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palettepainter · 5 years ago

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“Raaammmieeellllll!” A familiar sounding voice whispered into her ear. Ramiel stirred in her slumber, but didn’t open her eyes, nor did she sit up from her bed to greet the visitor. She was fully aware of who they where, and if she had learnt anything from them, it was that giving them no reaction at all was often the best choice to take. It went quite for a few minutes, before something poked her cheek “Raaammieeeeelll!!” The voice sang, poking her cheek with a huge child like grin on their face, seeming to not understand that the said sleeping angel wanted them to go away. Ramiel’s brows furrowed a bit, and she tried to shove away their hand with her shoulder, alas, her attempts were futile. Once again silence, and Ramiel shifted back into a comfier position to sleep...until “Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel-“ The cheek poking became repetitive, and soon became quickly affective at waking her up. Any other angel would have reacted with annoyance and even anger, (obviously), but for Ramiel, she had come to accept this as simply being one of the many morning greetings from her friend. And the said friend was none other than: “Jevil..” “Good morning dearest!!~” The mighty god of chaos sang cheerfully, casually floating above her and smiling ear to ear. Ramiel groaned sleepily, reaching for her glasses as she shifted into a sitting position. “So good to see you! Why! It feels like it was an eternity since we last saw each other! Don’t you think?” “..We saw each other yesterday” Ramiel said blankly, stating an obvious fact Jevil sighed “Oh how time flies!” Rolling over in the air, Jevil laid on his back, folding his arms behind his head and throwing one leg over the other, tail swaying slowly. “Hmm..” Jevil tapped his chin, darting his eyes up and down Ramiel’s exhausted look: with her usually neat and finely combed brown hair now a messy tangle of nots, her smart attire now just a simply blue night vest, and the droopy look in her expression, like she was struggling to stay awake. “Though I must be honest with you, you have been better looking!“ he batted his hand, still smiling “Now don’t take that to heart! It’s just that in my professional opinion, you’ve always suited having the smart and intellectual look over the morning bed head look.” Ramiel cocked her brow, unamused “..That’s because it’s midnight Jevil.” She directed a hand to her window, where the night sky twinkled down on the whimsical land of heaven. Jevil let out a small cackle, and leaned his noodle cat like body down near Ramiel “I knew a smart cookie like you would point that out!” Jevil offered several pats to Ramiel’s head, beaming at her like a mother would with their child. Leaning away, Jevil crossed his arms, gesturing with one hand “Yes I figured you’d be a little bit salty with me for showing up so horrifically early - but sadly, altering the cycle of the sun isn’t something a-“ he made quotation marks “-‘reformed god’ does. After all-“ Jevil pulled a sassy grin, expecting his nails coyly “I am reformed!” He snapped his fingers, conjuring up a halo above his head “..Well, apparently not breaking into friends houses still needs work” “Ah-Ah-Ah!” Jevil wagged his finger “Whoever said it was a forced entry?” Jevil paused, before jabbing a thumb down the hallway “The kitchen window was open.” Ramiel pinched the skin between her nose, huffing under her breath. “What is it you want Jevil?..” she asked, tiredness still evident in her voice. The god smiled happily, clapping his hands together eagerly “Isn’t it obvious dear? Why, I’ve come to deliver little Leo’s birthday gift!!” Silence hung in the room, and Ramiel blinked, genuinely unsure if Jevil was being serious. But when Jevil only continued to smile and wait for her response... “..Jevil..You do know that babies usually aren’t..awake at midnight.” “Yes.” Jevil answered politely, curiously inspecting the pillows on the end of Ramiel’s bed “..And that Leo’s birthday party doesn’t start until lunch time, correct?” “At 2pm sharp!” Jevil added formly Ramiel held her hands together, inhaling a calming breath, before she dipped then like a steeple “..So dont you think it would be better if you gave Leo your gift..at the party?” She paused, and took that moment to glance momentarily out of her window “..When the sun is up.” Jevil let out a merry chuckle, rolling about in mid air as if he had just been told a hilarious joke, but Ramiel remained looking unamused, her brow raised at her friends behaviour. “Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel!” Jevil sang, teleporting to Ramiel’s side in a flash of light “My dear DEAR friend-“ He slung an arm round Ramiel’s shoulders “You underestimate the sheer love and affection I have for your son! After all - I DID make a vow to be his godfather, did I not?” “It was more like begging.” Ramiel correcting “Details details.” Jevil rolled his eyes. “Besides, I most sadly wont be able to attend the delightful celebration.” He held the back of his hand to his head “Truly tragic, a party is never a party without dancing tea cups and cotton candy rabbits” Ramiel sat their staring in surprise. When did Jevil ever miss a party? More so, when did Jevil ever miss any of Leo’s parties! Ramiel couldn’t find any reason why Jevil wouldn’t be able to attend, she knew perfectly well Jevil didn’t care for doing chores or errands for anyone unless she persuaded him too, and Jehovah had banned any chaotic magic on the main land, so he had not chaotic work to do. “..Why won’t you be attending?” She finally asked Jevil was quite for a brief moment, his ears lowering a little, before he quickly flashed a grin and patted her shoulder “Oh it’s nothing to worry about! I simply misplaced my butterfly sandwich catching net at the bottom of the upside down lake!” He faked slapped his hand, throwing his head back a tad “I’m such a butter fingers! And I can’t attend a party without my butterfly sandwich catching net! After all, catching the sandwich’s rather then devouring them straight away is much more fun!” Ramiel had the sneaky suspicion that maybe that wasn’t the true reason, and her expression must have said so, because as soon as Ramiel went to speak, Jevil beat her to it. “Well then-“ he floated upwards, and pulled a goofy looking alarm clock from his pocket “It seems I’ve jabbered long enough!” He shook the clock near his ear and listened to the rythmatic tic tocking, before shoving it back inside its rightful pocket. “I had better deliver my gift!” He held up a finger as he spoke “Now: I want my gift to put to full use! By the time the clock strikes midnight tomorrow, the gift shall be of no more use!” “..No more use?-“ “And I want to also add, this is quite the generous gift, and I’m not quite used to being this giving.” He held a hand to his chest “And although you are not one for pestering Ramiel, do not expect me to be giving this gift back willy nilly.” Ramiel blinked “..What do you mean by-“ “And there of course shall be no magical side affects!” “..Magical...side affects?” Ramiel suddenly became uneasy, and a pit settled on her gut “..From..what?” Jevil scoffed “From the gift! Do pay attention Ramiel.” Jevil cracked his fingers, and then rubbed his hands together, tail wagging, clearly excited to give this mysterious gift “Now then! I shan’t waste anymore of your time Ramiel! After all, you’ll need to be looking your best for the party!” Jevil held up his fingers and prepared to snap, closing his eyes, but paused to quickly add “Oh! And do save me a slice of cake and sandwiches!” “Jevil wait!-“ Snap. The floating god snapped his fingers. Ramiel expected some kind of dramatic explosion of confetti or for a massive plush toy to appear in the far corner..but to her surprise, nothing happened. Eyes remaining closed, Jevil rummaged around in his pocket again, pulling out a small silver zip “Delivery, officially delivered!” He praised outload, before he let the zip float in front of him. He pulled the zip down, creating an opening back into his chaos realm “Toodle-loo!~” He said with a waggle of his fingers, before he stepped through the portal, as it shut neatly behind him. Ramiel stared at the spot where Jevil once was, all that remained now where some sparkles that gradually disappeared. Jevil’s instructions ran through her head, the cogs turning as she tried to piece it all together. What kind of gift had Jevil gotten? What did he mean by no magical side affects? Had Jevil..put a spell on Leo! Now that she thought about it she realised it wouldn’t be such a surprising thought, Jevil did enjoying using his magic to its full use, but if so, then what kind of spell had he casted? She knew it wouldn’t be anything dangerous, Jevil wasn’t THAT careless! Especially when it came to Leo. ...Ramiel exhaled a long breath “Well...guess I’ll just have to find out” she said to herself, before placing down her glasses, and drifting back into sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~ “And after that he just..left?” Ramiel nodded with an ‘mhm’, placing down a second bowl of crisps on the table. Her two eldest brothers exchanged confused looks “Hmm, odd..” Baraquiel adjusted his glasses, thinking for a moment longer before he spoke “Mister Jevil has always been a peculiar person but..it’s not like he would miss Leo’s birthday party for nothing.” “And you’re SURE he was making up an excuse?” Nathanial asked while turning to his sister, who only nodded. Both brothers hummed, and then exchanged looks once again, like they where having a telepathic conversation. “He told me he misplaced his net by the upside down lake..” Ramiel idly traced her finger round the edge of one of the plastic party cups, sighing quietly “But...something told me he was lying..” Ramiel fell silent, and let out another quite sigh, shifting a few things about on the table, trying to find something to keep her mind off the topic. Baraquiel cleared his throat, and then walked up to Ramiel, Nathanial soon following his lead “I’m sure Jevil will come along in his own time” “Yeah, you know him” Nathanial said paired with a shrug “Always fashionably late.” Ramiel peered up at her siblings, and tried her best to smile, it was still clear she was upset - Baraquiel and Nathanial wanted to try and reassure Ramiel further, but the two decided against it, perhaps it would be best to leave the topic be for now. “Well..” Ramiel glanced to the clock briefly, and then peered back to her siblings “The guests will be here soon, could you two finish with the food?..I’m going to go and wake Leo.” Ramiel could vaguely hear Nathanial and Baraquiel agreeing as she walked off down the hallway, but her mind was elsewhere, and she hardly heard what it was they said. Her mind was pondering on the question she’d be asking herself for the whole of that morning: Why had Jevil lied? The god of chaos worked in mysterious and unexplainable ways, and no one truly knew what it was that he was planning or going to do next. But for Ramiel, things where different. She had picked up on certain behaviours of his, and how he acted in different scenarios. At this stage, Ramiel was confident that she could read Jevil like a book. And her gut was telling her for sure that Jevil hadn’t been honest with her. But why? Why would Jevil had needed to lie? Did he simply not want to attend the party? Was he nervous about the angels that would be showing up? Was he nervous he may make the party worse with his magical antics? The last option seemed like it could have been a reason, but Ramiel soon thought against it, Jevil was never really shamed to show off his abilities. However, with 2pm drawing closer and the party almost ready, there was no time for her to find Jevil and question his actions. ‘I suppose I could talk about it with him later..maybe he will show up, Jevil is very fond of parties after all’ she told herself Approaching the door to her sons room, she could already hear the familiar gurgling and babbling coming from inside. Smiling, Ramiel reached for the door handle and then poked her head inside “Good morning Leo” the birthday boy was sitting up in his crib, back facing his mother as he waved his stuffed bear enthusiastically, giggling away. Ramiel couldn’t help but snicker as she walked inside the room, reaching into her sons crib and lifting him up to cradle him “Happy birthd-“ Ramiel’s words got caught in her throat, and in that second, if felt as if even the earth itself had stopped moved. For in her arms, staring back at her with child like glee, love, and curiosity - where two pink, spiral eyes. Jevil’s eyes Leo waved his tiny hands up at the face of his mother, wanting to touch her face. Lost in both wonderment and pure fear, Ramiel slowly lifted Leo up to her, just like how she would do every morning so that he could tell if it was her. Leo drooled on his onesie sleeve, and then reached a curious hand out, grabbing his mothers cheek. Ramiel felt a fresh bulk of tears gathering in the corner of her eye when a lob sided smile pulled at her little angels lips He let out a gurgly giggle, hands freely roaming her face as he felt at her cheeks, forehead and glasses. He soon began to nom on some strands of her hair, but she didn’t care, she choaked back a sob, her lips curling up into a smile. “Ramiel?” Nathanial poked his head into the room, his brother senses kicking in when he heard her light sobbing from the hallway. Concern growing he quickly walked over to her, soon followed by Baraquiel. Once the two where close to her, their eyes widened to the size of plates when they saw Leo with bright pink eyes. He gurgles at the two new faces, reaching curious hands out to both of them. “W-What..” Nathanial pointed a slightly trembling finger at his nephew “What happened to his..eyes?” Baraquiel, compared to Nathaniel looked much more calmer, and slowly waved his finger in front of Leo from side to side, the baby followed his finger, and then grabbed it with a giggle. He hummed “It...seems he can see.” He said, half lost for words “..Jevil’s eyes” “..What?” Nathaniel gave his sister a cocked brow Ramiel smile grew more, as she finally brought Leo close to cradle him, the curious tot was peering all around the room, taking in the new sights that he could not see before. Ramiel lowered her head to gently kiss his forehead, and it earns her a string of giggles and tiny excites claps. “They’re Jevil’s eyes...His gift!” It all finally clicked into place, and Ramiel suddenly realised what gift Jevil had given. “He said there would be no magical side affects..I, assumed he had casted some spell, but..” she paused, before sniffling, and wipping at her eye “I didn’t except anything like this!” Once again she drew Leo closer to her, hugging him with the most tender loving care, showering his forehead with kisses, and little Leo happily took the attention from his precious mother. Nathanial And Baraquiel, gradually recovering from their shock, eagerly knelt a little to make eye contact with Leo, who glanced to his Uncles. “Hey there little dude! What’s it like to see now huh?” The only response Nathanial got was incoherent babbling, but it sounded happy, so he’d take it. He let out a rare chuckle, before he moved out of the way for Baraquiel to say hello. “Hello there little one!” Once again, Baraquiel reaches out his finger and gently tickled Leo’s stomach. The baby let out a squeaky laugh, before grasping at Baraquiel’s finger. Ramiel couldn’t help but snicker under her breath, unfolding her wings she gently pulled her two oldest brothers into a hug, eyes still smiling down at Leo with warmth and love. The moment was perfect, until a very ‘poof’ sound came from the lounge..followed by a thud and a groan All eyes went to the doorway of the bedroom, Nathanial felt his fingers curling into a fist was was prepared to throw a punch, but relaxed when very familiar and fuzzy face leaned into the doorway. “Ramiel!!~” Jevil greeted enthusiastically, waving four nets in his hand as he beamed a mischievous grin “I brought my sandwich catching net!! And lookie-“ He gestured to the other three “I brought spares!~ Who’d have know my sandwich nets where in my closet the whole time! Oh were going to have so much fun my dear!!” Jevil went to pat Ramiel’s head, only for him to pat nothing. Chuckling nervously, Jevil guided himself cautiously into the room, before he found who he guessed to be Ramiel from the sound of Leo’s gurgling, and patted her head softly. “Ah, I’m terribly sorry for that.” Jevil pointed to his eyes, that where now replaced with glassy shiny eyes, Leo’s eyes. “I may have made a slight misjudgement, this is a lot harder then I thought it would be.” There was a brief pause, and for a small moment, Jevil was worried he had said something wrong. His intrusion might have interrupt a sweet moment- Jevil felt something wrap around his middle, and then something fluffy resting on his back. He hummed, ears perked forward. He looked down where the sounds of Leo’s gurgling where strongest. Though he couldn’t see it, Ramiel was hugging him. One arm and wing wrapped around his back while the other arm held her son, who was still babbling away. Something warm began to grow in Jevil’s chest, it felt weird, but oddly nice. Smiling, Jevil reached a hand gently down to feel Ramiel’s head, before he carefully knelt down to wrap his arms and wings round her and Leo, returning to hug. Leo cooed, leaning his head to the side - he reached out a hand and rugged at one of Jevil’s feathers, causing him to flinch. “Oh don’t worry!” Jevil leaned back and balanced himself perfectly on his tail, leaning his head down to what he guessed was at eye level with Leo “Your old Uncle Jevil hasn’t forgotten about you!” Leo clapped his hands and kicked his legs excitedly, remembering Jevil’s voice almost instantly. With Ramiel’s help, she guided Jevil’s arms so that he was now cradling Leo. Jevil’s grin couldn’t have been more bright as he fondly nuzzled Leo, the enthusiastic tot cooed once again, hands reaching to Jevil’s cheeks to feel at his fur, the soft touch bringing back more memories of him. KNOCK KNOCK “Ah, must be the others.” Nathanial and Baraquiel walked to the doorway “We’ll let you guys catch up, see you two out there!” Nat said whip casually waving as he and his brother left out into the hallway. As guests filled up in the lounge, Jevil continued to coddle and dot over Leo, speaking in the most sugary sweet baby voice he could make. It was an amusing sight to see, the mighty lord of chaos fussing over a wee baby. Ramiel watched with a content smile, sighing quietly. “Well-“ Jevil snapped his digits, and the four sandwich catching nets magical materialised into his spare hand and Leo safely appeared in his mothers arms. “Aren’t we going to go and join the others? This IS a party after all!” Smile still present, Ramiel let Leo lean on her shoulder, lightly bouncing him in her arms “Yes, let us join them.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ @cosmic-artzz I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I had this idea ages ago and it was inspired by some RP’s me and Cosmic had over Twitter, involving my god of Chaos OC Jevil, and her angel OC’s Ramiel and her son Leo. I’m not sure when exactly Leo is born in Cosmic’s heaven AU, but this story probably takes place way in the future. To anyone who doesn’t know about these characters: Ramiel was assigned to be Jevil’s caretaker of sorts, so that Jevil can become reformed (I’m not sure if this is cannon in Cosmic’s main heaven AU or if this takes place in a completely separate AU) - I told Cosmic that Jevil would adore Leo, he’d trade his left arm and right leg of it make him happy. This is a story of Jevil generously leading Leo his sight for his birthday, while Jevil has Leo’s blindness for the day, but that won’t stop him from having fun! (sorry if some parts aren’t written well, I’m not that good at writing sappy stuff)

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT/COPY/TRACE MY ART, THE OC’S OR MY WRITTING!! Ramiel/Leo/Nathanial/Baraquiel - @cosmic-artzz Jevil - me

#Story #Jevil #Ramiel #Leo

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chasethesun18 · 5 years ago

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50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @goddess-clarke 🥰

What is the colour of your hairbrush? purple and black

Name a food you never eat? seafood and red meat

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i used to be too cold all the time and then i went through a time where i was too hot and now im back to somewhere in the middle but mostly cold. my fingers turn blue a lot lolol

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? mm so i just watched the premier of blindspot s5 and it is now dead to me and i will be forgetting this episode happened and not continuing the season. so ive spent the last hour trying to erase the ep from my memory and cheer myself up. its not working so now im answering 50 questions. as one does.

What is your favourite candy bar? oh i don't know. it changes. i really like peanut m&ms and york patties

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? professional...maybe? i think i’ve possibly been to a pro baseball. im from the south and we dont do pro we only do college. ive been to..idk hundreds on hundreds of those

What is the last thing you said out loud? told my mom i loved her. cause im cute like that.

What is your favourite ice cream? i like vanilla with a lot of toppings. but also coffee and mint chocolate chip

What was the last thing you had to drink? im drinking cherry vanilla coke zero. yes its 11:42pm. dont judge me.

Do you like your wallet? yeah its cute. its little and red

What was the last thing you ate? salad with chicken (oo she healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? yeah no. i haven't bought new clothes in forever. actually got into an argument with my mom about that today

The last sporting event you watched? BEFORE SPORTS WERE CANCELLED YOU MEAN????? baseball.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? ....popcorn has flavors? idk salt?

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister. about said blindspot premier. she's writing a book and considering killing off one of the characters and i told her i didn't want someone to get to the end of her book and wish she hadn't read it which is how i feel about blindspot rn

Ever go camping? i do, my major is parks and rec so im a ~big outdoors girl~ but im actually more into the historical preservation side of things and i dont really like camping but i have been dragged into it bc of my major

Do you take vitamins? no but i take a shit ton of medication. y'all didnt need to know that srry.

Do you go to church every Sunday? yes. before that got cancelled too. its fine.

Do you have a tan? i do! super proud of it. its the beginning stages

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza i hate chinese food

Do you drink your soda with a straw? yes

What colour socks do you usually wear? white

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? ....ok does anyone follow the exact speed limit? come on. ive never gotten a ticket tho

What terrifies you? a lot of things. small spaces. bugs. heights but only sometimes. losing a loved one. change. im an anxious person ok

Look to your left, what do you see? a wall (these are entertaining answers im serving yall)

What chore do you hate? vacuuming. GOSH I HATE IT. idk why but it pisses me off every time. i think its cause it makes me sweat and like why should i have to SWEAT from vacuuming? its so loud too i can't listen to music while i do it

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? g’day mate

What’s your favourite soda? coke zero or dr pepper

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru unless the drive-thru is too long and then it defeats the purpose of going for fast food so i go in

Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

Favourite cut of beef? i dont eat red meat :P

Last song you listened to? holding on and letting go - ross copperman (tvd forever)

Last book you read? my major is reading heavy and my minor (history) is even more reading heavy. i had a history class this semester where i had to read 6 books in their entirety so that's the last thing i read. i havent read for fun since i started college lol. but i do still read fanfic and that counts

Favourite day of the week? friday. its the anticipation of the weekend without the disappointment of the weekend

Can you say the alphabet backwards? lol no

How do you like your coffee? if i make it myself i like it with creamer and splenda. if i get it out i like sugar free vanilla lattes with nonfat milk (yes im a basic bitch I KNOW. i also take a sip and if it tastes wrong i go ‘um excuse me is this the nOn FaT MiLk’ like im literally that bitch)

Favourite pair of shoes? aesthetically ive got some bomb heels but i havent had the occasion to wear those in a long time

The time you normally go to bed? before all this 11-1. now idk time is just a construct

The time you normally get up? ..before all this 8/9 depending on what time my class was. now i force myself to get up around 9/10. i dont naturally wake up. if i dont set an alarm i will sleep until 1pm

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? i like both but i havent seen many sunrises bc i dont wake up. so sunset

How many blankets on your bed? twooo

Describe your kitchen plates: the ones at my parents house are just plain white and the ones in my apartment are plain green. wow im plain.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? so ya girl just turned 21 !!!! and no, im not a big fan. it all tastes like cough syrup. help.

Do you play cards?. my family does sometimes. i think its boring

What colour is your car? dark grey. her name is the black pearl. shes not black tho....

Can you change a tire? no but ive never tried

Your favourite province? ok this question is gonna show my ignorant american side and i dont want it to soooo

Favourite job you’ve ever had? i used to work at this place that did mommy and me music classes. i taught the one that was a drop off class called school skills so it was like k5 for 3-4 yrs old

How did you get your biggest scar? i dont have many scars. i have one above my eye from falling backwards into a rocking chair lol

What did you do today that made someone else happy? i dont know, honestly. i feel like im barely interacting with people. i ran errands with my mom and i think that made her happy...but she was in a bad mood so hard to tell lolol

anyway, this was fun and now im not thinking about that show. crap now im thinking about it. UGH.

tagging: @hpfangirl13 @amazalina @dorisquinn @rebel-belles @vivianelynne20 @modernlifehistorian (i know you're there) @sherlolly-siya @fromiftowhen

#tag game

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theflowersofdoom · 6 years ago

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gonna talk about my spooky side account lore bc its unabashedly my favorite

sam and his sibling max lost their parents to to the bringer when they were really young. they were freed from terror mountain when the hannah thing went down. sam had trouble adjusting and stayed in terror mountain for awhile while max eagerly went out into world. the two kept in constant contact, until max suddenly stopped replying after he traveled to the haunted woods. sam decided to leave for the haunted woods to look for his sibling, and had a pretty terrifying time of it until he met lonnie

lonnie is a ne’er-do-well grave robber squatting in an abandoned house in the middle of the haunted woods. he found a very afraid and confused sam stumbling around and took him in with the intention of using him to help in illegal activities. sam, being cut off form the world for 10000 yrs and being generally too trusting, enthusiastically goes along with him. the two run around causing trouble and eventually lonnie finds himself actually CARING about this sweet bori

paix was born to a terrestrial aisha and alien aisha couple and was raised exclusively on the virupets space station. her childhood had a backdrop of constant and oppressive paranoia of sloth. her family had several connections with the resistance and as a result knew several ppl who either disappeared or were seriously negatively effected by the sloth empire. she even lived through the sloth takeover of virtupets, which while thankfully was relatively uneventful on the part of the station her family lived in, it was still pretty terrifying for 10-or-smth yr old. while all this died down when paix grow up to adult, her parents were still very protective, not allowing paix or her little sister to travel unsupervised and helicoptered pretty bad. paix prided her self in being very level headed, but then one of her only friends disappeared while tracking down a sloth aligned organization and is presumed dead, paix is absolutely devastated, and in the months following his disappearance she quietly takes a small, former resistance ship from a family friend. she intended on flying it to neo central and parking it somewhere visible where the authorities would find it and return it with her apology note sitting in the seat of the cockpit, meanwhile shes in faerieland or mystery island, she doesnt know where just anywhere she’ll figure it out when she gets there.

what ACTUALLY happened was a little more dramatic than she intended

paix initially and rightfully doesnt trust lonnie much, but he IS nice enough to let her stay at his house after she crashed into his back yard (is this even his house? i looks like its been run down for a while). sam was amazed in meeting a real alien and paix liked him well enough, hes a very kind guy, but still the whole situation was suspect

she probably wouldnt have stayed for long if lonnie hadnt up and died on them

paix suspected murder, from what sam says lonnie wasnt the most liked person around, but its not like theres any laws this is the haunted woods. as far as sam knows lonnie doesnt have any family, he thinks once there was a sister mentioned but he didnt even get a first name. the only family sam had left was a missing sibling he had been trying to find for a year now. so paix helps sam bury him in the back yard

paix takes on a lot of the responsibilities, like get food and telling people that lonnie is in fact dead, he wont be bothering you anymore. she even starts helping sam in his attempts to track down his sibling (shes not super optimistic but its not like shes going to tell sam that).

at first paix thinks that sam is just very, VERY upset. he hasnt been very tired and acting a little strange, but his friend just died in front of him, its not like she has any room to judge. but as time goes on, things seem increasingly off. theres breif moments where sam seems to be his old self, but more and more he seems confused. paix finds him standing in the middle of the hall, staring at the wall. theres times where sam doesnt remember where hes been or what he was doing just moments ago. paix goes to the attic to get sam, finding no one, only to remember that sam is asleep in the in the living room, and when she goes back down staris of course hes still there, passed out on the couch like he has been all day, why was she so sure there was someone in the attic

when it becomes clear that lonnies been possessing sam, paix has a weird mix of terror and relief, though its drowned out by how PISSED she is at lonnie. she yells at him in portuguese for WHILE before he explains that he really wasnt trying to hurt sam or steal his body or anything else paix is accusing him of, hes been trapped in the ghost zone since he died and nothing he did could get their attention (he had gotten SO CLOSE with paix, she seemed to almost hear him. paix remembers all the times she felt she was being watch or heard someone screaming and just shrugged it off as a side effect of the haunted woods)

paix could absolutely kill him AGAIN when he goes on to explain that hes now stuck in sams body. she begrudgingly agrees to help lonnie not be stuck, using a ritual from one of the weird creepy books littered around the house. it works and paix is incredibly relieved to find that sam is alright, but then immediately un-relieved to feel someone standing behind her and turned around to find lonnies spooky ghost standing there, menacingly

the tension was immediately broken as sam scrambled up screaming YOURE ALIVE and attempting to tackle-hug lonnie only to go through him and crash into the wall

and after paix gives lonnie a peice of her mind and lonnie profusely apologizes to both her and sam, things fall back into normality. paix and sam have found ways to make a living without doing anything illegal. lonnie is somewhat weirder as a ghost, hes taken a liking to scaring the heck out of ppl and is back to being a menace, but he seems to be more sincere with sam and paix at least

zaf generally doesnt like photos, meko probably caught them by surprise

zaf was a unfortunate victim of one of the many sloth-aligned splinter groups, and while they have made an amazing recovery, they remember nothing before waking up in the hospital. they were told that they had been kidnapped and eventually were found and taken in by authorities before being treated and successfully reverted to the physiology of an average mutant kacheek. zaf knows theres more to the story that authorities and their friends arent telling them, and has vague memories, but zaf isnt sure if they want to remember them. they were told by their friends that they had been a zafara before, that they were kind and generous and everyone was devastated when they went missing. zaf, surrounded by people that they cant remember, felt incredibly guilty. they hear stories about themself that they cant remember or even relate to. they ask for descriptions of themself that dont feel like them, least not anymore. zaf looks at pictures of this person that doesnt even look like them, and they cant help but feel like that person isnt here anymore.

zaf distances themself and eventually leaves neo central, taking a job at a hotel in the haunted woods. they have trouble finding a place to stay, and on their way to look at yet another apartment, they mistakenly knock on the door of a spotted bori who has THE friendliest face theyve seen since they moved to the woods

the two talk until its dark out and sam insists they stay the night bc its not safe to be out are you kidding me its the haunted woods. paix, given her past, is suspicious before zaf mentions what happened to them and she straight up offers for them to stay indefinitely (good thing too bc sam was pretty confident the place they had been on their way to see was a scheme to murder people, which seemed way more alarming to zaf than it did sam)

it takes 3 days for zaf to meet lonnie bc hes busy being an ass, slamming doors and leaving creepy messages in the mirror, culminating into jump-scaring zaf in the hallway at 3 in the morning. paix had tried to warn them but its still a spooky ghost in your apartment. sam mentioned that lonnies body was buried in the back yard and zaf looked like they were about to cry. just two sweet kids living in a dilapidated old house thats haunted by their dead friend, whose body they had bury in the back

zaf seems to be the only one concerned about the skulls in the living room, and the strange books, all of which, at least the ones zaf can make sense of, contain what appears to be spells. they mentioned where they lived to their boss and some coworkers and all hell broke loose and zaf had to leave the premises. paix apologized and said that lonnie had a reputation with the hotel staff and it kind of extended to everyone esle in the house. lonnie zipped through the ceiling and stated that they had ALWAYS had it out for him even BEFORE he stole that golf cart and the two start up another argument and the initial point is lost.

but even months afterward, zaf cant forget the the moment of panic in their former boss’s eyes when they mentioned the house

mini is a witch living in the woods. sam and the gang think shes their neighbor, but no one is really sure where she lives. she comes by the house every now and then. sam, paix, and zaf have invited her in but always stated that she cant come in. has started to come around more frequently after zaf showed her one of the book they had found, wondering if she could make any sense of it. usually cryptic mini straight up said it was incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. the two have since working through the books to see if any of more of them had spell theorems that could ‘potentially warp the fabric of reality’ as mini had put it

#here take my neopets novel #i was gonna draw little portraits but im gay

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abitofafatass · 3 years ago

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11-17-14 Grif and Kaikaina ( @bluegrif) (hsau)

Abitofafatass asked: ((brother/sister angst ahoy!)) What did you do?

abitofafatass

My muse visits yours in hospital.

“Grif?” Kai asked, leaning in the door. She wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but once she heard her brother was in hospital, Kai hauled ass. What did she do? More like what did he do? It was Simmons- she thinks- that told her that Grif was in hospital, but she doesn’t remember. Kai sat down and stared, confused and emotional. “What the fuck, Grif?”

Grif had a rather sour look on his face, and had one leg propped up in a cast. “I didn’t do anything. Some dickhole thought it was going to be funny to loosen the front tire of my bike before we started riding them.” But that didn’t seem to be the only reason he was here. They didn’t hook that many machines up to someone with only a broken leg. Also, he’d already been here a night. Didn’t they normally send people home once the cast was on?

She tried to put her hands on her hip, bumping her elbows an casually moving them back, her point failed. “Okay, but did you like, make him?” Kai tried. “Did you fuck with his shit first?” She leaned back, taking it in. “Can I draw on your cast when we get home? Cause, you’re all patched up, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” She paused. “Wait, when are you coming home? I don’t see a release date…”

“No I didnt make him! I guess he thought it was a joke or something. Or maybe he was trying to get brownie points with Sarge…” Grif shrugged, and then bit his lip. “Well… I might not be getting out of here for a while, Sis. Turns out that my kidneys suck major cock, so… Gonna have to wait for a transplant…” In a way, it had been kind of a happy accident. Having to go to the hospital caught the problem before it started to actually get really bad. But that also put him at a low priority on the transplant list.

She frowned. “Awww, Grif! Why don’t you look after yourself? I mean… you look after me…” That deepened the frown. Since their mother fucked off, he had taken good care of her, and it was kinda upsetting that he hadn’t done the same for himself. “How many do you need?”

“Like, one working one.” He shrugged, “I guess they’ll see if you’re a match since we’re siblings, but it’ll suck since then you’ll only have one, and shit.” He leaned over to pull her into a hug, “Dont worry, ok Sis? It’ll be fine.”

“Just one?” She asked, practically squeezing her brother. “I mean, we only need one, right? Each, So I guess you could have mine. If it fits.”

He laughed, “It doesnt quite work like that, but yeah, thats the idea.” Grif rubbed her back comfortingly. “You gonna be ok at home by yourself?”

“Pfft, obviously. I’ll be fine, we have plenty of frozen shit. And it doesn’t take a genius to work the oven, right? I mean you do it every night.”

“Just dont forget about the food in there. And if the smoke alarm goes off, dont just unplug it because its annoying.” Grif was going to need to make a list of everything she needed to watch for, now that he thought about it. “Maybe I should just have someone stay with you.”

“Ew. No. You’ll pick Sarge or Simmons.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can be fine at home. Trust me. I swear I won��t have any wild parties again. At all. Not even a little one.”

“Like fuck I’m letting Sarge in my house.” Grif shook his head, mimicking her distaste. “Whats wrong with Simmons? Sure, he’ll make you healthy food, and try and make you do your homework… Actually, Simmons wouldnt be a bad idea.”

“No, no. He’s really dorky. No.” She pouted. No way was she letting Simmons in the house without Grif. He’d rearrange everything. Alphabetically. “Oh hell no. If Anyone, Make it Tucker, or Donut!”

He gave her a long look, “No. If I let Donut stay with you, I’d come home to a redecorated house by Martha Stuart or some shit. And if I let Tucker stay… Its best if you two arent even in the same room alone.”

“-But Simmons is your friend, and he’s not even the hottest.” She pouted. Okay, maybe Donut would take house sitting a little too seriously. And Tucker… Well, she wasn’t that smart, be she knew what her brother was getting at. Fucking like rabbits. It wasn’t even surprising. “Well, What about Church? He’s not really that good-looking, and he’s boring as shit? Or Caboose..?”

“Ok, maybe Church or Doc,” Grif conceded. Having Caboose over would be like the blind leading the blind. “Church is kind of a prick, and probably wont do that much, but I think he’ll manage to keep you out of too much trouble, and make sure the bills get paid on time.” He tucked a bit of hair that had gotten in Kaikaina’s face behind her ear and smiled. “Hopefully it wont take too long before I’m back home.”

“No way! Not Doc.” She retorts. “I don’t him doing all that pilates shit, or eat organic stuff. Gross.” She sighed. “fine. Church or Simmons.” A moment later, she gave a small smile. “You better get better soon, you know.”

Grif nodded, “Of course I will. And I’ll see if Simmons can stay with you soon. It might take a little convincing to get Church to do anything.” Now that that was settled, he leaned back in his hospital bed and relaxed. “So, how was school?”

“It sucks dicks.” She replied. “You won’t believe this, but they kicked me off the cheerleading squad again.”

“Really?” He heaved a huge sigh, “What happened this time?” How many times did this make? He couldnt remember.

“It’s the third, or the fourth. I can remember, but they were really bitchy.” The was an aggravated sigh. “Oh well, I guess I’ll just join the nerd club or something.”

He gave her a long look, “I’m sure there’s other clubs you can join. I don’t think the nerd club is ready for your type of awesome.” Or ready for a girl to be in their midst at all, really.

“No.. But I’ll be bored sitting at home.” She replied. “I mean I could invite people over, but Simmons will have an aneurism or something.”

“Simmons has an aneurysm every four minutes anyways.” Grif shrugged. “No wild parties. Dont do anything that would get you in a hospital bed, or the clinic.” She knew what he meant.

“Really? Maybe he should be in hospital too!” Kai gave a sigh. Crossing her fingers. “Fine. No parties. And no… Other stuff… Not like Simmons will let me anyway.” The last part grumbled.

That made him laugh, “I don’t think Simmons gets the whole talking to girls thing. He’d probably faint if you were just walking around in a bikini.” Besides, he was pretty sure that Simmons wasnt as straight as he made it seem (no he was not just hoping for his own sake).

“No shit. But It’ll be funny, so I’ll record it and take it in to show you. Maybe it’ll help your fucked up kidneys. Or made you giggle… And you totally know which one I’m talking about..”

He grinned and nodded, “Just make sure you dont kill the poor asshole. He may be a nerd, but… he’s not the worst guy in the world.” Grif felt bad for Simmons, almost. But what were friends for if not to take care of promiscuous younger siblings?

Kai wouldn’t be that bad. Not enough to kill him, obviously, because she didn’t want to go to prison. BUt that wasn’t the point, he seemed okay, but he was kinda a stickler for rules. And Kai, if not anything else, was one for breaking them. “Sure. No murder. Totally got it.”

“Good.” he nodded, and pulled her close for a hug again. That should take care of just about everything, he thought. “Sooo…” Grif started, “Anything, or anyone new in your life?” He may be taking care of her, but he was also her nosy older brother.

She raised a brow. “You wanna talk about boys?” That was new..

“Why not? Its not like I have anything better to be doing.” He was purposefully ignoring the stack of binders Simmons had left him that contained school work that he was going to miss.

“Awesome.” She replies, grabbing a marker and taking it to the cast. “Well, you know about Tucker. I mean that guy isn’t the worst I’ve had - You remember that last one right?” Kai spoke loudly, working with the pen.

“You mean the one I told you was bad news, but you said he had a cute ass so it didnt matter?” He couldnt see what she was drawing from here. At least he could trust her to not draw too many dicks.

“Yeah, him! He was kinda cute. I suppose Tucker is better. Well, he seems kinda desperate, but it’s cool. He’s nice really.” She nods, writing ‘Kai was here.’ In block caps.

“As much as it pains me to say it, Tucker is the better option of the two of them,” and that really was difficult to say. At least he was sort of friends with Tucker.

“Yeah. I think that guy does hard drugs now.” She smiled, finishing up a drawing of a smiley-faced dick with a hat.

“Yeah… I think now would be the time that I say stay the fuck away from that.” Grif nodded, craning to see what she was drawing. “Awesome. That looks absolutely awesome.”

“Thanks! I called it Simmons… Cause his name is Dick, right?” She grinned. “But yeah. Not cool. Not hot.”

Grif snorted, and leaned forward to give her a high five. “Nice one! And nice choice. You usually dont get over someone like that this fast. Could it by my baby sister is finally growing up?”

She slapped his hand and grinned. “Ain’t I just?… And I’m not a baby. You’re like…. Only some years older than me. But Yeah. And that means I don’t have to be baby sat, right?” Truth be told she wouldn’t mind an extra person wandering around the house whilst Grif was gone.

“I’m still gonna ask someone to stay with you, just because I know otherwise the bills wont get paid, and then you’re going to complain that you dont have any lights. Or food because the fridge would be broken.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know..” She pretended to pout. “Suppose it could be awesome for you to come home to a place tidy and that.”

“I think it’s going to have to be when I get those transplants done anyways…” Grif shrugged.

“Still, that’s plenty of time for him to clean up the whole entire house.” She grinned before adding. “-And I bet he will.”

He laughed, “He’ll clean and actually like doing it. Why do you think I suggested he stay with you?”

“Yeeahh. But Donut likes that shit too. And he’s not as… Obsessive. ”

“Yes and no. Donut may not be as big a neat freak, but I bet you anything he’ll want to redecorate, and paint and shit. Be a lot more work in the long run.”

“As long as its him working, why would you care….” She paused. Donut seemed to favour ‘lightish-red.’ “Okay, fair point.”

“Yeah…” he nodded, “I know it wouldnt make much difference to you, but I do not want to come home to a pink house.”

“What, why?! You’re hurt. Why do I still have to do homework?”

Grif gave the stack of binders on his bedside table a sour look. They seemed to be multiplying already. “I dont get out of classwork either, you know. Some dickhead thought that he was helping by getting the work I’ll miss.”

“…Is it the same dick that’s on your leg…” Kai asked, he would get it. “I don’t wanna. Maybe I can talk Simmons into doing it all too.”

“Kaiii,” he whined, “You cant do that when that’s what I was gonna try to do! I’m the sick one here! And yes, its the dick on my leg.”

“Well, we can both do it. He can practice with mine, then do yours afterwards. See, easy? How else was I gonna pass Algebra?”

“I don’t think Simmons is going to think like that. I think he’s going to think this is the perfect opportunity to tutor you.” He smiled, “I think its kind of a good idea.”

“Urgh… Don’t go all ‘Mother bird’ on me, Bro. Not cool.” Kai shook her head. “When do I get tested?”

Grif just laughed, “I’m still your big brother, no matter how cool I am.” Then he grew a little more serious. “I’ll make an appointment for you this weekend so you dont miss anything for school. Or anything else important.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a dork, you know that?” OKay, so maybe it was probably better that she stay in school. Simmons would be too, and if she stayed home, there probably won’t be anyone there, unless she convinced Tucker to bunk off. “Okay, fine..”

Grif smiled and gave his sister’s hand a squeeze, “Thanks for being willing to go through that for me Kai. Even if we’re not a match, it means a lot to me. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You big dork. Ditto.” Kai gave a smile, and nudged her brother with her shoulder. “I mean you would do it for me.. Though mine are probably healthier…”

“Probably.” He agreed. “I dont want this to be you in the hospital bed for the same reason a few years down the road, ok? Dont do whatever it was that turns kidneys to shit.”

She frowned. “…What does turn kidney’s to shit? I have no fucking idea… But yeah. I’m not going to bust my body, so it’s all cool.”

“You know… I actually dont know what does that… They said it was genetic, but I dont know if that means that we both have shitting stuff, or what.”

“Nah.. I’ll be fine, Bro. Don’t worry about it, yeah?” Then she sighed. “Trust our mother to fuck us over one last time, I don’t care how cool the circus is, that’s fucking mean.”

Grif bit his lip, and shook his head, “… She had to go follow her dreams man. Where else is she going to be able to show off those wonderful talents of hers?”

“Yeah, I know.” She agreed reluctantly. “I mean who else can be fa,t and bearded, and a woman all at the same time? I don’t think I can..”

“I wouldnt want you to try, either.” Grif laughed. “It seems like it’d be fucking difficult, doesnt it?”

#v: seven periods of nap and lunch #bluegrif #archival footage #jesus i had no idea this thread was that long lakdjflks

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beautyindisguise00 · 4 years ago

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First depressing/emotional event in your life?

Sunday evening October 11, 2020 @5:23PM

The very firsts......:

Who was your first kiss?: my boyfriend

What was your first word?: dont remember. haha When and where did you first learn about sex?: probably the basic stuff as a freshman in high school from what i could remember. i was so innocent and clueless that i thought that making out was considered sex. hahaha but i learned the details as a senior in high school from reading stupid fanfic then did my own research. hahahahaha

If a girl, when was your first period?: seventh grade during spring break

If a boy, when was your first erection?:

Who was your first celebrity crush?: zac efron as troy from high school musical. haha

How did you and your #1 meet?: i met him at church camp that both our churches attended every summer.

First depressing/emotional event in your life?: during the beginning months of my senior year in high school i had very high hopes and expectations of how my senior year was going to be. i was gonna have a boyfriend to spend and celebrate my senior year with, i was going to attend all my senior events, and have so many hangouts with my friends. but then i realized that i was not attracting the right kind of guys. i had many friends and was in so many friend groups but i did not have a close group of friends because all my friends had their own close groups while i was hopping from one group to another cause i was just so “friendly” with everyone. i did not have a good relationship with my sister. we fought all the time. i started to doubt myself that i wasnt good enough. i wasn’t pretty enough. i was where i wanted to be and i wasnt who i wanted to be. i couldn’t sleep because my mind would evaluate my life and i would be reminded of how i suck and how my life sucked. then i let go of my relationship with God which was the last straw. from then on i barely slept, i went through the motions with everything. i yelled at everyone. i talked crap about everyone. i didnt feel anything for a long time. i wanted to be alone and i wanted to be in the dark. wow, what a crazy time but i’ve learned so much from that.

What band was your first favorite?: one direction. haha. i remember i didnt want to like them at first because they were british (well most of them), but then i fell in love with liam payne the rest of the boys. still a big fan today!

The last things you happened to do:

Where did your last kiss take place?: outside of my boyfriend’s uncle’s house by my car before i was going to take off after lunch

What was the last thing you threw in the garbage?: clorax wipe.

When was the last time you washed your face?: this morning when i woke up

Are you and your best friend better off as lovers?: nah, we’re great as besties

Do you only want the best wishes for your ex?: of course

Have you ever really worn a little black dress?: yesss. that night at the club was a night to remember! hahaha

What's the color of the hair on your arms?: black

What do you think when someone tells you to "be classy"?: no one has told me to “be classy” but i’ve been told “oh, you’re so classy”

What do you think of when you hear the word "pussy"?: depends on the content of which they are using it and if they’re being respectful and mature, if not, then im no longer listening to you

Quick, what's the first word that comes to mind when i say "curly"?: hair

Have you ever literally had the breath knocked out of you?: yes. just my cheerleading days when we would stunt

What are you gonna do tomorrow?: go to work

When does school start for you (if still in school)?:

Did you ever think about dropping out of school?: i have for a little bit when i was in college when things got tough but then i thought about my parents and just wanted to make them proud

Do you like sausage?: i like certain sausages only

Or tacos? :P: loooove tacos

How's your hair right now?: half of it is clipped up

What would you do if a zombie wandered into the room you're in right now?: uhm, i’d fight it hoping to run out. if not, im screwed.

What would you do if your best friend punched you in the liver?: lay on the ground trying to recover then ask what the heck?!

Do you pass gas a lot?: sometimes. haha and they’re usually silent ones

Or are you more of a burper?: mhm, no, not really

Do you secretly like the smell of your own farts? lol: nope

If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?: sushi! like really good sushi!

Do you have an alarm clock?: yes. my phone and an actual alarm clock for when my phone doesnt charge at night

If so, what does it play when it wakes you up?: my actual alarm clock just lights up and beeps.

I gotta ask, what's your fave song at the moment?: as of recent: i love you boy by bae suzy. hahahaha

Look at your feet. What do you see?: my white painted toe nails

How about smell? nothing right now

#beautyindisguise00 #gettoknowme #q&A #survey #questionnaire

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jinyoungs-hipsdontlie · 7 years ago

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a letter to you, jonghyun.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been hesitating and reconsidering alot regarding this but i felt the need to do it so here goes.

This is going to be my last farewell letter to Jonghyun. This is where i’m going to spill all my thoughts out on everything that has happened, in order for me to finally let go and heal from this situation. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but i guess i really need to let it all out.

I want to finally move on from this. I want to get back to my usual self. It’s been terribly exhausting for me lately; emotionally, mentally and even physically.

And no, this is not the last time i will post about Jonghyun. But this would be the final one filled with sadness and grief. After this, i want to only post bright and happy memories of him, just like how i want to remember him forever.

NOTE: It’s going to be EXTREMELY long (2800+ words i never knew i had to express) and kinda triggering so i put it under keep reading. Please ignore and scroll past this post if you know you might be triggered. I really dont want any of you guys to hurt more than you already have.

[death tw] [suicide tw] [suicidal ideation tw] [depression tw]

. . .

And now i think, it’s time.

It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus.

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace. ——————————–

Sigh.

Where do i even begin.

This is so hard.

…It still hurts. Everything hurts.

Hearing that you took your own life broke me. Death, especially of a loved one, has always been my biggest fear in life. I lost a schoolmate back in September 2012 through suicide. And just last year in November 2016, i lost my aunt to suicide. And 5 days ago, 18th December 2017, i lost you, my first ever idol through the same horrid way. And that’s part of the reason why i think, that i felt the news of you leaving the world hit so close to home for me personally.

It opened up old wounds for me, and i thought that this time, instead of keeping strong and playing a facade, im going to let myself feel, to grieve and mourn and then recover. When i lost my aunt last year, i wasn’t able to grieve much. Because i had to stay strong for my mother who had just lost her beloved sister. I couldnt just stand and cry, i had to hold my mom’s arm and support her to walk during the funeral and prayers. So this time, i did not lie to myself that i was okay, because i wasnt at all.

The first 3 days. I havent been able to eat, just water and barely a few spoons of rice each day… eating so that i wouldn’t make my family worried about me. I havent been able to sleep well, just a few hours each day, because the image of you appears before me whenever i close my eyes. I couldnt even watch your videos or listen to your voice as it hurt too much. I couldn’t believe you were gone. I feel so lost, so empty, literally on autopilot mode.

But no, i’m not blaming you for taking your own life. I’m not angry at you, i’m not disappointed in you, i really have no negative feelings towards you. Because i know, that what im suffering now… is the tiniest fraction of how much you have. For how long you have been in pain and how much you hurt, i’m so sorry.

I’m sorry that you had to go through all this. I’m sorry you felt so alone even though you’ve been practically screaming it out to us. I’m sorry that the world was not your fate. I’m sorry for everything.

It pains me so much, to know that you had everything planned out. You, suffering in the dark, still continued being the kindest person through it. You had waited for your member’s birthdays to be over, you waited until your solo concert series was over, you left a meaningful song for us fans… to cope with the loss of a loved one, knowing fully well that we would need it after hearing the news of your death. You left a note for your loved ones, you even messaged your beloved sister before it all. You have always been so kind.

Reading that letter you left us, it broke me so much. I cant even find words to describe it because i never ever thought you have been in so much despair. I don’t advocate suicide or taking the life of ownself, but as your long time fan, i respect your decision. All i can say is, you did so well Jonghyun. It is indeed commendable that you made it this far, and you really did go through alot.

I can’t help but feel so sorry even though i know that there’s nothing i could have done. It just hurts to know it was so bad, so bad that you had to end it yourself since it was too much for you to handle. I cant imagine the feelings that went through you that day, when you knew you were going to take your life. Did you eat your favourite meal knowing it’d be your last? Were you crying or just all numb? I tried to tell myself not to think so much about you on that day, but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking.

Sigh.

The first three days was a nightmare. That monday evening, i cried so much. The initial shock and sorrow was too hard to handle. The news crashed down on me so hard.

On the 19th, i remember breaking down when i came home after class. I broke down bad, crying so terribly hard.

On the 20th, I attended a vigil that we had for you here in Singapore. It was one of the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

I tried to be strong, but seeing the other shawols at the florist also buying roses for you, i broke down. We all did. It was so heartbreaking. I had to fight so hard make sure i didn’t cry on the train as i made my way to the venue.

I think the only way i could describe the vigil; bittersweet. Approx a thousand people came, of all ages, to pay our last respects to you in our own way. The lightsticks, the flowers, the letters, the shawols who relied on each other and grieved together. It was all so beautiful, but it hurt so much.

I teared up when i was already in the queue. I held the lightstick and letters in one hand, and a red rose in the other. As i got closer, i brought the rose close to my nose. I took a deep breath, five times. Each time after i say a prayer for every member of SHINee. First you, then the rest by age order.

My walls finally broke, after i placed my flower near the picture of you and said a prayer. It was so hard. I couldnt stop the tears. And to the little angels over there who gave out tissues fo all of us who broke down, and giving free hugs to anyone in need, thank you. I cried in my sister’s arms. I’m not one who shows my tears infront of people i love, but this time i couldnt keep the strong facade. I had to let it all out.

Shortly after, we all gathered close, and sang the chrous of your debut song, Replay. I tried to keep my voice stable, but i couldnt help the falter at the end. Also, like what you wanted and what you deserved to hear, we all told you ‘수고했어요 - You did well’ in unison. I couldn’t help but break down again at that. It was really so difficult to face reality, but that vigil had brought me the slightest bit of acceptance. Im thankful for my chance to attend it.

And then Thursday.

21.12.17, you were finally laid to rest. With all your loved ones by your side, i hope those last moments were not lonely for you. You are so loved Jonghyun, you really are.

I woke up that morning trembling for some reason. I checked my phone, and saw that none of my alarms had rung. Puzzled why i woke up so early, i looked at the time. And realized that it was just 10 minutes before your funeral procession.

I had to be in class in an hour and i knew i couldnt bear to see or hear anything about your funeral so i immediately uninstalled Facebook and Twitter. But when i came home that afternoon, i told myself, that i should just see the pictures/watch the procession. Not to see everyone mourning or what so ever, but for the sake of closure. For acceptance. I think i needed it.

And so i did. And god, how much i cried. It broke me so much, i shook terribly while sobbing. It was the worst thing i have seen, every single second pained me. That was not the image i had when i said i wanted to see SHINEE has five again. What’s worse, Kibum’s letter to you was uploaded 10 minutes later. And damn, cue the tears again. He’s so strong and he really loves you so much, Jonghyun.

After crying for longer than i’d like to admit, i drank a glass of water and stared up to the sky. I gave a final prayer to you, for you to rest in peace.

A few hours later, strangely, i felt calmer. For the first time since your passing, i felt like i could feel you were finally in peace up there. I really hope you are. That evening, i managed to eat my first proper meal in 3 days. I guess i’m finally accepting it.

And yesterday.

I woke up and even though it hurt, i told myself i have to move on. I still couldnt eat properly and skipped meals but i managed to eat dinner? And even though i was still pretty empty and lost, i agreed to watch a movie with my sister at the cinema. I was reminded of you throughout and i did feel pangs of sadness, but i could still enjoy it slightly.

And last night, i managed to watch a video of you singing. I’ve seen it on my tumblr dash a few times and so i told myself to watch and listen to your voice again, instead of scrolling past. It was that video of you singing ‘This Woman’s Work’. Oh how much have i missed your voice! I would be lying if i said i didn’t cry, but i pulled through and watched til the end. The way you sang with all your heart, so beautiful, that’s the Jonghyun i have always loved.

Then after, I listened to your song, ‘End of a day’. I already knew my dams would break with this one so i got my tissues ready. And cried hard did i. But i was able to listen to the end, paying so much attention once again to the tones of your voice and how beautiful it is.

I don’t know how but somehow after listening to your voice, even though i cried through it, i felt much calmer and stronger. Sigh… look at you, even in heaven you’re still comforting me with your beautiful voice. An angel you really are. And last night after all that, for the first time this entire week, i managed to sleep well. For 10 hours straight. Call it wishful thinking, but im pretty sure it’s because i finally listened to your voice again. That calming voice which i love.

And today, a Saturday, i woke up to Jinki’s letter. Look at him, the world’s greatest leader. Even in all this chaos, he’s still so strong and reliable. He loves you so much, Jonghyun. And so does all your members.

I was also able to eat 2 full meals today. I drank more water than i had for each of the past 5 days. I also watched funny videos of you, Jonghyun. I washed my hair, did my usual skincare routine which i paused since Monday. And now, here i am, about to sleep, with a facial mask to use once i post this.

I think i’m coping better these days.

Jonghyun, i’m doing well right? Please tell me i’m doing well too. Please continue to give me strength and happiness from up above, to help me move on and be myself again, and even in the future. Please be my guiding angel, like what you’ve been for the last 8 years to me.

You’ve changed the colour of the moon and lamps to our favourite pearlescent aqua, you’ve given us so many signs that you’ve made it to heaven and the skies this past week, thank you for reassuring us fans that you’re doing well up there. Please look after us from above; most importantly, your mother, sister, the members, your friends and loved ones.

…..

I just want to let you know again, that becoming a fan of SHINee and even more, a fan of you, Jonghyun, is still and will forever be one of the best decisions i have ever made.

Do you remember that time i first heard SHINee? I saw a group of students performing Ring Ding Dong at a school event and thought it was great so i went to check it out.

Do you remember the time you made me smile and laugh so hard during Hello Baby? I watched the entire thing in 2 days on Youtube, it’ll always be my favourite, i can never forget you and your skinship with baby Yoogeunie.

Do you remember how i was so proud when you released your first solo album? It was amazing!

Do you remember how much happy tears i cried along with you and the boys when SHINee won Best Artist of the Year at Melon Music Awards in 2013? My heart was bursting with pride!

Do you remember how i went to Seoul in October 2015 and September 2017 and took a picture/selfie next to every standee or advertisement of yours i saw? I didn’t care if i looked weird or funny cos as a fan, that was a golden moment as i never was able to get that close to you.

And of course, do you remember how ecstatic i was when i heard SHINee was coming to Singapore for Music Bank in August and Shilla Duty Free Beauty Concert in November? Who cares how overpriced the tickets were… I was the happiest person when i got them!

Watching you perform and listening to your beautiful voice live not once but twice, is one of my happiest moments in life, and it will forever be.

…sigh… it sucks when reality hits me and i realize that i won’t be able to see you again, well not in this lifetime at least. But i can assure you, Jjong, that i will never ever forget you.

You may not be in the same form as me, but know that you are everywhere with me. In my heart, in my mind, in my music albums, in my phone’s gallery, in my old study notes that i scribbled your name, in my keychain hung on my bag, in my pearlescent aqua coloured portable charger and sweater, and ofcourse, in my beloved SHINee lightstick.

I love you and i won’t forget you.

…Before i conclude, i want to say thank you.

Thank you for being my first ever idol and my first love.

Thank you for making me smile and laugh til i cry.

Thank you for composing and writing such beautiful songs, your music as SHINee and as a solo artist has given me immense strength and happiness and comfort all these years.

Thank you for being an amazing role model, your actions/thoughts/words have inspired me to be a better person.

Thank you for being so strong all these years, and trying your best to fight the negativity.

Thank you for being the best son and the best brother to your mother and sister, your adoration and love for them are the sweetest thing ever.

Thank you for being the kindest, most loving and the most supportive brother to Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin; your love for them and their love for you have shown me what true friendship and family is.

Thank you for everything, Jonghyun.

And now i think, it’s time. It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus.

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace.

#personal #jonghyun #shinee #you did well #rest well my dear #i will always love you jonghyun

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mrsdimebrona · 5 years ago

Text

Dimes: Chapter2: Gang Fights

Janie's POV

I heard my alarm go off and I groaned. I turn it off and sit up.I get up and get ready.Another boring day is here.I grab my cigarettes and put them in my bag and head down stairs.

"You wanna do what know?!"Jane asked."I said I'm joining the gang!"I said,Yelling at Jane to stop trying to stop me."No!There is no way in hell you are doing that!"Jane said.She smacked me and I stared at her in shock. I had always wanted to join the gang that was at my school,but my fear was that I was to weak. And I wasn't fearing that because I was a girl,but I feared that because I'm emotionally weak.It caused me to get into many fights,I skipped a few classes and school days, and I still do.I had punched Jane and ran out the door,I ran to a "Friend's" house.He was the leader of the Gang,His name was Ningyo Satchien.He had black hair and pale skin,His eyes were black or dark grey,It was hard to tell at the time.

I knocked on his door. When there was no reply, I took the key from above the door.I unlocked the door and went in.I knew someone was home,And I knew it had to be Ningyo or his brother.

I went into Ningyo's room and sure enough,He was there,He was shirtless, but that didn't matter."Ningyo..!"I said,And Ningyo jumped and looked at me. He quickly put his shirt and Jacket on and I rolled my eyes. He had blushed slightly."J-Janie,Hey,What brings you here so late?"He asked.

I had told him that night that I wanted to join his gang.He was hesitant at first,but he let me in.

I came home that night with a scar on my arm.Well,Now it's a scar but before it was a cut,a circle with a star in it and an X over it.

That was when I officially apart if the "Scar's"

I laugh a little at the memory. It's something I'll never forget.Jane was not happy when she saw it too,Neither was mom.They ...got over it. At Least,I hope they did!I look at my arm and see the circle with a star and the X. Ningyo called it the "X Mark", the thing is,He is still the leader.

And no,I'm not the only girl in it,nor was I the first girl in it.The first girl in it title belongs to Diana,Diana Death.I know, She has lovely last name.

Anyway,I sit in the back of the car as Janice drives us all to school. I glare at Jane a little then I turn my attention to Lomy.

Despite our age difference and the fact that she's A LOT nicer than me,we get along well.She's a good listener, Maybe she could be a therapist when she's older. She gives good advice, sometimes.

I watch Lomy get out of the car and head into her school doors.How lucky she is to be so young. I hope She doesn't smoke like me.Janice drops the rest of us Off and I head to the back of the school. I see the other delinquents/ gang members. I see the leader, Ningyo there,Diana, Jacob,and Myriad there. Hm, Jeo isn't here,that or he's late.

I get my cigarettes out and take the lighter.I light the cigarette and smoke. "You know smoking kills,right Janie?" Myriad asks."Yeah Yeah,I don't care.It feels good,so Imma continue to do it." I respond. "Anyone know where Jeo is?" Ningyo asks."Never liked him anyways" I say.

"Yeah,Well I don't like you either ,Janie" Jeo says,"Couldn't tell" I say sarcastically. "Janie,Jeo," Ningyo starts,we both shut up and I roll my eyes. "wanna explain why you're late,Jeo"Ningyo asks. "Stupid sister." He answers. Ningyo rolls his eyes and smiles."It's fine,J."

Jeo,Ugh.I hate him.He's so annoying and he thinks he's better than me and everyone else.Well I,Hhh,Okay maybe I don't hate him,I just,You know what?I don't know how I feel about him.

"Alright,Let's head in."Ningyo says and starts walking towards the front doors. I stop smoking and follow him

Once I'm inside the building,I head straight for my first hour. I have math first,then English,then history,civics, lunch,science,art,and lastly,choir. Hey! I didn't sign up for choir! But I HAVE to do it,not like I want to.

Ugh!Okay,I did sign up for it!But only because My Friend Alex is in it!I can't sing,so i just,mess around,okay?! I'm not some choir nerd!So don't think I am!

"Late again Ms.Dime?"My teacher asks as I walk in."At least I showed up, Gay-ya."I say,smirking as I head in my seat. "That's Mrs.Rita to you!And It's pronounced Guy-ya,Spelled G.A.I.Y.A, Janie!"Gaiya says,"You're a Mrs. ?! Damn, I thought you were a Miss!I feel bad to whoever married you!"I say,the class laughs. Gay-ya,Oh sorry,Gaiya looks furious. "UGH!Janie,This is your last warning!"She says,slamming her hands down on my desk,trying to scare me."Hey!That's Jade to you!"I say, mocking her voice tone

The class laughs again and Gaiya has had enough. "Go to the principal's office!"Gaiya says,she writes me a pass too.I snatch it from her hands and leave,before I head out the door I say "Did I offend you?Ha!You can kiss my ass!" After that I walked down the hall,I could hear the class laughing.

I smiled to myself and entered the principal's office. "Hey George." I say and I sit down in a seat. "Janie,back again?What happened this time?Did you cuss out the teacher again?" He asks.

George is Ningyo's father,I'm untouchable.

I tell him everything that happened this morning,I laugh at a few events. He smirks after hearing it.

"Well,unfortunately Janie,I still have to discipline you,so,I have a job for you. There's a gas station down the street,Get me a drink,oh and something for yourself."He says.He hands me 40$ ,I take it and leave,Teleporting to the gas station.

I get him and me a drink,I keep the extra 5.23$.I go back to his office and hand him his drink.

"Here's your pass"He says and hands me a pass back to class,I'm still in math,so I headed back to math.

"Ms.Dime,What are you doing back didn't I-"Gaiya starts but I cut her off. "Mr.Satchien sent me back,Here's my pass"I say as I hand her my pass.She rolls her eyes,clearly unhappy. I sit back in my seat.

About...5 minutes after I sit down It's time to go to my next class. English is my next class.

"Janie Dime?"Ms.Benson called my name for attendance."Here" I said, looking down at my scarred hands.My skin didn't have the mark on it yet.A girl with orange-reddish hair sat beside me. "Hi,I'm Alex Roysen."She said,she had freckles.She had green eyes.I stared at her,admiring her beauty.I snapped into back into realty."Janie.Janie Dime."I said.She smiled at me."It's nice to meet you"She said.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks,"It's nice to meet you too."I said. The teacher was handing out our work,it was the first day of school.Alex was my first friend, my first friend that wasn't a delinquent.

I smiled a little at the memory as I sit down in my seat in English class. Alex was already there,waiting for me."Hey Janie." Alex says, she smiles at me." Hey Alex.How are you?" I ask as I smile back at her."I'm doin' great!You?" She asks.She's wearing that flower crown I gave her." Could be better,could be worse,"I answer.

Alex giggles alittle,She turns her attention to the teacher.

"Alex~" I sang.Alex looked at me, "What is it Janie?"She asked,my hands were behind my back,I had the flower crown in it."Weeelll~, I know how much you like flowers and crowns so ..." I said and showed her the flower crown.She smiled at me and blushed lightly. "I got you this "I finished. She took it and put it on,she twirled around."I love it!"She said. I had smiled,glad that she had liked it.

I tune out the teacher,hiding my smile.I hate how I smile,I just ...think I look so ugly when I smile. I shiver though,man It’s cold in this class. Off-topic but I never liked dressing up,I always thought I looked ugly and when I dressed up,I was the ugly girl TRYING to look pretty.

Off-topic again,but I actually hate the way smoke smells,I know right?I smoke,but I hate the way it smells.I relax when I smoke though,I don’t know why.

I can’t stop thinking about what’s happening today,my gang,the “Scars” are going up against our rival gang, the “Targets”. That’s the thing, Jane, my older sister, is the leader of the Targets. I feel bad but excited at the same time,Ningyo wants ME to fight her!Can you believe that?!I can’t.

I crack my neck, my fingers, my arms, and my back. I see some people wince when they hear it. I smirk. I think about the scars I have. I got MOST of them through fights. Some were accidental, some I did myself, and then there’s the X mark.

Thankfully,It’s time to leave and I leave to history, I sit in a seat in history, unfortunately for me, Jeo’s in this class. I feel the anger in me boil as he sits next to me. If he doesn’t like me,then why does he chose to sit next to me?! I can feel his gaze,I don’t return it.

The teacher hands us our work,and ...as much as I hate doing work, I need a distraction. I reluctantly do my work.I stare at a question,unsure of the answer.I didn’t study,I don’t do my work, and I usually skip.I’m so stupid, I dont know much of this, I don’t even pay attention when I am here.

I should probably get my shit together. Yet I don’t, and I don’t know why, mother always told us to do our best in our classes. I might drop out when I’m 18 actually. I just don’t know.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and I take the pass. I actually head into the bathroom stall. I look at myself in the mirror, no this isn’t the life I want, but it’s the life I was MADE to live. I go into the bathroom stall, I throw up. I’ve been so sick lately, I‘m not sure why, and I fear the worst.

Most people would assume I was just an irresponsible 16 year old. That I made a mistake. But guess what? It wasn’t a mistake, I was ****** a few weeks ago. The man cornered me in an alleyway, he kidnapped me, he ****** me, I fought my way out and he was arrested. If what I fear is true, I hope this fight will kill it.

I head back to class, put the pass back , and sit back in my seat. I think about the question, I answer randomly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I finish my lunch and head to the back of the school. I smoke again.

I head back inside when I'm done,I'm surprisingly not late for class.I'm in science,and I LOVE this class.

I sit next to Alex. She smiles at me and waves. I wave back. I actually pay attention to what the teacher says.

Janet's in this class actually. Ugh, Janet. She's everyone's favorite person, everyone loves here. And I can't really blame them. She's kind,nice and overall a good person. She loves helping others. I ... wish I could be like her, honestly. She makes everyone else feel better, yet no one would do the same for her. She has no one to talk to about her problems.

Class ended and I headed to art. ‘Today’s assignment, Painting!’ the board said. I stood by my seat, there were paint brushes and paint of every color on the tables, there was also a cup of water for everyone. We were all handed a grey sheet of paper. I looked down and smiled. I got to painting, I felt free. I started with red, painting lips. I dipped my brush into the water to clean it off, I then went for brown and mixed it with red to make it darker. I got a different brush I dipped it in white paint to create the teeth. I dip the brush in water, cleaning it off again. I dip the brush into the peach paint. I create fingers tracing the lips. I create the face, add the eyes, I add the nose, add the ears and hair. I add bruises and scratches to the face, I let my imagination take full control, and I lose touch with the real world.

In the end,It looked like a girl, no, It looked like Janet, she had bruises and scratches all over her face, tears were running down her face, and she was tracing her red lips. I sign my work, Janie Dime. I smile at my work , and put it on the rack. Class ends, and I head to choir.

I have a huge smile on my face as I walk into choir. I see Alex. “Janie, Nice to see you again.” Alex says. We had a test today. We had to sing infront of everyone. I know, traumatizing for most. You don't know the choir kids though, they're nice. They don't… make fun of anyone, we respect each other. It's… nice.

We go by alphabetical order, so I'm pretty close to being first. I, personally, don't think I can sing very well. I'm going to sing The Principal by Melanie Martinez. Yes,I am totally singing it about our principal.

Time flies,doesn't it? Before I know it, it's my turn.I get up and walk to the stage.I feel their eyes on me,and I don't think I can take it, I remind myself the first time I sang, everyone clapped, the teacher said I was amazing. I tell the teacher what I'm singing,she nods and puts a version of it with only the music on.

Some students smile,they get who it's about, or atleast who I'm singing it about. Gaiya would be proud.

I let the music take control, I let my mind stop, and only sing.

I can finally breathe. Jeo would make fun of me for being in choir. Yeah, he doesn't know. When I'm not being an ass, I'm hanging out with… the choir kids.

I know,hard to believe. Me, the delinquent, sometimes hangs out with the weird choir kids.

I finish singing and sit down. “You were great!”Alex says, she smiles at me. I shake my head at her. I disagree.

More students go up,all are good,some just need some work on their voices. Alex goes up, she sings like an angel. She sings Gabriel by Alec Benjamin. Alex comes back. “You did better.”I tell her.I think she just blushed, Eh, must be the compliments. “T-Thanks….!” She responds, ah, she's too cute for this place.

I shiver AGAIN. Why is it so cold in this goddamn school?!I look in my backpack for another or thicker jacket. I sigh when the teacher hands us our books. “We’re going to be singing in front of the whole school,”The teacher, Mrs.Tulip starts. T-The.. Whole…. School?! No no no no! I can’t have ANYONE ELSE see me in choir!!! “So I hope you’re ready,oh and you MUST participate.”She adds. My face pales. I’m screwed.

Maybe I can get my mom to- Ah wait she isn’t here! Alex can tell I’m nervous, I give her a worried look. She smiles at me. I sigh. I can't get out of this one. Well, They're gonna find out.

They… can't kick me out though. Once a member always a member.

Ningyo nods and we walk away. Where do we go? To an alleyway. I see the Targets are already there,and Jane's pacing around. "It's our rivals,The Scars." Demarie says pointing at us. I feel my stomach twist.

I punch Jane. Normally Ningyo would fight her,Or we would all fight each other, but I have something I need to do. "Janie?!"Ningyo says,sounding surprised. Jane punches back, I take out my knife, she takes out hers. I hit her in her nose. Blood drips down. She stabs me in my arm.

Her gang and mine cheer. "Sister vs sister! Leader vs underling!"Ryan, one of Jane's members, says. I slice Jane's cheek, she stabs mine.

I punch her repeatedly. She stabs me in my stomach. I let out a cry of pain, I threw her to the ground but she gets back up. I crack my neck again. I break her nose and she slices my arms.

I'm not sorry. Police sirens start, Leila called the police, she books it. We all run away. Luckily, me and my members are safe.

I sigh. Ningyo heals me and I teleport home. Jane isn't there. I frown. Why am I like this? Oh yeah, mom.

-----------------------------------------------------

A boy sits beside me in Civics. I look at him, I've never seen him before. "Hi…" He says when he sees my gaze. He has brown hair and hazel eyes,he's wearing glasses. "Hey Nerd." I say. He blinks at me."My names David….." He says. "And mines Janie." I respond, rolling my eyes at him.

My mind trails back to yesterday. The teacher talks and I don't listen. I gag. I stand up and throw up in the trash can.

The teacher gives me AND David a pass to the nurse's office. Why is David coming? The teacher said I needed someone to make sure I'm okay.

The walk is silent. "I'm actually not very smart…." David says. I look at him. "Neither am I." I say with a laugh. "I'm in a gang with other kids here,I skip classes and don't pay attention. I'll never be smart like my other sisters."I say. He shakes his head. "You probably are, you just don't try." He says, looking me in my eyes.

He's… actually…. Kinda…… cute-wait what?! I did not just say that! We make it to the nurses office and He leaves. I blushed thinking about what I just thought.

I hate the world. I shiver. It's so damn cold in here! The lights go off. What is this,a horror movie?! I stay quiet though, in all honesty, that ... kinda scared me. I close my eyes. The world goes dark.

#books #dimes #sisters

0 notes

frankensteindotpdf · 7 years ago

Note

All of them

FUCK I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DO THIS CRAP AHHH

Who’s your crush/squish?

I......tend to have a couple at a time (go unreciprocation whoop whoop) anyhoo the main one is this girl who is SUPER CUTE AND HAS THE CUTEST LAUGH AND IS LOWKEY EMO AND JUST BRILLIANT TBH and fun fact she’s the one who made me realise I’m bi! annnnd there’s a guy....who I just realised I have a crush on....like yesterday....and I’m dying a little

Who’s your fictional crush/squish?

Hahahahahahaha that talks like there’s one.....Remus obviously...Tonks....Dean Winchester...Jughead .....Rapunzel.....Duke Crocker from Haven (holy crap bro).....I used to have a crush on Klaus Baudelaire and also Yo-Yoji (shut up Carina)..... massive squish on Sherlock Holmes....and more I’m forgetting

Worst joke you’ve ever told?

Crap bro my life is full of stupid jokes I can’t choose one

Worst insult you’ve ever given?

Just really dumb ones, nothing specific

Got any weird kinks?

not any weird ones

How did you find out about sex?

No idea, probably like parents or sex ed classes? I don’t remember

Trashiest thing in your wardrobe?

Literally none? I mean I have trash like a billion HP t shirts but nothing revealing or anything

Worst Phobia?

Needles. I literally cry everytime.

Hentai or the real thing?

Ew neither thanks

Ever been arrested?

lol i never go outside no

What are you most selfish about?

This question is worded weird....uh my..sketchbooks? maybe? like I don’t really get the q but I never let anyone draw in my sketchbooks so ig that counts?

Who would you let die if given the chance to save them?

Myself

Who would you sacrifice yourself for?

Anyone

Something silly you believed as a kid?

Well I didn’t think “washcloth” was a real term, for some reason (I have literally no idea why) I thought it was just a word my family used but they were really called something else. I mean washcloth is so... on the nose

Weirdest/most embarassing thing you’ve drawn?

I once.....drew a picture....of my crush.....with a stupid nickname above it....and little hearts....and little pics of the stuff he liked.... UGH I CRINGE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT I WAS IN GRADE 2 DONT JUDGE ME

Controversial role models?

I can’t think of any?

Cringiest fandom you’ve been in?

for like A MONTH I was into... Justin Bieber.

Cringiest thing you’ve shipped?

Trans Gilderoy Lockhart and Snape

Ever had “an accident” in public?

I mean when I was real little I did once after school but like no one was there besides my family so it wasn’t a big deal

What helps you fall asleep?

Honestly watching Bob Ross. He’s just so soothing

What childish things do you still do?

I dunno man...Lots I just can’t think of anything specific

What’s your age?

A HEATHERS SONG AND THE YEAR A WIZARD COMES OF AGE

Grossest thing you’ve eaten?

Some people would say crickets (they tasted great though) I would personally say (not eating but) gargling salt water. I literally threw up. Thanks, father.

Honest opinion on religion?

I definitely like the idea and totally respect other’s beliefs, but I’m still working it out. I mean I know mine pretty darn well but the more I learn the more it just sounds really convienient idk

What does your laugh sound like?

From being told to shut up so much it’s changed a lot....It’s kinda squeaky but mostly silent? I’m a bit self concious about it tbh

How would you describe your smile?

stupid. it scrunches up my face all wrong and makes me look even fatter than I already do

Did you go through any regrettable phases?

“Liking” music everyone else liked to fit in

Ever dropped plans/projects and not said a word?

Not one-on-one stuff (though social anxiety makes me want to every time) but like I guess? nothing noteworthy

Intovert/Extrovert?

INTROVERT

Personality Type?

INFP

Ugliest thing in your wardrobe?

I have this nightgown that I never wear that looks like something out of an 1800s movie...floral pattern and all

Would you wear pajama’s in public?

If I was with friends who were

Weirdest thing that turned you on?

uhhhh I have no idea

Pineapples on pizza????

hecc yes

Do you use the XD emoticon?

Only in an ironic way

Do you have a dark sense of humour?

yup

Worst thing you ship?

Ms. Frizzle and Brendon Urie

Top or bottom?

Oh I cant believe I’m answering this on the internet gosh well from my personality I’d say...bottom

Top or bottom bunk?

Also bottom because I feel like I’ll fall off or break the top bunk

Pettiest thing you’ve cried over?

Dude I cry over everything...My sister said she’d rip one of my books

Pettiest thing you’ve gotten mad over?

Bro again like I usually get upset at myself rather than mad at other people but like at my family basically everything?

Longest time you’ve cried?

lol well multiple times I’ve cried for a few hours straight, I cried through an entire movie once (I’m not evenexaggerating I had to pause it because I was sobbing too hard literally 5 times)

Do you touch the art in museums?

NO THAT CAN WRECK IT AND I COULD GET IN TROUBLE

Do you have a fandom OC?

Kinda? I mean just self-inserts tbh

How much do you believe in astrology?

not at all

Have you ever used a base for drawing?

I mean I’ve copied them down but not traced

Have you ever used MSPaint for drawing non-ironically?

yup. there was a time when I had a laptop and sucked at drawing so when I got bored I’d draw on MSPaint

Controversial opinion?

I’m a feminist and I think everyone should be

Ass or chest?

I hate answering this I’m just gonna do it quickly and get it over with female ass, male chest

Chest or genitals?

chest

Genitals or ass?

I HATE THESE I HAVE NO IDEA OK

Any scars?

Yup. I have one on my arm from burning myself while baking in grade 8, and two others on the inside (of the same arm haha) that are from somehow managing to hit my arm off a staple sticking out of an old recliner

Do you pirate anything?

Only music for animatics, but even then only songs I’ve already bought but cant transfer. I don’t see the point. The artists I like I don’t just like for their music (or movies or whatever), I like them as people too. I want to thank them for making such awesome stuff, so a little donation is totally reasonable to me

url for an old cringy social media account?

I mean this one? I wasnt allowed to have social media when I was younger so yay none of that

Any post’s you’ve deleted and why?

Only ones I accidentally reblogged onto my art blog, but I always reblog them onto my main first

How long does it take you to get up in the morning?

depends. if I have nothing to do, hours. If I have school, anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour (I set my alarm real early)

What will instantly turn you on?

idk man nothing really...someone being good with kids is always sweet tho

Fave eye+hair colour combination?

Nothing specific, I like basically all colours?

Have you already named your future children?

If I have any they will be named after someone in one of my billions of fandoms (probably someone from hp)

Do you do drugs?

Just Ibuprofen amirite lol even then I am in pain way more than I take it I hate swallowing pills

How tall are you?

about 5′5 or 5′6

Did you go through a “RANDOM XD” phase?

yup

Dumbest thing you believed?

No idea, probably something from when I was little but idk

Dildo of choice? (besides an actual dildo)

boi i’m not even coming near this question (get it?)

Daddy kink?

I mean I find it hot when some people say it? but not really

Who could change your sexuality just by looking at you?

I’m...bi....so like.....no one? I’m confused mate there’s no way to answer this question

Bara/Yaoi/Shota?

none tbh i dont even know what 2/3 of those mean

What area’s of your body are most sensitive?

besides the obvious my knees, stomach, back, neck....okay everything I just hate people touching me thanks oh and my feet oh gosh I got a pedicure once and it was the worst experience of my life

Weirdest dream you’ve had?

A bunch man, once I had a dream where Peeta was transformed by the Capitol or smth to look like one of my friends and he was also heavily drugged and at my school for some reason and I was trying to help him get to safety....I had a dream where my family and I lived in a trailer park and our neighbour had a big dog that attacked my little brother, first by biting and then picking up a stick with its paws and beating him with it....one where my friend tried to touch my stomach and i panicked, punched him in the face, and then had a panic attack because I felt so bad

THANK GOSH THAT’S OVER

2 notes · View notes

ecmlol · 6 years ago

Text

“ this keeps getting juicer” Noah said

“You know you can’t report about this right?”

“ why not? If I expose him then game over”noah says

“ He needs to stay a ghost Noah he has threaten my family and I’m pretty sure poisoned jewels “Markus says

“ that’s what happen to Jewels! Is she going to be ok?”

“No I didn’t get to her in time to save her. She died and I have no clue how I’m going to tell Justice.”Markus explains.

“ I’m so sorry to hear that”

“ he’s dangerous Noah. If I have to put him down I will.”

“Wow let me guess and you have friends that will help you too”

Markus shrugs.

“Ok..”

“ you need to be very careful you and anyone else close to Jude if he’s come for Jude and is trying to replace him you will figure it out quicker that anyone. “ I would hope I know ever inch of him.”

“ exactly you’ll fool his plans. So he might come after you first.”

“Any suggestions on how to protect me and what’s mine?”

“First a alarm system for the house if you don’t have one yet. Then I would get some more security for Jude and your self. I would learn jude schedule and keep track of him so if something happens you know when and where it might have happened at. If something changes and Jude starts to act differently you will have a plan for that too. Have a list of conversations you can have with him that no one else would know about .”

“Intimate details right?”

“Probably your best bet.”markus says

Noah runs his hands through his hair and scratches his bearded face.

“ I think it’s best to leave town soon”Markus say

“ yeah all of us in the same place isn’t a good idea.”

“Unless he’s working with someone he can’t be in two places at once.”

“True. Some thing you said is nagging at me”

“What?”

“ you said something about the look on his face should have told you it wasn’t jude.”

“Yes he had cold eye. He had this look on his face that didn’t sit well with me. It was a mix of hunger greed and coldness. I’m surprised I didn’t catch it sooner.”

“ My Jude has never looked like that. Wounded puppy? Yes perplexed yes mad yes but that no way.”

“You know him a lot better then I do so you could have catch on a lot quicker.”

“ yes I would have”noah say

“ we need to get out of here I’ll see you in a few hours”Markus says

“ sure. I’ll talk to jude about this”noah says

Noah get out of the car and drives off. On the way to the hotel Noah thinks about how to handle this situation. How do you tell your husband he has a evil twin brother? Hell how do you tell your husband his brother mostly wants his life and has already kill your fur sister . This is a mess. Noah thought as he opened the hotel door. Noah can see that Jude is still asleep. Jude has been sleeping In for most of there vacation. Noah has figured the season must have wore him out and now he’s catching up on his sleep. Noah sighs and walks over to the bed and sits next to his sleeping husband. He caresses his beard covered face with the back of his hand as he studies his sleeping face.

hey sleepy head”noah say

“ hey “ Jude say as he opens his eyes to see Noah so close that he can smell his hair products .

Noah runs his hand over Jude’s head and found the slight slope of Jude’s skull. Check. Jude smiles . Dimple . Checking.

“ where did we meet?”noah asked

“ ah what’s with the question?” Jude asked. Noah studies Jude’s eyes. confused check.

“ it’s a simple question “

“ corner store”jude say slightly confused

“Have I been shot before?”

“Noah why are you interrogating me for I just woke up” jude says as he stretch.

“ theses are simple one word answer and its has only been two questions that’s not even a interview much less interrogation.”noah say

“ fine yes” jude says as he pushes Noah away and turns over. Noah pulls the cover down to search for a large freakle on Jude’s butt.

“ Noah what are you doing?”jude said

“ looking for something”noah say as he finds the spot that he always likes to kiss. Found it! Noah thought to him self. He then finds a faint scare on his Jude’s shoulder from a car accident .Noah kisses Jude shoulder and slowly pushes Jude back on his back.

“ so .. what are you looking for?”jude says curiously.

“Dont worry about it . Right now I’m just kissing my husband got a problem?”noah asked

“ your hitting my spots do I need to go take care of things.”jude asked trying not to be too excited about morning sex.

“Are you hard?”

“Yes”jude says with a stupid smile.

“ lay back and relax then”noah says giving jude a devilish smile.

Noah proceeds to go down on jude. As he does he thought to himself the length and size is right everything feels right. Noah wonders how identical are identical twins. Could one have a smaller penis or exactly the say.

He looks up at jude who always seem so effected by a little head and he’s his usual antsy self holding on to the sheet with white knuckles. The one thing he was thankful for was that zero never did like giving head.So jude is alway acting like it a new thing to him. Noah smiles around jude hard member.

It doesn’t take much to get jude to come. After about 5 minutes of stroking sucking licking and kissing Jude comes down the back of Noah’s throat.

“ you can ask me anything if it leads to that”jude says with a silly smile.

Noah licks his lips and crawls up Jude’s body to kiss him.

“ hi there “ noah says as he looks into Jude’s greener then normal eyes. Check.

Noah leans down and kisses Jude long and hard.

“ let’s take a shower.”noah says as all of his playfulness drains out of him.

Jude didn’t question noah he hopped up and headed to the bathroom. Noah watched him leave. He took note of how jude walked and then stopped.

“ are you coming?” Jude said before he stopped and went back to grab Noah’s hand.

“ hey you ok?”jude asked when he notices noah wasn’t smiling.

Noah pulled jude in to a hug.

Noah took a deep breath and then sighed.

“ I’ll tell you in the shower.”

“O...k”

Noah follows jude into the bathroom where jude turns on the shower.

“ so what’s going on?”jude say

“ there is no easy way to say this..” noah says

Jude looks at him expectingly.

“ Fine you have a identical twin brother that killed Jewel and we are pretty sure he wants your life .”

Jude looks at him like he grew a nother head.

“ come again?”jude say as he steps into the shower.

“ you have a brother” noah said

“ no I don’t” jude say as he rolls his eyes.

“Ok Explain why you grow up with very little help from your millionaire dad??”

“ I..” jude stepped into the shower with that all to familiar perplex look on his face.

Noah wanted to rub the frown marks from Jude’s forehead but he didnt.

“Why would he want my life? I never took anything from him”jude said.

“ I don’t know maybe he wants the devils.” Noah says. Duh noah thought.

“ why couldn’t he just talk to me and I could find him work with the devils.”Jude say

At the moment noah thought jude couldn’t of sounded more naive to him. There is no way this cold man could replace naive at times husband.

“ Jude he was raised by your father from what I have heard about your father and have seen any child that was raised by him has no chance of being normal”

Jude sigh.

“ I hate to say this but I’m really happy Patty had you because everything I know about your father i don’t think I be able to sleep around you if you where raised by him.”

“ He can be intimidating “Jude says as he steps pass the spray so Noah can get wet.

“I think we need to get back to LA.”Noah say.

“All right want to drive back today?”Jude ask

“Yeah the sooner the better.I’m hoping that he’s not working with anyone.”

“why do you think he might be working with someone?”Jude asked

“He broke in to your mom’s house “Noah says

“He did what?”Jude said.

“Markus til me about the bugs he fou d in the house.’

“That’s it I’m calling Oscar he can reel him in.If anyone can do it he can.”Jude said

“what if he is working with Oscar.”Noah said

“Then why would he have come to the wedding and even paid for everything.”

“To learn more about us so he can make the switch between the two of you.”Noah says

“ He’s helped me save the devils. I can’t see him doing all of this just to see my brother hurt us and take over .”Jude tells Noah as he finishes taking his shower.

“I hope your right.”Noah say

“I won’t call him until we are back in La”Judes say as he gets out of the shower.”

“Just incase he has some how bugged the room lets not talk about this unless we are some place we have never been before.”Noah inform Jude.

“That's a good idea.”Jude says

“Do you think we can figure out what his name is so I can maybe do some research on him.”

“I have no idea what his name could be noah I just found out about him.”Jude says with a little bit of anyst in his voice. “ I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking.” Noah says as he quickly finishes his shower.

Noah walks out and sees Jude sulking next to the desk in the room with a towel around his hips.

“ it’s only once day a month.”noah say

Jude looks up with confusion written all over his face.

Noah mouths go with it.

“ I can’t wait for you to meet my gamer friends”

“ so I finally get to meet these “friends “ of your” Jude says with a teasing smile.

“Got jokes huh?”Noah say

Jude smiles and starts to dig through his suit case.

“ so game night it’s your turn to host right?”jude asked

“ Yeap .”noah says as he puts on a pair of pants

“ so do significant others hang around for it ?”jude asked

“ well if you want to help me be the hostesses with the most I’m no t going to complain.”

“Oh.”

“ or if you want to do what you do when I’m not round then go for it. You have a complete free day with out me.”jude frowns then quickly recovers.

“ aw your going to miss me.”

“ I’ll see what Lionel is up to but I’m not sure if I want to go to lunch with eve again”

“She just wants you to like her”noah says

“ I know it’s just she’s just a headache.”jude says

“ i can see why you say that.”noah says

“ I think I’ll play the good husband and play hostesses with the mostest then lock my self in my study.”jude says

“Sounds like a plan to me”noah says

They finish dressing and head to the door.

Noah reminded himself to not look for Jude’s brother.

He looked up from closing the door behind him to see jude looking around the parking lot.

“ Dane please don’t do that .”

“What ?”

“Look around for him your not suppose to know about him.”noah say in a whisper as he take jude hand and walks to the car.

They walk hand and hand to the car .

“I’ll drive ok”

“Sure “

Jude say as Noah opens the door for him and and the he head to the other side . The hold time noah kept telling himself don’t look around.It’s been a Long time sense noah has been this afraid of anything. He tried his best not to show it .

Jude reaches over and touches noah bouncing knee. Noah looks over and smiles a little.

“You good?”jude asked

“ as good as it’s expected “

Noah say nervously.

“So tell me what we need for this day of gaming”jude says.

“ well the wives and girlfriends usually just help us stock up on in snacks and if we run out your the one that kindly goes out and get anything we run out of.”

“Oh so I’m the good little ...”jude was about to say wifey.

“Hubby”

“ well I didn’t tell you the deal that we all give our significant others.”

“ I’m all ears”jude says

“ basically all of us are your bitch. What ever active you guys want sexual,hot yoga, pottery class,trip you the mother in-law whatever.”

“Huh I have to think of something good then.”

“They always do. Jake has to go to every Romance book signing that Jamie wants to go to. You wouldn’t believe how early those ladies start lining up!”

Jude laughs at noah.

“ get this mike girlfriend makes him go to her parents house for one major holiday if her choosing a year.”

“Ok I guess I have to come up with something good maybe business dinners with investors for a year.”

“ oh.”

“ no you can’t interview them I know that look “

“Oh come on”

“This is suppose to be punishment for my servitude.”

“ that would be a punishment but I get to help you right so that a good thing .”noah say

Jude smile and lifts Noah’s hand that was resting on his knee to kiss.Jude had a strange feeling like someone was watching him. Jude turns and see a white car next to him . At first nothing seem wrong until the person lowers their sun glasses .

Jude’s blood runs cold. The man looks just like him. A second later the car speeds of.

“ Jude are you ok. You look a little pale”

“ it was him”jude say as calm as he could.

“ where?”

“ he just speed off. Dont try and follow him please.”

Noah curses under his breath.

“ I’m good it’s just weird seeing my face glaring at at myself.jude tells noah

“ I could only imagine “noah say as they takes the next turn down his mother in law street.

They park in the drive way.

Justice comes running out in a pair of blue shorts and a dirty pink top and no shoes.

Jude smiles and opens his door Justice stops and looks at jude.

“ what I can’t get a hug?”Jude asked

“ what did you buy me that you never gave to me ?”Justice say as she watches jude face

“ oh crap we for got to get it out of the trunk.”

Just had to stop him self from cursing in front of his sister

“But what was it ?”Justice asked

“ teddy bears” jude says as he gets out. Justice scrambles back.

“ what am I chopped liver?” Noah says

“ no I don’t like liver but I love you” Justice says as she runs around the car.

Justice throws her self at noah .

“ hi there” noah hugs her and puts her on his hip.

Justice whispers in Noah’s ear

“ is he really jude” noah had to stop himself from staying something nasty to his little sister in law .Like he taste like my jude.

“ yes” noah whispers back

“ promise?”

“ promise “Noah says offer her is pinky she covers his hand with hers trying to hide it.

“ come here”Justice waves a confused jude over.

“ promise your the real jude and I don’t have to kill you for killing me dog”Justice say in a too cold tone.

Jude looked at Noah like his sister grew a second head and then stuck his pinkie out to her.

“Promise I would never do that “Justice pinky swears with Jude and then hugs him

“Ok .i didn’t want to have to bury you in the back yard”Justice tells Jude

The look on jude face was priceless. And Noah completely lose it and starts to laugh.

“ seriously noah I was threaten by my 7 year old sister.“ jude say after he puts his sister down so she can run off.

“ I know I’m sorry but it’s the look on your face was priceless.”noah says

Jude starts to fidgeting and look around. Noah grabs Jude’s hands.

“I normally think your fidgeting is adorable but I hate that our honeymoon has turned so serious.”

“Honeymoon?”jude says

“Isn’t that what we are on?”noah asked

Jude laughs and kisse Noah.

“Going to visit my mother isn’t our honeymoon. I was going to talk to you about our actual honeymoon when we got back LA but now we have maybe baby on the way I don’t know what we are going to go do.”

Patty pokes her head out of the front door.

“ are you to love birds going to come in and eat or what?”

“ sorry patty “Noah says.

Noah takes Jude hand and walk him towards the house.

“Don’t worry about anything . We have this . You and me are a team. Plus anywhere with you is a honeymoon for me.”noah tells jude.

Jude smiles and tucks his free hand in his pocket.

“ how do you always know what to say to make me feel better.”

Noah closes the door behind them.

“ he’s your husband Jude he’s suppose to know how to comfort. It’s their job.”patty says a few feet away.

Noah smiles and walks away and heads straight for the biscuits.

“ I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that your brother is causing trouble.”

“I’m still trying to understand all of it and I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s ok. Maybe a nother time”Patty says

Jude and patty walk in to the kitchen where Markus is putting the finishing touches on breakfast.

“ everything looks so good”noah says

“ Jude I hope you remember everything I taught you about cooking because your man loves to eat”patty say

“ you cook?” Noah says

“ thanks mom you blow my cover I have never cooked for anyone”jude says

“ not even zero?”noah says

“ nope never even told him that I cook.”

“Really were you ever going to tell me?”noah asked

“ don’t know “Jude say as he takes a plate.

Noah doesn’t say anything and just fills his plate.

They have a seat without a word.

“ so Patty what else can you tell me about my husband? Looks like your my best source.”noah says

Jude stops his fork mid way to his mouth.

“ Jude....” Patty says

“Noah...” jude says in a frustrated tone.

“ noJude I have given you space didn’t I?”

“ yes you did”

“ I loved you any way didn’t I?”

“ yes”

“I deserve to know more things about you Im spending the rest of my life with you and I should know things.”

“ I’m doing better noah”Jude say

“ I have heard that before.”

“ Noah I opened up a lot yesterday. Does that count for anything. Actually I have opened up this whole trip “

Noah sigh.

Patty and Markus look at each other .

“Noah lets go outside.”markus says

Markus grabs a box that’s on the top shelf in the kitchen.”

“ Markus your not?”patty say

Noah and Jude look curious on as patty and Markus wordless conversation.

Markus raises his eyebrows at her as to say “ you worry about Jude I got him”.

“ I want to come”Justice says

“ no stay with your mama” Markus says

Justice takes a bite of her biscuit and pouts.

“Let’s go noah”Markus says as he walks out to the backyard with the mysterious box and his breakfast.

Noah gets up reluctantly and follows him out. The backyard is nice noah thought with a privacy fence on all sides with a tangerine tree in the middle of the yard and a small deck outside the kitchen

“ sit”Markus says.

Markus and Noah take a seat on the small deck.

“ in times like this when you argue with your ... husband you have to take a breath and remind your self why you love their crazy asses.”

Markus says as he takes his last bite of his eggs.

0 notes

ignisaurumprobat19-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Nomad (full story)

initially published on r/nosleep

PART 1

February 12th, 2015, 6.42am

I'm awoken by the shrill sound of my alarm. Still half-asleep, I reflexively grab my Iphone and turn it on. The date immediately catches my eye. Yesterday, it's been five years since I got here. It's the first time I reach 5 years in the same place. Part of me is thrilled, but I can't help having a sense of impending doom.

Unlike most days, I manage to get out of bed before my mother comes banging on my door. Maybe that's because of the five-year anniversary, but I feel an urgency to enjoy every minute. If there are people to see, things to do, words to say, I have to do it. Fast.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this time I'll stay longer. Maybe this time I won't have to leave.

8.03am

I pick up Alice on her doorstep. She slumps into the passenger seat and greets me with a « Fuck, I'm so fucking tired ». I laugh, turn up the radio and we sing along, like every morning since September, when I finally passed my driving licence. The road to school is a quick one. I almost want to keep driving, or to tell her, right here, right now, that I love her and that she's the best friend I've ever had. But being cheesy isn't like me, and she might find it weird. If I leave, she'll think of this conversation as a troubling coincidence. If I stay, she'll think I'm not being my usual self and she'll worry, and I dont want to have to deal with this today. So I just park in front of school, and we go on with our day.

5.35pm

It's been an ordinary day. I've been on the alert all the time since yesterday, waiting for something to happen, but so far everything is fine. I might really stay this time. I try not to get my hopes up, but I can't stop myself. I'm alone in the car on the way back from school, Alice got out earlier. I don't turn on the radio this time. At every car that drives a little recklessly, at every red light, I sweat, I get anxious.

7.20pm

Mom cooked a roast for Dad and I and vegetarian lasagna for Chloe. Chloe's just got back from university for a two week break, and even if she answers the parents' questions, she seems.. Distant. Off. Not in a worrying way, though. More in a laid-back way, as if she didn't really know where she was, but it didn't matter. She smiles constantly. The food is delicious. My sister seems on cloud nine. For the first time today, I feel completely relaxed.

11.10pm

A knock on my door. « - Yup ? -Can I come in ? » Chloe's head appears in my doorway. « - Sure. »

She settles down on my bed. « - How's school ? -Not too bad. Still waiting for the answers to my uni applications. I don't think I'll get into a great one, but I'll be happy with anything as long as I can hope to become a doctor. -Hey, don't say that. Wait for the results before saying you won't get in. -Yeah. I guess. -And how's life ? How are your friends ? -Fine. I still hangout with the same ones, basically, but I met lots of Alice's friends so I hangout with them sometimes, too. -And what about boys ? -Nothing new on that side. I would have told you otherwise ! -Well... I might have something to tell you. -I knew it ! You're not pregnant are you ?! -Nooo ! But you know, Alex and I were talking last night, about our future careers and all, and we ended up talking about the future in general... Ad he said he planned to propose at the end of the year ! -Holy fuck ! But that's awesome ! -I know ! I'm so excited ! But I haven't told anyone yet, not even Mom, so please stay quiet for now. I'd rather wait until we're actually engaged before telling people. -Sure ! -But... You will be my bridesmaid, right ? I know you're not a fan of weddings but... -Of course I will ! Come on ! You're my sister ! » But as I say those words, my heart is heavy. I really hope I'll get to fulfill this promise.

Februray 13th, 2015, 8.20am

I slept through my alarm today. I run through the house : breakfast/shower/get clothed/ grab keys/ grab bag. Thankfully I don't have to pick-up Alice today, she only starts her classes at 10am. I sing along to the radio, even though I'm alone. I think about Chloe's wedding, her engagement party, her hen do. It's going to be so amazing ! Today, I want to be positive and allow myself to make plans. No matter what happens, I can't live the rest of my life avoiding any kind of plans. For fuck sake, that's not living. I'm singing (terribly) along to « You're beautiful » when the truck goes through the red light and crashes into my car.

August 22nd, 1999, 7.22am.

I'm awoken by the shrill sound of my alarm. Still half-asleep, I reflexively try to grab my Iphone on the nightstand, but my hand only encounters the void. No Iphone. No nightstand, even. That's when it hits me. The truck. The red light. Chloe. My life. It's over. As I start to tear up, my mind is bombarbed with informations. I know, without knowing how, that my name is Alexandra now. I'm no longer 18, I'm 24. I've been a secretary in my dad's office for the past two years, I live alone, I have no siblings and I have a 26 year old boyfriend but our relationship isn't great lately. I know what I look like, despite not having seen my reflection yet. I also know that I am dead.

First time I died, I didn't really understand what was going on. Mind you, I was four and a half at the time. I was sick, I knew that, but I didn't know I was going to die. Did my parents know ? Did they try to get me ready for it ? I don't know. I don't remember much of them. I remember a blonde woman and a man with steel-blue eyes and lines around the eyes. I don't even know their names. I always called them « Mom » and « Dad ». My name was Leah. I don't know the exact year, but I think it was in the 1980's. I just remember that I couldn't breathe anymore, and then I fell asleep, and then I woke up and I knew that I was Mary, that I was 14, had brown hair, and had to get up and go to my best friend's house. I had a new family, a new face, and a completely different body from the little girl's body I fell asleep in. I screamed for my mom, but the mom who came to me wasn't the blonde mom I was used to. I explained the situation as best as I could ; and Mary was up for three years of therapy. I simply couldn't act like a 14 year old teen. I was completely capable of doing well in school, as I had access to all of Mary's knowledge, but I didn't know how to behave with her family and friends. I was just a small child inside. I died in a car crash when I was 17. Or 8, depending on your viewpoint.

The next day, I was Claire, 10 years old. The transition was easier this time ; I could act like a child again. This time, I didn't tell anyone about Leah or Mary. I pretended I was Claire, and I didn't get sent to therapy. Claire died at 14, falling off her horse, in 1982.

Then I was Laura. Laura was different. Laura was 28, when I was only 13. Laura had a husband, a son, and a job as a sales rep in a big firm in NY. The year was 2022, and it was my first time using the Internet, which didn't help. Most of all, Laura was a cocaine addict. She didn't look like she used, at first glance. She was pretty, with blonde hair and a doll-like face. Sure, her eyes were bloodshot, but with a toddler and a time-consuming professionnal life, what else could you expect ? But as soon as I woke up as Laura, her body asked for its dose.

I killed Laura three months later.

The first time I committed suicide, I thought I would really die. I didn't think I would come back. I was only 13, I still believed there was a way out. I know better now. After my overdose, I woke up and I was Rebecca, 43. In 1973. The guilt was overwhelming, at first. I thought I had deprived Laura's loved ones of their wife, their mother, their daugher, their friend. Because of that, Rebecca got depressed until she died at the hands of an attacker, in a street of San Francisco, in January 1976.

But I realized, years later (or sometimes, years before ), that feeling guilty made no sense. Since the second I arrived, Laura was gone. Whether I killed myself or not, she wasn't coming back. If I stayed, I would only have spent more time pretending to be her, trying to be a wife to her husband, a mother to her son. And the 13 year old girl I was was too young to take care of a baby or to have sex with a 30 year old man. I know now that I took the right decision. It was better for them to grieve for Laura than to have their life ruined by me pretending to be her.

Nowadays, I don't hesitate before I committ suicide. I know the real people won't come back anyway, so if I'm unhappy in a life, I just go to the next one. When I decide to stay, nonetheless, it looks like I'm only alloted a limited time. On average, I get 4 years. Sometimes less, rarely more. The maximum so far has been 5 years and two days.

I shouldn't have stayed that long. I should have left before. How naïve of me to think that I could stay. Have a family, be a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding.

7.42pm

If I don't want to be late for work, I have to get up now. I get out of bed, head to the bathroom. In the mirror, Alexandra is looking back at me. I can't stand this. I scream, punch the mirror, grab a shard of glass and slit my throat.

June 7th, 1981, 6.32am

I wake up in the arms of a man. Before I can even get access to who I am, a severe nausea gets me running to the bathroom. The noise wakes the man up. As I vomit, he walks up behind me and lovingly holds my hair up. He whispers : « - You know, I got an idea for the name. What about Leah ? » Holding my big, pregnant belly, I stand up slowly. My eyes meet our reflection in the mirror above the sink : a blonde woman, a man with blue-steel eyes and lines around the eyes. I wonder how to tell him that less than 5 years from now, our daughter will die.

-----------------------------------------------------

PART 2

September 9th, 1985, 4.05am

I've failed.

I've failed, and now I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I see her little body going still, her chest rising and falling for the last time.

I've tried. I've been an overprotective mother. I made sure she always wore the right clothes for the weather, I breastfed her, I gave her healthy, balanced meals. But what can I do against cancer ? If only this was not the 80's. If only it was a century from now, she would have had a much better chance. But I don't get to chose that.

And now she's gone. Just like I knew she would, deep down, since she is me.

And all the last glimmers of hope, hope that I could change my fate, hope that I could make it stop, went away with her last breath.

September 9th, 1985, 10.12am

I've applied make up carefully. My blonde hair is in a strict low bun. I've ironed my black dress right before we left.

I've got to look good. After all, this is also my funeral.

My husband looks like a mess. His world shattered three days ago, and he already looks several years older. I tear up, looking at him and his devastated face.

My feelings for him have been hard to define, given that he both gave life to me and made me his wife, even though he has no idea about the first part. All I know is that I've never felt anything but pure love towards him, so it can't be bad, can it ? I didn't chose to come back here. I can't be blamed for feeling this.

I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. I try to find the right words, but will there ever be anything right to say anymore ?

Our eyes are still locked when the loud screeching noise starts, and then there is nothing but pain, and then there is nothing at all.

March 21st , 2004, 10.32am

Samantha's life sounds pretty shitty, to be honest. I've only been here for an hour, but I'm not thrilled at the idea of having a husband who cheats on me, two teenagers to deal with, and crippling debt.

Not to mention that I absolutely hate her look.

Luckily, it's Sunday and the husband took the kids out to the swimming pool. A weekly occurrence, apparently. So I have another hour left to cry my heart out about everything. Everything that has just happened. Everything that happened in the past 5 years. Or everything that happened 20 years ago, if you'd rather.

It was a good life. It was a messy, disturbing situation, sure, but it was a good life.

My mother's name was Patricia, and my father's was Eric. They were good people. She was a children's book illustrator, he worked in a bank, and while they don't sound like the most assorted pair, they were crazy about each other. I had to tone that down, obviously, but it was easy to blame it on the pregnancy, the childbirth, the fatigue from raising a kid. I made sure Eric never felt unloved.

Most of all, they loved me. Oh, they loved me so much.

We were an ordinary family, but it was enough. It was more than enough.

June 5th, 2004, 3.15pm

More than two months in now, and Samantha's life is pretty shitty. But I've seen worse. She doesn't drink, smoke or use drugs. She's an housewife, and it's strangely relaxing to not have to deal with too many people during the day. Or at all, really, since her husband barely talks to her and her kids try to spend as much time as possible outside the house.

One thing that I really enjoy about Samantha, though, is that the déjà-vu feeling is gone.

It started during the pregnancy. I'd get this adrenaline rush, recognize the scene, and I knew what was going to happen in the next 10 to 30 seconds.

This has never happened, in any other life. From a young age, I've had no choice but to force myself to remember everything. When you've lived different lives, at different times, you simply cannot allow yourself to slip and say something out of character, or talk about a technology that doesn't exist yet or an event that didn't happen. It gets you into a lot of trouble. Trust me, I know.

I shrugged it off as the hormones playing tricks on my mind.

But once Leah was born, it got worse.

I had déjà-vu about once a day, and I was always correct.

It made feel... Uneasy. It didn't feel right.

And now it's gone.

April 7th, 2017, 7.12am

I haven't thought of Patricia in years. Or decades, I guess, but whatever.

I suppose it's writing all this stuff that reminded me of her. She was a good person, I suppose, but she got stuck in such a bland life. If she went somewhere when I came, too, maybe she's better now. I hope that's how it works.

Admittedly, what happened yesterday makes it obvious that I don't know much about how it works.

I was sitting on the bench, at my usual bus stop. I've been taking this bus home from work from monday to friday, at 6.18pm, for 2 years. Ever since I woke up as Sophia. I love it here. The city is nice, Sophia is young, she has cool friends and a nice flat. The time is good too. Right before it all started to break down. I'll be gone before that, of course, that's the good part of knowing history. Or the future, as they'd call it here.

The second I saw the long, overflowing yellow skirt, I was overwhelmed with this long-lost, yet familiar, déjà-vu feeling.

I knew she was going to stand in front of me, not sit, and hop in the next bus.

I could already see her long auburn hair caressing her elbows as she looked to the left to see her bus approching, standing with her back to me. Hell, I could even smell her sweet, sugary perfume.

But for the first time, I was wrong.

She walked towards me.

She stood with her back to me.

She looked to the left, saw her bus approaching.

Then she turned around to face me.

In a swift , determined motion, she grabbed my chin, lifted my face to meet my eyes.

Whispered :

« Stop telling them about it. ».

-----------------------------------------------------

PART 3

April 9th, 3.50pm, 2017

I'm going mad here. I'm so tired of all this.

After the girl with the yellow skirt ordered me to stop talking about it, I went crazy. I grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her, yelling. I don't even know what I was saying. It was like decades of anger and pain poured out of my body. People interfered to protect her, and she got away. Before I knew, I was on the bench again and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I'm so mad at myself ! I could have gotten answers, or at least a clue on what's happening.

There were colleagues around, and they saw everything. One of them got on the next bus with me and got me home safe. She even offered to cook me dinner and stay for a bit, since I was in such a bad state. I refused. I didn't trust myself to control my words.

I got called into my boss' office the next day, and I pretended the girl was someone an ex-boyfriend cheated on me with and that I lost my temper when she provoked me.

He seemed to believe it, but he looked worried about me. Kept telling me his door was open if I needed to talk. People at work are definitely looking at me differently now.

I hate that they see me that way. I am not a violent person. I've only been violent when I had to. Violence can be necessary, but a guy cheating on me is not a valid reason to use violence. Why would it matter to me, anyway ? All of my relationships are, by essence, short ones. I can't afford to get too attached to someone.

When I arrived at the office this morning, there was a letter for me in the mail. The secretary said it wasn't sent, it was brought. By a man, in their thirties, black hair, pretty average. That's all she could remember about him when I pressed her for details.

The letter was handwritten, black ink on a simple white sheet of paper.

The ink ran a little.

It said :

«You are not one of them, but you need to learn.

If they know, you can't learn.

If you can't learn, it will only take longer.

Be wise, as it is your nature.

Trust me, cause we are One. »

It was signed by a single letter : *« H »*.

In all my lives, I don't remember being close to a man whose name started with « H ». As I said, I haven't had many lovers. Partly because I've been a kid or a teenager for quite a long time, and also a married woman a few times, and partly because when I was a single adult, being in a serious relationship was too much trouble. I've had flings, of course, but I try not to get too involved. Living with someone when the relationship didn't preexisted my arrival is tricky. I can't be fully myself, but there's no established routine that I can rely on, either. Everything has to be created from scratch, and for someone like me, it can be dangerous to open up too much.

Not to mention the fact that when I ineluctably leaves, I'd rather have as few people as possible to mourn me.

But now that I think about it, if I met him in another life, maybe I knew him under another identity. Maybe « H » is only his name here and now. That would mean he's like me, that would mean I'm not alone.

I don't know if that's a relief or one more reason to worry.

He seems to know a lot more than I do : if he is like me, then why am I not as informed as he is ? Are there more people like us ? What do they want from me ? What am I supposed to learn ?

Why did they let me suffer so much, for decades, without ever telling me that I wasn't completely alone ?

Where were they when I was Alicia, when I cut her 15 year old wrists so that the nightly rapes she endured stopped ?

Where were they when I was Brooke, when every second of the life I lived was spent fighting because there's no other way for a homeless woman to survive in the streets of a devasted New York ?

Where were they when I was Catherine and died in a pool of my own blood, holding the corpse of my lifeless newborn ?

Where were they when I was Amelia and died in a car crash that killed a whole family in the other car, as well as my own kid in the backseat ?

Where were they when I went from being 31 to being 15 again, and lost once again every bit of a life I had built ?

Where were they when I was my own mother and had to watch myself die ?

If they knew and did nothing, then I think I know all I need to know about them. I don't want to play a part in whatever they're doing. I don't care if I'm an aberration of nature or the result of a freak experiment. I don't want to serve anyone. I don't want to « learn ».

April 9th, 5.01pm, 2017

Ok, ok. I could be freaking out over nothing. He could be someone who works in the building, who read my posts and guessed my identity. Maybe he's pulling a prank on me ?

April 10th, 10.06am, 2017

Something happened on the bus to work.

I was hit with a déjà-vu so intense my head started to throb. She wasn't the girl with the yellow skirt, but someone much younger. 15-ish ? Curly black hair, dark brown eyes, freckles, rather cute, really. I had never met her, but I *knew* her.

I didn't see anything, this time. The déjà-vu wasn't about a moment, it was about *her*.

When she spoke, her tone was so low I could barely pick up what she said.

« Don't ask me anything. I can't answer. But please stop posting. You're not ready yet. You just have to learn. If you don't know yet, then you still have to learn. You're only making this more difficult for yourself. If only you stopped fighting, you could be ready so soon. »

Her tone was almost pleading. She kept her glaze ahead while talking. After a few seconds of silence, she finally turned to look at me.

« I miss you. »

My tears started falling down, years of them, a waterfall on my cheeks and neck.

« You can't do that, you can't, you can't just come and tell me to stop asking questions and to stop talking and to just shut up, you can't ! I'm not a puppet, I'm not your toy, please stop it, I'd do whatever it takes, please, please, I can't take it anymore, you forced me to be my own mother, please, please, please... »

People were starting to give me weird looks, but she wasn't even listening anymore. The bus had come to an halt, she was already getting up.

I grabbed her wrist desperately. She shook herself free and bended down so that her face was close to mine. Her face expressed equal parts anger and pain.

« Stop whining, Parthenos. You never had a mother».

And with that, she was gone.

I've looked up Parthenos. It means « virgin » in Greek. I'm not a virgin, I've never set foot in Greece, and as far I know, I've never been someone who had greek origins. If she knows as much about me as she seems to, she should know that.

As much as it scares me to admit it, though, that word feels familiar.

April 10th, 1.04pm, 2017

I know who she is. I don't know how, but I know who she is.

When I was Alicia, I didn't have many friends. I was a lonely kid who tried to avoid contact with others as much as I could. I didn't trust anyone, and I didn't want anyone to know what was going on at home.

I could have killed him. I could have killed my stepdad. Before I was Alicia, I was Meryl. Meryl knew all about killing people. She didn't like it, and it wasn't nice being Meryl, but she had to. That's why I stayed for as long as I could. People needed her. The job had to be done.

So yes, I could have killed him. But I didn't. I didn't want to get sent to jail or to a psych ward. When I decided to end it, I just killed myself instead.

But while I was Alicia, there was one person I trusted. Her name was Victoria. She had long, shiny blond hair and a seemingly perfect life, yet she chose, for some reason, to hang out with the school weirdo. I was so grateful for her.

I remember that once, we were watching tv in her living room when I saw myself smiling on a picture on the wall. Myself, as Rebecca. I knew it was before I arrived in Rebecca's body : I had memories of this, but they were not firsthand memories.

When I asked Victoria about the woman in the picture, she said it was her grandmother. That gave me chills.

And now, that girl on the bus. I know she's Victoria.

April 10th, 3.42pm, 2017

I got another letter at work. Brought by the same man, according to the secretary. She paid more attention to him this time : definitely in his thirties, black straight hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, dressed smart in a dark blue suit. I still have no idea who he is.

I'm scared to open the letter.

April 10th, 3.55pm, 2017

Black ink on a simple sheet of white paper.

« Let's get coffee tomorrow, my dear niece.

8am, Starbucks on Crowne St.

Be careful who you talk to.

H. ».

---------------------------------

PART 4 (FINAL)

April 11th, 2017, 7.56am

He's already sitting at a table when I walk into the coffeeshop. Black suit, black shirt, black hair, and those striking blue eyes. He looks about 32, maybe 33, definitely not older than 34.

Sophia is 27. If he really is my uncle, then he definitely wasn't talking about this life.

He notices me and waves, and as I meet his eyes, my head starts to throb. Just like when I saw that girl on the bus. Victoria, or whatever she's called now.

I walk to his table and sit in front of him.

Neither of us say a word.

Then he starts smiling. Bigger, and bigger, and bigger. He doesn't look threatening though, he looks.. Entertained. That pisses me off so much.

« -Having fun, eh ? You and your friends must be having a blast, messing up with my life ! What are you ? Scientists ? Did you make your little freak experiment with me ? »

He shakes his head, still smiling.

« A cult, then ? »

That makes him chuckle.

« Oh no, no. We're definitely not worshipping anyone. » He laughs even harder at that.

« Calm down. I'm not responsible for what's happening to you, ok ? It just... Happened. You needed it.».

« It just happened ?! That's your explanation ? I just happened to have my life fucking cursed ? »

He sighs and takes his head in his hands.

« Why do you always have to be so dramatic ? I'm trying my best here, could you at least try ? »

« Try ? What am I supposed to do ? »

« Just... Remember! » He looks exsperated. « I get it, you needed it, blah blah blah, but you don't have time anymore, and now Héra found you, and... » He stops mid-sentence, shoots me an almost frightened look : « Ah, never mind. »

Hera. I feel a wave of panic through my whole body. For a few seconds, I'm confused and none of this makes sense. All I feel is fear, fear, fear, and I cannot form a coherent thought.

Then it hits me.

Long, flowing skirt. Auburn hair. The girl from the bus stop.

Not too different from her real form.

I knew Hera before I was Sophia. Before I was Alicia, Meryl, Brooke, Ciara, Jane, Alisha, Heidi, Samantha, Patricia, Amelia, Catherine, Cindy, Priyanka, Mary, Rebecca, Laura... Before I was Leah.

Before this place was unhabited.

Before humans were created.

I look at my uncle. I still see his current form, but I also see every one of his appearances since the last time I saw him.

Unlike me, he didn't have to be different people. He always looks more or less as he does now, except he alters his style to fit in whatever time period he's in.

Of course, only our kind can see him as he really is. This is no more than a disguise, a way to walk among you. But unlike some of us, he doesn't do it to manipulate you or to gain power. He genuinely always liked you, ever since I gave you life. He said you were fascinating. I didn't understand why, but I do now. I do.

He looks alarmed when he sees that I'm tearing up.

I choke on my own tears : « Oh, Dis... »

I've always called him by this nickname, even though he hated it. *Mostly* because he hated it, and it was fun to annoy him.

I can see relief flowing over his face. A tear rolls on his tanned, smooth cheek, and he grabs my hand :

« About time. We need you. »

« Hestia came to talk to me on the bus yesterday. Is she ok ? »

« She is. She always kept an eye on you. »

I'm crying now. The kind of sobs that leave you out of breath, a mess of snot and tears and mascara rivers.

I squeeze back Hades' hand and let myself break down.

I'm back.

I needed to learn. It's both a blessing and a curse to be the incarnation of Wisdom and War. Violence is a part of me, but resorting to it have always felt like failing.

As humans multiplied, violence and war were everywhere. I did all I could, but your wars drained me.

By becoming too involved in your conflicts, I ended up forgetting my nature.

I wanted to end you, wipe you off, so we could have some peace. But some of my kind wouldn't let that happen. They have different plans for you.

Since I couldn't end you, I had to find another way. I didn't understand you, and there were so many of you. I couldn't answer your calls. I needed to learn. I needed to experience the spectrum of human emotions. So I became one of you.

What I've learned is that you are, indeed, insignificant. Earth would be a more peaceful place without you.

You can kill, rape, torture, bully, kidnap, mutilate, harass, enslave...

In other words, you are just like us.

But you are also capable of love. I've seen that. I've felt that.

Learning time is over, now. Dark times are ahead.

More wars are coming. Some of us are going to make sure they happen.

But I'll be there, humans.

I am Athena Parthenos.

I am Athena Nikè.

I am Athena Pallas, daughter of Zeus, niece of Hera, Hades, Hestia, Demeter and Poseidon, granddaughter of Chronos and Rhea, great-grand daughter of Gaia and Uranus.

I never had a mother, but I know motherly love.

I can't be hurt by human weapons, but I know the pain of blades and fists.

I can't get sick, but I know the misery of illness.

I don't age, but I know the affliction of old age.

I can't be killed, but I know what death feels like.

I am ready. I hope you are too.

#writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #writers of horror #greek mythology #hades #hera #ignisaurumprobat19 #sixpenceee #that's some sixpenceee shit

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2tsrwzsba-blog · 5 years ago

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