#i wanna start looking into applying for jobs of course bc well where i am rn i dont have a good routine

[skunkes]

question for any artists who are employed full time: is the work/life (art) balance rly possible... (for You since i know it depends on the job/position/career etc)

[aizawaskittenwhore]

𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘴

≛ 𝘧𝘵. 𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶, 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰, 𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴.

≛ 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵. 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵.

≛ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴: 1𝘬

≛ 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢 /𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣��𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘥𝘰𝘮 (𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪), 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 18. 𝘥𝘶𝘩.

𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶:

i’m gonna be honest

that whole “innocent bby deku🥺” shit is played out. this man will demolish your pussy and will not apologize for it.

izuku has the full capacity to be rough in bed, so don’t let his sweet and demure presence fool you

he’s really into overstim surprisingly enough

watching you stir and keen as you cum again for the third time in a row fills him with a sense of pride

knowing nobody else could make you whine like this, make you sputter and stumble over each word, make you cream all over the dick the way he does

he also adores fucking you to the point where you can’t form a comprehensible sentence

he’ll give you deep, slow strokes while holding a bullet vibe directly to your swollen clit, pine eyes sparkling as he watches you plead for him to stop, yet buck your hips into him, chasing another orgasm.

calls you bunny instead of puppy bc ew

“you’re so insatiable, bunny. you like it when i—ah, fuck!—tease your pussy like this? ‘like it when i take what’s mine?”

the pleasure is overwhelming, insurmountable as he brings you to that prepice over and over again until you’re crying.

he’ll then flip you onto your stomach, hands digging into the dimples and slopes of your hips before absolutely impaling you on his length

he’s thick, and comes in at a solid 6-7 inches, so you’re always sore after a round or two

also

breeding kink. like a major one.

izuku wasn’t always the most confident in his abilities as a boyfriend let alone a lover

so when you started letting him cum inside you it was a huge boost

likes breeding you before work so he can think about the guys that hit on you in the break room smelling the scent of sex all over your body as you walk past them, sticky white fluid creeping down the leg of your pantyhose.

he couldn’t keep other guys from looking at you, but he could damn sure remind you of who you belonged to.

oh, and he’ll slide two fingers in once he’s done and scoop as much of his cum between them as possible before slipping them in your mouth so he can watch you suck it all off

this mf is possessive and nasty.

𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰:

facefucking.

that’s it. send tweet

nah but in all seriousness, katsuki loves watching your eyes well up with tears as you squeeze and milk his dick for all it’s worth.

he’s a good 7-7.5 inches

not an insane amount of girth but the length more than compensates for it

most definitely uses it as a punishment

and isn’t afraid to do it while you’re in public either

which brings us to his exhibition kink

he’s very prideful when it comes to his reputation as a hero, so you would think that it would keep him from doing anything scandal worthy

wrong

it only adds to the searing arousal he gets from watching your tongue fondle his sensitive head, knees bruised from being beneath him for so long

it’s a power trip for him, especially if he’s in costume

depending on your behavior, he’ll be generous and let you swallow while praising your performance

or he’ll wrap a hand around the back of your neck, slide your mouth off of his spit-soaked cock, and stroke himself until his cum splatters all over your eyelashes, fully debauching you in the desolate alleyway

he’s made you walk back home with cum all over your face before, after you’d been particularly bratty over the course of a week

“katsuki! i can’t walk back home like this, what if someone notices?!”

“should’ve thought about that before you decided to visit me while you weren’t wearing any fuckin’ panties. nasty little girl...now hurry up and get a move on, and you better not wipe it off either.”

loves the thrill of humiliating you

unrelated, but he’s an ass man through and through, taking such pleasure in watching it jiggle and ripple under each heavy blow he delivers

takes photos of the marks afterwards and has an album for em.

he also loves fucking you on different surfaces around your penthouse (and his agency)

the man is territorial

so what better way to mark his territory than by making his gorgeous girlfriend squirt and cream all over it?

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰:

babe i am so sorry for your neighbors

cause if there’s nothing else shinsou loves it’s to make you scream

he’s got a corruption kink, but not in the way most people do

he doesn’t give a damn if you’re sweet and innocent, or if you’ve got the mouth of a sailor and could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

what matters to him is making you lose your composure.

one day you’d been anticipating a call back from a job interview you’d gone to a few days prior

and shinsou just so happened to be observing your blissed-out expression as he ground into you from below, your body atop his

when your damned phone started ringing

being the sly little shit that he is, he saw an opportunity

“answer the phone pretty girl...don’t wanna keep them waiting, do you?”

reaching for your buzzing cell, you press the green ‘accept’ button, raising the device to your ear as you jolt forward

“hello, may i speak to y/n?” a chipper voice chimed through the receiver.

“t-this is sh-she. how can i—ah!—help you?” you garble your words, trying to suppress your moans

hitoshi merely takes this as a challenge, opting to drive into you deeper whilst trying to keep the noise down, it’s less fun when it’s obvious what you two are doing

his dick is thick as FUCK. 6 going on 7 inches but honestly you couldn’t give less of a fuck with the way he’s stretching you

surprisingly enough you managed your way through the phone call, telling the white lie of “helping the neighbors move”

but little did you know this was only the beginning of hitoshi’s new favorite pastime

he’s another exhibitionist too

so uh...good luck with that

remote control vibrators on dinner dates, fingers stuffed deep inside your sloppy cunt while he makes small talk with your mom at the dinner table,

even kneeling beneath your desk and sending you to heaven and back while you’re on a video call with your fucking boss.

he’s addicted to watching you fall apart, and is more than willing to apply that pressure.

𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪:

dabi’s dick would fuck anyone stupid.

let’s make that clear.

it’s canon that he’s got a jacob’s ladder, blah blah blah, but let’s discuss how fucking pretty it is

creeping in at a firm eight inches, and about 4 and a half in girth with a drool-worthy mauve tip, his shaft slightly lighter than the rest of his tanned, unscarred skin

it’s dangerous, barbells running up the underside of his shaft or not

definitely into temperature play

and i’m not talking about that soft shit like warming up his fingers whilst they’re plunging in and out of your sweet center

no no no

that fucker will BRAND you and will not apologize

you’re his pretty little cumdump, and he’ll stake his claim upon your body how ever the hell he pleases

degradation is a given.

“—what a fuckin’ whore. tch, you really think you deserve this dick?”

“how about you get on your knees and beg for it then if you’re so damn needy.”

“quit your god damn whining, or i swear i’ll leave you spread out on this fuckin’ bar for shiggy to find. maybe i’ll even get a promotion for giving him such a slutty little bitch to use.”

“what’s wrong? does it hurt sweetheart? can’t take it after you talked all that shit earlier?” you shake your head no, thighs trembling as you struggle to maintain the position dabi’s folded you into. “...good.” he smirks, eyes gleaming with malice before pounding you to filth, cries spilling from your mouth as you beg for release, knowing he won’t give it to you.

making you cry? a specialty of dabi’s. your tears get him harder than anything; to watch your lips quiver as you sniffle, wiping away tears while he palms himself through his sweats

has shown you off to shigaraki, and will not hesitate to tongue your fluids off his digits while carrying on a full conversation with the other man.

after all, when you know your toy’s better than someone else’s, you tend to brag.

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪:

speaking of this mf

he’s the reason gamer boys get the rep of having massive dicks

cause god damn did you not expect this man to be slinging around eight bordering on nine inches of dick. four and a half to five inches of girth. poor you.

he’s also got a penchant for angry sex, so if that’s not enough of an indication that you’re going to have trouble walking afterwards i don’t know what is

but one thing he loves more than taking you apart piece by piece and cumming inside of you with zero remorse?

doing it when he’s in the middle of a game, and he’s online with the party’s voice chat.

“mmm—god, you really will do anything i tell you....swallowing every inch while these guys get to listen, and you’re not even embarrassed, you’re getting off on it!”

“i love little sluts like you, always doing whatever it takes just to have a cock pry them open at all times. that’s what you are, right? my little slut, made for me to do whatever i want to.”

yes, he’s made you whine so sweetly for him, cry as you beg him to touch you, while he plays fucking valorant.

and you can’t count how many times he’s mocked the way you gag and choke on his massive length while he played genshin impact with random guys online.

is a sucker for a good set of nudes, and isn’t afraid to ask for them on a regular basis

plus he just likes taking pictures/videos of you in general, saving them to a private album of his phone for him to use when you’re not there

he may parade you around as though you’re a lifeless fuckdoll, but if nothing else he’s possessive, and would rather relive the pain of losing to all might than let another man see you the way he does

but i’ll be honest, tomura’s not always a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a huge dick.

he’s also a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a thing for being dominated....and a huge dick.

see, it balances out!

it started with a bet that if he lost another round of mortal kombat you got to peg him

it took a lot of convincing, but he agreed to the terms, certain he’d win regardless

and after button smashing like your life depended on it with subzero, you managed to secure the win.

a grin stapled itself to your face after being treated to two hours of tomura’s incessant sobs and wails

“mhm—please...i can’t take it—ah! fuck, fuck, fuck! right there!”

“don’t make me work for it, i promise you’ll never be player two again, just please let me cum—m’ so close..”

game nights are always fun with him, you can count on it.

𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴:

my god my god

i’m gonna say it right now: keigo doesn’t eat pussy for you.

he does it for him.

and that makes all the difference in the fucking world when he’s pulling you to sit on his face

scruff scratching at your inner thighs deliciously as he makes you squirt alllll over aforementioned facial hair, rolling your hypersensitive clit between soft lips and a fluid tongue

he could stay between your thighs for hours and hours on end

will propose to devour you in the most inappropriate of places

and honestly? isn’t the least bit ashamed about it. elevators, in front of large office windows just a few stories above the street where you’re just barely visible to the people below,

on endeavor’s decorative towels after he spread them out on the floor so he could fuck you senseless on top of them, etc.

the flame hero had pissed him off earlier, and he needed to exert some petty rage. this was most sensible use of his energy.

also in case it wasn’t obvious: breeding kink. duh.

no thoughts head empty just hawks begging to breed you during his rut

“come on pretty girl, let me make you a momma....can’t wait to stuff you full of my chicks....”

he blushes so deeply when he’s close to cumming

and boy does he fucking whine

dick is just as pretty as he is, he’s a good 6 inches with a three inch girth; tip flushed and pink

definitely cherishes intimacy during sex

and will certainly go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable/desired

he could have all the money/fame in the world

and it still wouldn’t compare to the feeling of your thighs suffocating him while he slurps at your cunt like it’s his last meal.

[m34gs]

*pops up out of the hole I've dug myself in bc GrimmIchi with sunglasses and a Hawaii shirt on*

Hiiiii!!! It's me bugging you again!! (Raid doesn't work either, others have tried lol)

GrimmIchi Western Au??

Are they rival ranchers? Or maybe one/both of them are outlaws? How do they meet? Is it hate or love at first sight? Close to a town or a couples days on horseback away? Nearest doctor if one of them gets injured? How do the other characters play into this Au? What would the conflict be??

🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙💙💙🧡🧡🧡

*Lowers my baseball bat when I see it is you, my friend, and not, in fact, a whack-a-mole*

You are welcome to pop in here as often as you like, friend!! Especially when you bring such lovely ideas to the table. This will be a long response, so you know the drill. Under the cut she gooooooes!

So from the way your ask is worded, I am getting a strong wild-west sense. And I love it!

So, I think Ichigo is a rancher. His father is the physician in the nearest town, but Ichigo wanted to start his own life. So he saved up, did errands around the town and odd-jobs for anyone who needed it to earn enough coin, and then he purchased some property and got himself some cattle. He has a few horses (necessary for work and also the fastest way for him to get to town if he needs to). But he can't manage all those cattle on his own entirely and keep a house. So he often has one of his sisters stay with him, sometimes both. Karin loves helping with ranch chores. Yuzu likes to help with indoor chores. He often has them come over when they need a break from town or when their father is travelling or going to be away. He is the only doctor for a large area, so sometimes he travels out to other towns. They save all their non-emergent issues for him and he addresses them all at once.

Urahara I would put not so much as a doctor...but a pharmacist perhaps. He and his husband Tessai. Their children, Jinta and Ururu, help out around the shop, though Jinta has been known to come and give Ichigo a hand on the ranch now and again. (Their parents are friends)

Renji is a hired hand on the ranch. At first, he applies for the job because he is broke as hell and Ichigo is handsome, and let's face it Renji is not blind. He knows how to appreciate the fineness of Ichigo's body. But nothing comes of it, the romantic feelings he has quickly fizzle, and soon he's feeling more like Ichigo is the found family he always wanted instead. He was an orphan, living off of pennies.

Grimmjow is definitely an outlaw. Runs with some bandits. They wanna steal cattle and resell. And they are notorious. I think for this they could keep the title of Espada for their little gang. He is one of the loose cannons, though. Never know what he's going to do. Him, and his little sister, Nel. Nel and Grimm have been on their own from the beginning, and they only ever looked out for each other.

Until one night, they go after the Kurosaki ranch. And as they are stealing the cattle, Renji and Ichigo are chasing after them...and Nel falls from her horse. (or was she pushed...by Nnoitra?) Ichigo, even though they're enemies, won't let someone just get trampled in front of him. So he slows and he helps her up, and by that point the other Espada have left, and Grimmjow isn't aware his sister is missing yet...

Ichigo helps Nel to the ranch house. She's slightly injured, so they summon Isshin (not with any ritual though, they just send Renji to wake him up and bring him to the ranch). He comes and treats her.

Grimmjow is distraught over his sister being in the hands of the rancher. He is certain she's scared, certain they're being cruel to her. So of course the second he can, he rushes in, guns blazing, ready to kill and ready to save her. Only to find Nel giggling and hugging Ichigo and waving hello to her older brother.

After that...well, it's a steep learning curve but Grimmjow and Nel start to trust other people, get on the good side of Ichigo, and now they're friends. And Ichigo won't deny there is attraction to the tough-looking outlaw. And Grimmjow will stubbornly pretend he still hates him and is only there because of Nel and the fact that the head of the Espada will try to kill them when they find out Nel is now friends with Ichigo.

I think in this AU Orihime owns a bed and breakfast...where Uryu and Chad are the chefs. She inherited it from her brother when he passed away. But her cooking was so bad she almost had to close. Then Uryu and Chad showed up, an ultimate cooking duo, and she didn't have to close, she just switched to more of a hostess/bartender role. It's the favourite place in town for everyone to eat now, and Ichigo definitely treats Nel and Grimmjow to the food there.

Kenpachi is the sheriff. Strong, not concerned with politics at all, and very eager to fight anyone who disturbs the peace. Ikkaku is a member of law enforcement as well. And he's in love with the tailor; Yumichika, who makes the best dresses in the town. Nel definitely begs her brother for one, and he grumbles but then he starts helping out on the ranch and doing errands for the physician and pharmacist to make enough money to afford one. Ichigo may or may not secretly let slip to Yumichika about how they aren't well off and how much Nel admires the dresses and get them a discount, but that never gets around to Grimmjow (Ichigo and Yumichika are buddies and they totally have drinking nights where Yumichika just rants about how handsome Ikkaku is).

Some of the regulars at the bar (Hisagi, Izuru, Shinji) play instruments. They often play at Orihime's, which brings in more customers, and they get coins dropped in a little jar for them when the customers enjoy the music (they almost always love the music and the jar is never empty). Ichigo definitely drags Grimmjow out of his seat to dance when his favourite songs are played. And Grimmjow enjoys this, despite himself.

So those are my thoughts! What about you? What sort of things would you add? Any other characters? What happens with the stolen cattle? Do they ever get it back? Are the rest of the Espada caught? Do Grimmjow and Nel get pardoned for their past crimes or does the past catch up to them? How long does it take Ichigo and Grimmjow to fully realize they are in love? How do they confess to one another?

[teruthecreator]

THS IS A ROBBERY 🔫YOUR ROLESWAP LORE!!! HAND IT OVER 🤲if u want 2 :)

just took my melatonin bc i have to wake up at 4:30 AM to drive 16 hours to my mother’s so i’m sorry if this becomes derailed but uh. here’s the roleswap lore! or, at least, everything i’ve decided (along with matthew and corinne bc the three of us tagteamed on it) 

gonna chuck it all under a readmore bc this is going to get long

so first off, just gonna run out in front and say i have no idea how this fits into graduation plot. i haven’t gotten that in plot consideration, given their character differences in comparison to their canonical selves. so, for the most part, it’s a lot of background establishment and character traits. but i do have a few plot bits that i’ve figured out bc i thought it was cool. why such a long preamble? i don’t know. help me

fitzroy maplecourt: 

first off, he’s not called sir!!! because he doesn’t go to knight school! 

my idea for his backstory is that the way he decides to grapple with his identity crisis/imposter syndrome (which he definitely Still has) is that instead of becoming a grander, larger than life version of himself. he just. goes the opposite.

not necessarily becoming a degenerate (bc he just smokes pot and that’s not bad he’s just vibing)??? but more just like. leaning into the laid-back nature of life that one might pick up from a lifetime in rural country. 

he goes to a liberal arts school a ways away and just decides to bum around and take life not seriously. he develops a pretty large group of acquaintances being a hippie stoner; he doesn’t really pursue a degree either. i think if he picked up any major it was probably like. an art major or an english but he basically fails most of his classes bc he doesn’t care! 

unlike his canonical counterpart, fitzroy doesn’t mind being called nicknames!! ones i think he has the most are fitz or roy, but basically you could call him anything and he’ll respond. that is because, instead of clinging to the concept of his identity bc it’s the only thing he feels he has, his identity is nebulous!! he doesn’t understand it and it scares him too much to be concrete, so he just lets people decide shit about him for him. 

his personal philosophy is more about floating through life and letting people assume shit about him than having a solid personality and backstory that people understand and recognize. it is a more dissociative way of having an identity crisis! how fun! he also barely talks about his past, and what he does talk about are cherrypicked points of his past that fit his narrative of being a casual down-to-earth hippie

 the moment that this all changes is when order decides to pop in and grant him powers!!!! wahoo!!!! here’s how that happens: 

he’s baked out of his fucking gourd in his dorm room, in the spring semester of his junior year. he’s alone (which is rare) and he’s maybe a little sad, but he decides to just ignore it. he looks at his table and laughs. “hehe, what if this table just. blew up?” he says to himself. it isn’t that funny, but he laughs. then he lays his hand on the table. 

the table blows up.

after that, he has magic!!! 

i’m going to go into detail a little bit later about how fitzroy’s magic manifests in the roleswap universe, but i wanna get through the backstory first. basically, he gets really freaked out after his magic comes to him because it is So New and Wow What and What The Fuck.

he realizes that this new addition to his character Completely changes how people who know him would perceive him (as a bum stoner chill guy), and he can no longer have control of his narrative with this magic business. so he drops out!

well, he actually just transfers. to a school far, far away where people will never know who he was and he can rebuild his narrative with this magic incorporated into it. he chooses wiggenstaff’s because he figures the school would have more of a knowledge of magic than his libarts school, which would mean he could understand why the fuck weed gave him magic (sidenote: it wasn’t weed, obvs, but he thinks this so for a while he doesn’t smoke!) 

he is now the chill hippie of wiggenstaff’s!!! most people like him because his personality is fairly easy to digest; some people think he shouldn’t be there, but he is! he starts out as a sidekick and he would’ve honestly been fine with that forever, but then he’s suddenly thrust into the hero track!!! wow!!!! i will also explain this with the magic. 

but yeah!! that’s fitzroy, for the most part. now we’ll move onto the other boy

argonaut keene:

he actually prefers if people call him argonaut, but he’s less likely to correct people than canon fitzroy Or canon argo. he’s a tad bit shyer in this universe!

argo’s backstory pretty much follows the same idea of his canonical background, but with some key differences that shape him into the character he is in the present! 

basically he still grows up on shebrie’s ship, surrounded by crewmates and the salty sea air. but his fascination with the sea doesn’t manifest into this swashbuckling lifestyle that he has in canon. 

what fascinates him more is the ship itself. how it functions, how water wears down wood, how directional currents can affect navigation. basically, he becomes invested in the sciences part of sealife more than the pirateering. he has special interests in marine biology, but his heart remains in nautical engineering. figuring out ways to make the ship run better, faster, and more efficiently consumes his childhood thoughts!

shebrie encourages her son’s craving for knowledge with tomes and books from all over the world about anything related to engineering and nautical things. he’s homeschooled, basically, but he becomes rather intelligent within a few short years! 

and then, well....shebrie dies. yeah we aren’t escaping that finality, sorry folks. that part of canon Still Applies.

after shebrie’s death (coughMURDERcough), argo is. traumatized! and he makes the decision to almost entirely sever himself from his life on the sea. it’s all too painful to look back upon--the times he spent studying with his mother in the captain’s quarters, rattling off dolphin facts as they sailed onward, dreaming of turning gears as the ship gently rocked him to sleep--and so he just decides to throw the whole thing out!

he can’t ignore his lifetime of education, though, so he continues to pursue it. with the remainder of money his mother left behind, he enrolls himself in a boarding school of science and technology, with plans to continue study in Only engineering. no more nautical Anything on his roster.

eventually, when he is old enough and graduates high school, he roams around...trying to figure out what to do. he doesn’t have enough money for college, so he can’t continue his scholarly efforts yet. he works around, job-to-job, city-to-city, and just notices how...delayed everything feels. like society is suffering under this slow pace towards innovation. 

and that’s when he decides his next course of action. if he were to discover the root of some problem and engineer a solution, he would be famous! he would gain notoriety and praise and--and all the things his mother had as a captain. but he would have it on his own, separate from his mother, and separate from his past. 

he figures out his next course of action: attend a school that will give his prestigious enough marks to be accepted onto a research team, find a problem, solve it, help the world, maybe earn a little bit of that credit and respect that would make him feel like he was doing his mother proud. 

the thing i want to emphasize here is that argo’s take on helping the world comes from that morality that canon fitzroy has. canon fitzroy wanted to be a knight because he wanted to fairly and justly instill ideas of “good” and “bad” onto the world. roleswap argo has a similar moral sense, but instead of establishing rules he wants to fix the “bad” and make it “good” in a technological/scientific sense.

the only school argo can think of that can get him that kind of notoriety is wiggenstaff’s. getting onto the HOG board would mean he’d have access to countless resources and be respected by a large audience, which would give him the opportunity to make change happen. even if he’s only a sidekick On Paper, what matters is that the diploma would give him the ability to Apply to the HOG. so he drafts a carefully worded letter for a scholarship and achieves a full-ride!!! epic 

like fitzroy’s magic, i’m going to break down argo’s relation to the unbroken chain after i get through backstory stuff. but trust me, I’ve Thought Of It

argo sort of blends into the background at wiggenstaff’s. or, he would, if his roommates/friends weren’t so Fucking Out There. fitzroy is enough to make him always be visible, but even the firbolg’s massive frame means eyes are always on him. which makes him nervous!! he doesn’t like the attention (as opposed to his canonical self, who revels in it for the self-esteem fuel) his insecurities manifest more in what he’s Doing rather than what he Is, mostly because his identity is barricaded by a wall of trauma repression

he’s still plenty funny and witty, just quieter. also he’s a lot Meaner than canon argo, at least to me. because if you irritate him he Will just completely shut you down with words. motherfucker doesn’t bark but he will most DEFINITELY bite

that’s their backstories, for the most part! in terms of how they interact together:

as established, they meet prior to wiggenstaff’s on a tinder date (during the grace period of argo working odd jobs and fitzroy about to be granted immense fucking power) and end up casually dating during the course of their wiggenstaff education. argo is a nervous goober and fitzroy just likes making him blush. it’s very cute.

fitzroy is still less inclined for the romantic than argo, who remains a steadfast absolute romantic internally. fitzroy still holds a lot of the self-doubt and distrust that canon fitzroy has, only it manifests in him not taking anything seriously! which means when he catches Feelings feelings he basically freaks out 

argo still falls in love really quickly, only now he’s more conflicted about it because being in love means trusting and trust means communication and communication means Oops Years Of Trauma Are Being Unloaded Uh Oh! 

now i’m going to touch on the big points that i find really interesting: fitzroy’s magic and argo’s relation to the unbroken chain

fitzroy’s magic:

chaos is not the being that grants him magic. it’s order! 

my take on what this means for what deity is on what plane of reality is that chaos is more Needed so they are the one that is physically On Nua, while Order remains in dreamscapes because they are already a constant amongst the tangible world. yes i know this directly contradicts the reasoning for why theyre Supposed to be where in canon, leave me alone i’m having fun. 

my reasoning for this switch is because chaos stands to be a contradiction to everything canon fitzroy has going on. he has a very strict, nailed-down understanding of himself and the world. everything he thinks is in black and white, bold statements, no questions, he follows rules and obeys the law. untiiiiil chaos gives him magic and shocks him out of that complacency. they lean into his inner impulses and that rage he’s kept locked deep inside. they allow for magic to Explode out of him, rather in calculated bursts or with intent. 

which is why order is more fitting for roleswap fitzroy!! because fitzroy, in this world, has less of a concrete grasp of himself and the world. he purposely lets himself be nebulous and goes with the flow. thinking of the future in real terms is not something fitzroy Does, he has no plans and that’s Fine. order seeks to give fitzroy a backbone, to put it simply. 

his magic doesn’t go impulsively out of him. it is calculated--it comes with thoughts and intentions. the reason it surprises fitzroy when the table blows up is because he didn’t think his thoughts or wants would amount into that, but that’s what order is trying to show him. that his intentions matter. that he matters and he has to Think and Focus and Be Here.

i’m still not sure if his power would manifest as lightning??? because the imagery for the lightning works perfectly for canon fitzroy because of the random power of lightning strikes. but for roleswap fitzroy it’s more like...thunder. like Purpose. thunder happens because of a reaction--it comes with intent. if differing air temperatures collide, it creates thunder. that combination is purpose + intent equating in magic. 

i think that part needs word bc like. how would one quantify thunder?? i think fire might also work really well because the idea of a controlled fire. like things have to Happen in order for fire to start, it can’t just appear like lightning can. 

order’s manipulation relies more heavily on the concept of boosting him up as a savior/hero, rather than boosting his ego and desire for power. fitzroy Has no desires in roleswap world--he’s just there. but when he gets put on the hero track, now he’s suddenly been given purpose. and order uses that to be like “wow, look at all these people who rely on you! look how important you are! don’t you want to use this magic for good?? to do good?? start a war with a demon come on pussy :-)”

OH YEAH also he becomes a hero in this universe (like in terms of tracks) because of the fact that it directly contradicts how he views himself. for canon fitzroy, it was showing him how much more he is capable of without the restrictions of morals (i.e, king fitzroy). but roleswap fitzroy doesn’t Have an image he wants to bolster! he doesn’t think he needs it and, frankly, he doesn’t care for it. the hero tracks carries with it all these stereotypes and expectations that now directly contradict his personality--thus showing him he is capable of more.

okay now for argo’s business jesus christ this post is so long and im NOT EVEN DONE WITH ALL THE POINTS I WANTED TO MENTION

argo’s relation to the unbroken chain:

so since roleswap argo has less of an association with his past (and, by extension, the memory of his mother), he is less inclined to join the mysterious cult that his mother was a part of. 

moreover, he doesn’t necessarily believe the shit he’s told??? he’s way more skeptical of jackal than canon argo is--immediately questioning why and how jackal knew his mother, and constantly trying to poke holes through his narrative.

generally speaking, if you try to talk to roleswap argo about his mother or his past, he Shuts Down. like completely. and that usually results in him snapping at you or just clamming up completely. mostly he just gets really snippy and angry because Hey Shut Up Dickhead I Don’t Want To Talk About It

a part of me still isn’t sure whether or not argo would take the unbroken chain up on their offer. but i also know that, plot wise and character arc wise, it is a necessary part of argo’s story. so i think, at most, he agrees but is extremely hesitant and might even let fitzroy on immediately once he’s given the task of digging into fitzroy’s life

also, they’re boyfriends in this universe, so how could he Really keep it a secret for that long. come on jackal, you idiot, you know they’re kissing. 

i think he’d Eventually warm up to jackal as a sort of father figure, but only after many nights of conversation and dancing around the subject of shebrie.

OH YEAH. this argo doesn’t know the commodore murdered his mother! important to note! he just assumes what he was told was true, that she sailed into dangerous territory and was ambushed. 

during the tribunal bit If That Even Happens In This World, i think fitzroy actually is the one who figures it out Before argo. and once argo does, well............fuck!

OKAY last little bit, just gonna talk about some random extra parts of the world that i’ve thought of already: 

in this universe, grey takes on higglemas’s identity instead of hieronymous’s!!! this is for good reason actually

okay so basically my thought was that, instead of whatever happened in canon yadda yadda dog time, hieronymous and grey are fighting and it’s a pretty evenly matched battle. there’s a cooldown moment where hiero thinks he’s safe but grey uses sneaky backhanded tactics to try and get the drop on him. 

only higgs sees it in time and saves his brother, taking the hit himself. he collapses, extremely wounded, and hiero rushes to his aid. he’s cradling his brother’s body, trying to keep him alive, when grey approaches to deliver the final blow. 

hiero is completely crushed and defeated and basically will let grey do anything to him by this point. the only thing he begs of is to let him live long enough to save his brother.

now, grey isn’t nice. let me make that clear. grey fucking SUCKS and the reason he agrees is because he wants a Real War with hiero and he can’t get that if hiero is basically like “if you let higgs die then you might as well kill me”.

so, grey agrees, and hiero ends up saving higgs by turning him into a cat. was supposed to be a temporary solution until he could find a better spell, but he wasn’t the magic guy in the duo. eventually, grey gets tired of waiting and decides to do some other shit. like turning the school the brothers have been running into a backalley place for demons!!

he takes the form of higglemas and leaves hieronymous locked in his office as basically a mascot. he’s like the queen and grey is the parliament--grey makes all the rules, but everyone assumes it’s hiero. faux-higgs is more on the ground, changing things and making the school a place more fitting for an eventual war. he builds up the concept of heroes and villains being Real, in the hopes he can sway some mortals to his side when he’s able to open a portal to hell. 

hiero still tries to stop this from happening, but his pride and his self-image is wounded by what happened. he feels guilty and puts the blame entirely on him, instead of doing the whole cowardice route like higgs did in canon. he gets people to help him eventually, via mind control and all tht jazz. 

also in this universe, buckminster is the one who gets birdified instead of leon!! has to do with my leon/buckminster and higgs/hiero narrative parallels that i’ve thought of for far too long.

firbolg is exactly the same in this universe. it is hard to swap three people and i didn’t want to think about him. 

fitzroy doesn’t pick a grab. i think he’d rather a lizard, like a bearded dragon. he names him something stupid. like scaly. or kyle. 

uhhh yeah!!! i think that’s....everything i’ve thought of so far!! lemme know if you wanna hear my takes on any other elements in the roleswap world!!!!

[puppy-phum]

HI!!!!! I'm sending you another bc I love you and I love listening to you talk about things you love and this might be cheating but!!!!!! I wanna hear about a character of YOUR CHOICE from ANY of the dramas you've watched in the last month which I know is a LOT!!! But I'm also V curious about who you'd choose 👀👀

okay it’s finally time for the last one of these. i am so happy you sent me this one bc i have been super excited ever since! tbh i did a bit of thinking with this bc there are many, many amazing characters i could talk about but i tried to stick to only one! i could’ve, of course, bent the rules and taken several but you giving me the choice was already more than generous enough so one it is! and this time, because jatn left me aching and very warm at the same time, it’s going to be my beloved li jia from there

(placing under a cut bc obviously, as you know by now, i ramble about the things i love. also, a big spoiler warning for jatn!)

How I feel about this character

Oh dear. I don’t really know how to put into words how much I love Li Jia. I admit that I had my doubts once I started the Journey Across the Night. I was so scared that they would butcher the whole idea of the show because I wouldn’t have been able to watch it if it had just made all these very cliché mental health portrayals, especially with schizophrenia. But the whole drama surprised me positively by being very much accurate (in a sense, of course, it’s hard for me to judge as I haven’t experienced something like that myself, but it felt believable!) but also very wholesome, accepting, and inclusive. And Li Jia, as much as I feared that seeing Zeng Shunxi in a different role would bother me too much, ended up being the sweetest, softest, fiercest, most caring boy ever. I couldn’t help but become deeply affectionate towards him.

Because here’s the deal: Li Jia is just so good. At heart, he is so damn kind that I want to just hug him to my chest and kiss his hair and tell him he’s doing so well. He cares so much about the people around him, even strangers. He’s that person who sees you struggling even if you’ve never spoken a word. He’s that person who helps you on the street when you drop your groceries. He’s that person who pulls you aside when a car is about to hit you. He’s that person who gives from his own when someone doesn’t have anything, no matter how little he himself has. And that’s how I fell in love with him and the whole of JAtN.

That whole show is about such great acceptance and fighting against people refusing to do that. In the first chapter, without giving up any spoilers, Li Jia has this line where he’s yelling about it being unfair that people get bullied just because they’re different. And I know what he means with that, I know the context of that line, but that can be applied to so many things. So many of his lines can be applied to so many different situations and I felt so deeply connected to him throughout the whole of JAtN despite him having a very different situation in his life. I felt like there was a part of me in him but also in those people he met in the drama. Like he was me talking to myself. Like he was… I don’t know. He was just so amazing and I love him so much.

As a side note, to anyone who might read this: please go watch the Journey Across the Night if you haven’t already. You can find it on YouTube, fully subbed. Zeng Shunxi and the whole cast do an amazing job in that. The whole story is very heartwarming but also very heartbreaking. It has some horror aspects, kind of, and it is very intense but so wholesome too. The theme song for it is absolutely stunning. The cinematography is blowing me away. I am crying while writing this because that drama just affected me a lot and gave me so much.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Just like I mentioned in my part for Chacha, I ship the main trio even if the canon version (of course because well. China) only creates a romance between Li Jia and Chacha. I just don’t feel like they are quite complete without Shi Cheng. He is a big part of their dynamic! And with the way he talks about Li Jia, with the way he sometimes looks at Li Jia, no one can convince me to think that he isn’t at least a little bit in love. And from the way Li Jia looks at them both, I think the love is reciprocated. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Gosh, okay. As the protagonist, and very surprisingly as a person I suppose because I did expect him to be less social, Li Jia meets many people throughout the drama. He comes to be a big part of many people’s lives because he just ends up helping them in some way. Basically, every “Chapter” in JAtN is based on one of these relationships he comes to form, sometimes even several. He gets along with everybody (and I think he can sometimes thank his enormous puppy eyes for that haha). But well, that is the charm of him; how he’s able to understand people and somehow just tell what they need in the middle of their struggles.

I don’t know how to pick any specific relationships from there though. I love the main trio as a friendship too, like I probably mentioned with Chacha. They just complete each other, and I loved how Li Jia gained different things from both Chacha and A-Cheng. Both of them are very chatty and energetic while Li Jia is quieter and a bit of a thinker (overthinker, I’d say). He watches while the other two do but he’s not passive. He takes action when it’s needed, but with Chacha and A-Cheng he’s also content to just follow. Though I love it how he also bickered with both of them and then grew soft over them while things got happier at times.

Otherwise, I can’t really give any names. I just adored how Li Jia managed to worm his way into everybody’s life. It’s truly a quality I admire, even more so because he did it so gently. He saw people’s pain and wanted to help them. He saw them struggling and offered understanding instead of hate. He saw people being a little “weird” and instead of somehow stigmatizing them, understood them and met them halfway. Like I said, he’s infinitely good, and I think that also shows up in all of his relationships. All he wanted, was for people to be happy (and maybe find happiness himself).

My unpopular opinion about this character

(I’m just going to skip this but if you want to hear about something, anything, related to JAtN feel free to ask!)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Oh boy, now I can finally talk about this. I hope you don’t mind spoilers? If you do then just ignore this whole question and come talk to me about something else.

But ah, I almost talked about this in my Chacha part but back then my dear Kiddo hadn’t finished the drama yet so I couldn’t. But now I’m here! And the thing is: as much as I loved the ending and Zeng Shunxi being allowed to be absolutely badass in it, I want to know more about his (what seemed to be) alter! I want to know who they are, what kind of person they are, what they want, where are they from, how do they know Li Jia? It’s like Kiddo said while we talked about this; it feels like in the last episode of JAtN we just gained this whole new character! And I am just so curious about them. Because we learn so little about them. I know they’re probably the protector type, keeping Li Jia safe from people that might harm him but what else? And how will Li Jia’s friends react to this? How will they figure it out? How will this new person, this alter, adapt to Li Jia’s life and the people he cares about? I want to see more of that! I want to know where this leads! And I would say that I want another season if I wasn’t absolutely terrified of the idea of the whole production team absolutely ruining all of it :’D But it could be good in a sense if they considered all the aspect of this type of portrayal and representing something as complex as a dissociative personality disorder (if that is what it is). I loved the ending but it also felt me so damn curious and I don’t know where to place these feelings.

thank you so much my dear for sending all these asks! i had so much fun with them ;; am also just so thankful that this gave me the chance to talk about li jia and my feelings about him. he is wonderful. i wish i had more jatn for my aching soul. have an amazing day! ♥  

[queer-crusader]

Okay update on my life since it seems talking about it doesn’t trigger another panic attack/breakdown:

So i graduated in july right

And with the end of uni, my student funding ends too

So i look for a job bc i cannot sustain myself otherwise

Except the economy is shit, because the UK is handling the pandemic almost worse than any other country in the world (we love that)

Knowing i’ll need some financial support to tie me over, i apply to universal credit

I also know my roommate, who i’ve lived with for 5 years, is moving out in october, and i will need to find someone to replace her or i end up paying £1000/month for living in this flat, which i don’t have of course

Job search becomes more frantic and exhausting and stressful

Also my dad started throwing up at some point and is eating less and is very specific about not upsetting his stomach. This is strange because he is known for his iron stomach and has not thrown up in years. I know my family history, i have my suspicions, but the doctor says it could be an ulcer. It could be fine, but my brain jumps to the worst-case scenario, because why wouldn’t it? More stress

Universal credit gets back to me - application denied

I think, hey, the category they filed me under seems wrong, i should be a habitual resident, not an EEA jobseeker, because i’ve lived here 6 years now. So i apply for an appeal, explaining the situation

Few weeks later, i receive a letter. Appeal rejected. It goes into detail how some rule that was set up in 2016 (Brexit year) lists all the reasons why just living here for 6 years, building up contacts, creating a future, feeling at home, being allowed to vote for Scottish parliament elections, is not good enough. Every sentence is like a punch in the gut. The letter boils down to fancy government words that translate to “you’re a freeloading immigrant who, according to our records, might as well be living in Fiji, and we’re giving you fuck all. Good luck surviving”

Full-blown breakdown ensues, because I’ve been fearing this ever since i arrived but was told by EVERYONE that that fear is ridiculous. I fit in, i belong, i sound English, i’m fluent, i’m passionate and well-educated about local politics, etc. I knew it wouldn’t be good enough. Race doesn’t matter; I’m European, and for the UK government, that’s good enough.

Anyway, cue the next day, and my mum phones me with news

My dad is in hospital. Turns out i was right - bowel cancer. He’s going into emergency surgery the very next day to get a tumour removed

I don’t sleep that night, for obvious reasons

Dad comes out of surgery fine, they got the whole thing, took some extra tests to see if it spread but it’s looking good so far. Meanwhile i have images of my dad, skinny as hell and with a tube up his nose seared into my brain

I fly home two days later to be with my family, who obviously need me

My dad is cleared of cancer, which is AWESOME, but we do learn that if the doctors had waited a couple days longer he could have had a perforated bowel. My mum is furious with the GP who underestimated the case

I get in touch with my landlady, saying “hey, this is my life right now, i am not in a position to search for a roommate replacement. Here’s the pics we took of the flat, can you look yourself? Also, if i don’t find a job by the end of the month, I may have to move out as well due to financial struggles, so keep in mind there’s a chance you’re going to have to look for two new tenants”

Landlady’s reply: “oh i can’t afford for the flat to be empty so i’m gonna sell it now”

So now i don’t even have an option of keeping the flat. I’ll have to move out, job or not. I can’t afford a new flat, and i can’t look for one bc a) pandemic and b) im in another country looking after my recovering dad (who is still losing weight btw, 15kg or 30-something lbs or 2.5 stone in a month, it’s horrible to see but at least he’s feeling a little better each day)

If i lose my flat, i may not be able to get a UK job. If i don’t get a UK job, chances are, i can not return to Scotland

6 years of living here, of building friendships, contacts and connections, skills for a career (which is also down the drain - theatre, an industry that is currently being killed by a lovely combo of the UK govt and the pandemic), a home, a love for the county, an intimate knowledge of the workings here, the language, the system, the stories, the history, i almost know the system here better than the Dutch one - my entire adult life. I may lose.

There is a chance i’ll be able to cling on, and god im fighting for it with the few spoons i have after all this stress, but the chance of me losing everything is equally plausible.

I have now flown back to Scotland where I put myself in self-isolation

In a week, my roommate will have moved out and i have 10 or so days left stuck in this place all by myself

I will spend this time packing up all my belongings, choosing what to take back to my parents’ place with me and what to put into storage, which i will pay for with my remaining savings and some financial support from the parents (they can’t afford much tho, my mum is unemployed and on benefits and my dad is a freelancer recovering from fucking surgery. I have no idea what their financial situation is right now, but apparently they’re okay-ish with their savings. Still, stress, and i don’t wanna burden them even more)

Then there’s the hope that the lockdown won’t have regressed back to that point where every plane is cancelled, and i’m stuck in this country without a place to call my home. (Don’t worry, i won’t end up on the street if this happens, I have friends willing to shelter me until i can fly home if they have to)

And once i’ve left, it’s only a question of when, and more promenently if, I’ll be able to return here, to Scotland.

I have never been this stressed, and i have never been this terrified. I am angry all the time (yes you can read that in Zuko’s voice lmao), I’m exhausted, and i’m fuelled by spite against prime minister Blow-Job and sheer stubbornness in refusing to feel like shit, because i just can’t be bothered with that. I just about manage to get through the day, to get up at a reasonable time, to feed myself, to shower, to exercise (because if i don’t, my wonky hip will give me hell and i’ll be in agony on top of my depression and anxiety. We love functioning bodies). But I’ll be okay. I’m trying to find solutions for everything, one step at a time. I’m taking care of myself the best i can. And if you wonder where my writing updates are, or my shitposts, or my ridiculously excited tags, then firstly, thank you for noticing ohmygod i love you, and secondly, know that i’ll be back. If God exists, know im kicking their ass. Fuck all this bullshit, my life is a mess but i REFUSE to let it stop me in my tracks. I’m too powerful, i am Brian David Gilbert’s interpretation of Sonic (either a god or can kill god and it doesn’t matter which). I’m gonna keep on truckin.

[jeonsdear]

I’m having a mental breakdown. I’m supposed to start a course tomorrow that I’m not interested in bc I don’t know what I want to study or work with and I’m just crying bc I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I want to do, so how to I make progress in life? And I don’t want to have a job that doesn’t fulfill me and that doesn’t pay well. I’ve been stuck for years and I still don’t know what to do. Everything feels wrong. I just want to start living, but I can’t and I’m so frustrated and tired

This is really hard for me to answer because I can’t remember a time I didn’t know what to do. I always knew I wanted to go into teaching (even though I question whether I can do it a lot) and a big part of that is also my purpose in this life. But I have a few friends who are in the same situation so I’m going to base my answer on those experiences and I’m going to give you some tough love.

First of all, your purpose does not have to be your career. Just because mine is a big part of my purpose, does not mean the universe or whatever assigned you the same. People find their calling in parenthood, in the way they care for humans or animals, in their hobbies or just in their existence. So keep that in mind. And I truly believe each one of us has some kind of purpose. We just have to learn to embrace it.

How old are you? If you are a teenager, know that this is the norm. Only few teenagers actually know for sure what they want to do. If you’re in your early twenties, this isn’t too unheard of either. So if you’re a teen I’d just suggest keep it easy and try new stuff. You’ve got time to figure stuff out.

I’m going to assume you are around my age though. Now, the thing is, you have to pay bills. As much as I support people doing jobs they are passionate about, at the end of the day you have to make sure you survive. I go by the rule that as long as the job serves to pay your bills, it’s a good bridge offering time for you to figure out what your next career step is going to be. Not everyone of us is privileged enough to take time to figure out what we want to study. Some of us have to go right into it and it sucks but that’s how life is.

Since you’re talking about starting a course, however, I feel like you started University without actually being passionate about your subject. First of all, attitude is everything. As dumb as it sounds, if you start something being all negative it’s not gonna serve you. Be open for surprises! You don’t actually know whether you enjoy it or not. But by starting this course not even remotely interested or at least open-minded, you’re closing a door that might just be something you needed. I could preach about law of attraction because I find it to be so true in my life and I wish more people understood that there’s some truth behind it. That is also connected to my practical advice for everyone not knowing what they actually like: try it. Try as many things as you can, especially those that seem to be SO far away from what you usually enjoy. A lot of people don’t reach for fields because they put themselves in categories and are scared to shake those up. At Uni, you can sit in the most random lectures from other subjects! I sat in a mechanics lecture about space travel and it was fascinating. I did it because I had a spare period between my classes and I would advise you to do the same. But most importantly, give your current course a chance. Honestly, don’t be that kid where others can smell you don’t wanna be there. Give it a chance. Give yourself a chance. 

Now, try to journal and answer those following questions, because they can really help you figure out what’s going on:

1. Do I live the life my parents/family/friends/surroundings expect me to? Do I live according to my own wishes and morals or do I follow a path set out for me? (cue: if you are, you most likely haven’t found yourself and that’s why it’s so hard for you) 

2. Am I mentally well? Am I depressed? Do I have anxiety? (cue: depression makes everything hard in life so of course everything is shitty. It’s not you, it’s your brain. Get help)

3. Do I trust myself? (cue: If you don’t, you aren’t confident in pursuing the things you really wanna do so you don’t even consider them. You probably know what you’d like but you don’t trust yourself enough to actually do them.)

4. What are my abilities? How are my grades? What are my resources? (cue: check what you can actually realistically study. I didn’t have the grades for medicine so there’s no reason to be hung up on that)

I love you so I’m going to give you the fields I considered besides teaching, or the aspects that I thought were important in my career choice maybe you can find yourself somewhere in there:

1. HUMANS. I wanna work with humans. Preferably young ones --> Teaching, kindergarten, nurse, doctor, psychology based careers, 2. ANIMALS.  Veterinarian, zoo keeper, veterinarian helper, animal and environmental protection fields (they are looking for young women and they are starting to pay a lot for that and it’s very future-orientated lol) 3. MORALS. I believe in being a good person and being a positive influence --> teaching, kindergarten, nurse, law (to some extent), environmental fields 5. ABILITIES. What am I good at? --> In my case: languages, being motivating, organising and planning, patient, kind, social studies, introspective, learning, listening and empathising, leading 6. INTERESTS. What do I enjoy? --> reading, writing, cultural studies, learning languages, learning in general, politics and discussions, fighting for good causes, the way human brains work (e.g psychology), astrology, self-development, being a leader 7. DISLIKES. What do I dislike --> natural sciences, mechanics, anything with numbers, working outside, repetitive routines, no routines (e.g secretary and stuff ain’t my thing)

I applied for all the teaching programs in my state and a few law programs. I knew I wanted to study and not do job training (in Germany we call it Ausbildung) so I didn’t really consider nursing or kindergarten or any of that sort. 

But I want to end this answer with a big big big and passionate statement: do not choose your career based on money if you want to enjoy it. This is for people that do not care about what they work in as long as it gives them a lot of money. If you actually care about enjoying your work, better say goodbye to the idea of earning a lot. I don’t go into teaching because it gives me shit tons of money. I would not survive my studies if that was my reason lol. You seem like someone who wants to work in a field they enjoy, so...forget about the money.

I sincerely hope this is at least a little bit helpful and I honestly hope you will figure it out soon!  

[smolspiderboy]

Love & Baseball ~ Scott Reed

Request: Hi can i request a scott reed imagine where the reader doesnt go to liberty high (she does online/homeschool) but they meet through a summer job and start dating, but when school starts back up he never wants her to come to games or parties or anything and one day she surprises him at one of his games and he gets really mad and doesn’t want to introduce her to his friends and she thinks its bc hes embarrassed by her or cheating or something worse but it turns out he just doesn’t want her to know that he’s friends with such awful people and likes that their relationship is private and he can get away from it all when hes with her

Pairing: Scott Reed x Reader

A/N: @sunshinegally requested this and i’m so happy they did! I love them and they are absolutely amazing (: This was honestly so much fun to write and I’m super sorry it took me so long to post it. I really hope you like it even though it kinda sucks. Also I’ve been super busy with school and family this summer. But i’m back and better than ever so go ahead and request imagines and ships now!

Warnings: Cursing and mentions of Bryce Walker (ew)

You never would’ve imagined that working at the local Dairy Queen for the summer would be the best decision of your life. Usually teenagers dreaded going back to work during the summer and originally this was the case for you. At least until you met him. Scott Reed, the most wonderful, fun-loving, and caring guy in this small town. This boy meant everything to you and this was the best summer of your entire life. But of course, summer always comes to an end.

“Scottie, I can’t believe how lucky I am to call you mine.” You smile at him leaning into his open arms. This was the usual date night for you and Scott, laying in bed watching movies together. It may seem simple and lame to others but the both of you loved the idea of being close to one another and not having to do fancy/expensive things to make each other happy.

“Babe, if anything I’m the lucky one. I mean have you seen yourself? You’re basically a Goddess.” Scott remarks, true infatuation evident in his eyes. “Spending time with you is my favorite activity.” He places a kiss onto your temple.

“I love spending time with you too. I’m so sad that school starts back tomorrow.” You fill a twinge of guilt wash over you because Scott goes to Liberty High and you’re currently homeschooled. “You’ll be so busy with homework and sports that I won’t get to see you as often.” You pout.

“Y/n, you’re one of my top priorities don’t worry about any of that. I can always make time for my girl.” He smirks peppering your face with kisses.

“You’re too cute, Scott Reed. Too cute.” You chuckle rolling on top of him.

“Only for you y/l/n.” He winks pulling you back down to him so that he can easily wrap you in a hug. “I can’t wait for you to come see me play baseball in the Spring. The teams going to be great this year. We have so much to work for since Jeff Atkins isn’t with us anymore.” He slowly looks down, you can tell how close him and Jeff were. Losing a friend is always hard, especially if they were your closest teammate.

“Oh yeah. Just look for the loudest girl cheering in the bleachers every game. That will be me.” You genuinely smile feeling great about your relationship.

“Gotcha babe. Spring can’t come fast enough.” Scott chirps giving you a slow and passionate kiss.

Times skip to Spring

As your relationship with Scott progressed from the summer forward it seemed as if it couldn’t get any better. The world just seemed better when you and Scott were together and you couldn’t see yourself with anyone else. But of course nothing is perfect at all times.

Scott seemed to have been distancing himself lately and you honestly had no idea why. Things seemed to be perfect earlier but as soon as baseball season started he started going to parties with the team and not inviting you. Thoughts raced through your head wondering what you have done wrong but no logical explanation came to your mind except that Scott was either embarrassed of you or cheating on you. Actually no, Scott would never do that to you. But this still made no sense at all.

“Hey Scott, it’s y/n. Just wanted to check in and make sure the baseball game is tomorrow at 5?” You ended the voicemail feeling slightly awkward leaving a message. You were always a little awkward at phone calls and expressing your feelings when you aren’t face to face. Luckily Scott had invited you over this afternoon after practice so you could see him then.

“Hey.” You greet him with a kiss. “Did you get my voicemail earlier?”

“Oh yeah, I was just about to call you back but I remembered you were coming over today anyway.” He says moving out of the doorway letting you enter his home.

“Oh yeah that makes sense.” You mentally facepalm yourself.

“But coach rescheduled the game tomorrow for next week.” He says visibly frowning. “But I’ll try to see if you can get into that game.” He says instantly replacing his previous frown with a smile.

“Oh yeah, that’s fine. I just can’t wait to see my baby in action.” You giggle sitting down on the couch beside him.

“I’ll make sure we win just for you.” He places a soft kiss onto your lips. “But the team is a little shaky this year without Jeff and since there’s so much drama going around Liberty.”

“Drama? What happened?” This was the first time he’s told you about drama on the baseball team. Usually he makes it seem like they all walk on clouds and are perfect. Especially a boy named Bryce Walker. But you might be wrong.

“Ah well it’s nothing really.” He shrugs it off obviously not wanting to go into further detail.

“Oh alright.” You whisper feeling a little upset that he isn’t sharing his problems with you. “Well I hope everything turns around before the seasons over.” You try to lighten the mood.

“Doubt it.” He mumbles under his breath.

“What was that?” You question barely able to understand what he says.

“Oh um, I said let’s eat. My mom made us some dinner.” He stands up outstretching his hand towards you. “M’lady.” This makes you chuckle.

“Why thank you kind sir.” You meet his hand with yours and walk into the dining room with his parents. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Reed.” You smile receiving a hello back. They all begin to eat once you sit down and for awhile dinner goes by in complete silence. A silent dinner isn’t abnormal in the Reed household though. Scott usually isn’t home until late at night due to practice and both of his parents work crazy schedules. Mr. Reed breaks the silence though.

“So Scott, how was practice?” Mr. Reed asks after taking a bite of his food.

“It was pretty good. The team’s a little rusty right now.” He refuses to make eye contact.

“Well I hope that you guys can catch a few wins this season.” His dad laughs a little. “How is that Bryce kid doing?” When this question leaves his dad’s mouth you notice Scott physically freeze and look upet.

“I don’t really wanna talk about Bryce right now dad. I’m going to the bathroom.” Scott gets up and leaves the table.

“Sorry about that y/n, Scott’s been a little iffy lately with baseball.” Mrs. Reed apologizes

“It’s fine Mrs. Reed. Baseball is really important to Scott and he probably just wants to make you proud.” You smile at her before taking a bite of the mashed potatoes.

“Are you planning on coming to the game tomorrow?” Scott’s dad asks making you look up quicky.

“Oh they have a game tomorrow?” You question feeling slightly suspicious of Scott’s statement earlier.

“Yes, it is a home game at 5 pm.” Mrs. Reed chimes in.

“Hm alright. I will try my best to be there.” You mutter while attempting to force a smile. Scott comes back after that conversation and you pretend everything is fine. After dinner you make up an excuse to leave so that you can go home and clear your head.

Why would Scott lie to you? What is he hiding? These questions filled your head throughout the night, keeping you from falling asleep. Scott never lies to you. Never. Something is definitely wrong.

The next afternoon

You’re getting dressed for the baseball game when you receive a text from Scott.

Scott: Hey babe, I miss you so much. 😫

Y/n: I miss you too 😔

Scott: Maybe we could hang out later tonight?

Y/n: I’m actually busy tonight. But maybe tomorrow?

Scott: Tomorrow is fine with me (:

As you finish applying your makeup you grab your keys and begin heading out the door. Coming to Scott’s secret game could either be a really good idea or a really bad idea.

As you arrive you try to blend in with the crowd so that way Scott won’t notice you until later when you run up to him and hug him. The baseball game lasts for awhile and soon it’s the last inning and Scott is up to bat. The pitcher throws a fastball but Scott swings with just the right amount of force and speed to send it flying across the field and over the fence. He hit a homerun!

“Woo!!! Go baby!!!” You accidentally yell once he runs around the bases making it back home. He quickly turns around and spots you and forces a very uncomfortable smile onto his face. He gives a small wave and then walks back to the dugout with his teammates to celebrate their win. As fans begin to leave or go visit their kids you go wait by the dugout for Scott, hoping that he has come up with a good excuse as to why he would lie to you.

You feel a body move behind you and whip around to see a tall boxy boy standing a little too close for comfort. “Hey, haven’t seen you around here before.” The mysterious man says sticking out his hand in order for you to shake it.

“Yeah, this is my first time coming to a game.” You mumble praying that Scott walks out any second.

“Well a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be standing here all alone. Some guys around here are sleazy.” He says placing a hand on your shoulder. You shrug it off just as Scott exits the dugout and walks over to you.

“Bryce, get your hands off of my girlfriend.” Scott says throwing his stuff down on the ground and shielding you from the boy now known as Bryce.

“Reed chill. I was just getting to know her. Telling her how some guys around here do bad things to pretty girls.” He says eyeballing you. Immediately you feel uncomfortable and place your arms over your chest and slide behind Scott.

“Walker get the fuck away from us right now or I swear you’re going to regret ever looking at y/n.” Scott says stepping towards Bryce sizing him up.

“Dude calm down. I’m leaving. Way to ruin all of the fun.” He says walking back towards the dugout.

“Are you okay?” Scott says placing his hands on your arms searching your body for any signs of discomfort.

“Y-yes, I’m fine.” You stutter feeling scared of your previous surroundings. “He didn’t get to do anything because you showed up so thank you.” You look down at your feet afraid to meet his gaze. Why would he be friends with such terrible people?

“I’m really sorry you had to meet him. And I’m also super sorry that I lied to you about the game tonight.” He says tilting your chin up so that you can look at his face.

You nod. “Well now I see why you never invited me.” You roll your eyes at the situation. “I want to be mad at you but I do understand why you wouldn’t want me to be put in this kind of situation.”

“I never wanted to hurt you by lying, I just know some of the guys on this team aren’t the best people to introduce to girlfriends and I didn’t want you to be put in an uncomfortable situation like this.” He says blabbering on and on about how sorry he is.

“Scott it’s fine. I’m just happy you aren't embarrassed of me or something.” You chuckle making him become the one to look confused.

“You thought I was embarrassed of you?” He looks confused and you slowly nod your head. “Y/n, I would never in a million years be ashamed or embarrassed of you. You are the literal light of my life and I love to show you off. I just liked keeping our relationship private and away from all of the team because it helps me escape from all the drama while keeping you safe.” He holds your hands while looking into your eyes.

“Aw Scottie, I love you.” You giggle placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I love you too. And I will never be able to tell you how thankful I am that you chose me.” He leans down to kiss you. The kiss is slow but yet passionate and you can feel just how much he loves you and never wants to let you go.

[c00chmaster420]

this is a long vent and storytime-ish. tw/dr*gs

it hurts going from being the kid who could read and write super well from an early age who got an award for english in high school and had a 98 in science for most of the year despite it always being my worst class and didn’t even have to try in school to barely being able to get a proper sentence out half the time and never being able to explain/express myself bc my brain is so fogged and fucked from all the drugs i do/have done that i can only think at like half capacity now. i used to be a rlly smart kid, i never had to try in school and i’d always get by just fine, if we had writing competitions in school i would usually win, i was basically an english prodigy. now i’ve dropped out of highschool and am in a constant state of brain fog, i can’t even feel things properly anymore. i can’t ground myself to my surroundings or feel genuinely present, it’s so difficult sitting outside at night and listening to music (one of my fav things to do) and trying to just be there in the moment but not being able to fully process literally anything that’s happening or my surroundings. i’m never fully there. i feel like a ghost or something. i used to be so against drugs and alcohol and then for some reason i decided fuck it, i wanna try acid bc it sounds bad and i wanna do something really bad just for the adrenaline. then i tried it and fell in love, i’d never even smoked weed before that, just drank oil, so being high was new to me and i immediately fell in love. nothing compared to the feeling drugs gave me, it was such an experience and made me feel so good and was so fun, like nothing i’d ever done before. i was rlly depressed and kinda hated myself and didn’t have many friends or a life so drugs were the one really good thing i had. i did acid a second time with molly and once again absolutely loved it. then my dealer got arrested and i didn’t have anywhere else to get acid so i turned to dxm (another drug i said i’d absolutely never do, but desperation makes people do weird things). i loved dxm as much as acid, i got (mentally) addicted almost immediately. plus it was so easy to get and i had money really frequently so i could just go grab some for $10 whenever i wanted. i quickly spiralled from that, i started doing it at school and doing it every night i could and if i didn’t have it i’d have cravings for it so bad i’d be scratching and hitting myself and pulling my hair and sobbing so hard i’d almost throw up. i also started doing molly pretty often and other things like coke and shrooms and a lot of acid. my drug problem almost got out of hand at one point, i overdosed twice within a week of each other and got serotonin syndrome also twice within a week of each other. i got a bit better when i had to go to my grandmas for a few weeks and didn’t have access to any drugs, and i wasn’t getting money regularly either so i was forced to go sober for a while. at one point i got better and started only smoking weed and drinking and i was doing good for months if not a year but i slipped again. my friend invited me to come over and do ghb with her parents and i agreed, ofc. welp, i wound up doing a LOT of meth that night as well. this is where i started slipping. the day after that night (well technically the day AFTER the day after) i went back and did ghb and smoked a bunch more meth with my friends parents. the kicker is my friend wasn’t even there this time. i’m close with her parents so they said i could meet with their dealer at their place bc they didn’t want me meeting with him alone (mans got second degree murder charges, numerous assault charges, and many more. he’s a very dangerous guy). i met him the night i went there the first time bc he came to sell them the ghb. he wound up spending the whole night and we TOTALLY vibed (before i found out he was dangerous asf). also the first time i saw him he came in needing stitches bc he just bashed a girls car window to get back at her, so that’s lovely. we were gonna do stitches on him there but didn’t wind up doing that.

the next morning he offered to walk me to the bus stop but instead tried to take me to his doctors appointment with him?? keep in mind i’m a 17 year old girl and he’s a 35 year old man. so that was rlly weird but i managed to get away and go home. anyways the point of this was i used to have so much potential and be so different but now i’ve ruined my life with drugs and i hate it. i went from saying i would never even drink to smoking meth out of a wine glass in my mom’s bathroom bc i have literally no self control anymore. my cousin begged/told me not to touch the meth but here i am scraping little bits of it off to smoke and hoping she doesn’t notice. i wanted xans and her dealer is in the nw and i’m in the sw so he didn’t wanna come all the way just to sell me two xans so we got a bunch of meth too even though she just plans on probably selling it and not taking it. i’m slowly losing control, first it started with just planning on smoking the loose little teeny bits in the bag to scraping off some from the rock and i should’ve stopped at there but i couldn’t. i know i should’ve stopped at there, there was less chance of her noticing and i shouldn’t rlly be risking it but here i am about to go scrape even more off for like my 4th time and pray she doesn’t notice. i’m so fucking stressed, i’ve been lying to my bf and my family about the drugs and i feel so guilty but at the same time i kinda don’t which almost makes me feel worse. i always put myself and my interests first and do what i want even if i have to lie about it because i don’t have any self control anymore. i’ve stopped caring more and more, i used to never do anything if there was even the smallest chance of me getting caught bc i was so scared of getting in trouble but lately i’ve been developing an attitude of ‘what are they gonna do about it? even if they find out, i already did it, the most they can do is get mad and i can just choose not to give a fuck that they’re mad’. i also have been putting myself in more and more dangerous situations (usually for drugs) and i think to myself a lot ‘who cares if something happens? i wanna die anyways and if something else happens i’ll just deal with it, it’s whatever, i can choose not to care about it’ and i know that’s gonna get me in a really bad situation one day. i was doing so good for so long and now i’m just spiralling so bad again. i don’t think i can get better either bc i need to want to get better and for some reason i don’t? like of course i wanna be better and have a solid life but the reality of putting in all the work and actually getting there is just something i can’t do. i’d rather just throw my life away and wallow in my mental illness until i either die young from an od or laced drugs or i kms.

like the reality is i literally can’t be a functioning adult. maybe if i went on a bunch of medication and got a shit ton of therapy maybe, but i can’t even bring myself to look for jobs or apply to them, and the thought of actually working is TERRIFYING. i have such fucking bad anxiety, any time i leave the house i constantly feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me and i’m hyper aware of how i look and how i’m breathing and walking. getting a job and being an adult just isn’t realistic for me, plus i literally hate the human race and the world in general so i have absolutely no desire to stay alive and be a functioning adult in a world that i literally hate anyways. i don’t wanna be here anymore. i just want everything to stop

[capricxs]

💏 for jeremy & diane bc i can't help myself

15. …passionately.

“if you make her puke i’ll punch you in the face.” diane pans, looking at leigh whose got daphne swinging in her arms. after having a stomach pumped with mini donuts and cheese curds, she was just waiting for it to come right back up.

“chill out, mama bear, she’ll be fine.” she rolls her eyes, dipping her daughter again as she erupts in a fit of giggles.

for some reason, leigh was still a child, who wanted to go to coney island for her birthday, who requested the company of diane and daphne for her gathering, which still baffled her. while they seemed to give each other a hard time frequently, it seemed to be out of jest or affection. or… something.

the typical gang was together. darcy and nathan looking hot and trendy together, sharing a beer and just looking like the happy couple form an indie movie. while diane would never say it, they were cute together. 

the day was rather hot. diane made the point to for once, wear a dress. a flowing on that would let the air circulate throughout her body and not completely overheat. while it wasn’t black like most of her closet, it was a dark blue, and that was about as much as she’s change.

while everything was pretty much a shot called by leigh with what she wanted to do, she took daphne on a lot of the smaller rides, letting her have the fun. diane hadn’t seen this side of her much, but she figured she was likely always the ‘cool aunt’ type anyways. 

“okay, okay, maybe we should head to the beach and just… chill out, yeah?” he picks up daphne again, perching her on her shoulders.

“whatever you wanna do.” nathan shrugs.

so that’s what they did. darcy told diane to get ready to swim if that was where things would go. you never can count on leigh, so it’s always good to be prepared. diane herself didn’t swim often, but she wore her suit under her dress anyways, just in case. she made sure daphne did the same. 

somehow, they managed to find a spot on the packed beach were they could lay down their giant blanket, darcy and diane taking a seat while nathan and leigh began undressing and helping daphne get into her floaties. 

“babe, you’re not going to swim?” nathan gives her a smile, pulling out the sunscreen to hand to her. he knows she burns like crazy. 

“no, i think i’m going to hang here a bit.” she takes it form his hand, popping it open to begin applying more onto her legs and arms, as well as the back of her neck. 

“okay. wanna let jeremy know where we are. i think he said he’d be here around this time.” he grabs daphne and puts her on his shoulder as she gets the floaties on her arms.

“kay.” she shrugs.

then they were off, and the sisters were left alone. diane was peaking over at the phone as darcy began to type. “i thought jeremy had to work.”

“he did. but he managed to get off early, so he’s coming afterall.” she shrugs, only to send the text and look up, giving a smirk to diane. “why? you excited your boyfriend’s coming after all?”

diane rolls her eyes, even if darcy can’t see it behind her sunglasses. “don’t act like a child.”

“i think you’re the one acting like a child. it’s like you guys are in tension city, it’s gotten so bad this past year. like just fuck him already.” she shrugs. “honestly, are you worried about us? like it’ll get awkward or something?”

“hardly.” she says firmly. “i just… don’t think he’s it. i think i’m just sexually frustrated.”

“it? you don’t this he’s it? diane, he’s a doctor for fuck’s sake, and you’re not about to put him on lockdown?” she scoffs, rubbing more sunscreen on the underside of her legs. “you’re seriously just being a little bitch.”

“hey!” she barks. “don’t talk to me like that.”

“just calling it like i see it.”

“well you’re not seeing it right.” she huffs, sliding open her bag to take out her book. “he’s just a good friend.”

“good friends don’t make other good friends go to galas with them.” she mutters to herself.

“how do you know about that?” diane looks up from her book, frowning under her large sunglasses.

“oh come on. my fiance is best friends with him. you don’t think he didn’t call him after the whole thing? i think he was a bit tipsy which, made it very entertaining.” she giggles. “he rambled on quite a lot.”

there was a pause in the air, and diane thought about the information that just came to her. “well… what did he say?” she says casually, as if it’s her right to know this information.

“oh, so now you care.” darcy laughs.

“you’re so amused by what he said, so what did he say?” she shrugged, closing her book.

“maybe you should ask him.” she smirks.

“i hate you.” she grumbles, knowing darcy really wasn’t going to come out and say it so she kept her mouth shut, going back to her book. removing all attention from whatever her sister was doing.

many pages in, it was the most progress diane had been able to make on her book in weeks, and honestly, she was thankfully. right when she was getting wrapped into it and her brain was down the rabbit hole of the thriller mystery, something pulled her attention away. “ladies!” 

jeremy called from behind then, sitting on the blanket next to diane, crossing his legs. “sorry, i stopped for some shaved ice first. it’s hot out.” he huffs, taking a spoonful and shoving it past his lips. he must have already eaten a bit, because she can see his lips starting to turn blue. maybe she was staring at his lips a bit too long, watching his tongue trail over them after the ice totally melted.

“it’s okay. we’ve just been having quiet time here.” darcy replies, “glad you could make it.”

“oh, i wouldn’t miss leigh’s birthday if i could help it. i did that once… bit me in the ass pretty quick.” he laughs. “where is the rest of the party, anyways?” he looks around.

“they’re swimming.” diane replies stiffly, extending a hand to point to where the three were, playing and splashing together.

jeremy groans, “swimming sounds amazing right now. why are you two doing that?”

“someone has to stay with the stuff.” diane replies again. even if that wasn’t the whole truth, it was a good reason.

“well i know you’re boring so that doesn’t surprise me.” jeremy nudges into her, then looking at darcy. “why don’t you go swim. i can keep the grump company until i finish this.”

diane looks to see darcy raise an eyebrow under her sunglasses, looking right at jeremy. “sure. i’ll leave you to be then.” she shrugs, standing up and peeling off her shorts and tee shirt, walking from the blanket to the beach where the others were swimming.

“is it just me, or are things tense.” jeremy chuckles.

“they’re very tense. nice job detective.” diane grumbles, looking down at her book again, trying to go back to her fictional haven.

he leans back, a bit defensively. “this place is too happy for your sour attitude today.”

all she says is, “too bad.” 

leaning back in, jeremy’s voice gets lower. “are you okay?”

“fine.” she huffs.

“that’s not how fine sounds.” there’s a pause. “you don’t have to tell me, but i’m going to make sure this attitude does not stick around.” he pulls back, looking back at everyone playing in the water, taking another bite of his shaved ice. “i’m so glad to be here, and not drowning in paperwork.” he sighs. “maybe you should be too.”

he had a point. it was far too nice of a day, spending time with her (unfortunately) favorite people, to be this bitter. treating daphne to a fun day out always made her feel better about everything. she was so tight and upset too much of the time. she shouldn’t be so bent over something her sister said, or the fact that she was one hundred percent right and she hated that fact. 

“i hate that you’re right so much.” the corner of her glossed over lips tug into a smirk. 

“i know, it bothers you a lot.” he laughs. “shaved ice?” he holds it out to her.

“oh no, that stuff is gross.” she shakes her head.

“gross?” he gasps, shaking his head incredulously, causing her to break out in a light fit of giggles.

by some miracle, diane was convinced to go into the water with everyone and have fun with daphne, swimming around and splashing. of course, after jeremy had begun splashing her, it was just hilarious to gang up on her and suddenly she was soaked, her styled hair losing all product and sticking to her face. she told them how lucky they were they were in the presence of her child, otherwise they’d be dead.

they’d all left the water together, diane holding daphne’s hand, and drying her off as best as she could. she got back into her clothes, which would only get a little damp, and she put her hair back into a ponytale, so it wouldn’t get too out of hand. they can always wash it when they get home. she just slipped her dress back on, which she was thanking herself for making things so easy on herself. 

“so… dinner?” leigh beams, slipping her shirt over her head.

“you are relentless.” diane sighs. “it’s like you have pockets of energy stores in random parts of your body.”

“yeah, this is… very normal.” nathan nods. “but dinner sound great, leigh. where were you thinking?”

“the place.” she grins.

“the place is not child appropriate.” jeremy interjects.

“oh my god, what is the place?” diane frowns at all of them.

“place we used to go a lot when we were younger. it doesn’t matter. it’s very stingy.” he places a hand on her arm to reassure her, then looks back at leigh. “another day, yeah? but for now, let’s do your second choice.”

there’s a slight pout in her lips, but it quickly passes as she shrugs. “alright fine. i like that italian place on 42nd and dearbourn.” they all nod, knowing the place she’s referencing.

“cool cool.” nathan nods, bending down to pick daphne up, resting her on his hip. “someone wanna ride with jeremy so the car isn’t so crammed. and loud.” he pans.

“diane can go with him.” darcy smirks.

jeremy hums. “she’s much better with google maps then i am, that would help.” he turns to her and smiles. “that okay?”

“fine.” she shrugs, glaring at her sister.

they all go back to the parking lot, climbing int heir respective cars. soon enough they’re all pulling into busy new york traffic and diane runs her finger through her wet wavy hair. “take the next exit.” she looks over her phone, getting more directions.

“okay, miss directions lady.” he grins. 

“you give me a headache.” she sighs.

“no i don’t.” he looks over at her, and she swears every ounce of breath is removed from her lungs. the sunlight catches his blue eyes and there’s little crinkles at the ends that she just wants to run her thumb over. his teeth glow and everything radiates and she can’t help smiling herself.

god her sister is so right and she hates that she is.

she turns her head back to look over the phone as he takes the next exit. so she decides to bring up the one thing boggling her mind since the afternoon. “darcy told me you called nate after the gala.”

“that snitch.” he grits through his teeth. “what did she say?” he looks at her, that smile seeming to fade.

“that’s all she said. just that you called.” she shrugs casually, watching him carefully. “what did you say, jeremy?”

he keeps his eyes on the road, narrowing them slightly as he contemplates what he’s about to say. “i told him i had a lot of fun with you.” his fingers drum against the steering wheel. “that i always have a lot of fun with you.” he sucks in his lips, reaching a finger up to scratch his nose. “that you also looked beautifully stunning and i never wanted it to end.”

the air was stiff, the car was silent, diane was staring at him as he kept on the highway, cruising down as his finger lightly tapped the leather of the steering wheel. had he really said all that to nathan. darcy said it was a drunk stupor. either that was the truth or he was saying to her now just as is. either way, it was some sheen of truth and her cheeks were getting warm. 

“you don’t get to go out that much do you?” she jokes. “first girl who  takes you out to a nice outting, you get drunk, and you say all these sweet things about her.”

he takes a moment to look away from the road to meet her eyes, his face stern. “you’re not just a girl, diane.” 

for some reason, that really took it out of her. but in a muse different way that before. heat started boiling inside that’s been pent up for the last half decade is starting to accumulate and she lets out a breath.

“i sure hope i’m not.” she keeps watching him as he turns back to look at the road. his fingers tightened around the wheel, his jaw tensing. she could see his pupils dilate and she kept her knees together as she turned to watch the road herself.

“whoa there, speedy. you gonna take it slow tonight?” leigh laughs as she sees diane down her first glass of wine as it reaches the table, the waiter not even got as she asks for another. 

she just ignores her, flashing a look at jeremy on the other side of the table as he raises his eyebrows.

she was sitting between daphne and darcy, trying to keep her busy with the crayons and kid’s menu, playing a game of tic-tac-toe with her.

“you good, di?” darcy leans over to whisper. “car ride not so good?”

“no, it was great, dr. phill. that’s for asking.” she replies with a bit too much pep, mocking her idiotic question.

“fine, fuck. she leans back. “you two are like teenagers. always got to make it complicated.”

she rolled her eyes, focusing more on the game with her daughter than anything else.

food was great, as always. came and went fast. by the time the lights had dimmed and she was on her second glass, daphne was starting to make it clear it was time for bed. “i think it’s the witching hour.” diane smiles at the rest of her group, waving a waiter over to get a box for her food. she downs the rest of her glass and looks around at her acquired family.

“why don’t you let us take her.” nathan leans forward, his arm draped around the back of darcy’s chair. “let that wine settle without worrying about the little one.” he gives her a sympathetic smile. it was his polite way of saying she was too tipsy to take care of her own daughter. which was false. she’s parented on a lot worse than a couple glasses of wine.

“yeah! i wanna spend the night with auntie darcy and uncle nate.” daphne cheers. now there was no declining. she was set on it and she really didn’t want to have to deal with a temper tantrum.

“fine.” she shakes her head. “the bag is in your car. you should still go soon, though. she’s about to pass out.” she brushes back her dark hair, kissing her forehead. 

“we’ll get the check.” darcy nods, pulling a similar move to her sister, waving the waiter down once more ot ask for the check. “well, happy birthday leigh, i hope you had fun.”

“fun? with this bunch? you guys are a fucking mess, of course i had fun.” she laughs, sitting back in her seat, grabbing her beer and taking a swig. “happy birthday to me!” she raises her glass, which they all did, repeating the same.

“let me take you home.” jeremy lightly touches her arm, and she looks up at him. with his first two buttons undone and his sweet smile and she’s a bit loose on the wine. so yes. she just nods. he could look at her and touch her like that and she’d do anything. 

“thanks.” she says, walking back to his car. she climbs in, holding onto her purse and raking her fingers through her ocean wavy hair and it smells like the sea, too. everything about her does and she doesn’t hate it.

when jeremy gets in, and they start to drive off, she watches the sunset in front of them and the car is quiet. not so stiff like before. just… a nice silence with the hum of the car and the quiet radio filling the space between them.

“you know what my favorite part about that night at the gala was?” jeremy finally speaks up, diane lifting her eyes to look up at him, giving him a hum to continue. “it was when we were mingling around with the people you worked with, and we got to this one woman, and i could tell you two hated each other. your whole body tensed and you spoke like each word was carefully thought out and i could tell you two were throwing some backhanded insults at each other. then the second she addresses me it’s like you just completely went in on her.” he laughs. “you’ve never gripped my arm so hard. i honestly thought you were going to rip out her stomach with your fingers.”

diane lets that memory come back to her. the one where she was indeed trying to rip out her stomach with her fingers. how she should come anywhere near him, especially not on her night. she left her walking with her tail between her legs and defeated, and that’s how she knew she won. but she wasn’t sure what he was meaning by all that. “why the fuck was that your favorite part? i was being a cunt.”

he nods, turning to look at her with a smirk. “yeah but i love it when you’re a cunt.” he taps his finger against the steering wheel. “i also loved that you were a cunt for me.”

she nods, looking back out the front dash, watching sun slowly dip below the horizon. "i love it when you let me be a cunt.”

“match made in heaven then, i guess.” he says casually, keeping his eyes on the road.

even though his words were simple, casual, and did not come with much affliction, she still managed to blush like an idiot, so she kept her eyes on the road. thankfully, that was all that seemed to be said and they kept driving.

minutes passed and there was a small beep in the car, she looked up to see jeremy look at his dashboard. “that’s not good.” he shakes his head, signalling to the right of the road where he eventually pulled over, stopping the car, and turning on his emergency lights.

“what, your car shit on you?” she snorts.

“seems so.” he takes the keys out, and reaches for his phone. he calls for the tow truck to come and take it away. now that the sun was setting, it was starting to get a bit more crisp outside and diane hadn’t taken that into account. with the light breeze flowing up her dress and her hair still a bit damp, she was hugging her arms close to her body as they stood on the side of the street, waiting for someone to come.

“sorry about the car.” he looks at her.

“don’t worry about it.” she shrugs. “not your fault you got a piece of shit.”

“well i’m sorry i don’t want to buy a tesla like some assholes.” 

“my tesla is saving the world and i look fucking awesome driving it. elon musk can probably hear you, too. so i’d watch it.” she looks at him from the corner of her eyes. “he’s going to be our future overlord if we like it or not.”

“that’s a very extreme opinion, coming from you.” he laughs, shoving his hands into his pocket. he keeps looking at her as she tucks her hands deeper into her arms. “you cold?”

“a bit.” but before she even finishes getting her answer out, she going back to his car to get out something from the backseat. when he returns, he just drapes a jacket around her shoulders, letting his hands linger on her arms. “there. how’s that?”

“better.” she runs her arms through the sleeves and pulls it closer against her.

“kind of a buzzkill for the evening, huh?” he smirks, twisting his torso to look at her.

“it’s alright. means i get to spend more time with you.” shrugging, she keeps her eyes on the busy street, cars getting backed up from the street lights and so forth. the tow truck was supposed to be here any minute, but she didn’t mind waiting. even then they still needed to get home.

she flashes her eyes at him to see him smile, which only makes her smile. so they stand there, back in silence— but a comfortable one at that, until the truck comes.

she sits on the curb while jeremy talks to the guy about the car, and where it’s going, who’s taking car of it, and the details for fixing it. once that’s taken care of, he comes back to where she’s sitting, clicking away on her phone. “i’m going to call an uber for us.”

“okay.” she pauses from her phone to look up at him, as he’s giving her a smile. “what?”

he just keeps smiling at her, which makes her frown. “nothing.”

“what is it?” she narrows her eyes. “if you’re smiling because for once you’re seeing me below a man, very funny.” she rolls her eyes, standing up from her spot. looking at him closely, he just scans over her face, so she does the same to him. from every little stubble of scruff to how cold his eyes can be, she’s regretting her choice form the goosebumps on her arms, just looking at him.

“i wasn’t going to say that, but now that you mention it, that’s quite amusing, too.” he gives her a toothly grin.

“asshole.” she huffs, breaking away from him to create more distance. before she can get very far, he’s pulling her back by taking hold of her hand, so she’s twisting back around to look at him, her eyebrows raising.

but he wasn’t saying anything, and all she felt was being close to him and his eyes just looking at her like this. it was all so frustrating, just being this close, having every fiber of her body screaming at her to close the distance and rip every article of clothing off that he had on. but then she asked herself why it was so frustrating. what it was she was trying to keep herself from?

every time he looked at her she didn’t want him to stop. like he was analyzing and valuing every bit of everything on her and she wanted him to scan her form head to toe and tell her just what he liked about her left cheek. and she wanted to kiss over the wrinkles of his eyes, and let his bread rub against her neck. for once she just wanted to be normal, boring diane, with a place and a daughter and nothing mattered outside that. she had her own value but she wanted someone else’s value for her.

she wanted him.

his finger running along the inside of her wrist was the last straw. stepping forward and reaching to take his face in her hands, she kissed him. not casually, not gently. it was firm and held passion and everything for the last half decade was building up to this and she wanted him to know just how much she needed him. how much she wanted him. she wasn’t lying to herself anymore. fuck darcy. fuck them all. didn’t matter if they were right or not.

after just a few moments, he pulled away. not enough time to gauge his reaction. to see if he kissed her back or not. his face held no sign of either here nor there. usually, that wasn’t a good sign. “uber’s going to be here any second.” he holds up his phone, the little car icon displaying right next to them.

“oh.” she peels herself away. her hands draping by her side. had she honestly made a fool of herself? like this was all for naught? had everything they’d done and been through just been a big game? men shouldn’t surprise her anymore. they pull the most odd, elaborate cards out of nowhere. 

the car was just around the corner, pulling up in front of them so they could both climb in the back, giving casualties to the diver. diane sat a bit uncomfortable, hands between her clasped knees. it was all sort of surreal. maybe this was why she spent so long lying to herself. because of this very thing. feeling like a loser all over again. a complete idiot who obviously can’t read a situation. but she wasn’t going to let things get weird because she didn’t get it.

“jeremy, i’m so---” she’d turned her head to look at him, but her words were cut off when he’d lunged forward, pressing his lips against her’s once again. his fingers caught in her messy beach hair. the shock of it all had her arms prying from her legs to just place wherever. taken aback completely by his actions, she didn’t hesitate to kiss back, her hand on his back to grabbing onto his shirt, the other on an arm. one of the very arms she’d thought a lot about. one of the arms that feels so great under her fingertips, and she actually considers if she might know what it’s like for him to hold her in those arms.

he pushed her back, slowly leaning down along the car seat. it was a miracle she didn’t hit her head on anything as he kisses her again, sweeter this time, much deeper. her leg pressed against the back of the seat moves, wrapping around his hip. a move that pried his hand away, landing on her thigh, slowly gliding up to push her dress back even more. a bold move on his end that she took note of. 

“hey! no sex in my car!” the uber driver yelled, causing the two to immediately peel away from each other. diane cleared her throat, jeremy wiping off his mouth.

“sorry.” she mumbles.

“wont happen again.” he nods.

“it wont?” she asks quietly, looking at him.

“well... not in his car.” he leans closer to whisper.

“oh.” she leans in to match, keeping her voice just as low. “so where can it happen again?”

he purses his lips, squinting in thought as he looks over her. “my place?” 

“i like that place.” she nods.

“cool.” he nods, look down to take hold the hem of her dress, tugging it back down. “my place it is then.”

[from-aina-to-zulaikha]

recapping 2020, the year of the pandemic

well.... who would’ve thought this year would go down DOWN like this...... i remember 31st december 2019 we went out with sonsaengnim and some korean meleis to go dinner together at 4 fingers midvalley,,, went to dataran merdeka and watch amazing drones performance.....new year concert with friends.........suddenly on 16th of march malaysia opted for lockdown cus the situation went seriously serious. covid-19, coming from china now is announced as pandemic, people lost their jobs, ‘twas hard for students but i guess everyone’s got used to it. online classes.....online exams......concerts are postponed...flights are cancelled....sigh

i remember earlier this year, it was february i think, i was out in suria klcc sitting alone at starbucks, waiting for my dad to finish his work and suddenly i got a call from embassy of the republic of korea saying i got offered for a 2-weeks scholarship where i could visit korea! i was EXCEPTIONALLY happy. like. damn. i can go to korea and explore it first. well of course i still will go to korea sooner or later but this is an experience that i didnt wanna lose! i can visit the cultural places, learn languages, meet new people, like internationally....and everything is free....it was scheduled in july this year but covid didnt allow me.... well i kinda got sad because i really wanted to experience something like that once in my life. i was so happy i got to grab the chance because, yeah, i won the korean speech contest last year so it was such a golden opportunity for me! but ngeh, sokay, i guess not my rezeki.......

then when lockdown started we had our break for 2 weeks i think, and all the workplaces, universities and schools decided to continue with the all-new online learning and meetings.... microsoft teams, zoom, google meet, everything is used worldwide. so like it was hard at first and i was one of the people who HATED ONLINE CLASSES SO FUCKING MUCH. but nasib la, online exams pun i managed to get 4 flat for semester 1 and 2....... but for semester 3.... i got 3.92. alhamdulillah!

and so..... we finally sat for our TOPIK 2 exam which was postponed twice from april, to may, and finally to july. 12 july. FINALLY. but then the 2nd topik exam also got cancelled due to the current situation. 

RESULTS DAY. i checked my result and i was SUPER SHOCKED cus i got LEVEL 5!!!!!! LEVEL FUCKING 5 BRO HOW THE HELL i mean i didnt even think that i did well in 듣기 and 쓰기 and 읽기 oh my god.... bersyukurnya. meaning i can already secure my place in any university in korea. alhamdulillah. and so i decided to apply for chemical engineering in sungkyunkwan university and mechanical engineering in hanyang university. p/s: papa gave me iphone 11 as present :))))) yippie

but then.......my plans went upside down ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ chemical engineering was my first choice but then i actually decided to accept hanyang university’s offer. HAHAHAHAHA THE MAIN REASON WHY IS....... I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP AAAAAAAA because i got level 5 in topik so i got 50% tuition fee reduction and if u calculate it i will receive approximately ~RM10K++++ holy shit bro i love money. it was a hard hard decision to make. did solat istikharah a few times.... and unexpectedly i actually dreamt about going to hanyang with syake, and ain.... (they also 고민 about this too) so that WAS the answer. hanyang university. 

at this point i actually am so happy cus i did receive 2 scholarships at the same time....plus the one that i got from embassy but was cancelled though...total of scholarships = 3...im so grateful and so so overly ecstatic that i am given so much blessings through out the year. one goes, and another comes. tak sia sia amalkan surah al-Waqiah every week. the effects are so so fast, so so rapidly appearing one by one im so overwhelmed. alhamdulillah

tmi: i actually had this one theory where i used to dream a lot at night BUT solely about skies, stars, moon, clouds, and other outer space shit.... i dreamt of a meteor crash belakang rumah, looking at the moon with my mom because there was a weird phenomenon of the moon....a lot of times...i want to say that it relates to my life and my future... because seeing how much i receive from time to time its just so amazing, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah terima kasih ya Allah

we also planned to go for umrah end of this year but then it was all plans...so,,,,, insha allah next time.

another one last magical thing that happened to me this year is.... stray kids <3 god i love stray kids so much. one of my coping mechanism. watched their online concert with myra at gisuksa. so so so happy. bought their merch hoodie. so so grateful to be a STAY. so positive, so special, so lovely. their music, top tier. i stan self-producing idols <3 stray kids will glow more and more in 2021 im speaking into reality. thank you so much stray kids for adding more and more happiness into my life <3 

honestly i never expected to become a kpop stan again.... bcs last time was in 2017??? like i just used to listen to their songs but not a hardcore fan cus i didnt even know who the members are hahahhhaa. but yea unexpectedly, impromptu, unplannedly, im now doing it again. when i saw bang christopher chan, i saw my future. ahahhaahah i cant help but stray kids are the greatest group i have ever seen. every each of them are so so precious and im so lucky to be a stay. 

this year, it was hard for us but alhamdulillah.. it’s all good now. im so happy i get to fly with my korean meleis. all of us. alhamdulillah. to more adventures and happiness in korea! february 2021, degree life here we go!

2020 RESOLUTIONS RECAP:

1. get (at least) level 5 for topik 2 in this april and october! | ACHIEVED

2. 4 flat for foundation semester 2 and 3, insha Allah i can do it. | SEM 2 ACHIEVED, SEM 3 ALHAMDULILLAH HAHHA

3. receive an offer from sungkyunkwan university seoul in chemical engineering. aamiinn!! | result skku next week so idk yet but mesti dapat, but alhamdulillah gerak hanyang lu hahahha chemical engineering celah mana tah

4. DIET. DIET. DIET. less eating, more gym! road to at least 55 kg before yuhak! | more gym, yes. lose weight, no :( i guess i have to jaga makan in korea later on

5. flawless! stop that eczema and keep going aina! you are beautiful and you will always be beautiful! | STILL ONGOING WOOHOOO i see progress

6. no crush, no boyfriend. (yet) AND never get attached to people who considers me as 2nd option. move on from dennis, for fucks sake  | dah lama move on errr. tapi huhu sedikit terluka juga lah tahun ini

7. recite Quran every day, khatam Al-Quran, amalkan surah al-Waqiah, al-Kahfi and al-Mulk. closer, closer and closer to Allah aza wa jalla and never be away from Him the Almighty. | still ongoing. insha allah constant

8. jauhkan diri dari maksiat, no zina mata, zina hati and all det zina | shuh shuh go away

9. always lowkey, always tawadhuk. | insha allah

10. focus on yourself. prioritise family. | YES SELF LOVE SELF CARE

11. give more to people, and Allah will give more to me. be grateful, and Allah will give more to me :) | YESSSSSSS DEFINITELY FACTS

12. ALWAYS help people the best way i could | insha allah

13. if things go hard, never stop. take rests but NEVER STOP. you will always succeed aina <3 im confident of that | you did great this year aina! more are coming your way and i believe you can do it

[wannawrite]

Dance Boy? Flower Boy?

Wanna One’s Park Woojin X Reader [ fem ver ] FLUFF I THINK Word count: 3786 • Woojin isn’t exactly happy on his second day of his summer job • he really would rather be at his dance studio practicing but no, he got ropes into this ridiculous job • maybe you will finally put a smile on this flower boy’s face :) omf okay anon you’re changing the game here by requesting flower boy woojin oh god i can’t picture it but at the same time i can but tysm anon, this scenario was fun to write and i lowkey can’t wait to expand my flower boy series hAHAHAH should it be? let me know ;) - admin L __________ 

Woojin glared at Daehwi, partially unamused and partially two seconds away from breaking Daehwi’s neck. He tossed the pastel coloured flyer back at the younger boy and scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Park Woojin rarely showed his temper, especially to Lee Daehwi, of all people. Hell! He had grown up with his boy and they were pretty much brothers! He hardly ever was angered by anything Daehwi had done. Woojin was shy, awkward and sometimes petty more than anything, so him flaring up over this was a huge thing. Maybe his anger rose because, as much as it hurt his pride and image, he was also disappointing Daehwi.

“Daehwi, you know I’d do anything for you, but I can’t do this,” Woojin said calmly despite his clearly angered exterior. He shut his eyes, sucking in a deep breath to tamper his outburst. Daehwi smiled sadly, folding back the flyer and tucking it back into his bag. He shrugged his shoulders and tried to look nonchalant as he said, “I-I guess it’s okay, hyung. I…I just wanted to do something interesting together this summer! B-but, I understand.” Even though he was visibly upset at Woojin’s upright rejection, he still hugged his hyung. “I’ll see you tomorrow! Don’t worry about it!” Daehwi skipped out of Brand New High School’s dance studio. He didn’t dance on the school team but he did attend classes almost every day at another studio, that’s how he got close to Woojin. Woojin ran a hand through his bird nest like hair, letting out a sigh. He began to pack up his duffle bag but Daehwi’s offer resonated in his head. Lee Daehwi, the president of English Language Drama and Debate Society, his best friend, had asked if he wanted to join him in working at the newly opened flower boy cafe for the summer. He was completely convinced that Woojin was the perfect candidate and that he would be hired. Half the male population in this damn school is applying. What makes him think I’ll get it? True, Woojin was looking for a summer job. It wasn’t like he desperately needed one but he figured he should slog a little to earn money instead of idling at home all day. But when he thought of a job, he didn’t exactly consider working at a flower boy cafe or even a coffee shop for that matter. He knew he could be shy and awkward, sometimes coming across as cold or menacing. It wasn’t a typical personality type for any job that required face-to-face human interaction. Things could escalate…pretty fast. Ugh! I’m thinking too much about this. I need to start leaving before I miss the last bus home. Woojin stuffed his water bottle into his bag, hastily changed his shirt and grabbed his bag. He locked the studio and left. It had become a regular routine for him. Staying back well after school, practicing hard for hours - on occasion, his good friends in college and Senior year like Youngmin or Donghyun would drop by and sometimes Daehwi kept him company - before being the last to leave the studio and locking up. The dance studio was like his home and he planned to spend every second of the summer dancing at Fantagio Dance Studio should he not find a job. Along with Daehwi, Youngmin and Donghyun, Ong Seongwoo, also danced there. He was a close friend during middle school but he enrolled into a different high school. He was now in the same college as Youngmin. Perhaps hyung will have an answer…..I should ask him. He always has an answer to everything. I really hate to upset Daehwi, and he knows that. Hyung will know what to do. 

“Wow! That was great! Woojin, you worked hard. I can tell you have improved,” Seongwoo commented, beaming and he dabbed a clean towel to his face. He smacked Woojin on the shoulder, nodding in approval. It was their weekly dance session. Originally, they would be taught and observed by a sunbae but Seongwoo recently started choreographing and teaching his own dance classes so he booked the studio to evaluate Woojin. He always joked that Woojin would soon be joining him on the board of choreographers and teachers. ( um he alrdy is tho ?? what am i doing with my life ) “T-thanks, hyung,” Woojin stammered, cheeks flushing pink and not solely because he had just finished an intense choreography. After he had caught his breath, he posed the question to Seongwoo. “Hyung, Lee Daehwi invited me to… work at the new flower boy cafe for the summer. Do you think I should?” Seongwoo nearly spit out his water, his large eyes went wide, mimicking a manga character. He coughed and cleared his throat. “Well, funny you should mention that. Park Jihoon asked me the same thing and, u-uh…I applied for the job?” His tone went up an octave so it came out like a question. Seongwoo laughed and bashfully scratched the back of his neck. “Yah! Just because of this doesn’t mean I’m not your favourite hyung anymore. Besides, I think it will be a good change of scenery. Sure, I’m earning a bit through teaching but I suppose I need to try something new before I get too old,” he reasoned. “Woojin-ah, it’ll be fun. Come join us. I think it’s called Our Two Lips. Like tulips but….yeah. I’m not the biggest fan of it either.” “Do you think I should apply too? Would I even qualify?” Woojin pressed, he really needed answers urgently! He began bouncing on his toes. “It’s really up to you but I think it will be a good idea. Daehwi is sure to get in so I think we should all try to hop on board his flower boy train. But it depends on you, Woojin. What do you want?” Seongwoo chuckled in reply. “You’ll make the right decision. It’s up to you.” He ruffled his dongsaeng’s hair affectionately. And that’s how Park Woojin found himself at 11.56pm applying for the job as a flower boy at Our Two Lips, four minutes ( sobs bc 4Minute ) before applications closed. He wasn’t sure if he made the right decision or not. 

You were waiting at the traffic junction to cross the road, the illuminated red man glaring back at you. It was a pleasant summer day, the sky was Atlantic blue and white fluffy clouds dotted it, reminding you of cotton candy. You were on your way to meet a couple of your friends after dancing, they wanted to try out the food at Our Two Lips - the new flower boy cafe - and at first you opposed the idea but couldn’t pass up free food. There was no doubt your friends had dressed to the nines. Of course, you had changed into a more comfortable set of a trendy shirt and shorts but your dance bag was still slung around your body, you hoped it wasn’t a fashion disaster. Even though you weren’t as interested in Our Two Lips as your friends, you were curious to discover the truth about rumours of Park Woojin, a sunbae at Fantagio Dance Studio and your crush, working there. You had been introduced to Woojin by Seongwoo, he conducted a class with just the two of you and occasionally, you’d see Woojin around the studio. He often went home late, just like you. Though the two of you were rather good pals, you figured that was all Woojin wanted the two of you to be. Woojin was made out of the most perfect boyfriend material. He was diffident yet outgoing and a ball of energy. A true sunshine in its purest form. He was a gentleman, always holding the studio doors open but slamming them on Jihoon. You found their friendship hilarious. And like him, you adored practicing late by yourself in the studio, if he could, he would offer to walk you back home and at times, buy you a smoothie on the journey. Woojin mentioned his hyung worked there so he constantly got discounts. Still, you felt bad whenever he ignored your credit card and paid, it made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside though. Seongwoo swore that the two of you would end up together by Christmas but you weren’t sure. If Woojin is more comfortable being friends then so be it. We don’t even attend the same schools, he could have found someone else. Just the mere thought of it caused your heart to crack. It was painful to imagine Woojin with someone else. It was selfish of you, you knew that but you couldn’t help the feelings bubbling inside of you. However, you knew where to draw the line. If Woojin really had somebody, you would back off. You weren’t going to risk losing a friend because of something like that. Anyway, you made it safely to Our Two Lips and joined your friends in the booth they were seated in. True enough, all of them had dressed up very well. “Oh my god! Y/N! I’m going to die! Bae Jinyoung from C9 International Academy is working here!” Your best friend, Lucy, yelled into your ear. Her face was practically comparable to her strawberry smoothie. Bomin whispered something about Sungwoon looking absolutely delicious in his flower crown and peach coloured button down. You kept your eyes peeled for Woojin, trying to spot even the slightest signs of his presence. Unfortunately or fortunately, Bae Jinyoung was managing your table. You weren’t sure if your heart was able to handle all that Woojin brought to the table. Chaesol giggled when she saw your antics. “Yah, Y/N. We get it, you’re worried about your man. Bomin saw him a few minutes ago. Those rumours were definitely true.” Lucy ‘oohed’, smiling knowingly. Everyone knew about your crush on Woojin, it was embarrassing yet you wanted the whole world to know. Just not Woojin. Anyone but him. You were halfway through your red velvet cupcake when Chaesol firmly nudged you in the ribs using her elbow. She nodded her head to her right. Finally, Park Woojin appeared. 

What did I get myself into? What have I done to deserve this? I did nothing wrong. Woojin’s head was usually filled with jumbled up and meaningless thoughts but he was dead set on this one. He officially wanted to quit this job on his second day. Why? All the customers at tables he served had asked him to do something sweet or cute which he became incredibly flustered at first but after the fifth time, he sort of numbed off and forced a smile on his face. It wasn’t who he really was. But he put on a mask and continued to work because he deserved his cheque after putting so much effort into his aegyo. Every few minutes, his flower crown would loosen and he would be forced to tie it back while running from table to table. It was just too demanding but at the same time, it was what he kind of signed up for. I should be dancing, he thought. Maybe I’ll get to see Y/N at the studio instead of these people. No offence but I think that girl is a Freshman in Brand New High School and runs that creepy ‘hottest students’ blog. He shuddered at the thought of it. I bet that dude next to her takes all the pictures. Weren’t they suspended? He was distracted and distraught. This really wasn’t his scene. In fact, he had been resting in the break room, needing fresh air, until Seongwoo shouted that Y/N had entered. Immediately, he was alert and felt energised. He nearly did a double take when he saw you seated in the booth, surrounded by your friends. You were laughing at a joke that Bomin made and Woojin thought your laugh was absolute music to his ears. Your smile lit up his own. He went about attending to the tables a bit more enthusiastically. Meanwhile, Seongwoo was busy telling all the flower boys about Woojin’s insane crush on you. Daehwi and Jihoon just stood in the corner sipping tea. Woojin wasn’t around your table for the most part but one by one, your friends started to leave and you decided to sit and wait for him. He was rather perplexed you were sitting alone and since his shift was over soon, he tore off his apron and walked over to you. “Hi.”  Woojin’s warm honey voice sent calming shivers down your spine. “Oh! Hi, Woojin. Y-you didn’t mention you would be working here,” you mused, batting your eyelashes. Woojin looked apologetic. “I’m sorry. It’s not something I want everyone to know of though,” he admitted, groaning slightly. “It really doesn’t suit me.” You giggled and leaned closer to fix his flower crown properly. His heart nearly stopped functioning. What is a normal heart rate? What is breathing properly? “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll get better at your job. It’ll be fun, especially with all your friends around you. Just promise me I’ll see you soon at the studio,” you said, offering your pinky out for him to clasp. He gladly did, beaming and showing off his charming snaggletooth. “Of course, I’ll always be back home.“ 

This occurrence happened quite frequently. ‘This’ meaning you, visiting Woojin at his job at Our Two Lips after your dance session, some visits alone and other times with a bunch of your friends. They couldn’t shut up about how many times you had been to the stupid cafe you swore off. Daehwi, Seongwoo and Jihoon teased you constantly, especially when they bumped into you at the studio. They went on and on about how Woojin had seemingly become more lively whenever you were around him. It was cute. Woojin couldn’t be the one serving your table all the time and he looked apologetic. Maybe even a little ticked off when he saw how well you were getting along with Baejin. He resembled a sad puppy, shuffling away. ( i love dogs ) However, Baejin and Sungwoon were out of sight today and he finally managed to wait on you. “Hello! I’m Woojin. What can I get for you today?” He greeted, smiling to show off his pearly whites. Today, Woojin had spent extra time clipping in faux flower petals in his hair instead of his flower crown. He wanted to try something new and different. You, for one, thought they were really pretty and unique. “I like your hair today, it’s very pretty,” you complimented, waiting for a blushing, bashful Woojin to appear. His cheeks did flush a bright pink but instead of completely melting down, he came back with a heart fluttering response. “Thank you, but nothing compares to your beauty,” he replied suavely, clasping your hand and bringing it to his lips. If you could, you would have chemically combusted right in your seat. You cleared your throat but your current heart rate wasn’t exactly cleared off the 'seizure’ line. “Ahh, look at you. Your confidence is soaring. What happened to the old Woojin?” ( o, the old woojin can’t talk right now. why? he’s dead ) Woojin fiddled with his pen and notebook, a key sign that he was getting really…shy. Or impatient. There was no in between. You quickly placed your order and he shuffled back to the kitchen, self-consciously patting his clips. Oh my god, Y/N just complimented me! I should go and check to see if my clips are in place. “Yo, Sungwoon hyung, cover for me for a second.” He raced to the break room and broke open his backpack, rushing to touch up his makeup and neaten his appearance. Woojin took a deep breath before stepping out again, refraining from clutching his heart. “Are you going to confess?” Sungwoon asked, smirking. “I think you should. Y/N has been waiting for you ever since you started. She’s a keeper. Not to mention she always has supported you in your dance.” A million thoughts ran through Woojin’s mind. Suddenly, a lightbulb ignited in his head. “Sungwoon hyung,” he started, voice dripping with honey. “Could you…help me with something?” Sungwoon grinned and crossed his arms over his chest. “You can count on me.”

You were mildly surprised and amused when Woojin literally hopped towards your table. Hopped. Okayyy, this so isn’t like the Woojin I know but this is pretty funny. Woojin set your smoothie on the table. He bounced in his place and made rabbit ears. “Y/N, has bunny Woojin hopped into your heart?” ( woOJIN SWEETIE I AM SO SORRY ) He bobbed closer, fished out a flower from his back pocket and proceeded to offer it to you. It’s like they had high-quality flowers lying around all the time. Who’s paying for these? You wondered but gratefully accepted the stalk, thanking him. Still, he didn’t leave. “Y/N, did you know that bunnies hunt? I think I’m on the hunt for your love,” he professed dramatically. This is Seongwoo….This is not Woojin. Seongwoo has possessed him. You burst out laughing and forced yourself not to cringe. “Ugh! Who taught you these?” Woojin pouted. “Yah! I thought of these. It was so hard! Am I not cute?” He whined but his voice started to waver. You smiled and patted his shoulder. “You’re like the Easter bunny, sweet but hollow on the inside. Woojin is cute but, but not as much when you’re like this. I’m not saying I totally hate it though. The first one was good,” you confessed, hoping he wasn’t hurt. “Thanks for the flower anyways. It’s almost as gorgeous as you.” He nodded sheepishly and backed away when Jinyoung called for him. You sighed and rubbed your temples. No wonder he hates his job, but his aegyo isn’t terrible. I bet Daehwi has been teaching him a few tricks. Should I save him as flower boy on my phone now? 

“Hyung, full offence but your idea was terrible,” Woojin blurted out flatly, face hot. “She hated it!” Seongwoo raised a perfectly plucked brow. “I only suggested it. It’s on you that you went with my suggestion,” he retorted, pointing out the obvious and smiled smugly when Woojin had no reply. “Woah! Calm down, there’s still a ton of other things you could do! Don’t give up yet, hyung,” Daehwi encouraged. He shoved a bunch of things that Woojin was unfamiliar with into his arms. “Wha-what?” “Just go!” Woojin stared at the strange items. He had no clue what to do with those. Is this a pink bow hairband? And silly string? What does Daehwi even carry to work? He was confused and slumped in defeat. I’ll just need to accept the fact that Y/N is the sunshine in my life. She gives me warmth and makes me happy but she’s too distant and hot to touch. Sungwoon found him sulking in the break room - there weren’t many people at this hour - and joined him. He rubbed his back affectionately. “Yah, why are you like this? Don’t be demoralised.” Woojin squeezed his eyes shut, leaning his head on the headrest of the sofa. “I don’t know. Nothing’s working out for me. What am I going to do?” “Well, I know you appreciate all the ideas and help we’re giving but maybe….maybe you need to strip that off. Just go to her like the Woojin she knows and loves. You have to be yourself,” Sungwoon advised. He hoped that his hypothesis would work. “B-but how? How can I do that? I’m so awkward and shy. I’m not good at aegyo or anything of that sort,” Woojin groaned. He looked like he wanted to pull his hair out. Sungwoon hummed. “I’m sure you will figure it out. I can help you with one component. Just tell me what Y/N’s favourite dessert is.” That was a no-brainer for Woojin, he knew the answer immediately. Sungwoon nodded as he stood up. “Got it. I think you know what to do too." 

You were tucked in your chair, head buried in your novel you needed to study for literature over the summer. The cafe was quiet and cozy, just the way you wanted it to be. An envelope fell on your table, but whoever delivered it walked away before you could see who it was. Puzzled, you peeled it open. Dear Y/N, hello. it’s me. park woojin. I wanted to thank you for being an amazing friend, always staying by me when I’m dancing late at the studio and now, even visiting me at work and supporting me. It’s crazy how far you’re willing to go for your friends. I suppose you deserve to know a few things. If not, it’d be unfair to both of us. I just want to say that I like you. Like, I genuinely like you. As more than a friend. I don’t mind if you don’t feel the same way but I want us to still be friends. If you do feel the same way, put the letter down and look on your table. With your heart about to thud out of your chest and butterflies erupting in your stomach, you complied and set the letter on the table. You gasped at what was placed on it. It was your favourite dessert that Woojin always bought for you when you walked past that cafe. It wasn’t even on the menu here. You could feel tears brimming your eyes, you were touched beyond belief. Next to the dessert, a cursive 'be mine?’ was written in chocolate sauce. You clasped your hands over your mouth. It’s happening! It’s really happening! Woojin settled in the seat in front of you, his gaze locked with your own. "So,” he started, confidence surprisingly coming off strongly in his tone “I guess you now know. Y/N, will you date me?” “YES!” you squeaked, earning a few curious stares. You pretty much threw yourself on him, crushing him in a bear hug. Woojin only laughed and kissed the top of your head. “Who knew you were such a big romantic?” You teased but your voice was muffled by his chest. “Who knew you would fall for a hopeless romantic?” Woojin retorted, raising his eyebrows. “Are you serious? You like me?” In reply, you pecked him on the cheek and nodded. “Yes. For like a long time now.” “I hope you’re my girlfriend for a long time.” Discreetly, in the kitchen, upon hearing the excited shrieks, Sungwoon reached over and high-fived Jisung. “We make a good team, bro.” “Bro, your hands are so nice.” “Bro….” ( HwAT IS THIS ENDING BUT 2SUNG IS SO CUTE )

[belgianjournalists]

slight update on my life, for anyone who is wondering. I put it under a read more bc it got a bit longer than expected.

RANDOM STUFF

I’ve applied to Holgerspexet! idk what it’s called in other countries, but spex basically is an interactive play/musical, usually created and performed by university students. I didn’t get into the manuscript group, but I’ve applied to three other groups and I really hope to get into the decor/props and scenery flat group!

I don’t really know what else is going on in my free time tbh. Oh yeah, I started listening to cello pieces again and when I well get my hands on one and have practiced a bit, I’d really love to learn Schubert’s Serenade (Ständchen). That shit is good.

JOB STUFF

I did that programming test a week ago and I did not get the job (which I honestly anticipated bc hoo boy that test was too difficult for me lmao). The dude that sent the mail/is responsible for their development department was really nice tho and told me to feel free to apply for jobs with them in the future, when I’ve gotten better at programming. I threw back that he’d be free to contact me if they ever opened up positions that are more UX rather than programming LMAO

Both interviews that I went to on friday went well, but I always think that just because I don’t have any problems talking with them haha. I did slip up a bit tho but.... I mean, she sent me a test and a consultant CV to fill in so obviously she liked me to some extent?? I don’t really know where I have them atm but I guess I’ll know during the week. I did ask her about the consultant CV in a mail (among other info) but she didn’t answer that :) why do adults keep doing this. anyway I liked their office culture (they have fika breaks together every day at 10 and 15) and they have courses and stuff that you can take just for fun if you’d want to. They’re also pretty big so the possibilities to do varied assignments is big! I value that a lot atm bc I just Don’t Know What I Want To Do With My Life so I wanna try out different stuff

the other interview on friday went great. But he was a lot more chill (as in, not a pure HR person) and it’s a much smaller company so idk. We hit it off pretty good and I think person-wise It’d be a nice workplace but I literally did not understand a word he said when he explained what they did lmfao. I did like my summer job tho (information visualisation) and I would more or less do the same thing here, so I think it’d be a good first job anyway. The only drawback is that I probably won’t be able to do that many other assignments other than programming. He said he’d send out a test this week, so we’ll see what kind it is, how well I do on it and how much time this entire process will take haha ALSO he himself said it was a bit unclear if this would be a full time job or not and I just ???? how can u not know tho lmao (granted this entire situation was very spontaneous, but still)

I went on an interview last monday and he said he’d call me in 2 weeks, so they still have until friday I guess? I really loved their office and the smol part of their team that I saw (apparently the majority had left by 4pm LMAO Big Mood on mondays).

My friend put up a link in our cogsci group that her work place is looking for people and I am 100% that she expects me to apply LMAO We’ve talked about it before. I will definitely take a look at it and I will apply, I just gotta rewrite my CV a bit and come up with a neat cover letter orz

Honestly at this point in time I’d take whichever one of these. As my first job I’d mostly like to just.... have nice people around me. I can deal with not super fun assignments for a year as long as I can joke around with the ppl around me lmao. Mostly I hope that even one of these ppl will offer me a job bc I’ll be so sad otherwise. I know there are many fish out there but it’s... it does tear a man to fail over and over again lol. I haven’t even been on 10 interviews yet but these processes take up SO MUCH TIME.....

that’s it for now, stay tuned. I’m gonna buy so much shit when I get paid (not at once but I have A Materialism List)

[all-dead-rock-show]

I Think You’re My Best Friend

Summary: Dan and Phil get matching tattoos.

Genre: fluff, reality

Warnings: mentions of needles (bc tattoos) and pain mention (i guess?)

Word Count: 1.7k

a/n: i started this fic like a month ago but i haven’t had any inspiration to finish it.... until now! yeah i’ve had a week off school due to hurricane harvey and flooding (stay safe fellow texans) so i was like “i’ll finish this fic” and i did! i hope i got the process of getting a tattoo right. i’ve never had one, but i researched it so i hope what i found was right. it took me ages to figure out what i wanted the tattoo to be, so i hope this isn’t too cheesy or cringy ^-^ title taken from the song “The Kids Aren’t Alright” by Fall Out Boy (such a dnp song. go give it a listen). also does this count as a songfic? idk. 

~~~

"We should get matching tattoos."

Phil choked on his drink. Very slowly, he looked up to meet his boyfriend's eyes. He cleared his throat.

"What?" Phil rasped out. Dan smirked.

"I said we should get matching tattoos." Dan said smoothly as he leaned back in his chair. Phil shook his head.

"I don't understand." He said slowly. "Why—why do you think we should get matching tattoos?"

Dan rolled his eyes and laughed. "Come on Phil, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Sense of adventure? Come on Dan, it's a tattoo. Do you understand what that means? It's permanent. On your boy. Etched into your skin with pain."

Dan rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, I know how tattoos work."

Phil stared at him blankly. "Then why do you want one?"

"I don't want one. I want a matching one with you."

Phil's left eye twitched. "Are you serious?"

Dan nodded. Phil sighed.

"Dan you know how I feel about things like that. Remember the punk edits video? The pastel video? Those tattoos drove me insane, and they were only temporary!"

Dan nodded again. "Yeah I know. But that was because they were all along your arms and neck."

Phil eyed Dan. "Well, then where were you thinking of getting them?"

Dan's smirk got even wider. "Here." He pulled his shirt collar back to show his left collarbone. "Something small, not big and all over like the sleeves from the punk edits video. You could handle that, right?"

Phil still felt apprehensive about it. "Something small, without a lot of colour. I could do that."

Dan's smirk turned into a full on smile. "So, it's a yes then? You're agreeing on the tattoo?"

Phil sighed and closed his eyes. "How bad does it hurt? Do you have a idea in mind?"

Dan shook his head. "I wanted to come up with one with you, if you agreed, of course. I was thinking maybe a quote or just something that represents us. Maybe around the collarbone? Don’t worry, I looked up the pain for that location, and it hurts a bit, since it's a more bony area, but it could be worse. Probably nothing I've never felt before." Dan winked. Phil snorted and rubbed his hands across his face. He still felt a little weary about the idea.

"Why do you even want to get matching tattoos?"

Dan's smile never dropped. "I thought you'd never ask." Dan stretched his arms across the table they were seated at. They had decided that they would go out for a nice meal tonight. They need a little break from pizza and takeaway.

Dan moved Phil's hands from his face and gripped them together as he rested his arms on the table. His smile turned soft.

"Phil, we've stuck with each other for eight years, almost nine. We've accomplished so much together. A radio show, wrote two books, went on tour and performed a stage show… God. Phil, I love you so much. I'm not leaving you and I'm pretty sure you're not going anywhere either. I know we don't need something physical to show our love like a tattoo, and it's completely out of character for us, but I think it would be fun! And it doesn't have to be something that shows that we're, you know, in love, so our subscribers can see it, cause I'm pretty sure I'd wanna show of my tat if I got one. But we don't have to if you don't want one, we don't have to get one. It's up to you." Dan kept eye contact with Phil the whole time he performed his speech. Phil felt his eyes widen and he swallowed to keep tears from forming in his eyes at Dan's powerful words.

"So?" Dan questioned in a quiet voice. Phil looked at his plate, and sighed out a small chuckle.

"I can't believe it, but you, Dan Howell, just talked me into getting a matching tattoo with you."

Dan's smile was infectious as he squeezed Phil's hands.

"Alright then. It's settled. We are getting matching tattoos."

___

Phil clenched his fists, squeezing the plush arm of the chair he was sitting in. He opened his eyes to see Dan's beautiful face hovering over his shoulder, smiling encouragingly down at him.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt that bad?" Phil asked, looking up at his boyfriend.

"I'm sure. You'll be fine, Phil trust me."

"But you have a high pain tolerance, remember your DNA test?"

Dan laughed. "That's true, but don't worry, you'll be alright."

Phil sighed and closed his eyes again. "God, I hope so."

Dan rubbed Phil's right shoulder comfortingly. The man who had done Dan's tattoo came over to where they were seated and sat in the chair in front of Phil.

"Okay, so they same thing as your friend?" He asked in a soothing voice. Phil nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Same colour? Same font, size, place?"

"Same everything." Dan said as he squeezed Phil's shoulder.

"Alright, easy enough for me."

The man rolled his chair over to Phil's left side. "Okay, you're gonna need to take your shirt off, if you're comfortable with that." Phil nodded, Dan took his off so Phil decided to as well.

Dan took Phil's shirt and laid it across his shoulder. Phil wanted to fold his arms across his chest self consciously but he refrained from doing so. They would just get in the way of where the tattoo would be going.

The man started to prepare Phil's skin for the tattoo, cleaning his left side with rubbing alcohol. He then shave a bit of chest hair that was invading the area of where he was being inked. The stencil had already been made so the man (“you can call me Jim,” he had said before he brought Dan and Phil back to where they would be tattooed), used a soapy water solution to dampen Phil’s skin, and transferred the stencil of the design onto his left collarbone.

While preparing Phil for the tattoo, Jim explained what he was doing and what purpose it had in the tattooing process. Phil had already heard this from earlier when Dan was tattooed, but he still listened intently.

“Alright, it’s time for the first line.”

Phil sucked in a breath. He could do this, he could do this, he could do this. Dan squeezed Phil’s shoulder again, and then slipped his free hand into Phil’s. “You got this, Phil. I love you.” Dan whispered and Phil felt himself relax. As long as Dan was there, everything would be fine.

“You ready?” Jim asked after getting his machinery ready to apply the tattoo.

“Yep,” Phil said confidently. He was ready.

“Okay, just relax and breath. I have a stress ball here if you’d like to squeeze that,” Jim nodded over to his table that had all his supplies on it, including the red stress ball he was talking about.

Phil shook his head. “It’s alright.” And it was. He had Dan’s hand to crush once the actual process began.

“Okay, I’m going to start in 3… 2… 1…”

Phil felt the needle pierce his skin and tried his hardest not to flinch. He squeezed Dan’s hand, and Dan winced, not expecting Phil’s grip to be that strong.

“Ow, okay, Phil just relax, you gotta relax. You’re too tense.” Dan said, his empty hand rubbing Phil’s shoulder. Phil did his best to listen to his boyfriend.

Soon, the initial shock of pain subsided to a dull one, and Phil felt himself relax a bit. “There you go,” Dan whispered. “You doing so well, good job.”

Finally, after the linework, shading, and colouring, the tattoo was finished. Jim cleaned up the tattoo and applied a hot towel around the area. “Alright, you boys are good to go. Just remember to clean it and take care of it properly and nothing bad will happen. You can pay at the front desk.”

Dan and Phil said their thank you’s, paid their tips, and went to the front desk to pay. Once they paid, they called a taxi and made their way home.

___

Dan and Phil stared at each other’s tattoos in awe. Phil couldn’t believe that he had a tattoo. And Dan has the exact same one.

“You don’t regret it, do you?” Dan asked softly, his eyes moving from Phil’s tattoo to his eyes.

Phil smiled softly. “No, I don’t. Do you?”

Dan laughed quietly. “Of course not.”

Phil brought his hand up to ghost over the letters permanently imbedded in his skin, then up onto Dan’s, tracing the same pattern of Dan’s tattoo. He traced over the slightly curled font, black and bold.

“‘I’ll do it all again/I think you’re my best friend.’” Phil read, a little smile on his face. “God, it’s so cheesy, but perfect.” Dan nodded.

“It was a good choice.”

“Perfect for us.”

“Yes,” Dan whispered. He leaned forward and kissed Phil’s nose. Phil giggled.

“Because we’ll always be best friends, no matter what.” Phil said with his eyes closed.

“Definitely. God bless Fall Out Boy.”

Phil laughed as he pulled Dan close and they both fell back onto the pillows of their bed.

“Oh yes. Now we gotta see how our followers react…”

Dan lifted his head and kissed Phil’s lips lightly. “They’ll love it, probably more than we do.”

Phil nodded and yawned, pulling Dan closer to him as he buried his head in Dan’s hair. “Thank you.”

“What for?” Dan mumbled, his voice heavy with upcoming sleep.

“For convincing me to do this. I’m glad you’re irresistible.”

Dan chuckled and shook his head in Phil’s chest. “I am irresistible, aren’t I? But, I’m glad you agreed. This was fun.” Phil opened his mouth to agree, but a yawn overtook him. “How’s about we go to sleep?” Dan suggested when he felt the yawn. Phil just nodded, sleep finally taking over. “Goodnight Dan.”

Dan smiled and traced the fresh ink in Phil’s chest. “Goodnight Phil.”

And the last thing Phil felt before sleep took over was Dan’s lips brushing over Phil’s chest, and he fell asleep like that, a smile playing on his lips.  

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[elizabethrobertajones]

IDK, the AU speculation this year is more fun than last year when everyone freaked bc they seriously thought that Mary would be Cas' love interest bc of one joke at SDCC

Heh, well I was never worried about that, so that wasn’t a big deal to me last summer either :P

I mean the AU thing is just so big and open to being anything that I don’t wanna get involved because more than any other hiatus I just don’t see the point in speculating forwards right now because they can literally do anything. And I have fairly staightforward boring ideas about what happens with Cas and Jack and Mary etc that I’m not too interested in writing reams about them because I’d rather season 13 pleasantly surprise me or give me more to react to. If we start getting set spoilers mocking up a beach episode or whatever, I’ll have something to dig my teeth into. But the AU we saw served a backwards purpose into the story to absolve Mary and reassure Sam and Dean that forgiving her was good, with a decent amount of tension and danger for being there to make it nerve-wracking for them to be there/for Mary to get stuck there. (Although, she and Lucifer could get stuck on the beach episode together and it would be a terrifying ending :P) so anyway I have nothing to think about there, thematically. And after that, guessing details and mechanics of the AU is just too specific for me and the kind of meta I like writing or the speculation that interests me. 

Season 10 hiatus, was really fun speculating about demon!Dean because we got to rip apart Dean Winchester as a character, and the dedicated Dean girls got a pretty good read on demon!Dean that worked before we ever saw him, so season 10 was good to read. 

Season 11 hiatus we had some good thematic speculation on what the Darkness might be, and the jokes about Act 2 from 10x05 actually helped a lot pinning down how it related to Dean, some people even going so far as to “not that it would ever happen,  but Mary” while discussing what the Darkness meant for him

Season 12 hiatus everyone immediately analysed the BMoL exactly accurately, although got way too into Toni who unfortunately did not live up to expectations but talking about her did thematically set things up, and of course the analysis of Mary was pretty accurate about what she brought to the table and everyone making fervent wishlists about how they’d use her got everything ticked off that they wanted to see, down to minute detail, for those of us who were excited specifically about the un-fridging and relating her thematically to Amara

Season 13 hiatus? I feel like my soul has been set to rest on every plot point except Sam vs Jack, which I’m really excited for, but I also already said my entire bit on it in the first week so now I’m just rewatching the show and screaming about how season 12 did such an interesting job re-imagining and re-applying everything since 1x01 in pretty alarming depth, and I feel like the only way to be ready for season 13 is to look backwards at all the earlier seasons to really really understand what they’re doing, how they read the show, how they’ve re-used this that and the other, what seems to interest them in what elements they’re choosing to re-hash in a new light. 

I don’t care about saying “they’re gonna go to all these AUs with this that and the other” or wondering what different characters would be like. I mean I might do it casually for fun here and there, but to me this is actually the most boring hiatus for speculation I’ve ever had, mostly because I’m utterly jaded on being wrong and by this point know the limits of what we can actually predict except for a few mad geniuses who’ll come out of the woodwork with a shitpost they made in April that randomly has the entire plot of season 13 in it if you squint, but we can’t KNOW they’ve done that yet. 

Idk, I just don’t enjoy wild mass guessing type speculation any more with this show, and if you’re having fun this hiatus doing it, that’s great, but it’s not for me :P I am right where I want to be, smushing my face directly into Kripke era and hoping I’m smushing it in the same places Dabb is right now >.>