#i want ALL THE STAGES
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
doylist explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: probably something about space constraints and making sure two sprites in one seat aren't covering anyone else when they're not in focus
watsonian explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: he snuck in and is hiding from the teachers, don't give him away 🤫
(I've reached my limit of unsuccessful attempts at pulling them before I need to save keys for Halloween, so I've been living vicariously through youtube videos...but the fact that Gidel just pops up from under the desk to wave his arms around happily is really testing my resolve. D: I'm gonna die when they finally get to do alchemy...)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#i hope you didn't think i was done with these dorks#they're here to study and also steal everything (including our hearts)#i forget if rollo has a similar line about what he's doing at nrc but i imagine he made sure it was all meticulously above-board#carefully planned out and all his papers in precise order#meanwhile fellow kicks down the door and is like 'what up birdman i'm here to learn some HISTORY'#'also this is my emotional support child. ...wait what do you mean you have precedent for this'#(he does have another home screen line that's like)#('i thought ortho was weird when i met him')#('but now i'm realizing that this school is actually just incredibly buckwild all the time')#sigh. i know fellow and gidel's adventures at nrc are non-canon but i really just want this random adult man inexplicably just there.#the more twst becomes cromartie high the happier i am
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
When I say I enjoy content focusing on a specific doctorriver dynamic, I’m not saying I like one dynamic over the next. Because I don’t. 10, 11, 12, they’re all the same person at different stages of their life. Consequently, shipping the Doctor and River is like reading the most beautiful, devastating trilogy. Each book holds a different arc of their story.
When I say I want more 10River, I mean I want to see when the sparks began to fly. I want to place under a microscope the moment that burning ember of curiosity morphed into genuine friendship and intellectual and (begrudging) physical attraction. I want to listen and read of their adventures and watch how the Doctor begins to see River as a person in her own light. Not as the dead companion of future him, but the radiant, funny archaeologist he now dares call friend.
And when I say give me 11River, I mean I want to immerse myself in the early and middle stages of their marriage, the good, the bad, the rough, the smooth, as they, like many newly wedded couples, wrestle in their early years to learn how to make this marriage w o r k. I want jealous Doctor, I want the Doctor who caves to his desires and kisses River back as if she’s the only oxygen left on the moon. I want to cackle with glee as the Doctor abandons the idea of ever running away from her because it’s already too late to run. He started falling a long time ago.
And when I say pile on the 12River, I mean I want to see the latter years of their marriage, when they act like that couple that’s been married for 50+ years who says they’ve finally figured out the key to marriage because THEY HAVE. They went through hell, through darkest pits of marriage, through the miscommunications and misaligned expectations, and made it through to the other side. Instead of trying to paper the cracks, they smoothed out the rough t o g e t h e r. They relinquished every survival instinct and exposed their jugulars, their deepest fears and pains, and let themselves be completely naked and vulnerable with the other. They finally did what 10 asked River to do all those centuries ago in the library… they stayed with each other.
#doctor who#the doctor and river#ten and river#eleven and river#twelve and river#the doctor#river song#yes a thousand times yes#this is so beautifully written#i do love what we got to see onscreen#and like matt smith and alex kingston especially just had some *chef's kiss* chemistry#but i will never be over the disappointment of not seeing them fall in love#and like WHY they were meant for each other#rather than the 'yeah it was destined here it is'#but equally if not MORE beautiful is seeing a couple figure things out together#i want ALL THE STAGES#and like bless you OP for articulating it all!!#user nobleriver
237 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you finally see me?
#LOTUS ALIEN STAGE ART FINALLY WHO CHEERED ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️#i cried so hard coloring this im never doing cool colors again this hurt me more than round 6#i listened to cure and i want you on like a six hour loop while drawing this i fear i'm not ok#oh also i have no idea what till's supposed to look like bc i couldn't be bothered to pull up a ref so if that doesn't look like him my b#all i know is his hair is gray and that's about it 💀💀💀💀💀#anyway mmm doomed by the narrative unrequited yaoi you KNOW i'm devouring that up#so glad they're reunited in heaven finally ♥️#luka next!! (i want his ass DEAD.)#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#alnst till#ivantill#round 6#vivinos#lotus draws
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU#I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track)#The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more.#I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by#and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles!#Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise!#I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space.#It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is#You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together:#I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper.#I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything.#You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there.#Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite.#day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less:#'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all)#This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly.#(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.
yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.
right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.
the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.
these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.
it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.
we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.
secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)
whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.
they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")
and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."
i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.
one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.
i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.
#i can't believe i have to say this#the conservative party is legit like ''is it anything good? okay we hate it.''#''lets kill lgbt people and ummmmm school children shouldnt be able to read they should be at home watching jordan peterson :)"#the fact that it's like all related is. wild.#like it's wild bc if u start being like. actually making it impossible to afford housing is part of how they keep the nuclear family.....#it's just like lines connecting to lines. EXCEPT ITS OBVIOUS?#what's wild to me about most conspiracy theorists is that they're like . ohhhh the govt is hiding shit!!!!!!! they don't want u to know!!!#and im like. this old man literally got up on stage and said he hates public education and will let our kids die before taking away ak-47s#and ppl are like: lol thats just bob's sense of humor he didn't mean it literally uwu
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Wxs, the sillies, the goofies, the goobers
wxsloids below cut
#I want to comment on this. I desperately do... but head empty :( sorgi :(#next one will be mmj! Featuring more illustrations...and longer delays (finishing that batch before new years would be my christmas miracle#not like my postrate will stagnate lmao. This critter draws everyday all day!#art#my art#prsk#project sekai#prsk wof au#hatsune miku colorful stage#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#wof#wings of fire#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#rui kamishiro#kamishiro rui#emu otori#otori emu#nene kusanagi#kusanagi nene
649 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some ALNST Pocas I made for a recently finished con!!
#HS AU bc i’m a pussy and I want them all alive#alien stage#alnst#hyuna#luka#mizi#sua#till#ivan#alien stage fanart#alnst fanart#mizisua#ivantill#hyuka#is that their shipname???#wanko art
570 notes
·
View notes
Text
This parallel this parallel this parallel, it's cute how surprised Sua looks when people are affectionate with her, but I wonder if Ivan ever reminded Sua of her sister at times with the way he treated her, sometimes being reminiscent of how she used to be treated by her sister, and the cruelty was just as familiar(?)
#brain vomit aurhhghhfhhfhghhg *explodes*#ivansua sibling agenda got to me#alien stage#alnst#but i do wonder#ivan and that woman are probably the only real sibling figures she's ever had even if she doesnt want to acknowledge it#but her siblings are so mean to her hnnn#and in the way that the the cruelty was supposed to be helpful and they both have a creepyish side to them even though theyre gentle#could be a penny of an explanation for why she's especially avoidant of him#other than the fact that he annoys her and all
495 notes
·
View notes
Text
this has a very good summary of everything that's been going on with wordpress if you haven't been keeping up with it, i'm going to copy/paste the list of Goings On from the table of contents to give you an idea:
I’m sorry, what happened?
Automattic approaches WP Engine to offer a “license”
Matt’s rejected, so he tries new strategies
Wait—what’s Matt’s actual deal? Why is he doing this?
Matt claims WP Engine is misrepresenting itself
Matt claims WP Engine is selling a “cheap knock-off” of WordPress
Matt says WP Engine doesn't give back enough
An aside on motivations and justifications
The WordCamp US fallout and Matt’s abuse of power
WP Engine’s reaction
Matt melts down
Matt goes nuclear
Updates: everything that’s happened since October 1st
Matt talks taking over WP Engine
Automattic releases the terms sheet, which kinda backfires
WP Engine files suit against Matt and Automattic
Matt offers buyouts to Automattic employees
159 Automattic employees take the buyout; Matt hires a famous lawyer who's a horrible human
Matt gleefully exposes a vulnerability in ACF, but prevents WPE from fixing it
Matt adds a vague anti-WP Engine checkbox to WordPress.org, but fails to clarify why, all while playing the victim
Matt commandeers ACF, using WordPress.org to steal a competitor's product
Previous lawsuits against Matt come to light
Matt responds to the 'other lawsuits'
Matt wars against dissenters with second buyout offer; threatens employees who speak out; intercepts employees' emails
WP Engine files an injunction to regain access to WordPress.org
#original#sorry about the italics but i didn't think i could blockquote and keep all the bullets#and wanted to make it clear this was all borrowed text#anyway. now i'm getting emails letting me know plugin updates won't come from wordpress servers anymore.#so that's the stage of community trust we're at lol
574 notes
·
View notes
Text
Recently finished TMA and I can’t get Micheal Hands out of my head
#my arte#returning from the dead 4 years later to podcast post#the magnus archives#The distortion#Micheal Shelley#Gerard Keay#Doorkeay#it’s implied#because I think about them all the time too#magma hates me and wants my quality to look like doo doo#I barely get past the sketch stage most of the time#so yippee#micheal the distortion#aka my prettiest princess#I love evil blonde men :heart emoji:
473 notes
·
View notes
Text
baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
714 notes
·
View notes
Text
HAPPY HALLOWEEN here's some seasonal guys! 🎃
#art#twisted wonderland#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#i got excited when they announced both gargoyle malleus(!!!) and more main story(!!!!!!) for november and i needed an outlet okay#(i will stop spamming posts eventually i promise)#and i'm still trying to master print and cut stickers so i figured i should actually like...do a Design#don't worry i'm not going to try and sell shit here i just want stickers of my boys. for me.#to put on all my things >:)#gonna stick 'em on a one dollah cumby's slushie just to be annoyingly self-referential
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
And here they all are!!! All the court cards + Jokers + card back I've done for my Polysho Poker Set (so far)!!!
This has been a huge project and I'm so so proud and happy with how they all turned out 🥹 here's to hoping I manage to finish the whole deck 🙏
#polysho poker set#THEYRE ALL TIGETHER AUYSHHHH LOOK ST THEM. LOOKKKK AT TTHEMMMM#so much work. but they look so good 🥹#theres several reasons for which i chose certain characters to be tgthr btw. if you care for looking for details#maybe ill make a post about all of that#kerizart#prsk#project sekai#project sekai colorful stage#prsk fa#prsk art#project sekai fanart#let me add a lot of tags. i worked hard on this. i want it to be seen#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#tenma tsukasa#emu ootori#kamishiro rui#kusanagi nene#wxs vocaloid#wxs kaito#wxs miku#wxs meiko#wxs luka#wxs len#wxs rin
420 notes
·
View notes
Text
hot take ??
the only reason people say that "mafuyu and tsukasa have nothing in common" when presented with mafukasa parallels is because they equate mafuyu and tsukasa being similar to "tsukasa has depression" because the fandom equates mafuyu's personality to being depressed and nothing else.
it doesn't help that people (primarily younger people in the fandom) who DO believe in mafukasa parallels end up making the mistake of portraying tsukasa as depressed because as of right now he is not (although it's possible he was in past because of his Very Unclear Middle School Backstory but that's irrelevant)
anyways, mafuyu and tsukasa are narrative foils because their core personalities are built off of the concept of wanting to make the people around them— especially their families— happy.
they both developed personalities at a young age based on someone they looked up to. for tsukasa, it was seiichi amami's performance that inspired him to be a star— a hero that could cheer anyone up. for mafuyu, it was her mother taking care of her that inspired her to be a nurse— and you can see the similarities from there.
for mafuyu, her identity would first come into conflict when her mother expressed her want for mafuyu to be a doctor— suddenly, "everyone's" happiness didn't match what she wanted to do, leaving her in a state of disorder and eventual depression.
for tsukasa, his identity was something he nearly forgot in its entirety at the start of the main story— becoming arrogant and fully absorbed in a hero persona, forgetting the kind person he truly is. furthermore, his current character arc seems to be foreshadowing that what "being a star" to him is going to be called into question— maybe it is something more than just being the main character that saves everyone.
their insecurities are incredibly similar.
in mafuyu's first mixed, mafuyu feels insecure towards ichika because unlike ichika, she feels as if her lyrics have no genuine meaning to be expressed to other people— despite them being her very real feelings. this is brought up again in her second mixed as well.
in tsukasa's third focus event, something similar happens. when watching seiichi's performance, he thinks that his acting is "real" and feels inferior towards him, which is ironic because tsukasa has been method acting this whole time. when tsukasa is acting out rio or bartlett or really anyone at this point in the story, it's not just those characters— it's a reflection of his traumas.
just like mafuyu, tsukasa undermines his passions he's poured his feelings into because someone else's work is more genuine in his eyes.
now, then, foils have many similarities and parallels (and i could honestly list a lot more), but how i define them is that they usually have some kind of major branching difference that MAKES them foils.
for mafuyu and tsukasa it's pretty straightforward.
mafuyu's people pleasing behavior comes from external expectations and pressures— her mother's demands.
tsukasa's people pleasing behavior comes internally, from himself— if he can't meet his own standards, if he can't be the perfect big brother or the perfect star, then he is nothing.
and even then, there's some overlap.
tsukasa's behavior was indirectly encouraged by his mother praising him for being a "good big brother" over the phone instead of asking him if he was okay while home alone.
mafuyu's terrified to be herself around other people because she doesn't want to worry or bother them— she doesn't want to be a burden— and projects her mother's expectations onto them, not realizing that they would prefer the real mafuyu if they knew the truth.
and the concept of mafukasa being foils is most perfectly and blatantly portrayed in these two cards.
mafuyu, the marionette, sitting limp on the floor— puppeteered by her mother's demands and donning a mask to hide her true self.
tsukasa, the jester, standing above everything else— puppeteering silenced plushies— his feelings. he's not being completely honest with himself, and he doesn't even realize it.
mafuyu has cut her strings and ripped her mask in half. she has acknowledged her true feelings and expressed them to her mother, even if she had to run away in the end.
tsukasa has not yet cut his.
#project sekai#colorful stage#prsk#tsukasa tenma#mafuyu asahina#mafukasa#theres also obvious ones im sure you all know. like how theyre the sole sekai creators#or their designs paralleling eachother (color schemes of their eyes and hair)#or how theyre both connected to the moon and bunnies#and how theyre connected by a piano with a moon design thats only shown up in mafuyus 2nd mixed and tsukasas 2nd mixed... where they had#their first mixed events together#or how they both easily overwork theirselves#or how theyre almost always projecting onto other people as if their experiences are the norm#ex: tsukasa with rui in wonder halloween and mafuyu with niigo in main story#I CAN GO ON ABOUT THIS FOR HOURS AS YOU CAN SEE .#EDIT: HERES SOME MORE THAT I DIDNT REMEMBER AT 12 AM LAST NIGHT#theyre both connected to apples! points at tsukasa in fixer 2dmv and points at mafuyu2#literally all of their vocaloids parallel eachother.#wxs and n25 miku have a childlike sense of curiosity#wxs and n25 rin are based off someone that isnt them for the most part (saki and ena)#wxs and n25 len are both anxious and pessimistic (in island panic... wxs len has a conflicting pov from meiko and wants wxs to just stay in#the sekai instead of being stuck out on an island... which is kinda escapist as hell)#wxs and n25 meiluka have conflicts that are very similar. n25 meiluka represents mafuyus inner conflict between isolating herself and#helping everyone because she didnt know what would be better#and wxs meiluka is the conflict between tsukasas ambition and his fatigue#which is why wxs meiko always acts like wxs luka is a burden whenever she falls asleep— tsukasa himself wont rest#not when he thinks it will burden other people#and wxs and n25 kaito are both driving forces in tsukasa and mafuyu accepting their true feelings#(although tsukasa is kinda not where mafuyu is yet i think you get what i mean)#EDIT: 5/22/24 I CANT ADD ANYMORE TAGS FUCK
692 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dungeon Meshi: Delicious in RPG!
(Sprites + bonus art here!)
#dungeon meshi#game dev diary#laios touden#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#senshi#Walking mushroom...more like watch where you are walking mushroom! Get blasted!#This was a tech & art demo to figure out how to make more dynamic battle portraits.#Unfortunately the coding has been a lot more difficult than anticipated...We couldn't show off what we wanted to!#I still learned a ton of new things that will going to make this project look even better!#Doing these tech demos with fan art has been extremely helpful becuase I can get through my messy learning stage-#-without having to redo a ton of assets because I found out that I needed to approach things a different way.#That said: I *will* be posting Original Content for these game dev diary posts fairly soon!#This is all to help me and my game dev partner experiment with RPG maker for our own game after all B*)#I'm really excited to share this project with you all! I have many funny comics about the characters from this game to share.
807 notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
5K notes
·
View notes