#i want make it super clear that the VAST majority of responses to this post have been wholehearted agreement

[ilovedthestars]

I've gotten multiple responses to this post that are basically along the lines of, "I mostly agree with this, but calling close platonic relationships 'queer' still feels weird to me. That's not what 'queer' usually means and I don't know if I'd use it to describe relationships like this."

And like. I appreciate that people are listening to my point and being receptive to it, even if it feels a little Out There to them! I genuinely appreciate the folks who aren't sure they get this but are hearing me out.

But I also keep wanting to be like. Yeah, that's my point!

We don't use 'queer' to describe platonic relationships but I think we should. (Or at least, should be able to, when it fits the circumstances!) I know, and I acknowledge directly in the post, that this is not a widely accepted usage of the term. I am arguing for an expansion of the term.

I can only make guesses as to what people with this kind of reluctance are feeling, but my best guess is that they're used to "queer" (or at least "queer relationship") being used mostly in reference to gay/lesbian/same-gender love and attraction. A lot of people mostly associate the word "queer" with gay romance. And while that's a big subset of queer experiences, honestly, I think it's a shame that it's often the only type of queer experience that gets talked about.

Queer is an umbrella term for a reason! Is there any reason "queer relationships" shouldn't include, say, friendships between queer/trans people? Or romantic/sexual relationships that could be considered straight, but include one or more trans people? Or, as I make the argument above, relationships that are breaking down the normative ideas of what kinds of relationships a person is "allowed" to have, regardless of whether the people involved are themselves queer?

Maybe that last one is a leap for some people, and you think that a relationship can't be queer if the people in it don't identify with any of the LGBTQ+ labels. I understand that reservation, but honestly, I think that there's so much social pressure against non-normative relationships that people who break them should get to be considered queer / in a queer relationship if they want, and that we should get to apply queer interpretations to characters in that kind of relationship as well.

(Also, like, a lot of people in non-normative relationships are in fact queer, especially aromantic and asexual. But if we aspecs can have fun with our queer friendships and queerplatonic relationships, I don't see why anyone else shouldn't be able to!)

Anyway, all that to say that if this is pushing your definition of queer a little bit, good! That's what I was trying to do! And I hope people come away from this a little more open to the idea.

If you still aren't really convinced, that's okay. If it doesn't change what you personally use the word "queer" for, I hope you still get something else out of this post—like learning about amatonormativity and starting to see it around you, or considering friendships in media through a queer / anti-amatonormative lens of analysis when it feels relevant. (Or just being more chill about aro and ace people in fandoms who don't ship your ships. Please. We would really appreciate it.)

And I just want to say, while I'm here: Thank you for the incredible response to this post. It's just over 10k notes as I'm posting this and I'm so happy that so many people are interested in this topic & my thoughts on it (and so grateful that the response has been 99.99% positive so far). To all the aspec folks who have told me I've put something into words that you never could—thank you, I'm truly honored and I love you all 💜💚. To all the people who have told me I've opened their eyes to something new—thank you for being curious and willing to learn! And to all the people who still don't get it but are here anyway—thank you for listening to what I had to say. I'm glad you're here.

I wish it wasn’t a hot take that a story in which two characters of any gender prioritize their purely platonic relationship over any other romantic or sexual interests they might have is a textually queer story

[hollygl125]

On kudos + comments + sharing the love:

On the weekend I was reading some of the notes on one of those posts where people bemoan the inability to leave more kudos on AO3 (second kudos! kudos on every chapter! endless kudos! etc.), so that authors would really know how much their work meant. And I think one of those notes made something in my mind snap a little.

I’ve seen many posts with people bemoaning (seriously or not) the inability to leave more kudos. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any authors bemoaning the limitations of AO3’s kudosing system. But I’ve seen many, many posts (and tags, and comments, and so on) with authors begging—pleading, imploring—readers to comment (more). And there’s such a fundamental disconnect in that.

A recent Tumblr poll asked whether AO3 authors would prefer 100 hits, 10 kudos, or 1 comment. 78% of the almost 20,000 respondents chose 1 comment. This was not a surprising outcome.

I’ve always seen those “I want to leave more kudos!” posts as essentially harmless general expressions of support. I assume the vast majority (small caveat explained later) of people making and reblogging those posts have good intentions, and I appreciate them for that. I’ve also reblogged those posts with good intentions.

The note (comment or tag, can’t remember) that made something in me snap a little claimed that the people responding to these kudos posts by talking about comments were like the people responding to posts where someone says they like pancakes and asking, “Yeah, but what about waffles?” And that claim so profoundly misses the point—it misses this fundamental disconnect.

If I were to translate the situation to pancakes and waffles, I’d explain it like this:

A lot of people keep saying they really want to show their support for authors by giving them pancakes. AO3 only lets them give one pancake per story. They love the stories, though, so they really want to show their support by giving more pancakes. And the authors of these stories respond by saying, “Okay, cool, but what we really love is waffles. And we don’t get enough waffles. Fresh waffles with maple syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream are great if you have that in you, but we also really enjoy a toasted Eggo! Heck, we like pictures of waffles! We like the word waffle! We like the waffle emoji! 🧇🧇🧇 We are absolutely starving for waffles. Plus there are no limits on waffles! You can give us waffles every chapter, as many times as you want!” And yet the posts about pancakes continue. And the authors continue to yearn for waffles.

This all brought to mind an interaction I had on another website, several months ago, with someone who seems to have built their whole social media presence around supporting fic and (ostensibly) authors. And this interaction actually made my head want to explode. Here’s how it went (transcribed verbatim):

OP: i wish ao3 copied tinder and once a day it’d let me leave SUPER KUDOS on fics. i'm holding the authors by the shoulders and saying HELLO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR WRITING 😭 Second poster: [Poster agrees they want fic authors to know how much they appreciate the beauty fic authors have brought to their life.] Me: I know y’all know this, but in case anyone doesn’t: Literally type this into the comment box, and the author will be thrilled. The author *does not know* you spend all that time thinking about their work. They will be ecstatic. 💛 OP: its not the same guys Me: As an author, if someone typed, "SUPER KUDOS" for me, it would certainly make *my* day. Me: Like, I will definitely feel more loved by someone bothering to type something than by someone pressing a button—and isn’t that the point? OP: thats so not the point. you can comment and still want to press a shiny button. [And that is when my head almost exploded.] Me: Your responses are making it patently clear that you care more about pressing the shiny button than you do about supporting authors who are telling you how much they appreciate comments. Super disappointing. [And that is when I blocked OP.]

I was not the only person to suggest politely that authors would be happy with comments; I was also not the only person to whom OP replied that leaving comments was “not the same.”

I mean, you can like pressing shiny buttons. (Who doesn’t, really?) But don’t claim you want to press that shiny button because you care so much about the authors’ writing and want to hold the authors by the shoulder and tell them that and then say in the end that authors’ feelings are “so not the point.”

I assume the vast majority of people are not being disingenuous and self-serving (e.g., building a brand around supporting authors rather than actually caring about supporting authors) when they make these kinds of posts. But it’s in this light that I find the fundamental disconnect—authors begging for comments while others continue to post about wanting to leave more kudos—so frustrating. Because, if it’s really about supporting authors, then what will make authors feel the most supported and engaged and loved and not just incredibly and overwhelmingly lonely really should be the point, shouldn’t it? (It will, for the record, certainly be what encourages authors to keep writing and posting, and I really think that’s what best serves everyone involved, don’t you?)

As a final note for this post, this comment made me think about what it would mean in reality to have more kudos options, and I realized that, while I very much and very truly appreciate each kudos I receive . . . I really don’t want more options for readers to leave kudos.

Comparison is the thief of joy. For this reason, I already hide all stats on AO3. I don’t want any more metrics for comparison. I don’t want to be wondering why a particular chapter didn’t get more kudos or a story didn’t get second kudos. I like that, as I move further into a multi-chapter story, I don’t have to think anymore about whether I’m getting kudos.

The particular post I was reviewing thought authors deserved more than 200 kudos for 100k stories. I post in a quiet little corner of AO3. I’ll almost certainly never get anywhere even close to that, and that’s okay. It’s all relative anyway (again, comparison!). So changing the number of kudos a story can receive will simply change what seems like a lot or a little.

Moreover, I predict that giving additional kudos options would result in even fewer comments than the already small number (as, e.g., people felt they could express their chapter or reread appreciation with additional kudos, thereby becoming even less in the habit of leaving comments). And that’s really not what authors want.

So, yes, if you at all have it in you (and I know it can feel like work, and I know it can seem difficult or daunting, and I know sometimes you just don’t in fact have it in you), please support AO3 authors by listening to what we actually want. (Comment. We want people to talk to us about this stuff we adore and into which we have poured parts of ourselves! Please come share in the love with us. 💛)

I’ll be back with some of my thoughts on how to leave comments, because that only seems fair.

[amysubmits]

Loving your podcast (except the amount of “ums” used in every sentence ;) )! I shared it with my husband as we venture into our dd/ds journey. It’s very refreshing to hear a real couple and their real perspectives from fetish/kink POV’s. I know you’ve talked a lot about your DD and spanking fetish; but how did you actually start/come out to CD about these things? What was his initial reaction?

Sorry for the late reply, I was a bit triggered by your 'joke' about my overuse of "ums". I believe in at least one podcast episode I addressed how I am self-conscious about how I am not a graceful speaker and how it makes editing difficult because I am not a linear speaker or thinker. I lose my train of thought frequently, struggle to find words, etc. So, I do say 'um' excessively, it's way worse IRL than on the podcast as we edited the vast majority of them out. Not all can be removed as it would break the flow of conversation or whatever else. We tried to edit to make things a little more cohesive and easier to listen to. So, yeah, what I basically got from your message was 'this person finds you annoying even when your way of speaking is cleaned up more than 50%' and that's painful even though it's true, I wish you hadn't told me that as I can't really do anything about it, it's just part of how my ADHD or other neurodivergence works. I felt like I should respond to that portion as I'm working on using my voice to defending myself, being less of a people pleaser, accepting myself and having more self-compassion/respect, etc. But I don't want to dwell so, moving on to the far more enjoyable part of your ask!

I think I've shared how I 'came out' to CD at some point in the past but I don't recall what blog post(s) that would have been in. If I come across them later I'll try to reblog for you. It's now been about 10 years since I asked for DD, and I had told CD about my interest in spanking prior to that, though I don't really recall when that was. So, my memory is not super detailed at this point but I'll try to give a general idea.

As wild as this is, he playfully spanked me before we were officially dating. About a week before he'd ask me to be his girlfriend, we went to the grocery store to hang out because that's all that is open in our town after like 7pm so we'd just go walk around the store sometimes when we were friends. And this day I had attended a funeral and I was still wearing a dress but I had switched into some flip-flops so my feet would be more comfortable. And as we're walking around I decided to buy some chips, but the ones I wanted were on a higher shelf and I am short, so I stepped on one of the lower shelves to get myself high enough to reach the chips I wanted, but one of my flip-flops fell off and he grabbed it while I was still up on the shelf and used it to swat my butt. I think basically in response to seeing that he was open to that sort of play (literally meaning play, no sexual connotation) I started leaning into that sort of play fighting, play wrestling kinda rough housing stuff with him and I'd slap his ass to get him to retaliate. He'd always do this harder, so I'd fight back harder, and I think it was after we were officially dating, but it eventually advanced to him using my belt on me over my pants! But it was all very giggly and playful. In hindsight, this sort of play probably should have made it clear to both of us that we were playing with spanking as a kink but it was never overtly sexual so I had compartmentalized it as just, innocent play. Haha.

I'm REALLY guessing here, but I think we had probably been dating at least six months before I actually told him I was into spanking. He's always had an easier time being open and direct with conversations in general, but especially sexual ones, than I have been. So pretty early on he would try to ask me questions to get a better understanding of my sexual interests and what I liked, basically. I had a lot of shame and anxiety around my sexuality and my kinks and had no experience with being open about anything like that, I found myself sort of just getting awkward when he tried to get me to talk about things like that, and so he never pushed too hard. I knew that spanking was a meaningful part of my sexuality but I was so young and naive still that I thought this was like a one in a million type of kink to have. So for a while I thought it was so weird that I would just never be able to tell him or anyone as it was so 'freakish' in my mind. But as our relationship progressed and I felt safer and safer, it just felt less possible to keep it from him. So eventually I did. I don't remember exactly what I said, sorry. I know that when I spilled the beans, I said something like 'I hope you don't think I'm weird' or gross or a freak or something like that, idk exactly. But I know his response to me was essentially "What? no….that's hot!" which was SUCH a relief because I was so in love with him and it would have been devastating if he was judgemental of it. I believe he also said something to make me think that being into it wasn't nearly as weird (I guess what I really mean is rare) as I had believed it to be. At this time, I had not yet come across the idea of DD, so really all I shared was I was into spanking as that's basically all I knew.

After finding that out, he'd smack my butt while we were doing sexual things but I didn't really enjoy that much so that didn't last. A few years later I came across the idea of DD online and shared that with CD. He was curious but also had some concerns and a lot of questions. He didn't feel like I 'needed' rules and worried that giving me a rule would cause me to break that rule to get spanked which was a dynamic he didn't want to create. I didn't really have good answers to his questions, and I also was still deeply ashamed of these desires so it made it hard for me to have conversations about any of this. I'd even try to avoid saying the word 'spanking' out loud which was really confusing. In hindsight, I just clearly was not ready to engage with any of this stuff because I couldn't talk about it clearly enough to keep things safe. And I didn't realize that, but thankfully, he did. So for a while we'd occasionally talk about it but he'd raise the same questions that I didn't have good answers to and so I'd get awkward and embarrassed and end the conversation and it wouldn't be brought up again for a while. But over time we worked through some of the questions and concerns enough to feel comfortable giving it a try, except we couldn't think of any good rules at first. But then one day I lost my debit card again, which was a recurring problem for me, and it occurred to CD that it might make a good rule so he suggested it as our first rule and that's how we started.

And since then it's been a whole lot of communication and learning as we go, adapting regularly to insight we gain into ourselves and each other along the way. :)

[fancyfade]

image: a screencap reading "she pummels the wall until her hands bleed. the knuckles splitting open and fingers cracking beneath the strain. The wood gives, splintering into fragments that catch in her flesh. It still doesn't hurt. Nothing hurts compared to the grief in her chest. Outside her heart, the world is still numb.

I do love 2009 era Batfam content and wish we got to see Cass there more.

However I really am curious what you mean by cass isn't capable of deprogramming Damian the way Dick is, b/c when I just re-read the comics... Dick really didn't do any deprogramming on panel?

He never explains moral codes, he spends more time dedicated to teaching detective or sparring skills when we see him teaching (in Winick and Daniel's Batman comics).

For the vast majority of their team-ups, he doesn't seem very invested in teaching Damian at all (which I don't think is negligence on his part, b/c Damian has already got a ton of Robin skills, but it's also not really a point for him being actively deprogramming Damian).

When questions of damian's field conduct do come up, Dick doesn't really appeal to any 'this is the right thing to do' logic, it's more of just 'don't do that'. Normally, if damian has to make a decision WRT life or death (Not killing Zsasz) it's when Dick is not even on panel, and Damian comes to the conclusion himself or with other people. We also see him articulate feeling bad for not rescuing Scarlet completely independently of Dick, who is like "oh that's a first" when Damian says he feels bad about her.

Like i do believe that being a superhero benefitted Damian because he had clear rules he was following (once Batman and Son is done, Damian doesn't really try to kill people randomly? the one instance he does, like dropping Hush off a building, Dick doesn't say much of anything at all in response IIRC). But I also think there's not something that specifically Dick did that no one else could, because Dick is not very invested in deprogramming Damian and often seems frustrated with him just like the other members of the Batfam. their dynamic shifts to a little more friendly and bantery after Bruce comes back and Dmaian's already articulated why he wants to be Robin and turned his back on the league fully. But that is not how it is at first. I'm pretty sure most adult superheroes who could stand being around Damian and work professionally would be able to do the same thing.

I'd argue we also see Cass doing pretty much exactly what Dick does with Damian when she's with Marque - she just stops her from killing someone and they move onto the plot, and in general that's what Dick does if Damian does try to break rules in the field, which is pretty seldom. She also successfully leads some fanboy assassins away from LoA in Batgirl 2000. In general I'm stretching to think of what Dick did that Cass couldn't?

In general I do think fandom kind of over-exaggerates dick's role in damian developing his moral code. most of it is done from his own experience, very little input from Dick and that input often is not super helpful, and he's pretty much OK with the not killing people (even if he doesn't 'get it' at first - if he disagrees he's still not actively trying to murder people) following Bruce's rules post Batman and Son.

rewriting cass to be present for batman rip and bftc and reborn adds so much more meat to chew on because at that point cass can’t be batman because right then batman means taking damian as a robin, and cass isn’t capable of deprogramming him the same way dick is. how would cass’s stringent moral code — created the moment she took a life and remaining unshakeable — be helpful to damian, who has also killed and must now embark on that journey on his own terms? how can cass grapple with losing a mantle she wants, and watch dick be crushed by the weight everyone insists he needs. cass understands exactly what she can do. she knows how to win any fight. but she cannot do this, right now

also thinking about how cass would mourn bruce. and how she cares about everyone to the point of pain

[nothorses]

hey uh random question about a post i saw earlier- asking you this because you're more or less a reputable source but uh are trans mra an actual thing or closer to hyperbole. what I'm trying to say is i saw a post (by someone i won't reveal now because i don't wanna start shit up but i could tell you in another ask if you wanted to) that compared a post on discrimination men face in their daily lives (trans men weren't specified but op's url left no doubt about that) to MRA and was also tagged "#transandrodorks" so uh yeah !

asking cause i wanna hear both sides on this issue and all. the person who made that post has made more than a few iffy statements about trans men so yeah. my current stance is that transandrophobia is helpful in describing the specific oppression transmascs face, such as hard-to-access reproductive care

have a good time of day

If there are actual "trans MRAs", I haven't met them. I have, however, definitely been accused of being one!

A short list of things people have accused me of being a "trans MRA" for:

Saying male privilege was not designed to include trans men, and if it can, it excludes us.

Saying trans men, as a class, do not posses privilege on the basis of being trans men.

Saying trans men have higher rates of lifetime sexual assault and suicide than trans women do (a real statistic repeated across several individual studies) though trans women have higher rates of other forms of violence and marginalization.

Saying trans men experience discrimination that is unique to trans men.

Talking about Baeddels, just like, in general.

Using the word "transandrophobia".

Saying testosterone does not turn people into horrible monsters.

Talking about Joan of Arc's relationship to masculinity and the possibility of transness.

Defending trans women and discussing transmisogyny as a real issue that must be dealt with.

Some of it's been from transfemmes, and some of it's been from TERFs, but the vast majority of the people who have said this have been cis women.

That's not to say there aren't transmascs who make shitty arguments or say and do shitty things- aside from the fact that that's just true of any group, in general, I have also seen transmascs who get misogynistic or transmisogynystic in their arguments for the existence of transandrophobia.

But this isn't unique to us, either. Baeddelism is an entire movement built around transfems getting horribly transphobia toward both trans men and nonbinary people as a whole in their arguments for the existence of transmisogyny. Does that mean it doesn't exist? Does that mean all transfems who believe in transmisogyny are like this?

Obviously not.

There are always going to be people who take these things too far, who use real issues and useful concepts as bludgeons against groups that should be- and are- our allies.

We need to make it clear we don't condone that and we don't want to be associated with that, but we also can't be held responsible for that as an entire demographic. It's unfair to associate us with it anyway, despite the work we do to make our separation clear.

And I'd be super suspicious of anyone trying to discredit the concept of an entire marginalized group experiencing unique marginalization just because some of the voices in there might be, or are, using that concept the wrong way. Transmascs shouldn't have to be a flawless group of perfect individuals in order for any of us to be believed when we talk about our lived experiences.

[faelicy]

Miss Faelicy I would love to get your opinion on Bingqiu.

I see people posting things like how they are "problematic" and how they don't really love each other and SQQ only feels sympathy etc. Obviously there were struggles between them as there should be (considering all that happened) and just because sqq wasn't very open and super obvious about his feelings doesn't mean they are not there..this is how I interpreted it. I would love to know your opinion

Hello! This also covers part 2 of the previous ask.

First, massive spoilers for the end of the novel. Second, a disclaimer: I despise shipwars, which I think are behind most of those comments. I hate them because it's usually all in bad faith: everyone's already committed to their interpretation of the ships, and any discussion is just a guise for justifying their preferences.

So to any readers: I don't want anything here to be used as shipwar fuel. This post is about Bingqiu's canon arc and themes. Basically, I don't know or care if Bingqiu is a good ship, but I do think it's a well-written one.

I'll start by saying directly: for most of the novel, Bingqiu is neither healthy nor romantic. And that this is not bad writing, but on purpose.

A relationship that drives one party to mental breakdown isn't healthy. A relationship where that party says it's okay to hurt or kill them can't possibly be healthy. That happened because there was something deeply wrong with their relationship, something that can't be reduced to Xin Mo, miscommunication, or LBH throwing a tropey yandere fit.

And out of all three MXTX novels, only SV lacks a love confession from the MC to the ML. Again, I don't think it's an oversight, or just because SQQ's face is too thin. There are plenty of ways MXTX could have worked a subtle one in if she really wanted to.

In my opinion, Bingqiu's narrative can be split up into four arcs: Qing Jing Peak (ch 1-27), Jin Lan City (28-43), Post-revival (29-55), and Reconciliation (56-81). Other than the first arc, where their relationship is pretty straightforward, Bingqiu spend most of the rest in direct conflict.

I'll give an overview of the arcs here, but what I truly want to say about Bingqiu starts in arc 4, so if you're impatient you can scroll down. But the overview might help add context.

Jin Lan City arc is about LBH's anger at being brutally betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust. Here he tries to force answers out of SQQ, who he believes both hates him and is a hypocrite. He's driven by a desire to return to the past, but his rage and love makes his actions contradictory: on one hand he tries to win SQQ's approval constructively, by climbing to the top of Huan Hua Palace and performing good deeds, on the other hand his belief that SQQ doesn't care about him so it's all futile anyway (reinforced by SQQ's own actions) causes him to lash out destructively, going as far as to hurt and imprison SQQ.

LBH's bitterness is portrayed very negatively, because all it does is instill despair into SQQ, until SQQ ends up believing that he's only been a blight on LBH's life, and that he must make up for it by killing himself. Whereupon LBH breaks down, regressing into a childlike state. Some might ask, why does LBH never bring up the Abyss again afterwards? It's because he gives up here. This entire arc is about getting LBH to let go of past wrongs and to stop seeking answers, whether the reader believes it's fair to him or not. Because SQQ's life is more important.

Post-revival arc then is about SQQ trying to come to terms with a blackened LBH who also loves him. Interestingly, despite SQQ's horror at realizing LBH was romantically interested in him all along, SQQ actually has a very subtle but telling secondary reaction. To explain, let's back up to the first arc.

Starting around ch 9, probably as a sign of his growing affection, SQQ begins addressing LBH as 这孩子, or "this child," in his internal monologue, instead of LBH's name. He does it once each in ch 9, 12, 17, 21, 25. However, once Jin Lan City arc starts, SQQ drops the address entirely. LBH and "child" are never brought up together except for one snarky comment on LBH's tantrum being disgracefully childish in ch 38.

At first glance this doesn't look noteworthy because LBH by this point is no longer a kid. But when LBH kisses him in ch 49, SQQ changes again: right away he returns to using "child" on LBH, and the "this child" address starts popping up at a much higher frequency. By the end of SV SQQ has referred to LBH as a child in some manner at least 35 times (yes I went and counted), with the vast majority after ch 49, and he continues to do so right into the last extra.

Why was SQQ unwilling to use this address of affection for over 20 chapters? Perhaps because he too thought LBH hated him, and couldn't bear to think about him so intimately knowing that. So SQQ immediately falling back into it the moment he learns LBH loves him is a sign of his relief. He's still dismayed at the romantic part, but though SQQ likes to deflect from his real emotions (this is the guy who focused on bad naming sense after being fatally poisoned, who cavalierly commented only after it was all over that he'd expected to die), the fact that LBH loves and doesn't hate him, means a lot.

Here SQQ's feelings towards LBH are at their most complicated. He still assumes the worst of him like in Jin Lan City, but now because of the above, also sees a lonely child whenever LBH is unhappy and lost. It's like he has two filters actively interfering with each other, "crazed criminal" and "pitiful child," and so he flip-flops between pushing LBH away and comforting him. But when LBH drags CQMS into it, and even seemingly takes advantage of SQQ's love for him, SQQ's negative image and frustration with him only grows, until he finally snaps and tells LBH to never come near him again.

At this point SQQ still believes that LBH is the same black-hearted, invincible, devil incarnate that og!LBH was portrayed to be. The Reconciliation arc starts by chipping away at this filter that's been plaguing SQQ for so long. First the revelation that TLJ/ZZL was behind the sowers, thus clearing LBH's name at Jin Lan City. Then we see how unloved he is by his own father; we see him injured and helpless and unconscious. Meng Mo yells at SQQ, reinforcing that image of a vulnerable, terrified child. So by ch 62 SQQ has thrown away the "crazed criminal" filter completely, and in that same chapter they cling to each other and finally make up. Because while it's true that the current LBH is misanthropic, antisocial, and mercurial, SQQ has also finally accepted that he's still the same LBH he'd raised and doted on, back on Qing Jing Peak.

Now I'm going to talk about what I see as the most important part of Bingqiu. Yes, despite the wall of text already.

A common sentiment of Bingqiu shippers about their issues seems to be, "SQQ is dumb and oblivious; he can't figure out what LBH needs even though he loves him because he sees LBH as a novel character," but I think the problem is far more complicated and insidious than that. If that was everything, why give SQQ the epiphany that he misunderstood LBH so early? Why have him think in ch 66 that "truthfully, he'd never really trusted Luo Binghe, and that's why he kept accidentally hurting him?" If he's already realized that he shouldn't treat LBH like og!LBH (he even meets og!LBH in ch 71 to rub it in further), why do we go another 13 chapters believing their relationship is good and well, even giving us a sweet, happy moment in ch 75, only to show LBH having the worst breakdown of the novel just 4 chapters later? Was it all just padding to demonstrate the danger of Xin Mo?

Or is there something else beneath the surface?

In ch 66, the same chapter where SQQ implies he doesn't want to accidentally hurt LBH anymore, he says something telling. When LQG is skeptical that LBH can be trusted, SQQ thinks, 家里孩子不懂事，大人不容易做, or "when your child doesn't know any better, as the adult you don't have it easy." The child here of course refers to LBH, and the adult is SQQ, who's complaining about smoothing over LBH's messes. But what is SQQ implying here?

Doesn't know any better? That's what you say about a toddler who can't think for themselves, not a grown man. LBH is 25 and SQQ thinks he doesn't know better. Doesn't know better about what? LBH's wants, his needs? His feelings? Or even what's good for him?

And then you realize that's exactly how SQQ's always treated him, like a helpless child who can't make his own choices.

It's SQQ who chooses to throw LBH down into the Abyss without trying to talk to him. It's SQQ who decides that keeping silent is the best choice. It's SQQ who believes self-destructing in front of LBH will help, who thinks that breaking off their relationship is for the better. And it's SQQ who scolds LBH into tolerating CQMS, even though they hate each other and CQMS is hostile towards him. Who forces him to leave first at Zhao Hua Temple despite LBH's pleas otherwise, who shoos him out the window when CQMS walks in on them.

Every single one of these decisions, SQQ made believing it was for the best (repair LBH's relationship with his family, help him avoid arrest, not wanting to make excuses, wanting LBH to be free of his hatred), and every single one of them only damaged LBH further. Because SQQ's never listened to him, even once. Never consulted him or considered his feelings.

(And LBH did try to bring up his feelings on one of the matters in ch 75. He insinuates to SQQ that he doesn't like LQG calling him "little beast" or "ingrate." And SQQ's response is to dismiss them entirely, saying that LQG's "not wrong.")

SQQ has always loved LBH, but he's never once respected LBH's agency or personhood. Because LBH doesn't know better and SQQ does, so SQQ must make all his decisions for him.

And this, amplified by Xin Mo, is what finally drives LBH mad in ch 79.

To LBH, the important part isn't whether SQQ loves him, which I think he knew after ch 43 (it's why he can be so daring and pushy with SQQ's boundaries). What's important is that the moment SQQ believes abandoning LBH is justified for whatever reason again, SQQ absolutely will.

Ch 80's two-way noncon (since LBH was basically unconscious and couldn't consent) tends to draw most of the attention, but I actually think that what happens afterwards is one of the most important scenes for Bingqiu. There SQQ tries to sacrifice himself a second time for LBH, drawing Xin Mo's demonic qi into his body. Yet the novel claims that SQQ's actions here are completely different than in ch 43. SQQ himself says that this time he's doing it for LBH, while last time he was doing it for himself. But can the reader see a functional difference?

There is one, in fact: it's SQQ's response to LBH's choice afterwards. LBH decides to follow SQQ in death, even though this would void the point of SQQ's sacrifice. But instead of insisting otherwise, SQQ just accepts it. Because he finally understands that whether LBH's life is worth living, whether LBH will be better off, is for LBH and only LBH to decide.

It's the first time he respects LBH's agency. And this is the only reason why he and LBH can finally begin building a healthy relationship on the mess they've had up to now.

So that's what I see as the true beauty behind Bingqiu. It's about communication and mistaken assumptions, yes, but it's also about the nature of love between parent and child. The romantic developments were left to the extras, I believe, because this was the main story MXTX wanted to tell with them. Their relationship as lovers only starts afterwards, hence why SV ends with, "the story between you and I, has only just begun." It was never meant to be a whirlwind romance where they fall in love cleanly. It might not to be to everyone's tastes, but an incredible amount of thought was put into the narrative, and that's what amazed me when I first finished this novel.

(This post went on way too long and I ended up cutting off a huge chunk of tangential stuff and how SQQ came to his realization in ch 79: he didn't do it alone. It took him seeing the LBH in TLJ and the himself in YQY for him to understand. In fact, YQY and og!SQQ's relationship has a similar parent-and-child dynamic. I've touched on it before on twitter; if there's interest I might try writing that up here too.)

[goosegoblin]

Jess how the hell did u get a degree with ADHD, I'm dying (this is a little bit asking for advice but also a little bit just me feeling sorry for myself, do not stress over replying! Thanks for being a generally cool gal and writing so much about adhd in general)

I’m publishing this rather than private replying because I imagine others might have good advice- if you want me to delete it and send you the text privately, please just let me know <3

So! I hated uni! Like I really did not enjoy the vast majority of it! Granted, my ADHD was only recognised and treated in my final year- and I spent a good portion of that struggling badly with my emetophobia- but I didn’t really handle my MSc well either lmao, so I think it’s safe to say I’m the problem. I got fairly good grades and my qualifications, though, so I guess it worked out? My point is that I don’t feel I handled my ADHD well in the slightest, so I apologise that I can’t be more useful!

Still, some general advice I do have is:

- are you medicated/ in treatment? if not, make that a priority in whatever way you can

- reach out to your uni’s disability department or whatever the equivalent is and ask for an assessment to see what type of help is available to you. I got extra time on exams which wasn’t helpful in itself, but it meant that I was no longer subject to the whole ‘you cannot leave in the last thirty minutes’ rule which had previously caused me a great deal of stress. Additionally, I got to take the exam in a smaller side room that was much more casual, and I focused way better in there.

- try and do coursework/ studying in the library wherever possible. You are not a person who can work on coursework at home. I know that you will think ‘oh, but at home I can be comfy and relax, and I have my favourite playlists, and all my notes are there’- this is all true, but you are not a person who can work at home. You need the change of environment that working somewhere else forces on you to persuade your brain it is, in fact, Working Time

- don’t be afraid to ask for mitigating circumstances. I got them for both dissertations and it is the only reason I was able to hand anything in at all lmao. You will not believe how many students get them for mental health reasons- your course leaders will be super, super used to it.

- try and keep to a routine where you can? leave the house daily (hard right now, I know), eat the correct amount of Food in a day, drink water, exercise, socialise, etc. i know you know all this stuff but i feel obliged to say it anyway

- sometimes you will hear a voice saying ‘i can skip today’s lecture because it’s recorded/ i can catch up later’. that is the devil talking. you will never ‘catch up later’ and if it’s recorded on panopto or similar, you will never watch it. do not let the devil in.

- i made flashcards often using various apps (anki is popular; i used studyblue but these days they make it Very Clear they would like you to pay money for the full version) and i found them super helpful. sitting down to study is a Whole Thing, but going through flashcards while on the toilet or walking somewhere is way, way easier.

- no, you don’t need to buy another notebook.

- comparison is the thief of joy! yes, there will be people on your course who know the material inside out and backwards and talk about how they only spent nine hours in the library yesterday. who cares! that’s their life; you are living yours. also here is a secret: nobody who says they spent nine hours in the library actually did work for the entire nine hours. i promise you this.

- no, you do not need to buy more gel pens

- bring a fidget toy or similar to lectures if you can. i warned one of my lecturers in advance that i would be using it and i wish i’d done that more often bc that lady was cool as hell and it was v helpful

- i can only imagine how much rougher online learning must be making all of this. i am positive people have made good resources on how to deal with it, but just so you know, i know a lot of ADHD ppl really struggling with it. i don’t say this to freak you out, but more to let you know if you feel the same way, it is not your fault and you are not alone

i don’t know your course, but if it’s one where you can reasonably just opt to not learn certain things, that... is not always the worst idea. like, the way my final year exams worked is that we got given a series of essay questions and we picked 3 to write responses to. this meant there were entire areas of the course i could simply opt out of. obviously this is not the ideal way to do things, but if you’re running out of time and this one area of the course is just making you fuckin suicidal to think about, then deciding to just rule it out can work.

(shoutout to my first year biochem course when not a single person picked the microbiology question and our course leader posted a pissy forum message about it god bless)

anyway this is long and probably not helpful, but i love you and i am sorry you are struggling. i struggled too! people who say uni was the best time of their life are generally not dealing with the type of thing we deal with, and that’s okay. it’s okay for uni to not be the best time of your life. it’s okay to struggle. it doesn’t mean you can’t do well or that you don’t deserve to be there. hang in there, my friend, and message me any time- i am always happy to listen or help in any way i can xxxxxx

[fiercynn]

you know, i really was going to stop responding to rbs on this post, but this part pissed me off:

However this doesn't change the fact that not voting makes the situation materially worse for absolutely everyone, Palestinians included.

how dare you think you know better than the vast majority of palestinians on what is "materially worse" for them? not to mention all the marginalized folks you lump into "absolutely everyone"? you realize that the uncommitted movement is led by palestinian americans, arab americans, muslim americans, and black americans, right? to take that and assume you still know what's best for palestine, to the degree that you strongly imply in your tags that this movement is a conspiracy, is honestly abhorrent.

your tags about being "allies" (right after you accuse us of being part of a conspiracy? lol) also indicates that you have decided to ignore the actual points in my post. notice how i didn't tell anyone how to vote or not vote. i literally just said that you should stop lecturing people who are already suffering who say we aren't going to vote for biden. not lecturing us is the bare minimum for "allyship" and you have heartily failed at that. who do you think is going to trust you in your other activism if you've demonstrated you can't even listen to our perspectives without condescending to us??? that you care more about lecturing us to vote than fighting with us against the powers that are responsible for oppressing and killing us?????

also. if voting is political power, then so is not voting. i know this is a tough concept for a lot of people who have been sold on the idea that it is inherently useless to not vote as a political statement (which, tbh, i was for a long time too). i've talked about this more in another post about how voting is not harm reduction, but i'll repeat it here.

the usual arguments for why it's useless to vote are that, in the absence of pairing your refusal to vote with other action, it's not clear why you are not voting, so people could read it as apathy or disenfranchisement. but the same thing is true for voting.

when you're voting for a candidate, you might be supporting them for any of the issues that they are campaigning on, or you might only support their stance on one but care about that enough for it to beat out all the issues you disagree with them on. or you might not support their stances at all but you might hate their opponent. or you might not care about their stances but you always vote the party line. or some other reason! in the absence of making clear to them in other ways what issues you care about, simply voting is not a clear statement at all of what action you want them to take.

so voting and not voting can, in fact, be equally powerful statements if they are paired with other action that makes your reasoning clear – or they can be equally murky statements if you don't. this is something political scientists know and talk about. the (very not radical) professor for my intro to american political systems class in (my very mainstream lib) college used to argue passionately that voting was a waste of time for the average american because they don't have the time, resources, or capacity to ensure that their vote actually goes towards the change they want to see.

i'm not going to repeat all the super important things that @bugghutt & @notchainedtotrauma have said because they made their points better than i could, but yeah i think it's safe to say you've failed at "allyship" lol

okay, if you have ever made or reblogged a “hold your nose and vote for biden” post, this is for you.

here’s the fucking thing about these kinds of posts. i've been seeing them since i first returned to tumblr in, I think, late 2022? they've certainly increased in frequency since october 7, but they were there before too, ready to counter any kind of opposition to biden that has cropped up. many of them are not just trying to educate people about what positive things biden has done, which, like, at least I can understand the motivation behind those ones? but so many of them are directly in response to people criticizing biden, and their only real point is “sure you’re upset at this thing biden did, but have you considered the election?” starting YEARS before the next presidential election, mind you.

and october 7 only made that clearer. i don’t think it had been a week before i saw these posts cropping up. can you not see how fucking ghoulish that is? to look at the rightful pain and anger of those whose relatives and communities are being slaughtered with active american support, to respond to one of the few pieces of agency most americans have in influencing what their governments do – their vote – by saying “yes but trump would be worse.” as if the primary people you’re lecturing – palestinians, muslims, arabs, black people, indigenous people, disabled people, other marginalized people – don’t remember exactly how bad it was under trump!

and even if you think not voting is an empty gesture – something i, who studied political science at a mainstream american lib college, who has worked as a field organizer on a previous democratic presidential campaign and for several policy campaigns, who currently works in public policy in america, used to believe, but have absolutely changed my mind on – what is in no way an empty gesture is saying publicly that you will not vote for someone. the arguments people usually have about why simply not voting is bad are that you can’t tell why someone is not voting, so it is as likely to be apathy or disenfranchisement as it is a political statement. but saying publicly that you will not vote for someone, and why you will not vote for them, absolutely is a political statement, and potentially a powerful one! but you choose to negate and/or ignore that by trotting out the “lesser of two evils” bullshit.

and then there’s the whole “yes but people will DIE under trump”. PEOPLE ARE DYING NOW. even if you’re fucking racist and have decided that palestinian lives don’t count, have you forgotten biden’s ongoing covid minimalism and dismantling of the CDC’s covid research and prevention infrastructure? have you forgotten his increase in spending for law enforcement scant years after the murder of george floyd? have you forgotten his recent ramp-up in deportations of undocumented immigrants, including the active continuation of many trump-era policies?

maybe you have forgotten all those things and do purport to care about palestinians, but you just think that biden is doing his best to influence netanyahu and is getting nowhere! but then you must have forgotten all of the things that biden and his administration themselves have done to further this fucking genocide, including:

continuing to send arms to israel

putting together a military task force within days of yemen’s red sea blockade and attacking yemeni ships

bombing yemen

bombing syria

bombing iraq

vetoing three ceasefire resolutions at the united nations

testifying to defend israel and its genocide and occupation at the international court of justice

refusing to rescue palestinian-americans stuck in gaza

halting funding to the united nations relief and works agency for palestinian refugees (UNRWA) based on israeli claims that 12 of UNRWA’s over 30,000 staff were hamas agents, even though u.s. intelligence has not been able to independently verify this

lying that he’s personally seen photos of babies beheaded by hamas when he hadn’t because they didn’t exist (and even when his own staff cautioned him that reports of beheaded babies may not be credible)

questioning the number of palestinian deaths reported by the gaza ministry of health (when even israel has not questioned them, since they are in fact proud of those numbers)

perpetuating lies about hamas having committed the attack on al-aqsa hospital

questioning united nations reports of adults and children raped by israeli soldiers while claiming to have proof (that no one else has seen) of hamas doing the same

honestly so many more things that i can’t remember them all but others feel free to add

or maybe you haven’t forgotten any of that, and think that you’re still justified in lecturing people about why they should vote for biden, because you genuinely believe trump would still be worse. if that is the case, you have still failed to see that by saying you will vote for biden no matter what, you are part of the problem of biden continuing to act like this. because biden is counting on fear of trump to win him this next election no matter what else he does. despite his appalling polling numbers, despite the knowledge that he is losing the palestinian-american vote, the arab-american vote, the muslim-american vote, the black american vote, the youth vote – despite all of that, he is secure in the idea that he will still win because he is better than trump. can you not see how that allows him to act without impunity? how it becomes increasingly impossible for his base to influence what he’s doing if he thinks that they will be with him no matter what? this is how you make yourself cabsomplicit to biden’s actions, by not affording anyone even the slightest power to hold him accountable for anything.

and in most cases, the “hold your nose and vote for biden” thing is the response of people who aren’t even being instructed by others not to vote for biden. it is their response to people saying they themselves are choosing not to vote for biden. fucking ghoulish.

[silentauroriamthereal]

Author interview tag

I was tagged by @therealsaintscully! Thanks, you! :)

Name: SilentAuror

Fandoms: Just Sherlock, though I also follow some Old Guard blogs. :)

Where you post: AO3. Though I was almost knocked over the other day when I got a comment on an old HP fic over on skyehawke.com! It’s been literal YEARS since I got a review on anything over there! :P 

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Against the Rest of the World for sure. :)

Favourite story you’ve written so far: With 87 posted fics and 2 more currently on the go, I can’t possibly answer that. That’s cruel. Lol. 

Fic you were nervous to post: This, on the other hand, is easy, haha! Three stories, all for very different reasons: 

1. The A.G.R.A Complex. This was my first Freebatch fic and I thought I might well be burnt at the stake for even writing any RPF. The notion for this story caught my muses’ attention, though, and they eventually forced me to write it against my will. I can’t be held responsible. Lol. It still amazes me that people continue to read it to this day. The notion: Martin and Benedict are friends. There’s a car accident and Martin suffers a fairly mild brain injury. While in his coma, dreams the entire first three seasons of Sherlock, which in this universe, haven’t happened. The nature of the brain injury is such that he keeps shifting mentally between the reality of who he and Benedict (and Amanda) are, and seeing himself and everyone else as their characters in the Sherlock universe. When I posted it, I intended it to be left up to the reader whether to see it as kind of an AU to actual reality, or else a prequel to the filming of Sherlock. When I finally decided to write a sequel, it meant that I had to be the one to make that clear, which made it a prequel. It became a three-part series, with the second part set during and just after the filming of series 3 (the dodgiest in the moral sense, since it dances around and into real life events), and then the third story takes place ten years later. 

2. The Final Proof. Why? Easy. Major character death, and it’s Sherlock. That’s clear from about the first sentence, I think. I had written At the Heart of it All, which features Sherlock running an experiment using the hearts of people who lived lives where they had loved and been loved, and people who hadn’t in an effort to prove his own ability to love to John. He says something at the end of that story about wishing he could see his own heart at the end of their life to see which of the hearts his own resembled by then. And then my muses, my terrible, terrible muses said, “hey... you could write that: you know: Sherlock at the very end of his life, making John promise to look at his heart after he’s died, and complete his experiment.” I, like, teared up just at the thought, and honestly, I cried for most of the writing of that story. I’m assured that about 99% of the people who have read it have also cried throughout, so... sorry. Yeah. 

3. Scars. Why? Easy, again: the entire story is riddled with gaslighting and other types of emotional abuse and mind-fuckery, and an actual rape scene. It was painful to the point of being interally corrosive to write, but I still felt it was a story I needed to tell. I did my homework on this one, consulted multiple therapists who work specifically in the field of men who have been absued (emotionally, physically, sexually) by female partners. I thought no one would read it. I thought I might lose half my followers on tumblr. But I still wrote it. It still amazes me that people read it, even more when they actually like it, and still like me after. Lol. 

How you choose your titles: Hmm... each title genesis is different, I would say! Sometimes it’s a general theme of the story, sometimes it’s a specific concept or single word, occasionally (but not often) it’s a song title. Sometimes it’s another language, particularly Latin. In The A.G.R.A Complex, the title of the story is also the name that the neurologists given to the brain injury Martin experiences. Vena Cava is titled for the name of the vein that Mary’s bullet punctured in Sherlock’s heart, based on a medical analysis I had read. Scars takes its theme from both Sherlock’s external scars from what he went through during his time away, and John’s internal scars from Mary’s emotional abuse. I also have a whole series of (unrelated) flower-themed stories: The Green Carnations comes from ACD era coding for homosexuality. The Yellow Poppies is the story I wrote after the deleted scene about Magnussen’s hospital visit came out, which features both he and Mary as dual villains, and yellow poppies placed in Sherlock’s room as a threat from one or the other of them. The White Lotuses has a leitmotif of Hinduism and slow-blooming self-awareness and romance. The Red Roses is a Molly POV where she helps Sherlock and John get together in spite of her own feelings, and The Wisteria Tree is an amnesia story that has Sherlock forget the past six years of his life, including the five years that he’s been married to John, and how they find their way back together in spite of that. Rosa Felicia - bonus, both a flower name AND Latin, lol! - is a coming-of-age story about Rosie at the age of 19. Where My Demons Hide is a mid-series 4 story that I wrote after The Lying Detective aired, but before The Final Problem did, and is the title of an Imagine Dragons song. Pater Noster is Latin for the title of the Lord’s Prayer in Latin, but also quite literally just means “our father”, and is a story that centres around the events surrounding the death (murder) of John and Harry’s father. You get the gist. 

Do you outline: I always say that one should know how a story begins, how it ends, and at least a few of the major points between those two events. So yes, but loosely. I think that over-plotting kills creativity. It’s not an essay. But even essays need space to grow. 

Complete: 105 stories back in my skyehawke days, the vast majority of which are HP, totalling in about 1.5 million words. 87 stories in the Sherlock fandom (though those include my 4 Freebatch fics), totalling in over 2.3 million words now. 

In progress: I have two stories currently pending: a Christmas story called The Secret of Hazel Grange, and a trauma-based, co-sleeping fic called Nocturne.

Coming soon/not yet started: I never comment about fics I haven’t yet started. Might curse the entire process, lol. 

Do you accept prompts: No, alas. Neither prompts nor commissions. While I’m constantly desperately poor, it takes something out of the writing process for me once it becomes a job. I just feel like that’s not what fanfic is about for me. No judgement to anyone else who does write for commissions, whatsoever - we all have our own process! For me, I’m happy (make that incredibly grateful!) to have donations or supporters through my Patreon (eep: x), but writing to order just doesn’t quite jive for me. I also don’t take prompts, not because I don’t want them, but because I have such a huge backlog of my own ideas that I’ll never get to as it is. There will never be enough time to write all the fics I want to write! That said, don’t think that you can’t still suggest your ideas. My “official policy” (lol) is that I don’t take prompts (for the aforementioned backlog reason), but that doesn’t mean that if you do send me one, my muses won’t seize upon it and force me to write it. You never know. I certainly don’t, at least. :P 

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: I’m super excited by the notion of actually getting my Christmas fic finished by Christmas. Lol. Here’s hoping!! 

Tagging: Anyone who reads this and is a writer, or thinking about becoming one. You’ve been tagged! 

[missnight0wl]

If you have any problems with me being Rakepick’s fan, me being overly passionate and invested in her character, my analyses and theories about Rakepick or whatever, I have two things to say to you:

If it really bothers you so much that you feel the need to share it with someone, why don’t you come to me? The anonymous messages are on on my blog, at least for now. What’s the deal with people talking about problems they apparently have with me with someone else? And I’m not even talking about the recent reblog. Do you think that I won’t see the messages on other blogs and recognise that it’s about me? Do you think that somebody else can explain my ideas better than I can? If you have problems with my theories or you just want to call them pointless or “reaching”, write to me. Are you worried that I’ll respond with arguments you can’t argue with? Are you afraid I’ll insult you? I never claimed to be the nicest person, but I think I’m not that bad. Sure, I swear a lot, but in the vast majority, it’s aimed at Jam City and their stupid writing decisions. So, what’s the deal with that?

If the things I write make you uncomfortable, bother you, you feel attacked, or you simply dislike the ideas I write about, especially when it comes to Rakepick – please, unfollow or block me. I mean it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if you don’t like Rakepick you can’t follow me. If you don’t like her, but still find something on my blog you enjoy… I’m kind of surprised, to be honest, but that’s also great. Otherwise, I just don’t see why you shouldn’t remove me from your Tumblr experience. Seriously, I never had the desire to be popular in this fandom or even liked. I’m not saying that I actively want to be disliked, but I’m here just to put my ideas into the world (and because it’s easier to control than Reddit). If someone likes them – fantastic! If not, I don’t need you to see them. I don’t want you to see them if they annoy you.

Also, I apparently insult people who don’t like Rakepick. Now, I never called anyone “stupid” simply because they don’t like her. I never will because that’s not what I think. In fact, I don’t recall ever calling anyone that word in specific, but maybe I’m forgetting something. Either way, the only times when I spoke negatively about people being against Rakepick referred always to situations where they comment on my long-ass analysis and/or theories, totally ignoring what I discussed in the said posts. For example, people talking about Umbridge having a Patronus under my analysis of Rakepick’s symbolism. Situations like that take place because of two possible reasons:

People comment on my posts WITHOUT even reading them. If that’s the case... it’s actually plain stupid. Seriously, I’m not even sorry, it just is. Also, don’t do it, please. Like, EVER. No matter if it’s my post, someone else’s post, if it’s about HPHM, other game, book, movie, politics, science… Just don’t comment on something you didn’t actually read. Even if you think you’re familiar with the topic, if there’s a longer text, there may be some information you didn’t know. If you didn’t put time and effort into familiarizing with something someone else has to say, it’s pretty rude to expect that they’ll waste their time on reading your comment and possibly explaining to you something they already explained.

People did read my post but TOTALLY missed the point. In that case, I’m a bit sorry, but… I also can’t think of you too highly... Again, I’m talking about very specific situations! Like, I’m aware that perhaps I’m not always super clear about everything, but if you talk about Umbridge to debunk my theory after I explained in 800+ words (with quotations to the outside sources) why it’s important that Rakepick’s Patronus is a lioness… Either you have serious problems with reading comprehension or you just weren’t paying attention at all. If it’s the latter, you kind of wasted your time, and now you’re wasting mine.

Now, I don’t want to say that I’m always right in my theories about Rakepick, but here’s another thing: until this day, no one was able to really debunk them. Like, with proper argumentation. I never had anyone come to me and say: “All right, but you’re forgetting about [this and that] which suggests [this and that], and that contradicts your assumption”. Nobody ever said: “The way I understand [this and that] is different. I think it means [this and that] which proves [this and that]”. All people have is: “Rakepick is evil because she tortured Merula and killed Rowan”. But if you come to me with those arguments, I’ll show you other essays I wrote to prove that it’s just not true. Such things happen in the stories, y’know, especially the ones intended to be mysteries stories. And surprisingly, nobody could properly debunk those essays either! But you know what? I’d love to have a discussion like that. I’d love someone to finally explain to me how this story can work WITH Rakepick being evil and WITHOUT leaving dozens of serious plot holes. Believe me, I really tried to make it work, and I failed each time. Things simply… don’t add up. And my main point is that they CAN add up! And I did it: I joined many dots from the very beginning of the game in this analysis: Why Rakepick didn’t appear before Y4? HPHM explained. So, if I’m showing you that 2 + 2 is 4, why you insist that it’s 5 when your only argument is that Jam City is bad at maths?

And if we got to Jam City’s bad writing already… If you think that Rakepick is gonna be truly evil because the writers just don’t know what they’re doing anymore – that’s fine. I mean, I don’t exactly agree with that. I believe that they’ll follow the original plans for the story, they’ll just do a shitty job at explaining things, but that’s a topic for a separate conversation. Still, I’d like you to understand that there’s a difference between saying:

“You’re wrong. 2 + 2 is 5 because JC is bad at maths.”

and

“I see what you’re saying, and you’re right that according to that 2 + 2 is 4, but I think JC is gonna say it’s 5 because they’re bad at maths.”

Do you see it? 

Now, I don’t want to complain here, but... I write long analyses on HPHM for my own pleasure, and it is satisfying for me. However, it doesn’t change the fact that it takes some time and work, so when people actively dismiss it, it feels a bit rude. And if you actually think I’m wrong in saying that 2 + 2 is 4, then explain to me why you think so. Or if you have doubts about my reasoning, send me an ask. I think it happened just once that I got a question like: “Hey, I don’t get one thing about your theory. Could you explain it?”. I’m not talking here about discussions I have with people in reblogs or comments, though those are also brilliant, and I appreciate them. Sometimes people ask about their ideas inspired by my theories. Either way, I have to say – it’s a great feeling to get responses like that. Because it shows that people not only read my posts but that they make them think. And as I said, I might not always explain everything the most clearly despite my efforts. But then just ask me.

That’s pretty much all I wanted to say, I guess. So yeah. If you actually can explain to me why you don’t agree with my views on Rakepick, my inbox is open. It can take me a while to respond because there’s kind of a revolution in my country right now, and y’know, the world is basically burning in general, so my mind might be elsewhere. But I’ll get to it eventually.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

STFU about ‘Not all men’

Master Post

I think the first time I became away of this godforsaken Culture War was in 2014. I’ve lost the post and can’t find it now but it was essentially saying comic book fans harass female cosplayers.

I basically said it’s not fair to put all the bad eggs in one basket and this argument went back and forth.

At the time the whole ‘Not all Men’/’How dare you say not all men’ thing was relatively new.

Years later someone asserted that as much as people are fond of the ‘Not all men’ phrase there is another common phrase: a few bad apples ruin the bunch

Let me spell this out clearly.

The backlash against ‘Not All Men’ as a counterpoint is not a justifiable position.

A few bad apples ruin the whole bunch is not a justifiable position.

But why?

Well, let’s take the latter statement first.

A few bad apples ruin the whole bunch sounds an awful lot like ‘if there are 3 poisoned skittles would you take a handful’

Imagine seriously if we made this argument regarding other groups?

Pregnant women knowingly trick men into looking after kids that aren’t their own.

Muslims are terrorists.

It’s ridiculous isn’t it.

Because of course NOT ALL pregnant women are like that.

Of course NOT ALL Muslim people are like that.

And yet here we come to the second point.

It’s bad if you say ‘not all men’.

Herein we get to the problems of language and just common goddam sense.

For starters, everything hinges upon what original statement ‘not all men’ was in response to in the first place.

Let’s use deliberately hyperbolic examples to make the points as clear as possible.

‘Men have deliberately looked at naked women on the internet’

And

‘Men are rapists’

This is then followed by the statements:

‘Not all men have deliberately looked at naked women on the internet’

And

‘Not all men are rapists’

At which point the responders take umbrage.

But hold on a minute. Both statements are factually accurate. It’s true that not 100% of men do either of the things listed above.

Ah, but here we get into the quagmire of ‘intent’.

The original posters would argue the ‘intent’ of the ‘Not all men’ responders’ was to derail the conversation (presuming of course it was ever supposed to be a conversation, often it’s just inflammatory statements to be an asshole). More importantly, their intent was to eschew responsibility and guilt for the original statement; which is normally an explicit or implicit accusation.

The ‘Not all men’ responders though would argue that the intent of the OPs was a blanket attack on men.

To which the OPs counter argue that it was not their intent. It was simply common sense and implicitly understood that obviously  they were not talking about 100% of all males.

There is a lot to unpack here.

For starters, either side might be behaving disingenuously.

More importantly there is no accounting for the ‘Not all men’ responders who simply want to set the record straight, the people who might have OCDs or some other mental situation wherein they take issue with inaccuracies. Or indeed where they personally do not believe or understand that most people speak with implicit intent behind their words. I.e. when they see ‘Men have’ or ‘Men are’ they genuinely believe the OPs are saying ALL men.

However, the most significant problem with this stems from what the actual implicit intent of the OPs were. Because it may well have not been intended as ALL men...but it is extremely unlikely that it didn’t mean MOST men.

If they didn’t mean all or MOST men then they would have thrown in a qualifying phrase to that end.

‘Most men have…’

‘Many men are…’

‘There are men who…’

That’s just how the English language works and it’s an extremely rudimentary concept to grasp the vast majority of adults who live in English speaking countries know it.

Of course, there are some who don’t for various reasons (perhaps mental issues). But the difference is that there are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar fewer people like that than those who might not grasp ‘Men are/have…’ isn’t intended to mean 100% of all males.

This then brings us to the fundamental problem of treating ‘not all men’ as a ‘problematic’ response on mere principle.

As we’ve established at the bare minimum statements like the OPs above are almost certainly about MOST men.

What is most men anyway?

Simply put, it means the majority.

Well what is the majority?

Simple, over 50%

Well, implicitly stating that over 50% have at some point deliberately looked at naked women online isn’t that problematic of a statement. There is a debate to be had about the morality of pornography I suppose but that’s not really the point I’m getting at.

But even implicitly, claiming that over 50% of men are rapists is an immense accusation to level. It’s such an serious statement you had better  have very, very, vary hard verifiable proof of that. It is something that needs to be functionally beyond any and all doubt.

And yet the OPs who make such statements don’t have that proof. They can’t even be bothered to throw in a qualifying phrase to make it crystal clear they are not damning just every male on principle. It’d be simple and hardly time consuming to do that and yet they do not. This I think hints at the bad faith that these people are coming from in the first place.

Of course, this doesn’t just apply to stuff like rape or porn. It could be any number of statements, I jut used those as examples.

Blanket statements, especially when they are accusations, are at best annoying which can lead to frustration and resentment. At worst they are outright dangerous and simply unethical.

Don’t do it.

DON’T accuse the majority of men who read comic books as harassing female cosplayers just because you have at best anecdotal experience.

DON’T do that when you can’t even verify for certain the harassers were definitely comic book fans in the first place as ALL KINDS of people attend cons, even super hero cons.

DON’T ever take umbrage with the ‘not all men’ counter argument on principle ever again.

Use nuance. Treat every situation on it’s own individual merits. Understand the power of words and how useful a goddam qualifying phrase can be!

Master Post

[comicbookuniversity]

Lessons for the MonsterVerse

by Bunnypwn Gold

I have always been a big fan of Godzilla. I’ve been watching the movies since I was a kid. Now that they’re making new movies again, there’s a lot to be excited about and look forward to. Recently, I re-watched the newest one from the American MonsterVerse, Godzilla: King of the Monsters, as well as the last film from the Millennium era, Godzilla: Final Wars. Both films are big, ambitious, and include some major flaws, one of which they have in common, or at least they have flaws with overlap. While the MonsterVerse, so far, is great and is on track to continue that trend, Final Wars suffered greatest from this shared flaw, and so I am here to set out what the MonsterVerse needs to do to avoid self-destruction: take itself seriously.

Briefly, I want to provide a review and synopsis of King of the Monsters. So spoilers, it’s really good. Five years after Godzilla made landfall in San Francisco and fought against the parasitic MUTOs, Monarch is struggling to figure out what it wants to do with the Titans, as the monsters are now known, while the government and military are pressuring Monarch to kill them all. At the same time, one of their own scientists, Emma Russell, betrays them to assist ecoterrorist Alan Jonah in awakening the Titans with a bioacoustics device called the ORCA so that the Titans can spur regrowth in the environment and undo anthropogenic climate change. They revive Ghidorah in Antarctica, who then awakens all the other Titans still sleeping around the world at once, thus precipitating a conflict with Monarch and Godzilla for the crown. The film sets out to cover a lot of narrative ground while introducing several important elements to the series, and all the while it held together some solid character work for its main cast. Based on the new, expansive mythos that this film lays out—with the many new Titans and the abandoned Hollow Earth society discovered in vast underground caverns which used to live in harmony with the Titans—it looks like things will only get more exciting, and the future of the MonsterVerse is set out effectively and in grand style.

Godzilla: Final Wars is also about a large amount of monsters fighting for control of the Earth, feature monsters trapped in Antarctic ice, and ends with Godzilla fighting Ghidorah, but that’s where the similarities end. Final Wars was released in 2004 as the commemorative 50th anniversary film for the franchise. In it, the Earth has been defended from monsters for decades by the Earth Defense Force, who managed to trap Godzilla in ice in Antarctica years prior. All the other monsters around the world attack at once in the present, and the EDF was unable to keep up until the Xiliens arrived from space, removing the monsters and promising to make a peaceful alliance with humanity. In reality, the Xiliens were invading the Earth in order to herd humans like cattle because they need to eat human mitochondria to survive, and they were secretly controlling the monsters. So the heroes free Godzilla so he can help them fight the aliens and their army of brainwashed monsters. The plot also involved mutant humans and a fake rogue planet that was also somehow an actual asteroid that Godzilla later blows up. It’s a mess of a movie. That aside, it’s clear the film is trying to borrow elements from the three previous eras of Godzilla movies. It took an edgier look from the majority of the Millennium movies (from 1999-2004). The use of serious, formidable super vehicles is like the various super planes from the Heisei era films (1984-1995). However, the element borrowed from the Showa era films (1954-1975) is where it falters: campiness. The difference in this film compared to the Showa films being that they purposefully made Final Wars campy, despite the opportunity they had and despite the tone of the Showa era movies.

The original film, Gojira, is a very serious and tonally heavy film depicting the horrors of the modern era, with rapid industrialization in post-war Japan, the advent of the Cold War arms race, and the reason for that arms race, nuclear weapons, with the one man capable of killing Godzilla horrified by the devastation such an ability would grant. This movie and its first sequel were the only Godzilla films made in black and white, which impacts the way they look and how their special effects come across. After a several year hiatus, Godzilla returned to the screen to fight King Kong, this time in color. Seeing those monster suits and the limited special effects capabilities in 1960 of a B-list sci-fi flick in color really emphasizes how phony it all looked at the time. Throughout the Showa era, Godzilla shifted from an entirely villainous character to an erstwhile hero, and though the movies never stopped being presented as dramatic, they were made with an acknowledgement of how they look despite the drama and seriousness the creators otherwise wanted them to have.

Over time, of course, special effects improved. Starting with the Heisei era of films, Toho was able to produce much better suits and visual effects, and so they resumed making their movies with the kind of drama and seriousness that they had wanted all along. The Millennium era began in response to the 1998 American Godzilla, which depicted the titular monster with CGI, in contrast to the Toho tradition of using suits. The Millennium era was the last hurrah to suitmation effects, and these films, overall, looked great, probably the best that a giant monster movie can look with people in suits. Accordingly, they also hold up the more dramatic tone of the Heisei era while allowing each creative team the freedom to make the standalone Godzilla movie they wanted to make. The exception to this is Final Wars, which, as previously said, was not serious at all. Despite the successes of making serious, dramatic monster movies since 1984 and the ambitions of the Showa era’s large and imaginative canon, Final Wars decided to celebrate five decades of filmmaking by using cheesy comedy, camera work that screams “we had to edit heavily to make our actors look like action stars,” and what may very well be the least convincing acting of the entire series. The only person on set who seemed to understand any of this is alien commander X, who looked like he was being goofy on purpose, instead of on accident like the rest of the cast. Final Wars had the same opportunity as the rest of the Millennium era had to present a serious, dramatic battle for the fate of the Earth, and wasted it with aliens that seem completely unqualified to invade another planet and cramming most of their monsters into throwaway fights with Godzilla that lasted on average less than a minute.

This purposeful camp and goofiness of Final Wars is presumably meant to provide a lightness and humor to the film. This is where it overlaps with King of the Monsters, which ventured into the modern era of ironic, self-aware humor to provide levity. Borrowing from the MCU, King of the Monsters cracks wise during dramatic moments relatively often, in an attempt to lighten them up. Unfortunately, the jokes they go with are the weakest material in the film, and they do more to undermine the dramatic tension than enhance the film or provide levity. It’s like the scene in Thor: Ragnarok when Korg says they can rebuild Asgard, and then it blows up more, so never mind; or Hawkeye explaining how ridiculous his fighting robots with a bow and arrow is to Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron. Maybe those are funny jokes, but they do more to undermine the dramatic tension than they add in humor, and both have the capacity to turn parts of the audience off by poking holes in the premise. It’s rather insecure and shows a lack of confidence in the work to stand on its own merits despite critics or easy jokes from the peanut gallery. This brand of humor gave us moments in King of the Monsters like Sam Coleman mishearing Ilene Chen saying “Ghidorah” as “gonorrhea.” It’s really not that funny, it wasn’t a moment that needed lightening up, and there’s no reason he would have misheard her since he was standing within ten feet. It ultimately undermines a moment in the film for an Asian woman to demonstrate her expertise by locating vital information about the threat at hand. But yes, Sam, I guess monsters sometimes have slightly silly-sounding names, like Ghidorah, which is based on the Japanese pronunciation of hydra, a very popular and well-respected mythical dragon.

The 2014 Godzilla film that started the MonsterVerse was enjoyable, but didn’t quite live up to its potential. That’s part of the reason I delayed seeing Kong: Skull Island far longer than I should have. When I did see it, I was amazed. I expected it to be good, and I heard great things about it, but it was far better than anything I could have imagined it to be. It was a truly great movie. After seeing it, my hopes and expectations for the MonsterVerse skyrocketed. I don’t think these expectations have been let down yet, and I expect them to be satisfied moving forward. However, the one thing I wanted most going into King of the Monsters was for them to lean into the tone and style of Skull Island more. In certain respects, I think they did, and the ambitious mythos being built here is far more substantial than anything in the Godzilla franchise so far, which usually has stuck to “monsters keep showing up and fighting.” The dramatically absurd tone, though, was what they lost by using the ridiculousness of what’s happening to make quick, weak, sometimes self-aware jokes instead of to highlight the intensity of the drama experienced by the characters. In Skull Island, when the squad had to fly their planes through a permanent thunderstorm, Sam Jackson’s character started quoting a speech about how the righteous men will win by not backing down and so inherit the Earth. The speech makes the whole thing feel even more ridiculous than a permanent thunderstorm already is, and in doing so amps up the drama and tension. This ultimately makes the arrival of a giant gorilla, which the audience is expecting to see, much more impressive and intense. That’s what I wanted for King of the Monsters. Yes, there are ridiculous aspects to giant monster movies, but the characters are living it, not watching it and thinking, “This crazy.”

Having this more serious tone is also important in really hitting the audience with the larger thematic power of the film. In Skull Island, the way Sam Jackson didn’t want to back down from killing Kong, even after seeing that it’s pointless and even detrimental to the troop, is reminiscent of the way America is currently stuck in multiple seemingly never-ending wars. At least part of the reason people don’t want to leave Iraq and Afghanistan is because they don’t want to create another Vietnam, the war that this film centers around on purpose. Having that tension of a dedicated army colonel who was just forced to “abandon” his war amplifies the drama of the other characters wanting to understand the problems of the natives and come to a real solution to their problems, and it all works because of how it resonates in the current political climate. The Godzilla side of the MonsterVerse so far is focusing on climate change, which, while abstract for far too many, is also a very real and pressing concern for a lot of people, paralyzing at times. Seeing the dramatic steps needed to fix the problem almost makes Alan and Emma’s plan in King of the Monsters feel heroic. The film is filled with images of crumbling, flooded American cities, and Ghidorah, an alien creating imbalance in nature a la humanity thinking itself separate from nature, is literally a living hurricane. There’s a lot of strong, serious, intense potential to make such a movie really meaningful. If they had taken themselves more seriously, it would have had this level of impact. It really is sad that they squandered this potential on silly jokes and a story arc for their generic, useless white man hero, Mark Russell. Like I said at the beginning, it’s still a good movie, but I can so clearly see how much better it could have been, too.

To me, dramatic movies making fun of themselves in important scenes always comes across as insecure, like filmmakers can’t simply make their movie first, they also have to preempt the internet to protect their egos. As the MonsterVerse moves forward, my biggest piece of advice is to do what Skull Island did and take itself seriously. We live in a time when a lot of previously niche franchises and genres are getting more spotlight due to the demands of studios wanting more high-action, effects heavy movies to sell huge on the international market. As these genres, once mired in cultural neglect and seen as silly and childish, come into the limelight, they both prove they always were to be taken seriously and poke fun at themselves to prove they know they shouldn’t be. I get the appeal of ironic, self-aware humor and wanting to be silly at dramatic high points, because it can be very fun and, when used properly, be incredibly funny; look to Thor: Ragnarok for an overall great example. But besides issues of improper use, this kind of humor is arguably at saturation at this point. It’s being misused and overused to the detriment of otherwise good movies in an attempt to compete with Marvel, who remains the poster child on this. So MonsterVerse, let Marvel, Disney, and all those imitators try to outdo each other by proving they can make more fun of themselves before Honest Trailers get to them. Just have fun making movies about giant monsters with the kind of drama and seriousness only modern special effect can give them, and use the ridiculousness of it all to amp up that drama instead of undermine it. Get over people calling you a nerd and just do your thing. As they say, being cool is all about confidence. 

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

J2: body language (kissing/mouths)

So, I’ve been meaning to write this up for FAR too long in response to (well, no...inspired by) a comment from a dear friend of mine that was about a kiss between Jensen and Daneel posted on Instagram in late April.

First things first, though. I’m tagging this with the anti-wives tags, although really I’m going to do my best to stay generally positive and as objective as possible and stick to just outlining some facts (this post won’t contain a whole lot of my personal opinions is what I mean, besides the big obvious ones).

It’s also gonna be a long one...so heads up about that.

**********

Body language is such a fascinating topic, guys, it truly is, and yes we all know by now that I’m a bit obsessed with it. I admit it.

In the process of pursuing my psych. major, I studied body language + body psychotherapy pretty extensively, and it played a HUGE role in bringing me aboard ye olde J2 tinhat train.

In fact, my accidental (at first) body language observations of Jared & Jensen both together, separately, with friends/acquaintances/family/SPN-cast & crew/etc., and with their wives were singlehandedly responsible for convincing me to dig deeper into all of it in the first place.

So, basically put, the vast majority of us are well aware of body language cues, but not just the more obvious ones that we can consciously process through in our heads. We’re designed to intuitively understand/react to even the smallest of body language cues that can be as swift and subtle as a minuscule lift and lower of the eyebrows in a certain situation, although we often aren’t aware of WHY we’re experiencing the reactions we’re experiencing or even exactly WHAT we’re feeling some of the time.

So, take a thorough look at the following three pictures (really look at them, focus on the details).

Now, what you may or may not have just discovered is that the three pictures above contain so many negative body language cues that the result of examining them closely for longer than just a quick moment is a sensation of discomfort and ‘unpleasantness,’ to be kinda vague, despite there not being many blatant cues that are obvious enough to jump right out at everyone from the get-go.

But the emotional/sense-knowledge of the negative body language is much more widely accessible, especially since we’re talking a double whammy, here: the faces of all four specifically, faces being a huge part of how we all read people, and an act that’s associated with intimacy (kissing).

Let’s break down what we’re looking at, but first, here’s this picture:

It’s a textbook image used as a visual aid to depict positive facial body language specifically during a kiss.

Okay, but back to the first three pictures. That one is just a reference for compare & contrast purposes.

What’s going on in the J2 + Gen. and Dan. photos firstly is something called “tense mouth,” in all three photos actually although particularly in Jensen’s case (in both of the Jen. + Dan. pics). The pushed-together lips, the tightened jaw, these are both signs of emotional tension, anxiety/frustration, and the big one: emotional self-restraint (holding back one’s true feelings and/or thoughts). I don’t even need to explain, of course, how very very significant that is, and what’s popping into my head actually right now is the way one of my professors described this exact thing, which was a metaphor of the lips as a dam holding back the flood of truth.

Now, the pucker in and of itself.

I’m just going to toss in this screenshot which summarizes it perfectly, and that’s less writing for me :p.

And ask yourself this: outside of maybe those first few awkward teenage kisses and perhaps some from adulthood with either a brand new lover or with someone you maybe just didn’t feel super comfortable kissing, do you actually do the close-mouthed pucker with your significant other (or have you with a past S.O)? Nahh. No. Nope.

^^ excluding that “hello/goodbye” peck, of course.

The pucker is often part of “tense mouth” and holds a lot of the same meaning, but I’ll add that it can also signify indecision.

Okay, now the cheek kiss (that Jared + Gen. photo).

Cheek kisses can mean so many many different things, and I won’t overly discuss it simply because it’s less of a pattern for Jared to kiss Gen. on the cheek and more just something I’m using as an interesting example, whereas “tense mouth” absolutely is a pattern for Jensen when he’s kissing Daneel. Absolutely, 100%, undeniably so.

But the reason I chose this picture of Jared and Gen. is because it could quite literally be the textbook photo for “strictly platonic cheek kiss.” In every...single...way.

Middle of the cheek as opposed to close to the mouth or, even more indicative of sexuality/romance, the ear if you can believe it, completely puckered and pressed-together lips, and lastly, notice the angle of Jared’s neck. See that sharp lean? All that space?

I know this seems like more than any sane person could possibly have to say about three pictures *chuckles* and I’m actually having to reign myself in, which is just ridiculous, but I’ll try to wrap things up.

The following things are definitely important to consider when discussing/examining body language, so this will be a good way to conclude everything.

1. Patterns, like I mentioned above, & circumstances (whenever circumstances can be determined) are very significant for as-accurate-as-possible interpretations.

2. Negative body language between two people does not always mean that they hate or even dislike each other (it can mean that, yes, but certainly not always). I’m not stating any of my personal opinions here, either. I’m just pointing it out because the word “negative” has its connotations, but it can just as often mean that whoever is displaying the N.B.L cues is simply uncomfortable in the specific WAY they’re coexisting with another person, like for example: kissing someone they’re not sexually and/or romantically attracted to.

3. I’ve said it time and time again, and I’m saying it here too. Body language can be faked. Of course. Absolutely. And there isn’t a human being alive on this planet over the age of two who doesn’t know that to be 100% true from personal experience. However, that being said, there also isn’t a human being on this planet who’s capable of faking body language without slip-ups, and some kinds of body language really can’t be faked, for all intents and purposes anyway, mainly because we’re rarely (if ever) even aware that we’re doing it. How well we can mask our truths, the little ones and the big ones, can depend on something as seemingly small as whether or not we’re well-rested, and even under a perfect set of conditions, false body language cannot be maintained without fairly regular tells.

I obviously can’t ramble on forever, and I promised myself I’d keep this post strictly to the kisses, but I’ll have to write up a few more of these (and space ‘em out) that cover some SUPER significant J2 body language thoughts/observations/facts/etc., because seriously...when you start really seeing these things, it’s just...I don’t even know...It adds a WHOLE lot of dimension to just about everything.

Like microexpressions. That’s gonna be my next long body language post.

Here’s a great way to finish this that just hit me: remember what I said about the whole ‘mouth to ear’ thing? Well...we could create an entire tumblr just devoted to the Js constantly doing their amazing full-body-closeness, mouth right at the ear, private little laughy-lovey whispers *grins*.

Just sayin...

Edit: let me also add, because I’m realizing it might not have been clear, that I’m not making the above observations based only on these photos or only on photos in general *smiles*. I’m just using them (the particular photos in the post) as visual aids. And I don’t create posts like this lightly or without having put a lot of thought and time into what I’m writing about (usually topics I’ve been looking into and adding to bit by bit for a long while), because being accurate and thorough is very important to me when it comes to this kind of thing. Please feel free to message me with absolutely anything you’re wondering about (if you want more info on something or if you don’t understand something I said or if you have something to add...anything at all). Thanks, guys! All the love!!

[yuurivoice]

The YuuriVoice Survey Results

A few days ago I put out a survey here on Tumblr in hopes that I could dig up some helpful information in regards to what I can do to improve moving forward and keep things here fresh and on point. With over 1,100 responses I think it’s safe to say we can take a look at the data and see what we’ve got! So...let’s break it down! (Shoutout to Lucio mains!)

How long have you been following the blog?

I found this interesting because nowadays on the internet people don’t always stick with a thing for very long. Certainly there’s plenty of follower turnover on my blog, people are REALLY hype for one thing, then over time they may move on to other things for a whole variety of reasons. Having 1/4 of the responses be from those who have followed for over a year is huge. It doesn’t surprise me that less than 3 months is the smallest portion because it’s been a pretty slow three months in general for me, but that’s how it goes sometimes!

How did you first discover my content?

I’m not shocked to find that most people discover my content when searching for specific characters, given my fandom based approach. I want to dabble in some non-fandom audios more often because that’s a whole demographic (i.e. people specifically looking for audio porn) that I don’t always tap into. When I do, the results are usually really great, and you’ll see in a moment that the people who show up because of the characters don’t necessarily ONLY want that character they found me through. 

What is shocking, however, is that nearly 10% found me through YouTube. That might not seem like a lot, but I haven’t been doing the YouTube thing for long (or consistently for that matter) so I think that might help show you all why I’m putting value in getting content onto YouTube. There’s infinitely more reach on YouTube than there is on Tumblr.

Do you have a favorite character/voice of mine?

This was one that I already knew the answer to because of my own prior research, but I think it’s important that we all take a look at it here together. Guzma is the most popular voice by an impressive margin. I say impressive because I honest to god never would have expected things to play out like this. Yuuri and Sidon are also very popular, of course. Then there’s a healthy 20% that like two or more of the voices.

So you see why it’s not always easy for me to keep up. Between balancing the big three and exploring new voices and my own as well, there will naturally be less of some things. Yuuri is obviously super important to me, but there’s also significantly more content for him than all the others, even after slowing down a bit. A lot of what I do is primarily based on what is getting commissioned as well, and it’s no surprise that Guzma has been the most commissioned character due to his popularity. 

There’s not a lot else to say here other than I’m doing my best to make sure there are no Good Boys (TM) left behind, but I’m also just one man. I’m glad that there is crossover between fans of the voices as well. I haven’t got a “I hate when you post this instead of that” message in a long, long time. It’s nice that most people can at least enjoy one of the other voices aside from their fave, even if it’s not EXACTLY what they want. Y’all are real good to me in that regard.

Do you listen to non-character audios of mine?

Pretty straight forward. The vast majority of the followers are cool with checking out things regardless of whether fandom is involved or not, so long as it’s their jam in regards to content. This makes me happy and hopeful. Characters have always been a great way to get people to discover me, but I think the future is not just doing fandom stuff.

Do you prefer One Shot audios, or series?

This one is extremely clear, my current process of having some audios that are a series that ties together and most that are just one shot scenes is working just fine. I figured as much, but it never hurts to ask!

Does having my SFW content on YouTube interest you?

This was a relief, honestly. Moving older stuff to YouTube has been a process, and the earlier data showed that it does have a positive impact. In the future there will be new stuff hitting YouTube and Tumblr at the same time, but it has taken me a long time to try and get caught up so old stuff is up on YouTube and I can move on to new. It’s happening slowly, but you can at least rest easy knowing I’m not gonna crush your dashboards with spam of old audios uploaded in video form. 

Would you submit scripts/ideas if there was a system to do so?

Well what the hell am I waiting for? I’ll get to work on creating a submission system where you can send in scripts and ideas. Something better than Tumblr’s submissions. I’ll have examples for you to look at so you can see how it should be formatted and other information as well. I’m very interested to see how that plays out, so I’ll get to work on it soon!

Would you be interested in my own original characters, voices, and stories?

This is a very encouraging bit of information! In the not so distant future I want this to be a thing. My own characters with their own art, backgrounds, personalities, and voices. I had a pretty expansive idea for what this could look like, but perhaps an early taste with just one character to give people a real idea of what I’m talking about would be cool. Interesting.

Are you a current or former supporter of my Patreon?

No surprise here given how big my Tumblr audience is versus 350 people on Patreon, but I wanted to ask this so I could give context to this next question.

Is there something in particular that would make you more likely to become a Patron?

First things first, my bad on not having the foresight to include a “financial situation” answer. That’s a good 20% of responses and I really should have included it.

I was very, very interested to see that input and voting was such a big deal! This seems to have been a blind spot for me, perhaps because I’m just bad at running polls and figuring all of that out, but damn. The Patreon version of the survey also confirmed that this is a big deal. So I am going to be sitting down with my Patrons and figuring out what tiers need to be voting and the resulting audio, as well as how I’ll be able to deal with things like the big split between characters. I don’t know exactly how that’ll play out, but obviously it’s an important factor that needs to be incorporated to my Patreon.

I’m also flattered that 25% of responses just want more access to me, my process, and stuff like that. I can post more. I’m looking at doing Patreon specific monthly Q&A’s for a start and I’ll also pick my Patrons’ brains for more ideas.

As for more exclusive audios, this is tough. I already do three as it is, and now I’ll be figuring out how to get Patron input on those. I don’t want to put too much content behind a paywall, you know? Like, I get it, people would pay for it. That’s really cool! There is a trade off, though. More exclusives may in some cases mean I can’t always put out as much public stuff. Now, that might change with script submissions taking some of the workload off of me. As it stands, I just don’t know. First things first, I’ll figure out the whole voting and submission thing and improve the exclusives that are already in place. 

Does personal engagement with me matter to you?

You like me! You really like me! My big takeaway here is “Yeah, you’re alright, but don’t answer 20 questions in a row and ruin my dash, please.” I think that’s what it means, at least. I needed to know if I needed to STFU or just keep doing my thing, so I’ll keep on doing my thing. <3

One of the recurring themes in the additional comments section was that Tumblr kind of sucks for audios. A better system would be ideal and I think everyone is absolutely right. I don’t have any answers right now, but know that I’m thinking about this a lot, and I want to do something about it.

Thank you all for taking your time to fill out my survey, and of course, thank you for following, listening, and being all around awesome. This was incredibly insightful and I hope that with this information I can make some big improvements around here!

[striddums]

ok, keeping this under a cut cause i just really don’t want to start a whole discourse on my blog, i hope you all understand. so, to the anons:

first: i realise i need to be more mindful & discreet about this topic than i initially was in my tags, especially as a white person, like you stated. and i apologise. i hadn’t watched any of the videos (including pdp’s) yet, and writing “i don’t think he’s a nazi” was just literally me carelessly sharing my gut feeling. cause i still think that he’s not... maybe i’m horribly naive for it. but i don’t think he is. the post i linked there is a piss poor “apology” and whatever, but he does state very clearly that he doesn’t share the same hateful thoughts as those people. he even calls the idea laughable - which to me perfectly summarises the entire problem with this guy. which brings us to...

...point two: in that post he says, i quote, “As laughable as it is to believe that I might actually endorse these people...”. he’s a dumbass. he thinks it’s fine to call it laughable, that he has a place to do so, and that it proves his point. “of course i don’t think that way! that’s so ridiculous i’d never in a million years even consider it! it’s laughable!” to me, that has seemed to be his thought process every time something like this happened... and, again, it’s fucking stupid. he SHOULD realise (especially with his massive audience, god) that he needs to be more careful talking about that stuff, more respectful, more empathetic. people get hurt by what he says and what he does. so many people (RIGHTFULLY) responded the way they did to his offensive jokes cause he caused HARM. and he simply hadn’t fathomed it would have the colossal impact it did. so i understand that people see that and think “well, he’s going around trampling on different groups, seemingly without remorse. this clearly shows his ideologies.” it’s a logical response! my feelings on it however... i’ve been watching his channel since 2012, and i just don’t think he’s that guy? not in a i-watched-him-so-long-and-i-wuv-him-too-much-to-see-mistakes kinda way. i’ve unsubscribed from many people i watched since 2009-2012 in the past cause they did something horrible (alex day for example). but i never got the feeling felix is the horrible person people worry he is. in the recent post (that i now deleted) i saw someone in the comments say “most of his videos have antisemitic tones”, but that’s simply untrue. i still watch a lot of his videos (think of that what you will...) and it’s literally 99% silly, inoffensive memes. the vast majority of his content is completely harmless. i can vouch he does not mention jewish people, or hitler, or anything like that, ever. cause...

...point three: why would he? he’s been under fire by the media and the internet and a big chunk of the whole world for what he did. disney fired him, his youtube red series got cancelled and thus scare pewdiepie 2 will never see the light of day. and, again, RIGHTFULLY SO. his “”””jokes”””” were distasteful and awful, and he had to face consequences for it. (which he agreed with btw! in the end with all the companies dropping him, he was most upset that other people who appeared in scare pdp 2 did all that hard work for it to never get recognised, all due to his idiocy.) so, as we all know, people were very upset with him for what he thought was just a funny-kinda-risky joke, and they still are. i lose followers every time i mention his name lol. he has expressed many times that he feels remorse and wishes for himself to do better and never fuck up like this again. that’s why i think he was not aware of the antisemitic references made by the creator he named in the recent video. if he did know it, regardless of him actually being antisemitic or not, he never would’ve mentioned them. he would’ve known what kind of shitstorm he could expect, ESPECIALLY since it’s regarding a topic he’s already screwed up in! i legit think he had no idea. also cause watching the video by the twitch streamer (from the post i now deleted), i had to rewatch the clips apparently showing antisemitic content many times. i didn’t get the references... at all... maybe i’m super uneducated, but i didn’t recognise them as anything nazi-related. <:/ they’re not blatant, in your face antisemitic references, they’re apparently very hidden and specific. all of them went right over my head, until the twitch guy paused and went “oh my god” and i then tried really hard to look into it... so i think it’s the same with felix. i believe most people wouldn’t notice the messages in them, unless they were familiar with nazi references. i think pdp likely just found a death note review that he enjoyed (it’s his favourite anime and he has Big Opinions on the netflix remake) so he decided to shout out the channel that made it based on that. i think this cause in his video, it’s literally the only thing he had to say about them... “i liked their anime review”. that’s it. so i believe the references went over his head too. (EDIT: after i wrote all this & posted it i saw pewdiepie had just uploaded a video addressing the matter, and he confirmed what i thought. he had no idea there were antisemitic references and never would’ve shared the channel if he had known.)

now, about that creator he gave a shout-out to, point four: from what i understand of the clips the twitcher showed, the offensive person isn't spreading blatant supremacist propaganda, or clearly stating to be in favour of those things. they’re putting in hidden references, and these might reflect his feelings (i wouldn’t be surprised.) but one thing became clear: he is in fact, a horrible edgelord lmao. the 4chan kind. the person who thinks putting a hitler speech bit in a steven universe video is funny. which is disgusting. i honestly doubt pdp has seen that su video, cause it’s on the man’s second channel that he never mentioned in this shout-out video, and cause it’s steven universe related lol. i don’t think he’d click on a su video, but that’s based on assumptions entirely so not very credible, i know. the su video’s title also has a rape joke in it... it’s just all round bad. that’s the only vid that had a more obvious nazi ref too (literal hitler) and the terrible title... so yeah fuck that guy. it’s unsure if pewdiepie actually knew about that video at all (and that one was referenced the most by the twitch streamer). all we can say for sure is that E;R guy is a massive twat. (EDIT: so yeah again, we now know for certain pdp had never seen the su video and junk)

to round it all up... to me pewdiepie is a guy with edgy humor, who thinks he can joke about everything (which, no ya don’t, especially as a cishet white dude), and who by far doesn’t take things as seriously as he should. and by a LANDSLIDE not as seriously as he should as a youtuber with 75 million subscribers. he’s made a lot of mistakes and it was never my intention to come off as if i’m defending or excusing them: i’m not, and i think they’re terrible. they’re extremely upsetting, and i’m deeply sorry for not being clear about that and putting those irritated tags under the post so carelessly. (my irritation was also mainly directed at felix for screwing up... again.)

but yeah, i do feel like he’s not actually someone with offensive thoughts... just someone who needs to grow up more & get better at handling such a big audience (which he has had like 4 years for... too slow). he has a far larger impact than he realises at times and there’s just certain jokes he CANNOT make. not only cause they’re simply unfunny and distasteful, but also cause they harm people. so all the people who say he handles things unprofessionally and has WAY too many screw-ups for someone with the large following he does - i wholeheartedly agree. but i don’t think he’s a nazi.

[illusoryteam]

Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 4

Writer: okbdsm Source: Multiple sources (including FetLife) Date: August 29, 2018 Errata: This is the final part of a series of rants regarding the importance of taking responsibility for your actions because whether you’re in individual, a small business, or a major corporation, if you are not going to honor your commitments, then you are putting your own personal and professional reputation at risk.

In 2012, one of my friends on FetLife would end up telling me about a camming Website called MyFreeCams. Either that same year or a year later, I would end  up discovering another camming Website called Chaturbate. Fast forward to 2018, I would dive into the world of Patreon.

This is actually going to be the longest of my rants, so the rest of it can be viewed via the Read More link.

So, what are MyFreeCams, Chaturbate, and Patreon?

Here are the descriptions from the HTML meta tags of each Website:

MyFreeCams: MyFreeCams is the original free webcam community for adults, featuring live video chat with thousands of models, cam girls, amateurs and female content creators!

Chaturbate: Watch Live Cams Now! No Registration Required - 100% Free Uncensored Adult Chat. Start chatting with amateurs,  exhibitionists, pornstars w/ HD Video & Audio.

Patreon:  Patreon is empowering a new generation of creators. Support and engage with artists and creators as they live out their passions!

I will get to Patreon in a little while.

In regards to MyFreeCams and Chaturbate, the vast majority of the Webcam feeds that are broadcasted on those sites are of a sexual nature where models would do things such as flashes, teases, dances, blowjob shows, masturbation (cum) shows, and the list goes on. Models would often offer various forms of content for sale on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate in exchange for the virtual currency known as Tokens. No matter how much a person spends when it comes to purchasing tokens on both Websites, whenever models are tipped on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate, they would earn 5 cents per Token. From models’ perspectives, this is how much they would have to make to get a certain dollar amount:

1 Token = $0.05

20 Tokens = $1.00

200 Tokens = $10.00

1,000 Tokens = $50.00

2,000 Tokens = $100.00

10,000 Tokens = $500.00

20,000 Tokens = $1,000.00

Now, how much do people on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate spend on the Token packages? Well, as of this writing, here are the current prices for the Token packages on each Website:

MyFreeCams:

10 Tokens for $1.49

15 Tokens for $1.89

20 Tokens for $2.49

25 Tokens for $2.99

30 Tokens for $3.49

35 Tokens for $3.99

40 Tokens for $4.49

45 Tokens for $4.99

50 Tokens for $5.49

55 Tokens for $5.99

60 Tokens for $6.49

65 Tokens for $6.99

70 Tokens for $7.49

75 Tokens for $7.99

80 Tokens for $8.49

85 Tokens for $8.99

90 Tokens for $9.49

95 Tokens for $9.99

200 Tokens for $19.99 (~$0.10 per token)

550 Tokens for $49.99 (~$0.09 per token)

900 Tokens for $74.99 (~$0.08 per token)

1875 Tokens for $149.99 (less than $0.08 per token)

3775 Tokens for $299.99 (less than $0.08 per token)

7575 Tokens for $599.99 (less than $0.08 per token)

Chaturbate:

100 tokens for $10.99

200 tokens for $20.99 (5% Bonus)

500 tokens for $44.99 (22% Bonus)

750 tokens for $62.99 (31% Bonus)

1000 tokens for $79.99 (37% Bonus)

1255 tokens for $99.99 (38% Bonus)

2025 tokens for $159.99 (39% Bonus)

4050 tokens for $319.98 (39% Bonus)

There are models that will also accept things such as Amazon e-Gift Cards, GiftRocket, PayPal (which is highly discouraged since they do not allow their services to be used in exchanged for sexual services), Circle (which is highly discouraged since they do not allow their services to be used in exchanged for sexual services), etc. in lieu of people purchasing Tokens.

For the most part, if I tip a model a certain amount of Tokens, provide her an Amazon e-Gift Card, GiftRocket, etc. for certain content (for example, photo sets, videos, Kik access, Snapchat access, cell phone numbers, Skype shows, etc.), most models that I visit will deliver on that content in a prompt and timely manner. However, I have run into three models on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate that I have either purchased content or won contests that they ran and still have not (as of August 29, 2018) received any of the content I’ve purchased and/or won.

Here is a list of some of the content that one model (I’ll call her the 2013 model for the sake of convenience) has owed me since 2013:

Fan Art

Fan Art

Photo of my screen name on the model's body

30 minute dildo masturbation video

Two photo sets

Upgrade from Beginner to Elite Four (some Pokémon themed profile club with certain benefits and features)

Music playlist

One photo set

Boyfriend for a week

Shower point-of-view video

Song request via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

Crazy request via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

Custom drawing via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

Mini song playlist via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

One future video via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

2 minute video via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

Valentine's Day picture via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)

Song request

6 hours and 35 minutes (335 minutes of Skype time)

Additionally, I have entered a raffle that the 2013 model ran from November 25, 2013 to December 31, 2013 called the Rainbow Holiday Raffle. I actually managed to win The Blue Set which is supposed to contain the following content:

Ten different videos of unreleased content

A 60 minute Skype date

Two unreleased photo sets

A special Christmas card sent by E-Mail or through the mail

A special baked gift

To date, I have not received any of the content from the 2013 model.

Then, we have another model (I’ll call her the 2016 model) that owes me content that I have either purchased and/or won from raffles. This is just a small sample of items that the 2016 model owes me:

A handwritten letter letter (Valentine's Day related raffle content)

A dozen or so Fan Signs

Special Handmade Custom Valentine's Day Card (Valentine's Day related raffle content)

Goodie box with brownies or cookies (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle, but I mentioned to the model that I did not want the food, but what I did not tell the 2016 model is that since I never received the special baked gift from the 2013 model, I doubted that the 2016 model would mail them to me either)

A letter (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)

10 minute custom video (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)

All current content (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)

Cookies, handmade Pokémon + Poké Ball & 20 personal pictures (This was from a raffle titled Raffle Me This)

Care package for the highest cumulative tipper in either July 2017 or August 2017

A southern fan sign

Southern post card

2 outdoor Polaroids (Up to 6 per person)

Any photos/videos that she took while she's back visiting home

Skype movie night for buying the movies Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas

Skype time to watch movies

90 minutes of sexual Skype time

HT wins secret print

Personal 10 picture custom set

BJ Snap show

Butt plug show (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)

Sticky candy video (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)

Candy Cane Cum Show (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)

Personal show on Snapchat

HT gets a full size drawing + 2 polaroids! HT @ 160

Santa's Helper! 200 tokens - Santa's helpers get my Sweater photoset and an exclusive Christmas drawing sent to them (drawing can be sent digitally if you don't want it mailed!) + your name here showing my appreciation for your help this month!

These are custom videos that I am owed by the 2016 model (Note: one of these videos is from the Raffle Raffle Raffle that I haven't received yet):

Point-of-Video Dildo Fuck Video with the squirting dildo; seeing you with a shibari rope bra and nude beyond that

Double Penetration Video with the anal plug, the Bad Dragon dildo, and the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager; seeing you naked, of course

Cowgirl Fuck Video with the fuck doll, the sexy halter fishnet lingerie crotchless body stocking, studded spikes punk leather choker collar, fuzzy wristband handcuffs, nipple clamps, and the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager

Hitachi Cum Video with the Bad Dragon dildo and clit rubbing; with the exception of the cosplay restraint bondage sexy bra lingerie, punk goth heart-shape lock link leather collar choker necklace, fuzzy wristband handcuffs, and the nipple clamps, absolutely naked in that video as well

With the final model (I’ll call her the 2018 model), she said that she offers Private Shows on Skype at a low cost of $25 for 30 minutes. I’ve had a few sessions with her, but to date, there are three that still have not been done yet. So far, that’s $75 down the drain.

Finally, we get to Patreon.

I’ve been a Patreon of one of my local friends for nearly three months, and in this particular Tier (the Knight Commander Tier), I am supposed to receive the following:

1 8.5x11 lewd Print

Access to a special division of my Snapchat

Monthly special video chat 

Lewd videos

Access to my NSFW snapchat (which is updated super frequently with tons of exclusive content)

1 4x6 lewd print 

4x6 autographed print with handwritten personalized letter

Access to lewd photosets

Early access to all other Photo sets

Help me decide cosplays & Coordinates!

Lewd photo set previews

Access to Photo set bloopers

Access to exclusive LiveStreams

Added to my Patron exclusive Discord

Access to full cosplay photo shoot sets

Access to my Patreon exclusive feed

1 Digital Print each month

With my friend's Patreon, it's a bit of a mixed bag because while I have access to her current and previous photo sets, Snapchat (which I don't see the difference in the Snapchat content since I'm subscribed to her highest Tier), Discord, and lewd videos, I have not been mailed any of the physical rewards nor have I been reached out to regarding the monthly video chats. Overall, it feels like she completely overextended herself regarding the Patreon rewards because of how many have not been fulfilled.

I can understand that people can be busy. I wholeheartedly understand that. However, it is absolutely inexcusable for me to have to wait over a year (in the instance of the 2013 model, over five years) for me to receive content that I have paid for and owed. I really don't care how busy someone is, they should have time to be able to make and send the content that they owe someone.

What really pisses me off with the 2016 model is that while she is so busy that she hasn't worked on my backlog of items, she has somehow managed to find time to organize raffles in 2017, come up with holiday plans, and get on Streamate to try to earn more funds before the end of the year.

Myself, I don't charge for any photoshoots that I do because it's a hobby. I attend anime conventions, comic book conventions, and other activities frequently, and I can take well over 2,000 pictures a year. However, after any convention or event I attend has concluded, I diligently work on editing and uploading the pictures to Facebook within one week after the events have concluded.

I also know how to run contests and raffles.

In 2014, I did two contests on my personal Website, and those are the following:

Nintendo 3DS XL Contest

The Great Anniversary Contest

For the Nintendo 3DS Contest, I gave away a Nintendo 3DS XL. For The Great Anniversary Contest, I gave the 1st place winner a Nintendo 3DS XL, and the 2nd place winner a Nintendo 2DS. The prizes were immediately mailed after the contests were concluded.

I didn't charge for entry into the contests.

I did not have any sponsorship deals for the contests.

I paid for the prizes out of my own pocket. I took a financial loss doing the contests.

I largely did the contests as a way to drive traffic to my personal Website, and I hoped that people would be encouraged to check out my professional Web Design and Web Hosting Website so I can try to obtain clients.

I'm not going to lie. I've spent a lot of money on MyFreeCams, Chaturbate, and Streamate. While I don't have all of my data for the 2013 model (I know that I've tipped her over 60,000 Tokens), with the 2016 model, after converting the Token amounts to the actual amounts that she's received, she has received the following from the various sources:

200,000 Tokens (which equates to $10,000.00) from the amounts I've tipped on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate from 2015 to present day

$234.08 from the amounts I've spent on Streamate since starting in 2017

$2,039.25 of products from Amazon.com from 2015 to present day

A $1,034.00 customized computer from iBUYPOWER

This does not take into account of any gift cards I've sent on other Websites, any funds that I've sent on Circle, any funds that I've sent on Snapcash, and other things that I have not tracked.

All and all, if people cannot find time to work on content that people have paid for, they should not sell content. They should not do contests. They should reevaluate their business practices because they are accepting funds for services.

I have lost money by loaning/letting friends borrow money and never got paid back (for more information, please refer to Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 3).

I have lost money from models on MyFreeCams (the 2013 model, 2016 model, and 2018 model are on that site).

I have lost money from models on Chaturbate (the 2013 model and the 2016 model have accounts on Chaturbate as well, and I supported both of them on those Websites).

I can’t say that I’ve lost money with my local friend’s Patreon because I have received some of the content, but she either needs to keep better records of what she owes or she should not offer so many things if she does not have time to deliver on them.

Overall, I’m glad that the Illusory Team blog exists because I feel like I can finally post these things that I’ve been wanting to say for the past several years (mostly the contents of Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 3 and Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 4) that I feel like have been largely ignored by those that I should read it. Personally, I do not like ranting about things because I feel like many of my rants and complaints go unnoticed, so we shall see how well my rants and complaints are received here.