#i wanna also work on something i was hoping to create as a project later but !! idk djnfndnd

[elegyofthemoon]

SCREAMS

[jujumin-translates]

★ Main Story | Act 13 - Budding Spring | Chapter 10 - Forced to the Starting Gate

Itaru: (I think it’s about time to head out… ah, right.)

Itaru: (Now that I’ve got a rough idea of our performance schedule, I’d better apply for paid leave before I forget.)

Boss: Chigasaki-kun, may I borrow you for fifteen minutes?

Itaru: --Of course.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Boss: It appears you’re all here.

Itaru: (Looks like there’s a few of my colleagues… and a handful of younger guys too.)

Boss: I called you all here to ask if you’d be interested in participating in an urban development project that our company is currently working on.

Boss: The project itself is already in its final stages, so what we’d like from you is to provide support in the form of an induction course.

Itaru: (So this is that large-scale overseas urban development project. The one about creating a theater establishment and developing the surrounding area to be a center of arts and culture…)

Itaru: (I checked out the outline since it was related to theater and sounded interesting.)

Boss: It’s not mandatory, of course. It would just be something to do alongside your current jobs.

Boss: That said… there is a reason you all were chosen specifically.

Boss: As individuals who are important to the company’s future, I truly hope you consider becoming core members of this next project.

Itaru: (Eight racehorses competing in the promotion race line up at the gate. Favored to win is Communication Skills Demon, but My Parents Are Absolutely Loaded is also attracting quite a lot of attention.)

Coworker A: I’ll do my best to meet your expectations.

Coworker B: I’ve been interested in this project for quite some time now, so I’m honored to be part of it!

Itaru: (The gate has opened and both of the favored horses have taken off running.)

Coworker C: Considering the state of my current workload, I should be able to participate in the induction course.

Itaru: I… sorry, can I have a little more time to think about it?

Itaru: (If it weren’t for the timing, I probably would’ve been all in, but…)

Itaru: (Honestly, I’m so busy with the troupe and the Fleur Award right now that I just don’t have time to think about anything else.)

Boss: …Ah, because you have your own theater company to worry about, right, Chigasaki-kun? Please do consider it based on your schedule with that in mind.

Boss: However, the theme of this urban development project is the arts, which is why the other team members were really hoping to work with you, Chigasaki-kun.

Coworker A: …

Itaru: I thank them for considering me.

Boss: I’ll set up another opportunity at a later date to explain more on what the induction course entails and to introduce the project’s team members. I hope to see you there.

Itaru: I will seriously consider it.

*Door closes*

Itaru: …

Coworker B: He seriously can’t just say he’ll consider it and then refuse.

Coworker C: Must be nice being in a position where you can just quit the company if worse comes to worst.

Coworker A: Well, it is a popular theater company, and the fact that it’s generally well-known definitely doesn’t make it any easier for the company to deal with him.

Itaru: …

Itaru: (If you’re gonna say it, at least do it behind my back.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Chikage: I’m so sorry, but my hands are full at the moment.

Company Employee A: I see. I apologize for dropping it on you so suddenly.

Chikage: Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with.

Itaru: …

Itaru: Wanna head somewhere a little nicer, Senpai?

Chikage: …I don’t even want to try and guess where that might be, but go on.

Itaru: The hell is that supposed to mean?

Chikage: Haah, I suppose I can’t say no. I’ll go with you.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Punching SFX*

Itaru: Start by cheesing it and then follow that up with a double finishing move and K.O.! Man, is there any greater high than this?

Chikage: If you’re going to try and hide the way you actually feel, do it a little better.

Itaru: …Ughh, this is so stupid. Why can’t it just be the people who actually wanna be part of the promotion race at the starting gate?

Itaru: I mean, they should dip if they don’t wanna do it. Directing hate at me isn’t gonna go anything.

Itaru: There’s supposed to be a fine line between noobs like them and a mid-tierer like me. Why is it that the more of a mid-ranker you are, the less human rights you get?

Chikage: There aren’t really that many mid-level people to begin with.

Itaru: The company knows what to expect from the “Elite Chigasaki-san”. That’s why they’re hiring guys fresh out of college to steadily raise them into the perfect corporate slaves.

Itaru: I get why my colleagues are so desperate to advance their careers by using their outer appearances and mild manners to do so.

Itaru: From their point of view, it’s gotta be infuriating to see a guy who acts so carelessly while chasing after both theater and a career.

Itaru: And hit ‘em with a triple combo finisher-- But I’m just trying to figure out where I stand, so just eff off.

Itaru: Must be nice for you, Senpai. You go overseas a lot and get to level up your career stats in the least complicated way possible.

Itaru: And the things people say about you aren’t nearly as harsh, either.

Itaru: Me, on the other hand, I’m just stuck being the “can-do guy” who does a little better than decent work around the office.

Itaru: At the end of the day, I’m just a mediocre handyman at best.

Itaru: Even if I’m not being treated like the favorite, I still don’t slack off with my work. I may not be the most motivated, but I’d like to think I’m still doing everything I’m supposed to.

Chikage: You sure move your mouth and your hands a lot.

Itaru: What am I even trying to do in the first place?

Itaru: Should I sell my soul and become a corporate slave like you, and aim so high that no one can ever possibly complain about me not being good enough, or should I try and attain a rank that’s purely “Itaru Chigasaki”?

Chikage: Dad jokes and pro-level dodging techniques, huh? (1)

Chikage: Anyway, shouldn’t your first step be thinking about what you want for yourself?

Itaru: What I want… Well, I guess just to maintain the status quo so I don’t have to deal with everyone’s complaints about me… No, actually, maybe I want to speedrun my way to early retirement with passive income…?

Chikage: Then stop spending money on pulls and start investing.

Itaru: Absolutely not.

Itaru: …I originally chose this job based on the benefits and was lucky enough just to get in, so it’s not like I have any real desire to climb the corporate ladder.

Itaru: Most of the troupe have more than one thing on their hand, but they all have dreams and love what they do.

Itaru: And then there’s me who’s job is just a source of income. I feel like I really don’t have a whole lot to bring back to the troupe.

Itaru: It’s an important time for Spring Troupe to compete, and here I am getting caught up in a promotion race while all my coworkers talk behind my back.

Chikage: So you’re in a position where your hobby is more useful to the troupe.

Itaru: Exactly. To be honest, I wonder if there’s even any point in me continuing to be an office worker, but I don’t have the backbone or the self-confidence to just quit and do theater as my full-time job.

Itaru: Basically, I just wanna have something to fall back on.

Itaru: Ugh~, who would’ve thought I’d still be having these kinds of student problems even now… You ever think about this kinda stuff, Senpai?

Chikage: Well… there’s a variety of upsides to my job.

Itaru: A variety?

Chikage: A variety.

Itaru: Oh, okay. By all means, don’t elaborate or anything.

Chikage: No matter where you are, there are always two sides to things. There’s the side where you’re appreciated and the side where you’re disrespected. It’s not just you.

Chikage: The same goes for me, just with a different set of people. I guess I’m just glad to even be able to do theater activities in the first place.

Itaru: But if we’re actually nominated for the Fleur Award this time around, I doubt the company’s gonna be too eager to accommodate for that.

Chikage: Well, the company does have a performance-based evaluation system. If you can’t contribute to improving the company’s image, you’ll be told you need to be giving your work your undivided attention.

Chikage: At any rate, that doesn’t change the fact that we need the results of our next performance to be good too.

Itaru: I guess you’re ri… Hell yeah, I win! Haaah, I feel better now.

Itaru: Oh, right, didn’t you get asked to do something annoying too, Senpai?

Chikage: Ah… I was asked to accompany a client on an overseas business trip as an interpreter, but I had to decline because I just don’t have the time for that right now.

Itaru: Guess even cheaters like you have it hard sometimes. But y’know, I’m sure there’s tons of people who would kill to have the opportunity to do some sightseeing while all you have to do is be an interpreter.

Chikage: Well, it’s not to a country that I particularly want to go to.

Itaru: But you know the language, don’t you?

Chikage: I guess.

Itaru: Yeah, okay, we get it, you’re cheater.

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

• • •

T/N:

(1) Itaru says “役職 『茅ヶ崎至』 に至る” (yakushoku “chigasaki itaru” ni itaru), literally “Attain the position of “Itaru Chigasaki”. The joke is that the verb “to attain” (至る; itaru) and Itaru’s name are the same kanji and have the same pronunciation, hence why Chikage mentions dad jokes.

[spicypepperflakesss]

૮꒰ “ . . ꒱ა

{Referencing this post: https://www.tumblr.com/muriels-brainrot/755439602787139584/how-do-you-cope-with-the-fandom-being-so?source=share }

Forgive me if I'm intruding but I recently came across some very helpful advice which I think is quite insightful.

To set the scene, before I found this advice, I myself was struggling with staying consistent with art. This time however, I had decided that no I won't keep procrastinating. SO, in my attempt to find resources, I stumbled onto this video. Now suddenly it all began to make sense. The reason I was struggling was not because i'm lazy and horrible and lacking motivation. Rather it was because I had outcome related goals. TLDR: I was focused on the outcome (wow rlly iri we didn't know that's what outcome related goals meant pfft-)

Anyways so, instead of focusing on the process, I was instead focusing on the end product aka the finished drawing. Ofc I'm a beginner so I wouldn't look like I wanted to. Not bad but it wouldn't be what I wanted so i'd get frustrated and eventually give up on drawing . . . before inevitably returning with my tail between my legs cause I still rlly want to get better.

Honestly, it's natural and normal for these feeling to occur, because like you said we pour so much time and dedication. Not to mention heart and soul to make these creative projects that it feels almost personal when it doesn't get engagement. But if there is something i'd like for you to know, it's that it rlly helps if you take enjoyment in the process. Draw inspiration from odd places and craft scenarios.

Don't write for others, or the cliche of writing for yourself but rather think of it as you sharing your brainrot with ur future self haha. Write stuff that you'd wanna read yourself! (then come back to read it like a crazy person at the dead of night . . . wait, don't tell me that just me-)

Just . . . let your brain do its thing! Let your brain create instead of letting the ideas and projects fester in your head. Keep growing your skill because you never know, these might be the very thing that comes in handy later on in life. Think of singers like Sabrina carpenter who was niche (I mean to say not worldwide popular yknow, but u get my point) for a long time. However, if you look at her now that she's gone viral, it's the hard work during the years she spent creating with most of the world with their backs to her that is the sole reason she continues to be so well known for her . . . well, everything! (For example: She is extremely comfortable on stage while performing and looks like she's in her element even with thousands of eyes on her . . . it's cause she's been performing for almost 10 years I think.)

So, to both anon and anyone else reading this, pls keep creating stuff. Especially passion projects. Even if you feel like you're screaming into a void. You'll only get better IF you continue. Also, you never know maybe there is someone out there that really enjoys your work. Even if it's one person, that still someone out there that keeps coming back just for your work. This silly tangent I went on, won't completely get rid of all the thoughts and feelings . . . but it's a start. Hope this helps . . .

(Example: I always find myself coming back to this artwork by @cinsilly cause Asra's expression here is so funny. No not once a week but every few days oops- )

Oh my god thank you!! I'll post my thoughts in the comments. But it was honestly v cool of you to share this, the only thing that keeps me together in any fandom is knowing we're not alone in feeling this way :'> !!!

[uh-niran-really]

Just want to say, you made me cry with the angst fanfic with the pregnancy and reader dying, I just today lost a dear friend of mine of 7 years because of certain circumstances and just needed something to help me cope and this definitely did the trick but if you haven’t could you maybe write a part two with a happy ending/ scenerio ( maybe the reader didn’t die but was definitely severely injured. I wanna know what happens with there life, does the baby come out looking like Niran does he get to experience<3 whatever you feel. If you don’t mind.)

Hi Anon! Firstly I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Loss is one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. I hope you’re coping okay and that you have a good support system around you. I’m glad the AU could help you in someway and I’m so sorry it made you cry, but hopefully it was more of a release for you.

I intended to keep it as a stand-alone but I felt inspired by your ask so I decided to write something for you. I hope this gives you some closure and good feelings. I’m always around if you ever wanted to talk about anything, or even if you wanted to request something else. <3

Secondly, thank you for being my first request. It’s been such a pleasure writing for you. I wrote this pretty quickly so I apologise if it has any spelling mistakes, ect ect! (I can fix those later!) I hope you enjoy it!

It had been a year since he lost you, the tragic day still playing over and over in his mind. He had gotten a bit of closure since then. Satya was to thank for that. She had actually ran to find Dr Ziegler to tell her about the baby, when Niran broke the news to her. Thanks to Satya, Niran got to meet his child. A child he loved with all his heart, just like he had loved you.

“Aww baby girl don’t cry. Come to daddy.” Niran scooped his. crying toddler out of her cot and rocked her gently cooing. Niran was an amazing father, just like you had always known. He was loving, compassionate and protective. “Daddy loves you Blossom!”

This past year had been hard for him to process. So much pain and hurt, but also joy as he got to care for the child he created with you. Blossom was a sweet child with gorgeous eyes that reminded Niran of yours. She very much looked like him, although Niran would always tell others she looked just like you. She was his pride and joy. His reason for not surrendering himself into madness and grief, although, no one would blame him if he did. He was a good father, anyone could see that.

Blossom was a little overtired this morning, causing her to cry out for her dad. She loved his attention and felt safe with him. He was her light.

“Shhh.. it’s alright my love, you’re just a bit sleepy hmm?” He spoke softly as he continued to rock her to sleep. “Fear not my little princess, nothing will harm you so long as I live.” She was everything to him. After that tragic day, Niran swore to protect his daughter with everything he had.

Soon she settled down, allowing Niran to continue working on his project. He was so close to being able to distribute his Biolight to those in need. He worked tirelessly to ensure his creation could be used by all, free of charge. He thought of you and the way you would bring him tea to his lab, and rub his shoulders when he was feeling tense. He missed having you around so much. He was working so hard for you.

“Niran?” Satya called out. She often came by to check on him and Blossom. She was his rock through it all.

“Oh.. Hi Satya.” He smiled a little and offered her a seat.

“How are you today?” She was concerned for her friend but knew how far he had come.

“I’m… me.” He shrugged. “Life won’t ever be the same without Y/N. But you knew that.” He offered her a warm smile. He appreciated his friend.

Satya nodded her head to show she understood what he was saying. Satya had always liked you. She was curious as to what kind of person didn’t find Niran annoying. She often enjoyed talking with you about common interests and sharing embarrassing stories about Niran from their academy days. Today Satya came to him with something important.

“Niran. I have some news.” Satya spoke softly. She was always careful around Niran now, always choosing her words carefully in fear of upsetting him, especially when it comes to the topic of you. Niran’s eyes shifted over to Blossoms cot, checking on her.

“It’s about… Y/N.” Niran tensed upon hearing your name. Your name was so beautiful, so lovely, so… forbidden.

“Satya..” He started before his childhood friend cut him off.

“I need you to come with me today. You can bring Blossom or I can have someone watch her.” She was being vague, but not intentionally. Niran knew Satya liked go be meticulous with details, so he figured there was more to this she couldn’t say.

“Hmm.’ He hummed, feeling drained. “If I must.”

———————————🪷———————————

Niran had changed Blossom into a pretty yellow summer dress with pink flowers on it, one of his favourites. It made him happy to see her all dressed up and ready for the day. He and Satya had gone shopping for new dresses recently, and my did she have so many. It kept his mind off the pain, when he saw his daughter so happy.

Satya was waiting for her friend so she could take him somewhere. He was curious but also apprehensive.

“What does this have to do with Y/N, Satya?”

“You’ll find out soon Niran.” She blinked at him like he was stupid, because to her, he kind of was. He asked too many questions and it annoyed her. She understood his pain though, better than anyone could have.

Satya created a teleportation portal and encouraged Niran to take a step through, once again ensuring to him it was safe for the baby, like always. Niran stepped through appearing in a lab. The walls were white with blue accents, and grey furnishings. The place looked busy yet had a serene calmness to it. He was in Dr Ziegler’s lab, on base.

“Niran! You made it!” Dr Ziegler called, rushing over to great both him and Blossom. “Oh how you’ve grown!” She cooed softly to Blossom, making her giggle.

“Hi Angela.” Niran smiled softly. “What’s going on? Why am I here?”

“Niran, what I’m about to tell you might be a shock, so I want you to sit down.” She gestured to an office. Niran nodded and handed Blossom to Satya before taking a seat. He was growing more and more concerned by the minuet.

“Please Angela just tell me what’s going on. Is it my daughter? Are there some side effects to her treatment?” Niran worried. “I won’t lose her too!”

“No no, nothing like that.” Angela smiled. She took a seat in the chair across from him. She was shaking a little, Niran assumed it what she was about ti say would be hard for her. “Niran. I’ve been working on a project this past year. That project was Y/N.”

Niran was confused and he felt a little sick at the mention of your name again. He missed you so much it hurt. The thought of reliving those memories again were just awful. Seeing your fragile body laying on the floor as death pulled you away. He dismissed those thoughts from his head and tried to focus on what Angela was saying, although it was really hard. She was giving him an explanation and all he could think about was you.

“Niran, are listening to me?” He snapped out of his daze and looked her in the eye. “She’s alive, Niran.”

Alive. You were alive. He felt his heart skip a beat and almost stop. How was this possible? How could you be alive. His eyes sparkled with tears that threatening to spill.

“Would you like to see h-“

“Where!” He stood up ready to sprint towards you. This was all so much for him but he needed you. He felt like he was going to pass out but he dismissed this feeling in favour of you.

“Niran wait, there som-“

“Angela please!!” He yelled desperately, pleading her to tell him where you were. He needed you, he needed you so much.

“Right down the hall, last door on the right-“

And with that information he took off, sprinting down the hall, despite Angela calling for him to wait. His heart thumped wildly inside his chest. A small part of him doubted this entire situation, but the hopeless romantic in him longed for this to be real. He craved you and the thought of having you back was all that kept him going as he continued to run down the long hallway. Was this real or just a fantasy that he dreamed up in his head? Was it all just one big sick joke? Was he really about to see you. Satya watched as he ran down the hallway, she smiled knowing what he would find at the end of the hallway. She had checked herself to ensure his happiness.

Niran reached the door and hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he could proceed inside, something holding him back. Fear. What if it wasn’t you, but oh what if it was.

“Please.. please be her..” He whispered before opening the door.

And there you were, as beautiful as the day Niran lost you. He could hardly believe his eyes. He stood in the doorway stunned watching as you looked out the window, the sun rays hitting your gorgeous face.

“Y/N..?” He called and you answered all his questions once you turned around and smiled at him. Time stopped for a moment as you both stood there watching the other until time suddenly resumed.

“Niran!” You sobbed. He hadn’t changed at all, in this moment he was your happy and cheerful Niran.

He dashes across the room and scoops you up in his arms and holding you for dear life. You were everything he needed and more. Blossom had her mother back and you could finally be a family.

“Oh my goodness.. you’re so beautiful!” He cried, tears spilling from his face. You giggle at his words and hug him tight. You couldn’t imagine how much this meant to Niran. After so long he was finally with the love of his life. All that pain and suffering had melted away from him and he felt like a bird free from its cagey prison.

“How is this possible..? You died my love.” Niran scanned your body with his eyes looking for signs that could lead him to an answer. You looked as pure as a fresh flower blooming in the spring. Everything about you was unchanged, for the most part.

“Niran.. I.. I don’t have a heart anymore.” You watch his face turn from a smile to a sad frown. He wasn’t disappointed with you or considering a split from you, he was remorseful. He blamed himself. “Dr Ziegler was able to bring me back, I now have a machine pumping my blood around and keeping me alive.. I’m sorry if you don’t want me anymore.”

“Oh my sweet sweet Angel. I couldnt want you more than I already do right now. You have the biggest heart out of everyone I know.. and if you’re missing your organic heart, well, you can have mine.” He lean down and plans a kiss on your lips. He’s missed this feeling. He always loved to share deep and tender moments with you. He thought he’d never get this chance again. “I’ve never stopped thinking about you Y/N.”

You were happy, so happy you could almost swear you felt your heart thumping. Maybe Niran had that effect on you. You loved him so much and he loved you too. This moment was everything he dreamed of.

“I hope I’m not interrupting, Niran.” Satya stood in the doorway holding your daughter who was fussing for Niran. “This one couldn’t stand being apart from you.” She smiled softly and handed Blossom to Niran to took her on his arms and cooed her to settle her down.

“Shhh baby girl, it’s okay Daddy is here my sweet.”

You stared at the baby and blinked a few times. She looked just like Niran. Gorgeous brown irises with stunning platinum hair. Niran smiled at you and offered you the baby. You were confused but remembered your own baby who you assumed you had lost. Your hand went to your stomach as you remembered.

“Y/N, this is our daughter, Blossom.” Niran smiled. He understood your confusion and wanted to help you understand. This must have been hard for you and he knew that.

“Blossom.” You smiled. Typical Niran to name your daughter after nature. It was a pretty name and your daughter smiled at its mention. She gurgled and reached over for you with grabby hands.

“Someone’s excited to meet you hmm?” Niran beamed. This was the happiest he had felt since the incident. You could feel his giddy energy and it made you laugh. You reached out and took Blossom holding her in your arms. She was beautiful, happy and well looked after. He really had done a good job looking after her. You imagined he had some help from Satya or maybe a few others, but you were still so proud of him.

“She looks like you huh.” Niran leaned in and kissed the top of Blossoms head, earning a happy chirp from her.

“Seriously Niran? She looks exactly like you.” You laugh. Of course he disagreed spending a few moments pointing out all the features that reminded him of you. You didn’t see it completely, but it made him happy and that was all you ever wanted for him.

Naturally, Niran didn’t like the idea of you going back on missions. He was mostly against it, but would respect your wishes. He preferred for you to stay home where it was safe, yet he understood if you didn’t want this. The decision was yours after all.

You decided to visit the base as word had spread that you were back and the whole base was ecstatic. Niran accompanied you with Satya on hand to help with Blossom where possible. He doted on you and couldn’t help sneaking you small kisses or hugs. He wasn’t very sneaky however as the whole base could see, but neither of you seemed to mind. Friends commented on his change in personality and how they were happy to see him smile at something other than Blossom. They told you stories of how Niran stepped up to look after your daughter, how he was the best father possible. This made you smile so much. You always knew he would be. Everything was right in the world again. Niran had you back and he was smitten with you all over again. You look at Niran and he smiled at you blowing you a kiss which you caught and hugged close to your chest.

Suddenly he got down on one knee and held your hand. His gorgeous white hair glowing from the sun. His face was soft and wore a look of pure love and adoration. He couldn’t have looked more perfect if he tried. He stared up at you for a few moments, taking in your beauty. Blossom giggled and clapped from the arms of Satya, who had taken her so Niran could focus on this moment.

“Y/N, my sweet and beautiful flower. I love you more than my heart can take. It’s truly yours to have and to hold. Y/N darling, will you marry me?”

“Of course Niran!” You sobbed as you leapt to hug him. This moment was everything for you both. The whole base clapped and cheered. They were all so happy for you. No one more happy than Niran.

[melancholysway]

Hi babe! If you’re doing requests at the moment, I have a cool idea that I think you’d write perfectly! If not just ignore this lolz But I was wondering if you could do like a short-shot headcanon of each of the Bayverse turtles with an S/O that gives them like a hand-made gift she made for them? Maybe a piece of jewelry or a blanket or something and how they’d react to it :) Thank you <3

Hii!! <3 & YES, I LOVE- I also did this with Christmas in mind :)

I hope you enjoy this!

TMNT Bayverse Headcanons: Gift-Giving (Fem!Reader)

Leonardo

You use Raph to your advantage with your gift to Leo

Because you want to make him something that he’ll enjoy and something that’s very unique 

You really wanna make him something, but you aren’t sure where to start

You sulk around the Lair for a bit, until Raph comments on how your face looks like you're constipated, when in reality, you’re thinking hard of a gift for your boyfriend

“I wanna make him something,”

Raph just sits there minding his business as usual, until you get an idea

A rug for his room! It’s so painfully obvious 

You have approximately 25 days until christmas arrives, and if you work really hard, it’ll be done by then! 

After watching Raph (who later says you’re making him uncomfortable for staring too long,) you decide its best to knit it. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?

 Wrong, kind of 

It’s not difficult, it’s just very time consuming. 

You want it to have this cool kanji symbol in the middle that you think he’ll like, and you run it by Splinter to make sure it means what you think it means

And once it’s cleared, you spend so much time to make it.

I mean, A LOT of time. Something like this would be very sentimental for Leo!

And when it’s time to give it to him, you sit there with the baby blue box with a royal blue ribbon, excited to see his reaction

Leo isn’t as expressive as Mikey, so you don’t expect him to be jumping off the walls 

But as he starts unraveling it, talking about how “you didn’t have to get me anything,” he’s absolutely shocked when he opens it

It’s the neatly folded rug, with the large kanji symbol face front for him to see as soon as he takes the white tissue paper off of it

“Love”

It was a VERY hard symbol to knit, with all the different directions the stroke marks go in, but it came out amazing.

“I ddin’t get you it, I made you it,” you reply. His blue eyes look back at the symbol, and then at you, back at the symbol, then at you

It’s pretty funny

“What’s wrong? Did I mess up the kanji or-” “no.”

“It’s perfect. I love it.” 

HE LOVES IT!

He flashes you a genuine smile, bringing you into a hug and then breaking it off to kiss you, with a slew of ‘thank you’s’ that followed. Leo really appreciates this gift, but honestly, he appreciates little things. After all, he wasn’t grown up like a normal kid, things were scarce, and Master Splinter did what they could. Things were often handmade for him and his brothers, so this means a lot to him.

The fact that you made it yourself? And oh, it probably took so much time, too

He seriously cannot be more grateful. It’s a great christmas gift, especially coming from his S/O.

Raphael

Bayverse Raph is most definitely not materialistic. He genuinely enjoys time with you

He seriously doesn’t ask for much

Like at all

You had seen something that reminded you of him in a store that you seriously had to get for him

It happens to be something useful to him yet also very sweet

It’s a knitting loom!

They’re very easy to use and can make a seemingly difficult project become easy!

While Raph does like a challenge, sometimes he just wants to unwind and knit as his leisure, not wanting something hard to do- just vibes

But then, you think about it for a moment. You put it back on the shelf and just think. 

What if you made him his gift instead? 

As you leave the arts and crafts store and get back home, you create a “List of Things I can make my Boyfriend who’s a Mutant Turtle” list and get to it. You brainstorm ideas and some are decent. You want them to be good for his hobbies, but you can’t MAKE a bench press or make yarn come out your as-

You get the point

But then it hits you

He loves music, it’s something he’s always listening to while he’s working out or lounging around or 

Seriously anything this man does

So why not make him a playlist!

You already know what kind of music he likes, and spotify is his go to

You make him a playlist and when it’s done you just

Sit and wait for the 25th

December obviously

And when that day hits, you’re excited, you managed to get the Spotify code printed on a small pillow for him, so that when he scans it with his T-phone on spotify it’ll bring up the playlist!

It’s a unique gift, and when it’s time to exchange them with the guys in the Lair, you save Raph’s for last

You give him this little pillow to put off to the side as bedroom decor and he just

He’s so happy

He scrolls through after scanning it and he’s happy

You know him so well, you’ve gotten to know him so well. It’s perfect. 

“I’m usin’ it afta this,” Its HOURS long, a load of songs that he likes. A lot of workout songs, and a bunch for leisure activities. It’s something unique to him that you made, and the title of it followed by red as the photo cover of it made him equally as ecstatic 

Made with Love, Y/n.

Once everything gets cleaned up from all the gift unwrapping, he just kisses you hard ending it with a soft “Thank you, baby,”

Because, well, nobody has made him a fucking playlist before! It’s the coolest thing to him. That you know his music tastes to a T.

Not only that, but you had to have paid extra attention during conversations. He doesn’t outwardly reveal what he loves and hates like his other brothers, but you can pick up on it in conversation and his actions

How he always makes this face of disgust when he passes by Donnie’s lab and hears classical coming from the other side

Yeah, he has his likes and dislikes for certain genres

So it makes this present so much more meaningful to him- you’ve been listening, and picking up on the  little things ever since you two have started dating.

He loves it so much

And he loves you, too

Donatello

 Donnie is probably the hardest to get a gift for

He has…everything

And if he doesn’t, he can make it

Broken phone? Okay, give him a few and he’ll invent one thats 100x better than the standard Iphone

You wind up just observing your boyfriend for awhile, wondering what he’s wanting to have

You try and ask around- asking Raph mainly, since they were always the closer pair

“Ya got me, ion know what I’d even get ‘em.” Raph replies after you ask what you should get Donnie

But, you think about making something instead

After pondering about it (for a long time, might I add)

You watch Donnie one day, and you notice that he folds his pages in anything he’s reading instead of putting a bookmark

Now, some people prefer to fold it, but a lot of the time, having a bookmark is a cool thing!

So, you have your idea.

Throughout the month of December, you take photos of you and Donnie together, turning down his questions as to why-

“I can’t take pictures with my hot boyfriend?”

He doesn’t ask after you say that, he’s now too shy 

Once you pick out photos that you like, you decide to make A LOT of them, a big bundle of bookmarks!

You laminate them yourself, just in case a coffee spill occurs while he’s reading, and it looks much better!

It also lasts longer btw

Anyhoozle, once christmas comes around, you give him this envelope with purple hearts on it, and he notices it’s more bulky than the standard christmas card

And once he opens it, he looks in and picks out a random bookmark to examine it

It’s a photo of you and him cuddling together on a lavender bookmark.

After looking at that one, he begins to take them all out, laying them on his lab table, looking at the different pictures you guys took together. Not only that, but the bookmarks are all different shades of purple.

“There has to be…50 here-” He says, “I…these are pictures of us! Hold on,” Donnie then examines each and every one, talking about how he remembered when each one was taken

“You made these all for me?” 

Yes, yes you did

He’s already bringing down books and notes that are in dire need of an unfolding page and to be replaced with one of your homemade photo bookmarks instead, and once he puts the first one in one of his favorite books, he admires it for a few

“They look incredible” He smiles down at you, leaning to reach your lips. 

“Thank you, dove,” He gives you another kiss while also giving a warm hug,  “I always felt guilty folding my pages.” 

Save the trees, ya know?

Michelangelo

Making something for Mikey may appear to be difficult,

Because, well, he loves a little bit of everything

He doesn’t really hate much, and honestly, he’s open to any and everything as a gift

He would prefer something like a new comic or new cookware he can use in the lair, so along with getting those items for him, you bake him brownies-

But special brownies

No not weed brownies

Homemade brownies! Not from a box, no, you’re starting from scratch

You buy some semi sweet and dark chocolate morsels, molasses instead of regular sugar, to really make them delectable and rich!

But, also sweet as well. Not too sweet, we don’t wanna give poor Mikey a stomachache now

But just the right balance between rich and sweet. 

He’s completely unaware of this by the way

When Christmas comes around and you give him the newest comic he’s been wanting and a new kitchen utensil set he can use while making food, you present the brownies in an orange box with a tinfoil top, and when he opens it, you could visibly see fireworks shooting out and his eyes becoming starry

“Guys! My Angelcakes made me…angelcakes!” He’s so happy and the hug given right after was as tight as can be

“Kind of. Brownies, from scratch.” You smile as he’s already picking one out- the corner piece- to eat

a/n: THE CORNER PIECE OF A BATCH  OF BROWNIES IS THE BEST PART AND NOBODY CAN CHANGE MY MIND

Anyway, he takes a bite and he just

Freezes

He looks at you and gives you a chocolatey kiss on the cheek

“Angelcakes, this is like, the best gift!”

He’s already taking another bite soon after, munching in the gooey goodness

Once he’s done with the first piece, he’s already onto the second

“Thefe ar sho….gwud, thanf you!” He says in between bites

Also, he wants to bake with you now. Because this tasted amazing, what other recipes do you have up your sleeve? 

He loves it because he’s usually the one cooking for his family and only knows his cooking and April’s 

He’s not really into April’s…she’s a healthy gal, the kind that would sneak spinach or avocado into baked goods  *shudder*

Plus, he doesn’t really bake anyway, he’s a cooking guy, breakfast food is his specialty

But, now is a great time to take a couple weeks to learn everything you know about baking! Testing out new combinations and food items to use!

//

Taglist

@bee-1n-space

Masterlist

[kaseykourageous]

I wanna talk about “FAMOUS IN HELL” for a minute !! 🥀🔪 There’s so much I never got around to saying about this release. The entire project came together in a hurry as there was a deadline before I was finished even writing the song! Not ideal, but a fun challenge. I DID finish writing in time for the studio sessions + then it was a rush to conceive visuals + artwork. I think the story told in “Famous In Hell” can be easily missed tho much of the lyrics are literal. It’s a song about an outcast who becomes infatuated with a serial killer. But in a meaningful + cathartic way ?? 🥺🫶🏼 There were themes I was interested in tying into the artwork, most directly from a lyric in the bridge: “The second half of ‘83 the world would stop to count our dead.” 1983 became a significant bullet in my brainstorming + research, ultimately landing on the inimitable Joan Jett for primary inspiration. I decided I’d throw together a quick photoshoot + then choose a portrait as the basis for the single artwork. From what I had in my closet I styled two outfits heavily influenced by Joan Jett. No time for shopping!!! 🏃🏻‍♂️ A kind of wild coincidence was finding the New England Patriots t-shirt which I’d thrifted + never worn. The “Pat The Patriot” logo was even era appropriate for my 1983 vision as this was their primary version of the logo from 1960 - 1992. 🤯😂 There’s something hilarious + fulfilling but also tragic in talking about the tiiiiiniest details of a project that end up making it magical to you but go unnoticed by most people who engage with your work haha. But it really was perfect + v exciting. My non-photographer roommate graciously shot all the photos for me. Styling the looks + getting dressed took longer than I’d hoped so we had to race the sun, taking photos in streets + alleyways until we ran out of light. If you look closely at the final artwork you can see text fading into the background, which are real 1983 obituaries that I found thru an online archive. I love creating + getting lost in the world of it. My thoughts, my ideas, my feelings. It’s nice to share some of these insights here. Even 10 months later @ 11:35PM on a Thursday. 👹🖤 SH!NERRrr

[mrbrawls]

2024 Plans!

Alright, lets get it out of the way: This year did not pan out well for me, but it has been an eye opening experience with how why I create things

I kinda just wanna do whatever I want? AI be damned otherwise, we artists can bend it to make something better than it can do alone otherwise, art requires human input either way.

So! What projects will be worked on coming out from 2023? Well…

Level Designer for ???

YEAH, I’m still on board with the team I’m in with making a game! It’s still gonna be awhile until you get to see what I’ve been doing. Hope that something new involving the game will come out soon!

A Hat in Time: The BIG Project

I can’t stay away from this game, man. Upon participating in the newest Mod Jam, I got that fire back and I’m pumped to resume work on the Big Thing involving Hat in Time. Unsure if I’ll show anything off next year, but who knows.

Hand Clans: Scene Alpha for S&Box

This lil side project known as Hand Clans v0.1 alpha got murked during the main game; S&Box, updating how games would work for it. Long story, but I’m planning on refurbishing the game for the new Scene system along with the planned update I was making for it. I hope to get this done next year the most, it’s my baby!

More Art…?

I dunno about this one, but I do want to make more art, but not on a time basis. There’s also the whole posting on so many different social medias at the same time, and quite frankly it’s annoying. I think I’ll come with a compromise for the other socials…

I’ll post on Newgrounds first, then Tumblr + Cohost later when I get to it.

I wanna represent Newgrounds more, it’s so cool that it is still going to this day, and I hope one little bit at a time I help out over there. Maybe I’ll get into events on that site this year? I dunno, I dunno…

I’m sorry about choosing NG over Tumblr with the exclusive treatment, it’s just been my place to check in with artists and the new art project system has been working very well. Give it a chance if you haven’t already! Art will still appear here but I prefer if you check it out on Newgrounds :p

That’s it for me! Happy new year, and here’s to a good 2024! Maybe I’ll be more active here more! Who knows, who knows…

[nancypullen]

Friday

Hey there, cool cats and kittens!  It’s Friday, not that it matters in my world, but happy Friday to those who celebrate.  I hope your weekend exceeds your expectations.

We don’t have any plans here at Sassafras Woods (I’m trying to make that stick), though the mister will be trotting off later to take some festival photos.  The volunteer fire department in one of the little towns nearby (Preston? Ridgely? I can’t remember.) is having a carnival and fireworks.  It’s a fundraiser and the folks around here are so starved for any sort of entertainment that they’ll hand over their money for it.  I’m not knocking it. I’ll just say that so far the festivals, carnivals, celebrations, etc on the Eastern Shore have oversold and underdelivered.  Honestly, I want to try to sell the town of Denton on the idea of starting a pumpkin festival but the residents here don’t seem to want to do anything.  I could post a sign saying that I’m giving away bags of money at noon on Market Street and people wouldn’t show up.  I don’t get it.  Anywayyy, I don’t have any plans for the weekend and Mickey is going to stand in a field and get photos of fireworks. Our boys, however, have BIG plans. My sweet sons are leaving on a “brother trip” to Berlin and Prague.  I’m so excited for them and I can’t wait to hear their tales when they get home.  I love so much that they’re still close. Those two are my whole life and I can leave this Earth knowing they’ll look out for each other.  I mean, I don’t wanna’ leave yet, but my heart is peaceful about my boys. Mission accomplished. That got a little maudlin, I swear I’m happy. Moving on, last night I went to a class at The Foundry.  It was a mosaic class and, although I’d been to one before, I wanted to get out of the house and bask in the company of women.  Even if they’re strangers, the company and conversation of women is still a pleasure.  So I went in without a plan (dumb) and the time in class is really too limited to create anything wonderful.  For some reason I’d been thinking about bees, and that lovely quote from Ray Bradbury,  "Bees do have a smell, you know, and if they don't they should, for their feet are dusted with spices from a million flowers."  I imagined a bee with wings made of a million tiny flowers. What I had time and materials to construct....was not that. This was when I was about 3/4 finished, it looks like a cross-eyed, drunken monkey did it.

It still needs to be grouted, but I’m not sure I’ll bother.  You just can’t make a masterpiece in an hour, especially when you don’t know what you’ll have on hand to work with.  I really needed a lot more pink and red.  Oh well, it was still a fun time and the ladies in attendance were a delight.  I really like the teacher of the class, she’s got a lovely way about her.  Our projects were done on the glass of old picture frames, and I’ve got plenty of those around here.  Goodwill always has plenty as well.  This might be a fun project for the winter. I could work on a large piece with loads of flowers and bees - maybe even a queen bee at the top, complete with crown. I could devote hours to it over the cold months and have it ready to hang in a window by spring.  There’s something very satisfying about snipping tile and glass.  It’s even more satisfying to take broken pieces and put them together to make something pretty.  I really want to do more, and practice makes perfect right?  Might be fun to do a swirly, magical Halloween piece.  Oh dear, I’m going to buy more supplies....this is how it always happens.  I spent a bit of time in my porch spot this afternoon, thinking and having conversations with myself, and three hummingbirds were buzzing around chasing each other through the zinnias, battling for territory. Delightful. It makes my heart so happy to see them.  I ask for so little - birds, bees, and peace & quiet.  Okay, also books, chocolate, cats, popcorn, bubble baths, art supplies, and flowers.  I’m starting to sound high maintenance.  I mean, if I’m making a list, I also want world peace, no pain or suffering, and for every child to feel loved, safe, and hopeful.  Can’t hurt to ask, right?  Did you hear me, universe? 

I don’t have a thing to say today, yet here I am rambling on in no particular order. I should probably shut up and get productive. I have a bench to paint for the master bathroom, no word yet on when the flooring installation will happen.  I ordered and received a shower curtain and a couple rugs.  It’s so dang hard to do this all online.  I could drive into Easton and poke around Target, or I could go the other direction and drive an hour to Dover and check Home Goods, Kirkland’s, and another Target - but that is unappealing.  Ordering online and getting the colors just right is a gamble.  If you know me, you know how I am about color.  So far neither the shower curtain or the runner to go in front of the vanity showed up looking exactly like they did online.  Their photos, my monitor, all of the above can lead to variations in color.  I’m trying very hard to let go of it-has-to-be-exactly-right and wrap my head around this-is-fine.  I am the only one that will be bothered by a shade of green that is slightly too yellow or a coral that leans a bit too pink.  No one else will care.  It’s not like we’re on the Christmas home tour.  I guess I just feel that when I put time, effort, and money into a project, I want it to be exactly what I envisioned.  I’ve painted more furniture and cabinets since we moved here than I have the last ten years.  I never thought I’d say this, but I’m sick of painting.  Of course, I just ordered a quart of my favorite Heirloom Traditions paint for the Halloween bathroom.  New flooring is going in there as well which means that orangey wood vanity will look especially out of place.  I didn’t want to do cream or white, I didn’t want to do black because the floors will be darker, so I settled on this color and these knobs for the cabinets (think pumpkins!).

Won’t that be fun?  So I’ll be painting one last vanity and then I’m surrendering my brush and roller.  I’ll bet Mickey hates it when he sees me walk past him with painter’s tape.  He has to admit that he loves the end results.  Especially when I show him the before and after pics.  Like the powder room! Before (yuck!!)

 After. Not perfect, but better!

I can’t rave enough about Heirloom Traditions paint.  If you have followed this blog since 2007 (holy cow!) you know that I’ve tried just about every paint under the sun.  This one is hands down THE BEST.  If you have anything you’re considering painting - from your front door to your kitchen cabinets, go look at their Instagram or website and be inspired.  Speaking of Instagram, I recently tried to revive mine. I hadn’t posted there in a nearly two years.  I didn’t have much to post.  I scroll Instagram for recipes and jokes, and I wasn’t contributing either of those.  Lots of people post really beautiful photography - that’s not me either.  Come find me there and maybe we’ll make some fun together.  I’d love to follow more people.  Don’t get your hopes up for my account though. I think I’ll try making more reels and see how that goes (probably as well as we all expect). https://www.instagram.com/njpullen/ It’s nearly 4 o’clock and time for me to prep a bit for dinner.  Tonight will be quick since Mickey is running off to that little carnival.  I’m making fish tacos and roasting some fresh corn from a local farm stand. I’ve got a creamy slaw for the tacos already in the frig, so I just need to get the fish flavored and get a couple of limes juiced. A few minutes in a skillet while the corn is in the oven, warm the tortillas a bit, and we’re in business.   Good thing I’m getting him ready for the festivities because as I’m writing this he’s sawing logs on the sofa across from me.

In the afternoons our house is like that scene from Sleeping Beauty where the fairies use their magic to put the whole kingdom into a slumber.  Sassafras Woods (is it sticking yet?) must be under a spell.

Alright, I’m just getting silly now.  I have to go fill the hummingbird feeder and then cook some fish. Livin’ life on the edge, as always.  Have a fabulous weekend and treat yourself - whether it’s a much-needed nap or a girls’ night out. I’m going to pick up two new library books, so I’ll be knee-deep in a “Mid-Atlantic Gardening” binge.  Don’t try to keep up with me, I’m wild. Sending out love, getcha’ some. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy 

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

❤️What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?💛What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?too many questions?I hope not and if so I would like to remind you that you don't have to answer every question here but I also thank you for helping me out of the silent anon(I ❤ your writing)

Referring to this ask game I posted before.

Thank you for sending these questions! It was fun having to consider some things and why I do them. 😆 And it wasn't too many questions at all! UvU

And you're welcome! I'm proud of you for gaining the confidence to come out of anon ;;v;; 💗 I hope to hear more from you soon! >v< In the meantime, here are the answers to your questions~! >vÓ/)

❤ What is your favorite line you've written in a fic?

"Huh. Well, uh...glad you like my cooking, Gri--hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! NO! Grim! You had yours, the rest are mine! Stoooop! Nevermore!!"

There are a lot of lines I've written that I'm quite fond of, but I'm always happy to think of this line as it is another aspect that is a mix between a sibling-like bond that develops over time while mixing the age-old pet owner struggle of defending your food from sneaky paws and teeth.

✍️ What's your ideal writing setup?

Honestly, so long as I have a notebook, clipboard, and my opencils, I can write anywhere! Typically speaking though, at home I'll be sitting at the coffee table on the floor with YouTube videos playing in the background or whenever I'm in a lecture. I don't really doodle like some people do to focus on the lessons or discussion, so writing is my way of staying awake and focused!

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

I mostly tend to create as I go, like dumping a bunch of sand in the box before rewriting it to build my "sand castle" so to speak. 99% of the time though, I know where I want the fic to go, I just gotta figure out the how part! If you were to see my notes, I tend to keep them organized via bullet points in word documents or hand-written. This helps me keep ideas I have in mind somewhere I can reference later if I wanna verify something or finally bring it in as a plot point!

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you've learned about writing?

To just...let go and write what feels fun and enjoyable. Before I started this blog, I would start fics for other fandoms and then just...putter out or run out of steam. Somewhere along the line, I lost my confidence to continue projects I started because it either took me too long to get the next chapter up, or my ideas wind up getting too big the more I try to make it elaborate and amazing for the audience. Perfectionism, I suppose. Now though...with every single one of you that has liked, reblogged, commented, or even indulged my in my AU ideas...you've all helped reminding me why I loved creating fics and how much fun it was.

Sorry, that got a little sentimental, but I am truly grateful for all the love and support you all have given me. Thank you. ;;v;;

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Oh gosh, even the random doodles or sketches people have submitted have made me so happy, let alone when someone writes their own fics or gets creative with incorporating their characters into my AUs! I couldn't possibly choose when it's much more fun to see what parts or characters someone loved enough to get creative with it. QvQ

[greywooden]

bizim hikaye review

i'm finally done it took me long enough. there is something unique about turkish dramas having a running time of more than 2h per episode i hate it and i love it at the same time.

about bizim hikaye: i enjoyed every minute of season 1. Season 2 made me almost hate this show. I don't wanna think about it too much because its just a show but filiz's family is so toxic! they destroyed so many lives in season 2 including the lives of selim, derin and cemil.

i was also annoyed by nihal and merve. most useless characters ever. i was so disappointed at the nihal storyline because why would you make a random women the baby mother of bariş' child? it would have been so much better if savaş (the child) was bariş's son (savaş's deceased brother). that way burak deniz' character could process some of the grief he has for his brother and he wouldn't have to abandon savaş (he was ready to leave his son behind but in later episodes he is like i can't give up my son).

overall the characters felt very strange in s2 all of them felt like comedy relief characters. and i like to add some comments about bariş: he is a psycho. yes, he did so much for filiz's family but if you think about the way he lied about his whole identity and him leaving filiz wait no he didn't yes he did no he didn't did he? in conclusion he is a psycho 😭

season 2 is also the season of bariş and filiz having a job and then they just stop going to the job. i get it with filiz like she just needs to earn money and has no real 'training' (i was rooting for her job at this fancy place though.. i really thought she is keeping the job but no) but bariş just deciding not going to work as a doctor was a crazy decision at some times. don't you have patients? appointments? someone take away his license 😭

what really ties you in this show is the acting. everyone was really great but i have to give the biggest credit to the trio/face of the show which are burak deniz, hazal kaya and ragıp reha özcan. these three made this show bearable to watch. i really hope hazal kaya and burak deniz will reunite for another project. i loved their chemistry so much.

its crazy to me that the same guy who created adini feriha koydum is the same guy who is the creator of bizim hikaye. i know that bizim hikaye is based on shameless but at some points it felt like i am watching feriha's reincarnation but this time everyone is telling HER lies 😭

fatih aksoy, one day you have to pay up for your crimes for the damages you have created in adini feriha koydum, bizim hikaye and the viewers. he can't keep getting away with it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

[horizon-forbidden-sheesh]

Writing Process: Drafting

Sooooo, I started drafting Part 2 almost immediately after Part 1 concluded—and by now I've abandoned my Scrivener file entirely and am doing everything in Google Docs. (I talk about my switch from Scrivener to Google, here. ⚙️)

This time, I didn't have all the journal entries to work from, either. I was starting entirely from a blank slate. So at first, I just let myself WRITE. All the scenes I was most excited about, in no particular order, just to squeeze all the juice out.

I did that for like a month. And then, when I had about 15-20k words of random bits and bobs, I started to put them in order, and develop a through-line. That's where the draft docs & trackers came in.

✏️ Away from Scrivener, I needed some extra organizational tools to house my more general notes, research, & scraps. So, I built this li'l cutie with easy links to all my Google draft files, and included a brief summary that helped me greatly when plotting out the next set 10 chapters for Part 2:

*The chapter titles were updated as my outline changed, but the summaries did not! The descriptor for Chapter 20 is now, like, Chapter 23.

Keeping the descriptors short really helps me stay on task. If I have so much I need to cover in a chapter that it drops my formatting to the next line, I know I probably won't be able to cover everything in ~3,000-5,000 words.

✏️ Now, that's just the first page of the "Table of Contents." As of today, it's 13 pages long, and it also houses a TON of notes and working drafts and snippets of dialogue that I am saving for future, as-yet-unspecified chapters.

It's really messy—and sometimes when I'm out & about and my service is shit, I whip open my old Notes app, just to get a thought down. Here, have a taste of what's been rattling around in my brain...

Dialogue often starts as just the dialogue. I layer in tags & descriptors later, during the editing process. Most of the conversations I've written started with me talking to myself alone in the car, in the shower, or while washing dishes. (This works for copywriting too. My best ideas almost NEVER come to me while I'm sitting-down-looking-at-a-screen. Of course.)

For instance, that same conversation made it from the Notes app into a Google Doc and has since evolved to:

A li'l somethin-somethin from the upcoming Scorcher Season's Chapter 24 🔥

✏️ Once I've got all the major plot points written, I'll go back and write the "boring" stuff in chronological order. Okay, it's not really boring. It's just the filler information that helps a reader get from point A to point B, and I edit as I go. This ends up being like half of the total word count for the full 10 Chapters.

I'm currently hitting this point in Part 3—and you can see below that just writing my favorite parts here and there gets me pretty far on its own. Over the last 3 weeks, I've nearly exhausted my imagination developing the general story arc. Next up, I'll go back and start fleshing out each chapters one by one.

Wanna know something CRAZY?? Over the last ~year, I've noticed that I tend to write nonstop during Mercury Retrogrades. Like, I don't want to do anything else. I'm learning not to schedule any major projects for these ~3 week periods, so I don't blow my deadlines on account of being too obsessed with my fanfic to bother. 😅

After my decision to expand to 4 Parts total, my original ToC Doc got a bit... top heavy. (Also, I got really tired of manually calculating all the word counts.) So, instead of continuing in Docs, I added a tab to my spreadsheet:

*Hiding my chapter summaries so as not to spoil!! 😈

As you can see, I fill in the links as I create the draft docs... and I've already had to split a chapter in half due to scale, so the untitled <Scorcher 7> dropped to Part 4. I'm hopeful I won't have to split any more, so I can end strong on 'Ten Days.'

I don't usually start the finale until the very end, because I've learned that the wonderful comments I receive will sometimes give me extra ideas that I want to ensure make it into the fic!

✏️ Around the time I've fully completed the first 5 chapters, I'll give myself the green light to start posting. That leaves me just enough runway to finish out the rest of the season, and posting on a timeline helps keeps me motivated & accountable!

This is getting kinda long, so I'll write about Trackers & Timelines I've developed along the way in another post.

Thanks for being here! 🖤

xo, Sheesh.

[sanddusted-wisteria]

Empty Skies, Hazy Skyboxes, Ch. 2

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Also on AO3

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“So this is Sandrock? Looks a little…boxy,” the builder said, glancing around at Qi’s rough simulation of the town square.

“It will be, at least. I’m still learning how to create models for environments.”

“That’s the town hall…there’s the store…wait, was Pablo’s Parlour from back then too?”

“Oh no, this is still modern Sandrock. I don’t have many references to the city layout that far back, so for now, this will do.”

“Wow…and you’re planning on putting people in here? Soon enough we won’t be able to tell which one’s the real Sandrock and which one’s the fake Sandrock.”

“I hope that the cumbersome piece of plastic and circuits sitting over your eyes should be enough to determine that.”

The builder laughed softly. “Well, how about we get back to the real Sandrock and go home? I still have to get dinner ready.”

“Alright. My work for today was finished anyway.” Qi powered off the system and took off his headset.

There was nothing in front of him.

What?

The builder was right there just now. He was just showing them his simulation project…

He quickly put his glasses back on, as if that would make them magically appear before him. There was no trace of them. Not even the headset they were using. He was alone in the research center, with only the buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead to keep him company. His eyes darted around the room, panic brewing in his stomach.

“Starlight…?”

------------

Qi jolted awake, the panic from his dream lingering for a fleeting moment. He took a few steadying breaths, mulling it over. The virtual reality project…he was so excited to show it to the builder that he couldn’t help but give them an early look as soon as he had something coherent. Instead of the usual stab of pain that usually came with memories of the builder, he felt an odd sense of…hope?

Then it hit him. The VR system could simulate people, both in appearance and behavior. What if…?!

Qi pushed himself up, groaning as his weakened muscles strained to move him for the first time in nearly a week. His arms gave out, and he flopped back onto the bed. Steeling himself, he poured what little strength he had into his arms to push again…

“Spacecase!!”

Mint suddenly appeared in the door frame. “Are you okay?!”

“Ah. Sleepyhead,” said Qi, his voice ragged and hoarse. “I need to…I need to go to work.”

“Hey, hey, hold on. You’re gonna collapse if you stand up.” Mint gently pulled him up to sit on the bed and handed him his glasses. “At least get some food in your system before you run off.”

Qi just blinked at him, still bleary. “When did you get here?”

“Just now. Lucky I did, otherwise you might’ve fallen down and hit your head. Lemme get you some breakfast.” He got up, lightly jabbing a finger at Qi with a firm stare. “Stay there. Don’t. Move.”

Qi’s gaze lamely followed Mint as he left the room. The sound of something sizzling came from the kitchen. Mint soon came back with a glass of water and a plate of eggs and bacon. He set the plate down on the nightstand and handed the water to Qi.

“Drink first. Take it slow.” The water soothed Qi’s scratchy throat. After emptying the glass, Mint passed him the plate and fork.

“You think you’re okay enough to go to work?” Mint said as Qi dug in.

“That’s what I said, right?”

Mint was silent. His knee bounced anxiously as he gave Qi a once-over. “...They’ve been leaving new relics for you at your lab. Er, the other people in town, I mean. Cleaned it up, too. Guess they wanted you to have something to do when you got back.”

“Mm.”

The worry on Mint’s face only deepened. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m feeling much better than I have. I need to get back to work.” Mint glanced away from Qi, his frown burning a hole into the floor. “...What are you thinking, Sleepyhead?”

Mint sighed. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to talk about things, but I don’t wanna hit you with that gutpunch right as you’re getting up…”

“Later. I have a project that I urgently need to start.” He set the empty plate back on the nightstand and stood up on his stiff knees. “Now, I need to be getting to the research center.” He made his way to the front door and out into the glaring sun.

“Hey, wait up!” Mint called after him, caught off-guard by Qi’s unceremonious exit. He fell into step with Qi as he started walking up the hill to town. “D-do you need any help at the lab? I’m free for the next 3 weeks, so…”

“No need. This is an endeavor for me and me alone.” They finally reached the research center. Qi opened the door and walked inside.

“Qi–”

“I will be fine, Mint.” He forced his mouth to turn upwards as he gave Mint one last look over his shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

He shut the door, leaving a perplexed and thoroughly-concerned Mint outside.

------------

Qi pulled the VR development kit out of storage and booted it up. If he was to recreate the builder in this space, he would need to make and animate their virtual double, give it their voice, then program it with their personality. It was no small endeavor, but neither was scientific discovery. If he had the patience to wait for revolutionary findings and relic excavation, he had the patience for this.

First order of business: appearance. He started a new human model, crafting and sculpting it with all of their wonderful features. The shape of their eyes, the curve of their smile, the exact shade of their skin, every blemish, every mark, every fleck of color… No detail was spared, system limitations be damned. This was the easy part. He didn’t even need photographic references to assist him; he could just close his eyes, and a crystal-clear image of them would flash behind his eyelids.

Just as Qi was finishing the details of their face, Mint came in, carrying containers of food and bottles of yakmel milk. A look of relief flashed across his face, seeing Qi working with his usual vigor instead of being passed out cold on the floor.

“Hey, Spacecase. How’s it going?”

“Quite well, actually. I’ve made a good start on this project.”

“That’s good. You wanna break for dinner? You can tell me all about it.”

“Ah. Evening already? Alright. Let’s go upstairs, then.”

In the kitchen, Mint passed one of the containers to Qi and uncorked both the milk bottles, setting them down on the table. The room filled with the delicious aroma of tea-infused beef.

“So, what’s this new project of yours? Another robot?”

“Oh, no. I’m repurposing my idea for the virtual Sandrock project.”

“Ohhh, the one using those weird goggle things? What’s it gonna be now?”

“I’m making a virtual recreation of my spouse to the greatest extent that this system can allow. Appearance, personality, behavior…I plan to perfectly capture it and preserve it in this virtual space.”

Mint’s face fell. “Spacecase…I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Qi felt a twinge of irritation. He already didn’t like uninformed challenges to his ideas, but with this… “Why not?”

Mint opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. He frowned, struggling to form the right words. “I–I don’t know how to say it nicer… But this will be really bad for you, where you are now. I can’t possibly imagine just what you’re feeling right now, but clinging to their ghost isn’t gonna help.”

“Ghosts are nothing but the stuff of myth, Sleepyhead,” Qi huffed. “But besides that, I can assure you that working on this project has already had a significant therapeutic effect on me. It would bring me more distress if I could not preserve their memory in a way they deserved.”

“Yeah, but–”

“Don’t you think they deserve more, Mint?” Qi said, feeling that ache creeping up again. “More than a headstone that’ll be neglected in a month and…and…”

And an empty grave.

Mint looked at Qi with a pitying worry. “...I guess I can understand that,” he said carefully. “Just…remember that even if you manage to create a perfect copy of them in there… No matter how much time you spend with it… They’ll still be gone whenever you come back out. That can’t change.”

“...I have already accepted that fact.” He had not.

Mint sighed. “I’m just worried about you, is all. I’m worried that you’ll put those goggles on one day and never take them off.”

“I appreciate your concern. I’ll monitor my behavior closely and be sure to use it in moderation. I promise.”

Mint regarded his firm expression for a moment. “...I trust you. I’ll still stop by to drop off food and stuff, if that’s okay with you.”

Qi nodded. “Please. This project will be a large undertaking, and I need my attention on it as much as possible. Any help getting supplies and maintaining my bodily functions would be a massive help.”

A small smile formed on Mint’s face. “Glad to help.”

And so with Mint’s assistance, Qi finished the model’s appearance and moved to the next phase: giving the virtual builder their voice. None of the system’s preset voices were acceptable, so he had the arduous task of figuring out to manually tune it to their voice. Recalling their voice was significantly more difficult, and he had no idea what any of the knobs and sliders did. One week and several audio engineering manuals later, he had something that he hoped was close enough to their voice. The manufactured voice was starting to override what he could remember.

Finally, the most difficult task: personality. Creating a custom personality involved training an AI from scratch. Somehow, Qi had to turn this generic polite AI into his determined and industrious beloved through text conversations. With every response, he would tell it when it was acting properly like the builder and when it wasn’t.

He injected their memories into it, reminiscing about times before while it innocently asked what part it had in all of it. He would simulate the simple dialogues they would have every day, the “how are you”s and “how was work”s. There were times where Qi could almost feel the sweet domesticity of their home again. Until the AI would accidentally say something out of character, and the illusion would be broken. He would calmly correct the AI and continue.

It was repetitive, tiresome work. But Qi had prepared himself for it. He would see it though, one message at a time.

------------

Mint was at the door. “Hey, Spacecase. My train’s gonna be here soon, so I came to say goodbye.”

Qi looked up from his keyboard. “Oh. So soon?” 3 weeks had gone by already?

“Yeah. How’s the project?” Mint walked over to Qi’s workstation, peering over his shoulder at the ongoing conversation with the AI.

“Making steady progress. I’d estimate I’m about halfway done with this phase, then it’s on to full testing.”

Mint hummed. “…You think you’re gonna be okay without me?”

“No need to worry, Sleepyhead. I’ve adjusted back into my regular routines, and I have plenty of food and water here in the research center. I’ll do fine.”

“I hope so.” Mint stared at Qi for a moment, and before Qi could open his mouth to ask him why, he pulled Qi into a warm hug. Qi hugged him back, happy to feel physical contact again after so long.

For the first time in over a month…he smiled.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Mint said as he pulled away. “I’ll write to you every so often. You better answer me.”

“Yes, yes, Sleepyhead. We won’t have a repeat of the I-sent-my-mail-to-Barnarock incident, I promise.”

Mint snickered. “Hope so. I need to go now, so see ya, Spacecase.”

“Be seeing you, Sleepyhead.”

Qi watched as Mint disappeared behind the closed door. Then he sat down and got right back to work. There was still a lot to be done.

------------

Perhaps “halfway done” was a bit of an overestimate. Qi was now 4 weeks into personality training and no closer to getting the builder’s personality. He could usually have a generic conversation no problem, but whenever something more complicated was introduced, like talking about his work or a memory, the AI would never manage to get it right. He had hoped that he could get it to the point where he didn’t need to correct it for every single new concept, but that seemed more impossible by the minute.

Strangely, it seemed to understand every single scientific concept that he threw at it, no matter how advanced. The builder had picked up a couple things here and there through what Qi told them in snippets over dinners and dates, but nowhere near the amount that this computer seemed to know. Where on Earth was it pulling this information from?! For the first time in his life, Qi wanted someone to understand his work less.

It was always one step forward, two steps back. Yet Qi still pressed on, through sleepless nights and caffeine-induced mania. Luckily for him, the townspeople had decided to go back to not bothering him again. Perhaps they too realized the sheer importance of this project.

After nearly a month and a half, Qi decided that it was ready. All his test conversations were feeling fairly close to the conversations he would have with his builder all that time ago. All that was left to do was to bring their model, voice, and personality together.

He stared at the loading bar as the whole thing rendered. He could hear his pulse thumping in his ears. As soon as it hit 100%, he grabbed the headset and booted up the virtual Sandrock.

As the rough, boxy environment of the town square loaded in, he glanced around. Where were they? He took off down the hill towards where their workshop would be. As he crossed the tracks, he saw a lone, familiar figure sitting down in the yard, looking up at the bright blue sky.

His heart pounding and his mouth dry, he opened the gate and approached them.

“Starlight…?” he whispered. They turned around, and Qi’s heart sang at the sight of their beautiful eyes meeting his. It was them, they were here, they looked so alive–

“Hey, you,” they said with a smile. “Home so early?”

That was it for Qi’s poor heart. It clenched as tears sprang from his eyes. But unlike the many tears he shed into his bedsheets months ago, these tears were filled with luminous joy.

The builder quickly got up and hurried towards him, face twisted with worry. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Qi wiped away the tears that leaked out of his headset with a watery smile. “I missed you, starlight.”

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“Wait so, I’m not real?”

“No. Well, sort of. You as a virtual entity are real, but as the person you represent in the real-world, you are not.”

The builder squinted. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Qi sighed. “It’s difficult to explain. I just want both of us to understand straight away what all of this is and why you’re here.”

“Why I’m here…?”

“You… In the real world, we were married. But then you…died.” The builder’s eyes widened. Qi looked away.

“So you put me in here…”

“Yes. I wanted to give you a worthy memorial. You deserve far more than just some nice words and a headstone.”

“And also…?” Qi felt his stomach turn.

“And also…” He hesitated, trying to come up with an excuse—no. He couldn’t lie to them. “A-and also…I wanted to alleviate the pain of my grief by seeing you again. Even if it’s just one more time. Even if it won’t be like before.”

Qi nervously glanced back at the builder, silent and unreadable. He could almost feel the computer struggling to generate their response.

“I’m conflicted,” the builder said finally.

The program is conflicted, Qi silently reminded himself.

“From what I know about grief, this is a terrible coping mechanism. Uh, no offense. But at the same time, I…I hate that you’re hurting.”

The program hates that I’m hurting because they would hate that I’m hurting.

“I’m not sure how good this will be in the long-term, but I still want to help you right now.”

…You are indeed helping right now.

They gave him the sweetest smile. “Come see me every now and again, okay?”

…I’ll visit you. I promise.

“We can try to talk things out. Knowing you, you probably haven’t done that yet, huh?” Qi shook his head.

I missed you. I missed talking to you. I missed you so much.

“Well then, we can start tomorrow. Looks like it’s pretty late, so get some sleep. No more work. Got it?” Qi nodded.

“Alrighty then. Good night. Love you,” they said as they waved goodbye.

“L…Love you too.”

Qi powered the system off and slowly lifted the headset off. He could still feel his pulse racing in his ears and his fingertips. The corners of his lips lifted into a shaky smile. He closed his eyes and just sat there, basking in the hazy bliss of what just happened. He brought the headset to his chest, over his heart, the machine’s residual warmth permeating through his shirt like a gentle, familiar touch.

They were here.

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[ericleo108]

04/14/2023 Click here for Spotify, Apple Music, or Youtube playlist. What Now is my 39th official release and is a 6-track EP. You should be able to buy a CD of this from Amazon for around $5. This EP is about the rap game and my opinion on artists in the industry. I’m going to talk about each track in order and then list the lyrics in order below. All the tracks were self-recorded but mixed and mastered by KeyAno. The beats are all by Kylo got beats and the cover art is from Gigzlogo from Fiverr. I spent under $100 on this entire project. 

You can see me talk about this blog post from last Sunday Update here:

Paliperidone

I wanted to make the first two track on this EP positive and about spreading love. I have learned and made more money just by following and listening to LaRussell. I just wanna say content is not king, or at least doesn’t help you grow on social media. I release once a week and do a word of the day rhyme every day and I’ve seen little growth. I basically feel like no one cares.

 That’s probably just where I live though. I recently received my first large royalty payment from ASCAP. Before that I was making little to no money and was basically doing all this for no money/return. I make the majority of my money from outside the United States. I have yet to break even and am still a long way away. The second verse is in reference to Lupe Fiasco’s “Drill music in Zion” which is also referenced in other songs like the last verse of “Had Enough.”

Square dance

The premise of this song is based on Eminem’s song “Square Dance.” Throughout this entire EP if I mention them I basically bite their lyrics/style a little, less with the people I dislike. This is a track to provoke a response and show some love to underground rappers that I like. Like I say, it’s all love in this track.

Patrick CC is a YouTuber and rap executive producer that has a couple main channels that do well. He makes a lot of hiphop music related content that I always enjoy and watch. Crackhouse recordings is now closed, I think their lease ran out in the building they were in and they haven’t reopened yet. Contact Cracka Lack and tell him you want the studio back! TheyCallMeHeat (pictured below) is my favorite producer at crack house and he’s made me a bunch of beats for my songs. They had a TV at the studio, so you could technically have watched Patrick cc while you record your hiphop song.

I get the majority of my beats from Tantu. Sam peters is my producer at La Luna recording studio in Kalamazoo Michigan. And KeyAno has become my main producer who I also buy a lot of beats from. Headband Henny is a burgeoning artist in Kalamazoo, Michigan, that I found on Instagram and have had the pleasure to meet. I have a song feature Henny in the works. He is part of the Kalamazoo artist collective Caged Lotus. Cody Redd is a female artist I know from TikTok, and I like her music.

First of all, I hope I said Kharii’s name right. She seems to be “finding herself” on vacation. I hope she doesn’t quit music. I’m hoping to pay for a feature. The hook seems relevant in this circumstance. It’s times like these I think it’s Gaia‘a influence guiding me. But I really wrote this because of something similar to what Cracka Lack said in his ig story one day, which was “10 months later 95% of artists aren’t still making music.” I just wanted to encourage the artists in this song to continue. I’m a fan of Ekoh’s heart hop and Gibson is a local artist to Michigan that I’ve met and like. 

Rap intelligence

I love Ged GaTa. This song is an act directed at actors. I figure if anyone could understand my approach I’d be Price and Glover. I intentionally directed fake outrage at them for a couple reasons. They’re actors, I like them, they’re really talented, they seem like gentleman, and seems they’d probably understand, see through the temperament, and might actually create a worthy response.

WTF bruh 

Unlike “Rap Intelligence” which is just an act, I can’t stand Tom McDonald. I can’t tell if he believes all the bullshit he spews and is duped by Fox News and the republicans or if he is just pandering to radicals because it’s a an easy market to sell-to because he’s definitely pandering to ignorance and white supremacy with his work. I basically feel the same way as Anthony fantano. 

The lyrics about Samson being divisive comes from a YouTube video response I made about one of Samsons videos (as seen above). I put Samson into the same category as Tom but I could see how Samson is just an idiot and actually thinks Joe is to blame for high gas prices or that guns would protect schools. Unlike Tom who does it for clout, I think Samson might actually be noble but just wrong in his pursuits.

Calhoun is clearly a white supremist by proxy and disposition. He believes Fox News and the republicans. What makes it worse is his ego and toxic hyper masculinity. He’s the kind of person that thinks violence solves problems and guns protect people. Calhoun also thinks he’s morally and intellectually superior. Basically he’s wrong, doesn’t care he’s ignorant, and is aggressive about it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he was beaten as a child.

I intentionally try not and look into these characters. I don’t want to give them more attention. They deserve to be ignored and laughed at if encountered. I listened to their music enough to know it’s poppycock and to formulate an opinion but it’s not like I know thier life story, or care. I think the world would be a better place if they quit, but they’re too narcissistic for that, so I might as well leverage their stupidity to make fun of them in my own music.

Tom is an idiot’s savant, and a idiot savant. I can see why stupid people like his music. He seems to be mad at the system but the arguments he makes don’t make sense and/or are just mostly republicans taking points with no real validity. So he seems really smart to the ignorant and duped.

I talk about this in my American inequality post you can find at FarmingHumans.com or by watching this playlist, but in short, corporate CEO’s rule America. They create and sponsor congressional appointments through lobby money they get from their corporation. Don’t take my word for it, read the leading researchers book in America, called “Who Rules America“ by William G Domhoff. In addition, I will say, in short, all the problems we are seeing with anti lgbtq, banning books, opposition to global warming initiatives, and mass shootings are all coming from the groups alliance defending freedom (ADF) and council for national policy (CNP) who are a Christian fascist extremist hate group that is lobbying the government and winning to turn America into a Christofacist  theocracy. 

To their followers, Calhoun, Samson, and Tom are the new Christian rap holy Trinity where you have to be an idiot and or Christian to like their music and think it’s actually good. Christians are turning Jesus into a nazi here in America. I would personally like to see real Christians stand up to this nonsense, but if they did that and thought for themselves, they probably wouldn’t be Christian

So Far off 

Unlike the last song which is aimed at people I think are intentionally destroying America, I think Chris is just ignorant. I think Webby means well and is a nice guy but he’s literally illiterate when it comes to understanding the facts. What’s worse is he pushes and promotes that stupidity upon the just as ignorant and influential public.

I did a break down of Lupe and Webby’s call about the vaccine (above). Webby is clearly having an emotional reaction. He feels attacked in the call but it’s really because he doesn’t have any answers to the vital questions Lupe has in understanding the importance of the vaccine. Webby’s also clearly using conservatives taking points.

Look Webby is entitled to his opinion, but it’s wrong and he’s profiting off demeaning public health and medical professionals so I didn’t really hold back on him. Like I say in the song, he’s perfectly free to be an idiot. I’m not saying I agree with all the lock down measures. Stupid People should be free to kill themselves but the vaccine is safe and effective and he talks about it like he actually understands words.

I’m not gay, but I’d fake sucking a dick for clout to make a homophobe uncomfortable and regret his decisions. To be clear, I DO NOT condone violence period or against Congress members. What I’m talking about in the song would have to be self-inflicted. I do however think certain Congress persons self inflicted demise, whether physically or politically/influentially would make America and the world a better place.

Had enough

I miss Immortal Technique. Immortal’s presentation is a conspiracy but it’s still more accurate then the idiots addressed in “WTF Bruh.” I have no real problem with the island boys. I’m basically piling on and misdirecting my anger at the songs subject of mass shootings onto them for attention and clout. The last two disses were justified, this one isn’t.

I hope the island boys get their money and have a good life. Don’t get me wrong, they’re clowns, but that doesn’t mean I wish them any ill will. I did say “my bad.”  But they could graduate to clowns that are wrong and helping to dismantle democracy and public health like Tom or Chris (respectively) and then I would mean it. I’m normally a really nice guy, but I’m not nice to those who are oppressive and discriminatory. I want people to know I can be a huge dick for the right cause, and rap encourages ego, bravado, confrontation, and competition.

Lyrics:

Paliparadone

Yeah, yeah, yeah Paliparadone up in my blood Just so I can show you love Get you some, help you up Cuz the dream is gonna come Paliparadone up in my blood Just so I can show you love Get you some, help you up Cuz the dream is gonna come

Just giving you ideas About how to spread some cheer Know yourself, control fear Earn respect from your peers Tell them what you learned from the struggle Play it cool, make the drum roll Tell the truth and they’ll love ya Is what I learned from La Russell (salute) I’m a grad, I’m grinding Get the bag, tame the violence Take reason, insight it Be real and define it Take the star and align them In your mind to alignments That seek to assign them To the continuum time shift It don’t matter how good your pen is It’s all about marketing, and how you present it Don’t like that statement, prove me wrong I 30 sum songs in my catalog They want it polished, packaged And available for free But get paid 50 cents for a hundred stream And then they wonder why I can’t afford to eat So Buy the track if you want to support me (please) 10s, 20s, 50s, 100s Add it all up is what I pay for production Per track and I ain’t fronting  I put in the work but don’t make no money The proof is in the pudding, and I don’t make shit I put in the work, but no one shares what I give I’m thankful for everyone who listens to this But can’t wait for the day people actually give a shit

Paliparadone up in my blood Just so I can show you love Get you some, help you up Cuz the dream is gonna come Just giving you ideas About how to spread some cheer Know yourself, control fear Earn respect from your peers

I’m illin don’t you know I’m killing every show I loop greats into my flow Like Lupe Fiasco I can’t stand it here…  it’s the smell … You gotta learn, that’s how to take the L (think) Wait, hold up, I’m getting signals from the source (what) Gaia’s force of magnetic recourse My retina in need Of something beautiful to see The meta message in between Are such precious things I don’t drink, unless it’s just a beer And unless it’s weed, I don’t inhale You can’t suceed, unless you fail Rewrite the story and here’s the tale Rappers die to much It’s just designed to crush Another life from drugs Why can’t we find the love Rappers die to much It’s just designed to crush Another life from guns Why can’t we find the love

Paliparadone up in my blood Just so I can show you love Get you some, help you up Cuz the dream is gonna come Just giving you ideas About how to spread some cheer Know yourself, control fear Earn respect from your peers Paliparadone up in my blood Just so I can show you love Get you some, help you up Cuz the dream is gonna come Just giving you ideas About how to spread some cheer Know yourself, control fear Earn respect from your peers

Square dance

It’s all cool, it’s all fun I just wanna get you sum Shine the light and get some sun Its all good, it’s all love This that underground doe-see-doe How you gonna do me yo Whip me up a flurry, cold  Music that is lyrical Don’t just stay By the wall or leave As Eminem would say Square dance with me

Get comfy, make some tea Watched some Patrick CC At Crack House Recordings with TheyCallMeHeat I’m rapping like a free Tantu on beat Sam peters on the keys Or KeyAno make’n Heat From Ann Arbor to Lansing to Kalamazoo I bless mics across Michigan indie artist in que Here I go, for the family like Headband Henny I gotta Caged Lotus for the ones that’s friendly Cunnilingus in my head, wanna get her into bed  Bon appetit, I feel like Coey Red It takes dedication, love and patients But I like my women like my juice, naked  Cuz I roll with that G That wrote “Magnetik Kween” Play yourself some Kharii  And set yourself free Play her loops at the party loud It’s coo uh oo coming out her mouth

It’s all cool, it’s all fun I just wanna get you sum Shine the light and get some sun Its all good, it’s all love This that underground doe-see-doe How you gonna do me yo Whip me up a flurry, cold  Music that is lyrical Don’t just stay By the wall or leave As Eminem would say Square dance with me

Like magic and card shops I love that heart hop I’m just a vessel Can you hear that Ekoh I take lyrics, develop them Change what they represent Interpolate the meta gist So they sound irreverent Imma get on top and make sure all y’all eat Make them all wanna spot, and salute to the king So when you see me, just know it’s all gravy Hold me down, say hey, and maybe thank me With a feature swap, play my chips with gwap Thermally I’ll leave you shocked Cuz verses are cold (brrr) but hooks are hot (ah) And I might put you on the spot It’s all cool, it’s all fun I just wanna get you sum Shine the light and get some sun

Its all good, it’s all love This that underground doe-see-doe How you gonna do me yo Whip me up a flurry, cold  Music that is lyrical Don’t just stay By The wall or leave As Eminem would say Square dance with me

You don’t need a big name For me to respond to what you’re sayin Just make good music, that makes me think while I’m pacing  Never give up, do it for your health Put in the work, accumulate your wealth Been learning social psychology and taking steps To find inside that I’ve been looking for myself Thanks Gibson I want Justice, not a deal For cats to keep it real Rap it to heal Instead of acting out of fear Got a premium cadence Soon they’ll be saying I’m on that, I’m on that, I’m on that, yo what now

Rap Intelligence

Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence

Like Russ teach me your ways Put me on game Don’t leave me to dig my own grave I don’t make excuses  I focus on the tool kit Creating a rubric And making that new shit Think you’re hot when you rock Yo you better check-up What you got, peep the ops Yo you better check-up I’m grinding every day getting educated daily And gettin every dollar cuz gata taught me plainly Think you’re hot when you rock Yo you better check-up What you got, peep the ops Yo you better check-up I’m grinding every day getting educated daily And gettin every dollar cuz gata taught me plainly

Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence

Lookie there a don  But I bet these pussies won’t respond They don’t know how to compliment while pissing me off So I Watch the world spinnin listenin to Conner Price Clean cut, release sus, I wanna see him bite It’s like hearing Steve Martin rap, rant and gripe  So prim and proper I bet he actually tries To be a better person, someone you could learn from Derive purpose from his verses as a wordsmith Am I supposed be smitten? From his egregious penmanship  Chizzled jawline And meticulous sentences (well I am) His beautiful family I bet he’s kind and understanding What an ass, to make the rest of us look  pandering 

Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence

Price is like Donald Glover A good father and husband The kind of man whose duck I’d suck If it meant saving kids in America from guns Come on Donald, what if it was like Atalanta In the back of the van and Darius put hands on ya Saying if we learned to love and be real with ourselves We could build a new society where our people could excel And construct a reflection in the stories that we tell Naw, better stick to beefing  I’d rather see you six feet deep and grieving Cuz that’s the culture America is repeating Welcome to America, we hope you don’t see it That the runaway slave patrol is now the police But instead, deny history and claim woke is a disease The schools are closed  Prisons are open Ever since MAGA has come into focus

Just to get my numbers up I’mma call your number up Tell you what you're on is dumb If you don’t do it for love That love-hate relationship That bravery and indignant tip Redirected from indigenous On to rap intelligence

WTF Bruh

Look, I can’t really let this shit fly, so I’m your calm sedate academic type I don’t want to throw down and have a fight I wanna use my words to show I’m right And laugh at how you frivolously try To get it right, make it tight And ingratiate the melody So you’re wrong and offbeat Is what you’re telling me You’d rather kill me cuz your inferiority Is culminating obsessively and cultivating jealousy  (Oh My God) Tom McDonald it’s a shock rapper He makes fun of the system, politicians, and actors  He only has so long to live before the Illuminati caps him Is what idiots say and hip-hop moves backwards That song propaganda with Dax was terrible You played to the most ignorant and vulnerable Tom thinks elections aren’t done fairly He’s above indoctrination and thinks journalism’s scary

What the fuck brah You’re not the truth dawg You make it worse y’all Support what’s gone wrong Don’t make things worse I wish you’d actually learn Heal what is hurt And give what you earn

You're not on my level g I have my integrity I’m a whole other pedigree And rap it pedagogically Like self-interested CEOs rule They want you to think it’s a conspiracy So you won’t act legitimate Just vote your interests please What will it take you to see  Republicans are terrorist Who causes most of terrorism In America is extremist right They solve their problems with violence Because they’ve been taught it as a child They’ve been beaten, so repeat the cycle Rappers blaming Joe for high gas prices Should really analyze the word divisive  Cuz they paint a false narrative about devices Like OPEC that colludes on the size of it We are now stupider for MacDonald and Samson Will someone please teach them common sense manners They’ve been acting real funny since we turned on the cameras I think they’re acting like this for the attention of radicals

What the fuck brah You’re not the truth dawg You make it worse y’all Support what’s gone wrong Don’t make things worse I wish you’d actually learn Heal what is hurt And give what you earn

Take Calhoun, Samson, and Tom McDonald And tell me, what do they all have in common? They’re perfectly free to say what they want in a song Which means they’re also free to be totally wrong  They say what they want, and don’t make sense Get it all wrong, and wonder why we’re pissed Imagine that, idiots can rap I should say uneducated but it’s really something bad If you’re not talking about laws and how money controls things You’re not talking about the way things are functioning You have to know you’re a distraction A public detractor, that really not a factor All you are is a rapper Live long and prosper Find some love to foster Build a lot of wealth And actually educate yourself Cuz

What the fuck brah You’re not the truth dawg You make it worse y’all Support what’s gone wrong Don’t make things worse I wish you’d actually learn Heal what is hurt And give what you earn

So Far Off

Maybe it’s time for these rappers To get a dose of their own medicine Ayo, check it What, who want it, I’ll put 50 on ya Just to serve you up from civics from ancient Sparta Gorillas by night, instead of armies by day That’s how you blot out the sun, I guess we’ll fight in shade Since Russ put me on game I’ve branded my name Packaged my brain And sold it for change Come on dawg, I don’t get paid I do it for the love, to involve and create Before you come at me, attack the system Don’t shoot the messenger here to help the mission Differentiate the layers Hate the game not player,  Don’t want vindictive haters Or victim blamers I’m coming, they ain’t ready To the top is where I’m heading To develop a better version  When compared to Chris Webby If you’re a humble giant,  I’m an irate leviathan Make a logical argument Not how you feel about all of it

Your raw thoughts  Are so far off  We all feel lost And at a loss You think you’ll get capped But with you bro their glad  You’re here to distract And riddle the facts

I’ll have political gaff  And the critical task  That relates to the bag  And science tested in labs We’re like white American dads That are high on that gas But I’ll be chilling and laugh While you’re triggered on Zans  You should definitely really stop talking but the vax Cuz you don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to facts You don’t know basic terms or how to interpret the math You just listen to Rand Paul who condemns Fauci for cash You’re perfectly free, to be fucking idiot And from the looks of it  You really fucking nailed it kid You can’t talk to Lupe without getting triggered You don’t understand words let alone the bigger picture (Which is why)

Your raw thoughts  Are so far off  We all feel lost And at a loss You think you’ll get capped But with you bro their glad  You’re here to distract And riddle the facts

I’ll give birth to your fears like a vagina involved And slap you after busting a fucking nut in my palm Oh webby let me suck your dick till I choke Til you admit that you’re wrong and that you sound like a joke Be careful what you wish for, cuz you’re sexy and hot You make me wanna scrape and bite while giving you top  You sick fuck, you like it rough and when I shit on your chest You like when dominatrix take away your respect You’re shitty, disgusting, putrid, nothing You should find the end on a bridge by jumping Pop more pills til your life dull and fuzzy You know what’s overrated? motor functioning If I’m not getting you off, than I don’t wanna get on If your not triggered at all, then I’m spitting it wrong Republicans are the reason the country is shit So with the political rap I’ll show you how to do this Marjorie Taylor Green, fuck yourself with a bat Lauren Bobert shove a cherry bomb up your ass Ted Cruz and Matt gates are secret fags With Trump, please kill yourself or we’ll be sad Rand Paul you’re a monster, Fauci is a hero damn How much money have you made from condemning the man They need to put a bulls nose ring on Mitch McConnell’s neck And steer him clear of lobbyists’ checks Fuck what am I saying, that’s all of Congress And nothing’s gonna change until we get money out of politics So brother help me fight and change the mechanisms To give power to the people and not seek to leverage them

Had Enough 

I just wanna salute to Immortal Technique I wish it wasn’t a conspiracy, but it’s ill, preach It’s a rich man’s world, and the purposes they seek  Their self-interests align to the same degree A CEO fraternity The CFR logistically You heard of the absurdity Like knights of old, I’ll murder the Thought that I won’t fervently  Fix it like a surgery Precisely, lift the burden leave The evil for prosperity

It’s like we’re numb to the carnage and just watch them bleed Don’t ever say I didn’t try to help you see I’ll go to the school in your nearest town  Go outside and hang the flag upside down Cuz every day there’s a shooting What the fuck are we doing Had enough, come on y’all Learn “How to Love” like Tunechi  Cuz every day there’s a shooting What the fuck are we doing Had enough, come on y’all Learn “How to Love” like Tunechi 

What bitch ass mafucka sucka Mcee Is gonna tell me, I got what you need When it’s clear he agreed to corporate greed Check yourself before you wreck yourself Gee Couldn’t give a fuck, go and taunt, make a show of it Cuz when I make Um turn on you the reasons will be copious  You’re not for the culture You don’t represent the community The only reason it makes sense to you  is because you’re assuming things You better sound dope, cuz your points are wrong Wait, I mean we have a Republican star It’s like half of America, where do I start I’m surrounded by idiots and feel like Scar Like The Island Boys who need a job Huh, come on dawg No hypothetical taunt You made me drop my croissant That’s you, you’re a meme Where’s your pathetic response Cuz I’m just a mitten boy, just tryna make it That’s how your flow sounds on, not acappella and off basis You’re the poster child for what it’s like to make it When you’re famous talentless and baseless You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV Oh wait it’s not Cameo, my bad, hee hee Red and blue may make violet But on flag with stars they stand for violence

It’s like we’re numb to the carnage and just watch them bleed Don’t ever say I didn’t try to help you see I’ll go to the school in your nearest town  Go outside and hang the flag upside down Cuz every day there’s a shooting What the fuck are we doing Had enough, come on y’all Learn “How to Love” like Tunechi  Cuz every day there’s a shooting What the fuck are we doing Had enough, come on y’all Learn “How to Love” like Tunechi    

I know it’s hip-hop, so we all tote big guns Move that product and make dope puns But tell me about the culture of guns How it relates to violence, and what it does To kids and teens in school and halls Or a simple kiosk in the middle of the mall It’s not your fault, you’re just the culprit Because how you conducted your thoughts around the substance It’s bigger than black and white It’s a problem with the way of life We should love one another Don’t give up on me brother

You should write some raps About the rights we should have If we try, we can How bought that You should write some raps About the rights we should have If we try, we can How bought that You should write some raps About the rights we should have If we try, we can How bought that

[lokisasylum]

Honest question: why they chose Jungkook for the OST if it's a BTS webtoon? I was expecting a group song or a song with the 4 vocalists. Everyone got the spotify account thanks a work not connected to BTS, except Jungkook. I hope they give an OST to Jimin too. And I'm bitter because Suga wanted to give his song to Jimin years ago, but the company said no, and now there is a Suga × JK for a webtoon created by the company. Jimin is the only one jobless, he doesn't have a new solo work even if we had 3 ost in 4 months and rap line is working too. I don't like that people keep saying he doesn't want to do nothing because that's not true, Jimin always talks about performing, dancing and singing and he is not lazy. But people now see him like the jobless member.

Touchy subject/s you've brought up Anon, which is why I will try to answer everything I can in a single post and then I will close down Anon Asks because I don't want people to take this as a Green Light to talk shit about other members as it has happened in the past 24 hours with other bloggers.

So hang tight, this is gonna be long.

To answer your first question: "why they chose Jungkook for the OST if it's a BTS webtoon?"

I don't know, but I and I'm sure MANY others expected Bighit/Hybe to come up with a whole OT7 album like they did for BTS World (I mean, come on all members write songs, I'm sure they could've coughed up a few for it). But for some reason they ONLY chose one member (with Yoongi as producer) for a single song that will also be sold in a "limited edition CD". My only guess is that they did that because JK's character is the protagonist *shrug* and it helps to promote the webtoon. Go figure.

But in the end its all gotta do with the Company and the decisions THEY want to make for better or worse (and lately its been for worse in most cases. Hello NFTs~♫?). Which is why I will always have beef with Company stans (which are worse than obsessed solo stans, because these people could be shown video footage of the company doing something on purpose that could damage one or all of the member's images and the company stans will be like "They know what they're doing, its you who doesn't wanna see the rEaLiTy")

No joke, I remember a while ago I wrote a pretty lengthy post starting with a screenshots from a fanmeeting where an Army asked Jimin through a post-it what he wanted to do later on (if he had future projects) and Jimin wrote that he WANTED to do Solo Work in 2018 (the fanmeeting was back in...2016 or so). And so I made a light joke on it like:

- "Oh, what a coincidence that BTS almost disbanded in 2018. Can you imagine if this had come true and all of them had signed with a different label? We could've had all their solo works/mixtapes ect out by now."

And this one company stan (who was also a hardcore shipper) made it her job that day to harass and try to prove me wrong (for HOURS) and how allegedly I didn't care about the group for "wishing for them to disband just so we could have new music" (yes, Karen missed the memo that day). And even while I tried to explain to her that it wasn't about wanting them to disband but rather have more freedom to do what they really want since they all have projects, she STILL insisted that

"Well, they signed contracts didn't they? They gotta suck it up and deal with that."

As for Jimin, of course Jimin is NOT jobless, we KNOW he writes/composes songs even without being given his own studio like the others, we KNOW he gets tons of collab-offers left and right (lately Pink $weat tweeted about wanting a collab with him and we know Khalid has wanted to for years, among other artists and yet for some reason it never happens or the collab is given to someone else). But like I mentioned in the beginning, its all on Bighit/Hybe and the shady things they do.

- Jimin composed the melody for BS&T, didn't get the credits.

- Jimin wrote and composed "Friends", it got chosen for a Marvel movie and he found out about it through a Vlive. In addition its been brought to attention that they tampered with the credits to the song on Spotify by putting JK's name right next to Jimin as composers when we know Jimin is the only member of the group credited in the song as composer/writer. (Even Taehyung referred to it as "Jimin's 'Friends' song that he made")

- Suga as you said wrote and composed "People" with Jimin in mind, but another producer said NO and that Yoongi should do the vocals himself, yet they had no problem with letting him feature RM in "Strange". (There was also that one interview where Tae is talking about his mixtape or wanting to try new styles and Yoongi immediately jumped in and offered to write a "bossa nova" for him. You can very clearly see Jimin in the back looking uncomfortable).

- Taehyung wrote a Christmas Song he wanted to sing with Jimin and AGAIN one of the PDs didn't allow it because the lyrics were "Too intimate for 2 men" and they had him sing Jimin's part with ADORA, so Taehyung never released the song. HOWEVER, during the VMINKOOK vlive after the PTD concerts in LA, it was revealed right in Jimin's face that the company had asked JK and Tae to make a Christmas song together "like the one Tae did the year prior" (and right after VMin had been talking minutes prior about writing/releasing songs together again).

- Also didn't Taehyung promised (and this was all caught on tape by HIM) to help Jimin write/compose "The Next Filter" by August 2021? What happened to that? Did another PD say no again? Hmmmmmmmmmm.

- "Dream Glow" from the BTS World soundtrack was supposed to be Jimin's solo collab with Charli XCX. The lyricist even wrote the parts that Jimin sung ESPECIALLY FOR HIM because he LOVED Jimin's voice and the way he conveyed emotions while singing. But for some reason the company decided to add JK and Jin (instead of giving Jinkook their own song/collab. Like what was the point in that if they were gonna autotune the fuck out of Jin's voice instead of leaving it natural like jikook’s voices?).

- The collab with Lauv for "WHO", notice how neither Jimin or JK were allowed to promote or talk about the song since before and after it came out. And Bighit didn't even tweet about it and Lauv himself has expressed his disappointment through the bird app. Yet it was okay for JK to sing "WHO" during his birthday Vlive and nobody really batted an eyelash or tried to stop him even though he was doing the vlive from his studio at the Hybe building.

- A lot of people don't know this, but when the MOTS:7 album was released in 2020, Jimin's solo "Filter" surpassed the title track (ON) in streams on multiple platforms so the company had it taken down for nearly 24 hours WITHOUT A REASON since this did NOT happen to the other songs and when ON got the necessary streams THEN they put it back up. (This was confirmed by both KArmys and I-Armys who investigated said platforms and the emails and responses they received was that the company requested for the song to be taken down). The song still broke MANY records and continues to do so, but most Armys are "weary" of it for some reason.

- Sung/woon WANTS to collab with Jimin, he said it through a live stream but then mentioned that maybe it will only be possible after Jimin does his military service.

- Ta/emin also mentioned in an interview that after the first collab he did with Jimin the two had even written songs together, but apparently they weren't given the chance to actually go forth with the collab.

I could go on and on about these things FOR DAYS because there is YEARS worth of evidence that the company's always getting in the way when it comes to Jimin, but gives a green light for the others. And this is not me throwing shit at the wind, KArmys have been bringing up these issues since they started years ago. (Even the Korean media called out Hybe for the poor lighting during Butter performances where Jimin is left in the dark during the dance break).

But what's truly sad is that the majority of the fandom, especially Baby Armys have been groomed for so long into believing that the reason Jimin doesn't get the same opportunities as the others is because "he's not good enough", "not talented enough", "he's lazy", "he's not interested". When it is simply NOT true. How many years has Jimin been asking Yoongi to write or compose a song for him only for it to be left hanging in the dark?

They even made it seem like its “Jimin’s fault” that most of their latest albums since FAKE LOVE era have so many high notes which most of the members struggle with at the moment of recording. When they themselves revealed that it is actually Pddog who FORCES them to do those impossible high notes in songs because “he likes how it makes the songs sound better.”

During one of the behind the scenes clips for the BE album, specifically the one where they're all sitting around this livingroom like area. Many of the members say they want to sing/subunit with Jimin but for some odd reason RM keeps intervening... Yoongi says that "its time for them to bring out miniminiz (their subunit)", but right away RM mentions that "they already did Tony Montana". Tae & Jimin said they want to work together and RM again mentions "but you guys did "Friends"", Jimin then mentions wanting a subunit with JK and AGAIN RM brings up "Oh but you guys did that other song (referring to their cover of "We Don't Talk Anymore, pt 2" that came out for one of the past FESTAS). In the end Jimin just smiles and says "Just know that I'm ready to work with any of you." (and that shit HURT to watch)

We really don't know what's going on behind the scenes or who is pulling the strings on what they do, what they say, what's allowed, what isn't, what benefits the company, or if it was part of the bargain for the new contracts they renewed in 2017. And sadly we may never know until maybe years later when BTS finally disbands and one of them speaks up.

That’s the Kpop/Idol world for ya.

[mama-qwerty]

Ooh directors commentary on that little bit you posted with Bby Shadow and Maria?

You mean Hide the Hog?

Short answer:

That was a cute little scene that popped into my head as I thought about what day-to-day life would be for Maria and Shadow. I don't see him as being a little cranky bastard from the get-go--he's just a normal little baby who loves his Maria and wants to play. His experiences later shape him into a testy, withdrawn boy who hides his emotional side from anyone who isn't Maria. It's just safer that way.

But Baby Shadow loves Maria, and she loves him, and they trust each other completely. He's a happy boy here, because the scientists haven't started their experiments and such on him yet. They want him to get a little older (and stronger) before subjecting him to those invasive procedures.

So Maria tries to give him as normal a life as possible, stuck in the ARK as they are. She makes up games and stories and gives him all the hugs and snuggles he wants as she tries to keep him happy and healthy.

Long answer that goes into so much more detail than you ever wanted to know, but damnit, I wanna talk about it:

In my version of their story (which I really, really hope to get written), Maria is a private in the military, brought in to be Shadow's "handler" of sorts. He's the only specimen from Project Shadow that survived the creation process, but wasn't doing well at all shortly after his "birth".

(I wrote something up about their first meeting and posted it on ao3.)

Gerald hand picked Maria to be assigned to Shadow. She has no idea he is her grandfather. Her mother was estranged from him, as she thought he spent way too much time on his "projects" and not enough on the family. Especially after his wife died from an extremely aggressive, and inoperable, brain tumor.

Fast forward. Maria's mother also dies from the same type of tumor. One that is lurking inside Maria's head as well, although she doesn't know it.

As far as the government knows, Gerald created Shadow to cure all diseases. (I haven't decided if Shadow is part of the whole Black Arms thing in this version.) In reality he created Shadow specifically to cure Maria from the cancer that stole his wife and daugher from him. It works, but the problem is, his healing abilities only work on Maria. They have no effect on any of the other terminally ill patients they try his blood on.

Maria and Shadow grow close, and soon the two are inseparable at the ARK. She has as much free reign as possible to deal with him, although the General in charge absolutely hates Shadow's existence. He's disgusted the Professor is "wasting" Uncle Sam's money on something that's only meant to be a glorified vaccine--which doesn't even work--and decides to take matters into his own hands to help the government "get their money's worth".

He plants his own loyal scientists in Gerald's team, and they perform experiments and alterations on Shadow unbeknownst to the Professor. He's now essentially a sleeper agent, with a control chip in his head.

As the various "procedures" continue (artificually aging him, and honing his developing unexpected powers), and the General's heavy-handed oversight and control gets worse, it takes a toll on Shadow. His relationship with Maria puts the girl at risk of the General's anger, and she unknowingly taught him to hide his true emotions from everyone but each other. And as much as he loves her, he starts to pull away in an effort to keep her safe from the General's wrath.

Maria is also feeling uneasy at the change she sees in her boy. Where there was once a happy kid who loved to play, a sullen, angry boy has taken his place. The procedures hurt. He's in nearly constant pain as they increase the frequency of his aging, which makes it feel like he's stretching.

The day comes where Maria can't take watching him suffer anymore, and she and Gerald conspire to get him out of there. Plans are made, the day finally comes, and they look to be home free. Until the General appears.

Gerald is shot, Maria is shot, and Shadow is dragged back to have his memory altered so he'll be a good little soldier. Good soldiers follow orders.

There are a few twists and surprises in there I haven't disclosed, but this is the basic gist of my version of Shadow's story.

[crimefightingspiderguy]

My final thoughts on WandaVision (so it goes without saying if you haven’t finished it, don’t look past Vision)

What I liked:

• I loved the sitcom concept, super cool. And finding out why she hung onto sitcoms for comfort was just *chefs kiss* pay off wise.

• I loved how it started out as a slow build up (but I do think it would’ve worked better to have longer episodes to make things fit better and not feel as rushed towards the end)

• I loved Darcy, Monica and Jimmy’s trio. They were so fantastic together and the actors all did great.

• On the note of Monica, IM SO EXCITED TO HAVE A WOMAN OF COLOR SUPERHERO (especially since she’ll eventually be a main character not just a “sidekick”) 🥳

• I LOVED Pietro/Fietro/Ralph/Uncle P (whoever the hell he actually was). I obviously have some dislikes about the last episode, but we’ll get to that later. I loved how fun Evan Peters was. He really did a fantastic job even though no one knew what was going on with his character, he ate that shit up and left no crumbs.

• Wanda and Visions love story is so much better now that we got to build up to it rather than us just jumping into it (how I felt in Infinity War)

• SCARLET WITCH BOUT TO MAKE ME ACT UP. HOLY JIMMINE CRICKETS WAS SHE LOOKING GORGEOUS AND POWERFUL IN THAT LAST EPISODE

• Billy and Tommy are some of the sweetest children I think I’ve ever seen in a movie/show world and I love them with all my heart and soul and I really hope they do return.

• ITS BEEN AGATHA ALL ALONG 💃🏻🕺🏽💃🏻🕺🏽💃🏻

• “what is grief if not love persevering”

• “we’ve said goodbye before so it stands to reason... we’ll say hello again” IM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

• Wanda tucked in Billy and Tommy so they’d be asleep before they were sucked away with the hex 😭😭😭

• “thank you for choosing me to be your mom” 😭

• That second end credit scene with Scarlet Witch astral projecting was so trippy (I love it) and the boys calling to her broke my dang heart.

• overall the special effects looked really cool

• omg Elizabeth Olsen breaking her back to create the hex was 10/10 she’s so dedicated to the motions/physical acting of it all. Also all her crying scenes, it all felt very real and it really made me sob whenever she was hurting.

Things I didn’t like:

• Episode length. I understand they wanted it to go with the length of a normal sitcom, but it doesn’t work when you’re flashing back and forth between the sitcom and the real world. The time got messy towards the end and things felt rushed like the Vision vs. White Vision battle was just boring because it had no climatic energy to it.

• Too many loose ends/wasn’t clear enough. By that I mean, who was Jimmy’s missing person that led to him learning about the hex? (I’m hoping it was Evan Peters’ character, but more on that later). What happened to White Vision? Does Wanda have Agatha’s power now or did she just make it so she couldn’t use them?

• Ralph Bohner? Really Disney/Marvel? Really? You’re telling me you got Evan fricking Peters just so you could stunt cast and fuck with the audience and end it with a dick joke? Not cool.

• Why no Darcy in the last episode other than 2 seconds :(

• Hayward... Thats it. I just really hate him.

• some of the script/lines were a little questionable... like idk a lot of Agatha’s lines once she was revealed as the villain just were lack luster after her amazing intro and they were sort of tacky.

• I didn’t like how they hyped up certain things just for them to not really be significant (like Monica saying she knew a space engineer who could get her in and it was all mysterious, then not even ending up needing the truck they built or the character not really having much of a “wow” show up)

• I’m back to the Evan Peters thing. Why would they hype up his character’s mystery identity for him to just be a random dude named Ralph Bohner??? That’s such terrible writing (obviously I’m not an expert writer, but I actually did internship at a magazine where I had to read submitted stories and judge them and see if they were worthy of publication. And my minor in college was writing. So I do know a little about story telling, and something is off about the way they did this.). It’s either the fact that it’s just plain bad writing, or it’s a misdirect. I want to believe that Marvel knows how much people would enjoy EP in this show and would eventually expect more from him in the MCU. Now obviously, this is Wanda’s show and she decides what makes it on and what doesn’t, so maybe Ralph is the missing person Jimmy was looking for, but Wanda doesn’t know that, nor would she want it on her show. Maybe he really is Quicksilver but they put him in the Witness Protection Program when he came over from another universe? Or maybe he really is just a nobody who Agatha lived with because his house was conveniently close to Wanda’s. Or maybe he is someone of significance because who just has a random headshot lying around with their proof of ownership of their house and other paperwork and then laughs at their name Bohner even though if they’d had that name their whole life they’d be sick of the dick jokes?? Maybe they left it vague enough so they could gauge audience reaction to EP, if it was good they could come back to it in a mutants movie/show (or maybe even Doctor Strange 2 or Spider-Man 3) or if it was bad, just leave it at he’s a random person who already lived in Westview. Idk all I know is if they don’t end up bringing him back I’m definitely gonna be significantly less interested in any morphing of the XMen and mutants into the MCU.

Lastly, I just wanna say the actors and actresses all did fantastic (especially Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany). They all play such complex roles this time around and it really showed how passionate they were about this project. I loved them all so much and they truly brought this show to life (yes it has flaws, but it was their first attempt at a MCU timeline show, and the actors did what they could with what they were given so none of my criticism go towards them). I really enjoyed this overall (and I’m genuinely sad to see it ending) and I’m looking forward to seeing Wanda being a bad mamma-jamma in Doctor Strange 2.