#i used to think whole foods was fancy until i went to market of choice

[by-ilmater]

i am, unfortunately, hopelessly addicted to the fancy french yogurt that comes in the little clay pots, and i have to go to the rich people grocery store to get them (market of choice, which is kinda like the oregon version of erewon) i wandered into the wine section on this last trip and felt so out of place lmaooooo

[buglord-isaac]

Life Model - Part 1

Four weeks off sounded like a living nightmare for Ghost. Training and fighting was what kept him in routine and out of destructive thoughts. But… being shot in the leg did cause… issues. For his time healing, he had to walk with a crutch under his right arm, so he didn’t put weight on his injured right leg. Price had forced him to take those four weeks off, and had sent him to a paid-for apartment in a nearby city. Surely, he must’ve thought, Ghost would find *something* to do in a city.

No.

For the first week, he sulked in his room, laying in bed until he eventually went stir crazy and started exploring the surrounds. Coincidentally, that week of sulking and not moving did wonders for his leg. Sure, he wasn’t able to walk on it yet, but it was a whole lot less achy when he was out walking.

He started by establishing a walking route. This apartment he was forced to stay in was in the outskirts of the city. It would take an hour to walk to the city centre and an hour back. This was what Ghost decided to do. An hour to the city centre, buy food, go back ‘home’, eat, go walking in the nearby park.

This new ‘schedule’ turned out… rather good. The walking made him feel more useful. Less stir crazy. He was able to soak in the sun, or what warmth from the sun seeped through his jumper and mask. It was refreshing.

On the third day of these walks, Ghost noticed a community noticeboard full to the brim with papers advertising jobs, sales, events, and various religious preachings. Maybe here would be where he would find something *entertaining* to do.

“Group Prayer” - no thanks. Ghost didn’t particularly believe in that mumbo jumbo.

“Join the army!” - been there done that.

“Markets on Sunday morning! 6am!” - he’d consider it. Markets always had the best food.

He flicked through some of the notes until he found a hand written one pinned up with two blue pins. The penmanship was phenomenal.

“In need of life models to draw. Quiet environment. Music or no music. Any body shape, any gender, any clothing choices. Text me:”

This… wasn’t something that would usually interest Ghost. But today, after being cooped up in an apartment for months… it piqued his interest. He took a photo of a few of the notices, then made his way back to the apartment. He had bought a few food items that he could store and eat, as well as some fancy looking tea to drink while doing mundane and brain numbing shit such as reading a book Price had given him.

He made a cup of said tea, no sugar and no milk, he was sweet enough already (he lied to himself), and sat down at the tiny dining table. Here, he could write the dates of some of the interesting events from that noticeboard. When he got to the life drawing advertisement, however, he put down his pen and journal and texted the number.

He was acting on a whim and he knew it, but this would surely be more interesting than staying home.

“I saw your notice in the city. I think I would be interested in being drawn.”

The number responded almost immediately.

“Nice!! When are you free? :)”

Emoticons… stupid.

“Any time. The sooner the better.”

“Oh sweet :) tomorrow? I live about half an hour away from the city.”

“Time?”

“Any time in the morning, then we can have all day. Sound good?”

“Yes.”

“Cool!” The number sent their address. “I’m Johnny, by the way.”

“Ghost. I’ll try to come around 10:00AM.”

“Sounds perfect, see you then :)”

Tomorrow, 10am… with this overly friendly man named Johnny who he’s never met… fun. Ghost sipped his tea and sighed. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind him having a mask on and crutches. He *had* said anyone could be drawn. And yet… he felt as if he had to warn him.

“By the way, I’m a military officer on a break because I’m injured. I have a crutch and I will be masked the whole time. Is that okay?”

“Perfectly fine. I like variety.”

Johnny responded so fast…

[nickgerlich]

Too Much Bread

At the risk of sounding really old—I know, that may be a foregone conclusion already—it’s fun to slip into storytelling mode. And believe me, now that I’m into my 36th year at WT, I have plenty of them. Your job is to nudge me if I start to tell you the same story again down the road.

I remember my very first semester here in the Fall of 1989. I was teaching a Principles of Marketing class among others, and since we didn’t have the internet on campus, and certainly not online courses, this was a twice-weekly face-fo-face encounter.

And there was a young woman in that class who brought plenty of her own stories to each session. As much as my Midwest accent betrayed my origins, her thick eastern European accent suggested strongly she wasn’t at all even remotely from around here.

Turns out she and her family had recently immigrated to Amarillo from Poland, or as it was known when they were escaping it, the Polish People’s Republic. It was anything but a republic, because it was under the control of the USSR. Think rationing, shortages, and the usual ineptness associated with that regime.

In one particular class session we were discussing consumer choice. I had thrown out such lofty topics as product attributes, price, manufacturers, and the like, things we kind of take for granted. We know we can just go to any supermarket and enter a world bazaar of products. We are pretty accustomed to having choices.

But she wasn’t.

She related how people relied on the grapevine and scattered news alerts that bread was available at the local supermarket, which, based on her recollections, wasn’t all that super. Think empty shelves. And when they did have bread, there was one kind. Take it or leave it. One size fits all. If they ran out, oh well.

It was thus no surprise when she and her family froze in our supermarkets, because not only did we have bread all the time—well, aside from when they put the word “snow” in the weather forecast—we have 30 or more varieties. Cheap bread. Whole wheat bread. Rye bread. Fancy breads. You name it, we have bread. You might think we grow some wheat around here.

My student went on, one tale after another, of how their transition to the US, albeit one they wanted, was difficult if only because we have it so good here. I wisely put down my lecture notes and let her do the talking, because I couldn’t begin to teach as well as she was doing.

In contrast, we have grown numb to so much choice, and once we have determined “our brand,” we can boldly walk down the bread aisle and quickly cut through all the clutter, grabbing the one we always do.

Well, that is until they are out of it, or life throws you a curveball, like my wife and a recent diagnosis of being pre-diabetic. Another family member was just declared Type 1 diabetic. Both are having to make massive dietary changes, which essentially means reading every damn label and trying to cut out carbs. That’s no easy task in a country that grows so much wheat and corn. Most of our food is little carbohydrate bombs.

The same holds true when you are trying something new, like following a recipe for a new dish, and you are starting with a clean slate, no accumulated memory, little or no product knowledge. A person could spend an hour in the store trying to figure out which curry or pho noodles to buy.

It’s an interesting conundrum we have here, living in the land of abundance with more choices than we can begin to tally. Amazon alone has more than 12 million products. Enter a search query and wait to be overwhelmed. And yet we somehow manage to survive.

Sometimes, though, too much choice can be crippling, as I was trying to convey a few days ago when I said that “less is more.” At least sometimes it is, and only to a point. Grocery chains like Aldi and Trader Joe’s abide by this mantra, with only about 4000 items, compared to the 45,000 you will find at major chains.

There’s actually a line of academic inquiry of this phenomenon called the Paradox of Choice. As you can imagine, the conclusion is that having too many options can lead to decision fatigue, and even post-purchase regret. It’s a topic we will discuss again later in the course. It is also a topic that can be applied into other arenas, like the Mating Game. Think about all of the prospects for the partner of your dreams. Yikes! It is no wonder that dating can be exhausting. It’s kind of like shopping in the world’s largest supermarket.

Thankfully, when it comes to less complicated acquisitions—bread versus a life partner—we have developed a defense system, as I noted earlier. We can blur the background like on a Zoom call, and focus on the one thing we want. It’s just that it doesn’t always work like that.

I wonder whatever happened to that young woman. She’s got to be in her late-50s now, and no doubt long acclimated to the land of plenty. In her extreme state, though, as a newbie here, it was the perfect illustration for how too much choice can lead to headaches.

I am sure, though, that it was a hell of a lot better than standing in a queue in Krakow hoping there’s still a loaf of bread left when it’s my turn to get in.

Dr “I’ll Take Paradoxes For $1000, Alex” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[guerilla935]

My Favorite Fishing in Video Games Where Fishing is Not Core Game Play

A really awesome surprise for me is always to boot up a game that is full of action and suspense to be introduced to a fishing side activity. I have toiled away at fishing in games for hundreds of hours at least. It has gotten so bad in some instances that my friends have asked me why I haven’t just taken the plunge into real fishing. It’s definitely because that is a lot of work and in real life I don’t catch a fish every 30 seconds. They have also wondered why I don’t just play a fishing simulator like Planet Fishing (Shout out to Planet Fishing that’s a great game). And that’s where I have to think for a while. Fishing while you have better things to do like save the world is very special. You aren’t fishing because it’s the objective of the game or because that’s why you are there, you are fishing because it’s fun and maybe you need a break to swing a fishing rod instead of a sword. And then you can stop, and get back to fighting or whatever the rest of the game entails. Below are games that have fishing in them for mostly no reason at all. I have shamelessly spent way to long with my bait in these waters and absolutely loved every second of it and I hope that you (the reader) can find a lot of relaxation in these waters as well.

Pokemon Series

Since the very first Pokemon game there has been fishing. You get the old rod from some guy and then you are free to fish up as many goldfishes that you want hoping that one of them will grow up to be a 21 foot tall dragon. Pokemon has combined their fishing with their main game play and makes you at least start a battle with the fish you drag onto shore. Now fishing in Pokemon is pretty subpar mainly because a single Pokemon game hasn’t really been known to have more than a handful of Pokemon that you can fish for. Also if you are looking for a strong water type Pokemon you could do a lot better than fishing for it. Typically a Pokemon player will fish about 5-10 times total. And although fishing for Pokemon isn’t all that great it has been in every game for over 20 years and that is pretty impressive. It’s a small detail that makes the world of Pokemon feel like a real world of wild creatures.

Sonic Adventure DX

In Sonic Adventure DX you are given the choice to play as a lot of different characters, one of which is named Big the Cat. Most of the characters are combat characters that rely on speed and attacks to get through levels, some even wielding rocket launchers and extremely oversized hammers. However when you start the story of Big the Cat you are thrown in a completely opposite direction. Big the Cat is a giant purple cat who lives in the jungle with his best friend Froggy. Froggy accidentally swallows one of the most powerful objects in the Sonic universe and Big the Cat must chase him all over the world trying to fish him out of where he is hiding so that he can eject the Chaos Emerald out of him and they can return to their life in the jungle. The fishing mechanics in this game actually are really good and this is probably because Sega had just put out a series of mildly successful Bass fishing games before releasing this game. Either way its absolutely hilarious that Big the Cat gets to defeat Chaos 6 right before Super Sonic has his showdown with Chaos Perfect.

Final Fantasy XV

In Final Fantasy XV you play as Noctis and his favorite hobby is fishing. When I first played this game I sped through it and never fished once and reached the end of the game never indulging Noctis in his hobby. When I replayed Final Fantasy XV I fished for 50 hours and then ejected the disc from my console. The fishing in Final Fantasy XV is surprisingly deep with a lot of the vendors supporting what you could call a fishing road trip. In the game it is extremely dangerous to be out at night so I would plan day trips to lakes to maximize the amount of fishing I would get to do. I would prepare days in advance to make sure I could afford the trip and that I had enough supplies to both protect myself at the lake and have enough supplies to last the whole day. Final Fantasy XV really is a game about getting really distracted and fishing is probably its best distraction. My days on the lake were the perfect balance of peaceful and rewarding, this game offers an awesome reward of well planned trips and a good haul of fish.

Final Fantasy XIV Online

Final Fantasy XIV is the only game I have ever played where the fishing played exactly like its combat. When you are fighting enemies in a dungeon in FFXIV you are constantly adding buffs, landing hits, using consumables, and managing resource bars. When you are fishing in FFXIV you are constantly adding buffs, landing hits, using consumables, and managing resource bars. Note you are doing so at a much more leisurely and less life threatening pace but you are still doing it. I never maxed out the fisher class but I got it into the expansion content which was a really long and relaxing experience. Yet another Final Fantasy title where the real meat of the game is in getting distracted. When you fish you also sell on a player market that fluctuates based on market price just like real fish. You get the relaxing fishing side of the game and also an aggressive economic number crunching side as well. I spent way too long with a real pen and paper deciding how much I should sell for on any particular day and bossing around my two cat girl employees.The MMO aspect of the game adds so much to what you would expect to be a very solitary experience.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Have you ever gone fishing for hours to receive an empty bottle? That is exactly what kick started my addiction to fishing in Twilight Princess. An empty bottle in Twilight Princess means another way to heal yourself, another way to add oil to a lantern, another way to carry useless water around. The only way to get the 4th bottle in the game is to go to a dedicated fishing spot and fish until you pulled it out of the pond. The actual fishing is pretty weird, it involves motion controls which I still am not entirely sure what they do or how to properly use them but it is really fun to hold the pole in gyroscope and set the lure in the water waiting for fish to come get a nibble. Although the physics with the water make it difficult to see if you have actually gotten a bite or not it still is enjoyable the other 85% of the time it works.

Stardew Valley

So this one is at the top of every other “fishing in games” list and there is a big reason for that. It’s really good. I think in my first Stardew Valley farm I gave up farming entirely and fished all day every day and stopped to buy food to replenish my energy and go back at it. I really didn’t care about getting rich or making enough money to expand the farm or get to know everyone I actually spent about 50 hours just fishing. The fishing takes some skill and a pretty keen eye but the random jerks of the fish and the rhythm of the game play are so fun to try to master. It’s a part of Stardew Valley that I felt like I was continuously improving on as time went on and it was really fun. I mean I don’t recommend it because you’ll end up moderately poor but it was really fun.

Fantasy Life

Fantasy Life offers you 12 potential jobs, you could be a brilliant blacksmith or a devious potions maker, a lumberjack or a knight, a hunter or a seamstress. However your inner dad is calling and you decide you want to play through a fantasy RPG as a fisherman, hell yeah. the story is relatively short so you can quickly unlock a lot of locales to fish at and there is a manageable economy system that lets you deal in fish in advantageous ways. You can even pick up cooking on the side and make fancy dinners and sell the fish for higher you can do that as well. Fantasy Life is like a clever mix between Animal Crossing and Final Fantasy XIV and it kind of succeeds and falls short of it. The fishing also takes a good amount of skill and rhythmic approach to master so it doesn’t get boring almost at all until you have cleared the game.

Maple Story 2

Maple Story 2 is one of the most expressive and cutest games that I have ever played. And the fishing is no different, its all about style. The fishing in Maple Story 2 is monotonous and can get old but you do it for the chibi clout. Because much like the rest of the game you can look however you want and do whatever you want and sometimes you just feel like kicking back and throwing lure in the water at the beach. I never got super into the fishing in this game but it won me over with its adorable design and stylish atmosphere.

Animal Crossing Series

Of course I had to include the most popular game right now. Animal Crossing has become something of a connection between people when we can’t leave the house. A thing we all have in common on social media and with our friends. My first experience with Animal Crossing really starts with New Horizons and I was completely blown away. The fishing isn’t super complex or difficult but the range of what you can pull out of the water and what you can do with it is absolutely breathtaking. For a game about cartoon people living with humanoid cartoon animals the fish looking photo realistic. And the museum where they can be kept is stunning. The museum looks like it was designed to capture the feel of being in a museum and matches the design of all the great real life aquariums and observatories. Although it is a bit frustrating when your rod breaks it is easy enough to make one (or worst case buy one) to get your bait back in the water.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Tell me I’m wrong, you can’t. Isabelle getting added to Smash brought a very powerful fishing move that isn’t practical all the time but is really funny. Wouldn’t recommend this game if you are looking to relax and fish but I do recommend hooking your friend with a fish hook and send them flying off screen if you had to.

Minecraft

I have a very special role in Minecraft when I join a friends server. A role that I assign to myself. While everyone is off getting awesome swords, spelunking for diamonds, and exploring the infinite landscape, I build a small wooden shack and I set up a farm with an irrigation canal and start fishing. A steady supply of food is necessary and while I’m hanging out with my friends in a server I’m happy to be the one to provide it. The fishing in this game is probably the slowest of all the ones on this list but is the most useful. just throwing the fish in the oven creates food that can help keep you and your companions alive for a long time. I think I definitely have my limits with Minecraft fishing and I couldn’t do it for hours on end it is rewarding to set up shop and find a nice place to settle down for a few hours to fish.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

This is the only Tactical RPG in this post. Fire Emblem: Three Houses has sections between combat where you can go and talk to your students and do other activities. We aren’t here to discuss other activities though we are here for the fishing. The fishing allows you to catch fish for some reason that I’m sure is good but never intrigued me enough to learn. All I know about the fishing in Fire Emblem: Three Houses is that it’s fun. I started to bust through combat just so that I could get back to fishing. The funniest part about this one is that the fish has a health bar. Pressing the A button at the exact moment finds a way to become easier and still find ways to mess you up. Either way, I’m not that interested in tactical RPGs but I heard there was fishing in this game so I had to play it and it was worth it.

Jak & Daxter: The Precursor Legacy

In Jak & Daxter, Daxter gets turned into a small animal by dark eco while exploring a dangerous island off the shore of his home with his best friend Jak. To get back to the island to investigate, the pair have to borrow a boat owned by a fisherman who is troubled by an invasive species of poisonous eel that is ruining his haul. He asks Jak to catch fish for him without catching any eels. This fishing mini game can only be done once but it is going to either be something you think is very unique or a huge waste of time. All I’ll say is that the sound that the fish makes when it goes into the net is absolutely a reward in itself it is so satisfying. But anyways, more intense than some other options here but get it done so you can get back to absorbing eco powers and jumping on stuff.

Shovel Knight

Shovel Knight is a 2D action platformer but you can also fish. And you fish for the best kind of fish, money. You can get some other stuff too like health pickups and magic replenishers but we know what you want. You see that little glint and you pop out the fishing rod and pull out those money bags. If you are devoted enough you can even get a surprise from the Troupple King (long live his highness) if you fish out the right stuff. I don’t even know if I fished all that much when I played Shovel Knight but it’s hilarious that you can.

NieR: Automata

I did not play a lot of NieR and that’s because I was fishing. I don’t know why all I did was fish but you throw your little robot in the pond and you lean on a magical stool so honestly it was good enough for me.

Club Penguin

If you know then you know. In hind sight there really wasn’t a whole lot to do in Club Penguin but this mini game really messed me up. You basically get to move up and down, catching fish and avoiding trash and other hazards. Basically trying to do this and catch as much fish as possible to avoid having to ask your parents for real money to pay for snacks to feed a virtual ball of fluff with eyeballs. I don’t really remember how challenging it really was but I remember getting decently high scores to about like 100 fish per round so I guess it was pretty easy if I could do that at age 10.

Rune Factory 4

I’m gonna be very honest about this one and say that the fishing in Rune Factory 4 is basically just Animal Crossing fishing but more anime. The fish react to the pole the same, the fish almost look the same, and the buttons to respond are the same. What makes this one special is where you can take it. You can fish in the little moat in town, in the lake, in a dungeon full of monsters, in a lake that is eternally the season fall, anywhere. You are constricted by the boundaries of Stardew Valley and that is how much energy you have and how much time you have in the day. It’s still fun to fish but I wish that they had used their fun fantasy setting to give the ability to fish up some cool made up fish instead of strictly things that exist in real life.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Ok, diving, fishing, same thing. Diving in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is just fishing with your whole body. It works a lot in the same way as Pokemon where you fish up monsters to fight and get the rewards from them. It is a completely optional activity however if you decide to undertake the grind of scavenging in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 then you will never hurt for money ever again. It makes my wonder why Rex stopped being a salvager to do odd jobs because this was PROFITABLE. The main incentive is that there are spots that spawn a certain enemy that drop cores. Cores are like gacha or loot boxes that contain new anime girl partners that deal huge damage in fights. They even have their own side quests and story lines. I spent maybe 30 hours grinding before giving up on this game and while it does become tiresome I really enjoyed the random rewards of possibly getting a new companion or a really cool weapon.

It’s been tossed around that every great RPG has fishing in it. I won’t argue that point but a lot of great RPGs certainly do have fishing in them. Everyone needs a break sometimes and fishing is the perfect activity to remind us to stop and take that break. Even games can get long and without these distractions it might be so much harder to complete these harrowing tasks. Don’t forget to take breaks and just enjoy the sound of the water every once in a while because there’s no rush playing video games.

Honorable Mentions:

Kingdom Hearts: Sora fishing with his bare hands on Destiny Island

Persona 4: Weird aqueduct fishing

Persona 5: Marina fishing life

Sea of Thieves: A pirates life for me

[jaehotbuns]

make it count

rating: pg-13

word count: 4560

characters: you x doyoung ft. taeil + donghyuck

genre: officeworkers!au, fluff, slight angst

summary: every year there’s a competition at your marketing company to win a bonus and vacation and luckily for you, you’re paired with the star player of the company. as you get closer to him, you think the rumors might not be true. until he gives you a reason to believe he is as cold and professional as everyone makes him out to be. 

[monday, 10:54am]

“Kim Doyoung, of the Finance Department will be the first member of team B,” the director of NCT Marketing Co. announced loudly into the microphone which caused the other employees to mutter to their seatmates, you and Donghyuck also included. Doyoung walked up the small flight of wooden stairs up onto the middle of the stage and placed his hands neatly in front of him, one hand on top of the other. His face was stoic, with no expression, yet still confident. 

You leaned over to Donghyuck’s ears and started to whisper, “wow whoever’s going to be on his team is lucky.” Doyoung entered the company fresh eyed with only a Bachelor’s degree and two years of internship under his belt yet he was already highly regarded due to his consistent outstanding results, perfect work ethic, and professional attitude. Although he was teased often by some workers that he was close to at the office, with everyone else he never let down his guard. 

“No thank you,” Donghyuck chuckled and shook his head. He and the other employees that knew Doyoung personally all chuckled and elbowed each other while looking at him on the stage. 

You were confused, all of the older workers shared the same thoughts as you. The company held mid-year competitions that paired members from each department to create campaigns for their biggest sponsors. The team with the best results and sales would be awarded a 15% bonus on their paycheck and a week off of work. So it was out of the question that people were crossing their fingers to be on a team with one of the company’s star employees. “Why?” You asked. “Everyone knows he always gives the best results and he’s your friend too.”

Donghyuck leaned closer to you to give you more insight. “Last year I was on the team with him and Johnny and it was a mess.” 

Still confused, you tilted your head to the side and knitted your eyebrows together. “Why? Didn’t your team win last year?” 

“Correct,” Donghyuck said. He turned his gaze over to Doyoung and shook his head while waving a finger at him in disappointment. “But Johnny and I would always leave him to work and FaceTime us having beers pretending not to work that he was so annoyed that he went to HR to ask to work alone.” 

“Wait, so you left all the work to him?”

Donghyuck scoffed and shot you a glare, “of course not! We have morals too! We finished our work early to pretend we were slacking off to mess with him.” He slapped his knee and laughed remembering the ordeal, “I didn’t think he’d actually do something so drastic though. We had to show our completed work at the meeting with HR and he suddenly yelled, ‘wait! You had it done this whole time?’” He let out a sigh of air after continuously laughing, “I need someone that I can’t make fun of.” 

“You guys are too mean,” you chuckled at the thought of Doyoung, who never shows his emotions, being teased by his friends. While you and Donghyuck were talking, Taeil was called up to the stage. “Wow this is crazy, Taeil’s on the team too?” Taeil had 5 years of experience, a Master’s degree in Business Management, and on top of that he’s loved by all of the workers at the company for his kind and helpful character. 

“Having Taeil on the team does help make uptight Doyoung more bearable,” Donghyuck laughed with his hand covering his mouth. You rolled your eyes, Donghyuck always acted like a school kid at work but it seemed like he took particular joy from making fun of Doyoung. 

Your eyes travelled back to the stage and watched the director look back at his cue cards and pull the microphone back to his chin to announce the final member. “And the last member of team B will be… The newest addition of our company!” 

You blanked out, did he just call your name? You sat there confused until Donghyuck slapped your arm lightly and hissed, “that’s you dummy! Go up!” Snapping out of your daze, you walked over to the stage and next to Doyoung who eyed you from the corner of his eye. All of you bowed towards your coworkers and walked down the stage to seats that had sheets of paper with ‘team B’ on them. 

All of you introduced yourselves quietly and briefly as the other teams were being announced and you sat awkwardly next to Doyoung with Taeil on the left side of him while you on his right. As you were watching silently, Doyoung turned to you and asked softly, “so you’re the newest one in the company?” You nodded with your eyes still on the stage, too intimidated to look at him. “First competition then?” You nodded again. He held his slender hand out to you, “let’s work together well.” You placed your hand in his and he gave you a firm handshake. When you looked up at him you saw his eyes slightly smile and the corner of his mouth curl up to form a small smile. 

After every team was formed, everyone went into their respective meeting rooms and started to prep. Teams from previous years were given tasks of marketing fashion collections, sports drinks, or even ginseng and herbal supplements but this year everyone was given a piece of real estate. Yours was a beautiful guest house near Haeundae beach in Busan. 

With your roles already assigned according to the departments that you were in, you were prepping the project that was due in only a week’s time which would make the bonus worth more with how much overtime you were able to do. Taeil was in charge of operations, Doyoung with finance and budgeting, and you with creative control. 

You were all deep in thought with how you were going to market the beautiful property, as although it was in a great location and had modern and a chic interior; people usually took day trips or rented cheap hostels for the night as they only rented to sleep, not to spend time in rentals when they’d spend all day at the nearby attractions. Doyoung tapped his pen lightly against the marbled table surface. “How about we start with themes? That should give us an idea of which platform we can promote on.” Taeil looked up at the corner of the ceiling and hummed in thought.

Doyoung’s eyes caught yours, prompting you to pitch an idea. “How about we advertise to college students?” Both Taeil and Doyoung’s eyes were locked on you, totally immersed in what you were saying. “We can promote summer trips where they can have fun at the beach and amusement park and bring home food and enjoy the guest house.” 

They both nodded but you could tell they weren’t convinced. “College students probably want to barbecue and drink which in turn makes noise complaints and a bad reputation of the place in the community,” Taeil started softly. His kind eyes looked at you and you knew he didn’t want to shoot down your idea but it just wasn’t plausible. “Also, it’s quite high in price for each night so it’s out of budget for most college students.” You nodded in agreement, slightly disappointed in yourself at your quick suggestion. 

“Families are also a no-go,” Doyoung sighed. He placed his hands on the back of his neck in frustration. “Their kids won’t care about some fancy house, they’re most likely to stay with relatives or to just have a day trip.”

“Tourists?” You suggested. 

“They’re most likely to go to Seoul,” Doyoung sighed. 

“School orientations?” You said without confidence.

“Schools are going to budget and choose the cheapest option,” Doyoung refuted. “And this place can only house up to 4 people.” 

Every suggestion of yours was shot down and the morale of the group seemed like it was diminishing. You were all excited to get handed such a beautiful rental  until you realized why it was in need of marketing with all the difficulties that arose. You felt even more at fault as you were the one in charge of creative design and yet couldn’t come up with a theme. 

In your self-wallowing, you didn’t even notice that Doyoung left the room until he came back and set down a can of warm black coffee for Taeil, a cold can of milk coffee for himself and a cold iced mocha for you. “Did you go all the way to the Starbucks in the lobby?” Taeil asked as there were only vending machines with warm and cold coffee cans on the current floor.

Doyoung opened his can and started to sip his drink, “I met Donghyuck at the machines.” He handed you a straw and the coffee, “he said you didn’t like canned coffee.” 

Taeil nearly snorted the coffee out of his nose when he heard Doyoung’s last sentence, trying to repress his laughter while Doyoung shot daggers at him. “Thank you,” you said bashfully. 

Your cheeks were warming up from Doyoung’s sweet action while you were sipping on the sweet whipped cream topping until an idea popped into your head. “Couples!” Taeil and Doyoung looked up at you in surprise and confusion. “A guest house near the beach would be romantic! They’re not loud and will find tranquility in the silence and it’s less expensive than a hotel yet you get a better view and interior than a hostel.” 

The two men looked at each other in agreement. “That’s a great idea, rookie,” Doyoung smiled. 

The rest of the day went by like a blur. Making a bold move, Doyoung decided on creating a commercial compared to other teams who focused on making billboards or promotional events at food chains. A risky choice, but you trusted him. 

Taeil was glued to the phone all day with calls to directors, models, set designers, stylists, and everyone you needed for the commercial. You watched as the veins in his neck twitch slightly as he constantly negotiated outrageous offers when you would grab him water from the kitchen. 

And you were busy planning out the details of the commercial. The camera angles, the way the light hits, the clothing, the set, and most importantly the story. The first frame was of the couple cooking, eating, and in the hot tub to show the house’s interior. The second was of them along the beach, and b-rolls of nearby attractions to showcase the area. Finally the highlight was of the couple drifting off to sleep for a sentimental feel. 

As you were immersed in your sketch, you didn’t notice Doyoung peering through your shoulder. He was so close that his chin was nearly touching your shirt and you didn’t notice until he exhaled which travelled down your neck which the white shirt you wore exposed. You jumped and peered back at him, his face inches aways from yours as he didn’t move back. “Focused?” 

You nodded and whipped your head back in embarrassment. You could feel the blood rushing up to your cheeks and forehead, warming up your face. He sat onto the chair next to you and held your sketch in his hand to look at it closely. “This is great,” he said under his breath. He finally looked up and into your eyes. “Where’d you get the information for this?” 

“Hm, not information…” You began. “I wanted to show the benefits subtly while keeping the romantic aspect.” 

“It’ll work,” he said before standing up and walking over to the door. 

“How do you know?”

Doyoung didn’t turn around to answer you but he stopped in his tracks before replying. “Because it makes me want to go.” He left the room and shut the door but through the glass walls you could see the tips of his ears a bright red before he walked past the room. 

[thursday, 12:34pm] 

You looked at your watch nervously as staff scattered around the set of the guest house to get ready for the first shot of the commercial. The models were supposed to be on set at 9am sharp for makeup and hairstyling but they were nowhere to be seen. To fill up the time, the crew had shot b-roll first which put the schedule out of balance. 

Your hopes were up when Doyoung came into the door running straight to you until you saw that his eyebrows were twisted in disappointment and stress. “Taeil said they bailed,” he huffed. You saw beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. He was running around the neighbourhood looking for possible agencies nearby but there was no luck. Even if there was a talent agency, they wouldn’t do well without the script or a contract. 

“Why would they do this to us?” You asked out of frustration. 

“They said that they had a better offer,” he stood up and controlled his breathing. “I have a feeling that another team might have poached them though.” You would like to believe someone at the company wouldn’t do that but considering the monetary bonus and time off you wouldn’t be surprised. It was even less surprising that they decided to do it to Doyoung and Taeil who had both won before. 

“What do we do now?” You searched his eyes for answers but they were shaking with uncertainty. 

“We can get b-roll and figure something out later, we can’t go by the script now.” He opened his phone and checked the date. “We have until Sunday, four days is enough to redo our plan.” 

In a hurry he was about to walk past you to tell the film director until you grabbed his arm to stop him. “We can’t stop now, we’d be wasting our money on makeup, hair, stylists, all these people.  And what about all the time I’ve spent on this?” 

“Our budget was tight but we can make it happen,” he shook his arm out of your grip, Although he calmed his breathing from running before, it was getting more rushed with his growing frustration. 

Before he could turn around you blurted out to him, “what about my plan? All my hours overtime working on this, is it going down the drain?” 

He rolled his eyes, taking you aback at how coldly he was treating you. “Yes, unfortunately but that’s how it is sometimes.” 

Heat spread across your body. You weren’t sure if it was hurt, anger, or sadness. Maybe a combination of all three. You couldn’t believe that you spent four days putting so much thought and care into your dream board and it was all going down the drain. You felt stupid thinking that Doyoung believed in you and your ideas. But you felt even more stupid working harder because he was the one that believed in you. 

You were about to make a call to gather the staff to the guest house until Taeil burst through the door with a couple. He brought them to you and Doyoung who simultaneously walked over to them. “Donghyuck had some friends he knew in the area.” You thanked them awkwardly as there was still tension in the air. 

For the rest of the day, filming went smoothly and according to schedule although it was rushed due to lost time. Taeil went back to the office to deal with the mess that the sabotagers left your team while you and Doyoung stayed on set to make sure things went according to plan. 

“Alright that’s a wrap!” The director clapped his hands which prompted you and Doyoung to bow and thank every staff that left the door. When every person left, you locked the door to gather your things which left only you and Doyoung. 

As you put your belongings into your bag, in the corner of your eye you could see Doyoung pacing back and forth awkwardly. When you were ready to go, you stood up and were headed towards the door until you heard Doyoung speak out softly. “Hey.” You turned around to face him with your hand on the door knob. “I’m sorry.” 

Your hand gripped the smooth metal of the round door knob and grit your teeth to force out, “it’s okay. You said it happens.” 

He walked over with apologetic eyes and took your hand softly off the handle. “No, I was panicking and didn’t even ask you for your opinion or even Taeil’s before deciding to scrap your idea.” You were trying to avoid eye contact but he made it impossible as everywhere you looked he was trying to look into your eyes. You could see that he was earnest. “I know you worked hard on it.” 

You were left speechless. You wanted to forgive him but you were still hurt. You didn’t know what your feelings were, never mind how to verbalize them. He smiled softly, “how about we talk over a drink?” All you could do was nod. 

Once Doyoung got two bottles of soju out of the fridge, both of you sat on the wooden deck that faced the beach. The sky was a dark indigo blue and had tiny white stars scattering the sky. You felt the cool wind brush back your hair while the warm soju warmed your throat and stomach. “I worked hard on that story board.” You said it without thought and you didn’t look at him. The alcohol was lowering your inhibitions. 

Your eyes were fixed on the waves crashing onto the shore but from the corner of your eye you could see him facing you. “I didn’t do it with a lot of thought at first,” you turned to face him this time with a sad smile. “But I started to care about it because you said you liked it.” 

His eyes looked sad, “I really did.” Doyoung moved his body closer to you, his leg brushing over yours slightly. “I was being selfish when I thought I could fix it all myself.” You both listened to the soft sounds of the water in between moments of silence. “I’m glad it all worked out in the end though.”

“I reacted emotionally,” you sighed. “I should’ve stayed composed during the mess.” You laughed a little, “I’m sorry too.” 

You looked down at your thighs which were hanging off the wooden platform until you felt Doyoung lightly tap your head with his hand playfully, “why are you apologizing to me rookie? You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He pat your hand reassuringly until he pulled away abruptly and placed it on the floor as he realized he let his guard down. 

You smiled and placed your hand on top of his, his surprised eyes met yours. “Thank you, for believing in me.” 

Doyoung laughed, it was the first time you’ve seen him laugh your whole year at the company. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m capable of having emotions too.” 

“So you’re aware that people think that you’re a cold robot that only works and doesn’t smile?” 

His bright smile turned into a pout with his eyes squinting at you at your teasingly harsh words, “I’m aware but that’s a little rough the way you put it.” He folded his arms across his chest, sulking slightly. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at his cute expression, “Donghyuck was right.” He turned to you again with the same pout and sharp eyes, “teasing you is fun.” 

Doyoung scoffed and shook his head in disbelief, “that little brat,” he muttered under his breath. 

“I think it’s cute,” you said to console him. He stopped in his fit and turned to look at you with an expression of amusement on his face. You instantly regretted saying that as the corner of his mouth upturned into a smirk with an eyebrow raised smuggly. You grabbed the soju next to you and took a long swig to try and calm your nerves. 

Once you turned to your right to set the bottle down, when you turned back to your right you said Doyoung’s face inches away from yours. You felt the warmth from his cheeks radiate next to yours and smelled his warm musky cologne from the nape of his neck. “That look on your face,” he said softly with his lips ghostly over yours. “It’s cute.” You closed your eyes as you felt him move in closer. 

His soft pink lips only grazed yours slightly until a phone call caused the both of you to jump back. Both of you patted your blazers down hastily to check your phones until he raised his hand up to you, “it’s mine.” 

He placed the phone up to his ear after accepting the call, “what,” he seethed into the phone annoyed at the caller and the fact that your moment was interrupted. 

Even though it wasn’t on speaker phone you could hear Donghyuck’s whiny voice blare through the phone’s speaker. “Doyoung-ah!” Doyoung muttered curse words under his breath and rolled his eyes. “Come play with me and Renjun, we need a ride home.”

“Am I your chauffeur?” Doyoung lectured over the phone. He placed his phone close to his eye with his hand covering his mouth to direct his voice over the phone and not to you, not realizing that he was talking loudly out of frustration making you laugh to yourself. “I’m on a business trip! I’m hanging up!” 

Before he could hang up, you heard Donghyuck slur out a teasing remark. “Oho, this late? Is it only with your ‘rookie?’ Hahaha I doubt you’d stay with Taeil this late-” Doyoung grit his teeth and hung up. 

Doyoung looked over at you and saw you trying to laugh quietly to yourself and his face heated up at the thought of you hearing their conversation. “So,” you began. “How are we supposed to make it back?” You held up your empty soju bottle, insinuating that you both couldn’t drive in your conditions. 

“There’s two rooms in this place,” Doyoung said while rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “We could each take a room.” He didn’t want you to take the wrong idea so he started to tipsily rambling, “there’s separate bathrooms too. I won’t leave my room and there’s locks on the door-”

“Sure, no problem,” you laughed. You stood up and brushed yourself off from the sand that wind blew through the patio. You held your hand out to Doyoung to help him up. His hand was warming up your cold hands as you pulled his sturdy frame up. “We can keep this a secret between us.”

[monday, 11:49am]

Applause filled the presentation room as team A with Yeri, Donghyuck, and Jeno finished their presentations. All of them were near your age yet presented their billboard design and pitch flawlessly with charisma and confidence. You watched them bow and walk off the stage while high-fiving each other and nervousness only grew in the pit of your stomach when you watched the stage engineer setting up your powerpoint. 

Doyoung looked down and saw your body shaking subconsciously. He placed his hand on your shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “hey. Believe in yourself, you should be proud of everything you did.” 

Although you appreciated the sentiment, you were still terrified of messing up especially with Taeil and Doyoung on your team. If you messed up then everyone would think that you dragged the team down with you considering you were the one with the least experience. 

Doyoung placed his other hand on your shoulder and turned your body to face him. He leaned down so that you two were eye level now. Sincerity was written all over his face as he gazed into your eyes, “don’t think of winning, or losing, or me and Taeil. Think about how nice it felt at the beach house and think of how much you want other couples to experience it too.” He turned you back to face the stage before letting go of your shoulders and giving you an encouraging pat on the back. 

You breathed in deeply and let out a long exhale before squaring your shoulders and walking out on the stage on cue of the director. 

[monday, 9:26pm]

“Cheers!” Taeil shouted in glee as he raised his glass of beer. 

“Cheers!” Everyone else followed as they bumped their glasses into the middle, with white foam lightly spraying on your shirts as the heavy jugs collided with each other. 

After the director announced that your team had won the competition, Taeil invited your group and other close colleagues out to celebrate with the bill on him. 

“This is what happens when you put two geezers on a team together,” Donghyuck whined as he took a sip of his beer. He made a satisfying exhale after his swig and slammed the glass down on the wooden bar counter like an old man. “It’s unfair. You should the young ones win for once.”

Doyoung’s eyes fired up as he glared at Donghyuck, “hey, just because we’re older than you doesn’t mean we're the oldest in the company! What about the people in their 40’s and 50’s?!” 

Donghyuck slapped his back twice, adding more insult to injury, “okay gramps, calm down don’t want you to get too excited.” 

Everyone at the counter laughed, already used to this exchange but never getting old seeing Doyoung getting continuously frustrated. As the other people got on to their private conversations, Doyoung turned his chair to face you and held his glass up, giving you personal cheers. While you took a sip, he set his cup down. “What are you going to do with your week off?” 

You wiped the foam off of your lips with the tips of your fingers before setting your drink down on the counter. “I’m not sure,” you shrugged. “Since everyone’s still working I can’t really go out with other people, so I’ll probably just stay home.” 

Doyoung shook his head, “what’s the fun in that?” 

You laughed, “oho, you’re one to talk about fun.” You teased and he smiled at you, not even pretending to be annoyed. “What are you going to do?”

“Stay home too,” he said regretfully. “Unless you want to rent the guest house with me?”

“Didn’t we already go there together?” You asked, excited about what his proposal was going to lead to.

“That was different…” His legs were wrapped around the bar stool and he was swirling back and forth nervously. “I want to go there for what our commercial intended…”

You tilted your head to the side in thought, “‘what our commercial intended?’” His eyes were looking at you nervously as you tried to get where he was going. “For couples?” 

He nodded shyly, “how about we go there as a couple?” You noticed his tipsy habit of rambling when he was nervous. Or maybe rambling was his nervous habit whether he had alcohol or not. “I mean unless you don’t want to, that’s completely fine. I don’t want to pressure you or anything, you can use your free week however you want. I’m not saying we’re a couple-” 

You placed your hand on top of his, “let’s go then.” 

Doyoung’s eyes twinkled under the bar’s hazy yellow light, “let’s see where it takes us.”

[acommonloon]

TL;DR

What a delicious memorable night!

Except, I returned to the scene of a crime and got a last call beer and I'm a little disturbed I can't remember what it was. Let me think.

Oh that's right. I remember now.

____________________________________________________________

I remember hours before, going in The Raven, circling the bar before walking back out, not a single beer worth the time to drink it.

I remember darting across two busy lanes of traffic to see what The Ainsley was all about. It was the second venue to inhabit my much loved and missed Blue Grass Brewing Company, where I bought countless beers in past years. I never went in The Sullivan, it first followed BBC but, The Ainsley laudes itself as an upscale sports bar.

I nearly didn't go in. The building outside blinded me with unadorned white walls and...they took all the fucking windows out! Still, I had just braved rush hour on Frankfort Ave in 90deg heat so I pushed on. I was back outside in less than 5 seconds.

The inside was...where old white people go to die and maybe a few patrons at the bar had succumbed. The place reeked like a basement couch leaking generations of old man farts and the barely moving white heads scattered along the bar looked like moths fluttering their last against a hot window sill. I ran back across Frankfort.

Briefly I considered bailing. I could be home in under an hour where I've got beer worth drinking for days, weeks even. I'm no quitter though. I was parked in front of Street Grub and Hops, a bizarrely named venue I'd been in a few times since The Mellow Mushroom failed to survive in Louisville's over crowded pizza market.

I remembered they had 30+ taps behind their large U-shaped bar and I could see the whole side of the building was open to the sidewalk. Inside a band was setting up to play so I was assured in this place I wouldn't need mothballs to dispel the odour of human demise.

If my sense of failing mortality seemed unaccountably morbid on a bright Friday afternoon, in my defense, a new place next to Street Grub caught my eye. NSD Bar it said on the sign. What's that? Never Say Die Bar <shakes head>

I was met at the bar by a lively young man with a lush black beard and handlebar mustache. Thirsty? he asked. You've no idea.

He gesture towards the wall of taps and said let me know if you see something that piques your interest.

I chuckled and said that's a tall order. I spend too much time beer hunting.

He laughed then and said to which spelling are you referring?

My brain stuttered then I got the clever play on words he'd heard in my "tall order" reply, accidental for sure.

Which did you mean I countered, then I spelled peak or pique? The second one he smiled as he walked off.

<sigh> it was 5:10 already and I didn't know it but I'd just experienced the high point of my visit to Street Grub. In spite of their large list, only one beer piqued my interest and Austin, of the peaky facial hair, apologized when he discovered it was no longer on. My second choice, in spite of being a Stone Brewing offering, had no more character than the Miller Lite branded glass they brought it in. Worst of all, the fried pickles sucked. I should have remembered that because I'd had them there before.

I got back in my car with no particular plan. Then remembered a friend had mentioned the bar I had visited on Saturday had a Speakeasy room in the basement. <shrug>The Speakeasy theme has never interested me but such places often do high quality drinks and my recent visit to Gerties upstairs bore that out. They made me a Penicillin or two actually and they were terrific. I could do with another or two.

As soon as I walked in, the bartender greeted me with, "You're back!" I grinned back at him and said, "I heard you've a room in the basement." We do and he pointed around the bar to a door and said tell the bartender downstairs his Penicillin isn't as good as mine.

Recently, the guy that runs a nearby wine bar told me I was memorable. He said, "You make an impression." I wasn't sure he was complimenting me but I do appreciate it when the bartender remembers what drinks I like. I headed downstairs into the dark. It was really dark and I was worried I might trip as I shuffled toward the dimly lit bar. The bartender shouted a hearty welcome and then he said knowingly, "I bet you want a Penicillin!" WTF

I replied, "What, the guy upstairs rang down? No he shook his head. I was at a loss until he took pity on me. He said, "I was upstairs the other day when you asked for a classic Penicillin. I make up all the drinks here so I noticed. Oh right, I said but actually, you look very familiar. Where have you worked before. When he said Red Herring it sounded right but I couldn't remember where that was. As soon as he told me it was next to the Silver Dollar the memories flooded back and we fondly reminisced about the drinks and food there.

Soon I had a classic Penicillin in front of me and we began to talk drinks. We included the only other guy at the bar in our conversation. He was rail thing, wore a scarf on his head, and had a robust but not too pornish mustache. I suspected he was staff there at Gerties. He was clearly interested but not so experienced. For the next two hours I enjoyed the back and forth and drinks.

Chad is a professional bartender who loves his job. He loves making drinks and he loves talking to people. While we chatted, more than twenty people, in pairs and sometimes larger groups came downstairs, got drinks and eventually left. At one point I was sure Matt Gaetz sat down at a two top. I did a double-take to be sure the woman with him wasn't Marjorie Taylor Greene in a wig. It was hard for me not to stare but I kept stealing glances. Eventually I concluded this guy was what Gaetz would look like if he wasn't befouled by evil. A very good looking guy!

When he left, I asked if I was the only one who thought that? No one had noticed but, by that time, Terrence, a large black man who'd come down with two white friends was standing next to me. He'd been ordering drinks when the bar conversation turned to German food and he joined our conversation eagerly. After delivering drinks to his friends, he returned to talk. When I suggested the guy who'd just left looked like the American traitor Matt Gaetz, he said no way! He went on to say Gaetz was a POS and if it had been him there might have been trouble. Lol, now that would have been memorable.

Terrence left wishing Chad and myself a good day, remembering both our names. It turned out the guy with the scarf on his head was a sous chef at nearby Bar Vetti. OMG, I'd meaning to go there but I worried D wouldn't like it. I asked him if they would make her a pepperoni pizza. He said they had one but it had calabrian and peppadew peppers on it. Yeah, can you take those off. Um yeah?

I said I'd just go check it out myself for dinner after I finished the Negroni riff Chad had excitedly made up on the spot using a special dry vermouth and something that wasn't Campari. He referred to it as a white Negroni. It was delicious!

Bar Vetti was only about a hundred feet down the sidewalk from Gerties. I enjoyed the early evening as I walked, it was comfortably warm with a gentle breeze and for the first time in a long time, Nulu felt normal. People were sitting outside the Taj and the Mayan Cafe, the evening was alive with conversation, color, and movement. When I looked in the windows of the new swanky Marriott Hotel it was the same inside and there might not be room for me at the bar.

I walked past the unattended hostess stand into a storm of blaring conversation. I stopped in front of an empty seat but there was a drink there so I turned around to the other side. I asked a man in a suit if the empty seat next to him was taken. It's yours he answered without looking away from his companion. I sat and picked up the wine list.

On my left were three young men, obviously of southwest Asian heritage. Within seconds I understood they were native English speakers and they were having a good time. The youngest one was next to me and he seemed barely old enough to shave. He was rather louder than the others and seemed to be mildly complaining about something. The bartender came over to them and appeared to pick up a conversation she must have started before I got there. It was really more of a lecture and she was telling them that she couldn't spend all of her time in front of them as she and another bartender had a full bar.

I felt myself tense a little, wondering if there was going to be an altercation. I didn't look at the young men but watched the bartender closely. While her words were stern, her body language seemed relaxed. I heard the man furthest away from me say, "That's fair." The bartender didn't acknowledge his words. She poured me a water and I asked for a glass of wine. Then I turned to the men.

"Are you guys from here or visiting?" I could see them tense up the young guy on guard most of all. I went on as if I hadn't noticed and said, I overheard you say this was your kind of place a minute ago. This is my first visit here and it's a bit fancy for me. They relaxed. I felt sure they were expecting to be challenged and I might look just like the kind of old white asshole who would do that.

We're from California the young guy said but we live here and work at Rabbit Hole. Do you know it?

Of course I said, it's something the city can really be proud of. I've been over there in the bar many times and the facility is gorgeous. Cameron seemed near to burst with happiness. He said, "We're just about to have a drink, will you join us? I said, sure what are we drinking. Rabbit Hole he said, "We got to represent!"

From that moment on, I had a dinner companion who was overjoyed to talk to someone who knows about the Kentucky whiskey business. When I said, the marketing for Rabbit Hole is genius, Cameron threw his hand up and pointed at the man farthest from me. Justin is our marketing!

Justin said well, to be honest I've only been there for 3 years and Cameron replied, "He's being too modest. We've only been open for 4 years. I asked Cameron, are you a distiller? I was when I first started he said. My uncle is the founder and I've got a business degree so now I work the financials. Wow, I replied.

He said, you have to come over and ask for us! We'll give you an insider tour. I waived that off a bit and said, I'll be sure to come back over but your beautiful column still is out where I can see it when I go to the bar on the roof. Sometimes I just stand at the end of the hall by the elevators and admire it. He said, "OMG we never get to talk to anyone like you!"

We had a drink of their Heigold and I didn't have to pretend it was good. I said, "I'd drank their sourced whiskey before but this was the first time I'd had something they'd distilled themselves other than their gin. It tasted more mature than I'd expected and I said I'd likely pick up a bottle now that I'd had it. I will.

Soon, Cameron's girlfriend came in and sat next to Justin. Cameron pretended to be annoyed and she seemed maybe a little suspicious of me. Soon she was sitting next to Cameron and was telling me all his faults. It was bar buddies in the best form. I asked for the whiskey list and suggested I buy us all a drink. I was disappointed by the selection TBH. The owner is a well-known whiskey aficionado and his BBQ joint just a block away has a much bigger selection of whiskey. I noticed an Old Forester Single Barrel Rye on the list and suggested it.

I specified it be served in rocks glasses instead of glencairns and we clinked our glasses when everyone had their drink. It was candy in a glass and far too sweet to be anything I'd recognize as rye whiskey but my bar buddies claimed to like it so no harm done.

When their food came, I settled my check and Cameron again expressed his pleasure at our talk. He renewed his invite to come to the distillery and I walked back out into the night.

When I got back to my car I looked up and saw Akasha Brewing was still open with people sitting at tables outside. The street at this end was quiet and peaceful. I remembered my last visit to Akasha hadn't gone well at all. The server there had refused to give me a taste of a beer. I was shocked. I'd already bought and paid for one beer when I asked for a taste. I said I was trying to decide which of two others I'd take home in a growler.

She said it was their policy not to give out tastes because people sometimes asked for lots of tastes and didn't buy a beer. WTF I had already bought a beer! I was so annoyed I'd decided not to drink at Akasha until they changed their stupid policy. If they were going to treat me like their worst customer, I wasn't going to spend my money there. Still, one more beer would be nice. Then I saw what I wanted.

That's it. A strong Belgian golden ale is what I had there!

[queenmuzz]

Deep Blue Sea: Chapter IV

The way to a merman’s heart....

For a link to the full story on Ao3, click here

“You gotta be more specific than 'small silvery fish with spots' when describing the type you like, Vergil. That covers dozens of groups, let alone individual types.” You sat, back to the glass, while on your laptop, pulling up picture after picture of similar looking fish. Vergil floated behind your shoulder, steadily dismissing each picture.

“Well, the issue is that you humans seem to have picked a different name for it than we have” he almost seemed faintly amused at your frustration.

“What does the name 'Cordina' mean anyway?” You closed the browser window with the latest batch of rejected pictures. Well, it wasn't herring... what if it was a fish that humans just didn't eat?

“It is just a name in Old Mer. Do your names of your food staples have to mean something?”

He had a point. A cow was just that... a cow. You grumbled, this was going nowhere... You slammed the laptop shut, and spun to face him. He had been a lot closer than you expected, nearly plastered to the glass, and he quickly darted back, as if he had been caught doing something bad. Had there been no glass or water there, you would have been able to feel his breath on the back of your neck.... the thought of that made you feel warm...

“Alright wise guy, tell me something else about the fish, like how it moves, where it lives, any peculiar oddities it doesn't share with any other fish.” He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes looked upward as he recalled the information.

“It prefers cold water, and usually stays in the far south, ” He said, which was no help. Quite a few species were like that. “But...every so often, when the seasons make a full cycle, a current of cold water juts far north, and the Cordina follow it, to forage in the new territory. At the same time, the warmth of the Ringed Sea pushes against it, forcing the fish into a long narrow column, close to the coast. And since the water is shallow, the fish are easy picking for both the birds above and the predators below. And thus, the feeding begins”

Hmmm, that sounded familiar...you wracked your brain, trying to remember where you had heard of that phenomenon. A memory of a professor, showing an image of the east coast of Southern Africa...AHA! You yanked open your laptop again, and typed in words, bringing up the image of a fish that fit the description. Flipping it around, you showed him.

“BEHOLD! The Sardine! Specifically Sardinops sagax, South African Sardine ” You watched as he cautiously approached the glass, peering at the image, scrutinizing it. You felt a sudden nervousness, as if you were waiting for your exam marks to be revealed.

And then he smiled.

It was a small smile, barely visible, but it was genuine, and beautiful. Something you wanted to see all the time.

“You're very knowledgeable about such things, I hadn't thought that you, a human, would know about something so far away, and in the ocean, to boot.”

“Well, it's what I studied in university” you watched the confused look on his face, “That's where some people go to learn things so they can specialize. Some want to learn about computers,” you tapped the laptop, “Some learn to teach children, and some, like me, want to learn and explore the ocean. Migration patterns of Sardines aren't my specialty, but we did learn about them from about a lecturer who had studied it.”

“Not your specialty?” He asked.

Well, the ocean is vast and for the most part, we don't know what's down there...so a lot of us just focus on one Ocean, one particular ecosystem, hell, sometimes one type of individual fish. I prefer to study the deep ocean, it's a whole new world out there. We know more about the moon-”

“The moon?”

“The thing in the sky, usually you see it at night, cycles between getting bigger and smaller...”

“Ah, the Tidemother....”

It had a nice ring to it, you thought... very romantic, you'd have to ask him more about terms he used. “Anyways, the cutting edge of what we don't understand is the deep ocean, since we can't just... go.. there. Not to mention, it's an entire ecosystem that's not dependent on the sun...the Moon's daytime counterpart.” you clarified.

"Tidefather” he responded, “and no doubt, once you scour the sea floor, you will find a way to exploit it, as humans are wont to do. Never satisfied with their lot in life, they take, and take, and take...” His fists balled up, and even though you were separated by thick glass, you felt the urge to scoot away. The old look of hatred you had first encountered came back with a vengeance.

“What? No!” you responded. “I mean, humanity as a whole has done a lot of damage, I'll admit to that, but we're trying to get better...bit by bit.”

“Fitting words for the daughter of a murderer...” he shot back, an you winced. He had a point. Your father's company (and soon to be yours) harvested thousands and thousands of tonnes of fish each year. But something didn't make sense...

“Not that I'm accusing you or anything, but you've been going after my father's fishing vessels, but I remember that during the Sardine Run, fishermen from the villages on the coast come out in droves to harvest the fish as well, why not attack them?”

A pregnant pause, and you were afraid you had offended him “They merely harvest to feed their families, and their fellow humans, and besides, they are merely one fish in a shoal. I do not feel ill will towards them anymore then I do against any of the other predators.” he calmly explained, before returning to his anger “However, when those ships, with nets that can envelop and harvest countless fish, can scour the oceans clean to feed their hungry maws, that's what I take issue with...”

“Point taken...but if I'm going to get you some of the fish, I'm going to have to buy it from someone who most likely participates in that sort of thing... so it's either kelp, another fish I can get locally, or... this.” He hesitated for moment, before bowing his head in defeat.

“If this is the price for keeping my sanity, so be it”

******

You sat on aquarium platform, with a plate of fresh sardines splayed out in an amateur design, as if it was a plate of hors d'oeuvres at a fancy dinner. Unfortunately, there hadn't been much choice at the market, so you were only able to procure a little over a dozen of the fresh ones (and had managed to finagle a deal with a bemused fishmonger to get a regular supply, citing that you were rehabilitating some sea mammal, it was technically true) but it would take a while to get the supply going. So, you attempted a substitute, which you stacked beside the plate. Cans, and cans, and cans of Sardines. The look the cashier gave you, and the way her eyes darted down to your stomach, to see if you were pregnant, was worth it, even if Vergil ended up hating the stuff.

“So, it doesn't look like sardines are in season, so the ones I got might not be the best condition,” you apologized as you opened one of the sardine cans, one packed in salt water. Perhaps he would like the canned ones that tasted as plain as possible, and then you could try out the more flavourful combinations.

Vergil pulled himself up onto the platform, scaring the bejeesus out of you. “Sheesh, give a gal a warning before you do something like that!”

The merman chuckled...his voice, now 'real' echoed through the room “Apologies, I take it you thought we do not surface.” (you made a mental note to attempt to make him laugh again.)

“Well, it doesn't seem very practical,” you said. “You seem to be specialized for aquatic travel, while being rather clumsy on land. The inverse is true for humans.” You realized how dry and clinical that sounded, how close you were to sounding like Doctor Griffon. Your hands covered your mouth “Oh God, that sounded so bad, I'm really... really sorry!”

Vergil chuckled again (tingles went down your spine, perhaps the tales of the merfolk's alluring voices had a kernel of truth.) “It is forgiven, you cannot help how you think. You seem to be a person who is constantly observing, eager to learn. There is nothing to be ashamed in that, as long as you realize your limitations. Something the 'Good Doctor' could take a lesson on...”

He picked up one of the sardines by his tail, and with a quick motion that surprised you, he swallowed the fish whole, bones and all. At first you thought it was because he was famished, but then one sardine turned into two, then three, then half a dozen were gulped like a baleen whale gulping an entire shoal. You were used to animals eating like that, but the image of someone so humanlike.... well, you excused yourself, and went into the kitchen to get yourself something to eat (and hopefully settle your stomach). You weren't sure what you wanted, but you wanted something quick and easy.... And as you checked your cupboards, you found it... a plastic package. Pulling out a pot and filling it with water, you began to cook.

Five minutes later, you came out with a steaming bowl of ramen in salty broth. And what you saw nearly made you laugh. Vergil had devoured the entire plate of sardines, the opened can of of sardines in salt water, and was attempting to open another can, one with sardines packed in olive oil. He wasn't having much luck with it, frowning intently as he rotated the can, attempting to find out how to open the treasure box. You stood back, allowing him to explore, until he finally figured the pull tab, and with a bit of effort, he ripped open the top. He grinned at his success, but in his attempt to grab the reward within, he gripped the can by the sharp, recently opened edge. The can was dropped onto the platform with a clatter as he hissed in pain. A stream of blood bloomed on his palm. Quickly setting your bowl down, you ran over.

“Oh no, are you alright?” and before he could protest, you grabbed his hand to inspect the damage. Vaguely, you realized this was the first time you had touched him. His hands were remarkably soft, especially considering the salt water that he spent his life in. A thin red line on his palm indicated a pretty nasty cut....Or it would have, if it was not rapidly healing in front of your eyes.

“How in the...”

“We heal fairly rapidly, especially compared to you humans, we're not sure why, but it grants us a resiliency that most creatures in the ocean lack. How you humans survive without that ability, I have no idea” He, huffed, amused as you used your ratty old shirt to wipe the blood away to reveal that, yes the cut had healed within a few moments, leaving not even a scar. “You didn't have to do that, I would have licked it off.”

“You...lick your own blood?” you asked, part appalled, part intrigued.

“The less blood we shed, the less likely predators will be attracted,” he explained, and you realized that was probably the same reason for his super-healing. Or if a shark or something did approach, the merfolk would be healed enough to fight back or flee. You were learning more and more things about these people, and just by having a conversation, and treating him as an equal. The 'Doctor' was an idiot, he could have gained so much more knowledge, but no, he was compelled to be a douchebag.

As Vergil (carefully) opened another can of sardines, this time in tomato sauce, you went back to your bowl, now reasonably cooled off, and began slurping away. You watched as he swallowed the sardine, and resisted the urge to laugh at the face he made.

“Not a fan, eh? Ah well, you can't like everything.”

“Indeed, a bit too...sweet for my taste” He looked at the other cans, his brow furrowed, before he looked at you, no, he was looking at the bowl in your lap. The tip of his tongue stuck out, as if he was attempting to mentally form a sentence.

“Would you like to try some of my ramen? It's very salty, probably right up your alley”

“My alley?”

“It means I think you'll like it”

He hesitated for a second...before he nodded, and twirling your fork, you wound a small sized portion, before handing the fork to him. You'd expected (foolishly, in hindsight) that he'd take the fork from you, but instead, he shimmied a bit towards your direction, and carefully, fed off your fork. You couldn't resist giggling as he politely slurped up the noodles. “So, how is it?”

He didn't answer, his smile did more than words ever could

[fourangers]

Fate and Choices (ch.05)

Summary: When Naruto discovered who was going to be his soulmate, he jumped straight at this opportunity, looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his better half. Sasuke well…he was less eager in this regard though. NaruSasu. Soulmates tattoos. M-rated.

AN: A little warning that the full philosophical conversation will go exactly in this chapter. It can get a little too heavy (in the sense that it’s a lot of topics to talk about).

Chapter 04

AO3 link  | ffnet link

--.--

Naruto’s blissful dreams of swimming in a Ramen pool were suddenly shaken awake when he heard loud tumbles and Sasuke running to the bathroom. There were noises of retching and agonized groans, as Naruto wondered if he should go to his aid, or if it would be better to let Sasuke have this private moment, since he was always the grouchy bastard.

After long minutes of silence, the faint light from afar showed that Sasuke wasn't returning to bed soon. Closing his eyes with a long inhale, Naruto stood up, went to the bathroom, already expecting the venomous glare coming from Sasuke. He smiled in commiseration.

"You need any h⏤"

"No."

"Not anythin⏤"

"Get out."

One blond eyebrow was raised. "Gotta remind you that you're in my house, sleeping on my futon, puking in my bathroom…"

Sasuke sighed, flushing the toilet. "I'm feeling better, thank you for your attention." Now scram wasn't voiced out but heavily implied.

Naruto picked a hand towel, dampening it with water and offered it to the brunet, as the latter silently grabbed and dabbed on his mouth, frown in place.

Sasuke sagged his shoulders, leaning on the bathroom's wall as he calmed himself down. Thinning his lips, he mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Naruto blinked wide, uncrossing his arms.

Sasuke continued grumbling, glaring at the ground. "You were worried over me and I was rude to you. I apologize."

Well…seven years do change a person. Naruto grinned, positively surprised by the outcome. "Don't worry about it. You need some water? I mean, taste of vomit is always unpleasant."

Sasuke nodded, sighing. "I'd appreciate it." He waited when the blond man went to the kitchen and returned with a fresh glass of water, downing the liquid with gusto. They later returned to their respective beds, with Naruto keeping an eye on Sasuke while he gingerly placed the cover over his body.

The rays of sunlight filtered through the blinds, allowing a gradual awakening. Naruto yawned, stretching his limbs wide and turned his body around, catching Sasuke’s peering gaze. He immediately stood up, muttering a fast greeting and slipping away from the room. Though Naruto could swear that he saw the pale face tinged in red.

While Sasuke was in the bathroom, Naruto prepared their breakfast, toasted bread, coffee and milk. Naruto wasted no time waiting for the bastard, there was no way he’d let his precious food go cold for nothing. He ate with his face leaning on the palm of his hand wondering if Sasuke took a huge dump or what because he’s taking way too long to remerge.

Sasuke showed up at last, pushing the chair in front of him with a sharp noise and sat sideways. He quickly picked the nearest mug and sipped his coffee, looking everywhere aside Naruto. 

“Morning bastard.” 

Sasuke grunted back, emptying his mug. “I apologize for my drunk behavior yesterday. Thank you for being so understanding and helping me out.”

“It’s okay, I’m pretty used to handling drunk people back in my college days.” Naruto grinned, unflapped. He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “So…are you the type that forgets everything that happened while you were drunk or you’re one that regrets about everything once you’re sober?”

Sasuke inhaled deeply, fingers tightening his hold on the porcelain cup. Both men jumped when they heard loud ping coming from Sasuke’s phone. First he tsked, noticing the low battery then unlocked to read the new message.

Sasuke, I wanted to apologise for my behavior yesterday but you weren't home. I asked Neji-kun regarding you, however he just said you've been taking care of. You want to talk once you're comfortable? I'll make your favorite onigiris.

“It’s nii-san.” He muttered. “He wanted to talk about yesterday.”

Naruto gave out a long thoughtful hum, eyes moving to stare at the table while he drank his milk.

Sighing, Sasuke reflected for a second, mulling the best way to handle this situation. “I promise we’ll talk about what happened between us later, because I don’t think it'll be beneficial to us both if we did this now. I guess I didn’t understand myself enough, or else I wouldn’t have acted the way I did yesterday, so I need some time for adjustment and give you a fair explanation.” 

Naruto gazed back, then nodded. “You promise then.”

“Hm.”

“You’re not going to use this opportunity to run to Antartida or some shit like that because I will hunt you down if necessary.”

“I promise Naruto. I’ll talk at least in one week. And well…I guess I’m worried about my father and nii-san.”

“Yeah, sure, family is important so it should have a higher priority. I’d have done the same.” Naruto picked Sasuke’s plate and put some toast. “Don’t go with an empty stomach okay? You’re so skinny.”

Sasuke shook his head, despite obeying him, munching the crunchy food.

⏤.⏤  

Naruto lived in a city that was outskirts of Tokyo, required around forty minutes by train and subway to reach downtown. The rent was cheaper so he could afford a bigger apartment, and the neighborhood was pretty calm and cozy, a contrast to Tokyo’s frenetic urban streets. Sasuke saved the location for later use, also messaged Itachi so they could meet in his home.

“Are you feeling better?” His older brother enquired as Sasuke was unlocking his door.

“Vomited a little, nothing out of ordinary.”

“You vomited?” Itachi exclaimed, alarmed.

“Neji didn’t say⏤? Oh, I got drunk, that’s all.”

“Otouto-kun, what did I say about how alcohol is really hazardous to your health when⏤” When Itachi saw the glare directed towards him, he rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll let it slide for now. Where were you last night then?” Itachi barely managed to catch his brother��s mutter, so he asked again. “Sorry, come again?”

Sasuke huffed, pursing his lips. “I said, I spent the night in Naruto’s apartment. No, shut up, I’m not in the mood listening to your smartass comments.”

“Perhaps I should start making onigiris then?” Itachi smiled easily, picking up a bowl of rice and began washing it, while Sasuke sat on the kitchen’s table.

Staring at his older brother’s back as the air turned somber, Sasuke’s fingers tapped on the table for a while, waiting till Itachi turned on the rice cooker. “Anyways…” He mumbled. “Sorry for storming out yesterday. You and father didn’t kill each other after I was gone right?”

“No…he was quite shocked to restart any argument. You know how I’m not a fan of defending father but…” Itachi sighed, picking up some salmon. “He felt really guilty for almost hitting you, he kept asking your whereabouts throughout the night. And it was much easier to placate him after that.”

“Oh…really?” Sasuke relaxed his shoulders, also sighing in relief. “So how did you two settle in the end? Is he ok with us putting our company to the stock market now?”

“Oh no, he’s still very much against it, though he said that it’s too late to go back now. He did admit that since we managed to return the money he lent in such a short span of time, we are more skilled than he expected, so he’ll be trusting us more from now on.”

“Wow…Father actually said positive words about us.” Sasuke muttered in mild awe.

“Right? It’s been years since he has done that.” Itachi snorted. “He also said that he’s going to buy some of the company’s share too. I know, I know it sounds pretty alarming…” He raised a hand to calm his younger brother. “He assured me that he’s only buying to attract other potential investors, and he won’t buy much.” 

“It’s probably another weird tactic he’s doing to control us.”

“Probably…I’m not worried about it for now. Oh! I brought some Mentaiko for us!” Itachi brightened up, showing the air sealed package.

“Aren’t you using way too fancy ingredients over some staple food like onigiri?”  

“Nothing wrong with indulging ourselves every once in a while. Okay…” He picked some fancy soy sauce. “So, I’ll make onigiris with Sha-ke, mentaiko and nozawana fillings, you also like yaki onigiris.”

“You’re overcomplicating some simple dishes nii-san, just onigiris with umeboshi is fine.” Sasuke chuckled.

“I did promise I’ll cook your favorite onigiris.” Itachi lifted his chin with a prim sniff, cutting the vegetables at a deft speed. 

They waited until the rice was cooked, sprinkling with some sesame seeds as they spread on a piece of plastic wrapper as it was cooling down. Sasuke helped his older brother by molding into the triangular shape, placing neatly on the ceramic dish as they got ready to eat it.

“Sasuke, I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday.” Itachi said while they were nibbling the food. “You were right about me hiding the whole plan instead of facing father.”

“It’s okay, I understand pretty well why you did that.” Sasuke shrugged. “It’s not like I didn’t hide something from father too in the past, I just don’t know…you’re my older brother, I expected you’d behave better than me and wouldn’t lie over something of this magnitude. There’s a difference between lying to go to some friend’s house and lying over our company’s future.”

“I know and I regret this. It’s just that…you know how father can be really inflexible. He won’t hear anyone else unless we comply with his ideas. He always believes that he’s the wisest, the most experienced and honestly it drives me crazy. Talking to him was a chore because he’s not listening to you, he’s trying to find a way to show that his point of view is better than yours. So…I got used to lying with him to avoid this. Lying was the easier path even if it had the worst consequences in the end. I didn’t include you in this because of this foolishness, so you got caught in the middle of this skirmish.”

Sasuke sighed, recalling memories from yesterday. “You two have been on each other's throats lately. Whenever father would open his mouth you’d disagree with him, it’s almost a visceral reaction.”

“I know…”

“And fortunately, father lent us this money without any interest. You remember when we went to the bank? The interest rate was very high. Say what you want about our parents, but he did sign the contract believing in you⏤”

“Yes, I understand the pitch, I heard this already, I get it.” Itachi sighed. “I guess I still feared that father would harm us some way or another so I just…well. You were there when that happened. I think we always have some trouble with communication, and we have the habit of avoid facing our problems even if it’s there right under our noses. So…”

Sasuke frowned from the sudden change of subject. “So?”

“Since it’s clear that you can manage the company better than myself, and I should stop postponing important occurrences in my life well…” Itachi adjusted on his seat, interlacing his fingers. “I have some news to deliver. My soulmate found me, also using Shinrei, so I plan to visit him soon.”

Sasuke blinked rapidly, taking time to absorb his words. “Well, that is quite…surprising.”

“Yes, and I already booked the ticket for tomorrow⏤”

“Tomorrow?!” Sasuke interjected.

“Indeed, because I considered your words too, Sasuke. I don’t want to run away any longer, and I believe my soulmate will give me the everlasting happiness that I’ve been looking for too long.”

The younger Uchiha huffed, curbing a sarcastic comeback, not wanting to ruin his brother’s good mood.

“Whatever negative thought might be inside your mind, otouto-kun, I assure you that it won’t break me. And since I don’t want to waste my time with any long debate…Sasuke, I’m leaving the company for you, for now. I trust you. I promise that I’ll continue to work remotely, however, handling the employers and all, will be your responsibility.”

“I don’t get this. You put someone you’ve never met on a pedestal and believe that whatever relationship you’ll have with this person is perfect when we know that it’s not a definite fact.” 

“I don’t think I do that otouto-kun, and each relationship is different.” Itachi explained, his voice calm and confident. “Also, he was the one who searched for me, I thought I should do the courtesy to see him with my own eyes.”

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, taking the last bite of his onigiri. 

“Despite your own beliefs, in this system…” Itachi touched the tattoo on his neck. “There’s another person involved, invariably. It’d be really heartless if I kept hiding from him, despite knowing his exact location. He’d keep looking for me his entire life, so the least I could do, even if I don’t believe in soulmates, is to give him a proper explanation.”

Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke picked the dirty plates, walking past his brother and went to the sink.

“You are ignoring me huh, but you know I’m right. You shut him out all those years and he’s still pretty patient waiting for your statement. Well, if it’s not the best example about why he’s your soulmate, I don’t know where else it would be. Plus…I always felt that you two had a special connection.”

That picked Sasuke’s attention, as he turned around with an enquiry. “How so?”

“Even back when you two were kids, it seems that you were constantly talking about him, you two were inseparable. Whenever you were sulking being stuck in our house, Naruto-kun would somehow goad you to come out so you two would do…I don’t know, do whatever two boys would do at that time. So I wasn’t really surprised when I saw your matching tattoos. Naruto-kun cared for you no matter what, right?”

Guilt churned on his stomach as Sasuke recalled last night, when he was so engulfed in a myriad of emotions that he acted improperly. The moment their tattoos connected, he could feel Naruto’s concern, warmth…affection. He craved for those positive feelings for so long that he kissed the blond man before he could stop himself. 

He was also shocked that Naruto still held those emotions, even after that many years amiss. This just multiplied his remorse tenfold though.

“You’re right.” Sasuke mumbled, staring at the ground. “It’s time to make myself clear.”

“Well then…good luck to both of us.” 

⏤.⏤

I’m ready to talk. What time is best for you tomorrow?

Naruto stared his cellphone for the umpteenth time, moving in circles around the sofa before sitting with a huff, shaking his right leg. He rubbed his hands to wipe the sweat off, standing up once again and emptied a glass of water in fast gulps. 

He jumped from the noise of knocking door, breathing several times to calm himself down. Opening the door, there stood Sasuke in front of him, with his usual cool face, elegant cheekbones, kissable lips, stupid Sasuke, why did he have to torture him so? 

“Hello.” Sasuke cleared his throat. “I brought some beer.”

“Ah. Um, yeah.” Naruto stepped sideways, allowing him to get inside. “Feel free to sit whatever makes you comfortable.”

Sasuke took a long look at the sofa, so long that Naruto actually gazed at the furniture too, with a raised eyebrow. He settled leaning on the kitchen table then, crossing his arms. 

Another silence. Bewildered, the blond man decided to put the beer in the fridge, grabbing some of his cans that were cold enough and offered one to Sasuke. He studied closely as Sasuke accepted the beer with a nod, sipping and pausing, not once looking back at Naruto.

After another couple of minutes with them just drinking their beverage, Sasuke placed the beer on the table, exhaling. “So…”  

“…yeah?”  

“First of all…” Sasuke coughed dryly, knitting his eyebrows. “I have to apologize for my abhorrent behavior yesterday. I forced myself on you despite you not wanting⏤”

“Whaaa⏤wait, why are you saying as if I’m just some weak ass guy who can’t defend myself? And I wanted. I mean, in better circumstances, but I definitely wanted that.” Naruto interjected.

“Maybe, nevertheless in that case you were right, and I didn’t listen for a while. The effect of the soulmate system lingered in us and made me do that irrational act that should be condoned in any case so…”

“What the hell…Sasuke, you’re not making some terrible mistake and I stopped you in time so⏤”

Dark grey eyes glowered. “Just accept my apology will you?”

Naruto slackened his jaw, pondering upon Sasuke’s whole speech. “You feel like you forced upon me…because you view the Soulmate system as a negative thing.” 

“…if I ever want something more with you, I wanted to feel it solely come from my own feelings, not spurred by some friggin’ tattoos with weird powers. So…” Sasuke sighed. “You were right. I was going to regret it if we went too far yesterday.”

Naruto felt a stab in his heart, exhaling tiredly. “Yeah…I figured.” 

“I mean, I’m also sorry for forcing you in that ordeal.” Sasuke strayed his eyes to the ground, a tint of red flushing his cheeks. “Uh⏤so are you doing alright now?”

Aside giving me the bluest balls in history…fine. “I managed.” Naruto shrugged on one shoulder, gulping his beer.

“Anyways, after what happened to us, and analyzing it all…I really felt like I needed some overdue explanation why I refused to maintain contact with you. It’s a mixture of wanting to avoid you and then having too much on my plate while in college.”

“Sasuke, I get it, you parents divorced, I knew you wanted some time with yourself. I just never thought you didn’t plan to get in touch with me after that.”

“Because⏤!” Sasuke growled, before schooling his features and maintained an even tone. “Because my parents are soulmates. You don’t understand Naruto, my mother always loved being independent, wanting to get a job, using her intelligence. When she met my father though, he kept insisting for her to become the perfect humble wife, meek and feminine. She did try to persuade him to give her more agency, in the end because of society, because of my father, she obeyed him, believing that since he’s her soulmate-” He spat venomously. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“I know, but thankfully she divorced him right? It’s not that bad⏤”

“It was bad, because the soulmate system can manipulate your feelings for a human to maintain being faithful to his partner. You felt what happened when we touched our tattoos. My father belittled her, limited her, and she never really saw it before it was too late. And even now, it’s hard for her to move on, because my father is still her soulmate so she believes that no matter which man she would date, it’d never work. She went on some dates, unfortunately I don’t think she had any boyfriend for over a month. Even though Nii-san and I kept encouraging her.”

Naruto stared on his own hands as he twirled his fingers, fidgeting. He stammered, unsure. “I mean, yeah. It was an unpleasant experience, I won’t deny that. Was this enough for you to change your mind about this system completely?”

“It opened my eyes Naruto. Seeing that it’s not perfect, it’s not as great as everyone had claimed. So while I was in college I studied a lot about it, searching for more failed relationships. And did you know what I found?” Sasuke waited for Naruto to shake his head before proceeding. “That there’s way more bad examples than popular belief. The soulmate system is just a way to stimulate human procreation.”

“Oh c’mon, really?” Naruto rolled his eyes. “Same-sex soulmates existed since dawn of ages. Same-sex, polyamory, we have famous powerful couples in history, like emperor Hadrian and Antinous. Or Oda Nobunaga with Nohime and Mori Ranmaru. And that was way before artificial insemination.”

“Yes, and even if we do exist, unfortunately we’re not the majority in human history. Being with your soulmate just gave a fortuitous marriage, so there were some couples that wanted to secure their lineage and forced women to have their offspring. Unwillingly.”

“Wha⏤okay, that’s terrible.” Naruto blanched. “How come we never studied that?” 

“Because society doesn't want to see blemishes in the soulmate system, it’s always swept under the rug. After studying, I saw that soulmates tattoos appear with people that are not related at all. Sometimes even forcing them to find their soulmate on another side of the planet. The only time that it was ignored was back in feudal times in Europe, where nobles wed their relatives, their offsprings ended with many deformities and diseases. Mixing different types of DNA, as proven, gives humanity a higher chance of survival and the soulmate system have a hand in it.”

“So…so far you’re saying positive things about the soulmate system, what’s your deal?” 

“What I’m really saying, is that this system is not some grand, beautiful and magical system from a higher plane that grants eternal happiness to the couple.” Sasuke rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms and sat on the arm of the sofa. “It’s just a biological need, an instinct. Like mothers who protect their children to ensure that bloodline will continue.”

“Sasuke, that’s cold. Are you seriously telling me that you believe 100% that your mother just cares for you for some bloody ‘instinct’???” Naruto raised both of his eyebrows.

He closed his eyes, curling his mouth down. “Fine, I overstepped it. I do admit that it goes beyond just some objective science. My main point remains though. That soulmate system is just a necessity to preserve our species, and people keep over-glorifying for nothing. And because it’s just a biological tool, you know where the system fails the most? Exceptions.”

He cleared his throat, shaking his now empty can. They went back to Naruto’s fridge while still chatting.

“What do you mean by exception?”

“Exceptions of the rule, was something I took most of my time studying in college Naruto. Think about it, since the system wants humanity to procreate, what about asexuals? Are they forced to have sexual intercourse just because they have a soulmate?”

“Maybe they can settle with a platonic relationship.”

“Yes, but people criticize them for choosing this path. What about people who want to stay single? The tattoo forbids them so. Here’s the thing, since every human has a tattoo, society keeps pressuring them to find their other half because⏤” Sasuke used a mocking tone. “Oh, it’s not fair to keep their soulmate waiting for them, because it’s your destiny to have someone by your side and it’s ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous, how people can shun anyone who doesn't want a partner. Either they would say that they would change their mind one day, or they are fool. That’s why this tattoo is a burden.”

At first Sasuke expected Naruto would keep interrupting his explanation, refusing to see his point of view as many others had in the past, including Itachi. However, the blond man kept the pensive face, completely listening to him. This gave him more courage to express freely.

“Also, you know that everyone has a tattoo right?”

Naruto made faces, recalling it, before nodding briskly. “Yeah, I think so.”

“That means each human after the age of 18, young, old, lawyers, beggars, prostitutes, priests, everyone has a tattoo.”

“True, so that further proves my point of view right? You have the tattoo, you can choose what to do with it. Priests chose to devote themselves to their religion instead of their soulmate.”

“Maybe, there’s also the darker side on the other hand.” Sasuke consented. “Even with the soulmate system, people commit wrongdoings. So you know what that means; criminals, murderers, pedophiles, rapists…they have a soulmate.” 

Naruto cringed in commiseration, admitting. “Yeah…you’re right…”

“And can you imagine the heavy burden of having a pedophile as your soulmate? This system is terrible! Forcing someone to fall in love with a monster that went beyond salvation? How is that supposed to be right?”

“But…in that case you don’t have to accept this person then. Live your life differently.”

“This tattoo would keep taunting you, haunting you…making you remember that you need to follow this fate or else. Limiting us from free will.”

“No, okay…lemme think.” Naruto raised his hand, rubbing the bridge of his eyebrows. “Those tattoos can provide you a path, it’s not all set in stone. Also, since you said that the soulmate system is a biological need, that means that it’ll never know right from wrong. It’s the human society to set what is morally wrong and what needs to be punished, and it’s also the individual choice to decide what to do with it. And…you know. There’s no way we would know, who the hell would become some crazy murder maniac, and which one would be some regular dude growing up.”

“Well…changing your destiny or not…some people believe that once you’re a criminal, there’s no turning back.”

“Fate can’t be changed? No, I don’t believe that. We were born in a blank canvas, with people changing us, and we changing others and ourselves. We can shape our lifetime. I think that’s why there’s a tattoo in each human…” Naruto shrugged awkwardly. “I mean, at some point in their lives, it’s not that they deserve love, however they deserve a chance of being loved. So maybe when they go too far, they lose this chance so I say, let the justice system do its bidding then.”

“You were always the optimistic usuratonkachi.”

“Yeah whatever, and you’re the negative asshole.” Naruto grinned.

“I prefer the term realistic.” Sasuke harrumphed, though there was an upward tug on his lips.

“Also…how are we going to measure which person needs a second chance or which doesn’t? Or which crime is unforgivable? I mean, it’s easy with heinous crimes like raping and pedophilia but…you know that my dad was the captain of an army right? He even met my mom in the battlefield, when she was patching his subordinate up. Under his command, he killed thousands of soldiers, let others be murdered…he even killed some people with his own hands. Are you saying that he no longer deserves a soulmate?”

Sasuke hummed, swallowing his beer.

“Are you saying that he shouldn’t meet my mother, that I shouldn’t have been born?” Naruto asked.

“No, you’re right. It’s complicated. I don’t have an answer to that, I admit.”

“Right? It’s a blurred line, I wouldn’t get angry if you said that my father didn’t deserve a chance of happiness after that. I mean…” Blue eyes acquired a somber color, and he murmured quietly. “He was even killed by one of the enemies out of revenge. Because he ruined many lives and destroyed families.” 

“…” Sasuke pursed his lips, finger tapping on the metallic can. “And even after this tragedy, why do you think that the soulmate system is a positive thing?”

“Because well…okay, at first it was mostly because how much my mother told how good it was okay? How much she loved my father, how it was the best thing of her life…” Naruto curled a sad smile, voice watery. “I guessed I wanted that. Having this experience, as some sort of homage, to relive her best years.”

Sasuke waited patiently while the blond man recomposed himself, sniffing and wiping his eyes with his arm, exhaling loudly. “I understand and I respect that. I guess we had very different opinions based with how our parents’ relationship turned out, mine ended badly, while yours finished with a positive note.”

“I guess.” Naruto sniffed again. “And I do understand your point of view, I really do. Actually, this conversation we’re having has been very eye-opening so far. I guess I do look at the soulmate system in an idealistic way.”

“Hn.”

“But…I think we can find a middle ground, right? Despite all the bad examples you told me, the soulmate system still has a very high rate of long-term, satisfactory relationships. If I ever treat you badly, I’m sure you’re smart enough to detect it.”

Sasuke regarded him for a while, deciding to drop the last bomb. “The soulmate system blinds people from seeing the obvious. Like I’ve said, people accept or even normalize abusive relationships because they think, well, he’s or she is my soulmate, I have no other choice. And it’s fucked up that it’s some outside force actually makes people give up on their own happiness, let some screwed up natural law be above their own freedom.”

“You really believe that? I think we can be above that…” 

“Fine, then why did you wait for me for over seven years? It’s insane! Normally anyone else would have just moved on instead of waiting for me.”

“Wait, so you admit that what you’ve done was bad?” Naruto chuckled dryly.

“I admit that I was focused in my research about the flaws of the soulmate system that I took you out of my life.”

“Okay, let’s just look in another angle…if you were sure that the person is the one, that person that you want to spend the rest of your life, you could wait no matter how long it’ll take because there’s no one like him right?”

“You would wait for seven years?” Sasuke returned the quip with a knowing eyebrow.

“No, I’d beat the shit out of you in the first month, okay, fair point.” Naruto rolled his eyes. “But we’re talking about possibilities, Sasuke, different scenarios. From what we know, this system has always existed and we’re just talking about how it might work if it didn’t. Maybe you’re right, I’d move on. Then I’d see you again by coincidence and things might reignite between us. See? Different paths, same result!”

“Ah… again with the foolhardy optimism, dumbass.”

“Whatever. Sasuke, I see this system as a shortcut to find you more easily. Can you imagine if this didn’t exist? I’d probably, I don’t know, have lots of failed relationships and maybe never find you in my life. Or I’d find you, though I’d live my whole life wondering if you’re my other half. This tattoo is a reassurance that you’re the right one for me.” Naruto declared, tapping his tattoo as emphasis. 

“This tattoo is a prison. People lose their sanity, wasting their entire lives searching for their soulmate when they could use their time for better use.”

“It’s their choice to make Sasuke, just like it was my choice to wait for you while you were in your own journey of self-discovery.”

“Right. And, again may I ask, why did you decide to return to this pursuit after many years of peace?”

"Because, in some way, I agree that we are one person and we have our own friends and other people to connect, I don't think we need to be so attached to each other." Naruto shrugged. "On the other hand, I also thought we were in agreement that we're soulmates then, we gotta be together."

"Naive thoughts back when I was as gullible as you are now. Just because I'm your soulmate doesn't mean that I need to act upon it."

"Yeah well…you're right. But you didn't include me in this conversation until today.”

“I know, hence the reason I decided to explain myself to you. We got involved back when we were teenagers, I know that the least I should have done is contacting you to express my point of view back then. I still keep my belief⏤”

“That you don’t want me in your life?” Naruto finished the sentence, breath stuttering.

Sasuke showed a pained and difficult expression. “I…don’t know Naruto. I guess all those years seeing only failed relationships made me believe that the soulmate system is fraudulent. Even though I know that most cases are happy ones. Then…why do you want me back after all those years?”

Caught by the sudden enquiry, Naruto widened his eyes, then lowered his gaze for some introspection. He straightened his back, opening his mouth. “Sasuke, because I lov⏤” 

“Don’t.” Sasuke glared, growling through gritted teeth.“Don’t say that set of words Naruto.”

His blunt hostility shook Naruto’s ground, as he muttered meekly. “Why not?” 

“Because it doesn’t make sense!” Sasuke roared, voice thundering. “We’ve known each other forever Naruto, though we only have gotten romantically involved back when we were teenagers. It makes absolutely no sense saying those words based on a relationship where we weren’t mature enough for it. And now that we’re adults, because we restarted talking in about…one month or two? So saying those words in such a short amount of time doesn’t make sense too.”

His words stung sharp, even if logically it had a hint of truth. Naruto knew that he wouldn’t want to pressure Sasuke any longer, not when he had solid motives to keep on his own beliefs. He mumbled, fully prepared to have his heart shattered. “In other words, you’re not looking for…our relationship? Or any relationship?”

“I…I don’t know.” Sasuke acquiesced, noticing tanned fingers interlacing with his own, although he made no move to reject it. “We worked well together in the past Naruto, there’s a strong possibility of working well in the future.”

Naruto felt a weight falling off his shoulders, breathing lighter.

“And well…even if I defended the right to be single…I’m not sure if it’s the lifestyle I want.”

“That’s…okay, that’s great.” Naruto beamed, squeezing Sasuke’s hand and savoring how the brunet blushed in response. “Sasuke, even if you don’t believe about how I feel about you…I’m sure of it. Maybe you’re right, maybe it’s because of the soulmate system, but I know that even if I spent one second or one hundred years, it’d never change. And that has nothing to do with the matching tattoos in our palms. So can you give me this chance to prove this to you?”

Sasuke glanced back at him, before grunting wordlessly.   

“You are looking for a relationship though right? How about we go all the way back, like going on dates, watch movies, chat while we go on fancy dinners, all that? Then you’re proving your point that we can build something outside the soulmate system, and I can prove my point that my feelings are unchanged.”

Sasuke grumbled again, narrowing his eyes.

“Alright…let’s just admit that we’re not asexual, that we both have sexual urges that are influenced with physical appeal. So, besides ignoring the, you know, the obvious thing, am I attractive to you?”

Sasuke glared and grunted, blush darkening on his cheeks. “You’re exactly my type.”

“See? Then it’s perfect for some test performance.” Naruto perked up, a wide smile stamped all over his face. “We’re free to try if it’s good, tweak possible issues and if everything goes bad, we’ll stop.”

“We’ll really stop, and then you won’t bother me again.”

“Yep.”

“We’ll be very careful seeing if it won’t work.”

“Definitely. Pinky swear.” Naruto raised his hand with his finger curled, waiting for Sasuke to seal the deal.

Sasuke just rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess I made my point and clarified everything to you. I better go before it gets too dark.”

Naruto nevertheless, walked with him on the way to the subway, one constant grin playing on his lips. It took all his willpower not to whack on the blond hair as customary back when they were younger. Sasuke sighed. Some things never change.

“Anyways…thanks for listening to my long diatribe about how much the soulmate sucks. It must be pretty terrible having a soulmate that firmly doesn’t believe in such things.”

Naruto wrinkled his nose, shrugging. “Not really, I liked it. I like whenever you challenge me some way, back when we were brats was by fighting with me, and now it’s intellectually speaking. It’s always good for everyone’s personal growth to listen to opposite opinions, even if you disagree with it.”

Sasuke snorted. “Well then…” He was almost turning around when Naruto tapped his shoulder. 

“Wait, can I kiss you before you go?”

“Why not usuratonkachi, you’ve always done it before asking me and that never stopped y⏤” Words died on his throat because Naruto didn’t kiss him on the cheek, those full lips caressed directly on his mouth. 

Naruto retreated few inches, eyes half mast as he whispered, curling a shy smile. “Thanks.”

“...hn.” Don’t kiss him back, don’t kiss him back, don’t kiss him⏤Sasuke cleared his throat, voice husky. “I better go.”

Naruto watched as his back disappeared in the crowd, taking a deep breath and knitting his eyebrows in determination. He better create the best date in the universe next time they meet. 

Chapter 06

⏤.⏤

AN: Alright, here we go, revealed Sasuke’s point of view at last. I hope I made a satisfactory explanation!

[lily-blue]

CODE Z3RO | CODE 08

characters: BTS & Red Velvet genre: thriller, futuristic au warning: death summary: The twelve most ambitious and promising university students are welcomed in Choego, the world’s first entirely artificial intelligence-driven city, to compete for five job contracts that could change their life. But what if something goes wrong? What if they get trapped? What if the city suddenly turns against them? Can they find a way out before the countdown reaches zero? words: 4,4K tagged: @philosopher-of-fandoms​

➼ Chapter Index

Kang Seulgi was one of those people who found comfort in the silence even when it felt sad, despairing and endlessly barren without comforting words that could ease the restless hearts. Unlike Taehyung who seemed unable to shut up whenever the team faced another obstacle, she kept her worries for herself, swallowing down all those nasty swears that formed in her throat once they stepped inside the main researcher building and found nothing. There was no magical computer in the basement that could have put an end to their misery nor important folders that could have contained useful information and saved them. There were no people who could have helped them find the fastest escape route nor food that they could have stolen at least to fill their uneasy stomachs. Not that any of them would have been able to eat. Not with their fallen members’ dead bodies, all that blood and roasted meat, in their mind.

After ten minutes of constant searching, everyone seemed to give up although none of them dared to move or voice out the obvious: what if they had been in the next zone on the list all along and a little bit more than five minutes later the defence system would close them inside of a transparent box that would slowly run out of oxygen? Would they die if they tried to walk into a neighbourhood zone through the invisible fences as Jimin had done? No one could tell for sure. Or at least no one dared to speak up.

They all gathered in the hallway near the stairs and the broken elevator on the first floor just as they had agreed in advance and watched Yoongi walking back and forth, trying to come up with a plan in vain. Lacking essential information such as the location of the main computer or the exact order of the zones, he didn’t know which route they should have followed to get to the bridge without people dying around them uselessly. Even though he wasn’t as selfless as Seokjin had been and would have never given his life to save a mere acquaintance, he didn’t want to lose anyone of their group if it could be evitable. It was basic empathy that for some reason Taehyung was lacking in many aspects.

‘So can we finally agree on that, there’s nothing useful in here and we’re just wasting our time? How much do we have? Three minutes?’ he asked aggressively with his forehead leaning against the wall. He was just as scared as everyone else, it was obvious from the way he kept kicking the metal panel next to a random bedroom, but his behaviour made everyone nervous and it made hard for them to concentrate.

Namjoon snorted and nuzzled closer to his girlfriend whose face was buried in the juncture between the boy’s neck and shoulder.

‘What? Did you all forget how to speak?’ Taehyung asked with anger in his eyes when he turned around and all he could see was a bunch of trembling idiots and the eerie IT guy who was walking down the hallway, murmuring something indecipherable under his nose. The Marketing major hated him for being such a smartass but he definitely hated the others more for acting ever so pathetic. For a second, they had made him believe that they would all die in the fancy palace, the researchers had built for themselves. ‘Even you, Ginger Head? You had such a big mouth back there when your boyfriend speeded up this killing machine,’ he looked at Wendy and from his tone and the tiny sweat drop on his neck, Joohyun could tell that it was defence mechanism. He tried to pick a fight to erase the silence. How human of him.

‘We got in! That was the plan and he made it possible so you should thank him instead of…’ the girl screamed at the lilac haired boy once she pushed herself further from Namjoon and stood up.

‘Thank him? Really?’ the questions rolled off Taehyung’s lips and the smug smirk that hid in the corner of his mouth scared the shit out of the med student. He looked cold like a man who didn’t have anything to lose anymore thus was ready to do anything that could put his heart at ease. For example holding onto the vengeance that he felt towards the Mechanical Engineering major who stepped between his girlfriend and Taehyung in the meantime. His heroic behaviour earned a scoff from the younger. ‘Well then thank you so much for killing us all, Your Highness,’ he said cruelly and even took a deep bow to emphasize the weight of his words.

It was Yoongi who put his hand on the Marketing major’s shoulder and pulled him further from the couple, pointing at the small, digital numbers on the metal panel that he couldn’t stop hitting a few minutes prior, the one that could have opened the nearest door if their bracelets had been still working. The clock told them that it was quarter to twelve which meant somewhere in Choego another zone had gotten cut off electricity three minutes ago. They were safe for the next twenty-seven minutes.

‘Let’s stop it here, shall we? We need to figure out where’s the main computer so that we can stop the countdown and open the gates,’ the IT guy said in a stern voice and looked around, searching for doubt in the other’s clouded eyes. His piercing gaze sent a jolt down in Seulgi’s spine.

‘I…’ she started but her voice was too quiet to be heard and by the time she gathered enough courage to repeat that simply pronoun, Taehyung brushed Yoongi’s hand off his shoulder and leaned closer to the older.

‘You said yourself that this system doesn’t have admins. You couldn’t even open a freaking door goddamnit. How could you save us all with your useless skills, hah?’ he spat the words into their leader’s face and pushing his chest, he shoved Yoongi backwards. When Namjoon and Jungkook tried to seperate them or more precisely when they tried to get Taehyung off Yoongi who stood still like a statue, all hell broke loose and that was enough for Seulgi to turn her back on the team, seeking for peace in the abandoned building. She didn’t fear the city or the invisible fences. What she feared the most was the human factors in the structure. She had learned it in her first year in uni that one couldn’t build a strong construction on a weak foundation. With the lilac haired guy’s attitude, they would never become a real team.

She opened a door on the second floor and sit on a bare table with her legs on the backrest of a chair. It felt nice to be able to breath again far from the noises of the ruckus thus she opened her backpack and fished out her silver cigarette case and a plain lighter. She didn’t think before she put the loosey between her lips and suck a mouthful of the mint flavoured smoke.

She sat in the silence for long minutes before something crashed into the metal door and the cigarette fell out of her slim fingers, burning her pale skin. Seulgi jumped off the table hastily and covered her belongings with her body when the intruder pushed the old-fashioned handle downwards to sneak inside the room. When Yerim’s gaze found hers, the younger seemed honestly relieved.

‘We decided on going forwards. We’ll try to escape through the bridge,’ she said in her weak voice as she stepped inside, leaving the older with no choice but to abandon her cigarette case and the lighter since there was no way that she could have shoved them into her backpack without Yerim noticing. She didn’t want the girl to tell about her habit to everyone especially not Wendy who tended to act like an overprotective mother whenever it came to their health. Seulgi didn’t need lectures, she had gotten enough from her own mother when they had still lived under the same rooftop in the outskirts of Seoul.

They walked side by side silently when a loud noise split the muteness into two, breaking the shelter that the silence had created around the girls. Suddenly the whole hallway went pitch black and then a few still seconds later the lights came back in a bloody shade of crimson. It felt like a living nightmare.

Seulgi grabbed the frozen girl’s hand and pulled Yerim towards the others near the stairs on the first floor. They all looked confused and frightened at first glance as if they couldn’t have believed that the hospital incident had come back to haunt them in daylight. 

Five minutes left until the total evacuation. The same, artificial voice warned them, freezing the blood in Seulgi’s veins who automatically casted her eyes down, looking at her burned finger with guilt filling her lungs. She let go of Yerim’s hand and took a shaky step further from the group, her movements followed by nothing but a stern gaze that was icy like the unforgiving cold of the winter air.

Min Yoongi shook his head and cleared his throat before he spoke up.

‘It’s the fire alarm system. Everybody, get out of the building,’ he shouted and pointed at the stairs behind their back.

The group of nine ran to the said direction with their hearts beating like crazy just to face with another obstacle as they realized that the building had locked them inside as if the system forgot that the main entrance should have been the last thing to close since the fire was nowhere near the door. They were supposed to have at least four or three more minutes to get to the exit goddamnit, a few of them swore under their noses while Taehyung kicked into the shock resistant glass. He acted like a wild animal that had been captured for the first time in his life. He meant to bite everyone who dared to step within an arm’s length radius.

‘The front door is closed. There’s no way out,’ the lilac haired boy informed Yoongi with a frown, making sure that the IT guy understood that it was him whom he was blaming for their doom. If Mr. Smartypants hadn’t insisted to look for the main computer in the researcher building, they would have never stuck in the glamourous yet useless dormitory in the first place. What the hell had they been thinking when they had let him take the role of the team captain? He was just as ridiculous of a leader as the dead man with the bloody tears.

Seulgi looked at Taehyung then shifted her gaze to Yoongi, putting her weight from one leg to another. 

‘We should head towards the basement. That way we can get out of here through the sewerage system,’ she whispered, jittery fingers fidgeting with the hem of her tee. She wasn’t one who was good at making orders and bossing people around but she sincerely hoped that the others wouldn’t question her knowledge, just do as she suggested and rush to the nearest stairs to the basement. After all, trusting her was their only chance.

For the Architecture major’s biggest surprise, no one - not even Taehyung - had said a word before they turned to left and ran to the seventh door on the hallway that separated them from those dozens of stairs that led to the basement level. Since they had already discovered every opened room of the building less than half an hour prior, it was an easy run. Although not all of them was that willing to save themselves if the basement was their only option. Yerim for example stayed still with pure terror in her eyes.

‘The basement…’ she mumbled and her voice cracked when the first vivid picture of her brother reappeared in her mind. She saw him running back to her so that he could pull her out of the danger zone as he had always done. She saw herself falling on her knees and their teammates watching the whole scene from the safe distance of the hallway. She saw Seokjin’s apologetic smile and the blood running down his cheeks. She saw the sorrowful faces and the pity written all over them when she kept screaming even after there had been no tears left in her eyes. How could have she possibly walked down the basement on her free will? Easy. She couldn’t.

Two minutes left until the total evacuation. The robotic voice said when Jungkook reached the right door and leaning his palm against its edge, he noticed that the girl who was always around him didn’t follow him as he assumed. The boy turned around and watched the small group that was behind him but none of the members had an annoyingly childish ribbon in their hair. So much for getting to the entrance first, he swore, letting Taehyung cross the threshold as he took an unsure step backwards and observed the hallway.

Yerim was standing in front of the closed door where they couldn’t escape with the same cloudy expression she’d had next to the computer’s desk in the hospital’s basement.

‘Shit,’ the boy murmured under his nose when he took a deep breath and rushed back to the main entrance regardless of the short period of time ahead of them before the total evacuation, whatever that meant.

On his way back to the main entrance, he could see Wendy pulling her hand out of her boyfriend’s grab and Seulgi reaching the top of the stairs with Joohyun but he tried to shut out the crimson lights and the monotone noise that resembled an enormous clock, counting endlessly. It was crazy as if they had been trapped in a living nightmare in which everyone went nuts. Since when did he care about random girl’s well-being more than his own life? Damn, he hadn’t even shared his favourite snacks with his younger siblings for God’s sake! 

Jungkook almost crashed into Yerim’s fragile body when his steps came to a halt after the fast speed but his presence, for the first time since this whole trial had started, didn’t have any effect on the younger as if she hadn’t even realized that the boy had come back to her. Her usually ruby red cheeks were pale and her gaze was cloudy, unfocused. Therefore lacking a better idea, Jungkook bent his knees and threw the girl over his left shoulder. She was so petite that her weight barely made any difference with the adrenaline running through the boy’s body.

‘I said I’m fine. Help him!’ Wendy raised her voice, pointing at Yoongi when Jungkook passed them by, jogging down the stairs. The boy lifted a brow in confusion but fastly shook the idea of staying out of his head. He wasn’t a hero to begin with and he had never intended to become one if not to become an excellent engineer who saved the future of millions as a well-paid employee under the Cheongsan Group. Regardless of the current chaos, he would have still accepted one of those fancy contracts. It was too valuable to throw it away because of sentimentalism. ‘He has asthma, he couldn’t reach the basement in time,’ he could hear the med student’s stern voice but the snort that followed it merged into the constant background noise, provided by the fire alarm when the door closed behind him and the sobbing dead weight on his back.

‘Fine, but you need to stay right next to me or else I won’t hesitate to leave him here and save you first,’ Namjoon claimed when his girlfriend looked around and took a step towards Hoseok who seemed dizzy as he walked with his hands kept on the wall. ‘You know that it isn’t a lie,’ the Mechanical Engineering major cleared his throat and being left with no choice, Wendy ran after him and Yoongi, following them down the stairs.

One minute left until the total evacuation. The artificial voice warned them in a lifeless tone and Wendy had never felt twenty-four steps that many before.

It was Seulgi and Joohyun who reached the iron door of their safe haven first and what they found was a surprisingly spacious room with ugly, grey paint on its walls and warm water droplets occasionally falling from above from the huge pipes that were placed on the ceiling. It was disappointing to say the least after all the high tech equipments that they had seen in the city and the fabulous interior design of the researcher building made of shock resistant glass, marble and thin metal that shone just as bright as crystals. It looked as if the budget had been cut off in the last minute and there wouldn’t have left enough money for the less important areas that were hidden beneath the ground.

They both snapped their heads towards the hallway when a faint thud followed by a loud swear filled the sphere between the stairs and the door and not long after Jungkook crossed the threshold with Yerim on his shoulder. The girls shared a knowing glance before Joohyun sat on her heels and helped the boy putting the sobbing girl on the floor, leaning her back to the wall in one of the corners. The older shot a faint smile at the panting boy before he stepped away and turned his back on the duo. He didn’t want to talk about the reason behind his actions nor answer to the other’s nosy questions if she had any.

There was less than one minute left when Namjoon dragged his girlfriend inside the room regardless of her weak attempts to pull away, running back to the hallway where the lilac haired guy was struggling to make the endless metres between his aching body and the iron door disappear. From what the redhead saw, he must have sprained his ankle in the rush but his misery was the last thing that Namjoon cared about. If he needed to choose between the world and Wendy, it would have always been the quick-tempered girl therefore choosing between her and the brat wasn’t even a hard decision to make. 

‘He won’t make it,’ the med student claimed angrily as she stamped her foot in frustration, pointing at the boy halfway to the entrance.

Namjoon let go of the IT guy’s shoulder and straightened his back, blocking the way from the girl who was ready to leave them all behind before the worst thing could have happened. Even though the boy had never had a problem with the girl bossing him around and would have done anything to please her, this time he simply couldn’t let her be. It was insane. He would have never forgiven himself if anything had happened to Wendy just because he couldn’t man up and took the rage that radiated from his sulky girlfriend.

Thirty seconds left until the total evacuation. The last warning cut through the lovebirds’ debate, leaving everyone a bit speechless as Joohyun pushed Namjoon out of the way and ran straight to Taehyung to help his injured ankle bear his own weight. She slid her arm on the boy’s shoulder and pulled him towards the room.

‘Come on!’ the girl mumbled through gritted teeth, not quite believing that she really risked her life for a boy who had threatened her less than an hour prior. On the other hand, her actions seemed almost rational considering that she did know how the human mind worked and that her conscious couldn’t have rested if she had let another member of their team die. With Sooyoung, it had been an unintentional homicide but knowing that this whole fiasco was very much real, she couldn’t just stand there and watch the boy got eliminated from the game as she had done with Gangnam Girl. She wasn’t as greedy and competitive for God’s sake. 

They were only a few steps away from the door when a transparent wall started to descend from the ceiling and everyone started to panic. Taehyung balled his empty fist and held onto the sweaty girl with the other, nails digging into the flesh painfully. Joohyun screamed, her eyes brimming with crystal-like tears as she kept moving regardless of the fast speed of the wall that already covered half of the entrance. They were definitely too slow to reach it in time yet as if her survival instinct had kicked in, she marched outright insane, keeping her gaze on the target. Three more steps; Taehyung’s panting dulled her senses and pushed her underwater. Two steps; for a mere second they almost lost their balance. One step; Joohyun’s spine crashed into the wall when they bent their backs but by the time the wall fitted close to the ground they were all safe. The thought alone was enough for the girl to let her tears fall in frustration.

Watching her wobbly legs giving out, Wendy immediately rushed to the girl, sat on her heels and fished a bottle of still water out of her bag to dip her extra tee in lukewarm liquid before she placed it onto Joohyun’s nape.

‘What the hell was that?’ Taehyung screamed out of control, kneeling on Joohyun’s right. He clenched his palms and punched the floor so hard his pale knuckles started to bleed after the third powerful hit. His whole body was trembling in despair and for the first time ever since they had left the dormitory, no one could blame him for how he coped with the fear.

‘You were right. We should have never gone to that basement nor cut the wires of that stupid control panel,’ Joohyun whispered under her nose and her weak comment eared a surprised glance from the lilac haired guy. He had been so used to the disapproving retorts by now that the girl’s statement melted his anger. Though, just for a second, not a single heartbeat more.

The silence that embraced the university students was unnerving to say the least and the fact that Yerim rocked herself back and forth in the corner, humming a lullaby as if it could put her at ease just made the whole situation more uncomfortable. This time even Seulgi felt a bit anxious with her arms crossed in front of her chest while she was waiting for Yoongi or anyone who was brave enough to take the lead and give them an order.

A few ephemeral moments later, she looked down at her burnt finger and took a deep breath, trying to gather enough courage to confess. After all, it was most likely her fault that the fire alarm system had turned on and locked the whole building. Even the fact that it was her idea to escape through the basement couldn’t have made up for it. 

‘I…’ she whispered with an enormous knot in her throat when Yoongi’s question outplaced her weak attempt to tell everyone the truth. 

‘Where’s Hoseok?’ It wasn’t a question directed to the brown haired girl yet his gaze could have burnt a hole into Seulgi’s chest when she realized that the boy was looking at her right hand or more precisely the angry red flesh on her index finger. She shoved her hand into her pocket and turned away.

‘There,’ Namjoon said sternly, his voice cold like floating icebergs, and suddenly everyone’s gaze shifted to the direction he was pointing at expect for Yerim. She didn’t need to take a look at Hoseok’s body to be sure that the boy was dead or in the verge of dying. For her, his absence made it obvious that something terrible had happened.

Jung Hoseok was lying on the concrete a few inches from the stairs, lifeless eyes watching them all with blame and agony. He looked just like those scientists on the dorm’s floor who had died from insufficient oxygen and one didn’t have to be a genius in medicine to put the bloody puzzle pieces together. When the countdown had reached zero, the fire alarm system sucked the air out of the building to stop the fire before the whole research center could have caught on it.

Namjoon pulled his girlfriend close for a hug, looking for comfort in the warmth of her body but it didn’t help much. His stomach was uneasy because of the guilt he needed to swallow down even though a part of him tried to convince him that what he had done had been for the better. He couldn’t have saved another person beside Yoongi and if he had let Wendy carry Hoseok all the way to the basement she might have not made it. Her well-being must have been more important than a random dude’s life goddamnit even if that boy had never done anything wrong to them and playing God was a cruel game to begin with. 

‘Okay, it’s time to get out of here,’ Yoongi spoke up although his voice was wrecked, far from being that firm he had intended it to be. He walked to the iron door and closed it to cover Hoseok’s body then looked around and asked Jungkook to help Yerim stood up. It was his rationality speaking because even after using his inhaler, he felt too dizzy to carry the girl and Seulgi was so out of it that he rather didn’t put more onto her shoulders. Taehyung had Joohyun to lean on while Namjoon refused to let go of his girlfriend who stayed beside him silently. They had been together long enough for Wendy to know when the boy was clingy and overprotective and when he was rather in serious need of her presence to avoid self-hatred. So this time she didn’t protest. 

Yoongi walked to the grey wall across the entrance and sat on his heels as he tried to open the trapdoor that was well-hidden but visible once someone knew what to look for. It cracked open with a loud creak and underneath there was a ladder showing the way to the sewerage system just as Seulgi had said. The boy narrowed his eyes but stayed quiet.

Everyone looked at him with expectation, waiting for him to take the first step.

‘Your excellent idea, you go first, Captain Out of Breath,’ Taehyung snorted with mockery clinging to his words and even though he wasn’t entirely right since the idea itself had come from Seulgi, Yoongi clenched his teeth and grabbed the ladder, starting to climb. It wasn’t like they had any other option.

➼  IX. chapter

[moon-yeongjun]

Fathers and Sons || Mu Jun

 Summary: This takes place the Taekwondo weekend! Mu-yeol and Yeong-jun drink together and open up to each other. It’s Very Good i love this thread 

@baenxietydad

tw: mentions of cancer, death, also alcohol 

MARLIN:   Jun made the mistake of conceding when the two of them went back and forth about who was going to pay for the alcohol. Mu-yeol would have let Jun pay if he didn’t already feel like rot about him having to pay for the hotel, and if he actually suspected Jun would buy enough to even get Marlin drunk in the first place. A fairy’s alcohol tolerance was no joke; especially a healing talent fairy.   It was almost like he needed an alcohol IV to get enough into his bloodstream to get him good and proper pissed.   There was no way in hell he’d tell Jun to go out and buy that much alcohol. He’d do it himself and look like he had a drinking problem instead.   When he got back to the room, he waited with a smirk and his back turned to Jun for Jun to insist he had gone too hard at the off-licence. 

  JUN:  Jun was already a bit drunk.   Of course he was at least a little drunk! His little brother had won, dragging all those other kids across the mat and making the Moon family proud. He’d shouted himself nearly hoarse, almost cried when he was hugging Tae, and could not stop smiling whenever he caught sight of the medal that Jun was forcing Tae to wear throughout dinner. So yes, celebratory drinks! Such things were mandatory when you were the hyung of the  T.A.G.B Tae Kwon-Do Cadet English Championship Finalist!    They ate a horrid amount of food, Jun had some fancy cocktail he couldn’t remember the name of, and soju, of course soju, they all, even Tae-yah and Nam-min-ie, had a little soju. Just a little.    Now the boys had gone back to their room to stuff their mouths full of sweet and salty snacks and pass out. Jun, however, just a little drunk, asked his hyung-nim if he would like to keep drinking with him. It was a night of nights, eh? The weather was perfect for drinking.   Now though?   “Yahhhhhhhhh,” Jun exclaimed and then laughed. “What are you doing? Are you trying to drown me? This is enough for Tae-yah’s whole taekwondo team!”

    MARLIN:   Marlin laughed and shook his head. Oh, Jun. You’ll see. Soon enough, you’ll see.   “You won’t be saying that for long.” Mu-yeol said with a devious grin. “You’ve obviously never tried drinking with a fairy before.”   It would take him probably an entire bottle of liquor and some change to feel a buzz, more to be proper drunk, and even more to wake up with a hangover the next morning. He was trying to drink in the proper drunk range, but there’s no telling. Maybe Jun is a surprisingly fun drinking buddy and he’ll lose track of how much he’s drinking.   “I can’t drink in public because I get cut off before I even get drunk.”   JUN:  He rolled his eyes at Mu-yeol, but he reached for a bottle of the soju and beckoned for him to sit down. They did not have a proper table in this hotel room-- just a desk, the one desk chair, their two beds, and a small nightstand between the beds. Thus, Jun had determined the nightstand to be their table of sorts, with both of them using the beds as seats. Jun put the soju glasses down and poured Mu-yeol’s drink.    “Ah, you fairies, eh, must you be better at everything?” he joked as he poured. “Should get ahead of me then, I’ve not been drunk since--” When was the last time? Jun scoffed and laughed, shoulders shaking. “I don’t even remember.” 

  MARLIN:   Marlin chuckled when Jun instinctively poured his soju. Damn, Jun really was Korean. Though he was more surprised that Jun acknowledged the fairy thing with a joke so comfortably.   “Depends on the fairy. Like, my sister and one of my brothers get drunk a little quicker because they aren’t healing fairies. Nemo needs me to heal his nose when he breaks it, but when I drop kegs on my toe at work it heals itself.” He explained with a shrug.    He smiled sadly at Jun. of course it had been a long while since Jun was able to proper drink. He had to become his father so fast.    “May 18th, 2006.”   Three days after So-yeon was murdered. He left Nam-min with his parents for the night while he and his siblings went to human Daegu and they let him get embarrassing, crying, incoherent drunk. He wanted to get completely pissed just once under the watchful eyes of his dongsaengdul. 

  JUN:  “Aish, well that’s longer than me. Can’t believe you remember the date.” Jun said, laughing. 2006! Jun was-- how old? He had moved to Swynlake. Must be 14 or 15? He hadn’t gotten drunk yet. The first time for him had been when his hal-moni died. He huddled alone in his room, having stolen beer from the store. He drank and drank, can after can, eyes wet with tears, until everything spun and Jun passed out. He woke up hours later only to go vomit. Eomma found him and scolded him, though quietly, tears still in her eyes. Because Jun might have lost his hal-moni, but Eomma lost her own eomma. Drinking was selfish.   He got drunk outside of the house then. Not often. When he did drink though, Jun liked to black out and spend the next day in complete misery for his stupidity. The punishment fit the crime.    Tonight though, for once, he drank to celebrate.    He kicked back a shot. 

  MARLIN:   “Yeah, I mean, I still lived in Daegu and my parents were watching the baby.” He said, shrugging a shoulder.    Conveniently, he left out why he got plastered that day.   He knocked back his shot and went ahead and poured himself another, promptly taking that one as well. Believe him, Jun. He needed it. It suddenly occurred to him as he poured himself another shot, and poured on for Jun, that neither of them were talking.   “Have you told Tiffany about Tae’s win yet?”

  JUN:  Jun also went for another shot. The soju burned pleasantly, lingering long enough for the body to crave another. Such was the appeal of soju-- much better than vodka, which seared like gasoline.    He downed it and then peered at the one remaining drop that had clung to the bottom of the glass.    “Eh? Who?” he asked, still staring at that drop. 

  MARLIN:   Who?   That wasn’t what he was expecting when he brought up Jun’s girlfriend. From what Eun-jung said they were made for each other. Not that she said much but what the normal Korean parent would say. Oh, she’s going to be a doctor, she’s so intelligent, and so Korean!   Jun was going to be a doctor too. That hurt him to think about, how Jun had had to give that up to run Moon Market.   “Uh, Tiffany? Your girlfriend? Your mother’s talked about her before. Unless, uh, that was an old girlfriend?”

  JUN:  “Eh?” Jun grunted again, blinking. And then Tiffany snapped into place, firing off the correct neurons. “Oh! Yes, yes, Tiffany. My girlfriend,” Jun confirmed with several more nods as he put the glass down on the table.    He had forgotten to tell Tiffany about Tae’s tournament at all, to be honest. When was the last time they had spoken on the phone? Aish, who cared? It wasn’t like they needed such things. Tiffany was quite busy and they had a very pleasant email correspondence going on…    “No, I-- s’busy day.” He waved a hand. “I’ll tell her tomorrow! She’s still at her clinic right now, I’m sure. And this sort of thing isn’t, not really her thing.” He shrugged. “She’s an only child, you know how it is.”   

MARLIN:   “It sounds…” Marlin trailed off, wondering if he should say it.    He was going to say ‘like she’s not your thing’ but decided against it. That was best kept in his head.   “Boring. Being an only child.” He said, knocking back his fourth shot and pouring another. “Only children in the traditional sense aren’t a thing in fairy culture.”

  JUN:  That didn’t make much sense.    But much of fairy culture did not make sense, the little he heard of it. It sounded-- too nice. Jun could not trust something that was so nice. Fairies themselves were nice too, very very nice, nice to a fault. Of all the Magicks, he supposed he’d like to hang out with a fairy more than anything else, but that didn’t mean he would trust them. There was always a catch to kindness. He just had never figured out what it was when it came to fairies.    Or maybe they were just naive, the poor dears.    “Your son is an only child,” Jun said then bluntly, like Marlin forgot. 

  MARLIN:   He smiled sadly. “Not by choice, of course.” And waved a hand dismissively as if to etch-a-sketch away the sad thing he said.    Marlin cleared his throat to explain. “Typically if a fairy is widowed, we’re expected to, if not find another partner or two, combine households with another widowed fairy and raise your fledglings as siblings. Alternatively, if your Talent is considered rare - like my mother’s - or highly essential, like mine, you are expected or enter into a Promise with another fairy of that same talent and have a child in hopes of it being that Talent. If you don’t go into a love Promise, you should have a strategic one, for the good of the Hollow.”   He took his fifth shot.    “Promise is like our version of marriage. You can have 1, 2, I’ve even seen a fairy have 3 Promise partners. And you can’t have children outside of your Promise. Anyway. I’m a healing Talent, basically a fairy doctor. It’s actually considered incredibly strange that I didn’t either enter into a Promise with another healing Talent and try to have a healing Talent child; or, just combine households with another widowed fairy. Selfish, even.”   Marlin sighed and poured himself another shot. “Nemo and I aren’t very popular in the Hollow as you can imagine.”

  JUN:  It was a very good thing that Jun was about half a bottle of soju in, plus the drinks he had at dinner.    If he were sober, his impulse would be to stop this conversation at once. He had no interest in fairy culture. The less he knew, the better. That was the best thing about fairies, eh? Unlike other magicks, they kept their business to themselves and in their Hollow. They did their thing-- and humans did theirs. Everyone lived in harmony, which was what fairies were all about.   But he was drunk, his curiosity floating to the surface. His face screwed up at how bizarre it all sounded.    “Aish, that’s a headache waiting to happen,” said Jun. “Three partners?!  One is already hard enough, you’re probably better off on your own!” He sucked his teeth. “Ah, but they shouldn’t be so hard on you, being a single parent should be-- it’s like--” he searched for his words. “Being a warrior. You deserve a medal.”   

MARLIN:   “Fairies don’t see it that way. There’s much I love about fairy society, in fact I love everything about it except that. But I have had much more exposure to human society and culture than the fairies in either Hollow I’ve lived in.” Marlin explained. “An acceptance of single parents kind of crept in by osmosis.”   He knocked back his sixth shot, then his seventh right after, and poured the eighth.   “It is almost offensive to many in the Hollow that my son and I live alone. But I worried we’d speak English in the home if I combined households with another widowed fairy. Then Nam-min wouldn’t know any Korean.”   After taking his eighth shot, he clicked his tongue and said. “Still no buzz. Aish.” And poured his ninth.    “In my home Hollow, Promise pairs or sets could produce three children without permission from the Pixie Queen. Here, it’s two, so our homes are made to house four fairies. And it is the height of selfishness ours houses two.”   JUN:  Stupid. All of what Mu-yeol was saying was stupid and Jun honestly didn’t know why they were talking about it. Not because he was uncomfortable, but because tonight, wasn’t it supposed to be a celebration? His brother was a winner! Jun and Tae had not gotten into one single fight all weekend (even if sometimes Jun had wanted to slap the back of his brother’s head). Even Mu-yeol seemed rather happy, eh? He and his son were cute, and Jun knew that they’d been fighting because of that damn vampire.    So why talk about things that could not be changed?    “Well who cares about them,” Jun said. The soju sloshed into his glass. “Don’t pay them any mind. You should get more human friends.” Jun said and pointed the lip of the soju bottle at Mu-yeol. “Not that people aren’t just as annoying but still, none of that 개소리 (gaesori) about being selfish. We humans love being selfish. And you can afford to be selfish sometimes! Eh? Like my eomma, she usually comes to these things. But I’ve been away so long. Over a decade you know, because medical school, aish, so exhausting. Tae hated me for missing his tournaments. And I hated me too! Did he think I was doing it on purpose?! I wanted to come, I tried, I really-- but there was so much work all the time.”   Jun sighed and he shot back the glass. He poured more, forgetting his manners now. Some sloshed over the side of the glass. “So I told Eomma-- my turn. I’ll take him. I’ll close the damn store for a weekend if I have to, no matter what Abeoji says, ohhh, he’s so mad at me for that-- says we never close the store, never. So I upset him. Of course I upset him. But too bad. For once, I do something for me. My little brother…”    Jun was drunker than he thought.    “So-- there you go. Do something for you, hyung. We work hard, eh?”

  MARLIN:   Jun was very drunk. He knew he was very drunk, because he accidentally called him hyung, just plain hyung, and not hyung-nim. Adding -nim still put distance between them. Hyung meant they were actually friends.    “Yeah, fuck-- fuck it.” Marlin said, taking his ninth shot, then drinking the about half-shot worth that was in that bottle straight from it and opening another. Knocking back his tenth shot, he smiled and said. “Ten and a half, I should finally start feeling something. You can imagine how expensive this would be if we drank in public.”   Bottles of liquor in the hotel was the way to go.

  JUN:  Jun laughed, shaking his head. “You better not be lyin’ about this fairy tolerance, ‘m not cleaning up after you.” Jun said, leaning forward a little and pointing at him with a finger.   Though ah, that was a lie. Even drunk, Jun would drag Mu-yeol to the bathroom if he needed to. He’d wipe his chin and force water down his throat and tuck him into bed like a child, if he had to, because Jun did not know how to be anything else.   He wanted to be, though. For one night.   Jun reached for another soju bottle. “You’re an appa, eh?” He cracked open the top. “What’s the secret? Mm? To be a good son? Because I’m really trying.” Jun touched his own chest. 

  MARLIN:   Mu-yeol snorted and shook his head. “Mate,” the single word in English sounded off in the middle of comfortable Korean. “You’ll wish I was bullshitting.”   At what Jun said next though, his heart lurched painfully in his chest. He never understood why human fathers couldn’t just tell their sons they were proud of them. It was four words and they prevented a lot of frustration and heartache. A part of him understood Mr. Moon. They were both immigrants and just wanted to push their children to be able to survive without them one day in this country that would always be foreign to them, that would never quite be their home.   But as fairies, Marlin and Nemo easily could express their feelings toward each other. Nemo hugged him when he wanted to show his affection and occasionally hopped up on his toes to kiss his cheek goodbye as he scurried out the door. Marlin would curl up next to Nemo when he sensed he needed appa snuggles and played with his hair like he’d done since he was a toddler. To fairies it was ‘a little childish’ at worst, and ‘just normal’ in most cases.   “Jun...I’m not in your father’s head, but. You are a very good son. You gave up your life to run the store, and you’re putting yourself through a relationship you aren’t invested in just to please your Korean parents that want a Korean daughter-in-law. You are the dictionary definition of a filial Korean son.” Marlin said. “And your father is the stereotypical Korean immigrant father who loves you but can’t seem to say it.”   Had Yeong-seok said with his own words to him that he loved Jun? No, no but he didn’t have to. As a father himself, he could recognize the older man’s love where his children wouldn’t.   “Korean immigrant human father.” He clarified. “We-” meaning fairies “-tend to be very open about our feelings. It just isn’t in human masculine culture. And that isn’t fair to you, I know. But you are a good son. You love your parents, and your sisters, and your brother, and you’ve sacrificed your own aspirations for them. That is the most selfless--”   He cut himself off and downed his eleventh shot. “I think your father can’t say it because he hates that you had to do it. He wanted you to be a doctor so badly. He never stopped talking about how well you were doing in medical school, but then he got sick, and kept getting sicker, and here you are.”   JUN:  He didn’t believe Mu-yeol about this either.    He could think in the most logical part of his brain that yes, Appa loved him, and yes, Appa was proud. A few years ago, before his cancer, he’d come close to saying similar things to Jun when Jun came home on one of his brief weekends he could spare, and ended up assisting his abeoji with some task. Usually working in the garden. His abeoji loved the family garden more than anything else and would have lived his happiest life if he could go out day after day and simply tend to the rows of greens and vegetables. When Jun worked in the garden with him, there was peace between father and son...a beautiful, clean silence, only broken occasionally by Yeong-seok when he decided he had something to share.    Jun liked the garden too. He liked working with his hands, the cool, wet dirt against his work jeans. It was the opposite of sterile clinic rooms. The smell of pulled roots and fertilizer nothing like disinfectant.    He always thought of his abeoji when he gardened now. His appa spent many mornings out, sitting in his garden, but no longer had the strength or energy to even weed.    And so now there were no more opportunities for his abeoji to say anything kind. Instead, there was a neverending list of everything that Jun did wrong. Abeoji mad at him for coming home too early, Abeoji mad at him for partnering with a different, cheaper distributor, Abeoji angry about hiring Eric (he had called Jun lazy-- could Jun disagree with him?)    Jun knew that the man he’d never truly known, as hard as he tried to, would die disappointed in him.    He drank his soju.    He shook his head. “Abeoji and I…it’s different. I don’t think I was ever his son.” He squinted, looking past Mu-yeol’s shoulder. “How can you feel those things eh, for a boy you don’t know? He was a stranger to me too. The first year I lived in Swynlake with him, aish, I kept wanting to call him Ahjussi. Abeoji kept catching on my tongue, like saying this was disrespectful to the man who took my eomma and me in.” Jun chuckled, though this wasn’t funny. “As if my parents weren’t married!”    “I have to work much harder for him to call me his son, I think. He got to see Tae-yah and my sisters grow up, so it’s easier to love them. I’m not complaining,” Jun added quickly. He blinked, and his eyes were wet. Because he was tired, that’s all, he wasn’t sad. “He would have liked to know me as a boy. He sacrificed that for me and Eomma, so ‘m not mad. It’s simply how it is. Maybe if I had a son of my own, it’d be a second chance.” He blinked again, his chest burning and tight, and his voice wobbled as he said, “It’s too late though, isn’t it? He’ll never know my son.” 

  MARLIN:   “Jun.” Marlin said, eschewing all the rules of human masculinity and reaching to grab one of Jun’s hands in his. “You were always his son. He wouldn’t have left to lay a foundation for you and Eun-- your eomma if you weren’t his son. I can promise you, as a father myself, that it tore him apart inside to not get to raise you himself. And fathers, we...kind of suck at dealing with our own pain. Especially when its related to our children.”   He laughed bitterly to himself, thinking about how he’s absolutely fucked Nam-min up for life.   “He’s probably hard on you because he just wants to know you’ll turn out all right despite him not having been there for you. And I know it isn’t fair to you, and I know from where you’re standing you don’t feel his love for you, but Jun. Yeong-seok loves you.”   And it was unfair that Jun would never get the chance to actually know that.   Because Jun was right. It was much too late. For months now Mu-yeol had physically felt Death on the patriarch of the Moon family. It clung to him like dried wood glue that stuck to your skin no matter how much you tried to rub it off. The treatments only ever made the intensity of the weight of Death fluctuate but never come close to leaving him.   “Oh, Junnie.” Marlin cooed, going from his bed to Jun’s and impulsively cradling him in his arms. “Jun, I know. I know it's not fair.”

  JUN:  The room was swimming. Jun blinked slowly, his eyes coming to focus on Mu-yeol’s hand on his, though he did not really feel it. He was just aware of its warmth, but it could have been anything.  His eyes closed briefly, only half of his hyung-nim’s words reaching him through this own stupid alcohol blanket.    How could he explain? There was so much distance in Jun’s life between himself and the people that he cared about, his abeoji most of all. He’d grown up talking to Abeoji on the phone and that’s how it had felt now, even when they were in the same room. They did not really look at each other; they could not exactly see. There was a flaw in their timing as was always the case with phone conversation, Jun and Yeong-seok trying to talk at the same time, stopping, and then falling into a hesitated silence.    Jun might have started rambling about phone conversations and maybe if Facetime had been invented when he was a small boy then it’d be all different, oh the joys of modern technology-- but then Mu-yeol’s weight fell on the other side of him.   And he was being held.    What the hell? Jun wanted to pull away, but instead he leaned into Mu-yeol’s grip, his face twisted and his eyes closing even tighter than they had before. “This is stupid,” he croaked but still didn’t pull away. And he wanted to say other things--   That cancer was stupid.   That it was hilarious and cruel that he could be a doctor, in a relationship with an oncologist, and still be unable to help his abeoji.    And despite how sad he was, there was a part of him that was relieved. Relieved to be home. Relieved to be back in the Moon Market, where he spent his adolescence. And it was this part of him that he hated most of all, that he was certain his parents saw and were ashamed.    Instead, he remained in Mu-yeol’s arms and he said in his voice still thick with tears, “Hyung...hyung, can I call you hyung?” He already was, of course, but he was much too drunk to register.   

MARLIN:   Mu-yeol shook his head and pat Jun’s back. “No it’s not. Having feelings and being hurt isn’t ridiculous. It isn’t fair to you to always be the one to keep it together for your family.”   He could stand to take a page from Jun’s book, however.    “Yeah, that’s okay.” He said, biting back an awkward chuckle at Jun remembering his politeness even now.    He kind of wished he were Olaf because then at least hugging Jun would have provided some amount of genuine comfort.    JUN:  Was he crying? Jun could not tell. How embarrassing if he was, and he grimaced at himself and pulled away from Mu-yeol’s arms, though they still sat side by side, close enough for their shoulders to brush. He hoped that he was drunk enough to forget this. It was fine, as long as he forgot the whole thing, even if Mu-yeol didn’t.  He tried not to think about how much it meant to him, to have a hyung of his own. He should thank Mu-yeol for his pity, ha.    “Bah, enough of me. I’m sick of me. Talk about yourself.” Jun instructed and he drank from his soju bottle, the alcohol burning quite pleasantly. 

  MARLIN:   Mu-yeol chuckled low in his throat and grabbed another bottle of soju and drank straight from it. Talk about himself? He was never good at that.    “Well, what should I say, huh?” He laughed. “What could distract you for a night?”  

JUN:  “Anything,” said Jun at once. He groaned a little, lifted a hand to his forehead to rub with two fingers. This was why he didn’t cry, eh? Crying was painful, he hated it so much.    “Tell me-- tell me about Daegu, eh? I never visited. I never went anywhere though, eh, just stayed in Boseong and South Jeolla,” rambled Jun. “We went to a few...surrounding towns and things, to put my eomma’s pottery in cafes. She is a talented potter, you know.” Mu-yeol did; he’d known Eun-jung for years after all. Even now, Eun-jung had some of her ceramics displayed in Hatter’s, [name redacted], and there was a shelf in the store. She did not sell many things, but what she did sell, she was proud of. 

  MARLIN:   “She’s very talented. Your mother always seemed like an artist, even before I knew.” Mu-yeol said. “Have you ever been to Seoul? I lived there for a while too. Daegu is more beautiful, and feels more like home, but Seoul was...until the end, Seoul was good to me.”   “Daegu is surrounded by mountains, it sometimes feels like you’re straight out of a fairytale. Like the modern Korean city was plucked out of the works and placed in a storybook setting. I miss Seoul. I miss Daegu more, even if Seoul was where I lived with Nam-min’s mother. Daegu is where I fell in love with her.”   He sighed and smiled sadly before he drank straight from a bottle of soju. That was all so, so long ago now.   He hoped Tiffany made Jun as happy as So-yeon made him. He knew she didn’t.   “I wonder if I would recognize the city if I went back. Or the Hollow that I grew up in.”  

JUN:  Jun hadn’t been to Seoul. When he met other Koreans, whether first or second or third generation, this was a question that came up. Not so much second-generation, but still. He always felt fake when he admitted that he’d never been to his country’s capital...that there was much of his home he never saw. Most of the Korean families he met anyway came from the city areas up north. When he mentioned Boseong, they always nodded before saying anything else. Jun could hear their thoughts: ah, from the country. Ah, he’s not educated.    Such judgments always pushed Jun harder to work on his doctor’s license. That was why Eomma and Abeoji always pushed him, wasn’t it? Their family came from humble means, and South Korea was stratified by class like most of the stupid world. Jun had to prove that he was more than just a boy from the tea fields.   For a while, the ruse had worked, but the world had now beat Jun back into place. He chuckled sadly. A fairy had even been to Seoul. A fairy. And he hadn’t.    “I hope the fields are how I remember them,” Jun commented instead of revealing the depth of his own inadequacy. “So green. And it smelled amazing. I still brew green tea when I miss home, just to smell it.” He sighed and looked at Mu-yeol. “Daegu sounds beautiful.” A beat. “I’m sorry...you lost so much.” 

  MARLIN:   “I’ve never been to Boseong, but I’ve spent time in other parts of the countryside. Country people are the kindest people. Don’t let people who can only speak in a Seoul dialect talk down on your family for being from the country. Or worse - people who can only speak English.”   He smiled almost devilishly and slipped purposely into his own native dialect, curious if Jun could follow Daegu dialect Korean. He’d lived in Korea for ten years, his parents spoke in a regional dialect when they weren’t careful, so Mu-yeol suspected Jun may be able to.   “You know there were probably Hollows, at least one, around Boseong. Hollows usually thrive in the countryside, but my home Hollow in Daegu is as ancient as the Korean Peninsula. The city was born and our Hollow never moved. Ironically, the war breathed a new life into it. Refugees from the North, including my father, flocked from firebombed Hollows, fleeing Soviet, North Korean, and Chinese soldiers killing any fairy they saw. Dictatorships and their soldiers don’t take kindly to magicks of any sort.”   He sipped from his bottle of soju and sighed wistfully. “It was beautiful. And so was-” he almost said ‘she’, but god, that would make this so sad, wouldn’t it?    This wasn’t about him. This weekend was about Tae and Jun. Jun was one whose father was dying. Mu-yeol’s wife had been dead for over a decade. He didn’t get to whine. Then Jun gave him the opportunity and he wondered if he was cleverly using his grief to avoid his own. Well, he wasn’t selfish. He’d not burst into tears and make this a woe is Mu-yeol, the maladjusted widower, the shame of Daegu moment, but he’d give Jun permission to eventually access the full tragic backstory.   That’s what friends do, after all. And Jun had called him hyung.    “Humans measure time in B.C.E. and C.E. My metric is before May 15th, 2006, and after. I should stop whining that I didn’t have So-yeon for longer and just be grateful I got to have her for the ten years I did. Some people get even less time.” Mu-yeol sipped more soju, the pleasant burn made talking about this easier. “But I’m not that big of a person. My anger’s too big.”   He smiled sadly at Jun. “I hope someday you are as happy as I was, before the fifteenth of May. And I hope you get to stay that way for a long time.”  

[burclay]

Last Ones Out

A late answer to the @thirteenfanzine's "formalwear" prompt. The Doctor gets invited to Merry Galel's sixteenth birthday party. She takes Yaz, Ryan, and Graham with her, all dressed to the nines. Thasmin fluff.

Takes place after Fanciful Notions.

Title is from Mitski’s “Two Slow Dancers,” which came on just as I was finishing this and felt very appropriate.

AO3

It was maybe a week after the whole wedding thing. Yaz and Ryan and Graham and the Doctor had spent most of it on a space cruise, which had been unexpectedly fun— the idea of a cruise had never appealed to Yaz on Earth, but when the ship was passing nebulas and the stops were all at different alien planets with the Doctor pulling them off the beaten path, it was just a calmer sort of adventure.

Well, calmer until it turned out that the ship was secretly teleporting random passengers away, and then it was the regular kind of adventure, with running and aliens and problems crashing into each other until Ryan found the source of the teleports and Graham blocked the ship’s captain in his cabin and Yaz and the Doctor piloted the ship together, holding hands and still managing to not talk about what it meant to be girlfriends.

And then they were back in the TARDIS, trying to decide where to go next, when a noise went off somewhere and the Doctor’s coat flared as she ran around the console to find the source. She bent to peer at a tiny screen, then straightened up.

“Brilliant!” she said. “We’re invited to the sixteenth birthday of Merry Galel!”

“Who?” Graham asked.

“Old friend,” the Doctor said. “Brilliant girl. Or, she was when I met her. Probably still brilliant. I keep meaning to check up on her planet, and I never have. Got to see if she’s still singing!”

“What sort of celebration is it?” Yaz asked.

“Oh, I’ve no idea,” the Doctor said. “Probably somewhat fancy, yeah? She’s a bit of a public figure.”

“So, do we have to dress up?” Ryan asked.

“I didn’t think of that!” the Doctor exclaimed. “Might be nice. I’ll tell you one thing, though— I’m not wearing another dress.”

“Fair enough,” Graham said. “I have to say, I’ve never envied women on that front.”

Yaz smiled to herself, remembering the dress the Doctor had worn before, the blue fabric rippling to the ground. It had been impractical but pretty— exactly the sort of thing the Doctor would hate, really.

“When do we leave?” she asked.

“Soon as we can,” the Doctor said with a grin. “Or we can take our time. Your choice, really.”

“I haven’t got anything nice to wear,” Yaz realized.

“You mean you don’t take your formalwear on adventures?” Ryan asked.

“Not usually,” Yaz said.

“You can use the TARDIS wardrobe,” the Doctor said. “All of you. Me too, really. Can’t fit into anything I used to wear.”

The four of them set off through the corridors to the wardrobe. Once there, they scattered to different corners, which Yaz was glad of— when she found it, she didn’t want to spoil her outfit for the others (meaning, for the Doctor— she was sure Ryan and Graham didn’t care) before the party.

The TARDIS never ceased to amaze Yaz. She found all sorts of things— dresses from all eras, including a few that must have been from far in the future; strange skirts; dress pants made of all different materials. In a moment of indecision, Yaz grabbed six different outfits from six different times and places and brought them all back to her room to try on.

Half an hour later, she had settled on a massive red dress— it was most likely from the Victorian era, but Yaz figured anything she wore would look alien and anachronistic on this strange planet, and when else would she have the chance to wear a lavish old dress? She put it on and looked in the mirror. She would have to do her hair to match the intricacy of the dress, with its puffed sleeves and trails of gold lace and shining ruby skirt that opened up only to reveal a golden skirt beneath.

Her hair took another half hour to comb and braid and coil and arrange. And then she remembered the fast-acting henna she had found at some market far in the future, which was perfect for an event like this, and so she covered her left hand in intricate designs— by the end of it, she was sure the others must have been done ages ago, but when she put a gold chain around her neck, slid her feet into a pair of black flats, and ventured to the console room, she just saw Ryan and Graham, Ryan in the same suit he’d worn to the wedding, Graham in a sensible blazer and slacks.

“Whoa,” Ryan said when he saw Yaz. “You really went all out.”

Yaz smiled.

“Thanks,” she said. “You both clean up as well as ever.”

Ryan shrugged.

“Don’t see the point of putting so much effort in,” he said. “I think the Doctor might still be picking out her suit.”

Yaz’s smile grew.

“Can’t wait to see that,” she said.

“I’ll bet you can’t,” Graham teased. Yaz had always been grateful that blushes didn’t show up on her skin, and now was no exception.

“Don’t remember asking your opinion,” she said, with no real annoyance.

“It’s ‘cause he’s a white man,” Ryan said, still joking. “Always thinks his opinion’s needed.”

“Well, now,” Graham began, but he trailed off, looking at something just behind Yaz. Confused, Yaz turned to see—

Oh.

The Doctor was wearing a fitted three-piece suit in deep blue. It was dotted with golden embroidery stars, which swirled up from her ankle in a galactic swath, winding around and widening until they hit her collar. She had done something to her eyes to make them sparkle even more than usual (glittery mascara, maybe?), and she had managed to tuck all her hair up into a top hat the same shade of blue as the suit. As Yaz looked, speechless, she picked up a few other details— the Doctor’s sleeves flared out at her wrists, and she was wearing a plain blue bowtie, and her buttons were the same shade and shine as her stars, and she was the most beautiful thing Yaz had ever seen on an ordinary day, but today— well, today was an especially good one.

“Brilliant,” the Doctor said, somehow completely unaware of the effect she’d had. “You’re all here. Shall we go?”

“If Yaz can get her jaw off the floor,” Ryan said.

The Doctor looked at him.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes innocently wide.

“Nothing!” Yaz exclaimed, shooting Ryan a glare. “Let’s go.”

The Doctor shrugged. Her movements, which could often be described as nearly comical, were rendered graceful by the elegance of the suit, Yaz noticed, but she didn’t stare this time. Instead, she followed the Doctor to the TARDIS console.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Someplace awesome,” the Doctor said. “Akhaten. In your future, but it doesn’t much matter, seeing as it’s so far away. Their religion revolves around their sentient sun, and Merry, whose birthday we’re going to, is in charge of singing it to sleep.”

“Really?” Graham asked.

“Well,” the Doctor said, flipping a switch. “That’s an oversimplification. But essentially, yeah.” She twirled a dial, threw a breaker, took a biscuit, and then, finally, pushed her hand down onto the main lever. The TARDIS engines groaned, and Yaz grinned— there was a way in which this was her favorite part, before they landed, when they could end up anywhere, having any kind of adventure.

The Doctor flipped a few more switches, the engines ran their course, and then they had landed. Yaz ran to the doors. She could hear music in the distance, and the soft babble of a crowd. Ryan and Graham came up behind her, and then finally, the Doctor, and Yaz opened the door.

She stepped out into what must have been a hollowed-out rock. Above her was a stone dome, a chandelier hanging from the center, and beneath her feet was a rich red carpet a few shades brighter than her dress. There was a hall in front of her, and through that she could see a larger room with people walking back and forth.

The Doctor led the group into the next room— a bouncer asked for their invitation, and the Doctor showed it, explaining, “I’ve got a plus three, if that’s okay.”

The bouncer didn’t argue, and so the four of them moved into the party.

It was the same sort of room as before, with a domed stone ceiling and chandeliers hanging every few meters. The atmosphere seemed very refined, in Yaz’s eyes— certainly a level of wealth and taste she rarely saw, as a police officer from a working-class family. There was a table with food on one side of the room, a dance floor and an unfamiliar sort of quartet on the other, and tables interspersed between, at which people, aliens, and possibly some robots were sitting with their backs straight (when they had backs) and nibbling on petit-fours (or whatever passed for petit-fours in space). Waiters (Yaz assumed they were waiters) passed through the crowd, offering platters of strangely colored snacks.

Ryan immediately made a beeline to the food, while Graham said, “I’ll get us a table,” and went off to sit down, leaving Yaz and the Doctor alone at the entrance. “I should find Merry,” the Doctor said. “I’ll introduce you. She’s lovely. Or, she was when she was eight. Don’t know how she’s aged.”

“How do we know which one’s her?” Yaz asked.

“More like how will she know which one’s me,” the Doctor said. “She met me back in my bowties-and-floppy-hair phase.”

“You’re wearing a bowtie,” Yaz pointed out.

“Oh!” the Doctor exclaimed. “I forgot! It’s one of my old ones, you know.”

Yaz smiled.

“Let’s find Merry,” she said.

She and the Doctor made their way around the room, engaging in polite but vapid small talk with anyone who approached, looking for Merry Galel. They finally found her, a willowy blonde with a serious expression and strange ridges on her cheeks, surrounded by girls her age, which made the Doctor smile.

“Don’t think she had that many friends before,” she whispered to Yaz.

Merry saw the Doctor and instantly got the confused expression of someone who had just seen the Doctor, but not the Doctor they knew. Yaz saw it disturbingly often.

“Do I know you?” she asked.

“I’m the Doctor,” the Doctor said. “Remember? When you were singing?”

Merry’s brow furrowed even further.

“The Doctor was a man.”

“I was,” the Doctor agreed. “Now I’m a woman.”

“Where’s Clara?” Merry asked. “If you’re really the Doctor, where’s Clara?”

The Doctor reacted as if she had been hit. Her mouth opened, and then shut.

“Clara’s— gone,” she said. Yaz had never heard Clara’s name, but the Doctor’s grief echoed as she said it now. “Heart stopped.”

“Oh,” Merry said. She paused, her features settling into compassion. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” the Doctor said. She bowed her head. Merry’s eyes darted to Yaz.

“Who’s this, then?” she asked.

The Doctor’s head snapped up.

“This is Yaz!” she said. “She’s brilliant. And I brought my friends Graham and Ryan, too, but they’re off eating or something boring and human like that.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Yaz said.

“And you,” Merry replied. She looked Yaz up and down. “Where are you from?”

“Far away,” Yaz said. She had learned ages ago to be evasive, after telling someone she was from Earth and having them tell her Earth had been destroyed two thousand years before.

“They dress strangely there,” Merry said, but she had a small smile on her face. She herself was wearing red robes that fell straight to the floor from her shoulders, her long hair loose.

“They don’t all dress this way these days,” Yaz said. “I just thought I’d have some fun.”

“Fun,” Merry echoed. “I quite like fun.” She looked back to the Doctor. “You know, Doctor, since you left, I got to have some childhood. I have you to thank for that.”

The Doctor twisted her hands together.

“Wasn’t just me,” she said. “It was time.”

“Still,” Merry said. “You and Clara.”

“Me and Clara,” the Doctor repeated.

“You must miss her,” Merry added.

“Every day,” the Doctor said. “But that’s enough sadness, isn’t it? Enjoy your party, Merry. And happy birthday!”

“Happy birthday,” Yaz added.

Merry thanked them both, and they drifted away.

“Want to get food?” the Doctor asked.

“Sure,” Yaz said. She trailed the Doctor to the food. Finally, as she was getting a plate, she blurted, “Who’s Clara?”

The Doctor had been in the middle of taking a pastry, but now her hand froze.

"Sorry I've never mentioned her," she said. “I try not to talk about the past.”

“It’s okay,” Yaz said. “Whoever she was, she clearly meant a lot to you.”

“She did,” the Doctor said. “I managed to save her, sort of. She’s still out there, as far as I know.”

“But not with you?”

“Not with me,” the Doctor agreed. She dropped the pastry on her plate.

Yaz took something she thought might be a sort of meat.

“Don’t like to talk about it,” the Doctor said. “I’ve lost loads of people. Trying to move on.”

“But Doctor,” Yaz said. “Moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget. Doesn’t mean you have to not talk about them.” She paused. “If she mattered to you, she must have been brilliant.”

“She was,” the Doctor agreed. Her plate was full, and she stepped back. A moment later, Yaz joined her. “I don’t want to talk about this now,” the Doctor said. “This is supposed to be a party. It’s fun.”

“Later, though?” Yaz asked.

“Later,” the Doctor agreed, and she and Yaz walked together to join Ryan and Graham, who had a whole eight-person table to themselves. Graham had taken out one of his own cheese-and-pickle sandwiches; Ryan was mocking him in between bites of food from the party. Yaz sat down and slid effortlessly into the mockery.

“Still can’t believe you think that’s good,” she said, popping a pastry into her mouth. There was meat inside— the texture was like ground beef, but the flavors were nothing Yaz had tasted before.

“You can talk,” Graham retorted. “I didn’t eat that thing made from alien pig eyes.” The conversation devolved from there, and Yaz settled into her chair. She loved this sort of adventure, where she got to joke with her friends and eat strange new foods and drag serious conversations out of the Doctor. Then again, she loved every sort of adventure, so maybe that wasn’t saying much.

After a while, the music faded, the dance floor emptied, and Merry Galel herself joined the quartet onstage.

“Thanks for coming, everybody,” she said. “As the Queen of Years, I have promised to sing one song tonight.” She paused. “This is one of the first ones I learned. It’s the story of what was here before us. You are welcome to dance.”

The quartet began a slow, sweet melody. Yaz closed her eyes, listening— it was a beautiful melody, stringing itself along, light and lovely. Merry’s voice joined the song, round and smooth, and Yaz’s eyes slid open again as she swayed in her seat.

The Doctor was looking at her.

The Doctor was looking at her with soft eyes, and Yaz suddenly remembered that she had said they were girlfriends, a week ago.

“Dance with me?” she asked, already standing up.

“Of course,” the Doctor said.

The dance floor had filled again with couples, all moving through the steps of a dance Yaz didn’t know. For a split second, she was worried she had made a mistake, but then the Doctor walking behind her said, “Wish I knew how to do that,” and Yaz laughed in relief.

“Me, too,” she said. She was at the dance floor, so she turned and opened her arms. The Doctor took the invitation, resting one hand on Yaz’s shoulder and the other on her waist with a delicate, feathery touch, and Yaz did the same. They held each other’s eyes, and Yaz felt that strong connection between them, the one that only came when something sad had happened or when something wonderfully, wonderfully happy was about to happen.

The Doctor was beautiful, she thought. Or handsome, or whatever a genderfluid alien in a suit was. She had taken her hat off at the table, and she had done her hair in a French braid that twisted into a bun in back, which was now on Yaz’s list of top ten best hairstyles. Her ear cuff glittered, even in the low light, and now Yaz was close, she could see that the Doctor was definitely wearing glitter mascara, which was reflected in the shine of her eyes. Yaz was breathless, really, just at the way the Doctor carried herself, the way she looked at Yaz, the way two points of contact felt like a full-body hug.

“Yasmin Khan,” the Doctor said, her voice soft. “You’re gorgeous.” And Yaz realized that while she had been staring, the Doctor had been staring back. A warm feeling spread through her chest, and a smile spread across her face.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked.

The Doctor nodded.

“So are you.”

“Brilliant,” the Doctor breathed.

Yaz hesitated. Maybe now wasn’t the time, revolving on a dance floor, staring into each other’s eyes while everyone around them executed an alien ballroom dance, but— “We should talk about what being girlfriends means,” she said.

“What do you mean?” the Doctor asked.

“Since you’re not human,” Yaz said. “And since we haven’t really mentioned it yet, and communication is essential to a healthy relationship.”

“Well,” the Doctor said, “I’m pretty sure it means we care about each other, and spend time together, and maybe kiss sometimes, and dance at parties together, and things like that.”

“Okay,” Yaz said. She took a deep breath. “Okay, good.”

“I have been married, you know,” the Doctor said.

Yaz almost tripped over her skirt.

“You’ve what?”

“Lots of times,” the Doctor said. “Not often successfully. But I do know how relationships work.”

“Sorry,” Yaz said. “Forgot how old you are for a second.”

“I forget, myself, sometimes,” the Doctor replied.

“It’s weird,” Yaz said. “You’re too old for me by far.”

“Your mum would not approve,” the Doctor agreed.

“But you’re not human,” Yaz said. “What does age even mean to you?”

The Doctor broke eye contact to look down at the floor between them.

“Means all my friends die first,” she said. She looked back at Yaz. “Like with Clara. We were so close, and then one day--" She broke off. "Anyway. Mostly means sadness, and more responsibility than you can imagine.”

“And our relationship won’t be like a normal human relationship,” Yaz said. “It means I might outgrow you, right? Since I get older so much faster.”

“It’s happened before,” the Doctor said.

Yaz paused.

“I think I’m okay with that,” she said. “If you’re okay with it. We’ll make the most of the time we have.”

“Yasmin Khan,” the Doctor said again. “Do you know you’re brilliant?”

“Think I might have heard it,” Yaz said, and she pulled the Doctor closer so she could rest her head on her shoulder. The song drew to a close not long after that, leaving Yaz with her eyes closed and her cheek pressed against the velvet of the Doctor’s suit. As everyone began to clap, Yaz pulled herself back. The Doctor was looking at her again with a look Yaz was beginning to recognize as hers, with soft eyes and a relaxed smile.

“I’m glad we did this,” the Doctor said. One of her hands was on Yaz’s back now, rubbing gentle circles.

“Me, too,” Yaz said, and she rested her head back on the Doctor’s shoulder as the quartet started up again.

They danced until Graham came up to them and complained that he was tired and wanted to go back to the TARDIS. The Doctor said her goodbyes to Merry, and then Yaz brought her through the corridors and into her bedroom. It felt a little strange to have the Doctor, who Yaz still saw as a little separate, a little larger-than-life, in her homey little room on the TARDIS, but when she was half-asleep in her favorite pajamas watching a movie curled up against the Doctor’s chest with the Doctor’s hands in her hair, it didn’t seem so strange anymore.

[dearestsouleater]

Entry #326 January 22, 2019 7:45 pm

Dearest SoulEater,

“Love does not change you, Loneliness does..“

That was my FB post this morning trying to reflect upon everything that transpired since December. Then this afternoon, after I have submitted my BIR Sworn Oath for Tax, I chanced upon Lara’s Coffee shop and decided to take my ultra late lunch there. I was eating this and maybe I might be feeling good now, so maybe it is high time to tell the story that has made me from an 2018 optimist to a 2019 pessimist.Yeah I know, Soul. It has been 6 long months since my last post, with lots and lots of things happened not being said. I have the memories in the form of videos at Youtube. It is there.

It all started December, where I was already forecasting the things I need to do for my transition to the same job but with better benefits. Like it always was, I had to endure the expectations and works of a teamleader, deciding on things and being responsible for them. I know for a fact that Ill be needing a lot of money to secure the new requirements set by the Civil Service for me to be accepted as a Casual Nurse under the Department of Health. I still have money, but the pressure was there, a very big cold and dark pressure. First is that we havent received our salary for November, and that it was December, meaning I had to prepare my gifts to my subordinates and of course, Lianne. With the budgeting I did, I can secure the costly requirements, but it will take toll to my plans with Lianne. I had to think long term and made sure that I secure that requirements for me to be financially secured until 2022. Me and Lianne were having some talks, and while she was planning, I was actually hesitant. Her plans involve expenses that are way beyond my capacity, she may have money for it, but I gotta consider where I stand after spending those. But in the end I agreed with what was initially planned and went on with my “Bahala na”.

Came December 21, it was our Christmas Party for the Department of Health. It was already stressful for me as being a Teamleader, I am responsible to a lot of things. And I am already in turmoil because of our ugly presentation since all municipalities are required to present a dance or whatever. Ours was not a presentation, more like an intermission number. That morning while I was having my preparations for that event, Lianne texted me and that conversation turned sour. She suddenly dropped the “As I thought” bomb on me. At the time I already saw what was coming. She was expecting that I have prepared plans for her on the coming holidays particularly Christmas. At the back of my mind I was thinking, didnt we had this conversation before, she already laid out the plans of what were bound to do, go to this fancy hotel and celebrate, after that go back to her apartment and be with each other, that was it. She was expecting more from me. Of all the times it would happen, why on that moment. We were still talking as I went to the venue of that Christmas Party masked as an Exit Conference. I was there the whole morning trying to juggle managing Lianne’s predicament with the problems I am facing on that event. Until she sent me a message that made me snap.. “Kahit hindi ka na bumalik”. I knew on that moment that that was it. That moment, I knew I cant keep going on. I understood that we cant make it work out anymore. I thought she was my partner for my battles, it turns out she was another battle that I had to win..and I felt so betrayed. I was just sitting there at my table, null and void with nothing but my fake smiles and just saying Im ok while people ask me why I was silent. I had to endure it for hours. And it felt like it was that day all over again, coz she gave back my money too. I dont even know what to feel and act them out. I just went home blank and staring after that successful Exit Conference.. Success for the event, disaster for me. I went home and acted like everything was ok and it was not. My parents even noticing it but I pretended that Im fine. They didnt know we already broke up on that day. I cancelled my reservation for the bus going to manila and had the money shifted to my mom’s reservation. Ate Cely asked me why, and I told them I was recalled for an emergency work on the 27th and 28th which was true. But I lied about the reason why Im not going to Manila anymore, it was because I had no more reason to go there. It was once again a long night..but it was never new to me. I have already faced the same event when she said she did not love me anymore, but only this time I had more resilience.

December 27, my parents had to leave for Manila because my father had to prepare going back to Saudi. I just didnt have the motivation to go anywhere, so I told them that I was recalled for work since it was an urgent matter and that it was a critical time for my appointment as a casual employee. And so they left me.. That time, a typhoon was coming in and that it was automatic for us nurses from DOH to activate Code White meaning we have to respond and report evacuees to central command. December 28 we already lost power supply and access to clean water, water was coming in too fast inside our house because they seep inside the cement, and I had to clean those areas the whole 24 hours. The next day, I stared at how black it was at my home..cold, dark and alone. I only had spare food to eat without the assurance that the faucet water was clean. That moment, I knew loneliness was killing me slowly. I have never been so alone at that point, that it made me think of a lot of things. But an unexpected event happened. My relatives who came from Naga cannot pass thru at the market going to their house as it was already in high flood, so they called me 11 pm that night to ask if they can stay at my house for the meantime. I was thinking that maybe it was You Soul that was giving me some light. So they came and stayed with me until the morning. They made me breakfast and then had to leave immediately to check the status of their own home. Maybe I got saved. Saved from feeling hopeless and alone. I went over to do my work to report any casualties of that calamity in our Municipality and had to live alone again.

December 31, current came back at around the afternoon and the relatives that I took in during the storm gave me Pizza from Shakeys because they knew I would be celebrating the New Year alone. There I was, only with myself and my prepared food before 12 am of January 1st 2019. I only had the pizza my relatives gave me, left over wine at the fridge and pancit canton while watching my friends from Twitch celebrate the New Year. I only had Se7en of HelixxVR with me during that time. I had no fireworks, I had no devices for making loud sounds, only me and my beating heart.

The whole of January was spent with me being all alone, doing everything by myself for myself, trying to survive and live. Our contracts are under abeyance due to some problems with the budget allocated with the Department of Health so what I have been doing in the past 3 weeks is just be at Twitch, stream, watch. It was during that time that I had a record high of 332 viewers, was able to pull off a 24 hr stream and got qualified for Twitch Partner. I slept 5 am almost everyday and woke up around 1 pm, missing my breakfast and lunch. I had nothing to do but stream and play. My November salary came, but it was all for paying the remaining bills and my December Salary is still pending.

Being alone for a long time turned me into something else. Maybe it was karma, or consequences of bad choices, but who is there to blame? Not Lianne, not everyone, not even You, Soul..only me. I decided not to talk to anyone about it. I just felt not doing it. I wanted this darkness for myself so I told no one about what I had gone through. I dont hate Lianne for what happened to us. I just came to realize that we have different end games. She wanted a grandeur life while I wanted a peaceful and simple one. She loved to travel while I only want to travel to just one place and that is Japan. We were different and it only needed sometime for me to accept that we are not compatible and that we are only bound to more stress and fights if we continued. I never talked about what happened to us at Social Media because it wont make me feel any better. I did not block her from my social medias as well because there is no sense doing it. I still see her posts, and maybe it was my way of self punishment.

2018 was a treasure chest of memories for me of her. It just so happened that December of that year became the Pandora’s box. She is currently happy now and I do pray to You Soul that you give her healing, and that she can move on peacefully, find someone that she deserves, not a loser like me who has nothing to offer as of the moment.  I still consider her a friend and acquaintance because Im not holding anything against her and I completely understand if she does not feel the same way I do.

I ate the last bits of my juicy saucy burger and finished it with my fries. I left with a face hoping that someday, I may never wish to ask from You that I rest..for good.

Thank You Soul, for everything..the blessings and lessons. You can still try and guide me while I try to live this tiring life. Give me something to motivate me to go on, yeah?

Love lots,

Jim..

P.S.

Funny that Jin didnt come out this time. Maybe he was confident Im getting through with this. I hope his confidence was right.

[maxinajar]

Red Daisies in the Paint Box - Chapter 3

Warnings: self-deprecation, alcohol mention

Description: You are a painter from a small painting company. One of your clients has been murdered and you have been brought onto the case as an informant.

You approach the front door and reach to knock. Before you can do so, however, the door swings open and a small old lady stands there, smiling warmly.

“Oh, you really did arrive here shortly. Aren’t you just darling.” She says with a merry tone. You give Jonathan a look as she sidles back into her house. He shrugs and the two of you enter. The interior of the house is much like its exterior. The walls are falling apart and you can see the faint traces of what must have been a fairly fancy wallpaper. The furniture is dusty and smells of mildew. The carpet is coarse and stained with years of food. There are many artifacts of this woman’s life adorning the various shelves and bookcases littered around the room. A small box T.V. stands in front of the old couch, on the floor.

The entire room gives you a nostalgic feeling. You remember your grandmother’s home was very much like this one. You are suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of homesickness, even though it wasn’t really your home.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jonathan snaps you back to reality with his concerned tone. You tell him you're fine, just a bit hungover. He gives you a look that's a bit disapproving and empathetic. You shrug and look towards the doorway that your client had exited through. She reappears and tells you to sit down while she gets a snack. You tell her it’s okay, but she insists on giving you food. You and Jonathan sit down on the dusty couch and it sinks down, touching the ground. Jonathan looks at you and releases a small laugh.

“Man, I’m getting flashbacks of my Mom’s cabin.” He reminisces. “Used to go there every summer. Me and my brother would just sit on the couch with the fan on watching my mom smoking on the front porch.” He laughs again and you return it this time. You then reminisce about how you used to spend a lot of time in your grandmother's living room, sewing and playing with old cards. He chuckles at that.

“Never thought you were the type with the patience to sew.” He admits with a chuckle. You say that you used to be quite good at it, but none of that knowledge has stuck around. Just then your client shows up with a tray full of cookies and a steaming teapot.

“I’m not the best at baking, but my grandchildren say that I make the best tea and cookies they’ve ever had.” She says with a grin. You and Jonathan laugh and take a cookie each. She turns around and pours you both a cup of tea. You ask for two sugars and some cream. Jonathan asks for the entire bowl of sugar and no cream. You give him a look and the two of you laugh.

After you finish with your snack, you ask your client if she would mind showing you what color she would like her walls re-painted. She shyly chuckles then says alright. You bring her out to your van and show her the colors you have with you, informing her that if she doesn’t like any of these you have more back at the office.

“Hmmm, I really like this blue one right here.” She says after some thought. You grab that blue, then head back to Jonathan.

“Oh, that blues really pretty. Great choice.” He says. “I think we need to pick up some more though. We only have that one can left.” You ask him if he would like to go pick it up from the store. He says that it’s okay if you do it, in fact, he’d like to stay here and get started. You say okay and hand off the paint can.

“Adios, I’ll see ya later.” He says with a smirk. You smile back then head to the car. You quickly identify the correct color on your reference cards and start the engine.

Once you arrive at the store, you see a strange congregation of people. They are standing in front of some sort of display. You decide to ignore it and focus on your work, besides it’s not like it’ll be important later on in the story.

…

On second thought, you will check it out. Never know when these plot twists will strike you in the face. The display is an advertisement for a new popsicle brand. Color Cop Pops. They are different colored popsicles with silly faces and cop accessories on them. This strikes you as incredibly stupid. You start to wonder why you even wasted your time looking at this display of stupidity. You go back to ignoring it and continue on your shopping trip.

You immediately race to the paint aisle upon entering the store to make up for lost time staring at idiotic children's marketing. Slowing down, you eye the many shades of colors lining the aisle, comparing each to the card you brought with you. After a while of searching, five whole minutes, you find the type of paint you were looking for. You place sixteen cans in your cart and head for the register.

Upon heading back to the van, you once again catch a glimpse of the Color Cop Pops. Wow, children really are stupid if they think that thing is even remotely appetizing. You ignore again, but this time with repressed hatred.

By the time you get back to the client, it's around noon. You walk into the open front door and see Jonathan, sitting on the couch with your client. They are pouring over what looks to be a photo book and Jonathan has a sandwich clasped in one hand.

“Hey buddy, you made good time. How was the shopping trip?” Jonathan asks, noticing you. You tell him it went fine and that you now have another sixteen cans of the color. He smiles and tells you good job. Then your client invites you to sit down and eat something. You comply and soon all three of you are laughing and talking over the photo book.

“Alright, I think it’s time we actually did our job,” Jonathan says when you point out the time. It is 2:45. You both head out to start painting. Jonathan shows you where he started. You both continue until the sun starts to set.

“Time to pack up,” Jonathan says to you sometime around 5:30. You pick up the brushes and the cans. Jonathan says goodbye to your client and assures her that you both will be back tomorrow to finish the job. You finish packing up and then you and Jonathan drive back to the office.

@that-one-narwhal @detroit-become-pan

[massholevegan-blog]

Vegan Pantry Starter Pack

When I first went vegan, I was seriously overwhelmed by all of the seemingly “weird” ingredients recipes called for. As a South Shore girl raised almost exclusively on fluffernutter sandwiches, Hamburger Helper, and Hood ice cream, I had no idea what the hell nutritional yeast was, or even that grocery stores even sold rice that didn’t come in a 99¢ Knorr’s packet.

And then once I finally had all of these fancy new ingredients and brought them to the cashier, my jaw dropped. Why was everything so expensive? Isn’t vegan food supposed to be cheaper?!

What I didn’t know is that I would never experience that kind of sticker shock again. See, once you jump over the hurdle of buying all of these “weird” plant-based pantry staples for the first time, it’ll be weeks, months, or even years until you have to buy them again. 

I’ve divided some of the most popular vegan pantry staples into three lists depending on how often I purchase them. As you can see, I only purchase the more expensive items once every 3-4 months, as most whole-foods vegan recipes only require small amounts of them. So keep those savings in mind when experiencing sticker-shock on your $8.99 bag of raw cashews -- yes, that may seem like a lot of money upfront, but that bag should last several months. Think about it -- you wouldn’t even think twice about buying a pack of chicken breasts (by the way, a decaying animal corpse is much, much “weirder” than a bag of nuts) for the same price, and those would only last a meal or two!

*NOTE: I didn’t add prices because those can vary from store to store. Also, if you want to buy organic, that will also raise prices. Do whatever’s best for your budget. Also, the estimates below are for a household with only two adults and no (human) children.

PURCHASE ONCE PER YEAR

All Vinegars: Red, White, Rice, Apple Cider, etc.

I buy vinegar in bulk and use only a few tablespoons per month.

Liquid Smoke

If you’re someone who loves smoky, BBQ flavors, you may have to buy this more often, but a few drops go a long way, so a small bottle will last awhile!

Molasses

I really only use molasses for baking or occasionally making a sweet teriyaki sauce, and even then, most recipes only call for a teaspoon or two.

Hot Sauce

Buy Frank’s Red Hot (or similar) in bulk for best results. Very shelf-stable!

Baking Soda

All brands are identical - buy the cheapest in bulk!

Baking Powder

Same goes for baking powder - all brand are identical so go hard in bulk.

Salt and Pepper

I use plain old iodized table salt and black peppercorns, so I buy the store brand in bulk, but if you’re into fancy salts (Celtic, pink, coarse, etc.), you may have to buy it more often and at a higher price.

Uncommon Spices: Nutmeg, Garam Masala, Lemon Pepper, Dill, Celery Seed, etc.

Everyone has spices they use far less often than the others, or in very small amounts. For these “rarely used” seasonings, you should only have to purchase them once a year if you play your cards right.

Dry Beans: Chickpeas, Black Beans, Navy Beans, Pinto Beans, etc.

A giant bulk bag will last you the entire year... unless you’re going hard with your Instant Pot. In that case, buy more often. But if you alternate between using dried and canned beans, you should be good.

PURCHASE ONCE EVERY 3-4 MONTHS

Nutritional Yeast

Level 10 Vegans all have a “nooch” jar that can hold about 2 lbs. of the cheesy goodness that is nutritional yeast. If you fill this jar up every 3 months or so, you should be set.

Tahini

Unless you’re making large quantities of tahini sauce or homemade hummus every week, a medium-sized jar of tahini should last you 3-4 months at the absolute minimum. Ocean State Job Lot always has the best price on this - typically $3.99.

Soy Sauce or Tamari

A medium/large bottle of low-sodium soy sauce or tamari (or liquid aminos for my Level 20 Expert Mode Vegans out there) should last you for quite some time.

Bulk Rice (Brown, Jasmine, Basmati, etc.)

Buy in bulk if you have room to store it. If you have access to an Asian supermarket (H-Mart, what’s up?!), you’ll find some pretty amazing rice deals there.

Bulk Wheat Pasta (Whole Grain)

Never pay more than $1.29 for a box of regular wheat pasta, and if possible, hold off until the store is giving them away for 89¢/box (Stop & Shop does this often) and go hard.

Flour (Whole Wheat)

I highly recommend buying a large bag of Bob’s Red Mill Whole Wheat Pastry Flour from Market Basket. It’ll last.

Sugar (Unrefined: Pure Cane, Coconut, etc.)

As Mary Poppins used to sing, “a spoonful of unrefined sugar makes your oatmeal taste way better.”

Canned Beans

I buy 6 cans at a time when on sale: Black, Cannellini, Chickpeas, etc. That way, you have a stockpile to pull from.

Raw Nuts: Almonds, Cashews, Walnuts

Honestly, buying raw nuts sucks because they’re never inexpensive - even when on sale. But they’re so worth it, and you won’t use them that often, so don’t stress too much.

Common Spices: Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Black Pepper, Cumin, Chili Powder, Sage, Rosemary, etc.

Just grab 2-3 $1 bottles of each at Ocean State Job Lot every 3-4 months.

Apple Sauce

I like to buy the prepackaged/sealed single-serve cups so that they don’t go bad; unsweetened, of course.

Fancy Grains and Healthy Nutritional Stuff

Farro, Israeli couscous, chickpea pasta, hemp hearts, chia seeds, soba noodles, flax seeds... all of that fun stuff you use rarely or in small amounts. Protip: Buy from Vitacost using eBates when they’re having a flash sale.

PURCHASE ONCE OR TWICE A MONTH

Tofu and Other “Proteins”

Never pay more than $2 per block. My local Asian grocery store, H-Mart, hooks me up with 99¢ blocks, so I buy five packages at a time, making my monthly tofu cost $5. Tempeh, seitan, and other fake meats are not really a part of my everyday diet, but if I see some on sale, I may grab 1-2 packages per month.

Frozen Vegetables: Peas, Stir Fry Medleys, Leeks, Greens, Broccoli, etc.

I never pay more than $1.59 for a bag of frozen vegetables, and I typically max out on 99¢ cent deals. Make sure to avoid frozen veggies that come in a “sauce” or are “pre-seasoned” - the only ingredient(s) listed should be the vegetable(s) itself - no salt, oil, or seasonings. Market Basket or Wegman’s are my go-to frozen veggie providers.

Frozen Fruit: Mango, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, etc.

This purchase becomes more frequent in the summer, as I crave cold smoothies more when it’s hot out. If you ever see a good deal that makes fresh fruit (or veggies) cheaper than their frozen counterparts, make sure to grab them and freeze them on your own!

Peanut Butter

Natural, no salt added - the only ingredient listed should be “Peanuts” or “Dry Roasted Peanuts.” Chunky or smooth - the choice is yours. Teddie’s or Trader Joe’s brand is always a safe bet.

Maple Syrup

100% pure - none of that high-fructose corn syrup garbage. Bonus points if it’s from Vermont to keep things local!

Dry Lentils: Red and Brown

ABBL: Always Be Buying Lentils. Just trust me. Cheapest, healthiest food on the planet. And so much iron!

Canned Tomatoes: Diced, Tomato Paste, Crushed, Sauce

When possible, buy the “No Salt Added” varieties. 

Condiments: Ketchup, BBQ Sauce, Mustard, or whatever you use most often.

PURCHASE WEEKLY

Plant-Based Milk: Almond, Coconut, Soy, etc.

As a family that eats oatmeal and/or smoothies almost every day, we buy approx. one gallon per week.

Oats

Whatever whole-grain oats suit your fancy: rolled/old fashioned, quick, steel-cut, etc. Just make sure the only ingredient is oats: no added salt, sugar, or other random chemicals. We buy our oats in bulk at Whole Foods.

Bananas

Buy in 3 stages of ripeness if possible: green (not even close to being ripe), yellow (the way omnivores like them), and just starting to spot (almost vegan-ready: make sure to wait until they’re very brown and spotty!).

Fresh Vegetables: Bell Peppers, Mushrooms, Carrots, Celery, Greens, and whatever else you use most often.

Look out for sales or hit up the discount produce rack to try new veggies!)

Fresh Fruit: Apples, Oranges, Lemons, and whatever else you use most often.

Potatoes

A five lb. bag of potatoes should last you longer than a week, but I always at least pick up a few sweet potatoes during my weekly shopping trip.

Onions

Pick up a bag of white/yellow onions and maybe a red onion or two.

Garlic

And while you’re in that section, grab a head or two of bulk garlic.

[falleyes]

Somewhere Else pt 6 - The Market, the Bar, and the Rooftop

Somewhere Else pt 6

Summary: All of the what ifs of Drake & Riley meeting somewhere else, in any other way.] 

Part 6 to Somewhere Else

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4,  Part 5

“If we’d met somewhere else…anywhere else. At a club in New York or in an airport, or at a party…If you hadn’t been our waitress that night, and I hadn’t been sitting next to Liam…Do you think all of this…do you think it could’ve been different…between us?

“What the hell is a cronut?”

Riley halted in her tracks, nearly slipping on the curb she walked along to look at him incredulously. “Excuse me? You don’t know what a cronut is?”

“No. Should I?” Drake looked at her indifferently from where he walked on the other side of the sidewalk. Ever since the theater – the intermission, really – he’d been more distant, emotionally and physically. He would hardly look her in the eye and only spoke to answer any questions Riley had about places he’d traveled with as few words as possible. Drake wouldn’t even walk near her anymore, leaving a few feet between them or trailing behind. Riley hated to think that it was all because of what happened during the play’s intermission.

He’d almost kissed her.

Almost.

“Um, yes.” Riley said, snuffing out those thoughts and her extreme awareness of the (unnecessary) space between them. “They’re only the best creation known to man.”

“Cronut,” Drake repeated, one hand in his pocket as he tugged at his tie. “You sure you don’t mean donut?”

“Oh, they’re so much better than donuts,” she sighed out. The very thought of the delicious pastry had her craving one. “It’s got the inside of a croissant but the outside is like that of a glazed donut. I can’t believe you’ve never had one!”

“Well, believe it.”

“You know what this means, right?”

“I hope not…”

“You have to try one!” Riley exclaimed, hopping away from the curb to sidle up to him. “Tonight. While you’re still in New York. You won’t find them any better than here in The Big Apple!”

Drake looked sideways at her. “These cronuts… they’re simple right? Nothing fancy?”

“Simple, I promise,” she nodded. “But the taste is otherworldly. In a good way.”

“I’m a simple man, Cole.”

She grinned. “I don’t think anyone would argue with that.”

He shook his head, but Riley could make out the small smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah, have your laugh. Let’s see how good these cronuts really are.”

“Yes!” Riley whooped, skipping gleefully. “The bakeries are probably all closed by now, but I think I know just the place…”

Without hesitation, she grabbed Drake’s hand and immediately veered left, down a small side street.

“Hey!” he protested, stumbling slightly to keep up with Riley’s newfound speed.

“Come on, slowpoke!” she chuckled, tightening her hold on his hand. “You better not slow me down, we have cronuts to eat.”

Not having much else of a choice, Drake gave in and let her lead him around yet another corner. They weaved their way around city blocks and down questionable alleyways, Riley hardly taking a second to glance at street signs before going on her way.

“You got GPS system in there or something, Cole?” Drake questioned, only half joking. He’d already lost track of how many twists and turns they made; he had no idea how Riley knew where she was going without directions. Everything looked the same to him.

“I’m your guide tonight, remember?” she said over her shoulder. “It’s my job to know where to go.”

They went on like this for a short while. Riley chirping over her shoulder to promise they were almost there. Riley darting out across the street and calling out a hasty apology to the cab who slammed on the brakes for them. Riley holding his hand. Riley , Riley ,  Riley .

It was like he couldn’t help it. No matter how hard Drake tried to keep his eyes wandering around - see the neon signs, the ivy spreading over red brick, the tour buses driving by – they always strayed back to her. Her dark hair had slipped off of her shoulder and now fell freely down her exposed back, brushing against her white dress, which looked almost pearlescent as it flowed around her legs like moonlight rippling across water. The very sight of her striding before him, glancing over her shoulder with a smile dancing in her eyes and laughter playing across her lips, almost had him convinced that he was dreaming. Dreaming that he wasn’t actually running through this big city, there weren’t beautiful women named Riley with long dark hair and expressive eyes, and he wasn’t actually happy for the first time in almost a year.

And yet, Drake wasn’t dreaming. He was in the city, Riley was real - so, so real - and he was happier than he’d been since Savannah had left.

He must have been out of his damn mind.

He’d almost kissed her. Definitely out of his mind.

But in that moment, back in the theater, he felt so warm and so comfortable,  she was so full of life and teeming with energy in his arms – she always seemed to be doing that – and he was so drawn into her light, who was he to try and resist that? Then logic had gotten the best of him and he somehow managed to do just that. Step away.

After the intermission had ended, he tried to draw back, put those walls back up and keep Riley on the other side. He didn’t glance her way again during the show and he kept a few feet between them when they walked, doing his best to ignore the look she gave him when she noticed.

Then, she talked about cronuts and he was fascinated by the way she spoke, through and through. He couldn’t even put up much of a fight when she took his hand and led him away. Even now, he was still so hazed, he didn’t even realize they had arrived at the destination until the sound of waves lapping against the waterfront was clear in his ears and Riley ’s hand tightly squeezed his before letting go.

“Welcome to The Market. Generic, I know. But also a little pretentious, don’t you think? It’s so good, it doesn’t have any other name. It’s just The Market. Which market? The Market,” she said, walking forward to go down the nearest aisle. “Well…what’s left of it, anyway.”

Drake looked around. It looked like any ordinary market, with ripe produce on display and all sorts of dipping sauces to try, but there were also things he’d never seen before: donuts made out of spaghetti, pizza with macaroni and cheese, massive sandwiches thicker than his forearm… There was so much to see, just in this aisle alone, Drake thought his head might explode with all of this new information to process. Luckily, Riley didn’t give him the chance to stare until he had a puddle of drool at his feet, for The Market was winding down around them. Vendors were packing away their goods and taking down tents. Some greeted Riley as she walked by, some had knowing smiles at Drake’s dumbfounded expression.

“There’s so much food,” he said, swallowing as they walked by a place that sold Sloppy Joes. “Some weird food… but good food.”

Riley laughed. “It’s like all of the worst kinds of junk food, with a twist. Honestly, I don’t come down here too much anymore because if I did, I’d never stop eating.”

“Yeah, well, when day in and day out, all you get is fancy finger food,” Drake shrugged helplessly, his stomach growling. “All of this junk food looks like heaven on Earth.”

“Well it looks like I hit the jackpot with this one. You look like you’re about to faint,” she teased, glancing back at him and rolling her eyes playfully. “Come on, hurry up. If we don’t get cronuts, there’ll be hell to pay. I’ll get us something to eat after we snag some of those.”

Despite himself, Drake let out a hearty laugh and tore his gaze away from the oddities of the mark. “Dessert before dinner?” he raised an eyebrow, placing his hand over his heart. “Cole, you really know how to charm a guy.”

“Don’t act so surprised, Drake,” she grinned. “I do this with all of the gruff tourists I meet at the airport who also happen to be best friends with the crown prince of a country far, far away.”

“When you put it like that, it almost sounds hard to believe,” he chuckled, sarcasm coloring his voice.

“That’s because it definitely is. This whole thing? It’s crazy, like something straight out of a storybook,” Riley admitted, drawing a piece of hair between her fingers to twirl. “If I’m honest, it feels more like once upon a time.”

Her words sobered him and he looked down at her for a long moment before shaking his head. When he looked ahead again, feet mindlessly carrying him wherever she led, his lips were no longer smiling.

“Spare me, Cole. Fairy tales are for kids.”

“Oh, I think I’ve found heaven.”

Riley had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing and risking spitting out her own food as she watched Drake, positively overwhelmed with bliss, eat his first cronut. They sat at a small circular table a few feet away from the tent they bought the cronuts from, and on the table between them sat a dozen of the pastries. Riley , unable to curb her own sweet tooth, had caved and purchased the last of the cronuts the vendors had for the day.

“This is pure gold,” she giggled, swallowing her bite while Drake closed his eyes and savored the sugary taste. “I can’t believe I’m actually watching this. Drake, you look so happy it’s adorable. I have to take a picture.”

“Shut up, I hate you,” Drake muttered through another mouthful of the cronut as Riley pulled out her phone to snap a picture. “Leave me alone. I like a good dessert. Who doesn’t?”

“Good point, good point,” Riley chuckled, stuffing the last bite of her first cronut into her mouth before shamelessly grabbing another.

After her second cronut, Riley stood up, wiping sugar from the corner of her mouth and dusting her hands off with a napkin. “Drake, do you think you can handle being alone for a few moments?”

He looked up at her, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Why? Where are you going?”

“It’s a surprise,” she said cryptically, holding onto her wrist behind her back as she rocked from her heel to toes, heel to toes. “You’ll see when I get back. Sort of. Can I leave you here alone or should I get the nice cronut lady to keep an eye on you?”

Drake scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Trust me, Cole, I’m not going anywhere. If one of us need a babysitter, it’s definitely you.”

“Oh, no, it’s not you running off that I’m worried about,” Riley shook her head and pointed at the cronuts. “It’s those. You better not eat them all, because if you do – “

“You’ll do what?” Drake teased, dark eyes glittering. “Threaten me with fancy clothes or leave me alone in the middle of New York? Because I think we’ve done that already.”

Riley rolled her eyes and let out a flat laugh. “Oh, you think you’re so clever, don’t you? Real funny. Do not eat all of the cronuts.”

Drake glanced at the pastries and then back at her. “Fine.”

“I mean it.”

“I know you do.”

“Because if you do…” Riley pointed a menacing finger at him.

“I’ll regret it,” Drake rolled his eyes, holding up his hands. “I get it, I get it.”

“Drake…”

“I won’t eat them!”

Riley stared him down for a few moments until finally, she straightened up and gave a satisfied nod. “Good. Save your appetite.”

And with that, she turned away and disappeared down another aisle.

After Riley was gone, Drake let out a deep sigh and sat back in his chair. “Sheesh, lady.”

He looked down at the pastries. There were still more than half a dozen; it’d be more than okay to take another one, right? Drake raised his hand to take a fourth, but then remembering how fiercely Riley defended the cronuts, he decided he’d better hold off.

He wiped his hands off and ran them through his hair, eyes resting on the spot where he last saw her. He shook his head and smiled despite himself. Some woman.

When Riley returned with a blanket draped over her shoulder and a picnic blanket in her hand, Drake had an idea of what she had in mind.

“A picnic?” he questioned, brows raised. “Isn’t it a little late for that?”

“I see you didn’t eat all of the cronuts,” Riley observed, ignoring his question. “I’m proud.”

“I’m glad,” Drake rolled his eyes as he stood up and carried the plastic container the desserts were kept in. “So where are we going?”

“To have a picnic,” she answered simply, smiling as he let out an exasperated smile. She started walking, leading the way out of the market.

“You’re not going to tell me about this little destination either, are you?”

“Nope!”

“Would it be too much to ask what you’ve got in that basket of yours?” he asked, already certain he knew the answer.

“Oh, yeah,” Riley nodded, shifting the basket to her other hand as if she was expecting him to try to peek inside. “You’ll have to wait and see. I’m not telling you.”

Drake sighed again and shook his head. “I expect nothing less of you, Cole.”

She grinned. “You know me well.”

Thankfully, their next stop wasn’t nearly as far as The Market had been from the theater. It was hardly even two blocks away and Drake was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a bar. But the downside…

“Cole, it’s closed,” Drake observed. The lights were off and there wasn’t a soul to be seen inside. He wondered how late it really was, but then again, it was also the middle of the week.

“I’m well aware of that, Captain Obvious,” Riley drawled sarcastically as she went up to the front door. “So it’s a good thing I have a key.”

He watched, surprised, as she pulled out a keychain from her pocket and picked one of the three she had on her ring to fit into the lock. It opened.

“Why do you just have the key to a bar?”

“Because,” Rylie grinned and faced him as she pushed the door open with her back. “I work here.”

“You work in a bar?” Drake knew his eyebrows were halfway up his forehead. This woman.

“I’m usually just serving food,” she shrugged, holding the door open for him. “Does that surprise you?”

Tucking his hands into his pockets, he followed her inside. “In the best way possible.”

The bar was small and cozy, with dark wood everywhere and golden lighting that gave the bar an almost rustic feel. The wall across from him was decorated with old pictures of people in the bar that he assumed must have been celebrities considering they were all signed. There was also a dartboard, darts wedged into the wood, and fliers for all sorts of things filled every open space on a corkboard in the corner. It was simple and full of character. He liked it.

“This is a nice place,” he told her, leaning with his elbow on the countertop as Riley walked around and looked at the shelves of liquor behind the bar.

“Isn’t it?” Riley smiled faintly. “You should see it in the winter. The bartender, Frank, he decks the place out in holiday decorations and there are tons of candy canes to go around. The heater’s almost always on, so no matter how cold it gets outside, it’s nice and toasty in here.”

Drake hummed in response as he looked around, trying to picture the holidays here. He wondered if he’d ever come back to witness a winter in New York City.

“Anyways…” she said, glancing over her shoulder as she grabbed two glasses. “What are you drinking?”

Drake grinned, seating himself on one of the stools. “Whiskey.”

Riley nodded and pulled a bottle off the shelf. “A whiskey guy, huh? Yeah, I see it.”

“I’d take a glass of whiskey over anything on that shelf any day,” he admitted, watching as she poured the amber liquid into one glass and slid it over to him before pouring a glass for herself. “You drink whiskey?”

Riley raised an eyebrow, putting one hand against the counter to lean against it. “Don’t act so surprised. Besides, I wouldn’t let you drink alone.”

“No, it’s not that,” Drake said quickly, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips as he thought back to their short time together on the bus. He’d felt bad about the way he treated her and had made a mental note to himself to make it up with her, maybe with a drink. Maybe with whiskey. “It’s just I had a feeling.”

“Ah, I knew you had some of those in there,” she smirked, tilting the glass against her lips and drinking.

“You know what I meant.”

“Of course, because I know you oh so well.”

Drake chuckled but didn’t respond, his eyes wandering around the room.

“Been one night, Cole,” Drake shook his head and downed his glass. “You already know me better than most.”

“Well, I’m honored.” Riley followed his lead and finished hers off as well. “Now,” she said, scrunching her nose slightly at the slow but deep burn in her stomach. Riley nudged her glass and the bottle of whiskey over to Drake before picking up the blanket and picnic basket again. “You take these and follow me.”

“We’re going somewhere already?” he questioned but did as she told. She led him down a short hallway to a wooden door that she unlocked with a key.

“Not far,” she said, shouldering it open. “Just up.”

Drake followed her up a few flights of stairs, past all of the residential floors, until they finally reached the rooftop. Immediately, a soothing breeze swirled around them as they exited the stairwell and stepped outside into the open air.

Drake blinked and looked around.

“Oh, wow…”

The building was much taller than Drake had originally thought when Riley brought him to the bar. Now, standing at the top of it - seeing over other buildings - he couldn’t believe there were skyscrapers that still towered over them. He wandered over to the edge, still staying on the other side of the short wall that rimmed the edge as he gazed out at the city lights.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” Riley smiled gently, setting down their picnic basket and spreading out the blanket. She opened a small metal panel near the door they came through and flipped a switch. Several lights flickered to life above the stairwell, illuminating the rooftop in a faint golden glow.

“It’s…” Drake trailed off and shrugged, glancing over at her as she came to stand next to him.

“Yeah?” Riley prompted, her eyes meeting his.

“It’s…” His voice was soft and his mind had suddenly lost track of what he was about to say. He looked at Riley for a few seconds – a few seconds too long, in his book – before snapping back to attention. Drake quickly averted his gaze back to the skyline. “Incredible, yeah. It’s not…what it looks like down there.”

Riley studied his profile for a moment, pursing her lips. Why did he have to do that? Draw back into himself before she had the chance to try? She hated it, but she knew better than to overstep. Nodding, she faced the city blocks that stretched out before them. “I know what you mean. Down there, it’s crazy. It feels so compact but also endless. Like a maze. It’s overwhelming.”

“And up here, it’s an entirely different perspective. Like you step back from a – from a microscope or something,” Drake said, surprising her with his insightfulness. “It doesn’t seem so…I don’t know. Scary,” he muttered that last bit, feeling a bit childish. He was grown up, he felt like he shouldn’t be connecting cities to the word “scary” anymore. “That sounds stupid.”

But Riley didn’t seem to think so. She was looking at him again, eyes wide as she shook her head. “No, that’s…that’s exactly it. That’s part of the reason I like coming up here all the time. Whenever I feel like I’m in over my head or something, I come up here to step back and remember that it’s not as bad as it feels.”

Drake chuckled slightly. “You? Scared of this place? I can’t imagine it, Cole. You’ve got the city mapped out and memorized and everything just seems to bend to your will. If anyone can make it in a place like this, it’s you.”

“Drake…” Riley breathed out, touched by his sudden sentiment.

“I mean it Cole,” he said, glancing sideways at her before turning around to sit on the blanket. He reached for the picnic basket and added, seemingly as an afterthought, “I swear. Sometimes, you remind me of her…”

Riley followed him, her fingers tangling in her hair as she sat and crossed her legs. “You mean Savannah.”

Drake paused, going rigid as if he only just realized he’d let that last bit slip out. After a moment, he nodded stiffly. “Yeah.”

Riley frowned slightly and the crease that had formed between his brows at the mention of his sister’s name and the tenseness in his jaw. She reached out to touch his hand but fell short as he turned his head down and opened the basket.

“So, what do we have here?” he asked, starting to pull out wrapped up bits of food. “I’m starving.”

“Well, let me see,” Riley said, getting on her knees to lean over the basket. “I know you’re a simple guy, so I tried not to do anything too crazy. I hope you like barbeque.”

“Now you’re talking!” With obvious eagerness, Drake grabbed something covered in foil from the basket and unwrapped it to reveal a slightly squished but perfectly fine Sloppy Joe.

“You’re a fan?” she giggled as he took a bite, barbeque sauce covering his chin.

“Oh, you’re killing me, Cole.”

“I never want to eat palace food again,” Drake sighed out, letting his hand rest on his stomach as he stretched out on the blanket to look up at the sky. “I’m doomed to a life of fancy finger food.”

“Free fancy finger food,” Riley reminded him, packing away their food into the basket.

“Free doesn’t mean good, Cole,” he countered and she rolled her eyes.

“Only you would complain about free food,” she scoffed and he let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, call me a spoiled princess, won’t you?” he grumbled, glancing over at her. “You see this Cole?”

Riley glanced upward. It was just the sky, a few sparse clouds and a plane every now and then. “See what?”

Drake grabbed her wrist and, without warning, pulled her down to lay next to him. As she fell beside him, he got a clear whiff of her sweet but subtle scent and her hair tumbled across his arm in waves. He could feel her eyes on him, questioning. He pointed skyward.

“Do you see it now?”

“I don’t see anything.” Riley sounded slightly confused.

“Exactly.” Drake nodded, flattening his hand against the sky as he swept it along. “There’s nothing. No stars, nothing.”

“It’s because of the city lights.”

“I know that, but don’t you miss them?”

“Miss what?” Riley questioned, glancing over with an eyebrow raised. “The stars?”

“Yeah.” His voice was the softest she’d ever heard it.

Riley pursed her lips and thought for a moment. She propped herself up on her elbows, glancing over the edge of the rooftop at the Manhattan skyline. “I never really thought much about it, to be honest… I always had the city lights to distract me.”

“Oh,” he said simply.

Riley rolled over to face him, a smirk playing on her lips. “Oh my… Drake, do you have a soft spot for stargazing? I never would have imagined.”

His soft demeanor quickly vanished and Drake rolled his eyes. With a scowl, he reached over and gently shoved Riley’s shoulder, sending her on her back once again. “There’s no satisfying you, is there, Cole? Every time you learn something, you’re shocked. You’d think that after learning so much in one night, you’d stop being so surprised every time you find something out from a stranger.”

Riley opened her mouth to snap at him, but stopped short. “You’re right.”

“And to think, with how much you surprise me – wait, what did you say?” Drake sat up and looked down at her with furrowed brows.

“I said you’re right,” Riley shrugged, lacing her fingers together over her stomach. “You aren’t so bad, I know you aren’t. I shouldn’t be so surprised when I find something out that isn’t all rough. I just… stargazing. I wouldn’t have guessed they’d mean anything to you. The stars.”

“Well,” Drake said after a moment, drawing up his knees to lay his arms across them. “If I’m honest, I wouldn’t have guessed either. It’s just something with Savannah. We used to go out every year for this meteor shower. I guess I got into the habit of just going out at night to look at them when I needed to think. The stars, I mean. And after she left… It’s a little easier to forget she’s gone when I’m looking at them.” He reached for the bottle of whiskey, refilling his glass from earlier. “And drinking a little doesn’t hurt, either.”

“Drake…” Riley said softly, sympathetically. “I’m sure there’s not a second that goes by where she doesn’t think of you. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that every time she looks up at night, she misses you.”

Drake looked down at his glass and swirled the amber liquid around, bereft. He didn’t respond.

She felt her chest tighten at his fallen countenance. Unable to sit back and stare at an empty sky any longer, Riley sat up beside him, covering her hands with his. “Drake, maybe that’s why you were wrong to come here.”

He hardly glanced at her as he took a long drink from his glass. “What do you mean?”

“The stars,” she said, gently pulling at his hands. Riley got to her knees, tugging him with her as she stood up. She stood before him and gently squeezed his hands until he lifted his eyes to meet hers. “New York City doesn’t have them, not in the sky at least. She wouldn’t go somewhere that she couldn’t see the stars. I don’t know Savannah, Drake. But I know you, and I know she wouldn’t be able to give you up like that.”

“Riley, you don’t understand…” Drake shook his head, turning his head.

“Then help me.” Riley reached out, pressing her hand to his cheek to turn his face towards her. Her voice was unusually demanding.

Drake’s lips parted slightly in surprise as he looked down at her. A sudden warmth bloomed from deep within his stomach and rushed through his veins. It wasn’t the first time he’d had this feeling tonight, but he was far from used to it. Even so, he reached up to cover Riley’s hand with his own.

“Riley…” Something shifted, a new emotion coloring his eyes that Riley had yet to put a name to. It wasn’t quite sad - longing, almost.

“Don’t,” she said, shaking her head as she slipped her hand from his cheek. “Don’t say anything, don’t say you can’t. Just…” Riley stepped away but left her other hand in his. “Come with me.”

“Where?” Drake questioned, bending to pick up the picnic basket.

Riley looked up at him through her lashes as she gathered the blanket under her arm. “You’ll see.”

“You always say that.”

“And the best surprises are left unspoiled,” she said simply, leading Drake back down the stairs.

He chuckled and the sound almost had Riley grinning from ear to ear. She hated the way he looked and sounded when he was sad; she’d take a scowling Drake over an unhappy one any day. He wasn’t exactly smiling, but he had let out a slight laugh. And that was more than good enough.

“You couldn’t find Savannah here, and I’m sorry for that.” Glancing over her shoulder, Riley gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “But, Drake, I promise you. I’ll give you the stars.”

(tagging @thedrakeside )

ALSO THE BOOK ONE FINALE UM???  madeleine was so obvious but I still hate her so much???

[wanderbitesbybobbie]

REAL TALK: How I Lost 8 pounds in 3 Weeks

  Once upon a time, I was a swooping 114 lbs. on the scale. I was close to 100 lbs., the ideal weight for my height. It took me 3 months of gym workouts and strict diet to get to 114. But then on June 2019, I had to fly back to Sydney for school works and in no time I was back on my MAD diet (meat all day). I mean… who can resist Australian Beef Steak with Peppercorn Sauce? I had zero self-control. I was snacking on ice cream in winter. I created a strong relationship with burgers and big fat potato chips. I was stocking on rare TimTam flavors which I could only find in Aussie. Coles, Woolies, and Aldi were my favorite hang-out places. If I felt a little broke, I would turn to $5 Domino’s Pizza and devour the entire thing. Also, my love for noodles didn’t help. Sydney Chinatown was my noodle-go-to place. Dry noodles, ramen, stir-fried, Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai… name it! I knew where to get them. Surprise, surprise! I was 121 lbs. when I left Sydney.

I was back in the gym, trying hard to lose the weight I gained. I ran 15 mins. full speed on the treadmill and continuously did circuit training. I did Pound exercises and Muay Thai. It wasn’t hard to lose the excess weight. I went back to counting my calorie intake and avoided rice. I firmly believed that white rice makes my tummy bloat.

2 months of hardcore training and I was back in the game. I was losing weight again. My core training was working. I can see the lines on my abs getting firmer. I had to be stricter this time. Unfortunately, my psychiatrist became a bit worried. I was being obsessed with weight-watching to the point that I sometimes starve myself by eating just a fruit to avoid consuming my calories. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. My depression went back, and it was bouncing like crazy. I had to stop the “diet”. I was still taking my plant-based protein shakes to replace some of my meals. It worked for a while, but then I flew to Jakarta.

Jakarta is a food-haven. I love Indonesian Cuisine. I love every bit of it, may it be something spicy, or sweet, or out of the ordinary. It was truly a gastronomic adventure that I totally forgot about calorie counting and diet. In Indonesia, rice is life. Plus, Indonesia is the home of “Three Buns” which happens to be the number one burger in Asia. I was lucky enough to be able to taste it while I was there. Each day was a totally different food experience. Which got me thinking… maybe traveling makes me gain weight? Maybe I should ditch food blogging?

TRAVELING MAKES ME GAIN WEIGHT… NOPE. IT WAS THE LACK OF SELF-CONTROL THAT MAKES ME GAIN WEIGHT.

The reality is… when you start eating unhealthy, you become somewhat addicted to it. You go after your cravings. For a few months, I drove to the biggest food night market in Manila on Fridays. It’s a street food heaven! I had pork barbecue smothered in fatty oil and dessert shakes colored in flavorful sugar. I would eat anything I wanted. I would snack on a cheese platter with a cold glass of Moscato while watching Netflix. I was at my laziest. I stopped going to the gym and stayed in front of the TV just like a sloth.

Until I felt it. My spine was hurting. It was probably my scoliosis, reminding me that I was becoming too heavy. I started having heart burns and I had trouble breathing. I wanted to go back to 114 lbs. I was only 14 lbs. away from my goal weight. I had to step on the scale and face it. I WAS A WHOPPING 139 LBS., bloated as hell, insecure, and having nothing to wear from my closet. What did I do to myself???

This is it! I have to re-evaluate all my choices. I started de-cluttering and cleansing. Not only on my diet, but also with my surroundings. I started cleaning my room. I chucked all the things that didn’t matter anymore. Old papers, old cards, old mugs, old clothes… and then I started with my cleanse.

EXERCISE IS ONLY 20% OF THE PROCESS.

I started stretching again and visiting the gym. I was slowly getting back into the rhythm. But, I knew I had to stick to something that would not make me go back to my unhealthy lifestyle. I was then introduced to a Netflix Documentary titled “The Game Changers”. It’s a documentary that explains all the science behind a plant-based diet. At first, I was hesitant to try focusing on a plant-based diet. I mean… c’mon. It was clearly not a balanced diet for me. I need my meat, I need my fish. But… as I slowly took in the facts, it gave me the extra push that I needed. It completely changed the way I see (and eat) food. 

I started changing my meal plans. I started choosing greens from being the carnivore that I was. My plate became more colorful, not from fancy sugars, but from the vegetables that I hand-picked from the farmer’s market.

I was doing it. I was giving it a go. Completely changing my diet to plant-based was hard at first. I always craved for roast pork and grilled chicken. But then, realizing that plant-based foods can be as whole as what we would normally eat, I started cooking healthy. My protein source became completely plant-based. My sauces were all plant-based. Some people would always tell me… “No. You need to eat beef or fish or chicken breast or eggs to get your protein fix.” What people don’t understand is that these meats are only carriers of protein. THEY ARE NOT THE SOURCE. At the end of the day, what do these animals feed on? Cows that produce dairy and beef meat eat grass. Chickens eat corn. Pigs that produce your favorite pork chops eat whatever, God-knows-what. THEY ALL EAT PLANTS. These animals are bred and confined in an area where they can get sick and contaminate their own species. They are injected with antibiotics of high dozes to avoid deadly illnesses that can sometimes be transmitted to humans. It’s the same with seafood. Commercial breeders breed the fishes in pens and we can only imagine the amount of mercury they have taken from swimming in highly polluted waters.. Plus, let’s not forget the fact that not all parts of these animals are lean. There will always be excess fats which can tick off your cholesterol levels in dangerous amounts. Hello Bagnet, Lechon Kawali, Crispy Pata… fat deep-fried in fat. THEY TASTE SOOOO GOOD… I won’t argue. But we all know, it’s bad for you.

Anyway, as I started shifting to a plant-based diet, counting my calories was easier. I started avoiding dairy and animal bi-products. Since vegetables and fruits theoretically have lower calories than meats, I indulge, but NEVER go beyond my allotted calorie count. In a matter of few days, I started losing 2 lbs. I was eating healthy and exercising. I started cooking Thai, Korean, Mexican, making tacos out of vegetables and soft shell whole wheat tortillas. I’m a dessert person, so when I craved for sweets, I had almond milk shakes packed with strawberries and bananas. Almond Milk contains 45 kcal per 180 ml serving, compared to 200 plus the excess sugars you get from full cream milk. I made everything homemade… Pesto in Wheat Pasta, Thai Eggplants with Tofu and Basil, Kimchi Stew, Vegetable Curry. Everything was from whole foods, none of the bi-products. I snacked on fruits instead of my cheese platters. I started reading the labels and looking at what I was actually eating. In 2 weeks, I lost almost 6 lbs. I was truly amazed.

SUGAR-FREE? I WOULD RATHER INTAKE REAL SUGAR OUT OF CANE OR COCONUT THAN EAT SOMETHING THAT SAYS SUGAR-FREE.

Anything that says sugar-free uses sugar substitutes that contain Aspartame or Erythritol. These substitutes are essentially cheaper than raw sugar in a mass production set-up, however, these chemicals do more bad than good. They contain carcinogens (main cause of cancer), just the same carcinogens you get from over-cooking processed foods like bacon, hotdogs, and what-nots. I am a Food Technologist myself and I have been working in a diet cafe in Australia which required me to make “healthy” recipes as the head R&D Pastry Chef. They wanted me to create things that say Sugar-Free, Gluten Free, Lactose Free… and whatever “Free” you could possibly think of. Guess what they ask me to use? NOTHING but chemicals. I choose not to drop the name of the cafe. I would rather zip it than get sued. LOL.

SHIFTING IS NOT EASY. IT REQUIRES A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF DEDICATION AND SELF-CONTROL.

I am not pushing anyone to be on a plant-based diet. I am simply relaying how I lost weight by eating healthy and exercising. My therapist would always tell me that 30 mins. cardio a day (dancing, pound, running, walking) is ultimately healthy for the brain. I try to do it even when I’m just at home. This is my fitness journey. I share my healthy recipes on this blog.

DIETS I’VE TRIED BUT I STILL BOUNCED BACK TO GAINING WEIGHT

Paleo Diet

Intermittent Fasting

GM Diet (for cleansing)

Military Diet

Low Carb Diet

What works for me doesn’t always mean it will work for you and vice-versa. It’s your dedication and will to change that makes it possible. Weight gain doesn’t always mean you’re getting fat. It can also mean you’re getting leaner, thus the muscle gain. Remember, skinny doesn’t always mean healthy and healthy doesn’t have to be skinny. 😊

        REAL TALK: How I Lost 8 pounds in 3 Weeks was originally published on WanderBitesByBobbie