#i want my mom back
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at least I have food
#oats with oat milk and sugar which I made MYSELF because no one makes food in this house#I want my mom back#og
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i miss my mom so much
#my post#i keep dreaming about her and then waking up and crying#i want my mom back#i want her to see how independent ive become and be proud
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What is that post that's like:
"I want to go home"
"You are home."
#I want to go home harder.#I want it to go back#I want to go back.#I want to be home#I want to be how I was#I want my mom back
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💁♀️
#at least with my mom i felt cared about#how do you constantly hit up the person with no income for money taking over $500 from them in 3 months drag ass on paying them back#and still not show them any consideration#now im just back to where i was. going hungry and not able to afford anything again#my fault for buying stuff the cats and i needed i guess#my fault for being optimistic. my fault for helping.#why did i think i could maybe do this clearly im irresponsible with no preservation#cant afford my storage unit. got a threat of collections coming after me. i cant just keep asking for help.#i want my mom back
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no one prepares you for how hard it is to watch your parent slowly mentally deteriorate
#rant#my mom isn’t the same woman who raised me anymore#she hasn’t been for a while#i’m only 20#and she’s slipping away#it’s not fair#i already don’t have a dad#this is her second round in a mental facility in one year#i’m not supposed to be the one taking care of her#it’s supposed to be the other way around#im only just now realizing how much she’s changed#it hurts so much#i want my mom back
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#mental health#bipolar depression#manic depression#edgar allen poe#self care#creative writing#creative outlet#sad thoughts#struggle#head above water#chaotic mind#this is me trying#sensory overload#overwhelmed#i want my mom back#september#mournful#i'm just so tired#mental health awareness#heartbroken#art therapy#my photgraphy#my writing#medication#first post
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real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)
im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in
#yes the 🍑🍑🍑was just an excuse to shove ass emojis in your face i'm only (occasionally. allegedly) human#now ask me about my FIRST worst new year eve. it involves wizards and portals and elaborate lies i make up on the spot#SAD REAL TALK <STARTS>:#also made the mistake of reaching out to my mom post-xmas#like what kind of c-ptsd NOOB does that. what kinda chronic holiday trauma survivor NOVICE??? embarrassing#THE SEDUCTIVE FALSE HOPE OF NOSTALGIA WILL LURE YOU IN EVERY TIME#'oh but maybe they won't disappoint me. but maybe they won't rip my heart out this time'#sweetheart that's your dear sweet inner child's yearning for what never was or will be. BEAT IT BACK WITH A STICK!#SAD REAL TALK <ENDS>#....back to that part where i talked about being bent out of shape#if anyone w/ metalwork skills wants ta take a blowtorch & hammer & tongs & have at... I'm open to experimentation is all im sayin#in lieu of that i would also welcome someone buying me a sandwich. i am. so sore.#(metaphysically sore but also the other more urgent im-at-my-daily-NSAIDs-limit kinda sore)#(hence: sanwimch)#...i got so sleepy writing this i started imagining the astonishing hedonism#of stroking a freshly grilled cheese-dripping sandwhich across my body like a loofah#the soothingness of the gooey warm near liquid cheese. the vaguely spongelike quality of toasted sourdough slice.#look i didn't imagine it on PURPOSE it just came to me like a vision like a threat#like one of those weird mens locker room ads where the sportsball is watermelon??? u know the one#where there's nudity & food & homoerotica & hot steaming showers in the background and STILL the overall effect is more offputting than sex#look i have a throat infection. i can barely swallow. i'm sipping chocolate milk to survive and i'm NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. each drop is agon#(opposite side of the Tantalus spectrum but i'm suffering more than he has in 3.5 thousand years)#i'm dehydrated. barely conscious. electrolytes are circling down the drain. doctors should be incubating me w/ capri sun straws right now.#I GET A PASS ON THESE TAGS#i don't know what i wrote! and i don't stand by it! and you can't make me read em!!!
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It’s been almost two years. Isn’t that enough time to start talking to you again? Can I say I’ve forgiven you yet and go back to the way things were?
#mango#i just. i miss having a mom#i want my mom back#she wasn’t a good one#she was abusive in almost every sense of the word#but she was mine. and even after everything i miss her#it sucks not having a proper ‘family’ you feel connectes to anymore#not having the people you GREW UP WITH anymore#i miss ny parents. so so much#alexa play motionsickness by phoebe bridgers#and also alexa play kioko by phoebe bridgers#patton 🐶
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thinking of comedic ways of how the hell that talk is gonna go
#you can pinpoint when i stopped giving a crap about clean lines#once again in the collection of 'this was funnier in my head'#then again i am very funny in my head my hands cant compete#why am i rambling in the tags you ask? i can do what i want MOM#this is for all the people saying that he can still learn about being a sentimonster#its true he can!! and thats hilarious to me#they cannot frame that reveal in any form that still makes gabriel look good lmao#anyway back to the mines i go#miraculous ladybug#ml spoilers#mlb#my art#lily doodles#mlb meme#mlb shitpost#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#felix fathom#nathalie sancoeur#gabriel agreste#miraculous#mlb london#sort of
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⭐PRINCESS RAYLA⭐
Playing around imagining what an older Rayla might look like (a total excuse to draw her in a dress).
I think she's between 25 and 30 here, got a bit to get used having the title as the first elven princess of The Pentarchy. The earrings are a reference to her Arc 2 concept art but for a lot of reasons it made sense they scrapped the idea so I HC that when the war is over and she doesn't have to fight anymore she will let her hair loose, wear jewerly and pretty dresses (ofc all gifted by Callum since we know how babygirl is).
Her back is open because Callum wants to enjoy the view
#drawing fullbodies killed my grandma okay#also she's already a mom here. pretty mom#the horncuff are from the official valentines art they are her engagement cuffs here#i want her to be happy and comfy and not needing to fight#tdp#the dragon prince#rayla#tategaminu art#continue the saga#give us the saga#this was on my wips for months but I got back at it because her xadia red carpet outfit made me mad :D#LET THE GIRL WEAR A DRESS YOU COWARDS#whos she looking at? we know hehehehehe#can i tag this as rayllum? it kinda is!?? adjancently?#rayllum
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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Hanging out with big brother and his new lab partner after school, waiting for mum to be done with council work
#I love projecting childhood experiences onto my fave characters#waiting for my mom to come get me from the nurse’s station after she does her rounds#anyways I love thinking about cait meeting Viktor#Jayce wanting her opinion#cait asking so many questions about everything they’re doing#Viktor asking when she’ll come back#I just love thinking about that 7 year time skip time.. so much couldve happened#art#fanart#digital art#fan art#arcane#arcane fanart#caitlyn kiramman#jayce talis#viktor arcane
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Moon 17: So yeah! This happened!
(Sidenote for Cedar's kits, they're meant to be 4-5 weeks/1 moon old already - so they're weaned from needing milk)
Also, also baby refs:
#story#splinterclan#clangen#cedarheart#elkkit#moonkit#prairiekit#burnkit#i feel like the mom of these guys is pretty obvious lol#and here's where i admit I've known about these kits for ages#and i wrote Bess into the story and designed her based off these kits#bc i wanted them to have a canon mom and also cedar disappearing for a month#right before coming back home with kits was too good not to#capatalize on#babies time!!!!#myrtleflower#whorlstar#pansybloom#i literally wrote in my notes 'what is going oooooon' after this moon lmao
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hi
gentle reminder that me and my family are still in need of help and my comms are open, i have school so i may not be very fast but i try my best to be despite the situation i currently live in it would be great if you could help in any way, even just by sharing. thank you for everyone who helped me so far (and a special thanks to EmeliaK), i had wished by now this would be over but it's not. so i gotta keep fighting
thank you
#important#more info is on the link that i put on the text#as always if you need more info im free to share#its just that the country i live in just sucks so bad and you need to pay for everything#so every single money we spend just. goes and never returns#because no one is also offering my mom any job#she did so many interviews too and they never called back#i just want all this to end in a good way im lowkey so tired#im so sorry i have to remind you guys of this again im just.#i was gonna draw something but my mom keeps crying about this i eventually cant keep pretending im ok anymore
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merlin told arthur his favorite color was the color of the sky during sunset when it shifted into a deep violet. arthur gets a tunic made in that exact shade. its the best thing merlin owns. arthur was hoping that would mean he’d wear it almost everyday but merlin almost never wears it. the only time he does wear it is when royals come to visit (which isn’t all that often). arthur “subtly” asks about it and merlin is like “it’s the best thing i own. i’m not gonna dirty it mucking out the stables or serving rowdy knights wine while they splatter food on it” and arthur is like “why not wear it when nobles come to visit? look at least a little presentable for them” (cough nice save). merlin doesn’t see the point in it bc nobles don’t care about him at best, view him as less than human at worst.
arthur really just wants to see his boyfriend servant in the tunic he had made for him (bonus points for sending a message that merlin is his. not that merlin seems to notice. man is too much of an idiot). merlin wants to preserve his favorite tunic and gift from his boyfriend king.
#arthur absolutely checks him out every time he walks out in it#every ten seconds hes looking away from his guests and staring at merlin#merlin only realizes about half the time#that hes staring. not that he’s checking him out.#arthur noticed the few nobles staring at merlin like a hot piece of ass#he keeps merlin in his chambers with a list of chores to complete#it keeps him busy until the visiting noble is gone#arthur desperately wants merlin to wear the damn tunic to get the nobles to back off#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#THAT FUCKING PURPLE TUNIC LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE#WHAT WAS THE REASON#i hc merlins favorite color is purple bc out in ealdor he was surroubded by green brown and beige#with the occasional red from the blood of livestock#but when the sun went down after a long day and he and will lay out in the field behind his moms house#he’d see the rich violet of the sky and fall in love#but since yknow peasant boy he can only afford red and blue clothing so thats what he gets#hc#head canon#headcanon#fanfic#fanfiction#fic idea
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I don't think we as a fandom talk enough about how arthur actually desperately didn't want to be a prince
#“I’d sacrifice my place on the throne for her to see another sunrise”#“We can leave Camelot and never come back”#“If I wasn’t a prince I think we’d probably get on”#“Sometimes I dream of leaving Camelot. Become a farmer.”#if a guy threatens to leave the throne for you once he loves you#if he threatens to leave the throne a hundred times he loves leaving the throne#he wanted his destiny probably less than merlin wanted his own that's insane#he just wanted a farm. and his mom. :((#merlin#arthur#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon
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