#i want the overwhelming anxiety、the pure FEAR、to drown me

[unityrain24]

everything is getting so tiring and i'm falling behind... in getting schoolwork done, in hygiene, in household chores... and the weirdest part is that my mental illnesses arent really getting worse though. Usually all of those coincide with when my depression/anxiety/ocd/ etc get worse. But they arent. they're still like... dormant, like they've been for an uncomfortably long time. I need them back. I need them to come back. I need my mental illnesses to be my whole life again. It's been so long. I need to be me again.

[pretzel-box]

hello! do you perhaps do smut things? If so! Perhaps sebastian and his husband with some smut? I know hes married to..zerum but her toxicity in the servers been enough for me!!

if you dont do smut or dont want to do this PLSS sebastian comforting an anxious (male plspls) reader? Tysm!! You rock and i love ur feed!!

The memories of the drowning

words: 1k

status: barely proof-read

tags: male!reader, slightly sequel to Suffocated , married established relationship, mention of anxiety and panic & comfort in the end

author note: I'm probably one of the people that currently hate on the devs for their behaviour, which makes me write x reader stories in first place. Zerum isn't included in the game, which means she can't be married in canon to Sebastian. She's a real person, not a pressure character. So congrats, y'all can marry our beloved merchant in your own headcanons! ♡

Every time you close your eyes, the events of the past replay in the depths of your mind, vivid and unrelenting, replacing your dreams with painfully realistic memories. The horrors you faced in the Hadal Blackside refuse to fade, instead etching themselves deeper into your consciousness with every passing night.

The different screams echo endlessly in your ears, a cacophony of terror that leaves an uncomfortable ringing, dulling your senses. Your body, conditioned by the countless encounters with unspeakable horrors, twitches involuntarily at the memory of how the floors and walls shook violently with every terrible angler attack. The sensation of those tremors, the sickening anticipation of what was to come, still lingers in your muscles, a reminder that survival was never guaranteed.

At this point, you can't lie to yourself anymore. The time spent in the depths of the Hadal Blackside has mentally scarred you, leaving wounds that may never fully heal. The darkness of the ocean wasn't just physical; it had seeped into your mind, haunting you in the night when your body relaxes from the survival modus only to switch back into pure panic.

Sometimes, the weight of it all comes crashing down on you in the dead of night, overwhelming you with the sudden, terrifying realization that you are trapped in a facility full of death traps, thousands of feet below the surface. The oppressive pressure of the ocean above feels like it's bearing down on you even now, crushing you under its immense, suffocating weight. The knowledge that you are surrounded by darkness and danger, with no escape, no reprieve, gnaws at the edges of your sanity with each passing second, making the experience worse.

Your eyes rip themselves open as your whole body starts to tremble uncontrollably. Cold sweat drenches your skin, making the sheets cling to you like the tentacles that once threatened to drag you to your doom. Your hand clings to your shirt, grabbing it tightly as if the fabric could anchor you to reality, grounding you in the present and warding off the terror of your memories.

The breath hitches, coming in shallow, rapid gasps that only feed the growing panic. The ringing in your ears intensifies, drowning out any attempt to calm yourself, until it feels like your head might split open from the noise. Desperate to silence it, you press both hands over your ears, squeezing your eyes shut in a futile attempt to block out the memories, the sounds, the overwhelming fear that consumes you.

But even with your eyes closed, the darkness offers no comfort. Instead, it brings the images flooding back, the twisted, writhing forms of the creatures you barely escaped, the cold, uncaring walls of the underwater facility, the endless corridors that seemed to close in around you with each step.

The faint hint of fluorescent blue hovered in the corner of your eyes, casting a soft, eerie glow across the dimly lit room. It was a color that had once sent chills down your spine, a reminder of all the deaths you had experienced. But now, it had become a familiar presence, a sign that you were not alone.

Sebastian had stirred beside you, waking from his own troubled nap. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close against his chest. The gesture was silent, but it spoke volumes. He knew the weight of the nightmares that plagued you, the way they clung to your mind. He couldn't lie, he was in a very similar spot, haunted by his own memories of the Hadal Blackside and all the things Urbanshade did to him.

As his arms encircled you, you felt the coldness of his body seep through your clothes, a stark contrast to the warmth of his embrace. Yet, instead of making you shiver, it grounded you, reminding you that you weren't lost in the darkness of your mind. He was here with you, sharing in the burden of those memories.

Sebastian held you tightly, as if trying to shield you from all the monsters that have threatened to pull you under. His other free arm moved gently, fingers threading through your hair in a soothing motion. The rhythmic, repetitive strokes were comforting, helping to slow the rapid pace of your heartbeat and calm the storm raging within you.

He didn't need to say anything. His presence alone was enough, a quiet assurance that you didn't have to face this alone. He understood your fear, your pain, because he had lived it too. The horrors of the deep had scarred you both, but in this moment, you found solace in each others company.

Gradually, the tension in your body began to ease. The panic that had gripped you loosened its hold, replaced by a fragile sense of peace. You closed your eyes, not to shut out the memories, but to focus on the feeling of Sebastians arms around you, his fingers in your hair, the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. His tail moved, wrapping itself around you, and you couldn't help but melt into his touch.

In the silence, you could hear a faint sound. But it was Sebastian’s heartbeat, slow and steady beneath your ear, that anchored you. With him, the memories didn't seem as overwhelming, the darkness not as suffocating. He was your lifeline, pulling you back from the brink.

"You're safe," he finally whispered, his voice barely audible but filled with certainty. "I got you." He leaned down, placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head, and nuzzled into your hair. "I keep you safe, didn't I promise you that in my wedding vow?"

You nodded against his chest, not trusting your voice to respond. His words were simple, but they carried a truth you desperately needed to hear, and you felt blessed to have such a protective husband. For now, it was enough. You were safe, wrapped in his arms, with the knowledge that whatever came next, you wouldn't have to face it alone.

Sebastian continued to hold you close, his touch gentle and reassuring, until the tremors in your body subsided completely. As you drifted off into a more peaceful sleep, the fluorescent blue light dimmed behind your eyelids, leaving you in a quiet, comforting darkness that was no longer filled with terror, but with the warmth of his presence beside you.

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Since I was gone so long I thought I might do a little reintroduction 🧠

Hey people I love! 🫀

My name is Colson but you can call me Col or Jinx. I was on here originally as Jinx before my Tumblr disappeared but for about two years I've been back and mostly used Col. I'm great with either 🌹

I'm a trans man, he/they 🏳️‍⚧️

I'm mostly a Yungblud and Machine Gun Kelly fan page, I do fics, updates, and pic edits but I do a little bit of everything with a lot of my life sprinkled in, sometimes including my health problems (I'm open about all of it if you ever have questions) I actually love questions and asks as long as people are nice 🖤

Just thought I'd introduce myself in case any of my mutuals are new. This is somewhat of an 18+ blog, at least leaning that way but all I mean by that is sometimes subjects are a little mature. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoy! Stay a while if you want just please be respectful. I don't tolerate any racism or hate against the LGBTQIA+ or mental or physical health hate. I'm sure I'm missing something but you get the idea I'm sure. I love you all and I'm here if you need me!

-Col the Jinx 💕

🖤 Masterlist 🖤

Yes Daddy Verse/Saga of Smut

Dom x Colson

Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly

I Think I'm Okay (prequel)

5 Times Col Came in His Pants and 1 Time He Finally Made Dom Do It

Drown Out The Demons

Romcom Bullshit

Much Better Workout

Sex and Candy

Claimed in Ink and Cum

Sweet as Sin

Yes Daddy

Spoiled Princess

What Daddy Likes

Like I Love You

Reverse Cowgirl Barbie

Sex on a Stick

Baby Boy

Pure No Longer

Sext Edits

Adventures in Toyland

Full on Sex Symbol

They Felt Eternal

Their Natural State

Ride or Die

Sin on Stilettos and a Cotton Candy Soul

Crimson Coated Candy

Piss Drenched Devil

Chocolate Kisses and Golden Showers

It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

Sin in Snow White Taffeta and Latex

Freshly Fucked and Beautifully Filthy Manhandled Marionette of a Bride

Watercolor Wet Dream Come to Life

Drifting Deep in Hopefully Wet Dreamland

Flesh to Flesh

Five Times is a flashback series in the Yes Daddy Verse, it is set between the prequel and the first chapter- Yes Daddy. I placed it all in order 🖤

Adventures in Toyland is a follow up series to the Yes Daddy Verse, I'll still list them all in order and may add to any sections at any time. Let me know if you have ideas! 🖤

It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding is a follow up series to the Yes Daddy Verse happening after Adventures in Toyland, they're all listed in order and you guessed it, the boys finally get married! 🖤

-Omegaverse AU-

Gunpowder and Watermelon

Autocorrected Anxiety Attacks and Messy Sexts

Pachyderms and Pointed Teeth

Knocked Up Knockouts and Cheesy Puns

A Little Less Sparkle, A Little More Reality

The Overwhelming Significance of Surprisingly Small Jellybeans

The Folly of Fracturing Sharp China and Soft Hearts

Fear and Lusting in London Flats

The Inevitability of Egos Clashing and Vicious Tongue Lashings

Of Sugar and Spice and Virgin Tight Asses

A Rebel's Yell and a Gangster's Paradise

Candy Hearts and Paper Cut Families

Photogenic Admissions and Confessional Panic Attacks

Little Shop of (W)horrors in a Pastel Hell

The Inescapable Moment of Truth and the Consequences of Open Black Hearts

Milk Chocolate Cherry Kisses and Birthday Wishes

Working Out the Kinks Under Hot Lights and Wanting Stares

The Taming of a Wild Boy

The Dynamics of a Bright Future and How to Reach It

Pride and Phenomenal Passion

Stereotypes and Salt in the Wound

What to Expect from an Expecting Omega

Patched Up Cuts and Mixed Up Blood

Alpha, Omega, a Nuisance, a Rebel

Lost Boy in Toyland

Starry Eyed and Punch Drunk

Mirrored Reflections and Babes from Outer Space

Believing in Love Songs and Tall Tales

Go Down Just Like Holy Mary

Piss Kinks, Morning Drinks, and Brand New Nicknames

Animated Arguments and Matching Love Languages

Screaming and Dreaming for the Future

Son of Rage and Love

Son of a Bitch and Edgar Allan Poe

Couch Confessions and Heavy Petting

Early Spawning and Other Lessons (Family Don't End With Blood)

One Flew Over the Klepto's Nest

Old Magic and Animal Aptitude

Strawberries and Cinnamon Toast

Your Body is a Wonderland

Born With Horns

In the Midst of Mild Madness

What's in a Name?

Spare the Rod Spoil the Alpha

To Cut or Not to Cut

Our Blood Got Mixed Up So I Guess We Belong to Each Other

Feels Like the Very First Time

Headboards and Scratched Tats

Best Alarm Clock

The Beasts Inside Disguised as Beauty

Popsicles and Pink Cheeks

The omegaverse AU is separate from the Yes Daddy Verse. The boys are still themselves but in an ABO world. Alpha Col and Omega Dom

-The Viking and the Fae- (an AU)

Where the Sea and Land Kiss

A Chieftain's Vow

Under the Thrall

The Long Sword's Hilt

Taste Like the Sea

Inga Knows Best

Feast Fit for a King

How the Waves Dance

The Forest Meets the Sea

The Soulmate Stalemate

The Taste of Truth and Tall Tales

The Wave Cresting

The Wave That Drowns

The Red Sea and the Viking Who Conquered It

Seal With a Kiss

A Broken Past and a Sea of Tears

The Siren's Tease and the Secrets Spilled

War and Pieces of Each Other

The Storm that Rocks the Waves

The Hush Between

Viking/Selkie AU. Separate from other fics but still Dom and Colson

[no1heyyyyyyyy]

A new kind of being

This is a multi part series that I am writing. It doesn't really have a plot other than a slow burn fluffy story about two people.

C/W: Some angst, a hopeless femme lesbian meets a hopeless stud, Sevika is more angry and uptight than normal (mainly because I’m still learning how to write her and because I feel that when someone gets their arm blown off they have a bit of a right to be more of a bitch than usual), some angst, Silco’s backstory, injuries explained in graphic detail, mostly slow burn fluff.

A/N: To preface this: Charlie (MC) is autistic, a lesbian, and AFAB (uses they/them pronouns, though they still consider themself to be somewhat femme) Charlie’s also black and midsize. Also, this is a HUGE self insert (almost all of my writing is, but never mind that). And I will be writing these installments in bulk, so keep that in mind that it WILL take me seemingly forever to write this story (but know that a large amount of content will be published at one time because of it).

X amount of years ago.

Charlie was picking flowers by the lake. They do this every Wednesday night on their way back from the Undercity Market. Normally they sit on the driest piece of land they can find and they think. Breathe in, breathe out. All the smells of the Undercity are so overwhelming, but Charlie had learned how to deal with it from a very young age (we close our eyes and we take a steadying breath and move on). They also learned that solitude is the best form of safety: if no one knows you then no one wants to harm you (for the most part). It was their mother’s motto: Talk about (or stick your nose in) other people’s business, get ready for it to come to your door. And you never let it come to your door. At this point, they were in their 20s and Charlie’s mom was 6 feet deep with flowers that were replaced every two weeks. Charlie loved their mom, and she realized from a young age tha-

Wait a minute. What is that? Charlie was standing now, their overalls shuffling as they did. Anxiety was beginning to build as they scanned the area in case someone needed help. And someone did. A man was drowning. Good thing Charlie knew how to swim.

They jumped in the water and swam as hard as they could all the way to where the man was sputtering and struggling to breathe. The splashing was getting louder and they were trying to push their muscles harder to get themselves to that man. Finally, their arms were around his waist and Charlie pulled him with them all the way to the shore (which looking back on it, they were sure was the result of pure adrenaline and fear). They got him on the ground and immediately started doing chest compressions. 

His eyes flew open and water came catapulting out of his open mouth. Charlie turned him on his side so that he wouldn’t choke on the water that was spewing out of his lungs. 

“Are you okay? Janna, please tell me you're okay.” The man kept hacking up the fluid in his lungs and he was staring at them all the while. His eye, they noticed, was ruined, absolutely wrecked (Charlie didn’t want to even begin to wonder why). His breathing wasn’t exactly normal, but he was breathing (so Charlie at least, was thankful). Charlie used this time to break down completely (they’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, but that’s neither here nor there) and the tears came down in waves from their pretty honey colored eyes. Charlie’s hair came out of its style and now needed to be treated with a nice clarifying shampoo and a really good deep condition. The man started to move towards Charlie, still huffing slightly,

“Who are you, and why did you save me?”

CHAPTER ONE/I

Charlie was ready to call it quits with this garden. They really were tempted to stomp back inside their little house, take a shower and fall asleep. See, they (with the air quality being lightyears better in the Undercity at this point) had this dream of having a vegetable garden since the Undercity had piss poor produce. They would dress in their finest and sneak past any bullshit ��border control’ Piltover to get their fresh produce. They didn’t take pride in having to go outside the Undercity just to get good food, but alas that was their plight. 

Another plight was being Silco’s friend. They would have wine nights once a month where they’d get together and Silco would rant about how Jinx was doing and how Charlie needed to visit them in the city more because Jinx needed their aunt around (that may have been true, but it was really because Silco didn’t know what to do with his pseudo daughter just yet). Charlie would always chuckle and take a sip of their decently priced red, saying they would think on it. The truth was that Charlie had taken what their mom always said to heart (don’t get into anyone’s business, else you want a horse head in your sheets), so they were apprehensive to see what was going on in the Undercity. Because of this (and don’t tell nobody this but) Charlie didn’t know jack about Silco’s happenings, didn’t know about all the effects of Shimmer, didn’t know about the child labor. They did know he ran a gang, but everyone ran a gang in the Undercity, you had to just to get by. All in all, they were not ready when Silco showed up at their door, with a mountain of a woman with an amputated arm, asking them to look after her continuing care.  

This woman, mind you, was easily a head taller than Charlie’s 5’7 stature. They felt somewhat dwarfed by this woman, she was just so big. Beautiful, rich dark skin that was smooth besides the scars that plagued her body throughout (but Charlie already found themself adoring those already too), she had jet black hair that was set in a bob and was currently tousled and messy right now. Her thighs were godly in that she could crush a windpipe in between them so easily. And her biceps (or bicep, as this woman had a huge bandage around her shoulder, and no second arm in sight) were as large as one of Charlie’s thighs. Needless to say, they found this woman to be gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking. 

Silco’s silent. His breathing ragged as he was helping heave this woman into a position of some stability. She looked incredibly put out just being there. Charlie, darling, could you look after Sevika’s care (Sir, I am not a child), she needs further supervision since Singed is paltry when it comes to any form of care. And, of course they agreed, because Charlie wanted to help this woman. Not just because she was beautiful and mysterious (and like a puzzle, Charlie loved puzzles), but because she looked to be in so much pain. And, so incredibly tired. Charlie didn’t know what Singed was doing, but whatever it was, put this woman through the ringer. This woman, Sevika, scowled and glared at Charlie the whole time (looking like a crotchety teenager filled with angst, but Charlie would never admit that to Sevika’s face, ever), sizing them up in the most uncomfortable way imaginable. Eventually Silco said his thanks, and mentioned that some of his lackeys would come by the next day to drop off Sevika’s most essential belongings. This left Charlie with a tank teeming with anger right next to them.

“So, would you like some food?��� Sevika’s head snapped around towards Charlie and they could almost hear the woman growl,

“Listen, sweetheart: I don’t know you, so do us both a favor and don’t bother me.” Her voice was deep, something Charlie picked up on before but wasn’t able to enjoy quite yet.

“Unfortunately, that is impossible for me to do. As it is now my job to take care of you. And for the record, I am highly skilled in the field of medicine and have had training as a nurse at one point. You are in good hands, Sevika. Also, you need to eat and I made cookies, if you want any.” The woman glared and sat down (with a great deal of difficulty, and just for the record: when Charlie tried to help they were damn near wrestled away) on the velvet couch next to Charlie’s cat, Fred, who was folded in a loaf position. 

“There is a guest bed and bath right down that hallway, but for now I’d like to check on you for the next 48 hours, so I’m going to have to ask that you stay in the living room for me. You can sleep on the couch, it isn’t the most spacious but it is comfortable. Feel free to move Fred, he is an asshole, but he warms up to people pretty quickly.”

“Do you ever stop talking?”

“Nope. Anyway, I’ll go and get some blankets and extra clothes if you’d like?” She nodded whilst staring at the floor, Charlie smiled, feeling good about their hosting skills. That night Sevika and Charlie ate a vegetable soup and some bread in silence. Followed by Charlie reading a book while Sevika stared into the fire alight in Charlie’s fireplace trying to fall asleep. 

Chapter two/II

Charlie was upset. They had never met someone so… Infuriating before. Granted they rarely interacted with others besides Silco and his charge. But, it didn’t matter. Charlie had known a great deal of people at one point and none of them were this insufferable or cantankerous. Sevika was like an old man, refusing any form of help whatsoever and smoking her cigars constantly (it took a while before Charlie could convince her to smoke outside). It was exhausting dealing with someone who seemed so old, yet had the rationality of a child (especially when it came to appearing ‘weak’). The difference was insurmountable, but Charlie still had faith. They were hopeful that their optimism and willingness to help would slowly allow this gorgeous woman to allow them to be her friend. But, right now that didn’t seem to be the case,

“Sevika, please don’t move too quickly, you’ll pull your stitches. Which, mind you, is currently what is keeping what’s left of your arm attached.”

“Fuck you, girlie, I’m fine.” Sevika’s words had little fire to them, making Charlie feel safer about disagreeing with her,

“You are no such thing. You are currently injured and in a great deal of pain.” 

“How do you figure, sweet stuff?” The nicknames were starting to get to Charlie, they blushed just a tiny bit before rattling off things they’ve noticed for the female mountain,

“You always prefer your left shoulder to your right one, you grimace every time you have to use the right side of your body, and for the love of Janna, I can just feel the energy you have.” Sevika cracked half a smile and shook her head.

“Obsessive are we?” Charlie’s eyes bulged out of their skull at Sevika’s unsavory statement, 

“I am not obsessive, just worried and willing to help, which you never take!”

“Because, I don’t need it.”

“Bullshit.” Sevika chuckled and waved them off. Huffing and standing up to go outside and smoke another cigar. Charlie had to slow down their breathing to stop from getting too overwhelmed. They turned off the lights in their living room and went to sit down with Fred in their bedroom. They wrote a reminder to themselves to change Sevika’s bandages before falling asleep (Be sure to change the brute’s bandages when you wake up- and get hummus from the store). They woke up and saw another note next to the one they left themself,

I’m grabbing my shit and getting food. Don’t come looking for me.  -Your ward

Charlie could feel a wave of disbelief, anger, frustration, and an absolute feeling of fear coursing through their body. Breathe in, breathe out. Do not worry, she said she’ll be back. But what if she was lying? When has she ever lied to you? Never. But I don’t know this woman that well. She could have lied this time. But, she said she’d come back. Read the letter again. Read it again, read it again, read it one more time. See, she’ll be back. Okay, she’ll be back. I’ll wait for her.

And, wait, Charlie did. By the time it struck 9pm, they were pacing and fiddling with their hoodie sleeves so much that they were almost afraid they’d rip the sleeves (again). Sevika finally hobbled through the door, Charlie all but jumped on her when she got back.

“You left.” The brutish woman rolled her eyes in a manner reminiscent of a parent brushing off their child.

“Yes, to get my shit, like I said, can you not read?” Charlie bristled, their eyes starting to squint and twitch (later on Sevika would mock them about this, though she did seem to find it cute). They shook their head, deciding to disregard her petty statement. 

“You worried me.” Sevika scoffed and put the produce down on Charlie’s counter. “And, I’m exhausted, it seems we both have problems.”

“It’s make sense you’re exhausted because you went out on a little trip whilst your fucking arm was blown off! Why couldn’t you bother to wake me up? I could have gone with you.”

“Listen Princess, I don’t need a babysitter.” Sevika got close to Charlie. Staring down at them, her slate eyes becoming more and more intense by the second, “And, watch your fucking tone.” Sevika’s voice was a hair's breadth from a whisper and the resonance of her rich voice rippled through Charlie.

Charlie’s eyes widened at the sudden change of demeanor. Sevika, raised an eyebrow and went to turn away but stopped once Charlie let out a squeak and a barely audible,

“But you’re injured.” Sevika stood to her full height and turned back around towards Charlie, her arm making her grimace just barely. 

“I don’t care.” And that was that. Sevika left the kitchen and went to her bedroom. Charlie stared after her and watched solemnly as her door closed harshly. The request to eat dinner together (as they always did) died on their tongue as the feeling of discomfort bordering on possible danger settled in their bones. 

The next morning Charlie made breakfast as usual and sat down at their little kitchen nook waiting for Sevika to lumber her way into the commonspace. In which she did not show. Charlie tried their best to wait, but they were starting to get fidgety when the food started to get cold. They sat there counting their kitchen floor tiles for 45 minutes until Charlie decided to knock on her door and see if something was wrong. 

See, the thing was Charlie had a rhythm to their life, one that Sevika fit into pretty well. They both woke up at similar times and after the first couple days of pestering the woman to come and eat, Sevika learned which time was for meals. So, to not see the Mountain Woman by this time, Charlie wasn’t necessarily worried, but more curious. 

So they stupidly wander further and further into the proverbial Lion’s den and knock on her door three times. When they were about to raise their hand to knock on the door once more Sevika swung the door open with an astounding amount of force. 

“The fuck you want, Princess?” Charlie was rendered speechless once they laid eyes on Sevika. She was wearing something more scandalous than normal. She was clad in a tank top with no bra on that showed her midriff and sweatpants that showed the tops of her boxers. Because of course Sevika wears boxers. Charlie suddenly felt very aware of their own outfit, cotton joggers and a loose tank top (in which they too, were not wearing a bra) pastel purple fluffy socks and bunny slippers. 

“Umm, hi- I was wondering if you were coming to breakfast.” Sevika kept on staring at Charlie, her eyeballs drilling into their forehead, “I made biscuits.” Sevika grunted and lazily made her way to the kitchen. Charlie slowly trailed after her and stared at the woman’s undid hairdo. Wondering what to do in this situation- which proved to be quite awkward, though, admittedly because of Charlie but that is neither here nor there. 

“I wanted to apologize,” Sevika turned around and lifted an eyebrow. “I was worried about you, and when I worry, I can become… Fairly persistent. But, I just- I want you to be safe. You have been left in my care and you scared me when you left. But, I am grateful you came back, and I apologize if I crossed any boundaries last night.” Sevika nodded her head and did her best to look Charlie in the eye (which proved difficult as they were staring at the wall).

“Thank you.” Charlie let out a small smile and moved around Sevika to sit on their previous seat in the nook. Crossing their legs they looked at Sevika and waved her over to sit across from them. They both ate in silence, but it was comfortable and quiet, filled with a modicum of respect that wasn’t there before.

[lovesick-panmess]

Protect Them

Soo I know I'm way overdue with the 3rd part of my Armageddon AU but I've actually been replaying the lessons so I get a proper feel for what I'm writing, so to make up for it and to get this idea out of my head I've been thinking about it for days here is a related fic between the oldest brothers

-------

Levi can count on one hand how many times he's seen Lucifer coming home injured. The Avatar of Pride could easily crush irrelevant demons with his glare and he proved worthy of Diavalo's right-hand man for a reason... But the first time that Levi remembers was on a travel mission with Lord Diavalo within a year after their fall from grace. It was a distant memory, seeing Lucifer stumble up the stairs blooded up and adamantly refusing care from any of them, even Mammon who was following behind his every footstep. He had gotten used to such behavior and just settled for turning up his headphones on his way to the safe haven that was his room, stopping when he noticed the eldest's door cracked open. He watched Mammon gingerly wrap the bandage around his shoulder, blinking back tears in his eyes and shaking his head vehemently as Lucifer spoke. The music was loud and distracting he just settled for reading their lips-

"Mammon I need you to do this for me.."

"I won't! There's no need, ya just paranoid-!"

Watching the tears well up made Levi shift, uncomfortable and jealous, wondering what bond allowed them to be so vulnerable so open. Hadn't they all fought their father together? Rallied behind him so readily behind Lucifer, their Morningstar that only shined a light that only Mammon was allowed to see. He lingered before continuing to walk down the hall, to dwell in his own sunken loneliness but hearing Mammon speak one more time before the door had shut.

"..I'll do it, alright? Just stop ya crying, Luci.."

He had felt the deja vu of that very moment playing out in front of him, though this time he was hiding from Mammon in his secret spot in the living room. They had planned to go to the movies in an hour and Levi knew that Mammon would try to find him to convince him to pay for the tickets yet again so he decided to wait out the time so that scumbag would have to bring his wallet. It was a surprise to see the door open, everyone else is out and Lucifer's return to be scheduled for a few more days, but instead, the eldest had come early with visible wounds and beatings. Levi felt frozen, debating on whether he should slip out to help or stay putt but once again Mammon comes down the stairs like it's his calling. "Lucifer? Let me help you!" Denial was the first given reaction, the eldest's heart too hard and stubborn to ask for help before collapsing into Mammon's arms.

Levi followed with anxiety brewing in his chest, now wanting to just hide away in his room since plans were clearly on hold and he could do nothing to help the pair. Not like they would want his help, a shitty pathetic otaku wasn't much good at bandaging wounds, not like he was able to get much practice like Mammon did. Jealousy seethed, it made his heart race as he hid to the side of the door at the mention of his name.

"We have to tell him, Mams."

"We don't have to tell him shit! It's fine like this...Levi doesn't have to be involved."

It was confusing to be thrown out of the loop, but it hurt to hear Mammon so effortlessly fight to not include him. Maybe the second-born felt that Levi wasn't worth it? Too weak and unable to do..whatever it is they are arguing about, even so, it was odd-looking into Lucifer's room. Mammon unafraid of the eldest's temper and even being so bold as to glare at him while cleaning his cuts, Lucifer had an expression of utter fondness that was intertwined with an unlabeled fear, one that only he seemed to see.

"Mammon, you know it takes a lot out of me to..admit this. I'm almost jealous that you're able to view me so..."

Shit shit shit, he had been so entrapped in their conversation and his own envy he hadn't realized that it was emitting throughout the hall. He stiffens when Lucifer calls his name, slipping out from where he was hiding and now embarrassed. "Levi..come here please." He notes that Mammon refuses to look at him, biting his bottom lip hard as he sits next to his brother, so not used to this soft tone from him. He really must have stepped into a completely different world, one where Lucifer is willing to fight tooth and nail with his own pride in order to tell them the truth. And what a horrid truth it must be.

"Lucifer what's going on? Why is Mammon..." He trails off, feeling Lucifer's hand skim through his hair, and despite his own embarrassment leaned into the comforting touch and suddenly the bottle of Demonus was looking very tempting. "Levi...I would like to involve you in something very important, in order to protect the others." Lucifer's words were slow, each one taking some kind of will to overcome his pride, his wings twitching in what Levi could easily place as anxiety and one he knew way too well. "I'm not allowed to say anything about the threat outside of the Devildom but it puts us at risk and I...There may be a chance I won't come back."

His stomach drops, he doesn't realize that he's shaking until he feels Mammon's arms wrapping around his shoulder, shaking his head in pure denial. Not Lucifer, the most powerful one of them all, their eldest brother not coming back. Such thoughts were unfathomable to even believe, much less considered as a probability to the point that they had to talk about it. Acknowledge it and take action, Lucifer keeps talking and Mammon presses Levi closer to his chest, "I talked this with Mammon since the beginning but now we believe it's time to tell you in case something were ever to happen to the both of us and you would decide when to tell Satan..."

The prospect of such responsibility makes Levi feel like a fish out of water as he gulps for air yet in that same breath go on a rampage of self-deprecation and drowning doubt. How he's not ready, he's a good-for-nothing shitty pathetic otaku, he can't protect his brothers, he's weak, he's nothing, if Lucifer and Mammon are gone then there would be no fucking hope for them. The two oldest look at each other, small bits of regret building up from the pressure and burden they had put on him, Mammon gently rubbing his back and Lucifer cupping his face. "Leviathan please breathe."

His body does it automatically before he can think about it, the air in his lungs felt like boiling water as the panic slowly dissipates in his chest. All that was left was his own soft mutterings, so sure that Lucifer was probably disappointed that he has to trust in Levi of all people to protect them, he leans against Mammon who nudges him affectionately before resting his head on his shoulder. "I...I haven't really done anything good since...I was General...how can you be so sure in me?" He asks but squirms unready for whatever the answer might be, though he's unable to mistake Lucifer's radiating pride that he feels.

"Who's the one who came up with the plan on where to steal the weapons in the Celestial Realm?"

"M-Me but I-"

"And who helped convince the others to lay low while we defended the base?"

"I did but Luci-"

"Who's the one who took an arrow for Mammon while he was trying to protect me?"

"Lucifer-!"

He gets cut off with a flick on his forehead, his lips set in a pout but meeting the Morningstar's expression that made butterflies bloom in his stomach from overwhelming pride had him turn away and looking down at the floor. "Levi, get out of your head for one second and look at how smart and tactical you are. When it matters...when there is no time to panic. You're the third strongest family for a fucking reason, you should start believing it." The unusual confidence makes him flush but it's really Lucifer's words that bring the tears, no longer from fear but slowly coming to the realization that Lucifer and Mammon too had faith in him...they always did.

"Do ya still wanna join the pact? If ya wanna think about it, ya still can Levi." He blinks at the fact that Mammon had really been silent this whole time and just hugging him, the second born now getting up to tighten the remaining bandages. "Did you think about it, Mammon?" Levi knew the answer in his gut, only the blind would question the unwavering devotion that Mammon and Lucifer had for each other, only further cemented as the Avatar of greed simply shakes his head. He feels a small smile form on his face, "Then I don't need to think about it...I want to do this."

By the next few hours, any of the remaining tension and somber feelings had slipped away, replaced by a calm atmosphere that usually would not last long in the House of Lamentation. The melody of the cursed record floated and hung in the air as Levi rested on the floor in his demon form, the pact officially made and learning about the secret doorway by Lucifer's bookcase, definitely locking that information into memory. He sees Mammon grinning above him, curiosity embedded in his features, "So where'd ya decide to put the pact mark?" Levi lifts his sweater, the symbol of the three still glow fresh on the side by his ribs, and Mammon hissing with empathy.

He wanted it to hurt weirdly enough, to serve as a forever reminder that this pain was temporary but the pain of losing his brothers would surely last till the end of time. Mammon shows the mark on his hand, Lucifer clicks his tongue in disapproval as someone might ask about the pact but the second brother waves his concern away. He enjoys looking at the pact, the constant reassurance that they would be okay when the word goes to absolute shit, and Lucifer couldn't find any argument against that. They both look at the eldest who crosses his arms with a sharp, "No-" before puppy eyes come into play and Lucifer's pride can not save him from that.

What they both don't expect is for Lucifer to turn around and spread his wings out as if to show off, but then they see it. The markings trailing up his spine and next to the scars of where his two wings used to be, Levi is the first to reach up and touch it, internally blaming the remnants of Lucifer's pride that is making him so bold. He sees his hand tremble but luckily he is able to hold his voice steady, "Just because we made this pact..doesn't mean you both get to just fuck up. Y-You both should always come home." Lucifer nods, Mammon kisses his cheek and Levi struggles to hide his tears.

When Levithan leaves the room while closing the door behind him, reality, as he knew it just a few hours ago, wasn't all that different and he can hear Asmo drunkenly cheering as Satan carries him through the door. "Hey, Levi! Don't hide in your room- you better come join us." He doesn't give his thoughts a chance, heading down the stairs with a small smile. The world hadn't changed, but Levi would be forever.

----------

AHHH THIS HAS BEEN SITTING THE DRAFTS FOREVER I'M SO GLAD I FINISHED IT. Please please let me know if I should make an explanation post of how the pacts would work (it will most likely be headcanons cause I don't know how they work in canon 😪😪)

either way, I really hope you enjoyed the fic as I did writing it! I'm still working on the next part for the Armageddon AU so bear with me 😭

[del1ghted]

♡ general relationship headcanons w/ xiao♡

↳ gender neutral pronouns used for reader

↳ warnings | none

↳ fandom | genshin impact

—

xiao often teeters the line between a gentle and passionate lover.

there are days when his fingers skid over your palms with caution, his touch ghosting over your hips as his kisses are filled with just as much apprehension. he longs for your warmth, on the occasions where he’s too afraid to make the first move he appreciates your lack of hesitance in taking his hand.

he’s much too aware of his strength and pushes down his selfish desire in order keep you safe, no matter how much he wishes to bury his nose in the dip of your shoulder. “it won’t be a problem if i touch you,” you say, his voice of reason, and eventually he gives in and allows you to take over.

although he may seem reluctant, he melts when you brush his hair and run baths for the both of you. the sense of normalcy he was never given thaws his frosted heart to the core until it feels like you’re filling him with heat.

eventually when need overrides his fears, he intends to keep you all to himself in a room at Wangshu Inn for days. phantom kisses turn into greedy make outs until your lips are wet and bruised with the intensity of his love.

his hands leave prints on your waist if you come back from a long journey, xiao only finds peace between warm sheets and his person curled around your form.

annoyance burns through him and fills his veins when you’re out on commissions for too long—turning into a petulant child when others take your attention for more than necessary.

xiao is uncaring to people when it comes to you, your safety becoming his top priority above everything else. he may be a tad possessive towards you because of his past, the fear of losing you plagues his mind whenever you’re not there to distract him.

when you venture out beyond Liyue he stands counting the seconds till your return, what would usually feel like a blink of an eye to an adeptus turns into hours for him while you’re away.

“did you miss me?” you’ll tease as you unclip your vision from your waist, setting aside the artifacts you gathered on the desk beside the bed. the answer will come in the form of xiao gripping your wrist and tugging you down into a tight hug.

there are many private moments on the balcony of the inn, xiao takes his time peppering your face instead of observing the stars above. His preferred love language is physical touch, (you can’t tell me otherwise) and he makes it very known to you.

If your hands are calloused and scarred from climbing Liyue’s mountains, he’ll kiss every scrape until the rough textures of your palms are engrained in his memory.

mornings are accompanied by the feeling of fingertips trailing along the knobs of your spine along with sleepy kisses on your shoulder. you’ll be wrapped up unproductive in his arms until you need to use the bathroom, and even after he’ll pull you down and kiss you senseless if he’s in the mood.

when arguments inevitably happen, they’ll usually be over the blunt things he said or the overwhelming need to protect you. you know he never means to hurt you, but sometimes his words cut like a jagged knife through flesh. he doesn’t mean to be rude, but it can sure come off that way especially if he’s recently dealt with his karmic debt. since xiao has met you he’s had less time to stress and hurt over his past, so when he is reminded it puts him in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

his temper becomes shorter then it usually is, he’ll snap at you if you cling too much or if you’re too reckless.

it may take awhile, but he recognizes the change of your attitude soon enough. the only form of contact you two have is a feeble squeeze along his forearm before you head off to Mondstadt, trying your best not to let the wave of hurt show on your face.

nausea and separation anxiety creep on him slowly after your departure, a commission that’s supposed to be three days turns into five, and xiao cannot help but think you left him.

“the main roads were blocked.” you explained as soon as you got back, taking a seat beside your lover once you noticed the pure worry clouding amber eyes. “i’m okay, really.”

your boyfriend, as expected, leads you to the bed where he can bury his face into your shoulder.

“‘m sorry.” it’s quiet and gentle, something meant for only you to hear.

he’s not good at expressing his feelings; there are moments where xiao will seem reluctant to be in your presence when it’s truly the opposite. for decades he’s been apart from human interaction unless it was necessary, so it’s difficult for him to show how much he loves you.

it would help, immensely so, if you’re patient with him. there are days where he’ll drown you in affection, and others where space is more wanted, and you have to accept that.

kissing you has perhaps become his favorite thing to do. he’ll trail from your forehead, to your cheek, down to the corner of your mouth before finally, properly meeting your lips.

call out his name between kisses and he’ll press against you fervently like he can’t get enough.

while he doesn’t prefer to express his love in public, hidden in the four walls of Wangshu Inn’s rooms he’ll express that you’re the most important thing to him in all of Teyvat and beyond.

[stylesberries]

Masterlist

Last Updated: 07/07/21

Thank you guys so much for all the love that you’re giving my writings. It makes me so happy to know that they’re people who enjoy reading things I write. I will be definitely adding to this masterlist, so this is not all you’ll get from me ;) - Hamida

♥ - indicates fluff

✪ - indicates smut

☹ - indicates angst

Bundle Of Love ♥

Harry reflecting upon his love for Y/N.

Despite the fact that you’ve only been dating for a couple of months, he still knew you better than he knew himself. Every stir and every little sound you made in your sleep. To everyone before him they were just stirs and sounds, but for him they had a meaning. He never lets them slip without noticing. He watches your every move carefully to make sure that he makes you the happiest he possibly can and even if that is the case, he still does everything possible to make sure you’re even happier.

Call Me H ✪ ♥

You both walk straight to Harry’s hotel room because you can’t keep hands off of each other anymore. (Is a logical continuation to Stay With Me, but can be read separately.)

“You’re very sweet, Harry. There is just one problem.”

Your eyes become a bottomless well and Harry feels himself drowning in its waters. The curiosity grows in him when he hears mystery in the way the words leave your mouth.

“What problem?” He whispers innocently, his eyes darting at you.

“I really want to fuck you.”

City Lights ♥

Harry asks you a very important question as you drive through the streets of Rome.

The hand wrapped around your side, carefully going in circles, the repeating motions slowly soothing your anxiety.

Harry lowered his head and his lips touched the top of your ears. The warm breath created vibrations against your skin and sent a charge of electricity through your body.

I really love you.

Daddy ✪

Harry wins a Grammy. You weren’t able to be there. Or were you?

“Aren’t you coming in?” Harry asked Jeff as he exited the car, his hand wrapped under his new Grammy.

“I’m not. Enjoy the night, man. You deserve it.” Jeff spoke weirdly as he closed the door behind Harry and waved at him with a suspicious smile on his face.

“Enjoy my night? Don’t you want to come in and drink with me a bit befo-” Harry spoke as he watched the car with Jeff in it drive off.

Egocentric ♥ ☹

Memories of a fight with Harry overflow you, as you wander around the house and end up playing Fine Line on vinyl.

As the first few seconds of the song echoed through the room, I found myself being dragged into a different atmosphere. The one my mental state wouldn’t let me go in without crying.

All of the insecurities and doubts, that I have been overflown with, came over me and dragged me down with them.

Fireflies ♥

Harry has been acting weird for a couple of weeks, but when y/n finally finds out the truth, it’s far from what she assumed.

“Harry, what’s behind your back?” You asked straightforwardly.

He looked uncomfortable and seemed to have been taken aback by your question.

“It’s um-” He brought his hands forward. They held a black folder visibly full of papers. “It’s m’folder with song ideas.” He seemed unsure of the statement himself, but you put the blame on the fact, that he was left dumbfounded by your actions. What was that about though?

Flower Field ♥

Harry accidentally breaks his favorite guitar, which makes it an obvious choice of a present for his upcoming birthday.

“Is it small enough for me to carry it around?” Harry tried his best to guess what exactly you were getting him. He’d been like this since the early morning when you wouldn’t tell him what you’ve gotten for him.

“It’s not small, but you can carry it around.” It was the first question, for which your answer wasn’t exactly a “no”, so Harry smiled, thinking he’s finally onto something. The party took place in a closed down restaurant that you all would go to once in a while. There weren’t many guests. Just the closest friends. “Knowing Harry, it’s probably hundreds of people.” You thought.

Full Of You ✪

It’s your birthday and Harry has an idea of a birthday present.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Harry’s hold tightening around your body and his face snuggling into the crook of your neck. You whined, fighting for a couple more well-earned minutes of sleep.

“Nopies, bunny. Don’t whine at me. We have a long day ahead of us.” Harry excitedly informs you and lets his hands snake over your sides. Your boyfriend moves his mouth over to your ear and whispers this time. “It’s my love’s birthday today.”

Gucci Jumpsuit ♥

Harry pampering Y/N despite her attempts to stop him.

“They have the heels you love. The black ones, you know? They have those in pastel colours. Wouldn’t y’love that?”

“Harr-” I tried to say something in between his Ted Talk on why exactly I have to try those shoes he is talking about.

“And we could look for jeans f’you. You wanted wide leg jeans, remember?” He continued, without pausing even for a second.

Heat ✪

Your boi’s too vanilla for your liking. He refuted that tho.

As he filled you, even more tears started flowing. Your vision turned blurry and your head felt light. All you could feel was the stretch you craved so badly.

“Daddy, please fuck me.” Words leaving your mouth without a single thought in your head. You didn’t care that you’ve never got to ask him if he was actually into such things before, acting purely on instinct. All you wanted was to be filled. All you needed was the sensation of being penetrated by the man you loved.

Love On Tour ♥ ✪

Your parents are coming to meet him but you chose to keep it a secret.

“He deserves to know.” You thought. He was going to meet them today anyways. “He won’t have time to get too nervous, right?” You kept debating on whether or not you should tell him the truth.

Your brows furrowed and your lips were pressed tight together. Harry took a look down at you, and his brows creased as well.

My Princess ✪

You tag along with Harry to his Vogue shoot. The dress is definitely a turn on.

“Ah, please,” Harry whined, letting you wrap your arm around his waist holding him from running away from your wet tongue.

“Please what, baby?” You teased him further, running your nails against the wet trace along his spine.

“Please, touch me.” He begged, pushing his back against your chest in hopes that your arm would move a little lower and touch his crotch even though he knew how much you hated it when he wasn’t patient.

Rainbow Cardigan ♥ ✪

Harry loses his favorite cardigan. You learn how to knit. (Based on the JW Anderson cardigan knitting trend.)

“I cannot lose it. I can’t. What if it’s lost forever? How could I let it out of my sight?” The sight of him so genuinely saddened by the situation made you let out a sigh. You were full of compassion and understanding, trying to remember the last time you saw the poor cardigan. Failing to do so, you turned to your crushed boyfriend and tried to get information out of him.

Right Choice ✪

Harry has a moustache now and you want to get it sticky.

“I’m all for it, so it’s up to you.” Harry nodded and started applying the shaving cream onto his cheeks.

“Just know that you have to eat me out whenever you’re done here because I’m dripping.”

Shattered Glass ☹

You feel overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and memories of traumatic events. Glass is shattered.

“Hm?” You let your eyes fall on his gentle and almost all-knowing expression.

“I said I know what you’re doing. You’re letting things get to you. I know you can’t stop the flow of thoughts but at least let me know what’s bothering you so I can try to help.” He spoke softly and chose every next word with care as he knew that if he picked the wrong words you would close off even more.

Stay With Me ♥

You meet Harry and fall in love to the art and architecture of Rome.

“You looked very passionate and I would love it if we could sit and discuss it maybe? I know it sounds weird coming from a stranger-” He paused.

“You bet, crazy man.” You thought to yourself and giggled softly, realizing that the possibility that this ball of nerves is a human trafficker is close to zero.

Vegan Cupcakes ☹

You and Harry have been quarantined together and he needs space.

Spending most of the spring together didn’t feel as suffocating for Harry as summer did. Your classes were over and you didn’t take a summer semester, so your time fully revolved around him. Which he liked.

In the beginning.

Until you clung on him like a koala for days and made him cuddle you all the time, which he enjoyed a lot until it became a routine. Harry couldn’t even tell you how he felt because it would hurt your feelings, so he didn’t say anything at all, keeping it all to himself.

Wooden Floor ☹ ♥

Reuniting with Harry after being apart during the quarantine made you realize something.

When I met Harry, and we started dating, I promised myself to give him space and not suffocate him with my love, for I was scared, that he would leave me like everyone before him did.

I had never been loved so much. I had never experienced what I gave people myself. The endless love and loyalty. Harry gave me his all, and I started feeling bad for not showing all of the love I had for him, and yet I still feared losing him because of my obsessive nature.

I sat at the kitchen table and scrolled through our texts with Harry.

© all right belong to stylesberries. do not repost or modify.

[junisfics]

Delicate — Shouto Todoroki

Pairing: Shouto Todoroki x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Content: unestablished relationship, mutual pining

Content Warnings: sexual tension

Summary: Todoroki helps reader finish getting ready for a reception

It's beautiful.

A flattering nude beige flowing down past your bare ankles, pooling around your feet ever so slightly. It's sinched slightly around the waist, leaving everything else to hang delicately from your upper arm where the sheer bell bottom sleeves meet the breast line. The silky skin of the tops of your breasts, collarbones and shoulders are bare.

It's perfect.

You stare into the dimly lit mirror that reaches from ceiling to floor, admiring the renaissance resembling gown.

But, is it too much ?

Your shoulder blades remain exposed, dress not yet zipped, as you give the dress and the entire formal a second thought. Your sleeved arms wrapping insecurely around your body to hug yourself.

Your hair, that normally remains tied up during training, falls gently over your shoulders, dipping down into the exposed valley between your breasts. Your covered, completely, but some how the absence of the area above your breasts makes the gown seem far more intimate compared to nakedness.

The tips of your lashes are tinted black with mascara. A faint darkening across your cheeks, not from makeup but anxiety.

Your time of absence before worry is beginning to run out. Putting a dress on shouldn't take more than ten minutes, but as you dragged the fabric up your training bruised legs you couldn't stop hesitating.

What's a girl if she's covered in scars and bruises? Once silky smooth legs now littered with scrapes and burns, once soft limbs now hardened by muscle...

What is that? Not a girl no...

"y/n?" Momo's kind voice breaks your thoughts apart, her knuckles rapping against the door, "Todoroki's here, are you ready?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Um- one momen- give me a second!" You exclaim, your arms dropping to your sides in panic as your hands scramble to reach behind you to try and pull up the zipper.

He's going to think you look like a guy in a dress, he's going to think you look dumb, God, he probably looks so nice and you look...

Another gentle knock.

"Momo, I said 'one second'!" You repeat, turning around to watch your fingers struggle to grip the zipper. Reaching around your waist then up over your shoulders, using one arm to try and force the other further, then switching.

"It's Shoto."

You could scream.

You've had a crush on him since first year. First time you ever saw his pretty face you knew you wanted him. But not his money, not just his face or his body... you wanted him.

Within the past years you've met his mind and his heart, you've learnt his greatest fears and desires. You've learned how he scrunches his nose when he focuses or how he's right handed but eats with his left, how he has to rip every last tag of his clothes because they bother him when he sleeps.

"I-um... sorry give me-"

Without a care in the world he pushes open the door, stepping onto the white tiled floor.

He first notices your hair, draped softly over your shoulders. It's a contrast to your usual school and training style, it always got in your way while you worked.

He can't stop his hand from reaching out and tenderly brushing the hair beside your cheek aside, knuckles grazing your cheekbone. You look so delicate.

Then his eyes fall to your neck. He admires the fragile skin along your jugular that swoops over your collar bones. His favorite part is where your neck meets the top of your shoulder, he can't look away from the curve between them.

You're gaze first meets the red bow tie that's tucked into his white undershirts collar. It's perfect, it matches his half crimson hair almost exactly. If anyone looks beautiful it's him.

Your eyes meet his only briefly before they dart away to stare at the faucet.

"Sorry- um, can you... zip me up... please?"

Shoto's breath gets caught in his throat, he feels like he's going to be sick the way his stomach lurches at your words. He jerks his hand away from your face, only now realizing how embarassing his actions might've been.

"Y-Yeah." His once stoic and emotionless demeanor crumbles, a bright red blush coming upon his face. He thanks whatever being exists that he can now disappear behind you.

His slender fingers take your hair from one shoulder and push the entirety of it over the other, revealing your bare neck. His fingertips brush against the sensitive skin, goosebumps covering your body.

He pauses and looks over the silky skin of your back, taking in and adoring the beauty marks that appear here and there on your flesh. He finds the zipper sitting at the small of your back and his hands hesitate to reach that low on your body.

From afar, Momo and Ochako peek an eye at your interaction. Mumbling under their breath with childish smiles across their faces as they try desperately to not disturb the two of you. Their hands gripping at each others biceps in excitement.

"Tsuyu... look" The shorter girl whispers, an obvious bit of joy leaking into her voice.

Tsu follows the girl's finger to meet the two in the bathroom. Todoroki's hand meeting your waist as he drags the zipper up it's line.

Your heart jumps. His hand warm, comforting, grounding not only your dress but you. You could've floated away from pure adrenaline. His breath fans across the back of your neck as he steps closer to pull the zipper to the very top, over your shoulder blades.

He's so close... you can feel his polar body temperatures. Your right tricep prickled with goosebumps but your left twinging in subtle pains at the heat radiating from him. It's a shock back to life.

His mere presence is overwhelming, you're drowning in him; his energy, his scent, his touch, all you can feel is him.

His lips press against the fragile skin of your neck and you think your heart has stopped. You look up from your fiddling hands to the mirror in front of you. His pretty eyes closed shut and hair falling into his face.

Ochako squeals and Todoroki jumps away from you in reaction, back hitting the wall behind you. The girl jumps at Momo, pushing the both of them away from the doorway and out of your field of vision.

"You look beautiful."

[ampintherain]

I’m Yours:

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Chapter II

Y/N is Kenny Ortega’s ‘niece’ after going through a rough breakup, Kenny decides to fly her over to stay with him, will her broken heart mend?

(Female Reader, NO SMUT, Romance, Friendship, THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FANFIC/IMAGINE, I hope it’s good, Kenny is lifelong family friend so reader calls him Uncle Kenny. I’m British so the writing is going to be British so like ‘mum’ not ‘mom’ yanno?)

GIF by Oeuvrs

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

I gazed out of the airplane window, stuffing headphones into my ears, I couldn’t wait to see my Uncle Kenny finally, even if it took me waking up early to catch my (almost) 3 hour flight, I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, flying always made me so nervous, I just hated the way the plane shook as it took off or landed, it never made me feel safe, even though I knew that it was a rare occurrence for the plane to actually crash.

I took out my headphones as the flight attendants went through the pre-flight demonstrations, telling all of the passengers about the fire exits and what to do in case of an emergency, I flipped my phone over on my leg nervously before rolling my eyes to myself, stop being so silly, you’re nineteen, you shouldn’t be nervous all the time. I thought to myself, although it’s easier said than done, the attendants finished up their demonstration and the plane proceeded to take off, the familiar shaking throughost the plane shot itself through me as I took a deep breath in, I placed my headphones back into my ears and closed my eyes, pressing my head firmly against the back of my chair and gripping onto the arm rests firmly, Uncle Kenny knew about my fear of flying and thought that it would be best to get me a seat on the plane nearer the exit door, luckily for me nobody else was sat next to me as the plane was quite empty.

Once the plane was firmly in the air, I decided to scroll through my playlist and find a specific song that I wanted to listen to- Good Day by Surfaces, as the song began to play, I gazed out of the window and watched as the clouds floated past, I rested my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes, feeling my heart rate slow back down to the original beat, I settled further into my chair and saw the seatbelt light flicker, allowing me to unbuckle myself and curl my legs up along the seats, shuffling slightly to rest my head against my neck pillow and on the window, I sighed in content and felt myself slowly slip into sleep.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

I awoke to the plane shaking slightly, feeling myself panic I sat upright and quickly buckled myself back in, I glanced back outside of the window and saw what could only be Vancouver as the plane was begin to lower, I smiled to myself, thinking about how it wasn’t long until I got to see my Uncle Kenny. I removed my neck pillow from my body and fastened it to my rucksack that was placed on the floor by me, I turned my volume down on my phone and watched in excitement as the plane landed on the ground, the pilot steering it into its final bay, I waited a little while longer before having to exit the plane, placing my bag over my shoulder and shuffling out onto the aisle of the plane and exiting out of the door nearby.

I had just finished going through security and collected my suitcase, shuffling through the fairly large crowd, searching for my favourite person on the planet- “Y/n” I heard in a singing tone, I glanced over and smiled widely at my Uncle Kenny holding a sign with my name written on it with purple glitter and stars, Kenny was dancing a small jig, waving the sign from side to side in a Jazz dance like motion, I rolled my eyes and laughed at my uncle, “you’re an idiot!” I said as I made my way closer to him, he opened his arms and stood still with a calming look on his face, there was no sympathy and no look as if I was going to break if he held me too much, it was just- Kenny. That was one of the things I loved most about him, no matter how hurt or how sad I was, he never changed his attitude towards me, it was always the same, calming, compassionate, loving but never pity, he never felt sorry for me in a way that seemed patronising.

“Come here” he said happily, beckoning me into his arms, I pulled my suitcase closer to the man and snuggled into him, Kenny always gave the best hugs, as his arms wrapped around me I could feel an overwhelming sense of emotion- I think it was a mixture of missing my uncle and the sadness that I was trying to hide from the literal heartache that was consuming my entire being from what happened a few nights before, I guess Kenny heard my stifled sniffs as he began to lovingly rub my back, he rocked me back and forth slowly, “sh sh I know darling, I know” he whispered, “come on, let’s not have you crying in the airport hm?” I nodded, looking up at him and wiping my tears away, I leaned back and grabbed the handle of my suitcase, following Kenny out of the airport and into a black Range Rover,

“Thank you for this Uncle Kenny” I breathed out, looking over at him with a smile, “I’ve missed you” I admitted whole heartedly, he took a quick glance over at me and switched on the radio to play the soundtrack from Hamilton, my favourite.

“I’ve missed you too Kiddo, more than anything” he replied, “I hope you don’t mind but we’ve got to go to set after you freshen up” he continued, I nodded in agreement, “I knew you’d understand, you excited to help me out?” He asked

“I can’t wait, thank you again Uncle Kenny, for flying me out here, for letting me help you with the show, I hope I don’t let you down” I admitted, looking over at him once more,

“You..” Kenny started, “Y/n, you could never ever let me down” I smiled over at him once more and rested my head on my arm as I looked out of the window.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

We eventually arrived at Kenny’s apartment, I hopped out of the car and ran to the back to grab my case by Uncle Kenny was already on it, dragging the suitcase behind him as he walked past me, “come on, Star” he said, giving me one the nicknames he’s called me since I was little- he called me Star, Sun and Moon, for reasons I do not know of completely, I was aware of the meaning behind Star (he always thought of me as a star, destined to shine) but Sun and Moon, I have yet to discover, he always told me that I would find out the meanings as I grew older but it has been lost on me. I followed after the man, still in awe of the surroundings around me. Vancouver was beautiful.

“And here is your room” Kenny said as he finished up the tour of his apartment, he opened the door in front of me and I was greeted by a white room with two large windows on the furthest wall, placed strategically to allow the resident of the room to see the beautiful scenery around them, Kenny had added some plants, fairy lights and grey and dusty blue blankets to make it more homely, “blue and grey are still your favourite colours right?” He questioned,

“Been the same since I was eight Kenneth” I replied, “this is amazing” I continued, entering further into the room and placing my case lightly on the bed,

“Alright kiddo,” he said, “here’s your en-suite” he knocked on the door to my right “and the door next to it is your closet, I’ll leave you to freshen up and I’ll see you in 15 minutes?” He questioned, I nodded and smiled at the man as he quietly closed my door, humming to himself.

I turned to my suitcase and quickly started to unpack, placing everything in the correct spaces, I opened up my closet and was greeted with a walk-in wardrobe, nothing too extravagant but also nothing that I’ve ever had before. I left out an oversized top and leggings with my pair of beaten up Vans so I could have something to wear to set. I quickly jumped into the shower and freshened up before brushing my teeth, I towel dried my hair before letting it just dry naturally, I then applied some light makeup and got dressed before coming out of my room, I quickly turned back around on my heels and placed my suitcase into my closet, I then grabbed a few hair ties and rolled them onto my wrist before leaving my room for the second time.

As I walked into the hallway, I saw my Uncle Kenny singing quietly to himself and dancing lightly around the den, I laughed at the sight in front of me.

“I’m ready” I sang, distributing my uncle, he span around and smiled at me, “sorry to interrupt your little dance session” I giggled, Kenny shook his head at me and joined in with my laughter, “right, shall we go?” I questioned, he nodded as I followed after my uncle once again.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

“Don’t be nervous” Uncle Kenny smiled as he parked up his car, how did he know me so well? I breathed out slowly and nodded, jumping out of the car and headed towards the set with him, “they’re all really lovely alright?” He continued to reassure me, “let’s introduce you to them yeah?” He finished, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and tucking me in close to him.

We walked quite a short walk before entering the catering tent, there sat the cast of his new show Julie and the Phantoms, I twiddled my thumbs as I walked slowly towards the long table, I scanned the heads of the people, my eyes lingering on a certain pair of green-blue eyes, they seemed almost hazel, one of his eyes seemed to be drowning in blue, in short, they were beautiful, I quickly glanced away and continued to look briefly at every person at the table. “Is this her Ken?” A blonde boy spoke, smiling over at me, I lowered my head out of pure anxiety,

“It is. Everyone this is my niece- Y/n” Kenny introduced, “I’m truly a lifelong friend of the family, she grew up calling me Uncle Kenny, so she is my niece” he explained, clearly due to the slight confusion written over a few members of the cast.

“Hi” I said, finally mustering up my courage, I smiled at the blonde boy who sat directly in front of where I was stood,

“Hey, come sit, I’m Owen” he smiled, shuffling over and patting the spot next to him, the group of people went round introducing themselves, in order it went- Owen, Jeremy, BooBoo, Madison, Jadah, Savannah, Sacha and Tori, lastly was the boy with the beautiful eyes, he seemed a little older than me, I did find out that Owen was my age, as was Savannah, Tori was one year younger than the three of us, Madison was 14 and Jadah was 13, Sacha was 15, Booboo was 25 and Jeremy was 22.

The only person I hadn’t yet been introduced to was the guy with the beautiful eyes, he was sat directly across from me, and any time I glanced up to him, I could feel my cheeks redden, I tilted my head and smiled at him, ignoring the heat rising in my cheeks “and you... what’s your name?” I questioned,

“I’m Charlie” he replied, “nice to meet you” he smiled back at me.

💜𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔💜

♡︎𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡: @thesweetestsinner , @ifilwtmfc ♡︎

[midnxghtsunwrites]

“ IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT ”

PAIRING —

andy barber x black! pregnant! reader

SUMMARY —

y/n knew something was wrong the moment she woke up with blood soaked sheets and a tightness in her chest.

WARNINGS —

this imagine will contain possibly extremely triggering content such as mentions of infertility, pregnancy irregularities, loss of pregnancy ( stillborn pregnancy ) , explicit language, sadness, and possible anxiety & depression under the cut

proceed with caution, viewer discretion is advised.

IT wasn't the cool draft of breeze flowing from the vent or the soft hum of the AC that woke you up from your sleep. It wasn't Andy shifting on his side of the bed or the loftiness of your two pillows or the fact that your bonnet slid off during the night.

What made you stir was the long forgotten sensation of something running down your inner thigh — the sinking feeling in your belly. Of course, you've felt it before when you were far from pregnant and set to start your period. Usually, however, you would have a gut feeling the night before which often prompted you to wear a pad to bed.

Tonight was different.

You stuck to just panties as pajamas since pregnancy made you hot when you're supposed to be cold and cold when you're supposed to be hot.

When you switch on the lamp on your side of the bed, Andy is spurred awake by the snap of the switch and the sudden influx of light. Since he was laying flat on his back, he just turns his head to look at you with squinted eyes, still adjusting to the brightness.

He furrows his eyebrows as he takes in the look of worry on your face. He knows you well enough to see that you're freaking out internally.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He begins to sit up, "Is it the baby?"

You don't want to look. You don't want to give yourself less faith than you already have. You can't look.

You've already endured years and years of being told that you would never have a child — and the one moment of happiness you got when you found out you were pregnant with your husband's baby is being stripped away. Just like that.

"I think I'm bleeding." Your voice shakes as you speak.

Andy was always the level-headed one in the relationship. Five years of being together and three years of marriage taught you that. You've seen him through his highest highs and lowest lows — lost cases and cases that kept him up at nights. But you have never seen him so panicked at something you said.

Even though his body language screams alarm, his voice is level and calm. "Okay, let's go to the hospital. I'll call ahead."

You nod, squeezing your eyes shut in frustration, "Okay." You whisper.

THE gel is cold against your stomach, shocking you into reality. You listen for the sound of your baby's heartbeat — the one that will let you know that everything is okay.

Everyone seems to be frozen as your gynecologist shifts the wand along your smooth bump. When the room is deathly silent, the only sound to be heard is your heavy exhale, Andy shakes his head, distress on his face.

"What does this..." He can't even finish his sentence. You squeeze your eyes shut. "Why can't we hear a heartbeat?"

Dr. Moore gives her patients sympathetic glances — this is the last thing she would ever wish on any woman. "I'm sorry, Andy, Y/N. It seems... Your baby doesn't have a heartbeat."

It felt like you were struck by an entire planet. Your thought maybe you didn't hear her properly. "What?"

The doctor bows her head in shame, "I am very sorry. Your baby died in utero a couple of hours ago."

Her words seem to be blocked out as you shake you head profusely. You can't breathe, you can't see, you can't even function. You felt it.

"This cannot be happening." You mumble under your breath. This doesn't feel real. Your cheeks are stained with tears at the news.

Andy is by your side, running a hand over your hair that you barely managed to pull back before you entered the hospital. He's holding back tears, but watching you break was enough for him to allow a tear to roll down his red face.

"I'm going to give you guys some time. A nurse will be in soon to discuss your options with you. I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Barber." Dr. Moore reiterates one final time before leaving you to grieve.

When she closes the door behind her, you take no time to grab on to Andy's hand and curl into him. He rests his hand on the back of your head as you sob into his shoulder.

"I know, baby. I know. I'm right here."

ANDREW was right there when the doctors induced your labor. He was right there when you had to endure a painful delivery to your baby girl. Your beautiful baby girl. He was there when you held her for the first and last time. He was there for the next week when you'd decided to stay in the hospital, needing time to come to terms with how quickly everything happened.

With just a picture of her captivating face as a memento, you guys went home. Without your baby.

You felt frozen — stuck in your mind, thinking of what it would've been like had things gone differently. You would be walking in your house with a car seat and a sleeping or babbling baby, a wide smile on your face. Andy would've been absolutely amazed at what you two had made.

Now? You don't even know how you walked out of the hospital or into the house without breaking down and getting yourself admitted into psych.

You're fixed to the threshold of the door — you couldn't move even if you wanted to, struck by a sudden wave of melancholy. All you can think of is the talks you and Andy had about your shared excitement.

"Honey." Andy's voice draws you back to earth. He's stood behind you, going through his own tide of emotions.

He couldn't even imagine the toll this is having on you.

You close your eyes and lean forward, the palms of your hands pressing against the door jamb. "I just need a minute."

"Okay." Andy nods in understanding, resorting to rubbing your back, gingerly.

Moments pass before you finally step into the house, your breathing shallow with anticipation. Andrew is close behind you, eyeing you cautiously and lovingly. He just wants to hold you, but he knows you need some time to yourself.

That's why he simply nods when you suggest that you should go take a shower and lay down.

"I'll make you some food." He tells you.

Your footsteps seem to echo against the walls seeing as you kept your shoes on. You weren't sure you had the energy to care about tracking dirt inside.

Entering the bedroom, you're overwhelmed with a surge of anger and disappointment.

The bed hadn't been touched since the night you went to the hospital and now you can see the sheet is strewn in the center of the mattress, a pool of long-since dried blood staring at you — "Fuck," You run a hand through your matted hair.

Part of you gets to scrubbing because how else would you take the nap you told Andy about? The other part wants to scrub away the reminder of that night. The panic and pure fear in your veins — in Andy's.

On your knees, sleeves rolled up, and fatigue ramming through you like a train, you attempt to wash away the painful memory. No matter how much elbow grease you put into it, the stain doesn't budge.

Thoughts flood your mind — is this a punishment? Am I getting punished for all the harmless things I've done in my life?

You press down further, sinking the springs in the mattress. The frustration is clear in your gaze — exasperated sighs escaping you. You're so caught up in your action that you don't even realize when a loud and defeated wail renders you a sobbing mess.

You don't hear Andy run up the stairs at the sound and stand at the door, eyebrows furrowed in worry and tenderness. He watches you for a second as you hunch forward and hit your hands against the bed in anger.

"I'm so sorry," You cry to no one in particular, "I should've known something or done something — I should've taken more care of you."

Tears gather in your husband's eyes as he hears your words. He wastes no time in stepping towards you and resting a hand on your shoulder. You flinch slightly, not expecting Andy to have heard you.

You can't even look at him, so disappointed and ashamed of yourself that you can't gather the courage to look your husband in the eye.

"Y/N, come here." He gently goads you to stand, his hand warm on your shoulder. When you rise to your feet, Andy pulls you into him, not caring about the snot or tears that transfer from your face to his t-shirt. He rubs a hand down your back and another over your hair and sniffles, "Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

In that moment, his words meant nothing to you. They just drowned under the grief you were experiencing. It was only during the silent night when you two were laying on the couch of the living room after dumping your mattress that you realized how much his words meant to you.

With your head resting on his chest, you crane your neck up and gaze at him, watching as he stares up at the ceiling in thought.

"Andrew?" You whisper, voice cracking after hours of weeping.

He shifts his gaze to you, giving you his full attention. "Hmm?"

You take in his blue eyes which have seemed to lose its sparkle. "I love you."

He presses a sweet kiss to your lips, layered in salty tears, "I love you too."

general taglist : @gwenspacy @dollyhoess @complacentviawattpad @rosenoirwrites @random-ficreader23

let me know if you would like to join my general taglist! feel free to like, comment, and reblog! <33

[havenoffandoms]

The school of the Cats famously used mutagens to enhance young recruits' emotions. The emotions that the mages targeted were anger, fear, the fight or flight response, in short any emotion that would yield the greatest amount of adrenaline and send witchers into a frenzy which the mages called "blood rage". The experiments didn't always pan out as the mages expected, of course. For most recruits, it turned them into emotionally volatile witchers, bordering on psychopathic. But a small minority of cat witchers developed an entire different skill set during the mutation process. The experiments turned a minority of Cat witchers into empaths.

Aiden was one of them.

When he first met Lambert on the path, the two hit it off straight away. Lambert had saved his ass from a water hag. Aiden, who had taken the habit of hiding his medallion under his armour, decided to take his chance on Lambert who unbeknownst to him was fraternising with a Cat witcher. The Wolf was boisterous, a bit dickish but all in good humour, but most importantly Lambert was a bragger. He wouldn't stop gloating on the way back into town how he had saved Aiden's ass. Aiden indulged Lambert. He could tell that the Wolf witcher was much younger than him by how much energy he displayed, despite it being chaotic energy bordering on aggressive. Lambert insisted Aiden joined him for a drink. All the time they spent together, Aiden made a point not to touch Lambert and kept his gloves on so even when their fingers grazed each other he didn't sense anything emanating from Lambert.

Later that night, Lambert invited Aiden into bed with him. Aiden wished he had the willpower to refuse, but Lambert was admittedly attractive and, well, it had been a while for Aiden too. He could ignore the feelings for one night. He was used to it after nearly a century of dealing with his unusual 'powers'.

Years of practice keeping a schooled expression when sensing people's emotions could not have prepared Aiden for the sheer hurt and anger he felt when he touched Lambert. Aiden absorbed every single emotion which then became his own as soon as his fingers touched Lambert's bare skin. Hurt, anger, pain, so much pain. They had to stop before the fun could even begin because of Aiden curling up into a ball in the corner of the room.

The conversation that followed was painful and awkward. When Lambert realised that he had invited a Cat into his bed, he had instantly become defensive. But seeing Aiden so shaken... Lambert couldn't help it. He wanted to help this strange witcher through whatever twisted episode he was having. That's what witchers did, right, helped each other out when needed?

"How do you do it?" Aiden mumbled, "How the fuck do you keep all that pain locked away and just pretend it's not there?"

Lambert didn't know how to respond. He didn't understand what Aiden was getting at.

"The mutations strip us-"

"Bullshit! I felt it!" Aiden snapped, his voice tight as he fought the tears welling up in his eyes, "I felt all of it. The hurt. The anger. How do you do it? It was so intense, it twisted my insides. Lambert..."

"Hey, shhh, it's okay. Can I... Is there anything I can do? Shit, I want to touch you but..."

Aiden shook his head. He couldn't take it, not straight away. Lambert spent the rest of the night just talking to Aiden. Telling him everything, from his shitty childhood to his experience at Kaer Morhen, losing friends to the trials then to the path, the loneliness. Aiden in turn told him that he was one of the rare cat witchers turned into an empath by the mutations. He told Lambert how his own school cast him out for being difference. Soft. Weak. Broken.

Lambert didn't leave when morning came. In fact, he never left Aiden at all. After taking several days off for Aiden to recover, the two decided to travel together. As the months and years rolled in, Aiden was able to touch Lambert and feel an overwhelming happiness emanating from the wolf witcher which outshone all the other dark emotions looming in the depths of Lambert's mind.

The first winter Aiden spends at Kaer Morhen is difficult. He forgets himself and shakes Eskel's bare hand, and is instantly hit with a wave of self-loathing and loneliness, made even more bitter by an undertone of nostalgia. It knocks the air out of him. The next time it happens, Geralt's fingers grazed his at dinner while they both reached for the bread on the table. He senses emotional pining and a deep-rooted anxiety of the mind. Aiden goes to bed exhausted that night.

The next day though, Aiden runs into Geralt and Eskel's bard. Jaskier corners him and smiles sweetly at him.

"Lambert told me that you're sensitive to people's energies. He also mentioned that being surrounded by witchers has drained you, and he asked me to help. May I?"

Jaskier extends his hand and waits. Aiden eyes it suspiciously. What exactly had Lambert been thinking telling the bard his secret? But then Aiden's mistrustful eyes meet Jaskier's radiant blue ones, the soft smile illuminating the handsome face, and suddenly all of Aiden's worries wash away. He takes off his glove and slides his hand into Jaskier's. He's instantly drowning in warm feelings of love, happiness, excitement, pure and unbridled joy. It leaves Aiden breathless in all the right ways and has the witcher pulling Jaskier closer and melting into the bard's embrace. Aiden basks in Jaskier's positive energy, closing his eyes and seeing bursts of colours appear behind shut eyelids. Jaskier is an explosion of warmth and peace. Aiden had rarely met people so cheerful and whose presence calmed him.

From that day forward, Aiden would occasionally seek out Jaskier during winter to feel that same peace of mind all over again. And truly Aiden thanked his lucky stars every night that he crossed paths with Lambert and had been accepted into his family. A cat in a pack of wolves... If only his brothers could see him now.

[yanderenightmare]

YANDERE ! SHINSO HITOSHI x FEM ! READER

goodiebag WARNINGS: dubcon/noncon themes, yandere, abuse, profanity, ableism, amnesia, animal abuse, anxiety, kidnapping, abduction, manipulation, mind control, stalking

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT

He didn’t want it to be this way. 

Or… that’s a lie. He didn’t want to enjoy it being this way. He had to do it either way, but disliking it would make it slightly easier to forgive himself afterwards. Yet, he was enjoying himself, thoroughly at that. Looking into those large wax-like eyes, glossed over by some thick veil, no longer in her own control, but in his. No longer constantly distracted by the faintest noise or the mildest view or the most mellow smell accompanying the fucking breeze. Her attention undeniably and uninterruptedly set on him and only him. It felt better than what he had imagined, as though some war had been won; peaceful, right.

Yet wrong. It was wrong of him to take advantage of her trust, what more: it was wrong of him to enjoy it so devilishly as well. But how could he not? How could he resist taking pleasure in her utter submission, even if he’d forced it from her; looking at him so helplessly, hopelessly, no plead or hatred or fear evident in her defenseless features, just complete and pure vulnerability. 

Not that she was ever one for caution anyways. She was always so temptingly careless, reckless, ruthless, dangerous. Chaos in desperate need of control. She was always chasing some new type of death as though in love with the idea of her life being ripped away, in love with the idea of not having any control. He was granting her just that. Where she lacked the ability to control herself, he had no qualms in doing it for her. She couldn’t blame him when she was practically begging for it.

He was scared, he realized. Afraid of letting go now that he’d taken her, unsure of how to brace himself once he unclutched his claws from her mind. It was easier to simply stare into her orbs as she did him. Yet, he didn’t take her to feel safe. Quite the opposite. He took her to taste the chaos she provided. That unpredictable terrifying wilderness that seemed to swirl behind her eyes, the one he’d currently subdued. There was no way to prepare, he figured. No point in postponing the inevitable either.

Her eyes flickered, as though waking up from a nap, fluffy puffy soft-looking tail raising behind her, ears ruffling as though sensing she wasn’t where she was supposed to be before her mind reached the same sense of dread. Licking her lips as she’d been unable to for some time. Hands scrunching into the bedsheets, nails plunging through the thin fabric, knees retracting to her chest as her breathing picked up. Eyes locked onto him, recognition then confusion, then a newfound panic building and brewing and storming her senses all at once. 

“What did you do?” 

She sounded unsure, unbelieving of her words, half expecting there to be some logical explanation behind her situation, yet she couldn’t shake her insurmountable sense of dread. Eyes scanning and spiraling from the purple-haired man to the large bed she was placed on to the unknowingly locked door.

Without further thought, she leaped as though she had wings attached to her back, all granted by her cat-like mobility, and even as she realized the door was locked, she still pointlessly shook at the handle as though some saint would grant her wish and unlock it for her. 

She only stopped when she felt his hand touch something sensitive. His hand feeling so familiar in its distinct resolution, firm and purposeful and greedy, handling her extra limb, controlling the only reign she had in keeping control, keep her balance, keep her footing, now strangled inside his fist.

Her tail wormed in his grasp, bending and twining in discomfort, begging for her to whip around and plant those knife-sharp claws into his skin, dragging them, digging them, graveling along his arm, leaving an imprint of three blood-red streaks in their wake, a stark contrast to the softness of her tail-fur.

He hissed and let go, yet couldn’t blame a wild thing for acting on mere instinct, thinking that maybe relieving his control of her was a decision made on hope more so than on logic. His scarf coming to wrap and slither around her quite similar to how a boa constrictor would suffocate their victims. The tendrils lifting her up into the air, all with her thrashing, joined with all downtrodden panicked little yelps and screams which were second by overwhelming second becoming uncontrollable sobs the more and more the situation dawned on her, feeling herself be placed down on the bed again, which sparked the dreadful thought of what impending violation the following events might contain. However, despite the fat globs of tears that soon made passage down her face, drowning out her sight, she was in no shape or form subdued, and would most definitely not be handled without a fight.

The sheets were an easy target for her claws to shred into ruins as quickly as her body met with the soft surface of the mattress. Feather of pillow came flying shortly after, until the idea of ruining whatever bond was holding her in place even came into mind. Her hands finding the capture weapon, beginning to pull and scratch, but to no avail.

“Chess.” His voice managed to send chills shooting through her, now that she could remember each and every time she’d heard it but been made to forget afterwards. All those times he had pulled her tail, coaxed her into answering a question then made her forget the whole ordeal. All those times he’d come by to rub the softness of her furry ears like lucky charms, those times he’d twirl the plush bushiness of her tail around his fingers and hand, those times he’d kissed her, tested to see if her tongue was gravel in texture, and the moan he gave when finding how it was velvety and squishy like a regular human’s would be, maybe even more so.

Her caution rendered frail and pointless in the whirlwind of her panic. “Let me go!” It was half a sob and half a scream, soaked with panic, yet it made no difference to the heavy weight that soon feel upon her conscience. Her eyes growing wide and glossy and void like before, her body lying limp on the bed. Every nerve of her body; raped. The entire construct of her mind; abused, to the point where she felt the faulty cracks created like never-ending ravines made by the gaps in her memory, decisions she didn’t make, wasn’t allowed to make. 

It’s not something you think about… how easy it is for the strong to make the weak crawl, how easy it is for them to excuse themselves, forgive themselves, thank themselves.

His was a patronizing smile, sly in its crookedness. Thinking of how cute a little reckless and forgetful creature he had the liberty and luxury of finding, of having, taking, owning. “Curiosity really did kill the cat, didn’t it?” In her defense it hadn’t sounded like a question. In her defense it wasn’t even her real name, yet the new, or rather old, memories flooding her mind told her otherwise. “It would seem… Kitty’s on her last life.” A long pale finger dragged up her leg slowly, and although she wanted nothing more but to pull her leg to herself, she couldn’t even as much as look at the attacker from anywhere but the very edge of her peripheral, his control not allowing her an inch of mobility.

She realized she hadn’t known fear. She only knew of small fleeting moments where her heart would make a leap into her chest, the feeling of almost pleasant fluttering followed by that flush of relief that could feel like blessing or absolution at times. She used to think fear was something people needed every once in a while. A good little thrilling scare to keep the mundane at bay. But this, this crippling crawling creeping draining, as though there was a puncture somewhere and all her blood was leaking from her limbs and had the fine hairs of her skin raising like spires in a manor where she swore it hurt. And although the fear had her feeling light, as though she was nothing, made of glass or worse, she felt heavy, grounded, trapped. The command placed not in her mind, but on her chest like a two-ton brick.

Stray silent tears slipped past his control, but the act was just as meek and pointless as a whisper in the wind. “I have you wrapped around my pinky, but I promise…” She felt like shaking, like trembling, quaking like earth does in uproar, but her body remained engulfed in some false sense of calm. His knees dipped down into the mattress, and she’d never before wanted to whimper so badly, the sound stuck in her throat, choking her. Her breathing slow and reserved, her own lungs betraying her even as his finger made way to brush up the valley between her breasts over the satiny feel of her blouse. “I won’t do anything you won’t like.”

Hitoshi liked to think he’d learned how much to give and how much to take, when in reality the only thing Hitoshi had cultivated through his several years of struggle was the tenacity, the drive, the strength to take and take and take things when the world doesn’t serve him his desires on a silver platter.

[sourwolphs]

Like an Animal - Bucky x Reader (2/8)

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Summary: Reader is an enhanced Omega kidnapped by Hydra and trapped in a cell with Alpha Bucky Barnes. Tags: A/B/O, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending Warnings: Rated M, Kidnapping A/N: This is all Reader POV. Bucky's losing it. LOL.

I woke up to a rough growl in my ear and the feeling of a body pressed on top of me, two arms caging me in. “Why are you so cold, Omega?” My fight or flight instincts kick in immediately— my whole body going rigid as a board— before the soothing scent of Alpha washes over me. I recognize the growl in my ear as Bucky, and the metal hand fisted in my hair, pulling my body closer to his. He’s panting with need, scenting me frantically. Mercifully, his lower half is still angled away from me, but it’s clear he’s hanging on by a thread.

I whimper slightly, his tight grip on my hair starting to hurt my scalp. He instantly softens his hold, pulling back to make eye contact. His blue eyes are glassy, and his lower lip is red where he’d bitten hard into it.

“Omega,” he growled. I shivered in response, my body lifting closer to his on pure instinct. The heat between us was stifling, his body temperature reaching inhuman levels. Must be a super-soldier thing. He leaned in for another lungful of my scent— this time pressing his lips directly to my mating gland, sending a sharp curl of arousal through my gut.

I pressed my legs together tightly. I still had my wits about me, but my higher faculties were slipping— quickly. Alpha is hurting. Give yourself to Alpha, my Omega murmured. There’s no way I could go into a sympathy heat. Not here. Not like this.

The growing heat in my core seemed to think otherwise.

“Tell me your name,” Bucky groaned. “Anything—“ His words were once again choked off as his mouth made its way to my gland, his hot tongue snaking across the feverish skin.

He needed me to distract him. Or at least that’s what it sounded like. I took a deep, steadying breath, before murmuring my name. He groaned, not lifting his nose from my neck, but slowing his ministrations. “I live—well, lived— in Brooklyn. But I don’t stay anywhere for long. I have… abilities.”

I lift my bound wrists to bump against his chest, and he looks down at my hands where I hold them, palms up.

“It’s why my skin is so cold. I can… freeze things,” I muttered, embarrassed. It sounded monumentally lame when I said it out loud. Who did I think I was, Frozone? But Bucky wasn’t in the mind frame to judge, humming contentedly where he was pressed into my neck.

“Smell so good, Omega,” he groaned. His flesh hand was carding through my hair and along my scalp, making my inhales shaky. Every nerve ending he softly touched was singing for more, my Omega instincts getting harder and harder to ignore. With Bucky and his scent surrounding me, I could almost forget that I was lying on top of a rutting Avenger’s pile of clothes, locked in a Hydra cell. Almost.

My nervousness must have made its way into my scent, because Bucky whined softly. “Relax, Omega,” he murmured. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He said it so softly, in that deep and gravelly voice, that it sent a shiver through my core. Bucky readjusted, caging his arms in closer around me and pressing our torsos together until I could feel the heat of him all along my body. I curled my legs up and closer to him, seeking out his searing heat.

Bucky settled his face into my neck and a deep rumble began to work its way through his chest—an Alpha purr. My whole body immediately melted, and I sank even deeper into whatever Omega headspace had been brewing in the back of my mind ever since I woke up. Purring was usually reserved for mates— an intimate Alpha tool to soothe their Omega partners experiencing anything from anxiety to the throes of heat. It was addictive, filling my chest up and sending pleasurable tingles through every limb. Alpha wants to mate.

My eyes began to droop, getting heavy again under his ministrations, his cedar scent and the gentle rumble in his chest reverberating into my own. Big strong Alpha will protect me. I’m safe.

—

It couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes later that I woke again to the first signs of my sympathy heat. Bucky’s purring must have done the trick, lulling my subconscious into doing exactly what these Hydra bastards probably wanted from us. No wonder they hadn’t interrupted us in here for hours.

The last remaining shreds of rational thought in my heat-addled brain cursed myself for letting my guard down for a second. Fucking biology. For all we knew, they were watching his unfold from hidden cameras— which, I realized now, is probably why Bucky had moved me to the darkest corner and continued to shield me with his body.

I almost never ran hot— courtesy of my abilities— but sweat had pooled in my collarbones and down my back, leaving a fine sheen all over my skin. I could feel another kind of wetness between my legs before I even opened my eyes, and I pressed my thighs together with an embarrassed whimper. At the sound of my voice, Bucky’s gentle purring ceased with a growl. When I opened my eyes, he was hovering above me— eyes black and glassy. I knew he could smell my arousal.

He knit his eyebrows together, his face a storm as he breathed in my changed scent. I could see the war behind his eyes, the tension in his muscles as he held himself back from flipping me over and claiming me on the cement floor. I lifted my head up slightly, as if to return the scenting he’d so thoroughly done to my mating gland, and he immediately lowered his neck to me. I gasped out— further gone than even I’d thought— as the concentrated musk of him hit my nose and mouth. It was like taking a cold drink of water after a day in the sun, or slipping on a warm sweater from the dryer on an icy morning. My brain felt like mush, and the last bit of my resolve fizzled out.

My body ached with need, desperate to feel his skin on mine. He smelled so good. I rubbed my face into his neck, feeling the sharp drag of his stubble on my cheek, the heat of him lighting every nerve ending in my body up like a forest fire. I could feel myself trembling, and I tugged at the restraints on my wrist in a mindless urge to wrap myself around him. “Alpha, please,” I whined.

It was like a switch flipped. Bucky made a low, desperate noise before moving on top of me, slotting his knee in between mine and rutting down against my thigh, biting down on my gland just enough to leave me keening and compliant without breaking the skin. He was panting hard, sweat dripping from his skin where he hovered above me. Through his pants, I could feel the hard length of him against me.

I gasped at the feeling, my core thrumming with need, and I parted my legs slightly to let him between them. When our hips connected, I could feel his rut start to take over— restrained need turning animalistic, rutting down hard against me as his teeth lay claim to the skin around my gland. I was helpless to do anything but moan and whimper, my arms trapped between us.

The heat of his body and mine, the hard press of him on top of me as he ground against my core, the buzzing of my overstimulated nerve endings and the desperate need to have him inside me was overwhelming, and I could feel myself start to break down. This mindless part of heat for me usually took a full day to get to. I gasped, choking on a sob as tears started to fall down my cheeks. I feared going to that place— letting my Omega take the reins— becoming completely helpless while trapped here. But what I didn’t fear was the wall of delicious Alpha on top of me, careful to carry his own weight, scenting me furiously and chasing his own release as he drowned in his rut-induced arousal.

“My— I need—“ I couldn’t get the words out. My hands clawed against the front of his chest, catching on buttons and zippers in his gear. I took deep lungfuls of his scent, trying to self-soothe. Bucky grunted against me, his hips stilling, and I could smell his release in the air— making my own arousal go wild with need. Alphas in rut didn’t have a refractory period. I tried to cant my hips up, but underneath him, it just resulted in a pathetic squirm.

The tears were coming harder and faster now as my desperation grew. I could feel myself slipping to that place. Alpha. Need Alpha. “Please,” I sobbed. I could barely recognize my voice. The heat, the ache. My vision was blurry, and the shadows of the cell sure didn’t help. I felt Bucky lift himself off me, and I curled my knees into my chest, hugging myself as cries racked my frame.

“‘M sorry, ‘M so sorry Omega,” he murmured. He sounded far away now, the soothing heat of him missing from my skin. “I didn’t mean to. I— I won’t hurt you again— I’m so sorry, sweet Omega.”

Come back, Alpha, I gasped. Or maybe I didn’t. I couldn’t tell what was in my head or coming from my mouth.

Before I could figure it out, the hallway door outside our cell exploded open.

[storysofmyown]

Seven stages of Love Chapter 2: Philia

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to  want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.

Trigger Warning: Momentary anger, sadness. Let me know if I overlooked anything.

Word Count: 2683

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Pondering, wondering, with a strain in the heart that no other but himself could lift. Yet, he didn’t have the means to lift it. The feeling overwhelmed him to the point where he hadn’t left the house at all during an entire week. To him it was simply unthinkable to have to submit himself to the stares and the actions of the people that noticed him. To think that all this time he thought he needed nothing more. Nothing more but those meaningless kisses that brought satisfaction.

Now the simple thought of a stranger’s hand to even as much as caress his cheek without any feeling made him feel sick to his stomach. He wanted to be cared for. But…it had to be a very specific kind of care. One so specific he didn’t know what it was but knew he wouldn’t find it any time soon. But…what even was it that he wanted? He knew what it was called, Belphegor had enlightened that much…but he didn’t know what it was. Was there a certain definition? Was there even something that would define the exact way he was feeling, with the exact solution he needed? Perhaps, something that could define all the aspects of that craving? He didn’t know, he didn’t even know what he was looking for. So, who better to ask than Satan?

He had hundreds upon hundreds of books. Surely, he must have something that defined that intense feeling. One that gave Asmodeus some sort of clarity. That defined it beyond a feeling. Beyond a lifestyle that many searched for in their lives but can never seem to reach entirely or are satisfied with. Surely, he must have something, right? Asmodeus thought for a moment as he walked outside of his room for the very first time in a while. One of his brothers had been checking up on him from time to time. But thanks to Belphegor they didn’t stay nor bother him much. He needed time to think. And he was thankful to them for caring in any way…but right now he needed some type of answer. Or something to point him in the right direction…just anything would be helpful.

He was on his way to Satan’s room. He was determined to knock, get some books, and start some kind of research…but sometimes things don’t go the way one wishes they did. Sometimes…something makes the path that one was entrusted on, divert for just a mere second…and that’s when everything in the future changes. For just that simple misstep, for just that look in another direction and the entire path that once laid in front of one is changed, unrecognizable. It might be easier; it might be far more difficult. Perhaps it was because his mind was far quieter than it had ever been, while simultaneously making so much noise it drove him insane during the nighttime, or maybe it was the way his expression had become blank and no longer was focused in maintaining that fake smile that had become permanent on his lips. Maybe it was all of them, none, a beat, a noise, a breeze…but his path changed. And with it, his quest in search of a definition, that would set his heart at peace.

Was he stalling? Was that why he was standing in front of Leviathans door, hearing the muffled sound of his older brother laugh? If he remembered correctly, there was a new game Leviathan was looking forward this week. He remembered the older demon having mentioned it a while back. He could hear the faint sound of music through the door, it was mostly muffled, and Leviathan cheers as he won made it harder to hear. He sighed once. Starring at the door before shaking his head. He should really just focus, he needed to go to Satan’s room. Besides it’s not like Leviathan would even give him the time of the day when he was consumed by one of his games or something like that.

So, he turned around, taking a deep breath for a moment as he took a step. But…as he already knew, things don’t go as they are planned at all. A plan that was set thousands of years ago when his aching body first arrived at the Devildom. A promise to enjoy himself to the last bit. A promise he had broken the moment those doubts came to mind. After all, if he had just fallowed his promise, he wouldn’t be here, in that very moment, with those particular thoughts that made his breath caught in his throat at Leviathan’s words. A certain shout caught his attention. Leviathan had won on his game, and this prompted him to shout, to celebrate, to leap in joy and exclaim to the world some words, a specific word. Words that Asmodeus could only dream of using that lightly someday.

“YES!!!  We did it! Good work, I knew we could!!" A giggle, and then a storm. "Henry, I **** you!!”

…he had to be joking, right? He couldn’t have heard that right. He must be in a state of dream or something. Leviathan…he…he wouldn’t just throw that word around like that, and to his damn fish of all things?!

“S-seriously?!” He spoke, before knocking the door, perhaps a little too sudden and harsh since he heard Leviathan gasp, a certain ache in his knuckles that he was barely aware of.

“Sorry Lucifer, I’ll try to make less noise!” He spoke, causing Asmodeus to roll his eyes.

“I’m not Lucifer.” He simply said, a pout on his lips as he crossed his arms and waited for Leviathan to open the door.

“A-Asmodeus?!” Leviathan’s voice came out shocked, he could hear struggle as Leviathan moved inside the room, something falling and him screeching before groaning, only to open the door and look at his younger brother, a small pout on his lips. “W-wha- I mean, w-when, I just…huh?” Levi was at a loss of words as he starred down at his brother, only for Asmodeus to roll his eyes a little and go inside the room. Not caring about Leviathan’s protest on how he had not said the secret password.

He entered the room. The blues and darkness within it, meant to reflect the ocean waves and the water element which his brother controlled along with all sea creatures…only reminded him of his room for a second. It was mostly the darkness. Since that night where Belphegor comforted him, Asmodeus refused to go out, his windows permanently sealed, and the lights turned off as he refused to acknowledge himself in the mirror by the pure fear he might despise what was staring back at him. By the fear that he might look and only find the lust he had started to loath so deeply.

His eyes flew to the screen that was on, the word “Victory” could be read, a controller left on the floor as Leviathan watched him with a slight embarrassed blush on the doorway. For some reason his eyes kept scanning the room. This was possibly the thousandth time he had entered to his brothers’ room and yet, this was the first time he felt like he was in the room, and not in his own head. It was a weird sensation. Entering a place so many times, but never actually seeing it. Recognizing it, or even as simply as placing his attention in anything that was not himself. It was Leviathan’s room, and if someone asked him to identify Levi’s room and showed him pictures, he could probably tell them it was this one. But if someone asked him, to number at least 3 things of his brothers’ room he would draw a blank and just point out that he only had one mirror in his bathroom, and that occasionally he could see his reflection on the big crystal wall from the fish tank. But besides that, he…he didn’t know anything else inside the room. This included himself, and his brother.

His eyes flew to Henry, as he walked over to the small fishbowl Leviathan put him in sometimes so he was beside him when playing. He kneeled in front of it as he starred at the fish. An eyebrow raised as he replayed the words he had just heard Leviathan exclaim on passing. Such a word…were…were they supposed to mean so much? Asmodeus had just started to think about them, he had yet even to find any meaning to, yet his brother was throwing it like that to his fish? He seriously couldn’t understand it, at all. He glanced over at Leviathan who was playing with his fingers while looking a little nervous at Asmodeus intrusion on what was his room, but there was something else. It seemed like he wanted to ask something, so, for that same reason Asmo decided to stay silent for a couple more seconds and see if his brother spoke. Thankfully, he did.

“…Asmodeus” He started, and by his tone the younger demon immediately regretted having let him talk. “…are you okay? I-I mean! Y-you are always partying and in clubs and talking with s-so many people…yet we didn’t see much of you t-this week…”

That…that was something hard to answer. Was there a reason for him not to be okay? Was there a reason for him to be okay? There were doubts in his mind, questions in his heart, needs that he had not been aware of until recently. But most of all…there was…there was a void that he didn’t understand. A void he had just become aware that existed within him. Asmodeus pressed his lips together, wondering for a moment. The silence filling Leviathan with anxiety as he looked down, taking deep breaths while awaiting for an answer.

“I…” he started; eyes focused on the small fish, “…heard you say something on my way here.” Was he avoiding the question? Or was this the answer in his own way? “I was surprised that the same words Belphie muttered to comfort me you would yell them at Henry.”

“Words? What are you talking about?” He wasn’t trying to act dumb; hell knew that was Mammon’s job, but he was certainly confused. Having his brother barge into his room like this, no explanation, and suddenly ask him things like this when he had been acting off the entire week…Leviathan was worried. They were all worried.

Asmodeus thought for a moment. Why was he even here? Between the two, it was entirely possible for him to know more about those words than someone who barely left the room to get food and left the house for 3 seconds every month. The idea that Leviathan, someone that was constantly so locked away from everything and anyone, would know more about that subject even though Asmodeus had put himself out in the world time and time again…it was almost insulting.

No.

No it wasn’t insulting. It just hurt to know that the loneliness he had believed to be new, turned out to be so old that he wondered if it had always been part of him. It just to think that everything he once thought he knew of himself, had started to crumble slowly.

“Levi…h-how can you say them to an animal?” His voice was soft and low, he was sure he had spoken, but the memories of the words leaving his lips was not present. For a moment, he caught his own reflection starring at him instead of his eyes focusing on the small goldfish. And in those eyes, he saw how powerful his sadness and desperation had become…his eyes damping in tears as he looked away, refusing to let anyone see that.

Leviathan eyes went wide at his younger brothers’ words. From all the things he expected him to say, that wasn’t it. Was that…what he said before Asmodeus entered the room, was that why his brother had barged in like that? He starred at him for what felt like ages, before clearing his throat a little and taking a step close to Asmodeus. Trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Normally he would ask what he meant and why he was asking something like that, but the way Asmo looked in that moment it was like he was begging for an answer and just that. An answer, something that gave him an idea of what it all meant and what he would make out of it. Leviathan sighed, closing the door behind him before sitting down on the floor, his back to Asmo as he knew he would not be able to answer the question if he was looking at him.

“H-Henry isn’t an animal, you know?” He started, taking the controller in his hands so that it gave him something to be distracted and consumed, something to help ignore the nerves he was feeling for some reason. “H-He is there for me even when no one else is, he celebrates with me when I win. And in some way listens to me whenever I'm rambling or even feeling down... I-I know I’m an anti-social otaku that no one cares about and that barely gets out of his room, but…Henry is here with me. Henry isn’t an animal or a pet.” He paused, thinking over his words, a small smile creeping to his lips as he chuckled a bit. This all probably sounded so dumb to someone like Asmodeus but to him it was his truth. “…Henry is my friend. W-which is why...which is why I **** him...”

Levi looked at his brother, a genuine smile as his hands gripped the controller a little lighter now. Expecting to hear him laugh and talk about how ridiculous he was, thinking such a thing. But nothing came from Asmodeus side for a long minute. Instead, there was only silent as he thought about it. Trough the fish tank reflection Asmo looked past himself, something he wouldn’t even consider to do before, but now, his eyes were focused on Levi's reflection, who was looking at him. But he couldn’t find the words to answer him at all. Levi cared for Henry…because Henry was his friend. No matter how he looked at it, it was something so simple to understand, yet Asmodeus couldn’t properly comprehend what it all meant.

“…friend, huh?” He finally spoke, now looking at the small fish that seemed to be completely uninterested in Asmodeus presence. “…you can feel that way towards your friends?” He didn’t know if he was answering Leviathan or if he was talking to himself. All he knew is that he felt a pang of loneliness when the realization settled as his eyes feel to the floor, shoulders visibly slumping.

He didn’t have anyone like that. Sure, he had people that admired and envied him, that wanted to talk and have a connection with him but, nothing was genuine. Nothing would be as sweet and sincere, as the care Leviathan felt for Henry because…because Henry was his friend. Asmodeus chuckled. Perhaps at the irony of the situation or maybe at his revelation, either way, he finally turned to Leviathan, a smile that his brother had never seen pestered in the face of the younger demon as he slowly got up. Walking to his older brother and planting a kiss on Leviathan’s forehead. Only to walk over to the door and opening it. Leviathan wanted to protest, to ask him why had wanted to know about that, or to just try and comfort his brother, but before he could say anything, Asmodeus spoke.

“…thank you, Levi. For telling me.”

It was the quietest he had ever heard his brother being. And yet, there was such a plead in his voice, asking to be left alone, asking to be given the time and space to think. Leviathan didn’t know what was the best option here, but who was here to deny his brother the comfort that came with being alone, to someone that needed it so much?

Philia: Deep, authentic bond. Pure and kind. From which friendships are born.

****

Hi~

Here is the second part of this fanfic! Overall, I really enjoyed writing Levi in this chapter, and I really hope you all had liked it as well! Next chapter will be up next Saturday as well, until then!!

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[insufferablelust]

THE ARTIST AND HIS MUSE (v)

Hi lovely people! it’s me again with the fifth installment of TAAHM, hopefully y’all enjoy this, as always thank you for your support, and excuse the grammatical errors. As i said before, this story is dark themed, so it can get triggering to some people, please read the warning, and read at your own risk.

WARNINGS : BEWARE DARK FIC. SMUT, Angst to the max, Mental Illness (PTSD, with severe anxiety and depression), Some Fluff, hints/mention of Suicide (doesn’t happen), Psychological abuse (in flashbacks), over sensitivity (both sexual and non sexual), hints of Masochism, Anxiety attack, Soft raw tender moments, aaand thats it.

———————

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.To him a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. —Pearl S. Buck.

———🍃———

Little did they know, that night is going to be the beginning of a roller coaster ride.

———//———

It was already late when she opened her eyes the next day, her soft sigh occupied the quiet room as she scanned for the one person she craved the most, biting her lips at the cold left side of the bed sheet. However, he’s kind enough to leave the only thing she could reminisce about last night in a form of a long letter note he left on her night table, written with purple ink,

“Good Morning Y/N,

I hope you’re feeling well, although knowing how anxious you can get, i know your mind would wander off and we don’t want that. If you can remember what i said, then good but if you can’t, i said that i left because it’s more convenient for the both of us, not because i don’t want to be with you. Believe me, watching you sleep right now really put an image inside my memory that i’ll never forget, you’re so beautiful.

I hope you don’t mind, but i put on Debussy on your vinyl right now. I want you to know that we’ll still talk about it, preferably today, maybe we can go have dinner unless we have a case. There are things i never got the chance to say, and i think its time i finally tell you, later.

As for your past, we’ll also talk about that too. But i want you to not worry— yes i’m disappointed still, but i know why you did what you did. We’ll figure out a way.

Lastly, please take care.

Spencer R.”

By the time she had finished reading, her internal being is overflowing with emotions, dangerous ones that she won’t be able to control and she knows this. Her eyes teared up at the sight of ‘Classical Lover Etiquettes’ cued up on her record player. Her legs were incredibly sore, as much as her thighs and arms. There was just so much that’s happening, so much to feel, and she needed to escape.

Her feet dragged her to the balcony, inhaling the scent of life, breathe in heavily as she hoped— cross her fingers hoping to die that the amount of oxygen would be able to drown her from all the confusion, even more so the horrors that started to flows back in. Spencer opened a large deep wound that she had buried a long time ago, and then he showed her the way to paradise. He confuses her as much as she probably confuses him.

She wanted to apologize for being complicated, wanted to get on her knees again and show him how much she needs a savior right now; someone to love, and cherish to get her mind off of the horrible things in the past. She wants him to know that he can help her, by guiding her like he did the night before, by owning her like he said the night before, by loving her like he promised. She needs to be devoted to him, she would do anything for him.

She knows how damaged she is on the inside, she put up a persona every day so people could believe that she’s alive. But the only time she ever felt alive was with Spencer. The only time she ever wished she’s not complicated is when she’s with Spencer, His name consumed her like the opiates she used to take. He owned her soul already and she’s not letting that go. Even if the world stands in her way. She deserves this, this pure thing for once.

So she cried, hard. Hard enough for her neighbors to hear, to check up on her, but she wasn’t listening, she stayed crouched down in her balcony, her vision was blurry and she can’t think of anything— only Spencer.

“Spencer..” was the only thing she remembered saying before she witnessed darkness and drowsiness penetrate her eyes as well as her other senses— sending her to sleep.

———————————

Y/N didn’t even flinched when her father’s screams once again filled her ears, telling her how she doesn’t belong, she isn’t supposed to be here, isn’t supposed to exists. She could smell the strong scent of alcohol from his mouth, clouding her senses, but she refused to give in and cry, in fact she doesn’t feel a thing. Moreover, she’s just bored, her father never got violent with her, never laid a hand on her, neither does her step mother— well not when he’s around anyways.

By the age of 9, Y/N already knew what kind of man her father was, the kind that doesn’t want to admit reality, he’s a violent genius who works in the dark, with barriers covering all sides of his life. He never hurt Y/N physically, like he always claimed. But 12 years of psychological torture will fuck you up, she thought. She lived in isolation, and darkness where the only things she knew.. were alcohol, math, abuse, impending death, and screams.

She doesn’t have anyone related that’s nice to her, enough to shield her from all the abuse. The only person that could bring her peace is Mr. Bones, one of her father’s men. He always looked out for her, he gave her hope ever since she was old enough to know that being told you were never meant to be alive was not okay.

“I apologize, papa. It won’t happen again, I swear it.”

Her eyes stayed on the ground as she feels the warmth of his palm so close to her cheek, she yelled in her mind— her mind telling her to scream at the old bastard to “Hit me!”

“Hit me!”

“Make it hurt!”

“HIT ME!”

——

Y/N felt a jolt, her eyes searching for signs of where she might be but she can’t seem to open her eyes, the smell— is clean like iodine, the next thing she felt was the rough yet strangely comfortable sheets that grazes against her skin, And then she heard the talk, someone’s talking.. She recognized the voice well, so well like its imprinted deep in her soul, She tried to open her eyes.. yet she keeps on missing.

“S-she— i found her pale.. she was so pale and cold.. “ Spencer! her mind screamed, that’s Spencer.

“Spencer!” She tried to yell, but still nothing,

“Spencer please!” Nothing.

“What did her neighbor said?” Hotch!

“Hotch please i’m awake!”

“She was screaming, and they found her clutching her shirt tightly, she was crying and she.. she said my name over and over again, before blacking out.. thats why they called me first after calling 911” Is that true? she has been taking her meds, hasn’t she?

“Did anyone said that she was about to jump or anything like that?”

“No! No! Spencer i’m not suicidal!”

“N-no i don’t know.. Hotch i was with her last night, i should’ve—“

“Please don’t cry! please i’m sorry i love you i won’t do it again!”

“Hey no, she looked like she was having a panic attack. Has she ever mentioned anything about being depressed? or experiencing anxiety attacks maybe?”

“no... no... don’t tell him Spencer, you promised.”

“Stop the silence, Spencer you promised you won’t tell anyone.”

“N-no.. not that i know off.. she wanted company so i stayed with her, we watched movie.”

“Spencer...” She tried again, believing that it won’t work, he won’t hear her, maybe she’s not even here anymore— just floating away from her body. But when she saw his head turned towards her, she sighed contently, letting go of all the burden for a second just to hear him mutter her name in silence and peace.

“Y/N... you’re awake wait let me—“ before he could exit the door, Hotch pulled him back a little, telling him that “It’s okay, let me get the doctor.” Leaving Spencer and her alone.

Her heart rate accelerated as he sat down on the chair next to her, eyes filled with worry and fear— Y/N couldn’t take it, couldn’t bare to see how broken he looks, because she was selfish and complicated, because she was damaged.

“I-i wasn’t... trying to.. jump” Her voice came out laced with fragility, all raw and quiet. She’s trying to tell Spencer that she’s alright, as long as he’s here she’ll be alright. “Don’t.. please don’t blame yourself, it was an anxiety attack, a bad one.”

“Have you been taking your meds?” There it is, the question she has been hoping she wouldn’t have to answer. She looked down at his trembling hands, reaching to grab it but unable to do so because she realized now that she was restrained to the bed.

“Why am i being restrained?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No Spencer i haven’t! now why am i restrained? i’m not a danger to anyone.” Y/N half yelled with a cracked voice, closing her eyes tightly at the tears that’s threatening to spill out of her eyes.

“Miss Bones, i see that you’re awake now.” Her eyes never leaving the sight of her cuffed wrist, ‘did they honestly thought you were planning on killing yourself?’

“I’m not suicidal, i’m an FBI agent for god’s sake.” The tone of her newfound voice surprised everyone including Spencer.

“Then why were you unconscious on the balcony of your apartment?”

“Because i haven’t been taking my pills! look, i haven’t for years now and i was fine. It was just rush of emotions, and i got overwhelmed okay? doesn’t mean i was going to jump. Believe me thats the last thing i would’ve wanted.” The last bit was a whisper, indicating the raw pain behind it. It was the truth, moments before you passed out you were thinking of Spencer, of how he’s your savior.

“Okay, Agent. We believe you, now why don’t you get some rest, and we’ll have you prescribed for something stronger, meanwhile i’m going to take the cuffs off” The doctor replied gently, except you know he’s not a doctor well he is but he’s a psychiatrist. Great, now everyone think she’s crazy.

——————

After the incident, you rarely talked to anyone on your team not because they don’t want to but because you won’t let them. You’ve caused enough pain, so the last thing you want to see is the pity on their eyes and face, it was nice seeing how they care though— sometimes in the mornings you can hear Garcia and JJ dropping new baskets full of goodies and treats for you to try. Sliding a note underneath your door before leaving.

Hotch insisted you to take a month break, which you would’ve tried to argued but you knew you didn’t stand a single chance. You could’ve lose your job, he could’ve fired you for lying about your psychological problems and endangering yourself but he didn’t, though he wanted you to take the break, and do another psych eval, so you agreed.

The bad thing about not going to work, except the obvious fact that you miss your work family and you missed out on catching men women alike your father and his killer— is not seeing Spencer often enough. It made you anxious just thinking how he’s doing constantly, Prentiss has said in a text that ‘he seems okay, just a little off’ in which you ended the conversation quickly, not wanting to let invasive questions spring up to life.

You’ve tried to contact him multiple times, yet he never answered the calls, there was one time where he had responded your text; it was the one after you told him that you haven’t eaten and taken your meds because thats what you do now, pretending like he actually listens you, that day you heard a knock, before finding out that there was a box of pizza; the tuna, with creamy mushroom kind, your favorite. Spencer is the only one who knew about it, so it was him. You cried that night knowing that he was close... yet you didn’t see him.

After that, nothing. Nothing at all, until it was your 17th day isolated in your apartment trying to get better. A therapist from FBI was supposed to come today, checking up on you, Hotch’s order. So when you heard a knock, you opened the door without looking.

“Y/N...”

“Hi you must be the— Spencer?” You eyes went wide as you recognized the person standing at your door, you swear your knees buckled finally seeing him again after so long. His hair seemed longer, his eyes has bags under them, he doesn’t look fine.

“Spencer, you look—“

“Can i come in?” His voice startled you, it was deep, deeper than you remembered it last.

“Yes, yes please come in..” You watched him enter your house, eyes scanning through every bit of everything, probably profiling your condition. So you let out a chuckle as you close the door, “I’m fine Spencer, unless you didn’t notice, i’m doing therapy 3 times a week plus routine visits from every therapist in town it seemed like. So i’m good” the tone of your voice reflects sarcasm and you know it, but how can you help it when he wont even look at you.

“Thats good..” He mumbled, sitting down on the couch where you two talked the last time about your past, you remembered that night’s event so clearly you could’ve sworn you have an eidetic memory. “You haven’t been sleeping have you?”

“no.” you sat down next to him, deciding that you shouldn’t touch him even if you wanted to.

“Why?”

“Because i worry about you.”

“Spencer, i told you i’m—“

“No! no you can’t say that you’re fine, again. do you know what you did me? after the night we had, you basically suffered an anxiety so bad you collapsed on your balcony, while whispering my name. You don’t get to say that you’re fine, i deserve more Y/N.”

You didn’t flinched even once when you heard his voice raised, if anything you just close your eyes and not let the volume of his voice get inside your head, “Everyone who yells is the same like your father, wake the fuck up” is what your mind been telling you but you refused to listen to it, Spencer is good, he’s a good man. So you controlled your breathing for a second before opening your eyes to see Spencer’s face begging for answers.

“You’re right, you deserve answers and you’ll get your answers but can you please listen to me and don’t interrupt? Spencer, i need the space if you want me to tell you, the space to make you understand.” Your palm move on top of his to see his reaction, you expected him to swat your hands away or at least flinched but strangely he let out a pleasant sigh, like he was relieved, like every weight has been lifted off of him.

“Okay, i’m sorry for—“

You cut him off before he could say what he’s sorry for, you don’t need it— his reactions are normal, too normal that it makes you fall in love with him over and over again. “Shh, don’t. You don’t have to explain, you don’t have to respond, just.. wait here, i’ll tell you everything okay..?”

With a nod you get from him, you stand up to make two chamomile teas, bringing it to where Spencer is sitting on the couch, then after you put on Gymnopédie on your record player, you sit down next to him. To your surprise, he leaned and laid his head on top of your thighs, curling up on the couch— which sent a smile to your face, you haven’t smiled for so long and of course Spencer Reid is the one who put your first smile since.. you don’t even remember when.

————

“It’s one of my favorite, I love the serenity of it.” You whispered, as your fingers ran through his soft hair. Relaxing your back against the couch and enjoying the tune of one of your favorite classical of all time. Spencer smiled at that, you swore the smile could lit your insides like nothing else.

“I’m a beethoven guy, but i guess Satie is alright..” He laughs, his laugh sounded like heaven, his smile and laugh makes you dizzy. This is the Spencer that makes your heart pound ten times faster, and the one that makes you lost for words each time, the one that you’ll love... too fast Y/N, too fast.

“Of course you are, it’s not hard to see..”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

Spencer looked up at you, he looked so pure like this, like he was made to justify every wrong things that has been done, like he’s an angel that protects the earth from filth. He’s pure and tender, it takes all of your willpower to not lean down and kiss him.

“Oh yes, explanation.” You laughed awkwardly, eyes refusing to meet his. “Look at me, please” You shake your head at his demand, your eyes still trailing to where the record player is going.

“Look at me, Y/N.” You did, you looked. Under any other circumstances, the authoritative tone would instantly leave you dripping wet ready to submit to him. But this time, you only whimpered and nods.

“Good girl, now tell me” He cupped your cheeks, the gentle gesture sent you to oblivion.

“I don’t know where to start..”

“I heard the beginning is a great start.” His lips tugged into a wide smile, you heart warmed at the sight before you sigh, your fingers still curling and uncurling itself on his hair.

“I opened up to you that night, it’s something strange for me, i told you something that i swore i would never tell anyone, but i told you because.. because you were right, you are right Spencer. And i guess after that we took it to a whole new different level, i want to be able to do all the things with you and cross all boundaries but it’s something new to me, so that morning when i... woke up alone, it was scary, i felt so small and sad in such a big space. I was overwhelmed, by the thought of letting another person in, i don’t wanna take it slow but then again the transition won’t be easy for me.” Spencer opened his mouth as he was about to say something, but you simply leaned in shakily and press a quick peck on his lips as a sign that you’re not done yet, to your surprise he pulled you down one more time and let the kiss linger this time before letting you pull back, whispering a small “go on.”

“I lived in isolation most of my life, the only taste of real life emotions i ever got was the moment right after my graduation. The man who saved me, he teached me social skills, and the basics of.. of having this gift of rawness emotions. But i’ve been so closed off, i realized its just not possible for me to fall in love or feel such a strong emotion towards another, the only strong emotion i’ve ever known before this was.. hatred towards my father and his killer.

I had PTSD when i was 13, consistent with severe anxiety and depression, at one point Mr.Bones insisted that i...i started talking to myself, admitted me to a psychiatrist where i got my.. antipsychotics for um the voices. But i came out well, and he promised me that if i was able to make it, he would change my identity, stripped me out of my old misery, give me a new one, my father was a very very important man where he worked, so does his men including Mr.Bones. Thats why before i was 21, there’s no record of Y/N Bones existed because.. i didn’t, i never existed.”

Y/N ended it with a smile, looking down at Spencer whose eyes brimming with tears. She shook her head, her trembling fingers wiping the traces of tears. “Hey no no, please don’t cry, please it’s hurt to see you cry..” She whimpered.

“Spencer please say something..” Her eyes pleaded with her, as he sat up, before inching closer to her and before she even processed the warmth of his body, his lips pressed themselves against hers in a gentle loving way. His thumb stroking her soft supple cheek, as his lips took its time to explore every inch of hers, imprinting how it feels so he can remember it all the time. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck as he guided her to his lap, pulling back a little.

They stared at each other for such a long time, before Spencer move his hand downward— tugging on her shirt. “Do you want to?” His voice rise your goosebumps to wake, all the adrenaline rushing through your core as you nod eagerly. “Please”

——————

“Tchaikovsky.”

“what?”

“This is tchaikovsky.” Spencer looked up at her, seeing how needy but beautiful she is, her skin glistening under the dim lights, her lashes are wet, her eyes glassy, and her lips bitten raw. He smiled admiring her before continuing his exploration down her labia, stroking it gently— almost like he’s teasing her.

“yes Spencer this is, Oh god!” you stopped mid-sentence as you felt the warmth of his tongue exploring from her slit up to her clit, flicking the sensitive button gently— Holy mother! doesn’t he know how sensitive she is?

“I’m pretty sure Tchaikovsky isn’t god, Princess.” the doctor giggles as his fingers tracing her tummy gently, caressing every mark every curve every indent every scar so so gently to show her how much he appreciates her, appreciate her beauty— all of it.

“Shut up!” She whined and shuddered as she feels him burying his face against her sensitive pussy, tongue swiping side to side at her slit as his nose bumps against her clit sending intense pleasure throughout her body making her jolt and convulse as she tug on his hair.

“Are you sure that’s wise, princess? i’m the one in charge of your orgasm here” Her legs quivered, his tongue push inside her and explore every inch of her inside— moaning at the taste and catching every drop.

“Sorry! so sorry Spencer, just don’t stop!” Oh how sweet is that, her voice cracked at the end, meaning he’s doing a good job. And the boy wonder does seek for praises sometimes.

“Never planning on it, love.” He mumbled against her pussy before inserting two fingers in, and moving them in a brutal pace whilst her tongue and lips sucking on her clit.

“Oh! Spencer, you’re so good at this” Her eyes shut tightly, as her fingers gripping his hair— she’s practically grinding against his face which he moaned at the sight and taste of her, oh so heavenly.

“C’mon Princess, come for me then i will give you what you’ve been waiting for” oh the way she clenched around her fingers so tightly, made him groaned and shut his eyes tight as he works her over the orgasm

“Spencer! oh! thank you!” Every inch of her skin was burning and her brain was mush. So much pleasure, that she could die happily now. Her body shivers still, when he comes up to leave tiny kisses on her face. “Good girl.” Spencer then align himself at her entrance, sliding the tip up and down her pussy.

“Ready, princess?”

“Yes.. yes please?” With a smile on his face, Spencer bent Y/N’s knees before pushing the tip of his cock inside of her slowly, indulging in the velvety warm walls that welcomed his cock. The feeling is like home. Her mouth agape, as her eyes roll at the back of her head, and her fingers intertwined with his.

He stilled inside her for awhile as he let out grunts of how “so warm and tight, pet” she is. He then leaned down to press a gentle loving kiss on her lips before thrusting his cock in and out of her slowly, keeping the pace light as they both relinquish all the frustrations out, and indulging in each other’s warmth. It’s perfect.

“so— full, Spencer..” Her desperate whimpers was the one that egged him to move faster, thrusting his hips so every-time he thrusted in, the sounds were slapping of skins and their moans. But when one particular deep thrust, her cunt involuntary clenched around his cock and she screamed “Thats it! thats it fuck!”

Spencer grinned, before letting go of her hand to grip her waist, pulling her closer to him then continue to fuck her with a torturous brutal pace, hitting the spot over and over again. “I’m not going to last if you keep- fucking clenching that tight cunt Y/N” He warned, eyes glinting with a dangerous look like how he was that night. Feral.

Strings of plea left her mouth as she arched her back, he was so deep— filling her to the brim and making her feel good.

“Please cum inside me!”

“I will baby, i will. But first you gotta cum alright? can you do that? i know you can, c’mon” His breathing labored as he move even faster, her headboard banged against the wall, and her body bounced. With one final deep thrust, they reached their peak, and shuddered at the feeling. Spencer pulls out before grabbing a wet cloth from the beside table and carefully wiped her sensitive areas, causing goosebumps that were dying down to rise again.

“Swan lake” Was the first thing she muttered as her legs still quivering, Spencer looked up at her confusedly as he set throw the cloth to the dirty hamper and laid down beside her once more, cuddling her to his side.

“What?” he asked, his fingers running through her hair.

“Tchaikovsky’s, Swan lake was playing.” They both laughed at her answer, shaking their heads. It wasn’t until Y/N’s eyes flickered to his hazy ones, that they muttered it together,

“I love you—“

“I love you—“

———————

TBC!

As always, TAGLIST is open, blurb requests are also open any genre of course, send them in along with suggestions and/or constructive criticisms! thank you. Just message me or send me an ask :) thank you for supporting. I’M SO SORRY FOR THE REUPLOAD, the TAGS DOESNT WORK TUMBLR IS MEAN TO ME AGAIN❤️

( @blancastans @spencerwaltergubler @slutforthegubes @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @babybloomer @liaabsurd @midnightsubmissives @addie5264 @maybankslut @secretpickleprofessordean )

[igirisuhito]

Title: Out of my mind Relationship(s): Kamukura Izuru/Naegi Makoto Rating: Teen Summary:  Naegi goes to confront Kamukura Izuru, based off their scene in dr3. For Kamuegi week Day 5: Scars/Future Foundation Trigger Warnings: Medical Trauma, Medical Abuse, Broken Bones, Dr0 References/Spoilers, PTSD

[Ao3 Link]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Future Foundation were kind enough to disclose all information that led to the Tragedy of Hope's Peak to its survivors. Naegi read through the files of the Hope Cultivation Project, the project that was being funded by the school's reserve course. The same event that led to its downfall. 

It was utterly petrifying to him. 

The fact that a talentless student would volunteer himself for such brutal experiments was unfathomable. He saw the logs of Hinata Hajime's descent into inhumanity, becoming a creature nobody could ever hope to perceive as a regular person. 

There were 3 surgeries in total, all additional operations were performed through electrical stimulus or injections of medication. The first one was a whole two days after Hinata had signed that contract, the aforementioned contract that had disappeared from the Biology building before it could have been recovered. Which was unfortunate, but they were already so lucky to have been able to obtain the Project's logs that nobody really cared about what had been lost. 

The first surgery was the one that scared Naegi the most. The severing of the connections between the prefrontal cortex and parts of the frontal lobe from the rest of the brain. Kirigiri had explained this to him simply, "They performed a leucotomy. You know what that is, right? A lobotomy?"

They'd learnt about it in highschool, surprisingly their years of education were the memories most easily recovered. Naegi never really paid attention to lessons in psychology. Perhaps he should have, as a knowledge in brain ablation somehow ended up being something he actually did need later on in life. 

The fact remained that this was the first step in inducing Kamukura's apathetic outlook towards life. This was where the despair began, the despair he wanted to reverse. But how can someone reverse the effects of permanent brain damage? It's impossible, right? 

Things seemed to only get worse the more he read. The thing Naegi hated most was how positive the post surgery notes were, as if what occurred was a miracle. 

The subject is responding well, his aggression has reduced and he has become more passive towards his doctors. The subject's anxiety seems to have been quelled and he has been dissociative and nonverbal. Fortunately, he is still able to use his vocal cords and form words, as evidenced by his reaction to pain stimulus.

He could only gag. The school Naegi admired so deeply was willing to do this to a human being? He couldn't force himself to imagine the student identification photo of Hinata bearing those same lifeless eyes of Kamukura. 

It was all so so fucked up. Enough to make him groan and slam his head down onto the desk, as if giving himself brain damage would fix Hinata's.

Naegi recalled Munakata placing a hand on his shoulder, interrupting the break he was taking from cross-examining the files. He had jumped on instinct from the sudden contact. Flushing in embarrassment at the fact someone has seen him act so childishly. 

Munakata hadn't seemed phased. He just looked over at the papers scattered on the desk, skimming, scanning. He spoke up in his rather gruff voice.

"They wanted you to read up on the destroyer of Hope’s Peak, right?" 

"Uh, yeah…" Sheepishly, Naegi nodded. "This guy had to be awfully messed up to volunteer for something like this."

With a loud click of his tongue, Munakata removed his hand from the boy's shoulder. He backed himself up to the table in which Naegi had been reading at, before lifting himself and sitting on the table. "No person would volunteer for this. He was manipulated by Hope's Peak and allowed despair to swallow him whole." 

Naegi sat up in response, awaiting elaboration from the Council President. 

"Hope's Peak obviously omitted the full details of what would happen to Hinata Hajime when he signed the contract." Crossing his arms over his chest, Munakata met Naegi's intense gaze with a sigh, sounding almost mad that Naegi couldn't read his thoughts. "Of course, most of the Future Foundation doesn't want you to think that. Hope's Peak academy was never the shining beacon of hope it pretended to be, it's platitudes were just worthless lies told to deceive."

"That's terrible!" Naegi cried, slamming one hand down on the table for emphasis. "Though, now that I think about it it makes a lot of sense that Hinata didn't know everything. But he still orchestrated the first Killing game, right? Why would he have done that?" 

"Actually Kamukura Izuru was framed by Enoshima Junko." Munakata sighed in a pompous manner that reminded him all too much of Togami. "Unfortunately, he woefully succumbed to despair, though it was indeed Enoshima who led him down that path. The sheer amount of murder he did go on to later commit proves that in reality he isn't redeemable."

"Framed…? So it wasnt Kamukura who orchestrated the first killing game?" 

"Of course not!" The older man hissed. "Do you seriously just believe anything anyone tells you?" 

Naegi's breathing hitched in fear as the other slammed his hand down onto the desk with much more intensity than Naegi had earlier. "N-no… I'm sorry…"

Munakata slid back off the table, causing it to groan beneath his weight. "You should be more careful, Naegi Makoto. It's purely luck that that blind trust hasn't gotten you killed yet."

Next thing he knew Munakata was gone with a loud slam of a door. God that guy was hot-headed. 

But he was wrong, about Kamukura, that is. 

For some reason that experience was all Naegi could think about as he looked at Kamukura's back. Stiff shoulders hidden beneath the black fabric of his uniform, dark hair billowing in the wind. He created such an eerie silhouette against the golden sunset in the background, beautiful, yet filling the other with a sense of trepidation and fear.

The man Naegi had spent the whole day searching for, of course he was in the last place he looked. He could almost sigh at how awful his luck could be sometimes. His feet ached from searching all around Hope's Peak, between all the different labs and even that freaky hidden room beneath the statue of the founder.

"Naegi Makoto. The Super High School Level Hope, also known as the former Super High School Level Good Luck." A monotone voice that sounded too close and too far away all at the same time suddenly broke the silence. "You've come on orders to kill me."

All that trepidation was causing Naegi's hands to shake from how tightly wound up he was. The sound of someone else's voice made him flinch. "H-huh?! You know?" 

"Of course I do." Kamukura spoke again, now tilting his head to the side to glance back at Naegi. "It's not that I'm omniscient, I just bear the talent of the Super High School Level Analyst."

It was strange to have his mind read before he even got the thought completely through. Naegi squashed that feeling down, opting to focus on the task at hand.

He cleared his throat, attempting to still his nerves. "If you knew this, why aren't you running?" 

"Hm?" Kamukura turned himself around, now offering his complete attention to Naegi. 

Naegi shivered under those piercing crimson eyes, they bore an even brighter colour than that of Ishimaru or Celeste's eyes. They seemed to target him and lock on like a rifle, loaded and ready to fire at a moment's notice. 

"Do you honestly believe that you can kill me?" 

The breath seemingly disappeared from Naegi's lungs. He drew his hand over his mouth to muffle the faint whimper that escaped his lips. Kamukura's aura was overwhelming, an aura of pure superiority and death. 

This whole situation reminded Naegi of his own execution. The pure despair coursing through his veins. The way Monokuma grinned at him. The loud pounding of the press behind him that shook his body from head to toe. 

Ah, that was the sound of his own heart beating uncontrollably. 

"My presence is bringing back unfortunate memories for you. I apologise, I am aware that you are not here to actually kill me." As if sensing Naegi's fear, Kamukura spoke slowly and clearly.

The other boy nodded slowly, refusing to take the hand from his mouth as stinging tears threatened to spill from the corners of his eyes. His blood was rushing in his ears, drowning out all sense, overwhelming him with the pure power that was Kamukura.

Kamukura stepped towards him, a move that startled Naegi more than it probably should have. He stepped backwards in turn, but quickly set his foot down on a small and unstable piece of rubble. Instead of Naegi launching off to run, his ankle rolled at an unnatural angle.

Naegi yelped as he fell forward, his forehead barely grazing the dirtied ground. He quickly rolled over, desperately shuffling backwards and away from the older man whilst attempting not to hurt himself any further. 

"Hey, listen to me! Calm down."

His body froze completely upon hearing the command. Kamukura touched his own lips in thought, a little confusion at his sudden break in character. He briefly pondered if his past emotions were through from standing in the classroom of 77-B.

But he deemed the thought unnecessary, for now, instead focusing back on the boy in front of him. "You're here to offer a compromise, are you not?" 

Naegi sucked in a quick breath, grateful for the reminder of what he was actually here for. Unfortunately the pain from his ankle was really beginning to set in, he needed to make this brief. Nodding quickly, he attempted to regain his composure. "Yes. I know I couldn't kill you even if I wanted to. But I don't, you deserve a chance at redemption."

"I cannot be redeemed. I was created to be a tool, I have no free will and only act on the orders of others." Kamukura spoke bluntly, tilting his chin up a little. "Your redemption means nothing to me."

Naegi paused. He was expecting this kind of answer, the kind Togami gave him when Naegi said he forgave him for his actions in the killing game. 

"Huh? I don't want your forgiveness. My actions are always justified." He had said. The memory brought a little smile to his face. 

"Okay then." Tilting his head up, Naegi showed that smile off to Kamukura, as if showing him a sign of peace. "Would you like to know more about Hinata Hajime?"

"The previous inhabitant of this vessel? Why do you believe he would mean anything to me?" It was phrased less like a question, and more like an expression of confusion. As if Kamukura didn't really care about the answer, that he already knew the answer, he just didn't quite understand why Naegi Makoto, of all people, would have any interest.

"Because you're here." Raising his right arm, Naegi gestured vaguely around the room, before wincing and putting it back down. "Why would you come to a classroom full of students you didn't know to replace the flowers for Nanami Chiaki? The girl who was Hinata's best friend, the girl you murdered."

Kamukura's brow furrowed. He began to move in large calculated strides, right up to where Naegi sat, before leaning over him in a display of authority. "So you are smarter than you seem."

It was difficult to tell if it was Kamukura or Naegi who had let down their guard, perhaps a mix of both. But a small detail like that didn't bother Naegi, as his smile only widened beneath Kamukura's attempt of showing power. He had him, that much was obvious.

"Well, Kamukura-kun? Why are you here?" 

Kamukura pursed his lips for a moment, thinking to himself for a second, before answering the question. "Because being here makes me feel despair."

He curled his fingers into fists and glanced away briefly, sighing as he realised he would have to answer the inevitable question. "There are a few places in this world where I feel emotions. The classroom of 77-B, the Reserve Course building, and the third floor of the biology building."

"The third floor of the biology building?" As he thought to himself, Naegi unconsciously brought his hand to his chin. "That's oddly specific."

"The neuroscience institute." Kamukura elaborated. 

"Oh…" Naegi moved his hand up to his mouth again, feeling a mix of sympathy and horror. 

Of course he would feel despair there. After all, that's where Kamukura would have been made, where he would have been tortured and experimented on. Had his brain destroyed and enhanced over and over to produce the perfect hope. 

Where Hinata Hajime… died.

"It's an odd feeling, emotions. The emotions I experience from being in these places are perhaps the only reason I'm still here. That and the fact I have nowhere to go, no purpose left in a world without Enoshima." Kamukura began to mumble somewhat as he rambled on. 

Jeez, at least let Hinata rest in peace. 

Naegi bit back the thought, shaking his head and reminding himself of what he was really here for. "Come with me then. If you want to experience more emotions, then I can show you the Neo World Program." 

There was a slow blink as Kamukura processed the offer. "The Neo World Program?" 

"Yeah! We put it together using research from the Super High School Level programmer, therapist, and neurologist." Naegi grinned excitedly as if he was talking about how proud he was of his own child. "It's a simulation that allows people to live out peaceful days filled with hope." 

Kamukura blinked again. "The Super High School Level Neurologist, Matsuda Yasuke?" 

"Yes?" 

Those crimson eyes narrowed to near slits. "The childhood best friend and love of Enoshima Junko?" 

"...yes?"

"Who developed the method that was used to wipe your highschool memories prior to the Killing Game?"

For a moment Naegi paused, unsure of how to answer that one. "I…guess so?" 

Crouching down onto his haunches, Kamukura leaned in even closer to Naegi. "So you are using memory erasing technology then?"

Naegi leaned back a little, uncomfortable as Kamukura's hair brushed against his face. "...Yes." 

"And, assuming you're placing all of Enoshima's protégé's in this program, you'll have about 15 students?" 

"Yes, if we manage to convince them all..." Naegi's a voice dropped a little, finding himself suddenly a little more insecure about his plan. "I don't mean to interrupt but… where are you going with this?"

Kamukura was almost shocked at how naive Naegi was, especially considering he had been the one to end Enoshima. Or was he just stupid? "I'm merely baffled that you would sacrifice your own health for the sake of people you don't know. People who are murderers."

It wasn't a complete lie, most people would not have such considerations for criminals, people who had committed crimes as heinous as the ones the remnants had committed. 

Naegi noted the lack of emotion in his voice. "You don't sound baffled…" 

Ignoring his comment, Kamukura nodded. "I'll participate. I'll make sure the others do too."

"Wait, you will?!" Whilst sitting up a little too excitedly, Naegi put pressure on his ankle, sending pain shooting up his leg. He winced and laid back again. 

"Don't do that. Your ankle is broken." Letting out a bored sigh, Kamukura straightened himself back up. 

"B-broken?!" Naegi's eyes widened to near saucers in shock. "I thought I just twisted it… Am I seriously that unlucky?" 

Kamukura began unbuttoning his black uniform jacket, earning a strange look from the other as he slid it off his shoulders. He then proceeded to fold it in half and kneel back down next to Naegi's broken ankle. 

The other boy watched in awe as he tied it tightly, using it as a makeshift splint to prevent Naegi's ankle from moving too much. "Y-you're too kind Kamukura-kun… much more so than I anticipated."

"I'm doing this purely out of necessity. Nothing more." Kamukura muttered as he tightened the knot, causing Naegi to hiss in pain. He then proceeded to slide his left arm under the boy's knees and right arm under his back, nestling snugly at the base of his spine. 

"Wait wait wait wait wait what are you-?" 

Kamukura lifted Naegi up, causing him to wrap his arms tightly around Kamukura's neck in alarm. "Y-you're carrying me?!" 

"It's not as though you can walk." Kamukura sighed exasperatedly. He was having no issues with Naegi's weight, his panicked yelling, however… 

"B-but I'm heavy…" Naegi refuted, loosening his grip a little when he realised Kamukura wasn't going to hurt him. 

"You weigh less than most girls, in accordance with your height." Kamukura spoke bluntly, scanning his eyes over Naegi's form. 

"H-Hey!!" 

"You're easily flustered."

"Don't tease me!" with the heat rising in his cheeks, Naegi buried his face into Kamukura's chest in hopes of hiding his embarrassment. "I get enough of that from Togami-kun!" 

Kamukura shuffled Naegi in order to give himself a more stable hold before walking out of the classroom. Naegi grumbled into Kamukura's chest, pulling himself even closer.

"You're also easily placated. I do not understand how you've managed to survive thus far." Kamukura muttered, seemingly more to himself than Naegi. 

"You're not the first one to say that to me." Naegi whispered, voice muffled by Kamukura's shirt. 

As tempted as Kamukura felt to further tease Naegi, he decided against upsetting the boy any more than he already had. An emotional fallout would be annoying. 

They walked in silence for a few more minutes as Kamukura traversed the stairs of the building, holding Naegi tightly in order to keep him safe. 

It was near impossible to speak up over the overwhelming presence of the other, so Naegi remained still and quiet. Kamukura, however, was unafraid of breaking that silence, and suddenly piped up with a question. 

"Would the Neo World Program allow me to become somebody else?" 

"U-uh...I don't see why not? It might affect the results, however." Mumbling in thought, Naegi tilted his head up to look at Kamukura. "Do you wish to become a different person, Kamukura-kun?" 

"Well, I'm assuming you'll try to reverse the despair by reverting us to our pre-despair selves. However, I do not have a pre-despair self." Kamukura dug his fingers slightly into Naegi's shoulder, not hard enough to hurt, but enough for Naegi to see he was distressed. "Well, except for… him." 

Naegi pressed his lips together, trying his best not to be too creeped out by Kamukura's ability to predict exactly what was going to happen. "Well, that is what we planned to do. But I thought you were turned to despair by Enoshima?" 

"I was turned to spreading despair by Enoshima. However, from the moment I was created, I have been despair. There is no joy in an existence so boring." Musing to himself, Kamukura closed his eyes for a moment, still walking perfectly straight as he did so. "When a human is an expert at everything, there is nothing left to do, no goals left to accomplish. I can predict anything and everything just as it is going to happen. Nothing surprises me, nothing brings me joy. I no longer have the ability to feel human emotions."

"I see, that makes sense… even though it is really sad." Pressing his head closer to Kamukura's chest, Naegi pondered how it must feel to live such a life. He was finding himself rather upset by the prospect. 

Even if Kamukura didn't feel any human emotions, and his strength was beyond human, Naegi could hear his heart beating softly in his chest. There was no doubt about the fact he was human beneath that cold exterior. 

"You pity me?" Kamukura's tone was rather confused, even curious. 

No matter how much he thought about it, Naegi couldn't understand why exactly that warranted such confusion. "I… guess?" 

"Even though I bear every talent known to man?" 

Naegi shrugged. "It's lonely at the top."

Looking away, Kamukura took a moment to turn the phrase over in his mind. "You're quite intriguing, Naegi Makoto. Taking pity on terrorists and murderers. I wonder, what exactly led you down this treacherous path?" 

"H-huh? It's just common human decency…" As he stammered away, Naegi found himself fiddling with his hands against Kamukura's back. "You guys were normal teenagers once, it's not fair that you have to die just because your lives also got ruined by Enoshima."

"Many innocent people have died at both our hands and Enoshima's." It confused Naegi how Kamukura could confess such a thing so casually, so stone-faced. "It is only just that we pay for our crimes."

"That's why it should end here!" Naegi said that a little too loudly, too passionately. He adjusted his tone to be a bit more quiet. "A-And you guys should be allowed to have normal lives too."

Kamukura merely stared blankly ahead, lost in thought. "…You really are just like your sister."

Naegi suddenly gripped the fabric of Kamukura's blazer tightly, pulling himself up a little. "You've met Komaru?!"

"No." The words were curt. "Stop moving."

Naegi was confused enough by the response to decide it was best to stop talking. It seemed his weariness from being on his feet all day was starting to catch up with him, and the warmth from Kamukura's body wasn't helping his situation whatsoever. He allowed his eyelids to rest, relaxing to the tune of Kamukura's heartbeat against his ear and the rock of his movements. 

Kamukura found himself most unimpressed by this new burden. This boy had the audacity to not only break his ankle, but was now steadily shifting into REM sleep in his arms. The worst part was that ridiculously soft expression he was making, blushing slightly even in his sleep.

As Naegi mumbled sleepily, he relaxed his arms, opting to move them away from the other's neck and instead have them wrapped around his torso. Kamukura could rouse the boy, but he wouldn't dare. 

"Napping in the middle of the apocalypse in the arms of a terrorist?" Kamukura whispered to himself. "You truly are strange, Naegi Makoto."