#am i gonna sit alone in my room and cry abt him and listen to his voice

[bpdbunnyy4ngel]

.

[littlestarbigsky]

been thinking long and hard abt soda and what it did to him to drop out of high school (i also feel bad bc somehow the only fics i have abt soda are all ships and i know i can do better for my boy)

so here’s a quick lil thing abt darry and soda after soda dropped out :p

darry couldn’t remember the last time soda had been this upset. even after their parents died, there were moments when the gang was all together and soda could laugh and feel the littlest bit normal again, but this felt like it was never going to end, and there was no reprieve. there was no end in sight, and darry couldn’t do anything to help him.

his grades had been going downhill for a while. it wasn’t his fault, or at least not entirely. it had been years since soda had done alright in school on his own instead of barely scraping by, and at some point the class had left him behind and it was like they started speaking another language.

and then their parents died.

soda already had enough trouble missing one day of school, let alone missing a week while they tried to throw together a funeral.

a month after their parents had died, after far too many nights at the kitchen table crying over math homework, after screaming matches that shook the roof over his grades, after darry had yelled so many times about how failing out of school was a surefire way to get them sent to a boy’s home, soda finally said that he was dropping out of school.

he could barely leave his room after telling darry, he couldn’t even tell ponyboy himself. he didn’t know what to do with himself, battling with his own mind every hour of the day. thoughts bouncing around his head of feeling like a failure for not even being able to graduate high school, bullying himself over not being able to joke around about it or making other people happy, which felt like maybe the only thing he was good at anymore. he knew that he was going to fail out eventually, so what was the point?

“soda?” darry cracked the door open, his eyes landing on his little brother where he had been for the last three days: curled up in bed, his back to the door. “do you want some dinner?”

soda silently shook his head.

darry sighed, “you can’t stay in here, forever, pepsi. we miss you out there.”

soda didn’t give much of a response, just gave a half hearted shrug.

“listen,” darry let himself into the room, sitting down on the bed and bringing a hand up to rub soda’s back. “i know you feel lousy, and i know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but you’ve gotta get back to living, soda. you’ve just gotta. we couldn’t get along without you.”

soda rolled over and sat up, and darry had to swallow a gasp at the state of his brother. soda’s eyes were rubbed raw and angry red from crying with deep shadows stamped under them, his hair was sticking up at all angles from the grease he hadn’t washed out in days, and his clothes were wrinkled and hanging loosely off of him.

“soda…”

darry could hardly get the word out before soda had thrown himself at his big brother, tears starting up again. god, he was so tired of crying.

“i’m so sorry,” he cried miserably, clutching to darry with everything he had in him.

darry felt the tears hit his shoulder and his heart ached for his little brother, “i know, i ain’t mad at you, honey.”

“mom and dad just wanted me to graduate and i couldn’t even do that! how am i supposed to do anything if i can’t do that?” soda sobbed.

“they’re not mad at you either, baby, don’t say that,” darry could feel tears prickling in his own eyes.

“listen, i don’t care if you’re lyin’ to me,” soda leaned back, his eyes not meeting darry’s. “but can you please tell me it’s gonna be okay.”

darry felt like he had missed a step going down stairs with the way the words made his stomach drop. he grabbed soda’s face in his hands and forced his brother to look at him.

“it’s gonna be okay, baby. i don’t know when and i don’t know how but i promise you, we’re gonna be okay. i’m gonna make sure we are.”

he wasn’t sure soda believed him, and maybe he didn’t even fully believe himself, but he had made a promise, and he had every intention of making good on it. some of the tension soda had been holding in his shoulders seemed to melt away, and darry knew he would be okay with saying everything over and over again if it meant soda didn’t have to be so scared.

“thank you… i know you hate lying to us.”

“i wasn’t lying.”

[urgonnagofar]

8/9 doing fine, like i always am

i just handed in my badge on the last day of my internship. it’s weird. it’s not like i LOVED it here, but it just feels weird that it’s over. it’s also just another step closer to moving away. i talked to one of my coworkers for the first time today. his cubicle is directly across from mine and i had pretty much never spoken to him, but he asked me a couple questions as we were walking back to our desks and we ended up talking about my robotics team for like fifteen minutes. i should have talked to more people earlier on, because i know it would have made me a lot less anxious, but whatever. i also talked to the guy i’ve mostly been working with for the last time which just felt really weird. they’ve told me like at least a dozen times that im welcome back next summer so im going to have to think about that. im just confused abt this ending emotionally i cant decide if i want to cry about it or not.

i leave in exactly a week and i’ve barely started packing and my room is still a mess and i think that im just not gonna sleep at all next week and it’ll be fine. i just keep telling myself it’ll be fine and not really making progress. but oh well. it’ll be fine.

i came out to my mom last night. it was just kind of a well. that happened. sort of thing. she was supportive and accepting which is really all you can ask for i guess. went about how i expected it would.

i’m hanging out w my friends tonight. somehow everything has a way of becoming an argument with my mom. she wants me home at a certain time so my brother can take my car or whatever but like this is one of the last times i’ll see my friends. i’m gone in a week. i’m going to miss them so fucking much and it feels like every moment together counts now. every time i hang out with my friends ends up with me sitting alone in my car listening to you’re gonna go far and crying lately. very cathartic. highly recommend.

this journal entry has been brought to you from the parking lot of my internship because it feels weird to drive away for the last time

[fictional-lvr]

Stupid. Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

A/N: THIS IS SO SHORT??? I HATE WRITING. also plz reblog if you have the time and wanna support :) enjoy and have a lovely day!

Summary: Bsf!Eddie walks in on reader being emo abt how scared they are for Eds and they end up confessing their love for each other. Very sappy, real stupid, I kinda hate it.

Contains: Reader crying, Eds crying, petnames (baby, sweetheart, honey, love), bad writing tbh I haven’t written in so long, au where Eddie never died, just fluff

-------------------------------------------

Eddie Munson is stupid. He is your stupid, dumb, idiotic, best friend that you are so obviously in love with and he just walked in on you violently sobbing. “fuck off, Eddie.” You groaned, tossing the pillow from under your head at him. You, Steve, and Dustin crashed at his trailer after a long night of plotting ways to beat those grimy little demobats, not wanting to risk failure after Eddies run-in with them last time. Eddie made a confused face and threw his hands up. “It’s my room fuckface, what’s wrong?” His tone quickly changed when he finally comprehended that you were crying. Eddie walked over and sat down at the foot of his bed that he insisted you sleep in last night. “’M just really tired, Eds, it’s fine.” You sighed, rubbing a hand down your face, but Eddie knew you better than anyone, you had become incredibly close after he became a literal fugitive and you and the gang became accomplices. “okay I know I still haven’t graduated, but I’m not that dumb, hun.” Eddie complained, rolling his eyes at you. You sighed and curled up next to him, kinda like a cat tbh. He placed a hand on your back “C’mon, sweetheart, you know you can tell good ol’ Eds what’s wrong.” You scoffed, accepting your fate and taking a deep breath. “I really am so tired, Eddie. I’m so tired of the upside-down, and Vecna, and those stupid fucking bats that almost killed your dumbass, and I’m scared. I’m really scared, Eds. I’m so afraid that next time, we won’t get off that easily, that one of us isn’t gonna come back up. I mean, let’s be realistic, love, you almost didn’t come back up last time.” Eddie teared up a bit while you were talking, the only other time you saw him cry was when he nearly bled out in front of you and Dustin. “God, y/n. Sappy much?” He sniffled, wiping unfallen tears out of his eyes. “Sweetheart, I promise you I’m not going anywhere. It’s gonna take a lot more than a few bats listening to Metallica to kill Eddie fucking Munson, baby.” You smiled a bit, but you weren’t convinced. “God, babe, didn’t realize you were that worried.” He said smugly, grinning at you as you rolled your eyes, getting irritated that he wouldn’t take you seriously. He snickered before speaking again. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in love with me.” He nudged your head. You shot up and were now sitting straight up facing him, an angry look adorning your features. “Of course I’m in love with you, you stupid fucking dumbass!” You yelled, huffing and throwing your arms around animatedly. Eddie froze, his face dropped and you couldn’t make out what he was thinking in the slightest. “What?” It was quiet, soft, like he was afraid of breaking the tension in the room. Tears stinged your eyes as you tried to harshly blink them away, you got up and began to turn to walk out of Eddies room but Eddie quickly interrupted. “Hey, honey, wait-” He began. “God, Munson, are you fucking stupid?! I just I was literally in love with you and you call me ‘honey’? Jesus, it’s like you want me to be miserable.” Eddie was shocked, you’d never talked to him like that, let alone yelled at him in a serious manner. He sniffled, quickly pulling himself together and regaining composure. “I- I’m sorry, honey, I was just so shocked. Should’ve said something quicker. I love you too. Shit, man do I love you. Just ask Dustin, man. Poor kid has listened to me talk about it for months.” He pulled you into his lap and you snuggled your head into his shoulder before he continued. “’M so sorry, y/n, I thought I was making it obvious.” You took in a shaky breath at his confession. He’s so fucking dumb, but then again, so were you. “We are both so, so, stupid.” You chuckled. Eddie starting laughing, jostling your body along with his. “Yeah. We’re so dumb.” He giggled. From then, as cliché as it is, it was history. You had your stupid little happily ever after and your dumb little lovely life, and you were so glad you can’t, for the life of you, censor yourself.

[yakocchi]

Becoming a Family With Him, Part 3 // Shuichi, Hikaru, Rhion, Luke, Eisuke

so this came out, as further celebration for the anni. VERY GOOD, much more appreciated than the prior story set lol that one was kind of boring but i get it

they made the kids for all the... kid-less ones, and the eisuke one that used to be VIP-exclusive is now here for everyone to buy (rip those ppl who gacha for it)

my rambling behind the cut (spoilers!!)

shuichi // as ud expect, shuichi has a literal hime ass looking girl (kikyo) for a daughter. she’s only 6, but is pretty calm and ladylike. She even calls her parents with –sama so... ok luckily shuichi does not strip down all the way in the presence of her daughter and only takes off his suit coat. thanks dad

anyway since shuichi has a break coming up, he wants to have a family trip how nice. but then the dang girl wants to go over to see eisuke WHAT when soryu exists and lives a block away? unrelatable, im closing the app anyway eisuke is her first love, which wtf he’s like 20 yrs older than u. even worse, mc says she’s been in love since she was like 3.

shuichi is reconsidering the benefits of democracy in his mind but eventually relents. but then they’re still following the fucc-days rule they set years ago. well, as he says in the story, RULES ARE RULES

blah blah i don’t want to go over everything bc then it’ll be boring reading the story when it comes out in engl right? also im tired bc it’s 1 am and i just want to play toontown in bed but nothing really bad happens. they are a v cute family bc shuichi is a pleasant and mature dad. kikyo and mc even do a little surprise for him at the end and it is very sweet. i feel like out of all the families, this is the most ideal

mad hatter // so they have twin sons named Rui and Kai. Rui is the childlike one that resembles Rhion in personality, Kai is the more mature one that resembles Al. man i forget that boy’s name but u get me i know they only can use stock bgs but it’s killing me that these dang kids get to sleep in what looks like separate king sized beds.

even though rhion is now a father of two, he still acts like... 10. i mean he still horni but it makes me feel weird

later it’s revealed that Ota teaches them both as an art tutor bc they both showed an interest in art. this is cute bc ota is bad with kids in this universe LOL

the ending on this one was weird cuz the kids didn’t show up in the entirety of the last ep bc it was about WORK. so uh... interesting

hikaru // so their son is named akari. haha get it because it means light. like how hikaru also means light. can mc name her kids unrelated to their father or is that against the Geneva convention

this kid actually acts like an actual little boy. like what hikaru would’ve probably turned into if not for the whole sad backstory. the story starts with akari just bringing a dog randomly home one day. he actually saved the dog (it is very cute bc he did not want the dog to cry), and then after a talk they decide to keep the dog as long as akari knows the responsibility of taking care of an animal.

so next day, the bidders come over to their house and everyone’s like woaw a dog. lol they come into their house as guests and eisuke and mamo still demand for beverages, they all suck

akari names the dog... “Light” (Raito) and i want out of this nightmare. Naturally bc Light is an abandoned dog it’s still kind of bad with interacting with things. But then Light suddenly be giving the ( ╹ਊ╹) to soryu bc remember, animals love him. everyone clowns on soryu for being an unintentional dog whisperer and then akari is like “soryu san pls make me ur apprentice” and he gives some advice like approaching it slowly, and talking to it from the front instead of back.

blah blah there’s a situation where Light goes YEET after a Doberman gets all angry and then hides bc then another dog is scaring it. hikaru swoops in to the save the day as the Real Dog Whisperer. ok it’s cute when hikaru actually gets to look cool  for once LOL

luke // luke is cute on the bc “pre-story” scene he’s actually pretty open to the idea of having kids; he actually goes “well imo we should think abt it pretty soon, but i wanted to hear ur opinion on it” but then he gets horni. and then he’s like “our kids are going to have your collarbones. awesomeee im looking forward to that” ....ok

ok cut to the actual story and they’re in Japan. Luke’s kid looks... strange versus the others. why are his eyes so big? omg voltage his eyes arent going to be saucers just cuz he half white also the kid’s name is Yuri (Or Urey). They couldn’t think of any other Brit-styled names? Like Harry? Henry? William? Wilfred? hey stan be my princess btw he’s pretty cute, though he gives serious “timid kid that gets bullied in the children’s movie” vibes. He calls Luke “daddy” and mc “mammy/mommy”.

so luke talks about his relationship w/ soryu and eisuke and then yuri is like “i want friends like that” wow cute but also find less ethically-complicated friends

so luke lets yuri meet a young patient of his (haru) so they can be friends. they get along so it’s good. haru gets in critical condition later so luke zooms outta there to do the operation.

LOL but at the end yuri is like, “i want to make more friends. (...) can i go to the bidder’s room from now on?” this boy works fast

And then he’s like “Eisuke-san... please be my friend.” HIS POWER. even eisuke was like :O so then eisuke orders a whole bunch of food and books up to the penthouse. But then yuri’s like “...i like eisuke’s eyes” and everyone’s like oh man that’s gonna be his fetish

Baba: why have u started to have an interest in eyes Yuri: I read it from one of daddy’s medical books Hikaru: wtf u can read that at 4??? (...) Soryu: wat Yuri: um... i want soryu to be my friend too Yuri: bc soryu’s eyes are also powerfully cool...

eisuke // ok this gets an extended ramble bc the more annoying the story the longer i must complain

so you might be thinking, “oh so this is gonna be a flashback in some in media res styled story with your 2 kids, u know in the style of the others” and well, no you just go straight to white screen into the flashback, back when eito was smaller and thus a little more cute. well it’s not really false advertising bc they did say “reminisce” in the description. but i wanted to see eito be a good big brother for a moment! or... less good? man i wanted to see kaito go waaaah like a baby idk i wanted to see him exist

so back to the story they cut to small eito. even as a smaller punk he does fight with his dad a little, just w/ a more narrow vocabulary to work with. tho at this point he’s still pretty sweet so clearly eisuke clowning him day and night was a negative effect on his development. (doesn’t treat his child like a child) (child grows up to a punk that doesn’t respect him) (surprised pikachu) being the son of a billionaire means that this child has to go study at a very young age and listen to MOZART. no child of eisuke ichinomiya will be listening to degenerate bops like lee taemin’s criminal next day they all go to the very fancy school that eito will be attending. eisuke does a speech, but then eito is all like “why is papa over there all the time” in reference to how all the other parents in attendance are having fun with their children, but eisuke is busy talking to other people for business and connections etc. etc. mc kind of has a hard time trying to explain it to eito bc... it’s honestly poor parenting... eiji shows up after arriving late, and he’s like “gramps is gonna be with ya today! instead of papa” which is cute but then she’s like psst thanks for coming and im like oh... so grandpa just didn’t randomly come to the open house for fun he’s just gonna be surrogate dad while real dad is busy... aw... and then at the end eito’s like FUC THIS KINDERGARTEN. eisuke is like “(smh) don’t yell in public. (despite everything) you are still the eldest son of the Ichinomiya family”

and so afterwards it’s clear that eito does not want anything to do with this school. he just sits in the classroom until mc is there to pick him up instead of playing in the courtyard or w/e, wanting nothing to do with the other kids.

so later there’s a hiking trip for the students and both of their parents, and mc asks eisuke if he’ll be available for it. eisuke is like, “i have a business trip that day, so I’ll have to adjust my schedule” and he’s been very busy in the opening of a new business or w/e. mc tells him to not do so much for something like that and that it’s ok if she goes alone with eito on the trip.

it’s the day of the trip, and mc goes alone with eito. she notes that a lot of dads did indeed come along for the trip. she apologizes to eito and says that she did talk to eisuke about the trip before, but he’s simply busy for this day. and im like... but girl, you were the one who told him not to change his schedule for the trip. yes a trip may seem less important than business ventures, but don’t make it sound like you weren’t the one who stopped him. lol. idk why im pressed abt this single line of dialogue bc later she does realize she fucced up there well eito is just like w/e about it and has pretty much accepted that sort of thing

anyway eito goes missing later and one of the kids said that he told eito that his dad (eisuke) didn’t come bc his dad thinks that his work is more important than his son. so eito got mad and ran off somewhere

and then mc finally gets the lightbulb moment that eito... wants to see his dad!! he ran off to go try to see him somehow??? !! wow so sweet

it’s raining like a mf but then in her search for eito eisuke randomly pops out of nowhere. He’s like “ho i did not remember saying that i wasn’t coming” and she’s like “im sorrryyy” and both me and him are like “just find the dang kid”

ok yea they find eito, he starts being a good student, and u start to see where he starts being antagonistic towards his dad LOL etc. etc. lol this story annoyed me so i don’t feel like doing the rest of the play by play orz

anyway thanks for reading my garbage LOL

[imagines-mha]

class 1-B and night routines

Monoma: if monoma doesn’t annoy at least 2 people per night he simply will not sleep. Wears the comfiest pyjamas- like a 100% cotton top and plaid pj bottoms and everyones so fuckin jealous. He tells everyone he has a 16 step self-care routine he does every night but he really just brushes his teeth and then sits on his phone for like 2 hours? Ike what do you GET out of lying??? 

Tetsutetsu: he thinks going to bed after 11pm is criminal. Literally doesn’t understand the cryptidcrew™️ who DONT MF SLEEP. Works out before bed which is 👌🏻👌🏻 OOF. Aw hes the type of friend to make everyone tea and toast and send them asmr videos if they cant sleep i love him. He usually spends his night dancing around with pony and working off all his ENERGY

Kendo: “yall im turning into bed i’m too tired for this shit” “kendo it’s 7pm”

My girl will retire to her room as early as she can (usually with the rest of the girls) and she just RELAXES. Like self-care to the max: paints her nails, watches tv, plans her tomorrow, showers. She’s usually asleep at 10pm and wakes up the next morning full energy I want what she has

Awase: he has the WORST sleep schedule like fr. Literally sits up on tiktok until 3am and he’s just like “oh shit i’m up at 7…” *continues scrolling* like bro GET UR ASS TO BED U HAVE TRAINING AT 6AM. His night routine ain’t anything special- he sleeps in sweats and always keeps his window open (although someone told him about banshees once and now hes lowkey terrified lmao)

Kaibara- the type to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up at 4 in the morning to find tsuburaba in the kitchen eating a full course meal and he just SIGHS and goes up to bed in the worst mood bc why tf are his friends so WEIRD. Likes to watch the stars and edit pictures before he sleeps- its so therapeutic to him and also productive so he’s winning

Rin- he drinks coffee every night after midnight and then goes “oh my fuck shit i just drank coffee why am i like this” like congrats u fuckin dumbass now u ain’t gonna sleep. And he never fuckin learns. Always does his hw at like 11pm, Also stays up way too late binge-watching star wars smh 

Tsuburaba: he gets up every night and treats himself to a three-course meal in the kitchen no cap no sound awareness my man will be blending shit full blast at 2 in the morning. Usually falls asleep sitting at the kitchen table and he 👏🏻 needs 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 chiropractor 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Also always forgets to do his homework until everyone’s packing up to go to bed and hes like “please,, anyone,, the math?”. Shoda wants to punch him so bad

Ibara: the most well-structured person in the entire building. At 7pm she has her shower, at 8:30pm she goes to pray, at 9:30pm she journals and draws to calm her mind, and at 10pm she meditates until she falls asleep- which is usually 10:20pm.. Everyone wants her self control and independance like damn how does she FUNCTION. Also queen of vegan self-care remedies 

Pony: girl is chaotic as fuck it’ll be like 10pm and rin’s like “yo pony can i copy the hw??” And shes like “WHAT HOMEWORK.” . *cue two idiots freaking tf out*. She’s always wearing matching pj sets and fluffy socks and loves sliding around in them like a dork. Dances every night before bed to tire herself out like shes just in the lounge deadass vibing to taylor swift and a new person joins her everytime . people would be dead without her

Kodai: movies every night or she won’t go to class the next morning. Shes always just sitting on her phone w earphones in like she has absoloutely no time to deal with monoma’s shit so she just peaces tf out of existence. Cutest pyjamas ever i love her pyjama queen. The go-to girl for homework she just leaves her bag open, as long as u return it shes cool

Tokage: oh my god shes so CRYPTIC and FOR WHAT. Pranks pranks pranks pranks pranks. everyone hates her for it and she loves it so bad. Like she has the balls to prank kamakiri and that TAKES BALLS LET ME JUST SAY . she’ll just leave her body parts in people’s beds and its SO annoying. They usually just pick up her stray arm and fling it at the wall in revenge then act confused the next morning when she complains abt the bruises 

Komori: cryptic as fuck. Does she sleep? Why is she always sitting at the table? What is she doing? . Closes her tabs whenever someone comes into the dining room and just stares at them til they leave again like :)). In the garden every night til she can’t bear the coldness- watches the stars and makes flower crowns and worships the moon i love her

Kuroiro: nighttime is the time he just evaporates like where tf is he like 🙄�� reel it in randy from monsters inc . Hiding in the walls and listening to everyones conversations and secrets is his only skill in life . Everyone thinks he doesn’t sleep and just wanders around (he does, he just likes to have an edgy reputation)

Kamakiri- did you hear that?? oh its just kamakiri fistfighting monoma in the hallway again. Fr takes no prisoners he needs his beauty sleep (or idk do bugs sleep lmao??). If you’re in his way while he’s RAMPAGING to his room youre dead bro when i say he takes bedtime routines seriously i MEAN it. He does self-care and tells NOONE but its lowkey cute idk lmao why do i have a crush on a bug lemme call my therapist real quick

Bondo- 9pm. Wind down time. A good book is all my mans needs and he’ll be out for the count in absolutely no time at all. Fukidashi will die jealous and bondo fucking loves it. Milks tf out of it too he’s like YAWN I AM SO TIRED OFF TO BED NOW TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY GOODNIGHT and everyone who WISHES they could sleep as early as that wants him to choke

Manga- king of never having hw done until 1am at the earliest 🤡. He lives on 1 hour sleep most nights and his speech bubble just says “no <3” until like 11am. Its cus of his crippling hyperactivity he’s running the halls at 3am practicing the entire mamma mia choreography ffs fukidashi U HAVE A CAREER AHEAD OF U 

Reiko: energy drink addiction 101 if she doesn’t drink monster every night before bed she’s convinced she’ll die. “I sleep all day and party all night” she says, crying over math hw at 2am. Plays music too loud and has LED strobelites on ALL NIGHT. Shes deadass doing witchcraft in the lounge w komori all night during finals week she doesnt give a single fuck x

Shishida: another reader,, mans will finish an entire book in a night by the force of sheer willpower alone. Takes a bath every night and it makes his fur so fluffy and smell like apples smdnwjdnwd. Perfect snuggle buddy for wintertimes (pony LOVES HIM) and he’s that good man who carries tsuburaba to bed when he falls asleep at the kitchen table

Shoda: “please don’t speak to me while im doing my homework im 👌🏻 this close to having a mental breakdown and all it takes is a single poke to reel me over the edge.” Complains all day about being tired then goes to bed at 2am?? Like no shit ofc ur tired bitch . Always up for a deep talk at night he knows EVERYTHING abt EVERYONE and hes so trustworthy hed never tell a soul

Honenuki: he meal preps and does yoga before bed 🤢 like WHO HAS THAT MOTIVATION. Irons and sets his uniform out for the next day before getting his homework FINISHED by 9pm . He’s pretty flexible w what he does at nights it 100% depends on his mood. Usually he’s helping Tokage with pranks or working out w tetsutetsu tho. Used to annoy people who were up doing hw after 11 like “really tsuburaba? You should be ashamed”. Shoda almost DECKED him once for it tho and he was #traumatised and never did it again

[seongwhy]

ateez reaction the their crush making the first move

hongjoong

hongjoongie !!! would be so happy !!! that you felt that way about him !!!!

he didnt make a move bc he didnt wanna make u uncomfy :(( so he disregarded his feelings for u

unknowingly to him, u like him back !!!

but since this lucky man didnt get the hint (and with all the touching and attempted flirting you're surprised he didnt)

you decided you had to make the first move

but being all nervous and shi ,, you gotta plan it out

just like hongjoong u dont wanna make him uncomfy !! yall the same mfs

so what u planned to do was grab some takeout and bring it to hongjoong when hes producing an chat him up an shit

and once u get to his place and have him all alone your heart starts racing

and so does his !!

and you're eating and laughing and has showing you a beat he just made

and you put your hand on his leg and hes like big eyes blushing and his mouth drops a lil

and you're like 'this is rlly good hongjoongie' bITHX HES CRYIGN

IM CRYING

and you lean in and kiss him on the corner of his mouth and hes just

'o-oh thank you' he says

and u smile at him and ask him to show you more

he takes a second to recover but blushes even more

and ur ready to kiss him til he stops blushing

so u do

but he doesnt

seonghwa

seonghwa tries his best ok

he just really likes you

so he ends up stuttering and tripping and literally falling for you

like oh one time he was trying to bring you water and he got too excited and was running and some of the water from the full glass fell on the floor and he just slid right on that shit

thank god you had your back turned talking to yunho bc holy shit he didnt know what hed do if u saw that

but the rest of the boys will never let him live that down

'hyung, remember when u fell trying to get water fo-' 'shut up wooyoung'

but seonghwa is just a shy lil boy around you fam

and it's not like you didnt notice bc hed be rlly chill rlly calm and funny when he doesnt know you're around

and then he sees you and hes all 'o-oh hi I'm going to go w-wash the dishes' he cleans when hes stressed

and when u ask the boys what's up w him they're like '..... are u dumb'

anyway after that it was just so obvious

youd catch him staring and make eye contact and hed look away so fast

but you didnt miss dem red ass cheeks

and you honestly like the attention he gives you

and when he gains a little confidence around you and makes a joke or does girl group dances or smth

you cant resist him

so one day you go over to the dorm and tell all the boys that they're all gonna have to leave so that u can get seonghwa to yourself

and they reluctantly agree bc 'but I'm tireddddd'

and when seonghwa gets home hes like . where is everyone.

and you're like 'oh them??? they just went to the store to get snacks I'm sure theyll be back soon come watch this show w me'

and hes like ,,, right

and you're just smiling and nodding and patting the seat next to you

so he sits obviously sweating

and you're watching this show and hes watching you

with every laugh nd movement his stomach coils a lil

and after a bit you look at him

and you're looking at each other

and you're eyes are watching his lips and you just say yolo and go for it

hes taken aback at first but leans into it

and you're a rlly good kisser

then you pull back nd hes looking at you with the prettiest smile on the prettiest face you've ever seen

'thank u' he says 'for what?' 'for that'

'just kiss me again dummy'

yunho

puppy!! lil baby boy!!!

ok so like the first part , let's say you two have been besties for a while now

and it's just a mutual attraction and mutual liking ykno

but yunho doesnt want to mess up the friendship you guys have by trying anything

the members are all 'bruh she likes you back' and hes like 'nuh-uh you're lying'

like.... they told u sis

and one day wooyoung tells you like.. listen sis yunho has a crush on you but he refuses to do anything abt it bc hes worried itll ruin your friendship that I wouldnt even call a friendship bc of all the sexual tension but wtvr

and you slap him across the chest for that last part but

wait,,, yunho has a crush on you ?????

'are u sure ???' 'yes, bITCH ARE U BLIND'

blind w love babyyyyyyyy

this is groundbreaking news bc what the heck your longtime crush and bff likes you back !!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

so one day bc you guys are honestly just so comfy around each other and you've been holding back for so long theres no reason to delay this any longer

you walk up to his room where the door is closed and knock on it (u guys have a special knock)

and he opens and you latch onto him and kiss him

tangling your hand in his hair and clutching the shirt hes wearing

and he immediately kisses you back

no hesitation

but then

'guys. I'm still in here. like im happy for u but god just do a quick room check next time will ya' san says walking out of the room shaking his head

you both blush and turn to look at each other

yall laugh then shrug your shoulders and yunho says 'are u sure abt this? I dont want to wreck what we have'

'I'm more excited about what we're gonna have baby' you say, and he smiles, nods and leans in to kiss you again hehehehehe

yeosang

ok dis man loves his chocolate

and you know that so .. you decide to make him sum desserts!! a whole bunch

bc you LIKE HIM

and u want him to LIKE YOU

and the best way to get yeosang to fall for u is by giving him chocolate right

but what you didnt know is that he already likes you (shocker!!!)

so you bake up some brownies and cookies and cupcakes and idek other chocolate tings

and bring them all over to the dorm for him to try

and hes so excited !! 'chocolate!!! for me !!!!'

'yes !! all for u yeosangie'

he just looks as you in awe and love

and picks up a fork ready to take a bite

he stops tho and looks at you and licks his lips

and you blush but laugh

and he puts the food in his mouth and just dies because its SO GOOD

and hes just mouth open eyes wide 'holy shit'

'what?? you dont like it'

'nonononono I LOVE IT'

and he runs around the kitchen counter and hugs you so tight

'thank you!! this is amazing!!' he says looking directly into your eyes

'youre amazing' you say

'what?' he says 'o-oh nothing nothing I didnt say anything'

',,,, you just called me amazing !!! omg YOU JUST CALLED ME AMA-'

hes cut off by you pressing your mouth against his

he pulls away and says 'what was that for?'

'I had to get you to shut up somehow'

yeosang laughs and leans down towards you but gets cut off again!!!! this time with a 'omg are these cookies??????'

',,, get out mingi'

san

bruh yunho looks so funny wtf

sannie is such a happy boy :(

his life goal is making you laugh or smile

he just wants u to be happy!!! and his smile is so contagious!!!

and that's why you fell for him

and now everytime he makes u laugh or smile or smth a lil bit of a blush creeps up your cheeks

san doesnt seem to notice tho but you're ok with that

n e way

yall get along rlly well

hes the reason you're at the dorm every friday night for movie night

and someone chooses a horror movie

its scawwy

and san (tho also scared) sits next to you so he can whisper jokes to u throughout the movie

through hushed giggles and smiles at one another u realize u wanna be in a relationship w this guy

and the next time you're at the dorm, you decided nows the time to make it happen

but when u see san he doesnt seem like himself hes slouched down on the couch cuddling with his stuffed animal staring at the tv screen with nothing playing

when he sees you walk over to him he perks up a lil but not like he usually would

so u sit next to him and ask what's wrong

he fiddles his thumbs and doesnt look at you

so u rub his shoulder and put your other hand on his thigh and ask him again

this time he just looks at you

'I'm sorry' he says

'for what?' 'you're not smiling and it's my fault'

'san!!!! it's ok you dont have to be happy all the time!!!! especially not for me'

his head hangs and he sighs

you lift his head and kiss him slightly

'its ok' you whisper

instead of saying anything back, he leans his forehead to yours

you kiss him again

and again on his lips cheeks forehead nose hands

and by the end of it hes shyly smiling

'there it is!! theres my boy'

he hugs you and for the rest of the day you stay snuggled up on the couch

that day it was up to you make him smile

and you did !!!

mingi

mingo mango

the gif is what he looks like whenever you're near him

hes always whining for you whenever you're not

and when hongjoong sent you a video of mingi doing just that you though it was the funniest thing ever

'I wish y/n was here you're all a bunch of losers' 'you guys suck!!! I miss y/n'

freakin hilarious

this is something u love making fun of him for

liek damn mingi am I that special? I didnt know u liked me that much? u got a crush on me mango?

and u notice that whenever you ask that question, no matter how much of a joke it is, he never gives you an answer

but u dont rlly think about it until you start developing a crush on him

at first it's like,, oh what a baby hes so cute eating the food I made for him

and then it's like wow I wish he would dance on me like dat me too sis

and then u start complaining whenever hes not around 'wheres mingi?? I've been waiting for like an hour' nd 'ykno what would make this even better? mingi'

and everyone is like ok we get it u like mingi

and when mingi catches whiff of this oh boy it's over for you

'so ig it's me that's special now huh?' he tells you one night

'what?' 'u gotta crush on meeeeeee y/n's gotta crush on mingiiii'

and you roll your eyes because . idiot

but then step closer to him and say 'maybe I do'

and that's when his eyes go wide 'wait rlly???' he asks and you can hear the hope in his voice

'all I'm saying is that if you kissed me rn I wouldnt be opposed' is what you say back

and kiss you he does

wooyoung

ok so wooyoungie and u

have such blatant chemistry

yall are constantly flirting and idk yall just click

but u dont notice it

I mean u see the eyebrow wiggles and sly smiles some of the members give u

but all that does is confuse you

one day when wooyoung is in the washroom yunho says 'so you nd wooyoung huh?'

and you're like ...huh

yunhos like 'u dont like him? all yall do is flirt'

and when he says that a whole wall came down in your head

a wall blocking you from accessing emotions of attraction and love and shit you're emotionally scared sis

and you turn firetruck red

yunho just laughs and says 'I knew it'

wooyoung comes back and asks what's going on

'I'll just leave u two alone' yunho says chuckling

you glare at him as he leaves youre gonna get him back for that

but wooyoung doesnt sense anything and swings his arm around your shoulders pulling you into him

and he asks what you wanna do for the night

but you're quiet and distracted with these new feelings you've just found out you have

wooyoung asks if you're okay

and you look up at him but suddenly cant look at him in his eyes. his really pretty eyes

so you turn around and go to grab your stuff bc you 'forgot abt that... thing' you have to do

wooyoung, confused watches you scurry across the room

'uh.. ok.. I'll see you tomorrow?'

'yeah yeah see you' you say not looking at him

you just need to figure your feelings out and then you can see him again

so back home you're racking your brain tryna figure out if theres anything you can do to stop yourself from falling in love w wooyoung

and speak of the devil, u get a call from wooyoung

u contemplate not picking up but decide that wooyoung is still your best friend

'hello?' 'y/n!!! are you ok?? you left really suddenly earlier' 'yeah wooyoung I'm fine dw'

'are you sure? we dont want the prettiest person alive to feel sad now do we?'

you open your mouth to say something back but nothing comes out

'y/n?'

you feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you ask 'are you still free?'

'uh for u? always'

blushing even harder now you say 'I'm coming over' and end the call

once you get there you're knocking on the door frantically

wooyoung opens up with a 'jeez y/n what's the ru-'

you basically jump on him and kiss him hard

you latch your hands onto his shirt nd he wraps his hands around your waist

when you pull away for air, wooyoungs looking at you with a smile on his puffy red lips

you smile back and say 'that was the rush'

wooyoung smiles harder and pulls you back into him

'took you long enough'

jongho

jongho cant believe u two have met

you're one of his favourite new idols

and you met at a show

and you told him how amazing ateez's performance was

blushing, he tells you how much he likes your music

you ask him if hes hungry to which he says yes bc 1) hes always hungry and 2) he cant say no to u ever

so u buy him one of those sandwiches w the jam and the coleslaw or wtvr you know what I'm talking about

and you sit to talk and eat for a while before you have to leave

you ask for his number and tell him you'll call him sometime

and you do

all the time

at first hes shy and boyish which makes you laugh

but after a while he gets comfy and will brag and sing to you and joke

you guys catch each other up on everything

he tells you all about the boys and the boys all about you

and you realise how good a listener this guy is nd how handsome!! and cute

and so at the next show you see him at you walk up to him

and with your heart doing flips and take his hand and tell him to walk around with you

he does and you lead him to a less busy hallway where you just look at him and say 'I like you'

jonghos like... wait. huh. what. wait i- and hes blushing so much even his ears turn red

'me? you like me? bc I like you too and if you're joking or something I would be really sad and I've told the members that I like you and they made fun of me so this would be great of u did like me but if you dont and this is a joke id be really upset' and hes rambling and not looking you in the eye

so you lean in and kiss him

'it's not a joke' you say

'its,, not a joke? are you sure?' 'I'm sure'

'you're sure' 'are you going to keep repeating everything I say? or are u gonna kiss me again?'

jongho, blushing even harder now, chooses the second option

[staarblaster]

Chapter Three

Hey, guys, before I upload chapter three I want to add another really boring announcement. School starts up again in tomorrow days, and I know my uploading schedule will be scarce. However, I will try to have chapters up whenever I can. Anyways here is chapter three and four, four is going up with a separate post. My posting schedule will be pretty random and I will post when I can. Also,, I’m gonna take a hiatus, for a month(?) 

Chapter Three

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself”-Mark Twain

Perfection (n):  the embodiment of being perfect

My grandmother was my hero when I was little she would tell me stories about her childhood. Growing up her father was a sound technician for MGM and her mother did the makeup and sometimes the celebrities would come over on special occasions like her birthday.

I suppose that’s what prompted her to want to work in the media and journalism.

She used to tell me stories of her adventures,  across Europe and her interviews with varying monarchies. It was on a train back to California where she met my grandfather,  she was drinking a scotch soda, which unbeknownst to him was more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends who were coming down to California, she was drinking a scotch soda, unbeknownst to him had more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends, she watched in silence with both curiosity and intrigue, occasionally getting glares from the men sitting around the table.

She watched as her future husband flushed hundreds, more like thousands of dollars into the game until she confidently said she was going to play next which got a few hearty chuckles, which caused her to roll her eyes, most of them were drunk and she had a very good poker face.  As the game commenced she managed to not just win back the money but two engagement rings, a pocket watch, and even her husband’s heart.

She used to tell me at the end of every story that curiosity and wit were our greatest gifts and with them, we could solve any mystery.

But once she died she became like a ghost, pictures of her were removed, only leaving rumors of her behind.

I couldn't let her disappear, so I decided to conduct my own private investigation.

When I was a little kid and I found a picture of her and my grandfather and my mom. I smiled as I held my first real lead.

In the picture, my grandparents looked so happy and then I noticed my mom hiding behind her leg. Slowly and gently I tried to remove the picture from the frame,  and as I slowly got it out my mom ripped the picture from my hands.

Her facial expression was a bright beet red as she violently ripped it out of my hands.

“Why can't you just play your role, Juliana? For once I'd like if you kept your nose of business that doesn't even involve you. ”

I felt the tears swell up inside of me. But, instead of fighting back my better instincts (crying) I immediately hugged my mom.

She sighed,

“I love you Jules...  sometimes I wish you'd be normal. Can you do that for me please?”

I nodded my head up and down slowly.

As she tucked me in again,  she kisses my head and holds the photograph in her hands, the next day I decided to take a little more time to try and fit in.

From then on stopped keeping my blonde hair up and let it down, I ditched my glasses for my more comfortable contacts.

I started to get involved more but it never seems to be enough for my parents. They kept insisting that I should do more, eventually leading me to dance and violin lessons (fortunately only lasting two years).

In the dance class, I realized that I was going to need ”subjects” after all a queen couldn't lead on her own.

In the dance class, I found the Chrissy's, they seem to have the dance studio under their boot heel.

If I could “liberate” them perhaps they'd follow me.

It didn't take long before I eventually made two friends in the class, Ophelia and Madison.

Madison was at least five foot eight and according to the Chrissy's had two left feet. She had light dyed purple hair and her eyes were a light Hazel although she seems like the last person that would be in the dance class she could actually dance pretty well. She would put the facade of insecurities but with confidently dance to Tchaikovsky. She was free to express who she was, as dancing was apart of her.

Ironically, however, being raised by a single dad and four brothers she had to keep the tougher shell in class for the sake of showing fragility. However, once she opened up she was loyal, dedicated and a really good listener.

Ophelia had a caramel skin tone, she was shy and had a shortened forearm but had the biggest heart.

She would walk dogs, and volunteer anywhere to show that she wasn't a girl with just a short arm.

As our friendship blossomed we decided that we would have a come have a “dance battle” against the Chrissy’s which was seen as ridiculous. But my girls and I were ready we could be successful.

However, on the day of our “battle” Ms. Clarke surprised us with all one-on-one auditions with Warren Academy, i.e one of the most prestigious art boarding school, it was basically Teen Julliard. Not everyone would make it in (obviously), but if you did you had potential to be a Broadway legend.

Krissy and I were unfortunately paired together and our theme was duality. One of us would play the person staring into the mirror “angel” and the other would play the reflection the “devil”.

Of course, yours truly got stuck playing the devil and Krissy had to defeat me. Everything was going smoothly but as soon as I was getting ready to give Krissy my final blow Krissy had stepped on my ankle hard.

She claimed that it was an accident only to tell her friends that was indeed deliberate which prompted a) Warren offered me a full scholarship b) my parents threatened to sue the dance studio and Krissy's parents of criminal action weren't taken.

Eventually, it was with Krissy being sent to juvie for two to five years.

As I began to start at my new school Maddie, Ophelia and I began to drift away from each other. I had to do well in this Art School even if I was alone.

Over time I gained a sort of popularity stemming from the incident with my ankle it just started casually saying that I broke it following an audition and then warping into a story of me breaking it while I was on a Broadway stage.

My attempts to quell the rumors only spawn more rumors and newfound popularity and a new boyfriend. My life completely changed when I entered Warren and I never expected any more changes.

---

Wednesday’s were personally my favorite day of the week: Dance team and theatre practice. We were putting on the musical Chicago.

I had gotten lucky and was allowed to the Assistant Choreographer.

Between that and balancing four classes, two of which being Advanced Placement it was a miracle I could stay focused.

I heard my phone’s alarm going off as well as an obnoxiously loud knock.  I tried to stop my alarm which was Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall from the speakers of my phone which I did kind of successfully.

I opened the door, I saw one of the girls from my dance team, her face was completely flushed, it was clear that she had ran to see me.

Her breathing was hitched, I awkwardly invited her inside my single room, and got her some water to drink which she drank eagerly. I recognized her immediately, she was Hana Andersen, a shy yet over-eager freshman on the dance team. She was a little rusty but was a little ball of energy when it came to freestyle.

“Han you wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked carefully.

My door was closed, so no one could see the empathy I had hidden for years.

Her hands started to shake and I gently started to coax her into speaking, and she gently took a small breath.

“I-I...Don’t think I’m fit to be at Warren,” she whispers.

Her tone is soft and a bit distressed, but still sad nonetheless.

I nodded,  gently taking her hand,

“You know.. I think you do. Everyone’s been in your shoes at least once. Hell, even you can’t expect to become a star overnight. If you want I can help you, at least if you want me too?”

Hana’s eyes light up as well as faintly brimmed with tears and she nods overzealously and immediately hugs me.

“Thank you! Thank you, Juliana...Jules!”

I nod and look at the time, 7:25 am. Shit, if  I’m not careful I’m going to miss breakfast.

“Meet in my room before dinner?”

She nodded again, as she opened the door and smiled, and said

“Pink Floyd's my brother’s favorite! ”

I smile and lie effortlessly,

“Same with mine.”

I closed the door behind me, I looked at the time again, 7:32. There was no way I was going to get breakfast in time, I had to take a shower and get ready for my advanced English class across campus.

I frowned, going straight to the back of my room grabbing my lilac and rosewater body wash.

I pulled out my school sweater and a pair of leggings, fortunately, there was also a pair of flats by my bed frame.

I grabbed my ID plus my shower stuff and was surprised at the silence as I walked through the hallway of my residence hall.

It was a nice contrast from the usual hustle and bustle I usually experienced which came from running several clubs and homework as well as living in New York.

As I got out of the shower and put on my “runway” outfit and I was greeted with several texts from my Dance Team Group chat and Jaxson (my boyfriend).

Where are you 😟

We’re abt to go on!! 💃🏻💃🏿👯

hey babe, dunno if you forgot lol u dont forget. First classes are canceled. the big pep rally with the new students. the dance team is looking for u! 8:25!

My eyes widened in shock, how could I have forgotten that. There was no time to change and I couldn’t miss this especially with the rumor of a Broadway talent scout in the audience.

I texted them both back

On my way!! ✨💜

I grabbed my backpack, my English Book and quickly ran to the gymnasium and I saw my team about to go out on the floor.

“H-hey! I’m here!”

Jaxson immediately hugs me,

“Jules! Thank god! ”

I smiled immediately kissing his cheek.

“Let’s get this show on the road!”

“You’re gonna kill it!” Jaxson said excitedly.

As we get ready to get on the dance floor Hana looks at me and then looks awkwardly at  Victoria who is scowling at me.

Victoria was about 5’7”, dark blonde hair and dark blue eyes, she was the lead in the musical who personally wanted my job as the assistant choreographer.

“What the fresh hell are you wearing?!” she hisses at me as we enter the gym.

I ignore her for a moment, but for a moment smile,

“I’m just showing school spirit”

As the music starts, I feel like I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, people murmuring to each other and then I make eyes with the talent scout. Her eyes are a cold and piercing amberish hazel and I can feel my hands shaking and I get cold and sweaty, it goes black almost immediately.

---

I’m in the woods, its calm, and  I know I’m not home. The surroundings are familiar yet strange and I could assume this could only be how this is how Alice felt when she fell down the rabbit hole.

I turn for a moment, seeing a girl, she couldn’t be older than me but if she is it has to be a least a year’s difference.

She looks at me with a small smile, there is a quartz crystal crown on her head. She walks closer to me, gently placing a warm hand on my cheek. Her voice is calm as she gently says.

“You need to wake up. We’ll meet again soon Jules. I promise”

My eyes shoot open and I realized that I was in the nurse’s office and I see Jaxson is holding my hand. He smiles looking at me with calm jade green eyes.

“You feeling okay?”He gently squeezed my hand.

Jaxson opens his mouth to start talking, almost immediately the school nurse comes in.

“You had a textbook anxiety attack. I’d recommend resting, I’ll write you a note excusing you from class. Just collect your homework.” she says as she writes something down on a blue slip of paper.

Jax holds my hand as I get out of the cot, and I take the blue slip from the nurse’s hand.

“Take it easy Jules... Don’t overexert yourself.” the nurse recommended.

As we exited the office Jax kissed my cheek, and walk around the campus to collect my textbooks.

“You wanna get lunch at my parent’s place. You didn’t get to eat breakfast today.”

I  was about to say yes but I got a text from Reyna, Victoria’s understudy for the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago.

Can u pls pls help w All that Jazz 😟

I sighed, telling myself I’d eat dinner, besides Reyna was more important especially with the show being the first mark as a choreographer. Sure, I had choreographed the dance team routines but this was bigger.

“We can grab lunch tomorrow?”

Jaxson kisses my forehead and walks off.

“Of course love”

Sure np! Lemme drop off my books.

I put my phone in my pocket, and I notice a tour going on the group looks pretty excited, but as the group gets closer, one of the girls sticks out.

She has a small silver stud in her right nostril, and her brown hair has been cut short. But otherwise, her other features look the exact same from when we were kids.

Under my breath, I silently muttered out of fear and confusion.

“Krissy?”

It couldn’t be, could it?

I unlocked the door to my dorm and dropped off my books and texted Reyna to let her know that I was on my way. As I walked into the room I checked my old group chat, the last messages were old invitations and good luck messages from Ophelia and Maddie.

Hey, I know I haven’t been on here much but I’m p sure I saw Krissy? Wanna meet for some 🍕 Maybe @ 7  ✨💜

I shove my phone into my pocket and heading to the music room and I see Reyna stretching on the bar, as she finishes, she notices me and gives me a smile.

“Ready?” I ask her curiously as I set up the music track up on my phone.

She nodded,

“As I’ll ever be.”

I nod,

“5...6, 7,8” As I hit the play button and watched her sing and dance, there were instances where she’s strong like her singing, but her dancing gets sloppy when the chorus hits. When I break down the routine, Rey starts to look and sound polished and I considered starting the routine of the Cell Block Tango when the bell rings, bringing lunch and our practice to a close.

“Thanks, Jules! You’ve saved my ass!” She hugs me happily and walks off.

I smiled and head back to my room ordering some lunch cause I am starving, I order a simple grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and as soon as I arrive I feel so much better and start with writing out my notes.

---

As the day slowly begins to wind down, slowly begins to wind down, I can see the sun begin to set. I check the old group chat for anything from my last message about Krissy and is met with silence, I sigh as I get myself in some dance clothes in preparation for practicing with Hana.

I check my phone again, still nothing, and as I let out a sigh until I heard a knock on the door. As I opened the door to see the smiling face of Hana who immediately hugs me.

I smile faintly,

“Okay, you ready to get to work?”

She nodded, her eyes light up instantly

“Heck yeah!”

I chuckled remembering my own enthusiasm from last year.

“I’ll go first.I’ll see how you do.”

I hit the play button and Zella Day’s Hypnotic comes on and as I count myself in, I let the music flow through me.

I smile a bit making myself look as if I am a siren entrancing a sailor in Ancient Greece. When the song ends Hana is staring, her hands visibly shaking.

“You’ve got this” I remind her gently.

She nods weakly and as I started the music she tries to replicate my moves, just like Reyna she is strong in some spots. I smile and start to dance with her until she’s more comfortable.

It’s not long before she’s getting it, I smile giving her a high five as she starts to nail the moves.

“Thank you so much, Jules!!”

I smile,

“Don’t mention it. I was gonna grab some pizza. You wanna join me?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Come on now! I’m paying.”

---

As Hana and I finish our pizza its almost 7:40, we’re laughing and joking but we pass by my house. All the lights are off, except for my bedroom light and the one in the attic. I also notice that my parents aren’t home, and  I stare at the window.

Hana looks up with me,

“Jules? You okay?” Han asks gently.

I blink snapping out of it,

“Yeah... You go back to Warren I’ll catch up. ”

She rose an eyebrow,

“You sure?”

I actually wasn’t too sure in all honesty, but instead of sending her away, I politely and calmly whispered.

“Keep watch.”

She nodded, but gasped silently,

“What if we get in trouble?”

I chuckled,

“This is my house, we’ll be okay..”

I went around back to the emergency exit and smiled looking at the slightly faded pink blossoms. I hated to uproot them but I found the spare key taking it to the front door. I ran back down and opened the door.

Hana looked around, her face etched with fear.

“Jules!” She whimpered.

“It’ll just take a minute!” I insisted.

As I go up the stairs to my room, I cringe at some old pictures, remembering how many hours it took to get right. I  push the door open to my bedroom, everything appears to be normal except a box made out of faded old wood is in the center of my bed.

I grabbed the box and closed the door and put the key back under the pot, and lead Hana back to Warren.

“That’s enough excitement for one day,” I say examining the box.

I run my fingers over it, and offer Hana a chance to look at it.

Hana picks it up, her hands fumbling over it, and the box awkwardly fell out of her hands.  The box falling to the ground,  a wedge from the bottom, peeking out. As she hands it back to me I slowly pry it back its contents spilling out. Letters, Photographs; all things that I’ve never seen except the one of my grandmother and my mom hiding behind her leg. Hana and I start to go through the items and in the slew of things there was a white knight piece. Hana is holding an envelope with a letter and I’m looking at a picture.

It looks like a simple polaroid, that says: Me, Andrew, Patrick, Oliver and Sophia. Sophia’s hair is a dark black, and flowing. She is smiling a bunny ears. The other three boys are smiling in their uniforms.

“Hey Jules.. You should read this.”

I nodded and reading out loud, holding the envelope that was awkwardly torn.

January 11th

Dear Sophia,

I am writing this letter as a warning. In three days time He will find you. He has been in my dreams quite frequently and I fear he knows about the iteration. You have to hide it, you and Jeremy have too close with Daisy. And I know after our disbandment we promised we would never talk again but I pray to Elysia he doesn’t find Daisy. The vision that caused our severance is much clearer to me. The Demon King will return this iteration.

Run Sophia Run

Yours

The name is cut off but all I can wonder is who is Sophia?

First

Previous

Next

Taglist

@sunshineinacamp

@the-polyhedron

@maybemochas

@red-wood-raven

@sexyshortcake

@peoniepoetals

@cause-hes-so-hard-to-see

@queenly-fucker

@piggybackjunkie

@anne-tifreeze

@onemoresoultothecall

@thebigmollymauktealeaf

@poisonedapples

@anxious-bagel

@that-monster-boy

@thebisexualzombies

@ivonoris

@hcdwigs

@lazyscouts

[killapunk]

the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references 

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her. 

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’. 

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning. 

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well. 

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

[heyangel-archive]

me and @audreil talking about mitam and how it was written for the fans (and themselves)

syeda » i was gonna do that w iwwyas but its too sad

me » literally i was off of tumblr for a good 20 minutes trying to sleep & then two ghosts came on & i started thinking & sobbing

syeda » so anytime i’m gone you can listen to my voice and sing along WHAT THE FUCK THEY SAID THAT ! TO US !!!!!

me » I KNOW i saw the post u rbd abt it sidjdkdmdm i’m literally in so much pain

syeda » they played me so hard with that song the first time i heard it i couldny stop crying that lyric was the one thats always stood out to me like,,,,, fuck

me » it’s so underrated too like wat the duck

syeda » so much of mitam is just a big ode to the fans

me » also can we talking abt witw especially eotd

syeda » ok but walking in the wind drag me down? history? walking in the wind? end of the day? fuck yes talk im listen

me » “i know we’ll be alright child just close ur eyes & seeE i’ll be by your side anytime you’re needing me” i want that tattooed on the inside of my eyelids

syeda » stop that song makes me sob its heartbreak wrapped in a pretty melody and i die every time “and as we raised our glasses up to make a toast i realized u were missin” FUCK

me » “you’ll will find me in places that we’ve never been for reasons we don’t understand walking in the wind”

syeda » and ppl still judge 1d by uan lyrics

me » places we’ve never been = alone on their own before; on stage, doing interviews, etc.

syeda » SHUT THE FUCK UP “fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won………..” FUCK

me » “the necessity for an apology between you and me baby there is none” i’m sobbing

syeda » “goodbyes are bittersweet but its not the end” im! sobbing! :))))))))

me » let’s history ok so like

syeda » no pls stop i cant

me » harry’s & niall’s verses are like from the perspective of the fans

syeda » history fucks me up so bad fuck

me » “you’ve got to help me I’m losing my mind keep getting the feeling that you want to leave this all the behind i thought we were good with strong i thought we were holding on aren’t we? no they don’t teach you this in school but now my hearts breaking and I don’t know what to do”

syeda » tahts literally us talking to them

me » that’s the fans being upset by the hiatus

syeda » fuk fuck fuxk

me » like “why we’re gonna miss you :( i thought you guys loved it” then liam & louis verses is them to us

syeda » im literallly fuckign sobbinn

me » “all of the rumors all of the fights but we always find a way to make it out alive”

syeda » i kno the verses hoe stop im lsitening to the song rn and im dying

me » “mini bars expensive cars hotel rooms in new tattoos the good champagne and private planes but they don’t mean anything because the truth is out I realize that without you here life is just a lie this is not the end this is not the end we can make it you know it” they love us so much 1D is saying ‘we’re not going anywhere because with out you guys we’d be nothing’

syeda » every time i remember that louis wrote it i fuckif die

me » “you have me go whole lotta history we can be the greatest him that the world has ever seen you and me got a whole lotta history so don’t let it go we can make some more we can live forever” again they’re saying 'we’ve grown up together so you’re not going any where we’re not going anywhere we’ll be right back’

syeda » bich im not goin anywhere either im gonna wait for ur asses

me » honestly mood

syeda » im tired of this break enough is enough we didnt talk abt this A.M.

me » SHIT SHROP listen tho

syeda » U AN D ME WERE RAISED IN THE SAME PART OF TOWN GOT THESE SCARS ON THE SAME GROUND

me » A.M. is their promise to Themselves that they’ll be back

syeda » Y ES S

me » history is the promise to us, am is to each other i’m dying

syeda » AND THATS THE LAST SONG??? fuck me up i want to Die

me » HISTORY IS THE LAST SONG ON THE REGULAR ALBUM & AM IS THE LAST SONG ON THE DELUX

syeda » FUCCK I DIDNT KNO ABT THE REGULAR ONE

me » IM FUCKKNG SCRWAMING THEY PUT HISTORY ON THE REGULAR ALBUM AS APPOSED TO AM BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE ALL THEIR FANS COULD AFFORD

syeda » BUT AM WAS FOR THEMSELVES SO THE PUT IT ON THE DELUX im?? sobbing?????????????? I WANNA SCREAM OUT LOUD FOR 283738493772 YEARS

me » EBEN THOUGHT ARGUABLY IT SHOILD HAVE BEEN ON THE REGULAR ALBUM BECAUSE IT HAS THE ALBUM TITLE MADE IN THE AM

syeda » BUT ITS FOR THEM ITS NOTFOR EVERYOEN

clara » THEYW ANTED THEIR PROMISES TO BE LAST SO ITS THE LAST THING THEY SAY BEFORE TJE GO

syeda » ITSA LITTLE PIECE FOR THEM THEY PROMIS TO BE BACK AND THE FANS WHO WANTED DELUXE LITERALLY THE END BUT HISTORY PROMISES ITS NOT THE END

me » ITS NOT

syeda » THEY CAN LIVE FOREVER

me » ADM TJATS WHY ITS AT THE END OF TJE ALBUM

syeda » SHIT

[theiamzilch]

First Day Ramadhan in CGK

We were out of time to go but had to do it. I didnt want to follow for a fact that im afraid im nt able to spend the buka puasa with family. But i offered to follow thinking of him and what it wld be like if he had to buka puasa alone miles away from family. Indeed he needs another person to help add the luggage weight home. I decided to follow him on a condition that we be back at least by 6pm so that we have time to rush for buka with family. I woke up and met him, we headed to the airport together. We watched dilwale which was funny because the lead actress has my name. It was a pleasant normal visit to the shop until the last hour we had to rush back separately to the airport. It was when things turned sour. I was there helping him as mch as i can to gegas to the counter. But little did i expect that the driver whom i took with was not cooperating and was taking his time although ive reminded him numerous times to be quick. The driver was not helping the situation. What more when his anger accumulated into a stones throw at me. Wrong place, wrong time and tension was high he blurted things of the future what i shld have nt done. Ive sincerely explained that i just reached as soon as he came. I wasnt delaying any time. I was already going in when i turned he was at the entrance door. That was when we took the rush to go in. I even ran towards the counter to check in. But i was already closed. There at the counter he blurted out his anger at me. In front of the staff. I was tremendously hurt by his words. I cried. When i was crying he was still being angry towards me and i let him do it because any words that come out of my mouth isnt gonna make him okay after all. He said i wasnt being clear with my words. He wont be angry if i was honest but in his actions he was already showing it when he pulled me by the side to talk to me. He said i wasnt trying to hasten the situation. He said alot of other things and even included accepting him as my husband into his scolding. While raising his voice, he said he wasnt angry at me but at the situation but reality im the one who got to the experience of receiving his anger. He said he didnt even ask me to pay. I was already not having any money with me at that time. What more when we have promised that i will repay through the repair of the car. In my heart, no matter the cost, i will head back and pay him back with whatever i have so that he would not say such hurtful accusations at me. If i wanted to retaliate i could but it will bring no where. I was already so hurt by more of his words as it comes in, it felt like it doesnt matter anymore if im around him yesterday to be by his side coz his words just hurts v much. I didnt utter any words back to him. I kept it all to his assumptions of what kind of person i am. He only apologised for the words he said to me at the counter. But he wasnt (in action nor words) apologetic of all the untrue words he blurted out to me at the corner. He took me back to the waiting room and i just sat there and cried. It hurts. Still he didnt say anything else, expecting me to brush it off whatever he has said to me at the corner. He tried to pujuk but he doesnt know how hurtful his words were and how important it is to tell me that he didnt meant any of it. I asked him a question while boarding to tell me if he meant what he said at the corner. Still there, he thinks im thinking negatively about him. I was more hurt listening to more assumptions abt me over the question. My heart felt like there is no point me being beside him over all my initial niat to be there with him in the first place. I cried boarding. It was almost buka time and there i was with the man whom i love but he has just blurted so many hurtful words to me at the corner. I calmed myself down with a throbbing headache im experiencing. The flight wasnt a smooth one either...it felt like there was a turbulance. The plane was shaky which made me more afraid. The passenger by the window changed place and i just quickly sat beside the window. It was buka time as i was witnessing sunset from the sky. I could not leave the sight missing him to witness it with me. I nudged him to sit beside me...and when i saw he was crying...i knew he was saying his sorry for the words he said to me earlier. His tears trickled more and i took the opportunity to ask him that he actually didnt mean what he said to me. And he nodded didnt... I told him to see the sunset with me together. Nothing beats the feeling of sharing moments like this with him. Realising my niat to be with him during buka time and just be able to be beside him when he needed someone the most. I kissed him at the sight of sunset thousands of feet frm the ground. He took my kiss dearly. He wasnt feeling well and so was i. We were exhausted frm the trip and fasting. I wanted to rush home. But looking at him offering to buka first made me sat down and teman him eat before we go back to our families. I managed to reach home at 10pm and spent about an hour of quality time with marissa. Its sad when the eldest does not make the effort to be around with us on the first day of puasa. Its stupid how they could prioritise their business when a visit after buka also could do it. For parents sake. Im frustrated but ive lost their respect as the eldest in the family. Im utterly saddened.