first, go wash yourself," you barely said resignedly, and Dieter was already standing on his own. Gratitude lurked in his gaze as he smiled sadly at you.

Without a word, he pressed a bottle of alcohol into your hand and entered the apartment, immediately heading to the bathroom. You stood in the hallway for a moment, staring at the interior of your place, wondering what you were actually doing with your life.

Relationships like yours had no right to survive, at least not in the long run. You knew that, and yet you didn't want to face reality. You wanted everything to be like it used to be, when you were happy, in love. But what was the likelihood that your desires would come true whenever you wanted them to, he didn't.

Tightening your fingers around the bottle, you went back to your apartment and the first thing you did was pour the rest of the whiskey down the sink. You watched with satisfaction as the amber liquid disappeared down the drain while the shower water could be heard in the background.

The desire to sleep faded away with every minute you walked around the living room, preparing a blanket and a few pillows to make the sofa suitable for sleeping. You didn't even glance towards the bathroom as you walked past, heading to the bedroom.

You don't know what possessed you to leave the door ajar and only then lay down in bed, reaching for your phone. Since the situation was already what it was, you didn't see why you should hold back from reading his message.

Dieter: Baby, please

Dieter: I know you're mad at me, I don't blame you

Dieter: But it's been two weeks now

Dieter: I want to explain and apologize

Dieter: Can we, I don't know, meet up and talk?

Dieter: I don't expect anything from you, I just want to see you

Dieter: I really miss you.

With each message it was harder and harder to read. You had no idea if it was because of tiredness or what was happening now, but you were overcome with emotions that you didn't want to feel because they were the reason you were so damn exhausted lately.

The next messages were over two hours apart.

Dieter: Im so sorry

Dieter: For evrythin

Dieter: I know its all m fault

Dieter: I was horrible n I treated u even worse

Dieter: shouldnt be surprised that u left

Dieter: But goddamn I really miss u

Dieter: I am drunk n its so fuckin stupid but I even miss the fact that u would shout at me rn bout how irresponsible I am

Dieter: wish u were here.

Dieter: u probably sleepin by niw

Dieter: God

Dieter: I miss sleepin with u

Dieter: I hate bein alone in that fuckin bed

Dieter: Sheets still smells like u.

You felt your stomach tighten uncomfortably as you read each word. Unwanted tears welled up in your eyes so you quickly chased them away and only then did you notice the last message.

Dieter: I signed up for rehab. Im leavin on monday.

Your heart beat faster but you didn't know if it was because of the content of the message or because Dieter suddenly appeared in your doorway.

You looked in his direction not being able to tell if he was talking to you or not.

"You have everything in the living room," you said the most obvious thing that came to your mind.

You couldn't see him very well in the darkness but you knew that the silence between you was starting to drag on. You didn't want to hurry him or chase him away.

You actually didn't know what you wanted.

"I saw," he said quietly, uncertainly.

"So what do you want?" you asked more sharply than you intended but you weren't going to correct yourself, he should know that you were mad at him.

You are, or at least you were a moment ago, until you read that damn message. You wanted to believe it was true but it was more likely that it was drunken babble so you didn't get your hopes up.

"Can I sleep here?"

You frowned when the screen turned off by itself so you could see him better. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt with some character from the game. Of course you didn't get rid of his stuff, you simply couldn't.

"I already said—"

"I mean here, with you."

You fell silent for a moment.

Did he really have the nerve to show up at your door in the middle of the night, ask to stay and now force himself into your bed? Of course he did, it was Dieter.

“No,” you answered seriously.

“Please.” He didn’t give up and despite your words, he entered, closing the door behind him.

You tensed as you watched him slowly approach the bed. “I said no, now get out.”

“You know I hate sleeping alone.”

“Sounds like not my problem.”

Your sharp tone didn't stop him from lifting the sheet and sliding in next to you. The bastard had known you too long not to know that beneath that mask of rage was just a little girl. A little girl that he had hurt and wanted to make amends.

“Dieter…” you said warningly.

“Please, just for today.” You clenched your jaw tighter, trying to stop yourself from telling him what a selfish asshole he was. You were too tired to start an argument that would lead to nothing good. “I won’t touch you.”

“You better not.”

With those words, you simply turned your back to him and pulled the sheet closer over you, as if it would protect you from feeling his presence. Despite the raging and conflicting emotions inside you, you forced yourself to close your eyes. Your attitude made it clear to him not to talk anymore and to just go to sleep. And you were honestly grateful that he was holding on to the other half of the bed.

But despite the minutes maybe even hours passing by, you realized how much his messages were bothering you.

What if they weren't just drunk words or an attempt to extort attention. What if he really decided to start treatment?

You couldn't believe it.

Because how on earth did you not manage to talk him into it, but breaking up with him did the trick? After the way he treated you, you were supposed to believe that he suddenly missed you? That he wanted you back? Bullshit.

„I’m sorry.” His quiet words pierced the space between you.

You listened but didn't intend to speak. Still, he knew you weren't sleeping, if you were, you'd probably be cuddling up to him by now. It was in your nature to like to cuddle up to his side, wrapping leg around his waist and hide face in the crook of his neck.

So you could deceive yourself but not him.

"I fucked up," he continued despite your silence. "I don't know how to explain myself because I don't know what was on my mind at the time. I just wanted more and more."

Sadness settled in your heart.

So much bad had happened and in return you got such damn poor words.

"And suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night all alone."

You didn't want to hear it.

You didn't want his words to have any effect on you, but you couldn't stop pinching your nose from holding back tears.

"At first I wondered where were you. Maybe if it’s me who forgot that you went to some friend, or maybe you were sitting in the living room late reading another romance." You almost let a small smile creep onto your lips. "And only after a moment did I realize that two days earlier you left the apartment saying that you wouldn't witness my suicide."

Just thinking about that day, something inside you broke again.

You had shed way too many tears that night.

"I didn't realize the meaning of your words at the time. But then it hit me. Hard."

Well, it was good that he understood at all what you were talking about considering the state he was in at the time.

"You had been fighting with me for months. You were with me despite the state I could sometimes get myself into, how I could treat you even though you only wanted to help me. And for that I want to apologize and thank you. If it weren't for you, I would wake up in my own vomit every other day."

These were the things you tried to forget about. Life with him had turned into a living hell.

Looking at it from where you were, you wondered how on earth you had managed to survive so many months living like a private nurse.

Sometimes you wonder if it was still love or a desperate attempt to save someone you once loved.

"I haven't been able to take anything since then." Those words surprised you enough to make you shiver uncomfortably.

He hadn't taken anything in almost two weeks? It was hard to believe after the state he was in when he visited you today.

And as if he was reading your mind, he continued, "I decided to clean up the mess I made before I could even try to look you in the eye. And—" his voice broke. You resisted the urge to comfort him. “And it took me longer than I thought.” You heard him swallow hard, trying to control the tremor in his voice.

You didn't even want to remember affairs that you took care of for him during his drug streak.

From an ordinary girl you became an actor's girlfriend, his lover, best friend, then manager and then executioner and nurse.

Life had a way of surprising, but you never thought it would be to such an extent that you wouldn't recognize your reflection in the mirror.

"And today I finally got to see you, but you didn't want to," he said sadly. You barely held back a snort. "I'm not surprised, but I still hoped you'd at least want to hear my apology."

Maybe you wanted that, but not when you were still a mess and wanted to see him on his knees, begging for forgiveness. You didn't want to talk to him while still under the power of negative emotions.

You were a fan of resolving issues through calm conversation. And you were doing just fine until you met him and your arguments could be heard by your neighbors a few floors down.

"I took it a little hard," he admitted, embarrassed. "Being sober and under constant stress, and without you, was fuckin’ hard."

You could hear in his tone how tired he was of it all. But for him it had only been two weeks. For you? A little longer.

You felt sorry for him, you really did. But you also felt sorry for yourself.

You put him first for so long that you forgot that you are also a human being, that you have feelings and needs, that you also have the right not to be strong.

"And after everything, you didn't even want to talk to me. It's just," he sighed heavily, "it kind of killed me. So I'm sincerely sorry for showing up at your door in the middle of the night, but I couldn't stand being alone in that apartment."

Well, the only silver lining, if you could call it that, is that the last two weeks haven't just been tough for you.

You had been together for so long that suddenly being alone felt strange, alien.

And maybe it shouldn't, but you took comfort in the fact that he missed your presence too. As stupid as that might sound after what had happened.

The silence on his part began to drag on and you didn't know if he was thinking about his next words or waiting for any reaction from you.

His heavy sigh convinced you that he was waiting for your words that never came.

"I don't know if I've ruined everything to the point where my words mean nothing to you and you'd love to throw me out the door, but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for what I've allowed myself to become. That it was more important for me to snort coke right after waking up than to tell you that I love you while eatin’ you."

At those words, something dangerously boiled in your lower abdomen.

You didn't want his words to have that effect on you, but your body knew better, feeling the hunger for his touch.

You couldn't kill the feeling of longing that grew with every word he spoke.

You were weak.

For him.

Because of him.

You didn't know the difference.

“And even if it doesn’t change anything, I wanted you to know that I’ve checked myself into a three-month rehab.”

You stared blankly into the dark space, trying to catch the slightest sign of whether or not he was lying. Surprisingly, he sounded serious, even a little scared at the thought of what he was talking about.

Another prolonged silence almost convinced you to answer him. Almost.

"And I’ll understand if you say no, but I would like to know if maybe you want to visit me sometime," he said hopefully. The feeling of sadness only grew in your chest. "The resort is in Switzerland, that's why—"

"Where?!" You opened your eyes wide and sat up in surprise, turning towards him.

Dieter was slightly shocked that you decided to speak, so for the first few seconds he just looked at you with his mouth parted.

"In S-Switzerland," he repeated uncertainly.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I have to fly to Switzerland several times a month just to talk to you for like… probably half an hour? Do you know how much it will cost?” You frowned, hoping that this was some kind of bad joke.

This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what he was expecting. Seeing your face, he realized that he had probably assessed the situation a bit too optimistically.

“But we’re rich. I don’t see—”

“You are rich, Dieter,” you corrected him sharply, “not me.”

Your words hit him harder than either of you could have anticipated.

He blinked a few times, staring at you as if he was seeing you for the first time in his life. He didn't want to admit it, but he didn't expect things between you to be in such a bad shape.

"Baby, I know things aren't great between us," he began, also sitting down. Slowly as if the slightest overly aggressive movement could scare you away. “But nothing has changed on my end. I love you and I want to fix everything,” he said confidently. “Or at least have a chance to fix it.”

“I fucking hate you, did you know that?” you said with audible sadness that made him look down.

Now that he was sober and could see what he had gotten you into, the guilt was eating him up inside. He hated it when you were mad at him, and even more so when you looked at him with such hurt eyes. It made him feel like the worst bastard in the world.

“I figured it out when you left me,” he whispered.

The sadness in your chest turned to sorrow as it became harder to hold back the tears with each passing second.

You weren't ready for this conversation, but would you ever be? Was it even possible to be prepared for something like this?

“I know it’s fuckin’ selfish of me,” he began, sighing heavily as he gathered enough courage to look you in the eye. “But I want to know if you’ll at least wait for me.”

He was serious, you could see it in his eyes. He really wanted you to stay with him.

He had the courage to ask you to stay with him, to wait.

You stared at him without a word, but this time he patiently waited for your answer. He was sure that he would succeed. He wanted to get better, for you, for himself. He was determined to get back the life he had. Because he was damn lucky to have you in his life and he only realized it when he woke up without you cuddled to his chest. He woke up way too late but he couldn't turn back time, he could only fix the present and take care of the future.

He wanted so bad for you to give him a second chance and you wanted to give him one. You weren't able to cross him out of your life. He was one of the most important people in your life. There was even a moment when you realized that you wanted to spend the rest of it with him. But things got fucked up quickly.

The worst part of it all was that even if something like this happened again, you would be willing to forgive him. And you were afraid that it could be your undoing.

“Of course I'll wait for you,” you said, losing all strength to fight.

Dieter looked at you for a moment as if he couldn't believe that such words could come out of your mouth. He looked as if he was speechless and unable to process the information correctly and if it weren't for the context of the situation, you would have laughed. Instead, to convince him of your words, you smiled crookedly and shrugged. It was as if it woke him up from hypnosis, he blinked a few times and snorted in disbelief.

“Really?” he asked hopefully.

You shrugged again and let a soft smile permanently grace your face. Thanks to him, you realized that love could be pretty messed up.

“Well, a few years ago, I was shot by cupid and I think his magic is still working,” you said seriously, and his face was priceless when he realized what you were talking about.

“Well…” he started to say but instead burst out laughing. “Yeah,” he nodded, shaking his head in amusement. Just a silly sentence was enough to make his eyes sparkle again, something you hadn’t seen in a long time. “I missed you.” He smiled shyly and you knew he was still testing the waters.

"I know."

"Don't say it back, huh?" he asked with a smirk, even though he knew the answer and wasn't going to force you to do anything.

"You didn't deserve it."

Despite this, your gaze was still full of warmth, but he knew that to get back what you had, he would have to try really hard.

"Fair enough," he nodded, not wanting to argue because he knew it was true. He didn't even know how he deserved you. “Can we cuddle now?”

You had to admit you wondered how long it would be before he asked that question. The little boy inside him was just waiting for you to give him a sign that he could touch you, so when you barely reached out your hand towards him, he pulled you to him in a second.

You moaned as your lips crashed painfully together. You couldn't fight his longing kisses because, damn, you missed it yourself. You placed your hands on his cheeks and allowed yourself to slow down a bit. He didn’t object, he never did. He just luxuriated in your soft lips and delicate tongue, and it wasn't until he could melt under your touch that he realized how much he missed you.

“Don't ever do this to me again,” you whispered against his lips.

“I won’t,” he gasped, stroking your back. “I promise.”

Tags some babes who might enjoy @bbyanarchist @axshadows @lover-of-books-and-tea @jhiddles03 @tobethlehem

[prince-liest]

The more comfortable I get with the inpatient workflow (knowing how to order things, how certain things work and are done, how to navigate the EMR, etc), the more happy I am to realize that inpatient rotations aren't actually all that bad in terms of the work of them. They suck specifically because they are exhausting 12-13 hour days, 6 days a week and you simply do not get to have a life while you're on this rotation but while I'm at the hospital, it's pretty much fine.

I wish I had the time and energy to work out and also not eat two out of my three meals every day of hospital food, and more time to rest, but I'm also relieved that I definitely do not actively dread or fear going to work every day like I was worried I might. Like, it sucks, but it's not active misery, yfm? My spirits are high. Definitely not super tenable, though.

Also, I have ED next and honestly fuck the emergency department. So glad there are people out there that enjoy emergency medicine, but I am simply not ADHD enough for that shit. I didn't have any bad shifts on my first ED rotation but I still disliked the whole workflow and baseline stress levels.

Anyway, things that did stress me out this week (CW dire hospital shit):

lady who kept threatening to leave the hospital against medical advice because she hated being there that much, even though she had an infection for which she needed an IV-only antibiotic or else she would almost certainly die. everything kept going wrong. she could go home with a central or midline cath; her line was peripheral; picc team couldn't put in a picc line because of her surgical history, so we had to go to interventional radiology and put in a Hickman line; we found this out on Friday and so she wasn't scheduled until Monday; on Monday she almost got moved to the next day because there was an emergency bleed during her time that IR was needed for and she said if we didn't get her scheduled in 45 minutes she was leaving the hospital. ended up discharging her at like 6pm on Monday and I ended up crying at work on Friday (the 13th! yay,,) in the resident library which surprised even me but apparently I'm not immune to "so WHAT if I die?? what do I have to live for? cancer and pain?" after three days of doing my best to juggle "doctor" with "therapist" every time I saw her. she likes me a lot which I think means I did a decent job but that really ran out my emotional energy.

the dude whose nurse called me three times in 45 minutes while I was trying to juggle discharging the above lady and doing my first admit. he was throwing things at the walls in his room because he wanted a cough drop and simply could NOT wait. what the fuck ever.

[militarymenrbomb]

Found another story:

24 Straight with a gf of 6 years and somehow ended up with a sugar daddy

Sorry this is a really long story everyone!!

I wouldn't consider myself straight anymore but I sure did about 6 months ago. Bisexual would be the best way to explain it now!

6 months ago I wouldn't of thought of hooking up with another person , let alone a guy. I considered myself pretty straight past the little phase when i was 15 of wanting just about anyone to suck my cock and watched some gay porn a few times..

I'm in a happy relationship with a great girl but we are just finishing school and don't have a lot of money. We both live at home and are trying to save to buy a house together but it's almost impossible nowadays for young people. I took up a second job at a restaurant my family friend owns just on nights being a bartender!

The tips are great usually and I found myself saving some money but we were easily years away from the goals we had even with the second job!

One night I had an older man come in that had to be about my dad's age and he sat at the bar for hours talking to me whenever he had the chance about his business he used to own or about his ex wife and kids and I listened like a bartender does, he told me that after his wife left him he decided to start getting with younger girls and guys that needed money. I was kind of taken back by his comment and didn't have much to say and made up some reason to help another customer. It was pretty awkward honestly.

At the end of the night he gave me a 100$ tip which was amazing and I was very thankful and thanked him a few times. He looked at me and said there's alot more if you really want it and slid his number over on a piece of paper and walked away. I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash and finished my night that was about to end.

As we were cleaning up and leaving , I did the trash and saw the number.

I was curious how much money he was talking about, and what he really wanted from me.. I took the number and texted him asking what he wanted out of curiousity.

I texted him "hey it's Jay from the bar" and he answered back "Oh hello, you're taking up my offer then?" I answered back asking what he wanted.

He said to come over when I'm off, he will be naked and he just wants to cum all over my chest, no touching. For 1000$. "Simple" in his words..

I couldn't believe he'd pay 1000$ for that... I honestly thought it was so weird but figured it was a pretty harmless way to make 1000$ blinded by the money and agreed.

I went to his house pretty nervously and reluctantly, I almost left about 4 times before knocking on his door.

He was there naked and jacking off already and said to take my shirt off and anything else that I didn't want cum all over. I was feeling very very weird and felt kinda trapped in this now..

I was going to see my gf after so I couldn't have cum on my stuff. So I took everything off but my underwear which seemed to excite him..

He got me to kneel infront of him and tell him about my girlfriend which led to me telling him I've never been with a guy in my life. He was clearly very excited by that and came quickly all over my chest. I've never seen so much cum in my life and I just stared from my knees while his cock kept cumming ..

He leaned over and handed me ten 100$ bills and said "that's just the starting pay ya know"

I took it , cleaned up quickly and got dressed.. thanked him and went home feeling pretty shitty and sure I wouldnt do it again..

After the fact in about 2 weeks I couldn't believe I had 1000$ for a 5 minute stop home.. and started thinking if I let him do that every little bit we could buy a house in no time... so i texted him again...

Asked if he wanted to do it again to which he responded "Every stop you go up a level, 2000$ and you're naked this time and I want to see some pictures of your girlfriend while I make myself cum"

I didn't know what to say, but again convinced myself it was a pretty easy step up for 2 grand and now I didn't have to do it two more times, just this 1 more time! I went and did it , completely naked and showed him a few naked pictures of my girlfriend, he came hard and I left with 2 grand telling myself never again.

2 weeks later... again somehow now curious what level 3 would be to make 3k... at this rate I realized by level 4 I would of saved more money in this period then in a year. So I said to myself let's see what level 3 is.

I texted him again and asked what level 3 was , he responded with a "oh hey again... level 3 is you naked, jacking me off to pictures of your girlfriend, 5k this time for that."

I didn't want to jack him off honestly and ignored him for a few days thinking about it. Money clearly was my weak spot and I reluctantly agreed again and went to do it. I went in and got naked handed him my phone of pictures and grabbed his what must've been 8" cock and started to jack it off with both my hands like I would like it to make him cum hopefully fast. He loved every second of what must've been about 5 minutes of my jacking him off for him to release all over me. This time it hit my face and I was really grossed out and taken back by it which made him laugh?... kinda pissed me off and I took my envelope of money and left pretty upset with myself.

I now had 8k in 2 months and I didn't need anymore money that quickly. I was done and ashamed of myself but the money did make me feel alot better.

I told my girlfriend I won it at the casino with my friends and we realized we were only 10k away from our goal!!

Looking back, I sometimes wish I never heard we were 10k away..

Because now my brains trying to find quick ways to make 10k! And we all know now where my mind instantly went to. Level 4...

".... what's level 4...."

"Knew you'd be back 😉"

"What is level 4?!"

"Level 4 is you sucking my cock."

"10k if you try to swallow my cum"

I got up and headed over. I didn't give a fuck anymore, just suck this guys cock, make 10k and it's all fucking over with. I'll never make the money I did this fast ever again.

I walked in, got naked and on my knees and just went to town on his cock. I didn't want to over think it and went at it like ripping off a bandaid.

I was about 2 minutes in and realized ripping a bandaid is done once you do it.. sucking cock doesn't work that way.

I looked up and he was smirking at me and telling me I was a good boy, and I was amazing at sucking dick for a "newbie"... he grabbed my hair and just sat back and enjoyed.

I kept sucking his cock to his comments of being a good boy and slut and I fucking liked it kinda.

I was enjoying sucking his cock ? I started to eagerly suck faster and want him to cum which he did, all in my mouth...

He held the back of my head and grunted loudly shooting shot after shot which I just tried to keep swallowing..

When he was done I just sat in my kneeled position kinda horny, kinda embarrassed..

He said "good slut, I'm fucking you next, text me tomorrow when youre ready!"

I got up.. agreed and got dressed and left.. I went home put the money away and just took a shower to think... I jacked off to the idea of him fucking me and texted him like he asked without a thought.

I went over to his house the next day and he made me suck his dick again, which I happily did. He sat down and told me to ride his cock and give him my virgin ass... he poured lube all over and I listened. I slowly put it in which hurt alot honestly and felt pretty terrible. He didn't care and moaned and enjoyed all of it.. even me hurting I think honestly..

The terrible pain lasted 5 minutes maybe even 10 and I was having a horrible time and questioned my whole life I think until it didn't hurt.

This man fucked my ass for an hour and made me cum harder then anything in my life. (I can tell a full story about our sex later)

I left with 0$ that night. Didn't even ask for the money.

I have gone back, 3 to 4 times a week to suck this man's cock and get fucked by him for free everytime for the last 4 months.

I seriously think I'd pay him if he said no.

I'm his fucking slut now and I don't understand it.

I can't stop going back, I can't stop doing it and I seriously am considering breaking up with my girlfriend and just being his little boy which he keeps asking me to do...

Still honestly can't believe this is happening.

[astro-inthestars]

I fucking hate how the world came to this point.

I just. i HATE the fact that after MILLIONS OF YEARS this is where we end up!

All these *standards* and *norms* of how things "should be."

What defines what makes someone beautiful or desirable or just PASSABLE!! It drives me up the FUCKING WALL!!!

WHY DID WE DECIDE THAT ANY SINGLE ODDITY ON A PERSON IS UGLY OR UNATTRACTIVE!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHYYY THE FUCK DID WE DO THAT!

They did it so what??? so so what so there's a bar to be set?? so some people are above the others??? or some capitalist BULLSHIT to sell more beauty products???

Because GUESS FUCKING WHAT ASSHATS you're just!!!! HURTING PEOPLE YOURE JUST HURTING PEPLE YOU'RE HURTING A FELLOW FUCKING HUMAN BEING YOU SHARE THIS FUCKING EARTH YOU WALK ON AND AIR YOU BREATHE!!!! YOU'RE JUST HURTING THEM!!!!

FUCK!!!

I FUCKING HATE FATPHOBIA!!!!

The most AMAZING FUCKING PEOPLE I know are FAT and they're BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE THEM!!!! BUT THE WORLD DOESN'T WANT ME TO! FUCK THEY DONT EVEN WANT THEM TO LIKE THEMSELVES NOT EVEN A LITTLE AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS???

MY BROTHER, MY BEST FUCKING FRIENDS, THE LOVE OF MY GODDAMN LIFE- I. I just

fucking hell man . fucking hell. watching my brother insist a diet that limits what he and my mom eats feels like my insides are being put through a meat shredder. my girlfriend my. oh my god fucking hell- the most gorgeous person i have ever fucking met thinks she's not beautiful because she's gaining weight. do you know how fucking painful that is to watch??? you just feel so hopeless as you stand and watch because because it's been planted in their brains that gaining weight would deem them unlovable to the rest of the world and it HURTS SO MUCH and i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i HATE IT

I just fucking wish all the hatred in this cruel fucking world just fucking vanish into thin air so people can be themselves and people could love themselves and be okay and happy and healthy and safe but it's not like that and I. fuck im just tired man. im just tired.

i guess i just wanted to scream to the abyss because i just feel so frustrated and helpless because i cant do SHIT i cant do shit im just im just some kid man! im just some kid who loves too much and it sucks because i cant fix everything. im just a kid that wants the people i love to be happy. is that too much to ask for..?????

[thirstyvampyr]

It's okay, it happened a long time ago. Yeah, I don't think that matters.

[fisheito]

emotional support wolf meets too-shy-to-live sneetah

[crownedwille]

.

[sciderman]

Hi, I would love to ask more in the "ask blog", I just need to know, what are the current events that are going on?

Are they still on the plot on St Valentin, or is the theme with Harry the main conflict?

the main theme in the blog is whatever you ask about ! that do be how it works

[aroanthy]

being gay and aromantic is wild because people will accuse you of hating gay people because you (checks notes) wish people would be a little more critical of romance as a patriarchal structure. the thing is that rgu literally does this, it examines and interrogates how romance is a patriarchal structure. every time i talk about aromanticism in rgu people get very upset about that, as though aromanticism impedes queerness— i did not realise we were still doing exclusionism so bare faced. every time i talk about aromanticism, people get upset. im not even talking about it in relation to the show, instead making a general throwaway post about the weight that people afford anything that deals in Romance, and i get told that rgu is a romance and i should cry about it. like. what? rgu made me realise i was aromantic. i was already gay and that gave me the final piece of the puzzle.

to be gay and aromantic does not mean you Just Have Friends (? what does this even mean, let’s unpack this statement at a later date): to be gay and aromantic means myriad things for myriad people. it means queer sex, it means queer connections that aren’t defined as ‘romantic’, it means queer attraction, it means queer understanding. nothing about this devalues romantic queerness, though i must say that every time i post about aromanticism someone has to qualify my words with a statement about how romance is cool too. and sure, it is, but you can maybe understand how that’s exhausting when you actually want a meaningful conversation about your identity. anyway aromantic people i love you aromantic people and gay people i love you gay people (i am both. godbless goodnight)

[mamawasatesttube]

you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually

[knifekris]

every day i struggle to make choices

[bunnihearted]

sorry but everytime i go outside i realize how far away, how detached and distant i am and how i simply do not fit into society. i just dont. and i dont even want to anymore. i only feel right when im in the forest, or interacting with animals and bugs, when i sit by the sea, and also when i interact with the few people my heart feels calm with. ... im just so wrong and i dont belong here and it is so painful and idk what to do because other than death, i do not have a choice

[slutdge]

ill just be minding my business and then remember how fucked the experience i had with cps was and just how fucked cps is in general and actively harms the children its supposed to be there to help and get so mad i dig a hole into my skin with my nails so deep it starts drawing blood

[ghostzzy]

idk since i made that post earlier i've just been thinking about all the ways adults were weird and shitty to me because i was gender-nonconforming as a kid. because i MIGHT grow up to be a lesbian or, worse, transgender. and how much it sucked to figure out my identity under those conditions -- where every adult i'd ever met had already figured out What I Was and hated me for it, and i had no idea. idk it's just sad. i'm sorry baby izzy went through that.