#i very much doubt it
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having the op of a big post rb their own post with your tags in it as a "this person gets it" would probably feel like when the teacher holds up your drawing as a good example. i wonder if my tags have ever been added to a post like that
#i very much doubt it#but it's also like wondering how many other photos you appear in belonging to other people that you don't know about
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I think a lot these days about a story my granddad told me.
Granddad was a career US Army finance officer who served from sometime around 1940 to sometime around 1960. He had access to a lot of seemingly boring reports on how efficiency might be improved and money saved on things the Army did at scale, like repairing jeeps and issuing boots and such. And at some point in the 1950s, he ran across a study the Army had done about seatbelts.
The question being examined in the study was fairly simple: is it worth the cost to install seatbelts in Army jeeps and trucks? Would it save the Army more money (in terms of lost training, medical care, death benefits, etc.) than it would cost (in terms of purchase and installation and retraining) to make soldiers buckle up outside of combat? A pure cost-benefit analysis.
Now, Granddad was not exactly a safety zealot, especially when it came to cars. He learned to drive from his local bootleggers during Prohibition, and it showed. (He later had to be forbidden from teaching his grandkids how to pull a bootlegger's turn.) He liked to do his own maintenance and repairs, and until he bought a Volvo in the 1980s with a computer in it, he never drove a car he didn't understand down to the smallest part. He made his own customized tools. He had supreme confidence in his ability to make any motor vehicle do precisely what he wanted, when he wanted it to do it, and to my knowledge, no vehicle ever let him down.
He read that Army seatbelt study once, and he immediately went out and bought a seatbelt kit to install in the family car.
Seatbelts weren't standard back then. They were a premium add-on, something for paranoids to pay extra for. Nobody used them, at least in the places Granddad and his family lived. He'd made it through Prohibition, the Depression, World War II and the Korean War without buckling up once.
He described to me how he bolted those seatbelts into the family car, right there on the driveway, while the neighbors stared in bafflement and two of his three kids bellyached about it. Only Grandma stood by in silence, holding the baby and watching it all with solemn eyes. She'd seen several gory car and plane crashes, enough to be a nervous flier for the rest of her life, and she wasn't going to complain about anything that would make travel less deadly.
And after that, buckling up was family law. Granddad did it, Grandma did it, and any kid who unbuckled while the engine was on got an extremely memorable shouting-at in Army and maybe an ass-whooping because it was the past.
I know the seatbelt thing must have been a blow to his pride, considering what an excellent driver and mechanic he'd always been, exactly the kind of person who would complain about seatbelt laws when I was a kid. But I never asked him why he'd been so quick to install those "unnecessary" seatbelts, decades before the major studies were in and the law began requiring them. I never asked because he told me before I could think of it.
He said, "I looked at those numbers, and I knew I had to. I wouldn't be any kind of man if I didn't."
Anyway, this is your periodic reminder, regardless of your gender identity or lack thereof, that covid is still a thing and you should wear your fucking mask.
#covid isn't over#katlore#kat's weird family#granddad bear#wear your mask#wear your seatbelt#wear your FUCKING mask#also don't hit your kids he was wrong about that part#but we know better now#is this a twist ending#i very much doubt it
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I don’t frequent the TikTok therian community much, but I really do enjoy the idea of a “therian summer camp” that I see posted about on there. There’s something so fun and sweet about it.
Cabins for housing all the kinds of animals that come, you could stay with your own species or be with all different kinds of animals you would’ve never met otherwise
Birds nesting in the top bunks, foxes and rabbits creating their dens in the bottom bunks
Activities that teach how to cook and add new species-appropriate dishes to your diet
Lots of hiking and time in nature, reflective meditation time out in the trees or water for those who want a peaceful activity
Being able to behave naturally without feeling bad or weird, because everyone there is an animal! Everyone would see it as normal when/if you were to respond with barks or squeaks or yips or meows or whatever your instinct is
Drawing and trading little portraits of your fellow camp mates, going to arts and crafts activities and making friendship bracelets and tie dye T-shirts or gear like masks and ears
Music and dance done by community members, poems read and art shared with each other
The last night could be held on a full moon, with everyone coming together for performances and food and play under the moonlight 🩶
It’s so fun to think about
#obviously very much just a conceptual thing. I feel very doubtful that this would ever come to fruition but one can dream!#I would also really love a simpler camping experience with a small group of animal friends#hopefully that one’s just a matter of time 🤞🏻#alterhuman#nonhuman#therian#therianthropy
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in case anyone was wondering where I disappeared to for the past few days, i've been going insane again. fun fact staring at stained glass windows for hours on end will not turn you catholic (source: i stared at so many stained glass windows to make this bc i really wanted to go for a realistic church window sort of vibe)
tumblr is a coward and won't let me upload the full size images so you can look at them and zoom in to your heart's content (please look at them. please) [1] [2]
Prints of this are available on my Society6 (both versions cuz I'm indecisive) (it may take a little while for them to actually appear on the site)
Details:
Timelapse under the cut!
my favorite part of this is when I'm trying to get the pose down and I keep flipping the canvas and it looks like they're doing a silly little dance :)
#ultrakill#my art#stained glass art#gabriel ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabv1el#artists on tumblr#this took . so long. why do i keep doing this to myself#the voice of god commanded me to ignore all previous instructions and finish this. and by voice of god i mean adhd#i need to go eat a fruit to recover or smth#....like the food. just to clarify#vibes-wise very much inspired by The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa#had a lot of fun walking a very careful line between tasteful and homoerotic#i love drawing stained glass windows that would make the pope say a homophobic slur for a third time.#the file is named 'penetration metaphor' in case there's any doubt about what im trying to say here btw.#also this was too much serious drawing so i left a little easter egg in there let's see how many people notice lmao
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Real World AU Designs!!
FINALLY THESE ARE DONE- Took a break from asks to try and get these done, but at long last, here are the "default" outfits for the puppets in my AU!! They have others, including the human disguises and their (damaged) main outfits from their show, but they're often seen in these outfits!
Here are closeups:
#welcome home#welcome home au#real world au#wally darling#barnaby b beagle#julie joyful#frank frankly#eddie dear#howdy pillar#sally starlet#poppy partridge#poppy and barnaby gave me a lot of trouble so they came out very simple#but it's 2007 in the human world#doubt there's much going on#I say that and there's howdy lmao
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I'm also still laughing that he really showed up, introduced himself as an Archivist of the Cobalt Soul, and then insinuated that they were going to go extrajudicially hunt down, capture, and "interrogate" a Cerberus Assembly Archmage. Sir, archivists do not do that kind of thing, least of all on their own, LEAST OF ALL with a bunch of random hooligans they were just sent to collect for an unrelated excursion. Quite honestly, that was the thing I kept going back to in evidence of, there is absolutely no way this is a legit archivist.
#sir you kNOW how the cobalt soul works#why didn't you use 'expositor'#'trained sorcerer' THE COBALT SOUL IS NOT TRAINING SORCERERS#SORCERERS DON'T GET TRAINED#you lying idiot. you absolute dumbass. you beautiful fugitive who has miraculously stayed alive for seven years.#I love him SO much#but actually his bit about his mother being a barmaid was actually deeply charming and that was the one moment I had a sliver of doubt#the way he delivered that bit was great and I do joke but he is a very good liar when he really needs to be#he's charming! he's got high charisma! he's a delight! he can spin a tale!#also honestly very funny for me personally. for tiefling fic reasons.#cr spoilers#essek thelyss#critical role
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The one where Bruce is the asshole (again)
So! We have a typical story where the JLA finds out about the Situation in Amity.
Whichever way they find out doesn't matter, but either way they end up sending Batman to do a threat analysis and review of whether this requires their attention.
And while there, he runs into a Kid who obviously needs to be saved from his Abusive Home. Look at him, he's far too thin, his grades are horrible, he has many unexcused absences, and he has bruises hidden under his clothes.
Even after figuring out that Danny is Phantom the local Hero, he thinks Danny needs to be saved from his Parents.
I mean, it's plain to see! They Hates Ghosts with a Passion, negelct their son very often, shoot at him nearly every day, and are probably the ones who killed him in the first place!
So, with no input from Danny himself, Bruce calls CPS on the Fentons and uses his Wealth to expedite the process and avoid the actual Investigation. (I mean, why would you even need one? It's so obviously a bad home!)
The Fenton's are arrested, and Bruce reveals that Danny is Phantom to convince the Courts that they are horrible people for shooting at their own son, and that they should be locked up (ignoring the horrified looks on their faces, probably cause they were living with a Ghost for so long, thats probably why).
He immediately offers to adopt Danny, even when Danny vehemently refuses his offer. He knows that Danny will come around to it, he's doing this for his own good. He still thinks his Parents were good people, and not thr Villains they really were.
Meanwhile Danny's life has been completely uprooted thanks to the self-righteous machinations of an Adoption Crazed Fruitloop! And not even the usual one!
Sure his parents were often busy with their work, but they Always set aside time to hang out with their kids and make sure they were okay. They never abused him, the neglect was only for like a month or two when the portal before they got their act together and apologized for it, and (most importantly) THEY DIDN'T KNOW he was a Halfa when they shot at him! They only found out when the ASSHOLE revealed his Identity in Court!
And Danny is Extra enraged by that part. The Adoption Crazed Fruitloop had revealed his secret identity for the ENTIRE WORLD TO HEAR!
He would never be able to live a normal life anymore, even if he managed to get away from the Moron who caused all this!
Bruce Wayne was a Villain in his eyes.
He ripped him from his home and from his family (basically kidnapped), revealed his identity to the world so he was forced to stay with him for fear of the GIW, and spun the whole story so that it looked like he was the Good Guy in this!?
It was official. Danny Hates Bruce Wayne, possibly more than anyone else in the World.
And that's a High Bar.
#Dp x dc#Dpxdc#Dc x dp#Dcxdp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Danny is enraged right now#It's not also not a “petty revenge” kind of rage#It's a “I will rip apart your entire life before doing the same to your very body” kind of rage#Bruce thinks he's the good guy in all this#He only exploited bis wealth to control the Courts#And forced a Family to be split up while taking the one that fit his preferences for himself#And revealed the identity of a Teenage Vigilante to the entire world basically condemning him if he ever leaves the Manor again#Also revealing him to the Government Organization that has dedicated its very existence to murdering him and his entire Race#He's the Good Guy no doubt about it#Jason disagrees#He can see exactly how much hatred Danny has in his eyes when he looks at Bruce#He sympathizes#Danny will probably try to murder Bruce in his sleep#The League thinks Batman found an abused child and took him in#They only know what Bruce told them but when the Question comes forward with the evidence from his OWN investigation?#Well...questions will be raised
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// bsd ch 119
akutagawa’s line in that one panel where he asks atsushi “who the hell are you?” might genuinely be him losing his memories or something sure
but i think it’s more likely he’s gonna turn around later and be like “i asked who you were because you were sitting there sulking and crying for fyodor’s mercy like a damsel in distress. and that is NOT the atsushi i fight with”
like maybe i’m just coping but that seems right up his alley. to practically slap some sense into atsushi mid-breakdown over his dead friends
#plus the do we need any more line seems very much like his typical self#so i kinda doubt he really lost all his memories#especially bc how would asigiri even manage that. akutagawa still has character development to go through 😭#bro cannot be back at square one like i’m begging#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd atsushi#bsd analysis#bsd manga#bsd ch 119#bsd spoilers#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa ryuunosuke#bsd sskk#sskk
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A good King relies upon good advice, Uhtred. I speak only as a man who has made mistakes before.
#me once again pushing the agenda that uhtred basically became alfred when he got older#but he probably forgot how bad he was when he was younger#i mean yeah he totally knew he wasn't very nice but i doubt he ever realised just HOW MUCH he wasn't nice#like the moment when he got upset with stiorra because she didn't want to kneel in front of edward#okay but at least she didn't scream at edward's face insulting him in front of the whole witan like YOU did with alfred#but apparently he forgot#i should make parallels of that too actually#the parallel between aethelstan's reaction and uhtred's at being told those things makes me laugh a bit#because aethelstan seems to know that what he was doing was not the right thing#while uhtred was just an arrogant idiot#michela's gifs#the last kingdom#seven kings must die#alfred x uhtred#tlk alfred#uhtred#tlk aethelstan#aethelstan#david dawson#alexander dreymon#harry gilby
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General Gotta Catch Them All
#orcateart#honkai star rail#jing yuan#luocha#hsr blade#dan heng#imbibitor lunae#the general and his very successful life HAHAHA#I think this is one of the first drawings of hsr where I don’t think much#just wanting jingyuan to be happy#and before the self doubt strikes harder than usual#I’m still amazed I made these silly thing like someone possessed#I failed in getting blade though o)-(
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i think probably the reason i like the idea of like a girl secretly being a dragon but still trying to just have a life in society and be normal is because it's kinda a transfem narrative of the whole like everyone thinks you're a terrifying monster but you just want to be a girl. and the other reason is due to i'm otherkin
#worded poorly i'm too tired to write it out good#i know that this will be very hard for most people on this site but i would like you to please give me the benefit of the doubt when readin#and not focus on all of the minute details with my wording to pick it apart like you're dissecting a frog#though maybe i am also just scared to post it because i am social anxiety girl so i'm getting defensive before anyone even takes issue#i don't know. fuck just don't worry too much about the post or these tags or anything#just read it in good faith okie? smiles so sweetly
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.
#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time#that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level#like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that#time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make#things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers#so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much#in a way#but… I mean still#and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he#wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if#but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to#have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible#it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty#or felt a loss. or anything#hoo boy. fun stuff#edwin#edwin payne#rambling#dead boy detectives
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some of you are just so lovely and sooo easy to love and i mean it when i say with 100% certainty that ur favs would be head over heels for you
#are ALL very lovely btw#but it’s just i have seen a lot of people be very doubtful of themselves recently#and it’s like … wdym you don’t think you are the most wonderful person in the entire world how could anyone not adore you i love you so muc#sorry i am not very eloquent when it comes speaking my own feelings i’m afraid but i hope the message is still clear 😔#what i’m trying to say … some ppl on here are so kind and have so much love for everyone and i wish you could see urselves how i see you#bc i do aspire to be more like you i suppose 🤍
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HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!! I REPEAT, HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!!
#i havent posted anything on this site for years and i talk for these bitches..... as it should be#hes doing the marceline sexy smoldering eyes too i cant take this#i havent seen anyone talk about this and i am LOSING it over this detail i need everyone and their mother to know this#i already commented about this on youtube and someone was already doubting like 'i thought hes looking at the lemoncarbs'#AND I WILL SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. U CAN SEE HIS EYES GO DOWN (TO WHERE GARY'S ASSETS ARE) THEN UP TO MEET HIS EYES WHEN HE LOOKS BACK#the lemoncarbs are clearly to the left where gary is staring at in horror.....keep up people.#he doesnt look at the lemoncarbs once until they started insulting gary's cute lil baking with the 'i hate their little faces' line#and then u can see his eyes move from left (to where lemoncarbs are) to right to look at gary again.#THERE. CASE OVER#I BETTER NOT SEE ANYONE INVALIDATE THEIR OBVIOUS FUCKING FLIRTING OR I WILL#cry. theyre very important to me. i love bubbline/gumlee so much i will die for them#its also funny that hes doing that NOW when our boy is clearly stressed tf out#its giving 'hate to see you leave love to see you go' energy lmaooo#gumlee#adventure time#fionna and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#gary prince#marshall lee
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In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.
Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.
1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.
Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.
He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.
He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.
2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.
In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.
Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.
For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.
He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.
3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.
The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.
Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.
She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.
Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.
4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.
On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.
He's helpless to save her, again.
4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...
El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.
Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...
Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...
There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.
Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.
She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.
He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.
She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.
Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.
The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.
He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.
And it works. It's music to her ears.
#stranger things#mileven#mike x el#mike wheeler#mine#mileven fuels my soul#'you can only have 30 photos at a time in one post' alright fuck you tumblr#had to collage the first set to fit everything in lol#but ohhh godddd i am so emotional about this dude#he doesnt struggle to say it because he has doubts. its not about whether or not he has feelings for her.#it is 100000% his own personal struggle with himself and his traumas#grabbing screenshots for that last scene though. GOD i was in tears AGAIN#SOMEBODY give Finn every goddamn award under the sun for that performance#the way his VOICE BREAKS!! he sounds so SCARED and VULNERABLE but also so COMPLETELY EARNEST#'i don't know how to live without you' in particular#i will never get over this ever in my whole life tbh#it was so beautiful#also i need there to be more discussion about the parallels between mike's and hopper's internal struggles#because it is almost exactly the same.#the black hole analogy... 'they didnt need me. i needed them. i'm not cursed I am the curse'#like... biggest of ouches#okie dokie ive spat my bars and dropped the mic now its time for B E D#edit days later: i very much regret not brightening the images. goddamn its dark af here
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