#this feels like such a dumb thing to be legitimately upset over

[inaris-mage-of-storms]

:(

(long rant in tags i just needed to get it out somewhere before i explode sorry. cw mental health and mention of past abuse)

[maryibgarry102]

This is a "complain into the void about being annoyed" post so feel free to ignore lol

ok like i get being mad about the a/c not being fixed as fast as you'd like and the various other legitimate maintenance problems ppl have been dealing with when they shouldn't have to be. but pls don't get mad at the maintenance workers not being able to give you a timeline for a fix because of the ADMIN not having tracking info for a part they need for your a/c repair as if they were the ones who manufactured the part and handle it's transport like babe not only do the guys who come in to do your work likely not handle this shit themselves separate from the admin, but the housing org and the a/c part ppl are seperate businesses, ran by people with limited time/resources/staff and high demand like. The ppl could literally just not have stuff to tell you because THEY weren't given a way to track it themselves by the a/c part seller? You don't always get tracking info, like when a teacher i know had issues with getting a part shipped for an oven issue they were fixing or with some international orders. Did ya think that maybe they aren't purposefully trying to slight you in any way but are just ppl with limited info and resources who ALSO would rather just fix your issue and be done with it like? Be mad about the high cost of living with an administration that isn't as efficient as it should be considering the scope of their work and the high demand, be mad with issues like your a/c or water not working properly considering the price you pay for maintenance and the space itself, but don't get mad at the repair workers for issues outside of their control or make a fuss because of a "problem" that really is just how life goes sometimes, instead of acting like it was meant to be a personal slight just cause it's not the most convenient or what you wanted

[marsupials-of-mars]

Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.

A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.

And the first part of that is true!

He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.

He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).

And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.

But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!

This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.

He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.

Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:

He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.

And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.

Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.

Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/royaltealovingkookiness/187489175766/i-think-the-anon-who-sent-the-zuko-lost-azula-in?source=share

Your thoughts?

(I'm only mentioning the ones I don't agree with)

"Oogling him when he's half-naked"

As a brazilian, this one was HILARIOUS to me. He just has his shirt off because it's summer and bending is a physical exercise and he's going to sweat. This isn't him dramatically taking his shirt off at The Beach and a ton of fangirls appearing to drool all over him. This isn't sexual.

She's literally watching him and AANG practice firebending. That's all. Why are we making it about attraction, and why are we assuming she could only possibly be looking at Zuko when Aang is there too? By that logic, Ozai and Aang were checking each other out during their fight in the finale, and so were Zhao and Zuko during their Agni Kai - after all, they're LOOKING at EACH OTHER when NEITHER OF THEM has a SHIRT on.

"Note Katara's body language"

Literally what about it? I legitimately don't understand this one. Touching her hair is somehow weird or flirty? It's just hair!

Is it because she's sitting next to Zuko? What, she's not allowed to be too close to a guy without it being suggestive/flirty in some way? Again, as a brazilian, I am VERY confused. Somebody help me out here.

"I don't think anyone could argue sibling vibes in a scene in which they are visibly disgusted at the thought of being mistaken for a couple"

What? Like, sure, I can see SOME siblings just laughing it off and correcting the person who made a mistake, but being grossed out is a 100% valid reaction.

As a girl that grew up being told "You saying you don't like this boy can ONLY mean that you secretly like him" and had to hear an unhinged woman call my 11-year-old self "her future daughter in law" just because I was friends with her son, I am BEGGING people to quit it with that bullshit. Being weirded out is not "admiting" there are feelings there. Stop it. Sometimes people are shy, sometimes they just genuinely don't like each other that way. Stop projecting.

(Also the only correct ways to do the mistaken for a couple thing is with the characters either just rolling with it "to avoid explaining" or to one of them to exaggerate on the awkwad denial and accidentally offend/upset the other, like it happened with Kataang in Cave Of Two Lovers)

"I don't remember any scene of Zuko or Katara fighting side by side with their sibling like they did with each other"

Also if we're talking side-by-side fighting stance that screams romantic symbolism, let's be fucking serious here. The dragons literally make a heart.

"You can only want to see embarrassing/cute baby pictures of your friend if you want to date them, and siblings totally don't use old childhood photos to annoying each other"

Are you fucking kidding me?

"Co-parenting"

Fuck off, they're children. Traumatized children. ALL of them. They've all done stupid shit, and they've all been exasperated by their friends' doing dumb shit. Found family doesn't mean we NEED one or more characters to play the "parent" role.

Katara actively resents the idea of being seen more as parent than as a friend, and Zuko JUST discovered the revolutionary concept of "Wait, a father burning his child's face is NOT normal????" Co-parenting my ass.

"Bed/bison sharing. Very unsibling like"

Katara literally shares the bed/Appa with Sokka during the entire Blue Spirit episode. And like this person pointed out themselves, the Gaang shares "a bed" and sleep next to each other all the time. Be thrilled that your OTP is having a moment that you could re-imagine as romantic, but let's not pretend any kind of intimacy MUST be sexual/romantic in nature.

"The scene of Katara comforting Zuko has parallels with his first scene with Mai at the start of the season"

This one was totally okay until the bullshit of "Mai's kiss and hug didn't help Zuko feel better at all and after this he shuts her out." During all of Nightmares And Daydreams we see him cuddling with her, Mai trying to cheer him up, and him even confessing his inner-turmoil about having to essentially put on an act to please Ozai.

She grew a lot as a character and Zuko didn't take her joke in that first episode to heart. He is doing the exact opposite of shutting her out, he actively turns to her for comfort.

"The physical distance between them shrunk"

Yes, and? Seriously, what about it? Is there a line missing here? Am I not seeing something? WHAT IS GOING ON?

"The lightning to the heart feels like a romantic scene"

I was gonna let it slide, like I was doing with all the others "This could work for a romantic relationship, but it's not inherently romantic", but that last line I just can't stand by. DRAMA IS NOT THE SAME AS ROMANCE.

"The simmilar scene for a canon ship doesn't have the same focus on the hands as this one does"

Hand-close ups are exclusive to married people, it is known *rolls eyes*

"It looks like they're about to kiss"

Bruh, what? Looking up at someone who is looking down at you is like leaning in for a kiss?

"Many of these scenes (not the ship-baiting ones obviously) could have been written, framed, animated in a purely platonic way, giving it more of a playful sibling vibe, but the creators deliberately chose overtly romantic or at least ambiguous tones"

[neurodivergantizzetwitch]

ive been hearing a lot of legitimate criticism of will wood and his fan base from people who like his music, but see him as a pretentious white guy, and his fanbase as an extension of that.

now i havent been in the ww fandom v long, but given the depths i have gone in it i feel at least somewhat comfortable saying im not sure exactly where this impression is coming from.

i see him writing very eclectic erratic and idiosyncratic songs, and people having a variety of interpretations of them, and i can see how that might come off as pretentiousness, especially bc some of his fans really do cross a line in terms of a gatekeepy parasocial attachment to will

but i haven't really seen anyone going THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO INTERPRET THIS SONG YOURE STUPID IF YOU DONT SEE IT or smth to that effect

i acknowledge tho that there is also some legitimate background to this perception, bc what i have seen is:

-will playing characters live and joking w his audience in ways that are often either easily misinterpreted or clearly just someone with extreme mental health issues

-will being maybe mildly annoyed at how his fans often... over analyze his songs and upset when they overstep boundaries, and sometimes expressing that in non ideal ways.

-wills fans being incredibly obsessed with him and his music, which to the outside observer can be annoying i think (but honestly this to me reads more as a bunch of nd ppl w who have hyperfixated/have a special interest related to him)

-the lyrics to wills songs all being very confusing, especially the farther back in his discography you go, and his fans acting like their meanings are obvious on a first glance even when they arent (which is all the time)

-will pulling references from sources that can be seen as pretentious and off putting, esp when coming from a white guy (taoism, it's always sunny, modern psychology, 'classic' films, name dropping authors of philosophy, etc.)

-wills stances often being contrarian and often (especially on first glance) seemingly being that way purely for the sake of being contrarian

-will explaining his stances in fancy and grandiloquent language (a note on this one in particular: i think of this as not really a sign of being pretentious, potentially bc of my own struggles w it. i often accidentally use a bunch of complicated words and descriptions that wouldn't make sense to me if i was the one hearing them, not because im trying to be exclusionary or come off as ✨intelligent✨, but bc it was explained to me in those terms and i went through the process of studying it in that terminology and being told i had to use that terminology, and now im too dumb to translate what im thinking back into language that's actually comprehensible)

but i feel that a lot of these things are really overstated in how often they happen. by and large, i think a lot of this response is a misreading of the facts that his fanbase is really passionate to a somewhat obsessive degree, will is very passionate about the things he likes and the things he believes in, and both will and the majority of his fan base are pretty mentally unstable and/or neurodivergent.

from what ive seen, will isn't trying to be pretentious in any way and is legitimately just expressing himself. his fanbase despite their occasional issues are ultimately pretty much just very passionate people. and also he does not hate them! to quote the man himself

"guys, i don't hate you! stop telling people i hate you! stop doing that; i like you people! 99.999 percent of you are really good, and 99.999 percent of the people who piss me off are just going through it! i don't know where people are getting this idea the whole like 'will wood hates his fandom' yeah i know i said i hate you all in that song but... you know, it's a song! i like you guys."

if you have counter info/arguments though id love to see them. im always looking for new perspectives, and as i said ive *just* started listening to will wood and looking into his lore. i couldve totally missed smth and id love to hear it if i have.

[ashwii]

i wanted to ask stuff about your rottmnt celestial au and idk if i'm doing it right (im new to tumblr), but uh apologies in advance i thought of a lot of questions

so since Leo feels pain when one of the stars die, does Mikey also feel pain when a comet dies? what about the things they overlook but don't embody (other moons, other suns, all the other zippity things)? do they still feel physical pain for those things?

2. are Raph and Donnie literally the sun/moon? bcuz you said what happens for eclipses , but like- is the sun literally a giant turtle and are donnie and raph just stuck in orbit? if they wanted to travel to a different part of space, would the sun/moon just disappear?

3. is each individual star, zippity thing, moon, and sun, embodied by a creature thing like the turtles? you said that they consider the planets good friends, so are the planets creatures? and is earth literally whatever creature they are with people living on it?

4. you said that raph is the oldest even though leo would technically be oldest, but i like to imagine leo is the oldest, he just did something really dumb centuries ago and "got his oldest sibling rights revoked." he complains about it sometimes but was compensated with getting to be twins with donnie (this wasn't really a question lol)

5. do the siblings ever feel inferior to each other? like does donnie get upset that he always has to orbit something and does raph get upset he embodies something leo already kinda does? is this angst potential?

6. if the turtles are just floating around in space, does NASA not have any pictures of them? cause satellites? what do they think about satellites and the humans trying to go to space?

7. if the earth's sun/moon died, would raph/donnie also die, or do all of the suns/moons have to die? what about mikey? is it just the comets dying that would kill him or does it have to be everything?

8. is any of the siblings more powerful than the other, or all they all balanced out somehow?

9. what do they do in their free time? it seems like they would get bored a lot

10. what do they think about humans worshipping the sun and stuff? do they even know about that?

11. not a question, but this au seems really cool and i really love the designs C:

Oh boy this is a lot, SO IN ORDER

Yes they do! It's just no where neat as prevalent as leo, since there are LOTS and LOTS of stars up in space.

Ah, that's kinda thinking too deep about it — they make an eclipse bc it's a "sun and moon thing" to do, but it's not like they're literally stuck to one spot and can't move. This is just a silly au with fun ideas, no need to limit ourselves to what legitimately happens up in space ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [and even then, I almost think of the celestial turts more as concepts than physical beings — maybe only having a physical form to talk to april hehe].

Nope! The planets and such are just there doing their own thing. It's like how maybe you pass a tree every day on you way to work, and overtime you say hi to the tree, maybe sit by it, talk to it — that's about the turt's relationship with the planets [and other celestial things], except i like to think there a bit of a legitimate connection there hehe.

[Skipping down to 5] Mmm I don't think so 🤔 maybe as a sibling rivalry thing Leo reminds raph that he's "so much better" than him XD. But they all love their rolls and what they look over.

NASA doesn't have any pics, like I saod I think of the space turts more as concepts than physical beings. Donnie js suoer into eath tech tho — S.H.E.L.D.O.N. is actually made of lost human space tech, and the turts love that the human want to see space so bad.

Donnie and Raph a little different than Leo and Mikey — at least in my head. Donnie and Raph SPECIFICALLY embody earth's moon and sun, so if either Donnie or Raph die, then earth's sun/moon dies. Mikey is the embodiment of ALL the comets, and Leo is the embodiment of ALL the stars. So if Leo were to die, then all the stars would go out, and same kind of thing for Mikey and his comets.

I mean, none of them have powers or anything 🤔 they don't exactly "control" everything that goes on in space, they're just uo there kind of vibing, hehe.

They talk to each other, they tend to what they look over, and they observe the life on earth— seems boring to us, but they love each and every thing up and space, and they love the life on earth so much <3

Mm, I honestly have no idea what they would think about that XD. I feel that maybe they'd be flattered, aha.

And thank you, I'm happy you like the au <3

[forevertrueblue]

Speaking of the Loki fandom...a few comments.

Let me preface this first point by saying I love this ship and support people shipping it. But that said...if you actually thought Lokius would be explicitly canon then you were playing yourself. Last season they said it wasn't romantic, and same with at the beginning of this season; they weren't queerbaiting you like a lot of other creators tend to when a ship like this gets popular. Yet somehow, some people were legitimately convinced it was gonna happen in a "big twist". (I feel like I hear a lot about this in fandoms with non-canon M/M ships but has that ever actually happened? I guess in Supernatural, kind of?)

I don't like ship wars or pushing the idea of them or whatever but I wasn't expecting Lokius fans to come out of this more satisfied than Sylki fans, on the whole. I was legitimately worried Mobius would be sidelined this season in favor of a giant Sylvie/Sylki-fest (more on that ship in a minute) but I'm pretty sure he got the second most amount of screentime (he was third last season) and he seemed to have more of an arc and impact on the story than she did.

Another preface: I love Sylvie and Sylki. Them being together at the end wasn't make or break for me, but I am annoyed their romance wasn't directly discussed by either of them and makes me kind of annoyed at all the effort I put in at the conclusion of Season 1 to understand and appreciate the ship (because from the interviews I just kind of assumed it was a fact of life that they'd be endgame and wanted to be able to embrace it best I could). THAT SAID this season proved to me that my theory from last season, that the Sylki shippers only looked "good" compared to the Lokius shippers because they were the ones getting what they wanted, was absolutely correct. I'm annoyed people, especially a certain writer, egged that shipping on so much via social media because it felt kind of like baiting (I may talk to him about this, idk yet) but I'm seeing some pretty vitriolic comments towards him and the other creators and that's just not cool. I hate to say "it's just a show" because I get very upset when people say that sort of thing to me...but I'm not spreading that kind of hate towards REAL PEOPLE sooooo

The vast majority of Loki fans seem to be either hyperfocused on shipping or Kang. Little to no in between. And that makes it hard to have actual conversations about the series with most people.

And finally, I'm sick of certain fans calling myself and others dumb for our feelings on how things played out. No, I wasn't just waiting for a happily ever after, I was open to a lot of things. Really, I think I've been very mature about the whole thing and I don't appreciate people treating me like I'm stupid over this. I'm already hurting and you're making it worse.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Mafia Virgin by Mila Finelli

Rating: 4.5/5 Heat Level: 4/5 Publication Date: December 13th

Premise:

Aspiring doctor Emma Mancini is forced into an arranged marriage with Cosa Nostra Don Giacomo Buscetta allegedly to keep the peace between their families, and now they have just a few months to get pregnant.

My review:

This was the perfect end to the Kings of Italy series complete with all the greatest mafia hits: an intelligent but innocent heroine who's just begging to be corrupted, a brutal, gruff don who is VERY into that, an arranged marriage, and an order to get pregnant.... or else.

Emma's vibe is innocent, but also not. As she won't hesitate to remind you, she's an aspiring doctor who's not squeamish of bodily functions, and then she'll proceed to interrogate Giacomo about how his foreskin impacts his dick piercing, and whether he's into prostate play (the answer is yes, in case you were wondering). Not only does Giacomo find her brand of scientific exploration hot, but it also compliments his blunt personality.

Giacomo (under no circumstances will I be calling him Mo I'm sorry) is very different from the previous three Kings of Italy heroes; he doesn't bother with an elegant or legitimate facade of any sort and is more of a rough-and-ready type (a bit o'rough, perhaps?). Everyone thinks he's a "more brawn than brain" kinda guy (which he also internalized thanks to his dad), but that couldn't be further from the truth. For one, every time Emma tries to pull one over him, he catches on real fast. And he's good at math. I thought it was interesting that always being second best in his father's eyes is also the reason Giacomo is deeply into Emma being an *untouched virgin* because she's just for him and no one else.

Much like Fausto and Enzo, Giacomo is an older hero (there's a 12 year age gap) who feels guilty for exactly 10 seconds for being attracted to the younger, more innocent heroine (well tbh, I don't think Enzo ever felt guilty) before going into full-throttle seduction mode. Let me put it this way— the first "little girl" he utters might be derisive, but the rest of them are... very much not. And on Emma's part, she's super into the biiiiig, jacked, tatted thing Giacomo has going on (shoutout to that gym voyeurism scene), even if she's slightly upset that biology has triumphed logic.

And that's actually a pretty big part of Emma and Giacomo's romantic conflict; you won't get a lot of histrionics from these two, but everything Emma regards as logical and right— her dreams of becoming a doctor, her bodily autonomy, and even her being able to return to Toronto— has little to no meaning in the mafia world. And because of Giacomo's powerlessness in the past, he has no interest in relinquishing the power he has as a Don now, which is why the overarching plot centers around him trying to take back his power after being forced to marry Emma, and the retaliation that ensues. Ultimately, Emma and Giacomo have to reconcile these two distinct worldviews to be together.

Sidenote: in case you miss the rest of the Kings of Italy gang, don't worry; Frankie and Gia show up to support their sister and to remind us they're getting dicked down on the reg by wealthy, powerful (older) men, Enzo and Fausto are still trading insults like hissy kitties off-screen, and tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber (Vito and Massimo) make appearances as well.

The sex:

EXCELLENT. What I love about Mila Finelli sex scenes is that they will always deliver (complete with loads of Italian—and in this book Sicilian— dirty talk), and then toss in a few extra things you're thinking about long after you finish the book.

For one, Giacomo and Emma have a pretty hilarious start to their sexual relationship thanks to some questionable advice from Giacomo's cousin and his cook that amounts to "if you wanna make nice with her to get her preggo, you gotta make nice with her pussy first", which Giacomo takes quite literally. You have to appreciate a man who's trying, even if he responds to her "you're beautiful" with "I love your tits".

Also, if there's a breeding kink involved (and there is; if you couldn't tell by the summary, there absolutely is), cum-play/cum-eating feels like the natural progression of this kink, and Mila 100% delivers.

There is many a "moglie" and "marito" in this book which I personally love (and many a "sporcacciona" because they can't be all sweet).

There is a also good amount of ball play (and Giacomo pondering on the sad lack of love they get lolol), and I mention this because the specific moment from this book that lives rent-free in my head involves said act during a shower blowjob, AND it ties into their breeding kink. Brava.

Overall:

This is a sexy and satisfying (and just really fun) end to the Kings of Italy series. I don't think the book is very dark, but it definitely has all the hallmarks of a mafia romance and I'd absolutely recommend it to anyone who is even remotely interested in this subgenre.

Thank you to Mila Finelli and Valentine PR for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.

[pumsavic]

My dad is transphobic. Let me rephrase that; my dad is transPHOBIC. He is legitimately scared of trans folks because he was molested as a kid by a trans person. He's gone to college, and he's studied anthropology, biology, and a few other things, but essentially he knows trans folks exist. He just hasn't ever been able to accept someone who's trans.

So when I initially came out, I was expecting a lot of hate... Fortunately my dad loves me more than he cares about his own trauma, so he tried. He keeps trying too :). He messes up a lot, but he hates bigots and idiots more than anyone, so I don't doubt anyone else misgendering me he'd put up a fight without a second thought.

I was talking about Easter and trans visibility day and how people are like upset because it coincidentally fell on the same day, even when it'll probably never do that again, and like his response was like "yea? Today is national ride a horse day, doctor's day and national pencil day. Why isn't anyone talking about how doctors shouldn't be holding pencils while riding horseback?" Joking about how it's dumb to be concerned over days.

He really tries. He dead names me quite a bit, but to be honest it's mostly just habitual and he always says he feels bad when he says it.

To paint a picture, he's a borderline redneck racist because he was raised by trump supporter rich people.

I just wanted to say that my dad is the goat.

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

finally have time to continue my rewatch, so on to episode 9

again another one of my favorites and the grassley duel is probably my favorite fight of the series tbh

worth noting that miorine doesnt seem bothered that shaddiq comes to check up on her. gotta wonder how often he'd swing by, though i think it's safe to say absolutely not often enough that he would show he actually gives a shit

ok idk how i didnt notice it in the op after so many times but that fuckin door is there again.... i'm just going to hyperfixate on this dumb gold door that probably doesn't mean anything besides being another nod to utena

lol it honestly kills me that under difference circumstances (aka if shaddiq didnt have his head so far up his ass), they really could have been good friends. instead his decision to stay relatively distant and put up his cunning business front results in miorine (rightly) not trusting him at all.

right before miorine challenges shaddiq, there's a real fast cut to him tightening his fist on the table and i gotta wonder how in the world he thought he'd be able to just talk this out after basically screwing miorine over like this and then trying to extort her lol. yea he was ready to have to duel if it came down to it, but like cmon man just be normal for once

god i wish we could've seen secelia just dig into lauda more lmao

i love that miorine knows how to play the stupid game all these people play just as well as all of them but god am i glad that at the end of it all she doesnt have to deal with any of this shit anymore

lol i really wanna know how no one had noticed nika having secret meetings and sending secret messages for months tbh like chuchu even makes a comment asking where nika is in the scene before this one so she probably just disappared at random times but anime logic lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

up until this moment when miorine tells shaddiq that he's just like everyone else in the group, did this guy think that anything he's done (or really, hasn't done) would have made miorine think differently?

the look on his face here as miorine stops him from entering her most sacred of spaces just really says it all. like he can't fathom that miorine legitimately does not think positively of him

this is definitely one of my favorite scenes from the whole series. just showcasing how highly suletta thinks of miorine. whereas miorine was upset suletta agreed to a duel with elan a few episodes back, suletta just never questions miorine challenging shaddiq

this has gotta be the moment shaddiq realizes suletta is a "rival" for miorine's heart, yea?

i know what you are, sabina

lol these dorks

lmao miorine, you're so ruthless

on a serious note, someone please write a random student from asticassia pov fic because like imagine seeing all this going on from some rando's pov. the benerit group princess who hates everyone and has been trying to fuck off as far as possible suddenly forms a business and now she's challenging people to duels????

imagine if vim had sucessfully murdered delling and he just left guel as bob the builder for the rest of his life. why in the hell did he have to go by bob lmao

omg did we all collectively forget that the second school shooting episode wasn't the first time she's done this?!

so glad our little tanuki calls this bozo out on this shit. all you had to do was be a normal human being lol

the funny thing about shaddiq's little monologue here is that it's all his feelings under the assumption that miorine would forever be trapped within the confines of the benerit group and the stupid game her dad made up. and yeah, i suppose in that respect, he's partially right... but if he knew miorine well at all and not some idealized version of her, he'd know she wants nothing to do with any of that

bless you, gjm for making this loser seem more unhinged just by choosing to translate onna as bitch lmao

even secelia and rouji are just like uhhhhhhh

oh this is real nice juxtaposed with episode 24's "i'm a selfish person"

be selfish all you want, little tanuki, you deserve it

aerial hitting permet score six is such an iconic shot lmao this episode and this part specifically gave me goosebumps like a little loser the first time i saw it as the witch from mercury song starts playing

omg i am so excited that i preordered a permet score six aerial from p-bandai lmao look at her shes so cool all in blue

same, prospera, same

will never forget how happy i was when the till-chuchu headshot happens lmao, it still rules

i hope if gwitch ever gets a recap movie or movies that we get the moment miorine finds out about ericht and aerial. as aerial hits permet score six and suletta is talking to her, we see miorine visibly confused over suletta talking to her mobile suit... and i just really really want to see miorine's reaction to finding out about eri on top of her inner thoughts on suletta talking to aerial. like at first i'm sure she thought it was some quirky thing especially calling it her sister, but it's gotta be something she was like wtf about, right?

made it to image limit so no more pics but one thing that's respectable about shaddiq is him realizing at the end of this episode that there really is something special between miorine and suletta even if perhaps at this point the two of them haven't outright acknowledged it. we see him acknowledge in ep 7 that miorine is becoming a better version of herself from suletta's influence on her, but him bringing up dueling for her hand in marriage, to me at least, is him hanging up his towel when it comes to miorine because he realized suletta really won her heart over - he literally says "maybe you'd have let me in [to the greenhouse]"

lmao i really tried to not go overboard with screenshots but oh well

lets see if i can finish cour 1 tomorrow

[manofmanymons]

might i be so bold as to ask for ship hcs

I'm assuming this is about Survive specifically

And here's how I'm gonna do this

I'm just gonna write 2-3 hcs for EVERY ship that I know exists in this fandom regardless of whether or not I ship it

IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER:

Takuma x Kaito

Kaito's legitimate first reaction to realizing he liked Takuma was "SHIT, WHY?" He lost all sense of how to talk to him like "normal" and could hardly get through a single conversation without getting flustered and panicky. Literally the worst thing to ever happen to him as far as he was concerned at the time.

They hardly act like a couple in public but damn are they clingy in private. Kaito's like a cat that will lie on top of whatever you're reading (or smash something) if Takuma isn't paying attention to him.

100% of PDA when it does happen is a direct result of Takuma being a bully. Kaito will be mad at him for the rest of the day, but that never stops him.

Takuma x Minoru

They're that couple that was dating for a year before they realized they were dating bc falling in love came super naturally and happened really slowly over time.

Rather than any form of actual confession, one day Minoru was just like "Hey, are we like...boyfriends?" and Takuma said yes.

They have matching bracelets.

Takuma x Aoi

Their friends joke about Aoi being out of Takuma's league.

They act the most like an embarrassing high school romcom couple, constantly flustered and unsure of how to approach the other.

Takuma continues to somehow accidentally forget that Aoi is a girl sometimes and ruins moments with very Dumb Boy remarks. Thankfully, she finds this endearing rather than annoying.

Aoi x Saki

Of all couples, they're the one that would take the longest to get together. Between Aoi's general anxiety and Saki's fear of losing friends, Labramon and Floramon practically had to force them to confess.

Saki often has to reassure Aoi that she really does like her and wouldn't change her for the world.

To that end, Saki likes bragging about Aoi. A lot. It's kind of annoying (affectionate).

Aoi x Kaito

They both help each other to be more like the other. Aoi needs to be more assertive, Kaito needs to communicate better, and they're both very patient in helping each other work through their hang ups.

They practice hairstyles on each other sometimes. One time Kaito gave Aoi a cute clip that he originally got for Miu before she started wearing that hat all the time and never had the heart to throw away. She treasures this.

Their friendship got off to a super rocky start, both thinking the other really didn't like them, but once they started getting along, they got really close really fast.

Aoi x Minoru

Take what I said about Takuma being dumb with girls and multiply it by 50.

A real opposites attract couple, Minoru's optimism and Aoi's groundedness balance each other out, and they're both better for it.

Minoru x Ryo

"He's so goddamn annoying." "So you don't like him?" "No wtf I love him." They're the couple that shocked all their friends when they got together because everyone legitimately thought Ryo couldn't stand Minoru.

One time Minoru felt guilty about always teasing his bf so much so he tried to dial it down, but all that accomplished was making Ryo think he did something wrong and get really upset. This mistake was never repeated.

Ryo is the jealous type bc Minoru gets along with too many people too well. He doesn't act on it, just kinda sulks and pouts. Minoru thinks it's cute.

Ryo x Shuuji

Funniest "how I fell in love" story ever. Shuuji's been down bad ever since the day Ryo decked him in the face.

It started as a one-sided crush, with Shuuji really admiring Ryo's strength and dedication to his partner. These feelings caused him to unconsciously seek Ryo out more often and keep trying to get to know him better, at which point Ryo started developing feelings of his own.

Their favorite thing about each other is how easy it is to talk about the ugly sides of themselves without feeling afraid or judged.

Miu x Saki

The more they got to know each other, the more they realized how much they have in common, until they eventually got really excited to spent time together.

All masks are off together, and they make each other feel safer in being their true selves than they ever thought they could be.

One time Saki had a calm and honest talk with Kaito about why he needs to leave Miu alone more often, and it actually helped. If Miu wasn't enamored before, she sure was then.

[selamat-linting]

living after experiencing sa is so weird like, the same piece of writing about assault could do nothing or it could send me into a week long spiral and its just a matter of dumb luck or pure chance that determines my brains' reaction to it. i've had moments where im legitimately triggered in the middle of re-reading something i actually enjoy as porn. over the years i figured it was because i had small triggers that are abstract or wasnt easily noticeable or doesnt feel like anything until its in the spesific context of sa. like being trapped in an enclosed space with strangers, begging to be sent home, being deceived, having your preferences and interests weaponized against you, the really lonely and painful walk home afterwards where no one comes to save you but maybe its better off this way since you dont want to be seen, those are things im particularly sensitive with. for example, a few years ago i got really messed up about this anecdote of a kid who got kidnapped by a neighbor for a few hours. he offered to see his cat and then lock them up in a room while theyre playing with said kittens. nothing actually happens but that made me legit depressed for a few days. while im fine talking with my friend about an incident where she got followed by a creepy guy who groped her while she's walking home. both situations are horrifying and bad ofc, but i cant exactly communicate or find an easy way to filter out the bad. like, i can handle hearing the graphic details, the bare bones account of what happens, but if it touches on how the victim was tricked or deceived or gets taken advantage of, even when its basically the least upsetting part, i just couldnt do it.

idk, maybe its because my experience was more in the mental stuff. yeah sure, it was only some groping, an almost kiss, and some sex talk. but the context was that i asked for help, someone friendly comes along, they say theyre just helping me but turns out they actually have ulterior motives. i was stuck in a car for hours to god knows where, fully knowing i was gonna get raped when the car eventually stops, trying to plead or at least delay it with someone i thought was a friend without being too harsh because i know they could do even worse things if i drop this thin veneer of friendliness we got going on. and all the while this asshole kept touching me in spots i didnt even realize was a sensitive place for me and i had to keep a straight face the whole time because if they see a hint that i liked it, its over. did i like though? yeah. do i want it? fuck no. never in a million years. and i felt betrayed because im supposed to have that moment of discovery with a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it was supposed to be nice and comforting but its not. and i might associate gentle touches with this forever. and there's also a part of me that said, hey somebody wants me. dont you want to be wanted? i might as well enjoy it because no one's gonna offer me hot car sex like this. i should try to get myself wet! this is a new experience that i should just see the bright side of. im supposed to be a kinky slut right? i just turned 20. and after all, i promised myself, after the first time i had my sa as a kid, the next time it happens im gonna fight. and what am i doing right now? i'm just running my mouth. im laughing at my soon to be rapists' joke and i tell him we should meet up later instead of doing everything right now since i had work later in the day. this isnt fighting, its bargaining. and all the while im wondering if i look pretty while im doing this. i hope i look pretty. im just wearing sweatshirt and pajama pants. this is sick, why do i want to look good while im sexually assaulted?

i never told this to anyone except a friend. but even she didnt get the whole account. she just know it happens. its the part that actually upsets me that i didnt tell her. the whole violated trust thing. and how dumb i am for instantly accepting help from an acquaintance i dont even know that well. and what happens after the car stops. all she knows is that when it stops, i pushed him off of me and i left the car and run.

to her it just seems like im valiantly fighting off an asshole. she didnt know that after i ran, a bunch of men saw me running. they asked me if i need help. they were kind. but i thought of the hassle of reporting to the police, being grilled with questions, have my entire behavior scrutinized, and my parents vacillating between unhelpful anger or chastising me for being so trusting and eventually isolating me because i cant be trusted to exist in a public space without being harassed and god i dont want to miss work today and theyre gonna ask why if i had to miss a day and theyre gonna know too. so obviously i shut up. i couldnt say anything. the fuck who assaulted me came, and get this, i went back to his car. i didnt sit next to him, i was sitting at the backseat, and he was angry and yelled at me the entire time while driving me back to the closest bus station. i didnt say anything, and i actually paid him money before leaving. i was a coward.

in hindsight, what happens after the next few month after that was just me trying to compensate for the shame and utter incompetence i felt. i thought i was good at being confrontational and assertive, but when it actually matters, i cant speak. it was awful. i mean, it was a moment of self improvement, i did evolve from being an awkward self-important debate kid to an adult who relies on being good with persuading people for a living. im proud of that. but the feeling of helplessness still remains. im still afraid that when it happens again, i'd just clam up like usual. even though i already successfully fend off several people trying to fuck with me before anything that bad ever happens because im a hot saleswoman now. it felt weird calling myself a victim or a survivor because, it just happens. i didnt survive shit nor do i want to be a victim. i dont want to be pitied. and i dont want to be called brave or anything because im anything but.

except that everytime something reminds me of my sa incident, i kept having this urge to tell somebody, and i'd wrote a long paragraph detailing everything that happened including all of the uncomfortable details that didnt make me look good as a victim. and then i'd delete it before sending because its not good to tell your personal triggers online right? but i have no one i want to talk about this irl. and i cant imagine any well-meaning response that doesnt make me angry. i kept thinking about it. if anyone acknowledged this happens to me, i have no socially acceptable response. im not sure if anyone could understand or be sympathetic. i mean, imagine someone told you a grave secret about them and then they get angry and throw a tantrum when you say youre keeping their secret to the grave. youre in the right to be angry and confused at them. and its one thing to write a retrospective like this, and its another thing talk about it directly. i wouldnt be self aware to control myself. i'd just ruin another friendship because i got pissed off for no discernable reason.

i dont really know where im going with this. i think i just wanted to get this out of my system. its been what? three years? im sick of keeping that shit in. i think i just need to talk about it, sort of like a confessional before moving on for good. anyway, your usual shitposting will resume shortly. bye bitch!

[depressed-teacup-inc]

They really made Tikki carry this fucking show huh?

New episode I’m somewhat early let’s fucking go!

Ok what the actual fuck is wrong with Marinette? Like holy fucking shit imagine summoning a historical figure with an item made specifically for you to get advice from them for like serious shit, and you use it to ask her about your “crush” (I say “crush” because again, she doesn’t actually like chat noir, she likes how convenient he is and is doing to him what she did to Luka in throwing her emotions on him, LITERALLY EVEN THE SHOW SAID IS)

Anyways Adrien had barely any screentime, Gabriel is a housewife now I guess (I swear to god if they’re trying ti write off everything he did), and time travel is as convoluted as fucking ever! Like how didn’t Alix completely change the time space continuum by posing for Leonardo de Vinci? But whatever I guess!

Which speaking of alix… (I’m trying to make a transition to alix’s brother can you tell?)

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALIX’S BROTHER??? I swear to god the entire message they sent with this episode upset me so much!

So because some people were saying how they don’t like ladybug and she isn’t reliable and did a whole bunch of fucked up shit, the show decided “HEY LETS PUT THAT IN THE SHOW AND SAY HOW ALL THOSE PEOPLE ARE AKUMA SUPPORTERS THAT SPREAD PROPAGANDA AND THAT IF YOU DONT SUPPORT LADYBUG YOURE A PROPAGANDA SPREADER”

Like. Holy fucking shit I’m not the only one who thought that was condescending right?

The show really has this habit of addressing the criticisms fans have of the show in a really passive aggressive manner. With Marinette stalking Adrien, it’s how in the Lila episodes, everyone is either dumbed down, or Alya is telling marinette she’s obsessed and that Adrien is not an item (which is true) but it’s depicted as an awful thing because Alya is siding with Lila, and I hate it? So much?

The show wants to be like “look at us we’re addressing all the problems you had with the show really fast really sloppy” but then do it in a really passive aggressive way that makes the fan-service feel condescending

Like reverse love square? Yeah but marinette is kinda lying to make things easier for herself

Adrien saves the day? Only because he had the ladybug miraculous, without it he’s the love interest sidekick

Ladybug messing up and being selfish is legitimately bad and people should criticize her? Yeah but all the people that criticize her all evil social media people that want Monarch to win and spread propaganda, if you were a good person you would be rooting for whatever ladybug says.

It’s just… ugh.

Tikki is the one thing in this show that deserves a pay raise, and Marinette should maybe, just maybe, CONSIDER NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP! Like the option is right there and she’s like “no I have to be obsessed over a boy” YOU DONT

Anyways Joan of Arc was neat, loved how they addressed how messy politics and history get, and I hope she had her happy ending.

[thedawningofthehour]

🧿

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

I don't?

I take things way too personally. Somebody insulted this fic on tiktok the other week and I was way too upset about it. I mean, it was more than I was in a genuinely terrible headspace and was a pindrop away from crying for several days, (better now) but it was such a dumb thing to take seriously in the slightest. It wasn't even legitimate criticism, it was just some punk fifteen-year-old being a dick. I haven't gotten that worked up over flaming since people stil called that flaming.

I generally try to be logical about it. Success in this day and age is based much less on merit and more on luck and timing, so I know it doesn't say much about me. And especially with the content I write. Less so in this fandom because family is such a core theme, but in a lot of fandoms your work is going to get swept under the rug if there's no pairings in it. And I don't like writing romance, I tried writing a Zutara thing a million years ago and I could not bring myself to write more than a chapter and a half. (I never even shipped Zutara, I was 100% selling out)

But I'll be honest, it still does get me down. A lot of people have seemingly stopped reading doth and that does kind of hurt. I wouldn't really say I'm taking it personally because there's a bunch of reasons why they stopped besides me being terrible, but it makes me sad. I want the thing I have feelings about to give other people feelings. Infecting people with feelings is good for my enrichment.

[cherrydreamer]

(TW: The Billy/Karen thing, implied domestic violence) Billy doesn't know why he says it. Why he even mentioned it. Why he couldn't keep it in any longer. All he knows is that Karen Wheeler had made some passive aggressive remark to Joyce earlier that day, something about Jonathan being a 'quirky' choice for Nancy after Steve, and that Joyce hasn't stopped grumbling about it since.

“Quirky? I’ll show her quirky! Jonathan’s smart, and he’s kind and he’s got so much potential. That’s what she means. And that’s what Nancy likes.” and "How dare she say that about my boy? Jonathan's a good kid. He treats Nancy well. She should be happy they found each other!" and “Quirky? I can’t...I know exactly what she was trying to say. She thinks he’s not good enough. Well he’ll show her. My boy’s going to do such amazing things.”

And Billy's gets it. Kind of. He can see why Joyce is upset. But it still grates on him, the way she's so protective over Jonathan when he isn't even here to appreciate it; how she just won't shut up about it, even though Jonathan didn't even hear the comment and he probably wouldn't even be bothered by it if he did, and it's not like he can deny it, 'cause any idiot with eyes can see that of course Steve is the better choice- with that hair and those eyes and those chocolate chip moles everywhere and those jeans that fit just right and that smile that's like sunshine and a laugh that makes Billy want to laugh along too. How would anyone not choose him? Who would be dumb enough to ever trade that away? Who wouldn't want Steve?

Billy's not gonna think too hard on that. Not right now.

But Joyce keeps on bringing it up. She just won't stop ranting on about her perfect son and how wonderful he is and how proud she is of him and how she's so angry- actually, legitimately driven to fury- just because someone dared to say a bad word about her kid. Just words.  Words Jonathan didn't even hear. Words he'll never hear, because Joyce is dead set on protecting him from any tiny, little, insignificant thing that might hurt his fucking feelings. Because he's her boy.

And it all builds and builds. All of it bubbling up inside of Billy, all the frustration and longing and petty jealousy churning inside him until it all comes out, sour and acidic on his tongue,   "Yeah, well, least you don't have to worry about her wanting to fuck him."

He doesn't shout it. Doesn't even raise his voice. He just mutters it under his breath, more of a hiss than anything, but somehow it's enough that Joyce freezes at the sink, arms still submerged in the soapy water, and then turns to look at him, eyes wide with shock.

"What do you mean?" Joyce asks, "Billy?"

She grimaces, "What…huh…why? Why would you say that? That's not funny."

"No." Billy suddenly feels small. The churning in his gut is still there, but now it's mixing with a prickly surge of shame, "No, I know…I don't…I shouldn't have said-"

He's shaking. His voice is weird. Watery. Thick. And the words feel sticky and heavy as they push past the lump in his throat.

"Billy?" Joyce is coming over now, wiping her sudsy hands on her jeans, "Honey? What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. It was…bad joke. Just a really bad joke. I'm sorry."

"No," Joyce shakes her head, kneeling down beside Billy's chair, "No, honey, it's OK. But is there… Billy? Is there something you want to tell me?" 

No. 

The answer comes without thinking. Billy doesn't want to say anything, not really.  But, then again, he knows Joyce. He's told her things before, things he never told anyone. And she helped with those. Made him feel better. Less alone. Less wrong.

So maybe. Yes. 

"Mrs. Wheeler," he manages, "She, uh, before everything…" Billy ducks his head, feeling almost sick with the revelation,  "We were, uh…she wanted…" He can't think of any other way to say it. There's no point trying to dress it up in anything it isn't. "I was going to…to sleep with her."

And if he wasn't feeling so panicked, Billy might've laughed at the look of horror on Joyce's face, the way her eyes go wide and her jaw drops. The way she gasps, hands flying up to her face like some shitty actress in a terrible soap opera before turning to Hopper to gauge his reaction, "Hopper?" 

"Karen Wheeler, huh?" Hop lets out a wry chuckle, raising his can of beer in Billy's direction, "Nice work, son." He hums appreciatively but his smile drops as soon as he sees the fury on Joyce's face. 

"What?" He tries to argue, holding up his hands, "She's a good looking woman, Joyce. I've got eyes, OK? The kid did good. You don't have to be-"

"She's a grown woman," Joyce's voice is low. Dangerous. It's the angriest Billy's heard her and it puts him on edge, "An adult. And Billy’s a kid. It's like if you started sniffing around after Nancy. Or if Ted got his hands all over Jane."

Hopper flinches at that, then his face goes hard, "Don't say that," he hisses. 

"Why not?” Joyce stands up and gives an exaggerated shrug, “It's the same thing, isn’t it? Or would you be happier if he waited until after her senior prom?"

"That's enough, Joyce," Hopper warns, and Billy can see the set of his jaw. The red flush working its way up his face.  He hears the sound of the beer can crumpling underneath Hopper's fingers.  Billy stops breathing. He silently wills Joyce to stop talking. To listen. To finally shut up. 

But he knows Joyce, so he isn't surprised when she doesn't. 

"What about her eighteenth birthday?" Joyce says casually, waving a hand in the air, "Would that be better? It's legal, that's all that matters, right? And he's a good guy with a good job, after all." Her tone turns bitter again. "Would you say 'nice work' to Jane too?"

"I said that's enough!"

Hopper's hand thumps on the table, sending the beer can flying, and Billy flies up from his seat, knocking his chair back in his haste to round the table and put himself directly in between Jim and Joyce. He's alert now, tracking Hopper's every movement, eyes flicking between his expression and his clenched fist.

He widens his stance, feet planted firmly. His own hands curl tightly, 

"No," Billy growls. His heart is hammering fit to burst, and he knows he's shaking like a leaf, but he stares Hopper down regardless, "No. No. You don't touch her. You won't hurt her. I started this, it's my fault."  

Behind him, Joyce is saying something, but Billy doesn't turn around. He doesn’t even move when he feels Joyce’s hand on his arm, gently trying to pull him back. "Oh, Billy, oh no." Joyce whispers. She sounds pained and then her voice turns quiet and gentle, lacking any trace of the venom from before, “You don’t have to do that, honey. That’s not what's happening. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah,” Hopper mutters gruffly, “Sorry, kid. I wasn't thinking. And I get it now. Karen, she, uh, she shouldn't have done that. Gone along with it or whatever. It wasn't right." 

The tension hasn't exactly diffused, but Hopper's hand is unclenched now, so Billy walks past him, keeping his distance, and goes to finish washing the dishes that Joyce left soaking in the sink.

He hears Hopper mumbling something, an excuse, and then he hears him leave, and a moment later Joyce appears back by Billy's side, wringing a damp dish towel in her hands. For a while neither of them say anything. They work together, Billy washes and Joyce dries, stacking the plates haphazardly on the side, and there's no sound but the splash of water and the clack of crockery to fill the air.  And then Billy starts to talk.  And he tells Joyce everything. 

  ***  Billy should've known it would happen eventually. He knows Karen has started coming around more, wheedling Joyce about Jonathan and his future plans and whether there's been any hint of wedding bells and whether he knows that it's customary to ask Nancy's father before he proposes and how would Joyce feel about a church wedding, because of the divorce and- 

That's normally when Joyce changes the subject. But Billy knew that  this time would be different. That Joyce wouldn't play along with all the small talk with a fake smile on her face and an equally fake little laugh. He knows Joyce. He knows she's going to say something about…it. About him. And he also knows that he shouldn't be listening. But he can't help it. 

Because Joyce's voice is low, but the fury in it carries through the walls, and if Billy had thought that Joyce sounded dangerous before, it's nothing compared to this. He can't quite catch all she's saying, but he picks up a few things, key phrases ringing in his ear like,

"You're old enough to be his mother."  and "He's practically a kid, Karen. He's Nancy's age." and "It doesn't matter what he did. Or what he said. You should know better." and "You were wrong."

Despite what he's expecting, Billy doesn't hear Joyce say a single bad word about him. All of her fury, her disgust, her condemnation is aimed squarely at Karen, and Billy creeps out of his room in time to see Karen seemingly wilting with the force of it, backing away from Joyce until she's standing in the doorway. And then Joyce delivers her final blow.

"You stay away from my boy, Karen Wheeler." 

Karen opens her mouth to reply, but Joyce slams the door in her face, startling a little when she turns and spots Billy standing awkwardly in the hall. 

"Oh, hey there," she smiles, but Billy can see the way her hands are trembling, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were there. You OK? Should I make a start on lunch? Or maybe coffee? Coffee would be good, right? I should make some-"

"I'm your…?" Billy steps forward, trying to cut her off, stop her rambling, but his voice gives out. He almost daren't say it. But he wants to know. To be sure. He swallows and tries once more. "I'm your boy?" 

His voice cracks on the last word and it takes Joyce a moment to understand what he means, but Billy sees the moment it dawns on her. The very second she remembers her words to Karen. Her strained smile grows into a big, bright one, so warm and full of love, and Billy finds himself being wrapped in her arms and surrounded by her love, 

"Of course, sweetie. Yes of course you are. My boy. And I always look out for my boys."

[biillyhargroves]

Having feelings about Steve and feeling incompetent and also his sirviro's guilt tonight care to join me *offers beverage of choice*

Oh, I will most certainly take this bait.

The thing about Steve is that we are constantly led to believe that he’s…kind of a goof? After we get over the hump of douche!Steve in season one, he’s presented as this sweet-but-dopey, thank-god-he’s-pretty sort of character. He struggles with academics — has a hard time writing his college essay, wasn’t admitted into any of the schools he applied to. He’s a little slow on the uptake and struggles to keep up with faster paced conversations (the “clock-maker” dialogue at the Creel house and not following Max’s vampire metaphor are good examples). He’s also ridiculed for these things by people who are meant to love and support him. His parents don’t seem to give him any form of academic help and deem him lazy and ungrateful when he fails to get into college. Dustin is constantly sarcastic with him and even dismisses Steve’s legitimate and helpful observations, like when Steve noticed the music in the background of the Russian transmission. Even his perfectly legitimate sports metaphors, which he likely uses because he doesn’t have a frame of reference for the kids’ D&D analogies but knows sports like the back of his hand, are dismissed and played off as “dumb jock” behavior by others. The only person we ever see actually encouraging and taking the time to help Steve is Nancy, but that’s neither here nor there. I have a whole post about Steve’s book smarts vs street smarts, which is honestly the basis of his feelings of inadequacy.

Steve is constantly told that he is not smart. This is reiterated to him again, and again, and again. He also struggles in other areas of his life as he gets older. We see this most in his failed attempts at romance. He feels like he was a bad boyfriend to Nancy, really seems to internalize that. He can’t get a single date despite flirting with just about every Scoops Ahoy customer he can. When he does start getting dates, they’re all duds. So, here’s this young guy, he feels like he’s dumb and unlovable, like he’s just a screw-up.

But what is he good at? What does he know, without a shadow of a doubt, that’s he’s good at? Caring for other people.

This is the boy who ran back into the house with the flickering lights and scary monster, even though he did have reason to be upset with both Nancy and Jonathan (he had no way of knowing, at that point, that no cheating had taken place). He ran back in even though Nancy and Jonathan told him to leave. He had a clear out and he decided to run toward the fire.

That energy is carried over into his season two team-up with Dustin and the kids. He jumps right into battle, making sure that the kids were safe and single-handedly taking on a demodog so that they wouldn’t be put at risk. He’s the one who goes out to meet Billy because he knows that Max is scared, puts himself in the line of fire to protect a girl he barely knows. Whenever the group has to do something dangerous, Steve makes sure that he is in the one in the most vulnerable position, either diving in first so that he is first one to be exposed to the risk or sticking toward the back so that he can see and act if/when something goes wrong. He’s the one who dives into the lake to look for the gate. He’s the one making sure that everyone else gets out if the Upside Down and into the safety of Eddie’s trailer before he even thinks of saving himself and he’s the first one to go back in when they set their kill Vecna plan in motion.

Steve’s superpower is his selflessness, his fierce desire to protect those around him. He will always put others before himself, and I think that is the root of his survivor’s guilt as well. He’s finally found something that he feels confident he’s good at, but despite his best efforts other people still get hurt. Steve feels like he failed at his one useful skill, his one talent, and maybe to him that means he’s not even really good at that, that he’s been fooling himself. I think his feelings of incompetency are at play here, too. He feels like everyone around him is somehow smarter and better than he is, that if anyone should have to die it should be him because he seems himself as less valuable than his friends, which is only going to make the loss and grief hit harder because what he likely wants, above all else, is to take their place, to sacrifice himself so that they can live. It’s…truly heartbreaking, when you break it all down.