#i wanna write about eden

[multi-lefaiye]

i wanna write a massive epic story about eden in bg3 and his storyline

but ALSO i wanna write the slight spin-off idea i had that would absolutely be more emotionally impactful for people who already know eden as a character and have seen him in action.

[mx-metronome]

Meditations on Eden 1

Writing for the sake of writing. Eden spoilers under the cut (also it’s long, oops)

Imagine you are a star in the sky, having only known the indifferent twinkling of your distant siblings and the loud silence of the universe.

Now imagine that you fall from such a comforting nothingness, at a blazing speed, towards a solid something below. You’ve been pushed out of your cradle of Light & Song and into a land of coldness and chaotic noise.

Imagine that you’ve been born. Would you not be angry? Would you not feel betrayed that a caring Mother would do such a thing to you, to remove you from your comfort? Perhaps that is why babies cry. Perhaps that is why many moths so quickly abandon their journey.

You settle into the terrible noise, learning the sound of the waves crashing on a shore and the sensation of wind whistling past your ears, and then out of the senseless noise you hear the tolling of bells and feel the vibrations resonate through you. Imagine that the star at your core trembles in response: it sounds like Her beckoning you back home.

All the while, you think, Why cast me out from the stars if only to call me back home again? What purpose does this serve? And yet She calls; and yet you trust Her.

So you follow.

You are told that all is given breath by starlight. Was I not breathing before?

You continue to follow Her voice.

Imagine that time passes, and existence becomes more bearable.

You find other fallen stars like you, other Children of the Light. Some are much taller, some much shorter, many in all shapes and colors adorning their vessels.

They sing songs of the Eye of Eden, the place of salvation, where Her Warmth proves itself true to those who have fallen to darkness. Have I fallen to darkness? Did she send me into this darkness, or was I dragged down by force?

The children gesture towards the Mountain crowned with a halo that She had been calling you to, an intense light extending from the summit back to the stars. That is where She is, She will save me and bring me home when I get there.

The children urge you to collect winged light, for these are the key to salvation. They caution that the Darkness wishes to reclaim these and that you must keep them safe. I will take these wings to Her to gain her favor.

So you continue to follow Her voice.

You pass through troubled lands devoid of the creatures’ songs, replaced instead by heavy air and the dead ground. Large creatures of not-Light swim through the thick air in endless circles, hunting for Her essences. They seek your winged light, your tickets home. You guard them jealously as you slip past, you refuse to give them up.

You ascend a mighty tower, full of graves and old stories and the dangers of hubris and ambition. The dreamlike void swirling with particles of light make you feel the closest to home you’ve ever been. These wings will surely be enough to get me home.

You continue to follow Her voice.

She leads you to the base of the Mountain, the Holy Site, irradiated with darkness, clouded in ash. Surely this must be a mistake? This doesn’t look like salvation at all!

And yet, in all your doubt, She calls; and yet, in all your apprehension, you trust Her. You continue to follow Her voice.

You scale this peak, cloaked in a storm of stones, patrolled by more of these dark creatures. You make a dash towards the open hallway, where She is calling from. You want to trust Her.

A gust of wind pushes you backward just a few inches, and your foot slips. Enough lost momentum for a torrent of rocks to pelt you, knocking you to your back. Helplessly you watch as the winged light that would surely bring you home scatter to the winds, dwindling and then fading to nothing, like candlelights in a hurricane.

Why? Why did She bring me here? This place is only pain, only anger. She couldn’t possibly dwell in a place like this, a place of absolute darkness. How could I possibly trust Her?

And yet, She calls.

You crawl between flung rocks and dragons’ eyesight towards Her voice, the loudest it’s ever been. You have no choice but to trust Her.

As you enter the hallway littered with winged light, you wonder if this is the salvation the children meant, the ultimate reward for your troubles. But it isn’t home. She beckons you further inward, Her sound is almost deafening now.

You hesitate a moment before continuing to follow Her voice.

You follow the voice into the Eye of Eden, the place of salvation.

~~

A crystal of darkness so intense that it’s poisoned the land for miles around it.

A shattered palace whose tile floors are now strewn with the petrified corpses of children who came before you.

Imagine that She has brought you here to a place reeking of death, dissonant with the scraping of stone against stone.

A place that children sang about.

Now imagine, right then, that you can’t hear Her voice anymore. You call out, just in case you’re missing something, but you feel no response.

Would you not be angry? Would you not feel betrayed that a caring Mother would do such a thing to you, to lead you to the place where you’d die again with no further explanation? Was falling away from the warm stars not enough?? You tried your best, you brought the light here, you did as you were told. Why couldn’t you be saved? Why isn’t She here???

You let out your anger and pain in a fiery scream, but the red crystal screams louder. You feel the darkness begin to slow you down and the threads holding the winged light to you begin to fray. Resigning to your arrogance and greed for answers, you step out into the downpour of rocks and kneel before the nearest stone child.

As you succumb to the intense darkness, you feel your remaining winged light tugging you, as though it were reaching for the fallen child. Reluctantly, you cradle one of your precious light in your hands and place it against the statue. Immediately, a golden light peeks through the cracks in their stone skin as the winged light combines with the child’s soul. You see your winged light count fall by 1.

They sing songs of the Eye of Eden…

You understand.

…the place of salvation…

You cannot save yourself. That is not why She brought you here.

…where Her Warmth proves itself true to those who have fallen to darkness.

The winged light was never yours to keep. Your salvation was never yours to claim. Love was never meant to be taken.

Realizing that time is short and your light is waning, you arise to your feet one final time and trudge through the storm and the sludge, reaching out and touching the damned with the light you had protected all this time. One by one, the winged light shine gold through the cracks in the stone like an ore vein, and the rocks begin to rain harder, as though the Darkness is punishing you for daring to be selfless in this final act.

As you reach out to the furthest sky kids in the darkest places, you feel the polluted water burn the soles of your feet, the pointed stones in your lungs. Your winged light reserves grow emptier and emptier, and the darkness begins to seep into your eyes and your joints and your heart.

As a loose stone clobbers the back of your head, your last winged light violently tears away from you, shattering instantly against the intense radiation. With your core now devoid of light and your soul emptied of all your achievements, you feel the darkness coat your body like a thick skin. The vessel you took on becomes heavy and movements laborious. The searing pain is unbearable.

You feel so hot, like your body is burning away, and as your heartbeat slows to a crawl, you grow cold. Is this the salvation? Will I spend eternity in a void?

What will become of them?

And as you exhale your last breath, the cold dissipates, and you feel nothing.

It is almost like falling asleep.

~~

It is almost like waking up.

Imagine you were a star in the sky, having only known the indifferent twinkling of your distant siblings and the loud silence of the universe.

Except now that twinkling is far gone, and the silence is even louder. You left your nonexistence and fell into existence. You left your cradle, learned to point, learned to charm the butterflies, learned to laugh, learned to cry, learned to dance, learned to fear, learned to pray.

And in your final moments of existence, you learned to love. Truly, wholly, and with wild abandon, even without the guarantee that it would benefit you somehow in the end.

Yes, another child comes along on the same pilgrimage and saves you too. You’re reborn, you get to reenter the world you’ve come to love again. But that’s not necessarily what this story is about.

Imagine that She is you. Imagine that you are Her. You are Her Warmth, Her Salvation made manifest, Her Guiding Light. You are the Voice that She led you along, and you are Her Kindness.

When the children sang the songs of the Eye of Eden, they were singing about Her, and they were singing about each other, and they were also singing about You.

[xxri]

tell us abt ur prsk unit....

it seems i ahve been found by prsk oc tumblr helloo. girl band with something very wrong. more under the cut i guess

helloo.... garden of eden posting.... vkei band that mostly plays vocarock and metal (i dont really know specific genres Heart emoji.) very much inspired by leia by yuyoyuppe I LOVE LEIA.

they don't really shoot for a huge goal like the other units they are all learning to love playing music for themselves and not for fame or whatever. they play together just for the sake of it ^_^ ive posted everyones profiles but here are their ref sheets

they have a cover song list here ^_^ (many of these would be rearranged but do u see my vision....)

and voice claims . i kind of designed all four of them with the singers in mind i am a #Big fan of all of them. ruri, tsubaki, kanna, sumire

also vaguely inspired by musicians i like ... i wanted there to be more obvious references in their unit outfits but i guess i can do that for card sets (if i ever design any)

as for story ......... idrk how to summarize their story on a surface level WHAHA . ruri is a vocaP and recruits the others to form a band for fun. tsubaki is her childhood friend, sumire is a huge fan of her music and brings kanna along (BAD IDEA) 99% of the problems in the band are caused by kanna arguing with everyone over nothing

at first the focus is on tsubaki and the others helping her search for her true passion before she graduates. she joins the band to spend time with ruri, she doesn't actually gaf about music (she doesnt gaf about anything) but slowly learns to love it and enjoy being in the band.

everyone else has their arcs, kanna is very annoying and pretentious and wants to be popular while the other three are like "hey man. maybe being in a band isnt all about fame ^_^;;" sumire is a total beginner at music and is seen as "weird" but finds friends who accept her, ruri arc happens much later cuz everyone else is just learning things she already knew. but she learns to be more honest with everyone.

basically they all join for superficial reasons and eventually learn to really truly love music ^_^ also the sekai is haunted mansion ish and the vocaloids are all ghosts Here is miku and flower probably. i am very indecisive on how they will look

ermmmm Idk what else to post. relationship chart and ruri and sumire instrument models (Ruri stolen from toko kirigaya #I LOVE MORFONICA!!!!!!) idk anything about drums or violin models so they just get whatever. their main motif is flowers i guess but they're not very flowery that's mostly just ruri's influence being a big flower fan. ok i will not make this post longer than it needs to be Thank you for asking i love my daughters ^_^

[hooffuloftootsierolls]

*Me, listening to Bruno Is Orange* This too, is adamsapple-coded

[lunaetis]

[ this is an official semi-hiatus notice bc i think this week and upcoming week or two would be really demanding work-wise. i'm sure you guys can already notice the activity drop & lack of ic content on my end. work & stress had affected my writing mood & i hope to remedy that after the workload lighten a little in a week or two ! sorry for the delay & thank you for understanding ! ]

[zorphie]

this is where i go to yap about my ocs fr... hi chat im back in the fucking building again

ok anywayyyy for awhile ive been working on how erin and quinn's magic affects them (in the nicest way possible they are not normal) so here are some of my coherent thoughts under the cut , as scs bc i am too lazy to turn it into a text post oops

[bisexualchrissycunningham]

10 and Chrissy

Chrissy + something scented she owns

Chrissy is obsessed with pretty stationary. It's one of her favourite indulgences, one that her mother actually has no objections to.

She has a whole ritual when it comes to writing a letter, and one of the last steps is spraying her signed letter with whatever scent fits the mood of her correspondence that day. When she's writing her friend Eden down in Utah about her latest crush, it's something light and citrusy. When she hasn't heard from her friend Kali in months and is crossing her fingers that she'll check her PO box sooner rather than later, she uses something smoky and resinous.

When she starts writing anonymous love letters to the long-haired boy she's hopelessly besotted with, she agonizes over the right scent. She sends a dozen different options to both Eden and Kali, demanding their opinions. They both choose the jasmine and rose scent - floral and sweet, but with a mysterious edge.

It's perfect.

Send me a number plus a character/ship and I'll give you a headcanon inspired by something they own that is...

[umbry-fic]

[Additional] Memory

Summary: [Another] story, of a time that came after the end.

After giving up her heart and her memories to become a true angel, Colette wakes up in a strange world she doesn't recognise.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia, Arcaea Characters: Colette Brunel, Hikari Rating: T Word Count: 4783 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 29/09/2023

Notes+Warnings: This was a fun little idea I've had for a long time. Spoilers for the entirety of Arcaea's main story, and for the Sylvarant arc of Tales of Symphonia. This fic takes place in a mash-up of Silent Answer Ending A and Silent Answer Ending B, long after the events of new Paradise(memory=null). But I think enough context is given here that you don't need to know Arcaea or read the previous fic to understand this one. Though this fic does spoil the previous one! In general, Colette is the main focus here.

Title from Additional Memory by Jin, which heavily inspired this story. (TW for suicide. Once again, I'm reminded how much Ayano is like Colette.)

~~~

Heavy eyelids opened to a blindingly white world.

She gazed at the sky that stretched out endlessly above her - a sky that was searingly bright and utterly empty, unlike anything she’d ever known. Not a cloud in sight, and there was no hint of a sun to be found. Yet there was light, so much that it almost burned, coming from some unseen source.

It took a while of staring blankly, her arms folded neatly upon her chest, hair trapped beneath her back, for a few questions to sluggishly fight their way to the surface of her mind. Questions she pondered, turning over and over in her head as she periodically tried to blink the brightness away. It reminded her of something, but she couldn’t quite recall what.

Where was she? What was she doing here? Who was she to begin with?

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, it could have been days, that she spent lying there doing nothing but thinking before the memories returned. But return they did, rushing back in a torrential wave that trapped her in its relentless pull, submerging her beneath its wrathful force.

A dying world, fuelled by the pitiful remnants of mana that had crackled and drained with each second that passed. A sacred duty handed down by Heaven, branding her as the saviour of that rapidly deteriorating world, gifting her wings that shimmered in the starlight and stole all of her dreams from her. All those she had met on her journey, the offered hands she had clasped, smiling and praying that they would meet with fortune as she walked steadily towards her own demise.

The people she'd left behind, the shape of them held dear in her heart. The boy with an exuberant grin that had turned into desperate pleas at the end, begging her not to leave as she’d torn herself away.

Colette Brunel choked on nothing as she realised that she was arranged like the dozens of failed Chosens she had seen in the tower, floating and circling the stairs that had led up into the heavens. Silent and serene in death, unable to utter another word ever again. All that was missing was the coffin to complete the scene.

Scrambling to her knees, the illusion of idle silence utterly shattered, she scratched at her neck, at the gold that wrapped around her throat and the red, red, red -

Her nails met soft skin, nearly piercing through in her frenzy. There was nothing there. The smooth surface of the Cruxis Crystal, which she'd gotten used to running her fingers over to pass the long, quiet nights, was gone.

She didn’t know whether to be relieved as she shakily rose to her feet, her tongue tasting like ash, the mana that usually pooled in her back gone, leaving nothing but a void behind. She’d had her wings for less than a year, yet she felt naked without them. Weak and vulnerable in this strange place.

She'd known she would be leaving everything and everyone behind once she released the final seal, but this...

This wasn't Heaven. At least, not the one written about in the scriptures that the priests had always preached about - a paradise born from the kindness of the Goddess, where no suffering could be found and no judgement would ever be meted.

But didn't that mean...

Vehemently shoving that thought away, she set out with hesitant steps.

It would do no good to stay in this one spot forever.

~~~

In her past hours of walking, she had concluded that she was no longer in Sylvarant. Nor was she in Tethe’alla, the place she had once thought of as the moon but had learned was another world lying parallel to her home.

It was a strange world she travelled, what seemed like dust crunching beneath her heels with every step. Devoid of the sun and the moon, the sky itself alive, a writhing mass of what she thought were shards of glass - a roiling sea that refused to be tamed. Everything lacked colour, as if it had been purposely drained, shades of grey smothering every surface.

It was always quiet. Far too quiet. She couldn't be certain whether she'd retained her angel senses, but there wasn't a sound to be heard but her footsteps, the only noise in her head that of her growing panic, doing its very best to claw its way out. There were no signs of life, and she passed nothing but the occasional ruins - buildings that had once been grand but had crumbled to their very foundations.

Professor Raine would have loved it here.

The sudden thought made her come to an abrupt stop, her heart clenching and tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

She was pulled out of her head when a section of the sky fell, pieces of glass breaking away from the flock to approach her, prompting a small gasp to escape her lips. Reaching out with a cautious hand, she flinched when they skirted out of reach, before slowly, slowly floating closer again.

They reminded her, inexplicably, of skittish birds. Like the pair of nestlings Lloyd had rescued from high up in a tree, on a winter morning when she had still been the same height as him, back when their shoulders always brushed whenever they walked side-by-side. The two of them had taken care of the nestlings until the warm winds of spring arrived, heralding the melting of the icicles that clung to her windowsill. At the very beginning, before they’d warmed up to the two of them, Lloyd had constantly gotten his fingers nipped by their beaks. He’d scowled, and she’d giggled and soothed his stinging skin, and -

This time, when she opened her eyes, it was to tears trailing down her cheeks, gasping sobs filling her chest and leaving no space for breaths. Blankly, she registered that the glass had surrounded her, images flickering on their shimmering surfaces, like the strange magi-technology in the human ranches that had reflected impossible scenes on their bright screens.

With how much they swirled around her, it was hard to make out anything from the discordant images. Nothing much - except for a flash of a red sleeve, and the echo of a familiar laugh that wound a string tight around her heart.

She couldn’t help but reach out once more, her hand shaking, even knowing that the cracks in her heart would only spread with each memory she revisited. But then, perhaps it was better this way, that she would be the only one to remember those happy times, now forever shadowed.

Her life had come to an end, bringing the tale of the Chosen to a close. Not the tale of Colette Brunel, for it had never existed in the first place. Her story was one wherein her own existence was forbidden.

Sylvarant would never remember that a girl named Colette Brunel had existed. All that would remain in their memory was the saviour, an angel that would be revered in their history as a blessing delivered unto them from the Heavens. And no matter how much it hurt, she prayed that those closest to her would do the same. That their memories would fade into a dull gray, until it became second nature to brush it aside.

Still, she reached out, straining to reach with her fingertips, desperation flooding her heart.

The shard shot out of reach, and like the fool she was, she stumbled after it. It kept a tantalisingly perfect distance from her - close enough for her to think she could grab ahold of it if she was just a little faster, and far enough that she was forced to follow its strange, winding path, heading for destinations unknown. Even knowing she had sacrificed all of herself to give the ones she loved a chance to create new memories, she still could not bear to let go.

Was this her punishment? Surely she must have failed, must have overlooked some small detail that had caused the ritual of regeneration to come crashing down at her feet, displacing her from Sylvarant and throwing her into this desolate world that found itself with not a single seed of life. She must not have toiled hard enough, must not have carried the weight of the hopes and dreams of the land well enough, must not have…

She must have made a mistake along the way, the fault of which lay entirely with her.

“I can die without any regrets…”

A whisper, mocking her.

What a masterful liar she’d been, able to fool even herself.

~~~

A lone girl clothed entirely in white stood in the silent halls of a grand church, a shard of scarlet red hovering over her open palm. More shards swirled around her, whispering in her ears as they flowed at the edges of her dress, almost as if to lengthen it, to make it trail against the cold stone.

"So she'll arrive soon," Hikari mumbled, paying no heed to the shards and their behaviour. She stared intently into the shimmering surface of the shard of red, almost a twin to the one that had freed her soul from the shackles of lethargic apathy, that she had pressed close to her chest with shaking hands as she’d shut her eyes against the blinding white. Contained within was the memory of the girl whose soul this world of Arcaea had just ensnared. The memory of Colette Brunel - every decision she’d made, every secret she’d kept, everything that defined her and formed the core of her identity.

Normally, she wouldn’t have paid any attention when another lost soul found its way here to live out a second chance. There had been so many, falling through the cracks in the boundaries of this world she had created from a lonely wish. It was not much of a second chance they would encounter, robbed of their memories and unlikely to run into another soul, unable to escape this place that existed outside of time. There was nothing much Arcaea could offer but hollow glimpses of other worlds, other times, other memories where one could only play the role of the outsider, never able to breach the gap. Left to stew in solitude that dug claws into their skin and dragged them downwards, most fell into the abyss of madness, and she cared not to witness their descent. So she turned a blind eye and kept to herself, caring only for her own machinations.

But this girl… She had not truly died, and yet an echo of her had appeared regardless, her memories intact and locked tight in her heart.

Something compelled her to meet with this strange aberration. For she could understand the terrible weight of memories, countless regrets pressing down on one’s shoulders until it buried them.

Whenever she closed her eyes, she could still see Tairitsu’s wide eyes, their light fading as the sword gripped tightly in Hikari’s hand pierced through her stomach. She could still see Tairitsu’s smile, sad and knowing, on every copy’s face as it cracked and shattered on that very same blade, driven into a body painstakingly crafted from glass.

The same events had repeated tens, hundreds, thousands of times. She had long since lost count of how many times she had reconstructed the girl with the curious eyes and a kind smile, how many times she had ended her short life, for Tairitsu never, ever wanted to stay, hand always outstretched towards the truth hiding beyond the horizon. She could not bear to listen to the hatred that would surely twist that sweet voice if the truth came to light, but neither could she bear to never gaze upon that lovely smile again.

It had become routine long ago.

Even then, something in her heart twisted every time her sword found its target.

~~~

An awed gasp left Colette as she craned her head up to drink in the sight of the church before her, the matter of the shard she’d been chasing forgotten for the time being.

It was a massive building topped with an elegant spire that reached tall and proud towards the sky, a far grander structure than the Martel Temple she’d known all her life. It was gorgeous, yet even here, there seemed to be no life to its stone, its entrance dark and cold. Her gaze wandered to the stained glass windows that decorated the top, disappearing around a curve, depicting angels. Perfect angels standing with rigid backs, neatly folded wings and impassive faces, as if they had been sculpted from stone.

Tearing her gaze away from a reminder of all that she was not, she began to cautiously make her way into the church, inching between the piers and melting into long shadows. Approaching the girl that waited at its end, still as a statue.

With each step she took, her heart thundered louder in her ears, sweat forming on her palms, knowing that pale pink eyes were trained on her and had not left her once.

She recognized the madness that swam within them, enough to make her want to turn tail and run. It was not the cruel inferno that had resided within the Grand Cardinals, fuelled by the suffering of others, its tongues licking away at hope until it burned to ash. It was the empty gaze of those that had buckled beneath the crushing weight of despair, a bone-chilling brokenness lurking behind it. Not an inferno, no, but a simmering flame that could easily consume all if allowed to grow.

Not to mention the glass spinning around the girl, an unquenchable hurricane following an unknown rhythm. The shard that had led Colette here had long since disappeared among its fellows, and she had no hope of picking it out from among them. The horde followed the other girl’s every movement, crowning her in glory, as she finally moved. Her white dress swirled around her legs, the strange, sharp contraptions floating by her side snapping into place by her shoulders - mechanical wings that flared behind her.

Here too, in the flesh, were graceful angels, carrying themselves with hardened steel in their spines.

"You've arrived," she whispered, raising her head, a strand of pale hair slipping to rest on the pink rose on her shoulder. "Welcome."

Taking a deep breath, Colette pulled herself upright, certain that every action she took now might determine her fate. This could be an opportunity to learn the truth, to find out how she’d ended up here. Or it could spell her doom once more, the raw power hiding beneath the surface of the other girl poised to explode at any moment.

"Who are you? And… where am I?" she asked, taking care to ensure her voice didn’t shake, the expression on her face smoothing into blankness from years of practice.

“My name is Hikari.” The answer was given to her easily, lips curving into a smile. “And this is a world of memories.”

Memories? Genis would have scoffed and exclaimed the impossibility of everything, yet she was inclined to believe the words fed to her, continuing to search for a single shard among dozens.

“Let me show you.”

That was all the warning she got before an iron grip wrenched her wrist up, those pink eyes now inches from her face. Hissing in pain, she tried to pull away, but was unable to do anything as a single shard shoved itself against her fingertips, a shock of cold slamming into her body.

The world around her warped, greys turning into vibrant green as the heady scent of soil flooded her senses -

The cicadas chirped lazily in the hazy darkness that clung to the space between trees, streaking over sturdy bark and painting them almost black.

Lloyd made a soft sound in his throat when her hand found his, their fingers slotting together as perfectly as they had when he'd first grabbed her hand outside the schoolhouse, grinning as bright as the sun, on the day they’d met.

If she closed her eyes, she could still see the light of the oracle superimposed against her eyelids. Blinding white light that signalled the end of life as she knew it, curtains falling on the daydream she'd lived all this time.

When tomorrow arrives...

"Just so we don't get lost," she whispered, not wanting to disrupt the sanctity of the soon-coming night, the sky still painted with messy strokes of pink and orange.

It was a ridiculous thing to say, a feeble excuse that didn't hold a candle to the lies upon lies she'd already told in the short life she’d lived. She'd walked this path between Lloyd's home and Iselia hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. She could count the exact number of steps needed, knew where to jump over roots that had burrowed through the ground, and knew where to duck to avoid low-hanging branches.

She just didn't want to let go.

Those russet eyes she so loved held a question in them, but he didn't voice it. He only squeezed her hand, his laughter filling the silence, a sound she soaked in, desperate to memorise.

"I won't let you get lost, silly."

She pressed closer to him, savouring the warmth that radiated from his side as they walked ever closer to an ending that couldn't be avoided. Trying to commit to memory the shape of him, unable to bring herself to curse the weakness that had led her to get this close in the first place.

At the end of the path, she told him she would see him again tomorrow, the lie burning her tongue. The words she truly wanted to say stayed locked in her heart, a truth she couldn't divulge for fear of breaking his.

Another promise she would have to shatter.

A goodbye, even if he didn't know it.

The sensations faded as she crashed to her knees, shivering uncontrollably, staring unseeing at what once was a forest and now was the drab floor of a church she’d been standing in minutes ago. Or… What felt like minutes ago. In truth, barely any time had passed at all, Hikari still standing a hair’s breadth away, having let go of her wrist.

It had been so vivid, nothing like her own recollections of precious moments, which seemed so pitiful now. It was like she'd just turned sixteen again, making preparations to leave everything she’d known behind to set out on a journey that she wasn’t certain she would survive. Not yet possessing the knowledge that Lloyd would chase after her, again and again, all the way to the end of her preordained fate.

The words she’d wished so much to say that day were still on the tip of her tongue, and she swallowed them down with the bitter taste of reality, salt stark against her lips.

"This is a world of memories," Hikari repeated as she lowered herself to Colette’s level, the gentleness of her voice sending a shudder down her spine. The shards had come to a complete stop, floating at irregular intervals around the two of them - the calm before the storm. “And I have the power to gift you paradise.”

“Paradise…?”

Naked yearning dripped from her voice, unable to be held back, as her fingers absentmindedly rubbed against the red marks left on her wrist, the physical sensation clashing with the ghostly echo of warmth lingering on her palm. It felt as if her chest had been split open, leaving her heart to bleed all over the floor from its jagged, open wound.

She had once thought that to give up one’s heart until no tears could fall and nothing could bring a smile to one’s face was the worst fate that could befall a person. Yet perhaps it had been a blessing all along, one that had slipped through her fingers. It would mean never having to experience this torment, enough to sunder her heart in two as she witnessed all that she had left behind. From the very beginning, she’d been nothing more than a coward, secretly glad that she would die at the end - for death should have spared her from this.

"It hurts, does it not?" The whispers seemed to come from all around her, despite the fact that Hikari hadn't shifted, her hand raising to cup Colette’s cheek, soaked in tears. The surface of each shard rippled in time with her words, thorns of fear pricking at Colette’s skin at the veneer of kindness presented to her, her breath catching in her throat. "To remember. Those who come here never do. It must hurt, to know that you can never return."

"You can live again," she offered. "I can make a world for you, one where you can be happy, where you will never need to remember all that burdened you in your past life. You have already given up so much. Do you not at least deserve to let go of all that pains you?"

Sitting at a table with a pencil in hand, pondering her math homework as Lloyd snoozed beside her, sunlight filtering through the window and illuminating the dust motes that danced in the air. She nudged him with a shoulder, giggles bubbling from her throat as his only response was to mumble something under his breath. Reaching for her phone, still blowing up with messages wishing her a happy sixteenth birthday, she wondered what tomorrow would bring…

The scene faded slowly this time, bit by bit. The wood of the table, covered in pencil scratches caused by clumsy hands. The sky outside the window, a lovely blue that signified a perfect day. The cosy room, filled with the dreams of a child, whose only consideration for the future was a mild curiosity over what it would bring.

It was perfect - a lovely dream that stabbed yet another dagger into her heart.

“Living a normal life… Isn't that what you've always wished for?"

There it was, the wish she had locked away long ago, the key rusty and lost. A wish she had attempted to forget by surrounding herself with the warmth of her friends. It was tempting, to accept the offer given to her for no price at all, to finally be given a reprieve from the ache deep in her soul. And yet…

She remembered a teacher who had known of her fate, and had done her best to give her a fulfilling life. A young elf who had been unfairly chased from his home, and had displayed such bravery over the course of their journey. A mercenary who never spoke much, but had given her advice on how to weather the angelic transformation. An assassin, who had cared so much for a world that wasn’t even her own.

Most of all, she remembered a boy who had never cared about her role, who had torn through the facades she put up and reached the scared girl hidden beneath.

"I can't." The words slipped out, Hikari’s stare turning frigid as she dropped her hand, shifting away. Perhaps she was sealing her fate, but she couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of her, tripping inelegantly over each other. "I can’t forget what I’ve been through, nor the choices I’ve made. These memories, no matter how painful, are still precious to me.” She shook her head, fingers tightening on the fabric of her clothes. “I don’t want to forsake the truth for an illusion. That would mean dishonouring all the sacrifices that came before me.”

"If this is to be my punishment for not being a good enough Chosen," she whispered, smiling sadly, "then I accept it. I will bear this burden. And I will sin no further by seeking reprieve."

The air itself seemed to turn solid all of a sudden, forcing her prone to the ground with heaving gasps. Above her, shards sliced through the air, faster and faster, until it drowned out all other sounds. She could only watch, words escaping her, as the walls and the ceiling itself unfurled into ribbons of glass, spiralling away to reveal the sky and all that remained of the grand church that had once stood in this very location - broken pillars and scattered rubble.

"You have your wish, then," Hikari hissed, a burning rage erupting from within her that matched the turbulent motion of the shards. "You will not be remembered, and you will never be able to leave. Those precious memories of yours will haunt you for the rest of time. If you so desire to gaze upon the truth, then you may have it."

With a dismissive flick, a single red shard materialised in the air, hovering just within Colette’s reach. She stared at it with wide eyes, watching her own image reflected on its surface.

“May it bring you fortune, Chosen One.”

In the distance, footsteps echoed.

And then there was nothing but blissful silence.

~~~

The truth. What was so appealing about it that people simply could not avert their eyes? It had brought her nothing but pain. To cling to it seemed absurd.

Was happiness not a good enough reason to forsake the truth? Those had been the very words she’d told Tai, over and over again, yet Tai would always find her way to the church, and she would always remember. And she would always die by Hikari’s hands - an inviolable rule of this world, one that she couldn’t bend despite the power she yielded.

The girl she’d left in the ruins of that very same church was similar to Tai, in a way. They had suffered all their life, yet still, they pushed on with a smile, refusing to yield, strength hidden behind soft words and a demure face.

Hikari came to a stop, knowing not where her feet had carried her. It mattered not.

How many days, months, years had it been since she'd first awoken here, surrounded by shards of Arcaea depicting nothing but joy? So much of it that she’d gotten drunk on it, only for it to drive her to the brink of losing herself in its overwhelming brightness.

The girl would shatter, the instant she realised that wonderful "truth". All she had done was for a lie, and in another time, another world, Colette Brunel had already awoken from her curse, clutching a precious birthday present close.

This one was nothing but a copy. Even then, the pain she felt was real. But it was too late to save her. There was nothing to be done but to wait to pick up the pieces.

For now... for now, she would simply make preparations. Her heart sang a single wish, a wish to see that gentle smile framed by black locks once more. She yearned to feel the warmth of Tai’s palm pressed against her own.

She had missed Tai’s embrace so very, very much.

~~~

A few shards of glass remained in the ruins of a church, unheard whispers spreading amongst themselves as they watched the newest arrival - another girl, drowning in grief she couldn’t control. Just as they had watched every other girl, so too would they watch this one, observing the tragedy of her story as it unfolded.

They watched as she reached out with trembling fingers for a singular scarlet shard, hugging it close to her chest. Her grip was so tight that the shard cut into her fingers, causing more red to trail down her arms in a trickling river.

They watched as she raised her gaze towards the sky, perhaps to catch sight of the twinkling stars that had been her companion for many a sleepless night. But there were no stars to be found here, in this strange, alien world. There would be no opportunity to count them, as a gruff voice disguising kindness had told her to do. There would be nothing to refer to as she recounted the stories that had been whispered to her on rooftops, by a gentle boy whose cheeks had been kissed by the cold. There would be no crackling of the fire, no soft breaths coming from Genis as he slumbered next to his sister. There would be no scent of miso soup, still wafting from the thoroughly emptied pot that Sheena had laboured over.

They listened in silence as she began to softly sing, her voice carrying through the air. A hymn, praying for salvation from an ever-benevolent Goddess.

They did not respond, continuing to churn in eternal silence. A song heard by no one, swallowed up by this endless world.

There would be no salvation, now and forevermore.

[bpdbunnyy4ngel]

.

[plumipal]

AAAAAOMG UR TWST OC IS SO ADORABLE?? i'm absolutely in love with eden sm (+ his design?? the star eyes and the wings are my favorite,, i wanna smooch all his tattoos!) and i hope it's okay to ask a few questions about him... (I KNOW U SAID IT WAS OKAY BUT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE 😭 i'm genuinely interested in knowing more!)

1) does he have anyone in the twst cast that he tolerates/likes? i know he's part of the whole harem thing but is there anyone he doesn't necessarily mind being around (or even sharing with the prefect?)

2) do grim and eden have a good relationship? i would assume so since they're living both with one another but do they just get along with each other for the prefect's sake or are they actually best buds? (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

(little dumb idea but i think it would be so cute if the prefect treated the two as if they were all like a little family! eden and prefect being the two parents and grim their rambunctious kid lmao,, i would imagine the others not being so happy about it (っ‘ω`c))

3) is he okay with physical affection/pda? is he totally chill about it or would he rather shy about the whole thing? is he open to having the prefect touch his wings or his tattoos?

4) oooo any funfacts that you have about the new ramshackle resident?? just in general really if that's okay with u ofc!! ☆

aa okay that's it!! i hope my questions weren't annoying or anything! (っ‘ω`c)

Had to get one of those wheels ive seen going around where you put the oc and how they feel about the character and how the characters feel back about them, but with a twist lol (most of them are haters).

The ones he are most tolerant with are grim, ace, deuce, jack and kalim. Only one he could possible share with would either be kalim, jack or deuce, because of how he sorta is annoyed by ace.

Of course cant forget how he feels about you :) he thinks you are very very very special and he loves you a lot <3

He likes grim a lot, seeing as grim isn't one of the students that is oh so annoying. He warms up to the monster, seeing how gently you take care of grim, wanting to do the same. It feels, domestic, in his opinion.

Grim likes Eden a lot too, he has never belittled him, he has always made sure to feed grim along with Eden being very warm (and therefore very nice to sleep on). In grims opinion, he thinks you should go with Eden, cuz he is a good candidate for marriage (grim has been bribed with love, affection, and tuna).

He takes good care of the cat son, making sure he is healthy and happy.

Now onto pda. Eden are only okay with you touching the wings, the tattoo and the core, being as they are quite sensitive. The scar is still off limits, but maybe if you make him warm up to you even more you might be able to-

He loves when you help him with his wings, it's one of the best feelings out there. Fo mind that only you (and grim) can touch the wings, anyone else is off limits, ESPECIALLY ROOK HE IS FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THEM.

Eden facts!! He has lil "ear-holes" like birds, just behind the feathers. Be careful around that part when you help him with his feathers, otherwise you might have a pouty and angry Eden on tour hands.

His eyes also glow in the dark! It's the scariest during the nightly snack runs down to the kitchen, seeing him suddenly stare at you, but you slowly get used to it!

You don't know where the extra eyes sometimes come from tho...

Also some general facts about Eden!

Dorm: Ramshackle

Birthday: 1/1

Age: ???

Height: 185cm

Fav subject: alchemy

Hobby: cleaning in ramshackle, birdwatching

Likes: you

Dislikes: Loud noises, blond 3rd year hunters named rook hunt, people trying to grab onto his wings that aren't you

Fav food: he don't need to eat to gain sustenance, bur he likes mashed potatoes with gravy

Least fav food: soup, any soup, he hates it

Btw if anyone were to write for Eden I would explode it would mean the world to me

[multi-lefaiye]

takes a long sip of water. it's okay. not every story will be finished. what matters is that i'm enjoying the process and writing and outlining something that makes me happy. <- affirmations said while visibly shaking a little

[meo-eiru]

Eden.

A garden that has been long untouched by the spoils of man, a paradise. Yet for Eden himself, there was little serenity to be found in the name his father had bestowed upon him. The Eden of the scriptures was a place where man first tasted the sweetness of sin.

As a child, Eden had looked up to his father with awe, the way an astronomer might admire a distant star—brilliant, untouchable, but that was long before he had long come to understand his father.

He was devoted husband and by devoted— he meant in a constricting way. His love suffocated as much as it sheltered.

Micah had built a fortress around his mother. The doors to the outside world were closed to her, and any desire she voiced for freedom was swiftly quelled with reminders of how dangerous, how unpredictable, how cruel… the world will be. He made her believe that all she needed— no, all she could ever want—was within inside the home of his making. And if she ever dared to question, Micah would respond with a subtle open-eyed smile, a look that chilled Eden to his core. His father’s eyes, blank and empty, seemed to say more than words ever could

Eden once believed his father loved him—in his own peculiar way. But that love was less about Eden himself and more about what he represented: the product of Micah’s “love” for his mother. He didn’t look at Eden the way other fathers looked at their sons. There was no warmth in his gaze, no pride. When Micah looked at his son, it was with the same detached curiosity one might show a stray dog that had wandered too close to home. There was affection, yes, but it was distant, cold, the way a man might feel for a possession that had outlived its use.

There were only so many places Eden was allowed to go. The house, of course, and the garden, which Micah maintained with an almost religiously. Sometimes, if his father was feeling particularly generous, he would be allowed to play with the neighborhood children. But those moments of freedom were rare, and Eden quickly learned not to ask for them too often.

But this more than his mother was granted. She, poor creature, was kept within the house at all times, a bird in a cage. Micah’s treatment of her was peculiar, to say the least, but it was the only life Eden had ever known, and so he accepted it as normal. He did not question the way his father controlled her every movement, her every thought. Eden knew no different. It was the way of things, after all. Is that not what love is—binding and strong?

Micah was determined that Eden be well-educated. School was out of the question, of course— his father had his reasons. “Why would you need to go anywhere else,” he would say, “when I can teach you everything you need to know myself?”

And so Eden was taught in languages, in numbers, in the sciences and histories, all under his father. Micah ensured that Eden was always immaculate, every hair in place, every thought controlled. It was he was to be an extension of Micah himself, a mirror in which his father might see his own reflection.

Weird.

That’s what the other children called him, when Micah allowed him to play with them.

But what did they know of it? What did any of them know of him, and the empty love that held him fast? They knew nothing, and so they called him weird. And perhaps, in their ignorance, they were right.

AAAAAAAAAAA IT'S SO GOOD AGAIN I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

You're soooo good at writing Micah I love reading these so much. AND I LOVE EDEN!! Lowkey wanna make him canon at one point now

[voxslays]

Hello! If you’re comfortable, could I request headcanons of a sinner gender neutral reader who’s in a polyamorous relationship with Lucifer and Adam? (Sfw please) Ty for your time, have a good day ^^

ADAMSAPPLE X READER HEADCANNONS

A/N: I am currently having a writing streak, where I just wanna keep writing…

The three of you officially meet in Eden, although you probably knew Lucifer long before the garden. Both of you being dreamers, you were curious about the humans in the mysterious garden. Lucifer probably goes first, just to explore and make sure the garden is safe, when he meets Lillith—and eventually Adam.

Lucifer makes a second trip to see his new friend again, this time bringing you down with him. He introduces you to Lillith, but gets carried away, and you sneak off. You explore the garden by yourself, and eventually stumble upon a human Adam. I can imagine that unlike Lillith, Adam doesn’t take kind to angels because he is jealous of Lucifer and Lillith, however he quickly warms up to you.

I can imagine that you and Adam are talking one day, and out of nowhere Lucifer shows up and says something like “Hello Adam, I see you’ve met MY friend.” He quickly whisks you away back to the ‘safety’ of heaven. Lucifer tells you that he doesn’t like Adam and strongly advises against seeing that ‘neanderthal’ again—even though he was doing the exact same thing with Lillith.

The next time the two of you visit Eden again, he keeps a close eye on you—yet you manage to slip out of his grasp once again, sneaking away to see Adam, who by this point has fallen head over heels in love with you (probably because you are the first person to have ever shown him any interest), and around the same time, Lucifer also figures out he has VERY strong romantic feelings for you. He probably confides in Lillith about what to do, scared of ruining your friendship. (Also I headcannon that Lillith gives very good and wise advice.)

She tells him to talk to Adam to see what he does, since you seem to like him so much, and that’s what he does…after some mild verbal threats of violence against Adam. Meanwhile, you are very conflicted—being in love with both Lucifer’s goofy demeanor and Adam’s sarcasm. You can’t decide which one you like better…

Eventually, when both Adam and Lucifer try to confess their love to you at the same time (only because Lucifer interrupted—thinking he was saving you from a ‘beast’) You tell them you can’t choose between them, and you love them both in different ways—and they both take it as a sort of rejection, but act on it differently. Lucifer is extremely heartbroken, not even finding it in his heart to visit Eden. Meanwhile, Adam is a temperamental mess. Lucifer visits earth one last time to say goodbye to Lillith, but runs into Adam instead. They both talk about how the so called ‘rejection’ has hurt them and come up with a compromise—to share you.

Anyways, the three of you eventually end up dating, Adam and Lucifer actually tolerating and genuinely enjoying eachother’s presence for a while. Until the fall Here’s a fun twist, instead of Lillith falling, you do. Both you and Lucifer are cast into the firey inferno known as hell. You are both heartbroken, especially you, since you’ll never see Adam again. Nevertheless, the two of you quickly adapt to your new surroundings, become the rulers, and eventually have Charlie together.

Anyways, Lucifer is pretty pissed off at Adam trying to kill your daughter, and hurts him pretty badly—but gives him mercy because he knows that’s not only what you would want, but he can’t find it in his heart to kill the man. He is horrified when Niffty stabs Adam—and so are you, as you are probably watching the fight from one of the TV’s in your palace (Lucifer forced you to stay home, physically tying you down.) seeing your ex-lover being murdered live.

Eventually, Adam respawns magically—still in his angel form—but is trapped in hell because of Heaven’s refusal to come get him (or thinking he’s dead). One day, you and Lucifer are taking a walk through your garden (a replica of the Garden of Eden, which you two had spent so much time in eons prior), and find Adam passed out behind one of the bushes, bruised and bloody. *gasp*

After Lucifer uses his powers and Adam heals, the three of you have a family reunion of sorts and live happily ever after in hell…until you have to explain it to Charlie, who is very confused why her parents are now publicly dating the man who actively opposed her redemption plans and tried to kill her and her friends…

[aquaquadrant]

hey miners and crafters 🗣️ tomorrow evening i will post the final chapter of ‘from eden’

writing this story has been an amazing journey, and it ain’t over yet. i’ve got plenty of future oneshots planned for the HTP au, which will surely not turn into elaborate multi-chapter projects. surely. my next goal is to get the fic (and all my other mcyt stuff) uploaded to A03 so y’all can keep track more easily 😂

howEVER, i’m about to start my final year of vet school, which means nonstop clinical rotations AND my board exam, so i can’t promise when that will come. all i can say is i’ll continue to write as long as i’m inspired, same as mel will continue to make art, and we’ll still reply to asks and tags as we receive them. so it may be slow(er) going, but there’s still lots to look forward to ✌️

(P.S. y’all might wanna make sure you’ve got plenty of time when u sit down to read it. this one is a doozy.)

[unhappy-sometimes]

a 2024 writing retrospective (for sxf fanfic)

ignore the fact that i’m a few days late. i’ve been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks.

in this post i’ll go over the fics i wrote in 2024 think of it as an extremely extended author’s notes. i love to talk and will do so when given the chance.

i’ll start from my latest fic and work my way backwards. spoilers for everything i’ve written in 2024.

(Very) Stupid

Something that I try really really hard to maintain in my writing is believability, specifically when it comes to writing characters. Characters acting out of character is one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves: if I wanted to read about someone’s oc, then I would’ve read a regular book. That being said, I think a lot about how Twilight would actually act like if he were in love. I had an interesting conversation with @cantareincminor forever ago about how he’s so emotionally constipated that it’s kind of difficult to write Twilight in love without making him a bit ooc. Right now in canon it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for anyone (in my opinion, anyway).

That being said there are moments in canon where he acts flustered in situations that could be interpreted as romantic. So, for right now, my hypothesis is this: if and when Twilight falls in love, he’s going to be an absolute fool. He’s going to do his usual overthinking and overanalyizing, so much to the point that he starts hesitating over the smallest things.

(Very) Stupid is how I imagine all of that unfolding, although for the sake of comedy I did push things to the absurd. Sometimes Twilight does things in canon with such certainty of “Yes, of course normal people do this, I’m nailing this normalcy thing” that he fails to realize he’s being kinda ridiculous. I also wanted to take that element and incorporate it into a fic.

I also wanted to try subverting expectations (ooh fancy literary term) by having them do romantic things that lead them nowhere. I tried to cram in as many tropes as I could—feeding each other with a fork, only one bed, first kiss—but do so under the guise of Twilight completely missing how dumb he’s being the entire time. He only realizes his feelings until after their first kiss, specifically when Yor surprises him with a quick peck on the cheek. This, of course, was deliberate. I figured that it’d make the most sense if Twilight would only realize his feelings in a situation where he wasn’t the one initiating a (somewhat) romantic gesture because he theoretically wouldn’t be overthinking it. Instead, Yor just sneaks in when his guard is down <3

Endings are usually the hardest things for me to write and (Very) Stupid was no exception. I almost had Twilight pass out at the breakfast table when he kisses Yor but then I realized I’d made him faint in almost every fic I’ve written this year and that felt like a cop out. But I figured it out and I don’t mind the way the ending turned out :D

Also, kind of a random reference, but the title is slightly inspired by VERY NICE by Seventeen lol

Holy crap I’ve written so much for only one fic so far. My apologies in advance.

21 Eden Street

I won’t go into too much detail for 21 Eden Street because it’s still ongoing, but I just wanna brag about how fun it is to write hehe. It’s really enjoyable to write pure crack and come up with stupid and insane ideas with Cantare. You don’t need to have seen either iteration of 21 Jump Street to understand what’s going on. Honestly, we’ve taken very little from the source material and treated it more like a loose guide and a basis for brainstorming.

Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned it! Cantare is waiting on me to finish writing my chapter (hehe sorry, Cantare!) and soon it’ll be back up and running.

Seeing things

Ah, Seeing Things, my beloved <3

This fic has the least amount of hits out of everything I’ve written (which is not surprising to me) but I hold it very dear to my heart. There’s not a specific reason why other than I just really enjoyed writing it. I also spent a ton of time making supplementary drawings and a whole hype campaign for it, too, so I kinda am obligated to feel some sorta way about it.

Anyway, the way this fic came about is simple; I just had the things I am most afraid of happen to Twilight. Yes, I’m scared of serial killers and my loved ones dying like everyone else, but something I am absolutely terrified of are hallucinations. That and doppelgangers.

Not being able to tell reality apart from fiction activates the flight or fight senses in me. Real life can be scary, yes, but reality is bound by the rules of reality. Literally anything can happen in fiction. The most horrific, awful things are possible in fiction and if those things suddenly become possible in reality???? Girl I am GONE. Passing away. Curling up in a fetal position in the nearest corner. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I ever start seeing things that I can’t be sure are actually happening or not, I am choosing to die right then and there. Doppelgangers as a concept are also really scary to me. It’s like stranger danger but times a thousand because you can’t tell who the strangers are anymore.

In my initial draft, there wasn’t nearly as much of a tension between Twilight and Yor. If I recall correctly, by then I’d written to nearly the end and realized that for Yor this whole experience has been Loid acting just a little more weird than usual. It might’ve been Cantare’s suggestion (just assume everything after Guy’s Night has been beta’d by Cantare and you’ll be mostly right) but I realized that Twilight probably would start to suspect the people around him were screwing with him. I added the scene where his room was messed up and it all fell into place hehe.

I don’t like writing gore or the like because I feel like typical gore quickly starts escalating into levels of pain that the average reader has no possibility of comprehending and it loses its efficacy. Instead I tried feeding into Twilight’s paranoia, adding things that in isolation are just weird but when put together are unsettling. I shamelessly stole the fourth room hallway from Impossible Landscapes, a Delta Green campaign that I highly recommend you check out if you enjoy surreal horror. I purposefully kept some things vague, like the things Anya sees in Twilight’s mind, the way Handler’s face gets warped, or the description of “the watchers” because I felt like going into detail would lose the unknown-ness of it all. That and I’m lazy heehee.

In some way, canon Spy x Family does deal with ideas of doppelgangers and paranoia. Spies are constantly afraid of being listened in on, they don’t know if they can trust anyone, and they always have to keep an eye over their shoulder. For someone who is always a little scared of being spied on (I cover my phone and laptop cameras for that exact reason), that kinda sounds like torture. Seeing Things was a fun way to crank that paranoia up to a hundred. It was especially fun writing the museum scene because I tried thinking of things that are just ever so slightly off, things that theoretically could exist but clearly don’t.

I also threw in other things I’m scared of, like being watched, being followed, the dark, and the bathroom at night just to be extra mean to Twilight <3

Anyway, I’m rambling and this analysis post will be a novel if I keep this up.

Guy’s Night

I do recognize the insane tone shift going from Seeing Things to Guy’s Night.

What is there to even say about Guy’s Night? I got the idea from Psych (the Last Night Gus episode) who got the general basic from the Hangover movies. I wrote it all out in a few days, one of which I was sick in bed. I don’t know what to say.

Looking back on it, I don’t love the way it turned out. I’m glad I wrote it but where I usually don’t mind rereading my stuff for fun I do kinda cringe at Guy’s Night. It relies on a lot of contrivances which I tried masking with humor but it’s still a bit obvious. If you make a timeline of the previous night’s events, it only kinda makes sense.

It doesn’t help that I went into it with no plan whatsoever. I just sat down and said what happens happens. When I wrote in chapter one that something had happened between Loid and Yor, I didn’t know what that was. When I wrote Loid saying “we need to see what’s on that camera film” I was right there next to him saying “buddy, so do I because I have no idea.” When wrote Franky saying that his friend Marko might have answers, I was hoping he would too because I, like everyone else, didn’t know what was going on either.

The ONE thing I DID know was that Twilight got a tattoo the night before. That was it. That’s all.

I don’t typically plan out everything when I write but I usually have a good idea. For Guy’s Night, I had a bad idea in that I had no idea. It kinda shows. Sorry.

That being said, it was incredibly fun writing their drunk shenanigans and banter. The dynamic between Twilight, Franky, and Yuri was so goofy that I’ve seriously debated writing a sequel of sorts. However that’s incredibly unlikely. If I ever do write a sequel, it’d be a Girl’s Night with Yor and a combination of female characters, probably Sylvia and Fiona.

After Peace (and Glimpses of Happiness)

A quick heads up: I don’t go into detail but I do discuss mental illness in this segment.

I am incredibly proud of how After Peace turned out. Not only did it receive a really good reception for being my first fic ever, but it also helped me work through some things in my own life. It’s important to give some context.

I wrote After Peace shortly after graduating college. I won’t go into specifics, but college was really, really difficult for me. I had been so excited for this next step in my life after graduating high school but instead it turned out to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. Depression came out of nowhere and stomped me into the ground.

I used to have very high expectations for myself; I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life and I was taking steps to work towards those goals. Then my mental health tanked and suddenly everything just felt so difficult and pointless. I’d sleep all day and then hate myself when the sun started to set because that meant I’d wasted an entire day doing nothing when I was supposed to be working towards something. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed that a lot of media gets wrong about depression sometimes. It doesn’t always make you feel sad. Sometimes it just sucks everything out of you—sadness, happiness, anger, everything. I stopped drawing, stopped listening to music, stopped eating, stopped exercising, stopped doing everything that I enjoyed because it felt like the equivalent of doing the dishes. Everything was a chore, even the things that I liked.

What really changed things around was when my poor roommate, who was sick of me sleeping for twenty hours a day, dragged my sorry self to the free counseling services on campus. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but having someone who cares about you and you care about can really help your mental health.

Anyway, let’s not forget I’m talking about an anime fanfiction here haha.

After Peace really did start out as a couple of doodles but as I started to write it, I noticed that there were a lot of similarities between myself and Loid. No, I am not a former spy turned grumpy hermit, but I did once have great aspirations and now have to settle for what reality offers me. Realizing that worth comes from simply existing was something that I had to understand in order to begin my recovery process.

I’ve always found it kind of sad that if you took away the goal of world peace from Twilight that you’re basically left with nothing. He doesn’t really have hobbies, no real friends, and he never takes a day off. That’s hardly sustainable. Would he really be happy when there’s nothing left to do? I’d like to think so, but I wanted to see what would happen if he wasn’t.

I mentioned this in the end note, but After Peace was also influenced by this comic I was working on years ago that had the similar premise of “grumpy man learns to enjoy life with the help of a young girl” (very original, I know). I doubt that I’ll ever release that comic in the capacity I once intended, but it does live on in my secret second tumblr account of you ever manage to find it.

Anyway, I was worried about writing After Piece because Anya plays a big role and I am Not Good at writing children. It was hard striking a balance between making Anya likeable but still realistic. I don’t interact with children often and, as a youngest sibling, I don’t have much experience with them. Anya has so many layers—being a test subject, being a telepath, being a child—that it was hard managing them all. But I’m okay with how she turned out.

There is a slight problem in that she basically disappears once Yor shows up D:

I debated having Yor in the fic at all but then I realized that without her the emotional climax would have to rely on a four year old’s emotional intelligence and then decided right then and there that Yor had to be in it haha.

Yor’s whole deal with accidentally killing the wrong person was kind of a last minute addition. I do wish I was able to explore that more, but I also feel like she’s emotionally mature enough to forgive herself more quickly than Twilight would. She ends up serving a bit of a role model to him. It was also nice to be able to write them interacting with the truth out on the table and for them to be honest with each other.

Pacing was something that I was very concerned with. Looking back on it now, I’m still worried that things move along a bit quickly. However, I am reminded of some advice my graphic design professors gave me: “Good design is when nothing more can be take away.” And, because I was writing this as fast as possible, you best believe I was taking things away if I didn’t need them. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of dwelling on Twilight’s thoughts for too long so I instead opted for showing him progressing through experiences instead. I think it worked out.

However because I took so many things out I decided to start Glimpses of Happiness, a supplementary fic to After Peace that fills in the cracks, so to speak. I wanted to have more moments between Twilight and the other characters, like stargazing with Anya and growing close to Yor. Right now there’s only one chapter, but I have plans for at least a few more. I also thought it was important to highlight that mental health recovery never truly ends. Just because Yor and Twilight had a nice chat on the roof doesn’t mean that things are suddenly okay. It’s a long process that sometimes never ends and I wanted to show that.

Of course, I can’t talk about After Peace without addressing the Midwest allegations. As I said, yes, this fic was inspired by my childhood in the American Midwest, even though I was nowhere near any mountains. The Midwest is a silly place full of nothing to do but go to your local Walmart for fun, but I think it served a good enough setting for Twilight to chill out and slow down. If I really wanted to do full Midwest, I’d have Twilight watch a tornado touch down on a cornfield from his truckbed, but that feels sort of out of place.

I feel like there’s more to say but I can’t think of anything and I doubt anyone’s actually gonna read all the way down here anyway. But yeah, that’s After Peace.

Oh, and the A.M. AM by Damien Jurado Youtube video currently has nine comments that mentjon falling from a five story building, which I think is really funny.

So now what?

Against my better judgement, I’m still writing. I have a couple projects in the works, especially one big big big one that hopefully I can start publishing soon. Keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, thanks for a great year! I hope 2025 holds more great things in store for us all!

-unso ^. .^<

[lipglossboy]

HONESTLY El naming a squirrel that lives near her house "mister fibbley" is something that I've really let go underappreciated inside my heart.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

“I think El is a cat person!” “I think El is a dog person!” She did NOT talk about mr. fibbley at length for you to dismiss her love for rodents