#i want a new computer so bad
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:(
(long rant in tags i just needed to get it out somewhere before i explode sorry. cw mental health and mention of past abuse)
#file: storm has thoughts#i want a new computer so bad#I'm grateful mine is at least still alive after almost 12 years but like#i want to play Minecraft at more than 12 fps#or on something more than fast graphics with a render distance of 5 and like ten performance mods just to be able to open the game#i want to stream again#i LIKED streaming it was really fun even with only one or two viewers#i want to join public servers#i mean i probably wouldn't because ~anxiety~ but I'd like to have the option you know?#i want to be able to play a game and watch youtube at the same time#i have so many games in my steam library that are unplayable right now#my brother was going to get me rdr2 for Christmas#I've wanted to play it for YEARS but nope pc won't run it#this feels like such a dumb thing to be legitimately upset over#because at least i HAVE a desktop#at least i can still PLAY Minecraft kind of#even if I'm getting a little tired of skyblock worlds#I'm just. i dunno. 20+ years of giving up the things that make me happiest#sometimes willingly and sometimes not#is exhausting#I'm finally at the point of saying fuck it#if I'm constantly being told I'm selfish and lazy anyway then i might as well ACTUALLY be selfish right#except i can't even do that when i don't have a cent to my name and barely have a roof over my head#computers have been a vital lifeline for me through some of the hardest times I've ever had#and now I'm slowly losing even that#not great timing when I'm already feeling more isolated and lonely than i have in a long time#the last time it was this bad i was you know. being actively stalked by my abuser.#this time I'm just stuck in a bad situation of my own making that i can't find the strength to pull myself out of#i miss my wife i miss my friends i miss my autonomy#and i REALLY miss playing the video games I want to play
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maggie & rei🌟
#sorry i haven't been v active#i want to say it'll get better in like a month and half when we finally move#but i'm sure following i'll still be busy unpacking everything#im kinda hyperfixating on changing up my desk set up in the move w/ the new office#so im sure i'll post pics as it comes together/might actually want to be on my computer#anyways!#that's my life update#packing and working and watching 2 many videos on chair reviews#ts4#s4#s4 edit#sims 4#s4 legacy#sims#sparks#sparks legacy#gen 6#gen 5#u know its bad when u forget ur normal tags
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Tubbo: Yeah no– yesterday I met Roier and Missa for the first time, which was really really freaking cool. Me and Badboyhalo were walking 'round the floor, and Bad got a notification of like– [Briefly interrupted by his father] –with like, Roier taking a photo with like a viewer, and Badboyhalo was like "He is here!" 'Cuz on Insta– [An off-screen "hello" distracts him from the rest of the story] Yes?
#Tubbo#Twitchcon 2024#Twitchcon San Diego#Roier#Missa#Missasinfonia#(Mentioned#September 22 2024#Small snippet but maybe he'll finish this story another day#Anyways. Twitch's new clip function is so bad it makes me want to stop posting clips entirely and I am being so serious about that#Absolutely miserable feature#If it wasn't for my other two clip tools I probably would've stopped#But it does mean I probably can't post live clip updates anymore#Straight up crashes my computer if I make more than 2 clips#and I have a damn good computer#A little older but still damn good#Anyways. Complaints aside I hope you're all enjoying the Twitchcon shenanigans
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im so Normal. totally not shaking and crying rn
#its nice to be this excited about something again! to the point of nausea!#and i Mean That#this is the good kinda stress. tis a welcome break from the usual brands#all week i've been having moments of 'ohhhh god New Information Incoming' and i have to sit down every time#and measure my breathing to chill tf out#is this unhealthy! maybe! i am trying to keep it Contained!! tightly leashed if you will#BUT OH FUCK ITS ALMOST HERE AGH AGH AGH#absolutely unprompted#welcome home#i will probably be unable to discover secrets bc i am bad with computers and the like#but hey! ill try!#if there's like... a spoiler tag yall want from me ill make sure to tag any Update Posts with it#then again wh is a unique scenario of like... Are there spoilers#bc it feels like a 'a couple people uncover stuff and then show/tell the rest' thing#but what would i know! this is kinda the first update!#LETS GO GAMERS I HOPE THE NEW STUFF IS TRAUMATIZING FOR BOTH US AND THE CHARACTERS#alright im getting to excited again im gonna go lay down#gonna be refreshing pages every ten seconds even when its completely illogical and meaningless to do so
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feeling of being watched
#eye strain#cw eye strain#tw eye strain#ralsei#deltarune#i'm in a new era of my art style where i just outline everything in white pencil and think it looks cool#every time i add them i do a victory nod twice at my computer like an old man who just hit par in golf#anyway bright colors hi - i noticed that i tend to default to neutral colors and stay as far away from hues as possible#when i first started digital art i saw someone say to NEVER use the upper right of the HSV picker and i guess i took that to heart#in retrospect that was bad advice; dull colors are safe... but they're still dull and it's good to practice using bright colors too#so here's a hard pivot in the complete opposite direction of my normal work haha#it was fun! but i did have to use a few correction tools to un-muddy my colors so i think i'm gonna do this one more time#you might think the caption is cool and ominous but really i stole it from temmie village#rich history of tem provides plenty of quotable sentences#also! i think i want to reblog my work onto my alt a day after it's posted#i haven't decided for sure but am thinking about it... if you think that'd cause too much clutter though lmk!
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!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]
REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#cw flashing lights#LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!!#RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!!#BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!!#MAYBE SOMEDAY.....#ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww.#i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!!#i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness#LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!!#better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT?#U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!!#im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it#BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS#WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!!#GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY.#OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON#PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!!#ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!!#IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that.#ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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#i want a shrimp burrito so bad#there's this amazing taco place near my place but my ass is currently broke cause i gotta save up for a new computer#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#zac oyama
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limited edition ultimate madoka traditional Japanese woodcut print including embellishment with sworski crystal 420 USD
#abc shut it#i still have like most of my tax return but i was gonna spend it on a new computer chair (still hasnt done that yet) so mustent............#but i want it so bad
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I think the frustrating thing about Spotify recommendations is sometimes it really does introduce me to lots of cool Indie Bands that I really vibe with and allow me to try some new stuff and sometimes it keeps telling me that I need to Listen to Mother Mother (I have not listened to Mother Mother ever and at this point I never will because it is a pride thing.)
Or a random unfunny tiktok joke song from 3 years ago/ a viral YouTube song from over a decade ago.
#simon says#will probably delete this later#but yeah my recommendations are all mother mother and my spotify weekly is a mix between sweet ass new bands and unfunny bad joke songs#my spotify weekly has Cherry Bomb by the Runaways which is a good recommendation and then the Creative Song from don't hug me im scared#which is a bad recommendation to be clear#i know I have a couple of odd songs from things like shows or cartoon bumpers in my playlist (i got whats new scooby doo on there)#but that doesn't mean that I need to be recommended fuckin Death By Glamour??#like there's no videogame soundtracks in my playlist why the fuck is that there#If I wanna listen to Undertale music I would just listen to the vinyls I own!!#anyways this is just a vent against spotify#my weekly seems to have a LOT more indie stuff so imma check it out real fast#i want to discover more music because I do eventually want to just swap to mp3s and an mp3 player instead of spotify#that is one thing I like about Spotify the most is that it helps me find more bands that I like#but I could probably find stuff via looking up youtube playlists as well#so it's not worth paying for anymore#I asked for an mp3 player for Christmas so hopefully I get one and I can just start using that instead#i miss my mp3 these last 7 years without it have sucked I miss my designated music device#anyways dont have to worry about going ad free if you just have the digital files on your computer and put them directly in a player#😎👍
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So good and bad update!
Bad update is that my computer is a total write off. I can't get anything off the hard drive which means a loss of important photos of my late dog. And that some commissions, when I get my new laptop. Will have to be restarted from scratch. Which I don't mind doing, and everyone will get extras for their delays.
Good news is giffing and commissions should start again next week some time depending! Thank you to everyone who boosted my posts or bought my packs or donated or even checked up on me because I was stressed over it all. Also huge thank you to the commissioners who were very kind and told me to not stress and they were good with waiting. I appreciate all of you so much.
Also I'm emotional so especially special thanks to Ghost and Victoria (not sure if they want to be tagged so<3) For both helping me find out the specs I need and the perfect computer but also just for everything. 🦥🦥💕💕
#So much love to everyone tbh#dev talks#Ik I'm bad at words but I want everyone who even wished me well to know ily#will still be slow until new computer comes#but
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i finally finished bg3
and it only took me [looks at steam]
SIX HUNDRED HOURS
#merlin.txt#w/ the new computer the rest of act 3 went by super quickly#honestly i dont think my computer and my sanity would have survived all those cutscenes#ANYWAYS initial thoughts:#cried like a baby. ending credits songs really really good. i can't WAIT to start a new playthru. HOWEVER:#oh my god the ending felt so fucking rushed. i was expecting like a typical rpg ending slideshow at LEAST but nothing???#like you only get One cutscene with your romanced partner (a short one too) but i don't get to see what everyone else is doing??? hello??#gale is literally like 'lets celebrate' and we don't get to see the celebration??? or at the very least a chance to talk to everyone again#like in act 1 and 2????#imo i think the most satisfying one was lae'zels. god i love her#also act 3 is hella buggy especially towards the end. a lot of broken dialogue. but ah well#OK NOW SPOILER THOUGHTS SAMMIE DONT LOOK:#the game Really wants you to turn illithid but i ended up just letting karlach do it ... i felt bad .. but like#i found the arc of my tav like. getting So close to going full power hungry and martyr and hero only to finally be humbled like -#'you dont have to always play hero' was really interesting. like doing that and then hearing the post credits 'the power' song. gshldgksmal#guy who is soo miserable abt the fact that all their cool illithid powers are now gone. has to go back to being normal#ALSO. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE ENDING AST SCENE. HELLO?#HIM RUNNING AWAY FROM THE SUN. IT BEING COMPLETELY PLAYED FOR LAUGHS. SO MEAN#any other time i may have laughed but the fact that you dont really get epilogues made that Really sting.#THE FACT THAT THE COMPANIONS ARE NOT EVEN NICE ABOUT IT??????
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my computer is now at that age where I'm getting superstitious about it, the wifi antenna I have plugged in at the top didn't turn on automatically and I'm blaming the slight busted bearing sound that happened when I booted it up
#it's fine now. classic unplug and plug worked like a charm#I need a new computer so bad but I want a GOOD computer#not one that has a gpu model released in 2015
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i need to play a good mystery/puzzle game again so fucking bad i'm going throw up
#if zero escape hadn't haunted my mind so much that i exploded i'd have forgotten all the details by now and#would be able to replay it. but alas. i loved it so much LAIUSDHALIUSDHADS#i also can't afford any new games rn. and i don't really have the time to play many games#sighs wistfully#i can't even play anything on my computer today i gotta finish up these comic pages and then get in bed because my back is hurting#just gonna be one of those days.......... sighs wistfully a second time#if anybody knows any FREE (FREE) mystery games i can play on android that'd be wicked#i need a good story that makes me analyze every part of it again so bad#....also if anybody wants to gift me good mystery games on steam for later that'd be lovely#i literally can't give you anything back <3 you should just do it cause i'm cute
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you probably won't even care about yakuza by the time the plushies are out if we go by your track record
i cant even deny this cause my interests do tend to have a shelf life of one year and it'll be one year come june
#snap chats#i got back into rgg in june last year despite only really starting to make public fanart for it in july#i wouldnt say i wouldnt care wholly tho like im still hyped for DB stuff despite not drawing for it#like BT4 just got announced and im fuckin nutting to see gameplay of that#and i still keep up with the new jojo manga- even if i havent read 7 and 8 yet ☠️#wait can i say really quick my fucking computer auto updated to windows 11 and its fucking with me so bad#trying to grab that emoji made me want to die eveyrthing is so fucking SQUISHY#its not a matter of i wont care for it i just wont be so fixated on it#but who's to say it's hard for me to get into new things- like all the things i was recently into (db/kh/rgg)#they were all things i liked in the past that i figured id revisit during the pandemic#oh well. now im compelled to keep rgg posting for another year to spite this LMAO#i mean LAD8 is coming out next year not to mention gaiden#like i still very much have reasons to keep watching the series and the sort#who wants to find that fuckin. post i made mapping out my interests over time cause i needa check the data
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i was drawing smth i avtually liked and csp crashed again i cant keep doing this
#i need a new computer so bad its soo so bad i want 2 lay down and die#IM SOOOO UPSETTT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i almost said i would do comms to work towards buying one but csp would just delete them all anywyas
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